#kinda just the gist ig

[kat-theglitch]

Trying to get a base feel on how they'd wear their bandanas if they're not on the eyes and how their hair would look.

I'm probably gonna use these as my designs for human versions (Leo is a blondie)

[mylove-thresher]

eeeee aaaaaa eeee ehhhh uhhhhh ting ting walla walla eee aaaaaa uhhhh/ref

[all-lars-bars]

You listen to Prince Ali ONCE and now you're thinking about a mh Jam AU based on the story of Disney's Aladdin.

[celestialmancer]

As much as I can take pride in how I can draw mouths well & how fun it is to do like unique stuff w that, I always am antsy that it'll end up getting me looked at weird for drawing them or get me weird unnecessary comments.........

[sttoru]

hmmm what if gym sex with gym owner/instructor toji fushiguro. you know, they be fucking by machines and stuff 🫨🫨🫨

𝐒𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐀 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑 . . . !

⟣ sypnosis. you thought it’d be just another day of you at the gym with your gym instructor, toji—though things were quick to escalate into a different kind of ‘workout’.

⟣ tags. gym instructor!toji fushiguro x female reader. exhibitionism, public, p in v unprotected, standing doggy ig, spanking, hair pulling, teasing, sprinkle of objectification / degradation, creampie, no to little aftercare, kinda pervert!toji as well. reader gets called ‘doll’.

⟣ note. yummyyumyummm.. this made me think of this ask t sent me & this fanart i need him so bad t_t not proofread btw. !

you were a newbie to the gym—your usual workouts consisting of the most simple sets; jumping jacks, burpees, crunches, squats, planks and push ups. an acquaintance of yours attends the same sports club and recommended you a certain gym instructor who works there most of the time.

his name was toji and apparently was good enough at his job for many other gym attendees to hire him in. you did the same and had started a few sessions with him earlier that week. toji was patient and quick to give you the needed feedback and advice on your workouts — a nice guy.

though, he did seem a bit intimidating, especially due to the fact that he was extremely bulky. your stomach did a flip once you first saw that dark-haired man.

the black tank top he wore almost every other day, his muscles that flex with each movement, the scent of his cologne you could smell whenever he got close and nonchalantly adjusted or corrected your form; that guy was more than simply attractive.

as your mind wandered and daydreamt about your gym instructor, your body was doing its needed squats. up and then down, inhale and exhale, tense and relax—you were on autopilot.

what you didn’t notice, due to the music blasting in your ears, was that toji had been wandering around the area. it was almost time for your own session with him where he’d do some cardio with you.

toji sipped on his water bottle, lazily approaching you from behind, your backside towards him. he looked around for a bit—this specific section of the gym was nearly empty at this hour of the day. except for you, him and. . . a random guy who was lifting weights in a far away corner.

toji’s eyes couldn’t help but flicker from your exposed shoulder blades to the curve of your ass whenever you squatted. it was very much intentional; not for the sake of checking on your squatting form, but more for the sake of his own needs.

it was like that almost every time he’s training with you—the gym instructor cannot resist the urges of subtly checking out that body of yours. more specifically, the curves of it. he could get a bit handsy when teaching you how to get the gist of a certain exercise.

you were a bit oblivious to this, because you thought that it was simply just toji doing his job. gym instructors were meant to help you along the way—instructing somebody and helping them get into the desired position by appropriately touching their body was part of that process. . . right?

you don’t know, but you also didn’t care. his touch on your thighs when he was correcting your form that other day, the way his big and veiny hands were gently holding your flesh; it was just way too appealing. even if he was doing his job, there was an undeniable attraction hanging between the two of you.

you couldn’t even count the many times where you ‘accidentally’ bumped into him at the gym just to hold a short conversation. toji’s eyes were everywhere—the sight of you out of breath, sweating whilst trying your best to look pretty when talking to him stirred his loins.

the dark-haired man knew you purposefully come and talk to him after each session. he knew that you always try to look confused in the gym when experimenting with a new machine just to catch his attention. toji knew all about your ‘innocent’ acts and yet he was falling for them. hard.

you were too good at that game of seduction and if it wasn’t for him risking the loss of his job, he’d have fucked you long ago. he’d have satisfied both your desires right at the gym with everyone seeing—he craved for a taste of you. he needed it. sooner or later.

so, toji took his chance. ‘it was now or never,’ he told himself as he approached you from behind. his presence was only sensed by you when his hands came in touch with your body.

one hand pressed onto your lower back slightly, the other on your upper thigh, fingertips digging onto the fat to help it slightly backwards, pushing your hips towards him—

“how many times do i have to tell ya, hm?” toji’s raspy voice whispers in your ear, his figure looming over yours making you feel caged between him and the treadmill you were facing whilst squatting, “arch your lower back just a tad bit more, push y’r hips back properly—mhm, jus’ like that. good, very good.”

you surprisingly do as told even whilst you were caught off guard by toji’s sudden appearance. your heart was beating out of your chest by the proximity of your bodies like this; your palms were getting sweaty. and not from your workout.

“y’re definitely gettin’ the hang of it.” your gym instructor comments, a faint hint of pride in his tone. he retracts his hands from your body, however not before teasingly letting his fingertips brush against the bottom of your ass, feeling up its shape in that single second of contact— “how’s your workout been today?”

you knew that touch was intentional. there’s no other explanation to the lingering stare on your ass as well. his eyes shamelessly took in your thighs and hips as if he wanted to be all over them, to touch them like he’d longed for so long.

“good. was about to take a break.” you reply. truth was, you weren’t. you only said so since toji was chatting with you at the moment.

there was an evident tension between you two—the way you took a sip from your water bottle whilst your pretty eyes were focused on toji’s ripped physique, your gaze that darted from his eyes to his lips, chest, lower body and back up. . . that game of seduction had gone on for way too long. toji had to have you. right here, right now.

that’s how you ended up clinging for dear life onto the treadmill in the corner of the building, your leggings and panties pushed down to your knees and toji behind you with his hands using your hips as leverage—his cock finally having a taste of your warm insides after all this time of fantasising about it during your lessons with him.

“fuck. . knew this pussy’d be fuckin’ tight—almost can’t move due to how much y’re squeezing me, doll.” the man’s rough voice spoke out whilst your wet folds were spread apart to fit his cock all the way in, his size massive to the point it almost hurt, “there you go, takin’ it so well.”

your walls clamped around his dick like you didn’t want him to ever move out of you—like this moment was all you had wanted from your encounters up until now. toji curses under his breath at the sight he’s finally seeing;

you trembling whilst he was balls deep inside of your greedy cunt that swallowed every single inch, even if it stung. what made it even better of an achievement was the fact that your ass was properly in his view now, fat jiggling with each press of his hips against it.

“hnngh—fuck me.. ah, please!” your stifled moans almost make toji’s eyes roll back. he loved those sounds of pure pleasure that escaped your lips—the ones which you couldn’t contain behind that hand clamped around your mouth.

it was risky after all; fucking in an open gym. you didn’t know if that one guy on the other side of the area had already left or not. you couldn’t see through all those machines and pillars obstructing your view. you just went with the logic that if you couldn’t see him, he couldn’t see you.

toji—being the absolute tease that he is—had seen your eyes wander across the section of the gym you were in. oh, he didn’t like it one bit that your attention was on anything other than him and his dick slamming into your sloppy pussy;

he stopped his movements and torturously slid his cock out of you until the head was all what was left inside, prodding into you every now and then like he was going to slam it back fully, only for nothing to occur. toji bit the inside of his cheek; rough hand landing hard on the left side of your ass, the other side getting its turn a second after you whimper.

the process repeats which makes your back arch deeply, hips instinctively moving back and then forwards—basically fucking yourself on his cock. toji liked that desperation in you. that’s what he wanted to gain out of his actions.

“hah—ya can push those hips back properly now, ay?” your gym instructor exhales through his nose, hand traveling from your ass to your hair, yanking that low ponytail of yours back. his sharp eyes scanned your backside as if you were a piece of meat, his hips grinding against your ass, kneading the flesh with his pelvis, “remember this when y’re squatting again—the position of your back like this, the slight arch—fuck.”

even in a predicament like this, toji used it to teach you about your form during your squats. not that you knew what that man was saying. you were too focused on the way he was slowly stroking his dick in your pussy, wanting the tip to reach the deepest parts.

“shiitt,” toji sighs before a noise—almost a low whistle—forms in the back of his throat. the pleasure kept building up inside of him and he knew that he could cum just by a bit of grinding against that plump flesh of your ass, his balls rubbing against the curves of it, “this body of yours ‘s gonna make me lose my mind, doll.”

but, toji didn’t want to end it with that. he was here to give you the pounding of your life—teach you another lesson which was unrelated to your workouts; the lesson of what happens if you try to seduce a man like him.

toji wastes no time and grabs your hips again, angling his own to hit your g-spot with each rough thrust once he resumes the movements. each press to that sweet area makes your legs shake, lips moving frantically, though only incoherent and slurred words leave your lips in quiet moans;

“nghh! toji, ‘s too good!” you whine, your own hand still clamped around your mouth to keep yourself quiet. you were always vocal during sex, but it was a bit risky to let yourself go in a public space like this, “mmph!”

though, with the fact that you were getting the pounding of your life right now, there was no denying the fact that it was impossible to stay fully quiet. a few lewd moans escape—toji tugging at your hair each time as a warning,

“sshh, don’t w’nna get me fired, do ya?” the man behind you grins. he isn’t even worrying in the slightest that this moment was probably getting caught on the cctv camera footage in the gym.

toji could easily get rid of those himself since he works at the gym and has some internal connections, but it’d make it all so difficult if somebody were to catch you in the act, “if ya keep quiet, we’ll do this more often, yeah?”

you shiver at that promise. you could already imagine all the times you can have toji to yourself in the future; how he’ll press you to a bench and fuck you—or maybe he’ll even take you in bathrooms. it was such a turn on. that’s all what was needed to shut you up in an instant;

“good girl.” that gruff voice murmurs once more, the pressure in your stomach builds, the coils forming threatening to snap any minute now for both of you. toji’s self control was hanging by a thread.

that same thread snapped in half the moment you let out a whiny and vulnerable whimper in the form of his name. with one hard thrust, toji presses his hips firmly against your ass, grunting as he makes sure to dump his load the furthest he could—the warmth of the sticky liquid filling your senses eventually stimulated you enough to reach your own climax.

“easy there, doll.” your gym instructor thrusts once, twice before pulling himself out of you, leaving the mixture of fluids leaking down by your legs. he huffs at the sight, taking it in for a couple seconds whilst kneading your ass between his fingers.

toji grabs a tissue he had somewhere in the pocket of his sweatpants and wipes his tip before tucking himself back in his boxers—pulling his pants up and readjusting his appearance like nothing ever happened.

toji puts the used napkin in your shivering hand and nods at you. you were a pretty thing whilst fucked out of your mind, that he could indeed confirm in a singular moment of eye contact.

he sighs and leaves you to fend for yourself as he starts to walk towards the stairs that lead to the third floor, probably to take care of something. you never know what he’s up to when he’s not in the gym—a mysterious man.

before the gym instructor vanishes, he does leave you a hushed message on his way to the staircase, head cocked to the side to look at you from his peripherals whilst he walks;

“clean y’rself up and continue with your work out. will be back in a few to check in on ya.”

[kurishiri]

Excerpt (and some summary) of Jude’s main story chapter 1

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ any pretty translation you may see in here may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. this is a sort of summary as well. if you enjoy, though, please consider reblogging, but please don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

ok so like the chapter starts off with jude and ellis beatin some dudes ahh bc breach of contract. ig thats sorta like the prologue so to speak.

since jude is an act 2 route, vogel is featured in here. darius is like “hmm jude jazza huh. p interesting. nica” and nica comes in like “yeah you want me to look into him? sure, im interested in him too (/p likely)”

its revealed that since her time as fairytale keeper, kate had accompanied basically everyone on a mission? except jude and ellis. ellis wants to accompany her tbf but judes like tf hell no.

needless to say, kate has…less than positive first impressions of jude.

but she finally sees some light when harry gives her a memo telling her to go to the pub at 22:00 bc there’s gonna be a mission with jude and ellis. but turns out by the time she gets there, the missions already done and rogers there at the pub lmao

kate goes to jude whos smokin in the back like “you lied to me :(“ and jude kinda doesnt get all that fazed abt it like “never told ya the mission would start at 22:00.” he reveals that basically he hates it when its all like the “lets all get along” sorta gist yk.

then they have like this back and forth thats smth like “no point in being liked bc i got no gain from that.” “does that mean youre ok with being hated?” “what, do ya wanna be liked by everyone?” you get the point. they just do not. see eye to eye. like at all.

and so, we come to this point where kate makes a promise with him like “i’ll find smth i like abt you by the time my tenure as fairytale keeper ends!” (this is around where the first cg is, which btw is called the first promise we made was wrapped in white smoke)

Jude: Hah, alright then. if ya goin’ that far then do what ya want.

After our back and forth, like walking on eggshells, i finally succeeded in getting him to say those words.

Kate: Okay! Then I’ll do just that.

I used my hand to wave off the smoke that seemed to separate us two and took a step toward him, when…

Jude, while veiled in the white smoke, laughed with scorn.

Jude: But there’s one thing ya should keep in mind, princess. …My promises don’t come cheap.

J: If ya break ‘em, I’ll make ya go through so much o’ hell you’ll be wishin’ for death.

Amid the refined scent of sandalwood, far removed from his image, and the sweet scent of tobacco that burned my chest,

Jude and I made our first promise.

other impt events? is that jude literally comes out with a contract after victors like “i heard youre gonna be judes exclusive fairytale keeper!” and kates like what. but kate signs the contract in the end.

another thing; kate thinks “theres no way i could ever like him” 📸

ko-fi☕️ ┊ comms🤍

[krispdreemurr]

thinking about playing deltarune as a stand alone. alternative reality verse where toby fox decided to just jump straight into making his dream game ig. minor thing to consider, but when would the player be clued into ralsei having a startling resemblance to asriel? I suppose it could be guessed from his face reveal at the end of chapter 1, and the player (funnily enough, like susie) going "....y'know, he kinda looks like Kris' mom."

that might've made some theories, but that's about the only thing I can think of from CH1. and then the only indicators to the player that ralsei and asriel are kinda alike come only when noelle rolls up in CH2, with her "he kinda looks like...." and then straight up does not acknowledge him for the rest of the chapter lol. but then in CH4 we got her saying "a boy who kinda looks like kris' brother... but not?" and susie mistaking a photo on the fridge to be a photoshopped edit of ralsei only to be vigorously told by kris all the differences between the two. which at this point theorists would probably be like ?????

i dunno. i guess it fascinates me just how we know what asriel (probably) looks like even if we've literally never ever seen him in deltarune. the stuff we hear from the other town's people shapes the type of person he seems to be, sure, but the undertale audience already knows the general gist of his personality. what he talks like. who he kinda is, even if we've only seen the version of him when he's like 12. it's like we've already been given the end puzzle of a mystery, while the rest of it still needs to be pieced together. how differently would the depictions of asriel vary if we hadn't seen him already? i mean, look at dess and all of her variations. the fanbase seems to sortaaaa have the same idea for her after a while, but there still is great variety across the board.

i'm partial to the theory that ralsei is the dreamed up idealized version of kris that they created to fit within their family, and i do feel like in standalone deltarune the audience would draw a somewhat similar conclusion. looking at just what the characters state, it is both notable that ralsei looks like asriel and notable that he is distinctly not actually a direct look-a-like. this is all to say toby fox lemme see asriel i need to shake him like a bug he's the looming figure over kris' past let me see himmmmm i wanna see how kris interacts with him please please pleaseeeeeeee

anywho i'm not sure what this all builds up to i just like to think deltarune standalone. next time humans vs monsters and [monsters vs humans}] <- lightners vs darkners fohasdkjdhdjdj. thank you!!

yeah it's definitely interesting! i do think him looking like a dreemurr + the red horns thing at the end of ch1 would have probably clued people in to the kris fursona thing, and as for the Asriel resemblance there's the anagram thing for people to solve and put together. then again, would dialogue early on mention Asriel less...?

i do think it's fun seeing everyone's very different takes on how that 12 year old turns out. like, I feel like we have a firm start point, but there's lots of routes to follow

i do hope asriel has minimal plot impact except for how he and Kris interact like I love the boy I tried and failed to write au fanfic with him just I really fear him overshadowing Kris both in game and on the meta level,

[entities-of-posts]

idk if you've got any asks abt this specific fear before (tho ig it's kinda a bunch of little fears i just wrap under the same one?) but i was wondering what fear itd fall under

the absolutely insane amount of time the universe and matter has been around is absolutely terrifying to me. it's taken so long, longer than i can ever actually understand, and such an INSANELY specific chain of events for life to evolve at all and an even MORE specific chain of events for humans to exist. we like to think of ourselves as some supreme species but we eat and die just like any other animal. our DNA is mostly the same as plenty of them, we're so primitive still and so similar to other early species of human that aren't even around anymore, why are we so much better than them? it makes me feel so so so small and freaks me out so much. there's more but that's the gist of it :D

This mostly falls under Vast typical existentialism, with a little bit of Flesh.

[poptartcat]

For the ship ask game- Jally

( My feeling about this ship are more complicated than my feelings abt my sixth grade crush)

Hey there! Thanks for the ask!! Yeah there’s def things to talk abt with this ship, but let me say that I like technically don’t ship anything. Not actively, but like, there are ships I can see happening so when I say I ship something they’d what I mean.

Tbh I think trying to make it a romance does disservice to their relationship and dynamic and honestly just rubs me the wrong way. It was so much deeper than that and the fact that people assumed romantic love is deeper is kinda… questionable to me. Idk I’m aroace so I may have slight bias but it always felt like a brotherly protective type dynamic, a mutual idolization (more on Johnny’s side tho), a “I see you in me”+”I wish I were you” type dynamic (that’s not quite it but you get the gist).

I think I would like it if it felt less like erasure and more like expansion. They were secretly dating I feel takes away from everything. But I don’t think there is a way but ig every jally fic I’ve read is oddly raunchy for some reason so if there was more domestic stuff then I would probably have less of a problem.

One positive thing I think would be that these two make the most sense within canon and I totally get where the shippers come from.

[coldresolve]

after resting a bit i realize i actually ended up saying nothing about devices that build tension in that dumb music sex tangent. well it was about narrative tension ig but thats kinda different from tension tension, and i never gave any concrete examples of what you can actually do with it, so

make readers aware of the stakes. if it feels like nothing in your world will change whether or not your character fails, there's zero tension. we read stories bc we are obsessed with change

most tension comes from the conflict. upping the intensity of the conflict will raise tension, but so will "shifting" the conflict. an example of what i mean could be something like, a character struggling with something internally and it starts affecting their external experience; a character learns that a third party is involved in the conflict; etc. it doesn't necessarily have to up the intensity, but it'll create that 'shit, how will this effect xyz' vibe, and thats enough

foreshadowing information that the reader doesn't know yet; the reader knows something that the character doesn't; something important is revealed/clicks into place with the worst/best possible timing. just generally being deliberate about how you handle information

knowing when to narrate and when to dramatize. this is sth i sucked at especially in the beginning of mm, ill work on it in the editing phase, but it comes down to shortening the parts of your story that slow the pacing too much. if your pace is at a stand-still, there's no tension.

this is a small thing related to the information point, but i heard a bit of advice forever ago that basically went 'when writing dialogue, make it so your characters are desperately trying to avoid saying what they actually mean'. im paraphrasing but that's the gist, and reluctance is generally great for tension, at least within that character dynamic. have them dance around the issue, bury shit in subtext. keeps things engaging

will the character get what they want in this scene? tension is released the moment you answer yes or no. its that setup/payoff thing i mentioned. the answer has to feel earned, and it should ideally have an impact on the story going forward

once tension has been released, it's hard (if not impossible) to build it back up, and since tension has to mount toward the climax of the plot, you gotta be careful how much you do it. this isn't the same as having breather-moments in there btw

create a strong atmosphere, and pleeeease let your characters stew in it for a bit!! ive seen writers build up some focken riveting atmospheres only for the comic relief character to crack a joke and make the whole thing deflate. humor is great and can easily add to atmospheres, but like i said, once you've released tension, its hard to build it back up

other literary devices that build tension: cliffhangers, tonal shifts, plot twists, time limits, and sudden obstacles. some (ex plot twists) necessitate a lot of work beforehand to feel "earned" - others (cliffhangers, time limits) you can tone down and use more liberally

again, writing is a subjective thing, rules are meant to be broken, you gotta find your own groove, all that. but i hope this answered your question a little more thoroughly nonny

[vaguedreamimg]

Idk where to post this, but it has been on my mind for awhile and no one is understanding it or I get hate and attacked and I end up crying.

When I look at myself, I see traits that feel…wolfy? My jawline is sharp, my limbs are really long and lanky, my skin is pale, my eyes are kinda dead or smth and Hazel (relevant not rly) I have messy curly thick hair that never calms down. My ears even point a little at certain angles. I am being kinda delulu abt this I feel because I think i have the blood line of a werewolf…It just makes sense for me? I just have its body, its feelings. I always felt “bigger” than my friends and stuff. Physically bigger, usually I’m just normal. Idk what it is. It’s part of my bdd maybe??

I don’t think I look “normal” and I don’t feel it either 100% but im human like 90% or time :). I’m very “feral” it seems. wild in my emotions, when I was little until 8th grade, I never even took care of myself. No shoes, running outside, dirty mess. What even is a comb??

I have had a few “crash outs” during full moons recently. Getting physically rlly hot and angry (even hungry I think) and sensitive to a lot of things. I had it where I put it together on the blood moon. I even have had it when in overstimulated with a lot of sounds or feelings is when I can hear things closer than they are?? Like if someone is walking past me and talking it feels like they are yelling in my ear. Or a car driving farther from the parking lot it sounds like it’s right behind me. This probably has triggered this whole mess bc I was obsessed with werewolves as a kid.

When I cry sometimes it’s almost like a tick I make a whimper dog like whine when I’m upset? which I can’t replicate later easily. Maybe that’s normal crying sounds it’s just weird my throat tenses up. This could probably be normal :) When I was vegetarian for a while (hell) I was iron deficient ig rly bad cause I would have cravings for bones. Chewing on bones. Gnawing like no tomorrow. For the marrow :”). Obviously never did. Ofc meat cravings too but I’ve always had that. I even had dreams of eating meat during this time 😭

Speaking of dreams, I had a really creepy dream and I think part of it is my spiritual things I’m dealing with too. But in the dream, I was on my bedroom floor and praying. My window blinds were open and the moon was full and bright and stuff. I was praying bc I was spooked in the dream. I was on my hands and knees, and I heard wolves howling. They were so piercing but deep some how at once, and the trees were blowing and windy a lot. It was creepy.

I have spurts of energy mostly if I’m in the woods or something like that. “Run” and don’t go back. Run so fast the wind blows through your hair. The smell of the air. It’s the most amazing thing in the world actually. I literally have had points in my life of feeling like the woods are my home. I have some smaller mostly moody stuff that I can talk through comments if ppl want to or smth but that’s that gist.

!!I know I’m not gonna turn btw!!! I just don’t think

LATEST NOTE: this week there is a full moon for me and it was literally a roller coaster 8 days or so. The first part I was at a total emotional high? I have been expressing this side of me. Oh man. I felt so powerful, and confident, and I let my hair out and all that. Literally my crush is noticing me all of a sudden?? And I’m like pretty or smth to ppl? Then I got sick these past three days but I’m getting back into this new skin. It feels like it’s been eating for me to wear.

[ofmermaidstories]

Bad day for nosy people who need to know what old fandom is 👀👀

lmao, i’m trying to talk myself out of it so that i don’t turn my current WIP list upside down on itself but. ��� i fear it has very powerful claws. 🦞 i’ve been mulling over like, why it ([Old Fandom]) is so attractive to me right now and i think it’s a combination of a few things!! like, one is the fact that i never originally left it by choice—real life kinda forced me away from my hobbies, and by the time i could circle back again, the fandom had died (i find it really interesting that so many modern fandoms don’t have staying power, but that’s a different discussion) and i was interested in different things. but now it’s seeing a revival and i’m remembering how much i loved it and how i never really… got closure for it, LOL, as silly as that sounds. 🥹 i never finished any of my ideas. 🥺 i went back into my old account actually, like a couple of weeks ago, and went through my fic drafts i had at the time and it—idk. i guess it just made me nostalgic. 🥹 it’s different, tonally, to what we do here in the bnha/x reader niche!! and it makes me itchy. 🥹😩 god!! so itchy. i wanna dig my fingers into it and move things around. dig it up from the garden. perform necromancy on the lover that doesn’t even know they’re dead, and blinks and finds themselves sitting in the same old kitchen with a cup of coffee in their hand. 🥹🥹🥹 i’m better equipped now—i know how to keep myself interested in long-term projects, how to finish them and, most importantly, what i like.

there’s a lot of stuff i like to write that i just don’t, here in our niche. either because it doesn’t fit in with the bnha world or just doesn’t like… suit the x reader POV. and that’s on me LOL, a better (or maybe more determined) writer could make all those things work, but part of what i like about bnha and x reader and [old fandom] is that they’re distinct—they all feel different. i wrote a lot before i got here!! i wrote so much. i wrote so much that i like, kinda burnt myself out on it LMAOO. there were tropes i liked and settings and tricks i used all the time that after a while they got boring to me. 🥹 and now after a million years of doing something different, i’ve realised—oh. i really liked all that. 🥹 i really like it, still.

idk!! idk. part of not naming the fandom is also because i haven’t decided if i wanna jump back in or not lmao. do i do it, knowing it’ll slow everything up even more? we tell ourselves all the time here in fandom circles that it’s just fanfic/fanart! you’re here to have fun! if it gets hard or boring or you wanna try something new—drop it! do it! you don’t owe anybody anything!! which is all very true yes sure. except i, me, mermie, want to finish things. i want the satisfaction of finishing the IAL series. im actually very proud of the fics, and while i know i will finish shouto’s (barring being kidnapped by pirates or aliens or death himself ig 💀), i also know im a slow writer, and that letting myself deviate off path into a completely different fandom will make me slower. 🥹 so idk. i guess ive just been ruminating on fiddly details like that LOL. also i don’t have a solid plot in mind yet (even tho i have a general gist of what i want) so that’s also probably the main leash rn LMAOOO. tbh if i get one im going in swinging, fist first, so let’s all hope that i remain idealess on that front lest the demons take me. 🥹🙏🏽

[silent-neutral]

About SH2 Pyramid Head symbolism and the remake PT.1

--mentions of sexual violence, suicidal themes and just overall mental illness-- please PLEASE DON'T READ BEYOND THE CUT IF YOU PLAN TO PLAY THIS GAME BUT KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SILENT HILL 2!! There will be spoilers in this ''essay'' and I don't want to spoil such a great game for anyone starting fresh and blind, because that'd be the perfect way to start this game imho - your feeling toward this game will be heightened without knowing too much, plus forming your own view and having questions about it is also cool.

(***Had to cut this down into parts after watching 10+ hours of the remake and so much watching gave me a headache that felt like a literal hangover the next day ugh I felt like James lol otherwise it's too many topics and words in 1 post. This way it might be easier to organize them. )

------------------------------- My mind was blown recently. Ig I'm posting this to clarify more to myself than anything, but I had to search up Ito's recent comments about certain scenes with Pyramid Head. (ahem, the first cutscenes specifically). I've always had my own ideas and guesses about specific details playing as James, but after some clarifications on Ito's part about Pyramid Head.. it kind of jarred me, but at the same time explained other things and now my initial view of this game and its characters are validating my assumptions.. And if you knew about this already, well good on you.... Ito tweets so much sometimes, info like this gets buried and I had no idea until a week or so ago lol. So in light of SH2R releasing, I conveniently found out about some crucial details that would *also* inadvertently explain my (petty) gripes about SH2R. I watched the entire playthrough and my views have slightly altered (mostly positive, as this game was actually very faithful to the original imo). but for now I give you...a very wordy analysis on some themes of SH2. Excuse my rambly thought process though, it's very hard to organise them sometimes, I say to future self re-reading this later lol.

We know the monsters all carry symbolism relating to James. Specifically speaking, the series has a lot of sexual undertones present. Man.. Idk where it all started but I'm pretty sure we all assumed it was true when every Silent Hill source or fanpage over decades would bring up James' sexual repression. It made sense because of how things appeared, plus Angela's trauma and her demon....that James even fights... Well.. Ito hates fans saying James 'sexual repression' being symbolised in the monsters are canon. He doesn't mind people forming their own opinion, but he hates when fans say it's canon lol. At any rate, there was a lot of confusion from what I read at first (and the language barrier didn't help, but I think I got the gist of what he meant). --------------------------------------------------------------- Talking specifically about the mannequin scene, Ito says PH is *not* raping them. Ok sure, tbh it looks too vague to label it something extreme like that. But it became something of a meme and Ig it ended up being believed as true. Kinda wish this sentiment was quashed many years ago and not in 2020/2021 gah... So, what's happening in that scene is actually far more deeper than simply to traumatise James.... Pyramid Head is a manifestation of James' guilt AND unconscious desire to be punished for killing his terminally ill wife. James is called to Silent Hill via a delusional letter from Mary he created in his mind.(A made up one to ignore the real one). He's suffering from some kind of selective amnesia throughout the game, hence why everything is there to remind him of his pain. Obviously he's traumatised by what he did that his mind has blocked it out to the point it seems he has remembered a false timeline of events... but his soul is yearning for judgement. Ito says that, therefore, James is suffering from many delusions, that's what's creating and manifesting his inner demons (true for all that come to Silent Hill). Pyramid Head himself is manifested as the executioner, tasked with punishing James, and so.. He is actually attacking James' delusions, trying to remove them:

*o* And Ito goes further! Right after PH kills those mannequins, he stalks over toward the closet James hides in (also meaningful, lmao, but okok it's not about sexual orientation). Apparently, PH's appearance is shifting. Ito says he modelled and animated all the monsters in the original, so I trust him when he says that the front left panel in the corner of his helmet is peeling/flaking back and a tongue-like appendage protrudes from the hole. Although.. he admits it might be too dark to see in that scene, but it's there supposedly. I'm paraphrasing, but Ito implies that PH is impacted by James' delusions in that James *thinks* he sees a tentacle come out of the helmet and thus manifests that. And that's when James shoots at him - He shoots at his own desire to be judged when it attempts to remove his delusions that are keeping him from the truth of his reality!! James can't face reality at this point - those delusions are keeping him somewhat sane and distracted! It hurts too much this early on for PH to attack those delusions so he stops it...this is why he is 'in the closet'. James continues to keep those 'skeletons' there, for now. It makes PH look like the true good guy - an angel.. like Valtiel (interesting to note they have similar body design). Because of learning this, I very quickly noticed how throughout the Remake, you will find plenty already downed enemies.. and it was easy to think ''PH was here''. After James realises the truth from the tape, the Hotel reveals its true appearance (not sure when it burned down or if that has something to do with Alessa, er wait I remember in Origins it was in her house.. well anyway! this could explain James' sketchy memory of events, especially when confronted by Laura having only met Mary and received the letter a year ago in-game.) Anyway, the point is; if James is aware, then the delusions begin to fade. So after watching the Remake, I hoped that the monsters wouldn't appear/be weakened and lo and behold! Bloober was paying attention! The monsters after you watch the tape are weak and limping, can't attack or are already dead and I was delighted! It means Ito was consistent that the delusions the town creates makes up the core theme of Silent Hill. In the original, there are only 2 lying bodies before the PH fight. (I forget the meaning behind them but it has something to do with James' helplessness.) At any rate, Remake did the 'dying vision' symbolism much better here and the explanation is so so fascinating that it led me to rethink the concept behind PH. Side note though, about that hole in PH's helmet. I was always so damn confused about it for so many years!! I used to draw it as a rectangular hole (some art by Ito actually depicted it like that iirc), and then eventually to a gunshot hole since James, well, shot at him, so I assumed that's what it was from. and NOW it's actually a triangular shaped hole from the paneling being 'turned upward' due to how James' is perceiving him in the moment. What a revelation, I cry. Ah.. and note on other design aspects.. Apparently Ito never designed PH with a mass of flesh under the helmet (just a perpetual shadow and the neck bag thing at the back) and he doesn't even know who conceptualised that, but I think it's due to all the cameos and appearances PH has made in many games since SH2. And he looks slightly different each time so.. yeah, interesting that.

Even the figma has that fleshy mass (and gunshot hole!) but I'd say it is accurate on nearly everything else:

It is a very nice figure though. I can't blame all these figures ever released that *weren't* supervised by Masahiro Ito himself, because lmao, Ito just admitted that PH is subjected to changes depending on how James views him, and that explains why details are vague and hard to determine let alone see bc the game is so dark. Take this little gacha figure of PH for example, from a cute baseball game called, I think, Konami Dream Stars (Pal Pro kun?) Yeah, I got Snake as well lol:

...and yes, shameless little peek at my nerdiness on display, all the Capcom stuff is directly below it lolll

------------------------------------------------------------------ So! Having learned what I did, I ofc had to question the next obvious thing; the cutscene just before the first boss fight. PH was without a doubt molesting the Lying Figure/Body which was moaning suggestively the entire fucking time - no one is about to gaslight me into thinking THAT wasn't sexual! And yes, Ito admits that scene was intentionally made to appear sexual (as opposed to the mannequins) and yet he says it has no sexual meaning....wtf does that even mean?! Well, I think I got it. Again, language barrier is most likely to blame, but... To apply the last explanation for the mannequins; James' delusions are making him *think* he is seeing something intimate to the point it manifests right then and there which is so disturbing he recoils and tries to go back through the now-locked door. And so.. it would seem that to PH, he is just trying to destroy the delusions and he can't help how James perceives that; it's just going to manifest accordingly. And while Ito hates 'sexual repression' as somehow being canon to some fans (the majority actually), well, bruh... can you really blame people for coming to that conclusion? The flesh lips, nurses too, are on the risque side. Now, idk how it doesn't indicate something sexual if it's not meaning to be but I am aware of Ito's art style tending to be quite sexual and suggestive, featuring a lot of bdsm themes in his artwork and he is quite obviously inspired by at least HR Giger's work. So making the nurses, for example, look the way they do may be a stylistic choice, but I highly doubt it doesn't also have a symbolic purpose other than referencing Lisa's image or something (This is Silent Hill though ffs, everything is symbolic, it HAS to be). I'll reassess the meaning of those for myself, but specifically I'm addressing PH (and soon in another post, the other elephant in the room: Abstract Daddy.) Initially, I always saw PH as trying to remind James of his sins, jolt his memory, to wake him up to reality. (Which is interesting considering it's not clear if Silent Hill itself is even rooted in reality, the alter dimensions I mean. Another topic I want to address soon.) I also noticed the mirroring effect PH/Maria were doing in relation to their human counterparts; PH is James, and Maria is Mary; James killed Mary, and so PH kills Maria. But.. If PH is actually also trying to destroy the delusions, (which also appears to reflect the fact James is trying to overcome his guilt, his mental blockages that are causing his selective amnesia)that inadvertently means PH will need to destroy himself in the end as well, and that is exactly what happens..

Coincidentally, this would also reflect James' suiciding.

But first, PH attacks the monsters that are manifested and represent different aspects of James' trauma/psyche. Then he is constantly confronting James by killing Maria, or James having to return to a dead Maria. I thought he was basically tormenting James by showing him what he'd essentially done to Mary. "This is what you're guilty about, this is what you need to accept'' I think that idea still holds water (pun very intentional), but now I feel it adds another layer because Maria is the ultimate delusion... and thus, PH must destroy her. Now when she says 'I'm not your Mary, but I can if you want me to be' makes more sense to me what she is. She too is subjected to James' delusions because she keeps shifting the perspective she talks or thinks in, Mary's or Maria's? But she knows she is not Mary, just a manifestation of an idea. And James deep down knows she is holding him back (like all the other delusions) and that feeling calls PH to thus kill her. When James can't escape the reality of his past, he finally accepts the truth, the memories revived by the tape, and confronts PH after stabbing Maria a final time. 'Stop denying/ignoring your guilt, and stop trying to cover it up with distractions like Maria'. James finally doesn't need to be told anymore, he has punished himself (fitting, seeing as PH is an extension of James anyway) and thus PH, the final delusion/illusion kill themselves and disappear.

-------------------------------------

OK so that's PH! Now to compare that with the remake

My main gripe was that the game is way too saturated in colour and too bright in certain parts, but it improves that as you delve deeper in the game thankfully. Kudos to Bloober for changing James' face to something more 'unaware' and disassociative. Gripe number 2: I do wish they cut out the 'hand rubbing' in the opening scene or at least tone it down bc that kind of foreshadowing is too damn obvious, sorry. Not needed. Especially not right at the start. Not even for old fans playing it, we know what happens, but cmon...It makes James too aware of *something* and his selective amnesia is what gives rise to his own customised demons...if he is even slightly aware of what he did, then what is the point to seeing the monsters, let alone PH attacking them, now that we know what Ito had intended? Wouldnt that change their appearance, or rather, remove them altogether? sigh, anyway. I find PH a bit too bright, not dirty enough and consequently, not as disturbing. Partly for that was how they clearly removed the lying body scene from the boss fight. I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, but now with much needed context, this now makes sense...

HOWEVER....If my guess about James' assuming something sexual was taking place in that scene is what manifested it to begin with, then what is there to say about the remake?... So the simple act of hand-rubbing (awareness) really DOES make a difference, huh?! >:O it took away our favourite PH scene! 😂💔..

We can talk about DEI and stuff like that affecting certain themes in this game.... but Ito saying 'it doesn't mean it's sexual' would explain why it's taken out of the remake. Ito has supervised the Bloober design team on this, so they would have so much more context and info from the man himself... Still, it appears to conflict with James' psyche, bc it is through his very perspective that we are perceiving the town and how it presents itself to James so ofc if James sees something explicit, so are we the player. We are seeing the town and monsters through his eyes. And there is much to say about whether or not the other characters are even seeing the same town, but I'll get to that too. There is also the possibility that it's just 'creative freedom' on Bloober's part. It sucks, but overall... the game's pros outweigh the cons. Symbolism for Silent Hill is a very strong trait though, so I'm a bit conflicted about those changes. In the end, PH being a punisher and attacking the delusions of James' traumatised state of mind is fundamental, so as long as that is present, then I can't really say it's so inaccurate ig. It does imho, take away from PH's menacing persona and tones the disturbing factor down which consequently, in my humble opinion, makes him less scary. Intimidating, perhaps.. but less so. He looks very cool though lol. Especially how he breaks the walls during the chase and the final PH battle, I was super impressed with it! I didn't really like how PH was animated in the cutscene in the first fight (the way he turns around, idk..) but I love how they both throw the spears at you! This fight definitely improved upon the og version. Ah, and the sound of his heavy footsteps are wonderful as well! There was another creative thing Bloober did with PH's knife where you have to pick it up to advance through the tentacle wall thing. I realised this was a manifestation of James mental blocks since he starts holding his head in pain. But I thought "oh cool! James is gonna use the Great Knife to cut them!" But sadly, no.. but.. those tentacles would peel back, afraid of the presence of PH's knife... they are delusions after all~

Oh btw.. I didn't realize this before, but as soon as you attain Angela's knife, PH appears with the Great Knife - before this, he is unarmed. In Remake, right after you get her knife, you can hear PH's infamous screeching coming from dragging the Great Knife, reiterating that he is James. Subtle but very cool! I can't believe I didn't make that connection myself lol bah.

A bit more gripes to mention though: his strange janky movements that were imitated in remake made it look like a sad parody of the original scene, which was much more disturbing. I think it would have been better had they not added that part, it was random to see when he was moving as normal as one does trying to apprehend the mannequins, then calmly and slowly assessing the room only to suddenly flail about and strike random poses barely reminiscent of what he does in the original...and then just stand there as if James never shot him 🤨 not to mention, James looks so unbothered in this scene, he doesnt look at all anxious like in the original..the whole 'interaction' looked awkward. The original scene was paced better giving PH a kind of build up to those strange movements. I also dislike the lack of reaction and bad pacing with several of Remake's cutscenes as it toned down much of the intensity in crucial moments of the game, like in this one with PH. Yet... improved on others that I think were made better than the original's by elaborating on them.

Anyway I will touch on this and add more criticisms on remake in another post, this one is long enough lol; i just tried to get my thoughts on PH in one post but if I missed something I'll just add it in the PT.2.

If you actually read this, you must be as obsessed as I am (thank you)! Feel free to add your thoughts if you want, I love talking about silent hill symbolism or the ideologies behind The Order.

[celestialmancer]

...Highkey was not. Expecting this one ramble I wrote of Ishtar to end up digging into some really personal vulnerabilities around my own.

...But. After several months of wanting to start opening the doors to rambling on these things (& chickening out) I finally. Got things down.

[stapler-oj-backup]

my rdr2 OC

Bergrós Lilja Mánadóttir

Bergrós Lilja Mánadóttir: bɛrkrouːs Lɪːlja Mauːnatouʰtɪːr

Rough translation: Mountain-Rose Lily Moon's daughter

(art by me)

Ramblings about my character and her story below the cut

Design

Inspirations:

upper left: Alice White

upper right: unfinished first concept of Bergrós by me

Lower right: Clara Bow

Lower left: Elena, a model for Voriagh

When I was designing Bergrós, I wanted for her to look like a person, like she could actually belong in the game, she has smile lines, eye bags, and moles. Not gonna deny that she isn't sorta a self-insert so I can indulge in my fantasies with Charles, can you really blame me?

I wanted her to have big eyes, I was really inspired by 1920s beauty standards. Big eyes, small, pouty lips, I also decided that she would have plump cheeks and a soft jawline and as you can see, she's had that kinda nose (straight nose with a nose bump?) since I started designing her.

One major change would be the eye and hair color, I changed it because I wanted to.

Character/Backstory

I'm Icelandic, and I can't make an OC without including my culture, so she's an Icelandic immigrant. (Which is historically accurate, look up Vesturfarar)

I'm writing a story, and my plan for her character arc is for her to start out sorta shy and meek, almost typical "small and tiny y/n" but I PROMISE that's not all she is.

The gist is, I want the only real change to be confidence. She's opinionated, passionate, kinda hotheaded and smart from day one, she just doesn't think she is or doesn't think that people want to listen or will listen, so she holds her tongue, and as the story progresses she starts to realise her strengths and starts being louder, firmer, but she's still super sweet and kind, like she doesn't lose that completely.

Also she's bad at english at the start of the story, because she's only been in America for maybe a year and a half but as the story progresses she improves, esp after the timeskip.

I want her to be just barely less reserved than Charles, she definitely talks more than him and initiates most conversations but they also have their quiet moments.

I personally hc Charles as autistic, I'm not diagnosed or anything but I definitely have traits, and I want them to have a quiet moment together in Clemens Point while they're both overstimulated, idk just something really sweet.

Random Factoids

Her favourite fruit is apples

She's scared of heights

Her favourite animal is bison, she likes their build, thinks it's silly

Before she came to America it was ravens

Kinda likes Pearson's stew, she's had worse

! SPOILER RDR2 STORY !

(rambling about my plans for my Canon x OC fic, fight me)

my fic:

(also don't read if you don't want spoilers for my fic ig, if you’re really, really interested because that's all this section is)

So she and Charles have a itsy bitsy romance right? and they're both reserved so it's all slow. My idea is that her and Charles kiss right before the big bank robbery in Saint Denis, after that, basically everything goes to shit for the next days/weeks so they don't really have time to really figure their feelings out before they get seperated for the seven years between the story and the epilogue.

And in these 7 years, Bergrós (nicknamed Rosie by the gang, Rosa by Javier) has a ton of shit happen to her in those seven years (obvi) I'm talking maybe Pinkerton kidnapping, attacks, bounty hunting, all that.

And by the end she's had to become this rugged and harsh persona to survive, (I mean being an nomad woman ain't easy)

(I also have a little idea of her being called like "the desert rose" or smth because she's had become this ruthless outlaw/nomad and I think she spends most of the 7 years in mexico or by the boarder and obvi not a lot of red heads there but Idk might be a little cringe)

By the time John and co come to Beecher's Hope she's also in the area and kinda watches over them, because she doesn't know how to approach them (esp Charles, she still loves him but she doesn't know if he still loves her and the potential hurt makes her hesitate to reach out)

And I kinda want her to be forced to reach out. Maybe she gets hurt badly by the skinner brothers and the Marstons and co are the only ones close enough that she trusts to help. And there's a sweet little reunion but...

What if I add an extra layer of conflict 😼

What if, she's still hesitant to talk out whatever is between her and Charles, and then in American venom (which she comes along for, duh), Charles mentions going to Canada and get a wife and whatevs and she gets all jealous in the sad way, like its some confirmation that he doesn't want her.

And she gets super sad and distances herself from him for a while blah blah blah, eventually Charles corners her and they work it out.

The rest would just be them building their life in Canada.

Side note: I'm also thinking of doing a chapter or two about Charles's 7 years post-gang? I've been writing a little and I feel kinda confined to following the script of the game and whatever so headcanoning and making stuff up might be more fun. Maybe I'll get better as I keep writing, this is my first time doing it after all.

Also, she does have friendships with other characters, don't worry, her life doesn't revolve around Charles lol. She's friends with the girls, Arthur, Javier, Sean, Uncle, and Hosea.

[milktian]

WuWa spoilers under the cut!! I just finished I think the first act? I just need to get this off my chest. There's still a lil more but ill probs edit this when i finish that yippee

EDIT: so there wasn't a lil more they just stick your character in a chair and when you get out quest over. Lil weird but alright.

So. The story itself is intriguing - the exposition dumps really weren't great tho like my eyes kept glazing over but i think I got the general gist. It isn't the strongest start, but I can only hope it gets better from here cause i still really really enjoyed myself.

I'm not sure if I was meant to do Lingyang's quest earlier + meet Yuanwu earlier cause they just kinda,,, showed up in the final stretches and like i've never met them in the story before. It was a lil jarring

Also.

Havoc Rover.

One-winged Angel Rover..... i want to wait until enough time has come out but you know i'm drawing that. I do need to get a handle on his playstyle though im so used to spectro rover jfdnjkhdilk

The Threnodian (?) Puppet (??) boss was literally so cool i can already see WuWa's enemy designs being in my top top favourite of enemies designs and I am not even kidding. It was so like,,,,, cool and freaky and oufjdjsglfk gushing about them. I wish there was a way to see that model somewhere like in an archive but im begging i wanna look at it when im not fighting for my life.

Also side note: the fighting in general, combined with enemy designs weirdly reminds me of the dark souls games??? Like to me it feels like it smooshed genshin + dark souls together and y'know what, i needed that. Ik it's stupid to compare it to dark souls just cause it has a dodge + parry mechanic and the enemies, but i don't know how my brain works dude. it just does that

Also the domain was sick as shit im so ill rn. You can't use cameras in the domains i think (rip) so this was the only one i got. I also hope they have the cutscene on yt or something cause there's like one frame which is gonna replace my argenti wallpaper (sorry bb)

The new area - Norfolk Barrens - also looked super cool. I adore wuwa's environmental design. I've only been through it during the story, but I'm excited to explore. Once I'm free of story and quest stuff, I'm gonna go on my 100% everything spree like in genshin lmao

I'm tempted to pull for Jiyan but I kinda wanna save? he is super fun but I'm trying to be more like,,,, ig reserved when it comes to pulling in case there's someone who I prefer later on. I wanna focus on building lingyang + Havoc Rover for now. I don't care too much about the meta but i still wanna survive in combat yknow

despite the bugs and stuff i've encountered, im having a super fun time and can't wait to see where it goes!!