#like. i'm aro and apl but i'm not ace

[schadenfreudich]

When and why did people start using aroace when they actually mean aspec? Why take a perfectly inclusive term and make it less inclusive? And then force all non-aro aces and non-ace aros into the label of aroace and just fucking ignore them? Not to mention all other aspecs that aren't romantic or sexual. Because so many people seem to forget that exists. And not all of those are aro and/or ace.

[wildandmoody]

It's honestly always been this way and some ppl may already know this but as much as i like to oogle at men behind my screen and think about how hot guys are I can never actually picture myself being with guys in any capacity. I used to joke that the only way I'd ever date is in a last-ditch effort to find a person to live with that I tolerate and like enough to move away from my family but I won't even entertain that because i can't picture any gay guy genuinely liking me enough to do that and I'd rather kill myself than pretend to be a straight girl for some cishet guy, or be with/around a cis guy who lowkey just sees me as a weird girl anyway. And no I don't like the idea of living with friends either.

[your-bigender-big-brother]

It's Aplatonic Visibility Day! 💜💙💚💛

What is Aplatonic?

Aplatonic is an identity on the anattractional spectrum (aspec) that describes a lack of platonic attraction. The aplatonic spectrum is known as aplspec and apl- is pronounced like "apple."

Platonic refers to a tertiary form of attraction where one desires to form friendships (platonic relationships.) A platonic crush is known as a squish and a friend is the person who is in a platonic relationship.

Some folks may feel fluctuating platonic attraction while others may feel very diminished levels of platonic attraction. Some may be entirely repulsed by platonic relationships while others may simply not wish to pursue platonic relationships. All types of identities you see in the aspec community - gray, fray, litho, demi, cupio, aego, apothi, orchid, neuro - are experiences you may see in the aplatonic community. Like all other orientations, this is a flexible and varied label, and people will use it in a variety of ways.

This is not a term exclusive to the aro/ace community. Many folks may be aplatonic but feel attraction in other aspects.

Click here to see a very informative website all about the aplatonic identity and all the terms that fall under it.

Some blogs to follow:

@aplatonicism

@our-aplatonic-experience

@aplatonic-stuff

@apls-to-apls

@aro-apl-safeplace-for-all

@aroapl

@aroaplandchill

@aplatonic-culture-is

@aplatonicsafespace

@aplatonic-alpaca

I'm also aplatonic! I'm open to answering questions about it. I'm not out to many people (definitely no one outside of the internet) and I'm still exploring this aspect of me, so there are a lot of details I'm not sure how to explain yet. I talk a lot about my experiences under the "aplatonic" tag on my main, @stormy-talks.

- 💙💚

[drowninginredink]

(╹ -╹)? so what would your suggestions for writing an aplatonic character be?

Hmm... Okay well, maybe this is a bad point to start off on, because it involves me making an assumption about whoever is reading this, but I'm going to start with it anyway because it's what I thought about first. I figure that if you're asking this question, there's a pretty high chance you're some flavor of aspec. I think alloplatonic aces and/or aros are the ones most likely to want to give other aspecs representation. And if that is the case and you are somewhere on the a-spectrum, the biggest thing I can say is that if you ask me, all aspec experiences are the same. Like yes, the way society treats romance, sex, friendship, family, etc are all different and so being aro, ace, apl, afam, etc are all different, but so many of the basic experiences repeat.

You hear a lot of aces and aros talk about how they either picked someone at random to say was their crush as a kid, or they just picked the person who seemed nicest. They weren't aware that other people didn't choose one by some method, they had actual feelings for them they couldn't control. Similarly, when I ended up in different classes and a different lunch than all my friends in school and quickly discovered that if I didn't want to have lunch alone, I needed to make new friends, what did I do? I found a person who had a lot in common with me (at the time, being very good at school and coming from a conservative Christian background) and went "yeah, I should probably try and be her friend." There was absolutely no emotional desire—it was just logic.

And a lot of this applies to all queer identities, honestly. How many stories do we hear about someone coming out as bi, and their mom says "oh, I just thought everyone was interested in girls and boys?" We all just assume that our experiences are normal. So just as a trans person might have assumed that everyone feel disconnected from their bodies or an aromantic might assume that crushes are exaggerated to create drama in media, an aplatonic might assume that everyone only really cares about their friends when they're there and doesn't miss them when they're gone. They probably aren't going to understand why some people are so reluctant to try new things if they don't know anyone there, because to them, whether they're surrounded by strangers or friends doesn't make much difference. Etc.

So that's one thing I'll say. You can very much take your own experience of what queerness is like and map it onto the norms about friendship.

I think one thing that is important to mention is that if we are comparing to other aspec experiences, you'll see a lot of narratives, both in fiction and real life, where aro and ace characters have never been in those kinds of relationships because they never wanted them. That's almost impossible to have as an aplatonic. Even if you were the kid who was ostracized for one reason or another, there's always that one exception. People will try to adopt people who have no friends. People will declare themselves your friend even if you just see them as "that person I carpool with to rehearsal and talk to sometimes." It is almost never socially acceptable to say "no, actually I don't want to be friends." If you're a child, you'll often get punished for it; if you're an adult, you usually have to nod along to whatever they say and pretend to care and hope that eventually they notice that you'd prefer to be left alone. Obviously aplatonics with friends and who like having friends exist (hell, I'm one) but even those who don't tend to have someone just because it is extremely hard to be completely left alone if you participate in anything at all. And even if we might not consider the people we do hobbies with or talk to sometimes friends, that doesn't always go both ways.

And of course, you do need some kind of support network in the world. If you're alloromantic, aplatonic, and monogamous, you might want your partner to be the person who meets all of your needs and is everything for you... but that might not be practical. They might not like that. And if you're not in that kind of relationship, you may end up having friends for utility. It's easier to find a sexual partner if you can go along with also being their friend. Again, you might want someone to talk to about a hobby or shared interest, and in order to get that, you also have to perform the role of friendship.

The whole idea of friendship needing to have a purpose or reason or place is a big thing to me. Like, as a kid, I didn't make any friends in my dance classes for years, and I didn't care because in my eyes, I wasn't there for socialization, I was there because I liked to dance. So who cares? But meanwhile, at lunch in school? Friends have a purpose at lunch. You need a place to sit, and you need something to entertain you while you eat. So finding people to be with at lunch is important. Recess is the same way. At work? I have absolutely no interest in being friends with my coworkers. I'm at work to do work. Even if I have downtime, I still generally want to spend it on some other kind of "work" like writing. If I want to friend, that's a separate activity. I friend in my free time.

So to me, being aplatonic means I think about people's specific roles in my life and what they fill, instead of just the vague idea of friendship and that I like having people around. One friend is useful as a writing partner who I do writing sprints with. Another is nice because they're in a different time zone, so they're often awake and around during the part of work where I get bored and all my friends are asleep. Another has known me through all my mental health struggles and is generally a great listener, so they're useful to talk to about that stuff because they already have all the necessary context and immediately understand things. And yeah, as I mentioned before, another is just a really good lay, but we aren't going to only screw for twelve hours straight, so friendship does happen in the breaks in between.

And a final note — being aplatonic means I really don't mind leaving people behind. If someone moves away? I enjoyed them while it lasted, but I'm not going to be super inclined to keep things going. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. A play I'm in ends, so I won't be seeing that group of people every day anymore? Even though I really enjoyed working with them, I'm not going to mind or miss them especially. If someone actively ends a friendship with me? Well that's different. That's a form of rejection, and could be the result of me hurting them in some way or an argument that went badly. All of that is going to sting, if nothing else, because it's a form of failure. I did something wrong. But if circumstances change or we just grow apart? I'm not going to mind.

I've said this before, but that's the aplatonic story I'd really like to see. So many stories are about people who go on some big quest or adventure, and in the process it ends up creating these strong unbreakable bonds between them. They're closer than brothers now. They will never be separated again. You can see that everywhere from Lord of the Rings to Shrek and Donkey. I want to see the story where the group gets along well and they accomplish everything they set out to do, but at the end they all go their separate ways again. There aren't any hard feelings. If they run into each other again in their travels, they'll greet each other happily. They wouldn't mind working together again. But they aren't trying to stay together or stay in touch, either. It happened, and now it's over, and they're more than happy to move on.

... Shit that was long. Well I hope it was helpful!

[the-indigo-symphony]

Griping again. Sometimes I feel like aplaphobic aspecs have a "well you just don't get it" attitude when it comes to friendship, like if we could just feel platonic attraction we'd agree with their recreated relationship hierarchy where friendship is at the top and it's expected for everyone to have and immensely value friends and it's not a big deal to estrange all other forms of aspec folk other than ace and aro from the community and acting like all criticism of the shit apl people face is so silly and unnecessary and yadda yadda, all that shit. Like no, I'm demiplatonic, I have felt what you're feeling, I've gone so far as to consider asking my bestie to platonically marry me – that doesn't change how these things are Not Great™. Whatever you're basing this superiority complex on is flawed and you should quit it right now

[our-aplatonic-experience]

being aplatonic and alloromantic makes me feel like an enemy spy in aspec spaces. yeah i probably would love my romantic partner more than my friends. i'm the aro boogeyman

i love the idea of the all-in-one relationship despite the condemnation of it. i know why it's advised against but i have a chronically low social battery so the prospect of someone who fulfills both the romantic and platonic role is perfect for me. i simply don't have the bandwidth for a partner and friends. plus i have a huge close-knit family so it's not like my partner would be my only support network

on top of all this, i'm also asexual. the apl, ace, and alloro combo isn't something i've ever seen outside of myself. i know to most people it's strange but it's the way i'm built. it's what feels natural for me

i've done a lot of questioning to understand myself. but no one else understands

.

[aceofenbies]

amatonormativity does not mean "the idea that alloromantic is the norm"

and allonormativity does not mean "the idea that allosexual is the norm"

this weird idea that amato- is "only for aros" and allo- is "only for aces" is just plain fucking wrong like

allonormativity covers all alloness as the supposed norm, allosexuality, alloromanticism, alloplatonicism and other ways of being allo, allonormativity says that there's a "normal" amount of (romantic/sexual/platonic/etc) attraction people experience, and everyone who experiences less than that (i.e. aspecs) is abnormal

amatonormativity covers allonormativity in both the romantic and sexual sense, but it's also way more than that: it's the idea that having a romantic-sexual relationship (with attraction) with exactly one person is the norm, especially if they follow the traditional relationship escalator

aces are affected by amatonormativity even if alloromantic because we experience little to no sexual attraction to our romantic partners and/or have sexless relationships, and those relationships are seen as "not real relationships" because sex is considered part of romance

aros (and all other aspecs) are affected by allonormativity because we experience less attraction than what is considered "normal"

allonormativity is specific to aspecs

amatonormativity can potentially disadvantage anyone who doesn't follow the traditional relationship path, but disproportionately affects polyamorous people, aros & aces

sexnormativity is the idea that sex, sexual desire, libido and sexual attraction are universal parts of the human experience, it overlaps with amatonormativity when the sexual component of the romantisexual relationship is missing/different/"less than", it also overlaps with allonormativity in terms of sexual attraction, it's not exclusive to aces though as it also affects allosexuals with low libidos, who choose not to have sex etc. it's a shame that this term isn't used much anymore and people just say "allonormativity" instead when they both mean different things and are both wider than just allosexual normativity

platonormativity is the idea that having/wanting friends and experiencing platonic attraction is the norm, it overlaps with allonormativity in the way it affects apls, but it's not exclusive to apls as it also affects alloplatonics who don't have friends or struggle with friendship for whatever reason

hope this helps because i'm tired of seeing people use these terms in narrower ways than intended and erasing a whole bunch of people affected

[brightside-brigade]

★☆~Welcome to the Brightside Brigade!!! This blog is run by the host of the system, though a few others occasionally post. If you want to read more about the system and it's members, click the post linked after the intro and byf stuff!~☆★

★ psst. Seen us posted on a cringe sub or site? Let us know, so we can add to... the "rent free" Tally! ★

🎉Rent free Tally 🎉 [/]

Hiya!! My name is Jack, but you can call me Bright or Brighteyes! I'm a Dr Bright fictive and this is my blog! I post just about anything here, various interests, stuff about my alterhumanity or our system, shit post, and all around just be me! (《Please note I have autism, anxiety, and depression! So if my posts are ever erratic or sound off, that's why! There may also be slumps in posting! Thank you for understanding 》)

I'm bodily 22, and transmasc, plus neo/xeno hoarder. My pronouns are he/him, they/them, nya/nyas, and... probably more neos to come!

I'm arospec due to autism (not feeling/understanding emotions the same way an NT being might), and omnisexual with a masc lean. I'm currently in an in-sys relationship and I'm uncertain about adding anything external at the moment! However, playful flirting is allowed via anons so long as you're also 18+. I'm a grown ass man.

I love my source, mascot horror and analog Horror, or digital horror, resident Evil, and horror in general! Especially things like Welcome Home! Non horror things I love include pokemon, minecraft, Steven Universe, mlp and more!! I also like toys, such as lps and plushies! I hoard both. I like to draw and make bracelets! But I'm not the best at them, the knots are hard to tie. ^^"

I'm also a furry and age regressor. My agere blog will be linked below as well.

I'm alterhuman!!! Both physiologically and spiritually, and possibly physically as a way of fully rejecting this body I'm stuffed in. That's right, Dr Bright is also... a creatures. A certified #1 Critterboy

My ID's for that are as follows:

🦂 Las Plagas (think the fanart you see of infected Leon, one of those bad boys.)

🐈 a Cheshire cat (as in the species, not the character)

🍂 an unknown (for now) forest entity

💞 I also feel strong connections with wild canids, deer, not-deer and not-animal cryptids, dragons, demons, and angels! 💞

Stances:

Pro lgbtqia+

Pro mspec identites

Aro, ace, and apl spec belong in LGBTQIA+

Pro slur reclamation

Pro mogai, liom, ect. This includes xenogenders and neo pronouns

Pro endo and all system origins

Knows there's no such thing as a "bad person disorder"

Supports Pro recovery and anti-c paras

Believes in and supports survivors of RAMCOA, TBMC, OEA, programmed systems, ect.

Alters don't need to separate from, apologize for, or denounce their source, or their actions in source

Radqueer apathetic (burned out from discourse), VIOLENTLY ANTI XENOSATANIST, BASED/LACED QUEER, ECT.

YKINMKATO

supports all non human identites, including physical, p-shifters, and CLCZs

Thought crimes don't exist

You can enjoy media with problematic themes. You don't need to "acknowledge" or "enjoy it critically,"

Shipcourse is fucking stupid.

I don't give a shit what someone does or enjoys within a fictional setting

DNI:

Basic DNI

Terfs, swerfs, radfems, gender crit, transmed, ect

Any form of ageplay or sexualized age regression

IRL nsfw blogs

Don't believe in or follow our stances if you're going to start shit (IE: sysmeds, ect)

Pro-c or neu-c harmful paras (you deserve to rot)

if your blog is heavily discourse centered

Anti agere/petre

Anti alterhumanity

Believe in narcissistic abuse or demonize personality disorders in general

Harm beings that cannot or do not consent in any capacity

☆ do not refer to Jack by Elias or any other rewrite name. He is not them, they are not him, and he has no intention of source/name separation. If this bothers or upsets you, block this blog.

Warning: This blog will mostly be discourse free, but Jack Bites Back™️ and will go after those who Start shit on positivity posts or make posts defending groups or identites his friends are or are a part of.

Have a question or want clarification about the above? Just ask! ^_^

vvv LINKS vvv

System intro post:

Jacks age regression blog:

~more to come~

[aspdculture-is]

Apl+Aro+Ace ASPD is everyone your close with having their own very specific emotions tied to them that are super hard to explain without most people treating you like an asshole because you happen to say "I don't actually like my friends as friends" or "I don't really love my partner" and ignore everything else you say

Please just LISTEN TO MY EXPLANATION. I am not saying I'm lying to any of them, they all KNOW this stuff man 😭

ASPD Culture is

[skyedancer2006]

Apologies if this is an odd question, but what is aplatonic (and there's another term but idk what its fully called?? Allo??)

I dont know what those mean but I'm interested into knowing more if its okay with yall

Not a weird question dw! It’s Aplatonic Visibility Day today so it’s the perfect time to ask about it ^^

Aplatonic (abbreviated apl, which is pronounced like “apple”) is a label similar to asexual or aromantic (all 3 fall under the aspec umbrella) where you don’t experience platonic attraction.

For me personally, I don’t have any drive to make friends or maintain platonic relationships; the people I consider my friends are by definition more close and trusted acquaintances than anything. I care deeply for them and enjoy their company, but there isn’t any sort of intrinsic drive to keep things up or seek out friendships like alloplatonic people have. I still call them friends since that’s the “normal” term, but I know of many others who don’t have anyone they consider friends and are perfectly happy with that, or are repulsed by the idea of platonic relationships entirely.

Allo is a prefix for the “normal” level of attraction for any aspec identity. Allosexual = not ace-spec, alloromantic = not aro-spec, you get the idea

We’re still relatively new to anything apl related, so apologies if anything is tricky to understand. We only realized we’re apl-spec a few months ago so we’re still figuring things out 😅 Thanks for asking though!

[aroapl]

hello! first off, this ask is not at all meant to be antagonistic and i am genuinely coming from a place of wanting to understand. i've always been extremely for "people can be and identify as whatever they want, so long as they're not hurting anyone". what i'm struggling with is that last bit and the way that i am seeing some people using the aplatonic or loveless labels.

i am both aro- and ace spec myself, so i definitely understand not having emotions or attraction in the way that a lot of people feel that you should. and while i am pretty high empathy myself, i'm also friends with people who have low or no empathy and have no trouble understanding that that's just another way of existing and doesn't mean that you can't have compassion for people or treat people decently. my best friend has no empathy and is incredibly supportive and caring.

i also totally get when i see people iding as loveless because the way that our society (especially western society) uses the word "love" is so weird and definitely not universally relatable. completely understandable.

i've seen many people identify being aplatonic as meaning "idk i just don't really Connect with people in the way that i see most people talk about, if my friends all moved away, i wouldn't really be bothered" okay, cool. i don't Get it, but just seems to be a different experience.

where i'm really struggling is not to condemn or get angry at people who i straight up see saying "i'm loveless meaning i don't care about other human beings and if any number of people just died right in front of me i wouldn't care. if i saw someone in trouble needing my help i'd walk right past them. i hate humans". i haven't seen a TON of people express this, but i've seen enough to where i feel like they can't all be trolls, and i'm not sure how to respond.

i've also seen a lot, like definitely the vast majority of people i see pop up on my dash who id themselves as aplatonic, say that they feel horribly lonely and disconnected and just Can't make friends...therefore they must be aplatonic, and they should stop trying and be "naturally" isolated. a lot of these people also mention having past trauma, and a lot of them seem to be young teenagers.

now. i am of the opinion that identifying yourself "incorrectly"--eg, a young trans woman identifying as ace before she figures out she's trans because she has no interest in sex as someone who's seen as a man--isn't ever really harmful. not having sex with anyone isn't going to hurt you. briefly deciding you're a lesbian isn't going to hurt you if you're actually a trans man.

but these teenagers i see iding as aplatonic because they're unable to make connections with people but want to really worries me. if you don't have any close friends or even casual friends and are totally happy with that and id as aplatonic, that makes sense and seems perfectly fine to me. but i just can't make "i id this way because i'm miserable" mesh with my worldview, nor can i make "i id this way because i hate everyone" mesh either.

in the past when i've brought this up to people with the loveless able specifically, it's incited threats of violence, doxxing, and a lot of ableism, which tbh did the opposite of convincing me it was a harmless label.

do you have any thoughts on this?

(Little preface to say I consulted a server with a lot of apls and loveless folks in it to get a second opinion on how to respond to this. So, some of this is entirely my own thoughts and some is paraphrased from another loveless apl. This person did not want to be credited/named.)

I’m gonna start with my main thought on all these points, which is this: there are always going to be some people that identify with a label for the “wrong” reasons, and there are always going to be some assholes and some people you fundamentally don’t agree with in every label/community. None of these things ever make it okay to try and get rid of or police a label, to take it away from the people that genuinely find community, joy, and self acceptance in it.

A lot of what you’re saying here is quite frankly just classic aphobia, the same stuff a lot of people say/think about aros and aces just directed at apls and loveless people. There are plenty of aros that desperately wish they could like romance and have romantic relationships, and there are aphobes that think these aros are just mentally ill and that the aro label should be done away with to “save” them. There are some violently sex negative aces out there, and there are aphobes who think they speak for the whole community and that the ace label should be done away with because of it. There are people that mistakenly identify as ace and/or aro because they’re struggling with other things, and some of them isolate themselves because of it in ways that genuinely do harm them, and there are people that think ace and aro are inherently harmful labels because of this. 

Whether they truly are aplatonic or just falling back on the aplatonic label because of other struggles, some aplatonic people genuinely wishing they could make/keep friends and feeling lonely doesn’t mean that the aplatonic label as a whole is a problem. Like I said, people misidentifying in ways that do actually harm them in some way is something that can happen with any label. Also, trying to make someone drop a label that doesn’t actually fit them and force them to face the problem that led them to it before they’re ready to is rarely helpful. A lot of people in this situation would at best feel disrespected and upset, and at worst double down on their misidentification or have a serious mental health spiral over being made to face a problem they aren't ready to face. People wrongly IDing as aplatonic might find understanding and resources in our community that help them heal, they might be miserable the whole time they ID as apl and eventually move on and get help afterward, or they might learn and heal in other ways or go on to struggle for a very long time. Either way, it’s not the job of outsiders to decide someone is identifying with a label for the wrong reasons and make them let it go. 

(Also, a side note on this point. While aplatonic is currently primarily defined and used similarly to other aspec labels, there have been several other definitions that differ quite a lot. One of these definitions defines it as struggling to make or maintain friendships due to neurodivergence, or just generally struggling with friendship. Some people do still use this definition. Some of these people you’re talking about may be using this definition.)

Now on to lovelessness. Some of what you’re saying here gets into ableism, particularly towards people with personality disorders. Some people with personality disorders genuinely just aren’t capable of caring about strangers like that, or people in general. Some often aren’t capable of going out of their way to help people, or struggle a lot with it. That doesn’t make them bad. People can’t control how they feel. As long as they aren’t hurting anyone, people can feel or think whatever they want. Thought crime isn’t real.

Now, if someone is actually hurting people and using the loveless label as an excuse, that’s obviously not okay. The thing about that though is that taking the loveless label away from them won’t make them stop hurting people. They will just find another excuse, or stop bothering with having an excuse. An asshole is still going to be an asshole no matter what label or excuse they attach to it. On top of that, some people within an identity/community being bad people doesn't make it okay to vilify everyone that shares that label or get rid of that label/community. 

I’m genuinely very sorry some people have been ableist and violent towards you, that is never okay. I do need you to know though that despite what may have been good intentions, this does come off as aplphobic, loveless antagonistic, and a bit ableist. That can rightfully inspire anger and defensiveness in people with these identities, especially since many of us are already used to having our identities antagonized, disrespected, and demonized. Since you’re aroace-spec, imagine how you would feel if someone came to you and expressed these exact same sentiments, but towards ace and aro identities instead. Imagine how you’d feel if some came to you doubting that ace and aro identities should be allowed to exist because they’d encountered some aces and aros that were mean or unhappy in their identify.

At the end of the day, not everyone is going to share your worldview, and that’s fine. You don’t have to understand them or like them, or even get along with them, but they have a right to exist as they are even if you don’t agree with them or like it. If they aren’t hurting you, simply move on and focus your time and energy on the people and communities you do like and understand.

[schadenfreudich]

You know what I find so annoying? When someone writes "ace and/or aro" and then everyone in the comments and tags ignores that and writes only "ace" or "aroace" like the only way to be aro is if you're also ace.

And I never see non-ace aros write something like "aro sweep" when it says "ace and/or aro" but I do see a lot of "ace sweep" and "aroace sweep" on the same thing.

And this is so annoying as an aroallo. Also the fucking celibacy gif on posts that very much includes non-ace aros. Like, I don't even care about the gif if it's on a post about only asexuality. Even if it's still not completely correct but if the post includes people that allosexual, I would like to not be ignored and lumped in with asexuals, and then have all asexuals be implied to be virgins who will never have sex, like sex isn't very important to me, because I am aroallo and not even asexual in the first place.

[alien-ally]

the last thing i want happening if i come out as aplatonic (which takes immensely more than coming out as aro or ace) is to be erased to my face with something about friendship being very important and that i should really get out there and try it out and stop isolating myself or whatever. I am introverted, i get drained by social interactions a lot, even when I'm having a good time, i get quiet in between, for those reasons i do isolate myself. I am not good with approaching people and starting conversations or keeping them going most of the times as i usually have limited reactions and just humm most of the times. so i have to work my mind a mile an hour to make some comment or query to not seem too indifferent. overall I'm just very indifferent to friendship. significantly disinterested as compared to non-apl people. maybe it's cause i have not met very many people i truly connect with but maybe it's just the way i am. i usually have a lot to talk about topics and can go about it to other people if I'm feeling like it or if I'm 100% sure they're interested. But that doesn't happen all the time. rather, it happens quite rarely. eitherways it's hard for me to feel as intrigued/drawn in by other people. which i believe is a major factor of platonic attraction. there are several intersections between my introverted, reserved, private nature and my aplatonicity. both make it hard for me to function around people as friendship and enthusiasm for it comes as a natural expectation in the society. But I'm just a little too happy by myself most of the time, and that doesn't make a lot of sense to people. 2/10 times, when i want to do something out of it, my shell makes it hard for me to. As a result, there is a specific brand of isolation and loneliness i experience. Doesn't make me less aplatonic.

In any case I don't want to be erased to my face with some lame excuse about why you just cannot fully comprehend how someone could be this way when i come out to you.

[papercranesandpride]

It is very annoying that if you just browse #loveless on here it's 50% actual loveless stuff and 50% quotes from the book Loveless about how as an aroace friendship is just so important! Like. Okay. I get that they both have the same name. And the same right to the tag. And I should just browse #loveless apl or #loveless aro. But it's still annoying to search loveless stuff as a loveless apl and find all this stuff about how important friends are.

Sorry fellow aspecs, I know how important Alice Osman is to you, but as an aplatonic and an aro who isn't ace, I think reading their books would make me feel like a fake aspec. So I'm gonna pass.

[lovelessrage]

Me: "I think I'm loveless, but like... I feel weird using that term when I'm not aplatonic? Like yeah, I don't think I actually love my friends, even if I do like and care about them, but... I don't know it just feels wrong to say that when I still do the platonic thing."

Me a while later: *realizes I'm actually on the aplatonic spectrum*

Me: "ohhhhhhhhh you know that's probably why I felt like I should be aplatonic. Well that works. Guess I am loveless"

Yeah, this is a pretty common thing when people assume you just Can't do anything platonic while apl/loveless or you're "cheating the label" or something. Same way people get really anxious about being romo favourable and aro or sex favourable and ace. It happens to a lot of us.

Although, will add, you can ID as anything you want even if it isn't a "perfect fit"; being loveless is also a set of beliefs about decentering love and/or rejecting the current concept of love. You can identify as loveless while feeling some types of love if you just like the label for yourself, feel it fits your experiences, or agree with loveless ideals. It can also be used if you feel disconnected from love as a concept in general.

Hope you're alright with me posting btw, can be removed later if you didn't want it to be uploaded/just wanted to share.

[our-aplatonic-experience]

i'm so tired of people treating friendship as THE human experience.

that's why i've never felt comfortable in school, where if asked i needed to lie about being friends with people i never truly knew or cared about. yes they were cool and i value time we spent together, but i never wanted them outside of my school life. i didn't know how to avoid these interactions, like how could i have possibly refused people wanting to be my friends? i've never wanted them to feel hurt, so i lied, and continued to participate in actions that brought me no joy, just because i had this need to conform. then i felt guilty because i didn't feel something i was supposed to. i felt broken. i was confused, why i asked myself it had to me?

i was so deeply uncomfortable with all of this, i thought it would be better if i just ran away, disappeared from the lives of people who considered me their friend. and i did, eventually. i studied online for a year. i completely isolated myself because i was convinced that every social interaction i may have needed to result in friendship. i had no one to talk to about this because i was scared anyone might find out how i really felt.

then i changed schools. things became a bit better, i found my clique. i was learning to accept myself, even though i still didn't think of this as something other people might experience.

as i grew older it became more and more obvious that i'm not actually attracted to anyone, be it romantically or sexually. i had little to no difficulties accepting this because i knew it was fine, that sex and romance might just not be for everyone*. but i took me much longer to understand that basically the same appplies to friendship, because platonic relationships are thought of as shared, common and universal human experience. i can't even imagine how much my life could've been better if i knew that there are, in fact, no relationships i must have to be a normal™ human.

and now, when i finally came to terms with my feelings and embraced being loveless apl, i can absolutely say it changed the way i view life. i have learnt to not be ashamed of who i am. it felt like i found a missing piece and, for once, finally felt complete. and i wanted to thank all of you, those who contribute to the apl and loveless community because if it wasn't for you, i don't think i could've ever been able to accept myself fully.

also, thanks for reading the brief history of my life lol

*for clarification purposes: the environment i was in at the time was very supportive of aro and/or ace people & i personally had known a few before coming out myself. i understand this might not be every person's experience and i didn't want this to sound dissmisive of other people's struggles to accept their aro and/or ace identity <2

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sorry this was rotting in my inbox for so long, just now got energy to read it

jm glad you got to accept your identity:D