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patrickbrianmooney · 8 months ago

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IFComp 2024: Phil Riley's "Bureau of Strange Happenings"

This is a review of a game entered into IFComp 2024, the thirtieth annual interactive fiction competition. This year, there are 67 games in the Comp, all free to play. There’s some good stuff in there this year! Anyone is welcome to play and vote on the entries during the Comp period, and you need vote on only five games by the middle of October for your votes to count toward the games’ overall scores!

As is my wont when writing IFComp reviews, I shamelessly steal Jacqueline Ashwell’s rubric for scoring, because, well, it’s thoughtful and fair.

This review, like all of my reviews, is potentially spoilery. You may want to avoid reading it until after you’ve played the game. That’s up to you.

This was an oddball entry and, having finished it, I'm still not sure how I feel about it overall. There's an awful lot to like about it: a huge world (not a lot of Comp games top 100 rooms, and I didn't explore all of the maps extensively), laugh-out-loud funny writing, a weirdly absurd setup that's mostly pulled off well. But there were some teeth-gnashing frustrations, too: how little signposting there is for the path that leads the plot forward, especially in the beginning; how long it takes the plot to really hit its stride; the way that the early actions that need to be taken before getting to the fun part feel like level-grinding on an 80s JRPG. All in all, I liked it; but I would have liked for it to be balanced differently, all in all.

So it's a story about a secret agent at a minor government spy agency that's just become a lot more minor; the game begins on the day when the agency is moving its office out to a strip mall in the outer suburbs of DC. You play Agent Faraji, an employee of the Bureau of Strange Happenings, an X-Files-like organization, but one a lot closer to the writing of Douglas Adams than Chris Carter. Agent Faraji starts the game needing to accomplish some mundane unpacking-related tasks on their first day in the agency's new office, but the basic tasks that the game immediately presents are immediately frustrated by a lack of tools, which motivates the player to explore the immediate area on the map.

So far, so good; it's not an unusual opening for a piece of parser IF. But the necessary tools are not readily available, and the basic tasks that need to happen are continually deferred until Agent Faraji is sent on an assignment to rescue a colleague who has disappeared. The basic tasks remain on the player's radar throughout the game, and a running gag is that you can ask pretty much any NPC in the game for the screwdriver you started off the game needing; it's not available until the very very end of the game, when you can finally answer the ringing phone that you couldn't answer before because you needed a screwdriver to disassemble the desk in which the phone had accidentally been locked. So far, so good; in a lot of ways, this resembles the basic plot structure of Infocom's Bureaucracy (if I'm remembering that game at all accurately a few decades down the line).

The real problem with the opening isn't that it's not reasonable, nor that player frustration isn't a fair thing to motivate early, but just that it sticks you wandering around what winds up being the least interesting part of the game map. The NPCs are plausibly written and sometimes rather funny, and the initially available locations are described with humor and verve, but starting off a game with time travel and conspiracy theories and lizard people and secret agents and hyperspatial travel and technology indistinguishable from magic by having the player unsuccessfully seek a screwdriver, meet their coworkers, and get a cup of coffee feels like a missed opportunity. It's frustrated by a lack of indications about how to move forward; there's a lot of having to examine everything. Once you find a necessary item or two, the possibilities for exploration really open up, and the use of the items is relatively obvious once you find them, but finding them takes a lot of carefully examining everything. It would have been nice for the boss assigning Agent Faraji the rescue mission to have simply handed them the astral glasses and given a brief overview of their use, to my mind. (Too, there's a rather cavalier attitude on the boss's part to "how am I expected to accomplish this mission once you send em back in time"; the absurdist tone doesn't quite work for me.)Similarly, the exploration of the hyperplane seems like overkill; I went ahead and used the walkthrough instead of trying to decode the symbols on the compass, and doing so takes the player through 37 spaces with virtually no variation on, say, 33 of them; this feels like overkill to me. (Maybe there is a faster route if you figure out how the compass coordinates work; I didn't stray from the walkthrough, though, going through a three-dimensional cross-section of five-dimensional space).

Once it really gets going, though, the game is an awful lot of fun; much of the late game takes place in a fictitious small town in 1954, with a whole lot of implementation over the 45 or so locations that the town is implemented on. This is where the game feels to me like it finally hits its stride; there's a nice set of fair-but-occasionally-tough puzzles all oriented around the central goal of foiling the plans of a cabal of sinister lizard people. This part of the game is well-written, reward exploration, has a good bit of momentum, and kept my interest up to the point where I found myself pondering it when I was away from my computer. In some ways, it had a lot in common with Anchorhead, where the overall goal is to avert a catastrophic series of events by manipulating devices involving beams of light. (Though it was, thankfully, a smaller task than in Anchorhead.) This was a blast, and I really enjoyed it.

One of the few genuine problems, for me, in the later parts of the game was the dependence on random gaming elements: the movements of the lizard people around the town of Enigma Lake, of instance, and what amounts to randomized combat at the game's plot climax. Random combat is hard to do well in IF, I think; there are games that do an acceptable job of it (Leadlight springs to mind; and this year's Comp entry Forsaken Denizen); but I can't think of a game where I was so enthusiastic about the randomized combat that I genuinely felt it made the game better or was an unequivocally wonderful choice on the author's part. The problem with randomness is that it's the ludic elements of the game overpowering the narrative elements: in a traditional narrative, there's a reason, at some discursive level, for the sequence of plot events; nothing is truly random because narrative is a technique for structuring our understanding of why things happen. Inserting truly random events whose only motivation is "because that's what the computer's dice roll determined would happen" breaks this basic narrative contract, I think.

In a lot of ways, I think the main problem that BOSH wound up having is simply that it had so many good ideas that they never wound up being fully integrated into a cohesive, organic whole: here's a chance to explore a mathematically abstract space. Here's a conspiracy theory. Here's another one. Here's a set of fetch quests. Here's a set of enjoyably wacky NPCs. Here's a fun group of machines to manipulate. Here's two new dimensions to explore, plus time-travel. But they never quite settle down into a game that becomes a system that you can work with to tell a collaborative story; it's the kind of game that I cannot imagine finishing without a walkthrough.

Deviations from standard IF conventions made for a bit of friction, too; frankly, I'd rather see the location name flush against the left margin, above a room description, than worked into the text of a paragraph. Bolding the name helps too, and so does the way that the title bar is used, but neither is really as good a visual signal of IF "paragraphs" as just putting the name of the room first. Too, using third-person instead of second-person for the narration felt strange to me, and I never quite got used to it.

But, with a walkthrough, it was a good time, and I think that putting the work into pruning and shaping it into a more polished edifice would really pay off, which is why I'm glad that the end of the game announces that Agent Faraji will return in a sequel. I'll play it.

(I also drew a map of the game’s geography as I played; I'm less happy with it than with many of the maps I draw while playing parser IF, in part because translating a 3D imaginary space into 2D is hard enough; but this game had five spatial dimension and time travel, so I did what I could.)

(This review is based on the updated release of 2 September 2024.)

#interactive fiction #parser IF #IFComp 2024 #2024 #IFComp #Phil Riley #Bureau of Strange Happenings #conspiracy theories #secret agents #time travel #hperspace #astral travel #puzzle games

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hipsofsteel · 1 year ago

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experiencing thoughts i just need to write down

in the intro/advanced playwriting combo class today, there was a gentleman who had a short piece about a 90 year old father who was no longer safe to be at home and what i have to assume was at least a mid-fifties son who is acting as primary caretaker while not living in the house

the father has refused to move into a care home, and the core of the piece was basically an argument that the son and father are having where the father insists hes absolutely fine and safe to be trusted driving, taking his own meds (whichs hes forgotten to do three days in a row), and having nightly fires in his house's fireplace.

the son is so frustrated with his father not even trying to take care of himself ("i set alarms on your phone so you'd remember to take your meds" "i wont use a phone you young people are too addicted to them, besides im fine after three days without them, i don't need them").

its clear that if there was a semblance of a good relationship ever existing between the father and son, it died when the son's mother went to the grave before her husband.

our professor was like "you can really sympathize with both men at different points in the narrative, especially since the son is being so aggressive at moments with his father", and all the class agreed.

except me, although i didn't say SHIT in class, because i was not ready to explain my emotions and years of trauma to eleven people randomly today

CONTINUED BELOW THE READ MORE

There is one aspect I can sympathize with. The loss of autonomy is terrifying to me in old age. on that, I felt for the father. its hard to go from family breadwinner to unable to move around your own home very safely, and being encouraged to give up even more autonomy by moving into a care home.

however, the class kept saying the son was being so aggressive and clearly something unrelated in his life was stressing him and he was taking it out on his father.

and all i could think was "none of you have incredibly emotionally abusive parents, do you?"

now, thats just an assumption im making. i don't know these people's home lives and familial relationships. but let me just say, i heard myself in that son. so loudly that i sent my sister a message we've sent each other over and over for years

"I hope dad dies before mom."

my dad's mother is still alive, and currently in a care home for the last eighteen months. she had a favorite son who could do no wrong among her five children. she also had a least favorite son who she, after the death of her husband, emotionally abused the shit out of.

that least favorite son was my dad.

my dad, even before his father's death, was emotionally abusive. and im so used to this bullshit from him that like, a part of me doesn't even consider him THAT emotionally abusive. yet this is a man who told me when i was in grade school that if i was crying about being bullied, then i deserved to be bullied. WHEN HIS FATHER WAS STILL ALIVE

so, since 2009, when my grandfather died, my father has taken out every frustration his mother shoved on him onto my sister and me. and my mother has repeatedly told us to swallow our tongues. we cant defend ourselves because "your grandma is really upsetting him, and he just needs to blow off steam"

i was repeatedly told my emotions were not as valid as his.

this was repeated when he became an alcoholic. i had a standing recommendation for therapy from the trauma he was giving me over my entire life, and mom said "you cant go to therapy until your dad gets sober". and the sad thing is, i feel like the last major lull in my dad's emotional abuse was when he WAS drinking. sometimes, i fucking miss those days, even though I had to act like a primary caretaker to him during those days.

my mother even to this day describes my father as "her cross to bear", but every occupant of this house is bearing him, and it makes me so mad because again, its saying "your emotions don't matter"

in the play scene, after the father all but forces his son to admit that taking care of him is a stressful burden by all but shoving the words into his mouth, the father openly throws in his sons face "oh, if im such a burden, why do you keep caring for me?" and the son goes "because i promised my mother i would, and YOU taught me promises meant something." and the father goes "well, clearly not. you don't give a shit about promises if you wont let me live how i want to live"

and that filled me with such deep seated rage, because my classmates kept saying how you could tell the son had something UNRELATED going on in his life to make him yell at his father the way he was, and i was internally screaming "THIS FATHER IS MY FATHER AND THE SON IS ME AND ITS NOT UNRELATED, ITS YEARS OF BUILDING RESENTMENT AS YOU'RE TREATED LIKE GARBAGE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN"

there is so much hate and love fused together in my soul at the man i call father already. so much resentment and anger that has to live alongside the rarer and rarer moments he shows me kindness and compassion. and if he lives as long as his mother has managed, i have over 30 more years of this anger to build on.

my grandmother has never apologized to my father, and her memory's so bad now that i know she never will. and I know my father will do the same to me. he treats all the other residents of the house like hysteric harpies who should never be listened to because we're just dumb emotional women. when my grandmother dies, my father will not be able to say anything nice at her funeral. i, at age 25, already know i will not be able to say anything nice at his.

and now, im left holding the bag that this piece dredged up out of my soul. its ugly, and screaming, and i was unprepared to look at it today despite 100% knowing it was there and looking at it before. and yet, there it is. dumped back into my lap once more.

and im left with one terrible prayer, a sort of inevitable conclusion

I hope my dad dies before my mom.

#personal #jess talks too much #my father

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pwblogarchive · 11 months ago

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November 2006

11/03/06 Q&A

question

Dear Pete, If you created your own scent (like a cologne, body spray, perfume, etc.) what would it smell like? Love, Me [please] P.S. Please do not do ACTUALLY make your own scent. Unless it smells really good and is garunteed to get me love.

answer

the floor of the fireside bowl, summer, hemingway after he gets a bath blahblah

question

Pete whats your natural hair color?

answer

brown. like a healthy bowel movement.

question

Nice outfit on the heidi klum halloween party, aaaww the hair!

answer

if joe refuses to rock that look i will.

question

What do you want people to say about you 50 years from now?

answer

“wow, this is a nice headstone to sit on”.

question

your eyes shine bright like the headlights of one million speeding cars.

answer

im obsessed with crashing into you.

question

Pete Pete Pete whare have you been have you gone to find a life out side the internet task task task

answer

alternating between finishing our record and dying of boredom.

question

On The Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack Reissue did you guys get to choose what song you played or did they choose it for you? If you got to choose it why did you choose Whats This?

answer

we chose it. it is patrick and i’s favorite song from the movie. it is amazing. like when i watch hemingway see something for the first time- its an awakening. jack has never seen christmas before- its what goes on in his mind as it unwraps. i love it.

question

i love to hate you, does that make me a bad person?

answer

nah. but hating me is pretty 06, youve only got couple months left- then it will be like vintage hate, which could be kinda stylish i guess.

question

uhmmmm….how long do you wanna live?

answer

sometimes im over it, sometimes i wanna live forever.

question

peter, you wont ever know who this is but i miss youre more than anything right now. im starting to lose faith in the band. when will you be traveling the states?

answer

we have something really special planned for you. dont lose faith. expect to see some things beginning to happen this winter. pay close attention.

question

pete, i know so much about you i could probably write an autobiography on your life. half the things i found out by accident. do you think its creepy how much people know about you?

answer

most of the things people say or write arent true or are half true. so thats kind of frustrating. but who cares? i just keep breathing and its all ok.

question

How do you feel about Ricky (ZEZEtheX) leaving the boards?

answer

im a fan of ricky. kind of a bummer. but it seems like everyone ends up back at some point. its irresistible.

question

would u ever hate a fan?

answer

i guess i could hate anyone for the right reasons. but i am a pretty forgiving person because i make alot of mistakes myself….

November 4, 2006

“record is almost done.”

i am running out the door to hear a final song.

for those of you who dressed up, bonnie posted your pictures over at www.friendsorenemies.com

there will be a winner for best boy costume and best girl costume.

"late for a very important date"

November 4, 2006

“high heals (mr. E and ms. fortune)”

cue the dream sequence.get the feeling of feeling.you make me feel pins and needles like a leg that has been asleep.we have signs on our backs that read: save me.i am in love with the rescuers.you see that heart, i will gut it like a fish.talk some sense into me.i dare you.daydream ships and sleepy summer bombers feign softness when she calls.i will make the hair on your neck stand on end.i will make you sing out in the night.

11/04/06 Q&A

question

PETE! I dont know what to do. And because you are awesome at given advice I turn to you. Theres this guy I like and he says that he wants to sleep with me before we go out. But then when i asked why we couldnt just go out he said because we had to sleep together first. Do you think he is using me? What should I do?

answer

id say probably no. i forget what its from but… whoever buys the icecream after they get the free taste? noone.

question

How did you become interested in music?

answer

oldies in my dads car then thriller then appetite for destruction then dookie then minor threat.

question

Dear Pete, In my english class were reading Farenheit 491. Its set in the future, and in the story all the books are being burnt because the public wants things that are fast, visual, and easy. They dont want to be minorities. I was thinking, and I got really worried. My generation is becoming just like that book. I dont think I can stand to see another myspace that says “reding iz gay” in the Books section. Im so frustrated. why do people have to be stupid? The point of all this: Can you reccommend to me a genious from my generation, an author, poet, or band, someone that gives you faith in the human race and makes you sure that were not all getting stupider? Youre one of course, but id really like to know of more. Thanks for this and the words and tell the boys thanks for the music Love, Brook

answer

i guess im not sure generationally, writers i like: bukowski, hemingway, miller, celine, olds- someone from our time that i love is a friend of my named wes. not sure where you could read his stuff. ill find out and put it on our site. there are plenty of other gems out there you just have to dig.

question

Pete, I find myself not really liking Fall Out Boy anymore. It is not that you guys suck or anything, its just your “untouchable”. By that i mean your my fave band, and i know i will never in a million years ever have a chance to meet you and that sucks so bad. I find myself really starting to like local bands tons more cuz i can actually communicate with them. Am i a horrible person for thinking this?

answer

not at all. i appreciate your honestu. hopefully out our new record and tours will win you back- especially with some smaller shows. we have come up with a few plans to be able to interact with fans on a smaller level coming up- i know how it goes. i have been there and it hurts. at the same time- weve never done this before so we arent even sure what we are doing… besides, i love hearing people say that they love local bands! that is how our band began- i cant wait to get back and play some smaller shows. pleas ebe sure to come over at say hey if you make it to one!

question

if i was to bake you cookies…and i “accidently” dropped a few hairs in there and you ate it and i told you late once you finished telling me that yu were crapping hairballs…what would you do?

answer

i only eat my moms cookies cause i am addicted to them. but i would probably throw up would be my guess.

question

Pete! My dog died yesterday of cancer. Has this ever happened to you? If so, how did you deal?

answer

i think i would freak out. id probably try to remember the best times and maybe look at pictures. i think after a bit id get a new dog because there are so many out there that need new homes and new buddies to take care of them.

question

hey petery, me and my friends are lossing faith in our band, singer is going crazy, guitarist isiacting starge, and rythym(me) im going down. how did ur band stay together

answer

friends stick together.

November 6, 2006

“forgive me for all the times i messed with your pretty head”

actually dont.it doesnt really matter either way.it all turns out the same.alphamale. omegalove.every dog has its day and all.but i think we slept through ours.....theres no sucess quite like failure. trust me. i can be a character witness.dodging bars that noone can find and noone can get into. it becomes a parody of itself.i love borat for bringing the mustache back before mike cardin could.but the prestige makes me want to quit the band and move to the 1800's.id bring back walkmen with sweet yellow headphones and be like the king of the world.dont burn me out on borat by trying to do the accent: here's a hint- you dont do it very well.back to diary-ing....i mean, really, how many times do you need to check your voicemails to realize noone is calling.put me down or fix me- but more like a cat or dog...had a dream where i picked orange leaves from blonde hair in moonlight.and im left forever edning signals back to you in black night.gotta run these words are terribe at best, ill be b ack to clean up this mess. i need to go to sleep not to read more,.,. or maybe not.

November 7, 2006

“id love to decode this all. but i fear it woud only be another misstep in a series. so am gonna take a leap and hold my breath.”

boots high, keep our roots from every finding us.dear to our hearts are the yellows of the moon. it you waving a flag at me: its not quite white and its not quite surrender.but its got me curious.from under the floorboards i listen to hear if you got what it takes.i want to wake the entire hallway.sometimes cheek kiss goodbyes catch the corners of lips- and its just the secret of those two forever.going home tommorrow, which is today if i get to sleep.

November 12, 2006

you call me a bad tipper of the cradle.but im tired yawns for fawns on hunters lawns.we're the hasbeens of husbands- sharpening the knives of young wives.take two years and call me when youre better...take teardrops of mine, find yourself wetter.were so miserable and stunning,lovesongs so genuinely cunning.

- xo

November 12, 2006

i know everyone thought we took the messageboard away. but how could we take away such an enlightened place for intellectual conversation. and besides how would we know who andrew hurleys new "wife" without it.? we're sorry the site was down- but our friends over at absolutepunk.net have an exclusive sneak peek at a song from our new album.

so after you make fun of the rednecks in the borat movie and IM your lil buddy and say- "i totally love/hate _______ band cause of his new haircut/pants"- scope out our new song.

see you sooner than you think.

(edit: you know we love you. dont take us too seriously)...

November 14, 2006

he said "that song is my life", it may have been my best moment. so young.

this is only the greatest story ever told"i have lightning in my head"to be brought to the world.the 101 is an iv in my veins,blood rush up your driveway.noones ever gonna get us, noones ever gonna get us-everything inside me is only meant to break your hearts.november spawned a monster.

November 15, 2006

forgive me for all the times i messed with your pretty head

actually dont.

it doesnt really matter either way.

it all turns out the same.

alphamale. omegalove.

every dog has its day and all.

but i think we slept through ours...

theres no sucess quite like failure. trust me. i can be a character witness.

dodging bars that noone can find and noone can get into. it becomes a parody of itself.

i love borat for bringing the mustache back before mike cardin could.

but the prestige makes me want to pack it all up and move to the 1800's.

id bring back walkmen with sweet yellow headphones and be like the king of the world.

dont burn me out on borat by trying to do the accent: here's a hint- you dont do it very well.

back to diary-ing....

i mean, really, how many times do you need to check your voicemails to realize noone is calling.

put me down or fix me- but more like a cat or dog...

had a dream where i picked orange leaves from blonde hair in moonlight.

and im left forever edning signals back to you in black night.

gotta run these words are terribe at best, ill be back to clean up this mess. i need to go to sleep not to read more,.,. or maybe not.

Posted by xoat 1:23 AM

November 18, 2006

im just a painter drawing a blank.but i could learn to miss you. i could learn to pity fools- because i am the biggest one and i always feel sorry for myself. i could learn to read your mind but reading in the dark has wrecked my sight.

- xo

November 19, 2006

we are the carriers but you will always be the rescuers.

i feel in love with the world. this is out of character for me. the always whining, overdramatic player of the worlds smallest violin. but i truly love the world we have created- us and you. it is a refuge and i think we sometimes take that for granted. but i can tell you i wouldn't have this smile across my face if it wasnt for you. working on the new video- i think some of our old fans are really gonna like some of the subtle touches it will have. i know some of whats going on is a stretch. but come with- because this is the greatest story ever. thanks for letting us be a part of this. this is my rushmore.

November 24, 2006

so i guess being that we are in the fueledbyramen journal- i should write about some of the happenings of FBR/DECAYdance bands.On my way home to chicago for the holidays I was sitting on the airplane getting ready to fake sleep so i wouldnt have to speak to anyone and who walks on and sits next to me? Mike Cardin from the Academy. So i spent the next 5 hours hanging with him and the rest of the Academy boys on the flight home. completely accidentally. Their new record is sure to charm the pants off of you- total brain party.Got in and made my way to the Panic! at the disco show at the UIC pavillion. Needless to say i was floored by the show. there was a fucking circus on stage. Some good hangs and then made my way home. Had Brendon and Ryan over for Wentz family Thanksgiving and went and watched the new james bond movie.RIght now i am listening to new lifetime songs. they are completely mindblowing. This is the band that totally shaped Fall Out Boy and the sound of Take this to your grave.Over at Decaydance we are looking for some new bands. if you got what it takes- get some music in our hands.dont believe everything you read. the only people i have time to date are Hemingway and Infinity On High- otherwise its just NOT the truth.oh yeah and this was a dream come true: http://www.ew.com/ew/report/0,6115,1562674_4_0_,00.htmlhave a good long weekend. forget about your problems for a bit.

- xo

11/24/06 Q&A

question

petei only went to the patd concert[in chcago] cause i thought u were going to be there but it was fun. p.s. my brother zito says hi.

answer

i went and i think the show was pretty amazing. i hope you had a good time.

question

Pete- in realese the bats when dirty is drinking mud of the ground what city were you in beacuse it looked just like the Buffalo warped tour a few years ago. much love Abby

answer

montreal.

question

are there gonna be more dolls their out of pete and sndys already and that was gonna be my christmas present from my mom :(

answer

get her three joes and a patrick. total party all the time.

November 26, 2006

“everyone looks good in black and white pictures (only's).”

she only orders drinks without mixers.

two bites of 100 dollars plates at dinner,

desserts are always enough pills to get you full.

but when im sleeping next to her im not scared what will happen to me after i die.

they only pose questions like: what makes you tick?

we throw back whatever.

red herrings. dummy cars. whatever changes the subject.

im only in love with trainwrecks.

except tonight she is four redbull vodkas into the moment-

its the closest thing she can order to an 8ball at an open bar.

im always only half there.

coasting through questions and pictures- always half way inside the world in my head.

i only know that youll never know me.

November 27, 2006

so having returned from the movie "the fountain" i feel as though my life has been turned on it's head. like youve been thinking all of this time but the reserve light just came on and there are about 20 miles to empty. i hate running into people i used to know- who tell me "congratulations" or how they always knew whatever. i am terrible at small talk. i simply have not been designed to do it. i know about 3/4 of the time it is a completely genuine thought from them- but i dont know how to respond ever. i lower my eyes to the ground and fish for a thought that will take us far from this line of questioning. they say it as if this had all been a plan- like i couldnt be in the gutter 12 months from now just as easily- and be just as happy with the right friends and right loves and maybe some books. its so much more of a relief to hear someone make fun of this or me- to laugh and tear me down. i can brush it off easier. i dont have to make small talk. and when someone walks up who has been honestly changed or moved by the music and words- i dont even need to be told anything. you can see it in your eyes. i am left speechless, usually looking awkward for a second followed by a meager thank you. i think many fail to realize that i feel just as changed, moved, saved and real by the path of this band. i feel a part of this too. i count down the days until we tour again too. and finally- it is only on the stage when i feel at home. i hate looking at the setlist and seeing the songs running out. i hate days off. i hate breaks. i only look forward to making new albums because it means i will get to play more shows. i love walking into dusty rooms where you can feel the electricity of what will happen that night. or the condensation on the floor afterwards from what just transpired. you cant capture this in a photograph, song, movie, video or review. they all fall short. i love walking into the dark frigid air and seeing those few lifers hanging on the railing- and always do my best to make sure they get to at least exchange some words. i miss this so goddamned much right now.it feels like everyone is singing heartache. i dont want to be a disposable band. i dont want to be just a poster on the wall. i know everyone wants another "sugar" or "dance, dance" out of us. but i hope the new songs will truly help you take apart your despair or at least give you a place to hide out from it in. i hope it brings you some sense of peace or rest. or maybe that when you walk down the stairs into the basement of yourself that you can dust off old ideas of who you are and know that the clouds part from time to time.i know this is a bit much. this is what i wrote upon leaving the movie. i cant wait for you to hear the new songs. i cant wait to get back and play them for you- to sing them WITH you.thank you for making me try to become a better person. truly.so on this journal i want to try and include something from the label side of things. here's my little buddy brendon from Panic talking about how we used to make Man Soup/friendsthatbathetogetherstaytogether (though i believe nfg may have invented man stew a bit earlier, u sksinny jerks could only make soup): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Je1Tlgy8P_E&mode=related&search=

- xo

11/28/06 Q&A

question

Where did “Patrick Being Weird” come from? XO Syd

answer

its actually an audio sample that was supposed to be put at the end of takethisto your grave. a bunch of inside jokes- it has pete, patrick, joe and our friend sean talking on it.

question

Peter, I just wanted to say thank you to you and all the members of Fall Out Boy. I am not a 13 year old girl who simply likes you because you are cute or because it is the “cool” thing to do. I wish my life was that easy. I am lucky in many aspects of the life I have been granted. I am 25, married to a wonderful man, and have a daughter who means the world to me. For as long as I can remember, I have felt like I am here for a purpose, to change something/someone. I live in a small town in middle america and have always felt out of place. I have questioned every decision I have ever made, and never been content with the results. I have suffered from depression and sometimes wanted it all to end. The only time I have felt “at home” is when I am listening to music. I have always had a connection with music. When I was younger it was bands like Nirvana, The Cure and Green Day. Now I feel like I am connected to Fall Out Boy. I love your music. I can not listen to Take this to your grave enough time. I know this sounds wierd because I do not know you personally, but you have left a lasting impression on me and for this I thank you

answer

wow. thank you. Mindblowing.

question

chain reaction misses you.

answer

we miss the chain. just went and saw the hushsound there, the room felt exactly the same. it was awesome.

question

pete im getting tired of asking when will fall out boy come to australia??? i will keep asking untill you give me a serious answer

answer

this year: central and south america, canada, united states (hawaii), u.k., europe. australia, new zealand, japan, russia, dubai and possibly south africa- THATS WHAT WERE

#fall out boy #pete wentz #livejournal

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foxymoxyda · 1 year ago

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Hi Foxy,

So this introduction of your DA writing is a whole new world for me. I’m slowly learning what DA is all about. That plus what you’ve shared about it from the Lowlander universe, and Sasha from SS, has sent me poking around the interwebs to read up on the different version of it from over the years. I remember you saying that your career is also based in the game space, so let me ask you: as someone who has literally zero experience gaming (I know, I know, I’m an aberration) but who would be willing to give it a try for DA, where should I start? One thing I read was that for DA, the PC game is the way to go (as opposed to a separate console) - does that sound right? If so, which version/game? Sorry if my terminology is wrong. I literally have no idea what I’m doing here, but I want to be a bit like Sasha and escape in this world and pine for Cullen ;) a little too. Any direction would be appreciated. Also, Thanks for this story. It’s a cool departure from all your other stories (which I am equally obsessed with, don’t worry)

This is so fun!! The beauty of these games is that they're pretty good and easy to pick up. You can even play them on easier difficulty levels to just learn and enjoy, I highly recommend it.

PC is totally fine for these, you can play mouse and keyboard so you don't even need a game controller unless that is more comfortable for you. Reflexes are more important in the third game than the first or second. You can really start wherever you want so I'll give you some pros/cons for where you want to.

Dragon Age: Origins, the first game of this series. If you start here, you'll meet people and make decisions that can impact your world and story in the second and third game. Very story-based, some of the best companions. Generally I'd say this is the place to start so you learn everything from beginning. There's a part you go into the Fade which can be really long and frustrating, I highly recommend using walkthrough instructions online if you get too frustrated :) There are several DLCs you can play too that set up the next games further.

Dragon Age: II. Secretly my favorite of the games, but don't start here lol. I think this should be played after Origins. Fair warning, folks tend to either love or hate this game. I love it.

Dragon Age: Inquisition, the most recent game. It's got a better look and more updated tutorials based on how folks playl games now. It has a little more reflex-dependent gameplay but there are tutorials and easier modes. Its pacing can be faster depending if you want to do all the side quests, it feels more open world and exploring which can be a lot of fun if you're having fun. This is not a bad place to start either if you want to jump right in. You wont' have the backstory yet for some of the characters but you'll figure it out :)

Happy playing, I hope you enjoy yourself!

#asks #anonymous

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currysochaotic · 2 years ago

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*PLEASE IGNORE whats written below i just wanted to rant*

*I mean it please ignore i couldn't write all this on notes app hence rambled it all here, it wont make sense ignore*

my closest relationships are getting weird and fucked up rn. i cant explain. some not getting along with each other. some not getting along with me. something is my fault but its apparently not clear what is but im supposed to be apologetic and make it better because ive maybe done something to make them get weird vibes and emotionally distant from me and it sucks so much because idk man idk whats going on. this has been going on for more than a month its such a negative and exhausting episode. i know time will make it all better i have submitted my faith in the process now because im just done at this point. i dont have much energy left in me to deal with this many feelings and thoughts and fuck ups at once. i cant even say it all out loud irl because it'll feel like im victimizing myself or invalidating their concerns and their drained energy or overreacting or being dramatic or whatever. I just feel extremely misunderstood. Everybody is at fault, everybody is irritated and everybody is disappointed in each other in one way or the other here so there's no black and white here. But at this point idek if im wrong or right for feeling this way. I just want this episode to be over as soon as possible and over for once and all.

I AM JUST DONE. I CAN'T ANYMORE. I cant process anything anymore i cant tolerate all this dark weird aura im getting from everyone anymore (the irony is they seem to get it from me so uk its a loop)

I love these people. I just want everyone and everything to be okay and warm between us all. I am really putting my trust in time. I am tired. I want to talk it all out, let all my feelings and opinions and anger and disappointment and apologies and tears and everything out, to someone who'll get me. But at the risk of sounding cliche, no one will get me rn. Everybody will have a taunt to give, a comment to pass, subtly invalidating why im feeling this. I have no one to go to rn and its sad. Matlab i do have more friends but i cant talk about all this to anyone which makes it more frustrating.

*if by any chance you read it all out of curiosity, erase this from your memory, you didnt even see it okay?*

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justbelievinginmagic · 3 years ago

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I Need U - Chapter 1: Chase ‘em

a super-slow burn hyyh / bangtan universe au ft oc x taehyung, oc x seokjin, yoongi x jungkook, ot7 & oc being pals.

series summary: Song Nari still couldn’t wrap her mind around it. How was she here? Stuck in a world that felt more like a nightmare than reality. How did she end up here - wishing at a lookout point above the rolling sea in the dead of night besides a high school friend that she hadn’t seen or talked to in over a year? How did she end up here after all she did was chase down the seven delinquents who graffitied her car to give them a piece of her mind?

chapter summary: A traffic jam was the last thing she wanted right now - or so she thought.

warnings: implied/referenced drug and alcohol use, explicit language, Bangtan Boys are delinquents, oc is kinda angry-dumb, run mv havoc.

wordcount: 4.4K

A/N: hi this chapter has been rewritten & reposted as of June 2022. Its been a year since starting to write I Need U and I want so badly to finish it. So I started to reread it (since i did take a hiatus away from it and lost the voice of the characters). I discovered rewriting bits just to tighten up their relationships/experience/etc was really fun so here we are lol. If you have been reading I Need U for a while, major plot points will not be changing as of now - but these chapters are rewritten for more clarity. you wont be missing out on anything if you dont reread them but their relationships/personalities are a bit more fleshed out.

series’ masterlist

| → next chapter

A traffic jam doesn’t often change your life.

Traffic jams are the worst usually. That’s what Song Nari thought as she groaned out at the sight of rows and rows of red brake lights. The tunnel she was stuck in gleamed in a hue of rubies and amber light; the night sky at the end of tunnel seemed so far away. Her fingernails tapped against the side of the steering wheel with a rising tempo; each jab of her nails into the wheel dug deeper and deeper until there were a series of crescent moons in the dark worn leather.

The day had been horrible – and this traffic jam was just the cherry on top of a terrible sundae. First, it had been a surprise exam. Nari had been so focused on her mathematics exam that she hadn’t remembered her history class had an in-class essay. It was frustrating; she can still feel the flush of her cheeks and churn of her stomach at the announcement. Nari had wanted to hide or cry or throw something at a wall. She could already hear her family once she received the grade (“This grade, Nari-ah?” Disappointment that sliced her skin. “Your sister did so much better in school. You need to work harder. How else will you get into a good university?”)

A surprise exam couldn’t just be it, no, then there was work. Her part-time job at the local ramen shop was typically boring - except for today, of course. Customers seemed to just know when someone is feeling bad. One middle-aged woman criticized her for being not “cheerful enough” while taking her order. Then, they hadn’t tipped. Nari could feel the anger boiling at her bones – like she was the very ramen broth being reduced in a pot in the kitchen.

After cleaning and locking up the shop alone, you’d think life would be looking up with the closing of the day. But then, there was this. This stupid traffic jam.

A fucking traffic jam on a Thursday night.

She twisted her neck this way and that, cracking it as the radio played in crinkled, poorly transmitted sequences. This tunnel was notorious for blocking radio signals – and despite being a modern teenager, Nari’s phone had a low battery she couldn’t risk worsening using it for music. Her AUX cord dangled tantalizingly nonetheless. Cars were restless, edging closer and closer to bumpers that were barely moving.

And then, the cars began to honk.

Nari huffed out a sigh. Honking didn’t do anything; didn’t these people know that? She was only sixteen – a fresh new driver – and she knew that. The honks were a cacophony of noise, mixing unpleasantly with her shitty radio transmission. Both rising and rising in her ears until her hand shot out to turn off the radio with a thud. Her finger hurt from the force. Her head ached even more. Her other hand rose to rub at her forehead; a day’s worth of sweat and smudges of half-worn off foundation came off as she lowered her hand. Can’t this day end? The noise only grew, honks blending together into a rumble of a monster’s roar. Was there an accident or something?

Breathing roughly from her nose, Nari tried to peer around the cars in front of her, her head clanking against the glass of her driver-side door’s window. The spring-time chill clinging to the glass helped the beginning of her headache. Her eyes were hurting from the light – her contacts felt dry. All she wanted was to be home in her bed. But instead, she was here, stuck in what felt like an isolation in the universe, a time-loop of a traffic jam.

Glancing out, she couldn’t see anything around the car in front of her – too jam packed like sardines in a can. Her eyes fell shut for a moment in frustration. She could feel it building up like a pressure cooker. Her patience was running thin.

There was something else among the honking competition outside suddenly. Her eyes flashed open at the sound. It was yells, shouts, screeches. Panic struck through her – what was that? Pressing her face closer to the window, she finally caught a glance.

Teenage boys. Six of them to be exact, running throughout the cars. Weaving back and forth with crowing laughter. They were tossing things into the air. Her brows furrowed as she tried to spot what it was, eyes bugging when she realized it was food. Chips and fries. Drinks were thrown onto windshields.

One of the boys – with orange dyed hair – jumped atop a car, tossing the remains of his chips roughly at the car windshield before standing tall and proud. A friend of his with pink hair handed a take-away cup to him, his face falling into what Nari could only make out as a dazed nonchalance before he sloppily poured the remains of the drink of the windshield. He lazily dropped the cup near immediately afterwards.

Nari was shell shocked. Her mouth parted in a perfect ‘O’, and her eyes blinking once, twice. What the fuck was going on? Why – and how – were they doing this? They were going to get arrested.

Another boy – one that seemed taller and with a too eager look in his eyes – crouched down to spit his drink into one of the cars’ open windows in a large plume of sugary spray.

Quickly, her gaze moved to her car locks. Her hand shifted to flick at the toggle, making sure they were locked tight. As soon as her gaze rose back to the anarchy in front of her, she let out a scream, flinching back in her seat.

One of the boys, a teenager with shaggy hair that was also dyed a bit – was it electric green at the tips? – was pushing himself onto her car’s hood. Her old car creaked and rumbled, but he didn’t care as he leaned forward, over the windshield. His fisted hands came rushing down onto her windshield’s glass with a thud. He let out a loud “boo!”.

He wanted to spook her, and when he saw her surprised, wide-eyed face and her little jump, he was granted what he wanted. Her lips were a pout, and her dark brown eyes glistened wide with shock. He let out a laugh, hazed eyes falling shut for a moment as Nari looked on bewildered. He was high enough that everything seemed harmless yet like he was in control even as he felt the car’s metal moan beneath his weight. His smile was wide and boxy, looking chaotic and wild on his face.

While she was scared, frightened by the chaotic scene, Nari was still utterly angry. This – this – was keeping her from going home. A bunch of dickhead teenagers who wanted to cause chaos for fun while they’re high on whatever drugs they found in a back alley. There was a spark of bravery – or stupidity – in her veins at the thought. Her face quickly fell being that of a doe-eyed victim into something scrawled into a scowl. Her eyes bore into his face. His laughter was still overtaking him, shaking his form. His half-mooned, pupil-blown eyes bore tears of amusement.

When he finally got another glance at her (he was itching to see that sweet innocent look of surprise again), he didn’t expect to see the mean glare. His tongue licked at his lower lip, tasting strawberry soju that still stained his lips. He was about to throw her a smirk when she startled him. His eyes widened as he watched – and felt – her slam down heavily on her steering wheel’s horn with the palm of her hand. The noise was loud and piercing, but there was already a blur of sounds among them. Honks, cheers, curses, hoots, and hollers. The boy with green highlights in his dark hair could feel the thrum of the horn beneath his hands and knees though.

And he laughed again. It felt like a challenge in his dazed-out brain. Everything about the situation was fun and free and playful to him; after all, he felt like he was on top of the world for once in his life. How this stranger looked - her glowering glare, the cock of her brow as she continued to press down on the horn of her steering wheel – it felt like a challenge to that autonomy.

He'd show her.

Tilting his head in challenge, he simply smiled, close lipped, before he reached into the inner pocket of his white leather jacket and pulled out something. At first, she feared the worse. Eyes widening a smidge more into the near doe-eyed looked (that if he was being honest, he liked). Nari’s heart raced in her chest. What if it was a gun or something? Gun violence was rising in Korea again – enough that she carried pepper spray on her key chain and her sister had lectured her on safety. Surely, a couple of teenagers wouldn’t have a gun.

And she was right. It was certainly not a weapon, but the sight of it made her trickling fear roar into an anger once more. An anger that made her hands tremble, her nose scrunch. The type of anger that tempted her to jump out of her car right then and there.

He wouldn’t dare.

Quickly, with laughter tumbling from his lips again, the boy began to spray something on her car. Spray paint. Bright red spray painting spattered and dripped. A large X was drawn over her windshield, blocking part of her view.

The can must’ve been near-empty with how it sputtered and splattered about messily. He didn’t mind though, dropping it lazily off her car with a clank. Instead of standing like his friend had, he leaned closer, looking down at her through a mostly-unpainted part of her windshield. The smell of aerosol paint burned his nose pleasantly as he ran his tongue over the back of his teeth. Cocking his head, he raised his brows at her and smiled. Their eye contacted lasted a moment too long, her nose flaring with her anger.

What the actual fuck? What does she do? Did this really just happen? What could she do? Honking can’t fix any of this bullshit – he just ruined her car with paint. Nari’s mind was in a spin, fueled by her anger and bewilderment. They never taught you how to handle a teenager spray painting your windshield – while you were behind the wheel – at driving school.

His boxy smile was prideful as he watched her anger blur into wide eyed shock. He had won. Won what? He – and she – didn’t know; he just knew he felt good. It felt good to cause trouble.

The shaggy, green-tipped hair man slid off her car with little grace considering how high or drunk he must’ve been. He offered her a wink of his eye before he began to turn away to join his other delinquent friends. She then noticed the truck that was blocking the way – T-boning the traffic to a stop.

Nari never handled her anger well – never could let an argument end without her having the last word. Without much thought (except that they were retreating), the teenage girl rolled down her window. The smell of aerosol paint lingered in the air, a sharp reminder (besides the huge fucking ‘X’ on her car) of what just happened. Leaning her head out, watching as her vandal slung his arm around the shoulders of a staggering boy, one wearing a black leather jacket and had minty blue hair, she decided with how bad her day was that it couldn’t get worse.

“Fuck you,” Nari shouted at them.

The spray paint boy heard a feminine voice pierce through the horns and shouts of his friends and looked back over his shoulder. Leaning out of the car he had climbed upon and spray painted was the driver girl with the angriest scowl on her face and a middle finger brandished towards him. He laughed, letting his older friend tug him along towards the large black truck that was blocking the way.

Taehyung felt alive.

“The cops are on their way!” Another driver with their window down cried out, spurring the boys to begin to run.

Nari watched as the black truck, a new black truck with mud already on its big wheels, revved up and reeled around to being to drive off. Tires squealed as the boys ran alongside it. Some hopped up onto the open bed of the truck as it drove past. Others who were stumbling drunk ran alongside it. Nari noticed how the license plate was covered up. Someone in that group of delinquents had a brain cell it seemed. (Just one though.)

Nari was a smart girl – she studied often; she worked at her part-time job dutifully. But she was frustrated. Angry and stressed and frightened. She wanted to yell into the open air. She wanted them not to get away with it. Because she knew those fools would get away with this. It was late; they had hidden their license plate; they were driving away.

She knew it was stupid what she wanted to do – but this was the straw that broke the camel’s back for her. Nari was going to follow them. She was going to give them a piece of her mind, something!

When traffic began to move (after all, the car that had been the problem was gone), she was zooming in the direction the truck went. All Nari could focus on was finding that stupid fucking truck. Tonight.

Admittedly, she didn’t know how she found the car sitting in the dark near the train tracks. Maybe it was fate or stupid luck. But she couldn’t stop the cheer of triumph leaving her lips. Because it had taken an hour. An hour of driving about, keeping her eyes peeled for a black car in the dark of night. The entire drive only fueled her anger. Every time she saw that stupid ‘X’ covering her driving vision, all she could feel was a rush of rage. Seven idiots. They couldn’t have gone far – they hadn’t. The moment she spotted the muddy side road with the hint of tire tracks, she had to check.

Nari was sure her mother was worried sick. Her shift had ended hours ago; it was past curfew on a school night. She had heard her phone buzzing on and off all night in her backpack in her trunk until it went quiet – probably running out of battery life. At this rate, she knew she was going to be grounded, but if she was going to already by punished, she was going to succeed in her self-given mission: giving these assholes a piece of her mind.

The dark road gave way to a large clearing – with shipping containers scattered about. A warm glow shined against the matte varnish of the containers. There was a half-made camp in front of the dark black truck (that still had its license plate covered). And there were seven boys lounging about the campfire, lulling into sleepiness from fading drunkenness and/or highs.

Taehyung, sporting his ivory-white leather jacket still, had been munching on a bag of chips he’d stolen from Jungkook’s backpack. Namjoon, now wearing his baseball cap low over his pink hair, fiddled with the logs in the fire, nudging them this way and that way with a long stick. Jungkook, bundled up in a soft (and not-at-all-threatening) sweater, was resting his head on Hoseok’s lap, feet propped up on Yoongi’s lap. Yoongi – with his mint hair messy – was fiddling with his lighter, the flame bittersweetly licking his thumb’s skin with every ignition. Hoseok’s once eager face was now exhausted as he stared into the fire sleepily while Jimin with orange hair tossed rocks into the fire, lightly laughing whenever he managed to knock into Namjoon’s stick. Seokjin – the get-away driver – was going through the photos he had taken earlier that day with his new polaroid camera. Some were good; others were shit; it was difficult to take photos when they were all collectively drunk or high or even just buzzed off the energy of each other. He sighed occasionally as he dropped one into the crackling fire – watching as the flame licked away at the image of Yoongi and Hoseok’s blurred figures.

There was a comfortable cozy air around them even with the chill of the spring midnight creeping in. They almost didn’t hear the other car pull up they were so comfortable, but the bright headlights did catch Taehyung’s attention.

“Woah, woah, woah, shit,” the boy mumbled out in shock as he spotted the new figure approaching their hideaway. Even in the back light of the headlights, he recognized her. And the car in the distance – with the large ‘X’ on its windshield – yeah, he recognized that.

“Fuck!” Taehyung cursed out as he scrambled and stumbled over the broken concrete slab they were sitting on.

“Tae, what’s wrong?” Jungkook queried, brows pinching together until he followed the older boy’s gaze.

Anyone could tell she was angry. It was clear in the way her fists were curled up and the way she was stalking up to them. Fuck, without even knowing who she was, they all were quick to be careful. Especially with Taehyung’s coward-ish behavior. The group of boys moved to try to get up – Jungkook’s feet kicked against Yoongi’s hand as he moved; Jimin reached out to shake at the still hazy Hoseok. They had to run, run, run.

“Oh no way, not this time!” Nari growled out.

She was quick, running up to the group before anyone could go anywhere. Even more, she grasped Taehyung by the wrist – no way could she forget his face nor his way too shaggy hair with the green tips.

“Hey, what the hell is wrong with you, huh?” Nari bit out, struggling to keep a grasp on the squirming man.

Another man – with a baseball cap on – tugged him out of her grasp. This guy was tall, lanky even, with pink and bleached hair spilling out from the sides of his hat. Her glare shifted to him. Namjoon didn’t flinch from it, but he did let out a breath. Her eyes were burning with rage. What the hell did Taehyung do? This couldn’t be a scorned girlfriend or one night stand – Taehyung didn’t do that.

“It was just for fun; I’m so sorry,” Taehyung apologized immediately; fear flickering over his face.

“Fun?” she repeated incredulously, taking another step towards him. “You fucking spray painted my car.” Taehyung quickly scampered to hide behind Namjoon, gripping onto his forearm. Her teeth bared in her frustration as he repeated a quiet “I’m sorry” again.

It was almost funny to Namjoon. Taehyung was a delinquent. A “jail bird” even. He ran from cops, flipping them off every other day. Yet here was a teenage girl yelling at him, and he didn’t have the balls to argue back. He was raising his hands in surrender.

Where was his ego now, she wanted to ask? Where was the challenge in his eyes? This guy was so different from the bastard who spray painted her car. Nari continued to glower up at Namjoon and Taehyung.

Never, ever, did Taehyung expect her to find him. Especially with the high and alcohol out of his veins. The liquid courage of drugs and too much strawberry soju was gone and now all that was left was a tired sixteen-year old boy who didn’t want to fight. Taehyung hated fighting with a passion. He’d rather run.

“It’ll wash off,” Namjoon countered, trying to soothe Nari.

His lanky form gave off an aura – as if he was bulkier and stronger than he was; maybe, more mature. Taehyung was partially covered by him, peering over at the crazy girl who followed them. Namjoon’s brows raised up pleadingly; his hands rose up as if calming a frightened animal.

How the hell were these the same boys who made a traffic stop to cause chaos? In fact, they were all looking at her like she was the wild one. Was she in an alternate universe or something?

“You didn’t answer my question,” Nari snapped, looking over at Taehyung again. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What do you want us to say, huh?” the mint-haired guy called from his spot. He looked oddly at peace with the situation, minus the loud yelling. He was sitting, lounging back on his forearms. “We were stupid?” he offered, as if there was nothing else to say.

“And high,” a smaller voice piped up – the orange haired boy, Jimin. He – at least – looked concerned about the situation.

“You were assholes,” she corrected. “It wasn’t just me you screwed over. You’re lucky no one else had the fucking time or balls to follow you. You’re lucky the police couldn’t be damned with tracking you done because you covered your license plate. Next time, take your “fun” and shove it up your asses. Some of us can’t afford to fix the things you fucking damage.” She pointed harshly at Taehyung. “Next time you feel like playing God, go play on the train tracks or some shit.”

They were promptly shut up by her. Namjoon and Taehyung had been in jail before – for fights and vandalism charges. Jungkook often was in fights – even if the others didn’t know. They weren’t exactly a weak group. They weren’t even particularly good kids; they caused more chaos than good-will. It was fun for them.

But never did they have someone follow after them and tell them off. Never did someone ever stand up against them so valiantly. Their mouths were open in shock. There was a bit of credit that had to be given to the mystery girl – even if she was acting crazy.

Nari let out a breath. It felt great to yell; she had wanted to yell at the top of her lungs the entire day if she was being completely honest. Her chest heaved a bit as she glared at the group of shell-shocked boys.

With adrenaline and elation still pumping through her veins, she took a step forward. Taehyung gripped Namjoon’s arm a bit. Frightened… as if she was going to harm him. Namjoon’s gaze hardened despite the internal panic racing through him. Shit, was he going to have to fight a girl? He never wanted nor had fought a girl before! He didn’t want to.

Yet all Nari did was reach down for a blanket resting on the ground, dirt tumbling from the fabric as she shook it out. The group’s glare became curious. Silence overtook them; the only noise in the air was the crackling of the fire and the hum of her engine idling.

“What are you doing?” One of the boys piped up, his voice indignant but fairly weak. She didn’t even glance at him.

Stepping up onto her car tire, she wiped at the red paint, smearing it about. Trying to haphazardly fix it. The paint had mostly dried by now, but it still smeared and smudged onto the green blanket. She worked at the paint more around the vision of the driver, but it was still futile. Her windshield looked like a murder scene, but she hoped it’d get her home safer than the ‘X’ would’ve. A few moments passed between them as she finished her work.

Hopping down from the tire, Nari tilted her head, a mimicry of how Taehyung looked at her earlier tonight as he spray-painted her car. She stalked back over to them, looking far less angry after her “revenge” and yelling fit. Lazily, she dropped the paint-covered blanket in front of them.

“There,” Nari muttered out.

There was one of the men who looked offended. His brows crinkled up in the middle of his forehead, his nose crinkling with them. She looked each one of them in the eye. While most were simply staring – still with a partially surprised look, some didn’t. The man in the soft blue sweater looked terrified with the biggest doe eyes she’s ever seen. The orange haired boy looked equally intimidated with his soft- looking eyes and plump lips pouting a bit. Another was glancing away, biting his lip. The one with mint hair stared at her with unaffected eyes. Pink hair and Spray Paint boy were still close together, staring at her in surprise.

She huffed, her hands unraveling from her fists.

“If I ever see you do this shit again, I will call the police or kick your asses or something,” she muttered out, pointing fiercely. Her threat admittedly was half-hearted. Nari wasn’t a fighter – an arguer, an angry person perhaps. But she wouldn’t harm anyone. Her hands were red with spray paint smudges; the red paint smeared onto her hoodie haphazardly.

There was an odd rush of power – probably similar to how Taehyung felt earlier in the night – doing this. Standing up for herself. But as soon as she turned away, as soon as the adrenaline began to wear off with each calming breath and step she took, things changed in her head.

Her heart raced. She just told seven guys she’d beat them up. What if they call the police on her? Her skin was burning hot in the cold night hair as she trekked back to her car. Her keys were still in the ignition, the engine rumbling low. All she did was hop in, a shaky breath leaving her as she looked on through her red tinted windshield. With headlights in their eyes, she saw the seven boys glancing between each other. Their mouths moved faintly, but with her door shut with a firm slam she couldn’t make out the words.

All she knew was that she had done what she had done. And it was time to get the hell out of here. Oddly enough, she was similar to them – running away after bold actions. Maybe that’s why there was an odd reverence in the boys’ eyes as she shifted her car into reverse and pulled out onto the dirt road to get onto the main highway.

“What the fuck was that?” Nari breathed out, elation and anxiety clashing together in a whirlwind.

Little did she know, Taehyung – staring after her car – murmured the same exact thing with a far different tone.

#i need u #bts au #hyyh au #kim taehyung fic #kim seokjin fic #taehyung x oc #seokjin x oc #bangtan universe au #yoongi x jungkook #bts hurt/comfort #bts hyyh fic #bts ff #bts fanfiction

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poison-rat · 4 years ago

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For the ask thing: intrulogical! P.s. I love your work

Thank you!! I havent written a proper fic in like a year but Im just itching to write lately.

I love Intrulogical so much but my wife doesmt ship them so I never get to talk about it.

Logan and Remus are both chaos but in different ways. This will also borrow from my human AU. I have set ships in it, it is its own thing I may try to write for, but I like using the characterisation Ive made.

Who is the most affectionate?

Remus loves PDA. Hes always holding onto/draped over/sitting on Logan in one way or another. Always dropping sloppy kisses on his face or yelling that he loves him, despite Logan sitting right next to him.

He feels shy in front of other people, but in private, Logan is just as much all over Remus. Hes not nearly as vocal about it, but he also enjoys leaning against him or kissing his cheek or lays with his head in Remus' lap. Its a silent affection and Remus loves it all the same.

Who initiates the handholding?

Remus typically. Loves PDA, again. But Logan will sometimes reach over and just... hold.

Who worries more for the other?

Logan doesnt try to show it, but hes always worried about Remus. He always worried Remus is going to embrace the wrong intrusive thought and hurt himself somehow.

Who is more likely to ask for help?

Logan for sure. He understands that he doesnt know everything and is more than happy to stop and ask for directions when theyve passed the same gas station and souvenir shop 3 times. Remus says would rather die than ask for help, but even he can admit when he needs it, and will typically only ask Logan for help, or maybe Janus.

Who is the one always losing the keys?

Remus loses everything. If he doesnt have it attached to him, its gone. Hes gone through six pairs of sunglasses while on a vacation, has his phone on a stretchy lanyard when hes out and about (and a good phone insurance in case rhe lamyard falls off), and his keys are on a locking carabiner on his belt loop because the dealership wont give them another set. They really shouldnt have give him the extra 4 that that did.

Logan will lose small things like books or his glasses and occasionally his phone, but he always finds them. His keys stay hung up on a hook by the door and Remus isnt allowed to touch them.

Who leaves little love notes for the other?

Logan loves to leave post its everywhere. Not just love notes, but reminders for himself and Remus. The notes are all the sort of generic, "I love you!" and, "Remember to commit atrocities against your fellow man!" and Remus steals them all and keeps them in his pillowcase. Its extremely impractical because he has a tendency to pull the pillowcase off with his tossing and turning, but he manages to keep the notes in. Logan will sometimes find more vulgar notes left for him, but also some that say, "Hey nerd, youre cute," or similar, and he hides them in his books for safekeeping.

Who can’t sleep unless the other is there?

Both sleep fairly well on their own. Logan wakes more easily without him there. Remus is a sprawling bed hog, so he doesnt typically notice when Logan isnt there.

Who is more likely to propose to the other?

Logan has been planning it for a long time. He wants things to go according to his plan, but he forgets to factor in that Remus is erratic and unpredictable. He loves that about Remus but its frustrating to his logical brain. Eventually, when he does propose, its out of the blue, in the middle of a crowd, and he doesnt make a big deal of it. Its unpredictable just like his boyfriend. Remus screams in joy, effectively scaring the shit out of many nearby, and of course says yes.

Who introduced the other to their family first?

(Borrows from AU. Remus has an okay relationship with Roman and his mom, Remus being the younger twin, Logan has a tense relationship with his absent parents. All of the sides live in the same house near a college most of them attend.)

Remus met Logan when he and his brother were living together, so Roman knew about Logan the entire time. When Remus told him they were dating, Roman was thrilled for him and also teased him a lot. His mom also knew about Logan the whole time, and when she found out, the first thing she did was ask Roman when he was gonna get a boyfriend, that its improper to marry off the younger child first. She loves Logan and is so happy for her son.

Logan doesnt talk to his parents often. Theyre busy with their business, he knows that. In fact, he doesnt even tell them hes dating someone until theyre getting married. His mom acts all upset that he didnt tell her, but he doesnt believe her. They congratulate him, and thats about it. The nanny that raised him, she's absolutely thrilled and so happy for the two. Shes known about Remus since Logan starred to develop a crush and he called her in the middle of the night to ask for advice. She meets him in person a bit before their wedding.

Who is more likely to play with the other’s hair?

Remus is a tactile person. He loves to touch and play. When he doesnt have a fidget toy, he demands Logan's hair. Its difficult to read and also not doze off when someone is playing with his hair, but he tries.

Logan also plays with Remus' hair because its long and a bit wild. He mostly does it when he needs to help Remus brush it out, but when Remus is sitting in his lap with his head om his chest, Logan cant help as his hand just wanders up and starts carding through his hair. Remus melts every time, touch starved and desperate for affection.

Who makes sure the other has meals/stays hydrated?

Both of them are terrible at keeping up with needs. Logan will get into a focus and just not remember the world around him until Remus sets a sandwich and a glass of water down next to him. Hes very grateful. Remus is more an active person, so he'll be running around causing chaos, typically with Janus or Virgil and occasionally Roman, and Logan will make sure he has something when he gets home, because Logam cant focus on anything but making sure Remus is okay when hes gone.

Who is more likely to stand up to anyone for the other?

Remus will defend Logan to the death. Whether it be he has to throw hands or yell at someone, he'll do it. Logan is forever glad to have Remus in his life because he is a very passive person.

Who is the most likely to prepare a surprise for the other?

Remus' surprises are not always safe for work, but he loves to just... have a surprise waiting for Logan at any given moment.

Who makes the other pinky promise not to do certain things?

They both agree the pinky promise is the best way to do things for them. Its childish like Remus likes, and feels a little official like Logan likes.

Who puts a blanket over the other when they fall asleep on the couch?

Janus does because they both just fall asleep draped over each other. Logan doesnt like to sleep anywhere but his bed and Remus will sleep anywhere, and always while laying on top of Logan so he has no choice but to stay there. He denies a blanket, saying hes gonna get up in a bit, but he never does.

#intrulogical #sanders sides #raccoon.ask #oblivionartworks #i LOVE these #i def rambled on some but again i never get to talk about them

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danniburgh · 4 years ago

Text

hello my friends; i just wanna say some words.

first of all i wanna say that you’re not under any obligation to read this lol but, just so you know a lil bit about me and my blog and my... motives.

so; after turning off anon again, and this time i think im gonna leave it off for more time, i sat and thought about why i keep writing and why i keep interacting here... and the conclusion was that, because its fun! not every person i find on this site, not every mutual i make or friend i talk to will try to dissect all my titles and my tags and try to use me as a punching bag for their frustrations and their fears.

im gonna hang around a little bit more.

look; i dont know why some people do what they do and forget kindness and honesty and communication is a thing and start attacking at the first sign of something polemic; im not honey over pancakes (a pear soaked in syrup, golden coin, whatever) either, im just vibin’ on a blog thats over ten years old, writing about characters that i fell in love with and damn, giving my opinion on whats going on here; some people vibe with me and some others dont and that is completely fine and understandable.

what is NOT fine is using me and my own opinions and my blog as a place to blow steam off from your own insecurities; LESS while hiding behind an anonymous mask and calling me names and calling my friends names when you really dont know me; or pretending to be my friend so you can get things from me and start throwing crap around to block me after and making me cry (too specific, sorry).

the people that have been following me for these six months know that i just dont take shit, and me not taking shit means me not taking the anons seriously and pushing people that dont make me happy away. Ive always tried to be kind to people and ive always tried to make my blog and my dm’s a safe space, people that have talked to me might have opinions about that, idk what those are, but really, im just a 23 year old woman trying to enjoy things while being kind to others.

if ive ever been not kind to you, please tell me and we can work it out, or unfollow me and move on; but i wont stand for any more hate bc it doesnt do good to anyone.

and im gonna stay here anyway.

#no one asked dani #about my blog #this feels good and liberating oh god #i might cry a bit just to close this cycle

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morwensteelsheen · 4 years ago

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Do you have any advice for someone who wants to write Éowyn x Faramir fanfic in a way that remains authentic to who they are/how Tolkien envisioned them? Of all the fics I’ve read on this pairing, yours just stands out to me as being most in character, whether you’re writing them in Middle Earth or a modern!au. I agree with you about Faramir being gentle but NOT a crybaby and Éowyn not a loose cannon and actually somewhat frosty! Any advice you have would be appreciated. Cheers!

bro... 🥺❤️ that is so kind of you, thank you so much!!!! Like holy moly I am going to be riding high on that compliment all week hahaha, i’m giddy thinking about it.

i’ve been fretting about how to answer this question because i think i still struggle quite a bit with their characterisations. also i’m terrible at framing advice, so i’m going to try and answer this by giving my interpretations of certain things and how that effects how i write about them, and hopefully that will be helpful? also i’m so sorry, this is literally 6,000 words, this totally got away from me.

To start quite generally, i think it’s super helpful to realise that almost all of the characters in LOTR are devoid of any significant internal life because the book is structured as a retelling of historical events to frodo, which are later written down and then “translated” by tolkien. unless a character is explicitly telling frodo/someone else what they’re thinking, we don’t really know what’s going on in there (except éowyn and i’ll come back to this later). But the other reason we don’t really get a sense of most characters’ internal lives is because they function as, essentially, heroic/fantastical archetypes and responses to other elements of literature. People tend to shy away from this because of this weird postmodern backlash against tropes, but it’s, i feel, extremely important to remember that these characters aren’t in the books because they’re fully-fleshed out human beings, they’re there because tolkien needed characters to fulfil certain narrative roles. this is not a value judgement, but acknowledging that’s what’s going on here is helpful for us as we try to figure out what these characters would be doing when canon doesn’t explicitly tell us what they’d be doing (or what they’d be doing in an au/a rewrite/whatever).

All this to say: all of these characters are born out of a specific literary and historical context, and i think in the first instance its suuuuuuuupa helpful to go back and figure out what that context is, because it helps you to build out a character profile in your head that feels true to character even when you’re operating in the great canon unknown.

Okay so for some general thoughts on each of the kiddos:

Éowyn

I’ll start with éowyn because i think i’ve spent the most time thinking about her lately and i feel like i’m finally starting to get in her head a little better. I’m not super confident in my take yet, but it’s getting there, i feel.

éowyn’s metatextual character history is really fascinating and really important for understanding who she is. éowyn is, essentially, a direct response to the character of lady macbeth and what tolkien saw as a massive disservice to her character at the end of the play. I had a much better pull quote from tolkien talking specifically about that, but i can’t seem to find it right now so you’ll have to use this really brief overview instead — sorry! I will update this if i come across the quote again.

understanding that foundation in lady macbeth, we can start to ask certain questions about éowyn vis a vis lady macbeth. What are the things that we know — in text — make lady macbeth and éowyn similar? Quite a lot, actually. They’re both ‘fully realised’ women (and i’ll come back to this in a sec), they’re both not naive about the mechanics of power — lady macbeth is a conniver, éowyn is left in control of a whole ass kingdom while the menfolk are away etc —, they’re both hindered by their gender (this is obvious for éowyn, but i HELLA recommend reading lady macbeth’s come you spirits/unsex me here speech and thinking about the relationship between womanhood and violence, especially in light of éowyn’s experience of battlefield violence and later decision to give it up to go be a hippie in ithilien), and they both have to deal with men being frustrating. I love and will defend théoden quite explicitly, but it’s important to realise that he did, in essence, fuck éowyn over entirely and abdiate on his familial responsibilities to her, before you even get to his abdication of duty to the crown etc.

The other big — very big, i feel — similarity between éowyn and lady macbeth is that they are both tremendously emotionally distant and restrained. But éowyn, unlike lady macbeth, is capable of camouflaging her emotional distance when necessary. Here, from ROTK, is a passage of crucial important to understanding éowyn:

‘Alas! For she was pitted against a foe beyond the strength of her mind or body. And those who will take a weapon to such an enemy must be sterner than steel, if the very shock shall not destroy them. It was an evil doom that set her in his path. For she is a fair maiden, fairest lady of a house of queens. And yet I know not how I should speak of her. When I first looked on her and perceived her unhappiness, it seemed to me that I saw a white flower standing straight and proud, shapely as a lily, and yet knew that it was hard, as if wrought by elf-wrights out of steel. Or was it, maybe, a frost that had turned its sap to ice, and so it stood, bitter-sweet, still fair to see, but stricken, soon to fall and die? Her malady begins far back before this day, does it not, Éomer?’

‘I marvel that you should ask me, lord,’ he answered. ‘For I hold you blameless in this matter, as in all else; yet I knew not that Éowyn, my sister, was touched by any frost, until she first looked on you. Care and dread she had, and shared with me, in the days of Wormtongue and the king’s bewitchment; and she tended the king in growing fear. But that did not bring her to this pass!’

‘My friend,’ said Gandalf, ‘you had horses, and deeds of arms, and the free fields; but she, born in the body of a maid, had a spirit and courage at least the match of yours. Yet she was doomed to wait upon an old man, whom she loved as a father, and watch him falling into a mean dishonoured dotage; and her part seemed to her more ignoble than that of the staff he leaned on.

‘Think you that Wormtongue had poison only for Théoden’s ears? Dotard! What is the house of Eorl but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among their dogs? Have you not heard those words before? Saruman spoke them, the teacher of Wormtongue. Though I do not doubt that Wormtongue at home wrapped their meaning in terms more cunning. My lord, if your sister’s love for you, and her will still bent to her duty, had not restrained her lips; you might have heard even such things as these escape them. But who knows what she spoke to the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all her life seemed shrinking, and the walls of her bower closing in about her, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?’

Emphasis my own.

there’s a whole hell of a lot going on here, but i’m going to try and boil it down to a couple main things:

1. gandalf and aragorn immediately see misery in éowyn, but they are both very good at reading people. faramir (later, in the steward and the king) also senses the misery, but he is explicitly talented at reading people, and even he takes a while to fully understand what’s going on in her head

2. Éomer, who éowyn feels obligation and duty to (both as her brother, but also her superior in rank) has no idea that éowyn is suicidal. he knows she’s not happy, but he thinks it’s not until aragorn shows up that she finally becomes despondent and is amazed to hear that that’s not the case, to which gandalf responds, essentially: you weren’t meant to know, she was working with a will of steel to hide her emotions from you because she wanted to protect you from it. So éowyn is well versed at controlling her emotions when she needs to, and is not prone to showing them where she doesn’t want to.

3. Gandalf describes éowyn first as wrought from steel (which, short of an incredibly hot fire, is not easy to break), and then amends it to say that she is made of ice. Ice, compared to steel, is far easier to melt. Maybe inadvertently on tolkien’s behalf, i think this speaks to the nature of éowyn and faramir’s relationship — first she is melted by fire (battle, the witch-king, etc) and the she is warmed by the sun (faramir! Minas anor! The winter has passed, etc).

4. Earlier i said the characters in lotr don’t really have a huge internal life, except for éowyn. This is where that comes in: éowyn, we are supposed to understand, has a really intense internal life, because her mind is really all she has. We are meant to understand that she’s got a lot going on internally, but there is a very specific reason we’re not privy to it. That’s important to think about.

what this does is widen the gulf between what éowyn’s thinking and feeling, and what she’s actually saying and doing. If you’re writing (as i tend to prefer) in a way that deals with her inner life quite intensely, building that gap up is much easier to do. She’s going to have a lot of thoughts, and almost all of them are going to be hindered by either other people’s expectations of her, or her own expectations of herself. And that’s going to cause problems for her — maybe not always throwing-herself-at-death level problems, but certainly problems.

so there’s that. Then i think there’s a lot to be said for widening the net on éowyn inspirations. I’ve looked to joan of arc (which i kind of hinted at here) quite a bit. I feel like the joan of arc comparison is easy to understand so i wont waste too much time on it, though i will say i’d actually recommend reading catholic interpretations of joan of arc, not later protestant Girlboss interpretations because i think those miss the point of joan of arc entirely.

I was going to try to comment more on the gender element but i feel like i’m not on great footing with that yet so i will leave that to the side for now.

Faramir

tbh i was kind of dreading getting to this because i still find it exceptionally hard to get into his head, so wish me luck lol

I’m going to be a total bore and recommend you check out this article. Bear in mind that that was written by a dude at the citadel so it’s going to stray into the realm of Military Brain at points, but i think it’s a worthwhile read anyways.

ah christ, faramir. okay. cowabunga.

faramir, more so than aragorn, is the platonic ideal of a romantic hero. Both in the genre sense (as in, romance novels) and in the sense of the artistic movement of romanticism, i know i’ve said exactly this before but it’s worth reiterating. I’ll start with the romantic influence and then go onto the romance.

So the romantic movement is a really important intellectual, cultural and political movement, and you will have to forgive me because i am only loosely a modernist and more a contemporary historian, and not at all an expert in literature or art history, so this is going to be, like, a 101 level understanding of what was going on.

The romantic movement is kicked off as a reaction to both the emphasis on rationality and quantifiability promoted during the enlightenment, and the bourgeois economic revolutions (this is the french revolution, mostly, but the later revolutions across the european continent in 1848 and the kickstarting of the industrial revolution in england). Romanticism was, essentially, a return to intense emotionality, reverence for nature, and appreciation of that which is, ultimately indefinable. Not necessary for writing a fanfic, but reading about the idea of the sublime is kind of a fun rabbit hole to go down if you’ve got time to spare.

A lot of present day writers will talk about the romantic movement as a break with the past, which is, i guess, kind of true, but is also not really true. The romantic movement — as much as the enlightenment — took its inspiration and logical from classic art and thought. But it interpreted the classics differently to the enlightenment. Whereas the enlightenment era thinkers were fascinated by the rationality and mathematical precision of the greeks and romans, the romantics were more interested in their emotional liberty, and the epic (in the truest sense of the word) shows of emotion and experiences of human life.

but what does this mean for faramir? A lot!

The first time we’re introduced to faramir (if not in name) is in fotr, when boromir talks about the destruction of the bridge at osgiliath, when he describes an epic story of war and heroism, wherein only four total people survive swimming from the bridge: two unnamed others, boromir, and faramir. right from the off we know that, if nothing else, he’s not a limp-wristed little lordling, he has the fortitude to survive what few others can.

Then, barely half a breath later, we get a description of faramir’s premonition, the fact that it came to him repeatedly, and that he immediately volunteered to go blues clues his way through it. We get the sense that he’s a guy who doesn’t back down from a challenge. And then faramir goes away for a while, until two towers, when we meet him again in the brilliance that is ithilien. And here i’m going to go back to our friend from the citadel for some interesting character insight:

the rangers under the command of Faramir are armed with long bows, giving them the capability to wage war over distances greater than most of their foes. This is the same type of warfare deemed cowardly and dishonorable by the chivalric knights, but is far more effective and less perilous than the face-to-face [...] This tactic also reveals Faramir to be a conscientious leader, minimizing the risk to his subordinates while maximizing their effectiveness in battle. Faramir was considerate of the risk he put his men to and sacrificed the idea of glorious face-to-face combat in favor of a weapon system that would be less desirable in the eyes of men such as Boromir, but also much more efficient. [...] Using camouflage and stealth, the warriors un d er Faramir's command set themselves apart from all other military units besides the elves in The Lord of the Rings and ultimately align themselves more closely with the soldiers of modern warfare than with the ancient heroes prevalent in the work of Tolkien.

Okay enough of the military history because it’s soul-crushingly boring, but the gist is that faramir is, (whatever else he is) a very unique figure. Taking this as a value neutral statement, we get the sense, before we even hear him own to it himself, that he’s a man apart from the rest. I think it’s important also to think about the extent to which he is situated as a part of nature when we first meet him, even if we later know that he is from this big, awful stone city, we are meant to immediately associate him with nature. And not nature in a primitive sense, i’d argue, but nature in the romantic sense, where it speaks to the beauty of creation etc etc etc

Then there’s the bright sword speech, which im not going to say anything on because cleverer people than me have dealt with it much more efficiently, but i would say that the takeaway from that, besides that he loves peace yada yada yada, is that he likes talking about peace. He has opinions on the war, perhaps even a controversial opinion, and by god, he wants people to know it. So thinking about what that level of immediate and almost impolitic honesty says about him is worth thinking about as you try to write him.

Later, we get to see faramir in the white city, and what we see is that he’s kind of a drama queen! I say this lovingly, but it does correspond to him going off on one immediately about how the war sucks ass and how he’s above it and how all the other people of middle earth are shit, including his own, and how much better life was In Númenor (which is, essentially, the crux of a lot of romantic poetry. And my headcanon of faramir’s connection to romantic poetry is here).

The other thing we learn in the white city is that faramir is very aware of himself as a person, and is actively altering whatever his base inclinations are to fit his desired personality. Here’s what i said in a comment on swaddledog’s excellent hearts and minds:

When Denethor hits him with the "ever your desire is to appear lordly and generous as a king of old, gracious, gentle," he's not saying it because he thinks that sort of behaviour comes naturally to Faramir but because he knows he has to work really, really hard at it. I think inherent in that desire is also the failure — he tries, but sometimes he comes up short (often, even — that kiss on the wall wasn't exactly gracious and gentle!), and it's because he sometimes comes up short that Denethor knows it doesn't come naturally to him. And you get that perfectly, just so, so perfectly.

That gap between what faramir thinks he is and whats to be versus what he actually is is very important for understanding him. Though, as i say, i really struggle with writing faramir, so it’s definitely not an easy thing to work into a fanfic.

I realise i’m probably not articulating this as well as i should, but that’s because dealing with faramir is a tremendous arseache for me, lol. I think basically my advice here is to familiarise yourself with a lot of these romantic figures and try to bear them in mind as you write. pierre bezukhov from war & peace actually fits quite closely to what i imagine young (as in, pre-ring war) faramir is like, with some necessary alterations for canon, and the fact that faramir seems like he’d be slightly more responsible than pierre. And certainly far, far, FAR more confident.

So that’s the romantic, and then there’s the romance. I saw a post a few months ago that identified faramir as, essentially, a love letter to women. And he totally is: he’s this fucking baller guerrilla warrior who quotes poetry and reads widely and falls in love deeply and sweeps a woman off her feet because he finds her beautiful and incredible and worthwhile even when she’s at her absolute worst. emotional intimacy is real, hallelujah! And so i think any time you’re writing faramir you’re going to have to keep that in mind, because he is this sort of breathless romantic. He’s a character that exists (inadvertently because tolkien couldn’t predict the future) to act, outwardly, as an antidote to the All Men Are Shit mindset. How much you actually keep him on that pedestal is up to you. I like to nuance his character with a bit more chaos, let him be a bit of a shameless flirt in his younger years, let him be so high and mighty in his romantic behaviour that he doesn’t realise that sometime éowyn just wants to fucking chill, that sort of thing.

There are lots of other character moments that stick out to me that i dont want to say a huge amount about, but will instead link to this incredible meta about faramir’s númenóreaness, with the disclaimer that dealing with that sort of capability in any serious way scares the shit out of me, so i have mostly just Pretended I Can’t Read every time i think about it, except for a super brief reference at the end of this fic.

Okay onto the meat of this (oh my god, i’m so sorry for how long this is)

Faramir + Éowyn = true love

Before i start, i just want to point out that in terms of seeing their relationship, we only really get it in the steward and the king, which is significant for a lot of reasons. For one because tolkien got a huge amount of shit for how quickly they fell in love (people accused it of being war-bride stuff, which typically was not a great arrangement for those involved) — tolkien himself said ‘shut the fuck up dude’ to that, and this is probably because tolkien married his wife, edith, right before he went off to war. I’ll come back to that in a sec because it’s important.

The other reason it’s important is because the steward and the king features some of the most consistent lofty and high-fantasy prose of the entire series. Tolkien does this magical thing where he weaves high brow purple prose in with deeply casual, familiar (for the early 20th century) vernacular, and to great effect. And he does this for a reason, he wants to create the sense of this deeply developed, fantastical world that extends well outside the bounds of what we are allowed to see in text while also allowing us the rhetorical space to relate to the characters we see. It is, then, significant that there is almost none of the “low-brow” vernacular speech in the steward and the king. It means tolkien’s got all thrusters on full, so to speak, in terms of the romance. He wants to evoke arthurian romances, courtly/chivalric love, the sort of fated-by-the-stars love that nobody would think to deny because of the time constraints because it seems so abundantly obvious that this love is Meant To Be.

But that’s just what he’s doing tonally. In terms of content, he’s weaving a more complex picture.

We’ll start with the obvious. Emotionally, both éowyn and faramir are at their worst. Sort of. éowyn’s worst might have been when she did her suicide run on the pelennor in terms of self-destructiveness, but i think her real low point is actually when she wakes up in the HoH, basically immobilized, prevented from dying, and now aware she’s going to have to do the One Thing she refused to do, which is watch everybody she loves go off to die, and then sit about and wait for her own death. faramir, meanwhile, went off to a hopeless battle (expecting to die) after mouthing off at his father, then wakes up to find out he’s not only alive, but the only surviving member of his family (for some reason! because don’t forget gandalf is very clear that he shouldn’t find out about denethor’s death until Later), is now the fucking steward of gondor, and also this mythical king is Back. also he too has to sit around and wait for death. So emotionally neither of them are doing too great.

Their first impressions of one another are very important.

faramir, of éowyn: “and he turned and saw the Lady Éowyn of Rohan; and he was moved with pity, for he saw that she was hurt, and his clear sight perceived her sorrow and unrest.”; “He looked at her, and being a man whom pity deeply stirred, it seemed to him that her loveliness amid her grief would pierce his heart.”

So he knows who she is, and he can see that she’s physically hurt, but also can see she’s feeling all kinds of fucked up. And the first emotion he feels is pity. He’s assessing her in terms of pain and sorrow, and all of these sorts of emotions éowyn seems desperate to divorce herself from. And he offers her pity. That’s significant.

éowyn, of faramir: “she looked at him and saw the grave tenderness in his eyes, and yet knew, for she was bred among men of war, that here was one whom no Rider of the Mark would outmatch in battle.”

She doesn’t know who he is, not really, but she does immediately think he could kick ass. And that’s her first and only real assessment of him. That’s also significant.

And éowyn is miserable, and she’s so miserable she’s actually willing to openly talk about if (if only to a limited extent) and faramir does what is, I think, one of the most incredible things in the entire book. He functionally disarms her, lets her down gently, and places them on equal footing with a single joke:

‘What would you have me do, lady?’ said Faramir. ‘I also am a prisoner of the healers.’

There’s merit in interpreting this straight, but I actually think it's quite funny to relate the safety and security of a hospital in wartime to a prison, to a cage. And I think tolkien’s aware of this, and not really intending us to read it straight. What this does is soften éowyn up enough that she asks for what she wants, but also seems to make her more interested in dealing with him, even if she reacts badly to his compliment of her.

And then they fall in love, and whatever. The chapter’s there, there’s a million fanfics out there about it, whatever.

But faramir’s proposal is Big, and deserves thought for what it says about their relationship. People like to bitch about it because they take it to mean that éowyn has had to change all this stuff about herself, give up her desire to be a firebrand or whatever to go off and be a lovely prince’s wife in this noble hippie commune over those hills yonder. I think that’s totally wrong.

I think what’s going on in faramir’s proposal and éowyn’s response is a really fascinating illumination of the accord they’ve reached with one another through their (admittedly brief) courtship. Here’s why:

First, faramir tries to approach the conversation with a bit of subterfuge. Not in the weird negative way, just in that he’s not hitting it head on at the start. He obviously still doesn’t understand what’s going on inside her head fully, so tries to ask around the question (‘why aren’t you at the cormallen?’) instead of asking the question he’s obviously interested in. éowyn has no time for this, and tells him to nut up or shut up. And he does!

But then there’s this line:

But I do not offer you my pity. For you are a lady high and valiant and have yourself won renown that shall not be forgotten.

Two things going on here: one, faramir’s rescinding his initial emotional reaction. He felt pity for her, but has now come to know her well enough that he realises she doesn’t need pity, and isn’t dumb enough to try and force it on her. But the second thing, almost more important, is that he assesses her in the terms that she prefers, which is that she has won herself renown and has shown her valour. These are not the things Faramir values, we know this, that’s the whole point of the bright sword speech. But they are the things éowyn values, and he loves her, and is willing to acknowledge what her desired self image is. That’s a huge concession she’s won off him, that’s big.

And then éowyn responds:

I will be a shieldmaiden no longer, nor vie with the great Riders, nor take joy only in the songs of slaying. I will be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren.

here’s my potentially controversial take. I don’t think she’s giving up on her desire to be a fighter of some sort, but she’s giving up on some specific traditions, which is that of the mythical (but, let’s be clear, functionally nonexistent, save for éowyn) shieldmaidens, and of the riders of the Mark, who, as we have been told throughout the books, are given to valorising warfare and martial acts above all. This is supported by her saying “nor take joy only in the songs of slaying.” she’s not saying she won't take any joy in it, or that she won’t still praise it when it earns her admiration, but that’s not going to be her only raison d’etre anymore. Her life is going to move beyond the realm of death and killing and battlefield survival to growth and life and the future. That’s also a concession on her behalf.

And then there’s this hella romantic kiss on the walls, which is fucking brazen behaviour, but is also i think representative more of the unique situation than setting a trend for them. It is, i think, the positive equivalent of éowyn’s slaying of the witch king in terms of its uniqueness. In the same way that she’s not going to keep going around throwing herself headlong into fights she’s not meant to win, she’s also not going to be publicly playing tonsil hockey. This is the big moment, and then it’s back to the reserve from there.

Really, their entire relationship is, to me, about a series of negotiations. One culture and another, wives and husbands, old and new, war and peace, life and death, etc. they are similar in a lot of ways — both are intensely headstrong — but they’re similar primarily in character, not necessarily in belief, and so much of what they’re going to have to do as a pair is work to find their harmonious accord, if that makes sense. Sometimes they’ll do it peaceably, sometimes they’ll have blow up fights, but their entire relationship is going to be predicated on negotiating the space between, if that makes sense?

Okay i said i’d say some stuff on the relationship of tolkien and his wife edith to faramir and éowyn. Tolkien was adamant that they were beren and lúthien (that’s on their tombstones), and i’m full willing to grant him that. But i think it’s complicated by the fact that faramir is, in some senses, tolkien’s self-insert. Obviously authors can have stand-ins for their opinions without the character having to be them exactly (and i think there’s more merit certainly to saying that tolkien’s 100% self-insert is tom bombadil) but i think there’s something worth exploring to the connections between beren and lúthien and faramir and éowyn. I know the morality issue makes B+L more closely comparable to arwen and aragorn, but, as I argue for here, the mortality issue (or lifespan issue) isn’t totally alien to faramir and éowyn.

As i write them, there are some core themes i’m pretty consistently thinking about, so i’ll just list em here in case that’s any help to you.

Family

This would be: life after orphanhood, life as the last of a family, what your obligation to your family is, how you go on and have your own family after having had a less than ideal childhood, etc.

Duty

Here’s what I said about their differing approaches to duty in a now-abandoned draft chapter from willow cabin:

Faramir has said, not in as many words, that she should not begrudge him for following orders. This, she knows, is a crucial difference between them. They each hold duty above all other charges, but their interpretation of what exactly that means is different. It comes from the differences in power they wield: he has ever been empowered to change the course of decisions before they are made, while she is forced to react to them after. To him, then, it would be unreasonable to disobey direct orders, given that a failure to change them in advance is a reflection upon his skills, not the legitimacy of the command. She, however, has rarely had control over how and when orders are given, and so sees no inherent legitimacy to them, and thus no reason not to disobey orders that are unjustly given.

Time

As I alluded to above, éowyn is going to live a significantly shorter life than Faramir, and she is no doubt very aware of this. But this also means that they’re going to experience time differently, and that will have an impact on their behaviour. What might seem like foot-dragging to éowyn seems like impatience to faramir, etc

Healing

We never actually see faramir’s reaction to finding out denethor tried to burn him alive. That’s a lot. We have no idea if he knows when he proposes to éowyn. When does he find out? What does that do to his mood? Etc. but also, éowyn says she’ll become a healer — what does that really mean? Is she going to be nurse/doctor éowyn from now on? Will she broaden the definition of healing (for my part, i say yes, which is what i’ve been trying to do in willow cabin, though a little less successfully than i’d hoped)

Gender

This is a slightly less popular theme in the bookverse fics, but i think as part of éowyn and faramir’s relationship of negotiation, they’re going to have to deal with éowyn not feeling one hundo thrilled about being a woman. And i think that raises some interesting questions about what faramir’s response to that will be. men/manhood is often treated as the historical default — so what happens when someone like, say, éowyn, starts challenging the notion of gender and gender roles around faramir? How does he react? What does that do to his own self-image? Etc.

Okay. yes. That’s all i can think of right now. I am so, so sorry this is so long, i just totally brain dumped there. If you have any questions at all though please please do hit me up and i’m super happy to read whatever you’re writing (literally gagging for farawyn content rn lmao), if you’re comfortable sharing etc.

#oh my god this is ridiculously long i am SO sorry #asks #faramir #Éowyn

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angstysebfan · 5 years ago

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PR Stunt Gone Wrong - Chapter 8

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Summary: You are a fellow actress in the MCU, Bucky’s love interest. You met Seb during the CA: WS and you guys hit it off. Chemistry on and off the set, but never dated until after Infinity War. During filming of FATWS, the pandemic caused everything to shut down. Seb offered you to spend quarantine with him, but somewhere along the lines, things go wrong and Seb makes a PR decision.

A/N: I was going to to this in a Bucky story, but then I decided to keep it Seb. With everything going on with Seb over the last several months, I came up with this story in my head. Obviously a lot of this is made up, but it is using what we know Seb has been doing over the last several months.

Your grandfather passing hit you hard. You closed in on yourself and became almost numb. Seb was able to go with you to the cemetery this time, and held you as you watched your grandfather be buried. You decided not to stay with you mom this time and went straight back home to Seb’s apartment. When you got back you went and took a shower and climbed into bed and just stared at the ceiling.

Seb walked in to see if you were hungry, but you didn’t even answer. It was like you were in your own world, and that scared him. He thought leaving you alone for a little while would help, but when it was getting late and you hadn’t eaten, he became frustrated and felt helpless. He walked back into the bedroom, “Y/N, you have to eat something. I got you your favorite, please just eat something!” he begged.

You looked at him for a moment before resuming to stare at the ceiling. Seb sat next to you on the bed, sighing, “I know this has been a shitty month for you. I wish there was a way to make this all go away and for things to go back to normal. Just please don’t push me away. You have been so distant and quiet, and I...” he sighs again looking at you. You haven’t moved from your spot and continue to look up at the ceiling.

Seb leaves your food next to you before heading back downstairs. He doesn’t know how to make this better. He hates to see you like this and isn’t sure how long he can bear watching you like this. He knows that sounds selfish, but he just wants things back to normal. He sits at the counter and eats his food in silence, before walking into his office to write a little and speak to his agent about the upcoming months. He has a lot coming up and needs to make sure he has everything set and ready to go.

He gets a call from his PR agent to set up a Zoom meeting with a potential partner. He isn’t sure he wants to go ahead with the partnership, but he figures it wouldn’t hurt to talk. Once he is done with all his work, he heads back up to the room to see you curled in a ball on your side of the bed. He notices that you did eat, which makes him smile. He strips down to his boxers and climbs into bed, spooning you, kissing your shoulder. He smiles again when he feels you lean into him.

Over the coming weeks you started to act more like yourself, which made Seb very happy. One morning in early June you woke up with your head on his chest. You slowly tried to peel yourself away but he tightened his hold. You looked at him and saw him looking at you with a sleepy smile, “Where you running to?” he asked in his sexy morning voice. You smile and lean back into him, “I was going to go to the bathroom and then make us some food,” you say and he wraps his arm around you.

“No, stay here. Let’s just stay here for awhile,” he says. You look at him and notice an unknown emotion behind his eyes. You noticed it’s been there ever since his Zoom meeting a few days ago. “Is everything okay? I feel like something is wrong,” you ask. He pulls you in and kisses you, “I just want to lay here with you,” he says before kissing you again. You smile and nuzzle into his chest, “I love you,” you say. You swear you feel him tense up at the words, but he kisses you on the head in response.

Over the next few weeks you notice Seb acting weird. He goes from being cold one minute to wanting to be in your arms the next. He starts picking fights with you at random, and you never understand what he is thinking. He also never tells you he loves you anymore. Whenever you say to him, he answers with a smile and kiss. You feel the being stuck in quarantine might finally be getting to him, but you honestly hope this passes, and soon.

“I think I’m going to go to Spain next month,” he says nonchalantly one morning. You look up from the book that you are reading in shock. “Why?” you ask. He shrugs his shoulders, “I mean get out of here for awhile, see some people, and remember I said I was going to visit the kids,” he says. You put down your book and try to reign in on your emotions.

“Seb this is the absolute worst time to travel! In fact there are travel bans that stop people from the US going to Europe, and your going to go to Spain?” you say irritated. He is honestly not totally surprised by your response, “It’s for work, I wont be gone too long, you can come with me!” he says. You roll your eyes, “May I remind you I lost 2 family members to this shitty virus! Do you really think I am going to risk my life, as well as countless other people’s lives?” you ask.

Seb looks at you and realizes how stupid he is being. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I... I shouldn’t have even thought about it. I will cancel,” he says. You nod, but look at him unsure of how you are feeling toward him at this moment. He sighs defeatedly and walks over, squatting in front of you, “Forgive me? I wasn’t thinking. I just want things to be normal again, and I am sorry for being selfish,” he says brushing your hair back from your face.

It was honestly the first time he has touched you in a few days, so you melt into it. “Ok, I forgive you. I get it. I wish we could run away from here and go some place else, but not yet okay?” you say. He smiles and nods before walking into his office.

You watch him walk away and are not sure why you have this unsteady feeling in your gut. You feel like something is going to happen. Something bad.

Chapter 7 / Chapter 9

What’s going on with Seb? Get ready for the angst train people!! Feedback is appreciated.

Permanent Taglist: @hailmary-yramliah @tuiccim @comedictragedy @cap-n-stuff @thefridgeismybestie @swiftmind @aleaisntcreative @lookiamtrying @pinknerdpanda @morganclaire4 @iamvalentinaconstanza @verygraphicink @im-squished @joannie95 @peace-love-hobbitness @connie326 @arundhati1609 @amandamdiehl @harrysthiccthighss @its-izzys

Story Taglist: @5jacobm5 @thejemersoninferno @godohammers @adriannajackson @barikawho @uglipotata72829

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #seb

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yeoldontknow · 4 years ago

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❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

#check in tag

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dont-be-ugly · 4 years ago

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Having ADD, from an ADD person’s view

Okay

ADD sucks, but it’s super cool to write with

and when most people write with ADD, they use google

I am diagnosed with ADD, going on three years now, take no medication, and am sort of stereotypical with some details

One, I am genuinely messy, but organized

If you were to go through my room right now, to you it would be unreal.

stuff all over every surface, paint everywhere, nothing in its home.

Ask me to find a pair of scissors. It’ll look like I just whipped em out of my hair, that’s how messy my room is

I can clean though,I just mindlessly move things from their home.

I, personally, have higher anxiety than most. ADD stands for Attention Deficit Disorder, and is often confused with ADHD

Also diagnosed with a lovely ✨anxiety disorder✨

Lovely

Losing focus easily

Obviously, known as blackouts to people who don’t really know what it’s like to zone out

Staring into cyberspace is cool sometimes

Not hearing what you are saying half the time, but that’s because I simply can’t focus

Unsure of what I want or need

My answer is almost always ‘Yeah sure I don’t care’ MINDLESSLY

it sucks

Now, I have flare ups, which is why I currently have six drafts which are halfway done, but wont get finished, this being one of them

My flares include unable to focus on one thing for more than three hours maximum

No movies, I can’t just sit down and focus and end up replaying half the scenes, which frustrates me

high or low energy, right now it’s low

tiredness even though I slept eleven hours

trouble falling asleep

usually more irritated but that could be just me

mood swing galore

one minute I’m joking around and the next I’m low key mad

FORGETFUL

I CANT REMEMBER A DAMN THINGG

restless

100/10 could pass as insomniac, but I am, in fact, not (types that while it is 12:26 am)

impulsive? Check

bored easily

loss of hunger or gain of hunger

usually loss for me

im 5’6 150 pounds

and you’d be surprised of my age, yet I refuse to say

Well, I wish you luck with writing, reading, or just curiosity!

#add #Adhd #unable to focus #Why me #add!reader

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gamespritearchive · 4 years ago

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yes i like fullmetal alchemist brotherhood a normal amount (<- lying) this post is going to be long so open the readmore at ur own risk

ok this is genuinely going to be a mess because im really terrible at summarizing things and organizing my thoughts so if ur actually gonna read through this then good luck!

here are just some short thoughts before the longer paragraphs

- i absolutely LOVE the note that plays right after the alchemists clap their hands together that indicates that theyre abt to use alchemy. the sound of the clap + the note that plays is incredibly satisfying

- the strong and well-written female characters in this show was a really good touch and i loved how they brought them (izumi and olivier) together at the end :') also their beefy husbands together was super nice too

- my favorite part of the story was actually the part where ed and al go to briggs because thats wher they introduced olivier. it was super nice to see her talk about how strong-willed she is and her army and all of that

- lan fan is another example of a strong female character but a little less favorable since she serves ling yao. that doesnt make her any less cool though she was super badass and i definitely cried over her more than once

- the details in this show was really nice. alphonse's body being malnourished was something that seemed really obvious, but the fact that when ed got his right arm back it was noticeably less muscular and had longer nails than his left was such a good detail

- in the last episode there was a scene where alphonse made a dumb face that was animated just like how ed's faces looked and that made me really happy that we finally get to see al emote just like his brother :')

- im pretty sure i cried through the entirety of the last episode because being able to see the characters laugh and smile without feeling burdoned by anything after youve seen them go through repeated heartache and physical pain for 63 episodes is a super nice feeling

- "i'm a terrible father but i want to make you two proud" .

- "i'll give you half of my life and you give me half of yours" UGH

- also right after this when ed was laughing at how flustered winry got because normally hes the one who gets flustered :') that was so sweet

- i literally guessed that it was morse code whenever they showed selim banging on al's head because its like why would they put so much emphasis on that and let it go on for like 10 seconds without any music over it. this happened like multiple times too and i guessed it before they made it incredibly obvious bye im the smartest guy alive

ok heres where i talk more besties lets go

fmab was absolutely worth watching 64 episodes. i was convinced that i probably wont finish it because i have trouble finishing 12 episodes but as it may be obvious i got super invested. fmab being this long allowed there to be enough time to explain aspects of the story separately and to watch them all come together at some point. it also allowed for a ton of details that even though they're small, they're still important to the story. they rehash a lot of points because it was a simple detail that could get lost through the story but when its rementioned and you recall the time, it's such a nice feeling to have that click in ur mind.

also the character development was really good and ill get more in-depth about characters later but the length of this anime also allowed for a ton of really good character development. it ties into the whole thing where you learn about a characters backstory and you don't understand why it's important to the show until later on and then you're like ohhhh holy shit that makes sense now! also all that time for character development also lets you get attached to more than just the main characters and makes you care more about the role they play in the story.

roy mustang. at first i liked him, but when he started to speak about how he wanted to become the fuhrer president before he knew the military was corrupt, i assumed that he would just become as corrupt as bradley was ("starting wars for no reason"). i was convinced for the longest time that he would eventually just turn out to be the second bad guy and that nearly came true whenever he was trying to kill envy but riza helped him :) i loved the entirety of their relationship they're so sweet and compliment eachother so well. the scene where roy demonstrates the sheer amount of trust he has in riza's abilities by blindly (heh. he was blind during this if u didnt know.) following her directions and hitting their target ... it was just so good. also even though i didnt trust roy i thought he was super badass the sound of him snapping was always super satisfying as well

i almost want to rewatch fmab because it would be really nice to pick up on things that were later referenced in the anime. because of how long it is, its super easy to forget about things that happened early on in the anime (especially for someone with memory issues lol) so being able to watch back with the second half of the show still fresh on my mind would be almost an entirely different experience. the first thing that comes to mind is whenever we were shown kimblee in prison super early on. i know he had dialogue but i remember nothing about it because i was focused on thinking "literally who the fuck is this guy lol" but now i know. wow.

edward elric. im aware that this is going to be incredibly biased but i literally do not care. anyways. character development is always important and needed within a story but i genuinely feel like ed's character development was interesting to watch. it was never super obvious and his core values never changed. he did somewhat have a change in attitude when he nearly died to kimblee, but thats like expected you know ... being that close to death and all. i think that event was essentially the beginning of the end of his naivety. he was always consistent with the people he cared about though :) he never stopped calling them stupid and weird and he never stopped threatening to punch hohenheim whenever he was frustrated even if they were like in the middle of like a life or death situation. i just think he's neat

when ed destroyed pride('s vessel) i felt my heart well up with. pride LOL. that was his very first explicit win against someone who has been against him this entire time, and seeing him defeat pride with his own two hands was such a nice feeling. it wasnt technically his own win since he was only able to get to that point because of his friends and family around him

episode 60 was suuper good it was the part where the father was gonna swallow god because of the solar eclipse. its super hard to explain if uve never seen it but basically the scene was super cool simply because of how well the animation showed the sheer scale of what was happening. like this guy was literally reaching to the moon. theres a lot of unnatural things that are shown in fmab and although this scene didnt introduce any new concepts, it was still incredibly captivating because of how well the animation was

aand thats it i think! i regret not writing down how i feel during the earlier episodes but i think watching it with little to no distractions was a better experience. if u actually read this im giving u a kiss on the cheek rn ilu

#i dont expect anyone to read this btw this is purely for myself #i hate proofreading shit so dont look at anything too closely

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