#incorrect dc prompts

[n0tsketchyy]

Big fan of AUs where Gotham villains have figured out the Bats' patrol schedules and have an unspoken agreement to avoid certain areas on specific nights.

Nobody wants to deal with Red Hood on Tuesdays (he's always in a bad mood after mandatory family dinner). Nightwing on Thursdays is a menace (that's when he tries out new puns). Robin on weekends is excessively violent (no homework = extra energy). Red Robin during finals week is your sign to keep away from alleyways and pray.

Batman is always Batman, but villains know he's slightly less intimidating on Monday nights (when Alfred makes cookies), because there's a 50% chance of finding him on a rooftop, cowl pushed back just enough, stress-eating.

There's a betting pool among henchmen about which Bat will show up to stop their crimes. Joker keeps sabotaging it by specifically planning his schemes to get the "full set" of Bats to show up at once.

Catwoman maintains a detailed spreadsheet that she sells to new villains for an exorbitant fee. It includes notes like "Avoid the East End on Wednesday nights - B & eldest bird do weird acrobatic challenges. You will lose." and "Third bird stress bakes after patrols. If you must commit crimes, do it before 2am so he has time for sourdough."

[puppetmaster13u]

Bruce, new to parenting: How long does your ideal hug last?

Dick: 30 to 40 minutes.

Bruce, already carrying him: That's a bit impractical-

Dick: You said ideal, not realistic

[r3ynah]

"Despite being ‘at a loss for words’, Danny scolded me for the next 45 minutes."

DCxDP prompt

Dani was completely flawless in everything she did, or so she proudly stated to everyone, which was true to some extent. She handles most of the missions handed to her by the Justice League dark with flying colors, she was sometimes called in to replace Constantine when the man was unavailable, finding lost scrolls, and performing magic she could do with ease, but she was not perfect she knows that well.

So, when she accidentally angered one of the most powerful demons to ever exist dangering not only herself but also the whole embassy of the Justice League, up to the main heroes and then down to Young Justice, Dani knew she kinda fucked up and made an error in her calculations on how much she could taunt the said demon, and now everyone was panicking which was...

Not an ideal condition for her because when everyone panics, she also starts panicking, not because the demon she angered was now spewing threats here and there (which was one of the corniest villain monologues she had ever heard).

No, she was afraid considering that since she had disturbed the peace between the living and the supernatural which was technically the dead if you based it on the horror movie franchise —BUT that was not the point, the point is that she cannot control the current situation, and that means she needed to get help from her....Brother....Eugh.

'Let's just get over this.' she sighed as she grabbed a dagger from her chest cavity, Dani's movements caught the eye of everyone present in the room, the ones that weren't occupied by the demon were watching her carefully to make sure the little ghost doesn't make anything worse than it is.

One, Dani closed her eyes.

Two, she took a deep breath.

Three—then she sliced her palm with the dagger, green ectoplasm oozing out of the wound.

Four. Everyone panicked.

Five. Finally, A portal surfaced.

It took only five seconds for Danny to head her call, exactly 20 minutes to calm the dispute happening, and 7 seconds for Phantom to regain his composure to look at his younger sister in the eye.

Dani avoided eye contact with her brother, not just her brother, while also avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room at the same time, whistling innocently as if nothing had ensued, Dani tried her luck and glanced at the levitating figure a few paces before her.

Phantom looked so done and constipated at the same time, Dani wanted to take a picture and show it to Dan afterwards.

"I'm at a loss for words."

"Despite being ‘at a loss for words’, Danny scolded me for the next 45 minutes."

[fruitcakebro]

If Danny married into the Wayne family he would take every possible opertunity to fuck with the press.

Reporter: Is it true that you're expecting?

Danny(Very pregnant): I'm expecting many things in life. Like for example, I expect that I'll have to unclog the sink again at some point.

Reporter: Okay, but what is it? *pointing at his belly*

Danny: Unless I've spontainiously turned into Mary Toft, we're assuming it's a baby.

Reporter: No, I mean is it a boy or a girl?

Danny: Statistically speaking probably one of those, yeah.

Jason: *trying very hard not to laugh*

Bruce: *sighing deeply*

[zylev-blog]

Danny and Jazz were forced to go to a gala with Vlad. During the gala, the Joker and Harley Quinn decided to prey on the rich.

Danny: Quick, Jazz, make a distraction.

Jazz: *immediately turning to the person beside her* I was just thinking how I would make the perfect American president based upon my skill set, dance ability, and bloodlust.

Dick, who was trying to slip out of the room: *intrugued* how does your dance ability make you a good president?

Jazz: I am so glad you asked.

Ten minutes later, she manages to distract Dick, Damian, and Steph. Bruce is not happy about this.

[amaramizuki666]

I have been pulled from the depths of my hibernation by this post. And now y'all should know my drill. I'm making this DP x DC baby.

Anyway

_________

Tim opened his door to see what looked to be a underweight preteen. The boy looked to be the personification of a wet cat. "Do you need something kid?" Tim's asks and leans aginst the door frame. Tim raked his eyes across the kid, he had ice blue eyes and black hair 'he looks like adoption bait'.

"I know what you are" the kid says. Tim raises a brow 'is this kid with the paparazzi or something?'. Tim tilts his head and tired smile on his lips "oh, Do you now?".

The kid with an all to serious expression lifts up a photo... of him.... as Red Robin climbing into his apartments window 'well fuck'.

Tim grabbed the kid by the wrist and pulled him into his apartment "so what do you want?" Tim asks cearfully, grabbing his coffee mug and nursing it as he stared the kid down.

Tim dosnt want to come off as threatening, but he won't just let the bratt expose him. "So you are Red Robin?" The kid says, not in a way that makes him seem unsure of himself, but like in the way he wants to hear it from Tim's lips.

"You can't prove it" Tim says calmly sipping his coffee. Tim knows he basically just conformed it, but he could tell the kid already knew.

The little shit gave Tim a wide smirk and pulled a manila folder, out of... somewhere? And hands it to him. Tim takes it, sets down his coffee, and opens it. Inside are a few dozen pictures of Tim, some were his mask is off while he is still in suite.

"Ok you got me, so what do you want?" Tim says slightly impressed, he is getting flashbacks to his younger years of chasing Batman and Robin with his camera.

"I'm going to be your sidekick" The kid says firmly. Tim's jaw drops. It feels like he is blue-screening. 'Is this how Bruce felt?' "Ok" The word left Tim's lips before he even relized.

The kid stuck out his hand "it's a pleasure doing business with you, I'm danny". 'You know what fuck it, this is my kid now' Tim smirked tiredly, taking Danny's hand (his ice cold hand) in a firmly grip "Guess we need to pick out a name for your then".

Danny's grin grows showing too many teeth "i already have one, is go by Phantom"

--------------------

I also think this would be hilarious if danny is actually older than Tim but is stuck as a sad meow meow because he stopped aging after he died, and ge saw Red Robin, practically on his own and most of the support he was receiving was from other teens, and deciding, no, no kid should be without adult support.

Danny wished he had someone to watch his Back besides his freinds and sister, sure they helped a lot, but he feels he would have been better off with an adult mentor (shut up vald you were never his mentor, just a creepy fruitloop).

And if Red Robin thinks he's a kid, all the better, it should make him less reckless if he thinks he has a kid to watch out for.

[sorawritesstuff]

tim: did you know demon spawn still sleeps with his stuffed giraffe? damian: is that so?? well i heard you still sleep with the night light on. jason: *walking past* you're both amateurs. tim: oh yeah? and what do you sleep with? jason: y/n.

[multifandom-disaster]

Clark: *carring groceries in both hands*

Bruce: *reaches to help*

Clark: *switches all the groceries to one hand to hold Bruce's hand*

Bruce: That's not what I- Okay

[raileurta]

Idk what this is honestly

*After a Justice League meeting*

Green lantern: You know spooky with your army of children you must be quite the ladies man.

Bruce has decided to mess with Hal.

Batman: I gave birth to them lantern.

Green Lantern: I- what?

Batman: *deadpan* I. Gave. Birth. To. Them.

Green Lantern: But- I- you're a man.

Batman: I don't know how that is relevant to this conversation.

Batman: I must depart I have important business elsewhere.

Hal tells everyone, no one believes him.

[dontbesoweirdkira]

I just imagined if batchild who favored Tim being Bruce bio-child. Damian so jealous and angry because his blood sibling chose Drake over him? This is too personal. Poor Tim will not have peace. I can imagine Damian trying to prove himself to his little sibling.

But the question is, does Damian even really give a flying fuck about this kid? Or does he just hate Tim and wants to destroy any ounce of happiness this boy has? Questions. Questions. Questions. lol.

Idk I love Damian being a little shit,,, he's something a little silly

Yes, Damian will terrorize Tim over this. He has such bad emotional regulation and he doesn't fully understand why he's so angry. He doesn't particularly like children and all their crying and babbling..they're stupid and useless...

But it peeves him so much seeing Tim take on such a prominent older brother role in their life. Tim is tainting the kid, he's not teaching them properly. A child should be held this way, it should be taught this, you need to do this. That is what his mother did to ensure his proper development so it must be right!

I can just imagine Damian cringing at all the baby talk and stupid games Tim plays with them. At first he's such a hate watcher of them. He'll be in the corner of the room, glaring daggers into them. "hmph they're perfect for each other. Dumb and even dumber. Guess which is which..." He snickers in his mind

Then he resorts to insulting Tim and micro-managing him. His baby siblings doesn't need to play with rattles, they need to be doing more intensive activities....Ughh.. They're being so stunned right now.

Then...slowly when no one is watching, he might speak to it. He doesn't get down on the floor with his sibling, he's just looking down at 'em and low-key shit talking. They piss him off so much but still he's at a lost for why?? Why does he seem to care about them and their upbringing so much when he hates them?

It isn't until Tim leaves for a mission or something when Damian *attempts* to hold and play with batchild. The child just looked so pitiful that he felt compelled to entertain them. Batchild starts to unexpectedly grow on him...eventually he starts kind of...loving them...? He feels warm when they smile at him...and an intense passion to protect them...

He's shy about it but Damian is obsessed with that damn baby. He won't try to draw attention to it but that is his baby now.

He can't help but to feel so possessive over them too, he'll cross his arms and huff when someone picks them up...he's stealing them back after five minutess...

But here's where the issue arises, Damian finally is feeling super close with batchild and has created this secret bond that no one else understands. He's done this oath with them in a pillow fort and everything, he's confidently believes that he's the new favorite sibling.

"Okay, Now we will drink this grape juice as we are solidified as true bloods of the Wayne bloodline..."

*intense babbles and clapping*

"Yes, our superior lineage is something to celebrate."

But then Tim comes back and batchild completely forgets about Damian and rushes to Tim. Even refusing to be held by Damian later on. His heart is crushed and to him this is the ultimate betrayal.

If Tim didn't have peace before, he really won't have it now. Like Damian wants to duel over this, it's that serious to him.

The pure venom that Damian spews is so fucked up that I cannot even repeat it. Like Tim is worried for his safety at this point.

Damien would definitely steal batchild out of their crib at night and take them into one of the unused rooms in another wing of the manor. It's fully decorated with tons of things batchild loves, all necessities...even has tons of snacks and a fridge with goodies. Damian is fully prepared to be the sole provider for this baby. lmaoo. He's hiding this kid out there for a good couple of hours before everyone realizes where the two of them are.

Damian is fighting hard to keep from them taking batchild...but is defeated when batchild sees Tim and goes

"Timmy!!" and tries running to him. It's so hilarious. Damian is at his wits end. He's never going to stop though until he's number one. Even if "Timmy" has to go.

Dami is the most un-serious-serious person on the planet.

[x0x0strawberry]

Y/N: *standing in the doorway of bedroom* Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

Jason: *sitting on the bed, looking up from the book* I have a gun inside the nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shoot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

[n0tsketchyy]

Jason “drama queen” Todd definitely has numerous ways of fucking with Bruce.

One of those ways is just "dying" in increasingly dramatic ways around the manor just to mess with him.

Bruce will walk into the kitchen to find Jason face-down in a bowl of cereal with blood everywhere, and Alfred standing there completely unfazed.

"Master Jason has 'died' four times this week, sir. I've stopped cleaning up the messes."

Dick thinks it's hilarious and has started rating the performances. Damian offers unsolicited critiques ("Your positioning is unrealistic. The blood splatter pattern suggests you would have fallen backwards, not forwards.")

Tim just steps over Jason's "corpse" in the hallway while typing on his phone, completely desensitized. Once he actually used Jason's "dead body" as a desk to sign documents.

The one time Jason actually gets hurt (falling down the stairs while texting), everyone ignores his genuine groans and calls for help for a solid ten minutes.

"I think my ankle is actually broken this time!"

"6/10. The desperation is convincing but the scenario lacks creativity." Dick calls from another room.

Bruce walks in, sees Jason at the bottom of the stairs, sighs deeply, and walks out.

Cass is the only one who can always tell when Jason is actually hurt. She'll silently appear with a first aid kit when it's real, and with theater makeup when he's faking, to help make the "death" more convincing.

During a charity gala, Jason "assassinated himself" by dramatically stumbling into the ballroom with a realistic plastic arrow through his chest, whispering "Et tu, Bruce?" before collapsing onto the dessert table. Bruce just handed his champagne to a confused socialite and said, "Excuse me, I need to dispose of a body. Again."

When asked why he keeps doing this, Jason just shrugs and says, "Coming back from the dead once was traumatic. Coming back from the dead thirty times in ridiculous ways? That's therapy."

"Plus," he adds, wiping off fake blood, "the look on Bruce's face that time I recreated my actual death scene with a crowbar and mannequin was worth every second in actual therapy I'll need later."

[puppetmaster13u]

Bruce, having to deal with a meeting: If I politely asked you to cme over and kill me could you?

Tiny Jason: I'd come over and hug you, I don't think I'd kill you-

Tiny Dick, angry over the Last Cookie Fiasco: I'll do it!

[stars-obsession-pit]

Bruce is… possessive, of Gotham City. He doesn’t like outside heroes entering his city. Part of that is just his own neuroses, he knows, but he has a reason for it—and it isn’t that he hates Metas, no matter what some people try to claim. Gotham is a complex, unstable mess, and all it would take is one foolhardy outsider with more power than sense to break everything, regardless of how good their intentions are.

And unfortunately, that possibility did indeed come to pass.

Well, sort of. He doesn’t blame Phantom for the cohort of dangerous ghosts that made their way into Gotham City; the teenage vigilante clearly was trying his best to keep a handle on everything. But their presence has been causing a lot of problems, and the Bats have needed to maintain all hands on deck just to have a chance at preventing the city from falling into chaos again.

[alien-slushie]

Phantom: Did you know you talk in your sleep? Tell me though, who's Bernard?

Tim: Hes my Boyfriend.

Phantom:....Anyways-

[zylev-blog]

*Casually in the Middle of a High Stakes/Dangerous Situation*

Danny: How do you eat pickles?

Dick: What do you mean?

Danny: I mean, there's a whole process. It's not like you can grab them from the jar with your hand, because it's cold and the juice burns if you have a cut, plus, it's pretty unsanitary. And you can't use a spoon because you'll have to scoop it out, and it'll be way too difficult to grab more than three or four without taking 10 minutes along with half the brine in the jar, even if it's one with holes.

Dick: Yeah, that's why you use a fork.

Danny B: Okay, sure, but what if you don't have one of the big ones clean? It's weird to use a small one. But there is always one of those smaller sharp knives clean.

Dick: But the straight edge doesn't really fit the cylindrical shape, and you have to make sure you don' t break it, it's too much work.

Dick: It makes me feel like I deserve the pickles though. Like, "Yeah, I did it. That's right. Good job me." It's empowering. But even after that, it's not like you can use a bowl.

Danny: I get that, it's not ascetically pleasing.

Dick: Exactly! And it looks weird if you don't entirely fill the bowl, but you also can't eat that many. My solution: Use a mug.

Danny: *Nods in agreement*

Jason: That is all very interesting, BUT WE'RE TRYING NOT TO DIE RIGHT NOW! USE YOUR LIMITED ATTENTION SPANS AND FOCUS!

Danny: Jeez, okay.

Dick: Quit yelling at us already.