#luckily they laughed it off

[sidetongue]

look at hims dancy legs

[tequiilasunriise]

Enid: Uh, guys, where’s Wednesday?

Yoko: Damn, her tinyass must have gotten lost in this huge crowd. I knew we should’ve made her wear one of those leash backpacks

Bianca: You mean the ones for children? I didn’t realize you had such a heavy death wish

Enid, more worried: Guys, cmon! We need to find her!

Xavier: Alright chill, Ajax and I made a plan in case your girlfriend got lost-

Enid: She’s not my girlfriend!

Xavier: -if you will, Ajax

Ajax, cupping his hands: ENID SINCLAIR IS A LITTLE FUCKING B I T C H-

Wednesday bursting through the crowd with several knifes in each hand:

[stubz]

"Human Kim's mate is dead?!" cries Calis.

"What?! Kim has a mate?!" cries Max

"She is your comrade! How did you not know she has-had a mate?!?"

"But what about Fenrir-wait is Fenrir dead???"

"Human Kim had her bonding band before courting Fenrir, I'm talking about her other mate."

"She's cheating?? Fenrir is the other man...orc???"

"Do humans not have multiple mates?"

"I mean...not usually no...but wait lets back up a minute. How do you know Kim's mate is dead and what do you mean by bonding band, do you mean a ring that goes on a finger?"

"I cannot believe you, her comrade of 5 years, have not noticed her longing rubbing her ankle. How she no longer has the bright orange band on her left ankle. How she looks at her communication device...phone? and looks at what I guess is a photo."

"...wait the orange band? Made out of fabric? Like string?"

"So you have noticed, why have you not consoled her then??"

"...hold on a sec. I'll be back in a moment."

"Are you getting her? Bring her to the command room then, we shall have something for her."

"....how many people think her mate is dead!?"

.

"Why are we going to the command room?"

"Just keep walking. I have a question for you but I need you to answer in front of a lot of people."

"Ookay?" the humans enter the command room and see it decorated dark and somber. Friends and close co-workers are there dressed in black or their respective mourning attire. Calis steps forward.

"Hu-Kim...Kim we are so very sorry for the loss of your mate...may they join the galaxy as a brilliant star and may you both reunite someday in the great beyond..." They slowly grab her five fingered hand with their four fingered hand.

"...If anything were to happen to Gala...I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. If there's anything you need, anything at all, just ask."

"...Calis...thank you so much...but I don't have a mate?"

"That's what I was saying!" exclaims Max. "If she did then she would've told me, her work best friend!!"

"...but the band on your ankle and your sadness?"

"...Kay I did not notice that but yeah what's up? You alright?" he turns to his short friend

"Ohhh, you mean my friendship anklet?"

"Friend-ship anklet? ...not a bonding band?"

"It was made by my best friend, no offense Max, on Earth the last time I saw her in person 'bout...almost 2 years ago? Anyways it finally fell off since its string and I just miss having it."

"None taken."

"So no one died? She's still alive?"

"Yeah, I just texted her yesterday about the anklet and she said she'll just tattoo one on me cause it'll ward off Max...no offense Max...she just can't accept that I have more than one best friend."

"Again none taken...wait is this the friend who hated you at first and you didn't know so you kept being friendly to her until eventually she accepted you and you've been best friends for like almost 10 years?"

"She...hated you?"

"Oh yeah, she thought I was really annoying but I'm pretty dense so I just kept being nice and going to eat lunch with her throughout high school until after like...2-3 months she gave up and accepted my friendship. Oh! and I didn't know any of this until like this year." she grins

"That's a beautiful friendship right there...makes me jealous about how boringly we met and bonded over anime and musicals."

"On most planets beings would maul you over your annoyance...would you like some of the cake we got you before we knew no one died?"

"Yes please! Also thank you everybody but sadly...and luckily no one died!!" she calls out to the dozen or so aliens and humans in the command room.

"...wait you thought I was having an affair with Fenrir!?" cries a horrified Kim

"That's what I was saying!!" screams Max

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

yall would not Believe the level of 'just ate the floor' i achieved today

[intermundia]

so sleep deprived i just told the middle-aged nurse who confirmed i wanted both a covid and flu shot to "fuck me up"

[paulmccartneyprostateorgasm]

Almost got caught out reading beatles rpf on my break at work ajfjksks

[dayurno]

do you think kevin would enjoy philomena cunk or would he have a brain aneurysm at all the wrong info

honestly i think kevin is too autistic to actually enjoy her humor he would get himself tangled up thinking that she actually means it. re: comedians i actually think he’d get quite a few lols out of joan rivers and the likes…. for kevin’s sense of humor (or lack thereof) i believe he gets a kick out of dry and insulting humor, so really as shady and pointed as you can make it be. that’s why i said somewhere in this blog at some point that jean is the only person that can actually make kevin laugh, because he’s such a mean-spirited hater at heart 🤏 you can’t say kevin wouldn’t get a giggle out of watching jean dump cold water on neil in the nest or saying that andrew’s existence in itself is unforgivable. you can’t say he wouldn’t

i also want to say dirty jokes because i do think you could get kevin’s face to crack if it’s good enough but that one’s more so out of shame than actual laughter. still!

[criminal-sen]

Btw I found out the worst thing uiu can possibly do on this site which is. to fall down a rabbit hole of weird fetish stuff when yr half asleep and then. fumble your phone and accidentally slide your finger over the share button:)

[gentlehue]

MY SISTERS PISSING ME OFFFF RECENTLY

[penisslayer69]

FRANCE MAN DOWN

[viviae]

Someone needs to write about the dog culture white middle class Americans have where the obsession with a masculine dog is genuinely leading to massive amount of high demand dogs being neglected and untrained dogs that one bad accident away from murdering someone else's pet or child

[ritzcrackerswgooglyeyes]

I want to work on my stupid amv project but I am SICK I'm so MAD

[inklingofadream]

victoryyyyyy new cult au in the whenever i manage to wake up and maybe? hopefully? on a daily schedule for at least a bit longer, got half the next one written too

[masquenoire]

"You know, as tempting as it was to give you the death's head moth, that felt like low hanging fruit. So you get a cinnabar moth."

@gnarledbite offered you a moth HERE!

"This isn't one of those little shits that'll munch on my suits, is it?" Roman asks, his finger extended to allow the little moth free passage over his hand. A wary eye was cast as it crawled towards his immaculate sleeve - he wasn't very good when it came to wildlife. Pests were handled by hired professionals and, during times when secrecy was of the utmost importance, his own henchmen. He was too busy to take time out of his day to kill vermin, unless it was the two-legged kind, but Roman was surprised to find himself studying the little creature that Garrett had somehow made flutter onto his open palm. Roman had never seen a moth like this before. It was deep black all over with the only other colour being a vivid scarlet. Together with the dots and odd patches on the wings, it was almost... cute, the crime lord having to be careful not to crush the thing when it darted back onto his palm, crawling in between his fingers. "Gotta admit, I like the cut of it's style. Death's Head whatever sounds cooler but I don't want anybody thinking a bug's in charge around here. So, uhh... how do I not kill this thing again?" he said, looking up into nearby eyes of greenshine. So long as the damn thing didn't decide to chew on his suits, Roman would be fine with it hanging around. Garrett certainly seemed eager on leaving it with him, perhaps to serve as a watchdog or whatever the hell he was capable of making it do with those freaky powers he had.

[parasolids]

hi everyone i just accidentally sent my coworker the uncensored cover art of the money store by death grips

[dutybcrne]

Love the idea of Kaeya's father being one of the Sinners of Khaenri'ah ngl-