#loved my school i just cant function in that environment

[time-woods]

I'm impressed with how quickly you post such amazing and detailed pieces! May I ask how do you manage to do that along with school work? I'd like to take notes 📝

thank you ! but- i dont go to school any more, , school wasn't the best for me, autism be damned this boy cant do school. Im planning on getting a GED though !

[drdemonprince]

doctor demon prince im in my 5th year of undergrad suffering from functional freeze and Cant Write Papers disease (subtype where i eventually write it 7 months later and its really good for how rushed it is). ive also been doing unmasking work and trying to make progress w my nervous system and my relationships, i still have a long way to go . im going to graduate eventually (who fucking knows when) but with a pretty shit gpa.

Anyway my question is why the fuck do i keep wanting to get a masters degree when i know this setting sucks real bad for me. i love 2 learn but either dont have a handle on my adhd/autistic workflow yet or simply dont have the combination of traits it takes to succeed in academia. and i have student loans. i probably wont be accepted to any masters programs anyway but i dont know what else to do !!!!!!!!!!! 🙃 seeing as this is the transgender autistic grad student website maybe u or some of ur followers have advice for me..... 🫶 ok thank u byeee

I'm sorry to have to say this, but why do you want to go to graduate school? It will drive you deeply into debt, cause you a huge amount of stress, subject you to a wildly inaccessible environment where student neurodivergences are often unfairly cast as signs of laziness and lack of academic potential, and, in a majority of fields, it doesn't lead to improved career prospects (typically, the equivalent amount of time spent working in your chosen profession will get you just as far, if not farther, than a graduate degree).

I don't recommend graduate school to almost anyone. Graduate school was a stigmatizing, exhausting, abusive, exploitative, traumatizing experience for me that left me profoundly socially isolated and physically sick, and trained me in an increasingly irrelevant and scientifically unsound field that basically does nothing but regurgitate neoliberal truisms back to the elites that already believe in them.

Some of the faults I've just listed don't apply to *every* academic field in the world -- but it does apply to most of them!

I think it's important for people to know that Master's degree programs are, by and large, created as a revenue source for universities. Undergraduate enrollment has hit a wall -- there's only so many more people who can go to college, in a world where college has become increasingly obligatory, college pays off professionally far less than it used to, and in times of low unemployment there's very little reason to go to school -- and so the possibility of growing undergraduate enrollment has become more and more thin. This means universities have been unable to turn growing profits for years. And that's what matters to them -- profits.

Left without the revenue source of more college students' tuitions, universities have turned toward courting repeat customers -- duping college graduates who are unhappy with their post-graduate career prospects by investing in even more school. In most Master's degree programs, there are very high fees, very limited financial aid, and very very limited mentorship (compared to, say PhD programs, where shepherding you through the program is at least an advisor's duty).

I've worked in higher ed administration for years now and I've seen how disposable Master's degree students are taken to be -- they're paying for a pricey credential and they get very little out of it, in the end -- in most programs, and most contexts. When we need to fill a budget gap, we create a new Master's program -- without regard for whether it is necessary, and without ever being able to prove it will aid our graduates in getting jobs, or even that the degree will fill a necessary niche.

You can feel free to write back to me if yours is a field where a master's degree is necessary or yields positive career outcomes for a great many people (social work and athletic training come to mind). But even still, I don't think you should subject yourself to a completely inaccessible environment that you are already struggling in and taking on more debt to do so. You deserve better than that. And 99% of graduate programs will not do right by you.

If you'd like to read more about just how exploitative graduate programs generally are, and why, I recommend Karen Kelsky's book The Professor is In, or her blog of the same name:

[indigo-flowers09]

how did the wild robot go

OH MY GOD

i came in expecting “robot fox and bird found family in a forest” and i GOT “robot fox and bird found family in a forest” but SO MUCH BETTER????

all the spoilers every spoiler

yknow stories that are like “how am i supposed to live after that?” like Undertale Yellow or Brokeback mountain? yeah this is the opposite of that. and that’s exactly what i needed after being hyperfixating on uty for months.

some random thoughts i have are:

HRNRTHHFHFJFJGHTH. AUGH. WHAT DO I EVEN SAY…

i was crying since before the middle of the movie. and i didn’t sob at the ending. it was so good, the strong hard parts made me really cry but it kept getting hopeful again. i just.

I felt so seen by so much of that movie. I’m autistic, raised in a quite dysfunctional family and always depending on escaping with fantasy like undertale and fnaf, so i never had any real friends until 6th grade. Watching Brightbill (a runt) being raised by Roz and Fink (two already outcast members of the island with no friends) all because of their own flaws and accidents made me feel so… real. seen. I’ve never felt so represented. a dysfunctional, loving family, built on mistakes and trying to fit in and fulfill their purpose. trying to find the people they belong with.

Similarly but not exactly the same, the found family aspect. Again, as functional as they can be for a runt goose, a manipulative fox and a hunk of metal. but they were all stuck in a place where they can only try their best and take care of each other. that’s literally me and my friends bro. it’s like finding someone so different that you completely click with after a while. you get to watch everyone change and grow with each other.

one of my favorites things was the titular Wild Robot, Roz. GODDDD WHERE DO I START….

Roz showed up somewhere new, not knowing how anything worked, and just followed how she was programmed. She was feared, hated for just doing what she knew. Eventually she sat and waited and watched and learned what she could. When she woke back up, everyone still hated her. She did her best, she could now communicate, but it led her into a bad spot in which she did what she always knew and ended up, with a little help from others in a similar spot, finding those who loved her. In the end, learning how to connect and helping them do what they needed to led her to connecting with others, and being accepted for being kind by those who were not.

now replace Roz with Indigo and read that again, maybe don’t read it as literally but like. THAT WAS JUST MY ENTIRE MIDDLE SCHOOL EXPERIENCE???? HELLO????

Roz is literally me… autism…….

one last thing because GOD THIS MOVIE IS SO FANTASTIC THERES SO MANY THINGS I CANT EVEN THINK OF EVERYTHING I LOVE ABOUT THIS MOVIEEEEE

the art and music. dear god. this movie is so fucking good at being a movie. the art, environment, composition, EVERYTHING IN THIS MOVIE IS ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. it’s stunning, every single shot i just wanted to dig my teeth into, it’s such a beautiful movie.

the framing and pacing and music and colors and emotion throughout the entire movie is just phenomenal. everything is just so fucking good.

i wish i could say more but i’d need to rewatch it. i just can’t think about it right now i need to let it soak into my autism sponge brain. expect Axis, Guardener and Roz drawings tonight.

[corvidcall]

omg same about the divorce thing though. my parents were TERRIBLE together and when my dad left it took small-child-me a few days to even ask about where he'd gone. ive always looked at divorce kind of positively bc of that but in high school i met this kid who was Adamantly Against It At All Costs and was just "???"

also with anon honesty, in my early teens it used to squick me out a little when i found out someone's parents were still together. it just made me wonder what kind of negative home environment their parents were putting them through lmao (ive long since grown past that prejudice tho)

my parents were NEVERRRR going to work out as a couple. i genuinely love them both a lot, but like... their respective neuroses made it impossible for them to be a functional couple. my dad needs constant reassurance and displays of love and affection and my mom felt that calling him by his first name was too intimate. this was never gonna work!!!!!

when people clutch their pearls about the divorce rate im always so baffled because like. wait you want my parents to STILL BE MARRIED???? gross! they should never have been married in the first place!

theres a stand up bit from Mike Birbiglia that i cant find and im so mad i cant find but he talks about that his parents have been married for like 40 years, and he thinks in the future, having married parents will be the new having divorced parents. like "yeah, my life's been pretty messed up... my parents are still together..."

[ankhisms]

my mom keeps being like THINK ABOUT SCHOOL THINK ABOUT SCHOOL DONT YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL and i genuinely am sitting here looking like this

[twilightmalachite]

Altered - Heaven and Hell 22

Author: Akira

Characters: Tsumugi, Rei

Translator: Mika Enstars

"I suppose I’ve become emotionally unstable after everything that’s happened to me. My mother would also cry or lose her temper without warning if things went badly, am I like that too?"

Season: Winter

Location: Yumenosaki Academy Library

⚠️ This is an import from a unproofed Twitter Livetweet!

2 years ago in the winter. Shortly after the subjugation of the Five Eccentrics that marked the end of the war…

Tsumugi: —and then everyone lived happily forever.

Happily, ever after.

… …

Rei: O~i, what’s up, Aoba-kun? You’re looking rather melancholy.[1]

Rei: Hold on, could it be that you’re crying?

Tsumugi: I-I should be the one saying "what’s up". Whats up with that grandpa-like way of speaking, Rei-kun?

Rei: Just thinking about retiring for a while, so I’m searching for a suitable character for that.

Rei: I’ve gotten real bored of this “Superstar Sakuma Rei” character.

Tsumugi: The incongruity is amazing.

Rei: Yeah. I feel surprisingly at ease with it, I like it.

Welp, I guess it’ll take some time t’ease into. I cant help but feel uncomfortable in the end, ‘specially in front of people who already know me.

Tsumugi: Mhm. Your typical tone of voice suits you better, Rei-kun.

When you use such a grandfatherly tone like that, it’s like I’ve suddenly become a stranger, and I feel uneasy.

Rei: Hmm~. It sounds like you’re sayin’ that from the bottom of your heart.

What’s goin’ on with you, Tsumugi? You’ve become quite the emotional person, havent’cha? Even now, it looked like you were cryin’ from gettin’ emotionally involved in that book!

Tsumugi: Yeah… I’m a little surprised, myself.

These days, I’ve been really enjoying reading.

Rei: Oh?

Tsumugi: I’ve been very captivated by books that before I’d simply skim through. I feel thrilled by the adventurous tales within, feel heartbroken by the tragic loves, and cry.

I wonder why. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden I’ve been like this.

I suppose I’ve become emotionally unstable after everything that’s happened to me. My mother would also cry or lose her temper without warning if things went badly, am I like that too?

Rei: Nahh. You, emotionally unstable?

That ain’t it. You’re just finally startin’ to experience those emotions.

Tsumugi: … …

Rei: Typically, humanity is learned naturally through contact with your parents and friends when you’re a child.

You’ve finally got yours after a miserable war.

Babies learn the concept of “laughing” when their parents laugh at them.

You were never able to have that opportunity, though. Your family ain’t a functioning family.

Yet, despite such an environment, you’ve been playin’ the role of the big brother at a training school since you were young, and had to be always takin’ care of lil’ kids.

Ya don’t need emotion in that work. As long as you fulfill your function, that’s all that matters.

So ya continued to operate solely as a convenient machine, while you, who should’ve been at the back of it all, were ignored.

But, at Yumenosaki, even someone like you has to expose yourself.

Inspired by those who truly live, you’ve been forced to pull yourself out.

During the war, you’ve had many upon many heart-to-heart clashes with others. You cried, laughed, and got angry together with everyone…

Those emotions sprouted, grew steadily, and took root inside of you.

Now you’re able to laugh and cry, and empathize with the tragedies and comedies in stories that never resonated with you before.

Since it’s somethin’ you experienced before, somethin’ you felt before, you can understand it from experience.

The reason we are moved by a story is because we can connect it to our own experiences.

And you’ve had quite a lot of those “experiences” through just the short duration of the war.

That’s why these stories are able to move ya.

That’s all there is to it, Tsumugi.

You were finally born as a human being, after becomin’ a highschool student.

…Congratulations on your birth, my friend.

Tsumugi: ? It’s not my birthday today, though~?

Rei: Hahah, guess you’re not quite there yet. Take your time growin’ up, lil’ baby.

Tsumugi: Hah… Anyways, Rei-kun, do you have something to do with me? Or, did you just happen to be passing by?

Rei: Right, I’m jus’ here to check up on the school.

There’s been a strange rumor goin’ around lately. That the Five Eccentrics are gatherin’ and are plannin’ to strike back at the student council.

Tsumugi: Ah, there is a rumor like that, yeah.

Something about… the Five Eccentrics forming a unit, so they can challenge and defeat the fine that had subjugated them.

But… You’re clever, so I’m sure you already know this, Rei-kun, but it’s just a baseless fabrication put out there by the student council.

Rei: I figured it would be somethin’ like that but… Hm~, is that true?

Glad to hear. There was the possibility of Natsume seriously considerin’ a plot of revenge. So I came all the way over here, just in case.

Seems I was worryin’ for nothin’. Good, that’s a relief.

Tsumugi: Natsume-kun does seem to be in a bit of a dangerous spot. I can’t help but worry about him.

We had a bonfire together the other day, and he was looking like he had reached his limit. I tried to tell him this and that for the time being, but…

After hurting him, I feel anything I say will only add fuel to his fire.

Rei: The fact he feels bothered by your words I’m sure just means that he feels your presence has weight to him.

If it were anyone else sayin’ it, he would ignore it.

Tsumugi: Is that so… I wonder if my existence is still at least a bit significant in his mind, then.

If so, it’s a terrible thing to say, but, it’d make me kinda happy.

Because I like him. I really do.

Rei: You seem to really like him, despite the fact he keeps hittin’ and stompin’ on ya mercilessly for some reason. It’s kinda unnervin’, he your abusive boyfriend or somethin’?

If ya don’t correct those sorts of misaligned feelings, you’ll have a hard time livin’, ya know.

Tsumugi: Hmm~, I guess that’s a part of myself even I don’t know what to do about.

It’s something that’s not easy to do right away.

Rei: Welp, it’s fine to take your time growin’ up, you red-faced lil’ baby.

Tsumugi: I’m not exactly red though, if anything, I’m blue~?[2]

Rei: Ahaha, that misalignment of your personality there is exactly what makes ya so both so interestin’ and so irritatin’!

← prev | story directory | next →

Rei’s speaking in the “grandfather”-esque fashion that we’re used to in this and the following line here. He drops it after that.

A difficult one to translate smoothly here; the word for baby is “akachan” (赤ちゃん), the “aka” meaning “red”. It’s derived from how red appears. Tsumugi jokes that he’s more of an “aochan” (青ちゃん) here. He just swapped “red” out with “blue”. It’s the same ao as in aoba, or aotori (bluebird).

[system-of-a-feather]

Also just another day where I see people saying "DID doesnt work like that! You cant have that communication with parts that is FAKING or [insert arm chair diagnosis]" and like, since we moved in with our fiance and out of both school environment and our parents, we usually have 2-3 parts up here like half the time and at times have just had like 5-8 parts at once in actual stable not-brain-hurty co-con / co-front as well as pretty open fluid switching and fronting between almost all of our "main fronters" especially when out of the house or in the car.

Like uh huh.

(tw brief trafficking mention)

We - at the very least - are a system that experienced some level programming, CSA, since-birth physical abuse, and literally didn't have a single not shit person regularly in our life until we were like 19 thus resulting in our polyfragmented DID that we've seen and been diagnosed by a professional who literally worked with a sector of the FBI that worked with human trafficking as one of their main therapists - must definitely be miss diagnosed and/or faking because we *checks notes* went through extensive therapy with a really skilled and experienced dedicated specialist of a professional for 5 years and 3+ years with a really skilled not-dedicated specialist and actually are *checks notes* recovering?

*checks notes* Yeah apparently signs of healing and recovery means we are misdiagnosed or faking got it.

Interesting take but ok lol

Really gotta love how the same people who say that shit are the ones that are always touting about how people are "anti-recovery" or whatever for posting not completely chronically negative content and actually having a relationship with their parts and THEN go to be like "final fusion and functional multiplicity are great" like.... like dude, you can't be saying that having lowered dissociative barriers and communication issues is "fake and signs of a misdiagnosis" and then say that its healing

Pick one my dude 😂

It's my favorite thing to clown on cause ok sure I guess we've been misdiagnosed three times and are certainly faking cause we *check notes* are actually healing.

Like I know where it comes from, but how about yall focus on your healing and recovery that is probably making you so miserable that you cant stand to see people being okay with their life and the same disorder rather than you know, judging how people have learned to be happy.

Just a ya know thought.

Or TLDR: Cope.

-XIV

(BTW nothing came up to trigger this, I just have an attitude driven love for complaining and bitch about things and its a hobby that I moderate but really felt like bitching about this common thing casue its just really that fucking funny to me. I'm not at all "actually mad" I just, do this.)

[issuedsideways]

might fuck around and make a list of tony’s alters*!! right now. why not. its hard to differentiate but i could take some stabs in the dark. ok this got long so its under a cut.

mark aside (because ive said enough about him), there’s at least the two who look young, no surprise. there’s probably at least one more young one (younger, with more focus on home/family/howard trauma) but he wouldn’t be relevant to this whole... plot, anyway. but we do see one who looks to be in boarding school, so under 15, and a slightly older one who still looks ~young, i want to say 17-20ish?? and he’s very “look how fine and okay we are! our life is awesome!” but is literally in a racing suit as if fast cars aren’t somewhere he gravitates mid breakdown. i love that for him. very in character. 

there’s also uhh. cave!tony, actively bandaged. he absolutely never left the cave, and wont. theres no... yknow. there’s no adjusting to that that’s a clean split kind of thing. i dont know how long 616 was in the cave but i’m assuming also a couple of months?? like mcu?? more than long enough to end up with a permanent split who can’t really... i mean we all know he didn’t like. get therapy. he cant reintegrate. he’s probably either the old host who “died” in the cave, or he split in that environment, but either way, he doesn’t make it out. 

there’s at least two iron man splits, the sort of... early grey one and the red&gold one are shown, and i dont know enough about early comics canon to make a guess at why they’re distinct, exactly, but i’m guessing some sort of near-death-or-actual-death event that puts a nice clean line in between them. or a team change, could be less dramatic than that? unless the grey one’s JUST the mark I, in which case nvm because the difference then is obvious. escape vs be a hero, you’d need two. notably theres not a super modern iron man split shown, i’m assuming once he stopped doing the secret identity thing that stopped being a split type he’d need, but prior to that he’d need an active, functional iron man split at all times. and he’s got at least the two. (whether or not you want to call mark an iron man split... shrugs! he’s not quite the same tho, since his job is not to pilot the suit, necessarily.) 

there’s an actively drunk one, and he’s an important split, because he’s obviously going to hold onto a lot of the desire to drink/etc. i know tony does the “keep a bottle nearby to figure out how bad he’s doing” thing but honestly that’s also a “how close is this tony” meter, imo. he’s necessary but he’s also, generally, possible to keep away. if he’s holding onto the majority of that impulse it’d be, honestly... well i think it’d look like the way tony approaches his alcoholism actually (and the whole crown meant specifically to control, yknow, hulk, in ts:im? was also clearly aimed at this one, on tony’s end.) 

we’ve got this very coherent seeming business-y tony also, who i’d peg as “The Tony Stark” -- as in, the face, the name, the one who’s “on.” especially in the early days when the “host” tony was drinking, having a split whos job is company things, PR things, etc, that’s going to go a long way. he seems like that, but i’m stabbing in the dark. i could be missing sth obvious. 

we’ve also got the one in eScape in ts:im who doesn’t show up on the page in im2020 but because the kid shows up in both, i’m really... willing to extend this to him also. he has no reason to show up re: mark anyway but he seems coherent and specific and extremely out of time. probably an old host but cut after the alcoholism spiraled out of control? since he clearly drinks without much concern. but, fwiw, he doesn’t seem to line up totally cleanly with any “real” time period, and was actively being manipulated by motherboard, so...? i dont know. 

i’d argue there’s also The One Who Died In Civil War II but he wouldn’t show up in this whole convincing-mark thing because. well. he’s “dead.” like hes in there but he’s Deactivated, so to speak. host change. 

the new tony, post-mark, is someone distinct! new host. but a shaky one so far and i think this tracks with what i’ve read of iron man vol 6 also (which is only whats on MU), tony has no idea what he wants or what he’s doing but he’s trying a bunch of things, that are all very different from what he was doing before but also falling back on things that are familiar, like hosting big parties, even when it’s incompatible with his new goals. this would track with it being a whole host-switch since pre-CWII and post-mark tony are just... not going to be the same person, imo. 

i am on the fence a little about if ts:im tony and IM vol6 tony are the same person or not, and i was leaning towards “yes” because i feel like ts:im tony didn’t have enough time to stabilize, like, there were too many breakdown events happening in rapid succession while mark was building up in the background. but he had a relationship with jan that was going well, he was really trying with the eScape, etc, so i want to give him that distinctness, at least, and IM vol6 tony also did the thing where he changes his appearance up a bunch, which is kind of a red flag for host changes, especially... right after the year-long interruption that was mark’s whole... thing. 

i’d have to read a LOT more comics to say any more than this, because i’m sure i’m missing some obvious ones who should exist but aren’t present/relevant re: mark. but. here are some of my thoughts anyway!!!! tony& gives me life. 

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 7 “It's a Hot Mess Express “ - Scott

People are so hard to work with. I get they don't like this challenge truly I do but I just wish they wouldn't keep shutting down every idea I had. It's... annoying. I get that I'm also the problem here. Because if an entire room full of people is saying you're wrong then you're probably wrong but still. I dislike being shut down. I've just been feeling kind of isolated since my name was written down. Even in my own alliance it seems like everyone thinks less of me for being paranoid. It doesn't help that I'm not entirely pop culture savvy so a lot of their convos I'm a bit out of the loop on. Part of me wonders if it's cause I'm in a male dominated environment? I don't think they are sexist but I do think that I'm being unintentionally ignored. Like throughout the duration of this confessional I have submitted 6 ideas/comments to the group and they've either been left in the dust or dismissed. That has to mean something right? Is it my personality? Did I come on too strong with my enthusiasm? Do they think I'm bossy? Socializing doesn't exactly come naturally to me. If anyone had met me 4 years ago you'd probably be in the know. You know that ability where you can pick up what people imply, whether through body language or through hidden meanings. I don't. I literally was born with out that ability and it has done whatever the opposite of wonders are for my life. At first I thought it was fine, I thought hey no big, everything is good, people like me eventually. But then I played Malaysia... A lot of great things came out of that game, a lot of good friendships and memories but in a way it sort of haunts me. When the confessionals came out, for the first time ever I saw what people thought about me. Sure they liked me eventually but they also disliked me. Like really really didn't like me at all. It was my first real interaction with people outside of the treatment school I went to, it was my first real interaction with the rest of the world and people hated my guts. Don't get me wrong I always suspected I was disliked but... to see their actual written thoughts on paper was hard. Of course as they got to know me they started to like me but I couldn't forget that it wasn't always like that. That at one point they looked at me or their screen or whatever and saw a pest. And that's my biggest fear, that I'm the problem. That no matter where I go people see me and are filled with dread or disgust. That people are always wishing me some from of ill because I'm bad at conversation or sort of creepy. Well at least they came to their own conclusions now, maybe they pulled their heads out of their asses or because it wasn't me they were actually able to function. God this spiraled, I only wanted to complain about how shitty my tribe was being not go on this full blown existential rant. Fuck me am I right? I'm not sure what this is going to contribute to the game. There is no hashtag big moves or fun comments but like I already typed this up so I'm not going to delete it like a pussy. 

Ok now we can talk whew. UMMMM not Connor fucking up Duncan's perfect record! Now that I'm over the shock, thank you Connor because I'm 95% sure that obsession is the reason Duncan did the most to make sure Devon voted me instead of him back on Thoth https://giphy.com/gifs/mamovie-stalking-octavia-spencer-eavesdropping-j5uEVYERR0ncYlJ36e Really pleased with how the game is shaping up tbh, assuming I don't lose another music video challenge hahaha. I would LOVE a final 3 with me, Ali, and Devon but I know that's a long way off so I'm just focusing on the here and now. My biggest concern is protecting Ali. Essentially Duncan hit me up to work with him, TJ, and Jordan and I was very much like lol not sure about that. Mainly because Jordan and I don't have a strong relationship? And Duncan was like yeah but he wants to get to know you better and I'm like https://giphy.com/gifs/week-wtf-moments-QjIz1AqkGTszK If that's the case, that needs to come from Jordan and then it's between me and Jordan. Why someone else is interceding on Jordan's behalf is very dicey to me but I'm not that surprised because that continues to be a theme with Duncan: getting me to fit into plans that best suit him. Y'all know DAMN well Jordan Pines don't wanna go to the end with me and the feeling is mutual. But I HAVE to make it work with Jordan or Duncan will get pissy. He literally was like ok well who are you close with and I felt a serious feeling in my gut to not mention Ali. So I said oh I talk to Adam a lot but I wouldn't say I trust Adam. So after telling Ali all of this lmao, we decided I needed to go back to Duncan and say yes because it would keep me in the know and keep both of us safe. Also it allows me to keep an eye on Jordan and Duncan at the same time so we truly stan. And the gag is I'm not scared of Jordan Pines and I welcome the challenge of getting him out so love yall for letting me in through the front door hahaha My new issue is just timing. We'll be ok if we win this next challenge but if not, I could see that alliance targeting Ali. Obviously I have a plan and will put the vote on someone else but I really want to prolong turning on that group for as long as I can. I don't wanna spook TJ and I know killing Jordan will leave me with a pissed Duncan and I really don't need that based on how seriously he's playing. So I'm hoping I can finesse somehow? Maybe one of them gets idoled out at merge and then a blindside on the other won't be as messy. But yeah I keep feeling like the walls are closing in, in terms of allies, and I'm working HARD to make sure I have an exit strategy at all times haha cause fuck these men I'm trying to win again. I "love everyone" which means I have no problem voting out anyone

So let me just make sure i got this right, connor tried to get people to vote for me, they all told me, he "planned" with me to go for liam, then....he votes for duncan and he goes home unanimously? little did he realize when he went around and gave a feeble attempt at rallying people to vote for me, i had already rallied everyone to go for him and made sure everyone knew he was a liar and couldnt be trusted, you know im a firm believer in loose lips sink ships and i absolutely used my big mouth as my weapon to sink his ship. Even if there turns out to be some majority alliance that did this all without me then well...i guess that's another story but im still taking my hard earned credit because either way i got what i wanted one way or another so im here for it, sorry gal! i now find myself in a position i hope i can make some moves with, duncan already just made a vague to comment to me about how "it only takes 4 now" which he's right, and he mentioned autumn, himself, me, and ali. Which, that's a 4 I would love to go forward with for the time being, i like to think ive had good genuine talks with them 3 in particular, and now we can start get together maybe lock something in and if we make it to a merge or even another swap we at least have something to work with with each other, but we'll see, we gotta focus on immunity first now, id love to win just to for sure see any of the other people who lied to me go home oop so while i may be feeling ok now i just have to remember to simmer down and play smart and make the right connections with the right people i need and saying the right things to whomever needs to hear it, because that's what i do best in these type of games to stay alive, i feel like my intuition has been leading me ok so far this game so im just gonna keep basing my decisions off that and charging forward PERIOD and ill damn sure do it with or without the help of the tomb because a bitch can not get in ive tried over and OVER at this point im back to pounding on the door of it just hoping if im annoying enough yall will let me in!

i'll do a proper game confessional later but me and dan are both judges for the svalbard music video challenge and its so sad that we cant talk... its like... this could be us working on a music video if things were different kjlsdfa its missing dan and jake hours

Whew! Sorry about that what happened was I ran out of anxiety meds a few days and that rant was the commutation of being with out sanity pills for three days! Everything is fine! I am fine! People are fine! I am sorry to the future Thoth 2.0 tribe, you are all great, I just get very spirally when I am without some sort of stabilizing force! Sorry to the hosts for using this as a diary this is not a diary this is survivor... Anyway this time I have some more constructive things to add! Okay so things are fine. Dan and I continue to bond, though he had to call me out on being bad at communication in order for our relationship to progress. I get it was like a check point or whatever and frankly I appreciated it. Like I said in my rant yesterday I have massive paranoia when comes to interacting with people and whether they like me or not, so constructive feedback while annoying is always helpful. Plus through research I found that he values a good social game so the fact that he's reaching out and telling me what I'm doing wrong is probably a sign that I'm not a lost cause :D. It turns out we have a few mutual friends our lord and savior John Coffey and also Sarah,... Lynn to be specific there are like a shit ton of Sara(h)s so should probably clarify lol. I want to work with him. I know he's in the majority alliance with the brawn tribe, which also contains Jakey and Jordan. Considering the fact that the beauties are slowly but surely getting eliminated, their favor would be helpful to me and mine. However, I know for sure that one of them wrote my name down. Honestly probably both of them. I know I keep harping on this fact but I just really really don't like the idea of looking like an idiot by aligning with someone who wanted me dead or wanted to fuck with me. If we do lose this challenge we are going to have to figure out who to keep or who to eliminate, I feel like it should be between those two. Mostly because I'm not exactly comfortable with a brawn majority. Like I know how people are saying tribe lines don't matter and while they don't, advantages do. And what more advantageous than being in a majority alliance? If we get rid of a brawn that would make it 4 brains- 4 beauty - 5 brawn. Which seems a bit more fair lol. Also RIP Connor remember how I said he was a threat? Welp I guess this is why they don't ask me for cast assessments :/ and also cause I was dead for like several years.

absolutely nothing has happened in fact i was kinda in a ~mood~ today so i feel like my social game took a big L because i didnt feel like talking to anyone and i was busy so i kept being that bitch to responding once an hour ..... but in other news i finally accessed the tomb, and once i started using more than one brain cell at a time i was able to get in and it was actually about 10x easier than i was making it out to be im not sure WHY i was struggling so much but of course, to no surprise i finally get in and the pedestal is empty AGAIN. Now there's not only at least 1 idol from the last time i went in the tomb gone, but there's possibly a second too, if not an advantage that can easily be played against me. At this point all i can do is try and recover a little bit, tomorrow ill have to just try more with my conversations and hopefully one of the people i can somewhat trust is the person who has whatever was in their time time around but probably not, it's never that easy

okay so i have a video confessional from earlier uploading which is kind of a recap of the last two rounds BUTTT!! liam just finished editing our video and i love it!! he did so good and our tribe all tried our best... im just hoping the other tribe didn't go bananas all out, because if they didn't we should hopefully win... i really wanna win immunity because otherwise i feel like adam is gonna be the vote and i dont want that anymore KJASDFA. i would just be sad because idk who the alternative would even be.... so basically we better win immunity KJLSADFA

Me: Alright everyone, make sure you film horizontally!!! Devon: Fuck you

Honestly!!! I take back what i said about Kendall. I feel like we’re making some strides to work together??? Or she’s playing me? I’m hoping to stir a Devon vote this round because I think he threw the vote on Kendall to piss me off, but who knows. I wanna talk to Jakey and see what he thinks about a me/him/augusto/Amir alliance to get through this vote? Idk I trust him but who knows!!!! Maybe everyone is lying to me??? 

okay... i know i said god is a woman and her name is autumn but its time for the remix. god is a woman and her name is alyssa's mum because alyssa's mum just rescued us from defeat in that challenge JKASDF the judges were kinda unnecessarily harsh but we move on. basically for the other tribe's tribal, i hope jake/dan/devon live... hopefully another scary old school person goes but tbh who knows what is going to happen?! im just so happy to have made f13, i said i'd come 14th in my intro so we love surpassing my own expectations

the immunity challenge went well, we won, which is good because i just didnt feel like going to tribal council because im honestly unsure what the hell is going on, i wanted to feel good about the connor vote because obviously that was my plan from the start however he just made it a little too easy by not talking to a lot of people allegedly, up until right before the vote, i dont think there'd be an easy vote next time we go to tribal, unless ... it's me... am i the easy vote?? i wanna really think im not but its just always too quiet to me when we dont go to tribal there's also lots of talk and speculation about a possible merge at 13, but me and my vivid imagination aka paranoia think maybe another swap of some sort could still happen even if for just another round or 2, i never knew with you sneaky hosts!! also i know we won in the challenge but we wouldve won in the challenge by even more if liam used more footage of my video i sent in i feel like i got no screentime!!! but of course i kept my big mouth shut for once because there's no i in team so ill try not to throw too much of a diva fit but listen... i tried to give yall a DEATH DROP, and i pulled a wig ruveal by snatching off my hat, and i was giving you a whole tik tok dance i made myself..... but there was no way i was doing more than beyonce's part so he didnt have much to work with so touche .... the full version i made will just be deleted scenes for myself ill reflect on when im more mature and think to myself "what the fuck was i doing?" 

So not to my surprise, we end up losing the challenge AGAIN!! I've just accepted that I really don't have any luck in this game. I was really hoping that we'd just win every challenge until the merge because I'm over going to tribal and voting people out. I feel like going to the amount of tribal councils that I have has left a huge target on my back. But at the same time, I'm playing the game more than other are. Maybe I have that going for me, who knows. Anyways, the Thots alliance is deciding on either Devon or Dan for this vote. I basically told them I was good with either, even though I would perfer to keep Devon so that I at least have more of an opportunity to rebuild our relationship. I've made it very clear that if the group as a whole wanted to do Devon that I'd write his name down to prove that I trust this group moving forward. So we decide to go with Dan for this vote, and this doesn't really sit well with Jakey. I'm not surprised by that, since I know he's wanted Kendall out for awhile now. But he is really adamant that he doesn't want Dan to go. Which I get, he thinks that Dan would trust him moving forward. When it comes to Dan though, his social game lacks so much that it's like "I don't even know if I can trust him moving forward". And I think the fact that Jakey more so wants to target Kendall this round instead of Dan is a strong sign for me. I'm pretty positive he has an idol since the brain one has been found and he's lied to me about clues before. So this has me thinking, maybe it's a good time to get Jakey out this round? Thinking about it numbers wise for the future, we don't really need Jakey's vote for a majority this round since the four beauties and myself makes 4, and if we bring in Devon that's 5. Plus, I don't even think that Jakey's under the impression that he would... get voted out this round. He seems offly confident that he's staying, just that Dan's going. But I like to think he'd let Dan be a sinking ship and go.. Idk I'm gonna try to pitch this to Amir and see what he thinks. I kind of tried to hint around it to Augusto that Jakey wasn't cool with it, but Augusto kind of turned a blind eye at that. And I don't trust Kendall with my thoughts since she's very blunt... so I wouldn't be surprised if she leaked my plans. Similarly to what Devon did when I voted him out last week. I'm hoping that Amir will see where I'm coming from and that he might be open to that concept. For all I know, I could be voted out this round. And honestly, that'd be the smart move for them to make because my perception in the game so far has been pretty spot on. I think my self awareness this time around has been an asset for me, so I'm hoping that I can get by this vote and hopefully enter the merge soon. 

Coming back into the game, I knew I needed to open up a bit and start to Slither earlier than I would imagine. After throwing a vote onto Kendall, I broke down any chance between the Beauty and Brawn working together to knock out myself and Scott. I haven't told anyone about my vote, and don't plan to. Going into this vote, Dan should be the obvious choice. OG Brawn hasn't suffered any additional losses in numbers, and I'm just too close with Augusto/Amir/Kendall to consider flipping. In preparation of tonight NOT being a swap, I established an alliance with Amir and Augusto. They are a duo in every sense, but attaching myself to them sets up the opportunity to at least CONSIDER voting out Scott next round. It would have to be between him and Scott. 

All I got to say is oof… I genuinely thought I was on vacation after the last round like I’ve been SO bad about talking to people or at least that’s how I felt cause I was operating at 60% instead of the 110% I do when I socialize. That being said, I have my goals that I want to stick to and see happen. Dan needs to leave this tribal so I can get Jakey out next even if Dan leaving makes me really sad. Dan leaving takes a number away from the Brawn and a number away from Jakey, who I am able to get out by keeping Devon and having him/Kendall/myself/Amir vote for him if we happen to lose again. The alliance of me/Kendall/Amir/Jakey/Scott went on call last night and it was deadass an hour and a half long call where everyone was like “idk who should go but I’m fine with whatever” although… that certainly wasn’t the case. I, personally, made points that were pro-Devon such as Devon not having any clear allies to reunite with at merge and things like that and EVENTUALLY at the last 5 minutes of the call, we decided that Dan leaving is the better option. Scott and I even discussed a Brawn having to go before we even did the call so yeah. One thing I could tell though? Jakey was not having it. I understand his frustration but you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I voted out AJ to prove that I am not here to play by tribal lines and you said you would do the same but here we are… Amir called me last night telling me about how Jakey was trying to strong arm him into voting Devon out because Jakey didn’t want to do Dan… like sir, I’m? I’m very happy that Amir came to me and confided in me to kinda spill out his emotions like that makes me <3 but it also made me wanna pop off at Jakey because I don’t like those approaches in games hgfjdks even if I do really like Jakey, I was just ugh gjfdks. That aside, I feel like I am doing good about getting information and building friendships out here like I’m DEADASS is almost every single alliance on the tribes I’ve been a part of and while I don’t get tons of info from direct sources (ie. Jakey), I get the information from close allies (ie. Amir) which in a way can be even better? That being said, I’ve been way too good at forming friendships that every vote makes me feel really bad? With Dan for example, I adore that man like even if he isn’t the most talkative he’s just amazing. But does Dan benefit my game as much as Devon? Not really, even if Dan wanted to align. I’m sticking to my promise of doing what I have to do and be a little bit more cutthroat than I usually am because I do genuinely want to win this game and I’ll do what it takes to get there. Honestly, I’d be SHOOK if we do not merge next round or the round after ghfjdksm but I’m just trying to plan ahead and look at my connections. My Thoth connections are Amir > Kendall > Devon > Scott > Jakey whereas my Hathor connections are Autumn > Duncan > Adam (?) > TJ > Jordan > Liam M > Ali. If we do merge, making a secret thing with Autumn would be KEY just to have another person in my corner but also I need to connect with a Brawn to be good with them yknow? It’ll definitely be interesting and I can see the merge being messier than a taco bell bathroom BUT I’m hyped at the same time?

How is it already Day 16? There seems to be something seriously wrong with that. Anywho, I've let myself take a quick step back on the social game these last few days. I think I've put in the work to cement a couple strong groups here and can put myself in a good spot, but now I can avoid being the person that probably would be seen as a huge threat in the near future. Once merge hits (which I'm hoping is this next round), I'm going to have to go back to bringing that social game to a 9 (10 is where the Alyssa threat level begins), but right now I'm hopefully putting myself in a good place. In the event we don't have a merge and have one more vote on Hathor, I really think I need to make a move on Ali. I realize I keep saying this and I'm going to feel awful when he sees this all, but he is such a HUGE threat, and I can't let him skate by to where there's no room to stop him. I made that mistake last time in letting the person I knew would win get too far without me being able to stop them. Not this time. Ain't no fucking way.

This may very well be my last confessional lmao. I’m just feeling very paranoid about this vote and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone votes for me except for Jakey. Or if he even flips to the majority against me. And honestly! I’ve come to terms with it. I really tried my best in the game and I can’t be mad about how I performed in this game specifically. I understand I’m a threat in these games and if people are worried about me end game, quite frankly they should be. I know that I’ve played Tumblr Survivor one too many times and should have quit while I was ahead. I know I’ve talked about working with Kendall and killing Devon, but honestly idk who is voting where. I think I’m going to try to just go with what I think is majority (against Kendall) and just hope to god I’m not going anywhere. I hate having this defeatist attitude, but if I get voted out I’m going to have zero hard feelings and take it in stride. I guess I’m just not cut out to win tumblr survivor ❤️

Our video was so iconic, SHOUT OUT TO ALYSSA'S MOM!!! I should really be making sure im fortifying the bonds i've made but im really just happy to be on break and not have tribal. I've only been to tribal once within a 7 day time span instead of the 4 times in 7 days the brains endured before. I will say i was positively shook to get the vote from connor, but i never thought i could play a perfect game anyways lol. I'm hoping to god that dan or jakey go, i dont want the brawns over here to have other options than autumn and i come merge. Im surprised at myself because im starting to really want to stick with all these people come a merge, i suppose we'll see how it goes and how my attitude changes moving forward. 

Sooooooo I actually felt kind of bad about voting for Dan until he was throwing my name out :/ I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I'm kind of nervous now. Like Jakey told me this and he did the same thing to AJ. Also I haven't heard anything from Scott yet... that's sketchy right? Ugh I swear if I'm voted out then Alyssa's mom, I will meet you in the Denny's Parking lot for a fight. I'm not afraid to throw hands at the elderly, ask Drew. 

We love when men listen to me an in turn we win immunity! This is now the second time that's happened lmao cause I sure did make everyone commit to a time block so we didn't play ourselves in the endurance challenge and I sure did suggest Telephone as the song choice so wooooo Not a lot has happened and I don't have a lot of time to talk to begin with but I have a strong feeling we are not merging tonight lmao. Tbh I look forward to another day on Hathor it's very chill over here, all things considered. Also I need a couple chill challenges the next two rounds cause ya girl is moving, graduating, and leading an underground movement all at the same time so don't set me up with a crazy time-consuming challenge lol

I feel vindicated. Starting off in this game, I was not doing so well gameplay wise. Flash forward, I've been a big contributor physically, and socially too! I've got big plans, and I will carry this tribe again if I have to!

(may've already submitted this but i'm worried i submitted it for day 18?)

Also...

ok let me just start by saying: im in an emotionally FRAGILE state at the moment writing this right after the winners at war finale.....SPOILERS IF YOU HAVENT SEEN BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT....NATALIE AND WINCHELE ROBBED, as inspired as i am by my aries sistren natalie and think she should've won, im even more upset for my fellow beauty sister michele because lowkey? i absolutely LOVE the way michele plays, because in my own head at least i like to think i at least play slightly similar, i like to lay low and just adapt to where i see i can fit the best, anywho thats all ill say on that, back to THIS game dan being voted out last round, was kinda meh, i had the tiniest conversation with him during one world and he did end up giving me some tea about the brawns, but i couldve easily tried working with him later on against the beauties, PLUS him leaving means that none of those false beauties left, which is bad for me because i want them all gone oop and ive worked hard over here trying to make sure everyone knows they are threats even if theyre not working together, they went against me and lied to me, which means i cant trust them or work with them, which means i need to make sure no one else does either it's very nice though duncan has approached me and asked who i was comfortable with incase we did go to tribal and he said him and jordan pines were pretty close and honestly jordan is the only one ive been on a call with this whole game which is fine because anyone who knows me knows i dont care for calls much in this game and that usually hurts me so im hoping its not hurting me this time but truly, im not sure people are approaching me way more with information and plans then they ever have so im hoping thats a good sign, espcially with duncan saying he basically wanted me to be in the know with him, i think i can trust him as of now going foward and i hope the same about jordan pines, because first of all i love his energy and him as a person my fellow stoner crackhead, and second of all let's be real i definitely want to use him as a shield later on cmon the guy has a season named after him, forget denise being the queen slayer, i want to be the king tamer also in good with ali and autumn i think?? i personally enjoy my short little convos i have with them frequently so i just hope we're on the same page, but idk the little voice in the back of my head is telling me it all seems too good to be true almost like a perfect illusion and maybe duncan is tricking me trying to talk to me about "keeping this tribe strong", so i guess we'll have to wait until the next time we go to a tribal together to find out so yeah in conclusion, sorry to dan, and plot twist of the century im rooting for jakey to not be voted out the other tribe? even though im still convinced he could be making me his number 1 target especially if he gets in kahoots with kendall, but im hoping i played them against each other enough during the one world so that didnt happen 

What do ya know....another tribal council. After only being exempt from one tribal, this has become somewhat of a routine. I am extremely confident in the numbers this round. I'm under the belief that everyone will be writing down Jake's name, and Jake will likely be writing down my/Kendall's name. Still, I believe there is a worry about idols. I would hate to be idoled out by Jake after everything I have worked towards...I can't afford to throw my vote on Kendall or Scott with the merge coming up so soon, because it fractures my game going into a potential merge...Somewhat of a "all or nothing" bet tonight.

Me @ the brawns who have been on this tribe: https://media.giphy.com/media/szPZ2NXIGCMcE/giphy.gif

So a couple new developments: 1. Jordan offered me a final two which I'm sooooo excited to see how that's going to turn out. I've really connected with Jordan this game (which admittedly I didn't think would happen before this game), but he's been the person I've confided in the most out here. So I really think this is going to be the start of something amazing. 2. With this F2 deal, Jordan told me that Amir/Jakey knew each other outside of this game. This is bad for me both because Jakey is supposed to be my other guy with Jordan, but also Amir is the person I'd want to target come merge (which should be next round). I have zero connection to him, he's proven to be good at comps, he's won this game before, and he doesn't add into my plan of having numbers on every side. So now I'm in a spot where I think I'll probably have to make a move against potentially my closest / other closest ally in this game. Being safe right before the potential merge feels amazing and opens a lot of opportunities, but is extremely scary knowing who is going to merge. Hopefully come to merge, I have a chance at the merge idol to avoid anyone else having the chance at getting it, because I need some added knowledge in this game.

I am so fucking pissed at Devon. WHY ARE YOU ON THE BRAINS IF YOU HAVE NO BRAIN CELLS!!!!!!! dsfjkaafkjdaldjfjadksjads Great now I get to die!

I don't know why Jakey wants to kill me. I am not a threat. Like at all? Most of the strategies I come up with are bad and I am barely social? Sure I guess I can win like a challenge or two but not enough to be physical? I mean I'm trying to kill him but like... honestly he started it 2 rounds ago. I am a paper tiger worse I am a paper giraffe. Sure I'm tall but basically harmless and only sort of evil. At least I remember why I hated him so much. I don't hate him NOW, I'm 22 years old I have better things to do then hate some guy for trying to win a game. But I am annoyed and inconvenienced by this. Maybe a little hurt too because the only reason I can think to get voted out is because my personality sucks so much that he doesn't see a future where we can work together. Which is fair I guess? But I can't be that awful right? God this game is a constant existential crisis... Also I think people are annoyed with me for being paranoid and shit. Oh I'm sorry people who's name isn't getting written down, I'm sorry I'm not more pleasant while I'm in fear for my metaphorical life. 

It’s a MESS ITS A FUCKING MESS SCOTTIE WANTS DAN OUT DAN WANTS DEVON JAKEY WANTS DEVON DEFON WANTS DAN AUGUSTO AND KENDALL WANT JAKEY AMIR WANTS NOT JAKEY OR AUGUSTO OR KENDALL I literally don’t have number in this game and I’m going to get fucked on at the merge 

Okay so Augusto basically told him that his name was an option for this vote or the next one and Kendall told him that the brawns are bringing up his name and said that he was the throw away vote So now my gut is telling me dan did it and jakey was in on it But I don’t care, if that’s the case Everyone on this tribe wants a brawn out, EVERYONE I just have to make sure it’s not jakey Because Augusto and Kendall want jakey now and I refuse it Rn it seems they r okay doing dan It seems everyone is cool doing dan So I’m happy with that

Jakey is fucking strong arming me r u joking Ndbdjdjsns Jakey talked to scottie And got scottie to want devon So now they’re gonna try and call the alliance tmmrw and change to vote back to devon over dan And if Augusto and Kendall don’t want to Jakey wants to pull brain and brawn to vote kendall like sir I’m literally getting strong armed, and he can’t see why people want dan out I could make a move rn But should I even I probably shouldn’t If they try to get kendall I will flip it on him 

don’t know what to do I’m pleading so hard with jakey rn like hey it’s not good for me to go into merge with 6 brawn 4 beauty (dysfunctional) and 3 brain (dysfunctional) And I said I want to do dan is that okay like jakey u need to choose a side, brawns, or this tribe And he goes If u decide to do dan Then I’m gonna unite dan and Scott and Devon and vote kendall So if that’s the case, I’m sending u home theres no way around it then

Throw back to last night when I hung up on jakey to call Augusto and told jakey that I was taking a shower but literally I was gone for an hour and needed an excuse fast so I told him i shaved my ass call that strategic ass shaking 

Okay so this tribal. Everyone on my tribe thinks jakey is evil and he’s just going to go back to the brawn tribe, which is like, wtf, he literally voted in minority on purpose and gave us leverage on him. Like he literally has put himself on the line multiple times. He ratted out the brawn majority over and over. Like jakey is not loyal to the brawns on the other side at all. The people on this tribe don’t give a shit and my opinion isn’t being heard at all, Kendall won’t budge and Augusto won’t budge, and Scott wants to keep devon. Can I just say scott is a rat, he is playing every single person. Jakey trusted him soooo much . Anyway, everyone wants jakey out for literallt no reason and jakey trusts me 100% and jakey is the best way to get info from the brawns on the other side. Anyway, KDJDKSN KDNDKD we are getting dirty. Jakey has an idol. And I told him he was the vote and I made it sound like it’s all Scott’s decision cuz I’m really tight with Kendall and Augusto, so now, jakey wants to idol out Scott Basically, it’s time for a cluster fuck and it’s time for chaos So at merge jakey and I will play from Opposite sides

so jakey fking tried to flip the vote and he blew up the 5 person alliance to devon and hes fucking up my game so much nkwejfnkew god maybe i will try and get him out at merge even tho i love him, i basically had to ccreate this narrative that jakey thinks that me jakey scott and devon are voting kendall but jakey is actually voting out scott jesus christ thi round gave me a migraine i have a case of the lie-abetes

I- there's nothing else to say hahaha the boys don't even talk game. So when I know something y'all will know something

People are paranoid as hell about a merge. What is there to be paranoid about, honestly? I've just tried to come into this game and have a good time and I think I've achieved that. No one is really looking at me as a threat right now, and there's still plenty of time left to play.

okay so i filmed a video confessional earlier which i will upload but adam just woke me up to the fact that we might be merging tonight?! which is so exciting and kinda crazy.... and the days line up with montenegro for us to be merging... at merge i think all my "laying low" can finally be for something and i can transition the bonds i've been making into making stuff happen. i've also been hosting a game during these quarantine times and i've realised people that do too much making SUCH deep bonds during the early stages become the people the jury is mad at in the endgame. i feel like im the middle ground, people feel close to me (and I would like to think I've come across as likable) without everyone thinking im their soul sister closest ally. at merge i think my "close" people who i can somewhat rely on are: autumn, jake, dan(?), jordan(?) and adam? like i have a core of people with various connections, which gives me some cover. its just about then feeling out the rest and seeing who i can trust amongst the rest... particularly the unknowns of augusto/kendall/scott/amir (assuming they are all at merge). like that is going to be the most important part of the merge stage for me, is figuring out which of them i can trust (and i do think dan and/or jake's opinions can help with this, because brainstorming with autumn helped me figuring out this hathor swap tribe).

i'm excited for merge... i do think i have early juror written all over me but i am also very excited. its time to emerge from the shadows and stumble my way into the light

live fast die young merge boots do it well. i literally am a clown, i got excited by my guess going so well and now i literally am a target the size of the sun exclusively because of my own actions what was i thinking KJASDFA honestly at this point? i embrace it, i push the 'im a shield' narrative and i trot on my little trotters to being mayor of ponderosa. this season i chopped of my own head so will not be the winner and the king, but hopefully i can be a kingmaker? also if me winning the tiebreak sends jake home i literally will be so unspeakably frustrated with myself i will literally... scream. HE PROBS HATES ME. i'm praying he lives i will feel so bad if he doesnt KLASDF

i literally... can not believe i am so stupid my lack of braincells really boggles my mind

So I was really hoping that we would win this challenge today because I like everyone on this tribe. But of course with my luck in this game, we lose AGAIN. And it's a shame because I like the Thots Alliance and i feel bad voting out Devon. I know he's someone who trusts me and although I don't 100% trust him, I know that he's someone I can depend on. Plus he makes a really good goat at the end, so it'll make winning more of an obstacle for me without him there. To my surprise however, Kendall and Augusto approach me with the idea of voting out Jakey. I really like Jakey and I practically see him as my #1 here, so voting him out would be difficult for me to do as well. We've discussed the idol together, he gave me his CBS all access account info to watch the finale, and hes one of the very few smart people in this game. So on a personal level, this is a hard decision to make. However, from a game perspective, it might be the right call. Jakey's setting himself up to be a swing vote at the merge, and the fact that he campaigned for Dan to stay and was adamant on not voting him out shows that. When it comes to Devon and I, I would prefer to not vote Devon out but if I needed to in order to show that I trust an alliance moving forward I would. So the fact that Jakey doesn't see it like that is alarming to me. In addition to that, I know that Jakey has lied to me multiple times in this game. He purposefully gave me the wrong idol clue for one of the matches, and when I called him out on it he bluffed it up. On top of that, I know for a fact that he voted for Kendall during the AJ vote. And the fact that he's trying to play it off on Devon goes to show the lengths he would go to make sure he controls everything. And on top of that, he wants us all to tell Devon straight up that he's going. Like... did he not learn from my story when I tried to do that? It can't happen. From a game perspective, voting out Jakey is the more logical choice to make. He can navigate better in a group of people and is aware of whats going on. Devon on the other hand, doesn't even know where the idol is or how to look for it. Devon is someone who you can take into a merge and know what he's going to do. Jakey is more unpredictable. And I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to rally up troops to blindside me when that time came. From a personal perspective, I prefer that Devon goes just because of the lack of trust between us and the fact that I don't ever see myself fully trusting him. Sadly I have to lose this battle in order to win the war at the end. So I'm going to vote Jakey out tonight and really hope that it doesn't come to bite me in the but or that he doesn't play his idol (i know he has one, its obvious with how paranoid he's been)

Guess I’m gonna cry because we lost… by a tiebreaker… it was sad. I feel especially awful because had I not made the mistake of repeating a name on my list during my 8th guess, we could’ve very well have won… but no one needs to know that! It just blows because going into a potential merge in a 7-5 scenario is NOT it. Plus like, their only vote was a unanimous vote for Connor which like… love Connor, but a rock could vote Connor out. I wanted to see tension, I wanted to see idols played, I wanted to see hands thrown, I wanted to see lines drawn, and I wanted to see messiness but all I ended up seeing? Disappointment. I hate it here deadass (‘:

Aside from being kinda sad we lost, I do feel super secure. Last round, I wanted Dan to leave to get rid of Brawn numbers and have the best chance to get Jakey out and now I have that! I know Amir is on the fence but I know Kendall and Devon would be all for it (Scott is as well, but I didn’t really know how much he’d be about it until this round) so it needs to happen. While I adore Jakey as a person and we’ve connected a lot, our strategic games don’t align at all since he doesn’t tell me much of anything? Most of his info goes to Amir or Scott and I’m being selfish here but I want all the tea (‘: plus him playing double agent with the Brawns at merge is not what I need if we’re going into the merge with not enough numbers. Not only that but Adam is a wildcard in terms of if he’ll work with me or not but Jakey being there with us makes it so Adam wouldn’t want to so there’s that. Girl… i sound like a whole ass gamebot wtf ghfdjnms

It’s so weird like I am extremely proud of the game I am playing but I still feel inadequate as a player? I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others because I’m ME but my two closest allies (Kendall, Amir) are playing so much better? Amir is able to get all the tea in the world and form those important game connections which I don’t feel like I can yknow? With Kendall, she is just so bold (and beautiful) with her gameplay in a way I could never like she doesn’t mind being the secondary target, she talks to everyone and talks game with everyone, and stuff like that. So in a way, I’m probably not a major threat to people because those two icons are here BUT I also don’t know if that’ll make me seen like a non-factor… that’s just how I feel going into merge and it’s kinda mehhh idk ;-;

MERGE IS COMING. TOnight actually, people are speculating, but im the only one with the certainty that its tonight and im feeling wonderful. I think if I play my cards right Im gonna have a lot of options come merge. God pending Kendall does not die tonight (hopefully her beauties keep her alive) im gonna suggest we secret pair beware this shit and tsart working from opposite sides to keep each other safe. That will allow me to pick of people Im not working with, while hopefully ensure that people im not with who are with her will be detered from targeting me. Thats my plan but who knows what the true dynamics of merge will be. Ive been playing quiet so far but im about to become the star of teh show, my ego just cant take it.

i really feel like by getting a five i got jake voted out and i want to scream i literally am gonna be out for blood if he goes

[cheswirls]

a quick sum-up of che’s future career plans, bc reasons

im halfway through the dive!! anime show that came out this summer season, and i’m having a lot of thoughts, and plus i finished going through all the footage i missed today of skate america while i was at a bball game, and it’s made me realize different things i guess? 

it might be mid-long length so its going under a cut, but to gain intereststart off, this is all about my desire to be an athletic trainer for the usa olympic center at colorado springs, co !

ive been an at(now when you see that abb. you know what it means hah!! not assistant teacher hmm) student since my freshman year of high school, and i’ve loved it a whole bunch. back then i was set on going to columbia U for their writing program, and i wanted to major in graphic design afterwards/during/it wasnt super planned out i was a fr. i didnt know what bfa or mfa stood for yet. it wasnt until end of sophomore year than i thought about being an at for realsies.

but i also still loved gd. so there was a confliction there.

junior year i took a break from working volleyball in the fall and did my one and only year of football and it was terrible primarily bc the team i worked with didnt know how to function as a group and half the group were selfless bitch whores but like thats another storyyy, secondly bc i jus really discovered i didnt care abt football at all. it was mostly for the experience and i gained it and i liked it bc i hung out w a lot of people from helping out w varsity (i was one of two our of the five juniors that had been there since my fr year and was only on jv bc it was my first year w football, but one of the seniors had to work a bunch so when they needed an extra person i was the one w the most experience so i was w them a lot,) point was it was fun!!! and you have fun w ppl you like that you dont work w all the time and i shouldnt say fun bc lots of times it was awful,

basically! it was fun being w the varsity trainers which were the seniors and the other junior that had been around since fr year. volleyball was fun but it had always been a one-at-student-per-team sport , so it was different jus being w other ats that shared the same team and not the same sport(which in the us is made up of at least three different teams, a fr,jv,and varsity). it was a more open environment and so it inspired a lot of talk with the at grad students we had that semester (we got 3-4 every semester in a partnership w the D1 uni in town, it was always cool to hear stories from them!) and anyway i remember talking w a couple of the grads one practice and we were discussing all the different occupations athletic trainers could have, and what they wanted to work with in the future, and the topic veered towards professional sports and the olympics.

i thought it was really cool when we were talking about it, and then we got busy and it flew out of my mind. i dont remember when it came back and became a focus, but sometime before my senior year, i had decided i wanted to work at the olympic level.

real quick i mentioned gd and the struggle, so to bring that into focus, my junior year i took a whole bunch of different tech classes (gd&i, compsci, webtech) and in one of those, i had the opportunity to go to a ... i cant remember what the term was for it, but it was kinda an event for gd students and it had a little competition and stuff, and it was really fun! nd you got a lot of info abt the community college hosting it and i learned their program was really good, so the gd versus at internal struggle continued, and i remember talking to my sponsor teacher (she actually taught all three of my tech classes that year aaa i loved her) about how i didnt know what to do and shit and i dunno what she told me but like, i think she was trying to be encouraging but she basically said it was up to me, like she didnt try and nod me into a direction, that i can recall.

so SOMEHOW bc i honestly cannot remember, by senior year i’ve decided that im gonna jus fuck it and pick BOTH and double major in gd and athletic training. AND i had it all planned out, where i was gonna get a degree in gd and open up an online business, and then go into a masters program for at and then enter into the olympic field. 

by this point creative writing is still cool and a great hobby but i couldnt possibly double major AND have a minor that’d be too much. id still love to take a cw course tho one day.

basically a buncha crazy stuff happened that first semester but by winter break i had an acceptance letter to a uni a couple hours north of home with a good accredited undergrad program (accredited basically means you graduate w a masters in four years so its fasttracked which woulda been great but uh..) and by the time i found out that next semester that they were doing away with the accredited program i was already too emotionally invested to consider panic-switching(panic bc it was february and id already been admitted hah...) but i decided it’d be okay. basically if you dont remember/werent around one of my school’s head ats died in a car crash died around early october ‘16. she went to undergrad where i go now, and i’d talked to her about it september that semester wondering if she knew anything abt their program and uh surprise, she’d done the same program small world. after the funeral in november and a ton of thought i applied there. (november was.. crazy in general last year. rly crazy)

may was when i started adding on sports to the future olympics job, bc i started thinking about it and after finally getting a friend to watch yuri on ice, he started making his was through all of sochi’s figure skating stuff, and then the 2010 vancouver olympics, and i decided i wanted to recap a bit on that too.

the 2010 olympics was really my first experience with figure skating. i’m a west texas gal and so theres not a lot out here to get exposed to, so seeing these best-of-the-best class sports was fun, and the earliest experience i can remember of such. i was in fifth grade so i dont remember a ton, but i do remember being captivated by korea’s yuna kim, who won gold that year in fs. shes an fs legend at this point, so if you’re into figure skating and don’t know who she is, go look her up. you wont be disappointed.

in 2012 was the london olympics. i remember a lot from it, like watching the opening ceremony with my parents and seeing the queen jump out of a helicoptor(which is like,, still cool to this day wow) and being fascinated my michael phelps and all the swimming he did so grandly. it was also my first real exposure to diving. the oldest i could recall anything abt the sport was at a pizza hut somewhere.. in town i think, and i was w my best friend at the time and my mom was there so i think maybe we were on the way back from the lake??? sounds right, i think. and we were talking abt how i always held my nose when i went underwater bc i didnt know how to not get water all up my nostrils and be underwter(and i still dont to this day aha) and she mentioned like, joining a diving team would be cool! would help me get over it and all! and i like recalling it dunno what she was talking abt bc we lived in dirt city nothing so i highly doubt there was or is any sort of diving sport happening. swimming, yeah maybe, there were lessons at pools and bodyworks areas around town, competitive teams im not sure tho, but not diving like at all so??? dunno.

so my next and technically first real experience with it was watching the london olympics. and i thought, wow, this is so neat!! i watched from that one day like the opening events, and i think i was old enough to search online like yea i had a laptop by then so i looked up the schedule for the things i wanted to see most of, and i ended up watching i think most of the diving events (i missed a couple for.. archery, i think? maybe?) and absolutely loving it. iunno what it was, maybe something i never thought i could do?(bc not hold my nose?? while i dove???????? scaryy) but i enjoyed it a bunch.

i was older when sochi was a thing, my 8th grade year. i was able to appreciate things a lot more. when i tuned into events, tony hawk and snowboarding were the main focus, but figure skating was on a lot as well. i had a tv in my room by that point, so if i didnt like what was playing on the main tv, i could go watch another event. i learned a lot of names and faces through that, and so while my bff was watching it our senior year if i was with him id point out skaters and their nationalities and stuff, like yuzuru hanyus always been a modern day household name w figure skating, but i leanred abt him BECAUSE of the sochi olympics, and he was one of the ones i’ve never forgotten. i really really liked it, so much that i watched worlds after, and around the same time my fr year, i tuned in to just the worlds championship again. i didn’t pick up trying to watch grand prix(which is their regular season, for those unaware) season until my junior year, and most of it was day-or-two-late videos from youtube, since the ice channel i think it a paid-for thing (i still dont know much abt it hah) and nothing was on tv otherwise, aside from the skate america event. but since that first time after sochi, ive always been around watching worlds fs near the beg of each year. i’d familiarized myself by senior year with the fs world, and actually,

early (i think march?) of my junior year, i searched up trying to find a figure skating anime at the time. and what did i find?? ginban, the only figure skating anime at the time. i watched like maybe all of one episode, it was abt a girl who shared her body w the ghost of a former figure skater while she was competing in events, and it was.. okay? lackluster, in the animation dept, but it was a 2005 show so.. yeah.

so after that i was like kk that wasnt good lets find another. and i didnt. not yet, anyway. instead, i found an announcement for violet evergarden’s animated adaptation, and yuri on ice, a realistic adaptation of the sport of figure skating. thats bolded bc its important. i found that shit abt yoi before it even had a promo poster, certainly before the pv came around that got everyone hyped up. i found it bc i was looking for figure skating in the first place. in fact, i think when the pv came out and got popular, i didnt even relate it to the upcoming fs anime i’d read about previously. it took me a bit to connect the dots. 

watching yuri on ice at the same time as the gp 2016 season was surreal, but really interesting. i got my bff into it before the second to last episode came out, and i only remember that bc he finally showed any interest when he found something on twitter abt it being gay (newsflash/// hes gay, and before yoi his fav show was no6 bc that was as close as it got. he still rly likes it, we both do, but his solid favc is now definitely yoi. representation matters and all) and was like well now i HAVE to watch it and i was all yes it ends soon so pls. and he watched it twice in a weekend, and thrice before the finale came out, and then a few more times after that, iunno how many times but certainly more thn i have(i went back after the .. maybe ep 10? w/e ending had the after party reveal that changed everything, so i went back to analyze everything before the next ep) and between the week of 11 and finale 12, he started watching the sochi fs competition, and then the 2010 after the show ended w ep 12. 

seeing this great fs show and getting a friend into the world of figure skating really renewed my love for it all. before the semester went out i went back and watched the reruns of the sochi fs stuff. and by may i’d decided i wanted to cosider that to be the sport i worked with.

with diving, it took a similar twist. in the form of the rio 16 olympics. i was all over that shit, i downloaded an nbc app on my phone so i could watch events live while i traveled with volleyball to a tournament in dallas and while i was at practice w them at home and generally jus away from the house and a tv. i planned that shit out had a schedule and everything for what i was watching live, and a lot of it was swimming, but a whoooole lot of live stuff was the diving. 

in the hotel room in dallas the tv would always be on to w/e olympics events were airing at the time, either track or diving tho, one or the other, or recaps. quite a few girls ended up in the room in the evening and we’d all do stuff and watch in passing at the same time, and it was suuuuuper fun. watching the chinese women perform flawlessly and walk away w all the gold was fun, but finding a good commentator to actually say such was a disheartening challenge( one of the most memorable moments w live commentary that year was hearing a woman say of one of the chinese ladies that she’d done better before, after they revealed her personal best score ever like rly cmon be unbiased and jus passionate abt the sport youre covering pls.

ive always been super fond of the diving scene. it may not be as much as fs, but honestly, i wish i grew up in an area w a diving team now, or wish i could try it out now, bc thats how much fun it seems. i still wanna go up to the big city like 30min away from uni and learn to ice skate in the civic center there, but hands down if i had to pick a sport to join tomorrow or die i’d pick diving. 

so also by may, and throughout the culmination of senior year, diving was the second sport on the olympic to-train-for list. you get a five-year contract w the olympics, now i think it’s usa as a whole and i think its by center so say, if i get a job in colorado springs i cant apply in another five years to chula vista or even like lake placid, but iunno for sure. the five-year thing is involved somehow bc i’ve heard it from a physical therapist and trainer-that-works-in-a-sports-med-clinic duo in one body named sarah, who’s been contracted out from the clinic by my high school since junior year also, bc she knows people who’ve worked w the olympics, and then another from church that worked w olympics that knows my family uh iunno how well but i know of him, i think he also works in the clinic as some sort of on-hand surgeon but a diff person than who sarah knew. so its five years somehow and then i’ll take my bfa in gd and open my online business and do that from a studio at home and look after my owl/cat pet combo.

since may, it had been ‘olympics, with either figure skating or diving’. and it stayed that for a long time. now, since a couple weeks ago, and this is again while gp season is happening for fs, its diving. i wanna work w the usa olympic diving team as their team athletic trainer, and i cant do it this summer bc i have to have completed two years of uni, instead of a certain standing, like be a junior, but so NEXT summer, before my senior year of uni, (i came in a sopho so 6 sem only ah) i’m applying for an internship at the center in colorado springs, and that’s the team i hope i work with. 

now i tell people, diving, but if i get offered figure skating, i’ll take it, but diving is the goal now. if i love it and wanna continue professionally, great, i can do that and have an online gd shop. and if i decide i want something different? i’ll work olympics and then join w a professional-level figure skating i actually dunno how it works. coach, and their skater in turn. coach, with multiple skaters under them. a culmination of diff usa skaters. w/e, something in the professional fs world.

and thats uh, thats it! dive has been so much fun to watch, and i realize i talk a lot on here about working w basketball and being an at student in general and the vast majority have no idea what i mean, so hopefully this clarifies. thank you!!

[adtwixt]

Adtwixt - News: 99 Unforgettable Gift Ideas Under $25

Have you ever found yourself in a spot where you have to get a gift soon but you have no idea what to get? Yeah, me too! All the time actually That is why today, we are going to discuss 99 unforgettable gift ideas under $25. Each gift is perfect for a friend, family member, significant other, or whoever you need to get a gift for. They range from amazing kitchen gadgets to fun and functional tools anyone can use in their daily life. Ready to get started? Lets get into all of the amazing gift ideas under $25!

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read mydisclosure policyfor more information.

What could these gift ideas be used for?

I am glad you asked! These gift ideas under $25 are perfect for any of the following occasions:

Birthdays for friends and family

Anniversaries for a significant other

Going away parties

Housewarming parties

Graduation parties

Holiday parties or dinners

Stocking stuffer or gift-exchanges

Looking for more holiday gift ideas? Check out my Ultimate College Student Holiday Gift Guide

99 Gift Ideas Under $25

Alright, lets dive right in! Below, I have sectioned off each of these gift ideas under $25 to help you better navigate.

Gift Ideas for the Book Worm

Each of these are classic books that never get old. They are perfect for any individual looking to better their life, need a pick-me-up, or simply just love to read!

Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen: Allens best-selling book is the ultimate and perfect guide to productive living. In it, it sets up a foolproof productivity system that anyone can easily use. Makes the perfect gift for students, anyone who works at a desk, and stay-at-home moms.

Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things by Jenny Lawson: Next, this is among my top ten favorite books of all time. Lawson describes how she hilariously handles life living with anxiety and depression and brings the reader along for an epic, funny, and uplifting adventure. I cant recommend this book more.

What Now? The Young Persons Guide to Choosing the Perfect Career by Nicholas Lore: This is, hands down, the best book-gift I ever received. I read this book cover-to-cover and was able to decide, with confidence, my career path! This is the perfect gift for your favorite college student, high school senior, or young adult who is still trying to figure out their future.

Adulting: How to Become a Grown Up in 535 Easy(ish) Steps by Kelly Williams Brown: Speaking of young adults, this is another great book for your favorite 20- or 30-something. This is a step-by-step guide to being a functional adult.

You Are A Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living Your Life by Jen Sincero: This best-seller makes the perfect gift for anyone! It is an uplifting, motivational, and inspirational book that will pump anyone up to chase their wildest dreams and quit letting fear get in the way.

Looking for more book ideas? HERE is the list of 100 books everyone should read before they die!

Catch 22 by Joseph Heller: This classic, best-selling novel should be on everyones shelf! It is a humorous war novel and one of the most celebrated books ever written.

Eat, Pray, Love: One Womans Search For Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert: Next, this best-seller is the perfect book for your favorite traveler. It follows a woman through her travels across the globe and what she learns along the way.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin: Another great classic is this gorgeous copy of Pride and Prejudice. It is a humorous, love novel about five women and their mothers attempt to marry them all.

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak: Next is this best-selling novel that takes place in 1939 and follows a young foster girl who, you guessed it, steals book. It is widely known as a life-changing book and a must read of all ages.

The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien: My final book-gift recommendation is the first book in the Lord of the Rings series. It is a must read for everyone and is the perfect way to make someone fall in love with reading!

Related: 21 Life-Changing Books every 20-Something Should Read

Gift Ideas for the Chef

Next on the best gift ideas under $25 list is the top kitchen gadgets that are perfect for anyone looking to up their food game! Actually, I really think kitchen items make some of the best gifts for anyone really.

Tupperware Set: This is such a useful gift for anyone who has recently moved into a new or larger place.

Drinking Glasses: Another great gift for someone moving into a larger place or who is in desperate need of new drinking glasses (which is a surprisingly large amount of people!)

Plate Set: Again, another great gift for a newly move-in.

Silverware Set: The last of the kitchen essentials, silverware. A must have!

Silverware Organizer: Know anyone who just tosses their silverware into a drawer? Yeah, this is for them.

Kitchen Towels: A great gift for anyone! Plus, you can find some really fun seasonal sets and colors.

Kitchen Knives: A good knife set can really be life-changing. As a bonus, you can even include a knife-sharpener!

Taco-Holder: This is one of those cute little fun gifts that are perfect to add to a larger kitchen-themed gift!

Cookbook: There are so many great cookbooks out there that make perfect gifts. THIS is my current go-to book because it has everything!

Cookbook Holder: This is so useful when baking. Especially when you have messy fingers!

Looking for a bigger kitchen gift idea? Instant pots are where its at!

Kettle: These are amazing! I use mine everyday and would be lost without it! They are perfect for tea drinkers or anyone who boils water on the regular.

Waffle Maker: This is another fun gift that is great for anyone! (Makes the PERFECT exchange gift!)

Utensil Set: There are so many people out there who need this.

Noodle Strainer: A great, basic addition to any kitchen.

Smoothie Blender: These are perfect for your favorite health nut!

Cute Apron: Every good baker needs a cute apron.

Coffee: When in doubt, coffee makes a perfect gift.

Tea: Likewise, tea is a great gift too! You can never have too much.

Tea Infuser: These are great for people who are serious about their tea drinking.

Snacks: Finally, if youre really unsure, snacks/food make great gifts because you know they will be used/eaten up!

Related: The Ultimate Guide to Eating Healthy on a Budget and a Time Crunch

From food, snacks, utensils, tools and more, kitchen goodies make the perfect gift for anyone!Click To Tweet

Gift Ideas for the Commuter

Next, lets discuss some of the best gift ideas under $25 for your favorite commuter. This could be someone who drives everyday, takes the train, or simply has a bit of a walk before they reach their daily destination.

Coffee Travel Mug: Everyone can use a new travel mug.

Multi-Tool: Perhaps a more boring but definitely useful gift idea.

1 Month Audible Membership: Commuting can be incredibly boring, especially with traffic. Spice it up for your favorite commuter with some audiobooks!

Cute New Sunglasses: Sunglasses often get lost or broken throughout the year so they make great gifts (because you know everyone could use an extra pair!)

Headphones: Likewise, headphones dont last forever. Lucky for you, that makes them perfect gift ideas.

Portable Charger: Portable chargers can seriously be lifesavers when commuting.

Cute (and useful!) Keychain: Finally, a cute keychain can be the perfect addition to any gift.

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Gift Ideas for the Homebody

This next gift ideas section covers everything related to the home. These gifts are perfect for anyone who has recently moved into a new place or perhaps is in need of some new decoration. These also work great for anyone who likes to stay in on the weekends!

Flameless Candles: Most rental units (dorms, apartments, etc.) dont allow candles, which is why flameless candles are so great!

Picture Frame: A cute picture frame with a photo inside makes a great personalized and meaningful gift.

Monogram Cork Holder: These are so cute and are perfect for someone who loves wine!

Blanket: Cozy blankets make perfect gifts and are always useful.

Curtains: Curtains are like giving the gift of more sleep, especially with blackout curtains!

Cozy Socks: Cute, fuzzy socks are classic gifts and great for anyone who lives in a colder climate.

New Movie with Popcorn and Candy: Movies are always great gift ideas!

Diffuser: Every home needs a good diffuser. They serve double duty as a humidifier too!

Cute Throw Pillows: Throw pillows are a great addition to any home.

Plant Terrarium: These are so cute to add to any home and require very little maintenance.

Twinkle Lights: Lights can really transform any space into a cute and cozy atmosphere.

Re-Usable Bags: Many cities are getting rid of plastic bags. Help fight for the environment and give the gift of reusable bags! (They are SO useful too!)

Related: The Ultimate College Packing List for Dorms and New Apartments

Gift Ideas for the Workaholic or Student

Now, lets talk about some gift ideas for the workaholic or student in your life. These are perfect for anyone who often sits at a desk or uses a computer often. They can turn anyones ordinary desk supplies into extraordinary!

Student Planner: First, planners are among the best gifts you can get! THIS planner has everything your favorite student will ever need. As a bonus, it is printable! So you can download the files onto a USB and give them a copy so if they need an extra page of a certain layout, they have it at their fingertips.

Cute New Mug: A good coffee/tea mug is something truly special.

Blue Light Blocking Glasses: Many people spend countless hours in front of a screen. Make sure their eyes are protected (and headaches avoided) with a nice new pair of blue light blocking glasses.

Cordless Mouse: A good cordless mouse can make a huge difference to productivity. THIS is my favorite mouse, I swear by it.

Thumb Drive: Honestly, one can never have too many thumb drives

Laptop Case: When moving a laptop from place to place, it is incredibly important to keep it safe and secure.

Laptop Vinyl Stickers: These are so fun to add to any laptop and make a great gift!

Keyboard Cover: Keyboards get dirty so easily, a good cover is a great way to avoid this issue.

Tablet Stand: For frequent tablet users, a good stand can make a big difference.

White Board and Markers: These are perfect for a student who studies often!

Wooden Block Desk Calendar: Finally, these desk calendars make the cutest addition to any desk!

Related: College Backpack Essentials 21 Items you Must Carry With you at all Times

Gift Ideas for the Stationary Nerd

In addition to desk and computer supplies, lets cover some fun stationary as well! I love stationary, so I thought it deserved its own category. These gift ideas are relatively cheaper than the other ideas, so multiples can be paired together under $25 to make a great gift!

Bullet Journal: First, bullet journals are great productivity tools and make wonderful, slim journals that you can take anywhere!

Washi Tape: Add a pop of color or design to anything with removable washi tape.

Coletto Multi-Pens: These multi-pens make the perfect gift for anyone who loves pens. They are great for color coding tasks, drawing, and so much more.

Mildliner Highlighters: These make great highlighters, art markers, and more. They are much better than regular highlighters because they are less bright and have two different tips. They are perfect to pair as a gift with a bullet journal.

Stedler Fineliner Pens: Next, these are among the most popular pens on college campuses today.

Sticky Note Set: Everyone goes through sticky notes so quickly, which means they make great gifts!

Fancy Pen Set: A good, fancy pen is always a great gift! These make great pens to showcase in the professional setting.

Pen Case: An organized, new pen case is a perfect gift for anyone!

Cute Notebooks: Finally, a few cute notebooks is always a great gift for a stationary nerd.

Related: The Only Student Planner Youll Ever Need in College!

Gift Ideas for the Fit & Health-Nut

Next up includes a short list of gift ideas for anyone who is into fitness. These make perfect gifts for people who are often in the gym or workout on a daily basis.

Water Bottle: Many water bottles wear over time, making them great go-to gifts.

Infusion Water Bottle: Speaking of water bottles, check out these infusion bottles!

Yoga Mat: Yoga mats should also be switched out quite often, so they are killer gifts as well!

Yoga Dice: Speaking of yoga, these yoga dice are so fun!

Running Belt: These are perfect for runners who need to carry a few items but have no pockets (like most of us)!

Silicone Rings: Jewelry can get really banged up at the gym, prevent this with some fun silicone rings!

Exercise Bands: These are perfect for anyone who likes to workout at home or on the road traveling.

Meal-Prep Containers: Finally, meal-prep containers make great gifts and double as Tupperware!

Gift Ideas for the Traveler

Next, these gift ideas are perfect for anyone who travels often. This travel doesnt have to be far! It could just be frequent camping trips on the weekends, or perhaps they simply just spend a lot of time in their car!

Warm Scarf and Hat Set: First, it can be cold out there in the world! So a nice set of mittens and a scarf makes a great traveling gift.

Carwash Kit: Know someone who is always traveling in their car? A good carwash kit just might be what they need!

New Cosmetic Bag: Finding the perfect travel cosmetic bag can be difficult, which makes it the perfect gift! Check this one out.

Hammock: On the road, on the trail, in the airport (maybe?) hammocks are great travel companions if you need a good rest.

Coin Savings Jar: These are great little additions to anyones home and perfect to use to save up for an upcoming trip!

Shower Tote: Sometimes, traveling with toiletries can be a pain, but a good travel shower tote can take care of this!

Bluetooth Speaker: Speakers are perfect while traveling and can be used while hiking or staying in a hotel.

Scratch-Off Travel Map: Let your favorite traveler check off their destinations with this cute scratch-off travel map!

Travel Wallet with RFID Blocking Sleeve: Tourists are often vulnerable to identity theft and they dont even know it! Protect your favorite traveler with one of these fantastic RFID blocking wallets.

Packing Cubes: These are a great way to organize any suitcase!

Related: The 10 Hiking Essentials Everything You Must Carry With You On Your Next Hike

Gift Ideas for the Gamer

Last but not least are games! Board and card games make the perfect gift for so many people! They usually make great gift-exchange ideas and are perfect for anyone young at heart.

Sushi Go: First, this is a simple and fun card game perfect for 2-5 players. It involves picking one card, then passing it to the next player until all the cards have been picked.

One Night Ultimate Werewolf: This is such a fun party game! It is for 3-10 players and involves everyone closing their eyes and listening to the game app for instructions, then you must figure out who the werewolf is!

Flux: This classic 2-5 player game is a quick and fun draw-one-play-one card game.

Exploding Kittens: This is another fun card game where you loose if you find an exploding kitten. Super fun!

We Didnt Play Test This: This is a ridiculous 2-10 player card game that only takes about 1-5 minutes to play with very simple, yet strange rules.

Uno: Next, Uno is such a classic game I had to add it. It is perfect to throw into someones glove box for a rainy day or to add to anyones game collection.

Looking for more game ideas? Check out Amazons top selling games HERE!

Codenames: This game is slowly becoming one of my favorite party games. You break into two teams and choose one person per team to attempt to use just one word to have you guess images/words.

Exit The Game: SO. MUCH. FUN. This is like having an escape room in your own home!

Catchphrase: This classic timed game is perfect for parties and is always a blast to play!

Punderdome: This is a fun card game for pun-lovers.

Joking Hazard: Another fun card game that allows you to move comic-style cards around into a fun story!

Pictionary: Finally, this classic should also be in everyones game collection! Such a fun party game.

There you have it, my top 99 gift ideas under $25. I hope you found some amazing ideas and are ready to hand out some amazing gifts to your favorite people! Now, it is just time to wrap them up!

Looking for more gift ideas? Check out my Ultimate College Student Holiday Gift Guide with over 50 fantastic gift ideas!

The post 99 Unforgettable Gift Ideas Under $25 appeared first on The Olden Chapters.

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[vileart]

Dramaturgy Shy: Katy Baird @ Edfringe 2017

Disco music, pop culture and free chips... Webcam modelling, drug dealing and flipping burgers: Katy Baird explores what we are and aren’t willing to do for money.  A show about work – the best jobs, the worst jobs, and everything in between.

Some people work to earn money, some work to feel fulfilled, some people don’t work at all and some people run away and join the circus… Join Glasgow-born, London-based artist and activist  Katy Baird at Summerhall (Venue 26), one of the Edinburgh Fringe’s most exciting venues, for a very personal story looking at the ups and downs of what it means to serve you – the great British public. 

For the last twenty years, Katy has been at the frontline of the customer service industry. From getting you high to supersizing your whopper meal, she has done everything she can to make you happy.

Workshy is a unique, vulnerable, often hilarious autobiographical portrayal of the relationship between labour, class and aspiration.

What was the inspiration for this performance?

This performance is about work and the things we do for money. It is my own personal story about the jobs I have done and the various ways – both illegal and illegal - that I have made ends meet. 

In the show I talk about working for over a decade in those service-sector jobs that we all engage with but often don’t even notice. When you go for dinner, when you travel or when you go out on a Saturday night there is always someone there serving you and for a long time that someone was me! In fact, it still is me but I am just doing it in a much more visible way now. 

I also talk about the way we make money below the radar – all the hustling to get by when you just cant face serving people 8 hours a day for little thanks and little money. Those times when what you need more than anything is to have some agency and just be someone for a change.

I was inspired to make this show because I feel that voices like mine are not heard enough on stage. It is real life I am talking about - my life, my world and my story. This is not a performance written by someone about what they think this life is like and performed by actors from a completely different background pretending to have had these experiences. It is not bittersweet, its not a coming-of-age drama where we realise that everything will be fine in the end. 

It is confrontational, unapologetic and most importantly funny – cause life can be all these things sometimes! 

Is performance still a good space for the public discussion of ideas? 

Well I have to say a big YES to this otherwise why would I do it? At the moment it feels more important than ever. So much of our lives are virtual and online now that we need and crave space to congregate, to think, to have a dialogue. 

Creating a dialogue is particularly important to me and I create the space in Workshy to hear from my audience – I ask them about their life and their aspirations directly. I also intentionally create a moment where we can all come together and chat about the ideas brought up within the show informally and with a drink. This for me is super important because then we can talk and share experiences and thoughts together.  

It is not the job of performance to tell us what to think. Its function is to pose questions and ideas in order to enable us to possibly think and feel about things in a different way. 

How did you become interested in making performance?

I was in the right place at the right time! When I was 26 I made the decision to go back to school and began an Access to University Course at Stow College in my hometown of Glasgow. This led to a degree in Sociology and Theatre at Glasgow University, which I began in 2003. The early noughties were an amazing time for performance in Glasgow.

The annual National Review of Live Art festival was in full force bringing the most political and influential artists working in live performance to Glasgow every single year! Back then both the Tramway and CCA also had fantastic performance programmes and I was exposed, for the first time, to the work of Forced Entertainment, Campo, Gob Squad, Lois Weaver and Annie Sprinkle to name a few. 

Not forgetting the wonderful Arches – a performance space that supported Glasgow based artists like myself, showing my first ever performance, as well as more established UK and international artists and was such an important part of the performance ecology in Glasgow. This was an incredibly exciting time where it felt like anything was possible and I became inspired to make-work and to be part of this weird and wonderful community of artists. 

KATY BAIRD - Workshy from Pacitti Company on Vimeo.

Is there any particular approach to the making of the show?

This is my first full length theatre show and it took me four years to make.  I started preforming first drafts and small ideas and slowly worked on developing it whilst also working full time in office administration so it was a stop and start kind of process. I asked for help where I could and I watched a lot of performances and did a lot of research into what I wanted to talk about. It was a total labour of love for a long time but the hard work has been work it as it led to an amazing UK and international tour and now Edinburgh.  

Does the show fit with your usual productions?

I would suggest that Workshy plays with the conventions of theatre but it is most definitely a theatre show, this is a departure from my other artistic work which is often body based and and performed in Live Art Festivals or club contexts.  With Workshy I wanted to reach a new and different audience this is why I am so excited about preforming at Summerhall and the Fringe in general. 

What do you hope that the audience will experience?

First and foremost I hope that they will laugh and have fun. Although we will all have just met I try to make it feel like we are all down the pub together having a few drinks and maybe doing that classic thing of disclosing a little to much information with people you have just met in a social situation.  

What strategies did you consider towards shaping this audience experience?

I use the same strategies I learned whilst selling drugs - always be nice, always treat everyone like an old friend and most importantly always make sure you deliver a product of very high quality! 

In this new personal, political performance, Katy puts herself out there one more time to serve you, giving you everything you want with a little help from some disco classics, drinks from Katy’s Bar, a mid-show delivery of free chips for everyone in the audience, and of course, plenty of ketchup. At the Edinburgh Fringe for the first time following a successful UK tour, including shows at the Folkestone Fringe, IBT Bristol International Festival, and in Hamburg, Germany.

“Workshy is a potted history of my employment life,” says Katy. “Over the last twenty years I have spent my time working in Butlins, Burger King, Wetherspoons, as a drug-dealer, as a kitchen porter, on the dole, on the sick, in nightclubs, as a sex-webcam ‘model’ and most recently as an artist and Arts Administrator.  Workshy is a performance to be enjoyed and to be consumed; it is an opportunity to be able to spend time with new people, to see a bit of your life on stage, and to consider how we see and think of people in relation to their working environment. It’s about going behind the headlines and challenging the negative media narratives.”  Unflinching critique of austerity Britain; savage class satire; a night down the pub... all that and a bag of chips!

Summerhall – Anatomy Lecture Theatre | 2-27 August, 21.10 (NOT 3rd, 9th, 16th, 21st)

£9 / £7 / £5 | 75 MINS | 18+ (CONTAINS NUDITY, ALCOHOL SERVED) 

Katy Baird is a Glasgow born, London-based artist and activist who often finds herself in uncomfortable situations of her own making. Her solo work is intimate and autobiographical, reflecting on gender, class and sexuality. She has performed at Live Art festivals and venues across the UK as well as squat parties, clubs and raves.

Deviser and performer: Katy Baird Production Manager & Lights: Patricia Roldan-Polo Producer: Emma Beverley

Listings information:

Summerhall (Venue 26) – Anatomy Lecture Theatre | 2-27 August, 21.10 | (No show on 3rd, 9th, 16th & 21st August) Tickets £9/£7/£5 | 75 mins | 18+ (Contains nudity, alcohol served)

from the vileblog http://ift.tt/2vf72bg

[udemy-gift-coupon-blog]

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[calcdad]

I’m actually sitting down at my computer to write this out and it’s not necessarily meant for anyone to read but maybe to organize myself and help myself in the process of pulling myself up 

Let me start off by saying that, beyond tumblr cliches, beyond the current sense of self depreciating humor, to whatever extent my spirituality exists, I’ve always had this weird complex and genuinely strong belief that I am a bad person. I am a bad person. 

The time i’ve spent at mcgill has been terrible. Honestly, truly awful. I could leave this city and never look back and I think that, save for a couple special people who have found their way into my life, I wouldn’t look back. And I wouldn’t need to. I’ve done nothing here to make a spot for myself anywhere in this city, in this school, or even in this residence. I do not feel welcome here, and I do not believe that I am welcome at this school or this residence. and a large part of that is my conscious fault. 

I was (and still am) so afraid of what these people here think of me that I haven’t left my room for days on end. I didn’t start eating in the cafeteria until recently. I wouldn’t go to class. any act of kindness which someone shows towards me I think is driven by some incentive to embarrass me, and I accept it and obsess over what could possibly be behind it. It’s strange, but all of the fears that I never had in high school are here. 

I don’t feel like I relate to these kids, and that’s another issue. I cannot, for the most part, make friends. I just...don’t relate. I must have met hundreds of people by now, and only about five of them are good for conversation beyond the superficial. I don’t feel like anybody actually likes me for who i am, and when it comes time to show somebody who i am, i really run into another problem which i havent ever really faced in my life. I don’t know who i am or what it means to open up anymore. Like what the fuck. How. I don’t know how, but it doesn’t happen.

I sit in my room under the covers for ten hours a day laughing at memes and hiding because I dont feel like i have a place with these kids and i dont feel like i belong in these academics

Ive been sick since october and the mcgill clinic is so notoriously rude and awful with handling their students that I really do not want to go back there, not to mention that I cannot function without like 16 hours of sleep now? and i dont know what brought that on but i am more exhausted than i have ever been in my whole life and i dont do anything. I dont do anything.

But i’ve been smelling blood nearly constantly for like two months and ive had such a nasty cough and other symptoms since october so like what does that mean?

Then like. the conscious part.

I met sam a week ago, but one of the most remarkable things about him is that I can genuinely be myself without worrying about being too fem or any of the other “you’d be perfect if you just...” insults that every other guy has given me. But like. the self depreciating humor is taxing on him and probably everybody else. nobody wants to hear how im hating it here when they’re having the time of their lives and like thats great im happy that you love it here but i have never felt like death has ever been closer, be it by natural causes or my own hands, i really do not think i will live to the end of first year. or so my dramatic causes have me believing. which is strange. i hate making him uncomfortable with the negativity ive put off, and really pretty much anyone else, but like...idk...it’s not easy. i’m the kid in rez who cant do rez life. i’m actually an outcast here. i don’t know how i’m supposed to hide the fact that i hate things when i cannot escape an environment that i know is toxic to my mental and physical health, when i feel so anxious around everyone and everything so much that saying hi to someone who lives on my floor is a struggle and i cant do it without some dark humor focused joke on how im struggling when really n o b o d y else is struggling but me. why cant i get with the fucking picture. i wanna be optimistic though. and change my attitude. rly wanna put in work there and smile again for once in months. i dont wanna throw away what could be such a good experience with a different guy who can provide several good lessons, and i dont even mean in a boyfriend way. just in being around him and his influence. i want to learn from that.

fabia ditched on me as a roommate next year and like that didnt bother me at first but like...im living alone now. i have her as a friend (maybe?) bc sam and chris are leaving, and im living alone. these are the years when i should be living with friends and having fun and i cant do it because i cant live with friends and i dont know what fun is anymore! i like alcohol and parties but honestly like...they are bad things for me. i need to keep them away i think. but also, some of them are ok and i want to go to those but then i get crucified for trying to enjoy normal college life

i think kathy is realizing she doesnt like me as a person. that..........is an issue i wont ever have words to tackle. It’s also a two way street, and i wish she could see the double standard and the harshness of her tongue that she throws at me when she insists it’s for my better. I’m literally wishing for death every day and i feel like i lost the support of the woman who has been through it all with me and that’s such a.......lonely feeling. it makes me disappointed in myself, for reasons i should be and reasons i should not be. it is a two way street and i wish she were more open to hearing my side instead of talking down to me because i don’t have it together and she does. this isnt actually what it’s like but it’s what it feels like and it’s not exactly encouraging to hear such cold nasty words from your best friend if you slip up or if you go out to a social event and try to make friends and actually feel like you did only to get shredded. it just isnt what i need right now and i’d like to think she still gets me enough that i havent quite ever struggled this hard in my entire life. im sorry im not doing better but you’re wrong if you think im not trying. id really rather not fucking try, id really rather throw in the towel and that is the first time ive ever felt so strongly about this and i dont know. i want my best friend back and i dont want her hating everything i do or making it feel like she does. kathy if you read this i love you and i miss you.

emily i love you and i miss you too and what ive been meaning to bring up is that i love dana and i love you two together but since you two met you’ve been so distant and i just wish it felt like you were around a little more. i miss gaymarie.

it’s all ashes really. sam deserves to meet me in a better time in my life, because this is a really toxic person that i am right now. kathy and emily and fabia deserve a better friend. but i am fucking trying. impact>intent, but i am fucking trying and i don’t think anyone gets the magnitude of that statement when i say it. maybe it doesn’t matter. i want to, and i will, get myself back together. i just dont know what back together looks like from here.

[back-and-totheleft]

Stoned again

It's amazing that the love scenes in "Alexander" are between two men. Yes. But we gotta deal with it. You can't walk away from the fact that pre-Christian worship of multiple gods did not involve the judgments that the Christian and Jewish philosophies brought. The movie doesn't come down for it. It comes down for the idea that this is the man that Alexander loved, and he was desperate for love and trust. He never had it. And he searched all his life, through men and women.

Yet you don't show any sexual contact between Alexander and Hephaistion. Why not? Were you tempted? Not really. Because you only need five words. Alexander says, "Stay with me tonight, Hephaistion." And you get it. If you don't get it, fuck you, it's your problem. We may have had a few takes of them kissing, but it wasn't my intention. The movie is beyond homosexuality. It's about everything: mothers, fathers, lovers, children, your relationship to the gods, your relationship to your ego, to power, your generosity — it's just about being alive.

Olympias, Alexander's mother, played by Angelina Jolie, is a pretty tough lady and a major prod to her son. Makes me curious about your mom. What was she like? I couldn't have done anything without my mom. Her energy is phenomenal — strong, optimistic. She gave me the perhaps distinctive energies I have.

Is she still alive? Oh, yeah. She's a Bush supporter.

You're kidding. That's a mind-fuck. Yeah, she's fallen for the whole security-state thing. She reads the New York Post, which is always tearing her son apart.

You're a child of the experimental Sixties. Have you ever had a gay experience yourself? Oh, I can't say. Because Rolling Stone is read too much, then it gets around to Page Six. You know how it goes — it's a sleaze culture we live in.

As a filmmaker, you've always been a guy who hasn't been afraid to take the leap. Is it harder to make movies with a strong, individual vision these days? Yes, because they — the studios — are making too many movies. It's lucky if a vision or two gets through that system. When you develop the scripts, they cut 'em down, cut off the extremities.

To make them less expensive? No, to make them less controversial. They like the "wild" idea, but all behavior inside that idea has to conform to political correctness. A man can't do this. A woman can't do that. A child is supposed to be treated this way. And when you do show these "wild" things, you have to send clear signals that this is "not right." So I find American movies suffocating, and I think a lot of people do. It's like Soviet realism.

So the conservatism of the political atmosphere has pervaded Hollywood? There's a tremendous kind of consensus in America — it's gotten worse. Conformity was always a problem in school for me in the Fifties. You got this rigidity, this repression, and it's playing out now. I think my generation is very disappointed. What happened to those wonderful guys who were saying things in the Sixties and Seventies? They got subsumed, and I have to feel that the media is complicit. Like a development committee at a studio cuts off the extremes of a script to bring it to the middle, the media does the same thing. It just doesn't allow Howard Dean to be Howard Dean. One ridiculous shout! They clip the edges off.

Do you feel that has been done to you? After years of being in the headlines, you've been almost invisible for the last four or five years. I'm one of many people in our culture who have been cut out. After September 11th, I talked to Norman Mailer on the phone. He said, "We're all going to be gone in a few years. They're getting rid of us."

How did this happen? America had great energy in the Seventies. But now the corporations have pretty much bought everything, so even though there's a record number of entrepreneurs, the beauty and vitality have gone out of things. It's hard to get enthusiastic. Go to a magazine store: You see 400 magazines. They specialize, specialize, specialize. Everything has been broken down to its microself. Inertia results. It becomes too small, too specialized. It's happened to movies. There's no responsibility, no friendship. We all work for giant corporations. Your friends are only your friends in fair weather because they might be axed tomorrow if your film doesn't make money. It's a fear-ridden society, and anyone who says and does anything is in jeopardy.

In 1991, as the Persian Gulf War was beginning, you said that war changes the consciousness of the country. How is the current Iraq War changing the country? It's corrupting it in every single way. The only positive thing that comes out of it is some research in medicine and defense-related stuff. The fact that we still have the biggest dick because we fought the battles — a lot of people live off that. But that's only power. What are we number one in besides that? Certainly not in manufacturing, education, quality of life, health care or the environment. Eventually, this war is going to break the bank. We got Saudi Arabia and Japan to pay for our last one [the Gulf War]. What are you going to do? They're going to tax people like me out of the fucking book.

Why don't you make a movie about it? The remake of The Manchurian Candidate should have gone all the way. I wanted to do it, but they wouldn't let me. In my version, it would have been Barbara Bush as the Angela Lansbury mother figure — the mother bitch, mother hen. It's a great story, because George W. Bush is the Manchurian Candidate.

It's dangerous these days to speak out as you are. Don't you fear being labeled an America hater? I feel it's a beautiful country, but the people are living on borrowed time. It's not just Iraq, it's the whole Bush adventure. It's a radical revolution in American thought and ideas — the notion that we are an empire, and that by setting the rules, we set reality. That is, to me, a complete perversion of natural law. On every level. The treaties, the courts, commerce, morale, war — the whole kit and caboodle. The world has strongly expressed its disapproval, but America doesn't listen or even hear it because it's cut off by the media satellite curtain that they put up. I've been away from America for two of the last three years, filming Alexander in Morocco and Thailand and doing postproduction in France and England, so my Iraq War was over here, and in those countries you saw endless footage, and I was horrified. From the get-go it was a disaster; it was never reported correctly in America. The lies got bigger and bigger, and as you know, the bigger the lie, the more people will believe it. Goebbels said that.

[After the election, I spoke to Stone again, this time on the phone from Los Angeles. He blindsided me with his calm, resigned reaction to Bush's win. Partly, you sense that Stone likes to be a contrarian; but as a competitive man himself, he also clearly has respect for anyone who could prevail in the bloody life-or-death battle that is modern presidential politics.]

So how did you feel when you saw Bush win? A couple of my friends really got bummed out. I didn't. I kind of expected it. I just didn't feel that Kerry would win. There's something too elegant about him, too refined. You have to think back to Mr. Kennedy and how he almost lost too. And the thing about Bush — and we have to give him credit — he's a fighter. He has proved he had more guts than we thought. I mean, he went through a tremendous bashing. To be in his shoes, I would've destroyed myself with doubt. Most of us wouldn't be able to function. He was able to put it aside and keep going. He's a strong mother. So I'm not going to belittle Bush. There might be something there that I didn't see.

I cant believe I'm hearing this from you. My hope is that we all move on. The door is closed. There are going to be conservative judges, conservative legislators, more prisons and a bigger military-security state. Those are givens. My deeper fears are that the country will go bankrupt in some way. Well, it already has. But I'm afraid we'll be called on it, like a Third World republic. Like what we did to Argentina. If Bush keeps on scaring the world, there's a possibility that the blocs would align against him: Europe and Asia and China. It could become an economic war where the dollar becomes some kind of a banana-republic currency. That means everybody's life would be affected. All our holdings. Our American worship of private property would be in jeopardy. There would be a strong undermining of it from the most pro-private-property men of them all!

That would be ironic. But if Bush goes domestic in his second term and adopts Social Security and tax reform as his major issues, I think that will lessen the tension abroad.

What about the role of religion in this election? Is the religious right directing this country now? The religious right was the base of the party back in 2000, too. And they've never given up on the justices and putting them in. They will get them in. We have to accept that. Listen, it's not the worst of all worlds to reverse Roe vs. Wade, but people have things out of proportion, because people will get fucking abortions if they have to, somehow. That's age-old.

You've just endeared yourself to the feminists yet again. I'd hate to see it overturned, and women should have that right, but they're going to overturn Roe vs. Wade. End of story. Live with it. Move on. Abortion is not the be-all, end-all of the world right now.

Yet you're not ready to give up on the country and go live in Paris! Not at all, no. I do believe in the international world, I believe in planetary consciousness and all those corny Sixties things. I do believe that we are all one. OK? John Lennon was right, and we have to maintain that message. But we have to deal with the short term, too. I'm pulling for Bush. I want to believe in his good side, like I did in Reagan. With Reagan, I kept saying, "Believe in him, believe in him," although I kept having nightmares about Nicaragua and what he was doing abroad.

So your reaction to this election is to be a realist and not lament what we can't change?

Yes. Exactly. I don't want to live the next four years in bullshit regret. I'm a doer.

-"Stoned Again," John Colapinto, Rolling Stone, Dec 9 2004

[nprcy]

Three ways to Shop for Medium-Young-Old Adults During the Holiday Season

OH HI GUYS (Hi Mom, Hi random person I went to high school/university/Japan with who clicked on this link by accident.) WELCOME BACK TO MY CHANNEL! So, I know it’s been quite some time since my last post (2 years) (*post-publishing correction, it’s been slightly less than 1 year. Eat me, at least I fact-checked.) but yeah, you know, things get so crazy when you find other ways to waste your time on the internet! Anyway, I’m back again-  here to give you some handy last- minute shopping tips for those ambiguously-aged adults who are SOOOOO THE WORST to buy gifts for! TBH it’s almost like they’re too old to do gifts anyway, but none of them have had children yet, so it’s awkward to stop now and it’s like... Chrasmas! 

I may not have been an adult doing adult-y things for a long time (SPOILER ALERT: I’m still not an adult) but I have been all three types of people on this list, so I know with absolute certainty what their deepest desires are during this sacred, gift-shoving-down-throat season.

Medium-Young-Old Adult Type One: Atoning Sinner

This is for that person who is SO PUMPED for a NEW YEAR AND A NEW... THEM! Help them on their way to starting over in January before it’s too late for them to start off their new year RIGHT. Because it’s not like time is relative, and a “new year” could really start at any point during our predictable, celestial tumble around the sun. No, no... no. Reinvention can only TRULY begin in the instance of January 1st until the next time we collectively agree it’s January 1st. Bottom line: this person is a real go getter, albeit a procrastinator, and they’re poorly equipped for their new start- so help them out by BUYing them... 

-a fitbit

-a prescriptio- I mean...subscription to a cardboard box of vegetables that comes to their neighbour’s house by accident every month

-fitness magazines featuring people on the cover who get paid to do exercise so they can look like that, but you can too!

-that new title about a specific food item by that famous doctor/trainer/actually someone who isn’t either of those things but has authority anyway

-passes to exercise classes 

-headphones to block out the voices in your head telling you that YOU CAN’T DO ANOTHER SQUAT #youcan #youdid

-a mug that says something empowering on it like “SHE DREAMED IT SO SHE DID IT” that is made of  ceramic or some other delicate material so you can’t actually use it in the environments in which you could actually use a silly slogan to boost your self confidence, but you’ll feel really pumped up while you eat your cereal

Medium-Young-Old Adult Type Two: Ambitious Sinner

This is for that special person who always makes you feel a little shittier about life and the future, but still makes you laugh about it. That’s a special person right there, you hold onto them. Just like anyone else, they have desires around the CHRASMAS season, albeit most of those desires are just for it to either not exist (sorry, can’t because CAPITALISM) or for it to pass by quickly and painlessly. Here are some items that will help that clock tick faster (remember, time is RELATIVE, and never more so than when you’re with your relatives.) Get them:

-alcohol of choice (enough to last them approximately just past new year’s day when the ‘holidays’ are ‘over’) 

-hangover pills (yes, they actually exist, and they can be found by the pedialyte in most pharmacies. You could also just give them pedialyte. It’s just like gatorade.)

-gatorade (because there are just more flavour varieties than pedialyte can compete with.)

-doritos for when the gatorade/pedialyte gets them too hydrated and depletes the necessary levels of salt they need in their system to function (tell them straight up eating raw packets of lipton’s chicken noodle soup will do the trick too)

-a bunch of those lemon scented wet wipes you stole/extorted out of some server at a chicken wing joint of your choice. They’re really handy if your life is always a mess and your recipient will appreciate how hard it was for you to get your hands on them- talk about thoughtful!

-a gel gem to cover their entire bathroom mirror so they don’t have to see themselves doing those cliche ‘stare at myself after dramatically splashing face’ moments during reflective moments of duress and shame

-a magic self-filling popcorn bowl that can be pulled out of thin air so that it can be used as a comical prop during moments of heated discussion, debate or general drama that you want your loved one to maliciously and fashionably enjoy

-magic dust that could revive their childlike wonder during the holiday season, and NO this is not code for cocaine

-matches for burning bridges 

Good for both of the people above: Sweatpants

Medium-Young-Old Adult Type Three: Combination/Nihilist

Aside from the sweatpants, buy the matches and the health magazines. They can either use them separately as they so choose or use them on one another to neutralise both items... and after a brief pouf of flame- create that amazing, empty void representing the futility of existence. Who knew you could give someone you love THAT? You’re welcome.

Oh- this has been a helpful article? Don’t forget to give me a thumb’s up and subscribe! 

*If you feel your 25+ something loved one is not well represented by these lists, it may be that they do not qualify as medium-young-old adults. This said, you may want to reference shopping lists for “Adults who Retain Childlike Wonder and Interests” or “Adults who are actually Adults So We Just Want Socks and Perhaps a Nice Bottle of Wine” or “Adults Who Have Children so Why Don’t Shop For Me Just Get Something For Baby Emry”  or even  “Yo, I Don’t Do Xmas Remember? That Time You Came To My Bat Mitzvah?” Adults. All of which I will release in my next blog post in the year 2025.

See you in 2025!