#instead of drawing from life to improve

[al8estos]

FELLAS! This is your captain speaking

Original frames under cut

[iiinkos]

digital art is great but i dont think its the best medium for beginners, or just learning in general. i think it’s because of the infinite amount of tools— undo button, infinite colors, so many layers, that kind of thing. those are great for finished pieces, but they aren’t great for learning. having the undo button makes you not understand the value of each stroke because you can just undo it if it looks off. infinite colors limits your ability to pick out or see the certain colors that would actually fit with the piece, because you can just pick out the literal color. and that many layers can cause you to overcomplicate small details over fear of fuckin up :P if you’re able to go past that and learn good with digital art anyway then good for you, but it is incredibly tempting to just. use the easy but ultimately less valuable to your education shortcuts. it sorta just removes consequences and mistakes from it all. mistakes are important to learning, amd just removing them is honestly a really bad idea. go get a cheap notebook and a ballpoint pen and just. draw. mistakes r valuable and useful to building your skills, perfection all the time just leads to you not learning

[bytebun]

I think back on my own “talent” as an artist & it’s like. never seen such a complete lack of design sense or visual aesthetic in a kid so good at capturing forms

[alphagodith]

a word of warning

if you spend all your time trying to deserve/earn your life/happiness, you won't have any time left to actually enjoy life

[sysig]

Tainted batch (Patreon)

[lightbulb-warning]

16 classmates means 256 potential dynamics to explore if we only consider 1 on 1 interactions (which i will! ...until this sentence ends) and that means 256 drawings. considering that group interactions exist and it can be any combo that is... a way larger number.

i have 2 hands, 0 time and too much ambition!!

haha! oh no.

[iliketomatosauce]

progress with ssri

[probablyasocialecologist]

A comprehensive new report commissioned by the Utah Department of Health and Human Services provides one of the most detailed and exhaustive assessments to date on the medical safety, effectiveness, and long-term outcomes of gender-affirming care for transgender and nonbinary youth. And despite recent political rhetoric suggesting otherwise, the findings are clear: gender-affirming medical treatment, when guided by evidence-based protocols, helps transgender adolescents thrive. The report “Gender-Affirming Medical Treatments for Pediatric Patients with Gender Dysphoria” was produced by the University of Utah’s College of Pharmacy Drug Regimen Review Center and submitted to the state in August 2024. It arrives in the wake of Utah’s controversial Senate Bill 16, which placed a moratorium on gender-affirming medical care for minors and tasked health officials with conducting a review to determine whether the ban should remain in place. Rather than validating the restrictions, the 900-page report systematically debunks the narrative that these treatments are experimental or dangerous. Instead, it affirms what many healthcare professionals, families, and transgender individuals already know from lived experience: that access to gender-affirming hormone therapy and puberty blockers reduces psychological distress, improves quality of life, and is supported by decades of research. The Utah report is among the most thorough reviews conducted by a state agency. It draws on more than 270 clinical studies from the U.S., Canada, the Netherlands, Australia, and Europe, spanning observational studies, randomized controlled trials, and long-term descriptive research. These studies examined the mental and physical health outcomes of transgender youth who underwent gender-affirming medical care, including puberty blockers (GnRH analogs), cross-sex hormones (testosterone or estrogen), and related medications. Key findings include: Significant mental health improvement in adolescents undergoing gender-affirming care, including reductions in depression, anxiety, suicidality, and eating disorders. Improved quality of life and self-image reported by TGNB youth after starting hormone therapy. Low rates of regret or treatment discontinuation, especially when care is delivered through comprehensive, multidisciplinary teams. No serious long-term health risks found in monitored populations receiving hormone therapy, including studies with follow-ups as long as 40 years. The authors conclude that there is more evidence supporting gender-affirming care than there is for many high-risk new drugs approved for children in the U.S., including recent gene therapies.

23 May 2025

[valtsv]

bite that which feeds (on) you

"fun" optional design notes (CWs for self harm/mutilation, body horror):

this is meant to be a drawing of VAL having bitten off or otherwise removed her own tongue, but you may also interpret it as a depiction of the canonical suffering she increasingly experienced and tried unsuccessfully to deny while using her power. either way, it's meant to be an act of self harm. this started out as a vent doodle and then i got attached, so i hope you won't hold it against me too much.

i intentionally styled this to look like a “botched” artwork of saintly transfiguration (rather than gazing upwards towards the divine, VAL makes direct eye contact with the viewer, and though she's smiling with a hint of triumph, it's clear she's in terrible pain, and there is no ecstasy or transcendence in her agony, her halo is breaking and rusted) - an anti-hallowing, if you will. however, the connection to her hallowing cannot entirely be subverted and ignored - the barbed wire, though tarnished, still surrounds her in vicious broken tangles that snag on her clothes and hair; she's still soaked in blood, if only her own. she cannot truly escape it - not through further violence, at least.

i dressed VAL in clothes that are an inversion of my "default" outfit for her, ie: her battle-saint uniform. instead of a collared shirt (for some semblance of formality despite her position as a covert agent) layered over a black turtleneck to conceal her prayer marks from immediate scrutiny and suspicion and weather stains more effectively, she's wearing a light coloured shirt that only emphasises the patches of scarred skin it doesn't cover and is very obviously stained with blood. her jacket is unremarkable and chosen for comfort rather than military issue, but she's clearly not experiencing much comfort from it right now. her skirt is a soft, peaceful pale blue-grey instead of an eyecatching, provocative red-brown, evoking religious iconography of saints and other holy figures, particularly the virgin mary (whose story of immaculate conception forms an apt horrifying parallel to the process of sainthood as depicted in tsv; bodily violation by a divine figure and forced 'god birthing', to utilise the show's own terminology - emphasis is placed in biblical canon on mary's willing consent, but tsv illustrates the horrifying side effects of such a choice, however freely made, with characters like VAL and paige) - but like the shirt this only serves to highlight the blood staining it.

for her expression, i tried to evoke this scene from s1 ch4 (again, drawing a connection to the hallowing that put her in the position to consider an act like this in the first place). i was particularly struck by the idea of ‘not needing to worry anymore’, and the potential for double meaning there (being afraid for someone, and being afraid of them) - of VAL conceiving of a way to make it so that no one would “worry” about her by sacrificing that which enables her to wield words as a weapon.

i personally don't think that VAL would be very likely to bite or cut out her own tongue, because of the vulnerability and dependence on the kindness of others that would necessarily require her to accept. i imagine it rather as a simultaneous guilty fantasy and intrusive fear-obsession she might have, neutering herself into something safe and sympathetic in a single decisive act of sacrifice that spites both the god that ate her and the girl she was who volunteered her life to it in the process, whilst knowing from experience that it wouldn't truly satisfy anyone, nor bring her peace or improve her quality of life.

[cameforstuff]

Hate Mail

Stan had gotten used to reading and replying to piles of mail in a day, slowed by carefully deciphering the messy crayon so he could give the best response. It would usually take him several minutes to think of the perfect doodle to slip in with it. Sometimes he would scrap it several times before he was happy with the result.

His last letter was from a little girl from California asking if it could rain soda she poured it into the ocean. He’d written a polite answer explaining that it would be bad for the sea animals, and a simple experiment she could do with evaporation instead. After a bit of thought he drew Dr. Pine sitting a a table chatting with a sea turtle in purple crayon at the bottom. He was almost glad he had not improved his drawing skills since he was twelve. 

The next letter shocked him a bit. He almost set it aside when he saw it, thinking a bill had been slipped with the fan letters. Yet there on the front, in almost obnoxious cursive, was the typical address to Dr. Pine. There was no return address.

Another odd thing about the letter was just how carefully it had been put together. The wording straight and the envelope closed seemingly perfectly. Yet the bottom corner was scrunched like the writer had been holding it like their life depended on it. Stan opened the letter, to his surprise there was two. 

The first was like any letter from a kid, slightly messy handwriting gushing about their favorite part of the last episode. The ‘Tate Mcgucket’ seemed to really enjoy them discussing the lake’s food web and listed a few of his favorite fish. 

The second letter however was not as kind. It listed 12 inaccuracies in the episode. Each going in lengthy detail. He could only skim it as the text shrunk to save room. The explanations were familiar in a way. Kind of like how he tried to explain things, but laced with passive aggressive remarks. Hate mail was a thing he had gotten from angsty teenagers and upset parents on occasion, but this letter felt different. It was addressed by a ‘Mr. Mystery PhD, A real one unlike yours.’ He stared at the letter for several minutes unsure of what to do with it. 

He moved back to the first letter, replying to it like any other. Drawing a Dr. Pine riding a large bass. He quickly popped open a book for references, this kid seemed like the type to appreciate the effort. Then he looked back at the other letter. A bit of annoyance now when he remembered the letter had no return address. He pinned both to a the corkboard above his desk and moved on to replying to other letters.

He decided he was going to get his reply to Tate, not only because he was determined to reply to every letter, but also to spite this ‘Mr Mystery.’ He may be right that Stan is not a real doctor, but he was a man to stubborn for his own good

______

And thus a saga of mail exchanges begins. Where? Uh I lost it in shipping, you know how mail goes.

Forgot to link the post that this is based on.

[matchatarot]

My sweet Bunny, spring is here and my heart is full! To celebrate the flowers blossoming and the birds chirping, here’s a forecast for the season. Each pile contains challenges and blessings that will mark this season of renewal, along with advice to guide you. Choose the amount of piles you feel called to! To pick a pile don’t overthink it; choose the one that draws you in the most while thinking about the reading’s intent. Only take what resonates!

Love, Matcha ♡

☆ masterlist

✿ spring glow up & spring fashion 2025

1 ₊˚.༄

You’ve just been through an intense transformation, Bunny! A part of your ego died and you’ll be mourning this loss of a part of yourself this spring. You might feel a sense of disconnect towards the old you, sometimes making it hard to express gratitude to the universe regarding where you’re from. You’ll be fighting the urge to completely disconnect from that past self and you’ll try to instead embrace who you used to be with love. Your intuition knows that advancing with an open heart full of light and gratitude is what brings your manifestations to life. You can love your old self and new self at the same time.

This spring, you’ll develop your discernment of negative energy. You’ll sense people’s negative aura way before they’re able to meaningfully enter your life. This will be creating a safe space around you, making sure that you’re community is people who have your back and believe in your success. You can’t be friends with everybody and that’s okay. It’s more than okay, it’s beautiful, and it’s a testament to your new higher vibrational self. You’ll love this new energy around you and it’s going to give you so much motivation to start the things you’ve been meaning to, to create, to make bold career moves, to learn!

Follow your passion with grace and feminine energy. Be disciplined, focus on improving your skills and on making that money! Don’t fall for the false obstacles your ego is creating, step out of that need to control everything. You don’t need to do things traditionally, you should simply do them and be consistent in the way that works for you! You’ve been through a tough period in the past where your manifestations didn’t seem to bear any fruits, this time is gone and your spirit sees that you’re finally ready to experience financial success. So, if there’s anything career-wise you’ve been meaning to do, now is a great time to go for it. If you’ve been meaning to travel, right now would be a good time to check for tickets even if it’s this summer so you’re sure you have a good deal, or you should start putting money aside for the trip.

2, 333, 444, 5, rose quartz, pearls

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2 ⊹˚˖ ☆

You’re unique, you’re not like the rest of the pack, a lone wolf. It’ll be challenging this spring to sense belonging to the people around you. In the past, their opinion used to mean something to you. Your peers used to doubt your skills and qualities, your ambitions. So why should you even make a place for them in your life anymore? You’re free of their judgment. You’ve probably cut off some people in the past months and you’re manifesting significant others who think like you, that have a life view as special as yours. A sense of disconnect toward your community will be tainting your day-to-day.

Your mind is sharp, Bunny. You’re analytical intelligence is blooming, and maturing. After everything you’ve been through, you’ll still have the ability to remain grounded. Impressive! Your aura exudes authority. The ones with bad intentions won’t have the guts to mess with you. The ones that remain close to you will see you as a guide. You’ll give good advice and earn the respect of people around you. You’ll finally be confident in who you are. You’re not looking for the praise of others because you’re the only judge of your character that matters, and right now, you love yourself! You’re gaining clarity when it comes to your journey to success and you’re taking concrete action toward your goals!

Keep fearlessly protecting your peace. Give love to the people who care about you unconditionally. You’re right, you don’t need everybody on your side, but the real ones deserve the appreciation. Follow your passions and don’t stop yourself from being a bit impulsive from time to time. Go out! Have fun! Keep seeing the potential you have and notice the potential of those around you. Collaboration may be coming later in your path so you don’t want to close yourself off too much. Be patient with others, especially if they’re ignorant. Don’t overwork yourself, make sure to practice self-care. Make an effort to regulate your emotions, and stop your anger spirals with positive affirmations, meditation or other healthy coping mechanisms. Be optimistic and creative! Do arts and crafts.

1, 3, 6, 9, wolf, tiger eye, blue agate

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3 ‧₊˚ ♡

You’ve been yearning for the arrival of spring, telling yourself that it’ll bring you everything you desire. You’ve had that feeling, that the manifestations are coming. There’s just one step missing. One last action you shall do to let all of it flow in. For some reason, you’ll feel a bit disconnected from your spiritual guides, which is not in your habits. You’re someone intuitive, however it seems like your angels want you to figure things out by yourself this time. They want you to realize that you’re the one who has the power and that your generous and caring energy is the key to your manifestations. It’ll be a challenge to recognize how much of a precious person you are. No, you’re not manipulating people into liking you. You’re just a good person. You can trust others, but most importantly you can trust yourself.

Someone is crushing on you and they’re preparing to make a bold move toward you. If it’s not romantic or friendly, it’s a job that absolutely wants you as an employee for a specific job. They’re yearning for your attention, you’re everything they’ve wished for and they’re willing to do grand gestures to get your attention. This will make you realize how desirable you are! It’ll strengthen your sense of self. We’ll see if you’re also into them, but it’ll for sure make you feel good about yourself. This person will remind you how smart, gorgeous and interesting you are. It’ll give you motivation!

Make sure to protect yourself. You’re so precious, Bunny. Make sure to take time to focus on your healing. Realize how much of a wonderful person you are, I would advise you to journal about the things about you you’re grateful for. If there are any flaws you have that impact your sense of self-worth, find the positive equivalent for it. For example, if you don’t like how emotional you are, realize how much of a compassionate person it makes you. Ask for help! Stop doing everything by yourself, you’re deserving of help. Prioritize yourself in your day-to-day, you don’t need to make everybody pleased with your decisions, it’s not your responsibility. Let yourself be passionate and sentimental. If you need to stay in and watch a romcom instead of being productive, go ahead! Go in places that intimidate you (like a fitness or art class, a cool bar, a protest etc) even if that means you’ll be discrete, at some point it’ll feel more comfortable.

111, 4, 8, peacock, deer, Archangel Raphael

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4 ₊˚. 𖤓

Internally, you’re sensing that big manifestations are coming for you soon. It’s overwhelming for you! It’s like you’ll be mourning your old life while still living it. You might isolate yourself and stay in your comfort bubble. The attention that comes with your success feels weird to you. You might also be reluctant to go party with your friends, you might not just be in a very social mood. You want to protect yourself from malevolent people. It’ll be challenging to let go of your winter lifestyle and start being more proactive. You’ll eventually get over those blockages pretty quickly though.

You’ll be following your deepest desires, Bunny! You do things with passion and authenticity. One day at a time, you’re progressing towards your goals. Even at the start of spring when you’ll have less motivation you’ll still be making some efforts. Things are flowing smoothly, you organize your time in a way that is not exhausting. You won’t overwork yourself but you still take the necessary steps. Way to go! The turtle versus the hare kind of vibe. You are motivated by a deep fiery sense of passion! You’re shining from your own authentic light! When you meet new people most of them will instantly like you this spring, they love how you don’t need anyone.

Continue shining bright. Don’t be scared to take leadership positions. Open your heart to others, forgive them for their shadows, and love them from afar even if you don’t want them in your life. Be the most authentically yourself you can show your unique qualities. Don’t pretend to be anyone you’re not, don’t lie about your needs and expectations. Be careful about leading people on, if you don’t want to hang out with someone find a way to say it politely don’t make them lose their time thinking you like them. Be willing to teach and help your peers. Keep informed about what’s going on around the world, understand how everybody has different privileges and be thankful about yours (if you’re reading this you’re privileged, even if you’re from a marginalized group!). Follow your intuition and don’t be so hard on yourself.

1, 222, 33, 5, red rose, lipstick, carnelian

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5 ⊹˚˖ ꩜

This spring, it can be challenging for you to focus on your manifestations and projects. You might be losing hope in the divine and it’s not encouraging you to pursue your spiritual practice or your craft. As your angels forgotten you? Will your blessings actually flow in? Those doubts are festering from your scattered mind. You might tend to prioritize more materialistic and superficial things. You’ll be tempted to spend money on things that won’t bring you long-term benefits. It’s also possible that you lend money to people and it takes them too long to give it back or they “forget”. You just want to feel good and to connect with others but sometimes you might have a misguided approach. Your need for romantic love and intimacy will be felt deeply.

People are so attracted to you, Bunny! You look so beautiful. The way you’ll be doing your makeup or styling yourself will truly be letting your inner beauty shine. Yup, looking gorgeous and expensive. Your peers want to spend more time with you and you’re attracting new friends. You’re attentive to other's needs and it makes them feel loved and heard. If you’ve had falling out with people, a lot of that is getting resolved. Others see you as an example of compassion and charisma. It won’t be difficult for you to find people with whom to hang out. This spring, you’ll receive unexpected help every time there’s a blockage! The areas of your life that have been especially complicated will get way better. There’s a masculine that is interested in you (romantic or platonic, leaning towards romantic for most) and they’re planning on entering your life, perhaps coming back into your life.

Spend time with friends and celebrate! Let your beauty shine and use your fast-paced creative mind for your projects! If you don’t have a specific project in mind, create one, because your mind is very fertile right now. It is time for you to sacrifice the negative people who don’t serve you to make more time for your closest friends and yourself. There’s something you know that you need to banish from your life but you’re procrastinating it… respect your intuition and follow its orders! I mean, you’ve been knowing how negative some coping mechanisms and people are for your development so just go ahead and cut it off! Be certain that every time you remove something negative from your life your positive self will attract something better instead. Understand that removing bad friends from your life is not making you disloyal, it’s making you loyal to yourself.

11, 3, 7, 8, hummingbird, owl, sacred heart

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6 ‧₊˚ ★

There’s someone from your past coming back and asking for your attention and to come back into your life. It may be a romantic ex or an ex-bff. They’re trying to lure you in by making you remember the beautiful memories you made together. Will you give them back their spot in your life? Do they fit in your journey? You’ll be reminiscing about the karmic lessons this person brought you but not letting them in before making your decision. It seems like they’re someone who is hindering your fulfillment… They could be very tempting but I feel like you’ll run away far away from them and they leave your life as fast as they’ve returned. This whole thing will make you reconnect with your past in an uncomfortable and vulnerable way.

You might be a spring baby, Bunny or you’ll embody the qualities of spring. There’s a level up in your career, you might be getting a new job that pays better, a very good internship or you’re graduating. You’re saying bye to something and it feels good, it’s not bittersweet at all! You are more connected to your higher self and the divine than you’ve ever been! Your third eye and crown chakra are healed. You’re stepping up and working on things you had been procrastinating in the past. It’s mostly about practical stuff, like painting your room the colour you’ve been wanting it to be for a while or fixing your favourite coat’s buttons. Also, people feel intuitively drawn to you and compliment you because of your captivating spiritual aura.

Keep doing the things that feed your soul. Work hard, with love. Be of service to your community. Do things for the highest good instead of your own sake. Accept your flaws and accept that mistakes are inevitable. Understand that you have full control over your life and that you do not have to let anybody in if you don’t want to. Express your gratitude to the ones around you, not only your gratitude towards them, talk about the things you’re grateful about in general. Be confident in taking career moves, you’ll be especially lucky concerning that aspect. In times of doubt, meditate on your heart’s deepest desires. Speak up about your opinion and talk to new people!

1, 12, 14, 9, amazonite, bee

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7 ₊˚. ✿

You have everything you need to get to where you want to go but your fear of being an outcast is hindering your journey towards your full potential. You are idealizing people thinking others had it easier and that they were good at things naturally. You might be scared to be a beginner at something because you feel like you should instantly be good at it for it to be worth it. This spring you might be learning something new and it’s hard on your ego. You also might be new in a group of friends or at your job and it’s annoying you to be the newbie. You might give too much value to appearances and trends at the moment. There’s a lot of mystery ahead for you and it can be overwhelming at times, so I see you focusing on material earthy things to ground yourself.

You’ll be very attractive this spring, you’ll stand out from your peers when it comes to appearances. The way you style yourself is flamboyant, your hair is shiny. Heads are turning, Bunny! You glowed up and you feel good in your new skin. Recently, you’ve cut off jealous people and this spring you won’t be paying them any mind. They’re not taking any of your energy and it feels good. You genuinely don’t care about the people that wish you ill and it’s refreshing. You’re done lying to yourself about relationships, you spot the red flags and leave as soon as you do. If you’ve been working with Aphrodite, those blessings are from her.

This spring you should focus on being especially observant of your surroundings. You might hear things that will bring you to have an idea that could change your life and be very well-received! Meditate. Stand still. Contemplate your mind and let go of limiting beliefs. Aspire to be in the spotlight! Visualize your manifestations. Things are going to go fast for you this summer so spring is the time to mourn your old life before you step up in the star energy!

1111, 22, 3, 5, air, birds, Aries, phoenix, fairies

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8 ⊹˚˖ ☾

You’ll feel a burning passion and drive that will be hard to restrain. You had enough of winter’s slow energy and now you’ll be restless. This intensity is making you impulsive and it’ll be challenging to calm down and assess all the pieces of information before taking bold action. When you’re not careful, your actions are going to bring the opposite of what you wanted to manifest. You might occasionally attract people that you don’t actually like because the image you’re accidentally projecting is not really you, it’s a hyper and agitated version of you. Your confidence is a beautiful quality, don’t get me wrong Bunny but this spring it could occasionally be misplaced. Those are old patterns that you’ll grow out of.

This spring you are exuding confidence and power, Bunny! You’ll receive a lot of spiritual downloads due to your openness. You’ll have some fun adventures this spring, you might go to cool DJ sets, do nature activities or travel. Even experiences that can be considered stressful and negative will be fun to you because of your mindset! For Example, if you’re in customer service and an ignorant client starts screaming at you for no reason you’ll be thinking about how funny that interaction is. You’ll meet a lot of interesting people and they will see you as someone loyal and loving that they would want to be friends with. Some of your peers may idolize you and people are crushing on you. You may get random date invites at night. Your community is hyping you up! You’ll have a good work-life balance and in general, your projects are flourishing because of the amount of care and dedication you put into them.

You have some unhealed trauma you need to address as soon as possible. Wounds from your childhood created a negative self-concept voice in your head that is urging you to always do more and more urgently. Be more gentle and loving towards yourself. Try to focus on things in a most global sense, you’re too fixated on your next step, take time to appreciate everything you’ve accomplished. Think about how much your inner child is proud of you. Spend time with kids if possible to help heal those childhood wounds. Be careful about being too judgmental of yourself and others. Live in the moment instead, don’t obsess with the future. Recognize what things your heart truly wants versus the things you feel like you should have. Meditate about your values. Practice self-care, if you have the means give yourself a gift of something you’ve been truly wanting for a long time and that is going to be worth it in the long run.

10, 5, 6, tiger, lily flower, pyrite

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9 ‧₊˚ ✸

You feel like the work you’re doing doesn’t really matter. You have no hope in the system and you’re starting to feel like humanity is doomed. I see that the current political state of the world might be difficult for you, Bunny. It’s impacting your mental health, you wish you could do something useful for your community, and for the earth in general. You’re being hard on yourself for things that are totally out of your control. You’re trying your best to remain faithful in spirit but it’s a tough time for you and the world. You’re trying to find balance when it comes to updating yourself on world news since it impacts your everyday mood this much.

You’re letting go of a more naive side of yourself. You’ve seen a lot and been through a lot so now you see through lies easily. You’ve survived so many tough times and it helped you become stronger. Now you have the discernment to evaluate in which moments it’s worth it to be vulnerable with people. You’re getting your good karma, things that have been taken from you will come back in an upgraded form. The ones that did you dirty will be dealt with by the universe. You’ll have unexpected deep and interesting conversations with strangers. Because of your ethics, you sometimes felt like you weren’t getting as much as the people who were willing to do unethical things. This spring, you’ll realize that nice guys don’t finish last. There might be a relationship in your life that is cleansing and healing for you, someone that makes you feel like you’re not bearing the whole world on your shoulders. If you don’t have someone like that in your life at the moment, they’ll come into your life this spring.

Make sure to directly thank the people who help you in your day-to-day. Start new projects where you hold the leadership position. Don’t shy away from giving compliments and gifts to your significant other. Have faith in the people around you. Invest in your relationships. Help others. Try collaborating on projects with others instead of doing it all by yourself, even if you would be capable of doing it alone! Do not force yourself to fit into the gender construct. Break the rules if they’re not for the highest good (as long as it’s safe), even if you’re the one that determined those restrictions for yourself. Write all of your creative ideas, they’ll bring abundance in the future, you’ll come up with an idea that could make you rich in the long term.

2, 4, 888, unicorn, pomegranate, howlite

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decks used for this reading : Animaux totems by Else Oreve & Pricilla Moore, oracle of heaven and hell by Travis McHenry, mystical wisdom by Gaye Guthrie, l’oracle du chemin spirituel by Valérie Defour & Valérie Saussez, les vampires oracle by Lucy Cavendish, fairy tarot cards by Radleigh Valentine

★ photo credits go to their rightful owner ★

[johanna-517]

"Special and unique"

(CHAPTER 7)

A few months passed, your life in the mansion remained as empty as ever.

You still had no interaction with Bruce, you never spoke with him, and of course, it was the same with your brothers; they never sought you out, and you never sought them out.

You always used to see them all together from afar, talking, smiling, and laughing like a happy family. And you weren't part of that happy family, of course.

Every time they saw you, everyone would instantly look away. One thing that remained unchanged during these months was undoubtedly everyone's indifference toward you.

None of them ever apologized for what they did to you in the past, none of them cared about you, probably none of them were aware of you yet, probably even they already forgot what they did to you, the way they treated you, the pain they caused you... They forgot and left it behind, as if it didn't matter, as if it had never happened.

But you... You still haven't forgotten. You'll never forget what they did to you, ever. You refuse to forget the suffering each and every one of them caused you.

Even if you act indifferent to them now, it doesn't mean you don't hate them, because you really do.

You stayed in your room most of the time, locked between those four walls as if they were your safe place. They weren't, of course they weren't, since you definitely still hated this room. But you had no choice; it was best to stay here alone with Toti. This was better than walking around the mansion and running into one of your siblings outside. Because, you had to learn this the hard way, but you finally understood... No matter what, any interaction with them would go horribly wrong, and everything would be ruined even more instead of improved.

However, unfortunately for you... you finally had to start attending school. Because when you arrived, you still didn't speak English very well and were still depressed about your mother, Alfred allowed you to stay at the mansion for a few months without attending school, only until you were ready.

You still remember the day Alfred walked into your room, leaving your school's fancy new uniform for you on your bed. You asked him what it was and tried not to grimace when he told you you'd now be attending a school in Gotham.

You definitely didn't want to, you didn't feel like going, studying at a huge school, and being surrounded by rich and privileged kids almost wanted to make you scream in frustration.

But you also knew you couldn't refuse, education is necessary, and no matter how much you want to, you can't avoid going to school forever.

Your first day... It was an unpleasant day for you, to tell the truth. Alfred led you to the school gates, smiling at you, seeming happy to be taking you to your first day of classes in Gotham. While you... You were almost dizzy seeing such a huge school, with students of similar ages to yours everywhere.

You found it awkward to be in a large classroom filled with so many students, you sat alone at the back, not wanting to draw anyone's attention on your first day. However, as soon as the teacher introduced you as (y/n) Wayne, all the glances you were trying to avoid instantly turned to you.

The students whispered among themselves, wondering if you really were Bruce Wayne's daughter.

The simple fact of having that last name made several of your classmates want to get close to you, pretending to be kind and wanting to be your friend simply because of your last name.

But you knew, you saw through their fake kindness instantly, so you just looked away and ignored them.

This... It was definitely very different from your old school. When you went to school in Mexico, it was better. You enjoyed attending that small but colorful school. You got along with all your classmates. The teachers adored you. You always found it easy to get very good grades. You never felt bad there. Everything was peaceful and happy in that small school. You loved going there. Every day there was as amazing as the last.

But now... You're no longer in Mexico, you're no longer at that small, colorful school you loved so much, now you're in Gotham, at a new school that you definitely don't like. But there's nothing you can do about it... You just have to get used to this and accept it, even if you don't want to.

Your first few weeks at Gotham High School were boring and unpleasant. You were always distracted, never paying attention in class, which is why your teachers scolded you regularly. You always stood apart from the rest of the students, with no interest in making friends.

It's okay, you're not surprised that you don't get along with them. Even more so because you know they don't actually like you, because of your eye color. You definitely noticed the way they stared at your eyes, the way they murmured to each other about your strange, weird eye color whenever they saw you. You even noticed the grimaces of disgust some of the teachers made when you stared at them, as if they didn't like seeing your strange eyes fixed on them.

But, the real nightmare at school soon began... And his name was Noah.

He was a student just a year older than you, quite conceited and self-centered, the son of the owner of one of Gotham's largest hospitals, and... He started getting too close to you, harassing and teasing you as much as he could. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't make mocking comments about your eye color, your poor grades, and basically criticize absolutely everything about you.

You tried to ignore him, but he wouldn't let you, going to extremes that were impossible for you to ignore.

Remember when, one day at dismissal time, you had to stay in your classroom alone for a while longer because you were the only one who didn't finish the activity the teacher assigned today. As punishment, your teacher decided to leave you there until you finished.

However... You noticed Noah enter the room with his friends, and they closed the door. At that moment... Noah took advantage, this time starting to physically attack you. First, he pushed you, and when you fell to the floor, he started kicking you hard while his friends just laughed.

That time you returned to the mansion covered in bruises, Alfred asked you what happened, but you were in so much pain that you simply decided not to say anything and go to your room.

Another time, Noah threw a bucket of dirty water on you, claiming it was an accident. The teachers let it go and ignored the situation.

Plus, Noah used to pull your hair hard whenever no one was looking. He also used to hide your notebooks and homework, just so the teachers would scold you for it.

He once caught you with his friends, and without hesitation, they started using their pens and markers to scratch your face and clothes. You still remember how difficult it was to get the ink out of your face that time.

Another time, Noah even tried to put gum in your hair, and by sheer luck, you managed to avoid it. Not knowing that that wasn't actually the worst thing Noah could do.

The next day at school... Without saying anything, Noah pulled you by the arm and dragged you toward a small storage room in one of the hallways, where no one would be able to see you. You tried to resist, but you couldn't stop him from pulling you into the storage room.

He hit you, leaving countless bruises on your skin again, he also cut your arms a little using scissors, leaving thin lines of blood on your skin.

When he finished he just walked away, leaving you there alone.

You were shaking, tears streaming down your cheeks, your eyes wide open in complete shock as you took in all the marks on your skin. This time, he hit you harder, so the bruises were going to last longer than last time.

You stand there for a while, staring into space as you try to ignore the intense pain that runs through your body.

"It hurts... It hurts so much," you mumbled softly, trying to stop your hands from shaking. It's not fair, you have to suffer and go through this when you haven't done anything wrong.

Your mom used to say that... You always had to behave and be kind to others, that if you were good, no one would have a reason to hurt you. But that was a lie... Because, even though you never did anything wrong, all you get no matter what is contempt.

Everything in Gotham is suffering for you. Whether you're at the mansion or at school, it seems like you can never stop suffering.

'Why me?' you asked yourself, wondering what you did to deserve being hurt by everyone.

Shaking slightly, you got up as best you could, trying to avoid thinking about the burning and pain caused by all those wounds on your skin.

You were wearing a long-sleeved sweater to hide your injuries as you walked out of school, and Alfred picked you up. He asked how your day went. You gave a short answer, and that was it, without giving any further details or telling Alfred what happened.

When you arrived at the mansion, you quickly headed to your room and stayed locked there for the rest of the day.

You were wondering what you should do... You wanted to deny it, but deep down, you knew you were afraid Noah would keep hurting you. He didn't just insult you; his harassment went so far as to even physically hurt you, and that was too much.

You were scared... Scared of him, scared that Noah's bullying would get much worse later, you couldn't take it anymore.

You think and think... Should you tell Alfred so he can find a way to help you? Maybe. But... You heard that Noah's father was close friends with the school principal, so it won't be easy to get the principal to listen to your situation and expel Noah.

Then, at that moment, an idea crosses your mind... What if you tell Bruce? If you find him and tell him what's going on, he might go personally to speak to the director. Then, the director wouldn't be able to directly ignore the prestigious Bruce Wayne, and he'd finally do something about the harassment you've received from Noah.

You know Bruce is your best option, yet... You hesitate for a moment, you literally haven't spoken to him in months, you just saw him from afar every now and then, but you never tried to find him or get close to him again, and of course, he never approached you either.

You promised yourself you'd never go after him again, that you'd never ask him for anything at all, but this is a big deal. So, even if you don't really want to do it... You have to if you really want Noah's bullying to finally stop.

So, that day you waited until it was dinner time, since Alfred told you Bruce would arrive around that time and be here for dinner with the others. Even Jason and Dick would be here for dinner.

It was one of those rare occasions when everyone gathered for dinner at Wayne Manor.

In fact, you never participated in these 'family moments,' you never wanted to, even though Alfred told you to join in and attend. However, you will participate in this dinner, simply to talk about it with Bruce.

If you bring it up during family dinner, Bruce won't be able to ignore you, right? It's simple: just go to family dinner, bring up the subject, and ask Bruce to do something about it. Everything will be fine, right?

That's what you try to tell yourself, trying to calm down a little while you comb your own hair, just a few minutes until you get down to the dining room.

"I can do this, I can do this," you repeat to yourself with determination. When you're finally finished getting ready, you walk over and give your beloved Toti a small kiss before placing him on the bed and finally walking toward the door, leaving the room.

You were wearing a long-sleeved black blouse, of course, to hide the recent injuries Noah inflicted on you. You haven't even told Alfred about them until now.

You walk slowly, trying to ignore the growing feeling of nerves and anxiety in your chest.

Finally, you reach the dining room. And you see them all there together. You almost flinch when they all turn to stare at you, not expecting your presence, since you didn't usually attend family dinners. Or maybe they were just surprised to see you here right now because they forgot you existed, right?

You sigh softly as you approach the large table. Alfred smiles at your arrival and guides you to your place at the table. Unfortunately for you, Tim was sitting on your right and Stephanie was sitting on your left.

You didn't like it... You didn't like being here, near them. But you have to endure the unpleasant feeling of discomfort, just for now, just because this time it's about something important and this is your only option.

You stare at the plate of food in front of you. Alfred's meal looked as amazing as ever, but for some reason, no one felt like eating right now, not even you. Maybe it's because of the tense atmosphere at this so-called 'family dinner.'

Okay, never mind. You didn't really come to spend quality time with your so-called family, and you didn't come to eat either. Your goal was simple: talk to Bruce and ask him to come to your school to speak with your principal so your classmate would stop bothering you.

"Father..." you began, definitely feeling like fainting just from having to call Bruce that, but you'll have to bear with it just this once. "I... Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something. The thing is... I'm having some trouble un the school, and I was hoping-"

At that moment, you were interrupted by Stephanie's laughter, when you turned to see her she simply looked away, trying to hide her laughter.

Just then, Jason spoke up. "Oh, the weird little girl is having trouble at school... What's wrong? Is it because no one wants to be your friend?" he asked, a smirk on his lips.

"If you have a problem with that or your grades, it has nothing to do with Bruce. Do you expect him to fix your bad grades or the fact that no one wants to be your friend?" Tim spoke up, frowning slightly as he looked at you. How dare you try to ask Bruce to fix your trivial school problems?

You remain silent for a moment, looking down. They... They didn't even let you finish speaking. They don't know what you're going through at school, they don't know the countless bruises and wounds you have thanks to one of your classmates.

"I-it's not because of that... I just wanted to-" before you could continue speaking, you are interrupted, this time it's Bruce who intervenes.

"If you have any problems with school you can tell Alfred, I'm busy and I don't think I can go to your school" he stated with a serious expression, without even looking at you.

The damned indifference in his voice was evident to you... Did he really not have time for you? Couldn't he care even a little about you, at least this once? You're his daughter. But... No one here seems to hear you. No one knows the seriousness of what you're going through, no one can understand you. No one even tries to understand you.

You grit your teeth, clearly annoyed. You've literally been beaten and bullied at school, and you... You don't even have a father who can defend you? Okay, that's to be expected. Bruce hasn't saved you even once so far. Why did you think this time would be different?

You wanted to scream, you wanted to argue and tell Bruce you wanted his help because it was a serious situation. But then... The cold indifference in the air reminds you it's not worth it.

"Okay, I understand. I think I lost my appetite, I'm going to quit now," you said, getting up from your spot and starting to leave.

It doesn't make sense, right? No matter what, they still don't care about you one bit.

You reached your room, took slow steps, and approached one of the pieces of furniture, taking out a small photograph of your mother. You sat on the bed, holding the photo of your mother against your chest.

"Mom... Someone's been bullying me at school. He hits me, he makes fun of me, and he harasses me every day... I don't like it, I can't stand it anymore. So, I tried to ask my dad for help, but he... He doesn't have time." You stated softly, looking up at the ceiling of your room.

"And... my brothers didn't listen to me either. Tim said I shouldn't bother my dad with that stuff, Stephanie made fun of me, and Jason called me weird again." You let out a small sigh, ignoring the familiar way your eyes watered with tears.

"But Mom... I really can't take it anymore. I can't, I don't want to put up with this anymore. But not even Dad listens to me." You sobbed, tears of despair rolling down your cheeks.

"Si papá no me escucha... Tú si lo harás, ¿verdad madre? Te lo suplico mamá... Por favor, aleja a Noah de mí, para que ya no me haga más daño, por favor" You pleaded, holding the small photo of your mother tightly. Surely she'll listen, won't she? Your mother loves you; she can always protect you, even now.

That night you cried yourself to sleep, holding Toti along with the image of your mother next to you.

And then... When you had to go back to school, you were completely nervous, wondering how Noah was going to bother you today. But... You heard other students talking, and then you found out... You found out he and his family had recently moved to another country. You almost wanted to cry with joy when you heard it.

Noah's no longer here, your main concern is gone. You don't need to fear him now, he's gone and no longer around to hurt you. Not anymore.

Your mother did listen to you, didn't she? Of course she would. She loves you, she'll always love you.

You almost laugh when you remember trying to ask Bruce for help. When in reality, you never needed it; you just needed to turn to your real family: your mom. She listened, and you know it. Even if Mom isn't here, she still listens to you somehow, right?

Of course you did, you knew it, Mom would never abandon you, she would never be indifferent to you like Bruce.

From that day on, you felt calmer and happier. You didn't care at all about the mocking comments from your classmates or the constant scolding you received almost daily from the teachers. The only thing that mattered was that you no longer had to worry about Noah, because he wasn't here. He was gone, and now you're fine.

While at the mansion, Alfred asked you what had you in such a good mood, you simply smiled and replied, "It's because Mom helped me. I'm happy about that."

Alfred felt a little confused by what you said, but he didn't question anything else, instead he was just glad to see you so cheerful.

Now, more than a year has passed. It really surprises you a little how time has flown; you were already ten years old.

What's changed since then? Well, probably not much.

You were still not close to Bruce; he never even had time to say a word to you. And let's not even talk about your siblings; you still had a bad relationship with each of them.

Luckily, you hadn't had any major problems with any of them yet, because during this period you had made an effort to avoid them all in the first place. Avoiding each one of them meant avoiding problems with them. So it was perfect.

And it really worked for you, too. They were so caught up in their own personal lives and their vigilante identities that they never sought you out. You went completely unnoticed by them during this time.

You also had a few hobbies that helped you pass the time when you were bored in your room. You loved to draw, and your drawing technique improved over the months. You regularly drew certain types of flowers, landscapes, animals, and sometimes you even tried drawing portraits of your mother.

Another thing you did was crafts. You found making paper flowers very fun and relaxing; you loved experimenting with different materials and creating different things. So, your room, which you'd previously considered empty and depressing, slowly became warmer to you.

On your walls hung some of the colorful drawings you'd made yourself. All the crafts you'd made up until then also adorned your room.

Now, you felt more comfortable here, and you were always happy to add another new decoration related to yourself to your room.

And of course, you still kept in touch with your aunt and cousins. You used to call them twice a week. It really kept you calm and happy whenever you spoke to them, because it meant they still cared about you. That you were still important to them.

You loved when Erick told you he missed watching movies with you.

You smiled with joy when Abel told you that he missed playing with you in the yard.

And most of all, your heart felt warm when your aunt told you how much she missed you and that she hoped to see you again soon. She told you to take care of yourself and to tell her if you had any problems.

Although, you never told her, you couldn't tell your aunt that you were practically completely ignored by this family, even by your father.

You didn't want to tell her how much you suffered at first because of your father and brothers' attitude. Because you didn't want to worry her.

Anyway, you know she must have her own problems, you didn't want to burden her with yours.

Besides, right now your life at Wayne Manor was relatively peaceful, so everything was fine for now.

Oh at least it was until today.

You were definitely quite surprised as soon as you heard it. Alfred told you that a new member of the family would be joining today: Damian Wayne. He was also Bruce's biological son, your new brother, and he was about the same age as you.

You shuddered slightly, unsure what to make of it. You didn't know whether the news should excite you or worry you.

Well, when you were little, you always used to tell your mom you wanted a brother. You wanted a blood brother, one you could be close to, one you could spend a lot of time with. At the time, you were never going to have one, and you truly believed you'd never have a blood brother, but fate has shown you that you will finally have the blood brother you dreamed of when you were little.

But... Something makes you doubt. Because, even if Damian is your blood brother, that doesn't guarantee that he won't really ignore you like the others, right?

You didn't know what to expect, but you knew that no matter what, you had to accept it because, like it or not, he'd start living here too. And he's part of the family, too.

Finally... You met him. You stared at him for a moment, noticing the pretty green in his eyes. You'd say he was pretty, but Damian ruined your thoughts as soon as he started insulting you.

He started complaining about how weak you looked, the strange color of your eyes, and basically everything about you. You were almost shocked to see that he seemed to literally ooze hatred even though he was your age.

And... Damian didn't just lunge at you because Alfred was there to stop him.

You didn't even stay long, you just decided to go back to your room, not wanting to hear any more of your new brother's insults.

You downplayed it, as it wasn't surprising to you that you weren't getting along with your brother. And you assumed everything would be fine as long as you avoided Damian as much as possible, to avoid unwanted encounters. That way, you wouldn't have any problems with him.

But how wrong you were...

Even if you wanted to, you just couldn't avoid him completely, not when you literally started going to school with him. You're both close in age, so of course when he started your school, he was also in your grade, and you even had several classes together.

It was so awkward having to ride with him in the same car as Alfred drove them to school, it was annoying having to deal with his constant comments about how inferior you are, listing each of your flaws as if he actually knew you that well in the first place.

You tried to ignore him, you really did. You tried to ignore his insults about your eye color, ignore his blatant contempt for you, ignore the way he tried to lunge at you like a wild animal. You tried to ignore the way he treated you with contempt even at school, while the other students watched and laughed at you, amused by how pathetic you were to be publicly humiliated by your own brother.

You were irritated, and you definitely wanted to yell at him, insult him back, and hit him too. But you couldn't do it. Especially considering Damian was a genius with swords, a prodigy expert in attacking and fighting. You knew that if you tried, he'd defeat you in seconds. So you quickly pushed the idea aside, not wanting to take any chances.

Okay, you can tolerate it, you can still try to tolerate it a little longer, right?

A few months after Damian's arrival, there was another family dinner. You didn't want to attend, remembering the tense atmosphere of the last family dinner you attended, but this time, Alfred managed to convince you.

You don't know how he convinced you. Maybe it was because he seems to genuinely want you to get along with others and spend time with them, too. Because they're supposed to be your family, after all.

You can't tell Alfred how much you hated them, not when he's been so good at looking after you all this time. So, you agreed to attend, only because he asked you to.

You finished getting ready, putting on a short-sleeved blue dress. You look in the mirror, studying your arms for a moment.

You don't even have a single scar left from the wounds Noah inflicted on you before. You truly swore some would leave at least a small, lasting scar, but it seems you were wrong.

It's a little strange how perfect your skin is, how your body managed to make all the wounds you've had disappear without leaving even a small mark.

You shake your head slightly. You don't need to worry about that now, it's not the time. Rather, right now is the time to think about how to survive this family dinner.

"Esperame aquí, Toti... Volveré pronto". You say goodbye to your precious teddy bear, giving it a little kiss before placing it on the bed and finally leaving the room.

As soon as you get to the dining room, you see everyone already there. You notice Jason bothering Damian a bit, Bruce talking to Dick, Tim talking to Stephanie, and Cassandra looking calm in her seat.

Wow, they really do look like a real family together... without you.

You walk over to the table, and as soon as everyone sees you, they fall silent, staring at you.

Gosh... You just remembered how much you hate it when everyone looks at you at the same time. It's so awkward and annoying.

You maintain a calm expression as you choose to sit in the chair furthest away from the others. You're definitely mentally grateful that the dining room is extraordinarily large and you can get a spot away from the others.

After all, this time your only condition for coming to dinner was that you could sit wherever you wanted, and Alfred agreed.

You still remember how awkward it was last time you had to sit next to Tim and Stephanie. So, this time you're not going to take any chances; you'll keep the necessary distance.

You remain silent, looking anywhere but at anyone at the table.

Your plan to survive this dinner was as follows: remain unnoticed, don't speak, don't look at anyone, and leave as soon as you finished eating. Simple, right?

But your plans are ruined as soon as Damian gets up from his place, going to sit right next to you.

When you look at him, you notice the mischievous smile on his face. He's doing it on purpose, isn't he?

And then, he opens his mouth... Starting to try to annoy you again.

"Why do you sit so far away from the others? It's because you're a weirdo who likes to be away, right? Well, it's understandable to want to stay away from others by having eyes strangers like yours..." Damian stated in a dismissive tone, speaking confidently as if he were right.

You stay silent, not even looking at him, trying to ignore him. This obviously angers Damian greatly, not liking the fact that you ignore him as if he weren't even there.

"Even if I'm nice enough to come here and talk to you, you just ignore me. That's very rude. Didn't your mother raise you well? Well, she probably didn't, because she's already dead anyway..."

Instantly, you freeze, your hands clenching at Damian's words. How dare he mention your mother? He has no right.

Your expression tightens as you stare at him, trying to resist the urge to hit him.

"Well, at least... My mother is dead and that's why I'm here, because I can't be with her, but she would never have left me here if she were still alive. Not like you, who were too annoying even for your mother and that's why she abandoned you here and she left, because she doesn't love you" you answered with a cruel tone while you looked away.

It was the first time you'd responded this way to one of Damian's comments, but this time he really went too far with what he said. You couldn't stay silent. You wouldn't let him continue to talk carelessly about you. Much less dare he even mention your precious mother.

After you said that, Damian's expression darkened, he definitely didn't like what you said, and instantly... He lunged at you to attack you.

In just a few seconds I throw you from the chair to the floor, starting to try to hit you.

He manages to land a direct punch to your face, almost making you want to cry in pain. Gosh, he's definitely strong...

Luckily, before he can attack you further, the others finally act and take him off you. Dick manages to separate Damian from you.

You slowly stand up, bringing one of your own hands to lightly touch the area of your face that Damian hit.

Did it hurt? He definitely hit harder than you imagined. It was impossible for it not to hurt. In fact, you're thankful that he didn't have one of his swords nearby at that moment, because otherwise, this could have ended worse.

Do you regret it? Of course not. He was the one who started it; he asked for it by talking about your mother, and you don't regret saying what you said to him.

At that moment, Bruce approaches you, and... You don't like the serious, disapproving expression he has on his face.

"You shouldn't have spoken to Damian like that," he said, in his usual authoritarian tone.

You roll your eyes at his scolding, really... You haven't spoken to him in a while, and he only speaks to you to scold you for responding to Damian? It's not fair.

To be honest, when Damian first arrived you really wondered if he would be ignored by this family just like you.

And to your unpleasant surprise... It seemed more like he'd always belonged here. You tried to ignore the ache in your chest when you saw that Damian was so easily accepted by everyone, while you... They didn't even look at you when you arrived.

Even though Damian had a difficult attitude, he received support from everyone, even Bruce. And that's okay, because Damian is his son, but... You're also his daughter, and he was never good to you.

You didn't know if it was jealousy or just plain disappointment you felt when Damian arrived. Gosh, even Dick was so understanding and nice to Damian, and most of all, he actually gave Damian some time. Unlike you, who just made false promises and never followed through, never once seeking you out to spend time with you. You're also his little sister... So why does he only seem to notice Damian and not you?

You arrived first, and yet you still got nothing from this family. Damian arrived after you, with a haughty attitude, and yet everyone accepted and included him.

But that's okay, you don't need them, not now... So, not wanting to stay and listen to Bruce and Dick rant about how cruel your comment to Damian was, you decide to leave, quickly turning around and walking away.

Before you leave, you clearly hear Tim muttering behind you. You heard him clearly call you 'immature.'

From his perspective, you're probably just a rude little girl running away to avoid the scolding you deserve, aren't you? Well, he can think whatever he wants.

The fact that Bruce never chases you is great in situations like this, because you can just walk away without him claiming you and that's perfect.

You return to your room, reminding yourself not to attend any family dinners from now on.

You hug Toti and fall into bed. Once again, your encounters with your family continue to end badly, but honestly, it doesn't surprise or affect you like it used to.

So, you finally start sleeping peacefully... Without expecting what would happen the next day.

❦: (Here is the chapter, sorry for the delay, I hope you liked it, and thanks for the support♡).

✯/Tag list: @hopingtoclearmedschool @simpingpandas @ryuushou @ninihrtss @soulsire @artistwithcreativeburnout @the-dumber-scaramouche @khalinda-ev @sillysealsies @moon0goddess @bunniotomia @twismare

[hermitadaymay]

WELCOME TO HERMIT-A-DAY MAY 2024!

I'm thrilled to bring this challenge to you all for the second year in a row! Hermit-a-Day May is a challenge inspired by Hermitober, but with a twist: instead of theme prompts, we focus on a specific Hermit every day!

THE RULES: 1. Any type of fanwork is welcome so long as it features, or is otherwise inspired by, the Hermit of the day. 2. Tag #hermitaday to have your fanwork reblogged, or submit it directly to the blog (Please note that while I recognize the value of fanworks involving more mature themes, and they can certainly count toward challenge completion if you're keeping track for yourself, content on this blog will be kept "PG-13" so that all may enjoy.). 3. Fanworks for one Hermit posted after the day rolls over to another Hermit's day (per the US Central time zone) will be reblogged in a big queue in June. 4. I am not interested in seeing captions or tags in which you disparage your art/skills. We're all improving all the time. Be kind to yourselves.

WHY SHOULD I PARTICIPATE? To show love to every Hermit, from the most to least subscribed, from those who have been on the server from day one to those who only joined this season! And because challenges are fun! And because, this year, there's an extra dimension to the event: a fundraiser for Gamers Outreach, featuring art incentives by @rendiggitydog and @belmarzi.

GRAND TOTAL INCENTIVE: For every $150 we raise for Gamers Outreach, belmarzi will make 10 seconds' worth of animatic, featuring as many Hermits as she can fit into the time frame.

INDIVIDUAL DONATION INCENTIVE: For every $50 (formerly $65 - changed 5/3) you personally donate to the fundraiser during the month of May, Rae rendiggitydog will draw you a shaded flats commission of a Hermit of your choice.

WHO’S RUNNING THIS? Hi! My name is Luna! You can use she/her, he/him, ze/hir, or ro/ros/roseself pronouns for me. My main blog is @as-if-unreal. Yep, before you ask, it really is just me, but to be fair I've had a lot of help.

BONUS SUNDAY PROMPTS EXPLAINED UNDER THE CUT

TFC - May 5th While he may no longer be with us physically, TFC left behind him a legacy of quiet care and good humor, and Hermitcraft would not have been the same without him.

FRIENDS OF HERMITCRAFT - May 12th There are plenty of shows, podcasts, competitions, other servers, and more woven into the internet ecosystem around Hermitcraft, and plenty more people involved in them: just as a small number of examples, Season 9's Rift opened up to a whole server of Emperor friends, and there are always allies to be made in MCC and enemies to be made in the Life Series. Today is for celebrating all of those who, while they may not be Hermits themselves, exist and entertain in proximity to them.

FAVORITE "ALT" HERMIT - May 19th HoTGuY and Poultry-Man. Helsknight and Evil Xisuma. Renbob and - look, you get the idea. This server is full of theater kids ready to toss on an alternate skin and play into a brand new character at the drop of a hat. Who's your favorite?

GROUPS AND COLLABS - May 26th This month is all about one Hermit a day... but what we really love is when they interact with each other. What does your favorite duo or group of Hermits get up to together?

[prettieinpink]

HOW TO BEGIN HEALING

ACKNOWLEDGE THE PAIN AND DAMAGE. Others will try frequently to avoid these feelings and the thought that they’re hurt or hurting. However, it is a massive roadblock to starting your journey. 

You have to truly confront yourself. Journal, vent to someone, draw or however you feel is best to truly express how you feel, you do. 

EXTRACT TRIGGERS. Don’t let your physical environment encourage triggers that resurface your hurt self or continue to hurt you. E.g. friends, social media, family, bad habits etc. 

DAILY REFLECTION. You have to start to confront your feelings and experiences, but I know, it’s scary and we don’t want to revisit bad times. Please try to do some self-reflection daily about personal feelings and experiences, as it gets easier when it’s so frequent. 

ESTABLISH ORDER & ROUTINES. Start putting in good habits in your life and slowly improve your mental and physical well-being. Healing is going to be all over the place and messy. So when we have a routine to fall back on when needed, it just makes us feel better. 

ACTUAL SELF-CARE. Everything showers and face masks are nice and all, but they are not the only aspects of self-care. Self-care is doing the things that are good for you, disregarding how you currently feel. E.g. cooking and eating a healthy breakfast instead of eating takeout. 

BE PATIENT AND PERSISTENT. Healing is going to be hard regardless of what hurt you. There will be days when you feel like giving up. However, I encourage you to fight those feelings of hopelessness and continue. 

REMOVE SHAME FROM YOUR MIND. Another roadblock, it limits you from all the help and lessons you get in life. It isolates you, from everybody else who does care about you and wants to help. Asking for anything is not embarrassing. 

RECONNECT WITH YOURSELF. Start doing hobbies that you love, learning about things you’ve been curious about, and reading books on your favourite topics. Reconnection is so important because it brings emotional and mental prosperity. 

[yoursoulvisions]

Venus in Virgo

Venus in Virgo is the art of finding beauty in details, appreciating practicality, and building relationships based on mutual support and respect.

Worked-out Venus in Virgo

Natives with Venus in Virgo possess refined taste but avoid excesses. They are attracted to elegance in simplicity, natural materials, and harmony in details. Instead of flashy brands, they choose consciously and pay attention to quality. The feelings of Venus in Virgo are expressed not in loud words, but in care, support, and attention to small things. Natives know how to create coziness, organize daily life, and make things easier for their partner. This is love expressed in action. Natives don't rush headlong into relationships but carefully analyze a potential partner. This helps them avoid disappointment and build strong, conscious relationships. The desire for self-improvement is an important trait of Venus in Virgo. Individuals with this placement work on themselves, develop their skills, and strive to become better for themselves and their partner.

Unworked-out Venus in Virgo

Venus in Virgo, especially if it is afflicted by squares and oppositions to personal planets in the natal chart, can manifest as certain difficulties in a person's life. For example, the natives' striving for an ideal often turns into excessive criticality towards themselves as well as others. This creates internal tension and prevents them from fully enjoying life. The natives' desire to be useful and help others, so characteristic of Virgo, can transform into self-sacrifice, where their own needs are ignored for the sake of others. Striving for analysis and ordering, individuals with an afflicted Venus in Virgo can often suppress spontaneity and the natural expression of emotions. Another problem for natives is a deep-seated fear of not meeting expectations, of seeming not good enough, which stifles initiative and hinders the full unfolding of the personality's potential.

Working out Venus in Virgo

An unworked-out Venus in Virgo is not a verdict but an opportunity for growth and development.

Here are several ways to work out this placement:

🔹 Daily find 5-10 small things that bring you joy – be it the aroma of coffee, a sunbeam on the wall, or a well-chosen font in a book. Write them down in a gratitude journal/notes. This will help you see beauty in simple things and reduce the level of criticism.

🔹 Set aside time for creative activities where there is no place for rules and standards. Draw, dance, write poetry – do what allows you to express yourself freely and without limitations.

🔹 At least once a week, do something that goes beyond the limits of your comfort zone. Go to a concert by an unknown performer, try a new dish, talk to a stranger. This will help you develop flexibility and openness to new experiences.

🔹 Try to give a sincere compliment to yourself and/or someone else every day. This will help you see positive qualities in yourself and others, as well as develop skills in empathy and kindness.

🔹 Start small – stop striving for perfect order in your home, allow yourself small imperfections in your work. Remember that "good enough" is already good.

Don't be afraid of your criticality – direct it towards self-improvement, not destruction. And remember that you are worthy of love and happiness, despite your flaws, because everyone has them🤍✨

[thesilmarillionblog]

𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄

Click here for Series Masterlist.

Summary: In the hopes that things would improve between you, you choose to lose your virginity to your friend Dean Winchester because you have been in love with him madly for a long time. However, he doesn't feel the same about you.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x F!Reader

Warnings: +18 (MINORS DNI) smut, virgin reader!, unrequited love, heavy angst, reader gets hurt, kinda friends with benefits, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, fingering, language

Word Count: 7216

A/N: English is not my first language.

Song: 'WASTE' by Kxllswxtch

Dean's eyes narrowed as he treated your wounded hand; you smiled a little to yourself as he talked about how you sometimes behaved recklessly. If only he knew how much you cherished the moments when he protected you during a hunt.

You had been with him and Sam for a year now, and it was difficult to resist falling in love with him. You weren't sure when you fell in love with him, but you sensed it from the moment he smiled at you, or maybe in a random moment. Every time you glanced into his green eyes, you felt a sense of admiration. You had absolutely no complaints. 

He complained as he was working to treat your wound, “You must know, I will consider kicking you out of the team if you keep acting like that.”

It began to rain in your house's weak light. Your heart was filled with fright as he took care of your wound in your house, where you were alone, and it seemed so calm; you were afraid of losing that precious, fragile time with Dean, not of ghosts. You weren't afraid of ghosts. 

You asked naively, as if you had no idea what he was talking about, “Like what?” When he grabbed your hand too tightly unintentionally, and that sudden moment hurt you a bit, you attempted to draw it in toward yourself with a pained gasp. 

With a look of regret on his face, you looked at him with understanding. 

“When I tell you to get behind me, you must do what I say, or when I tell you to stop, you must stop.”

“Remember the previous case in point,” you sighed. “If I did what you told me, we'd both be dead.” You looked up to see how he was feeling. 

“It was only a single exception,” Dean immediately defended himself, rolling his eyes at you. 

“However, if I had listened to you, I would have been killed. You too,” you mutely remarked. You weren't attempting to put the blame on him. You were aware that he was guarding Sam and you constantly. You dropped your eyes to your eyes as he looked at you, feeling instantly overwhelmed and overpowered by his piercing stare. “I promise that when I go hunting, I'm not being careless. I truly listen to you, but you must have some degree of faith in me. Since I joined you and Sam months ago, I'm convinced he has more faith in me.”

You wanted Dean to think highly of you, someone whom he could always trust, just as you trusted him with your life. You wanted him to trust you, your strength, and your feelings. Even if you were quite successful, you felt that he still seemed to be unsure about you.

This time, instead of cracking one of his jokes to lighten the mood, he seemed to be deep in focus. When he appeared so confused and like he was in pain on the inside, you wondered what exactly he was thinking. Though you didn't think you could stop him from ruminating at that moment, you still wanted to help him if he was in pain, calm him down if he was feeling anxious, and comfort him if he was feeling uneasy. 

The sense of worthlessness was an emotion you wanted to stay away from. 

When he noticed that you weren't as happy as you had been minutes before, he stated in a dry voice, “I don't want you to get killed or hurt because of me. I do trust you, but you have to stop acting reckless and try to save me by endangering yourself.”

“I wasn't putting myself at risk. You're exaggerating,” you said as you continued to examine his hands while he continued to take care of your wounded hand. 

“You're very stubborn, aren't you?” In an attempt to soften the thick air, Dean smiled back weakly. 

You chuckled and tried to catch his gaze by raising your head as you drew nearer and moved on to where you were sitting. “But Sam thinks I'm the easiest one to get along with and easiest to persuade,” you said. 

Dean winked at you suspiciously and said, “Hey, I guess you were right about something.”

“About what?” 

“He's dumb when it comes to reading people, huh?” 

You muttered, “Asshole,” and gave him a little leg kick. It made him laugh, which made you joyful. 

Dean let go of your hand, gave you a long, odd smile, and checked his watch after making sure you were okay and being well taken care of. You could feel the joy leave your body when you realized he wasn't going to stay or anything. You had no idea how to get him to stay with you, at least for a day, at your home. Still, he was always on the move. It's fortunate that he didn't hear how quickly your heart was beating, how much you wanted his touch, and everything else.

You said in a hushed tone, as if you didn't give a damn whether he said ‘yes,’ but you cared like crazy. “You can spend the night in here if you wish.”

“I think I have other plans for tonight,” he remarked, flashing you his adorable grin and a wink. “We move so much throughout the day. The town must have missed me.”

You chuckled slightly and said, "By whom exactly, Mr. Loverman?” You noticed that the rain was falling more quickly through the glass. 

Dean gave you a haughty look and stated, “By ladies, of course,” which made you jealous, but you didn't want to show it to him and ruin your friendship.

Playing with the fabric of your sweatpants, you said, “Boys. They come and go.” You attempted to ignore the vivid images of Dean with other women that were playing out in your head. It was unavoidable, but you didn't want to get jealous and mess up everything. “New ones appear all the time. Don't be worried about the women who missed you.” 

He smiled and replied, “You're a smartass, aren't you?” You felt encouraged to continue since he didn't appear to be offended or anything.

“And you're overconfident in yourself. Have you yet to be rejected by someone? Not even once?” You said it inquisitively. 

“Just once,” Dean remarked humorously. It eluded you whether he was being serious or joking. At times, it was difficult to understand him.

You tried to chuckle as you remarked, “Must be fun.”  You sounded like you were going to choke though.

Dean spoke for a little while before attempting to get up and leave your home, but the electricity unexpectedly cut off, leaving you gasping in surprise. You backed away from him with a shy grin, not because you were afraid, just because you realized you had touched his knee. 

You said, “Ah, it doesn't look like the rain is going to stop soon,” and to your relief, he sat back on the seat. As it was pouring heavily, you expressed your gratitude to God and Michael for their generosity and compassion, which you felt had come once in a lifetime.

At least once, you prayed that night's rain would never cease so Dean wouldn't go. 

"Yeah," he said in a dry voice. It was your hope that he wouldn't feel stuck with you and let down. Dean was aware that although you weren't terrified of ghosts, you were fearful of being alone yourself in the dark. “Do you want me to light a candle?”

You timidly replied, “I guess I don't have any.”

“All right.”

“Are you still planning to leave or spend the night?” You tried not to seem enthusiastic as you asked, but with anticipation. You hoped that his ability to read your face in the dark would be poor.

“I suppose it's best if I stay with you. You're a lovely young girl who, in the end, is more terrified of the dark than ghosts. As a gentleman,” he murmured, moving to a more comfortable position on the coach. “It's my responsibility to protect and repay you tonight, don't I?”

You laughed as though he had made a joke, but in reality, you were only finding it difficult to hide your happiness at his answer that he would stay. The angels seemed to fill your heart with such incredible bliss. If it would force him to spend his time with you in that manner, you may put yourself at ongoing risk. You wished he understood how much you valued each and every word he said.

“How about you, though?” Dean asked out of the blue. Although his face was concealing himself in the darkness, you could tell by the tone of his words that he was perplexed. 

You asked, perplexed, not understanding what he was talking about, “What about me?”

“I haven't seen you with...someone in a long time since you joined us,” he said. You may argue that he spoke slowly in order to carefully select his words so as not to offend you or cause you distress. “Actually, I've never seen you with someone nor heard you talking about anyone.” 

You attempted to give him a confident smile, but all you managed to do was give him off an odd look. “Uhm,” you stammered out while attempting to think of anything to say without looking foolish. “Those hunts are challenging and exhausting.” You attempted to explain to him, “I'm not interested in seeing someone right now, and I can't find time for myself.” You were hoping he wouldn't dig too much.

You weren’t the best when it came to lying. 

As if he wasn't okay with your explanation, he grumbled, “We've been staying here for a month, and we are not even that busy.”

You wouldn't tell Dean that you were an inexperienced one in your mid-20s, as you knew he was very skilled with women. You just could not possibly make yourself look so foolish in front of him. You were unsure what he would think about you. Definitely, it was best to remain silent.

You said, “I'm just not interested and feel like I have no time for anyone,” trying not to sound like lying. Although it wasn't a total lie, how in the world could you admit that you were truly interested in someone, him, and that's the reason you weren't interested in anybody else?

You wanted he could read the words on your lips and your voice so you wouldn't have been trying so hard to explain things to him while hiding yourself away from him for so long.

Love was something that both wanted to be hidden and to be revealed. It was complicated and bizarre.

Dean finally responded, “You're right, actually,” after giving you a long stare. “You should avoid things that might distract the focus of your attention. Men might easily split your soft and lovely heart in half.”

You asked, irritated, “Why do you say that?” You always believed that since you avoided people so well, nobody would ever consider hurting you or anything like that.

As he moved a little closer to you, Dean smirked and remarked, “Like you say,” which made you tense. You couldn't see him well, but his smile was joyful. Before continuing, he arched an eyebrow and nibbled his bottom lip. “I'm ladies' man. I read women really well, and you're easy to see through.”

You said to him, “You really are a ladies' man. But I'd say you are illiterate.” 

Dean gave you a small chuckle and made the decision not to push you too far or make you feel more shy. And anyhow, he wouldn't allow you to talk about males, not right now. You did not require guidance since you did well on your own. “Hey, I see that you’re a little sharp today. After taking care of your wounded hand, I made the decision to spend the night with you and look how you treat me. You're being ungrateful.”

He made a false furious look at you, and you couldn't stop laughing. “You do realize, though, that I have once again saved your ass. I'm beginning to feel like you must repay me for acting as your guard. Like an angel.” You gave him a little smile and added, “That means something, right?”

Dean said, “It does,” with the same lighthearted tone as you, his eyes examining your face up close in the dark as your smile slowly faded from the corners of your lips.

You gasped in surprise and fright when an unexpected lightning strike struck with such force it seemed like the sky had been split in half. Dean laughed, seeing as how you really jumped on the coach. 

“I can't believe you're not afraid of ghosts, witches and all, but just some raindrops,” he stated in astonishment. Your pulse beat like crazy when you felt his breath close to you, but Dean probably assumed it was because you were frightened.

Both of your arms and legs touched, but you tried not to react. “I'm not afraid of rainy weather or something,” you replied. “It's normal to be jumpy when an unexpected noise like lightning appears.”

In an attempt to annoy you, Dean said in a persuasive voice, “It was just simple lightning. Many things might come as unexpected. You can't always get scared.”

You said, “Like what things?” as if in plea. 

You stared at his wonderfully shaped lips in the darkness as he spoke in a whisper. Your lips felt so dry that you wanted to lick them. Although you hoped he didn't notice, at that point you weren't really worried. Yes, you were a virgin with no prior experience, and you were very determined to keep your body and mind closed off to others, but things seemed different when you met Dean. It wasn't that you were old-fashioned-minded; you just wanted to be with someone you cared for, someone you loved. 

You were aware that the desire to be near him was more than simply passion; you wanted to touch his face, jaw, hair, and every other part of him. Your soul yearned to be near him desperately. 

Dean failed to notice when another lightning strike made you jump. It wasn't the finest moment for him to think clearly. There was always something enjoyable to do. Given that you've known each other for a while and that it must have been a while since you allowed someone to touch you, it seemed appropriate to blow off steam with each other. It was, after all, a difficult and somewhat tiresome a few hours earlier. 

Just when you thought you were going to pass out, Dean suddenly captured your lips and began to give you an urgent, intense kiss. Yes, you were somewhat inexperienced, but at least you've had a kiss. Quite some time ago, indeed. You made an effort to calm down, returned his kisses with your best effort, let your racing thoughts disappear into the darkness, and gave yourself over to that single perfect moment. 

You sucked Dean's lower lip, and your fingers stroked his jaw as his skillful tongue dominated yours. He must have been encouraged by your response because he moaned a bit as he shoved you back on the coach and pushed you to lie under him. He kept giving you firm kisses throughout.

His muscular neck was stroked by your hands as you drew him in between your knees. You shuddered as he put his body between your legs. It was the realization that your body was missing something that you were unable to identify. Your entire body exuded passion and desire. It hurt to need Dean so much. You had no idea how you had been able to contain yourself for so long.

You were longing to touch him all over.

Dean moved his lips to your throat, allowing you to take a deep breath. You were unable to contain a giggle as he violently sucked on your neck and throat. You realized you were sensitive there.

“Don't keep those lovely noises from me. Are we not the only ones alone in here?” While he boldly touched your skin beneath your shirt, Dean whispered. Though you urged yourself to relax down a little, you felt like your heart would burst at any minute.

It was possible that he might back off if you revealed to him that you were a virgin. It was certain that he would. You attempted to pretend that you had experience too and that it had simply been a long time because he was just interested in hook-ups, and that's what you were going to go through. It hurt to admit it, but maybe things would change.

You never would have imagined that you would feel that way about Dean, and you refused to miss the opportunity to be with him by telling him you weren't deflowered just yet. All you had to do was appear bold and avoid raising suspicion with your awkwardness.

Your cheeks flushed red, but at least the room was completely dark, keeping your almost scared gaze and timid finger movements hidden from him.

Your hands gently slipped inside his t-shirt, touching every muscle in so as to savor it. Your breath quivered with anticipation as your palm brushed every part of him. You could never let someone else touch you in the same manner that Dean did. 

Dean's eyes were on you, and as he nibbled your lower lip, you urged him to remove his shirt. You could see he was smiling a little bit when he pulled it off. That you were prepared to go one step beyond thrilled him. 

You must have pushed your injured hand a little bit hard when you gasped in little pain after both of your hands reached his back and you enjoyed the feeling of his muscles beneath your palms. 

“Hey, be careful and take your time there. Remember that all you are is a wounded gazelle under my mercy. You’re a greedy one, aren’t you?” As he worked on your clothing, Dean said in amusement.

You moaned in surprise as one of his hands slipped into your shirt and gave you a strong grip on your nipple. “Maybe I am,” you murmured, almost laughing, but the noise you made turned into a moan. 

You made a little movement beneath him. It seemed as though your body needed something from you or him, but you were completely unaware of what was going on. All you knew was that you were desperate for Dean to do something. 

You gasped somewhat alarmed as your nipple hardened between his skilled fingertips. As he slid on top of you and played with your tits, you got excited more and more, assuming that he wanted this as much as you did. You thought for a moment that it was actually romantic considering it was all dark and raining like hell outside, like the whole heaven wanted you to be with him.

You nailed Dean's back with boldness, crushed your lips to his once more, kissing him with desire while trying your hardest not to show Dean how shy you were in fact. It relieved you to hear him groan a bit in your mouth. You moaned quietly into his lips as soon as his thumb started playing with your nipples once again. 

Dean moved quickly to help you remove your shirt by pulling back. You were shivering a little, but even though he was making your skin hot, you would have blamed the room's cool temperature if he had asked.

His lips made their way to your nipples, where he expertly sucked them with his tongue. Your back arched as his lips nibbled your breasts delicately, and you forgot about your envious thoughts about how many other women he had treated like this. This time, you were unable to stop your loud moan from filling the room. 

Dean gave both of your nipples little licks and a firm kiss after sucking your tits for many minutes, making them slippery with his spit, and making you cry out beneath his body. You didn't know how pleasurable it was to be with someone doing such things.You were aware that you were attempting to create friction by placing your leg on his hip. 

He whispered to your lips, “I bet you're fucking dripping there,” as his hands gently moved into your sweatpants. He was trying to see every expression on your face in the dark. His voice was rough as he asked, “Are you wet enough to take me?”

You managed to say something like “Hmm,” which is sufficient. “I think I am.” 

“We must be sure,” Dean remarked in a lighthearted manner. “Let's see.” 

Dean slid his fingers slowly inside your sweatpants. He was grinning a little over you when he heard your heartbeat. As you waited for what was going to happen, you gripped onto his shoulder.

His fingers touched your underwear, causing you to gasp in surprise as he gave you a soft touch. Every second, you felt like you were becoming wetter. You believed you might orgasm at any minute since your clit was so sensitive to him. You wanted more because of how ethereal and gentle his hands were. You needed to raise your hip to him and squeeze his bisceps in order to receive what your body craved. 

Satisfied, Dean moved your underwear aside as he watched you twitch under him in desperation. He rubbed your clit some more, then used two fingers to feel how wet you were. 

Dean kept pushing back on his groan. He said in surprise, “Fuck, I knew you'd be wet, but you are literally leaking there.” You had no idea whether or not it satisfied him. All you wanted to do was the right thing. Regardless of what it was. 

You lied when you said, “It's been very, very long,” since you had no idea what to say. The way he responded truly made you feel a little awkward. 

You felt better after sharing quick kisses on the lips with him. “Good,” was Dean's sharp reply. “How many times can I get you to come to me tonight? You deserve appropriate treatment in light of the effort you have been doing these last few months, you know. I must reward you.”

Encouraged, you had a blossoming sensation of bliss and anticipation in your chest. You wished that light would never return and that you and him would always be in the dark together in that very moment.

He touched you during hunts and other times to make jokes, but you didn't used to be physical like that. Watching him being intimate with other women except you was agonizing. But now you knew you could touch him whatever you pleased right now. Just like you imagined when you thought about him, you touched yourself. 

Dean palmed your moisture in his hand, causing you to both pant into each other's mouths. You felt a little uneasy as one of his fingers began to gently press into your entrance since you weren't sure if it would hurt that much or not. You just didn't tell him anything since you didn't want to spoil things. All you did was wait expectantly.

He said, “You're a tight one, aren't you?” as he kept his finger inside of you. You were glad Dean wasn't being swift with you. You withdrew your lips from biting and captured his, pushing him into doing what he needed or desired as well. 

Dean expected that you would be tight, but he didn't anticipate that level of tightness. He was taken aback by how tightly your walls clamped around his finger, and he couldn't help getting thrilled at the thought of feeling your cock around him. He was shivering with excitement coursing through his veins. 

You bit your lip hard in pain as he pressed his thick finger a little further. You didn't make any sound that might have stopped him. Dean would stop in an instant, you knew. 

He must have realized how uncomfortable you were, though, because he began to touch your clit more in an effort to prepare you to become accustomed to him and make you wet enough to take him. 

As he worked on your clit, he remarked, somewhat smirking, “It seems we need to get you ready for me; otherwise, it might be painful a bit for you.”

“I'm prepared. Really,” you said, lifting your hips in the course of action. “You can go on.”

Dean groaned a bit and pressed his finger inside again. He used extreme caution. You whimpered and attempted to make yourself quiet by stealing kisses from him to silence your whimpers. 

Dean withdrew his finger and then thrust it back, not allowing you to say something. His abrupt movement caused your lips to parted in pleasure and enthusiasm. Even though there was still some discomfort, it was soon overshadowed by pleasure and desire as he began to properly finger you. You grabbed onto his shoulders because your pussy hurt from yearning. You tried to put your groaning mouth into Dean's, but he wouldn't let you kiss him. 

You could not help but let a moan out in ecstasy as your back arched when he gently pushed another finger and began to fuck you with them. You made a valiant effort, but it was impossible to avoid coming so quickly and effortlessly.

Dean moaned, “Give it to me,” realizing that you were making it difficult to come. “Come to me now. You're almost there; I know that.”

As soon as your climax hit, Dean grabbed your lips and planted a passionate kiss on it as he touched your chin with one hand, allowing you to ride your pleasure in between moans. 

Your hips rose to get more pleasure as though you could, your back arched, and your walls clenched hard as you rode your climax. Dean's experienced tongue expertly dominated yours as he murmured into your lips. He withdrew to give you a bit of time, and while he did so, he studied your face in the darkness, as if he wanted to remember each and every shadow that passed across your skin in the flickering light. 

He was at a loss as to why he had never touched you before. For a while, at least, it felt pleasant enough to become sidetracked. 

Your cheeks became scarlet as your climax wore on, but you were itching to go one step more. For that, you were ready. For a long while, you had been ready to give Dean everything. 

If he asked, there was nothing you wouldn't give away. 

You planted a hesitant kiss on him to gauge his reaction before your shaky hands made contact with his legs and through his trousers. You could see more of his face as your eyes grew used to the gloom. Your hands became braver as you watched him smile, and boldness invaded your body and thoughts. The sexual experience shouldn't be difficult. Particularly with him.

Shortly after your hand briefly ran over his hardened cock through his trousers, your fingers somewhat slid into his boxer. You were taking your time to gauge his reaction. You were hoping he wouldn't say no, draw a line, or worse, end it up.

You yearned to offer him the same pleasure that he gave you.

In a weak but hopeful voice, you asked, “Can I touch you?”

With a charming chuckle, Dean added, “You can do whatever you like.” His voice carried expectation, which made you thrilled even more.

You reached out and stroked his erect cock, feeling that it was safe to go a step further and meet his gaze with yours. His sly smile vanished from his mouth as he stifled a moan and shifted on top of you, his hand still resting on your thighs and legs. 

He said, “It seems like you're cold,” as soon as you began to touch him. 

You retracted your icy hand in an ashamed attempt to mumble a “sorry,” but Dean reacted swiftly and put your hand back to his aching cock. 

He responded, “We'll get you warm,” and helped you put your hand around his cock to feel closer to him and to give you the confidence to continue. “Your hand feels so good around me.”

Driven by his words, you felt each vein on his cock and then circled your fingers around it to memorize him. You weren't familiar with his length or anything because you weren't an expert on male anatomy, but he was thick, so it was difficult to properly wrap your hands around him. You reasoned that it would be best to take some action to get him to come. 

You moved your hands and began to rub him, trying not to feel shy as you stared into his eyes. Your chest was rising with excitement, and your breathing was heavy. His gasping for air made you pleased and aroused; all you had to do was give him the same pleasure. 

Dean told you, “You're doing so good,” in between strokes. 

You inquired quietly, “Do you like it?”

“I really like it,” Dean said as he planted a kiss on your neck. He paused at your sweatpants and began to carefully lower them with his hands. 

Your hands were moving more quickly on him, and your heart was racing. He felt larger in your grip. He was nearly there. But Dean gently stopped you, pushing your hands aside and planting a kiss on your lips. You sensed that the big move was about to happen.

He saw you were becoming stiff as he assisted you in taking down your sweatpants and underwear, so he questioned you suspiciously, “Are you nervous?”

You lied once more while waiting for him to remove his clothing. “No, of course, not,” you said. When he removed his boxer, you could have practically felt the chills beneath you. You had everything you had on the floor. “It's just cold in here.”

“Trust me, you'll feel warm very soon,” said Dean confidently. His tone had hints of dedication. 

You shifted slightly beneath him to find a more comfortable position. Luckily, there was plenty of room in the coach. You put your hands on Dean's back, feeling his hardness on your stomach, and you waited for him to do something already. Though plainly aroused and moist, you were still a little anxious. You

didn't want to come seem as inexperienced, though. You wished for this to keep going. 

“I do trust you.” That was true at least. 

Dean believed you.

While you waited, he took his cock and gave himself two or three strokes. Witnessing him stroking himself got you even more aroused.

Dean positioned himself on your entrance, making you tense up a little, then brushed his hard cock on your clit after making sure you were both ready. But you were determined to see it through to the end. It was almost like a chance to win him over in a romantic way. Maybe.

He pressed the tip of his cock, and you laid your hands on his back and nailed him like crazy. He was able to slide inside you very easily because of how wet you were, yet it was still uncomfortable and painful.

You bit your lip to suppress your agonizing groans and not to make him stop, so as not to seem like a wounded animal or anything.

Dean groaned over you, “Fuck, you are really tight,” pausing just before pulling away. It was difficult for him to fit inside completely.

You whispered to him, embarrassed, “Sorry,” attempting to calm down and let him in.

“Just relax,” Dean said, taking another position. You nodded to him quickly. 

He again pushed his cock inside of you. This time, your pussy was around him tightly, drawing him within. He let out a sigh of delight at that. Your eyes welled up with tears as he withdrew and used a forceful motion to push himself forward. It was as though he was slicing you in two. Thankfully, he was unaware that a few tears had trickled down from your eyes onto the coach. However, you were unable to cease whimpering in pain. 

Dean sensed when you were ready and gave himself a single, full thrust. You nailed his belly and back and moaned in agony this time because of his harsh moment. 

You were no longer a virgin while you were lying beneath him. Even though the man you loved was unaware that you had given him something unique, you knew that no matter what happened, you would never regret it. 

“Are you okay?” Dean asked. He could not believe how tight you were. Your walls were drawing him in, constricting around him all the while. If he was less experienced, he would have come inside you as soon as he entered your pussy. 

“I am,” you urged him to continue, your voice quivering. “Just give me a moment, please.”

Dean gave you a kiss to help you relax. He saw that you were a bit anxious and that you needed to wet yourself a little more before you could handle him. He was sure sloppy kisses would be helpful.

Dean stepped back after a while and questioned, “Are you ready now?” You were clenching around him, and his patience was getting thin.

You nodded to him, and Dean retreated and pushed inside again without waiting another moment. The way he fucked you was rough and painful for you. You didn't complain though, even if it was hard to get used to his size and pace in such a short amount of time. He moved slowly at first, but as you got wetter beneath him, he accelerated his pace.

Dean moaned, “You're taking me so well,” while fucking you in a rough way. His delighted tone and praises made your heart sing. “I like how tight you are.”

You only said, "For you." His compliments caused the anguish to become joy, and this time you didn't suppress your moans. You had no idea that you would enjoy this so much. 

“Oh yeah?” he said, teasing as he whispered into your neck, picking up speed. “You sound so sweet. Do you like the way I fuck you? I should have fucked your lovely tight cunt sooner.”

Your face turned red the moment he spoke dirty words into your ear. They were about how much he liked fucking you everything else. The whole room was filled with sloppy and obscene sounds that made you blush with shyness. You were becoming even more excited at the sound of his heavy balls hitting your pussy. You began to tighten up around him. Although you were trying to hold back to extend the moment, you were getting close. 

“This won't take long,” he groaned, getting his fingers tense around your flesh. It was difficult for Dean to control himself. You were tightening around him, whimpering beneath him. “Come to me. Come now!”

When Dean moved around a little inside of you, he started to fuck you harder and find your sensitive spot. With a groan, “Take it. Come on,” he said, fucking you senseless. 

You reached your climax and clenched him with his name on your lips as your screams became louder and you were unable to contain yourself any longer. Dean proceeded to fuck you throughout your climax by lifting your hips and drawing his body to you in order to receive more pleasure. You believed you might come again right there since your pussy was throbbing so much. 

After Dean made sure you rode your orgasm, he let out a deep grumble, pulled out his cock in between your startled gasps, and began to stroke himself. You became excited by his stroking himself on top of you, even though you had just rode your climax. 

When Dean began to empty himself on your thigh and stomach, you jumped. You waited for him to empty himself as you saw him spill his hot white ropes all over your body. You glared in shock as you watched him riding his pleasure.

You were no longer a virgin there, under him. It had happened. You were aware that he was only a friend and that the situation was really a bit awkward. You waited for remorse to surface, thinking that nothing would change with him, but it didn't. You didn't feel any sign of regret. Giving something unique to a loved one, even if it held no significance for them, was never wrong. After all, love was generous, and it always needed to consume the untouched places of your body and spirit.

With a low grunt, Dean moved your bodies on the coach and, to your astonishment, embraced you. It was obvious that he was satisfied. Dean grabbed the blanket that was hanging from the coach's corner and laid it over your bodies. You trembled as the heat took the place of the cold. You simply drew nearer to him to enjoy the moment because you had no idea what to do. You pondered whether this would occur once again. 

Jokingly, you said, “What now?” Still, a lot of questions raced through your head.

Dean sighed and said, “It's pretty late and seems like the rain won't stop any soon, so let's sleep.” You remained silent regarding what had transpired. 

Saying, “Okay,” you leaned into his embrace and made an effort to keep as close to him as you could. The thrill you had just had began to gradually fade away, leaving you alone yourself with despair and sadness. 

Dean remarked, “By the way,” before he closed his eyes. “Let's not talk about this to Sam or someone else, alright?” Though gentle and soothing, his words were sharp and cut you through. 

You said, “Sure,” immediately away. “Of course not.” 

As though nothing had occurred and you weren't naked in each other's arms, you told each other good night. Although it was awkward, you made the choice. When you made the decision to go all the way with him, you knew that was what would happen. 

You got out of bed before Dean did, picked up your clothes from the floor, and headed to the bathroom for a long shower. Whatever is done is done. It was irreversible; you convinced yourself. Nothing was a regret for you. You were relieved that it only happened with Dean. It was the appropriate decision for you to keep the details from him. He wasn't made to feel oppressed by you or anything. This would ruin the friendship and also ruin you. 

Dean also woke up, and you two didn't chat much after that. You felt a little uncomfortable, but as soon as Dean returned to his lighthearted demeanor, you felt at ease and acted naturally. When you saw he didn't put distance between you, you felt relaxed. 

That's how three weeks went by. Everything was well. 

Following a disastrous hunt that left Sam with an arm injury, you enter their home and assist Sam in taking care of his arm. The hunt this time was challenging, and you were distracted. 

Sam was giving you and Dean one of his puppy looks. You felt terrible. 

With remorse, you murmured, “I'm sorry, Sam.” He injured his harm in order to protect you, yet he didn't blame you for anything. You have probably never met someone as kind as he was. 

He said, “It's okay,” and made an agonizing moan as you carefully cleansed his arm. 

Dean snapped, “It's not,” in a harsh voice. He was across the room, observing Sam and you. He had his fists crossed over his chest, obviously frustrated with the current state of things. After all, Sam was his brother. “There, you should have been careful. Sam could have hurt badly because of you.”

“I know,” you said, panicked. “You are right.”

“I don't think so,” Dean stated sharply, glancing at Sam's injured arm. “You've been distracted for a while. I attempted to ignore it and hide the mistakes you made, but today they could end up killing Sam.”

Your pulse raced, and you felt guilty as you proceeded to handle Sam's arm carefully. As he persisted in blaming you, you found it difficult to contain your emotions. 

“It won't happen again,” you stated in a tremulous tone while keeping your gaze on Sam's arm. 

“It's alright. Dean, please stop being so grumpy,” Sam eventually pleaded in an insistent voice.

“You shut up,” Dean said, gesturing to Sam as if he were a little child. In fact, you were aware that he remained a child in Dean's eyes.

As you began to wrap a white cloth around Sam's injured arm, he groaned and pressed his groan back. “You're being annoying right now,” he said.

“I'm going to be more annoying if you two keep acting like this, you know.”

You said, “I'm really sorry,” and you gave Dean and Sam sincere looks. “It really won't happen again.”

Dean nodded at you quickly and sighed. However, it was clear that he was frustrated with you. “He's all I have.”

“I know.”

You and Sam didn't say anything further about what had transpired. Thankfully, despite his curious and suspicious stare, he remained silent. To get better, you had to gather yourself. But it was challenging. You questioned whether being near Dean worked as a deterrent for him to stay away from you. 

A week went by, and Dean came home with a blonde woman by his side as you and Sam were spending the night in the house eating pies and watching a movie.

Jealousy took over you, but you smiled and greeted them instead of pulling a grouchy face and making a scene. Dean's hookups and lovers became routine to you. The things that had happened weeks ago weren't important, even if it was hard to admit. Not a word about it was spoken. 

Last several days, Dean had been annoyed, but when he kissed the blonde, he was a completely different person. Happier, more relaxed. Though your heart was pounding from pain and suffering, your gaze remained riveted on the TV. It was pathetic how much you wanted to be her. It was a hard swallow. 

When she, Dean, or Sam told you something, you smiled and engaged in conversation so as not to arouse suspicion. They eventually made their way to Dean's room, and this is when your eyes started to well up with tears. You were unable to stop it. You uttered a little sound as your heart gripped with so much agony and suffering. You had no idea why. It might all have been different, but it wasn't.

Sam saw your eyes become wetter in the light, and he gave you a dubious look, but none of you said anything. 

You longed to travel back in time as soon as you heard it began to rain outside. This time, you weren't fond of the rain or how it felt. 

Next Chapter

A/N: I hope you like it. Let me know what you think, please.  ^^