#incorrect falcon

[i-a-q]

Sam: How are you sunburned already? We’ve been here for five minutes!

Bucky: grumbling Super-soldier serum didn’t come with sunscreen.

[i-au-a-q]

Hydra!Peter

Steve: Wait, Hydra made you?

Peter: Yup. Spider powers and all.

Sam: Why aren’t you more messed up?

Steve: Sam!

Peter: I eat a lot of pizza. Helps balance things out.

[trickarrows-bishop]

[coffeeandjuice]

Bucky every 2 seconds: …You know, Sam—

The rest of the Thunderbolts*: oh my fucking god please stop talking

[marvelsgirl616]

[warmachine68]

This is more Bucky coded, but it could easily work for either of them

[daffsforstag]

Bucky’s conversation with Sam that “went poorly.”

[callmefirefly]

Joaquin: What are you writing?

Bucky: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information.

Sam, looking over Bucky's shoulder: This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy.

[definitelyincorrect]

Bucky: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeves.

Sam: I think you mean cards.

Steve: He does not.

Bucky, pulling out an alarming number of knives: I do not.

[i-a-q]

Clint: So, uh, anyone wanna talk about what just happened?

Sam: Nope. Absolutely not.

Peter: Can we all agree to never speak of it again?

Tony: *wiping his brow* I’m with the kid.

[i-au-a-q]

Hydra!Peter

Sam: So… you were Hydra. How did you, you know, switch sides?

Peter: They wouldn’t let me listen to my playlists.

Sam: *laughing* So you betrayed Hydra for music?

Peter: It’s a basic human right.

[lives-in-midgard]

Bucky: You can’t make everyone like you. You’re not Y/N.

Sam: Not everyone likes Y/N.

Bucky: Who doesn’t?

Sam: Well...

Bucky: Names, now. Give me their names.

[trickarrows-bishop]

[itzsephig5]

Sam: Our relationship is strictly professional. Bucky, sitting on Sam’s lap: Absolutely. Only on business.

[bangchansrose]

reporter: congressman barnes, any comment on the allegations that you're homophobic?

bucky: excuse me?

sam, in full cap gear with an arm around bucky's waist as he studies their wedding rings: sounds like bullshit, don't you think, buck?

[headcanonthings]

Sam: I don't want Steve to die Sam: You don't want Steve to die Sam: So now we need to make sure that Steve doesn't make Steve die Bucky: Fantastic plan, but have you fucking met him?