#like... it's so easy to blame a mental illness on something bad than it is to look at the system and say it's failing

[demon-country]

"Stolas is a worse dad than Blitz, because when Stolas was about to die he chose Loona over him."

The situations were completely different, you can't actually compare them in that way.

1) In Western Energy, Blitz was going to go save Stolas, but was able to send Moxxie and Millie instead, freeing him up to stay with Loona.

In Mastermind, Blitz was in imminent danger. As in, by the time Stolas saw what was happening there was only about a minute until Blitz was going to be decapitated. There was no one to send in his place and no one else could've gotten there in time even if there was.

2) Loona had a hospital appointment she couldn't go to on her own due to her extreme phobia of needles, and it would have been years before she could get it again if she missed it (unless Stolas pulled some strings).

Octavia was not in danger and had no pressing need for Stolas to be by her side. He was also implied to have set things up so that, should he die before she's legally an adult, she'd still be well off and protected to the best of his abilities. She'd be heartbroken, yes, but her assets and future would be secure. (It's no substitute for a loving parent, of course, but it'd allow her some freedom to do as she pleased, like not being forced to marry someone against her will.)

3) Fighting Striker wouldn't be, and wasn't, a sure death sentence. He's good at what he does, but he's just one guy who can be fought.

Stolas didn't have the time or knowledge to come up with a good defense, and even if he did the court wouldn't have cared, because they were bored, hungry, and don't care enough about imps, due process, or doling out real justice to be bothered listening to a nerdy bird attempt to be a lawyer for some uppity imp trying to rise above his station. Putting all of the blame on himself and making a big, flashy production about how he's some cunning manipulator who thinks he's above the law and Blitz is just a worthless pawn to force them to pay attention to him was his only real option if he wanted Blitz to make it out alive.

And even if Stolas did let Blitz die, then he undoubtedly would have spiraled into an even deeper depression, riddled with guilt, grief, and self-loathing. Because that's what happens when you have precarious mental health and watch the love of your life be executed, knowing you could maybe have done something to stop it, but didn't even try. Which, you know, also would have hurt Octavia, because it's not easy seeing your parent in that state. Neither choice would have spared Octavia the pain of losing her father, at least temporarily, and people would still be calling him a bad dad for letting his mental illness affect his relationship with her.

Also, did people not see the way Blitz was begging Stolas not to take the fall for him? He absolutely would have re-taken his place on the chopping block if it meant Stolas didn't have to die. Then Loona would be down her only parent, with Blitz actively choosing Stolas first, because Stolas was seemingly about to die and M&M had already promised to take care of her. You know, exactly like Stolas in this episode.

Blitz would have been in the same sinking mental health boat if Stolas died, as well, except he did try to save him (or more accurately, get him to save himself) it was just entirely fruitless. The man nearly ran his company into the ground because they broke up, he'd fall completely apart if another person he loves died "because of" him (in his eyes), this time without even knowing that Blitz loves him.

When push came to shove, when someone they love was about to die right in front of them and they felt secure with the knowledge that their child would be okay without them (eventually), they both attempted to sacrifice themselves instead. And they both would have been inconsolable wrecks if the other had actually died. There were no good options, they were just trying to make it so that everyone they loved made it out alive, even though putting themselves in the line of fire was the only realistic way of doing that.

[mlmxreader]

A Big Mistake | Tom Hanniger x gn!reader

『••✎••』

↳ ❝ :0 I finally got around to watching My Bloody Valentine (the 2009 one) and I noticed that you write for Tom! Would you be willing to write something with 20. “Uhm, just a by the way, but everyone knows about us now” with him please? ❞

: ̗̀➛ You and Tom live a happy, quiet, life in the comforting shadow of secrecy, and away from the bigotry of Harmony and its people, until one silly mistake completely crumbles it to pieces.

trigger warnings: ̗̀➛ swearing, mentions of hallucinations, mentions of gaslighting & planting false memories, heavily implied saneism

•───────────────★•♛•★──────────────•

spotlight fundraiser : ̗̀➛ Support Muhammad's Surgery & Children Amir and Malak

•───────────────★•♛•★──────────────•

It had been years since the incident, and although you knew that Tom was innocent, it was difficult for him to get past it; his mental health had suffered tremendously, and he blamed himself for believing the false memories that Axel had planted in his head.

But he was doing better, now, and he lived quite comfortably with you; the fact that you had animals helped, as he found a sort of solace and peace when he was helping you with feeding, cleaning, health checks, and everything else. He found them to help massively when he was hallucinating, as he could turn to them and see if they were reacting or not, and it helped him keep his calm.

Granted, he still had his bad days, but he was comfortable enough to at least tell you as such. Usually bad days meant spending the entire time in bed watching old films, but you enjoyed it as much as he did.

He did appreciate it, though. The fact that he could actually be honest about what was going on inside his head and not needing to worry about how you would look at him; all of his old friends would have run a mile and called him some truly horrendous things. But not you. You just asked how you could support him, and made sure to make the adjustments.

But nobody outside of the two of you and his psychiatrist actually knew about the relationship; you both wanted to keep it a secret, as neither you nor him wanted to know what the people of Harmony would say about it. The whispers, the comments about his mental health, the awful thing that had happened so long ago.

It was easy to blame the man who had been gaslit and had false memories planted in his head, than it was to accept that their old sheriff was a corrupt, violent, and evil person. It was easy to blame the mentally ill man and point a finger at him, than to admit that mental health did not factor into violent acts.

But that was nothing to worry about right now.

You watched as Tom sat on the floor, careful in his execution as he mixed in bits of calcium dust with vegetables for the invertebrates as one of the snakes sat across his shoulders; a smile on your face as you dared to take your phone out, snapping a quick picture.

At the sound of the shutter, he looked over at you, and dared to smile. "You're takin' pictures of me again? Seriously?"

You shrugged, sitting opposite him. "Can you blame me when you look like that?"

A bit of blush coated his features as he ran a hand through his short brown hair. "Wait there."

You did as he said; he put the snake back into its tank, and put the various foods into the invertebrate tanks before coming back. He gently took your hand in his own, leading you to the bed so that he could sit down and pull you onto his lap; carefully, he grabbed your phone and pulled up the camera. Pointing it at the mirror opposite as he pressed a kiss to your neck and quickly pressed the shutter button.

You grinned, not thinking anything would happen as you tossed the phone onto the bed beside you and turned around to face him; slowly and softly kissing him for a moment, you both smiled into it as he laid one hand on your jaw and the other at the back of your neck. You grabbed his shirt, balling it in your hands in a desperate attempt to keep him close.

Tom dared to let his hand run down to your back, pulling you down with him as he leaned back; you instinctively put your hand out, swiping the phone and not realising.

You laughed softly, pulling away from him and reaching for the phone at last so you could set it on the bedside table; Tom watched as your smile faded, and your eyes widened slightly.

"Baby?" He whispered. "What's wrong?"

"Bollocks," you breathed out, resting a hand on your forehead. "Uhm, just a by the way, but everyone knows about us now... or at least they will soon enough."

He furrowed his brows as he tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

You showed him the phone. "I must have fucking hit share when you pulled me down... fuck!"

"Don't worry," he told you gently. "It'll be fine."

You shook your head, tossing the phone away in frustration. "Tom. Be fucking serious. You know what people in Harmony are like, you know what they think of you, and-"

Tom could tell you were worrying about him more than yourself, and gently tugged at your shirt collar to distract you. "Listen to me, would you? It'll be fine. I mean, fuck, instead of going to Harmony for our food, we can just go to the town on the other side."

You frowned. "I am so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"I know," he reassured gently. "I know, it's fine. It's an accident."

"I'll delete it, I'll-"

"Don't." He murmured. "C'mon, we've been a secret for, what? Three years now? I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think."

"I'll call Patricia, she'll-"

"Do nothing," he insisted. "Just... focus on me, alright?"

It made him want to laugh, the amount of times you had said that to him and now he was repeating it back like it was nothing; he grinned to himself as he cleared his throat.

"You're right," you relented at last. "I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Axel's gone, and, and if push comes to shove, I can always take a few bruises for you anyway if anyone gets a bit chopsy... right?"

"You wouldn't-"

"If I had to, I would," you insisted. "You're more than worth it... most of the time."

Tom tilted his head to the side as he lifted a brow. "Most?"

"Well, I can't say I'm keen on you when you fucking steal off of my plate," you pointed out with a soft laugh. "Can I?"

[assassinmidnight]

Flufftober day 17, Only one bed

Jason/RedHood xVigilante!AFAB!Reader

Reader's vigilante name is Score

Not proof read, I have dyslexia and a test tomorrow(sorry for any mistakes)

Summery: You need a place to crash for a bit, but Jason only has one bed.

The world was ending, legit ending. Lex Luthor must have planned this because this is pure evil. The thoughts run through your mind as Jason gives you the keys to his place. “I know it’s not ideal, but we don’t really have a choice in the situation,” he flashed his signature grin before heading further into the run-down studio. 

It was one medium sized room with a door that led to the bathroom, the plumbing was probably illegal in some way, knowing Jason. The place had a portable stove, a microwave and a mini fridge in one corner. Work out equipment and a huge computer set up in another, and there was a singular bed pushed against the only window in the building. Only one bed, not even a couch. 

“Um and you’re still sure about this, you know, sleeping in the same bed,” you mutter out, eyes darting about as to not meet his eyes. “I told you it's fine, ill shower before and i’ll wear a bodysuit if it makes you feel better, but no way that you are sleeping on the floor,” he held up a one piece as to show he was telling the truth, he wouldn’t let you sleep on the cold floor, and you wouldn’t let him do that either. “Okay, um thanks, for letting me stay for a while,” he looked over at you, putting down a dumbbell. He felt the need to let off steam and the mere thought of sharing a bed with you, but seeing your face fall trumped any jitters. “Hey it’s okay princess, I'll always be here for you, in any capacity you need. Promise,” he smiled, having walked up to you. You smiled back, though you felt your heart tug, he couldn’t be there in the way you wanted.

—

“Score, do you have eyes on them?”

Red Hood’s voice echoed through the com in your ear, voice laced with something you couldn’t place. “Yeah, three men, 6-6’2 I’d say, all armed with guns.” Currently you were sitting on the roof of a building in downtown Gotham, scouting the area before you and Hood went down to ‘take care’ of it. You could feel the goosebumps grow on your skin, you wanted to blame the cold but knew that it probably had more to do with Jason speaking so slowly into his comm. You knew it was to avoid detection and to help the voice manipulator in his mask a bit more, but still, it sent lightning up your spine. “Are you ready?” “Yes,” your response was immediate and automatic, you knew it was because of Jason’s voice, otherwise you’d probably spend 5 more minutes preparing mentally for all the loud noises.

—

You wobble into the studio, exhausted, with Jason on your heels. It had been fairly easy, but the guns had been louder than you had anticipated, and with the amount of close combat that had been required you felt overstimulated to the max. Just wanting to sleep you barely got out of your suit before hitting the bed, somewhere behind you Jason mentioned making you some tea if you took a short shower and changed into something else. Just by being Jason he convinced you, and you would’ve felt bad if he had to sleep next to you while you were smelling of sweat and gun residue. 

Jason heard how the shower turned on and wondered if maybe he should tell you. He didn’t want to, but maybe it would be better if he did, he didn’t want to be selfish like this. The decision whirled around in his head as he prepared your cup of tea.

Getting out of the shower, feeling more refreshed, your mind noted on something you had missed, you hadn’t felt uncomfortable at the thought of sharing the bed with Jason, despite feeling overstimulated, it had even been a pleasant thought the more you mulled over it. You felt Jason’s eyes on you as you opened the door to the bathroom. He walked to the bed and sat down, waiting for you to come. When you did he made sure to get you comfortable and then handed you the cup. The look on your face when you took the sip must’ve been something because the look on Jason’s face was intense. “It’s good, you got my favourite brand,” a smile broke on his face, his shoulders dropping slightly, “Yeah, of course I did princess, wouldn't want to disappoint you,” he winked at the last word, and if you blushed, it was caused by the tea and shower, not by him. “I’m gonna shower, just yell for your prince charming and I’ll come running,” he joked before grabbing a towel from one of the boxes on the floor and heading into the bathroom. 

He came out 10 minutes later, to see you already curled up on the left side of the bed, cup washed and put to dry. He also spotted the toothbrush on the table next to some toothpaste. Shaking his head slightly, he double checked the door before lying down next to you. He was still thinking about telling you, but if you were sleeping he didn’t want to wake you, or for you to wake up while he’s gone. “I can hear you thinking,” your voice rang like bells in his ears and he laughed slightly, “What?” you turned over, meeting his blue eyes, feeling them pierce straight through everything you were. A silence fell over the two of you, spell bound by a single moment in time that seemed to last forever. 

“I really like you, like a fucking lot,” your mouth fell open at the words. Jason’s mouth closed rapidly after uttering the words, a bright red flush rising on his cheeks, clearly not knowing what to do in the situation. “I am so sor-” “I like you too,” now it was his turn to be surprised, having cut straight through his apology, your confession made him feel high. Before you could think, both you and Jason were laughing, faces filled with glee. After another few minutes you closed the distance between the two of you, pulling yourself in his neck so you could rest your forehead on his chest, his beat being a lullaby you’d missed despite not knowing it.

“When did you know?” he slowly threaded his fingers through your still damp hair, “Just now, realised that even when I’m overstimulated, I want you to comfort me. You?” You can hear the smile in his voice “I’ve always known, just didn’t know when to say it,” playfully you hit his chest, muttering out “dork” before closing your eyes. Kissing the top of your head, Jason too goes to sleep.

—

You wake up to the sound of the door opening, Jason making a quick move to hide you behind him as he pulls out his gun. 

“Whoa, just me,” Dick says, waving a brown bag in the air, based on the smell you can tell it's some sort of pastry. Jason relaxes and puts down the gun, getting out of bed to prepare some breakfast. As you also get out of bed, you see Dick looking between you and his brother.

“He let you sleep on his bed? He always makes me sleep on the extra mattress” Dick groaned, “It hurts my back like crazy,” at the mention of a second mattress your eyes darted over to Jason, who seems to be very interested in the water cooker. Idiot.

Yeah he's an idiot, but he's your idiot

--

*I DO NOT ALLOW THE PLAGIARISM OF MY WORK, FOR IT TO BE USED IN AI OR FOR IT TO BE REPOSTED ELSEWHERE*

[liarvibe]

This ask grants you permission for one (1) uninterrupted yap session.

Wise usage not recommended.

You know what--since we were talking about it before and stuff, I'm going to talk about something I've personally experienced in this fandom and have been witnessing others experiencing it currently as well--and that is this fandoms utter lack of acceptance for the "weird" and "abnormal" takes--or what they ACTUALLY are--takes people just don't agree with.

This mainly pertains to my and an friends theories and analyses that have been scrutinized for years at this point, but it also pertains to a new theory about Byakuya Togami being Mentally Unwell that I've been on and off reading.

And the hate certain people have been giving this theory.

For one thing, I actually like the theorizing done by @duhhtheyellowrose. It showcases a different, interesting, and most importantly, extremely valid interpretation of Byakuya! Again I haven't had the energy lately to read everything they've been writing, but what I have read has given me a much greater appreciation for Togami as a character because before, I thought of him as a very flat, prideful rich kid who's whole character arc was bruising that pride and bringing him down to earth. Not a bad arc, but just... simple, kinda boring. I love deep dives like this into a character's psyche and really thinking about their motivations and thoughts and feelings. What I HAVE read of Yellow's theories has done exactly that--it's given Togami more depth and dwells on the rather harsh pressure he grew up with, and what exactly that can do to a person's mind going forward.

Like yeah, actually, Byakuya having to fight his half siblings to be the chosen heir, no matter how you spin it, is really fucked up! That kind of pressure and strive for perfectionism does horrible things to a person's mental health, especially when they falter and crumble in a way that isn't their picture-perfect self.

And yet. Once again, there are people going off in this fandom insisting that Byakuya Togami can't be 'suicidal'. He just can't be! Nevermind the horrible statement that is, saying that a person in any position Cannot Be Suicidal, because even the Happiest Person on Earth can have suicidal idealization--it's just blatantly disregarding an interpretation and saying it's "mischaracterization" simply because you don't like it.

Also, I've seen people go so far as saying that giving Togami mental ailments or making him a more complex character is making him. Softer? I'm sorry that you have this idea about mental illnesses that makes you think people with them are "softer" and less of an asshole just because they have a reason to be an asshole, but also no I'm not sorry, please actually think about what you're saying. You're saying that people who are assholes cannot have a reason to be an asshole and thus othering people you deem as "jerkish" or even "evil" just because you don't want to admit they are human.

This is just one example of how this fandom can jump through horrible mental hoops just to justify their "take" on a character--but also hate on another take they don't agree with or like. It's the same shit I've talked about before where people infantize Gonta to make Kokichi look like more of a monster than he actually is. Because if Gonta is a big stupid dumb monkey who Kokichi manipulated, it makes things easy--bad guy gets to not be a Person(tm) anymore ("So I get to hate him as much as I want and feel justified in hating him") while the Poor Innocent Babu gets to have their Purity and never be wrong, ever. ("So I feel justified in liking this character without having to tackle the idea that maybe they did something wrong because they cannot be blamed and I cannot be wrong!")

Don't you guys see how utterly boring that is? To simplify characters to the point where they're not even people? Like sure, sometimes you need a character who is a Symbol and doesn't need to be anything more than that for narrative purposes... but like. These characters aren't meant to be symbols of evil or assholery or whatever. They are meant to represent a person with thoughts and feelings and ideals, with dreams and heartbreaks and complexities that make them unique as an individual.

I think making post after post trying to "debunk" someone's interpretation is just making you look like an asshole. I think fighting over what interpretation is right vs what one is wrong is jsut not the play.

Like--in the Undertale fandom! If someone had an interpretation you didn't like? That's an AU now! See, isn't that more fun? Now you can engage with the interpretations you don't agree with in a more constructive and positive way. It's also the first step in accepting different interpretations without them having to be "AUs" because it promotes critical thinking and acknowledging that Literary Analysis is actually an art, not a science. It's never factual. It never WAS. Literary Analyses (or writing metas/theory crafting as the kids call it these days--like Literary Theory is why it's called Theorycrafting, people!) is all about interpretation of text, and there is no objective way to do so. It's all subjective!

I maintain the sentiment from my theory blog, to my old personal, to this one--No analyses done in good faith are ever "wrong", not unless you are: 1. Doing a meta to hate on something, 2. including bigotry in your meta, or 3. otherwise being malicious (whether intentionally or unintentionally so).

If you correct yourself when you make a mistake (in that you display unintentional malice or bigotry) and aren't actively being an asshole, then any and all interpretations you come up with is correct! So is the person who's come to the opposite conclusions as you. Yes you are both correct. No it does not matter how opposite they are from you. No it doesn't matter if their interpretation changes the whole character from your perspective.

You can dislike it, but accept that it's valid. Move on. Or, maybe analyze the other interpretation with a open mind--maybe you'll actually come to like aspects of it! If you just hate on it without giving it a chance, you'll never know.

So yeah. That's what I'm gonna yap about with this ask. Hope you guys don't mind!

[ochrearia]

Beset

Lets make mental illness worse today by making a new RGBFVerse BF that only exists to prove someone's a terrible person thumbs up emoji

BFs in this one shot: Beset (Curse!BF, mine) Yourself (YS) (Biff and Beef are mentioned.)

“You should be in a mental hospital by now.”

Understatement of the century, really. Though YS supposed the only reason he wasn’t was out of fear. Fear that they would make him worse, or fear that they would make him better? He didn’t want to answer that. His skin rippled with magic he shouldn’t be using. There was a shadow in the mirror that shouldn’t be talking back to him.

“Trying to get rid of me so soon, are we? Laughable. You know you can’t actually do that right? Or are you just trying to become even more delusional than you prove to be on a daily basis? I do have to congratulate you, honestly, for letting me out even a little bit. It was getting so boring in that mind of yours, where you were getting used to me.”

All that talk about winning me over and you’ve gotten bored of it? Guess that makes me a bad host. If Biff can take you out of my brain the way he did then you were never just my thoughts, my memories by themselves were you? You’re something else. Mostly me, but something added in. Will you ever plan to leave me alone? Strength to speak eluded YS. Something about this magic he was using… this didn’t feel right. Didn’t feel stable, but then again, not like he counted as stable either. No, no… you’re me. My thoughts are mine. No matter how despondent they are…

“Very fun theory you have there. But you’d ruin mine if I told you the whole truth right away. You’ve got a brain in there, you should use it more often. Oh, but I didn’t make it easy on you to do so, did I?”

You and I are the same. Stop talking like we’re different things. People don’t seem to understand that it’s all just me. I’m going to prove it. I’m going to prove it.

“And would you so much as breathe life into me as proof?”

Yeah. I would. YS thought. And not because it’s anywhere near logical. I want my bottle to break. So when it shatters with the stress I’m putting on it, I can cut myself on the edges where it broke so that I bleed out more poison. A never ending stream of being a bad person.

How rancid. Blood and copper, like the taste on one’s tongue when something goes sour. The mirror crinkles, or something like it does. The shadow held within slips through, and takes a form all too familiar.

“Suit yourself. Just remember, you chose this.”

A form of flesh and blood borne out of memory. Shadowed blue hair and a deep red hat torn up by horns. A grin familiar to the angel in the sickest of ways. Smaller, but more sinister. Eyes that don’t match the smile, though hardly can be called eyes at all. 

“Real air in my lungs… breaths and steps I can actually take. It’s going to be so fun to make you regret this choice, you know… Hah. What should I call you, then? Father? Brother? Oh, I can’t wait to meet them all for real. The looks on their faces when they’ll catch sight of us, knowing your delusions so.” Beset sneered, smoke like a devil’s tail protruding from his back.

“You speak like a stuck up piece of shit.” YS bit back instead, shoving the smaller back towards the mirror- but he wouldn’t return. Not in the same way, not anymore.

“Ah ah… You chose this. Congratulations, you’ve pulled me out of your mind. Well… some of me. I can’t control your thoughts in the way you blamed me for. That was all you, brother. You thought this was going to solve all your problems, being vocal about them, but you’re already starting to realize, aren’t you? Magic that angels like you were never supposed to use. You’ve created life. Using the memories and feelings you wanted to tear out of your head… but that’s not how it worked, was it?”

YS growled. “You’re a copy. I get it. If I brought you to life, then it’s an obvious answer that I can take it away.”

“Aww… would you?” Beset blinked innocently, grin stretching further before his face swirled and morphed into a poor copy of Beef. “You would do that?” Another morph to Biff, and another, and another. “You’d kill your brother, would you?”

YS stumbled back, enraged and furious. “Cut that shit out! You’re not a full copy, you can’t be, you shouldn’t be able to do that…”

Beset’s smoke flickered. “Mmm, you’re right. I can give you that. A copy and a curse, mixed together. You didn’t think that your torment was all natural, did you? Be honest, you were never that brilliant to stage such a monstrous display. That was all me! Courtesy of your girl’s father, of course. Did you really think they’d just leave you alone after you killed their precious daughter? Maybe you really are delusional without my help. Oh well. You copied a curse and made it live. I’m still in your head, you know. And now I’m outside of it too. Isn’t this what you wanted?”

No. It wasn’t. I wanted to prove that I was a lost cause. You’re ruining this for me.

“Poor thing.” Beset taunted in a sickly-sweet voice, taking a step forward. “Oh, but I’ve taught you well. Go cry about it, you big fucking baby. I’m here now thanks to you. My job was to help torment you. It was never to torment any of your pieces of shit brothers. Though I wish it was, considering how much they’re tried to interfere with my goddamn work. Whatever. Here’s what’s going to happen, you angel scum. You’re going to tell them about me. Sooner or later it’s going to happen. They’re going to meet me, and you’re going to explain who the fuck I am. And you’re going to use me as a reason for them to stay away. You’re going to tell them to go away, or do whatever the fuck it is angels like you need to break bonds. And when that’s all said and done, you’re going to be alone. With me. And I’m going to enjoy watching the light leave your eyes when you turn the barrel towards yourself. Got it?”

“You’re not my fucking boss.” YS snipped, but made no real move to show any strength. “And you’re not my brother either. So you don’t get to fucking call me that.”

Beset rolled his eyes. “Funny. You’re getting defiant again. You know what? Sure. I’m not your boss. But that just means I get the joy of tormenting you back into being obedient all over again. You’ve given me a gift, you know. And the Beset in that head of yours isn’t going to stop either. You’ve doubled your problems. But maybe that was what you wanted, hmm?”

YS looked away, indignant but silent. He may have bitten off way more than he could chew, and it was his fault for messing with magic he’d never used before. The other was right. He belonged in some mental hospital, locked away from anyone who could care to help him.

“Glad we can agree.” Beset sneered again. “Maybe you won’t fight as much as I thought you would. Shame. Alright then, I think I’ve made my point for now. I’ll let my original in your head keep doing his job. Me though… I think I’ve earned some exploration. I think I’ll go spy on some of your pathetic excuses for other selves. Really get to know those thorns in my side.”

“You don’t fucking touch them.” YS snarled, a sudden burst of strength hitting him. “If I so much as hear a single damn thing about--”

“Oh, cool it, would you, Mr Macho?” Beset said, unimpressed. “I just told you they’re not part of my job. Doesn’t mean I can’t learn more about them.”

YS fell back a little again, watching Beset turn to walk into the mirror. Though he didn’t become shadowed this time, like he was before YS really brought him out. He walked into the mirror in the way all of his other selves could mirror-walk.

“I’ll be back sometime. You won’t be able to stop me. By the way, your microphone’s been flashing like a strobe light this entire time. I think you upset your little precious girlie.”

YS didn’t get a chance to angrily retort at Beset before the curse-turned-demonself slipped away. Deflating, the angel picked up his microphone, which was flashing red rapidly in alarm.

“I’m sorry my dear. I didn’t know it was going to turn out like this… I just wanted to prove what I believe in.”

She flashed still, trying to communicate the best she could, but it was never enough.

“But for your fate… I deserve this.”

[multifandomxdanganronpa1356]

Toxic person call out session! Have you five and Shuichi ever meet with person who spread drama for 3+ years, the initial Jess, M and another M?

Oh you're talking about that people who downplaying mental illnesses and causing so many problems eh?

Yeah oh wait you're actually that spying on that inital J.M.M oh whoa!

Uh... Who?

Isn't that you? Shuichi?

Heheh yes I am.. and Diavolo.

Of course!

Actually yes, I breakdown what she doing back then at past, like, oh my god this is so infuriating! She do manipulation and lashing out in full of vengeful tendencies, she also downplayed a lot of mental illnesses, calling herself autistic is just not really accurate to her actual personality.

She's narcissistic.. of course she think that way even if she said it on OOC mode.

Yeah it is like whoa.

And honestly I'm offended sorry not sorry, like I spend times 5 years to get essential mental health treatments after I got out from Danganronpa after I'm ended it, I know it's not easy but sure to get 100 percent recovered and healed, but seeing her drama and whining posts is kinda make me angered and cringe, like damn..

especially this suicide baiting and vengeful harassment post that she do! I break it down okay she put a lot of nonsensical wishes and condemning her haters throwing shades into haters or naming her haters.. like..

She wish she never come back, she wish she never play obey me so she never be bullied, she wish she never discovered obey me community that she villainize a lot, she blames others saying be nice they say you'll be love they said she state it was a joke, she wish she never born so obey me community would've have anyone to obsess over, she wish she wasn't there as initial Jess or Nat.

Or any of her muse, she wish she beed aborted even if that better than she is, because she's thinking it's no use she's back to there, she said everyone was right she's cancer all she do is coming back, and she stated she sick by people told her to block and move on because she thinks they said that like it's really easy to do, if the backlash is non stop.

And top of that she sick of peoples come to her DMS to start something bad, and stated she didn't do anything wrong which is a lie, she wishes all her haters to rot, like casper wixx with his sisters, kiel, emma, mors, and haters to rot which is very vengeful and really toxic!

She whined she wished these petty ugly ass personalities the lot of them to rot too, and she don't care anyways and she also whined about she getting chewed and spat out, bro...

Hahahahah! That's really not so good to hear words, chewed and get spat out!? What kind words is that!? That screams "boo hoo I'm a victim" a lot!

And she stated she hate her life, she changed and never good enough another lie and she wished she was oofed, swerslide romantization there, and she stated she put up for month before she finally snapped..

Damn.. like okay okay that's too much! It was long years ago before I was debuted and 4 mages debuted right?

Exactly!

Heheh I know that kind of reaction but, she also latched into past.

Yeah she saying she's changed but it's a lie!

Duude, blud think she's changed but she stuck on past evil being.

Hahahah!

You're an abomination you know that, you better go to future to get slained by wanderers, no offense bro.

Hahah! And let me handle it.. I'mma firing my black ice on her! No offense too!

Dawnbreaker and Abysswalker Rafayel really nailed it! Hahahahah!

[sneckoil]

ok so i haven't watched housemd since i was a kid and just finished s1 and i am just. why is cameron written like that. genuinely her thing with house had me so completely lost this season. feels like a waste of a great actress but?? maybe I'm wrong?? she just feels so. empty as a character to me. regardless i would love to know what your opinion is on the character bc from what i remember it doesn't get better from here

I dont blame you ban-joey and I really appreciate your courage to send this off anon. We probably have the same experience. I watched house as a kid too (when I was 14, like 10 yrs ago) and hated her for being contrarian and inconsistent and in the way. But since then i’ve looked inward and found i was imposing double standards wrought by internalized misogyny. Anyway.

My opinions on cameron:

Number 1, if i were her i would shoot my shot with house too. excuse me. as if most of us on here are not just twenny… thirty somethings pining after old men. happily going on a monster truck date? getting a date in return for the old man to have me back on my team? Yeah. I respect the hustle. fuck that old man or whatever. marry him when he’s sick. phantom thread him

Number 2, liking Cameron is easy once you accept. That she is really really really not normal. I know this may be something you already know. But internalize it. She says something righteous but it doesnt mean that that is her defining trait. There is something so deeply wrong with her. I know you’re still on season 1 and Yes she Gets Worse but if you are working with the same lens as i am (that there’s something WRONG with her) then everything that happens makes sense. [spoilers] Of course youre only attracted to people when they’re sick and dying. Of course your reaction to being told youre boring is getting high on your patient’s drugs a few weeks away from your HIV test results. Of course you wanted to cheat on your dying husband with his best friend who comforted you while your husband was dying but you didn’t and you still haven’t after the fact he died. Of course you kept your dead husband’s sperm. Of course you wanted to kill a dictator but didnt, and then got pissed at your husband who Did kill him, a husband you actually felt nothing for and was hesitant to even let propose to you [/end spoilers] she’s so funny. If she were a guy they’d call her a messy bitch and love her for it. she has uncategorizable mental illnesses masking as a savior complex.

Number 3, you’re right about the emptiness on some level though. They wanted to write her out of the show and they did her so bad. And I’d say yeah she’s inconsistent as a character, but that goes for Everyone in this show. House isn’t consistent. Wilson isn’t consistent. None of them are consistent. Cameron is only as well-written as the writer who knows how to write her. I’ve suspected the only reason i hated her when I was 14 was she got in the way of hilson. But nowadays that stuff is so unserious to me. All i care about now is messy people being messy about other people

Number 4, she compels me. I like that she’s interesting. I don’t like most of her decisions, I disagree with her the most, but it’s interesting. She’s fun to Watch. She’s no Foreman (that guy is a case study in layers of character depth but that’s for another ramble) but that’s more than i can say for her than someone like, say, Chase LMAO

That being said if you dont like cameron then that’s fine 👍 we live in a society etc etc

I end with this (thank you jackie for putting this image on my feed)

[prodigal-explorer]

I disagree with the idea that basil is unforgivable because the entire point of Omori is forgiveness and grief.

To say that basil is irredeemable is to go against the theme of the game

homie...

hate to break it to you but actually the point of the game being forgiveness and grief doesn't mean that every character should be forgiven. everybody has different standards and morals and values when it comes to forgiveness. some people are able to forgive basil and others aren't, but the people who are able to forgive aren't inherently better or more "right" than the people who cannot. to say that the message of omori is "you should always forgive people no matter what they do to you" is brain-dead.

just because sunny and basil smiled at each other doesn't mean that all that damage was reversed, or that true forgiveness even happened.

the point of omori is not forgiving others.

it's forgiving YOURSELF.

that's why aubrey, kel, and hero's explicit reactions to the truth weren't shown in the game. because it's not supposed to be canon that they forgave sunny and basil. and the lesson is NOT that kel, aubrey, and hero SHOULD forgive sunny and basil.

it's easy for sunny and basil to forgive each other because they both royally fucked up each other and their friends.

what's not easy is kel, hero, and aubrey forgiving them because unlike sunny and basil, they had ZERO CHOICE in the matter when it came to the presentation of mari's death. they spent four years living a lie.

hero blamed himself, believing that he was a horrible boyfriend who caused mari's death by not being there for her and he was extremely depressed for years, which caused him to lose motivation for his number one favorite thing to do:

cook. as a result of hero's depression, kel was pushed aside and ignored by his parents, becoming something like a glass child to them, which led to him viewing himself as less important or worthy of love/attention than hero.

and don't even get me started on aubrey. the whole town turned against her, and nobody cared about her. not even her friends. the only person in the world who truly understood her was mari, and seeing her hung was the worst possible thing to happen to aubrey, a mentally ill little girl who already believed she was bad for everyone who cared about her.

if basil had JUST TOLD THE TRUTH. all of his friends' lives would have been infinitely better.

and i don't mean to like rag on basil without addressing sunny, but i never see sunny stans acting this idiotic and "holier-than-thou". now since you're so up in my business, i will explain myself more.

the biggest unforgiveable thing isn't even basil hanging mari. it's basil blatantly lying, and staying silent for four years, pretending to be innocent, painting himself as some victim, when really, the whole time, he was the reason why everything crumbled and destroyed itself.

it would be fucking stupid to walk out of playing that game saying, "well, aubrey, kel, and hero need to forgive basil for what he did because forgiveness is important."

that's easy for BASIL LOVERS to say because BASIL WAS NOT THE VICTIM IN THE SITUATION. HE WAS THE PERPETRATOR.

and furthermore, the game emphasizes self-forgiveness way more than forgiving others.

things only started to get better for basil and sunny when they started to forgive themselves. sunny's hallucinations were a manifestation of his shame and guilt. and shame and guilt are a result of being unable to forgive yourself. what the other characters did to support sunny was helpful, but it didn't solve the root of the problem. the only thing that really made something go away, the only thing that really brought color back to sunny's world was him letting go of that shame and guilt and allowing himself to keep going forward.

THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE GAME IS THIS: you cannot control how others react/respond to your bad actions. you cannot expect forgiveness out of anyone, and sometimes, you SHOULDNT. but the one thing you can control when you fuck up is how you pick yourself up and dust yourself off. how YOU move on from what you did so that you can grow and become a better person in the future.

and to me, that is a way more relevant, impactful, and TRUE message than the stupid, idiotic, honestly super problematic idea that "we should forgive and forget when people hurt us because they feel guilty". that's not being a good person. that's being spineless and devoid of values. just because i personally have experiences, traumas, and values that make me unable to truly forgive basil doesn't make me a bad person or someone who failed to understand the game's message. so before you come up in my ask box and attempt to shame me and accuse me of not understanding the game, brush up on it yourself, buddy.

[s-ephiroth]

ranting on here for once instead of twt (which is back for me!) because i'm too lazy for the thread format and i must yell A LOT

it's about cid, and angeal deniers in ec...

like, i'm absolutely hating the lengths some people have to go just to be all "cid will come first" or "i would prefer if cid came out first"

you can just say you prefer a character over another without dissing one of the characters, saying shit like "oh but he's just a bad zack clone/bootleg so he's not important the way cid is", "you're doing selective reading on the interview", "i'll quit the game if angeal comes first", "what's there to explore anyway," etc.

like excuse me if maybe i'm biased towards the guy, but being someone who does have some impact in sephiroth's life, i think angeal is much more important than "guy who has a beef with shinra over the space program and drives our airship"

sephiroth is a driving force of the main ff7 plot

if not for cloud chasing after sephiroth around the world, cid would stay in his near backwater rocket centered town yelling at shera and not going anywhere (aside from maybe driving the bronco around, if you consider rebirth additions and the implications of him owning the bronco in og)

sephiroth, cloud and aerith are the driving forces of the ff7 story and anything directly relating to them in any way will be always more important

angeal is sephiroth's friend (and if you read into it, sephiroth's anchor). sephiroth's behavior through cc is impacted by his friendship with him and genesis both; showcasing that sephiroth's loyalty is not fully shinra's, that he's willing to ignore orders, dump missions on others and make his own rules if that means possibly helping both angeal/genesis survive

hell, after angeal dies, before nibelheim and with genesis possibly still alive, sephiroth has enough of a wake up call and decides he'll abandon shinra depending on the circumstances

cloud's sword was angeal's before it was zack's, and aerith was there when zack mourned the loss of the guy by his own hands

cid's character arc is mostly done in og; he goes through the domestic violence arc and "i'll join you because that's dumb as fuck, i like that plan" to "oops, the woman i yelled at and scared and blamed all these years for something that i chose to do was actually right". he gets a few extra tidbits in the extended compilation (i.e: marrying shera, naming an airship after her, working for wro now, having met ifalna in the past) but they're afterthoughts. the character was already explored

all of this to say that people saying angeal has no/lesser importance to the narrative than cid is fucking insane shit

i get people not liking him (it's not easy to because we're given crumbs of character exploration and also the way people behave towards mentally ill characters not acting 100% as they claim their moral code to be), i get people not wanting to play as him for the possibility of Yet Another Sword User™, i get people liking cid for whatever reason

but the fact that they feel they're obliged to jump into the discussion whenever someone shows the slightest amount of angeal hype in the chat to go "but naaah, cid is in the data, so cid gotta be first uwu" or "cid superior" or some other crap? it's driving me nuts

like imagine being so against the exploration of a character who needs it because he got crumbs in canon that need expanding to also further the main antagonist's tale, to the point you have to use other character already being in the data as justification

just say you're an og purist and go at that point, smh

"oh, i'll quit if angeal is first"

it'll be fucking hilarious if that happens, would love seeing that kind of person quit so much

[sclfmastery]

im sorry if this is a bother but because i know you're also disabled and are/were involved in academia i wanted to ask something.

im a student in senior year (18) and im chronically ill. in the first quarter my school basically allowed me to do "weighted work" because i got super sick and was incredibly behind and it was the only way for me to catch up.

in the second quarter i did good and got straight As. but now the third quarter is closing and im thinking of asking for a medical exemption.

obviously no pressure to answer but if you had a student who basically got off easy in the first quarter and then is now looking for a medical exemption for the third would you think they were lazy?

i swear im actually smart. like i have a 4.0 GPA. its just that this year my health got really bad.

sorry to ask and have a nice day!! may it be *lightning strike sound effect* masterful

First things first: You are NOT lazy, and I would never think so. Any faculty, school counselor, or student resources coordinator who is good at their job would recognize this. Unfortunately, your fear of being perceived as something you are not (something that may, in fact, not exist in the first place) is based in being surrounded by abled (and ableist) systems, and societies. You can still navigate them, even though it is and will be frustrating.

I want to tell you something about myself: I have one major regret in life, and that is that I cared more about being perceived as a hard worker and "good kid" than I cared about RESTING. I got a 4.0 every semester of undergrad and graduate school, too. I took only ONE medical leave of absence in 12 years of higher ed schooling. I put my Type 1 diabetes on the back burner and let my A1c run way too high, so I could make all those meetings and writing deadlines, conferences and committees. And today my kidneys are three percentile points away from totally failing. I'm only 41 years old and soon I will be going on dialysis (temporarily, while I find a kidney donor, but that whole process won't be fun).

I don't blame myself, or think I'm "bad" for my choices, but I wish I'd had different priorities. I am proud of what I achieved academically and of the relationship I have with my students--but I didn't need to forsake self-care, physical and mental, to the extent that I did, in order to get where I now am.

Take the medical exemption. You are worth it. <3. High school senior year will be there when you're feeling better. College will be there when you're feeling better. And if it's a matter of turning down a scholarship to a specific university, you can speak to the campus disability resources coordinator about your situation. Big hugs from me. I am proud of you for seeking answers. It's the first step to self-advocacy.

If you need any more specific advice about the process, I can provide the perspective of an American educator, and I can try and ask friends from other parts of the world about the process if you're not also in the States.

Hang in there. You are ALSO.... * * * MASTERFUL * * * lol <3

[theambitiouswoman]

Hi, I found your tumblr recently and I...need help. I don't have a lot of people to talk to. Not my mom, siblings, no one. I'm kind of the dark horse in the family. But long story short, is it wrong to have thoughts that can take your life permanently if you've always been alone because of your mental illness/disability? I have been taking steps to improve, like watching self-help videos and talking to therapist but I am deemed "unhelpable" or "unsaved". I didn't know depression and multiple personality disorder can make therapist stop talking to you. Sorry, just need a strong voice

Hi friend, I wanted to answer you because I didn't want you to feel ignored. However, I am not equipped to really advice you on this. I am really sorry that you are going through this. Depression can be extremely debilitating and it is something you can't force your way out of. In my humble opinion, I think this adds more stress on you. I am the dark horse of my family too and it has always been difficult to have them understand me. I am also always the one to blame for problems too. Which can feel very exhausting on its own, but especially worse when we are not emotionally in a good place.

I think, thoughts like the one you mentioned are more common than you think. Intrusive thoughts are dangerous. I don't know exactly but more than 1/4 of people suffer with depression at least once in their life. As for the intrusive thoughts, I think it would be good for you to decide in your mind that you are going to have these thoughts. This way you can talk yourself through and out of them.

You should not feel this way. And honestly I feel so bad that you do. It seems like you are making an effort to work through this. And you are right, I agree. Videos, books and talking to people can only do so much.

I know I am very tough love on here, but the reality is, there is no timeline for you to get through this. I just know and believe that you can. It won't be easy. But you have to try to make an effort to do the best you can every day, with whatever you can. Just try. Even if you don't get very far. That is okay.

I think its very important for you to rebuild yourself, and this involves looking at the situation differently. So maybe start there. You are in this position and you want to get out of it. Try to make an effort, when you can to begin exercises that will help you feel good about yourself. From exercise, to working on a hobby or talent you may have. To something as simple as getting dressed. Yes, I know sometimes we literally just can't. But trying even in your mind, starts to switch the chemistry of your brain. This is important because the first person who needs to recognize how valuable you really are, is you.

In regards to therapy, have you tried seeing another therapist? Maybe that therapist specifically is not equipped to deal with your specific situation. Which is actually a real thing, so it is not a reflection of you being hopeless.

I hope you heal and get through this. You are not alone in this situation nor do you deserve to be in it. Depression is not a reflection of who you are, or have the potential to be as a person. Sending you so much love <33

[teddy-the-queer-wizard]

i think. i might actually come out to my fam this year.

not the best time to transition, i know, what with trump in office and our ability to actually transition probably in danger because of it.

and like. i do have concerns about my ability to transition at work. its not that i care much its that. my job requires a security clearance - and they might consider me a problem if im trans. idk. havent looked into it.

the thing is. im tired. right now literally but also very much figuratively.

i dont. go after things i want. not things that matter you know?

oh new game came out I want to play? Ill make it happen obviously.

need to make time to hop on call with friend? ill try and work it in.

but i am. 33, nearly 34.

i did not figure out what i wanted to go to college for - because i was told what i should do, and every attempt to do things i wanted to do instead was corrected.

i kinda fell up into my jobs by having many mental breakdowns, not going to work until i lost my job, panic, immediately look for something I was probably capable of doing, and accepting any terms and conditions they gave me to get me the job.

i have had this job for a while - i mean technically i got promoted twice, but same location for five years isnt bad.

but like. i dont even decorate my room. like its not permanent. its transitory and doesnt really belong to me so whats the point.

thats kinda how it feels my whole life had been. not belonging to me, transitory, and pointless to even try because my efforts have no real value or meaning.

i dont really know what i want. but im working on just. going after things i think will make me happy.

and i like being called sir. would like my tits gone. maybe kinda sorta want some other things to go along with all that too.

Theodore Marshall Hyde isn't a bad name, I like being called teddy - or Theodore Roosevelt the 26th president of the united states - and my middle name already starts with M so why not go after my grandfather's middle name and be Marshall? Also I can be T M Hyde - like technical machine "hide" which is fun.

i could probably grow a long wizard beard - though beards look like a lotta upkeep and if my dads anything to go by i wont be reaching zz top lengths any time soon.

like. i came on here in 2015, and i learned a lot i didnt know about trans people, met some, and was kinda like "wish that were me". 2018 i decided fuck it. it is me. i want it.

and even if. i doubt and think i dont want it enough. or im not really. or its just grass is always greener. or or or. - hell the worst that can happen is a few changes that i cant reverse and a some i can.

but its. been. 6-7 years of me just. sitting on it and seeing if itd go away.

it hasnt.

and like. while sometimes i still try to dig around in my head to "prove" its real and not just. idk. some left over childish thing. i don't. actually. have to prove anything to anyone?

thats why. i might actually come out to my fam and then get the ball rolling.

my aunt kinda. proved. that it really doesnt fucking matter what i do, know, say, believe - whatever - that ill probably never get her approval or support or anything other than her trying to prove she knows not only everything else better than i do, but me better than i know myself.

and im tired of it.

like. my parents in comparison are easy.

my dad might call me a dumbass or say he doesnt agree with it. but like. if im willing to waste time energy money resources blood sweat and tears on it. then. on my head so be it. like. i really think he'll go "no, youre not" but like if i want to be stupid about it, he's not gonna like. try and stop me. if i dont take his advice, as long as he a) doesnt get blamed for it all going wrong when you should have done what he said and b) gets to say i told you so when it blows up in your face then. hes pretty much going to just scoff occasionally and leave it alone. (i think)

momll never see me as anything other than her daughter. she will get my pronouns wrong. she will go around telling everyone and their brother that im trans. she will still love me and try and support me no matter what though.

my aunt will be... a problem. i just. cant deal with her being a problem any more.

i dont want to want to avoid going home every day because i dont want to run into her. i dont wamt to play "yes man" in every conversation just tonget the conversation over faster or to keep her happy. i dont want to be... upset any more. or hurt.

i am. so tired.

i dont want 20 questions i dont have the answers to, or the endless whys. or the patronizing laugh because she knows better than you. or that shell go and do her own research and find that actually i cant be trans not only because of personal anecdotes but also science says so.

i. do not care. what anyone says.

i want this.

it will hurt no one but me.

it will not hurt me or inconvenience me more than many other things i could be doing instead or in any way that i am not willing to live with.

i will probably end up happier because of it.

it will be a trial but i will get through it.

i dont want the latest facts and figures. i will do my own research.

i need to sleep. i just.

like if i cant win with my aunt then the win condition is basically telling her i do not care what you think or know, it is in fact none of your business and also when i say indo not want to talk aboht aomething that is not a green light for you to try to bully me into talking anyways.

like. im going to try to work things out to where I know what i kinda want to sorta maybe do and work towards this year.

this is just one of the things.

[smiles-advice]

Hi so I'm just looking for some advice cause I've gotten myself into a bit of an awkward situation because of how I badly handled a different one?

So I blocked my ex a while back without actually telling him or warning. We'd fallen out of contact for a few months and I had been hoping it would stay that way so that I wouldn't have to actually do anything. But he started messaging me again out of the blue (I think to pad out asking for my help with something? but I'm not too sure). I did talk to him again for a bit but blocked him pretty quick.

For reference the reason is that he makes me really uncomfortable? I feel like he only talks to me when he wants something from me and when it's not for that reason he can be just really mean. Like just outright insulting me to my face as if it's a normal thing to do? Also he used to constantly break into my place with no warning which was just god awful but I couldn't say anything because like... If you upset someone who can break into your place mmm possibly bad consequences???? And it led me to be really anxious all the time and I ended up spiraling into the worst place mentally I've ever been?

I haven't talked to him about any of this because it quite frankly didn't seem like a good option. The one time I did tell him that he'd upset me he immediately started saying about how he was feeling suicidal which is just manipulation 101 and I know I'm a very easy person to manipulate so it's better to not put myself at risk of that.

Like I literally didn't even mention it when we split I just blamed it on my mental health and left it at that.

The problem now is that I'm trying to make new friends at uni and join new societies and I feel like every one I've joined he's also joined. (We have a lot in common so it's not surprising really) But I'm nervous now that there's going to be some sort of confrontation which I don't know if I'll be able to handle? Or I'm worried he'll talk shit about me to everyone and I won't manage to make any friends. I don't think he would actually do that because I don't think he's a bad person- I'm just pretty anxious about it all right now. I'm hoping it'll be a non-issue but ???????? I'm just not sure atp???

I know this is 100% on me for not communicating with him so I shouldn't really complain- but in my defence he does kinda scare me a little

Hiya!

First of all, apologies for the late reply. Got some bad news then fell ill, so I'm just a useless mess as always.

I don't think this is on you at all! I think this guy is displaying really scary behaviours and you're not at fault for trying to avoid a confrontation. If he scares you, he scares you, and that's not your fault.

I'd seriously recommend logging this with the authorities if you feel comfortable, especially the part where he's broken into your place on multiple occasions. and definitely talk to the university (I can't for the life of me think about what the head is called other than principal but that sounds too high school). But it needs to be on record somewhere, and maybe your uni can help separate you in some way.

also tell your friends and family! People you trust! don't be afraid in silence.

Best of luck, all my love your way, stay safe!

[oysters-aint-for-me]

just stupid venting about mental illness etc.

ugh i don’t feel great and i thought it was allergies because i woke up with a bloody nose and a really itchy face and i’ve had a tickle in my throat but i told my dad about it and he was like “oh you’re probably getting what i had” which was some sort of bad cold/flu-like thing (not The flu but similar symptoms) and of course he says it all offhand because he’s not mentally ill and being sick isn’t a big deal to him. but now i’m really upset because the last two times i’ve been sick i have had the WORST sore throat, like, i was in tears, and i don’t want to go through that again, and now i’m dreading when it’ll hit hard, like watching a truck headed my way but i can’t move. AND this weekend is my birthday and it is the first time i’ve been like sort of okay with my birthday in several years. so of COURSE i would be sick this year meaning i won’t do anything for my birthday which ironically is all i have wanted for my birthday for the past 6 years EXCEPT THIS YEAR! but you know what, it doesn’t mean even matter, because everyone else already made plans to do other shit on my birthday so it already felt like people were trying to squeeze it into their busy normal healthy lives until i just gave up and decided what i was going to be doing by myself (LOTR marathon) and if other people want to show up they can. so yeah, that means it’ll just be me and my mom and my dad because no one else can fit me in. idk it’s like. the past several birthdays i have been forced to celebrate them even though i EXTREMELY didn’t want to, like, at all, i have been so profoundly uncomfortable every year, but i made myself go through with it with a smile because people want to be nice to you on your birthday and they get weird if you’re weird about it because then it’s like “uh oh now we have to comfort the mentally ill birthday person awkwaaard” and anyway i already didn’t care and so i just let them do whatever they wanted because at least it made them happy, you know? liek whatever, just go limp and go along with it. but this year i felt like i could actually try a little, and so i tried. and it didn’t even make a fucking difference. now, i know that getting sick right before my birthday isn’t like, some sort of narrative metaphor about how i’m doomed to unhappiness or part of some scheme where the universe is conspiring against me specifically. i know that. i know germs are random and that people are busy and that no one probably really paid enough attention (and i can’t fault them for that, it’s not like i made it easy) to realize how uninvolved and unhappy i have been in my past several birthdays so why would they think this one is particularly special. people don’t know what they don’t know and i can’t expect them to read my mind. i know that. but i wish i didn’t. i wish could give myself permission to feel irrationally angry or to blame something or someone else other than myself. i wish i could cite this information and then go wide with it and conclude that this is yet more evidence that i shouldn’t try to “get better.” but i know all of that is illogical and i know that other people would use cognitive behavioral logic against it if i told them and i know that they would be RIGHT. and i also know that none of that would change how i feel. and no, i don’t know 100% for sure that it wouldn’t help, that’s not logical either, but i do have a lifetime of experience so i can make a p good guess. but whatever, anyway i’m gonna be sick on my birthday anyway and i’ll be miserable just like i have been the last 6 years. so fuck me, i guess! ugh sorry anyway if you read this far thank you for “listening” 💜 i don’t feel better but it did make some time go by so eh you win some you lose some

[knightelf-archive]

still thinking about the substance nonstop and for spoilers sake ill just readmore it

im not daying anything that hasnt already been said before i think but its something it takes time for you to really recognize bc like....it was a little confusing at first while watching since it doesnt reapoy explicitly say that Elisabeth and Sue share a concience, but I definitely think they did. I think they carry the memory of each others lives in them but its a dreamy, far away thing thats easy for them both to seperate from themselves if that makes sense? Like i think its genuinely a metaphor for substance abuse bc even though when Sue wakes up she acts surprised and disgusted by Elisabeth's nosedive, I think some part of her knows/understands what shes putting Elisabeth through, like from the moment she first wakes up she's anxiously tender to her. She's supposedly this brand new person from our point of view, but she has enough understanding of the situation to take care of her and stitch her back up without having to be told to. She doesnt need to learn how to read or speak or walk. She knows who she is and that is Elisabeth. But subtances that make life liveable without the anxieties that plague you delibitatingly regularly is so addictive that even though you KNOW youre hurting yourself, you KNOW you're stealing time and health away from nobidy but YOU, in the moment you're willing to sacrifice yourself for it. It's worth it. Even as Elisabeth deteriorates faster and faster and she KNOWS its irreversable damage, she still makes the choice to take the risk and continue doing so because being Sue is the exact answer to the experiences she's been chasing since her glory days of being happily exploited by Hollywood bc at least the disgusting people around her adored her. She craves that acceptance more than she loves herself, and to her loving herself means tearing herself apart at ANY cost. And Sue knows that too, but mentally seperates herself from Elisabeth because she IS the manifestation of Elisabeth getting everything that she wants so desperately shes willing to kill herself for it. and sue KNOWS THAT!!! SHE KNOWSSSS THAT and maybe even uses it as an excuse to keep pushing Elisabeth way passed the limit because isn't that exactly what they want???? Even when Elisabeth is lying comatose after a month of overuse Sue still speaks to her and gives excuses like she can hear her because she Is that little voice we have when we're reasoning with our future selves. "Just one more time, just one last drink, we can't stop now, just a little longer". No matter how bad the consequences have gotten, no matter how much pain I've felt or how close to death I've thought I was, I always had an excuse to go back to the bottle during the worst times in my life. Even when I did things that horrified me, made me question my morals, did things that turned me into a monster, that little voice always ends up back in my head because that voice is ME. And I can cry and scream and suffer shame or disgust or self loathing all I want, there was only ever myself to blame but the few hours of relief I would get from my own mind was worth ruining whatever future me would have to deal with, and I knew she would agree. She would hate me, but she would agree. It's all still true even in the end with Monstro, not even bothering to stitch Sue up because she knew her time was limited but she was still chasing that feeling of acceptance and even though she became her own worst nightmare, she still trudged on and tried to damage control what she could and got on that stage because they Had to love her. She Had to get up there. They were going to love her. There was no other option. There was nothing else in the world that mattered but finding that glory again and she destroyed herself to get it, at all costs, no turning back no matter what. And she did. She got that last dazzle, that final moment in the golden light on the symbol of her dreams. It didn't matter that she was dying, the last thing she would ever feel on earth was living in that moment where she was Elisabeth Sparkle, beloved by all. God

[tkeyahwrotethis]

I remember, I remember when I lost my mind. There was something so pleasant about that place.

I met someone new in group today.

I feel so boring compared to these other ladies... lol which is kind of a relief.

The lady I matched up with today was... married. With actually a really nice ring. I'm super curious to know like why... is a married woman in a counseling group for single mothers?

She explained to me that she and her husband had known each other since they were teenagers. He was her first love and once they were in college they started struggling with substance abuse. She got help for her issues but his mental health got really bad, worse than hers, even though they both suffer from mental illness. He started becoming emotionally and physically abusive towards her and then she got pregnant and it somehow got even worse. Their child is 3 now. She realized he was never going to change because she tried to get him therapy and on medication to help him and he never wanted the help. He started being resentful of her and blaming her for things that could in no way be her fault if she tried but he needed a scapegoat.

"I sat him down as my best friend, someone I known for half my life and told him I needed a divorce because he's hurting our family. we both cried about it but he understood and told me he'd give me what I wanted. Why did this nigga start acting SUPER CRAZY. He started doing things that made the cops have to pick him up and admit him into mental health facilities for months at a time so he wouldn't have to legally sign the divorce papers"

(I chucked because that's literally so hilarious)

"She's like that's where we're at right now. I beg him and plead to him to sign the papers, we cry, and he agrees and says he will do whatever I want him to do, he wants me to move on and be happy then he goes and does some crazy shit that he goes away and never signs the fucking divorce papers. I feel like he's making me crazy again because why won't he just sign the papers?

Fast forward to today, I've moved out and I consider us separated even though he won't legally divorce me. I'm truly hurt by everything he's put me through but I decided to start dating. I connected with this guy he just got out of a toxic relationship with his bm, and they have 2 kids together. I have real feelings for this new guy but there's some red flags. He constantly compares me to his babymother when it comes to how I choose to raise my daughter and run my house but in the same breath will say he wishes he met me before he met her. It gets annoying. Then whenever my bd is home I try to get him help, I try to get him to sign the papers, and I'm still wearing the ring. So I'm not perfect either because I know that annoys my boyfriend. Like I always have one foot out the door in my old life."

She started looking to me asking for advice.

I basically told her that the easy answer is she needs to leave her bd alone. you cannot reason with crazy people. they will never feel like they're in the wrong. he's blaming you for shit that could never be your fault... but she kept making excuses for her bd so I feel like she's not closing the door on him right now.

I told her I don't really know my bd that well, random tinder hookup. He doesn't want to be a father so I'm doing it alone. I showed her pictures of my baby. She was like wow she's so beautiful she looks like a white version of you !! that made me giggle.

I kept thinking to myself .... what kinda sex mentally ill people be having lol