#lib recap

[darcyolsson]

in loving memory of tumblr's april fools' pranks 💐 2014 - 2024

icymi, tumblr used to do an elaborate april fool's prank every year, but this year they suddenly stopped. here's a somewhat detailed recap of everything they did over the decade:

2013 - mishapocalypse (honourable mention): tumblr staff didn’t start doing april fools until 2014, but the mishapocalypse happened on tumblr in 2013 and i feel like this list would be incomplete without it

2014 - tumblrpro: upon opening your dash you were greeted by an “inspirational” video, that ended with the option to get “tumblrpro (for free)”. all it did was put a top hat on your icon.

2015 - tumblr executivesuite/coppy: a copying machine appeared in the corner of your dash. it would offer tips on how to use tumblr, like clippy the paperclip used to do in microsoft word. as the day went on, it slowly broke down and died right in front of your eyes. many people hated him (but not me). you could also make a (small) spreadsheet. @executivesuite2016 is the official blog.

2016 - this is decision/lizard election/tumblrdecides: a parody of the 2016 US elections. there were 4 lizards (well, one of them turned out to be a salamander in a scandal) to vote for. the dash looked different and there was a live news report with election updates, as well as an election blog for each lizard. they all had their own slogans and you would get an "i voted" button after you voted that would get slapped next to your icon. there were built-in functions to make an election poster for your favourite lizard and to create a text post that supported your lizard of choice that autogenerated a statement for all your followers to read. imo tumblr’s april fools peak. @thisisdecision2016-blog is the official blog, @mop-2016-blog @wretchedtooth @timefordeborah-blog were candidates. rick also had a blog (rick-official) but that now seems to have vanished because he ended up dropping out of the election. mop won, if you're curious. by far the most elaborate prank tumblr ever did.

2017 - horse friend: a tamagotchi-inspired game where you had to take care of a little horse in the corner of your screen. it came with a randomly generated name, and you had to feed and clean up after it. if you didnt take good care of it, it died. you could then hatch (yes, hatch) a new one. there was also an option to look at the names of all your dead horses. this is now available to buy in the tumblr shop. @horse-friends is the official blog.

2018 - tumblcoin: a parody of cryptocurrency (this was the year bitcoin took off). you could ‘invest’ in tumblcoin, with which you could in turn buy things with to spice up your dash, including last year’s horse friend, coppy from 2015, and a frame for around your icon. you could share the amount of tumblcoin you owned in an automatically generated gif post which would be tagged #tbc2018 and #tumblcoin. @tumblcoin is the official blog.

2019 - @memories: this blog still functions the way it did on april fools itself! it's like mad libs, where it takes post templates and then adds in tags you use a lot and users you frequently interact with on your main blog. like a personalized shitpost bot.

2020 - group chat prank/@storybot: it was so hard to find info on this because it was contained entirely in the now-defunct group chat function, which no one used. i had to go through the notes of this post for information because no one cared enough to actually write anything explaining it. turns out, you could write a story with your mutuals by adding storybot to your group chat. it also kept working after april fools (well, up until the group chats were deleted) just like memories. many people missed out on it entirely because they did not use the group chat function.

2021 - tumblcryptids: tumblr allowed you to adopt “non-fungible tumblcryptids”, a parody of NFTs. clicking a button that said "Summon thy Tumblrcryptid" would spawn an image of a little blob-shaped creature with a short description, which would always read "Hi! My name is [randomly generated name]. I love [thing most people like]. I hate [thing most people dislike]. Like my parent, I can't get enough of #[tag from your main blog]." you could share them in a post, which would automatically add the tag #NFTumblcryptids to your post. and yes, people on the piss on the poor website freaked out about it because they thought they were real NFTs harming the environment. @tumblcryptidadoptioncenter is the official blog.

2022 - click-a-thon: when you clicked a light switch on your dashboard, a bunch of colourful things showed up, like a sponge you could move around, an "engagament meter", clickable buttons, and a “Summon Crab!” button, which would summon a crab when you clicked it. you could. the crabs, like horse friend, are still available in the tumblr store as of 2025. here's some screenshots. there were various ways to share your crab activities, which would all get tagged #april fools 2022. the prank was presented as a marketing technique created by Brick Whartley, a fictional businessman character created by tumblr, who (afaik) originated in a post on the official blog of the 2018 april fools prank, albeit originally in a different role. around this time he also started functioning as the mascot for tumblr's shop ( @emporium )

2023 - abstract reactions (emoji reacts): buttons were added to every post that allowed you to add emoji reactions, many of them based on tumblr inside jokes (horse as a reference to horse plinko/horse friend, vanilla for the vanilla extract meme, pikaman, bug for bug race, and brick whartley, who wasn't a meme but staff really wanted him to be). if one specific emoji was used a certain amount of times it would add an effect to the post, eg many cheese emoji reacts would cover the post in cheese. this was also attributed to Brick Whartley ("his" blog @brickwhartley also documented the day)

2024 - boop-o-meter: allowed you to “boop” other users who had opted in to the booping, like facebook’s poke feature back in the day. depending on how long you held the button, you would either boop, super boop, or evil boop. on the dashboard there was a counter for both how many times you had booped others and how many times others had booped you, as well as how many boops were given side-wide. when booping someone, an image of a cat paw appeared. you would get badges (which can still be used) for booping 1, 100 and 1000 times. if you gave/received more than 999 boops, the counter would switch to showing a three-letter word (see this post for specifics). this was brought back for halloween 2024 (as BOOp-o-meter. get it), with a ghost, skeleton and mummy paw. no official blog, but here's an official recap for april first from staff. i believe this was the only april fools prank that was mobile user friendly.

2025 - @fandom is running some polls, i guess

[rockrosethistle]

Explaining All The Hatchetfield Lore:

(disclaimer: all lot of this is based on context clues and expositional monologues, so it is my best guess and could be wrong. But I'm pretty sure it's right.)

We start in the 1820's, on an island in Lake Michigan. Now, there's three main families you need to know about here, and those are Muckwabs, the Metzgers, and the Waylons. Remember those because they're important.

So around 1824, Willabella Muckwab discovers the eldritch entities known as the Lords in Black (LiB). She becomes a devoted follower of them, and writes a book out of children's blood, which details their history, how to summon them, spells, prophecies, etc. This book is called the Abominable Tome, but it is most often referred to as the Black Book.

Well maybe the town doesn't like the fact that their children are disappearing, or maybe they discover the book, we don't know exactly what happened. But Willabella Muckwab is tried as a witch and hung. This doesn't kill off the Muckwab family, however, because Willabella had a daughter. That will be important later.

So basically, Willabella is hung by the Metzger family (remember them?) who are often referred to as the Hatchetmen. She is buried in the woods, the black book is lost, but her soul lives on, because of her connection to the Lords in Black. Well this isn't good, so the Hatchetmen begin killing anyone else who shows signs of having magic, burying them around the woods so they can grow into trees, their magic trapping Willabella in a 'web.' All of these magic tree-people form a forest, which is called the Witchwood. The Witchwood has special properties, because of all the magic. It affects the soil and the way things grow, but most importantly, it traps Willabella, who's is known as The Witch in The Web.

Jump ahead to 1827, it's been a couple years since Willabella's death, and that island is now known as the town of Hatchetfield. That's when the the Waylons show up (remember them?) Well, the Agatha and Mathias Waylon find the Black Book, rediscovering the Lords In Black. And isn't this just a super cool religion? Let's get everyone else involved! The Waylon's form a cult, called the Church of The Starry Children, who worship the LiB. They have a ton of people on board, and with the LiB, they offer sacrifices get rich and stay forever young. The Waylon family also sets up 5 Dark Altars around town, which coincides to the 5 Lords in Black. These altars are the Old School House, Waylon hall, the Old Mill, the Hatchetfield Gazette, and the Starlight Theater. All of these are places where somebody could summon the Lords in Black, with very little knowledge or power.

So the Church of The Starry Children has been doing very well for quite a while. In 1945, they begin the Honey Queen festival, a tradition where they elect one woman per year to sacrifice to the Lord in Black, Nibblenephim. They're very good at hiding in plain sight. However, they can't stay hidden forever. In 1975, they are meeting in Waylon Hall, when they are ambushed by the Metzgers, also known as the Hatchetmen. The Hatchetmen massacre the Starry Children, and once again, the Black Book is lost.

I hope you're enjoying this lore because it's only just getting interesting. That was all pretty straight foreword, and people generally don't argue about it. So for a recap, we have Willabella who wrote basically an evil bible for the Lords in Black, and who was murdered by the Hatchetmen. Then you have the Church of the Starry children, who worshipped the Lords in Black, also murdered by the Hatchetmen. Those are our three families. What if I told you that after all this happened, three other characters were up to some wacky hijinks? This is where things get muddy.

Now introducing our three new parties of interest: Willabella's daughter, the PEIP organization, and a mysterious woman only known as Miss Holloway. Here's what's up with those guys.

Miss Holloway was a pop star, rising to fame in the 1980's. We don't know a lot about her backstory, but it is assumed that she witnessed a tragedy, because she sought the help of the Lords in Black. They made her a deal that would allow her to have the power to help those in need, but in return, she would have to give up what she cherished most. (We don't know if those were the exact terms of the deal, but it seems to be the standard deal when it comes to the Lords in Black, so we go with that.) So Miss Holloway takes the deal. She gives up the ability to be remembered: no one knows who she is, and anytime she tries to tell anybody her story, it is immediately erased from their memory. In return, the Lords in Black make her the keeper of the Black Book, as well as magic such as hypnosis, and the ability to regenerate her body. She is able to die, but she always comes back. There is only one thing that can kill her, and that is a dagger known as the Black Blade, which she used to kill a man who made a similar deal, named Wilbur Cross.

But who is Wilbur Cross? To explain that, we have to explain Paranormal, Extraterrestrial, Inter-dimensional Phenomena, or the government agency known as PEIP. Wilbur Cross was an army Colonel, and very high-ranking in PEIP. In 2005, PEIP constructed an inter-dimensional portal to a place outside of time and space known as the Black and White. They didn't know that the B&W was home to the Lords in Black. On October 5, 2005, they sent Wilbur Cross through that portal, where he encountered the Lords in Black and pledged his allegiance to them. He was also gifted powers and immortality, but to serve the Lords in Black, which meant that he used it for evil. He stepped back out of the portal, appearing to the remaking PEIP agents, before disappearing to Hatchetfield, where he murdered Sheriff Douglas Keane.

Remember Willabella's daughter? Well, she had a daughter, who had a daughter, etc. The family tree continued until October 5, 2005, when a couple of things happened simultaneously. The portal was opened to the Black and White at the same time Hannah Foster, the descendant of Willabella Muckwab, was born. This caused a few events to occur, most notably that the timeline was shattered. Until that point, there was only one universe, but on that day, when Hannah was born and Wilbur stepped through the portal, infinite universes were created, branching off from that moment.

As a descendant of Willabella Muckwab, Hannah (as well as her older sister, Lex) was born with powers, also known as "the Gift." Her powers gave her a close connection to the Black and White, and even more so to Webby, who is not a Lord in Black, but is their sister. Webby is a spider-like goddess who embodies light and love, the antithesis of the Lords in Black. She is in a constant feud with them to gain control of the many realities, and to protect Hannah from her brothers and their minions, such as Wilbur Cross.

Now, Hannah's powers were stronger than anybody else's. She is clearly the strongest out of all the other children with a touch of the gift, and has been able to speak with Webby since she was young. I believe that this is a result of her being born at the moment that the divide between reality and The Black And White was weakest. Hannah is basically a cosmic trump card. Whoever controls Hannah controls the universe, so Webby and the Lords in Black are in a constant battle over her. The LiB want her dead, and Webby wants her alive, so that could mean that her power could be the thing to reconnect all the realities.

In present day, we have a couple of things playing out at once. Everybody's still in a competition over Hannah, with Lex determined to protect her. Miss Holloway uses her powers to help children, alongside Duke Keane, who she is falling in love with, and whose father was murdered by Wilbur Cross. Wilbur Cross does Wiggly's bidding. Some members or the Church of the Starry Children live on, those descended from or related to (by blood or marriage) the original members, and still indulge in the LiB's power and riches. Waylon Hall is cursed so that nothing may truly die there. As the Witchwood is cut down, little by little, its hold on Willabella weakens. And the Black Altars still remain, where anyone with the Black Book may summon the Lords in Black. In realities where Miss Holloway is murdered, the Black Book is kept safe by Solomon Lauter, mayor of Hatchetfield. Also, the Lords in a lack seem to have favourite humans to torture across multiple realities. The Spankoffski family is often a target of T'noy Karaxis, as an example.

So yup, that's where we're at. That's the baseline understanding of events that we as a fandom all seem to have, yet don't write down because that a lot of writing. Good thing I like writing!

Oh, and there's one thing I missed. We hate Clivesdale. Fuck Clivesdale.

[sangsaracycling]

to recap that election: the conservative party of canada made gains in both popular vote and also number of ridings. the liberal party of canada, after very low support, ran an economist and a guy who is generally on the more conservative end of registered liberals. they then won, with minority, in the aftermath of the americans threatening canadian sovereignty and tariffing us to hell -- to be clear, despite the aforementioned conservative party being full of guys who align themselves with the current american administration, this actually only made a small dent in conservative support, with much of the liberal support instead being from voters of more left-leaning third parties such as the new democrats, greens, and the bloc quebecois. a lot of generally popular incumbents of these three parties lost their seats. the number of non-con non-lib members of parliament is currently negligible and our electoral map looks like that of the americans but with inverted colours.

and we're supposed to be happy about this. apparently.

[just-your-average-author]

TIT RECAP/THOUGHTS

SPOILERS OBV

Okay so firstly the open PSA that Dan wrote about "no photos or videos if you do, I will sue your ass to the ground" and "no flash photography do you want Phil to fall off the stage...again?!?!?" killed me. it was so cute

preshow playlist, stunning, beautiful all around bops.

the sudden cut off of the music and lights to signal the show started, genuinely shocked and I was SAT let me tell you.

THEY CAME OUT AND THEY WERE REAL?!? NOT A SIMULATION?? listen I still can't get over that, I can't believe they were real people who look and sound exactly like they do on my tv at home!! I was so focused on them and soaking every moment in, I couldn't handle it

have I mentioned how attractive they are?!?!?

okay also literally Phil straight up STOPPED THE SHOW BECAUSE HE HAD TO SNEEZE AND DAN JUST STARED AND WAS LIKE PHIL WTF and I loved every second I was like yes this is straight up what they do in videos, let's have our little squirrel moment babes.

plus it made it feel even more silly and improv, overall I know obv they scripted a lot but it was sooo interactive and they ad libbed so much and I adored it

the dollhouse recap i swear wtf. first off, it was such a creative and fun idea and the different sets, and dressed up dolls that the clothes matched!! also okay I'm so sorry I had no idea the random sex positions would be a theme of the show so I was gobsmacked, but the 69ing during pinof??? "so we did what 2 closeted twinks did upon meeting each other for the first time.... put sharpie's cat whiskers on!!!" shut up for the love.

I genuinely loved the role model or no-el model segment. my show was in NC so they first option for Dan as the Mr. Lawyer was he bans ___ and someone said south carolina and they both just were rendered speechless and were like damn oh dear but laughing too.

The boxing match was so hot dear heavens, Dan's expression when Phil came out in the fake- *cough* I mean very real abs. He was acting for his LIFE.

the confessions were so good, just wish it lasted a little longer. the yapping was good and also idk if this was standardized but the whole thing where Phil said "I have a cute but also sociopathic thing going on and I think it's working for me 😌" like shut up you're so adorable

omg the quick change where they kept their mics on and narrated so many innuendos I was dying omg so silly and so funny I loved it. I was really impressed with how fast they changed, but also talked the whole time.

I loved every single solitary part of this show and I loved how they joked about how they were sorry we all went to school with whiskers then got out in the trash (cause yeah basically) and how they literally did raise us and should be blamed for us being feral not our actual legal guardians.

okay so. this show 9/10. here's where the last 1 point went.

please don't kill me, but I wasn't a fan of the song. I'm not entirely sure what it was, but the whole show was so raw and perfect and then the song was just really synthetic and overly autotuned where I personally didn't even hear their voices. like I couldn't tell who was singing which part. the ukulele part was cute, and I really hoped that would've been all of it, I guess the internet is here and interactive introverts and everything's fine just was so good you couldn't raise the bar again, but that was just my personal opinion, I know a lot of people loved the song and it was catchy and cute, I'm just not personally a fan of kpop/synthesized music so I was a little disappointed in the song but the dancing slapped so hard.

Dan flawlessly executing every move and strut and making eye contact with us while Phil very intentionally was focused on not tripping or walking off the stage and looking at Dan a few times to check if he was doing it right MY HEART.

cuties, gay, both of them, love them

overall I spent last night frantically calculating if I could afford to spontaneously go see the Nashville show as well and spend another 10 hours in the car today but regretfully thought against it.

[catch-me-hello]

Stray Kids, Episode 10 (FINALE):  from the start, it’s been all ours

Finale time!  Our Stray Kids are nine again, and they’re about to face the fans in a live broadcast to determine their fate.  The fact that we already know their fate doesn’t matter.  I’m still excited.  Let’s go!

We’re onstage at the CJ E&M Ilsan Studio in Seoul, the same stage we saw in the later episodes of No Mercy.  We have a very intense-looking host, staring down the camera like he’s challenging us to a fight.  This is famous Korean broadcaster Kim Il Joong.  And he is PUMPED.

He introduces JYP, who is seated at his own desk behind the crowd.  Are cans of Sugar-Free Coke strategically placed on his desk?  You bet your YaYaYas they are!  There’s enough caffeine on his desk to keep our announcer bellowing at us for the next 90 minutes.  LET’S DO THIS.

Only seven members are being introduced right now.  Felix and Lee Know will have to wait.  The seven walk onto the stage, and the cheers and screams are deafening.  This is a huge audience.

The boys introduce themselves, and our host asks the usual questions – how do they feel, are they excited, etc.  I will hand it to Kim Il Joong.  He’s a confident host.  In almost every finale recap I’ve done, the hosts are rattled to be doing a live show.  They give us long, awkward pauses and nervous ad-libs.  But Kim Il Joong owns this stage.

It also helps that this finale is only 90 minutes long and not the four-hour slog we’ve been getting from survival shows lately.  We also won’t be getting long, drawn-out reveals of the winners, since we already know who our group is.  We just need to know if we’re getting seven or nine members.  This is a huge relief.  My last finale recap was Debut’s Plan, and my legs kept falling asleep.

Bang Chan chats with the host, and I can’t imagine what’s going through his mind right now.  When it’s I.N’s turn to speak, the audience screams get loud again.  Our maknae remains a fan favorite to this day.

After the group does their individual introductions, JYP takes the mic.  I can’t really focus on what he’s saying, because all I can think about is that the Cola-Cola people are geniuses.  The entire set is black and everyone is wearing black, so those bright red Coke cans really stand out.  Well played, Coke.  You got Mnet to color-coordinate their entire set with your product.

Back to our host.  He asks the crowd, “Do you want seven members?”  I fully expect the room to go silent.  But no.  The crowd cheers.  Then he asks if they want nine members.  The crowd cheers.  This is just like the concert mission.  He could ask them if they want to debut a ham and swiss on rye, and they’d cheer.  I feel like I’m watching an episode of Black Mirror.  Voting is now open, so the fans can text either “7” or “9” to Mnet.

While the fans decide, we watch a montage of all the top moments from the show.  The showcase against 2TEAM.  The Hellevator music video.  The battle with YG.  I’ve really enjoyed this series.  It’s been fast-paced and well edited.  I wish survival reality shows were still like this.

The seven group members get into formation on the stage to perform “YAYAYA.”  They’ve been struggling to put this choreo together after Felix was eliminated.  Let’s see how it turns out.

With the dark stage and strobe lighting, it’s really hard to get clear screenshots.  Interestingly, I don’t see them attempt the dance move that made Felix almost fall.  JYP doesn’t address it.  He doesn’t seem blown away by the performance, but he tells them they did well.  I have a hunch he’s already decided he wants the nine-member group and is saving his enthusiasm for that performance.

We get a flashback to the writing and recording of “Young Wings,” and now, our still-seven group will perform it onstage.

I like this song a lot.  It’s a break from the dark edginess of their usual songs and gives us something that soars.  I look forward to hearing the version that includes our two missing group members.

Kim Il Joong is still killing it as the host, by the way.  He has great chemistry with the audience and is only occasionally glancing at his notecards.  I’ve seen finale hosts on other shows with their eyes glued to the notecards like they’re reading ransom demands.

JYP is more enthusiastic about this performance and singles out Seungmin for praise.  He also tells Hyunjin that his rapping has greatly improved.  Hyunjin has finally overcome his enunciation problem. 

Finally, our host mentions Felix and Lee Know.  We get a flashback of their eliminations, because reliving past trauma is always fun.  Now it’s time to find out what they’ve been up to since they were eliminated.

We start with Lee Know, who’s been reporting to the practice rooms every day and working hard.  He hasn’t taken a single day off since he was cut from the group.  He’s been working with a vocal coach, focusing mostly on singing, wanting to show improvement to JYP.

Now for Felix.  He’s been studying Korean nonstop and drinking Coke with the label facing camera.  He hasn’t been gone from the group that long, so I don’t know how much better he could get, but he’s been studying with teachers and practicing on his own.  When he’s asked in a confessional if he’s improved, he admits he’s still lacking.  I studied Spanish for several years and still struggle with it.  I can’t imagine the pressure he’s under.

We now return to the live broadcast.  Felix and Lee Know join the rest of the group, and the crowd goes wild.  They’re pretty much always going wild, so I don’t know if it’s because of our returning bandmates or if they just got a text saying Lotte World Mall is having a sale, but whatever makes them happy is fine with me.

Our host talks with our new arrivals and tells us that Felix’s pronunciation is more clear.  Now it’s time for our full team of nine to perform “Hellevator.”

This performance has much better energy with all nine of them, and the stage doesn’t feel as empty.  As I predicted, JYP is more enthusiastic with his feedback.

Now our host tells us we’re going to see how the voting is going so far.  It’s 96% in favor of the 9-member group.  Our Stray Kids look happy, but all I can think is that four percent actually voted to kick Felix and Lee Know back to the curb.  I need to speak to those people.  I demand to know their reasons.  I’m not joking.  I know this show aired several years ago.  Those people still owe me an explanation.

Mnet could pretty much end the show right now.  But ever the buzzkill, JYP takes the mic and says there are pros and cons to a nine-member group, and the final decision is still his.  He has to be just creating drama.  If he decides to go against the 96 percent, he’s going to find the JYP building burned to the ground.

Next up, a montage of behind-the-scenes clips of the show.  It’s a lot of fun, goofy stuff, but I’m ready to get to the end of this and see the announcement of the final group.

Another performance.  This is “School Life.”

The choreo has gotten wilder since we last saw it.  It’s fun, and the crowd loves it, but I’m glad the performances are over.  No, wait.  We now see video footage showing that the boys have written yet another song to perform at this finale.  Okay, Mnet definitely could have cut a good half hour off this episode. 

The song is about anger.  It’s called “Law of Total Grrr.”  They perform it, it’s great.  It sounds like metal-inspired hip-hop.  Felix raps in his deep voice.  The dancing is wildly aggressive.  When they finish, they are gasping for breath and drenched in sweat.

JYP really likes the song and compliments them on their writing and production.  He does tell Lee Know and Felix that they aren’t performing up to their full potential, but I still think he’s trying to create suspense about his final decision.

The performances should be done.  Now Kim Il Joong has a surprise for us.  It’s a special guest.  It’s Jun K from 2pm.  Okay, I like 2pm, but what is he doing here?

Turns out he’s here to perform a song for us.  Right.  But why?

He sings his song and leaves.  I sit blinking at the screen.  Back in the Wild Idol finale, Kim Jong Wan from the group Nell performed, but he was one of the coaches and judges and had written a song specifically for the finalists.  I know Jun K was one of the mystery listeners at the busking mission, but that doesn’t explain … you know what?  Never mind.  We’re almost at the end.

The audience members are waving little banners with their favorite Stray Kid on them, and I have to wonder if Felix had any say on this one.  Seriously, was this the best picture they could find of him?

Oh wait, Jun K’s still here.  He greets the audience.  Our host tells  him that because he was a mystery listener, he must feel like he has a special relationship with Stray Kids.  I actually snorted with laugher.  It was Jun K’s feedback after that concert that led to Felix being eliminated.  That is one hell of a special relationship.  Is Jun K the one who picked out that picture of Felix for the banner, too?

Now Jun K leaves to go backstab some other group, and our host announces the end of voting.  We are about to hear the final results.  But of course, we have to drag this out.  The group members express their thanks to JYP and ask him to please vote for nine members.  JYP’s expression is unreadable.

While we’re waiting for the voting results, I want to give a huge shout-out to Kim Il Joong for being the best finale host ever.  He should be required by law to host all K-pop survival show finales.  The Boys Planet finale would have been over in half the time.  This man runs a tight ship.

Seriously.  This guy RULES.

Okay, now for the final voting results.  It remains 96% to 4% in favor of the full nine.  That four percent should have been given a comments section to explain themselves.

Now it’s time for JYP to announce his decision.  But first, we have to make Lee Know and Felix stand on their own platform in the middle of the stage like they’re on trial for witchcraft.

I can’t believe they have to stand there after everything they’ve already been through on this show.  I’m a little worried about Lee Know.  He looks like he might pass out.

JYP starts off by making it sound like he’s decided on seven.  He says he understands the voters’ point of view, implying that he’s not going to go along with them.  His voice even sounds regretful.  He then starts telling us about his pet dogs.  Settle in folks.  This may take a while.

He says that no matter how well he trains his dogs, they still sometimes poop in the house.  Great.  We’re at a glamorous K-pop finale, and now everyone is picturing dog poop.  JYP must be fun at dinner parties.

He finally says, “Congratulations.  Stray Kids will be nine members.” I can’t get screenshots of the group’s immediate reactions because the strobe lights are going insane.  But everyone is hugging and crying, and the audience is losing its mind. 

Our group members stammer out words of thanks to everyone.  We get a touching moment when Bang Chan thanks the other members for coming along with him on this project.  They really did take a leap of faith.

JYP gives another long explanation about why he made his decision, but I think we’re done here.

This finale aired almost eight years ago.  Over these past eight years, Stray Kids have sold over 31 million albums and endorsed everything from clothing to cosmetics to electronics to Minute Maid drinks.  (Coca-Cola owns Minute Maid.)  Tommy Hilfiger dressed them for the Met Gala in 2024.  They are known as the Donation Idol Group for their charitable causes.  They’ve toured the world four times.

And Bang Chan dropped Felix’s egg.  That’s still my favorite of their YouTube clips.

Until the next recap project, cheerio, mates!

[clonerightsagenda]

To recap, for a while now on this blog I've been talking about a trend of "are we the baddies" SFF stories where the main characters are agents of empire and realize maybe they shouldn't be, with most of the focus being on their emotional journeys. After some back and forth I speculated that maybe this story pops up in times where a nation's narrative and identity is feeling particularly unstable and hypothesized that if so, we'd expect to see an uptick in American SFF after the Vietnam War. So, I've been going through Wikipedia lists of SFF novels published in the late 70s. So far... I've found a couple possibilities that need further investigation, but the biggest trends have been Star Trek novels (unsurprising), swords & planets series, and psychic powers. While the Cold War has only come up directly a few times, I am seeing that cultural anxiety in a boom of post-apocalyptic novels, as well as some clear anxieties regarding women's lib.

I want to go through a few more years worth of novels before I stop and dig into the few potential candidates I found. I've got an engagement I need to go to, but for now let me leave you with the weirdest novel summary I've found so far.

[tobiasdrake]

Digimon Adventure 01x33 - Pump and Gotsu are Shibuya-Type Digimon / Out on the Town

Previously on Digimon Adventure: In the middle of a blistering summer day, DeathMeramon showed up to make things even hotter. Internet contrarianism at its finest. Bet he's also one of those clowns who retools their truck to produce more emissions and trigger Libs. Fortunately, the youth of the nation turned out and voted to throw him off a building so it's all good.

Now we turn our attention to another pair of kids. The recap offers a bit of extra information to set the stage for what's happening.

(Oh fuck me, it's this one. I am not ready. I am not ready.)

Narrator: On the night of the same day they fought DeathMeramon, Yamato escorted his younger brother Takeru to their mother's place and they headed in the direction of Shibuya.

Thit bit of setup doesn't make it into the dub's recap, which simply tells us what happened in the previous episode as usual.

As the episode begins, a CGI readout informs us of the date: It's August 2nd, 1999. The children still have about a month left in their summer vacation.

To put our current location into perspective, here's some of those familiar map markers from last episode. Black circle is Vamdemon's lair at Daiba Park. Green is Shibaura. Blue is Tokyo Tower. We are now one city over from Minato City in Shibuya.

Shibuya is well-known for being, as they say, hip with the youngsters. Imagine if a stereotypical American shopping mall in the 90's with all its associated teenage memes was a city. That's Shibuya. It's like the capitol of youth fashion trends in Tokyo.

So these two Digimon roll up on the roof of a car.

Pumpmon: (excited) This place is even famous in the Digimon World: Shibuya!

The narrator wastes no time going into their rundowns.

Pumpmon is a Perfect-stage Data-type Puppet Digimon. Did you guess Nightmare Soldier? Because he's a Nightmare Soldier. He's kind of a catch-all. Any Nightmare Soldier can evolve into Pumpmon as a Jogress Evolution but no Nightmare Soldier directly evolves into him.

His name is, unsurprisingly, derived from "pumpkin" for his pumpkin head.

Narrator: Pumpmon. A stuffed doll with a pumpkin for a head. His scary but cute appearance is popular with girls. Tonight, he plans to run wild in Shibuya as if it were Halloween. His special attack is Trick-or-Treat.

That little guy next to him is Gotsumon, a Child-stage Data-type Ore Digimon. Gotsumon is a Nature Spirit and the mid-tier evolution for Mochimon. He evolves into a few Digimon you may recognize such as the Monochromon from File Island, Gekomon, and in the 0.5 update, Tailmon - though Tailmon would later receive a more official pre-evolution.

Gotsumon: These are Shibuya-type humans! Narrator: Gotsumon. His body is tough, but he's a cheerful and playfully naughty Digimon. He goes with the flow and was made for Shibuya! He plans to rock out tonight! His special move is Angry Rock. Pumpmon: Something exciting is about to happen! Gotsumon: Let's have fun! Ahahahaha!

Gotsumon and Pumpmon bound off the car roof and disappear into the city.

The dub adds some silence-breaking dialogue to their intro. It also somehow thinks those two are driving the car even though they're clearly on the roof of it.

Gotsumon: Let me drive! You're going the wrong way. Pumpkinmon: How do you know which way to go? You've never been in the real world before. Gotsumon: What's the difference? I've never driven a car before either! Pumpkinmon: Well, it's my first time too! Both: Ahahahahaha!!! Pumpkinmon: Whoa, check 'em out! Uh-huhuhuh Uhuhuhuhuh! Gotsumon: Ew! Pumpkinmon: So these are city people in the real world. They don't look like much fun. Gotsumon: (rundown) Well, Pumpkinmon? You're the right guy to teach them what 'fun' really is. You are, without a doubt, the most rockin' creature to ever have a pumpkin for a head. Remember: Chicks dig evil Digimon. Gotsumon: At least that's what I keep telling myself, anyway. Pumpkinmon: (rundown) Gotsumon, you are the mon! We're going to have such a blast here in the real world; They might even name a building after you: The Gotsumonument, where they keep all the party supplies. Pumpkinmon: 3... 2... 1... LET'S GO!!!

Dub Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon are weirdly judgmental about the Shibuya people's party qualities. Though I will say: "Chicks dig evil Digimon" is a surprisingly pragmatic adaptation of Pumpmon having a "scary but cute appearance that's popular with girls." That's not what they said, but... it's not not what they said either.

While Pumpmon and Gotsumon disappear into Shibuya, we join Yamato and Takeru on their way to say goodbye to one another. The brothers sit in silence while the music of Yamato's harmonica plays in the background.

From the luggage rack, Tsunomon and Patamon discuss their situation for the audience's benefit.

Tsunomon: Yamato and Takeru's parents divorced four years ago. Patamon: So even though they're brothers, Yamato lives with his dad and Takeru lives with his mom, right?

Now that we've laid down that reminder, Takeru checks the time on his Digivice. It's 7:07 PM.

Takeru: It's late. Onii-chan, you should get off at the next stop. Yamato: No. I'm taking you all the way to Sangenjaya. Takeru: It's okay-- Yamato: (firmly) Takeru. Takeru: What? Yamato: Let me do this. Takeru: Okay.

Rip my heart in half, and the episode's only just started.

The purple circle on the map is Sangenjaya. As you can see, it's a bit of a trip from the red circle Odaiba. Depending on your timing, it's about an hour to an hour and a half one-way by train. Takeru's worried because Yamato isn't going to get home until like 9. Which is pretty late for an 11-year-old.

We're about to come up on Shibuya Station, which means another 20 minutes to Sangenjaya. For Yamato, that's another 40 minutes added to the length of his round-trip if he goes all the way.

The dub adds a silence-breaker to this scene that completely kills the tone of the boys sitting in awkward, strained silence.

T.K.: How much longer, Matt!? Matt: Relax, T.K. You're almost home.

I guess T.K.'s getting impatient to split up. Their faces are onscreen for most of the extended silence, so the dub still has to go through with Matt and T.K. sitting there unmoving and not speaking. But the vibe is completely killed by T.K.'s whining.

Tsunomon: Matt and T.K.'s mom and dad aren't together anymore, Patamon. So even though they're brothers, they don't live together. Patamon: So T.K. lives with their mom and Matt lives with their dad? That explains why they try so hard to stay together all the time. (T.K. checks Digivice for the time) T.K.: It's sure late. Matt: Yeah? So? T.K.: The next stop's good enough. Matt: No. I'm gonna take you all the way home, little brother. T.K.: You don't have to. Matt: I know I don't have to but I'm going to, okay? I've got my reasons! T.K.: What reasons? Matt: You're my brother. T.K.: Thanks Matt.

This part's pretty well adapted. Matt uses a lot more words to explain where he's coming from, whereas Yamato captures basically all of that in the four words "Let me do this." But he still gets to the same point.

Things are pretty tense here in the train car. But then Patamon asks a question that's more insensitive than he realizes.

Patamon: Are you upset because you're splitting up (wakareru)? Takeru: Shut up! Yamato: (surprised) Takeru! Patamon: You don't have to yell at me like that! Takeru: Even if it's you, Patamon, you shouldn't talk about us brothers like that! Patamon: Fine! I won't talk anymore! Tsunomon: Patamon!

To understand why Takeru lost his shit all of a sudden, you need to understand the nerve Patamon struck. The word he used, wakareru, means to divide or to separate. He was trying to politely ask if the fact that they're going to go their separate ways soon is what's causing all this tension in the train car.

But it's also the word for divorce. Patamon accidentally brushed on Takeru and Yamato's mutual insecurity, that their parents breaking up has broken them up.

Meanwhile, in the dub:

Patamon: Ahhh, nothing like sweet brotherly love! Tsunomon: That's a Digi-mouthful! Patamon: We like when you guys get mushy! T.K.: Hey, quit it! Matt: Easy, T.K.! Patamon: You don't have to be mean about it. I thought what you guys said was ni-- T.K.: MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX!!! Why ya listenin' to our conversation anyway!? Patamon: FINE!!! If you don't want me around, I'll leave! Tsunomon: Patamon!

Patamon abruptly starts talking about how cute the boys are, and T.K. gets so embarrassed that he snaps at Patamon about it.

The anime's always been uncomfortable talking about the divorce. So uncomfortable that they initially posed these two as half-brothers but I think we've officially done away with that. But they did bring it up a second ago, so I'm a little surprised they suddenly back down from it here.

Patamon's feelings are so hurt by the argument that he bails as soon as the train doors open.

Patamon: I'm getting off here! Yamato: Patamon!

Yamato and Tsunomon try to chase Patamon, but only get as far as the door. He's gone.

Yamato: Takeru! Patamon flew away! Takeru: (bristling) Who cares.... Tsunomon: The door's about to close! Yamato: (firmly) Takeru....

Right as the doors are about to close, Takeru's anger breaks. At the last possible second, he and Yamato jump out onto the platform of Shibuya Station to go find Patamon.

In the dub:

Patamon: I know when I'm not wanted! Matt: Patamon, don't! (Patamon's gone) Matt: Patamon got off the train, T.K.! Don't you want to go after him? T.K.: Who cares about him!? Tsunomon: I think you care about him. Matt: Don't you? (beat) Tsunomon: T.K.? Matt: Better decide, T.K.; The door's closing! (T.K.'s anger breaks and he jumps off the train with Matt) T.K.: Where'd he go!? Tsunomon: Where are we!?

Again, it's wordier but it hits all the important points. Tsunomon and Matt having to spell out T.K.'s inner turmoil might be a bit over-expository but it doesn't feel intrusive to me. The scene still flows pretty well.

Leaving the station, the brothers hit the streets of Shibuya to find Patamon.

Tsunomon: Where could Patamon have gone? Yamato: This is your fault for yelling at him, Takeru. Takeru: (snaps) I couldn't help it! Yamato: Hey, don't take it out on me.

Takeru stops walking suddenly. His eyes soften.

Takeru: Onii-chan, I'm sorry.... Yamato: You went too far with Patamon. Takeru: I know, it's just.... He wasn't wrong.... Yamato: (gently) I know how you feel. Tsunomon: Let's go look over there!

Tsunomon's doing a pretty terrible job of being a plushy, I gotta say.

The dub, I guess, adds a timeskip as the brothers exit the train station?

T.K.: Seems like we've been walking around for hours.... Tsunomon: Yeah, I'm tired! And I don't even have any feet or legs! Matt: You shouldn't have yelled at him like that, T.K. T.K.: Hey, it's not my fault! Matt: Well, actually, it is. (T.K.'s eyes soften and he stops walking.) T.K.: Oh, I'm really sorry.... Matt: I understand, T.K. I know you didn't mean to hurt his feelings. T.K.: Well, I thought he was making fun of us.... Matt: No way, dude! You know Patamon better than that. Tsunomon: Hey, why don't we try looking over there.

Well. Uh. Glad we got that resolved. T.K. was making mountains out of molehills and he gets that now. Emotional drama: Over.

While Yamato and Takeru search for Patamon, they pass a pachinko parlor. We pan inside, where Pumpmon and Gotsumon are spending their night on the town not gambling.

Pachinko is a pretty huge industry in Japan, proving not-gambling entertainment services. Comparable to a slot machine, pachinko is an easy way to burn through your disposable income by turning a knob and seeing what you get.

The reason I keep saying not gambling like that is because pachinko exploits a legal loophole to dance around Japan's strict gambling laws. Legally, it's simply classified as entertainment. This is because you can't win any money from the machines.

When you play pachinko, what you win from it are balls which are then exchanged for prizes at a nearby prize center. Sort of like an arcade. Those prizes can then be sold to a vendor in exchange for money.

See! It's not gambling! You're winning prizes, not money. And then turning those prizes into money. Not gambling!

So. yeah. These two are basically in a Japanese casino. It's an open secret that pachinko's cheating the system but it's also a pretty major industry, puts a lot of money into taxes, and the law still restricts minors from playing so everyone sorta goes along with it. There's stuff like that in every country.

We join Pumpmon inside as his machine pays out a ton of pachinko balls. Behind him, he has five separate trays filled with balls.

Pumpmon: This is really fun! Gotsumon: Hey, give me some. Pumpmon: Again!? Gotsumon: Don't be selfish! Pumpmon: But I am selfish. Gotsumon: I'll pay you back. Pumpmon: Promise? Gotsumon: Promise.

Before Pumpmon can turn any balls over to Gotsumon, a casino worker finds them.

Worker: You two. You're kids wearing costumes, AREN'T YOU!?!?

He drags them both from the casino and throws them out onto the escalator.

Worker: Next time I see you in here, I'm calling your school!

Once the two Digimon hit the bottom, they get up and yell back at him.

Pumpmon: WE'RE NOT CHILDREN!!! Gotsumon: We're just short! Worker: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!?!? Both Digimon: WAUUUUGH!!! (flees)

The funny thing is, he's half-right. Gotsumon is a child.

In the dub:

Pumpkinmon: Haha! Alright, another winner! Gotsumon: So will you give me a few? Pumpkinmon: What, again!? Gotsumon: I'll pay you back, I promise! Pumpkinmon: You'll pay me back with what!? Gotsumon: With what I'm about to win! Pumpkinmon: But you never win. Gotsumon: I'M HOT TONIGHT!!!

I don't think Gotsumon knows what that phrase means. Also, sad that we dropped "But I am selfish."

Nonetheless, pleasantly surprised that they correctly adapted the pachinko parlor as a casino by any other name. This is casino dialogue.

Worker: Hey, you two! You kids just don't get the message! Get out and STAY OUT!!! (Worker throws them out) Worker: If you have to try sneaking in here dressed as cartoon characters, at least get a decent costume! (Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon hit the ground floor) Pumpkinmon: Boy, it's a good thing we were just about to leave! Gotsumon: Or we'd teach you some manners! Worker: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?!? Pumpkinmon: Uh-oh! Gotsumon: Oh boy! (They flee)

These two are clowns in both versions. I love it.

Fleeing from the casino, the two Digimon run into a young woman, knocking her to the ground.

Gotsumon: IT'S A SHIBUYA-TYPE GIRL!!! Pumpmon: Let's hit on her to celebrate our first night in Shibuya! Gotsumon: What's up, babe? Woman: What do you want!? Gotsumon: Do you know what time it is? Woman: (checks her watch) Hey! Don't come any closer! You two look like rejects from "Kinchan no Kasou Taishou"! Pumpmon: What is that? Gotsumon: I don't get it. Pumpmon: You're dressed funny too!

Pumpmon demonstrates the peculiarities of the woman's attire by yanking her out her nose stud. This proves to be a terrible mistake, as the next we see of them, they're fleeing for their lives while she chases them in a blood fury.

Woman: YOU ASSHOLES!!!

Needless to say, their attempt at hitting on the woman they knocked down did not go well.

The TV show she brings up is a Japanese variety show that's basically a professional talent show. People would come on and do their own skits, then be rated by a panel of judges.

In the dub:

Gotsumon: Whoa! I think you knocked over a monster! Pumpkinmon: Even worse, I think I knocked over a teenager. I've heard about these strange looking creatures. Woman: Hey! It takes one to know one. Gotsumon: Excuse me, do you know what time it is? Pumpkinmon: TIME FOR NEW CLOTHES AHAHAHAHA!!! Woman: Get lost, you creeps! And what's with the costumes!? Aren't you guys a little late for Halloween!? Pumpkinmon: What's Halloween? Gotsumon: I don't think I like these teenage things! Pumpkinmon: Me either. Maybe I can reprogram her if I pull out her safety mechanism. (Pumpkinmon tugs the woman's nose stud, provoking the fury) Woman: COME BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE MUTANTS!!! THIS 'TEENAGE THING' IS GONNA TEACH YOU SOME MANNERS!!!

It's August, so we're more early for Halloween than late.

Pumpkinmon talks like a grumpy old man in this scene and it's weird. His lines here are generation-gap Boomer Humor, and it feels bizarre coming from what are supposed to be two fun-loving imps having a night on the town.

I mean, he is an Ultimate Digimon so maybe he is a boomer but it doesn't fit the tone.

That said, the payoff in the woman's final line is hilarious. XD

Fleeing the infuriated teenager, Pumpmon and Gotsumon's trajectory brings them down an alley and straight towards Yamato and Takeru.

Tsunomon is not playing. The second he lays eyes on these two coming down the alley, he evolves to Gabumon.

Gabumon: Pumpmon! Gotsumon! Takeru: Do you know these Digimon? Gabumon: I think they work for Vamdemon. Pumpmon: We're being chased by a Shibuya-type girl who's much scarier than Vamdemon-sama! Gotsumon: You should hide too!

The pair grab Gabumon by the arms, dragging him away to a hiding place.

In the dub:

Gabumon: Hold it right there! Why are you two in such a hurry!? T.K.: Do you know these guys? Gabumon: I sure do! They work for Myotismon. Pumpkinmon: You're right! But, right now, we're being chased by something even scarier than Myotismon. Gotsumon: There's a really mad teenage human after us! Come to think of it, you'd better hide too!

Losing the repeated references to these humans as "Shibuya-type" doesn't seem like that big a deal, but it does take a bit of the unique characterization and charm away from Pumpmon and Gotsumon.

While the Digimon take cover, Yamato faces the furious Shibuya-type teenager.

Woman: WHERE THE HELL DID "KINCHAN NO KASOU TAISHOU" GO!?!? Yamato: (points) They went that way. Woman: Thanks! (runs off)

Classic misdirect. Once she's gone, it's time to find out what's going on with these guys.

Gabumon: Did Vamdemon order the two of you to come here and find the Eighth Child? Pumpmon: That's right.

Yamato tenses up at the confirmation. The music takes on an ominous tone as Gabumon and Takeru withdraw to Yamato. Steeling themselves for the--

Pumpmon: But Shibuya is much more fun! (Tension killed instantly) Yamato: (lost) Shibuya is much more fun?

Both: (dramatic pose) We've become Shibuya-type Digimon! Takeru: Shibuya-type Digimon? Gabumon: What is going through your heads? Both: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!

Yamato, Takeru, and Gabumon all exchange weary glances over whatever the hell this is. But when they look back, the Shibuya-type Digimon are gone.

Yamato: WHERE DID THEY GO!?!?

In the dub, the teenager opens this scene with a valid point.

Woman: YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE DRESSED IN THOSE STUPID COSTUMES WHERE ARE THEY!?!? Matt: (points) Uh, they went that way. Woman: THANKS!!! (runs off) (The Digimon come out from hiding) Gabumon: I think I know why you two troublemakers are in the real world. Did Myotismon happen to send you here to find someone? Pumpkinmon: Yeah! That Eighth DigiDestined kid. Matt: Huh! Then you're our enemy! Pumpkinmon: No, we're not! We just want to cruise around the city and have some fun! Matt: Well, we thought you two were evil Digimon. Gotsumon: Evil schmevil! We love it here! In fact, next stop: Hollywood! (dramatic pose) TA-DA!!! T.K.: (flatly) They're not ready for TV. Gabumon: Typical. Everybody wants to be in show business. Both Digimon: Lights! Cameras! And action! (The trio all exchange glances and disgusted noises) Gotsumon: Hey! There's some lights! Pumpkinmon: YEAH!!! (Everyone looks back and they're gone) Matt: What are they doing up there!?

The dub's aversion to quiet moments prevents it from even competing with the original. Also, the nonsequitur about Hollywood is clearly written in there because they had no idea what to do with the Shibuya-type animations they were saddled with.

Now, where did those two get off to?

Gotsumon and Pumpmon jump onto a streetlight, shaking it and scrambling its signals. The ensuing confusion causes a traffic calamity.

Gabumon: YOU TWO!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?

Suddenly, police sirens start up in the distance.

Takeru: Police sirens! Yamato: They'll arrest us if they see this! RUN FOR IT!!!

Yamato, Takeru, and Gabumon cheese it before the bacon patrol can arrive. Gotsumon and Pumpmon consider their options.

Pumpmon: They're running away. Gotsumon: Let's go too. Both: WAIT UP!!! (flee)

Wise decision.

Over in the dub, Matt yells at them as soon as they jump on the streetlight.

Matt: HEY!!! GET DOWN!!! (Gotsumon and Pumpkinmon cause a pileup) Gabumon: That's enough! That's not funny; It's mean! (Police sirens) T.K.: Sirens! Matt: Get down or the police will arrest you! We'd better get out of here, guys; Let's run! (T.K., Matt, and Gabumon flee) Pumpkinmon: Did he just say let's run? Gotsumon: Sure did! Both: WAIT FOR US!!! (flee)

Mostly the same, though Gabumon's gentle admonishment isn't as fun as original Gabumon's furious outburst.

After cheesing it from the cops together, the brothers realize they've misplaced the Shibuya-type Digimon.

Yamato: H-Hey, what happened to Pumpmon and Gotsumon? Takeru: They were keeping up with us a minute ago. Gabumon: Those two are so impulsive... ACK!!!

Gabumon suddenly spots Pumpmon and Gotsumon trying on outfits inside a clothing store through the display window. Pumpmon is rocking a pink dress while Gotsumon's trying on blue shorts and a white shirt.

Brothers: ...those guys.... Pumpmon: I think this dress would look better on you. Gotsumon: I agree!

They swap instantaneously.

Yamato, Takeru, and Gabumon enter the store to confront them.

Yamato: Pumpmon! Gotsumon! Gotsumon: Oh, did you want to dress up too? Pumpmon: PUT THIS ON!!!

Gotsumon and Pumpmon dress Yamato, Takeru, and Gabumon each up in goofy outfits. The camera lingering on each in turn.

Gotsumon & Pumpmon: YOU LOOK GREAT!!!

Right at that moment, Patamon flies past the window.

Takeru: AH! PATAMON!!! Yamato: AFTER HIM!!!

The trio throw off their costumes and frantically exit the store, chasing after the lost Patamon.

Pumpmon: Should we follow them? Gotsumon: Sure!

In the dub, Gabumon takes this as an opportunity to be zen.

Matt: Hey, where are Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon? T.K.: They were right behind us. They must have gotten lost or something. Gabumon: Those two... Even when they're found they're lost. AUGH!!! (Gabumon spots the pair in a storefront window) Matt & T.K.: Man oh man.... Pumpkinmon: I think this one makes me look fat. But what do you think? Gotsumon: Well then, let's switch! (Brothers and Gabumon enter) Matt: You guys need to change your attitude! Gotsumon: You need to change your clothes!

XD "You need to change your clothes" got me.

As the camera pans over each of the dressed up protagonists, Gotsumon and Pumpkinmon get some silence-breakers.

Pumpkinmon: (on Matt) This look says you're not afraid to think big! Gotsumon: (on T.K.) Here's a sporty look! Course, I haven't figured out what sport it is yet. Pumpkinmon: (on Gabumon) And finally something nice and a little teddy. Well, what do you think? (Patamon flies by) T.K.: OH!!! PATAMON!!! Matt: HEY!!! PATAMON, COME BACK!!! (The brothers run out) Pumpkinmon: ...so, should we follow those guys? Gotsumon: And why not?

XD Again, they got me. "I haven't figured out what sport it is yet," was a solid follow-up to the innocuous seeming setup, and the timing on that line was pretty good.

Yamato, Takeru, and Gabumon chase Patamon to a nearby park, but then they lose him.

Takeru: We lost him again.... Yamato: Patamon must still be upset. Gabumon: He's not usually this stubborn.

Suddenly, Pumpmon and Gotsumon show up with ice cream cones.

Pumpmon: Now now, cheer up! Gotsumon: Have faith that you'll find him eventually.... Pumpmon: ...and have some ice cream!

Yamato and Takeru both gasp with alarm when they see what the pair are holding.

Gabumon: Where did you get that ice cream? Both: WE STOLE IT!!!

As if on cue, the ice cream vendor comes running into the park behind them.

Vendor: ICE CREAM THIEVES!!!

So the whole group has to start running once again.

Yamato: Why do we have to run!? Gabumon: She's seen us with them! Gotsumon: Want some ice cream while we're running away? Takeru: GET RID OF IT!!!

Once they've evaded yet another Shibuya-type pursuit, Yamato and Takeru stop to catch their breath.

Pumpmon: (holding out the cones) Want some? Yamato: Not me. Takeru: Me either. Gabumon: ... (Beat) Gabumon: I'll eat. Yamato: HEY!!! GABUMON!!!

XD Yamato's trying so hard to present a unified front here but it's ice cream. I mean, no point letting it go to waste; Damage already done and all that. You can't unpop that cork.

In the dub:

T.K.: Do you see him anywhere, Matt? Matt: No. Looks like we lost him again, T.K. Gabumon: Patamon doesn't usually hold a grudge but he was mad as a bull with a Black Gear.

It's funny to me that they're still bringing up Black Gears. That was more than half the series ago. On the one hand, new viewers are going to have no idea what that's supposed to mean. But from a writing perspective, I kinda like that their initial File Island adventure left a mark on everyone's psyches.

Like they're just waiting for Black Gears to become a thing again.

Pumpkinmon: Hey now, don't look so bummed out! Gotsumon: Yeah! I'm sure you'll find your little flying pig friend somewhere! Pumpkinmon: Maybe some ice cream will cheer you all up, huh? Brothers: !!! Gabumon: You guys don't have any money so how did you get ice cream? Both: WE STOLE IT!!! Vendor: (running into the park) YOU CROOKS!!! COME BACK HERE WITH MY ICE CREAM!!! (Everyone runs) Matt: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TWO!!! EVERYWHERE YOU GUYS GO, THERE'S TROUBLE!!! THE NEXT TIME YOU TWO GET SOMEONE ANGRY, MAKE SURE THEY CAN'T RUN VERY FAST!!! (Everyone stops to catch their breath) Pumpkinmon: So, want some ice cream? Matt: Not me. T.K.: You stole it! Gabumon: ... Matt: Gabumon won't take it either. Right? Gabumon: Ice cream... Ye-- Brothers: GABUMON!!!

Not sure why Gotsumon knows they're looking for a flying pig; He hasn't laid eyes on Patamon. But they did say Patamon's name so he's probably familiar with the species. That's fine.

The dialogue exchange while everyone's running is replaced with Matt scolding the pair of troublemakers for the entire sequence. Though, funnily, he seems more upset that they got caught than that they stole the ice cream in the first place.

The Gabumon joke at the end is slightly different but still nails the landing.

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning from the stormy sky strikes the road in front of them, kicking up a cloud of dust. And then everything stops being funny.

Vamdemon: Pumpmon. Gotsumon. Both: Y-Yes, sir!? Vamdemon: Why are you eating ice cream with the Chosen Children? Both: Y-you see.... Vamdemon: Weren't you supposed to be searching for the Eighth Child? Both: We haven't found them yet! Vamdemon: Then why haven't you taken the Crests from these children!? Both: We were just about to do that! (Pumpmon and Gotsumon turn on Yamato and Takeru) Gabumon: RUN!!!

Gabumon shields Yamato and Takeru with his body and the three of them run for it. Gotsumon and Pumpmon let out adorable little battle cries and give chase.

Over in the dub, Myotismon opens by telling these two what he really thinks.

Myotismon: Losers! Failures! Both: No no! Don't say that! Myotismon: Instead of causing pain and suffering, I find you here eating ice cream! Both: ...well, it is stolen-- Myotismon: I DON'T CARE ABOUT ICE CREAM!!! Have you found the Eighth DigiDestined Child yet? Both: Well, we were about to find him! Myotismon: Redeem yourselves by stealing the Crests from these children OR ELSE!!! Both: No problem, boss! That's just what we were about to do! (Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon turn on Matt and T.K.)

Gabumon doesn't say anything when they run this time. He lets out some scared vocalizing like Matt and T.K. are.

Different openings to the same result. Honestly, both openings have merits. I prefer the first one, because Vamdemon's stonefaced "Why are you eating ice cream with the Chosen Children?" is a beautiful Oh Fuck moment. There is no possible answer they can give to that question that won't incriminate them further.

But also, Gotsumon and Pumpkinmon pointing out to Saturday Morning Cartoon Villain Myotismon that the ice cream does qualify as a crime, only for him to scream "I DON'T CARE ABOUT ICE CREAM!!!" is hilarious. XD

So, in the original, Vamdemon opens the conversation with an impossible-to-defend accusation in what is very much the voice of a boss catching an employee goofing off at work. Meanwhile, in the dub, they get him. They win that verbal joust and he's livid about it. Both versions are so good.

Takeru: Why did they attack us all of a sudden!? Yamato: It can't be helped. They were working for Vamdemon from the start! Gabumon: But I can't bring myself to fight those two!

Pumpmon and Gotsumon are troublemakers, but there's no malice in it. They've sort of become the kids' friends, in an odd way.

In the dub:

T.K.: Can you believe those two turning on us!? Matt: And I thought Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon only wanted to have fun, not fight! Gabumon: I suppose they'd rather fight us than fight Myotismon.

Gabumon's line in the original is an expression of his own personal feelings towards Gotsumon and Pumpmon. He's asserting his growing fondness for the pair. In the dub, he explains their motive for the betrayal, which we saw for ourselves half a minute ago, so it's not as interesting.

Cut to Patamon hunkering down on top of a streetlight. He's finally run out of angry and is starting to have post-fury regrets.

Patamon: I left in the heat of the moment, but I wonder what Takeru's doing now?

Down below, he overhears a pair of girls in school uniforms chatting.

Girl 1: Yeah, if you want to meet up with someone, it should be in front of Hachikou's statue. Girl 2: Hachikou's statue is the best place to meet up! Patamon: Hachikou's statue....

Patamon takes to the air again, his mind set on a destination.

For context, Hachikou was a dog whose owner brought him to Shibuya. His owner would take the train to work, and every day Hachikou would wait at Shibuya Station for his owner to return.

His owner died one day from a medical complication at work, and never came home to Hachikou. From then on, every day for the next ten years, Hachikou would come to Shibuya Station and wait, unaware that his owner would never return. He kept this up until the day he died.

(Yeah, that Futurama episode that made you cry is based on a real event that happened in Japan.)

In his memory, a statue of Hachikou was erected outside the station. He's been immortalized in movies, anime, and video games. There's even an annual memorial in his honor.

So. Y'know. Lot of cultural significance to using Hachikou's statue as a place to meet up with people. Which isn't going to translate into the dub very well.

Patamon: I just can't stay mad at T.K. anymore. Besides, I really miss him! Girl 1: So I told Rebecca and Sarah to just find us at the park later. That'll work. It's like... It's so easy to find somebody at the park! Girl 2: Yeah! It's totally easy to find somebody there! Patamon: Oh, in the park!

(sigh) They could have at least used the statue as a landmark. Even if kids don't understand the cultural significance, that's fine. Neither does Patamon. Someone said "Hey, Hachikou's statue is a great place to meet!" and that's all the context he has. It's fine if that's all the context the audience has.

"The park"? This is a metropolitan city. Which park?

While Patamon's heading to Hachikou's statue, Yamato and Takeru find themselves cornered by the formerly friendly Gotsumon and Pumpmon.

As they round a corner, they see Pumpmon ahead, cutting off their exit.

Yamato: AUGH!!! Takeru: PUMPMON!!! Pumpmon: This is as far as you go! Gabumon: He cut us off from the front. Yamato: Get behind me, Takeru.

Gripping Takeru by the shoulders, Yamato moves him back towards the rear. Unfortunately, it's not safe from that side either, as Gotsumon brings up the rear.

Takeru: (spots Gotsumon) Ah! Yamato: (turns) Gotsumon! Gotsumon: This is as far as you go.

I like the symmetrical taunting from Pumpmon and Gotsumon as their trap is sprung. These two are such a double-act, even as the enemy.

The pair backs Yamato, Takeru, and Gabumon into a vacant lot. Nowhere to run now.

In the dub:

T.K.: Hey, how'd you do that!? Pumpkinmon: Aren't I amazing!? Gabumon: Well, you might make a nice pie. Matt: Come on! Let's turn around! (moves T.K. behind him) T.K.: Whuh!? Gotsumon: (approaches from the rear) Hehe, I don't think so! Matt: We're surrounded! Gotsumon: Sorry we have to do this to you guys, but orders are orders. You understand.

"You might make a nice pie." Holy shit, shots fired. Gabumon threatens to eat Pumpkinmon.

Matt's also given a tone-shifting silence-breaker when Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon back them into the lot.

Matt: Alright, if it's a fight you want, LET'S DO IT!!!

This is one of those lines the dub likes to use when the kids are in extreme peril to make it seem like it's not so dire.

With their backs against the wall of the lot, Yamato, Takeru, and Gabumon prepare to have to defend themselves. Pumpmon and Gotsumon slowly advance on the Children with determination and menace in their eyes. Then, at last, Pumpmon--

Pumpmon: I quit. Gotsumon: Ugh, me too! Pumpmon: Playing around in Shibuya is way more fun than fighting the Chosen Children! Gotsumon: Yeah yeah! Come hang out with us! Group: Huh!?

Yamato, Takeru, and Gabumon have tonal whiplash over how this night has gone. But the tension's been deflated, our new friends are still our friends, and--

A bolt of lightning suddenly strikes nearby.

Pumpmon: V-VAMDEMON'S COMING!!! Gotsumon: Go hide!

Things may have de-escalated with these two, but there's still the big guy lurking around. It's not safe to be out in Tokyo at night.

In the dub:

Pumpkinmon: Uhh, I quit. Gotsumon: Yeah, me too. Group: Huh? Pumpkinmon: Why should we fight? Somebody always gets hurt. Besides, it's way more fun just hanging out and cruising around the city! Gotsumon: That's for sure! Hey, why don't you guys hang out with us? Group: Huh!? (Lightning bolt strikes nearby) Pumpkinmon: Whoa, Myotismon's coming! Gotsumon: You should all hide!

It's worded a little different but mostly the same. I like Pumpkinmon's new point about how violence sucks, actually. Like. Unless you're Son Goku, on a scale of 1 to Fun it's a 0.

Takeru, Yamato, and Gabumon all hide while Pumpmon and Gotsumon go out to confront their boss.

It does not go well.

Vamdemon: Where are the Chosen Children? Pumpmon: Unfortunately, they got away from us. Gotsumon: We almost had 'em! Vamdemon: You LIARS!!! I have no further use for you. NIGHT RAID!!!

Pumpmon and Gotsumon's deception confirms Vamdemon's suspicions, provoking a rare break from his typically cool demeanor.

We're going to see in a moment that he does know where the Yamato, Takeru, and Gabumon are. It's too late to hide. He's giving Pumpmon and Gotsumon an opportunity to tell him and prove that they haven't deserted their posts. A test that they fail.

In the dub:

Myotismon: Where are the DigiDestined!? Pumpkinmon: Uh, they were here just a second ago! They must have got away! Gotsumon: Yeah! You can't believe how fast they are! But we almost had 'em, boss. Myotismon: Yes. I can imagine. You had your chance; Now I'm condemning you to my dungeon in the Digi-World! GRISLY WING!!!

...yeah, we'll. Uh. We'll talk about Myotismon's dungeon in the Digi-World in a moment.

The acting for Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon is so good in this scene. They do a fantastic job selling these claims as pathetic excuses from dipshit minions.

There is, however, a bit of a narrative shift here. Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon are lying to protect their friends in both versions. However, in the original, Vamdemon sees through their lies and attacks them for betraying his side. Myotismon is just executing them for failure. This was their opportunity to "redeem themselves" for not finding the Eighth Child, and they bungled it.

Well. Shit. Vamdemon's on the attack, as his bats swarm Pumpmon and Gotsumon. Nothing to lose now; Go for the Hail Mary.

Pumpmon fires off his Trick or Treat, conjuring a colossal pumpkin above Vamdemon and dropping it. The Night Raid bats quickly return from their attack, moving into defense and catching the pumpkin. They ravenously devour Pumpmon's best move.

While his bats are distracted, Gotsumon tries to blindside Vamdemon with his Angry Rock attack. But. Like. It's a rock being thrown by a Child-stage Digimon, and Vamdemon's Perfect. He telekinetically stops the rock with a sharp gaze, then shatters it in midair.

The dub calls these moves Pumpkinmon Power and Rock Fist Attack respectively.

Once the bats have finished eating Pumpmon's pumpkin, they go back on the attack. Pumpmon and Gotsumon have nothing left to defend themselves.

Vamdemon's Night Raid descends upon Pumpmon and Gotsumon once more. They both let out the most bloodcurdling screams, and we pan away to Yamato, Takeru, and Gabumon in a nearby alley.

Gabumon: Pumpmon! Takeru: Gotsumon!

Yamato throws himself around Takeru and pulls him away, using his own body to break Takeru's line of sight.

Yamato: Don't watch, Takeru!

The axe from Pumpmon's head and one of Gotsumon's rocks clatter to the ground. Then they dissolve into pixel dust. The incorrigible pranksters are dead. Vamdemon takes a step forward, his boot landing where these parts of the prankster pair had dissolved, as if crushing their bodies underfoot.

There is no change in the dub. Even their bloodcurdling screams as they die are retained. This is because the dub already changed the context of this scene a moment ago. This is where "My dungeon in the Digi-World" comes in.

They pre-emptively altered the context of Gotsumon and Pumpkinmon's disintegration so they could present the death scene in all its gory detail, unhindered by the need to appease the censors. They went to the dungeon, so it's fine for them to die screaming while Matt yells at T.K. not to watch.

...honestly, clever. Points to the dub for managing to make the censors happy and preserve the emotional punch of this scene. Though if you're hoping for a follow-up episode where we spring them from Myotismon's dungeon, I... Uh... I have some bad news.

(Now that I think about it, his entire castle and the mountain it's situated on got obliterated the day after he left. He doesn't know about that. So... I guess they're fine. Dub Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon popped into existence in a vacant lot in the Digital World, then ran merrily off into the woods. The joke was on Myotismon in the end.)

With the deserters disposed of, Vamdemon next advances on the alley where Yamato, Takeru, and Gabumon are hidden away.

Vamdemon: The three of you are next. Yamato: (voice breaking) They were good people.... Gabumon: Yamato.... Yamato: YOU HAD NO REASON TO KILL THEM!!!

To understand how big a deal this eruption from Yamato is, you need to understand something. Much like children's media in the U.S., children's media in Japan generally frowns on the word kurosu, meaning "to kill". It's considered vulgar and inappropriate for young audiences.

Like western children's cartoons, Children's anime will generally favor other terminology. "Defeat him. Destroy him. Take him down."

Yamato here uses the word. We are not pulling any linguistic punches. This motherfucker murdered Pumpmon and Gotsumon.

Gabumon evolves into Garurumon, slamming Vamdemon against the wall of the storefront across the road. He gets a hit in, but Vamdemon easily punches him away.

Garurumon keeps up the assault while Yamato shakes with fury.

Yamato: Those guys... It may only have been for a little while... (voice breaks) But they were our friends! GARURUMON!!!

Vamdemon catches Garurumon in his Bloody Stream, whipping him away and tossing him at a building. Just then, Yamato's grief activates his Crest, pushing Garurumon into Super-Evolution.

In the dub, Myotismon is cruelly dismissive of Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon.

Myotismon: (Advancing on the alleyway) Well, that wasn't very difficult. Now it's your turn. Matt: (voice breaking) Those two... They were really trying to save us. Gabumon: You're right! Matt: Rrrrgh! And you just condemned them for no reason at all!

The dub does not have the nerve to say kurosu here. Though they have dropped in some "kill" words in the past. I think this is contextually too dark for them.

Garurumon attacks Myotismon, and Matt's speech here is:

Matt: Go get him. He should pay for what he did to those two! Those guys just wanted to be our friends! GARURUMON!!!

Tonal shift. Yamato's speech is a furious eulogy centered on Pumpmon and Gotsumon, while Matt's is a vindictive battle cry against Myotismon. As usual, the Americans are more comfortable in the realm of aggression than emotional sincerity, which often gets put on display with Yamato/Matt specifically.

WereGarurumon catches himself, landing on his hind legs on the building and then springing back at Vamdemon. Kicking off the most public Digimon fight we've had yet right here in the streets of youth culture center Shibuya.

We cut briefly to Patamon resting in a tree at Shibuya Station above the statue of Hachikou.

Patamon: Aww... Those girls said that if I wait here, I'd find Takeru...

In the dub:

Patamon: Aww... Those girls said the park was the place to find someone, but where's T.K.?

The spirit of Hachikou is strong today, however, and Patamon will be reunited with Takeru. The sound of screaming alerts him to something happening nearby. He looks up in time to see glowing signs on distant buildings destroyed by WereGarurumon and Vamdemon's fight.

(We aren't retreating this time; Yamato's out for blood. Also, fun fact: I'm sure I brought this up before but WereGarurumon himself is a Nightmare Soldier.)

The public below look on in horror as werewolf and vampire duke it out in Shibuya. WereGarurumon dodges away from a stabbing Bloody Stream and counters with Kaiser Nail. His claws form an X-shaped projectile that slams Vamdemon back through the wall of one of the neighboring buildings.

Startled humans inside leap to their feet as the fighting progresses indoors. WereGarurumon jumps in through the hole, but Vamdemon's back on his feet. A Night Raid hits WereGarurumon dead-on; The bats lifting him through the air and crashing him through a neon sign.

Though the fight started off promising, the neon sign costs WereGarurumon dearly. Vamdemon now has the upper hand. Before WereGarurumon can recover and get back to his feet, Vamdemon lashes him with Bloody Stream.

The fight has completely turned. Vamdemon has the unassailable advantage now. WereGarurumon finally makes it back to his feet, holding his stomach, badly hurt. Only to take another Bloody Stream to the face and knock him back down.

Yamato and Takeru watch in horror while Vamdemon lifts WereGarurumon into the air on his Bloody Stream whips, shocking or burning or doing something to him. WereGarurumon screams in agony.

While the violence unfolds, Takeru isn't even thinking about it. He's buried in his guilt.

Takeru: (thinking) If I hadn't gotten so mad, Patamon wouldn't have left us. We never would have met Pumpmon and Gotsumon in Shibuya. And Pumpmon and Gotsumon... wouldn't have been killed by Vamdemon!

Holy shit, that is a lot to lay on the shoulders of an 8-year-old. Takeru believes his mistakes got Pumpmon and Gotsumon killed. He's... he's not right but he's not wrong either.

I love that he calls out Vamdemon as the killer. That's vital perspective that people struggling with guilt don't always have. Vamdemon killed them, not Takeru. He is not to blame. It's good that he recognizes that.

But the chain of events that led to their deaths did begin with him exploding on the train. He's not to blame, but he's still going to be telling his therapist about this when he's forty.

In the dub:

T.K.: (thinking) WereGarurumon's in big trouble and it's all my fault! If I hadn't been so mean, Patamon would still be with us and we would never have met Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon! And if those poor guys had never met up with us, they wouldn't be stuck where they are now! Ohhhhh....

Good effort. Doesn't land quite as strongly, but that's mainly because there's only so hard they can go on T.K.'s trauma when Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon are simply in a dungeon cell somewhere. They still put in as much effort as they can to sell this.

Takeru's grief and trauma and fear is so overwhelming at this point that it all comes crashing in together, pushing him over the edge for the second first time. Patamon SHINKAAAAAA!!!

FINALLY, a full 19 episodes following his death and reincarnation, Angemon is back in play. Patamon doesn't even know what's happening when the surge of Takeru's emotions hit him all at once and bring him into the fight.

Angemon soars over the onlookers in the streets below and straight on into battle. Vamdemon notices him at the last second, swerving out of the way of Angemon's swing - but the attack still goes through. Angemon's staff crashes through the whips of Vamdemon's Bloody Stream, breaking the bonds that are holding WereGarurumon down.

Angemon's intervention buys WereGarurumon a moment to finally catch his breath and get back up.

WereGarurumon: Angemon!? Angemon: Are you okay, WereGarurumon? WereGarurumon: Uh, sort of? Takeru: Angemon! Yamato: Takeru's feelings reached Patamon!

It's great that Angemon is back in the fight, but WereGarurumon's still hurting. We're not out of the woods yet.

Though the dub ratchets up the positivity.

WereGarurumon: Angemon.... Angemon: Are you alright, WereGarurumon? WereGarurumon: Yes. Thanks to you, I am. T.K.: Angemon rules! Matt: Well, I guess we don't have to look for Patamon anymore!

Matt, is that the most pressing matter right now? Dracula is still right there.

WereGarurumon gets his second wind while Angemon stares down Vamdemon.

Vamdemon: So you're the one who possesses holy powers. WereGarurumon: Let's go, Angemon. Angemon: Right.

In the dub, Myotismon is weirdly dismissive of Angemon?

Myotismon: Hmph. Angemon. They must be desperate if they sent you! WereGarurumon: Angemon, shall we take him? Angemon: Let's go!

Uh, Angemon is kind of a big deal? I mean, he's still only Adult-stage; He'd get wrecked in a straight fight. But Myotismon is talking about him like he's the team bottom-feeder.

Angemon doesn't even respond to Vamdemon. He and WereGarurumon go straight on the attack as soon as WereGarurumon's recovered.

Angemon goes high, raising his staff for an overhead swing, while WereGarurumon goes low. WereGarurumon feints with a spin kick. Just as planned, Vamdemon dodges upwards to evade, coming straight into Angemon's attack range. He's forced to raise his arm to block the follow-up from Angemon.

With Vamdemon momentarily pinned down in melee with Angemon, WereGarurumon rebounds off the building that was behind him and comes in for his real attack. He throws himself up into the fray, coming straight up at Vamdemon's defenseless back.

And then I guess we ran out of time and budget because a big blue light blob conceals the entire rest of this fight.

Vamdemon retreats, attempting to save face with a parting taunt and his weird robotic monotone laugh.

Vamdemon: I'll finish this fight later. Ah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.

So fucking creepy every time he does that. He laughs like a Text-to-Speech generator with a reverb played over it

Myotismon continues to have a much less Uncanny Valley laugh.

Myotismon: It's time I take my leave; We will fight again! HuhuHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Myotismon has a villain laugh and Vamdemon has this eldritch thing masquerading as mirth.

Now that the fight is over, WereGarurumon and Angemon revert to Gabumon and Patamon. (Not Tsunomon? Odd.) Yamato and Takeru race over to check on their Partners.

Yamato lifts Gabumon into his arms as much as he can.

Yamato: Gabumon....

He looks concerned, but Takeru is distraught, with tears in his eyes. Considering what happened to Patamon last time he evolved, you can understand why he's freaking out.

Takeru: Patamon!? Are you.... Patamon: Yeah. I'm okay, Takeru. Takeru: T_T I'm sorry for getting mad.... Patamon: Don't cry, Takeru.

Of course, Takeru's fears are misplaced. The reason Angemon died last time was because he channeled the full holy might of all seven Digivices through his body at once. It was that desperation play that killed him.

But Takeru has had a fucking hell of a night and he can be forgiven for thinking he was about to cap it off by watching Patamon die again.

In the dub:

Matt: I hope they're alright! T.K.: Me too! (Both boys grab their Digimon Partners) Matt: Gabumon? T.K.: Ohhh... Patamon! Are you okay? Patamon: Yes. I'm alright now, T.K. T.K.: I'm sorry, Patamon. I'm sorry I got mad. Patamon: Don't cry, T.K. It's alright.

There's some extra dialogue leading into it but it's otherwise the same.

Yamato and Takeru walk back through Shibuya with their Partners, headed for the station. Along the way, they can't help but see the ghosts of the memories they made tonight, with two friends who paid a tragic price for it.

They were Shibuya-type Digimon to the very end.

Takeru: Onii-chan, over there....

Takeru points out the storefront where Pumpmon and Gotsumon dressed up, and the memories flow in from there. Thirty seconds of silent flashbacks while a mournful piano melody plays in the background.

Yamato: (quietly) ...let's go home. Takeru: Yeah.

As the boys leave, a pair of shooting stars twinkle by overhead. A parting symbol of the lives that were lost tonight.

The dub tries to keep things light and upbeat, which really doesn't work for this scene.

T.K.: Hey, look in that window! That's where those crazy Digimon tried on all the clothes, remember?

Due to the dub's aversion to silence, the flashbacks contain voice lines from Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon, of the various things they said in those scenes.

T.K.: Aww, they were funny. Matt: I know what you mean, T.K. I miss them too.

Yeah, you can't lighthearted a scene about grief. T.K.'s lines end up underselling the severity of what's happening in this scene. Though I guess that's to be expected since Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon went somewhere else.

While Yamato finally takes Takeru back to Shibuya Station to drop him off, we turn our attention back to Odaiba.

The camera pans across the Rainbow Bridge, passing over Daiba Park where Vamdemon's base is located.

Narrator: The children saw the cruelty Vamdemon is capable of with their own eyes.

Then we cut to the Yagami home from outside. Hikari is in her room doing homework. The camera slowly pans up to reveal Tailmon on the roof. Watching.

(What she is watching, I have no idea. All she can see from her vantage is the balcony of the apartment above Hikari's.)

Narrator: Soon they would realize that this was only the prologue to the great battles ahead. Once the Eighth Child discovers their destiny, the flames of battle will flare in an instant and devour everything.

Then we close on a shot of Hikari's Digivice lying in a nest made from stolen hangers. Because crows.

Narrator: There's not long now until that time arrives.

Since the dub has no narrator, Matt takes the mic and uses it to spell out the Moral of the Episode.

Matt (V.O.): I guess we shouldn't take our friends for granted! T.K. nearly lost Patamon's friendship and who knows if we'll ever see Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon again! (Shift to the Yagami home) Matt (V.O.): But one thing's for sure; I know Myotismon isn't through with us yet! His henchmen are out there right now searching for the Eighth DigiDestined! Gatomon: (thinking) You may be sweet, little Kari, but next time I will get my claws into you. Narrator: Will Kari survive her next encounter with Gatomon, Myotismon's most loyal servant? Find out on the next Digimon: Digital Monsters.

Oh fuck me, I guess we DO have a narrator all of a sudden.

Remember, kids: Treasure the friends that you have. Because you never know when Dracula will murder them lock them in a dungeon.

The dub still doesn't quite understand what's going through Tailmon's head right now. She wasn't thwarted in her attempt to kill Hikari; She ran away because Hikari makes her feel feelings that are freaking her out.

She's fence-riding. Trying to monitor Hikari because she's pretty sure Hikari is the Eighth Child, but using "We don't know FOR SURE" as an excuse not to take further action.

But the dub's still playing Gatomon as super determined to kill Kari, but struggling to find an opportunity. Even though she had a perfectly good opportunity that she fled from.

Assessment: Fuck me, this episode. Hahahahaha hi shit is dark today. Between this and Angemon's first outing, Takeru will be in therapy until he's ninety.

This episode's a bit of a cheater. Like, it's kinda bullshit that Tsunomon can go straight to WereGarurumon in the same night he recovers to Gabumon after how much time was spent building up the drawbacks of Super-Evolution - and then revert back to Gabumon instead of Tsunomon.

I'm not sure if this is going to be the new standard going forward. The Digimon do get stronger over the course of the series; It was a plot point on File Island that practice made them better at being able to evolve to Adult-stage more frequently and consistently. So it may be that we're getting better at Super Evolution too. We'll see if this sticks. But it's still weird that he can hit Perfect in an episode he starts out in Baby.

Of course, Pumpmon and Gotsumon tore my heart in half like I knew they would. And Takeru, just... Just... Takeru. It's not exactly the episode from Fullmetal Alchemist (both versions, you know the one) but it's brutal nonetheless.

The dub... This is another one of those episodes where they were screwed from the outset. The censors were never going to let them do this episode justice. It's dark as shit. They didn't want to deal with angry parents calling because their children are screaming and crying over a pumpkin boy.

But for what they'd be allowed to do, they did a better job with it than I expected. It's still a pale imitation of the original, but there's more definition to that imitation than I thought I was going to see. A C for the overall product but an A for effort.

[missoneminute]

Hey! I might have missed it but I'm curious how the Libs in Australia was for you - how were the shows/did you catch up with them etc <3

Hello! It was insane and amazing! The only thing I’ve really posted about it here was this, but the whole tour was super fun. Myself and @suchasinistergame were lucky enough to be invited to do some filming for social media (if you follow our Instagram account we posted extensively there) so we got to tick off some insane bucket list items, like attending a soundcheck, watching/filming from side of stage and joining in backstage hangs and going for drinks after, with @some-greatreward joining in after the Brisbane show as well. There’s no way to say this without it sounding like a brag but we spent a load of time with them all and had the most insane experience of seeing the tour machine from the inside. We are so grateful to the crew and the band for how lovely they were to us and for the absolute dream opportunity. The shows themselves were really good I felt - the band seemed to enjoy themselves and the energy was so relaxed and happy. Like I said in my post it would take a literal novel to recount it all but I’m happy to answer questions about it as writing a recap is too daunting. X

[thowawayuntilfurthernotice]

So to recap.

YouTube is forcing Adblock users to watch ads and Twitter is demanding a $1 fee from new users because the owner is a fuckhead who threw away 45 billion to “Own the libs.”

What a goddamn time to be alive.

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

Libs of TikTok has accused Planet Fitness of neglecting the safety of its female members following a report that the company revoked the gym membership of a Christian woman who complained about a man shaving in the women’s locker room while a 12-year-old girl wrapped in a towel was present.

In a March 11 post on X, the now-former Alaska Planet Fitness member shared a photo she took of the adult man shaving at a sink in the women’s bathroom area. In a video recapping the incident, the woman said she understands the man identifies as a woman, but he is still a man in a private space for women. She added that…

[thealogie]

brief recap of macbeth day 2:

got one hour of sleep last night, woke up and beelined to the matinee queue arriving at 8:05am. i was second in line, the first person had been there since 7:30. waited for 5.5 hours, understandably spirits weren’t as high as yesterday due to the cold cold rain but still made some friends with a few non-nutters!! and at 1:30 the first 7(?) people got in 🙏🙏🙏🙏🎉 i was in row b center stalls, practically the michael sheen seat 😭😭😭😭

noticed so many more details this time!! did not fully realize the affect the adrenaline had on my viewing last night i almost feel ashamed. even just the opening scene where he’s washing the blood off? didn’t even remember there was dialogue during that, i was so concerned with keeping my soul from vibrating out of my body (a near thing).

one big takeaway i had this time was the affect the kilts had on the blocking- the lack of pockets really demanded some intense hand acting, thinking particularly of DT Macduff and Malcolm. And then Cush clutching Macbeth’s note in her pocket when she first greets Duncan?? Appreciated her performance especially even more on second viewing.

Need to have a think but other than the porter scene ad libs only differences were a different child actor and Macduff full on crying real tears, like falling off his face onto his coat.

had an absolutely fascinating conversation afterwards with a brit non-nutter i met in line who had done macbeth in drama school & had some great insights. will recount more at some point but i think i’ve finally reached the point of passing out from exhaustion.

this is your on the ground donmar correspondent signing off for good, looking forward to seeing what london looks like beyond earlham street tomorrow!!

….

(and yet. and yet. the siren song of the closing night queue 🫢🫣💀💀💀)

I hadn’t quite thought of the hand acting as an effect of the kilts you are so right. Cush also really took home the award for hand acting overall! Also so fun to talk to someone who has done the play recently!!

[fennecfoxfavouritefox]

Post-Election Thoughts Posting

It's been few days since our Canadian Election, and now that the results are pretty much all in, I have lots of thoughts. It seems that the liberal mania in the polls was so short lived that by the time the election happened, we were already on the tail end of the liberal wave, with the liberals barely clutching out a minority government.

We survived the election. (Darn, we are "surviving" elections elections now, what has democracy come to??)

To recap, here are our major parties, their leaders, their political alignments, and their colours

Conservatives - Pierre Poilievre - Centre Right - Blue Liberals - Mark Carney - Centre Left - Red NDP - Jagmeet Singh - Left - Orange Bloc Quebecois - Yves Francois Blanchet - Regionalist Separatist - Cyan

During the last few months, Carney got sworn in as Prime Minister, the liberal party got revived from the brink of eradication, and he called an election while the liberals soared in the polls. For two weeks, the liberals were projected a majority government, and yet Carney ended up with a minority government, as Trump's and Poilievre’s insane comments looked further and further back in the rear view mirror to most Canadians.

Had the election happened even 2 weeks later, I don’t think the liberals would have clutched out the win, as their failures over the past 10 years would have started catching up to Carney.

The Liberal Miracle

I know that the joke around Tumblr is that Trump is so unpopular that he caused the conservatives to lose an election in another country. Two other countries now if you also count Australia. And I would like to reiterate how unbelievable this comeback was. During the polling period, in December the conservatives were up by 25 percentage points. Twenty Five. In that period, Canada's premier polling source, Angus Reid released a poll giving the following popular vote breakdown:

CON: 45% NDP: 21% LIB: 16% BQ: 11%

Twitter user RealAlbanianPat, a well respected election modeller modeled that if the Angus Reid Poll is anywhere near accurate, the liberals would lose official party status, and only get 6 seats. Here's a comparison of the December Projection and the Actual Election Results. I used a tool to standardize the maps to make comparisons easier.

(December model above, compared with actual results below) Notice the colour difference between Montreal and Toronto Metro, which have the most seats up for grabs in the election.

Absolute insanity. First of its kind, and I don't think something like this can happen again.

I remember being really worried the night of the election, as the results were coming in. In Canada, the results for the Maritimes usually come in first, and I thought that the liberals were going to lose as half of Nova Scotia, and Prince Edward Island went blue. The Maritimes are traditionally a liberal stronghold, and seeing the Liberals lag in those races was to me a very ominous sign. Despite all this, the Liberals did come back from this deficit, and secured a minority government.

A large part of the Liberal comeback is that the NDP got wiped in the actual election, so so many left-leaning NDP voters got so freaking scared of Pierre Poilievre that they abandoned their own party to strategically vote Liberal. While only 1 in 10 conservative voters ended up switching to a different party for this election (i.e getting worried about Pierre Poilievre's ties with Trump), 2 in 3 NDP voters showed up to vote for the Liberals instead of their party of choice. Something that American leftists can learn a thing or two from. Jagmeet Singh, the leader of the NDP lost his very own seat to this mass strategic voting mayhem.

Odds and Ends

There are a couple miscellaneous things this about this election that I want to mention.

First thing, Kitchener Centre

I am actually upset. This is one of the few riding that our small Green movement managed to gain, and this election, Mike Morrice lost his seat. The Green Party has only even won in 4 ridings, and they weren't able to hold this one, there are always losers in strategic voting.

Another riding that somehow the Green Party once held - Nanaimo-Ladysmith

Doesn't really look like it from the rankings though. This has the be the most stupid riding every federal election, as it is the only riding where there is a four way race. 35.2% is one of the lowest percentages the winning candidate won with this election. Last election it was worse - the winning candidate got only 29% of the votes in this horrible riding. 0/10 riding would redistrict again.

Finally Pierre Poilievre lost his seat in - Carleton

Absolutely the most optimistic result this election. Pierre got booted out of the house of commons. O Fanjoyous day! Callooh! Callay! The conservative leader is no more. Now as of writing this post, Pierre managed to guilt-trip one of his Conservative MPs into resigning, and he will be competing in a by-election in the district of Battle River-Crowfoot

Since Trudeau is now out of parliament, maybe he should run there for the by-election. It would be so funny to see Pierre lose twice. But I don't think there is any progressive candidate - even if we resurrected Tommy Douglas from the dead - that would beat Pierre Poilievre in this rural Alberta riding.

I saw a take on here preemptively complaining about anticipated complaints. Online discourse always hits the same few beats. And I will be here complaining about complaining about complaining. Specifically in Alberta, there is a common sentiment that “Conservative votes in Alberta are useless because the province is already right leaning and won’t make any difference.” which they were making fun of. However, what they ignored is that “Liberal votes in Alberta are useless because the conservatives are going to win anyway, so what’s the point” and “NDP voters don’t even need to worry about strategic voting since the conservatives will be winning more than 60% of the vote in the riding anyway” are both also valid sentiments. The only conclusion that I could come to is that voting in Alberta is pointless. Alberta is certainly one of the ten provinces.

The Next Few Years

I actually like that the liberals have a minority government. Particularly because it gives some negotiating power to the NDP and Bloc (The liberals usually don’t negotiate with the conservatives). The Bloc in particular have stated that they prefer the liberals winning over the conservatives winning, because the liberals are more receptive to negotiations and bargaining. A minority government also gives our left leaning NDP some negotiating power. The past few parliaments with a liberal minority government, the NDP were able to use their position to haggle for a few extra nickels worth of healthcare and benefits, which is nice. Their biggest win was getting dental coverage included in our health care system. I believe that a minority government means that the liberals would be held to greater accountability. And the Bloc and NDP could advocate for more services for ordinary Canadians.

However, despite all that, I am fundamentally disillusioned with the liberals at this point, particularly with Justin Trudeau’s attitude of addressing problems, marching in protests, then being clueless as to implementing solutions. He talks about issues as if he suffered from amnesia after the election and has forgotten that he is the Prime Minister. Even when he had a majority government, he was seen in the marches repeating the Canadian frustrations and agreeing with the demands for change, as if he didn’t have the power to write laws and whip his MPs into getting them passed. Trudeau was too much of an idealist, only hoping for better, and not enough of a practical thinker, able to write good laws that can achieve those goals. I feel that Trudeau represents the liberals well in this regard of talking big but failing to deliver.

I’ve adopted the belief that competence and experience are the best traits in a good leader from my observations of so so many world leaders of various politics both succeeding and fumbling. Which means that I am cautiously optimistic about Mark Carney as our new Prime Minister. Given his lengthy and credible resume, I think he has what it takes for Prime Minister. He also said during his victory speech that he would practice humility, which would make up for his weaknesses, though frankly anyone can say anything in those victory speeches.

It feels like that we have been living in the shadow of 1980s fiscal conservatism that took English democracies by storm, and nested in this shadow, we are also living in the echos of the 2008 recession, that I feel no country has really recovered from. I feel that all of the core problems that Canada face - a growing percent of our GDP being tied up in real estate, multinational companies using our broken immigration policies to exploit cheap foreign labour, and increasing living expenses while incomes remain stagnant - cannot really be solved easily or quickly. I don't have the solutions for any of these problems. And looking at our leaders - I don't think any of them do either. Despite his impressive track record, I don't think Carney will critically review and readjust many of our fundamental economic assumptions that lead us into this dark place as a country.

But time will tell. Worst case scenario - Carney pisses off both the Bloc and NDP and we get an early election. But given that the Liberals are continuing to decline in the polls - I don't think they, or any of the smaller parties wants this outcome.

Something else happened when I was writing this post - I got an unsolicited newspaper at the door. What might it be?

Far Right Canada, and Leftist Movements

Oh, It is a Conspiracy Paper. I looked a little into Druthers, media-bias/fact-check gives it a low factuality, and extreme right-wing rating. I could have also deduced that by reading the paper.

These are not all the pages. But it gives you a good idea what the paper is like.

Druthers reportedly sent 200 thousand copies of their newspaper to random homes all across Canada. Two Hundred Thousand! Anyone who has any experience in journalism knows how much of a logistical nightmare it is to pull this off.

For comparison, our local federal NDP meetup got a total attendance of 20 people, and the organizers were over the moon at this record-breaking amount of attendance, which is five-fold what they normally get.

Druthers is only less than five years old. In five short years, they grew this publication from infancy to now a nation-wide publication that gets seen by at least 200 thousand people. To say that leftists talk about organizing local movements is an understatement. That's all I've ever heard leftist talk about. Yet somehow, the NDP is struggling, the Green Party's last leadership race had 22 000 votes, and Druthers is on track to become Canada's main alt-right news source.

To all three of the Canadian leftists reading this, we're losing the media race. Never have we been this cooked, and when our unstable Liberal/Neoliberal economy inevitably fail, Canadians are going to flock to the right and not to the left. I'm only half decent at writing. I wish I was better, but alas I am not, and I lack the experience and expertise to start a rival newspaper.

Also I don't want this blog to be a politics blog. I've got more Math to talk about. At the end of the day, we need some counter to newspapers like this, and the right is already approaching the finish line, and the left barely put on their shoes.

Don't fail us Carney. Although I am fully prepared to be disappointed.

[lovesby]

untitled (thinly veiled rant), sby, march 2023

MAYBE i do fucking deserve to have a publicly broadcasted CNN mental breakdown • i mean a total fucking classic traditional meltdown on national television • call MSNBC call fox news i dont care someone get me on the air i want all of america to see me rip out all my hair and open my rib cage bone by bone the cartilage coming apart easily and • let the black shriveled up heart in my chest pathetically flop out like a tired sigh under my breath that i wouldnt elaborate on if i was even prompted to and  my lungs will pop from my fucking screaming and  my throat will be red and raw and bloody and • they'll recap it on NPR the next morning for all five people that still listen to AM radio on their commute and the BBC and the international circuit will have a field day with the clips. 

“american girl possessed on live prime time last night! great ratings honestly!”

and     it wont even matter who i am or what i feel because i’ll be american girl possessed on prime time 10/9 central ben shapiro or joe rogan or some other dipshit will make a point about the libs or something on their podcast and they'll make a tiktok audio that trends for three days from my dying breath and people will hit not interested and maybe it won't really do shit to change the algorithm feeding feeding feeding • and • they'll paint me over with a millenial gray paint they got from the home depot or lowe's.

ill be in the damn morgue so who even cares really because im dead so what do i have a say in it all and all that will be left of me are the people who i wasn't brave enough talk to because its my problem that i have problems apparently and  

they'll know all about the quote unquote real version of american girl from the nightly news and • what will be left of me is the she was so young and tears and whatnot not to put too fine a point on it but i won't even have the terrible terrible burden of wanting to know what they have to say anymore. 

it's passive. no plans.

[darkmaga-returns]

2/11 ASTROLABE LINKS:

BEAUTIFUL NATIONAL ANTHEM

FIXED THE HALFTIME SHOW

NOT LIKE US BY ALEX JONES

TAYLOR SWIFT BOOED

TRUMP CHEERED

US ARMY AD: STRONGER PEOPLE ARE HARDER TO KILL

GOD-TIER SCHIZO EDIT: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

PAUL SUDA WEEK 3 RECAP

ELON MAKES CNN SAY HARRY BOLZ

DANA WHITE ROASTS AUSSIE JOURNOS

TRUMP SAYS PRINCE HARRY IS "WHIPPED"

TRUMP ROASTS HUFFPO REPORTER

TRUMP ADMIN DEPUTIZING IRS AGENTS TO IMMIGRATION ENFORCEMENT

FBI TIPPED OFF CRIMINAL ALIENS OF INCOMING ICE RAID

TOM HOMAN SAYS DOJ WILL CRIMINALLY CHARGE FBI MOLE

NY COURT TO HEAR CASE ON WHETHER 800K ILLEGALS CAN VOTE IN NYC ELECTIONS

STEPHEN MILLER DOING WHAT HE LOVES BEST

TRUMP ON NEXT MOVE FOR DISMISSING FEDERAL EMPLOYEES

"TRAUMATIZED USAID WORKER WHO SURVIVED DOGE BLOODBATH"

GOVT WORKER WHINING ABOUT HAVING TO JUSTIFY HIS EXISTENCE TO 19YO DOGE EMPLOYEES

THE LEGAL BASIS FOR DOGE

SCOTT BESSENT INTERVIEW ON DOGE

ELON ON WHAT DOGE AND TREASURY HAVE JOINTLY AGREED

15 MIN DOGE FANFIC VIDEO

DEM CONGRESS LOSERS HARASSING SECURITY GUY

DEBUNKING NYT NARRATIVE ON DOGE

ANTONIO GRACIAS BREAKS DOWN TREASURY MONEY FLOWS

CHINESE HACKERS BREACHED TREASURY COMPUTER SYSTEMS

SOCIAL SECURITY DATABASE IS NOT DE-DEDUPLICATED

DEMS PROVIDED SSNS TO ILLEGALS

FEMA SENT $59M TO LUXURY HOTELS IN NYC TO HOUSE ILLEGALS

NYC PAYS $220M TO GOVT OF PAKISTAN TO HOUSE ILLEGALS IN ROOSEVELT HOTEL

BIDEN ADMIN LIED ABOUT FEMA FUNDS BEING DIVERTED TO ILLEGALS

ASSISTANT DHS SECRETARY SAYS THOSE WHO AUTHORIZED ILLEGAL PAYMENTS WILL BE FIRED AND HELD ACCOUNTABLE

FEMA'S CFO AND THREE OTHERS FIRED

DISTRICT COURTS GETTING INCREASINGLY DESPERATE

JUDGE ISSUES EMERGENCY ORDER HALTING DOGE ACCESS TO TREASURY PAYMENT SYSTEMS

LIBS JUDGE SHOPPING FOR INJUNCTIONS AGAINST DOGE

TREASURY PAYMENTS SYSTEM IS MANAGED BY UNVETTED CONTRACTORS

JUDGE OBSTRUCTING FEDERAL FUNDING FREEZE

MORE ON SAME JUDGE

TRUMP ADMIN STILL FREEZING FUNDS DESPITE COURT ORDERS

VANCE TWEET ON ILLEGITIMATE COURT ORDERS

ADRIAN VERMEULE TWEET RT'D BY VANCE

DC JUDGE ORDERS TRUMP TO RESTORE WEB PAGES RELATED TO SEX CHANGE OPS AND GENDER IDEOLOGY

USAID EMPLOYEES SAY TRUMP ADMIN NOT COMPLYING WITH JUDGE'S ORDER TO PREVENT IMMEDIATE DISMANTLING OF USAID

MIKE DAVIS AND STEVE BANNON ON THE ABOVE JUDGE

STEVE BANNON AS GROYPER

JUDGE BLOCKS FIRING OF ETHICS WATCHDOG

JUDGE ORDERS TRUMP TO RESTORE DEI FUNDING TO NIH

JUDGE BLOCKING FEDERAL FUNDING FREEZE HAS CONFLICT OF INTEREST

REP. JAMIE RASKIN'S WIFE VIOLATED STOCK ACT

CFPB HAS $700M SLUSH FUND

RUSS VOUGHT'S LETTER TO JAY POWELL RE: CFPB FUNDS

TRUMP ROASTING LIZ WARREN

SSA WAS SENDING REGULAR PAYMENTS OF ~$200K IN GRANTS TO UKRAINE

FEDERAL GAO FOUND $247B IN IMPROPER PAYMENTS IN 2022 ALONE

BIDEN'S #2 AT THE PENTAGON ARGUING WITH JON LEIBOWITZ

WHY ELON STARTED WITH USAID BEFORE PENTAGON + CURRENT TRAJECTORY OF CUTS

DOD PROVIDES SCHOOL LUNCHES

MAHA MOM ON TIKTOK DEMANDS TAX REFUND

TRUMP ON POTENTIALLY FRAUDULENT TREASURIES

TRUMP SIGNS EO PUTTING DOGE IN CHARGE OF FEDERAL DOWNSIZING

SEMAFOR LEAK ON INCOMING DOGE EO

[catch-me-hello]

I-Land, Episode 8: Heartbreak

Welcome back. When we left off, Ta-Ki and his team were about to crash and burn because they got stuck with the wrong BTS song. That is a sentence that makes perfect sense in the world of K-pop survival reality shows.

We start with a recap of the last episode, and here’s where we find out how all the teams are divided for the BTS Test. Future Enhypen members are highlighted.

We have to wait to see the Fake Love Team perform. We open on a sunny morning at the I-Land, where everyone is having breakfast.  K is in a better mood. Everyone agrees that the DNA Team is strong and has a good chance of winning. So we then cut to the DNA Team in rehearsal, where they’re struggling with the usual stuff – voices cracking, trying to decide who gets the best dance parts, etc. This may not be the team to beat after all.

The Fake Love Team is also rehearsing, but we saw this in the previous episode. They’re worried because the vocal parts are quite high, and we already know what happens at their midpoint check. It doesn’t help that Ta-Ki has never been a leader before and has no confidence.

A drawback of this episode is that it’s designed with the voting audience in mind. They do a lot of flashbacks for each finalist so the voters can remember who they are, so we wind up spending a pretty big chunk of time not really doing anything. Our trainees joke and goof off to show their playful sides and connect with the voters.

About eighteen minutes into the episode, we get some drama from K’s DNA Team. Ni-Ki has thrown an ad-libbed move into the choreo because he saw V do it in the original BTS video. K scolds him for not asking permission from the group first and demands to know if he thinks he’s a solo artist. “You only think about yourself!” he snaps.

This seems like an overreaction, especially since Ni-Ki had a solid reason for throwing in that move. Jay and Hanbin look uncomfortable. Ni-Ki storms out of the practice room. K calls him back for a private conversation in a dressing room with no cameras. But they’re still wearing their mics. K sounds like an angry dad, and Ni-Ki responds like a sullen teenage son. This is really uncomfortable to listen to.

We now cut to the midpoint evaluation with all three teams gathered in the big practice room. Son Sung Deuk asks how their rehearsals are going. He tells them he choreographed all three of these songs for BTS, which I find really impressive because each one has a different style. If he and BTS can adapt to these varied styles of dancing, then our finalists should also be able to do the same if they want to debut.

When the DNA Team performs for the midpoint check, we see that Ni-Ki isn’t doing V’s move anymore and is just sticking to the original choreo. Overall, I think the performance looks good, but Son Sung Deuk has a different opinion.

Next up is Ta-Ki’s Fake Love Team. Like we saw last time, Ta-Ki is out of sync with the others, and there’s nothing smooth about his movements. The choreo is supposed to dramatically flow, but when Ta-Ki does it, it’s all jerks and twists. Plus, no one on the team can hit the high notes. This is a disaster.

The evaluation ends without us getting to see the I Need U Team perform. Ta-Ki turns away and starts crying. His team tries to console him. I just want this show to cut him already and put him out of his misery.

We get some more audience voter fanservice as we cut to later that night, and the finalists share their experiences as trainees. This goes on for several minutes that I fast-forward through, and finally, we cut to D-Day. Let’s see the final performances!

The stage area lights up, and Namgoong Min appears on a screen in a snazzy white suite with purple shirt and tie. Perfect formal K-pop attire.

Back in the giant egg timer room, the Top 7 are instructed to turn in their badges. The rankings will very likely change after tonight. The one with the lowest score will be eliminated.

The DNA Team is up first: K, Ni-Ki, Jay, and Hanbin. The judges comment that K and Ni-Ki are two of the best dancers in the group of finalists, and they are now on the same team. The DNA Team walks through the gate to the stage, while the others remain with the giant egg timer to watch their performances on the screen. But first, we get another flashback. We need to learn if things were resolved between K and Ni-Ki. The DNA Team is doing another midpoint rehearsal with Son Sung Deuk, and this time, Ni-Ki throws in the ad-libbed move. After the run-through, our coach has Ni-Ki do his part alone, and he does the move again. K is not happy, judging by his scowl.

To my surprise, Son Sung Deuk isn’t happy either. He tells Ni-Ki to lose the move and asks the other team members if they knew he was doing that. They all stammer, so Son Sung Deuk goes back to scolding Ni-Ki. I wasn’t expecting this. The tests are now about individuality instead of teamwork. You’d think throwing in ad-libs to stand out would be encouraged, especially since this move comes from the original video.

Later that night, Ni-Ki again walks out of practice. K calls him to come back, but when Ni-Ki does return, he just can’t seem to focus. K stops the rehearsal and complains about how exhausting this has become. He’s especially harsh with Ni-Ki, who leaves and heads to the bathroom, where he can cry away from the cameras. When he doesn’t return, K goes looking for him.

Again, we only get the audio. K sort of apologizes but follows it with, “I really hope you can change.” I am so done with K at this point. I know Ni-Ki is being petulant, but K is not handling it well and is just escalating the bad energy.

Now we finally end the flashback. Time for the performance. It looks like each team gets backup dancers, which should give the choreo more energy. K tells the judges he and Ni-Ki have talked things out. Okay, I guess. Let’s just start this thing.

I really hate to admit this, but K is amazing. It’s hard to believe from watching this performance that he won’t make the final group. He’s a visual stunner as well as an incredible dancer. The whole group performs flawlessly, but K’s the one I can’t take my eyes off. Dammit.

The judges praise their performance, and the DNA Team waits for their score. Each individual can earn a score up to 100, so the team can get a score up to 400.

The DNA Team score is 287. Woah. Out of 400? Really? Now I’m really curious to see the individual scores. But we’re not going to see them yet. The DNA Team sits with the judges to watch the next two performances, and K puts his head down. He knows his team is in trouble.

Next up is Team I Need U, consisting of Jungwon, Geonu, Jake, and Daniel. We get a flashback of their rehearsal process. Basically, the problem is that they’re having trouble conveying the sorrow of the song through their performance. Will they resolve it by showtime? Let’s find out.

They definitely get the expressions down. I’m not as into this song or the performance as I was with the DNA Team, but I’ve learned that I don’t always see these stages through the same eyes at the judges. Honestly, I’d give this one a score of 287 and score the DNA Team higher.

Surprisingly, I got it right. Bang Si Hyuk tells them this performance was way below his expectation. He says that instead of conveying despair, the performance just felt scary to him. I thought it was more “meh” than scary, but I’ll hold off on any more comments until I see the team score.

Geonu doesn’t seem at all surprised by this feedback. He knows immediately that it was a bad performance. The other finalists comment to each other that he looks physically ill. He tells us in a voiceover that he missed several parts of the choreo. I’m a little worried about him. Let’s get this score posted so he can go sit down.

Team I Need U gets a score of 275. I’m surprised it wasn’t lower, but the judges say Jungwon gave a great performance. Team DNA is still in the lead for now.

Now it’s time for Team Fake Love, with Ta-Ki, Sunghoon, Sunoo, and Heeseung. After the disastrous rehearsals all week, this team is sweating bullets. We get a flashback. Ta-Ki is still moving too fast, and I think I see the problem.

I pull up the BTS music video for comparison. The original choreo flows like water. Even in the quick moves, there’s nothing sharp or jerky about the movements. They still flow. But Ta-Ki has been doing locking movements ever since he started dancing. He doesn’t know how to flow. And the more frustrated he gets, the sharper and jerkier his movements are. The quicksand has him and won’t let go.

After the painful-to-watch evaluation, Heeseung steps up to help Ta-Ki lead the team. Ta-Ki actually starts to get the flow. The performance stops being so jerky. They’re even hitting the high notes when singing.

My fingers and toes are all crossed for this performance.

It flows. It flows beautifully. The judges praise the performance and single out Heeseung, saying that he really showed them how good he is. Bang Si Hyuk says to him, “I feel proud of you.” Heeseung has been a trainee with Big Hit for three years. This has to be a triumph for him. Wonderkid says he was so mesmerized by the performance, he forgot to take notes, but I’m pretty sure any shiny object would have had the same effect on him.

Sunghoon and Sunoo also receive high praise from Bang Si Hyuk. But not poor Ta-Ki. He’s told that his performances vary from very good to very bad, with no consistency. Bang Si Hyuk tells him, “You can’t keep performing like this. You must do better. It was quite disappointing this time.” Ta-Ki looks crushed. This is so hard to watch.

Now for the team score. Team DNA is in first place with 287 points, and Team I Need U has 275 points. Team Fake Love gets … 306 points. Their entire team, including Ta-Ki, is safe from elimination.

Now the judges have to decide on the finalist to eliminate. With Ta-Ki safe, my guess is Geonu, who still looks like he needs ALL the Pepto-Bismol. In preparation for the new rankings, the finalists are told to pack all their things and gather in the giant egg timer room. (The announcer calls it the “lobby,” which is no fun.)

Once they’ve packed their things and left them in the “lobby,” the boys return to the stage for the new rankings. We’re starting with the Fake Love Team, since they are safe from elimination. The four of them step forward.

Sunoo’s score is 77, ranking at #5. He’s dropped from the Top Spot and will need to leave the swanky bedroom with the massage chair, but he still gets to wear a Top 7 badge.

Sunghoon’s score is 79, ranking at #3. He’s moved up one spot and gets the upgraded accommodations.

Heeseung’s score is … wow … 93. He ranks at #1 now, up two spots. Unlike his predecessor Sunoo, Heeseung is humble, saying he won’t get complacent with this score and will continue to work hard.

Now for Ta-Ki, and I’m dreading this. His score is 57. Oof. He’s dropped to 12th place, but because he’s on the winning team, the 11th-ranked finalist, whoever it is, will get eliminated in his place. This has to be agonizing for Ta-Ki. He looks miserable. At this point, after the humiliation of the past week and the public scolding from the judges, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s wishing he could just be eliminated instead. It’s hard to believe he goes on to do another survival reality show after this.

The Fake Love Team is dismissed to return to the I-Land. At least Ta-Ki won’t have to stay and look the 11th-ranked finalist in the eye. As they go through the gate, Ta-Ki’s teammates hug him when he breaks down. All he can say is that he feels terrible for the person who gets eliminated. When they get back to the lobby, he can’t even look at the screen. His heart and spirit are broken.

Back onstage, we’re now doing the rankings in order.

Jungwon ranks #2, with a score of 81. He’s up five spots.

K ranks #4, with a score of 78. He’s up one spot.

Jay ranks #6, with a score of 74. He stays at the same spot as before. That’s a little frustrating, but at least he remains in the Top 7.

Jake ranks #7, the last spot in the Top 7, with a score of 70. He’s moved up one spot. He’s overwhelmed and has to fight back tears before he can compose himself and return to the I-Land. He clearly thought he was being eliminated today.

Ni-Ki ranks #8, with a score of 69. He’s up one spot but still just out of reach of a Top 7 badge.

Hanbin ranks #9, with a score of 66. Our former last-ranked finalist has jumped three spots.

Daniel and Geonu are the last two left. One of them is being eliminated. I really think it’s going to be Geonu, and judging by the way he still looks physically sick, he thinks the same. Over at the I-Land, Ta-Ki isn’t looking much better.

The last survivor is Daniel. He ranks #10 with a score of 64. He’s dropped eight spots, but he’s still here.

I was worried Geonu might collapse, but now that it’s over, he’s starting to look a little better. No more uncertainty. He can go home now and sleep for several days. He’s calm and accepting about all this. Ta-Ki, on the other hand, is not okay.  Daniel hugs Geonu, who tells him, “It’s okay. Do your best.”

Of course, I did some research on Geonu, and this was not the end of the line for him in the K-pop industry. He went on to do two more survival reality shows and eventually debuted in a group called Just B, which later teamed up with a group called ATBO to create a project group called The Crew One.

In a weird side note, another member of Just B was eliminated I-Land contestant Jimin, who changed his name to Siwoo. In July 2024, Jimin/Siwoo was suspended from the group. Why? He was dating someone. I couldn’t find any other details, even on Reddit. And now I’m sad again. That’s K-pop in a nutshell. You look up an eliminated contestant, hoping for good news, and then you find the good news, only to get upset over something that happened to someone else. Rabbit holes were made for K-pop Google searches.

Back to I-Land. Geonu tells the sobbing Daniel, “You must debut,” before he officially leaves the show. I didn’t really like Geonu back in Episode 1, but I respect him now and am glad things eventually sort of worked out for him.

I am worried about Ta-Ki, though. After this awful week, if I were him, I would purposely screw up the next test and get myself eliminated. What time he has left on this show will be spent knowing that everyone knows he doesn’t deserve to be here.

This is where the episode ends, on a really down note. I recommend Xanax for all viewers for the rest of these episodes, because the heartbreak has just begun. Each test will bring another elimination. See you next episode.

[shivtomdivorce]

3 6 19 22 :-)

3. what were your top five books of the year?

surprisingly easy to choose these!! exordia - seth dickinson, martyr! - kaveh akbar, same as it ever was - claire lombardo, the bluest eye - toni morrison, and theres always this year - hanif abdurraqib

6. was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

yes!! i meant to do a stomlight archive reread before wind and truth released but i was not in the mood for long fantasy books and im still deciding if im going to do a full reread or just recaps

19. did you use your library?

yes so much i have a book spreadsheet bc i love data and lists and 68% of my reads were from the lib

22. what was the longest book you read?

the veiled throne - ken liu (also an amazing book that has one of my fav fantasy scenes ever) it was 1008 pages