#ive never posted about them and I probably never will
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something something i need to reread ask error but. do you think like. error paps keeps souls in bubbles right? that could be his collection.
and more on that. collection of humans who were specifically doing no good very bad genocide runs? not killing the entire au but taking the human out of the picture entirely.
anyways that reminds me of that one au i havent talked about where. berror feels his chara is specifically at too much of a risk after his au is restored so. since they probably remember the full of what happened with error...
he kind of. takes them to the omega timeline to live with him. they have the nickname of "bud". like flower bud.
its like... i think bud would be fine with that. all of what happened with error... it made them feel like they couldnt live a normal life like they used to, not with how everyone didnt know. not even their frisk knew.
I think error papyrus is WAY too malicious for going out of his way to help people THAT much…. Too freaky…. No… i think he emotionally manipulates people in unfortunate situations into willingly going with him, like a reverse core frisk. Then they’re either bubbled or just kinda trapped in an empty au/void they cant escape. He says things like “i think he needs a friend!!” But also uses words like KEEP. Nice people dont KEEP lonely people. He sounds totally possessive to me . Maybe he also does something like keeping bad human souls in bubbles? But i dont think he’d do it to help people, maybe to manipulate people from aus he takes them from into trusting him? Idk. Hes a freak. This is also just my take ypur thing could also be true
I LOVEEE blueberror taking care of children in the omega timeline…. Hed be sososos sad living alone.. And i ADORE ideas of blueberror and charas friendship… all the things theyd only have each other to relate to about…..Wonderful au ..
#i personally thing his soul bubble thing is way more personal than doing it to a bunch of humans#like why would he just carry the one around if it wasnt?#maybe he knew them or something#maybe they were from his au#it is also funny to imagine him having crystal gem bubbling powers though#i also have my own au where blueberror adopts an outertale chara in the omega timeline#they like him because he reminds them of people from outertale(with his little stars)#and he likes them not specifically because theyre a chara#more because they struggle with violent thoughts and impulses he is also struggling with#and he feels like he could help them#of course in that au blueberror also kidnapped errors kids and had a little freak baby with shattered (DIVORCED) so they have siblings too#ive never posted about them and I probably never will#they live in my brain#and thats where theyll stay ❤️#not a daily#error papyrus#ramblings#answered asks#you were quick to send this ask like literally minutes after i posted error papyrus#tjats impressive
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wait for me
#iiiiii dont know what kind of emotion i was trying to convey with this. i wanted to do a character exploration with my pmd hero and partner#which got away from me a little. i hc the hero has complicated emotions around their past which they dont remember#and i get the sense it leans into growing up without a childhood bc you dedicate your entire life trying to save the world#so now that they finally have a second chance to grow up properly they wanna take their time yk?? and yeah ik evolution =/= maturity#i remember seeing a post about an elderly treecko from pokeani speculating you could grow really old without ever evolving#but in human terms of maturity. even though you cant remember anything about being human it conflicts with what you know#and its probably just a gimmick when partner just tells me what we're supposed to do next every time i talk to them bc it#progresses the story but i also like thinking they want to grow up so badly and do everything all at once#compared to hero who knows what its like to grow up before youre an adult and wants to slow down#im repeating myself a lot here but i swear its smth ive feltmany times over and never found a good answer to. or what i would tell someone#i didnt base neptunes flowers on anything specifically but i looked into flower symbolism and it seems buttercups represent childhood#marmalade's flower crown is meant to be periwinkles which symbolize sincere friendship and unbreakable bonds#i love themb ;__;#my art#myart#comics#doodles#pmd#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd ocs#pmd2#neptune#marmalade#team satellite#pokemon#eye contact#scopo#sort of?
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Different standards
#didnt mean to do this one in quote unquote colour but it wasnt legible without it so. heres a treat i suppose#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isat loop#isat bonnie#lucabyteart#coughs up a lung. anyway. ramble time as per usual. this is what i was warming up for btw in case it wasnt obvious#besides being another entry in the 'letting bonnie read loop for filth on accident' series. this is mostly self indulgent musings on#headcanons (and i will just use that word here.) ive previously rambled about in other tags and posts#namely: in the scenario that loop integrates into the party as a New Person for quite a while before The Truth Come Out. i feel they have#a decent chance at really scoring a slam dunk in becoming a guardian figure for bonnie? loop's demeanor is already colder and a tiny#bit more level-headed than siffrin's in the way they seem to discuss bonnie with them. namely pointing out that bonnie#never really hated them. it seems to be one thing they're genuinely at peace with? they've seen by now the truth that bonnie#was just scared and upset. and likely now knows that what bonnie wants is to be treated with grown-up respect within reason. plus loop#already scores bonus points with bonnie since they didnt 1. fuck up bad like sif did in act 5 and 2. saved sif in the party's eyes#... but then when it turns out that this clean-slate relationship with a stranger was siffrin being deceitful? must have been odd.#bonnie seems to really dislike being lied to. the question is whether they'd see it that way? would they feel betrayed there?#anyway. this is set after all those emotions are at least settled some. loop able to be more physically affectionate... and yet#still not letting themselves be quite as close as they'd like perhaps. perhaps...#anyway translucent pyjamas because i dont care if you're comforting a crying child you've GOT to SERVE!!!#and also i feel like the party probably wouldn't let loop stay completely naked for that long. especially not post-reveal anyway
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Your silent protagonist doesn't have to use sign language btw. They don't have to write things down, either. They don't have to use language at all. Not every single person who doesn't talk can use words the same as you, or use them at all, so your favorite silent character shouldn't have to use what you consider a grammatical language to communicate in your fanart and fics. AAC exists. Drawing exists. Gestures and body language exist. Btw.
#i said ''your silent protagonist'' bc i feel like that'd hit close with the most people but i truly mean anyone that doesn't talk#ive seen it happen SO MANY TIMES its like ''this character never uses oral words'' and every post about them ignores it or uses sign#or they already have their own language or their language difficulties have been addressed and it STILL HAPPENS. like cassandra cain#who's like me.#inumaki toge#link#link loz#loz#legend of zelda#trainer red#champion red#red pokemon#HES MY FAVORITE HIS SPEECH ARC RESEMBLES MINE SO CLOSELY#pokemon rgby#pokemon hgss#ik sun/moon and usum are there too. so many tags#controversial one here probably but#chell#portal#cass cain#cassandra cain#batgirl#batman#fandom ableism#:)))))))))))#NOT AN EXAMPLE BC IT'S LITERALLY THE COMICS WHO MADE HIM THIS WAY BUT#JONO STARSMORE#language disorder#bi rambles#ive seen exactly one fic where red has an LD. my lifeblood. also shoutout peaks and valleys for his writing difficulties. ask me abt red pls
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*drags myself through the floor and slams this down*
I present to you
FULLMETAL BARTENDERS AVIAN AU
Divine Nugget Au
(Rant as to why I chose the White-throated Needletail as Blurr's bird and some minor AU lore under the cut)
And that's not all! It comes with a FULL FLEDGED COMIC!!!!!
I spent a whole fucking week on this
I haven't done a comic in 4 years now, I can't believe this is my come-back XD. Though, on that note, know that I probably won't be pumping out any more comics - not any time soon, at least. But I do got more stuff planned for this au! If you ask about it, I'll 100% rant about it LOL
Tw// ⚠️mild gore in the 3rd panel⚠️
While exploring the woods with his team, Swerve had an unfortunate encounter with a crazed hunter. In an attempt to escape, he got injured, but it seems he wasn't the only one caught in the crossfire...
.
.
Okay
So when you look up what the fastest bird in the world is, Google with show the Peregrin Falcom
But there's a catch
The Peregrine is only fast when diving
When it dives to catch its prey, it can go up to 389km/h
Which yeah, pretty fast
But when casually flying, it only goes up to 120 iirc
The Needle Tail?
It can go up to 170km/h
Some have even recorded going over 300! (Close to the Falcon's dive, I believe)
Additionally, these birds only fly. Their habitat is literally listed as "the air," and some even believe they sleep while flying! They only ever land to brood and mate, and then they're off again. Their legs are so short that, if they ground, they can't fly again because it doesn't give enough room to flap their wings.
It fits Blurr perfectly!
It also has a blue-ish colour pattern I can work with lol (it's green, but it looks blue, lol)
Though, also, he isn't 100% like the Needle Tail, just based off of it. I still want avians to be sorta their own species and doesn't have to be exactly like their bird counterparts cuz they aren't them, they're their own thing.
That said, Blurr is one of the shortest from Avians population, still.
They're pretty big.
Another trivial detail of the design!
I was stuck between having his arms be his wings or have them be separate
Until I saw a drawing where they had both, and I realised, "Wait, why isn't that done more often! That's so cool!"
So that's sorta what I did
It's mainly to catch small prey when grounded and to stay better perched up on trees since they're much bigger and having extra fingers helps a lot. Or when they're climbing against a tree to pick up fruits, it gives them an extra boost and can better hang from it
But they're pretty much useless besides that lol
Just neat lil design choice
Other lore stuff. The time in which the au takes place is vaguely modern? But with fantasy aspects? I still haven't decided lol
Technology exists, but not in the way we have it sort of deal, idk, this au is pretty bare bones right now, so go wild with it XD I don't mind it, I love brainstorming it with people. I know this au isn't as big or complex as some others out there, but it's fun, and I hope yall like it too fjsjajaj
#my art#divine nugget au#swerve x blurr#ref sheet#transformers au#fullmetal bartenders#blurve#swerve#blurr#maccadam#tf blurr#tf swerve#avian au#idk i wanna give it a different name but im coming up blank so if anyone got a better name feel free to suggest it XD#im kinda nervous to post this fjsjakakkf#i want people to have fun with this like they do with kef's aus but i know im not thst big LOL#i do have two characters i plan to do next#as a reward to those who read the tags (i see you 👁👁) I'll tell ya and say one of them is ratchet#also as another little tag bonus#feel free to send me an ask asking what bird your favorite transformers would be#yall may not know this about me but im crazy about birds and ive done so many avian aus in every fandom im in#i just never posted any until now XD#so I'll gladly rant about them#just uh...be aware i dont know all that much bout the idws yet and ive lost my access to half of it right now#ill try to research the characters best i can but if i dont know them well i might not be accurate in my interpretation fkdkskska#but anyway#here's this silly little au#to the 5 people who see this post i hope yall enjoy it and have as much fun as i did making this :3#and expect more cuz this was so fun to do LOL#juzt not any time soon cuz my health is SHIT and i also dont draw at lightning speed like some people here XD ill probably stick to writing
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do people like. know they can dislike a ship without blatantly lying about the dynamic itself
#rambling#like oh my god the amount of times ive seen people be like#'skwis/tok are literally just brothers how can you ship them'#oh you mean like the ship where one guy dated a genderbent version of the other guy??#the ship that ended with one on the other guy's arms???#the one where they found each other like soulmates through their love for music???#GEE YEA NO I WONDER ITS PROBABLY A HUGE MYSTERY RIGHT#you could make the argument that skwisgaar doesnt see him liek that if you want but saying this about toki is fucking insnae#half of the gags around him are his obsession towards skwisgaar#call it what you want but can you REALLY be SHOCKED that people run with shipping him and the object of his obsession???#or do you just like to pearl clutch because skwis/tok is getting in the way of your ship whatever that may be#i also dont know why its so socially acceptable to shit on skwis/tok like i promise its not going to attack you#i dont give a flying fuck about n/ickle/s and the only people that know the reason are people ive talked to privately about#i also do not care for self inserts and it has no business being posted about on my socials#people always make fun of that one toki wife guy but then they end up sounding exactly like her when talking abt skwis/tok LOL#time is a flat circle I GUESS#'omg it would never work also im married to *insert either of them*' ok i mean im not shitting on your dinner why are you shitting on mine#literally just flip a coin about it 9 times out of 10 this is the reason#i have so much to say on this topic but i will shut up now#but ig you can ask me if you care#just wanted to blow some steam <3
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As of yet unnamed nature cleric dwarf of Marthammor Duin I've been cooking up for a potential future campaign
#ive been thinking about him so much.........#he's from Citadel Felbarr probably#drew this back in like december and realised I never posted him#might soon finish the ref sheet and post that too....#Legend of Drizzt made me a changed woman I fell in love with dwarves I'd die for them all#dwarf#shield dwarf btw#dnd#dungeons and dragons#forgotten realms#ttrpg#dnd 5e#my art#digital art#give me a chance to deck a character out in baubels and trinkets and jingly jewelry and I'll gladly take it
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[id in alt]
marivam my new child marivam!!!!! adopt i got from @dieselpvnk i am VERY excited about them!! thinking that they're a kind of witch character who brews magical potions, not 100% sure yet though
#these are unfinished and im figuring out how to draw them rn i just got too impatient to wait to talk about them so 4am post it is#if i DO go down the potion maker route i'll probably have to edit some of my other characters who i already have as alchemists#but like ive never done anything with that anyway and it just feels more natural with marivam.#with those other guys i just. kind of slapped that occupation on loll#anyway for backstory (which again not super sure yet) they live with a guardian named gralyth (a wolf person) in the middle of the woods#they were probably childhood friends w bevalon but marivam + gralyth moved away while they were still pretty young#thinking that marivam has. hmm. ominous scary vibes and a standoffish personality but theyre ultimately a good person#maekrenia#oc: marivam#ive already misspelled their name as miravam once and i have a feeling thats gonna happen a lot :skull:#ok i need to go to sleep now bye
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if you have a text post go viral, I'm learning you get sent some really Out There things
#so far ive mostly been getting calls to action spam#and also post from RP blogs biting/stabbing me#there is something really special about 'you have probably heard of Jesus and God' tho#im on the english speaking internet my man i cant avoid knowing about them#interestingly even though i have had many image posts go viral those have never garnered any sort of attention like this
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hello :D please tell me more about your mezalian (is that how you spell it??) smalletho I will forever be indebted to you
(they are gorgeous I love them sm)
hey hi !! it would be my pleasure … (and I’ve been spelling it mezalean ??? but i have no idea LOL. there might be a canon spelling but i havent watched joels esmp1 since… probably since it ended. i will have to check sometime)
apologizing in advance because i will probably get very ramble-y!!
ummm. Oh god. How to start. Lets see. WELL. In this silly little au (i guess it has become a bit more than just me doodling designs LOL) in my head they have like this sort of zelink dynamic? obviously without all the zelda lore & stuff, just that kind of … okay forgive me I haven’t brushed up on my zelink lore for a good many years but. Like the princess and her personal knight that doesn’t really talk much sort of thing.
this made more sense in my head. But yeah. They have the vibes of zelink ? At least if i remember zelink right, I have a really bad memory :’) not exactly the same, i do think etho talks to joel (whereas if iirc link never really talks) - especially after getting to know him a bit - but just. they have the Vibes. You know?
I reckon Joel’s definitely very into sculpting in this au, maybe dabbles a little in painting - I imagine mezalea to be very heavy on art and expression in general. think you’d especially see lots of pottery and textiles all around the place. He probably also has an interest in some form of like. um. whats the word. Some sort of … fighting. lmao. Specifically thinking of fencing, i had this idea in my head that he’s watched Etho practice outside the palace at some point and is just absolutely fascinated and enamored. by both the practice and etho himself haha.
and for etho… talented swordsman? he is Not washed. i dont really have many ideas for his character in this au To be completely honest, mostly just of his personality. Although, I alsooo think he’s probably not actually from mezalea? I like to draw him with those pointy elf ears, and i think mezaleans are just humans. I cant remember if thats canon or not but um. mezaleans have human ears, so i’d imagine etho’s probably from like.. rivendelle? Is that. What it’s called. The elf guys? Are they elves??? Goodness I cant remember. Grimlands would make sense too since i THINK they’re kind of like. technical engineer guys? but i dont know what species they are um so ,,, yeah,,,,
i think joel’s probably a bit put off by etho at first, mostly just because he’s not super enthused about the idea of a personal guard, but also because the guys a bit odd, you know? but he’s also probably suuuper intrigued by him. he wants to figure this new guy out, and when they start talking a bit more, i think. They are both incredibly charmed by the other. head over heels? possibly.
most of my ideas of this au are just little scenes that are cute and silly but dont follow any main plot. I would love to write some one-shots of some of the ideas i have in the future, but as of right now im experiencing a bout of creative burnout and am busy with the holidays - spending time with family, so… not right now lol!
hopefully this is what you wanted,,,, i tend to get very ramble-y when talking about literally anything, so i do apologize for that haha, i am Not good at explaining things in simple ways, as i’ve said many a time before.
#sphynx asks!#sphynx rambles#i guess i’ll tag this as#smalletho#and#trafficshipping#for filtering#when explaining my thoughts on smalletho (or any ship for that matter) i always feel the need to clarify that um#being someone on the aroace + probably aplatonic spectrum#i always put a bit of that into my headcanon of characters#like in my brain they are never sexually attracted to each other or anyone else#and the relationships aren’t ever easily describable. they just exist as they are without a label.#maybe they kiss maybe they like each other but i never put them in any sort of established romantic relationship in my head#it Is my desire for connection and intimacy without the “rules” and lines between platonic and romantic attraction making itself known#because i don’t really. feel. either? I want to love someone but i am not sure what love entails. and i’d reckon that probably shows LOL#dude i could go on and on about how being aroace feels for me and how i project that onto characters. its honestly. fascinating to me lmao?#i find the topic of love and attraction and friendship and connection and intimacy just incredibly interesting as a whole though LOL#sometimes i feel like some alien (not in a bad way!! ..most of the time) looking in on human life like… how very curious this is! wow!#Honestly i could probably talk about anything for hours. i just really like thinking about things and sharing my thoughts#unfortunately im also terrified of sharing those thoughts and being perceived in general ! social anxiety at its finest here!#i spent the whole day working on this answer lmao. which really shows just how much i struggle putting things into words#and then POSTING those words? i have to reread what ive written a billion times to make sure i don’t sound stupid or insane#and even then i still worry. so at this point its just become.. post and dont look at tumblr for the next while to let the anxiety subside#anyway um.! Yeah.#im going to sleep now. Thumbs up.
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I LOVE U FANGANS !!! I LOVE U DR OCS !!!
just a few i enjoy <3 yay sooo cool ooough
dr mira : @gooseagain8 drsg : @danganronpasurvivorsguilt dr50th : @okthatsgreat drdw : @sir-sunny
the stupid idiot is mine teehee
#danganronpa#fanganronpa#dr: mira#danganronpa survivors' guilt#dr: 50th#dr: dw#my ocs#ummm ill come up with oc. tags later#this was supposed to be a warm up but i spend too long on it and did not draw anything else thats fine tho#curing the artblock through others ocs yessirrr#ive never drawn other peoples characters publicly before thsi is so scary do not perceive me#but also pls enjoy!! i hope i did them justice!!!!!#im probs not doing artfight but this is like my training arc maybe...next year ill be ready o7#ouhg fangans i love u guys#fangans are always so fun and creative and amazing yayyy hooray thank u#IF YOU HAVE DR OCS SEND THEM MY WAY <3#one day ill make my own fellas presentable....just u wait#for now just a little bit of Marianna LastName as a treat#btw this post is scheduled i will probably forget about this by the time it goes up#my art#artlying
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i’d love to know how much of early day's spn subtext was deliberate or just a happy accident bc the subplot of 1x08 bugs is sam and dean butting heads about how they were raised and sam hating it while dean tells him he should accept it as they protect a family; predominantly a father and son
the father and son argue bc the son is different and not who the father wants him to be while the son feels ignored and shunned (aka sam). sam spends the episode empathising with him and telling him he can look forward to going to college to get away from him just like he did while dean cuts in to say he should stick with his family
the entire episode, dean defends john and the way he raised them ("maybe he needed to raise his voice but sometimes you were out of line"), it even starts with him and sam arguing over their illegal ways of making money and how they were brought up in the life; dean adapting to and enjoying it and sam wanting to be honest and straight
they talk about sam being sure john is and always has been disappointed in him just for dean to say john used to go to stanford whenever he could to check on him and something about his expression is so bitter; like he knows john would never express that care for him
but at the climax when they're trying to get matt to convince his dad to leave, sam is the one telling him to tell the truth and make his dad listen whereas dean tells him to lie; implying he wouldn't trust his son enough to believe him
he outright scoffs at sam and asks him what he was thinking for trying to get matt to tell the truth
the entire episode, dean is advocating for the kid to work it out (almost to just take it) and stay with his family but when push comes to shove, he tells him to lie
sam who spent years resenting john and his family for how they were raised, fell back on "making him listen"; echoing all the arguments he had with john, trying to force him to understand who he is while john's too blinded by vengeance to even begin to try. the same way sam refuses to see how they were raised and why they were raised that way from john’s point of view, hinting at how similar people they are (which still isn’t an excuse but also not the point rn)
dean winchester, the king of repression and masking (and fawning), dean who at this point is still staunchly defending john, tells a shunned kid with a harsh father to pretend in order for his father to care enough to listen to him and believe him
dean knows reasoning won't work bc he's watched it happen over and over again with sam and john
even the way matt tries to say, “but he’s my… (father)” feels like he’s coming over to dean’s point of view; that matt as a son respects his father to enough to tell the truth and no matter how much they’ve fought, that should trump everything. but dean still insists he lies. and matt tells the truth. and his father doesn’t listen
there's no way they intentionally made dean subconsciously know that a man raising his son in a mimicry of how john raised them wouldn't respect or trust his son enough to believe him about something potentially life threatening after half a season of john ignoring them about something potentially life threatening
right?
#sam accusing dean of being perfect and thats why john never yelled at him actually makes me crazy#especially when you take in how much dean fawns when hes around john#fawning being the fear response of making yourself as unobtrusive as possible so you dont become a target#deans fawn response is to be the soldier; to always agree and listen to orders and be johns mini replica so he doesnt make waves#its not just him being a good son despite how much thats hammered into us over the course if the show#thats why he tries so hard to get sam to just agree and do as hes told; not just bc he thinks john is right but so it wont cause an argument#arguments he expressly hates despite being highly confrontational with literally everyone else#he only has a fawn fear response when it comes to john and sam; not even bobby gets the same level of repression#anyway i unintentionally started a rewatch and dean flipping on a dime about how the kid should be with his father twigged my interest#and how much of it was intentional? in the good supernatural in my head all of it is#but alas this is the real supernatural and it was probably completely unintentional and means nothing#especially since the episode ends with the kid throwing away the things that make him different#and sam saying he wants to apologise to john in person for the things he said to him when he left for stanford#hes dean says he will apologise then theyll immediately be at each others throats again but he doesnt really progress at all beyond that#he spends the whole episode saying relationships are a two way street and sam said awful things and should pick up the slack between them#and he ends with that same mindset so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ likely all of it was unintentional#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#carry on my wayward son#talk meta to me#supernatural#spn#meta#dean winchester#sam winchester#john winchester#john winchesters a+ parenting#save post
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Am I the only one who kinda is w Skully on the whole "banishing bad ghosts stuff" or
#alright I dont know ALL the context#but as far as I know#???? he refers to specifically BAD GHOSTS#im pretty sure from what I know that he treats halloween as this super ultra mega serious event to respect the dead???#and *obviously* thinks bad ghosts fucking around are an utter disrespect????#uhhhhh i dont know about yall but like. it does make a lot of sense to me LMFAOOO#like idk guys i would want them brutally fucked over too ngl#of course nrc gang sees it as something super bizarre because#their beliefs are LITERALLY the opposite#like they see Halloween as a celebration for the ghosts itself while as said b4 skully sees it as a memorial of the concept of death#they see the “bright”¿ kinda side while he sees the tragedic side#(hes a dramatic bitch)#(im in love w him)#anyways THATS BASED OF FROM WHAT IVE UNDERSTOOD FROM POSTS AND TRANSLATIONS IN HERE#IF IM WRONG PLEASE TELL ME!!!#IM INDEED PROBABLY WRONG!!!#anyways skully my beloved#either way youre wrong or not THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU#twst#twstファンアート#twisted wonderland#twst nbc#twst the nightmare before christmas#skully j graves
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Hail Apollo and Hermes for helping me get my ass in gear to take care of a couple financial things that have been stressing me out for a while! ...and for the reminder to not impulse spend.
#and. of course. it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be!#i was told in no uncertain terms in my last tarot pull that some financial things would bite me in the ass if i didnt deal with them#so i said i would take care of them by the end of the month and i managed to!! well. mostly#im waiting for a checkbook to come in the mail so i can take care of the second one but the first one is settled#and im no longer terrified that i'm going to jail! (that was never going to be the outcome in the first place)#thank you apollo and hermes#i need to find something to offer. i'll figure something out#helpol#hermes#coriander says#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#apollo#hellenic community#pagans of tumblr#theoi#'it's not as bad/scary/catastrophic as it feels' has been a theme atm#the tarot pull was from last week ive just been thinking about it. it's about time to do another check-in pull but i wont be able to till#friday probably#i owe. $7 to the state of texas but afaik i'm only able to pay via check b/c of the circumstances so i had to get *80* of them#the only person i know who still uses checks is my grandpa#...the checkbook would be a good thing to keep on hermes“#*hermes's altar though#my post#gratitude post
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takes a deep breath and continues on
#txt#ive been seeing old friends crop up everywhere today#like the couple of them that liked some odd posts of mine today#or the couple of them that i noticed still talk in a groupchat together despite me never being there#and then coming back to say hi and being immediately greeted with warm open arms#idk#the people ive collected in my life#even the ones that im not as close to as id like to be anymore#you make me feel happy#and im happy to see your names cropping up#i think about you guys often and i still love you all#just in case you ever wondered#if you think this post is about you it probably is and im holding your hand#even if you think only a little bit it could be about you#it is
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Confessing my sins to the internet because my irl friends don't know my tumblr
I'm actually a horrible friend and I don't plan to change :)
I'll be a good friend to anyone I actually like and I usually don't associate with people who I don't like, but sometimes there will be an occasional lonely (usually annoying) kid that follows me around. (They're lonely for a reason.) I kinda hate people who are loud literally all the time but I can hold my tongue and this kinda person just doesn't leave because they're not being told directly to leave.
What do I do? I talk to them only when I need them, I make unnecessarily mean comments as a joke, I point out their obvious flaws that I know they have a hard time changing, and all while they still follow me around like I'm not kinda bullying them.
Sometimes I'll treat them like an actual friend when I'm in a good mood, but if I'm not, then the unfortunate victim becomes my emotional punching bag. (I have ways to quickly fix my mood and this is completely unnecessary and I could distance myself until I feel better like how I do with actual friends.) I think this is like. Breadcrumbing? Anyways yeah, toxic shit.
If any of your "friends" treat you like this, they don't see you as a friend. If they leave you doubting if they like you or not, leave you doubting if you're actually friends, they probably don't see you as a friend. (because that's the case for me :3 )
I'm a horrible human being and I don't feel nearly as bad as I should about it :)
#i had a friend in primary school who was treated like this by me and my then best friend for the whole 6 years#she was very much bullied i think#we literally had a “class x girls group” and “class x girls group without (victim)” and we sometimes shit talked her in there#my best friend was a bit more obvious about not liking her#she would like be my shield anytime things got confrontational while i never stood up for myself#pretty sure she shared snacks with me a lot too and i just never returned the favour.#and now theres this boy that has nearly no friends who follow me around during breaks#just today i literally gave him the silent treatment because i was having an inner monologue and i didn't bother telling him#i even found it kinda funny that i walked around silently while he muttered to himself and questioned if he did anything wrong#like dude no you didn't do anything wrong but also i found it too funny to correct you#i have actual friends that i treat decently btw#like. without all this weird shit#i just take advantage of the loney and probably neurodivergent kids :)#moral of the story. please have more than 1 friend. especially irl. dont let them treat you like how i treat these poor “friends” of mine#ive literally never told the 2 people i mentioned here anything along the lines of “im grateful i have you”#feel free to stop being my friend because of a post like this :3#i wouldnt say i *like* being a horrible friend but also im like. not doing anything about it and not bothering to change for the sake of#these people who are already kind of outcasted and probably need someone to rely on#“im not doing charity” proceeds to refuse basic respect to these people because theyre “annoying”#you could call this a vent post#im kind of telling myself that im a horrible person to begin with so i feel less bad about “breaking character” on top of being guilty#honestly i hope this kind of person finds someone who genuinely accepts them because they deserve better than this#and also because theyre a headache for me and im sick of them
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