#mini analyses or whatever

[riseriseleo]

do you ever think about how tim really didn't have friends in research.

(from @trans-jon-rights thanks for the pic max <3)

i think tim was hard to talk to. but not hard in the way that he joked too much. no, in the way that he was standoffish and short with people. he had a goal, a drive, and he couldn't let anyone or anything distract him.

(cough buried tim drowning under grief cough desolation tim prepared to burn the world down cough lonely tim who has no one at all and barely had danny before he disappeared cough i could go on)

sasha was the one who drew him out of his shell. who took him out to the bar, to loosen up. she became his single spot of light in the dark cave that he was lost in.

and then jon, who was a little too much like him that it kind of jolted tim out of the headspace. he ate lunch with jon, they helped each other with research, they grew close ish. tim is the only person who knows about georgie.

and then jon got promoted and sasha didn't and he was just a little bitter towards jon. jon is still his friend, so he tried to hide it behind jokes and a smile, because he's gotten back into the mindset of 'humor to cope', but still.

and then sasha is gone and jon is Becoming and danny is—and the circus—

and then nothing, because tim is no more.

[dc-posting]

Young Tim who makes kandi/friendship bracelets for Robin and Batman (mostly Robin, he just doesn’t want Batman to feel left out) and leaves them in the Bats’ most common brooding/surveillance spots.

He does this for years, perfecting his craft. He makes bracelets with multiple chains, his beads get higher quality, his finishings improve (he learns that gluing the knot and trimming down the string is better than just tying it off and cutting it down.) and he loves to make bracelets for the two Robins, and for Nightwing, when Robin I eventually becomes his own hero.

When Jason dies, Tim sneaks over to leave kandi at his grave, nothing that would incriminate him as Robin, just things Tim thinks he would like. Kandi strung in his favourite colours, a cuff with a quote from his favourite book, intricate designs woven with pieces of Tim’s heart and his sorrow for his favourite Robin, his hero.

They’re cleared away often, but Tim replaces them with new kandi diligently.

He also turns Robin II’s favourite gargoyle into a mini shrine, bracelets and kandi chains decorating the stone high above Gotham’s streets, dedicated to his hero.

When Jason arrives to the tower, ready to break his replacement’s wings, he instead finds a sixteen year old boy sitting cross legged on the floor, surrounded by boxes of beads. He has a tray in front of him, a design laid out that he is carefully transferring one by one onto the elastic string.

“Stupid Bruce clearing the stupid grave.” He mutters angrily, tying off the bracelet. “Have to replace these every other week.” He adds a dollop of glue, ties the string again, adds another bit of glue, and then sets the piece down to dry. Jason watches as he carefully manoeuvres the glued knot to rest in one of the beads, ensuring that’s its secured to itself as well as to the bead.

He would be impressed by the attention to detail if he wasn’t currently processing that Tim fucking Drake is Robin’s stalker.

He thinks back to his room at the manor, at least fifty bracelets for Robin II found on rooftops (and once, on the passenger seat of the Batmobile. God, the look on Bruce’s face.) stored securely in a plastic box at the very back of his closet. His most prized possessions. He knows Dick has one just like it.

Whatever plans for revenge being enacted through the vessel of his replacement are immediately scrapped.

“Those for me?” He asks, leaning against a wall and crossing his arms.

Tim whips around, beads clattering off the bracelet he was carefully stringing together.

“Not unless you’re my neighbour’s dead son.” He shoots back, tone aiming for joking, scrambling for his staff. Play cool, play cool.

Jason barely thinks for a moment before he removes his helmet. He peels off the domino mask, wincing as it pulls slightly.

“Uh…” Tim stalls, staff at the ready.

“You left me bracelets, all around Gotham. For years. For Nightwing too, and the Bat.” Jason tilts his head. “You said those were for your dead neighbour. You make them for me out of the mask too?” Tim nods wordlessly, stepping aside so that Jason can rifle through the pile of bracelets waiting for their glue to fully dry.

He finally finds his words as Jason starts trying on various pieces.

“I started leaving them after you- after everything. At your… grave. B and A clear them away every few weeks, I don’t know if they keep them, but I replace them.” He sounds unsure, Jason thinks that’s reasonable.

“You don’t even know me.” He says, he knows why someone would leave gifts for Robin, but Jason Todd? No way.

“You were my hero. You are my hero.” Tim responds, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Guess we gotta break into the manor and see where he’s hiding those bracelets then, eh?” Jason pushes through the warm feeling in his chest. He doesn’t have time to analyse that now.

“Only if you agree to let me run tests in the cave.” Tim still holds his staff in an iron grip.

Jason would expect nothing less from his Robin.

It’s only a small price to pay for those kandi after all.

[crescenthistory]

heyy carina, I hope you have a safe travel♡ how about our beloved Remus with the 'Person A waking up to a sleeping Person B clinging onto them tightly.' prompt and 'Saying "you're lucky I love you" and realizing too late what they said' prompt

for the journeys & journals mini-event <3

wc: 1.5k

cw: gn!reader, best friends to lovers, instinctual communication, physical affection, fluff, first kiss, reader pov, in denial!reader that can be interpreted as shy, reserved, etc.

It’s normal to be this close with your best friend.

That was what ran through your mind over and over like a mantra as you fell asleep in Remus’ arms yet again. This time, the excuse was that the get-together at James and Regulus’ stretched too long into the night, and the walk to Remus’ was simply shorter. You already had a toothbrush and your medication there. Convenient. 

It was only natural you wake up in his arms, the air of his flat light with dust particles dancing in the incoming morning sun. Both of you wearing some of Remus’ worn pyjamas, with his arms around your waist and his face buried in the crook of your neck, soft breathing fanning out over your skin informing you that he was still asleep.

You had been thinking more lately. And you were thinking even harder now, with your fingertips slipped up under the hem of his shirt, as if they belonged there.

Whenever you thought like this, Remus would pinch the space between your brows to emphasise the furrow and tell you “nothing good ever comes of that, dovey.” You always listened to Remus – you convinced yourself that that was the reason you had kept avoiding this specific line of thinking for years.

Truth is, you were a coward. And hopelessly in lo–

“Mm, good morning, dove.” Remus' voice rumbled against your skin, brushing his nose against your pulse point. You were amazed he could realise you’re awake without you moving or saying anything.

You smiled nonetheless. “Good morning, Remus.”

He tightened his grip on you, pulling you closer to him, despite your limbs already being an incomprehensible, tangled mess. Whether it was because he heard the shakiness in your voice, or because that is a normal thing for a best friend to do at 10 AM in the morning, you had no idea.

“Staying for breakfast?” he mumbled after a minute.

Normally, you would say yes without hesitating. Today, though, you were doing all this damned thinking, stalling you.

Remus answered for you. “Staying for breakfast,” he said, this time in the affirmative. He nuzzled into your shoulder and breathed you in.

“Well, if you simply insist.” You kept your voice light, breezy. You felt very breezy. And you were not in lov–

“I do, actually. The bastard that I am, keeping you here against your will.”

You knew he was joking, but even hearing Remus’ faux self-deprecation brought forth some primal, instinctual reaction in you, instilled after years of deconstructing every piece of misguided direction his father had drilled into him. You moved your head back enough for him to see your face, see that you were happy to be around him. “Breakfast would be lovely, my keeper.”

Remus grinned at you, lazy in the sunlit sheets. “At your beck and call, no?”

“Hey, I didn’t ask you to do that,” you argued, holding up your hands as if proving your innocence. 

He caught your hand with his, intertwining your fingers as he extracted himself from your neck to lay back against the pillow he had abandoned in your favour. He brought the hands up to his mouth to kiss the back of yours. “No, I do it because it’s fun. And I’m quite good at it.”

“That you are,” you whispered, voice too quiet to suit the moment.

Remus looked at you for a second too long, eyebrows twitching as if he was analysing you. Whatever he found, he decided to just smile at you. “The usual, then?”

“Do we have everything for the usual?” Remus had an elaborate breakfast meal he preferred to cook you up, a mixture of his and your favourites. 

His expression turned mischievous. In those moments, you saw his friendship with James, Sirius and Peter clear as day, etched into every furrow of his face. At least he had the decency to sound sheepish as he said, “I was hoping we could go to the shops.”

“The shops!” You let out a groan, rolling over to bury your face in the pillow beside his – you made a point not to let go of his hand, though. The nearest Sainsbury’s is quite the walk away. “Rem, it’s early.”

“Yes, it’s early, and I want to cook my dove a proper breakfast to wake you up. And I want to continue spending time with you. So…” 

It had taken years of friendship for Remus to get to the point where he would ask you to do anything you weren’t immediately thrilled about. The odd displayal of intimacy settled into your heart, even as you wore a mostly fake scowl to peer up at him. “Gods above. You’re lucky I love you, Lupin.”

A beat – then you realised what you had said. It was far from the first time you declared your love for him, but there was something about how the word love has been bouncing around your brain, uninvited and uncomfortable, for quite some time now that made it taste differently.

“That I am; alas, I love you more, so you must come along.” Remus’ tone and expression wore none of the weight to signify the same strife you felt at the minute.

The smart thing would have been to play off your momentary silence as you preparing yourself to get up. To brush it off, like nothing.

Then again, thinking like this had not been smart in the first place, so you were clearly not in the right headspace at the moment.

Remus’ gaze flicked back to yours when you remained frozen, looking at him in a way that was strange at best and concerning at worst. His brows furrowed properly this time as he studied you. He squeezed your hand and rolled over onto his side to see you better. “Dove?” he whispered, voice quiet. “Is everything… Are you alright?”

The anxiety you saw in his eyes told you he must think he had said something wrong. It made you ache enough to nod. Even still, you kept looking into his eyes, falling further and further down the well that was his amber eyes.

You had to physically tear yourself away and throw yourself back onto your back, putting distance between you as you let out a harsh breath. “Yeah, yeah,” you forced out, a bit choked. You made for a laugh, but failed. “Sorry.”

He didn’t let up. Instead Remus curled back against you, inadvertently pushing his plaid pantleg up as he hiked his leg over yours to lay against you. “Don’t be sorry. Hey. Hey.” 

With gentle fingers, he placed a hand on your cheek, turning it towards him. Your foreheads were a hairsbreadth apart. He looked between your eyes, fiercely studying. “What…” His question trailed off, unsure.

You looked back, confused and horrified with yourself. For a second, your gaze flickered down to his lips, noticing how they were slightly turned downwards into a frown. Almost panicked, you looked back up, just in time to see a sliver of realisation dawn in his eyes.

His expression seemed to be turning to one of entertainment, but you didn’t dare look back to his lips to see if they had changed. “Oh… uh…” He struggled to find the words. “Is this about…?”

You quite felt like going back to sleep right at this minute. You tried to turn your head back around, running despite there being no room to do so.

But Remus’ hand on your cheek remained steady, though it turned sweeter. “Hey, hey, no dove, it…” He swallowed harshly, eyes crinkling into a nervous smile. “Me too,” he whispered. “Me too.”

Your lips parted slightly. He couldn’t possibly mean…

He brought your hands still intertwined together up to his chest and pressed them against his chest. Over his heart. His gaze chased yours, and now you had the guts to check, verifying that he was in fact smiling. One look at his eyes proved it real. 

“I meant it too,” he whispered, ushering an intense amount of hope into each syllable. Hope that you understood. “I meant it too, my love.”

Your breath caught. 

Two young adults, entangled beyond what any visual glance could infer, on a cheap bed in a small flat that was made big with love. It was love.

You brought your free hand up to cup his cheek, thumb brushing over his undereye as you looked at him with all the confused affection in your heart. “Yeah?” you let out. Maybe not eloquent, but he carried all the meaning in the world nonetheless.

“Yeah.” Remus’ voice was teary with laughter. “Dove, can I kiss you?”

You didn’t wait to answer him. You closed the minimal distance between you and kissed Remus Lupin, like you were always meant to.

He was your best friend – but you were also madly in love with him. And the sentiment was shared.

[dearmyloveleys]

A directing and producing perspective on this WHC1 scene and why I think it’s 100% romantic in nature

Just to preface, I completely agree why some will argue that Sieun and Suho are platonic. There are so many scenes between them that I arguably will even do the same for my friends. I can even excuse the scene where Suho says Sieun is warm hearted in the hospital room and their mini training session by the Hangang. But this scene in the screen grab. THIS.

There is absolutely no reason for this scene to be shot and directed the way it is without leading the audience’s minds. There are zero heterosexual thoughts going through each of the characters’ minds in this scene and the scene direction, even way before when Suho goes to Sieun’s cram school to pick him up. Zero. Zilch. Nada. This scene was not casual at all.

1. Suho picking Sieun up from cram school

First of all, we need to understand that in film, blocking and scripting work hand in hand. Most of the time, these two work so well together that they form cliches in genres of film, especially for TV series. They form how a scene is shot for each line said/unsaid and guides the viewers in their processing and understanding of the scene. The moment Suho shows up on his motorbike waiting only for Sieun outside school, alarm bells go off in my head — dude why does this feel like a typical date scene in teen romance shows. Unless you’re a parent or sibling, you likely to be their romantic partner coming to pick em up.

There is this trope you must know about if you watched and read enough romance shows and books, especially het romances. I call this the “I don’t know why I came but I came anyway because I just want to see you”

Character A: *shows up at Character B’s house”

Character B: “What’s up?”

Character A: “Nothing. You wanna go out?”

If not dating, these characters are on the cusp of asking each other out — It’s almost scene for scene, line by line from Suho. And the way Suho just perches outside the cram school so casually waiting to pick Sieun up, it’s so unbelievably partner coded when it falls into that typical romance trope.

2. Suho wearing the helmet for Sieun

It doesn’t help that Suho takes up the helmet, wears it for Sieun and says, “Cute”. Cute? *throws up in the toilet* Suho absolutely is flirting again. And as many others have already pointed out, Sieun hates physical touch but he just goes along with it when it comes to Suho. This entire scene is a good example of that. He has absolutely 0 physical reaction to any of Suho’s advances, and if you watch the scene where Suho places the helmet on Sieun slowly, Sieun’s hands drop to his sides immediately when the helmet is taken out of his hands by Suho.

There’s not even a moment where he freezes and doesn’t understand what’s happening. It’s so adorable — it’s him saying: okay you do it for me. Wear this helmet for me. Dear lord. If I want to be delulu even further, not only does Sieun go along with it, you can even analyse it as Sieun being pliant.

And of course, the highlight of this entire scene, Sieun’s endless ocean eyes at Suho when they arrive at the apartment block to deliver food.

3. When you give me those ocean eyes

From the entire series alone, I can tell all the actors are very much purposeful and directed in their acting. Whatever that needs to be shown is shown. There really isn’t a need for nearly 10-15s of screen time just solely focused on Sieun staring at Suho like that. Like what? Like he’s absolutely infatuated, and we know Park Jihoon’s eyes tell one hell of a story if he wants them to.

Also to reiterate: 10s of a show’s screentime easily translates to 10min of irl action with multiple takes. That scene is directed for about 10-15min irl — it is on purpose to tell the audience about something. We as creatives can’t really put a scene in for shits and giggles. It tells us that something is probably going on between Suho and Sieun but they don’t want to handle that, so this is my guess: they do not show Suho’s close-up reaction shots at all to perform a certain damage control.

4. Production team probably deleted Suho’s reaction shots because it got too gay

🧎‍♀️ If they had included it, it would have just been too high on the gay radar. Because let’s face it, we’d have so many more edits and media noise of that scene if we had Suho’s reaction clips. It’s even worse, because the production team would have definitely filmed reaction shots for Suho and they’re purposefully not adding him into the final product. The post-production team highly likely edited a version of this where both Sieun and Suho were included, but it turned out too romantic so they only kept Sieun in.

A typical, platonically passing scene will be something like their Hangang lesson: you can go check it out, both Sieun and Suho have their respective reaction shots edited in there.

Just for Sieun alone, it’s already filmed with a blocking that’s so romantically shot — a close up, 3/4 profile shot of him staring up at Suho with a soft light illuminating his face, and Suho’s hands would have been on his face if not for the helmet.

In this exact moment in my article header image, it looks like either one is going to kiss the other. The image by the official Waave site doesn’t help: What, am I looking at a romance OST album cover for School 2015? And Suho lifts the visor and pats Sieun’s head again. Patting, alright, whatever.

But the lifting of the visor seems like such an additional step that’s not needed, but it comes so naturally from Suho. Why does he need to do that? 🤨 Plausibly, he’s still physically flirting here. It’s highly likely that he’s flirting with Sieun the entire scene, from picking him up to tricking him into doing the delivery.

5. Conclooooosions

Just like how Sieun grows to be comfortable with physical promixity and touch with Suho, Suho begins to be a tad bit more touchy with Sieun than his usual physical self. Furthermore from what I can grasp, I don’t believe Suho is one to initiate a hangout outside of serious matters (aka beating enemies up), it’s always either Beomseok or Yeongyi.

Hell, even Suho isn’t willing to get out of his comfort zone to help Sieun initially, and now, he’s skipping work, going up to Sieun on his bike for a surprise date. And Sieun? He’s not studying to spend time with Suho. It’s always the going out of one’s usual routines that indicate a change in a relationship and feelings.

These scenes means an awful lot because there is just so much unsaid behind Suho’s actions and Sieun’s eyes. It drives me mad mad. There is absolutely a tension going on between them that is glossed over in these scenes. It’s the only scene that I cannot really find myself excusing to not be romantic in nature. Dare I even say, in whatever untold story there is behind these scenes that night, it intensifies both of Sieun’s and Suho’s motivations behind the actions they take in the next/last few episodes.

[genesisami]

Yandere! Yukimiya x Reader

Mixed perception

CW: Typical yandere things, kidnapping, implied drugging, babytrapping, dubcon, reader is a female

———————————

You and Yukimiya had been going to the same high school since the first year, however the two of you never really interacted until one day you were waiting for your friend to finish his football practice.

Sitting in the bleachers, your scrolled mindlessly through various social medias, trying to waste time until practice was over. Your attention was abruptly spiked up from the sound of a whistle blown. Looking up from your phone you watched as the much older coach rambled on about something football related, but you honestly couldn’t care less, you was just interested in your friend being able to hang out with you again.

While watching the young players stand idly, your eye caught sight of a chestnut haired male. He had a pretty lean physique, quite tall too from what you could see at this distance. The most noticeable thing about him though was his ember coloured eyes, covered by similarly tinted glasses.

You couldn’t help but analyse the male for a couple of moments, you never really noticed him until now, mostly just paying attention to your friend. It seems the brunette noticed you staring because he now had looked your way, holding eye contact before giving a simple smile. You looked away, feeling slightly embarrassed and continued to stare at your phone until the players were dismissed.

Eventually, the coach let them go and you both made your way to exit the field. As the two of you walked you couldn’t help but think about the vibrant eyed male, interrupting your friend, who was rambling whatever about practise.

“Hey, who’s that guy on your team? The one with the glasses?”

It took them a moment of eyebrow raising before they realised who you we’re talking about. “Oh, Yukimiya? Yea he’s cool, why you askin?”

Though your cheeks felt a heat to them, you pushed through it fixing the strap of your bag as the two of you crossed the road.

“Nun, he just seems interesting..”

Your friend only let out a chuckle at your response, for the rest of the walk you to continued to yap about whatever the two of you usually spoke about.

After that day you began to pay slightly more attention to the guy you now knew as Yukimiya. It felt so coincidental that you just happened to see him more often around school, even seeing posts of him on instagram and oh? He was a model? Makes sense, he had the figure and looks for it.

Thought you saw him around often, and could’ve sworn you’ve caught him staring at you a couple times. You never actually interacted with eachother until one day when your friend had been absent for football today. He had some sort of minor injury, something to do with his ankle.

Today was a mini match between your team and some other opposing school, it was a little sad that you weren’t able to watch your friend play but at-least you had Yuki! Watching him felt like a breath of fresh air, the way he moved swiftly whenever he had the ball and how he never missed a pass to one of his teammates.

The match concluded and luckily your school’s team had won, the not so packed stands around the field roared in joy, similar to how the young players tackled each other playfully. You watched as they all cheered for one another, Yukimiya’s grin warming not only the teams heart but something within you as well.

Eventually it was time to leave the field and go back home, you made your way through the seats and other people who were watching the game. While walking you began to text your friend, asking how they were and telling him the results of the match. While texting you weren’t exactly paying attention to your surroundings, only being made aware after you felt warm hand go on your shoulder.

Looking up from your phone you was met with the warm smile and amber eyes of Yukimiya. “Hey, careful where you’re going,” He spoke with a light chuckle, causing your cheeks to warm with embarrassment.

“Aha- my bad!” You reciprocated his smile, not taking much notice to his lingering hand on your shoulder. “You’ree… [Friends Name] right? I see you two hanging out quite often.” Your eyes widened slightly, having no idea that Yukimiya had been paying attention to you before now. You nodded, “[Name], and you’re Yukimiya, I hear your name alot..”

His hand lifted from your shoulder to give you a gentle pat, his orange orbs staring into your [eye colour] ones. “Awh really? That boosts my ego. Nice to finally meet you [name], [Friends Name] talks about you occasionally, you seem pretty sweet.”

The flattery only further strengthened your bashfulness, looking down from his face and having you eyesight unintentionally fixed on his lower half. “Thanks.. I’m glad your team won, [Friends Name] was really happy when I told him.. So um, what are you gonna do later today?”

He smirked playfully before resting a hand on his hip and leaning slightly. “Oh? I didn’t take you as such a forward person, [Name].” Realising you may have said it wrong you shook your head, gripped phone as you tried to push away your self awkwardness. “That’s not what I-“

“I’m just playing with you silly! Here, I need to go clean up but after we can chat if that’s what you’d like, here’s my number.” He gently pulled away your phone to input his number in, swiftly handing it back to you. Soon after he waved you a quick goodbye before heading back to the changing rooms.

After that day you two became friends, or atleast warm acquaintances. It started with frequent texting, surprisingly he was the first to send you a message, though you don’t recall giving him your number, maybe he just memorised it from when he input his.

[Unknown number]: Hey! Did you get home safe?

[Name]: Who is this..?

[Unknown number]: It’s Kenyu! Did you already forget?

[Name]: Ohh! My bad.. yea I got home alright!

Your conversation continued along like that for quite a while, he was surprisingly a fast replier. As the weeks went by you two shared more interactions, him waving to you in the hallways, starting conversations with you during lunch and inviting you to hang out with him after school.

You two bonded quite quickly, despite your interests varying abit. Little did you know since the first day he had eyes on you, he couldn’t help but feel himself drawn to you.

You failed to notice the subtle signs of his attachment to you, his constant and I mean constant texting. Right in the morning after you woke up, in the daytime and right before you went to bed. Or how he looked at you with such a fascinated glimmer in his eyes, how be flashed dirty looks towards guys and even some girls who interacted with you while in his presence.

Occasionally he would comment on your appearance, saying sweet things like how you should be a model alongside him, how you had the perfect measurements and that you’re face was to die for.

He was also quite a generous friend, often giving you gifts of things you wanted while walking past stores, or even typical things. Oh lost your calculator? Here’s a newer and more expensive one. Your bag worn down? Here’s a prettier designer one. He even got you niche things you never verbally expressed to him.

He was like the most considerate and subtly affectionate friend ever, being more gentle with his words with around you when it was your time of month. Though you next exactly told him when that was, so how did he always manage to guess accurately? Oh well,

In the depths of his spacious and elegant room he would stare at photos of you while on his bed, smiling to himself as his hand reached to palm himself within his briefs. He’d never felt so infatuated with someone before, he couldn’t exactly explain what it was about you, all he knew is that the two of you were meant to be.

As the weeks developed into months he allowed himself to become more touchy with you, resting his chin ontop of your head, squeezing your waist playfully or even rocking his hips into yours when the two of you were alone.

Though in your mind the two of you were just close friends, Yukimiya believed the two of you were more than that. The occasional locking of hands or the quiet and close interactions between the two of you while at eachothers homes.

Eventually things began to grow, stringier, you slowly noticed his actions feeling a little less friend like and more intimate. Meanwhile he became more obsessed.

His plays during football would change varying on how the two of you interacted, whenever you spent more time with him and touched him he played amazingly, his movements being more fluid and striker worthy than any other teen player you’ve seen.

Though, the same thing couldn’t exactly be said for when the two of you had fall outs, or when you spent a little too much time with one of your male friends. His plays would become aggressive, more brutal as he took out his frustrations on the unsuspecting players.

Eventually one day he came up with a brilliant idea, rather than having to worry about others taking you away from him he could just take you for himself.

That’s how you ended up in the current situation.

You woke up to the light and ceiling of another room, a bed that felt so soft to the touch and a fragrant smell of designer cologne and musk. Looking around, you realised you were in Yukimiya’s bedroom, a room that you had been in far too often. Sitting up, you now realised that one of your arms had been chained to the frame of the bedc yanking it a couple times before blinking in dismay.

“W-what…?”

Your free hand patted your side down to look for your phone, failing to find it as the door to the bedroom you were In creaked open. “My star? Are you finally awake?” You heard the voice of your dear friend Yukimiya and was instantly confused. “Kenyu, what am I doing here?”

He chuckled before sitting next to you on the bed, his hand grazing up your chin before stroking your hair. “No need to be in a fuss my star-girl. I just took the liberty of making sure you were safe from those other people.”

You tilted your head at him, puzzled, before yanking at the restraint. “Hm? I wouldn’t do that if I were you, wouldn’t want my star injuring her wrist!”

He leaned in to hug you, his arms wrapping around you and holding you in place. “Mmh, you smell so amazing, my amazing girl~” His face nuzzled into your neck as his body weight eventually overpowered your weak core strength and toppled you both over.

“Ken-“ You tried to speak, to interrupt whatever this was, but he just ignored you, hugging tighter. “My star..”

“Keny-“ You felt your breath hitch as his tongue grazed over your neck, him mumbling something as he tried to suck on your neck. You used your free arm to push him up my the shoulder slightly, looking at him with a face of confusion and slight disgust.

“Kenyu!” He finally stopped to look at you, his brow raised but his lips still smiling. “Whatever this is, what you’re doing right now. I’m not.. I don’t like you this way.”

Yukimiya felt something within him crack a little, but he pushed it away, he knew your words just stemmed from shyness and not hate. “Don’t worry my star, you don’t have to pretend around me anymore, I understand,” His hand grazed up against her waist and down to her thighs, where he gripped the plush flesh leading inbetween.

“I feel the same way star, I see the way you look at me, I love you the exact same way. I love you so.. so.. so much. My heart aches for you and you only, baby. You feel the same no?” You had to hold in a whimper as you felt his large and warm hand dip inbetween your thighs, tickling against your clothed heat.

“N-no. Kenyu, I don’t see you like that. You’re just a friend to me.. I think you’ve taken, this, too far.” You spoke with little remorse in your tone, your hand going to grab the wrist of his that was touching you.

“Star… don’t.. what do you mean? You’re just saying this because you’re shy. What could I do to make you come out of your shell for me, hmm?” He held back his voice from cracking, instead hovering over you with his gaze fixed on your lips.

“No, Kenyu. I don’t think… I’m not sure If I even really want to continue our friendship after this…” You avoided his gaze, your heart pounding in both fear and remorse. One of his hand’s grabbed the side of your face, a warm tear falling onto your cheek as he shook his head. “No, no… no, you can’t just say things like that star. I know you don’t mean it.”

You tried to interject but was silenced by his lips going onto yours, a rough and wet kiss dragging out moans from the both of you. His fingers in the meantime slipped inside your panties, tracing circles on your sensitive clit that had you grabbing at the back of his shirt.

The kiss lasted for a while, it felt as if Yukimiya was going to devour you the way his tongue dominated yours. The only thing you were able to do in response was arch your back as he slid a finger or two into your tight cunt.

The last thing you remember is the sensation of your cunt twitching around his fingers before you blacked out.

When you woke up Yukimiya was nowhere to be found, you were still chained up with a sandwich to the side of you which had a note on it.

“I’ll be back soon my star, don’t forget to eat your lunch!~ Ken”

It made your stomach churn reading it, your friend of how long, turning into whatever he was now. Was he always like this?

You stayed in that room for what felt like weeks, he took care of you, keeping you fed and clean. Eventually after a while he let you out of the bedroom, though always kept the doors locked any any other possible escape routes. Need some fresh air? He’ll just turn on the AC or give you a fan.

Not eating? He doesn’t mind force feeding you himself, whatever to keep his sweet star healthy!

He kept up his sweet and nice personality, the only major difference in his attitude was when he would become more demanding and forceful with you. Policing what you could do and allowing himself onto you whenever he pleased.

Though, he’d never do anything to intentionally hurt you! Only to keep you safe from the dangers of the world.

He needed to figure out a way in which will keep you attached to him, and he just so happened to get one…

He was overjoyed to see the signs of you being pregnant, your subtly swelling belly and your weird cravings. He would get you whatever you needed, he loved the way he would watch you staring at your stomach, the look of worry on your face filling him with ecstasy.

He uses his advantage of both a model and a beloved football player to his advantage

You can’t leave him because he’s the one that’s making the money

You can’t leave him because who else is going to look after you and your baby?

[slutforth]

2005!BILL KAULITZ X GN!READER

cw: none!! a little bit of a sad Bill but nothing intense (just fluff)

a/n: Hii guys, my first fic here on tumblr. Please give constructive criticism, but don't just be plain rude :) Also, send reqs!!

"Y/N..."

Bill said wearily, gripping onto your hand as you walked through the school corridors. You knew he hated this. The crowds that tried to follow you guys.

Luckily, you had a few security guards around you all, so the girls weren't grabbing at us, but that didn't help the screams and shouting that the girls behind you were making.

"Come on.." You mumbled to the rest of the band, quickly making your way to the bus so everyone could get rid of the crazy fan girls from school.

Although you loved being "Tokio Hotel" with the 4 other boys, sometimes it could be really tiring, and that was clear on everyone's faces when everyone slumped down into the cushioned seats of the little van.

You were in the middle seat, squished between Gustav and Bill, while Tom and Georg sat in the back, giggling and sharing sweets.

Today, you were all going to Bill and Tom's after school since they had the most space and best equipment, and usually, everyone would be excited about it, especially Bill.

However, as you listened to music through your wired earbuds, you glanced over and noticed Bill just sitting there quietly. No music, no talking... he was just staring out the window.

Your brows furrowed in both concern and confusion at his behaviour. He was never like this, and you couldn't help but wonder if it had something to do with the fans and fame.

Whatever it was, you weren't going to allow him to be sad and just zone out about it, so you tapped his shoulder, offering one of your earbuds to him.

"Wanna share?"

He looked over, quietly studying your features for a few minutes before weakly smiling and accepting the gesture. He leaned his head on your shoulder, silently thanking you for the comfort and distraction thay you were giving him.

Truth was, he was really caught up in his own thoughts. About everything. Whether that be from the band to whatever he had for breakfast, he had recently started over analysing every little thing and it was taking a toll on him.

He was always grateful for you, though. You always managed to make him feel better, even if you didn't realise it.

As the driver slowly came to a stop outside of the Twins' house, everyone got out the mini van and quickly went inside, but Bill just trailed behind.

You quickly realised this and walked slowly to catch up to him. You didn't mind staying back, as long as Bill wasn't moping around and subconsciously excluding himself. You held his hand, pulling him inside with a small smirk as you heard him giggle quietly.

Tom had already got a bag of Skittles, which Georg and Gustav were trying to fight him for, which brought a dumb girn to your face, watching the way the 3 boys fought stupidly.

You and Bill went and sat in the little 'music studio' the twins' mom had set up for you guys, where in reality it was just their garage with your instruments in.

When you and Bill sat down on the soft cushions of the couch, you looked over to him, again noticing his slightly distant expression. And seeing as none of the boys were around, you decided to check up on him.

"Hey, uh.. are you okay? You seem a bit.. I don't know.. off?" You said cautiously, making sure not too offended him if he was defensive about his emotions.

"Mm... yeah, yeah, it's fine, I'm just tired, so I keep overthinking stuff.." He said softly, looking at you as he spoke. Sometimes, he needed help, even if he didn't want it, but you always seemed to know how to help.

You gave him a sympathetic look. You knew how he got in his head sometimes, so you gently pulled him close. He took you by surprise when he pushed you down slightly onto the couch, resting his head on your stomach and wrapping his arms around your waist.

You immediately started to play with his hair, twirling the short black strands around your fingers. You always loved to play with his hair, just loving the texture and the way it felt under your hands.

Bill relaxed against you as you messed with his hair. He always found it so comforting when you did that. The poor boy really really loved it.

So much so that he slowly started to fall asleep, his head still on your stomach as he relaxed more and more. The sensations of his hair being played with and the warmth of your body lulled him into a peaceful sleep.

"I guess practice is going to be delayed..."

[laniemae]

Gah it’s only really starting to hit me that tetro danganronpa pink will be over in 2 weeks… which means there’ll absolutely be a body discovery this Friday which I’m genuinely so nervous for. And I’ll guess I’ll have to see how it goes participating on the semi finale of tetro when I’m on a mini holiday which would be interesting, but certainly memorable.

It just feels so strange as it feels so quick yet so long since I first started watching tetro at the very beginning of chapter 1, I’ve been here for every tetro Friday and it’s gonna feel so weird not having more uploads on that day and massively speculating about what’s gonna happen and losing my mind over everything that does. Of course tetro is a really big series with lots of content to analyse but it’s just been so live it’ll feel weird having the stories of the students of pink come to an end. I’m lucky I’ve had both of my favourites of Ojima and Hiroaki live up til the very end when it felt impossible. And I’m begging on my knees these two will make it out alive and heal together, although I’m especially worried for Hiroaki this chapter. And even though I mentioned those two I still really love all the current survivors in chapter 5, it really feels like we have grown alongside them so having to lose 2 more is going to be absolutely devastating. I’m very nervous but very excited to see where this goes, with the finale being in chapter 5 which always has the iconic and amazing murder cases, and whatever this ending state may be. And if anything I hope whoever dies this chapter can go out with an unforgettable bang.

[jeonscatalyst]

Hi,

English is not my first language and I can never construct my words the way I want to or ever really stay on topic (my thoughts wander a lot) so please ignore any weirdness in this ask😬

I just wanted to say I've been thinking a lot about what has been transpiring these past few days, and I think I've finally, truly come to understand the phrase "misery loves company."

I'm not on Twitter but I can imagine that immediately after that last episode of Are You Sure, Taekookers as well as other shippers got to the usual work of twisting things and moments just to soothe their own burn & bring Jikookers down a peg from their high.

I've noticed this thing where every time Jikook have Jikooked and Jikookers celebrate it, bask in their joy, interact happily with each other, and don't talk about other shippers or bring the negativity of "what the cult is saying", and their spaces is just so jolly, clean and healthy or whatever, no toxicity whatsover.. Taekookers and others take it upon themselves to infiltrate the space and bring their misery and bitterness and what's frustrating is that they actually 100% succeed all the time. Blogs here may not show it but I swear every time the tag as just like TWO negative asks (not asks from Jikookers genuinely doubting but the usual blatantly disrespectful & distasteful asks that minimize Jimin and Jungkook's friendship or make it seem like Jungkook would choose Taehyung or anyone else over Jimin) the mood dampens significantly.

It's an energy I can literally feel (sounds cringe, I know, but it's something I've always had) the same way just spending an hour in Taekook spaces makes it clear that they have this weird combination of being somewhat secure that their ship is real & being hidden by Jikook but also being so fearful of the thought of Jimin next to Jungkook & not trusting Jungkook to act like a loyal, faithful husband towards Taehyung where Jimin is concerned. And this does not come from their words, it's just something that's there. It's as if they are sitting in anxiety just waiting for the moment JK reaches over and kisses Jimin full on the mouth, and they are dreading (and by the way, they and other shippers see moments between Jikook as romantic or at least unusual for simple friends to do, even more than Jikookers. I've seen Jikookers say it's a bromance, they act friendly because they are friends first and foremost, while the other sides cry fanservice and make entire analyses about how Bighit would have never shown AYS or any of the past moments between those two if Jikook were a real couple👀)

JIMIN more than Taekook has infested himself in the deepest parts of their minds, like a terrible disease. They even fear him for things independent from their ship; like his greatness as an individual and artist. What makes Taekookers so unique from others is that they do not only move like toxic shippers but toxic solos as well. They bash Jimin outside of things that have to do with Taekook. His artistry, his personality, his relationship with his loved ones and others closest to him. I've never seen anything like it.

Similarly, I feel a majority of Jikookers let Taekookers get inside their heads, when there's really no reason for them to, in my opinion. Jikookers would see a moment between Jikook and take it for what it is.. until a Taekooker comes to twist it; and no matter how absolutely delusional it sounds, it'll take root inside Jikookers' heads and do its work. That's the feeling I get being here for almost two years now.

Anyway, I've been seeing the mini back and forth between Jikookers and some Yoonmin-something blogger and it's been really interesting to him. It's really like clockwork that every time Jikookers are happy about moments from their ship and not bothering anyone, there will come someone from the other side trying to poke and start something, and unfortunately, they succeed every single time.

And it's not only that blogger but I've seen several from different platforms just clearly trying to start a fight (and by "starting a fight" I don't mean having a different opinion about the boys' relationships and shipping a different pair, but deliberately undermining Jikook even as a friendship & subtly suggesting that they have poor character & are extremely ambitious) and when Jikookers rightfully respond (although I really think y'all shouldn't but we do what we want) they turn things around & make it look like Jikookers are the toxic ones and then boast "lol they are so mad, oh the cognitive dissonance, they are crying because there are people who don't believe what they believe" because they somehow think they got their lick back simply because Jimin & JK did whatever they did and those who love their bond had the audacity to hype it up and believe whatever it is that they want to believe about it.

(Also saying all those things about cognitive dissonance & making it seem like "Jokers are mad for no reason" when it's extremely clear that you wrote that post to soothe your own cognitive dissonance and bring Jikookers down to your miserably emotional level, is wild. It's a diabolical tactic)

I've noticed that other shippers literally hate Jikookers for believing in a "company sold ship" and this behavior is basically them punishing you for it. They are projecting their own toxicity onto Jikookers by saying Jikookers are toxic when all Jikookers have ever done is retaliate.

"Other shippers get along well, but it's always Jikookers the problem". I think that's something they said in their post but I'm obvious paraphrasing. That part honestly made me smirk because anyone who truly tries to quiet the bias inside their minds and looks at the different shipping subsections of the fandom, what they say & how they say it, and how they interact with one another, they'd quickly realize that Jikookers are not the problem, and they'd know exactly which shippers are the problem.

"We other shippers get along well together" - Yeah, and we know exactly WHY you get along "so well". It's not rocket science, and it's certainly not because you're all so unproblematic lol. Also it's wild AF for Yoonminers to be in solidarity with Taekookers when Taekookers have dedicated their entire existence to hating Jimin and spewing the most vile things about him just because. But he's one half of the ship they supposedly love so much?? Sure.

Like please find shame. Locate it somewhere🤦‍♀️ because wow.

I wanted to say more but I forgot what and this already so unneccesarily long, but yeah, misery really loves company.

Hi anon!

First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with English, hell, you phrased your words and sentences better than I would have (English isn’t my first language either) so don’t worry at all.

I could literally kiss you right now because you have said everything and more. Taekookers have been losing it all day, since they heard Jimin say he was at Jk’s place the night before their Jeju trip and I think it stings more for them because a few hours before we got the clips, they were already talking about the possibility that taekook travelled to Jeju together without Jimin and some of them were already getting ready with their mocking boots on to start asking questions like “why did he choose to travel with this person and not his “boyfriend” "but they were shut up real quick and now they are spiraling. I’ve seen even some of the more “level headed” taekook blogs on here losing their shit today and trying to cope with the information we just got by clinging to Jimin and Jungkook saying they didn’t see much of each other before and all I could do was chuckle because nothing screams more pained than that.

Like you said, Misery loves company and right now they know jokers are on cloud 9 so seeing as they can’t be on cloud 9 as well, they try to drag us down with them and I just pity the jokers who let the cult get into their heads because how much more obvious can it be that they are bothered by Jikook? As you said, it seems like a good chunk of them do really believe that taekook is real but they still can’t shake off this feeling or fear that Jk could still do stuff with Jimin and that is why you see them jubilating every time they think Jk has acted in a typical “bro” or “friend” way with Jimin but they are back to their panic the moment they see Jk behave in a “soft” or “lovers coded” way with Jimin. They are constantly in a state of panic and confusion because one moment they see something that they believe convinces them that there is no way Jikook are a couple but then they turn around and see something else that goes against that belief so no matter how hard they try, they just can’t get Jimin off their minds. He is like that thing that constantly threatens their beliefs and they hate him for him it.

If you visit the taekook tag today, you will see all of them grasping at the tinest straws trying to make themselves feel better and one thing I noticed about taekookers on tumblr which is very different from jikookers is that, taekook blogs on tumblr get some of their highest engagement when they drag or shit talk Jikook and taekookers would claim over and over and over again that they don’t care about jokers but they never get tired of talking about jokers and jikook. Don’t believe me, go search any taekook blog and see how much more engagement they get when they talk shit abt Jikook and jikookers vs when they actually talk about their own ship. The difference is astounding while in jikook spaces or just as a blog owner myself, I notice that while jokers enjoy the occasional taekooker drag, they don’t like going on and on talking about taekook or taekookers. I delete asks I get from people responding to asks from taekookers because after talking about the cult in two or 3 post, I start seeing jikookers clearly not being interested to talk about them and asking for us to move on to topics that concern Jikook. I also get some of the lowest engagements when I talk about the cult while I get my highest engagements when we talk about Jikook being cute and in love. So while jikookers don’t care to go on talking about the cult, the cult’s favourite topic is jokers and jikook.

As for yoonminers, they are a lost cause to me. I have never ever cared about the fact that they think Yoonmin is real because anyone can think whatever they want but what I cannot stand about them is the fact that they are supposedly fans of Jimin yet they have no issues holding hands with the biggest Jimin haters in the fandom. Other than this, a yoonminer to me is just like a vminer or taejiner or Jinkooker where I think the duo is adorable and beautiful together but will never take anyone who seriously thinks they are in a romantic relationship seriously.

Anyways anon, thank you so much for your ask as you really pointed out several important points when it comes to what is actually eating these people up.

[imagionationstation]

Hiya!

If you want, you can call me Neko! Major ninja turtles fan! I adore 2012 turtles, but my interests lie with all the movies and series! I’ve basically seen them all! Have watched Mutant Mayhem and season one of Tales! Can’t wait for more!!

My favorite turtle depends on the brothers in question, but it’s usually between Raph and Donnie! My favorite sibling bond is usually Leo&Donnie, but, again, it depends! Ask whatever you like- I love chatting turtles!

DISCLAIMER: I am TERRIBLE at responding to things, but I love asks! I swear! I promise that every single one is appreciated, and I definitely intend on getting around to it!

I do a lot here nowadays, so let me fill you in!

For common tags to organize posts, check the tags below!

For a better understanding of the categories:

I’m most popular for my analyses. I tend to throw out a few rants/interpretations/descriptions on unnoticed or misunderstood aspects of turtle iterations, mainly for the 2012 gang. These guys are extremely misunderstood creatures (See what I see TMNT).

I also do Incorrect TMNT Quotes for the fandom (incorrect tmnt quotes), Tumblr Turtle story clips (ImagionationStation’s Ficlets), I make Mini Music Videos (IS TMNT MMV), post some 2012 show moments and randomly compile a full episode from a single turtle’s POV (Show Clips), and I intend to document thoughts about other shows when I have the time to watch (Turtle Comparison Notes).

I have a tag for asks (IS Asks) and a tag specifically for AUs that get dropped off in my Ask box (AU Asks). Got an AU idea that you’d like explored? As long as it’s in my comfort zone, let’s do so together!

Speaking of AUs:

Once Upon A 2012Donnie Au: Masterpost

Wendybirds AU Asks: Masterpost

Feral Raphie AU Blog Link: Intro

Mismatched Twins Blog Link: Masterpost

Other places to find me:

I’m on A03 and Wattpad!

May not keep YouTube but it exists rn!

Watching tmnt1987 over here as @1987viewer!

I share a sideblog for AUs and the like: @bringingourrealitys2life

If I see a comic scene that makes my brain explode with emotions, I’m going to want to find it again. I collect them here. Feel free to browse and see if I stumble on any that aren’t wildly popular or have yet to become so: @strictlyturtlecomics

Quick Sidenote!

I understand that the turtles have their flaws. I acknowledge that I have my flaws. I do not need you to yell these facts at me.

I reserve the right to block haters that hate for the sake of hating. If you are not willing to chat negatives without passive aggressive behavior or an open mind, I will block without hesitation.

Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful turtleful life! 💚💚

[avoidantrecovery]

at the core of my avoidance is the body <--> mind separation, this is the conclusion i have come to. simply put, a traumatic event made me dissociate and retreat into my mind/cerebral-self. there i am safe, i am queen, i can think things through, i can imagine, i can lose myself in fantasy or simply not exists as a corporeal entity. i also think it's no surprise i went from being an extremely outgoing, extroverted kid, to a quiet kid (and eventually adult) who is into computers. (more about this in another post, just know that i am an old and have been chronically online since the geocities days, since like 2001 or so).

and each time i (feel like i) have to return into my body (because we need to be in our bodies to truly be vulnerable, to bond with others, to share intimacy etc... but also in order to grow, to move past our fears etc...) it's almost like a knee-jerk reaction. anxiety shoots up, b/c last time i was in my body terrible things happened, so i avoid and retreat into my mind.

that is where the avoidance is born from. and the perfectionism, since if i am able to do it, whatever it may be, perfectly, i can avoid potential rejection, potential danger, right?? i can feel somewhat safe (for the time being) in my body and get whatever needs to be done, done. however, without perfectionism, it feels impossible. and perfection is impossible in itself, so a lot of stuff gets half done, not at all or done and i'm very unhappy with the result, even if it's a big achievement.

that is also where the self-sabotage is born. it's like perfectionism + procrastination + time. eventually, even the best opportunity dies off and disappears.

now, how do i exist in my body, without feeling danger and fear, without having to retreat into the cerebral and avoid?

over the past couple of days i've noticed that it's even simple things, replying to an email, answering a phone call, dealing with family, esp. distant family, it all forces me to be in my body and just have mini crashouts.

and limerence is also very cerebral, it's all about experiencing intense emotions while still being avoidant and not having to actually physically interact or even consider that there is another person on the other side of the equation with their own feelings and wishes etc... as described in this post.

i would even say, reading books, blog posts, reddit, etc... about trauma, cptsd, avoidance, limerence, etc... is also a way of being cerebral, of creating distance and almost looking at yourself from a third pov and analysing and thinking and trying to figure it out with your mind.

it's all just in my head (heh) but quite literally.

how to own this body and not want to run from it and not feel like it's a spaceship and i need a little escape pod to get away each time i feel unsafe??

🗣🗣THAT IS THE QUESTION

(i really struggled to put this into words, i hope it makes sense)

[artficlly]

this isn't aimed at any of your anons specifically but I don't understand why some people think it takes like 20 minutes to pop out a few thousand word fic, and then STILL be good quality and have a plot that makes sense and not have grammar mistakes. anyways, love you and your work, don't force yourself do do anything or write anything, and I hope your studying (or whatever you do aside from this) goes well!!

oh lovely, thank you!

i have about a month left of this semester so i'm swamped with assignments at the moment lol.

but yeah genuinely it takes me days and hours and going a little bit crazy to get some of these one-shots and chapters ready. it's why when i get really meaningful comments, reblogs or inbox messages it means so much to me. honestly, the best way to get me to write faster is to just be nice hahah.

i know that we're living in a culture of instant gratification, the era of short-form content and binge-watching/reading, but there is just no sustainable way for me to keep up with that. if you enjoy something, savour it, reread it, leave a comment or reblog explaining why you liked it! honestly, there is no better way to motivate a writer than to leave a well thought out response, detailing why you liked something they wrote.

like seriously if you're a follower and reading this, go leave a nice comment, reblog or ask on your favourite writer's blog/fic. they will 100% appreciate it and maybe it'll be the push they need to finish that draft they've been sitting on forever.

there are asks, comments and reblogs that i think about all the time and i regularly go back and re-read because of how much they meant to me. getting all those mini-essays analysing the recent chapters of lessons in lovemaking was so fucking special and amazing. i go back and reread them all the time and it really motivates me to keep writing. spread love, your favourite writers will thank you for it!

[scrumptiousstuffs]

As much as I love talking about how pretty First is (he's so pretty! And as far as anyone knows a total sweetheart which is even better), can we talk about how ridiculously talented he is? He just becomes his characters like sliding on a second skin, it's insane. And the microexpressions and subtle changes in his eyes...I feel like it's such an underappreciated form of acting but he does it so well I never want to stop watching him. And he just keeps getting better and better. I can't wait to see what he does with Kant. Everyone keeps saying that these characters are different from what they've done before so im so curious. And also I'm just ready to have a flirty First character on my screen again.

Well, anon - where do you want to start? I’m going to say upfront, I’m not the most eloquent writer in writing meta or analysing any actors acting capability or their characters on screen.

There are other blogs who write all these beautiful meta re: The Eclipse and Only Friends. @bird-inacage wrote many thoughtful analysis of them. Please feel free to read them. Other links: Link 1. But also, just search for “The Eclipse meta” or “Only Friends meta” and so many good commentary from various blogs will pop up. You may agree or disagree with them but I personally find it fun to read through what other people think of the series and the characters in general.

Anyway, back to your topic of the greatness of First Kanaphan as an actor. I agree with all your statements regarding his acting capabilities.

I am entranced whenever First is on screen - whether he played a suppressed queer teenager in high school or the broken, lonely banker to the gruff bar singer with the heart of gold.

His eyes are expressive and the control he has over his facial muscles…exquisite 👌. The way he shifts from one expression to another with us (the viewers) being able to tell them without that much of a change? - it’s definitely a wow everytime I see it. I mentioned previously in a different ask I find First fluid in his acting.

People will argue his character in Not Me (Yok) is the best out of his current projects. I will argue otherwise.

Yes, Yok allowed First to showcase his poweress in acting. First as Yok was able to show massive range from being loud, stubbornly opinionated, flirty (or slutty in First’s own words) etc. before we see him ultimately breakdown when he got betrayed. Definitely A-class acting 👍.

However as Akk, then Alan followed by Sand - these characters are more reserved at baseline and not as “colourful” of a character as Yok. And to some extent, these roles are more challenging (for any actors) to showcase “range” as they need to be able to internally express it without big emotive or gesture.

But the way First embodied them - with just a slight twitch of his jaw, tightness around his lips or when he allowed his eyes to darken with anger or lust (depending on the situation) - we as the viewers can always tell what the character is feeling, and that’s what make him an amazing actor to watch on screen.

And since this is my blog and I can do whatever I want, I’m putting up examples from each series post Not Me:

1) The Eclipse

When Akk first met Ayan in the teacher’s bathroom and saw Ayan’s tattoo - we (and Akk) all got distracted by Ayan’s sexy tattoo. But the quick flick of Akk’s eyes 👀 to that tattoo followed by the slight widening of his eyes and then shifting to hardening his glare while at the same time quick gulp of his throat? - all of that occurred within seconds….and I remember watching this scene thinking oh, Akk definitely has some unwanted thoughts on the new kid

Or when they were wrestling on the judo mat, and Akk pinned Ayan down - teasingly asked the latter to try and free himself. He was smiling down at Ayan but the minute Ayan slide those arms around his neck, the way his smile faded and you can see gay panic in those eyes….

They are of course so many more examples including Akk mini-conversation with his mom at night when he hesitantly tried to explain the pressure he was under at school but ultimately chickened out cause he didn’t want to burden him mom (and you could see this written all over his face).

2) Moonlight Chicken

There was a previous ask, where that anon said he found Alan the most pathetic character out of all of First’s projects. And I will again reiterate here, with the limited amount of screen time he had, First sparkled whenever he came on screen.

The way you can tell his frustration over his destroyed relationship while trying to cling on it cause he just doesn’t know what he did wrong for Wen was painful for us viewers to watch. And I don’t know about you, my heart breaks for him when he broke down after Wen finally screamed at him that he only slept with Alan cause he felt sorry for him - you can again see the flick/shift from anger in Alan’s face to shock disbelief and humiliation when Wen said that to him. You could see the self-loathing in his face after Wen left the living room. And as he silently cried on the floor of their apartment, I cried with him.

Or when Alan finally had his talk with Wen at the bbq restaurant, you could read the quiet resignation in Alan’s face as Wen finally break it off for good by sliding his promise ring back to him.

3. Only Friends

Even from the first episode, when he brought Ray back to his apartment - after Ray puked his guts out and as Ray snuggled on Sand’s shoulder - you could read the half amusement, half exasperation on his face while they both just sat on that bathroom floor.

Or when Ray finally got his chance with Mew, and Sand saw them dancing in the club. We see the wistful, sad boba eyes of his. And when Ray confronted him outside the bar, that cracked in his voice as he told Ray “you and I were never friends.” - yeah, my heart again breaks for him.

Or how about the angry-lust driven kiss in that music room (before Top interrupted them). You could see the mixture of anger, almost despair in Sand eyes, the tightness in his jaw and you could see the tremble in his lips. But even with all that, us as viewers clocked on how much he loves Ray (Ray knows that too…hence why he pounced and kiss Sand)

Plus when Sand confronted Top at the hospital - the narrowed eyes, the low, even tone of his voice where you know he is just barely holding on to his temper

I can go on and on…but I’ll stop here.

Anyway, like you, I’m looking forward to seeing more of him as Kant - I have no doubt we will see him nail it as a flirt (or as First keeps insisting, sugar daddy?). However, I’m also looking forward to see his interactions with Babe, Style and Fadel cause I’m sure we will be blessed with more masterclass in microexpression!

[chibivesicle]

Kekkai Sensen - mini meta B3P spoilers ahead

Because, I don't have the time to do as many in depth analyses as I once did, but still like to.

Kekkai Sensen - Beat 3 Peat finally gets us to Klaus' backstory/fang hunter origin. Just like Nightow to wait until oh, 16 years into a manga to explain something.

We first got the introduction of the additional Reinherz siblings, Gabriel, Ignatz and Rebecca who converged on HL to fight a part of the count who turned Klaus into what he is today. This allowed for the info dump from Zed to Leo that most fang hunters survived blood breed attacks and didn't become ghouls nor blood breeds thus able to fight them.

I'd been waiting for all of the chapters to drop so I could look at them at once and really get my feel for it.

In Bloody Thursday part 1, we meet a twelve-year-old Klaus as adorable as we'd expect and friends with another kid named Edgar. Edgar has some outdated fashion sense with suspenders instead of a belt and a relaxed vibe. A clear altercation with some Slavic blood breeds, who go as far as implying that Edgar is even his boyfriend, leaves Klaus shook and incredibly upset. When Diana and Klaus interact with the blood breeds they are scared but Edgar coldly looks at them unimpressed.

Later at their hang out spot in the woods Edgar tries to get him to cheer up. However, Edgar's words aren't those of another young teen, they serve as direct foreshadowing with the highly specific 'from here on' and that the 'impact' of the day's event will lessen over time. That closing line that he thinks Klaus behaved the right way and the endorsement that it means more than anything to Edgar implies how critical this was.

Sure those Slavic blood breeds are obviously bad, but you immediately get the sense that something is off with Edgar.

Soon after this incident, the boys enter their hideout (which just happens to be the lair of the blood breeds). Bloodline gate bats separate the two of them after Klaus hears Diana's scream. He enters the lair to find her killed and being eaten by the trio. Klaus cries out in horror, is terribly wounded losing all of his limbs.

In the darkness Edgar appears and finds Klaus in a giant ziplock bag (for freshness, I guess) and he takes Klaus back to their tent. There he tells him it is the end of the line for him unless he let's Edgar help him him. Klaus appears to be somewhat are and when Edgar asks if he'd like to avenge Diana's death, he leans in really close to hear what that reply is. Based on Edgar's reply, it seems Klaus agreed to it.

The chapter ends with Edgar tearing up while bearing his fangs telling Klaus they will walk the road together and he'll be there for him. All of this clearly indicates that Edgar wants Klaus to be with him. Edgar clearly respects Klaus but also wants his friendship.

Bloody Thursday part 2 - or how to almost make Klaus a Blood Breed! The manga doesn't waste time as Edgar sinks his teeth into Klaus' neck to do the usual vampire thing.

Edgar than talks to Klaus describing what is happening to his body as he transforms. And why did Edgar go to all this work to set up this horrible event for Klaus. Because he's lonely and wants another blood breed [boy]friend! He didn't just choose him from a hat, he got to know Klaus over the period of several years and determined that he was worth of being next to him.

Of course this isn't without risk to Klaus, so he makes it clear if this doesn't work out and Klaus isn't the person he thinks he is - well its over.

With all the disappearances, Lucky Abrams appears again with Magdalena. We learn that the fog is directly related to a powerful blood breed and they are continuing to investigate on their own. I love to note that Magdalena continues to sport heels, indicating that one can choose whatever style of shoe for blood freeze techniques.

Meanwhile, Edgar continues to push Klaus to evolve, referring back to the levels indicated in the original KKSS one shot, where level 13 is the point of no return. We learn that Edgar has pushed the incredibly buff Klaus to level 12. At the same time, Edgar has trapped the three other blood breeds in the bunker having recalled the Bloodline gate bats.

Edgar only opens the door to let Klaus in who quickly demolishes the henchmen and Vladimir is able to escape with Klaus in hot pursuit. The Reinherz family rush to the woods, Vlad realizes the fog has lifted before he and Klaus get frozen by Magdalena, with her thorns of absolute zero. Another botanical attack from her on the books as well.

Klaus was able to break free of her ice and he kills Vladimir easily. Klaus is completely confused and his family quickly surrounds him as Edgar comes out from the shadows, requesting they hand him over. The family look confused and Edgar tells them to get more information from the fang hunters near by.

They are unwilling to let go, so Edgar tries to suck them all in with Klaus so that they can facilitate the completion of the last step in the ritual to get Klaus to level 13 as he observes Klaus' tears falling on the grass. Klaus finally gets up and embraces Edgar in a hug. It appears that Edgar may be blushing? as he then presses off the ground.

With all the force he can summon, Klaus leaps into the air while hugging Edgar into the opening of the giant cross. Klaus is crying while he pushes them into the mouth of the opening while Edgar goes from a calm expression to a soft smile. Was he expecting Klaus to do this? Is he relieved Klaus is trying to push them in together to save his family?

A tooth impales Edgar's head and the entire structure collapses. It seems like he's fine with this happening. Everyone is released and the chapter ends with Abrams report. Edgar was not just some Blood Breed, he was one of the Elder 13, Count Mobius Zoa El-Linkal. Seriously, can these old blood breeds not have such complicated names?

And the chapter ends calling for full support for poor Klaus, a twelve-year-old now in a level 12 form and still human.

First impressions from these past few chapters.

1.) Klaus got the 'Wolfwood' treatment having a strange advanced aging technique used on him, but instead of aging him more quickly it more was about refining his form to become a full blood breed. I was never a fan of that aspect of Trigun Maximum, it sort of soured things for me since Wolfwood gave off snippets of wisdom that didn't fit his final age. At least Klaus now is super tough and very hard to kill [shurgs]. This does align with the original one shot with the blood breed marks and leveling system.

2.) Edgar/Count Mobius is a very lonely guy. Seriously. Trying to understand the rationale and existence that he's been living for thousands upon thousands of years. He's been looking for a companion who can share his experiences. To think that he went to the effort to put himself in orbit of Klaus, get to know him since he was seven and then also move undetected in the presence of others is impressive. With both of them crying during the course of the events did Klaus and Edgar love each other?

It makes me wonder how many other times he'd tried to make a new friend and it failed or if he'd known he would need to find the right person who would understand him?

Now, should you be doing this to a twelve-year-old who cannot consent to the full intent? No, that would be bad. But then again if you are an almost immortal being who doesn't value humans as a whole and really have been craving someone to be your equal, it wouldn't be that hard to rationalize your actions easily.

Additionally, it doesn't seem like he's upset when Klaus cries as he pushes him down into the spiky teeth. It could be read that Edgar/Count would accept someone like Klaus finally killing him, releasing him of his thousands of years of possible suffering?

He likely found a way to lure the low level blood breeds to the area when he'd decided he wanted Klaus and watched things play out as he expected. He lead Klaus to be close to them, and knew that they'd likely take an interest in Diana. The fog and all the strange distortions in the forest were in response to what he was doing to Klaus. When Vladimir notices the fog has lifted he knows he's in trouble since all of it was done by someone more powerful than him, including the summoning of the Bloodline gate leaving them trapped.

What is still unclear is how involved the Reinherz family is in the overall fang hunter scheme. I'd assumed that his family was always involved in them but their father was the one who pulled them away from it. But if they were a family that were involved it would mean they had the possibility to become fang hunters. They clearly did not know Blitz or Magdalena when called out in the moment.

Does this mean Steven met Klaus after this incident? He'd be sixteen at the youngest, since he's four years older than Klaus. I'd always assumed they met when they were younger, but maybe not if Edgar was one of his few friends? I have so many questions! I need more answers.

[just-a-little-unionoid]

I don't really understand why some people seems to think that Ivo's dead ?

he's so alive, like, I know there is still a small probability that Jim Carrey decides not to return for whatever reason and that's why they keep killing him just in case but also, god damn it he was supposedly killed by a black hole and if I know one thing about wacky sci-fi is that more often than not black holes are space-time portals

like no I don't think Shadow specifically tried to save him like it's good enough he was able to save himself, he had something else to think about, but uuuuuuh big ring of Chaos energy spinning very fast? like? idk all the portals we saw so far in this franchise are rings spinning really fast so like what I'm saying if if the next movie tells me "Chaos energy spinning fast makes a portal" I won't be mad about it, like, yeah why not

plus like, again, black hole

and I know for sure it's a black hole because 1) it literally makes a quasar (or well something that looks like it, quasars are much, much bigger but it's an artistic intention come on the objective isn't to be realistic but to convey the idea that this is a black hole) 2) they introduced a mini black hole device in the first part of the movie which is so over the top and it would make no sense narratively to introduce such a random thing if not to use it later

point 2. leads me to ask you to remember how Team Sonic escaped this first mini black hole btw

and I mean, they introduced Metal like he was a terminator and Sonic CD and all so there might be space-time travels y'know like they're kinda hinting at it a lot so I think all that could connect

I mean I've been wrong before when I tried to analyse/predict fiction but y'know it just seems probable to me

[abigail]

what would you recommend to someone displeased with their wardrobe?

hiii okay, this is gonna be a long one

firstly i’d recommend going through your wardrobe and sorting things out into categories of things you never wear (get rid of btw), things you sometimes wear, and things you wear often - from this you can see what you have in your wardrobe that you’re the most comfortable with and things you own that you already like

i would then look online at whatever social site you’d rather - pinterest, tumblr, ig - and look at the fashion you like on there.. like being on tumblr and following (? i assume lmao) my blog, i’m going to guess you like/rb a lot of fashion/style posts. okay so collect all of your favourite photos together, in a tag or a pinterest board or a saved board on ig whichever you’re using, and with them all together, and with the clothes you already own that you’ve categorised as ones you wear/wish to wear more often, hopefully you’ll notice some similarities

basically, you’re now going to be looking at all these photos of the style you like and what you want your wardrobe to be more like and you’re going to analyse them, not just look at and think ‘oh so pretty’.. so okay, look through it all and see if there’s anything similar with them, colours, sleeve/skirt/trouser/whatever length, fabrics, silhouettes, certain accessories, certain ways they’re styled etc etc etc. like if there’s a bunch of trousers then okay, what kind of trousers? cargos, capris, flares, jeans - if so what style, etc. if there’s skirts what kind of skirts ? leather micro minis or long flowy white prairie skirts orrrr ?? look for the patterns to figure out what you want your wardrobe to be

if there’s a lot of different styles then that’s fine, i have a lot of clothes that are probably very different styles to each other.. to start though if i was you, i’d look at what i already own and wear a lot (aka things i like and i’m comfortable wearing) and then see if there’s anything there and within the ‘dream wardrobe’ that could work together .. like if you have cargos for example (just because i mentioned them earlier) and you wear them often, and love them and they’re in your saved inspo photos, then look what those people in the photos are styling them with and see if you’d feel comfortable wearing something similar to that.. then look for things similar… probably looking up online, secondhand maybe, is best doing that if you’re looking for something in particular, which brings me to my next point;

also learn the names of things.. like learn the name of the style sleeve you like on a blouse or the fabrics you like the most etc etc. this will make looking for things soooo much easier.. because you can look up on ebay/vinted/depop/whatever and be soooo specific with your search and likely get some things you’re looking for (eg, don’t just search ‘white blouse’ add more detail, add the sleeve style you want or if you want a certain type of collar style etc etc).

with that being said though, don’t expect to instantly find everything you want, be realistic and be picky. if you’re looking for a certain item and you don’t find it the first search then okay, look for it another day or even set up alerts for when things are listed with the description you’re after (again, helps if you’re more specific). and ! if you find something and it’s kinda what you’re after but not quite, but you reaaaalllly want what you’re after, don’t buy it. because then you’ll eventually find what you’re after, but then you’ll own the thing you want and the thing you only sort of wanted y’know?

obviously if you’ve been looking for the longest time and you can’t quite find the right thing then fair enough.. just be mindful of what you’re buying though, like if it’s not the exact item you’re looking for and still plan to buy the perfect item if you come across it, will you still wear the not perfect item a lot until you do find it? like is it worth it basically..

oh and see if there’s any brands/designers/whatever you keep finding yourself liking the most.. like if you keep seeing photos of people in this one exact item or whatever and you want it, look into where it’s from and see if you like anything else from that brand. i’ve done this many times where ill see someone in a cute top or whatever and then nosy at where they got it, then, sometimes i’ll like the other items the store sell and yay ! i’ve just found a new store i like and can check out again in the future

anyway. you sent me this a few days ago and i was trying to find the right way to word all of this before replying. unsure if i even did that, like.. does any of this make sense? but yeah, i hope this helped in some kind of way for you.. good luck!

take care ♡

[endereies]

FUCK IT - MATT STURNIOLO - PART 6

Spotify Playlist:

Pairing: Matt x Oc

Contains: Growing up with parents who make her feel isolated, what happens when she meets Matt. A person who introduces her to new people, new experiences and new feelings.

Requested?: no

Author's notes: I'm finally finished with school for the break so I should be updating a little quicker over the next 2 weeks.

Word Count: 3265

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

“Is this something we are meant to do?”

“Fuck it.”

“Okay, so, we submit this on Monday and we still have four scenes to analyse and then two exam questions to go through.” Matt mumbles as he places his back down next to me in the library and unsheathes a load of sheets, more are crumpled than ones that aren’t. The amount of them excelling the more meetings we had after school.

“We can get that done in a weekend, right?” My voice tainted with uncertainty. I had got to the library fifteen minutes before him so all my work was already displayed out in front of me with scribbles of different coloured pen one each of them.

“right.”

We were a little bit behind in our project since the majority of our meetups end in us just talking about random things or playing music with our home equipment. I would borrow Chris’s old guitars which was covered in a metallic red with black strings. The picks he bought matched perfectly dividing the red and black shades with lines of silver. Matt’s drumkit was similar to the school’s own designs yet on the base drum was the name ‘sturniolo’ in a faded midnight blue. Each drum fastened with the same blue wrapped around them. He had custom drum sticks too, fading from the original beige wood to a dyed neon-blue. The vibrancy capturing my attention every time, I bet he knew that to with the amount he’d smirk at me when he noticed me staring.

It's why we planned on staying in the library to finish the project, hopefully none of us get distracted. That’s if Matt stopped tapping his pen on the table.

“Matt.” My tone is stern as I frown still facing the pages of my book. He was too distracted in his ‘mini-concert’ that I grabbed his wrist firmly, which made his pen fall out his hand and onto the wooden desk below him.

He stammers a little as I glare at him and raise an eyebrow at him.

“The fuck did I do?”

“If you keep tapping that fucking pen on the desk, I will snap it in half.” I hold eye contact until I’m finished speaking and I let go of his wrist, watching his circulation fade back.

“And yet, you can do it all the time.” He smirks at me again and I retort by scoffing.

“When I’m in class and have nothing to do…you haven’t written anything for 10 minutes.”

“Normally by now we are playing music at our houses, this is a long ass day and this is only making it longer.” A sigh escapes my lips and I drop my pen, lean back for a moment and fold my arms loosely across my chest.

“Okay. If you work with me until six, I’ll buy you lunch all of next week.”

“Ain’t no way, you aren’t serious.”

“And you can get whatever you wish, no matter the cost, doesn’t even have to the food on campus.” I interject him by cutting him off and leaning closer over the table.

“Fine. Deal.” He holds out his hand in front of me and I look up at him with a blank expression.

“What are we, in 6th grade? I’m not shaking your hand.” I roll my eyes to him to just pick up my pen and start writing again.

“Damn, you’re no fun.”

“No…I just happened to hit puberty.” I click my tongue inside my mouth

I feel his glare on me before he continues to work on the papers in front of him. I take out my small white case and take out one of my headphones and pick up my phone to play some music in to them. I don’t bother checking what playlist I click on and immediately blast heavy dubstep into my ears, loud enough to make Matt pay attention to me again and giggle when I jump from the volume. I spam the volume control and turn it down rapidly until I can tolerate it. Matt immediately looks away from me, trying not to laugh when I hold my gaze on him for a few seconds.

-

“Is it nearly six, Alyia. My hand is fucking cramping up.” Matt whines for the fourth time in ten minutes.

“Like I said two minutes ago, no. Besides you have yet to finish of that question and it’s been nearly thirty minutes.”

“I don’t understand how you’ve been writing for that long without taking a break.”

“I want to get this finished; I don’t exactly want all this effort to go down the drain. I’ve stayed up too many nights for this.”

“Really…?” His voice filled with concern as his smirk and joke-filled demeanour faded quickly.

“What.”

“I would’ve done more of you asked me to…you didn’t have to stay up for any of it.” I interject him before he can continue

“Matt. I have more time than you, the project’s getting done. Does it really matter?” I look up to him, dropping my pen for the first time in a while.

“Of course it matters, you need sleep Alyia.”

“I also need this project done.” He sighs and rolls his eyes at me, returning the glares I’ve been giving him all night.

“Promise me you’ll relax after the project is due and let me finish off the last two questions.”

“You really like your promises, huh?” My page fills the silence as it crumples, getting caught on itself, making me purse my lips as I try to fix it before continuing to write.

“Alyia.” He grabs the pen out my hand and places it far from my reach and I narrow my eyes at him again. “I mean that, let me handle the rest of it and get some rest. Please.” I raise my eyebrow at him.

“I’ll sleep appropriately, fine, but I’m writing the last question. You can happily take the other one if you so desire.”

“Thank you. I’m not having your sleep decrease because you don’t want to ask for help.” His words make me raise my voice at him.

“What do you mean by that.”

“I don’t recall me stuttering. You have been sacrificing your sleep because you didn’t want to ask me to do a little more work.” He leans in to me, as if he is mocking me and I scoff.

“Not true.” My words mumble, subconsciously knowing he is right.

“Whatever, look it has gone six now, c’mon. We can work on this later on.” He shuffles papers together and stuffs them into his bag, lacking organisation which makes me stare at his back with a slightly shocked expression.

I follow his actions, however, and with a heavy sigh I put all my work in a pile, putting the sheets in between two books to keep them straight.

“You want to hang out later or something?” He slings his backpack over his shoulder and looks back at me.

“Hang out, me and you somewhere. I would recommend my place but Nick is there with Chris and Madi.”

“I know a place we could go if you want? I haven’t been there in a while so I don’t know how overgrown it is.”

“Wait wait. Did you say overgrown, what kind of fucking place is this.” Matt waits for me to catch-up to him and I walk slightly faster so he doesn’t have to wait so long.

“Amery Grove? There is a line of old houses at the back that people kind of forgot about, maybe like twenty years ago? I’m not sure.” Matt gaze falls to me as I start to ramble, simply listening to my words.

“Well, anyway, about two years ago a few of my friends and I decided to fix a few of them up during the summer. We didn’t decorate or anything but we cleaned old furniture and threw out what we didn’t need. While it wasn’t the prettiest, we hung out there a lot.”

“So, you just went to abandoned buildings and fixed them?” He keeps walking and opens doors in front of me as I keep talking. When he does, I quickly walk through them and turn to face Matt, proceeding to talk with my hands.

“Yeah, it was fun, even if our skills were mediocre, it made for good hangouts and a few parties.”

“You go to parties?” He gives me a side eye and I roll my eyes in response.

“Not as much anymore, I went when I had more friends to talk to and less schoolwork on my back. Maybe at some point…”

-

“Cmon you are slow” I drag out my words and groan as I get more excited, wanting to jump up and down to reduce the amount of energy but instead I shake my hands around.

“Jesus Alyia, I’m just putting our bags in here, I’m not carrying all of this across the Grove.” He arranges the bags in the back seats like some real-life game of Tetris. After another minute or so he finally shuts the car door and locks it.

“Okay I’m done, let’s go.” He puts his keys back by his belt and returns to my side.

“I haven’t been here in a while, so no promises on how clean it’ll be.”

“I’m sure it’s fine.” He smiles at me briefly before focusing on walking through some reasonably tall grass.

The trail I normally use is more overgrown than what I used to walk through so as we walk, we use old trees to climb past different areas and our feet to stamp on brambles and stinging nettles. It is pitch-black outside by this point so we are using our phone’s flashlights to guide our way through the trail. Leaves hang down from nearby trees and I start to wish I brought my jacket with me.

I place my feet onto a tree stump and try to climb over a fallen branch, but when my weight switches feet, I slip on some moss and fall backwards from the stump. My phone drops from my hand and the flashlight goes into my eyes, making me close them. I place my hands back to support myself for when I hit the floor but I never do. Instead, a tight grip snakes around to the side my waist and upper back, slowly pushing my body back to stand straight.

“Woah woah, are you alright…” I open my eyes to see Matt looking down at me with concerned eyes. I can barely make it out since he dropped his phone and its flashlight instantly to catch me. His chain dangles above my face and once I stand up properly, he uses one of his hands to push his hair back, keeping the other on my waist.

“Uh huh…” I regain my focus and brush myself off and pick up our phones from the damp grass. “Thanks”

“Of course,” He takes his phone back, brushing off the debris, continuing to walk ahead of me and over the branch I just slipped on. “You need to be more careful, sweetheart.”

It’s that fucking nickname again.

-

“Here we are!” I run ahead of Matt and smile bright at the few houses on a quiet lit up street.

“Its still the same…” I smile to myself, remembering how I used to run around here.

“Yeah? I think it looks fucking awesome.” He circles around me looking at the few houses, clearly seeing a difference between the ones I fixed up and the ones I left.

“Really?”

“Really. Y’know…maybe one day we could fix one up?” I turn my head a little too quickly to face him, who was already smiling at me.

“You wanna? Like, for real?” He simply nods to me before walking off to look at one of the houses closest to us.

I run to catch up to him again and I grab his wrist to show him inside one of the houses. The inside walls occasionally spotted with carvings of names and dates, ripping through worn out wallpaper. Unfinished projects left abandoned, mostly within the kitchen. I pick up an old and now rusted hammer and spin it around in my hands, recalling the last use of it going towards a leg of an old chair that lay on its side next to it. A bittersweet smile covers my face the more I venture the house, with Matt always following right behind, dragging his fingers across old cabinets and cupboards.

“you guys did so much work in here…” He picks up old projects that remain unfinished and analyze them one by one, awe showing within his eyes. “Why did you ever stop this?”

“We stopped being as close I guess...nothing personal to one another, just different schools and points in our lives. I still have contact but no one really talks as much anymore.” I quiet my voice and sit down on one of the chairs and put down the hammer.

“None of us ever took that personally, we just drifted. Miss it all like hell though.”

Matt stays quiet for a moment, just looking at me with slight pity.

“That’s a shame, especially since nothing even happened that you could’ve changed.” The distance between us closes as I stand up again but I simply keep walking towards the bottom of the stairs before I slowly walk up them.

Matt pov:

I follow her up the stairs, stepping where she did in case any areas are weak enough to break, but once I put that focus into the decor upstairs, I stand still. The upstairs was so much nicer, covered in intact wallpaper and furniture that made it seem like someone actually lived there. More carvings were decorating the walls and less tools were on the floors. I take in more of what’s around me, admiring the hard work.

Hearing the stories about her old friends make me smile but also makes me wonder why she is more closed off to people now.

We start to wonder around the different areas that she decorated and I admire the craftsmanship and efforts they put in to it.

“We can chill up here if you want?” Alyia points to a balcony that is guarded by a wooden fence, a few old chairs are stacked up and leant against the glass door and I walk through.

“Can I ask why you took me here, not that I hate it or anything. Just…if this place reminds you of your friends, why bring me here.” Alyia’s face falters slightly and I feel bad for bringing them up.

“This place has many memories but I feel stuck whenever I come here, and I love this place. I don’t want to come back here and feel self-pity when I see those carvings on the walls.”

“I meant it by the way.”

“Meant what Matt?” I look up at her before looking over the edge and down onto the weakly lit street.

“Fixing a place up with you, could be fun.” I smile at her before looking back over the edge and laying my arms on the wooden fence, trying not to apply a lot of weight onto it.

“I have no idea if any of the lighting still works properly, a few faulty lights here and there but nothing major enough to set anything up properl-“

“So? We have already walked through here in the dark easily enough, besides we don’t have to come here only at night.”

I turn back to look inside the house but my vision is slightly impaired from looking at the street lights too long. I change my point of view and glance down to my phone to check the time.

9:24pm

“Shit, it’s kind of late, do you parents want you back at a certain time?” I message Chris and Nick an apology after seeing the copious number of texts and missed calls.

“Uhm no, I can be back whenever” She trails off and I remember the phone call she had at my place.

“Oh…is she not home again?” I receive a small nod in return.

“You can stay over if you want to?”

“No, it’s okay I have things to do anyway…” She avoids eye-contact with me but I try not to question anything

“Alright then, should we head back, I’m being attacked by Nick so much” I see her smile as I finish speaking and just stands up and starts to walk back to the stairs.

-

“Just here, okay?” I turn the wheel and look through my window for any parking on the edge of the road.

“Yeah, this is perfect, thanks again” She thanks me for the millionth time tonight.

“Kid, I’ve already said it’s okay to drive you places.” I finish parking which makes the car tilt slightly as it reaches over the curb.

“Goodnight Matt.”

“Yeah, goodnight.”

The drive back to my place was quite bleak, even when I turned aux on, none of the songs fit the mood I was in. Whatever that mood was. I just focused on the road ahead and the way the lights shone through my windshield and lit up areas in my car like a mini disco. I sigh when I hit another red light and pull the cable from my phone and I resort to the radio music. It immediately blares and I turn it down quickly to a volume quiet enough for some background audio.

I should hate you – Gracie Abrams

It was already half way through the song but I let it play none-the-less, letting the calm guitar fill the car. The quiet and soft vocals relaxed me and I was able to take a deep breath that didn’t result from frustration.

I notice the song fading out just as I pull into the road that I live on so I turn the radio off completely as to not ruin my mood, but as soon as I step inside it gets dampened anyway.

“Oh my God, Matt. Where were you!” I drop my keys into a small bowl and I instantly get bombarded by Nick’s concerned voice.

“Out.”

“Out? Is that all you have to say. You said you were revising the project until six and then you would be home. It is nearly half ten and this is the first we have heard from you!” he starts to exclaim and honestly, I can’t blame him for the way he is acting

“I went somewhere with Alyia…that’s all. I guess we lost track of time.” I mumble quietly, knowing I’m in the wrong but I’m not going to apologize for having a good time.

“I’m not saying you can’t hang out with people, just let us know, okay? It could be three am for all I care but as long as I have some form of communication. You had us worried…” Nick takes a deep breath and looks down to the floor.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve said something…Where is Chris?” I try and change the subject to lessen the amount I get yelled at.

“He’s asleep upstairs, he wanted to wait for you but he was exhausted after hockey so I refused to let him.”

I look up to Nick and give him a tight-lipped smile, feeling guilt twinge inside briefly.

“You better go have a shower or something, you’re covered in dirt, Matt.”

“Yeah, I will…sorry again.” Nick simply hugs me tight.

“It’s alright, just don’t let me stay up again.” He punches my arm lightly and we smile at each other.

© ENDEREIES 2024

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