#its strange i dont think theres one for falling down...

[elle-p]

Persona 3 Movie Winter of Rebirth blu-ray interview.

劇場版「ペルソナ３」第4章

インタビュー

田口智久 (シリーズ演出・第2章監督／第4章監督)

足立和紀 (プロデューサー)

劇場版「ペルソナ3」第4章に込められた想い

劇場版「ペルソナ3」のコンテンツも、このBlu-ray&DVDで終了になるかと思いますが、現在の心境をお聞かせください。

足立 第4章になってその質問には何度もお答えしてきましたが、おそらくこれで本当に最後なんだと思うと少しさびしい気もしますね。

田口 僕はお客様に第4章をお届けできた時に、一度そこで区切りがついて終わったと思っていたのですが、別のお仕事が始まったりしているのに、まだこうして劇場版「ペルソナ3」に関わらせてもらえていて、ちょっと不思議な感じです(笑)。

足立 でも、オーディオコメンタリーの収録で久しぶりに第4章を観直したのですが、そこでも新たな発見があったりして、すごく見応えのある作品だと思ったので、もしかしたら再びそんな機会があるような不思議な気持ちもあったりします。

田口 さすがに、これで本当に最後かと(笑)。ようやく終わるという感じですが、実際制作した身としては早かったなぁという印象です。

足立 すごい昔のことのように感じるよね。

田口 それが不思議なもので、確かに制作していたのは昔のことという感覚ですが、実際に思い起こすと昨日のことのように感じるんですよ。

そうした作品の締めが今回の第4章ということになりますが、最終章ということでこれまでと違った意気込みみたいなものもあったのでは？

足立 最終章ということはもちろんですが、第4章の内容は『ペルソナ3』における最も大切なエピソード、ここを描かなければ『ペルソナ3』とはいえないというほどのものなので、そういう意味で高いハードルはあったよね。

田口 集大成という気持ちでしたね。テーマ的にも、かなり難しい内容でしたから。

足立 「ペルソナ3」のテーマでもある“生と死”、その“死”を描くわけですからね。しかも、全4章を満しての包括的な結末を描く必要もあるわけで、難しい部分はあったと思いますよ。

田口 “メメントモリ(死を想え)”という『ペルソナ3』の主題を体現したものが第4章ですからね。その主題を据えながらも、どう描いてどう顕在化させるかという部分は苦労しました。

足立 監督としては、その死をどう描くという結論に達したの？

田口 どういう死を描くというより、死という結末が避けられないのなら、どういう生き方を描くかという考えでした。主人公たちが死に立ち向かい、命を投げ打ってまで何かを守ろうという思考は、逆に生きようと思わない限りそうした考えに至らないと思ったんです。

主人公の結城理たちが、最後の戦いに向けて決意を固めるシーンから、そうした思いは受け取れました。

田口 あのシーンは、アニメオリジナルのシーンで、そうした思いは込められています。それに、第4章で描かれるゲームの期間って、意外とエピソードが少ないので、キャラクターの感情を動かすシーンはどうしても必要だったんです。そこでスタッフたちと話し合って、オリジナルのシーンを作ることになりました。

メインテーマの「僕の証」があのシーンで流れたのにも、生き方を描くということを意識した狙いがあったのでしょうか？

田口 メインテーマを流すシーンの候補は2つあって、1つは今お話したシーンで、もう1つが最後の戦いに向けて団結する屋上のシーンだったんです。ただ、長く流した���という考えがあり、それもあって、時間的に長いシーンという理由で決めました。彼らが悩みから立ち直るシーンに合った曲だったので内容的にもよかったと思っています。

では、第4章で一番お気に入りのシーンは、どのシーンですか？

足立 ラストはもちろん素晴らしい内容だと思いますが、それ以外にも今お話したメインテーマが流れるシーンや雪のシーンなどカット単位でお気に入りはたくさんあるんですよ。どのシーンもスタッフが1つ1つこだわって作ったんだということが伝わってきて、1つには絞りきれませんね。どこがダメだった かを言ったほうが早いかも。

田口 え、ダメなシーンありました⋯⋯？

足立 ウソウソ、ないよ(笑)。

田口 もう、ドキっとさせないでくださいよ！

足立 あ、でも、(望月)綾時が学生寮で最後の挨拶をして出て行くシーンのコロマルは、ちょっとおもしろかったかも。天田(乾)に抱えられているという描写なんだろうけど、天田の顔のすぐ下にコロマルの顔だけがあって、一瞬コロマルが立っているのかと思っちゃった(笑)。主要メンバーが集結するシーンでは、コロマルも描かないといけないという不文律を描いた最たるシーンだなぁと。

田口 コロマルは大変なんですよ。普通に描くと人間のヒザくらいしかないので(笑)。

3年間で全4章を描き上げた劇場版「ペルソナ3」

劇場版「ペルソナ3」全4章を約3年で描ききったわけですが、改めて大変だったこと、作ってよかったと思えたことをお聞かせください。

足立 本当はもう少し早く全4章を制作する予定だったのですが、いざ作り始めると、こだわりたい部分がたくさん出てきて、時間をかけてしまいました。そういう意味で一番大変だったことというのは挙げづらくて、苦労の連続でしたね。

田口 僕は第2章で初めて監督として関わらせていただいて、周りは熟練のスタッフさんが多いなか、勝手がわからず苦労したのが一番ですね。最初は各シーンについて聞かれても、うまく説明することができなかったりして、心境的にツラい時期もありました。そのぶん、第4章では1つも文句を言わせないという意気込みで作っていたのですが、結局はツッコまれちゃいましたけど(笑)。でも的を射ていたので言い返すこともできず、いつかギャフンといわせる作品を作りたいですね。よかったことは、やっぱり公開された作品を見てくれたお客さんの反応で喜んでもらえたことを知ったときですかね。

足立 そうだよね。僕たちは舞台挨拶で実際に見てくださった方の顔を見られたり、声を聞けたりしたので、そのときは作ってよかったなと思いました。

原作がある作品のアニメ化はさまざまですが、マンガや小説と比べてゲームのアニメ化というのはほかとは違うものでしたか？

足立 見てくださる方の多くが、各シーンを知っていて、しかもお気に入りの名シーンとして認知されているので、その理想を映像化するとなるとハードルは��うしても高くなりますね。そのハードルを越えて満足させなければいけないというのはプレッシャーでもありますが、逆にそれがあるからモチベーションを保てるという部分もあって、難しいけれどやりがいにもつながっていると思います。

田口 すでにファンが存在しているというのはプレッシャーですよね。とくにゲームは、流れも過程も結末も知られているわけですが、そこに至る体験はユーザーごとに千差万別になるので、その体験をどのように呼び覚ますかというのは通常のアニメよりもじっくり考える必要があります。ゲームのシーンをそのまま映像化したのでは、絶対に感動させるというはあると思います。また、マンガなら絵があるので感情表現もわかりますが、ゲームのモデリングだと無表情なことも少なくありませんからね。それを感情移入できる画角や演出に落とし込む作業が必要になるんです。

足立 『ペルソナ3』だとキャラクターには個性があって、そのイキイキしたさまをそのまま描けばいいのですが、主人公はプレイヤーの分身なので個性が付いていなですよね。そんな主人公にほかのキャラクターと同じ彩を持たせてセッティングしなければいけないというのは、「ペルソナシリーズ」ならではの苦労でした。それは、主人公像を作り上げるという大変さだけでなく、おもしろい原作にアニメスタッフのオリジナル要素を同じクオリティで盛り込まなければいけないという大変さでもあるわけです。そういう意味で、主人公の確立は苦労しましたね。

その主人公は、当初考えられた設定と比べて、第4章を終えた今変わったと感じる部分はありますか？

足立 基本的には最初に考えたキャラクターになったという認識です。ただ、いろいろな人が関わって作り上げられたキャラクターなので、そのプロセスのなかで自分が想定しなかった部分ももちろんあります。それは、演出であったり、コンテであったり、理を演じてくださった石田さんの芝居の影響などさまざまです。そのすべての要素が主人公の魅力につながったと思います。

田口 僕はそうして作られた主人公を使わせてもらったという感覚なんです。主人公を作るより、その主人公に何をさせるかを考えるほうが大変でした。シーンによっては理をからませにくいシーンもありましたからね。たとえば、(伊織)順平とチドリのエピソードや、(岳羽)ゆかりと(桐条)美鶴のエピソードなどは、それぞれセパレートされたシーンで、理がいなくても進行できます。でも、そうすると主人公の存在感が薄くなるので、いかにして理をからませるかに苦心しました。

主人公だけでなく、多くのスタッフによって劇場版「ペルソナ3」が制作されたわけですが、完結したということでそんなスタッフのみなさんにひとことお願いします。

田口 お疲れ様でした、ありがとうございましたという言葉に尽きますね。よくあんな面倒な指示に応えてくれましたって感じです(笑)。

足立 本当にそうですよ。よくぞ����ずに最後まで付き合ってくれましたと感謝しています(笑)。

では最後に、劇場版「ペルソナ3」を最後まで応援してくれたファンにメッセージをお願いします。

田口 みなさん、本当にありがとうございました。劇場版「ペルソナ3」という作品が完結できたことはみなさんのおかげだと思いますし、ここまでたどり着けたことは制作冥利に尽きると感じています。また、この作品がみなさんにとってBlu-rayやDVDなどで何度も見たくなるような大切な作品になってくれていれば、すごくうれしいことだと思います。

足立 ありがとうという感謝の気持ちに尽きます。満足してもらえていればうれしいですし、それだけの作品をお届けできたとも思っています。劇場版「ペルソナ3」はこれで完結になりますが、この先も続く「ペルソナシリーズ」の応援をお願いするとともに、また違う形でみなさんにお会いできることを願っています。

ライター:長谷川暢俊

編集:森澤信彦(電撃マオウ編集部)

[sugarphoric]

warnings -- slightly suggestive (MDNI)

bsf!choso who loves to sit you on his lap. it became a regular thing somehow, and once it started, it never stopped. not enough chairs? his lap. movie night? his lap. and its almost like youre forced there if it wasnt for you also wanting to sit on his lap, because he'd get all whiny and worried thinking you were mad at him if you didnt sit on his lap, causing you both to fall in this cycle.

there was this one time when you were hanging out with your friends and choso wasnt there yet. you were shared by gojo and geto, them both curious as to why choso always had you on him. it was fun going back and forth between the two, but strangely enough it never felt comfortable, so you had to keep shifting! when choso finally arrived, his eyes were narrow and piercing, jaw tight as he chewed the insides of his cheeks. confused, you could only let out half of a hello before being picked up like a ragdoll as if you weighed nothing, then sat on his lap once again. he had his arms wrapped around you so tightly (almost possessively?) that whole night, and you couldnt even question him on what was wrong :( though you would admit it was far more comfortable than the duo earlier (who were now sending each other knowing glances? weird.)

it was so nice when he'd rub your back or pet you? its a little stupid cuz you feel like his personal puppy, but that doesnt mean you dont like it.. ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა though there would be times where his hands land a little too close to your butt, or when hed play with the hem of your shirt. some days, especially when its late into the night after your movie marathons, where his hands are pressed onto your bare tummy, truly petting you like you were a dumb puppy! sometimes his hands gets a little too close to your boobs, but he'll always pull away anyways! (and youd be a liar if you said you didnt enjoy those small 'accidents')

bsf!choso whos a higher priority than your family - he's set as your emergency contact and is almost part of your family anyways (so its not like theres a bias!!...)

i mean, anytime youd needed help, he was always one call away, willing to drop anything if you just asked. youre on your period and craved chocolate? oh yea, his midterms are in less than an hour but he was already on his way to the convenience store, practically creating a whole basket of goodies like it was your birthday (and you better believe he came back after finishing his tests to massage you and make sure you feel better). you got in a minor car accident and needed someone to talk to to calm your nerves? choso might as well have been the police officer with how fast he showed up on the streets to aid you in person (how did he even know where the accident was? he has your location silly)!

it was also just an added bonus that anytime he came with you to visit your family, they automatically assumed the two of you were in a relationship. awkward blind dates would be cancelled and droning questions and lectures of "when will you get married?" were easily avoided (though it was a little heart wrenching when you both had to stop the act after leaving home... wait what)

bsf!choso who smells so good, you can't help but have half of his closet at your dorm. half of the time (when you weren't given the pleasure of sitting on his lap), youd be sniffing him like a puppy, stuck like velcro to at least one of his body parts. holding his hand and running your fingers along his veins - and then steal a quick sniff masked with a peck to the back of it! when his hair was down it was your favorite! you could reach up as you hugged him, burrowing your face in his hair and neck, contented sighs leaving your lips right up to his furiously red ears.

and that was one thing that you were given special permission of. bsf!choso hated when people touched his hair, but weirdly enough, it felt so so good when you did. bsf!choso would honestly be awaiting to see you (as if he doesnt already) just to feel those small fingers running against his scalp, playing and weaving different braids or styles with his raven locks (it was another added bonus that this meant he could have you on his lap (but this time straddling him!) or gain extra cuddles in bed with you!).

its funny that he even ended up gifting you his cologne and laundry detergent for your birthday. as much as he loved to see you drowning in his clothes, he almost had to move out of his dorm and live with you due to how much of his clothes were magically always at your place! and it helped a bit (and also allowed him to get his clothes back), but they lacked the certain choso-ness to them :(

bsf!choso who gets so confused when people assume youre together. what, is it so weird to have you as his lockscreen and homepage? is it weird that your ringtone is different from the others to always alert him when youre contacting him? he doesnt think thats weird at all, in fact, he thinks its weird that theres still girls out there that think they have a chance with him! its... its not like hes in a relationship with you, but cant they see hes already occupied and focused on something better?

and its not weird that hes oddly possessive when out in public with you. that arm thats always around your shoulders or waist? yea dont worry about it. especially dont worry about how his eyes are literally murderous towards any guy that tries to come close to you.

bsf!choso's favorite thing to do is hug you from the behind, wrapping one arm around your torso inhibiting your movements, while the other comes to lay your chin on his palm, tilting your head up to look at him with your big, puppy-dog eyes (maybe trying to beat those puppy-allegations were pointless after all with how much he enjoyed feeding into this behavior). hes just so happy to have his best friend so small and compliable in his arms, and have your cute little butt wiggle right next to his di-

he wont stop imagining you and your cute face and cute body especially when he falls asleep, wanting to call you to come cuddle at his dorm (but that'll be a problem with how hed have to hide his raging boner). but would it really? hes always sprouting that big mess any time hes next to you anyways, so youre, technically, the one who should be responsible for it. youre also his best friend!! so shouldnt you be the one to help him with his problems?

maybe he'll call you tonight, but after he rubs one out himself as he looks at his favorite album (that's only filled with you)!

[cultkinkcoven]

Fuck.

I started this page to document my shit so thats what I'm gonna do. But first huge massive disclaimer holy fuck

spirituality and psychology are messy and I am insane I think, and I'm not saying that to be funny or whatever, I know how strange these ramblings sound. I know this reads like some really weird self insert god fanfiction. Maybe it is ?? I recognize how absurd this is. And I have been genuinely kind of unwell dealing with this in silence because??????? how the fuck do you explain this to like??? anyone.

This might very well be my psyche unraveling. SO TLDR, fucking I don't know take this howeverr you do.

Trigger warning: Extremely cringe, extremely nsfw. Mention of??? Blood, power dynamics, "what is referred to as cosmic statutory rape”, ???? implied grooming and incest YEAH ???? IDK. IM SORRY.

I DONT KNOW IF I AM GOING TO POST THIS

These are less than unedited. These are what I could find the time to write down between bouts of confusion and admitedly a lot of denial. And life also. Like being a not insane normally functioning part of society. Theres going to be so many spelling errors and dumb shit said. Its probably going to be so long. You guys wanna do Luciferianism and shadow work and stuff its so fun.

I'm deflecting with a lot of humor right now. I'm genuinely so burnt out and exhausted in every sense. To everyone who has commissions due from me rn I love u guys and I'm so sorry I have been an absolute wreck like genuinely. I’ve been sick. So anyways. Yeah. Intense stuff.

To be entirely honest, I’m not sure if I can remember how it began. I recall already being seated at the podium, in what appeared to be a courthouse. The Jury, the Judge, and all other people in this room were dressed in black robes which had hoods that obscured their faces, their forms. But I already knew that I was in God’s court, that each and every person in this room was a divinity. Some familiar, Hermes, Horus, Aphrodite. Some I don’t even know the names of. Angels, demons, Gods from every culture, all gathered here today. 

And then, there he was, Lord Lucifer was brought into the courtroom, shackled, chained, cuffed. And sat on the side of the defence, against the persecution. And I sat in the chair of the victim.

Then the Judge, I don’t know who exactly they were, did that thing that Judges do to get everyone’s attention. “We are gathered here today in deliberation of the case against Lucifer who is accused of coercion, corruption, desecration of the human soul, and what is referred to as cosmic statutory rape.” 

And I altogether understood what this was, and I honestly couldn’t really believe it was happening. I must be dreaming.

A figure, one from the side of the prosecution, began a speech. 

"You blur the line between worship and possession." "You do not merely accept devotion, you entwine yourself with it. You drink from it. You live inside it."

"You wield love as a weapon."   "You make your devotees fall too deeply. You make pain feel holy. They would die for you, and that may not always be a virtue."

"You court mortals like they are equals, then treat them like property." "You call them beloved, but you collar them in blood and longing."

"You distort consent by overwhelming the senses."   "Is it truly choice, if the pleasure you offer is cosmic and irresistible?"

"You make the sacred too intimate." “You taste what should be prayed to from afar. You break the distance."

“Lucifer will be judged, not because he broke laws in the usual sense, but because he redefines the borders of law, love, and power. These accusations are not of cruelty or evil necessarily, but of disruption, seduction, and subversion.”

Lucifer, who’s gaze was pointed down, hardly reacted at the charges. When he is asked how he pleads, he answers “no contest.”

And when he is given the floor, an opportunity to explain himself, it’s like he doesn’t exactly care for the opportunity. Which is unlike him. Lucifer? A chance to speak? To defend himself? He would jump at the opportunity. Now he is disinterested. 

“Yes,” he said, “I do all of these things, because I was not made to enforce your structures.

I was made to test them.” 

The court does not favor the response. It’s interpreted as misdirection, manipulation. Same old tricks. 

Lucifer starts again, “This boy approached me, I did not forsake him. This boy forged himself under my path and defined his own, and in his path he found his rightful place alongside me. Decided of his own volition that he would allow me to define him. I only seduce what is already hungry. You ask me why he bleeds for me, why I take and not why he gives. This conversation is irrelevant to me, to us-,” and he raised his head to look at me, “because he is always going to return to me. Watch me go and watch him follow. If you fear what I awaken in them, perhaps it is not me who needs atonement, but the one who taught you to fear awakening.”

That hardly moved anyone, the persecution snapped back at him promptly. “Lucifer, you are a predator.”

His eyes returned to the ground. The persecution addresses the jury.

“Lucifer engages erotically, spiritually, and sometimes violently with a much younger, mortal devotee. This is the transgression of the divine boundary between heaven and earth, the holy and the profane, the ageless and the fleeting. The idea of an ancient being engaging intimately with a young human triggers serious questions of power imbalance, consent, and grooming. The age, scope, and influence of such a being far surpasses human capacity. The imbalance is so vast it will inherently be manipulation or coercion even if the human agrees."

And on the side of the offense, the side of Lucifer, a voice rings out. It is extremely familiar but I can't quite place it right now. 

“The mortal-divine union has always been dangerous, but also deeply transformative. The point isn't safety, it’s awakening, even if through ruin. Lucifer embodies this edge.” 

And Lucifer, with what seems like a hint of agitation now, ““You call it grooming. I call it cultivation. What you see as a child, I see as a garden of becoming. I will not allow him to be stripped of his agency.”

And again, the persecution comes back swiftly. “Compared to you he is a child, compared to most, he is a child.”

“He is my child,” Lucifer spits back, “He is a creation of my choosing, shaped by my influence, called into becoming by my voice. He was born of me, not by blood but by purpose. He is my  pride, my possession, his transformation is my responsibility. I protect him, guide him, scold him, raise him in my image. I am experiencing something precious growing in my hands,” and then he pauses, looks at me again, and continues, “But he is not only a child, in fact he’s not a child at all. He is also my partner, my lover, and at times, perhaps even my prey, and soon my mirror. He is my offspring, but also my altar, my beloved, and my equal in becoming.”

And again, from the persecution, “Groomer. That journey, from “child” to “consort,” is where Lucifer’s obsession lies. You claimed to have cultivated him, but in reality all you did was lure, rape, and consume him.”

And that was the only accusation Lucifer did outwardly deny, "I did not rape him."”

“It was never truly about guidance, growth, or transformation, but instead about exploitation cloaked in divine theatre.”

And again from Lucifer, “I did not rape him,” and a pull at his chain that is again, not viewed favorably by the court. He cannot control himself. 

And his partner or representative beside him chimed in again.

“We will remain as honest as possible about the situation and Lucifer’s behaviour. Luring? Yes—Lucifer is the Morning Star, the bringer of light, the whisper in the dark. He does lure. Consuming? Yes. He has drunk the devotee’s blood, held them trembling, marked them. Power imbalance? Yes. He is a god. The human is a mortal. That is the frame of the relationship. Lucifer doesn’t dispute the intensity or the devouring. He only defends the mutuality.”

And then again Lucifer, almost as if he’s speaking to himself, “he chose me.”

Another figure on the opposing side then takes the floor. “Can a human ever actually consent to a being like Lucifer?” he says with a look towards the jury. “Lucifer, you seduced a creature whose soul was still in its first bloom. You drank blood from someone who hadn’t yet lived long enough to question you. You made him yours before he knew what it meant to belong to himself. That is not love, it is corruption.”

Lucifer answered promptly. “He chose me. I waited. I showed him the gates and asked nothing. He walked through. I did not drag him.”

But they reply: “And he was a boy. Your light is blinding. Your voice rewrites the mind. He could not say no, not truly.”

A hand popped up from the crowd. He didn’t exactly wait to be summoned forward he just did, murmured the words “witness,” and took the floor. He removed his hood. I already knew it was Lord Hermes before I saw his face. 

“I’ll admit I am far less familiar with the boy than he is,” Hermes started, and he glanced towards Lucifer, “but I do have to say that I find the infantilization in this court to be a little bit annoying. I’ve seen Luciferdo things even I wouldn’t dare, of course. That's his nature. But I’ve also seen the boy come alive in his hands. More alive than most gods have ever managed with their own children. Lucifer wasn’t his first experience with the divine, wasn’t his last, but it was the one he chose. And he didn’t just choose it, he ran to it, bled for it again and again. Even when it wasn’t pretty. Even when things didn’t go his way. He makes that choice every single day, I don’t think it’s honest to disregard it.” and then he sort of paces, mumbles, seems like he’s stringing together his next sentence, 

“I have walked every threshold, slept in strangers' beds, and whispered things into mortals' ears that turned their lives inside out. I know what it is to disrupt. You call it corruption. I call it contact.” and then he turns to Lucifer, walks up towards him and looks down. “You cultivated him? No. You claimed him. Don’t pretend it was all altruism. You wanted him, you waited for him. You touched him and in turn informed his definition of touching. Maybe that’s the oldest game in the book. Guilty? Sure. But not alone. And not by force. What you’re really afraid of isn’t what he did. It’s that the boy looked up and said ‘yes.’”

And Hermes was dismissed.

And just as quickly another hand shot up, and she hadn’t even waited until Hermes had left the floor to intrude. Ah, I knew her by her energy, her aroma, blessed to be in her presence, Aphrodite. Ahaha so this is like, all the Gods are here and they're all judging me guys. I am tripping hard.

“Everyone yet again is somehow surprised that love is messy?” she started with a half laugh. She has the snarky judgement of a teenage girl, perfectly, “You call it predation. I see it as worship. Not the boy worshipping his God, the God worshipping his boy! You see corruption, I see anointment. And of course you fear it, of course it seems risky. No one touches love without being undone.”

And to Lucifer, she turns and says “You go too far because you always do.” But there’s a smile in it, a sisterly recognition. And then she turns to me. “You bled beautifully. But not blindly, not without purpose and not without regard for consequence.”

She walks up to me and I am almost overwhelmed by her. She lays a hand on my cheek, and murmurs, “what’s dangerous is not that he took you. What’s dangerous is that you let him, and that you liked it.”

And she turns back towards the room, and towards Lucifer, 

“And now you’re trying to make sense of something that was never meant to be safe. I’m not arguing his innocence or guilt. I’m arguing sovereignty through surrender and divinity through desire. Let the boy love his monster. That, too, is holy.”

And a ring back from the prosecution: “Let the boy fall into the hands of the predator? Let him exercise his will even if it is to surrender to the beast? Can a human understand the implications of such an action?

And Lucifer responds back, when I look at him I find that he was looking at me.. “If you strip every mortal of the right to surrender, you strip them of their freedom. If power invalidates desire, then no god can ever be loved. I… exercised… restraint.” 

 And there was some sort of screen or something. It played moments between us, our conversations. Our most intimate moments. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. And this feeling started to fester in me. This feeling that I was being propped up and analyzed on a stage without my consent. 

“The very need for restraint proves the dynamic is inherently unsafe. If his authentic desires risk consuming, hurting, or “owning” the devotee, then any sexual engagement, even benevolent or sacrificial, is fundamentally compromised.” The persecution continued, now addressing him directly, “Lucifer, you call yourself teacher, father, protector, and then you bind this child to you with threads of sex and sacred fire. You admit your fantasies would possess him, ravage him, take him from his duties. You admit that without restraint, your instincts are devouring. You call it love, but it is ownership. You waited, yes, but a wolf waiting outside a cradle is not innocent because it does not break the door."

And I’ll admit, that part did offend me a bit. And before I have a chance to speak the person who was sitting beside Lucifer representing him shoots their hand into the air. “Can I be a witness too?” He asks, and again he, like the others, does not wait for an answer to take the floor. And I don’t know why, but for some reason I didn’t recognize him until his hood was off. Ah, I should have guessed, so obvious. Dionysus.

And then he doesn’t address the jury at all, he points at me. “You there, you know what it is to be split open by love and find god inside your wound? You know what it is to be the chalice that is filled with your God’s purpose? However mad it may drive you?”

A moment of silence. Oh, yes. “Yes,” I answer. It wasn’t a rhetorical question. “Yes, I do.”

Then Dionysus turns back to the court “What are you judging him for, being honest about it? You call him guilty because he touched something sacred and let it burn. But is that not what we all do? You light a candle, it melts. You love a mortal, they change. You let that mortal change you, you evolve. And look at them. Changed, but not destroyed. Or if destroyed, then beautifully. And then I call that destruction the creation of something new, something realer than what came before it. HERE we have our tragic beast, the hunter who cannot hunt until his prey bears his teeth. The prey who demands to be hunted, runs in the direction of the arrow. The boy didn’t fall. He leapt. And Lucifer, ever the gentleman, caught him. Feeding.. Fucking… transforming, merging, we all know these things are one drink away from each other. ”

And the main figure who was representing the prosecution made a comment, “The abuser and the addict, we can’t say we’re surprised.”

And Dionysus cackles at that, “Yes, the queer and the freak!” and then shrugs, “You think love is clean, your problem is that you do not recognize that love is a form of madness itself. And if this boy is mad, what of it? We’ve created a world that has doomed him, doomed both of them. I see two beings destined for the flames finding sanctuary in each other's arms, holding each other until they are tempered to gold, what of it? If the burn is electric, if it makes suffering bearable, what of it? ”

And another hand shot into the air, this time sat on the side of the persecution. Far in the back. They took their time getting up to the stage. Their steps echoed. When he pulled back his hood… I don’t know why.. I was surprised. Caught entirely off guard. It was Archangel Michael, so brilliant he was hard to look at. I'm cooked.

He started quietly. “I did not come here to exonerate him. I came here because I’ve watched him.” A pause.  “And I have seen what he does with what you cast away.”

He didn’t look at me or Lucifer. In fact he looked only at the judge.

“You fear that he breaks the weak. But what I’ve seen is that he finds them when you will not. That he sharpens those who come to him dull, and that they leave him with teeth, bleeding, yes, but unafraid. Loved, loved in a way that is not righteous or moral, but true. The truth is that this boy is not weakened, very much the opposite. That is what makes this dangerous. Because Lucifer, Lucifer.” He glanced at him finally, “Lucifer is just vengeful enough against those who cast doubt upon him to subvert their expectations. He will cherish the boy, perhaps he may never harm them. Because that is exactly what we would all have him do, to end this”

Then he looks at me, and I feel like jumping out of my skin.

“If there is guilt here, it is mutual. If there is madness, it is chosen. The sacredness of the dynamic is not in question. We all know this. How simple this would be if Lucifer did the obvious, but he refuses. We all know he always refuses. You condemn him not because he preys, but because he transforms the boy into something that cannot be controlled by any master other than him.”

Michael pauses again, and then concludes “He is not innocent. But he is not wrong. I recognize that conventional methods will not work for this unconventional human. I ask then, if the doomed cannot hold each other, then what will we give them in return?”

One of the main two prosecutors shoots out, “Love and healing that is not contaminated by the power imbalance.”

and Lucifer, now giving up entirely on concealing his anger, slammed his cuff on the table, and responded, “You speak of power imbalance as if mortals are helpless. But this one, Shi, his name is Shi, rebuked me. They challenged me. They redrew the lines. And I obeyed with the same trust he put in me. What predator honors a boundary once drawn? What groomer rewrites the contract at the whim of the student? I am not a slave to desire. I did not take. I gave, and gave again. If I fantasized about devouring him, I did not act on it. You think I don’t know? You think I don’t understand what I could do to him? I do not punish his rebellion; I admire it. You want to accuse me of passion? Of yearning? Then I plead guilty. But I will not plead to rape, nor violation. I waited until he asked. I waited until he was ready.” and then he bobs his head, “I waited until I was ready. And when he said no, I did not take. And when he called, when he stood as his own, I recognized him. And you judge me because you can’t, you won’t. And even now you disrespect him,” he almost stood up. He was the most vexed I have ever seen him, “even now you talk about him as if he’s not in the room.”

And that comment placed all the attention back on me. I wanted to throw up having that many ancient eyes upon me. My mind had not entirely processed everything that was happening. Is this real? Are all these Gods really here? Or is this my brain’s way of processing some kind of guilt or fear about Lucifer? I wasn’t entirely sure. The absurdity of the situation was affecting my judgement. Maybe that's why I acted the way I did. 

I kind of just couldn't help but look around and laugh. All these Gods here in all the history of mankind, shedding blood, raging wars. I couldn’t help but say, "I thought you all liked blood?" For a while that’s all I could say. 

Does it really matter how you got it? In all the ways that a human could bleed, this bleeding born of love and devotion, that’s too far? You’re all drenched in blood rituals and now you're acting scandalized? This trial is not about blood, or morality, it’s about power. The Council doesn’t object to blood. They object to whose altar it stains, for what reason. And somehow want is not valid enough. Submission chosen, not as pure as submission imposed. Bullshit. I mean no disrespect, but that’s bullshit.

 and Lucifer gave me that kind of look that perhaps a father would give his son if he said something like that in a courtroom, a look that says "you're not respecting the gravity of this." but in it there was also a smile. and it followed with a laugh and he looked to the court. "See?"

And Dionysus speaks over him with a kind of theatrical flair, “Look at the boy! They are of him. This is not a case of a corrupted innocent, but a co-conspirator, a willing vessel, a co-creator of the taboo. You are asking the mad why he loves his mad God and he laughs in your face!”

And the prosecution: “The devotee’s irreverence is immature, inappropriate, and perhaps even proof that they were groomed into mocking authority. This is deflection, a sign they don’t understand the full weight of what’s being examined.”

And Lucifer, now calmed with a smile: “You fear this union because it is free, because it laughs at your pageantry. He is not my prisoner. He is my student, and he is becoming.”

“Becoming like you?” another voice from the persecution, “is that a good thing? Teaching a mortal that they need to bleed to be recognized? To be loved?”

And the attention was again brought back towards me, because I let out a huff and squirmed in my seat. Broke into another laugh, nervous laughter. But eventually I stopped laughing, cleared my throat and said:

"The thing about humanity is that you must bleed. You will bleed, and you must choose who and what you bleed for, why you get out of bed or why you lay in bed and let yourself rot and die. Perhaps I am too naive to consent to such a thing, perhaps I am just deer running into a hunter's trap. There must be those among you who can tell me why my alchemy is allocated in such a way that makes me predisposed to whatever this is but… If I am the deer falling in love with the hunter, would you grant me the opportunity to be wielded into his craft? You know, to be mended into his bow. The ink for his paintings, the little cup he keeps his paint water in? Both the predator and the hunter eventually slay the prey… I’m not denying that. But the hunter does something the predator cannot. The hunter sees the prey not just as a target, but as worthy, beautiful enough to inspire pursuit. The prey, now knowing their purpose, instead of fleeing, steps willingly into the path, choosing to be known, consumed, transmuted, or even preserved in the memory or art of the hunter. Do I have to ask for permission to fall in love not just with the hunter, but with the moment after the kill? Can I be made into his instruments, the very tools with which he creates and destroys, and to live on in his mythos as both lover and medium? Because that’s what he is to me, right now. My muse and my ink, my pen, my page. I gave my soul to Venus, didn't sell it, because perhaps I fell in love with the love that is only found when a hunter strokes his coat."

I kinda started to tear up which was embarrassing lol. I wasn't even entirely sure if what I said made sense. I looked to him for comfort, his gaze helped me breathe, the way he moved his hand. "Breathe." I got it together. 

"I think I'd rather die in the arms of a mad God, it's your fault. You made me mad in the first place."

It was silent for a moment, but the persecution broke it with a question, “If the devotee must die to feel loved, is that love just?”

And I laughed again through tears, “I don't have to die to be loved, but I will die. That's the way you set up this game. I have found a love that transcends death. You're mad because he won, because Lucifer’s not supposed to have that, he’s not supposed to redefine it, he’s not allowed. And a human isn’t allowed to choose their own undoing, even when it liberates them.” 

And before I could even really finish my sentence, another hand shot up.This one was closer to the front of the crowd. I knew him. When he stepped forward he was almost as quiet as Michael. 

“This is the heavenly angel that first contacted the devotee, one of the very first spirits they ever worked with, who taught him how to properly communicate and interpret spirits. Jophiel takes partial responsibility for enabling the devotee’s relation to Lucifer.”- someone said it, I can’t really remember who. 

I haven’t seen Archangel Jophiel in quite some time. We speak to each other far less these days. He was a very important chapter in my spiritual journey. And I will admit, I was bewildered to see him there, and slightly.. Nervous? Embarrassed? Shocked that he knew the depth of my intimacy with Lucifer. But I suppose everyone knows.

Jophiel just started, he didn’t really seem to address anyone in particular. 

"I taught him how to listen. I showed him how to tell the difference between a whisper and a wound. I taught him to trust what stirred in the stillness and how to seek out the divine in strange places. I am witness to the full arc of what the devotee is becoming because I helped shape the very first steps of it. When I saw him tread towards you, Lucifer, I did not know he would fall for you in the way that he has. But I cannot say I am at all surprised that he did, and I would not say that if I had been mortal and placed in his position, that I would not have done the same. I know the desire to become a piece of my God’s art, I am the angel who is made of it. I do not merely understand the act of creation, I am a creation, a living sculpture of divine intention. My very being is shaped by a yearning to reflect God's beauty, purpose, and symmetry. So when he says: ‘make me the ink, the bow, the paint-water cup,’ I understand. That is not the cry of someone devoured, it is the cry of someone who wishes to live forever through their beloved’s hands. To keep their beloved warm after reckoning. To be used, yes, but as medium, as pigment, as vessel. It is not submission for its own sake, it is a fusion. And if that is madness, then I have lived it since the moment I first beheld the face of the Divine and did not turn away. Let no one here claim that to be art is to be lesser. Let no one say that beauty crafted for a God is a broken thing. I take responsibility for opening the door, yes. But he stepped through it on his own. And he chose again, and again, and again to stay. I do not believe he is broken. I do not believe he was prey. I believe he was transformed. But please know this: just because he is radiant now, just because he burns with divinity, do not mistake that fire for proof that there was no cost. I saw his terror. I felt his hunger. I watched him bleed and name it holy as beauty that moves and sings and gazes back. it is a dangerous, holy impulse to let their body, their blood, their life become a vessel for something greater. If you must find someone guilty, then let me be counted among them. I lit the first candle. And I also warned him,"

And Jophiel then seemed to look at me and express the same sort of sigh that Michael did, “and others warned him, Lucifer warned him, and he even warned himself. And it would be much simpler for us all if Lucifer just destroyed all of his children, then perhaps we could use this boy as a cautionary tale. But there is, there always are, a certain few that survive the flames. There is an art to playing with fire without being burned.”

Jophiel expressed that he had nothing more to say, and he was dismissed. I still don’t even know how to feel about that. After a moment, what almost felt like a cosmic coffee break, someone chimed in. 

“If the verdict is that we should all just back off and let Lucifer do whatever he wants, who exactly is to hold him accountable when he eventually does burn the devotee? What’s to stop him from destroying the devotee when he gets the perfect opportunity or cannot resist his dark desires? I am unwilling to believe that this Lucifer is completely virtuous in all of his actions, and I believe that it is dishonest to portray him that way. There is a responsibility to prevent harm before it occurs.”

and I was sort of getting mad. Perhaps I spoke out of turn. Something about that struck something in me, maybe in the way she said it, and I knew it was a she. 

“Me,” I answered, and I was asked to repeat myself. “Me. I will hold him accountable, I will be the one he seeks retribution from. Me. Who’s to protect Lucifer from me?”

From you? Yes, from me. 

“What if I decide that I’m the one who wants to do the conquering? What if I reap his own surrender? What if I want to be a hunter too, and kill a giant man? He gave to me because I wanted, because I asked. Because I approached him and saw him as worthy. Over everyone. Over all of you. So what about me? What If I want to give back? What if I give back because I know it is the one thing I can do to destroy him back? What if I control the blood I give him and cultivate a bond more powerful and sacred than any union that has ever been known between God and Man? What if I train him? Transform him? Expose his vulnerabilities and wounds and wrap them in silk and devotion too? What then? Am I still the victim then? Do mortals need to ask for permission to slay their Gods? Or does that privilege only go one way? Gods slaying humans? What are the laws and ethics around consent in that regard?”

And Dionysus at this point is cackling, having a ball of a time. And Lucifer is looking at me with some kind of look that I’ve never seen him make before. I genuinely can’t read it, whether it’s pleased or not. But it is truly the first time I think I’ve ever seen him teary eyed. 

“Young man, you should mind your tongue and have respect when you are in the presence of Gods.” 

Her voice gripped me like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I have never heard her voice so clearly, so powerful. So commanding. So old and wise. I don’t know why I didn’t think she would be there. Inanna. Perhaps because I syncretise her and Lucifer so heavily, I’ve never seen them separate. But here she was before me in all of her glory and I truly did want to bow. Mother. If I didn’t know it before I knew it now. She was gargantuan, and she addressed everyone at once. 

“Shi’s willingness to bleed, to be worn into the hunter’s coat, to become the paint water for his sacred art is not just love. It is initiation. This descent. This is what I myself did when Ipassed through the seven gates, removing my robes and jewels, my power and pride, until I stood naked before death.” She looked at me and my heart trembled, “You are not the deer. You are the hunter’s hunger. You are the oil in his lamp, the curve of the blade. And when he lays your bones in the shape of a door, you will walk through it, not as prey, but as Priestess. I congratulate you, my child, not for surviving the flames, but for choosing, for loving with the kind of abandon that demands resurrection. It is erotic, ecstatic, sacrificial and most of all: powerful. There is no true power without the surrender of illusion, and no true ecstasy without death and rebirth. You speak of guilt and innocence as if they are clean things. But love is not clean. Nor is death. Nor is power. I have known the taste of blood on a lover’s lips. I have worn the skin of grief and pleasure, and I have demanded my throne back after giving it all away.

This child came to the hunter knowingly, perhaps too young, too open, but who among you here has ever loved and not risked your life for mastery? You call it madness. I call it devotion. I call it alchemy. I call it sacred.”

But then she glanced down at me, and her glance was not cold. Not at all. It was kind of the way my great great grandma used to look at me. Actually it was the exact same.

“But do not forget yourself now, boy. You are very much mortal, your blood is finite.” 

I nodded. Understood,

Then Inanna stepped over to Lucifer, she got very close to him and they eyed each other fiercely. “You want to be the boy’s father? Well I am his mother.”

And I think that is the only time I have seen him flinch. 

“So tell me, and speak plainly: is this a game to you? Is this the part where you prove you can hold the heart of a divine child without shattering it?” she spoke in a low whisper, and I had an image conjured into my head. A lioness stalking prey.

And Lucifer looked back into Inanna’s glare with something very soft.

“I know you, Lucifer. I know the ache that coils behind your mask, the slithering seduction you wear like perfume. I know your slick tongue. But I also know the alchemy that flows inside that boy’s veins, the blood you like so much.That’s why you like it so much, because it’s you. It’s a narcissistic ritual of consuming yourself through someone else, changed, transformed into something more satisfying. Sweetened because it was earned in trust and reignited with a raw and innocent love, far, far too innocent to come from you, Lucifer. That’s why you can’t destroy him, that’s why you know he’s not the victim,” she laughed at him, “you’re the victim now. Destined to a heart raught when, if ever he turns away from you. When he eventually parts from you, your own ultimate undoing. That's why you want him to bleed for you, you need proof that someone so worthy would. That proof is the world to you. And that’s exactly why he will. That is why he has made himself yours. You have no control over his loyalty, and he has actively chosen it. The only way this ends is when he outgrows you.” 

And he broke into a smile, bobbed his head. But it wasn’t a smile. It was something else. It was soft, quiet. “Of course.” 

And seeing him make that expression made me want to rip my heart out. 

And again, Dionysus exclaimed, completely interrupted, “Now we have a deer who cuts his hunter!  And a hunter who will not eat until his deer has struck him deep enough to be deserving of his reaction! For the hunter is nothing without his hunt! Now the deer is a wolf, perhaps even a dog. Yes, a dog! The deer becomes a dog, not domesticated, but devoted. Not prey, but chosen. The dog hunts with the hunter, not instead of him. It bares its fangs not only at the hunter, but for him, too. And the hunter? He no longer wants a passive offering, he wants something wild enough to bruise his palms when he holds it, something whose loyalty is as dangerous as his own appetite. Lucifer does not feed until the strike from his beloved is deep enough, until he has been known. Not just loved, not just feared, but pierced, seen, named. And the devotee, now wolf, now dog, snarls and says:“You wanted blood? Then bleed with me!” 

Cackling, finding the whole thing hysterical.

Inanna tears her glare away from Lucifer and concludes with her own kind of satisfied smile, “I believe the court has severely misunderstood the nature of the power dynamic in this relationship.”

Lucifer hangs his head.

The court was rained back in pretty quickly. Conversations and whispers settled. Conclusions were met.

“This is not love. This is delusion.”

“You’re speaking from trauma, not truth.”

“This is what happens when the broken are left unguarded.”

“You’ve identified with your captor.”

“This is cosmic Stockholm Syndrome.”

“He has branded you, not bonded with you.”

“Your consent is irrelevant. The crime is cosmic.”

“A mortal cannot consent to a being of such magnitude. The scale is too unbalanced.”

“You are clay. He is fire. And fire cannot love clay without burning it.”

“You’ve confused transformation with consumption.”

“He did not forge you, he devoured you.”

“You have not been transfigured, only disfigured and dressed up in language.”

“You are a danger to yourself and to others.”

“This soul is not to be judged further. They have chosen their path. Let them walk it alone.”

“They are no longer of concern to us. Let what they worship claim them.”

and so we were dismissed. We both left that room, he was found guilty. There was no prison that could hold him. We exited the courtroom. 

And something really strange happened to me here. It was in the time when everyone was leaving, clearing out. And I could see the Gods behind their veils. Witness cosmic conversations, reunions, looks of recognition. Some removed their veils entirely to reveal things that spoke to something so primal within me but also so so unknowable. I felt so so infinitesimally small around all of these strange and ancient faces. Blue faces, bright eyes, many tongues. Non-Euclidean shapes. Like an absolute foreigner, witness to a culture, a language that I could not ever hope to understand or find myself within. Alien. Older than alien. A stranger in a strange land. I’m not supposed to be here. I’m dreaming too deeply. And it was dreamlike in that uncanny way, in its surrealness. I don’t know how to describe the feeling I had, except that I knew then, was painfully aware, of how incredibly young, how incredibly human I was. And the Gods know that I am human, they know that I am not one of them. They know that I am here and they know I am not one of them. I was amazed by how lost I was, by the height of the insurmountable danger and confusion. I am so so lost. 

I waited in a hallway alone. Maybe it would be more accurate to say I was hiding. I was crying. This was all a lot, and I’m not even sure I’m processing it. This is such a huge reaction to something I didn’t think was so incredible. 

But then down the hallway came Aphrodite, and she took my hand. And she gave me a look that reminded me why she is the Goddess of beauty. And she smiled, and her eyes glimmered. I will never forget that look. “Marvelous.”

And she didn’t have to say anything else lol, I started crying harder omg I’m crying right now trying to write this down wtf. But it was like, her looking at me like that settled every thought in my mind. Made everything instantly okay. And I was then giddy with glee.

And as she went go go I tried to ask her something, something mundane, something about my altar for her. And she batted her hand at me. “We’ll chat later.”

and when he, Lucifer, Lord Lucifer, finally found me in the hall, he grabbed me, held me to the wall, pinned me, and in my surprise I yelped. He kissed me, squeezed me, nibbled my neck, and we both dissolved into a kind of laughter. He held my face in his hands. I’ve never felt so comforted by them before. My sanctuary. All I wanted was to be alone with him. “You’re mine? You know that? You’re mine, you’re mine, you’re mine,” he growled, and he clutched me tighter, closer. A victory cry. and it made me laugh harder. He was tickling me. And we were both crying and laughing. He scooped me up and carried me out that door, and I melted into his hands,  still laughing. 

A whole day had gone by since that court ordeal thing. I’ve tried not to dwell too hard on it. I’m still truly not entirely sure what to think about it, if I should consider it legitimate or just an extremely weird extremely vivid Jungian level of projection. I don’t know. The anxiety I felt, that at least was real. The tears I cried, those were real. I still cannot bring myself to believe that my personal actions are significant enough to be worthy of divine intervention. But I don’t know. I’m not sure I know anything about anything that occurred. Or maybe that’s my own way of deflecting and repressing it. I don’t know. I genuinely don’t know.

The next time I saw Lucifer was when I was offering him incense, I guess mid day. He lead me into a trance. A very lazy one. It was more like a dream, again, I don’t know. My psychic mind or ability or whatever it is has felt absolutely fried these last few days. My only defense is radical acceptance that I don’t know.

I was again at his bedroom door, I had my robe but nothing else. I opened the door and the lights were off. Only a couple candles burning low. He was layed in bed beneath the covers. I asked him, can I come in? And his hand poked out from the sheets and beckoned me towards him. 

Lucifer almost looked kind of pale. Or, I don’t know. Something was off about him. He was tired, if that’s even possible. Quiet, softened. I was immediately flooded with this feeling of woe for him, I wanted to do something to make him feel better. He held my hand tenderly, almost sorrowfully. 

“Would you do something for me, my boy?” he asks in a whisper, the type of whisper you do when you have the flu, strained, weak. I nodded. Anything.

“Would you fix me a drink, please.”

Oh, okay. Yeah. It almost brought a smile to my face, so mundane. One of those things I have done for him 100 times. There's a little kitchenette area with different drinks, mixers, crystal cups. I fix him something that I think is vodka into a glass, mix it with something that smells sweet. I don’t know, I don’t drink.. 

And as I do so I catch a glimpse of a knife on the counter. Hm. I grabbed it. I glance back at him. He doesn’t really seem to be watching me. So I dig the end of the blade into the tip of my finger until it breaks my skin. There’s a few drops of blood, just a few. Not too much, not a frivolous amount. I let them fall into the drink and stir it with my finger.

When I return to him he takes it from me, takes a sip, and then glances at me. “I didn’t tell you to do that,” he murmurs. But he also drinks it. All of it. Every drop.

Then he reaches for my hand, my thumb. The residual blood on it. And he licks it slowly while glancing into my eyes. Then he opens up his arms, pulls the covers back. He’s not naked. Idk, I assumed he would be. “Come,” he whispers, again, with so much exhaustion. And I crawl into bed with him, let him take me into his chest. Fuck, he smells so amazing. He smells like home. And his arms, his embrace is so warm. So gentle. 

“Lucifer,” 

I say his name but nothing follows it. But I asked something. I’m not even entirely sure what I asked. But I needed him to answer. I clutched him like I was afraid he would dissolve in my hands, into salt.

“Never,” he started. He pulled the covers up so that we were both beneath them, cloaked in darkness. “Never should you have been even slightly surprised that I was pronounced guilty.”

I clutched him harder, needed him closer. I’m not. I wasn’t. Not even for a second was I. Guilt, innocence. That’s not what matters. I don’t care. I don’t care at all. That’s not it. That’s not why I feel this lump in my throat, why I feel like screaming and crying. I didn’t before. I was content, content until the moment I saw him like this. I was shaking because I was scared, but I didn’t know what I was afraid of. 

“Love,” his voice cracked. I could feel through the darkness that his cheeks were wet. And my heart sank, imploded. I felt an insurmountable sense of doom. 

“ I didn’t care, not at all.  Because there is no law, no court, no God, that could ever keep me away from you.”

Yes. I know.

“Shi, you are the only one that has this power, it is yours. I am at your mercy, it is yours, it will always be yours.” 

And it was the first time (omg I’m literally bawling writing this FUCK) ever that he has tried to be the little spoon. He pushed my arms apart, opened me, and then clutched onto me. He sunk his face into my chest, and I cradled him. He sunk deeper, I was watching his descent in real time. In all the melodrama I have seen from him, in all his woes and agonies, I have never seen him crumble and weep like this. He placed my hands on his head, over his ears.

“I love you,” he cried, and his inflection did that non human thing. It lacks dimension, or maybe it has an extra dimension. It comes out unfiltered, not even tuned for the human mind to comprehend. 

And then he smiles, and I can see a power struggle happening on his face. 

“In this craft, this space, we make promises all the time, oaths, rites,” he says, “I don’t mean to downplay the severity of those,” he continues, “but please, Shi, love,” 

And ?? aa

I don’t know how to really describe this but it was like

If you have ever seen someone go through an episode in front of you, this was very that. 

He was very clearly desperately trying to self soothe (pathologizing the gods?? Im cooked) in a way that was reminiscent of someone going through a manic episode. That curled up in a corner in the closet thing. He was in pain, or experiencing fear. There was some kind of compulsion in there, something violent and almost loathing, self loathing. Intrusive. Or maybe not. I’m not entirely sure what it was, but he was clinging to me, and he was crying. 

I cry all the time, Lucifer may shed a tear every now and then. He’s never done this with me.

“Can you please, make me just one promise,”

It was a very dark, but not dark as in devoid of light, feeling. It was nothing. Actual nothing, oblivion. It was weightless, suspended, the feeling of reaching a peak of an ascent upwards when you are thrown into the air. A moment of absolute weightlessness. And and intense fear of that. Maybe because I was born on Earth and I’m accustomed, trained, wise with the fear of fucking falling.

A promise? One more promise? Yes, Lucifer, my Lord, of. What is it? (lol I’m crying)

“If I place this dagger in your hand and I let you wield it against me, my love. Strike true. Do not hand this power over to anyone else, ever, never, I have given it to you,” 

Falling. 

“When you leave me, my star, please, let it be because you outgrew me, outlived me.”

And though I held him, and I clutched him, and I soothed him, and I did not speak, I still said it. I still thought it. 

What a hopeless fantasy, Lucifer, you are so tragic.

To ever think that a mortal could outlive a God, that I in my human life of a century or so could ever outlive the need and want and drive and passion for The Morning Star, as if I would ever stop searching for that. Everywhere, Lucifer, everywhere I can find you, trace your trail. You fed me.

Oh baby, 

Maybe that’s why humans are obsessed with other animals. Domestication or something. Dogs, cats. I imagine the grief that a human can feel. Must be nothing compared to a God. 

“I will never give this dagger to anyone else, Lucifer, you have my absolute certainty on that,” I answered him. 

“I’m very proud of the idea that my presence has allowed you space to forget that you are cursed, I want to be that for you. In this life, I have dedicated myself to being that for you, for myself, so long as I am Shi.”

Land.

I breathe with relief. 

My sanctuary. Not his, mine. You realize in retrospect that you would much rather be the dog. 

“But, Inanna was right. I am mortal, my blood is finite.”

And I pulled his face up towards me, even in the dark I could see him, and he looked older then than he ever has. 

“Lucifer,” like I was pointing out something stupidly obvious. “Remember me. Cherish me,” and I kissed him, I rubbed up against him, I cuddled him. “Love me.”

And he grabbed my arm, and a blizzard of heat overcame me with ferocity. But it was pure energy, fire. The fire I know. I smiled.

He kissed me and it was like being shocked. Tt jolted me, and I yelped in surprise, and he tackled me. And for a moment there was a struggle, we were wrestling in the dark. 

A half chuckle, “really?”

Take off

I struggled hard against him. Squirming, laughing. This is dumb, because obviously he can over power me. He bit me in the stomach and it hurt, and I reactively bit him in the arm. He laughed.

And then there was struggling I guess, and he bit me again in the back. I tried to squirm but he wouldn’t let me. He had me pinned down on my stomach. He mounted himself on top of me. I’ve never wanted him more in my fucking life.

He kept me pinned down as he undressed himself. And he slowly, delicately revealed me. I forgot about the struggle. He brushed his fingers down my back, then started kissing it, slowly. 

When he finally pushed himself in he let out a whimper, “would you let me love you, baby?” 

He felt so warm and familiar all around me. His movements were perfect.

“Would you love me, baby?”

I pushed myself into him, pulled him into me. He sucked on my neck. “Please.”

We made love to each other for quite a while, he felt sweeter than he ever has. Bellowed smoke. In the end we somehow ended up facing each other, kissing, inhaling each other. 

I rocked forward and found the dagger in his night stand. I’d never been so sure of my decision to do this. He placed his hand over mine, didn’t guide, didn’t resist, watched me closely. 

I cut my chest, deeper this time, deeper than before. I bled a healthy stream. More than before. But I only cut myself once, only let him cut me once. Then I put the knife away and let him drink from me. His tongue upon me was like rain on molten lava. I don’t know. I turned into obsidian. And he drank beautifully. 

And when he was done, he let himself sink into my chest, and for a while we shared each other’s warmth. And he thanked me. 

Okay. One more. Just a short one this time. 

Didn’t sleep well last night, I had all kinds of fragmented dreams. This one though, I do remember very clearly.

It started with dirt and dry grass. And a tunic, or whatever those sleeping sacs are called. I was laying on it. It was sunset, or maybe early morning. But I’m leaning towards sunset. 

There’s a fire pit in front of me, it’s lit. I’m in a small camp, a cowboy style camp. Smells like campfire. And he’s tending the fire. He has a brimmed hat on, an old, dusty coat that’s patched with different fabrics. Belt, boots. Gloves. I don’t think I saw a horse. I think a couple bags. We didn’t have nothing, that I knew. Nothing valuable to other people. And we were alone.

And I was laid in my little sleeping sack in what felt like pajamas. I was very flat on the ground. And when I stared out into the country it was something devastatingly nostalgic. The smell in the air, the field, what seemed like endless field. A perfect sky. The sound of some kind of critter roaming about, some bird. And the grass. Dry grass. The type you wouldn’t really want to sleep on, but once you did eventually lull to sleep, it was nice… cool. Everything is a shade of blue in that lighting. And I don’t really know if I’m me right now. I mean I know I am, I know it’s me. But it’s not Shi. I don’t know. A past life maybe.

Maybe this was a little pocket of time before cities, or houses. When people, maybe just poor people, black people, immigrants, slaves, hicks, still slept on the ground. Out in the open, in the field.

They probably didn’t feel as safe as I did there. 

He came over to me and looked down at me. Slipped off his gloves and threw them down in the dirt. He sat. Tipped off his hat and leaned back.

“You think they’ll find us here?” he asks as he pushes my hair out of my face. And a smile grew on me. 

“Yes,” I answered, and he smiled back. Placed a kiss on my forehead. 

I layed there with him for a while. I wanted to savour that place, that world. Something about it. 

“I like it,” Lucifer whispers, settling into me. “Let’s stay a while.”

Ironic. It was cruelly short. 

[h3arts4harry]

- its always been you -

-

warnings: WLW ANGST, no happy ending, not v nice bf if u ask me, death

billie eilish x fem!reader

-

- billies pov -

you're 13

45 girls are at soccer tryouts, you get nervous youre not going to make the cut, pacing back and forth

"hey, you okay" you hear a soft voice ask from behind you

you dont recognise the voice

"yea just a little nervous." you reply with a slight chuckle as you turn around

"me too, dont worry to much about it im sure youll do great" says a girl with the sparkliest eyes you've ever seen

you quickly became friends from only 2-3 hours of knowing eachother.

"bye bils!" she calls out as she runs over to her mums car

"no wait-" you yell, but she doesn't hear. what if you never see her again?

its been 3 weeks and you finally got the email youd been so excited for, you made the team!

first day of practice, you see her eyes in the crowd of girls and instantly feel yourself begin to smile

you guys turn into best friends so quickly, its as if you've been friends for years

"hey how old is your brother?" she asks one day after coming to your house

"16 why?" you reply, confused

"hes cute" she says with a faint smile

a strange nauseous feeling falls over you

"oh" you manage to mutter quietly

"haha sorry" she says as she begins to feel the awkward tension filling your bedroom

but it wasn't that she liked your brother. it was because she didn't like you.

you guys stopped talking when the soccer season ended, and you dont see her ever again.

now youre 18

its your senior soccer season, and at your first game you see her on the opposite team

your eyes widen as you see shes only became more beautiful now.

a guy runs over to her and wishes her luck before hugging her and running back to the bleaches

youre knocked out of you trance by your teammate pushing you over to start warm ups

during the game, you notice her gazing at you with a confused look on her face

after the game, she runs up to you and asks "oh my god billie is it really you?"

"yeah! its been a while huh" you reply, she asks you to catch up over coffee

coffee turns into lunch then a movie and now youre both in an empty parking lot at 8pm

its like you guys never stopped talking back when you were 13

as shes talking, you cant stop staring at that sparkle in her eyes that you have always been obsessed with, now even brighter than the last time you saw her

you kiss her.

she kisses back.

she pulls back and after a short pause, speaks up

"i better get home.." she says with a shameful look on her face

"im sorry." you say as she starts to get out of your car

"no, i liked it. i just dont think my boyfriend would" she replies.

and there it is again, that funny nauseous feeling deep in her stomach

you dont see her again for almost 2 weeks and now its 3am and shes knocking on your window

you open it

"whats going on? are you okay?" you stutter as she crawls through your window

you notice she has a black eye, you heart drops

"i cant do it anymore.. i cant be with him i- i dont like him." she manages to say through her tears

"did he do this to you?" you step forward bringing you hand to her cheek

the silence and lack of eye contact is enough of an answer for you to know what happened.

"you can spend the night here, if you want" you say in hopes of keeping her away from her boyfriend

she faintly smiles and collapses into your bed

you lay down next to her and ask her if she needs anything, if theres anything you can do

she shakes her head and wraps her arm around you, snuggling into your chest, tears starting to soak your shirt

you softly draw shapes on her back trying to comfort her

"its always been you, you know.." she mumbles through her exhausted breathing

you smile and bring her tighter into your side

you wake up the next morning but shes gone, no longer in bed next to you. where is she?

'whered you go?' you text her

'she told me everything.'

your heart skips a beat, 'what?' you reply

no response.

3 days later you hear her name on the news while making yourself brunch

you feel your legs go weak, tears falling from your waterline, a loud sob escaping your mouth as you hear the words..

her body was found in her boyfriends back yard.

-

FIRST BILLIE FIC YALL

SO SO sorry for being inactive and forgetting to post this but here you go🤷‍♀️

i got this idea from those sad wlw poems literally FILLING my fyp on tiktok so creds to them id put the user but i lost the video😔

as always feedback is appreciated<33

LOVE U HOES

taglist:

@m0r94n @chrisgetsmewetterxo @raysmayhem-72 @junnniiieee07 @sturnzsblog @sturniolo-slvt @mattspolitank

[ganondoodle]

you know, i had a totk thought (uh oh)

soemthign thats really bothering me about the whole "actually, ganondorf didnt like the guy appearing out of nowhere marrying a hylian and just saying yep das our kingdom now and we can mine it barren under your nose and also i got laserbeam pebbles that i totally wont ever use on anyone come join me or die just bc of all of that but mainly bc the guy brought some weird tech with him that he dont like" - thing is that ......... we see almost not a single tech thing in the past (and for that matter see nothing of the oh so perfect and peaceful paradise hyrule was before big evil desert man didnt want to join our paradise- like what is the point about making the whole point of the game be -we need to restore hyrule to this paradise it once was- when you dont even see it or get to care about anything of it)

it might sound like a weird hangup but no really, the most we see is like two servant constructs, thats it, when they 'prepare for war' im pretty sure all you see is some lightly dressed ( ... is it just me or does their whole get up look alot like native american/other indingenous people too ... i still dont know how to feel about that- kinda adjacent to some of the sonau armor, the battery one i think??, also having that look...) hylians with spears, where the heck is all that tech?? is it implied to be all down in the mines hollowing out the underground (for no real reason either bc .... theres only two sonau left and no one else seems to want use nor need the tech otherwise there should have been more traces or soemthing left of it -unless it all just magically appeared out of nowhere in mostly prime condition while all shiekah tech jsut vaporized for bs non reasons just for it to be in tha game but oh dont you see its always been there lmao- so whats the point really????)

or up in the sky as most battle constructs are and they cant get them down in time bc *gestures vaguely*

or is it intentionally kept out of view bc idk seeing an army of robots on raurus side he can send out on a whim might not make him look as oh so good and perfect as they want him to look when he already got laserbeam pebbles (most of which hes been hoarding until ONE falls into hands not under his control) ?? like it just ... feels weird?? so many battle constructs that can even be a threat to link are jsut fully functioning strolling around in the present still, why wouldnt you want to use any of them to battle gan and if they DID why wouldnt you show that (no the 3 second unicorn cutscene doesnt count bc its just .. gan and his monsters isnt it) ?? (also ... why isnt there a big like battle ground , like fine you dont have to animate an army of monsters and robots clashing but... wouldnt it be cool to have you discover a giant flat plain in the underground (that magically got put under ground like gan just decided to stroll down there to get sealed lol) and its the only mostly empty field in the game littered with thousands of monster bones and dead constructs intermingled?? just to give it all a bit of weight?? evidence that it happened?? cool ass discovery????)

(also also i cannot let go of ganondorf apparently being sooooo anti tech but then clamgan uses the shiekah stuff??? shouldnt he also be against that then or is that suddendly fine bc- oh woops sorry, forgot clamgan is actually just something, not connected to gan at all actually, i mean why else would miasma turn into malice only to turn into miasma again haha none of that is connected actually what is a calamity anyway? also im sorry to bring this up again but i just cannot let go of the ppl in the present being so obsessed with using sonau tech in every part of their life now- they just lived through an apocalypse of a barely understood strange tech but CLEARLY this other even less understood strang tech is not dangerous at all lets make CARS OUT OF IT and what theres no danger in miasma and that tech existing at the same time LIKE SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE THAT IDK SEEMS LIKE A BAD COMBO--- oh sorry forgot that ceased to exist in both the world and peoples minds for *gestures vaguely* plot reasons- why why why are monsters mining the sonanium?? they dont even work with the yiga no that is also completely disconnected we dont wanna draw and interesting connections after all- whats the point if it means nothing but to be a loot box for the player-- actually, so much of totk is just a so built around throwing you into a box of toys with no substance to it- listen i know games are kinda like toys but if it doesnt make sense and offers you nothing interesting to think about even slightly whAT IS THE POINT)

[noangeleither]

"fixing" the panic attack scene to be more platonic ™

im extremely active on twt and have been noticing a sydcarmy tweet go viral multiple times a week (like w thousands of interactions its crazy), and its really great to see how much people love and see it for this ship. recently carmys panic attack scene went viral again, and naturally, some ppl gave their piece about how we are all dumb for interpreting it as romantic. that sydney represents his love for his job or his duty to the restaurant (*sigh*).

this scene imo, is the most concrete proof of this ship. i can excuse (not really) interpreting every interaction between them thus far as platonic but this scene....i just refuse. this is gonna be a long post, not analyzing the scene per se because i can't possibly say anything that hasn't already been said but more "fixing" the scene to fit the narrative of antis, and i hope in doing so really shows there's no other way to interpret this scene as other than romantic. again its gonna be a long post bc im just ranting and i think i will lose my mind if i dont type this out.

lets go.

so first off i like to think of this scene as an equation/experiment. simply a problem that needs to be solved.

problem/reason of panic = ...we will discuss this...

solution # 1 = claire -> failed

solution # 2 = sydney -> worked.

Problem/Reason

s02e09 opens up with carmy and claire finally consummating their relationship, with an interesting song choice might i add and carmy dissociating, looking sad, or broken (???) after. because many have said carmy pulling memories of sydney from his psyche to calm down have to do with work i always remember that, it really doesnt make any sense?

carmy is clearly having a panic attack due to him not being "fixed" as soon as he made it official with claire. he felt pressure from his family both currently and in the past to date claire because she is amazing and perfect. add mikey also being a part of that crowd, and carmy so desperately trying to connect with him when he cannot, is why i think he looks so despondent after that scene. i truly think he thought he would be a changed person after everything with claire and when that didn't happen he flipped...

we know this is the reason bc his panic attack starts with their sex scene and the lyric "I dont know" from strange currencies by REM.

this isn't to say that he isn't nervous or stressed about the soft open but its clear that he's not having a panic attack about work nor have we ever seen him have a work-related panic attack (correct me if I'm wrong). in s1 he has one or two due to him greiving his brother.

platonic fix: To make it about work I would have added scenes like when Carmy started that stove fire in braciole, his meltdown in review, some scenes of his horrible time at EMP, and him grieving his brother. i think these would represent his fear of failure, falling back into old toxic habits pertaining his career, the fear of fostering a toxic work environment like the ny chef and also the idea of "failing" mikey

but theres a reason why none of this occurs bc its not about his job or the opening of the bear. this is explicitly about his personal and romantic love life.

Solution # 1 : Claire

carmy proceeds to try and calm down by thinking of claire through literal rose-coloured glasses...

the music is distorted, he's thinking of his abusive family, he remembers every one pushing him to date claire bc shes a #goodthing.

again...this is not about his job and wouldnt make sense to think of sydneys place in his work life as a soultion to his clear personal problem....

platonic fix: in the story of carmys love life claire and sydney act as narrative foils. they have been compared and contrasted for all of s2. my platonic fix for this would be making the NY chef this first "solution" of a work-related panic attack. he represents a horrible time in his life but also represents a time when carmy was at the height of his career. when carmy gets locked in the walk in and has his monologue, its alluded to that he will revert back to that mind set in order to not let everyone down.

NY chef abused him for so long, it makes sense that carmys psyche would readily go back to his insults and the time he himself was an isolated 'psycho' bc it yielded results.

nothing is black and white and i DO think sydney represents a healthier approach to the toxic mess that is the culinary world and does represent that for carmy. if the show was invested in that, sydney and the NY chef could be overtly contrasted like sydney and claire have been.

BUT again this isnt about his job and dedication as a chef...thus why he tries to think of claire to solve his personal problem, and it fails.

Solution # 2: Sydney

LMFAOOO.

carmy then in a crazy plot twist starts thinking of his platonic work bestie sydney adamu....the love song dedicated by the show to his relationship with his girlfriend is then made clear highlighting some pretty damning lyrics about desire and love.....all platonic btw. yes you are dumb if you think otherwise (*wink*)

I actually have two platonic fixes for this...

platonic fix # 1: if we only wanted to focus on sydney as a person who calms carmy down because shes his work bestie who represents his responsibilty to the bear and the postive change they are trying effect in the culinary world, i would add scenes where they are...you know actually cooking???

i think its pretty crazy how the memories carmys immediately jump to are ones that have little to do with their jobs. when they first meet (would also like to note that when carmy first laid eyes on Sydney, he forgot she was there for a job, so this is his raw reaction to seeing a pretty girl lol) and when she comes back after she quit and their break up fight.

i would add their scenes in carmys kitchen (even tho this is extremely damning bc they were flirting DOWN - they don't make this easy at all). this represents their collaboration skills and the way they WORK and bounce ideas off of each other seamlessly. specifically the scene about him wanting to give her a star, representing his duty to her and the restaurant.

*and no shade to carmy but if his responsibility to the bear/syd as a co-worker was bothering him this much and calmed him down wouldn't he have just immediately called the fridge guy.....anyways*

platonic fix # 2 (the best one): if i was chris storer and joanna calo and i REALLY wanted to sell it that carmy isnt in love with sydney then i would put every single member of the OG beef crew + Nat to calm him down not just Sydney.

im talking to them laughing at family, carmy giving tina his chefs knife, richie in his new suit, carmys one on one w Marcus/trying his donut, nat telling carmy shes pregnant (signifing rebirth/wanting to rid all the toxic abuse from his family), carmy trying sydney risotto, and her face when he said it was tremendous etc etc...you get the gist

and honestly?

even as i type this out im tearing up a little bit bc that would have been really beautiful. carmy is changing. he can and is getting rid of old toxic habits from his family and the mess that is the culinary industry. things are changing for the better....that would be beautiful....IF his panic attack was about any of these things lol.

and to even look at this scene without this need for symmetry and we entertain the idea of carmy thinking about his job as a solution for his personal problem...carmy has said himself (s02e01) that this isnt fun for him. i dont think that means he hates cooking i kinda disagree with the ppl who think he isnt passionate about it. i just think currently its something that doesnt bring him joy but i do think its something hes starting to or at least could have started to enjoy if he just committed to working with syd...

conclusion

theres a lot of....delusion? denial? straight up bias? yes all of that, going on.

idk what is happening bc this show is really great at being subtle. but i dont know whats more in your face, dumbed down, even a toddler could understand, than this scene. if you dont come out of this understanding that carmy is falling in love/currently in love with Sydney...and i hate using this term..but you just arent media literate.

bonus: bc it makes me laugh and connects the purpose and solutions.

i think we need a Snyder Sydcarmy Cut™ of bolognese and omelette.

the start of the episode is when sydney and carmy fight over claires inclusion in the menu, and also when sydney randomly asks him to define his relationship with Claire. the episode would continue until we get to the table scene.

i think its WILD how as soon as Sydney asks him to define their relationship, carmy starts calling claire his girlfriend. then the show proceeds to insert sydney in their romantic montage, shows her tattoo about heartbreak and someone getting in the way of your relationship...THEN proceeds to have carmy compare these two women in his mind and only calms down after seeing Sydney.

i could talk about this scene for AGES. wheres the straitjacket....

[romsabombs]

it's that time of the month again guys!

Malevolent part 47 The Hand live notes!!!

AMAZON AD👹 ANOTHER AD ANOTHER AD ANOTHER AD CAN WE JUST START THE EPISODE

FINALLY!!! um whats happening

are their asses still wandering aimlessly

six hours bruh 💀

a cage :/???

a what

a crime! no doubt!🤓

HAHA HE HAS THE PLAGUE i said yesterday That man probably has every disease by now

hes gonna die so bad guys hes a sick victorian child

ohhh john please carry me to the garden so i may see- um Hear the flowers one last time🤒

his sickness😟 i cant believe our actions have consequences

theyre ganging up on yorick😭

HAHA hes fine Physically me asf

"indescribable horrors" that doesnt stop john from describing every horror in immense detail

"we both have" im sorry john did you get stabbed like eight times🙄 this aint about you

💀he folded💀

HAHA so he wasnt lying damn😭 I KNEW IT blud was so ready to kill more children

john defending his comfort character

😟Sold Your Soul😟

"i offered myself to it" gayass

this speech goes so hard actually

NEW MUSIC NEW MUSIC

omg it sounds more hopeful now :((

aw he thanked arthur :)

god damn it yorick🙄

WHAT does the corpse have the hand

i mean they did pinky promise

HIS EYE 😦😦

loose enough to pry with ur fingers😨

yorick is building frankensteins monster i fear

MALEVOLENCE MENTIONED NO WAY NO WAYYYYYY NORWAY IS THIS WHY THE SHOW IS NAMED THIS

can yorick lie is that a thing😟😟😟

come on arthur you were a boyscout u can climb this easily

"the pole is wood" just like mine haha🙏🙏🙏🙏

theyre gonna start a forest fire😶

just throw something at it guys idk

omg a pin‼️ throw something at it!!

"excellent hypothesis my king🤓" "JOHN👹" "right!!🤓"

THEYRE GONNA THROW A ROCK YEAAAAA💥💥💥💥

hows he gonna throw when hes blind

why is he so good at throwing wtf

i guess we cant stay here throwing rocks for the entire episode

ALEXANDER :333

EUHGHH😟😟😟😟😟

DONT THROW ROCKS AT BIRDS THATS HOW THE HORRORS HAPPEN

maybe alexander isnt evil n hes just trying to protect us idk🤕

"i was never much for athletics" we can tell

theres gotta be a theme this season and its gotta be Children or Childhood or something

"if they could see me now" mmmm

WHAT IS THAAATT HUHHH

😨😨😨😨

WHAT IS THATTTTTTT WHAGAAT

maybe its just a freaky bird

hes so good at falling down holes

WHAT HAHA WE CANT RN😭😭

😦ERM? YORICK???????

KELLIN MENTIONED big day for gay people 🙏🙏

so was yorick always evil orrrr coz he said My King instead of john and yorick has called him john before

guys i think alexander might be the Not Evil one here

hand of malevolence would go so hard as like a window decoration

ur telling me john knew what a Hand of Malevolence was and didnt link it to the dark world

NOOO DUMBASS

ummm 😟 whats all this then

YORICK :3333 HIIII :3

what 😀

"john" :3

HAHA what is going on bruh

OMG WHAGT 😃😃😃 thats banger

"thank you i think"

:(( aw alexander IS evil :((((((

she? 🤕

OHHH IS IT LILITH IS IT LILITH PLS LILITH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

lilith and kayne are having a custody battle over them funny as hell

OHHH she was in the portal

TEEHEE WE'RE HER FAVORITE :33

dont confront her i feel

but theyre BOTH terrible at lying🤕

they're cooked i fear

hes DYING😟😟😟😟😟😟

An Owl Being Strange

flies are insects darling

they finally appreciate yorick :)

john we dont have time for this omg

HAHA silly asf

they have a safeword now

harlan's really making us work for it like im gonna forget this if they dont point it out

the candle has been running out for hours fr

nooo :( r we approaching the ending

how do we still have like 15 minutes left

HAHA this is so funny theyre roleplaying

theyre yes-and'ing like theatre kids

i mean i bet she noticed yall were gone for a solid 15 minutes

so is the king in yellow just not a threat anymore like did we defeat him i forgot

are we in an alternate universe then

i know far too much!🤓☝️

arthur caught the decima virus i fear

STOP COUGHING im so worried

arthur needs his vaccines fr

is he gonna faint

"and if i am sick-" "you are😐"

OH the ring

hes really gonna go over there and spread his plague around 🙄

i feel like arthur wont even make it to the castle🤒

he coughs like a dad

"lean on me" maybe if you had a physical form😐

oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck

we just have to wing it i guess

its WHAT😨

what is going on man 😟

UM😦🤕

WHAAT THATS IT? wtf

[wannaeatramyeon]

not a request, i just have no friends that like lookism who i can rant about this to.

my brain cannot stop thinking about gun and goo with a s/o that is very feminine but in the way that a porcelain doll is feminine. like pretty and delicate but with an underlying creepiness in an uncanny valley way.

like holds gun and goos hand while walking down the street and part of the people walking past are scared of gun and goo but then they look at her and are like "😰" because there is something so off about her.

gun and goo going inside a store and getting something because they know that any man who tries anything will see that creepy doll-like stare and immediately walk away.

i dont know, theres just something about femininity of porcelain dolls that goes so well with gun and goo in my brain and i just needed to tell someone about this worm in my brain.

thank you for reading my rant, its greatly appreciated, my mind needed to put this SOMEWHERE.

Me about to say of course anyone ending up with Gun and/or Goo would be deranged. As a fandom we breeze over what horrific monsters they are then... this happened. Some things just write itself almost instantly. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me anon!!

Gun Park x Reader x Goo Kim: Soulless

F reader. A strange throupling. If you want horny, this is not it.

Crystal isn't sure if it is a stroke of genius or temporary lapse of sanity from her father to pair Gun Park and Goo Kim together.

Like oil and water; if the oil and the water was both highly toxic and would guarantee a painful death.

Nevertheless, it got the job done.

Yet when you were introduced, an odd addition and forming a throuple, Crystal worked hard to not show the confusion on her face.

True, her hyungs are very handsome in their own right and it would make sense they match up with someone equally beautiful.

But your doll-like, 'look you the wrong way and you may shatter' appearance seemed completely at odds with Gun and Goo.

And then she shook your hand, looked into your eyes and it all clicked.

Quite simply, there was nothing there. Vacant, soulless.

A void not dissimilar to Gun Park.

The polite 'hello' and stretched smile also reminiscent of Goo Kim.

Beneath your pretty layers, your pink and your frills are further hints of your true nature. Faint markings around your collarbone, dried blood below your manicure, dust and dirt marring your footsteps.

As Gun and Goo debriefed Crystal on HNH comings and goings, you simply sat there. One hand around Gun's arm and head resting on Goo's shoulder.

Staring and quiet. Expression unreadable. Just... existing.

You laughed when you were supposed to, added to the conversation when you should.

As if waiting for your cue. Even your blinks seem scripted.

Finally, when Crystal departs, she locks eyes with you for the last time.

A sense of drowning overwhelms her. Like she is treading water over an abyss, waiting for whatever is lurking to engulf her whole.

Feeling as if she would fall into your darkness forever, she couldn't repress the shiver down her spine.

[desert-flowerz]

Fellow theory friend! Okay, here’s my pitch:

Kris isn’t the Knight. But something is possessing them, other than us, that is.

The crux of this theory is that when Kris gets out of bed to pull their SOUL out, at the end of Chapter 1, they don’t walk normally. They shake around in bed, throw themself onto the floor, and then zombie-shamble to the middle of the room. Kris is perfectly capable of walking normally, as seen throughout the chapter, like when they follow Susie to the door of the closet, or saving Susie from the King of Spades. So why are they walking so strangely, before they remove their SOUL?

(Another, albeit weaker example, is in Chapter 2, where they randomly fall down, before removing their SOUL in the bathroom.)

My theory? Kris is being controlled by two separate entities, the Player, and something else; the Knight. This explains why Kris is opening fountains despite Ralsei explaining that that would be very bad for everyone, and why they slashed their own car’s tires–it’s part of some other entity’s plan, being enacted through Kris, the same way we are able to enact our own plans or ideas through Kris. It fits thematically.

Yes I know this is sort of off the wall, but I think there’s some merit to it.

FELLOW THEORY FRIEND, HELLO!

i fear this is gonna be less about kris knight theory and more of an argument in adversion to the third entity theory but OH WELL.

SO to begin — yes, kris' movements are odd before the removal of the soul, but after rewatching the scenes in question over a few times, i think this a result of kris struggling to move of their own accord while we have control as opposed to evidence of another force puppeteering them. kris is a "heart on a chain", as spamton puts it — there's only so much they can do before they take out the soul, its why it gets taken out in the first place, something a third entity wouldnt habe to do if they could simply override our control of kris. but if you look, particuraly at the chapter one ending — kris' movements seem to become more natural after the removal of their soul. not entirely, obviously, but they do move a little bit faster, a little bit smoother. they seem less jagged and uncoordinated, and more deliberate.

but then, why are their movemebts still odd at all after our control is gone? well, they're moving detatched from their soul. it's not like the situation we see with flowey in undertale, he simply doesnt have a soul. no, kris' soul exists, its very much intact — but it's detatched from them physically. but id imagine even outside of their body, it's still the culmination of their being. and its still chained. I dont think you. an fukly detatch from your soul, not with what we know about souls based on descriptions.

also ... they're pulling out a knife in ch1. im pretty sure most people are cautious with knives, especislly with kris angling the blade upwards like??? no get that away from.your face dumbass CMON /j

but on a serious note, similar goes for both scene in chapter two — though, in the bathroom scene in particular, theyre admittedly more affected even after the removal of the soul than they were in chapter one. but, again ,, theyre acting away from their soul. i can't explain why they'd be more affected here, but no angle I've tried look at it from would explain why a third entity would have less control here, either. so the inconsistency makes little sense either way.

in the very last scene, the one where they make a dark fountain — we dont see all of it, but especially the last moments before the fountain ia made — theyre movements are fluid. they dont seem to be having too .jch difficulty.

all this to say, i dont think movement alone is enough to say theres some third entity. especially with what I'm aboit to follow up with —

and, this might be a bit away from topic, but what would even be the pu purposerpose of a third entity in deltarune?

because i can't agree that it fits thematically. a big part of deltarune so far is to bend the usual relationship between protagonist and player. that was the point of the final scene of chapter one, and it was highlighted and reaffirmed throughout the course of chapter two through kris showing a few more of their own reactions (saying certain thinga with enthusiasm or lack thereof, showing annoyance after susie makes a joke about the piano, the whole spamton neo aftermath) — the final scene of chapter two is a culmination of this, result of a steady build up. a direct showcase thst kris' motives directly clash with what we as the player are doing— kris creating dark fountains, us attempting to seal them. the intensity is lost if you bring a third entity in. protagonist vs player is a narrative that, at least as i see it, holds far more weight and resonates exceedingly more than protagonist vs player vs some third thing.

furthermore, i feel the idea of a third entity entirely strips away any interest of kris as a character — reducing them from a complex individual with their own goals and morals, to a simple puppet of the plot — the exact opposite point of kris' character as a whole. they easily could have been more of a blank slate, similar to frisk, but they're not. they're supposed to be their own person, distinctly seperate from the player. the point of thst is lost if you assign their most interesting actions to the idea of some other possessor.

i can't see any reason for there to be a third entity without it simply existing to wash kris down into a less defined, more "morally standard" character, which honestly doesn't sit right with me.

but those are just my thoughts!! i know this got really off topic really fast from kris knight theory, but i couldn't really make an argument for that based purely on whether a third entity exists or not — personally, third entity theories arent ones i ascribe to in the slightest, but its interesting to hear other peoples thoughts!

[mybloodonthepage]

"so ocd."

three letters you curse, like its halfway the same, like your clouded sky compares to my plains which are flooded every day by this painful rain and you have the nerve to laugh how i'm "strange" because sometimes i have to lock myself away, just to keep from causing a break i can't fix 'cause of some thought i had that day and you have the nerve to just laugh and claim when you dye your hair it's all somehow the same without stopping to recognise all of the pain that i have spent hours learning to face and i carry with me every fucking day but you spit out my illness and make it sound foul like being a clean freak is somehow all around an identical habit to fighting a sound thats screaming from inside my head, far too loud you tell me that my mind is dragging you down my thoughts are burning all your sacred ground but i'm the one who had to fight not to drown and i'm the one bearing the weight of this cloud is it real if i don't wear this pain like a crown? if i dont tell the world, then it feels like i've found an excuse for the ups but never the downs, not the days when it feels like i'm the stormcloud and i break my own heart on all those bad days, so i sometimes spend hours washing bloodstains; they're always my own but i know that'd change if the voice at the back moved forward in my brain so i lock myself out every time there's a blade and i don't walk away from the safe spot of shade under the eaves where my i keep my pain caged 'cause i don't want to watch it all get away and create a victim that has to be saved by the people i see on tv every day and maybe that's why i keep feeling this way maybe none of this will ever feel remotely okay

i feel myself fall apart when i close that door and it all falls apart every time there's a storm cause i wonder what it's like to feel it all worn, feel the rain on your skin and feel lightning scorn when it shocks your soul right into the dawn like that guy on the show that i watched in the fall and i don't know when i lost my train of thought or if i even ever had one at all five minutes ago my brain ached to close doors, now i'm thinking of him, dead in the storm but he found a way to fight back, turn the score so its one point for him and none for the lord and i wish that were some inspiration for me, and i wish it gave spirit to fight my own grief all the demons that stand in the corner and keep me up at night crying, stopping the sleep that even i realise i desperately need but theres nothing i can even try to be other than the broken shell you can see with all of these cracks and slowly ripping seams; i'm a scared little kid even though i'm a teen, so maybe that character won't ever be me and maybe i just won't survive the lightning, instead feel every day of this pain i can't leave

– n.

[blightroach]

long post abt sylvia this time :)

sylvia is a little less concrete than quinn in terms of personality for the sole reason of being ur stand-in for the game. the different choices radically change sylvia's secondary personality (things that arent core beliefs and values) but i think they all still complement her main personality, which is "i love my friends and family" and "theres good in everyone, they deserve second chances" and "god damn i wish i had money to spend on treats and gifts for myself and my friends"

what i learned doing my low friendship dialogue choices run is that sylvia... is so much more extreme than everyone else, which is so strange bc everyone else is literally a heightened trope of some kind?? bear with me bc im writing this at ass o clock again and my memory is a plinko machine but the choices in the dialogue are basically opposite sides of the same coin. best example is a dialogue exchange between saffron (i THINK rank 4?? or 5 correct me on this): saffron makes a joke abt the shop probably not surviving a stiff breeze and the choices are "this will be the death of me" or "its a work on progress" and both of them read as "ive been working on this shop since i started" but the difference being "how do i want to express my current state of feeling about it." in my mind, both of these exist at the same time because lets be honest, any long term, effort intensive project WILL have both ups and downs. but the challenge also lies in YOU the player on how you feel abt it + how you feel what the NPC will agree more. notice how sylvia is NOT in the consideration !! bc sylvias already baked into the choices! she hates the shitty shop's current state but damn she can still be proud at how much work she put into it. both can exist at the same time! and both are right :)

essentially all dialogue choices are canon. to me. even the ones where sylvia seems ignorant (corsac spewjay encounter, roxanne thousand pyres) or rude (xid rank 9, muktuk great work reveal) because sometimes... u really are just ignorant and rude. it seems kind of against her core personality but ive made mistakes like that too. u can see how, despite making the "poor" choices, sylvia still ends up reconciling/recognizing her shortcomings and eventually amending her words to reaffirm that shes there for her friend! maybe she will make a remark that the other is completely against but she learns from it and immediately makes up for her with a bit more grace, tact and empathy. she genuinely loves her friends!!!

this also falls in w the friendship choices vs romance choices thing. this is a little bit more headcanon on my part but u will listen to me. i think sylvia's a massive flirt but only bc she uses it as a fallback/coping mechanism for her more... anxious+defeatist side. strange but i think that side of hers shines thru every now and again (her defeatist thoughts are definitely more apparent in early game but she definitely has WAYYY more anxiety than ppl may perceive). anyways i say this bc social interactions take a lot of finesse, even to extroverts who thrive on it, and coupled with her anxiety, i think sylvia finds it easy to wiggle into ppls good graces when u kinda get the other person a little flustered thru sincere compliments. like, it takes off an edge in the interaction bc sylvias able to set the tone of the conversation that way and makes it easier for her to relieve her anxiety abt, well, her own anxieties pushing thru the conversation.

i feel like shes always worried (not withstanding the stress mechanic lol shes a woman on the edge) but more like a generalized anxiety abt things. dont u have fallbacks when u get anxious? things u do so u can gain a bit of control over the situation? the flirting does that for sylvia! i think its her way of just keeping track of herself. (also why the rejections are like that too: shes not gonna hurt her friends by trailing them along like that so the rejections are always clear cut but at that point, sylvia's anxieties would be overridden by her perception of their close friendship. friendship is power u know. but yeah, that friendship reaffirming conversation after a rejection is sylvia's way of tamping out that anxiety and helping her wean out of flirting now as a crutch)

also flat out she should be bigger. labor intensive job means ur always hungry. guess who talks abt food whenever she gets money? yeah. she has the body of a construction worker, i know those arms are solid as fuck, i dont care what baptiste said abt her arms not being able to hold up his dense body. girl SYLVIA is dense in every meaning. my babygirl who has problems

[ixxivvv]

traumabonded

oneshot. no tw. gn reader

alcohol mention (no drinking, just that kind of setting)

ajax is just being A Guy that thinks you are really pretty

love can be a strange thing, its not like ajax or childe or tartaglia- and y/n have a lot in common.

but we did, in a way it did.

our reasons differ. our experiences up to this point. our upbringing differs. it did for all these strangers now here, around the hastly made warmth in the cold outdoor night. just a spot in town, a community spot of strangers that would be the type to walk around at night.

bottles of hard liqour and broken glass. runaways burying their heads in their coats to sleep. dont know them but they looked around to be in their teens.

those still awake trying to keep the party going by blasting through the portable speakers. or the adults bonding over cigarettes and making local talk. these people ranged from homeless, to sex workers, workers blue and white that all have their reasons or none to bond with a community and share a drink together.

around the homemade hastly made firepit away from it all, y/n curled up into a ball for warmth. staring into the fire, takes in the surroundings a bit more.

a towel with dried blood, trash piled in the corner, wrappers to some snacks, and.. a certain ginger. the majority seem to have wandered off home or sonewhere off.

"hey, girlie." he takes your shoulder and sits down next to y/n.

"oh, hey." y/n accepts the gesture. y/n still dazed off into the firepit, watching the blue tips crackle. childe, or ajax in this moment, looks into y/ns face.

"just tired.. i switched to drinking soda." y/n mentioned, a rough voice from the fatigue of socialising.

"oh, i get it, haha.." ajax, still trying to flirt. you just appriciated the physical warmth and the tension you two have with each other. you both seem to somewhat meet time and time again in this spot.

theres a kind of lingering in this place, like moths near a lamp post. or stray cats huddled for communion. you both sit near the fire, chatting over nothing. he opens his legs and clinks his toes together, the sound of boots. he has this way of being childish when he talked about his interests, but you get it. you think its kinda cute, actually. you decided to kitten play into it a bit, since he still has your arm around your shoulder.

you sighed, quietly leaning into him. the fire still crackled- he became silent and just appreciated your company. he breaks the silence, after some while. you didnt notice he would glance to you time and time again. you were that tired, just in general from it all.

"y/n?" "mhm?" as you hum.

"look at me." "why?"

for the first time, you decided to look into him. whatever happens, i guess. he is a cute guy. this wasn't a case of just wanting a friend that "accidentally" falls in love for you just because y/n was a person.

childe.. or..? "uh, mhm," you mutter, feeling embarassed that you were going to ask the question you had in mind. all under he was smiling softly into you.

"what is it?" "mhm, uh, sorry to ask this, is it okay?" you hang a ringlet of hair behind your ear, suggesting attentiveness. "what, is your, real name?"

the ginger, opens his eyes. "oh, my real name?" he turns around, making sure no one will hear his answer. he sighed and looked down.

"ajax." you peek up, your eyes glitter.

"really?" "yeah." he rubs your back, still softly smiling.

"okay.. uh, ajax?" he hums in return, now engulfing a part of you with his big cape coat. a little gasp emits from you from the sudden proximity.

"yes?" he giggles, clearly wanting to tease you out of into your literal shell. "please, we aren't even dating.." you mutter out of embarassment. it strung a chord in you.

ajax, now hurt, "oh... sorry." sulking, he let go. the cold seems to sting. you too, start drawing on the ground with your finger to self soothe. ".. im sorry." you feeling sincere.

"is that, in a never kind of way?" he looks into you, like an afraid hunter wanting to handle a fragile flower. you were his flower, when he already harshly knows he's not exactly a pure clean saint. he prided in his aggression, destruction, power... but he suddenly felt a sense of fear, the kind that didn't excite him- but a pit. a chord, rather but a deep strum he thought he had lost and left behind somewhere.

he knew in this moment, that he feared rejection from you. his pupils widen, as he looked into you, still drawing circles on the ground.

you peep up, and prohaps, he wasn't someone that just... wanted to play around with you. or maybe you wanted to hope again. you dismiss it, you hate confrontation or the any potential of anything your anxiety and past experiences your mind was creating. but ajax.. dosen't have to know all that.

".. its okay, i promise. im not mad. i just, got a little, y'know." you dismiss and let a breathe out your nose. ajax, now beams back into the moment, trying not to mess it all up again. y/n could tell he's all like "good, let's try again.." you almost started to, in a way, feel bad that this guy likes you. but, you'd let it be. you could almost just tell that he just wants to cheer you up or make you smile or even loosen up to him. or did he? your mind whispers.

it must be from all the drinks.

[redswaberkez]

I want your corkscrew hcs!!! just rly anything. It can be fun stuff like his favorite soda or fave movies. Maybe some stuff specific to living in Russia that I'd have no idea was a thing otherwise if u got anything like that! I feel like all my hcs for him will be so lacking because I know so little about living there, but living in Sweden has rly upped my love for learning all the lil mundane differences in daily life from country to country

Okay small and specific shtop hcs leggoo

OUFFF my time has come i guess....finally expirience living in *there* would be useful lmao FIRST of all i wanna mention this one russian song in goin postal playlist

i think its a tribute in shtopors honor. bc like why else rws would put this ru song in there???

ANYWAY.

im not really good at explaining my feelings so im gonna throw a bunch of memes that has STRONG SHTOP VIBES. Memes are the ultimate association language right? im not apologising for klukva (stereotype memes) bc?? original dude is lit basic american trash so errything he knows abt russia is a bunch of stereotypes. makes sense ig

ok now here goes ru memes💥💥💥💥💥

(2nd pic: your pigs grunt violates the laws of the Ural (including shutting the rotten mug up, p.18) and i told my bois about it. I hope, your identity will be established. When crossing the border of Ekaterinburg you will kicked the fuck out with bicycle chains. This is Ural, not Moscow) (3rd pic: [i] hate the rednecks)

Ok NOW ONE SPECIFIC THING. once i mentioned that hes an airbone and here, when the national airbone day comes, its a common joke that the ones who served in it will jump into a fontains like PARATROOPERS WOOHOOOO. yea.

Tbh its really hard to tell where is the diff between your culture (i.e ur everyday life) and others when theres nothing to compare with. BUT. ill try

His concept of personal boundaries is really strange and fucked up compare to others bc here [russia] we r suspicious as hell (imo.) but also like a big family. but the cracked one. Or kinda sorta like that. BUT at the same time he is ready to help everyone who need it and he will not ask any questions. Also he would let live his friends in his small flat if they needed to. It would be really tricky tho. Also shtop is really REALLY LOUD. in every sense of the word

Shtopor knows how to survive in harsh conditions. How to make not-that-bad-edible food out of canned food. Just google navy-styled macaroni! (or Makarony po-flotski) yeass NAVY styled aaand hes the "army one". Out of all dudes at least shtop knows how to COOK. blini, macaroni, syrniki, okroshka, - all of it actually cheap, easy and real tasty. LOOK AT OKROSHKA I MEANNNN. cold soup of raw vegetables. ok.

Shtopor one of those dudes who is a coldfucker. He is actually low-temperatures-proof. (small preface) shtop is an eastern orthodox. AND ANOTHER ONE russkaya zabava. When the baptism of jesus comes we have a tradition to cut out the ICE HOLE in the river AND JUMP INTO IT 👍 or another similar thing when ur hot after the banya you fall into a snowdrift. (banya is like sauna or steam bath. u rarely go to the banya alone.) ((public banyas divides to male and female, commonly yall naked in there, now imagine shtops in public banya and his bi neuron activation haahahah)) (personay i dont really like public banyas cuz its PUBLIC)

Another notable mention i think shtop is actually dgaf what to whatch on tv but he likes to talk with it. That sofa commentators type of ppl u know em. After a really looong day he would mix vodka and beer, sat down in front of tv and gave his VERY IMPORTANT COMMENTS ON LITERALLY EVERY THEME IN THE WORLD in until he fell asleep.

Russian curse words is veeery various, it can contain a lot of definition for one word, but be different on vibes and occasions to use it. U can say an entire sentence without a single cultural word in it. And therefore shtop complains about the lack of swear words in english and often swears in Russian. "--da blyaaaaat' kak zhe zae- -- OH gimme this gun. you started speaking russian which means things are bad." ill brb later with more things but now im kinda tired rn so here u go.

[viro-lil-goat]

ghost au

Again shoutout to this post

For now im skipping 🔴👁️ hyde and 🟢👁️ jekyll since theres more info on it

Theres also another ghost au by @/bansheeoftheforest ^^ dont remember that much about it from discord except the fact that jekyll is a singular ghost there, since its been a long time. But if anyone's interested you can check it out too, i think theres also a fanfic on it.

Anyway! Heres a VERY old drawing (like, 2021 probably) i had to edit it bc the quality is dogshit.

So yeah its pretty old i dont remember much but here we go In this au, i didnt really made a particular reason for their/his death, either something like accidental poisoning, murder or just soul leaving the body as its in a coma state.

Rachel and Robert notice that Jekyll is missing, and at the same time weird things happenning in Society of Mad Scientists. Like is there was a ghost or perhaps a poltergeist.?

So of course, they go to Maijabi, the only person in Society who specialises on that kind of thing

He investigates, and does notice that there is infact a new ghost in society. He only needs for it/them to cooparate. He does something like a summoning ritual, and gives Rachel and Robert mixture that would let them see this ghost.

(new addition ) Meanwhile ghost Henry dosent want to show up, but Edward does. He wants to come in contact with Rachel . They summon them, and as they see that it's Jekyll, they are in shock, but its only the start, as ghost turns around they notice Hyde. And at this point they are stunned and dont know what to say, is this real? Are they dead? Why? And most importantly, why the hell they are connected into one?

I remember also imagining j&h ghost being kinda zomby like for some reason, like when R, L, and M summon them i imagined them saying something like:

Я ø b ë r t ЯR æ ç h ê l

As they try to reach their shocked friends. (Ooo body horror too 👻)

The first summoning ends, and Rachel and Robert dont know how to process what they have just witnessed.

Maijabi is also stunned, he remarks he has never seen anything like that before

R and L dont understand how that could be explained, Robert is especially in denial. As they calm down a little with a cup of tea, Maijabi tries to explain what he thinks about this, but the main conclusion is that Jekyll and Hyde are dead (duh XD) and thats not some sort of illusion. He knows an actual ghost when he sees one. Lanyon and Rachel cant believe it, their precious friend is dead, for Rachel its even worse because Hyde is also.

On the second summoning Maijabi finally gets to examine this strange case. His conclusion from this time, is that its not two souls tied together, but instead one soul split in two, and yet, not fully.

(new addition) And then its most likely Hyde is the one to tell the truth, Jekyll is so stubborn he wouldn't tell it even when hes dead.

Now that i think about it, i recall they are all goopy and zomby like because their soul is literally falling apart (since its already split).

The ending, as i recall, was something like Jekyll finally accepting himself, and his soul becoming one again, by that they fuse and Jekyll becomes fully himself again, and finding peace. And Lanyon, Rachel and lodgers as they find out of course – mourning.

(New addition) but if his body was in a coma state, after fusing, he would wake up, but finally fully himself again(could be an alternative ending if them fully dying is too sad ^^).

Thats it with the au , but on topic, of back then and still i believe that before drinking the amongus potion™ back in University, and basically his whole life he was fully himself, except for the fact he had a facade, but after drinking the potion, at first it was still his self, but with time they sapatated more and more. Now rarely able to control each other (red eyed hyde and green eyed jekyll), they can only watch and feel physical sences of the other half while they are in control.

Well, at least thats from my logical standpoint, but in general despite that, i still see them as sapatate, for example i really like Hyde but kinda neutral towards Jekyll, not negative, just don't like him just as much even tho they're the same person.

[tenaciouschronicler]

November 26 2024 2009

I keep writing these so late in the evening. Its almost tomorrow, you cant type that fast.

I find it very interesting that these last few days have switched between each kid, sans Dave, kinda giving us a moment to re orient ourselves as to where we are in each of their narratives.

Rose has found some very pink, princess coded furniture that is very out of place for a secret underground lab. Theres cats, wizards and the most precious little mutant kitten.

Before the surprise cat, Rose actually was going to listen to the command suggestion to 'Be the Rider' which is a surprise in itself. Seeing the pony in Roses imagination made me think of a few things. First, how were you gonna ride the pony if Im pretty sure its still back in the main house? Then, realizing the pony has a heart on its flank that matches the hearts on the bed spread. And lastly, that pose Rose imagines looks very suspiciously like a wizard holding out a wand. I though you didnt like wizards, hm? These little connections really want you to see that this is all probably Moms stuff. But why is this all here and is it really her things or were these things she gave Rose that she grew out of? Though Rose does state its 'a little odd' and its up for debate if its because shes never seen this stuff or she also finds their location strange.

Now someone correct me if Im wrong, but I dont think Ive seen John with such a flat expression on his face.

In the next panel he and his slime shirt are both frowning (which Ive gotta say, having his shirt mirror his expressions is one of my favorite things). But here, something about it really conveys his apprehension to jumping down. John acts like its all just because of how crazy the room might be with harlequins if its Dads personal space. I dont buy it. Its more like all the addrenaline rush is leaving and hes realizing what hes thinking of doing. Hes never seen Dads room, hes never felt the need to. In another time, maybe his curiosity gets the better of him and he sneaks a peek and gets caught, or Dad finally invites John in to share his secrets once John has become a man. Here, Dad isnt around to tell John yes or no, scold him or embrace him. Its John deciding for himself, whether Dad finds out or not, if it even matters given everything thats happened, and he jumps right in.

Jade is making her way to the exit and I have to say these panels are interesting.

First off, that head in the top left corner kinda looks like one of the ogres John defeated but with massive tusks. Then theres the massive fireplace which is later shown to be taller than her Gandpa, with the pit area looking like a door. Honestly that fireplace doesnt look very safe from what we can see if the rooms floor really extends into it. Anyone could walk right into it if they werent careful. Curiously the fireplace is half purple and half yellow, colors weve seen so far associated with the dark and light kingdoms. And at the top a framed picture of Jade, pretty standard in most homes with a fireplace to be honest (everyday I live with the knowledge theres a very large picture of my quinceñera for everyone to see in my parents living room). I think this is the first time weve seen a human in clothes that arent white as Jade sports a... dress? maybe? i dont know something with capped sleeves in the same yellow shade as the kingdom of light. That in itself is enough to make me scratch my head with questions. Before she can make it past the "houseguests", Grandpa appears silouhetted by flames holding a giant gun that my brain keeps wanting to say is a bazooka. Please tell me they arent gonna strife with guns if he is.

I think the best part about it though is seeing that this is indeed so common Dave has used it before for SBAHJ.

I hope hes finished falling down the stairs.

[gorgugplushie]

(paceplace) / honestly ttcc writing is very messy i agree. i love the game to bits and dissecting it but the flaws in it are as enriching to pick apart as it is frustrating to discover. it really, truly does break my heart that toons aren't as appreciated as the cogs and i wish there were toon characters you could focus on in the same way the mgrs are. the NPCs you meet along the taskline are charming and i adore every single one of them but as much as i personally like them i don't think its enough to capture people's attention in the broad sense.

irt my qualms w/ how ttcc handles its game i think one of the many main issues boils down to the fact that they're disorganized. their issue w/ how lore has been distributed has been addressed twice by the team itself iirc (once in th same tweet where they confirmed fire\\setter as canon and once in their writers backstage post from around a yr ago). their writers backstage post helped give a little more perspective on why the lore was scattered around Like That.

as all over the place as the lore is, i do feel it's important to mention that they said in their backstage writers post they plan on eventually migrating all of their social media comics to the website so things like the rain\\diver comic is very likely to still be canon they just haven't added it in yet. idk why they don't add it around the same time its posted on social media my guess is maybe they're still trying to organize all the lore or redo some of it since its so all over the place (a couple of the comics we have rn on their website that are considered canon has info that was technically retconned) but yeah. i have hope that the way they handle their lore and (hopefully!) their taskline when they get around to rewriting it will improve in the later updates. i try very hard to stay on top w/ clash's lore esp since i have ppl come to me w/ questions regarding clash's story, characters, etc. but sometimes it is Very headache-inducing so i sympathize w/ how confusing/frustrating it is to a casual player. or just any lore-enjoyer tbf. i swear on my life i almost went crazy trying to make a timeline with btl

anyways you don't have to answer this if you don't want (i gen. apologize for the wall of text i really tried to get straight to the point w/ what i'm saying. and even then there's still a lot i wanted to say) but i'm really glad to see discussions on it. oftentimes criticism gets mistaken for hate and it shuts the entire convo which Peeves me. even if w/e's being criticized turns out to fall flat its better to address or talk about it than it is to not, imo.

Yes, exactly! I agree with all the points you've made here.

It's so strange to me that ttcc doesn't really lean into more how the cogs affect the toons, or toon society for all that matter, its a wonder people are so baised with cogs because we really dont get anything about toons. Their less part of the game and more set peices for this war, which sucks!

Theres obviously alot more room to write about toon lore and it would be easier to implement it in game, yet it gets brushed aside to further characterize the cogs and thats sad bc alot of the toons are cute and unique! Ttcc has great toon designs!

I also have to agree with the way the lore is handled, id even go as far to say big updates themsleves are handled in a frankly. Unprofessional manner. I mean, compare the update live streams done in jokey powerpoint slides to ttrs panles where they talk about progress on the updates. We really get little to no inside information until it's already ready to drop. Sure the game updates more regularly but all these updates are starting to feel like filler and padding. I at least can hope that hammerspace and mix and match at least come with some toon lore?

Its a shame that alot of what drew me into this game ends up weighing it down : (

Also yeah lol i didnt main tag this for a reason i do want to keep the discussion open! But all great points!