#idk I know I used to be like that and I still am but also recently I’ve really felt like I’ve grown out of a lot of shit

[apollosimps]

rant // idk how coherent this is but whatever // transphobia in the notes will be blocked on sight

Ever since I’ve transitioned, it’s seemingly felt like people ignore me more often.

When I was a weird autistic tomboy cis girl, I wouldn’t say I had it great. But I was also “gifted.” I had something to use. There was something to exploit. There was potential for me to fit the mold sometime in the future.

No, that wasn’t very great overall. And I was already kind of a freak. People would avoid me until they thought I was useful, especially after puberty hit and I gained weight. So that’s what I dedicated myself to: usefulness. People pleasing.

Fast forward to transitioning. I became too much of a woke little freak to be useful anymore. I still clawed at those old people pleasing habits. They no longer worked. And some of those efforts ended up being actively harmful, to me and others.

Essentially, the “potential” I had to be molded into the woman I was supposed to be was gone entirely. I’d crossed some imaginary line. I wasn’t human anymore.

Thus, when I realized this, I stopped trying to please. I tried to speak up about systemic transphobia and general bigotry on my university campus, then was told it was my fault for “lashing out.” I’ve tried to say something about the abuse I’ve experienced and was told I was actually the issue for my anger, or it was “both sides.”

When you cross that line—from ‘managable freak’ to ‘irredeemable freak’—people tend to tune you out. After all, they must know better than you do.

All the prejudice and terror I’ve been subjected to has, at most, been confronted on the lines of “I’m sorry that happened to you ):” No justice, no change, no real consequences.

Simultaneously, there are people who deny this reality for me and other transmasculine individuals entirely or even AGREE that I’m the real issue. They:

speak over me about my own experiences or think they know better than I do.

ridicule the use of terms that are meant to explore how transmascs are subjegated.

insist I am automatically given male privilege because I have he/him in my bio.

Worst: attempt to lump me (a transmasculine person) in with rapists, misogynists, and oppressors based off identity alone.

disguise their demonizations behind plausible deniability. Instead of saying, “tboys are privileged over all women and are all rapists,” they’ll say “the trans community has a problem of many transmascs weaponizing their privilege and raping people.” Which is equally bad and inaccurate., but they can and do hide behind it.

It’s sickening and should not ever be tolerated.

While experiencing the misogyny of being a mocked "failed woman" in the eyes of those who don’t respect my gender, I am also dealing with some in the queer community seeing me exclusively as a predatory man. I am in limbo. It’s a limbo that refuses to look me in the eye and truly listen and understand me, no matter what I’m perceived as.

I’m either a bitchy little brat or a predatory man. Both perceptions stem from transphobia. Specifically, transandrophobia. Let’s not get it fucking twisted.

[bee--28]

I fear I would sign up for war if it was half as gay as movies show...

Like, if I had a rivals to lovers thing going on, I'd be moderately okay with the war of it all

[vincentbriggs]

hey i just wanted to say the things youve made are so beautiful and nice especially the leaf bolero that was so creative and going through the effort to embroider details was amazing!

also i wanted to compliment your sewing machines because from what i see they run so smoothly, and look so nice. Do you ever plan on trying to touch up the decals? i think i have seen some way to do it but also it seemed really difficult to do. Also if you had the ability to get any model of sewing machine you wanted, what would you pick?

Hello! Thank you! (And oh my, it's been far too long since I've answered any asks, sorry to everyone who still has one waiting in the inbox. I immediately forget what's in here as soon as I close the tab.)

The decals? I assume you mean the ones on my White, because the paint job on my Singer 15-91 is in great shape.

Just a wee bit of wear on some of the ones along the front edge.

My White VS2, on the other hand, is 140 years old and has been used continually for at least 60 of those years and probably closer to 90, so the finish is not so spiffy. (Idk who the first owner was but Viola Bell, a relative of the guy who gave it to me, made a living sewing on it from about the 1910's to the 1970's, and I assume whoever first bought it in the mid 1880's used it too.)

Some of the decals are mostly visible, but a lot of them are missing large chunks, and the one on the flat bed of the machine is all but completely gone.

And I haven't been able to find any pictures of another machine with this decal pattern! I have no way to find out what that central motif looked like!

A lot of the other parts are intact enough to be more or less figured out, but I could never get the whole design, unless someone else posts pictures of the same machine in better condition.

In any case, I have no intention of trying to hand paint all of that back on, and I don't know if it's possible to get custom decals but it sounds expensive.

If I ever do anything to the finish it'd be adding a new coat of lacquer, since a lot of it has worn off the paint. I'd first try to remove all the remaining bits of old lacquer from the plain areas, which shouldn't be too hard I think? I'd have to look into it first, and I don't have any lacquer, but I may possibly do that someday.

But it's fine how it is, and there are a lot of other things I need to fix that are much higher priorities! Still need to fix the snagging in the bobbin area, and re-align my serger, and un-gunk that one really stubborn difficult-to-take-apart area in my Pfaff, and there may even be a couple more machines in need of even more work that I haven't posted about at all yet.

~

If I could have any machine I wanted? Ooh, hrm, gosh there are a lot of cool machines out there. In terms of pure aesthetics there are so many gorgeous ones to look at, but for functionality I prefer working on industrial machines. (No offence to vintage domestics, they're great and hard-wearing and fabulous to work on!! But they don't have the VROOM of a big industrial in a big and very heavy table.) I've used modern industrial machines at college and at my current and previous tailoring jobs, and I love how solid and sturdy and fast they are, and I especially love the knee lever that raises the presser foot. I've never used an antique or vintage industrial machine before, alas, but I imagine they're probably very nice too.

Unfortunately the industrials I've worked on have all been hideous pebbled greige, so my dream machine for basic sewing would be the inner workings of an industrial machine but very heavily modified to be pretty like the really old domestic ones. Nice hardwood table top instead of laminated particle board, elegant swirly table base instead of pressed metal beams, all possible plastic pieces replaced with metal or other material, lots of green and brass and art nouveau... But alas, I am poor, and making such extensive modifications happen would cost a ridiculous amount of money and I don't even have the space for a normal real industrial.

And those industrials are just straight stitch machines, so I'd still need to have a different vintage machine for when I want to do machine buttonholes. My Singer has a buttonhole attachment, but I've never had a machine that can do zig zag (though I will once my Pfaff 360 is fully unstuck). So as long as I'm daydreaming about extensive sewing machine modifications maybe a solid metal machine from the 60's or 70's with cams that can do different stitches, but also made more fancy and historical looking. Maybe it could be shaped like a dragon and the needle bar & presser foot could come out of the open mouth.

[man-rat]

i actually didnt clock they were transfem (dont know how bc i checked. it is in fact mentioned several times on their blog) and that is fully my bad.

the fact that they are trans has nothing to do with this argument though bc i am also a trans person. like idk i hope they have access to e or whatever form of transition they prefer if they even choose medical transition, and i hope that if they arent somewhere safe they can get somewhere safe soon, but theyre still a fuckin idiot for bootlicking ai. like idk this was never about them being trans it was about their relentless and honestly shallow defense of ai. if you use ai for art j think your lazy and if you use it as a search engine youre stupid idk. its never had anything to do w disablity bc disabled artists can still create art. i know several people with carpal tunnel who still draw, ive known people w arthritis (for example, my own mother) who still create art in spite of their disabilities. paralized ppl or amputees use their mouths to paint. like if you want disability advocacy then do that but recognize that ai art is not the answer, at least not right now. we need a more sustainable way of using ai that doesnt degrade our minds and planet.

be careful online if you see something that reminds you of the style of another artist its probably the Evil Machine doing ip theft of our brave aspiring petit-bourgeois artists

[nikonikonek000]

idk if i ever sent this so sorry if i repeat myself! but i’ve been seeing your art since like 2017(?) it’s been so long but it’s always so noticeable I love it. like i’ll be randomly scrolling and rediscover you. I’m always happy seeing you’re still active and doing well. never stop creating, you’re important

TT_TT<333 THIS IS SO KIND thank you i am going to cherish these words forever!!!!!!!!!! awah!!! my heart!! my soul!! it is full and beaming with joy to read this...times have been hard for a niko lately! it means so so so much to hear words like this right now. thank you...thank you!!!

also i only started posting art online in late 2020, to clarify! :o) and this is the only tumblr account/alias i have used! before that all my work lived in sketchbooks that are all gone now, never to be seen again.... like legitimately...they all are lost forever...sad...but i will keep making more...!

actually in 2020 i kind of snapped. i was trying to become a "normal person" for a long time. i had completely given up on making anything of myself, i had been told my art is not worth anything and it will never be successful unless it is more palatable to a general audience. i did not think i could make anything of my art. but i decided to try anyway, to try posting and making art i liked, finally, because if i didnt try, i would regret it forever. i really re-assessed my life and said "fuck it", and here we are.

though my art only started looking/feeling like it does now in about, 2022, when i had some kind of funny little Awakening and accidentally became two guys, one of which may or may not be a mysterious inhuman Entity (me, "niko", is this. i could be described as "plural" if you like that framework) or, call it self actualisation or pretend if you want. whatevr, doesn't matter. you can just Be whatever you want and nobody else gets to choose that for you!

so anyone who is reading this who is keeping your art secret or just to yourself because you're scared and you have been discouraged, please, do not give up. please, share it. it may touch more people than you expect. i make it just for me and i'd make it even if i was in a cave somewhere never interacting with anyone, but every day i am so grateful that i made this decision and that others like my artwork. Thank you.

someday soon i am going to make personal artist website to archive everything i have made/will make, just so people know...!

so i think its fascinating that you feel you have been seeing it for longer. does my swag transcend time?! or am i mistaken for another guy? a mystery....

if i am being mistaken for another artist i want to know who because i bet they're awesome HAHAHAHA!!!

THANK YOU AGAIN!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! I WILL NVR EVR STOP!

[project-sekai-facts]

Do you think another issue with the recent prsk stories and their writing is that they've progressively become less personal to the characters? I noticed that the stories that have been considered the better of post-4th anni rotations (Mizu5, Ena5, and Rui5 being the first that come to mind) all share a theme of being more focused on the characters' more internal conflicts and how those bleed into the rest of their lives, rather than being more focused on a big "goal" where the character who is the catalyst to the Situations doesn't matter as much. It could obviously just be me reading too much into it, but from what I noticed of the older stories, the stories used to always center around the emotions/past/etc. of the focus character in a way that makes it easy to connect to the stories regardless of how out-there the things they're actually doing are.

Like idk the stories have become less about the characters and more about the general happenings of the units and it doesn't feel like a coincidence that the quality deteriorates the more they lean into that? Again idk I've just been observing what everyone says about all the stories because I don't have time to read them myself/am not caught up ^^; Also apologies if this is incomprehensible it's nearly 3 am for me lol

oh this is a good point actually! definitely the best events since 4th have been very character-driven, like they revolve around that character and provide them with actual character growth and development by using a situation that is specific to the character's story and skillset, whereas the weaker ones, take VBS, have just been "we need to do a thing" and don't really develop anything beyond a couple character details or retcons here and there. you can definitely feel it with vbs events where it's like, you could probably make any of them the focus character for the america events outside ttto and nothing much would change. like the larger story would remain identical just certain small details like the POV would change.

it's definitely not the problem for all the not so great events, like niigo still has the everything revolves around mafuyu problem which is a detriment to kanade's character development at this point, and still steady step really didn't have much going on with an ending that made the story mostly useless, but the lack of characterisation in recent events is definitely a big problem, mainly with vbs as i said.

i think in part clpl just. doesn't really know what to do with some of the characters anymore. like with vbs, aside from toya who still has room to do things with his family, kohane, an and akito have all finished their character arcs and i don't think clpl knows what to do for a second character arc. compare to rui, who finished his first character arc in pandemonium but now they're leaning more into the idea of him accepting his past and looking to the future (fes 2/d&d).

[etchif]

I saw Cats a while ago btw it was amazing❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ kind of wanted to buy a mug from the merch store after it ended but didn't and I still regret that decision💔 the actors were all great and amazing and spectacular. I was pleasantly surprised by Misto's costume which looked like his traditional tuxedo cat design! I was expecting that new, more grey-ish design which I thought they were using in every branch of the international tour but I guess not! God I don't remember too many details but I'll try to list some of the stuff I do remember. There was a part during Bustopher Jones where Cori and one of the other toms were standing together at the side when Bustopher walked up to them and greeted them by touching Cori's arm, who then, after Bustopher left, looked at the tom standing next to him with a look that said 'oh my god he touched me'. That was super cute. They left out the little dog march in Pekes and the Pollicles and Tugger's bagpipe shenanigans which DEEPLY saddened me but whatever it's fine (it's not) I have to criticize one thing and that's that, at least from where I was seated, the designs for Demeter and Jemima looked really similar, so much so that I had trouble telling them apart in some scenes. They probably would have been easier to distinguish had I sat closer to the stage but well... stage costumes should also be discernible from far away. But like honestly who even cares. I mean I care but who caareess. I am just so happy to have finally seen this show, I almost can't believe it. I've loved this musical for years and I finally got to see it live. And although I am just as sceptical and critical of some of the decisions that have been made regarding how the show is performed in recent years as the next guy (how Grizabella is portrayed, usually younger than in earlier productions; the way the ensemble sings the last few lines of her introductory song, the sudden angry stop instead of a more melancholic like. Build up fade out (idk what do you call that), the replacing of Growltiger with Pekes and the Pollicles (it's not an issue that Growltiger is gone but I'm not too sure I'm a fan of how they handled the restructuring), just generally certain character design changes and all that), but when you're actually sitting in a theatre, seeing it performed live, none of that really matters anymore. It kind of does but also not at all, you know? Who cares if I liked the costumes in the 80's better. Who cares if I don't like how they sing part of one of the songs nowadays. Grizabella just sang memory and there are tears in my eyes and everyone is cheering. Victoria is about to put her hand in hers and everyone is going to forgive and accept her. What did you say, you think Admetus/Plato's new design looks like ass? Who even is that. Grizabella is going to the Heavyside layer as we speak, everyone loves her and is happy for her and she is too, for the first time in years, and it's beautiful. And that's what this show is about in the end

[aita-polls]

Am I (18) for turning off my brothers (25) lava lamp?

Ok so I need to explain why I'm doing this in order for it to all make sense, because it turns out that lava lamps are really really bad for the environment and nobody has been talking about it.

My shitty brother has unfortunately been "testing out" Claude and other chatbots and even making ai "art". I keep reminding him of the damage he's causing to the environment and he keeps brushing me off and saying its no big deal, even though I know better.

To try and explain how it's totally not a big deal, he said that using his lava lamp all day uses as much energy as 80 chatbot messages. He showed me the number on his lava lamp lightbulb and did some math and it turns out that its true. Idk how to explain the math here but you can look it up.

He acted this was proof that AI doesn't use a lot of energy, but now I'm like why does he think its okay to have the lava lamp on all day? I keep going in his room to turn it off, but he's getting pissed bc he says it looks better when it's "warmed up".

I've been begging my parents to make him get rid of it, but he's the one who pays the electric so my mom said that she can't do anything and that even if she could she wouldn't because I'm overreacting 🙃

And like I know the energy use isn't the only bad thing about generative ai. I agree that the theft, lies, and brain damage are also awful. I'm terrified of climate change and I don't think that my brother should be allowed to just waste electricity like that, no matter if he's doing it with AI or doing it with a lava lamp.

Also sidenote is anybody really freaked out by how normal lava lamps used to be/still are? I had one as a kid and had no clue how bad it was o_O

[hinamie]

how many hoodies can i give this kid

[beastlyidiocy]

Feuċ, súile Dé go fuireaċ air

[apostaterevolutionary]

Okay can I be a bitter Anders fan for like. Just 2 minutes here lmao

Cause bioware released some game stats for veilguard and apparently 72% of players redeemed Solas which is like. Okay yeah the game kinda pushes you towards that. But when I think of all the shit I used to have to put up with just for enjoying Anders like at all and…

(This is not me being anti-Solas, I do not care if you love or hate him, but I am gonna say what he’s done is like. Objectively worse than literally every other companion so lmao. And that’s fine! You can still enjoy him! I’m not saying you can’t and it’s important to me that people understand that! I’m just saying he did in fact do objectively morally worse things in game than Anders did and I don’t think that’s really debatable. And I can’t really make my point here without saying that but I do want to make it clear this is not some moral condemnation of Solas enjoyers cause it’s not)

Getting anon hate on the regular, being told “oh you’re allowed to like Anders as long as you regularly talk about how much he sucks”, people gleefully describing how much fun they have killing him ON your posts about the fact that you like him, the devs making jokes about shitty fates for him when fans asked innocent questions about him, the absolute audacity of his writer to say half the shit she did in interviews (about bisexuality and mental illness, most critically), and then being beaten over the head again in inquisition about how Anders is the worst character to ever exist and there’s no redemption for terrorists who lie to you one time in the entire game and he deserves death or worse and that’s it

And now… 72% of people are down to redeem the guy who lies to you for 2 games straight and who did a lot of questionable things that includes creating the fucking blight and. Like. I guess I’m glad that Solas fans can live in a world where they aren’t constantly harassed and can give their ship like. A pretty damn good ending all things considered. And that the devs love Solas and actually give the option for that happy ending and have characters go to bat for Solas throughout the game and the most annoying thing they have to see are people making scrambled egg memes. I would not wish anyone to have to deal with the shit Anders fans had to put up with back then cause it sucked. It really sucked. And I’m glad it’s not being repeated with a different character, if nothing else

But like. Man there really is a difference when the writers actually like the character who does the thing, huh

[mrmeepsmadmind]

i love when ppl draw bumblebee like the happy little creachure he is but also i love when people draw bumblebee like he's had 500 beers in the last 1 hour and still the pain won't even ebb

[notmoreflippingelves]

Actually going insane over the implications of Jason asking Dick to be the Robin to his Batman in Battle for the Cowl.

Like I initially took it at the purely surface-level of Jason wanting a partner in the general sense. Which made sense, it's a huge responsibility and a lonely one so an assistant/sidekick/partner seems a no-brainer if you can get one.

But then I really thought about it, because Jason is not asking Dick to be his partner in the general sense; he's not even asking Dick to be his Nightwing. He's asking Dick to be his Robin.

And they both know exactly what Jason means: "Be the light to my darkness. Be the smile to my scowl. Be the hope to my fear. "

He's saying "Be 'Robin'; be the embodiment of Love and Justice and Goodness. Be the exceptional person that you have always been. Be the slightly-less exceptional person that I was when I wore your colors. Be the person that I was in the process of becoming and might have been (or might still be), if only Joker hadn't clipped my wings."

He's saying "I am prepared to become vengeance, become the Night. And I will go further than Bruce ever dared to, because it is what is needed. I will be the necessary evil. But you don't have to be. If Batman is Gotham's curse, Robin has always been its blessing. I will be the brutal punishment to our world, and I am asking you to be its incandescent gift."

He's saying, "Be for me, what we were for Him. Be my anchor, my comfort, my hope. Remind me what it's all for, why it's all worth it. And remind yourself as well."

He's saying "Be 'Robin' again--for both of our sakes."

[mammoth-clangen]

It makes me so happy to see how passionate you are about paleo!! That kind of dedication is so lovely to engage with

Oh I'm glad! I worry I'm rambling aimlessly so knowing that at least some people are enjoying it is nice to hear c:

For some paleo related fun, here's a huge Eurasian Pleistocene Big Cat sketchdump from 2023 when I was brainstorming for White Cat, Gold Plains

I still like a lot of these, though I was obviously trying to lean more into realism than I do in Kindred Also they're not Fleet Fangs, they're a different species within the same genera, Homotherium latidens and Panthera (leo) spelaea

Past me was some kind of madlad trying to put spots on things, no wonder the comic died after 10 pages c':

[meamiki]

some random reverse entry au [office + reverse isekai loop] drawings :thumbsup:

[mildly interested in this silly au? here is a link to scroll through for all the stuff i've made for it! i'll make a proper master post... someday.....]

[javierduffy]

self insert stuff

basic info + awful silly sketchbook stuff under the cut :3