#incorrect ironman

[marvel-lous-guy]

Tony: what do you do of multiple gang leaders break into your appartment and try to kill or kidnap you and your aunt?

Peter: I can take them I'm spiderman

Tony: for the love of God kid please just call me or even the cops next time

Peter: I think I handled this pretty well *squirts fire extinguisher again*

Tony: Kid you made the bathtub catch fire

[minimarvelh]

Tony, entering the elevator and seeing Peter in it: hey, my favourite intern, how is your project?

Peter: oh, everything is alright, Mr. Stark. I just need you to sign these documents for me.

Tony: oh, alright, do you have a pen?

Peter: yes, right here.

Tony: ok, where to sign?

Peter: here. *Tony signs* and here *Tony signs* and here *Tony signs*.

Tony: okay, but what did I sign?

Peter: oh, nothing, dad.

Tony, choking: what did you just say?

Peter, running out of the elevator at full speed: NOTHING IMPORTANT, DAD!!

(aka Tony accidentally adopts his intern because he didn’t read the documents. After hearing what have happened, Pepper couldn’t stop laughing and shouting „it’s KARMA”. Tony doesn’t think it’s karma, he thinks this kid might be his blessing)

[wynnd-citrus]

nearly forgot to post this onto my tumblr today (im so used to just posting to IG and then being done but i must now take care of my tumblr page too hehe)

[spideyy0y]

Tony makes Peter ‘test’ all the newest Stark Phone models

It all starts when one day Peter shows up at Tony’s lab. His phone at hand literally broken into four pieces and held together with actual webbings and pure determination and more cracks than actual screen.

“What the hell is that.”

“oh, my phone? I dropped it while I was saving someone’s cat from a tree.”

“…How on earth is it still working.”

“It’s perfectly fine, I just need to hold it in a 45 degree and I need to web it every 3 hours.”

Tony looks at him as if he said he likes to eat children. Horrified and disturbed.

And obviously Tony can’t just give him a phone because Peter gets weird about expensive gifts. Or any kind of gifts really. It used to drive Tony crazy but he has learned to work around it. Doesn’t mean he likes it tho.

Two days later when Peter comes into the lab, Tony tosses him a phone. Not any phone. The latest, unreleased Stark Phone.

“I need you to test that for me.”

“Mr. Stark I can’t-”

“Of course you can. Just drop it from a few buildings or take it inside a lake or whatever vigilante kids do these days.”

Look. He is just a really good engineer and needs to make sure all his products are top tier and the best in the market. It’s a very serious and a scientific matter. Not charity, not some weird need to give the kid whatever he needs and definitely not because he cares. It is a business decision. Who else is better to test phones than a kid with superpowers? No one. exactly.

Peter sighs eventually.

“Fine. But if it breaks I’m not paying for it.”

“Of course not. It’s just a test unit.”

—

Three days later Peter reports that the new phone can survive a 3 story building drop but not getting electrocuted. Tony gives him another prototype.

—

A week later. Peter gives the now crushed and two pieces of what used to be a phone.

“Truck crushed it.”

Tony gives another one.

—

The fourth one is dead because Peter accidentally crushes it in his hand. Tony shakes his head and gives him a new one.

—

After a while, it becomes a routine. At least once a week, Peter comes with a broken Stark Phone, Tony takes notes and gives him another one.

Neither mention how all the phones always have May’s, Tony’s and Happy’s phone mumbers in them.

and of course, Peter is aware what Tony is doing but trying to fight Tony on money is harder than finishing all his assignments in one night. So he lets it go.

—

“…You know normal people just gift a phone and say you’re welcome.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

—

Tony stark has a very good reason why Peter always has the newest Stark phone at hand. It’s quality assurance. It’s for science.

It’s definitely not because he likes texting the kid and the memes Peter send him at 3am or the random questions he asks.

it’s not because of that at all. or at least that’s what Tony is sticking to.

[august-parker]

Peter literally almost breaking the door kicking it down: "MR STARK EMERGENCY!!"

Tony who just had the worst heart attack of his life: "JESUS FUCKING- PETER WHAT!? WHAT'S GOING ON-?!"

Peter crawling on the floor and grabbing his leg: "I'M DYING MR STARK-"

Tony: "WHAT!? FRIDAY SCAN HIM- WHAT HAPPENED-"

Peter: "I'M DYING! AND THE ONLY CURE- IS- IS TO BUY ME THIS LIMITED EDITION SPIDERMAN LEGO SET"

Tony:

Peter:

Tony:

Peter: ":)"

Tony: "get the fuck out of my lab."

Peter: ":("

[atrprkr]

Peter; at school and just got in trouble: I swear I'm innocent!

Principal; not amused: That's it. Your aunt passed? I'm calling your parents.

Peter: Haha, good luck with that!

Principal: What?

Peter: My parents are DEAD! *unhinged laughter*

Principal: but I have their phone numbers....

[headcanonthings]

[ramen8008]

Tony has many rules for Peter.

No spideman-ing after 10, homework before spiderman, 8 hours of sleep, etc etc.

One of these happens to be "don't grow taller than Tony"

Apparently this is one of the many rules that Peter breaks

Tony is not happy (he is. His boy is grown. Tears)

[autumnistic-danmei]

Steve: How many kids do you have?

Tony: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

[movienerd22]

Tony: *showing a picture of clearly Peter as Spider-Man doing something dumb on the screen*

Tony: can you explain what you’re doing in this picture.

Peter: *shrugs* that’s not me

Tony: that’s..not you ? *eyebrow raise*

Peter: uh nope

Tony:

Peter: *runs*

[itsnotsocrazy]

Peter <3

[marvel-lous-guy]

Peter: I would die for you Mr Stark

Tony: No. We're not gonna do that

[minimarvelh]

Tony: kid, you alright?

Peter: yeah, why are you asking? I’m right here with you playing minecraft.

Clint: yeah, Tony, stop being mother Hen.

Tony: fuck off, I feel like something is wrong. Look me in the eyes.

Peter: what? no?

Tony: Peter!

Peter: ahjak okay!

Tony, one second after looking at his kid: Friday, call Bruce, we’re heading towards Medbay!!

Client: you gotta be kidding? he’s completely fine!

Tony: ehh no, he has the “I was stabbed” look in his eyes.

Clint: no he’s not. that’s not a real thing.

Peter, bewildered: yeah, that’s not a real thi—

Friday: it appears to me that Mr. Parker-Stark jr. is losing his blood in exponential levels and he has some sharp object in his back.

Peter: the knife isn’t that sharp

Tony: PETER

[wynnd-citrus]

I couldn’t download my reel with the audio so… BUT imagine the iCarly audio that goes:

“You are grounded for… til.. college.”

“For til college?!”

“For til college!”

[spideyy0y]

Avengers/marvel/irondad texts part 4

[the-poor-miranha-quotes]

Tony: So today I learned that peter has me in his cellphone as "Mr Irondad "

Clint: *shrugs* Could be worse. Wanda and Pietro have each other down as "spare parts"