#mostly just talking to myself
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Oh, some thoughts on the first episode of the new season of which I must scream into the void with!!!
(Warning: disorganized rambling and spoilers for Thunderbolt Fantasy S4 E1)
Such a serious tone from the get-go! Shang Bu Huan, as self sacrificial as ever, parting ways with Juan Can Yun in order to stowe away somewhere safe to protect the sword index. Thus, also leads to a parting with my dear favorite character Lin Xue Ya; who will no longer be following SBH as he is now too boring to consider a worthwhile target.
Hohoho, I cannot help but think LXY's parting is a farce. I feel like he's scheming something and I am ever so delighted to find out what. Also, did LXY always have that massive crystal flower over his left shoulder, or have I just blindly never noticed before...?
Hmmm hmmm hmmm, and SBH also mentioned he never knew his parents.... are we getting... actual backstory on him? I feel like the show so far has hinted a lot but his origins are still vague.
Oh, and back to the demon realm again. Some shocking revelations there I suppose. Granted, it's no shock how hierarchical the demon realm is, but to my suprise, Xing Hai, was/ is a lower class demon? Hmm hmm hmm, and now the lower classes of the demon realm have to worship the demon gods to not get killed. A fate previously carried out by humans before the war. How curious.
Oh cool! The mad scientist dude is back, and is pairing off with the Order of the Divine Swarm... and then, enters the best characters of the season. I already love this buff hornet lady and the pretty boy spider spy. Their battle gave me life. I love the fights in this show so much! I'm looking forward to their character development... and the hornet lady had such a sick... soliloquy? Not sure what the word is for the little character poems, but I've always loved them and was a bit sad how few there seemed to be in S3.
Back to the demon realm. Really, gonna force Lang Wu Yao into his demon side.... and, hmmm, Ling Ya had some interesting comments here, being LWY's demon side so he could just continue living as a human... gonna think on that one. Also, lol, the new opening has LWY's demon form flash in towards the end.
I am so psyched to see this show continuing!!!! I am going to be so normal about it. As normal as Luo Zhen Jie is about his sword girlfriend.
Cheers <3
#thunderbolt fantasy#thunderbolt fantasy season 4#screaming into the abyss#mostly just talking to myself#episode 1#spoilers
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again, all the more reason to not only go see this film but be LOUD about it!! go see it a second time, grab your friends or partner or family, spread the word because you are making a difference and your efforts are being realized!
#genuinely i'm not doing all a' this yapping just to blow hot air and hear myself talk! well mostly anyway#the day the earth blew up#tdtebu
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I keep saying I'm trying to get back to normal, which for me is having one horrible depressive day every 2 weeks, then back to ignoring everything until the 2 weeks are up again
I think my depressive episode lasted around 2 and a half months,, it's the most pain I've felt in a while, at least in the sense that it wouldn't stop; if I didn't have a distraction, it'd be overwhelming and terrifying.
Right now it's mostly fading back to "normal", but still I'm left feeling pretty hopeless and lost,, this put a lot of my issues on the spotlight for me and I'm not sure how to proceed, I don't know where to start or what to do.
#delete later#I ASSUME the episode is over because I can mostly function again; I think.#Do I even bring up loneliness again. I isolated myself pretty hard these past 2 months#Im trying so hard to push against myself giving up. I wanna give up so bad. I need to Not do that#(not 'giving up' as in killing myself; it does feel like thts the only thing i Can do; but im trying so hard to not think like this because#it terrifies me; i dont want to be there#I mean giving up as in: 'stop bothering to try because I'll just fail anyways'; yknow?#I wanna believe I can do Something.; that there Can be times where I dont fail; where i can be proud of how far ive come; or whatever#thinking these things still is so painful. i hope someday it wont feel like a punishment to fantasize like this#sorry for posting this; by the way. i wanna feel like im talking to someone
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does anyone else ever feel like they never Fit In fandom spaces like. sure i create stuff SOMETIMES but i feel like such an outsider in the fandom and idk why asdkfsakdf

#this might be because i dont really create stuff much#i just kind of hop in eveyr now and then and post#mayb if i actually wrote more fics and drew more art i'd feel more...involved...idk#LOL idk#i want to have more friends in the ml fandom but i am just. so so bad at talking to people#and i am not in any discord servers besides the one i made myself#mostly bc i dont know where to find them#also bc im afraid ppl just think I'm weird or annoying or off-putting sjfsjdfs#it's the tism#text post
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Because the fandom seems to be in "fanmade shadowpeach baby" mindset, and Ive been writing my fanmade baby for my aus.
I shall present Yall, Sān Yân Mihou, Or Sun Xīngxí <- There will be a divorce court level fitgh for the name.
[Sān Yân Mihou, if my chinise dictionary is right, means 3-eyed Macaque, Wukong hates the name, Macaque loves it. Anyways...]
#lmk graves au#I debated showing the whole drawing but it will spoil to much of the au#not like I talk about it#but it just so happens I listened to tlt pj musical and 👀....#Who woupd think 6 songs work perfectly with my au....#So now Im writing again#will have to resign myself to ppstong the Mac & bai he parts first cuz thats what ks mostly done#but anyways#lmk graves!au#my beloved#my art#lmk oc san yan#lmk sun wukong#lmk shadowpeach#shadowpeach#lesbian shadowpeach#lmk oc sun xinyi#sun wukong#lego monkei kid
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hey ur allowed to write a ton and then not write for a while. ur allowed to read a lot and then not read for a while. ur allowed to do neither or both those things at the same time. interests and hobbies are allowed to come and fade! ur not supposed to be super duper into one thing forever! give urself the space to put something down to pick something else up, or to pick multiple things up and drop a thing or two in the process :) not doing a thing doesn't mean u dont love it anymore, it just means that ur doing another thing that might inspire you to do more of the original thing once you come back to it! be kind to urselves! muah!
#🌧 raindrops#this is mostly me talking to myself LMFAO im currently in my “reading phase” as opposed to my “writing phase” which#just means that im inhaling books as opposed to slamming out writing like a machine#i'm an extremist at heart i fear theres no in between either im doing 1 thing at 110% or im not doing it at all#i never learned moderation as a child and now here the fuck we are#anyway i finally read my dark vanessa and PHEW thats.... one hell of a read lemme tell you#lots of dark themes in there but it was a good book in the end :)
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Hear me out. I know it's unlikely that Ratio would ever have been foolish enough to directly get taken in by a scam, but considering that we know:
One of the groups specifically tricked by Kakavasha before he joined the IPC was the Intelligentsia Guild
What he tricked them about was Tayzzyronth's Swarm remnants, the exact same thing we see Ratio investigating in his very first appearance in the game, and
The researchers were described as "extremely cautious"
I am surprised that "Ratio was at least somehow connected to the Intelligentsia Guild team fooled by Kakavasha before he was ever even a Stoneheart" isn't more popular with the Ratio and Aventurine fandom.
Like imagine being Dr. Ratio. You tell your colleagues, "This seems like a scam. Are you sure you should trust this 'local guide' you've made contact with? Tell me about him. A picture? Does this even look like an Egyhazan native to you? I won't save you fools from making idiotic decisions." (You end up having to clean up the aftermath of their idiotic decisions anyway. There is sand in places on your body you didn't even know existed before this. How mortifying for the Guild. For you, by association.)
Then, next thing you know, you get a mission briefing slid across your desk from your IPC connections. They want you to work with their new Stoneheart. You open the packet to see... that little bastard with the enthralling eyes who had your moronic colleagues scrambling in the dirt on a backwater planet for months. Apparently he's made a career out of fooling you your supposedly competent guildmates.
You run off to confront him. You never met him personally back then, but you deserve compensation for the idiocy you were subjected to nonetheless. He deserves to know how much of a pain in the ass he's been in your life already without ever having met your eyes--
He proceeds to shove a gun into your hands and tries to make you an accomplice to a suicide. Apparently, this is normal behavior for the man now called Aventurine. Somehow, it's supposed to prove to you that he is a sane and reliable individual.
Absolutely nothing in your life has been normal since Egyhazo.
You would like to have mundane problems, sometimes.
How do you keep ending up in this beautiful manic clever conman's orbit, and why, like binary stars, can you not escape the gravitational pull?
#honkai star rail#aventurine#dr. ratio#dr. ratio x aventurine#ratiorine#aventio#golden ratio#there's too many ship names I don't even know anymore#I just kind of love the idea#of Ratio having H I S T O R Y with Aventurine#before Penacony even goes down#and like#he's salty about it#but Aventurine has so many bigger issues in his life#the people involved on Egyhazo don't even really register#so he's like 'Another guy who dislikes me on principle'#'Fine I can handle this'#meanwhile Ratio is over here comparing their lives to quantum entanglement or something equally nerd-yearning#Ratio: Like mutualist symbiotes I continue to find myself inextricably mired in your schemes#Aventurine: Honestly I have no idea what you're talking about but feel free to keep going#also I'm aware that Ratio was mostly interested in Ruan Mei's ability to create a faux emanator#and not the Swarm itself or anything#but shush#let me have this
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today was a wrist rest day but i still wanted to make something so i decided to actually make a full 3d model!! its even rigged!! (except for the legs but shhhhhh) he even has multiple expressions!! YIPPEE!!!
[image description: multiple views of a 3d model of strong bad from homestar runner where he is depicted with top surgery scars. the first image is an animated turnaround of the model. the second is of him talking casually with lidded eyes, the third is of him laughing with a mischievous expression, and the third is of him with squinted eyes in excitement. end id]
#im very very proud of myself :o]#FINALLY!! a MOSTLY FUNCTIONING MODEL#i finally learned how textures work... thank the lird#if you notice in the turnaround his mouth is neutral#but somehow in the other expressions it looks like hes smiling and thats very cute#proud just the curvature of his head but it wasnt on purpose#doc talks#my art#homestar runner#hsr#h*r#strong bad
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OK what even is happening with the Crows
I’ve just been trawling through the wiki and World of Thedas for a few hours trying to figure out what we (a) know, (b) can guess, (c) can speculate wildly about the inner workings of the Crows during the Dragon age.
(I am by no means an expert on the lore so please let me know where I have wildly missed the mark).
I'm definitely not trying to propose any kind of fanon consensus, where's the fun in that?! Just trying to figure out a timeline that makes sense to me. Possibly also toying around with a pre-canon Rookanis fic.
Loooong and probably insanely disorganised text post under the cut. I should have been in bed hours ago but I am hyperfixating on this and will not sleep until I hit post.
Spoilers, so many spoilers below: Veilguard, Tevinter Nights, The Silent Grove, Origins, Awakenings, the entire franchise basically.
So, a speculative timeline. Events in black are fairly or very well supported by the lore; events in blue are inconsistent/uncertain in the lore; events in purple are guesses that I can sort of back up; events in red are me throwing a dartboard at the wall.
Note: The wiki puts the events of "Eight Little Talons" in 9:44 Dragon, but I can't find any source for that. I would have guessed a little later, but let's roll with 9:44.
Also, I'm pretty unclear on the guildmaster/grandmaster distinction. I'm just going to say 'head of house' for whoever is in charge of a Crow house, or Talon if they're head of one of the eight Talon Houses.
Blessed Age
8:70 Blessed - Caterina born (she's described as well into her 70s during Eight Little Talons and as around 80 in the data-mined character descriptions for Veilguard, so give or take a couple years this seems right).
9:00 to 9:29 Dragon: House Arainai Shenanigans
9:00 Dragon - Antivan civil war, beginning of the "much maligned" Three Queens era (Codex, History of Kirkwall - Chapter 4). Unclear exactly what happens or over what period of time, but seems like the Crows would be in the thick of things.
9:05 - 9:10 - Caterina maybe reaches Talon status (not First, though). Around 8:98 Blessed would be the absolute earliest she could get there given Teia's holds the record (youngest Talon at 28). But I think Teia was at least three or four years younger than any previous Talon so I'd put it somewhere around here, if not a few years later.
9:12 Dragon - Zevran, aged 7, is purchased from a Rialto brothel by House Arainai. The House is led by First Talon Talav Arainai and described as rolling in coin after the "Three Brides" contract - they purchase 17 other slaves that year, including Taliesen (World of Thedas, vol 2, p. 96). I think based purely on vibes that House Arainai is fairly secure in First Talon position and has been there at least a couple years, probably longer.
9:15ish Dragon - Teia born (she's described as 28 in the data-mined descriptions, but she's already a Talon in 'Eight Little Talons', which says she was the youngest ever to reach the rank at age 28. I'm assuming she got there a year or two before the events of the story. See 9:17.
9:16 Dragon - whoops, sometime over the last four years it all went to shit for Talav Arainai! The House dropped to Second Talon, and he was executed in 9:16 after trying to take back the seat of First. Isadora Arainai takes over, and the House hangs on as Second Talon... for now. Rinna joins House Arainai and immediately works well with Zevran and Taliesen under the mentorship of Eoman Arainai (World of Thedas, vol 2, p. 96). This would be the earliest that Caterina could reach First Talon, but I'm not sure I'd put it this early. I think the latest she could possible reach First would be 9:25ish based on my guesses about House Velardo (see below).
9:17 Dragon - Lucanis born (described as 36 in the data-mined character descriptions. I know I threw out those descriptions for Teia, but I think we can be pretty certain Lucanis is mid thirties).
9:17 Dragon - Teia born. I was going back through Eight Little Talons and my initial read was wrong. Teia is 28 during the events of the story.
9:24 Dragon - House Arainai, having the sort of shitty luck they absolutely deserve, falls entirely out of the rank of Talons when Second Talon Isadora dies. They wallow amongst the cuchillos (minor houses) for a few years (World of Thedas, vol 2, p. 96).
9:22 - 9:27 - House Velardo attempts to usurp First Talon from House Dellamorte? The resulting war kills all of Caterina's children and grandchildren, save Lucanis and Illario. My reasoning here is this: Lucanis says he and Illario would have ended up with Caterina to train, but being orphaned sent them to her younger than anticipated. Zevran was purchased at age 7, so we know Crow training, at least for House Arainai slaves, begins very young. Perhaps the non-slave children of influential house leaders start later, but I would guess not much. So I'm assuming they end up with Caterina sometime between ages 5 and 10?
9:25 Dragon - King Maric is thought lost at sea, but is in reality being held by Third Talon Claudio Valisti in a Crow prison on behalf of a Tevinter Magister, Aurielion Titus.
Side note: I had the same reaction to finding out the Crows have a super-fun torture prison as I did to finding out Weisshaupt has dungeons. Just... why? That feels like mission creep? Does the assassin skill set at all overlap with the prison guard skill set?
9:26 - 9:28 - Eoman takes over as head of House Arainai. He eliminates House Ferragani, which was Eighth Talon, thus clearing the way for Arainai to claw its way back into power. Unfortunately, he needs the support of Third Talon Claudio Valisti to take over the position. Valisti wants Rinna Arainai dead (cult / royal bastard reasons) and Eoman tricks Zevran and Taliesen, her lovers, into doing it. This was a very stupid decision (WoT vol 2, p. 96).
9:30 to 9:43 Dragon: Zevran's Revenge
9:30 Dragon - Zevran, depressed and angry about Rinna's death, bids for the contract on the Warden's life. House Arainai is said to have accepted this contract because they believed Loghain to be the best person to defeat the blight (WoT vol 2, p. 96).
Side note: This sort of, if you squint, reconciles the contract on the Warden's life in 9:30 with the memento found in Veilguard that says the Crows had treaties with the Wardens to fight the "next blight". But also they tried to kill the Warden-Commander in Awakenings, too. I guess one could argue a new blight was unlikely so soon but like. Come on, guys. Is your word to the Wardens worth anything or not?
9:31 - 9:34 - If Zevran survived, he comes back from Ferelden with a spring in his step and murder in his heart (and possibly a Warden on his arm) and wreaks absolute havoc on House Arainai. Eoman is first to go, then like half a dozen more of their top people. The House loses Eighth Talon and falls once more into obscurity. The Crows call Zevran (or an unnamed assassin if Zevran is dead) the "Black Shadow" and speculate that he has allies among the cuchillos (WoT vol 2, p. 96).
9:34 - 9:43 - Where the fuck is Zevran?
9:37 Dragon - Corypheus is freed (Legacy DLC). The Venatori will start to be a thing in the next few years, so Lucanis is going to pick up his nickname between now and, say 9:50 Dragon. I'd put it between 9:45 and 9:49 because of vibes (and because he talks about not immediately specialising in mages. Crows get started very young, but I dunno. I see him starting on mages in his mid twenties because, again, vibes.)
9:38 - 9:40 - Events of The Silent Grove (comic - I haven't read it in a while but I'm throwing it in here for complete-ish-ness). Alistair, Varric and Isabela break into the Crow archive and Velabanchel prison (which side note is a totally heinous operation). Isabela kills Claudio Valisti (Third Talon passes to Ezio Valisti). This, for me, raises the question again: Where the fuck is Zevran (sob). Valisti was implicated in Rinna's death, so either Zevran never found out or he couldn't get to Valisti while he was cleaning house.
9:44 Dragon - Ongoing: We're Entering Our Freedom-Fighter Era
9:44 Dragon - The events of 'Eight Little Talons'. Briefly: Caterina calls all the Talons together to plan for the imminent invasion of the Antaam, but a whole bunch of murder happens. Turns out that Fourth Talon Emil Kortez made deal with the Antaam and was trying to wipe out the Crows' leadership. He was killed by the survivors and Viago suggests--correctly, I think--that Caterina will wipe out the whole house.
The following Talons are killed but it seems like their houses will probably retain their status, with somebody else taking over as Talon:
Dante Balazar, Second
Lera Valisti, Third
Giuli Arainai, Eighth (having only just managed to lift that fucking house back up to Talonship, shame lol)
In addition to Caterina, Viago, and Teia, Sixth Talon Nero Bolivar survives, but he um, isn't much help. I would guess that Caterina, in a pretty strong alliance with Viago and Teia and with all the other Talons being new, might fuck his shit up and try to get someone more solid in before the Antaam invade?
9:44 - ongoing - WHERE THE FUCK IS ZEVRAN???? He can't have taken control of any of the eight Talon houses, because he's not at the summit in 'Eight Little Talons'-- and however much he damaged House Arainai, they've clawed back some power by 9:44. Is there a breakaway faction of cuchillo houses that Caterina won't even dignify with an acknowledgment? Is he not interested in any kind of Crow power and is just fucking shit up for them - we can assume House Valisti has had a lock on Third Talon since at least 9:28 (Claudio or Ezio Valisti pop up periodically in this position), and my guess is House de Riva have held Fifth a decent period of time, but as far as I can tell we know nothing about Second, Fourth, Sixth and Seventh Talon Houses in this period. So maybe Zev is toppling houses left, right and centre? Seems like that sort of instability might have changed Caterina's approach in 'Eight Little Talons', though...
9:51 - Lucanis imprisoned in the Ossuary.
9:51 - Antaam invasion of Antiva, starting with Treviso. The Antaam rebellion begins in 9:44 and is ongoing; the failure of Kortez in 9:44 delayed the invasion somewhat. I wouldn't have thought it would delay it this much, but I'm pretty sure that it happened while Lucanis was imprisoned, right? So since we free him in 9:52 after a year in the Ossuary, the invasion must have been delayed until 9:51? Maybe very late 9:50?
"Conclusions"
(I haven't read the comics in a bit and I know there's some Crow stuff that goes down in there beyond the Silent Grove... but as best I recall its just Teia and Viago running into Varric and Harding, and some stuff setting up Solas and the Antaam. Please let me know if I'm mistaken!)
I think it's safe to say the Crows are in chaos for pretty much the entire first half of the Dragon age: Arainai are causing chaos from 9:16 to 9:25, then they pass the torch to Velardo, whose war against House Dellamorte must have lasted a few years if it wiped out almost all of Caterina's family. Zevran is on a murder spree at least between 9:31 and 9:34, and possibly (much) longer depending on your headcanon.
After, at very best, a decade's peace, 9:44 sees the plot to wipe out the Crow leadership, which fails but does kill half the Talons and lead to the elimination of at least one, maybe two of the Talon Houses. Half a decade after that the Antaam invades.
I've been completely on board with the critiques of Veilguard's portrayal of the Crows, but I think writing it all out like this has helped me reconcile things a little bit? This is a deeply chaotic network of feuding families, and no single Talon is going to have the secure political power to make sweeping changes. Which isn't to say the child abuse that was definitely still occuring in Houses Dellamorte and de Riva during Rook and Lucanis' childhoods is just fine. But it makes more sense to me now that Houses Dellamorte, de Riva and Cantori could have wildly different ideas about slavery and torture prisons than, say Houses Arainai and Valisti--and have extremely limited power to shift the culture of competing Houses. Even the First Talon's position is deeply precarious.
Whew. Good night!
(Just realised as I was tagging that I haven't slotted The Wigmaker Job in anywhere. I thiiiiink Viago mentions in 'Eight Little Talons' that Lucanis is currently in Tevinter for a job, maybe a sly reference to Wigmaker? But I cannot possibly get sucked in any deeper, my dog is losing her entire mind at me STILL being at the computer.)
***
Waking up and editing to add: At some point in her time as a Talon (probably First but I guess maybe not?), Caterina wiped out another house so completely that Teia doesn't even recognise the name, Gaspari, when Viago mentions it in 'Eight Little Talons'. Given House Velardo was the one that made a play for First Talon, this is a whole 'nother big intra-Crows conflict that slots in somewhere on this timeline. Caterina is ruthless, y'all.
***
Editing again a few days later to report that I was flicking through WoT and spotted a WHOLE-ASS ENTRY on Claudio Valisti that I’d managed to miss. I was… not happy. I’m begging you BioWare, no more information. I cannot reconcile it.
Anyway. World of Thedas, vol 2, p 44, has Claudio Valisti taking over from his father as Eighth Talon in 9:34, quickly getting the house to Sixth Talon and appearing to be going places. This appears to contradict p. 96 of the same, which has a Third Talon Claudio Valisti helping House Arainai in 9:28, as described above.
I thought very carefully about tearing the page out, burning it, and forgetting I ever knew this particular piece of lore.
Instead I have decided fuck it, we have a father-son pair here. Senior helped out Arainai in 9:28. His house later fell to Eighth (in my incredibly unwieldy and underdeveloped headcanon this is partly because helping Arainai really pissed off Caterina). Claudio Senior dies in 9:34, Claudio Junior inherits. By the time Junior dies to Isabela in 9:38-40 he’s got the house properly back on track, so the loss of a leader doesn’t destabilise them too badly.
Ezio Valisti is Third Talon in 9:41, according to the Winter Palace announcer in Inquisition, and the house still holds the third seat in 9:44.
(Also edited Teia’s birth year from 9:15 to 9:17; I misread Eight Little Talons. She’s 28 during the events of the story.)
#dragon age veilguard#dragon age#lucanis dellamorte#caterina dellamorte#antivan crows#zevran arainai#dav spoilers#veilguard critical#just a smidge and mostly I'm talking myself out of the negativity#dragon age lore
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My goobers... aughh my goobers how I missed them
#Deltarune#sweet cap'n cakes#deltarune sweet#deltarune cap'n#Deltarune k_k#sweet capn cakes#Clemont_ine#Also just me reminding myself how to draw them LMAO#Sweet my beloved I love it so much oh my fucking GODDDDD#hey chat can you tell who my favourite is. I say as I look at the sweet I'm sketching while writing these tags.#JSNDJNDJENSKENEJD#I remember it having buttons on its hat I didn't realise it didn't??? But I added them back alongside some other outfit details#Like cap having a scarf. I just love scarves so much man#K_K HAVING PIANO TROUSERS#I always drew their trousers like that. Like since the game came out#The other two have changed since my first drawings mostly cause I was absolute dogshit at drawing robots in 2021 LMAO#and was also like. Uhh.. tweeeellllveee???? Twelve perhaps? Thirteen? Idk-#I'm rambling imma vet back to drawing m lil guy#Eeehehehe#GOD FUCK LET ME TALK TO SWEET PLEASE PLEASE#I LOVE SEEING ITS LIL SUIT BUT GOD DAMN LET ME TALK COME ONNNNNNNN
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shh i'm posting no one tell my professors or the projects im involved in
#art out the oven#hermitcraft#mumbo jumbo#bdubs#bdoubleo100#today nerfed me so my brain could not do ANYTHING and then i had to try and talk to a 12 year old lmao. (it was mostly roblox)#shout out to that 12 year old you're cool i promise I just don't have a life#anyway yeah i managed to give myself some more enrichment with art rather than watching even more of beef's nnk playthrough#default CSP pencil and mechanical pencil 👍#I need to start and finish writing a research paper in four days
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JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS (2020) // JULIE E OS FANTASMAS (2011) 1.01 - Wake Up // 1.01 - Enfrentando Fantasmas -> Julie meets the Band.
#julie and the phantoms#julie e os fantasmas#jatp#mine#mine:gif#storytime: when i was in middle school i found myself to be obsessed with julie e os fantasmas (jeof)#and by watching it i have learned some words in portoguese which - later in my life - i have always wanted to learn better#besides that - in middle school i used to wear julie's iconic side ponytail !! i was THE biggest jeof fan like EVER#i used to watch it with my little sister and i would pretend i had some ghosts friends as well - popping out of my stereo (lol)#so... flash forward to 2020. i can't recall HOW i found out about jatp... it's just that i have heard of it and i was like hold on...#does this have to do anything with jeof? so i was super intrigued and watched the pilot and YES!! a brand new up-to-date remake#of my favorite tv show as a kid LIKE WOW. and idk i thought it was somehow underground as the og one ... saw NO ONE talking about it online#until up recently when i got back on tumblr (actually 2 years ago) and i saw there was this LIVELY community of people appreaciating this#show AS MUCH as i was appreciating the og as a youngster.#goes without saying that it was so surprising to me and it healed parts of me that i didn't think needed to be healed. wow. just wow.#i have never posted content for these two bad boys#mostly bcs i was salty that jatp was canceled (ugh) until now!! i hope you enjoyyyyy#ALSO i remember as a kid i was watching jeof on tv right? but i had missed some episodes so i remember LMAO going online and there was this#website (like a random person's own website) that was hosting all of the episodes. my very first experience with streaming series online
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shoutout to aromantic people who have a complex relationship with their aromanticism
I used to be the most simple, explainable 'version' of aro. I didn't have any interest in relationships, never experienced anything close to a crush, and just felt very detached from romance in general
this hasn't been the case recently and losing the assurance I had from how simply I was able to identify with that label has been pretty lame, and trying to communicate any of the complexities of my experience has been pretty awful
so yeah shoutout to aro people who's experience with aromanticism isn't easily explainable. shoutout to aro people who've experienced romantic attraction. shoutout to aro people who don't know if they've experienced romantic attraction. shoutout to aro people who are interested in romantic relationships. and shoutout to aroallo people, generally
we deal with too much bullshit actually
#I'm mostly just talking to myself here but I've been Contemplating this lately#aromantic#aroallo#non sam aro#greyromantic#grayromantic#cupioromantic#arospec
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asking in advance of an unforeseen future date but because I did hit a couple of follower milestones and I like ocs, reblog this post w an OC ref and I might draw em¹ ! following me isn't required I won't check because I don't care
unusual species, pre or non-op trans characters, mobility aids and visible disabilities² and fat characters encouraged since I don't see them as much! but anything from anyone is welcome
¹ this is a non binding agreement and I am currently still dead on the pavement, so the if and when are a little up in the air
² invisible disabilities also welcome but due to their nature they have no noticeable difference in the creation of visual art. because they aren't visible. love em tho keep making characters with em. mvp
#my footnotes got long so they can readmore#because i love talking to myself#mostly atm im just bored out of my MIND from rhis much bedrest. interact with me#not art
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talk more about the white whale/whale symbolism in general whatever thoughts you have on the whale stuff i want to hear it 👂
GRAHHHHH YEAH (This one got. Long (again lol) So be prepared (series-wide spoilers but I feel like that's a given atp))
First of all I just wanna say that I love how rgg drags the player along around the final chapter title. With how upfront the other chapter titles are in what they're referring to, you might end up wondering why they chose White Whale for the final chapter title once you see the title card (or at least I did). Of course, this could just be referring to the treasure that everyone's been looking for, but with how nonchalantly they react to the fact that the treasure isn't actually there, it doesn't seem to completely fit the bill.
But then you beat the game (and by this I mean beat the final boss) and lo and behold, there's an Actual white whale, and so you think "Oh! Duh, the chapter's called White Whale because there's a literal white whale and it pretty much just finished off the final boss!" But that still doesn't make that much sense. Why name the final chapter (arguably the most important one) after some whale that appears in the last like 15 minutes of the game? Like, take the final chapter name of (Kiryu) Gaiden, it's literally the name of the game (The Man Who Erased His Name) so it's gotta be something more significant than that, right? (But then of course take into the account that by this point the player is still convinced that nothing really in pyih is too deep/serious, so maybe it could just be something as simple as that).
Then you get to the credits, and they reveal that the "elixir"/the ambergris is found in the stomachs of whales. Damn, that's pretty crazy/cool, but once again, nobody that was actively seeking the treasure (Rodriguez, Jason/Noah, Spade Tucker, etc you know the drill) seems to hung up on the fact that they didn't find it, and they didn't even encounter the whale, so they wouldn't get that same sense that they just missed it either, again, it's not a big deal really, so why make that the final chapter title?
Of course, we all know what this builds up to: the big reveal, the fact that Majima, who we've been following along with this entire game, was looking for that elixir this entire time, was the only one to actually encounter a whale in the game, and then there's the insane line drop from Saejima.
"Kiryu Kazuma. You never could give up on that one."
Ironically, the final chapter title has nothing to do with that whale you saw earlier at all, rather it's a summary of what Majima's motivations/actions for this game, and the past. Almost every game, has meant for him. It's what Saejima spells out for us at the end of the game, but said in even fewer words.
An all-consuming obsession that only leads to your destruction. An impossibility, something that you can destroy yourself over but never achieve/obtain. This is what the white whale means, metaphorically. And it is this, exactly, that Kiryu is to Majima.
Kiryu is larger than life itself, to just about everyone. He's a legend, he's the one Majima has had his sights on since the very beginning, the legend he chases after game after game and also what he destroys himself over game after game.
(see:
Yakuza 1 -> Majima just straight up taking a full-on stab wound for Kiryu. Like, buddy, I literally saw one of my favorite characters die that way in another game, there was No guarantee you were surviving that.
Yakuza 2 -> Majima fights off an army of yakuza for Kiryu. That man was beat to total Shit (which is Not something that happens often) and we all saw it
Yakuza 3 -> Majima re-enters the Tojo Clan for Kiryu even though he is (extremely likely) aware that it is already entering its steady decline that we see throughout the rest of the series up until its dissolution. And while he's willing to do it for Kiryu, we can't exactly say that he's happy about the situation as a whole.
Yakuza 5 -> Majima's willingness to die for Haruka, specifically stated because "She means more to Kiryu-chan than life itself." Like, of course he wouldn't just let Haruka get killed, but to choose to mention Kiryu as part of his reasoning in that moment? Christ
While I (surprisingly) can't say anything particularly self-destructive happened in (Kiryu) Gaiden and Infinite Wealth, you could argue that Majima trying to more and more directly tell Kiryu not to leave ("No need to rush outta here yet... Alright?" -> "Don't leave! Don't you dare leave, Kiryu-chan!"), knowing that it's likely pointless, knowing Kiryu, is not doing himself any favors.
Pirate Yakuza -> *gestures at the entire game*
Also his reaction to encountering that giant squid ("Sure is a helluva way to die. I think I'm into it!"). Like, okay. I don't want to try and read too much into it because it was very likely just a one off line. But I'm still gonna side-eye it.
Honestly now that I think about it, if Majima Had died fighting that giant squid (that is such a way to begin a sentence thank you rgg), you could argue that that would've been his nail in the coffin for the white whale metaphor. If he had, it would've meant that his obsession for Kiryu is what got him dragged down into the literal depths of the ocean, and even if it wouldn't be Kiryu physically dragging Majima down like the white whale to Ahab, this is a situation that is completely, entirely, fueled by Majima's obsession towards him (Majima had no real interest in the nuclear waste cleanup project, after all, Kiryu was his one motivation this entire time), and it would've drowned him.
Guess that means he got real lucky with the last part, but we all know he sure as hell isn't beating the allegations.)
All this and yet Majima seems to fail to reaching Kiryu time and time again.
Majima does not obtain the Heart of the Dragon, found in the intestines of the literal whale. He does not obtain eternal life for Kiryu. And he (arguably, though the final scene of him walking to Kiryu's hospital room could oppose this) does not resolve the indefinite limbo that has been sitting between them throughout the entire series. What he gets at the end of the game is the acknowledgement (through Saejima, everybody thank him) that he has been obsessing over this, and perhaps the realization that Kiryu was, in fact, this white whale that he would never truly reach ("Well, still just a dream in the end.") Of course this is something he already knows/has acknowledged deep down, and it's a feeling that is hinted at in some of his dialogue in scattered moments, but this is the first time he ever says it in such an outright manner.
I guess in a way, you could say that Pirate Yakuza is a story about the newfound success of all the people Majima helped and supported in achieving their dreams, and the continued failure of Majima in pursuing his own (Kiryu), and him needing to acknowledge/accept that. And the post-credits begs the question of what he decides to do with the aftermath and what he has left. (An oversimplification definitely but still. augh. Augh)
Naming the final chapter White Whale was yet another crazy move on rgg's part. Its so unassuming, seemingly straightforward yet also seemingly insignificant, but once the realization dawns on you it slaps you right in the face, just like everything else about this game does. It's yet another instance of how rgg managed to pull its big reveal so well, with all the small details, all the reframing, all pointing back to the same topic that it had spent the entire rest of the game dancing around.
Majima recounting his story of how he went to Hawaii -> Majima recounts his story to Kiryu in the exact same way at the very end
The treasure everyone's been looking for/known about + Majima, the one guy who didn't have knowledge about any of this legend stuff prior? -> Wrong, he was after the treasure from the very start (before the amnesia at least). For Kiryu
Majima originally being on course for Hawaii so he could help with the nuclear waste cleanup even though he'd be bored as hell? -> Nah. For Kiryu (Ohhhhh you know what this is reminding me of some screenshots I took from near the beginning of the game)



(I'm sure this meant nothing of course. Lol. Lmao)
Majima's dream during pirate yakuza being to fulfill Other People's dreams -> Haha. Well, I think you get the point by now
Kiryu, Kiryu, Kiryu. It all goes back to Kiryu, every single time, without fail, in an obsessive loop that Majima has been dragging himself around over for Years. He is the white whale, seemingly untouchable, the constant object of Majima's attention and devotion in so many forms, his consistent weak point, that only seems to dig at him deeper as the games go on.
Like I said before, while the white whale metaphor is undeniable, and essentially spells doom for Majima, it's not over for him yet. Because, hey, he didn't drown at sea, or die on the beach. He was saved, and he's survived enough to retell that tale and reflect on it all with Saejima in the post-credits, brief as that reflection was. I mentioned before how he really only said one line of any actual substance during that specific part of the exchange, but the significance of it says so much.
"Well, still just a dream in the end"
As much as it hurts to here Majima address the hopelessness of it all, to hear him say something like that after Saejima basically just laid out his sheer devotion and refusal to give up on his dream for everyone to see, I think the bittersweetness is. Good, actually. Captain Ahab never gave up on that pursuit on the white whale, and it destroyed him; that whale dragged him down until he finally drowned, and it feels like all Majima has been doing over Kiryu since Yakuza 3 is drowning himself in him.
Don't get me wrong, I (for now at least) do not take that line as a complete admittance of defeat, or Majima finally giving up on Kiryu, on that dream he could never let go of. (Like I've been saying, it's an acknowledgement, not exactly a declaration.) I do not think it means he is just letting go, full-stop.
But I do hope it means he can stop himself from self-destructing completely. I hope it means that he can slow down with the wild chase, (and that he and Kiryu can just. Sit down and talk like fucking normal people. Which i guess they are doing in the post-credits, supposedly) and I hope it means that he won't drown completely, especially in the case of the worst possible scenario.
#asks#yakuza#pirate yakuza spoilers#pirate yakuza in hawaii#like a dragon pirate yakuza in hawaii#majima goro#kazumaji#rgg#okay confession time i'm saying all this but i've never actually read the moby dick novel myself :skull: maybe it's time to change that#i think this is my favorite ask answer i've written. i think it comfortably covers all the bases of my thoughts on the ending#that i've been scattering throughout like 6 different posts all week. I think this is me finally gathering all my thoughts#after all that processing. God i hate them so much it's so doomed it's like not even funny#I still remember when they were mostly just silly and things were fine and I could laugh at Majima's shenaniganary#then I played y3 and have been miserable ever since (<- enjoying it)#kenzan was probably their best shot at something good and normal and mutually beneficial but we are Long past those days#so here we are </33 never thought i'd see the day where i'd think of whales and associate them with kazumaji of all things but Shit Happens#sorry this was just supposed to be me talking about whale symbolism but it blew up into like a whole Thing. So it goes LOL#bro what were they EATING the day they wrote this i Need to know. and also can i have some#certified yap sessions
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hear me out: you, me, dennis, and god all know he looks good in lingerie, but maybe he's a little bit unsure what mac "the problem is you're into all that early 80s glam rock femme shit; definitely had masc4masc in his grindr profile" mcdonald will think of it
#macdennis#macdennis fanart#still probably ooc but i don't care lol#this was mostly just an early bday/christmas present to myself but hopefully you can enjoy it as well~#the time for lingerie dennis has finally come#the softest i've drawn them so far lol#the headcanon is that dennis just springs shit that he wants on mac instead of talking about it#that way if it backfires he can blame it all on mac being an idiot#but not this time reynolds------#i have a very confident victoria torturing mac comic in the works to make up for this don't worry#rob can pry mac calling him “den” out of my cold dead little paws#machinegoods#suggestive
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