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writesvani · 3 months ago

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dear me | 03

lawyer! jungkook x privatechef! reader

SUMMARY: Once upon a time, Jungkook and you were everything. Best friends who shared every moment, every secret—except one: you were in love with him. But life changed. High school ended, real life began, and slowly, you drifted apart, the distance between you growing too wide to cross.

The end. Except it isn't.

One day, after a long day at work, you open your email to find a message from 13 years ago—written by your younger self. A letter you’d forgotten, sent by a service you paid to remind you of your youth, your love for him. As the emails keep on coming and you keep reading, the flood of memories hits you, and you realize something heartbreaking: you never stopped loving him.

But now, it’s too late. Jungkook is about to marry someone else. Or is he?

estranged childhood best friends-to-friends-to-lovers?

TWs (for this chapter): emotional distress, unresolved feelings, unspoken grief, jealousy, insecurity, avoidance, mentions of lost friendships, nostalgia, mild self-deprecation, strained relationships, anxiety, bittersweet memories

comment HERE for Dear Me taglist;

SERIES M. LIST;

— previous chapter | next chapter

wc: 3,4k // date: 25th of March

CHAPTER THREE — Saturdays are for Yoongi; happy reading my gummies...

AN (DON'T SKIP): this chapter was so much fun to write, and i genuinely hope you all love it as much as i do! starting now, my new update schedule is officially in motion, and with that comes my note goal: 200. yup, you heard me right, two hundred. am i being ambitious? maybe. am i manifesting? absolutely. but hey, dear me usually hits that, so let’s keep the streak alive!

and here’s the deal—once we hit that goal, chapter 4 will drop faster than y/n dodging her feelings. so, leave your comments, send me asks, scream in the tags—I’m dying to hear your thoughts!

also, yes, i know these first few chapters are on the shorter side, but they're just here to introduce you to the story and its dynamics! i promise, longer chapters are coming soon

— love, vani ♡

The best part of your week is Saturday. There’s something about it—a sense of idle calmness, as though the world has momentarily slowed down. It’s the one day where you can embrace doing absolutely nothing, soaking up your unproductivity like a ray of sunlight. Saturday is the calm before the storm of the week, and that’s why, despite your constant need for structure and routine, you let it unfold naturally.

It’s funny, really. The simplicity of having one messy, unplanned day brings an unexpected thrill. You find joy in the uncertainty of how the day will pass, how it’ll surprise you. It’s a break from the usual schedule, a breath of fresh air in the middle of your carefully organized life.

Yoongi sits across from you, his usual aura of coolness interrupted by his bizarrely slouched posture. His hair is a mess—tousled and looking as though he’s been trying to tame it all morning, but it stubbornly refuses to cooperate. In front of him sits a caramel latte, the steam curling lazily as he takes occasional sips, his eyes flicking between you and your phone.

“Damn, that looks good,” he says, his voice a low murmur, but his gaze is anything but casual. He’s practically staring at the picture on your phone like it’s holding the secrets of universe.

You smirk, knowing exactly what he’s thinking. “Mhm, that’s what I’m talking about,” you reply, practically grinning from ear to ear. The pride you feel is almost tangible as you show him the picture—a shot of the crème brûlée you recently made at work. It’s perfect, golden, and just begging to be devoured.

Yoongi’s eyes are wide, his expression a mix of admiration and hunger. “I’m not even gonna lie, I’d eat that straight off the screen if I could,” he admits, a little too eagerly.

You chuckle, leaning back in your chair. “Well, you can’t. But if you want, I’ll make you one next time.”

His face softens into a grin, and he leans forward, his hands wrapped around his latte like it’s his only lifeline. “Deal. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”

“I think I do,” you say, the ease of afternoon gently swallowing you.

You lean back in your chair, tapping your fingers lightly on your cup, the hint of a smile playing at the corner of your lips. “But seriously, Yoon, I could teach you how to cook. You might actually impress someone with your skills for once.”

He raises an eyebrow, the amusement in his eyes barely hiding his disbelief. “Me? Cook? Please, I can barely make instant ramen without setting off the smoke alarm.”

You laugh softly, shaking your head in mock disbelief. "I remember the last time you tried cooking. The whole apartment smelled like burnt toast for days."

He slouches slightly in his chair, shoulders tensing as he glances away, a sheepish expression crossing his face. “Okay, that was one time. I may or may not have gotten distracted by my playlist. But I’m definitely not cut out for the kitchen.”

“You say that like you’ve given up entirely,” you tease, leaning forward with a playful glint in your eye. “Come on, hun. Everyone can cook if they try. Even you could pull off something other than cereal or microwaveable noodles.”

His hands wrap tighter around his latte, and he shrugs slightly, eyes flicking to the side as though he’s mentally weighing his options. “What’s the point? You’re the one with the magic touch. Every meal you make is basically a Michelin-starred dish.”

You raise an eyebrow, feeling the pride swelling in your chest despite your modest shrug. “You’d be surprised.”

Yoongi leans back in his chair, his head tilting just slightly as he observes you. His lips curl into a small smirk, though there’s a hint of skepticism in his eyes. “Yeah, right. Last time I tried, I couldn’t even boil an egg without making it look like a science experiment gone wrong.”

Your eyes widen, and you nearly choke on your drink. “That’s because you didn’t even know the difference between boiling and frying! You can’t just throw an egg in a pan and hope for the best, dude.”

He crosses his arms over his chest, leaning slightly forward as he feigns annoyance, but the playful gleam in his eyes betrays his true feelings. “Hey, I was improvising!” His lips curl into a mischievous grin. “It’s not my fault the egg didn’t cooperate with my vision.”

You roll your eyes but can’t hide the amused smile tugging at your lips. “I’m sure the egg was just terrified by your lack of culinary expertise.”

Yoongi’s posture stiffens as he glares at you, but the corners of his mouth twitch upward, giving him away. “Alright, alright, I get it. I’m a cooking disaster. I’ll just leave the meals to you, Chef Extraordinaire.”

You sit up straighter, tilting your head slightly, the teasing glint never leaving your eyes. “Smart choice,” you reply, leaning in slightly as if sharing a secret. “But, just so you know, next time I’m cooking, you’re the official taste tester. And trust me, you don’t want to disappoint me.”

He leans back again, hands resting on his lap as he stares at you with mock seriousness, though his lips are still twitching into a grin. “Challenge accepted,” he says, his tone a bit more dramatic than necessary. But you know he’s secretly terrified of the idea of cooking for himself.

A soft shift moves through the air, a gentle shift of calm that settles between you and Yoongi. Quietness. His fingers dance over the screen of his phone, tapping at the surface with practiced ease. You can guess he’s texting someone—maybe Nina, maybe a friend, maybe… Jungkook. The thought makes a knot tighten in your chest, but you push it away. It’s not something you want to think about right now. Instead, you pull out your own phone, your fingers flicking through the screen aimlessly.

Nothing exciting. Nothing new.

You let out a soft breath, your eyes drifting up to meet Yoongi’s. There’s a quiet comfort in the air now, the type that doesn’t feel awkward or forced. It’s the kind of silence that wraps around you like a blanket. The kind that settles into your bones, making your muscles relax and your fingers stretch out in a lazy ease. It’s the kind of quiet that only comes from familiarity, from knowing someone well enough that you can just be—no words needed.

The thought makes something soft bloom in your chest.

Yoongi’s presence brings a sense of grounding, like you’ve known him forever and there’s nothing that could change that. The fact that, despite everything, there’s still someone you can rely on, someone you can lean on when the world feels too heavy. It’s a rare comfort.

You haven’t seen him much lately. The demands of his job as a publisher, your own strict schedule—it’s hard to make time. Too hard for regular drinks or coffee, even calls. But somehow, there’s always that one day of the week that pulls you two back together, a day when the chaos of your lives fades just enough for you to enjoy each other’s company.

And that day is usually Sunday.

Maybe that’s why you love Sundays so much. The way everything slows down, the world becomes a little softer. The way Yoongi's presence feels like a breath of fresh air. It’s those moments, those quiet moments, that you cherish more than anything else.

You glance at him again. His eyes flick up to meet yours for a brief moment before he looks away, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. You feel it, the shared understanding between you two. And in that second, you realize that, even though you can’t always be together, these Sundays are enough to keep you close. To remind you that, no matter what, you have this.

You have him.

But alas, the silence, unfortunately, can’t last forever. A small motion, a sound disrupts the calm, and you find yourself briefly flinching at the sharp ring of Yoongi’s phone. You blink, your attention drawn to the screen before you can stop yourself. It’s ringing, and without thinking, your eyes are already glued to the name flashing across it.

“Nin 🫶🏻,” it says.

Your throat tightens, a lump forming that you can’t swallow down. Of course, there’s nothing strange about Nina calling him—she’s his sister, after all. It has happened countless times in the years you’ve known the twins.

Nina has visited him more times than you can count, and you’ve met up with her, too, shared easy conversations and laughter like before. But this… this is different. This time, seeing her name on his screen feels like a punch to the gut.

It’s the first time you’ve seen it since that day—since the day you saw it written in beautiful, flowing cursive on that damn envelope sitting in your desk drawer (well, except the day you saw it tangled in your emails from the past you, but you're choosing to ignore that).

The one you’ve kept hidden, locked away.

The one that still reminds you of a friendship that’s lost.

A friendship with Jungkook that once meant everything but now feels like it belongs to another lifetime.

A friendship that has been broken, shattered beyond recognition.

That envelope, that name, that moment—it's a reminder of the bond between you and Jungkook, the one you once cherished, now reduced to something unrecognizable. And it stings. It always stings. The ache doesn’t go away, even though you try to heal it.

Desperately.

Eagerly.

You force yourself to move on, to pretend like you’ve moved past it, but the wound is still there. Still fresh, deep beneath the surface.

You inhale sharply, trying to mask the uneasiness threatening to bubble up inside you. You flash your teeth at Yoongi, offering him a soothing smile—one that feels more like a mask than anything genuine. You can feel the tightness in your chest, but you push it down.

"I gotta take this. I’ll be back," Yoongi says, his voice breaking through your thoughts. His movements are quick, almost hurried, as he stands and brings the phone to his ear.

You nod, though it feels like a distant gesture, your eyes still locked on his phone screen even as he turns to leave. The words “Heey” drift back to you just before he’s out of sight, and suddenly, the space between you and him feels much larger. Much emptier.

You’re left in the quiet once more, but this time, the stillness feels heavier. The silence is louder now, pressing down on you as the ache grows, gnawing at your chest.

You’re reminded again, in the simplest of ways, that you’re not the number one in Yoongi’s life. That place is always reserved for his sister, Nina. And though you know it’s natural, normal even, a small part of you can’t help but envy her—for being the priority in the lives of everyone you ever cared about the way you always wished you could be. It’s irrational, you know it is, but it still stings in the way that only silent truths can. The hurt lingers, no matter how much you try to reason with it. You push it down, bury it beneath the smile you’ve perfected over the years.

Yoongi’s footsteps return before you can fully process the pain, the familiar sound of his shoes brushing against the floor, and he moves past you with an energy that immediately pulls your attention. There’s an excited gleam in his eyes—bright, almost too bright for his usual self. It’s contagious, but you can’t quite bring yourself to smile the way he does.

He’s joyful. Too joyful for Yoongi. And it’s a little too much, but you lean forward instinctively, elbows planted on the table, your hands cradling your face.

“You won’t believe this,” he says, his voice light with excitement as he takes a sip of his latte, the warmth of the cup seeming to match his newfound energy.

You stare at him, curiosity piquing despite the heaviness in your chest. “What happened?”

“Nin and Kook are coming to town next week, to check the venues,” he continues, his words rushing out of him like a wave breaking against the shore.

And just like that, the names—Nin and Kook—splash over you like ice water. They burn, sharp and familiar. The names of people you loved, people who are no longer yours to love. The uneasiness quakes through you, a familiar sting at the back of your throat. You try not to let it show, though. You won’t let it show.

Yoongi keeps talking, trying to act oblivious to the weight his words carry. “And they want us to grab a coffee together when we’re free,” he adds, a casual air to his voice, as if the idea of sitting in a café with them—laughing, reminiscing about high school, pretending like everything is fine—doesn’t rip at the edges of your heart. It feels wrong, the thought of being in the same room as Jungkook again, when so much has changed, when so much has been lost.

You swallow, forcing yourself to sit up a little straighter, letting the fake calmness wash over you. “Really? How did that plan come to life?” you ask, your brow quirking in an exaggerated show of curiosity, anything to mask the storm bubbling inside you.

Yoongi shifts, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, his gaze flitting between you and his empty cup. “Nina asked where I was… I told her I was grabbing coffee with you,” he rambles, his voice quieting slightly. “Then she mentioned that she and Kook were coming to town next week to check the venues. And, well, yeah, the rest is history.”

You nod slowly, trying to pretend that the mention of Jungkook doesn’t twist something deep inside you. The urge to respond, to say something that doesn’t betray the knot tightening in your gut, claws at you. But you just nod again, this time with a tight smile.

“Sounds… fun,” you manage, though the words feel foreign in your mouth.

“Could at least try sounding a bit more excited,” Yoongi says, giving you that look—the one that knows you too well. It’s the look that cuts straight through the act, the one that makes you feel like you’re not hiding anything at all. It’s funny, in a way, how he can pick up on your discomfort so quickly, but still, for all his sharpness, he never seemed to notice that you used to be in love with his sister’s fiancé. Or maybe, a small part of you wonders, he did know. And chose not to bring it up. Because acknowledging it would make it real, and if it was real, things would get messy. Yoongi would have to choose a side, and both of you knew exactly where his loyalty would lie.

You shift uncomfortably, forcing a smile, but it feels like the most unnatural thing in the world. “I am, I swear,” you say, but your fingers twitch against your cheeks, a small gesture as they trace the scar you’ve long since tried to forget.

Yoongi watches you closely, his gaze softening as he picks up on the subtle shift. “You don’t have to pretend for me,” he says quietly, almost too quietly. But the weight of it lands in your chest, sending a quick flutter through your heart. "I know this is gonna be a lil weird for you."

You blink, trying to clear the lump in your throat, but the words feel too heavy, too loaded. The silence lingers for a beat, thick and raw. Then Yoongi’s voice breaks through again, a little more careful this time.

“I mean, the four of us haven’t been in the same room together in years. I get it. I know you haven’t seen Kook in a while.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while,” you say, but your voice catches just slightly. “But it doesn’t make it weird...”

Yoongi tilts his head, the tiniest smirk curling on his lips. “You know, Nin says he mentions you a lot.” He leans back in his chair, watching you with those eyes that know too much, the ones that see past all the masks you wear.

Yoongi's words linger in the air, sinking in slowly, creeping up on wounds that you thought had healed. The fact that Jungkook still mentions you, still thinks about you—it shouldn’t sting this much, but it does. It really does.

Two years have passed since you last saw him, and the memory of that moment is sharper than you’d like to admit. The last time you sat down with Jungkook was after an awkward run-in outside his parents' house, where he invited you in for a drink. And it was… weird.

You both were strangers by then, with too much history between you to ignore, and yet not enough common ground to feel like you truly knew each other anymore. It was like trying to force something familiar into an unfamiliar shape. The conversation, stilted and uncomfortable, quickly drifted to small talk—safe topics about childhood and high school memories, things that kept the ground beneath your feet solid, even if it felt like you were both standing on shaky ground.

You blink, breaking out of the fog of that memory. Yoongi’s eyes are still on you, waiting for you to say something. Anything. You open your mouth, but the words falter, unsure of where they’re going. “Look, Yoon, okay, maybe…” You pause, trying to form the thoughts swirling in your head. “Maybe it’s a little weird because I haven’t talked to both of them in a while. But so what?” You shrug, trying to play it off, but the unease bubbling inside you is hard to ignore.

Yoongi tilts his head, studying you with that familiar, knowing gaze. “So what?” he echoes, a small smirk tugging at his lips. “You’re telling me you’re not worried about it?”

You don’t answer immediately, your fingers tapping lightly on the table as you try to steady yourself. The truth is, you’re not sure what you’re worried about. The past? The present? The strange space in between?

Yoongi's buzz slowly fades, and you can’t help but feel the weight of it. The joy that had been on his face when he finished that call, the spark in his eyes—it all starts to slip away, and you can’t shake the feeling that you’ve somehow extinguished it. He was so eager, so excited for the four of you to hang out again, and now, with all your overthinking and awkward thoughts about Jungkook and the thing that happened between you, you’ve managed to ruin it.

You glance at Yoongi now, watching him carefully, as if he’s trying to decode something that’s impossible to read. His eyes are focused on you, sharp and observant, like he’s piecing together a puzzle with every little shift in your expression.

Your eyelashes flutter, and instinctively, your tongue darts out to wet your lips, but they feel dry, a little too dry. You take a sip of your coffee—cold, bitter, the taste of it almost mirroring the ache in your chest.

"I have nothing to worry about," you say, your voice a little softer than you intend. You scratch the back of your head. "I know that once we get past those first five minutes of awkward hell, it'll be like back in the days."

Yoongi shrugs, and a small, almost nostalgic smile tugs at his lips. "Yeah... like when we were young," he agrees, his voice carrying a bittersweet edge.

Your eyebrow quirks up, and you let out a short laugh, though it’s not entirely a pleasant one. "Dude, are you seriously quoting Adele right now?"

He looks at you, unbothered. "What? I’m just trying to lighten the mood."

"With a depression anthem?" you joke, the corners of your mouth lifting despite yourself.

He holds up his hands in mock surrender. "Don’t kill my creative vibe, okay?"

You shake your head, but the tension loosens just a little. Maybe it’s stupid, but his attempt at humor, however ridiculous, makes things feel a little less heavy. The fact that Yoongi can still make you laugh, even in the middle of all this weirdness, is oddly comforting.

The conversation shifts, both of you silently agreeing to steer clear of Jungkook, Nina, and the storm their arrival will inevitably bring. No mention of wedding venues, no talk of Nina with a ring on her finger—the ring you haven’t even seen, don’t even know what it looks like.

And maybe that’s for the best.

So instead, you devote yourself to Yoongi again, clinging to the safe space he provides. You let him pull you into a discussion about a new book he’s reviewing, something he’s beta reading for a supposedly famous writer. Supposedly being the key word, because despite his insistence that they’re a big deal, you’ve never heard of them. Then again, maybe that just says more about you than it does about them—about the fact that you haven’t picked up modern fiction in a while, about how your shelves are still filled with books from a past version of yourself.

You laugh at his dramatic retelling of the plot, roll your eyes when he insists the main character is "literally the most annoying protagonist ever written," and for a while, it works. You manage to push the conversation from earlier to the back of your mind.

But not far enough.

Because the weight of it still lingers—heavy, unfiltered, sitting right there in your heart. And no matter how hard you try to ignore it, no matter how fast you try to outrun it, the truth remains.

It’s still there.

Just like Jungkook.

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ravcnism · 28 days ago

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CHLORINATED KISSES. — BOB REYNOLDS x GN!READER

Summary: Swimming is an essential survival skill—one Bob didn’t have. Which, you should have known, as you had been dating him for a total of five months now. But it had taken one startling kayaking incident for you to figure it out for yourself. You, of course, had to ensure it wouldn't happen again.

# # TAGS: Fluff with Some Plot, Established relationship, Soft Boyfriend Bob Reynolds, Soft confessions, Bob Deserves Nice Things

# # WARNINGS: I can't think of any. This is the softest thing I've written in ages. I guess some caution for the drowning bit in the middle, but it's nothing too bad.

Notes: If you'd noticed, yes, this is based on a scene from Lessons in Chemistry; and speaking of which, I might start writing for Calvin Evans too. But anyway, here's some fluff for now. (Reader's gender and pronouns are not mentioned, no use of Y/N, suitable for all identities.)

Being with Bob was a gentle sort of thing. He had told you once that you were dating a newer version of himself; a man that he didn't recognize sometimes. It was a good change, of course. But it was change nonetheless, and it took some adjusting to. Like a mistreated grocery store goldfish acclimating to the warm water of a much bigger tank. The ‘New Bob’ was a free bird, still hesitant to leave the open gate of his rusty cage. You weren't exactly certain what he meant. You didn't know him as anyone else. Only as the Bob you had met and loved.

You had met under—as you liked to call it—uncommon circumstances. But you supposed that depended on how uncommon it was to walk away with wrong prescriptions; each other's prescriptions.

You knew who he was. Barely, but just enough to know that he lived at the New Avengers compound. You were a backstage act, someone who worked the lights. An ex-SHIELD technician that Valentina plucked from the server racks and tossed into the circus. Now, you were in charge of the things that people often overlooked. You kept the servers running, maintained the logs, renamed files so the less tech-savvy Avengers didn't feel embarrassed. ("Walker_USAGENT_ShieldV2_FINALREALFINALACTUAL.png" became "USAGENT_Shield2.stk") And of course you reset the Wi-Fi every once in a while, or when Alexei came knocking on your office door like he was about to reign Hell upon you.

You didn't know much about Bob. You didn't know much about anyone period, but Bob was even more faded than the rest. You barely saw him. You hardly cared. You were desensitised to the world of aliens and heroes. New York getting blown apart? Must be Monday. If anything, this new ragtag team felt all the more ordinary as they only seemed to punch and shoot. A good change of pace, you decided.

But then there was that fateful afternoon. A bad cold, and a rushed trip to the company pharmacy. It was a private sort of thing—an exclusive outlet for anyone associated with either the CIA, or (recently) Valentina's shiny new Avengers. It sourced free medication as a healthcare benefit for lower-ranked employees. And, because why not, medication for unstable experimental heroes.

You were swaddled in the warmest clothes you owned, a scratchy scarf lifted all the way up your nose. Your sinuses were somehow clogged and runny at the same time and you had a lovely ear-ringing headache to pair it with. Your throat itched with the dryness of a thousand deserts and you were certain that your left eye was pink enough to pass for a tulip. You were sick—horridly so. If you had that kind of sickness around 200 years ago, it would have killed you on the spot. Today, however, it was nothing a few bottles of pills wouldn't solve.

You were dazed and distracted, simultaneously hot and cold. The pharmacist dropped two bags on the counter and didn't bother announcing whose was whose. You hardly noticed that you grabbed the wrong bag when you walked away. Bob would later on admit that he had his assumptions, but had been too anxious to follow you out the door.

You were back in your office, annoyed at the world. The barrier between your death and salvation was a wrinkled paper bag. You dug your fist in and felt for the bottle. Without much thought, you popped the cap open and tossed two pills into your mouth. It was only after you paused to breathe that you realized—the label.

REYNOLDS, ROBERT.

30 MG — V-17 (INHIBITOR)

DO NOT exceed prescribed dosage.

In event of skipped dose, evacuate vicinity and alert emergency contacts listed under Class-7.

May cause: dissociation, blackouts, tremors, visual distortions, or memory loss.

DO NOT COMBINE with stimulants, depressants, or enhanced physiology.

You hummed, inquisitively, like you had done something as small as grabbing the wrong brand of salt from the grocery store. Then you blinked. Hard. That definitely wasn't right, and it definitely wasn't good. The pill bottle felt heavier, somehow, like reading about it solidified its existence. Your hand closed around the bottle, slowly, as though one wrong move might cause it to explode—like you might explode. You looked up, stared at your wall, and whispered a sharp, irritated, “Fuck.”

Bob would hear you knocking on the compound's living room door about 10 minutes later. He'd open it to find you leaning against the doorframe, pale, sweating, and on the verge of throwing up. “Hey, buddy,” you said. “Question. On a scale from ibuprofen to 'unleash the apocalyptic void creature within', how bad would it be if I accidentally took your meds?”

There was a beat. Then two.

Then you collapsed, face-first on the cold, tiled floor. Bob screamed.

You woke up in the infirmary, next to a basket of fruits with a balloon tied to its handle, decorated with the words ‘I'm Sorry’. And when you regained the rest of your senses, he entered the room, with eyes sadder than a guilty dog's. “I think they fired the pharmacist.”

The nurses told you he kept coming back—anxiously pacing the hallways as he waited for you to wake up.

You had loved him ever since.

It was a charmingly odd, and unconventional beginning to something you—eventually—wouldn't be able to live without. Falling in love with Bob had been easy. And staying in love was even more so. It was watching him stammer and blush at every gift you'd given him, carefully reaching for his pinky to hold the rest of his hand, feeling his breath against your neck when he hid his face from scary movies. You bought him flowers every weekend, and he kept them alive for as long as he could. You'd take him on dates after therapy, show him places he'd never seen, make him feel things he'd never felt.

It was heaven, being with him. Even if he didn't seem to think so. Because Bob, for all the light he brought into your life, carried a quiet kind of guilt behind his eyes. Like he was borrowing time he didn’t believe belonged to him. Like every kiss might be his last, and every morning he woke up in your bed was a fluke the universe would eventually correct.

And perhaps that was what kept the both of you from telling each other ‘I love you’; which, shouldn't be that big of a deal. Five months was a lot of time to be dating, but it was different for every couple. And the last thing you wanted to do was make Bob do something he wasn't ready for. There was no pressure nor need for him to say the words. You needed nothing else than what he already gave. He made your life brighter, happier. And for that, you'd give him the world.

You'd catch him sometimes, staring at you when he thought you weren’t looking, fingers twitching as if resisting the urge to reach out. As if touching you too long might leave a mark. As if he might leave a mark. And you knew he didn’t mean it in the way you did. Not in the forever way, but in a fearful way. Like he was afraid he'd stain you with whatever he thought lived underneath his skin. Some days, he'd wake up trembling and you’d hold him until the sun rose. No questions. No pressure. Just arms and warmth and a steady heartbeat against his ear, grounding him in something real.

Other days, he’d smile—really smile—and ramble about a new book he found, or ask if you could go grocery shopping together, like that was the most intimate thing two people could do. And you always said yes, because it was. To him, it was.

And thus, we are taken to one of your dates: an unconventional trip for an unconventional couple.

In your defense, it looked really fun on the catalogue. You had memories of kayaking with your family as a kid.

Bob was looking up at you from his bed, shirtless with the sheets (and his hair) still messy from a night well-spent. “I'm not sure,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “I've never really… done that.”

“Hence the reason we're doing it.” You pressed a kiss on his forehead, a small and useless act to satiate the perpetual aggression that you had for his softness.

You looked so excited. There was no way he would have ever said no. Bob hardly denied you to begin with. He blinked up at you with that dazed, love-dumb look he wore so often in your presence—half stunned, half terrified, like he still couldn’t believe you were real and he was allowed to touch you. His hands, which had been resting on his bare stomach, slowly moved to grip the sheets, the way he always did when he was nervous.

“Like, in a lake?” he asked, voice still husky from sleep.

You grinned. “Yes, Bob. Not on a Disneyland ride. With actual water and actual paddles.” There was a small, excited tremor in your fingers. “Then we get to spend the night at a cabin there. Super relaxing stuff.”

It took little to no convincing at all. His answer would have been “Okay” regardless of what you said. He nodded at you, his smile reaching his eyes. You punched the air in victory. Playfully, Bob groaned, flopping onto his back like a man who'd been shot. “Why do I let you talk me into things?”

You leaned down and whispered, “Because you’re wildly in love with me and a little bit obsessed.”

“Hmm,” he mumbled. “That checks out.”

You had almost killed yourself by grabbing the wrong prescription once, and still that kayaking trip was one of the worst decisions you'd ever made in your life. It outranked your prescription swap by a whole tier.

It began plainly enough. The warm, subtly salty breeze in your hair, Bob’s hand in yours. There was an instructor and everything but yours and Bob’s kayak was separate from everyone else. You had your own little spot, a pocket of water surrounded by pine trees. The view was stunningly scenic, mountain ranges as far as the eye could see. Bob made a joke that it would be a good place to die in. You wouldn't be laughing about it later.

He was fidgety from the start, paddle gripped like a weapon, eyes darting from tree to tree like they might leap at him. You made him sit in front of you. “This is nice,” he said. “Really nice. Love the—air. And the sky. Is it supposed to wobble this much?”

“It’s floating. That’s kind of its whole thing.” He had told you that he had never done this before, so you made sure not to do anything extreme. No river currents, no sudden falls. All you had to do was float in a bright-orange kayak.

“Right,” he muttered, nodding so vigorously the boat tilted slightly. “Right. Floating. Not drowning.”

That had been the first warning.

The second one didn't announce itself so loudly. It made itself known only by the boat's increasing wobbling. Ignorable at first, but then noticeably dangerous. “Babe,” you said. And when you looked up you had caught him panicking. “Baby, wait–”

The kayak lurched hard to the side. His weight tipped you both in one fell swoop, but in your head, it was slow—a theatrical sort of disaster, like fate was giving you time to make peace with it.

Then came the splash, cold and icy. Unforgiving.

You swam up with a gasp, sputtering, grinning at first, half-expecting that to have happened. But then you realized you came up alone. The water was still around you, save for the ripples from your treading and the floating of the kayak. “Bob?”

Nothing.

Just water, and the worst silence you had ever heard in your life.

“Jesus- Bob!” you shouted, panicking.

You dove under—fueled by sheer horror and adrenaline—and somehow managed to pull him back up with only one arm. Next thing Bob knew, he was dragged back to the surface and clinging onto the side of your capsized boat.

The trip back to the dock was immediate. You were bombarding him with questions and asking him if he was alright, but Bob could only focus on his breathing at that moment.

The afternoon stretched on. The sun sank itself behind the trees and painted the sky in a warm pink-yellow gradient; as if it was sorry to have seen an even sorrier sight. Bob was wrapped in a towel now, sitting on the edge of the dock with a second towel (meant to be yours) draped over his head like a sad, soggy saint. His wet shirt clung to him, and his sneakers squelched with every movement. You were sitting beside him, looking like you had your tail tucked between your legs—shirtless, drenched, and visibly fighting the urge to spiral into the lake and never return.

“I’m an idiot,” you muttered for the third time in as many minutes. “I’m a frickin’ idiot. I should’ve known. I shouldn't have booked this stupid trip.”

Bob, still mildly shivering, turned his head towards you. “You also forgot sunscreen,” he offered, voice a little raw.

You looked up and stared at him. Sunscreen, he said. “You almost drowned, Bob.”

“I didn’t, though.”

“But you could have.” You dropped your forehead against his shoulder, towelless and dripping. “Jesus, you could’ve died and it would’ve been my fault. I dragged you out there like a fricken’—golden retriever.”

“Your golden retriever impression is weirdly accurate,” Bob mumbled, hugging himself tighter. “It’s kind of cute, honestly. In a panicked, flailing sort of way.” The towel on his head fell back, revealing a cluster of wet, messy curls. Bob looked at you, or, tried to look at you, but he could only see the top of your carefully drying hair. “Baby,” he muttered.

You didn't face him. You felt like you couldn't.

Bob tried again, coaxing you to meet his eyes by pressing his lips upon your head. “Hey.”

You looked up, finally, brows furrowed, lips pouted ever so slightly. “I suck,” you whispered.

Bob laughed—quiet and hoarse, but genuine. Then there was a pause, and he said, softly, “I should have told you I couldn't swim.”

“You're damn right you should have!” Your eyes widened, but he was smiling even more. “Why didn't you?”

“You said we'd be on a boat. Boat means you're not in the water. I thought we'd paddle around, look at ducks. I didn't think we'd tip over.”

You groaned, burying your face into your hands. Bob, despite his shaken state, was watching you with amusement.

He kissed you again, missing your lips. “I'm sorry,” he said, looking up at you with those eyes of his. “You looked so excited. I didn't want to say no. I want to do everything with you—everything you love. I was worried I’d disappoint you.”

Your expression softened, shoulders slumping. “Bob,” you said quietly, “You wouldn't have disappointed me. I just—” You sighed, finding your words. “I wanted to put you out there. I want you to have fun and experience things, especially the ones you've never done before. I just want you to enjoy yourself, you know? I don't want you holding yourself back from that just because you think you're not worth it.”

He nodded his head, curling into you so that he was leaning against your shoulder this time.

“That doesn't mean you can't say no to me,” you continued. “I only want to do the things we both want to do.”

He reached out, pinky hooking into yours. The towel smelled like lake water and soap, and underneath all that, like him. “I did have fun,” he murmured. “Until I was dying.”

You laughed, finally, and Bob felt as though he had broken through you. “Yeah. Me too.”

That night, the cabin was quiet—except for the gentle hum of crickets and the faint creak of wood as it settled around you both. The lake was still outside the window, moonlight painting silver lines across its surface, soft and harmless now, like it was apologizing. From the bed, Bob stirred. His arm reached blindly toward your chair, half-asleep. “C’mere,” he mumbled. “S’cold.”

You stood, closed your laptop, and slipped under the covers beside him. He pressed his nose into your shoulder with a contented sigh.

You kissed his hair. “Next date’s on me again,” you whispered.

He giggled, soft and slurred. “As long as it’s not a lake.”

You smiled. “It's not a lake.”

Bob was staring at the edge of the public pool like it had personally wronged him.

The sun was high, the pool mostly empty—just a couple of old ladies doing synchronized aerobics on the far end, and a lifeguard who looked half-asleep behind her sunglasses. The water would barely reach Bob’s waist if he stood, but you’d think it was a gaping void into the unknown with how frozen his legs were. You were already in, casually leaning your arms on the tiled edge. Almost like you’d been born there. “Babe,” you said, squinting up at him. “You look like you’re about to fight God.”

“I just—” Bob’s voice cracked. He looked down at the pool. “It’s deeper than I thought.”

“It’s literally not. I'm standing.”

“People drown in tepid water,” he muttered.

A sound between a scoff and a laugh left your lips. You grinned at him. “Baby, you're okay. I'm right here. Would I let you drown a second time?”

He shook his head, curls bouncing.

“Exactly.” You floated back a little, as if to give him space to jump in. “What's wrong?”

“I guess it's just so much scarier now that I know what it's like to drown.”

You grimaced at the memory and bit back another apology. “You won't drown in this water,” you tried. “Not when I'm here.”

He didn’t look convinced.

“You've been in a kayak.”

“That capsized,” he added.

“And lived!” You raised a victorious fist for him. “There's nothing to worry about, Bobby.”

He gave you a suspicious look. “That’s what people always say in survival movies. Right before they die.”

You held out your hand, the gesture of a promise. “This isn't a survival movie. Just you, me, and that weird little Band-Aid over there.”

Bob glanced at the stray Band-Aid drifting near a filter and made a strangled sound.

“Oh come on—you live with 3 Super Soldiers plus Yelena and Ava. You can handle anything.”

“What's that got to do with swimming?”

It took a good long while. For a second there you thought you might give up with him, but eventually—after some aggressive coaxing, dramatic sighs, and one accidental toe dip that made him recoil like the water was lava—Bob sat on the edge, dipped both legs in, and slid in slowly, holding onto your arms like the world depended on it.

You whistled. “Atta boy. Not so bad, see?”

He nodded his head, curls already sticking to his forehead. Bob was clinging to you like you were a life raft and he was Jack from Titanic—except there was no iceberg, no orchestra, and no tragic ending in sight. Just the two of you in waist-deep water under the lazy glow of late afternoon sun, your fingertips brushing his hips, gently guiding him forward.

“You’re doing great,” you said, voice warm with encouragement.

“I haven’t moved.”

“And yet, look at you—still alive. That's progress.”

Bob gave you a flat, soggy look, but the corner of his mouth twitched like he was fighting a smile. “You tricked me. You said this date wasn’t gonna involve a lake.”

You gasped, eyes wide with furrowed brows, looking like you'd been accused of murder. “And where is the lake?” You raised a hand and gestured around, the dramatic flailing movement splashing water upon Bob’s cheek. He wrinkled his nose with a small giggle. “Is this a lake, Reynolds? Is there a lake in sight? Where. I don't see it.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “Okay, okay. I get it.”

You were gradually leading him away from the edge, his hands still clinging to your arms. He seemed to be too distracted to have noticed that the water was rising as the pool dipped. But only a little. Just above his chest. “This is important,” you said. “You can punch a helicopter out of the sky but if someone threw you into a puddle, you're toast?”

He frowned. “That's dramatic.”

“Let's do a backflip.”

“What!”

“Kidding! I'm kidding.” You hardly kept yourself from chuckling. “No, let's blow some bubbles. That's how you get rid of that fear. We need you under the water, nice and comfortable.”

Bob sighed. He gave you a long, deeply skeptical look—the kind reserved for used car salesmen and suspiciously enthusiastic swim instructors. “You just want to drown me.”

“You caught me,” you deadpanned, hands gently sliding to rest on his waist under the water. “I’ve spent all this time falling in love with you just to orchestrate your murder. Via public pool.”

That got him to crack a smile, small and grudging. “You're lucky I think you're cute.”

You grinned. “I am lucky. Now sink to your knees, handsome.”

He obeyed, only partially. He made a small gasp and mumbled, “Gee, scandalous.”

You scoffed. “You joke but once you get this shit down, there's a few things I might wanna try.”

He sputtered out a few unintelligible words, maybe some flustered statement of protest. You wouldn't be able to know, as your hand was already on his shoulder, gently pushing him downward. His back stiffened like he thought you were going to dunk him the second he wasn’t looking. “Wait, wait.” He clung onto your wrist. “What if I breathe in the water?”

“You won't. You just have to blow air out of your mouth, get your face in, your hair wet.” You shrugged, showing him that you weren't scared; that you were confident nothing bad would happen. “I'm right here. I won't even let you go, see? Just dunk yourself in.”

Bob hesitated, lips pressed tight, brows drawn together. You didn’t rush him. You just kept your hands steady and your voice low. “You’re safe. It’s just water. You’ve survived worse.”

He stared at you for a moment, then nodded, more to himself than to you. “Okay. Okay.” He took a breath and dipped his mouth below the surface. Then, a moment later: bloop bloop bloop—a string of nervous bubbles rose, followed by a triumphant gasp when he came up.

You grinned so hard it hurt. “There you go! That’s my guy.”

Bob wiped his face with both hands. “That was so dumb.”

“That was incredible,” you countered. “Also adorable, I don't make the rules.”

He turned pink at that. If it were due to the sun or you, he wouldn't admit. “How did- how did you learn to swim, anyway?” His brows knitted together. “Why are you so good at it?”

“Ah, psh.” You shrugged again, feigning a bragging expression. “M’grandad used to toss me into the deep end and hope for the best.”

His eyes widened, horrified. “Really?”

“...Actually, yeah.”

“Baby..”

“I know. Tragic.” You lifted his arms and hooked them over your shoulders. “He was a crazy man. Ran around naked in his house every Sunday. He made a mean pot of sirloin though. And thanks to him I managed to save my boyfriend from drowning–” you cut yourself off with a gasp. “You sly dog, you got me monologuing. You think you can talk your way outta’ lessons?”

He shook his head, innocently.

“Alright,” you said. “Come on, more bubbles. I'll go in with you this time.”

Bob mumbled something about wanting to go home, but he didn’t let go of you. Not even when you gently pulled him down again, both of you crouching low with your heads above the water. The surface curled around your chests and shoulders, warm and sun-dappled.

“Good,” you said softly. “On three. We go under, blow bubbles, come back up. That’s it.”

He gave you a slow nod. “Together.”

You counted down, voice low. “One, two, three.”

The two of you sank just beneath the surface, and for the briefest moment, the world hushed. No noise but the gentle gurgle of your breath, the rippling of water folding around your faces. You opened your eyes, chlorine be damned. You knew he was making a cute face, and you were right. Bob’s eyes were squeezed shut, cheeks puffed slightly as he blew an enthusiastic stream of bubbles—one hand still clinging to yours under the water like he was sure you’d disappear otherwise.

When you came back up, he gasped, erasing the distance between the two of you even more. “Okay, that's—” he heaved. “Not so bad.”

Water dripped down your forehead. “Yeah, see?”

The afternoon drifted forward. The sun moved gently across the sky, golden light bending through the clear water, making patterns that danced over your arms and Bob’s shoulders. The chatter of distant children echoed across the pool deck, faint and unobtrusive, like background music to your private, oddly romantic lesson. Bob stayed close, never letting go of you for long—no longer out of fear, but out of something softer, less urgent. His fingers toyed absently with yours between drills, and you let him, offering him the quiet assurance of your touch each time he looked uncertain.

You practiced blowing bubbles again, and again, until he no longer hesitated. Once or twice he even dunked his whole self in by himself, hair flopping forward in a mop when he surfaced, eyes wide and triumphant. You watched each little victory bloom across his face: like the lift of his brows when he realized he hadn’t swallowed any water this time.

When he got the hang of that, you moved onto floating. You had no intention of teaching him anything complicated, just enough to make sure he stayed afloat for an unforseen next time.

He didn't like the idea of leaning backwards. He was worried he'd get water up his nose. But your hands never left him, and you had promised not to let go as many times as it took to make him believe it. And when he finally beat his fear, he gave you a determined nod and leaned. He was stiffened at first, shoulders high, legs tense. You rubbed slow circles onto his back and counted quietly under your breath. “See? That’s it. You’re not going anywhere.”

Bob blinked up at the open sky, his whole body held afloat by your arms and the strange, miraculous science of surface tension. “Huh,” he said, voice small. “This is… kind of nice.”

You smiled. “You’re doing it, Bob.”

“I’m doing it,” he whispered, as if afraid he might jinx it.

For a moment, there was nothing but the gentle lapping of water and the quiet awe on his face. You watched him fall in love with the feeling of floating the way you'd already fallen for him—utterly, helplessly, completely.

He glanced at you sideways. “You're staring.”

“Sue me, Reynolds.”

At one point, you caught him staring at you, too. He watched you as you floated on your back in a lazy sprawl, arms stretched, chest rising and falling with the rhythm of your breath. His gaze was soft in silent admiration, a look that told you he was imagining a thousand more activities for a thousand more dates. You dipped beneath the water with a grin and popped up beside him, flicking a little splash at his face before he could pretend otherwise.

Eventually, the sun slanted low, turning everything amber. The pool had begun to empty, lifeguards wandering around with towels and clipboards, parents gathering children who’d turned raisin-wrinkled and sleepy. You and Bob lingered. Neither of you said it out loud, but there was something special in these last moments—something worth stretching out.

He rested his arms on the pool’s edge, head tilted back to soak up the final warmth of the day. You stayed beside him, water up to your neck, your shoulder just brushing his. For a while, there was no need to speak. You both simply floated, half-drowsy, your legs occasionally nudging beneath the surface.

When he finally turned his head, his expression was soft, lips pink and a little chapped from the chlorine. He didn’t say anything. Just nudged his nose against yours and closed his eyes. You kissed him, slow and unhurried, the taste of pool water still faint between you.

“I'm proud of you,” you muttered.

Bob looked at you like he might melt. He blinked at you, eyelashes wet and clumped together, eyes glossy in the fading light. That look—half undone, half stunned—made your chest ache in the best way. For a moment, you thought he might cry, or maybe laugh. He didn’t do either. Instead, he leaned in and kissed you again, his breath warm and a little shaky.

You didn’t break the quiet. You let it wrap around you both like the water still rippling at your shoulders. The pool had nearly emptied. A lifeguard far down the lane blew a sharp, distant whistle that bounced off the tiled walls and then faded. But here, in this shallow corner, time had slowed to a crawl.

“I love you,” he whispered.

You froze. It wasn’t dramatic. No sweeping music, no fireworks. Just a breath against your skin. A truth, offered tenderly, like something fragile he’d been holding in his hands for too long. It landed like he hadn’t meant to say it aloud yet, like it had snuck out of his chest before he could stop it. His fingers twitched in yours. He didn’t move otherwise, but you felt him stiffen slightly, like he wasn’t sure what might come next.

Your heart rose to your throat in one quiet rush.

You didn’t say anything at first. You pulled him back a little, hands cradling his face, making him look at you. His cheeks were warm despite the water, and his eyes—nervous, wide, a little red-rimmed—held yours like they were trying to memorize every flicker of your expression.

And then you smiled. “Sorry, water in my ears.”

Bob blinked. “What?”

“Didn't hear you. Say it again?”

He chuckled. His voice cracked, just barely. “I love you.”

And before he could flinch or apologize or make a joke, you kissed him. Deeply, fully, like you were answering before your words. “I love you, too.”

Bob's hand found yours under the surface again. He played with your fingers absentmindedly, like he wasn’t quite ready to let go of today yet. Like part of him needed to anchor himself to something real—your hand, your warmth, your voice reminding him he could do hard things. Even if those hard things involved pool noodles and blowing bubbles.

“Do I get a reward for learning how to swim?” His voice was shy but hopeful.

You clicked your tongue. “Tsk. You know how to float, not to swim.”

He pouted slightly.

You kissed him again, quick and chaste. “But we'll get there, Michael Phelps. And, yes—” Under the water, you playfully pinched his thigh, forcing him to flinch with a small undignified sound. “You do get a reward.”

His arms wrapped around you tighter, and his laugh—wet and disbelieving—bubbled up against your cheek as he held you like he never meant to let go.

Bob had been drowning long before the lake ever touched him. And even then, you were the one to haul him out into something that finally felt like air. With you, he surfaced. And for the first time, he was finally breathing.

#bob reynolds x reader #marvel x reader #thunderbolts x reader #bob reynolds x male reader #bob reynolds x fem!reader #bob reynolds x gn reader #bob reynolds #marvel #thunderbolts

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ofoceansandtombsanew · 7 months ago

Text

of the stars, of the stars

cw. f!reader, pre-canon, pre-5.3, elder!reader, masters of the night-wind!reader, hurt and comfort, established relationship

pairing. citlali x reader

synopsis. you've known citlali for many moons and many stars. in over 200 years of knowing each other, this is probably the angriest you've been at her. (or, you and your dear friend become grandparents.)

notes. you can roll your neck and stomp your feet but this black girl last wrote a genshin fic in april. but this has been in my thoughts since playing the the 5.1 archon quest. yes, op fans, that was a heart of gold reference. yes, fmab fans, that was a bradley reference. divider by @/cafekitsune

"A gentle smile, a dignified smile, your adorable smile," you rasp, on the nth loop of your pacing in your front yard. How many times have you sung this song in the past 20 minutes? You stopped counting after 5 but still you had continued singing the only song that was able to stall the boy's tears. "Silver hearts and gold hearts, I'll give them all to you. Alchemy, Alchema. Hold the gold star-"

"That's not a song from the Masters."

With your song halted, you quickly adjust to bouncing the child in your arms. Yet your efforts were all for not and as the eruption of tears started once again, you can't stop yourself from groaning in frustration.

Recently fed, unsoiled diaper, no immediate signs for why he was unable to settle to settle down.

"Baby," you beg the boy with every fiber of your being to settle down for his nap. "We've been through this for the past hour! I can't keep singing, I have work to do!"

Balking at your sharp look, Citlali looks at you apologetically. "Sorry," she murmurs. In your chest, a flicker of upset stirs but it is not directed as the child in your arms. In Citlali's hands there is a basket filled to the brim with various goods ー loose cloth, seasonings, and what seems to be some sort of milk source among other things.

The goods do little to sway your mood.

You hold each other's gaze for one, two, three seconds before you shake your head with a huff, turning your gaze back on the brown-skinned boy in your arms. There's a pause, a shuffle before a pair of thin arms come into your line of sight. "Let me," it's practically a plea. "You look like you need a break."

A baby wailing in your ears, your eyes burning every time you blink. It's with your uncountable sigh of the afternoon that you relent. "Do what you will," you wave a hand uncaringly in the direction of your door steps. "Lord of the Night knows I'm exhausting my options."

Tenderly, the wolf-eared child is passed from your arms to Citlali's and she lowers herself even more cautiously as she sits where you've indicated.

A few whimpers, a hiccup and a tentative press into her chest and the child settles. Color you surprised, you silently release a breath and slide a hand across your face, fingers settling against your chin. Citlali looks more surprised than you, with her raised eyebrows and wide pupils. It's almost instinctive how the purple-haired woman looks up at you with a smile, it falters less than a second later.

Suddenly it's Citlali's gaze turning onto the baby boy who is finding the realm of dreams more interesting.

"Some of us have the gift," you grumble, turning to prod at what your oldest companion delivered. "Apparently I'm not one of them."

There's another pause. Only the occasional call of nearby iktomisaurs offer that much assistance.

You tilt and turn a jar of what you presume to be a jar of spices from Sumeru. You've enjoyed adding them to your cooking since you were 51 after meeting a traveling scholar from Sumeru studying Natlan's Ley Lines, or lack thereof. Nasrin, she was called. You met by coincidence at the Chuwen Fair and a friendship had been sparked.

How long it's been since then?

Citlali had been subjected to your experiments at making Sumeran cuisine once you'd returned home.

You set down the spice jar in exchange for a sachet that smells distinctively of dried windwheel asters and embercore flowers. An interesting combination but one you've been fond of the past few years after encountering an interesting character from Mondstadt, a hardy man named Varka. Your appreciation of Mondstadt's flora had been planted by him. You wonder how he's doing now.

Not everything in here is for the baby, you want to say. You brush your thumb against the purple-black of the fabric. "It's from the Children," you mutter instead and there's a sound of surprise. "The song," you clarify, returning the sachet from where you found it and you turn back around with your arms crossed. "My mother from the Children of Echoes used to sing it to me when I was a little girl. You're lucky, boy," you tell the sleeping child. "Growing up across two tribes, I've got plenty of stories for you and a variety of tunes."

Citlali's own smile returns albeit hesitantly, "I see." She hums a brief tune you're unable to discern. "I remember her visits. She came with your grandfather once, he scared me."

You can't help a chuckle, "everyone was scared of him until they talked to him." Even your mother from the Night-Winds long, long ago. You remember how you and Citlali had laughed at her recollection of meeting him the first time. How she apparently insisted he didn't like her while Mom insisted in return that it was just his face.

Mom's argument won.

It was just his face.

"I never thought he had a scary face until I got older," you admit, shaking your head in amusement. "Then I looked back on it and thought, 'maybe I can see what my friends were talking about'."

You share a laugh once again for a short moment before silence falls between you both once again. Smiles fade and it feels as cool as the Cryo Vision on Citlali's hip.

This is good, you want to think.

Everything worked out, you want to think.

Move past this.

Your fingers pinch your forehead. You've never been good at keeping your mouth shut, however. This is true even now as you finally, finally ask, "what on Teyvat were you thinking?"

You've known Citlali for many moons and many stars. She had been your first friend when you moved from your childhood home after it had been discovered you had natural talents as Spiritspeaker.

Was the one you endured years of rigorous training with.

Many of your friends and family are dead and gone. You've seen all of Natlan change in the years you've lived. Citlali has been one of the few things in your life that is as constant as the long-lived traditions of your tribe. Something that won't change for who knows how many centuries you may continue living.

She's your partner.

Wife.

The one you always return to.

("How can a hag whose barely home give me love advice?"

"Citlali is the woman I chose; there's nothing more that needs to be said between us. That's why we're the longest-lived couple in Natlan, brat.")

In over 200 years of knowing each other, this is probably the angriest you've been at her.

"You weren't here," she says softly, shrinking into herself.

"Did I have to be," you shoot back, just short of yelling. When the child stirs, your mouth clamps shut and you inhale deeply trying to calm yourself.

There are no lies in her words; you hadn't been there when this child with a fragmented soul had been discovered. Nor had you been there when Chief Masoro concocted their plan to sacrifice said child and decided to ask the opinions of the eldest members of the tribe.

You'd been off visiting the Children, visiting descendants of family long since past. You'd been off gallivanting with the Scions, exchanging cups with newly minted companions. You'd been off viewing the changes grand and miniscule that had accumulated over the decades in this country in which you were born. You'd been everywhere but home.

Sure as the leaves weave in whichever direction the wind blows, you go back and forth between holing up in your abode and traveling the land.

Uhuru.

Freedom.

As sure as the moon will rise you have oft lived up to your Ancient Name. You are no stranger to the unexpected, going with the flow much like a wayfinder navigates the tides. Perhaps that why you were gifted a Hydro Vision than what you expected would be Anemo.

Yet never in your wildest dreams did you imagine coming home to a failed ritual to make an infant a vessel for lost souls to return to the Night Kingdom. What's worse is that Citlali had done nothing to stop it in your absence. "I didn't need to be here to tell you that was a terrible, horrific idea."

"I never said 'yes'," you know that tone. The one where she falters, unable to say what comes next and in spite of your fury, you are able to wait for what she says next. "But I never said 'no' either. I am… ashamed. And relieved. When it failed, I was so relieved," her shoulders shake and you don't need to see Citlali's face to know she is crying. "There's nothing I can do to take it back, but I'm still so relieved."

She's always been easy to cry whether angry or stressed. Crybaby Citlali, you'd occasionally tease her. That would get a minor hex tossed your way every time.

Even when you're upset with her, you can't stop yourself from lowering yourself to sit beside her. As if punishing herself, she doesn't move so you make the movement for her ー wrapping your arm around pale shoulders gingerly to tuck her into yourself. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she sniffs and you rest your head against pastel purple hair.

She weeps and weeps until the afternoon azure sky starts turning carmine and vermillion. Until there's nothing left for her to cry you sit with Citlali through it all.

"Sorry for not coming home sooner," you give her a gentle squeeze, not wanting to disturb the infant in her arms.

"I'm sorry for not telling Mosoro to wait until you were here to consult the both of us."

"I'm sorry for traveling so much."

"I'm sorry for-"

You stop the apology fest before Citlali can say anything else, "alright, I think we've apologized enough."

The laughter between you both is quiet but light, so is the tension that has heavily looming over you for the past week. "Fine," Citlali cedes. "You win. This time."

You snort wordlessly.

"And for Archon's sake," it's your wife's turn to huff, looking much more like her usual self. Blue eyes glare at you in amusement. "We need to name him already. You can't keep calling him 'Baby', what if he starts reacting to it?"

"Well why don't you come up with his name, O Wise One?"

Citlali is quick to snip that she will be naming the boy in your care. "Ororon," she says after a good five minutes have past. "Ororon is a powerful name. And he likes it, don't you, Ororon?"

He isn't even awake to hear it. "Yeah," you agree regardless. "He likes it. Granny Itztli picked out a good one for you." It's a big name for one so small, but you have no doubts the boy will one day grow into it. "We've really skipped some steps," the air is warm, unsurprising for the land of Pyro. But it's touch more hopeful than usual, like the atmosphere of the nation after another battle with the Abyss. Just as your people rebuild after every attack, the two of you can rebuild from this. "Normally people have kids before they start having grandchildren. The arcane arts never prepared us for this."

Citlali stifles a yawn, "no, no it hasn't."

#look she's writing #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #citlali x reader #citlali #ororon #very self indulgent; i clearly had a lot of thoughts

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unfriedough · 2 years ago

Note

Hi super sorry if your request aren’t open.

I had this thought about Zuko x waterbending reader and maybe they could be related to Hama (like a grandma or something) and r basically it’s difficult to explain but Zuko and reader started dating after the war and he tries really hard to get Hamas approval because he’s from the fire nation and Hama ends up sorta accepting him but is still hella weary about him

‘Dinner’- Zuko x female!reader

An: HIYA! So as to not be annoying I’m leaving my lil disappearance explanation at the bottom, enjoy 🫶

(As usual, thank you for your request and patience it means a lot 💕)

Warnings: fighting/agression but it’s brief dw (this is also a very short piece)

You smiled as a candle flickered in your room, kicking your feet as you read a letter your boyfriend, Zuko, wrote to you. He detailed in it his most recent endeavours as a fire lord, as well as affirmed that he could in fact come for a visit. You had been planning to move to his palace soon, as per his request, but he was afraid your grandmother, Hama, a ruthless fire nation hating blood bender who might just hate Zuko, would not be on board. You decided the easiest way was to have them both over for food, and you’d prepared a huge feast of different delicacies of both nations. Zuko was meant to arrive in about an hour, and Hama was already down stairs washing up. She vaguely knew you were going to introduce her to someone, just not entirely aware of who. You shoved the scroll into another backpack you packed for your move, which was supposed to take place a week from now if all goes well.

You walked over to the window sill and sat on a cushion you placed on the protruding wooden part, sighing. You wandered in an endless maze of thoughts, until a face appeared in front of you. You squeaked, almost falling backwards but you caught yourself. Shaking your head, you unlocked the window and pulled zuko in.

“Dude?” You questioned, pulling him in for a hug.

He smelled like the sea, you noted, originally expecting the smell of a certain beast on him.

“Sorry- I got nervous,” you giggled, pinching his pouty cheeks.

He grinned, dipping you into a passionate kiss that screamed ‘I miss you’ in every language. His hand trailed to your back, and yours his hair. Just as things began to escalate, the door swung open.

“YN!”

Immediately, you pushed him away, and he stumbled backwards. Both your eyes landed on your grandma, who was as pale as a ghost.

“I can explain!”

“What kind of nonsense is this?”

Zuko was frozen, from the long list of things that could've gone wrong, this did not even make the top one hundred list.

“Grandma, this is Zuko,” you calmed down, “My boyfriend,”

He snapped out of his trance and extended an arm to shake with her. She walked out, leaving a small stone to prevent the door from closing again.

“Sorry about her,” you groaned, embarrassed that she left him hanging.

He retreated his arm, shoving it into his pocket, “She already thinks I suck. It’s over.”

“It’s okay she’s easy to win over,” you smiled sweetly, contrasting the lies that currently fled your lips.

Stiff, awkward, weird… all of the above.

You couldn’t relax for this dinner, things were so tense after what just happened. He didn’t even get to say hello before she saw his tongue down your throat and now she probably is a hair away from blood bending him into a ball. And he could tell she hated him- when he asked you to pass him a spoon she threw it at him. She missed…

“So, why don’t you tell her about yourself Zuko,” you broke the silence.

His eyes widened, suddenly being put on the spot, “Well I-uh-um-“ he coughed.

“He helped the avatar end a hundred year war,” you chimed in.

“Yeah so he can start a 200 year war all on his own,” she remarked, glaring at him. “All fire folks are the same,”

“Gram, give him a chance, he’s trying his best,” you held his hand over the table, rubbing your thumb in comforting circles.

Suddenly, a fork came hurling at you, and when you both dodged your hands away, you found it embedded in the table.

“Right…” you breathed out.

She stood up abruptly, folding her arms, “Yn, come outside, now,”

“Yes ma’am,” you replied, looking back at Zuko with a worried expression.

You shut the creaky wooden door behind you and adjusted your garments as you stood by here on the patio.

“A fire nation boy?”

“He’s different… he’s not what you think he is,”

“That’s what they all say Yn, he’s bad news.”

“What about him is bad news?”

“Everything. Especially the fact that he’s a ticking time bomb.”

“He’s a good man.”

“Are you forgetting his past? He attacked the avatar!” Your eyes widened, “That’s right, I did my research… I know every little thing he did and so help me if you dare leave this house with him I will make sure that’s the last time either of you see each other.”

“You can’t do that!”

“Who’s gonna stop me?”

Your eyes brimmed with tears- it was one thing to ban you from seeing him, but a completely other thing to treat you like a child. You were old enough to make these decisions on your own. You huffed, storming back inside and waltzing into your bedroom, slamming the door with a lot of force.

Hama sat back down at the table, smiling before she flipped it onto Zuko. He gasped, standing up quickly to avoid being crushed. She stomped around the table and got up in his face, grabbing the collar of his shirt. She was surprisingly strong for her ancient age.

“What do you want from her?”

“To be with her,”

“Why?”

“Because I love her,”

“WHY?”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?”

She pushed him onto the ground, lifting her arm as if about to bloodbend him. He’d heard the tales of what she was capable of from his friends, and he felt his heart drop.

Zuko froze, waiting, shielding himself and closing his eyes.

“Aren’t you gonna firebend?” She asked, a bitter sounding tone.

“No.”

Just then, you exited your room, finally having collected your bearings. There, you found Zuko almost curled up on himself, and Hama glaring at him. He breathed heavily, and she looked as if a blood vessel was about to pop. You immediately rushed to his side, helping him up to his feet and checking him for wounds. He was fine of course.

Your hand brushed against his cheek and he closed his eyes, humming, “I’m fine,”

“What did you do?” You yelled, looking at the old lady.

“I tested him.”

You laughed sarcastically, “And did he pass,”

“With flying colours,” 2 out of 3 pairs of eyebrows flew upwards, you and Zuko exchanged glances. “For now,”

After a bit of cleaning up, you finished the night with Zuko in your bedroom, sitting at your desk.

“Is everything okay?” You asked, leaning against the table.

“If she doesn’t even want me near you, how on Earth are you going to move in with me?”

“That’s… that’s a great question.”

An: OKAY SO idek where to start I basically obv got back to school and I had exams and then even MORE EXAMS coming up (send help) BUUUT I mainly just lost my spark and interest in writing but it feels wrong to continue to ignore my inbox so I’m gonna try my best to clear it soon. If you have requested I’m genuinely so so sorry it’s taken this long I’m sure you’re mad at me but hopefully not too mad don’t hate me okay bye love you 🩷

#atla #atla zuko #avatar the last airbender #avatar zuko #fluff #prince zuko #prince zuko x reader #zuko #zuko angst #zuko atla #zuko x you #zuko x f!reader #zuko x fem!reader #zuko x y/n #zukoxreader #zuko x reader

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fatphobiabusters · 6 months ago

Note

I keep yo-yo dieting as early as age 12. Currently in my mid 20s. The lowest weight I even been is 180. Highest was somewhere in the 200-mid 200s.

And ughhhhh I’m so tired. I’m so tired of the anxiety about food and weight. I keep having periods where I love my body and eat anything I want, but then anytime I accidentally overeat and feel nauseous, I come crashing back down and feel so gross.

It majorly dosnt help that half of my family are fat phobic and food obsession health. Like, a family member literally said multiple times I should get a ED to help me lose weight……Since I can’t metaphorically leave my house, I’m stuck….:idk what to do? It feels like I’m trap in a never ending circle.

This isn't an easy situation, and I bet a lot of people are in this boat with you. I wish your family would listen to your feelings and treat you with compassion. Nobody, including you, should be encouraged to develop an eating disorder, let alone by a member of their own family. You deserve to live a life that doesn't involve being told to abuse your body into temporary thinness.

Fatphobic family members definitely make life as a fat person harder, and that's often elevated during the holidays. Here's some coping mechanisms you can try to help you while interacting with your family:

Find a space you can go to by yourself to cool down while dealing with fatphobic family members. Maybe that's sitting on a porch, taking a walk outside, or even hanging out in your room. Having stuff with you to help you destress while you're cooling down can also be beneficial. This could be headphones for listening to music, a sketchbook for drawing, a stim toy, etc.

If this is a temporary situation, like being at a family member's house for dinner, and you're also with somebody you trust, make a plan with that person for when family members bring up diet culture. A secret word, a tap on the shoulder, a text to their phone that let's them know you want to leave/change the conversation. Even just knowing you have somebody there with you who understands how you're feeling can be helpful.

You can try to change the subject when your family starts talking about weight. You can also do this subtly if you need to by switching to a topic somewhat related to the original conversation. For example, if somebody is talking about exercising in a diet culture manner, you could ask if they go on walks and where their favorite place to walk is. If somebody is talking about their diet recipes, start talking about a new recipe you've tried recently that your family members "have to try." If a family member says they've gained or lost weight, ask them what else has been happening in their life. And if changing the subject doesn't work, there's hopefully the options of putting on headphones or leaving the space.

Surround yourself with as much fat positivity as you can. That's easier said than done, but even a few fat positive posts may help you turn around a bad day. You could also try creating some of your own fat positive posts/works, if that sounds fun to you.

If this is possible, you can set goals for what you need to do to leave your family home and live away from your family. Mark those goals on a piece of paper so you can check them off. Every time you get closer to your goal of living away from your family, that progress will likely help you have the strength to deal with your family members for the time being. These goals can be saving a certain amount of money, finishing the next semester of school, finding a better job, etc.

These are just a few ideas off the top of my head. Any followers who also have tips, please let us know in the notes.

As for accidentally overeating and feeling nauseous, I relate to that not being a great feeling. Try to ride out that feeling of discomfort. Tell yourself that the feeling will pass whether you act on that feeling or not. As somebody who knows a lot about OCD recovery, you have to teach yourself to sit with the discomfort (or the uncertainty, in the case of OCD) and let that discomfort pass. It will take time to get better at this, but you deserve food no matter what.

-Mod Worthy

#fatphobia #internalized fatphobia #diet culture #ask #cutepastelstarsailor #Mod Worthy

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reikorun · 1 year ago

Text

KlubOutside Q&A 101-200 [Translation]

Translated by @reikorun

Q101.

2021.05.10

Renji is my favorite character, but my surprise exceeded my delight at seeing him as Ichigo's counterpart on the cover of the JET illustration collection. I would like to know if there is a reason why you chose Renji as the paired character?

A101.

On the contrary, I've never once thought of Ichigo's counterpart as anyone other than Renji.

Q102.

2021.05.10

Are there any recent Jump manga that you find interesting?

A102.

Jump manga have been interesting lately huh? My absolute favorites are Undead Unluck and SAKAMOTO DAYS. And recently, High School Family: Kokosei Kazoku too.

Q103.

2021.05.17

Are Harribel-sama's Fracción (Apacci, Sung-Sun and Mila Rose) modeled after Nocchi, KASHIYUKA and a-chan from the music group "Perfume"?

A103.

A long time ago, I was asked the same question by the individuals in question themselves. It's an incorrect assumption, however I like Perfume so I don't mind.

Q104.

2021.05.17

I have a question about the illustrations published in the Gallery's Guidelines on KlubOutside. Are the numbers noted on the side the Copic color number?

A104.

This is the screentone number (a polka dot pattern film that is cut and pasted onto an analog manuscript.)

Q105.

2021.05.17

Have you ever watched professional wrestling?

A105.

I used to watch WWE (known as WWF back then) quite often around the time The Rock was at his peak.

Q106.

2021.05.17

Did someone give Rōjūrō the nickname "Rose" because it was difficult to call him "Rōjūrō"?

A106.

Rose gave himself that nickname because he thinks it's cool.

Q107.

2021.05.17

Why does Ninny wear suspenders in the BTW anime?

A107.

When they saw her wearing it in the color spread for the one-shot, the anime team said "it's cute so is it okay if she wears it the whole time in the anime?"

Q108.

2021.05.24

I think the illustrations from Brave Souls at this opportune time captures the essence of the original work and is incredibly cool, as the original author, what sort of impressions do you have of the Brave Souls illustrations?

A108.

I think it's getting better with each passing year. The design roughs that are submitted for supervision are also excellent.

Q109.

2021.05.24

Where do you start from when making a drawing?

A109.

When I'm not doing a rough underdrawing, I start from the bone around the eyebrows.

Q110.

2021.05.24

I'd like to know about what you've purchased and found useful recently, or something that you're enjoying.

A110.

A Yogibo Pod, Tom Ford sneakers, JINS PC glasses.

Q111.

2021.05.24

Is the playlist on KlubOutside the list that Kubo-sensei is listening to?

A111.

I'm uploading the songs I often listen to in real time.

Q112.

2021.05.24

Did Kubo-sensei decide the OP and ED songs for the anime?

A112.

Basically that doesn't involve me. Occasionally, I'd receive a demo version, and there were also times when I gave a little input when it didn't feel like much of an opening theme.

Q113.

2021.05.31

Will you ever publish a continuation of your one-shot stories like Rune Master Urara.

A113.

Urara had a story prepared for the purpose of serialization but it didn't get past the serialization meeting because it had a female protagonist in a battle setting and the story was hellishly dark. I'm not interested in drawing dark stories right now, but I might do it if I get a lot of free time.

Q114.

2021.05.31

Kubo-sensei, please tell us your favorite font (like Ming typeface or Gothic typeface etc.)

A114.

During BLEACH's serialization, I liked Impact.

Q115.

2021.05.31

Byakuya-san said that Ichigo was only the second person to ever bear witness to his Senkei, but who was the first person to have seen it?

A115.

I can't answer this here.

Q116.

2021.05.31

Regarding the animation production, you mentioned that it would make your stomach hurt while watching it at home due to discrepancies that arose from your lack of involvement in its early days. But, from approximately what episode did Tite-sensei get his hands involved in the production?

A116.

Starting from the Bount arc, I began to do only dialogue checks in the script for the characters belonging to the original work, just before recording.

Q117.

2021.05.31

Old-man Zangetsu tried to reveal his name while in Kurosaki Ichigo-kun's inner world, but it was blocked out with black ink and he was unable to convey his message. Was this the work of Hyōsube Ichibē.

A117.

That's correct.

Q118.

2021.06.07

Is "Rondanini's black dog" Kotodama originating from the West Branch of Soul Society? ×[1]

A118.

That's right.

Q119.

2021.06.07

Your photos of Uni-chan are very beautiful, did you take them with a digital camera? Or was it a smartphone?

A119.

A smartphone.

Q120.

2021.06.07

Did Captain Hitsugaya and Rangiku-san realize that Ichigo is Shiba Isshin's son when they came to the Human World as part of the Hitsugaya advance team?

A120.

Both of them realized.

Q121.

2021.06.07

It's come to be that Gin's Special Move in Brave Souls is "Shukyoku - Kamishini no Yari, Butō: Renjin." Is this "Shukyoku" an established concept in the original work?

A121.

That's heart Gin isn't it? It's a game original expression.

Q122.

2021.06.07

When you listen to a character's theme song, it can heighten the depth of each individual considerably, so I enjoy having the opportunity to listen to them. At what stage in the development of a character are these theme songs decided?

A122.

It depends on the character. Some characters change midway through the drawing process.

Q123.

2021.06.14

What kind of thoughts went into the name "Tite", Kubo-sensei's pen-name? The alphabetical notation has always been "Tite" rather than "Taito", but is there some reason for that? Furthermore, I'm also curious as to why the unusual character "帯" is used in your name.

A123.

It means something like "one's head is always filled with many people." ×[2]

Q124.

2021.06.14

When Kurotsuchi Mayuri's bare face was revealed for the first time, his skin color was dark, but was that the case from the beginning? Also, will Kurotsuchi Mayuri's bare face never be seen again? He was more handsome than I expected.

A124.

This is about the anime? I recall watching the broadcast at the time and saying to my editor "his skin color is different!" The request for editorial supervision didn't come to me.

Q125.

2021.06.14

Which organization assigns names to Hollows?

A125.

There's a guy in charge of naming in the Shinigami Research and Development Institute.

Q126.

2021.06.14

In the final chapter, Orihime appeared as Ichigo's wife, but there was no ring on her left ring finger. Did Kubo-sensei forget to draw it? Or is it establishing that she's pregnant with her second child and her body is swollen, therefore she intentionally took off her ring?

A126.

Huh? You're right! I forgot to draw it.

Q127.

2021.06.14

Why were two Hyōrinmaru born?

A127.

I'd be happy if you could watch the movies as a parallel story rather than considering it part of the official canon.

Q128.

2021.06.21

How do you come up with the subtitle for each chapter? In BLEACH especially, most of the subtitles are in English and occasionally there is Japanese, but is there a particular emphasis placed on that? Additionally, I would be so glad if you could also tell us about any subtitles throughout your entire body of work that you are particularly fond of or any that evoke some special memory.

A128.

At the time, there was no other work yet which combined Japanese style clothing with the English alphabet, so I deliberately added English subtitles, and in special chapters I made a point of adding Japanese subtitles in order to leave an impression. In that sort of sense, many people may prefer the Japanese subtitles.

Q129.

2021.06.21

I was interested in manga artists' fan clubs and joined one! I started reading BLEACH for the first time last week and am currently on volume 22. I'm looking forward to getting to the final volume! I would really like to know who exactly is sensei's favorite character!?

A129.

Eh? You joined without reading BLEACH!? Is this person real…. I don't have a favorite character. On the whole, I like them all about the same and am equally uninterested in them about the same.

Q130.

2021.06.21

To what extent is Kubo-sensei involved with Brave Souls? Did you ever get to play it again?

A130.

The gameplay mechanics don't concern me, but I oversee the design for the anniversary characters and characters who appear to affect the main story similar to the novel variants. I returned to the game after a long hiatus during BTW, but I was surprised at just how much easier it has become to play.

Q131.

2021.06.21

How did you decide the names of your characters? Do you have some kind of image in mind when you come up with names like "Bambietta Basterbine" and "Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez" etc.?

A131.

Everything is named based on how it sounds and my own intuition. I genuinely love naming things, so I always have a list of names belonging to (or sound like they belong to) various nationalities, enough to accommodate several hundred characters. I often draw out names from there.

Q132.

2021.06.21

A fair amount of difference can be observed in Kubo-sensei's art style when comparing the first volume with the last volume, but did you intend for this change at the time the manga was being serialized? Or did it change over the course of drawing a large number of illustrations?

A132.

It's not so much a conscious effort, but more like a perpetual feeling that this isn't the best style for portraying my characters, and I'm trying to explore that while drawing. In the case of BLEACH, of course the final stages are closer to the ideal, and at present I'm even closer to that ideal compared to back then.

Q133.

2021.06.28

I believe Tōsen can Hollowfy → activate Resurrección, but can Ichigo and members of the Visored do this too? Does this mean that both Bankai and Resurrección are possible if they are in a Hollowfied state?

A133.

It's possible.

Q134.

2021.06.28

Is "Top of Horns" a metaphor for various genres of music? For example, I think Bruno represents rock and roll and Roy represents R&B.

A134.

It's different for Top of Horns, but it was actually like that for the Visored.

Q135.

2021.06.28

Please unveil the mystery behind "Ururu" and "Jinta". Who are they?

A135.

They are both Artificial Souls created by Kisuke.

Q136.

2021.06.28

In the illustrations for BLEACH, the characters are seen wearing western style clothes with various designs, but were these designs drawn independently by Kubo-sensei himself.

A136.

All illustrations in the original work are my own designs, all illustrations from the anime do not concern me.

Q137.

2021.06.28

Sensei, when you draw an illustration, do you draw the figure and such without using any references, like an artist's mannequin?

A137.

I once went to check out an art supply store because I thought it would be cool to have a drawing mannequin in my workplace, like one of those skilled painters, but in the end I didn't buy it since I couldn't figure out how to correctly use it as a reference.

Q138.

2021.07.05

I like Senju Kōten Taihō and often chant it, does sensei have a favorite incantation to chant too?

A138.

I generally always like the newest ones the best, so right now it's probably Blue Spark or Supernal Jail.

Q139.

2021.07.05

Was the BLEACH logo sensei's idea?

A139.

That's correct. I had a logo which I drew myself brought to life by an acquaintance, Shueisha bought it and are using it. By the way, the logo on the first chapter spread of Zombiepowder is hand-drawn, and I had BTW use my hand-drawn logo as is.

Q140.

2021.07.05

When you were contemplating the map of Karakura Town, were there any places that you used as reference?

A140.

I sort of used my local town as reference but it turned out completely different.

Q141.

2021.07.05

If it's okay, I would like to know Hinamori Momo-san's name before the change. Also, besides Hinamori-san, are there any other characters whose names have been changed since the initial stages?

A141.

I changed it because it wasn't very good, so the original is a secret. Additionally, Hitsugaya had a completely different first name too until the very last moment of the manuscript. This is also a secret.

Q142.

2021.07.12

I have a question regarding Kira Izuru-kun's healing abilities and the history of his affiliations. He was first assigned to Captain Aizen's 5th Division, while there he was found to have an aptitude for Kaidō and was recruited to the 4th division, but does that mean that he was later poached by Ichimaru Gin of Squad 3?

A142.

When he was a member of Squad 4, it was Aizen who recommended the transfer to Unohana.

Q143.

2021.07.12

How was it that Kuna Mashiro came to be appointed as "Super Vice-Captain"? Is her armband official? (Personally, I think it's something she wilfully made on her own, or perhaps someone in her Squad prepared it just to placate her.)

A143.

When Kensei returned to the position of Captain, Mashiro pestered Kensei alone saying it's "unfair", so it's a post that Kensei made up himself without consulting anyone. The armband is also a complete fake made with shiny material in the hope that it would please Mashiro. Though, with a single glance Mashiro was satisfied.

Q144.

2021.07.12

In volume 31, when Grimmjow tried to break Loly's leg clean off, she says "if you stop, wait! We can make this our secret!" What was she trying to say next? I haven't spoken openly about it much since being told that I have a bad personality, but the scenario before and after that scene is one of my favorites!!

A144.

It was "I'll let you have your way with me." Loly's the kind of character who would deliver a line like that when she's in a desperate situation. A famous manga artist friend of mine once told me that he loved that scene too, so I think it's fine to openly discuss it.

Q145.

2021.07.12

I thought that the 5 members of the Bambies from the Wandenreich looked similar to Momoiro Clover Z, but what are the facts actually like?

A145.

The very first design motif I used for them was indeed Momoclo, but after I had finalized the characters I thought "well then, who is Gigi?" So I decided not to say anything. (I just said it.)

Q146.

2021.07.12

I'm really looking forward to the Ninny-chan and Noel-chan figurines, when will the news be updated?!

A146.

I'm looking forward to it too. I wonder when!?

Q147.

2021.07.12

Kubo-sensei, do you drink alcohol? If so, what kind of alcohol do you like?

A147.

I recently discovered that I'm able to drink if it's "Horoyoi*." I like the white one. (*Horoyoi is a brand of canned, alcoholic beverage in Japan.)

Q148.

2021.07.12

Do you have a favorite YouTuber?

A148.

I don't know if I can classify them as YouTubers, but I sometimes watch YouTube videos of people free diving then catching and eating strange fish.

Q149.

2021.07.19

Why is the Shihakushō, which can also be called the Shinigami uniform, black? Is it so that the Monk can enlist their help in case of an emergency?

A149.

The color was decided upon in the days of first Gotei generation, the reason was "so you wouldn't have to throw it away every time it gets stained with blood." However, your idea about the Monk would also make a good backstory.

Q150.

2021.07.19

How do members of the Sternritter perceive Giselle Gewelle's gender? Are they not aware of it, are they aware but pretending not to notice it, or are they just not interested in it? I would be glad if you could tell us.

A150.

It depends on the person.

Q151.

2021.07.19

I have a question concerning Kusajishi Yachiru. Is it a result of the fact that she was called by the name "Yachiru" that she herself possessed a Zanpakutō called "Sanpo Kenjū", while also being "Nozarashi" - the Zanpakutō of Zaraki Kenpachi?

Like Hihiō Zabimaru or Fuji Kujaku, there are many scenes where a Zanpakutō not called by its true name was unable to demonstrate its true power. I reckon "Nozarashi" bore the essence of a Shinigami and materialized as a consequence of being called by the name "Yachiru" - a Shinigami who actually exists, and perhaps because it was the name "Yachiru" (*Yachi = eight thousand, Ru = flows/styles), she acquired Sanpo Kenjū which was specialized for the act of cutting.

I'm quite curious about the true identity of Kusajishi Yachiru, so I'd be overjoyed if you could give us an answer.

A151.

Wow, amazing! It's not even written that Yachiru is Nozarashi, yet you managed to find your way here. You are mostly correct within the scope covered by your question. To go further, Yachiru is a form of Nozarashi's Bankai manifestation separated from its main body, and having received her name from Kenpachi, she harbored the power of a Shinigami. The embodiment of Nozarashi itself takes the form of a grown woman. I think it's easier to understand if I got you to imagine Zangetsu and Tensa Zangetsu.

Q152.

2021.07.19

Why are the names of Chad and Orihime's Fullbring not in English unlike the members of XCUTION? I was intrigued because sensei used different languages for naming depending on the faction.

A152.

Since these two are in a special category, their abilities were given names in their respective native languages.

Q153.

2021.07.19

With Madarame Ikkaku's appearance in the Fullbring chapters, attached to his right shoulder we see some kind of gold plated equipment with the kanji for "dragon" printed on it, is that his own work? I'm curious because it's established in the lore that he's good with his hands.

A153.

It's Ikkaku's own work.

Q154.

2021.07.19

What kind of person is the manager of ABCookies where Orihime worked?

A154.

I have the concept art for him. I ended up having so much fun while drawing him that he became a creepy old man, but he's a good person.

Q155.

2021.07.26

Did Baraggan not reveal his own rank, nor refer to himself as "Espada" due to his rivalry with Aizen?

A155.

That's right.

Q156.

2021.07.26

Please tell us your favorite places in Hiroshima!

A156.

I don't get to go back that often, but I like Soleil (now Aeon Mall). It's huge and exciting.

Q157.

2021.07.26

Is it intentional that the number of English words used in the subtitle from BLEACH chapter 679 "THE END" up to 683 "THE DARK SIDE OF TWO WORLD ENDS" increases with each chapter?

A157.

Yes.

Q158.

2021.07.26

Aizen said "From the very start, no one has stood upon the heavens," and while looking at Ukitake he said "not you, not I, nor even gods," but was this "you" here hinting at the connection between Ukitake and the Soul King?

A158.

That is correct.

Q159.

2021.07.26

The haori, jinbei, and hat which Urahara Kisuke wears in the Human World can probably be described as his only good clothes, did Urahara Kisuke himself purchase them at a Human World draper or something?

A159.

Those are all items Kisuke made himself.

Q160

2021.07.26

To what extent does Kubo-sensei supervise the color scheme of the digital color tankōbon?

A160.

I'm supposed to give them all a look over around the time of their debut, but since I'm making my checks while busy with other things during serialization, I sometimes find myself wondering "did I really choose this kind of color!?" In Brave Souls, occasionally the color of the skills just happen to change, well that is the reason why. I'm sorry!

Q161.

2021.08.02

Spanish is used for words related to the Arrancar and Hueco Mundo, German is used for words related to the Wandenreich and Quincy, but I would like to know why you chose these two languages? Does Kubo-sensei have a special attachment to both languages?

A161.

I think Spanish has a devilish charm, German has a hard-headed sound to it. By the way, when I told this story at an event in Germany, it was amusing to the Germans. It seems that the German people themselves consider the German national traits to be "idyllic and easygoing", apparently they found it amusing because of the disparity between this and my "hard-headed sound" assessment.

Q162.

In the 13BLADEs. "Frank Questions!" segment, you said that you haven't actually drawn a certain character's Bankai up to its final form yet, was that referring to adult Hitsugaya? If so, from what point in time did you decide you were going to draw the concept of a "slightly aged up" Hitsugaya?

A162.

I was talking about Hitsugaya. It was decided when Hitsugaya was designed therefore it was already decided by the time he debuted.

Q163.

2021.08.02

Kubo-sensei, please tell us the reason why you named your dog "Uni".

A163.

It's an anagram of 'inu'. Just kidding. I named my dog "Uni" because it was expected that her fur would become orange as she grew. It turned out to be a burnt mochi-like color though. ×[3]

Q164.

2021.08.02

Taking into account Isshin and Masaki's origins, it seems to me that Ichigo's grandparents do not exist in the Human World, but is "Grandpa Rin", whose name was mentioned in the Lost Agent arc, an individual who actually exists? Is he a relative of Tsukishima-san?

A164.

Tsukishima Rinshirō. He's Tsukishima's grandfather.

Q165.

2021.08.02

In the past, there was a "Love Bleach" film featured at a BLEACH event, but would you consider launching the actual product for sale in the future?!

A165.

"Love Bleach", wasn't that supposed to be some kind of dating simulation game? I guess, If a game company can make a profit, I don't see why not. ×[4]

Q166.

2021.08.02

I went to the opening day stage greeting for BURN THE WITCH! I saw on social media that sensei also came to see it, but where did you watch it from?

A166.

The seats on the 2nd floor are like cozy sofas. It was awesome.

Q167. *Deleted entry from KlubOutside*

2021.08.09

This is a question regarding the origins of the name "Yhwach". In the original work, it was derived from being called "Yū", "ha", "vē", "ha", but does this have its roots in the monotheistic God of Judaism and Christianity, "YHVH" (Jehovah, Yahweh)?

A167.

Originally the spelling of "Yhwach" itself was like that, but I was asked to change it because it would 100% cause controversy overseas so it's come to be this current spelling.

Q167.

2021.08.09

Has the status of the Shinigami Men's Association improved since Iba-san, its President, became Captain?

Q167.

Isane also became a Captain, so….

Q168.

2021.08.09

In the earliest iterations of BLEACH, the Shinigami wear Western-style outfits and are armed with guns. It seems that in this universe, Rukia was the only one among them to use a scythe, but what was the reason for making Rukia the only one to wield a different weapon?

A168.

The lore was that Rukia was the only one who continued to use an old-fashioned scythe due to a difference in ideology. Also, at the time, the Shinigami characters were all foreigners.

Q169.

2021.08.09

I would like to know the origin of the name "Macy Baljure" (it's my favorite). If possible, please by all means, let us know!

A169.

I don't know the origin, but Macy's name was the one I struggled with the most and I made alterations within the name alone like three times.

Q170.

2021.08.09

Is there any difference between a short release call for a Zanpakutō and a long one like in the case of Kyōraku or Ukitake?

A170.

Basically, the longer ones are often older Zanpakutō.

Q171.

2021.08.09

When drawing manga, do you tend to forget details in the costume blueprints for characters who, for instance, you haven't drawn in a long time?

A171.

I forget things very easily. Even during the series, I forgot the location of Rangiku's mole.

Q172.

2021.08.16

Did you devise the opening and ending of the BLEACH anime together with the anime staff? I was wondering if sensei's ideas were incorporated as well.

A172.

I'm not involved with the OP & EDs. Each one is good in it's own way.

Q173.

2021.08.16

Why did Hisagi fail the entrance exam for the Academy twice?

A173.

Because it's Shūhei.

Q174.

2021.08.16

Regardless of whether they were in a higher or lower position, members of the Visored have been quite casual since their days as Shinigami, using informal language and addressing each other without honorifics. Just because they're all together, I don't think that necessarily means that they were at the Academy at the same time, so what could be the driving force for them to have become this close?

A174.

All of them are diehard individualists, or rather, the type to follow their own rules, so people of that type get along well with each other, and I get the impression that because they're the same type, many people don't care how informal they are with one another. Rather than a 'driving force', it's more like "for some reason, I feel like I talk to this guy a lot."

Q175.

2021.08.16

I love Sado-kun. I would like to know if there is a backstory regarding Sado-kun's tattoo such as when and how he got it inked.

A175.

When his Abuelo died, Sado got it inked in order to keep his spirit strong.

Q176.

2021.08.16

What is sensei's shoe size in cm? Also, if you have any favorite shoes, please let us know!

A176.

My ankles are big, so it's 27 or 27.5. I like shoes but I don't particularly have a favorite brand.

Q177.

2021.08.16

Are you reading what your fans are writing in the comments in the [DESKSIDE] section of your website?

A177.

I'm reading them all.

Q178.

2021.08.23

This isn't really a question, but I hope that the Radio Kon letters segment, which appeared in the early Tankōbon, makes a comeback.

A178.

I didn't want to do that anymore because I had to draw the cutout faces of characters, every volume, just for that segment which was quite exhausting. I planned to do this myself though.

Q179.

2021.08.23

Will sensei's illustrations mainly be done digitally from now on? I'm curious because I love the illustrations that were colored with sensei's Copic markers. Also, which one do you prefer, sensei?

A179.

Right now, I'm having fun with digital. I'm still not very good at using digital, but going forward, I'd like to be able to switch back and forth between both depending on my mood.

Q180.

2021.08.23

I would like to know what your favorite buildings are?

A180.

"The National Congress Palace, Brasília" by Oscar Niemeyer and Louis Kahn's "Salk Institute for Biological Studies". Oscar Niemeyer is the origin of Nimaiya Ōetsu's name.

Q181.

2021.08.23

Why does Tatsuki want to become stronger? Her name seems strong, though there is some backstory which revealed that Tatsuki herself doesn't like it, so I'm just allowing myself to imagine that perhaps her parents work at a dojo or do something related to martial arts. I'm also very interested about Orihime in her middle school days, viewed from Tatsuki's perspective. Ichigo and Orihime's pasts have points of similarity, being bullied because of their hair color and experiencing the death of a family member, so I wonder if Tatsuki noticed that they have these things in common?

A181.

The karate dojo that Ichigo used to attend is attached to Tatsuki's home. Additionally, in a flashback which I had to cut due to page limitations, there was a scene where Tatsuki draws a parallel between Ichigo and Orihime. You're quite the reader, huh?

Q182.

2021.08.23

I want to be able to draw illustrations like Kubo-sensei so I'm practicing, but whether it be male or female characters, please let me know if there are any points you pay particular attention to when drawing people.

A182.

There isn't much difference in how I depict men and women. I get the sense that I draw each character with a feeling that's like "this aspect of this character is good."

Q183.

2021.08.23

I have a question about the feathers around Yumichika's eyes. When he appeared in the story about Ikkaku's past, and also 10 years later, it doesn't appear that he's wearing any accessories, but is that sort of like ‘his thing’ these days?

A183.

All the things Yumichika wears are fashionable items, so it varies depending on the season.

Q184.

2021.08.30

What is your favorite Doraemon movie?

A184.

It's "Little Star Wars." It's because I like the theme song.

Q185.

2021.08.30

I would like to know the details about the relationship between Mask De Masculine and James. Is it correct to infer from Yhwach's line "James, so you have died?" that Masculine is like a false manifestation and James is his true form.

A185.

James is the true form, and Masculine is James's ideal hero.

Q186.

2021.08.30

Regarding the subtitle of BLEACH volume 6 "THE DEATH TRILOGY OVERTURE", if literally translated, it becomes "prologue to the Shinigami trilogy", I think perhaps this means the prologue of the series is about facing the Shinigami, the second chapter is about facing the Arrancar and the final chapter is about facing the Quincy. Is it that you decided on the overall structure of the story from the early stages, resulting in a title like this?

A186.

That is so. Since the Lost Agent arc initially wasn't about Shinigami, it was my plan to mix elements of both preceding and upcoming chapters for a smoother transition.

Q187.

2021.08.30

I know this is a terrible question, but I would like to know Kuchiki Rukia's bust, waist and hip measurements….

A187.

It's a secret. All the people asking about BWH measurements and other boob related questions are women…. Well, it's fine then I guess.

Q188.

2021.08.30

Some time ago, I watched you begin to draw an illustration on a Shikishi board by hand and without a rough sketch too for Jigoku no Misawa-sensei, I was in shock thinking "you must be kidding…." When you draw a picture, are you drawing with a clear image of the whole composition already in a completed state in your head? Also, where do you usually start from when drawing a character? I was all the more astonished because I saw Kubo-sensei's craft in a character that was not sensei's own. ×[5]

A188.

From the time I was an elementary school student, I have been drawing Kitarō starting from his toes, so ever since then, the order in which I draw things has always been chaotic.

Q189.

2021.09.06

Ichigo's attendance score is 13 overall and 6 for male student attendance score, these are also the respective numbers of the squads to which Rukia and Renji belong, that is, two Shinigami with whom he shares a particularly close bond. Was this something you set up intentionally?

A189.

It's just a coincidence. 6 is my lucky number so it makes a frequent appearance within the story.

Q190.

2021.09.06

When I look at illustrations, I often look at the fashion designs of the characters, but I am always impressed by how meticulously Kubo-sensei's illustrations depict the structural lines and details of the clothing. I would like to know if there are any fashion brands and the like which you associate with a certain character's image?

A190.

I was about to say that for every character I've never thought "this character would probably wear this brand", but there was actually one individual alone. Äs Nödt would wear Rick Owens.

Q191.

2021.09.06

Your pen-name in the past was Kubo Noriaki, but why was your name changed to Tite?

A191.

That's because that 'pen-name' is actually my real name and on top of that, it was a misprint.

Q192.

2021.09.06

How old is Ikumi-san from Unagiya Shop?

A193.

She's 33.

Q193.

2021.09.06

In the original story and the novels, it is mentioned that Soul Society has a one million year history, but of the Four Great Noble Houses, if Byakuya is the 28th generation and Yoruichi is 22nd generation, it seems this falls short of one million years, what do you think?

A193.

The history of the Nobles is the history of the Seireitei, not Soul Society.

Q194.

2021.09.06

I remember that Kubo-sensei frequently used an au talby A5508SA cell phone for many years. Is that the same cell phone model that is hanging from Ichigo's waist on the cover of WJ issue 23, 2005, and the same one that Rukia is clutching in her hand on the cover of chapter 298

A194.

That's right. I still have it at home. I love Marc Newson.

Q195.

2021.09.13

Kubo-sensei, do you prefer raw eggs, boiled eggs, or hot spring eggs?

A195.

I like raw eggs. Isn't this dependent on one's eating habits?

Q196.

2021.09.13

"PIPERS" WOVEN JACQUARD MUFFLER was sold on Whiskrs, but does sensei own serial number 1? (*These were sold in a limited number of 99)

A196.

I have it. Personally, I thought it would have been easier to use if it was a little longer.

Q197.

2021.09.13

Ganju who reappeared in the Thousand-Year Blood War arc has, from where I'm standing, gained a butt-chin, but did that just happen over the course of his growth? Or was it the discipline he received from Kūkaku, or perhaps he was influenced by Shiroganehiko who similarly has a butt-chin? I would be grateful if you could tell us.

A197.

Huh? Wait, Ganju wasn't supposed to have a butt-chin!? Well then, let's go with growth!

Q198.

2021.09.13

The name Nīhashi = 15 → 2+1+8+4.

The names Nīha and Ninny = 15 → Nīha: 2+1+8 and Ninny: 2+2.

Is this something you were setting up as a goal? ×[6]

A198.

I happened to see this on Twitter and surprised myself. The person who spotted this is amazing. However, it's just a coincidence.

Q199.

2021.09.13

Hitsugaya always wears something that looks like a brooch, it appears to be a marigold, is this correct?

A199.

You mean the clip on his sash which held his sword in his earlier appearances? That's a sun motif.

Q200.

2021.09.13

I would like to see that school parody with the BLEACH cast (the one that was in JET), will it be released somewhere?!

A200.

I want to see that too, but it would be hard to draw the manga myself, so I'm thinking of sharing character profiles and maybe someone will draw it for me.

Translation Footnotes:

×1. "Rondanini's black dog" is part of an incantation for a Kidō spell. See BLEACH chapter 21.

×2. 帯 = to wear/ to carry/ to bear | 人= people | 帯人 (Tite) = to bear people

×3. The joke is: Inu = dog in Japanese. Uni is sea urchin, in Japan we eat sea urchin as sashimi or sushi and it is orange in color.

×4. Back in 2005, a BLEACH dating simulation game parody video, known as "Love Bleach" was made by staff for a BLEACH event. The gag involved teasing a TBA dating simulator. The video is available on YouTube: https://youtu.be/0cA-jySdzYE?si=-5OX0MQX1bZKsqws

×5. Tite Kubo drawing for Jigoku No Misawa: https://youtu.be/xRAfswhrQC4?si=6rgKaPK94EbzcBY1

×6. Based on Japanese numerals, Ni = 2, i = 1, ha = 8 shi = 4.

#kluboutside #tite kubo #bleach #translation #ichigo kurosaki #orihime inoue #uryuu ishida #chad yasutora #renji abarai #rukia kuchiki #ichihime #renruki #burn the witch #ninny spangcole #noel niihashi #shuhei hisagi #kisuke urahara #ikkaku madarame #Zangetsu

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love-and-deepspace-wiki · 8 months ago

Text

Jeremiah

Age: Unknown

Occupation: (former) Backtrackers member; (current) owner of Philo flower shop

Workplace: Philo flower shop

Residence: Philo flower shop

Note: I'll be covering Jeremiah in two posts. This first one is general information about him. The second will explore a bit of speculation I have concerning his identity. But first, the general info!

Details:

Jeremiah is the owner of Philo, a flower shop in Linkon City. His in-game note gives a good (and insightful) summary, so I'll start by quoting from it: "Aside from selling flowers, he had a lot of 'skills' such as creating new identities and manipulating data so [the protaganist] could enter the N109 Zone. Where did Xavier meet such a friend?"

In Xavier's birthday event story, we finally get to see his full character model!

The Present:

When Xavier takes the protaganist to Philo, she notes that the two interact like old friends and appear to be around the same age. But Xavier jokes that Jeremiah's "not young anymore, so he's a bit slow on the uptake". When Jeremiah first notices the protaganist, he freezes in surprise. But he quickly regains composure and greets her.

"Ah! Long time no... I mean, welcome to Philo. Right, Xavier mentioned you before. You're colleagues, I'm pretty sure. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Jeremiah has a vault of identities, one of which he customizes for the protagonist to aid in her entry into the N109 Zone. He also provides her with a family crest and a box of stuff to make her fake identity more convincing, if need be. When she thanks him, his response hints at familiarity before Xavier cuts him off.

"You don't have to be so formal. I just never thought I'd be able to help you. It's so..."

The Past:

World Underneath - "From the Stars"

In the World Underneath story "From the Stars", we get a glimpse into Jeremiah's past. The specific timeframe of the story is 200 years after his arrival/the crash of Traceback II. In this story, we learn that:

Jeremiah was in love with a girl named Bella (an employee at Sweetie's Cake Shop)

He had rented a house for the sole purpose of inviting Bella to dinner. He also invited Xavier to this dinner to add a "human touch".

Despite 200 years having passed, Jeremiah still can't fully understand the diverse tastes of Earthlings. Xavier frequently references his inability to get used to Earth food. So, he often relies on Xavier's insight into culinary pursuits.

After obtaining the identity of a "normal person", Jeremiah lost contact with Xavier

He had planned to propose to Bella, but she was among the casualties of the Chronorift Catastrophe. The cake shop was also destroyed in this event.

Jeremiah opened Philo flower shop where Sweetie's Cake Shop once stood and, on a necklace, he wears the ring he would've given Bella.

Backtrackers & Traceback II

The Backtrackers arrived on earth with Xavier as their leader/captain and Jeremiah as a member. Hundreds of years ago, Traceback II (their spaceship) crash landed on earth and consequently left them stranded here. After this event, the members of their group adhered to various rules, some of which are detailed below:

Nonintervention Principle:

After helping the protaganist gain entry to the N109 Zone, Jeremiah asks Xavier is he really doesn't care about their Nonintervention Principle anymore, to which Xavier replies that "some already stopped caring about it".

Later in the story, Jeremiah says the following:

"Do you know how long we've been here? All those faces in the Backtrackers- I can't remember them. Don't you have the feeling that people's memories of us are also becoming fuzzier? Especially in recent years? I agree that sticking to the Nonintervention Principle is pointless, especially for us whose presence here was a mistake. And mistakes are bound to be corrected sooner or later. Maybe we're slowly being erased as we speak."

Unwritten Rules:

In this story, the two unwritten rules mentioned are (1) changing locations regularly and (2) avoiding unnecessary contact.

Jeremiah mentions it is his responsibility to repair Traceback II's launcher, but he's yet to achieve this goal over the past 200 years. He says the ship can send out simple signals, but "the positioning system still needs some work". When he asks Xavier if there's really someone on the other side of the Deepspace Tunnel who can respond to them, Xavier says "...You will return in one piece. I'll make sure of it."

Though it had once seemed that nothing could ever tear their team apart, they all "dissolved into the mundane times of this era". But while many of their members either gave up or "left halfway", Jeremiah ultimately chose to stay onboard because he knew he couldn't be replaced. Xavier credits the other Backtracker's abilities to live peaceful lives to the fact that Jeremiah "is still holding on". But he also tells him he can always choose what life he wants to lead.

At the conclusion of one of their conversations, Jeremiah asks Xavier "Captain. Can I come back?". But Xavier just tells him to "do what you think is right".

Philos:

In various conversations with Xavier, Jeremiah hints at a connection with the planet Philos.

"Having Evol doesn't make you invincible... And you're... This isn't Philos. And we, you know, aren't truly immortal. Our kind, I mean."

He mentions that the level of technology on Earth was far behind what they had on Philos.

He says he has little hope anything will happen between him and Bella because "we don't age the way people do here. It wouldn't be fair".

#love and deepspace #lads #lads characters #love and deepspace characters #lads jeremiah #love and deepspace jeremiah #lads philo #love and deepspace philo #lads backtrackers #love and deepspace backtrackers #lads traceback ii #love and deepspace traceback ii

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thefrogman · 1 year ago

Note

Recently I took a panorama of the Pittsburgh skyline at night that got a positive response. That was done on the spur of the moment with an iPhone. I want to do that again and more, but this time with a dedicated camera setup. It's been years since I've had one, so I'm basically starting over again. I'm mostly interested in getting day and night cityscapes, and maybe the carryings-on at this year's Anthrocon. Would you have any particular knowledge to pass on as I set off on this journey?

Since you didn't specify a budget I'm going to assume it is in the $10K range.

And you're probably thinking I'm going to suggest a Leica. Every dentist and his brother (who is also a dentist) gets a Leica. But I just can't take a camera brand seriously when they charge you an extra $2200 for the privilege of not being able to shoot in color.

Sure, you can hit a single button in Lightroom to get B&W and save some money, but then you won't be able to brag about how limiting yourself to only shades of gray has opened up new artistic pathways in your brain while a clueless person responds in mumbles during their root canal.

What you really want for your landscapes is a Hassie.

They were the first camera on the moon! How could you *not* want a Hasselblad? That is some camera gorgeousness right there. And it's so reasonably priced*!

*compared to their previous $40,000 camera systems.

And if you are doing landscapes with the Hassie you'll need a nice wide angle lens to go with it. This one is actually quite affordable*!

*compared to their previous $8000 lenses.

Can we all agree that is a work of art? They even use their H logo as the knurling.

That is just so... extra. And I love it.

Out of the entire alphabet I've heard Hs give you the best grip.

Man, I almost wish I was a dentist just so I could buy a fancy camera.

Sorry... I was just having a little fun.

I never get to recommend the super cool expensive cameras. Because, ya know, the economy and the fact that only dentists have Hasselblad money.

You probably think I'm being silly but there actually is an entire community of dentist photographers keeping the high end camera market alive.

Okay, let's get started...

Landscape Buying Guide

Opening Thoughts

For landscapes I would highly suggest a full frame camera and a high quality wide angle lens.

Full frame has several advantages but it is not necessary. You can go with a smaller sensor like APS-C and get great images. Personally I would not go any smaller, but there have been some great landscapes taken on micro 4/3 and even smartphones. Technique, knowledge, experience, and composition will usually win the day over a camera, but having a nice camera makes things a lot easier.

At this point, with full frame options being very affordable now, the main reason to get a smaller sensor is if you want a smaller system that is easier to carry for extended periods and easier to pack when traveling. Or if you aren't sure you want to take on photography as a hobby, you can get an old APS-C DSLR for under $200 to learn with and test out.

So if you need a very cheap OR very compact system, APS-C and Micro 4/3 might be worth considering, but a bigger sensor will cause less frustration most of the time.

Froggie Note: The expensive Micro 4/3 and APS-C systems are the compact ones. The cheap systems are about as bulky as full frame.

The biggest advantages to full frame are low light shooting, lens selection, and field of view. Full frame cameras have many, many more lenses to choose from. And since the sensor is bigger, it is much easier to get a wider field of view that is often needed for landscapes. And the high ISO noise performance tends to be better on full frame.

However, you can use full frame lenses on APS-C camera bodies within the same ecosystem. They just get a little... zoomier. Roughly 1.5x zoomier. A 35mm acts like a 50mm, for example. So if you want to spend a little less now you can get an APS-C camera with a full frame lens and then upgrade to full frame later on without having to buy a new lens. Full frame lenses work on APS-C bodies but not the other way around.

Most landscapists have a really solid 16-35mm lens and that covers almost all of their needs. So I would suggest something comparable. Please don't get suckered into some crazy 18-300mm superzoom. Just get the focal range you need for the photos you want to achieve.

A purpose-built lens always outperforms one that was made to do everything.

As far as where to get used gear, I highly recommend using KEH or MPB when buying used camera bodies. They check every device and offer between 3 and 6 months warranty to make sure the device won't crap out on you. Lenses are typically a lot more robust and a safer thing to buy on eBay or Facebook Marketplace if you can find a better deal. But the security of having a warranty and a return apparatus if something goes wrong might be worth the extra price when using these two sites.

I am going to recommend Canon, Nikon, and Sony systems. I feel they have the most complete ecosystems with gear that spans all budget ranges. I'm not saying there aren't good cameras from other brands, but you have to remember every camera has an ecosystem surrounding it. There are accessories and upgrade paths and niche lenses that may not be available with other brands. I think Fuji has some tempting options and if you like the look of vintage film photography, their emulation options are quite stunning. Their cameras are also quite attractive and have very satisfying knobs. But I still can't recommend them unless you have a specific reason for wanting their gear.

Just remember that for every Canon DSLR I recommend there is a comparable Nikon option available as well. There are more lenses for a Canon full frame DSLR body than any other brand with Nikon coming in a close second.

So if you choose not to go mirrorless yet, the Canon and Nikon DSLR camera ecosystems are immense and have tons of gear and accessories available to go with them. And since used gear holds up really well, those ecosystems will survive for decades.

Should you buy a mirrorless camera or a DSLR?

Mirrorless cameras are the latest camera technology for interchangeable lens camera systems. At this point they are superior in every aspect and they continue to improve year by year. Because of that, used DSLRs have plummeted in price. This allows people greater access to a starter ILC (interchangeable lens camera) without a significant investment. You can get professional quality images on either format, but mirrorless has a shallower learning curve and much better automatic modes.

The in-body image stabilization (IBIS) stabilizes *every* lens and the eye tracking autofocus make "focus and re-compose" extinct. These are huge selling points for a lot of people. With IBIS you can take photos with up to 2-4 second shutter speeds without a tripod. And never missing focus on a human or animal or bird is pretty cool too.

DSLR camera bodies are no longer being designed by most of the major manufacturers. Thankfully Canon and Nikon developed plenty of bodies and lenses, so you will always have options and upgrade paths. But you will not be able to upgrade to systems with the latest advanced features.

The best DSLRs available are probably the Nikon D850 and the Canon 5D Mark IV. That is as good as it will ever get. The technology ends there. So if you want to enter an active camera ecosystem then you will have to get a mirrorless camera.

DSLR Camera Systems

Full Frame DSLR Camera Bodies

Canon

If you buy a used DSLR, there are some very affordable full frame options. In fact, the classic much-praised budget full frame Canon 6D can be had for under $300 right now.

This is an old camera. It has no fancy features. It only has 20 megapixels. It just does what it says on the tin. But it has a big sensor and a *ton* of really cool lenses available for it.

If you are specifically looking to create really high resolution panos, you could also look at the 50 megapixel 5DS R for around $1000.

There is a community of landscape pano-maniacs that love to create "gigapans" that have endless amounts of detail where you can zoom in and find new details in every photo. I was only able to create a 120 megapixel photo, but you can still find things like people starting a campfire and a dude fishing and a truck on a far off bridge. So even though this seems expensive for a DSLR, you are looking at another thousand bucks to find anything with more megapixels than this bad boy, so it is quite a good deal relatively speaking.

Nikon

Probably the best DSLRs ever made were the Nikon D800 series and you can get the Nikon D800 for $464.

This is a newer camera than the 6D with more megapixels (36) and a better sensor. It also has a more modern autofocus system and about 3 more stops of dynamic range which can come in handy for landscapes. This is an incredible camera for this price.

APS-C DSLR Camera Bodies

If you aren't sure you want to commit to this hobby, you can look into a Canon APS-C sensor body like the Canon Rebels and Canon 60D through 90D models and get good results.

And there are many Nikon DX APS-C bodies that would be great starter cameras as well. If you get a Nikon, you'd have an upgrade path to the D800 if you get hooked by the photography bug. I would miss a few very special Canon lenses like the 100mm f/2.8L macro and the 400mm f/5.6 telephoto but I'm sure I could figure out some reasonable Nikon alternatives that would do roughly the same thing.

Canon APS-C

There is a Canon 60D for $139 right now that would be perfectly adequate for landscape work on a tripod.

That was my first camera and I took some very nice photos with it. Only 18 megapixels but it has a very convenient flippy screen which was really helpful for a disabled photographer trying to get low angles.

This was in 2014 and I didn't know what I was doing but that is a pretty stellar-looking sunset for a (now) $140 camera.

Nikon APS-C

And the Nikon D3400 would be a great option as well at around $184.

You get some extra megapixels (24) and it is a bit newer than the Canon. I get the sense that used Nikon DSLRs give you more value for your money right now but I don't have a large enough sample size to confirm that.

Full Frame DSLR Lenses

Froggie Note: I am recommending full frame lenses even if you choose an APS-C DSLR body so you have an upgrade path. But also very few purpose-built APS-C lenses had superior glass. Just remember, crop sensor APS-C cameras add ~1.5x to your focal length. So a 16-35mm will have the equivalent field of view of a 24-50mm lens. Still quite acceptable for landscapes, but you may benefit from doing panoramas more often. And if you upgrade to full frame down the road, you'll already have the ideal lens.

Canon DSLR Lenses

If you get the 6D or another Canon you could pair it with the beloved-by-landscapists Canon 16-35mm f/4L.

Honestly, it is blowing my mind you can get that combo for under $600. Me from 12 years ago is super jealous right now.

If you are worried you might need something to work in lower light and still want a zoom, the f/2.8L starts at around $434.

This might be the most famous landscape lens of all time. Kinda boggles the mind how many gorgeous vistas this thing has captured the light of.

If you can live without the zoom, you could get a much sharper prime lens that can also be used in even lower light. A used Sigma 24mm f/1.4 Art lens is $439 would be a fantastic option.

24mm is still a very good focal length for landscapes and the sharpness of this lens lends well to panoramic stitches. Seriously, these art lens are so freaking sharp. Although 35mm is typically preferred for most street photography, I think this would do great for that purpose as well. It couldn't do close up portraits, but 3/4 and full body portraits would look great. I also love this focal length for doggos. It enlarges their heads a bit which enhances adorable-ness.

Though I probably wouldn't recommend the 24mm on APS-C for landscapes as it would put you near a 40mm full frame equivalent field of view.

Nikon DSLR Lenses

And on the Nikon side of things you could get the Nikkor 16-35mm f/4 for $399.

This is a great lens too. Very comparable to the Canon L glass. And paired with that D800 you would have a better shooting experience than with the 6D if it fits within your budget.

It's a little harder to find, but you can also get that same Sigma 24mm f/1.4 Art lens for Nikon at around $528 used on Amazon and in the $400 range on KEH and MPB when it is available.

The older and softer Nikkor 28mm f/1.8 is a little more affordable and easier to find.

What if you are not a dentist but are willing to save up for something a little nicer?

Enter the world of...

Mirrorless Camera Systems

Sony currently has my favorite ecosystem of mirrorless cameras and lenses and they are consistently ahead of the other brands as far as technology and features. In fact, many other manufacturers use Sony sensors. They literally supply their competition with their own tech. They are also pretty good about updating firmware—even with older models. So I feel like Sony has a lot of future-proofing advantages over other brands. Sony has a great selection of 3rd party lenses like Sigma, Tamron, Viltrox, Laowa, Samyang, etc. These lenses often have nearly the same optical quality as Sony's G Master lenses at a fraction of the price.

Full Frame Mirrorless

Currently, I think the best value full frame mirrorless camera for landscapes would be the Sony a7R III.

This is very nearly a top-of-the-line landscape camera for a little over $1200.

That might sound like a lot, but I want to be clear...

This isn't just decent. This isn't "good enough." This is a spectacular professional grade full frame camera.

10 years ago you could spend $6500 for a *worse* camera. 5 years ago you could spend $3000 for a *worse* camera.

It can do every genre of photography except for maybe fast paced sports/action. It has an amazing 42 megapixels—which are not necessary but they do make editing and printing a lot less of a headache. The file sizes can get a little big, but storage is a lot cheaper than it used to be.

Oh, and it can be used for professional quality 4K video work too.

The a7R III comes with all of the modern bells and whistles including in-body stabilization (IBIS) so you can handhold at very slow shutter speeds. It has one of the best autofocus systems—complete with eye tracking. But not just human eyes! Dog eyes. Cat eyes. Bird eyes. If it has an eye, the Sony can probably lock focus on it. And it has an admirable 10 fps burst shooting mode.

APS-C Mirrorless

If you want to enter the Sony ecosystem but can't afford full frame quite yet, you could do the a6400 for about $600.

You still get the eye-tracking and the in-body stabilization, but you will lose some image quality at higher ISOs due to the smaller sensor size. However, you can get the same full frame E-mount lenses for it and upgrade to a bigger sensor later on and not have to buy new lenses.

Mirrorless Landscape Lenses

I think a good value landscape lens would be the very impressive Tamron 20-40mm f/2.8.

This is a newer lens so there aren't many deals on used options yet. But this is still a great price for the quality and versatility you get. You will never regret spending a little more on glass.

The 20mm range can fit an entire cityscape in the frame without needing to do a panorama. But if you zoom to 40mm and mount the camera vertically, you could stitch together several photos to get well over the 100 megapixel range.

Also, the 40mm focal range is long enough to do street photography and even head & shoulder portraits. The wide f/2.8 aperture combined with the high-ISO friendly full frame sensor and in-body stabilization means you can shoot in very low light without a tripod. You can also get some great pictures of stars if you travel to someplace with minimal light pollution.

The cheapest landscape zoom lens I could find was the Sony 16-35mm f/4 at $384.

It's one of Sony's older lenses and may not take advantage of all of the a7R III's pixels, but it would be a good option to get you started in this system and upgrade the lens later on.

Mirrorless Prime Lenses

Zoom lenses are great but you have to spend more to get tolerable quality. Kit zooms can be softer than even the tiny plastic lenses on your phone. So a great way to stretch your budget is to get multiple fixed focal length "prime" lenses. Primes can be built inexpensively while still having good low light performance and decent sharpness.

For instance, you could start with something like the Tamron 20mm f/2.8 for $175. And if you want to do more than landscapes you could add the Sony 50mm f/1.8 for $170 later on. Cheap primes will outperform any of those mediocre kit zoom lenses in that same price range. You lose some versatility and have to deal with the pain of changing lenses or zooming with your feet, but sometimes a tight budget demands a little pain.

There is also a higher quality 3rd party wide angle prime lens that is very popular right now. The Viltrox 16mm f/1.8 is only $549 and the reviews say it has similar quality to lenses 3 times its price.

If you have to choose between a better camera body or a better lens, a good lens will help your photos more than a fancy camera body.

Froggie Note: These are examples. You should always do your own research before making a major technological purchase. This post could be a year old by the time you see it and there could be new stuff that is better. But all of the principles I tried to convey should hopefully guide you to a good decision. Also, feel free to message me if you want to ask about specific gear you are considering purchasing.

More Resources

This is my Encyclopedia of Lens Terms which is a helpful primer in understanding all of the wonderful and different lens options available on ILCs.

This is my buying guide for low budget used DSLRs. Similar to this post but less geared toward landscapes.

And this guide for getting decent landscape photos with any camera.

This is a free tutorial that teaches you everything you need to get started with an ILC system.

youtube

And this free tutorial by Karl Taylor is quite good as well.

#photography #long post

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atopvisenyashill · 4 months ago

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How have the Boltons not been offed by their peasants or even other nobles

Like they have such a bad reputation, and Roose raped that woman and had Ramsay. How have they survived to the present day?

Well several reasons, sorry for the length of this one lol.

First it's like - well how did Queen Mary get away with all the religious burnings (how does any monarch who was particularly burn happy get away with it)? How did Ferdinand VII manage to keep his head? Why did King Leopold II's reputation remain in good standing despite him ultimately being forced out of the Congo Free State because of how god awful he was even by colonial standards?

Roose has wealth. He has power. He has the backing of his liege lord so long as Ned (or Robb or Rickard) don't find out the worst of his behavior (and none of those three are looking closely so he has a lot of wiggle room!). Notable that Ramsay's mom is some random peasant and not, say, a Ryswell or Manderly, or even a Fenn or Cassell. Yes, rape is illegal but it's not like rapists get their comeuppance in the modern day much less when the word "rape" was even more limited in its meaning. The reason even the smallfolk were helping oust Aerys is because Aerys really and truly sucked as a monarch. Upholding that social contract is important and Aerys was openly murdering not just lower lords and peasants but lords paramount and their heirs. So one gets ousted, and the other gets swept under the rug.

Now one thing I DO think is really lacking from the series is popular revolts but I think there's a chance we get a bunch in the next two books - technically speaking, we do have two kinda cooking already in the Brotherhood and the Faith Militant. As you say - Roose really goddamn sucks and Ramsay is a lot worse. And historically, there was a period in the middle ages where popular revolts happened a lot more often than in earlier or later periods - starting around the 1300s and moving into the late 1500s (aka right around when this whole series is based on - the war of the roses happens in the 1400s), there were probably hundreds of riots that lead into greater revolts led by the peasantry. There's several reasons these started happening. Religious conflict, constant warfare, the black death, famines, and most pressing of all, the rise of a noble class. Many nobles, like Roose, would pass the higher cost of sustaining their lifestyle onto the peasant class. for example, by raising taxes or imposing random taxes. This led to a poorer peasantry, and social stratification became more extreme. Again, not a medieval expert even a little bit (wouldn't even call myself an amateur historian) but I believe this is also when the switch up from nobility being on the more paternalistic side to actively resenting and hating the peasant class for like, existing and being poor. That combined with a plague they couldn't shake off, and a series of wars and famines, made for a very angry peasantry that was a lot more willing to come together and start chopping bitches' heads off.

And what do we have in ASOIAF? Because note - sure not every king in the 200s was a good king but the Blackfyre wars are just waay less violent than the wars before, and with significantly less petty wars, on the whole, I think the peasantry is dying significantly less. Yes, there are still occasional mass starvation and plague incidents - specifically during Aegon III and Daeron II's reigns - but I think when you look at the broader picture, Westeros is like. Fine. It could be worse - or that's what I imagine a lot of peasants are feeling. But recent history....

The War of 5 Kings, which can honestly trace its roots directly back to Robert's Rebellion, has not only dragged on for a while, it's had several bloody, god awful, horrific incidents, and come the end of feastdance, it is not on track to end any time soon.

Everyone is poor right now, even the rich - the books really drive that home with all the iron bank stuff, and how much the crown owes, and all the worries over winter. That's only going to get worse.

I believe it's a show only line but I also believe he says something similar in the books - "We have enough grain to feed the peasants for three years. If winter lasts longer than that, we'll have fewer peasants." The point here is - they don't care how many peasants die. That's a far cry from the whole "When there was a stark in winterfell a maid could walk naked as her nameday unaccosted." There's a shift here and the smallfolk are taking note of it!

We have not one but TWO flashpoints for potential greyscale outbreaks in Shireen and JonCon (and who knows if the pale mare will spread out of the Ghiscari Bay, but a plague on that level is going to impact the rest of the world regardless of if it spreads).

All that to say....bad people get to continue on being bad due to (a lot of reasons really) the apathy and laziness of others. But Westeros is primed for a series of really extreme peasant revolts and between the coming winter and the north getting Fed Up, I don't think House Bolton is long for this world.

#what's that phrase.#someone lives with their back bent over their whole life. sooner or later they either break. or they straighten their back.#i don't think ramsay realizes a whole lot of people are about to stand the fuck up.#asks #panickingstudent2 #house bolton

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cartoonistcoop · 8 months ago

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ShortBox Comics Member Interview: Seosamh Dáire

Throughout the month of October, the Cartoonist Cooperative will be sharing interviews with members of the Co-op who have a new comic available at the ShortBox Comics Fair 2024!

NOTE: The Cartoonist Cooperative is not affiliated, associated, authorized, endorsed by, or in any way formally connected with ShortBox.

Today’s spotlight is Seosamh Dáire ( @saint_vagrant ) and their new comic for ShortBox, THE SOLAR SYSTEM.

We’d love it if you could introduce yourself and tell us about your background in comics.

Seosamh Dáire: Hey thanks for having me! I’m Seosamh Dáire, aka Joe (him/sé.) i have a BFA in Illustration, but more importantly I made a 200-page comic when I was 13 about fantasy angels, and after all that work, dropped it unceremoniously when I realised it wasn’t gay enough. So i’ve been filling the void ever since. Ironically, part of filling the void necessitates making comics about holes, like mine and my partner Anka’s ongoing sci-fi story SUPERPOSE. Recently I was part of the Ignatz-nominated HOME anthology, a collection of autobiographical comics about being of or in Ireland. My work is largely targeted toward mature readers, and last year I made the short 18+ comics TERESIAN for the Noah’s Ark anthology and OSHA VIOLATION (just for fun) and contributed illustrations to the BOOK OF SHADOWS anthologies.

I’ve been making little comics for most of my life, but now i make bigger comics. SUPERPOSE launched in 2016 so even if the clock started at that moment, I’ve been at it for a minute.

Tell us more about your new comic?

SD: Told in a little over 100 black and white pages, THE SOLAR SYSTEM is a trans/anti-military/sci-fi comic set in four timelines. There is Jack, equal parts soldier and experiment, and his mother and father, at odds with what they have made. He meets Nour, a displaced prodigy sniper, an intended footnote in the list of consequences of his parents’ work. With Jack as a vassal and Nour a resistance soldier, they find each other on opposite sides every time in a fight over the control of a superweapon, whose detonation puts the timelines into motion.

Tell us about your creative process; how did you develop this comic and what are the steps you took to bring it to the final stage?

SD: As with most of my work, I got smacked over the head with the frying pan of an idea and immediately went for it. There were some loose concepts floating around prior, but my acceptance to the fair gave me an excuse to solidify it. I wrote (plotted out, scripted) three different versions—I like each one tremendously. THE SOLAR SYSTEM is the third pass, and actually incorporates aspects of that process in the story itself by way of distinct but interconnected parts. the format also took a lot of concentration, as it’s all interwoven, and while not linear, i wanted each next thing to unfold naturally from the last.

The development of the story held all my focus, whereas art was less of a concern since I didn’t expect to draw in a different style, but rather make myself comfortable with a different level of finish, and confined myself to only a couple select tools to accomplish this. It’s the first comic I’ve made using Clip Studio, drawn straight into it without using anything other than a few modified brushes. Then I finished (text/dialogue, any extra painting or effects) in Photoshop.

I value the time I spend fleshing out each character regardless of how much they feature—how they move and how talk, their idiosyncrasies, are all so vivid to me and finding a way to make that as real to a reader as it is to me is part of the fun. I love challenging myself with “what if?” or “if x then y” and making connections that way, heightening the significance between elements, editing and cutting them together to build to each “aha, there it is” moment; I know it when I see it! Ultimately, even if the themes and ideas of the work aren’t identifiable at first, I care most about conveying emotion and that telling a story. Seeing a stranger cry and not knowing why can still stir you all the same. I do think the comic reveals more upon each return, though…

My comic did require a fair amount of research, which is something for which I enjoy any excuse to do. Starting off broadly helps me narrow with more intentionality, although it can get a bit overwhelming—there really is always more to know, and it takes me some time to find a solid place to settle. For reading, I revisited old and new writing/listening from Irish socialists as well as that in the Caucasus, and destabilisation by American interests, also referred to some surreal papers on combat tactics by American colonels which is unsettling stuff, but endlessly interesting.

I owe much inspiration to the IRA, PFLP, YPG/PKK, and Soviet partisans, among many others.

Do you have any creative rituals or routines to prepare yourself to make comics?

SD: As much as I seek out new resources, I return to the things I’ve always loved. It reminds me what drives me—I’m very emotionally, creatively satisfied even just by select moments within a larger work, such that I get something new out of the experience every time even if it doesn’t directly apply to the project. I rewatched Into The West, The Manchurian Candidate (2004 version), the Escaflowne film, Spriggan, Solaris, I watched Heat… and then rewatched the ending of Heat. Obsession is my ritual, really.

Read the rest of the interview HERE! And dont forget to check out the Shortbox Comics Fair to support these lovely creators!!

#cartoonist cooperative #comic art #comics #comic #comic recommendations #shortbox comics fair #comics fair #shortbox #sbcf2024

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catboybiologist · 2 years ago

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Slightly late monthly journal!

First off, the spreadsheet has been updated:

Nothing too drastic here, especially compared to my initial growth spurt. But still… there’s so much, yet so little to talk about.

I’ve been on spiro for a longer time now, and recently increased my estradiol dose. Note that my levels check was before the increased dose- the dates aren’t completely coordinated (they are on my private spreadsheet for my own personal tracking, don’t worry). It’s looking pretty good. Testosterone is well within target levels. E is about the same, which is much lower than I would like it. My endo says that 100-200 is “minimally acceptable”, and wants to shoot even higher than that. That’s comforting, in a way- I’m the slightest bit frustrated that some changes aren’t happening too quickly, but that gives a very distinct avenue for improvement. Ultimately, I’m gonna switch to injection monotherapy, probably around the same time I start prog. So the big change is decreased T. What has that done to me?

First off, the hard measurements. There’s really no surprises here. I’m losing weight, which tracks with my general diet and an increase in exercise levels. It seems to be happening faster than normal, though. Which, is pretty easily explainable by a new variable in the equation: adderall. I started adderall in the middle of the month. I’ve used it sparingly, but everyone I know that takes it told me that weight loss is pretty much unavoidable. I’m certainly still above any point where my weight would be worrying, but I’m gonna have to keep an eye on it. Especially if I want fat tits. As for how the weight loss is happening, I’m very happy with what’s going on. My bust and hip measurements are holding steady, while my waist and underbust are still slightly going down.

I do know that there’s another source of weight loss, however: muscle mass. With the increase in exercise level has come an increase in exertion for the same results, which has made me slightly dismayed. This is the main HRT effect that I was a little scared of. But honestly, I really only care about the muscle that helps me hike and swim- and if I maintain that better, I think it won’t be too much of an issue. I was never some pariah of physical condition, so I think with training I can even improve my hiking stamina. That’ll be very necessary with my future backpacking plans.

The main thing that I’m REALLY happy about is that, if I squint, I think I can slowly start to see the first hints of facial changes start to come in. They’re subtle, of course. A weird one is that my nose is literally straighter. Y’all don’t see it, but the reason I still shield my face (despite being easily identifiable at this point if you saw me irl and knew this account) is mostly insecurity about my nose and chin. My nose actually physically curves to my right when viewed from the front, and in general, is a huge, classic Roman nose. Looking at head on progress pictures, its actually starting to straighten out. I thought I was imagining things, but I checked in with a couple friends before and after pictures of several years on HRT, and yeah- their noses are different, usually smaller and more symmetrical. Saying that this is a huge relief to me would be an understatement. Additionally, I was insecure about my boxy jawline, but for some reason, it seems to work as a femme feature of my face now- I think slight cheek restructuring helps frame it better. Still not so sure how the chin is gonna turn out. But hey- I started HRT thinking that I would for sure need FFS to pass, but now, I'm far less concerned. I'll at least give it two years.

I’ve also gotten a lot of interesting comments. Several labmates and family members that don’t know I’m transitioning have remarked that my skin looks healthier, and I look younger. I’ve also had noticeable mental health improvement, so I think most people think I’m on some kind of self improvement kick. I mentioned skin care as part of that. We’ll see how long the excuse holds- probably a while, as the changes are so, so subtle at the moment. But shit, I’m only three months in. I’m thrilled.

There’s still no getting rid of my beard shadow. Even though the growth rate of my facial hair has noticeably decreased, the thickness of the basal hairs will always add shading to my face. When I started HRT, I thought it wouldn’t bother me that much until I was ready to socially transition- but tbh, it’s starting to look glaring to me. I’m looking into starting laser sometime in January, and hopefully that’ll help.

Which brings me to the emotional changes. Holy FUCK what a month its been. I’m not gonna expose all of my dirty laundry. But, a mixture of some long term anxieties and a few particular events led to a classic mid-20s “what the fuck am I doing with my life” crisis. One of those long term anxieties was a thought I’m sure many of y’all are familiar with: “I started HRT. Now what? How the fuck am I going to socially transition?”

For a couple days, I was very seriously considering quitting grad school and academia. I’m past that. Tragically, I love science a little too much. I do, however, need a break. I talked to my advisor about taking a hiatus, and he’s fully supportive of the idea. And conveniently, that also provides me with a clean way to simply disappear, and come back as a woman. A nice little break to allow me to socially transition.

But anyways. Here’s my big point here: if I went through something similar pre-HRT, I would’ve reacted completely differently. I would’ve shoved those thoughts deep and let them simmer as a general, background malaise that I would just stew in and suffer. Now? I cried. A lot. Actual fucking tears. I went through a few days of sharp sadness, and then actually fucking processed those emotions. What the fuck? That’s new. It’s insane. I wouldn’t have had the emotional capacity to that before.

I’m elated. It’s wonderful. It’s a more than welcome change.

But yeah. Steady as she goes. Progress is a little stalled, but both me and my provider are adamant about getting that E up. And I’m still making slow progress as it is.

Very quick NSFW notes after this button.

The final note: sexual function. With the low T… yup, my downstairs functionality has decreased. My ejaculate is clear, and often happens without being fully erect. That said… there’s no way in hell that I would ever trade getting that back for what I have now. My libido is still comes in waves, and is crazy when it comes. The feelings I get from intimate situations now are incredible beyond belief.

#trans #trans journal #transgender #transfem #trans hrt #hrt #transfemme hrt #transitioning #trans progress

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democracyunderground · 6 months ago

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Senator Bernie Sanders (I-Vermont) has called out Republicans for acquiescing to billionaire Elon Musk’s demands to thwart a bipartisan spending bill that was needed to fend off a government shutdown this weekend.

In his comments, Sanders derided Musk — who is co-leading president-elect Donald Trump’s so-called Department of Government Efficiency — as an authoritarian oligarchic.

The bipartisan spending bill that Speaker of the House Mike Johnson (R-Louisiana) negotiated with Democrats would have funded the government through March. However, after Musk urged GOP lawmakers to oppose the bill, Johnson, sensing he wouldn’t have enough support from his own party, scrapped the legislation, and put up a new spending bill without Democratic Party input. That bill also failed to pass after Democrats in the House voted against it, with dozens of Republicans opposing the bill, albeit for different ideological reasons.

Musk’s influence within the Republican Party is so inviolable that some in the GOP have actually called for him to replace Johnson as Speaker of the House. Musk and Trump have said that Republicans who do not support the spending bills they endorse should be primaried out of their seats in the 2026 midterm elections. Musk has also said that he’s not opposed to shutting down the government until Trump is inaugurated in mid-January.

“Elon Musk, the richest man in the world, is threatening to unseat elected officials if they do not follow his orders to shut down the government during the holidays,” Sanders noted in a recent social media post. “Are we still a democracy or have we already moved to oligarchy and authoritarianism?”

In an earlier post, Sanders derided Musk as being an oligarch who Republicans adhered to.

“The US Congress this week came to an agreement to fund our government. Elon Musk, who became $200 BILLION richer since Trump was elected, objected,” Sanders wrote. “Are Republicans beholden to the American people? Or President Musk? This is oligarchy at work.”

Hours after Sanders’s comments, Musk signaled his support for a neo-fascist political party in Gemarny’s February elections.

In a post on his social media site X, Musk endorsed Alternative for Germany (AfD), a far right, anti-immigrant and antisemitic party that is gaining popularity among conservative Germans.

“Only the AfD can save Germany,” the billionaire wrote.

Musk has previously endorsed other far right figures in Europe, including Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni and United Kingdom Reform party leader Nigel Farage.

Musk has tried to normalize AfD’s views in the past, claiming they “don’t sound extremist” to him and questioning if he was “missing something.”

AfD is vehemently anti-immigration, particularly with regard to Muslims, calling for a “net zero” number of immigrants entering Germany in the coming years. Leaders of the party have repeatedly made racist and antisemitic statements, emphasizing a need to return to a German “identity” and pushing other white nationalist views; AfD leader Alexander Gauland, for example, has described immigration to the country as an “invasion of foreigners” that he and his party intend to fight off.

The party has also called for changes to how Nazi Germany is depicted in historical settings, such as monuments, schools and museums, with Gauland once minimizing the country’s Nazi history as being no more than “just a speck of bird’s muck.” Other AfD members have denied Nazi wrongdoing, including by describing the Holocaust as a “myth.”

Musk’s public support for AfD is just the latest example of the billionaire sharing reactionary viewpoints on X. Musk has, for example, called for the deportation of protesters utilizing the First Amendment to express views he disagrees with. He has also promoted antisemitic, anti-Muslim, transphobic and other bigoted content on his profile, and has shared content denying the Holocaust.

Novelist and political commentator Patrick S. Tomlinson has said that Musk’s support for AfD is illuminating.

“The AfD is Germany’s neo-Nazi party,” Tomlinson wrote on Bluesky. “They are anti-immigration, anti-EU, and unapologetically pro-Putin. The German courts have labeled the entire party extremist. Elon Musk has gone fully mask off.”

Commentator Paul Krugman also weighed in on Musk’s latest endorsement, noting that the billionaire’s statement was “obviously where he was going.”

When it comes to fascist sentiments, Musk “isn’t hiding it at all,” Krugman added.

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coneygoil · 5 months ago

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Last night, we watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Things I noted in it, since I’ve started to heavily compare older movies with more recent ones: there was no cursing! I inwardly cheered at the scene when Indy’s dad tells him to not use Christ’s name disrespectfully. Another is, the practical and special effects. You can tell like during the ship fight scene that it’s a soundstage, but you know what? It looks real! Not in like a realistic like they’re actually on a ship in a storm, but you can see that everything in that scene is real. From the set piece to the water to whatever else was going on, it all happened. AND…the credits of the cast and crew were so slim. There wasn’t a gazillion names rolling passed during the credits. The movie’s budget was $48 million, not $200 million as opposed to today. I miss movies like this. Why can’t media go back to simpler times?

#Indiana jones and the last crusade #feeling salty over movies nowadays

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workersolidarity · 1 year ago

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[ 📹 The Israeli occupation army bombs and shells the tents of displaced Palestinian families before they can even evacuate their belongings outside the city of Rafah, in the southern Gaza Strip on Wednesday. The occupation forces open machine-gun fire and tank shells into densely populated areas and tent cities built to house displaced families as they advanced on the center of the city. The local Kuwait Specialized Hospital reported receiving 35 bodies of murdered Palestinians, along with 129 wounded civilians over the last day. 📈 The current death toll in the Gaza genocide now exceeds 34'844 Palestinians killed, including 14'690 children and 10'000 women, with another 78'404 wounded since Oct. 7th, 2023. ]

🇮🇱⚔️🇵🇸 🚀🚀🏘️💥🚑 🚨

ISRAELI OCCUPATION FORCES EXPAND OPERATIONS IN RAFAH, CARPET BOMBING CONTINUES, KEREM SHALOM CROSSING STILL CLOSED, NEW MASS GRAVE DISCOVERED AT AL-SHIFA

On the 215th day of "Israel's" ongoing special genocide operation in the Gaza Strip, the Israeli occupation forces (IOF) committed a total of 7 new massacres of Palestinian families, resulting in the deaths of no less than 55 Palestinian civilians, mostly children but also women, while another 200 others were wounded over the previous 24-hours.

It should be noted that as a result of the constant Israeli bombardment of Gaza's healthcare system, infrastructure, residential and commercial buildings, local paramedic and civil defense crews are unable to reach countless hundreds, even thousands of victims who remain trapped under the rubble, or who's bodies remain strewn across the streets of Gaza.

This leaves the official death toll vastly undercounted, as Gaza's healthcare officials are unable to accurately tally those killed and maimed in this genocide, which must be kept in mind when considering the scale of the mass murder.

In a new horrific atrocity announced by Gaza's media office, a third mass grave was discovered at the Al-Shifa medical complex in Gaza City on Tuesday, from which at least 49 decomposing bodies of murdered Palestinians have been found so far.

This brings the number of mass graves discovered at hospitals in recent weeks to 7, including one mass grave at Kamal Adwan Hospital in Beit Lahiya, in the northern Gaza Strip, three at Al-Shifa Hospital in the Al-Rimal neighborhood of Gaza City, and three at the Nasser medical complex in Khan Yunis, in the southern Gaza Strip.

In a statement issued by media office, the office said, “We condemn in the strongest terms the crimes of genocide and the continuous killing committed by the occupation army against our Palestinian people. "

“We hold the US administration, the international community and the occupation fully responsible for these mass graves and this blatant aggression," the office added.

In other news, there are conflicting reports about the reopening of the Kerem Shalom crossing, where the Gaza Strip at Rafah meets the Egyptian border, the crossing where nearly all humanitarian aid has entered the Gaza Strip from.

The Israeli occupation initially announced on Wednesday that the Kerem Shalom crossing had been reopened to aid trucks, while reports on the ground say a single fuel truck was allowed to pass on its way to the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine, also known as UNRWA, before the crossing was again closed by the Israeli army forces occupying the site.

Meanwhile, the Israeli occupation army expanded the scope of its operations in Gaza's southernmost city of Rafah.

Zionist Merkava tanks and other armored vehicles were seen firing tank shells into high-rise buildings, apartment complexes, and other civilian infrastructure in central Rafah, passing through the Al-Awda roundabout in the heart of the city, and reaching to the Al-Najma roundabout, near the entrance to the Shaboura Refugee Camp, southeast of the Tal al-Sultan neighborhood.

Israeli artillery shelling and airstrikes hammered from the outskirts of the Al-Geneina neighborhood, to the Brazil neighborhood east of Rafah, while Zionist aircraft bombed in the vicinity of the site of the former Al-Quds Open University.

Merkava tanks were also witnessed to be firing large-caliber shells into the Al-Shoka neighborhood, a densely populated village in Rafah, while Israeli air forces bombarded the same neighborhood.

Palestinian media sources say hundreds of civilian vehicles were seen leaving the city, the last city standing which has yet to have been leveled by the Israeli occupation forces.

The carnage caused by the Israeli bombing and shelling was immediate, with the Kuwait Specialized Hospital, the only operating hospital in Rafah, reporting it had received 35 martyrs and 129 wounded over the previous 24-hours.

Israeli occupation fighter jets and artillery concentrated firepower on the buildings of Zaroub, the Al-Qeshta tower, and Al-Masry in central Rafah, resulting in several intense fires and civilian deaths, while continued Israeli bombardment prevented the arrival of paramedic and civil defense crews.

At the same time, an Israeli airstrike targeted a gathering of Palestinian civilians, killing at least one and wounding several others, while an IOF warplane bombed a residential house in the Al-Geneina neighborhood, east of the city.

The atrocities continued when Israeli warplanes bombed another group of civilians west of the border crossing, wounding two people who were transported to the Kuwait Specialized Hospital.

Occupation air forces further bombarded the Salah al-Din Gate area on the border with Egypt, killing two Palestinians, while two more Palestinians were killed following an Israeli airstrike on a residential home belonging to the Al-Qadiri family in central Rafah.

Elsewhere, occupation artillery shelling targeted the town of Khuza'a, east of Khan Yunis, also in the southern Gaza Strip, slaughtering two women and wounding many others.

Yet another Zionist bombing of the Mufti's land area, north of the Nuseirat Refugee Camp, in central Gaza, wounded several civilians, while occupation artillery shelling targeted the village of Al-Masdar, also in central Gaza.

In other areas of the Palestinian enclave, Zionist aircraft and helicopters opened fire on the east of the Al-Zaytoun neighborhood, southeast of Gaza City, while further strikes targeted the Al-Mughraqa area, in central Gaza. Israeli army vehicles from the Netzarim Corridor also fired intense waves of shells and gunfire.

According to Palestinian media outlet WAFA, Israeli occupation forces bombed an apartment in a residential building owned by the Al-Louh family, in the vicinity of the Al-Falah School in the Asqoula area of the Al-Zaytoun neighborhood, assasinating a man, his wife and their children, while also wounding a number of others. The dead and wounded were transferred by local civil defense personnel to the Baptist Hospital in Gaza City.

In continued Zionist aggression, Israeli aircraft bombarded a gathering of citizens on Street 8, south of Gaza City, killing one civilian and wounding a number of others.

At the same time, an Israeli bombardment targeted near the Indonesian Hospital in Jabalia, in the north of Gaza, while similarly, occupation artillery forces shelled the town of Beit Lahiya.

As a result of the Israeli occupation's ongoing special genocide operation in the Gaza Strip, the death toll among the local population rises endlessly, now exceeding 34'844 Palestinians killed, including over 14'690 children and 10'000 women, while another 78'404 others have been wounded since the start of the current round of Zionist aggression, beginning with the events of October 7th, 2023.

May 8th, 2024.

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@WorkerSolidarityNews

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