#its a plush of batman. this is going to be so funny to me

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff: Best of 2022

This current year I say was a better current year than the one before, I mean the Queen died and that was funnier than Elon Musk's whole existence beyond the fact he sucks at Twitter. Never mind the chaotic reality we have, I'm celebrating the 10 best animations to come out this year. The only rule being they had to debut this year so while these two were banger entries, Amphibia and Owl House have to be exempt because I want to be fair. Otherwise, ANYTHING GOES so let's go...

Number 10: Batwheels

This reached the list for the sheer fact that it feels like a joke but has a better punchline than it has any right to. It looks colorful with great animation, and even if it's a preschool series it's thankfully one that's just about the adventures of both the titular bat vehicles and the actual Batman characters. This isn't like Cars where there aren't any humans around and they're cleverly able to make everyone coexist in a way that never feels out of place. It works as a good morning cartoon and a kiddo's introduction to the Batman universe besides the comics or the 90s animated series.

Number 9: We Baby Bears

I feel like we all need that one shows that's just for cute vibes to curb the stress and mental instability that intrudes on you when you get home from work or school. Being the spin-off prequel to We Bare Bears, while it can be pretty plain in terms of premises it's cute and whimsical on its own merits. It reminds me of Klonoa where we're hopping from world to world, sometimes there are familiar faces but otherwise, it's just about having fun with the different environments with characters I bet most gen ziggas will be familiar with. I say it was a good series to start off the year and while Cartoon Network's future feels too uncertain, I don't think a show like this is such a front on their MO. Plus, bears are awesome.

Number 8: Sonic Prime

The fact that Sonic the Hedgehog basically gave us its take on Robot Pirate Island was enough for me to like this, but Sonic Prime works well as a new series. Low on the list because for eight episodes, it wasn't as fulfilling especially when it felt like the SatAM show but not as tight since it's a multiverse story. Not that it isn't fun, this has more jovial energy to this that feels like a mesh between SatAM and The Adventures of Sonic. The animation I say is peak for a Sonic cartoon, imperfect but it looks like they're let loose with movement and expression. Plus again, we got the battle of Robot Pirate Island ending with a funny abrupt bodying from Shadow. Overall, hopeful part 2 ups the momentum because this and the Mario Movie really look like we might be eating well next year.

Number 7: The Cuphead Show!

Cuphead changed the way we game. With the DLC released this year as well, we seriously got a franchise that earned its keep. It felt natural that we'd get a cartoon, running alongside the recent Looney Tunes and Mickey Mouse short series as a great resurgence of the rubber-hose animation style. I'll say though that the episodes are great for this show, gets really going when Ms. Chalice joins for real, but it's scattershot in terms of actual banger episodes especially when the Devil makes for the best episodes with or without the porcelain trio. They at least end the 3rd season on a high note so whether we get more or not, this was overall satisfying and worth the wait.

Number 6: ONI, Thunder God's Tale

Really sucks this was talked about by nobody beyond the Goomba Got Back dude, whose video on it was cool. This was an incredibly made miniseries created by the same studios behind DOMO, Rilakkuma and Kaoru, and the cutscenes of most modern Sonic games. I love the plush and clay look of the characters and the environments are insanely beautiful. Storywise it's one where it starts strong and gets stronger with every part like episode two's ending was a gut punch and the blows kept coming after that. I loved this world of yokai and kami and it was an emotionally warm tale of family and self-actualization. Seriously recommend watching this at least once, subbed or dubbed since both are pretty good. So yeah, everybody that proclaims "animation is cinema", where the fuck were you?

Number 5: Scrat Tales

Would've been wrong to not put this on the list since it was the last thing Blue Sky made before Bob Chapek took the studio out back. Even if Blue Sky never closed, these shorts were great, taking me back to when Scrat was at his best in the earlier Ice Age films. The animation is especially great and it just makes me wish Blue Sky got to do more because this really showed they were good with slapstick comedy and improved after two decades. Needless to say, this miniseries and their final short was them going out on a high note, giving the best middle finger to Disney after they tried to revive the Ice Age franchise with the Buck Wild movie. If there was anything to credit about this year, it was taking the bad with the good.

Number 4: The Bob's Burgers Movie

This was surprisingly the year when I watched a lot of movies. Thankfully I'm not a filmbro (yet...) but I've really appreciated the time I made in actually going to the theaters more than once, so yeah Bobby's Bunger. I say it works on its own but it's definitely more for fans of the TV series and even then you probably have to see the season that came before this to have better context. Besides that, you're just enjoying the good vibes that come from the characters, the humor, the animation, and the pinch of musical numbers we get; Sunny Side Up Summer was legit an earworm banger. It overall works when you know the Belcher family because they carry this film.

Number 4 (2): Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

Mate, when it reached a certain scene involving a poem, I was practically choking back my tears. You'll know there's a later stop-motion higher ranked, but this was the 2022 film that personally cut deep. I didn't think a film about talking shells would resonate with me this well, but this existed as more than just Youtube short films extended into a movie. There is a story here about grief, comfort, being internet famous, and community that I feel wouldn't have worked without it being like this. It had that cold but good reminder of how small you can feel with a world you can only wish to grasp in increments; that change is inescapable but that doesn't mean you should take that negatively. It's hard being fearless, risque as you can be with your opinions and ideas, especially with uncertainty. This I say is a great Autumn movie, wonderful in making the seasonal vibe feel more comforting.

Number 3: Smiling Friends

Yeah, it's high on the list. If it wasn't, that means Egoraptor probably made it. To me, Smiling Friends has the enjoyable chaos of Superjail and Aqua Teen with the thematic sincerity of Venture Bros or King of the Hill. It's the most easy-going adult cartoon that yeah, is funny as shit and is funnier the more you know behind the scenes. I gotta appreciate that this is the one time when people from the internet hit the big time and it doesn't feel like forgettable compromised trash. I'll say the Brazil episode was not good, but this was the consistently best show Adult Swim provided in a long while.

Number 2: Guillermo Del Toro's Pinocchio

Del Toro never gave up on this and what we got was better than expected. There are a couple story problems but it's more than made up by being an amazing retelling of the Pinocchio tale. I never grew up with Pinocchio mind you, I only got familiar with the story this year since it was everywhere, but I wanna say this was as strong an interpretation as one could make. Better than Disney's take I say where it's purposefully not squeaky clean in appearance or atmosphere making its poignant emotional moments hit a little harder. Being Del Toro's first fully animated movie, it's up there with Fantastic Mr. Fox as a film I'd consider a masterpiece on the dedication craft alone.

Honorable Mentions: Entergalactic, Hamster & Gretel, Minions 2, The Amazing Maurice, Chickenhare, League of Super Pets, Super Giant Robot Brothers, Cars on the Road, Little Demon, Pantheon, Baymax!, Turning Red, and Zootopia+

Number 1: The Bad Guys/Puss in Boots, Last Wish

I'll say it, Dreamworks truly owned the W this year. The fact that two-for-two Dreamworks gave us the best vibes in terms of films like it was nothing has to be appreciated. I was already a fan of Puss in Boots, the film and cartoon series worked as the Zorro franchise we could've got. The Last Wish enhances that with not only literal stellar and dynamic action, no bad characters, but an actual reflective story for Puss, like if the 1st film and series were about him being responsible this sequel was about him being humble, especially in regard to his own mortality and pride. This isn't just a regular adventure like before, there is genuine emotional weight behind what happens to the characters. Just saying, we didn't just get a fierce red-eyed wolf for furry-lusting sake, but an actually intimidating force that owns every scene he's in. Feels like this film truly marks the twilight of where the studio wants to go with its projects and I'm worried but faithful. Oh yeah, and The Bad Guys?

I didn't grow up with the OG books like I did with Captain Underpants, but this film both blew my mind and made me go back to see that the books were good too. Objectively, Puss in Boots was the better film but this was my personal year-round favorite. The VIBES this had with basically every other scene had me just as happy as when I saw the Captain Underpants movie. The animation, the banter, Diane who is everything, and the banging tunes like Good Tonight and the opening with Kitchen Clean were the cleanest scenes I loved all year. If Puss in Boots 2 was the modern Zorro movie I always wanted, this was the American Lupin the 3rd movie I never knew I would get.

All in all, Dreamworks put its best foot forward, far more than expected especially compared to last year or Disney this year. If anything, I'm definitely noticing a slow shift where more animated projects are... footloose and yards away from trying to look realistic or copy-pasted. Not saying it'll all work (remember when theOdd1sOut made a cartoon?) but it has me as faithful as before in seeing worthwhile stuff come to fruition. Then again nothing this year truly stacked up to the

ACTUAL NUMBER 1: SLIPPIN' JIMMY

I'm talking about the Breaking Bad masterpiece that earned a Slipjimmillion dollars in ratings and views, baby! The streaming service superstar of 2022 nothing could top it. Not Bluey, not Better Call Saul, not The Simpsons, not your dad, nothing came close! Slippin' Jimmy is the future!

WITH ALL THAT SAID, HAVE A GOOD NEW YEAR!

[emotionalcello-makefanfics]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Batman - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Tim Drake/Jason Todd Characters: Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Tamara Fox, Some OC for cuteness Additional Tags: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Sickfic, Tim Drake is Not Robin, Tim Drake is Not Red Robin, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Crying, so much crying, Love Confessions, Cheesy, God it's so cheesy, Cringe, So sweet so cheesy so angsty that you'll cringe, Tim Drake-centric, some Jason POV tho, A wild X-men appereance, I know they're not the same universe but I'm running out of character and running out of creativity, So yeah X-men characters and vaugly their mansion/orphanage too, Bruce Wayne Bashing, Some things that I don't put down bcs it'll be a spoiler, Smoking, Implied/Referenced Sex, POV from a cat????, The Clichést Cliché that ever Cliché, Cliche Summary:

They meet again on a rooftop after ten years. They're different now, and things are not the same. It's all too late. Chapter 1 sneakpeek

“Don’t jump.”

Sighing exasperatedly, Tim puts down his cigarette-clutching fingers and drags his eyes to the source of the voice. His gelled-back hair loses its hold and a strand of ear-length bangs falls to his vision.

Sadly, without seeing him and just from the voice, Tim knows exactly who this person is. One of the Bat franchise, and it just had to be the Red Hood variation, fucking great. Out of all time, it has to be tonight. The world is playing a joke on him.

Tim is sitting hunched on the rooftop’s edge, wishing he’d have some peace and quiet for once, and of course one of these pestering bats just has to bug him at the worst time. Yet, it’s actually pretty rare for Red Hood to patrol Gotham lately, and Tim curses up a storm in his mind. Out of all the days, it just has to be fucking tonight.

No, Tim is not having it.

“This man has too much to do tomorrow to jump.” Tim looks away, getting a light from his suit.

One hand lighting another one of his death stick, and the other unbuttoning his suit and loosens his tie. After a puff and two, Tim drags in and keeps the smoke in, letting his nerves uncoil. Seems like it doesn’t work that well when the big bad shadow of a vigilante doesn’t move from the corner of his eyes.

“I’m not jumping, go away, I can’t deal with you tonight,” Tim says as he sighs the smoke away to the red polluted sky, thinking the man must be deaf or just not convinced. Maybe the latter, the bats are famous for their tact after all. People say they’re purely human. Seeing Red hood’s physique, maybe this one becomes meta-human at some point.

Tim looks the other way so the vigilante is completely out of his vision, to make a point that he’s not having this conversation. He looks to the city, engulfed by the red sky. It’s bright since this building is at the heart of the city, where the higher caste of Gothamites live and prosper. You can see the border around the bright side of the city where the lights stop dead and darkness begins. The poor side of the city. The gap is ghastly, it’s what makes Gotham what it is.

Tim is not surprised but highly disappointed when he hears shuffling instead, and when he looks at where the tall brick wall of a man, he already sits down next to him. Red Hood keeps a respectable distance though, at least he has that much of a tact.

Red Hood hooks his fingers inside his helmet, does some finger shimmy, and the red shiny mask helmet is off. His face is still covered by a domino mask, his hair looks damp, and his gloved hands rake his jet black hair back. Curls bounce to his forehead, sighing a fog, the only indication that the weather is reaching the end of the year. In turn, Tim felt his cleanly shaved nape chilled.

From inside the leather jacket, the vigilante digs to look for something, and that’s when Tim realized he’s been looking at the cuts on Red Hood’s exposed forearms from the folded sleeves. Very thick and muscled forearms. This guy either lifts all day or a meta-human, not that Tim cares anymore.

“Got a light?” Red says, plush lips smirking.

Tim sighs, guess he has company today. He digs into his suit and throws him his lighter. The masked man inspects it and Tim rolls his eyes. The lighter is a metal one that you flip, and on it engraved ‘From my heart with love, that this one lasts longer, Tam.’

“A sweetheart of yours?” Says the man, the second sentence he speaks, and Tim doesn’t recognize the voice. Deep, gravely, the typical voice of someone that smokes.

Red Hood extends his hand to give back the lighter to Tim instead of throwing it, must’ve thought it’s special.

“Kind of,” Tim says, receiving the lighter.

Red Hood drags in, keeps the smoke in, “Why kind of?” and sighs.

“Never established the relationship.”

“Commitment issues?”

Tim quirks an eyebrow at the man, sitting just as hunched as him. There’s a pillar beside Tim, and he lays his back there, thinking whether or not he should engage in this conversation. Eh, why not right? It’s not like it’s confidential information, and Tim is just so tired of caring about social politics.

“I was too late,” Tim says. It’s not as painful to say now, but lately, Tim has been numb. He’s been numb for years. Tim’s gay, or so he thought. When he began to really love her, she’s gone from him.

“Girl got another guy?” Red Hood teases.

“Girl got dead,” Tim deadpans. The smile dropped from the vigilante’s mouth, and if only he can see his eyes, panic would look funny on the all-powerful Bat. But, no, Tim can see his tell by the tapping hands.

“Ah fuck, sorry.”

Tim chuckles at the spectacle of an awkward vigilante. Maybe this night won’t be so bad after all.

“Relax, I’m not too sad about it now, it was years ago.”

It’s hard to predict Red’s expression with that domino mask that takes his cheekbones and half his forehead, but Tim’s pretty sure the twist on that mouth means his opinion of Tim isn’t good. Well, not that Tim cares.

“How did she die?”

“Wrong place, wrong time,” Tim put the filter on his lips and drags in as deep as he can. Too deep, and Tim coughs hard, once and twice that his vision blurs. Her face comes to vision, the morbidity of her expression tips Tim’s nerves off balance. Tim quickly takes another deep drag, “She was in the Joker’s way.”

At the name, Red Hood snaps his face at Tim. Slowly, languidly, Tim looks back. The vigilante clenched jaw and balled fists look like he’s about to kill somebody. Tim knows that a few years ago Red Hood kidnapped Joker, didn’t kill him, and just vanished before popping up again to have a vendetta against Batman. What a load of drama those bunch.

This also means that Tim knows exactly who this person is. Suddenly the voice registers, the familiar jaw, the soft fucking tone.

He blames it on the nicotine that his heart is calmer than he’d like, his mind still not on overdrive, still plagued with Tam’s face as she died in front of him. He’d breathe smoke instead of oxygen if he could. God he wished he’d breathe smoke from now on. Why does it have to be today? One grace from the universe is that Tim -for some reason- feels amused instead of dread.

“You look like you’re about to kill somebody, Red,” Tim says, can’t help the ease and sass in his voice. Tim lays back hunched, crosses his legs. “I thought you let go of your vendetta against the Joker.”

“Where do you hear that bullshit?” Redhood snaps and Tim can’t help but let go another chuckle.

“People talk, words get around,” Tim says.

“Then they’re far off the truth,” Red hisses before dragging in his cig.

“Yet the Joker still roams.”

“Ain’t my call.”

“Is it the big bat daddy calls?”

Red Hood splutters at the name and Tim smirks evilly at the reaction. “Ew, don’t call him that!”

“I can call that higher-than-thou furry hero wannabe anything I want,” Tim spits bitterly, looking out to the city. Sometimes when he’s really lucky, he’ll catch one of the bats twirling in the sky, and now one of ‘em is sitting beside him, but sadly it’s not the most shocking knowledge he has today. “One of these days it’s going to be my turn.”

“What?”

“Dying in the collision of mad men’s evil master plan you refuse to get rid of.”

“Ck, I don’t like what you’re insinuating.”

“Sorry then, I don’t mean to insinuate anything. This is me telling you loud and clear that you’re all cowards for not killing these maniacs that kill us like ants when you have the power to stop them.” Tim’s voice is even and chill, it did not raise a tone, but it reduces the bulk of a man beside him to still. “Some of us rooted for you when you caught the Joker, and your reputation gives us high hopes that it’ll be the last of him. Then he showed up again.” Tim feels the lighter in his pocket burn, “Then Tam died.”

Tim pumps his lung full of smokes, keeping it in there so that the clawing gloom will die before it takes roots.

“I almost did kill him, Batman stopped me,” the gravel voice says lowly.

Tim feels himself stiffens, now that’s something he doesn’t know. His eyes scan the hunched vigilante, trying to find any sign of a lie, there’s none.

“Shit,” Tim curses, sighing up smoke and quickly takes a deep drag in. “Fuck Batman.”

For the first time, Tim hears Red chuckle, “Yeah, fuck him.”

“Still your family though, right?” Tim says, earning what he thinks is a glare, who would fucking know with that mask. “Why else would you stay in his line?”

Red Hood looks away, not answering.

“Guess I understand. Proving something to someone.”

Red scoffs, “Would you?”

“You know who I am.”

“Yeah, not your story.”

Tim scoffs at the obvious lie, “Look it up. I have better things to do than telling you my backstory that’s a google search away.”

Tim Drake. Son of the CEOs of Drake Industries. Running smoothly since ever he becomes the COO. Yada yada, young and successful, yada yada, has the reputation to chew out the reporters and a resting bitch face, all that shit. Tim doesn’t have the best bedside manners, but when it comes to business, Tim gets things done, and his business partners know to swallow their pride for a potential too stupid to missed just because Tim has fangs.

“I dunno, you’re pretty mysterious in the eye of the media,” Red says.

“Because they’re nosy pricks and not worth my time when they’re asking me about rumors of my flings.”

“They’re not true?”

“What the fuck are you? Does TMZ sent you?”

“Good point, never mind.”

They let the quiet settle in, and Tim isn’t too bothered by the company so much. The red amber eats to his filter. Tim puts out the light and puts the bud back inside the pack while he gets another one. He looks down at his light, which reminded him of Tam. Damn, she was such a good assistant, she’s also his best friend but a damn better assistant. Tim doesn’t let himself think about it.

He lights another, and puffs.

“Shouldn’t you be patroling?” Tim says before he can stop himself.

“Nah, not here to patrol, just some errands.”

“Don’t mind me. I’m not jumping.”

“No, I know that,” Red says, tone softer that Tim narrows his eyes at him.

“Lonely?” Tim teases, putting the filter in his lips while locking eyes to the pair of white lenses.

Red shrugs, “Just wanna kill time with someone that doesn’t wear one of these,” he says, tapping to his domino mask.

Tim hums imagining himself with his family, “Yeah, me too, I’d take a vigilante franchise over family dinner anytime.”

“Aww,” Red surprisingly coos, making Tim flustered.

“Don’t get it twisted, my family sets a pretty low bar for good company.”

“I can say the same, Timmy.”

Tim flinches, “I didn’t say you can call me Timmy.”

“What about friends then?” Red follows up, ignoring him.

“Joker killed my only best friend. Oh god, stop making that face, everyone I know got someone they know killed by the Joker, or Bane, or.... shit just those freaks.”

“Doesn’t make me feel better.”

“I don’t care what you feel.”

“I’m wounded,” Red says in that joking ‘boo-hoo’ voice but it was the last thing to snap Tim’s patience completely. He hates this casual conversation as if nothing happened.

“I’m not jumping, and I know you’re not here just to talk to some random civilian. You know who I am, so say what you wanna say and go,” Tim inhales deeply after the low-toned rant, only to be met with another silence.

They stay quiet for a few whiles again. Smoking the tension away. After Tim’s cig burns halfway, his nerves calmed down. Then he realizes that Red is looking at him. Staring.

“What?” Tim says, sighing smoke.

“Would you kill Joker if you could?”

“In a heartbeat.”

“Killing someone isn’t as easy as it sounds, especially if you did it before.”

“You underestimate my anger then.”

Red Hood goes still for what Tim is insinuating. His phone vibrates in his pocket. Tim gets it and his new assistant reminds him of a flight in an hour and he needs to be ready in half. Tim puts out his cig and pockets it.

As he stands up, he looks down at Red Hood, really looks at him. It reminded Tim of the time has passed. It’s been so long.

“Nothing to say?” Tim asks, he has an underlying tone of ‘last chance.’

“Thanks for the light.”

Tim clenches his jaw and breaths slowly. What did he expect? “You caught me at a bad time but it’s good to meet you again, Jason.”

When Tim walks away, his elbow is grabbed and he’s spun to face Jason in all his bulk. Looming over him with his height.

“You know who I am?” Red says with a threat in his voice that makes Tim wants to laugh.

“Are you really that surprised? Or did you forget me when you fucking died?” Tim smiles bitterly.

Moments passed, eyes on each other, chest to chest. The last time he sees Jason, Tim was staring at these white lenses too, and Jason was still as tall as him. At this close, Tim sees tiny tears that heal pale than the rest of his tan skin, bulked up body looming over him that used to be similar to his. For anyone, Tim had two best friends, Robin and Jason Wayne-Todd, he had known the two are the same. Seems like Jason doesn’t.

Doesn’t matter now. Everything said and done. Too late.

“Say your goodbyes now,” Tim says, because why else would his childhood friend pops back again after a decade of not saying anything after he returned to life. Tim doesn’t realize it’ll hurt this bad though. Missing Tam doesn’t hurt this bad.

Perhaps it was because the scar never healed right, but he still thinks of Jason like a big chunk of him that’s been torn away forcefully, even now.

“I’m sorry,” Jason finally says, low and guilty, as he should be, but it irks Tim to no end.

“I lost you, and when you’re back you didn’t tell me,” Tim says, his voice cracks and he curses it to hell. Red Hood’s been around for years, and Jason never came to Tim to say he’s alive.  “If you have nothing else to say, let go of me.”

“I didn’t know that you knew.”

“What?”

“I didn’t know you know I was Robin... Did you know... everyone?”

Tim rolls his eyes, “Yes.” Gloved hands still on his elbow, and white lenses not letting him go. The non-challant face he wears slips off as if oil just slicked between the mask and his skin. His heart picks up a beat. There are layers between their skin, Jason’s thick gloves and Tim’s three-piece suit, but it feels warmer. Burning.

“Damn,” Jason curses under his breath.

It’s just a little thing, but Jason’s silence following that is a nother prick to Tim’s skin.

“Is that all?” Tim dismissed, pulling his arm away, but Jason only holds tighter.

“I didn’t know, okay?” Jason pushes, “And you’re a civilian, you’re not supposed to know Jason Todd is back to the land of the living.”

“A civilian,” Tim mutters under his breath. That’s all he is to Jason? All this time. His chest hurts, Tim knows this is because of Jason’s words instead of anything else. “Get away from me.”

“I’ll see you again,” Jason says before letting go.

Before Tim can say don’t bother, the man puts on his red helmet and grapples away. For a moment Tim can see the shadow of red yellow green flying away.

[thr-333]

Mismatch- Part 24

Bio dad Bruce Wayne Month 2020

Oh dear, oh dear Lila what a shame this is

First< Previous > Next

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The next couple of days are... awkward. Dick keeps calling which is nice, they even go for dinner one day dragging Tim along. Tim seems fine, tired but that's hardly unusual. Jason had just straight up disappeared, but Dick had assured them he would be coming to the Wayne Gala that weekend. Speaking of which they had been invited, well they were already going because of MDC stuff but now they were also invited as civilians. The news would have been happy if Damian hadn't stormed out the room when it was mentioned. The next day and the day after that hadn’t improved anything, Damian was completely ignoring them and they weren't the only ones to notice.

“What did you do to upset Dami so much?!” Lila announces rather loudly to the entire cafeteria, “I told you, you were going too far,”

“Lila, and I mean this sincerely, fuck off,” Marion says flatly, he hears Marinette cover a laugh despite swatting at him lightly.

“How dare you?! I’m just trying to look out for him,” Lila sniffles, basking under the attention of her large audience, looking between the girl and Damian. Marion catches Damian's eye, raising a brow basically saying you’re going to let this slide? Apparently he was as Damian looks away from them, and if anything was going to give Lila more believability it’s that.

“Marion are you alright?” Rose asks gently, having tiptoed after Lila with the rest of the class. Had he been looking so downcast she actually noticed?

“I’m fi-” Whatever assurance he was about to give is mute as he feels tears sliding down his cheeks, “Fuck-I just-”

He tries to wipe away the tears, very aware of everyone watching him. It’s starting to get hard to breath when he feels gentle arms wrap around him. It’s Rose. Rose is actually hugging him! It’s been so long he forgot what her hugs felt like. Well if she was trying to stop him from crying that certainly didn’t help matters. He tries to take a calming breath but it comes out more like a sob and soon enough he can’t hold it back anymore. A fine place to break down Mari, really, truly a testament to your skill.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this here,” Lila scoffs, Marion can feel the arms around him tighten, “After all the work I put in for this trip-”

“LILA WOULD YOU JUST STOP!” Alya’s scream makes them all jump back, Marion turning to face the absolutely seething girl, “This is the first time in YEARS we’ve been allowed to feel emotions! So just leave it alone, they’re allowed to be sad!”

“Well-I-its-they-” Lila splutters looking completely blindsided that one of her puppets broke off its strings, clearly she hasn't been paying attention the last few weeks, funny when you save someone's life they tend to listen and care about what you say a bit more. And if that leads to noticing a few more jibes in their direction... well that's just a happy coincidence.

“What is your problem!? You’ve been nothing but nasty to them since we got here!” Well a bit longer than that but good on you for noticing Alya.

“Oh, it’s just been so hard for me!” Lila exclaims, crocodile tears coming in as Marion still tries to wipe off his own, the genuine article at that, “If you had heard some of the things they’ve said to me-”

Lila jumps as Damian appears next to her. He doesn't look at or acknowledge the twins. In fact, he still looks rather pissed but at least some of its directed at Lila this time. He silently hands his phone over to Alya with some hesitation, Lila's eyes go wide. As quickly as he had come he’s gone, disappearing into the crowd that had formed around them.

“What’s-”

“Give it!” Lila screeches, lunging for the phone. Alya jerks back in surprise, Lila’s nails tearing down her arm. Ugly red marks that had broken the skin and gone in deep.

“What the hell!” Alya shouts through tears, clutching her bloody arm as the class crowd around her.

Instead of apologizing Lila tries to snatch the phone in the moment of distraction, but Alix is a hair quicker. She presses play despite Lila shouting threats that made the rest of the class go pale. The recording plays everyone is glued to it. The class becoming increasingly more hysterical. Marinette doesn't wait for it to finish, she gently guides Marion out of the room slipping through the crowd. They hide in an empty classroom, far enough away they can’t hear the outcry that follows.

“Do you think that’s really it, it’s done?” Marion whispers, Marinette is wiping his face with a handkerchief he had always made fun of her for carrying.

“Maybe, I honestly can’t bring myself to care anymore,” Marinette rests her forehead against his, her standing as he sits on a desk, “I thought I’d feel more…”

“Victorious?”

“Yeah,”

“I don’t think there are any winners here,” He can hear someone shouting their names down the hall, voice wobbly with tears, he doesn't care about any apology the can muster, “How lame did I look crying?”

“In front of the whole school like that?”

“Yeah,”

“I’d say it was pretty brave,” She pulls him into a hug, squeezing tight.

“He was just ignoring us,” Marion admits quietly, Lila hadn’t made him cry in a long time, but Damian? Damian did.

“I know,” Marinette pats his head, the same way she would tease him as Chat Noir, “But he did something in the end didn’t he?”

“Oh, gee look at this lame-ass, better make him stop before people associate him with me’,” Marion does an impression not remotely close to Damian, Marinette pinches him.

“That’s not what he was thinking and you know it,”

“Yeah,” Marion sighs, he can hear doors opening and closing now, apologies cast out through the school in hopes they’ll hear them, “What do we do now?”

“Jump out the window?”

So they did end up jumping out the window. Something Alfred had somehow known they were planning because he was waiting right there to pick them up. The debated on actually going to the manor, but their phones were lighting up with messages and the hotel was not an option. The Manor was silent when they arrived. And it remained silent for most of their stay.

Dick had apparently set himself a mission of making them feel at home, whatever that meant, and was nowhere to be seen. He seemed like the only one actually happy to have them join the ragtag family so without him it was likely the others were just avoiding them. That was fine, really, Alfred set them up with a movie and ice cream that they used to ignore everything else.

Dick was their saving grace and the bane of their existence. When he came back he had apparently made the decision they would be staying at the manor for the rest of the trip, despite it only meant to be a few more days(it wasn't for them but he didn’t know that yet). Alfred had apparently told him what happened and he had brought it upon himself to bring their friends, actual friends not classmates to the manor. This was a blessing and a curse as all they seemed to want to do was fill them in on what had happened.

They listened and ate ice cream together. And yeah Marion kind of wished he could have seen Lila as every lie was torn down but Chloe rejoiced in relaying her reactions with great detail. She had of course tried to lie and turn it all on the twins, them trying to frame her. However, with blood running down Alya's arm that warranted a trip to the hospital it was met with a cold shoulder. Their talk eventually morphed into laughing at all her outlandish lies, which Chloe gladly compiled into a list to share with the rest of the class, ranking them in order of their stupidity. She planned to go through the whole list on the plane ride back where there would be no escape for anyone. It was fun in a way, and if Marion noticed more than one pair of eyes spying in on the conversation he wasn’t going to point it out. Lila was yet to face her dues.

When their friends had to go back to the hotel they promised not to give anything away. Alfred gratefully let them skip over dinner and Dick was overjoyed to show them to their rooms. Marion kind of wanted to laugh when he was shown his, wondering how much of it was Dick, how much was Bruce, and what was Alfred.

There were cat plushies everywhere which he had to guess was Bruce latching onto the detail from the fair and indeed Dough boy is sitting front and center on his bed. Then again wherever he was over he did spend a lot of time with Catfred. It could also be Dick taking note of that because really everything has cats on it. There's blankets, pillows, a rug with kittens over it. There was an armchair shaped like a cat head, and where had they even found that? It only got worse the further he went into the room noticing that the curtains had been replaced to have cats on them and there were pictures of cats hanging on the wall, the lamps in the room even cast shadows of cats. The only thing he could find that wasn't cat-related was a picture of them with Bruce at the fair, each sporting a plushie with Bruce holding a cutesy Batman plush between the grinning twins.

“Nette my defining trait isn’t cats is it?” He walks into her room through the joining door he was willing to bet didn’t exist a week ago. His side, of course, had a cat painted on it, he closes it just so he has less exposure to all the cats.

“Course not,” Marinette grins from her sewing machine.

She had a more, let's say subdued room. Oh sure Bruce had apparently found her all the Ladybug plushies he could but they apparently didn't have the same abundance as cats. Instead, he seemed to have focused on her sewing kit. Mannequins littered about her room that Marinette had already started pinning fabric to. Half of her walk-in closet was dedicated to spools of fabric, the other stocked with clothes. Marion didn’t dare brave his own knowing he would find only cats .

“Did you notice the dollhouse?” Marinette asks as Marion flops onto her bed, at least you could actually see her bed and it wasn't hidden by a pile of cats.

“Yeah mine was stocked with camembert and sugar cubes,” and it had personalized rooms for both Kaalki and Plagg that they were happily exploring.

“Mine cookies,” Marinette hums, more concerned with her design than the topic at hand, “Think we got found out,”

“Probably, whoever it is hasn't said anything tho,” Marion looks over at the large dollhouse in Marinette's room, Tikki waved at him from a window and he waved back.

“Probably Alfred,”

“Probably, that mans a witch,”

“A Witch?”

“I know what I said,” Marion sighs, sealing himself to go back into the cat infestation. How do you politely say ‘thank you so much but what the fuck?’

He knew he had to brave the closet sometime as someone had been so kind as to put away his clothes. Sure enough, it was as bad as he had imagined. Everything from t-shirts with cartoon cats to clothes carefully crafted to have cat ears. I was actually kind of amazing at this point. Giving up his conquest to find his actual pj’s he buttons up a two-piece that is, naturally, covered with cats.

On his way out he notices a bit of black at the very front of the closet not fitting in with the color-coded organization. He pulls it out to find a gorgeous leather jacket that was completely devoid of cats! Huzzah! There was a note hanging from the sleeve which Marion unfolded.

Knew Bruce and Dick would be idiots so I got you something actually decent

I saw the room and yeah it's a fucken mess

If you ever need it gone or I don’t know accidentally set on fire give me a call

Marion chuckles knowing it could be no one else but Jason he tucks the note into the jacket, pulling it on to find a perfect fit. He keeps it on as a shield, something solidly not-cat is comforting at this point. He pushes the piles of cat toys onto the floor and seriously he was going to have to have a talk with Bruce about moderation and interior decorating. He lies down looking up at the ceiling, then immediately getting up and storming into Nette’s room. He was not going to sleep under a mural of cats! Nope not tonight! Not ever!

Marinette doesn't even look up from where she’s hunched over her desk as he flops onto her bed. Can someone be over the moon to be surrounded by ladybugs? Yes provided they have had an overexposure to cats first.

“I know we don’t want to go to school tomorrow but I can not stand a second more in that room,”

“Schools over Mari, it’s the concert tomorrow remember?”

“Goddammit,”

“Jasons having a bad influence on you,”

“Can’t we have just one day of rest?”

“No, now go to sleep,”

“You first,” Marion shoots, back despite curling up under the blankets.

“If you want to wear that jacket tomorrow you better take it off before it gets ruined,”

“I can wear it for the concert?” He shoots back up, excited but takes her advice anyway.

“ No I did not spend weeks designing a new jacket for you to wear that,” Besides it doesn't even have bats on the back,”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” Marion yawns, sinking back into the bed, and wow it’s really soft, “What if we changed them to Robins?”

“... you really don’t want me to sleep tonight do you?”

“Means I get the whole bed to myself, a master plan if I do say so myself,” Marion doesn't even stir as the pillow hits him square in the face.

----------------------

Taglist:

@technicallyburninggarden @fusser90  @misslenamooney @superbwhispersconnoisseur @biodad-bruce-month @nalu-ismyjam @the-one-woman-army @rosesandsailboats @blackmagicforever @zeneralla @ivymala07 @tired-butterfly @Ranger-gothamite @A-star-with-a-human-name @enchanted-nerd @trippingovermyfeet

[imagineswriting47]

Lost Voice.

A/N: this is for the anon who asked Can you write a Dean x reader? The reader hates her laugh and hides it all the time, but she giggles one day after Dean catches her off guard, and he thinks it's adorable? This took on a life of its own. I hope you like it.

All mistakes are mine and mine alone 

Warnings: Mentions of abuse.

Summary: Finding your voice is never easy after a lifetime of pain.

Paring: Dean/Reader

The hunt had been an easy one. Salt and burn and no one had disappeared since we got into town, so I would call that a win for the three of us. What surprised me was the fact that after the hunt, Dean didn’t want to go out to the bar. Instead, Dean and Sam got some pizza and a case of beer before coming back to the motel room. With both of them, Sam and Dean telling stories of past hunts. I sat a little out to the side and away from. Not really having a lot to add to the conversation, I have been hunting as long as they had. With not having any stories to share, I was happy to sit and listen. Sam has his head thrown back, laughing at something Dean just said, pulling me back into the present. 

“Come on Y/N, you can't tell me that wasn’t funny,” Dean says with a smile on his face. I just shrug my shoulder and laugh at him. Dean’s smile falls a little then. If I hadn’t been looking, I would not have noticed.  But I did. It doesn’t help that I am always looking at Dean. Dean is just so beautiful, and he doesn’t even know it. Dean doesn’t know how I would love just to sit and count the freckles that cover his face. To look into his eyes to see every color that hides in their depths. Oh, don't get me wrong Dean knows that he is good looking. I just don't think that he believes hi is worth more than what he lets himself have. Before long, the clock is showing that it’s two in the morning. I leave my half-finished beer on the table before grabbing everything that I need and make my way to the bathroom—showering quickly, knowing that I need to go some hot water for the boys. After I finish in the shower, I turned it off; then, I can faintly hear the boy’s conversation.

“Sam, I don't think that Y/N likes me.” Hearing Dean says that makes my heartbreak. How could he think that I don't like him? “Dude…”

“I mean it, Sam in the time we have known Y/N I can count on one hand the times I have heard her voice.” I know I don't talk a whole lot. But I didn’t think that would matter to them. I’m a good hunter; I always follow the plan and make sure that I have their backs. Not wanting to hear the conversation anymore. I decided to dry my hair before getting dressed and leaving the bathroom “It’s about time Y/N.” The bathroom door closed, leaving Sam and me in the room.

“How much did you hear?” Sam asks me as I take a seat on the bed next to him, It was Sam, and I’s turn to share this hunt leaving Dean to have his bed. “Enough,” I whisper, my voice rough from not being used in a while. Sam knows a little about why I don’t talk. A lot, Sam had to piece together on his own as I didn’t come right out and tell him. Sam knows that I had been abused as a child. That my father would beat me if I made any noise. Even now, years after I had last seen my father, he still has this hold on me. My voice, I hate my voice. Every time I hear it all, I can think of is pain. How bad my father beat me this time for making a noise. The boys were the first guys that I can remember feeling safe around. But something just can't be unlearned. 

“I can talk to him if you want. Set him straight.” Sam says to me as he takes hold of my hand. “No, I…” I don't get to finish as the bathroom door is thrown open steam rushing out of the room. “All your’s Sammy,” Dean says with a smile on his face. Knowing Dean, the smile is because he used all of the hot water. Usually, I would stay up to watch what Sam did to get back at Dean. But not this time. Climbing into bed, I make sure to leave enough room for Sam. Dean doesn’t say anything to me before climbing into his bed and turning the light off. Sam isn’t in the bathroom long, and by the time he crawls into bed. I can feel the cold just coming off of him. He tries to keep from waking me up, I reach behind me and grab his hand, pulling it over my waist. Sam gets the idea and rolls onto his side, his chest against my back. With my finger, I write ‘no hot’ against the end of his hand. I can feel him shake his head ‘no,’ putting a smile on my face.

With Sam understanding why I don’t talk, we have managed to find a means to speak without me needing to say anything. To most people, it would look as if we are just holding hands. It probably even looks that way to Dean. I know that he always looked confused when I would climb into his bed on the hunts that it was our turn to share. I know that I need to tell Dean that Sam and I are not together. Dean has asked Sam on more than one occasion if we were together and Sam being the amazing friend that he is by not agreeing or disagreeing. With my mind up to talk to Dean the next day. I let sleep pull me under.

I wake up the next morning to the sun shining in my face and an empty bed. Sitting up, I look around the room, finding Dean sitting at the table looking for our next hunt; Sam nowhere to be seen. He must still be out for his morning run. I was running my hand through my hair, hoping to get some of the knots out of my hair. I quietly make my way over to him before I tap him on the shoulder. When he jumps, it is then I notice the headphones that he is wearing. I give him a small smile hoping to show that I am sorry for scaring him. I take the seat next to him as Dean takes his headphones out and turning the music off before turning to me. 

“I heard what you said last night, Dean, and I want you to know how wrong you…” I don’t get to finish what I was saying as Dean moves, and I can't help but flinch waiting for the punch. I must have a look of fear on my face as Dean’s eyes grow wide, and worry makes its way onto his face. Once I get my breathing under control, I tell him my story of growing up. How no matter the monsters we face, the worst ones will always be the human ones. What my father put me through as a child. All the pain, hurt, hunger. Everything I tell him everything, even the things that Sam doesn’t know. By the end, I feel lighter by getting it all off my chest.  But that doesn’t mean that I can look Dean in the face. 

When my voice falls quiet once more, I can hear the chair scrape across the floor as Dean gets up to move away from me is my only guess, How he knows how weak I am. So I am surprised when I see him kneeling in front of me, putting him right in my line of sight. “Can I hug you?” I nod my head yes before I am pulled from my chair and into his lap. His arms are wrapping around me. I forget about Sam until I hear the motel door open.

“What happened!?” Sam says in a panicked voice. I just pull myself closer to Dean, burying my head in the side of his neck and breathing him in. Sam lowers himself onto the floor next to us. He is going to worry until he knows that I am okay. Letting go of Dean’s hand with my one hand, I grab Sam’s  hand to tell him ‘fine, told him.’ Knowing that Sam would understand what I meant.

Everything changes after that. They don't treat me any differently on hunts. But now I found myself writing on Dean’s hand just as I do Sam’s. I also start to find my voice. Talking some here and there to the point months after Dean and I’s heart to heart, I found myself speaking better often than not. On bad days the boys don't try and make me for that I am thankful for. The beautiful thing is I have gotten to know Dean better. I have gotten to know somethings that Sam might not even know. I have also found myself sleeping in Dean’s bed more than Sam’s. Dean and I seem to sleep better when we can hold each other. Sam looks happy about how everything between Dean and I are going. Sam knows how I feel about Dean might also be the reason as well.

A year after telling Dean about my childhood we are traveling down the road, I am half listening to Sam when Dean says, “I’m Batman.” Having heard about the hunt with the rabbit’s foot, I can't help but laugh. I can't help it, but picture Dean dressed up as batman. Only when I look, I notice both Dean and Sam are looking at me. Dean in the review mirror and Sam is turning in his seat to look at me. I can feel my cheeks turn red before saying, “What?”

“Just never heard you laugh before,” Sam tells me with a smile on his face. With Sam’s words, I can feel my cheeks turn even redder. Looking out the window, I don't see the look that the brothers’ exchange. When we stop for the night, Sam goes on to get us all something to eat. Feeling embarrassed about what happened in the car, I sit as far away from Dean as I can. 

“You should laugh more.” I hear from across the room. “I mean it Y/N you have a beautiful laugh,” Dean says in a quiet voice almost as if he is afraid to speak those words. “I don't,” My words are spoked just as quietly as Dean’s. I don't take my eyes off my journal as I write about the last hunt we had only been on. I don’t see Dean get up or walk over to me until I feel the bed dip from Dean sitting on the bed next to me. 

“You do Y/N I would love to hear it more.” He whispers as he lets his hand rest against my cheek moving, so I am forced to look Dean in the eye. I can't help but lean into his touch. His hand is warm and rough against my cheek. Dean slowly leans closer to me. Eyes are dropping down to look at my lips before looking back into my eyes. I gave a small nod of my head, closing my eyes. I can feel Dean's lips against my own. His lips are rough, chapt, plush. I gasp when I feel his tongue run across my bottom lip. Unexpectedly, Dean’s hand drifted to my hip. It settled there and pulled me closer. Inhaling sharply, I was against his warm chest, chiseled to perfection. Must he be so perfect? I splayed my hand against his. Dean’s breathing quickened as did mine. Dean began nuzzling my neck with delicate kisses. Thus faint, they were whispers. His head was angled slightly to the side as his lips came closer and closer to mine. Our breaths mingled. My heart fluttered inside my chest. At first, it was a delicate butterfly of a kiss. Then his arms encircled me before pulling away from me. 

“That was…” I say, breathing hard. “It was.” Dean’s breath is warm as it ghosts across my lips. With that, I can hear the door to the motel room being open before Sam steps into the room. With a smile on his face, he just mumbles, “Its about time.” as he sets the food onto the table in the place.

A/N: Leave a heart or a reblog!! Furthermore, remember the requests are open!!

[hobbitsnapes]

The Red Hoods Protègè chapter 8

Older Damian Wayne x ofc

(Photo made by my lovely friend @bakketsux)

Summary:Red hood has taken a young vigilante under his wing and subsequently changes Damians life forever. (I suck at summary’s)

The sound of feet tapping and General noise from the kitchen woke her up from her slumber. She rubbed her eyes to rid them of the cloudy vision she had and sat her head up, listening to see if it was actually real and not just a dream. Once she heard more noise she realized it was actually real and sat up.

The touch of the plush rug she had just got 2 days prior a welcoming sensation in her bare feet. Due to the dropping temperature making the hard wood floors uncomfortable to walk on.

She sat up fully and looked at the clock, the red numbers flashing 6:45 a.m. why would jason or Roy be out there making so much noise? Both men usually up at this time but are still so tired they hardly make noise.

She stood up and slipped on her slippers and a large robe and walked out the door, the sight in front of her making her double over in laughter

There stood Jason in an apron with flowers decorating it dancing and singing little bitty pretty one as he made pancakes.

When he hears her he spins around with a large smile on his face. He walks over to her and grabs her hands and starts to dance to the song with her, both laughing as if they lost their minds. “D-dad why, why are you doing this?” She says between laughter. “Does it matter?” Says Jason as he spins her around.

The pair dancing around the kitchen both now with spatulas in hand acting like they’re microphones.

They don’t even hear when Roy berguduantly walks into the kitchen. Only hearing him when he turns the music off.the two turn around and look at the large redhead with confusion. “It’s not even 8 in the morning. Why are you up dancing like a chicken with its head cut off.” the two look at one another and then to Roy.

Before he can move the two run and tackle him to the ground. A loud thud when they all hit as all three laugh in a pile on the floor.

As Damian walks to the same bench with Titus beside him he sees her standing with what looks to be a book bag on her arm. When he sees her funny a large smile stretches across his face at the small jump she does when she sees him.

She starts to run at him and he stretches his arms out to her but rather than running into his arms she crouches down to hug Titus. “Hii pretty boyy, oh I missed you so much.” She says in a baby voice to a very excited Titus who has now taken to liking her entire face. She laughs as Titus climbs on top of her and knocks her to the ground. But rather than pushing the large dog off she rubs behind his ears, the dog laying down on her as she does this.

She stands up and looks at Damian, with his usual clean shaven face and pushed back hair, but now wearing dark pants and a white long sleeve tucked into his pants.

He looks at her as she stands up, her short black hair having a soft wave to it, high waisted jeans with a slightly baggy white long sleeve cotton shirt tucked loosely into her jeans. Her electric blue eyes framed with just a simple mascara and what looks to be nothing else in her face.

Before Damian can say anything she reches up and takes him into a almost bone crushing hug. The action startling him until he snaps out of it and wraps his arms around her. Him having to slightly bend as she is significantly shorter than him. She rests her head on his shoulder and he does the same. She smells of a faint rose and vanilla sent. Probably a body wash rather than a perfume. Her breaths evening out the more he holds her. Neither wanting to let go until Titus nudges in between them.

They both laugh at the obviously jealous dog. They look into each other’s eyes and smile. “Never thought I’d see the day.” Confusion takes over her as he says this. “What do you mean?” “Never thought I’d see the day that you look even more stunning than usual.” A deep blush covers her face at his words. He chuckles at her as she dips her head down as she blushes.

The pair spend the rest of the day at the park, she had brought a bag full of fun toys for Titus to play with. The large dog never growing tired as they play fetch and run around the park until darkness falls over the city.

When they part ways they make a promise to get coffee the next morning. A large hug is shared as a goodbye as he watches her walk down her street back to her home.

And they continue this pattern for a few weeks, going to get coffee a few times a week in the morning at what is now their favorite cafè. It’s never crowded and it always smells of fresh baked goods as the two sit and catch up. They first started out by sitting across one another until one day Damian takes a seer beside her. Now the two sitting beside one another each time.

As the two get to know one another, they can feel the connection they share, as if it’s a small bubble that they are in. Their what once was a small look at one another can last for minutes. And during which Damian finds his arm wrapped around her.

Each time they part ways his heart pulls at the sight of her walking away. His heart beating fast each time she walks through the doors to him. He’s gotten her order memorized so much that when she gets there, he’s sat with her usual at their same spot.

All these times have been blissful, nobody coming up to them or any urgent phone calls. It’s as if everyone knew they were together and chose to not bother them.

That was until Damian and her decided to go to the park.

As the two walk towards the entrance of the park, a man runs up to them with a camera in his hands. “Hi there, I'm Mark and I work for the Gotham Gazette. And you’re Damian Wayne, the son of the billionaire Bruce Wayne. And you are? And where are you two going?” The man looks at her as she looks away from him to Damian, obviously very uncomfortable with the man asking who she is. “We’re going for a walk is all. And it’s none of your business to know who she is.” Damian says as he looks the man in the eye. His usually calm face now hard. His usual flirty and happy voice turned sting and annoyed. “Well I’m only asking what her name is.” Says the man now annoyed due to damians response. “Yes and I know why you’re asking for it. It’s not out of kindness but out of it’ll get you paid more to know who I’m with. And again, it’s none of your business.” As Damian says this he puts her slightly behind him, her arm wrapping around his as her head leans bows to the ground. “Is the reason you won’t tell me who she is is because you’re embarrassed to be seen with her?” The man says this with a smirk, thinking he’ll get a great story out of this. His smirk leaving his face at damians once annoyed face turned angry. “The actual reason I won’t is because you vulchers want to know every single detail about my family’s life. You want to know so you can snap a photo and write a poorly written story about her and have her face on front news so you get a few extra bucks. And for what you just insinuated about her and I due to you not getting your way I could make one phone call and have you fired. It’s not out of embarrassment. It’s out of respect for a human being not to be put out in front of everyone like a circus animal. Now, if I were you, I’d walk away with an apology to her and go find something else to exploit.” He stutters out an apology and briskly walks away with his head low. “You didn’t have to do that for me Damian.” “Yes I did, I didn’t like what he said about you and he had no right to even think it.” “Yes but there’s other ways to to go about it, you didn’t have to call him names or threaten to get him fired. A simple leave us be would have done the trick.” “I guess I’m just worried is all.” “Worried about what?” She tilts her head to the side as she asks this. “I’m worried about them getting to you. It’s been absolutely amazing these past few weeks just being with you, nobody asking questions or making assumptions or, anything. People make being famous this amazing thing when it’s not. It’s not all you can buy and parties and loved by everyone. It’s constantly checking to make sure you say and do the right thing, it’s worrying every time you’re out someone like him coming up to pry into your life, it’s always having eyes and expectations put on you. It’s fun when you’re a child. You think everyone loves you when in reality, you’re under a microscope.” “I have an idea!” Now Damian is the confused one. “What would that be?” “You said that people are always watching you right?” “Correct?” Now he’s even more confused. What could she be on about? “Then let’s have a day where you’re not Damian.” “I don’t think that’ll work.” “No im saying, get a disguise of some kind, get some clothes you never wear and some glasses and a hat.” “And how well do you think that’d work?” Damian asks, now amused at what she’s saying. “Well nobody’s deduced who Batman is and he only covers half his face.” This makes Damian laugh. “This is true, alright then. I’ll have to ask my friend for some of his clothes if we actually want this to work.” “Then let’s plan foorr, Saturday?” “Alright, I’ll text you the address of the place, I’ve been dying to take you there. And bundle up it’s quite chilly there.” “Alright, now let’s hurry up. I got bread to go train those ducks in the pond to do my dirty work.” A large laugh is heard from Damian at this.

As Jon takes the laundry to his room to fold he hears his phone ping. He goes and grabs it,thinking it’s a text from his mum asking to see if they ran out of milk. But what he sees is an unknown number with a single text. ‘I’m coming over.’ This frightens him as he doesn’t know who or how anyone would know not only his number but his address.

He doesn’t have time to get downstairs before a car pulls into the driveway. And out walks, Damian? What is he doing here? “Is your father or brother present?” “Um, no. Why are you here anyways.” “I’m in need of a favor.” This shocks Jon. What could Damian need that he doesn’t already have. “I have to borrow some of your clothing.” Now this shocks Jon further. “And why do you need my clothes?” “I have a date, and we decided that it’d be a good idea for me to be dressed in antire I don’t normally wear.” “So you and your girlfriend are dressing up in disguise so nobody will recognize you?” Jon says with a laugh as him and Damian go up into his room. “She’s not my girlfriend Kent.” “Yet.” This makes Damian blush and Jon laugh at his lack of response.

Jon searches through his closet until he finds clothes that would fit Damian, where Jon didn’t become as large as his father, he does stand a few inches taller than Damian. He gets out a few items that are typically too large on him and hands them to Damian. “These should do the truck. And good luck dames.” “Thanks, and so help me if you tell anyone about this I’ll shove a sword dipped in kryptonite so far up your ass it’ll end out your mouth.” “Secrets safe with me man.”

When she gets to the address of the place Damian texted her she looks around for Damian. A gasp leaving her when she finds him waiting at the door. “Oh my gosh you look so cute.” She says when she hugs him. He’s wearing light wash jeans, with a white t-shirt and a dark red flannel with a leather jacket over the top. His usually styled back hair flattened to his forehead due to the black beanie he’s wearing. His usually bright emerald green eyes covered by thick framed glasses. He looks nothing like the usually well dressed and confededemt man but looks like he walked out of a magazine nonetheless. “Yeah yeah yeah. You said to disguise myself so I did.” “Well I think you look very cute, you look cute in formal wear, casual wear, and a disguise.” “So you saying I look cute all the time?” Damian says with a smirk. “Yes, always.” “Well same goes for you.”

The two step inside and the coldness of the room truly sets in. She looks out and sees people out on a large ice rink, some are holding hands, others are skating fast around in what looks to be a race and others are falling flat in their ass.

They pay the man at the door and put on their skates. As she takes a step into the ice she feels her ankles shake and so she grabs onto the side of the rink. “Umm, did I mention I don’t know how to skate? Cause if I didn’t well I can’t skate.” This makes Damian laugh as he watches her grip for dear life to the side of the rink. Her knees bent as she tries to move but looks more like a baby deer. “Here, come and grab my hands.” Damian says as he places his hands over hers. She slowly grabs his hands but starts to shake as he takes her hands away from the walls and into his. “Do you trust me?” “Yes.” This makes Damian smile. “Then trust that I won’t let you fall. Now I need you to turn around okay?” “O-okay” as she turns around on shaky legs, she feels damians flush his body to her back and let’s go of her hands to wrap around her front mid section. She instantly relaxes into his hold as they slowly start to skate around. Her arms over his as they move along the ice. His head leans down close to hers, she can smell his cinnamon chapstick with his lips being so close to her. “See I promised I wouldn’t let you fall. When you’re with me, I don’t want you to worry, I won’t let anything bad hurt you.” “I know, I feel safe when I’m with you.” This makes damians heart beat faster. Never once has he felt the way he does for her and her saying that she feels safe with him, warms his heart beyond belief.

They skate around some more in silence for some time, just enjoying their time together. “See that guy right there? The one in the green jacket?” “Yes? What about him?” She asks Damian. “His feet are wobbling the faster he goes, in about five seconds he’s gonna fall on his ass.” And sure enough, in just a few seconds the man goes from looking confident with his skating to falling on the ice. This makes her throw her head back into Damian and laugh, her laugh shaking her chest and simultaneously making Damian chuckle at her. Her nose and cheeks flushed due to the cold temperature of the room and her smile wide across her face. “You look so beautiful when you laugh.” As he says this she blushes, but before she can lower her head like usual, he grabs her chin and plants a soft kiss to her temple. The action making her gasp and flush deeper. Damian chuckles at her shock and mentally pats himself on the back. He’s wanted to kiss her for the longest time, but opted out a kiss to her rosebud lips for her temple.

The two skate around until the rink closes, both again making plans for the following weekend to the same restaurant they had their first date. But where their usual goodbye hug is replaced with her giving him a soft kiss to his cheek. A shock going through him as her soft pillowy lips touch his face.

As the two wait for their dinner they chat about what happened throughout the week, even though each night they find themselves texting until they can’t keep their eyes open. “Yes I know trying to smuggle in a pot belly pig into a mansion isn’t my greatest idea, but I couldn’t help but take her home when I found her.” “Why don’t you just have a farm built to house all your animals dames? I bet that'd make your family happier than to walk in and see another animal running around?” There’s plenty of Rome’s I can put them. Besides, it’s always funny when one of them gets into drakes room and rips his pillows apart.” This makes her laugh. “You really can’t stand him can you?” “We're way better than when we were younger. But it’s still really funny when my animals mess with him.” She laughs as he says this, his obvious dislike for his older brother apparent.

The two sit and enjoy their meals, chatting until a song is played. She gasps and stands up, grabbing his hands in hers. “This is my favorite song, please dance with me?” “We're at a restaurant, people will think we’re mad.” Damian laughs “and this is Gotham, plus we’re away from anyone who can watch us. Please dames?” Damian gives in and holds her to him, one hand in hers and the other on her lower back as he gently sways her to the music. “What song is this?” “It’s by the singer birdy, it’s called wings. I’ve loved it for years.”

The two sway to the song until the chorus comes on, she starts to lip sync to the song and this makes Damian chuckle. Her arms above him as they sway faster to the beet. The two sway to the song wrapped in one another’s arms until the end of the song.

As the two head out the door, hands locked together they spot a group of people, all with cameras watching them and are walking towards the pair. Damian tenses up as he sees them, knowing that they’ll bombard them both with flashes and questions. They both turn to one another and before he can say anything she takes a firm hold of his hand. “I know what to do.” “What’s that?” “RUN!” She yells, Damian barely hearing her before they start taking off down the street. They laugh as they pick up their speed, now at a full sprint. They see a bench in their way and both jump over it, they duck under some hanging plants in the way as they take off. They keep running even when they cross the street. They yell and laugh as they run, probably looking as if they’ve lost their minds. But neither caring at all at the moment.

They finally stop when they find themselves at the park, now vacant of anyone due to the late hour. They stand there as they catch their breath. Both laughing still. “I can’t believe we just did that!” Damian yells, “did you-did you see their face!” “No I was trying to run!” This made both have another fit of laughter. Blood still coursing through them and excitement still preset. They laugh some more, until they both look at one another. His hair no longer in a neat style, now messy with his face flushed and a large smile on his face. Her once neatly curled hair unruly and a mess with flushed cheeks.

They stop laughing as they lock eyes, their breathing slows to an almost stop. Before either can think they lean in at the same time. Lips crashing together as what could only be discribed as a pull so tight finally letting go. They both let out a sigh as their lips move in perfect harmony. His cinnamon chapstick blended with the tea he drank earlier making her yearn more for him. Her hands hold onto the sides of his face as his arms wrap around her, holding her tightly to him as all the emotions and want finally exploding between the two. They can feel the sheer passion and yearning between them as their lips move together. His hand going from her back to the back of her neck to hold her closer to him as their lips dance. Her hands going into his hair and lightly pulling the stands into her fingers to ground herself. A groan leaving him at the action. Her hands travel from his hair to the front of his shirt, pulling at the material. They break apart as they giggle, Damian unbuttoning his shirt as they smile into the kiss. Once damians gotten his shirt off he takes her jacket off of her, the cold air sending a shiver up her spine and a gasp to leave her lips. He wraps his arms back around her the warmth surrounding her as his lips cover hers like a plush blanket, his arms enveloping her as his hands hold her as if he was pouring out every emotion he can through them. His hair softer than she could imagine as she held it between her fingers. He lays her down on the damp grass, what would usually be prickly to her skin is a comfortable tickle that intensifies her nerves as shocks fill both of them. She removes her hands from his hair and run them down his neck to his shoulders, she runs the pads of her fingers across his body as a shudder comes from him at the contact. He grabs a hold of her thigh with his hand and grips it, the action causing her to moan into his mouth. His grip on her tighter due to the sound. Her lips remove from his as they kiss at his exposed neck, a moan mixed with a stutter leaves him as her soft warm lips wrap around his pulse point. The pleasure causing him to shake. He lets out small moans as her tongue runs around his neck as pleasure shocks through him. He can’t take it anymore and pulls her mouth back to his, their tongues meeting as they deepen the kiss. They lay there tangled in each other, the darkness around them and the chill air a distant memory to them.

They lay there facing one another, his arm under both their heads as the other wraps around her, pulling her to him. Her fingers running softly arose the side of his face and neck. As both lay there, so close their breaths melding into one, they share another small kiss, lips barely touching as they do. As Damien looks at her he smiles, a large lovesick smile covers his face as he looks at her. Her hair now even more of a mess, flushed cheeks and her usual soft lips taking on the color of a deep red rose. “What are you doing to me?” Damian whispers, it’s as if he takes any louder he’ll disrupt the calm atmosphere around them. “And what are you doing to me?” “I know what I’m doing.” Damian whispers to her, his lips ghosting over hers. “I’m falling for you.” Their lips meet again, basking in one another as they lay under the stars, neither being a billionaire son or masked vigilantes, they’re just themselves in that moment.

Tags: @comic-nerd-dc @psychovigilantewrites

[nadjastersurveys]

Randomly Random - Part 1  

Middle name? I don’t feel like revealing my middle names here.

Favorite color(s)? I like purple but every color can be nice.

What college do you want to/or are attending? I’m not attending a college/university right now and I have no idea if I ever even will.

What do you want to/are you majoring in? -

Democrat/republican/other? Other?

Birthday month? I was born in October

Do you dress according to your mood? I’m not sure, I don’t really pay attention to that lol but I dress according to the weather and where I’m going to though.

Tomboy/girlie girl I still don’t know lol. I guess mostly a bit more tomboyish.

Are you good at doing hair/make up? I don’t wear makeup and the only hairdo I do is that I put my hair up in a ponytail lol.

Do you wear glasses? No.

Can you drive? No.

Are you shy? In front of people I don’t know, but I wouldn’t call myself shy in general.

Are you always worried or stressed about something? Not always but I get stressed and worried really easily.

Tell me about your dream wedding. I don’t dream about having a wedding lol.

Randomly Random - Part 2

Do you like to sing? When I’m alone, yes.

Do you like to write poetry? I don’t think I’ve ever actually done that.

Can you swim? I can but I’m not a swimmer, so I’m not good at that.

Do you like the pool or the ocean? I prefer actually swimming in the pool. I just dip my feet and maybe legs in the ocean/lake.

Do you hate water in your face? Well no unless it gets in my eyes lol.

Do you hold grudges? Noo, I don’t feel like that solves anything.

Are you/have you ever been in love? I don’t know, I feel like I am right now though.

Do you/did you ever sleep with a teddy bear?if so who gave it to you? I have a big bunny plush toy in my bed but not a bear. My mom bought it for me haha.

Are you a very random person? I don’t even know what that means lol.

What do you do when you’re nervous? I tap my fingers on everything and just do anything with my hands.

Do you love making new friends? Yeah it’s fun because I’m not very good at getting to know people.

Do you like the twilight series? Never read/watched those.

Favorite animal? Cats.

Randomly Random - Part 3

Do you have any pets? We have two cats.

What would you name your daughter? I haven’t thought about it yet lol.

^ your son? ^

What length hair do you like in a guy & why? Whatever fits them pretty much but I’d say boys with a bit shorter hair are usually more attractive, especially like a buzzcut lol.

Do you have friends who are shorter than you? No I’m the shortest.

When you get mad do you cry? Sometimes yeah but it just depends on the thing I’m mad about.

Would you ever consider modeling? Nah.

What color eyes do you wish you had? I'm happy with my eye color but sometimes I wish for more lighter brown eyes, like amber eyes.

Silver/gold jewelry? Silver.

Do you always wear jewelry? My earrings and my nose ring are the only jewelry I wear.

Are you afraid of needles? Not really.

How many kids do you want? I don’t know yet.

Long/short nails? Short but not too short.

Do you like wearing hats? Sometimes yeah.

Randomly Random - Part 4

Do you love taking pics? Yeah it can be fun.

Do you sunburn easily? Not super easily, no.

Does mall Santa Clauses or Easter bunnies freak you out? I've never seen mall Santas or Easter bunnies haha.

Do you prefer to call a person or wait for them to call you? I like when people call me first for sure but sometimes you just have to call first.

Are you scared of crossing bridges? Those wonky bridges, yes lol but I’ve never had to cross one.

Do you have a short attention…oh squirrel…span? Yeah.

Do you hate sitting in silence but get irritated if someone talks too much? Well yes something in the middle of those two is nice.

Has anyone ever called you baby or hun? No.

What’s your favorite kind of chocolate? Milk chocolate.

Would you consider yourself clumsy? I can be pretty clumsy.

Do you hate using public restrooms? Yess I try to avoid them as much as possible.

Do you like when a guy picks you up in his arms? No guy has ever picked me up in his arms haha but sure, that would be nice especially if he’s someone I like.

Ever bought ice cream from an ice cream truck? Yes but that was ages ago.

Do you hate chihuahuas? I don’t.

Randomly Random - Part 5

Has a teacher ever made you hate your favorite subject? Nope.

Do you like hairless cats? Yeah I think they look cool and kind of mysterious.

Did you ever cry at school? Yep.

Have you ever had a poem or story published? Nope.

If you had/have a kid would you ever let them get a tattoo? Well if they’re old enough then yes.

What’s your favorite thing to have for dinner? Just something with chicken or fish.

Would you ever paint your walls red? Nah, I like them white.

Have you ever licked a pole? No lol.

Has your hand ever gotten slammed in a car door? No but my head has lol.

Are you allergic to grass? No.

Do you love guinea pigs? Yeah they’re pretty cute.

Do you prefer to write on chalkboards or white boards?   Chalkboards are nice but I wouldn’t mind writing on a white board either lol. It doesn’t matter.

What is the worst thing you ever did that got you grounded? I don’t know if I’ve ever been grounded haha. I’m not sure what that even actually means. I was sent to my room a lot when I was an annoying 7-10 year old though lol.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?   I could really use a wish right now so yes.

Randomly Random - Part 6

What would you do if your best girlfriend said she was lesbian? I’d support any friend who tells me that.

Have you ever been chased by a snake? No.

Where do you wanna work? I don’t know.

Is there something you tell yourself you’re going to do but never do? There’s some things, like I’ve been meaning to watch this one movie for like 6 months now.

Has a teacher ever called you an idiot? Not to my knowledge but I wouldn’t be surprised if they did lol.

What awards have you won? Medals from dance competitions.

Do you get nervous eating in front of people? Usually no, but that has happened.

Would you consider yourself good at taking care of kids? I've never actually taken care of kids so probably not now.

How old would a guy have to be before you wouldn’t date them? Right at this age I wouldn’t date anyone older than 18.

Be honest, have you ever tried weed? No.

Has anyone ever broken up with you with a note? Never broken up with anyone before.

Have you walked into a wall? I’m sure I have.

Do you have sensitive teeth? No.

Do you sleep with a fan on? In summer if it’s really hot.

Randomly Random - Part 7

When you hear sirens, do you get afraid its someone you know? When I see a firetruck go with sirens on I always worry if it’s going to our house.

Do you often get nosebleeds in the winter? I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a nosebleed because of winter lol.

What’s a word you use to substitute for a cuss word? I don’t use substitutes for swear words lol.

What was the worst thing you ever did to get detention/suspended? I’ve had detention mostly for forgetting to do my homework.

Have you ever suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder? No.

Have you tried the new crackle nail polish? No.

Do you enjoy the “i love you more” argument? No lol.

Do you like the color yellow? Yeah I like it.

Trees are awesome! Yes? Why not.

Do you suffer from nasal allergies? I don’t.

Marrying your cousin. Yay or nay? Well, no lol.

Are you distracted by anything shiny at the moment? Ooo shiny!! No.

Has your parents ever called you names? Like mean names? No like they were trying to be mean, they were just telling the truth haha, like lecturing me if I did/do something annoying or wrong.

Have you ever seen a cat have a hairball…i have soo gross Yes.

Randomly Random - Part 8

Have you ever had a tooth pulled, i have : / No, the thought of that scares me.

Do you still watch tom and jerry? : ) I’ve never watched that but I read the comics often as a little girl haha.

Do you use your hairbrush as a microphone? No lol.

What’s your usual morning routine? I get up, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, get some breakfast and get dressed properly if I have to go somewhere.

Do you ever get bored with something so you’re unable to finish it? Yes I get bored so easily it’s ridiculous.

Do you wanna redecorate your room? I’m happy with my room.

Have you ever worn black to someone’s house & left covered in fur? Haha yes people who have cats have cat hair everywhere around their house usually, just like our house.

What would i expect to find under your bed? Just dust lol.

If i were to walk into your room, would i be able to see the floor? Yes it’s not messy and I hate when I have stuff that is not furniture on the floor.

What is something you did when you were a kid that you still enjoy? Dancing is one thing.

Has anyone ever said they would love you forever, was it true? I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me.

Do you watch America’s Got Talent? No but I sometimes watch some clips of it on YouTube.

Do you ever sit and look at old photo albums & recall memories? Yes that’s fun.

Do you watch onision on YouTube, if not you should he’s hilarious. This didn’t age well lol. I’ve seen some of his first videos and yeah they’re pretty funny but now he’s in deep shit and so many people hate him. I feel so uneasy and weird watching his new videos also because he disabled the comments in the videos and you can’t see the likes or dislikes either.

Randomly Random - Part 9

Don’t you just hate taking showers in the winter? Noo, I like it but I like taking showers in any season.

Do you say “epic fail” a lot? I’ve never said that lol.

How personal does a question have to be so that you wont answer? In surveys? I wouldn’t tell my last name or the place i live in like the adress.

Do you ever feel like sometimes you have short term memory loss? Yes because I have really bad memory.

What if a stranger came up to you yelled BATMAN & ran away? I would jump a little because it’s something I don’t expect to happen lol.

What’s your favorite kind of pudding? Vanilla or caramel.

Did you ever run over something with a lawn mower? Never used a lawn mower.

When someone says don’t look do you look? Well sometimes.

Have you ever played spin the bottle? Once yeah.

Did you ever have a cat that was obsessed with shoes? No lol.

I believe i can fly! Ever jump off things & try to fly? I haven’t haha.

What was your first Halloween costume? I’ve never dressed for Halloween I think.

Ever have chicken pox? Yep.

Did you eat your Wheaties this morning ? What was for breakfast? I had a smoothie and crackers for breakfast lol.

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #11 (1979)

The only weapon you need to provoke a police officer to violence is scorn.

Sorry! The above caption had nothing to do with The Cockroach's first appearance in Cerebus and everything to do with how the Omaha Police arrested peaceful protesters by claiming that they're purpose was to "attack and/or provoke police officers to violence." Also, you can tell they're already spinning and lying by adding the "and/or" so they can imply that the protesters are planning on attacking police. And, well, even if they weren't (and they did say "or"!), their other main plan was to provoke them. But of course everybody whose ability to perceive reality isn't clouded by their incessant need to defend police no matter what understands that police will abuse their power at the drop of an eye roll. They believe any slight disrespect is an excuse for a violent rebuttal. They force physical violence on people whom they have no reason to arrest simply so the person can struggle against the assault, as any normal person would do, and then claim resisting. Police should be confronted by scorn and disrespect at every turn. Only when they learn not to instantly resort to violence and threats will they deserve to not be. Welcome to my comic book and/or police review blog! Deni's "A Note from the Publisher" continues on a theme that I hadn't noticed until just now: every new issue of Cerebus now seems to be a landmark issue! It's an interesting self-promotion take that I have to admit I'd never thought of trying. "Every new Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea review is a landmark review!" You know what else is a landmark? Places & Predators, my Cribbage-based Roller Playing Game! You don't even really need any friends to play it. Just read it like a book and enjoy it! Or play it like a Fighting Fantasy Adventure Book! Use some online Cribbage app! Figure out how to use the crib in ways the online app definitely won't let you! Oh, the reason this is a landmark issue is because more letters came in than normal! It's a hit! Deni also reveals that she'll be making the Cerebus plush toys that were advertised in previous issues and at half the price! So kudos for stealing that job from the person who originally made them! It probably wasn't anything so dramatic but what fun is going through your life defaulting to the best, most optimistic possibility in every given situation? Have some fun! Act paranoid! Purposefully misunderstand your father and scream in his face! Kick a dog! Sorry! I got carried away! I would never kick a dog unless it was attacking me. But even then, I'd be wishing I was kicking the owner who let it go off leash. The dog doesn't deserve my epic self defense tactics in its soft face. But the owner certainly does!

The basics on the origin of The Cockroach.

I didn't realize Dave came up with The Cockroach because it was gross and disgusting. I just thought it was a more clever version of a bat, keeping to the shadows, hiding, surviving, a constant annoyance to poor people. In any case, The Cockroach is the greatest parody of The Batman, hands down. Because The Batman has become such a parody of himself time and time again, you just need an absolutely Batshit insane version of him. I don't do segues so Cerebus has come to Beduin to sell the Black Blossom Lotus. Just look at all the continuity Dave Sim is giving his readers! I wonder how many comic book fans would list "continuity" as their number one favorite thing about comic books? Like, are there people who would list that above great writing or terrific art? Judging by how terrible a lot of mainstream comic books are and how rabid many of the fans, I'd suspect it was a fairly high number. Maybe 65 out of 100, Bob. Change that card! The Merchant Cerebus deals with is a kook who might just have a super secret identity. It's weird to think of the Roach as being capable of actually living an independent life! I suppose he's just barely hanging onto his sanity at this point (and, of course, only during the day). But then he comes into the mystical aura of strangeness that aardvarks apparently exude out of their buttholes and he just loses it completely. He becomes less a merchant slash superhero and more a superhero slash zombie cosplayer. Also he becomes one of the greatest characters ever created! There are like four of them in the entirety of Cerebus! The exclamation point is because I think that's an incredibly high number and not because I think it's an incredibly low number. Most comic book's protagonists never quite make it to the greatest ever! Plus I'd probably give Cerebus more than four but a lot of them are just really good parodies, satires, and slightly-off representations of characters and people who already existed. The merchant buys the Black Blossom Lotus from Cerebus for 100 gold pieces and then promptly drops it out of the window and into the Feld River.

Not only does Dave Sim come up with a bunch of memorable plots across three hundred issues, he also comes up with a lot of good Dungeons & Dragons campaign ideas.

The Merchant pays Cerebus a sack of gold and gets ready for bed as Cerebus begins to leave. Before Cerebus can even exit the hallway outside the merchant's bedroom door, Cerebus begins to hear loud ranting coming from the other side. It's a lot of hissing and threats of murder. Against his better judgment, Cerebus decides to see what's happening and gets his first look at the guy who will be a huge headache to him for the next two hundred issues or so.

One thing I like about Dave Sim is how honest he is when recounting where he came up with or stole his ideas. He gives plenty of credit for the Cockroach and his hissing to Marshall Rogers and Jules Feiffer. It's admirable because a lot of people would just figure, "It might make me look less of an artist and who's going to know anyway?!"

Just a few days ago, my old elementary school friend who was blown up in Iraq and then became a comedian playing to Christians and patriots (which I mention so you'll understand how, as a wounded veteran, he'll never be criticized by his audience and he'll never really grow as a comedian) posted a Tik Tok on Facebook that was just a film of a television set capturing the "Masked Debate" bit on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. The clip only shows all the clips of news readers saying "masked debate" and none of Oliver's or the show's set-up. He then watermarked it with his Tik Tok name. Now all of those naive followers who can only seem to reply to his posts with the laugh/cry emoji probably think he wrote it. Better yet, they're probably mostly Trump followers who would never admit to finding that libjerk Oliver or his show funny. What's even better is that the Tik Tok has some quote along top that's watermarked with somebody else's Tik Tok name! So it looks like Bob doubly stole the bit. Man, I wish I'd joined the army and gotten blown up and then found Christ and developed an audience of uncritical naive yahoos who would wildly applaud everything I wrote! Why didn't I join the army?! Oh, that's right. Because I believed I had a future right out of high school. Well, I guess Bob is having the last laugh now! Cerebus follows Cockroach across the rooftops to find out what's going on. He eventually witnesses the Cockroach confront a man in an alley, accuse him of killing his parents, knock him out, and steal his gold. The gold part of the night helps Cerebus to ignore all of the other confusing stuff. The Cockroach doesn't gloat for long. He's off to find another victim! Cerebus witnesses him mug another guy whom he also accuses of killing his parents. He also admits to doing this for thirty years. So now Cerebus thinks the guy is crazy but also crazy rich. At the end of the night, the Cockroach returns home and drops the gold purses into a secret panel in the wall. He falls asleep, wakes up, and, when he sees Cerebus, acts as if Cerebus were just leaving. So Cerebus realizes that the merchant doesn't have any idea what the Cockroach is doing. Which means Cerebus is going to recover those gold purses before the Cockroach comes back! At the moment, Cerebus doesn't realize that he's going to be finding thirty years worth of gold purses in the merchant's walls. Can you imagine how boring the last two hundred and eighty-nine issues of Cerebus would have been if Cerebus managed to steal all of the Roach's gold?! I'm sure some of you are thinking, "It wouldn't have been any worse than the last hundred issues we did get!" Also, can you imagine how fat Cerebus would have gotten drinking tons of ale and eating loads of rich foods? I'm laughing so much just trying to picture it! Ha ha!

Eight feet of gold would make Cerebus fatter than a domesticated raccoon!

In the end, Cerebus only makes it away with three sacks of gold. But in the process, he manages to completely screw up the Roach/Merchant equilibrium that's lasted for thirty years. In trying to exploit the man's mental illness so that he'd help Cerebus move the gold, Cerebus drags the Roach personality into the daylight. From here on out, the Roach will simply be a pawn of others, susceptible to almost any second-rate demagogue (although most of the people who subsequently control the Roach are of the first rate variety). The Aardvark Comment section was two pages this issue and had this letter that I don't think was being sarcastic?

I guess I also wouldn't necessarily consider a chainmail bikini as "a disgusting costume." He's probably thinking about Power Girl.

Also, and I admit it might have been a joke, but Dave Sim reveals that Ronald Reagan is Cerebus' father. That, um, makes sense! Cerebus #11 Rating: A. I almost gave it a B+ for variety but then I remembered I just read the first appearance of the Roach. I also forgot that my ratings don't actually mean anything.

[nightwang96]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Nightwing (Comics) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Dick Grayson/Slade Wilson Characters: Dick Grayson, Slade Wilson Additional Tags: Blood, Biting, SladeRobin Week, Day 1: Highest Bidder Series: Part 1 of SladeRobin Weekend 2020 Summary:

Slade hasn't attended an auction in years, but apparently this year there's going to be something...special.

For the SladeRobin Weekend prompt Highest Bidder.

Slade didn’t usually go to these events. He had no real desire to mix with the kind of people they were aimed at and, frankly, he had better things to be doing with his time. He was only here now because he’d heard that there was going to be something special and, well, colour him interested. Interested enough to show up at least.

Leaning casually against the back wall, he scanned the huge room for anything or anyone that could potentially become trouble. Slade had only been to a couple of these in his time, but he was sure that this was the biggest crowd there’d been. They were crammed in like sardines, jostling and muttering excitedly. Even still, they were giving Slade a wide berth, a little pocket of space.

The only other empty space in the room was the stage. A clear delineation between the audience and the auction. Small and only slightly raised, but enough that even from his position at the back, Slade could still see it clearly.

The crowd was getting restless, the muttering now an impatient chatter that was grating on Slade’s nerves. Just as he was considering that maybe this wasn’t worth it, a woman stepped out onto the stage. All eyes were immediately on her as a hush fell over the room. Amelia Hart, the event runner, Slade recognised her from the few times he’d attended before.

She was a commanding presence, even Slade could admit that, tall and conventionally attractive with a confidence that rivalled Slade’s own. She spread her arms out to encompass the entire crowd and smiled.

“Welcome everybody!” She paused to scan the audience, her gaze catching on Slade and lingering for just a moment. “We have a treat for you tonight! I know you are all excited to see what surprise we have in store, but you will just have to wait until the end.”

She gave them a mischievous smile, dark eyes glittering and the crowd responded, swelling with anticipation.

“In the meantime we have some lovely pieces to auction off. First up this genuine Ming vase.”

Slade tuned her out. He wasn’t interested in whatever trinkets they were auctioning off. He watched the audience instead. Most of them were nobodies, new money with more cash than sense. Some though, Slade recognised. Drug kingpins and “business men” who’d gained their wealth through more...nefarious methods. Not a single honest person in the entire building.

Slade was forced to amend that statement as the last item was announced and an annoyingly familiar vigilante was dragged onto the stage.

Slade stiffened, pushing away from the wall. Nightwing had obviously been drugged, skin pale and sweaty, jaw slack but Slade could tell that he was coming around quicker than anticipated. He could see the subtle twitches of muscle under Nightwing’s scandalously tight suit as he tested the restraints.

The audience was silent for a moment before they burst into a flurry of cacophonous excitement. Amelia was playing up to it, twisting long fingers into Nightwing’s hair and pulling his head back to reveal the long expanse of his throat.

Her expression was one of smug satisfaction, almost gloating. Slade clenched his fists against the sudden surge of possessive jealousy.

“I knew this would get you all excited,” she laughed, winking at the audience. “This is your chance to find out who Nightwing really is,” she teased at the edges of his mask and, even drugged, Nightwing reacted, jerking his head back to snap his teeth against her fingers.

She snatched her hand back, her lip curling in anger briefly before suddenly remembering the audience and turning to smile widely at them.

“He’s a bit feisty, but I’m sure you’ll be able to handle him, and, well,” she stroked a hand across his tense shoulders, curled her fingers around his throat, “he’s pretty easy on the eyes.”

A ripple of laughter, some low murmurings of agreement. Nightwing’s jaw clenched.

“How about we start the bidding at a million.”

Slade’s wallet was about to take a very nasty hit. One billion to be precise. Slade knew that Harry Roswell at least would have kept bidding - had a personal grudge against Nightwing - but Slade has glowered him into submission. Dick Grayson was his and he’d be damned if he was going to let someone else get their hands on him.

They’d dragged Nightwing off stage and then Amelia had taken Slade’s arm and directed him into a back room.

“We’ve secured your purchase in the next room for you,” she met Slade’s gaze, “you are, of course, free to make use of the room if you wish. Or you can leave with him now. We can provide sedatives, for an additional price.”

“That won’t be necessary.” He stood, sweeping past her to push the door open.

“Take your time,” Amelia said as his hand closed on the doorknob. “Enjoy.”

Slade grunted in reply, stepping into the next room and closing the door behind him with a soft click. The sight that greeted him sent a rush of heat straight to his groin. Nightwing was chained spread eagled across the bed, completely naked except for his mask. His head snapped to Slade immediately, face set in a snarl.

“My, my, don’t you make a pretty picture,” Slade purred, leaning back against the door with a smirk.

“Very funny Slade,” Dick snapped. The drugs had obviously worn off. He was alert and flushed an angry red as he tugged viciously at the chains. “Get these off me!”

Slade hummed, tilting his head. “You’re not acting very grateful here Grayson. If it weren’t for me anyone could have found out your identity. Why don’t you say thank you.”

Dick scowled, gritting out a “Thank you,” that sounded rather more like a fuck you.

“We both know that I’m the lesser of two evils here. I already know your identity and I’ll let you go...eventually.”

They both knew that he was right. Slade could see it in the slump of Dick’s shoulders, the tension in his jaw. He stalked over to the head of the bed and ripped the mask off of his face none too gently.

“How’d you even get into this mess kid?”

Blue eyes blinked up at him. “It was a mistake. It won’t be happening again.”

Slade traced a finger gently across the red mark left by the mask almost absentmindedly, enjoying the uncomfortable look that flickered across Dick’s face.

“Slade,” he said, low and quiet. A warning. Not that he was in any position to be making threats. “Unchain. Me.”

Soft skin beneath his fingers, the burning, steady gaze. Slade couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this turned on. His armour was uncomfortably tight.

“I don’t think so,” he breathed out, savouring the look on Dick’s face - anger and underneath, a sort of uncertain fear. “I paid a lot of money for you pretty bird, I’m going to get something out of this.”

Dick’s eyes widened, his face twisting up and then Slade’s fingers closed around his throat, squeezing. Dick made a choked noise, his mouth opening instinctively, and Slade couldn’t help but lean down and seize that wet, pink mouth for himself.

It was like sparks across his skin. He groaned as Dick wheezed, squirming, and slipped his tongue into Dick’s mouth, licking into the heat of it. His fingers tightened convulsively and then Dick was biting down, blood spilling into both their mouths.

Slade jerked back at the sharp pain of it, releasing Dick who gasped in a desperate breath. He looked wild, chest heaving, eyes wide and blood on his lips.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Dick croaked. He twisted against the chains but whoever had secured him had known what they were doing. These weren’t some low grade handcuffs you could just slip out of, they were heavy duty manacles, locked tight around his wrists. Dick wasn’t going anywhere.

“I’m taking what’s mine.”

“I’m not yours!” Dick gasped, panicked. Blood trickled down his arm from beneath the manacle but he didn’t seem to notice. It was like watching a pinned bug, trying to flap its wings and escape, but only hurting itself further.

“For now? You are.” Slade brushed a thumb across Dick’s lips, smearing his own blood into the plush skin and Dick jerked his head away with a snarl. Undeterred Slade smoothed his hand downwards, across the flat planes of his chest, rolling a nipple between his fingers. It hardened beautifully beneath his touch. Dick hissed out an angry breath.

“I always knew you were gorgeous, but seeing you like this…” he flicked the nipple and whistled lowly.

“You’re a sick fuck,” Dick spat, “I never thought you’d stoop this low.”

Another flick, another angry hiss, like a cornered cat, or a snake before it struck. “Trust me,” Slade said, “I’ve gone much lower than this.”

If looks could kill Slade would have already been six feet under. As it was he only smiled indulgently and slid his hand lower. Dick sucked his stomach in instinctively, and Slade pressed down on it, feeling the soft give of flesh over muscle. He pressed harder until Dick made a pained noise. The sound of it went straight to Slade’s cock.

He stripped his armour off briskly, but left the clothes underneath. No longer constrained, he reached down and palmed himself, heat curling low in his gut. Dick was watching him, his face pinched, like he’d sucked on something sour. Slade’s cock throbbed.

There was a key to the chains on the desk. Slade picked it up and deftly unlocked the manacle on Dick’s left ankle. As soon as it fell away Dick kicked out, aiming for Slade’s face. But he’d been ready for it and with his other limbs still immobile Dick couldn’t get the proper leverage. He caught the ankle easily and folded his leg down until it was pressed against his chest in a position that looked uncomfortable, would probably be painful for anyone else.

It opened Dick up nicely. Slade pressed in against him, his weight trapping the leg and also forcing a startled breath from Dick. Slade rubbed his still clothed dick against him and enjoyed the brief flicker of panic that Dick wasn’t quick enough to hide.

“Get off me,” he grit out from between clenched teeth. Slade rolled his hips, wanting to get completely naked, to stretch out across Dick’s body and feel all that bare skin against his. But also enjoying the rush of power he felt, fully clothed whilst Dick lay naked beneath him, vulnerable.

Slade couldn’t help his groan, pressing his mouth against Dick’s collarbone. Dick grunted, trying to push his leg out from under him, squirming deliciously.

Despite what Slade had said, he’d never actually raped anybody before. Had never felt the need to hold someone down and force himself on them. And when he’d imagined fucking Dick it had always been consensual. He’d never expected to like this so much. Hadn’t expected the thrill at having Dick so helpless beneath him.

He reached between them, tugging his waistband down just enough to pull his cock out, hissing out a breath as cold air hit his overheated skin. He rutted forwards, his cock sliding across smooth skin and Dick jerked like he’d been struck.

“Slade please,” he said, desperation in his voice like it had only just hit him that this was really happening. Slade bit gently at his shoulder, sucking in a mouthful of flesh. He wanted to mark him up so that he’d never forget that he belonged to Slade.

More squirming, Dick’s voice louder, higher. “Please don’t do this!”

Slade shifted, pressing his hard cock against Dick’s limp one and lifted himself onto his elbows so he could look at Dick’s face.

“You beg so prettily,” he purred, thrusting down so that Dick was jolted across the sheets, the chains rattling. Dick’s face was a picture - desperation and animal fear.

Slade didn’t know what his own expression was, but Dick blinked at it and pressed his lips into a thin line, resignation and then a deep, primal anger igniting in his eyes.

“You’ll regret this,” he said, voice low and trembling. Heat prickled across Slade’s skin.

“I doubt that.”

He bent back over him and bit a deeper mark into the junction of neck and shoulder. Worried at it until Dick made a pained noise and then positioned himself against the soft heat of him.

Dick tensed, inhaling sharply. Slade pulled back enough that he could watch Dick’s face as he pushed in, see the pain and horror and disgust before Dick ground his teeth together, and squeezed his eyes shut.

It was tight. Tight and hot and so good and Slade couldn’t hold himself back from thrusting in hard, the dry friction almost painful.

Dick made a gasping, whining noise and then clenched his jaw so hard Slade was surprised he didn’t crack any teeth. Slade pulled out, pushed back in, groaned at the heat - the electric spark up his spine.

“Good,” he heard himself say, smearing the words into Dick’s skin, and was met with a breathless sob.

His hips were moving on their own, picking up speed. Heavy thrusts pushed Dick into the bed, jolting his body roughly, and Slade could feel a wet heat around his cock as something presumably tore. Dick choked out a cry and the sound spurred Slade on, urging him faster, harder.

The bed was hitting the wall with every thrust, the sharp bang accompanied by breathless noises that were being punched out of Dick. Slade was panting harshly, his own moans falling unbidden. He buried his teeth into Dick’s skin until he bled, over and over, the metal tang only heightening his pleasure. Dick was trembling beneath him, like a bird beneath a cat’s paw.

It rushed up on him, took him by surprise. He buried himself deep, held himself there as he came harder than he ever had before, his nerves singing.

Dick whined as Slade slumped down onto him, panting into his sweat slicked skin. Slade waited until the pressure around his softening cock became uncomfortable before pulling out and sitting back, surveying the mess he’d made of Dick.

He was pale and shaking, his face wet, and his eyes were still scrunched up. He was breathing heavily through clenched teeth, and he was covered in blood. It was dripping down his arms, painted across his neck and chest from the bites, smeared over the pale skin of his inner thighs. When Slade went to tuck himself away there was blood on his cock and speckled across his trousers.

Slade hummed, reaching forwards to brush his fingers over one of the deeper bite marks, still sluggishly bleeding. It was going to scar he noted with satisfaction and a warm, curling pleasure. Dick jerked at the touch, and finally looked at Slade, eyes bright against his washed out skin. Slade lifted his hand and licked Dick’s blood off of his fingers.

“Why?” Dick managed to croak out. He probably wasn’t thinking straight. Slade was a villain, and he’d never made his attraction to Dick a secret. The vigilante should have expected something like this.

Slade grabbed the leg that was still tucked up to his chest - now probably stiff and cramped in position - and tugged it straight. Dick groaned, his leg kicking reflexively but Slade pinned it to the bed.

“Why not?” He shrugged. “I want you, and this was the perfect opportunity to have you.”

Dick’s eyes were shiny as he looked away, his arms going limp in the chains. Slade bent and pressed his mouth against the soft skin of his throat, savouring the frantic flutter of his pulse. Then he pulled back and stood, moving away from the bed to pick up the key to the chains.

Dick watched him warily as the manacles dropped away, wincing as he pulled his arms and legs into a foetal position. Slade tutted and tugged an arm towards him to examine the damage to his wrists, rubbed raw and bleeding.

“You’re a mess kid,” he dropped the arm, and Dick pulled it against his chest, cradling it to him.

“Whose fault is that?” He hissed, glaring at him. Slade was glad to see that the kid still had some fight in him.

“Yeah, yeah, come on pretty bird let’s get out of here,” he stooped to pick him up bridal style and Dick gasped in surprise, shuddering at the contact and twisting away instinctively. He cried out as he fell back against the bed, squirming to get away from Slade.

“I can leave you here, if you’d like,” Slade growled, knowing that he wouldn’t. Dick was coming with him whether he liked it or not.

“I can walk!” Dick snapped, struggling into an upright position. He grimaced, panting, his hands gripping the edge of the mattress tight enough that his knuckles went white. Then he pushed himself up to standing on shaky legs.

“Where are my clothes?”

Slade shrugged, pulling his own armour back on. Dick scowled and wobbled forward a step, turning his face away too slowly to hide his wincing.

“I don’t have time for this,” Slade knocked Dick’s feet out from under him, catching the back of his legs and lifting him into his arms. Dick squawked and flailed against him. Slade could feel the sticky slick of blood where his arm was cradled under Dick’s thighs.

“Put me down!” Dick hissed, squirming angrily, but Slade was ready for him this time and clamped him tight against his chest. “Stop- stop touching me!”

As though Slade hadn’t already touched him, hadn’t claimed his body. Slade scoffed, gripping him tight enough that Dick let out a soft, pained breath.

“Settle down kid, I’ve had my fun,” he carried Dick over to the door, jostling him around so that he could pull it open. One last glance back at the blood-stained sheets sent a shiver of pleasure down his spine. And then they were out of the room.

Amelia was nowhere to be seen, but her guards were everywhere. Dick was tense and shaking in his arms, his hands covering himself, and he flushed at the weight of their gazes. Slade bared his teeth at them, his gut heating with possessiveness, but also underneath, a smug sort of satisfaction. They could all see the mess he’d made of Dick, the claim he’d bitten into his skin.

He was glad he’d brought a car and not a bike as he leveraged Dick into the passenger seat. Dick winced as his ass met the leather, shifting in a vain attempt to get comfortable. He should have put a towel down Slade mused. Blood was a bitch to get out.

The area Slade intended as a drop off wasn’t far away. He sent the coordinates to a number he knew would get picked up by the Bat. He had to time it right so that he wasn’t there when Batman showed up but also so that there wasn’t enough time for anyone else to get their hands on Dick.

He pulled Dick out of the car and pushed him down to sitting - his back against a tree - tying his hands behind the wood with rope. Dick made a protesting noise, his knees curling up against his chest. The rope had to be hurting his wrists but his expression was fierce as he glared up at Slade.

“You can’t leave me here like this.”

“Sure I can. I sent Bats a message, he’ll be along soon.”

Dick‘s face pinched, his lip curling. “I meant- I don’t want them to see me like this, I need some clothes.”

Slade smirked, reaching down to cradle Dick’s jaw in one big hand. He looked down the length of his exposed body, causing Dick to shudder and draw his legs closer to him.

“I think you’ll be just fine like this.”

Something flashed in Dick’s eyes, his expression strained.

“Please,” he said and the desperation in his voice was so similar to how he’d sounded as he’d begged Slade to stop that it sent a pulse of heat straight to Slade’s groin. He was surprised to find himself half hard in his armour. He was almost tempted to untie Dick and just take him with him, to keep him for himself, but he wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea of an angry Bat on his tail, or trying to keep a determined Nightwing for any amount of time.

“See you soon kid,” he said, enjoying the look of defeat on Dick’s face. “Who knows, maybe we’ll get another chance to have some fun.”

Dick spat at him, eyes bright with fury. Slade only laughed and bent down to press one last, lingering kiss against Dick’s lips, his hand tightening on Dick’s jaw to keep him in place.

It was hard to pull away but the pay off would be worth it. Now there would alway be a little part of Dick that was his and, more importantly, Batman would know, would see it written all over his body.

When he got back in his car the smell of sex and blood still lingered, stains streaked across the black leather. He started the car, watching Dick through the rear view mirror. He’d visibly deflated as soon as Slade was out of view, face crumpling in a moment of vulnerability that Slade knew he wasn’t supposed to be witnessing.

And then Slade got to watch as it hardened, going carefully blank just as a black figure appeared in his mirror. Batman turned to Slade’s car and caught his gaze in the reflection. He started towards him - radiating dark fury - before freezing as Dick said something, his cape sweeping out to block Dick from Slade’s view.

He’d seen enough anyway. Batman would take Dick home and fix him up and Nightwing would be back on the streets in no time at all. Slade felt a low curl of satisfaction and anticipation heat his gut. The next time he saw Nightwing, he was going to have some fun.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #458

Top Ten Family Films of Lockdown

So we stayed in the house and watched a lot of films this year.

It’s weird, because I always feel that I miss out on more films than I want, but this year obviously was crazy. The last film I saw at the cinema was Birds of Prey; I was hoping to see Tenet and Bill and Ted in the late summer, but I was working and never found time, and then everything started to go to shit again. But even at home, for some reason, I found it very hard to find the time to sit down and watch a movie on my own, despite there being more choice than ever before. Anyway, what I’m saying is it’s even harder than usual for me to try to do an accurate “best of the year” list.

But what we did do, as a family, is stay in the house and watch a lot of films together.

It’s now become a tradition, something we do every weekend; have a family movie night. And I couldn’t be more thrilled. I’ve always wanted to have something like this, and when the kids were tiny babies, I’d fantasise about how and when we’d get to enjoy a film together; about when I could introduce them to this movie or that, ones that were important to me. And sure, we’ve started to do that, but mostly we just think of things they’ll like, whether they’re new or old. And in that spirit, here are the ten best ones we’ve experienced.

I say “experienced” rather than just “the ten best films” because I’m ranking them here in terms of how the whole “family evening” went down; did I like the film, did the kids, was it new and exciting or a trip down memory lane… basically, how many boxes did it tick? Otherwise it’d just be full of my old favourites. Sometimes I was surprised by quite how much the kids took to a film I didn’t think they’d be as into; and sometimes I was disappointed that a film didn’t hold up. And it’s amusing when an older film really piques their interest. One thing I have discounted, though, is a film where we’d all been to see it at the cinema – Toy Story 4, for instance, which I enjoyed a lot more the second time around, but which felt like a cheat for this list as even the kids already knew it so well.

Anyway, this has been my main cinematic event of the year, and like the year’s supposed other big cinematic event, it sort of involves time travel in some way. Long may it continue. We’re focusing on Christmas movies from now on, but I do look forward to introducing the kids to E.T., Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, and Transformers: The Movie. Roll on 2021.

Bumblebee (2018): we’re a big Transformers family, I suppose, and this is a great film on all levels. It’s a nice, gentle story for the most part, a girl and her alien pal, full of humour and heart, but it’s also got, like, giant robots what punch each other. My kids loved it, and we loved it too, and it’s got that cool opening sequence on Cybertron that’s like my childhood come to life.

Spirited Away (2001): I was hoping we’d make our way through all the Ghibli films, except my kids ended up watching them on their own! Clearly I’ve taught them good taste. Anyway, this is obviously a masterpiece, full of deep sentiment and creepy visuals, with beautiful animation.

The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn (2011): this was a pleasant surprise. My youngest has a Snowy plush so she was into it, and having seen it before I thought my kids would like it, but didn’t realise they’d love it, properly into the adventure, laughing at Serkis’ great take on Haddock, and very invested in earnest, smart, baby-faced Tintin. Plus Spielberg directs the heck out of it. Even better than I remembered.

Addams Family Values (1993): we watched both Addams Family films over Halloween, and they proved very popular. Satisfactorily creepy, consistently amusing, but what really won them over was Christina Ricci’s Wednesday. Values is the better film, wittier and offering more for the fantastic young cast to do; the climactic Thanksgiving performance is a joy to behold.

Detective Pikachu (2019): we’re also big Pokémon people, and despite the fact I’d taken both the mini trainers to the cinema to see this one, we all enjoyed it as a family. A suitably compelling mini-noir, with some terrific world building and great effects, it’s the humour and Ryan Reynolds’ performance as Pikachu that really lifts it. Pity the ending falls apart a bit.

The Parent Trap (1998): in my experience, kids love films about kids getting one over on adults, so there's good stuff here. It's really aged well, too; Lindsey Lohan is frankly terrific in the lead role(s). It's funny and sweet and enjoyable, although I always feel a bit sad to see Natasha Richardson being so great and adorable.

Hook (1991): Empire magazine once called Hook the lemon in Spielberg’s basket, but I’ve always thought that’s unfair; overlong, oversugared, and a little bit all over the place it may be, but it’s got a lot of imagination and it can be both spectacular and fun. Plus the scene of the children going missing is quite horrible. Anyway, I quite like it, but my kids loved it, to the point where I think they’ve watched it at least three times this year.

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989): one of the first films we watched in lockdown and a great success! I was very pleased to discover it held up just as well as I thought. It’s a great old-fashioned adventure story, with the kids who don’t like each other kinda bonding as they make their way through the garden. The effects, once state-of-the-art, have dated, but it’s still as fun and funny as ever. It actually skews a tiny bit older than I’d remembered. Moranis, of course, is always a treat.

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993): I had worried this might be too old for my kids, but I was very pleasantly surprised; they sat through the more intense scenes of domestic discord and fortunately all the sex references went over their heads. Instead they got a sweet and frequently hilarious tale of a man cross-dressing to win his kids back. It has aged a tiny bit, sadly, in both its portrayal of gender and sexual norms, and in its almost movie-of-the-week depiction of divorce, but overall it remains as funny and sensitive as ever.

Lady and the Tramp (2019): this was another very pleasant surprise, one of Disney’s live-action “reimaginings” on Disney+, but one that was really genuinely very enjoyable. The dogs look great (as for the most part they’re real dogs), the performances are good, and the deviations from the original are mostly sensible and worthwhile. Also the diversity of its cast is to be applauded. Genuinely, it’s a lot better than the Lion King remake; in fact, it probably ranks quite high on the list of live-action do-overs when all’s said and done.

So there we are. Lockdown has had its ups and downs but at least we all sat round the tellybox and watched some good movies. what’s next? Well, a lot of Christmas films; I was disappointed in Noelle, to be honest, but looking forward to Jingle Jangle and Christmas Chronicles 2. And here’s to a new Heslop tradition of regular movie nights! Next year’s when I finally get them to watch a Marvel movie…

[marvelousworldgeek-blog]

Texting Strangers

Author: Kennedy

Characters: Fem!Reader and…?

Story: Y/N, who’s going through a rough patch, texts a random number in search of a friend.

Rated PG-13 for language, mention of drinking

Warnings: Reader is going through a rough patch, but I tried to keep it on the lighter side. Also, use of language.  

“Are you lonesome tonight? Do you miss me tonight? Are you sorry we drifted apart?”

The lilting voice of The King floated in through the open window as Y/N sat at her desk, staring at the blank screen in front of her. There was plenty of work to be done, sure. But what was the point now. She hated her job, her coworkers, the tiny cubicles, the sound the water cooler made every time an air bubble floated up. And here she was on a Saturday working from home to try and finish whatever dry, boring project her boss had saddled her with, knowing that Y/N was the only person who would actually get it done. Nevermind that Marc had ten years of experience on her two, or that it was actually Kayla’s department that was in charge of this particular project. Or the fact that Y/N was still technically an intern.

“Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare? Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?”

And to throw a cherry on top of this hate-my-life sundae, today marked the official six month anniversary of Jeremy moving out. Break ups were always tough, of course. But things could have certainly been easier if he hadn’t literally picked up and left in the middle of the night. It seemed as though the past year had been one big non-stop “fuck you”. Work? Terrible. Relationship? Long-dead. Family? Radio silence. Friends? Moved away. Apartment? Actually starting to feel like a cave.

Y/N glanced around the room at the stack of empty takeout boxes, the pile of paperwork, the week-old laundry. Motivating oneself to clean up seemed an immense task when the overwhelming feeling in life was ‘why bother?’

“Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?”

The sad song was just too ironic to handle at that moment. Her neighbor across the courtyard was a huge Elvis fan, and listened to old records nearly every night. For the most part it was nice to have the soft music as a background when she was home, but tonight it was a glib reminder of how lonely she actually was.

“This is bullshit,” Y/N muttered to herself and closed the laptop.

It was saturday night and she wasn’t about to stay at home and mope her way through another weekend. No sir. And so with all the energy and false confidence she could muster, Y/N grabbed an outfit out of the closet, threw on some makeup, and headed out on the town.

…

Okay, so maybe the nightclub scene wasn’t what she was after. Thirty minutes to get in, twenty waiting for a drink, then a whole lot of sitting around on garrish plush furniture waiting for someone to walk over and strike up a conversation. The closest she came was two drunk girls telling her they liked her shoes before stumbling off into the sweaty fray. And now this overpriced, watered-down drink was going straight to her bladder.

Y/N set the now empty cup on a table and headed off for the line to the bathrooms. Surprisingly, she only had to wait for two people before she got in and locked herself into a stall. The walls were as high as the ceiling and provided a satisfying amount of privacy. Behind the safety of four walls, Y/N finally had a chance to breathe. And once again the stress of the past months settled in, despite the cheap liquor pumping through her bloodstream. She leaned her head against the wall next to her and sighed, tracing the faded graffiti.

“Satisfaction guaranteed. Call now!” and a number scrawled below, along with a doodle of a stick figure with a ‘censored’ bar over its lower half. Giggling to herself, Y/N snapped a picture and tucked her phone back into her purse. With a defeated groan she clicked back out to the sinks.

“Oh my GOD, couch girl!”

The shrill voice cut through the bathroom, and Y/N (along with everyone else) turned to glance at its owner.

“Come here, come here,” the blonde girl from earlier gripped Y/N’s hand and dragged her out into the club again, “Come dance!”

And then the evening descended into a blur.

…

Y/N woke to the bright morning sun pouring through the window of her own bedroom. Her head was pounding, her feet ached, and her stomach felt sour. Last night had turned into a long, drawn out drunken dance fest with her two new friends (whose names and numbers she had never managed to get), and in the cold light of day Y/N vowed to never try and drink her woes away again.

After much groaning, she managed to shuffle to the kitchen and set the hot water on, all the while cursing her past self. Reaching into her pocket, she grabbed her phone and checked the screen. One unread text.

“Dammit,” she groaned.

Work never stops. Reluctantly, she opened the message.

“If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to drop me a line again.”

An unknown number, great. Y/N scrolled back up through the rest of the conversation. And was surprised to find several hours worth of back-and-forth with the mystery person. Somehow, in her intoxicated state, she had poured out her heart to a complete stranger, telling them all about the stress and sadness and heartache over her life. In turn, they had offered support and humor, and if she hadn’t known better she would have assumed this was a conversation between close friends.

“What the-”

Y/N recalled the number from the wall of the club bathroom. In a panic, she checked the photos on her phone. But the number didn’t match the one she had texted. At least not exactly. Somewhere during her night out she had attempted to text this mystery man but instead had hit up some poor clueless stranger and had a long drawn-out conversation over the course of the evening.

With an exasperated sigh, Y/N tossed her phone on the counter and retired to the couch in defeat.

…

“You look really tired,” Kayla’s brunette locks appeared above the edge of Y/N’s cubicle.

Y/N nodded; “It was a long weekend.”

“Did you finish the projection project?”

“I put it on his desk this morning.”

“Ah man,” Kayla sighed. “I was hoping I could hand it in to him. I have some, um, stuff I had to go over.”

“Like taking all the credit?” Y/N thought to herself.

“Oh well, I’ll get the next one. Thanks!”

Then she bounced away, heels clicking loudly against the floor.

Y/N leaned her forehead against the desk and groaned.

“Fuuuck…”

Her phone buzzed and Y/N sat up, rubbing her temple, and pressed the notification.

“Hope they aren’t giving you too much crap today.”

Y/N frowned; it was the stranger from the night before.

“I’m sorry, who is this?”

It was only a moment before they replied; “You mentioned you might say that!”

“Ha ha sounds about right. But that doesn’t answer my question.”

“A friend.”

“Okay,” Y/N whispered to herself, frowning. “Is this being cute? Or shady…”

“A friend with a name?”

“I thought you said we weren’t doing names?”

“Of course drunk me would say that,” Y/N thought.

“Okay friend. Tell me a little about yourself.”

“I’m a member of a secret organization who kept me in a lab for the first part of my life in order to mold me into a super weapon. Now I spend my free time saving the world.”

“You’re funny.”

“You don’t believe me?”

Y/N smiled to herself; “Okay ‘friend’ I’ll leave it be for now. You’re a superhero.”

“Really just a run-of-the-mill hero.”

“Mm-hm, I’ll take your word for it.”

“If you didn’t have to do your job, what would you want to be?”

The question caught Y/N off guard; she hadn’t thought about it in so long. She had been fully focused on getting through school, then getting a job that could get her out of her parents  house and on her own. She hadn’t thought about what she actually wanted to be.

“Um, idk”

“That’s not good.”

“I have a job. That’s what really matters,” she paused, then added, “Do you like your job?”

“I love it.”

“You’re lucky.”

“What do you like to do?”

Y/N sat for a few minutes and considered this.

Another text came through: “???”

Finally she typed, “I love to cook. I actually took a bunch of cooking and culinary arts classes in school. But I would hate being a chef. The hours are outrageous and it gets stuffy in the kitchen.”

“What about a food truck? You could make your own hours, drive to different places every day, you could even travel.”

Y/N actually laughed aloud to herself. She had never considered cooking for a living. She had worked as a waitress when she was in highschool and the kitchen staff were always miserable and overworked. Not to mention kind of mean. She had written off cooking for a living right then and there.

“I’d never thought of that.”

“What is your favorite thing to cook?”

“Breakfast food and baked goods, mostly.”

“That is perfect food truck food!”

“I suppose it is…”

“You should check this out,” they replied, then sent a link to an article titled ‘Considering Opening a Food Truck? Read these fifteen true stories from other chefs who did the exact same thing!’

“I’ll check it out, thanks!” Y/N name typed back, still smiling to herself.

“Hey friend, can I text you tomorrow? I have to go save some kids from a bus on fire.”

“Of course. Be safe, Superman!”

“Hm, nah. Call me ‘Batman’.”

“Okay, be safe Batman.”

“Read that article; I’ll ask you about it tomorrow!”

Y/N chuckled as she pressed save contact and typed ‘Batman’ into the name.

To be continued... 

[meandmyechoes]

A list of Ahsoka collectibles: (ramble)

Representation of each era in my collection now:

S1: plush, mcdonald toy

S3: Forces of Destiny, TVC

S7: Hot Toys, TBS, TVC, Galaxy of Adventures, plush

Rebels: None!

--------------------------

1. loungefly backpack!!

i’m not a person who spends 700 dollars on a bag they don’t have an occassion for. I don’t think I’ve ever spent that much a single article of clothing. and I regret so much passing on it because i really like that it looks well-made and attentive to details.

2. eFx replica

i think this will always stay number one but an illusive one because i don’t have funds for it. also i’m no longer bff with dave fiboni.

3. the plushes! esp. 2018 Funko

i’d looove to own all the plushes. they came out when I was away from the fandom and you can’t find them anywhere now. The modern non-exclusives are just not as cute. right now at 7, it’s still reasonable to attain a full collection. grateful my friend was into crane machine and got me the OG 2008 one. i’m willing pay $200 at most for a plush but it’s impossible unless you triple that, plus just there’s not much channels to source them. The newer one under Mando branding and Celebration is such a drop in quality their faces are just printed on so glad I found a prototype of it with an embroidered face instead. Was it trying to pay homage to the orginal? lmao

4. FoD Ahsoka

I want at least two more. one mint in box and one to repaint in clone wars style + rebody. But likewise where do you find them lol

5. koto artfx

i’ve been tallking about them for what feels like two years, anyway ever since it was first announced and now six months after its release. i’m super duper tempted everyday even just to get the Ahsoka half. I’d say half-meaningly ‘oh I will stumble upon them when we go to japan’ and i know what the chances of that are. still, not actively chasing them (actually not any on this list in ways I should) so may en find its way

6. Ahsoka transformer

XD this is a weird trinket i simply want because Ashley also has it XD

7. Rebels ahsoka hot wheels

such a cool little togrutan car~ really like the design

8. Anakin and Ahsoka van

part of hot wheels ‘greatest duo’ kind of line. saw it a long time ago on clearance at the mall regreted not getting it.

9. Rubies’ costume saber!

yeah, technically the first lightsaber toy of Ahsoka’s and just something I’ve watched on amazon from way before i’m old enough to get a credit card

10. Funko pops

attainable (except the rebels one) but more because i think it’s funny to look at how a lineup of Ahsokas all have a different shade of blue or orange. waiting forever for the Jumpsuit one to go on sale, because we don’t get any merch with her :(

11. LEGO

I’m satisfied enough with KO figures. Will buy them eventually. Recently saw on IG you can make pixel art with the Batman set and i’m tempted! Officially the Maul throne room set is worth considering too and I love the Brickhead box art

12. Her Universe

oooh i have so many HU grails but i don’t feel as compelled by the new clothes. I’d loooove the Ahsoka Leaves shirt, and other collabs with Fiboni like Plo and Ahsoka and Ahsoka on Malachor. The original Padawan hoodie is a nostalgia goal for me too. But I wouldn’t have my hopes about getting one because it’s been more than ten years. I can hope TCW’s 15th Anniversay would have something for me?

13. Little Golden Book

most likely to initiate because i have a coupon. The art is okay with plot holes but i want to support Ashley.

14. Sixth-scale figures

so Sideshow’s is a firm NO. Otherwise, I’m enthralled by customizing a concept art’ka with large head and alien eyes. should get another 2005 Shaak Ti to turn into Adult ahsoka as she should be.

15. tsum tsum

i'm not enthralled by them but honestly its a crime there's no ahsoka tsum tsum

16. MUG

remember that ugly giant-head coca mug of S7'ka under Mando branding? lol I found a factory listing for it so it's totally possible. I have a soft spot for "ugly Ahsoka" merch and would love to get it with official packaging if possible.

17. Disney Toybox

mm… they just don't speak to me, and i have many S7'ka figures already

18. Comics

ywah there was a Lucasfilm 50th cover with her and Anakin and a coming Choose Your Destiny one. Probably should get them

[theartificialdane]

Galactica, chapter 249

Deck the hall with boughs of holly, fa la la la la, la la, la la. The Puerto Ricon sun is shining, and christmas is celebrated in the land of Galactica!

Thank you to everyone who has been patient in the wait for this chapter, and thank you to @samrull @toriibelledarling and @veronicasanders for their help, creative minds and their writing skills <3!

“I don’t think I can do this.”

Fame held onto Patrick’s arm. The comfort of Jinkx’s family jet, that would normally calm her right down, was offset by her fear of flying in such a small aircraft, and with all the people in here? What exactly kept them from falling out of the sky. Patrick squeezed her hand, and Fame took a deep breath, trying to center herself like she had learned in her hypnosis class. She had to admit though, it was nice to be sitting in such a big, plush seat. Hopefully the sedative would kick in soon.

“Of course you can.” Patrick gently titled Fame’s head, giving her a kiss. “Everything will be fine.”

***

Courtney chattered excitedly with Adore, getting all the latest gossip about her band and the stunning goddess they’d found to play bass, when Bianca tried to catch her attention from the other side of the plane. “Hey, baby! We’re about to take off… You wanna come sit over here?” Bianca flashed her dimples, gesturing to the spot beside her.

“Uhh, thanks, I’m good,” Courtney said, kissing the top of Kylie’s head and turning back to Adore, who raised an eyebrow.

“Damn, B, what’d you do now?” Adore teased.

“Fuck off, Adore.”

“Now now, be nice, sis.” Adore flashed a cheeky grin.

***

“Baaaaaaaaabe, come ooon.” Pearl smiled as she leaned over the table. “Let me taste!”

“No! Katya is helping me make these for your mom.” Laila laughed, fighting Pearl off as she tried to get her hands on the small fruity cakes.

“Just a bite! I’ll do whatever you want.” Laila suddenly got a flash of Pearl in bed, her girlfriend panting above her as she rode the dildo that had become their favorite, the thick black silicone so familiar to Laila.

“Okay okay, you can have some.” Laila smiled and held out a small piece of vzvar, Pearl taking a bite and moaning in pleasure.

“Mmh.. Thanks babe.”

“You’re welcome, now get out.” Laila pushed Pearl. “I have to work.”

“Thank fuck. You guys are nauseatingly sweet.” They both turned to see Trixie standing at the kitchen counter, chopping potatoes for Ivan’s dinner. Laila blushed, her entire face going red as she realized Trixie had been there the whole time.

***

“So...Alaska…” Fame attempted to change the subject, turning to the slender blonde. “I’m so glad we get to spend this time together outside of the office.”

“Yeah,” Alaska agreed. “It’s gonna be...awesome.”

Fame cleared her throat, trying to think of something to say to her. “How...um...how are the spring palettes coming along?”

“Hey Alaska, I bet this is exactly what you were hoping for your vacation, eh?” Bianca taunted, pinching Fame’s thigh. “Just chatting about work with your boss?”

Alaska giggled, nervously sipping her champagne.

“Oh, stop it! I was just saying that she’s doing a great job! You’re such a beast!” Fame swatted Bianca’s hand away, getting into a play fight with her, Bianca happy that she could distract her friend from the horror of flying, Patrick giving Bianca a gentle smile as Alaska slipped away.

***

“These vegan spring rolls are delicious!” Courtney smiled at the flight attendant as she finished her lunch, before she turned to Jinkx, bouncing in her seat excitedly. “Omigod Jinky, guess what?! You know that theatre agent you set me up with? Well, he got me a meeting with that producer friend of yours, Sharon-”

Adore’s eyes got huge and she squeezed Courtney’s arm, whispering, “/Abort, abort!/”

Courtney gave her a confused look, asking, “Huh?” and then turning back to Jinkx, who had a terrified smile plastered across her face. “You know, the one producing Cabaret? Anyway, I met with her last week to talk about playing Sally and she’s so funny, and I think we totally hit it off. She’s a little worried about my accent, which is hilarious because most Americans can’t even tell the difference, and--WHAT?!” She glared at Adore, who was giving her frantic eyes and shaking her head violently, interrupting her amazing news for some reason.

“Alaska,” Fame said, tilting her head, looking at the blonde who was finishing her lunch. “Didn’t you and Sharon used to date? I’m sure I’ve heard about it somewhere.” Fame smiled, happy to have a topic she could discuss with Alaska that wasn’t about work.

Adore’s grip on Courtney’s arm tightened like a vice. “OW! Stop it!”

“Uh, yes, we did.” Alaska cleared her throat and polished off the rest of her champagne.

There was a long moment of silence.

“So…” Bianca began, attempting to break the tension, “Patrick...fuck any cute assistants lately?”

***

“Are you sure the gift for your mother is good enough?”

“I’m absolutely sure.” Sutan smiled as Violet looked at the silk scarf she had wrapped up for Christmas one last time, before finally putting it in the car. Sutan had come to get her at her apartment, her boyfriend driving the batman car Raja gifted to him for his birthday. “She loves scarves, and as you know, Muslim christmas is all about the gifts.”

Violet laughed. It was kind of weird to her that Sutan’s family celebrated christmas, but she wasn’t saying no to a few days on Long Island in Sutan’s mom’s cosy little yellow house.

Frida yipped, and Sutan picked her up, the chubby little dog that could no longer be described as a puppy wagging her tail as she was zipped into her doggy seat in the back.

***

Jane sipped on an iced coffee, watching some footage in the cramped Post Production offices, when her field producer, Jeremy, walked up behind her, holding a flash drive, a sly grin on his face. “Check out this sequence I just cut together,” he said.

Jane took the drive and popped it into her system, playing out the reel. It was a sequence over the course of three holiday parties, focused on Bianca Del Rio and her famous predilection for pretty blondes. She was flirting with models, business associates, laughing and flashing her killer dimples. Intercut was Courtney glaring on, looking more and more murderous in each shot, ending with a shot of her literally dragging Bianca away from a pretty young thing and throwing her against a wall. Jane burst out laughing. “This is amazing, remember when we thought she’d be the boring one this season?”

Jeremy nodded. “Yeah, and it gets better. So we found this girl…” he threw some tabloid pictures down of Bianca and a cute blonde making out in a club. “They seem to have had a thing during London fashion week, last year. She’s a singer, got a record deal remarkably soon after this little affair. Sound familiar? She’s also younger than Courtney, so that’s gotta hurt.”

“You’re /so/ evil,” Jane said. “So, what, you’re sending her to Puerto Rico?”

“Exactly. We’re there anyway to film Courtney’s concert. Might as well add some drama!”

Jane winked. “Good job, man. We may have to give you a raise.”

***

“Oh /man/,” Adore collapsed onto the bed, exhausted. “That was a long fucking day, trapped in a steel tube with those motherfuckers, and one of my presents got squashed! It sucks.”

“Tell me about it…” Alaska grumbled, rolling her eyes. “And I told you not to bring anything soft.”

“It’s not soft. It’s delicate.”

“That’s literally the same word.”

Jinkx sighed, halfway through removing her shoes, one heel in her hand, both Alaska and Adore looking at her. “I’m sorry about everything on the plane-”“

“I know,” Alaska replied tersely.

“I thought inviting that agent to Courtney’s concert was a nice thing, you know? I didn’t realize it was gonna mean Sharon—“

“I get it, Jinkx.”

“Well, I’m sorry. That’s all.”

“Fine.”

Adore groaned loudly, one arm covering her eyes. Both Jinkx and Alaska looked at her. “Can you guys, like, please just…not do this anymore? At least for the time we’re here? Because it’s really starting to take its toll on my fragile emotional state.”

Jinkx looked up at Alaska, whose face was suddenly filled with guilt. In the next instant, both of them were on the bed, tackling Adore and covering her with kisses.

She shrieked and giggled, lapping up the attention. “See, this is more like it…” she purred happily.

***

Courtney sank down into the warm water of the hot tub, the day’s tension melting away as the jets pounded against her sore muscles. She took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh air, admiring the beauty of the Caribbean sunset.

“Room for me?” Bianca asked, standing above her with two cocktails in her hands.

Courtney nodded, and Bianca slipped in beside her, handing her one of the drinks, kissing her lightly on the cheek.

“So...what do you think?”

Courtney leaned against her shoulder. “It’s even more beautiful than you described.”

Bianca smiled, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“Bianca, seriously! Did you have to put me next to Adore and her...whatever you wanna call that situation?” Eddy, Bianca’s brother, opened the sliding glass doors, holding his fiancée’s hand, making Courtney jump slightly.

Bianca looked up at her brother quizzically. “What exactly is your problem?” she asked. “Hi, Rose. How was your flight?”

“Great!” Rose exclaimed. She settled down at the edge of the hot tub, lifting up her skirt and dangling her feet in the water. “And I have no idea what he’s complaining about.”

“I’m complaining because I really don’t want to have to listen to my baby sister engaging in sexual deviancy on Jesus’s birthday.”

Eddy stood at the bar, pouring drinks for them, complaining loudly, when Fame and Patrick wandered outside as well. Courtney groaned, already annoyed with the lack of privacy, but it seemed like that was a big part of an American Christmas.

“If it helps, Eddy, most historians think that Jesus was actually born in the Spring. We just celebrate in December because of the Winter Solstice,” Courtney said.

“Are we really talking about Jesus?” Patrick wondered, settling into a lounge chair with a beer.

Rose giggled. “Eddy hasn’t been to church in 20 years. He’s just being a pain in the ass.”

“Sorry if I don’t think listening to Adore get double-teamed sounds like a relaxing vacation,” Eddy said.

“Gross, dude,” Bianca laughed, nuzzling into Courtney’s shoulder.

“Exactly!”

“Miss Bianca? Dinner will be ready in 5 minutes,” said Maria, the villa’s chef.

“Thanks!” Bianca called, rising from the water and wrapping a long flowing cover-up around her bathing suit. Fame snickered softly. “What, bitch?”

“No, nothing! It’s cute.”

“You got something to say, blondie?” Bianca walked over to Fame and poked her playfully with her foot.

“No! I just...I can never get used to seeing you in resort wear. It’s so...casual.”

“Oh, go fuck yourself!” Bianca bent down and began tickling her and she shrieked happily, slapping Bianca’s hands away.

Courtney clenched her fists under the water and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the cool tile.

***

“You see this one next.”

Violet gasped in delight as Sutan’s mom handed him a photo. “Oh my god!” Violet grabbed it, holding it into the light so she could see it properly. “Is that pink hair?”

Mani nodded, a smile on her face as well. Violet and Mani were sitting in the livingroom, Violet surrounded by photos of the twins, their mom having kept every tiny magazine mention they had ever gotten, and printed every photo they ever sent her. Frida was on the floor napping, snow falling outside the window. Violet and Sutan had gone up early, opting to spend the night at Mani’s so they could help her prepare for the christmas feast, and help her get everything she needed in order, though Sutan would never tell his mom directly that he was worried about her in her elderly years.

“Anada sometime silly boy, he think he was cool.”

Violet laughed, Sutan looked perfect in all of his awkward glory, his hair practically in a buzzcut and bright pink, Raja in the background of the party photo drinking beer.

“Can I take a picture of this?” Violet was already looking for her phone.

“You think that is best photo? Wait until you see high school times.” Violet’s eyes widened as Mani took yet another box.

“There’s more?”

“Anada look very cute in leopad pint.”

In that moment the door to the kitchen opened, Sutan walking in with a tray of tea and sweets that they had picked up on the way.

“... What are you guys doing? Is that my fucking high school yearbook? Mom!”

Mani and Violet both burst into laughter, Violet nearly doubling over as Sutan desperately tried to gather the pictures and speaking in rapid Indonesian.

***

“What the fuckin’ FUCK are you doing here?!” asked a delighted voice with a British accent.

Bianca spun around, and was suddenly greeted by an adorable young blonde, with perfect winged eyeliner and an angelic pixie-like face. Her mouth was open in surprise. She threw her arms around Bianca’s neck in drunken glee while the others looked on.

“Oh my GOD, it’s been ages! What a fuckin’ crazy-ass coincidence, eh?!” She pressed a kiss against the corner of Bianca’s mouth, giggling, then looked at Courtney, who was standing there as if she was trying to decide whether to throw up or stab her in the throat. “So this is the one who’s making an honest woman of you, huh Bianca?! Hi, I’m Zee. I had a sordid fling with your girlfriend back in her ‘I don’t do long term relationships’ days.” Zee threw back her head and laughed.

Courtney cleared her throat, wondering why Bianca wasn’t detangling herself from this pretty young thing, but determined to stay composed, especially in front of the Housewives cameras. “Hi, I’m Courtney…”

“It wasn’t that sordid...” Bianca said weakly, trying to keep things light.

“Whatever you say,” Zee winked, then exclaimed, “Omigod, Bianca! Remember that DJ at Egg? The crazy motherfucker with the gages?” She hugged her tighter around the waist, resting a chin on her shoulder.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Bianca flashed Courtney an apologetic look. The thing about Zee was, she was totally harmless, and tipsy, and having a good time. Sure, she might be crossing a line, but Bianca wasn’t about to be a dickhead to the girl. They’d ended on good terms.

Adore and Alaska stepped closer, clearly worried that something was about to go down. Alaska’s eyes drifted to Courtney’s hands, which were clenched into tight fists.

“I did what you said and slipped her my demos and she’s totally playing them all the time now! You’re a fuckin’ genius.” Zee stood on her tiptoes to kiss her again, and Bianca turned her face, making sure that the kiss landed on her cheek and not her mouth. Zee fluttered her lashes. “You’re such a tease…”

Adore finally couldn’t take it anymore. With an approving nod from Alaska, she stepped forward. “Zee, right? Hi, I’m Bianca’s sister. I /love/ your eye makeup.”

“Omigod, thanks!”

“You’re welcome! Can I buy you a drink?”

“Suuuuure!” Zee released the grip on Bianca’s waist and took Adore’s outstretched hand, following her to the bar. “Bianca, why didn’t you tell me you had such a hot sister?!” she called over her shoulder.

Bianca looked at Courtney, reaching for her hand. “Wanna dance, baby?” she asked softly.

“Not really, no.”

Fame and Jinkx wandered back over to the group with Rose, laughing.

Alaska grabbed Courtney’s arm and pulled her over to Jinkx, hoping to avoid any more tension. “Hey Court! Come tell us about your show! Maybe Jinkxy can help you rehearse tomorrow!”

***

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“It’s not a good idea. It’s a great idea!” Pearl smiled and wrapped her scarf around Laila, pulling the other woman in for a kiss. Laila wanted to be annoyed and maybe even upset, but she couldn’t when Pearl was kissing her, the other's lips so soft. Pearl pulled away and took another sweater which she carelessly threw into her bag, even though Laila knew it had most likely cost more than Turbo’s last vet visit.

“Don’t worry cutie. My mom is going to love you.”

“If you say so.”

“I don’t say so. I know so, also you’re bringing her the most bitchin Christmas present!”

“I am?”

“Yup.” Pearl laughed and held up a small black box. “A Cartier nouvelle vintage bracelet that’s a complete replica of the one she wore to her college graduation.” Pearl opened the box, and Laila recognised diamonds immediately.

“Pearl, I- I can’t afford that. Why would you get that from me? What about you?”

“I’m giving her a hand painted worlds best mum mug, from that pottery class I did with Max.” Laila couldn’t help but smile. Pearl had always been horrible with gifts, her girlfriend generous to the extreme in her daily life, but she sucked horribly at presents. Pearl shut the box, a smile on her face. “You’re my favorite ladies. I want you to get along, and as they say. Diamonds are a girl's best friend.”

***

Courtney threw open the doors of the balcony and stepped outside, tilting her face to watch the first rays of sunlight peak over the horizon. She breathed in, feeling her nerves settle as the warmth of the sun crept into the purple sky. She lifted her dress up over her head and tossed it down on the lounge chair, letting the fresh air caress her body.

Arms slid around her waist, and she jumped slightly, then relaxed as Bianca’s lips found the back of her neck.

“Baby, please don’t be mad at me…” Bianca murmured into her skin, pressing against her from behind. “I can’t bear it.”

“B…” It wasn’t exactly that she was angry. She didn’t think that Bianca had done anything wrong, really. It was more that this was, again, a reminder of the constant doubt that plagued her. That girl had been vibrant and funny and beautiful, and the chemistry between them was real, and so...Courtney closed her eyes, turning around in Bianca’s arms, knowing that this same discussion would only exhaust her, only make her irritated. “I’m not mad.”

Bianca smiled, dimples deep in her cheeks. “Good. You know, it’s officially Christmas Eve now. How about I show my angel how thrilled I am to have her here?”

Courtney swallowed, could feel herself breaking apart. When would she stop feeling this way? Would she ever stop feeling this way? Like she was only here by luck, some ordinary girl who Bianca had chosen for an inexplicable reason and everything in her life was on borrowed time while she waited for the other shoe to drop. Because if one thing was clear to Courtney after tonight, it was how utterly, utterly replaceable she was.

Cupping her chin, Bianca brushed their lips together softly, whispering, “I love you, so fucking much…” She took both of her hands and pulled her into the room, leaving the doors open so that the gauzy curtains blew in the breeze, laying her gently down on the bed.

Bianca quickly shed the rest of her clothes, tossing them to the floor, sitting down on the bed and leaning back on her elbows, turning her head to look at Courtney with that seductive grin that never failed to make Courtney’s pulse quicken, especially when her eyes swept up and down the blonde’s body. Courtney took Bianca’s face in her hands, pushing her backwards, straddling her on all fours.

Bianca slid her hands up Courtney’s thighs, gently cupping her ass. Her mouth found a stiff nipple and she swirled her tongue around and around. Courtney shivered with desire as Bianca’s tongue continued to lick and toy with her nipple. A hand slid up to play with her other breast and Courtney arched into it, soft sighs and little whimpers escaping her mouth.

Bianca rubbed her knuckles gently around her entrance, already so wet, and then withdrew her hand, causing a pitiful moan. Courtney pressed their bodies together, grinding against her desperately.

Chucking gently, Bianca pushed her hips away, holding them apart. She moved her mouth to her second breast and sucked hard on her nipple. Courtney let out a whine as sparks raced through her body and caused her to thrust into the air, the swollen feeling in her abdomen growing.

“Oh god, Bianca, PLEASE!” She moaned as Bianca tossed her onto her back and used her knees to hold her thighs down. She bent down and kissed her, long and soft and deep, letting her hands wander over her body with a feather-light touch, her skin hot and flushed. She grinned as Courtney moaned again in tearful frustration.

“I love you…” Bianca whispered, kissing a trail down her jaw, rubbing her clit harder. “I love you,” Bianca repeated, mouth moving down her collarbone, hands sliding over her trembling skin. “I love you…” she added, lips pressed against Courtney’s belly, tight with tension so intense she felt it might burst open.

Courtney nodded, panting, as Bianca’s mouth finally found her swollen clit, tongue swirling around and around. Courtney gripped her hair like a vice, crying out in relief as she started to come. “Oh /GOD/…”

Bianca sucked on her, stroking her quivering thighs until her fingers loosened and her body went slack. Then she gathered her up into an embrace, kissing her temples, holding her close, murmuring, “Do you know how much I love you, angel?”

Curling tightly against her warm body, Courtney sighed contently. “Mmmhmm…”

Bianca held her tighter. “You’re the best Christmas present I’ve ever had, baby.”

***

“What a good boy Ivan, you’re such a good boy!” Trixie smiled brightly as he fed his son, little Ivan’s hair sticking up in all directions as he munched on a christmas morning feast of a bowl of fruit, his brand new Baymax shirt already filled with stains, but Ivan was giggly and happy. He and Katya had woken up at the crack of dawn, properly more excited than Ivan himself when they led him into the living room, the lights on the tree bright as they unpacked their presents, Ivan loving every single thing Katya had gotten him from the grocery store. Trixie picked Ivan up and took him to the sink, quickly rinsing off the little boy, as he was already falling asleep in his arms.

“Trixie?”

Trixie didn’t look up, too focused on making sure at least some of the food came out of the shirt.

“Trixie. Trix! I’m talking to you.”

Trixie looked up, and he almost dropped his jaw at the sight of his wife. Katya was wearing the exact outfit from the final scene of Grease, even her hair done in the perfect style. Katya had introduced him to the movie, and in a drunken state a few months ago, Trixie had confessed that he never seen anything sexier than that very outfit.

“Katya.. What are you?”

“Why don’t you tell me about it in the bedroom, stud?”

***

“Good moooorning, my loves, Merry Christmas!” Adore sang softly, climbing on top of her girlfriends, wearing a Santa hat and nothing else.

Alaska opened her eyes, a lazy grin on her face. “Morning…”

Jinkx whimpered a little. “I’m Jewish, can I sleep five more minutes?”

Giggling, Adore snuggled against her and kissed her cheek. “What if I tempt you with cocoa and marzipan coconut pastries?”

Jinkx sat up, red curls spilling down her back. “I’m up.”

Adore giggled and picked up a pastry from the tray, shoving it into her mouth. Alaska reached over and trailed a hand down Adore’s bare torso. “Cute outfit, li’l bear. Very festive.”

“Thank you,” Adore said, batting her lashes.

Alaska stretched, arching her back and continuing to dance her fingers teasingly over Adore’s soft skin. Adore leaned down and kissed her, hands tangling in her hair, pressing their bodies together. Jinkx pushed Adore’s hair off of her shoulder and bit down gently, wrapping an arm around her waist, the other one snaking down her belly.

Alaska’s hands were on Adore’s breasts, toying with her nipples as the younger girl began to pump her hips, rubbing against her vigorously, lips parted, whimpering. Alaska smirked at Jinkx conspiratorially, the redhead grinning back at her and scooting closer.

Jinkx slung a leg over both of them, continuing to wriggle her fingers between their thrusting hips, two fingers sliding easily inside Adore’s hot, wet pussy as a thumb rubbed her clit in circles.

Alaska buried her face in Adore’s neck, clutching her ass and grinding hard against the back of Jinkx’s hand. Jinkx sucked a bruise into Alaska’s pulse point, fingers moving subtly, patiently, her free hand trailing down the back of Adore’s milky thighs, then back up to her hair.

Adore whimpered, hips picking up speed. Alaska’s fingers moved back to her breasts, pinching her nipples. Adore’s eyes rolled back and she moaned, digging her fingers into Alaska’s shoulders. She turned her head to the side, capturing Jinkx’s mouth in a deep kiss, tongues struggling for dominance as she began to come, moaning into the redhead’s mouth, thighs squeezing Alaska’s hips tightly.

Jinkx withdrew her hand, pushing Adore onto her back, crawling down her body to lick her clean, sucking on her clit, holding down her thighs as she writhed and moaned. Alaska giggled, turning to her side and nibbling on her collarbone, fingers drifting over her slick, sweaty skin while she kissed her over and over. “Our pretty baby…” she murmured.

Adore moaned again, arching up against Jinkx’s mouth. “/Fuck!/”

The three girls suddenly jumped at several loud /BANGS/ on the wall. “HEY! CAN YOU PLEASE KNOCK IT OFF IN THERE!” yelled an irritated voice. “Some of us are trying to think about the baby Jesus!”

Adore raised herself up on her elbows, chest heaving, eyes narrowed. “SUCK MY DICK, EDDY!” she yelled back, then looked at the other girls and collapsed back on the bed in a fit of giggles, arms outstretched languidly. “Merry Christmas, babies…”

They grinned, snuggling in beside her and covering her face and neck with sweet kisses.

***

“Raj, move you legs!”

“Yes mom.”

Raja rolled her eyes, and Raven laughed as she snuggled into the side of her soon to be wife. They were all in the livingroom, gift wrapping all around them as they ate breakfast, little Frida napping on the floor, Violet completely absorbed in the books Sutan had given her, while Sutan was trying to teach Mani how to use the new food processor the twins had given her for christmas.

Raven couldn’t believe the wedding was only a few days away. In just a few days she would be Raven Amrull, and she couldn’t imagine a better Christmas presents... Except the new diamonds Raja gave her, and the fur coat, and the trip to Hawaii and also the most adorable Jimmy Choo’s, but Raven didn’t care about the material stuff in life. Not really, not when she had her Raja,

“What are you thinking about my angel?”

“That I’m the luckiest girl on earth.”

Raven smiled and turned her head, looking up at Raja and fluttering her lashes for good measure. Raja laughed and leaned down, their lips meeting in a tender kiss, and Raven sighed, happiness washing over her.

***

The gang piled into the limo, sighing. They’d just attended Courtney’s concert on their last full day in Puerto Rico, followed by an afterparty, and were all exhausted, none more than the pop princess herself, who stretched out with her feet in Adore’s lap and her head in Bianca’s, looking like she might pass out.

“Did I do good?” she asked sleepily, as Bianca kissed her fingers.

“So good,” Bianca answered.

“Incredible!” Adore agreed.

“That venue was HUGE!” Rose said. “I’d have died.”

“I sort of died a little when I saw it,” Courtney laughed.

“I’m dating myself here, but I was so jealous that you got to do a duet with Ricky Martin,” said Jinkx. “It was amazing.”

“I know, right?! I’m so lucky he was available. I think we might do a collab on my next album.”

“Really?” Bianca asked.

“Yeah. Latrice is working on it. Fingers crossed. We talked about doing a video where we’re both in drag. How cool would that be?” she giggled.

“That is so hot,” said Adore.

Bianca cleared her throat slightly, realizing that this might be an easy way for her to bring up a collaboration with Farrah. She’d been trying to put that obnoxious meeting with the girl and her mother out of her mind, but the truth was, they did have some pretty disturbing leverage on her. “Have you ever considered doing other collaborations?”

“Yeah, definitely. Latrice is talking to Ciara’s people too, and so we’ll see.”

“What about like, someone more in your wheelhouse? I mean, that kid I was talking to at the Galactica party, Farrah? She’s apparently obsessed with you. Her momager called me and practically begged me to set a meeting. I told them to call Latrice--”

“Yeah, why would they be calling you?”

Bianca shrugged. “I have no idea.”

“And she’s not even a singer. She’s a sitcom actress.”

“Emmy winning sitcom actress.”

Courtney paused, grinding her teeth slightly. “How about we play a game called ‘Let’s not talk about the teenagers who flirt with you at parties’? Hmmm? Rules are really simple!” Her eyes flashed darkly.

“Uhh...yeah, sure. You look really hot in red, by the way.” Bianca tugged at her top. “So let’s talk about that.”

Courtney’s lips twisted into a smirk. “See, you’re already winning,” she said, pulling Bianca down for a kiss.

***

“It was a hate crime.”

“It’s a perfectly acceptable gift.”

“Don’t defend her!”

“She’s my mom Betty.”

“And that just makes it so much worse!” Betty kicked her shoes off and threw her handbag on the kitchen counter as they were finally finally finally back from christmas with Shane’s family. “She knew exactly what she was doing, and even worse, she made me wear it!” Betty pointed to herself, the bright green fuzzy sweater with a big orange B making her look like an escaped muppet.

“I think mine is cool.”

“Of course you do.” Betty rolled her eyes as Shane pulled at his purple sweater, a yellow S on it nearly burning her eyes. Betty sighed. “Can’t we just drink leftover wine and dessert and celebrate that we survived another year?”

Shane smiled brightly, pulling Betty into a kiss. “A true Christmas miracle.”

***

Flipping on the kitchen light, Courtney jumped slightly at the sight of Patrick at the table, sipping a whiskey, partially obscured by a pile of Christmas presents. “Jesus!”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Patrick said.

“No, it’s okay. I just didn’t expect anyone else to be up at 4 am. Plus you’re sitting in the dark.”

“Yeah, well…” he shrugged. “Sometimes you just need a minute, you know?”

“I’m sorry to bother you.” She bit her lip and turned around.

“Wait-”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to go. Grab a drink. Take a load off.” Patrick gestured to the empty chair.

Courtney nodded, taking a coconut water from the fridge and walking over to the table. “Uh, sorry I’m not wearing bottoms,” she apologized awkwardly.

“Could be worse,” he said. “At least I am.”

She chuckled and then sat down with a deep sigh.

“So. Trouble sleeping?” Patrick asked.

“Something like that,” she said softly.

“You know…” he began, then paused.

“Yes?”

“I...don’t want to overstep.”

“Go ahead. It’ll be refreshing to hear a new opinion for a change,” Courtney said.

“Bianca is really happy with you.”

Courtney looked at him, fingers nervously peeling the label off the coconut water.

“Look, maybe I have the wrong idea, but it seems like there’s...like you don’t totally feel secure with her. And so I just want to tell you...it’s not an accident. She chose you on purpose. You’re giving her something that no one else ever has. Including my wife.”

Courtney bit her lip, looking slightly ashamed.

Patrick raised his eyebrows. “I’ve seen the way you watch them. I don’t blame you. It’s unsettling, especially if you don’t know the history. If you weren’t there when it happened.”

“What history?”

“Well...let’s just say that Fame didn’t have the perspective that she has now. I was across the country, but even I could see that she was starting to have feelings for Bianca, that this alleged ‘friends with benefits’ thing was turning into more for her. And so Bianca ended it. Which is the only reason they’re still friends. Otherwise it would have ended in disaster.”

“Oh.”

“But you know, I can’t tell you how to feel. I can only tell you what I know, and what I see. And that’s that you make my friend really fucking happy. So...cheers.” He held up his nearly empty glass, toasting Courtney’s bottle of coconut water.

“Thanks, Patrick. You know, I don’t care what Bianca and Raja said during your fight with Fame. You’re not a robotic number-crunching cheater.”

Patrick threw back his head and laughed. “Thanks. And you’re not an empty-headed gold digging sex doll.”

Courtney giggled. “Cheers. To a safe flight back for the wedding of the century.”

“Oh god, yes. Get ready for The Raven Show.” Patrick laughed, toasting her.

“I’m actually super excited. Is that weird? I mean say what you will about Raven, but she knows how to throw a party. I think it should be a lot of fun.”

Patrick raised an eyebrow. “I admire your optimism.”

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #369

Top Ten Favourite Things About Teen Titans Go!

One of the funny things about life is observing elements of circularity. For instance, nearly twenty years ago, my younger brother really got into the original Teen Titans cartoon, and I sort of got into it with him (having a brother ten years younger than yourself is very good for keeping your oar in with kids’ content when you’re supposed to be too old for that sort of thing; as a result, I got to thoroughly enjoy Justice League, Samurai Jack, Harry Potter and lots more stuff that may have otherwise passed me by). I knew who the Titans were but hadn’t read a lot of their comics; the cartoon was my introduction to most of those characters. It was really good, benefited from a tremendous theme tune, and – for its time – quietly revolutionary in how it incorporated anime aesthetics into a western cartoon. Plus it had a cracking voice cast, which – not that I knew it at the time – would become as synonymous with those characters as Peter Cullen, Frank Welker, and Kevin Conroy had done with cartoons I’d watched as a child.

(that’s Optimus, Megatron, and Batman, in case you’re wondering)

Anyway, here we are, eighteen-or-so years later, and Teen Titans is just a beloved long-gone cult classic but bizarre comedic spin-off Teen Titans Go! is a minor phenomenon. The same characters, the same actors, but wilder, weirder, funnier, crazier, way more violent, and – bizarrely – far more integrated into the wider DC Universe. And my kids – especially my eldest daughter – bloody love the show. It is huge in our house. We’ve seen the film, we listen to the songs, they draw their own comics, they roleplay the characters; we have a home-made Raven costume, for god’s sake. I have a six-year-old who knows who Tara Strong is. This is incredible.

As a result, I’ve seen an awful lot (not quite every episode) of Teen Titans Go!. It’s fortunate, then, that it’s fantastic, easily one of the best comic-book cartoon adaptations ever made. It’s not just how funny it is; it’s madcap and self-referential and full of many (many) MANY DC comics references. And great, great songs. And – like I said before – tremendous performances. Teen Titans Go! To the Movies is a great, great movie with great, great songs and many great, great gags, and it’s a mixed blessing that it ended up being released in what may well be Annus Mirabilis for superhero movies: it’s great that it’s mixing it up with Infinity War, Black Panther, and Spider-Verse, but I feel it got overshadowed a bit. Say what you will for the slightly more “serious” original Teen Titans series, but it was the barmy chibi-inspired stepchild that got a movie.

So this week, I’m celebrating what has become my second-favourite superhero cartoon of all time (after Batman: The Animated Series, natch). My ten favourite things about Teen Titans Go!. Enjoy!

The Songs: I tried to pick a song, or some reference or line or scene, but really it’s impossible. The songs are sublime. So great, in fact, that I’ll probably do another Top Ten at some point listing my favourite TTG songs. Really catchy, great lyrics, supremely diverse, and full of references not just to DC but to, well, everything. There’s a song about America that includes the line “Samuel L. Jackson on the stamp”, which makes no sense as far as I can figure, but is just wonderful.

Deep, Deep (DEEP) Cut DC References: it started with the Darkseid doll. A little plush Darkseid doll that’s always leaning against the couch. How cute, how funny; Darkseid, the literal embodiment of evil, but as an adorable snuggly. And then it got deeper, and weirder, and more wild. B’wana Beast. Alternate universe Robins. “That movie where their moms are both called Martha”. The Haunted Tank. The Haunted Tank! What kind of kids’ show references The Haunted Tank?! And then there’s the fact that The Comedian’s blood-stained smiley face badge is on display in the Batcave. Let’s go back over that one: there are Watchmen references in this cartoon for six-year-olds.

Batman and Gordon: the original Teen Titans cartoon pretty much never mentioned any aspect of the universe outside of the five characters, barring one fleeting visual reference to the Batcave and the episode where you meet the Doom Patrol. TTG has no qualms about explaining that, yes, Robin is Batman’s sidekick. So we see the Batcave, and Wayne Manor, and Alfred. But it’s Batman’s relationship with Gordon that’s golden. Not just stoic men’s men who diligently work alongside one another, never questioning, never needing to; no, they’re best mates, giggling schoolkids who want to shirk off all work and just sit in their PJs watching crap on the telly. Like a superheroic version of Beavis and Butt-Head, they’re often there, in the background, goofing off, playing games, undercutting the narrative. It’s such a perfect inversion of Batman’s usual persona and a great way of referencing – in supremely silly terms – the deep bond of affection between the two men in most Batman fiction. I especially like when Superman gives Gordon to Batman as a birthday present.

The Night Begins to Shine: I know I said I wouldn’t single out one song, but we do need to talk about The Night Begins to Shine. More than just a cool song in one episode, it blossomed into a whole weird parallel universe filled with bizarre references to ‘80s heavy metal and, well, Heavy Metal. Almost coming off like a primary school version of Mandy, the multi-part epic about Cyborg fighting a giant dragon in the “Night” universe, complete with cameos from people like CeeLo Green and Fall Out Boy (as Transformers!), is just a thing of absolute beauty. Truly, the level of reference and artistry on display in terms of writing, composition, and animation won’t be understood by the kids watching now until they’re quite a bit older. They’ll come back to this in ten, fifteen, twenty years and think “wow, now I see what they were doing; that’s so, so weird”.

The Holiday Mascots: belligerent Santa is the king (“you garbage kids!”), a fat psychopath trying to take over every other holiday, but let’s spare a thought for the other representations of holidays, too. The creepy Tooth Fairy, who eats teeth. The turkey from Thanksgiving who is horribly mutilated. Uncle Sam. And the Easter Bunny. Oh my god, the Easter Bunny. Genuinely unsettling. Words can’t describe. Seriously, check it out, it’s some Babadook-level freaky shit.

Raven’s Legs: a little bit worrying when you’ve got two kids under seven watching it, but the fact that Raven is not just hiding very, very sexy legs underneath her cloak, but is also capable of becoming an entirely other superhero who uses her legs as weapons, is very, very funny. Watching Beast Boy go full Tex Avery when he sees Raven’s legs is one of those gags that, I guess, works on different levels if you’re a child or an adult. Regardless, turning snarky sourpuss Raven into golden-costumed Lady Legasus is a nice move.

Breaking the Fourth Wall: they only really do this explicitly once or twice, I think, but overall the show is incredibly self-referential. From Control Freak trying to get them rebooted or cancelled, to jokes about the animation or the writing, it’s beautifully self-deprecating. This reaches its apex in the 200th episode specials, when the Titans journey into “our” world. It’s hilarious to see them interact with their own voice actors, but for me it’s the note-perfect representation of directing voice actors that’s really funny, almost as good as Toast of London in its depiction. Plus the gag about everyone who works on the show being ultimately replaceable. A scathing indictment of the animation industry, wrapped up in an animation; like The Simpsons in its heyday.

Genuinely Quite Upsetting Violence: I don’t think I’d ever seen a cartoon for small children before that quite regularly featured its main characters having their bones visibly broken. And by “visibly” I mean “cutting to an X-ray of their limb to show the bone shearing in half or crumpling to dust”. It’s almost rare for an episode to go by without one or more of the Titans experiencing life-altering injuries. I’m honestly not sure how they get away with it. but it is funny. Apex moment? Oh, undoubtedly them beating the shit out of Shia LaBeouf in the movie.

Real-World References: clearly the people who make Teen Titans Go! are in their late thirties or early forties; people who grew up in the ‘80s and absorbed ‘80s culture. People who liked Transformers and Star Wars and Back to the Future, who listened to rock music, who liked toys and videogames. They probably grew into teenagers who were fans of obscure animations, cult movies, sci-fi, fantasy, horror. They are, basically, me. I think I would get on quite well with the creators of TTG, based on the things they reference. But beyond cultural appropriation, it’s the references to daylight saving’s time, “shareconomics”, American politics and history, “The Man”, and more, that is so wild and weird to see in a cartoon for young kids. They handle these topics beautifully (I’m honestly not sure if my kids think the things the Titans are talking about are real or not), but as a grown-up it’s really funny to see these gags in a kids’ cartoon. I mean, the Titans fight the Illuminati in one episode. They reference “lizard men in Congress”. It’s bonkers.

Nicolas Cage: in Teen Titans Go! To the Movies, Nicolas Cage plays Superman. That’s it. I mean, what more do you want? The guy whose whole career almost seems to have hinged on playing Superman finally gets to be Superman. The guy who was nearly – oh so nearly – Superman for Tim Burton is now, at last, Superman. The guy who named his kid Kal-El is now Superman. The guy who was namechecked in The Ultimates about eighteen years ago (“this guy wants to be a superhero almost as much as Nicolas Cage”) is now Superman. It’s such a meta-gag, such a high-level gag. Stunt casting taken to its nth degree. It’s even funnier than Billy Dee Williams playing Two-Face in LEGO Batman. And it got better – this part, I concede, beyond the purview of the TTG creators – because the same year he played Superman, Nicolas Cage also played (an alternate universe version of) Spider-Man in Into the Spider-Verse. And, as I alluded to above, starred in his own version of The Night Begins to Shine when he made Mandy. It all links!  

There we go. my favourite things. This was tough, I had to leave a lot out. I’m particularly saddened by not finding room for Cyborg’s tiny body made up of wires whenever he removes his head. And The Jeff; gutted I missed The Jeff. Or the episode that references all the movie incarnations of Batman, including a dumpster full of Batman Forever and Batman & Robin stuff (I’ll save my argument that TTG serves as an even better comic analysis and deconstruction of the meta-character of Batman, and of Robin, than the much-ballyhooed LEGO incarnations for another day). It’s really a great show. I love it to bits. Go watch it.