#light everything inside of you
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Adar, Lord Father of the Uruk
Rings of Power, S2
🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️
I can't say I'd run when things get hard
It's just that I don't trust myself with my heart
But I've had to let it break a little more
'Cause they say that's what it's for
That's how the light shines in
That's how the light shines in
That's how the light gets in...
Kintsugi by Lana Del Rey
#my humble love letter to Adar and this loveliest fandom🧡🧡🧡#you told us you loved us#with all that is left of my heart#adar was a kintsugi of everything he had been through#and what kind of elven light was that he preserved inside that never went out and endured#adar#the rings of power#adar rings of power#rings of power#trop#Adar LDR coded series
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Random thought: the Pissing in the Shower official theme song should be Shower by Becky G but when you sing it you have to say “pissing in the shower” instead of “singing in the shower.” Chat what do we think
#you light me up inside like the Fourth of July#whenever you’re around I always seem to smile#and people ask my how but you’re the reason why I’m#dancing in the mirror and pissing in the shower#la da dee la da da la da daaaaaa#date everything#date everything!#date everything game#jean loo pissoir#johnny splash#jean loo x johnny splash#date everything pissing in the shower#Star’s Shitposts
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#ninjago confidential#ninjago prime empire#ninjago zane#yknow what take the entire transcript for the episode#(Ninjago city is shown in greyscale) Zane: (Narrating in a dramatic voice) Ninjago City. My city.#I know it like the insides of my own circuits. Which is why I know… it has a dark side. My best friends are trapped in an immersive video#game called Prime Empire.(Zane is revealed to have been narrating out loud.)Zane: Yeah#you heard that right. They're being held there by#villain named Unagami. But “Unagami” isn't his real name. It's as fake as a used car salesman's smile. His true identity is Milton Dyer#the computer programmer who designed Prime Empire. The only hope for them getting out of the digital world rests on finding Dyer in the real#world. My world. I was fishing for leads#but for now I find myself adrift on a sea of dead ends....#(P.I.X.A.L. steps out of the fog.)Zane: Then… She walked in.(The color returns to normal.)P.I.X.A.L.: There you are#Zane.Zane: She said#shining the only ray of light into my dreary world!P.I.X.A.L.: Who are you talking to? And why are you dressed like that?Zane: (Speaking#in his normal voice) Since we are engaged in detective work#tracking down a missing person#I have downloaded thousands of detective books#and movies as research.P.I.X.A.L: And that has to do with… hats?Zane: According to my analysis#100 percent of successful detectives wear#trench coats and hats while narrating their thoughts. Thus I have adopted the same methodology. P.I.X.A.L.: It seems improbable that hat#and overly descriptive monologues are significant factors in an investigative outcome.Zane: (Sighs.) I've tried everything else to no#success. This method has to work.P.I.X.A.L.: Well#okay I guess. I do have a new possible avenue of inquiry.Zane: (Dramatic voice) A lead!#P.I.X.A.L.: What?Zane:(normal voice.) Detectives call it a “lead.”P.I.X.A.L.: Okay#I have a “lead”. A source willing to share information#(Zane gets back into character and the colors go back to greyscale.)Zane: (Dramatic voice) Ah… So a “canary” wants to “sing?” Who is it?#(P.I.X.A.L. projects an image of a young Dyer and another figure.)P.I.X.A.L.: Remember this photo from Dyer's childhood home? I was able to#track his friend to Laughy's Karaoke Club. Perhaps he knows Dyer's whereabouts.Zane: So… A rumble on the street gave us a hot tip about a#okay im out of tags go watch the real episode
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the way that diff languages sound r so fascinating they're all different and all so vivid
#russian is like the surface of a feather like it's light but not exactly “soft” but still very delicate#german is . cute ? i think it's adorable . it has a lot of momentum it makes u wanna talk fast and talk a lot#like it's squishy . sleek surface w a soft inside#thai is like song . it's like interprative dance or maybe a trust-fall . everything follows from the previous thing#it feels like a little fairy flying up and letting itself fall and flying up again and so on (for fun). its so beautiful but also playful#mandarin chinese is like . idk why but it gives me the same vibe the concept of Observation does . like to read and to see and absorb#and then to translate that into smth else . like . imagine a poet people watching or an artist preparing a canvas w practiced hands. thats#the vibe. soft and elegant and musical but like...in a way that feels lived-in. arabic feels wise ? like music or poetry u read#and feel nothing about then years later u stumble on and it applies to everything in ur life. that kind of vibe. like it knows more than u#and itll make sure ur heart and soul grows as big as its lexicon . polish is like snowflakes falling . it has the feeling of complexity and#elegance but it's also so so light and slippery and...maybe not elusive but the feeling of losing a dance partner in a waltz ? like fun and#light but also an underlying elegance and somberness still . turkish is like the feeling when u get a text from ur crush#and your heart tightens and you cant tell if it's really painful or really amazing . it feels like unrequited love . or a caress#or making out with someone when you know its the last time you'll see them. its beautiful in a yearning longing way#korean is like joking around w ur friends and you've stayed up until like almost 5 AM and youre so delirious that everything is funny#and ur speaking kind of lightly and openly and everything you say holds a lot of weight and doesnt matter at all. you laugh at everything#and youre practically talking in inside jokes and watching the sunrise together . one of them hits u on the shoulder lovingly. ur by a fire#yoruba feels like the metatheory of the matatheory . abstraction until it circles back to intuition or maybe#it feels like plotting the route of a comet or maybe like the soft warm whirr of statistics. trying to verbalise beauty somehow#when you know the best thing you can show it is by telling everyone just look!! look at the sky just look!#anyway yh i think i could do this for every language ever tbh
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Fell back into my stranger things hyper fixation for the first time in three years and my brain immediately latched onto the idea of a scene of Mike and Will getting attacked by a spider creature from the upside down while on they're on their own and Mike killing it by going underneath and impaling the underbelly and he looks cool in the moment but then he immediately undoes that by saying he got the idea cuz he thought it looked like Shelob and just mimicked how Sam kills her to save Frodo in the two towers.
The rest of the scene is just them flirting by comparing each other to Sam and Frodo.
#stranger things#mike wheeler#will byers#byler#samfro mention#no cuz just imagine like#will: does that make you my sam?#mike whose been struggling with fears of inadequacy and the idea he isnt needed by the ppl he cares abt anymore: adgdsdfhfs yes mr frodo#and then mike internally thinks abt that one passage from the two towers where sams on watch while frodos asleep and talks about a light#inside frodo that brightens and dims over time with everything hes been through but never goes out#and hes like yeah yeah i get that now#(the passage ends w sam saying he loves frodo regardless teehee)
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↳ ꜰꜰxɪᴠ — ᴅᴇᴛᴀɪʟꜱ + ᴅʀᴀʜᴍ ᴋᴏʜʀ
ᴅʀᴀʜᴍ ᴋᴏʜʀ (ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴇᴄʜᴏ) ɪꜱ ᴀ ᴅʀᴀᴠᴀɴɪᴀɴ ᴡʏᴠᴇʀɴ ᴏꜰ ɴɪᴅʜᴏɢɢ'ꜱ ʙʀᴏᴏᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰᴏʀᴍᴇʀ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅʀᴀᴠᴀɴɪᴀɴ ʜᴏʀᴅᴇ, ꜱᴘɪʀɪᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ʙᴏɴᴅᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʀɪᴅᴇʀ ʀᴏᴜᴠᴀꜱᴛʀᴇ ᴅᴇ ʟᴇᴜᴠᴇᴄʜɪᴇʀ ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅʀᴀɢᴏɴꜱᴏɴɢ ᴡᴀʀ. ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜᴄᴄᴇꜱꜱᴏʀ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴏᴜʟ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴜɴᴡɪʟʟɪɴɢʟʏ ꜱᴜʙᴊᴜɢᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴅʀᴀɢᴏɴ ᴏꜱᴋʜ ꜱᴛʀᴀʜ, ꜱʜᴇ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪʟʟɪɴɢ ꜱᴏᴜʀᴄᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴅʀᴀɢᴏᴏɴ ᴀʙɪʟɪᴇꜱ ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴇᴘꜱ ᴏꜰ ꜰᴀɪᴛʜ. ꜱʜᴇ ᴡᴀꜱ ɪɴᴛᴇɢʀᴀʟ ᴀꜱ ᴀɪʀ ꜱᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀᴛᴛʟᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴅᴏᴍᴀ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇꜰᴇᴀᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀɪᴍᴀʟ ꜱʜɪɴʀʏᴜ ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀᴛᴛʟᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀʟᴀ ᴍʜɪɢᴏ, ꜱᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ ᴀɢᴀɪɴꜱᴛ ɪᴍᴘᴇʀɪᴀʟ ꜰᴏʀᴄᴇꜱ ᴀꜱ ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴀꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇꜱᴄᴜᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴀɢᴇɴᴛꜱ ʜɪᴇɴ ʀɪᴊɪɴ ᴀɴᴅ ʟʏꜱᴇ ʜᴇxᴛ ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰɪʀꜱᴛ ʙᴀᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʜɪᴍʟʏᴛ ᴅᴀʀᴋ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇꜰᴇᴀᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀɪᴍᴀʟ ʟᴜɴᴀʀ ʙᴀʜᴀᴍᴜᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴇᴍᴘᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴛᴇʟᴏᴘʜᴇʀᴏɪ ꜰᴏʀᴄᴇꜱ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴇʟᴘ ᴏꜰ ᴛɪᴀᴍᴀᴛ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀꜱꜱᴀᴜʟᴛ ᴏɴ ᴢᴏʟᴍ'ᴀᴋ, ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴡɪꜰᴛ ᴅɪꜱᴛʀɪʙᴜᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴜᴘᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴇʀɪᴀʟ ʀᴇᴄᴏɴɴᴀɪꜱꜱᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴏʀᴢᴇᴀɴ ᴀʟʟɪᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴀʀʟᴇᴍᴀʟᴅ ᴏꜰꜰᴇɴꜱɪᴠᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴡɪꜰᴛʟʏ ᴛʀᴀɴꜱᴘᴏʀᴛɪɴɢ ᴇꜱᴛɪɴɪᴇɴ ᴠᴀʀʟɪɴᴇᴀ�� ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴀʟᴅᴇɴᴀʀᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴀʀʟᴇᴍᴀʟᴅ ʙʏ ᴀɪʀ ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ɪɴꜰɪʟᴛʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ɢᴀʀʟᴇᴍᴀʟᴅ. ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴜʟᴛɪᴍᴀ ᴛʜᴜʟᴇ, ꜱʜᴇ ʜᴀꜱ ᴍᴇᴛᴀᴍᴏʀᴘʜᴏꜱᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴀɴ ᴀʟᴛᴇʀᴇᴅ ꜰᴏʀᴍ ᴏꜰ ᴀɴ ᴇʟᴅᴇʀ ᴡʏᴠᴇʀɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪꜱ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴀᴅᴀᴘᴛᴇᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴍᴀɴᴇᴜᴠᴇʀᴀʙɪʟɪᴛʏ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀɪʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴄᴏᴍꜰᴏʀᴛᴀʙʟʏ ᴄᴀʀʀʏ ᴀ ʀɪᴅᴇʀ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ʜᴇʀ ʙᴀᴄᴋ.
#FFXIV#FF14#Final Fantasy XIV#spoilers#major spoilers#Final Fantasy 14#ffxivedit#Warrior of Light#WoL#Dravanian#oc: rouvastre#long post#hello surprise loreset...........#anyways for the people I don't rant at in DMs.#Drahm Kohr is Rouvastre's best friend / combat ally for everything past Nid.hogg's death. She replaces the dragon inside their job stone#so if Rouvastre goes somewhere she can't follow (ie. Norv.randt) he has no DRG abilities and has to use smth else#They're emulating the pre-DSW dragoons and thus are dragon-and-rider in mutual support.#they have a magical bond that has them share most sensation.#in-game she's the wyvern mount - I use a Vedr.foldnir model swap + a custom colouring#she looks like the base wyvern until post-EW when she metamorphoses into an elder wyvern w/ physical features better suited#for carrying and working with a rider long-term!#during ShB when she's lonely and bored bc her favourite little guy is off dying in Norv.randt for half a year or w/e she flies Esti.nien#to Garlemald and back for smth to do and he's still the only other person who has ridden on her back other than Rouvastre#she's ex-Horde and lot of her and Rouvy's bond is learning to be people outside of the war despite how much it has shaped you.#I forgot to sleep alright good night
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everything abt the httyd remake feels like such a deep insult to the first film. Insulting animation as an artform, insulting the texture and lighting work that still holds up so so well. Insulting everything they put in to make it such a tightly written and skillful film. Like what could you improve with this scene, the amount of character you get from toothless here and seeing his thought process, fhe mix of accepting his fate, weariness and curiosity, you're just sucking the life and intention out of it for what. To see the dirt in between toothless's scales? Guess what you can already see that in the first movie. To flatten the lighting, remove all mood so you can see how good they modeled his new scales? Show you how real the mulch looks. Whatever. They do this all the time but this is personal (autism) you're being shown up by a film from 2010. She is eating you ALIVE. Even the other httyd films couldn't quite re-capture what they did with toothless in this first one, they remodeled him ever so slightly and he lost that edge of intelligent Animal, and became a Slightly more condensed version of himself now that his personality was established.
#i can see his tear duct i can see inside his nose i can see the where his#bigger scales thin out into softer ones#even the choice to make his eye colour such a loud green instead of the paler one#it's like yes that's an eye that's a HD eye texture i know i get it#it looks realer in the first shot. like everything else#like i was a dragon obsessed kid when this came out i was eating up every detail#you can see those subtle mottled patterns across toothless in certain light#when he's abt to attack stoic you can see the methane gas building in his throat first#for the sake of grounding these designs they incorporated Every detail you could ask for#literally the only thing that wasn't realistic is when toothless is stuck in the gorge and needs to rescue hiccup#and he clings to the edge of the caldera and his Claw the nail of his claw changes shape to be more hooked to get a better grip#that's it and we get why that happens for the scene it's good#DISCRETION. you need doscretion every shot can't be a vfx showcase#environmental lighting is always going to obscure some detail it's going to react differently it looks so fake because nothing is being#obscured or effected by their environment#the way the shadows react to toothles in the first shot gives such a good sense of his form. it makes it moody#it makes it feel colder and the shadows on his face help obscure his mouth making him harder to read. okay#can anypony hear me#what's wrong with you
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The Child || The Champion
#warframe#myposts#warframe lotus eaters#warframe operator#warframe drifter#operator anyu#drifter anyu#void twins#warframe captura#chewing on this dichotomy#the version of self that must be protected#it is potential embodied and has yet to bloom in the light of spring#the version of self that must sacrifice everything it's become to protect#what it was will scatter in the wind like leaves in fall to warm the roots#inside you there are two wolves
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river i really appreciate how your pfp lives up to your username and is also the only dick related pfp in my mutual circle that is him being tortured, it’s beautiful
hiiiiiiii kat <33333 ty so much ily ily ily 🥰🥰 i changed my pfp a year or so ago and genuinely did not notice how much it matched my username until you pointed this out just now, and it literally made my day. dick being gruesomely tortured and chained underwater and looking beautiful all the while is the exact vibe i’m going for
also. wHat. how. how am i the ONLY dick pfp in ur mutual circle that’s WILD 😭😭😭
#this is very unrelated but that post u made like two months ago about bruce looking at dick and being like#(i’m paraphrasing sorry i don’t remember exactly)#you are the very mirror that reflects all that is good inside my soul#you are everything i strove to be when i grew up as a child. you are all the good with none of the bad#because i am good because i have to make up for the fact that its me. i am good because i need to compensate for my bad#but you exist in an eternal state of light and hope and joy because you have no bad inside of you. there is nothing to make up for#the world just needs more of you#i see so much of myself in you. and you are nothing like me at all. and both those things make me more grateful than i could ever express#idk something along those lines anyway#it’s lived rent free in my head ever since you posted it#i started writing a little ficlet and didn’t finish it but i wanted u to know that#ur posts really do make my day they make my brain go brrrrrrrrrrrrr
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Clear shot
#One of those things that seemed way cooler in my head then in reality#especially since I redid the background so many times in so many themes that I hate everything and just did whatever the hell this is#But it was fun to play with the light colors at least#It's weird putting her inside#Anyway she might be killing a lover or she might be defending an attack that happened while she's not dressed properly you decide!#also I hope someday I can make a face look like a face#she'll kill you if you look too long#lotro oc#my art#nimardril#archer
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Part of the reason i like captain kirk as a character is that he will put everything on the line on the CHANCE that something can be done. He's always thinking that there has to be a way, and if not they'll create one. He's also so feelings-oriented and will fall back on his hunches when needed and his hunches are in fact treated as something sacred. I'm the same way in every regard and it's something i've always been criticized heavily for (I've constantly been told that i don't think things through and i'm chastised for being reckless). But that's how captain kirk is and he's treated as if that's his own unique genius. He's respected for it and we can see how if he weren't to take the risks that he does then they'd all be doomed in so many situations. This isnt really well written but im just thinking out loud here... ok... End post
#I feel like im being represented. Thats what it is#Society is so rational and utilitarian. And ive personally seen way more characters in media who meet this criteria#Who are treated like geniuses and are valued for it#While relying primarily on your feelings is denigrated#But spock is the character in this show who is logical in this way and his over-reliance on it is seen as a hindrance#Hes respected and valued for his talents but the show pokes fun at him a lot because he is so at war with his own self#And he thinks hes better than everyone else for it#For example. Im healing my trauma at the root#Society tells you over and over that it's impossible and that once you have ptsd you have it for life#But i said. NOOOOOO WAYYYYYY#And I spent years doing everything i could and seeking out knowledge and trying to understand the problem from the inside#In order to find a way. And for a long period of time i had no idea if there was a way out or not but i kept trying anyway#Bc i was certain there was a way#And i put everything on the line in order to do it#I had a captain kirk moment idk.#I just do shit. Always have. I can be reckless at times. But i eat life whole#captain kirk is the first time ive ever seen that shown in a positive light#You can throw all the logic at him you can that its not gonna work and hes like... No.... No theres a way...#And then they all find one.#Of course this can be confused with magical thinking. I used to have a lot of magical thinking. Where my child mind thought#that something was gonna work but it couldnt actually work#I think theres a difference
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the one thing i really miss is how there was a fan run dsmp wiki where they live updated during lore everything that was happening and interwove all the povs. That shit was the only reason I could understand what had happened
#i distinctly remember despairing when i found out the ls wiki was just who was in the server and like actually nothing else#i really feel you new members joining ls s6#the threshold for understanding lifesteal is not only way higher bc s5 but s4 alone was like three times longer than all of dsmp#it is absolutely worth it though#also omg i just realized i went “binging dsmp isnt even that hard” as if it wasn't like 100 hours.#and like binging a season of tv is sooooo light work. like 9 hours? bro that's not even a long zam vod#my perception of content consumption is so skewed omg#but if you never watch everything it really isnt the end of the world you just maybe dont get the full story behind some inside jokes#but you'll be able to gather the gist just by watching the current stuff#but also the number of lore heavy vods in any season i'd say is like 50 hours max. like there's a lot of setup and small convos that matter#but in terms of conversations that moved the lore forward it's not that many
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I can't do much productively during the heat wave/health issue flare up/etc. like work on my games or anything where I have to sit at the computer/type for long periods of time, BUT.. I did passively sculpt a few tiny foods lol. I wanted to do one of my bigger usual sculptures, but those take so much more time and concentration, I thought something small just to keep my hands busy would be better.. close up photos look kind of weird and blurry from my camera settings or something, but overall they came out okay, especially in person.. Nearly the only reason I ever wanted to buy dolls as a kid was to get my hands on the miniature foods and plates and stuff that came with them, I've always just been obsessed with small versions of things like that, so.. why not make some! lol
#sculpture#ooops.. i could have posted this on the art blog but I forgor and do not feel like reuploading everything#into a new drafted post on a whole other blog.. not in this heat.. i have no patience lol#items are: tomato. asparagus. a four leaf clover (not food lol). some sort of folded bun or dumpling with meat inside (not based on#anything specific. I just wanted to fold a flat sheet of clay into a shape). pomegranate. cheese wheel. lemon slice. some sort of mushroom.#fish (not a real one. just made up. if it looks like any specific fish that'd be interesting). and fig.#I haven't been able to get many avocaodo pits to carve again. so sculpting. then is good for a tiny craft#WISH I COULD DO COSTUMES OR SOMETHING.. i have some pikced out. bundles of clothes laying on the floor of the closet#but GODS even before the heat wave it's just been so warm.. I know.. it's the summer. of course it's warm#but WHYYYyy............. what if it just snowed all year around and was awesome and beautiful and i was so cold and could wear 25 blankets#at all times.. what about THAT hmm?? .. the ideal..#anyway.. my favorite is the pomegranate and the mushroom maybe#The fig is hard because in the pictures of figs I googled a lot of them have that sort of white powdery type of thing on the outside#that grapes and plums and stuff have sometimes and it's hard to convey that weird like.. sheen.. plus the purple with almost powdery blue#and little lighter specks plus streaks of light green and a little orangey on some of them.#It's okay in person I think but this doesnt show up as much in pictures. The cheese also looks betterin person than images. you can't tell#the slight shine in the pictures lol. but the pomegranates look cool and also photograph decent.. hmm#I should have made toast with an egg on it or something. that would be a nice addition#OH ALSO ASPARAGUS MY BELOVED.. though they look a little wonky. the cuticle pusher tool that I sculpt with in leiu of any actual sculpting#tools has a kind of triangle edge that was suite for the little leaf details of the asparagus so that was cool. its like..ALMOST right lol
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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#my coworker from a couple jobs ago came over today to help fix some things at the house#and he just ripped through tasks#fixed my dryer fixed some of the lights inside and outside#he took apart a ceiling fan to fix he took parts of it home to see if he has the parts to fix it#he wants to fix the fan in the bathroom and then fix the other smoke detector one of which he’s already replaced#he wants to trim some of my plants and help with my fence and gate#like he’s nonstop#he’s truly the loml if he wasn’t married and maybe 20 years younger I would marry this man#last time he brought me 30 pounds of Chinese veggies and a bottle of tequila#and he brought special shoes to walk in my house with to fix things to keep everything clean#they are Y2K level orange bedazzled Chinese slippers that he wants to keep here when he works on the house#he is the best man I don’t know what I would do without him#he comes over gives me stuff fixes things and then leaves#like#also he saw my headphones laying on the bookcase and was like !!!! you have headphones for singing?#i was like ??? what? and he said can I use them?#of course#he put them on and sang a song on his karaoke app while he fixed things#he was so happy#like he’s an angel#goddddddd!!!!!
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im hyped up on caffeine rn i almost couldn't copy and paste KAHJDG ♡
i forgive you for the caffeine intake but your body wont - sam, 2025 -- @huijarii
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙰𝚂𝙺𝙴𝙳 𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙾𝚄𝚃 𝙵𝙸𝚁𝚂𝚃?: Wellllllllll, if we mean ''out'' not in the sense of a date, that's gonna have to be Sampo. I mean he invited Kaeya to dinner out someplace else so-
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝚆𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝙸𝙽 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙵𝙸𝚁𝚂𝚃 𝙺𝙸𝚂𝚂?: Both. And hear me out on this because we have a thread that explains this- Sampo gave Kaeya the confirmation necessary (eyes going to his lips and then back to his eyes again), Kaeya leaned in to kiss the corner of his mouth, and then they just kind of... both leaned into it. Mutual first kiss, imo.
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙶𝙸𝚅𝙴𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝙽𝙸𝙲𝙺𝙽𝙰𝙼𝙴𝚂?: Extensively and often? Kaeya. He has 100% sleepily called Sampo ''sampipipo'' once. Also, still sleepily, add 'spo, 'mpo and po to the list of names.
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙲𝙾𝙾𝙺𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙼𝙴𝙰𝙻𝚂?: Kaeya!!!!!!!!!!!! He loves cooking as it's direct instructions with some occasional creativity mixed in. Pretty sure he's spoiling Sampo with very good food and also amusing him when some failures happen.
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙷𝙰𝚂 𝙱𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚃𝙰𝚂𝚃𝙴 𝙸𝙽 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙸𝙲?: I feel like Kaeya would have a mode modern one in terms of that, but he's ''educating'' Sampo by leaving Spotystarfy open on his phone to get some music going while he cooks or does stuff.
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙷𝙾𝙶𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙴𝙳?: Kaeya. Sampo would 100% wake up with his favorite Enigma sprawled half on top of him and entangled in his hair.
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝚆𝙰𝙺𝙴𝚂 𝚄𝙿 𝙵𝙸𝚁𝚂𝚃?: Very probably Kaeya again due to making breakfast.
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙼𝙰𝙺𝙴𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙲𝙾𝙵𝙵𝙴𝙴?: Kaeya. And he's scarily good at getting how Sampo takes his coffee, if he has a way to have it.
𝚆𝙷𝙾'𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙸𝙶 𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙾𝙽?: Sampo, probably. Tho, they prefer to cuddle chest to chest for reasons.
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝚄𝙿 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙻𝙰𝚃𝙴𝚂𝚃?: Kaeya. I feel like, in the earliest stages of their ?ship, unless he sought him out, Sampo would have witnessed Kaeya working on the abandoned attractions until genuinely exhausted and incoherent. Nowadays, they have a pretty stable kind-of routine and Kaeya has an excellent sleep snuggled to him <3
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙲𝙷𝙴𝚂 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝚆𝙷𝙾'𝚂 𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙳?: Sampo reaches for Kaeya's hand. The Enigma has planted something in the soil of a flowerbed, but even after following the instructions on the seed package, nothing has bloomed. Maybe it's a bad day, but Kaeya is unreasonably, quietly distraught that nothing has sprouted despite his efforts. Sampo reassures him that it's normal for this to happen, sometimes- we can tic all the boxes of the right things to do, but something can still go wrong and not bear fruit. Kaeya calms down at hearing this, and doesn't let go of his hand until he pulls away first.
𝚆𝙷𝙾'𝚂 𝙰 𝙵𝙰𝙽 𝙾𝙵 𝙿𝙳𝙰?: Both. Kaeya finds Sampo unreasonably good and warm to cuddle, and would Sampo say no to cuddles and kisses rom an handsome man with a pretty eye? Both win in this!!!!!!!!
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝚂𝙽𝙾𝚁𝙴𝚂?: Feel like Sampo eventually would, but if not none of them do.
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙶𝙴𝚃𝚂 𝙰𝙽𝙽𝙾𝚈𝙴𝙳 𝙼𝙾𝚁𝙴 𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙸𝙻𝚈? Kaeya. By exploring his emotions, I feel that he'd be more prone to feel annoyed at certaint things, not necessarily done by Sampo or focused on him.
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙸𝙽𝙸𝚃𝙸𝙰𝚃𝙴𝚂 𝚂𝙴𝚇? After discussing this with you: Sampo. Kaeya likes it because it feels good, and the comfortability in intimacy after their first time is here like a giant, LED illuminated billboard KSJSJFJD plus feelings involved...
𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙰𝚂𝙺𝚂 𝚆𝙷𝙾 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙸𝚁 𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙸𝙽 𝙼𝙰𝚁𝚁𝙸𝙰𝙶𝙴?: (SPITS MY COFFEE) (THE COFFEE GOES INTO MY LAPPIE AND INFECTS IT) (THE MILLENNIUM BUG CATCHES UP TO ME AND PREVENTS ME FROM ANSWERING)
𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴'𝚂 𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴 𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙾𝚁𝚈 𝙾𝙵 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁𝚂: Struggling to pick between Sampo offering Kaeya his first, genuine smile or the green pendant as a birthday present. I'm considering having Kaeya wear it wrapped around his wrist to be able to slip the ''emerald'' in his palm from time to time. Unconventional way to wear a pendant but-
𝙰 𝚁𝙴𝙶𝚁𝙴𝚃 𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴 𝙷𝙰𝚂 𝚁𝙴𝙶𝙰𝚁𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁𝚂: Probably the fact that he's a walking Truth waiting to happen. They're both realizing a lot of things as they stay together, and it causes Sampo distress and to pull away when it becomes unbearable for him to stare in the mirror that is Kaeya.
𝙸𝙵 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈 𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙴 𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶: He would have made Sampo a drink sooner! Feels like this is a talent Kaeya has they haven't discussed about yet-
𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙸𝚁 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴 𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙶𝚄𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚂 𝙰𝙲𝙲𝙾𝚁𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚃𝙾 𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴: Words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service :B
#huijarii#hey..... hye .#Meet my eyes; Insider. Tired of making excuses aren't you? In a room without light it's an one man's show; ━ ( H:SR V. / huijarii )#riddle me this; is everything that you remember real and nothing but the pure truth? ━ (H:SR V.)
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