#im on the verge of a breakdown and a panic attack

[assumedcryptid]

genuine question: is it normal for me to have such intense negative moods the week before my period (+ its Super Hot) 🧍🏽‍♀️

[ralvezfanatic]

hi guys >_<

um so i've js been in this depressive thing since like.. November and ive been struggling to write and do a lot in general

my mental health has seriously been declining rapidly and i literally had two panic attacks on Monday and Tuesday and idk what to do

im really sorry, its been difficult for me to do anything, ive been so unmotivated and i feel terrible for not being able to finish even one request

im probably just going to take a small break until i feel better. I'll try to write but im saying im on break to put less pressure on myself and not feel as bad for not writing

i know nobody forces me to write or post, but it feels stressful for some reason, so its not helping my mental health

I've had this in my drafts a few days but finally posting because i feel like im on the verge of another breakdown so ya ^_^

[loversarcanas]

have been having a panic attack ai work for 3 days straight and feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown but my wife is in the psych ward my bunny needs intensive care and my family is 1200 miles away so literally i cannot afford to have a breakdown but im so incredibly unwell

[lemonadewinku]

my best friend of over a decade is getting on my nerves

that's such a light way to put it but I have been on the edge, the very verge, of a mental breakdown for just over a year now (a lot happened for me and it's still extremely overwhelming). i texted them in the middle of a panic attack because i didn't know what else to do and they totally shut me down with "just calm down" "you'll always be afraid if you don't face it" and then proceeds to talk about the shit they never shut up about, multiple texts of totally banal crap ive heard 1000x before

like, i don't want to sound like a bitch but ive put so much emotional and mental effort into our friendship and now when im hurting and need, like really just the basics of comfort from a friend, they can't even take me seriously

i told them i was sobbing. i told them i felt paralyzed. and they didn't have any comfort for me.

i haven't talked to them in 2 days and as far as i know, they don't really seem to care rn. im sure that will change but idk what i will do when it does

im not sure my medicine is still working because I have been seriously vibrating like crazy for months now and my thoughts just never take a fucking break

[itsartsavvy]

One of my more annoying quirks is that I hum a random tune when I'm preventing too many strong emotions from causing a panic attack and/or a mental breakdown. It's not even a real tune, it's random notes. It's just something to occupy my brain, in a vaguely happy shape to try and gaslight my brain into thinking im NOT on the verge of losing it and that I am, in fact, so happy that I'm singing a little song. I think it helps, a little. But DAMN are the tunes ugly and annoying to listen to, sorry to the people who know me amd have experienced that

[precambrianhottopic]

i wake up late.

eating is no longer an option- the bus comes in thirteen minutes and it only matters that i look decent to leave the house.

i am not awake. my thoughts are dreamlike, rambling and only muscle memory is getting me out the door.

i can rest on the bus. the bus is designed to be impossible to rest on, because it is made as cheaply as possible. the school is the same.

walking down the halls still, not awake, i pass by someone i know and i dread it- i don't have the energy to make myself smile.

there is nothing else to do but pass between classes, empty. i am trying to fit my whole life into four minute passing periods. i am not an emotional person. ive been on the verge of tears since september. sometimes it gets so bad i tear up staring at the board and my first thought is to snap out of it, i need to focus on the lecture.

my eyes glaze over trying to do math problems. ive already lost 2 points on this homework assignment, i was doing so well and now im spiralling. if i tell my teacher it's too hard, he's going to accuse me of lying. im only doing this to get out of working, right?

sign in and sign out of every bathroom. we have to know where you are at all times. we have to stop you from having even one moment to yourself, because that's when teenagers start causing problems. i'll get home tonight at 5 and stare catatonic at a computer screen.

i am growing up in dying world. there is nothing i can do about it. ive accepted ill never have a house, ive accepted ill never not be poor, ive accepted im not living past 30. the only thing i have energy to worry about is my test on friday. i feel horrible for not being able to care about the world falling apart around me. there's nothing i can do about it.

every experience i have is tainted- i have to go back to school tomorrow, i can't have fun tonight. im trying to barely scrape the resources i need to survive out of an empty barrel. there will never be any time to sit, there will never be any time to truly rest, there is always something else i could be doing. i see my friends and all we talk about is school.

none of my teachers accept late work. deadlines are enforced by computers, work cannot be turned in after the due date, no late credit, no excuses. this is easier for them. i am left with a constant voice in the back of my head screaming that im forgetting something.

i tell my mother i hate school. she is a teacher, she says i cant possibly be serious, im just being silly, my grades are so good. on paper i am excelling. i stare up at the ceiling and wonder how i can keep going. once the seasons start changing my mind starts to break. this is normal. this is what happens every year. i never stop to consider that leaving home before the sun rises and coming home after it sets is hurting me.

i think it's been months since i was actually awake.

during the summer, i am not paranoid. i am not regularly having panic attacks. i am not suicidal. i am not taking painkillers almost every day because i can't rest enough for my body to stop the pain on its own.

i can't keep living on the verge of a breakdown. i can't do it all in the gaps between classes. my health teacher asks us to list stressors. she tells us we can't put school down, it's too universal.

everyone is going through this. this is all normal. the system is working as intended.

my chest is tight and the period ends in six minutes.

i can articulate this better at a later date when im not falling asleep on a bus but high school is genuinely unbelievably cruel. no one should be made to go through this

[murdererofthumbs]

Listen, although I do find it pretty exciting to see Kendall entering his Evil Era and actually becoming a killer, I can’t stop thinking about the consequences of him leaking all the shitty mud information they have on Logan. Like yeah, PR-wise that might be a great idea, it might actually solidify his position as a CEO (and he is obviously going to try and fuck up Matsson deal and take over the Waystar - I don’t know why he would want to captain the fucking sinking Titanic, but okay). But on the other hand, all the dirt coming out about Logan will be potentially catastrophic for Roman. Apart from the fact that Kendall is very clearly betraying his brother, literally like 5 seconds after he preached about them being a team; Roman will very likely suffer the most if stuff about Logan being an abusive father comes out.

First, it will flip his whole viewpoint upside down - he is so deep in denial and so trauma-bonded to Logan that he doesn’t even acknowledge his abuse, not even when in happens in real time. He doesn’t want to see his father as a monster and as his abuser, because that would actually require him to accept that he was a victim, that he was this beaten dog that everyone already sees him as (to one degree or another). Not to mention all the lies he tells himself about Logan and him being a good dad will go straight down the drain, and can you imagine what happens when something you believed for 40-or-so years cracks down in front of you? Kendall is about to break his reality.

Another aspect is that exposing Roman’s abuse to the whole world will likely destroy any and all opportunities that Roman ever had when it comes to rising to power (even if I’m unsure how much he actually cares about becoming a CEO). He might get some sympathy points, although I very much doubt that he will ever accept that form of pity from anyone. His image will be forever tainted and solidified as “the abused one” or the “one that was hit by his dad”. Can you imagine Roman’s reaction when that whole shitshow leaks? He does say at some point in the preview that he is finished, and although it might allude to Gerri putting out the whole dick pic situation, it might also very well be that his public image will forever now revolve around how his dad hit and abused him (his dad who was essentially his god in more than one way, who he was, and is trauma bonded to, who he came back to time and time again).

Kendall has a tendency of using his siblings trauma to forward his own position (even when he wanted to one up Logan in episode 2 by bringing up Roman’s and Connor’s trauma) and this is no different. But it’s a very easy way for him to blow up whatever alliance was ever between sibs. So yeah, I think Kendall as a killer is a great thing to watch, but also… well, Roman girl in me is already screaming in the void from the possible pain we might come to watch unravel in real time.

[lockhcrts-a]

❤

[mingot-studios]

me after seeing a potential spoiler for the new chapter

[rubiesintherough]

.

[polemicas]

I am so stressed all the goddamn fucking time

[dixbolik-lovers]

for the homunculus au, can i req the mukami +kanato being comforted by their owner bc they had a panic attack after having a nightmare of owner throwing them away or smth? sry if i sent the req wrong lmao im new to the blog xd

Nah, you're good! :D Welcome to the blog~

. . .

Ruki

His panic attacks are subtle, usually because he doesn't want them noticed. Ruki dreads being seen in any kind of weakened state, and when his mind has convinced him you're on the verge of throwing him away, he's definitely weakened. No matter how his body is programmed to want his master's favor, he rationally knows that having breakdowns and acting needy won't do any good to actually have that. He'll try to resist the comfort and get you to go back to bed, but when your hand winds up rubbing circles on the nape of his neck, it's hard to make you stop...

Kou

As they often do, this nightmare involved you cutting him up until his body could produce nothing more of value. When he snaps awake, for a few moments, he can still feel every cut. Kou cowers away from you when you try to comfort him... until he remembers that denying you the precious parts of himself will really end in him being disposed of. Any kind of touch will make him panic worse when he's in this state, so all you can do is sit beside him and try to talk him down from his panic. Even when he's calm, Kou will be acting off for a good few days following the incident.

Yuuma

While he's usually the type to shrug off anything that distresses him, this particular dream has Yuuma more unsettled than usual. He doesn't try to hide it. You can surely tell he's shaken up, and anyway, the offered comfort is a lot nicer than suffering by himself. Yuuma doesn't exactly trust that your reassuring words are true, but it's still easier to tell himself they are and pretend like everything will be okay, for him and his brothers. You're the nicest human he's ever met (not that his standards are high), so maybe it won't hurt to have some faith in a good thing, for once.

Azusa

When he wakes up terrified and confused, Azusa's reaction is oddly contained. He can't make his head work well enough to fully panic, so all that happens is tears that won't stop. He's highly receptive to your attempts to comfort him— he'll cuddle up to you without hesitation, and doesn't try to hide that he's scared. However, this willing attitude also comes with plenty of disturbing requests for you to hurt him and make use of his blood. If he's useful to you, you won't throw him away, right? It's hard to fully convince him that you don't intend to get rid of him at all.

Kanato

At the level of distress the nightmare left him in, Kanato won't (or maybe can't) hold back from making it very clear how upset he is. He'll cling to you and scream and sob like he's dying, all while incoherently begging you to keep him. He doesn't want to die or be given to someone who won't love him like you do, so you have to keep him forever. The desperation is ugly and intense, and there's a good chance he'll give himself a few tears in the midst of it, whether accidentally, or on purpose so you'll be forced to repair him. All Kanato cares about is staying with you and being loved.

[raeathnos]

.

[just-a-creep-babe]

gonna sound cliche for these two to be asked but i dont hope for anything romantic between them, im just curious on what you will say:

Toby and Clockwork

✨ Besties ✨

Clockwork definitely has big sister energy around Toby. She can’t stand people bullying him, so she’s extremely protective of him. AND she loves going on adventures with him—he always adds so much fun & positivity to her life ^^

Toby is super appreciative of her too. She always manages to anchor him when he’s having a panic attack or when he’s on the verge of mania. He feels bad for sometimes snapping at her when he’s overwhelmed or having a breakdown, and at times, he feels like a burden—like he doesn’t deserve everything she does for him. But she always reassures him & they’re good at working things out together <3

Honestly? They’re an inseparable pair ^^

Send in 2 characters & I’ll give my interpretation of how they feel about one another!!

[aajjks]

(How they work)

Antidepressants work by boosting the activity of particular brain chemicals, or making the activity last longer. This includes noradrenaline and serotonin, which are thought to be involved in regulating your mood.

Noradrenaline and serotonin are neurotransmitters. This means that they are chemicals which pass messages between nerve cells in your brain, and between nerves and other organs in the rest of your body.

By causing a change to your brain chemistry, antidepressants may lift your mood. But antidepressants don't work for everyone. And there is no scientific evidence that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance which is corrected by antidepressants.

As someone who's been eating them from age 9 I can say they help me with my panic syndrome. I get violent panic attacks where I literally forget how you breathe and I'm just in so much pain I vomit. Someone has to force eye contact with me and show me how to breathe. They increased my dose and they are not as frequent anymore. My depression is.. it keeps it at a level I've gotten used to. It is recommended to go to therapy to help with the actual cause of why you're feeling like that. I'm not getting that therapy.. cause they won't help me, BUT, I think it would help to talk.

So they should help, sometimes they don't though, I've had to switch cause they just stopped working. Now that I think of it I think it's cause my depression just got worse by the years honestly.

Why..? Are you feeling depressed?🙁

I just….

I haven’t felt genuinely happy or at peace in a long time…. I struggle with severe anxiety issues n these days I get depressed a lot, nothing excites me…. I don’t want to smile, I can’t eat properly + the whole mess that happened in these few months have crippled my mental health n happiness. I feel so angry…. N I just feel like I have been wronged…. I have this frustration n this sense of severe sadness.

I feel truly broken. Im like at the verge of a breakdown.

Im sorry.

[cloudyyoungjaes]

capstone as of 4/8

hi.

this is Dolls.mp3 (working title)

:)

(CWs: extremely depressing imagery, will update if need be)

(Chapter titles are just helping me with where things are and help me jump around)

  On Writing and Humanity: When Vim and Vigor existed in my heart

It was only a week of the semester and Thana wanted to puke. Community college was a lot different and a lot more fast paced; she was five seconds away from passing out. It was only the first week of classes; it wasn’t supposed to be this tiring.

Oh, and in the corner of her room there was Sento: the demon that kept following her since she left College of Dupage. He’s been there just hanging about; he’s invisible to other people. Sometimes he turned into a cat, sometimes he’s a human that reminded her of a certain Kamen Rider. Black smoke unless he’s a human, then he looks like that Kamen Rider. He kept her up on some nights, other times he forced her to sleep…but he’s always there.

Always. Like a friend.

Unlike the visible friends she tried to keep.

 Books, more books, even more books piled on to her. All she wanted was to write stories. She liked writing; writing was fun. Writing was one of her only outlets whenever she was in pain wanted to scream wanted to jump off a building wanted her emotions out. While it didn’t feel good, at least the weight came off her chest. At first.

Then it turned into sleepless nights, panic attacks, arguments with her parents, pain from her roleplaying group—it just. Made her stumble, not enough for her to miss deadlines but enough to where she cut it close. Where she stayed up for two days straight.

But why do you write?

“I write because I like writing” she once answered in her creative writing class,

“I like writing because it’s the only thing I can do”

Except there were the constant slumps and internal screaming. Wasn’t the point of trying to force yourself to write the point of trying to get out of the slumps? She did write, roleplaying did count in her eyes…

…It has been a while since she wrote something that was more than a post, she mused while being bundled up in her blankets, full on drabbles pain her to write, But she didn’t have a job, right? She had plenty of time to write! If the pandemic didn’t sap her energy then maybe she would. She would.

And then the next class, she had her first ever breakdown and proceeded to inflict pain onto her characters; project that pain of despair and helplessness onto them just begging for someone to help them (sorry Ahn).

    On Literature and Archives: I was On the Edge of Staying and Falling

Thana fucking hated her literature classes. They just sucked! For her at least. There were things she wanted to say but 1) she was still very shy and 2) she may or may not have read the material. American literature was a pain, the text was extremely hard to read (but her professors were kind). Poetry was…anxiety inducing was the only feeling she could describe. Women’s literature was scary, but her professor made it sound scary but at least she learned a lot of neat things about archival work. Things are only lost to time if we didn’t dig. What is lost pieces if not things that have yet to be discovered? At least, that was what her Women’s Literature professor was trying to teach her anyhow.

   On Loneliness and Secrets: And I withdraw from the World

 “Writing by yourself without anyone to talk to…That’s a lonely way to live.” The words haunted her as she left her Seminar class, on the verge of a breakdown. Nothing was going right, nothing was going well; dizzy and dizzy and dizzy. Pippin wasn’t there, Snowly was busy, everyone was busy the walls felt closed in. She was drowning and crying, reaching out to the few friends she kept in touch with to no answer--

Sento wasn’t there anymore. Her parents kept asking her if she was okay, (NO. SHE WASN’T OKAY) she hasn’t called they’re worried. So she lied and lied, she lied about being okay; her hands shake as she hastily typed out ‘im okay mom’ and then in the next minute remembering that someone took her shift. Okay! She can. Sleep. Kind of. There was no one around.

It’s funny. The dramas she had to read dealt with secrets and loneliness, except they’re between the lines and her secrets are obvious if you look hard enough. Curled up, under her blankets, she felt something in her crack and shatter. Or maybe it was Nine Muses’s ‘Dolls’ playing in the background.