#it felt really good to see a nonbinary supporting character that got so much focus without it being a whole thing

[jamiebluewind]

Oh no... new bainrot dropped

The character designers cooked 😖💜✨

[sanguinarius-archive]

Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

[lainahastoomuchsparetime]

So that’s what I’m gonna do.

Let’s get the Night Vale presents stuff out of the way because I think those are the most well-known things, and, while good podcasts, probably the least interesting for a rec list.

  Welcome to Night Vale is probably the podcast that got a ton of people, including myself, into podcasts in the first place. If you don’t know, WTNV is a fictional radio show about a little desert town and the strange things that happen it. It’s super queer, quirky, and has some really good creepy moments. Librarians scare me because of this show.

I don’t really keep caught-up on this, but I do listen to a bunch at once every so often and catch up. With 154 episodes, a couple bonus episodes, and a bunch of live-shows, you’ve got a lot of backlog to keep you busy. Start at the beginning, though.

Alice Isn’t Dead is a horror podcast about a woman who sees her supposedly dead wife on a news broadcast and sets off to try and find her. And it only gets weirder from there. This series has an episode that has creeped me out more than anything else I’ve probably ever listened to. There are three seasons with ten episodes each, plus some bonus episodes. The series has been completed.

Within the Wires is a dystopian science fiction series about a strange alternate reality world. Season One is told through a series of relaxation tapes. Season Two is a set of art museum tour tapes. Season Three is a collected group of audio notations from a man to his secretary.

I’m a pretty big fan of this one, honestly. I don’t love the second season, but it’s still very solid and the third is super interesting. This is a very strange world, and I really like it.

Each season tells a separate story, but they do all take place in the same world. Very queer, as expected from Night Vale Presents, honestly, with a neat bonus being season 3 being narrated by a trans narrator. Ten episodes each season, and season four started September 2019.

Let’s talk about some of my other favourite things!

The Black Tapes was one of the first non-Night Vale podcasts I listened to and it’s still one of my favourites. Funny story, I thought this was going to be a non-fiction podcast. I mixed it up in my head with… Lore! It was totally Lore. Oh, I forgot I listened to a bit of that. So, in my head, this become a non-fiction podcast about urban lengends the way Lore is non-fiction about scary stories/historical events/whatever Lore’s deal is, I didn’t actually listen to that much of it.

And, boy, was I confused after the first episode. Or two. Eventually I realized this is a fiction horror podcast about journalist Alex Reagan’s research into Dr. Richard Strand’s work debunking paranormal activity – specifically the cases he has not been able to debunk. (Strand is basically a fictional version of James Randi, who’s an interesting dude.)

It begins as kind of a Monster of the Week story, but eventually expands from that into bigger arcs in a very natural way. It’s one that manages to balance telling the story without losing sight of where they started out. The third season is a little underwhelming, which sucks as it’s currently also the last season, but I suspect they might be working on things behind the scenes. There’s rumours about NBC working on a TV series, and also rumours about a fourth season. I would support that. It’s one of my favourites.

There’s also a series that takes place in the same universe called TANIS, and I think RABBITS is in the same universe too, but I wasn’t really super into either of those. This, however, is a big favourite.

The Bright Sessions is a science fiction podcast about therapy for people with psychic powers, or as the podcasts says, the strange and unusual. I am also strange and unusual, so I liked this. This is a very positive podcast. It does go a whole lot into a strange world and has some really exciting plotpoints, but a lot of it is just about healing and growth. It made my heart do things a bunch. Not a scary one.

Relevant to my book people, there is a YA book featuring two of the characters coming out (whenever) and I have an eARC of it so you might be seeing a review of that soon. Hopefully.

This also has a ton of queer rep, including an explictly ace character. It also has a musical episode. Yes, that’s as cool as it sounds. There are 64 episodes, plus a bunch of bonus episodes. There’s also a spin-off series but it’s behind a paywall so I haven’t checked it out. This is a satisfying complete series without it.

ars PARADOXICA is a science fiction podcast about Sally Grissom, a physicist who accidentally invents time travel and sends herself back to 1943. And then it gets really weird. If you really like science fiction, this is the one I’d recommend the most. It’s very important to listen to this one in order, as it’s very plot heavy.

This is also way more queer than you’d expect a podcast set in the 40s to be. Sally is explictly asexual and heavily aro-coded, and there are several other major queer characters. Honestly this just has decent representation in general, and most of it is handled in a very sensitive way. A lot of things like racism or antisemitism aren’t just brushed aside as being “Well, it’s the 40s”.

Partway through this, there is a plot involving gun violence. The creators talk about their decision whether to include it or not, and they begin to give content warnings before each episode when needed. I really appreciated that.

This series is complete at thirty-six episodes, with a couple bonus episodes. There’s also a crossover episode between this and the Bright Sessions.

Now, if you’ve never listened to a podcast before and you’re a little intimidated by the idea of getting into something really long and involved, I’d recommend this next podcast.

The Message is basically a mini-series. It’s a science-fiction podcast that, and no one is going to get this reference, kind of reminded me of the movie Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invasion. My brain makes weird leaps sometimes. We all kind of just need to run with it.

Produced by GE, it tells the story of a college student making a podcast following the team tasked with decoding a message sent to earth by aliens seventy years ago. There are only 8 episodes, and most of them are only about 10 minutes, so this is a very good beginner podcast.

Not a super queer podcast, but there is a nonbinary character among the main cast.

I also listened to GE’s second podcast, Life-After, but I wasn’t as big a fan of that. The two are not related storywise.

The Far Meridian is another one I think is pretty approachable for beginners. The episodes tend to be under twenty minutes. And this one is more of a fantasy podcast than science-fiction like a lot of the others have been. I would almost say this has a bit of a magical realism theme, and the writer has talked about being influenced by that genre.

The main character of this, Peri, is an agrophobe who wakes up one morning to find her lighthouse has begun traveling the world. Over the course of the show, you begin to realize how weird the world she’s exploring actually is. The second season especially does some things I personally found super creepy, and I loved it.

It deals with a lot of trauma and anxiety, especially in the second season, but it’s handled so well. They end every episode with “May you always find your way”, and I find that really fitting and also comforting. It’s not a fake Instagram type of positivity. It feels hopeful.

Peri is a Latina woman and I believe most of the cast are people of colour. Peri is also queer, but generally does not want labels put on her yet. She’s okay not knowing. This, also, happens in a scene where another character defines her own bisexuality as being attracted to “cool girls and people who don’t really subscribe to that whole gender thing” which is great.

Overall, I’m a big fan of this one and I can’t wait for the third season in January 2020. Oh, hey, pro-tip: The Google Play feed for this doesn’t have the full second season for some reason, so you have to switch to iTunes or Spotify for the rest of it if you listen to your podcasts there.

Now this one I just finished listening to!

The Bridge is a science fiction podcast set in an alternate-world 2016 where a giant bridge (shocker) has been built across the Atlantic Ocean, taking place within one of the watchtowers on said giant bridge, which has been mostly abandoned and left to rot by the mainland.

Okay don’t make fun of me, but I’m kind of a new introductee to the idea of Lovecraftian lore/mythology? For some reason I kind of missed that whole thing until pretty recently. I only got semi-familiar with it because a Let’s Player I watch played a Cthulhu game, and then a youtube channel that talks about book adaptations I also watch did an episode about one of Lovecraft’s books.

So I’m gonna say this is kind of based on Lovecraftian stuff, but I don’t know enough to say if it’s inspired by it, or actually based on a specific work, but it has that kind of feel. The world in this is really interesting, with things like haunted houses and possessed puppets. They also do a great job with world-building of the way things were back in the heyday of the bridge.

One of the main characters, Bertie, is canonically queer, and talks about his fiance who passed away, and others have been confirmed queer by word of God, but I can’t find said word of God, so I don’t know who they mean and therefore can’t really talk about that. There’s been basically no focus on romance, though, so it not coming up hasn’t felt unnatural.

This has 14 episodes and a bunch of mini-episodes, and while there hasn’t been an update since October 2018, their twitter leads me to be it will be soon. I really like the world of this one, and can’t wait for there to be more.

Parts of it actually reminded me of:

Girl in Space, which is a science fiction podcast about a girl (duh) in space (duh) with only an artificial intelligence system, various birds, and a goat to keep her company… until she sees something on the horizon.

This is still a baby podcast, with only one season (the last episode of which I still need to listen to) but it’s interesting. There’s some things they’re hinting at that I am super excited about seeing explored in season two, and the worldbuilding is really fun. The sun is probably alive, y’all. And I mean, like, it might be sentient.

I have a couple of minor gripes with a similar thing to the Bridge, where characters have only been said to be queer outside of the actual show, but if the words “Cheese is delicious science” appeal to you, check this one out.

And speaking of mixed feelings:

The Box! The Box is a horror podcast about a college drop-out that finds a strange box (again, shocker) in the bookstore she works in, her discovery that it’s full of strange journals, and her search to uncover the truth about them.

There’s a lot I actually like in this. When I started listening to it, I was really missing the Black Tapes and they have the same sort of feeling at the beginning. I like this kind of podcast where a narrator tells you a story every episode, and then the world builds on top of that. It’s not everyone’s thing, but I’m into it. It’s a good premise, and for quite some time into the show, I enjoyed it.

And then it gets weird. And obviously it starts weird, most of these podcasts get weird at one point, but it starts to be strange in a way that I wasn’t enjoying. I started to find it more silly than scary.

There’s also a romance that I found dull as doorknobs, and there’s a thing that I would like to complain about, but I can’t confirm it exactly, and there are not transcripts so I can’t check something without re-listening to the whole podcast. As there are forty episodes and bonus episodes, I’m not about to just jump into that. So I’ll just complain about a lack of transcripts instead.

The Box also has times where the sound design is just terrible. There’s one episode where, in-world, it’s being recorded on a broken recorder, parts of it from another room. And, yes, it makes sense in-world. But to actually listen to it, I had it on full blast as high as I could and I still could barely hear it and missed a lot of the episode. And, again, no transcripts to read with it. And my hearing is okay. If you have any kind of auditory processing issues, that episode basically just says “screw you”.

However, I do like how they work social topics into the stories. At times it can be a bit clumsy, but I give them kudos for trying, at least. There’s an episode that includes real-life audio from something related to a real death of a black person by police brutality. I believe it’s in the episode Strange Fruit but I don’t remember and again, no transcripts. I find this especially frustrating when it comes to potentially triggering material.

This one’s currently on hiatus and I’ll probably check it out whenever it returns (it’s a show prone to long hiatus), but I wouldn’t recommend it unhesitantly. It does a lot of things I like, but I definitely have mixed feelings overall.

Palimpsest is another horror podcast. It tells a new, standalone story each season, with all their stories relating to memory and things that haunt us. I liked both, but especially the second season.

Season one is about loss and memory and forgiveness, and what it means to be haunted by something. It’s largely about the relationship between the MC and her sister and the romance is very minimal, but there’s some (what I call) incidental queerness. It’s not in a way like a Night Vale Presents thing is, or the Bright Sessions, or something like that, but it’s nice not to have it ignored.

GIANT trigger warning for gun violence and child death. Also, there’s thing on-going theme about the creepy sound of a wooden swing in the backyard and, as I was listening to this when I went for walks, I realized I walk past three different wooden swings.

Season two is set in the late 19th or early 20th century or so, and is based in Irish fae mythology which is totally up my alley. This is also the series where the idea of immigrants and people being raised by immigrants having accents confused someone so much I almost didn’t listen to it based on their review. I’m not salty about that, obviously.

Season two is also really freaking queer. Overall this isn’t a really scary horror podcast – it’s more eerie and a little sad. And eerie and a little sad is my favourite mood for ghost stories. My only real complaint is this also doesn’t have transcripts available.

Spines is a pretty recent listen for me, one I really enjoyed. This is kind of like a mash up of all the things I liked about The Box and Darkest Night and Archive 81 without any of the things I didn’t like in any of those. It’s definitely horror, with some body horror elements, and some… is tasteful gore a thing? Body horror and gore elements are used very tastefully and sparingly, and to great effect.

It’s the story of Wren, who wakes up in an attic covered in blood, with no memory at all, and some weird cult ritual surrounding her. She runs, and starts the podcast in an attempt to find her friends, who she’s sure were in the attic with her, and her other half, Zachary, the only name she can remember.

It’s weird but good weird. Solid world-building and really good character building. There’s a particular message that I appreciated that being someone’s “soulmate” didn’t mean you didn’t have a choice in whether or not you wanted to be romantically or sexually involved with them. It’s subtle but again well-handled.

Also, Wren is queer and this is really trans inclusive. There are several times where the show goes against the usual cisnormative thing most media would say in a similar situation, which honestly makes sense as it’s written by a trans writer. There’s also a very significant canonically intersex and nonbinary character, voiced by the writer of the show.

This is a creepy, weird little podcast that made my heart very happy. It’s complete at three seasons of eight episodes each and honestly quite underrated. Big recommend.

Finally, let’s talk about my favourite podcast.

I recently learned that the term “weird fiction” exists as a genre label. Mabel is very much weird fiction. In Mabel, Anna Limon begins a new job as a home health caretaker to an elderly woman named Sally. The house is… strange, and Sally is strange, and Anna probably shouldn’t look too deeply at any of that, but of course she does.

It is a horror podcast with deep folklore/mythology roots, possibly also somewhat Celtic/fae based, but it’s such a blend of things that I can’t draw any hard lines of things I specifically recognize besides one or two things, and that makes it so unique.

Listen to Mabel in the fall. Listen to Mabel when it might rain, when it’s a little windy, when the leaves are crunchy under your feet. When the air smells just a little like decay. Or, you know, whenever, because it’s great, but it is an amazing fall podcast. It’s also super queer, fyi.

Mabel has forty seasons currently, with I think five seasons? There is also a five-part bonus series. It’s really cool. If you don’t listen to anything else I recommend, listen to this.

I also listened to Limetown but I feel like everyone’s heard of that one, and I’m currently listening to Ghosts in the Burbs which so far is kind of interesting, but I’m only like two episodes in.

Alright! Have you listened to any of these? What did you think? What podcasts would you recommend for me? Did you enjoy this post at all? Comment and let me know!

Peace and cookies, Laina

I kinda just wanna talk about podcasts So that's what I'm gonna do. Let's get the Night Vale presents stuff out of the way because I think those are the most well-known things, and, while good podcasts, probably the least interesting for a rec list.

[game-meak]

A Proper Postmortem

Maybe?!  Heck if I know how to actually format a good post but let’s try.  As game development went on for almost four years, this is probably gonna be long... and also give away basically the whole game oops!  Read on with caution.

Sometime around July 2014, a month after the initial release of my first game, my room was being remodeled and I was stuck with nothing for free time but a garbage laptop I could do anything on, an old flip phone, my sketchbook, and my 3DS.  So beyond playing an obscene amount of Animal Crossing and Tomodachi Life, I at some point went “hey, what if I made a second game starring the kids.”  So I started trying to plan it out!  And it went

absolutely nowhere that I intended it to go!!!

For instance, this is the very first page of sketches.  This squirrel was supposed to be really important.  It’s not.  I don’t even KNOW what’s up with that duck.

A thing I like to think about before I set off making any of the story, assets, or scripts for my games tend to be themes and motifs.  And I kept circling back to a very important, very personal “theme.”  Without using the internet at large as my therapy couch, I was emotionally abused and taken advantage of multiple times in my life and it greatly impacts how I interact with people to this very day, as you’d expect events of such a degree would.  Particularly, I kept thinking that the RPG Maker fan crowd tends to skew young and be in the teenage range and at ages 14-16, I could’ve used something to help.

Of course, my entire thought process isn’t necessarily one of charity and selflessness.  It was also a way of me expressing what I’d dealt with in ways I’ve only ever communicated with my friends who were also victims of the same circumstances, the closest I would let myself come to personal stories and retellings with a cover of plastic children and wild adventures.  It was also in some ways a way of me verifying to myself that something ongoing was, in fact, bananas and should not have been happening, but that might be another story for another time.

As you can probably guess, Haze and Seal came into the picture since I needed to make two characters who would have this struggle.  A lot of decisions came about because of my personal experience.  They’re 15/16 because I was at the time of the incidents that primarily inspired me to make this game.  They’re both nonbinary because I am.  They love anime because I did (and do...?!)  One of their friends is even directly modeled off how one of my friends looked in high school.  To that degree, I guess someone, somewhere can call them self inserts.  But they’re also not, since I didn’t want to just do a personal retelling with fictional characters.  I’d just write a memoir or something at that point.

Haze’s design came first, and then Seal’s was sort of made as a foil to them.  Haze’s “colors” are pink, black, grey, and red.  Seal’s are teal and light purple... and also black.  Haze had a rabbit motif (which got toned down as I went on), Seal had an owl motif (which is now just a single mention in their list of likes...), etc.

Though in the beginning, the story was entirely different.  Initially, everything took place in the neon-ish areas with black sky and reflective, celestial water (that I, very eloquently, call “spacewater”).  The idea was that Haze and Seal were beings from another dimension and that their “fighting” was causing a rip in the universe that the kids stumbled into and therefore got wrapped up in this mess.  I had an entire script written and started making assets and when I went to sum up the game’s plot in a neat paragraph, I realized... I hated it!!!

So I chucked all I had done by that point writing-wise and started again.

In fact, I rewrote a lot.  After the first it was mostly small tweaks and adjustments, but the biggest ones (and the ones that still present a challenge to me!) usually involved trying to make Seal feel like a believable character.  I had shown an early draft to someone who said that Seal felt too much like trying to get back at someone, so I scrapped a ton of their lines and tried again.  I still worry whether or not they come across too Strawman-y, but I’ve done the best I can and whatever criticism people have can apply to my next writing attempts.  It’s very hard to separate yourself from subject matter you feel really personally attached to.  I don’t want to write them in a way that you immediately hate them, or hate me for writing such a blatant “villain” character, but in a way that you can formulate your own thoughts.  That said, though, I am violently allergic to people who call Seal a “tsundere,” even in jest.  So I guess I want people to have their own thoughts as long as it’s not that specific one...! (;;;;)

You may be thinking “heck, this is a lot of paragraphs in and you haven’t even brought up gameplay thoughts” and yes... that’s very true.  Shamefully, for a game where I thought “I should definitely, absolutely focus more on making it a Fun Game than a walking visual novel” I might’ve actually dropped the ball in that area.  I’d like to think I was more adventurous than I had been with my first game.  Some parts do kind of fall into the “walk to the next cutscene, find a key to unlock the next cutscene” pit, but I did put effort into figuring out what I could do with RMXP.  My obligatory “please don’t use this engine here, people thinking of using RPG Maker” statements here.  In the final product, though they’re very simple, I’m most proud of the chalkboard puzzle and the paint sorting puzzle.

Even if, y’know... I somehow neglected to include the letter “k”

Speaking of, I’m not sure if this is a general RPG Maker thing, a “man I hate RMXP” thing, or a “meaka cannot gamemake” thing, but I had several event/puzzles just up and quit on me a few times.  Like they would work fine for months and months, but one day I’d go to them and just nope, suddenly they’re not working, sorry.  Copy+pasting the event to a new map wouldn’t work, so I’d have to manually redo the event.  One of them was the chalkboard puzzle.  The other was the sliding puzzle when Tony is by herself.  Which I’m also aware slows the game down a ton, but I have legitimately no idea how to fix that... I tried and I could never get to to not lag like crazy.

Like I said, I started in July 2014.  I’d shipped the game off to my beta testers in March 2018.  A vast majority of that time was spent creating the visual assets since everything you see in the game is custom.  All the sprites, all the tilesets, every little pixel of it.  All me!  Needless to say... it was very exhausting and very time consuming. I grossly underestimated how much time I thought it’d take.  I never accounted for the very real possibility of burnout, which is incredibly silly considering I was making something entirely by myself that was also an occasionally difficult subject matter...!  There were quite a few weeks where I touched nothing because I couldn’t bring myself to and even a few times where I just considered deleting everything and cancelling the project.  I knew I’d be mad at myself if I quit, especially as I got later into production, so I just tried my best to make sure I didn’t turn it into a huge chore.  Obviously, there were parts that were more tedious than others, but this game really is a very large labor of love that I put a lot of my heart into.

Part of that time is also a little bit of indecision.  Did you know I went through 3 possible title screens?  I sure did!  I’ve also publicly posted about redoing both Haze and Seal’s bust sprites before.  I almost redid all of the kids’, too, but I didn’t wanna get caught in the loop of remaking everything, so I opted to just leave them as they are.  Most of them don’t bug me as much.  M...most of them!

I’m hopping back on the Story train since obviously that was my main focus, but the decision to have Seal sort of “reveal” their true nature (or at least have a jealousy-related anger burst) to Octavio as an animated cutscene was one I’d decided pretty early.  Which is also why, unsurprisingly, I was debating getting voice actors for a hot minute.  But I wouldn’t have used it anywhere else in the game, so I opted not to.  I also wanted to keep the file size low, but that wound up not happening so much, h-haha...   For someone who uses the only engine without native support for videos, I sure do like making animated cutscenes, huh.

Anyway.  This scene originally bridged Octavio’s section of the game to Pablo’s, which would’ve been (for some reason) in an abandoned hospital.  But that didn’t pan out because it didn’t fit what I wanted the game to be and also by switching the order of the two, it builds up more tension(?) on the kind of character you expect Seal to be.  I hope their very first “fuck off, maybe” took someone out there by surprise!

This also was the point when I decided I wanted to commission an original soundtrack, since nothing quite got across what I wanted at the time.  Which is when I put out my silly ad post and somehow managed to get the amazing ProjectTrinity to compose for me...!  I’m still amazed by the sheer quality of music he made for my little RPGMaker game.

Having the teen characters curse was also something I waffled on for a bit.  Clearly, I dwell on the important things as a writer.  I wanted it to contrast the cutesy, kidlike way the siblings talk and also the sort of squeaky-clean image the witches (particularly Seal) present to the kids by contrasting how they talk to each other, most importantly how Seal talks to Haze and their other friends.  I did have the same issue with the Mother in my first game, but I opted to not have her curse at all either since she’s childish in her own way, too.  But that’s not for THIS game’s postmortem, get otta here!!!

I also very much was set on a “battle” with words being the final event of the game.  Though I had a hard time imagining what that would be initially, but eventually arrived at a sort of fake battle system that was introduced in the mine.  The setting for this battle changed with time (everywhere from the park to the academy and in between) was considered...!  The dirty secret is that while I did like the decision to make it take place in the voids between worlds, I also sort of did not want to draw the staircase in the witch academy.  Originally, the kids would’ve also helped Haze “reach” Seal (who was putting actual obstacles in the way), but I guess in my own way, I wanted to give Haze the ability to confront Seal on their own, one-on-one.  Or something like that...!  I also didn’t want to add too much needless backtracking.

I’m... unsure what other point I really want to make, so I guess I’ll end this here unless anyone has anything in particular that interests them they’d want me to answer!

All in all, this game means a lot to me and took a chunk of my life to make and I really hope it’s able to reach at least one person who might need it, even if it’s only a little. 

To all of you who gave it a try, thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart.

A shameless link to the game:  [itch.io] & [RMN]

[joytoasheshq]

below is christine’s sample application for ned stark. applications won’t be posted in full with acceptances. this is to provide another example of what i’m looking for in applications. a big thank you to christine for providing this sample, and making me cry over papa wolf! hope this is helpful and enjoy!!

OOC.

name: Christine

age: 26

pronouns: they/them

timezone: EST

triggers: {omitted}

in the game of thrones you win or you die, would you be open to your character dying?: as much as the idea crushes me, it would feel DISHONEST to say no (and I’d be more than happy to play another character after Ned ofc)

anything else: n/a

IN CHARACTER.

full name: Eddard “Ned” Stark

gender + pronouns: nonbinary, he/him    it’s only recent that Ned’s felt comfortable exploring his gender identity and sexuality; raised in a family of cops, there were certain standards of masculinity that were expected of him and he never felt fully comfortable opening that particular box of worms. but within a supporting and loving relationship with a woman he trusts entirely, he’s felt better about exploring that side of himself and admitting that he never fully fit into the boxes he tried to fit into when he was younger.

age & dob: 35, July 21, 1983

faceclaim: Yahya Abdul-Mateen II

personality: + he’s reliable, above all: he can be counted on to do what he says he will do, no matter what it is. it makes him easy to trust, easier to understand. straightforward and loyal to those he’s promised his loyalty to. + a compassionate person, he has an understanding and empathetic soul. always willing to listen, to provide a word of advice. x being honorable is a double-edged sword, a coin with two sides: it endears him to some, makes him valued by those who have reason to value him. but it also makes him easy to manipulate – he is not playing the game that everyone else seems to be playing, which means that more often than not he ends up a pawn. x as a father, a husband, a brother, and a friend, he is protective; he’s lost too many people not to be. he’ll defend those he cares about as far as he needs to in order to keep them safe. - with all that, though, comes a naive optimism that can be dangerous in a world like this. it’s not that he expects anyone to be as honorable as he is, not that he doesn’t understand that people lie, and cheat, and steal, and kill. he knows this better than anyone. but he sees no point in going on if he can’t have some kind of hope, can’t let himself see the best in people. - his morality is inflexible, with no shades of gray: there is what’s right and what is wrong. and he knows the world is not so simple– knows people do wrong things for right reasons and right things for wrong reasons, knows there is always a way to blur the line. but that blurring is a slippery slope, and it’s easier to keep focus on that simple binary of right and wrong and let everything else fall into place around it.

headcanons:

( trigger warnings: pregnancy complications, death )

1. His father is a cop. His father is a cop, and his father’s father is a cop, and his father’s father’s father was a cop before that. He grows up in the shadow of it, never a question in his mind of what he would grow up to become: the men in his family, they protect the city, they always have, and so will he, when he’s old enough. Just like his father. Just like his older brother does, a few years before he can.

High school, college, the police academy. He is a star student. He prides himself on being a just and honorable man, just like his father. Just like Brandon. He models himself after them in every fathomable way. He admires them. His father, chief of police. His brother, charismatic and well-loved and engaged to a woman he so clearly adores. They are his heroes: he lives happily in their shadow, feeling a little like a child among giants, like he’ll always be reaching up to try to be as tall as them, like he’ll always be tripping over the shoes they leave to fill.

When they die– both of them, at once, as if one wasn’t enough to shatter him into pieces, as if one wasn’t enough loss to have him grieving for a lifetime– when they die, trying to subdue the riots, to stop the chaos, he tries to fill their shoes. He becomes a part of things, not just a rookie cop but a voice for the people, or, for Robert maybe, or– god, but he gets lost in it. The violence, the chaos, the city in turmoil. It is impossible to see a clear way out, through the fog and the confusion and the grief.

He’s not proud of it. But at the end of the day, all he’s got is the people he has left – Benjen, Robert, Jon – and a determination to never let it happen again.

2. She’s dying, when he finds her. His sister, little Lyanna. She’s always been little Lyanna but he feels it now more than ever, holding her hand in bed, thin and shaking. Complications with a pregnancy he had no idea existed. Complications that an adequate doctor could have fixed, if they’d gotten there in time, if she’d given birth in a hospital where the doctors would have had files about her history of blood clotting, if someone had been there to catch the signs of a pulmonary embolism, if only, if only, if only. If only she hadn’t felt the need to run away, when a pregnancy test confirmed her fears. If only she had felt like she could tell anyone. But she’s dying, already, and he’s not a doctor; he’s barely even a cop, 23 years old and only six months on the force.

There’s nothing you can do, she says, her voice weak. It’s okay, it’s not your fault. Just– promise me something, please.

And he’d promise her anything, in that moment, his little sister, promise her the entire world and do anything he could to deliver. When the doula hands him her son– premature, too small, tiny hands gripping at nothing, tiny mouth searching blindly in the air for a mother to latch onto– he promises.

He leaves Dorne with the baby in his arms, and when the baby starts to cry, he finds that he is crying, too. Can’t stop himself. He has buried too many people, for his age, and all in a year. A father, a brother, a sister. He knows it isn’t true– knows there’s Benjen, still, knows there’s Robert, knows there’s Jon– but for a moment it feels like his world has shrunk down, and the only things left in it are himself and this baby boy and the snow falling around them.

He is a good man. He will be a good father. He will keep every promise to his sister he ever made. He will keep her child safe, call him his own. Tell whatever story he needs to, so that no one knows what Lyanna didn’t want them to know.

3. Cat is… a revelation. An unexpected surprise. He knew her, of course, before it all. Brandon’s girl. He’d looked forward to calling her a sister-in-law, once. She is bright and she is clever and she is kind and she is too much, for him, too good to be true. He’s… trying, as far as fatherhood goes, but he never meant to be a father at 23, at 24. He’s quit the force, living off the meager inheritance his father left behind until Jon is old enough to go to school, because he can’t bear the though of leaving his son alone, of hiring someone else to watch him, of doing anything that might separate them. Because what if something were to happen? What if he were to lose Jon, too?

He agrees to dinner with Cat because he’s always liked her. He’s never thought of her as anything other than Brandon’s girlfriend, Brandon’s fiancee. Never wanted to: they were so in love. Brandon was so happy. Brandon would have done anything for her. He agrees to dinner with Cat because he needs someone who is sharing in his grief, and because she says she knows a great babysitter who can help out for the night.

He doesn’t mean to fall in love.

But she’s not Brandon’s anything, anymore. But Brandon’s gone. And they get along in so much other than their grief. More than he expects. And dinner one time turns into dinner once a week, turns into nights spent together, turns into moving in… and Catelyn makes him a better man. Makes him a better person. Makes him feel like maybe he can actually do it all.

She’s the one who encourages him to start something new. To build something from the wreckage. And so he starts Stark Security – he’s got the skills he needs, after all, even if he isn’t willing to risk his life anymore. Even if he isn’t willing to risk his family.

And they start a family.

4. Fatherhood suits him, it turns out. First Robb and then Sansa, and then the twins so soon after. And Jon, of course, a few years older than them all, and growing up so well. Just entering his moody pre-teen years. Stark Security means he can sit behind a desk, keep a regular 9-5, pick the kids up from school and be home in time for dinner every night. He takes up cooking, old family recipes. He reads bedtime stories and helps kids out of baths and into fleece footie pajamas. His face is sore from smiling, his voice hoarse from laughing. His chest feels warm, and large, and full, when he hears his childrens’ voices.

The loss still hits him, sometimes, like a wrecking ball. He wants to tell his father about something funny Sansa said. He wants to show Brandon a picture of the twins. He wants big family cookouts on warm June evenings. He wants someone to tell him they’re proud of him.

But there are better things to fill the gaps, better balms to salve the wounds. His kids, they give him purpose, give him a reason to get up in the morning and try to be a better person every single day. And his family gives him something to fight for, something to protect. They make him want to make Westeros a better place again.

INTERVIEW

vi. do you feel fulfilled in life?

    “I do. I really do. When I quit being a cop, I thought I might never feel that way again. You know how it is: you grow up around all that, you start to think there’s one right path towards fulfillment or whatever. But my kids– It’s worth everything else I’ve ever lost, just to have them.  They make me feel fulfilled every day, even if they’re a handful sometimes.”

vii. have you ever lost someone you loved?

    “Yeah,” he says, and it comes out more as an exhale than as a real word, hardly any voice behind it. Just the word is enough that he almost gets lost in it, the memories. Dad and Brandon’s funeral – one funeral, two caskets, and the way the sky opened up as soon as they’d been lowered into the ground like the world knew how impossible it would be to go on without them. Lyanna, and all the secrets she carried with her when she went, all on her own. Sometimes, he remembers it and he thinks for a minute it might break him. It might, except that he’s got people now who will help him keep going.

    “Yeah, a couple a’ people. It’s– it sucks, doesn’t it?”

ix. who was your last text to, and what did it say?

    “Let’s see,” he says, sliding his phone from his pocket and unlocking it with his thumbprint. Opens texts, scrolling back through one or two unanswered ones to the last one he sent…  CATELYN 😍 displayed across the top of the screen, and a few messages in a row below it, hey babe omw home / picking up dinner want me to pick up anything else? / 😉 /  maybe–

As he reads the messages that follow, he can feel his cheeks grow warm, blushing slightly. Maybe not the most appropriate series of messages to read out loud… He clears his throat, scrolls back one message father.

    “It was to Robert,” he says, before reading it out loud: “The good donut shop or the cheap one?”

EXTRAS (OPTIONAL):

x. pinterest x. inspo tag & edits x. playlist

[yelloskello]

just wrote a ridiculously long post musing on the influence of media on my roleplaying decisions and then realized it was a fuckin novel and now i’m just gonna... delete it all and start over

basically, like. There’s a noticeable trend in roleplaying circles for most folks to play mostly if not entirely dudes - not all obviously, but a significant enough chunk to make that statement. I remember there being a thread on the forums I frequent where someone asked about it and asked for the reasoning behind people choosing to play one gender over the other, and the vast majority response from roleplayers of any gender was playing guys for one reason or another, ranging from ‘idk I just prefer them’ to ‘i never really thought of women as being able to be cool or flawed or interesting’. Which makes sense, considering we live in a society where so so so so so many female characters in popular media are written as either Nagging Only Sane People There To Bring The Wacky Guys Back Down, or Bland Pretty Things with the personality of a turnip.

and like. i’m wondering why I ended up going the completely opposite direction, where 80% of my characters are women, and it wasn’t a recent development that grew with my feminism, either - i’ve preferred making lady characters for as long as i’ve been able to pick up a pencil, and what dudes I make tend to lean towards being effeminate, emotionally open, and gentle. (And when they’re not, they tend to be pretty explicitly gay/bi/pan. A couple of my most masculine characters are the ones who are in ride-or-die relationships with my best friend’s dude characters.)

Basically the tl;dr of the thoughts came out to:

A: A HUGE chunk of the media I was taking in before even the age of 10 featured women as protagonists without ever presenting it as a Woman Story About Being Womanly, at least as far as I remember. Gender was just treated as a neutral playing field, never mentioned but with equal distribution throughout the stories, and I partook in a lot of stuff that showed the story from a woman’s perspective. A lot of this media I was introduced to by my sister, who, as long as I can remember, has been GNC and interested in GNC things. I ALSO partook in kinda fringe stuff like small-time webcomics that had lady protagonists who acted straight up goofy and were never remotely sexualized, and at least one of those things was MASSIVELY formative for me, to the point where the first comic I ever drew at the age of 8 was basically just like... A blatant ripoff of that comic. Like. That comic was the reason I got into my lifelong passion of comics.

B: By some fucking miracle, while gender did have an influence on my upbringing, it wasn’t... Super significant. Gender roles were not heaped heavily upon me by my parents (which is kinda shocking, considering they’re like, die hard conservative christians), and when they did Heap it, it was easy enough to just kinda... Ignore it.* I was never chided for doing things that weren’t Stereotypically Feminine: wearing clothes “for boys”, having a majority of friends who were boys, doing activities that one would think of in a gendered sense as ‘boy stuff’, actively rejecting the societal expectation to get married and have kids, etc. 

Honestly, I think a lot of this was basically just dumb luck, though: I was still feminine enough that my mom wasn’t alarmed when I started wearing clothes intended for boys. My adamant refusal of marriage/children was and IS STILL responded to with a smile and a joke and obviously thinking i’ll change my mind one day. I’ve always kept my hair VERY short, and was even encouraged to by my mom, but the styles I wear are still some degree of feminine - pixie cuts and shit - and the reason she’s encouraging is because SHE wore her hair short growing up and just thinks it’s cute. By the time I started branching into mohawks and undercuts, my mom was getting to a point where she was more concerned with having a good relationship with her kids and being positive no matter what than whether or not I didn’t look straight. (I can always tell that she doesn’t particularly like it, but is trying to be supportive when I show up with a ‘weird’ haircut.)

(my dad, on the other hand, made a stink when I wanted my first undercut, told me i’d ‘look like a d***’ and would ‘never get a boyfriend’. but he was kinda distant anyways due to his job and didn’t really have a lot of involvement or say over my choices growing up.) my point is, though, that gender may not have been entirely a neutral playing field growing up, but I was never taught/it never sunk in for me that women shouldn’t be rowdy or ‘boyish’ or loud or strive for greater things, and I wasn’t punished or discouraged for being that way myself. The combination of these two things basically meant that I was seeing women who got to act just like the Cool Boy Characters out there on the regular, didn’t really make a big deal about gender/gendered things, and the tendency for women to be bland or unlikeable in a lot of media just kinda went over my head.

...plus i’m sure there was some Big Gay buried in there somewhere where I’ve just always preferred the look of women so if I wanted to rip off some Funny Likeable Boy character from a tv show i’d do it n i’d make them a lady. They’re more interesting to look at and more fun to draw! what do you want from me

Also, looking back on the first point: I wonder if growing up with media like that is why I VASTLY prefer stories that just HAVE diversity that isn’t really the focus, versus Queer Stories or Nonbinary Stories or Women Stories or Mentally Ill Stories or so on and so forth. While I want to see someone like me out there fighting dragons n shit, while i’m like ‘holy shit this character is bi?? she’s MINE NOW’ in a story that’s mostly about trying to survive political intrigue and navigating a cutthroat court, I just feel Tired when there’s a story that’s clearly about navigating anxiety or dealing with sexism on the daily or somesuch. I get they’re meant to be relatable, but i’m like... I live that shit every day, I don’t want an extra dose of it here, too. I’d rather just see people like me getting to be the cool heroes we liked reading about growing up. I want my mental issues and my queerness and my gender, I just want DIVERSITY to be just as default as the Default Straight White Man Protagonist, to just be mundane, not a beacon of being Different with stories that cater to how Different I am, constantly reminding me that I am Different and that this story isn’t widely relatable and caters to a certain audience of Different People. There’s a fine line between ‘we’re all different and we need to understand there’s nothing wrong with that’, and ‘this makes me feel more distant and isolated from other groups than ever before’.

but that’s just my personal taste. Anyways.

wow this ended up being just as fricken long as my original post on this, good job me

(*except for like... this had a lot of different factors, but in my young to mid teens, I very much felt like i’d never land a boyfriend and that no guy could ever actually find me attractive. Some of this was due to an abusive friend who was isolating me while simultaneously reminding me about how important it was to be desirable to men; some of it was due to how much subtle anxiety my mom projected on me about behaviors I should upkeep so I would look desirable to men. ‘don’t put the elbows on the table so that you look proper when you’re out on a date!’ sorta crap. Some of it was due to being unaware of how FUCKEN BI I was (REAL BI, now that I look back on it) and brought up in a homophobic setting so it never occurred to me that there was more than just dudes. That anxiety was the closest I ever really came to feeling like I was failing at femininity, though.)

[tumblunni]

Brainstorming about my yokai watch ocs: Dimmy and Gorgeous Ambassador, the most cutest family

* My Dimmy's name is Blythe and they are nonbinary. Gorgeous Ambassador is male and i dont have a name for him yet. I was thinking maybe try and make up a dub name for kageusuo (anime exclusive pre evolution) that sounds like it could have been his nickname as a human? Cos his story is that he used to be a wandering mercenary in ye olde ninja times, i feel like itd be fitting.

* Blythe is the main partner of my protagonist in my yokai watch lp, basically the jibanyan of the anime of my heart. Their personality is mostly similar to the Dimmy in the anime, but i feel like theyre maybe older and more powerful than the average Dimmy? Like a weak low evolution yokai thats stayed unevolved for centuries and is actually more skilled and world weary than you'd assume. Protag just got lucky that she bumped into this one super magikarp, lol! Also i like to draw them looking more teenage age by just taking the regular Dimmy design and making the tail extra super long. They stand roughly twice as tall as the protagonist and can wrap around her shoulders like a scarf :3 Blythe is however totally unaware of their super powerful mega skill and is very self depreciating and low confidence. But Mallory totally sees them as a cool older sibling mentor figure and is always trying to figure out ways to make their tol squiggle friend feel included and valued :3

* the way Gorgeous Ambassador comes into the picture is that he was actually the same sort of figure to Blythe! Back in the ninja era Blythe was partners with another human, but he passed away in tragic circumstances and it led to their current depressed self. However he actually reincarnated as a yokai and has been trying to find his lil sibling ever since! I feel like he was a failure samurai who tried to protect people but was so weak he never could. And he was always broke and starving and begging to do any sort of miscellaneous jobs for anyone or even let them punch him in the stomach for a few coins. And he had just as much self confidence issues as Blythe but he coped with it by becoming a compulsive liar instead, always boasting and trying to sell himself as some legendary hero to keep from facing the truth. Since Blythe was a cute lil babby yokai at the time, they always believed their human master's tall tales and looked up to him, which made him feel really guilty and try harder to work on becoming someone this kid could be genuinely proud of.

* Blythe was first born as a household spirit. Cos i was thinking about what Dimmy would be before it became a ninja, since the medallium description says it 'got a job as a ninja to put its powers to use', so like it isnt really a ninja yokai but just a yokai thats a ninja? I guess?? I figured that the idea of being an invisible shadow supporter fit with household spirits/domovoi/zakishi warishi (probably mispelled that) and the various other similar creatures in mythologies all over the world. Just the idea that theres some sort of being that protects your house and if you give it offerings and take good care of the place it will protect you and your family. So yeah its my headcanon that thats how Dimmys are born, and that theres probably many variants wearing different outfits inspired by whatever type of humans they guarded. Tho yeh ninja is a job that works really well with their abilities so it makes sense itd be the primary representative of the species in the games.

* Human-dude-who-would-become-gorgeous-ambassador first met Blythe when one of his various failed attempts to get a job happened to cross paths with the family Blythe was guarding. This family didnt believe in such old suspicions and never gave offerings to their household spirit, so it stayed small and weak and was almost fading away. Baby blythe didnt know why their humans didnt love them, even though they tried so hard to bring good luck and clean the fireplace and stuff. So they felt a sense of kinship with this poor failure samurai who was begging for food on their doorstep. The humans of the household spat in his face and turned him away empty handed, but the tiny yokai snuck some rice from the pantry and gave it to him. They were surprised that he was able to see them, and he gave them the first thank you they'd ever had!

* Addendum note: i feel like gorgeous samurai was cursed with being able to see yokai from a young age and its part of whay made him so determined to become strong enough to protect people. Perhaps his biological family was killed by an evil yokai and nobody ever believed what he saw? And he wandered japan trying to save other people and always failing and being blamed for what happened, since nobody could see the real culprit. This reputation of being a liar when he wasnt = he ended up actually lying about how he was totally fine and not sad and also great and not hating himself. Its not really something he can control anymore, its like a stress response and it keeps getting him in trouble but he cant stop. "Yes sure i can save the day, i'm awesome!" only makes things worse when he inevitably loses again, whic only makes his self confidence worse and traps him further in the lies...

* so anyway, he became friends with this lil babby yokai and kept coming back to visit them and tell more tall tales of his grand adventures. And eventually he managed to help Blythe come out of their shell a little and agree to leave this house where they were only fading away. Haunting him instead, the lil shadow soon flourished back to full health from being loved for the first time. And their new big bro would always give them the biggest share of all the food even when he was starving, and always wasted his money buying things for them, and knitted them lil scarfs and just HE WAS A GOODEST BIG BRO! They also made a great team, and he was finally able to fight evil yokai with a yokai of his own helping him out. Things were good for a few years!

* Eventually though, they faced a foe too strong for them to defeat. (Not sure yet who it is, cos it could be cool if they faced it again in the present day for a rematch?) Blythe's human friend ran into a burning building to save the people being attacked by this yokai, but because he was already gravely injured he didnt manage to make it out in time. And blythe was just a tiny bab who wasnt strong enough to carry his unconcious body to safety. So their last memories of him are of crying and begging him to wake up as the house fell apart all around them, and eventually the flames swallowed him up. the tiny yokai just ran and ran away from their shame, and never saw an ashy figure rising from the ruins and calling their name...

* eventually after years of struggling alone and lacking meaning in life, Blythe had a chance meeting with our protagonist and thus begins my yokai watch 1 lets play! At the same time their yokaified big bro is still out there searching for them, and maybe one day theyll meet again...

* also i wanna go with the pre-evo the anime added of Gorgeous Ambassador evolving from a sad depressed vampire lookin dude. Even if the whole circumstances here are vastly different! But we dont really have any info on what kageusuo's powers or stats would be, so i guess i'm free to mess around with that? I like the idea of it being vampiric just cos i feel it looks like that. But instead of drinking blood maybe its a hunger for shadows? Which is actually beneficial to humans and makes them less overshadowed aka the opposite of Dimmy's power. So if you ever feel that you're radiating charisma with perhaps a slightly lighter shadow, maybe youve been inspirited by this guy! And then the evolution into Gorgeous Ambassador doesnt actually change anything at all, except just looking more fashionable and confident (which is absolutely a lie). His power already made people more fabulous while being unable to affect himself, he just worked a bit harder on himself to try and catch up with everyone else. Self care vampire!

* oh and in this interpretation the way that kageusuo would be integrated into the gameplay is that Gorgeous Ambassador would get a new ability that lets him switch forms in battle, rather than it being a separate yokai. (Tho would still have a separate entry in the medallium just for conveinience of being able to view both character models whenever you want) Stuff that causes low confidence would make him poof between forms, and itd just be something like more attack based vs defense based, or maybe having two separate personality stats so its like his AI is slightly more versatile than the usual frustratingness of most yokai? Srsly im still so annoyed at so many yokai that have two mutually exclusive moves and the ai is stupid about using them at the wrong time to cancel each other out. Like how Dimmy can be given the AI personality to focus on attacking and thus take advantage of its auto-skill to be good at dodging aka a glass cannon. BUT also one of its skills gives that same status to an ally instead, which by definition takes it away from itself cos 'dont target this other guy' means there arent many other options. So you cpuld alternatively play dimmy as a supporter who exclusively protects others with that ability BUT the annoying part is that even when you set an AI profile to one particular move it still only makes it LIKELY to do that and not guaranteed. So every now and again your attacking dimmy will cancel its own buff to protect an enemy, or your supporting dimmy will forget to support abd instead buff itself despite not having the attack stat build to take advantage of it. Plus you cant have both and switch between modes mid battle, so thatd be REALLY useful if one yokai actually could do that, and also could change stats to fit! Im not sure how to give it a trigger condition thatd let you sorta change at will but also not be 100% easy and overpowered. I was thinking tying it to his confidence could mean missed attacks turn him into kageusuo and critical hits turn into gorgeous? But thatd be TOO uncontrollable...

* oh actually i think maybe i'll nickname him Amber! Just cos my brain just mispronounced gorgeous ambassador and It Kinda Works??? Also its a kind of name that sounds very pretty but also has connotations of gentle shyness, i think. Matches the duality of his fake boastfulness vs his true self doubt.

* Oh and i also thought of maybe having Blythe evolve into Casanono, even though you cant do that in canon. I feel like turning into a pretty humanoid would be a good way to symbolize their growing confidence ans casanono/casanuva has a big nonbinary aesthetic in my opinion. Plus of course the fact casanono is a variabt of a confident yokai thats actyally shy. Originally older brother dude was gonna be a casanuva to match, until i heard about Gorgerous Ambassador and decided it fits him better (especially with that new anime form!) So now im thinking maybe have Blythe be both casanono and casanuva at once, similar to their bro's form switching? But itd be more like casanuva is a rare super saiyan esque powerup when they experience rare moments of confidence. Im pretty much just doing this because SADLY casanono is a joke character who is literally mechanically forced to be useless in battle. Its ability makes it harder to catch yokai which ia already goddamn difficult, and it wastes a skill slot too. As opposed to Dimmy who has a similar personality of always being ignored and depressed but its abilities are actually beneficial. Itd suck to go from Blythe being my mvp to being unable to use them at all, so this would be a way to still always draw them as casanono in comics to match their actual personality, but using casanuva in battle cos.. Well.. Yeah its the functional one of the two. Level-5 if youre listening please make casanono useable in future games!! Casanuva is absolutely the worst one personality wise so it sucks that the game agrees with his ego that he's great and also punches his depressed counterpart into the bin of ignoreness DESPITE BEING SUPER SYMPATHETIC AND RELATEABLE AND ALSO CUTER COLOURSCHEME

Anyway thats all the thoughts i have so far. Except oh also itd be funny if throughout the whole story blythe keeps talking about their dead brother as if he was the super best most serious hero and then when the protagobists actually meet him he's this gaudy dork XD

[giogio-golden]

an honest review of voltron (edited)

I know no one asked for it. I know I don’t have to write this. But I want to and I think I need to let out a lot of my feelings in order to feel some closure after the ending to a show that has had such an impact on my life. Prepare for a long post. These are my feelings and I’m open to conversation about this amazing show.

A Summary (in case you don’t wanna read the whole thing) This show has meant a lot to me. I’ve met friends through the fandom, been inspired by the characters and the story and found happiness in times when it felt hard to go on. I’ve never been so invested in a show the way I have with voltron, and even if the ending was a massive disappointment and there were many flaws, it will always have a place in my heart.

I’m gonna miss it

To start off, I’ll just say this review will have nothing to do with shipping or the fandom, because that’s a different rant that I think we’re all sick of hearing. The fandom had both a positive and negative impact on me, but I wanna focus on the show itself and not my opinions on ships or any of that. I will touch on ad@shi and a!lurance but in relation to the fact that both these ships were canon and in the show. This rant is mostly just me letting feelings out, but there will be criticism.

The Characters

Pidge Pidge was one of my favorite characters right from the beginning. I heard her voice for the first time and felt such a strange joy in my heart that I still can’t explain to this day. She was a character that I could relate to, even if I’m not nearly as smart as her. She’s tough and not traditionally feminine, which is so important to represent in a character. I will admit, her search for her family had me in tears, but I do think she deserved to be treated more like an adult who had gone through a traumatic experience of war. By the end of the show, she was around 17 or 18 (correct me if I’m wrong) after all the time skips, and had definitely matured greatly. The scenes where she gives up her video game for Allura and where she is able to see the history of the planet (I’m blanking on the name) were so amazing and made me so happy to see. Not to mention I have a bit of bias towards Bex, because I too am nonbinary as hell. Pidge has meant a lot to me as a character and I’m going to miss her after all this time.

Hunk Oh Hunkie how I adore you. Hunk has always been such an underappreciated character. He’s an engineer and a chef and a goofy scardey cat defying stereotypes of what it means to be “manly.” He’s also strong and tough, aside from all his fear. I wish we could’ve seen more of him, seen more growth, seen him rise and mature the same way the others did. Unfortunately, he was reduced to a bit of a comic-relief character, especially towards the end of the show. I love him all the same, he’s more like me than I care to admit, both of us being chubby and loving food and being scared easily. No one could ask for a better friend than Hunk

Keith It took me a while to warm up to Keith. He’s not the kind of character I usually fall in love with easily, but now he has my heart. Although he stole the spotlight of the show for a bit, his arc really was impactful. Keith went through a lot, finding his family and his self-worth. It was clear that it took a toll on him, but he was still able to be a leader and find compassion for his teammates. He’s shown the most growth throughout the series and it shows. Keith is a well-written character who deserved more love from everyone. Seeing him turn down being the leader of the galra in favor of forming a relief team from the blad was so incredible. Especially considering the fact that he let Lotor’s former generals join him. I wish the show had done more with a sort of “galra-form” Keith and delved more into the whole “not all galra are bad” trope. But overall, Keith has won me over Shiro Honestly, the show did not do great things for Takashi Shirogane. He’s amazing representation, being disabled, gay, and asian. He’s tough and strong and everyone fell in love with “space dad.” Though the show was going to kill him off and decided against it, probably because of his popularity in the fandom. Despite this, I wonder if there was more to him that wasn’t quite established because of this change in decision. I’ve always felt like there was something missing from Shiro (aside from his arm and mental stability), but I can never quite put a finger on it. I’ve always felt so attached to him, and seeing him rise up and survive through all the trauma to become captain of the atlas was so powerful. Especially with the implications of a name like atlas. His portrayal in terms of being a gay man was lackluster, especially in the last season where he barely had any lines that weren’t shouting orders (aside from the filler episodes). Shiro deserved better, he deserved to be a paladin for a lot longer, he deserved some closure, something more to show us all that our struggles and oppression do not define us. I’ll always love Shiro, no matter what his hair or his arm looks like, he means a lot to me.

Lance Lance, my sweet baby boy, my angel. I’m gonna admit I’m a bit biased, but Lance was also mistreated in the show. I’m not talking about being comic relief or getting “bullied” by the other characters. I’m talking about his ending. Lance started off as a cocky fighter pilot just wanting to rise to the top. His insecurities and sensitivity showed early, but he matured as time went on. He saved the lives of the other paladins numerous times, he served as moral support when Shiro went missing, he even learned to admit that he wasn’t quite as smart as Hunk or Pidge, and was not a prodigy like Keith. He had some great development. By the end of season 7, I was ready for him to get some well-needed love and support for all that he’s been through. I didn’t get that. I got a weird, stagnant version of Lance, serving mostly as support for Allura, who didn’t seem nearly as devoted to him as he was to her (but that rant will be later, stay tuned). I was especially with the scene when he was talking to Alfor. All the other og paladins had something nice to say, but Alfor only talking about Lance’s relationship with his daughter. His ending was frustrating, not seeing him flying with the MFE pilots or training a new generation of paladins. It was even a weird tease to see him holding the “LGBT” sign with Shiro and not have any interactions with them about that, while the other pairs all got some sort of plot around their signs. He was destined for greater things and I hope he gets them one day.

Lotor This poor man deserved so much better. I think we all agree that in the end, Lotor was portrayed as an abuse victim who lost to abuse and was considered evil for doing all he knew to do to survive. He was an amazing villain and a lovable character who even tricked the audience into seeing things in a certain light. His generals had amazing designs and they all had so much potential for so many different plotlines. But it didn’t end that way. Lotor succumbed to abuse and was always painted as evil and manipulative, even as a projection to trick Allura. The audience were the only ones who understood what he went through and although that had the potential for some good angst, it turned out to be glazed over in favor of many different angles. Lotor meant a lot to a lot of people, especially abuse victims who saw themselves in him. But it turns out that overcoming a situation like that isn’t possible even for someone as strong and determined and compassionate as Lotor. It was a shitty message to send to what is supposed to be a young audience.

Coran Now there’s not a lot I wanna say about Coran, mostly because I never felt attached to him. But through a conversation with a friend, I realized he should’ve been space dad from the beginning. He could’ve been the father character to all the paladins, could’ve been more that comic-relief, should’ve been given humanizing moments to grieve over his planet and even Allura. This man is so resilient and like a lot of these characters, shows that being a “man” is more than just being tough and strong and bruting, it’s about feeling love and being happy and spreading that love and happiness as much as possible

Allura Last but not least is Allura. Her death was devastating. Unfortunately I never really felt attached to her. Her character didn’t feel very developed. She learned to accept Keith and pilot blue, but the sacrifice she made, in the end, is one she would’ve made from episode 1. She’s always been tough and determined and passionate about her home and its history. I wanted to see her humanized more, just like Coran. I wanted to know more about her loving sparkly things and not understanding human things like cows and milkshakes. She had so much potential and it all felt wasted on a weird plot for revenge and anger and bitterness that was never really dissolved. She’s an amazingly designed character and a lot of people love her, I hate knowing that she was given the ending she was given.

Overall Negatives

Character Development The show was going so strong for a while. Every character was aging and growing and making progress. Then the last few seasons happened and suddenly the focus was on the war and action sequences and getting the plot over with. Many characters started to feel stale, their development stopping or becoming stagnant. Especially in the last season, it felt like a lot was not resolved in terms of how characters grew over the course of the show. 

Character Interactions (This is not about ships or the fandom, it’s about canon interactions in the show. None of this is implying I wanted it to be endgame, that’s not what this is about)

Shiro/Keith Man, these two had so much potential. Keith loves Shiro in canon. He said so. Even if it’s a brotherly love, it was real and there and so powerful it brought Shiro back to life. Their bond was powerful and strong and inspired so many people watching, including me. All relationships are important, and seeing Keith mature and have someone believe in him was so meaningful to those who see themselves in him. Not only that, but Shiro had someone who believes in him too. After being left by his boyfriend and told his disease would kill him, Keith was still there, supporting him and ultimately keeping him alive. They’re such a good example of a healthy relationship, platonic or not. So what happened in season 8? I don’t have an answer. They barely interacted. When Keith was close to death Shiro acted like a soldier, not a friend. There was no closure with them, no expressions of how proud of each other they were, barely even a genuine interaction. It was very disappointing. I could go on about how angry this makes me but I still gotta lot to write about Lance/Allura Once again, so much good potential. These two could’ve developed so much more in their relationship. They had the potential to be cute and loving and strong leaders together. Not only was Allura killed off, but she was also written into Lance’s relationship with a strange lack of love for Lance. It felt one-sided and rushed. Lance’s maturity with handling the whole thing came out of nowhere and felt weird and forced. He wasn’t acting like his goofy self, which in turn can give off a message that he had to change and become more serious in order to gain her affections. Yet another bad message to send to a supposed young audience

Keith/Lance There was a lot going on between these two and a lot of good development. I loved their quiet personal moments in the last season, they were tender and personal and demonstrated the growth of both characters. But just like Keith and Shiro, there was something missing in their ending. No closure. They never seemed to interact aside from these more intimate moments in this season, with Lance’s focus being on Allura and Keith being mainly a leader of voltron. All The Paladins One of this show’s strong suits was the interaction between a found family. Especially this season, it felt lackluster. It felt like characters were being shoved aside for the sake of more plot and story and Allura’s whole arc. Not only that but in the end, they weren’t a family anymore. They went separate ways, Lance mourning Allura’s death, Keith going off to be a lone wolf in the blade, etc. It was all a bit disappointing, especially for someone like me who knows what it’s like to find a family outside of blood. It’s not easy to separate like that.  The Portrayal of the Effects of War A lot of my frustration with characters and interaction and the ending of the show was how it lacked a reflection of how war affects people. The paladins were an obvious example of young people being forced into a place where war is rampant and their trauma should have been made more clear! Lance’s ending would’ve made more sense if they talked about the war affecting him and needing to just be with his family and away from the fight. The weird character development could’ve included that they all have some bits of PTSD and permanent damage due to all they’ve been through, especially considering how young they are. Nothing felt resolved or had an impact in the ways it could have. The show was doing so well with portraying Shiro’s PTSD and pain and then flushed it all away, once again to hurry along a rushed plot. It makes me so upset as a writer and a lover of the show to see such potential themes done away with. 

Honerva and The Finale This show has some amazing villains. People love the galra and Lotor and his generals and Honerva and even Zarkon. They had such good potential and learning about their past was emotional and impactful. But there was no resolution. Exploring Honerva’s mind and the other dimensions/realms of the universe were overwhelming and confusing and didn’t leave much room for development. There was potential in having Lotor be resurrected. He could’ve shown Honerva that you can’t bring back the dead and that abusers don’t get to have their victims given back to them. He could’ve proven to the paladins that being a victim doesn’t mean you will lose to your abuser. He could’ve provided a catalyst for Allura to learn to forgive and understand instead of acting out of anger and bitterness without listening to the full story. He could’ve provided room for Lance to find some self-love and even a chance for Shiro to overcome his own demons. There was so much potential in having him return and still have Honerva be a redeemable character who found family the same way the paladins did. The finale could’ve been so much more. Lotor could’ve been so much more. But he was reduced to a corpse and Honerva lost the potential of being the best villain in the show.

Overall Positives

The Characters I already went in depth on a few characters specifically, but their designs both visually and personality-wise were amazing. Many people connected to each paladin, even more than one. We loved watching them grow, we love their voice actors, we love our own found family within such an amazing story.

The Staff Through thick and thin the cast and team of Voltron have been amazing. There will always be slip-ups and hard patches but they have done such an amazing job supporting the fans and fighting through the drama. All these people are so amazing and kind and I hope to see more of their work in the future.

The Galra and Other Aliens Like I said before, people love the galra. They love their designs, their story, their potential. The galra are cool villains that provide a lot of fun to the story and the fan content that comes out of it. All the alien designs were fun to play with, even Slav and bi boh bee. These side characters are creative and made the world feel even bigger.

The Animation Not only were the character designs visually appealing, but the animation itself improved so much over the course of the show. Characters visually aged, the shots of space became more detailed and beautiful, it was all so impressive. Voltron has one of my favorite animation styles I’ve ever seen.

The Filler Episodes Many people hate these episodes but darn it I love them. They were fun and light-hearted and dove into fun situations we all love to see our characters in. The fair, Kinkade’s camera, the D&D episode, the game show episode. They all made us laugh and remember why we love these characters and why we want them to succeed, while also making them more real and tangible.

The Representation This may be a controversial opinion, but the representation in this show is fantastic. 4 out of 5 paladins are people of color. Allura is a poc. Many side characters are of varying races. Even if we didn’t get perfect LGBT rep, we got some well-needed diversity in cartoons. Although I cannot speak to any inaccuracies or stereotypes people of color feel might’ve played a part, I can speak to the importance of having many different races on screen for all to see.

Show-Stopping Moments While the fandom was good at predicting a lot of plot points, the show was still able to leave us all stunned and speechless. We all have certain moments that made us sob, broke our hearts, gave us chills. From Keith’s blade trials, Zarkon’s death, Shiro’s disappearance and journey home, Keith’s fight with Shiro’s clone, Narti’s death, the reveal of the og paladin’s backstories, Lotor’s betrayal, Shiro transforming the atlas, and so many more, there are so many scenes that shook us to the core.

[team-free-squiggle]

T.A.R.D.I.S. Chapter 1: Roman + Bored = The Best Idea Ever

~~

Warnings: language, innapropriate jokes, fight scenes, certain song lyrics, Sympathetic Deceit, mentions of fear and anxiety, mentions of weaponry near the end

~~

Roman sat on the couch in the commons area of the mindscape, stunned as he tried to process that he had just finished the show that had quickly become his new favorite thing ever. What would he do now? No more new episodes until next year?

Doctor Who would have to wait a whole year? No more watching Tricey chase golf balls, no more watching the 9th Doctor fall in love with Rose Tyler, no more being introduced to different species across space and time? What would Roman do with his life and time now?

Logan would think this silly, he would say to just rewatch the series if it meant that much to him. Roman, however, knew from experience that you only get to see things the first time once, and that the feeling of rewatching is never quite the same as watching it the first time around.

Patton would be sympathetic, but would remind him that there would be a new season next year. Roman was not okay with this, he didn’t want to wait a year to see more of the Doctor’s grand adventures!

Roman knew that Virgil would understand, and would just hug Roman because he sympathized heavily. Actually, Roman recalled with a small, fond smile, Virgil was the one that got him into Doctor Who in the first place.

Roman didn’t really want to see his boyfriends right now, as he needed time to emotionally process everything that his boyfriends wouldn’t be able to understand, so he got up from the couch. After turning off the TV and the lights, he went to his room, and from there into the Kingdom of the Imagination.

Roman, upon entering Thomas’s Imagination, stopped to take in the view from his balcony in the palace. Little children raced each other in the village below, some playing games like soccer or just relaxing and talking. Others in the village hung out with their friends, and walked around town just having fun. Roman couldn’t help but smile at the scene -  a happy, prospering village surrounded by a golden sunrise and lush green hills. A bright blue river babbled happily down from a nearby mountain into a small forest, which let in the light from the bright sun shining down over everything.

Roman felt himself ease into the familiarity of watching the sunrise, letting his creativity flow automatically into doing something worthwhile with his emotions. Roman never was one to laze around when he was feeling, because all of his emotions made his creative works that much better and that much more genuine.

Roman smiled at the handsome lords, gorgeous ladies, and stunning nonbinary royalty as he moved through the palace and they waved at him. He was friendly with everyone, no matter their supposed ‘status’ in his Kingdom. That’s why no one bowed, no one was too strict or formal - it was just a friendly, creative, supportive environment. Everything Roman needed to come up with a good idea.

Roman went to the theater. Modeled after the great William Shakespeare's Globe Theater, Roman always went there to stand on the stage alone and just think. It was a way for him to tap into centuries of creative energy, and to generate some of his best ideas. So he thought about Doctor Who, what he loved about it and what he wished he could do with those feelings about it.

It was during this time that Roman realized something - ‘What if I had my own adventures like the Doctor’s?’ Roman began to plan out loud - he would personally much rather travel through stories than travel through a universe that, while interesting, was much less appealing to him than the fantastical worlds he read about. He recognized the complication of needing a Tardis, however, and that’s where his creativity came in.

Roman channeled his emotions into a single thought, willing the object in his mind to become reality and to do everything he wanted it to do and more.

~~

Virgil, Patton, and Logan were looking for their boyfriend. Thomas wanted to discuss some video ideas with the Sides, and they definitely needed Creativity for that. They couldn’t find him anywhere in the mindscape, though, and were beginning to become worried.

Logan realized, luckily, that they hadn’t checked Imagination, which is where Roman was likely to be, especially since he probably wanted to create something. This calmed them all down quite a bit, especially Virgil since he was the literal embodiment of Anxiety.

They sunk down into Roman’s room, quickly making their way to his extravagant theater. They were greeted by the other royalty in the palace with great enthusiasm, and were suddenly reminded that they, too, were all Princes in Roman’s world of Imagination.

They were polite to them all, but did insist that they had to find Roman. The people in the palace confirmed their suspicion that Roman was, in fact, inside his theater. They thanked everyone and made their way to their boyfriend happily, glad he was already in Creative (albeit borderline Daydream) Mode, and walked into the theater to see Roman, on stage, staring happily at a British Police Public Call Box.

They all stopped, Patton and Logan stopping out of confusion. Virgil had stopped out of shock, before making a very high pitched, practically inhuman shriek of happiness and running towards the stage. Roman turned around, startled, luckily with enough time to catch Virgil who had literally leapt into his arms with an excited “OHMYGODROMAN!!!”

Roman laughed happily, kissing Virgil softly before opening the door to the Tardis. Patton and Logan moved slowly towards the stage, extremely confused as to why Virgil was so excited over a freaking blue box.

Virgil took his boyfriends’ hands when everyone was on stage, pulling them towards and into the box.

“Uh, Virgil, I don’t think we’ll all… fit…” Logan trailed off when he stepped inside the bigger-on-the-inside, hella magical box.

He and Patton wandered around, admiring the hexagonal walls. It was a clean, dark blue and silver theme while having accents of bright blues. The thing that Logan identified as a control panel, however, had all sorts of red and purple and gold buttons. It was a mix of all their colours, and yet maintained a specific style that Logan could only assume was from whatever Roman had based this off of.

Patton noticed the picture frames of the four of them scattered around the large room, and he too saw the colours that went with all of them. He sat in the light blue bean-bag he discovered in the corner, admiring the room as Logan sat in the dark blue bean-bag next to him. Virgil collapsed into a black and purple bean-bag, pulling a red and gold one out for Roman, who sat next to them.

“Babe you made a Tardis, and it’s like… like… for all of us!!! How!? What!? You’re fucking amazing!” Virgil nuzzled into Roman’s side like the black cat he is, smiling as widely as the day Patton had asked him, Logan, and Roman out on a date the first time. Roman blushed happily.

“Well, I finished the show, and had a lot of emotions that I decided to put into a positive creative energy that could be used to make the four of us happy,” he whispered, slightly embarrassed. Patton and Logan were still staring around the box happily and in awe, and also hella confused as to what their other two boyfriends were going on about.

Virgil, on the other hand, knew exactly what Roman was feeling and hugged him.

“I’m so proud of you, doing this… it’s amazing, Ro.” Roman melted into the hug, heart melting slightly as his boyfriend said those words to him, of all people.

Logan and Patton smiled at their boyfriends for a moment, before the two broke apart and Logan got to ask the question that had been banging on the inside of his head for the last few minutes, since he had first seen the Tardis.

“So what the hell is this thing, exactly?” He exclaimed, not wanting to be confused anymore.

Before Patton could reprimand him for his language, Virgil jumped in with an explanation.

“In the show I recently introduced Roman to, Doctor Who, the main character can travel through Space and Time using his Tardis, which looks almost exactly like this. It’s the machine that travels through Space and Time, Logan. It can go anywhere, anywhen. It’s freaking amazing.” The other three Sides couldn’t help but notice how Virgil’s eyes lit up as he spoke, and god, he spoke with such passion that the others couldn’t help but fall in love with him even more.

Then Roman spoke up.

“While all of that is true, I, uh… I made some modifications. Instead of travelling through Space and Time, this Tardis travels through stories. We can go through books, and movies, and TV shows, and maybe more. I don’t know. I just wanted to make this so the four of us could have some very interesting dates.” He blushed a lot as he spoke, almost stuttering as he was unsure of how his boyfriends would respond. He looked down at the ground at the end, ready to have them shoot down his ideas.

When they didn’t say anything after a short while, Roman looked up. He was not prepared for how each of his boyfriends was looking at him, having prepared for disappointment and to be told no.

How wrong he was.

Instead, Logan was staring at him in admiration and awe, with a huge smile and a proud look in his eyes. Logan had had no idea that Roman would ever make something that appealed to all of them. He was impressed with how Roman did this, and that emotions could make something that could become everything to all of them.

Patton was smiling too, absolutely proud of his Creatively inclined boyfriend. Patton didn’t know exactly what Roman had done yet, but he was proud nonetheless. Plus he was excited for the potential of something to do with stories. Honestly, he was just bouncing excitedly as he looked at Roman, the background being one of Roman’s amazing creations.

Virgil, too, was smiling, and he moved towards Roman in order to hug him. Roman could only focus on that wonderful hug after the smile, though, because this one affected Roman the most. He knew Virgil held the context of what he was talking about. Not to mention, Virgil’s smile always melts Roman’s heart. The way that his face just lights up, but he somehow manages to smile with his eyes too.

Then there was the way that he was able to hug Roman and convey everything they both were feeling - anxiety, nervousness, yes - but creativity and passion and pure, unfiltered love and admiration. Logan and Patton joined, and all of a sudden Roman could feel that they were all impressed and happy and that all four of them loved one another without fear.

The emotions were almost overwhelming, but none of them minded. It was perfect for who the four of them are together - a family whose fire can never die. And with that feeling in mind, Roman fired up the engine of his family’s Tardis.

“All the stories, the tales, the arts in the world. Anything ever written or that will ever be written. Where would you like to start?” Roman smirked at his boyfriends, all four of them ready for the best adventure they would have to date.

[rainwindandstars]

Queer book recommendations!

Here is my promised list of queer books! I’ve included a small plot summary, what I liked about the books, what kind of representation they have (queer, disability, POC etc.) and warnings for common triggers. If you want to know more about a specific book, feel free to ask me! The order is random and says nothing about how much I liked a book. All the links go to the books’ goodreads pages, unless it is available for free online, then the link goes to where you can find it. Some of the authors have tumblrs, I’ve added those as well in case you want to follow them (I might have missed some, though). I have included a few novellas/novelettes in this posts, but I will probably make an additional post for queer short stories. Shoot me an ask if you want to be notified when I have done so!

The Second Mango by Shira Glassman  @shiraglassman (Fantasy/Romance)

Young lesbian queen Shulamit is looking for a girlfriend with the help of her bodyguard Rivka (who is a woman pretending to be a man) and the bodyguard’s shapeshifting dragon/horse, when they learn about a sorcerer who is turning women into stone and decide to rescue them.

This book is the first of the Mangoverse books (there are three others and one short story collection) and I really liked all of them. While the characters’ queerness is obviously important to the plot (especially in book one and two), the plot isn’t just about that and the characters also have adventures that have nothing to with their orientation (in book three they get to solve a crime). These books are very fluffy, not overly serious in tone (but also not too silly), with happy endings for all the queer characters. Ideal when you just want to read something lighthearted. Most of the characters are Jewish and later books also have bi and trans characters. There is some homophobia in the setting, esp. in book two, but for the most part the queer characters don’t have to suffer for being queer.

Shira has also written a bunch of other books which I’ve heard are very good, but I haven’t read them.

To Stand In The Light by Kayla Bashe @kayla-bird (Fantasy/Romance)

Shadow, a nonbinary transfem superhero with a tragic past saves the life of Bean, another young superhero and they quickly become friends. While Bean goes to superhero school, Shadow is away on adventures, and when they come back after a few years, they both have developed feelings for each other, but are too insecure and too scared they are not good enough for each other to admit it. And then a supervillain shows up…

This book deals with some quite heavy themes like different kinds of trauma, mental illness and disability, but it’s never grim and I actually count it as another “feel-good” book, because it also has the different characters be wonderfully supportive of each other. The character interactions are definitely the focus of this book, the superhero part is mostly just a background for them. Besides queer main characters, this book also has a lot of other minority representation- Shadow has PTSD and chronic pain, Bean has ADHD and is a Korean transracial adoptee, and there are also otherwise disabled characters, characters if colour, one Jewish character and one DID system (there were probably more, but those are the ones I remember). IIRC, there is no homophobia in the setting and only one minor case of transphobia. Tbh, this book isn’t actually all that great from a purely literary point but for me the characters and themes more than made up for it.

Pantomime by Laura Lam @lauraroselam (Fantasy)

Gene is intersex and runs away from home when his parents want to force him to have surgery to make him “a normal girl”. He joins a circus disguised as a boy and calls himself Micah. While he’s getting used to his new life, he finds out that the circus has some bad secrets and also starts to have strange visions.

This book is the first in a fantastic trilogy and my summary there doesn’t do it justice at all. Pantomime starts out with relatively few magical elements, but book two and three have more of those. This trilogy is more plot driven than my first two recommendations, and it’s probably also the closest to your typical fantasy novels.

Micah is intersex and bigender, one of the other main characters is a gay man and there was also a minor trans women character. Micah’s has to deal with intersexism, mostly in book one, but otherwise the characters don’t suffer for being queer. TW for domestic violence.

This is easily one of the best books I’ve read lately, so go read it!

Aristotle And Dante Discover The Secrets of The Universe by Benjamin Sáenz (YA)

Ari and Dante are two very different teens who build an unlikely friendship that very slowly develops into romance. (I realise that this probably counts as a spoiler, but this book wouldn’t be on this list without that, so you would be able to guess it anyway.)

This is a beautifully written book, almost poetic. It doesn’t really have an overarching plot, it just tells us about the lives of these two boys and everything that includes. It’s not a romance book, and while romance does happen, it’s actually just a very small part of the book. I would have liked a bit more focus on the romantic relationship - the way it is the ending felt a bit incomplete to me, but there’s a sequel coming out, so hopefully that will help. Both Ari and Dante are Mexican-American. TW for violent homophobia and one very bad accident.

The Long Way To A Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers (Sci-fi)

A bunch of humans and aliens have adventures in space.

This is another fantastic book, that is both very well written and the kind of book that makes you feel good while reading it (when it doesn’t make you cry). It’s not as fluffy as some of the other books on this list, but while bad things happen it is, ultimately, still optimistic and never grim. The cast is a very diverse mix of humans and aliens, including aliens with a nonbinary gender, unusual family structures disabled characters. There is a f/f romance happening, but it’s only a subplot, so if you’re reading it only for the queerness you might be disappointed but this book is good enough it might even be worth reading if everyone was straight. ;)

Capricious: Gender Diverse Pronouns Edition - A.C.Buchanan (Editor, lots of different authors) (Sci-Fi/Fantasy)

This is a short story anthology in which all stories feature a major character who uses gender neutral pronouns, including singular they but also several different others like ze/hir, per/pers, e/eir etc. Some of the stories have pronouns/gender as a topic (like “Sandals full of Rainwater” by AE Prevost where a person from a culture that doesn’t have gender moves to a culture that has three genders and pronouns that change depending on both the speaker’s and the other person’s gender, or “Ad Astra Per Aspera" by Nino Cipri, in which the protagonist is pretty sure their gender “left me for someone else”.) while others are typical SFF short stories which just happen to have a nonbinary protagonist.

A few of the stories are really fantastic, but all of them are worth reading.

Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan (YA)

Craig and Harry want to break the world record for the longest kiss, Tariq was beaten up by homophobes, Neil and Peter are a happy couple, Avery (who’s trans) and Ryan are just starting a new relationship and Cooper suffers from crushing loneliness, stuck in the closet. This book tells these vaguely related stories about different gay teens, narrated by the ghosts of the gay men who died from AIDS.

This book is definitely an interesting read that contrasts the lives of gay people during the AIDS crisis with that of gay teens now, showing both how much things have improved but also how hard it can still be, not shying away from the darkest parts of queer lives. TW for violent homophobia, depression and suicide.

Documenting Light by E.E. Ottoman (Contemp./Romance)

Wyatt and Greyson try to find out who the two men in an old photograph are, while dealing with various difficulties in their lives. Romance happens.

This is a very short book (novella?) that describes the slowly developing romance between Wyatt, a closeted nonbinary person, and Greyson, a trans man who was cut off by most of his family after coming out. It’s not as lighthearted as the other romance books on this list, but it’s still optimistic and I really liked it. TW for transphobia.

Freya Snow series by L.C. Mawson @lcmawson (YA/Urban Fantasy)

After Freya finds out about her magical heritage, and learns to use her magic, she gets into various adventures, starting when some demons show up to kill her.

This is a series with currently ten books, with a total of 13 planned, and there are two spin of series with other main characters. These books have several queer characters (Freya is bi), which does come up often, but the focus is more on the action. There are several autistic characters (Freya is one of them), one deaf character and one character in a wheelchair, also several POC. I don’t remember how much homophobia there was in the setting, so if there was any, it wasn’t much.

These books aren’t literary masterpieces, so don’t expect too much, but they are still enjoyable to read. The first one is free, so you can give it a try to see if you like it.

All that also goes for the spinoff books.

Love/Hate by L.C.Mawson (YA/Sci-Fi/Romance)

Emotion-fueled superheros protect the last few existing cities from monsters. Claire just got chosen as the new aspect of Love, but she’s in love with the aspect of Hate - which is a very bad combination.

There are currently four books in this series, I don’t know how many more are planned. Like the Freya Snow books, they have a lot of diversity but especially in later books the focus is on the action. There are again several autistic characters, including Claire, and several queer characters including a trans women and an agender character. Most of the cast are POC. There is no homophobia or transphobia in the setting.

Like the Freya snow books, these aren’t super great but still a fun read (though I don’t like how the third book ended and where the plot is heading, but that is just my preference. I also haven’t read the fourth book yet.)

Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire @seananmcguire(Fantasy/Mystery)

What happens with the children that were pulled in other worlds when they come back? Nancy is one of them, and she gets sent to the Home for Wayward Children where she finally meets others like her, who understand her wish to return to her other world. But then a gruesome murder happens and it’s up to Nancy and her new friends to find out who did it.

I absolutely loved the premise of this book, the characters and the first half of the story - it is really beautifully written-, but I really didn’t like the mystery stuff- it changed the tone of the story completely in a way that just didn’t work for me. (You’ve probably noticed by now that I prefer fluffy stories and this one turned from fluffy to grim very quickly.) So if you don’t mind that, you might like this book, I know a lot of people do, that’s why I’m including it on this list. Nancy is asexual, and one of the other major characters is a trans boy. There was probably more diversity that I’m forgetting because I didn’t reread the book and it wasn’t the focus of the book. There were mentions of transphobia, but no cases during the story. TW for murder, gore etc. (It probably wasn’t as bad as I make it sound, I was just really upset when I finished the book so I’m remembering more of the negatives.)

Iwunen Interstellar Investigations by Bogi Takács (Sci-Fi/Fantasy)

Ranai and Mirun, two autistic nonbinary people solve magical crimes in space. There are a lot of cupcakes. The prequel season shows how Ranai and Mirun met and includes some political intrigue. The first (current) season deals with health issues Mirun is having and mysterious accidents.

This is a web serial (updates once per week) which I totally fell in love with when I found it last week. That description makes it sound more silly than it is- it’s another story where a lot of bad things happen but that still feels good to read. It has some very interesting worldbuilding. The majority of characters are nonbinary, autistic and POC. Mirun and Ranai are also both demisexual and Mirun is physically disabled. The book also has some nonsexual kinky elements. There are mentions of discrimination against trans and neurodiverse people, but nothing of that actually happens in the story. TW for lots of medical stuff and major injuries.

Bogi Takács has also written several short stories that also feature queer main characters and which are also worth reading.

A Portrait of the Desert in Personages of Power by Rose Lemberg (Fantasy)

I’m just going to copy the description on goodreads: “This is a Birdverse novella told from the viewpoint of the Old Royal, who is a bigender trans person. A queer, kinky survivor and exile who struggles with his ethics meets the ancient bigender ruler of the vast Burri desert...they hit it off. This has many trans/non-binary people, advanced discussions of consent and sadistic desire, mythic grandeur, non-gratuitous engagement with trauma, a giant flaming bird, and the magical history of Birdverse. CWs for kink, edgeplay, and discussions of trauma.” Both of the main characters are POC (I think), and I think also not neurotypical. Also, additional TW for brief cases of transphobia that gets called out in-story.

This is a novella, also available as an (amazing) podcast, and I really loved it. It is a very kinky story, but it is all non-sexual kink, there is no genital sex happening. I also wouldn’t classify it as erotica, because I think it wasn’t primarily written to be hot, it’s more about exploring the complex emotions of the characters, trust and about discussions of consent. And I think this worked out really, really great. All in all, if you aren’t completely squicked out or triggered by kink, I definitely recommend this.

Geometries of Belonging by Rose Lemberg (Fantasy)

Mind-healer Parét is asked to cure an autistic teenager- who really, really doesn’t want to be cured. At the same time, he’s getting entangled in political intrigue concerning his partner (who happens to be the Raker from A Portrait…, but many years later).

I absolutely adore this novelette, and I think I reread it about three times in the first week after I found it. It has the strong focus on the characters  and relationships and the slower pace that I like in stories, and it just really stayed with me. I think it dealt really well with the topic of a potential cure for autism (the author is autistic themselves). I also liked how it portrayed both a very queerphobic society and one where trans/queer people and polyamory are completely accepted. This story deals with some difficult topics, and it’s not a fluffy story, but it’s not grim or depressing in any way. (If this was posted on AO3, it might be labelled Hurt/Comfort). There are several queer characters, autistic and mentally ill characters and some POC. The MC is in a D/s relationship, but it’s not as graphic as in A Portrait… TW for ableism, transphobia, homophobia, parental abuse, suicidal ideation.

[cutsliceddiced]

New top story from Time: I Let My Child Create Their Own Gender Identity. The Experience Has Been a Gift for Us Both

“What are you having?” I’d be standing in line at the post office or a movie theater, and I’d realize a stranger was staring at my belly. The kind person thought they were asking me a simple question with a simple answer: Is it a boy or a girl?

If you want to get technical, my partner Brent and I had found out our child’s sex chromosomes in the early stages of my pregnancy, and we had seen their genitals during the anatomy scan. But we didn’t think that information told us anything about our kid’s gender. The only things we really knew about our baby is that they were human, breech and going to be named Zoomer. We weren’t going to assign a gender or disclose their reproductive anatomy to people who didn’t need to know, and we were going to use the gender-neutral personal pronouns they, them and their. We imagined it could be years before our child would tell us, in their own way, if they were a boy, a girl, nonbinary or if another gender identity fit them best. Until then, we were committed to raising our child without the expectations or restrictions of the gender binary.

I have a gender-studies degree and a Ph.D. in sociology. In the decade before Zoomer was born, it was literally my job to study and educate others about gender. There was no shortage of gender-disparity statistics, but I felt confident that progress toward gender equity was gaining momentum. In my Sociology of Gender and Sexuality course, I would lecture on discrimination against queer people, the motherhood penalty, men’s higher suicide rate, violence against transgender women of color, and the way intersex people–those born with biological traits that aren’t typically male or female–are stigmatized or completely overlooked. But I also taught about the victory of same-sex marriage equality, more women running for office, fathers demanding family leave, the rising visibility of transgender actors in the media, and the movement to end intersex surgery.

With every new semester, the number of students asking me to call them by different names and use different pronouns than they were given at birth grew. Women confided that they were experiencing sexism from their chemistry professors. Men vented about the pressures of masculinity. These 18- to 20-something-year-olds were feeling crushed by gender stereotypes. I could relate. I was raised as a girl in the Mormon church, and it took a long time for me to untangle myself from the conditioning that the only things I should want (and could be good at) were marriage and motherhood.

I could see the trail of bread crumbs. How gender inequalities get their start in childhood. How girls do more chores than boys and are paid less allowance. How kids are dressed in shirts that say “sorry boys, Daddy says i can’t date until I’m 30,” yet when a child says they’re gay, they’re told they’re too young to know that. How girls are discouraged from running for student government. How boys are discouraged from playing with dolls. How queer and trans youth are kicked out of their homes. People have asked me to prove that gender-creative parenting will have positive outcomes. I double-dog dare someone to prove that hypergendered childhood is a roaring success.

Kids fare better in environments where they are accepted for who they are. The negative outcomes that are often experienced by queer and trans youth are mitigated by supportive families and friends. Parents take precautions to keep their children healthy and safe by enrolling them in swim lessons, teaching them to stay away from fire and cutting food into tiny pieces. Holding space for the possibility a child might be trans or nonbinary or queer is also preventative care.

The goal of gender-creative parenting is not to eliminate gender—the goal is to eliminate gender-based oppression, disparities and violence. The aim isn’t to create a genderless world; it’s to contribute to a genderfull one. We as a society have an opportunity to shake up childhood gender socialization in a way that creates more healthy and equitable adulthoods for everyone. What have we got to lose? The patriarchy? Good riddance.

The summer before I was pregnant, I noticed a young sprints track meet banner fastened to the chain-link fence of the local high school. I can’t wait till I have a little one who can run in that! I thought.

Three years later, I left that track meet in tears after I found out that despite assurances to the contrary, the 2- and 3-year-old girls would run in different heats than the boys. “I not running?” Zoomer asked as we drove away. I felt terrible for leaving. Zoomer just wanted to run. But I also would have felt terrible if I had stayed. It is these moments that plant the seeds that boys and girls are dramatically different, and in the case of track and field, that boys are better. I refused to have our family participate.

The experience was disappointing, if not unexpected. When I was pregnant, I would dream up hypothetical situations with cruel pediatricians refusing to use they/them pronouns and flight attendants treating Zoomer like a stereotype and anxiously think through how I would react to these circumstances. I was afraid that my family members might be so nervous about accidentally using a gendered pronoun for Zoomer, so nervous about offending me, that they would distance themselves from us.

But for the most part, the past four years have not been filled with tears and strife (at least no more tears than you’d find in any home of a young child and tired parents). Our life looks remarkably like a lot of other families’ lives, filled with joy and affirmation. And color. Lots of color.

Courtesy Kyl Myers (4)Top left: February 2016; Top right: June 2018; Bottom left: Father’s Day 2017; Bottom right: March 2016

When people think of gender-neutral, their minds often go to a grayish beige, potato-hued color palette. But we don’t dress Zoomer in burlap sacks, or only give them toys the color of Wheat Thins. We give them options, and they thoughtfully pick what they like the most. For a while, Zoomer’s favorite color was pink; then it was orange. They picked the pink, purple and aqua bedsheets; the fire-truck socks; the outer-space sleeping bag; and the violet climbing shoes. They wanted the Cars Pull-Ups one time and the Minnie Mouse ones the next. Zoomer has a stuffed dog named Dante that goes everywhere with them and a baby doll that they named DeeDee. Zoomer loves Play-Doh and molds neon-colored animals and pretend food. They say, “I’m not going to eat it.” Then I see that their teeth are bright blue, and they have, in fact, tried to eat it.

A common critique of gender-creative parenting is that “the kid will be confused,” but Zoomer doesn’t seem confused at all. In fact, they have a more nuanced understanding of sex and gender than a lot of adults. We teach them to use gender-neutral words until a person tells us about themself. We call kids friends. We have taught Zoomer about their own body without using boy-girl labels. Zoomer understands that some girls have penises and some boys have vulvas, and some intersex kids have vulvas and testes. Zoomer knows some daddies get pregnant and some nonbinary parents are called Zazas. At day care, I tell teachers, “Please snuggle them and wrestle with them. Please compliment their painted toenails and let them get muddy. Call them handsome and beautiful; sensitive and brave. Give them the opportunity to play with the Hot Wheels and the kitchen set.” Because Zoomer has been raised with a focus on inclusivity, they have an instinct to make everyone feel welcome. When a character on a kids’ show says, “Hello, boys and girls!” Zoomer adds, “And nonbinary pals!”

A friend of mine recently told me when she first found out how we were going to parent, she thought, That’s going to be endless work for Kyl. “But now I actually think that you are so lucky and had some great foresight,” she said. “I spend so much of my time tearing the walls down that people are trying to build around my daughters. People aren’t trying to build walls around Zoomer because they don’t know which walls to build.”

I wanted to give my child a gift. The gift of seeing people as more than just a gender. The gift of understanding gender as complex, beautiful and self-determined. I hadn’t considered how much of a gift I’d also be giving myself. While curating an experience for Zoomer to come to their own identity, I inadvertently started taking a closer look at mine too.

One day, Zoomer and I were playing hide-and-seek. They cupped their eyes as I hid in the pantry, then walked around the house mimicking the words we use when we are trying to find them. “Mommy, you in the plant? No … Mommy, you under the couch? No.” As they got closer, they called out, “Kyl! Where are you?”

Gender-creative parenting comes with a giant mirror and forces me to ask myself, “Kyl! Where are you?” I’ve examined my own gender identity and expression more in the past four years than I had in the three decades before becoming Zoomer’s parent. As I’ve tried to create an environment where Zoomer is free from the chains of binary gender, I am working to figure out what about my gender is authentic and what was prescribed to me, and is it even possible to differentiate at this point? I love my body, but I don’t love that I was assigned a specific gender role because of it. In my early 30s, I’m climbing out of the girl box I was placed in in 1986. I’m trying on new labels and pronouns, and giving myself the same encouragement to play with gender that I am giving my child.

Not everyone has the support that Brent and I have. We sprang gender-creative parenting on our families, and they decided to get on board. They shared in the emotional labor and took it upon themselves to educate our extended family and their co-workers, neighbors and friends. They are champions at using gender-neutral pronouns. Some of my friends have not been so lucky. They’ve lost touch with family members or have strained relationships because of their decision to do gender-creative parenting. I know of a grandparent who keeps a stash of clothing, so whenever their gender-creative grandchild comes over, they change them out of the outfit the child picked to put them in something more stereotypically associated with their sex. Some of my friends’ family members have called child protective services, reporting their grandchild is being abused, simply because they weren’t assigned a gender. This is also a reason I feel strongly about being a public advocate for parenting this way—many others don’t have the safety, support and resources to talk openly about it.

Around their fourth birthday, Zoomer started declaring a gender identity and claiming some gendered pronouns. Brent and I are honoring Zoomer’s identity and expression and answering all their questions in an age-appropriate and inclusive way. (I’m using they here because Zoomer is still exploring gender and I want them to have some autonomy over how they share their identity with the world.)

I’m witnessing my child create their own gender—and who Zoomer has become is greater than anything I could have imagined or assigned. Instead of us telling the children who they should be, maybe it’s the children who will teach us how to be. We just have to get out of their way.

Myers is the author of Raising Them: Our Adventure in Gender Creative Parenting, from which this essay is adapted

via https://cutslicedanddiced.wordpress.com/2018/01/24/how-to-prevent-food-from-going-to-waste

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all 92 😘

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?no way man she’d probably dom the fuck out of me

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?nope.

3. Have you taken someones virginity?n o p e

4. Is trust a big issue for you?YEAH

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?like in terms of romantic??? no. like in terms of “we have a really weird relationship and idfk how i feel @ you”? yeah.

6. What are you excited for?april 19th!!! my friend and i are going to go see phoebe bridgers in madison!!!!

7. What happened tonight?its 10am so ill roll with last night: i played nv and got killed in a beautiful cacophony of deathclaws and the legion :) and then my game crashed.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?no bc id be right there with them

9. Is confidence cute?very

10. What is the last beverage you had?i think some water? okay not the last but: hot water is so good with wildflower honey pls just drink some its good for your soul okay???

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?opposite is bullshit but i guess like,, 3? half my friends are nonbinary so counting EVERYONE regardless of gender and shit id say 6 people

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?im a proud supporter of boys in skinny jeans and i own 2 or 3 pairs

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?my main ho @thebonerfoy is coming up to visit me and were probably gonna pack all my shit in her car and play cards against humanity

14. What are you going to spend money on next? lmao probably my student loans. unless i can get the hours i asked for at work or a sugar daddy, then im gonna buy a proper lid for my fishtank bc my poor kid has a piece of cardboard rn.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?yeah. even in a state of stagnation were changing somehow.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?probably amanda, but im working on trying to be better with everyone

18. The last time you felt broken?my dude, im broken right now. its okay though. like i said, im working on it. were all fckn broken somehow.

19. Have you had sex today?not unless a ghost and i got in on in my sleep. which would be pretty cool ngl

20. Are you starting to realize anything?on a deep level: i deserve respect and a lot of my issues relate directly to my upbringing, including my inability to receive praise or speak well of myselfon a not-deep level: kinda hungry.

21. Are you in a good mood?i think i just heard fedex or ups outside so my mood just skyrocketed

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?maybe like. nurse sharks. theyre really cute.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?yeah

24. What do you want right this second?to take a day to go into the city with all my friends that i cant see on a regular basis

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?probably be upset unless we discussed it beforehand. then id be fckn cheering for them like you go get some!!!! do it man!!!! in general tho: if i wasnt with them and they didnt show interest in me and showed interest in someone else id just move tf on.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?half of it is bc my roots are growing out

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?no. too boring.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?okay so i went to renew my library books and one of my favorite youtubers is on the library website dressed as one of his characters and i completely flipped because i watch his gaming channel and now hes interviewing authors for my library??? he doesnt even live in my town!! hes in madison!!

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?no? im enjoying my solitude atm

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?depends on the person

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?no! hes my friend and gives really good advice!

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?i think so. i mean, were kind of a thing.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?yeah.

34. Listening to?killer - phoebe bridgers

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?only if im doing a rough journal spread, which i dont normally do

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?hes probably in class right now. 

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?love at first sight? no. some sort of mutual infatuation/attraction? yes.

38. Who did you last call?my mom

39. Who was the last person you danced with?dancing with as in both dancing at the same time? probably amanda or my mom.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?we were dating and he was cute lmao

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? a couple months ago? 

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?no bc she leaves for work before i wake up

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?constantly.

44. Do you tan in the nude?lmao no.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?no. as previously stated, i liked the guy and he was cute. why would i take that back?

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?yeah

47. Who was the last person to call you?my mom

48. Do you sing in the shower?sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?yEAH

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?yes i love my bow :’) its so good and wow i love archery

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?picture day junior year of highschool, and if that doesnt count: my mother took me in at jcp to have pictures taken when i graduated 8th grade and theyre awful bc my hair is so long and its so not me

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?excuse me, how dare you,, in this house we ask for war and peace for christmas because npgc1812 is so good and then get addicted to ghost quartet (@ anyone reading this: pls listen to ghost quartet it is so so so good)

53. Is Christmas stressful?depends on the year, but i hope in the future i can spend it with my friends :)

54. Ever eat a pierogi?i just had some last night for dinner and im probably going to eat the leftovers in a couple minutes. also, my mother is polish and we see her family for holidays, so yeah. lots of pierogi in this house.

update: i got the leftovers

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?idk??? apple? im basic okay i dont eat pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?1. teacher2. ballerina3. both 1 & 2, simultaneously4. paleontologist5. archaeologist6. both 4 & 5, simultaneously7. librarian8. game designer9. author/illustrator

57. Do you believe in ghosts?yeah

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?almost daily

59. Take a vitamin daily?im supposed to ;) vitamin d deficiency like a real champ

60. Wear slippers?real talk i never liked slippers but then i bought these cute pig slippers @ walmart for $10 and i love them so much i tried wearing them to sleep last night. also im wearing them rn theyre so cute

61. Wear a bath robe?i live in a dorm, so yeah. to the bathroom and back when i take a shower. sometimes im lazy and i just run around in a towel but so do half the people on my side of the hall lmao were all lazy and dead inside

62. What do you wear to bed?fluffy pajama pants or sweats, tshirt or hoodie, socks, sometimes slippers.. once i fell asleep with a beanie on. when im being an Adult i wear my actual pajamas!!! like a legit shirt and pants that match

63. First concert?none that i was old enough to remember :’) apparently my mom took me to the rodeo when we lived in texas and saw some country group but i was like 2 so idfk

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?TARGET I AM A CERTIFIED TARGET GAY

65. Nike or Adidas?adidas bc my feet are too wide to fit in nikes

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?yall real talk i used to love cheetos but i think im allergic to them now? last time i had them my throat got all swollen and hurt for like 3 days so im gonna have to say fritos. plus theyre really good if you put them in chili

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?sunflower seeds bc im a slut for anything i can have a spitting contest with

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?lmao i used to like her when i was like. 11. not my scene anymore

69. Ever take dance lessons?i dont think so?

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?anything that makes them happy, but also something fun!!!! like wedding photographer or a baker or maybe zookeeper?

71. Can you curl your tongue?idk??? kinda????? i can tie a cherry stem so i want to say yes.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?no i always got out bc my anxiety made me stutter/rush and miss letters, so i never even got past the classroom levels to the real thing

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?a lot!!! i laugh so hard i cry and get a stomach ache more than id like to admit

74. What is your favorite book?eleanor & park by rainbow rowell :) OR alice’s adventures in wonderland by lewis caroll

75. Do you study better with or without music?depends on if i can get into hyperfocus mode or not. if not, then i pick one song and put it on loop and blast it until it fades and is just loud background noise, but if i can focus then silence is best

76. Regularly burn incense?i used to but no burning anything in the dorms :( then i came home for break and it started giving me a headache

77. Ever been in love?i think so

78. Who would you like to see in concert?kesha, against me!, my chemical romance (rip), bigbang (also rip)

79. What was the last concert you saw?the one i mentioned earlier @ a rodeo

80. Hot tea or cold tea?hot tea

81. Tea or coffee?i live on coffee but i love tea too so both

82. Favorite type of cookie?mmm snickerdoodle. or just sugar cookies. chocolate chip is good when theyre hot and melty but not as good when theyre cold

83. Can you swim well?yeah! i love swimming!

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?yeah?

85. Are you patient?hahahahahahhahahahhahahhaa

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?oo. oooooo. okay so dj would have more variety of music but im a sucker for live music??? idk i feel like a band would be more memorable, but what if they fuck up your favorite song??? but what if they make it more special???????

87. Ever won a contest?yeah! i won an art contest once and got my drawing printed on christmas cards for a nonprofit that did things for cancer patients!

88. Ever have plastic surgery?im 17 i dont have that kind of money

89. Which are better black or green olives?depends on what theyre in?

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?good. live your life fuck the rules

91. Best room for a fireplace?bedroom!!! i love fireplaces in bedrooms its such a Look

92. Do you want to get married?idk. if it happens then it happens. im not planning on it though.