#my beloved rocket turtle...

[whoatherebigguy]

New ref sheet for my rocket turtle!

Complete with extra art and updated lore:

I’m not sure if it’s clear [or even relevant tbh], but Cyclogenesis is mostly based on the English versions/dubs of the films. I mention that because Gamera’s primary title for the majority of her life is “The Invincible”, instead of Giant Monster, Friend of the Children or even Guardian of the Universe. I like the idea of the turtle having to earn the right to be called those and I’ve always kinda disliked the idea of a character being predestined to be good/evil etc etc.

Okay mini lore/backstory time:

The consciousness that would become Gamera was originally a semi-sentient defence system for Atlantis, its primary purpose was monitoring their borders and managing the flow of power for weaponry. Atlantis believed they were under near constant threat from various giant monsters, other civilizations, and now their own failed invasion force: The Gyaos. They developed a prototype for a countermeasure, one that due to its mechanical and inorganic nature, the Gyaos could not feed from. This countermeasure took the form of 10s of thousands of tiny machines that could [theoretically] stitch themselves into the ideal form to combat any attacking force. This would obviously require an absurd amount of power and the Atlanteans chose to use one of their older designs for a nuclear reactor core. In an attempt to make sure their new creation would be suited at its job of defending them, they implemented the artificial intelligent that ran their defence system. This culminated in Gamera and led to the destruction of Atlantis at the hands of it's most recent creation. Although, the Fall of Atlantis is often attributed to the Gyaos instead.

I wanted to reference the original movie and really lean into the idea of Gamera as an originally destructive monster that, through combat with other giants, realized it was capable of protecting as well. It does take her a bit of time and distance to realize this though and Gamera is still frequently in conflict with her own programming, having to actively choose to do “heroic” things.

As for the “Friend to the Children” title, it’s perhaps not as specific to her as it is in the Showa incarnation of the character. Cyclogenesis Gamera is more of a "Friend to Those who Feel Powerless".

Although theoretically possible, Gamera doesn’t speak to humans as she’s learned that it’s better to convey things through gesture. She often exaggerates dramatic poses and does little actions/dances during combat, specifically to entertain onlookers and make them less afraid. She knows she can’t appear cute and non-threatening so she tries really hard to look “cool” because she doesn’t want people to be scared of her.

Gamera's closest [and only, lmao] ally is a prototype Gyaos that she bumped into halfway across the galaxy during her self-imposed exile.

bonus art of the turtle being used as a perch by said Gyaos, bc they are pals :]

hopefully ill have more to show/post about these giant goofs soon..

[frosteaart]

it's time for more Doe! and this time we're making it double!

[Note: this version of leo uses she/her pronouns, goes by Doe and was created by @sad-leon ]

[saline-coelacanth]

I'm gonna try to articulate myself when it comes to explaining why I love Zeke so much because I just wanna scream about him but that's gonna take a long time. This post is probably gonna be pretty long. Also spoilers for Xenoblade 2. I'm gonna kinda explain this in a way that you can understand without knowing about the game, but there will probably still be some things I don't fully explain because doing so would take a lot of time.

Some of my favorite types of characters are the ones that are considered comic relief, but they still have more depth to them than that. They're written as actual characters instead of the one who needs to be funny all the time. And Zeke may just be the best version of that type of character I have ever seen.

When Zeke is first introduced in Chapter 3, he is not taken seriously, like at all. He shows up to fight the party and is completely baffled by the fact that the party does not know who he is. How have they never heard of the mighty Zeke von Genbu? The Bringer of Chaos! Mostly known as Zeke, and also addressed as the Zekenator! (Yes, he does call himself the Bringer of Chaos as well as the Zekenator, he is very silly)

So yeah, you fight this guy (as well as his blade/partner Pandoria, but she doesn't do much in this first encounter, in fact she doesn't even speak) and then after you beat him, he tries to show off with his super cool badass sick as fuck special move; Ultimate Lightning Fury Slash! Which by the way, did I mention he has a big ass lightning sword? Because he has a big ass lightning sword which is awesome, I love him.

But yeah, he uses his cool move, but instead of looking cool, he accidentally causes the cliff that he's currently standing on to collapse, making himself and Pandoria fall off the cliff screaming. The party then just moves on from this.

And yeah, that is the first impression you get of Zeke. He is introduced as this silly, sort of antagonistic guy who you shouldn't take too seriously. And the second time you encounter him goes about the same, except this time Pandoria actually speaks! And she just kinda sasses Zeke for the most part. (I love Pandoria so much btw, this post is mainly focused on Zeke but Pandoria is also great)

The other main difference is that Zeke does not cause a cliff to collapse underneath him this time! No, instead he uses the exact same move as last time, except this one causes a giant boulder to fall and start rolling towards him and Pandoria. They try to run, but end up just getting blasted away by the boulder Team Rocket style.

Also yeah, Zeke and Pandoria are SO Team Rocket coded. They even have a Meowth in the form of Turturs, their beloved mascot who is a tiny turtle. I didn't mention him before, but he is shown in the first encounter with Zeke.

So now we get to the third time you encounter Zeke, which you know, starts about the same with the party just kinda going "Not this guy again..." However, you also have a newer party member who wasn't with you the first two times, that being Morag. And Morag, she actually does recognize who Zeke is and decides to sit this fight out. So the rest of the party get ready for another simple fight against Zeke, only for Zeke to singlehandedly knock them all onto the ground in one speedy move, which leaves them all genuinely shocked at the power he has. Morag then reveals that yeah, Zeke actually is kind of a big deal. He's the most powerful driver from his kingdom, and ALSO the prince of that kingdom! Yeah, this goofy ass guy is royalty.

And yeah, you fight Zeke again. After defeating him, Zeke still kinda has the antagonistic persona up, asking to see the Aegis' true power, to which Rex says that that power is only used for bad guys. Zeke laughs it off, and from here he drops the act and starts acting genuinely friendly towards the party, although his personality remains the same. He is still a silly guy who is very much a show off.

Pandoria also explains to us that Zeke has TERRIBLE luck, which explains the whole falling off a cliff and getting chased by a boulder. Zeke tries to argue this, but then accidentally falls into the cloud sea below, basically proving Pandoria's point. She's also very nonchalant about Zeke falling. The rest of the party is concerned about him, she she's just like "Nah, he'll be fine."

Oh yeah, also forgot to mention that the whole reason for Zeke following the party was because he was sent to retrieve them by Praetor Amalthus. (He's an important character but I don't have time to get into everything with him) And now is the part of the story where the party actually goes to Indol to see Amalthus. This happens in chapter 5 and Zeke first appeared in chapter 3. So yeah, it took Zeke quite a while to actually get the job done.

There's a bit of story stuff that happens, and then Zeke officially joins the party! Which is also a great time to mention that from what my sister has told me, Zeke is the best party member of the game, and the only big downside to him is that he's a show off and his animations take a long time because of it. I love him so much.

Anyway, a bit more plot stuff happens, and we actually get to see Zeke being serious. Like, genuinely serious. No jokes, nothing like that, he is treated as an important character just like the rest of them, which as I've established, I LOVE when silly characters are able to be serious when the scene calls for it.

Not to get into a mini rant, but often it feels like comic relief characters are either still cracking jokes even when the situation is serious and joking would take away from it, or they are simply given nothing to do. The writers don't want them to interrupt the serious moment, so they just have them do nothing. And let me tell you, Zeke does not have either of those problems. He is silly when he needs to be and serious when he needs to be. Zeke is also one of, if not the most emotionally intelligent person in the party. He says a lot of deep stuff and has a really interesting view on the world and people as a whole. But I'm getting ahead of myself, let's get back to things.

So the first thing you do when Zeke joins the party is go to Temperantia and have a big boss fight there. But after that, we kinda get to dig into Zeke's backstory and plot more. We have to go to Tantal, which is the kingdom Zeke is from. We find out that Tantal is a strictly isolated society, which is basically the exact opposite of Zeke. Pandoria lets us know that Zeke was kicked out of his kingdom at the age of 15 because he kept leaving all the time, and he's been out on his own with Pandoria since then. (Zeke is 25 during the game for reference)

We also find out that the reason he was staying in Indol was because Amalthus found him on the brink of death and saved his life, so Zeke felt indebted to him for that. Yeah, this guy has had it a bit rough. And this isn't even getting into some of the side things that aren't part of the main story. One of the side things reveals that when he was younger, Zeke wanted to be a hero that could save everyone, but then was hit by reality and realized he can't actually save everyone. He saw a lot of the worst sides of humanity, but joining up with Rex sort of brought back his hope for humanity. AAAA HE'S SUCH A GREAT CHARACTER!!!!

Ok, getting back to more main plot stuff. When the party gets to Tantal, Zeke explains how he disagrees with the way his father handles things, pointing out how poor everyone is because the kingdom is too cold to properly grow food and crops, and since they stay isolated the only way to get stuff from other kingdoms/countries is illegally. The party then goes to give the king a message from Amalthus (I don't remember the specifics about it) And the king immediately rips it up and captures Pyra because he wants to destroy the Aegis before she can destroy the world. The rest of the party (minus Zeke and Pandoria) get locked up afterwards. Zeke if FUCKING PISSED over this, as well as being upset after learning the royal bloodline has been a lie this whole time, so he goes to break out his friends. They actually break out without his help, but you know, it's the thought that counts.

They go and they save Pyra, Zeke also goes a super cool move, jumping onto the giant cannon thing pointed at Pyra and stabbing it with his sword to try and stop it. That's another thing, Zeke is genuinely badass, and the game gives him plenty of time to be genuinely badass and cool. Again, Zeke is treated with respect and he's given time to be serious and cool, he's not silly and goofy ALL the time.

The stuff in Tantal is kinda where Zeke gets the most focus, although I still have a few moments afterwards I wanna talk about. So more plot stuff happens, Pyra ends up getting kidnapped by the bad guys so now the party has to go to this ancient tomb-like place called Spirit Crucible Elpys (I usually just refer to is as the Spirit Crucible). However as they go deeper into the Spirit Crucible, it's revealed that all the Blades in the party are having their energy drained, which is not good. Zeke orders Pandoria to stay behind because he wants her to be safe, but she adamantly argues that she goes wherever he goes, and after a bit of arguing, Pandoria sticks with the team despite the dangers.

Later on, Rex notices that Zeke seems to be getting tired as well, and Zeke reveals that he has part of Pandoria's core crystal in his chest. Mini explanation, a core crystal is basically a Blade's heart/energy source/life source type thing. Rex asks Zeke about it and Zeke brings up the story he mentioned before about how he almost died.

And we get a flashback, yay! I cried while watching this the first time, yay! But yeah, Zeke was dying and Pandoria was pleading with him to get up, not wanting him to die. Also another thing I should mention, but drivers and blades have a deep connection and when a driver dies, their blade returns to their core crystal and they lose all their memories. So one of the reasons Pandoria doesn't want Zeke to die is because she doesn't want to lose her memories of him.

So Zeke passes out, and Pandoria tries to carry him to safety, although she is very much struggling. Eventually, she can't go on and collapses onto the ground, which is when Amalthus finds the two. He saves the both of them by taking part of Pandoria's core crystal and putting it into Zeke's heart, keeping him alive and also making him what's known as a Blade Eater. And again, I don't have time to get into everything with Amalthus, but Amalthus is a terrible person who does a lot of horrible things, but saving Zeke and Pandoria is the one good thing that he did. But this post isn't about Amalthus, so let's get back to Zeke.

Zeke initially feels bad about the whole thing, blaming himself for Pandoria having to lose part of her core crystal, but Pandoria assures him that she's ok with it and that she's glad part of her is keeping him alive. (These two are so cute I could also scream about them all day)

And yeah, the reveal that Zeke is a Blade Eater explains A LOT. It explains how he's able to survive falling off of cliffs, because blades have strong regeneration abilities. It explains why he can move so quickly and why he's such a powerful driver, because he's basically part blade. It just adds so much to his character and I love it!

One last thing I wanna mention real quick, just because it is one of my favorite lines from Zeke. It's in another flashback, this time from when Zeke was in Indol, having a conversation with Amalthus. Amalthus asks Zeke if he's ever had to kill a person before, and Zeke says that no. he hasn't, because he's never seen the need to. And to get into the actual quote that I love:

"Why does anyone kill others? Because they're in your way, or because you can't bear the sight of 'em. You kill because you're weak. But I'm not weak. So I don't need to kill anyone. And I don't mean physically, yeah? I mean in here." *Zeke points to his heart*

Just FGHJKGHJ Zeke is such an amazing character. The entire time I was playing the game, I kept thinking "Surely this is as good as he gets" and then he just KEPT GETTING BETTER! Zeke makes me go insane by how much I love him AGH!

But yeah, sorry this post was so long, I just had to go in depth with talking about his character. I mean, I don't expect too many people to read this entire thing which is fine, I just wanted to get these thoughts out here as they're been sitting in my brain for so long.

TLDR: Zeke is an amazing character who perfectly balances being a silly guy and a genuine character with depth to him, and he's probably the best version of that type of balanced character I've personally seen

[milder-manners]

Which challenge was your favorite from Dream? (I'd say bar manhunt but maybe it's actually not your n°1)

I personnaly really liked the random item challenge and the death swap

- V

(Manhunt is def my n1, don't worry I'm pretty standard)

My non-manhunt favorites change pretty often but at the moment ...

THESE TWO!!!

Minecraft Random Item Challenge VS 2 Hunters my Beloved!!

Like you V, I fricking love this video. The Drama, the unintentional thematic items, the situational comedy, (the story fic potential)!!

The video starts off with pretty standard stakes, Sapnap and George vs Dream. An unfair match, but no one’s upset, the audience knows how easily Dream can turn the tables if the circumstances turn juuust right. And despite what the title says, Dream is a Hunter like Sapnap and George. They all only have one life, and are fighting to the death.

But then, not even 5 min in, the power levels get completely skewed. George and Sapnap both receive diamond weapons and George gets a diamond chestplate, and Dream gets his iconic turtle helmet. Suddenly, the fight becomes a chase, and Dream has to run for his life until a new item spawns in to even the tides. (He finds a ruined portal underwater, and inside its chest is a flint and steel.)

Dream then gets some good armor and a trident, and the dynamics change once again.

The video kind of takes a turn for the comedic here. It’s a 2v1, yet Dream becomes the aggressor. He’s starts initiating fights, the one who chases down Sapnap and George with his dozen tridents, and it’s the duo who begins running off, building up a tower to get away. And this goes on even when George gets netherite boots and chest plates, and Sapnap gets an elytra and rockets; they still mostly engage in guerrilla tactics to basically harass Dream. Dream literally begins yelling at them to come here and fight him.

And that tickles me so much because this is basically a culmination of how the manhunts conditioned George and Sapnap to treat Dream; a guy who’ll prevail against all odds.

And this over precaution is what ultimately does them in in the end. It gave Dream enough time and space to prepare a TNT trap that kills them all.

Man, it’s such a fun video. I didn’t even mention all the little moments between everyone, like “OH GEORGE” “IT’S OH SAPNAP!”, “You have better stuff than us” “Pff—how?”, “George, I know you can’t drive but you need to do a u-turn baby”; and how the items eventually gained a theme with each hunter, creating a pseudo narrative of a sky spirit and rock/metal spirit harassing a sea spirit. It’s such a good mix of tense competition, and silly fun.

Minecraft Hostage Simulator

Another 2v1 video but also a muffinteers video! This one is such a classic for me, I genuinely hope they revisit this one.

The gradual development of Bad becoming a complete menace. The long trek of the horn passing between George and Sapnap and eventually to Bad. That hilarious point in the Nether where the two beat the shit out of Bad while he hangs off the cliff as retaliation. Dream embracing his inner trickster archetype, setting a deal with Bad with specific conditions to loophole around them. Sapnap and George pulling off that incredible boat trick and snatching Bad from Dream. Dream getting murdered by dolphins, a complete turnaround from their usual grace. The dynamic shifting midway in the video to a 3v1 when the Hunters decide to work together to Get Bad.

And that epic fight/chase after the Nether!!! Oh My God!!

The improvisation, the lying, the music with the chase, the buildup of tension from the editing! The sudden introduction of the reason behind Bad being a hostage was that he’s a sacrifice to feed the dragon?!?! Chefs kiss. Incredible ten out of ten.

Again, I hope this video comes back but with a way for Bad to win. He was literally the star of this show.

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Danger Force Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 1

Episode 8: Return Of The Kid

Season 1 Masterlist

Click for vibes

The kids had never seen her move so quick. 

Seriously, (y/n) was like a cheetah. Or whippet. Or rocket. Or anything else that could cross the Man's Nest floor in the blink of an eye, becoming nothing but a blur as she flung herself at Henry Hart. 

The Henry Hart. In the flesh. All fuzzy-haired, slightly scruffy, and lanky, but he was there. He was real--for the first time in weeks. And she squealed right in his ear as she pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. 

The poor kid barely had time to react before his arms were pinned and chest crushed, laughing breathlessly as she squeezed his torso. Was it her, or had he gotten taller? Perhaps it was her imagination, but she barely peaked above his shoulders, and he felt skinnier, too. 

Remind her to cook him something good, however long he stayed. 

But, to Henry's happiness and possible regret, she wasn't the only one who wanted to latch on and never let go. Ray lumbered up behind his sweet girl, throwing those humongous tree trunks around her and his old friend to pull both of them against him. 

Okay, now, neither of them could breathe, not that (y/n) cared. Oxygen meant nothing when she had her doofus and her precious baby under one roof. Nothing could ruin her mood, laughing and holding them without ever wanting to leave their little human sandwich. How sweet. 

"My baby!" She cried, reaching up to stroke Henry's cheek as Ray rocked them back and forth. Maybe it was a bit of an overreaction, but they missed him. At least he'd come home in one piece. 

"Ah, welcome back, buddy!" Ray sighed, too, thinking a hug had never felt so good as the boy patted his old boss awkwardly on the back. It was getting harder to breathe. 

"Yeah..." he replied tightly, returning the pets to (y/n) 's head, who at least had stopped deafening him with her screeching. "Kinda tight there, guys..."

"Oh, Hen, we've missed you so much!" The heroine said with a beaming grin, pulling back to cup his cheek, studying his face. Despite his boyish smile, He looked more gaunt and drawn around his cheeks. "You look like you need some cookies! And pie! You said you wanted pie!"

"That was, like, two months ago, (y/n/n)--and oh, I think I heard a rib crack..." the boy groaned when Ray squeezed them again, ignorant of his heroic strength as he nuzzled past her hair to rest his forehead against him. Seriously...five years of friendship, and he'd never been this touchy.

"Oh, my baby..." But at least she was as thoughtful as ever, pulling back to give him a little space, slipping out from between them. Finally, he could breathe a little, flashing his not-sister a thankful smile, only for Ray to close the gap.

While (y/n) merely stood back and sighed at the image he made as one would admire a beautiful, majestic painting, the man refused to let go, hugging him even harder now that he didn't have to worry about smothering his sweet girl. By God, he'd missed this kid...

"It's gonna be more than one by the time I'm done with you!"

"Doofus, remember what we said about personal space?" (y/n) winced when her husband squeezed Henry's waist - kinda like a reverse Heimlich manoeuvre, only he was the reason for the boy's choked gasps. 

Like a snapping turtle, he refused to let go, so she had no choice but to get the others involved, signalling for Danger Force to circle the two. They tried to prise the doofus off, tugging at those beefy arms as the poor kid struggled, but Ray was relentless, even when his beloved wife wrapped her arms around his shoulders and yanked. 

"Do not make me get the crowbar!" Chapa growled as she took the opposite arm to Mika, trying to give Hen a little wiggle room.

"It's so nice to see a dude hug another dude..." 

"Right?! Bring it in, man!" Miles sighed dreamily, and Bose nodded, pulling his friend into a tight hug with a huge grin, patting each other's back amicably. It was sweet and not life-threatening like Ray's, who wouldn't budge despite the girls' best efforts. Their attempts were useless, but luckily, old Kid Danger had a trick up his sleeve. 

"It's okay--it's okay..." he panted, giving his old friends a reassuring smile, even as the hero nuzzled into his chest. "I got this, but you might wanna stand back."

Whilst she was a little confused, (y/n) nodded and guided Mika and Chapa to a safe distance beside the boys, leaving her lanky baby with enough room to push the hero away. The kids cried in amazement when a green force field burst from the young man's body, creating a barrier between him and Ray and sending the idiot flying backwards. 

That was one way to get personal space. 

"Hah! You hate to see it!" Miles cackled when he watched the dazed superhero land on his butt, clearly having forgotten about the gift his old sidekick received from the Omega Weapon. His force fields were the only reason why (y/n) allowed him to wander off to Dystopia alone. 

Still, the kid had the good grace to offer a hand and help his old boss to his feet, holding nothing against him when Ray flashed a nervous smile. 

"Sorry....got a little emotional there," he said awkwardly, straightening his jacket as his pretty girl wandered over and excitedly took his hand. She needed its anchoring weight - anything to remind her this wasn't a dream. 

"Just, you know, you've been gone a long time, and... we've been so alone."

"Speak for yourself, Raymond," Miss Danger retorted dryly, noticing how the children gathered on the couch cleared their throats - a little offended. He was such a drama queen, giving his first sidekick the big goo-goo eyes like he hung the stars in the sky, making Henry chuckle. Oh, how he'd missed the guy's craziness...

"Quiet! We're talking to Henry!" Ray snapped to Danger Force as they coughed, making everyone roll their eyes. 

"You big doofus..." (y/n) shook her head, squeezing his hand lightly before Ray wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Henry could tell that nothing was new there, seeing the same old lovebirds as he used to, only now they were settled into married life. Prepare for the grossness...

"Anyway, what are you doing back in Swellview? Not that we don't want you here, of course! You know you're always welcome!"

"I know, (y/n/n). I know..." Henry replied with a breathy laugh as she ranted hurriedly, glad she hadn't changed in the last few months. "My dad is graduating from Juilliard...dot com."

"No way, your dad's a moron! He couldn't graduate from online Harberd!" Ray scoffed, remembering Mr Hart with disdain and all the times his idiocy caused a disaster. 

"Yeah, dude! He's so dumb!" The boy agreed without hesitation, laughing with the couple like old times before growing serious again. "No, I'm actually here to see you guys!"

That had (y/n) tearing up, Ray smiling fondly when her bottom lip trembled. She clutched at her chest, giving the bashful kid a wobbly smile as she tried not to burst into tears, but he made it so hard. She didn't realise how much she missed him until he stood before her, talking so sweetly. 

"My little baby came right back to The Nest!" She exclaimed, sniffing a little before throwing her arm around his shoulders. "Give Mama Bird a big hug!"

"Just because it's you, (y/n/n)..." he sighed, never one to refuse her innocent requests, and besides, she was much gentler than Ray. He savoured the warm snuggliness, wrapping his long, gangly limbs around her body as she squeezed him softly, knowing he'd missed her, too. 

"Best hugs in Swellview, am I right?" He remarked to Ray and Danger Force, who smiled and nodded gently, knowing he was right. No one could say no to (y/n) 's hugs, not even Chapa, and Ray petted his wife's hair as she relaxed in her dearest friend's arms. 

"So, how's my old job?" He asked the kids, hoping to make small talk while she got the hugs out of her system. "You guys go on any sick missions?"

"Oh, man! Tons of missions!"

"So many!" Chapa and Mika exclaimed, much to the older boy's excitement. He wouldn't lie; he missed the old days, fighting crime without any true responsibility, so he couldn't wait to hear about how they'd continued his legacy. 

"Yeah? Cool! Like what? Anything...dangerous?"

"We once caught a guy who was stealing books from the library!" The girl said happily, but out loud, it sounded lame, not precisely the thrilling, daring adventures Kid Danger had in mind. Like how he fought a bloodthirsty, living virus or went to space--that was cool. 

"Okay, but I was kinda looking for some sick fights, though..."

"Ooh!" Miles gasped, his eyes lighting up like he had a great idea. "We once battled every bad guy in Swellview at the same time!" Now, that was more like it. 

"Noice! What happened?!" Henry asked, liking the sound of an epic brawl between light and dark, much like he'd done when he was younger. Had he ever told them about the train fight debacle? 

"Mika let them all out of prison!" Only when the kid responded was it like a punch to the gut. 

"Wow...I kinda spent my whole childhood locking those guys up, so I can't wait to hear how you all caught 'em," he said nervously, patting (y/n) on the back and when shuffled a little close. She was milking this hug for all she could get, but he was more concerned about the rampaging villains on the loose. 

"We didn't!"

"Sick twist! They're all still out there!" Bose announced happily, ignorant of how his predecessor's eye began twitching, frozen in place, and not because of the woman hugging the living daylights out of him. 

"I imagine that some of them are out there committing crimes right now!" Chapa added, equally joyful at the utter shambles they made of their first mission. 

Ray took that as his cue to jump in, not wanting to revisit that humiliating defeat. (y/n) pulled away from her baby as he brushed past them, smiling sourly at the clamouring children as they nattered away. 

"All right! That ends your visit with Henry--he's ours now!" He said, batting his eyelashes at what he thought couldn't be a better sight - his beautiful girl and precious best friend. 

"I enjoyed our time together!"

"Hey, so, uh, how's Dystopia? Do you need us to come help you?" Ray asked quietly, ignoring Bose's innocent comment, who returned to nibbling on his now-cold Nacho Ball. He was desperate to know, or rather, desperate to be needed, still smarting from how they parted on bittersweet terms. 

"'Cause I will burn this whole thing to the ground, take my wife, and leave right now."

"Raymond!" (y/n) warned lowly as Danger Force loudly cleared their throats again, much to the man's anger. He'd never snap at her so causally, but those little maggots? He had no qualms...

"Keep it down! God, they're always here, it's like--"

"--Like we're their teachers, and they're our students?" His sweet girl butted in with a teasing smile, and this time, she put her arms around his waist in a light embrace. Ray sighed, never staying mad for long when she was in his arms, returning the enamoured look while the kids watched on. 

"Little demons, more like..." Much to their wrinkled noses, the man dropped his head and kissed her gently, holding the back of her neck so it wasn't just a peck. They were goddamn shameless, smiling against each other's lips for at least ten seconds while they all grimaced. 

"Oh, there it is...wondered how long it would take," Henry retorted, eyeing the age-old scene with a judgy stare, knowing it had been hopeless to think they would've found some decency. 

No, they were as touchy as always, and when Ray finally pulled away, he smiled at his precious girl like she was the only one in the world. 

"Can't help it, kid..." he said gently, kissing her briefly and gently a final time as the heroine hugged his lithe waist, her cheeks and ears pleasantly warm. "I'm in love with my wife."

"Gross..." he grumbled, having war flashbacks about all those times as a kid when he saw them canoodling...or worse. Technically, it was his fault; he'd brought them together, but they'd always felt the need to kiss anywhere and everywhere, only saved when a loud, blaring beeping noise and red flashing light filled the Man's Nest. 

"Emergency call!" (y/n) gasped, and suddenly, it was go, go, go. Slipping out of Ray's clutches, much to his disappointment, she dashed over to the supercomputer with Mika and Chapa, eager to see what was going down. 

"Oh, hey, hey, this is perfect!" The hero gasped once he got over the disappointment of losing his sweet girl's warmth, but only because he'd come up with a brilliant idea. "We can go on a mission! Huh?! Let's pop some gum and have some...fum!"

"You know I'm all about that fum, big dog..." his old sidekick replied with a nostalgic chuckle, fondly remembering their old antics in the Man Cave, but something wavered in his eye... "but, you know, everyone thinks Kid Danger is kinda--"

"Hot?"

"Dead?" Bose and Miles suggested, and their ideas were wildly different and alarming in their own unique ways. 

"Exactly!" He nodded at Miles, much to Ray's disappointment. He'd hoped to relive their glory days...

"What's the emergency?" Chapa asked impatiently, as always, peering at the computer monitors as (y/n) tapped on the PearPads for more information. 

"It looks like there's a brawl at the nail salon," she replied once she finally found it, and honestly, it didn't sound too terrible. Merely a light workout for the more experienced crime fighters on the team, and that gave her a bright idea. 

"Oh, Hen, we could go kick some ass and then get our nails done! Just like old times! Remember? I used to take you there all the time when that doofus was busy."

"I didn't mean to..." Ray mumbled shyly, staring at his shoes as Henry laughed nervously. He'd never forget all those hours as they bonded over the smell of acetone and acrylic, laughing until their bellies hurt. 

He recalled how he'd comfort the young woman when her idiotic best friend went on a date with another woman. Still, most of all, he remembered the pain of biting his tongue when she cried, thinking Ray would never love her. It felt like a lifetime ago, and part of him wanted to regain that happiness, but...

"I know, doofus... Tell you what, you can tag along and pick my colour," she replied kindly, fluttering her lashes at her husband before turning to the kid. "What'd you say, Hen?"

"Y-yeah, you know I'd love to watch Ray pick your colour, (y/n/n), but..." he replied, and she frowned at how fervently he shook his head. It was like he'd seen a ghost or the slightest thing would make him jump like a skittish deer. Strange...

"I've been dropping so many fools in Dystopia, I was thinking I could just, you know...kick it here for a while. Maybe eat some of your famous oatmeal-raisin cookies?"

"Yeah--yeah! Coolcoolocoolcoolcool! We'll just kick it here, right, sweet girl? I was thinking the same thing!"

"I guess I'll get baking..." the woman said hesitantly, her Tummy Tingle telling her something wasn't right. She sensed danger, or at the very least, lies...but she couldn't quite pin them yet. 

"That's my girl! Guys, why don't you handle this one yourselves?" Ray suggested, creating an excited buzz throughout the room, but it only deepened (y/n) 's frown. Looking at her students - her fresh-faced babies - she swore they weren't ready to go solo, at least not without some supervision. 

"Yes!"

"Can I pee first?!" Exhibit A from Professor Bose. 

"Doofus, are you sure that's a good idea? They've only been doing this for, like...two months!" She hissed, walking over to chat privately with her husband, not that he was apprehensive. Slinging an arm around her waist, he pulled her close, flashing a confident smile before kissing her temple - like nothing would go wrong at all. 

"It'll be fine, darlin'! Why don't you pee on the way?" Ray grinned before reaching for one of the drool glasses and passing it to the boy as a receptacle. "There you go!"

"Maybe I should go with them..." (y/n) told her doofus nervously, and she moved to follow the team up to the tube. However, when she tried to leave the hero's side, he grabbed her hip and pulled her back into his chest, whining like a puppy to keep his soulmate close. 

"No, don't leave me, sweet girl!" He grumbled, holding her back to his chest as Henry rolled his eyes, wondering how needy one guy could be as Ray rubbed his nose into the spot below her ear. "They know what to do--they'll be fine!"

"But what if they need help?"

"They won't! Death is very unlikely!" Ray exclaimed a little too cheerfully for (y/n) 's liking, but judging from the tight grip on her waist, her fate was sealed. 

She offered a regretful smile to the kids, not that they minded. It was nice to have some freedom and get away from The Love Nest, practically buzzing as they assembled at the platform's top. A nail salon couldn't be that bad, and Ray had complete faith in them...and a burning desire for quality time. 

"Okay, guys... Don't end anybody, and try not to let anybody end you, okay?!"

"Good luck!" The heroine shouted, waving her babies goodbye as they disappeared down the tube - just as Henry's phone pinged. He glanced at the notification, his eyes indiscernibly darkening as he read it. Still, when the lovebirds wandered over, he quickly shoved it in his pocket again. 

"That nail salon's going up in flames!"

"Raymond! Don't say that!" (y/n) scolded her doofus, swearing she felt another tummy tingle at the boy's paling cheeks. Something was off about him...

"Oh, lighten up, sweet girl! Come on, pal! I'll give you a tour of the Man's Nest!" Ray exclaimed, lightly slapping the kid's arm before dragging his wife toward the metal door. She shook her head mirthfully but followed him, knowing she'd have to bake the cookies and prepare their guest room anyway. 

"All right, yeah, cool! I'm right behind you, big dog!" Henry called after them yet stopped to read the slew of messages clogging his PearPhone's notifications. 

All of them were from Charlotte and Jasper, begging to know if he was okay and where he was. One even said he couldn't escape his problems, but the boy ignored it, pressing the delete button without another thought. Out of sight, out of mind, and he really didn't want to ruin his time in Swellview. Not if it was the only time he had left...

"Are you okay?" A voice pulled him from his thoughts, and Henry looked up, surprised and alarmed to see (y/n) staring at him suspiciously. Oh, no; he couldn't escape her omniscient mind, gulping as she watched his every move. 

"I'm fine..." he replied, carefully tucking his phone away before she saw any of the messages. 

"Henry Prudence Hart, don't you lie to me..." she said sternly, stepping closer with one of her sternest gazes because her tummy knew something was off - she just didn't know what. 

"Who says I'm lying, (y/n/n)?" The kid broke their held gazes to glance at the floor before giving her a wonky smile. Slipping his hands into his pockets, he tried to look as relaxed as possible, even if he was oddly defensive with his surrogate big sister. "I'm fine..."

"If you say so..." (y/n) said slowly, folding her arms, dissatisfied with his answer, but she'd work it out eventually. She always did, especially when her tummy tingled like that. Only the investigation would have to wait as she heard clumsy, ground-shaking footsteps coming back up the hall. 

"Just know, I'm watching you, Hart--"

"Dude, don't you want to see my axe-throwing room?!" Ray asked excitedly when he reappeared in the doorway, seeing his precious wife and sidekick chatting quietly - a weird tension between them, not that he picked up on it. 

"Hmm?" The kid hummed, snapping out of the staring contest to see the man's innocently wide-eyed expression. 

"Dude, don't you want to see my axe-throwing room?!"

"Do you even have to axe?" Henry joked, plastering a grin on his face while ignoring how (y/n) planted her hands on her hips. She was onto him, but he played it off well, giggling with his old boss like nothing was wrong. 

"God, I've missed this..." Ray sighed, taking his wife's hand in his, squeezing it from the elation of having the old trio back together. 

"Me too, doof..." she agreed, hugging his arm before giving the kid one last suspicious glance. "You guys go enjoy yourselves. I need to make up the guest room and bake some cookies, apparently."

"You sure you don't want to join in, sweet girl?" Her husband offered, pouting slightly when she reached onto her tiniest toes to kiss his cheek softly. "You love it when I throw axes..."

"No, you love it when you throw axes, so spend some time with Henry, and I'll see you later, doofus."

"Okay--let's go have some fum!" 

She didn't need to tell them twice, wincing through her giggles when those little boys yelled at the top of their voices, slapped each other on the butt, and ran off down the hall. They were as crazy as the other, laughing and screaming the Man's Nest down as she chuckled to herself - only to feel her smile drop when a dark thought crossed her mind. 

Something was wrong - she could just feel it, murmuring to herself when she remembered the look on that boy's face when he got that text. 

"What is up with you, Henry Hart?"

~The next morning~

"Hey, guys. Here's your fourth cookie batch."

Ray and Henry grinned as they watched their beloved Miss Danger enter the main room, a steaming plate of oatmeal-raisin cookies in her hand. She placed them on the table, rolling her eyes since they couldn't get enough of them; it was flattering to know her tried and tested recipe was so well-loved, but she'd barely been out of the kitchen. 

She'd literally been slaving away over a hot stove while they, the chuckle brothers, played, pranked, and paraded to their hearts' content. After checking out every room in the Man's Nest in the evening, Ray and Henry played video games until the early hours and, after grabbing a few winks in between, were back at it at nine am. 

And they demanded cookies for breakfast. 

"Thank you!" They chanted happily as the warm, honeyed smell tickled their noses, knowing they could never get enough. She promised to make them some brownies, too, but first, they needed to beat this level, dancing their feet off on some computer game. 

"Are they still not back yet?" (y/n) muttered after leaving the baked goods to cool, ignoring the annoying music from the holographic computer screens. Whilst they were having fun, crisscrossing their feet to the beat, she was biting her fingernails in worry. 

Twelve hours later, Danger Force still hadn't returned from their mission at the nail salon. Ray told his sweet girl not to worry, arguing that they were probably just taking their time and having fun, but (y/n) wasn't so sure. Maybe she should've gone with them or at least told Ray to get off his butt when he showed the kid their sauna room. 

"Relax, darlin'! This is great!" Ray exclaimed happily, throwing his wife and ex-sidekick a grin as he copied the movements of his giraffe avatar. 

"I love this!" Henry nodded, bopping left and right, ignorant of his worried friend behind him. All he knew was the safety and comfort he'd learned in the Man Cave, and he didn't want to stop. 

"I love you!"

"What?!" He yelled over the music, not quite hearing his old boss as (y/n) raised an eyebrow at their antics. Honestly, it was surprising that she'd not gone insane yet. 

"I said I'd get ready for round two!" The hero quickly replied, saving himself from explaining something embarrassing as the game changed. As they entered the second round, the dance style changed, lowering the lights and switching to a soft, sexy tune as they took a minute to breathe. 

"Round two! Tango! Time to get close!"

"Seriously? You two are gonna tango?" (y/n) asked amusedly as she plonked herself on the computer's chair. She would've thought it was a bit girly for them, something her doofus would've wanted to do with her since it involved shared space, air, and sensuality. 

"Sure are, pretty girl, and if you're lucky, we can practice later, too," Ray told her with a wink, which left his wife to imagine what he meant by that. She hoped it would be a private lesson, but when she glanced back up, his attention had returned to Henry. 

"Shall we?"

"I didn't travel halfway around the world to not beat the tango level on Prance, Prance, Revolution with you," the kid replied confidently, ignoring their flirtation to give his friend a grave stare. He offered Ray his hand, who took it without hesitation before they coupled up into a somewhat intimate embrace.

With both arms around their backs, clasping each others' hands, the boys stepped in time to the Argentine music, navels pressed together with every movement. They weren't bad, creeping along and wiggling their butts as Henry led the dance, meaning Ray had to girlishly flick his leg out before twirling. 

Still, at least (y/n) could admire her doofus, thinking he looked ridiculously hot in his tight red shirt and jeans. His muscles rippled under the thin material with every move, making her sigh dreamily as she propped her chin up on her palm as that thick waist twisted and rolled. And don't get her started on those smooth, exposed biceps...

But suddenly, the tell-tale sound of the tube broke her out of the reverie, drawing her attention as the boys continued dancing. And to her relief, four tired, dirty, and unhappy kids arrived, looking like they'd lost a fight with Bob Geldof. 

"Oh, my God, you guys!" (y/n) exclaimed in horror, hurrying to her feet when her poor students plodded down the stairs, utterly defeated and groaning with every step. 

"How'd it go?" Ray was infinitely more casual, never breaking form as his sweet girl tittered over the children, guiding them to the steps near the front door. The tango was better than seeing if they were okay, despite how they groaned with every step, sticky with nail polish. 

"It went great..."

"We broke up the fight..."

"With our faces!" The kids grumbled. Chapa sounded as grumpy as usual, shuffling to her locker with a huff and glare while Mika tried to keep up her optimism. They'd done as they were asked, and that was great, but Miles just wished it didn't hurt so much. 

"Wasn't all bad. Got my nails did and had time to squeeze in a pedi..." Bose replied, and (y/n) wondered why he was walking so strangely until she looked down. His feet were beautifully smooth with moisturised skin and freshly painted nails, spreading his toes with those little foam dividers. 

Although he was the only one who'd had time to relax - the fight was brutal. 

"Pretty!"

"Nice!" The dancing duo complimented when they waddled closer, dipped, and twirled, admiring the soft blue colour - it matched his uniform, and smudging them would be a crime. It almost made (y/n) jealous that she didn't follow them. 

"That call wrecked me. I'mma go throw up and lay down." Or maybe not. She winced as Chapa shuffled the steps with her friends, appearing utterly worn out as she tried to sit down, only to flop onto the floor instead. 

All they wanted to do was sleep for the next fifty years, feeling like death had punched them in the face, but Ray had news for them - and they weren't going to like it. 

"Nah, nah, nah, another call came in while you were out," he told them to a chorus of groans and furious curse words. "Bunch of firebees are attacking a honey store. Caller said some murder bears are headin' up there, too, so hustle up!"

"We just got our cheese steamed! Can't you and (y/n) settle a honey fight between firebees and murder bears?" Mika complained on behalf of her friend, given that one of them was practically unconscious and the others were bleary-eyed and exhausted. 

She'd never heard of such a ridiculous emergency but gave (y/n) her best puppy eyes, fluttering her eyelashes as the woman bit her lip. 

"Maybe we should take this one, doofus. Let them have a break..." she suggested hopefully, hovering by the boys as their dance continued. If anyone could sway Ray, it was her. 

"Ooh, whaddaya say, partner?" He asked Henry, knowing he couldn't run off to fight crime and leave his old friend in the Man's Nest alone, not when he'd come specially. 

(y/n)'s unease only worsened when her baby shook his head gently and refused, saying some crap about the video game when, really, she knew the old Henry would never shy away from a fight. What was up with him?

"Hard pass, my guy. We got a big lift coming up."

"Oh, my God. This is ridiculous..." the heroine muttered as they separated, teetering on their tiptoes in preparation for their big finale, which apparently was so much more important than saving lives.

"Sorry, kids. Buzz off!" But, with the grouchy hero's order, Danger Force had no choice but to trudge to the tube again, dragging their feet and grumbling as they called on their final energy reserves. They could barely walk, let alone take down bad guys, but that was fine - as long as Ray got to leap toward Henry for the lift. 

He swooped above the boy's head, straightening his legs and spreading his arms like an angel as Henry held his hipbones high above his head with impressive strength. Seriously--how did he lift that much doofus?

"Okay, now that the lift is over, are you sure you guys don't wanna come help us?" Mika questioned as she and the others hovered on the tube pad, hoping with all hope that the man might change his mind. 

Given his look of pure joy at being so far above the ground, it was unlikely, but they could dream. 

"You're superheroes! Quit your bellyaching!" And a dream was all that would remain, Ray's harsh, biting tone making them pout when he refused to come down. 

"This is what you get paid for!" Henry added, thinking he was being helpful. He couldn't count on both hands how many times he was sent to deal with the most dangerous situations, but that was what he'd signed up for. That was the job, and it was worth it for nine dollars an hour. 

"You got paid?!"

"Down the tube!" Ray couldn't shout quick enough, sending his baffled students downstairs before he heard anything about unions and unfair employment tribunals. 

The looks on their faces, knowing they'd been duped when Kid Danger raked in hundreds over the years... That was a problem for another, or at least, a problem for when (y/n) didn't have a migraine. 

"Doofus....how long are you gonna stay up there?" She wondered with an exasperated expression when the kid's arms began to shake from the extortion. Holding a hundred-and-eighty-pound man wasn't easy when he barely had muscles on those chicken wings, yet Ray showed no inkling of wanting to be put down. 

He'd always wanted to be a swan. 

"Long as I can, sweet girl. Long as I can..."

Something told her that Henry's stay would be trouble - and her tummy tingle went again. 

~A few days later~

To say Henry and Ray made the most of their little bro-buddy vacation was an understatement. 

With Danger Force taking every call, emergency, or other predicament, the boys had plenty of time to hang out, relax, and mess about for four very long days. (y/n) loved having Henry home, of course, enjoying the quality time she spent with him for just under a week, but dear God, she felt like she was in Groundhog Day. 

They had cookies for breakfast every morning, followed by some practice on Prance-Prance Revolution. Then, after playing lasted tag with actual lasers, she made them pancakes for lunch, followed by takeout for dinner. And in between, their activities were loud, brash, and guaranteed to nearly shake the house down. Not so good for her poor nerves. 

The bachelor pad life was quickly wearing her and poor Schwoz out, so Ray and Henry promised to try something different, which was well-received--until they found the hero's old band kit. 

"Who gave them the electric guitar again?!" (y/n) shouted to Schwoz as her doofus and precious baby rocked out on their raucous instruments. When she said she wanted to see them break their routine, she didn't mean to shatter her eardrums. 

"WHAT?!" The genius yelled back, hardly hearing her soft voice as the boys created the awful racket. Schwoz was sure they thought they were God's gift to the music world - Bon Jovi rising again - but it made their ears bleed outside their little fantasy. 

"I SAID--WHERE DID THE GUITAR COME FROM?!"

"RAY FOUND IT IN THE GARAGE. IN A LOCKED BOX. UNDER SOME TRASH BAGS," he explained to the heroine as she clamped one hand over her ear whilst the other waved a lighter on his phone. They were part of the illusion, allowing the musical morons to believe they were at some concert playing to millions of adoring fans. But they weren't - just them, alone in the Man's Nest. 

"OH, GOODIE. I THOUGHT HE'D NEVER FIND IT AGAIN." (y/n) winced as her doofus came down the steps from the tube, her fingers clumsily dancing up the fretboard of his guitar - the one she'd carefully stashed away after he deafened them the last time. 

She had to smile through the pain, remembering how he said Captain Man didn't need lessons--he was a naturally gifted player. And, most importantly, all ladies loved a man in a band, waggling his eyebrows at her - the groupie - as he twanged a few notes. 

"YOU SHOULD'VE PUT IT IN THE INCINERATOR!"

"WOULD'VE, COULD'VE, SHOULD'VE, SCHWOZ," she replied at the top of her voice before giving her husband and friend a tentative thumbs-up.

They thought they were rocking out, hearing nothing but a sweet soundtrack, but it was terrible as Henry tapped his cymbals like a little drummer boy. It truly hurt her poor little ears, and that was before Ray prodded his strings, wiggling his tongue like Paul Stanley.

"MY GOD, THIS IS PAINFUL!"

"I GOT THIS!" The small man said before hopping off the back of the sofa, leaving her waving her PearPhone through the air, smiling through the pain. 

(y/n) watched curiously as Schwoz scuttled over to the amp that fed the infernal noise from Ray's guitar. He couldn't do much about the drumkit, but he sure as hell could rip the wire out, killing the music without a second thought. Just like they killed their eardrums.

"Whoa, whoa, hey!" 

"What happened?!" Ray and Henry exclaimed disappointedly, so distracted in their performance that they didn't notice a thing. They just saw Schwoz standing beside the amp innocently and (y/n) batting her eyelashes at her doofus with that sweet girl smile. 

"You must have blown a fuse, doof," the woman told her husband, hoping to capture his attention by crossing her legs and sticking her chest out, and it worked. Like the needy puppy he was, Ray drooled at his pretty girl and her...finer features, smiling and nodding at her every word, no matter how improbable it was. 

"Because you were rocking so hard and looking so hot while doing it."

"You bet I was, sweet girl..." he grumbled lowly, waltzing over to stand between her legs and cup her jaw. He smiled cockily as he pulled her lips to his, his ego definitely stroked and ignorant of how Schwoz twiddled his thumbs innocently. 

Her arms slid around his neck as their friends rolled their eyes, but at least the genius was thankful for the distraction. He didn't care if Ray did make those sounds or where his hands wandered or whatever she whispered in his ear that made him smirk like that, but Henry... He was suspicious. 

"Right, sure..." he muttered, not entirely buying it when (y/n) lifted the guitar over her lover's head so she could hold him closer without damaging it. Not that Ray was interested in music now. 

"Can you believe we've never even practised before?" The doofus said when they finally came up for air, pecking his wife's forehead. His smile shone as he squished her cheeks together and gazed into her eyes, entirely in the palm of her hand, after wowing her with his talent. 

"Don't need to practice when you're already perfect, dude!" Henry retorted, making his old boss glance over his shoulder with a smug expression. That's all they needed - the ego inflation. 

"Wow...I've missed you."

"And I've missed Nacho Ball! Get outta my way." Before Schwoz could even joke about giving the old hero and sidekick their own room, the kid pushed past Ray and made for the couch, where (y/n) had left their fast food while rocking out. 

It would be their fifth in four days, but whatever - he was living la dolce vita. The old man's sentiments didn't matter, not when he had a fried, cheesy ball of goodness waiting to be devoured. Henry hopped over the couch and quickly grabbed his sack, leaving the adults to do whatever they wanted. 

"I do enjoy your little visits..." the woman joked as she went around the couch like a normal person, even if her doofus leapt over the back like a child. 

They bought food, too, even though the thought of more French fries made (y/n) want to die. At least she got to share with her beloved idiot, splitting a jumbo Nacho Ball meal and extra-large soda because it always tasted better when she sipped from his. Weird. 

"Ho-kay, well...if your little concert is over, I'm going to go back to work now," Schwoz told them tentatively once they'd backed away from the instruments of death, but by then, with food in front of their faces, Ray and Henry weren't interested. Not when they hadn't eaten in three hours--and one of them got to feed little snacky things to his sweet girl. 

"Bye-bye, Schwozie!" (y/n) waved sweetly, which was more than the boys did as they immediately buried their noses in their plates. They didn't care what Schwoz did or where he went - a sore relief for the exhausted genius with a pounding headache. 

He wandered off in a foul mood, complaining about their childishness, when Henry's phone pinged in his pocket, distracting him from how Ray snuggled into his wife's side. 

She was interested in a polite, quiet dinner, nibbling a fry. Yet, her doofus laid his arm on the back of the couch, around her shoulders, leaning into her space to nuzzle his nose under her jaw. He whispered sweet nothings into her neck, practically laying in her lap more with every scrap of attention she gave him. 

"Who texted?" (y/n) asked casually while trying to work around her needy husband's advances. 

"Uh--"

"You're so pretty, sweet girl..." Ray muttered in a honey-like voice as his hand slid up her thigh, ignoring the food on the table and whatever Henry wanted to say. "What'd you say me and you take this to go and rendezvous in our bedroom?"

"Ooooh! I did not miss that!" The kid exclaimed when he noticed the hand under the table moving further north. That, and his mentor's smoochy mood, made him freak out, not wanting to know what he planned to do if he dragged her off behind closed doors. 

"Doofus!"

"What?! Can't a man love his wife?" The hero said moodily, loudly kissing his bashful girl's cheeks as the boy shook his head, grimacing. It was enough to put him off his Nacho Ball, watching how the grown man became a simping, crawling, goo-goo-eyed idiot just because (y/n) smiled at his affection. 

"Dude..." he muttered moodily, tapping his phone in exasperation when Ray kissed his wife again, "I'm trying to save these texts to The Cloud."

"Why?" (y/n) asked with a slight frown as she held her doofus in her arms, feeling how he nuzzled into her chest when the boy's phone did something annoying and unexpected. He really needed to turn off dictation, making one of Ray's classic mistakes when his virtual assistant began reading everything he wanted gone. 

"Reading messages out loud."

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no---" All the colour drained from Henry's face as the voice dictated his texts, which ranged from weird to downright concerning, catching (y/n) and even Ray's attention amidst their kissing. 

"You can't run from this thing. It will find you--"

"Henry--what the hell are you doing?!" The woman asked gravely, her expression turning from serious and concerned to utterly baffled when the kid jumped up from the couch to stamp on his PearPhone - anything to get the damn thing to shut up. 

But they'd heard enough, even after he'd smashed the device, satisfying her gut in the worst way when it revealed that he'd been keeping secrets, just like she'd suspected. Sometimes, she hated it when her tummy tingle was right. 

"That didn't sound good..." Ray muttered, swallowing a fry as he pulled away from his sweet girl to look at his ex-sidekick blankly. He didn't know what was happening, but he still snuggled up with her, just from how jumpy Henry was...he wasn't that stupid. 

"Right?!" The boy asked nervously, shuffling around the couch on his tiptoes as he looked out of the windows and over his shoulder. "Hey, uh, totally unrelated question, but I'm, like, totally untrackable in the Man's Nest, right?"

"Oh, yeah, dude. Schwoz installed these macro-electron scramblers. Trying to find you here would be like trying to find a grey hair on my head," the man replied confidently, earning himself a whack on the arm from his wife since he could be so dense at times - so full of himself ever since she said he was hot. 

"There's one right there." And Henry knew just how to distract him, being the cunning kid he was. 

"What?! It's not true! Tell me it's not true, sweet girl!"

"Oh, Raymond!" (y/n) grumbled when her husband grabbed her by the shoulders, frantically shaking her shoulders at the thought of growing old. Some said he dyed his hair, others would disagree, but his floof was perfectly chocolatey - not that Ray knew that as he frantically combed his fingers through it. 

"Now, Henry, you better start telling us what the hell is going on--" She turned to Henry with one of the angriest, sternest faces he'd ever seen on her - which could've been infinitely scarier than whatever had him so worried. 

But her threat fell on its face when she was interrupted, dealing with both stressed-out doofus and a gaggle of children shooting up from SWAG in their chairs, and they did not look happy. Welcome to the club. 

"Hey!" Mika shouted, closely followed by Chapa, Bose, and her brother. They'd been doing all the leg work for Captain Man and Miss Danger for days, keenly aware that their golden boy kept them preoccupied with his little visit, and that pissed them off. 

"What? What? I don't have any grey hairs--you're old--what?!" Ray rambled, turning around to peek out from behind his sweet girl, who had just rolled her eyes and looked at Danger Force. 

She wasn't in the mood for more angry, lying children, waiting for one of them to say the wrong thing before she exploded.

"We all have something to say to you!" Mika, the spokeswoman of the quartet, announced, giving her teachers a confident face as her friends rallied behind her. 

"Well, I would sorely love to hear it. Just know that I am not in a cookie-baking mood anymore..." (y/n) smiled sweetly at them, folding her arms as she ignored the lanky, no-good, secretive boy behind her and focused on her other troublemakers. They didn't seem as confident as they were before. 

"Chapa, tell them!" The girl quickly pulled her friend before her, her strength and argument failing under the woman's stern gaze. Chapa would be much better at shouting back, her grumpy frown matching (y/n)'s, although even she was anxious to take her on fully. After all, they were all friends here...

"We've been taking all of the calls for, like, three or four days now!" She started, the others yelling in agreement as the couple glanced at each other. 

"We think you guys should take the next call!"

"Okay..." (y/n) saw nothing wrong with that, shrugging even as the children ganged up on her and Ray. If anything, she was getting cabin fever, hoping to get out into the action with her doofus, and now, she wanted to get Henry out, too. What was that he said about untrackable?

"We also think we should be able to vaporise one person a year for no reason at all!"

"Yeah!--Wait..." The others frowned at the little addition Chapa tagged onto the end of their demands, having not discussed anything about vaporising people when meeting in Mika's bedroom the previous night. They wanted fair treatment and a break, but maiming innocent people? It made the pause and quickly back-track. 

Sure, we'll take the next call..." Ray told them as he looked at his precious wife, who nodded calmly and sipped his--their soda. She was ready to go, but the kid - he looked like he'd seen a ghost. "It's been a half-minute, my fists are getting thirsty, and crime is a tall glass of water."

"Please, don't punch my glass--" Henry asked the hero while the children celebrated their negotiations, but it was too late. Fired up and eager to fight, Ray smacked his thankfully empty glass off the table, happy to see it roll under the table since it meant he got a glimpse of his sweet girl's butt when she had to pick it up. 

"Raymond!"

"What, sweet girl? Next call that comes in is gonna go home in a body bag," he whispered dramatically, clenching his fists before swiftly yanking her into his embrace. She could tell he'd not been outside in a few days, acting all hyper and needy even as everyone's brows flew up at the...overkill. 

"Doofus, what have we said about saying murdery things?" (y/n) murmured in his ear as she patted down his chest. To say he was being so jumpy, his muscles looked good in that shirt. 

"That's how lawyers get involved?" 

"Exactly, so let's remain calm and take the next call."

"Yeah, but I mean, who even knows when the next call is gonna come in?" Henry said nervously, wrinkling his nose when they kissed again, but it was a small price to pay since it distracted them from the whole going-out thing. 

The mere thought made his heart pound, palms growing clammy at the idea of venturing outside the safe Nest walls. But the emergency alert began to sound before the heroine could even give him one of her suspicious stares. Red light and the loud siren filled the room, and if he was scared before, he was practically bricking it now. 

"Oh, would ya look at that?" Chapa said nonchalantly, an evilly sweet smile as she looked at the anxious kid. "An emergency call."

"How convenient..." Ray said poignantly, anything beyond coincidence going over his floofy head as Mika walked to the supercomputer to see what was happening. 

"Exactly. Someone's trying to rob that corner store - How Convenient," the girl told them, making Ray smile at the map on the holographic screen. It was in Downtown Swellview, not too far from their hideout, but definitely in a grungier part of town. Just the sort of place filled with the scum the hero wanted to wipe the floor with. 

"Oh! So, you, me, and my sweet girl are going to Pound Town, buddy!"

"Doesn't look too difficult, but we should get going..." (y/n) noted as she and her doofus pulled out their gum tubes. Admittedly, a little flutter of excitement ran through her veins at the thought of the old team working together - the thrill of being in the trio again, even though she played it cool. 

She was more than ready to become Miss Danger again, but when Henry hesitated, she got that funny feeling again...

"Pound Town is nice this time of year, but, uh, I really just wanna finish my Nacho Ball," the blond boy told them shakily, all but looking like he could bolt at any minute, making the couple frown as they chewed their gum.

Yet, when he returned to the table, hoping for a refried, golden, crispy distraction, he found Bose sitting on the steps with his plate and cheese smeared across his lips - chowing down. Leaving that Nacho Ball unattended was a mistake. 

"Chapa ate it..." he mumbled guiltily, despite being caught cheese-handed. 

"Come on, man. Pop one of those Dystopian gumballs. I wanna see that swet 'stume," Ray excitedly said to his old friend, who undoubtedly fought in something other than his old uniform now. They'd never seen it, leaving him to fight alone with Jasper and Charlotte in the other city. Still, they only got a wobbly smile and lying eyes. 

"Aw, God--I--I didn't bring any."

"Say what now?" (y/n) quirked an eyebrow at him, not buying it for a second when the boy nervously rubbed his hands together, barely able to stand still. She was a skittish person by nature; she knew anxiety when she saw it, especially in a boy who'd tried to blindside her a dozen times in the past. 

"You're telling us that somehow, miraculously, you forgot to bring your gum, even though it's the one thing you keep on you at all times?"

"Yeah, (y/n/n). I must've forgotten to turn on the gum reminder app on my phone." He gulped, seeing the amusement in her eye the second the lie passed through his teeth, hands on her hips, as Ray frowned at both of them. He was dense, but even he sensed something weird was happening. 

"Yeah, well, the BS-detection app on my phone is telling me you're making that up," she replied sternly, holding the gum against her inner cheek as she stepped closer--until she was nearly toe-to-toe with the boy. He said nothing, bravely holding her gaze to deny everything she accused him of, but Miles didn't care. 

He was a guy of action, thrusting his arm in the air and suddenly appearing beside the ex-sidekick because there was something in his pocket... He pinched a tin from Henry's back pocket in a flash of light, hearing the unmistakable rattle of gum inside. Busted. 

"What are these, then?"

"Funny that..." (y/n) said dryly as everyone watched the lanky kid scramble for an answer. Of course, Ray said nothing - he never did to his favourite child; he was just happy that there was gum, even if it came out of thin air. 

"Guess I did bring some! Thanks, buddy." Henry plucked the tin from Miles' hand, smiling tightly at him, his voice strained and almost hoarse with his bubbling anger. 

It didn't deter the younger boy, who mirrored Chapa's infamous saccharine grin as he patted his learned friend on the shoulder, only to have his hand abruptly pushed away. For someone who said he wasn't bothered - chill in the words of the modern youth - Henry looked pissed off. 

"Something wrong, Hen?" (y/n) asked innocently, blinking when her baby looked at him in annoyance, almost crushing the case in his palm. 

"No..."

"Come on! It's right down the street--we'll be back in five minutes," Ray told him, despite having every intention of dragging the fight out for everything it had. Anything to fight side-by-side like they did in the good old days.

"Five minutes?" Kid Danger echoed nervously as he unscrewed his gum, hands shaking as they wore down his resolve. It looked like he didn't have much choice, but the mere thought of stepping outside made him feel sick - five minutes would feel like forever. Five minutes was all it would take. 

"Yeah! Have I ever lied to you?" The man replied brightly, only to get several dry looks in return. 

"You once told me you were born in nineteen-ninety-eight..." Henry recalled, much to the sniggers around the room - even from (y/n). Would that make her a cougar? Dating a guy ten years her junior? 

Everyone giggled at the flustered hero, who immediately snarled at the children as he grabbed her waist and pulled her into his chest. He didn't want her to see his pink cheeks from the minor fibs he told. 

"I was! I was! Ninety-eight! Year of the...fist!"

"Technically, it was the year of the tiger," (y/n) said, giggling as she gently hugged her doofus' waist, hoping he'd stop pouting when she snuggled closer. She didn't care about his age; if anything, it was hot - the hand of experience. "And, you big doofus, if you're secretly twenty-three, I'm the next pope."

"Your holiness..." Ray smiled, glancing down to make the mistake of getting lost in her eyes. She made him feel young - full of butterflies, warmth, and endless energy - enough to quell his current worries. That, and the kiss they shared. 

"All right..." Henry muttered, swearing under his breath from his internal anxiety and their canoodling. He never understood how they could kiss and chew gum simultaneously. Still, Ray made it work, somehow cradling her jaw and patting her ass together, too. "Let's blow and go."

"Finally!" The woman grinned, excitedly rubbing her hands together as she hurriedly pulled away from her doofus, pecking his lips a final time. She stood between him and the moody teen, feeling her husband slip his hand into hers and squeeze, grounding them in a surreal moment. 

At one point, they thought they'd never see Henry again, let alone fight crime with him. But, as they transformed into their super-suits, becoming Captain Man and Miss Danger for the millionth time, they saw a new, grungier side of their old friend. 

His uniform was...different. Kinda like he took everything about the Kid Danger costume and fucked it off. Instead of bright colours and protective equipment, the couple were shocked and concerned to see him wearing dark skinny jeans, a crusty, frayed t-shirt, and a thick, leather jacket shrugged over the top. The only way of safety they saw was his gloves, but even so, there was no padding, no layers, and certainly no mask. 

It was Henry Hart - emo edition. 

"Dude, where's your mask?" Ray asked concernedly. He could look over the dingy, dark outfit, seeing why it might be cool on some people, but nothing protected his identity. That was just stupid. 

"Oh, we don't actually wear masks in Dystopia."

"What?!" (y/n)'s eyes nearly fell out of her head at the revelation. All she heard was that three of her beloved babies were running around the most dangerous city in the world, allowing every villain to know who they were. Were they trying to get themselves pulverised?

"Yeah, I don't know, we're just kinda beyond that," the boy replied coolly--as if it wasn't a big deal. He looked at the adults like they were stupid and boring. Still, even Danger Force could see the perilous risks he took by not wearing one, awkwardly fidgeting around the room. 

"Actually, that's extremely irresponsible."

"Mask-wearing saves lives..."

"(y/n/n), come on. It's fine," Henry said to his strongest ally as the traitors around the room pandered to their teacher. He didn't care what his replacements had to say, defiantly staring at the heroine with pleading eyes, not that she cared. 

"It's not fine, picklehead," (y/n) told him firmly, wandering over to the drawer beside the supercomputer to find something suitable. She was sure they didn't have a mask to hand, but since it was dark, as long as they covered his face, the kid would be okay--if she didn't whip his butt for being so difficult before. 

"While in Swellview, you're gonna put something on your face."

"Nah, nah, nah, nah. You always do this, (y/n)!" He complained, batting away the woman's hands when she tried to put a pair of dark glasses over his eyes. They would just make him look stupid - what idiot wore sunglasses at night?

"No one likes a whiner, Henry. Put them on!" He could try to push her away, but that only made the woman more determined. 

They argued back and forth, shouting over each other as he attempted to dodge the glasses. He didn't win, of course, eventually giving up when she kicked his shin and told him to suck it up. Finally, she shoved them up the bridge of his nose, smiling with satisfaction when he sighed, arms falling to his side. 

"You look great!"

"I look stupid!" The kid grumbled, moodily stomping to the tube as Ray took his sweet girl by the hand. He said it, not her. 

"Well, it's a fight, not a fashion parade, so let's go!" (y/n) hurried after her doofus, waving to Danger Force as they cheerfully yelled their goodbyes, relieved to see the backs of them since it meant they could finally rest. Ray could barely contain himself, excitedly buzzing beside her as they waited on the tube pad, clutching at each other's hands as the hero hit his belt buckle. 

"You wanna call it?" He asked his old friend, smiling at him for old times' sake, and even in his cranky mood with the demon butterflies terrorising his belly, the kid couldn't say no. Not when he felt so nostalgic. 

"Up the tube!" Henry shouted, only for the machine to buzz lowly at him. The lovebirds beside him gasped and cooed, saying something about him being adorable and just a baby because he was still stuck in the Man Cave. A sore spot that tugged on (y/n)'s heartstrings. 

"Oh, baby boy, we go down the tube now..." She said softly, stroking the boy's arm as he stared blankly at his surroundings. She practically whimpered at her doofus, wondering if it had been that long since they lost their own home since this was normal now - them in the Man's Nest. 

"...Down the tube!"

With that, they were off, hurtling toward the garage and whatever new vehicle Ray wanted to show off. Everything was the same but different, which didn't help Henry's nerves as he stepped out from under the protective shield into the big, bad world. 

If the couple knew what danger he was in, would they have let him out? Probably not. This kid couldn't handle danger for all the big talk he used to make. Sometimes, he wished he could return to when things were simpler--when he chased diaper-wearing villains and the criminally stupid. 

But it was a little late for that. By the time they reached the convenience store, it was too late for anything. 

~The How Convenient Store~

"This place is disgusting..."

(y/n) wrinkled her nose as she followed her doofus and Henry along a dark, dirty street at the foot of Mount Swellview. 

She didn't like how all the streetlights seemed blinky, how many trash bags piled up on the curb, or how she swore she heard rats squeaking in the shadows. The smell made her want to retch, sticking close to Ray's side as he confidently strutted to the lonely store covered in a thick layer of grime and graffiti. 

"Oh, come on, sweet girl! It's gonna be fun!" The hero replied cheerfully, practically skipping along the road since he was riding a massive nostalgia wave. 

He had his beautiful wife on his arm, and beside her, Henry traipsed with them. It didn't matter how skittish he seemed - the kid was there, which was enough to make his old boss giddy as a schoolboy. 

"You mean, we're going to need a tetanus shot after this?" (y/n) said sarcastically, glancing at the reticent boy when he didn't snort at her joke. It was strange; he didn't even fake vomit when they kissed and cuddled in the Man Van, and that made her suspicious--more so than she already was. "Right, kid?"

"Huh?--Oh, yeah, ha...ha." The kid's voice was flat and distracted, probably because he constantly glanced over his shoulder, too busy frantically scanning their surroundings through those thick glasses to laugh at anything they said. 

And the strangest thing had to be how he nearly ducked under the heroine's arm when he heard a shout off in the distance, clinging to her uniform's skirt like a terrified child, not a hardened crime fighter. 

"Man, this is like the good old days! Come on! Come on!" Still, Ray hurried them off, quickly crossing the road with his usual arrogance, squeezing his wife's hand as they burst into How Convenient to see a familiar face. 

"Can you pay attention to me, please?"

"You're always in the middle of a game!" The young woman, named Shasta, behind the counter, whined to whoever she was talking to on the phone - her girlfriend or boyfriend at home, (y/n) assumed. 

She didn't give a damn about the fact that her store was being robbed, more concerned about her troublesome relationship than the criminal begging for some attention. It was challenging to rob a place when the staff refused to hand over the goods. Still, even so, Ray grinned when he recognised the scumbag - for the first time in nearly a decade of dealing with him. 

"Part of the reason I rob people is for the connection, and I feel like you're not here with me right now!" The scruffy, greasy, moronic thug whined as he squeezed his weapon of choice - a skunk for some reason, but then again, he always thought he was clever. 

"Oh, God, not him..."

"Hey, look! It's your old pal, Jeff!" Ray nudged Henry as they huddled near the door. (y/n) couldn't say she was thrilled to see that the idiot had returned after the jailbreak, but for once, her doofus wanted to chase his flabby ass. Anything to relive the glory days with the kid. 

"Yeah, yeah, cool. Let's just hurry this up," Henry replied, feeling as jumpy as ever now that they were out in the open, wearing his Dystopian costume - for anyone to see. 

"Aw, man. I'm so excited!"

"You're adorable, doofus..." the woman giggled when her husband squeezed her body against his in a spur-of-the-moment hug. Yet, she gave Henry a knowing, side-eyed glance whilst the hero couldn't see. 

"Well, I don't even know what we are! What does vibing even mean?" The shop assistant ranted to her friend on the phone, making the heroes feel slightly awkward after hearing something they shouldn't. 

"Do we vibe, sweet girl?" Ray asked his sweet girl quietly as Jeff chased after the woman, who disappeared into the break room with the PearPhone glued to her ear. The silly hero looked so confused, not knowing if it was good or bad or if he'd missed that lesson on youth slang. 

"Oh, yeah, we vibe so hard, doof," (y/n) replied with an enamoured smile despite not entirely understanding what it meant. "But we vibe so much better than that girl and her...companion."

"Where are you going? I'm not done crime-ing!" Jeff whined after Shasta, only for Captain Man to clear his throat to catch the moron's attention. The incompetent villain practically jumped out of his skin when he saw the hero, Miss Danger, and that scrawny, emo-y kid standing there, wondering when they got there. 

"Robbing a store with a skunk?" (y/n) asked with an unimpressed, quirked eyebrow. She folded her arms as Ray turned to her with a silly grin. 

"That plan stinks!" He was so happy with the little pun that he patted the boy's chest to join in the fun after he earned an amused smile from his wife. Now you go���you go—you go!"

"Uh..." Henry stuttered, not knowing what to say since he was riddled with nerves, desperately wanting to go home. "What the smell are you doing? Now, come on--you're going to jail..."

With a stony, tight-lipped face, he marched over to the criminal with a hefty sigh. He grabbed him by the elbow and, with no messing around, yanked him toward the exit without any of the usual flare or dramatics. It was baffling to the couple, who frowned and quickly dragged him back to their sides for being so goddamn dull. 

"Hey, hey, man! Take your time!"

"What are you talking about?" Their old sidekick asked tiredly, wondering what childish, ridiculous drivel his ex-boss was yammering about when he just wanted everything over and done with. It wasn't like him, and all Henry could do was avoid the simmering anger and disappointment in (y/n)'s eyes. 

"Let's slow-fight this crime..." The hero answered softly, hoping to drag out every sweet second of his nostalgia trip to make up for how they parted ways. 

"I just wanna get back to my Nacho Ball!"

"Not gonna lie, we left it with BrainStorm. That Nacho Ball will be long gone..." (y/n) replied, seeing straight through the kid's lie, but it was still true. To the boy's disappointment, Bose always stole anyone's takeout if they unwisely left it unguarded. He wouldn't be able to use that excuse now.

"Hey, is this your news sidekick?" Jeff interrupted, staring at Henry with an untypically curious expression as he tried to size him up. Luckily, he couldn't see through his minimal disguise, not seeing Kid Danger at all, but still, they didn't like how he giggled. 

"Maybe..."

"No!" The kid quickly shut down Ray's high hopes, dimming that pearly grin, but that didn't stop her merciless big sister poking his rubs with her elbow - a mischievous glint in her eye. 

"I'd say we're vibing right now," (y/n) joked, giggling with her husband as he wound his arms around her waist and plonked his chin on the top of her head. 

"You guys don't even know what that means!"

"Sure I do," she retorted when the boy gave her that dry, exasperated look, but how could she be truly cranky when she was in her soulmate's arms? 

Resting her weight against Ray, she flashed him a cunning smile, her eyes sparkling, when the besotted hero pecked her temple—much to Jeff's disgust. He'd always thought she was a pretty girl, but why did she have to choose him?

"It means we're, like, together, but not really."

"But we vibe extra hard 'cause we're actually together, right, precious girl?" Ray asked softly, lowering his mouth next to her ear. He squeezed her gently, hoping he hadn't misinterpreted something because he didn't want any of that situationship shit; she was his, and he was hers. 

"Oh, definitely, Captain. I love you..."

"Aw, sweet girl. I love you, too!"

"I can't even talk to you guys..." Henry rolled his eyes as they cooed and fawned over each other, swearing they were doing it just to wind him up. Either way, it pissed Jeff off, given that it was infuriating to see his favourite pin-up, Miss Danger, in the arms of his mortal enemy, Captain Man. 

As the kid rolled his eyes and grimaced, the crook pointed the skunk at them - an odd choice of weapon that had to be a first for the hero in all his crime-fighting years. Glaring at the happy couple and all their lovey-dovey romance, he lifted the creature's tail and pointed it at the trio; such was his genius. 

"Well, spray hello to my little friend!" Cried Jeff, and a jet of stinky skunk spray blasted at the heroes. 

Ray instantly pulled his sweet girl away and out of harm, hating to think that the foul stench would overcome her sweet perfume. Meanwhile, Henry, despite being semi-abandoned, could handle himself, instantly raising his green, glowing force field around himself. The stink ricocheted back to the criminal, hitting the back of his throat so he tasted it.

"Ahhhhh! It burns!" He screamed, seeing nothing but tears as he turned and fled to escape the foul smell. 

"Classic Jeff!" Ray exclaimed with a hearty laugh, untangling himself from his beloved wife once he'd run off. They had no need to annoy him now, and the best part of the night would be the chase, nudging Henry and congratulating him on a job well done. 

"Yeah, all right. We stopped the robbery, so let's get back to the Man's Nest!" But once again, the kid showed no interest in reliving their former fun, smiling weakly as he made for the door. 

"Hey, kid, hang on!" (y/n) called out, getting a funny feeling in her tummy again as her hand zipped out and caught him by the arm. If only he had told her what was so obviously terrifying him, maybe she could have helped... "We've got to go chase after Jeff! You know, put him in jail!"

"No, no, no, no. Let's get back to the Man's Nest," Henry insisted, slowly edging toward the door, even as they ached to run after their enemy, who was quickly gaining ground. 

"Come on, it'll be fun! Like old times! Punchin', quippin', takin' selfies!" Ray added, jabbing and kicking out at thin air to try and inspire a little action in the boy, but he didn't succeed, either. 

"I don't want to take selfies!" 

He glanced at his wife, looking to her for advice, but she was equally frustrated and slowly losing patience with the boy when he took her wrist and tried to yank her back to the Man Van. 

"Ooh, you know what we can do? We can steal some of these bubblegum burner phones and blame it on Jeff!"

"That's just stealing, doofus, and not the point right now!" (y/n) told her husband firmly when he got a little silly and desperate, but her main focus was the stubborn kid still gripping her arm. 

She looked at him with a hand on her hip, trying to work out what was up with him as her tummy tingle worsened, but it was difficult when he anxiously hopped from foot to foot. 

"It's kind of a grey area, darlin'. Who's gonna know?" Ray replied jokingly, not sensing the tension in the store until his wife gave him the look. A stern, cold glance that had him buttoning his lip and looking at his shoes because he wanted to live. Henry, however, might not see another day as he avoided her firm gaze. 

"I will, you big doofus, but come on!" The heroine answered curtly before yanking her hand from Henry, giving him a tired yet serious stare. "Look, kid, will you just tell us what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" Henry asked quietly, trying to act all innocent and cute, hoping it would get her to leave him alone. 

He was little Henry Hart, the boy she had known since he was thirteen. He tried to channel that when his big, wide eyes met hers, only to be met with a harsh scoff and incredulous expression. 

"Oh, cut the crap. We both know you've been lying for the last few days!"

"I have not!" he argued fervently, trying to tap Ray's bicep to get him on his side. 

Still, if there was one thing he'd missed during his time in Dystopia, Ray Manchester did not argue with his wife. Hardly ever, and certainly not on stuff like this. She was the boss, and he didn't mess with her—mainly because she was smoking hot when she was girlbossing it. 

"You're lying right now!" The woman snapped, clutching her tummy when the tingle became painful, tugging her toward the back door like something wanted her to flee, but she wasn't done arguing yet. 

"Sweet cheese, Henry, what are you so afraid of?" 

The kid never got a chance to reply, and she didn't know when to run, not when shit hit the fan. 

A flash of blinding light filled the store, and an explosion threw the trio off their feet. They barely had time to react when the cool, nighttime air hit their faces, telling (y/n)'s dazed brain that the door had burst open, but most importantly, they were under attack. 

It couldn't be Jeff; that idiot was long gone and couldn't find his ass in the dark with both hands, so Captain Man wasn't worried about him, just the unknown. He did not know what he was up against with his vision so blurry, but his instincts told him to move--fight--kick--punch--do something to get to his sweet girl. And Henry, of course. 

As their backs hit a cold, hard surface where racks of chips and candy used to hang, the hero tried to move his bulky arms, reaching for the pretty girl beside him, but it was futile. 

"What the..." (y/n) muttered in a daze, but not enough to miss the bizarre contraption fixing her wrists and lower body to the wall. They were like futuristic handcuffs, glowing with powerful, blue energy that snaked around their tummies before locking their hands by their sides. 

"Miss Danger!" Her doofus exclaimed, panicking slightly when he tugged on the weird restraints with his super-strength, but they didn't break. He couldn't get to her. They were side by side, yet so far and completely powerless, and that made them afraid. 

Yet, the feeling of not being able to reach each other was nothing compared to the terror that ran down their spines when a sinister-looking remote-control drone flew toward them, honing in on Henry as the boy slumped against the wall, petrified and panting. 

It scanned Captain Man and did nothing. It scanned Miss Danger and did nothing. They weren't its target, but Henry? It analysed his face and beeped, talking in a monotone, robotic voice that put the fear of God in the kid. 

"Henry Hart located...Sending bounty hunter."

"What the actual fuck?" (y/n) spat, heart pounding and staring wide-eyed at the drone before she and Ray snapped their heads right in their friend's direction. 

"I can explain..." he said slowly, not daring to look them in the eye because he knew he was screwed. It was just a matter of time before they all met horrific, excruciating ends, and it was all his fault. They were gonna die, and that was on him, but he couldn't tell them that...

"Can you?!" His beloved (y/n/n) gasped, frantically glancing between him and the drone as Ray tried to wrench free, but it was useless. "Oh, Henry, what have you done?"

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean for this to happen," the boy whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut, praying it was some sick, twisted nightmare. But no, the drone was still there, and his closest friends...well, they looked ready to throw hands. 

"For what to happen? What's going on?!" Ray gasped, tugging with all his might to bust out. He wasn't the brightest, refusing to give up, but he didn't need to be a genius to realise how much shit they were in - how he couldn't reach his sweet girl to keep her safe, even if he tried.

"We need to get out of here!"

"Yes, thank you for that capital idea, Sherlock," (y/n) retorted dryly, feeling her wrists chafe as she wiggled them. "Don't suppose you have a freaky techno-key for these freakier cuffs, do you?"

"Just--just call Danger Force and tell them to get here ASAP!" Henry told her shakily, whipping his head at every entrance like he was waiting for someone to arrive, and by the looks of it, he was petrified. 

She scoffed at that. She was seriously not in the mood to take orders from him. Also, what made him think they'd want to help? Those poor kids were exhausted, and this was his mess - if only he'd tell them...

"They won't come. It's their time off, Hen," she replied, but that only made the kid's eyes widen more than she thought humanly possible. 

"They have to!"

"Why? Are we gonna die?" Captain Man asked causally, a light, airy, joking edge to his voice as he tried a smile - anything to lighten the situation. But, his stomach dropped when Henry glanced away awkwardly and pulled a nervous face. Did he even want to know?

"Um...no?" He tried, but it was a pretty poor attempt to say he had all those lessons on lying all those years ago in the Man Cave. 

"One more lie from you, Henry Prudence Hart, and I swear to God--" (y/n) snapped, seeing straight through his anxious disposition, mainly because she was the queen of nerves. The Nervous Queen. 

She invented lying through one's teeth, and her raised eyebrow and penetrating glare made Henry feel worse. He hoped the tears in the corners of his eyes helped his case, although judging by how she shook her head, it didn't. 

"Call them!" He begged, using his best puppy dog eyes and shrillest voice before looking at his old boss. They winced at his volume, thinking he'd gone so high-pitched and whiny that only dogs could hear him. "Please!"

"All right, all right. Jeez..." Ray muttered, wishing to put his hands over his wife's precious little ears. He hated how she leaned away from the kid, who had really become a wimp in his time away from them. "No need to yell at my sweet girl."

Shaking his head, the hero gave his ex-sidekick a stern look—as if he hadn't had enough of those. Still, Henry couldn't complain when Ray fumbled for his PearPhone. Thanks to the freaky restraints, he was the only person with room to manoeuvre. 

It took some work, but he managed it, slipping the cell out from his utility belt before calling Danger Force. They'd undoubtedly be in a foul mood when they saw it was him, but to save his sweet girl? He'd do anything. 

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

It was safe to say that Chapa wasn't happy. Her piercing tone shattered their eardrums despite coming through the phone's speaker, and Miles didn't shy away, either. 

"You're interrupting screen time!" he bellowed, which was weird for the kid, who was usually so chill. 

"Oh, my bad, D-Force!" Ray said in his usual lighthearted tone, smirking at his sweet girl and the perturbed kid, "Just, uh, that me, my incredibly hot wife, are in a little jammy jam, but don't worry about it! We'll find another way outta this!"

"No, no, no, no! We need them to help us get out of here ASA-NOW!" Henry argued, sounding even more panicked and jittery than before, earning puzzled looks from the couple. "Please, come help us!"

"Sorry! Captain Man said you guys would handle this call," replied Chapa, who had no plans to leave her snuggly blanket or the sacred sanctuary of Mika's bedroom. 

"She's right, kid. This doofus did promise we'd take this call," (y/n) added, frowning when the boy ignored her soothing voice and tugged frantically on his cuffs. 

"We gotta honour it. Even if it kills you," Ray joked, although he would never let a thing hurt his beloved wife, flashing her a blindingly charming smile. 

"Please, come help us!" the kid pleaded again, feeling like throwing up as he got desperate. He bribed Danger Force with anything he could think of. He was shameless, promising them anything their little hearts desired as the drone's red eye focused solely on him. 

"What--what do you want? Captain Man and Miss Danger will give it to you!"

"What?" The couple murmured, glancing at each other with deeper frowns as the boy shouted into the speaker, giving away privileges he didn't have. 

"You want to fly the Man Copter? You want a bunch of puppies?! We'll give it to you!" He offered, neither of which sounded pleasant to Ray. 

The hero could see it now; his beloved helicopter spiralling to the ground or a bunch of mammals doing their doo-doos all over his Man's Nest, and the latter seemed worse. Of course, he had the best luck, and the children chose puppies - because who doesn't like puppies?

Hell, (y/n) knew which one she would pick, already imagining a little friend for Colin. She could already picture them setting bolt right up, eyes sparkling at the thought of cuddling with adorable doggies - a lovely image only ruined by Henry's snivelling. 

"Just, please, come! Please, come help us!"

"PUPPIES!" The kids cried in pure joy. Despite their morals and grand ideas about screen time, they'd do anything for puppies. 

"We're on our way!" With that, they ended the call, leaving the trio alone to await rescue. 

Henry's tummy was undoubtedly less choppy and churning, but his expression didn't change. He was pale and pasty as his knees shook, his back pressed to the wall in pure terror. He looked like a wimp, and giving away the Man Copter like a pound of tea? That was downright disgraceful. 

"Jeez, kid. What's got your brisket in a basket?" Ray asked frostily, glancing at his old friend as he squeezed his eyes shut and whimpered. 

The boy glanced at the man and then at (y/n), whose piercing gaze never left him; she was clearly waiting for an answer, and if anything, Henry was more scared of upsetting her than the monster coming for them. 

But, no matter how deep he was already in, he couldn't lie to her anymore, not when she searched his face and gazed at him with those kind eyes. And when she spoke? He crumbled. 

"Henry? What's wrong?"

"Okay, I gotta level with you guys," he gulped, nervously buzzing in place as Ray casually glanced around the store, ignorant of the situation's severity like usual. 

"Dystopia is really scary, and I kinda messed with some things that are so evil that I can't even explain, including this bounty hunter named Blackout that literally eats people's souls."

"Bounty...hunter?" (y/n) echoed as she felt the blood drain from her face and her heart stop. Now, she partially understood his terror, having thought hunters were legends relegated to old cowboy movies and sci-fi series. What the hell had the boy gotten himself into?

"...And he's hungry for mine, so I came to Swellview because I thought I'd be safe in the Man's Nest, but he clearly found me, and he's gonna eat our souls!"

"...So, you didn't come to Swellview to see us?" Was the first thing Ray asked, his eyebrows pulled upwards to make him look all wounded and pouty. 

Perhaps he missed the mark a little, but he'd never let this asshole suck out his sweet girl's soul - she was too precious for that. So, he wasn't overly worried, but he was undoubtedly hurt that his ex-sidekick ran away from his problems under the cover of a friendly visit. 

"Not really the time or place, doofus," (y/n) told him quietly, still remarkably holding her nerve as she processed everything. 

It was a lot to take in; death, danger, bounty hunters, and soul-sucking, but she silently agreed - it was a kick in the teeth to be an excuse. However, she'd prefer not to be in mortal danger when they were scolding the kid. 

"That's what I'm hearing, sweet girl," answered Ray, giving her a look akin to a kicked puppy, even as Henry tried to smooth everything over. 

"No, no, no, I did! I did!" He argued, trying to make the man-child feel better. "But I also don't want my soul to get eaten! And I needed to do some laundry...and I wanted (y/n)'s cookies..."

"Oh, well, it's nice to be wanted..." the woman retorted dryly, rolling her eyes at being reduced to a bakery and laundromat. Henry gave her a sheepish look, smiling awkwardly as he stared at his feet. 

"Are you mad?" He asked quietly, knowing he'd kept a lot from her, not to mention lying to her face and demanding cookies by the dozen. 

"Oh, I'm not mad, Henry..." (y/n) replied, resting her head against the wall while Ray tapped his foot against hers—he'd get what he could when they couldn't hold hands. She looked tired as her head lolled to look at the kid, firmly believing they could have worked something out to avoid this mess. 

"I'm just disappointed." 

Henry winced at that. He'd heard it a million times from his parents, but coming from his surrogate sister, (y/n) Manchester? It was like death by a thousand cuts to his quivering heart. He could take her being angry as a punishment, but knowing he'd gone down in her eyes? He felt like crying. 

"Ooh, ouch..." Ray muttered, having been there and heard that. He felt for the kid, although perhaps not as seriously as he should've done. 

"I'm sorry..." Henry whispered, not daring to look at her as his gut ached, feeling all low and nervous like he was gonna throw up. He'd never betrayed their trust like this before, and knowing what he did, he knew Ray would never forgive him for putting his wife in harm's way. 

"Don't apologise now, Hen..." said the woman lowly, knowing she'd cry if he cried, and she was trying to be firm. "It's too late."

"I know... I messed up."

"Yeah, you did." She nodded, an exasperated smile as she shook her head. 

Part of her wanted him to feel bad; if it weren't for him, she wouldn't have a peg digging into her spine, but he was as human as her--and she would've been a nervous wreck if she knew he was being hunted. And who hadn't told a lie before to spare someone's worry? 

So, she showed a little leniency. Perhaps she was tender-hearted, but she saw no benefit in chewing him out now, not when Ray had already given him a tough time for not visiting. That could wait for when they weren't about to be murdered. 

"But we've got Danger Force coming to get these things off, and when they do, I'm going slap your silly head for telling lies, young man."

"So, you don't hate me?" the kid asked as he raised his head, giving her the same wobbly smile as when they first met—full of nerves and hope like a little kid. 

"I don't think we could ever hate you, Henry Hart--" Just as (y/n) gave him her warmest smile, everything went black.

The lights fizzled out like there'd been a power cut, and that's when any temporarily good feelings in Henry's tummy vanished. A childish squeak passed through his lips, glancing around their dim surroundings with wide eyes to catch any movement. 

"What?" Ray asked with a slight chuckle, thinking his old sidekick looked ridiculous as he cowered like a frightened little lamb - not the almighty hero he was. 

"It's Blackout, dude!" Henry gasped, suddenly wishing he could run to his mommy as the couple calmly stood beside him. But that was only because ignorance was bliss. 

"Yeah, it looks like someone forgot to pay the power bill. Right, darlin'?" The hero joked, nudging his wife's elbow as she smiled and curiously looked around.

"No, no, no. It always goes dark before Blackout shows up!" The boy explained frantically, looking a bit manic as he tugged on his restraints. 

"Oh, this guy can turn off lights? Oh, I'm so scared!" Ray exclaimed sarcastically - as arrogant and cocksure as usual. 

"Why are you laughing?!"

"What else can he do? Unplug your amp while you're playing guitar?" He scoffed with a bright smile, which only dimmed when his dense brain suddenly realised something, making (y/n) glance away awkwardly. 

"And as I say that, I realise Schwoz might have done that on purpose, that little piece of sh--" 

Ray would have to take up that fight with the genius later and grill him on killing the groove. First, he would have to deal with their interrupting guest, who made his presence very well known when he kicked the door open and stomped into the store. 

A heavy breath left Henry's body as his nemesis stood before him, draped in all-black robes and an imposing steel mask. He looked like Death himself, and the kid would honestly say he was petrified. 

Even (y/n) gulped, not liking how this Blackout guy stood at least head and shoulders taller than her with huge hands that could snap her in two. Still, she tried to be brave, glaring at the villain as Ray confidently snorted at him, thinking he looked like a bug in that stupid helmet. 

"I should never have come here," Henry murmured, a foreboding sense telling him that the fiend would leave no witnesses behind, "I'm sorry for putting you guys in danger."

"Relax, if this guy puts one finger on my sweet girl, I'll kick his ass into next week," Ray replied, puffing his chest out at the bounty hunter as he flashed a cocky grin at his precious wife. 

He didn't look like much, standing there like a lemon--and his muscles weren't as big as his, and he wasn't handsome with that mask. "And this loser doesn't even have a weapon."

As usual, he spoke too soon on that one. With the press of a button on a small doohickey, Blackout summoned one of the bloodiest, craziest, and biggest weapons (y/n) had ever seen. 

It was like an axe from hell, spawning blades and spikes on either end of a long, steel pole, meaning he had double the opportunity to chop heads and limbs off. And she didn't doubt that he'd use it without a spare thought. 

"Okay, I'm taking that home after we're done with this guy!" Ray gasped, thinking it looked as sick as it was sinister. 

"We're gonna die, dude!" But Henry just shook his head, sniffing weakly as he presumed the worst. 

Unlike Ray, who imagined nothing but a sweet victory. Then, he'd move on to adoration and glory, followed by a peaceful retirement with his beloved wife and the family they would undoubtedly have. He definitely had no plans to give that up for something as stupid as dying. 

"Wait, wait, wait. I'm trying to think of an opening quip..."

"Is now really the time, Captain?" Miss Danger asked quietly, eyeing Blackout, who didn't seem as idle as before now that he had his big stick axe thing. 

"Sure, pretty girl. Okay, how about..." he said calmly, channelling his inner wit and doofy humour, "Knock-knock--"

"Doofus, look out!" Her warning came too late, and even if he noticed the bounty hunter owing, there wasn't much Ray could've done.

Blackout charged at him without a second thought, twirling and slamming the butt of his lethal axe into the hero's toned stomach to the sound of (y/n)'s shriek. The impact was so powerful that her doofus blasted through the wall, leaving a colossal hole beside her as Henry gulped, his mouth propped open. 

"Typically, you'd say, who's there?" The hero's weak voice came, strained and squeaky, from the back room where he lay. He'd be okay, of course, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt like a bitch. 

"Holy shit..." (y/n) gulped as the hunter ignored his victim's cries. Instead, he expertly twirled his weapon and glanced between her and the kid, seemingly picking between his prey. 

"Look..." Henry said pleadingly, despite knowing it was futile, "I'm the one you want, okay? Eat my soul, do you whatever you want to my body--just don't hurt my friends!"

"Hell, no, if Nightlight or whatever his name is wants a fight, he can have one!" The heroine argued, glowering at the villain, who she thought was such a coward. 

He didn't give his enemies a fighting chance, and she tugged at her cuffs to at least try and get a swipe at him before her doom. Yet, she didn't have the opportunity because, out of nowhere, a herd of children fell from the sky. 

It sounded ridiculous, but that's actually what happened. Before her and Henry's eyes, four bodies tackled Blackout from above, leaving him in a groaning heap. They blinked in surprise as Miles, Mika, Chapa, and Bose lay on the ground, wearing their uniforms, slightly winded but otherwise okay. 

"You guys!" (y/n) grinned, having never been so happy to see them, even if they were slightly grumpy from the rough landing. 

"Too high!" Miles groaned, having misjudged his teleportation, not that it mattered too much. 

"How did you miss the floor, AWOL?" Chapa hissed as she glared and clutched her bruised ribs. 

"At least we're here! We could have been in another country! Ungrateful!" The boy argued indignantly, thinking some people were unbelievably rude. 

Regardless, they marched over to their fellow sidekicks and quickly freed them, ripping away the freaky handcuffs. 

"Oh, my sweet baby boy, Bose!" (y/n) grinned at the boy as he gently freed her. She rubbed at her chafed wrists and hugged him before greeting her other babies, knowing she'd end up baking some thank-you cookies once they made it home. 

"Hey, why are the lights out?" Asked Chapa when she didn't see the warm, snuggly hug coming, which she would never admit to enjoying. The darkness hid her rosy cheeks, but they couldn't fight blindly.

"It's Blackout! He's a bounty hunter from Dystopia--" Henry answered as they worked at uncuffing him, too, only the girl quickly turned her back on him. 

"I've already stopped listening," she murmured, too busy searching for the convenience store's fuse box so she could jump the lights. 

Meanwhile, Ray emerged from the back room, still bolted to the wall he'd been thrown through. He waddled into the front with a massive chunk of plasterboard on his back, looking a little stunned but otherwise okay. 

"Doofus!" (y/n) exclaimed happily when she saw him standing there, his stature slightly shortened by the wall's weight. Still, he was a sight for sore eyes when the light returned, and she didn't hesitate to throw her arms around his neck. 

"Are you okay?"

"Always when I'm with you, darlin'," Ray replied charmingly, wishing he could hold her in his arms and kiss those pretty lips. But he'd have to wait for when he was free, sort of a sitting duck with his wrists restrained as Blackout got back on his feet. 

"Captain Man...what are you doing? Be careful!" The heroine gasped when Ray boldly toddled past her, having to walk on his tiptoes since the plasterboard threatened his balance. 

Still, he wasn't about to have some emo bounty hunter dictate stuff to him or endanger his wife, so he tapped him on the shoulder. Blackout turned around, mildly impressed to see the blue and red moron still alive and glaring at him, but Ray never went down without a fight. 

"Wasn't done with my quip. I said, knock, knock--" That being said, he was still an idiot. 

(y/n) winced when he took another blow to the gut from that spiky axe, stumbling backwards across the room until he fell onto his ass. 

"Stay away from him..." She told the villain coldly as she put herself between him and her vulnerable husband, clearly intending to fight. It was a little reckless, but she didn't care, drawing a quiet chuckle from the otherwise silent hunter. 

"Sweet girl, don't!" Ray called out to her, happy to say that if he were cut down now, the last thing he'd see was her perfect butt in that skirt, but he didn't want to see her hurt. 

In his mind, he wasn't worth it. He shouted at the kids to help her as Henry shook off his bonds, but the latter didn't jump into action. 

"Thanks, I owe you one," the kid said to Bose and Mika with a fleeting grin before running for the door. He really was a wimp...

"What?! Dude!"

"Henry!"

"Where are you going?!" Danger Force and (y/n) shouted after him, shocked to see the formerly fearless sidekick flee. 

Luckily, Chapa, having zapped the fuse box, was stationed near the door and blocked his exit, meaning he could not escape his problems this time. 

"The scary guy's that way, and he's about to peel Miss Danger like a satsuma," Mika told him, pointing at where (y/n) stood with Blackout. She looked a tad overwhelmed.

Maybe it was the fact she foresaw one punch and dodged it, only to receive a sneaky uppercut, or perhaps it was how he then grabbed her by the throat and lifted the woman off her feet that gave it away. Who knows?

"Looks like she's takin' care of him..." Henry gulped, knowing he was lying to himself again when his friend was mercilessly tossed to the side like a ragdoll. 

That gave the villain access to Captain Man, who quickly had to endure an excruciating beating from the axe as Blackout tried to chop him in half. Still, to look at him, Ray looked like he was merely being tickled, taking the swings and making jokes like a champ, albeit through gritted teeth. 

"After I say knock-knock, you say, who's there? And I say, my fist! And then, before you can say, my fist who, that's when I say, ah!"

"Captain Man!" (y/n) exclaimed, staring through woozy eyes as Blackout tried to cleave her husband's chest again, drawing a pained grunt from him. She tried to get to her feet, a little wobbly after her little scuffle, but she was more worried about him. 

"All right, I'll see you guys later. Tell Schwoz he can keep my dirty laundry..." Henry said, giving them a little wave before tiptoeing toward the door - as if he'd ever make a clean getaway. 

He made it about five steps, with Danger Force running after him, before (y/n) spotted him, and her visage darkened. The kid could practically pinpoint the moment her glare pierced him, but her booming voice put the fear of God in him. 

"Henry Prudence Hart! Stay right where you are!" The heroine shouted, and as she commanded, he froze. Henry shakily turned around, flanked by Danger Force's members as they shoved him away from the door and toward their boss. Their real boss - Ray could never be this scary. 

She didn't have to say anything, merely crooking her finger towards herself to beckon him over. Henry's feet moved independently, slapping on the tiled floor with encouragement from Chapa's elbow. He stood before his friend, who stared at him menacingly with her hands on her hips, not knowing where to start. 

"Just where do you think you're going?" she asked sternly, feeling like she'd called a child up for a telling-off in front of the entire school. 

"Home..." Henry replied, barely audible as he mumbled his words. 

"Louder."

"Home," he repeated, clearing his throat so she could hear him. This time, she sighed through her teeth, shaking her head. The disappointment was bitterly wounding. 

"Right..." (y/n) nodded in understanding, and for a quick minute, she seemed remarkably calm. But only for a few seconds. 

In the blink of an eye, she had her hand in the air before bringing it down on the nape of the kid's neck, slapping him on the back of his head as she'd promised. Each hissed word was punctuated with a slap, making him grimace as the sharp smacks rained down. 

"You're. Such. An. Idiot. Henry!"

"Ow!" 

"You better say ow! How could you leave us to fight this guy alone?!" The heroine said sharply, blowing on her fingers to cool them off, and she had no sympathy for his little whines. 

"I don't know! I--" he tripped over his words, nervous from having so many little eyes on him. He didn't need the children's judgment. They had zero idea what it was like, so he stared at his hands, the floor, and even Ray as he received another pummelling. 

"You what?! Huh? What, Henry?" But that merely made (y/n) angrier, and she glared at the boy as he failed to provide a coherent answer. 

"What could be so important that you leave me, Captain Man, and Danger Force here to die? Huh?! 'Cause you said, this guy wouldn't blink twice at murdering us!"

"Dude..." Chapa muttered dryly, giving the older kid a judgy stare as he shook. She despised cowards, especially the ones who knowingly allowed kids to do his dirty work. Still, Henry just ignored her, wrapping his arms around himself like a comforting blanket. 

"I can't, (y/n/n)! I just can't!"

"Why?" The woman demanded to know and stepped close to him until Henry couldn't take it anymore. His hands flew to his hair, tugging it in exasperation as his teary, bloodshot gaze met hers. 

"I'm scared! Okay?! I'm scared to fight Blackout!" He cried, and they all froze. It was an unexpected outburst, and not a word (y/n) often associated with the kid, seeing him as courageous and daring, but he was just a kid. 

Sometimes, it was easy to forget that - he was so young. 

"He's really tough and evil and...I'm just...scared."

"Henry..." (y/n) sighed, placing her hands on his shoulders so he had no choice but to look her in the eye. 

She was mildly surprised when she saw the little boy he used to be staring back at despite being so much taller now; he was still thirteen-year-old Henry Hart, and she knew him. And he knew her. "What's my number one rule?"

"Ooh, ooh! No capes!" Bose piped up, his hand in the air, as if they were back in the classroom. 

"Good, but no..." She smiled at his antics, liking his enthusiasm, but shook her head. She kindly looked at the tall boy, putting her hands on his smooth, boyish cheeks and squishing them together. 

"Even superheroes are allowed to be scared."

"Wow...you're really bringing that one back?" A grin broke out on his face as the simple utterance shot him back in time five years prior. 

He remembered every wobble he and Ray ever had and how she was always the one to soothe their worries with the right words. 

"It's true," she replied, pulling him into a tight hug and whispering... "It's normal to be afraid, but we don't just run away from the problem! So, stay here and help us fight this guy!"

"Yeah! Captain Man says you're the best superhero he's ever seen," Miles interjected, giving his predecessor a reassuring smile and bump on the arm. He was trying to be encouraging, but Henry was ever the pessimist. 

"That does not sound like him," he answered, knowing Ray and his constant ridicule. 

"He also says you have a surprisingly good singing voice," Bose added, making the kid smile coyly. He looked a little sheepish, his ears tinged pink, but if there was one thing his ex-boss loved, it was a sing-song, and Henry had been there for a few.

"I guess I'm all right..." he crooned, just as Blackout took another hit at Ray, slamming the electrified axe into his chest. (y/n) was anxious to go and help, turning to the boy with pleading eyes. 

"Captain Man says that we're garbage, and the four of us will never measure up to one of you."

"I disagree with that, but whatever..." the heroine muttered to herself when Chapa grumbled, staring jealously at Henry because they would never be him. They would never replace Kid Danger or what he meant to the superheroes, but they didn't want to. They just wanted to make it on their own. 

"I'm sure you guys are pretty tough...." replied Henry, thinking they had to have some talent - Ray wouldn't tolerate utter losers. And they had superpowers, right?

"Well, why don't you stay here, and we can show you?" Mika said, challenging the boy with a flash of her determined gaze, backed up by her twin. Even Henry couldn't help but feel fired up, knowing their support was behind him. 

"Yeah, let's take this guy down together." Everyone fell silent for a minute, half-smiling at the nice sentiment and half-cringing at how sappy it was. Chapa had to stop herself from puking, (y/n) gritted her teeth, and the others winced. 

"Was that cheesy? That felt really cheesy..."

"Eh...maybe a bit. Lil' bit of cheese," the woman told him kindly, trying to spare his feelings whilst Chapa didn't hold back. She shivered at the grossness of friends helping friends for the greater good and all that crap. 

But the small jokes and quiet laughs soon died down when the all-too-familiar bang of Blackout's axe coming down cut through the air. 

Everyone glanced back at Ray, who had sweat clinging to his temple as he endured another savage whack, and even the bounty hunter grew tired of the never-ending attack. 

"Why won't you die?" He growled, hunched over to catch his breath. Obviously, the hero hadn't let slip his indestructibility. 

"You ready?" (y/n) murmured to Henry, knowing she'd go for round two with that guy, whether he wanted to fight or not. 

But when he turned to her, the kid had a fiery glint in his eye and a cocksure grin that she knew too well. He nodded at her firmly and rolled his shoulders, loosening everything up to take on his greatest enemy - which he should've done in the first place rather than leaving Charlotte and Jasper in danger. 

"Let's ride on this fool..." Henry told her and the children, who all readied themselves for a fight. 

They lined up, fists clenched and feet firmly planted on the floor; the kid and (y/n) stood hip-to-hip with two kids on either side of them, hoping their powers would actually work for once. 

Immediately, AWOL thrust his fist into the air, disappearing in a flash of warm light before reappearing beside the winded villain. Before Blackout could even look up, he kicked out at his weapon, knocking it from his hand across the floor.

He backed off once he wasn't dangerous, and Volt went in, rolling across the floor as Henry and (y/n) dashed forward. The kid punched him first, and Chapa sneakily blasted him in the face with a bolt of lightning, stunning him long enough for the heroine to land a blow on his face.

"That's for hurting my husband!" (y/n) growled, hoping her rough slug stung like a bitch since he tried to slice her doofus. They went back and forth like that, punching and zapping him until ShoutOut yelled at them...

"All of you, move!" She ordered, giving the three enough time to hit the floor before she super-screamed. 

The violent sound waves knocked the villain to the ground with a grunt. BrainStorm finished him off, using his telekinesis to lift him into the air and drag him across the room into Henry's force field. It was like hitting a brick wall, leaving the bounty hunter firmly incapacitated. 

High-fives, giggles, and fist-bumps passed around the room as the heroes grinned, celebrating a job well done. Why the kid couldn't handle that guy in the first place was beyond them, but they didn't say anything, too proud to feel anything but pure joy. 

At last, Ray broke free of the handcuffs, having used Blackout's repeated assaults to weaken them. With a final tug of his super-strength, they shattered, and he was finally freed from the damn things - including the plasterboard. 

"Dooooooofus!" (y/n) exclaimed, leaving the kids by the door to run into his embrace once the man was on his feet. She threw her arms around his neck, and Ray grinned, easily lifting her up as he pecked her cheek. 

"There's my girl..." he whispered, spinning around before planting her on her feet again. Their lips met gently, earning a few whistles and groans from the kids, but the couple didn't listen.

"You looked so hot when you punched that guy..." Ray muttered into her ear, grinning from ear to ear as he squeezed her waist. 

"Yeah? You were watching?" She replied quietly, knowing the kids would see them whispering and make all those puking noises, but it felt like an age since she'd been in his arms--even though it was only an hour or two. 

She was pleased to have emphasised her hip movements during the fight when he was watching. She could tell which asset had captured her doofus' gaze simply by how he needily nuzzled into her neck. 

"Couldn't help it..." the hero answered, kissing down her neck before glancing at the crumpled villain behind her. Part of him was disappointed in himself that he hadn't protected her--left her to be thrown around by that asshole, and it fuelled his need for revenge. 

"Watch this..." 

(y/n) followed her hulking lover as he plodded toward Blackout, a little unsteady on his feet since he'd endured a few too many hits. Still, he loomed over the pile of black robes, glaring down at the hunter who dared to hurt his precious wife. 

"Hey, Blackout..." he called to him, only to get no reply from the snoozing criminal. "What'd you get when you cross a duck with a Shih Tzu? Blackout?"

"I think he's a bit...unconscious, doof," said his wife, who hovered by his side and grabbed onto his beefy arm, loving how muscly it felt under her hands. But that wasn't good enough for the man-child, who'd missed out on his excellent quip and lost his hilarious joke. 

That made him mad - furious, even - so he did the normal thing. He kicked him in the spine as if it would be a wake-up call. 

"Blackout!" He hissed, booting him again, but he didn't even squeak in pain. There wasn't even a flicker of life in the guy, making (y/n) look at the kids with a panicked expression. 

"You don't think he's...do you?" she asked, looking at them wide-eyed before turning to Ray. He blew out his cheeks at her, just knowing that he'd have to be the one to scrape him up off the floor and dump the body...somewhere. 

"Okay, that's your one for the year," he told Danger Force, who pouted that they'd lost their privilege so quickly - and Chapa didn't even get to savour it.

Ray got his weird, spiky, axey thing, which he quickly retrieved from Blackout's fingertips. Why couldn't she mildly maim a guy?

~The Man's Nest~

The following day was a sad one. 

With his fears about Blackout and instant death, Henry's brief but glorious visit to his surrogate parents was over, even if he didn't want it to be. Despite everything - the lies, secrecy and trickery - he enjoyed seeing them again, bonding with Ray like old times and eating too much of (y/n)'s food. 

He felt safe, loved, and wanted again, but with age came responsibility, and that was in Dystopia - he knew that now. He knew skipping town because of a few butterflies wasn't right, so it was time to put it right. And that would undoubtedly break the old man's heart. 

"Ho-kay, laundry all done," Schwoz said as he finished folding the last of the kid's freshly washed and pressed clothing. He'd nearly killed himself trying to clean the small mountain, but it was worth seeing that cheeky smile again, putting it all into a big sack for the journey home. 

"Thanks, Schwoz," Henry replied, tucking his PearPhone into his back pocket after finally responding to Charlotte. She'd give him hell when he returned, but he deserved it--and she was much scarier than Blackout. 

"I left a little present in the pocket of one of your pairs of jeans."

"Aw, thanks..." the kid grinned, a faint blush painting his cheeks since he wasn't used to such affection. "What is it? Like, a little piece of candy?"

"All I can say is...it's alive," said the genius, making the boy pause and give him a suspicious, concerned look. Typical Shwoz...

"What? Seriously?!"

"It was nice to see you! I love your wig!" The bald weirdo exclaimed before scurrying off, greeting Ray and (y/n) as they passed through the metal door. 

The kid frowned at what he said, touching his very real hair, but he ignored it, smiling sadly at them. He hauled the laundry bag over his shoulder and tried not to appear gloomy, knowing he'd never make it to the tube if the woman cried. 

"Don't forget your Nacho Ball!" Ray told him as he handed over a sack full of greasy deliciousness. Anyone could see he was smiling bravely, showing the kid his most charming smile as (y/n) reassuringly squeezed his hand. 

"Whoever sits next to me on the plane is gonna hate me..." the kid joked - anything to try and lighten the mood. 

"Because of the farts?" Ray sniggered, giggling with his old sidekick like children as (y/n) shook her head and sniffed. She promised herself she wouldn't cry...

"I keep telling you not to eat dairy," she scolded him, clutching the Tupperware box in her free hand like a lifeline, which she needed when an awkward silence fell over them. 

Over six years together, and she couldn't remember a time when no one had something to say...

"Oh, I made you some oatmeal-raisin cookies...for the flight," she said, quickly giving him the box, and her arms fell by her sides again, watching the kid try to juggle everything. "I would say save some for Charlotte and Jasper, but I doubt they'll last that long."

"No way..." Henry laughed, tucking the precious baked goods into his bag so he could nibble on them after the Nacho Ball. A final, familiar taste of home... "Thanks, (y/n/n)."

"Y'know...you don't have to go back to Dystopia," Ray told him slowly, hoping his last-ditch attempt would change the boy's mind. 

It was almost impossible and a little late to stop now, but he could at least try as he curled his arm around his wife's waist and tucked his hand into her back pocket. He needed an old, squishy friend to pat to settle his nerves. 

"No, I do..." Henry replied, glancing at the floor before giving his old friend a sad half-smile, "Running to Swellview just put you guys in danger."

"Yeah, but they took care of it, right?" The hero sniffed, gesturing to the children across the room, who barely knew what day it was, thanks to the adorable distractions he'd organised. 

(y/n) was unbelievably jealous. She stared longingly at the four puppies nestled in each kid's arms and wished he'd let her have one. She helped save the day...why couldn't she cuddle one?

"They sure did, dude. That's a tough group of kids you guys have there."

"It always surprises us how much grit and determination each of them has," the heroine replied, trying not to sound all babyish and pouty as she fondly watched Danger Force by their lockers. 

"Right, sweet girl..." Ray muttered, wiggling his fingers in the pocket against her butt, earning a light smack on the arm before his mischievous grin fell. "...Oh my God, they're baby-talking the puppies..."

"This was so worth it!" They overheard Miles exclaim as he petted his little French Bulldog, and the heroes couldn't help but smile. 

"Later, Dangers!" The kid called out to them, and Miles, Mika, Chapa, and Bose looked up from the cute creatures and grinned. 

"A-buh-bye, Henwy!"

"Byeeeee!"

"Have a safe trip!" They exclaimed in silly, squeaky voices, and to Ray's exasperation, they used the puppies' paws to wave goodbye, acting as if they were talking.

So, at last, the moment had come. Henry's flight was scheduled to leave a couple of hours, and he'd stretched his time in the Nest until the last second. Now, he had to go, turning to his tearful friends with a bittersweet smile. 

"Wanna hug it out?" He offered, knowing (y/n/n) wouldn't let him go without one. 

"Nah..." Ray shook his head stubbornly, hating the aching feeling in his chest like someone had clawed it out. He didn't want anyone to see him cry - especially Chapa - but his sweet girl didn't care, stepping forward and pulling the boy toward her in the blink of an eye. 

"Well, I do!" She cried, tightly looping her arms around the kid's waist and burying her face into his chest. "My baby's not leaving without his goodbye hug..."

"Best hugs in Swellview..." Henry whispered, savouring the warm snuggliness for a few seconds as she clung to him, nuzzling his plaid shirt. 

Glancing up, he saw the moody hero staring at them, a twinkle of jealousy in his blue eyes. When Henry beckoned him with two fingers, knowing he knew more about the woman's hugs than most, it wasn't surprising that Ray's stubbornness melted. 

"...Maybe just one hug." He conceded and quickly joined his wife, wrapping his arms around her and the kid so she was sandwiched between them. 

Henry patted the man's back as best he could, feeling the weight of both of them leaning on his body, and whilst it was immense, he wasn't mad. If anything, he savoured it, knowing he wouldn't have it again for many months; on the other side of the world where no one cared about him the way they did. 

"I'll call you when I get home," he muttered to the heroine, grunting slightly when Ray's arms tightened - keeping his two favourite people in the world right where he wanted them. 

"Don't forget..." (y/n) said in a joking, warning tone, having never felt so content in a hug before, running her hands up and down the boy's back. "And when you get home, you make sure to tell Charlotte and Jasper that I'm thinking about them..."

"I will..." he nodded, imagining his friends' grins when they received her love - even if he'd undoubtedly have eaten the cookies.

"And keep yourself safe," she added, stretching the moment for every it was worth. "And if you need anything, don't hesitate to call us. Not for a second..."

"Okay, (y/n/n). Don't worry..."

"I will worry..." She sniffed, feeling the tears pricking at her eyes, even as her husband's huge chest curled around her body. "I'll always worry when my babies aren't at home."

"I'll call..." Henry promised, squeezing her and Ray one final time before when his phone dinged. "Oh--that's my Goober."

"Yeah..." He was a bit stuck, trapped by her hug and Ray's immovable, muscly arms, and even though she loosened up, the man had no intention of letting go. 

"I gotta go, guys..."

"Okay..." (y/n) said quietly, trying to save her sobs for once he'd gone, but even after her arms released him, Ray remained. He was lost in the moment, his hand locked on his wrist as the kid tried to push him away. 

"Ray, I gotta go!"

"Doofus!" The woman groaned, feeling his hug grow a little tighter to the point where she felt like she was being steam-rolled. "Doofus, I can't breathe..."

"Ray, I gotta go!" 

Henry took drastic measures when he didn't respond again, pushing the couple away with a small, light force field. It wasn't too strong, knowing he wouldn't live another day if he hurt her, but it broke the guy out of his daydream, leaving them all tangled up. 

"Yeah, yeah..." Ray mumbled, draping himself over his pretty girl as Henry shook his head mirthfully. "Get outta here! Protect that Goober rating!"

"Yeah..." He nodded sadly, looking over his shoulder one last time as his PearPhone pinged - the sign of an irate taxi driver. 

The air was heavy and stagnant as he shuffled to the tube, feeling like he'd hardly been in Nest for two seconds, and now, he was leaving. But, there was one little surprise left...

"Ow!" 

To his horror, when he reached into his back pocket for his phone, something bit his fingertip, latching on and not letting go. When he pulled it out, he discovered Schwoz's little present—a delightfully tiny snapping turtle, much to everyone's confusion. 

"Gotcha!" An evil chuckle came across the room when the metal door rose to reveal the genius lurking behind them, kneeling on the floor in his stupid pinafore. 

"Schwoz!" Ray exclaimed angrily, but the little weirdo disappeared again, giggling manically as the kid flicked the little critter away and rubbed his sore finger. 

"That really hurt..." he muttered, stepping onto the tube pad with all his baggage as the hero stared at him longingly, wishing 

Who knew when his next visit would be? 

"Wait!" 

[silvercityofreblogs]

Thinking about the 4 beloved turtle boys and fireworks,

Leo would play with the simple fireworks stick type, he (sparkler was it??)

Donnie with firecrackers but I wouldn't say he's playing it but he enjoys hearing them pop as he observe for experimental purposes

Raph would definitely light the firework(rocket type) he likes to hear big BOOM (save for last tho)

there's a type of fire cracker that spins(sorry but I can't find the name) but I like to think that Mikey would light that up

I don't know whether to draw or write a short fun fic of them just having fun with fireworks. I just had this small idea since my dad bought firecrackers for the first time this year on the Eid season.

[solannecontinuum]

SOLANNE C’S CHARACTER OF THE YEAR! 2022 EDITION.

Very much delayed, but here it is!!! 

1ST: TELFOSO/KIDDE.  Bonding with Telfoso not only drew me closer to her, but learning that she embodies who is to become my own little mini Host rocket launched her into first place for 2022!  My beloved little goddess means so much to me.  She thinks trophies are some sort of hat, wwww

2ND: ELDER-KUN. It was a very close match between them and Kidde, but Elder-kun is still ever so beloved, my seraphim husband. ♥♥♥  It’s funny because he was 2nd place in 2021, too!  He, uh, seems to be glaring darts at another one of the Husbands.

3RD: STARSCREAM.  My Lord. ♥  Starscream is one of The Three Husbands for a reason, everyone!!  Known for always coming back out of left field and making me enamoured with him all over again~ ♥  Especially since he stepped up to become one of Telfoso’s fathers, thus bonding us together, it’s no surprise that he won a spot for 2022!  He’s being oddly peaceful, despite his rather intense rivarly with Elder-kun.

RUNNERS-UP: MORO.  A first time for this year!!!  We have Moro for runners-up because my sibling made me care for him a lot more than I originally did!!  My autistic turtle lover boy.  Never change Moro.  Let’s get trolled by our older siblings and be losers together!!

[veryimportantsparkles]

Leaf Green part 2: The Forgotten Source Reborn

I frequently say I’m a Squirtle fan.  Squirtle is my starter of choice and in nearly every Pokemon game since, I have chosen a water starter.  The exception is in 4th gen, where I picked Turtwig, specifically because it is a turtle.  When Sword and Shield released and we found out that Squirtle was not in the game (although Charmander was) I was genuinely upset.  When Squirtle (and Bulbasaur) was added back in with the DLC I was relieved.

I have a very cringe personal mythos for my Blastoise.  He is strong and brave and loyal and absolutely the best.  If Blastoise was my dad, things would be different.  His name is Tortoise, because I was ten years old and uncreative, and he was the solo powerhouse of my Blue version.  I actually remember very few of the Pokemon in my original file, because I didn’t need them.  I just overleveled Tortoise and had him Mega Punch literally everything to death.

Tragically, my Blue must have had a faulty battery or something, because one day my file was gone.  I was still ten or maybe eleven, I don’t think Gold and Silver were even out yet, this was incredibly early in Pokemon’s history and I was already experiencing accidental file death.  I tried starting over, with Tortoise Two, but the cartridge simply wouldn’t hold a save anymore.  I wasn’t TOO distraught, but I was definitely a little buttmad.  I would come up with dramatic fanfiction where my beloved Blastoise was killed by Team Rocket, as a tragic backstory for my Mary Sue trainersona who was also Ash’s girlfriend and James’s cousin.

When Fire Red and Leaf Green were released, of course I started with Squirtle.  Tortoise was reborn, and in my personal headworld he’s literally the same one.  I revived him, summoned him from a banished reality, reconstructed him from memories and love and Game Boy Advance magic.  He has continued to live a long and happy life, still in Fire Red, but maybe he’ll get to migrate up soon.  He’ll finally get to meet my Torterra, Tortoise Jr, named so because turtle starters are the best.

Because I’ve been working on my 3rd and 4th gen Pokemon games so much lately (completing as much as possible before migrating up, possibly up to 6th gen) I’ve remembered a dark little point in my history.  If I can justify Tortoise through imaginary necromancy, there’s someone else I should bring back.  Her name was Eliza.

When my dad first came home with Pokemon Blue for me, I ran straight up to my room to start the game.  Mom said I was hyperventilating and should calm down.  I did not.  I started my file, and picked a starter based on the cuteness of the sprites.  I actually picked Charmander.  Her name was Eliza, because it has ‘liz’ in the middle and she’s e liz...ard.  I took her as far as Brock’s gym and lost hard.  I reset the game, chose Squirtle instead, and cruised through the early game on type advantage.

I didn’t speak about Eliza, but not because it was a forbidden secret about my past.  I hadn’t built a personal mythos around my video games yet.  I was much more pragmatic as a ten-year-old than I am now, as a sad 32-year-old who is writing long Tumblr posts about necromantic turtle dads.  I just didn’t want to let the other kids at school know I sucked at training a Charmander.  I had been reading up on Pokemon in Nintendo Power for most of the year before getting the game, and I should have known better.  I knew the type chart, I should have known to train a little more.  As an adult, I also now know about the other various Pokemon available at that point in the game that could’ve made the fight easier.  But as a ten-year-old I was dumb as hell and pushed that file reset to the back of my mind.  Squirtle is my starter.

As a side note, at some point I had a copy of Red as well, and did have a Charmander in that one.  I shared that cartridge with my siblings and straight up do not remember anything about that file.  I don’t think anything was nicknamed.  That whole experience is walled off in my brain as non-canon.

Now, in my new Fire Red I have reconstructed Eliza.  I did some resetting to get a female Charmander and she’s doing well.  I decided to make it a goal in this file to catch all female Pokemon whenever possible, with exceptions made for that sacrificial Machop and for any gift Pokemon with randomized genders.  They’re going to have normal-person names that tie into their species in some cutesy way whenever possible.  I named my character ‘Rose’ (my middle name) in this file to distinguish it from all the ‘Megan’ OTs on my other Pokemon, and that will be the surname for this group.  Eliza Rose and her sisters.  They’re coming home.

It was VERY WEIRD to do the first rival fight, by the way!  I never experience the Gary battle with the Squirtle on his side instead of mine.  I never see the front sprite for Squirtle because I have the Squirtle.  I named my rival ‘Josh’ as a joke, and I laid in bed with the real Josh while I played.

“This feels so weird,” I said, “He has my Squirtle.”

“It’s my Squirtle,” said Josh.

“No it’s my Squirtle.  I pick Squirtle, I always have Squirtle.”

“Nope, I have Squirtle.  My Squirtle.”

“My Squirtle!”

“Nah, my Squirtle.”

How dare he, he doesn’t appreciate Squirtle.  Josh is a Bulbasaur picker, he has no business taking my Squirtle.

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

72 Hours In Montreal [Part I]

A/N: Many moons ago, the incomparably lovely @im-an-adult-ish​ pitched a Montreal concert fic idea (jokingly, I think), and quite a few of my followers fell in love with it. They were even kind enough to vote on which Queen member should be the love interest, and there was a clear winner: John! 

I couldn’t get the idea out of my head, and at last, here is the first of three chapters of this new mini-fic. I’m going to tag some of my past readers, but I WILL NOT TAG YOU AGAIN unless you ask me to. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy. 💜

Series Summary: John Deacon is a rock star at a crossroads. Y/N is a world-weary employee at a Yankee Candle shop. They’ll only ever have three short days in Montreal together...or will they??

Chapter Warnings: Language, sexual content (not graphic). 

Word Count: 6.8k.

Other Chapters (And All My Writing) Available: HERE

Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii​ @bramblesforbreakfast​ @culturefiendtrashqueen​ @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark​ @escabell​ @im-an-adult-ish​ @queenlover05​ @someforeigntragedy​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​ @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhyee​ @deacyblues​ @tensecondvacation​ @brianssixpence​ @some-major-ishues​ @haileymorelikestupid​ @youngpastafanmug​ @simonedk​ @rhapsodyrecs​ ​​​ @joemazzmatazz​​ @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhyee​​ @namelesslosers​​ @inthegardensofourminds​​ @sleepretreat​​ @hardyshoe​​​ @sevenseasofcats​​ @jennyggggrrr​​ @madeinheavxn​​ @whatgoeson-itslate​​​ @herewegoagainniall​​ @anotheronewritesthedust1​​ @pomjompish​​ @allauraleigh​​  @bluutac​​ @johndeaconshands​​ 

The obnoxious British men are still laughing. The one with the mustache, suspenders, and illogically tight red leather pants is standing on the tiptoes of his equally red Adidas shoes to paw candles off the top shelf so he can sniff them. The blond one has no less than eight jars balanced precariously in his wiry arms. Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing is billowing through the shop speakers.

“Oh my god, he’s gonna break something,” you moan in a whisper, covering your eyes but peeking through your fingers. Your apron is suddenly too tight around your waist; your cheeks are roaring with blood as you envision the inevitable confrontation: Sir, unfortunately you ruined some of our giant tacky overpriced candles and so now you have to pay for them. So sorry. Paper or plastic? We take Mastercard.

“Who?” Kevin asks. He’s holding a broom in one pudgy, pinkish hand and a dustpan in the other. He has surrendered.

“That one. Suspenders and moustache guy. Red shoes guy. Dorothy without Toto.”

Kevin cracks a smile. “That is frighteningly accurate. He is rather whimsical, isn’t he? Maybe he’ll click his heels and disappear back to London or wherever.”

“We aren’t in Kansas anymore,” you mutter in commiseration. Actually, to be perfectly literal, you’ve never been to Kansas in your life.

“Wait, I think I might have met that guy before somewhere.” Kevin squints with great concentration. “He looks oddly familiar…”

“Hm.” You check your eyeliner wings in your reflection in the cash register screen. From what you can tell, they’re every bit as tragically asymmetrical as you remembered. Spectacular.

“Staring won’t make it better,” Kevin notes, very unhelpfully.

“I know,” you reply, miserable, toying with your bangs so you can hide behind them.

“How does that even happen? The right one is practically a 90-degree angle. The left one looks like you drew it on with a Sharpie.”

You groan. “I’ll try to scrub them off during my break.”

“If you’re not too busy helping me sweep glass off the floor, sure,” Kevin says. “I told you, I took an electrical engineering class as an elective once. I could totally take a look at your bathroom.”

“I thought you said you failed that class.”

“No, I said I got a D in that class. Ds aren’t failing.”

“Well now you’ve convinced me.” You scrutinize your reflection again, frowning. You rent a rather dilapidated one-bedroom apartment above a bakery just a few blocks from the Yankee Candle shop. The apartment always smells like powdered sugar and baking bread, which you like. What you don’t like is everything else about it: the peeling paint, the low water pressure, the windows that you can’t wrestle open, the occasional mice, the shoddy electrical wiring. On any given day, there’s an approximately 27% chance that the bathroom light won’t turn on when you flip the switch. This morning you had been on the losing side of those odds, and with the only mirror in the apartment being the one mounted over the sink—and the overcast November skies outside offering painfully little natural light—you had haphazardly guesstimated your way through your makeup routine before dashing off to work. Your guesstimation skills, apparently, are not all that great.

“If he’s The Wizard of Oz...” Kevin points his broom handle from the snickering moustached man to the gangly, poodle-haired one who has been trying to decide between two candles—Christmas Cookie and Cinnamon Stick—for twelve uninterrupted minutes. He’s wearing a parka spotted with patches: a NASA emblem, a soaring rocket, a smiling green extraterrestrial face, Saturn and its rings. “That guy’s gotta be Star Wars.”

“Or Alien,” you suggest, clutching your chest and pretending to die melodramatically.

Kevin laughs. “2001: A Space Odyssey.”

“Close Encounters of The Third Kind.”

“What about that one?” Kevin nods to the guy who has large blue eyes and bleach-blond, fried tufts of hair sticking out in every direction and a grin that is simultaneously childish and foxlike. Under Pressure comes on the shop speakers, and the British men all start cheering and high-fiving each other, leaving their candles momentarily tucked under their arms or quivering precariously on the edges of wooden display tables. You are entirely mystified. “God, he’s gorgeous.”

“Bye Bye Birdie,” you decide. “Beautiful. Charming. Beloved by all. Perhaps a little dangerous. I can picture teenage girls sobbing themselves to sleep as he gallantly marches off to war.”

“You think he’s gay?” Kevin asks hopefully.

“I don’t think he’s dressed well enough for that.” The blond man is wearing a shapeless, polka-dotted sweater that has ‘NIVEA’ spelled across the front, for reasons that are difficult to fathom.

Kevin sighs, crestfallen. He suffered a nasty breakup with his boyfriend Patrick two weeks ago, and is enthusiastically on the hunt for a rebound to distract him. “You’re probably right. Okay, last but not least.” Kevin aims his broom handle at the fourth and final British stranger. “What shall we call him?”

You consider the man who has wandered away from the others. He’s wearing Levi’s, a black bomber jacket, aviator sunglasses, a mop of unwrangled auburn hair, thoughtful lines that break around the corners of his hidden eyes. He is browsing unhurriedly, perhaps even distractedly, through the fruit-scented candles. He picks up a jar of Macintosh Apple, sniffs a few times, then sets it back down precisely where he found it. He even spins the jar so it’s label-side-facing-outwards again. You warm to him immediately.  

“One of the James Bond movies?” Kevin offers. “He seems…enigmatic somehow. Esoteric. Yet still clearly leading man material.”

“Casablanca,” you say, not tearing your gaze from the stranger. “I can imagine him waving off some old flame on a foggy, night-draped airport runway, breaking hearts with sparse words of wisdom. Can’t you?”

“Oh, that’s exactly right!” Kevin sighs again, dreamily, yearningly. And whether he’s yearning for his ex-boyfriend Patrick or Bye Bye Birdie a.k.a. NIVEA-sweater man or passion or sex or love or maybe just the ineffable high that accompanies the beginnings of things, you couldn’t say.

You peer at your reflection in the cash register screen once again, feeling more self-conscious than ever. “Maybe if I—”

“Freddie!” Star Wars cries, and you whirl just in time to see The Wizard of Oz, whizzing around and giggling and preoccupied with teasing NIVEA-sweater man, stumble into the six-foot-tall tower of Christmas Tree-scented candles and send countless jars crashing to the tile floor.

“I knew it!” you unleash in a rush of misery and exasperation, the biting threat of tears in your eyes and the back of your throat. And of course, it isn’t just about the mess on the floor, it isn’t just about having to tell your manager and hoping to God he doesn’t fire you. It’s about your derelict apartment, it’s about your fucked up eyeliner, it’s about everything that’s happened in the past eighteen months; it’s about the never-ending feelings of helplessness and inertia and predestined ruin, it’s about not being able to get fifteen meters down the street before life throws up another red light, another jagged sinkhole gaping like ravenous jaws. And none of that is these ridiculous British men’s fault; yet still, in that moment the fury you feel towards them is overwhelming.

“Jesus christ,” Kevin mumbles, stepping out from behind the counter to survey the damage, his hands still clutching the broom and dustbin.

“You couldn’t just mosey around and ask which candles are on sale and maybe sniff one or two like a normal person?!” you explode. “You had to come in here acting like goddamn animals and destroy like a third of our inventory?!”

“I’m so sorry,” The Wizard of Oz sputters, looking at you and Kevin with wide, profusely apologetic dark eyes. Star Wars and NIVEA-sweater man are helping him to his feet, albeit with very spirited chidings. Kevin is grudgingly asking if he’s alright. Casablanca is already trying to sort through which candles are broken and putting those that survived aside. And when he casts furtive glances from behind his aviator sunglasses, they’re directed not at Kevin or The Wizard of Oz but at you.

“Freddie, bloody hell,” NIVEA-sweater man laments.

“I’ll pay for them all,” The Wizard of Oz tells you. “I’m so, so, so terribly sorry, you’re absolutely right to be cross with me, and I’ll pay for everything. Here, let me get my wallet…” He digs around in the pockets of his preposterously tight red leather pants.

“Uh…sir…” Kevin begins uncertainly, not wanting to break the bad news.

“It’s going to be hundreds of dollars,” you inform The Wizard of Oz. “Maybe over a thousand. You’re really going to pay that? Or are you just going to wait until we start sweeping up and then sprint out the front door the first chance you get?”

“Hey,” Kevin warns you quietly. He wants you to keep this job probably even more than you do. You are, by his own admission, far and away his favorite coworker.

“No, no, darling, please, let her scold me, I deserve it.” The Wizard of Oz at last locates his wallet. He sashays to the counter, brushing nuggets of glittering glass off his clothes, and counts out two thousand Canadian dollars in hundreds. “Will that do? You can keep the change as compensation for the inconvenience. And we’ll help clean up as well, has anyone got an extra broom?”

As you stare down at the money, shocked into speechlessness, three hulking men dressed in black come barreling into the shop.

“Lord in heaven, Freddie, what happened?!” one asks. He has a thick beard and an Irish accent and closely resembles a grizzly bear.

“I made a complete ass out of myself and am now trying to win the affections of this marvelous creature,” The Wizard of Oz replies, flourishing a hand towards you. “Is it working, dear?”

“Kind of,” you admit, still stunned.

“Oh my god.” The broom tumbles out of Kevin’s grasp and clatters on the floor. He points at The Wizard of Oz. “I know where I’ve seen you before. You…you…you’re Freddie Mercury, right?”

In reply, The Wizard of Oz only flashes an enormous, toothy, dazzling grin.

“Oh my god,” Kevin says again, a starry, awed smile rippling across his round face.

“Please don’t make his ego any bigger,” Star Wars pleads.

“And you’re Brian May!” Kevin replies. “And you’re…” He turns to NIVEA-sweater man, snapping his fingers, trying to remember. “Robbie…no, Ronnie…uh…Ricky…?”

“Roger Taylor.” But it comes out like ‘Rogah Taylah.’ NIVEA-sweater man extends a hand for Kevin to shake, not the least bit offended. “It’s a pleasure. Sorry about the candles.”

“No problem, sir!” Kevin squeaks as he takes Roger’s hand, beaming. The men in black—the band’s security, you’ve gathered—have descended upon the crime scene, confiscated Kevin’s broom and dustbin, and are rapidly clearing glass and chunks of candlewax from the floor and discarding the mess in a trash bin that usually collects only chewed gum and unwanted receipts.

“So I guess I probably shouldn’t have yelled at you,” you tell Freddie Mercury guiltily, all the venom in your voice evaporated. You’re no Queen superfan, true, but everyone knows the words to Bohemian Rhapsody and We Will Rock You and We Are The Champions. And Another One Bites The Dust. And Killer Queen. And Crazy Little Thing Called Love. And Somebody To Love. Your thoughts are suddenly a racing, indecipherable blur. Your knees are boneless. You’ve never met a celebrity before. Well, not unless you count professional hockey players, which you definitely don’t.

“No, you absolutely should have,” Freddie retorts. “I was dreadfully discourteous. I’m positively mortified about it. I should be punished severely. Have you got anything behind the counter to whip me with? A riding crop, perhaps?”

You laugh, shaking your head. “Not that I know of. I’m sorry I called you an animal.”

“I’m sorry about the candles. There, now we’re even. Wait, not quite yet.” He calls over to Kevin: “Darling, how would you and your friend like front row seats at our show tonight?”

The squeal that bursts out of Kevin is not human.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Freddie Mercury says, very pleased.

“This is really too generous of you,” you protest, although your heart isn’t in it; Kevin might legitimately strangle you if you screw this up, and you’re finding that you want to see Queen in concert too. It’s something to interrupt the powerless, unrelenting monotony; it’s like something that might happen in a movie or a dream.

“Nonsense!” Freddie announces cheerfully. Star Wars and NIVEA-sweater man—or, rather, Brian and Roger—are chatting with the security guys and nodding along as the bearlike Irishman reviews the day’s itinerary.

You peer over at Casablanca. Now that the floor is mostly clear, he’s migrating towards you and Freddie. You glance apprehensively down at your reflection. “Goddammit,” you mutter, manipulating your bangs again, wishing you could disappear. “I meet a rock star for the first time ever and I look like this.”

“It’s not that bad,” Kevin says, obviously lying.

“I like it,” Freddie tells you, propping his elbows on the counter and resting his chin on his knuckles. “It’s very goth raccoon chic.”

“My bathroom light wouldn’t turn on this morning and I was late for work and I guesstimated and that was clearly a poor decision.” Poor decisions are my expertise, you think instinctively, and feel a tug of something you don’t quite have the words for. Shame, grief, disappointment, a raw sting like a flame beneath your palm, a dread like a child who’s lost their mother’s hand.  

“I’ve offered to take a look at the wiring!” Kevin exclaims. “I told you, a D is passing!”

“Kev, babe,” you reply. “I really, truly appreciate your enthusiasm, but you’ll probably just make it worse. And then my landlord will hate me and keep my security deposit and write me awful references and I’ll have to live in an endless string of ancient, hideous apartments until I die.”

“It’s an electrical problem?” Casablanca asks, pushing his aviator sunglasses up into his unruly hair. His unveiled eyes are a blueish grey—they remind you of one of the candles, maybe Beach Walk or Bahama Breeze—and very direct. He stares at you and you stare back, and at some point you realize that everyone is waiting for you to answer.

“Oh, uh, yeah, I guess so. Sometimes nothing happens when I flip the switch. That’s the extent of my handyman knowledge, unfortunately.”

Casablanca nods. “I could take a look, if you like.”

Not Beach Walk. Not Bahama Breeze. Warm Luxe Cashmere, maybe. “Now that really is too generous. I couldn’t possibly put a rock star to work on my terrible apartment.”

“John’s got a degree in electrical engineering, that’s right in his wheelhouse,” Brian counters.

“Yes,” Roger says, grinning, teasing in a way that has absolutely no malice in it. “He’s more of an engineer than a rock star anyway, isn’t he?”

“Seriously?” Casablanca—John, you mentally correct yourself—doesn’t seem much like an electrical engineer. But Roger’s right: he doesn’t really seem like a rock star, either. What John seems like is steady and abiding and perceptive, attentive, unflinching. He studies you like some people study paintings, like you once studied paintings; not in a passing-by-in-a-crowded-hallway type way but in a patient way, a methodical way, with the quiet that comes from knowing that vision in the frame is older than you will ever be and will still be hanging on that wall when you’re bones in a box somewhere.

Freddie lights a cigarette and puffs on it decadently. Smoking definitely isn’t allowed inside the Yankee Candle shop, but you aren’t about to snap at Freddie Mercury for the second time today. “Oh, let him tinker around in your flat, darling. It’ll make his day.”

“Is it far?” John asks you.

“No, really, Casa…uh, I mean, John, I appreciate the offer more than I could possibly express but I—”

“It’s just a few blocks north,” Kevin says, and tosses you a wily smile.

“How convenient!” Freddie trills. “When does your shift end, dear?”

“Not until 5:30.”

“She can take a long lunch break.” Another smile from Kevin. “Honestly, there’s not much to do around here now that the Great Candle Massacre of 1981 has been remediated.”

“Splendid!” Freddie says, radiant.

You shake your head, very slowly. “This is the weirdest day of my life.”

“Then you clearly haven’t lived enough,” Freddie quips.

“Fred!” Roger presses. “Are we going to the bookstore down the street or not? That was the whole deal, we suffer through your candles, you suffer through our books.”

“You didn’t seem to be suffering,” Brian says.

“Of course I’m suffering. That cashier over there almost murdered me,” Roger slings back.  

Freddie sighs and rolls his large, dark, expressive eyes. “Yes, darling, of course, don’t give yourself an aneurism. We’ll go to the bookstore, John can rendezvous with us later.” Now he turns to you. “We’ll send a car to your flat at 7 to pick you and Kevin up for the show tonight. Don’t let John leave without knowing your address. Wear something deliciously opulent. Lots of sparkle. Maybe furs.”

“I make eight dollars an hour,” you tell him.  

“Or you could just wear nothing.”

“Sparkle and furs it is.”

Freddie chuckles and turns to the men in black. “Chubby, my dear?”

The towering bearlike Irishman replies: “Yeah, I’ll go with John. Don’t wreck anything else while I’m gone. Don’t get yourselves deported before the show. EMI will have your heads on spikes.”

Freddie pretends to be scandalized. “Causing destruction? We would never.” He saunters towards the shop door, jingling the bells as he swings it open, and waves like royalty. “See you tonight, darlings!”

“Bye!” Kevin shouts after him. And then, after Freddie, Roger, Brian, and the two non-bearlike men in black have departed: “Oh my god I just met Freddie Mercury and he’s amazing and he knows I exist and he spoke to me and tonight he’s sending a car to take me to a concert and I’m going to have front row seats and what if he invites me to have a drink afterwards oh my god.”

John, evidently unaffected, prompts you: “So your place is just a few blocks away?”

“Yeah. Just let me get my coat…”

The man in black—Chubby, as Freddie had introduced him—fetches your coat off the rack by the door and holds it up so you can slip inside it. No one has ever done that for you before.

“…Thanks…?” You button your coat, feeling a little like royalty yourself at the moment.

John pulls open the door, the tiny metal bells jangling, and gestures out into the streets of downtown Montreal. He’s wearing his aviator sunglasses again; the November wind gusts through his hair. You catch threadbare ghosts of cigarette smoke and cologne that the breeze lifts from his skin like pages of a book. And he smiles, just barely. “After you.”

You walk north together along the path of the sidewalk with your hands in your pockets, your breath fog in the cold, weaving through the bustling crowds of tourists and holiday shoppers, Chubby trailing not far behind and displaying his talent for keeping watch while not letting on that he is. To even your own horror, you can’t seem to shut up.

“John, this is so kind of you, this is completely unnecessary, you really shouldn’t feel like you owe me anything because Freddie already paid for the candles twice over and I was totally unprofessional for yelling at customers, even annoying customers, and Kevin and I are already getting a free concert tonight and so—”

“Okay,” John says firmly. “You have to talk about something else now.”

“I can’t talk about anything else. All I can think about is how ridiculous this is.”

“Have you lived in Montreal long?” he asks, very casually, as if you’re strangers in line next to each other at Starbucks.

“My whole life.” Minus a little over three years, but you don’t need to get into that. “My parents live over in Verdun, right on the St. Lawrence River.

“Sounds scenic.”

“It certainly is.” You’re trying not to look at John, because every time you do it’s hard to stop. You look at the cars rolling by instead. “This is super embarrassing, and I don’t mean to offend you, but what exactly do you do in Queen?”

He’s not offended; he thinks it’s hilarious. “I’m the bassist.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

“Does it?”

“Yeah, bassists are quiet and reliable or whatever. Bassists don’t terrorize Yankee Candle employees.”

“You’re not a Queen fan?”

“I’m a casual and appreciative listener, but I wouldn’t call myself a fan. I couldn’t pick any of you out of a lineup, clearly. Roger is the drummer, right?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Drummers are feral, almost universally. Which means Brian must be lead guitar.”

“And what do you think of lead guitarists?”

“Word on the street is that they are brilliant yet micromanaging egomaniacs, but I don’t want to bash your friend or anything.”

John chuckles, like there’s some joke you aren’t in on yet. “No, please, bash away. So you prefer bassists.”

And finally you do look at him, and you regret it immediately; because now you’re caught in the thoughtful crinkles around his eyes and the barely-there stubble of his cheeks and the playful curve of his lips and how the wind ruffles his auburn hair the same way it steals leaves off of slumbering trees. You almost walk right past the bakery. “Oh, wait, we’re here.”

You lead John and Chubby upstairs to your chronically irritating apartment. John removes his sunglasses, inspects your bathroom light switch, then asks if you have a specific kind of screwdriver. You bring him the toolkit that has lived beneath the kitchen sink since before you moved in and he roots around, finds what he’s searching for, and unfastens the light switch plate from the wall.

“Please don’t electrocute yourself,” you fret, as Chubby meanders around in the living room and tries not to intrude. “If you die your groupies will never forgive me.”

“Who says I’ve got groupies?” John replies, amused.

“I just assumed all rock stars do.” Your eyes flick down to his hands as he fidgets with the wiring; and you notice randomly—or, maybe, not all that randomly—that he’s not wearing a ring. You’re still ruminating over that when he returns the light switch plate to the wall, secures each of the four screws with a few deft twists of his wrist, and performs a test flip. The light turns on immediately.

“Mission accomplished,” John says mildly.

“What?! No, no way, no freaking way.” You flip the switch again. The light turns off and on obediently. You try it at least five more times. Perfection. “…How?!”

“Just a few loose wires. No great hardship.” He tucks the screwdriver back into the toolkit.  

You gape at him. “That took you…like…two minutes.”

“Aren’t you glad my band wandered into your candle shop and almost demolished the place today?” He rests his hands on his waist; his sturdy, skillful, ringless hands. “Anything else I can fix for you?”

“Definitely not.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

He stares at you. You stare back.

“Stop looking at my fucked up eyeliner.”

John laughs. It’s a delightfully clear, disarming sound. “That’s not what I was doing.”  

“I should fix my makeup and go back to work now. And you should probably go help your friends burn down the bookstore or blow up a Starbucks or do whatever else is on your agenda for today.”

“Soundcheck and dinner, actually,” John says. He slides the toolkit back beneath your kitchen sink, meets Chubby by the front door, and pauses there to give you one last lingering, laden gaze. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“In my best furs,” you purr in your most convincing Freddie Mercury impression.

“Or nothing at all,” John suggests levelly. And then he’s gone.

~~~~~~~~~~

It turns out better than you thought it would. Your tan, knee-high suede boots are celebratory without being too uncomfortable. Kevin brings you a faux fur jacket that he stole from Patrick during the breakup. You find a glittery black dress in the back of your closet that you once loved, then couldn’t stand to look at, then forgot existed entirely; but tonight it’s like you’re seeing it with brand new eyes. It fits even better than you remember. In the mirror, you look like a stranger and a hauntingly familiar acquaintance and yourself all at once.

Chubby arrives in a black limousine at precisely 7pm, parks along the curb next to the bakery, and honks the horn twice. You and Kevin dash down the narrow steps and climb into the backseat, finding complimentary cigarettes and bottled water and chilled champagne. As the limo rolls though Montreal under changing traffic lights, Kevin prattles on about the band, their history, their albums, their tours…and John in particular. He tries to tempt you. You resist valiantly…for the first fifteen minutes, anyway.

Finally, you sigh in capitulation. “Okay. Fine. I get it. What do you know about him?”

“I know he’s divorced,” Kevin says, wiggling his eyebrows. “I saw it on the cover of a tabloid a while back. Very contentious, spicy stuff. He’s got like eight kids.”

“He does not have eight kids!”

“Okay, maybe not eight. But he has a lot,” Kevin insists.

You rearrange your hair with deliberate flippantness. “What do I care if he’s divorced?”

Kevin grins. “You know why you care.”

“Stop,” you plead.

“Look, all I’m saying is that he definitely likes you. And you like him. And I haven’t seen you like anybody, ever, in the…wait, let me count…the nine whole months that I’ve known you. When was the last time you even had a boyfriend? When was the last time you got laid? Oh my god, it hasn’t been nine months, has it?! That’s way too long to go without sex. No wonder you’re so serious all the time. It all makes sense now. You poor thing. You’re in dick withdrawal.”

“Assuming that’s my problem—which it isn’t, by the way—if I wanted to get laid there are far easier ways to accomplish that.”

“Sure,” Kevin says. “But you don’t want just any dick. You want British bassist dick. John Deacon dick. Casablanca dick.”

“This friendship is terminated.”

Kevin cackles, pouring himself a glass of champagne that bubbles over the top and spills onto the limo floor. “I’m really glad you’re here with me. I’m glad we can do this together.”

You fill a champagne flute with bottled water and clink your glass against his, smiling. The limo is turning into the parking lot of the Montreal Forum. “Me too.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The backstage room that Chubby escorts you and Kevin to after the show is full of chatter and heavy smoke and roadies and fans and musicians and journalists, trays of hors d'oeuvres, wine and Stella Artois and vodka and tequila and rum, the electric promise of things that will go unmentioned in the morning. There are stacks of stereo speakers in the corner rumbling out Another One Bites The Dust. You and Kevin camp out on a green velvet couch—making small talk with each other to avoid making it with anyone else—until the band arrives.

John is still wearing his concert outfit: blue pants, blue shirt, a black leather jacket that gives him an edge like a knife. He passes out a few polite nods; but Freddie and Roger are undeniably the suns in this room, and the guests their planets. Freddie is soon surrounded by a constellation of followers and whisks Kevin away with him. John, meanwhile, comes straight to where you’re sitting on the couch and stands in front of you with his messy hair and his veil of cologne and his mystery-candle-blue eyes.

“Can I get you anything?” he asks in that calm, measured way that you’ve learned he has. “Rum and Coke? Moscow Mule? Hurricane? I’ve been on a mojito kick recently.”

“I don’t drink.” And you wait for the inevitable awkwardness that usually follows that sentence, when he says why? or seriously? or maybe just oh in wilted disappointment.

Instead, what John says is this: “No problem. Rum minus the Coke?”

You smile up at him. You can’t help yourself. “That would be perfect.”

There are innumerable drinks already poured on a table, dark carbonated liquid trembling in red plastic cups as the bass from the stereo speakers quakes through the crowded, droning, smoke-hazed room. John moves from cup to cup, taking tentative sips before shaking his head and putting them back down on the table. After each attempt, he casts you a rueful smirk before continuing on to the next cup. At last, he finds two unadulterated Cokes and brings them to the couch: one for you, and one for him. He sits beside you with one of his legs crossed over the other, a lit cigarette in his right hand, a red plastic cup of Coke in his left, and his eyes on you in a way that isn’t hungry or arrogant or restless but merely, benignly contemplative. You find yourself thinking of paintings in museums again, you even start to feel a little like one; and you wonder what colors he sees in you, what types of brushstrokes, what signatures scribbled in the corners of the canvas, what shadows painstakingly penciled in to mimic the angles of the sun.

You tell John about growing up in Montreal, about autumn strolls along the St. Lawrence River, about snowfalls and Mont-Royal and Chinatown and the Notre-Dame Basilica, about the exhilarating turmoil of the Summer Olympics in 1976. You tell him about how Kevin is in his last year at Concordia University and works part-time at the Yankee Candle shop for money to invest in his hair gel and travel fund. You tell him so many things he doesn’t notice all the parts you leave out. In return, John tells you about himself; not about John Deacon the bassist of Queen, but about the understated man who likes cars and electronics and the Beatles and tea in the evenings beside a roaring fireplace. And when his arm comes to rest on the back of the green velvet couch, and then across your shoulders, and then around your waist, it doesn’t feel strange at all. You lean into him as you exchange stories and clandestine giggles until you’re nearly in his lap, and that doesn’t feel strange either. And you haven’t had a drop of alcohol—you haven’t in almost a full year, in fact—but you feel a little drunk tonight, because your cheeks are hot and the room is blurry and the world is brimming with a pure, rose-gold, uncomplicated happiness.

The other band members periodically stop by to say hello, clutching their drinks and making stilted pleasantries as you and John smile drowsily up at them, looking nothing like the soberest people in the room. Chubby and the rest of the men in black are simultaneously omnipresent and scarce, which you are beginning to think is a requirement inked into their job description. Kevin, having been fully absorbed into Freddie’s entourage, is beaming and flushed and extremely, blissfully tipsy. And they all watch you and John not with scandalized sideways glances but with warm approval swimming in their gleaming eyes.

“I don’t think I’ve properly thanked you yet,” you tell John when you are alone again. “For improving my dreadful apartment. So thank you. You really didn’t have to do that. I hate that I marred your time in Montreal with unpaid labor.”

He shrugs it off. “I like fixing things. It’s what I’m best at.”

“Besides being an internationally acclaimed rock star, you mean.”

“I’m honestly not so sure I’m cut out for the rock star life.”

“You are, though. I saw you. I watched you all night.”

John just stares at you, and then he leans in even closer, inhaling deeply. You can feel the heat of his breath on your collarbone, your shoulder, your neck; goosebumps spring up across your skin like stars at twilight. “What the hell is that? Perfume? Lotion? Shampoo?”

“It’s probably sugar and baking bread, because I live on top of a bakery.”

“Does Yankee Candle make anything that smells like you?”

You laugh, shaking your head. “They definitely do not.”

“They should,” John murmurs. And with the rough whirlpools of his fingertips he turns your face to his so he can kiss you.

It should be kind of humiliating, right? Making out with some guy you just met on a green couch in front of thirty strangers, your hands getting tangled in each other’s hair, your lips meeting again and again, taunting darts of the tongue and quick painless bites and stifled moans and grasping tugs at clothes that you’re starting to wish weren’t there at all. It should feel embarrassing, you should feel overexposed, here in this land of unfamiliar expectations and accents and faces. But no one seems to be watching too closely. This must be so tame in the world of rock stars, it occurs to you; almost wholesome. And you can’t remember a time you’ve ever felt more at peace.

“There’s a pool table in the next room,” someone says, startling you, and you break away from John to discover Roger perched on the arm of the couch, grinning coyly as he sips his emerald glass bottle of Stella Artois. “I mean…you know. If you’re into that. John’s got all sorts of moves, we played for days at a time at Ridge Farm. You could challenge him to a round or two. Place bets. But be warned…he’s a total pool shark.”

“Is he?” you ask mischievously, clasping the lapel of John’s leather jacket. Even if you freed him, he shows no indication of retreating. He’s raking his knuckles back and forth along the length of your thigh that your little black dress leaves exposed, never venturing above the hem.  

Roger winks. “Just thought you might want to know.” Then he hops off the couch and disappears into the crowd again.

John is trying to keep his eyes locked on yours, and no lower. He’s trying to not be even vanishingly forceful. He’s trying not to sway you. But you know exactly what he wants. “Do you…?”

“Show me how to play pool,” you whisper. And you lead him through the shuffling bodies and boisterous, increasingly intoxicated laughter and cumulus clouds of cigarette smoke to the door on the other side of the room.

Beyond the threshold you find a pool table and not much else. It’s terribly unceremonious; it’s absolutely perfect. You can hear Blondie’s Call Me playing back in the packed room where the rest of the band is still reveling, the bass crawling through the walls to radiate in your eardrums, your bones. You lock the door and reach out to flick off the harsh florescent lights, but John stops you. You don’t have to ask him why. He wants to be able to see you. He asks if this is okay—again, wordlessly, with the forthright blue of his eyes—and you nod. And then he kisses you as you drag him in, breathing in his cologne and nicotine, tasting the virgin Coke on his lips that he drank just for you.

John tears off his leather jacket. You toss the faux fur that Kevin lent you to the floor. You climb up onto the pool table, and John follows you. You yank off his shirt, link your suede boots around him as he positions himself between your naked, down-soft thighs. And then John stops.

“Look, I have to be honest,” he says. His hands tremble as they cradle the small of your back, just barely. “I’m newly divorced, and I’m really out of practice, I mean really out of practice, and this is not at all my usual way of doing things, and if I’m total rubbish or only last like thirty seconds or something I just want to apologize in advance and swear that I’ll do absolutely everything I can to make this worth it for you. Because I like you. I really, really like you.”

“I’m a little rusty too,” you confess with a small, sheepish smile. But he doesn’t need to know exactly how rusty you are, or in how many ways, all those layers of blood-hued ruin that spin webs from the skin down to the marrow.

John seems relieved. “Then maybe we’re even.”

You’re not even, you’re nowhere close; but it’s comforting that he thinks you could be.

John kisses you again. His hands find the zipper on the back of your dress, and then the tiny metal clasp of your bra, and then the black lace of your panties…and then everything else as well.

~~~~~~~~~~

Afterwards, you return together to the green velvet couch in the next room, not with bashful swiftness but with your hands entwined, your eyes satiated and calm, your clothes unapologetically rumpled. The partying is winding down. The song pouring through the stereo speakers is In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins. And now you and John don’t talk very much at all; you just sit there with fresh cups of Coke, your head resting against his chest, his left arm draped around you, watching the rest of the universe spin on like a carousel as your feet stay rooted to the earth.

“So you’re the smart one,” you say eventually. “You must be, with an electrical engineering degree.”

“You’d be surprised. We’re rather erudite, as far as rock stars go.” He smiles drowsily down at you. “Freddie’s got a degree in graphic art and design. Roger has one in biology. Brian has the better part of a PhD in astrophysics. He might even go back to finish it one day. He probably will, just to be able to lord it over us.”

“Wow,” you reply, distantly, suddenly feeling very small.

“What did you study?” he asks you.

In truth, you never finished college; but you aren’t going to tell John that. “Something useless.”

John is intrigued, and perhaps a little concerned as well. His brow furrows with grooves like lines of fortune in an open palm.

“I wanted to be a painter,” you explain, smirking at the absurdity. “But the world doesn’t need painters anymore. They have pictures and videos that are just as clear as real life. They don’t need my fantasies or interpretations. They have reality.”

“I think we still need painters,” John disagrees, his calloused fingertips tracing lazy circles around your bare shoulder.

“Really?”

“Yeah. For when reality requires improving.”

You let a few moments of silence tick by. And then you put on your faux fur jacket, finish the last of your Coke, stand and find your balance on the low heels of your boots with exhausted, shaky calves.

John jolts upright, somewhat alarmed. “Hey, you don’t have to—”

“This was great, John. This was the best night I’ve had in a long time. So thank you for that. But I have to go home now.”

“Okay.” He studies you, processing. “Okay, okay. I’ll have Chubby drive you.”

“That’s really not necessary, I can get a cab…”

But John has already waved Chubby over, and the massive man appears serendipitously with an impossible degree of stealth. Kevin finds you, staggering, babbling breathlessly about all of his adventures, showing you where Freddie and Roger and Brian signed his chest with a black Sharpie, repeating the same stories on an identical loop every few minutes. As you leave, you offer John a brief parting wave; and he returns it, like a reflection in a mirror, but he’s wearing a pensive frown and eyes dark with thought. Then again, maybe you are too.

Chubby leads you and Kevin outside to the waiting limousine. You slip into the backseat, ply Kevin with bottled water, open the sunroof so moonlight and cold, reviving November air can flood in like a river.

Kevin is coming down now from the high of the champagne and the concert and the carousing with Freddie Mercury. He blinks, soaking you in, really seeing you for the first time in hours. “Wow, you had a good night with Casablanca. You had a really good night.”

“Yeah,” you reply softly, resting your head against the window and watching the stars and streetlights pass by above like seasons. “And it will never happen again.”

[remmushound]

Toddler Mutant Ninja Turtles, chapter 1; Hall of Science! @brightlotusmoon @selfindulgenz @scentedcandlecryptid

They were running. Silent feet pounding on stone and impressive forms guiding them over the gaps between rooftops fast enough to disappear between blinks. Like shadows, completely unseen, the brothers raced to the location of their next mission.

“Can I get another runthrough, Don?” Raphael called to his brother as they glided side by side, looking to each other mid-jump.

Donatello didn't need to pay attention to where he was going; his body was so used to the nightly activity that his feet guided him even as his mind was focused on other subjects. He tapped the band on his wrist to bring up a map of New York that immediately settled on his location and the path they would have to take to arrive at their destination; naturally, being the only one with such tech, and as second oldest, he took point with Raphael.

“There’s been a recent string of robberies in every major museum and science building in a hundred block radius. Just the normal stuff: jewels, gems, priceless artifacts, experimental technology—anything worth a pretty penny really.”

“And we’re sure this is our kinda thing?” Leonardo asked; for stamina, the turtle was not built, so already he was panting and coated in a heavy layer of sweat. Still, he was able to keep up quite easily with his brothers. “We do mutants and we do Foot Clan, we don’t do petty robbers.”

“With their MO, I am 99.8 percent certain this is a new mutant.” Donatello reported.

“And what MO would that be?” Raphael questioned.

Donatello cleared his throat and closed his eyes, sticking a finger in the air to annunciate himself as he spoke. “They break in without any clear entry or exit points, door and windows locked and intact, and no security cams or security sensors can seem to pick up on when the attacks occurred. And, most incriminating, they leave behind nothing but a water trail.”

Michelangelo whistled. “Did Piebald go all dark side? Can’t she do all that?”

“I don’t know Michael.” Donatello admitted, “But we’re about to find out. I’ve figured out a pattern in the places they’re targeting and I have a pretty good idea of where we can catch them in the act.”

Raphael nodded and gave an approving grunt. “Then let’s put a hustle on it!”

The journey was an easy and short one. They came onto the roof of the museum and, while they split up at Raphael’s order to find a way into the building, Leonardo took the chance to read the sign.

“New York Hall of Science?” Leonardo scrunched up his beak.

Michelangelo hummed and put his hand on his hip; he had just found a way in through the vent shaft. “Are you sure this is a mission and not just a Donnie field trip?”

Donatello’s lips curled down and he put a hand to his chest. “I reel at the actuation! Gasp! I, the respectable and beloved green mutant lad I am, would never ever do anything like that, never in a million years!” Wild hand gestures enunciated his dramatics. “This is purely professional!”

Michelangelo rolled his eyes. “I found a way in!” He pointed to the vent shaft and was easily able to pry the cover, tossing it aside and going to climb in.

Raphael was there before Michelangelo could do much more than put a foot in, grabbing his baby brother by the shell to pull him out and plop him back down on the safety of the roof.

“Leader goes first!” Raphael declared proudly. Then he immediately melted into soft coos and kneeled beside Michelangelo, pinching the box turtle's cheeks and rubbing his head, “I can’t have my baby brother getting hurt can I?”

He stood up again and gave the seething Michelangelo a final pat on the shoulder before jumping into the vents without a care as to where they led. Michelangelo tried to follow after, but he was forced back by sharp nudges from Leonardo and Donatello as they side-checked him before ducking inside. Michelangelo was the last one in the vents and the last one out.

The brothers fell one by one from the vent shaft, landing with solid, yet muffled thumps as the stealth mode drilled into them took over. The building was completely dark, but that was expected given the fact it was long after hours and the security guards and workers had all gone home for the night.

“Nice.” Leonardo whistled, eyes going white as they scanned across the dark room. “Now this is more my style!”

The museum, despite its namesake, didn't much resemble a museum as it did an indoor playground. There were several exhibits quartered off with rope and chains; a rocket ride that resembled a better, cooler version of a coin-operated horse, a trampoline with a harness attached to a bungee cord, several displays showing off depictions of the solar system or sand dollars you could dig for in a sand pit or a small chemical set for little experiments. It was like something straight out of a child's imagination! Michelangelo had to rub his eyes several times just to be sure he was actually seeing it.

Donatello stepped in front of the awed group and gave a bow before motioning widely to the room. “Welcome, dear brothers, to the greatest place on earth if you happen to be a science child! Ohhh I’ve always wanted to come here!” Donatello practically melted, his eyes shimmering with the child-like wonder as he leaned his full weight on his bo staff. He sucked in a shaky gasp and one of his spider arms deployed to offer him a tissue. “It’s so beautiful.”

“I guess.” Raphael laughed, smiling at the sight of his brother happy as could be. “But I don’t really see how this fits our thief's MO…”

“Allow me to elaborate!” Donatello declared, spinning on his heels to face his brothers again as he threw purple sparkles into the air, “This museum of wonder and extravagance will be displaying the illusive and highly controversial trillion-sided die in their Math-mania exhibit this Saturday eve! School children from all over with come to marvel as this beautiful piece of scientific—“

“Woah woah woah, trillion-sided die?” Leonardo interrupted, fixing Donatello with his ‘I don’t believe you’ eyes, “That sounds totally made up!”

Donatello gasped as if Leonardo’s words were a personal affront. “I assure you the trillion-sided die is a hundred percent, genuine marvel of the world—“

“How could there be a trillion sides?” Leonardo asked, “Who counted all them sides!”

“T...they clearly had a highly advanced expert to prove—“

“Another question,” Leonardo raised his hand, “How big is the die? It’s gotta be pretty big to have a trillion sides.”

“I… It’s a… it’s just a regular sized die!”

“Then are the sides all like… really small or… or how did they do that?” Leonardo leaned against a wall and smirked.

Michelangelo was quickly growling bored with the argument and his eyes began to wander, searching for some movement or stimulation to keep his mind happy. What he found instead was a wet spot on the floor, and once he saw it, it was impossible to unsee it. It was like someone had been carrying a bucket full of water with the bottom full of holes, dripping it all the way through the walkway and then around a bend and out of sight.

“Guys—!” Michelangelo tried to get their attention. He was met with a finger pressed to his lips to silence him.

“Shush, Angelo. Big boys are talking!”

Michelangelo’s hands became fists and he growled. If he had been in a cartoon, steam would have poured out of his ears! But before he could try again to call their attention, Leonardo had jumped forward, leaning his entire weight on Michelangelo’s head to point.

“Hey look! A water trail!”

Raphael came over grinning. “Good job Leo! Great find!”

“Oh come on!” Michelangelo groaned loudly.

[superman86to99]

Superman #84 (December 1993)

Superman takes a short Paris vacation! Like, one day short. What's the worst that could happen?

Oh, man.

So, for the past few issues, we've been hearing about children being abducted in Metropolis. Now we see that they're being kept inside a giant toy house by some creepy bald man in Quasimodo clothes who seems to be obsessed with toys -- a "Man of Toys," if you will. Side note: no wonder the children haven't been found... all the articles about them are just gibberish! (See clip below.)

The kidnapper thinks that these kids' parents don't deserve them, and that they're much better off here, in an underground hideout with a man who threatens to starve them if they don't play with him. (And I do mean literally play, with action figures and stuff.) Meanwhile, as these children cry for help, Superman is having the time of his life. While helping move a stranded ship with some huge-ass chains, Superman spots a sunken galleon with a treasure chest inside and fantasizes about keeping the booty...

...before turning it over to the authorities anyway, the big boy scout. Then, he wakes up Lois at 6 AM and tells her they should go to Paris right now, which usually means your significant other is having a mental breakdown, but in this case they can actually do it. And so, after deciding that he deserves to use his powers for fun every once in a while, Superman and Lois drop everything and fly to France with super-speed for the rest of the day/issue.

Anyway: back to the child abduction! Cat Grant and her son Adam attend a Halloween party at Adam's school, but there's a disturbed weirdo in a hideous costume lurking among the crowd. Yes, I'm talking about Jimmy Olsen in his Turtle Boy suit.

Shortly after that, a guy in a dinosaur costume (see, all the creeps are dressed as reptiles) lures Adam out of the party with the promise of "superb video games." What child could resist that? Of course, that turns out to be the kidnapper and Adam ends up in his hideout along with the rest of the missing children and, worst of all, not a single "Lextendo" console.

The kidnapper gets angry at Adam when he refers to the toys at the hideout as "old-fashioned junk" (he was REALLY looking forward to those video games), and even angrier when Adam tries to free the other kids. Adam is brave and puts up a good fight, but...

And those were Adam Morgan's final words. "Uh-oh."

Next, we have a pretty harrowing scene of Detective Turpin letting Cat know Adam’s body was found, and Jimmy and Perry White taking her to the morgue to identify the body (most people probably wouldn't bring their former boss to something like that, but Perry sadly knows more than most about losing a kid). As for Lois and Clark, they were gone so long that the Daily Planet had time to print a headline about the murders. The issue ends when the lovebirds walk into the office smiling like two people who just spent the night fooling around in Paris... only to feel like jackasses when they find out what happened.

To be continued!

Character-Watch:

And that's it for little Adam Morgan who, unlike the also tragically diseased Jerry White, didn't even get any post-death appearances. Adam went from a little kid scared of Superman, to a huge brat, to a character who was approaching likeability as of last week. That's why I hate it when DC kills off young characters like Adam or Liam Harper: in long-form storytelling, children represent potential. Look at how much Wally West or Dick Grayson evolved over the years compared to their mentors! Sure, there's a huge probability that Adam would have ended up disappearing from comics for 25 years anyway, but who knows, maybe we'd now know him as Teen Gangbuster or something. GangbusTEEN.

This issue also represents a turning point for the kidnapper, who is never named or seen clearly in the story itself but I don't think I'm shocking anyone by spoiling the fact that he's Toyman (it's in the cover, for one thing). In his last two appearances before this storyline, Toyman helped Superman save some kids from Sleez and looked genuinely sad to learn about Superman's death, so this is a pretty dramatic change for the character. We'll find out why he went from big softy to child killer in Superman #85 (but don't get your hopes up).

Plotline-Watch:

The most disturbing part of the issue, all things considered, is still the part where Toyman climbs into a giant crib and hugs a huge stuffed bunny. Look at serial killer Tommy Pickles here:

Don Sparrow says:  “Even with the upgrade, Toyman is still just a man in a suit, a common complaint about Superman’s rogues gallery.” Funny you should say that, because I JUST shared an old Wizard interview in our Twitter in which Dan Jurgens talks about how Doomsday came out of his frustration with the fact that most Superman villains are dudes in suits (plus other interesting tidbits from the era, like how it was actually Roger Stern’s idea to bring back Hank Henshaw, so check out that link!).

Don again: “The entire Superman storyline of this issue feels like filler. Diving for buried treasure and soaring off to Paris -- it all feels like wasted time next to the Adam storyline.” I have a theory that the entire ship sequence is there as an excuse to put Superman in those big chains and make that Spawn joke (which I didn’t get until now, since I’ve always read this issue in Spanish).

Superman says that pulling that big ship was "a little easier than expected" -- that's either another hint that there's something going on with Superman's powers since he came back, or a subtle dig at the state of American ship manufacturing.

Another adorable "window tap" scene for the books, and this is the sexiest one so far. Is it me or has Jurgens started copying more than just Teri Hatcher's hairdo from Lois & Clark? (For anyone who thinks Lois has gotten implants, I refer you to this clip.)

While in Paris, Lois asks Clark if he's ever wondered what would happen if his rocket had landed in other countries. Don: “Clark’s conversation with Lois sounds like a bunch of concepts for Elseworlds stories. We eventually would see a Russian Superman, and a British Superman, but not yet the French Superman. (Hire us, DC!)” Yep, got my French Superman pitch ready, Jim Lee. Or just let us do Russian Superman again, since Red Son wasn’t even the first time you published that idea.

Don once more: “Another thing that makes no sense about the ‘new’ Toyman is his resentment of technological toys—when in previous appearances he himself had deadly high-tech toys to vex Superman over the years.” I especially resent his hatred of video game consoles. Incidentally, I wonder what types of games are available for Adam’s beloved Lextendo. Star Lex 64? Mega Man Lex? Sonic the Hedgehog 3 & Knuckles & Lex?

No one is more upset at Lois and Clark for going AWOL than Whit. NO ONE. He's so furious that his usually grey mustache turned black.

Patreon-Watch:

As always, shout out to our patrons, Aaron, Murray Qualie, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Samuel Doran, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush and Raphael Fischer! Last month’s exclusive Patreon article was about the recently unearthed sequel to Superman 64 for the PlayStation, featuring Metallo, Parasite, and Lois looking even hotter than in this issue:

Hot damn. Find out more at https://www.patreon.com/superman86to99!

And believe it or not, Don Sparrow has even more to say about this issue. Read his section after the jump:

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow​):

I should start off my section with a big caveat:  I flat out hate this issue. There were several weird decisions made in the post-Death-and-Return era (most of them along the same lines of making the Superman titles more grim-and-gritty), and this story was one of the worst of them.  My theory is that, despite the praise and record-breaking sales of the Death and Return storyline, the Superman creative team felt pressure to have more extreme storylines, perhaps in response to the wildly successful Image books coming out at the time.  Between this story, and the upcoming “Spilled Blood” storyline, the Super books take a hard—but temporary--turn into more violent and upsetting storytelling—even though these stories are by the same writers as the previous few years. While death has always been a part of comics, and Superman comics was no exception, there is a jarring glibness and unfeeling toward the way violence is handled in these pages that is quite different from the stories that preceded it.  It’s made all the more jarring by the fact that well-established personalities suddenly veer wildly out of character, Toyman chief among them.  

We start with the cover, and while it is technically well-drawn (by the familiar team of Jurgens and Breeding) it’s also a very upsetting visual.  I think they should have gone with the pieta type pose with Adam and Superman, OR the scary badass bowie-knife Toyman (who apparently has a Cheshire cat smile now) but not both.  But the cover is a good hint at the tonal dissonance of the comic within.

We open with a splash of the now-extreme 90s looking Toyman, with his serial killer shaved head and spooky cloak, ignoring the pleas of hungry kids he has locked up in a tiny jail cell for days at a time (if that sentence doesn’t ring alarm bells for how wrong this is for a Superman story, I don’t know what will). For much of the issue Toyman’s eyes are obscured by glare on his lenses, further de-humanizing a character who was once one of Superman’s more empathetic bad guys.

We cut to Superman tugboating a huge tanker with giant chains and it’s a cool visual (one repeated in the Batman V Superman film).  It feels especially out of place to focus on, given how upsetting this issue is otherwise, but throughout the whole comic, Lois is drawn smoking hot, especially on the two page spread on pages 9-10.

The scenes depicting the actual murder, while still wildly out of place in a Superman comic, are well done, and give a real sense of darkness and menace, which I suppose is the intent.  Perhaps my least favourite visual is the Big Bird stuffie, silently bearing witness to what’s about to occur.

The edges of the panels on get more slashy and off-kilter (to me, looking very much like the layouts more typically seen in Image comics of the day) and I suppose I appreciate the restraint of how little Dan Jurgens shows of the death of a child, showing only a bloody slash on a black background.  This is still a pretty baroque image for a Superman comic, but certainly less violent than it could be, given what is happening.

Cat Grant’s silent horror is well staged, and powerful in its way.   Lastly, Clark Kent bending in sorrow and regret is a powerful image.

While this issue is handled marginally better, and more maturely than other comics on the shelf at this time, I still believe it is one of the biggest mistakes of the era.  Giving a long-established character an unceremonious death for shock value is gross on its own, but making it a child definitely crosses a line for me.  Making it worse is that, while the Toyman is a criminal and a killer, he has shown in past issues (a similar kidnapping storyline involving Sleez) that he genuinely cares for the well-being of children.  So for a long-time reader, this also felt like a betrayal of a long-established, fully developed character.   Adding to the ugliness of this is that Adam dies heroically, trying to free the children who have been caged, unfed, for days, but even in that regard, he fails.  The headline at the end of the issue confirms all the children are dead.  Adam’s death did not buy the other kids enough time to get away. It was all for nothing. Had Adam died, but the other children lived, maybe this issue wouldn’t leave quite as bad a taste. [Max: It’s weird because it’s all told in a way where it’s told in a way where it would make sense, narratively and within the story universe, that the other kids survived, but then it’s almost casually revealed that nope, they died too. A scene of one of the kids relaying Adam’s heroism to Cat in a future issue would have gone a long way.]

Superman doesn’t come off well in these pages, either.  It’s honestly the type of story they should just stay away from, because the more you think about all the calamity that is going on around the clock, the less defensible the whole Clark Kent persona becomes. Superman carving out time to romance his fiancée directly led to the preventable deaths of innocent children—how do you come back from that?

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

I’m always looking for hints that perhaps Jimmy or Perry know Superman’s secret identity deep down, and Jimmy’s anger at Lois and Clark on their return to the Daily Planet offices would seem to give that theory some credence, as he’s as angry at them as if he knew Clark really were Superman.  Either that, or he’s ticked that it fell to him, and none of them to escort Cat into the morgue. [Max: Has this issue finally converted you to the “Jimmy is terrible” side now, Don?]

I don’t think I’m the only one who disliked the new Toyman—SPOILERS BE HERE: years later, in Action Comics #865, Geoff Johns retconned this whole story, reverting Schott into the criminal who over-relates to kids, rather than the child-killer of this story.  Apparently the infantile Schott, who speaks to “Mother” a la Norman Bates, is a robot so lifelike it fools even Superman, and the “Mother” he’s constantly replying to was the real Winslow Schott trying to recall the malfunctioning robot. [Max: That’s one Geoff Johns retcon I really didn’t mind, even if it felt kind of derivative of his similar “all the Brainiacs are robots made by the real Brainiac” reveal.]

[ducktracy]

187. daffy duck & egghead (1938)

release date: january 1st, 1938

series: merrie melodies

director: tex avery

starring: mel blanc (daffy, turtle, duck), danny webb (egghead)

starting off the new year with a bang—the first cartoon of 1938 is one of my favorites! two tex avery creations, daffy and egghead, make their second appearances paired together.

both characters have gotten a makeover, though egghead’s is more drastic: he now has hair and talks in a dopey drawl courtesy of danny webb. daffy, on the other hand, now has blue irises and a matching ring around his neck—this design would be exclusive to this short only. but, it IS the first cartoon to pen him as daffy duck! he’d appear in a number of looney tunes shorts with porky as the year would go on.

like so many other “hunter vs prey” shorts, egghead is determined to hunt daffy. daffy, however, is prepared to do everything in his power to make egghead miserable.

ben hardaway, who would have been directing his own cartoons at the time of this cartoon’s release, is the writer, and it shows throughout. ben is notable for his more hayseed sense of humor, relying on puns so corny you’ll be flossing your teeth for a week to remove the kernels. his punny touch is noticeable right at the start, with daffy and egghead bursting out of literal nutshells in an odd little introductory sequence. irv spence does some nice animation here: daffy shakes his fists in the glory, soon to be interrupted by the fire of egghead’s gun. egghead chases after a HOOHOOing daffy, the smoke from the gun spelling out to the audience “DUCK SEASON STARTS TODAY”.

the scene is odd, but more so out of uniqueness rather than perplexity. one wonders how tex really would have prefaced the cartoon if he were paired with another writer instead.

in a tradition that would carry out into tex’s MGM days, one of our first impressions of the short is a facetious disclaimer:

a sense of tranquility is established through a soft, sweeping rendition of “morning song” from the william tell overture. various gorgeously painted backgrounds fade into each other to convey the passage of time and rise of the sun, each background absolutely stunning in its own right. in a tex avery cartoon, such peace and harmony can only mean one thing: chaos is soon to follow.

our eponymous hunter creeps onto the screen, remarking aloud on the eerie stillness of his surroundings. “i wonder if there are any more hunters out here this morning.” right on cue, a swarm of hunters pop out of the reeds, reciting a popular catchphrase from the ken murray show reused in many a ‘30s WB cartoon: “whoooooooooa, yeaaaaah!”

the sound of quacks ring out from the recesses of the reeds, turning egghead on the alert. just as he prepares to hunt his prey, a signature avery gag of epic proportions interrupts the scene... literally. 

tedd pierce’s silhouette darkens the screen as he makes his way to his movie seat--a latecomer. egghead spots him and urges him to sit down and not scare away his prey. the latecomer does so, only to rise up again and change seats. our frustrated sportsman urges the silhouette to sit down again, which he does so. the silhouette never utters a word, and that’s the best part. the matter of fact delivery of the gag, the control of it all is what makes the gag so funny. such even temperament from the silhouette juxtaposes starkly with the wild nature of avery cartoons. the normal is now the ridiculous. 

when the silhouette snoops around for a better seat once more, egghead loses all patience and fires his gun straight at the silhouette. tedd pierce’s theatrics are hilarious--he twirls around, clutching his heart, hamming up his injury to the last drop. the anticipatory drum-roll as egghead looks on brings the entire act together. finally, pierce collapses, much to the contentment of egghead. he merely rubs the dust off his hands in a job well done and continues where he left off.

cartoon characters shooting audience members isn’t an alien move in warner bros. cartoons (bugs in rhapsody rabbit, daffy in the ducksters), yet the inclusion of the silhouette and its subsequent dramatics brings a new level of inclusion with the audience. imagine what an uproar this would get in a packed house! it’s a great way to break the barrier between cartoon characters and the audience. WB did a great job of making the audience feel included. hell, a majority of daffy’s character throughout the ‘40s hinges on this! but that’s an analysis for another time.

speaking of daffy, he’s the perpetrator of those quacking sounds in the reeds. egghead parts the plants to see if his prey is still there. he is—daffy gives him a viscious bite on egghead’s bulbous nose before going back into hiding.

“that duck’s craaaa-zy!” daffy pops his head out of the reeds again, shrieking a reply of “you tellin’ me? WOO WOO WOOHOO!”

daffy’s voice is significantly more shrill than his dopey guffaws in porky’s duck hunt. in fact, it’s so shrill that this could easily be considered one of his most annoying cartoons. though his 100% screwy, totally out of his mind personality isn’t my favorite personality for him, it’s still pretty damn great! so if you like obnoxious daffy (like me), this is a short for you. if you can’t stand him being a lunatic, stay away!

with that, daffy takes an exit, whooping and shrieking all the way in a direct throwback to his ecstatic exit in porky’s duck hunt. this is a game-changer for the merrie melodies series—the screwy, lunatic antics were typically reserved for the black and white looney tunes shorts. and here we have daffy, splitting the ears of his patrons and being a royal nuisance in the more expensive, esteemed merrie melodies, typically reserved for song and dance numbers! this ain’t your mother’s merry melody.

when daffy takes refuge within a cluster of reeds positioned in the middle of the lake, egghead uses this as an opportunity to lure out his prey with a decoy. specifically, ONE LOVE-LURE DUCK DECOY.

egghead sends the obnoxiously feminine duck decoy out into the water, quacking in time to the beat of stalling’s “the lady in red” underscore. the decoy disappears into the reeds, and there’s a pause.

a flurry of aggravated, warbled quacking cues us in that daffy is pissed off. the action is all hidden behind the plants, leaving details of their altercation is up to the audience’s interpretation. what we do see is daffy’s physical anger: he pops out of the water at the bank of the lake, throwing the decoy down at egghead’s feet. a makeshift sign cleverly held up by a cattail echoes a beloved catchphrase from the radio show fibber mcgee and molly:

bubbles rippling on the surface indicate daffy’s presence. he pokes his head out to heave a teasing quack at the befuddled hunter before dipping back down again, prompting egghead to stick his rifle in the lake. cue a tried and true gag that was likely much funnier then than now: the ol’ tie-the-gun-into-a-bow trick. 

the next gag is one that tex avery would refurbish in his MGM debut, the early bird dood it!: egghead physically lifts the lake up like a blanket, where daffy appears just in time to give his nose another honk for good measure. cue crazed laughter and intricate water aerobics. daffy halts, addressing the audience directly with a flimsy reassurance: “i’m not crazy, i just don’t give a darn!”

irv spence takes the next showdown between hunter and duck. look at how much more appealing egghead is in his hands! egghead leans down to retrieve his gun he tosses aside, when daffy zooms into frame and fights him for it. daffy’s consistent smile as he and egghead battle for dominance, both trying to reach higher and higher on the gun, is hysterical—he’s absolutely getting a kick out of egghead’s frustration. though it was clear he was reveling in porky’s own anger in porky’s duck hunt, here his enjoyment is much more blatant. he loves being a pest.

daffy slides the rifle beneath his legs and out of sight, bopping egghead on the fist and causing him to slug a haymaker against his own head. signature irv spence grawlixes add a nice level of two dimensional graphic design, like something straight from a comic.

out of nowhere, a random turtle disrupts the altercation. the turtle is a parody of parkykarkus from the chase & sanborn hour, speaking in a thick accent and slightly butchered grammar. he opts to settle daffy and egghead’s fight once and for all, posing as a referee. “just a minute, chums. just a minute!” he supplies the two with pistols, both fitted for their respective sizes. to daffy, “turn around.” to egghead: “now you turn around.”

i love how daffy’s curiosity with the turtle’s interruption is noticeable. so noticeable, in fact, that the turtle grows hostile, getting up in his face and shouting “KEEP YOUR NOSE OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS, AIN’T IT!” it’s rare to see daffy lacking control of the situation, even this early on. 

the two put their backs together per the turtle’s command, walking ten paces backwards in time to the turtle’s countdown. just as the turtle reaches ten, daffy jumps behind egghead, who fires. a potentially gruesome conclusion is avoided as the bullet hits the turtle’s chest instead, causing his head to rocket upward, hit a branch, and shrink back into his shell. in a hardawayian touch, daffy hands egghead a cigar, walking off screen, satisfied.

random as the scene is (hardaway’s influence seems to be particularly strong throughout this whole middle section), irv spence’s timing and appealing animation makes up for it. the switch to another animator entails an inevitable downgrade in draftsmanship.

after egghead realizes he’s been duped, he retrieves his rifle and prepares to shoot daffy. though initially startled, daffy thinks on his feet, and eagerly places an apple on his head for egghead to aim at instead. stalling’s fitting accompaniment of “william tell overture” raises in key each time egghead fires (and subsequently misses), a pattern that sounds almost identical to scott bradley’s scores under the direction of tex at MGM. 

egghead shoots a tree, the lake, a barn, and even straight past daffy, who grows increasingly irritated at the hunter’s incompetence, moving closer to him with each effort. hardaway’s influence is strong with the next gag, matched with tex’s fast pace to prevent it from overstaying its welcome: daffy thrusts pencils, sunglasses, and a sign that says BLIND on it before turning to the audience and tssking. “too bad. too bad!” harsh indeed. i imagine this gag would have been prolonged had hardaway directed this cartoon or wrote it under another director.

if anything, this cartoon certainly displays the importance of the relationship between director and writer. writers have a much bigger influence on the cartoon than one might believe! there’s a reason as to why chuck jones and mike maltese are touted around as a dynamic duo. i wouldn’t call hardaway a bad writer by any means, but his influence is certainly potent. tex is a strong director, and thankfully he could cushion the blows of hardaway’s corniness as much as he could, but it’s also evident that certain decisions were made that tex wouldn’t have made in other circumstances.

decisions such as daffy singing an entire ode to his lunacy as the cartoon’s song number. this is definitely a hardawayian insert--a prototype, hayseed, screwball bugs bunny sings his own nutty anthem in hardaway’s hare-um scare-um just a year later. full song numbers have been making their way out the door in avery’s cartoons, and by either this year or next they’d be absent in total from the merrie melodies series. it’s unlike avery to write a whole song about characters explaining their nuttiness.

that is why i have qualms with the scene. at his zenith, daffy never attempts to explain or justify his screwiness. even in the mid-’40s, when he’s able to think and speak coherently and isn’t a mere caricature of his name, he showed no self awareness for his condition. the “look at me, ain’t i a crazy one?” jokes with him were out the door by 1939. half the fun with him is how unaware he is of his daffiness--he lives in it constantly, always zipping from emotional extremes, but never stops to tell the audience just how crazy and fun he is. here, his self-awareness seems ingenuine and prideful. daffy is my favorite character for his humanity and relatability (even--if not more so--when he’s a total loon). here, he lacks that dynamism. he’s merely a stock reflection of his namesake.

with that said, daffy’s rendition of “the merry go round broke down” is my favorite merrie melody song number, period. i’m certainly biased due to my undying affinity with daffy, but irv spence’s animation is genuinely fun to watch, and mel blanc does a wonderful performance. i know all of the words by heart! essentially, daffy’s justification for his daffiness is because the dizzy pace of the merry go round went to his head and made him nuts. while this sense of bragging is relatively out of character for him, it makes for a contagiously fun song, and also, this is his second film ever. they still had much to explore. 

the scene concludes with daffy shaking hands with his reflection in the water and diving back in. fade out and in to egghead, still furiously attempting to pursue his prey. cue a fun little avery gag where our hunter nonchalantly opens the reeds he’s hiding behind like a pair of blinds. daffy’s carefree quacking and swimming in the lake almost seems to mock him. in a gag that would be reused in avery’s lucky ducky over at MGM to a greater extent, daffy puts on a mask to scare away the oncoming bullets. indeed, the bullets retreat into egghead’s gun, prompting befuddled stares at both the gun and the audience.

daffy engages in another round of spastic water aerobics, HOOHOOing all the way. he only pauses to cling to a cattail, echoing an averyian daffy catchphrase that he would also shriek in daffy duck in hollywood, “ain’t i some cutie? ahah! i think i’ll do it again! HAHAHA!”

a nice, jazzy score of “bob white (whatcha gonna swing tonight?)” accompanies yet another endeavor by egghead. he’s either stupidly bold or boldly stupid to keep up such a tiring charade--or both! egghead loads a pair of gloves tied to a string into the barrel of the rifle, cleverly using a cattail as a bore brush. and, despite the absurdity of his makeshift fishing pole, it works: one gloved hand grabs daffy by the neck, the other konking him on the head and knocking him unconscious. egghead reels in his prize, dumping daffy into a net and letting out a handful of gleeful “WHOOPEE!”s.

avery’s timing is succinct--immediately after egghead snags his duck, the sound of a siren drowns out his celebration. a duck nearly identical to daffy approaches the scene in an “asylum ambulance”. “gee, t’anks a lot for catchin’ dis goof!” duck confiscates his fellow duck comrade. the decision to turn the conversation confidential, complete with the lowering of the voice and shifty-eyed glances is great. “y’know, we been after dis guy for months!”

despite everything that egghead has endured, he seems genuinely shocked at the duck’s claim that daffy is “100% nuts”. “oh YEAH?” he echoes, daring to believe it. duck nods. “yeeeeah!” with that, he gives egghead a honk right on the nose.

daffy, completely unscathed, wastes little time in joining the festivities as both ducks beat the tar out of egghead from both ends, literally kicking him in the arse and honking him on the nose. both ducks head to the lake, HOOHOOing in shrill unison as they bound off into the horizon. egghead only has one more option... to join them. thus, we iris out on our brave hunter HOOHOOing into the horizon himself.

as i said at the beginning of this review, this cartoon is one of my favorites--for this era, anyway. despite its imperfections, it’s still a rather fun and rousing cartoon. it’s exciting to see daffy becoming more recognizable, in terms of voice,  demeanor, and appearance. the same can be said for egghead as well, though i doubt anyone has the same attachment to him as they do other characters. i certainly don’t.

admittedly, porky’s duck hunt is a more solid cartoon. this cartoon feels much more like a string of gags than anything, though i suppose that could be said for many a tex avery cartoon. he wasn’t known for his moving stories. hardaway’s corny, hayseed sense of humor serves as the biggest detriment to the cartoon, but luckily tex is a strong enough director to try and work around those weaknesses as best he could. and even though i disagree with the reasoning behind the song number, the song number will always be my favorite merry melody song. 

i didn’t mention the backgrounds very often, but they’re STELLAR. the colorful, whimsical palette brings a lot of energy and vitality to the table. if you were to describe the cartoon in one word, “energetic” would certainly be it.

so, with that said, go watch it! this is a really fun cartoon that serves as an interesting look into early daffy’s character, obnoxious as he may be.

link!

[webrokethe4thwall]

Venus in the City

A request from @rottmntrulesall for their Little Sister Venus AU. I highly recommend you check their blog out!

After begging and pleading with Splinter, the Turtles and April had finally convinced him to let them take Venus for a ride in the Turtle Tank. Venus fussed only a little as Donnie strapped her into a car seat that he had made especially for her before squealing in delight as the tank roared into life. Her older siblings smiled fondly at the happy noises she made.

“You like that, Venus?” Raph asked, carefully driving through traffic. “You like riding in the Turtle Tank?”

“Yeah!” April cheered in a high pitched voice, waving both of Venus’s arms in the air and pulling a giggle out of the Indian Tent turtle.

Venus’s eyes shone happily. The buildings were moving so fast, and her chair would bump and rattle in the most fun way! This was great!

“Wait, was that—” Donnie started as he squinted out the window.

Suddenly, the Turtle tank swerved as the Foot Lieutenant, Foot Brute, and Foot Recruit landed on the hood.

“Turtles!” Foot Lieutenant rasped. “Prepare for defeat!”

“Oh, come on!” Leo groaned. “Can’t we go for one drive without some bozos ruining everything? How’re we gonna deal with these guys with Venus here?!”

“Like this!” Donnie flipped a switch, and Venus was pulled into the back of the tank and encased by a clear dome. “That bubble is made of a highly damage-resistant material that will keep Venus safe while we deal with these jerks.”

“Don’t worry, Venus,” Mikey comforted the confused baby as their siblings rushed out of the tank. “We’ll be back soon. Just sit tight!”

And like that, Venus was alone in a bubble in the Turtle Tank as the teenagers battled the Foot Clan just out of her sight. The baby chewed on her teal ribbon tail for a little while before growing bored. Venus didn’t want to be in her chair anymore. She wanted out!

A moment later, Venus felt herself slipping free of her car seat, out of the bubble, and through the Turtle Tank’s floor. Her brothers and sister were still in heavy combat though, and the baby didn’t like how loud they were being. Closing her eyes and crawling forward, Venus slipped through dimensions to get to someplace quieter until her siblings were done fighting.

“That didn’t take very long at all,” April said as she and the Turtles climbed back into the Turtle Tank.

“I guess they didn’t restock their paper from the last time we fought them,” Raph gloated, hefting himself back into the driver’s chair.

“Let me put Venus back in her spot, then we can get rolling again,” Donnie said. Flipping another switch, the protective bubble pulled away, and the car seat returned to its original position. “Ready to go, Ve-ven-oooh, boy.”

When they all saw the empty car seat, their stress levels skyrocketed, but it could’ve just been Venus messing with them. April swiped her hand through the air just to be sure. They all shared a look and started freaking out.

“Where did Venus go?!” Mikey screamed. “She’s just a baby! What’s going to happen to our sister?!”

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“Where’d yous come from?” Venus blinked her eyes open to find Repo-Mantis staring down at her. She had traveled all the way to the junkyard. “You lost or somethin’, kid? I’m not a fan of turtles runnin’ around my junkyard.”

“Baah! Puh!” Venus babbled, crawling between Repo’s legs and disappearing further into the junkyard.

“Where d’ya think your off’ta?” Repo asked, ducking to follow the baby turtle’s travel. But she was gone. She had literally disappeared. “Wha?”

Not wanting a baby mutant wandering around his place of business, Repo went to look for her. He soon found her in his electromagnet. She managed to swing the heavy machine to hang over the school bus plugging Mrs. Nubbins’ den.

“Wait, no, no, no, no!” Repo shouted, rushing towards Venus. “Not that scrapheap, kid! Stop!” Too late. The bus pulled free, and the cat-mantis was unleashed. Repo immediately about-faced and ran away from his beloved pet.

Growing bored of the purple bugman and the machinery, Venus slipped out of the electromagnet and crawled out of the junkyard. She quickly caught wind of something that smelled delicious! A yellow van topped with a T-bone steak was parked across the street. What was over there that smelled so good?

“My, my, what have we here?” Venus was lifted up by metal hands that brought her face-to-face with a smug Meat Sweats. “You’re just the ingredient I needed for my latest recipe! How fortuitous for me.”

He plopped the baby turtle into the broth heating up on the stovetop, scrapped in some chopped up veggies, and sorted out the seasonings that would “unleash the flavor” within Venus. The Indian tent turtle gurgled delightedly in what she thought was tasty-smelling bathwater. She munched on a carrot piece, splashing in the broth, when pepper suddenly dusted her snout.

“That should do it,” Meat Sweats said. As he cleared away his spices, he noticed Venus scrunching up her face. “What’s that look for? My seasoning is perfectly balanced.”

He drew closer to the pot just as Venus unleashed a powerful sneeze. The sneeze was followed by spikes shooting out of her shell, flying all over the food truck’s kitchen. Meat Sweats squealed in horror. He knocked the pan off the stovetop and out of his truck, baby turtle and all, as the spikes pinned him by his apron to the cabinets.

“Oh, rubbish,” Meat Sweats grumbled.

Venus continued to chew on the veggies remained in the pot with her after the tumble when the she was lifted up once again. This time it was orange crab pinchers that carried her into an alleyway. So many new people in one night!

“Hey, Carl, check it out! It’s one of those turtle mutants that we hate, but littler!” The crabman without pinched Venus’s cheeks. She whined in displeasure and swatted his pincher away. “This one would be way easier to eat, and she’s already in some soup!”

The crabman with hair poked Venus’s cheek and felt his heart melt like butter when she sucked on his claw. “Pass, Ben. That’d be messed up. Maybe if she was bigger.”

“Bah?” Venus questioned, releasing the claw from her jaws. Bigger? What did that “bigger” mean? Steadily, the pot she was sitting in started getting tighter. Venus’s line of sight climbed, higher than when she sat on Raph’s head! The crabmen seemed to begin to panic. The baby turtle giggled and clapped her hands as the crabmen did a silly dance in front of her.

“This is not what I meant!” Carl shouted, swinging his arms wildly as the baby turtle quickly grew to double his and his brother’s size. Ben and Carl ran in wild circles for a moment before crashing into each other hard. The shock from the impact and panic from the giant infant knocked the duo unconscious.

Venus stared at the still crabmen before shrinking down to her normal size. They weren’t doing much more than breathe at this point, and the Indian tent turtle wanted something more entertaining than that. She crawled away and soon heard the laughter of children at a playground. All those colors and kids looked fun! Venus was all set to join them when something flopped onto her head and over her eyes.

“Turtle! Prepare to taste defeat at the hands of your greatest foe, Warren Stone!” The long pink thing in a purple jacket rolled into a dramatic offensive pose before the Indian tent turtle. “I won’t hold back just because you’re a ba-argh!”

Venus gripped the worm mutant by his throat and pulled his stretchy body as far as she could. This was a great toy! She whipped Warren around like a lasso and laughed brightly at the way he yelled. He made really funny noises, too! A white dove then flew into Venus’s line of sight and made her think of the cartoons she and Mikey would watch where birds would flock around the worm and beat them up. Attention drawn away, the baby mutant dropped the mutant in her hands and followed the dove.

“Where are you going?!” Warren shouted after her. “I’m not done with you yet!” He was then surrounded by a flock of large pigeons that had materialized out of thin air. “Or maybe I am.” The flock proceeded to attack the worm mutant. “Aaagh!”

Venus followed the dove for a few blocks, watching it land on the broad purple shoulder of Hypno-Potamus.

“There you are! Back in the hat you go,” Hypno said. He placed the dove back in his magic hat, poofing the accessory away, and caught sight of the baby turtle. She clapped at the sight of the hat disappearing, eyes wide with wonder. “You like that trick, little lady? Wait a tic, where is your family?” He glanced up and down the empty street then shrugged. “How about a little magic show until they come along?”

At the baby’s impartial gurgling, Hypno started performing tricks for Venus. She was delighted by the multicolor hanky rope the magic hippo pulled out of nowhere. Hypno clapped his hands together, and the hanky rope had transformed into a rainbow of cards floating between his palms as he drew them apart. Hypno flinched back at how high-pitched Venus’s surprised shriek was.

Where’d the rope go?! How’d the cards fly in the air like that? Was he magic like Leo and his portals? Was she magic? She looked at her own hands, clapped them together, and opened them herself. Cards floated between her palms, just like Hypno! She was magic!

“How’d you do that?” Hypno asked, just as surprised as Venus. He smirked and snapped his cards away. “Let’s see you copy this then!” He conjured up his top hat once more, and doves rocketed out from its depths.

Venus unleashed amazed laughter. Her cards disappeared as she waved her hands towards the birds flying up into the air. However, her happiness turned to fear once the flock of doves changed directions and flew straight at the baby turtle. Scared and confused, Venus screamed at the doves and the unfortunate magic hippo behind them as well.

“Argh!” Hypno cried out. He pressed his hands onto his ears, but the baby turtle’s scream was too strong. He squeezed his eyes shut against the birds that swarmed past him, missing Venus scramble away. All he was left with was ringing ears and a sense of confusion.

Venus blinked around tearfully at the fancy hotel she somehow entered. She crawled around the front desk and sat down. She liked birds, but those had gotten way too close way too fast.

“Hey, who’s kid is this?” A bellhop asked as he rounded the desk. “She doesn’t have a cloaking broach.”

“Take her to the yokai floors,” another bellhop said. He sniffed the air around her. “And see that she gets cleaned up. She must’ve gotten into the kitchen and lost her broach somewhere along the way if her scent is anything to go by.”

“All right, little one, let’s go.”

Venus let the bellhop carry her into the elevator and was happy to get a bath for once. The broth from earlier was starting to make her scales itch. She also liked the gentle attention the funny creatures in the red suits gave her. They were almost as good as her big brothers and big sister!

“Oh, she’s so pretty in that shade of teal!” The octopus yokai who had given her a bath said, carefully bouncing her in front of the other bellhops.

“Is she one of our guests?” A fox yokai bellhop asked, letting Venus fiddle with his hand. “I don’t recall any turtle yokai staying with us. And that mask kinda reminds me of those other turtles who keep breaking in.”

“What seems to be the piddly-problem here?” A sickeningly sweet asked from behind employees.

“Big Mama!” The octopus yokai spun to face the powerful spider yokai. “We seem to have a lost guest in our midst!”

Big Mama bent down to get a better look at Venus. She was stare was intense and unwavering. The yokai holding the baby and the bellhop were starting to sweat from how long Big Mama was locking eyes with the Indian tent turtle. Then, the disguised spider yokai squealed in delight, sweeping Venus into her arms and cuddling the baby close.

“Oh, what a splendiferously precious, teedly tiny turtlely-boo!” Big Mama cooed, rubbing her cheek against Venus’s. Venus laughed as Big Mama’s hair tickled her neck. “Such sprinkly-sparkly eyes! A fantampulous giggle as lovely as her ribbon!” She pulled back and considered the child in her arms once more. “Come! Big Mama will take care of you.”

Venus burbled contentedly in the purple lady’s arms. She reminded the baby of her daddy with how she talked.

“But Big Mama, what about her family?” the bellhop asked. “Won’t they be worried about her?”

Big Mama gave the bellhop a scathing look. “If her family truly loved her, she wouldn’t be lost and causing such a fizzywinkle among my on-the-clock employees! I shall deal with this doodlie-bug’s family if they ever show up.”

Venus chewed at the end of Big Mama’s cravat, watching the other yokai shrink away from the pretty purple lady. She must’ve been tough like April and Donnie for everyone to be so scared of her. Venus loved how much attention this “Big Mama” was giving her, but she was starting to want her brothers, sister, and father the longer the lady held her. Maybe everyone was done being loud by now? She should go back to her car seat. Venus started fussing and struggling to get to the floor.

“Oh, what’s wrong, cutie-doodle?” Big Mama asked. “Don’t fuss.”

When Big Mama lifted her higher and started walking away from the other yokai, Venus began to struggle in earnest. She didn’t want to be in this fancy building anymore! She wanted her family! Put her down! She slipped, quite literally, through Big Mama’s fingers and crawled as fast as she could towards the elevator.

“What?!” Big Mama shrieked. “Catch her!”

Suddenly, bellhops galore blocked Venus’s path. The baby didn’t stop for a second before she was crawling up the walls and onto the ceiling. All of the bellhops stared up in shock at her. However, the owl bellhop shook off his surprise, leapt up, and pulled the baby mutant into his arms. The unfortunate bellhop soon found his hands full of many Venus’s piling one on top of the other until he toppled over. Each bellhop and even Big Mama caught a duplicate before she hit the ground.

“Well,” Big Mama said, obviously ruffled. “That was unexpected. Are you quite done, turtle-boo?”

That’s when the acid vomit started shooting out of every Venus’s mouth.

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“Why doesn’t she have a tracker on her?” Leo yelled at Donnie. “You put a tracker on everything.”

“I wanted to!” Donnie yelled back. “But you all thought it was too extreme to put a tracker on a five-month-old!”

“Since when did you listen to us about where to put your trackers?!” Raph yelled.

This fighting was getting them nowhere. The Turtle Tank tore through the streets as the worried siblings searched for their missing little sister. They had chased of the Foot after five minutes max of combat. They had locked the tank door. Where could Venus have gone? Who could’ve been able to take her?! If it hadn’t been for sporadic dust clouds shooting up from Repo-Mantis’s Junkyard, they wouldn’t have had a clue where to start.

“Return our sister, you fiend!” Mikey demanded.

His family jumped out of the tank, armed and ready, only to see Repo dodging and running away from Mrs. Nubbins. Well… they weren’t expecting that. Repo was pretty good at keeping his beloved murder cat contained.

“Do we help him?” Leo asked slowly.

“No,” Donnie said. “This is a waste of time!”

“He might know something about Venus, though,” April countered.

“Alright, Mad Dogs,” Raph said. “Get that cat-mantis!”

One determined sibling fight later, Repo found himself on the business end of Leo’s odachi.

“Hey, bug-man,” Leo greeted. “You see a baby turtle mutant pass by?”

“That little thing was with yous guys?!” Repo yelled.

“And don’t even think about lyin—what?” Donnie asked. “You’ve seen our baby sister?!”

“Yeah,” Repo said, head lulled back. He may as well tell the kids what they wanted; they had saved his life after all. “She must’ve crawled off after letting Mrs. Nubbins out a minute ago. Came outta nowhere, that kid. Left outta nowhere, too.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” April demanded.

Muffled shouting from across the street drew the teenagers’ attention away from Repo, who took this opportunity to slip away. With their initial target gone, they went to investigate where the shouts had come from. April was the first to see the familiar food truck parked across the street. Something pointy stuck out at several spots on the outside of the truck.

“Meat Sweats!” she yelled, throwing the ajar backdoor open wide.

“Not you lot!” Meat Sweats groaned from where he hung on the wall. “One turtle disaster was enough!”

“Give us our sister!” Raph said, pulling the pig mutant free and dangling him in the air.

“That little terror is your sister?!” Meat Sweats roared. “Does the big one here shoot spikes, too?!”

“What? No,” Raph denied, lifting Meat Sweats higher. “Where’s our sister?”

“I threw her out, pot and all, when the spikes came flying at me,” Meat Sweats explained.

“We’re coming, Venus!” Leo yelled, tearing out of the food truck with his other siblings as Raph continued to hold Meat Sweats.

“Stop. Trying. To eat. My. Family!” Raph snarled in the pig mutants face before going to join the others.

Leo and Donnie were on the rooftops, looking in every direction for a hint of teal of their bubbly baby sister; Mikey and April scourged the alleys and streets for signs of Venus; and Raph patrolled in the Turtle Tank. A few moments later, the three groups converged where scraps of metal and two mutant crabmen lay uselessly in an alleyway.

Donnie prodded the mutants with his tech bo, saying, “What happened to you guys? Wait. Let me guess—you found a little turtle and she beat you up?”

The crabman with hair opened one eyestalk, saw the frustrated and near-feral teenagers looming over him and his brother, and shook his head.

“No, she got big, and my bro and I freaked out so much we knocked each other out. I thought she was gonna eat us.”

“Okay.” Donnie crouched down to look the crabman in the eyes. “First of all, she’s just a baby. Worst thing she can do to you right now is bite your exoskeletons. Second, where is she?” The crabman without hair raised a claw and wordlessly pointed towards the park across the street. “Thank you, gentlemen. You will not be eviscerated today.”

The Sando brothers cowered away from the determined children and slunk into the sewers as they crossed the street. The park was empty at the moment, so April wasn’t worried about anyone seeing the giant mutant turtles wadding through the bushes.

“Venus!” April and the others called in intervals, tearing the park upside down for their baby. “C’mon sis, where are you?”

“You guys looking for a baby turtle?” Warren Stone asked. He was chilling on a park bench, sipping a smoothie.

“Warren Stone!” April squealed. She ran up to her news anchor idol. “Do you know where our sister is? She’s got a teal mask and a pretty defined shell.”

“Yeah, she crawled that a-ways about ten minutes ago,” Warren said waving in the general direction. “Chasing a bird or something. No respect for the laws of mortal foe combat.”

“Thanks Warren! Stone-head for life!” April ran off to get her brothers. “I got a lead! Venus isn’t here anymore, but I know where she went!”

“Lead on, April!” Leo said.

April led them in the direction Warren Stone had waved in, and they soon came across Hypno. He was shouting and swinging a top hat at a flock of doves swarming over his head.

“Hypno!” Mikey shouted, wrapping the chain of his kusari-fundo around the hippo mutant. “Where’s our sister?”

“What?” Hypno shouted. “I don’t know anything about a ‘blister.’”

“I said sis-ter,” Mikey yelled. “Baby turtle mutant. Teal mask. Where?”

“Never met one,” Hypno shouted. “Why would a lady turban merchant need a flask? Speak up! I can’t really hear at the moment.”

The teenagers groaned. This was getting them nowhere!

“Did you lot happen to lose a baby turtle?” Hypno asked. “One passed by a minute ago. I gave her a magic show, but the doves scared her off.”

“Where’d our baby sister go?” Mikey yelled as clearly as he could. Hope shined in the box turtle’s eyes.

Hypno seemed to wilt from the question. “I don’t know. She let out a killer scream that took out my doves and my hearing. I didn’t see where she went.”

“That would explain the screaming-match,” Leo grumbled. “Mikey, let him go. Venus isn’t here.” But she has been causing some top-tier mischief.

Raph brought the Turtle Tank around for everyone to pile in and regroup. Now what? Hypno was their last lead to finding Venus, and he didn’t know where she crawled off to. How did her screaming make the hippo mutant go that hard of hearing anyway? Sure, the baby had a loud voice but not loud enough to make someone go near-deaf. Right?

“Now what, team?” Raph asked. “Where do we look next?”

“Well,” Donnie started. Then explosions erupted from the Nexus Hotel in the distance.

“FOLLOW THE CHAOS!!!” April shouted.

Moments later, the Turtle fam burst into Big Mama’s hotel, weapons drawn and ready to take on the spider yokai. The sight that greeted them was not what they expected from the usually put-together criminal boss. Small fires lit up parts of the lobby and stairs, yokai and humans alike were either flopped over broken furniture unconscious or shaking in absolute terror. A yokai ran from one end of the room to the other screaming his head off.

“What happened here?” Leo asked, lowering his sword.

“I don’t know,” Donnie said, looking at his wrist scanner and typing on it. “I’ll hack into the security feeds; you guys keep an eye open for—”

Big Mama chose that moment to leave the elevator in giant yokai spider form. The first thing the Turtle fam did was pull into a tighter circle, defending Donnie as he reviewed the hacked feeds. They noted how she looked, well, battered, bruised, and burned. Big Mama looked at the teenagers with six tired eyes, down at her thick arms, then back at the teenagers. She slowly walked towards them.

“Does this belong to you?” she asked, voice wavering from exhaustion.

Extending her arms, Venus dangled from her hands.

“Venus!” They all cried.

Raph carefully took Venus into his arms and backed his entire family as far away from Big Mama as he could. His siblings launched themselves onto his arms, kissing and cooing at the baby turtle warbling happily back at them. Before they could interrogate the spider yokai about how she got her claws on their precious baby sister, Big Mama passed out less than gracefully in her lobby.

Raph quickly carried his family back to the Turtle Tank where they continued to fawn over their baby sister, relieved to have her back and taking turns holding her close. Donnie held Venus very carefully. She had somehow gotten out of one of his inventions specially designed to protect her, and he took it personally. How had it happened?

“Let’s see how you got into Big Mama’s hands, shall we?” Donnie said, passing Venus off to April and hooking up his gauntlet to the tank’s display screen.

As the security feed played out, the Turtle fam watched with increasing shock as their baby sister all but destroyed the Nexus Hotel. From the very moment that she went intangible in Big Mama’s arms, to crawling up onto the ceiling, duplicating, and puking up acid, the teens couldn’t look away. Then things really got weird.

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Venus screamed in the arms of every bellhop that held her, causing them to drop the duplicates to cover their ears. Big Mama wasn’t so lucky. She held the original baby turtle. Big Mama had to transform into her yokai form in order to cover her ears and not drop the baby.

“Hush, cutie-doodle!” Big Mama tried to soothe the child.

No! Venus didn’t want the spider lady anymore. Maybe if they couldn’t see her, they’d leave her alone. Leo played peekaboo with her all the time. Maybe the same rules applied? Venus covered her eyes and held as still as possible. She heard a gasp of surprise and suddenly felt her bottom hit the ground.

“Where’d she go?” a bellhop asked.

“I don’t know,” Big Mama replied. “She was right here! Find her!”

Venus crawled away as the bellhops and Big Mama waved the air around the ground searching for her. She made it to the elevator right as it was closing before becoming visible again.

“There she is! How’d she get in the elevator?!” a yokai yelled out.

The crowd tried to get to the baby turtle, but the doors had already closed. Venus blinked. She looked around the box-like room she was in. How did these things work again? She spotted the shiny panel of buttons and made grabby hands at them. They were too high up! The Indian tent turtle’s line of sight was soon above the panel of buttons. She could totally reach them now! Venus slapped the panel happily. The room felt like it was moving.

When the doors opened again, there were bellhops waiting. They, unfortunately, were not expecting the little baby to have grown to be bigger than their employer. Venus mowed them down as she crawled into the hallway. She found a stairwell and wandered her way down a few flights before shrinking down again.

The door was too heavy for her small body to open. However, she didn’t hesitate to crawl right through the wall to the other side, which just so happened to be a fish tank. Venus loved swimming! She followed the exotic fish in the tank for a minute or two, completely missing the looks of horror guests and employees alike gave her for how long she was in there. What? It wasn’t like she was gonna run out of air. She did this all the time at home.

“There you are!” Big Mama cheered, scooping the baby turtle out of the water tank. “Oh, now you’re all sobbled! Come, dear, let Big Mama dry you off.”

Oh, not this lady again! Venus huffed and puffed, struggling to get out of the gentle but firm grip. Then, she felt something shoot out of her shell. Screaming rang out around her, and Big Mama gasped. Venus looked around and saw several spikes impaling pillars and pining people to the walls. The baby clapped, clearly enjoying the silly poses the yokai had struck to avoid the spikes.

“That’s quite enough of that,” Big Mama admonished. Neither yokai nor baby noticed the pillar behind them starting to fall over. “I’ve had enough fizzywinkles in my hotel today, thank you.”

The pillar groaned and slammed on top of the two females. The bellhops rushed to lift the pillar from Big Mama, who was banged and bruised from its weight, but Venus was perfectly fine. Her scales had formed into a silver armor, leaving a baby turtle shaped hole in the raised column.

Then, a fire started from one of the spikes slicing through an electrical outlet. Everyone started screaming and running. Venus started crawling away again. And—

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Donnie shut of the video feed. He, Raph, Leo, Mikey, and April stared at Venus in shock. Raph quickly drove them home. After the teens all gathered in the living room, they collapsed into a heap of exhaustion, stress, and disbelief. Splinter walked in to see Venus sucking her thumb on top of Donnie’s chest as the soft-shell gently patted her head.

“Ah, there’s my precious little girl!” Splinter smiled. “Come to Daddy, Venus.” He lifted Venus to his hip and rubbed his nose to her beak. “So, how was her first ride in the Turtle Tank?”

Splinter raised an eyebrow in confusion at the way the teens groaned and sunk even further into their sibling pile.

Mikey shot up from the pile and shouted, “VENUS HAS POWERS,” then sunk back to his place between his brothers and April.

What a chaotically long day.

[omniversalobservations]

Everybody Roasts Franklin (2021)

We’re only one week into the new year but we already have an early candidate for gaming meme of the year. Fans have been taking one cutscene from Grand Theft Auto 5 where one of the game’s main protagonists, Franklin, gets roasted by his friend Lamar and have been turning it into a scene where anyone and everyone can take a shot at the character. And when I say everyone, I mean it.

The meme template for these “Franklin Getting Roasted” memes basically takes the cutscene in question and replaces Lamar with any other character from fiction or the real world to clap back at Franklin. Some of the most popular iterations of the meme see characters like Kermit the Frog, Vegeta, Yoda, Toad, and dozens of others making their way into the conversation. The dialogue in each scene remains largely unchanged but the voices of each character tends to match what we would expect them to sound like.

What has started off as a relatively simple meme in structure has only started to evolve as time has gone on. Some users have changed the scene to where Franklin and Lamar don’t get into an argument at all and they instead just go chill in the former’s home. Others have devolved into cutscenes where no back and forth chirping happens at all, like in the video attached above where Yakuza's Kiryu just ends up singing.

Likely my favorite iteration of the meme so far sees a Persona 5 spin on the sequence. Rather than having a character from P5 make their way into the scene, one user dubbed the video with music, sound effects, and text boxes that you’d expect to see from the beloved RPG. It’s goofy to be sure but I’m always a sucker for anything that involves Persona.

Source: Comic Book Dot Com

(images via YouTube)

#unofficial #Grand Theft Auto #SpongeBob #Super Mario Bros #Shrek #Game of Thrones #Pokemon #Pirates of the Caribbean #WWE #Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #One Piece #Harley Quinn #The Lion King #Mickey Mouse #Simpsons #Muppets #Bully #Naruto #Batman #Minecraft #Star Wars #Spider-Man #Frozen #Legend of Zelda #Toy Story #Dragon Ball Z #Tomb Raider #Flash #Jimmy Neutron #Adventure Time #Rocket Raccoon #Angry Birds #Rick and Morty #Ant Man #Catwoman #Futurama #John Wick #Sonic #Digimon #Five Nights at Freddy's #Groot #Thanos

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

The Badass Portfolio (Borderlands Playlist)

Playlist dedicated to @notaliteraltoad​

I feel like every author has their thingy they do every time they write something - some drink coffee, some listen to a TV, and I? I have music. Music influenced more than 90% of my writings, sometimes the chapter is named after a song, sometimes the lyrics are mentioned or directly inspire the dialogue.

And with that, let's have a look at The Pieces of the People We Love, my beloved Borderlands Series with a playlist and a slight commentary from the author herself. Also, it can help during the quarantine when you don’t have new tunes to listen to! :)

There is, of course, The Rapture song Pieces of the People We Love which started it all. To admit, I first heard this song when I played Tales from the Borderlands for the first time... And holy hell, I love it. But why did I picked this song to be the main one for this series?

Well... The first reason is obvious: it was used during the road trip montage and since then, this damn song is the one I always play on a road trip. Second - the lyrics are something that has an amazing meaning. Everyone interprets them to their liking, but to me, holy moly - a song about lovers who can't be together done in such a way? And the fact that they sing that everyone has a piece of someone inside that we want to hide? I'm all over it.

Before we characterize the main characters, let's focus on the Y/N's playlist itself:

Hold On by The Animal Fiction

Let Me Live/Let Me Die by Des Rocs

who dat boi by bbno$ & so loki

tony th-t by bbno$

Pieces of the People We Love by Rapture

Shit Just Got Real by Die Antwoord

Feel Good Inc. by Gorillaz

Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes

I Can't Stop by Flux Pavilion

As- LIke That by Eminem

Most of these songs are in the playlist for one particular reason - Y/N is a huntress and listens to it mostly while she’s triying to kill one or two Skags in a Runner provided by Catch-a-Ride™. I don't exactly see why she’d listen to normal pop songs since she's living on Pandora and... Pandora is no way like today's world. These tunes may sound a bit harsh, but... Yeah. Also, this is only the scratch, a highligh if you will, there's much more tunes. 

Now, we have Y/N's songs here:

It’s not like I think that she’s an egocentric sociopath, no - in fact, she’s not even my original character in the end. But... This reader is not a soft baby princess you kiss and she falls apart. No. She was living on Pandora long enough to become a bloody badass (she has a metal arm, dude) and this bitch isn’t holding back anything. She does not like you? She will just tell you. And Scooter needs this kind of a woman.

mememe by bbno$ & Lentra

Snap Out Of It by Arctic Monkeys

Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked by Cage the Elephant

Lone Digger by Caravan Palace

She Wants Me Dead by Cazzette, The High and AronChupa

Now, let’s have a look at Scooter:

He’s a lovely, dumb dude, this Scooter. He has a romantic soul and a heart of gold, fear of robots, ince*t relationships (only distantly related gals can apply), pretty thick redneck accent and he likes cars, girls, and cars (exactly in this order, don’t mess it up). He doesn’t know what a second base is. I decided to approach him as the gentle soul he is, to show how naïve and nice he can be... I fell in love with that boy. So even the songs, naturally, are more romance-focused.

The Less I Know The Better by Tame Impala

Amour plastique by VIDEOCLUB

Stolen Dance by Milky Chance

Shut Up And Drive by Rihanna

Genius by Diplo, Sia and Labrinth

Finally, we have their mutual relationship:

They start as strangers forced together by destiny (or a Bandit boss, pick whichever you want). Slowly, they become friends, or something like that because Y/N doesn’t do friendships when Scooter helps her with her fear of rockets. Over time, she tells him why doesn’t she want a part in the Vault Hunter life and why did she have to have her arm amputated only as a child. Scooter doesn’t tell her any secrets, because he can barely keep any since the first moment they meet. And for the love of God, he keeps telling everyone that Y/N is his girlfriend. But no-one believes a shit he says.

To The Top by Twin Shadow

Friends by Marshmallo and Anne-Marie

Lost It To Trying by Son Lux

Myrtle Beach Summer 1974 by Yung Gravy and bbno$

Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation (Is this a rather subtle Twilight refernce?)

And last, but not least, the relationship in the Vault Hunter group:

There’s a lot of elements to work within this team, my dudes. Like Lilith talking 24/7, Brick and Mordy being Brick and Mordy, Roland being dead and stuff, the whole Sir Hammerlock thing along with his fiancé, Moxxi being herself... But I overall like the team dynamic they can bring onto the table when they’re trying their best. Like when they’re trying not to have the universe blown up and stuff.. 

Bubble Shit by ,AMCO, Victor Sheen and Fosco Alma

Paper Planes by M.I.A.

What Makes a Good Man? by The Heavy

Girl On Fire (Inferno Version) by Alicia Keys and Nicki Minaj

Party by Myself by Hollywood Undead

Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

Talk to Lilith by Oboeshoes (aka the VH group theme song they sing every time they have to talk to LIlith)

 Everywhere I Go by Hollywood Undead

Happy Together by The Turtles

Do It LIke a Dude by Jessie J (one for all the strong women who have to put up with men’s constant bullshit, like Maya, Ellie, Moxxi, Janey Springs or Athena)

And a bonus one:

Fuck you by the one and only, Lily Allen

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU [Book 2]

Lost and confused? See this post to catch up!

Chapter 3: *Nicki Minaj Only Meme on Loop*

“Who did you choose Lili?” Hoshi asked me on our way to lunch at our usual spot “you kept quiet when some of us were sharing in class.”

“I chose the other offer” I stretched my arms “my parents were freaking out over it, so it must be good.”

“Oh dang both of them?” I nod as we sat at the stone table “well I trust your mom’s word, so I guess you chose well.”

“See, like, I’m not sure if I made the right choice” I opened my lunch bag “yea we have the same quirk but what can he show me that I already don’t know?”

“He was a top hero before, I’m sure he can bestow some knowledge on how things used to be?” he peered into my bag “did your mom pack lunch?”

“How can you tell?”

“I don’t recognize a single food product in that bag aside from the cut mango” he snickered “what’s for lunch?”

I peer in my bag “A torta, hot cheetos, mango con chamoy and an Arizona green tea” I gasped as I grab one of the items “OH BOY A TWINKIE YESSSSSS!”

“What’s a twinkie?” 

All jazz music stopped in my head “You’ve never had the joy of having the delicious, golden, creme filled wonder that’s a twinkie?!” I watch him shake his head cautiously “here, today I’m blessing you with some American culture that my mother took for granted when she lived there.”

He looks at me presenting the twinkie in my open palms “You sure? From your guttural screech earlier, seems like you want it more.”

“As a proud half latina-American, I can’t be selfish with food experiences” I put the wrapped snack cake in his hands “on my momma’s word they’re good!”

“I did say I trust your mom” he unwrapped the twinkie and took a bite, his eyes widened and glistened “oh my god, Lili what the fuck?” he took another bite and savored it “this is the best thing in my sad, pathetic life!”

“I said the same thing when I was 6 years old” I recalled “good times! Now my siblings and I get in near fist fights over them. Mom keeps them under lock in the snack pantry so we never know if there’s any.”

“Fist fights? You 4 seem to get along so well” he finishes the snack “I guess nobody gets in the way of your imported snacks huh?”

“Yup!” I pick up my torta and take a bite “oh fuck yea! she put extra queso fresco in mine!”

After a very passionate lunch of me just explaining ethnic eating, we go about the rest of our day as usual. I countdown the days until I need to go to my internship, according to his requests, I have to bring a lot of extra things. 

“That’s quite the line of luggage you got there” Hoshi commented on my 3 rolling suitcases and large duffle bag “you need help?”

“No, I’m fine” I take a calming breath “my ride is going to come any minute now” I look at my phone for the time “looks like you should get a move on too, the train to Saitama is departing soon.”

“Okay then, I’ll see you in 2 weeks” he grabbed his costume case “um text me when you get to your destination?”

“I will, take care!” I smile at him. I watch him start to walk away, then turned back to hug me “Oh?”

“Sorry it’s just that I needed this” he squeezed a little tighter “my mom would hug me good bye all the time when she had to go away for days at a time, it doesn’t feel right for me to say bye without a hug.”

That made me soft and a little sad that I reminded him of his mom. The best I could do was hug him back until he had to run off to catch his train. Not long after, a town car rolled up to where I was waiting.

“Hello Miss, are you Iida Lili Perla?” spoke the man in the drivers seat.

“Are you from the Best Jeanist agency?”

“Yes I am! Very nice to meet you” he gets out from the car and I can see the tent like pants in full view “I’m Jinko Punky from the Best Jeanist agency” he bows “it’s an honor to escort one of Agent 19′s very own.”

“You know my mom?” I was very confused on how this man knows my mother’s agent number and why he addressed her as such.

“Yes, she’s a very beloved agent in the agency” he gestured to my luggage “but lets load these into the car and I’ll explain things as we go.”

I help him put my things in the trunk and sat in the front of the car. The more I think about it, the more I’m confused on this man’s appearance “Alright, let me explain more, I bet you have a lot of questions.”

“Yes, my parents were freaking out over this offer. But all I know is that he’s a retired hero and my mom interned under his agent sector.” I couldn’t stop looking at his ugly tent pants “what does he want to do with hero work after all this time?”

“He’s an eccentric man, and he adored your mother when she was your age” he chuckled “I’ve never seen him so soft after interacting with her, like something in him changed for the better.” He sighed “Your mother showed her loyalty to us and helped in solving cases and gaining very valuable intel that no other could get! But what a strange twist of fate that her daughter is doing the same thing?!” We drive another 20 minutes and we arrive somewhere in Taito “Alright, this is your first destination.”

“First destination?”

“Yes, for this week you’ll be with the man himself” he unloads my bags “and next week you’ll be at the agency.”

He leads me into the building and tells me which floor and room I should go to. As I ascend to the top floor, I get nervous on how this man is going to be and what my mother felt when she met him. Finding the room wasn’t hard and I knocked on the door.

“Who’s there?” responded a semi-robotic voice.

“This is Lili Iida, from UA heroics program.”

I heard a click and the door opened “Please come in!” greeted a long-haired, white cat “I’ll let my owner know you’re here, please have a seat on the couch.”

I watched the cat trot away in awe. It was one of the fancy cat robo models my mom’s company developed! If I remembered correctly, the model name is Chiffon and was named after somebody’s beloved cat that passed away of old age. I looked at the room around me, it was spacious and clean. Seemed almost too big for just one person to be living here but there wasn’t any pictures of a family to show that more people lived here. Actually, there wasn’t any pictures on the wall, just artwork and hanging houseplants. I caught a glimpse of a silhouette of a tall figure coming closer from the hall the cat went in. I stood up and there he was, tall and in all denim.

“Hello there” he stopped in his tracks when he saw me “it’s very nice to see you after so long. My how you’ve grown up!”

I felt so comforted somehow after he spoke to me like we were family “I wish I could say the same about you” I bowed “I’ve heard so much about you!”

“Oh child, don’t bow to me” he walked up to me and tilted my chin up “we’re like distant family. Did Jinko explain things?”

“Yes he did” I stood up straight, unsure on how I should be addressing him “I’m going to be under your guidance this week and next week with the agency.”

“Correct” he turned toward the other side of the room “come this way, I’ll show you to your room for this week.” I follow him with all my things “here’s your room, it’s a bit plain but you’ll have your own bathroom and don’t mind the mannequin busts.”

I walk into the room and it was white and gray with a large window and decent sized wardrobe “Thank you, um”

“Um? OH my name!” he caught on to Lili’s struggle “call me Mr. Hakamada, I don’t like being called sir.”

“Okay, got it Mr. Hakamada!” I smiled.

“Great, I’ll let you get settled and meet me up in the loft when you’re done” he turns to leave “and wear a practice suit, training starts today.”

I watch him leave and the nervousness sets in. Never in my life has fear struck me! Dad said I was a fearless baby and rarely cried but I’m feeling a bit like a child. Probably just the fact that this is a pro-hero that’s way more experienced than my dad and has the same quirk. I put on my leotard and muslin stash and make my way to the loft. His place has hard wood, so you can hear me clicking about on my pistons. If I were sneaking, I’d be so dead, but I put on my rubber soles so I don’t ruin his floors. The loft was just as spacious but it looked more like a dance studio but without the mirrors. He sees me and starts to give me that ‘what are you wearing?’ look.

“Is there something the matter?”

“It just that” he pointed at my sash “that muslin doesn’t go with your whole look, what do you use this thing for?”

“Oh this is my extra layer when I do quirk practice” I explained “I can control any fiber cloth material and make anything! As long as I have a mental reference of said thing or I’ve practiced making something.”

“Any fiber?” he said in awe “then I’ve underestimated you!” he unraveled his denim turtle neck “you have a wider range than I do, but can you think fast!”

I almost got caught in his string attachment attack, thank the lord for rocket feet! I unraveled my sash “I can do more than that!”

“Lets see how you feel about not being able to move!” he wrapped my ankles together “hard isn’t it?”

“Two can play at that game!” I binded his pant legs together with my sash “now who’s vulnerable?!”

“You, you don’t have anymore cloth to use” he smirked “you have much to learn.”

I pulled the ribbons out of my hair and used them to bind his wrists together “You don’t tell me when the fights over, I DO!”

“Okay okay, I surrender” he chuckled “you really are your mother’s child.”

I un-binded him “How so?”

“She has the same battle attitude” he freed me from my ankles “it’s a little dangerous how that passed down to you, actually, it’s strange how she created such a child.”

“What do you mean?” I was curious “I’m just doing what feels right.”

“I saw your spars at the sports festival and I was just impressed that you graced the stage with your presence and dance-like moves” he sat on the floor and I followed suit “all the techniques you did like the puppeteer move and the sling were very reminiscent of your mother and I knew I had to mentor you.” He picked up the piece of ribbon that hanged on his wrist “I consider your mother more like my daughter, and I guess making you my grand-daughter.”

“Like a daughter?” that make me think “do you have a family?”

“I don’t, it’s one of my regrets in life” he sighed as he tied the ribbon into a bow “I spend my time working on being a top hero that I just lost contact with anybody remotely interested in me. All my friends were in hero work so it didn’t hit me that I was alone until one of my side-kicks asked for paternal leave because his wife was due any day and he wanted to be there for her and the baby. That really put my life in perspective, what does it matter if I’m a top hero if I don’t have anybody to come home to?” he pulled at the bow to undo it “then I met your mother, a young but tragic girl that wasn’t ready to leave her parents. I felt the need to care for her, so I’d check up on her and such. I went as far as giving her some spending money and giving her gifts on her birthday and Christmas! In return she always lends her abilities and comes to me for help.” He gasps “I can show you actually, come with me.”

He leads me to his workroom, bolts of fabric on the wall and other cloth pieces scattered about. He hands me a photo album “What’s this?”

“I have pictures of your mother when she was your age and other life stages” he opened the book “That’s her when she first arrived, that’s on her last day of her internship” he flips a few pages “here’s what I wanted to show you, I’ve created all of your mother’s iconic looks.”

“All of them?! I’ve only seen some of these in magazines and video!” I was in awe at all of my favorite looks “the whole reason I got into making my own costumes for dance was because I was inspired by some of these iconic looks” I pointed at a picture “like her blush pink power-business suit and the electric blue geometric dress at her Techies Gala premiere!” I turn the page and saw pictures of my parents “you made those too? My dad must’ve really loved my mom to be matching with her in these get ups!” I turn another page “that’s the wedding! You made her wedding dress?! Mom won’t even let me near that dress! I loved the sleeves and the shape of the train, especially the obi.” I pointed at my sash “it was my inspiration to my hero costume, I have an obi like middle that I use in battle.”

“You like my works to that point?” he was flattered “oh sweet child, I hoped you liked my designs” he turned to the next page “do you remember this dress?”

“Oh hey thats me!” I look at the picture of me in my toddler years “I loved that dress so much I never wanted to take it off! I cried when I out grew it but by then I could make another one with my quirk.” I looked at the pictures before it “oh, those are also me. You did hold me when I was a few weeks old.” I look up at him “why didn’t you visit?”

He sighed “I joined the fashion scene under an artist name and got very busy” you could feel the guilt in the air “I was traveling to China and Milan, parts of Europe for work and I just didn’t really have time to come by and visit.” he smiled “but your mother always sent me pictures of you and your siblings. On those rare days when our schedules align, we go out for some dim sum in disguises. On my rough days, I look at the pictures of you guys and it makes me feel like I’m working hard for my family and it gives me purpose to keep going.”

“Well, if it gives you purpose then I’m happy to be part of your family” I smile back “should we go back to training?”

“I think we’re good for today” he checked the time “it’s nearly time for dinner, what would you like to eat?”

“Rice and cold dish!” I tap my feet excitedly.

“Alright then, lets start cooking” he makes his way to the kitchen and I follow him. We have pleasant conversation over food and I felt less nervous around him. “Oh and before I forget! We’re going on a day patrol in plain clothes, be sure to be ready to go at 8am.”

I paused before I made my way to my room “Plain clothes at 8am, got it!”

“Good night Lili”

“Good night Mr Hakamada”

-Next morning-

“Alright, it’s just a short ways this way” he said as we hopped off the train “reason why we’re patrolling here is for more insider experience.”

“What do you mean?” I was a bit confused on why he couldn’t just tell me.

“You’ll see” he stops in front of a 3 story building “we’re here.”

After a few turns in the winding hallways of this place, he opens the door to a large professional fashion workroom “Oh my goodness! It’s the ICONIQUE workroom!” I turn to him “you work for them?!”

“I do, after your mother’s wedding dress went viral” he took off his scarf and light coat “it caught wind of this place that wanted to know who I was and wanted to give me a spot to design and create without the media knowing it’s me.”

“That’s so cool! What do you design here?” I look at the half finished gown on a mannequin “I’ve only seen snapchat stories of this place and they have different featured categories.”

“I do the statement and traditional designs” he points to a covered mannequin “this is what I just finished but yet to be featured on the platforms” he pulled the cloth covering to show me “a chiffon kimono with the obi to match.”

“OOOH! Translucent!” I loved this bold traditional piece “what an honor to get the insider on the next feature!” I remembered why I was here, not to tour this place but to do my internship “oh! what’s the reason to bring me here?”

“The point of being plain clothes patrolling is to lead a double identity” he hands them a lanyard with a badge “today, you are my understudy, Miss Natalan Ono. You are an arts student that was selected to observe and assist me on my next piece.” He sat at this work chair “You’re a legacy child because you’re related to Yoko Ono and is following in their footsteps. Now, back-stories aside, your role is to observe everyone and report suspicious activity to me. Nobody knows who I was before and I’ve noticed some suspicious heads.”

“Got it! One question though” I pointed at my badge “why Yoko Ono? Doesn’t the arts community hate her?”

“Yes but I’m not that creative” he chuckled “your mother is the master of backstory, maybe you can fill in some of the blanks that I left.” He swiveled to his work bench “now, can you get me some tea from the lounge? We passed it in the hallway.”

“Sure thing!” I put the badge on and made my way to the lounge. There were quite a few people in there and I was on high alert for any suspicious activity.

“Hi there!” called out a cheery voice as I poured some tea “haven’t seen you around here before? Are you a new hire?”

I gulped hard before turning to them, think of something Lili! “Um hello, I’m sadly not a new hire” I fixed my glasses shyly “I’m just interning for someone.”

I see their eyes shift to my badge, their smile disappeared “Oh...you’re that Ono legacy child Hakamada-kun has been talking about” she gave me a dirty look “I don’t care how good you are, you don’t deserve to be in his presence!”

“Um if I may ask, why do you think I’m not worthy?” I was getting whiplash from their change of tone.

“He’s a genius! Not to mention tall and brooding, nobody understands him except me!” she was giving off major yandere vibes and I was getting scared “he might turn down my help but it should be me in that workroom!”

I watch her turn away and the others in the room were staring at me now. Oof I probably gave myself away for everyone to pester me. Making my way around that office was harder now, everyone was giving me dirty looks and didn’t talk to me.

“Ready to go?” He asked as he put on his scarf.

I check the time, it was 5pm “Let me just get my bag and I’ll be ready.”

“How was your patrolling?”

“Awful, everyone was giving me dirty looks after that one yandere lady approached me.”

“You had the displeasure of meeting her huh?” he cringed “I have a feeling she’s taking her obsession a little too far.”

“What makes you believe that?”

“Well, some of my key patterns come up missing and it forces me to talk to her because she’s in the patterns department” he recalls “some of my embroidery hoops get roughed up when I want to use them, and my mannequins get moved around every time I come in the studio.”

“If that’s the case, then I guess some confrontation will have to do” I walk with him down the hall to leave and we run into her.

“Oh! You’re heading out for the day?”

“Yes I am, my intern and I were going for some dinner before going home.”

My heart stopped, why the fuck did he say that? Now it sounds like we’re in a relationship! Say something Lili! “As a thank you for taking me in! We should get going Mr. Hakamada! My parents are waiting at the dim sum place” I bow to the lady “it was nice meeting you! Have a nice evening.” We scurry out of earshot “What the hell are you trying to do! Get yourself accused of romancing your intern in front of a yandere?!”

“I realized my mistake the second it came out of my mouth” he turned red “I have a feeling I’m going to see a lot of things missing tomorrow.”

We get home and spend time just hanging out, cooked dinner and pleasant conversation. Just like a family, but I knew in the back of my mind that it’s not a pleasure stay here. It was almost like he arranged things to be like this so he wouldn’t be alone. We went to the studio the next day to find no mannequins in the room.

“Oh this is bad Lili” He said as he checked all around the space for one “I have to present this chiffon kimono today for the media directors to post on the platforms.”

Think Lili, THINK! “Does it have to be on a mannequin?”

“No but where am I going to find an alternative in time?”

I give twirl “I might of gained some muscle on my slender physique but I’m a good clothes model” I point to the bolt of muslin “we can make a full body suit of muslin on me to mimic the look of one but I do some movement and complex posing.”

“You know what, I love that idea” he took the bolt out of the wall of fabric “Lets get started!”

It took almost an hour to get me ready for the spread but of course the yandere lady walks in on him dressing me in the kimono.

“Oh! Is that what you’re presenting today?! It’s gorgeous!” 

“It’s my greatest work yet” he sighed “say, have you heard of all the mannequins going missing?”

“Can’t say that I have!” her tone was so fake, I wanted to punch her in the face “why? Have yours gone missing?”

“They have! But my intern is on the case” he was ad libbing “She’s amazing and quick thinking! She’s at the head of security right now checking the security cameras for theft.”

“Is that so? I hope security doesn’t give her trouble” you can hear the panic in her voice, wish I could see her face “well I’ll go fetch her for you.”

He waits for her to leave “Thanks for not moving, that would’ve set her off.”

“I was trying so hard not to call her out or punch her face!” I huffed “seriously, the nerve of her!”

The people came in to take pictures and such. They were surprised to see that I was the mannequin and said that it adds to the aesthetic of the garment. It was cool to see how they set things up for showcasing, I couldn’t wait to tell Rosa and my mom that I was the model for the garment! Once everything was done, I unraveled the muslin off me and I looked at myself in the mirror with the kimono on. I loved the shade of pink and the shape of it, I couldn’t stop looking at myself.

“You really love that garment huh?”

“I do! I’ve been a fan of kimono and all the traditional Japanese clothing” I look at him from the mirror “when I get married, I want to have a Japanese wedding and wear my mother’s obi and a custom kimono.”

“I hope to be in attendance then!” he chuckled as he came up behind me in the mirror “will this old man have a place in the audience?”

I turn to face him “Always, aren’t we family?” I hugged him “I don’t care if this is a little weird.”

“Oh child” his voice cracked a bit “you’re as loving as your mother” he hugged back “I wish I could’ve been there to see you grow up.”

“Well, I’m still growing” I didn’t break the hug yet “it’s not too late, you can still be in my life as I go through hero school and become a dancer.”

“Hmmm, why did you go the hero route?” he broke the hug “you clearly have a passion for dance and costuming.”

“Well, aside from not getting into any of the schools I applied to” I felt like I got caught “I’m attending UA to spite my dad. He puts pressure on me as the oldest to follow in his footsteps but I don’t want to be one of the great and noble Iida family!” I stomped my feet to show my frustration “I want to go to a dance academy but mom says I’m too young to be sent away like that. So the plan is to get strong and more than capable to be sent away for dance academy like I were to go to college. That way I can defend myself to give my parents the ease of mind while I’m away.”

“Are you planning to use your hero skills in anyway?”

“Um, uhhh I’m not sure” that really got me thinking “maybe if dad decides to step down as Ingenium, then I could take over if need be.”

“So you’re here with no plan and no real motive?”

“No sir” if he put it like that, then I feel guilty for being here.

“Child, I’m not here to shame you” he got down to my level “I want to give you motive to be the best hero you can be, even if you don’t plan on being one per-say.”

“Huh? How can I be one without being one?”

“You can inspire a new type of hero” he put his hands on my shoulders “being the dancing hero that graces the stage and apprehends villains. Who knows, you might even start an academy of your own!”  

“Dancing hero...I like the sound of that!” I smile and hop in place “do you really think I can be an inspiration?”

“Your mother did, I don’t see how you can’t” he stood up and put his hand on my head “come on, we have some more work to do.”

I take the garment off and get back to being his intern. His words filled that void of belonging in this hero world. He tells me more stories of his hero days when we got home, like a grandfather telling stories to their grandchildren. Now I really feel like I’m at a family member’s house and not at my internship!

“Hey can I call you grandpa?” I asked before going to my room for the night “like in a respectable way?”

He looked at me in shock but then thought about it “You may as long as it’s respectable.”

“Okay then!” I watch him walk to his room “good night grandpa!”

He stopped to respond “Good night Lili.”

The next day we did actual training and I was engrossed in everything he was teaching me. From the way I’m supposed to move to the new techniques I’ve never heard of...everything was being soaked in. Because now I have purpose, I don’t want to spite my dad, I want to make grandpa proud of me! I want to be a hero that little 5 year old me would be inspired by to start dancing and feel confident in their rocket feet...I know what I have to do now.

-Chapter 3, End-

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