#im not gonna explain my reasoning for why i support them because i dont feel like inviting discourse into my inbox

[miiilowo]

please tell me you dont support endosystems...

i do. get outta here. Scram

[slepptstudios]

hii found your forsaken fic amd i love it also curious to why we dont have a mouth aa hope you're doing well and cant wait for part 2

I've been letting this one sit in the box for a bit too long so i suppose i should answer this and explain that's there's gonna be a delay on chapter 2 for recent news about forsaken.

Im very glad to hear all the love and support for the fic despite it only having what I'd consider a prologue honestly- and to answer your question anon is that while i cant reveal much

About why exactly reader has no mouth because that would be spoilers for a much later chapter down the line. I can tell you that there's actually multiple reasons such as that the spectre just couldn't give them one even if it wanted to, something during the transfer from the real world into the game messed with it and it ended up resulting in reader's Voice Chat function being declined lmao.

Even then the spectre doesn't mind it too much since reader seems to be distressed anyways since having no mouth feels a little too familiar to a past they'd rather bury 6ft under the ground and never mention again.

And for the more unfortunate news:

I have to go back rewrite two time with a more personal take on them because i dont feel comfortable now knowing that Soul for reasons beyond me made 007n7 and two time's interpretation as their personal self inserts.

As for proof...

I'm disheartened to say the least about knowing my favorite character depiction of 007n7 was more of less a self insert of a not so great person and while i have never really found myself liking two time much i know about the amount of people that adore them and i can only feel for them after this news dropped.

Atleast on a happier note that this wont affect me continuing to write chapter 2 of Jump into It, I Guess but safe to say the release is gonna get pushed back because i'd rather not follow soul's self insert story depiction on two time or 007n7.

Despite the fact I've already gone back and rewritten their introduction multiple times, this one time feels more necessary for my sanity more than any other reason I've had in the past to rewrite two time's sections.

-Ace

[crownedhades]

im having a killer sans and my own personality disorder fixation so i might as well talk about them both. and also share how my symptoms and love for killer overlap.

ill also be talking about color and swap sans.

.°• ੈ♡₊˚•.

so for reference i have covert schizoid personality disorder. covert meaning that you would not initially expect me to be szpd upon first meeting me unless youre a psychologist that understands how my inner mind works.

anyway. szpd is also commonly compared to autism, depression, avoidant and anti-social personality disorders due to a variety of reasons and overlapping symptoms.

short comparison explanation to quickly dumb it down: autism? shared social ineptness. depression? chronic anhedonia. apd? we... avoid people. aspd? most schizoid's have limited or no empathy.

for a quick szpd description, read this brief mayo website. keep in mind, though, that while mayo clinic is mostly credible, they do reference the dsm-5. schizoid specialized psychologists are known for having beef with the dsm-5 and constantly shit on it in their introductions in schizoid related research papers.

as another thing, schizoid's have this thing called a "safety person." not all schizoid's have one, but its a clinical term used for when a schizoid trusts someone enough to rely on them for things. i guess. (similar to the term "favorite person" for bpd? but obviously not as extreme since we can easily cut our sp off if theyre deemed unsafe. we're not that attached.)

why am i explaining all of this? because i know damn well most people reading this have no idea what szpd is. from lengthy experience.

moving on!

what you have been all been waiting for... killer sans.

yeah, honestly, i love the dude. i kind of see him as a son more than anything, so outside of me projecting myself onto him, hes kind of like a son to me.

an adult son that i have not been able to kick out of the house for a millenia bc he spends all of his money on random shit that he collects and trophies in his room. type of vibe.

anyways, i know people usually headcanon killer as having aspd. and im not gonna take that away from anyone because honestly, i 45% agree with it. its not my cup of tea, but theres definitely some convincing signs.

but then do i headcanon him as having szpd, if not aspd? fuck to the fucking no. he is closer to aspd than szpd for sure, even if i dont fully support aspd killer.

but as someone with szpd, i do heavily relate to killer in quite a few things. such as the general emotional supression that comes with being a schizoid. the absolute indifference that embodies us. the lack of reaction. the lack of feeling. the lack of identity. having to mimic other people just to blend in and avoid confrontation because we dont want any kind of attention. good or bad attention.

sure, killer is much different than us when it comes to attention. honestly, from the looks of it, im pretty convinced he has periods of craving attention.

schizoids do not crave attention.

but on a lot of other things.... its easy to relate to him. its easy to see myself in him. its easy to pick apart his mind and psychoanalyze his character when you've already done half the work just by observing yourself.

a schizoids observation of the self can be described by this fellow tumblr user.

so its very easy to understand killer. stupidly easy. like a predictable animal under the influence of "classical conditioning."

classical conditioning... this does not help with my more cruel, angst-driven headcanons.

but anyway.

color sans in specific almost feels like a safety person to killer. because like... in order to be a safety person, you have to respect a schizoid's autonomy and independence. you cannot force us to rely on you. you cannot force us to open up to you.

so i make this comparison because i feel like thats exactly how it works between killer and color, too. they go at each others own pace. color only makes emotional demands when its important, but otherwise keeps a reasonable space as to not overwhelm or threaten killers autonomy. mutual respect and effort kind of thing.

i also make this comparison due to killer's absolute hatred for swap sans. how hes depicted to always be bullying or releasing his anger out on swap. and for what? because swap wants to help killer?

another trait that happens to relate to schizoid.

schizoids easily feel disgusted by reassurance and people going out of their way to "help them." mostly due to the schizoids innate superiority complex (but has a stable ego, uneffected by praise or criticism) and because schizoids "already know" what theyre being reassured on.

its like youre insulting our intelligence and logical reasoning, essentially, since we are not intune with our emotions enough to accept emotional reassurance.

which i think killer also feels when it comes to swap. swap's attitude feels more like an insult than anything, which is different from color's laid-back approach.

"how dare you tell me something i already know?" kind of thing.

.°• ੈ♡₊˚•.

this is all for tonight. i might make a part 2 post tomorrow. its time for bed for me.

again tho i do not think killer is szpd. this is just a comparison for funsies.

edit: heres part 2

[demonqueenart]

im just gonna be so genuine and say i love you but i dont understand what racist remarks you're talking about and it's really frustrating for me to hear people talk about this like its so serious when i havent seen anything at all thats bad. im white so i think i may have genuinely missed things but could you please just give me some examples? i really am trying to understand where you guys are coming from its just getting hard because everyone is just getting mad at each other whenever they talk about it. i know people are mad bc of something dan said about not being able to come on tour to third world countries and possibly something he said in like 2011 when he was in his crazy fake tan phase? i just really am not seeing anything here that i think would get people so worked up and i would love to understand better

Hey anon, I understand where you coming from. And I really appreciate you trying to understand better.

To be really honest, why things have blown up now is because of the upcoming tour. It’s not really about why they couldn’t go to the other continents when they’re planning to do 32 shows in US, even though that’s also fishy af cause they could’ve easily dipped into Mexico, and the route they using feels like they’re avoiding latam specifically. The way that they handled this with poc fans is the problem, because while they’re being excited from the tour or whatever, they have not once tried to explain why they couldn’t go to poc fans (or the majority of us that is. Some of us might live somewhere else.)

The way they keep retweeting and being hyped about the tour, while basically intentionally avoiding talking to us is just.. it hurts. Most of us complain about this, and even more expressing how they just need dnp to give them an explanation. But never once did they do it. Instead, they even launch more trailer lol. And I know they saw it, there’s a lot of us and they like snooping on social media anyway. It makes us feel like we’re not part of the tour, that it wasn’t meant for us. And it was actually the first time I questioned if I was really a part of this community at all.

Turning back to phandom with that state of mind, it can feel like everyone is abandoning you. Because just like dnp, everyone is only talking about the tour, and not about how this exclusion needs to be addressed. It’s understandable why people would feel angry when they just keep being ignored like their voices didn’t matter. But I know now, just because people didn’t interact with me, doesn’t mean they didn’t want to be there for me. We just might come from a different place. (Btw, if you’re western and you have poc friends who’s affected by this, please reach out to them. The reason why I’m still here rn is because of all my friends, western friends included, saying they’ll be there for me throughout this racism thing. They might be angry and hurt, and even assume the worst of you. And I won’t ask more than you can do. But saying you understand (or at least empathize the situation they’re in) and that you will support them no matter what, will help them a lot.)

Dan clearly carry a micro aggression around latam, and the fact that this still occur in wad really says a lot about how they’ve not grown from that. When dan said brazil and mexico were 3rd world country on was, that makes us feel like he’s looking down on us. And the fact that they have avoided latam specifically without giving any reason why they couldn’t go, well, there’s only so many things you can assume is happening under the surface. This makes us feel like they’re looking down on us, and that they’ve never seen their poc fans as equals.

The reason why the old stuff was brought up is because this isn’t the first time this has happened. Dan has made a lot of racist remarks, and while it’s understandable to slip up from time to time, and even more understandable why he might be afraid to actually apologize and own things up, it doesn’t excuse the patterns that are being repeated here. When he doesn’t take accountability to his past mistakes and keep repeating the patterns of racism and exclusion, that indicates he’s going to keep oppressing us forever without ever acknowledging it. And THAT is not okay.

We don’t want to cancel them, never once do we want that. We only want dnp to hear us and actually talk to us about this. They are not beyond redemption, but it’s going to be hard for them to open up considering the past fifteen years of them not doing that. So the only thing we can do at this point is to be more opened up about their racist remarks. We’re bringing up past mistakes now, because there’re still a lot of people who have been affected by this, and them not bringing it up is not going to make all that hurt go away. So I suggest, we should bring it up, not to cancel them or demonize them! But to acknowledge it exists so that we can heal from it. We can learn to love dnp despite being flawed, and normalize how to take accountability to make this place safer for poc. These voices can’t be avoided because that’s also a form of exclusion in this community. I want everyone to feel welcomed here, so I’ll listen to their voices when they need it. That way, there will be a place for poc to belong in this space. We can learn to include each other in, or at least I hope so :3

*also, this will be very funny if this ask turns out to be dnp, but whatever lol xD Hope we can catch up someday whoever you are (✿˵ ꒡3꒡˵)৴♡*

[the-s1lly-corner]

TADC cast x supportive!reader (platonic)

except its hyper specific and applies to my oc specifically because i need a little pick me up today reader is like the circus members anchor as well as a generally serving as a support system and has been in the circus for a while. havent decided on how long but definitely getting close to kinger in terms of how long theyve been stuck. kind of gives off dad energy have not shared the oc here on this blog but i have shared them elsewhere, wont say where because im embarrassed </3 this was originally gonna be a ship chart dynamic but im too tired to draw everyone plus this feels more fun using 'you/your' pronouns for the reader even though its an oc so you guys can at least like, insert yourself REMINDER requests are closed, this is a personal request from myself. any requests sent now will not be answered even after they reopen. please respect that and understand that requests are closed

CAINE:

saved caine for last (yes i know hes the first one in the list hush i dont actually write these in order) i think you and him would have friendly back and forth banter. youve accepted your place in the digital circus long ago so you dont see much point in trying to interrogate him for information on a possible exit. and sure, i dont know if caine can abstract, but i think he enjoys the conversations between the two of you... that said, given how accepting you are with everything as well as having a "roll with it" outlook on the digital world, he probably uses you as plot stuff and props for IHA; be it as a false hostage or as a means to progress the adventure... definitely has a soft spot for you, i think... jax and bubble have a dark bet on when you will finally abstract/j

RAGATHA:

ah yes the optimistic duo, the hopeful pals, the sillies. you two are probably the main reason why everyone else is... mostly... fine, i mean i think having someone be so friendly and open cane make things a little easier for other people. as well as this you two mutually lean on each other for support and uplift one another when things get tough. i mention it in kingers part, but you too are also afraid of bugs but you would help ragatha clear her room of centipedes in a heartbeat, even going as far as to collect them with your bare hands.. so uh... take that as a testament to yalls friendship

JAX:

now im a little stumped on this one because i really dont think the "reader" would be buddy buddy with jax... or maybe they would be... hmm.. on one hand i can see them scolding him for pushing his pranks 'too far' (ex. the ragatha centipede thing, assuming he actually did it), but i can also see a "supportive figure and rebellious kid" dynamic. except jax isnt a kid but you are old enough be his dad, probably.. i think ill just leave that here since i dont have any other ideas

POMNI:

youve been here for a while, so i think naturally pomni would gravitate towards you in order for possible solutions and escape routes, perhaps she would approach kinger, too... but this isnt about kinger </3. fine line between outright shattering their hope but also instilling it, neither are great options... one can lead to despair and the other to obsession; both will lead to abstraction... but theres also the fact none of your past attempts at escape had been successful, nor did you ever find any leads. as for actual potential friendship i think you would take the same route as ragatha in the pilot; show her around and explain things to her in a fairly digestible way. as well as this you tend to gravitate towards her during her first IHA until she gets the hang of them; typically making sure she doesnt get lost or hurt, as well as giving her pointers that could help with the task at hand

KINGER:

writing kinger first, you guys are like the dads of the circus. you more so because you still have a decent hold of yourself. you were there when queener/queenie abstracted, and you were there for kinger during the still on going grieving process. as for actually friendship ideas, you two just sit and talk to one another. thats it, really. i could go on about all the things you two do together, and i probably would since kinger is my favorite and this post is literally about my oc... but i truly dont see these two getting up to anything insane outside of IHA. kinger needs someone to help him fill the silence, and you would be there. and vice versa, i think... bonus, you dont like bugs but you still grin and bare it while listening to kinger rattle on about his cool bug facts... i think that would be nice..

ZOOBLE:

optimistic dad who likes fishing and moody teen who bullies kids on roblox. thats literally the dynamic, except again, zooble is an adult and the reader has no kids... but hey its the same energy. tries to get zooble to engage with IHA but not in a pushy way but more in like... an inviting them to pair with them for comfort and security kind of way. sure you understand that they dont like them because theyre just so over everything but you want them to be included, especially since the IHA are meant to stimulate your minds and keep you guys grounded

GANGLE:

honestly i think you just adopt half of the cast at this point, the only people who arent your kids are ragatha caine and kinger... everyone else gets passed around in split custody/j now onto gangle, you probably try to give her peptalks to make her feel better as well as fixing her comedy mask anytime it breaks. as well as this i think you and her sit down and do arts n crafts together, perhaps even making new masks altogether... i like to think gangle hears a few... things about the others and knows things since shes so quiet and in the background so theres definitely some 'gossip' between the two of you... but not in a shit talking way, no i dont think either of you are like that, rather more so just talking about the others

BONUS STUFF:

you call gangle, zooble, jax, and pomni generic 'dad nicknames' so like. think sport, champ, bud, pal. stuff like that, with varying reactions... i think gangle wouldnt fight it and actually appreciates it. zooble scoffs and rolls their eyes, jax plays into it while loudly and obnoxiously calling you dad. (whenever you ask him to do something he loudly goes like "okay DAAAAAAD" before likely not doing the thing that was asked of him), pomni is just confused really since shes not all that used to it. huh. guess youre a dad of 4 now

you and ragatha tend to clean up after the others, leaving you two alone and you guys just. talk as you clean. probably do impressions of the others in a really comical and dramatic as well as exchanging stories

you and kinger hunt for new pillows to add to his fort. you try to coax him into stepping out of the tent and explore the grounds, so far you're unsuccessful

touching on the gossip thing from gangles part caine probably tries to ask you for some "juicy drama" about the others. who is having issues with her, whos crushing on who, stuff like that... i think caine would try to play matchmaker if there actually is someone who has a crush on someone else... this goes for the current cast as well as those who have come and gone from the digital circus (cough cough abstracted)

[cns-mari]

I AM GIGGLING???? sm happened in E4 ITS INSANEE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT !! (as well as me js ranting abt them and the show HELP)

AWW THE WAY DINA LOOKS AT ELLIE WHILE SHE PLAYS GUITAR I AM SCREAMINGGG

pls i need a dina who looks at me like this (or can i be someones dina I WANNA HAVE SOMEONE TO LOOK AT THEM LIKE THIS DUDE im crashing tf out) AND DINA STARTED TEARING UP??? yeah kill me THATS SO SWEET WTHH D: "What's up with all the rainbows?" E: "I don't know, maybe they were all optimists or something." LFMAOAO IM PISSING MYSELF No guys theyre js representing what you are dw about it HELP

PLS THE ENTIRE SCENE WHERE THEY WERE JS RUNNING FROM THE GUYS?? AND THE INFECTED??? BRO THAT HAD ME ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT WHY TF WERE THERE SM INFECTED WHATTT

not ellie also taking the bite for dina LIKE I JS KNEW THATD TAKE A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DINA

like ellie ily but u could have explained that u were immune to dina while you guys were on ur way to seattle but i do see why that also wouldnt have worked

AND OH MY GOD NOT DINA HOLDING A GUN TO ELLIE??? istg i genuinely thought that dina was gonna shoot ellie for a min but glad it worked out (cos obv plot wise how tf would that work)

"i'm pregnant." AND THEN YOU GUYS START HAVING SEX?? IM FUCKING WEAKKKK BAHAHAHA

you guys go on and do it cos its litch the apocolypse so go one who cares fr

E: "why now?" D: "I thought you were gone. And then all of a sudden, this future I was imagining wasn't gonna happen. Where we're together, and we have a kid and... I don't even know if you want that." E: "I want it with you."

DINA DONT BREAK MY HEART RNNN UGHH

istg if anything happens to them im going to go insane and crash the fuck out

AWW THE ENTIRE FAMILY THING IS SO CUTE IM ACTUALLY NOT OKAYYY lesbians for the win

i feel like they'd be so cute w a daughter BAHAHA like idk why but i can see them as a family unit with a daughter, not a son for some reason

but regardless i'd like to imagine that they love their child no matter what, of this i'm sure <3

I GUESS that Jesse would also have to pay child support?? and obv if he wanted to he could have visitation w his kid cos biologically it is his child but i think that the kid would deffo be raised w Ellie n Dina in their home

omg maybe it would be Joel's home where they raise the kid in UGHH KILL ME

it's sweet but also so harsh idk its bittersweet to me

E: "You pee on it?" D: "I don't piss on random things for no reason."

STOP IM SO DEAD RN BAHAHA

also her taking FOUR pregnancy tests is so real u can never be too sure frfr

DINA'S CONFUSION ABT HER SEXUALITY IS SO REALLL

pls i relate to her sm w like repressing your sexual identity COS OH MY GOD REAL?? esp the part where she told HER MOTHER LIKE??? omg congrats to her for being confident enough to tell her mother but i hate her response, tfym "no, you only like boys" THATS GONNA MESS A KID UP EVEN MORE???

like dina litch says "i got stuck" LIKE OFC SHES GONNA BE EVEN MORE CONFUSED?? and also the burden to js be heterosexual as thats the norm no matter what time period ur in is gonna also come into play

"I tried to make things work with Jesse because I like him, I do. I think he's a really great guy. But he wasn't the one"

STOP THIS MAKES SM SENSE NOW W THE "do you think Jesse's a sad guy?" AND THE "I hope that that's just how he is inside, otherwise it would be me" OH MY GOD IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW

guys i could talk sm abt this but im not going to cos unfortunately im gonna go off on a massive tangent </3

"you sure it's jesse's?" way to call your gf a whore ellie HELP LMFAO

E: "So we're all having a baby. Holy shit. I'm gonna be a dad."

HELL YEAH NOT ELLIE JS TAKING ON THE DAD ROLE LMFAO???

pls i love ellie x dina sm its litch like a butch woman (does ellie seem butch? okay for the sake of this argument/trope she is rn) w her femme gf BAHAHA

E: "You don't have to go. You can stay here." D: "Fuck you." E: "No, I'm not saying... It's different now." D: "Yes, it is." E: "Will you please just think about it?" D: *Taking Ellie's hand and intertwining their fingers* "Together."

UGHH I GET WHERE ELLIE'S COMING FROM COS OBV everyone has that sense of protectiveness when it comes to a pregnant woman like obv theyre carrying a child, Dina is carrying their child that Ellie obv wants to keep safe, she wants to take care of them both so i get it

but also im guessing Dina isn't too far along seeing as she just found out recently? uh idk if this is right cos tbf she doesnt look pregnant (what a stupid thing to say guys dont ever tell a woman that they look/do not look pregnant) so i wanna guess maybe uh a few weeks at most??

And Dina is the only one who wanted to go w Ellie, like omg Dina litch made all the plans for them to actually get out of Wyoming in the first place so obv she'd be pissed if she feels like Ellie's pushing her to the sidelines now

okay enough ranting that was my thoughts abt S4!!

i absolutely adore them i hope everything is fine for them

theres only 3 more eps so im praying nothing happens omg omg

[endykelopaedia]

I'm privileged for a completely different facet of my identity that works differently than gender. I was born White and am White and there's no moving away from that. People are AGAB and the societally approved thing to do is to stick to that. Those who challenge their AGAB are all committing the same violation. I cannot offend society with my race but a trans man and a trans woman are doing fundamentally the same thing to piss people off. The cishetpatriarchy wants men to be men and women to be broodmares, and see a "man" wanting to be that which is hated and othered as repulsive, just as they hate a broodmare trying to put themselves on the level of (cis) men.

The funny thing about all this is that while I think the idea of AFAB trans people weaponinzing their AGAB is massively overblown, it IS totally possible for them to have conditional "privilege" in radfemmy spaces...because radfems see them as "female." I have no idea where the overwhelming and bias-inducing love for masculinity outside the cishetpatriarchy comes from. I just plain do not see it. I've never even heard anything but horror stories about relations between trans men and cis gay man.

And the idea that trans men are liked better by the cishetpatriarchy for wanting to be men is so flabbergasting it makes me see stars. Surely we don't think cishet men love masculine "women" or that women throughout history could have simply said they want to be referred to as men as a get-out-of-misogyny-free card.

A lot of times it genuinely seems to me like a lot of trans men who support this framework get gender euphoria out of living out this weird fantasy world. And it's honestly creepy? Like what I'm constantly reading into this is "I'm such a man I could totally have power over you and use it to abuse you if I wanted to but of course I never would." Like that does not make me feel good or safe lol! I've had multiple tell me that they believe in transmasc privilege because they themselves used to be transmisogynistic or partook in sOcIaL mUrDeR, which is a wild own goal to me because all the transmascs I know are hyper-vigilant about hopping on transmisogyny as soon as they see it.

Like, yes, you are a man! You are. I agree with that. But the material reality is that transphobes do not treat you like one and the queer community is much more divided and fractious in a way that does not really advantage one group in particular. Like a given space can favor transmascs but it could also favor transfems, and the only reason the latter isn't considered a problem is based on the tautological argument that they don't exist so the ones that do exist are NBD. Like, I could give you example after example of transfem-favoring queer people being absolutely unambiguously vile about trans men, but it always just gets No True Scotsman'd. No matter how many times it's provably manifest it's always shrugged off as an anomaly, or justified by the same thing being directed at trans women, which is a problem for transfems and not transmascs just because.

only a white woman could comfortably say that white privilege & gendered oppression work completely separate LMAO and yk what i dont think you even really believe that bc why would you immediately come out swinging about my supposed racism against black trans men (MYSELF) specifically over a post that only talked about male privilege.

i know damn well you have a barely coherent prose tucked away about the demonisation of black masculinity being proof of societal misandry that works out REAL well for you when you're arguing with other white folk. i didnt say it before but im gonna say it now, you dont actually give a fuck about black people and you should keep us out of your salty mouth. moving on.

you neednt explain the basics of misogyny, transphobia and cisheteropatriarchy to me. one thing i notice about a lot of you transandrophobia folks is you really like to over explain yourselves. wondering if overwhelming people with words works out for you usually. makes it easier to hide your blatant contradictions and terf-y talking points, yeah?

Like: "And the idea that trans men are liked better by the cishetpatriarchy for wanting to be men" "Surely we don't think cishet men love masculine "women"" is nasty work. this is whyyy i asserted we arent just he/him females to you under the first ask you sent me. cuz i KNEWWW you didnt think of us as men fr. that platitude at the end doesnt mean SHIT. i LIVE as a man & get treated like one. transphobes dont see me as one on principle but a) not everyone i interact with is a transphobe and b) transphobes CANT always tell. but none of that matters cuz we just innocent little girls with a dream, of course. how could we possibly perpetuate societal (trans)misogyny if we only women who want to be men, right.

i assume this is your response to the TERF talking point "trans men are only doing transitioning to escape womanhood & get a slice of male priviege" but it being "what do you mean? trans men will NEVER really be men or seen as men so how could they use it to get male privilege?" ??? plot is LOST. youve gone back to sounding exactly like them.

hopping from calling me racist against black trans men, to realising i am a black trans man, to calling me (and men like me) creeps for the SICK tboy fantasy that is being openly aware of my ability to perpetuate misogyny. wild. WILD. dont even know what to say to you.

i dont feel good around people who hold me hostage to tell me how bigoted (usually racist in my case) they used to be against me either. but the solution wouldnt be to surround myself around white people who dont got the SICK racist fantasy of holding power over me in this society, and it isnt to shut my ears and act like i aint capable of (trans)misogyny at all either? you really feel less safe around trans men who know know that they can be bigoted against you vs ones who dont? i mean. thats you, i guess.

since i'm not a he/him female i think id rather listen to trans women who arent she/her males on actual transmisogyny in queer spaces, bc something tells me your attitude towards it is different from most.

and god, please spare me your examples. i can just look at my actual life and draw smarter conclusions than you have.

[lyss-sketchbox]

[arlecchino sq rant]

and ALSO the way her story quest predictably but disappointingly had no internal logic. even after the memory wiping reveal she was like "NO ONE can escape this if they betray me hoho hehe this is totally successfully written" UNTIL it came to our three playables!! they get a choice, not even just Lyney as the supposed successor! Why involve them then? Why not make a quest mostly about uninteresting npcs like you so love doing? WHO APPROVED THIS

...at least the other animated short, with the twins, is so good

Tbh i dont have any specific gripe with arle's SQ, it's good enough

What i like about it :

Fatui trio dynamic and quirks when they interact with each other (fist bump, natural role division when they scheme, etc.)

Lyney's conviction about 'this is my family, i will protect them with my life' is SHOWN instead of TOLD multiple times (planned the scheming, trying hard to help clervie, stepping up to fight Arle)

The MAIN FOCUSED character initiated the plot instead of 'oh hello random npc i've never met OF COURSE i'll help you'

Arle and Childe dynamic (talks about family growing up, mutual agreement that regrator sucks), feels natural, childe naturally believing rumours easier and arle cautiously choosing her words to mold how people perceive her even in leisure

Alre's strict principles well established (traitors must be punished, all support/sacrifices will be rewarded) it is obvious she works for her goals alone, she joins factions and alliances because she establishes equal trades regardless of which side you fight for.

She clearly don't want to be like Crucabena because she was once her child, and while that doesn't fully explain why she 'cares' about the House, i can excuse that Clervie atleast influenced her in some way so that her children has the freedom to choose the life they wish to live (referring to Clervie's only freedom then is to choose to die)

What i don't like :

The entire facking backstory spoiled in the animation for pity points and/or marketing

Deux ex machina in the form of khanerian crimson moon descendant so her flames can just... anchor people's dying shadow to the world???? sometimes????? plus clervie died when she is 16 and for some reason the shadow is 10 because.........?

Her flames has memory powers also so that she can just choose to make people forget memories of the House

Also look, i get that it's her answer to children who wants choose the life they want, its a magical fantasy world okay pog. But like... so are you saying that these children who forget their House memories just.... get handed a life? a house? a new identity? are people not gonna question why new people are suddenly popping up in their neighborhood? is the government in on it so that they can basically gaslight people that 'ah yes this former fatui person is now your neighbor, has always been!! mhm yeah'?? This is some irminsul level world deletion but manmade??????????

Look its a good premise, it just.... half-bad execution. I get what theyre trying to tell but they are patching the loopholes with magical tissue paper. Its... a lil too easy i think, too hand-wavy. If it was a magic spell to make them forget then they were set to live in a different area and helped gradually to integrate to society, its a lil better. But like... EVEN in the story quest those people who took the bottled flames took a full 2 DAYS to reintegrate to society the SAME society they operated as fatuis in, no issues whatsoever.

While my original gripe is just that the animations shouldve dropped a couple days after the SQ (like how genshin usually post cutscenes a few days after the quest), the more i look into it the more im just squinting at this

[dontlookheswatching]

I wanna randomly ramble about my main au regarding ships real quick.

TRIGGER WARNING, PLEASE NOTE THAT I MENTION THINGS LIKE ABUSE, RAPE, ALCOHOL AND DRUG ABUSE!! Please don't read if these things upset you! I want everyone to be safe, so if any of this is triggering, this is to tell you to scroll by!

I'm a multishipper, I've stated this on my blog before, I ship practically everything if I see it a certain way. But lore wise when it comes to my blog, relationships are specific. I might post a relationship chart one day, but basically, I have main ships, and then I have like a billion little side ships I enjoy but they wont make a big appearance on this blog unless they're random doodles unrelated to the lore, or part of a ramble or reblog. Im gonna list examples of each so people know what to expect in future posts where some of these ships are featured. If you want to unfollow me for some of these, I'm not stopping you, I'd highly encourage doing so if any of these ships make you uncomfortable, because I don't want anyone to stay on my blog if it brings discomfort.

Several main ships I have that'll be featured perhaps the most are ones like Jeff x Ben, which if not already obvious is the main relationship that'll be focused on. Another is Tim x Toby, they're both adults in my au, I do not support pedophilia whatsoever and if need be I have aged up characters to avoid this. Lastly, I have Liu x Eyeless Jack. I honestly dont know why I started shipping it but its really cute to me and it stuck and they're very dear to me. These three are perhaps the ships that'll be featured the most, but I'm having a brain fart like always and I'm already forgetting my own ships-😭

These are ships that'll be in the blog as well but they aren't as big and focused on. A example to start off with is Jane x Clockwork. I know, canonly, Jane is married to Mary, and I love that, but this is my own personal au so things are different, although in my heart Jane and Mary are definitely on top, and I might do doodles of them from time to time. Another example is Nina x everyone. No, not literally. She just has crushes that come and go ALL the time, and she flirts with everyone, so often to where no one questions it anymore. She had a Jeff arc and got over him and now she's living her life how SHE wants to. A few more include Nurse Ann x Judge Angels, Hobo Heart x Cody/X-Virus, Lost Silver x Glitchy Red, Jason the Toymaker x The Puppeteer, and Kate x Rogue. I have many more, but for now, I'm gonna explain the ones already listed since a few might seem really random. For Angels and Ann, Im just gonna admit, I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers or people who act like they hate each other but they secretly love each other deep down. For Hobo and Cody, in my au, they're both huge loners, and we're paired in a mission once. It was very awkward but the more they talked the more they realized they had a lot in common. I love them. Theres more lore to the reason I've paired Silver and Red together, but to sum it up, Silver had a massive crush on Ben, but Ben has his eyes set on Jeff and didn't return the feelings, and I didn't want Silver to be sad and alone his whole life, plus, they're dynamic is adorable. Sad pessimistic person x person who has seen whats under the sadness and admires them anyways. For Jason and Puppeteer, i saw a cosplay with them on tiktok and I couldn't help myself, I caved immediately. And lastly for Kate and Rogue I realized their characters have several things in common and I realized they'd probably get along pretty well.

Now, for side ships, I won't give an explanation, this ramble is already longer than planned. Im just gonna throw them out there with no context. EJ x Ben, Ben x Lost Silver, Nina x Kate, Tim x Brian, Tim x Jay, Jay x Alex(Yes some other marble hornet characters may be featured in the blog or in doodles), Jessica x Amy, Toby x EJ, Liu x Ben, and many MANY more, too many to state here.

Now that its out there, I wanna real quick talk about something I've reblogged a few days ago. Just because they're bad people who have done bad things, it doesn't mean they dont deserve love or happiness. Plus, the majority of these creeps were people who were wronged time and time again until they were pushed over the edge, it probably definitely wasn't something they had planned out since they were like 3. Now, despite this, some of them definitely aren't the best lovers to have, like Jeff, because again, these are murders and deranged killers. This is a super dark confession but theres A LOT of lore between Ben and Jeff in my au where things were AWFUL for them because Jeff couldn't get a grip on himself for the longest time. He's not like that anymore, and things are MUCH better for the both of them, but they definitely had an era in their relationship where things were beyond toxic. Beyond toxic as in Jeff was incredibly abusive, physically and mentally, and had a MAJOR alcohol addiction, and even proceeded to get Ben addicted to drugs at some point, sometimes going as far as raping him when he did not give consent. I won't give away too many details, but I will say, again, this is in the past and they've both healed over their traumas and managed to get through it together, and are in a much better state(A lot of breaking up and getting back together happened throughout this 'toxic era' though, and even after healing, theres still minor problems that I will not elaborate, they will be found out throughout the blog and maybe hints in some doodles.) But this is a good example of what a realistic relationship in this fandom with Jeff might look like. But just because people are deranged and definitely not mentally stable, it doesn't mean they can't try to change, and it definitely doesn't mean they dont deserve love unless they're as bad as Jeff was but with no intentions to change.

Im always happy to further explain any of this, but I will not tolerate harassment for the things I like. But anyways yeah thats my whole thing on ships im gonna go cry over my broken apple pencil now

-Max❤

[ashdiaries]

ya’ll i just had the most humbling experience of my life today so i’m gonna talk about it. for context i am in a school that is 6-12th grade, and there’s like a total of like 24 kids in the whole building (this is because it’s specifically a setting for students with mental disabilities and disorders- and is small on purpose to reduce stress levels) so some of my classes are mixed with little 7th grade boys. specifically my gym/health class because i am the “teachers assistant” for some reason (i did not sign up for this somebody save me /j) and basically i was just minding my business with my aarmau meemeows on my desk because a lot of people carry around plushies as like a support item, so i carry around my aaron and aphmau ones on days where i’m having a hard time and stuff. and this little 4 foot boy taps me on the shoulder and goes “those are from aphmau” and i had a fucking HEART ATTACK. i just stared at him and went “yea. you watch her?” and he got all excited. it was very cute. so we started chatting about it and i was like “oh who’s your favorite character of hers?” and he said ein and i was like interesting choice but ok- and we started talking about aarmau since we both knew a decent amount about them n’ stuff- or at least i thought we did. i was fully convinced we were on the same page but then he started talking about what videos he watches and it hit me like a truck. he watches jess’ CURRENT content. he watches COCOMAU. WHICH MAKES SENSE SINCE HES LIKE A SMALL CHILD BUT FOR SOME REASON I DIDNT REALIZE THATS WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT UNTIL HE MENTIONED LIKE A RECENT VIDEO. so i was just sitting there hiding my absolute whiplash while he asked me if i’d seen any of the videos he was talking about- and i confessed to him that i only like her older stuff from like 2016 and he was like “oh. okay.” HE DIDNT LOOK UPSET OR ANYTHING BUT I STILL FELT A BIT BAD. nothing was worse then when i felt like i was aging rapidly though. like oh my god i am an out of touch elderly woman. pleaseeeee someone put me out of my misery or something because that was so depressing.

but the worst part was when class was almost over and i took out my wallet so i could go buy some oreos from the school store once the period ended or something- and i forgot that i have my mcd aaron keychain hooked onto my damn wallet- so i half expected this kid to like notice it and bring it up in front of everyone. which would’ve been kinda embarrassing if i had to explain to everyone in my gym class who mcd aaron was. but alas he didn’t say anything. and it took me a second to realize the reasons he didn’t recognize the damn keychain was because mcd aaron’s design is DRASTICALLY different from cocomau aaron’s design- SO THE LITTLE BOY HAD NO IDEA WHO IT WAS. WHICH WAS SOMEHOW WORSE THAN HIM BRINGING IT UP CAUSE IT MADE ME FEEL EVEN OLDER. GOOD GOD 😭😭😭 IM CRYING LAUGHING WRITING THIS TOO BECAUSE ITS JUST SO FUNNY TO ME AND I DONT REALLY KNOW WHY?? I was just humbled so bad tbh it was very silly.

ANYWAYS YEA THATS MY STORY HOPE YA’LL HAVE FUN WITH THAT LMFAOOO

[angev111696969n]

thoughts on ego? also, separately: vegan vs vegetarian

like. i dont really know what to say except freud was right in the sense that he was speculative about meaning making in a way that feels persuasive and kinda perceives of survival and human purpose outside of like order and rationality and like doesn't put moral valences on it it's just like idk if something like akin to soul can be meaningfully described through psychology terminology or even philosophy because it's like trying to come up with ideas with the mind through the mind like. or like idk it's like mostly intuitive knowledge i think the ego is like potentially more simple than it's described it's like possible ego is just an emotional kind of white noise or smn. idk freud is like decadent he kinda gives myth to psychology in a meaningful way as does jung. but yeah lol. i love that some egos are more focused and some are more disorganised like we literally love to see ego pathologies literally my blog tho literally the way i choose this life is giving there's a parasite in my ego. or like a tumour in my ego or something. ghvbjnk. im vegetarian and i feel great and i think it's helped me become more relaxed in my eating in a way like i don't think about food as much as i used to but i've noticed i'm like less bloated, maybe more conscious of staying hydrated, lost weight, less restless, more perceptive of my own emotions and like how i interact with people and like basically i'm in less pain and i have way less inflammation so i can like expend physical energy in more enjoyable ways. and like idk im not gonna go off about meat fr. but like? i do think veganism is like probably an even more powerful kinda shift in your health so idk i guess because i feel like i was on diets before which made me really angry and i was still anxious and i had to exercise a lot to stay thin and i was more muscular but like i wish i'd done it sooner for my mood and stuff i feel more like myself but i was vegetarian all through high school and for like a year before and during i met my ex who ate meat with every meal basically and so i just like compromised cos he like was so obsessed with it. but idk i kinda gag to think about meat. dairy is kinda like not so sinister to me or eating small fish i could probably do but yeah like the idea of eating animals more intelligent than humans potentially. which is maybe why octopus consuming cultures are kinda smart... fr. like i kinda think we absorb the character and like primitive knowledge of what we eat and that kinda goes a long way to explain a lot of culture, so im like on the one hand in favour of animals being killed for food but also cannot kill them myself if i can prevent it if that makes sense and like yeah my skin kinda crawls. idk i am kinda like doing it for spiritual reasons but also it's kinda helping me develop. kills your libido though and you defs need to take supplements. i guess why vegans are annoying is because like sometimes a lifestyle can be so intoxicating in what it leads you to realising or becoming that it makes you want to spread the message like it's giving order to what was formerly chaos in their minds so the proselytising and activism is like idk. but honestly like it's embarrassing, but defending corporate interests or like the status quo of how we conduct industry or supporting farmers or whatever is also embarrassing so. and im not gonna waste being lactose tolerant in this day and age. and also im vegetarian cos it'a a frame for disordered eating like being fr

[basil-appreciation-comic]

IMPORTANT UPDATE!!

the comic is cancelled. you probably already assumed that since i havent posted anything about it in a while but yeah the things dead now lol. mainly because i dont care much about omori anymore, the comic sucked, and it was too much effort. i feel kinda bad about leaving you guys in the dark for this long tho, so i thought id go ahead and include all the scrapped stuff for the comic that never got finished

while i was writing the comic i started a google doc that laid out ideas i had for future pages. heres that if you wanna know how the story ends

it was written over several months and (most) things are in order of where they go on the timeline not when i wrote them so it might be a little hard to follow

also some art i never posted

(at least i dont think ive posted the last one)

i quoted not liking this comic as one of the reasons i stopped so let me explain that with a list of things id change about this if i were to remake it (which i wont)

remove the swearing that was so stupid

make omori mute (and probably use sign language)

omori does not express fear or stress in-game, thats sunnys job. quit it

he also does not cry and generally shows emotions (even the big ones) in more subtle ways (which i think i was trying to shift towards later in the doc) idk why he was so emotional all the time

literally everything about how i portrayed omori actually that was all just awful

the panic attack scene is fucking embarrassing i have no clue what i was thinking. im so sorry for writing it like that i did 0 research beforehand

make it shorter why did i think that would work out

id probably just make it a fic, comics take way too much outta me compared to just writing things

it does not need a big epic ending and probably shouldve ended not long after they escaped black space

the romance is horrible but thats the foundation of the comic so idek what id do about that

stop making everyone talk like therapists 24/7

and yeah it has a lot of problems but i still do care about this due to the ammount of effort and love ive put into it, i just cant and dont want to continue it

so yeah thats where this story ends ig. i had a lot of fun along the way, and thank you so much for all the support. bigger thanks to that one sunflower discord server (if you came from there you know which one) for being my main motivation and support throughout this journey. sucks this comic never got to see its full potential but im relieved to finally lay it to rest. the blog will stay up for archival purposes but i will not continue the comic any further obviously. the ask box will remain open if you wanna say anything or if you have a question about the story or whatever. thanks for reading.

[razzmothazz]

rambling more abt nightcord and their theme because i just NEED to get it out if my system

i think nightcord is such beautifully constructed with its theme of healing because every character has someone specific helping them out most within the unit

idk how to explain it in general terms but basically

kanade struggles with overworking and not taking proper care of herself, her main help with this comes from mizuki! sure, others help out too but mizuki is the one who points out those self destructive behaviours the most [or at least from ehat i remeber] and this dynamic is so so beautifully shown specifically in carnation recollection

mizuki is the one telling kanade to take a break, but kanade is set on making another song for mafuyu despite being absolutely stuck. i think mizuki is the most clever out of the 4 specifically because of this event, since they knew kanade wont give up on it ever and decided to use a different approach to give her the deserved break and would also help her out in this situation. kanade would never have some time off if it wasnt for mizuki. thats how mizuki cares for her, by "tricking" her into taking one while also getting to spend nice time together and end up reminiscing.

this is such an important story because thanks to mizuki, a part of kanade got to heal.

mafuyu very obviously is mostly helped by kanade, who tries her very best and gives it literally her all to help mafuyu find herself, but she always gives mafuyu space when she needs it as well. i think since this one is most obvious i dont have to dwell on it too much but the love and care kanade has for mafuyu makes me soooo fucking insane like omg. kanade is the whole reason mafuyu even tries. shes the sole reason why mafuyu could get where she is now and didnt give up.

ena is a bit tricky, but surprisingly i think her helper is... mafuyu. i have honestly no clue how to explain what i mean at all, but seeing someone with so much talent and the "perfect" life be completely empty was so important to enas character. mafuyu makes painfully slow progress on her situation yet ena notices it, and she might not fully realize it but its helping ena take things easier with her art as well, which i think is shown very well in hope will someday go beyond the morning. mafuyu makes just a slightly different expression but ena still notices it, paralleled by enas art teacher noticing enas intent and emotion behind her art project. despite so many mistakes in the work on a technical level, it had soul. not to mention mafuyu indirectly helps ena be more understanding of others, which is very obvious when you compare how she was with mafuyu at first vs their current dynamic. mafuyu doesnt even know it but she inspires ena so so much not only in her art but to be better as a person.

and for mizuki, its also very obvious with main help coming from ena. pretty much every mizuki focus [<- exaggeration warning] will have ena trying her best to help mizuki out, and thanks to enas growth she can understand mizuki better and better and know how to deal with their issue. she thinks she needs to know the secret to know mizuki, but she learns that its not actually important, and she wants to show mizuki that as well. she constantly shows mizuki support and care weather they are willing to tell their secret or not, and in her own way wants to reassure mizuki that no matter what she wants to be there for them. ena helps mizuki so much that they even finally consider telling ena their secret, after like a year in canon if not longer!! which is such a huge deal because mizuki was convinced that telling ena someday they will tell what it is was completely a lie. they never had any intention to actually say what it is. but they grew so much and feel so safe around ena that the fact they even CONSIDERED IT implies so much healing, growth and trust. it makes me SOB. i am INSANE about mizuena. ena loves them SO MUCH its just so JSHSHDHYSHEIRUDHXHJSNB

okay im gonna stop here cause the tired is getting to me and i feel like i cant explain myself at all now but you get the point n25 care about eachother so much it makes me cry and punch walls and scream and drop to my knees on the floor in a dramatic way and explode and-

[autismvampyre]

ok so audhd rant/asking for advice

we had a psychologicist come to the class to explain autism and adhd today. the reason why is bc i have faced a lot of discrimination, ableism and bullying from my peers bc of my disorders. my teachers felt we should all learn what the words mean and why they should never be used as insults, and how that can affect someone, which is a nice sentiment.

the person they picked was recommended by my mother, which should've been my first warning sign, bc try as she might my mother does not understand the autistic community. she trusts the professionals which is good bc im not a doctor and they're qualified, i get it; but also i dont fucking trust professionals to understand me because not once did my doctors help me understand when i was diagnosed. i asked to meet her before she came to the school, but my mom insisted she was great so i held back and tried to be hopeful, because even if a lot of my experience with professionals has been negative doesn't mean they're all bad and ignorant

anyways, she was exactly like every other psychologist ever and explained everything in the most basic way ive even seen. she literally sounded like the people who explained my diagnoses to me when i got them at age 11 and those mf's were literally useless. it took me years to actually understand what my disorder meant and i only figured it out by talking to other people with autism and adhd instead of reading shit by professionals and autism moms. the way we are portrayed by psychiatrists is not my experience at all and they often use outdated language and speak in very broad terms and don't bring up any of the things that i find important. i know not everyone with adhd and autism is the same but i genuinely cannot relate to the way they talk about us at all. like, this psychiatrist didn't even mention executive dysfunction and kept talking about how it "isn't an excuse" and fucking everyone agreed.

i feel like almost an anti-vaxxer, claiming i know better than doctors, so i genuinely do try to understand and accept doctors but i just cant fucking stand it. am i wrong for thinking she's wrong? like she has a degree, but she also doesn't seem to understand me and idk if im just a weird outlier even in my neurodivergence or if im right and she doesn't truly understand. like im not a doctor, im just a person who has these disorders but i genuinely feel misrepresented and like all these explanations are for other people to understand that they have to put up with me. i feel infantilised and really fucking bummed. like, i knew she wasn't gonna be perfect bc she isn't actually in the community but the level of generalization and misinformation was so disappointing

i feel fucking crazy. cause who am i to disagree with her when she's the professional, yk?? im no one. they won't listen to me. my classmates can't empathize with me like they do each other, and so many of them think they get it bc they're white teenage boys with adhd that are low support(and im happy for them that they feel good about it!! genuinely! and not saying they aren't valid, but in my experience many of them tend to unknowingly invalidate other people with the disorder who are different than them/have higher support needs) and can't seem to understand that other people have different experiences and struggles with the same disorder. i also live in a very conservative city, and even if the school is more liberal, we are still very high in MUF(the moderate party's youth) and you can tell because everyone i know is either apolitical or conservative, except me and the three leftists. it's a hostile environment, and i feel like im rambling but whatever. i needed to get it off my chest

[motelpearl]

I seriously hate how my (conspiracy theorist) parents are so paranoid that they literally won't let me get a job where they can't monitor me but they don't realize that no job wants to hire 2 people who live together bc if they move or go on a trip then the employer has to replace 2 people instead of just one & I've already gotten blacklisted from applying at my stepmom's job for that reason so I was going to apply to my mom's job but now her workplace might be closing so I can't so she's like "we'll both just get degrees & work as PSWs" & it's like bitch I have no high school degree because you moved me away from my school & then lockdown happened & the GED program shut down before I could get it & how am i gonna get a degree with 1. no high school diploma, 2. no money for tuition (I was literally told ever since i was old enough to understand that I would never be able to go to college because we were poor not to mention I was failing in special ed classes when I dropped out like my brain just doesnt work with school) & 3. HOW WOULD EITHER OF US GET HIRED TO WORK WITH OLD & DISABLED PEOPLE WHEN NEITHER OF US ARE VACCINATED BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE THAT "BILL GATES PUTS MICROCHIPS IN VACCINES" & YOU LITERALLY REFUSE TO WEAR A MASK ANYWHERE & HAVE PHYSICALLY PULLED MASKS OFF OF ME WHEN I TRY TO WEAR THEM GODDDDDD CONSERVATISM IS SUCH A BRAINROTTER & if I had a drivers license & my own car i would be able to get to a job without having it be preapproved by my parents but I have no way of getting one because im not allowed to leave the house or do anything without my parents permission & i cant even say this to anyone because no one believes me because "oh it must be so cool having lesbian parents" meanwhile it's my racist trump supporting bitch stepmom's fault for getting my mom down the far right pipeline but everyone thinks shes such a great person because she says shit like "yes maam" & "no sir" & seems polite at first glance & then when you live with her she pulls out shit like "slavery didnt happen & if it did it was the 'northern Democrats' doing it" like yes slavery did exist, yes in the north AS WELL AS the south & yes it was the democrats who did it BEFORE THE PARTIES SWITCHED PLATFORMS YOU STUNNED CUNT WHY DO I KNOW THIS AND YOU DONT "when you meet black people you'll change your mind" I HAVE MET BLACK PEOPLE AND NONE OF THEM HAVE PISSED ME OFF EVEN A FRACTION AS MUCH AS YOU DO SHUTUPSHUTPSHUTUPPPPP "trudeau is forcing people to be trans as population control" TRUDEAU COULDNT FORCE HIS WAY OUT OF A WET PAPER BAG UGH SHE JUST PISSES ME OFF SO BAD LIKE PLEAAASSSEEEE GET DIVORCED & MY BROTHER LITERALLY HEARD HER SAY THE FIRST & LAST ONES BUT HE DENIES IT & IVE TRIED TO EXPLAIN THIS ALL TO HIM BUT HE JUST SAYS "you're just lazy you just want to leech off of them" LIKE NO IF I COULD GET A JOB & MOVE OUT & BE INDEPENDENT NONE OF YOU WOULD EVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN UGHHHHHH I feel like cinderella like I really dont blame girls in the olden days for wishing a prince would just come sweep them off their feet because if I'm this trapped even with all the modern conveniences & all the information in the world at my fingertips I can't imagine how trapped they must've felt

[askmymylittleponyocs]

Updates!! + New content coming

Hello everyone and if you are new here, Hi hello! Welcome to my MLP Ask blog. For those who've been following me, welcome back and yeah its- been a long time...aha- yeah I got explaining to do.

if you guys haven't been following me outside of the blog on other platforms I am on such as Deviantart, twitter and other places..Well giving you guys some updates on why I have been absent as of late.

First and foremost, I still will forever love MLP and nothing will make me leave the community let alone the fandom entirely. I already came to the terms there will be bad apples in any community no matter what and the best way to combat that- ignore and block if needed. I wont let them control my love for the fandom and community, and neither should anyone else. If I genuially 100% feel disconnected and feel I'll never come back to the fandom then yeah i'll close the chapter and leave. However I aint going nowhere. I still enjoy MLP as a whole especially when I have some few ideas in mind for my ocs even for my own next gen MLP series.

So firstly to get it out of the way, I have been busy with offline personal stuff. last few months have been extremely dreadful, stressful and my depression has hit me like a bullet train where I just don't want to feel or do anything. It was at its worst with loss of friends and many factors. even having to end a relationship due to we both couldn't agree on living situations. which sucks and extremely heartbreaking...

I also am a streamer, vtuber really because vtubing is extremely fun to me. I have taken a break from it since stuff went down back in june/july and came back within in september. I am still strictly giving myself 3 days of streaming until I know im 100% ready to tackle full weeks again. [Until i finally find work and see what the schedule shall be.]. My only job is commission works, just not stable due to I dont get them that much and I don't have anyone joining my memberships to help support my content which I aint complaining, i rather people join if they want to. not because they "have" to. Especially choose to join to get the lil perks and rewards.

So been just rather busy and meant to make a post sooner. Now to the MLP Ask Blog related discussion - I have A LOT of ocs still from MLP on my toyhouse I am still working on and a handful of them you guys might recognized. Alot of them are getting updates, some are getting redesigned. I want to properly flesh them all out within the universe and what fits for my stories. Plus fun lil art answers from anyone who got any questions they wanna ask. WHICH- I am making a POST showcasing all of my ocs that you guys can ask questions with Links to their Toyhouse since that is 100% where all their information is about them and further more. Even AU's too.

Also Will say one of my ocs I am working on more-so with backstory wise is this gal here. Remember these two duo mares, Sweet Delight and Rose?:

Yeah so the story is complicated but so far I do want to make a story about them as a whole since originally in the past - sweet delight had a "second conscious" or "second personality" but I decided what if a Entity of sorts from one Unicorn who delved into dark magic and spells accidently got cursed into a baby unicorn and needed to find a way to get free from this spell? Something like that? Sweet knows Rose as long as she can literally remember, she was abandoned as a young foal for no reasons. Which will leave everyone to wonder how it mayhaps happen. I definitally want to make a series with her and mayhaps certain characters from the shows be involved because I would think the mane 6 would get involved into this mess themselves.

Speaking of the mane 6- I am gonna do a Virus Infection AU myself but there is going to be TWO of them. one being a original idea I quickly thought on calling it either Monarch Virus [monarch butterfly] or just Butterfly Virus. Name in progress. I want something butterfly related. And then one I decided to do base on an item within the canon show - zap apples. So the Zap apple infection. I have not seen anyone do it yet and if there IS someone out there that has, I am taking mine as this is my own interpretation of the zap apple infection while they got their own take in it. Its for fun and I do got some spooky doodles to share eventually.

Now last thing before I skidaddle to work on some stuff, I will be currently at this time updating the MLP Ask Blog page itself with new tags and a detail tag. I've been making my own pages on the "detail tag" page list for those who come across the blog page and want to see all the tags I have thats avalible for you guys to check out and see. Since I can only share a limit amount of tags on the blog itself, this will make it 100% easier to see everything. Tags for my mlp stories , tags for characters you wanna see art and answers from with the questions, etc. :3

If anyone has any questions They like to ask any of my ocs, I can link you guys to my toyhouse with the characters I still have that you guys can check out and pick who you want to ask questions of. Just know that there will be an official pinned post with pictures of the ocs and link to their profiles on its own post thats coming soon. Got any questions to ask me officially just let me know that your question is directed at me , the creator.

Any questions you got for my ocs just let me know who exactly you want to ask questions towards to with their name.

my ocs are located, again in my toyhouse here! Do be warned that their profiles are 100% not ready yet at the time of this post is created. when I make an official pinned post thats when their profiles be up to date entirely. for now this is what I got for them.

Thank you all for taking the time to read if you have and I'll share some mlp works when I do. Hope everyone is having a good week!