#it was genuinely super damaging to my creative process

[novantinuum]

i think a lot about how back in the day (like... mid to late 2019) i was told that "writing a story about Steven dealing with the ramifications of PTSD would not only be a False reading of the text, but also in poor taste," and like

quite frankly, given what SUF was about i believe i am owed a serious apology iujfnsujkdngj

[holly-louisexox]

Ribcage X Andy Bisersack- Part 6

Masterlist

"There's one thing you should know about me Delia Vincent, I don't date. Got no heart to break and emptiness is safe, keep it that way."

He was adamant in his choices...

...But then things changed.

Not my GIF

"Okay great job guys! Before you go... do whatever, I want you to run over the first section of Faithless please. I just need to measure up the audio recording of the bells to the drums so it's set and pre done ready for tonight." Delia explains speaking through her head set that was connected to the in ear pieces the guys were wearing; this venue was a fair bit bigger meaning the use of a head set was much easier to communicate with the guys rather than shouting and potentially causing damage to her throat.

The guys all gave a thumbs up towards Delia's direction of the sound booth to let her know they had received the message, then they proceeded to get into position for Faithless. Working with a pre recording/ background music and sounds for musicians to play alongside to was always a challenge for both musician and sound tech. Obviously the musicians had to make sure they kept in tempo for the recording but for someone like Delia controlling the sounds levels, it was a whole other story. Not only did she have to make sure the band's sound was balanced but she had to add the audio sound balance on top.

"That's perfect, thanks guys." Delia then speaks through her headset again after the band had finished performing up to the end of the first chorus as she had requested. "You're free to do whatever until VIP and show now."

Once she watches the guys walk off of stage and head towards what she was guessing the dressing room, she takes off the headset and plans to go and find Shevy. Delia was planning on going to grab a coffee quickly and she knew that Shevy would also want to do the same; over the length of tour so far, Delia had come to realise just how much coffee was a lifesaver.

Opening the door of the sound booth she was in, she was shocked to find Andy waiting on the other side of it. To say she became slightly nervous was an understatement.

"Andy, Hi." Delia smiles through her nerves.

"Hey. So um, I just wanted to say thank you again for the batman figure. It was actually a really great gift and, um, the gift giving was actually a pretty cool idea." Andy starts.

"You're welcome." Delia nods feeling extremely awkward and she could tell that Andy was also out of his comfort zone right now; hopefully this awkward conversation would not last too long and she could get going.

"Anyway, I um. I wanted to return the um, the idea, the motive, whatever. I found this little pin badge in a shop earlier. I saw it and thought I was being creative because, well, your name is Delia and it's a pin of a flower; a dahlia to be exact. I thought it would be creative but I realise now it's probably super lame and I'm sorry." Andy rambles nervously as he pulls out a small pin of a dahlia from the pocket of his trousers and hands it to Delia.

"No, Andy, this is..." Delia starts as she takes the pin from Andy's hand felling a small genuine smile creep on her face. "This is great. I really like the thought process behind it, it's quite cleverly done."  

"Look, truthfully, I've been an asshole; I know that." Andy admits awkwardly stuffing his hands in the pockets of his trousers. "I'm sorry. I realise that my actions have most likely made it difficult for you to get to know the rest of the band over these last few days. Basically don't expect me to be all chummy with you all of a sudden, but I'll try to be less rude and accept that you're a part of the team now."

"Thanks Andy, that means a lot." Delia continues to smile whilst being completely taken off guard by Andy's sudden nice gestures; never did she think that she would get an apology from this guy.

"I promise it's nothing personal, just..." Andy trails off not wanting to finish his sentence.

"It's okay, I get it. I know about Juliet." Delia nods understandably.

"Don't say her fucking name!" Andy snaps- so much for him being nice. "Whatever, I'll see you around I guess. Enjoy the flower." Andy then proceeds to storm off leaving Delia in complete shock of what just happened.

Suddenly Delia had lost her cravings for coffee. Trying to find Shevy would most likely result in her bumping into one of the band members and after that encounter with Andy, Delia thought it would be best to spend some time alone to process it all. Looking down at the pin badge in her hand again she feels that same smile spread across her face. Sure, Andy was a complete dickhead, but he had a good mind when it came to buying gifts. Delia had never had anyone put so much thought into a gift, even a small one such as this. Safe to say Delia was impressed by Andy's commitment despite his outburst afterwards.

---------------------

"There you are! Where have you been D? I haven't seen you all day!" Shevy gasps as she walks onto the bus to find Delia sitting on her bed scrolling through her phone. "Wait I can call you D right?"

"Yeah, D is fine." Delia nods shrugging as she puts her phone away watching Shevy sit on her own bed situated opposite Delia's. "I've just kind of been thinking over some things, nothing exciting."

"Awe, pretty flower, where'd you get it?" Shevy then snaps her attention to the flower pin that Delia had since attached to her denim jacket.

"Andy got it for me actually." Delia smiles awkwardly as she awaits Shevy's reaction.

"Wait what? Really?!" Shevy gasps in pure shock as she stares at Delia to see if she's joking.

"Yeah, really. He said he found it in a shop and it's a dahlia, he thought he was being creative because dahlia and Delia kind of sound similar." Delia explains to Shevy what Andy had said to her earlier that day; Shevy continues to stare at Delia in shock. "He apologised to me Shevy."

"What? Andy Biersack? The guy who has been a moody piece of shit for the last few years apologised to you?" Shevy screams slightly leaping up to join Delia sat on her bed. "You're kidding?"

"No, I'm not. He said he was sorry and that he was going to try to be less of a dick effectively." Delia explains which makes Shevy scream.

"Oh my god." Shevy gasps again. "Andy totally has the hots for you!"

"What? Shevy, no way, he does not!" Delia screeches grabbing her pillow and whacking Shevy round the head.

"Okay, rude, I'm going to ignore that you just did that." Shevy laughs grabbing the pillow from Delia and placing it back where it originally was. "But come on! Andy apologised to you. He's never even said sorry to me! There's definitely something about you that interests him."

"Oh my god Shevy, there is no way he's into me. He's simply trying to be civil after I was civil with him. Hell, I don't even know the guy and he doesn't know me." Delia becomes defensive; she was not sure why she felt she had to be defensive in front of Shevy but she had never been good at situations like this.

"Look, just be careful okay? Andy is a very attractive guy, I won't lie, but he has been known to sleep around. Obviously that's not a bad thing but it could complicate things for the tour, especially if you were to catch feelings." Shevy becomes serious as she looks out for her new friend. "I know you've only known of him for a few days but trust me when I say that tours like this bring people very close together very quickly."

"Trust me Shevy, I have no intentions of sleeping with him. I'm here to work and I enjoy my job, I don't have time for men right now nor am I interested right now." Delia explains. "Anyway, I'm ready to get some sleep, we're going to start moving soon and we have a show in Biloxi tomorrow."

"Okay yes that's very true." Shevy nods before grinning wildly. "But if anything more does happen I want all of the gossip!"

"Okay, fine, deal. Now can we please go to sleep?" Delia laughs slightly.

"Fine." Shevy groans before returning to her own bunk to grab her pyjamas that were placed under her pillow, Delia doing the same.

So it was weird that Andy apologised and has suddenly decided to try and be nicer; Delia definitely did not expect that from him. But what was his motive? Surely Shevy was not right in her ideas. It must have something to do with the fact that Delia was not about to put up with his bullshit this whole time and had stood her grounds on one occasion. Yes, that surely must be it.

[egg-emperor]

I don't literally think Sega Eggman is redeemable, but here's the thing. I like Boom Eggman's sympathetic qualities but I think Sega Eggman is way COOLER - like adventuring across the planet, going to space, fighting with giant robots, etc. So my ideal fanon Eggman is a blend of the two - as cool/adventurous as Sega and as sweet as Boom. But I fully acknowledge that canonically game Eggman's (probably) not much like that.

I'm personally not a fan of applying sympathetic qualities to villains that are supposed to be complete bastards like classic/modern. I fell in love with him because I find his villiany badass, the insanely large scale of his world shattering plans thrilling, and he's really evil but also super charming, handsome, and funny. I didn't need to imagine him having a good side to like him. And at the time I became a fan modern was the newest version, so the "not so bad of a guy" idea only existed with Eggman in later episodes of X but I felt it was very OOC, which I talked about the other day.

For game canon classic/modern Eggman, it just wouldn't make sense for him to be redeemed, considering all the terrible things he's done. They're not things that can be forgiven, excused, or redeemed. Once one gets to his level of evil, it's the point of no return. It's fine for it to be different with Boom because he's separate and hasn't done anything super unforgivable like classic/modern does without any shame or regrets. And he's shown that he can genuinely be nice in ways that classic/modern certainly can't.

I think game universe classic/modern Eggman is already perfect in terms of personality so I wouldn't change a thing. Especially since it's already well established that he's selfish and will do whatever it takes to get what he wants, causing tons of pain, suffering, and even death in the process with no remorse, so it wouldn't make sense if they were to apply it to his character now. I wouldn't like to see it in canon but of course I'm not going to try to tell anyone what to do in fanon, even if it's not my thing.

I respect your opinion and I'm glad you still acknowledge that game canon classic/modern doesn't genuinely fit that criteria. Some people don't realize that though, they desperately go out of their way to try to defend classic/modern and make him seem less evil than he blatantly is on screen all the time. I just like to embrace the fact that he's a bad person and I don't want to sugarcoat his actions. I'm also just personally not interested in the concept of a nicer Eggman, so I don't need to believe he can change.

I totally agree that classic/modern Eggman does way cooler things though, I think most do think the game events are much more exciting and a whole lot are thanks to classic/modern Eggman. No offense to Boom but he only targets a boring village and often just attempts the same kind of robot attacks and leaves lol. That's why the action scenes in Boom often failed to catch my interest. Meanwhile classic/modern goes for the entire world and gets really crazy and creative with his creations and plans. XD

But I feel like some of it could be down to Boom being nowhere near as evil as modern. (I know it's also because of the show's budget but I think we can apply an in universe reason for it.) Because it takes not just big balls but also for someone to be a very evil bastard to have the fucked up globally catastrophic schemes of classic/modern because of all the destruction and collateral damage they cause. I think there's a chance Boom would consider it as going too far because he isn't as evil and has been considerate of others, unlike classic/modern.

That leads to another reason why I love classic/modern so much- he isn't afraid of going great lengths as long as the world still exists for him to conquer. Because he's selfish and inconsiderate of others, he doesn't hold back and goes so much further than Boom to get what he wants. Maybe Boom could learn to try out more things to keep his plans fresh without being like classic/modern but I feel there's a possibility that he doesn't do things as extreme for a reason.

[miastideclock]

BTS Rap Line Drabble, “Ddaeng.”

 could u do a drabble with namjoon, yoongi and hoseok and something around DDAENG?? have your fun with it!! Idc who ends up with who if there even is any romance or anything- get ur creative juices flowing :3 -Silver Anon

-

Of course I can! I love both the song and the boys, so I’m gonna have a lot of fun with this one :))

I highly recommend listening to THIS as you read x

Word Count: 2.68k Warnings: Violence, Swearing, Threats, Sexual Suggestions

You checked behind you once. Then twice. Even a third time to make sure you weren’t being followed. After you were certain there were no one with you down the abandoned alleyway, you jumped the fence. Climbing a 13-foot wall wasn’t easy, but it sure was easier now than the first time you did it- three years ago.  The wall was pretty useful in keeping out people who didn’t belong there, like cops or whistleblowers, as they never bother to actually jump the wall. 

You grunted as you hit the pavement and rolled to cushion the jump. You then got to your feet and jogged the last three minutes, the chants and the cheers growing louder and louder as you did so. 

Underground boxing had been an interest of yours for years, so when you found the arena by accident one night, you knew you were in the right place. However, it took a few months before you actually began fighting yourself, but when you did? Wow. You had caught everyone off guard when you seemingly showed up out of nothing and became close to undefeated.

“Look what decided to show up!” A voice snarled from behind you once you had gotten into the crowd. You knew instantly who it was, and spun on your heel to face them. 

“Namjoon! Good to see you- so sorry I couldn’t attend your funeral last year.” You smiled sarcastically as you looked up at the man in front of you. He was taller than you by quite a bit, but you didn’t let that intimidate you. 

Namjoon chuckled at you reply, but decided to not spit back a comment of the same nature, rather he asked you why you were there. “You planning on fighting today or are you just here for my halftime?” Namjoon wasn’t a fighter like you, but he was more often than not one of the announcers of the fights, and often him and his crew had rap-battles and things alike when there were fewer fighters. 

“I think I was set up at round six, maybe. I would never come here just to watch you and your friends make a fool of yourselves.” You smirked back. 

You and Namjoon had a complicated relationship. You would snarl back and forth like arch enemies, but at the end of the night you would both be undressing each other with your eyes, the tension being insane. 

“Oh please, everytime we perform your heart skips a beat, and your breath hitches. I can tell by your eyes, princess.” Namjoon taunted in a tone so low it wasn’t far from a growl. As he spoke he slowly got closer and closer to you, bending a little so he had you at eye-level. You found your lips parting ever so slightly as you licked the inner corner of your lips, your eyes never breaking eye-contact with his. You tried to look unimpressed, but what he was saying was the truth.

“Keep dreaming. I am here for one reason and one reason only. I’m going to do everything to win the fights, so I can leave here with the money-price. Me being here solely for you and your little performance is purely wishful thinking on your end, princess.” You belittled him as you spoke, ending it with a call-back to his nickname for you. You then flipped around, making sure your two dutch-braids would slap him across his chest, and then you were on your way. 

You made it over to the announcer of the night and gave him your form. 

NAME: your/fighter/name WEIGHT CLASS: xx HEIGHT: xx ROUND: Six With this, you take all responsibility of any damages that may happen to your person. By signing this you have no legal right to sue SEOUL UNDERGROUND BOXING COMMUNITY.  SIGN: Signature.

It was a form every fighter had to sign to fight on the grounds of SUBC. 

The announcer skimmed the form and gave you a nod then letting you go to the area behind him, leading into a small shed where you changed and put your things while fighting. You dumped your things onto the bench inside and tore off your hoodie, revealing your sports-bra. You found wearing loose shirts only made it hard for you to move as freely as you wished, so you more often than not opted for a sports-bra and basketball shorts or a loose-fitting pair of sweatpants.

The bell soon dinged as a sign that the current fight was over. As that had been round five, you were next up. You continued to wrap your hands as you made your way out of the small shed and over to the middle of the arena. 

The stadium was positioned in an unfinished and abandoned tunnel on the outside of the city, and it would change locations every few months or so, to make sure the wrong people wouldn’t find it. But due to the location, the chanting and cheering became super loud as it echoed into the tunnel. 

“..AND ON OUR RIGHT WE HAVE NINE TIME WINNER AND DEFENDING CHAMPION  - Y/F/N !” The announcer screamed into the megaphone, you stepping out from the shadows as he did so. You walked over to the middle of the ring and shook your opponent’s hand. You would usually take that opportunity to size your opponent and try to figure out what tactics to use- but instead you gave him a smile. 

“Hoseok! Long time no see!” You greeted him with a genuine smile. He was your favorite person to fight, as it didn’t automatically mean you would win. You would have to work for it, and those were the best fights. 

“Y/n- didn’t think I would see you here today. Heard a rumor you were taking a break?” He commented as he too smiled all while jumping lightly from foot to foot to warm up. 

“Fake news, mate. A girl’s gotta pay rent.” You joked and winked to him, making him laugh. You then stepped back to your starting points, waiting for the bell to ring. 

You knew you had about a minute or so before the bell would go off, so you started doing what you did before every fight. You started slapping and hitting your chest, shoulders and thighs raw to hype yourself up. You were completely red where you had hit, but that just fueled the adrenaline. 

The announcer soon started the countdown. 

“THREE!” He screamed. You took a deep breath and locked eyes with Hoseok. 

“TWO!” You breathed out, completely emptying your lungs of any oxygen whatsoever, to the point where it hurt. 

“ONE!” You and Hoseok gave each other a nod, simultaneously, as to tell each other to not take the fight personally. The two of you had grown to become quite good friends, so none of the bruises would be because of who they were- it would simply be for the price. 

The bell went off. 

The crowd instantly went crazy as you and Hoseok started circling each other, both of you waiting for your opponent to charge. After about ten seconds, Hoseok finally sprinted at you, placing his shoulder into your stomach and lifting you up, then slamming you against the ground- all before you could even process what had happened. 

The scary part about underground fighting is that there are no rules. No specific kind of fighting. You do whatever you need to do to keep your opponent on the ground for more than ten seconds, or until they tap out. Whether that is kicking them in the head or biting their calf, the judge won’t care. 

Because of this, you took the opportunity to grab Hoseok’s leg while you were still on the floor, and wrap yourself around it, using your legs to hoist yourself up, and then use your whole body weight to send him to the floor, resulting in you straddling him and punching him in the face. The crowd went nuts. 

You got in two solid punches before Hoseok came to and threw you off of him, you using his force to roll as far away as you could before getting up in a position where you kneel on one leg, both of your hands touching the ground.

He was in a squatting position about two meters away from you, waiting for you to make the next move. You breathed out and leaped at him, grabbing his shoulder as you rolled over him, sending you both flying. 

This went on for a while, and after about four minutes, you felt like you finally had the upper hand. You were now sat on the ground, having his neck between your thighs, squeezing so he couldn’t breathe, waiting for him to tap out. 

He finally did and the bell rung, making you let go as soon as you could, and then help him to his feet. “You did great.” You complimented him as he rubbed the side of his neck, it being sore from your finishing move. He then smiled and gave you a nod in return, it being his way of saying the same. 

The judge was soon by your side, standing in between you and Hoseok, holding both of your hands but only raising yours to show you off as the champion of the round. 

While you breathed heavily and had your hand raised by the judge, you took in the cheers and chants calling your name in awe. You scanned the crowd and soon made eye-contact with Namjoon, causing a smirk to play on your lips. He stood there clapping as if it was against his own will. You then playfully gave him a wink before looking away, this resulting in Namjoon chuckling slightly as he too looked away, licking the inside of his bottom lip as he did so. 

You were soon allowed to go back to the small shed and grab the towel you had brought as well as a crisp bottle of water. After doing so, you walked into the crowd to find Hoseok, wanting to have a proper chat with him. But while you were looking for him, the announcer soon caught your attention.

“While we wait for the competitors of round seven, give it up for RM, AUGUST D AND J-HOOOPE!” He hyped up, dragging out the last name as he walked off ‘stage’, it just being the ring you had just fought in. In reality it was just a slightly raised part of the ground, about two feet or so above where everyone else was standing. 

You found yourself a pole to lean up against as you calmed down your still heavy breathing. 

The bell rang once as the music started, Namjoon being the first out, rapping in his usual style. He gracefully rapped the intro, something you found a bit annoying as you didn’t want to be attracted to his smooth flow. You recognized the song as Ddaeng, as they had performed it before at a different setting. 

After that Hoseok rapped his verse, you cheering with the crowd as you hyped him up. Dancing along with the rhythm. It was soon time for the chorus again, this time Yoongi and Hoseok joining forces. 

You had met this Yoongi fella once before, it being briefly. It was at your last fight about a month ago, you had stopped Hoseok in by-passing to tell him he had improved greatly. Yoongi was with him, you barely catching his name before they had to leave. 

After that you had been to a rap-battle in a different city, and in the center you had seen him under the name August D. He hadn’t seen you, but you had paid very close attention to him as you vibed with his flow. 

Before you knew it, the second chorus was over, and the third verse was brought down a bit, Namjoon’s turn. He found your gaze and locked eyes with you, his raspy voice growling as he spit the lyrics to his part. He beckoned you over using his finger, you doing so, wondering what he had planned. 

As you reached the stage with you arms crossed across your chest, he slowly bent down to kneel on one leg in-front of you, however you still had to look up to meet his eyes. His verse carried on as he reached out his hand, hooking his pointer finger under your chin, his thumb resting in you bottom lip. His face came closer and closer, you breath hitching ever so slightly, and you prayed that he didn’t notice.  As his lips inched closer to your own, it was as if you couldn’t hear the cheering from the crowd anymore, as if there was no one else but you and Namjoon. But all that broke away as soon as his verse was over and he pulled away from you, getting to his feet and joining his friends back in the center of the ‘stage’. 

You felt yourself releasing a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, quickly looking around you to see who was watching you, but most everyone’s attention had returned to Hoseok and Namjoon getting through the last chorus together. 

The music cut out and the crowd went crazy. The three men stood on stage heaving for air, especially Hoseok as he never got the chance to catch his breath after the fight. 

Namjoon yet again found your eyes and winked, calling back to what you had done after the fight. 

The announcer then ushered them off stage as the next fight was about to start. The three guys then jumped off the short ‘stage’ and down to you. You quickly gave Hoseok a sweaty hug, telling him how great he had been. After that you greeted Yoongi, letting him know that you liked his performance in the city over. Last was Namjoon. 

“Hoseok! You were amazing! I could never do that after a fight what the hell! And Yoongi, hi! Lovely to see you again. I actually saw you in a rap-battle over in Busan, you were insane.” You hugged Yoongi as well, apologizing for being so sweaty still. 

“I knew that was you! I thought I saw you but you left before I could confirm my suspicions. Next time you’re over there hit me up and let’s hang!” Yoongi spoke in a cheery tone, a large contrast from his persona on stage. You nodded and quickly wrote your number down on his arm for him to contact you later. 

You then turned to Namjoon who was standing there with a sly smirk on his face. You took a step closer so you were touching him. “So you think you’re slick, huh?” You commented, resulting in him nodding, the smirk never leaving his face. “Well, two can play that game.” You mumbled mostly to yourself, but you were stood so close to Namjoon that he definitely heard you. He raised an eyebrow as to question you, but before he could get out a word, you grabbed the waist-fabric of his hoodie and pulled him closer to you, getting on your toes as you closed the gap between you two, placing your right hand on the back of his head as your lips connected. 

You heard both Hoseok and Yoongi riot behind you, but you didn’t care. Namjoon had kissed you back instantly, and before you knew it you were full on making out. He had become like putty in your hands, almost wanting to make you laugh. 

Almost as if he came to, he was about to grab your waist to pull you close, but that was when you took a step back, ending your kiss. 

“Anyways, I have to go get ready for my next fight. Bye Princess.” You winked at Namjoon and made your way back to your shed, leaving him high and dry, just like he had done to you.

Once you entered the shed, you fell down onto the bench and kicked the air, not wanting to show him what effect he had on you. You gave it a few minutes before you collected yourself to get ready for your next fight.

Hope you liked it! Feel free to request more x

-Bentley

[robinrunsfiction]

Baby, You’re A Haunted House

Pairing: Gerard Way x Female Reader Rating: General (TW for blood, mentions of a suicide) Requested By: None Word Count: 6,330 Author’s Note: Here is my first story for spooky season! I had hoped to have it up sooner, but life has been busy. This story has been in my mind since this spring. I intend on writing a little bit about the location it’s set in because it’s real! It really is a seminary that was converted into apartments in my hometown. I’ll link to the post here when it’s written. And yes, that is a picture of it below!  Also!!! There is a reference to another one of my favorite bands and one of their albums, first person who can correctly point it out wins... a prize? My admiration? Not sure yet, but shout it out if you know it!

It all seemed too good to be true.

(YN)’s roommate had let her know that she was going to be moving out of town for a new job and the thought of looking for a new apartment or roommate was overwhelming. She was dreading the process, but the next day while eating her lunch at work, she spotted an ad in the paper for Holy Name Heights. The description stated the apartments were newly renovated and located in a historic building on the edge of town, so she called right away to set up a tour.

Later that week she was touring the building that had previously been a seminary for many years. The diocese had sold the second and third floors of the sprawling building to a developer who converted the rooms into apartments, while leaving the first floor as office spaces for the diocese, a Catholic charity organization, and a small museum about the history of the church’s presence in the area.

“This place is beautiful,” (YN) marveled at the space. While being only one bedroom, it was spacious, had a washer and dryer so she wouldn't need to haul her laundry anywhere, assigned parking, not to mention a beautiful view, but a question nagged at the back of her mind. “How much is it per month?”

“$850 per month including utilities,” the agent replied with a smile.

“Oh! Ok, yes, I’d love to apply!”

A few weeks later as (YN) was moving her things into her brand new third floor apartment, she realized how quiet the building was. She paused briefly at each door as she walked by, straining to hear if anyone else was there. As she arrived at her own door with another armload of boxes, the door next to hers opened and a dark haired man stepped out. She shot him a quick smile as she fumbled for her keys. 

“Do you need some help?” He asked.

“That’d be great,” she laughed and he took the box from her so she could get her keys straightened out. “I’m (YN).”

“Gerard,” he replied as she got the door open and took the box back from him.

“Have you lived here long?”

“Just moved in last weekend. I’m glad I’m not the only one up here anymore.”

“Wait, seriously? None of these other apartments are occupied?”

“I don’t think so, I haven’t seen many people around. I guess an old seminary might be kind of a hard sell.”

“Yea, I’m not sure I would have considered it either if I wasn’t in a bind. Thanks for the help with the box,” (YN) smiled as she shifted it in her arms.

“No problem, I’ll see ya around,” he smiled before continuing down the hall.

“See ya,” she called after him. (YN) closed the door behind her and shook her head. Cool apartment, good price, cute neighbor. It all seemed too good to be true.

~

The next day (YN) got up, made a pot of coffee and set about unloading the box that held her mug collection. The fact that she didn’t have to share cupboards with a roommate delighted her, as she didn’t have to worry about any of her favorites getting damaged. She put on some music and made her way over to the living room window as the smell of brewing coffee filled the room. 

Her view was of the front of the building. Trees with bare branches lined the hillside that the building sat upon and a long driveway led up to the front of the building. She loved knowing that the leaves would soon be filling those branches, and then in the fall they’d turn beautiful shades of gold, red and orange. She also liked the idea of being able to see who was coming and going up the driveway. 

After enjoying her coffee, she got back to work unpacking her apartment. The hours flew by as the pile of broken down cardboard boxes piled up near her door. As she wiped her sweaty brow, she realized she had no idea what to do with the boxes and trash that had accumulated. Had the agent even shown her where the dumpsters were? Then she had an idea. Gerard.

Should she bother him? She didn’t even know for sure if he was in. She took a deep breath as she approached his door and knocked. She wondered how long she should wait if he wasn’t there, or didn’t want to answer. She’d never interacted much with the neighbors at her old apartment building, so maybe she was being totally obnoxious. (YN) was so deep in her own thoughts that she almost didn’t notice that the door was opening.

“Hey (YN), what’s up?”

“Hi, umm this is probably super dumb, but I don’t know where the recycling bins and dumpsters are. The agent never pointed them out, and I didn’t think to ask until I realized I was knee deep in broken down boxes,” she laughed nervously.

“I can help you carry boxes down,” Gerard offered with a smile.

“You don’t have to do that,” (YN) could feel herself blushing.

“It’s no problem.”

“I mean, if you insist!” (YN) laughed and he followed her back to her door. They each took an armload of boxes and Gerard led the way to the staircase that was at the end of the hallway next to his apartment. (YN) glanced over her shoulder at the dark portion of the staircase that led up to a door, most likely the attic. She quirked an eyebrow in curiosity but continued after Gerard.

“So what do you do?” (YN) asked, breaking the silence that hung between them as they headed down the stairs.

“I’m a comic book writer,” he replied almost sheepishly.

“Oh wow, that’s really cool,” (YN) replied genuinely and Gerard lit up.

“Thanks! A lot of people think it’s kinda lame, but it’s just a different type of writing, ya know?” (YN) nodded in agreement. “What do you do?”

“Boring office work,” she said shaking her head. “I wish I had time to do creative stuff like write or draw.”

“You should try, even if it’s just a little bit at a time,” he said as he opened the door leading out into the bright sunshine. “The dumpsters are back here.”

“Thanks,” (YN) smiled as she dropped her share into the recycling bin. "And maybe I'll try to find some time to write, if inspiration strikes."

"You'd be surprised how ideas can pop up when you least expect them," Gerard replied as they made their way back to their floor.

~

Winter started to melt into spring, and (YN) had settled into the routine of her new apartment life. Or at least she thought she was. 

It quickly became clear that she must have been a lot more absentminded than she realized, and her old roommate must have been picking up her slack. She could have sworn she had more milk left when she put the carton back in the fridge, but when she grabbed it the next morning for her cereal there was almost none left. And then there were all the things that just seemed to disappear for no reason that never reappeared, no matter how hard she looked.

One thing that didn’t seem to disappear was her crush on her neighbor Gerard. Interacting with him also became part of her routine, as it always seemed they were running into each other walking into the building or by the mailboxes.

It just happened that it was one of those lucky days, as (YN) had just walked in with her bags from grocery shopping when Gerard walked by. 

“Hey (YN),” he smiled. 

“Gerard,” (YN) started, trying to stifle a laugh. “ I’m not trying to be mean, but do you know how to cook? I feel like I’ve only ever seen you with take out, but never groceries,” she said nodding to her own bags.

“I know how to cook! I am a functional adult,” he replied with feigned offense.

“If you say so, enjoy your dinner,” (YN) replied as she entered her apartment.

“I’ll prove it to you,” he called just as she was about to shut the door.

She poked her head out the door, eyebrows raised. “Oh really?”

“Tomorrow night? 7 o’clock?”

“I’ll be there,” she replied with a smile. When the door was shut behind her, she couldn’t help but let out a squeal of delight.

The next evening (YN) was digging through her drawers looking for the sweater she wanted to wear to dinner with Gerard, but she absolutely could not find it. 

“This is crazy, I know I saw it when I was putting away laundry,” she muttered to herself. She got up and went over to the closet housing the washer and dryer, in hopes it had just fallen between the machines, or maybe was still in the dryer. She looked all around but found nothing, and trudged back to her room.

‘Wait, I didn’t turn the light off,’ she said, flipping the switch back on with a shake of her head. “I need to get more sleep.”

Giving up the search, she threw on a different top and checked the time. It was a few minutes past 7 and she hurried out the door.

“Welcome to my humble home,” Gerard said with a smile as he let (YN) in.

“Hmm, seems familiar,” (YN) giggled. “Oh dinner smells great!”

“Thank you,” Gerard smiled proudly. “We’ll be having spaghetti and meatballs. Umm, I don’t drink, so I have soda or water,” Gerard offered.

“Water is fine,” (YN) replied as she sat down at the table. “How’d you day go?”

“Good, I think I have a new story I wanna work on,” he answered as he placed plates on the table and sat down himself. “How about you.”

“Pretty boring actually. I’ll have to admit, knowing that we’re gonna be having dinner got me through my day.”

Gerard smiled and (YN) could have sworn she saw a blush creeping across his cheeks as he glanced down. "I'm glad I could help."

Conversation lulled as they dug into their meals, and The Smashing Pumpkins played softly in the background.

"Ok, I have to apologize for that dig yesterday about you not cooking, this is very good,” (YN) smiled.

"I have to admit, I bought the sauce, and the meatballs were frozen," Gerard winced.

“That’s fine! I do the same,” she laughed and Gerard looked relieved.

(YN) was having a wonderful time hanging out with Gerard and she felt like she could listen to him talk forever. He spoke with such passion and enthusiasm, it drew her in and she hung on his words. They laughed and joked and the time flew by until (YN) found herself stifling a yawn and she glanced down at her watch.

"Oh, it's late! I should get outta your hair."

“Well m’lady,” he said, affecting the same posh accent they had been joking around in earlier and bowing before her, “I do hope this evening has lived up to all your expectations.”

“It most certainly has,” she said with a laugh as she curtseyed holding out an imaginary skirt. 

Gerard reached out and took her hand in his and placed a kiss to the back of it, catching her off guard as he looked up at her from behind his lashes. "I hope we can do it again sometime soon."

(YN) nodded. "Yea," she said almost breathlessly. "I'd love that."

Gerard walked her to the door and when she glanced back at him when she reached her own door, he was leaning against his door frame.

"Night," she waved before walking into her apartment and he smiled and waved back.

(YN) could hardly sleep that night, as she was absolutely buzzing.

~

Weekly dinners soon became a tradition between (YN) and Gerard, with both of them taking turns hosting the other. (YN) knew she was terrible at both flirting and picking up when others were flirting with her, but she couldn't help but feel like Gerard might just like her too.There was something about the way his friendly hugs and touches started to linger longer and longer.

One night when they had been hanging out Gerard had casually mentioned going to hang out with his brother on his birthday, so (YN) took it upon herself to bring him his present before he left that day. As she stood at his door, she felt just as nervous as the first time she was at his door asking for help with her boxes. Once again she was totally lost in thought when Gerard opened the door.

"Hey (YN)!" He greeted her.

"Hi! Happy birthday!" She smiled, holding out the plate of chocolate chip cookies and the card she picked out just for him. 

"You remembered my birthday?" He asked, his eyes going wide and pink dusting his cheeks.

"Of course I did!" She laughed. “How could I forget?” She added a little more softly.

The smile grew on Gerard’s face and (YN)’s heart fluttered. “Thanks,” he finally replied, shaking his head. “Hey (YN), I was wondering, if umm, you’d like to maybe like go out on a date, like a real date some time? Don’t feel like you have to say yes just because it’s my birthday.”

(YN) laughed again, and she could feel herself blushing. “Yea, that would be really nice,” she nodded. “And I definitely would have said yes, even if it wasn’t your birthday.”

“Great!” Gerard grinned, but the buzzing of his phone grabbed his attention. "Oh, Mikey's here."

"Have fun with him," (YN) smiled and waved as she turned to go while Gerard grabbed his jacket and keys.

"Wait," Gerard said as he locked the door and jogged over to her, just as she was reaching her door. She looked up at him expectantly and he seemed nervous again before leaning in and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. "Thanks again for the card."

"No problem," (YN) smiled before ducking into her own apartment to swoon.

~

A few days later, it was finally the day of their first date. Gerard suggested they go to the art museum and grab coffee. Even though they hung out all the time, the fact that this was actually a date made things ever so slightly awkward. As they walked into the museum, their hands brushed a few times before Gerard took her hand in his. She glanced over and smiled up at him and he seemed relieved. They chatted and joked happily as they walked through the exhibits before they went down the street to the cafe.

Finding a table tucked away from the others, they settled in with their coffees. The sun that had been shining when they walked in was soon covered in dark heavy clouds, and big heavy raindrops began to beat at the windows. Something about it made a shiver run down (YN)'s spine, a feeling she’d almost grown accustomed to.

"Gerard, can I ask you something kinda weird?" She asked when there was a lull in the conversation.

"Sure," he nodded.

(YN) sighed and looked down. "This is gonna sound crazy, and maybe I'm going crazy, but sometimes things get moved in my apartment, or I feel like someone or something is watching me. I've checked every inch of it and there's nothing there, but I dunno. Have you ever felt that in your apartment?" She finally looked up and was startled by Gerard's expression.

"Yea," he said softly, a look of unease on his face. "I totally know what you mean. I notice it when I’m at your place mostly, but sometimes when you come around," he trailed off.

"But, I mean, ghosts and stuff aren’t real though, right? Like It’s probably just the vibe of it being an old building.”

“Yea,” Gerard nodded with a tight smile. “Ghosts aren’t real, vampires aren’t gonna hurt you, zombies aren’t gonna eat your brain while you’re at the mall.”

“Right! You are right. I’m sure it will pass.”

After the rain stopped, they headed back to their building and headed up to the third floor, stopping in front of her door.

“I had a lot of fun today,” (YN) smiled.

“Me too,” Gerard nodded. “I, I really like you (YN). I hope we can do this again.”

(YN) grinned and nodded. “I really like you too Gee, and yes I’d really love to go out again as well.”

Gerard’s face lit up, any nervousness alleviated. He reached up, cupping her cheek gently, as her eyelids fluttered closed. He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers softly, before pulling back just as quick.

“I can’t wait to do that again,” Gerard whispered.

“Then do it again,” she replied.

Gerard didn’t hesitate for a second longer, leaning back in and kissing her deeply as she kissed back. His hand found her waist as she clutched his jacket. When they finally pulled back, they were both breathless and smiling.

(YN) knew that it was the start of something special.

~

Summer arrived with warm weather and abundant sunshine, but that didn’t stop the cold drafts that would breeze through (YN)’s apartment, even when the air conditioning was off. But then the noises started. Thumps and knocks in the middle of the night, jolting her awake. Once she was convinced someone was hammering frantically on her door. In the middle of the night. She jumped out of bed and rushed to the door, checking through the peephole to see who was there. But there was no one. 

The solution that seemed to be working best was spending as much time away from the apartment, specifically out with Gerard. From picnics in the park, to going to movies, cafes, wandering around book stores or comic book shops for hours, (YN) loved every moment of it.

One evening they were watching a movie in her apartment, happily curled up on the couch together when the thumps in the wall began behind them.

“What was that?” Gerard asked, startled.

(YN) sighed. “No idea. It’s been like this for a while now. I called the maintenance guy, but he doesn't think anything is in the walls. It’s why I’ve been so tired lately, I haven’t been sleeping, like at all.”

“Do you wanna come stay over at my place tonight? Maybe you’ll sleep better,” he offered.

(YN) smiled back at him. “Ok sure,” she nodded. When the movie was over, she changed into pajamas and they made their way back over to his apartment for the night. The next morning when she woke up, she stretched and sighed happily as Gerard held her close.

“Sleep well?” Gerard asked sleepily.

“Mmhmm,” she replied, looking up at him. She reached up and brushed away the hair that was falling across his face. “Best I have in a long time.”

“You’re welcome here anytime you want, sugar,” he said leaning in and kissing her sweetly.

"I worry that I'll overstay my welcome if I’m over here that often," (YN) laughed.

"Not possible, sugar," he said with a smile. "I love getting to spend my nights with you. Days too. I guess what I’m trying to say is I love you, (YN)."

“I love you too Gerard,” she replied before leaning in and kissing him deeply.

~

September arrived and Gerard was going to be gone for the weekend with a few of his friends on a guy’s trip for his brother Mikey’s birthday. (YN) was a little nervous at first about being alone at night, to the point where she was considering going to visit her parents for the weekend. Surprisingly, she was able to sleep through the night without any noises or strange occurrences waking her up.

The next morning she got up and went to retrieve a mug from the cupboard for her morning coffee. Without warning, a glass flew down from the top shelf, smashing into her forehead. (YN) yelped in surprise and stumbled back, glass shards littering the floor. Tentatively she reached up and touched just above her brow and when she pulled back, her fingers were covered in blood.

"Shiiiiit," she groaned as she carefully stepped over the broken glass on the floor and made her way to the bathroom. Flipping on the light, she felt nauseous at the sight. Blood dripping from the gash landed and streaked down her cheek like tears, accenting the dark circles under her eyes that she just couldn't shake after so many nights of interrupted sleep. She looked like death.

"Gee must really love me if this is what he's looking at every day," she muttered as she dabbed away at the blood with a washcloth.

A few hours later while walking out the emergency department with a fresh set of stitches, she decided she may as well fill in Gerard.

Happy friday! guess where i just left!

From Gerard 💖: Work let you take a half day?

Hospital 😬 

She dropped her phone back into her purse as she made her way across the parking lot, but by the time she got the door unlocked, Gerard was calling her.

"What happened?!" He asked frantically as soon as she picked up.

(YN) sighed. "A glass fell out of my cupboard and I got a cut above my eyebrow. Just a couple stitches and I wanted to make sure they got all the glass out," she replied, downplaying the accident. She knew he'd be back in a few days and he'd know she wasn't telling the whole truth about the cut, but she didn't want him to worry or end his trip early.

"But you're ok? Do you want me to come back?"

"Yes, I'm ok. But no, don't cut your trip short, I'm gonna go straight over to my parents for the rest of the weekendI think. It's one thing when we're losing sleep with weird noises, it's another to be attacked like this."

"You… you think," he sighed, seeming to be choosing his words carefully. "That a ghost did it?" Gerard asked in a hushed tone.

"If the glass was off balance and simply fell out of the cupboard it would have gone straight down. This was thrown at me, Gee. There was force behind it."

"Fuck," Gerard muttered. "I'm sorry sugar."

"Don't worry, I'm ok, I promise."

~

(YN) was grateful that Gerard believed what she told him about the haunting of her apartment. He could have easily dismissed her or her fears as crazy and ghost her, but he didn't. He was just as concerned about the situation and her wellbeing. After that weekend they began talking about moving out as soon as their leases were up. 

It had been a couple weeks when Gerard had a meeting in the city that was going to run late into the evening, so (YN) was stuck spending the night alone in her own apartment for the first time since the attack.

As she got in bed, she wondered how long it would be before she would be woken up at night. The noises always managed to cut right through her slumber to wake her, no matter how exhausted she was when she fell asleep. And exhausted she was as her eyelids were heavy as soon as her head hit the pillow.

She wasn't sure what time it was when the noise woke her up, but she sat up in bed and looked at the ceiling. It sounded like skittering, and she wondered if it might be something as innocent as an animal stuck in the attic. 'Wouldn't it be something if it was some animal all along,' she thought as she laid back down and closed her eyes again.

What felt like only moments later she opened them again, but she was not in her room. She wasn’t even in her apartment.

“Gerard?”

He looked up from where he was sitting on the floor in front of his couch with a look of concern and fear on his face unlike any she had seen before. “(YN), are you ok?”

“No, I’m- why am I in your apartment?”

“I was asleep and some noise up in the attic woke me up, but before I could fall back asleep there was this loud bang and I went up to check what was going on because it sounded different from anything before, and you were up there on the floor like you fainted. You didn't even stir until just now when you woke up.”

(YN) shook her head. “I heard the noise too, but I went back to sleep, I didn’t even get out of bed, I went right back to sleep until I just woke up here. What could have made me faint if I wasn't even awake and can’t remember what I saw?”

Gerard ran his hand through his hair, considering her question and when he spoke, his voice shook slightly. “I… I dunno (YN). After I brought you down from the attic, I went back to your apartment so I could put you in your own bed and your door was locked.”

“But that’s not possible unless I took my keys and locked it behind me. Should we go up and look for them upstairs?”

“No!” Gerard said quickly. “I mean, I don’t want to make you stay here if you don’t want, we can call the maintenance line to let you in, but I don’t wanna go up there again. Tonight, I mean.”

(YN) climbed off the couch and sat next to him on the floor. “I’ll stay here, you know that's fine but,” she paused, taking a deep breath. “What did you see up there Gee?”

He shook his head, looking down at his hands. “We can talk about it in the morning? It’s late.”

(YN) swallowed hard and nodded. "Yea, that's a good idea."

Gerard got up, offered her a hand, helping her up. He placed a kiss to the back of her hand before leading the way to his room.

(YN) always felt safe with Gerard's arms wrapped around her holding her tight, but it was still a very poor night of sleep for both of them. The next morning (YN) and Gerard were sitting in his living room, sipping coffee in silence before (YN)'s curiosity got the best of her.

"Can you tell me what you saw up there now?" (YN) asked suddenly. 

Gerard looked up at her, the dark circles under his eyes matching hers. He sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. "Do you really wanna know?"

(YN) nodded. "I wanna understand what happened last night. Well as much of it as I can."

Gerard drew a deep breath. "Ok. I went up there when I heard the second bang. I was kinda surprised the door was open. And then I was shining my flashlight around and," he drew in a breath and shook his head. "I thought I saw someone at the far end of the attic, but my flashlight went through him. I started to panic and that's when I realized you were on the floor. I grabbed you and carried you back down here and, well you know the rest."

"You saw the ghost?" (YN) asked, her voice cracking with fear.

Gerard nodded solemnly. "I think so."

~

Gerard's words kept ringing through (YN)'s mind. There was no denying it now, she was being haunted by a ghost. She was, generally speaking, freaked out about the whole situation, but also a little curious. That's when she remembered the museum on the first floor.

The space was small, no larger than an office. Shelves were filled with books and bibles, and old black and white photos lined the walls, but one picture stood out as different from the rest. An elderly woman stood before it, gazing up at the portrait of the young man.

"Excuse me, do you know any of the history of this building?"

The elderly woman tore her eyes off the photo and looked back at (YN). "Well, I should say I do. What can I help you with?"

"I don't know how to ask this delicately, but, umm, is there any reason to believe that it might be haunted?"

The elderly woman nodded slowly. "Well, yes, I suppose there would be," she replied before glancing back at the portrait. "This was my brother, Joshua. He was in the seminary and was going to become a priest when he met her."

"Her?"

"Elenora. She was beautiful," she paused, studying (YN) for a moment, "actually you remind me of her. But he was so conflicted, he wanted to be a priest, but he was so enchanted by her. He convinced himself, and her, that the only way they could be together was in death."

"Oh no," (YN) gasped.

She nodded. "They were to jump together from the roof. He went first, she never went."

"I'm so sorry," she replied softly.

"It was 60 years ago. I had known Elenora my whole life, so I blamed myself for introducing her into his life, but I didn't blame her! I still don't. I don't admit this to many people, but we're still friends."

"You have a very forgiving heart," (YN) smiled. "Thank you for telling me all that."

She nodded. "That is what I am here for," she replied as she walked around to a small desk and picked up a dust rag before turning back to one of the shelves.

(YN) made her way back to her apartment and shut the door. "Joshua, if that's you, please leave me alone," she said. 

Nothing happened and (YN) shrugged.

~

The cool fall weather settled in and October was filled with the warm glow of red, yellow, and orange leaves on the trees outside, but by Halloween, the branches were blown bare, leaving dark, imposing branches reaching toward the sky.

Gerard's friend Frank invited them to his house for a Halloween party, and to celebrate his birthday.

A night out, dressed as Bonnie and Clyde, was exactly what they both needed after all the time they spent living in a real life haunted house for almost a year now. (YN) also loved spending time with Gerard's friends. They quickly made her feel welcome and made her future with Gerard seem even better.

It wasn't too terribly late when they decided to call it a night and headed home. "I'm gonna go change and I'll be over," (YN) said before heading into her apartment. Gerard nodded and headed to his own door.

She kicked off her shoes and dropped her jacket over the back of the chair when she felt a cold rush of air blow past her. She closed her eyes as a shiver ran through her whole body. When she opened them, again the cold air was surrounding her, wind blowing her skirt around as a freezing rain started to pelt her arms and face. Frantically she looked around, realizing she was on a rooftop. Before she could get her bearings, phantom hands were on her, pushing and pulling her toward the edge.

"No! No! Get off of me! Let go!" She screamed, flailing her arms, trying to shake off the attack. She seemed to break free and started to run toward the hatch to the attic.

The hands grabbed her ankle and sent her tumbling to the rough surface of the roof. When she looked over her shoulder, a figure made of a shadowy mist was pulling her by the leg toward the edge.

"No! Stop it! No!" She screamed again, her hands scratching at the roof, trying to make purchase.

From behind her she heard a bang. She looked up and saw Gerard at the opening to the attic. "(YN)!"

"Gee! Help!"

"Let her go!" Gerard commanded as he ran to (YN), pulling her off the ground and wrapping her in his arms protectively. She buried her face against his shoulder as she clutched his shirt. "Are you ok? I got you sugar, you’re safe now."

"No, no I'm not ok," she sobbed.

"Come on, let's get inside."

Gerard helped her down the ladder and carried her down the stairs to his apartment. He set her down in the bathroom and set to work cleaning the cuts across her hands, legs, and feet.

"Gee, I don't wanna stay here tonight, I can’t stay here anymore, I have to move or I’m gonna end up dead!" (YN) cried as Gerard wiped the blood away from her palm.

"I know sugar, I'll get you cleaned up and we'll go find a hotel room tonight, ok?" (YN) sniffled and nodded in agreement. “And then in the morning we’re gonna find a new place to live, you and me.”

(YN) had been watching as he worked, but hearing him say that she looked up at him. “Together? Even after all this? What if it follows me?!"

He reached up and wiped away the tears that were rolling down her cheek. “Together. Nothing's gonna come between us, not even a ghost."

A smile finally broke across her face as he placed bandages on the worst cuts. Then she finally changed out of her soaked and bloodied Halloween costume and into a pair of Gerard's sweatpants and an old hoodie. She didn't have shoes, but she didn't care. She wasn't going back into her apartment until the day she was going back to pack it up and move out. And even then, she was considering hiring someone to do it for her.

"Ready to go?" He asked when she walked out of his room.

"Let’s get away from here," she nodded and he took her hand. They hurried through the cold rain to his car and she sighed as she sunk into the passenger seat. She finally felt free.

Gerard started down the long tree-lined drive when suddenly a large tree limb came crashing down in front of them. (YN) screamed as Gerard slammed on the breaks.

"Shit! Are you ok?" He asked breathlessly.

"Look!" She whimpered, pointing a shaking finger out the window. Gerard looked as well at the ghastly figure on the other side of the branch. Gerard put the car in park and unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Gee, what are you doing? Gee? Gerard! Stop it, get back in here!" She cried frantically as he got out of the car. Not knowing what else to do, she scrambled out as well.

"Give her to me!" The phantom wailed, striking cold terror through her. "I gave my life for my love, she belongs to me!"

"This is not your love!" Gerard shouted back.

She moved to stand next to Gerard, interlacing her fingers with his. "I'm not Elenora! I've never done you wrong!" She pleaded. "Gerard is my true love! Let us pass!"

The phantom's face contorted, snarling, teeth growing long, fingers becoming claw-like. (YN) screamed in fright as Gerard stepped in front of her. As the ghost launched at them, headlights came up the drive, shining bright in their eyes, and the phantom faded into nothing.

The other car stopped and the driver got out. "Need help moving that branch outta the way? Woah, you two look like you've seen a ghost," the man laughed.

Gerard shook his head and looked back at (YN) sympathetically. "Well, it is Halloween."

~

A few months later (YN) and Gerard had settled into their new place. There was nothing in the new place that (YN) would describe as too good to be true. Their commutes were longer, they had to go to the laundromat to do laundry, and they were paying more in rent, but they were together and they finally had peace. And that was worth every penny.

“Hey Gee,” (YN) said as she padded into the living room one Saturday afternoon, holding something behind her back.

“Yea sugar?”

“So I’ve been working on something. I’m not sure it’s any good, but I think it’s finally ready for you to look at.”

Gerard sat up and looked up at her curiously. “What is it?” (YN) handed him a binder. “The Haunting on Holy Name Hill."

“A long time ago, back when we first met, you said I should try writing or drawing if I’m interested in it because you never know when inspiration will strike, and since moving out of that awful place I’ve been trying to wrap my head around everything that happened. So I started writing about it," she shrugged. "I fictionalized some of the events and changed our names, but can you read it and tell me if it’s any good?”

“(YN) I’m so proud of you,” he said with a smile as he got up and wrapped her in a hug. “I’m gonna read it right now.”

“If you insist. I’m gonna go to the laundromat.”

A while later when (YN) came back, Gerard wasn’t on the couch where she’d left him. “Hey Gee, did you finish reading it yet?”

“Yep,” she heard him reply as he came back from the second bedroom they’d set up as his office. “And I have something to show you too.”

“What’s that?”

“First of all, wow, the story is so well written!” he grinned.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously, you’re a natural! And second, look,” he said handing her a stack of drawings.

“What are these?”

“I was thinking, if you want, we could pitch your story as a graphic novel and these are some drawings I did when I was reading it. This is your character, this one is me.”

“Gee, these are amazing! And you really think that it’s publishable?”

“I really do,” he nodded.

“Ok yea, let’s do it. Other than being the place where we met, there should be some kind of good that comes from that awful place. And maybe serve as a warning to everyone else about things that seem too good to be true."

[adultswim2021]

The Brak Show #1: “Leave It To Brak” (AKA “Mr. Bawk Ba Gawk”) December 21, 2000 - 5:15AM | S01E01 regular series version aired October 7, 2001 @ 11:00PM

I’m trying to break the habit of assuming only my friends are reading my various blogs, but I failed in one fundamental way: I didn’t really describe the premise of Sealab 2021, like, at all. Despite digging into it’s roots somewhat by watching it’s various pilots, I failed to include even a paragraph with the basic premise of the show. I’ll try not to make the same mistake with Brak. Instead I'll make a DIFFERENT mistake by writing way too long of a blog entry.

On December 21, 2000, after Sealab 2021, The Brak Show, then titled “Leave It To Brak” debuted. Who the fuck is Brak? Brak began life as a villain on the 1960s iteration of Space Ghost, a fairly garden-variety Saturday morning action kid’s show. He appeared in, I wanna say, a very small handful of episodes. I’ve seen the whole series, and I don’t think he was like, a regular or anything. Without looking it up I'll say he was on it twice. In the show he was a space pirate and had whiskers. He has a very memorable design. I’ve never been sure if we’re actually looking at Brak’s face or if he’s wearing a helmet. His fangs imply that we’re looking at his actual face (or at least his actual jaw), but that little curtain thing that hangs down from his, uh, ears? Is that a naturally occurring part of his head? It suggests that his wardrobe is actually his body, and vice-versa. He just looks absurd, making him perfect fodder for an absurdist revision.

Brak as we know him today was first used (barring some kind of Cartoon Network commercial that I’m unaware of) in Space Ghost Coast to Coast, appearing with Sisto. Sisto is his twin brother who appeared in the 60s show. Why Brak was targeted for comedic revision and not Sisto eludes me. I’m guessing “HI MY NAME IS BRAK” just sounds funnier than “HI MY NAME IS SISTO”. Anyway, in the first Coast to Coast episode they are voiced by C. Martin Croker (RIP) doing a Beavis and Butt-head parody. Eventually Andy Merrill took over the role, basically turning Brak into a, uh, childish adult. Okay, he’s basically doing a retarded guy voice. Sorry, but it’s time to grow up.

Space Ghost Coast to Coast debuted in 1994 and remained a cult hit on the network until it was moved to Adult Swim and eventually canceled in 2004. The concept of Space Ghost Coast to Coast was Space Ghost, a super hero from the 60s, now hosts a modern 90s late night talk show, interviewing live-action celebrities on a monitor that hangs over the set. Random obscure Space Ghost villains would show up with skewed personalities from their original 60s counterpart. Brak was easily the runaway star of the touted rogues gallery. He would come in and cheerfully sing a song about beans or something else equally wacky. He rarely had a definable role on the show, he was just a figure that was around and would wander into the set.

A second 90s Space Ghost spin-off was commissioned called Cartoon Planet. This was an actual kiddy show that aired during the day as opposed to Space Ghost Coast to Coast which was kid-friendly but meant for adults. This time Space Ghost, Zorak (Space Ghost’s bandleader on Coast to Coast), and Brak would host an hour of classic cartoons, with little absurd skits between segments set in a studio SORTA like the Space Ghost Coast to Coast set but different. LOTS of Brak’s fandom is based on these skits, which were a little more silly and lighthearted than the material on Space Ghost Coast to Coast. The skits were popular enough that they repackaged them into their own half-hour show, sans classic cartoons. This was an early point of confusion for me. Beloved Brak songs turned out to be from Cartoon Planet and NOT Space Ghost Coast to Coast, so I'd tune into Space Ghost wondering if they cut out all the Brak segments or what?

Cartoon Planet would answer viewer letters (conceivably real ones; they DID include various ways to contact “Ghost Planet” at the end of both Space Ghost Coast to Coast and, I’m guessing, Cartoon Planet, which I never did see in it’s original form). They actually answered the reason for Brak’s lack of intelligence (brain-damage caused by Space Ghost, using an actual clip from the 60s show). I bring this up not out of genuine concern for continuity or canon; these aren’t huge concerns for the writers of these shows. The real reason Brak is dumb is because Andy Merrill thought the voice was funny, probably. I bring it up because generally the premise of Space Ghost in the 90s is that even though he IS a super hero with super hero abilities, he’s also an actor who makes cartoons about being a super hero. So, it can be concluded Brak’s brain damage is from a stunt gone wrong and not carried over from the fiction of the show.

The premise of Space Ghost Coast to Coast is that Space Ghost has captured evil villains Zorak and Moltar and is forcing them to work on the show. But they also freely reference their personal lives outside of the show, breaking character. They are actors who are sticking to a premise only when it’s convenient. Yes, it’s fun for the kids to pretend that Space Ghost has enslaved his enemies to work on his talk show, but the reality is that when the camera turns off they all go home to their apartments or wives or whatever. This concept feeds directly into The Brak Show: we aren’t watching Brak’s real home life; Brak, cartoon character and actor, is playing himself in a sitcom. His mom isn’t his real mom. His Dad isn’t his real dad. Zorak isn’t his real best-friend. They are all actors. This isn’t played up in any significant way on the show itself except for a few moments and certain episodes, but THAT IS WHAT’S HAPPENING and you wouldn’t really understand that just by watching this episode and nothing else. You would have to have been paying attention all this time to Space Ghost Coast to Coast, Cartoon Planet, and also, yes, Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak.

Okay, Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak isn't REALLY required viewing for this series. But guess what? I watched it for the first time ever in preparation for this and now we all have to deal with Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak. Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak (sorry I keep repeating the full title which is Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak) was a two-episode special presentation that aired on Cartoon Network while Space Ghost was on hiatus and before The Brak Show's stealth premiere. It (Brak Presents The Brak Show Starring Brak, that is) was a Sonny and Cher style variety show, featuring Brak and Zorak on stage together performing songs, intentionally corny sketches, and a LITTLE BIT, but NOT A LOT of backstage drama; which could be argued to have been part of the show itself. Variety shows doing sketches fictionalizing the backstage antics of the production is nothing new. There are also live-action integrated celebrities, and the show comes to a screeching halt whenever they show up. Maybe their performances are hampered by having to perform on a green screen, but these segments come off lame and pandering. Space Ghost Coast to Coast would make it's name featuring washed-up, kitschy, or counter-culture celebrities. Here we are treated to Monica, Freddie Prinze Jr. (whose segment in particular really drives me up a wall), some wrestler guy, and a lady who's name I don't remember. Okay, I admit I fast forwarded through the second of the two episodes a LOT. Sitting through one episode in real time was just too much to bear.

Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak is written off by a lot of Brak fans as a substandard product, and they're not wrong. I myself never sought out the whole special until I started writing this blog. But there's one thing I'll give it, the visuals (minus the live-action celebrity parts) are actually pretty fun. There's a lot of weird character designs, and the same playful use of stock footage and kinetic editing from Cartoon Planet carries over into this. Skipping past the celebrity guests and watching the special on mute would be the preferred viewing method here. Honestly, I've never been that charmed by Brak's songs. I never cared much for Cartoon Planet.

Brak Presents the Brak Show Staring Brak eventually became The Brak Show, but with one more step: a scrapped audio-only pilot. This pilot appears as an audio commentary track on The Brak Show Volume 1 DVD set. I discovered it by accident. In preparation for this blog I popped the DVD in, saw there was commentary for Mr. Bawk Ba Gawk, and pressed play. Instead of Andy Merrill and Pete Smith dryly talking about their creative process, I was treated to what would have been the audio for a Brak Show pilot (there are stage directions being read in lieu of visuals), roughly the length of an 11 minute episode. This version plays up the backstage antics of Brak's variety show much more, kinda like Larry Sanders meets Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak. Returning from the show is Brak and Zorak, along with Allen Wrench, a talking Allen wrench that appeared in Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak. On Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak, Allen had a crazy high-pitched voice. In this audio pilot he sounds closer to Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Also present in the audio pilot is Thundercleese, who curiously sounds like the regular series version of Thundercleese. In “Leave it to Brak”, Thundercleese sounds slightly different. Maybe they went back and rerecorded Thundercleese for the DVD?

That FINALY brings us to the actual episode. “Leave it to Brak” was the first episode of “The Brak Show” proper to air (though if I remember correctly from what was reported way back when, they wanted to call the actual show “Leave It To Brak” but couldn't for legal reasons). It feels more like a first episode than Goldfish does, which was the first episode I saw when Adult Swim officially began in 2001. “Leave it to Brak” introduces each character with fake studio audience applause. They even introduce Sisto, who simply walks in front of the camera, farts, and is not seen again. The premise of the show is this: Brak stars in a family sitcom. His mom belongs to the same species as Brak, but his dad is a tiny human voiced by George Lowe doing a Ricky Ricardo voice. According to this episode; Brak is roughly high-school aged, but it's all a pretense to get this cast of weirdos together under one roof. Again, Brak is a cartoon character playing himself here, so we're not meant to actually think these are his real parents; Brak is not half-human, necessarily. It's all just for the sake of this dumb show.

The plot of the episode is this: Zorak, Brak's best friend and worst influence, convinces Brak to help him kidnap the mascot of their rival high school, a chicken named Mr. Bawk Ba Gawk. Having done this, Brak grapples with the morality of his actions, tries to deceive his parents by dressing the chicken up like a little man, is caught, and is taught a lesson. There's a comedic final scene that reverses the lesson Brak supposedly learned, and then it ends. Somewhere in there we are introduced to Brak's giant robot neighbor who blows up Zorak for ripping up his lawn.

The Brak Show was possibly the most anticipated show when Adult Swim was announced. We all quietly ignored how much Brak Presents The Brak Show Starring Brak sucked; mostly because this was touted to be a show for adults. Afterall, Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak's biggest shortcoming was the fact that it was the first Brak-centric product to pander directly to children. Brak was always seen as a uniquely weird creation that just so happened to appeal to kids, kinda like Pee Wee Herman or Joe Camel. Also the idea of parodying the sitcom genre seemed novel, despite the fact that it wasn't really a new idea. Now it just comes off like a shallow observation: boy, old sitcoms sure were corny, right?

I don't know exactly how to pinpoint what was so disappointing about this show. I can see there was a genuine effort to make it funny. Dad was a decently funny character. They weren't just trying to mock sitcoms, they were trying to build a genuinely strange world that resembled our own. Brak lived in the suburbs but there were aliens and robots everywhere. Sci-fi situations casually reared their ugly heads into the lives of these characters. I mean, look at the plot description of Brak stealing a high school mascot; it's an ACTUAL SITCOM PLOT. There's no real subversion to it other than the fact that Brak and Zorak from Space Ghost Coast to Coast are doing it. This could have been decent as a one-off special like Tim & Eric's Bag Boy staring Steve Brule. But they made more.

Oh wait, I figured out why The Brak Show sorta sucked. It's the fact that the show was a musical. Fuck, I hated that so much that I blocked it out of my head until this moment. Every episode had musical numbers in it sung by Brak and the family. Ugh. They were supposed to be funny nonsense but I never liked it. In fact if there were ever an edit of the show without the songs I would probably remember it much more fondly.

This version of the pilot had very simplistically drawn backgrounds. When the show went to series they redid the backgrounds with photo-realistic settings and props. It's a much more appealing look. This version of the pilot was briefly featured in an episode of Sealab, where Murphy was flipping through the channels on his monitor. He flips past this and Aqua Teen Hunger Force and maybe Space Ghost? This was back in the early days when every show seemed like it was connected to each other. I miss that. The “regular series” of The Brak Show used to give the show a different parodic on-screen title; “Mr. Bawk Ba Gawk”, which aired fifth on Adult Swim, had the opening title “B.J. And the Brak”. “Goldfish” used “Leave It To Brak”, which causes some episode guides to get confused over which episode is which. In fact, Adult Swim's website features the pilot version of this show and incorrectly uses the plot summary for “Goldfish”. I'm not linking to it because the listing says it expires today. But go look for it if you want.

The other big difference between this version and the “regular series” version is there are a few missing bits here and there. For example, the pilot version starts with Dad asking Mom for another biscuit. She sighs and says “maybe later”, to which dad just shrugs off. There's also a cut song I call “Kiss you hot” that dad sings to mom. There's probably other differences here and there. Oh, Brak's clock is the beeflog illustration from Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak. Isn't my life fuller for being able to make that connection? God, I'm so glad I watched Brak Presents the Brak Show Staring Brak last night instead of getting an extra hour of sleep.

So what's good in this? I REALLY like the scene where Bawk Ba Gawk is at the dinner table and everyone keeps stealing his little hat to wear. Mom scolds Dad for wearing the hat, to which he mutters “I'll do what I damn well please”. Mom then plucks the hat from his head. When we cut to the wide shot, she's wearing it. Funny! SOLIDLY VERY FUNNY. But the series generally suffers from them trying to cram in weird pointless bits of absurd comedy. Only sometimes does it work. Not sure why. But that's how it goes, I guess.

[bloomeng]

MDZS/Hogwarts au Headcanons

This au is a classic, but per usual I have opinions so here we go. (Also let’s pretend we do not see you know who)

All the patronuses are based on the official list and descriptions (I’ll leave the link below).

Wei Wuxian:

Gryffindor

Do I even need to make an arguement for this??

Patronus: Crow or Dolphin (I genuinely can’t decide)

Has friends in all houses and floats around among the tables in the great hall

Has been in all the houses common rooms tho

Probably good at most subjects, but he is amazing at defense against the dark arts

Definitely plays Quidditch, and is definitely the seeker too

Y’know typical over-achiver, star of the show, but without really trying

Steals books from the resticted section, not because he wants to read them, just because he was told they were off limits

He also steals food from the kitchen on his way back from the Hufflepuff common room (visiting Yanli ofc)

Is the kid that looses all of the points for his house, which means he also has most of the names in trophy room memorized (just from the sheer amount of time he’s had to clean them in detention)

Curfew is more of a suggestion, in his opinion nightime is the best time to roam the castle

He’s ended up in the hospital wing so many times that he basically has a bed reserved

Jiang Cheng:

Gryffindor

Between the loyalty, courage, ambition to “attempt the impossible,” and secret heart of gold, he could rival wwx’s Gryffindor spirit

Patronus: Chow Dog

Grumpily follows around during his misadeventures to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself

Or rather he’s the one who drags wwx’s ass to the hospital wing when he does hurt himself

Only one out of the trio (wwx, nhs, jc) who actaully studies

Hates divination, thinks it’s all a hoax, and it bugs the crap out of him that nhs actually belives in it

Is the captain of the Quidditch team, started as a chaser but now he’s the keeper

Was chosen to be a prefect

His favorite perk is the fancy bathtub, which nhs has definitely bribed him to gain access to

Shares his dorm with wwx, and he’s always complaining how he has to drag him out of bed

Lan Wangji:

Ravenclaw

He do be out here being super creative with that Guqin, and also owning our asses with his intelligence

Patronus: Wild Rabbit

I’d estimate that he spent 90% of the first 3 years of school in the library

Insert intense glaring at wwx as he tries to sneak into the restricted section

Somehow missed that wwx played Quidditch until his brother dragged him to a game

Needless to say he never missed a Gryffindor game after that

Somehow he managed to score one point off of a perfect grade on his OWL

Y’all already know he’d be a prefect, do I even need to say it

His favorite place in the castle is the window seat in Ravenclaw tower

Pretends to protest wwx sneaking into his common room

Imagine: Wangxian Hogsmeade dates and wwx trying to get him to wear his Quidditch jersey

Lan Xichen:

Hufflepuff

Although I feel like you could make a strong case for Ravenclaw, but the compassion and open-mindedness wins out

Patronous: White Swan

Professors love him, even Snape manages to tolerate him, probably by his 5th year he’s friends with half his professors

His favorite class is herbology but he’s also really good at charms and transfiguration

Owns an owl that he shares with his brother that he named something dumb like “Harold”

Has the Daily Prophet delievered every morning, and always thanks “Harold”

He grew up in a pure blood family so he is fascinated by muggle culture, and he is constantly asking jgy questions

Once jgy shared music from his ipod (yknow like one of the og ipods) and it blew his mind

Probably tried to help the house elves in the kitchen at some point, but was kicked out because he caused more damage then actual help

Somehow he was made a prefect in his fourth year???

He just roots for the under dog in Quidditch games, which often leads to a friendly competition between he and his brother (Gryffindor is never the underdog, not with wwx and jc on the team)

Nie Huaisang:

Slytherin

Again do I even need to make a case for this???

Patronus: Sparrow

Doesn’t even try and hide the fact that he let’s wwx and jc into the Slytherin common room

Often sits at the Gryffindor table because he wants to sit with wwx and jc

Instead of studying, he is constantly trying to find ways to cheat by designing bewitched items

By his 7th year he has his own business selling his cheats

His favorite class is divination, everyone assumes it’s because he’s a believer, but in reality he finds the subject hilarious and he’s amazed how a scam can go so far as to have a full educational class dedicated to it

Forged his brother’s signature on the Hogsmeade form, because Mingjue told him he wasn’t allowed to go if he was failing a class

Can’t fly a broom for the life of him

Barely passed his OWLS

In general he’s far more concerned with gossip and playing match-maker then doing any of this school work (who do you think told lxc to bring lwj to a Gryffinsor Quidditch game??)

(My monkey Xiyao controled brain likes to think that he’s been trying to set the two of them up for years, but that might just be me)

Jin Guangyao:

Slytherin

AGAIN do I really need to explain my thought process on this??? He’s cunning and manipulative, case closed, I do not take critism

Patronus: Grass Snake

Struggles in conjouring magic, but makes up for it in written work and testing

In general he works very hard and is most likely top of his class, despite the lack of natural ability

His favorite class is potions, because it’s simply a matter of following directions

The first friend he made was lxc after realizing as first years that they had really similar class schedules and decided to study together

His mother was a muggle, and thus he was raised in the muggle world, so there’s a lot of prejudice from his housemates

Every once in awhile he’ll quietly ask lxc to explain something about the wizarding world

To the annoyance of his house, he was made a prefect

Somewhere along the way he befriended nhs

The relationship dynamic is as follows: jgy forces nhs to study, while nhs forces him to come with him to Hogsmeade (mainly so that he doesn’t have to pay for his own food)

Jiang Yanli:

Hufflepuff

She’s just so sweet, compassionate, and kind not to be a Hufflepuff

Patronus: Doe

Her favorite classes are Herbology and Care for Magical Creatures

She’s really good with animals

She read that you were allowed to bring an animal and immediately went out to buy a cat

Buys wwx snacks on the Hogwarts Express, even though she made him lunch

She brought a phonograph and a collection of records from home, and set it up in the common room

No one knows where it came from, but people started to slowly add to the collection of records

Now the common room is just constantly filled with music

Lxc knows it was her, but he didn’t see the harm in letting it stay, so he let it be (plus he also enjoys music)

She goes to Quidditch games and roots for Gryffindor despite... not being in Gryffindor (she’s a supportive sister)

Spent most of her 4th year stopping wwx from fighting Jin Zixuan (the year before she started dating him)

She really do be living the cliche dream of the Hufflepuff/Slytherin relationship

Jin Zixuan:

Slytherin

He’s the typical pompous, preppy, asshole, that people assiociate with Slytherins

Patronus: Peacock

The first thing he did when he got to Hogwarts was set up his side of the dorm room to make it more up to his “standards”

His dad tried to convince him to play Quidditch, but he refused

Basically ignores jgy’s existence.... even though they’re in the same house

Loathes herbology because it requires getting his hands dirty

Is racist(?) towards muggleborns

He always has a mob of girls surrounding him at all times, yet doesn’t know how to properly process his own feelings for Yanli

I’d say he’s trying his best but that would be a lie, he thinks he’s doing the most though

He takes school very seriously, and he scored pretty well on his OWLS

One time in potions something went wrong and his potion blew up in his face quite literally, and wwx hasn’t let him live that down

Xue Yang:

Slytherin

He is bad man grrrrrr and a sly bastard, so ofc he’s the house of snek

Patronus: Weasel

Everyone hates him, his professors, his housemates, even the ghosts avoid him

Except Peeves, in fact Peeves love him

Probably because he’s constantly messing with people

He’s the only person to rival wwx’s detention record

He is fantastic at defense against the dark arts

He likes to mess with Trelawney by purposely making death omens in his readings

He just doesn’t do assignments, yet does really well on exams and passes???

Snape would vouch for him, that’s the vibe I get

He plays as a beater on his Quidditch team, and he’s known for knocking people out

Xiao Xingchen:

Hufflepuff

He’s kind, selfless, and is always trying to see the good in people, which screams Hufflepuff

Patronus: Dragonfly

Is really good with charms

Even though he’s of age, he hates appariting and will do a lot to avoid it

Runs group study sessions, with the help of sl

A big activist in freeing house elves working for old families

Stops to have full conversations with the paintings

Is the only person in the school that tries to be friendly to Xue Yang

Song Lan:

Ravenclaw

He seems to have that very principled and intelligent nature of a Ravenclaw

Patronus: Dun Stallion

He doesn’t really have a lot of friends outside of xxc, but he doesn’t seem to mind

He’s that one person who actually enjoys professor Binns’ History of Magic class

He lets xxc drag him to Hogsmeade, even though the crowded shops make him uncomfortable

Shh it’s a secret but he also has a major sweet tooth and he will buy a shit ton of candy

Because of his scary amount of knowledge of Hogwarts and its history, he managed to find the room of requirement

So he and xxc end up moving their study sessions there when their group size outgrows the library

Anyway that’s all for now, but if you have a request be sure to ask!

Anyway I’m proud of the patronus choices I made for these, mostly. I know that it’s inevitable that someone will disagree with the house placements, so just note that these are purely my opinons.

Patronus info link:

[curiocrab]

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS

I have seen plenty of hot takes and crummy opinions about this situation and I wanna talk about it.

HOW THEY ARE NOW: WHAT IS THIS?

These are some new “hip” “hello-fellow-kids” teen superheroes by Marvel. ““Safespace”” (who i’ll call “Pink” for now) is a “big, burly, sort of stereotypical jock” as described by their official bio and can create force fields for anyone but himself. ““Snowflake”” (who i’ll call “Blue” for now) is non-binary and can create ice shuriken. From the bio, we know that their story will be them dealing with the social issues surrounding the non binary community.

This would be good IF that wasn’t the only characterization they had. Instead, Blue and Pink are described in their bio as being obnoxious social geniuses, “hyper aware of modern culture and optics”, and just for extra “rEliaBiLITy”, as quoted from their official bio, “They’re probably streaming this.” They feel like what older people think is cool with the kids, like a PSA mascot who punches drug addiction in the face and flies away with his catchphrase “Don’t do drugs, Fam!” or “Drugs are NOT LIT, ok boomer?”

Correct me if i’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure nobody would want the only major representatives of their community in an otherwise oppressive and excessively masculine field to be unlikable douche bags. Why can’t they just be normal, maybe even (heavens forbid) LIKABLE characters with real human emotions and experiences?

We don’t have much more than their bio’s to draw from but we do have a picture and you know what they say, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

THIS is OFFICIAL ART from the OFFICIAL WEBSITE!

WTH!?

Correct me if i’m wrong, but THIS looks like a weak, frail, surprisingly feminine non-binary person turning to their strong, confident, masculine partner for comfort and protection because they’re too weak to face their own problems. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought the nature of safe spaces is not to patronize and baby people but to support and encourage.

This is ENTIRELY CONTRARY to the message Marvel is trying to put forth! If they’re trying to support and display the community as strong and worthy of recognition, THIS is not doing that AT ALL! What’s gonna happen is comic readers uneducated in this field will see this character, hate them because they’re unlikable, and see non-binary people as weak and in need of a masculine pillar of protection.

This is HORRIBLE representation.

I would like to propose what they COULD have done and maybe, still can be done to save these characters.

FIXING THEM: PHYSICALLY

I have seen many videos critiquing and bashing these characters and I found them to be … misguided (I won’t name names). People have expressed dissatisfaction with their powers and designs, comparing them to other marvel heroes.

This is unfair. these characters are just kids. they don’t have to have Hulk or even spider man level power. They are crime fighting teens, working the small time, not universe-devouring god-killers. I think these limited powers are cool and interesting. They necessitate creative and interesting combat and problem solving.

In action it could be like this, Blue is agile and mainly on offense, dealing tons of damage and applying pressure, hardly worrying about defense. This is because Pink runs alongside them, keeping up and fending for himself as he casts barriers for Blue when necessary based off their psychic synchronization.

Alternatively, Pink could be on the offense while Blue darts around, getting in the enemies way so that Pink could cast a barrier over Blue. It would effectively be an agile shield orbiting and protecting Pink who deals massive damage without much concern in regards to defense. Blue could keep up some pressure and add chip damage from behind the barrier with their shuriken.

Their design on the other hand, is honestly dumb

They’ve got soft, boring silhouettes that are far too similar. The skin tight clothes are classic marvel style but are super outdated and honestly the worst. The matching hair is dumb and stupid.

I have seen some alternate designs by other more talented artists. Unfortunately, some of them are horrible and betray the characters and their overall message.

It’s very well made and the artist is super talented, but it plays into the hyper sexual old Marvel comics and makes Blue ultra feminine, something i’m sure the original artist and writer where desperate not to do, instead making Blue into an amorphous lump.

I have made my own redesign that I hope is closer to the writer and artist’s vision.

I gave them stark contrast and distinguished silhouettes. I tried hard to give the two of them more personality. Hopefully, you can all agree that it’s better than the original.

That was pretty simple, but now, I’ve got to do something about their douchbagieness

FIXING THEM: CHARACTER-WISE

To begin, let’s get better names. I saw some awesome new names from SpyV on youtube in their video “Redesigning “Snowflake” and “Safespace” | Marvel’s New Warriors Blunder”. The names they used were “Hail” for “Snowflake” and “Haven” for “Safespace”.

Now for their story. I don’t want them to feel like hokey PSA mascots, spouting slogans to the youth like “Be nice” or “Don’t be homophobic”. I want them to be actual people and characters.

These two are students at highschool. (grade 11/12) Haven is a crowd pleasing jock, valued for his physical ability and his participation on the football team. Though not exceptional, his stature and teamwork skills make him an invaluable asset that everyone loves out of necessity more than anything else.

Hail is as witty, snappy, confident person who stands up for their immediate friend group and the LGBT+ community in their school. They are still subject to the social conflicts and abuse that arise due to being non-binary in the socially harsh highschool environment. Due to the constant micro-aggression, Hail has grown abrasive and unapproachable as a self defense mechanism. The only person they can be genuine with is their brother, Haven.

These two share a psychic bond that allows a deep level of emotional sympathy between the two. Hail vents to Haven and relies on his emotional support. Haven tries his best to help but Hail’s circumstance is so different from his own that he can’t do much more than listen and accept Hail for who they are. Haven provides a safe space where Hail can be genuine, recuperate, and process their emotions during the tumultuous time that is highschool.

Hail is supported by Haven’s acceptance rather than his confidence and masculinity. Haven never white-knights for Hail and tries to solves their problems for them but, rather, provides support, acceptance, and encouragement, allowing Hail to fight their own battles.

Maybe, later on in their arc -  hear me out here - Haven discovers that he is gay and is thus ostracized by his peers at school and their roles are reversed. Hail must be a supportive and encouraging figure for Haven as his world changes around him.

In regards to their super hero team, perhaps someone in the team could act as a foil to Hail, being maybe not so subtly anti-LGBT+.(*cough*cough-screentime-cough*cough*) Maybe Haven is gay for one of the other members (B negative maybe?) and the feeling arn’t mutual and it’s kinda awkward but that’s the whole point. Sometimes, a crush is just a crush and it’s not meant to be and that’s part of growing up.

In the end, they both graduate and realize that all the drama from their school days is gone. They realize how big the world is and move forward, forging a better world.

CONCLUSION

I really hope that those comics arn’t absolute garbage and the LGBT+ community can get some decent representation. Correct me for anything weird or inaccurate I said. Please don’t obliterate the writers or the artists. Thanks for reading.

[allnewalldifferentwildspider]

Why I Dumped...RWBY

If there’s one thing I’ve learned being in fandom is that the audience is not allowed to dictate creative changes to someone else’s work. That is not your place. The trade-off is that you don’t have to be a member of that audience. Once I learned that, I decided that if a series pissed me off one too many times, I would just straight up dump it. Adios, amigo. Go piss someone else off with your shit stories. There are a hundred other things I could be doing with my time. 

When I tell people this, they usually get defensive because sometimes the show I dumped happens to be a show they really like. Which is fine. If it works for you, great. Have fun. But we all have our tastes and personal preferences. 

Sometimes that just isn’t enough for people. They have to know why you would insult them (I’m not and neither are you) by not liking something they like. I doubt most care. Some people just want to be offended. However, there have been some people who are genuinely curious. Usually people who are neutral to whatever show I dumped. They have no dog in this fight; they just want to see my train of thought. 

So you asked for it and here it is. This is my new blog post series where I talk about why I dumped a series. Let’s see if my story and logic will help you see things from my perspective. Let me be clear, I’m not trying to convince you to change your mind. This is just the story of why I made this decision. If you like this series good for you. I don’t. It’s my opinion and I’m allowed to have one same as you.

 We’re going to start off big with RWBY.

For me, RWBY started off as one of those things I kinda heard about on the internet, but never really knew what it was. Then it was on Neftlix and I decided to check out what it actually was. It was a CGI webseries made by the same company that did Red VS Blue led by the guy who did those weird Dead Fantasy videos on YouTube. I watched the first two volumes (because they just can’t be called seasons. We have to be all special and shit) and I wasn’t sure what to think of it. I guess my brain needed time to process it. I watched it again with my brother and then I started volume three on my own. After the volume three finale, I stopped watching and just kept tabs on the show before losing interest completely. There are several reasons that just piled up together so let’s just start at the beginning.

I just don’t think the show is very good.

It was a fucking chore to watch volume one again with my brother. Like holy crap, why wasn’t the show this bad the first time I saw it? Was it going to suck this hard with every viewing? (SPOILER ALERT: The answer is yes.) A lot of the character models look really pale. The animation can be wonky or jittery. The voice acting goes from bad to passable. The pacing is wack. The story is barely told. We spend way too much time on Jaune even though we already have FOUR main characters we have to be tackling. And this is a pet peeve of mine, but they gave names to things that already have names.

semblance = super power

aura = energy

Grimm = monsters

Why won’t anyone just call super powers super powers?

Anyway, those were my initial thoughts. A recurring thought I have about RWBY is, “The idea is adequate but the execution is lacking.” Someone asked me what that meant. Really? Really? You don’t know what words mean? Google it. Your ideas are okay, but the way you’re doing them sucks.

So if I hated the show so much, why did I stick with it after volume one? I liked the characters. I fell in love with Yang. She’s all my favorite parts of female characters put together in one awesome package. A blonde busty badass babe that beats a bunch of baddies? Sign me the fuck up. (Alliteration is fun, kids.) Thanks to some really good fan art, I also started to ship Arkos, Renora, White Rose and Roman Ice Cream (or gelato or partners in crime or whatever it’s called). I wanted to see more Yang and I wanted to see if I would get a payoff after investing so much time. 

I didn’t.

The story goes all over the place. It introduces a bunch of new ideas but never sticks around to develop one. I’ve lost track of how the world works and what our goals are. They created side videos called, “The World of RWBY” that explains that shit. That’s another sign of bad writing. Supplemental material to understand what is going on in the story isn’t fun; it’s homework. More importantly, I shouldn’t have to. It should be organically in the story itself. But it wasn’t because this crew doesn’t know how to. It’s just not there.

Pyrrha’s Death

The main reason I stopped watching after the season three finale. I understand that everyone wants to do their own version of Empire Strikes Back or Avengers: Infinity War. The big battle where the good guys lose. I have several problems with this though. 

1. I agree with Linkara that the only reason you should kill a character is if you’ve ran out of stories to tell with that character. Cheap drama should not be your goal. The problem with shock value is that it only lasts for a second. 

2. You should never kill a fan favorite. That’s how you lose audiences i.e. money. You don’t sell your golden goose, and you don’t kill your cash cow.

I don’t believe that Pyrrha had ran out of stories to tell with her character. Pyrrha was killed just to further Jaune’s story arc which sucks because I barely liked Jaune. I shipped Arkos because I wanted good things for Pyrrha, and really, who doesn’t?

This unfortunately common trope is Stuffed into the Fridge, where female characters are killed for the sole purpose of a male character’s story. It doesn’t matter if Pyrrha was the best warrior in the class or had friends who could have helped her or she could have just ran away or anything really. Pyrrha, my second favorite character, was killed off to jump start Jaune’s character development. Fuck you, Rooster Teeth. And the worst part is, I heard that this was always the plan for Pyrrha. If you have to rely on a trope from 1994, you’re probably not a good writer.

I cancelled my Crunchyroll subscription, and a few people told me to get the fuck over it. 

No. My time. My money. Not interested.

Yang wasn’t ‘for me,’ apparently

This one has a little less to do with the show and more with the fandom (or FNDM, because we have to be all special here). Like I said earlier, I fell in love with Yang. She became my number one waifu instantly. She had everything I liked. Big boobs, long legs, blonde hair, fiery personality, loved to kick ass, loved martial arts, had a great zest for life. It’s like that song lyric, “You are everything I want ‘cause you’re everything I’m not.” I know it’s super embarrassing but I would fantasize about being a character in RWBY and being Yang’s boyfriend. Whenever I would work out I would say it was because I was training to be Yang’s husband. I know it’s lame, but that’s how enamored I was. 

Hell, Yang was the reason I even considered watching RWBY in the first place. I only discovered her thanks to that episode of Death Battle where she beat Tifa.

Then bumblebee happened. 

People on tumblr have this thing where they like to decide what someone else’s character’s sexuality and gender is regardless of the canon. Do whatever you want. The problem was that I am a straight, cis, heterosexual Hispanic male with a tumblr account who likes a character who mostly shipped with another female character. So whenever I try to get matchups or headcanons or imagines, I’m usually ignored. I’m a big boy. I can handle that. What does get under my skin is people going out of their way to tell me that Yang isn’t for me. Like I’m not allowed to like her. When you’ve already lived most of your life with other people telling you that the things you want were never really for you, that sorta thing kinda hits you in the wrong side of the feels. Yang is for bumblebee and bumblee shippers only. I’m over it, but still not cool.

Now I’m hearing that Rooster Teeth might make bumblebee canon to appease the fans. No artistic integrity. I guess I was wrong. The audience is allowed to dictate creative changes if you’re Rooster Teeth. It doesn’t help that Blake is my least favorite character in the series. 

I was upset when Adam cut off her arm in the end of volume three. It didn’t help that it was the same episode that Pyrrha died. Two birds with one stone and all that. I’m glad somebody made a supercut of Yang’s volume four story on YouTube. That was good to watch. It was kinda like Korra’s story in the beginning of Book Four (ugh, just call them seasons!) except with a fraction of the talent.

I haven’t watched anything beyond that, but I have heard of a few things. I’m glad Adam is dead, but that’s about it.

So that’s mostly why I dumped RWBY. Sorry if it was too much, but thanks for reading. Do I miss the show? Not really. I do miss Pyrrha, Yang, and the fan art. Will I ever go back to RWBY? Sorry but no. That’s not how that works. The damage has been done.

tl;dr version

I dumped RWBY because:

I didn’t think it was very good to begin with.

They killed my second favorite character for a shit reason.

My favorite character isn’t ‘for me’ according to everyone else.

[putschki1969]

Hello, Sara. My name is Claire and I am also a huge fan of Kalafina. In the light of their disband (I dont wanna use this word this makes me sad :( ), I still listen their music every single day. With all my Kalafina enthusiasm, your detail information about Kalafina was really helpful and cleared few things up in my mind. While I have been reading your posts, there are a lot of your thoughts and feelings toward Kalafina that I agree with. So I do appreciate your effort and kindness.

Okay, this is my first time I am using tumblr. didnt know they have limited number of words. So my question is that I know you posted that why Yuki Kajiura left Space Craft due the change of her manager if I remember correctly. And the manager did not allow Kajiura to make music in her own preferences. Do you think this intervention affected Kajiura’s work afterwards. Because when far on the water was released, I thought the way she composes music was a lot different than before.

Hello Claire!

Yes, disbandment does sound very final so it’s really not a word I enjoy hearing in relation to Kalafina. However, I understand why Space Craft decided to use that term. It was time for them to make a clear cut so they could move forward.

No matter what, I am positive that one day they will stand on stage together (even if it is just for a single reunion-live). It will probably take years but it’s definitely going to happen.

Just like you I still listen to Kalafina and their solo projects regularly. I know some people find it painful to relive the old days but I personally find nothing but joy diving into Kalafina’s world again and again.

I am really glad my posts have been helpful. After all, spreading Kalafina-love is the sole purpose of this blog.

Yeah, sorry, Tumblr has quite a lot of character-limits when it comes to asks/messages/replies. Unlike many other social media platforms, Tumblr has not been designed with a focus on interaction (which is probably one of the reasons I chose to create my blog here XD).

Yes, Yuki’s long-time manager Mori ended up leaving Space Craft which in turn led to Yuki ending her contract as well. He had always given her some measure of free rein to do what she wanted. Generally speaking they have always been pretty close. In many of her old and new interviews Yuki talks a lot about wanting to have full control over what she creates. Which is why she was super excited to get the Kalafina project for Kara no Kyoukai. Space Craft put their faith in her and as we know, Yuki spun them gold. That’s not to say that she had control over everything. Creatively speaking, yes, I think she was allowed to make whatever she felt was best. However, the concept of Kalafina as we know them is almost entirely Space Craft’s brainchild. Yuki never meant to form a group with steady members and she definitely did not intend for the singers themselves to have so much spotlight. Let’s not forget, for Yuki, vocalists are really nothing more than human instruments. That’s totally fine of course but Space Craft knew that Kalafina wouldn’t have had a long life expectancy if things had gone according to Yuki’s vision. As a business-minded agency they naturally decided to use typical idol marketing strategies to promote Kalafina. It started with little things but gradually Kalafina became more and more “commercial” if you will. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not a bad thing. Good music alone unfortunately isn’t enough to survive in the Japanese music industry, you have to cater to the masses. And that’s what they did. Endless photo-heavy merch, lots of mainstream anime tie-ins, more elaborate stage productions, tons of appearances in popular events/TV programs etc…It’s those things that made their fanbase grow considerably which eventually led to them being able to perform THREE times at Nippon Budokan.

So yeah, what I am trying to say is that while Yuki gradually lost control over Kalafina as a “product” I don’t believe she ever yielded an inch when it came to her creative process. All the music she wrote was written because she wanted to write it, I am convinced of that. She doesn’t strike me as the type of person to phone in her work. Yes, her style has undergone some changes throughout the years (which weren’t always met with appreciation by fans) but for the most part I would say she has stayed faithful to her unique style (which most gifted composers do).

When “far on the water” was produced and released back in 2015 Mori was still Yuki’s manager and everything was perfectly fine. Any changes you might have noticed were absolutely on purpose. No one made Yuki do anything or guided her in a particular direction. This album is entirely her own vision and she loved making it, she has talked a lot about that in various interviews. She was also brimming over with further ideas for a new album which she was eager to produce (but alas, that never happened).

Things didn’t start falling apart until early 2017 when Mori left Space Craft (things didn’t seem to be perfectly peachy in late 2016 either but that’s reaching a bit too far). The changes from then onwards were very visible. Mori stopped being featured in the FictionJunction Club newsletters, the launch of Kalafina’s very own fan club Harmony was announced, all sorts of YK Lives went on hiatus, Kalafina’s 6th studio album which technically would have been due that year was never made, all focus went into increasing Kalafina’s live activities. I cannot say if at that point everyone had already predicted Kalafina’s fate and Space Craft were just milking the cow for all it’s worth or if that was a genuine effort to keep Kalafina alive as long as possible. I am leaning towards something in the middle of these two options. I think everyone involved had hoped for a better ending (or rather - no ending at all) but along the way (autumn 2017 I would say) it became clear to them that it wouldn’t work out.

I never outright said that the new management didn’t allow Yuki to do her own thing. Honestly, I have no idea if whoever replaced Mori was planning to take control of Yuki’s music. I suspect however that the new management might have wanted to take more of a lead which definitely would have put off Yuki… While tabloid articles have talked about creative differences between Yuki and the new manager, Yuki herself has never confirmed that that was the reason for her leaving (not that she ever would even if it were true). Yuki did however confirm in one of her FictionJunction Station newsletters that she no longer felt comfortable going on tour since she didn’t have the people around that she could trust. Maybe for a similar reason she didn’t feel like making a new Kalafina album which is why they had to focus so heavily on live activities that year.We are all creatures of habit. Yuki seems to only feel comfortable with Mori around. That’s fine. The only logical thing to do for her was follow his lead and leave Space Craft. Unfortunately she couldn’t take Kalafina with her so they ended up being collateral damage…*sighs*

And here we have another essay, sorry about that. it wasn’t my intention to write so much. My point is that I believe that in her time with Space Craft nothing/no one affected Yuki’s creative work, from the very first song “oblivious” right up until “Tombo” all songs are 100% Yuki and they were written/composed with much love, effort and dedication. Fans may not like everything she has created throughout the years but that’s just how life works. They have a hard time computing the fact that their favourite composer might have changed to an extent that they can’t appreciate anymore or that they themselves have developed different preferences. In such cases fans are eager to find someone to blame for that. Since they would rather not blame their idol Yuki they resort to blaming Space Craft. Space Craft have certainly done a lot of shitty stuff throughout the years but it would never cross my mind to make them responsible for Yuki’s music because that has always been under her control. 

Really, you shouldn’t be blaming anyone. These things happen, people change, people fall out of love with something. It’s easy to complain and lament the old days but what you have to do is just accept it, move forward and find something else.

[dustedmagazine]

Dust Volume Five, Number 10

The Hammered Hulls

Time again for a load of short, mostly positive reviews of records that caught our attention at least for a little while. This edition is typically wide ranging with free jazz, teen garage pop, piano experiments, acoustic guitar picking and goth-y post punk all jockeying for your ear. It’s not just obscurities this time around either, as Ian Mathers looks for the solid core of the National’s over-long latest, while Jen Kelly makes peace with the Futureheads. Participants besides these two include Bill Meyer, Andrew Forell, Nate Knaebel and Justin Cober-Lake.

CP Unit—Riding Photon Time (Eleatic Records)

Riding Photon Time by CP Unit

CP Unit, an evolving ensemble formed around saxophonist Chris Pitsiokis, exhilarates live, the sound anchored by antic, twitching, faster-than-advisable-but-nailed-anyway bass, complicated patterns of percussion and abstract slashes of guitar. Live, the music is colored rather than dominated, by the urgent, chaotic energy of the proprietor on horn. A late summer set at the Root Cellar in Greenfield, MA left me gasping. Riding Photon Time captures the same band I saw—Pitsiokis, Sam Lisabeth on guitar, Henry Fraser on bass and Jason Nazary on drums (which is different from the line-up Derek Taylor reviewed here )— in two fiery 2018 live settings. The first half of the disc was recorded at the Moers Festival in Germany in May, the second at the Unlimited Music Festival in November. “Once Upon a Time Called Now,” from the earlier set, captures the spare, rippling tension between Pitsiokis’ free-ranging inquiries and Nazary’s intricate but grounded rhythms; they duel for a couple of minutes before the rest of the band enters. The cut also foregrounds Fraser’s restless, rampaging bass work, carving a headlong through line in the squall and storm. “Seasick,” from the November show, gives space to Lisabeth’s guitar, lyrical in a tilted, offkilter way, the tones bouncing off Pitsiokis’ sax melody in loose conjunction and counterpoint. My only complaint is that the mix favors melody, zooming in on the sax and obscuring, somewhat, the fascinating interplay between drum and bass. In most bands, that’d be fine, but in this case, the rhythm is just too good to hide. 

Jennifer Kelly

 Eluvium — Pianoworks (Temporary Residence Ltd)

Matthew Cooper has done enough things under his Eluvium moniker that even those only mildly acquainted with his work might not be surprised that he’s put out an album of solo piano compositions; they might, however, be surprised to find out that Pianoworks is the second such Eluvium album, after 2004’s An Accidental Memory in Case of Death. That record, coming after the striking (and often noisy) debut effort Lambent Material served to establish that Cooper wasn’t going to be restrained by genre, form or instrument. Here, having accomplished an awful lot over the past 15+ years it’s fitting that Cooper appears to be in a more contemplative, even melancholy mood. Whether it’s the gently rippling “Underwater Dream” or the brightly rounded runs of “Carrier 32”, Pianoworks serves as a reminder that Cooper can stop you in your tracks with the simplest of setups, if he chooses. (And for those really a fan of his piano work, the deluxe version features an extra disc of new versions of practically all the previous Eluvium piano pieces as well.)  

Ian Mathers  

 Frieda’s Roses — Jessica Triangle (Mika)

The three women of Frieda’s Roses—that’s Greta Fannin, Ava Miller and Poppy Lang—aren’t even in high school yet; their ages range from 13 to 15. And yet, this debut album, Jessica Triangle, is a marvel of minor key garage pop, raucous and wistful at the same time. Its bristly onslaught of guitars guards a tender center. You also realize, about halfway through the album, that teen girl pop has changed since the last time you looked, and the subject matter here is rather empowered. In a very strong middle section, “Isadora Giving” chides a girl for being too accommodative (“She’s kind in the way of giving things away”), while the stand-out “Lucy Poe” celebrates the complexity and intelligence of a young woman (“She’s happy and not/at the same time.”) “Forever Defend Her Story” recounts the ordinariness of sexual assault and the way women are blamed for it. The songs are bright and dark simultaneously laying in the pretty vocals of, say, Grass Widow, atop a raucous, acerbic foundation. There’s no way you’d know, without reading the coverage, how young this band is. They sound like they’ve been doing it forever.

Jennifer Kelly

 The Futureheads — Powers (Nul)

Back at the old Dusted, I wrote perhaps my most vicious review ever about the Futureheads’ second album, News and Tributes. It was disappointment speaking — I’d genuinely liked their taut, fizzy debut — when I said, “Now, with News and Tributes, the sad truth emerges. The Futureheads were lean from hunger, not discipline. With opportunity, they tend toward the flabbiest sort of excess.” Well, 13 years have passed, and I no longer expect anything from the Futureheads. I’d forgotten they existed, to be honest, but their latest album, Powers, is kind of fun. Much of what made the debut such a pleasure—the tightly wound guitars, the unexpectedly complicated vocal counterparts, the exuberant avowal of depressing ideas—is here, too. “Electric Shock” trips all the wires (ahem) by itself, with its zingy guitar and drum cadence, its densely harmonized vocals and its celebration of an extreme form of mental health therapy (“When I got my electric shock/it knocked me off my feet”). “Jekyll” punches, stings and tantalizes, its hoarse, wracked northern lead pillowed by giddy oohs and ohs. “Can you control your transformations?” asks the singer Barry Hyde, and then the song itself transforms itself, turning into a popcorning cacophony of closely aligned vocals. Even the willfully positive, good time anthem, “Good Night Out” ripples with existential angst; it’s only a feel good song if you don’t listen too closely. And yet, there’s a great deal of joy in these tight, complicated songs. They burst into flames as you listen, leaving spots in your eyes from the brightness and the bitter taste of ash.

Jennifer Kelly

 Hammered Hulls — S/T (Dischord)

S/T by Hammered Hulls

Perhaps it's a bit lazy to toss out the old "super group" appellation; but, come on, if you're even a moderate follower of that thing we call indie rock, you have to recognize the extraordinary line-up of Hammered Hulls for what it is. With DC hardcore royalty Alec MacKaye on vocals, newly minted arena rocker Mary Timony on bass, Chris Wilson of Ted Leo and the Pharmacists fame (among other outfits) on drums, and Des Demona/Pink Monkey Bird Chris Cisneros on guitar, Hammered Hulls represents an undeniably impressive assemblage of rockers. If any individual band member's musical history comes to the fore here, though, it's probably MacKaye's, as the band trades in a brawny yet cunningly complex punk that recalls the musical revelations delivered by Dischord's first blasts of post-hardcore creativity. And while this is clearly a team effort, each sonic component is worthy of the listeners attention as much as the superlative whole. Though two of the three tracks clock in at just over a minute, indicating that at least in spirit the band isn't denying its past, the practically byzantine by comparison (coming in at almost four minutes) "Written Words" hints at the potential Hammered Hulls has to be more than just a spirited one-off by some friends with impressive resumes. This single should leave everyone desperate for more.  

Nate Knaebel  

 HTRK — Venus In Leo (Ghostly International)

Australian duo HTRK’s latest Venus In Leo is a collection of electro-acoustic minimalism characterized by a woozy shimmer reminiscent of Mark Nelson’s work as Pan American. Jonnine Standish and Nigel Yang have stripped their music to the bare bones. A heartbeat throb, sparse percussion, occasional washes of synth and Yang’s simple guitar strums underpin Standish’s voice mixed to the fore on nine songs redolent with damaged longing. There is a rawness of emotion and acute observation of small domestic moments recorded with an intimacy that draws the listener close. Influenced by dub’s use of space, echo and silence Yang and Standish achieve a feeling of momentum to evoke quiet turmoil. Their miniaturization of Missy Elliott’s “Hit ‘Em Wit Da Hee” takes repeated lyrical snippets from the original and turns the song into a ghostly waltz. “What's up star? /We know who you are/Shit, no shit I thought you hadn't noticed.” Venus In Leo’s unadorned modesty is at times devastating.

Andrew Forell

  Justin Peter Kinkel-Schuster — Take Heart, Take Care (Big Legal Mess)

Songwriter Justin Peter Kinkel-Schuster frames his new album Take Heart, Take Care as the result of an artistic problem. He'd become used to writing dark songs, until he found he was content and had mostly good things to say. It's a false dilemma, of course. Any number of artists have built not only albums but careers on encouragement (see the War and Treaty as an example of a current act doing it really, really well). The real trap for Kinkel-Schuster was to avoid get treacly in his new mood, and he successfully avoids that snare.

His performances rely on his patience — he's content, remember, but not exuberant. He builds his songs comfortably within his context, but he doesn't jump on them. When he sings, “There's plenty of wonder in this world still to be found,” on the opener, his ease prevents it from sounding like a naïve epiphany. Kinkel-Schuster's Americana-influenced indie-rock comes carefully constructed, but only to make space for that heart to come through. It's a songwriter's record, easy melodies supported by well-balanced guitars. It's the singer not the guitars who have done their processing. The record and its bright sound create a warm space and sit down in it. Kinkel-Schuster may have found his ease, but his desire to share it quickly becomes apparent.

Justin Cober-Lake

 Longriver—Of Seasons (Hullaballou)

Of Seasons by Longriver

David Longoria of Longriver picks nimbly at his guitar, plucking out porch blues-y tunes that are steeped in tradition but freshly imagined. Not quite spare, his tunes are abetted by a crew of Texas regulars, songwriters Sarah LaPuerta of Strange Paradise and Lindsey Verrill of Little Mazarn, Evan Joyce and Colin Gilmore, as well as composer/percussionist Thor Harris. Though mostly acoustic guitar and voice, his sound is filled out with harmonica, soft percussion and twining communal harmonies. His songs run at a mid-temperature folky pace, so soft spoken and unassuming enough to elide one into the other, and honestly, don’t quite catch fire until late in the album when ghostly, lovely “Texas Doesn’t Care” comes along. This one uses all the tools, an aching pedal steel guitar, some silvery electric keyboards, punchy drums and fiddle. It also contains the prettiest melody of the disc, fluttered out in a high, not quite falsetto quaver. A few more like this and Texas might sit up and take notice.

Jennifer Kelly

 Lunaires — If All the Ice Melted (Shades of Sound/Wave Records)

IF ALL THE ICE MELTED by Lunaires

If All the Ice Melted is a highly polished blend of cold wave, goth and stadium synthpop. This first outing from Milan post-punk Jeunesse d’Ivoire veterans Patrizia Tranchina (vocals) and Danilo Carnevale (guitars, programming, synths) evokes the heyday of 4AD bands such as The Cocteau Twins, Xmal Deutschland and Dead Can Dance. Here, Tranchina ruminates on loss, mortality and nature’s power as Carnevale constructs dreamy electronic soundscapes with sparklingly clean guitar lines twinkling above. The results are lovely but polite. The edges have been sandpapered to nothing and the dust swept away. “Mirror Trancefix” stands out precisely because it has that grit — the drum programming a little ragged, the bass dirty, the guitars cutting. Otherwise the gloss creates an emotional distance, which may be the point but discourages complete engagement with Tranchina’s often affecting vocals. If All the Ice Melts sounds good, and if it never quite breaks out there’s enough here to enjoy and look forward to what Lunaires could do with a little less restraint.

Andrew Forell

  Bill Nace & Chik White—Eel (all parts) / Wild Wire (Open Mouth)

The news that Bill Nace (Body / Head, Vampire Belt) has picked up an acoustic guitar and sat down to jam with a jaw harpist might give some cause for pause. Is he going American Primitive, or maybe going skiffle? Spoiler alert — the ghosts of John Fahey and Lonnie Donegan will not hear their names called when you play this record. But play it you will, and for only the best of reasons. First of all, it’s a seven-inch, black vinyl single, and no one buys such things anymore unless they really, really love them. But this one does more to earn your affection than merely exist. On the a-side, White’s orally organized vibrations and Nace’s persistent smacks on prepared strings stir up a constellation of buzzing sounds that’ll reliably destabilize your equilibrium without getting you fired when the Feds drop by to drop everyone on the work floor. The flip combines broad feedback ribbons with intermittent glottal eruptions to create a sonic sweat lodge experience so deep that you’ll be unloading all your Scientology machines on e-bay, all issues resolved.

Bill Meyer

  The National — I Am Easy to Find (4AD)

The National have been getting expansive recently (with the instrumentation and their runtimes, among other things), and who can blame them? Having attained the kind of big-venue prominence that means either you start lapsing into the version of yourself the hecklers always claimed you were (an especially slippery potential slope for a band like this one, so precisely emotionally calibrated and so close to being the bad kind of dad rock) or you start just going for it. The latter approach served them mostly well on Sleep Well Beast a few years ago, but this time finally feels like the kind of record that the National needed to make for their own progress more than one that’s necessarily fully successful. One absolutely successful move is the series of accompanying singers (“backing” seems almost disrespectful for what Gail Ann Dorsey and Lisa Hannigan, among others, bring to these songs), and the expanded studio palette first highlighted on Beast is still mostly working for them. There’s even a quick comparison in the form of old fan favorite “Rylan,” which still sounds great here. Ultimately what doesn’t quite settle right is just the sheer length, bulk, and discursiveness of the album, complete with accompanying film, brief interludes by the Brooklyn Youth Chorus, interpolating a Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 song into a track that was already too long and feeling that somewhere within these 63 minutes is a really killer 40 minute or so album just waiting to be carved out. Eight albums in, things could be a lot worse.  

Ian Mathers  

 Reduction Plan — (Ae)Maeth (Redscroll Records / Dune Altar)

(Ae) Maeth by Reduction Plan

Reduction Plan swells to epic size in this sixth full-length, turning the darkwave, synth-heavy aesthetic laid out in the five previous albums into an enveloping, shimmering, near-post-metal overload. Daniel Manning, the band’s single member, worked with Swans/Walkman producer Kevin McMahon this time, a move which transformed his Cure-circa-Disintegration gloom into a weighted, gleaming edifice. “An Act of Self Immolation” sets the tone with giant masses of guitar sound that tower and lumber. Unencumbered by vocals, it’s more like Pelican than gothy-post-punk. “The River” hews closer to new wave, with its clean, chiming synth tones, gate-reverbed drums and echoey vocals — there’s a nice smouldery sax solo in this one, too — but still looms and glowers with a palpable heaviness. “Ae Maeth,” at the end, brings on Jae Matthews from Boy Harsher for added vocals, a kindred spirit in reviving music at the intersection of dance, goth and industrial; the album’s longest cut slows the thump of dance floor into a desolate cadence that can’t and won’t stave off destruction.

Jennifer Kelly

 Rosenau & Sanborn — Bluebird (Psychic Hotline)

Bluebird by Rosenau & Sanborn

The house on the cover of this LP is surrounded by fallen leaves. But even though it depicts the location of this recording, and that recording took place in October, and they recorded with the windows open, the sounds inside are not particularly autumnal. Chris Rosenau’s (Collections of Colonies of Bees, Volcano Choir) is too quick and eager, Nick Sanborn’s (Sylvan Esso, Megafaun) electronics too effervescent. This music feels like the sun hitting your brow, refracted by heavy air. It feels like the first awareness of escape when you turn off the work phone and start a vacation. Or maybe it just feels like Indian summer. Put it on, put the speakers out the window, and go kick some leaves.

Bill Meyer  

 We Melt Chocolate — We Melt Chocolate (Annibale Records)

we melt chocolate by we melt chocolate

The reanimation of shoegaze pioneers My Bloody Valentine, Slowdive and Ride has brought renewed attention to the genre’s flourishing across Europe, the US, and Japan during their absence. Italian band We Melt Chocolate — that’s Vanessa Billi (voice and synth), Lorenzo Sbisa (guitar), Enrico Baroncelli (guitar), Marco Crowley Corvitto (bass) and Francesco Lopes (drums) — hit all the classic marks on their latest, excellently produced self-titled album. Ethereal vocals, banks of effects laden neo-psychedelic guitar, washes of synth, and a thick bottom end are all present and correct. Taking Loveless as their template, We Melt Chocolate strive for the epic and on tracks like “wishful” and “orange sky” reach it with elegance rather than sheer volume, although turning it up never hurts. We Melt Chocolate probably won’t convert non-believers, but fans of shoegaze and dream pop will find a lot to like here.

Andrew Forell

[femvaylin]

Tysm for tagging me @illusivesoul! I'm awful at tagging people because I feel like I'm being annoying (despite being exhilarated myself whenever people tag me lmao) so I'd be super happy to see any of my mutuals answer :*

Q's here, A's under cut.

Were you named after anyone?

When was the last time you cried?

Do you have kids?

Do you use sarcasm?

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

What’s your eye colour?

Scary movies or happy endings?

Any special talents?

Where were you born?

What are your hobbies?

Have any pets?

What sports do/have you played?

How tall are you?

Favorite subject at school?

Dream Job?

Were you named after anyone?: My second and third name are from my paternal grandmother, and my maternal grandmother, respectively. My first name is a character from Beverly Hills 90120.

When was the last time you cried?: Spent Monday-Wednesday at the hospital and did end up doing some crying.

Do you have kids?: No, but I want one.

Do you use sarcasm?: Yeah, but I try not to.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?: I guess their general appearance. Are they well-groomed, what kind of clothes are they wearing, etc.

What’s your eye colour?: Blue!

Scary movies or happy endings? : Out of those two choices, happy endings. I prefer bad endings, but I also really don't like scary movies.

Any special talents?: Nope.

Where were you born?: The same country I'm currently living in!

What are your hobbies?: Media consumption. I'd like to be more creative and have more creative output rather than just consuming things and stewing in my emotions, but it's a hard process. I used to write and draw a lot growing up, as recently as 6-8 years ago even, but now I can hardly string together a sentence. Might be brain damage.

Have any pets?: No, and I've never had any pets. I'd like to have a dog, but living along and working full-time isn't really compatible with pet ownership.

What sports do/have you played?: I did kendo in my teens, but I've never been athletic. I'd like to try BJJ, because I have a lot of untapped aggression.

How tall are you?: 160.

Favorite subject at school?: English, because I was good at it and could use the time for creative writing.

Dream Job: Comfy bed test sleeper. But if we're talking about real, attainable jobs... Genuinely no clue. Something really really easy and repetitive, so I can indulge in my silly little daydreams. I definitely work to live, not the other way around.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I think this might be one of the nicest things anyone's said about my writing. I'm going to actually use how delighted these tags made me as an opportunity to expand on what I was trying to get at here since apparently at least one person doesn't mind me rattling on like this.

I know that most people seem to be focusing on the "performativity of gender/presentation" discussion happening in this post but I really want to bring it back in the context of some of the mental health conversations I've been having lately.

What happens if we think of masking as a performance of selfhood and self-creation instead of an automatic process? Not in the sense that we can "just stop doing it" but in the sense that at some point, those of us who mask created a "performance of self" for certain social contexts in order to achieve a level of social safety/stability. Does it follow that we could learn to shift that mask on with intention to meet our needs rather than on reflex? Could we nudge it with time and effort towards something that is a slightly less damaging experience for us? Could we learn how to unmask in certain spaces where it is safe to do so? As one of my clients once said "I feel like my mask is this person-sized, super thick armor, and the thing that is me is just this tiny mouse curled up at the center of it, because I've realized that I am never not masking."

If we consider the act of masking a self-created performance, how deep will the layers of our masks be when we start to peel them apart? What does this mean for our ideas of unmasking or absence of masking? How does the dichotomy of "neurotypicality" change if masking is an active action towards self-creation rather than a debt owed to the Concept Of Society As A Whole in exchange for being tolerated to live? What demands towards a society not actively hostile towards our existence can we make if those of us who mask can turn it into an act of defiant autonomy rather than a the defensive wall it is for so many of us now? If masking and code-switching are equivalent frameworks of protective self-creation, what can we learn from an entire body of scholarship around how to take posession of the trauma done to us by societal systems that grind away at our existence? Is not one of the first things we deserve when someone stabs them the right to stare them in face and let them know that now we're the one with a knife?

And on the topic of our comrades with low/no empathy, what if we challenge the idea that morality is the same thing as empathy? What does it mean for us if we see morality for the act of self creation that it is? Why should our motivation for acting in accordance with our morals suggest that we do not, in fact, have any morals to begin with?

If morals are something we as human beings choose to create and embody for ourselves, that WHY we do so is far less important than HOW we do so. What challenge to low/no empathy stigmatization can we create by acknowledging the fact that empathy is a neutral experience and there are lots of other components involved in how any human being decides to treat another human being?

The concept of performing gender is genuinely extremely dear to my heart, and is absolutely a vital thing to talk about on its own. And at the same time, it makes me a little sad that it seems like there are some of these same conversations people are still uncomfortable having right now. It shouldn't be so emotionally difficult for us to explore how the way we conceptualize a lot of these things really shapes the experiences of life many of us have when we fall into some of these stigmatized populations.

Language is both reactive and creative. It describes, but it can also be used to shape meaning. So what does it mean that so much of the implication behind "performative" is based in the idea that we as humans don't spend our entire lives learning how to act in ways that support our values and needs? Why is it so wrapped up in the idea that if you don't innately know how to act in ways that support your values and needs you are wrong or bad or damaged in some way? Do we REALLY think that the process of intentionally creating expectations/standards/hopes for our own decision making and reflecting over time on how that may need to change or adjust over time or under different circumstances is somehow a bad thing?

Like. We don't all have to be best friends. But maybe we can acknowledge that a lot of valuable new paths might open up for everyone if we were comfortable with asking ourselves these kinds of questions.

As a therapist, an Autistic TM, and the trans child of a trans drag king, I spend a lot of time thinking about the concept of performativity, and frankly I think it gets a bad reputation despite its capacity as a subversive technique and tactic.

When we hear the word performativity, most of us think of the concept of being superficially engaged, of skin-deep participation, of wearing the aesthetic without being able to back it up by walking the walk. It has a quality of being inherently lesser and incomplete. "Performative allyship" is one of the more damning things one can be accused of in radical circles because it means you're all talk, no substance.

The thing is, performance has been such an integral part of so many subversive communities since their inception. Performance has been a crucial form of self-expression for those same communities for just as long. It has historically held layer upon layer of meaning, to the point that calling it superficial would be akin to calling yourself unobservant. At a certain point, using performance and performativity to define superficiality is deeply irresponsible and erasive of our own cultural contexts when the word superficial is *right there*.

Everything about me is performed. From my personality, to my social graces, to my gender presentation, to my political praxis, to my professional therapeutic presence, to my embodiedness, to my version of learned empathy, to my sexual practices and desires, to my morality. Without that performance, those things don't materially exist, and I intentionally and precisely craft each performance for very specific outcomes and effects. A good deal of that is probably the autism, but I have significant doubts that every single one of these elements of selfness are completely beyond the intentional creation of everyone, autistic or allistic.

Performance is intentional, chosen action. It is a meaningful act of self-creation. Any performance, embodied long enough, becomes selfhood. The belittlement of performativity, as far as I can tell, is a belittlement of one of the most transcendental and radical acts of self-narration, change-creation, and meaning-making we as human beings have access to.

And I imagine that the immediate response will be "but there are people who are only *pretending* to embody the spirit of the performance and that's who we're calling out when we call out performativity!"

To which I say: Let's say I believe you have a 100% success rate in identifying who's a true believer in the awkward midst of change-making and who's a wolf in sheep's clothing never intending to make good. Why does the performance, the tool of change making, the cultural heritage that serves us, have to become the origin point of confrontation? Why can't we do the work of trying to call people in without degrading the tools of disidentification and meaning-making? We do a disservice to everyone, including ourselves, when we suggest that intentional performance is somehow lesser than spontaneous action. It removes our own ability to conscientiously do the right thing while still learning what that specifically means in a given context, and as human beings there will always be something we are still learning about. It compels us to question our own authenticity and ability when imposter syndrome rears its head because imposter syndrome relies on the idea of intentional performance of role as distinct from innate knowledge of the same role. It contributes to sanism/ableism around low/no empathy comrades who intentionally choose to perform to high standards of morality and equitable praxis because somehow their choice to do so means less since they aren't also emotionally self-flagellating when they make a mis-step. It contributes to transphobia by forcing us to argue over whether or not gender is a performance and whether or not that means trans people's existence is valid when we could just accept that gender includes performativity for some, both cis and trans.

There are so many upsides to embracing notions of performance. I find myself wondering why doing so has remained so contentious up to this point. Especially when so much of the scholarship around marginality DOES embrace performativity. The contention seems to remain in the public sphere, and I'm curious where that comes from. Most importantly, I'm curious why anyone would want to cut themselves off from the primary form of self-creation. It feels very much like the sort of thing that got snuck in early on as a self-sabotaging element against the possibility of revolutionary meaning-making.

[monstersinthecosmos]

@belovedsheith tagged me! Thanks babe!! 

What is your total posted word count on AO3? (Go to your Works, then click Statistics.)

150,491. LIKE WTF THOUGH??? Why can’t I write a story that long lmao that’s my dream.

How often do you write?

I really do try to write every day, with varying degrees of success. Or, to be more accurate, I try to do something creative every day. So if I have a day where I’m drawing or podcasting or something I get a pass. =P I also usually reward myself with a day or two off any time I finish something, because I’m a slow writer and most of the time when I finish a fic I’m like WHEW THAT TOOK WEEKS, WOWIE LET’S TAKE A BREATHER. But I generally always INTEND to write. Sometimes it’s only a few sentences and sometimes it’s just writing an outline, sometimes it’s sitting in the dark with headphones on and trying to build my headcanons and ideas while I listen to thematic music lol.

Do you have a routine for writing?

I sigh at TextEdit for like 5 minutes and then text @yureiyume to see if she wants to do a sprint with me. She mostly draws. So we’ll set a timer and promise not to be distracted by electronics and just see how much damage we can get done in 20 minutes. Sometimes it’s really hard to do 20 minutes. Other times it like flows out. Sometimes it gets the ball rolling and then I keep going when the timer is up. I never know where my brain is gonna be. ALSO LIKE picking the right music to put on is SUPER important to my process/routine. You could pick scenes out of any of my fics and I’ll be able to tell you what I was listening to lol. I also generally like to write in TextEdit, which is the shittiest no-frills processor but I don’t like getting distracted by word counts and page breaks so it’s like the best way for me to focus. 

What’s your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing?

:D :D :D

Kinks: Orgasm denial, overstimulation, BDSM IN GENERAL TO BE HONEST, is causing Daniel to hallucinate a kink? 

Tropes: dhjalagjd slow burns, mutual pining, mafia AUs, modern AUs! REVERSE AU’S!!! 

Pairing: Daniel/Armand is my favorite to write about but I mostly just read about Victuuri. BUT LATELY I’ve been reading like, exclusively Sheith. 

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

So Falls the World is like the epitome of “write what you want to read” and I feel like such a douche saying this but I really genuinely enjoy reading it because it’s basically like everything I want in a fic that no ONE ELSE IS WRITING BECAUSE EVERYONE HATES MARIUS LMFAO. Oops. In general I think it’s probably the most proud I am of any fic I’ve written and probably the one I’ve worked hardest on. It got one comment lol. =P WhatEVA I DO WHAT I WANT! 

Your fic with the most kudos?

Starchild (Yuri on Ice) but like the fic that has the most kudos in the KUDOS:HITS ratio (which is what I care way more about lol) is Star Eater (Voltron). Like what’s with me overusing the word STAR, sorry. 

Moon Above, Sun Below has the most kudos of my VC fics but it’s also the oldest so I think it’s just a fluke cause it’s been floating around longer LOL 

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

I’m self conscious because I feel like if I talk about it I’ll be pointing something out that no one notices except me. =P DON’T JUDGE ME. In general I think there are words/phrases I tend to overuse but once I notice I’m doing it I make an effort to cut back. Like I’ll ctrl+F the story and change it around to make sure I’m not being redundant. Sometimes when I’m writing I also get into a zone where I’m hearing my own cadence in my head and I just start typing absolute nonsense sentence fragments LMFAO cause it makes sense TO ME and then like, sometimes I leave it how it is and hope that it’s ~lyrical~ or something but I have to edit a lot to make sure it makes sense. 

Also my main goal as a fic writer is I’m DYING to write a fucking gigantic slow burn and I just haven’t figured out how to yet. I have a couple WIPs but I keep losing steam. DSGJKLSDGH TEACH ME UR WAYS GUYS. (Also like I keep wondering if I should POST the WIPs and maybe getting validation would help me stay motivated? But I’m also too embarrassed to have an unfinished fic rotting on my account cause I get so upset when fics get abandoned, I don’t want to do that to anybody.)

Now something you do like?

HMM. On a technical aspect I don’t know what to say, but. What I CAN say about my own writing is that I write fic out of self-necessity. So, like, I write VC porn cause no one fuckin else does. If I have a fic idea and it exists already, I’m good with that. But if I can’t find the thing I want to read, I’ll write it myself.  So I mean. I don’t wanna like, sound like a dick lmfao, but aside from something as generic as “porn” I also think I like to write fic because I have headcanons about people’s demeanors and mannerisms and feelings and sometimes I’m just not seeing anyone doing it justice. Like I wanna see some gritty adult emotions. I wanna see like, some fucked up sexual dynamics. I wanna see people doing drugs and manipulating each other. LOL. So as far as like, something I like about my own writing, is that I go there as a writer because it’s something I want to see, and I try not to be too safe about it. I also do my best to draw on my own experiences with all of the above, so I hope it comes across as somewhat genuine lol. 

I also like that I sneak in a lot of easter eggs to amuse myself LMAO but if I caught onto something like that as a reader I’d really enjoy it. 

Tagging: @wicked-felina @yureiyume @superhiki @amadeo-child-of-the-renaissance @santinos-neckline @lestvt @rip1009 ALL THE FIC WRITERS plz anyone feel free haha 

[solarianradiance]

Black Romance

The Black Quadrant of Troll Romance intrigues me to no end, and makes my thoughts churn like a creative slurry in a bucket, wandering what exactly its like under long term circumstances, the little intricacies of unwritten rules and expectations to be found within this sort of relationship.

How did it even first occur? What in Troll biology cause it to be a such a strong fixture in their social culture?

Perhaps these questions will be answered one day... probably in a way that makes me wish they hadn't and force me to moan like a lil bitch in disappointment.

We can only speculate for now however... which is what im going to do.

In its history, Black Romance likely started as a genuine desire to kill a rival, likely over the feelings of the same Matesprite, but unable to do so, in spite of the genuinely serious trying at mutual murder, only to find they dont mind each other so much, even if they dont like many other aspects about them~

 Even though they try to kill their rival they actually begin to make one another as strong as possible through constant conflict. Like two Knights sharpening their skills in a friendly sparing match. After all, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Given Troll society, they likely take this notion to heart.

Through this rivalry, their partner is made as strong as possible, so they may live to see each other again another day.

I think, in my opinion, a Black Romance is a relationship born of Hate and Irritation, but evolves into a genuine mutual love and respect.

It starts as Hate, but becomes Love over time.

They may start in opposite directions, but they ultimately end up in the same place.

Any actual pain inflicted upon your rival is to make them dulled and numb to that pain. Makes them ready to deal with it mentally. Their weak traits being absolved or mitigated to some extent, and their strengths expanded and reinforced.

The individuals, sharpen each others knives for their partners to use one another, so that they may also sharpen their skills, ensuring that they are both full prepared for the trials ahead.

A Black Romance usually revolves around the two partners actually trying to hurt and injure one another, both verbally and physically, but not cripple, maim or kill their opponent. Its the two trying to Dominate, but not so thoroughly as they cannot grow as individuals. To remove the blemishes in their techniques, working out the kinks in execution.

Blackroms must have times of bonding and enjoyment, a break from the conflict, to relieve stress... by ♠any♠means♠necessary♠~

This often revolves around the two Haters tending to eachothers wounds, and enjoying the typical Red Romance activities, like dinner and a movie, albeit with a side of snark, super sized. Probably poisoning their partners meal, just enough for them to get an upset stomach and vomit over it all.

Signs of affection take the forms of hand holding, kissing, and small levels of antagonisms such as harmless insults or mild scuffles. One method is manipulation to encourage romantic retaliations, such as stealing clothes, pranking their rival, or even publicly humiliating them in way that will embarrass them but wont destroy their standing or self-esteem.

Anything that gets under their skin without causing permanent harm goes and one must always be on guard and never show signs of weakness or reveal any information to their kismesis, lest they use this against their partner.

One sign of devotion in a relationship is wearing the colors of your partner. In the case of a Matesprit, its their favorite color.

In the case of a Kismesis, its their blood color, or at least a color they may hate.

All relationships are born of trust, but for a Kismesissitude, it is far more important, for they must both understand they are not trying to kill eachother while trying to wound one another. 

A good sign of trust is allowing your Kismesis to wear your clothes with minimal reservation, as they probably wont destroy it outright, but probably will at least modify it, such as dying it another color.

This trust is what is crucial for it to succeed, they have to try and hurt without killing. And due to nature of the relationship, they try to one up each other constantly.

Stabbing someone in the arm may result in them cutting off your hand in response.

This often results in the one of them killing their partner kind of unintentionally while being caught up in a whirlwind of passionate hatred~

Sometimes in bed even.

These bouts of hate filled fighting can spill over into society at large, causing damage and injury to others and their property.

This is why the Auspices were founded~

The importance of the Auspice in a Black Romance is critical, for they serve as the referees, and prevent the relationship from getting out of hand. The loss of one or both individuals can be devastating to the group, especially if they’re of great standing and use to said group. Losing your own members to themselves is embarrassing to say the least.

They at minimum, keep the two individuals focused, preventing them from getting embroiled in their bitter dark chocolate freakishness, and having them stay civil as well as decent in public.

Anyone can be an Auspice, be they a passing stranger, or a concerned friend. But many Auspices are more permanent fixtures, usually one party members current Moirail or Matesprite.

But most often, it is normally a third party that is a mutual friend, that aides in keeping things from getting out of hand. A platonic friend that can help cool the flames and calm the storms, so the ship will not sink.

But Not All Ashenroms Are Platonic~

Some Are Polyamourous Relationships Where The individuals Engage in Mutually Consenting Frivolity In Their Own Various Ways, Be They ♥Flushed♣Or♣Pitched♠ And Can Vary On The Individuals Involved, Creating A Sort Of Menagerie Of Earthly Delights, One Could Compare To A Candy Store With A Wide Variety Of Sugary Treats To Suit Every Taste~~~

Which Makes Such Relationships Quite Appealing To Most People~

However, there are times when someone is Auspicing for their own selfish desires. Attempts may be done by the Auspice to change the nature of the relationship, and pull an individual into another Quadrant.

This is why they are known to be “Meddlers”, and prolonged Ashroms are rare, especially when they dont make it to the bedroom.

When they do make it in, its normally so the two individuals can pail and the 3rd party ensures they dont kill one another and nothing more. Once completed, the relationship may continue or end.

If an Auspice doesn't know what they are doing, they may be unable to keep up and be ineffective, or even make the situation worse.

But in the case that an Auspice does succeed, and pays their cards right, everyone can have a grand old time together, creating a rare instance where more than two individuals has a well balanced Romance with variety.

Black Romance often ends in two rivals breaking apart, either they cant handle the stress or one of them dies, usually at the hands of their partner. Or one of them simply gets bored, and doesn't feel fulfilled like they once were.

A Black Romance is after all, based in enthusiastic engagement, and it is not unusual for the relationship to end in mutual separation.

But there are times when one side loses the romantic aspect, and the hate turns true and genuine, and kills their partner on purpose.

There are even instances of cruel situations where one partner is manipulating their other for dark machinations.

Machinations that are Darker than Black

Abuse does often occur, but a proper Pitched relationship has consent, subtext and subtle hints giving expressing desires, and when fulfilled, there is aftercare, wounds are dressed, and reminders that there is affection. Should a deed go too far, a boundary overstepped, a true Kismesis will in one way or another, express regret and remorse over a transgression.

Transgression may include overly controlling behavior, emotionally isolating them, direct harm with intent to cripple or kill, engaging in a relationship with your Kismesis’s actual enemies who want to kill them, destroying what is valued and cant be replaced and manipulating them for personal gains at their permanent expense, especially when they cant afford it.

A Kismesis cares for their partners feelings and well being, and a good one goes out of their way to ensure they are secure and safe, even when having fun.

An abuser does not.

But then there are the very rare instances, where Kismesissitude is so strong and so stable and healthy between partners, that they seemingly end up in the same place as a end of a Flushed romance.

A truly loving rivalry, whose only goal in it, is the joy of having it.

When it happens, its like Black Magic.

The two seem to engage in bantering and mutual antagonism, yet its clear they’re enjoying each other in the act. Vacillating between Red, Black and Pale all within moments.

Should a Black Romantic Couple reach this level, they stay together simply because they love being together.

Marriage exists within Troll society, though it is rare, especially when its outside ones blood caste.

Black Marriages are particularly rare, as the process of getting Hate Married is rather intense.

A proposal involves biting off eachothers right ring finger and swallowing it. Which is pretty hardcore if you ask me.

Which turned out to be too hardcore, which was phased out for simply biting a wound into their partners finger instead

Which was also phased out as it was a custom from a time before oral hygiene was a thing, people died due to infection.

Afterwords it became a case of merely scaring, then branding, then finally tattooing in your fiance’s sign in their blood color on your right ring finger.

A simple wedding ring is also acceptable, usually some cheap metal, like a Black iron ring.

Finally, the two tell each other a special secret about one another, usually something quite humiliating, as a means of making blackmail, so that either one wants to declare a divorce, they simply air their others dirty laundry.

[softwaare]

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Field Service Management

•              Field Engineer Live Location alongside Movement History - GPS Mobile Apps

•             Moment Field Engineer Performance

•              Give precise record and hardware history to the field expert

•              Cost Voucher from Mobile

Anyplace, Anytime Working

•             Representative Login according to Permission given by Super Admin

•             Customer Login Portal - Logging of Service Ticket

•             Merchant Login Portal - Self Service

•              Task Management with Collaboration

Cautions, Reports and Analytics

•             Incorporated Client Records for simpler Preventive and Break administration

•              SLA and Multiple Level Escalations

•             Real-time Open and Total Service Analysis

•             Benefit Report by Sr.No. /AMC Contract/Client

•             Apparatuses Management

•             Analyze Multiple Engineer on KPI

How Does Field Service Management Software Works?

Get a Service Calls

Send off the Apps to begin getting Visit Service Calls

Acknowledge the Service Calls

Acknowledge the Service Calls to get the Client Details

Reach at Service Sites

Through GPS Navigation framework reach at Client Sites

Resolve Service Calls

Call resolve and prepared for new call

Transfer Service Report

Advanced indication of the assistance Tickets or Manually transfer the help ticket

Record Expense Voucher

On the off chance that a cost is ought to voucher to be made for an endorsement and installment

Rating by Client/Coordinate Client

Coordinate Provides Rating and close the help Ticket

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