#lazyboy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yurozo · 6 months ago

Text

holidays headcanons (resident evil)

┌─── ∘°❉°∘ ───┐ characters: chris, leon, jill, claire, rebecca, carlos, luis, ada, wesker warnings: mentions of alcohol, some swearing.

a/n: i know this is late but all the recent love for the restaurant au inspired me!! check that one out here! love u pookies and i hope you had a great holidays <3 if you want me to cover anyone else, or have any other suggestions for au's please let me know! └─── °∘❉∘° ───┘

chris redfield:

this man comes for one reason and one reason alone: the food. you best believe chris redfield is grabbing two plates piled sky-high and scarfing it down before the rest have even served themselves. because of a particular incident involving leon and a nerf gun, chris has been banished to the kids table for the foreseeable future. he gets to sit there with (baby) sherry in a shitty little plastic barbie chair that claire bought off amazon-- the legs are bowing under his weight and are clearly destined to snap during some point in the night. as for the games, chris takes no part in it. why? he's stone cold passed out in the lazyboy. i'm talking full on snoring, scratching at his chest, mouth open, and drooling asleep. nothing is waking that man up from his food coma, other than literally firing a gun three inches away from his ears.

as for you, chris softens a little bit. he'll reluctantly indulge whatever you want to do, even if he's grumbling about it a little the whole time. this man is a practical gift giver, unless claire gets involved and gets you something indulgent in chris' name. if it were up to chris alone, he's replacing whatever you have that's worn down or unusable. he just wants to see you comfortable and stress-free, and he really doesn't have the mind for other things.

leon kennedy:

respectfully, he's the typical white dad of the group. he eats a good amount of mashed potatoes and roast beef, downs a couple whiskeys, and he's out for the count. there's been a couple occasions that he's gotten a little too rowdy, and relentlessly barraged the dinner table with whatever one-liners or borderline traumatic stories that come to his mind. he's fine, he swears, it really was funny that time he almost got blown up.

god forbid sherry grows up and starts bringing partners around the place, leon takes it upon themselves to act like her personal bodyguard. he'll sit in an armchair and stare daggers at them every time they so much as touch her, and it takes a while for him to warm up to them. for the games, do NOT ask that man to play charades. honestly, it will just be embarrassing for the both of you.

leon really does try his best when it comes to you. his gifts are usually something you eyed while out with him somewhere, which he very sneakily bought while you weren't looking. however, he's downright terrible at hiding it for you if he buys it ahead of time. you have to just act surprised and loving about the whole thing, and leon's putty in your hands. there's always a hand around your waist when you're in the vicinity, and leon loves to brag about your title in casual conversations. (eg. "yeah, my wife/husband is a pretty good cook. it's no big deal")

jill valentine:

jill's been banned from helping in the kitchen for five years. it's not her fault, honestly, she got a little too distracted sharing war stories with the others that she forgot the yorkshires were still in the oven. she'll happily eat everything though, or bring a store-bought dessert if need be. every single year, she takes photos of chris passed out in the armchair until she can make a photo album to gift him. there's a framed photo of chris mid-fall after the barbie chair finally gave way that's hanging above the fireplace, courtesy of her. also likes to take lil sips of leons whiskey when he's not looking since he always brings the good stuff.

she claims that she doesn't get into the games, but she gets super intense about charades to the point that everyone's reluctant to team up with her. she's shouting answers like there's a ticking bomb that will go off when the time runs out, and she'll scold you if she thinks your acting performance wasn't oscar worthy. she's flinging around a beer can during the whole thing and nearly soaking everyone in the vicinity.

when you start coming around for the holidays, jill visibly relaxes. she can let a lot of her guard down, and everyone likes to give her shit about how lovesick and happy she becomes. she's also a victim of the practical gift giving trait, but occasionally she likes to buy you something just because she thinks you would look nice in it. but there's always an extra gift at home that she won't let you open in front of the others, she has to maintain some sort of dignity.

claire redfield:

her and rebecca are the only reasons this tradition goes on for as long as it does. rebecca does most of the logistics, claire is the one who keeps that ship running while it's happening. the two of them are such a scary pair when they want shit done, that everyone else just has to follow along. claire is the one that banished chris to the kids table, but still lingers around to keep an eye on sherry and make sure she's eating enough. when sherry's old enough to bring partners around, she's the welcoming one, and will secretly jab leon in the ribs whenever he starts acting up.

claire likes to experiment with the games every single year, usually after incidents or fights break out. white elephant got banned after four different people just bought gift cards to the gun store (im assuming this exists there, im canadian). she's shaking the box of names aggressively at anyone who tries to get away, and will tip chris right out of that damn chair. they rarely get to be together with all the missions, so help her god they're going to enjoy it.

you're the first person claire actually brings around. sure, she's had relationships, but bringing you around to family christmas is a big deal. and don't worry, everyone else will tell you just how much of a big deal it is. you're the first person she tells everything too, and on the drive there, she's giving you a full run down on what she thinks of everyone (claire has very strong opinions). for gifts, she loves to buy you things. her favourite gifts are outfits either you can wear on her motorcycle, or matching clothes she painted herself.

rebecca chambers:

the holidays are a stressful time for her. not only does she have to cook for the most ravenous group of people that definitely do not cook for themselves enough, but she has to make sure they don't kill each other during it. despite that, dinner is always amazing, and the desserts are just to die for. she takes a special pride in her desserts, and if a couple extra supplements sneak themselves into the dinner, she definitely does not know anything about that. one of the few things that gets her through the holidays is the extra sweet hot chocolate and egg nog concoction that she makes for herself. leon tried it one time by accident and nearly gagged at just how sweet it was.

rebecca is very into the games and gifts section. it's the one time she gets to sit down and relax a little bit, and she does love how intense everyone gets about the whole thing. she's just happy that everyone can get together, and maybe relax after everything that's happened. despite her enthusiasm and smarts, she is downright terrible at charades. her answers are always way too complex for the minute they have to guess whatever she's miming. how the hell is anyone supposed to guess t-011 from hand gestures?

rebecca is by far the best gift giver out of the bunch. whatever she buys you is well-thought out, personal, and helpful. she likes to have you hang around the kitchen while she cooks, and will always feed you little spoonfuls under the guise of taste-testing. really, she just wants to make sure you eat, especially before chris can get his grubby little hands on the entrees.

luis sera:

leon invited him a total of one time, and luis had just become a permanent fixture of the whole thing. you best believe luis is bringing a karaoke machine and performing bad renditions of holiday music complete with an improvised choreography. he tried to bring leon into it one time, and nearly got roundhoused so hard that rebecca had to take them both out like misbehaving dogs. despite that, he always brings around a home-cooked entree to dinner, which rebecca appreciated greatly. luis also has the tendency to spin great tales about what he did during the year, which are definitely all lies.

in part two of the party, luis likes to be a little tipsy for the whole thing. who can blame him, he likes a party. just don't get him talking about his work, he'll talk about it for hours with increasingly complicated language that only rebecca can understand. like her too, he also gets really into the games section. luis is mentally keeping track of the stores, and will argue with anyone that tries to get the one up on him. i mean, he really deserved the point on the last one, so what if he buffs the numbers a little?

luis love to brag about you to all the others, you're his lovely partner and somehow agreed to date him, how could he not? his gifts for you are always a little extravagant, because he wants everyone else to know just what a good boyfriend he is. you're also the reason why he got chewed out over pda during the holidays. luis is just not the kind of man that can keep his hands off you, it's the season of romance.

carlos oliveira:

he's the one person who rebecca allows in the kitchen. carlos is always willing to help, and he'll even do it with a cheesy little apron on. it just makes his ass look nice, and these people deserve a treat on the holidays. god forbid carlos, leon, and jill are sitting together for dinner. they're throwing around the worst jokes known to man, and cackling loudly the whole time, especially if they're a couple beers deep. he's used to a big family, so this kind of gathering is right in his element. he makes sure there's enough food and drink for everyone, even if he's next to chris in eating it all.

another victim of getting too into the games. he likes to have fun and joke around, so he's definitely energetic, but doesn't take it too seriously. carlos is ultimately there to have a good time, and if a pretty woman is telling him to play, he's definitely not going to say no. he's relaxing back in his chair, beer in hand, yelling out suggestions and laughing loudly.

for you, he's just happy to bring you around and show you a good time. you don't have to worry about a damn thing during the holidays, carlos is doing everything so you can just lay back and enjoy the festivities. your drink is empty? carlos is already up and heading to the fridge. you want more dessert? there's another plate already in your hands.

ada wong:

no one really knows the reason she's here. people suspect she found out the location through her own means and just started showing up. or that wesker invited her for insurance reasons. she'll offer to help in the kitchen, and they always turn her down because she's definitely overdressed and they don't want to risk her getting dirty. during the dinner, she just like to witness the inevitable trash fire, or chatting quietly with luis about whatever work drama happening with him.

she's not playing any games. don't ask her. ada will give you a mean glare until you leave her alone. she wants to sit there and watch the wreckage and drink her little drink, she is not playing charades even if there's a gun to her head. get her to gossip though? she will happily engage in telling you dirty secrets about everyone else ( no one can figure out how the hell she knows these things).

ada's rigging the whole thing so you win. she wants to see you happy, and you'll be even happier when you see what she's got you. again, there's no way to tell exactly how she knows what you wanted, but you can be sure you're getting it. and it's in a pretty box, carefully put together and wrapped with a red bow. there's also a mistletoe in her pocket, for when she can finally get you alone.

albert wesker:

no one knows who invited him. no one knows where he is the whole time (he's in the bedroom, pointedly avoiding everyone else). he'll come down to dinner, eat his food, say nothing, and go back upstairs. he's also not going to engage in any sort of ugly sweater tradition, he's wearing all black, and god help anyone who tries to get him to wear anything else. wesker will speak up about his open disdain for chris, but it's quickly shut down by rebecca before he can start a fight.

he doesn't really come around all that often. he prefers to do his work, have his own celebration, and pretend all these people don't exist. after certain events, he becomes a bit of an unspoken topic amongst everyone else-- just a person that used to come around thats' been replaced by their new family.

the only way he'll do anything for the holidays is if you're there. yes, he's going to complain and say he has better things to do, and he would much rather have your own private celebration, but he'll reluctantly do it if you bother him enough. he's giving you his present in private and away from prying eyes, because that relationship is just between you two, not these other people unworthy of even looking at you. whatever you tell him you want, he'll buy. money's no object for him, and anything that will make you happy while he works on other things.

506 notes · View notes

barbiecrocs · 6 months ago

Text

Macho to Mommy's Boy

Kozume Kenma

tags! mommy kink, praise, teasing, of age alcohol drinking, of age Kenma, blow job, hand job, mean Kenma, established relationship, lowkey OOC, sub Kenma, dom reader, mention of pegging, mention of marking, lowkey public sex (house party bathroom)

Sumsum - At a party buzzing with booze, he dares to ignore you—choosing pride over your peace. Little does he know, it's his peace that he was tampering with.

WC.1915

Barbies Note... Imma be so real and not even give yall an excuse as to why I haven’t been posting. Yall know I be with the bullshit sometimes so just enjoy the story.😭

Oh gosh, here we go again… Here he fucking goes again. Acting all big, bad, macho, and masculine to impress his dumbass volleyball friends once he gets some alcohol in him. For a little bit of context, you guys are at a house party right now and you ever so sweetly asked your boyfriend to leave because you were getting overstimulated. Yet, he hits you with, “Not now babe.” His voice deeper than it really is. His friends go quiet, knowing how you like to get down. The only thing that breaks the silence is the music as Kuroo turns it up a couple notches. Regardless of how awkward it is, you stand your ground, hands now on your hips with a sassy eyebrow raised. You can see him bite his lip nervously, but the alcohol that's hitting him helps keep the act up. Usually you'd pull him aside in the moment and chew his ear off with anger, but no. You have something a lot more interesting in mind this time. You were going to break him, so hard that he'll never try this shit ever again.

The conversation moves along smoothly once you leave. But to Kenma’s surprise the boys begin drilling him on how much he's changed.

“Damnnnn, Kenma. When you'd become such a beast?” Bokuto slurs, sipping on the alcohol in his cup, and gathering the attention of Tsukki, Yamaguchi, and Kuroo who sat on the couch. “I don’t know what you mean. It's always been like this.” Kenma banters, failing to stick the cocky tone to his words. In return he catches a weird look from Kuroo. His only friend that knows everything, but doesn't ever plan on busting his bubble. Tsukki chuckles, knowing he's gotta be full of shit. “Uh, yeah sure. Let's not forget about the anti-social hunchback creature you were in high school. Face glued to your 20th century Gameboy with your headphones plugged in to ignore all other sound. Trust and believe, we remember.” Tsukki gains a very subtle side eye from Kenma until the rest of the group joins in on laying it on thick. “Yeah, now that I think about it, you changed a lot after high school. Appearance-wise too. Your hair is barely bleached anymore, just the tips, and it's way longer now.” Yamaguchi adds, but before Kenma can get a word out, they begin talking about how much everyone has changed since their senior years. Reminiscing about the funny moments, volleyball games, going to eat out with their teams, and all of a sudden he notices that the attention is no longer on him.

He starts to come down from his social high and realizes how angry he might've made you and how he'll pay for it later. He lifts up from his loveseat, setting out to go find you only to be pushed back down by a strong force. He looks up at who is to blame and to his pleasure his eyes meet yours. “Oh, Y/n. Listen, I'm really sor-”

“It's too late for that now.” You scold in a heartless tone. He pinches his lips closed with his teeth, knowing how pissed you are right now. But what confuses him is why you squish in next to him with your legs over his lap and blanket delicately placed over the both of you. “You want to stay? Then we'll stay, so get comfy.”

—

Just when Kenma begins to sink down into the Lazyboy chair, he feels a hand rub his thigh. The action blasts him awake. His eyes dart over to your face in search of an emotion that might give away your intentions, but nothing.

He readjusts his legs in hopes to shake your touch, but you grip his thigh tightly to hold him still. The action is very subtle to the group, but it speaks volumes to him as he catches you in a half-assed smirk. “Stay still for mommy.” You whisper into his neck while tugging at the zipper on his pants.

—

Kenma's soft and breathy moans hit your eardrums as you stroke his cock and whisper degrading things into his ear with your head on his shoulder. Your hand moves up and down gently and delicately while rubbing his tip every time you reach the top, making his tongue roll out of his mouth. And there's a strong temptation to lean forward and take his lips with yours, but you don't want to draw attention to your actions. Even though there's a good chance no one would notice with the alcohol that's coursing through them. Hell, most of them are even knocked out with drool spilling from the corners of their mouths while the rest make drunk phone calls and texts to their designated drivers, or play games on their phones.

Turning your attention back to Kenma, you search his face for an expression only to see tears bubbling at the ends of his eyes and it's hard for you not to find the sight cute. If you were alone, you'd rip the blanket off, place his legs over the arms of the loveseat, and tease his cute little butthole until he cums all over his stomach. But sadly, that's not going to happen right now.

“Mommy faster, please.” He whines lowly, taking you out of your raunchy thoughts. To your dismay, he starts bucking into your fist and digs his heels into the carpet below for better balance and strength. “Last time I checked, that's not how you ask for things Kenken.” You whisper, folding your arms, taking your legs off his lap, and turning away from him. Unbeknownst to him, you had a fat smile on your face, excited and wondering what he might do next. And of course, his only course of action is the wrong one.

“No, mommy!” He whisper-yells, gripping your shoulder and you quickly shake him off, having to fix your face before turning back to whisper. “Well, you're just breaking all the rules, huh? You know not to touch mommy without permission.” You hop up from your shared seat and walk to the kitchen for a drink. You make sure to stay in his line of vision to tease and teach him a lesson. Just when you pick up a bottle of Vodka, a hand takes your wrist and leads you to the bathroom.

He leans you up against the bathroom door and sits his head on your shoulder. He moans into your ear, breathy and whiney just how you like it, “Mommy please, I'm sorry. I need you. I want you so bad. I can't take it anymore. I'm gonna go fucking crazy.” Fuck, he knows how to get you going. His hands are heavily placed at the sides of your waist with his knee brushing against your pussy. It makes you get wetter by the second and you bite your lip to stop a low and wispy ‘fuckkkkk’ from escaping your lips.

To get the upper hand again, you switch positions with him, pushing him up against the door while gradually sliding a hand down his chest to his clothed hard dick. An immediate whimper is pushed out his mouth and you can feel him rut against you again. “Don't you fucking dare unless you want me to stop again.” You threaten. “Or, maybe I should stop anyway. You've been a very bad boy Kenken. Giving me sass, rutting against me, and using your hands. If only there was some way to make it up to me.” Your hand unzips his pants for the second time tonight, but this is the first that you actually got on your knees. “Beg.” You say, kissing the tip of his cock and going as far as taking his balls in before you leave him hanging again.

That little taste of what's to come was all that was needed to throw him over the edge because from then on he completely breaks. “Oh my god, mommy please~ I'm really sorry for earlier, please forgive me. Please, please, please, take me into your mouth. I need it mommy. Fuck~” He begins to hiccup and the tears beading at the corners of his eyes finally stream down his face. Only then do you realize his physical state. His body is entirely reliant on the door behind him as he pants and whines. His voice comes out hoarse with constant cracks in it, and his eyes blink slowly almost as if he's not all the way here anymore. His hair sticks to his forehead and neck with sweat, tears wet his face, and his raging boner is an angry chili pepper red color with precum dripping everywhere. You finally give in to his delicious submissiveness and can't wait to see how cute he’ll look when he cums.

“Kenken, look at all that yummy precum. You want mommy to lick you clean?” He feverishly nods his head, even banging it against the door by accident a couple of times and a wimpy “pleaseee” leaves his quivering lips. You take him into your mouth once more, hollowing your cheeks to create a vacuum-like sensation to get the most of his precum into your mouth. Once you're done, you go back and forth pumping and sucking him when he finally begins to feel that growing knot of pleasure in his stomach. “Oh fuck! Mommy, your mouth feels so good around me. Don't stop.” He praises. Not only turning you on times a thousand, but taking you by surprise in how loud he gets as if you guys weren't in his friend's bathroom. ‘Well there goes all my efforts of being discreet.’ You think to yourself. You'd usually tell him to pipe down, or take a second to stuff your panties in his mouth, but you think that if you stop again for even a second, he actually might die. “Mommy, I'm so close. Please let me cum. Please?” He cries out loudly, hyperventilating, hiccuping, and gasping like he just ran a marathon for the first time ever. The pleasure has him on cloud nine and in a moment of weakness, his legs give out for a split second. He leans over you while gripping the sink for balance and a mixture of tears and sweat drips off his chin and onto your forehead as you pump his cock at a break-neck speed. “Cum for me Kenma.” You say mouth open and ready to receive his seed. “Oh shit! Oh fuck! Oh my god, Y/n! I'm gonna fucking- I'm gonna- Fuck, fuck fuck!~” He moans before going completely radio silent, mouth agape, and eyes rolled back as you stroke him through his mind-numbing orgasm. “What do you say, Kenken?" You ask as he subconsciously begins sliding down the door, but you catch him and sling an arm over your shoulder. “Thank you mommy.” He says, putting together his last two brain cells to sound coherent as you help his exhausted self limp out of the bathroom.

You guys walk into the living room where the music that was once loud is lowly playing in the background. That fact only helps you confirm that everyone definitely heard what went down a few moments ago. Well, not everyone who is sound asleep, but everyone who's pretending to be to avoid any awkward confrontation. You snicker at the sight while grabbing anything you guys left on the loveseat before your bathroom fiasco and head home for the night.

#smut #kenma kozume smut #kenma smut #kozume smut #kenma kozume x reader smut #kenma kozume #kozume kenma #haikyuu smut

122 notes · View notes