#it’s just. harder to write than turning to a human character and going ‘ok this is ur fault so ur family doesn’t love u anymore !!’

[twoa-plus]

do u guys ever think abt how the fandom blaming mabel and/or ford (this applies to other characters too but i mostly see it with them) for Everything is exactly what bill would’ve wanted. like it’s not his fault for tricking them, it’s their fault for falling for it

bill is the villain here - he’s the manipulator and the abuser and the one who wanted Bad Things To Happen. but somehow all the blame ends up falling on the shoulders of the people he used as unwitting pawns to achieve that goal

in fanfic & stuff i think a lot of this comes down to the fact that it’s easier to “punish” the human characters - they have loved ones and dreams and aspirations, and taking that away from them leads to more of an emotional impact than anything you could possibly do to bill. sure, you can kill him, send him to prison, make him do therapy, whatever, but he doesn’t have anything. there’s nothing you can take away from him that he hasn’t already taken from himself. as messed up as it is i think people just find it more satisfying to hurt someone who actually has a weak point, even if that person isn’t the one really at fault

anyways. idk i just think bill would really get a kick out of seeing people sympathize with him more than they do his victims

[krispycreamcake]

Reiji's perfect gift

From author: I'm gonna try just a tiny different writing style today sooo enjoy

Edit: I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF OH MY GODDDDDDD I POSTED THIS BY ACCIDENT AND TRIED TO CNP IT BEFORE I DELETED IT BUT IT ONLY GOT LIKE ONE SENTENCE. I AM LEAVING THE EARTH.

"Mmmm... That's- hnng- good..." I grunted out in relief as I felt their gentle fingers easily glide across my aching muscle, pulling and tugging until I could no longer hold in my voice. Just the feeling of them on my skin made me instantly fall into a state of relaxation and pleasure.

Once they were done, I rose up from the bed and rolled my shoulders. "Thank you, I do appreciate it." The words left my mouth as if butter had been smeared all over my lips. I turned around to face them, looking into their eyes. I wish I could've stayed longer but I had important duties that couldn't be dismissed.

Truth be told, I've been certainly stressed out these past few days with the events father had planned for us. Convincing my no good brothers was hard enough as it is to attend, but making sure they don't make a fool of the Sakamaki name would be the harder issue at play.

"Reiji? You're kinda zoning out, you ok?" I heard their voice and immediately snapped my attention back to them. I cupped their face with a gloved hand and grazed their cheek with my thumb. "It's nothing you should be worrying about. I'm just focusing on making sure everything turns out the way father expects it to." They quirk an eyebrow at me before giggling.

"What's so funny?" I ask. "Well if things turn out the way he expects it to, then wouldn't that be a disaster?" I grin as the joke registers to me. As much as I do appreciate the humour, it was just another reminder that without me, this family would completely fall apart.

"I suppose you're right. Truly I couldn't imagine them being on any kind of behaviour, so it'll be hard to make sure they're even on their best one." They look at me a bit despondent as if they know what has to happen now. "Goodnight. I do hope you have a good rest, if you need me, you know where to find me."

I watch as their hands grab onto mines, not saying a word. It would be so easy to ignore what must be done and just stay here with them, but I'm afraid that that's just not in my character. "Don't look so troubled, you'll feel my fangs soon enough."

"I watch as their expression changes from one of surprise to embarrassment. What a predictable human. "I assume that's why you're so against letting me go no?" As their unbelievable fibs reach my ears, I can't help but think about how I'm only wasting more time. I say my farewells and immediately head to the game room to check on my brothers.

"Really Ayato, you never fail to disappoint me." I watch as he freezes in his spot, pool table clutched in hand. "Shit.... Reiji." I sigh before crossing my arms. "I don't expect anything from you other than to slack off, but even then you prove to me time and time again that you cannot be trusted with anything. You can't even set an example for your younger brothers! You agreed to come to the gathering and claimed that you had read the event's guidelines, yet here you are lazing off and playing games! You understand the severity of your situation don't you? Of all of us? We are to present the family's greatest accomplishments over the years and yet we have nothing to show for it."

I fix my glasses as my voice grows Stern and tense. "Tch- why don't ya take that damn stick outta your ass and have fun for once? Isn't today supposed to be your special day?" If I didn't have more important things to attend to, I'd slap that imprudent little boy across his face. Where does he honestly get the audacity to speak to me of all people like that?

"You know that as vampires, our birthdays are rather pointless and tiresome to celebrate. I am not some weak mortal that needs to be pitied for having gained another year to my age. Kanato, your advanced math class is having a meet-up tomorrow, you will be attending. Laito, I've arranged for you to be giving a tour in the demon world where you'll be teaching others about our history and culture, all your notes and resources are on your desk. Ayato, you have been designated to attend tomorrow's ball along with Subaru. You all have your work cut out for you so I don't expect anyone to be slacking off."

They luckily knew I wasn't asking but still, neither seemed pleased to be bossed around. "I think I'd rather die than have an old guy like you tell me what to do you know." Laito spoke with firm determination, I could see it in his face and sense it in his voice, no matter how smooth of a tone he may put on.

"These are not my wishes, I am simply carrying out our duties and making sure you low-lives don't drag the Sakamaki name through mud." I quickly spat back at him. Why must they oppose every single thing I say? I'm doing this for them! I sigh before taking my leave.... Until I heard Kanato murmur something under his breath.

I snapped my head towards him. "Speak up, it's rude to mumble, you're no longer a child anymore Kanato." I watched as Kanato looked at the floor, fiddling with that teddy bear of his before finally speaking up with such dead eyes.

"Teddy and I think that you should just leave if everything's such a bother to you.... You don't care about us anyway, but I can't say that we all don't feel the same! Uuu..... You want to abandon us, leave us here to rot!" I was almost taken aback before Kanato started to sniffle and cry like a child that lost its mother.

I once again adjusted my glasses before giving them all a stern look. I head back to my room to review the letters we received after a certain good-for-nothing let them stack up without informing anyone that they were delivered in the first place.

Just as I climbed the stairs, I immediately noticed that they were there. Watching perhaps? Sometimes I just don't know what's going on with that person after it seems like I have everything figured out. "It's highly unbecoming to ease drop on other's conversations."

I chuckle as I watch them jump in surprise. I grabbed their hand before giving their wrist a slap with my index and middle fingers. They wince at the jolt of pain before yanking their arm away. But something wasn't right.... Their usual playful stature in moments like these, was replaced with what I could only concur as annoyance and anger.

"Is something the matt-" My ears were immediately assaulted by a loud berating. "How could you not tell me it was your birthday??? Are you insane?? We spent the entire day doing nothing! I could've made you a cake or something or- or I don't know! Get you a present at least! You told me 'not to worry about it' when I asked because it didn't matter!"

My face drops and I feel exasperation creep up on me. "Is that what this is all about? I believe you heard my explanation when I was speaking to Ayato, I won't repeat myself because you refuse to listen to anything that isn't what you want to hear. I've explained before that I'm busy, so if you don't mind, I'll be taking my leave."

I walk past them before things could escalate more. I tried to remain as composed as I could but everyone seemed to be additionally unintelligent today. Truth be told, I couldn't care less! My birthday? Ha..... What a joke, it should be forgotten and buried with that woman.

I turn the knob on my door and see my room in the state of a pigsty. I hurriedly closed the door as it let out a small slam. "Hm, it seems I've let this place get the best of me. I don't have time for tidying right now..... I need to-" I don't know what overtook me, or perhaps I did, but I slid down the wall and thre my head back, tears streaming down my face. What a fool I've been, running around catering to others and I shut them out when they try to do the same.

"Yes?" I look down to see them... But not just them. The triplets are outside as well and Subaru even. A warm yellow glow was radiating off of their face. Candles that were stuck inside a strawberry shortcake.... My eyes grew wide as I realized. I didn't say a word as I opened the door for all of them to come in. Ayato was the second to bolt inside holding a bottle of wine.

It's that damn person's fault! Ever since they got here, they've made my life hell! Their outrageous tendencies to check in on me, to care for me, to hold me! How could they..... Make me see my own flaws, make me feel this way? I hear a knock on the door and immediately stand up, drying my eyes and taking a second to breathe before opening it.

"Happy birthday dear Reiji~ happy birthday to you!" I unintentionally gave a small smile as I listen to all their uneven voices try to sing in harmony, it was absolutely awful. But I can't say I didn't enjoy it nonetheless. "Thank you all.... And I'm assuming this was your idea?" I asked them.

They tried to be humble but I knew they really enjoyed the praise they got from me. I opened the bottle of wine and poured everyone a glass, using the ones I keep locked away in my room. They all seemed surprised to see me bringing them out.

I can't remember how many drinks we'd all had, but when they kissed me.... I can't explain it. It was more sweet than any blood that I've ever tasted, more delicate than the finest of pastries. In fact, if it wasn't for that kiss, I don't think I'd recall that night at all.

I feel a presence behind me and before I could see who it was, they left. The only thing to indicate that there was someone there in the first place, was a small store bought card with the words 'happy birthday' written on it in an ugly font with bright colours. "Hmph, you really are good for nothing."

[imaybeabear]

Just finished the finale of The Pitt and I type the following list of Thoughts through my tears:

- ABBOTT THE MAN YOU ARE WE LOVE TO SEE CASUAL DISABILITY REP AND GUYS WHO KINDA DONT KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP BUT ARE JUST TRYING TO HELP GOD BLESS!!!!

- Also, the "two old white guys stole our case" "old?" "I know they're not talking about me" Dr Jack Abbott I love you so much

- Mel getting off the shift from hell and going to get and take care of her sister I cannot tell you how much I adore that scene and her character. As a person with a younger sibling with a severe mental disability that was so unbelievably real and affirming and a little bit heartbreaking and I want to give Mel and her sister giant hugs. And, the Elf thing? Also very real rip. MEL YOU ABSOLUTE LEGEND!!

- Langdon. Buddy. What the fuck.

- Whitaker the guy you are <3<3<3<3<3 I LOVE HIM SO VERY MUCH!!!

- Dana I love you so much you deserve the whole entire world and so much more<3 I'm so torn between wanting to see more of her and wanting her to be able to catch a break

- I'm still on the fence on Santos. I like her much better than I did the first few eps, but I think I need to see her (hopefully!) in s2 before I can really decide if her writing this ep was a character breakthrough or cheap writing. I'm inclined towards character breakthrough cause the rest of the writing in this show has been pretty good but I just need more info.

- That being said, I love that she helped Whitaker and I hope that they become otters holding hands to not float away. I think they're both intensely lonely people who could use a best friend. And also that that would be a great dynamic

- Robby. Dude I want to hug Robby so bad I love him so so so much "one must imagine [Dr] Sisyphus happy" I'm going to start kicking things his almost smile at the very end felt like being punched

- And the parallel roof conversations absolutely gutted me. The way that they are both a little awkward, a little off footed on how to help, but they both love each other and care about each other so much and even tho they really don't get much time together on screen we can see through every one of their scenes that they are great friends who have been through so much together I love them

- Ok. More thoughts on Langdon. He was and probably still is one of my favorite characters, but his behavior this ep towards Robby and Dana made me want to kick him where the sun don't shine. Especially when Robby was offering him an out. Unfortunately, Langdon's attitude towards his own addiction is very realistic, which it makes it all the harder to watch. His addiction is very understandable. His behavior is unacceptable. I hope he comes around and gets help, but I doubt he'll be back for s2:/

- The park scene was so good I just love that most of them got a moment to decompress and find a bit of levity in the situation and just be human<3 Victoria I adore you<3 and once again, Abbott THE MAN YOU ARE!!!

- Overall, I like a lot of the show, especially a lot of the character work and I love how realistic it is, both in the medical stuff and also in the refusing to turn away from the hard things about the medical industry and human nature without hiding the good things. I can't wait for season 2:)

[moonsidesong]

finished UT Yellow pacifist ! i really really enjoyed it! i will definitely be going back for the other runs but i'd like to let this sit for at least a few days before i go back in.

extended thoughts below!! yaayay!!!!

ok im sorry to open with a negative thought but if i can be a little mean. ceroba's fight suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. visually its insanely cool, musically its insanely cool, the presentation overall rocks, but gameplay wise its the worst ive played so far bar none.

i think this game for the most part had pretty fun and interesting bullet patterns for the bosses and, especially in the case of Axis, El Bailador, and Guardener's fights, i really got the sense i was getting a little better each time as i memorized the attacks, which is exactly what i want from a UTDR boss fight! i heart memorization.

... but Ceroba's fight was the only one where i felt like the bullet patterns just had no rhyme or reason to them. i think using several simple attacks to make a layered complicated one is a good idea in theory but in the way they did it i kinda just felt like she was throwing random crap at me and when I did beat it (which took i think around an hour) i sorta just got the impression that i was lucky enough her RNG picked the easier ones a few extra turns in a row rather than feeling like i actually accomplished anything (anything with the gravity black hole added was just kind of a death sentence for me, maybe its a skill issue but i feel like yknow. im okaaayyy at bullet hell... wah...)

also, i dont know much about game design, but the overall momentum of the fight is set up to really only be good if you beat it the first time. which is not great. they make you watch a cutscene every time you die and although it is brief, it breaks things up just a little too long! you get really sick of hearing the first few notes of what are otherwise great songs in her fight, and it makes it harder to feel for her when watching her scream starts to become annoying. i think if it were up to me, it'd be best if when you died, there was no cutscene, and the game over screen didnt have music or text and was JUST the Retry/Continue prompts so you can jump back into the action quickly. if we wanna take it a step further, because the music opens with such intense notes, stop making it start over!!!! pick it up where it left off!!!! maybe even have the game over menu not even stop the music, just muffle it temporarily or something. i dont know. thats what id do if it were up to me but i did not make anything im just a guy writing a tumblr post

anyway hater hour over. i mentioned those three boss fights earlier because they were my favorites. i thought they were really fun. i can see how some people might think the shield mechanic during Axis's fight might suck but it was like easily my favorite actually HAHAHA idk i thought it was fuuuuun heehehe yaay i block the bullets and it makes a good sound sound makea me happy <- this is the hightest compliment you can get from a misophonic player

also the ending made me cry. this isnt saying much because literally everything makes me cry but it did in fact make me cry. u show me characters showing a moment of genuine vulnerability in a bittersweet atmosphere and uh oh

anyway.

i mentioned in my previous thought post that i was interested in seeing where the running theme of "jobs/employment" was going, and seeing it play out into meaning "forever unfinished business" was really good. Martlet quits the Royal Guard having felt like she never really did anything there, neither Chujin nor Ceroba could finish what they set out to do, and Clover never even saw the other human souls. theres probably more than that too thats just what i remeber my memorys actually kinda bad i never remember anything until i play it like three times oops. maybe i should start writing my thoughts as i go instead of making big unorganized writeups on tumblr after the fact.

also this is a really small personal nitpick that doesnt matter but i dont like ceroba's skirt. i think having such a regal traditional outfit otherwise and then just wearing a short skirt that goes above her knees makes her look more like a schoolgirl than it does someone who is like At The Minimum in her thirties. i get not wanting a long skirt to get in the way of her silhouette for her boss fight since shes all like stanced up but at that point just give her pants LOL

i don't care to comment much on the writing, on the whole i really liked it so i dont have as much to say, but i dont think martlet shouldve been there in the room with you for Chujin's tapes. i think that shouldve been a quiet moment with just Clover so it could Sit with you for a second. thats my only writing gripe in this very moment.

anyway GRAHHHH I ENDED UP WRITING A LOT OF THINGS I DIDNT LIKE AND I DONT WANT TO LEAVE WITH THE IMPRESSION I HAD A NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE SO:

MUSIC WAS REALLY GOOD!!! I LIKED ALL THE CHARACTERS!!!! I LIKED MAKING AXIS'S FUNNY ROBOT PARTNER I THOUGHT THAT WAS FUNNY!!!!!!!! ASIDE FROM THE FINAL BOSS I THOUGHT THE GAMEPLAY WAS FUN!!!!! THE MAIL MECHANIC WAS REALLY SILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I PLAYED WITH MY FRIEND AND I HAD A VERY GOOD TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAY!!! I VIDEO LOVE GAMES!!!!!!!!!!

thanks for reading! im sure ill have more thoughts to share by the time i do the other routes, but like i said at the start, id like to just sit on my thoughts and let the game simmer for now. my overall opinion is that i thought it was good! not perfect by any means, but very very good. i'm sure i will revisit it someday. and by that i mean right now im gonna draw and watch a bit of saltydkdan's video of it before bed.

if you read this far tell me your favorite hot drink :) lately ive been really obsessed with like, this basic ass cinnamon/nutmeg/coriander chai from target. i put a little honey and cream in it and its like my favorite thing ever i have some every morning. i used to think i only liked fruity teas but my eyes have been truly opened.

[phaerlax]

Looking back at 2024 writings~ ✍️

Thought I'd have my own go at those "a year in art" things that artists do! I wrote something every month this year! Usually multiple somethings. There were a lot of fan events, huh. Here are the highlights... (The underlined things are links btw)

January: 🧪🌈🐍 supervised sex for science

This fic was way more popular than my average! The perks of not writing about GaruKaru... but evidently that allure did not hold me back for the rest of the year lmao I wrote this for a 2023 secret santa, but the deadline was until January and I only started in January, so it counts. I had fun with the fic, even though it's a bit outside of the 'written for sexual gratification' zone I usually go for.

February: 🐺🦈🎁🐺 Blade b-day bonanza

For the Blade birthday fanweek, I wrote this story wherein Garu and Karu give him a cute present. Then they fuck (unrelated). The main thing I like about this in retrospect is how I depicted Karu somehow failing to top someone who is clearly ok with doing whatever he says. さすがカイルくん...

March: 🐺❄️🐺 c'est le pupcest

I wrote it in response to a prompt in the Kink Meme, but also gifted it to Sungel because Sungel had been asking for something like this for a while and I would feel really smug if they were the anon who submitted the prompt but alas that they were not. Anyway. Garu's separation anxiety in Frozen Echoes sure was something, huh? Kink-wise, I love the 'wrestling for dominance' trope and I love the idea of Garu going along with it just to humor Karu but somehow winning.

April: 🌈😈🐺 Morvay madness

One of my Morvay week contributions! I also did one for Karu/Morvay but that was less popular. I'm very fond of both anyway. Morvaru, my beloved...! I will continue to be your only prophet. Really hoping 2025 will bring us more Morvay content in general. Anyway, Garu gets to stick his little thing in someone again in this story and that's neat. Have I made Garu top more frequently than Karu lol

April was also a month in which I wrote quite a lot of my problematic original spanking-focused fics, hm. There was the bunny boys story, the mechanical boy, a new chapter of Smitten, and the prince/slaves fic!

May: 🌈🐺/🦊🐺 good master bad master

This is one of my Kuyaru Week pieces! Hugely inspired by that Ray drawing of Karu getting a hairbrush hiding from Kuya (which was in turn inspired by me of course, our relationship is beautiful). I thought it would be fun to compare Eiden brushing Garu's tail to Kuya 'brushing' Karu's tail. I was right, it was fun. Karu getting spanked will always do it for me. I also had Kuya turn him into a bunny that month, which was darker but also fun. A bit of strangulation for my good friend and editor who deserves such treats (do you see how beautiful our relationship is).

June: 🌈🪦 he died as he lived,

The first of many drabbles I'd submit to nuflashfic's Drabbles for the Birthday Boy(s) challenges. Writing these drabbles is quite fun. I get to make something really quick and dirty but still feel a sense of accomplishment. I think they're also a good creative exercise in figuring out which words actually matter. I managed to fit so many characters in this first one!

July: 🧪🐺 guilt-ridden medicinal dogfucking

This was written for the Rei zine! I knew that I wanted to write Reiaru for that project (see here), but Rei and GaruKaru's backstory was still nebulous when it began. I waited and waited, hoping that we'd get some elaboration, and boy did we! I ended up leaning into Rei's sense of duty in taking care of Garu, even though that kind of sentimentalism isn't much my cup of tea. This story inspired a very talented Chinese artist to draw this amazing piece, which is still crazy to me.

July is also the month of Human Quality, and Kuya/Quincy/GaruKaru which might be my best work.

August: 🐺☀️🐺🦀 can't meme this any harder

For the Dante zine, Sunkissed! Turns out that pairing the least popular characters in a not very evocative scenario doesn't go over so well, hits-wise. Whatever man, I got a crab fight scene. There's even art of it in the zine, drawn by contacthigh, whose dantaru pitches led me to the whole concept actually. I enjoy the instances of "Karu gets irrationally annoyed at Dante's use of magic to solve problems" in this story. Also the dogs being cluelessly sexy.

August is also when we started the Everyone/Garu anthology! I wrote the Dante chapter, then the Blade chapter, then the Morvay chapter, and edited all of the others. I'm very proud of that fic; three minds turned to a singular purpose... dogfucking 😌 we accomplished much.

September: 🦊🐺♀️ lesbian yaoi...?!

I had to see if I could... it seems that I can. My preferred flavor of humiliation transcends gender barriers to some extent, apparently. This year I lowkey found some latent bisexuality within me; I blame the gyaru bratty uke in that "Fucked by my best friend" manga.

October: ☀️🦇🏖️ bikini Aster, your honor

For Daster Week! I know that people are generally more interested in getting their bottom Dante / subverted expectations fix from daster, but I like bottom Aster too. I enjoy the dynamic of Aster being very manipulative and weaponizing his cuteness to push Dante around. This fic was inspired by that incredible fanart I'm happy to have boosted. Not enough people are sexualizing the cute boys to my taste in this game and I will continue working to change that. That sounded wrong but tbh it's meant that way.

November: 🦇🐺🍣🥢forever snacking on Karu

November was a busy, busy month with Wolves Week 2024! Apparently I only have a couple drabbles, since most of my effort went into writing the Morvay chapter and editing the Karu chapter of Project F.T.D. But I had to put out at least a little something for astaru! And continue consolidating my paralysis fetish...

December: 🐺🐍🌡️ shivering snake shenanigans

My contribution to this year's Advent Calendar, finally some proper yakaru from me! I love Karu being fussy (and failing to top, of course). Yakumo disastrously losing control of his urges is always good too. Though funnily enough, I'd rather see both of them be dommed and frustrated at the same time. Neither of these boys should top. Kuya please--

Closing thoughts

This was a year in which I got more "serious" about writing, starting around September or so. I don't want to be a professional writer (being forced to 'create' is something that I dread and the main reason I decided to quit academia this year!), but I'm starting to make a career out of editing/proofreading, in addition to my translation work. And it's kind of crazy how much fic-writing and beta reading have helped me hone essential skills for that field!

It has also been a year of liberation, in the sense that I started out still quite nervous about exposing the depths of my particular depravities. As the new year approaches, I realize I'm quite different now; I have no problem listing out the specific things that most appeal to me in smut, or shamelessly hitting those same buttons over and over and over in my writing. I'm fueled and encouraged by the kudos and comments from people who are almost always there for it 💛 Thank you for always being in my morning AO3 e-mails.

For 2025, I want to go back through my older fics and give them minor makeovers; fixing some jank, standardizing punctuation, that kind of stuff. I also want to give closure to the non-oneshot fics that aren't finished. But mostly I want to keep joining fan events and giving myself anxiety over deadlines, because I love looking back at everything later and seeing some impact on the fandom. It's neat. It's kind of like having a social life.

I might branch out into Noctilucent and Jock Studio fics in 2025 too, in addition to my sporadic and, uh, specialized original work.

Mucho texto, end post

[dungbeatposse]

THE RAMPAGE AND COLOURS PT. 2✨🎨

turns out i am diligent enough to complete the series! thanks again for reading my rambles!! it's been really fun writing like this, using my thinker to delve deep into stuff. again, i'll try to keep it simple and short.

i'd love to here other's thoughts on what colour they think the rmpg member's are, and maybe i'll do another for other groups too :DDD

if you hadn't read part 1 yet, go here. there i covered likiya, zin, riku, kenta, rui, yamasho, kazuma and hokuto. now, i'm gonna finish it off with the last 8 members. note, these were harder to think about than the first post (and when i say hard, i mean fucking HARD). so buckle up yall.

shogo - celeste (#95bfbc)

initially, i wanted to give shogo a warm colour. maybe a yellow or orange, but it didn't feel like it suited shogo for me. i knew i wanted to choose a colour with very vintage vibes. then, celeste caught my eye. it's a bright blue that looks well on its own, but when paired with warmer colours, it shines brighter. shogo might not be one of my favourite members, but he is his own work of art. calmer, but still with a bright presence.

shohei - pale chartreuse (#cde37f)

it was either yellow or green for him. bouncing between two, i had a difficult choice to make. then, i went "why not the middle?" chartreuse is very striking and is mostly a colour that looks amazing on its own. however, it's also strong with other colours, being able to stand out amongst them. shohei is not just his goofiness, or his more hard-working side. for me, chartreuse is a colour that combines both of his strong aspects into a vibrant person that is shohei.

itsuki - ginger (#f0a748)

ok, i'm gonna be honest. i chose ginger because of mars. i couldn't help it! i also thought about giving him a white colour, but it didn’t really fit as well as orange did. i think that he also has very orange cat energy. he very much does his own thing and has a tiny bit of a chaotic side too, though his initial vibe is cool, calm and collected. like itsuki is a cat trapped in a human body.

kaisei - sea green (#43a36d)

when i think about kaisei, i think of strong. not just physically (gaddamn that man is CUT), but also how mentally strong he is. pairing that with how his soft and friendly his character is, i just knew i wanted to give him a nice natural colour. something that matches his growth and resilience while also maintaining a nice calmer shade to match his softer side. i think something like sea green that was rich and vibrant was perfect for kaisei.

makoto - royal blue (#3238b3)

i know, ruby red is probably a better choice, but here me out. makoto always gave me a very regal vibe, with his strong features and the way he carries himself. considering his h&l character having a blue theme, the cooler aura he tends to have and the regality he was giving me, i think royal blue suits him well. the deeper, richer blue tone that sticks out elegantly matches what i think of makoto.

ryu - wine red (#521e1c)

ryu was always going to be wine red for me. it’s a colour that’s not too obvious, but also not something that’s going to disappear into the background. along with the fact that ryu looks fucking great with darker reds, i specifically chose wine red because it’s a colour that isn’t bold but still manages to have a strong impact. it matches his less outspokenness, but his beautiful aura of both maturity and softness.

takuma - peach orange (#f0654d)

i think i default creativity as a shade closer to pink/peach. i initially wanted to go for salmon red, but i settled on something closer to orange because 1) his hair and 2) it’s closer to a spring colour that suits him. i admire his creativity and his interests in art and fashion. for me, takuma has a refreshing aura that’s both sweet and soft without being too subtle. which kind of made me think of peach flavoured konjac jelly.

takahide - light green (#83bd68)

oof. takahide… he was like the final boss. i cycled through several options before settling on this one. there was yellow, orange, light pink, red, even pastel purple. i started to look through his older looks, tsuji looks etc. i thought about giving the whole ass rainbow but that would be a cop out.

then, i thought about his relationship with ryu. where ryu is shyer and reserved, takahide is the opposite. making them mirror each other would be perfect! giving him a light green was a choice i never saw myself making. but somehow, it worked. maybe it’s because of how naturally charismatic takahide is (i always tend to associate charisma with green), maybe it’s because he does quite a few green hair looks, or maybe it’s because his emoji is a goddamn frog.

but it works!

[veebs-hates-video-games]

I accidentally wrote a post into Discord (i.e. rambled long enough that it turned into one), so I'll put it here too:

It's funny how most of the time everything in Spider-Man is blandly inoffensive to pretty decent, but when it escapes that range it's Not Good

The writing is usually pretty alright, nothing amazing but the characters are handled reasonably well and the plot moves things along

And then they briefly forget how real actual humans work

And do something that makes the standard making-fun-of-the-MCU's-dialog lines like "so that just happened" look good

Also people do literally say the lines people make fun of the writing in the MCU for word for word with no self awareness

I've also managed to glitch it into a state more than once where some map markers just don't show up on the map, or the map is fine but the object or trigger fails to load when you get where it's supposed to be

Quitting out of the game entirely and reloading it fixes everything, but it's still annoying

Someone should make actually good DC games that I like instead of the Arkham stuff, because I've always preferred DC over Marvel

Just reuse the DCUO hybrid universe with everyone's favorite versions of all the characters mashed together instead of being dark and edgy like the terrible movies or all the Batman stuff

I really do keep thinking "wow this game is extremely ok" though

😐👍

Never bad enough to stop playing, never good enough to really be excited about it

It also might be the most Liberal game I've ever played, or at least in a long time

Like there's heavy handed environmentalism all over the place and feel good helping homeless people and basically turning JJJ into diet Alex Jones, but then also being super pro cop and not really envisioning anything outside of the real world status quo being able to be anything other than bad/evil/criminal/etc.

Which is really kind of uninspiring after some of my favorite stuff from the past couple years has been either explicitly revolutionary/anti-cop like 1000xRESIST or Vengeful Heart, or a little further back implicitly like XC3, where fear of change and preserving the status quo at any cost is literally the antagonist, who you have to build mutual aid networks to defeat

For real though, I'd love a single player offline game with the tone and bright colors and greatest hits vibes of DCUO (which I haven't played in several years at this point), even though it'll never happen. And I also wish big budget stuff like this could be as provocative and thought-provoking as something like 1000xRESIST or Vengeful Heart or more quietly subversive like Xenoblade Chronicles 3 instead of being so risk-averse. I really should be spending my time on more stuff like that, but I guess this works for now while there's still construction going on nearby and it's harder to focus on more involved things ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[sugiwa]

hi i just went on a binge spree of reading all ur izumi fics and can i just say i LOVE ur characterization of shouto (chews on my walls) he's so cheeky at times yet still a dumbass who's still learning to socialize and he's so funny when he doesn't mean to be! also they way that u show how he feels safe with izumi with how he falls asleep on her on the train always made me melt. WAAAAAAAAAA

the way u write their banter feels so natural for siblings yet still showcases their underlying feelings and apprehension for each other in a way that always has me excited to see their next interaction yet at the same time dreading what angst shall befall them next (falls to my knees inside a walmart) i spent like 3 days reading non stop and my eyes r lowkey straining to see my phone screen from all the crying i did + staying up til like 4am but it was so worth it.

i'm excited to see how their reunion with touya will go in WHD and i am even more ready to witness endeavor's suffering ❤️ even if he's trying to atone i'm glad that u stuck with the idea that izumi doesn't have to forgive him because she doesn't! u never have to forgive the people that hurt u. also the fact that touya returned izumi's medal to her and it resolved some of her insecurities on being a hero really solidified my love for the way u write the todorokis

BITW also made me mf BAWL the relationship between toga and twice and izumi was so so so good and it's easily one of my favorite league fics!! it humanizes them so well and really sends forth the message of the world within bnha not being as black and white as many fans may think. toga and izumi being bts fans of all things was so cute and it rlly shows just how human they are with their own hobbies and interests outside of being a hero or a villain. showcasing all might's failures as a mentor was also greatly appreciated and i love the subplots with all the students. u ignited a newfound love for momo within me and got me thinking abt uraraka with more respect than i have before. girlbosses everywhere so true !!!

ok i'm gonna stop now bc this is getting way too long also sorry this feels like it was super all over the place but i just wanted to say u don't have to reply to this i just rlly needed to get all my feelings out so i can go back to playing stardew without feeling restless. thank u for ur work !!! i'm excited to read any further updates from u :>

Hello!! I've likely reread this a million times by now, so thank you for sending it. WHD does take me a bit longer to write these days because I want to pay particular attention to how Touya's story plays out and often that ends up holding a lot more weight than I expect, but it always lightens the load when I remember how much it means to my readers.

Having a lot of siblings actually makes the Todorokis so easy to write--it's often the other characters that Izumi interacts with that are harder to write. Shouto particularly is my favorite and comes to me a lot easier than people like Bakugou and Midoriya.

Tbh, BITW is something I wish I had done as a long-fix rather than a short one-shot, but I was and am happy with how it turned out, so thank you go enjoying it and letting me know how much you enjoyed it.

Here's to lots more chapters and more of Izumi in the future. I hope you had fun playing Stardew and I hope that your eyes have recovered from the strain (thank you for being so dedicated and going through that long journey!) ❤️❤️

[this-is-krikkit]

Heyy Krikkit! How's everything? I'd like to request number 24 “Well, that’s embarrassing", please and thank you 🙃

hey Alice! everything's alright, i hope you're well too! 🥰

this was initially going to be light and fun, but i got a different idea so i changed it up a bit. hope you like it, thank you so much for sending a prompt!! ♥️♥️

send me a number and a ship/character, and i'll write you a drabble!

Relief (ao3 link because now it's a multichap canon divergent fic woot woot)

Characters: Levi, Hange, The 104th kids, Onyankopokon

Tags: snk 132, canon divergent, fix it fic sort of, hange is alive and well, i mean... yeah hange's alive, angst, just imagine those mechanics were better at their jobs than in canon ok? ok thx

.

The honest shock in the gasp that escaped Hange's lips when Levi's fist hit their chest, louder than the sound of countless Colossals approaching, burned its way into his ears and engraved itself into his memory with so much force he almost backed away then. He stopped thinking as a Captain and a soldier for a second, stopped putting the entire world's value above what their life meant to his, and almost disregarded their last order to let them go and look as cool as possible to everyone else while he alone would be stuck remembering their shaking hands and voice as they prepared themself to fly off to their death –if he even made it out alive himself.

Except Hange had been his closest friend for a decade and outstanding leader for almost half that time; Hange had been steering the wheel of this sorry army of theirs with the last bit of strength in their formidable spirit and visionary mind in those direst of circumstances, and Hange wouldn't request this of him if they hadn't thought every other possibility through and weren't past ready to cross that line.

Hange had always dedicated their heart to the cause they rightfully supported, and now wasn't the time for Levi to challenge their last command. Now was the time for him to dedicate his own, and let them go –no matter if he shattered it in the process.

"Shinzou wo sasageyo,” he recited solemnly, looking ahead, thankful for once for their mirrored injuries, and their current position that prevented either of them from seeing the other's face.

He still heard and felt the sharp intake of breath they drew in after the words had tumbled from his mouth, and for a second there when he could feel their heart starting to beat harder and faster under his fingers, could feel the cruel scorch of unrealistic hope –that those words might have made a difference, that Hange might have perceived the corrosive sting that declaration inflicted on his tongue and the meaning under it and somehow changed their mind– flowing from the veins of his left hand directly into his heart.

Their posture straightened soon after anyway, their sternum pushing back against his hand that he let fall in defeat as their feet carried them away from him and a chuckle made its way through their lips.

"Ha, ha! It's the first time I've ever heard you-

The sound of quick, human-light steps drowned the rest of their sentence and Levi's head shot up to watch Mikasa nearing their spot, her mouth opening as she closed in on them.

"Hange-san, wait! Onyankopon just said the plane's ready to go!"

Levi felt more than he saw Hange turn around again to face the kid as he took in the words she'd just spoken, praying Gods he never believed in that his ears and eye weren't playing tricks on him under the loud sound of the advancing Rumbling and the dust that was starting to saturate the air all around them.

“Are you shitting us right now?” he asked, not recognizing his own voice, not sure it even carried far enough that she'd hear him.

“Come on, hurry up!” Mikasa shouted again, before sprinting away back where she'd come from.

The faked glee faded from Hange's face and they stared at Levi like they had that day they'd reached the Jeager basement and found out about the world outside the Walls, like they needed him to confirm his relative's words.

He could be of little help to them right now, when his own brain was having trouble understanding the situation, when his mind hadn't nearly recovered from this most recent whiplash. But he still nodded their way and started moving.

The two veterans walked towards the others and the plane, and Levi couldn't help but wonder if Hange, only a few meters ahead of him, was matching his pace out of kindness to not leave him behind, or if their legs too felt like they had to move through thick, ton-weighing mud with each step.

“Guess I'm not dying today after all,” they said suddenly.

Their humorless tone made a shiver run down Levi's spine and he looked at them sharply, his hand wrapping around their wrist.

“Hange,” he called when the contact didn't prove enough to make them turn around and face him.

But they only laughed a strangled, wet chuckle that sounded so unlike them, and refused to look back at him. Instead, they shook his hold off and picked up their pace, quickly reaching the others and helping them push the repaired floating plane into the water.

He didn't hear them speak again until they were all safe sitting inside the aircraft and they turned to face Armin, still panting from the effort they'd all just put into getting out of the hangar that had now been crushed by rubble the Colossals had shot its way while advancing.

"Well, that's embarrassing after that goodbye speech but... Armin, would you mind if I back-pedalled on that Commander promotion? At least for the time being?" they asked, a familiar, playful grin splitting their face as they looked at everyone but Levi.

"Of course not!” Armin replied, blushing at the direct address. “I'm only relieved you didn't have to sacrifice yourself for us.”

Agreeing noises could be heard from the other Scouts.

"Right, me too,” they said, their smile faltering ever so slightly. “Me too.”

“Everyone, hang on tight! We're taking off,” Onyankopon warned from the cockpit.

The cabin shook and thundered, but the deafening noise and trembling floor weren't distraction enough for Levi to detach his stare from the surreal vision of Hange, still alive and breathing, settling in the seat directly across from his own.

They readjusted their cape around their slumped frame, their still shaking hands lingering against the spot his fist had touched minutes ago. He let his eye wander to their face, spotted the tensed jaw, the downward edges of their mouth now, and the tears welling up under their one iris, and he knew for sure then.

Hange wasn't relieved one bit.

[sparring-spirals]

i want to ask your thoughts about ylfa from neverafter because eeeeee some many thoughts and i love your meta

thank you! :D i am Also full of Neverafter thoughts, and ESPECIALLY Ylfa thoughts, albeit with minimal time to ruminate on them, much less write meta. We're nearly at the next ep being released so I'm just going to toss some half marinated angstier thoughts at you for now rather than delay it another week! My apologies in advance for haphazardness!

tldr bc it got a little long: ylfa and rage and fear and preteen girls and that self sacrificial streak and monsters and princesses and. idk. its not super coherent ok.

In a rough order:

- God, I love Emily Axford's commitment to playing her characters as like...unflinchingly true to what she says they are. This IS an awkward preteen girl with all of that aching sincerity and hunger and rage and kindness and growing discomfort and also just. Tooth-aching awkwardness. Perfect.

- Emily Axford has Such A Big Brain for the way that this little Red is a barbarian, is a werewolf that she doesn't want to be. Little preteen girls with a rage that rips the world apart, the rage only matched by their bone deep fear of it.

- Red says over and over: I really appreciate a strong authority figure. I appreciate having some rules enforced. I like having guidance on what to do next. And I just. Augh. Of course! Of course. Shes a kid. She's a kid. She's not quite a kid anymore. She is outside of a house, hulking and dangerous and her skin and body different, and she is pleading in a voice distorted by something she is scared of, asking her mom to open the door, please. She's her kid. She's scared.

- Red is scared- Red was scared of the wolf, of what happened after straying, but in front of that house- by the time we meet her- Red is not quite scared of the wolf. She is scared of herself. She is scared of the damage she can do, the damage she brings. She is scared of monsters, but mostly the ones in the mirror.

- Red says: Women are either princesses, or monsters. And she's not a princess.

- (I love this refrain, this detail from her so much, there's SO MANY LAYERS to it. Like yes Rosamund and herself, yes Emily's comment during AP about werewolves as a puberty story and others perceiving. Its also about binaries and falling short of a bar and monstrous failure and "i think there's something wrong in me that others don't have, something fundamentally flawed-" and- god its fucking good. This could have its own meta.)

- Red is- wildly self sacrificial, and from tactics POV, like great! Barbarian tank! but also. Like. Fuck! This is a little girl. Far from home, with all of that unsureness and shyness and regret and something deeper that makes her keep. Putting herself out first. Everything she says to Mother Goose about: I think Rosamund is the key, so I'll protect her. I think you and your book might be the trick. I'll put myself in front of you. I create a bottleneck and stare down a sea of furniture to give my companions their shot. I breathe through the pain and let the girl fade and the beast take over.

- Red just wants an authority figure and some assurance. She just wants friends, she wants companionship and understanding, she wants to keep the people around her safe from the danger in her, she wants something to strive for.

- Red is at a fork between an easier story and a harder one and says. I want the easy story. I want soft endings and cookies and kindness. I don't want this hardship.

- Of course she doesn't. She's a kid.

- She's human.

- Red follows her grandmother down the harder path, eager for a guiding figure. She is tricked, maybe. But at the end of it- hearing about greater stories, about Mother Goose needing her help- she looks the hardship in the eye, and chooses to keep going.

- She comes back more wolf, less girl, this time. Stars in her eyes when she talks to Rosamund (a princess! In all the ways that matter.). Apologies for the claws and the flaws.

- Ylfa turns herself into forms that best serves the people around her, and apologizes profusely for it, and eagerly accepts guidance and correction. Ylfa says some girls are not meant to be princesses, best make the most of being a monster.

- "You royals keep beasts at your side! I will fight alongside you proudly."

- A bunch of cowards and the bravest little girl in the world. the bravest little girl, nothing to lose. the bravest little girl, scared to the bone and apologetic and furious and monstrous.

- "I'm thinking that- Survival doesn't feel inspiring, but I guess protecting does."

[small-plant-friends]

Hey there, long time! Somehow, you're the only person I still follow who loves Star Wars, and I just wanted to share an article (link below) that came out today. Do you agree/disagree with the article's premise that Star Wars, the MCU, etc. serve as an outlet for folks who are looking for meaning outside of traditional religion?

https://thehill.com/opinion/civil-rights/3986205-a-new-hope-star-wars-day-is-about-more-than-just-a-movie-franchise/

Ok well you've got me going now. Not sure if you were expecting all this but I've been wanting to write an essay and this is a great prompt for me. I honestly don't know if I even answered the question, this is all just rambling. So first off I think it is very important for me to say all of this is my own opinion and I am not a researcher. Also this article is very pro-organized religion.

The article is a very good one. I found it really interesting but not for the reason the article is talking about . The article is basically speaking on the ways in which people are leaving religion, as things like Star Wars and the MCU become more popular. Now I want to make it very clear that I in no way think that Star Wars or the MCU or anything else of the sort are a religion. The article touches on this by saying “of course most Star Wars Day observants are not true believers of the Jedi religion.” 

The article says “even though the vast majority of fans …are not consciously seeking a religious experience, the fact that people in wealthy, technologically advanced nations are turning away from traditional religion may make them more likely to turn fandom into something that resembles faith.” This is where I really start to disagree with the article. This quote is basically saying that people are thinking of fandom as a religion because they don't believe in any traditional religions. They go so far as to say “…research suggests that the growing interest in these alternative beliefs is driven by the need for meaning that traditional religious faiths have historically helped meet.” It is very, very important to point out this research article that is linked is from a journal website and it is therefore not a reliable source. This is a statement saying that religion is a vital part of the human experience and we must feel the absence of it. Now I can say personally, the absence of religion is felt in my life but in a way that is keeping me from ever joining another religion (I was previously christian, it was not the best experiance). This article is so pro-religious that I don't find anything in the article to be an unbiased analysis of the connection between religion and fandom. 

Now, with all that out of the way, here in the opinion of a 21 year old college senior. Disclaimer, I was a hard core christian for the first 13/14 years of my life and have been out of the religion completely for the last 6 years. Also I am a fine arts major, neither writing or research is my specialty, I was just asked a question and had some big thoughts on it. 

So, to segway into this and quote the article one more time with possibly the only thing I agreed with, it says, “...function of fiction suggests content like “Star Wars” isn’t mere entertainment.” Even though the article was using this quote to say Star Wars isnt just entertainment because it was made to secretly be pushed into a religion, this is still true. Stories that people get so invested in are not just entertainment, but a community. I don't think people need religion to have a fulfilled life the way the article above says, but we do need community. With things like growing mental illness, and covid, make these community connections in real life harder than ever before. One way we make a community connection is with the shows and film themselves. People get invested in shows, we become part of the story, we feel anxiety over the plot, and we mourn characters that aren't real but that grief absolutely is real. Christiane Manzella is a grief counselor at the Seleni Institute for Women, she is cited in a TIME article stating “We create meaning and then experience actual grief when that connection is broken.” We love and lose with the people we see on screen just the same as if we knew the fictional people face to face. 

This brings me to the next point; fandom. Fandom is another way that people create community. I don't think it is a religion, I don't think anyone in fandom thinks it's a religion but it is just as important to some people as religions are to others. All fandoms of all parts of media are a way for people to find deep connections with those that have like minds. We grieve together, we celebrate together and we create a sense of community surrounded by many of the same ideas. These are also things that most religions have but most people in fandom don't worship the fandom or blindly believe in the fandom with no critical thinking in regard to the bad things that inevitably occur in fandom. Now there is an increase in people, especially young people joining alternate religions but its not because of fandoms but more directed to the blind faith and support of the bad things that happen and are actively supported by religions.

@zuko-is-crazy I'm so sorry if I rambled myself right out of answering your question but this is an essay on the thoughts that sparked in my mind when I saw your ask.

Dockterman, E. (2015, April 24). 'grey's anatomy' Derek Shepherd: It's OK to mourn MCDREAMY DEATH. Time. Retrieved May 4, 2023, from https://time.com/3834589/grief-counselor-mourn-fictional-character-death/ 

[fallenasleepyetagain]

Sew - Dream/Nightmare Fanfic

NOTE: I do not write Dream and Nightmare as brothers, and they are not related in this story.

Media: UTMV/UTAU

Genre: Apple incident, human AU, pre established relationship (kinda?), general domestic living (I guess) until Nightmare FUCKS EVERYTHING UP, not canon compliant, my own DreamTale lore hehe <3, angst

Characters: Dream, King Nightmare, Opal-Ann (OC), & general unnamed villagers

Pairing: Dream/Nightmare

CW/TW: Minor transphobia, implied sexism, death, idk Nightmare going insane and destroying everything I guess, mentions of gore

Other Notes: I call this one the “Nightmare doesn’t fuck everything up” timeline <3

Word Count: ~6296 Words

Dream paced around the Tree of Feelings, arms crossed his chest. Nightmare was never late, to anything! Especially not when the moon was setting! Dream had woken up extra early to make sure he wouldn't miss Nightmare coming up to rest.

So...where was he?

He bit down on his lip, anxious. He...hoped that the villagers didn't do anything to Nightmare. If anything happened to Nightmare, anything bad at all, he didn't know what he would do! Nightmare was too important to him.

Gentle footsteps crunched the autumn leaves and Dream perked up almost immediately. Nightmare was okay!

Huzzah!!!

"NIGHTMARE!" Dream shrieked, and barreled down the hill.

Unfortunately, Dream didn't have much foresight and therefore did not anticipate that Nightmare wasn't ready for a tackle hug. Upon seeing the look of surprise on his face, Dream knew what was going to happen.

And it was going to happen fast. There was no time to anticipate it, only to take it.

The massive grimoire that Nightmare was holding collided with his head, sending him face-first into the dirt.

Nightmare stared at him for a couple of seconds before bursting into laughter. He hunched over, laughing harder than he ever had before, going so far as to drop his book on the ground.

After taking a second to recover, Dream stood up, spitting out some grass and dirt. Nightmare was still wheezing as he did this, but managed to pick up his book anyway.

"Ahahaha! Ah, ha, ahem. You okay there Dreamy?"

"Eyeah! I'm good."

"Fantastic."

Nightmare walked up the hill and using the pulley system Dream had installed, lowered their chest full of stuff and set the book down inside. He stayed standing for a moment, just looking at it.

Dream plopped up the hill after him, placing his head on Nightmare's shoulder. He looked down at the book Nightmare had put into the chest and spoke, "That's a new book."

"It's a grimoire. It has a bunch of myths and cryptic stuff in it."

"Cool."

"It is cool. Cooler than anything you can wrap your tiny brain around." Nightmare scoffed, flicking Dream's nose.

"Hey!"

Despite the chuckle that left him, Nightmare sat down at the base of the tree with a heavy sigh. He curled up, putting his head in between his knees. His purple eyes stayed focused on the rising sun, his eye bags becoming prevalent.

Dream sat down next to him and got real close. Their shoulders were touching and Nightmare turned his head to look at Dream.

"Nightmare."

"Dream."

"Are...you ok?"

"I'm fine."

Dream nudged Nightmare with his foot, "I know you think I'm an idiot, but I'm not."

"Debatable."

"Nightmare!" Nightmare snorted as Dream retaliated. "I'm serious! I know you better than anyone, and I can tell that something is up with you."

"Talk to me," Dream said softly, practically begging as Nightmare turned his head away, breaking eye contact.

It took him a moment, and it took Dream giving him a soft kiss on his cheek, but Nightmare folded. He always did when it came to Dream. He smoothed out his skirt that had gathered some grass, "I don't like it when the villagers call me a girl."

"Do you not feel like a girl?"

Nightmare shook his head, "...No? At least I don't think so? I think I'd feel better if I was a boy, like you."

"I could call you a boy if it would help. I never really saw you as a girl if it helps, gender is weird."

"Hah. But, yes, it would." Nightmare leaned into Dream, his eyes closing. "Dream, would you mind doing something for me?"

"Never! Whatever you want Nighty."

"Will you take one of my skirts today, and make it a pair of pants? I don't own a pair, unfortunately."

"Of course, I can do that! I haven't sewn a pair of pants in ages..."

"You can do it then?"

"Nightmare!" Dream gasped before grabbing Nightmare's face, squeezing his cheeks, "Of course I can do it! I'd do anything for you.

"You know that. Right?"

"I...do. I do know that." Nightmare put his hands on Dream's, pulling them off his face. He looked down at them, intertwining their fingers.

"One more thing."

"Yeah?"

"If I were to do something mortally abhorrent, something so terrible, that I would be compared to Satan himself, would you forgive me?"

"Haha, what."

"If I did something so dreadful, so horrendous, that it would confirm all those lies and rumors people spread about me, would you still care for me? Would you still love me?" Nightmare's tone shifted, his face in a dark scowl.

"Night I don't-"

"Answer the question Dream. Now."

"I-I mean, of course I would?" Dream sputtered, tucking back some of Nightmare's long black hair behind his ear.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Cool. See? That wasn't so hard." Nightmare hummed, suddenly completely calm. "I'm heading off to bed, g'night."

Despite Dream's protests for an explanation, Nightmare kissed him on the forehead before standing up and leaping into the tree. For someone who wore skirts all the time and had hair constantly in his face, Nightmare was very skilled when it came to climbing trees.

That was that. Dream had no chance of getting Nightmare now, not when he was in the tree. He huffed, what was that all about? Was Nightmare planning on doing something bad?

It was entirely possible that he was. Nightmare had hidden things from Dream in the past. But he had gotten so serious and extremely eloquent...it made Dream worry.

Regardless, Dream figured he should get to work on the pants. It wouldn't be that hard, he was surprisingly good at sewing! It was just built into him. The villagers hated when he did it though. They believed that since he was a boy, he shouldn't be doing the sewing.

There were many things wrong with that line of thinking, of course. One of the things about it that bothered Dream was that it implied that he was a boy. And he guessed he was? Although the way that the other villagers were boys felt different than how Dream felt like a boy. He wasn't even sure if "boy" was the right word.

In the chest that Nightmare had lowered stored everything they owned. Which, to be fair, wasn't much. It was mostly books that Nightmare had been given by the local librarian (she was a lovely lady) and extra sets of clothing. Most of the clothes in there were Dream's, since he tended to get messier than Nightmare.

The longest skirt that Nightmare owned sat neatly on the other side of his books. Worst case scenario, he'd have to make Nightmare a new skirt, which he could do easily. He made himself a skirt once to match Nightmare, but tensions had begun to rise between them and the villagers, so he never had the chance to wear it out.

The last thing he wanted was to give more reason for the villagers to harass Nightmare.

Yes, he knew about it! He wasn't stupid! And Nightmare wasn't the only one who was suffering because of them. They weren't exactly saints to Dream either. For being the villagers' Guardians, they seemed to hate them a lot.

Either way, he was going to make Nightmare those pants! Nightmare would look good in pants, although he could pull off anything if he wanted to. He bundled the skirt up into his arms and trotted into town.

Most of the townsmen were already up and doing work, but many of the stores didn't officially open until Nightmare was gone.

Which was, wow, harsh.

Regardless, by the time he got into town, people were out and about. He kept his head down, just looking at the skirt in his arms. Occasionally people said good morning to him, and he replied quickly, not wanting to get up into a conversation with anyone.

Since the last summer, every single conversation he had with anyone except Nightmare had something to do with him "getting away from the witch."

It upset him. Nightmare was the furthest thing from a witch or a demon or whatever they were calling him! Dream adored Nightmare, and he just wanted him to be happy and safe.

The dread he felt when he approached the store that he needed to go was insurmountable. The lady who worked inside was one of the worst when it came to being cruel toward Nightmare and harassing Dream. If he could avoid talking with her, then he would.

Maybe he'd get lucky and her daughter would be at the counter instead. All he needed was some dark purple thread, that was it. He had lilac and a very desaturated purple, but he wanted this to be perfect.

Going from skirt to pants would be difficult, and he wasn't sure how many seams he'd be able to hide. It'd be a new process, but he'd figure it out. He always did.

A soft bell rang as he entered and his face fell as he saw who it was behind the counter. It wasn't the daughter, that was for sure. The woman was working on her project and Dream braced himself.

"Oh, good morning Dream."

"Mornin. Can I..." his eyes scanned the array of threat colors behind her, "have that dark purple right there?"

"Dream, look. I respect that you are a guardian and all, but that purple is incredibly expensive. I can't just give you it without you giving me money."

Ah, right. This was a business. Dream forgot about that.

"Plus, I see that skirt. You should make Nightmare mend her own clothing instead of going to those frivolous poetry readings."

For a moment, Dream's mind went dark and his vision red. Those readings were one of the only things Nightmare loved about the village. It was the only place that Nightmare could show off his literary prowess.

The people who went were all unmarried men, and Nightmare fit right in. He commanded the room whenever he spoke. While Dream didn't understand most poetry (Nightmare often wrote his poems in Latin or Greek; languages Dream didn't understand) he knew how important it was to him.

Dream had actually gone to one of the poetry readings and watched in awe as Nightmare's words painted a picture in the air where they hung. His voice captivated Dream, it took him by his collar and pulled him close.

Maybe Nightmare was a witch. Dream didn't mind being under his spell.

Thoughts of Nightmare swarmed his mind as he looked into the pale eyes of the lady across the counter. Nightmare wanted pants and Dream was going to give it to him, no matter what!

Even if it meant lying in the worst way possible.

"I know. Nightmare was actually wanting to learn how to mend clothing. So I figured I'd get some thread to show how it's done!"

"You clever boy," Dream internally scowled. I'm older than your entire bloodline. "Here, I can't give you much, but I hope it teaches that girl to do something productive."

The dark purple thread was put onto the counter and Dream swiped it without a second thought. He didn't care what the lady was saying to him after that and he left the store in a fit of rage.

What did Nightmare do to deserve that kind of treatment?! What did Dream do to get the harsh criticisms from people?! What did either of them ever do?!?

All they ever did was be forced into the position of guardian and protect the apples!

There was never a day that went by that he wasn't grateful for the placement of the tree that they lived under. It was on a high hill, overlooking the village. Dream and Nightmare could look down on the villagers, but they couldn't get a clear look up. It was awfully steep, but Dream didn't care.

Once he got to the top of the hill, he threw himself down, anger still commanding his every move. He took in a deep breath, feeling Nightmare's skirt in his hands. He looked up, and seeing Nightmare resting away in the tree made him feel better.

Nightmare's long black hair was draped over his face, and Dream's heart couldn't stop racing. Nightmare was so...so handsome and perfect! Dream couldn't take it!

Suddenly his vigor returned, and he began working on the pants. He used his own pants as reference, since they were the same height. He had pulled out his sewing stuff from the chest, it resting next to him in the grass as he worked. As the day passed, the boys of the village ran up the hill, begging Dream to hang out with them.

They huffed and poured and whined when he shook his head and told them no. It was mid-afternoon when they finally gave up and went to play by themselves. Dream didn't mind hanging out or playing with them, it made him feel young. But sometimes work came first, and he had to do it.

Although he wasn't working the whole day. He somehow managed to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon, hands mid-stitch when he lost consciousness. It was a miracle he didn't end up stabbing himself with the needle.

It was the evening when he woke up, and he felt like dying. Those afternoon naps killed him!

Dream rubbed his eyes and looked down at his lap. In his hands was the skirt that he was working on and, oh! He was almost done, surprisingly. There were a few seams he needed to clean up and hide, but it was looking like pants now. To his left, was a small bag full of grapes and blueberries.

On the bag were the initials of the local librarian, an old lady named Opal-Ann. She also cared about Nightmare, and always pushed him to read and write. Dream liked her. She was one of the only good people in the entire village.

Old people were just like that, he supposed.

The fruit was fresh and he placed a few pieces in his mouth. He didn't need food, being immortal and all. But he liked the full feeling in his stomach when he did eat. He'd eat just about anything, including things considered inedible.

Nightmare fed him a skull once.

That was fun.

Just as the sun went down, Dream had finished. He stood up and looked at his fine-crafted work. It was perfect and he grinned. It would go perfectly with Nightmare's shirts and he was sure Nightmare would love it.

Oh jeez, Dream didn't want to wait! He opened the chest and threw the pants into it before beginning his ascent into the tree. He had been climbing trees his whole life, but it was always a struggle for him. He would often slip and fall and give Nightmare heart attacks.

Nightmare, of course, was graceful and quick whenever he scaled up a tree. He was efficient and did just about anything. Dream's excitement shot him up the tree and he perched himself a few feet away from where Nightmare was sleeping.

It was pretty impressive how Nightmare was able to sleep in the tree. Dream just slept on the ground. Nightmare was draped over a branch and his limbs seemed like they were clamped around it.

"Nightmare..." Dream whispered. No movement.

"Nightmare."

Nothing.

Dream tore a dead stick from the tree and poked Nightmare with it. He stirred for a moment and Dream huffed impatiently.

With incredible accuracy, Dream nailed the stick right onto Nightmare's face, "Nightmare!"

"AAUGAH!?"

Then he slammed against the ground. Dream hummed in satisfaction and hopped down himself. Nightmare was not pleased with him. The moment Dream was on his feet Nightmare yanked him close by the collar and seethed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I finished your pants!" Dream chirped, taking Nightmare's hands off of his collar and holding them.

All of Nightmare's crankiness dissipated almost immediately. He took his hands from Dream's and rubbed his eyes, trying to fully wake up. Dream walked over to the chest and pulled out the pants before showing them to Nightmare. His stunning purple eyes lit up as he took them from Dream.

Without saying a word, Nightmare grabbed Dream's hand and pulled him down the hill. The sun was still setting in the sky but the light it gave was fading. The moon would be new that night as well, meaning that there would be little light to guide them.

Getting to the library before dark would be easy though, since it wasn't far from the Tree. It was actually on the opposite side of the village from the Tree, meaning that you could see it from the top of the hill.

Most people were inside by now, but the occasional person was closing up shop. One of the people, of course, was the lady who sold him the thread for Nightmare's pants. He avoided making eye contact with her.

There was an aura of tension that radiated from everyone outside, Nightmare included. He was holding Dream's hand so tight that it hurt. As if he was worried Dream would run away the moment he had the chance.

Nightmare walked with power, as if he had reserved himself to something. Dream didn't know what it was. His eyes darted around at the villagers and their glares pierced his soul.

Is this what Nightmare had to deal with every night? Dream squeezed Nightmare's hand and sped up so he was closer to him.

Much to Dream's relief, they reached the library sooner than he expected.

Before Nightmare could grab the door's knob, it opened. Dream saw the person slowly reveal herself from the other side of the door. She was around the same size as them, and was very old. She had to be the littlest, oldest lady Dream had ever seen. She had a shawl wrapped around her shoulders and a long skirt. It has been ages since he actually went to the library and she looked much older.

"Greetings Opal-Ann," Nightmare stated flatly, entering the library without even taking a glance at her. He finally dropped Dream's hand and beelined it to the room in the back.

"Good evening young man." Then she turned her attention to Dream. "Hello. It's been quite a while, Guardian of Positivity."

Dream shifted uncomfortably as she closed the door behind him. "...Hi."

"Dream, dear." She put a hand on his shoulder, and her eyes fell. Dream raised an eyebrow at her. "Please, protect him. I worry about what they'll do to him when I'm gone. Don't let them do anything to him."

"What...do you mean?"

Opal-Ann just patted his shoulder before turning away and slowly trotting off. Dream thought that he should say something but he couldn't find it in him to even speak.

He turned his attention to Nightmare who had stepped out of the back room. His black hair had been pulled back and neatly settled into a ponytail. Dream couldn't control himself as he gasped and ran over to Nightmare, picking him up.

There was very little room in the library, but Dream twirled Nightmare anyway. The two were quiet, but Dream squealed silently anyway. Nightmare didn't attempt to break free like he usually did. He gripped onto Dream's back, shoving his face into his neck like a lifeline.

"You look so handsome." Dream whispered, setting Nightmare down. He stayed there for a moment, keeping Dream close, before pulling away. His hands came up to Dream's cheeks and he scoffed.

"And you look absolutely exhausted."

Per usual, Nightmare was right. His hand ran over Dream's eye bags and he yawned. "Here." Near the entrance of the library, was a bench with cushioning. The bench, which was more adjacent to a cabinet, was pushed up against a wall of books.

"Lay down on it." Nightmare instructed, "I have a book I've been wanting to read, so you can use my lap as a pillow."

Dream did just that. He slipped his boots off before climbing onto the cushion, of course, since he didn't want to get it dirty. The moment his head hit Nightmare's lap, a wave of fatigue hit him. His eyes shut before he could figure out what was happening.

The last thing he remembered before prompting passing out was the feeling of Nightmare running his hand through his fire-red coils.

Then, there was screaming.

It was startling and Dream rolled off the cushion, landing hard onto the floor. His eyes darted around, but Nightmare wasn't anyone in his vision.

Shit!

What had happened?

On the opposite side of the library was a large group of people, shouting and arguing. He stumbled to his feet and slipped his boots back on.

The other side of the library was Opal-Ann's room. Panic surged through Dream as he rushed to the other side, shoving his way through the people in front of the door.

Opal-Ann was in her bed. Dead. Her face was peaceful, and she looked like she was asleep. But the feelings of those around him told him otherwise.

"What...happened?"

"That witch killed her!"

"WHAT?!" Dream was in shock. He was angry too. Nightmare adored Opal-Ann and her library, there was no way that he would hurt her! He couldn't, wouldn't, believe that Nightmare would do such a thing. "Nightmare wouldn't do that!"

"You're under her spell, of course you think she wouldn't."

"Opal-Ann was under a spell too, that's why she was unable to see her death coming."

"Poor woman..."

Dream couldn't stand being there anymore. He ran out of the room, out of the library. The situation outside was even worse than the one inside.

All of the villagers were crowded, shouting and talking amongst themselves. They had torches and pitchforks and oh shit.

They were going to kill Nightmare.

Where was Nightmare?!

After forcing his way through the crowd, Dream got a glimpse of Nightmare's black hair from the top of the hill. He ran up at a speed he didn't know that he could go. Before he reached the top, he stumbled and slammed down into the ground.

"Nighty..." Nightmare looked down at him, a determined look in his eyes. Dream inhaled sharply as he saw one of the black apples in his hands.

What was he planning?

"Nightmare, what's going on? They want to kill you, tell them you didn't-"

"Shh." Nightmare crouched down, putting a finger against Dream's lips. Dream looked up at him helplessly, blushing at the sight of him, despite the circumstances. God, he looked good in pants. "There's nothing either of us can do now. Do you remember the promise you made me?"

With the finger against his lips, he couldn't respond properly. But Dream nodded anyway.

"Good." Nightmare took a deep breath and helped Dream to his feet. He gently pushed back one of Dream's coils behind his ear, before sighing deeply. "I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for this?"

"For whaAHG-?!" Dream rolled down the hill, still in shock as Nightmare pushed him. He tumbled down the hill, getting grass and dirt in his mouth. He looked up, the sun barely peaking over the hill and the tree. He couldn't see Nightmare's face.

But he could hear him.

This moment seared itself into his mind. It would never leave him, even years after.

The world stood still, and the wind began to howl. It wasn't cold, but goosebumps rose on Dream's arms and he shivered.

Bile shoved its way through his esophagus as Nightmare bit into the apple in his hands. The negativity was overwhelming. How was that even possible? Nightmare had only eaten the one!

Nightmare was clever though. Always was.

Especially good with magic too. There was a reason he was called a witch after all. Dream's only guess was that Nightmare had, somehow, allowed one apple to hold the power of multiple?

No, that was stupid.

How did he...?

There wasn't any time to ask as screams rang out and the mob of people trampled over him.

The valley erupted into chaos.

Dream struggled to get to his feet, and almost immediately regretted it when he did. Hot, red blood splattered against his face and he felt dizzy as he saw it on his hands.

With his heart beating heavy in his chest, he began his ascent up to the tree, and to Nightmare. He kept his head down, using his right arm to block his face. He could hear the screams, the squelching of blood and guts splatting against the ground.

A scream of his own came as the tree came crashing down, a large branch being flung at him. Dirt and muck came flying up and he dove to the ground.

Once his eyes opened, the golden shimmer of an apple greeted him. As his world crumbled around him, it called to him. He cradled the apple in his hands, feeling its warmth.

The sound of screams and buildings being torn down echoed in the background. Dream didn't want to look. He didn't want to associate those sounds with Nightmare.

A tear slipped from his eye as he glanced up the hill, the decimated remains of the tree being the only thing up there. The apples that once glowed in shimmering blacks and yellows were now on the ground, rotting.

Dream brought the apple to his mouth, and with a crunch all too familiar, he bit into it.

It tasted positively delicious.

The juices from it split down his chin, and he almost forgot where he was and what was happening. Sheer power surged through him, and suddenly he felt more reckless than he ever had before. He got to his feet, the gravity of the situation hitting him once more.

It was worse than he thought. Nightmare, who was barely recognizable due to being nothing but a purple and black blur in the air, had killed and destroyed everything.

How was he supposed to react? Was he supposed to be angry? Scared? Proud? He felt like he should be angry. He felt like he should be enraged at Nightmare, or paralyzed as he watched his unfold.

Unfortunately for Dream, he was neither of those things. He felt nothing but the adrenaline pumping in his veins and the need to stop Nightmare at all costs.

Violence wasn't necessary, at least Dream didn't think so. If he could just talk to Nightmare, maybe everything would be okay. Maybe they would have to leave town forever, considering the damage. But he would figure it out.

He always did. He had no other choice.

Nightmare was in the center of town, horrible black tentacles thrashing behind his back. Blood was splattered on his pants and arms, but none of it appeared to be his own.

Bodies were torn apart and the final survivors were trying to stand their own. It didn't do them much good though, Nightmare was powerful. Too powerful. He had to stop this before Nightmare got rid of everything!

The steepness of the hill didn't stop him from running down it, keeping his balance the entire time. Power ran through his veins, and the suffocating negativity radiating from Nightmare became easier to manage.

"Nightmare!" He called.

No response. Nightmare didn't even turn to look at him.

"Stop it! Let's talk about this, please!" There was desperation in his voice that he didn't realize he was feeling. As he approached, the feeling of adrenaline was replaced with fear.

Never had Nightmare made him feel like that. The person who had lived with him for century after century was making him afraid.

Dream was terrified.

Terrified of Nightmare.

"Nightmare...!" Despite his fear, he kept running down the hill.

"NIGHTM-!"

The last thing he saw was Nightmare whipping around and glaring at him with bright, teal eyes.

It was safe to say that the Guardian of Positivity died that day.

Becoming stone isn't what most mortals think it is. It's not a state of unconsciousness that most think it is. Dream will tell you that.

It wasn't a sensation like sleep or being in a coma. It was nothing. No thoughts, no movement.

Perhaps death was too harsh. Perhaps Dream and Nightmare didn't want to word it that way. Being turned to stone, in Dream's own words, was like being trapped in time.

And when he woke up?

"-MARE!!!"

It was like no time had changed at all.

Dream crashed and collapsed into someone. This was a surprise. Especially considering that he should've been running down toward Nightmare. Nightmare, who was destroying their world.

Sweat trickled down his back. Why? He knew that people were cruel, that they hated Nightmare. But why didn't he talk to Dream about it all? He could've done something, anything!

There was a new scent in the air, on the body his face was smooshed up against. He couldn't describe it. It was unfamiliar and strange.

The stranger's hands were gentle with him, lifting him by his forearms. Dream craned his neck upwards, and stepped back, yanking his arms away from the stranger.

Stranger? No no, this man wasn't a stranger.

Those teal eyes, how he parted his hair. He could recognize it from a mile away.

The man's eyes, Nightmare's eyes, were soft. To Dream, the change was instantaneous.

From a glare to a soft look. It was jarring.

"What-?" Dream took another step back. The village was no longer in ruins. But it wasn't back. It was destroyed, and nature had taken it over once more.

Nightmare, at least Dream assumed this was Nightmare, was vastly different. First and foremost, he was tall. Too tall, Dream thought. How dare he? His hair was short, and he looked handsome as ever.

The crown he always wore was missing. Replaced with silver accents on his black and teal suit.

"Who...?" Dream didn't back up as Nightmare took a step forward. He was treating him like a frightened animal. "...Nightmare."

It wasn't a question.

Of course he recognized him.

How could he not?

"God I've missed you." Nightmare, whose voice was significantly deeper, used the back of his fingers to caress his cheek.

"Nightmare what- what is going on?"

There was a beat of silence, and Nightmare took Dream by his hand and led him up the hill. He sat down on the stump of the Tree, and gestured for Dream to sit down next to him.

The stump was covered in moss and bugs, nature climbing over it as it did on everything else. Dream plopped down, looking around at all the damage.

"I have something for you."

"Hm?" Dream perked up.

Much to his surprise, Nightmare draped half of the flag that sat around the Tree around his shoulders.

It must've been destroyed when Nightmare attacked the Tree since only half of it was here. But that didn't explain anything! One moment, the village smelled like blood and guts, and another it was dead quiet.

"What do you know?"

"About what?"

With a small scoff, Nightmare rubbed his forehead, "About what happened that day."

"You mean what happened just now? Or, what should've been just now..."

Nightmare put a hand on the bottom of his mouth, thinking. "Shit, you probably wouldn't..."

After a moment of thinking, Nightmare decided to just tell it straight. "I turned you to stone Dream. Around," he waved his hand around, "Eighty or so years ago?"

"EIGHTY YEARS?! What were you DOING??" Dream shouted, grabbing onto Nightmare's shoulders. He shook his head, rattling together his thoughts. "What happened? One moment you're, you've got long hair and are my sized and now you're tall as shit!"

As Dream spoke, Nightmare nodded along. "How fascinating...You don't have any memory of your time in stone?"

"Not at all."

Dream watched as Nightmare thought (something he often found himself doing), leaning in as Nightmare gently ran his hands through his fire-red coils.

"Nightmare?"

"Yes?"

Averting his eyes, Dream shifted on the stump. "Why did you do...this?" He gestures towards the town.

"I was angry." He sat back, "They called me a monster. So I figured I'd give them one."

"You could've talked to me. You didn't have to do it so suddenly! We could've, I could've done something."

"Oh, Dream." Nightmare tilted his chin upwards, "Always so hopelessly optimistic."

"Hey!"

"That wasn't an insult! It's cute."

Blood rushed through Dream's body, his cheeks flushing as it did so.

This wasn't the first time Nightmare had called him cute. In fact, Nightmare called him that all the time! This time though? This time felt different. Maybe it was the confidence and the power exulting off of him, or maybe it was the height difference?

Whatever it was, it made Dream's heart race.

"I had been planning this for a long time. You remember my grimoire, yes? In that book," Nightmare didn't even give him the chance to answer! "It tells the story of someone from before our time, don't look at me like that, who gained power from the negativity apples.

"He, of course, was killed by the power, due to his body being unable to handle it. I knew that I could, of course. I figured that the results would be the same, and if they wanted a scapegoat. Might as well give them one."

Dream huffed, leaning into his legs. As much as he wanted to say to Nightmare that doing that was an awful idea, what else could they have done? Nightmare was blamed for the death of Opal-Ann.

The worst part about it all was the fact that it was something Nightmare had been planning something and he didn't know about it!

It was all too much.

Wordlessly, Dream scooted closer to Nightmare and put his head on his shoulder. It had been a long day. Or, he supposed, a long eighty years! He was exhausted.

"Here. Let's get you home." Nightmare scooped Dream up with ease, carrying him bridal style.

"I am home...?"

"No, you're not."

And he refused to elaborate.

That wasn't new to Dream. Nightmare was always the type to say shit and then never explain it.

It was one of his least favorite things about Nightmare. It made him insufferable sometimes.

"I'll explain everything later, alright?" Nightmare spoke, gently poking Dream in the cheek with a tentacle. For a moment, Dream was startled by it, but he didn't shove it away. "Rest now. I've got you."

Dream didn't need telling twice.

While Dream might've been a light sleeper, which made sleeping during storms difficult, he was quick at falling asleep. It was...incredibly impressive actually.

Without any time at all, Dream was snoring softly in Nightmare's arms. He couldn't help but bask in it. He never thought that he would hear that sound again.

As he walked down the hill in great strides, he contemplated how to tell Dream about all that he had learned in the past one hundred years.

Yes, he had lied, you'll have to forgive him for that.

It was unlikely that Dream would've been so forgiving towards him if he said that he was left in stone for a whole century. He knew that Dream could handle knowing that he was trapped away for eighty years.

Anything higher would send him into a tantrum.

And honestly? Nightmare was not in the mood to deal with that nonsense.

The discovery of the Multiverse and all of the universes inside of it was something he found incredible. There was more knowledge to gain than he had ever known! It would have blown his mind at four-hundred years old!

However, the issue was Dream.

How would he who cared too much about everything and anything handle the knowledge that there were billions upon billions of universes with an infinite amount of people in them?

Nightmare was afraid that it might kill him!

He supposed that the answer was to take it one step at a time. Slowly introduce him to his surroundings, new technology, and whatnot.

It shouldn't take long. Dream picked up on things quicker.

A golden hair caught his attention and he stopped at the base of the hill. In the middle of Dream's bright red hair was a shimmering blonde hair.

That isn't right.

Nightmare squinted, as he looked closer he could see the forming of more blonde hairs. If he was right, and he always was, Dream should be exactly as he left him.

No weird, stray golden hairs.

Unless...

With a quick pivot, he turned on one foot, glaring at where the tree used to be. Despite his many years of planning, when he followed through with his goal, he was very out of it. It took his body many years to fully adjust to the sheer amount of negative energy power in him.

The majority of that century was spent dealing with the high that the apples gave him.

It was entirely possible that Dream managed to get his hands on a positivity apple.

At the moment, there were too many factors to tell it precisely.

It could've been an apple, or the stone he was trapped in, or Nightmare leaving the universe. Only time would tell, and Nightmare had plenty of it.

If was an apple, it was likely that Dream would get taller and would gain more powers of some kind. Nightmare would keep an eye on it all.

He pressed his lips against Dream's forehead.

God, how good it felt to be back together once more.

[breadqueen95]

I Hope You’re Okay - Bucky Barnes

Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

wc: 8.2k (go off i guess)

summary: Bucky is filled with doubt and confusion after the events of Endgame. He breaks up with Y/n, reacting badly to his instinct to isolate himself. She’s more than a little confused; they’d fallen in love in Wakanda. What had changed? Months later, Sam is the only connection they still have. Set during the events of TFATWS, can Sam get his idiot friends to finally get over themselves and admit how much they still need each other? Based on “hope ur ok” by Olivia Rodrigo.

content warnings: physical affection. break ups. language. canon violence. murder. mental illness. trauma. mentions of major character deaths from endgame. endgame and tfatws spoilers. guns.

a/n: omg this one’s a doozy. I totally thought this was only gonna be 3k or so, 8k later and I’m shocked. This was a really fun one to write, though! Endgame and TFATWS spoilers galore, my babies. not proof read so expect a mistake or two. it’s 3am so i just don’t have it in me lmao

***

“I don’t understand,” you’d whispered, “I…I thought we were fine.”

Bucky sighed, his breath trembling as he exhaled. He ran his hand down his tired face, fingers lingering over his eyes to try and hide the tears that threatened to spill over. But you knew him. You knew him better than anyone, even Steve Rogers. This was harder for him that he was letting on.

So why was this happening?

“I honestly don’t get it either,” Bucky huskily murmured, keeping his voice low to avoid showing the cracks that wanted to break his words apart. “But…god, please don’t make this harder.”

You scoffed, fighting the urge to roll your eyes, biting out, “I’m not exactly trying to be difficult here, Bucky. I’m trying to understand. We were fine. We were in Wakanda, and we were fucking perfect. Then we fight in a space war, we lose, turn to dust for five years, then we came back. So much has changed around us, but that doesn’t mean we—”

“Of course it means we’ve changed!” He burst out. This time he couldn’t keep the frustration from his tone. “Everything has fucking changed. The Avengers are over. Everyone’s gone. Tony’s dead. Natasha is dead. Steve decided to hide out in the past rather than stay with us. So yeah, everything has changed!” Bucky’s chest heaved with emotion. It was overwhelming after years of having these very human reactions smothered, and…he didn’t know how to handle it. He just wanted for this interaction to be over.

“So what?” You hissed, “So we suffer through unimaginable tragedy and you decide you don’t love me anymore? We got a second chance, Bucky. Did Wakanda mean nothing to you?”

“That’s not fair. You know it meant everything to me.”

“Then why the fuck are you breaking up with me?” You asked loudly, voice rising with anger and desperation. You’d lost so much…Tony and Natasha were family. They’d sacrificed themselves to save everyone, which knowing them, was the way they would’ve wanted to go out. That didn’t make it any easier…Tony left behind a wife and a little girl who loved him beyond all words. Natasha, who had been the hidden glue for the team for years, never got the appreciation she so deserved. She wouldn’t be able to see her found family find their footing again after so much suffering.

Then there was Steve. Steve had been your best friend, the brother you’d never had. You believed in him. You loved him. He introduced you to Bucky, asked you to stay with him in Wakanda as Shuri worked to reverse HYDRA’s horrendous work.

During those quiet and simple 2 years, you and Bucky had fallen in love. You thought your loneliness was over…that you’d found the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with.

Then Thanos happened. Steve abandoned you. He abandoned Bucky.

Now Bucky was abandoning you.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky whispered, finally meeting your eyes, “I don’t…I wish I could explain it. But I can��t.”

The finality in his words hit you like a train. He had decided. Nothing you said, no amount of begging or questioning, would change his mind.

He was done with you. For whatever reason…he was done.

“Okay,” you whispered, “okay, Bucky.” Sobs built in your chest, trying to force their way out. The accompanying breakdown was imminent. You felt the last bit of your sanity crumbling. It was time to leave, get yourself away from this hurt. Protect yourself.

You went to him, standing on your tiptoes to give him one last lingering kiss to his jawline. His breath shuttered as your lips met his skin. You didn’t know it, but that almost broke him. Bucky wanted to fall to his knees, beg for forgiveness. Beg you to stay.

But he didn’t.

That had been months ago, just a few days after Tony Stark’s funeral. The last memory you had of Bucky Barnes was him curling in on himself, burying his face in his hands as you turned and left the hotel room you’d been staying in together. You hadn’t seen him or spoken to him since.

Not that you hadn’t tried.

Bucky had broken your heart, but that hadn’t stopped you from loving him or wanting the best for him. He’d been through so much, way too much. Now that the dust had settled, he would be surrounded by infinite quiet moments. You knew Bucky. You knew his mind would be constantly spinning, reliving everything awful that had happened to him. Especially with nothing going on. There weren’t any battles to fight, no space wars to end. Nothing but his own mind.

Quite frankly, you were worried.

Sam was the only person from the team you’d been able to stay in touch with. He tried to check in with Bucky whenever he could, but he was back in Louisiana with his family. His family needed him, there was a lot going on down there. Buck lived in New York City, so it wasn’t as if Sam could just drop by on a whim to check on him in person. He had to settle for calling him whenever he could. Bucky hated cell phones…he was stupid and stubborn and old fashioned that way. Sam told you Bucky would talk occasionally, but for the most part he was shutting him out. Ignoring his calls and text messages.

As far as you knew, you were the only one who lived in the same city as him. New York City had been your home long before Bucky Barnes and breaking up with him wasn’t going to force you out. As far as you knew, he was still living out in Brooklyn. You’d moved yourself over to Manhattan, trying to lose yourself in the roar of the city and the tall skyscrapers. Pepper had given you a job with the NYC branch of Stark Industries. It was a little outside of your wheelhouse, but you were able to do some important work helping the world readjust to life post-Snap. It kept you busy.

In every single one of your weekly check-ins with Sam, he begged you to go out to Brooklyn and see Bucky. Just to check on him, see if he was okay. Give you both peace of mind, he always said.

Every time you said no.

That didn’t mean you didn’t think about Bucky. You thought about him every minute of every day. No matter how busy you kept yourself, he invaded every thought you had. After you’d gotten together in Wakanda, you and Bucky talked all the time about what a normal life together would be like once you could go home. Now that you were finally living a life of relative normalcy, those conversations replayed in your head endlessly.  

“Where would you want to live?” You’d asked one night, his arms holding you tightly to his chest.

“I’d love to live in Brooklyn again,” he’d mused, “relearn the city. Show you all the places I remember from when I was growing up.” Bucky traced his fingers across your jawline to your chin, finally tilting your face to look at him, then whispered, “I’d want you with me. I want to wake up to you every day, fall asleep holding you every night.”

“You do?” Your voice was shaking with tenuous hope. Not many people wanted to stay around in your life for too long. Almost everyone left you – dead or of their own volition. Even the family you’d thought you’d found with the Avengers had collapsed, leaving you questioning the point of building any lasting relationships.

“Yes,” Bucky had murmured, leaning down to capture your lips with his own. With his mouth still touching yours, he whispered, “I can’t imagine anything better.”

That conversation was so damn vivid in your mind every time you thought about it. That didn’t help the pain that always came with it, which always felt like someone sliding a dagger into your heart with each word that echoed in your memory.

Bucky was good with knives, so you guessed it was only fitting.

“Sam,” you groaned, “you need to quit asking me. I’m not going to see Bucky.”

“C’mon, Y/n. He’s struggling, you know he is. I think seeing you would really help him.”

“The last time I saw him he was breaking up with me. So no, I don’t think it would. He made it very clear that he didn’t want me around anymore.”

“Y/n—”

“Don’t ‘y/n’ me. You know I’m right.”

“He asks about you.”

“…no he doesn’t. You just want me to go.” Even with the way you forced your voice into careless dismissal, your heart thundered against your ribcage. “Besides, I thought he wasn’t talking to you.”

“Not as much as I’d like, but he’ll talk every now and then,” Sam replied. “Of course it’s never about him or how he’s doing. For the few minutes I’ve got him on, Bucky only ever asks questions about you.”

You didn’t want to believe him. Believing him only made your hurt and confusion worse. But Sam was one of the most genuine people you knew. It was why he and Steve had been so close. Knowing how you felt about Bucky, knowing how utterly heartbroken you still were months later, he would never lie to you about that.

“Oh,” you said, breathless. “What…what does he ask?”

“If you’re okay. Where you ended up. Those kinds of things.”

“What do you tell him?”

“I tell him he needs to get his head out of his ass and call you himself,” Sam shot back, laughter evident in his smooth voice. “I assume he hasn’t.”

“No,” you answered, voice having gone quiet as your feelings raged within, “he hasn’t.”

He sighed, and you could picture him clearly in that moment. Sam had always rubbed his forehead when he was stressed or worried, always paired with a deep sigh like the one he gave off just now. You wanted to take a load off of his stress, you really did. But he was asking you for the one thing you couldn’t give.

“Will you at least call him?”

“Sam—”

“I know, I’m asking a lot here. Bucky hurt you, and trust me, as soon as I see him next I’m kicking his ass for it.” You giggled, picturing it so easily. “Just…will you do this? For me?”

“Fine,” you grumbled, “but you so owe me.”

“I’ll buy you all the pizza you want next time I’m in town, how’s that?”

“Perfect,” you laughed, then the sound faded away as you remembered. “Are you still giving up the shield tomorrow?”

“Yeah, yeah I am,” Sam answered, sounding tired. “Look, I…I know you and Steve were close. I know this must be hard for you.”

“It is,” you admitted, “but Steve gave that shield to you. Only you know what’s right. I trust you.”

***

Sam had texted you Bucky’s phone number right after your conversation this afternoon. What you should’ve done was call right away, get this big and scary thing that wasn’t actually big or scary at all over with.

So, in true Y/n fashion, you avoided it. You stared at your phone for the rest of the afternoon, then well into the evening. Once the clock passed 6:30pm, you’d forced yourself to pick it up and open the text message with his number. Then you stared at it for another thirty minutes, hands shaking as your fingers hovered over the screen.

But this was Sam. The one friend you had left was asking you for help. You had to do this.

Heart thundering in your ears, you finally pressed the highlighted number, then selected ‘call’ from the options listed. You pressed the phone to your ear, vision tunneling dangerously until the only thing that existed for you was the ringing as the call tried to get through.

It rang. And rang. And rang some more.

Finally, after a few more times, the call went to voicemail. Bucky hadn’t answered. You knew deep down that you hadn’t truly expected him to answer, but…it was like that dagger that stabbed you every time you thought about him twisted just a little more.

As the prompt kept going for the voicemail, you decided on a whim to leave one. You hadn’t really planned to, but after everything he’d made you go through, you wanted him to know that someone else cared. That someone else was worried. And, well…

You missed him.

Right after the beep sounded, you tried to level out your voice, and said, “Hi, Bucky. It’s Y/n. I, uh…I know we haven’t talked for a while, but…Sam’s been worried about you, you know. He’s asked me to check on you so many times I lost count. So, uh, this is me just…checking on you.” You paused, wrinkling your brow at how lame you sounded. What the fuck was that? “If you need anything, just…I don’t know, call me on this number. Bye.”

Hanging up, you threw yourself down on your bed in frustration and sheer embarrassment. Months had gone by without seeing or talking to Bucky, and the first time he hears your voice, you just had to say, ‘this is me checking on you’. Why couldn’t you just get it together for one goddamn second? Your stomach churned as you imagined him listening to that voicemail. It churned even worse as you pictured him deleting it, wanting nothing to do with you.

And you knew he would.

***

Bucky’s phone beeped next to him, jerking him out of his thoughts.

Looking around, he realized that his small apartment had grown dark as he sat. He hadn’t even noticed. The blue light from the television lit the space in an eerie glow, the colors he was still getting used to way too bright against his eyes. Stretching, he realized just how stiff his muscles had gotten from sitting in the same position for way too long.

Picking up his phone, he saw that he had one missed call and a new voicemail.

From Y/n.

He nearly dropped the phone is surprise. Bucky had saved her new contact information months ago, right after Sam had sent it over. He had started asking Bucky to call her around that time, sending over her number to try and give him a little push. He’d saved it, fully intending on calling, he just…hadn’t. Sam told him all the time how worried he was about her. She never talked to anyone, buried herself in work, and…

She was hurting. Sam never failed to remind him just how much Bucky had hurt her.

That was why he hadn’t called. How could he force himself into her life again? Surprise her with a phone call one day out of the blue after what he did to her?

That, and he was scared. Absolutely terrified of opening that self-inflicted wound all over again.

Hand shaking, Bucky pressed the button to start the voicemail and held it up to his ear. Her voice, still his favorite sound, echoed in his ear as she spoke.

“Hi, Bucky. It’s Y/n. I, uh…I know we haven’t talked for a while, but…Sam’s been worried about you, you know. He’s asked me to check on you so many times I lost count. So, uh, this is me just…checking on you. If you need anything, just…I don’t know, call me on this number. Bye.”

Bucky kept the phone against his ear even after the message ended. Then he hastily pulled the phone away, restarted the message, and pressed it against his ear even harder than before. Her voice sounded as beautiful as ever, causing his heart and mind go into absolute overdrive. Bucky had spent the past few months without her trying so hard not to feel anything, and the few words she’d spoken ripped those walls down almost immediately. Listening to her say his name was overwhelming. He’d spent so long trying to forget how it sounded that he didn’t realize how much he missed it.

Even with his strong, visceral reaction to hearing her talking to him again, she sounded…not great. Tired. Nervous. Out of patience. That could’ve just been because she was talking to him, to be fair. But he knew her. During those two years they spent together in Wakanda, he’d learned everything there was to know about her. They’d bared their souls to each other. All Bucky had needed to know Y/n wasn’t doing well were those few stilted sentences.

But…maybe he couldn’t say that anymore. He grimaced. It wasn’t fair of him to say he knew her. A few months shouldn’t be considered a huge chunk of time, especially to a 106-year-old man, but it felt like ages. So much could have changed since the last time he saw her. After the shit he pulled, Y/n probably had changed.

He wanted to call her back. More than anything. Even as he made to push the button that would dial her number, he paused right before he pressed it.

What the fuck gave him the right to call her? She said it herself; Sam had been asking her to talk to him for months. Guess she just finally got worn down enough to do it, just say she did it so she could shut him up for a bit. Hadn’t Sam been badgering him about doing the same thing? Knowing him, he thought if he could just get them to talk, they’d make up. Bucky knew it wasn’t that simple.

Bucky loved her. He didn’t know much in this strange new world he’d woken up to, but he was sure of that much. But he hadn’t ended things because he fell out of love. Anyone who knew Y/n knew falling out of love with her simply wasn’t possible. He ended things to protect her. From him.

Peace wasn’t something he was used to, especially once the Wakandans had helped him iron out his head. All he knew was that one minute, he was living a life of happiness with Y/n. Then he was fighting a goddamn space war. Then…they woke up apparently five years later, then fought another one. Natasha had already been dead when they’d come back. Bucky had watched Tony sacrifice himself on the battlefield to save the universe. Never getting to apologize to him…that was one of his greatest regrets.

Everything after had felt like blow after blow. The world had already been strange when he woke up the first time. It was even stranger after coming back with half the population. Then, his best friend, the man he considered his brother, decided the people he’d chosen as his family weren’t good enough for him. He left, went back, and lived the life he thought he’d always meant to.

Bucky knew that after everything Steve had been through, everything he’d sacrificed, he deserved to make that decision. He deserved to choose himself, and he had. That didn’t make it any easier. That didn’t make him any less bitter about the whole thing. It didn’t make the resentment that had slowly been simmering away in his gut these past few months disappear.

He was scared. He felt alone. He felt angry. After spending so long going from one fight to the next, Bucky hadn’t had a whole lot of time to process everything that had happened. Then there was Y/n, whispering sweet assurances in his ear. Holding him after his nightmares had woken them both up again. Putting aside her own grief at losing so many people she loved to hold his fraying edges together.

So he did the only thing he thought he could. He ended things. Bucky had convinced himself that it would be better. He could go off and get his shit together, and she could move on. Focus on herself. Find someone who deserved her. Someone who wasn’t a hundred-year-old mess.

As soon as the door had shut behind her, Bucky regretted it. He wished he hadn’t done it. To this day, he wished with his entire being he’d gone after her. Taken it all back. But he hadn’t, and he couldn’t change that. It didn’t help that he was trying to make amends for the countless crimes he’d been forced to commit. He couldn’t drag her down in that.

Sam had told him she was in New York City still – Manhattan, he’d said. The number of times he had to convince himself not to go over to her place and beg her to take him back was more than he’d care to admit. Even more so when considering the times he’d almost called her, if only just to hear her voice. Bucky missed her so, so much.

Bucky set the phone down. He couldn’t call her, not tonight. Not like this. He was heading out with Sam on a mission in a few days, somewhere in Europe connected to the Flag Smashers. He’d give him an earful first, though. First about giving up the shield, which he wholeheartedly thought was a huge mistake. Then about trying to work both sides of the field to fix his and Y/n’s relationship. Then…

Then maybe he’d ask for his advice. On how to handle this.

***

You’d watched them announce John Walker as the ‘New Captain America’ a few days later. The man might have the same blonde hair and blue eyes that Steve did. He might wear the same colors. He might even hold the shield you knew so well. That didn’t change the fact that he looked like the biggest fucking slimeball you’d ever seen.

Gritting your teeth, you watched as this stranger held the shield aloft to a cheering crowd. How could they do this? Who in their right mind thought this was the right call? Sam was the only one who could do that; Steve had chosen him. And he’d wanted the moniker to be his alone, the shield celebrated as a symbol of his legacy in his exhibit.

Bucky had never called you back. Sam hadn’t either, only giving you a thumbs up when you told him you’d tried to call but got no answer. You knew he was heading out on a mission today, and that Bucky was probably with him. Even without access to their phones, they’d know what had just happened. If you had guessed right, and you usually did, the government probably hadn’t warned Sam about their decision, let alone asked him if it was okay.

Fingers trembling with barely suppressed rage, you opened Sam’s contact info and called. Being on a mission, you knew he wouldn’t answer, so you’d have to settle for leaving a message. He couldn’t change it, and he was probably just as mad as you were but being a former member of the Avengers meant John Walker would contact you. He’d want you to follow him. Of course you’d say ‘fuck no’, but you wanted Sam’s opinion on this.

Right as the beep sounded, you launched right into your spiel, saying, “Look, I know this wasn’t your choice. I know you’re probably furious and you have every right to be. Just…as soon as you can, let me know how you want me to respond. They’ll come asking. Take care of yourself, talk to you soon.” Even as you hung up, you still felt uncertainty and anger chipping away at you. Steve had definitely not accounted for this when he’d given Sam the shield. You hadn’t, either. But who else could you call? Who else could you ask?

…Bucky. You could call Bucky.

All the other emotions you were drowning in forced out any possible shame as you called your ex for the second time in a few days. That familiar beep sounded, and you spoke without thinking.

“Hey, it’s me. I know you don’t want to talk to me, and that’s fine, but go easy on Sam, okay? I know you’re probably mad, but still. And as soon as you hear this, let me know how you’re going to handle this Walker guy. I’m not sure what to do. Even if it’s just a text message. And just…take care of yourself, okay?”

He never called back. Neither did Sam.

A couple weeks later, right as you opened the news on your laptop one evening, the headline made your stomach drop.

CAPTAIN AMERICA KILLS CITIZEN WITH SHIELD OVERSEAS IN BLOODY SCENE

WHAT. THE. FUCK??????

Opening the article as quickly as you could, you scanned the article for information. For unknown reasons, John Walker had chased down a suspected Flag Smasher and nearly decapitated him with the shield, murdering him in front of a watching crowd. Instead of, you know, bringing him in like a REASONABLE PERSON. He’d fled the scene soon after and had yet to be found.

Checking the timestamp on the article, you saw that this had only happened within the past few hours. The article didn’t include the video due to its extremely violent nature. You didn’t want to see it. You had no desire to watch that brutal of a murder. But you had to know. That, and according to your sources, Sam and Bucky had also been tracking the Flag Smashers before going off the grid. You worried about them endlessly, even more so knowing this had happened. What if they’d been hurt?

A quick search on YouTube found the video. Eyes wide with horror, you watched the bloody scene unfurl on the cobblestone street. John Walker wasn’t just incompetent, he was unhinged. It made to slightly relieved he hadn’t tried to contact you to get your support. At first, your ego was a little stung by the very obvious snub. But having to deal with someone like this? You wanted no part in that.

The video ended, and all you could do was stare at your laptop. The frame was paused right where the video ended, a self-righteous Walker staring the crowd down, as if daring someone call him out on the murder he’d just committed. Then, a familiar vibranium arm off to the side caught your attention. Shifting your focus, you saw Bucky. Not too far away was Sam.

Breath catching in your throat, you hastily zoomed in. The quality was shit, but they both looked like they were okay for the most part. They seemed a little beaten up, but they were upright at least. That was something. Their faces betrayed all the emotions you now felt: shock, horror, and unmistakable rage. Bucky’s jaw looked like it was clenched, and his hands were curled into fists at his side.

You couldn’t help but let your gaze linger on Bucky’s face. You hadn’t seen him since that day in the hotel room. He looked…different. Good. His long hair had now been cropped short, sticking out in every direction. You smiled a little in spite of yourself. He still had a penchant for stubbly cheeks and leather, which was a strange kind of comfort.

Knowing these two idiots as well as you did, you knew they’d charge right after Walker. They’d try to bring him in, get that shield away from him before he caused any more damage. That was just who they were. No getting around it.

That didn’t stop you from picking up your phone and calling Bucky.

“Bucky, it’s me. I just saw the video of Walker, and holy fuck that was messed up. I know Sam, and I know you. I’m not sure what happened after that, but…stay safe, okay? Don’t do anything too stupid. Tell Sam the same thing.”

After you hung up, you didn’t even try to call Sam. They were there together, there wasn’t really a point. Even in the hours after, you couldn’t find it in yourself to be anxious and feel shame about calling Bucky and leaving another message.

All you knew was that you wanted to hear his voice.

***

“Hand me the wrench, would you?” Sam asked.

Bucky wordlessly handed him the tool he needed, then continued working on his own task. As the sun rose higher in the sky above the water, Sam and Bucky worked quietly on the Wilson family boat. There was a lot that needed to be done, but Bucky was more than happy to help out after Sam had let him crash at his place.

He’d gotten back in the United States a couple of days ago, feeling strangely…at peace. He had held a gun to Zemo’s head in Sokovia and hadn’t killed him, hadn’t given in to the world’s expectations of the Winter Soldier. The man he had been forced to be for so long. That had never been the plan in the first place, but even so, it had been cathartic in a way. The Dora Milaje had Zemo and were taking him to the Raft, where he would hopefully spend the rest of his days. After everything the man had done, all the pain he had caused, it was a relief to be away from him.

Thankfully following through on his request, Ayo had left a particularly important package with him. One he brought to Sam, for whenever he was ready. Based on everything they’d been through, everything they’d talked about…he knew that time was coming. It was up to him now when that would be.

As soon as his plane touched down in New York, he’d wanted to go see Y/n. His phone with her information had been smashed to pieces when he’d (very stupidly) jumped from a plane without a parachute. Bucky had known his body would be fine, and the one chute on the plane had been defective. He just hadn’t considered the weirdly fragile piece of technology in his pocket. The only way he’d been able to contact Ayo was through the phone he kept on specifically to contact people in Wakanda. It had been made by them for that reason so the calls couldn’t be tracked, which of course explained why it was practically indestructible.

As his connecting flight to Louisiana soared above the city skyline, he wished with his entire being he was going to see her. All he wanted was to see her face, stare into those eyes he loved so much, and beg for her forgiveness. Beg for another chance. Beg her to listen when he promised he still loved her, and that he never stopped.

But the suit couldn’t exactly go on to Louisiana without him. He hated it, but Y/n would have to wait.

“You need to call her,” Sam said.

“What?” Bucky asked, having completely been oblivious to the world around him until Sam had said something.

“You need to call Y/n.”

“I don’t have my phone,” he grumbled in response, looking down at the tool in his hands.

“You can use mine, I’m good at sharing.”

“Sam…”

“Uh uh. Don’t use that tone with me, Barnes. She deserves to hear from you. Damn it, this has gone on long enough, don’t you think? You’re both miserable without each other, so do something about it!”

“I’m already planning on it!”

Sam’s eyes widened in surprise and he physically recoiled in shock.

“Uh…sitting on my boat isn’t gonna help you with that, Buck.”

“After this Flag Smasher business is done,” he sighed, “I’m gonna go see her. The things I need to say, apologize for…I can’t do that over the phone.”

“Bucky,” Sam said, “it could take Karli weeks before she makes her move. Weeks. You really wanna wait that long? Make her wait?”

“I have to see this through. Once I do, I…I don’t know. I feel like I’ll have figured something out, somehow.”

“This isn’t going to erase what you did.”

“I know that. I do. But I need to do this my way. But I promise, I’m going to do everything I can to make it up to her. She’ll probably want nothing to do with me, but I have to try.”

Sam smiled at him in that knowing way of his, then said, “She misses you. I know she does.”

***

It took him until the day of the GRC vote to figure out how to recover old voicemails.

Once he’d replaced his phone, he went weeks without knowing that Y/n had tried to call him more than that one time. That she’d left him two messages and he hadn’t even known.

He’d had to go to Verizon in person to get it figured out. Once they’d helped him, he waited until he was back in his apartment to listen.

Her tone had changed from the first to the second. She was short and to the point, but there was no tiredness in her voice. Only trusting him to help her decide how to handle Walker. Wanting to know what he planned on doing.

The third showed the biggest change. His fist clenched reflexively upon hearing the outrage and anxiety in her voice as she reacted to the violence in Latvia, his first instinct to always protect her. What followed was…pleasant surprise. She wanted him to stay safe. Wanted him to not do anything stupid. Y/n hadn’t even bothered calling Sam, just asked Bucky to convey the message. She’d chosen to call him.

All this change, and he hadn’t even spoken to her yet. It gave him hope that…well, maybe she’d listen. Maybe there was a chance.

Sam was already on his way here. If they managed to stop Karli and the Flag Smashers, if they managed to protect the city and get out alive, her place was his first stop.

***

Another few weeks had passed without hearing from Bucky.

Sam had called you about two weeks after the Latvia incident. He let you rush out all your panicked worries and scolding before assuring you that he and Bucky were just fine. They were laying low and were back stateside, waiting for the Flag Smashers to act. Somehow, Sam was sure they would try to pull off something huge in the coming weeks. They just weren’t sure where or when. In the meantime, they were going to wait. Plan. Train.

You hadn’t bothered him with your worries and insecurities about Bucky. From what he’d told you, they’d gone through a lot. Sam was going through a kind of personal reckoning of his own as he grappled with being a black man carrying that shield. He’d learned even more about the very nefarious past surrounding the serum in the United States and had told you about Isaiah Bradley. All you did was support him as best you could, and then offered your help for whatever was to come. You weren’t sure if he’d take you up on that, but he seemed comforted by it in any case.

In was a balmy spring night in the city. You’d been holed up in what used to be the Avengers Tower, now having resumed the mantle of Stark Tower. The GRC were holding a massive vote tonight on what they were going to do about caring for blip refugees, and the Stark Relief Foundation had to be ready for whatever they decided. Lost in your work, you hadn’t even known anything was amiss until one of your colleagues rushed into the room.

“Y/n, turn on the news. The Flag Smashers attacked the GRC meeting.”

“What?” You’d asked, disbelief and uncertainty flooding every sense.

She switched on the television in the conference room you’d been working in, and there it was. Live footage was being streamed from just a few blocks away. Your heart leapt in your throat as you saw panicked masses streaming from the building, their faces illuminated by the flashing red and blue lights of surrounding first responders.

“I have to go,” you breathed, whirling on your heels.

“What? You can’t go down there, it’s not safe!”

“I used to be an Avenger. I can’t not fight.”

“But—”

Her words were cut off as the door swung shut behind you. You’d given back your weapons when you’d taken this job. Hung up your tactical suit, now collecting dust in your closet. You were dangerously out of shape, finding solace and distraction in your work instead of honing your body.

You regretted it now.

Police officers had already surrounded the building. As you tried to force your way past them, they held up their arms to stop you.

“We’ve sealed the building for your protection, ma’am. Please return inside.”

“No, you don’t understand. I’ve helped during these kinds of attacks before, it used to be my job—”

“That’s all well and fine, but we have it under control.”

“You’re not hearing me, I can help—”

“We’re under direct orders to keep everyone in the building.”

Damn them. As mad as you were, you knew they had a point. It was a well-known fact that the Stark Relief Foundation worked directly with the GRC to try and provide relief. It didn’t matter that you actively tried to sway them toward helping people rather than go with their avoidance tactics; mere association made this building and everyone in it a target.

“Okay,” you sighed, giving in, “just keep us updated. Call me directly.”

You handed them your business card, and the officer widened his eyes as he saw your very recognizable name.

“Wait, are you—”

Yet another person’s words were cut off by your impatience, heading right back inside and up to your office.

***

You’d spent the night glued to the news along with the rest of your floor.

The pops of gunfire and the roar of explosions echoed off the buildings, the sound carrying up to your conference room on the 32nd floor. Every sound mocked you. You used to be the first to charge into the fight, fighting with everything you had to protect your team and anyone who happened to be in the line of fire. Watching and waiting was a new kind of awful.

It didn’t help knowing Bucky and Sam were down there on the front lines. You’d cheered with everyone else as Sam first appeared on camera sporting a new suit and holding the shield you loved so much. He’d accepted the heavy mantle of Captain America. Tears of joy streamed down your face as you watched him, the news cameras tracking his efforts as he flew around the city.

As much as Bucky tried to hide in the shadows, the news had captured him often enough throughout the night as well. Searing panic had captured you in a chokehold as he utilized his vibranium arm and super strength to wrench open the door of a burning van, saving everyone trapped inside. Pride didn’t even begin to describe what you felt as you saw someone shaking his hand, thanking him. If the Bucky you’d first met all those years ago could see this…he would never believe it.

You’d stepped away at that point, needing a moment. Needing the time to say something you should’ve said a long time ago.

Ducking into your private office, you quickly shut the door behind you and pulled out your phone. Bucky hadn’t returned your calls for a reason, you knew that. You knew he was busy saving the city, being the hero he was always meant to be. But you had to leave one last message.

“Bucky, it’s Y/n,” you started quietly right as the beep sounded, “I know you don’t wanna talk to me, and it’s okay. I understand. I’ll stop calling after this. I just wanted you to know…”

Your words choked off as tears spilled over your lashes, and you took a shuddering breath, trying to collect yourself.

“I…I want you to know how proud I am of you. How proud I am to know you. You had the courage to unlearn every hateful thing they forced into that beautiful, amazing heart of yours, and it makes me happier than I can say knowing you’re becoming the hero you were always meant to be.”

A sob forced its way from your lungs, and you fought to keep yourself under just enough control to finish what you called to say.

“I hope you’re happier, today. I don’t know anyone who deserves happiness more than you do. I miss you so, so much. I just…I hope you’re okay. If I never see you or hear from you again, I want you to know how much I love you. I never stopped.”

That last confession, the one about you loving him, that had been unplanned. It slipped out, but you couldn’t say you regretted it. Unplanned or not, it was true. It had been true this entire time you’d been apart.

***

The mission had been a success.

According to most, anyway. And for the most part, it had been. The Flag Smashers had been stopped. Sam had made an impassioned speech to the most powerful people in the world, saying everything they’d needed to have heard a long time ago. It had been the most formidable thing Bucky had ever seen. He was so proud to know Sam, to fight alongside him.

Karli had been the only casualty. Sharon had killed her, thinking she would’ve killed Sam if she hadn’t. Despite everything Karli had done, Bucky couldn’t help but feel unbound regret and sadness over her loss. She was just a kid, at the end of the day. A kid who had been through too much and was trying to make people listen the only way she knew how. If the GRC had just listened to people in the first place, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

As Sam spoke to grateful New Yorkers who wanted a word with their new Captain America, Bucky pulled out his phone to check the time.

One new message. From Y/n.

Probably to chew him out for having extra police presence near Stark Tower. It had made sense strategically, but Bucky admittedly had selfish reasons for wanting that building sealed. Knowing Y/n, she would’ve charged right out into the streets to fight and help in any way she could. But he also knew from what Sam had told him that she hadn’t picked up a weapon in months. Hadn’t worked out in ages. If she went up against an enhanced Flag Smasher, they’d tear her to pieces. That couldn’t happen.

Trying to slow his racing heart, he held the phone to his ear.

“Bucky, it’s Y/n. I know you don’t wanna talk to me, and it’s okay. I understand. I’ll stop calling after this. I just wanted you to know… I…I want you to know how proud I am of you. How proud I am to know you. You had the courage to unlearn every hateful thing they forced into that beautiful, amazing heart of yours, and it makes me happier than I can say knowing you’re becoming the hero you were always meant to be. I hope you’re happier, today. I don’t know anyone who deserves happiness more than you do. I miss you so, so much. I just…I hope you’re okay. If I never see you or hear from you again, I want you to know how much I love you. I never stopped.”

He kept the phone pressed to his ear long after it ended. Tears were filling his tired eyes, slipping in unchecked streams down his grimy face. Bucky’s mouth, so used to scowling and grimacing, split into an earth-shattering grin. His heart soared.

Y/n was proud of him. She missed him. She loved him.

“Uh…what’s with the face?”

Sam’s bemused features materialized in front of him.

“How far is Y/n’s building from here?”

“What?” Sam asked, completely caught off guard. “It’s almost 3am, man. She’s asleep.”

“I don’t care, I need to go see her right now—”

“Whatever emotional epiphany you just had, you’re not gonna go bother that girl until you’ve had some damn sleep—”

“She loves me. Y/n still loves me,” Bucky interjected, giddiness making his voice jump around as he held up his phone, “she left me a message and told me.”

“Well fuck, that changes things.”

Sam texted Bucky her address as he sprinted off in the direction he’d pointed to, the exact building and apartment number coming in as he went. It was only a few blocks from where he’d started, and it took him no time at all to get there. Punching in the building code that Sam had given him, he didn’t slow down as he sped through the lobby to the elevators. He pressed the button for the 21st floor repeatedly until the doors opened, allowing him to hurtle inside.

Before he knew it, he was standing in front of her apartment. 2114. He didn’t even stop to think about it and was soon knocking harshly at her door. He flinched a little after he’d done it, hoping he didn’t scare her.

The door creaked open, revealing a very tired Y/n in wrinkled work clothes. Her y/e/c eyes went wide with shock, mouth falling open into a started ‘o’.

“I love you too,” Bucky panted, “I never stopped. I’m an idiot, and I’m so sorry for hurting you, I just—”

His words were cut off as Y/n cupped the back of his neck and pulled him in, kissing him softly. It was quick, barely even a peck really. She pulled back and looked at him, uncertainty swimming in her gaze.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” she gasped, “I can’t believe I did that—”

It was Bucky’s turn to cut her off. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against him before kissing her back. He tried to pour all the passion, affection, and love he hadn’t been able to show her during these lonely months. He tried to explain without words how much he regretted the choice he’d made, and how he never planned on letting her go again.

Her hands, always seeming so small to him, reached up and tangled in his hair, slightly scratching at his scalp. He groaned aloud at the sensation, chills erupting over his body at the pleasure her touch gave him. Leaning back, she pulled him with her until they were over the threshold of her apartment. Bucky kicked the door shut behind him, effectively shutting out the rest of the world.

Just her and him. How it was always supposed to be.

Breaking the kiss for a moment, Bucky leaned his forehead against hers. He ran his hands over every part of her he could reach; her back, her hips, the back of her neck, up into her hair. He finally ended his trail as he cupped her face in his hands, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. Y/n reached up and covered his hands with her own, rubbing the backs of them with her thumbs.

“I’m so sorry,” Bucky whispered, “I was so fucking stupid.”

“Yeah, you were,” she murmured, but her eyes held nothing but love as she looked at him.

“I know there’s a lot to talk about, and a lot to move past. The only thing I know is,” he took a breath, “is that I want to be with you. I want to give this another shot.”

“Bucky, you broke my heart,” she whispered, and his own nearly tore in two at the sight, knowing he caused that pain.

“I’ll never stop being sorry for that.”

“I know,” she nodded, “none of this is fixed overnight, but I meant what I said. Every word. I love you, and I want to be with you.”

“I love you,” he choked out, overwhelmed by her and everything that had happened tonight. He pressed another kiss to her lips, and he found he wanted to do this for as long as she’d have him. The rest of their lives, if she wanted. He knew he did.

She smiled at him, and he realized in that moment just how much he missed that smile.

“Go shower, superhero,” she smirked, “I know you’ve had a long night, but I intend to fall asleep with your arms around me. Can’t let you in my clean sheets with you all grimy, though.”

“That sounds incredible and all, sweetheart,” he laughed, “but I don’t have any clothes here.”

“Yeah, you do,” she replied shyly.

“Uh, no I don’t.”

“Yes, you do. I didn’t have it in me to get rid of some of your clothes, so they’ve been living at the bottom of my drawer. Still clean and everything.”

She giggled as he grabbed her face in his hands and kissed every inch of it he could reach, punctuating every single kiss with an ‘I love you’.

After a quick shower, he’d pulled on some boxers of his that she’d admitted to sleeping in once or twice. Bucky practically fell into bed, pulling her into him instantly. Burying his face in her hair, he felt at peace for the first in forever.

Bucky fell asleep that night with the love of his life in his arms, finally his again.

She was proud of him. She loved him. He was okay, all because he had her. Somehow he knew he always would.

***

[shirophantomvox]

How Illumi, Hisoka, and Chrollo would react to their S/O in the hospital

Hi, anon! You are welcome to join my Discord Server if you are a fan of Hxh, Voltron, or both! I promise this is a safe environment! This is an interesting topic for sure! To the other anon(s), I am working on your request! This will contain both fluff and angst. I forgot to include Leorio in this, so I’ll include him in the next HxH post. You’ll have to forgive me, I have 2 more requests in my inbox and I am not feeling the best. I just got my second Covid shot and it is hurting like hell. Nevertheless, I encourage you all to get your shot if you can. I will be on this site one and off and I should be on it for real next week. I have run out of ideas to write and I began to think I was annoying people with my HxH content (no one said this I just assumed). This post has 1974 words. After these requests are finished, I plan on doing a character analysis for Leorio.

Anyway, let’s get into the post!

We’ll start with Hisoka this time.

Hisoka

In all honesty, this man has heard of a hospital (since he sends a lot of people to it after fights) but has never been in one.

The signs, floors, staircase numbers, and elevators all confuse him. He has only been in one once when he was a kid and has never been again.

He isn’t a social butterfly in this setting because this is a professional establishment and not a college party. Asking for directions takes quite a toll on him because of his established pride. You know guys act when they want to find a destination on their own and will go miles out of the way instead of just asking for direction.

He doesn’t talk to anyone; all he wants to do is find you and make sure you are alright.

He is the tallest person in the freight elevator. So tall that everyone at turns to look at him at once for at least 10 seconds and turn back around surprised.

“How tall is he,” one of the nurses ask.

“Tall enough to be my house!”

This annoys him. He takes out the Joker card and lays it against his thigh but realizes he cannot make any hasty decisions. His bloodlust was activated merely out of irritation and not by threat. You were on his mind and destroying these worthless humans wasn’t an option for today.

He approached the guest desk and waited for about 2 minutes before he was acknowledged.

“May I help you,” a smug receptionist asked. Wow, these people do not know who they’re talking to.

“I’m here to see y/n.”

“Y/n is in room 345. Go down the hall and to the right all the way down.”

This man nearly ran with a quickness! His jester shoes somehow made the floor shake as he ran.

You were awake, eating the horrible food the hospital provided and watching TV. It seemed like you were doing ok, but you had just been in a car accident. Your arms and right leg were still sore. It was so bad that you’d be fine with Hisoka carrying you everywhere.

When you two are alone in serious public places, he doesn’t play games or tricks. He is often portrayed as a ruthless man, but in settings like this, he places the jokes and games aside for later. When he enters your room, he is silent for 30 seconds. Much too long. He was shocked; he walked around your hospital bed, pulled up a chair, and stared at your cast. It had many names written on it.

“Yes, I am ok.”

“I apologize for not being there for you,” he began to say.

“Shh… it’s ok. This is life. It hurts like hell, but I’m a trooper!”

Admiring your cast and its multiple fonts of handwriting and messages, he grabbed a sharpie marker, wrote his name, with a heart and spade next to it. Surprisingly, his cursive was very neat and legible.

“I didn’t know you knew how to write in cursive! Why don’t you write me letters?”

“I see you every day and it hurts my hand.”

The doctor wouldn’t be in for another 1 ½ hours, so Hisoka used your thigh as a pillow as he took a nap. He had been up for countless nights thinking about you. He was screwing up so bad, Chrollo let him leave early.

“As soon as your better, we will fight again. I won’t go easy on you. You won’t be in the hospital but you get the jest.”

Illumi

Illumi isn’t the type of man to overreact in these types of situations. When you both agreed to date each other, you knew you all were tough cookies. You were aware of the dangers of dating an assassin and he knew about the dangers of dating a bounty hunter. People hated you both and you targeted.

One night you both were caught in a vulnerable state. While you both enjoyed chocolate milkshakes at a laid-back 1950’s styled diner, two men were previously thrown out for fighting. While your back was turned one of those men shot your arm, causing you to carelessly throw your body to the ground due to impact.

While everyone else was screaming, Illumi jumped to the ground and tied his hair tie around your arm to temporarily stop the bleeding.

“Illu, why does it feel cold in here,” you managed to breathe out.

His heart dropped to his stomach for the first time in history.

“Don’t say things like that!”

Illumi is already horrible at displaying emotions, but all he could do is frown in fear. Once the EMS came barling in, he demanded that he ride with you.

Illumi hadn’t experienced anything like this since Killua had been injured when he fell from a tree.

You and he were separated when you were rushed into surgery leaving him alone in the waiting room.

When Illumi is stressed and cannot properly display how he feels, he tends to act in “odd” ways.

He begins to furiously turn pages in magazines or bother the receptions every 2 minutes about the status of your surgery. When the woman finally says that you’re still alive, he tones it down a little.

Illumi is open to conforming advice from strangers; he has been receiving it secretly from strangers. Since Silva was busy abusing him, he often found comfort from “the streets”.

He has a bad habit of pacing back and forth and fidgeting in his seat while horrific images fill his mind. All he has seen is pain and even though he was used to it, he didn’t want you to go through it as well.

While sitting in his seat (finally!) and head in his lap, doubled over indescribable sorrow, a little girl walks up to him with her hands folded and a doll under her arms. Illumi feels her presence and looks up. The girl’s curly hair covered her endearing eyes and her smile is wide.

“They’ll be alright. I just know they will,” turning around returning to her mother, the girl said with confidence.

On cue, Illumi placed his hand over his heart, smiling just a little.

He walked quickly to your room once you were out of surgery.

His speed walk mimics one of a soldier; his left arm in since with his right leg. His shoes echoed throughout the hall.

As soon as he enters the room, he shuts the door harder than usual and gives you a tight embrace. This surprises you! You’re lucky if he lays his head on your shoulder!

Illumi had been working out lately. He wanted to beat you in the “squish the melon” contest. He is very competitive and even if he lost, that doesn’t hurt his ego. Not in the slightest. Since it was just the both of you alone, he bends down to hug you tight, so tight that your face is squished against his.

This behavior is only surprising because he usually doesn’t coddle you even when you get hurt, but this time he realized that you could have died from the gunshot wound.

After that he kissed your forehead and almost simultaneously the doctor barreled in just missing the sweet moment between you and your beau.

Chrollo

When Chrollo is holding meetings with the Phantom Troupe, he always appears to be neutral. That is very important. A leader has to show strength even through the worst/hurtful times of their lives.

Chrollo had gotten a call from Nobunaga that you had gotten hurt on a mission and had actually gotten captured by the enemy. Phinks was able to get you back but you suffered horrible injuries.

This is protocol; they do this for any of the members. The troupe was oblivious to the fact that you and Chrollo were dating. They thought you were here to replace Uvo.

In situations like this, he is calm on the outside but screaming on the inside. Common sense will tell you if you are startled by the news you’ve just received and you begin to drive, you could cause more harm on the way to your destination.

Chrollo is very silent; he doesn’t call to check on your status or anything; he would rather see it for himself.

You were a trooper! After all, you are dating a dangerous robber.

Chrollo already knew what room you were in so he just went.

“I knew I should have kept y/n by my side. Y/n insisted on doing my dirty work that they almost died! How foolish could I have been?” He constantly cursed himself for letting his guard down with you.

He always gave you room to think and complete your own tasks but he can’t help his protective nature; one he has for the troupe but times 10.

His childhood friends had been shot by law enforcers, his home was horrific, and the last thing he needed was for you to be gone. You were keeping him afloat in society.

When he opened the door, Phinks was sitting in a chair, one leg over the other, laughing at a TikTok video.

Nobunaga on the other hand was watching the world news and seemed invested that he didn’t hear Chrollo enter the room. Once they both saw, they stood to their feet.

“Y/n is ok boss. They suffered a few cuts and burns, but they're breathing.”

Chrollo’s straight face remained as he stared at you.

Chrollo’s silence is something the troupe has internalized as a sign of anger, rage, or both. When he didn’t speak and just stared, everyone knew that their next mission was going to be a brutal one.

Chrollo is a man that isn’t afraid to express how he feels. He could cry right now if he wanted to and no one would dare laugh at him or insult him. After all, Nobunaga cried when he realized Uvo was dead.

Nobunaga and Phinks excused themselves as they saw him place his hand over his mouth.

Once the door closed, He pulled up the chair, grabbed your hand, and gently squeezed it. His warmth woke you up instantly and you turned your head. You winced in pain causing Chrollo to jump from his seat, moving to your right side so you wouldn’t turn your head too much.

“I’m glad you're alive, darling. What were you doing putting yourself in danger? Feitan could have handled the beast!”

He isn’t trying to doubt your ability to fight, he’s just concerned for your safety. Even so, why would he insist that you join the spiders?

A tear dropped from his face as he silently kissed your hand three times. You smiled warmly and placed your right left hand on top of his.

“I am fine, boss. You need not worry. I’m a trooper, remember?”

He placed your hand against his dry cheek and continued to kiss it. You were his lifeline and he wanted to spend every moment with you.

[just-average-writer]

Water and Wine (Yandere Yelena x Reader)

Pairing: Yandere Yelena x Female Reader

Author’s Note: This is my first full fanfic ever, so if anyone has feedback pls lmk!! Just a reminder that since this is technically my first fic, it’s likely not perfect, and please be respectful of that when reading. Additionally, this is a work of fiction and I do not condone any of the actions in this story. I write about different and dark topics to express my imagination and develop character ideas.

This piece is for the Too Hot To Fuck collab hosted by @captainmcslashypaws 

Summary: Yelena’s been pining after you, even though the feeling isn’t mutual. With your horrible behaviour, the nice dinner she’s planned has been ruined. You understand she has to punish you for that, right?

Warnings: Non-con, yandere behaviour, drowning, waterboarding, dark themes, smut.

Word Count: 1.2k

The cold hard table slaps your face as you feel yourself being forced onto it again. You can taste the blood running down your face, your teeth chipping with every crack. You can see the tablecloth beginning to turn red under you. This is the fifth, maybe sixth time she’s slammed your face against the table. 

“You dumb bitch.” She seethes, yanking you back up by your scalp. It hurts, it hurts badly, but seeing her loom over you with that murderous look on her face replaces everything in you with pure, unfiltered fear. 

“Yelena, please,” You plead, hoping to resonate with something inside her. “I don’t know why you’re doing this to me! I know you’re an anti-Marylean volunteer, I know about your mission to Paradis, to help the Yeagers. I don’t get it- I- why are you doing this to me?” 

She’s taller than you, much taller, and you’re painfully aware of the height difference and she’s getting closer when she gestures between you to sit down at the table. It seems like she once had it set up for a fancy dinner, with what used to be wine bottles and wine glasses now smashed upon the floor. You wouldn’t want to have dined with her knowing what you know now either way.

Suddenly, she the expression on her face turns neutral. “I think,” She says slowly, “I may have been getting ahead of myself.” You’re thankful that your half-mad kidnapper is willing to talk, talk, and stop grinding your face away. What only happened minutes ago was enough to give you scarring nightmares. “I guess that maybe you haven’t recognized that I’ve been pining after you.” She says suddenly. 

What? Pining after you? But you have a boyfriend and- 

“I shouldn’t have made assumptions about your… abilities to pick up your surroundings, which I also believe you lack in various other areas, but I can’t deny it stung seeing you with him.” 

You know Yelena’s talking about your boyfriend, in the Garrison regiment. You can only pray he’s ok.

“What do you want from me?” You ask, leaning back in your seat to distance yourself from her. She’s terrifying, glowering at you, and then her face suddenly twists into a sharp smile. 

“I can come up with a few things I’d like.”

 You sit there and stare back blankly, waiting for her first words. She watches you carefully, then throws her head back and begins to laugh. 

“At first I just wanted to drink and converse with you, but at this point, I want to take the pace a little quicker.” What is she saying? When you don’t react immediately, she settles back into her seat, still keeping her grin. 

“It should be obvious I want to fuck you.” You sit there silently, unmoving, watching her.

“I’m not having sex with you. You’re insane.” You say slowly. 

“Maybe,” She shrugs, beginning to stand up. “But you’ll do what I want or I’ll punish you.” 

Instead of walking to where you are, Yelena moves towards a large mahogany cabinet at the far end of the room. She pulls out a large canister of water, a piece of cloth, and a human sized board, with a long buckle across the middle. She moves past you to lay the board down onto the table, and sets the water canister on the ground. Finally, cloth in hand, she turns to you. 

It’s disturbing how quiet she is, standing there silently while her dark eyes bore into you. All of a sudden, she lifts you up and slams you down and onto the board, making sure to fasten you down right away.

“Hm,” Yelena murmurs. “I think you need to be taught a lesson,” 

The last thing you see is a flash of short blond hair before the piece of cloth is forced over your face aggressively. You feel water begin to pour over your face, and your lungs begin to burn. You’re blindly drowning, you’re burning up alive, and all the while you scream. 

As soon as the wave of pain comes, it stops, and only the cloth is left on your face. 

“Yelena-” You wheeze, still gasping for air. She only shushes you and tightens the strap.

“Apologies, but I had to do that,” You know she’s lying. From the sound of her voice, she seems like she’s enjoying this. “You should understand that this is how I treat bad behaviour from you.”

You stay silent and tense up, as you begin to feel your shirt unbutton.

��This is going to feel good, don’t worry,” Yelena coos, her long fingers working quickly on you.

You feel her lips brush against your skin, peppering you with kisses as she moves down to your chest. She smiles at your nipples, and begins to nip at them. It feels good, in an awful and sick way. The same woman who tried to drown you was now leaving love bites all over your body, and you hate it so as a latch ditch effort you send the best sharp kick you can muster to her crotch. It lands, and for a second she yelps and jolts off you.

For a second, you feel good, until you remember that you’re the one tied down to the board. 

Yelena lets out a quiet kind of laugh, before you hear even more clothing being removed. But this time it isn’t yours. 

“It’s a good thing I decided to wear the strap today,” She says, and you can’t help but feel scared.

“Now I can fuck you and punish you at the same time.” 

You squirm and squirm until you feel your pants being torn off, and something both hard and cold at your entrance. Yelena’s large hand rests on your upper thigh, and within seconds, you feel a thrust and your body being invaded by something too big. It hurts sitting there inside you, and it feels worse when you try to move. 

And then, you begin to feel the water trickling over the cloth again, and a burning sensation returns to your lungs. All the while, Yelena begins to move and thrusts inside you. You scream your throat raw, but all Yelena does is laugh and moan. 

“You’re so- urgh,” She pants, ignoring your noises. “Finally you’re being good for me.” 

Water begins to fill you out even deeper, and you gargle your screams. She laughs even harder, and you feel as if you’re dying. She stops the water, but keeps moving inside you as you lie there coughing. Her bare thighs move against yours, and finally, she slows to a stop. She pulls out, and you hear clothing rustle in front of you. 

Yelena pulls the cloth off your face, and leans into you with a kiss. You begin to sob uncontrollably, and she unties you. You have no energy to move or do anything but cry and attempt to thrash around. You know you look like a gutted fish, left on a hook to finish dying. 

Yelena’s unreadable face begins to soften at your expense, and she sits on the table next to you, beginning gently caressing your face.

“I may have gotten overexcited,” She says, pulling you closer to her as she pets your head. You hate her. “But I had to break you before I brought you home.” 

And just like that, the fear you thought was starting to melt away begins to enter you again. Deep inside, you can’t shake the feeling that the horrible experience you just had wasn’t going to be a one time thing.

[zafirosreverie]

Can you make a Agatha x reader where Agatha accidentally blast reader with her magic and is unconscious but can here everything. And she can hear Agatha trying to wake her up but for some reason she can’t wake up so Agatha takes care and of her until she wakes up. But reader hears everything Agatha says to her. With a good and fluffy ending please. I love you work it gives me life🥰!!!!

Aww that's so sweet of you love! Thank you so much!

This ended up being longer than i intended but i loved writing it! I hope you enjoy it and that it was what you expected ❤

Warnings: angst but a happy ending

The day that time stopped (Agatha x Fem!reader)

Ah, shit. Well, you fucked up. 

You were making a cake for your and your girlfriend to celebrate your birthday (even when you knew the date didn’t matter in the current reality of Westview), when you noticed you were out of sugar. You rolled your eyes at the cliché of the scene, pretty sure it was Westview wanting you to play the neighbor that asked for sugar, but ever since you arrived at the town, you had no intention to follow Wanda’s script unless it was necessary and it involved a scene with Agatha. 

“If I’m going to play a character, I’m gonna be the lesbian neighbor” you once said to your girlfriend, making the witch laugh. Later, when Tommy and Billy started calling you and Agnes “aunts”, you winked at her and celebrated the promotion to “lesbian aunt”. 

Smiling at the memory, you decided to ask Agatha to magically appear sugar. You knew she hated when you asked her to use her magic for something so simple, but also knew she wasn’t able to say no to you, especially on your birthday. Never was, never will.

Smirking, you had gone to the basement, not really paying attention. Your mistake. The first rule of dating a witch is to always be careful when she was doing magic.

“Ags, can you help me with th-”  You stopped talking when everything turned black.

“Y/N!”

Agatha ran to you when you fell unconscious to the floor. She was making a spell that would allow her to knock out Wanda for a moment, enough to let her steal her magic and run with you. She was so concentrated that she didn’t hear your steps and your voice made her jump. 

“Y/N” she said again, gently moving you, trying to wake you up. You didn’t answer. That’s when she noticed her hands were still glowing and she gasped in horror. She used the spell in you. The spell that was meant for a powerful magic being, used in a human. 

“I’m fine, dear. But woah, if you wanted to have me on the floor, i know a better way” You joked, trying to get up. But you couldn’t. In fact, you couldn’t move at all. “What the- Aggie? A little help?” You said, or, actually thought. Your mouth wasn’t moving, and you couldn’t even open your eyes. “Oh. Oh no”.

You knew this place. It was your mind. You were trapped in your mind. Well, shit.

“Y/N, love, please answer me” You heard Agatha saying and you knew she was scared. You felt her magic wrapping around you, and a string pulling from the back of your mind, trying, begging you to wake up. But it didn’t work. 

Agatha felt tears begin to fill her eyes. Her magic wasn’t working. Why wasn’t it working?!

“Please, please, wake up dear” She whispered, pushing her magic harder.

“I’m trying!” You thought, starting to worry. If she couldn’t help, how could you get out of here? You didn’t want to spend the rest of your life trapped in your mind. 

“Hon, don’t do this to me. Please don’t” she begged, a little desperate. It broke your heart hearing her like that.

“I’m trying, doll, but i can’t.” You thought, wishing you could do something to make her feel better. You knew she was always afraid of hurting you with her magic, and you managed to convince her that it wouldn’t happen, but now, you weren’t sure how you’ll manage to calm her after this ended. At least, you hoped it would end.

Agatha felt the tears rolling down her cheeks when she realised her magic wouldn’t be enough to wake you up. She hated herself at that moment. How could she hurt you like this? 

“I’m so sorry love, please forgive me” she whispered, pressing a kiss on your temple, taking you in her arms and carefully lifting you. She used her magic to make the spell book follow her as she took you to your shared bedroom. 

You felt her put you in the bed gently, before climbing next to you. She put your head on her lap while she quickly turned to the book, trying to find something, anything, that could help you.

“I’m gonna fix this, love, I promise” you heard her say, while one of her hands caressed your cheek. It made your fears disappear, you knew she would never stop until she made you wake up. 

“It’s ok pumpkin, take your time” you thought, wanting to hold her hand. 

Agatha read as fast as she could, anxiety blooming in her chest. It has to be something she could do, anything. She cursed herself for not being more careful, she should have closed the door to the basement, she should have heard your steps. She should have waited to do the spell, and spend the day with you instead, like you asked. It was your birthday, for lord’s sake! 

“I’m sorry, dear, I’m so sorry” she mumbled again, knowing you couldn’t hear her, but needing to say it anyway. Her free hand going up and down your arm in an attempt to calm herself. Her heart stopped for a moment when she read the last part of the spell. 

Time. It was a matter of time.

“No” she whispered and you worried. “Wait? That 's all?! I can’t wait!” she growled and you felt her throwing the book to the other side of the room. You would have jumped if you could. Agatha sighed and turned to you, gently touching your face. She knew the book was right, she just had to wait and pray for you to wake up soon.

“I should have listened to you” she whispered in your hair, pulling you closer to her “when you asked me to spend the day with you, I should have taken you in my arms and carried you to bed again. Even better, I shouldn't have even got up. I should have keep you with me” 

Your heart melted at her words. When you woke up that morning, you had covered her face with small kisses, waking her up too. You giggled when she pouted at the early hour and you reminded her it was your birthday, kissing her again before pulling her over you. She had chuckled and joked about you wanting her at all times. She wasn’t wrong.

But when you asked her to spend the day with you, she sighed and told you she had to practice the spell so she could be ready to steal Wanda’s powers. It made you pout, but you understood that she had more important things to do. Agatha promised you to spend the rest of the day with you after she was done. Too bad you weren’t that patience and fucked it all up.

What a way to spend your birthday. Trapped in your mind while your girlfriend was having a crisis trying to wake you up. Great, just great. 

“If any ancient and mystic force is listening, please don’t take her away from me” She whispered suddenly, hugging you tighter.

When she was a young witch, her mother and the rest of the coven would often say there were other forces, stronger than witches, and that they’d help them when their magic wasn't enough. But she never believed that. For Agatha, a witch that relied on other than her magic, was weak and not worthy of being a witch at all. 

That was until she met you and she was afraid of her magic for the first time. You were just a human, but you meant the world for her and her magic could be too much for you to handle. A witch afraid of her power was a dangerous thing.That’s why she didn’t tell you she was a witch until you made clear you were serious with her. 

It was a huge relief when you looked at her with wonder in your eyes after she told you. She was afraid you would be scared and run away from her, but you had been eager to be part of her world, to learn everything she had to teach you, to understand and support her. She loved you more than anything.

Except power. A voice said in her head, making her feel guilty. Her hunger for power made her often leave you alone for days, even months. She never thought too much about it because when she came back, you were always there, waiting for her. You never complained about it, never said you felt alone, even when she saw it in your eyes. You never tried to change her. 

And it hurted her heart, realising how much you loved her. You didn’t say it out loud too often, but you were always making small things to prove it. And she took them for granted. But now, she saw how little she did for you, how small it was what she gave you, when you always gave her the world. Your world.

“I’m so sorry” she cried again, kissing you softly “I promise i will never leave you alone again, love. I promise i will give you everything i have, everything i am”

You frowned in your mind. You were heartbroken. You didn’t want to hear her like that.

“You already did it, Aggie” you thought “You give me all I want everyday you share your world with me. Every time you answer my questions, no matter how simple they are, when you allow me to watch you do magic, when you hug me, every kiss you give me. That’s all i want, and you give it to me everyday”.

“I’m so sorry i make you wait for me for too long” she said, unaware of your thoughts “It isn’t fair for you, I shouldn’t take your presence for granted” her tears falling to your face as she kissed you again.

“Please don’t cry, love” you begged on your mind. Stupid spell. Then, you remembered watching a documentary when you were alone in a hotel room, waiting for her to return from a reconnaissance trip.

It was about how human’s mind can be powerful and even made some people recover from serious injuries. At that moment, you laughed and thought it was a silly idea, but hearing Agatha like that, was enough to try anything. 

“I don’t deserve you” you heard the witch whispering. She sounded so broken. 

“Ok, that’s enough” you thought and tried again to move. Nothing.

“You’re too much for me” she mumbled.

“Okay, mind. You and I are not understanding each other. Either you help me here or we're going to have serious problems.”

“I promise i will do anything to be worthy of you” one of her tears fell into your own eyelid. 

“WAKE UP!” You thought, desperately “She’s crying! Just wake up, god damnit” You yelled on your mind. But Agatha’s magic was strong and you couldn’t move. It seemed like whoever made that documentary, never met a powerful witch.

You sighed and wanted to cry. But you couldn’t even do that.

____________

Agatha spent all day crying and hugging you, apologizing for what she did to you and promising you she would never use her magic around you ever again. You wanted to tell her it wasn’t her fault and the fact that she wanted to hide what she really was, broke your heart. 

You couldn’t know how much time had passed, but you were sure it was hours. When you felt Agatha changing your clothes gently (with her own hands, not her magic, you noticed), you knew it was night already. You spent your birthday trapped on your mind because you didn’t want to play your role and ask for sugar.

“Goddamnit Y/N” You scolded yourself.

You felt Agatha taking you in her arms again after she changed herself too. She pressed a kiss on your temple and you knew she didn’t stop crying all day. You were sure she didn’t even eat anything. God, it was a nightmare.

___________

Days passed and you were still unconscious. Agatha was so scared and tired. She barely slept and didn't even eat properly. She didn’t want to be away from you for too long, in case you woke up, but her hopes were always shattered when the night came and you didn’t wake up. It all felt like the same day, as if the time had stopped for her.

She didn’t go downstairs. The living room was still decorated with everything you had put for your birthday. At first, she told herself that she didn’t clean anything because you would be awake soon and you two could celebrate. But deep inside, she just wasn’t able to look at the decorations without getting to her knees and cry. She felt so guilty. 

“She just wanted to spend the day, her day, with you Agatha” she scolded herself “You couldn’t even give her a single fucking day” she said angrily. 

How could she claim to love you when she couldn’t even put her hunger for power aside? For just one day? She swore that the moment you wake up, she will take you and leave this hunted town. She will never let her own selfish wishes get between you two ever again. 

“You’re lying” The voice in her head mocked “You know the moment you get the chance to get more power, you’ll put her aside again. You won’t even keep the promise of leaving this place, not until you get that magic”

Agatha gasped when she finally noticed the voice her head was making up. It was her mother’s. She felt herself hit the floor and rested her in the wall, her tears rolling down her cheeks again. She already lost count of how much time she has spent crying in the past days. Much more than she has ever done, that’s for sure. 

It felt like the puzzle of her life was missing a part, and that was you. You were the piece that made her chaos make sense. And she was so lost without you. 

“Aggie” a soft whisper said, too low she almost didn’t hear it. She stood up quickly, but didn’t move. It wasn’t the first time her mind played tricks on her. She had heard your voice a few times, but everytime she ran to your side, you were still unconscious. Not sleeping well was taking its toll.

She was about to sit on the floor again, when she heard the whisper again.

“Aggie”

She didn’t want to get her hopes high again, but she also didn’t want you to wake up without her right next to you. You had already spent too much time waiting for her. 

You groaned when you felt yourself moving. It started subtly, your fingertips tapping on the bed, then your ankles shaking a little. It felt too good having a body again. You couldn’t say it was an awakening, because you’ve been aware of everything the whole time and you actually didn’t sleep at all. It seems like sleeping was for the body, but the mind was always awake, you just weren’t conscious of it.

Being “awake” for days wasn’t as tiring as it sounds, but it was a nightmare because it meant that you were aware of everything. You heard the birds outside your window, you felt the sun on your face, you heard people outside the house. The world kept moving without you. 

But the worst part was hearing Agatha breaking.

You heard all the words she said to you, all her fears, her guilty. You heard the promises she made, the desperation in her voice. You felt how scared of even touching you she was, thinking she would hurt you even more. But hearing her cry until she fell asleep, everynight, too broken and hating herself, god, it was too much. She cried like she never ever cried before, prayed for what she never prayed for. She struggled with heartache and fear. 

Agatha didn’t know, but you made promises to her too.

You promised to be more careful, you promised to always listen to her warnings, to be more patient and wait for her to finish her magic stuff. To always knock on the basement door and wait for her to tell you to come in. But above all, you promised to tell her how much you loved her, to hold her in your arms and do everything you could to make her feel better. You just wanted to erase her pain and guilt.

So, when you finally got your voice back, the first thing you did was calling her name. The syllables felt so good on your tongue. The rest of your body wasn’t awake yet, you couldn’t even open your eyes, but you didn’t mind. You called her, knowing she was always near you, so she would hear you, she had to.

“Aggie” you whispered again, and not even a second later, you heard her footsteps in the hall. She opened the door quickly and almost threw herself to the bed, taking you in her arms.

“Y/N?” she asked softly, staring at you carefully. Her heart stopped when she saw a small smile on your lips. You were awake. You really were awake.

“Hiya, SugarPlum” you said softly, slowly opening your eyes. There was no way in the world you would miss the smile you knew that was blooming on her beautiful face. 

Agatha sobbed a little and smiled at the pet name, while you finally, finally, opened your eyes. 

“Y/N” she whispered, praying this wasn’t another of her dreams.

“Shh, it’s me, I’m here” you assured her, slowly lifting your hand and caressing her cheek. 

The contact was all she needed to finally let herself go. She cried again, but this time, it was full of happiness. She hugged you tightly and kissed you. You happily kissed her back, happy that your body decided to fully wake up at that moment. Without missing a second, you pulled her over you. Agatha giggled a little, but the tears were still rolling down her cheeks. 

You wiped them before you kissed her again. God, how much you missed kissing her. It was different from when she traveled, because this time you were right there, but you couldn’t do anything. 

“I’m sorry” she whispered, hiding her face on your neck “I’m so so sorry”

“Shhh, it’s ok love. It wasn’t your fault” you said, rubbing her back.

“It was. I shouldn’t have-” she started but you have heard it enough when you were trapped.

“leave me behind. Or pushed me. Or taking me granted. Or should have listened to me and spent the day with me” you said, having memorized all her regrets.

Agatha looked at you, confused. You chuckled and caressed her face again. 

“I heard it” you confessed “i heard it all, Atha” 

“You could hear me” she whispered, but it wasn’t a question. You nodded and saw how her face changed between confuseness, happiness and shame. You heard everything?

You giggled, making her look at you again.

“Everything, my love” you said and kissed her again “but let me tell you something. You don’t have to stop using your magic around me. You don’t have to give up who you are for me. I love you, all of you”

“But i- i wasn’t fair to you, i left you and-”

“You didn’t. Everyday I get to be by your side, proves to me how much you love me. Dear, I waited all my life to meet you. Some hours, days, months, doesn’t matter. Because I know you will always come back to me.” 

Agatha was speechless, so she did the only thing she could. She kissed you agains, with all the love she had for you. 

__________

The next day, you two sat in your garden, eating the cake you made, both of you covered in flour from the little war you had in the kitchen. You kissed her cheek and she wrapped an arm around you. 

“I’m sorry i didn’t get you a proper gift” she said and you pressed a finger on her lips. 

“Nope, no more apologies. You promised” you said and she smiled, kissing your finger. “Besides, i don’t know about you, but i think not dying was a pretty good birthday present” 

“Don’t even joke about it” she warned you and you giggled “I’m serious, Y/N” 

“hmmm, add ‘Harkness’ to the last word and you have a deal” you winked and laughed when she blushed. 

You really loved your witch.