#learning how enjoy type things
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frawggie · 7 months ago
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Spawn Astarion, years and years after the events of BG3, has finally come to fully and truly enjoy sex and every aspect of control and vulnerability that comes with.
In his most heated and passionate moments with Tav (or resist Durge), he now gives these big, toothy smiles and giggles playfully. Whisperings of sweet nothings. It’s not a performance anymore; it’s pure adoration in this intimate space he helped create.
Buried to the hilt in Tav, Astarion stares into their eyes: he’s no longer continents away. He’s present, right there with them, experiencing the world falling away as they both revel in their collective ecstasy.
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creepyscritches · 1 year ago
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Just finished another class on how to not put my foot in my mouth and it's soooo validating to know people have to learn these skills like anything else. I've signed up for uhhh I think this is like my 3rd or 4th? And experts on how to not sound like a dick will school me and 30 other professionals on how to not sound like a dick. Wiiiiiiild how much there is to learn on the intricacies of communication :O
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jazzzzzzhands · 9 months ago
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oh... its officially october i really hadnt noticed... but i have an announcement that ive been dreading to make I say this with a heavy heart... But i wont be doing Inktober this year
I've been doing Inktober for 8 years now And everyyear i pour my heart and soul into doing Inks that seemingly seem to happen by magic and i usually feel such a big inspiration to do my Best Works! and i will admit that i usually prepare for it too But something happened this year and well I havent really been myself this year Art has been hard, doing anything has been hard i am trying! I'm happy to have the asks that i have to inspire me But everytime i've gone to Ink, the drive has.. just not been there i did manage! to do about 4 of them I will post them a bit spaced out through this week But after that.. I think what i will do is that i will reblog my favorite inktobers throughout the year that i have done in honor Another thing im doing is im trying to rekindle my love in different fandoms, because it sort of feels like i've already drawn for everything! i'm watching a lot of shows.. playing games it feels like fandoms are at a standstill right now I'm just waiting for the next big excitement to hit! It definitely feels like a grand Pause Where im revisiting a lot of old shows while im waiting I know not a lot of people will be bothered, Im not a very well known artist. But for anyone who knew me for my inks I do apologize to you and to myself It honestly breaks my own heart that im just... not doing it this year ive always looked so forward to it... But also ive always just tried to do the extraordinary, always one-upping myself! going the distance! Inktober always has been magical for me... I'm not sure if i will be "fixed" by next year or if it will feel ok to return after missing a year but i just dont have it this year the drive, the motivation, the energy, the magic... i have to look inside and find it again
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buttercupshands · 11 days ago
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Zoned out while playing Earthbound after doing exam stuff bc I liked the atmosphere in that place
Felt like meditating with cool music on as well
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arolesbianism · 5 months ago
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I've been doing a casual second lob corp playthrough for fun and one thing that I've really come to adore is how the different success rates can paint a pretty cool image of how work with it looks like at different levels of each work type and while I think it's kind of sad that base game you can't see the work percentages I also think it in a way adds a fun game of is this marginally harder at level five than four or is my guy just being bad at their job
#rat rambles#lonotomy posting#like one of my favorite details is how dimensional refraction variant has its three less preferred works as 0% for the first two levels and#then 40% for the rest because it rly paints the image of a low level employee being completely unable to do those work types due to not#being able to see it but higher level employees being able to better work around feeding or talking to or whatever to smth they can't see#I also enjoy how the first two attachment work levels of scorched girl aren't dead zero while everything higher is#again its just small things that just sorta make sense with the abnormality even if the work types will still almost never be used#although I don't consider 40% a complete deal breaker if you have high level guys and are desperate lol#oh also shout out to der freischütz for being an absolute bro I love repression trainers 🎉🎉🎉#ofc he has a prerequisite but once you reach level three you can easily grind out to level five in like one work day#plus good gear and good ego gift and you have an abno worth taking as early as you can handle it#which if youre lucky with your teths should be as soon as hes available#still dont care abt him as an abnormality but hes a nice asset to have#also one thing thats been fun to remember is how comically easy most the upper layer sephirah missions are#like especially nezatch's worlds hardest quest play the game#might as well be asking me to finish the day dude we're in the early game#like I know its early game and these might as well just be a tutorial but its still funny to me#tbf the lower layers also have their fair share of piss baby missions#which heavily contrast miss 'suppress a billion abnormalities' gebura lol#I know some ppl have problems with chesed missions but I think yall just need to learn to minmax better <3#I jest but I struggle to see myself having any problems with them during this playthrough#rly the biggest thing Ive learnt this playthrough is that I was fucking robbed during my first playthrough like I did not realize how easy#it is to actually get decent gear early game when the game actually gives you he and waws to chew on#like dude the first day waws were available I got given three waws to choose from where was this my first playthrough#like I wont complain too much since my first ever waw was king of greed and thats a pretty decent first waw but still#anyways Im kind of endeared to some of my nuggets in this save but I dont rly feel like doing anything with them atm#I mightttt give throw them a bone and semi canonize them to my main facility or give them a spin off story but Im not sure rn#again none of them are rly calling to me in the way my main nuggets did so Im not feeling especially obligated to throw that bone#but if I ever start yapping abt a guy called noah know what happened
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bubmyg · 1 year ago
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writing this in the tags bc i need to articulate it somewhere that isn’t to my mother on the phone
#I work at a firm w seven (well. six.) partners#so they are all technically my bosses but I rlly only do work for two /maybe/ four of them#i was hired under the guise of being my one boss’ like. protege.#as in when he retires I’ll take over his practice. and also he’s so busy that i could help some of that now.#his area of practice is like. so complex and huge that it isn’t something u learn in months. maybe not even years.#but atp what happens is he meets directly w the clients and then i do literally everything else.#which is fine. except for two things.#1) he has now started joking about how he’s going to be ‘the face’ of it while i do everything#which wouldn’t bother me so much if he was Paying Me For It.#bc 2) he’s only allocating HALF. my hourly rate for those type of clients#I spend. idk prob 70% of my billable hours on his clients. and he’s only allocating half my hourly for them.#and im just like. I wasn’t hired to be ur assistant 😭 im an attorney too 😭 teach me???????????#some days when I really sit and think abt it it just makes me want to switch to directly report to my other boss#i looooove working for my other boss. and i rlly enjoy his area of practice too!!!!#and he like. has basic respect for me as an attorney 😭#anyway idk. it gets more frustrating the more responsibility i take on………….#thoughts inspired by good boss apologizing to me today for overstepping me while talking to a client#and referring to it as being like my bad boss 😭#not bad. he isn’t a bad boss. i just. idk KENFKWNFKSNDK
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a1sart · 1 year ago
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I made marble sky ocs <3
they're like toxic doomed yuri I love them
also I did not intend for their color palettes to literally just be the lesbian flag but y'know what I think it works
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depresseddepot · 6 months ago
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SO THERE'S THIS APOSTATE NAMED MORRIGAN.......
#so far my dragon age experience has been me having low expectations bc its an older game#and nostalgia does a lot of heavy lifting with some games and how people enjoyed them#and then me being blown out of the fucking water#i have so many theories about who what and why and from where and im so used to automatically dismissing most of them#bc games dont usually get That Serious but origins has not pulled any damn punches so far so why would they start now??#anyway this post is about morrigan who i thought would be a villain and is instead so fucking funny#the banter with alistair is killing me#you know what else is killing me? the fact that she can't be romanced by a female player#AND THE FACT THAT YOU CANNOT FUCKING ROMANCE CULLEN IN THIS GAME#HE WAS PRAISING YOU AND STUTTERING AND BEGGING YOU TO KEEP TALKING TO HIM IN THE MAGI TOWRR AND YOU CANT ROMANCE HIM????#i am SO mad#i am glad i learned early tho bc i wouldve been holding out on a cullen romance the entire game and been very confused#i think ill romance alistair? idk hes a bit too much of a frat boy for me but he is growing on me#and i do love a man with manners (templars apparently)#also he mellowed out a lot after the darkspawn battle and takes things more seriously now methinks#and tbh i dont have many other options LOL#lelaina is. not my type (at least not yet lol she literally JUST joined the party)#BUT i am very interested in zevran. i havent met him yet but i think ill like him#i wanted to romance cullen :( and then duncan after that :( and then morrigan after that :(#i am also very glad i decided to start with origins bc apparently some characters make appearances in later games#and i LOVE that stuff#no more googling for me tho!! ive never played a whole series without any spoilers so i want to try it
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adhdtsukasa · 11 months ago
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when the song is so great you gotta pull the
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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...
#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel#the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule#and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office#classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a#mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively#i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when#i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an#office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then#when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low#energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its#like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that#i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my#lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to#convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture#of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like#they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha#yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc#i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself#from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode#and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at#like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop#so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd#also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry#bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting#hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that#the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun#unrelated
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crest-of-gautier · 2 years ago
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pq posting before i go to bed! a shorter session (3 hours) but it was nice and i'm happy to say that i finished you in wonderland!
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THIS WAS SO FUNNY... honestly i don't think i give enough credit to akihiko and mitsuru's dynamic they're literally so good i really enjoy how well they know each other but also they're like.. a constant in each other's life and i do enjoy their interactions a lot even if i never vocalize it...
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wow yosuke, who would've thought that you two are partners, this guy literally introduced himself as your wife /s (i kinda regret naming souji yosuke wifey but im glad i wrote the y in lowercase bc otherwise i wouldn't be able to tell their dialogue apart 💀
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and finally, yosuke <3
some more elaborate thoughts (aka speculation) under the cut because i learned my lesson from last time
ok unfortunately i can't say that im going to go AS INSANE as i did last time when i was spitballing in the tags for the second pq posting just because i feel like i aired out most of my "AAAA WHO IS ZEN AND REI??" there but.
i do have to say that i'm very glad i'm at the point where p3 and p4's casts are able to interact! i can't tell if it's because the writing feels like it shines a little bit better here rather than the solo casts (sometimes i roll my eyes at how junpei and akihiko are with some of the traits the writers play up), or if it's because i'm a guy who's very endeared by crossovers and interactions from characters who didn't exist in the original source material.
i had a lot of times where i was writing things down in my notes software during the crossover segments and im just?? really endeared and creatively inspired by it, to be honest. i really like this aspect of pq.
i think something that catches my interest with zen and rei at the moment is the difference in how they're.. regaining their memories. like... it's interesting to me that zen is able to get some of his memories back from the stuffed rabbit marked with "niko," but rei doesn't. i don't really know how much i can speculate off of this atm (i feel like this is something i'd get more info on when i progress through the second labyrinth, or it's something i'm missing out on because i can't use intertextuality to piece things together. i dont know shit about alice in wonderland.)
like it does make me think that maybe these two are like.. separate entities in that respect (rather than a shared one? but i could be wrong, and i welcome that!). but also there's something that makes my brain go "AAA" about how adamant zen is about wanting to protect rei despite not having any memories, because my brains like "WELL WHAT IF ZEN'S TRUE IDENTITIES AND MEMORIES ARE ACTUALLY THE OPPOSITE, AND DON'T WANT GOOD THINGS FOR REI." poorly phrased but like, it's about the irony, y'know.
i have no fucking clue what rei is supposed to be if we're going under the notion that they're two different things that have lost their memory (she is so head empty only food and its precious tbh). but like my brain just thinks that zen is just... going to end up being some awful incarnation or something like idk. there's something about persona characters with amnesia that make me raise my eyebrow... like just look at ryoji and marie and teddie...
and i guess as another thought on the matter, the way zen and rei work mechanically speaking does make me ponder a bit because like.. obviously, yeah, they can't equip a subpersona because they're... GESTURES. not persona users but FUCK, the way zen and rei have very distinct skillsets just make me wonder if those can allude to what they symbolize. like zen's skills are much more.. destructive and im just like (AIGIS VOICE) "YOU ARE DANGEROUS."
anyways. i am very much invested in the identities of zen and rei but i am also glad that the crossover stuff is here too because i think the sillies will keep me inspired... and also im just happy to see yosuke... i really like yosuke even if i forget that i do a lot of the time..
last thought, after seeing souji talk and move, i think i'd definitely want to look into p4 side... because um. 🥴 i'm really simple guy. i need more minato in my life. (everyone rolls their eyes. i'm predictable!) i want to see minato move and talk. i want to think about him. he's my boyfriend. he's my wife. he's my universe. im being so cringe about him but I DONT THINK THIS IS A SURPRISE TO ANYONE... i like him a lot (NO SHIT, LIZZ). but!!! idk if this'll be something that i watch or play, it depends on what the NG+ functionality in this game is like...
anyway gn!! thanks for reading my delusions im very much enjoying this game and im happy to be playin git.
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dataframe · 16 days ago
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i'm leaving it off just after chapter 10 because otherwise i will be reading this for the rest of the night without properly processing it but truly. truly. this series was made for me. everything abt these two already i am so curious to see where it goes...
#also the ooc ''on operation casualty'' to ''studying is the correct way to solve all psychological issues!'' is sending me. oh song <3#speak#msv lb#...clears my throat. speaking of. extremely funny once again mc eerily familiar. did you all know i'm going into med school.#i do have a good memory when it comes to my major interests (anatomy; surgical/hardware terms for example)#(which are of course relevant to my field to-be. because i'd be an awful practitioner otherwise)#although my short term memory's quite horrid by itself hm. that's mostly ascribed to the pain though from what we can tell#and it wouldn't interfere much with my line of work like it would song's here. presumably. ( ̄  ̄|||) please promise that.#oh and of course. social aspect. all the way down to 'curing infatuation' goddd help me circa 14 yrs old. never be a tutor#also you would never guess it here bc i've learned to Emote (it's much easier) but my flat affect rules my life i fear#plus the whole [gestures] autism diagnosis. i literally studied conversations. i wrote notes. i wrote notes! on how people talked!#it is still difficult. head in my hands#and the whole. thinking too fast to articulate as well... ahhh#ah well!!!#anyway all that is to say these coincidences are so amusing. i love being able to get where the mc's coming from on a personal level#not that it's necessary to enjoy a story ofc#i mean. look at w/tch's h/eart. i could not be more different from claire. that is still one of my favorite game narratives#oh i have my critiques but i have critiques with everything. that i have sm to say at all instead of writing it off is a method of loving..#there are a lot of levels of cultural biases + author vs reader type lenses you can examine with that game specifically#a character all but explicitly referred to as trans; the author did not intend to have him be so. the overarching abuse & its effects#as a personal thing for the author to write into the game; as well as the messages that go untold due to the author's own insensitivity#and inexperience to certain topics but are nonetheless present to and will be extrapolated upon by the reader/player#it's so fun...#but i digress...!!!
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rossithepixie · 2 months ago
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guys my new fish is so smol 😭 They're really gonna be living in the quarantine tank for 1-2 months at least not just for you know checking for illness but also so they can get big enough to not be a goldfish snack.
I think I got pretty standard lil bristle nose pleco. They're brownish and covered in spots. It's hard to get a good picture since they're so tiny. Like barely longer than my thumb nail. And they're always on the glass since i got them home so i'm only able to get pictures of their tummy and mouth. So pictures eventually since currently they're not super interesting pictures. (compared to when i brought home baby penny and patches who while small were already pretty flashy and stood out really well. This lil guy just wants to blend in)
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xoxojisu · 2 months ago
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"DON'T STOP LOVING ME."
synopsis: things were always easy between you and katsuki. until suddenly, they weren't. (aka you pull back and katsuki notices and hates it)
notes: ALWAYS w the unofficialbf!katsuki agenda. wc ~5k. childhood bffs bc duh. barely proofread sorry
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ever since you were three years old with your scraped knees and sticky fingers to now, where teenage life could not be more confusing, there has always been one, unwavering, constant fact.
you're absolutely, utterly, head-over-heels in love with bakugo katsuki.
and you've never been afraid to show it! backhugs, tackling him to the floor, jumping on top of him and climbing him like a jungle gym, telling him you love him like it's the most obvious thing in the world. (it is)
he always scoffs and grumbles, but you'd never take it personally, because when he tells you to get off, he pulls you close. when he complains that you're annoying when you're sick, he brings you soup and medicine and cuddles you to sleep. when he blushes and tells you he hates you, his eyes tell a different story.
so what if he doesn't express it the same way you do? everyone has different ways of showing they care. even if he doesn't say it much, you know katsuki loves you.
right?
-
it was late when you accidentally overheard it. when you froze up and felt your heart drop to the floor. when you started shaking and sweating, eyes darting around for a trash can in case you threw up.
"bakugo, bro, when are you and y/n gonna make it official?" kirishima had teased, throwing an arm around katsuki.
katsuki scoffed and shoved him off. "tch. it's not like that."
"you suuure?" sero questioned. "you two seem awfully close for just friends."
"mannn, if i was bakugo, i'd be all over that. y/n is such a pretty girl!" kaminari chimed in, clearly jealous over his lack of love life.
the teasing continued. you couldn't see him from your angle, but you knew that katsuki definitely had a vein on his forehead that was getting larger by the second.
"you're always carrying her bag, walking her to class.."
"cuddling with her during movie nights, scratching her back.."
"oh! and don't forget how she never forgets to tell him she loooves him whenever they say goodbye!"
"c'mon, bakubro, just spit it out! you two are practically married already!"
the three laughed heartily, clearly enjoying the rise they were getting out of katsuki.
"all of you, shut the hell up!"
"just admit it. you're in love."
he gritted his teeth.
"i'm not in love." he grimaced, venomous anger bubbling to the surface.
"she's just there all the fucking time! always fucking doing girlfriend-y shit when she knows damn well she's not! always clinging and trying to cuddle and all that stupid sappy shit. she's just an annoying fuckin' habit ive learned to tolerate." he spat.
you froze.
what?
was he serious? like, really, truly, deadass serious? you knew he wasn't exactly the super affectionate type, but even still! you thought he really cared about you! clingy? annoying? tolerated?
your head spun as you broke out into a cold sweat. you could've sworn that that wasn't true. you and katsuki have been friends forever. surely he wouldve gotten rid of you by now if he hated you that much, right? and he cuddles you! and hangs out with you! he takes care of you when you're sick! there's just no way, right? he's just angry because he's being teased, right?
..right?
"damn, dude, that's pretty harsh," sero snickered. "you always take care of her, though, no?"
you held your breath.
"tch. doesn't fuckin' mean shit. just gotten used to her because she's been around so long."
your stomach dropped to the basement. he tolerated you. he thought of you as nothing more than an annoying habit.
insecurity pooled inside of you. now that you think about it, was he really cuddling you, or just not bothering to move you off when you laid on him? maybe he just thought you were too much of a hassle to get rid of when you came to hangout, so he just let you stay even thought he didn't want to. when he brought you medicine and stuff, maybe your sickness made you delirious and made you think he was being more affectionate and caring than he really was.
you felt nauseated. you recall all the times you threw a quick "i love you!" over your shoulder or while you clung to him. had he ever once said it back? ever? the room started spinning as you realized you couldn't think of a single time. he'd always deflected. gave you a classic "tch." rolled his eyes. messed up your hair. you dont think you'd ever even heard the word "love" from his lips.
had you just been deluding yourself all this time?
you couldn't take it anymore. sweating, you sprinted out before you could be spotted.
-
it's been two days since you overheard that conversation, and you'd been avoiding katsuki ever since. or rather, not quite avoiding completely, but there was an undeniable shift in your behavior. you stopped trying to cuddle with him. you stopped showing up to his dorm room to hangout. you especially stopped saying "i love you," even though it killed you every time.
katsuki hadn't shown much of a reaction to your change in behavior. he'd raise an eyebrow when your usual daily hugs disappeared or ask a gruff, "where were you?" when you didn't show up to your unofficial but completely established after school hangouts, but he had otherwise put up no protest.
you didn't know whether to be relieved or heartbroken.
on one hand, katsuki's kind of scary when he's confrontational. also, you don't know how you would be able to talk to him. "i overheard a conversation where you said you hate me but im madly in love with you and want to marry you and have your kids?" yeah right. you were sort of glad to be getting off easy.
but on the other hand, you were devastated. his apathy served as further confirmation that he meant every word he said. he really didn't mind that you were pulling back, and seemed perfectly content not being nearly as close as before.
you really had been deluding yourself. secretly, you had been hoping that he was just saying stuff in the heat of the moment and would actually be upset if you pulled back. because that would mean he cared. but he didn't give two shits about you. you really were just some stupid childhood habit he'd learned to tolerate.
you became less energetic as a person. not just with katsuki, but simply in general. your days seemed unbearably longer and darker without him. you had a hard time engaging and staying in the present, your mind wandering to katsuki again and again. it was pathetic, really. you two had never even dated. why were you so hung up about it? you two were just friends, and in fact, it seemed like he never even liked you in the first place. you were just stupidly hopeful and naive.
-
katsuki was dying.
two days. it had been two fucking days since you'd touched him or even just been remotely affectionate with him and he was going crazy. hell, he'd give the whole damn world even for just a smile at this point. he was desperate.
he didnt understand why you were being like this. it was like everything he knew about you had shifted, and he was just standing there, waiting for some kind of sign or something like an idiot.
katsuki had noticed the shift in your behavior immediately. of course he did. he knows you better than he knows himself, after all. at first, he thought you were just playing some dumb game or pulling some stunt to get his attention, but that wasn’t it. you waved instead of hugging. said a simple "bye" instead of "love you, bye bye!" it's not like you were completely avoiding him. you still talked. you still laughed. only now, it didn't quite reach your eyes.
and it was fucking killing him.
he hated that you were pulling back. he hated how off everything felt. he hated how fucking empty his dorm room felt when you weren't there to pester him. but most of all, he hated how he couldn’t even figure out what he'd done wrong. he couldn't think of any fights or reasons to be angry, but if that wasn't it, what was it? why were you suddenly just.. leaving?
he wanted to confront you. he wanted to pull you aside and demand to know where the fuck you went. but for the first time in his entire life, he didn't know how. because this wasn't like confronting stupid deku about his new powers. it wasn't about asking icyhot what his fuckin' deal was. it was you. his whole fucking world, even if he never said it out loud. he was nothing short of terrified to ask, because he feared it would drive you away even further, and he couldn't think of any alternate universe where he'd be able to handle that.
he found himself looking for excuses to be near you, to talk to you, to just be around you in any way possible. the last two days had been a torture of silence, of missed chances to sit next to you or casually reach out and tug you into his space like he used to. the times when he’d shove his arm around your shoulders or playfully mess with your hair, it had all stopped. he didn't feel like he could anymore. like he'd somehow lost the privilege. and now, all he was left with was this gnawing feeling in his gut that something was horribly wrong.
he had finally worked up the courage and tried asking you once, but you had shut him down with that all-too-familiar "nothing, just tired" bullshit and that damn closed-off look on your face that made him feel completely hollowed out.
he was desperate. he needed to feel you. needed to hear your bright laughter and see your stupid smile. it was so fucking stupid and sappy and so unlike him, but he couldn't even bring himself to care about that. he needed to cuddle with you until you fell asleep. have you curl up on his chest and get swallowed up by his much larger frame and watch you as your breathing quickly evened out from his touch. you could never stay awake long when cuddling with him. he found himself smiling at the thought.
he scowled. this is so fucking stupid. he thought to himself.
-
it all came to a bubbling point for him on friday. 5 whole days of "hi's" and a half-smile instead of "KATSUKIIIII's," and a running hug. he was losing his fucking mind.
usually, you convinced him to join the weekly 1a movie night by taking his hand and dragging him out of his room. he'd grumble about it, but he'd never refuse. he'd sit on the corner of the couch and you'd sit close to him before gradually inching closer, the night ending with you two cuddling. now, he willingly trudges to movie night of his own free will and sits in the same corner of the couch, but this time alone.
the room buzzed with quiet chatter and the flicker of the TV as the opening credits rolled and iida turned the lights off. it was some dumb romcom movie katsuki couldn't bring himself to care about in the slightest. you would definitely like it, though. kirishima passed around popcorn, sero argued with kaminari over which movie was the best, deku was doing his stupid nerd rambling as todoroki and hagakure gawked at him. and you? you sat on the other end of the couch.
not just away, but away from him.
the usual spot right beside katsuki, practically in his lap, head on his shoulder, knees draped over his thighs sat empty. you sat next to mina instead, curling into the armrest and pulling your legs up to your chest. you offered sweet smiles to everyone, laughed when something was funny, made conversation when prompted. but katsuki saw it. he saw you.
and he saw that you weren’t you.
he stared.
throughout the entire first half of the movie, he barely processed a single second of it. he kept looking over, waiting for you to glance at him, to shift closer, to give him a sign, anything, but you stayed curled in on yourself, legs angled away from him. he hated it. he hated how you looked like you were trying to make yourself smaller. like you were trying to disappear.
katsuki’s heart thundered. his leg bounced impatiently. his jaw was tight. he couldn’t take this shit anymore.
he stood up abruptly, catching your attention. he stalked straight over to you, jaw clenched and shoulders tense. he hovered over you, looking down and saying nothing.
you blinked up at him. "...what?"
his eyes were sharp and unreadable to most. but to you, who knew him better than he knew himself, you could see the anxiety and desperation swimming in his eyes.
no, no, no. remember, don't delude yourself. he doesn't like you, not even as a friend.
"are you okay..?"
"no." he snapped, his tone making you flinch. he softened at your reaction. "i just.. you've been.." he started, but his tone cracked, eyes flashing, and something in him snapped. "fuckin’ hell, just—"
he reached down and grabbed you.
gently, but with zero room for argument. strong arms slid under your knees and behind your back like it was the most natural thing in the world, and you barely had time to yelp before he was sitting down again, with you in his lap, pulled tight into his chest like you were his lifeline. (you are)
you froze, wide-eyed and stiff, but he just held you. his arms locked around you. he didn’t look at anyone else, didn’t give a shit about the stares or the knowing grins. he buried his face in your shoulder, muttering low and rough into your neck.
"i don't know what the fuck i did," he said. "but you don't get to just... take all that away. not from me."
you blinked, suddenly breathless.
he held you tighter. his voice cracked again, this time softer. "whatever i did, 'm sorry. i'll make it up t'ya, i swear. but don't just.." his voice trailed off. "dont stop loving me." he wanted to scream.
you felt your heart stutter, but you didn't say anything.
not at first, anyway.
because what is there to say when your heart is lodged in your throat and your body is caged in the arms of the person you swore you were going to get over?
you just sat there, crumpled in his lap like some lost puppy that finally found its way home again. your face is pressed into his shoulder, and you think if you speak, you’ll cry. so you don't. you just let yourself relax and melt into him.
he doesn’t say anything else either. his grip doesn’t loosen, not even a little. his fingers press into your back, not hard, just steady. grounding. enough to keep you pressed firmly against him. like he’s trying to convince himself you’re real.
the room’s still noisy with all the side conversations, but it's all background noise now with you two just in your little bubble away from the rest of the world. you feel safe and like you’re about to fall apart at the same time.
you shift a little in his lap and glance up at him.
“…you didn’t have to drag me across the room, you know,” you finally mutter, voice hoarse.
he scoffs, eyes flicking down to meet yours. “yeah, well. you weren’t comin’ on your own.”
you wrinkle your nose at him. “you could’ve asked.”
“whatever." he grumbles. "this is more efficient."
you snort. "the hell?"
he shrugs, completely unapologetic. “worked, didn’t it?”
you don’t answer. because yeah. it did.
instead, you rest your head back on his chest, and he immediately shifts to accommodate you. your legs drape over the couch, his arm hooked under your knees to keep you anchored, and his other hand settled at the base of your spine. he starts tracing slow, absentminded circles there, hand slipped under your hoodie to rub at the bare skin like nothing had ever changed. like you hadn’t just gone five whole days without touching him. like you hadn’t spent those five days trying to unravel every version of reality where he didn’t love you back.
you sit like that for a long time.
finally, he speaks up, his voice low.
"what did i do?" he asked, his voice oddly shy. "why'd ya stop.. you know..?"
your breath hitches. because you do know. but you don't know what to say or how to say it. "i thought you completely hated me" doesn't quite seem like an appropriate response.
"nothing," you settle with.
he gives you a look.
you sigh. you never could lie to katsuki. he's known you for too long and too well to fall for them.
"i just.. got insecure. overheard some conversation where you said i was, um, clingy and annoying." you murmur, your voice small. if katsuki wasn't pressed up against you and hanging on to your every word, he wouldn't have been able to catch it.
but he did.
and you swore you saw complete heartbreak in his eyes.
you let out a small gasp of surprise when he pulls you flush against him, arms tight around your body and face nuzzled deep into your neck. he holds you with such a gentle intensity you think you might cry. he holds you in a way that makes you feel loved and safe.
"'m sorry." he mumbles into your neck, voice watery. "didn't mean it. i was just.. mad that they were makin' fun of me. none of it was true. at all."
your breath hitches.
"you're.. so fuckin' special to me. i mean it. these last few days without you have been hell."
you think you might cry.
"been missin' your fuckin' smile and your damn laugh. and your stupid hugs that make me almost topple over."
you hold back a giggle.
"i love you."
the world stills.
you don’t move.
you don’t speak.
hell, you're scared to breathe.
your heart is beating so loud you’re worried he might hear it. your face is burning, your lungs feel tight, and your throat’s a warzone of words you can’t quite say.
he said it.
he said it.
and now he’s quiet. breathing you in. arms wrapped around you like you’re something precious. like he’s afraid you’ll vanish if he lets go.
you pull back just enough to look at him. your hand comes up to brush his bangs from his eyes, and your fingers linger at his temple, trailing down his cheek like you’re memorizing him.
his expression is soft in a way you rarely get to see. wide-eyed. hopeful. a little scared.
you offer him a tiny, quiet smile.
no teasing.
no trying to be brave or play it all off.
just soft. honest. the kind that only he gets to see.
you lift your hand and touch his face. not dramatic, not shaky, just steady. fingers brushing along his cheekbone, thumb ghosting over the edge of his jaw like you’re memorizing the shape of him again.
his eyes close for a second and you swear you see him leaning into it a little.
you say nothing.
you don’t need to.
because you’re here. because he’s holding you. because you’re not pulling away, and he's pulling you in.
you nuzzle your face into his neck, like it's right where you belong, and you breathe in.
he breathes in too.
slow. like the world’s stopped spinning for a second just so you can exist like this, tangled up in each other without saying anything. no talking about what's going on, no complications, just.. being.
you both don't notice how mina and kirishima are gossiping wildly about how you two are practically married and wondering how you still claim not to be dating. you don't notice the way that ochaco squeals after glancing over at your position, and you don't notice the way izuku looks fondly at you two with soft eyes. (he's been shipping the two of you since childhood)
you and katsuki are the only two people in the world who matter.
"i love you," you whisper as you feel yourself dozing off.
you think you feel his lips press gently against your forehead.
"i love you too."
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monsterfactoryfanfic · 11 months ago
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if I've learned anything from grad school it's to check your sources, and this has proven invaluable in the dozens of instances when I've had an MBA-type try to tell me something about finances or leadership. Case in point:
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Firefox serves me clickbaity articles through Pocket, which is fine because I like Firefox. But sometimes an article makes me curious. I'm pretty anal about my finances, and I wondered if this article was, as I suspected, total horseshit, or could potentially benefit me and help me get my spending under control. So let's check the article in question.
It mostly seems like common sense. "...track expenses and income for at least a month before setting a budget...How much money do I have or earn? How much do I want to save?" Basic shit like that. But then I get to this section:
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This sounds fucking made up to me. And thankfully, they've provided a source to their claim that "research has repeatedly shown" that writing things down changes behavior. First mistake. What research is this?
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Forbes, naturally, my #1 source for absolute dogshit fart-sniffing financial schlock. Forbes is the type of website that guy from high school who constantly posts on linkedin trawls daily for little articles like this that make him feel better about refusing to pay for a decent package for his employees' healthcare (I'm from the United States, a barbaric, conflict-ridden country in the throes of civil unrest, so obsessed with violence that its warlords prioritize weapons over universal medical coverage. I digress). Forbes constantly posts shit like this, and I constantly spend my time at leadership seminars debunking poor consultants who get paid to read these claims credulously. Look at this highlighted text. Does it make sense to you that simply writing your financial goals down would result in a 10x increase in your income? Because if it does, let me make you an offer on this sick ass bridge.
Thankfully, Forbes also makes the mistake of citing their sources. Let's check to see where this hyperlink goes:
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SidSavara. I've never heard of this site, but the About section tells me that Sid is "a technology leader who empowers teams to grow into their best selves. He is a life-long learner enjoys developing software, leading teams in delivering mission critical projects, playing guitar and watching football and basketball."
That doesn't mean anything. What are his LinkedIn credentials? With the caveat that anyone can lie on Linkedin, Mr. Savara appears to be a Software Engineer. Which is fine! I'm glad software engineers exist! But Sid's got nothing in his professional history which suggests he knows shit about finance. So I'm already pretty skeptical of his website, which is increasingly looking like a personal fart-huffing blog.
The article itself repeats the credulous claim made in the Forbes story earlier, but this time, provides no link for the 3% story. Mr. Savara is smarter than his colleages at Forbes, it's much wiser to just make shit up.
HOWEVER. I am not the first person to have followed this rabbit hole. Because at the very top of this article, there is a disclaimer.
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Uh oh!
Sid's been called out before, and in the follow up to this article, he reveals the truth.
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You can guess where this is going.
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So to go back to the VERY beginning of this post, both Pocket/Good Housekeeping and Forbes failed to do even the most basic of research, taking the wild claim that writing down your budget may increase your income by 10x on good faith and the word of a(n admittedly honest about his shortcomings) software engineer.
Why did I spend 30 minutes to make a tumblr post about this? Mostly to show off how smart I am, but also to remind folks of just how flimsy any claim on the internet can be. Click those links, follow those sources, and when the sources stop linking, ask why.
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fellshish · 5 months ago
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The different and sometimes tiring types of reactions to the neil gaiman allegations
- ‘neil didn’t write good omens’ (he did and we simply have to learn to separate art from artist)
- ‘how dare you think about anything else but the victims’ (people can care about multiple things at once + these allegations have been known for months and months?? some of us have processed this)
- ‘how do david/michael/etc feel about this’ (it’s none of our business)
- ‘donate to victims of sa’ (sure if you can)
- ‘bdsm is fine WITH consent’ (it is)
- ‘everyone is innocent until proven guilty and i refuse to condemn him’ (go read the article / enjoy being blocked by me)
- ‘his writing was always Problematic’ (learn to separate art from real life victims of sexual abuse please)
- ‘his writing can still mean a lot to you without you being a bad person’ (yes. just try to avoid giving him money maybe)
- ‘it’s just terf propaganda’ (it really really isn’t. and fuck terfs)
- ‘reminder to prioritise your own mental health, step away from online spaces if you need to, and: you have no obligation to read the entire article if it’s too triggering’ (true. you’re still a good person i promise)
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