#im too weird and mentally ill for the weird and mentally ill site

[coridallasmultipass]

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[preciousmomentsfigurine]

hey, is anyone still here? looks like the last time i was on here was two years ago and change. things are really different now, but i guess then again it would be weird if they were the same

i was thinking of returning to this dead site because for a good fifteen years it was a big part of my life and provided me with a unique way to express my thoughts and ideas and feelings and opinions and musings to an audience of people who can hear me but not truly know me outside of my words that i share on this platform. and on the same coin i enjoy following the lives of people i know nothing about and watching their stories and selves develop and evolve from a complete distance in every sense

i'm five months sober now

i have a hard time pinpointing when exactly i became an alcoholic, but i guess i could say i dealt with it in some degree for about eight years, and progressively, as it always goes

i graduated with my masters last may (2023) in critical media studies where i spent my time writing and researching feminist cultural social and media theory. i produced a great deal of work i was and am very proud of including a thesis that is honestly my life and heart's work but unfortunately over the course of those two years my drinking escalated rapidly and by the end i was manically and drunkenly banging out papers and essays in the dead of night sleepless and naively inspired

somehow i got a 4.0 though despite that. everyone in my life always says i played off my drinking well anyway. beats me how or why

once i graduated i practically immediately began drinking all day every day while somewhat-hardly-kind-of-not-really looking for work which was fruitless and i quickly learned my degree i worked so hard for meant practically nothing to employers who were merely looking for experience i dont have outside of my teaching background in grad school

for almost exactly a year i was drunk 100% of the time i was awake

same old story, at some point i switched to bottom shelf pints of vodka, which constituted my breakfast lunch and dinner. sat on my couch in my filthy apartment occupying my filthy poisoned failing body either watching tv or causing problems somehow

this was when i was twenty-nine. for a while now i had known in my heart of hearts i wasnt someone who would ever be able to handle my liquor or drink like a normal person, whatever that means, and that too much was never enough, and that it was literally impossible to function so long as booze was a part of my life. any attempts to "cut back" or "take breaks", i knew, would end the same way, which was waking up to shots of room temperature vodka and being a prisoner to the worst shame a person can feel

i figured once i turned thirty, which was this march, that would probably be about the time i got sick of my own shit and said goodbye to the bottle. which i undeniably felt a kind of affection toward as if it were a lover. still do in a sense and thats why ill never flirt with it again

my sobriety date is april 16th 2024. my last drink was a shot of vodka at 8:30 am on the 15th after creating massive gashes in my upper arm the previous evening during a blackout fight with my boyfriend

im still unemployed and extremely mentally ill and my bipolar has gotten progressively worse over the past couple of years and will likely continue to according to what the science says and all of that. after my last manic episode last month i adjusted my meds (again) and for now they seem to be working but i don't hold my breath really

i do AA and i like it a lot, i do it my own way, i have a sponsor who approaches the program liberally and progressively and shares many of my comorbidities and has allowed me the freedom to define my relationship to the program and god in a way that works for me and i have made incredible strides through this. i have become a far far far better person.

being sober is easy and i never want to drink. not once not ever

ive never worked so hard on myself in my life because i got as close to death as i ever had and ive been very close at many points in my life for many years. when i was drinking i knew i wouldnt make it to see 35 if i continued as i was

therapy, AA, meds, a whole fucking lot of discipline

ive been with my boyfriend for two years and wed like to get married. thats nothing that will happen anytime soon but it is nice to think about. he has been by my side through unimaginable things that any sane person would not have stuck around for. he is my heart and my soul

im also trying to start applying for jobs again but im genuinely on the fence if i am capable of holding a full time job due to my severe mental illness. im exploring a bunch of options right now as far as that whole thing goes. the future is very uncertain as always

let me know if you see this or remember me or anything.

bye for now

[yveltalreal]

The Mapler

hiiiii i'm maple! i use he/she/they pronouns and my gender is

im a student at naranjauva academy in paldea, studying to become a professor focusing on the relationship and history between people and pokemon as well as how it has changed us and pokemon over time! or for short i just like studying people and pokemon!! on the side im super interested in art, cyclizar racing, and caring way too much about fictional characters on the internet

while im currently living in paldea, my home region is actually vulgrado (if youve never heard of its its cause its apparantly rare in the grand scheme of the universe. frowns) but im also alolan and japanese on my moms side.

here is my trainer card!!

bibi (short for bubblegum bitch cause they didnt let me name her that equally) tried to fight the camera man so she doesnt have a photo.

i have two other pokemon, a vulgradian absol named tami who is my service pokemon and my rotom named .zip who occasionally posts on the blog. they're both registered as support pokemon though, so they rarely battle and arent on my trainer card.

i am. mentally ill and both physically and mentally disabled for several reasons so pleassseee keep this in mind when talking to me! sometimes i react to things weirdly i do not mean to i merely cannot help it because my brain developed weirdly!! also i will occassionally drop lore about myself some people deem concerning. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT :D

OOC

Tags / Arcs

Summary Of Blog

Maple is a student at NaraUva in Paldea, with a weird past and an even weirder present. A strange "Other Maple" occasionally makes posts Maple herself cannot see, she has a complicated relationship with an odd and concerning family, and she regularly gets into strange situations and bounces out basically unharmed. Something is deeply wrong with her.

All Mails (Pelipper, Musharna, etc) are off. Variants such as unmail are also off. Magic Anons are off No NSFW. Maple is a minor.

Redux is a closed universe occupied by only a few blogs. It is also, within it's lore, a very hard to reach universe, with only a few examples of things being able to get in or out. The group on Rotumblr are some of the very few within their universe with access to this multiversal version of the site. This is to prevent plot beats from conflicting with other canons and blogs, and to minimize events of people trying to insert theirselves into into our events. That being said, interacting purely online with arcs and events, trying to guide characters and give advice is completely allowed and encouraged! This story is interactive, as is the nature of rp, and certain events may be changed or improved upon by your participation

Any blog can interact in theory. I'm not necessarily against anything specific but there's no guarantee I reply to everything or want to interact with certain blogs specifically. Sometimes it comes down to vibes, or I just do not know how my characters would respond to your blog, or I just know they would not respond to it. It depends.

My characters WILL get into arguments about how their world works. Maple has a special interest in pokemon and their history with people so please assume that usually if she gives a fact about a pokemon or her world that its PROBABLY correct unless stated otherwise ooc or by another redux character!! If you come into an interaction genuinely intending to change her mind you simply will not because there's a good chance that in the interaction your character is just wrong about Maple's world.

Mun is an adult while muse is not.

[joculatrixster]

"ill admit i dont watch sos nor raft streams but im calling out ppl who r calling scott specifically abusive and ive literally never seen anyone as vilinized as scott in fics i can think off the top of my head 3 fics ive seen where scott is the vilian and portrayed as jimmys abuser which is NOT true for anyone u mentioned." You can't say Scott is the only one villainized in the same breath as admitting you haven't seen content where other CCs get villainized by the audience.

Many of the *exact same people* who criticize Scott have also come out with posts talking about how uncomfortable Sausage makes them, some of them specifically citing his behavior toward Jimmy in SOS. Of course, I can't say that's true for everyone in fandom who criticizes Scott, but in my experience people critical of Scott are critical of others, too, regardless of their sexuality. Saying the criticism is fueled by homophobia doesn't track when the people criticizing Scott are also criticizing straight CCs/characters for very similar things.

Everyone has a different fandom experience based on what circles/fan archives/discussion boards they're on, and even on the same site people can have different experiences because of stuff like algorithms and who you're following. IIRC I have seen a fic where Grian, Jimmy, Joel and Lizzie were all siblings and Lizzie called out Grian and Joel for not being good brothers to Jimmy, while the only fic I've seen with Scott being "villainized" was a short ficlet where he did something small out of jealousy that didn't have any long term effects. I have actually gone *looking* for toxic FH fanfic and not found any. (I like complicated messy relationship story lines, so I feel like toxic FH in fic form would be fun to read.) Obviously this has not been your experience, but you seem to be treating your fandom experience as if it's the same for everyone else, which it's not.

its nnot just my experience when multiple multiple ppl have spoken out about how prominent it is specifically for scott again if its just a small issue id understand but the normalization is insane, ive seen a fic where scott turns jimmy into his pet doll and he needs to be saved from his clutches. ive read a gic where scott kills pearl and wants to destroy the entire world and has jimmy as his pet who he promised to keep as long as he stayed uner his thumb. ive read a fic where scott just leaves jimmy at the alter and pearl hunts him down and lashes out violently at him and we r meant to side w pearl for attacking him bc he didnt feel bad for poor jimmy. these were not obscure fics or small fics. u seem to assume an issue others r clearly pointing out theyve seen way more than others is only something some fridnge guy is complaining about instead of perhaps something UVE missed hm? uve seen 1 fic where joel and grian r kinda shitty to jimmy and get called out ive read multiple fics where scott breaks down jimmy as a person and needs to be saved from him, ive seen multiple posts calling irl scott smajor am abuser bc of one clip, ive seen pll say jimmy deadass is uncomfortable w FH and doesnt like scott which is just weird ass behavior. yes sausage gets flack i belive this but i haven't seen a shit ton of fics making sausage break jimmy soan mentally then get killed or punished in the end for being an irredeemable abuser. ive seen multiple of that for scott or just seeing scott in general in a veryyy negative light which is clearly due to an unfavorable interpretation of his character. which is fine, but name three fics where grian is intpreted that unfavorably w over 100 kueos. no seriously show me the fics where grian dies in the 3nd and its a thing everyone is happy about in the ficand they do not mourn him at all bc they hated him. go on!

its funny how ur orignal anon nitpicked my post and ur reply again nitpicks one part of a wider post as if the point i said was even what ur replyin to, im talking fandom space but even if i wasnt im talking life series fandom while i do mention oli thats just to ponnt out that One scott clip is not Just a scott thing, girl. vilinized in life series aka what i tagged, dont be stupid here its literally just making u look stupid 😭i used grian as an example bc hes someone who acts similar in the space i was criticizing and not sausage bc i am aware things may be different in a DIFFERENT context. ur majorlyyyy derialing and not rlly proving me wrong ur just proving that u dont rlly get what im saying which is fine but also all ur points r just...not disproving anything l. ur example is 1 grian and joel being criticized in one(1) fic(which is not what vilianized even means dude but hey ill give u this u did find one somewhat grian neg fic!) and 2 a guy not even in the fandom i tagged. girl...

[ae-nar]

ooooh a get to know me thingy from precious @request-remand ? sign me in!

this one is kinda long so ill just put it under the thingy

1) are you named after someone? nope, not really, but then i changed my legal russian name and by coincidence(!) its the same name as my uncles. and then i also have this name, my english (as i call it) name which, if googled, will tell you either about aenar targaryen or a species from startrek. i didnt name myself for either of them, i just liked the name

2) when is the last time you cried? oh uhh actually cried? long time. closest was i think when i was reading @margoblack 's other cold dishes around four days ago. other than that im a bit in strange depressive state when u can feel the tears in ur eyes a lot but they just dont come, idk

3) do you like your handwriting? i do actually! yknow what? here, see for urself! this is a screenshot for my omegaverse idea notes (and let me tell u, deciding on the smells was difficult)

4) what is your favourite lunch meat? uhh ymean u dont eat whatever thing u happen to have in the fridge or buy in the store?.. i dont have a preferance for meat, i think mostly cause i dont cook meat (the texture of raw meat is heathen, i have sensory nightmare just looking at it)

5) do you have kids? thank god no. both for my mental health and those theoretical kids' too

6) if you were another person, would you be friends with you? oh no. i still cant understand how someone like me can have my friends, yall r too good for me

7) do you use sarcasm? yes! but im also autistic so i dont always understand that a person has used sarcasm back on me

8) do you still have your tonsils? unless aliens stole em, i should yeah. ...well knowing me i also couldve simply lost em

9) would you bungee jump? id love to!!

10) what is your favourite kind of cereal? uhhhh in russia we call em pillows? its not a brand, just a kind, they r like little pillow shaped thingies filled with different stuffing? my favs r chocolate

11) do you untie your shoes when you take them off? depends on whether the shoes allow it but in general? no, im lazy

12) do you think you're a strong person? oh no. neither mentally not physically. im a weak baby

13) what is your favourite ice cream flavour? mint chocolate. or simply chocolate. or sth with berries

14) what is the first thing you notice about people? how close their vibes r to mine. i need to know whether i can use memes and tiktok sounds in our convos or would u look at me like im a weirdo if i do

15) red or pink? pink

16) what do you least like about yourself physically? oh wow, uhh... what do i even like about myself in general? but back to the original question... prolly my weight

17) what colour pants and shoes are you wearing now? im home so no shoes. gray sweatpants and black (with white strips) socks

18) what was the last thing you ate? just finished a bagle with some kind of meat, cucumbers and berry sauce?? it was very weird, i dont think im a bagle girly [gn]

19) what are you listening to right now? ...a youtube minecraft video. i generally have some kind of video (rarer music) playing whenever im at home cause i have debilitating anxiety and background noise helps a lot. even when im writing. yes, if u just imagined aenar writing their fics on their laptop with a splitscreen situation where the left side is a minecraft vid and the right is the doc with some explicit shenanigans... u r completely right. thats exactly how my process of writing looks from the side.

20) if you were a crayon, what colour would you be? did i open the crayola site to check the names? yes i did. so ig id be either sth like granny smith apple or orchid. sth greeny-blueish or lavender, defo pastel

21) favourite smell? i have problems with smells so this makes it difficult, but id say rain

22) who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? ugh, my mother. i have a bit of an auditory processing disorder situation, it kicks in pretty rarely but still exists, which is why i dont like phone calls and try to avoid em. which is ironic cause part of my job is answering calls in a call center.

23) favourite sport to watch? im really not a sport person, but seeing how my minecraft vid switched to a genshin vid... cybersports? not really i just have a bunch of creators/letsplayers i like so

24) hair colour? natural - brown. however ive been dying it blond for four years now and then doing unnatural hair colors! which i cant do anymore cause of my job, but my favs were complete green and a little half and half situation with mint and lavender. that was a good one.

25) eye colour? brown

26) do you wear contacts? nope somehow i have good eyesight

27) favourite food to eat? uuuh. its nearing summer so ive started wasting money on strawberries? not the most favourite, but i do like it

28) scary movies or comedy? comedy. 100%. im a scaredy cat, i cant handle horrors

29) last movie you watched? ...pirates of the carribean 3. if u see some kind of comparison to a pirate in the fic im writing right now? u dont.

30) what colour shirt are you wearing? white with a colorful print

31) summer or winter? winter. i start melting at around 20-23 degrees celcius, and then i also have phobia of almost every insect on this damn planet. like im deathly terrified of butterflies too. bees. wasps. and they r everywhere.

32) hugs or kisses? hugs, someone hug me, im so touch starved its not a joke

33) what book are you currently reading? sadly i stopped reading books a long time ago :c

34) who do you miss right now? less depressed me? tho can u miss someone who never existed?

35) what is on your mouse pad? i dont have one...

36) what is the last tv program you watched? uhhhh i rarely watch anything other than youtube videos but sometimes i watch this russian show called improvizatory/импровизаторы (improvisators). pretty self-explainable, a comedy show based on the improvisation genre

37) what is the best sound? oh. uuuh. rain on the window?

38) rolling stones or the beatles? never listened to either (i obvi heard but never specifically put them on myself)

39) what is the farthest you have ever travelled? apparently arounf 1.5k km. considering that im from russia thats like almost nothing, tbh

40) do you have a special talent? id call it aenar touch (like midas touch) - make any fic angsty

41) where were you born? moscow region, but the town itself wasnt that big, was on the smaller side actually

no pressure tags: im not sure where this game has already been and who wants to do this so @margoblack @disarminglybright

[vonclosen]

7, 10, 12, and 28 for the courier asks?

ahhh thank you for asking ira!! 💖 this was actually really helpful for fleshing him out more!

7: favorite companions? least favorite companions?

im going to absolutely whiff this one bc i haven't gotten everyone yet and have mostly traveled alone when playing the game 😭 so its all subject to change

he's not really the sort of person to *hate* many people. he probably says he likes all of his companions equally, even if that's not fully accurate.

chip sort of picks up boone by accident, but he appreciates the hired muscle because he's quite rattled after the goodsprings incident. they mutually don't talk much about their pasts and have a very weird, sad, unspoken homoerotic cowboy tension going.

i think he really enjoys raul's company, and likely, he reminds him a bit of his family-- though chip can't remember much in detail about his past. he's probably his favorite, though less for entirely practical reasons and more because he's just really nice to have around.

he'd like lily, too, for the same reasons--she's comforting to have around and finds her situation really relatable (traumatic brain injury 🤝 nightkin mental illness)

his absolute favorites, though, are ED-E and rex, since they don't judge him for much and are pretty lovable.

10: where were they born/raised? when/why did they leave?

chip is from battle mountain, nevada:

and grew up with his mother, aunties, uncles, and grandmother on (former) res lands. they were mostly farmers/ranchers. his father was a caravaneer and visited when he could, though he disappeared sometime in chip's teenage years. not long after, chip decided to leave home to look for his father. in the process, he joined the mojave express to make some money for his travels. he's continued to look for him over the years, though he's been having a difficult time. more on that in a different question, i'm sure ;)

12: how did the bullet affect them?

chip DEFINITELY has a TBI and some personality changes and frequent mood-swings. he also has amnesia to the degree that he can't remember his own name (but he could remember the platinum chip, hence, "chip.") he's usually quite friendly and easy-going with a weirdo sort of charm; though he sometimes has depressive episodes, gets anxious or paranoid, gets overly angry at small things, and has trouble with attention and processing information. he's not very good with hacking computers anymore, for example.

another big change is his becoming very attached to a crow he's named bernard. they met in goodsprings, after bernard came up to his grave site and started pecking his fingers and following him around. he usually sits on his shoulder, hat, or sometimes lets chip hold him in his coat. chip "talks" to bernard often to cope with his stress.

28: how do they feel about killing people? do they try to avoid it?

before being shot, i think he would have objected pretty strongly to killing people and likely only carried a hand-gun on him for emergencies with wildlife.

afterwards, though, his stance is much changed. he can be a bit trigger-happy, though with his (unknowing) charisma, he's generally pretty good at talking himself out of trouble.

[the-chaotic-snek]

Yknow im at the point where it feels like overall things arent so bad. Ive never really spoken about my mental health on this site (in a serious way i mean) and well this message isnt serious but i just to share somethings. A lot of the time, a good portion of my life actually, Ive felt like there has been something missing within me, just something different and something that i had to be ashamed of. And most of this came from my intense anxiety and depressive episodes that i used to go through. But now things feel different.. Im better somehow? But i dont really know what I DID to feel better. I digress, my point is that, sometimes things change, and it sucks when it does but ive gotten used to change and i dont fear it.

Change makes me,, me. Over the years that ive been here ive learned things. And Ive come to the realization that feeling content, or satisfied for a lot of people seems weird, at least for me it is.

But no matter how weird, i still feel that way. And Ill take any wins i get. So just hang on, You dont have to act on anything if you're too tired/mentally drained to care you dont even have to think about it. just hang on. At least a bit, for an hour, a day, a week.

[sextions]

gonna fucking kill someone today. had to look around for security cameras in this room before writing this cuz im in a fucking prison for young people and every day our rights get stripped further and further and they expect us to function normally after being spat out after graduation. i'm not going to college. my mom is gonna yell at me for that but i'm fucking not i don't care what she thinks. the stupid fucking vending machine next to me has a goddamn 'calories count check then choose' label on it. what fucking performative stupid goddamn bullshit that dumbass label is the thing that tipped me over the edge into making this stupid post. maybe don't sell death sugary slop to people and they won't have this goddamn issue of everyone being too fat and mentally ill to make it into the meat grinder that is the military. i know food choice has little to do with how your body fat works shut up about it already i was gonna go to college for nutrition i know how that shit works. but if i went they'd likely still be in the "being obese is YOUR fault" phase of food and health knowledge and i just i cannot bear paying thousands and thousands of dollars to get some info that is objectively false according to recent studies. god. i'm so sick of this shit once i graduate i'm literally never going into another institiution again literally they cannot make me this is such bullshit. has anyone else read john taylor gatto? changed my life. this stupid asshole next to me can't handle the word 'moist' and makes a huge show of how much she hates it every time it's uttered and it's like god i wish i was that sheltered. i wish the biggest problem in my head was how much i hated the word moist. what a stupid thing to attract attention to yourself for. shut up. everyone just shut up. the music in my headphones shut up. dumb fucking assholes shut up. all the freshman who are lower than the sea life stuck to the bottom of a cruise ship shut the FUCK up. you're not funny for saying nkgger you don't even hate black people that much you're just ignorant and want attention. your material is derivative and unoriginal and you cannot find genuine vulnerability and appreciation for beauty because you're too busy being poisoned by your peers into thinking everything is stupid and one day one of you is gonna kill themselves and everyone else will joke about it because what else do you know to do. it's sad really the way we are raising these men. panera lemonade killed a girl. caffeine users will really find meth and adderall users disgusting failures because they "use drugs" unlike the fucking. caffeine users who also use drugs but oooo its so normalized you know what else is normalized? driving 80 miles a goddamn hour down the interstate. that's so scary what the fuck. why does nobody care how fast we are going. why is everyone going so fast going 90 95 down the interstate the world needs to fucking slow down and i'm so serious. we need to wake up slower and get to school slower and my classes went from an hour or so to 40 minutes and the teachers barely even skim over anything anymore and tiktok is still this fucking cancer on society that makes people think mass surveillance for "weird" "clickable" behavior is normal and im tearing my hair out every day because people are AMAZED i don't have the no attention span give me all your data and buy products off of our app app. god. tik tok made me buy it is the most pre-packaged artificial stupid fucking slogan ever it always ruins my mood seeing that stupid fucking section at walmart. like are you kidding me. companies are so bad at trying to seem human anymore. you have to astroturf everything because if the people do it themselves they might THINK or ACHIEVE SOMETHING for once. i don't even think i used astroturfing right. it's got the same vibe of taking something from the people (self-advertisement to a different site or product) and hijacking it and making your own fucking store so people can give the money to you instead. its so crazy and nobody talks about how tiktok has a STORE. like it's normal.

everything makes me want to scream. i will never truly fully get a break from this. everyone is getting angrier and angrier but i dunno if we're at a breaking point yet. i might not live to see the revolution which bums me out but i try to keep optimistic about that. i saw that republican debate today and got such strong second hand embarrassment. that shit is no better than jersey shore at this point. and these are the people we're supposed to aim to be like? people who are qualified to be presidents? people who are so reactionary and childish that they throw insults at one another in a politics debate like a bunch of middle schoolers parroting what their parents say at each other? are you fucking kidding? john gatto was right the rich are so fucking good at extending adolescence into adulthood. look at these people over thirty engaging in high school behavior to appease the other high school masses who'll tweet and click and talk about it (like high schoolers) and then the debate cuts to an ad break because money money money money money money. they probably already have the president decided and this is all one big billboard or something. i dunno. drugs are seen as a moral failure but like what else is there to do in this goddamn fucking world we've made. i didn't ask for this.

[chenyuvale]

archon quest rambles in the tags

[sharm-the-shark]

NEW POST MADARFAKS

Ok so , as i said on the last post , im going to introduce you to my ( currently existing ) oc's , like their story and meaning , in a series of posts ( also specify that my oc's represent part of me and how I am , my feelings and mental conditions )

FIRST OFF AND THE ONE ON MY PFP

**drum roll**

STICH , but not the one from lilo & Stitch , mine is different , ok so , basically i have tourette síndrome :D ( basically i have involuntary spasm and a lot of weird stuff , I recommend you look for a video of people who have it to understand it better , and its kinda funny ) and Stich is how i imagine i'd look as a creature or something

I remember being in class and wanting to do a weird little face , i think It was for Halloween or some shet like that , and i have a LOT of tries and sketches , one day ill post em' ( maybe ) ( also they're super scuffed and cringe tho ) and i dont know how but the face ended Up in a TV , and now It has a body , i also remember joining the rain world discord server , i posted my custom region lizards there too , and someone liked them and i dont really remember how but we started talking and i asked them if they wanted a lizard , from that moment we began to send each other ideas for the other to draw it and such and I loved it , and one day we started drawing on aggie.io or magma ( a site where you can draw with friends ) idk i dont really remember , but i drew Stich and they came Up with the idea of antennae which i loved , and now is part of the design ,

And i dont know what more to say so I'll just put some drawings and explain them a bit ( some of the drawings are quite old so they're worse in my opinion , but I'll show then anyway )

This was the first digital drawing I did of Stitch ( + kid )

Here I think I got hyper fixation with flower crowns lol

Here I discovered that I could draw on black with white and decided to do something with TV snow

Here i was bored so i traced a photo of a hoodie and added some things cuz yeah

This was a drawing i made for Halloween 👍

This one is some Sort of redesign where i decided to give them headphones , which i like but not always draw them because of lazy

I made this in a moment i wasnt feeling great , and idk , its just some stuff i kept thinking and wanted to draw it

Oh yeah and , i think i came Up with the idea of a TV because of the weird glitches and like , whenever i have a tic or get stressed , It glitches or something

Oohh yeah , forgot to mention that i made human versións of my ocs , im not as Happy as i'd like with the drawing , but i like the concept so yeah

And finally the last drawing i made , It's fairly recent and Im still proud of how it turned out , and , i dont know , just the thought of me doing this its impressing

And that was It for the digital drawings , i still have a ton of traditional drawings of them , if you wanted to i could post them , but not now

And now , if you read all of that just wanted to tell you that i love you and that you're awesome , the Next post will be about nightmare >:)

Until Next time have a great day/night

Whatever <3

[abrahamshipwreck]

Ever amazing ever fabulous Ryker @hustleboness tagged me for my Top 10 Niche Interests. Going to have to whittle that down to jus 10 I guess!

Uncanny Valley. Dolls, mannequins, automatons/animatronics. Puppets. I love them all. I love even Reborn dolls and realistic sex dolls for the reason that I just find them so fascinating. Movement in the motionless. The amount of detail and craftsmanship and skill and love that goes into making them. Cant get enough! ADDITIONAL -Rankin Bass studios. Started off with the stop motion films. Guess this is a bonus one but ties in to no. 1.

Clowns. Clowns are funny, all they want to do is make people laugh, make them happy. Its such a pure form of entertainment and the culture surrounding professional clowns is amazing. I wanted to be a professional clown for a long time but I dont have the physical skill for it. I eat up clowncore like curcus peanuts.

Taxidermy. I guess this goes hand in hand with the Uncanny Valley- life in the lifeless. A creature that was once alive is given new energy with the skill and care of one person. Even rogue taxidermy fascinates me. The world of taxidermy has opened up so much since the advent of the internet and once closed trade secrets are open for all to learn from.

Cryptozoology. My ultra niche is probably the canidae- Beast of Gevaudan is my bread and butter to be honest. This leaks into Ufology but not to such a strong degree. Someday I want to go to the Bigfoot Convention in Kentucky, visit famous sites of Cryptid sightings, Roswell for the UFO convention. Places I can info dump and get new perspectives from.

Conspiracy theories. Miss me with that Illuminati reptoid shit an give me Princess Diana assassinations, government cover ups, I dodge the thinly veiled Anti-Semetic shit and dig for the real good ones.

Possums. I just love these funky lil dudes,m8

Extreme Survivalism. Even as a kid (I attribute a good hunk of this to "the Hatchet" and some childrens book about a kid making his own culture around a strange plant I cant recall the name to for this) I always wanted to do the whole "throw me out into the woods and see if I die". Im too chicken for it, but the thought of full self reliance and being separated from the world has fascinated me.

Americana Gothic. From Southwest desert bars seemingly abandoned by time to folkish beliefs of the hollers of Appalachia, this is an aesthetic I hold dear. No idea why.

Bonnebell Chapsticks (Lipsmackers). Still hands down the best flavors and I still hate that they frequently retire old flavors to repackage as Disney TsumTsum or some bullshit. Been collecting on and off since I was a wee lil kid and is still an addiction of mine.

90s Childhood Nostalgia/SFW Age Regression. Perhaps its because of some mental illness but I love collecting things I recall from childhood and getting use from them. Old Aladdin thermoses, backpacks of 90s Disney cartoons, Garfield school supplies, even things meant for very young children. Does this count as Age Regression? No idea, but it brings me great comfort to feel and use. Even things meant for children for myself and probably is a big reason I am afraid to gain weight because many of these things have small weight limits/sizes. This is the only thing I was hesitant to list given how toxic the community can be. Watch as I lose a ton of followers. But there you have it.

I have plenty more but these I feel fit more in the "weird niche" catagory than things like Horror or Musical Instruments or werewolves. We aint here to list the obvious.

I tag whoever wants to do it. Too scared to tag people bc of no 10 LOL

[endymionstudies]

An unpopular opinion? (If it's salty or controversial better then because I'd like to hear strong opinions from you ?)

oh MAN i have a LOT of opinions on things so always feel free to ask my opinion on anything

hm id have to say that my current unpopular opinion is: i don’t dislike the decline of tumblr.

not all of tumblr is declining: some communities are still strong, like studyblr and writeblr, but there’s a notable decline in a lot of fandom areas, especially literature/old fandoms. i’ve been on tumblr since 2012 – thats eight years of this. i was here when superwholock what at its peak. the fucking mishapocalypse is how old i am. most people don’t even know what that was, and those who do but weren’t here think its probably some weird collective fever dream. i have been here for all of the absolute garbage this site has produced. and i will not miss it at all. its almost like the feeling you get at the end of summer: you love all the good times that you had, but now youre ready for fall. 

i made some irreplaceable and lifelong friends through fandom tumblr. the hardest years of my life were spent on here learning that i wasnt alone, and that there were reasons and answers for my problems. i figured out i was bi because of tumblr.

but the idea that tumblr is declining and that one day our blogs are going to be like weird gravestones and obituaries to our time here? im perfectly okay with that. tumblr is past its prime. the population is aging (friends i had who were 20ish when i joined at 12 are nearly 30 now) and even the entrance population is older (i see mostly 14-16, rather than 11-13). 

tumblr introduced me to a lot of good things: but also a lot of bad too. there was a lot that was available here (really, more than other places) that i should never have been able to access. it also introduces to people a lot of things that aren’t, one could say, socially realistic or appreciated. ultra-radical feminism, tumblr sexualities, the idea that sexualities or mental illness/behavioral disorder symptoms are personality traits. criticism of people who treated symptoms or sexualities like personality traits were critics of the sexuality/disorder. tumblr was small then, and is no bigger now. the kind of moderating that should have gone into a website like this did and still does not exist. 

tumblr is going to close one day, and people will migrate to other platforms. but those people who spent their developing years here learning from and feeding into the culture are going to have a hard time. theyll still find the community they want somewhere else, they always will, but the fact that perhaps one single platform like this will not exist anymore is not a terrible thing.

sleepover tuesday - ask me questions while i’m packing!

[poetic-beats]

You'll be ok. If you feel your not, You can talk to me. Take care of yourself.

Thank you so much <3  I am just overwhelmed by everything right now.  Like my partner having no job by January. My mental health. My physical health like this year so far I’ve been told I have CNS dysfunction and FGID. I am being tested for Celiac. Oh and they found cysts on my ovaries then they tested and said it wasn’t what it could’ve been and now because of issues I’ve had my female GP who handles my contraception which is due up in January wants me to have another uhh thing to check the cysts and have another blood test because turns out I could actually have it..and it could affect my chances to have children naturally - I know what it was like for my mum she has the same condition and so if i have it I’m scared even though things are different now they know more and have better options its still like D: It is like seriously though I’ve got two new things wrong with me although they havent yet like found the cause of the CNS dysfunction all the specialist could say is I hit some markers for Fibromyalgia but not enough but in her medical professional opinion I do have some form of CNS dysfunction but just not likely fibromyalgia my mum took me to see this specialist first purely because she has Fibro herself so she thought well lets start with an appointment with a rheumatologist who would like be able to check for fibro and a few other condtions. So I kinda need to like now see I think the next step is a neuropsychologist but like I’ve been so stressed and ill right now trying to fight for my mental health treatment/therapy so I’ve not been like exactly thinking about making appointments for the CNS stuff. But it is impacting me it makes me get involuntary like twitches/jerks it feels like a jolt like a little electric jolt i guess down my body but not painful as such but it just makes my body go like suddenly my arms jerked to the left or Ive thrown the food in my hand across the room because my arm/wrist/hand w/e has suddenly twitched or w/e but sometimes i get the like electric like w/e feeling its hard to explain it like across my whole body from my head to my toes and at that point it can lead to me just sort of on and off twitching a bit more like less aggressively but more often in a space of time i usually end up sleeping it off so idk really I pretty much just always pass out asleep when I get that kind of feeling. And like I wanna do stuff to like help ease his worries about money and the burden on him to support us financially and support me emotionally. But I’m not fit to work like not even a minor part time job really because I’d be so unreliable with the way my body is. I am also affected by sensory issues and other things so it’s just not I couldnt realistically right now engage in work for someone.  So I am trying to do like online things but I don’t...I...just I am getting kinda overwhelmed by that too. Cos I dont know where to start what to do. Like I do but I dont you know? I mean...idk...Ive sold 3 pairs of sloth socks which was cool in the past like 2 weeks or is it 3 now since like i started like really seriously uploading to redbubble like before that I kept like uploading then removing my designs trying out different sites and so on I was trying to figure it out but I do now have it kinda figured out so that’s something. But now its like I’ve gotta get people to my freakin’ redbubble and its hard cos how an earth do i drive people to check out my store from the millions of others on the site. But also like I dont wanna like.. Idk I feel like and even though I have explained my situation on here I still kinda feel like I try to do it in a like not serious asking for help way in that i dont want it to come off as idk like I dont wanna be that person where its like i dont wanna be coming off as oh please help me feel sympathy towards me and feel sorry for me or pity me bs. I dont wanna be like appearing to be all I’m in desperate need pls help signal boost or buy to support me. Cos I’m not you know I have my parents to help we’ll be moving back in hopefully before xmas where I won’t have to pay rent. For me this is more about you know when my parents aren’t there I need to have an income for me and my partner hes disabled too...so full time jobs for the both of us is not likely especially if his EDS (edlher danlos syndrome) gets worse ya know?  So I suppose my worries arent like of imminent threat of anything but more like in the future we’ll be fucked if i cant set down the foundations now for the potential for a long term income from various online strategies. But just even thinking about the future and that far ahead fucking terrifies me.  Not only because of all this but because I never really thought about the future I didnt see one for myself as far as I was concerned I’d be dead or I’d be just...idk I couldnt even imagine a future or if I thought I’d make it I wouldnt really care you know because I didnt have like that light in me to want to live so it wasnt like I wanted to survive and thrive and i couldnt see a ‘happy ending’ for myself and now i can and I want to make that come true but of course its a bit hard to envisage a nice happy future with Kade when literally everything depends on having money to eat and have a roof over our heads etc and its just..UGH

I feel like trash too because I feel like my worth is valued by my output/labour and at the moment my output isn’t really bringing in cash right now so my output wouldnt exactly be deemed as ‘good’ idk its just weird its not like an I feel worthless thing like depression low self esteeem shit its more just a sort of social cultural consensus/belief that is ingrained that we are not really worth anything unless we’re contributing to society i.e working , paying taxes and buying things to reinvest in our economy etc etc..everything is about how much a human is worth in value of £ssss to big corporations and governments and rich people and idk its just like...they do have a point you know i cant just sit around and not do anything to contribute..because..then i feel like you know im not ‘sick enough’ to warrant that so im just in this limbo i guess completely self enforced by my mind which just makes it all the stupider but it is what it is. Venting this out has helped clear my mind some cos i mean at least its now out there in this void than just bouncing around my brain. Its why i write poetry too I guess idk why I just feel a release less tension SOMETIMES not all the time but sometimes it can help ease even if only slightly the chaos of my mind to just get it out there whether by chatting in person or writing it out like this just having it out there venting to someone or on a blog where people will read knowing like its not isolated within you still its relieving sometimes. So thanks for messaging me!  I hope you are having a good day so far! Idk timezones or where u r so it could be early there for you maybe your day is just starting..who knows! Its 2:37pm where I am right now though so I need to work  or try to...(yet again me feeling if i dont work constantly I be like failing at life) lol

[chronicillschronicpills]

god i had the worst fucking rheumatologist doctors appointment today.

for those who dont know, ive been dealing with this chronic illness for literally 10 fucking years. im 24, which means im young, and im a woman which means i face a lot of weird ageist, sexist shit. 

ive seen good doctors, and ive seen a lot of bad ones. ive been to i dont know... 10 different kinds of medical specialists, a couple of the same kind of specialist, multiple kinds of chiro’s, physios, dietician, acupuncturists, naturopaths, osteos etc., pain clinics etc, so i have been AROUND. 

i saw this fucking guy today, who took one look at me, saw i was a young woman and immediately, started to try spin a ‘this is a psychological problem’ rhetoric. this is not the first time this has happened to me. it might be the third noticeable time. 

he starts with ‘how can i help?’ and i say ‘well i guess all my problems started when i was about 14..’ and he interupts me and says ‘well what happened when you were 14?’ and im like ... ‘well, i guess thats when my body started hurting’, and hes like no.. what happened to you? like this guy wanted to pin my pain on some assumed trauma that had happened to me around that time since thats when my pain began. THIS IS THE FIRST PART OF THE CONVERSATION. idk what you want me to say, ive had no trauma. i wasn’t assaulted, my parents are still together etc. like ??? 

He is literally being so condescending at this part too, as if i have no idea or no clue about anything. I was losing my confidence in what i was saying so i wasnt being articulate as he kept shutting everything down.

hes asking me questions like a psychologist does (IVE BEEN TO PSYCHOLOGISTS BEFORE because old shit doctors did no investigating and just assumed i was mentally ill); hows your hygiene, do you brush your teeth, do you get dressed, what do you do in your spare time, whats your appetite etc. 

and im like ... ive been depressed... im not depressed. yes i am on antidepressants to which he goes, SO you ARE being treated for depression as if he has just uncovered a hole in my story. 

 and im so frustrated by this point because LIKE HIM the doctors i first saw just popped me on antidepressants because they didnt believe my symptoms and just assumed my pain was because i was depressed. i became depressed about 5 years after my symptoms started, BECAUSE I WAS IN PAIN and i had to mourn my old life. im now on antidepressants because im in pain all the time. the PAIN CAUSED DEPRESSION, not the other way around. regardless, my depression is TREATED, i dont have depression. 

despite me having inflammation and other autoimmune markers be high or positive, he completely neglects to even humour that my pain, fatigue and rashes etc. are caused by anything but psychological problems. hes also the FIRST doctor who said i dont get a malar rash but its clearly rosacea (i didnt have a rash that day so idk where he got that info from).

he goes to the extent to tell me theres no autoimmune problem and therefore to get off plaquinal and gabapentin (2 meds that have helped me quite a lot) because he didnt think i needed to be on them. i was prescribed these meds by a rheum who saw me over the time span of 2-3 years. he told me that these meds were causing my problems....

and now, just increase exercise... THATS RIGHT?!?!? IVE NEVER HEARD OF EXERCISE BEFORE!! YOURE A GENIUS. you dont think i havent fucking tried that in the 10 years ive had symptoms? if i could exercise, i would. 

i got visibly upset cause  he was invalidating everything, not believing anything i was saying, almost laughing at stuff that i was showing him and saying. he was so rude and arrogant and condescending. I didn’t want to cry (i did) because i felt like it was supporting all his preconceived conclusions he had already drawn about me; that i am a dramatic, hypochondriac woman whose emotions are causing pain. 

i then went on to check reviews about him online and BOY i wish i had done that before i wasted money on this jerk. He had the LOWEST reviews of all 30 doctors that were reviewed on this site. all but 1 of the reviews literally described by experience to a T. these were some of them;

he was “arrogant and condesending, was so rude and made me feel like I was making up symptoms. walkedout of the surgery very upset.”

“I found him arrogant with a huge god complex. There is a reason why people don't go back and see him. I get the feeling he doesn't enjoy being a doctor. Stay away from him“

“Not nice. Unless you look fit and healthy he will ignore your fybromyalgia and just say it's only because your fat regardless of the fact that the medication you are taking made you that way”

I then also looked up articles written by him and ALL his shit is about psychological aspects of pain. so, he’s already viewing people through that lens. 

The only upside is now i know that i should always research the specialist before hand

so discouraged, so over it. 

[monochromemedic]

taking a break  sometimes i feel like just deleting this blog. Cause as soon as I speak out on something controversial i just feel insane and just... god i can say something, speak my mind for once and someone just has to tell me ‘uh your being a little too serious’ like i don’t know i’m being weird and too serious or obsessed with one thing or latching on I know I am I can’t just stop you think if I could stop I would christ i can’t critic anything on this website, cant’ say anything remotely critical of good old Mark good old Saint Fischbach without being hit with the ‘oh he does so much for charity, oh he’s so good’  I know he is, i look up to him i see how good he is but apperently no one can critique anyone or else they get condemned.  fuck this fucking site fuck my feelings apperently their not the NORM.  Just stay in the norm, shut your fucking mouth Jenna just shut up with your dumb ass mental illnesses we all have problems here Jenna and ours are way bigger then yours just take the bullet Jenna just take everyones burdens on yourself cause your ‘popular’  im not popular im not , i’ll never be popular, i don’t know anything im doing stop holding me in such high regard when i’m just a piece of shit that made the occasional haha that got noticed but when i ask a real question oh shut up Jenna go back to the hahas.  Of course how dumb of me to have an opinion I should have known on this fucking website fuck me.

[tumblunni]

Digimon frontier ocs?

Randomly started rewatching CactusCasual's great Digimon Frontier critique series. He's leaving youtube soon and making the weird decision to delete his whole account and everything he's ever done. But he's uploaded a bunch of his best stuff to google drive so if people wanna keep.it they can. Still i think its a lil dumb to not just leave the account open even if you're not using it? I dont know anything about why he's quitting the site though so maybe he has his reasons.

ANYWAY this got me thinking again about how Frontier is so goddamn boring and weirdly cliche and badly paced, and like everyone just focuses on "but they changed how digivolution works" and ignores all the actual reasons its bad. Like, kids have fused with digimon in previous seasons too! And haven't we all wished we could be the awesome characters like angemon and etc? A digimonny power rangers henshin thing isnt an inherantly bad idea, it was just executed badly. I dislike it cos it meant we completely lost any sort of digimon and human bonding experience plotline. They gave us two recurring digimon characters but they were just basically a pokedex and the world's least funny comic relief. Gimme a version of the show where the kids actually talk to their "spirit evolutions"! Like maybe they have a digimon partner but its forever stuck in baby form or spirit egg form and cant fight without fusing with a human host? Or just give us a better non-combat digimon pal like bokomon and neemon but like.. Fully developed with their own character arc and relationships with everyone else. Maybe ophanimon could have been around the whole time and been a mentor and parental figure? And we could actually explore her moral ambiguity, cos seriously the show makes her kind of a "ends justify the means" asshole and just NEVER AKNOWLEDGES IT. Wtf was up with that scene where she illusions Cherubimon with a fake dream of him being purified and getting to just go back home and be friends? And then she just backstabs him and we never mention it again. Like seriously even if she couldnt actually cure him that scene at least revealed that he WANTED to be cured and it made him so much more sympathetic! If he can be reasoned with, maybe they could have talked him down and then gone on an adventure together to find an actual cure for him? Also seriously what is up with his entire plot! Cos he just gets 'infected with darkness' cos he 'had darkness in his soul' but its just cos he thought the humanoid digimon were being racist against the beast digimon? And like.. The council was 2/3rds humanoid with him as the only beast representative and since he got infected by evilness they never remotely tried to recruit a new one or listen to what beast digimon have to say. So he was kinda right, yo! Also wtf with the reveal that actually no everything we just said is pointless because his REAL motivation was just blindly obeying ANOTHER humanoid digimon that comes out of nowhere to be the final boss. Also what is up with all the increased sexism in this series!! Its so weirdly worse than even adventure which had the excuse of being "a product of the times" yet still had way better variety of female characters and less bigoted stuff! And frontier came right after tamers which was one of the best series for gender equality and even used the medium of the setting as an opportunity to talk about the subject. Shame they censored that in the dub tho, Renamon talking about how digimon have no biological sex and how she only came to think of herself as a girl when she came to the human world. And rika's family accepting her and inviting her to family girls's night and stuff! Like as a metaphor for transgender issues it really worked to try and explain it to a younger audience in a natural way. And then one season later in frontier we have ONLY ONE GIRL IN THE CAST and wah wah whining about fashion and oh no she cant ever win a fight and her goddamn spirit form is in skimpy lingerie despite her being 12, and the show is always perving on her! And then she loses her powers halfway through the first season without winning a single fight, and has to be the damsel in distress to motivate the dudes in a stupid love triangle. And even when she does get to fight she's only allowed to fight the ONE SINGLE GIRL ON THE VILLAIN TEAM and they have stupid slap fights and "who's the most pretty" and BEACH EPISODE and GAHHHHH

...anyway as you can see i have a lot of reasons why i didnt really like the series. But what i meant to make this post about (BEFORE I GOT DISTRACTED) is that the fundemental concept itself isnt bad, they just wasted all its potential. And its a really good concept for ocs! Make your own digi superhero person and explore the fragmented world doing stuff offscreen during the series! Like they left so much open?? We know that other kids also got on other trains to the digiworld and they all just failed or gave up or got captured by the bad guys. And we know there's a bunch of spirits that the heroes never use because the villains got them again, so its cool to imagine an alt universe where the roles were swapped. What if different kids became the chosen heroes? What if different spirits were corrupted by the villains? What would a good guy Grumblemon be like? What would the kid be like who got that spirit? Would their evolution form be wildly different from grumblemon? Do the villain forms and purified forms look as different as Duskmon and Lowemon did?

SO MUCH POTENTIAL!!!

So yeah i wasted so much space here blabbering, so i'll probably make a separate post about my oc ideas lol. But i'd love to see other people's ideas for ocs/reinterpretations/other ways to fix that wasted potential!

So! Digimon frontier oc ideas!

To start off,have an undeveloped idea of someone on the team having Angemon as their spirit evolution. Cos it would have made the transition to such a new series a lot easier if they had some sort of "hey this is for you" to the fans of the previous ones. And angemon is the Adventure digimon that already looks the most like a regular human in a weird mask.

SPEAKING OF WHICH! less regular humans in weird masks! Whats the point of "you turn into a digimon" if you dont turn into a digimon? Like i know the whole gimmick is "humanoid mode and beast mode" but even the beast modes often look like humans in a costume! And there's been so many humanoid digimon before who actually looked like HUMANOID MONSTERS rather than just normal dudes cosplaying! There's literally nothing "monster" about agunimon, he's just a guy in some knight armour. Like the most you can do is charitably assume maybe the horns are his own and not just attatched to the helmet. And its annoying cos the villains have way cooler evolutions! And also double annoying that they always bend the humanoid/beast rule in such transparently self serving ways. Tommy gets two beast forms cos he's meant to be the cute mascot-looking character. Zoey gets two human forms cos she's meant to be grossly sexualized all the time. When kouichi turns from bad to good he loses his interesting looking actually monsterous evolutions and just becomes another dude in an armour. A friggin palette swap of his brother!

Anyway anyway LOL IM RAMBLING AGAIN yo...

Ideas for ocs!

I was thinking of a main girl character who's basically just a "fuk u" to all the stereotypes they did with Zoey. Actually gets a monster lookin beast form and a warrior lookin human form and actually gets to goddamn fight! Maybe her name is Hilda or Hildegarde? And i'm imagining her as a chubby nerdy kid with glasses and curly hair and a super cute oversized sweater kind of fashion sense. And her main spirit form would be this super badass lady knight giant orc thing who can Protec All The Peoples! Maybe earth element or the irony of being light element but she's this big ol monster goblin with just a tiny pair of angel wings on the back, lol! And then her personality is normally super shy and socially anxious, but she actually finds the digimon world kind of freeing? She's a total badass in battle and acts like a big ol powerful protector of all her friends! And she's always super excited aboyt adventuring and gets carried away comparing stuff to her favourite books. And now we must learn everything about this new place!! TO THE DIGI LIBRARY!!! So she's able to be confident and bubbly when it comes to actual adventure stuff, but she's still shy about regular life and anything social. Maybe its her weakness? Like she's scared about going home because she thinks she'll be "just a nobody" again, and lose all the great friends she made here. And also maybe a backstory of her heroic side still existing even before she got magic powers, but in the most tragic way? She managed to fend off a burglar once all on her own, she just snapped and did everything possible to defend her family, even though this was a man three times her size! But instead of being seen as a hero it just made all the neighbours and kids at school spread rumours about her being dangerous. Oh she must be in *a gang* if she knew how to fight like that! Oh its so *dangerous* for a kid that age to have such anger inside! Maybe she's a *scary mentally ill person*! So the whole situation ruined her social status even more and made her retreat even more inside her shell. And this is why the circumstances of the digital world are such a wish fullfillment for her and she's so scared of just waking up and it all being a dream. I think the villains could manipulate her fears, and it could maybe lead to her Skullgreymon Moment?

And then another idea i had was for a trans boy? I just thought this would be a good framework to explore LGBT stuff. He'd maybe be the wind element? And his personality would be very "classic shonen hero" but without the "dumbass" part, instead he's the cynical planner type dude while Hilda is the "i didnt even think, i just wanted to save everyone" type. But he's still super peppy and tries to be the class clown all the time so people will like him, and loves to climb trees and stuff. I think maybe his fighting style would be all about trickery and random chance? If there was such a thing as an element of surprise then he'd have that one! And then his story is that he doesn't have anyone supporting him for who he truly is at home, and he's afraid that his new friends will call him a freak too if they find out. He took the opportunity and cut his hair short as soon as this adventure started, and just introduced himself to everyone as a boy. But he's scared that people will find out he "lied" even though he didnt, he's just been so beaten down with the idea that he's not allowed to be himself and he has to pretend to be everyone else's idea of an ideal cis man or else they'll reject him. So maybe he starts off a bit obsessed with cliche masculinity and has low confidence about himself? And this could reflect in his digivolutions actually changing! He starts off with a really over the top buff warrior dude form, even though his fighting style is entirely about speed and trickery. So he tends to get into trouble with this fake form getting in the way of his ability to fight. And then when everyone accepts him he gets all powered up and changes into a new form! A way less "cliche macho" dude who looks like a stage magician instead and actually synchronizes with his element to become super powerful! And he's all like "oh no i became less manly" but everyone is like "wtf dont let yourself believe you're any less of a man because of dumb stereotypes!" And Also Big Friendship Hugs.

And then maybe this provides a resolution to both him and Hilda's plots? Like when the story is over they still stay friends in the real world, and having a friend who supports them gives them enough power to withstand all the haters and stay confident in themselves. But itd be kind of a coincidence for all the digidestined to live in the same city lol! So maybe in real life they live at least a few towns away, and they become long distance pals who send letters/emails. Because I LOVE ALL MY LONG DISTANCE PALS!! Also itd make sense to have a Internet Good message in a digimon show, lol.

And then i dunno about the rest of the team yet but i thought itd be good to have a sort of moral divide? Like these are the two who have a shitty home life and dont want to leave the digital world. But then the other half of the group has big reasons to wanna go home. So the villains could play on this difference in goals and make them fight amoungst each other. Just generally make the villains more actually competant, yknow? Oh also if there's a Dark Agunimon on the villains he needs to be EVEN MORE of a boring human in a costume! Cos it sucks that all the villains have better character designs and the show seems to think theyre worse ones. Give me one case of more boring not meaning more heroic!