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lolpuns · 1 month ago

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50+ Rising Yeast Puns That Will Get You on a Roll | Baking Humor for All

https://lolpuns.com/?p=1942 50+ Rising Yeast Puns That Will Get You on a Roll | Baking Humor for All Looking for a way to make your friends laugh until they’re in pain de campagne? Yeast puns might be exactly what you knead! We’ve risen to the occasion and gathered the most hilarious yeast-related wordplay that’s sure to get a rise out of anyone. Table of Contents Toggle 10 Rising Yeast Puns That Will Get You Rolling With LaughterWhy Bakers Knead A Good Laugh: The Power Of Yeast PunsThe Science Behind Why Food Puns Rise Above The RestHow Yeast Puns Help Create A Positive Culinary CultureLoafing Around: Classic Yeast Puns That Never Go StaleBread-Based Wordplay That’s Always FreshSourdough Humor For The Cultured CrowdProof That Yeast Puns Can Be Both Punny And EducationalIncorporating Yeast Humor Into Cooking ClassesFermentation Facts Disguised As JokesYeast Meets West: International Bread Humor Across CulturesCore Yeast PunsCultural AdaptationsTransnational ThemesSocial Media’s Favorite Yeast-Related Hashtags And MemesPopular Yeast PunsSocial Media HashtagsMemes and TrendsMerchandiseHow To Incorporate Yeast Puns Into Your Next Baking PartyEvent Naming & BrandingActivity-Driven HumorInteractive Decor & LabelsIcebreaker ConversationsSocial Media IntegrationPerfect Timing: When To Drop A Yeast Pun For Maximum EffectBaking-Related SettingsCelebratory EventsMotivational MomentsSeasonal CelebrationsEducational SettingsMarketing OpportunitiesThe Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread: Creating Your Own Yeast PunsMaster the Homophone SwapKnead in Baking TerminologyRise Above with Compound PunsCreate Verbal SubstitutionsDevelop Situational HumorCreate Metaphorical WordplayKeep It Short and SweetTest Your CreationsConclusion: Let Your Humor Rise With These Dough-Lightful PunsFrequently Asked QuestionsWhat makes yeast puns so popular?How can I use yeast puns in a baking event?What are some classic yeast puns that have stood the test of time?How do yeast puns help with education?Do yeast puns translate across different cultures?How has social media influenced yeast puns?When is the best time to use yeast puns?How can I create my own yeast puns? 10 Rising Yeast Puns That Will Get You Rolling With Laughter I knead you in my life – Relationships rise and fall, but this pun proves that good connections require kneading, just like perfect dough. Your friends will appreciate this tender yet hilarious wordplay that works for Valentine’s cards or everyday affection. You’re toast – This classic phrase takes on new meaning when applied to yeast contexts. Bakers love this double entendre that functions both as a playful threat and a nod to the delicious end product of yeast’s hard work. Let’s get this bread – Modern slang meets baking terminology in this perfectly proofed pun. Everyone understands the hustle culture reference while appreciating the literal bread-making connection. Life is what you bake it – Philosophical wordplay brings depth to your yeast humor arsenal. Friends who enjoy contemplative humor will appreciate this thoughtful twist on the familiar “life is what you make it” saying. Don’t be sour, dough – Comfort your grumpy friends with this perfectly timed pun. The clever play on sourdough makes this quip perfect for diffusing tense situations with a sprinkle of bakery wisdom. Yeast of your worries – Anxiety meets baking in this calming play on words. Your stressed colleagues will smile at this punny version of “least of your worries” during challenging situations. That’s how we roll – Bakery methodology becomes cool attitude with this smooth pun. Friend groups adopt this as their unofficial motto after hearing it just once at brunch conversations. Rising to the occasion – Achievement meets baking science in this motivational wordplay. Sports teams particularly enjoy this encouraging phrase before big games or competitions. You’re on a roll – Success sequences get the yeast treatment with this confidence-boosting pun. Compliment someone’s winning streak with this bakery-inspired play on words that acknowledges their achievements. Flour power – Strength and baking ingredients combine in this groovy retro pun. The 60s-inspired wordplay works wonderfully when discussing baking achievements or kitchen victories with friends who appreciate vintage references. Why Bakers Knead A Good Laugh: The Power Of Yeast Puns The Science Behind Why Food Puns Rise Above The Rest Food puns, especially those centered around yeast, engage our brains in unique ways that standard humor often doesn’t. The cognitive processes involved in recognizing wordplay create unexpected connections between culinary concepts, triggering that satisfying chuckle we all enjoy. These clever linguistic twists make us process familiar baking terms in completely new contexts. When someone says they’re “in yeast mode” instead of “beast mode,” our minds work through multiple layers of meaning simultaneously. This mental exercise activates different parts of our brain, making yeast puns particularly memorable and shareable. Their effectiveness stems from the universal understanding of what yeast does – it makes things rise, creating a perfect foundation for wordplay that everyone can appreciate regardless of their baking knowledge. How Yeast Puns Help Create A Positive Culinary Culture Yeast puns serve as more than just casual jokes – they’re essential ingredients in fostering community among food enthusiasts. We’ve noticed these playful expressions strengthen bonds between bakers, creating an inclusive atmosphere where shared laughter becomes part of the culinary experience. Kitchens transform from serious workspaces into lighthearted environments when someone declares their bread is “the yeast they can do.” Professional discussions about fermentation techniques become more approachable and captivating when sprinkled with phrases like “rise above the rest.” Creativity flourishes in this relaxed atmosphere, encouraging bakers to experiment not just with recipes but with how they communicate about their create. The Yeaster Bunny and other playful characters have become beloved figures in bakery circles, demonstrating how these puns transcend mere wordplay to become cultural touchpoints that unite people through a common language of food-based humor. Loafing Around: Classic Yeast Puns That Never Go Stale These timeless yeast puns have been making people chuckle for generations, proving that good humor, like well-made bread, never goes stale. Bread-Based Wordplay That’s Always Fresh “Rise above” is perhaps the most versatile yeast pun that works in almost any situation, playing on yeast’s natural rising action in baking. We often hear bakers encourage others with “Yeast goes into everything; it’s just a rise above the rest!” when facing kitchen challenges. “The yeast you can do is try” offers motivational wordplay that substitutes “least” with “yeast” for an encouraging message that’s both funny and thoughtful. Location-based humor also thrives with phrases like “From the yeast coast to the yeast coast!” replacing “east” with “yeast” for a geographical joke that spans the country. These classic puns remain popular because they’re simple yet clever, making them perfect for breaking the ice at bakery gatherings or cooking classes. Sourdough Humor For The Cultured Crowd Fans of fermentation particularly appreciate the more sophisticated “Yeast is a fungi you can do” pun, which plays on yeast’s biological classification while offering encouragement. We’ve noticed that cultured crowds love the exchange-based joke “What did the yeast say to the dough? Rise and shine!” which personifies ingredients in a charming morning scenario. “Yeast, feast, and be merry!” transforms the traditional saying into a baking-themed celebration phrase that’s especially popular during holiday baking seasons. Another favorite among sourdough enthusiasts is “I’m yeast-ing for some fresh bread,” creating a verb form of yeast to express desire or craving. These more nuanced puns connect particularly well with those who understand the art and science of bread-making, creating a shared language among sourdough aficionados who appreciate both the chemistry and comedy of fermentation. Proof That Yeast Puns Can Be Both Punny And Educational Yeast puns cleverly blend humor with educational content, serving as effective mnemonic devices for understanding complex fermentation concepts. These witty wordplays not only entertain but also reinforce important baking principles in a memorable way. Incorporating Yeast Humor Into Cooking Classes Culinary instructors regularly use yeast puns to transform technical instruction into captivating learning experiences. Phrases like “Let’s loaf it up!” or “Don’t be a loaf-er” effectively introduce teamwork concepts while keeping the atmosphere light. During hands-on demonstrations, instructors often share jokes such as “What did the yeast say to the dough? Rise and shine!” to simplify the fermentation process for students. These humorous connections make technical steps more approachable and memorable. Event themes like “Feast and Yeast” or promoting a workshop as the “bread event of the year” create an inviting atmosphere that significantly reduces intimidation for novice bakers. We’ve found that collaborative prompts like “knead your help” emphasize the importance of working together in the kitchen, making complex baking processes feel more manageable through shared humor. Fermentation Facts Disguised As Jokes Yeast puns brilliantly conceal scientific principles within their humor, making complex concepts digestible. The joke “Yeast makes everything better, but don’t ask it to be the life of the party!” cleverly alludes to yeast’s anaerobic respiration process. Similarly, puns like “I put some yeast in my broth. The results were soup rising” humorously illustrate the CO₂ production that occurs during fermentation. Creative wordplays such as “How does yeast stay in shape? It does dough-robics!” metaphorically describe the metabolic activity that occurs as yeast cells convert sugars. Terms like “Yeast Mode” anthropomorphize the microscopic organisms, helping students better retain knowledge about yeast’s crucial role in dough expansion. These playful linguistic connections transform abstract scientific concepts into approachable, bite-sized lessons that stick with learners long after the class ends. Yeast Meets West: International Bread Humor Across Cultures Core Yeast Puns Bread humor transcends borders with wordplay that’s universally appreciated. Medical-themed jokes like “Why did the bread go to the doctor? Because he had a yeast infection” cleverly blend baking biology with cheeky terminology that works across many cultures. Musical references transform famous bands into bread-themed counterparts, with “Bread Zeppelin” reimagining the iconic rock group with a doughy twist. Financial wordplay appears in many cultures where bakers visit banks seeking “dough” – brilliantly playing on the dual meaning of money and bread ingredients. Cultural Adaptations Different countries adapt bread humor to reflect their unique baking traditions. German-influenced puns like “Gluten tag” merge the traditional greeting “Guten Tag” with gluten, creating multilingual wordplay that connects different cultures. French bread jokes often center around their famous loaves with phrases like “They baguette,” humorously transforming the iconic bread into a verb. Grain-exact humor appears in jokes like “Why did rye bread win at poker? It had a great poker ‘rye’ face,” showing how exact ingredients inspire culturally-relevant puns. Transnational Themes Some bread jokes work everywhere because they tap into universal experiences. Baker psychology becomes a fertile ground for humor with lines like “Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded help,” using the homophone between kneading dough and needing assistance. Work ethic gets the bread treatment with phrases like “a labor of loaf,” cleverly reframing “labor of love” around the bread-making process. While strictly yeast-exact jokes are less common than general bread humor, fermentation terminology creates a special category of cross-cultural jokes that bridge language barriers through shared baking concepts. Social Media’s Favorite Yeast-Related Hashtags And Memes Popular Yeast Puns Social media platforms have embraced yeast puns with open arms, creating a vibrant community of baking enthusiasts who share their witty creations. “Rise and shine, it’s yeast time!” stands out as one of the most shared phrases across platforms, perfectly capturing the morning energy that both bakers and bread require. Users frequently post “Feeling yeast-invigorated!” when sharing their successful sourdough starters or freshly baked loaves. “Yeast, feast, and be merry!” has become a holiday season favorite, appearing in countless captions for festive baking photos. Many relationship-themed posts feature “You’re the yeast I could do!” as a playful expression of affection between food lovers. The motivational phrase “The yeast you can do is try” regularly appears in posts about baking challenges and first-time bread making attempts. Social Media Hashtags Tracking yeast humor across platforms has never been easier thanks to dedicated hashtags that connect baking enthusiasts worldwide. #YeastPuns leads the pack as the primary tag for bread-related wordplay, creating a searchable collection of fermentation humor. #BakingPuns broadens the scope to include all baking humor while still featuring plenty of yeast-centered jokes. #FoodieHumor captures a wider audience of culinary enthusiasts who appreciate clever wordplay related to all aspects of cooking and baking. These hashtags help content creators reach their target audience and allow followers to discover new accounts that share their passion for baking humor. Memes and Trends Yeast memes have risen to popularity with the same enthusiasm as freshly proofed dough. Instagram features countless images of dramatic before-and-after sourdough starter photos captioned with exaggerated reactions to successful fermentation. Twitter users regularly share short-form yeast jokes that spread rapidly through the platform’s retweet function. Facebook groups dedicated to home baking have become hotspots for sharing visual puns featuring yeast packets with googly eyes or dough shaped into pun-related forms. These memes create a sense of community among bakers who understand the exact joys and frustrations of working with yeast. Merchandise The popularity of yeast puns has expanded beyond digital spaces into physical products that baking enthusiasts proudly display. Redbubble offers a wide selection of t-shirts featuring phrases like “Let’s get this bread” and “Rise to the occasion” that allow bakers to wear their passion. Stickers adorned with yeast puns are frequently spotted on laptops, water bottles, and baking equipment, serving as badges of honor for dedicated bread makers. Decorative posters featuring artistically rendered yeast puns have become popular kitchen decor items, adding both humor and style to culinary spaces. This merchandise demonstrates how yeast humor has developed from simple social media posts into a recognizable aspect of baking culture with real-industry applications. How To Incorporate Yeast Puns Into Your Next Baking Party Event Naming & Branding Crafting a punny title sets the tone for your entire baking event. We recommend options like “Feast & Yeast” or “Rise & Shine Baking Party” to immediately establish the humorous theme. Your invitations can feature clever lines such as “Dough not miss this!” or “Let’s get this yeast party started!” to build excitement before guests even arrive. These themed invitations create anticipation and signal to attendees that wordplay will be a key ingredient of your gathering. Activity-Driven Humor Recipe cards offer perfect opportunities to incorporate yeast puns throughout the baking process. Try labeling instructions with phrases like “Knead here for success” or “Proof you can do it!” to keep spirits high during challenging steps. For group activities, organize competitions with names like “The Great British Yeast Off” or “Bread Winner Challenge” to foster friendly rivalry. These activity-based puns maintain the theme while providing practical guidance for your baking tasks. Interactive Decor & Labels Strategic placement of punny signage transforms your baking space into an immersive experience. Position signs reading “Yeast Mode: Activated” near workstations or “Caution: Dough-lightful Zone Ahead” on oven doors to create laugh-worthy moments throughout your venue. Food labels present another creative opportunity with descriptions like “Sourdough? More like flour-dough!” or “Banana Bread: A-peeling Choice” for your finished baked goods. These visual elements reinforce your theme at every turn. Icebreaker Conversations Jokes centered around yeast naturally stimulate conversation among guests who may not know each other. Share lines like “Why did the yeast break up with the dough? It needed space to rise!” or “What’s yeast’s favorite song? ‘Rolling in the Dough'” to break the ice. Organizing pun contests encourages participation with guests creating their own phrases such as “I loaf you a latte” or “This party’s on a roll!” These interactive elements transform passive attendees into active participants. Social Media Integration Hashtags extend your event’s reach beyond physical boundaries while maintaining the punny theme. Suggest tags like #YeastieBoys or #BunBelievable for guests to use when sharing photos online. Creating a dedicated “Proofing Station” photo backdrop with “Rise and Shine!” prop signs provides Instagram-worthy moments that guests will eagerly share. This digital extension ensures your clever yeast puns reach a wider audience while creating lasting memories for participants. Perfect Timing: When To Drop A Yeast Pun For Maximum Effect Baking-Related Settings Baking environments create the perfect foundation for yeast puns to truly shine. During bread-making demonstrations, phrases like “Rise and shine!” naturally connect with the process unfolding before everyone’s eyes. Professional bakers often incorporate “Last but not yeast!” when explaining ingredients, creating an instant connection between the wordplay and the actual baking activity. These puns work exceptionally well when participants can see the dough rising in real-time, making the humor both relevant and visually reinforced. Celebratory Events Food-centered gatherings offer prime opportunities for memorable yeast wordplay. Dinner parties become more entertaining when hosts announce, “Yeast or famine, we’re going to have a great time tonight!” Bakery openings generate excitement with slogans like “Feast and Yeast party!” that highlight the essential role of yeast in creating delicious offerings. These celebratory contexts allow the humor to enhance the festive atmosphere while drawing attention to culinary achievements. Motivational Moments Professional and personal growth scenarios benefit from yeast-based encouragement. Team meetings gain inspiration from phrases like “The yeast we can do is try,” connecting effort with potential growth. Coaching sessions become more memorable with “Rise to the occasion,” leveraging yeast’s expanding action as a powerful metaphor for perseverance and improvement. These puns work especially well during challenging projects that require patience and development over time. Seasonal Celebrations Holiday events provide natural timing for themed yeast humor. Easter brunches sparkle with “Happy Yeaster” greetings that blend tradition with playful wordplay. New Year’s celebrations gain optimism with toasts like “Yeast of luck in the coming year!” Thanksgiving dinners benefit from gratitude-focused puns about being “thankful for the little things that help us rise.” These seasonal applications create memorable moments by connecting familiar traditions with unexpected humor. Educational Settings Workshops and classrooms offer ideal environments for interactive yeast pun exchanges. Science classes explaining fermentation become more captivating with Q&A jokes: “Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded it!” Cooking demonstrations maintain attention with humor like “How does yeast stay in shape? Dough-robics!” These educational settings benefit from the dual purpose of yeast puns—they entertain while reinforcing key concepts about fermentation and baking chemistry. Marketing Opportunities Brands selling baking products can leverage yeast puns for memorable messaging. Product packaging stands out with phrases like “Secret ingredient for a dough-lightful outcome” that connect the product to desired results. Brewery advertisements create relatability through lines like “Makes the beer industry go round,” acknowledging yeast’s crucial role in fermentation. These marketing applications work best when the wordplay directly highlights the product’s purpose or benefit in a way that’s both clever and informative. The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread: Creating Your Own Yeast Puns Ready to create your own yeast puns that will make everyone rise with laughter? We’ve gathered the best techniques used by punmasters to help you create memorable baking wordplay that’s sure to get a rise out of your audience. These proven strategies will transform you into a bread-winning comedian in no time! Master the Homophone Swap Homophones are your secret ingredient for crafting delicious yeast puns. Try substituting “yeast” for similar-sounding words like “east” or “least” in common phrases. Popular examples include “Last but not yeast” and “Beauty and the yeast,” which instantly transform familiar sayings into bakery brilliance. The Yeaster bunny pun works particularly well during spring holidays when you want to combine seasonal references with baking humor. Knead in Baking Terminology Baking vocabulary provides fertile ground for creating punny masterpieces. Words like “knead,” “dough,” “rise,” and “loaf” can replace their common counterparts in everyday phrases. For instance, asking “Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded it!” cleverly plays on the similar sounds of “knead” and “need.” Expressions like “You’re the yeast I could do!” become delightfully unexpected when infused with baking lingo. Rise Above with Compound Puns Compound puns take your humor to the next level by combining multiple wordplay elements. Transform “feast or famine” into “yeast or famine” or convert “greased lightning” to “fast as yeast lightning.” These complex puns demonstrate creativity and often earn bigger laughs from your audience. The dual meanings create unexpected connections that make people appreciate your wit even more. Create Verbal Substitutions Look for opportunities to replace words with phonetically linked baking terms. Saying “Absent without loaf” instead of “Absent without leave” creates an instant connection to bread while maintaining the recognizable structure of the original phrase. These replacements work best when the substituted word sounds similar enough to the original that listeners can immediately understand the reference. Develop Situational Humor Situational yeast puns connect baking concepts to everyday scenarios. Telling someone “I put yeast in my shoe polish to rise and shine” creates a visual image that combines a common morning greeting with bread-making processes. These context-based jokes often resonate with family gatherings where relatable humor brings everyone together over shared experiences. Create Metaphorical Wordplay Metaphorical puns blend baking success with idiomatic expressions. Saying “Yeast is the secret ingredient that makes you a bread winner” combines culinary expertise with financial achievement in a playful way. These types of puns work particularly well for motivational contexts or when congratulating someone on their accomplishments in a lighthearted manner. Keep It Short and Sweet Effective yeast puns rely on brevity and dual meanings. Phrases like “He’s the Beast of the Yeast” merge pop culture references with baking terminology while keeping the structure concise. Short puns are easier to remember and share, making them more likely to spread among friend groups and social media platforms. Test Your Creations Before unveiling your freshly baked puns, test them on a small audience. Family gatherings provide perfect opportunities to try out lines like “Why did the bread go to school? To get a little butter!” The immediate reaction will tell you if your pun is ready to rise to the occasion or needs more time to proof. Conclusion: Let Your Humor Rise With These Dough-Lightful Puns We’ve kneaded together quite a collection of yeast puns that are sure to get a rise out of your friends and family. From clever wordplay that makes dough-jokes accessible to everyone to sophisticated baking humor that appeals to culinary enthusiasts these puns prove that laughter truly is the best ingredient. Whether you’re breaking the ice at a baking party creating social media content or simply looking to brighten someone’s day these yeast-based jokes offer the perfect blend of humor and wit. They connect us through our shared love of food while transforming ordinary conversations into memorable experiences. So go ahead and let your humor rise! Share these puns freely experiment with creating your own and watch as they spread joy faster than wild yeast in warm dough. After all life’s too short not to enjoy a good laugh that’s truly bread-taking. Frequently Asked Questions What makes yeast puns so popular? Yeast puns are popular because they engage our brains in unique ways, creating unexpected connections that trigger laughter. They activate different parts of our brain through clever wordplay, making them both memorable and shareable. Additionally, these puns help foster a positive culinary culture and strengthen bonds among food enthusiasts. How can I use yeast puns in a baking event? Use yeast puns in event titles like “Feast & Yeast” or “Rise & Shine Baking Party.” Include clever wordplay on invitations, recipe cards, and decorative labels such as “Yeast Mode: Activated.” Incorporate puns as icebreakers during activities and create photo opportunities with punny props for social media sharing. What are some classic yeast puns that have stood the test of time? Classic yeast puns include motivational phrases like “Rise above” and “The yeast you can do is try.” Simple yet clever wordplays such as “Don’t be sour, dough” and “Yeast of your worries” have remained popular. These timeless puns are perfect for breaking the ice at bakery gatherings or cooking classes. How do yeast puns help with education? Yeast puns serve as effective mnemonic devices for understanding complex fermentation concepts. Culinary instructors use them to transform technical instruction into captivating learning experiences. Phrases like “Let’s loaf it up!” simplify the fermentation process, making complex scientific principles more digestible and memorable for students. Do yeast puns translate across different cultures? Yes, bread humor transcends borders with universally appreciated wordplay. Different cultures adapt bread humor to reflect their unique baking traditions. For example, German puns like “Gluten tag” merge greetings with baking terms, while French jokes often center around their iconic loaves. Some puns like “Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded help” resonate universally. How has social media influenced yeast puns? Social media has fostered a vibrant community of baking enthusiasts who share witty yeast puns. Platforms have popularized phrases like “Rise and shine, it’s yeast time!” and hashtags such as #YeastPuns help connect bakers worldwide. Memes featuring yeast humor create a sense of community, and this popularity has extended to merchandise like t-shirts and stickers. When is the best time to use yeast puns? The perfect times for yeast puns include during baking demonstrations, celebratory events, motivational moments, seasonal celebrations, educational settings, and marketing opportunities. Strategic timing enhances engagement and atmosphere, such as saying “Last but not yeast!” during ingredient explanations or using seasonal puns during holiday baking. How can I create my own yeast puns? Create your own yeast puns by mastering homophone swaps (like “knead/need”), incorporating baking terminology into everyday phrases, and developing compound puns for added humor. Keep your puns brief and test them on small audiences first. Focus on making them relevant to your specific baking context for maximum impact. https://lolpuns.com/?p=1942 LOL Puns

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severeprincesheep · 9 months ago

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"Perhaps because gastroenterology, immunology, toxicology, and the nutrition and agricultural sciences are outside of their competence and responsibility, psychologists and psychiatrists typically fail to appreciate the impact that food can have on their patients’ condition. Here we attempt to help correct this situation by reviewing, in non-technical, plain English, how cereal grains—the world’s most abundant food source—can affect human behavior and mental health. We present the implications for the psychological sciences of the findings that, in all of us, bread (1) makes the gut more permeable and can thus encourage the migration of food particles to sites where they are not expected, prompting the immune system to attack both these particles and brain-relevant substances that resemble them, and (2) releases opioid-like compounds, capable of causing mental derangement if they make it to the brain. A grain-free diet, although difficult to maintain (especially for those that need it the most), could improve the mental health of many and be a complete cure for others.

(...)

The manufacture of exorphins is incredibly efficient. The nutritionally insignificant intake of 1 g of casein (about two tablespoons of cow milk), for example, produces opioids in large enough amounts to exert physiological effects (Meisel and FitzGerald, 2000). This is remarkable in view of the facts that (a) the opioids from gluten are stronger than those from casein (Zioudrou et al., 1979), and (b) the daily average consumption of gluten in Europe is 10–20 g, with many people exceeding 50 g (Sapone et al., 2012). In the brain of rats, the opioids from casein have been shown to be 10 times more potent than morphine (Herrera-Marschitz et al., 1989). If all exorphins released in the gut made it to the brain, it is hard to see how we could keep functioning."

Busting the MYTHS About Iodine, Cholesterol & Fasting | Dr. Elizabeth Bright

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"A couple of years ago I read a book called "Devil in the Milk" by an Australian (Keith Woodford) who was explaining A2 milk versus A1 milk (1). There is absolutely an issue with dairy because of the casomorphin content: two tablespoons of A1 cow milk is equal to a shot of heroin in an opiate sense. So the inflammation that a casomorphin that a casomorphin can give your body (two tablespoons of milk) is equal to a shot of heroin. I mean, he literally writes this. So the whiter the milk, the fresher the milk, what you have is a lot of (or dairy, kaffir or yogurt, whatever, goat cheese) you have a lot of protein. If you have aged cheese the fermentation process eats the protein and the lactose, this isn't really an issue it's more the proteins, the proteins are inflammatory.

So if you're not well, if you have an autoimmune condition, your immune system is overreactive, it's going to see a protein like gluten, or dairy, or casomorphin, it's going to see that as a pathogen, it will react. How does it react? Again, it could be any way but it will react to that protein thinking it's a virus.

So if you're, as you said depending upon where you are on your health journey, if you still have pain, if you still have arthritis, if you still have eczema, if you still have psoriasis… I would take out dairy. And in some cases I'll even say to try to stop butter for a week or so. And I've had a couple who've had a really good result from that. And then they heal and then they can add in the butter."

(1) A1 milk, which is the most commonly used milk and is abundantly available, is obtained from cows of Western origin like Holstein, Jersey etc. and yields a large quantity of milk. The A2 milk is the milk obtained by the cows of Indian origin like Gir, Sahiwal etc.

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nethilia · 2 months ago

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WHY DON'T LADIES LEARN TO COOK? AMONG the common things to the teaching of which public attention is now so strongly directed, it is to be hoped that the art of cookery—one of the commonest, and yet, apparently, one of the most difficult and neglected of all—will not be forgotten. The instruction of the female peasantry in this useful art would be as advantageous to themselves when settled on their own hearths as to the families of the middle classes, in which, before marriage, they officiate as domestic servants. On all sides we hear complaints of the difficulty of finding, and of retaining when found, a cook who can roast a leg of mutton, and make batter-pudding or pea-soup. In point of fact, we have heard of ladies who have it in serious contemplation to dispense with servants altogether, as the least troublesome alternative. Without wishing matters carried quite so far, we are convinced that many of our fair friends would lose nothing, either in point of respectability or happiness, while they could add at least one-third to the effective incomes of their husbands, if they were to spend a little more time in their kitchens, superintending the preparation of the family[Pg 550] dinner, instead of contenting themselves with ordering it—if, indeed, they condescend to do even that. Some forty years back, ladies were driven to shoemaking as a fashionable way of killing time. Why not try a little cooking? Thanks to the modern stoves, with their nicely-arranged skillets and stewpans, which science and mechanical skill have substituted for the blazing kitchen hearth of other days, young ladies of the nineteenth century, just passing its prime, may cook without soiling their fingers or injuring their complexions. Were it not so, we would not recommend them to cook. We would rather live on bread and cheese all the days of our lives.

It will be said, perhaps, that our notions with regard to female education and employment are too antiquated—that in these matters, as in everything else, a new era has dawned, and the solid course of instruction now given in colleges for ladies will be triumphantly appealed to. Ladies, however, who possess these solid acquirements—who, like Lady Jane Grey, prefer Plato to a picnic—will be least likely to neglect the economy of the kitchen. They will thoroughly understand the dignity of the employment, and call to mind all the poetry of cooking. To say nothing of the dinner which Milton describes Eve as preparing when "on hospitable thoughts intent," there are the Homeric banquets at which kings literally "killed their own meat," and at which queens and princesses turned the spit for the roasting, or drew the water and chopped wood for the boiling. Cooking is classical, and no lady will disdain to take part in it who has read of these feasts in the original Greek. Let it be observed that it is the middle and working classes on whom we wish to urge the importance of the study. A gentleman's daughter can afford to be so ignorant of common things as not to be able to recognize chickens in a poultry-yard, because they do not run about with a liver under one wing and a gizzard under the other, though our modern poultry shows, it must be confessed, will tend much to dissipate this error. A knowledge, however, of the art of cooking is of more importance to the wives of the laboring population than to those of the middle classes, because it is the art, when properly cultivated, of making a little go a great way. —Mark-lane Express.

woman born after 1823 don't know how to cook, all she know how to do is wear hoopskirt, read her magazine, promenade, eat bread and cheese and lie

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mediaevalmusereads · 1 year ago

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The Female Man. By Joanna Russ. Beacon Press, 1975.

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

Genre: science fiction

Series: N/A

Summary: It has influenced William Gibson and been listed as one of the ten essential works of science fiction. Most importantly, Joanna Russ's THE FEMALE MAN is a suspenseful, surprising and darkly witty chronicle of what happens when Jeannine, Janet, Joanna, and Jael—four alternative selves from drastically different realities—meet.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: sexual relationship with age gap/underage sex/statutory rape; use of the n-word; references to rape and suicide

OVERVIEW: I honestly can't remember how I came by this book, but I'm in a sci fi mood, so I figured I'd pick it up. I wasn't sure what I was expecting out of this book, but it definitely wasn't what I got (in both good and confusing ways). I think I understand what Russ was trying to do, but even though I appreciated it, I was also mightily lost half the time, so for that reason, this book gets 3.5 stars from me.

WRITING: Russ's writing in this book is at times passionate, at times amusing, and at times confusing. It's not quite stream-of-consciousness, but Russ writes in a self-described "feminine style" that is full of run on sentences, sentence fragments, intertextual allusions, and wordplay.

There were moments when I really enjoyed this style. For example, there are a few soliloquy-like speeches in which a character (or the author? Both?) voice their feelings about patriarchy or about the limitations put of women, and I quite enjoyed Russ's flow. It didn't come across as a ramble, but there was passion in it that made it rousing.

But even with all the good, it was difficult to orient myself in this book in part because there's so much switching of POV and not a lot of exposition to help. I have no doubt all of this is done on purpose, and to some degree, I can respect what Russ is doing. But still, I had a rough reading experience and often had to rely on secondary sources to help make sense of the book.

PLOT: The plot of this book follows 4 characters from 4 alternate worlds as they visit each others' realities and learn more about themselves and each other as women. The 4 protagonists are:

Jeannine: a librarian from a world in which the Great Depression never ended

Joanna: a 1970s feminist from a world similar to ours

Janet: a woman from a world called Whileaway which is populated only by women after a plague killed all the men 900 years prior

Jael: an assassin from a world in which men and women have been at (literal) war for 40+ years

The parts of this book that I found the most valuable and most entertaining were the moments when characters encounter ideas from other worlds that make them (or the reader) reflect on some aspect of feminism. For example, there's a charming scene early on in which Janet is being interviewed by a male television presenter on Joanna's world, and the presenter assumes that without men, there is no sexual intercourse on Whileaway. Janet is pretty blunt about wlw relationships, and the interview humorously cuts to a commercial about unsliced bread. Jeannine also has quite a few scenes when the relative freedom of the other characters baffles her and makes her question what she wants in her life, and I found those to be particularly Affective.

But as I stated above, the plot is fairly difficult to engage with because the style is so chaotic. Again, I understand this is deliberate and I appreciate what it's doing, but as a reader, I also have to acknowledge my own difficulties.

I do have other criticisms, however. For one, I think this book ends on a rather militant note and possibly infers that the only way for women to be free of patriarchy is through violence (or at least some flavor of separatism). Maybe Russ isn't actually saying that, but since it's unclear, I can see how a reader might understand that to be the take-away. This book's feminism is also very 1970s, so readers should be aware of all the positives and negatives that come with that (in particular, I don't think Russ's work is quite nuanced enough to tackle topics pertaining to effeminate men, non-binary people, and trans people; however, I'm also not knowledgeable enough about 1970s lesbian feminism to know if these topics were on the table).

Still, this book is valuable for the way it makes you think, and even if readers dislike the feminism or the story, I think it brings up a lot of topics for discussion. Personally, I think a good discussion points to this book being worthwhile.

CHARACTERS: For the sake of brevity, I'm only going to talk about the 4 protagonists in this book.

Jeannine is often described as weak in this book on account of her constant focus on assimilating into society and wanting to get married. However, I personally found her quite charming and worthy of sympathy, in part because she is so overwhelmed by the pressure that patriarchy puts on her. I loved that she had a moment when she expressed some frustration and a desire to be her own person, and even when she chooses her path, I couldn't be mad at her. In a lot of ways, she's the most relatable of the four, so I felt a kind of kinship with her.

Joanna is a kind of stand-in for the author, and personally, I found her the least interesting. She does have a few speeches and insights that are themselves very interesting, and she purports to turn into a man in this novel. However, as a character, she doesn't have quite the defined arc that the others do.

Janet is fun to follow because she grew up without patriarchy. I loved seeing her make social blunders in other worlds and react with indignation and confusion when she encounters men.

Jael is scary, but in a way I found thoroughly enjoyable. Though she is violent, I did get some pleasure while reading about her murdering a sexist pig, so there is some catharsis that comes from reading her arc.

TL;DR: The Female Man is a difficult yet thought-provoking novel, bringing together four women from four different worlds to test the limits of patriarchy and reimagine women's liberation. Though the feminism is very 1970s, this book is valuable both for the discussions it generates and for its contributions to science fiction as a genre, making space for alternate voices and redeploying common tropes in subversive ways.

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argumate · 3 years ago

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Yo owl, I’m curious, what’s your honest straight-facts opinion on socialism?

My friends, I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about socialism. All right, this is how I feel about socialism:

If when you say socialism you mean the devil's ideology, the poison scourge, the spectre haunting Europe, that destroys freedom, dethrones reason, invades the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil idea that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.

But, if when you say socialism you mean the rational science, the sensible plan, the community spirit, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean the stimulating vision that puts the spring in the old gentleman's step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the idea which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life's great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that idea, the implementation of which allows us to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.

This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.

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cerastes · 4 years ago

Text

“Who Is Real” Commentary and Analysis

Let’s talk about Who Is Real, the second event in the Chinese New Year themed side story going on in Arknights, visited yearly as part of the game’s Chinese New Year celebration.

The scale and stakes of the event are similar yet distinct to those found in Twilight Of Wolumonde: Whereas Wolumonde focuses on a smaller scale conflict that is still nonetheless tied to the central themes of the overarching writing, that is, the trials and tribulations of the Infected and how everyone is trying to eke out a living in a more than uncaring world, usually around caring individuals or smaller communities, centering principally in Leithanien’s quite literal ivory towers, Folinic and Mudrock’s rage, and how a pebble can cause an avalanche, Who Is Real instead focuses on the more introspective themes the game likes to explore in conjunction with the Infected themes, except, the story does not involve Oripathy at all. No, Who Is Real centers more around another important aspect of the Arknights lore that it has insidiously, subtly, and deliciously introduced piece by piece without yet calling major attention to it yet: Terra’s Problems Besides The Infection.

Make no mistake, Oripathy is grave, it’s the driving point of the narrative, but what makes the world of Arknights feel so whole, so fleshed out, so alive, is that you can tell from early on that there is far more to the world than just this one illness, and thus not everything is informed by the Infection. Oripathy is not the end-all of everything in the setting: There’s music festivals, trends, celebrations, holidays, cultural traditions, you name it. Oripathy is our main problem, because we are Rhodes Island, the pharmaceutics-slash-private military contractor that has set out, specifically, to end Oripathy and help as many Infected as possible. Oripathy is, indeed, a big problem in the world, and our main narrative driving point, but it’s not the only big problem in the world, oh, sweet agony, not by a long shot! Let us recount a couple:

Kjerag and Columbia both seem to be embroiled in their own under-the-table wars between the people with most power in the respective lands. In Kjerag, the Church seems to want a monopoly on influence and power, especially over merchants and big name families, whereas in Columbia, we have full on secret, private wars between rich families and a very worrying issue with the military industrial-prison complex.

Bolivar, last we heard, was torn apart in a three-way war between three different factions, all heavily implied to be different flavor of fascist tyrants vying for power. We also know that, in the future, there will be an important conflict known as the Great March of Bolivar.

Ursus is a rotten, ever-expanding imperialist war machine well oiled by the blood of the subjugated, and it does not care if its gears grind its own citizens on occasion. We know more about Ursus as it is more tightly linked to us by virtue of their incredibly harsh and cruel treatment of the Infected (killed on sight on most every occasion), but there’s more to their lengthy list of sins than just that.

Iberia, the so-called home of intellectualism, is fully content with spreading anti-science and pure lies if it will further its purposes. A secretive, seclusive country that severely limits entrance to outsiders. One may leave freely, provided they understand coming back will be highly unlikely. They are the closest, not coincidentally, to the Aegir, and thus, the Ocean, which is alive, furious, and wants to kill you so, so very badly, constantly spawning Deep Princes and gigantic malformed horrors from the depths, stopped by the first and last line of defense, the Abyssal Hunters.

Kazdel, the ancient home of the Sarkaz, is a blasted wilderness where life is worth less than the bullets in a rifle’s magazine. A land that exists in permanent turmoil, where Sarkaz mercenaries will kill each other daily just to put moldy bread on the table, where those with a bit more money will establish ‘clans’ or ‘families’ to try and wrest more power, claiming theirs to be the true lineage of the Sarkaz King. In what is my personal favorite instance of the game using gameplay to drive the narrative home, during the event ‘Darknights’ Memoir’, the milestone reward for killing ten thousand enemies is a pittance compared to literally every other reward in the event, cleverly and perhaps coldly driving home just how little value the lives of Sarkaz hold in Kazdel.

And this is not a fully comprehensive list, oh, no, we haven’t covered Rim Billiton or Lungmen or Laterano or even minor places like Siesta, all of which have enough skeletons in their respective closets to warrant their own lengthy posts. What I’m trying to make very clear here is that Oripathy isn’t the only problem Terra has to deal with. It’s our main problem, because our point of view character and playable characters deal with it principally, but it is not the sole problem out there. This is important to keep in mind, not just for the purposes of this post, but just, in general.

Where does Who Is Real fit, then? That would be the Yen entry. Lungmen is a part of Yen, this concerns Yen as a whole, and the event gives a concise answer to an implication found in Ancient Forge: Nian and her 11 siblings are in fact fragments of an ancient Yen god who was defeated and torn asunder but not quite killed. The god currently ‘sleeps’, being 12 different people that split from it, all with their own personalities, sentience, and skills. The True Lung killed this god and many, many other gods, a debt that remains unpaid, an anger that remains unquelled, only dormant, and when the time comes to awaken, the 12 pieces will be whole once again, and the redemption of their people will be inscribed in letters of blazing ruin across Yen. Nian knows this, Dusk knows this, and we are to understand every other god-fragment knows this: It is inevitable that the god will awaken once again some day, and it WILL want to devastate Yen and drink deep from the pail of its vengeance. What isn’t inevitable, if Nian is to be believed, however, is the devastation itself. She has a plan, and she intends to see it through.

But we’ll come back to this in due time, yes? Let’s talk about the structure now that we have discussed the context. I have decided to put the bulk of the post under a Read More because it gets long, so get comfy, grab a snack, perhaps a nice drink, and join me as we find out, indeed, Who Is Real and go over the overaching themes and plot that started with Ancient Forge.

In a move that I hope becomes more frequent, the event does a wonderful job of introducing us to fun new characters while also letting us learn more about recognizable old characters. The choice of Lava, one of the protagonists of this Yen God saga, and Kroos, a well loved character, is a great one, we’ve been dying to know more about the 3*s. As this takes place in the future, we see a far more honed, skilled Lava and Kroos, no longer Reserve Operators, they are fully fledged Operators that are expected to shoulder important tasks by themselves now instead of always having to operator in a squad under an Operator or leadership. Soon enough, we meet Mr. Nothing and Saga, two characters that set the mood and that remind us that this is, indeed, a Chinese New Year’s event, which should be on our minds at all times, as Nothing and Saga both embody well historied, well beloved tropes of stories both ancient and modern found in China (and other parts of Asia, indeed), throwing them into the mix, with their own patented Arknights twist, as a celebration of craftsmanship and folk culture popular in China and other Asian countries.

Mr. Nothing is the quintessential wandering martial artist embroiled in a conspiracy: A suave speaker, a charmer that is bumbling and captivating in equal parts, using a veneer of incompetence and cowardice to hide immense insecurity, humility, and incredible strength. If you’ve watched enough Wuxia or read enough old martial artist stories, you know Mr. Nothing: Picked by his Master, Lien, as a child and taken to live with her and his many new brothers and sisters at a martial arts hall, where he would trains, work, and improve under her tutelage, clearly idolizing his Master and not believing himself worthy to be her successor after she unfortunately gets killed by the cowardly tactics of her enemies in the martial arts world after he is framed for killing a rival of his. Inheriting her title and weapon, Mr. Nothing travels the land of Terra trying to evade those who would finish the job and kill him, attempting to lie low to eventually strike back and claim vengeance, when he finally ascertains who is behind it all. The martial artist that wants to avenge his master is a well loved trope in folklore.

Saga, on the other hand, is the quintessential wandering monk. After living a life of seclusion at her monastery with the well traveled Head Priest, hearing his stories of adventure day in and day out, Saga always pondered the meaning of things, the workings of things, the sheer joy of experiencing things this seemingly wonderful world has. The greatest question her inquisitive mind had, however, involved the painting scroll he received from a master painter: Why did such an elaborate painting, “Crude Mounts Utmost Risen”, have a waterfall that consisted of but a single stroke? The Head Priest sent her to travel to world to look for her answers, and this, this, dear reader, is one of the main themes of Who Is Real: “What is your answer?”

Who Is Real deals with the introspective question of “What Is Your Answer?”. What would you do, put in a specific situation? And will you remain true to yourself through and through? Lava, Kroos, and Mr. Nothing are trapped in an impossibly idyllic and illogical world where the sun and moon share the firmament, fixed above the heads of the residents of P’o-Shan Village, a village that knows no Infection or Catastrophes, where men and women wake up, work, and then kick back drinking tea while listening to the riddle-like stories of the Umbrella-Boiling Hermit. There’s the occasional monster attack, but all the villagers need to do is run towards the sun, and all is well and good. In this Village, our heroes meet Saga, who very clearly, much like them, doesn’t belong there.

But here’s where the usual “trapped in a nightmare dimension” story tropes end: Saga is fully aware that she’s in a painting. Not only that, she’s fully aware that she’s been in many paintings. And she doesn’t mind it one bit. Saga is very much living her best life, trying to take everything in without much worry for what happens, precisely because, well, this isn’t a nightmare dimension. As mentioned before, P’o-Shan Village is nearly idyllic, with very little in the way of trouble, and when the monsters do in fact cause destruction or eat villagers, the next day, as long as the real people within the painting sleep (and thus stop looking at the picture), the painting, and thus, the world returns to its original shape, as it was not being perceived anymore and thus all changes are reverted to be the original painting again.

This is, then, when the question What Is Your Answer is important: In a world where it doesn’t matter if people die or not, because they will be alright the next day, is it worth protecting these people? While Saga meditates, our three remaining heroes agree that, yes, it is worth it, but even then, they falter to some degree, with Kroos calling out Lava and Nothing on their destructive use of Arts and ignoring some of the beast wandering into town, respectively. It’s when you start giving things some leeway that, little by little, you become sloppy, after all. It’s an issue if you become sloppy and uncaring about the value of human life, however (doubly so in Lava’s case, given she’s a Rhodes Island Operator, basically out there fighting for human life). This is yet another nod to how Kroos is far, far more self-aware and mature than she lets on, but also a grim reminder that Kroos, at this point, had to deal with something that shook her to the very core involving Beagle, likely reaffirming to her the value and weight of human life.

The next interesting bit is the fact that Saga, somehow, breaks out of the painting world, and manages to meet Dusk, the painter and creator of these worlds, who is flabbergasted as to how the hell she managed to do that on her own: Until now, the only people that leave Dusk’s painting are the people that Dusk lets out, such as the Head Priest, whom Dusk seems to be fond of enough to have freed him and even have given him a painting as a gift. It is also implied that she’s let other people leave before, further suggesting that trapping people in her worlds is not something she does for fun, but rather, for another purpose. Here, an interesting conversation takes place, as Saga finally can ask the artist herself why the waterfall consisted of a single stroke.

Dusk’s immediate answer is that Saga should have her own answer for the meaning of the single stroke waterfall, as art is to be interpreted by those who consume it. Saga, however, has indeed come up with her own interpretation of its meaning: To Saga, the waterfall being left unfinished with a single stroke represents the greater scenery, the greater beauty of the world beyond that cannot be put into art. This answer impresses Dusk, who then proceeds to give her real answer: She simply thought the waterfall looked good as a single stroke, and thus left it as such, her interest shifting to other parts of the painting instead. She simply didn’t finish it because it looked fine to her that way. This is such an incredibly interesting thing to see conversed in a story, as art is wholly interpretative, and sure, we know of Death of the Author (even though the vast majority of people use it wrong), but this goes beyond words and intent, and goes right into the consumption of art and derivation of its meaning as it passes through the lens of our reality, experiences and temperament: In the reality of the artist behind its creation, the single stroke waterfall is simply as it is because it looked fine, and the artist then moved to parts of the painting she was more personally interesting in, while the observer, who has no way to peer into the artist’s thoughts and habits, assigned her own meaning to the unfinished waterfall, fully informed by her own incredibly optimistic and hopeful outlook of the world, full of potential, stretching endlessly before her very eyes.

How could Dusk keep someone like Saga imprisoned in an idyllic world, when Saga can’t be a prisoner? She took the world in stride, and from it, learned much. The worlds of the paintings she resided in for over 10 years might be fake, but her experiences and the wisdom derived from these are real, much like stories and illustrations and novels and video games are fiction, but what we can derive from them can play a very real and fundamental role in building us into who we are. Fully satisfied with Saga’s answer, Dusk tells her she’s free to leave and to give her regards to the Head Priest, and to preferably leave soon and without saying much more lest she changes her mind, as Dusk is the reclusive, temperamental type, much like Nian warned Lava. She reassures Dusk that she does in fact intend to let Lava, Kroos and Mr. Nothing leave later.

However, Saga was not done.

She keeps pressing on and on, and finally, shows her the Nian Charm that Lava entrusted her with. Now she has finally been found by Nian, who is now there, which Dusk is not very happy with.

Now, now, at this very point and at a no point before, Dusk actually means them harm. Before, she was simply a physical god capriciously doing as she wanted, but now? NOW she actually trapped them in quite literal nightmare realms, forcing characters to relive their regrets and then experience them with an even worse ending than what happened in reality. This goes to show that she sincerely was just doing as she wished with people that dared to interrupt her solitude in the mountains, but didn’t necessarily mean harm. Does this mean it’s alright for her to do that in the first place? No, definitely not, it’s even stated that many people that have gone into the painted worlds have just lost their sense of self and have become part of the painting over time, but she always traps people in idyllic places like P’o-Shan Village, and this is important to note, as Saga mentioned that through every painting she’s been through, there is an incarnation of Dusk within, much like the village has the Umbrella-Boiling Hermit, that looks out for the people trapped in the paintings and gives them some information, and that looked out for her. Dusk herself even says to Saga “You’ve been here enough, please, you’ve seen so much, just let me get you out of here” at one point. Now that she actually has been enraged, however, because she dislikes Nian a whole damn lot and was trying to not be found by her, she’s not putting them in peaceful, idyllic places anymore. However, see, Saga has not regrets. Unlike Mr. Nothing and Kroos who harbor immense guilt and regret over certain events in their life, Saga as no such experience. Dusk doesn’t know how to break Saga. She does NOT understand how to break people with no regrets, because she herself is broken by regret and cannot compute how someone like Saga could possibly exist. So instead, Saga gets trapped in a realm with thousands of other versions of herself. And by “trapped” I mean “they are all trapped in there with her” because, again, Dusk simply cannot trap Saga in a way that matters.

Just like art is informed by the artist, so are Dusk’s worlds and ideas of punishment and torment informed by her own experiences, by what she has seen, what she has not seen but can imagine, and by what she has experienced. The point is, Dusk is an extremely pained, bitter, sad individual. We knew she’d be temperamental, as Nian told us as much, but through her choice of punishment and her way of life, plus the scenes at the end of the event, we can see Dusk for what she truly is: Resigned.

Dusk has given up.

Nian explains that one day, the Whole will wake up, the god made of the 12 siblings, and when that happens, they will rejoin into this furious god, and their anger will set Yen ablaze. Dusk’s response is “yes, I know”. Dusk has given up and has decided to use her time to do what she enjoys: Painting undisturbed. Or is painting undisturbed what she truly enjoys? No, it’s painting. Just painting. Dusk’s voice lines have her explain that she likes people, actually, she may not enjoy their continued presence, but she likes people, and it is only a very select few that Dusk enjoys the presence of. It all makes a lot of sense when you consider that Dusk very much used to be around people before, long, long ago, even having taken in the orphan Dawn. She taught Dawn to paint, conversed with her, watched her grow from an orphaned child she took in to an elder, ill woman on her deathbed, and then had to come face to face with the cruel reality of being a physical god -- a fragment of one so powerful that she might as well be a full-on god -- among mortals, tormented by the knowledge that no matter how many people she becomes close with, she will eventually outlive them all and have to deal with the heartbreak, over and over and over, only to eventually succumb to madness as she rejoins her siblings to form the wrathful god that will destroy the landscapes and people she likes so much.

Dusk has given up, because the only outcome possible for her loving people is pain from loss, and to eventually destroy them all in blind rage.

And so, Dusk paints utopia after utopia, idyllic places like P’o-Shan Village, beautiful landscapes, because eventually, she will destroy the real world. She will succumb, she will become one with the others and form a god that will destroy all she appreciates and loves. Only her art will remain, and through it, achieve the immortality she wishes she had, instead of the cursed one she really has.

Dusk and Nian are opposites: Dusk has given up, and has become passive, merely indulging in whatever currently interests her, and otherwise shutting herself off from the world. Keep in mind that she trapped herself in her own painted worlds and made the painted P’o-Shan Village basically a heaven for Dawn. Dawn mentions, on her deathbed, that she wanted to be a shopkeeper like the owner of the pawn shop next door when she was a kid. Dusk turns Dawn into a shopkeeper in the Painted Village, and the Ink Spirits will not, under any circumstance, attack Dawn.

Early in the event, we learn of a Yen fairy tale titled "Dusk Beauty Flying to the Moon". It ends up very much being about Dusk herself, with some key differences: The ‘lover’ from the fairy tale is in fact Dawn, which is left ambiguous as to whether she truly was Dusk’s lover or not, given Dusk rescued her from the ruins of the Village as a child, thus Dusk was probably more like a mother to Dawn, their separation came to be because of old age and death, as Dawn was mortal, and the “mourning flight to the moon” at the end is Dusk climbing a mountain to trap herself in her own painting world, away from the rest of the world, where she would continue to maintain the painted Village, where Dawn could live comfortably forever.

This is what Dusk decided to do until the time of reckoning came. Dusk gave up.

Nian is the opposite. Nian, too, loves people, loves the world, loves food, loves her craft, loves being herself. It is all too likely that she herself has also gone through this pain, but she has not given up. Nian refuses to give up, and like the blacksmith she is, she has decided to temper others to deal with the eventual revival of the god. But, see, she hasn’t decided to just temper others, she is also of a mind to temper herself and her siblings, to win them over to her side, to resist and make a stand against the vengeful destruction they will bring eventually, to curb the divine retribution they will bring into the world whether they like it or not. Nian’s first objective was to find the right forge where she could temper others and herself for the task, and this forge is Rhodes Island. Next, she needs the materials. Nian seems to specially have a very keen interest in Lava, who we know from her Files to have great potential in Originium Arts, as well as Doctor and Kal’tsit. But by herself, she won’t stand a chance, no matter how much she tempers herself and others, she needs have other fragments on her side, and her first choice is Dusk, her younger sister. Temperamental, reclusive, capricious, complicated Dusk. It makes sense, when we consider the things above, that Nian will go for Dusk first to try and get her on their side: Dusk is all of those things, and more, but Dusk is not cruel. We see time and time again that she’s willing to use her godly powers to have trivial fun over others, but she’s never out to actually harm or torment. The monsters that attack P’o-Shan Village, if you read the enemy descriptions, tend to just be natural consequences of her emotions, with Bitey being the most common Ink Spirit as it is a manifestation of her being frustrated as an artist while drawing. When she’s out to actually torment others, she doesn’t even rely on monsters, she just shoves you into a nightmare dimension and calls it a day (and then relies on actual combat spirits like Free when that doesn’t work). Dusk is fundamentally gentle, not nice, and Nian knows this. As long as Dusk didn’t know that the others were there on Nian’s behalf, Nian was sure Dusk wouldn’t actually harm them (and made sure to arrange it so she’d be there the moment Dusk learned they were to actually protect the party from her wrath) and, after almost coming to blows (WR-10 is merely a warm-up for Nian and Dusk), Dusk relents, though not because Nian was convincing.

It was everyone that convinced Dusk, mainly Saga.

Through Lava, Kroos and Mr. Nothing, Dusk saw the inherent goodness of people when they try. Even though the people of the painted Village weren’t real and there were literally no consequences to them dying as they’d be alive again the next day, the trio protected them as if they were real. Their answer was “protecting them might be meaningless, but that doesn’t mean we won’t try”. Saga impressed Dusk by somehow escaping one layer of her painted world by sheer meditation and harmony with herself. Not even Dusk is fully sure how Saga managed this, and then came Saga’s answer regarding the waterfall, an inherently hopeful, sage answer, full of integrity and soul. Perhaps she felt that way one time, long ago, and perhaps Saga’s devastatingly optimistic and yet realistic worldview made her long for the world she dared experience once upon many seasons long past, but either way, it was enough to satisfy her. As mentioned before, Dusk made it clear she also intended to let the others go soon as well.

Then, she learns of Nian and attempts to actually torment them.

And Saga again escapes by herself. And she didn’t escape a peaceful, idyllic world this time, no, Saga escaped Dusk’s sincere attempt to break her, almost as if it was nothing.

The others had Nian bail them out with, hilariously yet fittingly enough, gigantic firecrackers (Dusk is also a nian, hence firecrackers are also her weakness), which Nian was willing to bear with if it meant saving them from Dusk, but Saga had only herself to count on, and her response upon seeing infinite alternate versions of herself was “oh, yes, this is indeed possible, I can see how it could happen, mhmh! Interesting!”, having a nice chat with even her worst most foul versions, and then just... Leaving.

So it is not that Nian offered her empty, hot air, Nian rolled up and offered an alternative, legitimate way to combat the eventual rejoining, which neither of them want, to prevent the complete annihilation and the world being set ablaze that would inevitably come as a result of their awakening, the destruction of this world and this culture and these people that Nian and Dusk both adore.

Nian spoke of a way their sordid future could be prevented, and Dusk saw the evidence: These four. Their deeds, their personalities, their strength. Even had Nian been able to find Dusk on her own, it would have been a failure anyways, as Dusk would’ve rejected her. No, Nian needed Lava to go through Dusk’s capricious game, because Nian sees something in Lava, something amazing, something great, something essential to stopping the upcoming tragedy, and was confident that, if Dusk saw this as well, she’d believe her. It ended up being Saga that fundamentally shifted this opinion, end of the day, a variable that Nian could not possibly have accounted for, and Kroos and Mr. Nothing definitely helped, but her main chip here was Lava, who didn’t see anything except darkness when trapped in the nightmare realm, which only kinda sorta inconvenienced her before Nian bailed her out, which is... Very telling in and on itself.

Dusk saw all of this, and just how Nian was putting all her chips on the table for this bet, and decided to believe her. Not because she’s her sister, not because she particularly likes Nian (she does not), but because she offered her an idea with substance and a semblance of proof. Nian showed Dusk that they didn’t have to destroy the world, and that for this to work, they had to work together with each other and with Rhodes Island.

In the end, Who Is Real is a story of the light at the end of the tunnel, and the world beyond the light, of the horizon stretching endlessly before you, full of possibility:

Mr. Nothing is pursued and tormented by those who would take his life, but Rhodes Island reaffirms his belief that there’s good people willing to help him out there, and more importantly, that will put his skills to good use, so he too can help others. Keep in mind Nothing is at odds with his considerably skills because it is him killing a rival martial artist (that intentionally took the death) that ended up kicking the plans of Lien’s enemies to kill her, and also he doesn’t feel worthy of being her successor.

Dusk had given up and resigned herself to quietly live her days out in self-imposed solitary confinement, where she would just paint and paint until the madness overtook her, she fused back with her siblings, and razed the world, where she couldn’t get close to anyone again and risk suffering again after she inevitably outlived them. But, with Nian’s proposal, she can try and get the siblings, who only ever brutally fought each other as enemies, together to stand against their collective destiny and prevent the ultimate destruction of the lands and culture and people they adore.

Saga, well, she’s a special case. It wasn’t anguish that shackled her in place, but rather, curiosity. Finally obtaining the answer she wanted (and much more), the monk sets her sights towards the next discovery, the world but a ripe plum for her to enjoy, discover, and learn about. To learn more about the world, herself, and others, Saga walks the path both beaten and virgin, eager to see what tomorrow has for her.

Who Is Real is a story about giving an answer, and the answer, in the end, is to press on. Nothing will change if you resign yourself. There’s no such thing as impossible odds, just lack of trying and/or not knowing how to tackle the odds.

Who Is Real is, ultimately, to see what lies beyond the single stroke waterfall.

#arknights #dusk #nian #saga #mr nothing #Who Is Real #long post #dreamknights meta #tagging it that because people have asked me to tag these posts one way or another so they can find them

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boldlyvoid · 4 years ago

Text

36 Questions to Fall in Love

Summary: When Derek bets Spencer that he cant make someone fall in love with him in a week, he doesn’t expect Spencer to marry the girl the next day

warnings: strangers to lovers, blind dates, betting, talks of: drug use, drug addiction, abusive marriages, rape, sexual assault, abuse, attempted murder, mass shootings, parental death, love confessions, elopements, opposite of slow burn

word count: 8K

A/N: this is based on a request I received a while back about this article

Derek was a betting man, to say the least. He knew Spencer was from Vegas, he also knew Emily couldn’t say no to a challenge and that Rossi had enough money to burn. Betting at work was the best way to have fun when he worked there, and now he can’t stop.

“I’m not saying con a woman into loving you, I’m saying let us find a girl and let’s see if she can fall in love with you, take a week off from work and just spend time wooing her, and in a week, me or Emily will hit on her, if she turns us down for you, then you’ve won.”

Derek explained it like it was simple, and yet the mere thought of being set up with someone was horrifyingly nerve-wracking. But he got Spencer to agree… unbeknown to him that he had another bet going on the side.

You see earlier that day he was invited to Penelope’s apartment, her younger sister was moving in for a little while and they needed a big strong man to help move the boxes. And like Penelope, Y/N was really chatty and overly friendly really fast. It was like he’s always known Y/N Garcia.

She explained to Derek how hard it was in California to find good men who want someone to love them, she’s tired of guys thinking she comes on too fast, she wants someone who wants to settle and have kids and be a dad. Not a Vain narcissist who only cares about what the city can offer him.

“The last guy I went on a date with literally ran when I mentioned I read a New York Times article about 36 questions to make you fall in love… I just want a person to love? Is that really so hard?”

A lightbulb goes off in Derek’s mind, and Penelope almost reads it.

“Spencer.” They both reply with the same cheeky grin.

“I bet you, you could be as insane as you say you are and he’d still be in love with you by the end of the week.” Derek teases, and the way she smiles shows just how interested she is.

—

Woo her.

The words have rattled around in his brain every second of every moment since Derek said he found a girl for him.

She was free on Saturday, all Spencer had to do was tell Derek where she should meet him and all Penelope had to do was not mention to Spencer that she had a sister, it was up to Y/N when Spencer learned that fact.

She’s already there at the restaurant when he arrives, he’s not sure what he was expecting when Derek said he found the perfect girl but it wasn’t this. He was thinking it was going to be a joke, that either no one would show or Derek was hooking him up with some hot blonde who was way out of his league.

She was beautiful in a nice dress, her makeup was stunning and she looked so content sitting there, waiting for him. Starring her ice water with a straw, she wasn’t paying any attention to the room, she barely knew he was there.

“Hi?” He said softly, not wanting to startle her.

“Hi,” she beamed up at him, that same unsure look on her face. Neither of them was expecting anything from the other, but they were pleasantly surprised.

“Spencer Reid,” he says, actually extending a hand to shake her’s because it’s the chivalrous thing to do.

She reaches out her hand, watching him take it and kiss her knuckle softly, she’s so surprised. “Oh, um, Y/N Garcia,” she whispers the name and his eyes go wide.

“Garcia?” He panics a little, sitting down in the booth and facing her as her face drops at his reaction.

“Did he not tell you I’m Penelope’s sister? I knew Derek was up to something,” she looked like it was all too good to be true, upset almost.

“He didn’t, he probably wanted you to tell me, I mean this all so we can get to know each other,” Spencer shrugs it off, interested in seeing why Derek picked her of all people.

“I guess,” she smiled again, “so what do you do?”

“I work with Penelope, I specialize more in psycho-linguistics and geographical profiling.”

She nods in approval, “I’m a high school English teacher.”

Spencer laughs lightly, “what’s that like?”

“Interesting to say the least, especially in California. Every kid there wants to be on TikTok, no one cares about reading any of the books I ask them too,” she just shakes her head. “I’m worried about the next generation.”

“Me too, it’s almost alarming how many kids are unsubs,” he agrees. She’s so easy to talk to, he’s suddenly not nervous anymore and the waiter is coming to take their order.

He never even opened the menu, “what looks good?” He asks Y/N, nervous and she can tell.

“I think I’m going to have the lobster, let’s go all out?” She shrugged again, both of them feeling more adventurous than normal.

“I’ll have that as well,” Spencer smiled, keeping eye contact with only her as she handed the menus back to him.

They ordered sides and appetizers, stuffed mushrooms and fresh bread, it was amazing. They traded small facts about each other, Spencer noticed a lot of Penelope’s quirks in her, she was very friendly and kind and funny. She loved to tease him and make him laugh, his stomach hurt by the time their lobsters came out.

“I’ve never done this before,” she admits, putting on her bib and holding the claw cracker in one hand.

“Neither have I, but I think it’s fairly simple you just need to apply the correct amount of pressure,” he demonstrates by picking up the crustacean and cracking it at its weakest point before twisting it open.

He’s surprised he did it, so is she as she copies is movements and struggles a bit. “You got it, come on,” he encourages her as she squeezed so hard her hands shake but the shell does eventually crack.

She smiles like she just won the science fair, overly proud as they stare at each other. Enamoured already by just how cute the other was.

“So, what do you do for fun outside being a fed?” She teases between bites.

“I like to spend my time finding new things, I tend to go to the same spots often but I’m always looking for new places. I like the theatre, the old cemetery is nice, I’m excited for the new phantasmagoria to open this fall,” he explains all his interests as he cracks away at his dinner. “I just like to try and appreciate what’s out there, after everything I see.”

“That’s really nice, I’ve always wanted to go to a phantasmagoria actually, science magic is the best kind of magic,” she says it like it’s nothing, almost embarrassed by the interest.

“Me too, I love magic,” Spencer lights up, “I can actually do some magic, hold on.”

He digs his NA chip out of his pocket, showing it to her quickly before making it disappear and reappear behind her ear and she was so smitten, “how the heck?” She asked as she reached for her own ear, shocked at the fact he could do it.

“Do you always keep a coin on you for that?”

He thinks about it for a second, not knowing if he should tell her or not. “No, I keep this on me for support.”

He places it on the table, she picks it up instead and inspects it carefully, “2 years is a really long time, I’m really proud of you.”

He feels like he falls in love with her in that moment, she places the chip back in his hand and smiles, “it’s not easy to admit nor recover from, it’s something you should be really proud of Spencer.”

“Thank you,” he blushes, “um, is there anything else you want to know about me?”

She bites the inside of her lip as she thinks, “actually I was reading an article the other day that said there are a list of personal questions you can ask someone and by the end of all of them you should be in love with the person.”

He thought it was a good opportunity to take a sip of water, upon hearing the word love he realizes it was a mistake. He chokes lightly, coughing as he puts the glass back down and apologizes.

“Love?” He repeats the word.

“I’m going to be real honest here Spencer, I don’t date to get my heartbroken, I date to find my life partner so if you’re not interested in marriage or kids one day tell me now,” she’s very stern about it and he can tell she’s gotten her hopes up and heart broken before.

“I want that too, I just didn’t expect you to be so upfront about it,” he’s honest, because clearly that’s what she wants from him. “What was on the question list?”

“Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” She asks, remembering the questions easily.

“Wow,” he takes a moment to think about it, “alive or dead?”

“Sure, why not,” she shrugs.

“Probably biological Eve,” he comes to the decision rather quickly. “I’ve always been fascinated with the fact all humans can be traced back to one single women. I’m sure she was amazing, it must have been so interesting being the first women on earth.”

“That is the coolest answer anyone has ever given me,” she smiles, “I think I’d be boring and have dinner with Julia Roberts.”

“She’s a very talented actress,” he smiles, recognizing the name from Penelope’s movie nights. “Um, I have an eidetic memory, do you have the list I can just read it once and then we can spit it back and forth easily.”

She looks at him with wide eyes and a growing smile, “yeah hold on.” She takes out her cellphone and pulls up the article before handing it to him.

He reads it quickly and then hands it right back, she was amazed, surely it was a joke? “Would I like to be famous?” He repeats the next question to himself.

“No,” he’s very certain. “I’ve had some encounters with psychopaths who think they are my biggest fans, perfect match or my only rival, and it’s not fun. I’m sure being adored is lovely, but I don’t like the attention if it’s not from a good place.”

“So you want praise but you don’t want a stalker?” She dumbs it down slightly with a smile, “I definitely don’t want to be famous because I don’t like other peoples opinions about me.”

“That’s incredibly fair.”

“Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?” She asks the next one.

“If it’s for work or my mother, yes,” he answers it completely honestly. “I prefer not to make phone calls, so when I have to make them I typically spend the day before panicking.”

She smiles, “well, if you ever need someone to call tech support and pretend to be you, I am really good on the phone.”

“Like Penelope?”

She nods, “we spent a lot of time talking on the phone when she moved to Virginia for your team.”

“That must have been really hard, I’m surprised she hasn’t mentioned you yet?”

“I’m not really her sister,” she smiles, “I wish I was. I met her during a really abusive relationship and I didn’t feel close to my parents anymore, so my old name didn’t feel right either. Penelope and her brothers were the closest thing I had to family, so I took their name after my divorce.”

“That’s beautiful,” his smile is so soft, she wonders if he feels the same about Penelope.

“What do you consider a perfect day?” She moves on before she can pry into his personal life further, just to pry into his personal life further— in another direction.

“Nobody dies.”

“Even the bad guys?” She squints as she asks it, wondering if that was an appropriate topic for the first date.

“I’m not a fan of the prison system, and I’m really not a very big fan of suicide by cop, let alone lethal injection,” he explained. “Just because you’re a murderer or a psychopath doesn’t mean you have to die too, there is rehabilitation and a way to keep them sane and alive while keeping people safe. I just hate when people die.”

“Me too,” her smile is sad, “my perfect day would be having my parents back, I’d like to show them my degree and go out for ice cream and give them another hug.”

“We should have our perfect days back to back,” his voice is low, he was nervous to say it. “Cause then once you bring them back, I stop people from dying and they can stay forever.”

He sees her heartbreak as the tears well in her eyes, “that would be nice.”

“Um,” he clears his throat and then takes a sip of water. “When was the last time you sang to yourself, or someone else?”

“I was singing in the car on the way here,” she smiles with a sniffle, “I sing a lot actually. I’m always humming or tapping as well, if my mind is wandering then it has to make some kind of noise.”

“What is your favourite thing to hum?” He can’t stop himself from asking it, “I personally do the muppets, duh duh nanana, manamanah.”

She laughs again, and a tear slips out as her eyes close. She hurries to wipe it away, “I often find myself doing the teletubbies song, you know; ‘Tinky-Winky, Dipsy,’” she sings the words before humming the tune to match.

“That’s a good one too,” Spencer is really enthusiastic suddenly, the way he would be with Penelope. He was really comfortable. “If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?”

“Mind, because that’s how you keep a good body. If I can keep the strength and willpower to get up in the mornings and go to work and remember why I love being alive, I’ll be young forever,” she answers like it’s rehearsed.

“I was going to say I’d want my mind too, but the way you said it is a lot more elegant,” he teases. “My mom has Alzheimer's, you were honest about wanting kids and you should know that's genetic. I can also pass on schizophrenia and any other mental illness, like depression, bipolar disorder and most definitely anxiety—

“Spencer,” she reaches across the table for his hand, “breathe, that’s not scary to me. My grandma had it too, I’m not optimal gene-wise either.”

He takes a deep breath, “Sorry.”

“It makes you real to react like that, I don’t mind seeing that side of you. Fake strong men and men who compensate are the worst, in my opinion.”

“Mine too,” he agrees. “I am an anxious worrier, I barely sleep, I’m terrified of the dark, I have PTSD nightmares about my short stay in prison, and I cry a lot when I’m alone.”

“It was a mistake clearly? The prison stay, that is.”

“Yeah,” he nods, moving to the next question. “Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?”

She laughs through her nose at the switch topic change, “well until I was 19 I thought my husband was going to kill me, then I thought maybe it would be myself, now I’m content dying in my sleep when I'm old.”

“It is ever-changing,” he agrees. “I have died before.”

“What did it feel like?”

She doesn’t ask how, she knows he was sober, she knows he’s been to prison, she knows he’s an agent. It wasn’t a surprise. Penelope even almost died once before, it was an unfortunate part of the job.

“Warm.”

“Like soothing warm, like drinking a hot chocolate, or that uncomfortable warm like being in a hot car?”

“Like a hug.”

Her lips purse, she hums a bit. “Yeah, my answer stays the same.”

“Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.”

“You like to learn,” she smiles again. “You enjoy the mysteries and the horribleness of the world because it keeps you grounded. You love your mom.”

“We love Penelope, our hearts have similar scars, life has been mean to us for no reason,” he adds 3 more for good measure.

“What are you grateful for in life?” She asks the next question.

“I’ve never said this before,” he prefaces, “but found family. If it wasn’t for my team, no matter who was coming and going over the years, anyone who has had my back. Anyone who loves me in any capacity. That’s what I’m grateful for.”

“We’re not even through the first set of questions and I can see why everyone loves you,” she admits. Moving far too fast, doing exactly what Derek wanted from her.

To scare him and see if he still stays.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Spencer stops the questions, “I can’t continue if I can’t tell you this.”

“Yeah, what’s wrong?”

“Derek and Emily bet me $20 that I couldn’t get someone to fall in love with me, he wanted to set this up and then hit on you in a week and see if you picked me over him, and it feels like a really shitty thing to do to you. It’s making me feel like you’re an object more than a person and I feel really bad about it.”

She just laughs and he has no idea why. “He bet me that I could be as insane as I am with most of my dates and you’d still want to stay with me after a week.”

“You’re not mad?” He worries, by passing her words and the implications of it all.

“No, did you truly mean how you feel?”

“Yes…”

“Then I accept your apology, you’re really kind Spencer. I believe you when you speak, I trust you,” she explains her reasoning and he settles once more. “You’re the most real man I’ve ever met, I think.”

“Thank you,” he smiles again, reaching out for her hand once more, “do you want to finish these questions?”

“Not really,” she smirks, “I think they were wrong about all 35 of them making you fall in love with someone.”

“How so?”

“It only took me 9.”

It’s so absurd they start to laugh, making eye contact, they feel delirious. His hand in hers, she squeezes it lightly and he never wants to let it go.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

“Sure, did you drive?” She asks.

“No, I walked over.”

She gets up from the table and takes his hand once more, “well, are we going to mine or yours?”

“Are you living with Penelope?”

“Yours it is then,” she teases, bumping his shoulder. This was going to be fun.

Spencer pays for their meal and meets her out front, he gets in her passenger seat and gives her the directions. “Do you want to finish the questions on the drive?” He asks.

“Hmm, well, 11 is a long one, if you want to start telling me your life story in graphic detail? Or we can jump to 12 and you can tell me what super ability you’d like to wake up with?”

“Have you ever watched star trek?”

She’s not expecting that, it makes her take a double-take, she laughs lightly, “Yeah, why?”

“Deanna Troi can sense peoples emotions, I think that would really help with my job,” he explains it easily. “And in times like this.”

“I can just tell you,” she offers, pulling into his apartment complex, she can tell why he walked.

“You don’t have to yet, let it simmer,” he smiles softly, he’s not ready for her to make a decision like loving him when she really doesn’t know everything yet. “Come inside?”

She nods, getting out and taking his hand again for the walk inside. His house is green, and it makes sense. There are door wooden bookshelves and the distant smell of old books and spilled coffee, it’s dusty and old and very Spencer.

“Can I tell you some of my story?” She asks as she kicks her shoes off.

“Absolutely,” he follows her lead, “do you want anything, wine, water?”

“Wine would be nice,” she smiles, following him to the kitchen, “you know my favourite place to talk to someone is in the kitchen.”

“Why?”

“It's the heart of the house,” she smiles slightly, “that's what my mom used to say. This is where all the love happens.”

He loves her and he knows it already, she makes him happy and calm and if she’s in the heart of his house she might as well know all of his own heart.

“I was born in Vegas,” Spencer admits, pushing his life story past his lips before she can stop him or else he wouldn’t.

“My mom was a professor, my dad is an attorney, I have always been really smart and not so athletic, I enjoy chess and reading and I had big thick glasses as a child. My mom participated in a murder and my dad covered it up and that ruined their marriage but they blamed it on her schizophrenia when he left. And then I was left to raise her when she was supposed to be raising me. I cared for her until I turned 13, I left her during the weeks and my aunt would make sure she was okay and I would travel back and forth from CalTech and Vegas on the weekends.”

She can see the exhaustion on his face at just remembering it.

“I got my licence at 16, and then I took her car and it was easier. When I was 18 I put her in a sanatarium and sold her house and took a road trip with my friend to Virginia to go to the academy. He didn’t like it after a week and asked me to go with him to New Orleans and I didn’t— I met my mentor and joined the BAU instead. I was kidnapped and drugged by a man with DID… I died and then his personality switched and Tobias brought me back. I had an addiction to Dilaudid for a few months after, then I got sober after visiting Ethan in New Orleans.”

“Was he good to you?”

“Wonderful,” he smiles, “he was my shoulder to cry on for a long time and I didn’t realize how much I needed him in my recovery until we got a case and I had a reason to see him. I missed a plane and ignored my friends to just be with him. He’s the reason I got clean, not anything else… he told me that I was too special to hate myself, and he was right.”

“He was,” she smiles. “He sounds lovely.”

“And then, the first time I saw my mom after putting her in the sanatarium was because she told parts of our case to a man who lost his daughter, and he did a lot of messed up stuff… like he shot my co-worker. She was another special person to me—“

“I’m so sorry.”

He smiles, “she lived, don’t worry. I loved Elle, she was amazing but the bureau didn’t see that. She was a broken toy to them, we all become one eventually. I miss her a lot.”

She walks into his space and wraps her arms around him, giving him a hug as he rests against the counter, she makes no attempt to move back. Holding him in the heart of the house, close to her own. He holds her back just as tight.

“Maeve, she was another person I loved who got shot, she died. I see her sometimes when I sleep, she visits me when I’m in the most need. I’ll always love her, but she’s gone. The only other woman who claims to have loved me was a psychopath who is dead now too, she framed me for murder, had me drugged, kidnapped my mother and the list goes on and it’s not pretty. In prison she had a lot of bad things happen to me, I have scars that will never heal and a part of me was lost but I’m okay now.”

They have a moment of silence in the middle of their stories, she absorbs it while preparing her own, rubbing his back as her cheek stays pressed to his chest.

“I was born in California, my parents were high school sweethearts, they made me at prom. Learned that from the scrapbooks,” she laughs against his chest, “they were great and then they died when I was 14, it was a mass shooting at a mall, and I went to a foster home. I married the oldest son in the home after he groomed me for a few years… I met Penelope when I was 20 and she helped me get divorced and back on my feet and her brothers protected me.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry you relate to loss.”

“It's the one thing that unites us all, really,” Spencer’s voice is barely a whisper. “When you think about it, we’re all born and we all die, the only difference is how we fill the middle.”

They never get to that bottle of wine he mentioned, she pulls back and asks the next question as she drags him to his bedroom. “If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?”

“If I get to have kids.”

She drags him into the room and closes the door, “that was going to be my answer.”

“Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?” He asks as she starts to take her clothes off.

“Sleep beside the love of my life.”

“I’ve never woken up beside the love of my life,” he replies with a soft smile and follows suit, getting undressed down to their underwear before climbing in bed.

“Greatest accomplishment?” She asks as they settle in, laying her cheek on his chest once more.

He takes a moment to think of everything he’s done that has been good, and one really stands out. “there was a case a few years back, we found a bunch of kids who went missing and returned them to their families and gave answers to the families of children who didn’t make it. Days like that feel like a reward.”

“Getting divorced,” she pushes the words out quickly.

“Most valued friendship?” He asks, knowing she doesn’t need to explain herself.

“Penelope.”

“Derek.”

“Most treasured memory?”

“When JJ placed her son in my arms and told me I was his godfather,” his voice is hushed and she knows it’s because he doesn’t want to cry. “It's the closest I’ve gotten to being a father so far.”

“I got an end of the year present when I was first starting out, this girl told me that I was the reason she enjoyed reading again and it was the reason I started teaching, I’ll never forget her. Tammy Brownlee, she graduated in 2009 and we’ve been Facebook friends ever since.”

“Most terrible memory?”

“My parents dying.”

“You’d think mine would be dying right?” He asked, she nodded against his chest, “it was actually being held down by 3 men, getting a sock shoved in my mouth while they beat me.”

She kissed his chest softly, “I’m sorry, I know that feeling. Mind you, he was only 1 man, it’s not a good feeling.”

“If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?”

“If it’s definite; not like a chance or a cancer statistic, if it’s like this is the day you die no ifs and's or butts, then I’d just continue as normal and have 1 really awesome day right before,” she smiles against him. “Make the most of it all.”

“If I was dying a year today, I’d ask you to marry me.”

“Already?” She laughs, thinking he’s kidding.

“You want a nice husband and a kid? I will be good for you as long as I know you, and I’ll have as many kids as you want me to help you make.”

She’s silent as she thinks about it. “What does friendship mean to you?”

“Someone who is there for you even when they don’t want to be, even when it’s hard,” Spencer whispers, thinking about his friends.

“It means hacking the government and voiding a marriage and changing someone's name so they can escape,” Y/N whispers. “don’t tell the feds she did that too.”

“What roles do love and affection play in your life?”

“I crave it and hardly receive it, but I give it out like it’s a sample at costco,” she snickers at the example she gave. “It’s something that people have always admired about me and yet it’s also the thing that scares people away. When I love, I love hard and it’s full and annoying and you will feel suffocated sometimes, but just tell me when and I’ll back off.”

“I don’t know how to ask for what I need,” Spencer whispers. “But I need someone to love me like that.”

“The next one is to alternate 5 good things about each other,” she rests her chin on her hand as she looks up at his face in the darkness, “soft.”

He pauses for a moment, bypassing the easiest one and saying pretty, instead, he says; “you’re honest.”

“You’re very caring,” she replies.

“You see beauty in the world still.”

She smiles at that one, “you make the world beautiful.”

“You are beautiful.”

“And you’re handsome, that’s my 4th,” she keeps track in her head.

“You’re true, to your heart, your promises, everything.”

“And you’re real, you see the world for what it is and you don’t try to change it for the better. You want to make it manageable,” her explanation is the longest one yet. “Was your childhood happy, and do you feel close with your family still?”

“I write to my mom every single day and I drop the notes off weekly, and no,” he doesn’t want to cry, but he feels like he might again. “It was liveable, I made it.”

“Mine was happy until I was 14, then I was alone, I have 1 living aunt and she is strange but I get a card from her every Christmas,” Y/N adds. “I’d like to think your lack of love and my need to fill the world with what I miss from my parents will make a really good family dynamic.”

“Me too.”

“How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?” She asks, “I think I know already, but it’s the next one.”

“She hit me a few years ago because I made her take some medicine, she hit me once when I was a kid too…” he whispers them so that they stay a secret, if they can’t be heard else where then they don’t exist in his mind. “She was a wonderful mother but the worst memories stick out the most now. She’s forgetting everything and all I can remember is how hard it’s been on me, like a bad son.”

“My mom was my best friend, and I still talk to her every day, I bring her and my dad around with me in my necklace,” she pulls the chain on her neck and shows him the little jar. “Mom, Dad, this is Spencer. Spencer, this is my mom and dad.”

He holds it in his hand and tips it gently, “nice to meet you.”

“The next one is weird,” she changed the topic again.

“Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling…" Spencer says it verbatim. “We are both feeling understood.”

“We are both hopeful.”

“We are both falling in love,” Spencer ends the feelings with the most prominent one.

“We are,” she agrees with another smile.

“Finish this,” he insists on moving forward, “I wish I had someone I could share…”

“The rest of my life with,” she whispers this time. “If we become besties, what’s something I should know?”

“I think I’ve told you all the important stuff so far,” Spencer thinks hard, pausing for a moment. “My butt is ticklish?”

It makes her giggle, “that is a good one. My sides and the bottom of my feet are ticklish too.”

“Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met,” Spencer reads the question back from memory, “don’t be afraid to be too honest.”

“I like that you know how I feel but I hate that you’ve been hurt. I like how you listen to me, and I really like how comfortable you make me feel. I’m almost naked in your bed right now and I know you’d never, ever hurt me, and I haven’t felt that in a really long time.”

“I like that you are indulging me in the dream of becoming a husband and a dad one day… most people say it’ll happen but they never picture it. No one has ever said yeah id have your kids. I like that you know what you want and you’re actively looking for it.”

She moves up so she can hold his face in her hands, “only 7 more. Is it working?”

He nods, “my most embarrassing moment is the time I had a wet dream on the work jet.”

She laughs and then covers her mouth in panic, “I’m sorry that’s not funny.”

“It is, it’s fine,” he smiles. “I was dreaming about kissing this actress we helped, she actually did kiss me in the pool, so I guess it was bound to happen.”

She leans in and presses her lips against his, holding his cheeks in her hands his wrap around her waist as he holds her there. She peppers smaller kisses to his lips before pulling back, “we both cried in front of each other already today, so next question.”

“Tell me what you like about me already?”

Her hands trail his chest and down towards his boxers, he’s hard again from just kissing and she smirks, “this is promising.”

His hand on her back unclips her bra, “I love boobs, not even going to lie. They are my weakness.”

She pushes the straps down and tosses her bra aside, pressing her naked chest against his, she moves on. “What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?”

“Being called insane, saying I'm seeing things, or acting crazy, those are things I don’t like to be told because they make my anxiety worse.”

“Noted,” she smiles. “I talk to myself a lot so get ready for that.”

“Okay,” he smiles, she’s way too easy to be real.

“I don’t want to mention my last husband from here on out, I think if I get married again I will never tell anyone I have a first husband,” she’s firm in her words.

“Technically, Y/N Garcia has never had a husband,” he reminds her.

Her face lights up at the realization, “you’re right.”

“If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?” Spencer asks.

“I regret not screaming at my ex before I disappeared but I wanted to live.”

He hums, understanding how it feels. “There isn’t anyone in specific I’ve wanted to tell this to, but I wanted to kill people when I was in prison. It made me really angry being in there and I let myself dream about killing people who hurt me and then I almost did kill someone.”

“Remember what you said about bad guys?” She whispers a helpful tip, “even the worst people deserve to have a chance at life. And you’re not hardly as bad as the worst people you’ve met.”

“You’re right,” he agrees. “Thank you.”

“This place burns down, what’s one thing you’d run back inside for? Outside of people and animals…” she asks the 3rd last question.

“The book Maeve gave me.”

“The girlfriend who died?” She confirms, and he nods. “If my place with Penelope burned down, I just want my necklace and I don’t take it off that often.”

“The next question is interesting,” Spencer thinks about it, “Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing, and why?”

“I’m glad I wasn’t at the mall with my parents, if I saw them get shot it would hurt more,” she whispers. “I’m sorry you had to see Maeve die like that.”

“In a way, I’m glad I saw Maeve get shot, otherwise I wouldn’t have believed it. She never felt real to me and then she was dead…”

She just hums, “Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it,” she whispers the last question.

“Also, ask your partner to reflect to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen,” Spencer adds in the second half.

“I need to find a place to stay now that I’m here, I don’t want to keep living with Penelope. As much as I love her, I want my own place,” Y/N admits.

“I think I’m in love with this girl that I just met and I don’t know if it’s too soon to ask her to look for a house with me?” Spencer pretends to sigh, “she’s super cool and I think we’d make some nice kids. I would love some advice.”

“Has she told you she loves you yet?” She teases.

Spencer shakes his head. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, too, Spencer,” she replies, leaning in one more time to kiss him.

It’s deeper this time, she breathes him in and rests her forehead against his as she breathes between them.

“How did that work?” She whispers, truly amazed at how easy it was.

He shrugs, “it’s a good questionnaire.”

“You were really honest, your heart is really pure and I would like to get to know you more, but I feel like I know everything?” She shakes her head while she talks, overthinking all the things she has learned, “I don’t even know what could be left?”

“My birthday is October 28th?” He whispers, “we have a lot to discover yet.”

—

When she doesn’t come home in the morning, Penelope knows she’s at Reid’s house. She just doesn’t expect to walk in and find them naked in Reid’s bed, out cold and cuddled together with their clothes all over the room.

It looks like something happened. If only she knew the truth.

“Oh my god?” Penelope’s voice wakes them up and Spencer scrambles to make sure they are covered by his blankets.

“What are you doing here?” Y/N shouts as she wakes up.

“I came to see if you were okay. I expected one of you to be on the couch, I didn’t think it went this good?”

“We just slept in the same bed, I promise,” Spencer turned bright red as he panicked, “we just got to know each other and talked all night, in what we normally sleep in.”

“Uh-huh,” Penelope smirks, “so I take it the 36 questions worked?”

“Perhaps,” Y/N smirks back at her sister.

“Do you use it on many people?”

“No one has made it past the first question,” she smiles at him instead, kissing his cheek as Penelope watches.

“That’s my queue to go, um… yeah, wow, I didn’t see this happening so fast,” Penelope is shocked but in the best way.

She leaves just as fast as she arrived and Y/N settles back into Spencer the second she closes the bedroom door. “You know, if she’s not going to believe us we might as well do it? If you accidentally get me pregnant then we can move fast and no one will question it.”

He laughs, “accidentally, is the key word there.”

“My parents made me at prom after crushing on each other for 2 years… I think knowing each other for 2 days isn’t the weirdest way to start a family?”

“Honestly,” Spencer lets out a sigh and her happy mood drops to a more serious one. “I was a little worried that we’d wake up this morning and you’d change your mind.”

“Why?”

“In the heat of the moment, learning everything about each other and saying I love you was really exhilarating, but I have a hard time believing it,” he admits, “not many people mean it, or stay around after they tell me they love me.”

She cuddles back into the crook of his neck and holds him as tightly as possible, wrapping a leg around him for optimal coverage, “I am staying right here, because I love you, Spencer.”

“Okay,” he whispers. Sounding like he still doesn’t believe it.

“I love you because you’re honest, you want what I want and you’re truly kind. You’re friends with my sister, you’re smart, you would make a great dad, you won't hurt me, you are really nice to cuddle with, and I know you mean it when you say you love me because it’s not a word you use lightly.”

“Are you my girlfriend now?” He wonders aloud, “cause if you really want to have a kid, I have my mom's old wedding ring in my closet, and I would rather be married to you before we do that?”

“Okay,” she whispers, tears welling in her eyes as she hides her face in his neck, “the courthouse is literally just down the road?”

“We can get breakfast together after?” Spencer adds, rubbing her back as they plan, he wasn’t scared anymore.

“Penelope will kill me if she’s not there, can we have her as our witness?” Y/N finally sits up to look at him, pulling away to sit on the bed, still shirtless.

His smile while he tries to keep eye contact with her is so funny, she giggles a little as she hides her nipples behind her palms and cups her boobs.

“I’m pretty sure she’s still in my living room,” Spencer giggles, “Penelope!?”

She comes back in then, “yes?”

“We’re going to the courthouse to get married, wanna come?” Y/N asks with an embarrassed smile.

“Yes!” She cheers, “I’ll go get you a dress!”

And then she’s off again, this time actually leaving Spencer’s apartment. “What if we don’t tell Derek, and let him hit on me next week anyway?

“Then you can say ‘sorry I have a husband,’ and he’ll body slam me to the floor,” Spencer laughs nervously, “the whole team is going to be so pissed they missed my wedding…”

She frowns, “send out a mass text, tell them to meet us at the court house, it’s their day off right?”

“You’re right,” he smiles.

This was going to be interesting.

—

Walking out of the courthouse, hand in hand, she’s in a white dress, he’s in a suit he’d probably wear to work, Penelope is crying and the whole team is waiting outside for them.

At the bottom of the courthouse steps, they all clap and cheer, throwing rice at them like an old movie, Spencer’s smiling so hard his cheeks are burning. Y/N introduces herself to everyone, hugged over and over by everyone she should have met 15 years ago.

Derek is tapping his foot, waiting for Spencer to come and hug him, “what the fuck?” He asks as Spencer steps into his space, wrapping his arms around him and shaking his back and forth.

“Nice try, I’ll give you $20 as a thank you,” Spencer teases as he pulls away. “She is perfect.”

JJ and Will are busy talking to Y/N when he turns around, Mike and Henry not far behind them. Spencer walks over and wraps Henry up in his arms, the kid was growing way too fast, Spencer loved him so much it hurt sometimes.

“Y/N, this is my godson,” Spencer introduces them, “Henry, this is Y/N.”

She gives him a big hug too, “do you have any cousins, Henry?”

“No, but I was 8 when Michael was born,” he smiles, “and I’m getting old enough to be a good babysitter?”

Spencer laughed, messing up Henry’s hair quickly with a smile, “I’m sure by the time you’re a cousin you’ll be great.”

They take a group photo outside, Spencer and Y/N in the middle, everyone was smiling. It was the first time all of them had been in a photo together, the entirety of Spencer’s found family. Now they were Y/N’s too.

She hyphenated her last name, Y/N Garcia-Reid, and their kids would share the same one. He was not only about became a father thanks to Y/N, but Penelope would also become an Aunt once more. It was like a gift that kept on giving, seeing Spencer and Y/N create a little family of their own.

—

She cried her eyes out when she met Diana. She wasn’t expecting to be so emotional, but then Diana was lucid and very welcoming and sweet.

“It’s going to be a pleasure having you as my daughter,” Diana smiles, thinking it was just a nice thing to say.

Y/N cries and holds her so tight Diana almost can’t breathe but she lets her hold her as long as she needs to, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome?”

“I haven’t had someone to call mom since I was 14,” Y/N whispers, “if that’s okay?”

Diana hugs her just a little too tight in response, “you can call me mom whenever you want.”

“Just until you become a grandma,” she whispers again as she pulls back and Diana’s attention snaps to Spencer.

“Are you trying?”

He nods, “we want kids, we’re not getting any younger.”

Diana wraps him up in a hug and he almost falls off his chair at the sheer force of it, she was so happy for him. She knew this was all he’s ever wanted; because he would be good at it, he had all this love in his heart, and he wanted to show his father how easy it is to stay.

“You’re going to be a great dad, Spencer,” she holds his cheeks as she pulls away, “I’m proud of you.”

He cried. It’s all he’s wanted from her, and now he has everything right here in this room.

—

When they find out they’re pregnant after the first try, it’s really funny to them. It was all working so well, it was a little too much for them at first. They were looking for a house, she was looking for a permanent teaching job but Spencer convinced her to wait until after the baby is born to go back.

They name her Morgan Garcia-Reid as a thank you for Derek’s little bet, and before she’s even 6 months old they’re pregnant again. By the time they have 4 kids under 5 they take a break and just enjoy their little family.

To think Derek gave them 7 days to fall in love… and then they lived happily ever after.

taglist: @g0lden-cth @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @ssavanessa22 @spookyspence @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria@reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor @blanchardsbk

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine

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stardew-stories · 4 years ago

Note

I'd love some Harvey content. Literally anything. Fluff, angst, all of it. Please 🥰

you-

you get me

He tends to be on the frugal side with his personal spending, but he does typically splurge on hygiene stuff

He nearly always wears cologne, and he prefers scents that are more spicy and mature, and is a fan of classic scents. I could see him wearing Paco Robanne Pour Homme

He also takes great pride in his hair, both his facial hair and the hair on his head, likely showers daily and uses a nice beard oil that complements his cologne

He, unfortunately, doesn't have the best imagination when it comes to fashion, and tends to follow outfits verbatim to how he saw them presented at the store or online

He really enjoys those eclectic suits with bright colors or patterns but he feels too shy, or that he's not interesting enough to get away with wearing them. pls hype him up bc on yoba he looks so handsome in them

Even with his more tame and professional outfits, he likes to wear fun socks

He gives me STRONG southern gentleman vibes, love that for him (im blushing)

He exclusively drinks his coffee black(and strong enough to put hair on your chest), and he will lovingly tease you if you prefer your coffee heavily sweetened

Hates iced coffee, switches to iced tea on hotter day

He's a huge fan on weighted blankets. The first few times he stayed with you at your house he didn't bring his(partly bc he didn't want to be a nuisance, partly bc it's 20 pounds and too tedious to carry back and forth) and thusly had a difficult time sleeping. He didn't want to bring it up with you in case you felt bad, but of course you noticed. You surprise him with his very own blanket for your house and he almost tears up at the kind gesture.

He has a very smooth voice. 100% ask him to read to you, it's amazing

he, of course, loves jazz music. Surprisingly enough, though, he does enjoy modern pop music. (he's secretly a Taylor Swift fan, and has gone to concerts with his sister)

He isn't a very good cook, but after getting married he really puts his mind to it so that he can make healthy meals for the two of you with all of the delicious produce you grow!

He prefers semi-sweet red wine, such as a red zinfandel

I think he would absolutely love to have a study in the house you two share, at the very least a nice space in the living room with a comfy arm chair to read in, and lots of bookshelves.

He has a minor in nutrition science

He has a gluten sensitivity as well as being lactose intolerant(I think the lactose intolerance is canon??)

Be that as it may, he has a huge spot for pumpkin bread or maple pastries

He's very strict with himself about how much screentime he has per day, especially in the nighttime

He's very much a naturally late riser, but he rarely lets himself sleep in

His parents saved all of his childhood stuffed animals, and he happily gives them all to his own children.

He has a soft spot for the goats on your farm. He's ecstatic when you let him name the new additions

Oh my goodness this got so loooong. I just love this dude so much. I didn't really get into any angst or....pg-13 hcs....but feel completely free to ask more stuff about my main man Harvey ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

#it's took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out the new text editor oops #only 21 and I already have a boomer's understanding of technology #stardew valley #sdv #stardew valley harvey #sdv harvey #harvey #harvey sdv #mod ollie

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serenawitchwriter · 4 years ago

Text

BNHA fusion (minor cast/Deku)

IzuYami

Goth™

Emo™

DRAMATIC™

fluffy feathers

monologues

advanced shadow control and counting dark shadow, nine spirits that can come out of them

constantly playing with their cloak

swish swish

will cry if you’re nice to them

incredibly creative

good at drawing

fears their own power and is incredibly cautious as a result

writes poetry and short stories

a gentle soul

broods alone, looks kinda stupid

tends to get caught up in his own dramatics and forgets the world around him

gets along surprising well with the Aoyama

seems to be having fun

MomoDeku

insecure

perfect

that frustrating friend who doesn’t believe you when you say they’e perfect

literally the smartest person you’ll ever meet

like Nedzu level smarts

probably has tea with Principal Nedzu

uses big words that you have no chance of knowing

talks to themselvesX2

THE MOST ATTRACTIVE PERSON

long dark curly hair and freckles with an Elvin face

Rube Goldberg plans and strategies that run too smoothly to be real

looks yandere when they get serious or angry but isn’t one

QUEEN

so gentle most of the time

does crafts when anxious

the crafts get progressively more absurd the more anxious they are

Jirou walked in and found them working a loom. they could have just pulled tapestry out of their body fully formed but instead they made a loom and actually wove it

gives gifts and crafts to all their friends

made action figures of all their classmates

the prettiest smile

has a crush on Todoroki

KouDeku

soft

still selectively mute

still literally a disney princess, constantly surrounded by animals

animalistic. izuku’s feral energy, and kouda socializing more with animals than people adds up to a person who moves and sometimes acts like an animal.

is particularly predatory when defending loved ones, children, and animals.

doesn’t need to speak to show emotions. is incredibly expressive

still has a rock shaped head, but is covered in a soft short green fur over his entire body. people are going to compare them to the Grinch or the moss monster in Creepshow. they don’t deserve that

baby with big green eyes

cries easily

deceptively clever

strong and fast. will tackle/pounce on you like a wild animal and you don’t stand a chance

draws a lot, particularly still life’s, scenery, and animals

surprisingly easy to make angry, they have a strong moral code and will get mad if you go against it

besties with the mutant types

old soul

probably knits to wind down at the end of the day.

master of giving dirty or sarcastic looks. again they don’t have to speak to express what they’re thinking. this is particularly funny with Bakugou because they’ll give him a ‘you’re an idiot’ look and Bakugou will yell at them to say it again even though they’ve said nothing

subtly manipulative. which is impressive given their muteness

probably has a predator animal companion. i want to say a tiger or a bear. bear would fit more aesthetically.

also has a ferret companion, named Lucky. whether that name is accurate remains to be seen

ShojiDeku

tentacles

tol and stronk, boy is even more solid muscle than either are alone, could bench press a building

still wears a mask. green eyes, curly silver hair, might have freckles but the mask covers them

scarred arms

respects women

very gentle

insanely creative with their quirk. they use mainly Izuku’s tentacles and strength because their body can handle it and it’s so freaking versatile. add enhanced senses and they’re basically prepared for anything

has a crush on Tsuyu

spends most of their time alone, but in a content way.

quiet

likes to climb things, buildings, trees, walls. they like to be high up

will pat shorter friends heads, like the gentle giant they are

can absolutely still go feral but have to be pushed pretty far to get to that point

genuinely likes to study

is good at science

likes to clean and fix things

good at repairs

finds catharsis and improving situations

AoDeku

chronic pain

cloud-like yellow hair with glitter in it, they try to style it, but it actively fights them. still covered in glitter

a weird, nervous smile

long eyelashes and purple doe eyes

didn’t get the freckles but will draw them on with makeup

full of anxiety and fear

weird laugh.

genuinely doing their best

get’s frustrated with people who aren’t trying

loves bread and cheese

multilingual

a fantastic artist. likes to paint

loves fantasy as a genre

prone to having deep fantasies and daydreams

they like to imply they’re magic/ psychic/ a witch and will read your palm and predict the future fairly accurately but really they’re just good at analysis

magic becomes their hero theme

can shoot lasers from any body part, can even make laser tentacles, but the backlash is bad

hates the hospital with a passion

struggles to ask for help or talk to adults

is actually pretty quiet most of the time. genuinely shy

don’t be mean to them, it’s like hurting a baby dear

has a tired cynical side but they don’t like that side of themselves

has a quiet sort of wisdom that goes far in helping their friends

HagaDeku

mischievous

cheeky

invisible

invisible tentacles, also imagine getting his by someone with super strength when you can’t see them. flout with invisibility is also a scary combination

really positive

wears way too many accessories

talks a lot

bubbly

scary when they go silent, the type to spy and eavesdrop

will also just disappear sometimes. sometimes they’re just recharging after being too social, sometimes they are fighting villains

recovery girls nightmare. can you imagine performing surgery on someone you can’t see. if they just lose consciousness somewhere they’ll be hard to find

loves pop music

an all might stan

ships their friends

gets bored easily, will go and find trouble if it gets too bad

follows other chaotic people around, including the teachers.

is considered really creepy, has definitely been called a stalker in the past

a master of psychological warfare

likes sweets

plays dnd and collects dice

(masterlist)

#fusion au #mha #tokodeku #momodeku #koudeku #shojideku #aodeku #yuma aoyagi #yaoyorozu momo #kouda kouji #shojimezo #midoriya izuku #tokoyami fumigake #bnha #serenawitchwriter

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just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot · 5 years ago

Text

Soulmate September - Day 6

Day 6 - When your soulmate is injured you will experience pain in that area

Pairing(s): Analoceitmus [ambiguous, can be read romantic or platonic, or a mix], QPR Royality

TWs: Injury mention, swearing, Remus being Remus near the end

–

“I’m going to sue him.”, Logan hissed, attempting to sit up in his hospital bed, “Soulmate or not, how can one man possibly be so irresponsible?! I’m definitely going to sue him.”

He winced as he tried to get comfy, but the tough mattress and uncomfortable bunching of the sheets said suffer.

And boy, was he.

Logan Sanders was an immaculate, careful man. Had been since he was a child. A neat and tidy lad who - upon learning of the rules of fate - made it his utmost mission to spare his soulmate any pain or anguish for as long as he could manage.

His soulmate, however, didn’t seem to share that sentiment.

From childhood, Logan found himself with sudden knee pains from scrapes he never fell for, abrasions he had caused no friction to gain, and the occasional shoulder or back pain as if he’d been pushed over when he was standing perfectly upright. At least the universe had decided to spare humanity the anguish of leaving soulmates with the physical injuries that came with the pain, but it was only a minor comfort.

Logan couldn’t say he hadn’t expected a lot of rough and tumble from his soulmate after his elementary school years, but really; a broken leg, facial burns, and a splintered forearm? “This is absolute bullshit.”, he bitterly muttered, “Barely hours apart! How is that even possible?!”

His ranting went ignored by the nurse who came to administer his medication; thankfully science had worked out a wonderful little clear pill that could banish the pain from particularly debilitating soulmate pains. The little bastards were expensive - the true pain is always capitalism within the medical world - but Logan’s job paid handsomely. Say what you will about computer nerds and whatnot, but programming for the right people lets you make some seriously high end bread. None of that homemade farmer’s market shit.

Unfortunately, he’d have to wait about a week for his pains to ebb gently into nothingness until the klutz of a man fate paired him with got into MORE trouble. Thus Logan couldn’t get back to his work. His leg was, for all intents and purposes, broken so the staff couldn’t let him go home. He couldn’t simply drive home himself either, his splintered forearm saw to that. And Logan couldn’t even ask his roommate Emile to bring him his work laptop to try and keep his workload at bay, his left eye was too cloudy and painful to concentrate on a screen.

Yes; his soulmate BETTER be paying his hospital bills.

Realisation struck Logan; his soulmate is obviously just as injured, ergo it’s a high probability that he could be somewhere within the hospital too. Using his good hand to reach for a pen, and absolutely dreading adding to his pain, Logan poked the tip into his good arm, wincing as he first attempted to contact them with simple morse code, “My/ Name/ Is/ Logan. Who/ Are/ You?”

He waited for a response, fearing he would have to start scratching his name onto his arm when he felt the little jabs in response, “Janus.” Great. He FINALLY had a name to put on the lawsuit. Logan, already wincing at the bee-sting pain from the pen, he jabbed out another message,

“Are/ You/ Currently/ Staying/ At/ Stokes/ General/ Hospital?”

The reply came cryptically,

“Yes / I / -”

Logan wasn’t sure why his soulmate had suddenly stopped replying. Had a nurse confiscated whatever his soulmate was using to poke himself? Either way, Logan would have to be content with the knowledge his soulmate was at least close by. He truly had no idea how close until two very disgruntled voices were within earshot of his room door,

“Brilliant, I just adore being ousted from my comfortable bed so I could spend even longer looking at your delightful face.”

“Oh, like you’re the victim here, asshole! You’re the one stabbing yourself and fucking up my unbroken arm!”

Logan watched them both argue outside of his room door. Both men were sporting similar injuries to his own; the first one that had spoken, refined looking gentleman with sharp features and neat blonde hair, had the left side of his face bandaged heavily. Meanwhile the other man, sporting raven hair and eye bags that could carry a month’s worth of groceries, was fitted with a cast on his left forearm. Both of them were on crutches, though Logan couldn’t see if either had a genuine cast.

“Ahem. Gentlemen?”

Logan called to them, watching as both turned to meet his gaze. He lifted the pen in his hand and asked, “I take it one of you is Janus?”

The man with the bandages over his eye, Janus, nodded, “That would be me.”

The man with the broken arm looked confused, “Wait, so, you’re the one who was ramming a pen into their arm? Damn.”, he turned, begrudgingly to the first man, “I guess I owe you an apology then.”

“Really you needn’t-”

“Then I shan’t.”

Janus glared at the other man’s snark, but Logan found it rather delightful. Clearing his throat once more, he breached the topic, “I take it that means we three are soulmates?”

“Four.”

Logan and Janus looked to the third man as he explained, “Your leg doesn’t have a proper cast on it, this asshole doesn’t have one either,”, Janus gifted the man a half glare and a middle finger before he continued, “And since I don’t have one, it’s pretty obvious there’s a fourth musketeer.”

Fair to say, Logan was impressed, even Janus was hiding the tiniest hint of admiration as he retorted, “And are we to call you Sherlock or D’artagnan?”

The man rolled his eyes, “Ha ha, fuck you. My name’s-”

“VIRGIL!!”

The man, Virgil, nearly lept out of his skin, jerking his arm and giving the three of them a jolt of pain. Logan felt relieved he’d only have to put up with it for a few more days once the medicine took effect.

In the doorway stood a man who could only be described as unnecessarily handsome, clad in a burgundy bomber jacket and a Nightmare Before Christmas shirt that seemed out of place on someone who stood poised like the protagonist of a romance anime. Logan noted he and Janus both checked to see if his leg was broken; good to know they had similar tastes even if the man’s lack of a cast dashed their hopes. Said handsome man made a beeline for Virgil, only to receive a swat and a motion to back off,

“Jesus fucking Christ, Princey, you nearly gave me a heart attack!!!”, Virgil hissed and took a deep breath. ‘Princey’ let out a fond huff, “You should be so lucky, Bring Me The Depression, do you know how worried Pat and I were when we couldn’t find you!? This, dearest Emo Nightmare, is karma at its finest-!”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up, Roman. Where’s Pat? He’s gonna wanna meet my soulmates.”

Roman blinked, finally registering Logan and Janus just watching the two of them reunite. Clearing his throat, Logan made the introductions, “I’m Logan Sanders, this gentleman is-”

“Janus Delgado. Charmed I’m sure.”, Janus butt in, “Really, Logan, I can introduce myself. Unlike some people.”

Virgil flipped him off just in time for Roman to frown in confusion, “And…. you’re all sure you’re soulmates? I mean, no offense but you don’t...”, he picked his words carefully, his face contorting at the effort, “....act like soulmates?”

The three of them looked between one another and shrugged, “To be perfectly fair - Roman, yes? - we have all literally just met today under…. Less than optimal circumstances. I doubt you and your soulmate, assuming you’ve found them, hit it off instantly.”

Roman blinked, “Kind of, we didn’t have any problems like this, quite honestly...”, he almost sounded guilty at that notion, “The worst we have to deal with is his cat allergies-”

Out in the hallway, a couple of nurses hurriedly walked past and allowed another man into the room who immediately lit up at the sight of Roman and Virgil, “There you both are!!! I got held up at the vending machine, but when I came back you were both gone!”

“Patton! How glad I am to see you once more!”, Roman beamed, pulling the taller man into a hug and planting a dramatic kiss upon his cheek, to which Logan, Janus, and Virgil simultaneously met with an ‘ugh’. Perhaps they were more alike than they first assumed.

Patton turned to meet Janus and Logan’s gaze, looking back to Virgil who explained, “They’re two of my soulmates, Pat.”

For a moment, the tall excitable ball of sunshine looked like he was about to pop with joy when Roman held up a hand to interject, “Pardon me, but ‘two of’?”, and cast his confusion towards Virgil who explained, “Our last soulmate has a broken leg, it’s the only injury we can’t account for.”

Patton and Roman shared a momentary look, drawing Logan’s attention, “Roman? Patton? Are you both alright?”. The two seemed to play eye contact rock-paper-scissors to decide who would answer, with Roman losing apparently.

“When exactly did you feel the pain in your leg?”

“Couple hours ago” “Around three?” “Precisely 3:27 pm.”

Came the chorus of answers. Janus and Virgil both shot Logan a look, to which he quietly murmured, “It never hurts to provide a little extra clarity.”

“Apparently so,”, Janus began, before shifting his partial gaze to the couple, “So, are you lovebirds-”

“Qpp’s.”, Patton corrected quietly, to which, Janus did apologise, “Pardon me. So, are you queer platonic saps going to clue us in to why exactly you asked us such a specific question?”

Roman sighed, “I ask because my brother, Remus, broke his leg at that exact same time today. Pat and I were going to visit him right after we’d checked in with Virgil.”

The three soulmates shared a collective look, but the first one to pipe up was Virgil, “You have a brother?! Why am I only finding this out now, I’ve known you for 12 fucking years, Roman! What the fuck!?”

Logan exasperatedly ran a hand down his face as he tried to maneuver himself out of his bed and into one of the hospital’s wheelchairs, Janus offering a hand to him, “Virgil, as much as I would love to listen to you and Roman bicker back and forth, could we possibly save such trivialities for after we meet our fourth soulmate?”

This time Patton piped up, “Oh, um, you may not want to do that just yet-”

As if on cue, roughly six or seven medical staff rushed by, causing Patton and Roman to quickly look around the doorway, only to turn back to the others, “Well, no time like the present. Patton, if you help Virgil, I’ll help Janus once Logan can shimmy into that wheelchair.”, Roman assigned as he offered an arm for Logan to hold onto while he got himself in the chair. Noting the context clues, Logan was rightfully worried, especially as he felt a new pain in his hand, only to note that while Roman and Patton helped them move, Virgil and Janus seemed to be experiencing more pain in their legs than before. In the moment, Logan did feel a little bad that the pill he’d taken hours earlier was saving him from too much additional pain. Approaching the hospital room the medical staff had gathered within, the group were greeted with a wild scene.

A scruffy man strikingly similar in looks to Roman - albeit sporting a thin moustache and silver hair streak - wearing a leg cast was holding a crutch in one hand and an honest to god butterfly knife in the other, standing atop his hospital bed, raving like a lunatic and gesturing frantically to an empty space in the room,

“NOW WILL SOMEBODY FINALLY LET ME OUT OF HERE?! ME AND THIS BEAR WANNA GO CATCH HORNY FISH AND SHIT IN THE WOODS!!”

Charming.

Logan glanced over at Patton and Roman, the question clear on his face just like their answer. That was Remus alright. He watched Roman talk with a nurse trying to calm Remus, “We gave him some painkillers to ease his leg pains, but it shouldn’t be affecting him this much!”

“Oh, Remus has always been like this with medication, I should’ve warned the nursing staff.”, he groaned, “But that doesn’t explain-”

“He must’ve pushed the blue button behind his bed,”, Logan sighed, already anticipating Roman’s question, “The medical staff likely assumed Remus was coding and thus went into action. That’s why they’re here right now.”

Roman’s expression confirmed that was indeed going to be his question. As Roman went to help the nurses tranquilise Remus’ wild flailing, and while his other two soulmates stood by to watch the chaos - in varying degrees of worry and strange admiration bordering on attraction for his disregard for social norms - Logan tried to come to terms with the facts.

He had three very different soulmates, and by the looks of it? He’d have to get used to frequent hospital stays….

--------------

This one’s probably on the weirder side, but uh, yeah, I hope it’s still a good read! [Also sorry these have been a little late lately TTvTT] @tsshipmonth2020 Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @cateye-glasses

#analoceitmus #logan sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #royality #qpr!royality #roman sanders #patton sanders #my fics #fanfics #tsshipmonth2020 #soulmate september #this one just went wild #i dunno what to tell you #reads a little more like analogical and demus if i think about it #but whatever it was fun

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mysteryvoidscientist · 5 years ago

Text

MLQC x The Arcana Game (Asra)---------Continuation-

⚠Possible Spoilers⚠

Lucien

MC: Now to our venerable scientist and professor, Lucien! Professor please hop on stage!

Unfazed by what happened to the others before him, he nodded with his usual calming smile and sat in front of Asra. There was a round of applause but the audience was more curious to see a Science vs Occult scene. Eyes fixed on both of them, they sometimes darted towards the table as the fortune teller was shuffling his cards per usual.

Asra: It's an honour to have you, professor Lucien.

Lucien: The honour is mine. I look forward to what the cards will tell us.

Asra: Hahaha that's the spirit!

Everyone was dumbfounded. They didn't expect for them to be all friendly, and there was no electricity in the air whatsoever.

MC: Professor Lucien, what do you think of occultism, if you don't mind me asking? The audience is curious about your thoughts on the matter and is questioning your purpose in coming here to get a reading.

The neuroscientist chuckled then observed the cards being put on the table in a row.

Lucien: The famous scientists of history are often thought of as strict ideologues with personalities as empirical as their scientific methods, and there are plenty of those, indeed. But there were also a number of brilliant minds with major contributions to humanity whose beliefs in paranormal and metaphysical sciences will go down in the annals of occult history. After all, the occult sciences are based on physics, astrology, alchemy and natural magic. Isaac Newton, Jack Parsons, The Curie couple, Nikola Tesla and many more are important figures of science history, yet they believed in the occult sciences. Oh my, have I turned your show into a lecture again?

Lucien chuckled as did MC and the audience, who were equally amazed by what he said.

MC: So you believe in it?

Lucien: I would rather say that I try to observe it from another angle and experiment with it. I am curious to learn the psychological effect it has.

Asra: Are you ready then?

Lucien: Yes, of course.

Asra did the same to Lucien what he did to the previous three, as the scent of pure myrrh enveloped Lucien's senses.

"Trust your instincts..." Giving her the advice he could not follow himself was neither a wrong move nor a right one. Maybe it was a greater force which made him spit it out as a warning. If he was following his instincts, he would have never left her, never let her go, never hurt her. He would have admitted his feelings to himself then to her, he would have protected her like any good friend, or perhaps lover. He could have been the artist for all he cared, her safety was his major mission... The only instinctive thing he could remember was giving her his dear Iridescent, and perhaps it was a mistake too, for the pen is mightier than the sword, but her might made his Iridescent equal to the sword, stained with blood as she was bringing it to her neck as a threat. Once she was the purest being in his eyes, full of colour among a monochrome world. But the more they spent time together, the more he stained her with parts of himself. He was disgusted by his behavior... he wanted her colors to remain pure, yet he dared impose his monochromatic self to her... he had to leave. Leave her and Iridescent behind. Protect her from the shadows and behind the scene, away from her. He didn't care if he was part of her life anymore, as long as she was safe and full of color.

"The goodness of water is that it benefits the ten thousand creatures; yet itself does not scramble, but is content with the places that all men disdain." The selflessness and willingness to be indiscriminately useful to her was overwhelming. He had to protect her from afar, be there whenever she was in danger. Yet, he didn't expect anything from her in return... perhaps he once was selfish enough to want her love, but times have changed and changed everyone with their flow.

"Which of you can assume such murkiness, to become in the end still and clear." Perhaps it was his first intention, but as the times slowed down, he was now willing to remain murky as long as it took to keep her from danger and from hurting herself again.

His mind was now vizualizing water which shone like a molten mirror. It had lost its turquoise to the night but in the moonlight the ripples twisted, as if the sea below them was shivering to loose the summer rays. Yet to his feet the warmth was still there, cocooned in the sub-aqua currents. It was all the invitation he needed to dive in, swim deeply into the welcoming blackness and leave his troubles bobbing on the boat above. How he wished she were to come with him... but she was still on the boat. So he decided to stay there and assist her instead. He was not selfish enough to wish for a future with her... but at least he would allow himself to hope that they will grow together, hand in hand, an old couple sitting underneath a camphor tree...

Lucien was sweating and breathing heavily, eyebrows knitted and furrowed. The audience gasped as they saw his hands grabbing three cards, fists grasping them so tight that they could have filled his palms with paper cuts. Asra clicked his fingers, and immediately Lucien returned to his senses, eyes wide, panting as if just rescued from drowning deeply in the ocean.

Asra: Are you... are you okay?

His case was worse than the three previous contestants who were watching eagerly and silently. Shaw was surprised, but careless about the whole thing.

Lucien: I... am. I'm fine... I felt water flowing downhill. I felt it drown me...

Asra: ...

Asra: Water, in flowing downhill, adapts to the turns and twists and declivities it encounters, often taking odd paths or being momentarily interrupted, but always proceeding forward. Perhaps your cards will reveal the reason why.

Lucien apologized for holding the cards so tight which made the magician chuckle.

Asra: Blame your fate. It's fine.

The professor chuckled in return, seemingly appreciating the magician. Asra revealed the first card as he flipped it, then closed his eyes to hear the honeyed words of his own archetype, the Magician. He flipped the next card and heard the threatening Death with oddly encouraging words. The third card was also upright, an understanding Judgement, righteous and wise.

Asra: The Magician makes real that which is unreal, manifesting desires from nothingless. He tells me that it's time to take action before all comes to naught. He told you, "Stay focused, you have a job to do".

Lucien: ...

Lucien: Indeed he is right. But why three cards at once?

Asra: Ah well... it depends on the hardships one faces, the mentality and complexes one has. Perhaps your life is more dynamic than it seems.

Lucien: I see...

The audience was silent like a graveyard, listening intently to the fortune teller.

Asra: Death reaps that which has run its course, allowing new life to grow in the space left behind.

Lucien: Death...

MC: ...

MC brought her hand to her mouth unconsciously, her heart feeling weird at the mention of Death. Lucien's eyes were gloomier and knew that Death was a very probable fate for his kind, but all the present people were mistaking its meaning.

Asra: Death symbolizes change. In the arcana, it doesn't hold its literal meaning. Don't fret.

Lucien chuckled and MC let out an unconscious sigh as her hand gripped her chest, which made him widen his eyes in emotion, momentarily so. Was she relieved it wasn't the case? Did that sigh mean that she still cared about him? That he still had a place in her heart?

Asra: Death passed on this message to me. "Do not fear change. All things must come to an end. Beauty lies in the transition after all".

Lucien: Change... what kind of change?

Asra: A change of heart and opinion perhaps.

Lucien: ...

Asra grabbed the final card and placed it in front of Lucien.

Asra: Judgement looks within for absolution, shedding time, worn insecurities and doubts. Judgement is perhaps answering Death and yourself for your question by telling you. "You should forgive yourself of past mistakes, heal your wounds and start anew. To want change is not selfish. It is your right".

Lucien's dark eyes opened wide and stared at the card, his heart beating fast. Was it a psychological trick? How could he possibly know anything? He admitted to himself that Asra was truly a clever man, or perhaps quite experienced for someone as young as he was. It made him chuckle before looking straight at the fortune teller and shaking his hands.

Lucien: It has been a pleasure, Mr Asra. I thank your cards for their advices. Would you perhaps join me for a cup of white tea someday? I would like to hear your opinion on certain subjects.

Asra: The pleasure is mine! Of course I'd love to. I'm honoured a professor like yourself would even think of discussing things with me! I'll bring my special pumpkin bread then.

They both smiled to each other honestly, which made the audience clap and whistle, except the participants and MC who were both shocked and dumbfounded, their heads repeating whats and hows.

-To Be Continued-

#mlqc #lucien #MC #Asra #TheArcana

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