#idk if that makes sense but I hope. the general gist comes across

[merlins-strawberriesandroses]

Freylin lovers… all four of you out there…. please talk to me abt them. I will love u forever

[feelingpure]

Fellow Travelers | The Orange Elephant in the Room

Alright, let's talk about it.

For those who've watched the available episodes of FT so far; I'm sure we've all noticed the citrus haze they all seem to be living in.

Especially if you've attempted to edit/GIF any portion of it. The struggle is real and I'm sure has inspired many colouring dilemmas.

And we're all asking "WHY?!".

Now, I'm writing this having not looked up anything about it. So I dunno if anyone responsible has made a formal confession.

One of my initial thoughts around it was; okay... so is this just a 1950s thing? But after watching (and rewatching) episode 2, I feel like it's part of the story in a different way; It's clearly a stylistic choice, yes (I should hope that doesn't just happen by accident). But it also seems to double as a narrative choice.

Putting the rest, with image examples, under a cut because it's kinda long.

Warm vs Cool

The conclusion I've come to is pretty simply, one that we've seen used across media in a lot of movies and shows. Warm tones used to colour scenes that are meant to literally be 'warm'; a loving environment or somewhere where the character(s) feel like they can be themselves. Cool tones used for scenes where it's quite the opposite; a cold hostile environment where the character(s) does not feel welcome. Gradients in between for all the neutral/'greyarea' spaces.

Consider

Cool/neutral outdoor bench scene (with park spies around):

Maybe it's an indoor/outdoor thing? No...

Indoors (even with the mandatory orange lamps nearby) they stay pretty neutral:

Night time/day time thing? No...

Night time vs day time in Tim's apartment:

Compare it to day time neutral alone Tim in the same room before. The difference is that he's with Hawk, out of sight of any would be naysayers.

So yeah, while I am mad about the colouring for giffing needs, I do think what they're doing is pretty neat, and the POC in the show look glorious in the warm tones.

The warm/cool motif is dialled up even more in episode 2, with the contrast of Mary's warm welcoming party and Hawk's cold af family gathering (even though they still have the orange lamps/sconces around, they add nothing to the warmth):

🥺 Ugh, Tim at Mary's party. Might be my favourite part of the episode, alongside the kissing n spooning. Anyway...

The transition of Mary from the same living room where she hosted that party, to the kitchen they were just questioned in:

That transition made me start paying more attention and go back to rewatch previous scenes just for colour themes.

Interestingly Hawk's apartment seems to live in this neutral/warmish space. It was more warm earlier in the episode, especially when they were in the bedroom the morning Tim left his glasses. But in general it's a lot less warm than Tim's apartment when compared; still their skin glows with a hint of tangerine:

Of course, not only the lighting/colouring but their outfit choices say a lot. Tim is usually in the warm browns with his dress, while Hawk pretty much sticks to black, white, grey (hints of a cool toned blues and reds in his ties). This coupled with the differences in their own living space probably reflects a lot about the character and how 'welcoming' they are to others. Idk... or I could just be thinking too much about it.

This is another really interesting transition in episode 2. As Hawk hangs up the phone in that cool toned side room, opens the door to the main room of a gay bar, the warm tones literally seem to absorb him in. Which makes sense, this is obviously a gay friendly place in San Francisco. He doesn't have to try to hide any part of himself, like he probably was still trying to do on that voicemail to Lucy just before.

Now, I could go through and screenshot a load more examples (some scenes with Lucy are interesting, and that lounge/club), but you probably get the gist, you see the pattern. If not before, on your next watch, you'll certainly see it.

This has got longer than intended; I'd be surprised if anyone got this far, I did NOT fully organise my thoughts before I started this, I just began rambling and I feel like it could've been more organised and laid out better. But if you have thoughts about the colouring, I'd really like to see those too. 🤗

[cheerysuery-moved]

This is a spur of the moment theory but like what if the Princess Quest game is like some odd metaphor for Vanny's "it was just a glitch" line? Like William/Glitchtrap/the rotten furry is probably tryna crawl himself outta hell, and is using Vanny as a sorta..vessel to do so? I've seen some people say that the golden princess was like young Vanny- and so like the more she involved herself with Glitchtrap's nefarious acts, the more she loses herself to him??? So with everytime that large bunny algam comes closer to escaping it's prison, like the more Vanny just like sells her soul off to him?? Idk if this makes sense but I hope the general gist gets across

Oh that's an awesome theory! Personally, i think fnaf vr takes place in a separate timeline from the other games where, yknow, William isn't dead and in rotting in hecc, and yeah you make sense! Also one last thing, that idea of the princess being a younger vannie :0? I haven't that, ive just heard many ppl say it was just vannie, but younger vannie tho,,, you might've just given me some ideas anon!

[pennyfynotes]

8.2.18 // 4:30pm // school subjects and AP exams oh my

so i recently (ok not so recently i’m sorry super busy rn) got an ask from an anon about subject specific tips and ap exams. this is the masterpost i told you to look out for ;). there are no ap exams in college, but some of the stuff is still applicable. i did my best to be as comprehensive as possible and dump everything in one place. hope this is helpful! xoxo, m ps. guess where the actual tips are?    if you said “under the cut” then you’re right bc i’m predicable af

tips by subject:

languages (i took spanish): 1. flashcards are your friend. i don’t care if they’re digital (would recommend quizlet or studyblue) or paper, but they help immensely with either vocab or things like remembering literature.

2. charts are also your friend. conjugations giving you a hard time? write out a chart of the different tenses and the conjugations for each subject. put down some of the irregulars too.

3. acronyms/pnemonics are also also your friend. a lot of these already exist, you just have to go find them. i’m pretty sure i still remember what “wedding” stands for for the spanish subjunctive.

4. it’s ok to start over. it’s easy to start a sentence based on what you’d say in english. you’re doing fine until *bam* you hit that word/phrase you really need but you have no clue how to say it. whether it’s an oral or written exam, take a few seconds to think about it and, if you can’t figure it out, just back track. restart the sentence and rework it. better to do that than to lose all your time thinking of one word you may or may not know.

5. skirt around things. if you can’t remember how to say fridge but you really need to say it for something, just say “machine that keeps food cold” or something. it might sound silly,  but it gets the point across and removes the road block.

6. make a list. no, not a to do list. if there’s phrases you find yourself reaching for all the time, but you can never remember, make a list of them and their translations. it might be because its a phrase/part of a sentence structure you use a lot in your native language or whatever. make that list and drill just those few phrases into your head. it’s helpful

english/language arts: 1. proofread. i guarantee you’ll find a mistake, a sentence that makes no sense, or one that just sounds cringy. thank me later.

2. have a damn thesis. its ok if you just need to write and spit words/ideas out for a while to figure it out. but figure it out.

3. conclusion ~= introduction. for those of you who didn’t get the tilde, it means not. yes, they both tie your points to your thesis but they are not to same. do not just reword the same information in the conclusion. push your ideas just a little further. i usually like the push them a little bit outside the realm of what i talked about in my paper. for example, if i focused on the first 5 chapters of the book in the rest of my paper, i’ll expand the ideas to the rest of the book. or if i’m talking about female characters and focus on just one or two, i’ll use the conclusion to potentially connect it to another.

4. have favorites. pick a few fav transitions, sentence structures, and fancy vocab words. basically build a toolbox. this way you won’t have to think as hard when you want to “spice up” your work.

5. summaries only go so far. once you get to higher level english classes, there will be a lot of analysis of specific imagery, or wording, or dialogue. reading cliff notes is only going to give you the plot and none of this. if you don’t have time to read and you’ve been assigned a pretty standard english novel/play/whatever, take the time to look up some famous quotes or symbols. they’ll probably come up in discussion and this will help you look less unprepared.

6. have on question/comment ready. if your teacher/prof is into discussions and grades on participation, it’s handy to write down one (or a few) things. it’s easy to forget what you were going to say while you follow the discussion and it sucks to get docked points for not saying anything. even if it’s just a thoughtful question, jot it down.

history: 1. lol prob my weakest subject, just go see the apush (ap us history) section bc i don’t have much more for you than that.

science: 1. back to basics. i say it all the time, i’ll say it again. really understand basic concepts. they will come back. i’m serious.

2. pattern recognition. science problems are often times about recognizing patterns. once you identify the type of problem it is, even if you’ve never seen the exact one/something similar before, solving it becomes way easier.

3. make a recipe book. tied to the last one, but once you recognize a type of problem, you need steps to solve it. go through any practice problems you’re given to determine all the “types” of problems. once you’ve categorized them, make yourself a step-by-step guide on how to solve.

4. flashcards. you’ll have to know polyatomic ions or random biology facts. see languages tip #1 for more.

5. note your errors in lab. if you do something wrong, don’t just try to brush it under the table and forget about it. not that it’s a big deal, because its not, so don’t freak out. they’re just great opportunities to note sources of error. i mean obviously dont write in your lab report that you weren’t paying attention and mixed the wrong chemicals, but something like “we may not have waited sufficient time for the product to dry” can explain why you got 800% yield.

6. have a toolkit. kinda like a recipe book, but just a collection of straight facts that come up often. knowing common molecular weights and chemical properties (is ammonia acidic or basic?) will make things go faster. like i said earlier, polyatomic ions are also great.

7. brush up on some simple arithmetic. similar to the tool kit, this will just make things go faster. being able to quickly add things and calculate easy percentages (ex: 30%) will make things like hw and exams go faster. i’m of the opinion it’s always good to know how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide w/o a calculator (on paper, not all in your head)

bonus: math #5 and #7

math: 1. see science #1

2. see science #2

3. see science #3

4. see science #4. see a pattern here? you might wonder why you need to flashcard math, but it’s good for learning equations or the names of certain techniques. if the prof asks you to solve something using X technique and you don’t know what that is, that’s gonna pose a problem. also good for the unit circle (don’t get me started)

5. figure out your speed. this is applicable to most everything, but i find it most relevant for math. is it better for you to speed through the whole exam and then do it all again/check it over 2x? or for you to take it slow so you know you got everything right the first time? personally i use the first approach, but i’m a fast taker and prefer to have time to process between repeating problems instead of staring at it forever once and never looking again.

6. science #7. a lot of teachers will expect you to be able to do this.

7. go over the material a couple times. also applicable to everything. i find it’s easier to remember things when i know that concepts are connected. you might have learned X 3 weeks before Y, but if you go back over, you might realize they’re closely related. this will help you if you’re not sure on a test because you can reason through things using the connections you’ve drawn

tips by ap course (obv look at the subject above bc i will be giving *really specific stuff* here that i’ve gathered from experience. they’re also ordered by when i took them, sorry it’s not super logical but i didn’t want to forget one)

general ap course/exam tips: 1. practice exams. you need to be familiar with what will/will not show up. you don’t always need to simulate and real testing situation, but i’d recommend doing at least 1-2 that way. also *know how many questions they’re are you so can pace yourself!!!!*

2. college board is pretty good about giving topic breakdowns. use those. go through and figure out what topics you’re solid on and which need more work. the above tip is to help decipher what the topics actually mean bc it can be confusing.

3. give the free response a quick flip through. do the ones you’re confident on first.

4. make sure you know the policies/what you can bring. don’t want to forget something. also once our test administrator tried to stop us 10 minutes early, but we were on top of our shit and all gave her a death glare bc we knew when we were supposed to finish.

ap chemistry: 1. polyatomic ions and molecular weights. know them

2. chapter/section reviews (in addition to class notes) and how-to guides. my teacher made us make them and let’s just say your girl did *really* well (and i’m damn proud of that one)

3. do a quick skim of the free response. applicable to most exams but, the year i took it, they’d just remade and re-curved the exam and put *way* too many free response. like no one finished them. if that’s still the case, make sure you do the one’s you’re confident on. also, i did not get to like 3 questions and still got a 5. they may have fixed this idk. (sorry this is redundant but i wanted to give this ap chem exam specific info)

ap environmental science: 1. there is a lot of damn information here. i would use chapter outlines and pick out key terms, policies, and events etc. treat this like a history class.

2. for the exam, use common sense. most of the time, the most environmentally friendly answer is the right one. if you just have a general gist of the course and its topics, but don’t know a lot of details, go with your intuition and you should be fine. i didn’t have a lot of time to study for this one and this method worked for me.

ap calc bc: 1. memorize standard derivatives. power rule, sin and cos, chain rule. that’s important.

2. similarly, memorize standard integrals.

3. don’t forget +c for indefinite integrals. just don’t.

4. similarly, if it’s definite, don’t forget to evaluate at the end! super easy thing to do, but also super easy way to lose points if you forget.

5. if the integral looks complicated, that probably means there’s a “trick” involved. u substitution, integration by parts, trig substitution. something like that.

6. memorize some standard series’, operations, and types (arithmetic, geometric etc)

7. if you’re looking at a word problem, understand what is dependent on your variable and what isn’t (in other words, what’s a constant). for example, if it says the water flows into the barrel at 50 mL/s and flows out at 1/5 times the volume, that translate to F = 50 - (1/5)V. don’t make things more complicated by trying to write everything in terms of V (in this example). also, your equation might just be a constant term or just a variable term doesn’t have to be both.

8. know what your derivative is with respect to/what it really means. aka if your problem is talking about flow and volume, how are they related to each other? flow is the change in volume *with respect to time*. so if i differentiate volume with respect to time, i get flow. if i integrate flow with respect to time, i get volume. this also helps you make sense of word problems.

*disclaimer*: it is been 5 years since i took this class and i have taken quite a few math classes after. i apologize if i introduce anything that is a little irrelevant.

ap spanish language: 1. flashcard. like seriously. there’s gonna be vocab involved.

2. understand what’s asked. for the persuasive email. *be persuasive*

3. toolkit. i mentioned this before but this was probably the most useful for this class. our teacher gave us a bunch of fancier words to use instead of causar (to cause) because that was a word we’d need a lot. the one that still sticks with me 4 years later is fomentar. have a few alternatives for these kinds of super common words, a good greeting and closing for your email, and a set of good transitions. *make sure you know how to use them properly*

4. write stuff down during listening. you can either answer questions during the first listen, then take notes the second to catch stuff you missed or vice versa.

5. it’s ok to backtrack in the speaking. don’t let yourself get stuck and just not say anything. it’ll freak you out for the rest of the exam and will rob you from showing off what you know. also take notes of things you want to mention based off cultural knowledge of the situation related to the dialogue.

6. don’t zone out. with everything going on and all the stress, it’s easy to zone out (esp during the conversation). don’t do it or you’ll have a hard time responding and freak yourself out (again)

7. don’t lose your place in the convo! they give you a sheet that shows you how many times the other “person” will talk. i lost track and said goodbye one segment early. it was bad ok. all these conversation tips are from personal experience.

ap statistics: 1. know the different kinds of tests inside and out. know the differences and the conditions. if you’ve got that, you’re like 75% the way there.

2. be familiar with sample vs population. it’s a bit confusing, but take the time to understand.

3. ok sorry i really don’t remember anything else. this exam really isn’t that difficult (in my opinion), you’ll be ok.

ap physics c: 1. free body diagrams. understand how to draw them *and draw them*. they will carry you through mechanics. draw gravitational force, normal if there’s a surface, and then any other given forces.

2. basic equations. you get an equation sheet, but knowing the equations means you know the concepts and the relations between them. big ones are f=ma and the equations relating position (x), velocity (v), and acceleration (a). also friction f=uN.

3. *normal isn’t always the opposite direction of gravity!!!!* gravity is straight down. normal is perpendicular to the surface.

4. vector components. please don’t just add vectors. break them down into components and then add or you are so fucked.

5. get familiar with triangles. this will help with the whole component thing.

6. kirchoffs rules are so helpful. know them.

7. understand the relations between voltage/potential and current in terms of the properties of circuit elements. that means the equations for resistors, capacitors, and inductors.

8. know how to add in parallel and series. it’s important. also! if the circuit is drawn “weird” a good way to know series vs parallel is that parallel elements share two nodes and that series circuits only share 1.

9. sorry i kinda blocked out E+M bc i didn’t know what i was doing (or so i thought). i still got a 4 tho so that curve is generous.

ap us history: 1. chapter outlines. pretty self explanatory.

2. make a timeline. put important events, sentiments, policies, and presidents. if you can associate these things together into time periods it will be easier. most of the time, any one question (esp long response or whatever they’re called) will only focus on 1 time period.

3. sentiments are important. if you know nothing else, know these bc they will help guide you through questions by reasoning even if you know nothing else.

4. gilder lehrman (or similar us history summaries). these are tailor specifically to apush bc they are organized by period (i think that’s what they were called?). i actually fell asleep listening to these bc i didn’t have time to study. they were mildly helpful, but every little bit helps right?

ap psychology: 1. chapter outlines/flashcards. this course is based heavily on key terms and less so on larger concepts.

2. ok sorry i took this online i remember literally nothing except how annoying my teacher was and that the exam was easy. if you know terminology i think you should do fine.

ap biology: 1. there is a lot. go through all the topics and make sure you’re solid. start with the big picture, then think about narrowing down.

2. know how charts work. things like pedigrees, punnet squares, and evolution trees (that’s def not the right term). some of the exam will just be interpretation of this.

3. i am so sorry i remember nothing else.

ap spanish literature: 1. flashcards. title, author, time period, short summary, key elements (a line, character, symbol). this is *so helpful*

2. think about the works in relation to each other. you might be asked to compare them. even if they ask you to compare something on the reading list with something new, you’ll be familiar with the points you might talk about.

3. know the lit terms. more flashcards. associate them with a particular work if you can/need to.

4. don’t freak on the listening. a lot of the recordings are old and shitty quality. take a deep breath and try your best. know that the rest of the test takers (excepting maybe natives) are experiencing the same thing.

5. use that tool box. see general spanish and ap spanish lang.

this is so freaking long and i think the moral of the story is that i blocked out my senior year ap exams. i hope this was helpful and, if you have more questions, or want more stuff like this, let me know!

[justmysicklypride]

P-P-P-Play that shit: ptv analysis - Part 2

 Hi what’s up everyone and welcome to this week’s pew news. This is a continuation of my last post where I pretty much summed up Pierce The Veil’s career from the beginning to present and gave an overview of their rise and downfall. You can check it out here, but if you already know about everything or have read it already then feel free to ignore it. In any case, I was originally gonna make these two posts as one but ran out of room bc who the hell would read that much text in a blog post (me) so here you go - part two of this fucking conspiracy theory because I didn’t even get to share any of my thoughts in the last one. (I also forgot to put headers with each new topic smh apologies to the English language)

Edit: it’s been fucking eons since I wrote the last one/started writing this one like legit I even changed my user. The reason why this has been put off for so long will be explained later but yh smh

Gigantic obligatory disclaimer: Everything that I will discuss whether it be in this post or my last, or any future posts that relate to this subject IS NOT going to touch on the subject of the “sexual relations with a minor” incident in itself. I will not go into detail about my own views on this specific matter as there is literally no way to win because whatever I say could be taken out of context by literally anyone. That being said, I do not condone pedophilia, I do not condone sexual harassment or rape, and I do not undermine the importance of consent. I respect the laws of different states, as I know they vary with time and place, and I understand that everyone has their own opinions and I do not wish to impose my own onto others.

In regards to this, however, I do have to acknowledge that I, first and foremost, do not think that Mike Fuentes is innocent, and I strongly believe that how the band handled this situation was just plain terrible, but I do also have to acknowledge the fact that this situation is to stay between the accuser and the victim, as well as their respective legal teams and that I should not go nosedive headfirst into anything like this when it does not directly affect or require my judgement as a necessity, lest I face any legalities or blacklash as a result. Furthermore, everything that I will be talking about are conspiracies only and I do not in any way assume or imply that any of this is true.

In other words, I don’t mean to offend anyone but if you end up getting offended then that’s on you, not me. Let’s begin.

Introduction 

The points that I am trying to highlight in this essay post is, in simple words, that Pierce The Veil’s... well, everything, comes off as kind of a conspiracy, almost, to me. I have had these thoughts for a long-ish time, and so this post is basically me finally making a post that covers all things that I have been thinking of in the past. Unlike my previous post, this one is a lot less fact-based and a lot more opinionated, so if you’re not into that, then that’s fair. Otherwise, I will be discussing the following things (in this order): the topic of kellic, Misadventures, and the accusation + response.

When Life Gives You Lemons, You Ship Them Together And Call It Lemonade

I refer to my last post and assume that everyone understands how “kellic” came to be and what it means. To summarise to the bare minimum best of my abilities, it’s the ship name of Vic Fuentes and Kellin Quinn, aka what people call it when someone wants or is keen on the idea of these two frontmen having an affair with each other in a (typically) fictional setting. It happens all the time, especially in this day and age where you can easily just find someone with the same obsession as you with a click of a button. That’s why King For A Day, and inadvertently Collide With The Sky, became such a huge success. It appealed to the right demographic of teenagers and tweens who were ecstatic at the prospect of shipping, and went on to achieve even more impressive feats following that. How you ask? Well, by going on a tour around the world of course. Together. Playing shows every night that ends with one of them literally carrying the other off the stage. Gotta give the people what they want, hey?

I have a strong belief that the key to success is through beating the system at its own game. In this case, the game is simple - get fans, get money. Unfortunately, as we all know, getting fame isn’t as easy as simply earning it through grit and determination. To achieve fame, one must find a way to do something at the right time in the right way so that people will notice. If one person does, and your fire doesn’t die out right away, then you’ve got yourself a forest fire. Then later on, all you gotta do is keep this forrest fire going, but assuming that there isn’t someone standing on the other side with the whole fire department’s resources in tow, then the only thing stopping this fire is itself, because with all things in life, fire dies out, and fame stops accumulating after a while if nothing is done about it. Humans need entertainment. If something starts to fail to pique their interests, then they move on. That’s why YouTubers are required to change up their content every now and again in order to try and relight that spark they once had, and even then there’s a good chance that they won’t. 

I was originally going to write another blog essay about this whole YouTube analogy thing but quickly realised that for one, I don’t have time bc I’m getting my ass fucked by university on a daily basis; and that for another, there’s most likely a billion other videos or essays about this topic as is, so I’ll just link one or two of them here. I haven’t watched them all yet or I don’t remember much of them, but all they do is pretty much summarise up stuff like how YouTubers become successful and their downfalls and all that, and even though they kinda focus on a specific person or group of people, I feel like it could be generalised.

Even without the YouTube metaphor, we know shipping works. It is evident in multiple works across various media that giving the fans what they want is often what gives these people their continued success, such as Dan Howell and Phil Lester, who have all but stopped trying to create their own individual branding (save for their separate merch stores that are probably there just to get more people to buy their overpriced clothing), and who at this point have become such an overused example that I actually hesitated writing that. Why do you think movies and shows and cartoons mostly have a romantic subplot? Romance is an essential trope in literature and easily one of the most popular genre out there for various reasons. According to a Bustle article written in 2016, romance often gives the readers a sense of hope or gives them a way to live out their fantasies in the easiest way possible, and while this may not apply to everyone, (personally I’m not a romance fan much at all but I can appreciate good literature), it’s hard to deny the phrase “sex sells”.

Given that, you’d think that any company with half a brain would learn to exploit it, but for some reason this wasn’t the case in Pierce The Veil’s management, and no matter how I look at it, I can’t really see the reason why. It’s not like the band members are uncomfortable with the ship - Jaime Preciado has been seen kissing Vic Fuentes on stage (not on the lips guys chill) (I had forgotten how fucking difficult it takes to find this one specific clip so here’s a couple different fuenciado pictures instead to make up for it smfh), and Vic Fuentes has mentioned kellic in a live stream once jokingly - and Kellin Quinn is notoriously known for being completely okay with it (so long as he doesn’t have to look at it), so just what is the reason?

This Ain’t A Hiatus, It’s A Goddamned Arms Race

I’d be lying if I didn’t miss all the memes that all stemmed from the Pierce The Veil boys not being able to release an album when they’d promised, before postponing said album yet again and disappearing off of the face of the earth digitally for another year or two, giving them a total of four years as their unofficial, unannounced hiatus. For this, I have several questions.

We all know Vic Fuentes loves taking his sweet ass time releasing music - he’s admitted to remaking his first album a second time before releasing it, as stated an interview a couple years back - but you can’t honestly tell me their management just let them get away with it. Sure, through this time they’ve been pushing out new merch to no end, but something tells me that this giant gap they’ve wedged between the new album and Collide With The Sky isn’t gonna be good publicity, despite all the memes that’ve sprouted from it. There’s been fans who stopped taking interest in this band because of it, as well as fans who have just gotten fed up with having to wait so long. They scrapped a whole completed album in the process of creating Misadventures too, and while it’s not uncommon for bands to throw away near-completed ideas at whim, it’s also not unlikely for there to be some external factors or reasoning behind why they did it. Could it be that the album they threw away stayed too close to their roots and management or some other person told the band to start again, so that they can create something more appealing to this day and age? Or could it be something else that is hard to see at face-value?

You’ll Never Get Ahold Of Me Now

Finally, I’m gonna address the overdue elephant in the room. If you want to read the full thing, here it is because I’m tired of having to reiterate what happened. Mike Fuentes received a sexual allegation by some girl(s) and the band released a shitty statement that has since gotten deleted - that’s the general gist of it. 

Like I said, it’s been literal months (or weeks idk my perception of time is severely fucked) since I actually started making this post so literally no one cares anymore, but regardless of what past me has promised or written down, I’m not going to be discussing the allegation in itself, but rather what and/or how the band and their subsequent management has handled it, in that they handled it so bad that I honestly can’t believe they did it like that. 

Edit: I wasn’t gonna bother finding another copy of the statement bc no one’s gonna give a shit but then I’d be doing some baseless shit and I honestly can’t stand people who half ass these things, despite my growing urge to do the same thing, so here’s the statement. 

For starters, who the hell waits one whole month before releasing a statement? From what I can remember, their excuse was allegedly that pretty much management forbade them to talk or make a statement about it earlier for... reasons? (Just realised I don’t actually have the source for this so idk take it with a grain of salt I guess because I was sure I had read this somewhere but I can’t back it up.) 

That’s not even the worst part, either. The statement itself gave zero closure to literally everything. Yes, they acknowledged the allegation, but that’s just about as far as they went. The whole point of a statement is to clear things up, whether the accuser was right or wrong, and what steps will be taken from there, whether an apology is to be issued or not. No shit you know about the incident, who in the fandom wouldn’t? Instead pointing out the straight up obvious, what they should’ve done was 1) not waited an entire fucking month before talking about it, most likely hoping the whole thing to blow over by then and 2) actually talked about the incident in their statement instead of tiptoeing around the subject like some sort of time bomb ready to go off. There is no right or wrong answer, because literally all they had to do was tell the truth - as in write down a statement from Mike (not the whole fucking band mind you) about his take on the whole thing or get him to say what had happened from his point of view. Then resolve it privately with your legal team and whatnot if they really feel the need. Hell, all he needed to do was apologise. Whether something like that classifies as assault or rape or whatever is up to you but the fact of the matter is that she’s underaged at that point in time. Even if she was fully aware of the risks and whatnot and gave legitimate consent, under the eyes of the law and pretty much 80% of the people reacting to this incident, it will be deemed illegal and inappropriate behaviour. All these people had to do was literally just be open and honest about it regardless of whatever the hell happened, because this is all happening on a public platform where everyone can see/read it to their hearts’ content. Viewers can’t judge or make a decision to support or not support you if you don’t tell them your side of the story, so for the love of god, why the hell didn’t they?

The statement was filled with bullshit about how they love the fans and all that shit, and honestly my thoughts can be accurately summed up in this video right here. So much backlash could have potentially been avoided had they just told it as it is, because now all we have is a vague ass response that gives no closure and tell us nothing as to whether Mike actually did it or not, because in the statement he manage to spout some bullshit about how he’s “never intentionally manipulated or abused anyone in [his] life” and that he’s just a ball of empathy which at first glance could suggest he at least thinks he’s innocent, but then they go on to say how Mike’s taking a temporary leave from the band for, you guessed it, absolutely no reason. At least, no reason that they’ve given us (what else is new) (I’m becoming more petty as the night drags on it’s literally 1am). Honestly, .@piercetheveil, please tell me why the honest to god fuck did you have him leave just after suggesting that he might be innocent? I know the world isn’t black and white but when you’re making a stance and defending yourself or admitting to something, it really is - black and white that is. Either you’re innocent or believe that you’re innocent and stand your ground by not leaving the band, or you admit that you are guilty, in which case your leaving of the band would actually feel justified, because now it’s like you’re gonna come back as well, so what does that even mean? Mike isn’t gone indefinitely, he hasn’t pleaded guilty or innocent, and now the band is telling us they love us? Fuck out of here with that bullshit.

Yes, I support the band’s decision to pull out of the All Time Low tour and to not have Mike out there in case fans feel threatened or unsafe or whatnot, but if you’re pleading innocent, then honestly the whole band should’ve just said “hey we’re gonna go on hiatus for a while until our legal team’s finished with taking care of everything”, and not just said hey guys we’re gonna kick him out because he may or may not have done something that we’re not gonna tell you because we’re shady fuckers like that. I know they are on hiatus right now, but at the “start”, they only said that Mike would be withdrawing temporarily or whatever so it’s kind of like, okay? Sure? It’s a right mess I assure you. Honestly, throughout this whole incident, it was this statement part that made me really fed up with this band. My interest in them had died down significantly from since I hit fifteen all those three years ago, and right now when I dug up an old iPod shuffle to bring with me to university to save my phone battery throughout the day, I can honestly say that I won’t be adding any Pierce The Veil songs onto it anytime soon unless I get peer pressured to. Personally, I feel like that’s kind of the mentality of a lot of had-been Pierce The Veil fans, too.

That’s Great And All But What’s Your Point?

Pierce The Veil’s management sucks ass.

There’s no easy, lawsuit-prone way for me to say it but, and this is just a conspiracy theory I swear to god if I get the fucking ASIS kicking down my door in the middle of the night you better read the fucking disclaimer, there’s obviously some shady shit going on in there no matter what way you slice it. Either they’re sabotaging Pierce The Veil’s success or whether it’s all some big confusion or misunderstanding, or if they’re just plain dumb, we can all agree that this whole thing - the kellic fan service, album making, allegations and subsequent statements - should’ve and could’ve been handled a hell of a lot more gracefully and professionally. Believe it or not, waiting until things blow over is frankly just childish and solves literally nothing, so either they can pull their act together quickly with this next “special secret” album to redeem what little quality/dignity they have left, or they can just fade away into irrelevancy and become a band that no one cares about anymore. 

History repeats itself. This band is quickly becoming just another Leafyishere, and as ominous as that sounds, it’s honestly not unlikely at this point. I am intrigued as to where they go from here, because if they manage to breakthrough again, then I would be very surprised given their current situation. I want to know how they choose to handle this - whether it’ll be the same or not, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Thank you so much if you read through this honestly like I am beyond happy that this is fucking over because I have a bunch of non-band related post essays I’ve been meaning to post but this one’s been nagging at the back of my mind for the past few months or however long it’s been. I’ve clocked in at around past 3k words for this one, and none of this is edited because I’m honestly so done with this you don’t understand. Like I said before, this took ages because I was gonna make another post talking about other shit that relates to this before realising that there’s way too many people that’ve addressed the whole YouTube thing so me doing it would literally be pointless, and even though no one really reads this shit, as big of a nerd as I am, I do enjoy writing bullshit because maybe then I’ll stop ranting to my friends and family about topics they don’t care about.

Regardless, that’s it for this two parter thing, and until next time or whatever.

Catch’ya x

[bucketofchum]

So today’s been a long day. I guess I owe it to anyone who has been following my nebulous updates throughout the day (and night) if you were awake then to see the beginnings of my struggle day hah). I guess I’ll start from last night. (Warning: really fucking long post under cut)

I was already feeling faint and weak by 6:30pm or so yesterday. I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, which is bad, I know because I’m supposed to sleep a little more than normal due to the concussion. I slept about 5 hours the precious night. I thought I’d probably crash soon since I didn’t think it was likely that I’d be able to stay awake much longer. But I wanted to get some work done too that night and I had to shower too. Took my shower – that woke me up a bit, thankfully. I worked for a few hours and finished up a document, which, although it wasn’t much work, at least I got something done for this other job so I wouldn’t feel as bad. Around 10pm I started fading again. I crashed at around 10:30pm finally, hoping to get a solid night of sleep so I’d have a productive day of work tomorrow morning. I had a lot of writing to get done.

Instead, I had…a nightmare? Of sorts? It started out as kind of a normal every day kind of dream. I was messaging a friend here on tumblr as we usually do, and they sent me a gif of them eating a pizza – cuz if I went to sleep, then they’d eat pizza. Or something. So I was glad to see them enjoying their pizza. I don’t hear from them again for 3 hours, and it turns out the pizza was weed infused, haha. So now they’re pretty high and having a good time. I’m really happy for them. It turns out they’re going to attend graduate school where I went to undergrad, which is awesome – I was very excited to have them share a school experience with me ahah. But then I don’t hear from them for a little while longer and then get this short dense message from them that’s hard to read, but it seems serious. It’s about 3 sentences long, but it has no punctuation or capitalisation so it’s really hard to focus and see what it says. I get the gist of the first part “this is really hard for me to say…” and then I think it goes into them talking about how they have come to the difficult decision of annulling our friendship. ….I can…hardly believe it. I try really hard to read exactly what the words are saying to better understand what I did wrong, but I can’t focus – I’m dizzy and the words keep blurring together. I can only gather that I’m too unpredictable and not forthcoming or something along those lines – but it’s so hard to read.

Then I wake up from the anxiety attack induced by this. It’s a little past midnight.

I needed to confirm that the dream wasn’t true, so bleary eyed (I had only slept about 1.5 hours, but my heart was thudding out of my chest from anxiety), I turn to my phone. No messages from them. Hm. There’s also a chance they aren’t awake but idk. So I message them about the dream hoping for confirmation that the dream wasn’t real. They are awake. But the confirmation I was hoping for – to be comforted that the dream was unfounded – I did not receive. Shit. So. Well then… even if the dream did not happen, it would not be unreasonable to believe that it ..could happen. At any point. Sometime soon? Did they not want to be friends anymore? At least since I was talking to the real deal now and not trying to read a message in a dream, they could verballing confirm for me what the reasons would be for wanting to annul out friendship. They could tell me what I’ve been doing wrong that was so intolerable. And I’d respect it. I’d respect their decision to stop talking to me.

I realise I was.. probably delirious. And just not in a good mental place. For a lot of reasons. The dream-induced anxiety, the lack of sleep, the concussion, etc. But I had it in my head that there were these set of reasons that my friend had come up with for why they decided that they could no longer continue our friendship. And I needed to wring this out of them. And they were being dodgy and evasive and using vague words like “it’s complicated” or “you have your flaws” – but those weren’t responding to exactly what those were – or the reason to annul our friendship. The combination of the words they were using in this real life scenario and my dream of them wanting to annul our friendship.. was.. just a very bad combination. Nothing about the way I was thinking was.. on track.

Eventually they end up telling me some of their concerns, which are…not at all the concerns I thought – or had imagined in my dream. And that cognitive dissonance was able to break me out of the dream-mental-reality I was in. idk. That delirious talk also raised some other questions, but.. they needed to sleep. I can’t even imagine what that conversation must have been like on their end, tbh. I can hardly conceptualise what it was on my end since so little of it was grounded in reality.

It’s another hour or so before I fall asleep. I sleep at maybe 3am. Wake up promptly at 7am without an alarm (7:02 was sunrise; I remember I checked my phone at 7:04am). It takes me way too long to get ready for work. I was planning on walking to work, not biking (it’s about a 40 minute walk), but by the time I am ready to leave, it’s already 8:55am. I don’t know where the time went. So I stagger over to get my bike because if I’m going to be late, at least I won’t be…ridiculously late.

I’m at work by 9:30am. I can’t get any work done. I can’t focus. I make some edits to the document based on suggestions my supervisor had left, but I’m unable to generate complete sentences. I’m distracted and just can’t focus on anything at all. But I… check my e-mail and see I got a free haircut because of my blood donation at this hypermasculine place called SportClips? I check locations, and the nearest one is some 4 miles away. I don’t know if I want to make that trek – but I am due for a haircut I guess. I’ve been looking shaggy and haggardly lately I guess. My friend strongly urges me to get my hair cut – I guess on account of the recent attack. I guess I can pass as female (like a short haired androgynous female), so they do urge me to get my hair cut. Buzzed. Okay. I’ll have to find some time to allocate to get to this SportClips then. My friend and I laugh about how ridiculously hypermasculine this place is marketed. “Sports on TV” “Guy Smart Stylists” “It’s good to be a guy!” “You’re always welcome for a mini Man Break.” *images of attractive women cutting men’s hair and men watching Sports™ together* Tbh it’s a little nauseating. 

My supervisor checks in on me and tells me I should go home. I haven’t even been at work for 2 hours and she is sending me off because – I guess – I’m in terrible shape. She tells me I can make up the hours tomorrow and Friday. I only worked 3.5 hours yesterday too. I’ve just been… not doing great. But I know I can’t get anything done at work, so I take her advice and leave. It’s 11:30am – not even noon, and I’m already off work.

Huh. I figure I can get that haircut then. Since I unexpectedly have some time.

Have to figure out how to get there. There’s a …tube… it looks like only cars go there? I quickly look up that tube on the internet to see if it’s amenable to foot/bike traffic. The one site I checked confirms it is – says it’s a narrow pass, so only one bike can fit at a time - if there are two bikers, they have to dismount to pass. Fair enough. Makes sense. So I turn into the tunnel.

It…… hhmmmmm. I am only on the road for a few meters before I realise I am the only bike on a very high speed highway like road with no shoulder. Off the the side behind a fence is a small narrow sidewalk. But why didn’t I go in there? I passed the entrance?? I don’t think so. I don’t remember an entrance. So I dismount. On the fuckin freeway. I have to walk back against traffic. There is no shoulder. I’m fuckin. Terrified. But. I can’t keep going forward into the tunnel with this traffic. I would die. So less chance of dying is walking back to try to find how to get on the other side of this fence thing. It takes a while to walk back just a couple dozen meters or so because. It’s a blind curve. With trucks and cars going at 50-60mph. And I’m walking. With a bike. It’s just a terrible situation. I finally get back to where the fence starts. And it’s???? Fuckin??? NARROW??? The opening of the fence is just barely big enough for me to fit through sideways. Now look – I’m a decently slim person. When I looked at that entrance, just eyeballing it, I would have told you I wouldn’t be able to get in there. But. Idk I’m in too deep now. How to get my bike through, though. I dismantle the front wheel of my bike so that I can turn the handlebars sideways and…flip the bike through. It is too narrow for even the pedals to fit through. I guess that gives you an idea of how narrow this is. With enough finagling, I’m able to squeeze the bike through. Then the front wheel. Then my backpack. Then myself. On the other side of the fence now, I put my bike back together.

Now I guess if I were in my right mind I would not have done that. I probably would have called it a day. But clearly I guess I wasn’t thinking. My head is definitely not set on right from a combination of shit – the lack of sleep, the concussion, the combination thereof, the anxiety dream from the night before…? Any number of factors idk. But clearly the fact that I did all that shit without questioning anything means I wasn’t thinking rationally.

Anyhow once I got past that narrow entrance I felt relatively safe from the cars. I was elevated and behind a fence. Once in the tunnel, I was clearly the only non vehicular traffic. It was narrow enough for just me and my bike (for the handlebars of the bike to be straight across), but nothing else. Idk what that website was on about because there is no way two bikers could fit, even dismounted. Also – this is a highway???????? There is only one way traffic.

The tunnel ended after a mile. I did not feel 100% safe even behind the fence but that was…a lot safer than I felt outside the tunnel. No more fence, and the ledge narrowed to a staggering foot and a half wide. Which might have been fine – maybe – if not for the big arrow signs off the walls directing the car traffic. Why? I don’t know. It’s a fucking highway it’s not like there are multiple ways you can go. It’s those arrows that tell you the road is turning/curving, I guess so you don’t ram into a wall since you’re going 60-70 mph. Anyhow. 

I… was convinced I was going to die. If I stuck ad arm out at any point, I would have lost it. I tried hard to keep my body as close to the wall as possible, but those giant metal arrow signs meant that I occasionally had to step off into the actual road. I was gonna die here. And nobody would know where I was except the one friend. And for what. For a haircut. A haircut that would maybe prevent me from being assaulted another time? Idk.

This was.. the worst stretch of road. Honestly. Probably the first time I started thinking rationally all day. Why the fuck was I here? There was no way out of this. I’d shake every time a car or truck passed because of the speeds and they were close enough to almost clip me. It would have been so easy for me to die. 

But. I didn’t. Eventually the wall ended and it opened up to another highway. An open two way highway that was slower – I guess mostly local traffic. (Slower as in fewer cars, not slower speeds). I hopped the short divider fence and pulled my bike over, waited for the second highway to clear up, and traversed the four lanes. To. A …strip mall? Honestly idk at this point I felt unreal. Like if you’ve ever spent 3-4 days with no sleep and you feel ethereal and timeless and like you don’t actually have a corporeal form. That’s how I felt. It was a little past noon by this point. Of course the strip mall is relatively dead. Who goes to a strip mall at noon on a Wednesday? Liminal space. 

I wander around kind of delirious and find the SportClips. I fuckin almost died for this stupid SportClips. My body was covered in soot from the tunnel I guess, but the lady at the reception was kind enough not to say anything about that or my vacant stare and hollow tone of voice. 

But then idk what proceeded was…? One of the most pleasant experiences of my life? Idk if it was cuz I was so delirious but. Hm. So I usually cut my own hair, so I don’t know much about getting hair professionally cut. I didn’t have a picture or a goal in mind. Just.. short. Buzzed. She offered some suggestions and tbh I said “yeah sure okay” to them all. “You’re so picky – what am I gonna do with you?” she joked. She asked me how I normally wear my hair. ???? idk I just.. I just wake up and it’s on my head idk. I don’t use any product I guess. And she cut it…so it looked really nice?? Huhhh…..

And then since it was my first time there, she asked if I wanted a warm shampoo and head massage??? Um???? Okay???? She brought me around to the back and sat me down in a chair that reclined. And put a hot towel on my face. And massaged my temples of my forehead and my cheekbones ???? through the hot towel??? And then washed my hair with shampoo and massaged my head???? While doing it?????? It was the single most pleasant experience I had ever had in my entire life I think. Also?? The chair…was vibrating the whole time?????????? God… 

That didn’t last that long hah, but then she brings me out and sits me down in another chair. I guess it’s to dry off. She wiped my face off with the hot towel and I… just felt… really taken care of??? Idk I felt safe? Hah. Then she says dryly with a smile “but wait there’s more” and pulls out a thing – I don’t even know what it is but tbh I’m too afraid to ask. It almost looks like an…air horn…? But hold up, it’s not plugged in. I think maybe it’s a blow drier? And it’s. A fucking. Massage thing. She gives me a fucking neck and shoulder massage. I’m. Fucking. Dead. This is the most amazing thing I have never asked for, and I did not expect any of this. 

Then she tousles my hair with some product although tbh it looks pretty damn amazing even without product. I ask if I can give her kudos or anything on the website or anywhere. Turns out it’s her last day, so it’s not like it’ll do anything. But I can do it anyway so they know what they’re missing. Okay, I say. I’ll do that. Because of my blood donation, it was free. A $20 haircut and an unexpected massage for free. Wow.

Hm okay. Now I have to figure out how to get home. It’s about 12:30. There is a tube for the Northward direction but god idk there is nothing I wanted less at that moment than to relive that underground highway tunnel experience. I’m not sure I would survive a second attempt and I’d …really rather not. My heart had still not settled by that point. And just the thought of needing to do that again was anxiety inducing.

There’s a bus in the area and also a ferry. The bus is nearby but I don’t know if they will allow a bike on. The ferry is another 4 miles out of the way and will take me pretty far out, but I guess I can bike home eventually… before my tutoring. God, I still have to tutor tonight. As I’m looking for the bus station, I feel my legs buckle underneath me. I realise I haven’t eaten yet. It’s about 1:30pm. I think I last ate yesterday around…5pm? Hm. Anyhow if this bus thing doesn’t work out, I’ll look for the ferry and figure out how that works when I get there. Hopefully the bus works.

But I realise. I don’t have fuckin cash on me. Last week, a woman approached me and said she was homeless and needed money for food. I’m.. not in the best financial situation right now, as you guys probably know, but also I’ve been there – where you don’t know when or where you can get your next meal. She said please. I dug out my wallet and gave her the only bill I had – a $10. That would buy her lunch. Idk I didn’t feel as great as I should have because honestly I’m.. really not doing well myself. But. No one should have to go hungry. So. That’s why I have no cash on me. And the bus comes. The fare is $2.25. They don’t take card. And it’s exact change only. I’m kind of.. panicking as I’m digging through my backpack. My pockets are empty and every pocket in my backpack seems em…pty…? I see something shiny. A fuckin. Coin? I have… I miraculously have $2.25 in my backpack. I don’t know what sort of deity is pulling for me tbh – clearly some god somewhere is working overtime, cuz I somehow have exact fucking change for a bus fare. Lord in heaven. And the bus even has a rack for my bike.

The bus somehow crosses the channel without my noticing. Damn that was fast…? I’m so close to home. Also my hair smells ridiculously good. Even when I was in my “how to get home” panicked state, I kept on randomly smelling how ridiculously good my hair was. It was.. the strangest experience. Couldn’t focus on getting home because I was just distracted by the smell of my hair. Soot on my body and disheveled clothes, I probably looked like a hobo with a really fuckin sharp haircut. Idk. 

I get off about 8 blocks from my house and it’s a strange walk back. It’s about 3pm maybe and I’m just feeling delirious. Everything about it feels unreal but I just know I’m really close to home. I make it home, safe, and I can’t support myself upright anymore. Crash on my bed. I send a tremendously short e-mail to my tutoring client “I don’t think I can be there for our lesson tonight.” Probably conjugated a verb wrong, but I couldn’t think enough to write anything more. I finally crashed. I slept for about.. half an hour to an hour? About 40 minutes, I think. And spend another half hour lying there, trying to get up.

It’s now about 7pm. And I need to cook something.