#my holy grail of foundations

[fairytwles]

found the foundation i ran out of over a month ago in a random supermarket after thinking it was discontinued

[svartalfhild]

oooo, movie ask, 1975!

Well shit, there's a number of movies from that year that I love and it's very hard to choose. I will give you Top 3:

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Tommy

Rocky Horror Picture Show

[trumanjo]

A customer a work today told me I had great skin. It was really nice to hear, but it just goes to show that the things you're insecure about isn't necessarily what other people see.

[liviawildrose]

𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦 𝟏𝟎𝟏

the cold truth: your brain is the boss of your reality

your brain is not just a squishy organ in your skull. it’s a pattern-detecting, future-projecting, meaning-assigning machine. and your nervous system? it’s the messenger. the mood conductor. the switchboard for every single emotional, physical, spiritual vibe you feel.

if your nervous system is dysregulated (and let’s be honest most of us walking around with trauma, burnout, bad parenting, too much social media, and zero rest it is), then your brain is operating in survival mode. not goddess mode.

you feel like shit because your nervous system is hijacked

this is not your personality. this is your programming.

are you always anxious, snappy, emotionally numb, overly sensitive, tired but wired, can’t focus, can’t sleep, stuck in loops of overthinking? or maybe you feel shut down, depressed, numb, foggy, dissociated, hopeless?

you might be in dorsal vagal shutdown. it’s the freeze state. it’s what your body does when the danger feels too big to fight or run from.

and if you’re just constantly overstimulating your brain with useless content, noise, stress, porn, gossip, sugar, or doomscrolling congrats. you’re in a state of what i like to call:

✨ neural masturbation ✨

aka: mental overstimulation with zero productive output. feels good short-term, wrecks your life long-term.

but wait, you can rewire all this.

1. nervous system regulation

this is the foundation. nothing in your life changes until your nervous system feels safe. period.

→ vagus nerve activation (the holy grail):

• cold showers / face in ice water

• deep belly breathing (inhale 4, exhale 8)

• humming / chanting / singing

• slow rhythmic movement (like walking, swimming, yoga)

• touch / pressure (weighted blanket, self hugs)

• grounding in nature (barefoot on grass, laying on the earth)

→ cut stimulation

• limit social media + screen time

• no phones in bed

• 1 hour in silence every day (no input = integration)

→ rest like it’s your job

• nap

• stare at the ceiling

• do nothing without guilt

• let your brain process and chill

now relax cause first i’m gonna tell y’all about

YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM

the nervous system is your body’s electric language.

it’s what lets you feel, move, react, survive, and thrive.

if your brain is the CPU, then your nervous system is the WiFi. and let me tell you:

bad WiFi = glitchy reality

strong, stable WiFi = smooth, sexy manifestation pipeline

so when you’re stuck in fear, shame, doubt, overthinking, self-hate spirals —

it’s often your nervous system crying:

“yo… i’m overloaded. i need safety. i need co-regulation. i need a hug and some fkn magnesium.”

THE THREE NERVOUS SYSTEM MODES

1. SYMPATHETIC STATE – “FIGHT or FLIGHT”

• activated by threat, stress, trauma, survival

• you feel: anxious, restless, angry, hyper, can’t sit still, can’t stop thinking

• body: tense muscles, shallow breath, maybe stomach issues

• mind: “i have to do more or else i’ll fail”

and the way my biology teacher told us “when you have your cumulative test in a hour and you haven’t prepared for it”

this is your hustler mode but in survival. it’s useful in short bursts, but living here full-time burns you out.

2. DORSAL VAGAL – “FREEZE or FAWN”

• when you’re overwhelmed AF, so your system shuts down

• you feel: numb, hopeless, dissociated, heavy, tired all the time, unmotivated

• mind: “what’s the point… nothing matters. i’ll never succeed.”

• body: depression, chronic fatigue, no appetite or bingeing, low energy

most depressed people stay in this state, notice how nothing exite them anymore? yeah that’s the reason

this is the shutdown zone. not your fault. your system is protecting you from past danger.

3. VENTRAL VAGAL – “SAFE & SOCIAL”

• the state of calm, creativity, confidence, clarity

• you feel: grounded, happy, motivated, connected, flowy

• body: relaxed shoulders, steady breath, sparkle in the eyes

• mind: “i got this. life is working for me. i’m safe to be seen and succeed.”

THIS is where you create magic. THIS is where you’re magnetic. THIS is where you manifest with ease.

✨ HOW TO REGULATE YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM AND BECOME GODMODE ✨

literally regulate your nervous system and you’ll watch your life snap into place. here’s the top practices to get you into your divine ventral state daily:

breath work

slow, deep breathing tells your brain: “you’re safe now”

• box breathing (4–4–4–4) = calms anxiety

• 4-7-8 breathing = activates parasympathetic calm response

• deep belly breaths = nervous system reset. not chest. not shallow. go deep.

cold showers and face dips

“wtf” i know — but science supports this

cold activates your vagus nerve = instant mental reset

you’re literally shocking your body out of panic

BILATERAL STIMULATION (aka EMDR-style techniques)

• tapping left/right sides of your body

• eye movement back and forth

• walking with intention

this helps you process trauma, rewire beliefs, and regulate emotions

it brings both brain hemispheres into sync = POWER MODE

LISTEN TO BINAURAL BEATS + SUBLIMINALS

• 528Hz = love, healing

• 963Hz = crown chakra, divine connection

• 432Hz = natural harmony

• subliminals + these = subconscious and nervous system healing

layer it up like your sonic skincare.

CO-REGULATION / TOUCH / SAFETY

you are not meant to heal alone.

being near people who feel calm + safe will literally regulate your system through mirror neurons.

hugs, holding hands, even voice notes from your bff = nervous system gold.

even petting a dog. even hugging a pillow with lavender oil.

your nervous system doesn’t care if it’s “real” or not. it just wants love.

btw, i’m always here to listen to ya so 💗

now we talk about brain

YOUR BRAIN IS A GODDAMN UNIVERSE. TREAT IT LIKE ONE.

so let’s get this straight:

you wanna be that global idol, soloist, actress, ceo, dancer, doctor, engineer, model, teacher, lawyer, the prettiest face of luxury brands, walk with your head high while everyone’s eyes are glued to you like you’re gravity itself?

then honey? you better be training your brain like it’s a fucking star, like the most important asset of your life.

let’s talk about RAS (reticular activating system) — the gateway to your dream reality

the RAS is a filter in your brainstem that decides what you notice in the world.

you ever learn a new word and suddenly hear it everywhere? or think about someone and they text you?

that’s RAS in action. it’s the brain’s “selective attention” system.

and here’s the wild part:

✨ it’s programmable. ✨

so if you wake up and feed it images of wealth, beauty, love, success, peace, power

the RAS will start scanning the environment for ways to make that real.

you’ll start seeing opportunities.

you’ll meet the right people.

you’ll “magically” land where you need to be.

it’s not coincidence. it’s science.

✧ start here: train your RAS everyday

1. create a vision board (digital, physical, mental doesn’t matter)

2. make a mind movie (a video of your dream life set to music that activates you)

3. record your affirmations in your own voice and listen to them while you get ready

4. journal like you’re already living your dream —“today i woke up in paris with flowers on my balcony…” (you can totally use chatgpt for this)

your subconscious doesn’t know the difference between real + imagined.

so imagine obsessively.

protect your cognitive real estate:

aka: no, you don’t need to be in every group chat. no, you don’t need to scroll till 3am.

attention is your most expensive currency.

every time you give it to something stupid, you’re telling your RAS: “this is what matters.”

→ unfollow people who drain you

→ clear your digital clutter

→ 1 hour a day = no screen, no noise, just you

→ read real books. journal like it’s a prayer. stare into space and let your brain breathe

your nervous system is a little animal you have to soothe it like one.

stop trying to “outthink” your trauma.

you have to out-feel it. (that’s what therapist are for)

you don’t need a new life.

you need a nervous system that can hold the life you already want.

nervous system magic:

• vagus nerve stim: humming, chanting, cold exposure, slow touch

• qigong, yoga, cat-cow movements

• barefoot on the earth

• safe connection: hug someone. or yourself. or a pillow. oxytocin heals.

• rest like a ritual: sleep in blackout, no screens 2 hours before bed, soft music, magnesium

build a focus temple in your life

focus is the biggest asset in today’s world

you can’t be god-level if you’re scattered.

ritualize your focus like monks light incense:

• pick one sacred hour of the day for deep work

• same playlist, same drink, same setup every time = anchors your brain

• eliminate all distractions. wear headphones. close tabs. put phone in another room.

• set timer. 25 mins on, 5 mins off. brain LOVES structure.

discipline is not punishment.

discipline is devotion to the future you.

final rituals: become a high-frequency brain baddie

• daily dopamine reset: no phone for first 30 mins. no junk food. movement > screen.

• write “evidence logs”: every time something good happens, write it down. builds trust.

• label your thoughts: not “i suck” → “this is a scarcity thought pattern. i choose abundance.”

• use scents to program memory — perfume, incense, oils = mood anchors

• mirror work: say it until your cells believe it

• microdoses of beauty: fresh flowers. sunlight. favorite song. brain food for the soul.

• romanticize boring shit: do dishes in your favourite pjs with some music. make your smoothie like it’s a spell. trick your brain into seeing the sacred in the mundane.

YOUR BODY IS YOUR TEMPLE, BUT YOUR BRAIN? IT’S THE ALTAR.

you wanna be a superstar? then you gotta treat your brain like a sacred device, a divine motherboard, a throne room where gods hold council.

no more trash inputs, okay?

• Omega-3s (salmon, walnuts, chia seeds): makes your brain juicy & sharp like a sword.

• Dark chocolate (real, not sugary junk): boosts serotonin and cognition.

• Avocados: healthy fats = smooth thinking.

• Blueberries: literal brain magic. anti-aging. memory-boosting. psychic fairy food.

• Green tea: focus, calm, clarity.

• Turmeric (with black pepper): anti-inflammatory. sharpens your third eye, no joke.

avoid: processed junk, white sugar, excess caffeine, soda these kill your neurons and steal your shine.

CRYSTALS FOR BRAINS THAT RULE REALITIES:

wanna think like a god? wear your altar. hold your ritual. program your crystals.

Fluorite

known as the “Genius Stone” clarity, order, concentration

Amethyst

balances moods, enhances spiritual downloads, calms anxiety

Clear Quartz

master healer amplifies any thought or intention

Labradorite

unlocks intuition, helps access creativity and divine inspiration

Lapis Lazuli

throat + third eye activation — confidence, insight, articulation

(there are more so please do your own research too)

SUBLIMINALS ARE PSYCHIC STEROIDS. USE THEM WISELY.

you wanna rewire your reality? go subliminal.

subliminals = messages that bypass your conscious filter and go straight into your subconscious (the part of your mind that rules 95% of your life).

use subliminals to:

• upgrade your looks (yes, facial structure and skin can shift)

• enhance intelligence, memory, learning speed

• remove limiting beliefs

• manifest luxury, fame, love, power, anything

• regulate emotions + trauma

listen while you sleep. stack affirmations. make your own. reprogram your thoughts like you’re rewriting code. (i personally don’t cause my head hurts but everyone on the internet seems to function fine after listening overnight so you do you, see what works for you)

“OUR EMOTIONS SHAPE OUR DESTINY.” – DR. LISA FELDMAN BARRETT

yes. that’s the queen.

Lisa Feldman Barrett – one of the most iconic modern psychologists.

she said: “Emotions are not just feelings. They are predictions your brain makes about the world.”

baby. this means your emotions aren’t just cute little inner weather reports

they’re codes. previews. they shape how you perceive the world and what you attract.

CONTROL EMOTIONS = CONTROL DESTINY

if you can master your emotional reactions, you can literally start sculpting your fate.

you’ll go from:

“omg why is this happening to me 🥺”

to:

“ah. this is a trigger. this is old wiring. time to reprogram it. thanks, universe.”

USE YOUR EMOTIONS AS FUEL:

• anger → power.

• sadness → transformation.

• jealousy → awareness of what you want.

• boredom → signal to evolve.

your emotions are tools. not curses. not weaknesses. tools.

REALITY IS THOUGHTS TURNED SOLID.

“Everything you see around you was once a thought. Literally.”

somebody thought about inventing the mug you’re sipping from.

somebody thought about the phone you’re scrolling this on.

somebody dreamed of stages and world tours and beauty empires and then built them from neurons.

so now let me ask you this, baby girl:

what are you thinking today?

what are you planting in the garden of your mind?

WHEN YOU FEEL STUCK, ASK:

• why am i resisting this task? (fear of failure? fear of success?)

• what would my highest self do right now?

• what does future me already know that i’m forgetting?

your brain is plastic. not like barbie plastic (although slay), i mean neuroplasticity —

it can change at any age. any moment. every time you choose a new thought, you’re choosing a new future.

what is neuroplasticity, actually?

in plain words?

neuroplasticity is your brain’s ability to change its structure, reorganize itself, rewire its own circuits, and literally form new connections depending on how you think, act, feel, and even imagine.

it’s the reason:

• you can learn to walk again after a stroke

• trauma can change your brain, but healing can rebuild it

• habits form. habits break. habits get replaced.

• you can literally manifest your desired personality, success, skills, vibe, life

the wiring in your brain is not fixed. you are not stuck. your thoughts? your behaviors? they’re rewiring you all day, every day.

you’re literally programming your brain just by being you.

spiritual + psychological fact:

whatever you consistently focus on

whatever emotion you regularly feel

whatever pattern you repeatedly fall into

that becomes your default neurocircuit.

but that also means:

if you build new ones intentionally you become a new you.

how to activate your neuroplasticity

1. Repetition + Intention = neural pathways

keep repeating what you want to believe/do/feel. over and over.

make it juicy. emotional. real. the brain learns through intensity and repetition.

“i am becoming a global icon. my voice moves millions. my presence reshapes reality.”

repeat that till your brain thinks it’s already true and soon, it will be.

2. Visualisation = neural rehearsal

your brain cannot tell the difference between what you vividly imagine and what’s actually happening.

this is why athletes, CEOs, artists they all visualize before they perform.

wanna become a pop icon?

close your eyes. picture the stage. feel the lights. the screams.

your brain begins to rewire as if you’re already that person.

this is called “functional neuroplasticity” — building new functions through mental rehearsal

3. Regulate your nervous system

your brain won’t rewire itself properly if you’re in fight or flight 24/7.

you have to feel safe enough to rewire.

do:

• breathwork (box breathing, alternate nostril)

• vagus nerve stimulation (gargling, cold plunges, humming)

• long nature walks

• grounding (barefoot on earth)

• magnesium-rich food + adaptogens

• meditate. but make it vibey.

4. Use tech to reprogram: SUBLIMINALS + AFFIRMATIONS

subliminals literally bypass your conscious brain and go straight to the subconscious.

pair them with:

• headphones (esp. binaural beats = brainwave entrainment)

• night time listening (again see what works for you and listen accordingly)

• theta wave frequencies (your subconscious is most open here)

your subconscious mind = the operating system.

subliminals = code updates. neuroplasticity = the install button.

APP RECCOMENDATION :- manifest

5. Journaling + affirmations = mirror neurons in action

when you write new beliefs (in present tense), your brain starts mirroring them.

especially if you do it in your own handwriting.

your brain’s like: “oh wait… we’re serious?? okay bet. rewiring now.”

6. Act like the version of you who has what you want

neuroplasticity loves behavior.

you don’t just think your way into new wiring, you act it.

so dress like her. walk like her. post like her. speak like her.

watch how the brain reconfigures itself into that version.

“act as if” is not delusion. it’s neuroscience.

also follow @emonthebrain on instagram she is a neuroscientist she makes reels on brain, neuroscience and how you can practically change your life by using neuroscience

[bennyboyfics]

Soft launch gone wrong || Ben Shelton x gf!reader

Summary: when your relationship w Ben is hard launched when he walks behind you in your insta live

Wc: 949

Warnings: none!!

MASTERLIST

-

You prop your phone against the bathroom mirror, angling it so your followers get the perfect view of your setup—your makeup bag spread across the counter, a steaming cup of coffee beside it, and the luxurious hotel lighting making your skin glow. The background is just blurry enough that it looks aesthetic but still natural.

“Okay, we’re live,” you say, tapping a brush against your foundation bottle. “I literally just woke up, so if I look half-dead, no, you didn’t.” The comments start rolling in almost instantly.

— ‘Omg, morning grwm!!’

— ‘Wait, where are you? This bathroom looks fancy AF.’

— ‘GIRL are you in Australia right now??

— ‘Are you in Melbourne for a brand trip??’

— ‘Your skin is insane. Drop the routine RIGHT NOW.’

You fight the urge to smirk. “I am,” you confirm vaguely. “Okay, so this is my holy grail foundation,” you say, holding up the bottle before dabbing more onto your skin. “It just melts in, like—ugh, look at that. Flawless.” As you continue with your routine, the camera subtly picks up details in the background—nothing major, but just enough for your more eagle-eyed followers to start investigating.

A black duffel bag sits partially unzipped on the floor. A watch that definitely isn’t yours rests on the counter. And, most notably, a tennis shirt—crisp white with pink and yellow and the unmistakable On logo—is draped casually over a chair in the corner. You don’t address it, keeping the mystery alive. “I landed in Australia two days ago,” you say vaguely, dabbing concealer under your eyes.

“It’s my first time here, and oh my god, the heat? You guys weren’t joking.” You’re mid-sentence when you catch movement in the mirror’s reflection. Your hand stills. Ben walks past the open bathroom door, fresh out of the shower, with just a towel slung dangerously low on his hips. His skin is still damp, droplets of water clinging to his abs, and he’s rubbing another towel through his curls absentmindedly.

The chat absolutely explodes.

— ‘HELPPPP WE ALL JUST SAW THAT.’

— ‘MA’AM???’

— ‘NAH THAT WAS BEN SHELTON.’

— ‘He was one towel slip away from changing your whole career 💀.’

You press your lips together, trying not to laugh as you pretend nothing happened. With the most nonchalant expression you can manage, you simply blink, pick up your blush, and continue blending. “Anyway,” you say, voice light and breezy, “I’ve been loving this cream blush lately. It just makes your skin look so healthy, you know?”

The comments are absolutely unhinged.

— ‘Bestie, we all saw your man half-naked. Give it up.’

— ‘You’re so unserious for that, LMAO.’

— ‘Soft launch fumbled in 4K.’

— ‘Blink twice if he’s holding you hostage LMAO.’

You giggle, finally breaking. “You guys are insane. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Another flood of messages.

— ‘OH SHE’S PLAYING DUMB NOW.’

— ‘Yeah, okay, we’ll pretend we didn’t see anything.’

— ‘So when’s the official announcement?”

You finish up your makeup, still laughing to yourself at how Twitter is probably already blowing up. But you say nothing, keeping up the act. You’re just a girl in Australia for a brand trip. That’s all.

-

Later that day, the Australian sun beats down on Melbourne Park, the energy buzzing through Rod Laver Arena as fans pour into their seats. The crowd hums with excitement, awaiting Ben’s upcoming match, and you slip into his player’s box casually beside his dad and his team, sunglasses perched on your nose.

Despite the heat, you look effortlessly put together—your outfit a perfect blend of sporty and stylish, camera-ready without being too obvious. The moment you sit down, heads turn. People online had speculated that you were in Melbourne for a campaign or a tennis collaboration, but now, seeing you in Ben Shelton’s box? It fuels an entirely different conversation.

It’s only been a few hours since your Instagram Live, but Twitter is already in flames.

— ‘SHE LIEDDDDD SHE SAID “MOVING ON” AND THEN SHOWED UP IN HIS PLAYER BOX.’

— ‘You mean to tell me we all saw Ben in a towel this morning and NOW SHE’S HERE? IN THE BOX??’

— ‘Ben Shelton winning on AND off the court.’

— ‘WAIT. SHE’S NOT JUST HERE FOR A BRAND DEAL??’

— ‘SHE’S IN HIS PLAYER BOX. CONFIRMED. CONFIRMED.’

— ‘The towel incident makes so much sense now.’

You cross one leg over the other, scrolling through your phone briefly before tucking it away, feeling the stares. The cameras pan across the stadium, and when they land on you, the big screen flashes your face for a split second—long enough for the commentators to take notice. “And there’s a familiar face in the crowd today,” one of them says, amused.

“Looks like someone’s special guest is here.” You smirk slightly, pretending to be engrossed in the match as Ben steps onto the court, his presence commanding attention. The stadium erupts in cheers, but his eyes flicker toward you briefly before refocusing.

And that’s when the tweets really go crazy.

— ‘Nah, she soft launched this man just hours ago, and now she’s sitting in his player’s box like a damn queen.’

— ‘We lost her, boys.‘

— ‘Ben Shelton is LIVING THE DREAM.’

The match begins, and with every point Ben scores, you clap, maintaining a cool composure, but the truth is—you’re trying not to burst out laughing at your phone buzzing nonstop. Soft launch? Yeah, that was a failure. But at this point, you might as well lean into it.

[sugardollyxoxo]

How to soften your appearance 🧁

Brows brows brows- Your are brows are one of the most defining features of your face. Shape, color, and thickness can drastically change how you're perceived.

When going for a delicate look, soft arches & straighter brows create a more dolly appearance. As for color I've found that black can be a bit harsh so I bleach my brows to make them 1-2 shades lighter, it's a subtle change but does so much.

If bleaching and dyeing sound a bit scary you can always use a lighter brow tint, I highly recommend the one from kiss me.

Hair- Curls will be your best friend, whether it's soft princess curls or fluffy blowouts. They instantly give off youthful energy, if you have natural curls & coils you already have an advantage!

Same point as with eyebrows, black can be a bit harsh on the features, warmer colors like honey blonde, ginger, and brown compliment your skin tone and prevent you from looking washed out, but this is totally optional and also AVOID SLICK BACK STYLES.

Makeup- Makeup- DO NOT be scared of blush! The purpose of blush is to mimic blood flow in the face, which gives that cute, flushed appearance making you look vibrant and healthy.

Skin tints are my holy grail they give such a flawless skin like finish without feeling heavy. As for powders & baking, only set areas that tend to get oily like your T-zone and eyelids.

If you do prefer heavy powders or more matte foundations use a glowy balm or dewy setting spray (you can layer this on top of a more locking setting spray since dewy finishes may not lock in makeup as well) after to bring back that glow.

Other tips ♡

-Circle lenses - OMG this is a game changer they give you instant doe eyes (your girl has astigmatism and this is my fav site, i use Weenin Black)

-Dress in brighter pastel colors

-Glossy lip products & tints are a must

-Shimmer everywhere !!! (face, neck, chest, arms) you will be ethereal ✨

[leeannsparks]

Jackson's Own Rockstar: Chapter 2

CH 1 & CH 3

Synopsis: Let it be known that on September 26th, 2003 your life almost ended along with the world because you had a pair of fucking headphones on at work. Absolutely ridiculous looking back on it, but god if you don’t miss that record store sometimes. It’s like you can almost see the way it was before monsters started crashing through the windows and your boss dragged you into the back room. Now, twenty years later, you’ve finally found a little bit of home to grow your peace in, but when gruffness and kindness walk through the gates of Jackson, that peace starts to grow on a shakier foundation.

Pairing: Jackson Joel Miller x Female Reader

Chapter Two: Advice For The Young At Heart

Quiet means safe.

Quiet means there can’t be judgment or danger. 

Sometimes, when you’re lucky enough to get a full night's sleep, on nights where it's quiet, it’s like you can feel the bed rocking to and fro on top of never still waters. A mimic of the waves that used to lull you to sleep, lapping at broken barriers. 

As long as you don’t open your eyes, the rays of the sun won’t find you, won’t parch your throat, won’t remind you that it’s another day-

BANG BANG BANG

It’s not quiet anymore.

Your body disconnected from the bed as you jolted up, you’re still in your room, four corners, ground beneath your feet.

BANG BANG BANG 

You glanced at the alarm clock on your bedside table and groaned. Should’ve known Ellie would wake you at, fuck what was it, 7:30 AM.

There was limited time for you to fully wake up since there was a good chance she would keep knocking until someone answered. So you slipped out of bed, the pajama pants you fell asleep in falling to your ankles from where they had ridden up during the night.

When you opened the door, you could see the culprit fidgeting on your front porch, but still looking as giddy as she had been the night before. 

You fought down the yawn rising in the back of your throat, blinking away the drowsiness before fixing her with a knowing look. “How did I know you were gonna be here before breakfast, huh?”

She shrugged, “s’not my fault, you should’ve said ‘Ellie, I’m old, I need sleep, don’t be here before nine.’ But you didn’t, so now I’m here.” This little shit.

“Oh yeah, it’s definitely my fault for being so old and decrepit,” she just nodded along as if it was the most truthful thing that was ever spoken. You shook it off with a laugh and stepped aside. “Well, come on in then, make yourself at home.” 

You could hear the soft ‘woah’ that Ellie let out as she took in the small expanse of your home. She lost her balance once or twice while trying to toe off her shoes since she refused to look away from the walls. Her eyes were drawn to the empty album covers collaged with weathered posters thumbtacked to the wall. She traced the skeleton of the T-rex embedded in a red circle and pressed a finger over E.T.’s outstretched one. She seemed to admire the moon on the last one longer than any of the others. Moving on her feet shuffled over to the record player that was situated beside the small box TV, hands hovering around it as if she wouldn’t dare touch it.

She turned around and stared at you like you had just shown her the holy grail. “Dude, where did you get all this stuff?”

You could really only offer her a shrug, “I’ve just been collecting since I got here, I guess. A lot of the bigger stuff I got from a few trades around here, but the rest have just been from trips with Eugene.”

“Who’s Eugene?” She asked while admiring the art on the opposite wall.

“He’s one of the people on patrol, really good guy, you’ll probably meet him at some point.” All the teens know Eugene. 

The idea of you leaving the safety of Jackson seemed to excite her, but why you couldn’t tell.“Where do you guys go?”

You noticed the clutter surrounding the TV stand and coffee table and decided it would give your idle hands something to do. It’s not often that you have visitors come over. Mars Eugene and Gail tended to be your most frequent guests, and even they never stayed for more than an hour or two. “We found this town that’s a couple days out, was mostly abandoned, a few infected, but Eugene and I hit the jackpot with that place.” You set aside the stack of vinyls that would need to be sorted later. “Record store, comic shop, and a pharmacy, oh, it was like Christmas. Course, we couldn’t take everything back with us the first time since it was just us two, but we were able to get permission from the town to head down there every couple of months. After bringing back all the ‘essentials’ first of course,” you emphasized with a quick wink her way.

“That’s awesome…so you like comics too?”

“Yeah, didn’t really get into them until I was a teenager, but yeah.”

“You ever read Savage Starlight?” The name sounded familiar; you’d probably passed by it a million times before when you were younger, and now you were wondering if you had glanced over it on one of your trips with Eugene.

“You know, surprisingly, I haven’t, guess you’ll have to educate me on it.” 

She seemed excited by the idea, “cool…so is this all the albums you have?” You saw her gesture towards the singular box beside the record player. 

Oh, she has no idea. “Ha, yeah no, that’s not all of them, here come on.” You motioned for her to follow you to the door of the spare room. There was theatricality in the way you slowly opened the door to reveal what was inside to her.

“No fucking way…”

It was like her eyes didn’t know what to look at first, rapidly darting between the numerous movie posters, magazine clippings on the wall, and knick-knacks on top of the dresser. Ellie mentally counted the six no eight full boxes of vinyls, there were two by the door. Part of you was hesitant to put up any of the stuff you’d collected within that first year. But with every inch of the wall that was covered, it slowly started to remind you of your room at mom's house. You wondered if, even miles away and years apart, did it still look the same?

“Oh, but wait, there’s more,” you said while dragging the weighty green storage bin from the corner towards the middle of the room. She looked between you and the bin like she wasn’t sure what you wanted her to do. “Open it.”

Without any further encouragement, she popped the lid off and lost her mind at the brightly colored graphics of the dozens of comic books inside. “There’s so many,” she said while picking up a copy of the Uncanny X-Men, one of your most recent selections. You knew she would fall in love with that one. “Have you read all of these?”

“Not yet, I’ve gotten through a good chunk of them, but I’ve been using them for trades lately, let the kids have something fun to read now and then.” She had already opened the front page and was devouring the new material like it was going to leave her hands at any moment. You realized that the two of you could spend the whole day just going through this one bin if you didn’t offer up anything else. “Have you eaten breakfast yet?”

She didn’t bother looking up from the comic. “No, Joel usually makes something in the morning, but he was still asleep when I left. Pretty sure he’s got patrol today.” 

“Well, that’s alright…here,” you said while dragging one of the many milk crates over to Ellie. This one was labelled Classics, and you were interested to see which ones she would choose from it.“Why don’t you pick out five from here that catch your eye while I get started on breakfast? Sound good?”

She gave you a mock salute and immediately dropped the comic book before turning to rifle through the crate. 

There was only one pan in the cabinet, ridiculously large for the amount of eggs you were cooking, but the rest of your meager cooking utensils were being used for leftovers in the fridge. Shit, and you only had three slices of bacon, kids need more than that right? Luckily enough, you still had half a loaf of bread in the fridge, hopefully a bacon and egg sandwich would be enough to tide you both over until the mess hall served lunch. 

Once everything had been placed on the counter and the pan was heated enough, you called out over your shoulder, “how do you take your eggs Ellie?”

“Any way is fine as long as the yellow thing isn’t wiggly!” She yelled back from the room. 

The yellow thing, “you mean the yolk?”

“Yeah, that thing!” Your shoulders shook with the laughter you tried to contain. In your opinion, a runny yolk is superior, but you could so how a kid would find it appalling. There were a lot of things you didn’t like at her age, back when you had the privilege of being picky about what you would eat for dinner that night. 

You ended up giving Ellie two slices of the bacon and an extra egg just in case the girl was a bottomless pit like you used to be. 

The sandwiches were put on a plate and you were about to call for Ellie to come eat when you heard her exclaim, “holy shit!”

Curious about what she found, you started walking back to the room, “everything okay?” Wait, she's not in this room.

“This is the coolest guitar I’ve ever seen!” Fuck she’s in my room. You took in a deep breath at the flash of anger that rushed through you at the realization. She’s just a kid, she doesn’t know any better.

You walked back out and took the few steps towards your room to see her gazing up at the Peavey Star Tracer hanging on your wall. A near-perfect replica of the one you…lost. 

“I gave you that whole room in there, and you still decide to snoop in here?” There was an overabundance of teasing in your tone to make up for the smidgen of anger you were trying to tamp down.

Fuck it’s hard to stay mad at her when she looks so excited. “Yeah, but that room didn’t have this.” She gave the biggest gesture towards the guitar as if to say, ‘see, look at it!’

You walked towards her, offering the plate that held her sandwich. “Well, looks like you found Rene…” she snatched the food off of it and took a ferocious bite like it was about to be stolen from her.

“You named your guitar?” She asked through a mouthful of the sandwich, a bit of yolk stuck to the side of her mouth. 

You took your own bite, “yeah, of course, if you’re gonna pick it up every day and play it, at least show it some respect and give it a name.”

Her head bobbed up and down in confused agreement. “What about the one you were playing last night?”

“That one’s called Boise.” You said, pointing towards the guitar case beside your bed. Just like the instrument inside, it was covered in faded and scratched stickers that you had managed to collect over the years. The case was undeniably a bit more barren than what it housed. 

“Hmm, weird name,” yeah, weird name. “So does this one even work, or is it just for show?”

“Sadly, Rene’s been out of commission for a long time.”

“What do you need to fix it?”

“Shit that I don’t have and skills that I don’t have, but it’s fine, I knew I’d have a snowball's chance of getting it to work when I brought it here.”

She asked why you even brought it with you if it didn’t work. “Because I had one just like it, back before all of this. Got it for my twelfth birthday, played it every day, even tried to bring it with me when we had to leave, but…nothing like that lasts out there. Figured it couldn’t just be a coincidence when I found her sitting beside Boise in her case, so I brought them both back with me.”

There was investment in her eyes, “you know, Joel told me a while back that he probably would’ve been able to fix a guitar for me when we got here…maybe he can take a look at that one too.” The sentiment, while sweet, was pretty impossible. Not only were you not going to ask a new resident to do something for you, but there was also no way anyone was touching that guitar. 

You both finished off the last bite of your sandwiches. “Yeah, maybe…so which records did you end up picking?” 

One after another, you looked through what caught her eye. Joan, Ziggy, Tears for Fears, Depeche, aww, and look at that, she even chose Meat Loaf. My money is on her picking that one solely because of the name.  “Oh Ellie, Ellie, Ellie…these are all excellent choices.”

She seemed mighty pleased with the verdict, even gave herself a congratulatory high-five. “I knew it, so which one should we start with?”

A little confused because you thought she would want the first pick, you asked, “you want me to pick?” Her head just nodded like it was obvious, “alright then…well, I guess we’ve gotta start with the always fabulous Bowie.”

“You had a lot of his albums, what’s so ‘fabulous’ about him?”

“Oh my sweet summer child, I don’t think you’re ready. Listening to this album will change your entire outlook on life. You think you can handle that?” She laughed off the insanity of your question, and you won’t lie, you were playing it up for her benefit, but come on, you only listen to Bowie for the first time once in your life.

After setting down the small stack of records, you threw down the blanket that lay over the back of your couch onto the ground along with two of the pillows. Ellie looked at you like you were clinically insane now, “what are you doing?”

“I’m giving you the full experience Ellie.” She still didn’t look convinced. “Once I turned sixteen and started making my own money, I would come home with a new record whenever I could. And in my opinion, this was the best way to listen to them, just…trust me, okay.”

She huffed while going to lie down, resting her head on the cushion, she raised her hands like she was waiting for the supposed ‘miracle’ that was about to happen. You slid the vinyl out of its sleeve and carefully placed it on the turntable before moving the needle. Once the first song started, you quickly ran over and lay down opposite her so that only your heads were next to one another on separate pillows. She shook her head again before the lyrics began, and then she was quiet, oh so quiet.

You didn’t dare say anything, not until the end, why am I nervous about her liking it, god, I really hope she does. 

“Okay, yeah…yeah, I get it now…” her voice was so soft next to you. You turned your head towards her and saw that she was a bit misty-eyed. 

“Told ya,” you responded just as softly.

Hours passed between you two, song after song, question after question, only getting up for the occasional drink and snack. It was…perfect. One of those days that makes you wonder if you had ever really been as lonely as you thought. 

You were just about to put on Ellie’s next pick when there was a knock on the door. The thought that it might be Joel here to pick her up crossed your mind, but it was still light outside.

“Hang tight, let me see who that is.”

When you opened the door, you saw Mars on your porch looking a bit sheepish. “Hey Mars, what’s up?”

You immediately knew that he wanted something based on his demeanor. “Hiya Star, I’m sorry to bug you. I know it’s your day off…”

“Hmmm, but you’re still doing it…whatcha need?” Mars wasn’t a bad guy, but he did tend to need your help more than anyone else in this town. It does mean you get extra honey each harvest, so the favors tend to even themselves out.

“My radio’s been acting up again, was hoping you could take a look at it.” Him and that damn radio, you keep telling him to try and trade for a new one when people outside come by but he never listens to you.

“And your bees couldn’t survive until tomorrow, huh?” You saw him flounder at your teasing and cut in before it took him too long to realize he was being messed with. “It shouldn’t be a problem, let me go check with the present company real quick.” Gently closing the door, you looked back inside to see that she had heard the entire conversation. She looked upset like you were seconds away from kicking her out. 

“Hey Ellie, you wanna take a field trip with me real quick?” That question immediately perked her back up.

“To where?” She asked the question even though she was already running over to put her shoes back on. 

You started to put your boots on after turning the record player off, briefly giving thought to changing out of your sleepwear, but decided there was no point this late in the day. “Down to Mars’s place, near the apiary…it’s where all the bee hives are, it’s how we get honey for the town. We won’t be there long, just gotta fix something for him real quick.”

“Yeah, sure that’s fine.” It was like she purposely tried to sound uninterested, but you could see the excitement on her face. “Wait, are the bees gonna bite me?” You just laughed and started to guide her out the door. 

It took you a bit longer than expected to fix the radio, and you were pretty sure that this would be the last repair the small device could take. Ellie didn’t seem to mind the long hours though, but that’s probably because she was bribed with cookies the second she got there. She had actually enjoyed talking to Mars once she got comfortable, asking him a billion questions about the bees in Jackson. Even daring to get closer to them once she realized they wouldn’t ‘bite’ her. 

Now the two of you were walking back into town after telling Mars you had to leave once the sun started going down. 

“So what did you think?”

Ellie was practically buzzing with excitement, probably from the dozen cookies she managed to sneak. “Pretty cool, not gonna lie, I didn’t even know that bees are responsible for like all of this.”

“Didn’t bother to teach you that in FEDRA school, huh?” You had never been in one of the established QZs and were surprised at the conditions she described. Most of the people who came from a QZ in Jackson didn’t like to talk about their time there, so your knowledge was limited.

“They didn’t teach us shit.” She said matter-of-factly, and you were pretty sure you said the same thing about school at one point in your life. 

“Well, come on, let’s get you back home before Joel tears down the town looking for you.”

The two of you had almost reached your house and stopped when you saw an approaching figure coming up the pathway. Ellie clocked who it was before you did and called out, “what are you doing here Joel?”

He slowed his stride and waited by the porch for us to meet him. “Came by to pick you up, where you two coming from?” 

“I had a friend come by for a favor, so I brought Ellie with me, showed her around the apiary.” Joel Miller didn’t look too happy about that, well, he hasn’t looked too happy anytime you’ve met him, but that’s beside the point. You worried that you might have made a big mistake by taking her somewhere that he didn’t know about. 

At least you’ve got Ellie to alleviate the tension. “Did you know bees make everything grow using their butts?” 

You saw Ellie smirk at Joel like she was purposefully trying to make him crack. “You don’t say.” He was trying to hold back a laugh, and you thought, maybe he still doesn't think he can yet.

Maybe there was a chance you could apologize for kinda ‘kidnapping’ his daughter. Even though you couldn’t understand why the trip might have upset him, he did give permission for her to come over after all. Regardless, you’d rather stay on Joel Miller’s good side, “hey, I know Ellie hasn’t, but have you had dinner yet Joel?”

He opened his mouth to respond before Ellie chimed in, “he hasn’t, he’d forget to breathe if I didn’t remind him.” She looked so mischievous, like she was saying, ‘yes, look how well I know him, look how I embarrass him.’

Joel didn’t even bother to answer your question after that, “well, in that case, I’ve got some soup I was gonna heat up if you guys are hungry, save you a trip to the mess hall.”

“That’d be great, right Joel?” She directed the question at him, but he knew that he really had no say in this situation, so he gave her a tilt of his head in agreement. 

The three of you made your way up the steps to your house after you opened the door to let them in. You went straight for the kitchen, kicking your boots off along the way. “Y’all make yourself at home, I’m gonna put the soup on real quick.” Ellie ran off to the living room, picking up the blanket and pillows off the floor before falling onto the couch.

After you grabbed the pot of soup out of the fridge and set it on the stove, you turned back around and saw Joel still hovering by the now closed door. Why does he look nervous? I should be the nervous one. You couldn’t help but wonder if this was the first time he had been invited over to someone’s home since coming here, but that couldn’t be right, not since he had Tommy and Maria. “Do you uh…shoes off or on?” He managed to get out at some point.

Now he was just staring down at yours and Ellie’s shoes like they would answer for him. Looking at his mud-caked boots, you immediately wanted to say off but thought better of it. “You can leave ‘em on if it’s more comfortable. I’ve gotta clean up tomorrow anyway, so don’t worry about it.” 

While he started walking towards the living room, you heard distant shuffling in the spare room and saw that your other guest was no longer sitting on the couch. When did she even get up? “Ellie, are you rifling through my comics back there?”

“...no!” 

“She hasn’t been giving you too much trouble, has she?” God, he really is a dad.

You turned to look at him while one arm continuously stirred the pot simmering on the stove. “No, not at all, she’s been great, we were just hanging out here before Mars came by, but yeah, no, she’s no trouble, she’s a really great kid Joel.” 

He pointed down to the crate of vinyls, similar to Ellie this morning. “You’ve got an impressive collection here.”

Grabbing the remaining loaf of bread from the fridge, you sliced it and threw the pieces along with a small pad of butter in the pan that you had used to cook breakfast.  “Thanks, you know it’s funny, before all of this I barely even had a fourth of what I do now.”

“Yeah, I imagine they’re less expensive now.” Not entirely true, the trips it took to get them cost you a fair share of exhaustion and sleepless nights. Still, it ended up being worth it in the end. 

You tacked on, “less expensive, but absolutely priceless.” He was still staring at the crate despite the rapport between you two. Wondering when the last time he had the chance to listen to a record was, you decided that he deserved the opportunity since Ellie had listened to nearly ten today.  You thought about what you knew of him, older than Tommy, grew up in Texas, and plays a little guitar. Surely there’s something in your collection for him. 

Leaving the bread alone for a minute, you walked over to where he was standing and dragged the records in front of you. You tried not to think about how, for some stupid reason, being next to him like this felt…nice. “Okay, hold on lemme see,” you spoke to yourself while sifting through the many albums. “Here it is,” holding out your find for him to grab the music, you stood back up, “you look like a George Strait fan…would I be correct, Joel Miller?”

He looked at the record in his hands, flipping it over to the faded print on the back before handing it back to you. “Won’t hear me complainin’.” 

I’ll take that as a victory, you thought while swapping out the selection on the record player, turning the volume knob down just a touch.“I’ll keep the volume a bit low so Ellie doesn’t complain about our ‘old people music’.” It was almost like you could see a fraction of a smile on his face, but you must have been imagining things because when you blinked, it was gone. 

You left him and the record in peace while you went back into the kitchen, hurriedly moving the bread that was a minute away from being burned off the unit. “Would’ve never pictured you as a George Strait fan.” He must not have seen your panic from where he was posted, which worked in your favor. Better for him to not witness your lackluster culinary prowess on the first meal after all, not that it mattered what he thought of you, you reminded yourself. It was more for Ellie’s sake, couldn’t serve the girl burnt bread after all.  

“Honestly, I’ve never met a genre I couldn’t find something to like in.” It’s true, music is music, why limit yourself to one specific part of it? Do you think I’d be as successful with this store if I didn’t give something new a try? Sol's words echoed in your mind. But his voice wasn’t what you wanted to hear right now. “Do you want something to drink?”

He just grunted, stuck staring at the spinning tracks like they would stop at any moment if he looked away.

“Well, watcha in the mood for? I’ve got water, tea, lemonade, coffee-”

“You’ve got coffee?” Oh that certainly got his attention. It was like someone had activated a secret code inside him somewhere. Your feet brought you over to the cabinet that held the airtight jar of pre-ground coffee you had made yesterday for a few trades. 

It was almost methodical now, the way you prepared the moka pot, like you had been doing it for years. You had never even touched one of these before the world fell apart, relying on the leftovers in the coffee pot that was always left plugged in back home. “Yeah, but don’t go sharing that with the rest of the town, I don’t need them knowing how much I’ve been hoarding.”

He seemed to be drawn in by the sound of the grounds being spooned into the filter. You didn’t think he would voluntarily get this close to anyone but Ellie, seems like it must be the caffeine's siren call. “Where the hell did you get coffee?”

“Eugene and I found an abandoned Denny’s one day, made off with about ten bags of beans.” You remember the way you and Eugene had torn into one of the bags to make sure you weren’t dreaming. The smell wasn’t as potent as you thought it was going to be, but it still brought tears to your eyes that day. 

His eyes expressed his surprise and respect. If he had a find like that back in Boston, it probably would have set him up rather nicely. “How much you want for one?” He wasn’t entirely sure why he even bothered asking, it wasn’t like he had anything of value to trade at the moment. 

You laughed at the haggling persona he donned, like he was at a normal garage sale. “What, you still carrying cash on you?” You teased, he just shook his head knowing damn well you knew what he meant.” I’m technically down to my fifth bag since Eugene took two, so I can’t give you a full one, but I’m more than willing to make a trade for some.”

His arms crossed in front of him as he leaned against the counter, “name your price.” He was determined to not leave here without it, and it was the first time you noticed just how broad this man was. Especially when his flannel stretched over his arms and chest. No, no, no, absolutely not. 

You went back to stirring the soup as an excuse to drag your eyes away from him. “No talking shop at dinner Mr Miller, but we’ll discuss the terms later.” He seemed unwilling to put a pause on his negotiating, but just offered another grunt. “Ellie, you want something to drink?” You called out over your shoulder. 

There was no response, but you heard her start to walk back into the kitchen, pausing at the entryway and taking a deep breath in through her nose. “Holy shit that smells so good,” there was no point in fighting the smile that crept onto your lips at her words. It did smell good, but then again, neither of you had really eaten since breakfast, and the cookies from Mars definitely didn’t count.

You went to the fridge to pour her something and noticed the odd look she gave Joel in passing. It was like there was a silent conversation happening between the two of them, but for the life of you, you couldn’t understand it. “It’s nothing fancy, but it gets the job done. Here you go.” You said while handing her a glass of lemonade after closing the refrigerator door. 

She stared at the liquid in the glass like it was going to bite back at her, “this isn’t more of your ‘juice’, is it?” Why the fuck would she say that in front of Joel it’s supposed to be our secret.

You shook your head at her while walking over to the cabinets to get three bowls down. They were all mismatched, but luckily didn’t contain any cracks, so they worked well enough. “No you little shit, it’s just lemonade.”

“Then why does it look like that?” She asked while holding the glass up to the light as if it would expose whatever she was looking for. 

“Cause it’s got blackberries in it.” Blackberries, honey, and a twenty-year-old lemonade packet, but it still tasted just as good. She shrugged her shoulders as if to say ‘oh, okay,’ before draining half the glass in one go. Her hand stretched out to offer some to Joel ‘dude, you gotta try this,’ but he just shook his head at her, probably thinking of nothing but the coffee that was almost finished. Seeing that he had no interest in her drink, she walked over to the stove to peer down into the pot that had now started to bubble. 

“So what’s in the soup?”

“We got beef, potatoes, cabbage, tomatoes, some green beans, and carrots.” You responded to her while taking the glass from her hand and refilling it so she would have a full glass for dinner. When you went to hand it back to her, you saw that she was seconds away from sticking a finger into the steaming mixture. 

You were about to say something before Joel stepped in and gently swatted her hand away from the food. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, it’s hot Ellie.”

She shrugged like it wasn’t that big of a deal, “it would have been fine.”

“You would’ve burned your finger, you crazy child.” You said while finally handing her the glass back, hoping it would deter her from sticking her hands into any more dangerously hot substances. Stirring the soup one more time, you decided it was good to go, “should be heated up enough, y’all go ahead and take a seat.” Your dining table was small, shoved against the wall in the kitchen. It realistically should only seat two people, but it can squeeze in another person just fine.

Joel and Ellie went to take a seat at the table beside one another, you saw the way Joel paused when the chair creaked under his large frame. The chairs were old and needed some maintenance, but most of the time, you’re eating by yourself on the couch, so they didn’t exactly take priority. The only thing you could hope for is that the chair wouldn’t choose tonight to break beneath him. You ladled the soup into each of the bowls, trying to get more meat and vegetables than broth in their dishes before placing a piece of bread on the side.

Silently, you hoped that they would dig in once you set the bowls down in front of them so they wouldn’t notice how eager you were to see their reactions. Cooking had been something that your mom taught you, and later became a decent way for you to contribute on the days that she was too tired to make something. You kept waiting for the sound of their spoons being lifted while you poured Joel and yourself a cup of coffee, but it never came. However, you did hear Ellie regale Joel with more of the bee facts she had learned since he was being held hostage at your table. He seemed to get a kick out of the fact that bees apparently danced to communicate with one another. 

“Here, figured you take it black, so if you tell me you’d like some sugar, I’m gonna be surprised.” You said while handing him a cup of the steaming liquid before taking a seat at the other end of the short table. The way he held the cup made it seem like it was more precious than gold, which you suppose in this age it might as well be. 

He brought the coffee to his lips, inhaling the scent, a satisfied groan trapped in the back of his throat at the first burning sip. “Nah, this is fine.” 

You set your own cup aside to let it cool off, not willing to scorch your tongue as he had been. Ellie started to eat the moment you sat down, well, ‘eat’ was putting it lightly, it was more like watching a vacuum at work. Picking up a spoonful, you were brought back to the weeks when this would be the cheapest thing you could afford to make, and somehow it always tasted better the next day. After the first bite, you realized you were forgetting one more thing and went to the fridge to grab it. You walked back to the table with a small glass bottle in your hand, failing to notice the surprised look Joel was giving you as you poured a few drops of the reddish-orange liquid into your soup. “Now how the hell did you get a bottle of Texas Pete?”

You looked between him and the faded label on the bottle. “Oh no, this isn’t the actual stuff, more like a bastardized version. Smithy has been growing a few pepper plants, so he’s been experimenting. You want some?” The bottle was held out by your hand in the middle of the table, waiting for him to reach out and take it. 

He silently took the bottle from you, and you tried again not to think about just how nice his hands admittedly are. There was a moment where he placed a small drop on his spoon before bringing it up to his lips, and now you were senselessly staring at his mouth. You had never really cared for facial hair in your youth, it was irritating and scratchy when it rubbed against you. Then again, none of those guys had a beard quite as nice as his. Brushing away the stupid distraction like an errant cobweb in your mind, you thought, this man is nothing but trouble for me. Little did you know, at some point in the night, he had thought something similar about you. 

Joel added about the same amount to his bowl as you did before putting it back in the middle of the table. “Can I try it?” Ellie asked, reaching for it as soon as he put it down, but he stopped her with a gentle hand.

His tone was deadly serious with his next question, “you want your stomach hatin’ you later?”

She seemed to genuinely contemplate it, “uhm…yes?”

You and Joel looked at one another with raised brows, both of you knowing that it was going to be too spicy for her, especially if she had never had hot sauce before in her life. Joel unscrewed the cap on the bottle before putting a small drop on her waiting spoon, “here just a little bit to try okay, shit’s hotter than you think it is.”

She just eagerly nodded her head before shoving the spoon in her mouth, looking between you two as if to say, ‘see it’s not so bad.’ Honestly, you thought she might have been fine until the spice hit the back of her throat and she started coughing. This act was the one that finally cracked Joel, even if he only let out a short laugh, over before it even started, but it was still a laugh. 

You scooted Ellie’s glass of lemonade towards her, gently patting her on the back while she got through her fit. Of course, she tried to play it off, saying ‘yeah, it wasn’t that hot,’ even after she had finished the rest of her drink. 

With the time you had spent on your own, you thought the silence at the table wouldn’t bother you as much as it did. When the bowls were clean and the coffee was gone, something inside of you just felt off. Maybe it was all of the dinners at Eugene’s, the easy conversations, there was no need to fill a silent void. But here, for some reason, you were dying to.

“Y’all got room for dessert?” Ellie’s head rolled forward from where it was leaning over the back of the chair. A far cry from the girl who looked ready to pass out after two full bowls of soup.

“There’s dessert?” You thought about teasing her, asking her, ‘what, you didn’t get enough sweets today?’ but even you knew that there was always room for something sweet.

Standing from your chair, you went to pull out the tupperware container from the fridge. “Don’t get too excited, it’s just cookies,” you said while popping off the lid. The peanut butter cookies were, to put it bluntly, hideous to look at, but they didn’t require an oven or hard work, just a few spare electrical parts for ingredients.

Her hand reached out and plucked two off the top, not caring about what they looked like. “Holy shit these are even better than the ones Mars had…don’t tell him I said that.” 

You made the motion of zipping your lips, “secrets safe with me.” Joel had made no move to take one of the cookies, so you held out the container a bit closer to him. Once again, there was a hesitancy about him, and you just couldn’t understand why it stemmed from something as simple as cookies. Finally, he reached for one, and you were unable to hear the low ‘thanks’ he gave you over the sound of him picking up the treat. 

The cookies were set on the table in case either one of them wanted another. “Here, y’all take as many as you want.” You turned away from the table to walk towards the spare room, “I’ll be right back, there’s some stuff I wanna send home with you Ellie.”

“Really?” She was bouncing in her seat as she scarfed down another cookie.

“Yeah, now you stay there, alright, no peeking.” Her head nodded while her hand reached for one more sweet. You did not envy Joel for the sugar crash that he was going to have to deal with. Once you walked into the room, you shut the door behind you, just in case they decided to talk while you were gone, or if Ellie decided to be sneaky. 

Grabbing one of the bags that hung off the closet door knob you went over to the comic tote and set aside the one she had picked up earlier. You tried to make sure she had a variety of superheroes to choose from and included a few of the cooler-looking action figures from the collection on your shelves. Once she and Joel were able to get their own way to listen, you would start sending her home with a few albums, but for now, you’ve got a few books that she’d probably enjoy. 

You had a decent selection of adult and children's books, you liked to keep them around for trades in the library, or just in case any of the moms in town needed something for their kids. You had a pretty decent idea of what she would like music-wise wise but you were kind of lost when it came to literature. Eventually, you decided on a few Magic Tree House books and a couple mysteries, she’d probably like trying to solve them before the end. 

With the last few items in your hand, you carefully placed them in the bag before zipping it up and heading back out to the kitchen. Ellie eyed the large bag you had slung over your shoulders before handing it to her. 

She immediately placed it on the table and yanked the zipper down, apparently, she was unable to wait until she got home. “Woah, I can keep these?” She asked while holding up the comic she had begun to read earlier and a Raphael action figure.

You pointed to the novels on the side, “well, I do want the books back when you’re finished since I lend those out a lot, but yeah, everything else is yours.”

“Even the comics?” It was like she couldn’t believe that any of this was actually hers to take, and quite frankly, it broke your heart a little bit. 

“Yeah, I’ve read those plenty of times, so go nuts. I’m planning on picking up a few more next time I go out anyway.” Something passed over Joel’s face at the mention of you leaving the gates at some point, but just like his brief smiles, it was gone before you could understand it. Your gaze found the E.T. poster in your living room, the one she had stared at longer than any others. “Gimme just one more sec, okay,” you said while walking over to the poster, carefully pulling out each thumbtack until the last one remained. Once it was off the wall, you rolled it up before walking back over to her, holding out your hand for her to take it.

“Dude, are you serious?” There was so much caution in the way she held the poster, afraid of ripping it more than it already was. 

You crossed your arms, hoping to convey that it wasn’t a big deal, even though happiness and warmth were abundant inside your chest. The fact that something so small could light her up enough to fill the room, well, it sure was something. “I saw how much you liked it this morning, and I figured you’d hate to look at blank walls every day, so yeah. Think of it like the first of many.” 

It looked like she didn’t know what to say at first, and that was fine, as long as she was happy. “This is awesome Star, thanks.” Suddenly, her arms were wrapped around your middle, and you felt like you had briefly turned to stone. Fuck, when was the last time someone had hugged you like this. It was enough to make you blink back the emotions welling behind your eyes. Thankfully, you did in fact remember how to hug her back. It wasn’t a long hug, solid and shaky, but it was nice. 

“You’re welcome hun. I figured you’d want some stuff for your new room, help make it a bit homier.” She dropped her arms, which made you feel safe enough to retract yours. The poster was placed carefully inside the bag along with everything else she was bringing home. 

Once she zipped up the bag and threw it over her shoulder, Joel finally spoke up. “Go ahead and head on back Ellie.” She figured that was the plan since she was already pulling on her shoes, but she noticed that Joel wasn’t following her, which confused you as well. 

She asked, “why aren’t you coming,” even though her hand was already on the door knob. Her eagerness to see what else was in the bag pushed her to get home.

“Star was kind enough to feed us, so I’m gonna help her clean up.” That kind of makes sense, but why isn’t he having Ellie help?

“Okayyy…” she dragged out the word, looking between you two as if there was some big secret being hidden. Was there? You honestly couldn’t tell. Why the hell is Joel offering to stay? “Can I come by again tomorrow?” 

Joel tried to sway her away from the idea, “I’m sure she’s got stuff to do Ellie.” You did, but you honestly didn’t mind another visit from her. 

“It’s alright really, I’m not gonna be at the house tomorrow cause I’ve got work with Mars and then I’m supposed to help out at the stables, but you’re welcome to tag along if you’d like.” Ellie would probably love being able to visit the animals, so it wasn’t a bad idea for her to join. 

She gave her response before you were able to get out the rest of your sentence, “that’s fine with me.” Then she left as if the person who had come to pick her up wasn’t still here.

Why the hell am I alone in my house with Joel Miller, you asked yourself. 

Deciding not to dwell on the fact that this man, who was practically a stranger to you, chose to stay behind and help, you started clearing away the dishes on the table. However, unsurprisingly, he was just standing there. “So…are you actually here to help me, or are you just gonna shake me down and steal all my beans?”

“Hand me the damn bowl.” The way he said it wasn’t harsh by any means, but it did make you smile, and hand over the stack of bowls in your hand. 

Once he placed the dishes in the sink, you stopped him before he could reach for the soap. “You don’t have to worry about the dishes, honestly, if you just wanna rinse them off I was planning on doing them tomorrow anyway.” He did as you asked, silently, and you were thankful that there were still a few tracks left on the album in the living room. 

His voice cut through the music after the last dish had been set aside. “I uhm, I wanted to say thanks…for spending the day with Ellie, for being kind to her, for everything else too.” The way he ground out the words was sort of endearing, as if he wasn’t sure if he had found the right thing to say.

“Why did it look like you were fighting with that gratitude?” He looked ready to take back every word he had just said, but you cut him off before he could. “Hey, it’s really no problem, like I said, she’s a great kid, it’s been nice spending time with her. I don’t know, she reminds me a lot of myself when I was her age…it’s nice being able to make her smile, feels like I’m doing something right.” 

He nodded his head while drying off his hands with the dish towel hanging on the stove. It was as if he understood exactly what you meant, he was probably the only other person who would understand. “Now about the coffee…”

You pointed an accusatory finger at him, “I knew that was the real reason you stayed behind.”

“What do you want for it?” Oh, all business now is he?

Leaning against the counter, head cocked in contemplation, you said, “let me think on that for a minute…” You wondered what he would do if you said ‘no chance, find your coffee elsewhere’, it would be in jest of course. Especially since you already decided that he would get some regardless of whether he could make a decent trade or not. You doubted that in the short time the two of them had been here that they had made any connections for goods. Then the thought struck you like a bolt of lightning, “wait, I got it. Ellie’s birthday is in a couple of months, right?”

He actually looked horrified at the question, “it is?” Oh, he didn’t know…

You tried to think of what to say so he wouldn’t feel like the worst father of the year. Maybe he just didn't ask, or maybe Ellie never bothered to tell him when they were out there together. “Don’t feel bad Joel, she only told me cause we were talking about a concert I went to for mine one year.” He still didn’t seem convinced that he wasn’t a piece of shit for not knowing. “But that’s beside the point, hold on, stay here for a sec, I’ll be right back.” God, how many times have you said that tonight? 

Knowing exactly what you were looking for, you went into your room and grabbed one of the guitar cases that were underneath your bed before heading back out. Once you reached Joel you stood beside him to set the case on top of the counter, flipped the latches, and lifted the lid to reveal the instrument inside. The guitar was weathered but still in decent condition, it needed new strings and a lot of love, but it looked better than the ones that had been left on the walls beside it to rot. 

Joel let out a low whistle beside you as he inspected it, his hands coming up to run along the length of the neck, god, his hands. 

“Beautiful, isn’t she?”

He nodded, letting out a soft “yeah…” maybe one day he’ll feel fine enough to pick up one for himself again. 

“Well, it’s been sitting under my bed for over a year now, and I don’t know what to do with it. So how about this? You take it, fix it up for Ellie and give it to her for her birthday and we’ll call it even.” It was definitely one of your better ideas, and you hoped that he agreed. 

His hand left the guitar, “as a gift from you?”

You turned away from him to grab the tin of coffee grounds out of the cabinet, “no, not from me, from you, you’d be the one fixing it after all.”

Joel really couldn’t understand you, your kindness, just everything about you, he couldn’t understand it, and it frustrated him. “Why? Doesn’t seem like you’re getting much out of it.”

Since arriving in Jackson, you’ve done many things with little gain. It used to bother the selfish side of you, but now, sometimes it was enough for the reward to be the little glimpses of warmth, like the ones you’ve felt throughout the day. “Ellie wants to learn, and I trust the kid, but I’d still rather not have to use mine to help her if I don’t have to.” You were still selfish when it came to certain things.

“That’s understandable.”

You poured the rest of the coffee from the moka into your thermos and set it beside the guitar case along with the tin. “So what do you say, do we have a deal?” This part usually involves a handshake, but you wouldn’t dare risk that since his hands have some mystical power over you for some reason. 

“Deal,” he said while closing the guitar case and picking it up, he nodded at the tin and thermos, “you sure?”

You nodded, pushing the items even closer to him.“Yeah, I try not to drink too much before bed, so it’ll just go to waste if you don’t take it. Just bring my thermos back before next week and we won’t have any problems.” The last sentence was said with all the mock authority of a warden, which Joel found sort of amusing. 

He grabbed the spoils of his one-sided trade in one hand and the guitar in the other. “Understood ma’am.” The term ma’am caught you off guard while you were in the process of opening the front door for him. You had always hated being called that. Growing up in the south, it was normal to hear it, hell, it was all you had been called when you first started working. Maybe it was all the Texan charm he was hiding away, but you didn’t entirely hate the way it sounded coming from him. 

“And don’t call me ma’am.” You said once he stepped outside, there wasn’t any animosity in your words, more teasing than anything else. 

The asshole waited until he was on the last step to turn around and say, “yes ma’am.”

You were afraid of what might come out of your mouth if you responded, possibly even more afraid that nothing would come out, so you just shook your head at him and closed the door. The house was quiet, the record was still spinning, and there it was again, loneliness, creeping back into your home after it had been gone all day. 

Everything felt too quiet now.

A/N: That's a wrap on chapter two! Hope you all liked it! Just a reminder that this story is also over on AO3 if you'd rather read it through there. LINK. See y'all next time, happy reading! - Lee <3 Chapter Playlist: The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars (Full Album)- David Bowie Bad Reputation (Full Album) - Joan Jett & the Blackhearts The Seeds of Love (Full Album) - Tears For Fears Violator (Full Album) - Depeche Mode Bat Out Of Hell (Full Album) - Meat Loaf Does Fort Worth Ever Cross Your Mind (Full Album) - George Strait

[let-us-cultivate-our-garden]

I used to be part of the TOH fandom but left after the finale - I felt it was very lacking and was a huge letdown for all the reasons you said. Patting itself on the back and lore erasure. But I'd like to ask about something different.

It's no secret Dana hates Disney. But saying it everywhere, the jabs at Disney in the actual show, the attitude of fans parroting her, especially when the news of the shortening was first out - it was legitimately intense. Disney the company has done bad things. But there was a period where I felt like a bad person for even remotely enjoying Disney movies and Disney-published books. I hated myself and felt I was 'betraying' the show, because I had been told Disney was the enemy and nothing more. Disney shortening the show was not a good decision. But it also provided fans with a convenient scapegoat to put every bit of blame on when the show had the tiniest flaw. Comics of beating up Mickey Mouse, 'Disney' being treated like a swear word, praising TOH as the holy grail of animation and saying Disney hated gay people - it made me feel I was a traitor to the show and to myself. (I'm still figuring out my sexuality, but I know I'm not straight.)

Do you think the Disney blame game was too much?

The toh fandom has this incredibly binary way of thinking; the show is the greatest thing in animation and if you don't agree then you're a bigot. Lumity is the best sapphic ship ever and if you don't think so then you're lesbophobic. Shipping non canon ships is tantamount to a war crime. And of course, any criticism of the show has the convenient Disney defense. Any and all flaws of the show is because Disney is evil for not letting the show reach its full potential.

Listen, getting your show cancelled or shortened sucks. But, unfortunately, it's not unique and writers need to prepare for that because it seems to be an occupational hazard in the entertainment industry. A lot of shows get cancelled without even having a conclusion (thank you Netflix for ending the Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance on a cliffhanger! even after the show won a got dang Emmy! 😤) so people should be thankful that at least the toh crew were allowed to finish the story.

I can give grace when analyzing a show's elements knowing what the writers had to deal with. But if they make decisions knowing ahead of time that they only have half a season and 3 specials left, and proceed to add more characters and plot lines that would require a longer season, then those are all fair game.

Dana knew of the Shortening around the production of Eda's Requiem, yet decided to add the Collector, because screw it! We like this little guy and want to see where it goes! They had Hunter get possessed and kill his best friend, yet barely any time is given to him to process that trauma. In the penultimate episode, Boscha, of all people, gets a mini sub plot despite not being relevant for a full season. Luz's angst arc gets 4. separate. resolutions.

None of this is Disney's fault. This all on the crew for not using their precious time wisely and tossing whatever they can to the wall to see what sticks.

So yeah, the Disney blame game is too much but it's also a blessing in disguise because now it's a convenient shield for whoever doesn't want to hear criticism about the show.

As for feeling guilty about liking Disney; listen, Disney has been foundational for literally millions of people for decades. Its presence and influence is seemingly inescapable. And the company has done some awful things in the name of corporate greed and profit.

But you should never feel guilty for liking something that brings you joy.

Remember that writers and artists are responsible for the shows you love. Many queer folks have seen themselves in Disney movies for a variety of reasons and there are many queer artists that have worked for Disney (hi Howard Ashman and Andreas Deja!)

So no, you're not a traitor for liking Disney.

The toh fandom has a very reactionary, us-vs-them attitude and it's incredibly toxic. So don't let the haters get you down!

I wish you well on your journey and hope you're in a better place.

Thank you for the ask!

[fairytwles]

what foundation was it

this diva right here

[caramelmiacchiato]

hihi! heard you’re looking for makeup recs…? i do very light makeup so it won’t be a lot tho, and i’ll try to keep them drugstore and affordable!

1. elf lip oil OMG THIS THING IS MY HOLY GRAIL soo glossy but non sticky at the same time

2. fit me press powder is really good if you have oily skin

3. the elf halo glow is the best foundation if you don’t want sm too heavy

4. maybelline clear mascara is really good as well if you want lifted lashes but won’t smudge throughout the day

5. nyx jumbo stick is amazing as an all-over highlighter and i even use it as eyeshadow

6. benefit lip and cheek stains are kinda pricey but they last ALL day so i think it’s definitely worth it, just don’t buy the benetint tho

eeh! hope this helped, and i bet you’re already gorgeous as is <3

HIII!! THANK YOU THANK YOU <33

i searched it up on these n all of them r overpriced here 🫣 but ill keep these in mind bc i prolly can convince my dad to buy one or another! do u have recs on colors? ik our skintones r prolly diff, but maybe it could help idk haha

yesssss it helped!!! not more gorgeous than u <3

[vyl3tpwny]

You inspired me to get back into Bangarang era Skrillex without shame in my heart and to embrace the (harmless) cringe in my soul. As well as seek out other lesser known artists who keep up that sound. So, thanks!

real talk i have been making music for almost two decades now. when i first heard skrillex's music i instantly knew it was amazing. but i couldn't really express why. as i've gotten older, spent lots and lots of time making music and learning about music and researching, a lot of things i used to adore don't impress me like when i first heard them. but even all this time later, skrillex's music — past and present — is incredible and untouchable. i think a lot of casual listeners do not realize just how flawless, complex, and perfectly executed his sound design and ideas are across the board. the best thing you can do when listening to skrillex's music is just pick out ONE single sound and ask yourself "how did he create this sound? how do you go about creating this sound from scratch". the casual listener rarely considers a question like this, but when you ask this about nearly anything skrillex makes, even if you can fathom an answer it's still the most mindblowing thing in the world.

but sound design is not everything either. i got sucked into the soundcloud community around 2016 or so. to any of my soundcloud classmates, peers, and alumni, hey how are you doing <3 but the soundcloud scene of 2016-2019 was a VERY specific beast. a lot of the music that emerged during the scene's height was this idea that sound design is always more important than anything else. so you would have tons and tons and tons of songs that came out that had crazy sound design ... but not much else. this goes back to skrillex's music. skrillex's sound design isn't just complex, but it's also executed with amazing songwriting. it isn't just a tech fest, he's making amazing songs, perfectly accessible, with incredible sound design as the foundation rather than the only thing the music has to offer. for a while i think i had been so swept up by the soundcloud scene that i rlly ignored songwriting in favour of sound design, like i had to choose.

that is to say, skrillex's music has been and will always be a pinnacle of what "festival EDM" should be evaluated as in standard. i've already done my share of criticizing skrillex for how he butchered "dubstep", and i'm not going to ever pretend that such criticism does not exist. but regardless, EDM is an extremely saturated genre which has caused lots of people to hate or misunderstand it. i think if people focused more on making strong songs and not tunnelvisioning on one aspect of the music, EDM would be more compelling to more people, beyond just 'sounding good' or 'being a banger'.

scary monsters and nice sprites, the song, is a really good song. it has a pretty standard arrangement and flow, but moment to moment it's always interesting and full. the production is so ridiculously clean and dynamic but does not skimp out on making shit sound beefy and deep as well. but what a lot of people don't realize is that the sound design on that song is so incredible, that in a lot of music spaces, it's considered a holy grail to whoever fully reverse engineers the growls in scary monsters. for over 10 years now, there have been dedicated skype groups, discord servers, youtube streams, and forum threads on people literally dedicating portions of their music making lives to trying to understand JUST the scary monsters growls alone. what makes it so elusive is that it's likely done with the FM8 synth and trying to reverse engineer more than 2-3 operators on an FM synth is literally a death sentence. skrillex himself probably couldn't remake it from scratch, only create something similar doing the moves he would do in FM8. but the scary monsters growls are literally a holy grail and people are STILL working in small community pockets to figure out how it was done, 14 years after the album came out.

[filtheopathic]

dusa now that I have seen your credentials (makeup slayed in those pics) I feel I should ask if you have any sephora sale recommendations? I want to get more into makeup but it’s kind of overwhelming

i’m so flattered that my credentials have made the cut for this question bc i actually love to talk about makeup 🙂‍↕️

truthfully for as long as i’ve been wearing makeup (and i became an adult during the 2010s era full glam bake your concealer and do a whole cut crease just to go to the frat party…) i’ve only just recently gotten more into high-end makeup. my holy grails have always been drugstore!! so i don’t actually have that many recs BUT i do think all of these products are worth the money:

(disclaimers: my skin type leans dry and is not sensitive. i’m fair olive with neutral undertones so shade matches are notoriously difficult for me. i’m about to turn 30 so the way things settle into lines etc matters a lot to me. and i prioritize longevity and how well something looks after 8+ hours of wear)

haus labs foundation. i know you’ve probably seen this being said a million times but they’re all telling the truth. it became my holy grail like 2 years ago and has not been dethroned. it wears beautifully, it’s buildable, the shade match on me is PERFECT both in my winter and summer shades. i can wear it on lighter makeup days or build it to a full beat and it looks great either way. it’s the foundation i was wearing in those pics and it still looked flawless after 8 hours of partying. i’m telling you though i was so scared to invest in it bc i’ve always been a drugstore foundation girl (maybelline fit me 4ever) but the haus labs is worth your mf coin.

i also use the haus labs concealer and i do really like it so i’ll include it in this list, but i’m sure there are others that are more worth the money that i just haven’t tried yet. i’m currently on like a concealer hunt specifically bc my under eyes have become an area of concern so i’ve been trying a lot of high end concealers and so far this one has stuck with me, but i have a feeling i’m gonna find one i like more.

saie slip tint. now look, i have long standing beef with skin tints. i hate. HATE. when everyone is talking about how good a skin tint is and i buy it and it’s heavy like a fucking foundation. if i want medium+ coverage i will just wear foundation!!! if i wear a skin tint it’s bc i want it to be lightweight and just make my skin look nicer. but also!!! i don’t want it to be so lightweight or dewy that it disappears in 2 hours. anyways, the saie skin tint is the first one i’ve found that is perfect. lightweight and looks great, dewy but actually stays on my face, the shade match is good, it has spf and skin care benefits blah blah blah. it’s my daily wear for work. i already have it in my cart to restock during the sephora sale, i love it that much.

huda beauty powder. now look, remember when i said i’m from the 2010s makeup era? even so i neverrrrr tried the huda beauty powder until literally like a month ago. and i was dumb for that honestly. WELL. ok actually it’s just that i really didn’t need to think hard about my powders until now, since my skin is not as young as it once was 🙂‍↕️ anyways, it’s so worth the hype it’s not even funny. i always thought it would be too cakey or drying for my dry skin but i was soooo wrong. i use it on both light and heavy makeup days and it looks good regardless. huda is that girl, and she always has been i’m just late.

nars soft matte concealer. it’s THE spot concealer. if you’re covering blemishes and whatnot it’s just the best of the best. and one pot will last you like the next 5+ years dead ass, it’s worth the money.

and honestly that’s it!! there are other things from sephora that i love and i use often but if i’m being real, you could easily get away with the drugstore/affordable version of those products and be perfectly fine. so i won’t recommend spending your $$ on them, especially if you’re not a big makeup person to begin with.

i think where high end is really worth it is complexion products, like foundations and powders, especially if you’re ✨getting older✨ but for everything else you definitely don’t need sephora.

[thepinkseductress]

Do you want to smell like the yummiest and sweetest slice of Strawberry Angel Cake and fluffy whipped cream?

The best feeling in the world is when you walk past a group of people and you hear someone say, "She smells really, really good!" or just simply talking to someone and they say to you, "OMG GIRL! What are you wearing? It smells sooooo good."

Well, at least, I love it when people say that about me. My biggest goal is to not only be the prettiest person in the room but also the best-smelling person.

Personally, I love sweet scents with candy or cake-like notes. I'm a gourmand girly DOWN!! Its fu-serious!

Teeny-weeny little piece of info: I have parosmia, which means the smell factory in my brain is a little out of whack. UGH! I know. I can smell just fine, but I can be a bit sensitive to certain smells, in which they may smell a little off compared to anyone without parosmia. But I swear I am reliable.

Now before I tell you what scents I like to layer and what perfumes I like to drown myself in, it's vital to understand that smelling good starts in the shower.

To me, the foundation to smelling like a literal piece of heaven depends on your body scrubs, shower gels, body wash, etc.

My shower routine:

Always Always ALWAYS start with a bar soap. It leaves the skin feeling fresh and clean. We want a clean canvas (clean skin) to work with. More specifically, this soap has a sweet and soft scent to it. Almost Angelic. It has more of a vanilla smell than shea butter but is still an exceptional cleanser. BRAVO!

At least once a week, I'll use a body sugar scrub. Usually on Sundays, before a busy and treacherous week, I'll scrub off last week's problems with a course body scrub. I like my body scrubs to be course yet moisturizing, and lucky for me, I found one at TJ MAXX (my second home).

Currently, my favorite is the Body Prescriptions Sugar Almond Body Scrub (I can't find a pic anywhere. Sorry!). It has the smoothest consistency that will have your skin feeling the cleanest it has ever felt, while leaving behind a yummy shine that will have you glowing.

Lastly, I adorn my skin with this lovely lady. She Smells BOMB.COM!!! When I say it smells yummy, delectable, edible, sweet, and everything delicious, believe me, girl. I would never lie to you. EVER.

Take my word, Bestie.

MOVING ON!

After-shower care:

Usually after a shower, my lotion depends on my mood.

She's my best friend when I'm having a mild kind-of day. When I'm stuck in the house all day or if I want to enjoy the simpler things in life. She's smells light but sweet. yum.

For a more, INTENSE day, we use her. The holy grail. You get it.

Super sweet and a little childish in my opinion. But idk its heavenly.

BODY GLAZE My Love!!! I live by these two body glazes.

You can layer them on top of the lotion if you want. It's your life… Live it. Me, I rather prefer to only layer the Birthday Frosting BODY GLAZE.

In terms of Miss Strawberry Shortcake, I'll use her all by herself; no lotion is needed. She performs better alone. IMO.

Both project very well, suuuuperrr duuuperr moisturizing, lasts all day, and will have people stopping you on the street to ask you, "OMG GIRL! What are you wearing? It smells sooooo good." …see what I did there?!…no? oh…okay. 

Let's move on, I guess.

I don't care how good your skin smells. If you're not wearing deoderant and those pits are funky, Bitch, YOU'RE FUNKY. PUT SOME DAMN DEODORANT ON!

This does not apply to my besties who do not wear deodorant due to any beliefs or discrepancies.

Anyways, this deodorant smells like a yummy slice of coconut cream pie with a pina colada on the side.

Have you ever watched your mom, grandmother, or any older woman that you look up to powder themselves?

It's not just for sweat, honey. Some powders come perfumed to add a little "umph" to your hygiene routine.

This powder holds a very special place in my heart. It smells sweet and a little floral. A very true vanilla flavor. It almost reminds me of French vanilla ice cream or syrup.

I keep my powder in a powder dish with a cute little pink powder puff sitting on top of the powder.

After spraying on my deodorant, I'll puff this on my underarms, back, and in between my legs, and at night I'll apply some to my chest and belly. Usually this is added the areas that I sweat the most.

Now on the part that you've been waiting for! Or at least what I've been waiting for…

Perfumes:

BOW DOWN TO THE QUEEN!!

…No, really…bow down.

This is a very sweet, cake scent that can be a little finicky. I find it hard sometimes to layer her with other perfumes or products that are more fresh or floral rather than sweet and gourmand. But let's take into account that I have parosmia.

Nonetheless, Mama is very sweet—almost too sweet, but that's what I want. I want you to get a sugar rush just from smelling me. And this perfume does just that. Projects beautifully and last almost a day. Around six hours later, I have to raise my arm to my nose to smell it, but during those six hours I can smell myself through someone else's nose.

Okay, I'm exaggerating, but seriously, she smells strong, sweet, and yummy.

I spray my clothes with perfume. And by spray, I mean DROWN. My soaps, lotions, oils, etc. are really in charge of my skin.

I see shimmer mist as more of an oil than a spray. I know that may not make sense, but hear me out.

I like to spray this on the parts of my body that will be exposed, like my chest, arms, back, and legs. I may even spray a generous amount onto my hands, until there is a puddle of it in my hand, and I will rub it into my skin like an oil. See, like I told you, I treat this more like an oil than a perfume.

˚₊‧꒰ა 𓂋 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

This concludes my usual hygienic routing, buuuuut I'll tell you a secret. Only because we're like besties or whatever.

I like to lightly spray my underwear and socks with perfume. Usually something a bit stronger than a BB&W perfume mist. A cologne, basically.

This keeps my undergarments smelling yummy.

WARNING: Your partner will want to eat your panties right off of you. Proceed with caution.

Remember, bestie, this is MY hygiene routine. I am simply sharing just in case you needed a little help adding products to your arsenal or simply organizing your daily routine. If you do not like anything that I've listed or if you wish to add something, do as you wish, babes!

This is for inspirational purposes, LOL.

I understand this post may be similar to other girly bloggers, much like me. I can assure you I am not the first person to make a post as such, and I won't be the last. I just wanted to share.

My intention is to NEVER be a kopy kat (yuck)!

Okay, I'm done yapping. CIAO!

-ThePinkSeductress

⠀:¨ ·.· ¨:⠀ ⠀ `· . ୨୧⠀

[queer-ragnelle]

Hi! I was wondering if you had any advice on how to craft a well-written, compelling Arthurian OC that isn't obnoxious or out of place but is still unique. I recognize the difficulty in doing so with so many different source texts (I'm most familiar with Le Morte, so that's usually my go-to) and the vast list of already existing characters. I'm just curious about your thoughts on the matter, since you're an author and also very knowledgeable about Arthuriana 💖

Hello there!

This is a tough question to answer! I think it's important to note that everyone will have a different opinion on this, but that shouldn't alter you writing your story how you want to. Some think adding any characters at all is too big of a change, while others write a full cast of original characters and then Merlin shows up randomly and makes the story "Arthurian."

I'm going to say something controversial.

Every Arthurian character is an OC.

Even King Arthur himself is an OC.

I'm going to elaborate on this quite a bit, as it's very important to me. But the TL;DR is that reading more will definitely help you conceptualize the boundaries of what's possible. Le Morte d'Arthur is a great start, but there's so much out there, both medieval and modern, that'll undoubtedly aid in your Arthuriana writing journey! :^)

While I do say things like "I love Arthurian OCs" as a means to convey that I view everyone's new creations as valid and interesting, I actually don't believe in a strong differentiation between Chretien de Troyes' Sir Lancelot or Marie of France's Sir Lanval and what you or I are writing today. We're participating in a tradition which can, at times, necessitate the creation of a new character or repurposing of an existing one. I think as soon as you create a character for your Arthurian story, they're an Arthurian character. Some refer to Lancelot or Galahad as "French OCs" or call Knight of the Cart or the Vulgate "fanfiction" as a means to degrade it's validity. Some seem to have an arbitrary timeline on which the full body of Arthurian works is measured, and the more recently something was written, the less authentic it becomes. I think they're wrong. I believe that whether or not we enjoy an installment in the ever expanding Arthurian tradition is irrelevant; it's all equally entitled to a measure of respect, even the new characters. No character or story is lesser than another by virtue of its age or language of origin or target audience or medium. I disdain the excess of scrutiny put upon certain arbitrary groupings of Arthurian tradition. Each story is full of original characters and building on the foundations of what came before. That's the nature of creative influence. Whether or not Arthur was a real person at some point in history is moot. The guy in the Mabinogion or the Vulgate or Le Morte d'Arthur or BBC Merlin is a character. He's a tool to tell a story. Such as your creation will be! Your brand new Arthurian character stands equally with all the rest who preceded them. :^)

Now, it can be helpful to distinguish between a medieval character and a modern one, sure, as they may represent different things depending on what point in history (or part of the world) they were created in. But Arthuriana isn't a franchise one must obtain express permission to contribute to, and it doesn't have a "canon," so therefore differentiating a character as "other" can be counter productive when developing a story. I don't believe Sir Robin from Monty Python and The Holy Grail (1975) or Brian from The Adventures of Sir Lancelot (1956-1957) are any less valuable as characters, even if they do draw on traits of existing Arthurian motifs in order to commentate on them or otherwise expand. In fact I think they're great characters and serve their narrative roles beautifully. One simple and one complex. I recommend watching those to see how it's done well and that may help you develop your own characters. But I'll delve into it a bit here to illustrate what I mean.

Sir Robin carries the coat of arms of a chicken, he's a cowardly knight followed around by a troupe of musicians that sing songs about all of his exploits. That is, the things he's run away from. Rather than use an existing Arthurian character and degrading them, Monty Python developed Sir Robin in order to tell their joke.

The flipside is Brian, a bona fide kitchen boy, who attaches himself to Sir Lancelot and desires to squire for him. Brian's narrative purpose is to deconstruct the nobility in a way that Gareth Beaumains, whom Brian is plainly inspired by, could not. Brian begins as a true serf forced to endear himself to Sir Lancelot to elevate his station. Merlin forges papers of nobility to convince King Arthur that Brian is worthy of this privilege. Even after that, Brian must face the brutality of his fellows while living in the barracks with them, as they don't take kindly to a "smelly kitchen boy" in their midst, plotting to get Brian to incriminate himself as a thief and get evicted from Camelot by Sir Kay. This role is incongruous with Gareth as Sir Gawain's brother, who was always noble, always a prince, and merely cloaked himself in the guise of poverty to prove a point. Gareth could return to the comforts of wealth whenever it suited him and his reason for going stealth was to intentionally distance himself from that privilege. The character Brian exists in order to commentate on the injustice of the upper class's oppression and dehumanization of the lower class in a way Gareth, or even Tor, could not, as they are of noble blood, even if it came by way of reveal. That's why Brian is a great addition to the Arthurian tradition.

Really, it comes down to treating the creation of your new Arthurian character like you would developing one for any other work, one entirely separate from the tradition. If they're a good character, they're a good character! Try not to get hung up too much on whether or not they're going to mesh well with the rest of the cast. For centuries, writers have transformed historical figures into Arthurian characters. (See: King Mark of Kernow better known as the Cuckhold King from the Prose Tristan, Owain mab Urien better known as Sir Yvain from Knight of the Lion by Chretien de Troyes, Saint Derfel better known as Derfel Gadarn from The Warlord Chronicles by Bernard Cornwell, etc.)

Speaking of Prose Tristan, would anyone consider Sir Dinadan an OC? Or Sir Palomides? They're characters added to a story drawing from a much, much older tradition, and I think they enrich the story. I feel likewise about the many Perceval Continuations, including the German Parzival by Wolfram von Eschenbach, which adds a half brother named Sir Feirefiz, or names Chretien's anonymous haughty maiden Orgeluse. What about Sir Aglovale's son Moriaen in the Dutch tradition? Amurfina in German Diu Krone by Heinrich von dem Türlin? Morgan le Fay's daughter Puzella Gaia in Italian La Tavola Ritonda? Not to mention the countless Middle English additions. The Green Knight and his wife? Dame Ragnelle and Sir Gromer? Or how about everyone's favorite Savage Damsel, Lynette of Castle Perilous? Is she not a late-era addition to the tradition courtesy of the man, the myth, the legend, Sir Thomas Malory himself? And then here comes Tennyson, who read Le Morte d'Arthur, and got to the end of dear Gareth Beaumains' story and had the same reaction we all did: "What the hell? He marries her sister?" And then he went about changing that in Idylls of the King. Speaking of Lynette, what's up with her niece Laurel? She's just a name on a page, the vast majority of retellings choose to ignore her, even if they do keep Lynette and Lyonesse. Laurel can scarcely be called a character, after all. She doesn't even have dialogue. So as I've gone out of my way to make her a prominent, fully developed character, with her own culture and back story and motivations, does that make her an OC of mine? And Henry Newbolt who included Laurel in his play Mordred: A Tragedy. And Sarah Zettel, who wrote from Laurel's point of view in Camelot's Blood. We did all the work, but we threw an Arthurian name on the character, so therefore, she isn't ours? But if we changed her name, she would be? Who gets to decide?

All of the Arthurian characters belong to all of us. That's the beauty of writing in a long-standing tradition, which exists apart from all other forms of writing. We have complete creative liberty to do what we want and refer to it how we want and no person or corporation or anyone can dictate otherwise. The intellectual property of Arthuriana belongs to the people. So invent a brand new wife for Gawain, and well, you're only the millionth author to do it! Just make sure she's an interesting character and that's literally the only requirement. Can't wait to meet her. (And all others you create!)

Have a great day!

[guardianspirits13]

I pray with all of my heart that Fullmetal Alchemist never gets a reboot or a sequel

Daredevil (OG) was one of my pillars of exceptional writing and storytelling that I take heavy inspiration from.

And then the first FIVE MINUTES of the Disney reboot are literally the sort of thing I would have written in MIDDLE SCHOOL. "Oh adult character says fuck and weed is mentioned because this is MATURE and EDGY" "Oh they're gonna think the villain is here but actually he's THERE haha nobody suspected that" *insert melodramatic angst and character who doesn't kill killing someone to show just how SAD and ANGRY he is*

ANY goodwill and benefit of doubt they may have earned from me with the trailer is evaporated. Not even five minutes in and they blew it to SMITHEREENS. To the point where I was hoping it was a fucking dream sequence because that (well known and aptly hated) trope would have made for better writing than whatever the hell that was.

So yeah, as the cornerstone of my "holy grail of writing" foundation, Fullmetal Alchemist remains perfect the way it is and I have lost all hope in mainstream media.

Good riddance.

[cipher-grailwar]

Masters of the Holy Grail War!

Do you feel it? That power rushing through you? The strength at your fingertips-- heroes at your beck and call?

…And with the Servants chosen, now is time to truly call them forth.

--

Let silver and steel be the essence. Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation. The ancestor is my great master ■■■■■■■■.

Let rise a wall against the wind that shall fall, let the four cardinal gates close. Let the three-forked road from the crown reaching unto the Kingdom rotate.

Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill, Fill. Repeat five times but when each is filled destroy it. Then, set.

Heed my words, my will creates your body, and your swords creates their destiny. If you heed the Grail Call and obey my will and reason then answer me!

I hereby swear that I shall be all the good in the world. That I shall defeat all Evil in the world.

Seventh Heaven clad in the Great Words of Power. From the Binding Circle vow… Guardians of the Scales…!

-

And with that, our war begins! Let this grand bout be the key to our destiny! -- SABER / ARCHER / LANCER CASTER / RIDER / ASSASSIN / BERSERKER

You can read the opener post HERE.

You can read the rules HERE.