#incorrect magic kaito

[incorrect-ekoda-gang]

Kaito: Hey, just curious, totally hypothetical question here - if we got married, would I get diplomatic immunity?

Saguru: What did you do?

Kaito: …

Kaito: On a completely unrelated note, will you marry me?

Saguru: WHAT DID YOU DO?!

[kudouasagi135]

Hattori: Hey, who is dis? Kuroba changed all ma contacts inta mythical creatures.

???: What's mine?

Hattori: Dwarf.

???: HE'S SO MEAN I'M NOT THAT SHORT!!

Hattori: Oh hey Kudou.

[incorrect-kaishinshi]

Shiho: So, the hairdresser shows up at noon tomorrow.

Kaito: Great, and while you do that, I’ll check in on the ring bear.

Shinichi: I’m sorryーyou’re saying ‘ring bearER’, right?

Kaito: ...

Shinichi: Kuroba Kaito, Look me in the eye and tell me ‘I promise I’m not bringing a dangerous wild animal to our wedding’.

[nastya-steel]

Conan: You're really bad at acting like me

Kaito: WELL HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WERE LIKE PRE-BRATTENING

Conan: Skill issue.

Kaito: I will send you back to Singapore, so help me-

[incorrect-mtg]

Niv-Mizzet: So you actually met Beleren in Duskmourn?

Kaito: Yes, he left me to die.

Niv-Mizzet: Concerning. I suppose Zarek was right about him being alive.

Ral: What, did you think I was lying?!

Niv-Mizzet: Your grudge towards Beleren is well established. You were a biased observer.

Ral: You... What, thought I had imagined a living Jace Beleren to be mad at?!

Niv-Mizzet: Hallucinating things to be mad about is a known phenomenon among Izzet scientists who haven't had enough sleep.

Kaito:

[altumvidetur]

Snake: I could kill you if I wanted. KID: Oh, yes? So could another human being. So could a dog. KID: So could a dedicated duck. KID: You aren't special.

[autumn-foxfire]

Shinichi: Your top is nice.

Sonoko, looking at Kaito: Thanks so is yours!

[izzytheloser12]

~Kaishin and gosho boys incorrect quotes~

Shinichi : Kaito and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Heiji : *Sighing* What did Kaito do?

Shinichi : They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Kaito: Who wants a steering wheel?

~~~~~~~~~

Conan: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?

Kaito: Plane tickets?

Hakuba: Concert tickets?

Heiji: Prostitution?

Conan, holding their broken frames: Glasses.

~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Why is Kaito so sad?

Heiji: he took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Shinichi: And...?

Heiji: he got Hakuba.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Kaito: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Heiji ?

Heiji: Probably “road work ahead”.

Hakuba: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

~~~~~~~~

Hakuba: You read my diary?

Heiji: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

~~~~~~~~~

Kaito: “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly, I’m falling asleep already. “Cowards” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, to the point, and dramatic.

~~~~~~~

*kaito messing with them*

Hakuba: Okay, what does A stand for?

Kaito: Arson.

Hakuba: Aw, you're so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for?

Kaito: Barson.

Heiji: *laughter*

Hakuba: What stands for C?

Kaito: Commit arson.

Heiji: Oooo.

Hakuba: D!

Kaito: Don't come near me, I'm going to commit arson.

Heiji: *more laughter*

~~~~~~~~

*kaito about shinichi*

Kaito: Yeah, a partner sounds nice, but a supreme enemy you can make out with in secret sometimes sounds a lot more hardcore.

~~~~~~~~~

Kaito: You know, Shinichi, you are the sun in my life.

Shinichi: Why? Cause I'm smoking hot?

Kaito: Because it hurts my eyes looking at you.

~~~~~~~~

Aoko, texting: Kaito, will you please go to sleep?

Kaito, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up?

Aoko, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!

Aoko, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon?

Kaito, texting: I’m trying

Aoko, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH

Aoko, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky :)

~~~~~~~~~

Kaito: Shinichi annoyed me today so I told him that I can’t wait to see what he has planned for our special day tomorrow.

Hakuba: There is nothing special about tomorrow.

Kaito: But there is something special about watching the color leave his face as panic takes over.

~~~~~~~~~

*before they started to dated*

Kaito: Shinichi is playing hard to get.

Kaito: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

[the-sprog]

Detco blah blah you know the drill

Conan, seeing a guy sprawled on some garbage bags: "Hey are you ok?"

Kaito, concussed, just fell of the side of the building after changing clothes after a heist, squinting: "What are you?"

Conan, tilting his head: "... I'm a kid"

Kaito: "Oh... That's unfortunate."

Conan: "..."

[nymphadorathetemplar]

Kaito: [unaffected by Akako’s charm] i really am the best magician, not even real magic can get the best of me

Saguru: [walks in] no you're just gay get fucked

my dcmk incorrect quotes masterpost

[animepokemonworld]

Hakuba: Met a dumbass today, awful experience  Kaito: So you looked in a mirror? Hakuba: Someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful.

[incorrect-ekoda-gang]

Jii, on the phone during a heist: What’s the status up there?

Kaito: Fucked up, about to die, Hakuba’s a nerd. The usual.

[kudouasagi135]

KID: Meitantei, how many teeth do you think a donkey has?

Shinichi: One... Two... Three, four... Five, six, seven, eight... Nine, ten, eleven... Twelve. Twelve teeth.

KID: ...You're counting my teeth.

Shinichi: ...Exactly.

[incorrect-kaishinshi]

KID: Oh yeah? Well [puffs out his cape to make himself look huge and scary]

[justlissca]

Kaito: How was your week, Shinichi?

Shinichi: I’ve been sleeping so little the past few nights that when I go to the alarm app, I click on the “power nap” button. I don’t set up alarms, I set up timers, Kaito.

Kaito: ...

[incorrect-mtg]

Winter: We need to be careful while going through this area. It's full of those ghost portals.

Kaito:

Kaito: You mean those TVs?

Winter, pointing at a TV: No? I mean those ghost portals

Kaito: Yeah, TVs.

Winter: Ghost portals.

Wanderer: Let's just call them Ghost TVs and move on