#never have i understood this discourse i fear

[darcyolsson]

pride month is so fun to me because it means i get to see three hundred angry posts about whether cishet ppl should be allowed or kept out of pride written with the tone of that being a real problem that exists when you go outside into the world

[hyperlexichypatia]

One time, when I was younger, I had an unpleasant encounter with an (apparently neurotypical) older man who wouldn't take "no" for an answer.

Now, I was fine. But I was scared.

Not so much because I was afraid the man would come after me -- although given the statistics around violence against women who refuse men's advances, that would be an entirely reasonable fear -- but because I was afraid that someone would find out what had happened.

Because, you see, if someone found out that I had been assaulted, I would be a Vulnerable Young Girl.

And the thing about being a Vulnerable Young Girl is that it doesn't matter if you said "yes" or "no."

It's not necessarily that people would have sided with my assailant -- this is a different flavor of rape culture. Most people would have agreed that what my assailant did was wrong. But they would have considered it equally wrong -- maybe more wrong -- if he were my chosen, consensual boyfriend I actively wanted to be with.

Because his crime was not disregarding my "no" and violating my bodily autonomy. His crime was Taking Advantage of a Vulnerable Young Girl. Preying on a Vulnerable Young Girl. Corrupting a Vulnerable Young Girl.

If you're a Vulnerable Young Girl, you don't have the right to say "yes," which means you don't really meaningfully have the right to say "no" either. You need to be Protected, and, of course, you don't have the right to say "no" to that, either.

And, look, once again, I was fine. I'm making the specific assault sound worse than it was. That's not the point. I wouldn't mention it at all, except that The Discourse is such that if you don't disclose a relevant personal experience, you're assumed to Not Care About Real People. But I am not alone in this.

I've heard multiple instances of the specific scenario "I was assaulted in college but I didn't report it because my parents would have made me leave school." Or "I was date raped and didn't report it because then my family would have never let me go out again." Or "I'm a psychiatric survivor and if I reported being assaulted I'd be put back into treatment."

These are real things I've heard or read assault victims say.

Framing assault victims as Vulnerable Young Girls actively discourages victims from reporting assaults.

Yet the people who use this framing seem to think it's somehow necessary to get assaults taken seriously, even though it does the opposite.

Feminists largely understand this when it's in the context of purity culture. When people say, "In purity culture, it doesn't matter if you say 'yes' or 'no,' sexual assault and consensual sex are considered equally bad, and that underlying premise minimizes the actual wrongdoing of sexual assault, discourages assault victims from reporting their assaults, and allows assailants to get away with their crimes," this is understood as a problem.

But the Vulnerable Young Girls framing comes from self-identified feminists. Who think they're helping. In the name of feminism and justice. They don't understand why being framed as a Vulnerable Young Girl would make a woman reluctant to come forward, because the coercive control she would be subjected to "isn't punishment". They're seemingly baffled by why young and/or disabled women don't want to be framed as Vulnerable Young Girls, even if they've been assaulted. Especially if they've been assaulted. Why are you so offended when we say that your wishes for your own body don't matter?

And... why? Why is this framing necessary? What is the purpose? What is the benefit?

If you hear about someone committing sexual assault against a young and/or disabled woman -- without her consent, against her will, disregarding her "no" -- what, exactly, are you trying to accomplish by jumping in and saying "Even if she said yes, that's still predatory! He's still Taking Advantage of a Vulnerable Young Girl!"?

What is the purpose of saying that?

If a young and/or disabled woman chooses a sexual and/or romantic relationship that you think is "bad for her," and you proclaim "Just because she agreed to it doesn't make it okay! It's still wrong!" -- well, I vehemently disagree with you, but at least you're responding to the actual situation that exists.

But if you hear about an assault, against the victim's will, without her consent, and feel the need to denounce the counterfactual scenario in which it was a consensual encounter... what are you even trying to accomplish? Is the sole purpose just to convey to the victims (and any other assault survivors and/or young and/or disabled women in the vicinity) "I need to make it unambiguously clear that my objection to this assault has nothing to do with the violation of your bodily autonomy. I actively do not care about that."?

[doberbutts]

What I never understood is like... I thought we all agreed that past trauma doesn't justify abusive behavior, and that intent isn't as important as impact. So when the people who say stuff like "I hate all men" and "All men are trash" try to justify that by saying that they've been traumatized by men, I really can't get behind that reasoning? I mean, I can empathize with wanting to vent about past abuse, but I just don't think it's ever cool to generalize entire groups of people in the process. If a man was abused by his mom and started going off about how much he hates all women, we'd tell him to go to therapy. It's just so blatant to me that they want to avoid seeing the impact their words have on the people around them & they don't want to see how their man-hate interacts with racism, ableism, transphobia, etc etc.

Anyway, thanks a bunch for speaking on this! While I have not read Bell Hooks myself, I agree with all the snippets I've read through Tumblr, and I'll be looking up The Will To Change during my next library visit so I can become officially acquainted with her work. Thank you for leading me in that direction, and thank you for making such thoughtful, informative posts. You're a delight, and I hope you have a lovely week.

I think as well that often times people confuse venting- which is good and even therapeutic- with political and/or actionable discourse.

Person who was attacked, assaulted, and now traumatized by men talking about how they have an inherent distrust of men and at times wish they could live in a world without men is speaking from the darkest place of their fear and is working through their trauma.

Person who then takes these opinions and turns them into actual theory and pushes for this to become the new social norm, however, is no longer venting nor are they acting in a therapeutic manner. This is where it begins to harm people, and thus where it begins to be a problem.

There's been people- feminists, even- a lot smarter than me who have discussed at length the difference between the two. How we need to make space for one, but need to ensure the other is not being used as a bludgeon to harm those who just happen to be in the same demographic.

[glitter-stained]

I do think it bears repeating, fanfic writers can write whatever the fuck they want. It's not their responsibility to introduce readers to the canon because they are not writing canon they are writing fanwork!

If someone reads a fic about a coffeeshop and they assume the characters are coffeeshop part-timers, and it causes them issues in fan spaces because the characters in the source material are assassins, that is 100% on the reader for assuming that the hurt/comfort coffee-shop no cape AU was a fair representation of the source material. It's not supposed to be. Fanfic writers have no obligation to be canon-compliant.

If someone reads a fic that is not canon compliant, that is not the writer trying to convince you of their interpretation of canon. You should not assume that every fic is a character study with the same identical relationship dynamics as in canon because most fanworks are not an extension of canon nor are they obligated to be. And yes, even if the trope in question is popular fanon, even if other people will see it as gospel and not engage with source material and yk what, even if the trope itself, in the context of the actual source material, does a disservice to the character's arc. Because fanfics are not just fandom work, though it's very important that they are, they are also stories in and of themselves, works that have value proper to itself and writers do not owe you canon compliancy.

I've written a fic with many fanon elements, including pit rage, and you know what, I like this fic. I wrote it because I wanted to write about a depressive episode with psychotic characteristics and I thought Jason -and elements from fanon Jason- would be interesting to explore that idea with, and I wrote about pit rage because I wanted to write about catharsis, and the pessimism that comes with growing up in fear of the idea of the cycle of violence and how internalized psychophobia (and classism but that wasn't explicit) feeds into that fear, and how the addition of an element like the Pit, which literally makes feeling emotions dangerous, in the context of a severe depressive episode, would fuck into that interplay, and screw Jason's priorities enough to trigger the switch from passive to active suicidality. There are other examples of fanon tropes I found interesting to explore in that fic, but I'm focusing on the pit rage thing in this example because it shows up a lot in this discourse.

I have read the damn comics. I mostly see late-onset Pit Madness as patchwork to salvage late post-crisis Jason, which I'm not often interested in as I don't often acknowledge those stories (especially with all the retcons and maybe retcons established since then), and I think using it in the context of Under the Hood is a disservice to his character. But just because that trope can be a disservice to an analysis of his character in canon, doesn't mean it can't be good for in the story I am telling right now, which holds value in and of itself, because it has helped me process feelings and others have told me it has helped them and I do not owe anybody canon compliancy.

So when some little fucker commented a long ass paragraph on my fic about how it was one of the worst fics he'd ever read because everyone was OOC and condescendingly explained to me that my fic was way too nice to the batfam and none of them would do that- yk, I was angry. Because that fic was 5 chapters long and they commented on chapter 5. They had all the opportunity to stop, or at least not comment on their hate-read (which is a practice I've never understood). And most importantly, they assumed shit about my knowledge of canon based on their inability to view my work as anything but an extension of the canon they consume. They very clearly wanted something out of my jason-centric jason & batfam members fic that the tags should have told them they would not find there and instead of, I don't know, reading fucking Task Force Z, they decided that it was on me. But their inability to view my writing in its context, recognize my work for its own worth and stop assuming things about people they don't know for five fucking minutes was actually the problem. And it's, frankly, insulting as fuck.

I very rarely get hate comments, and that one was a long time ago -actually now that I think about it, it was almost an entire year ago. Readers are usually very nice to me and honestly, after how stressed I was of getting hate for the horse movie fic, I can't emphasize enough how much I love you guys and how lovely you've been.

However, I see takes on this website that shove the responsibility of "fanon" and people not engaging with the source material onto fanfic writers all the time and that annoys me so much. Canon is plural, self-contradictory, often OOC, has a multitude of problematic takes and honestly in the context of the batfam specifically, it's very depressing: I struggle to imagine them ever actually getting to the happy ending as a family together. So if Dick and Jason's relationship wrt Bruce makes me sad and I want to write or read fics in which Dick stands up to Bruce and protects his little brother, or I need the catharsis of a story about pit rage, or I'm mad at dc for glazing tim at the expense of other robins or at tim for being rude to a character i like, and i retaliate by putting tim into jason fanboy jail, that's just fine actually. That's a non-issue.

This essay has become way longer than I thought considering how simple the idea is, so here's the TLDR:

#1: Don't like, don't read.

#2: Fic writers do not owe you canon compliancy.

#3: Fic writers are not responsible for whatever fanon belief you're mad at.

#4: Stop assuming shit about fic writers based on what they write, you do not actually know these people.

#5: Fanfic is not just an extension of canon those are stories of their own merit.

#6: You have to respect fic writers even when you don't like their fic.

Or, to be even more concise:

Just don't be a dick.

[kitsune-pop]

i have feelings about b-127 from transformers one

(also spoilers for the movie)

I've seen plenty of discourse around b, we all have. "he's annoying and cringe!" "he ruins the movie!!" etc. I'm not here to talk about your personal preference in comedic relief. I want to talk about b in a way I haven't seen anyone do before (and if someone has tag me I wanna discuss things!)

tfo is pretty clearly a story about disenfranchised workers reclaiming their rights and autonomy. fairly cut and dry. orion and d-16 have different ideas on how to enact change, plot moves forward. but b does stand out amongst the cast as the only one who isn't completely destroyed by the revelation of sentinel's betrayal, nor does he go through a radical personality change like Orion, d-16 or even elita. he stays his lovable self

why is that?

b admits himself that he got reassigned to burn pit duty. he plays it off, but it's made abundantly clear that he's unhappy. his work station is treated like a dungeon, and it very well may be! they had to climb up 50 levels of trash just to get out! which begs the question; did they have to sneak past 49 other trash watchers? or did the other ones just ignore them?

are the sublevels only for the ones the enforcers don't like or have any use for?

I'm going to pivot to talk about myself and my experiences. (we'll get back to b in a sec) I am very neurodivergent. autism, ADHD, cptsd and likely others that I haven't figured out yet. it's hard for me to keep a job. whether it's overstimulation, rude customers callous or abusive management, I lose my job a lot

I've never once quit

every time I've been fired, it's come out of the blue. no warnings, no talk about "how to improve your performance." just walk in, walk out an hour later unemployed. and it's always over something that I have no real control over. and it's because I'm neurodivergent. I know it is. I'm loud, make obnoxious jokes, talk too much, pretty much everything b does

and I'm punished for it

it's always the same way; they find some way to shove me out of sight. I'm certainly not an amazing worker, but I follow the rules and make sure all my work is done before I clock out. I'm worth more to keep than to train a new person. so I'm sent to a department that no one goes to. or I get locked into a night shift that takes over a year for me to escape from only after the manager who put me there quit. I'm not stupid, I know why. I'm off-putting to neurotypical people. so I clam up, shut down, become an automaton for whatever company I work for

and it doesn't matter

my managers always find some mundane thing I did wrong literally months in the past and use it as an excuse to fire me. it's happened three separate times and I can even see my current managers gearing up to do the same thing

I'm b, and b is me

he represents the coworker you don't like, the obnoxious neighbor who's too nosy, the friend of a friend who tries way too hard to be funny. he's the guy who you shove in a corner and forget about and he deserves freedom and autonomy too

I deserve freedom and autonomy

we all deserve it, it is our right as human beings to not be viewed as pieces of a machine to be shattered beyond repair and replaced when necessary. regardless of whether or not you enjoy spending your personal time around me. Orion and d are both unsettled by b, but quickly realize that he just wants to have real, not garbage (literally) friends. and then they realize that, yeah he's annoying, but he's kind, big hearted and just an overall sweet guy

I wish someone felt that way about me when they see me so disassociated at my job I can barely register the words they're saying to me

I wish a single one of my previous managers understood that about me

I wish I didn't live in constant fear that my apartment, my cats and my food weren't all at risk just because someone doesn't like my vibe

is it any wonder why they stood up and fought for themselves? is it any wonder that d became Megatron when he realized that his superiors viewed him and all his protocol following glory as nothing more than trash to be pushed around? is it any wonder how angry he got when he realized he was a single simple mistake from being forgotten?

...sorry, I got a little emotional at the end there

b-127 in transformers one means a lot to me

not because I see myself in him

but because I see my loved ones in him

[velvetvexations]

Possibly they mean the current row over transphobes seeing people as their assigned sex? Some people are desperately insecure and seeing any even hypothetical relation to what they're transitioning away from to be so terrifyingly abhorrent that they entirely misunderstand what's being said. Case in point:

Not to psychoanalyze, but, like, wow, right? This is either maliciously lying or an incredibly sad coping mechanism. People are literally just saying that transphobes don't see people as the gender they identify as, but somehow this has led to the completely off the wall takeaway "trans women are men."

Like, no one is saying that. Literally no one is saying that, except for TERFs who I and every transmasc in this discourse shut down when they try to insert themselves into the conversation with their obviously wrong and vile bullshit.

And it's telling transradfems never actually...engage with what's being said at all. Like they never take a post and argue with it, they exclusively post about takes that don't exist. They're shadow boxing.

It breaks my brain a little. Like, how? How do you do this? How do you get this twisted a perception? Every single day anti-transandrophobia activists are repeating endlessly that they don't think transfems oppress them or anything remotely like that. Beyond intentionally trying to deceive their audience, it feels like transradfems are driven by an intense fear of anyone - even actual transphobes - seeing them as as the gender they were assigned that they not only deny that, but also take any acknowledgement of how transphobes think as misgendering them as well.

Which is just sad. It sucks that a transphobic society has made them this unbelievably skittish as to have a meltdown over the very thought that anyone could view them incorrectly. A person's gender validity is not dependent on what others think of them and it's not misgendering each other to understand that some people we are all aligned against have incorrect beliefs.

The "so you're saying we OPPRESS YOU?" reaction to "maybe don't slur other trans people?" may also arise out of this. It's plausible transradfems can't acknowledge trans women and trans men are on the same plane, with equal capacity (no more, no less) to harm each other, because they feel like they're somehow not getting the full Fymyle experience of being maximumly oppressed by all definitions of man at all times. Their problem with cis radical feminism is purely that they aren't allowed into the club, so naturally they can only relate trans men talking about their issues or expressing a belief that trans women are capable of causing them harm with MRAs. Cis men oppress all trans people, but to copy-and-paste the experience of being a cis woman as closely as possible, you can't be equal with any men whatsoever, even just trans men.

TERFs are well-understood to define womanhood around suffering and asserting themselves the biggest sufferers of all, and that's the definition transradfems have inherited.

I'm sorry, anon. You're a man and I'm so, so happy for that, your masculinity makes the world a better place. Please always be who you are. <3

my proposal is that we all start casually referring to all trans people as transmisogyny affected

"TMAs have it so rough" "yeah, trans women, men, and non-binary people of all sexual characteristics and assigned genders do have it rough, you're right"

trans radical feminism's one and only distinction form radical feminism is that they want to make a small edit to how it determines if someone is a man or a woman

I AM awesome!

Trans radical feminism and being a tankie are practically inseparable so it's a much more politically homogenous group taking a swing at a number of people likely to severely disagree on several things, like people who support Israel as a concept if not it's current actions vs. those who see the concept as the problem regardless of who's in charge.

Good instincts.

He seems like a very miserable guy.

Ideally we should make an effort to do work on behalf of others, but yes, it's not surprising and completely understandable that people tend to work on their needs first.

Yeah. It's based in radfem ideas of men being the ultimate evil and literally incapable of restraining themselves from harming women.

[martyrdeer]

SANGLANTE IMMORTALITE

synopsis: wracked with cultural fears and personal dreads of the aging process, elara retreats from the world behind her lover, isolde. the two take comfort in one another, sharing tender dinner preparations and solemnly wordy discourses on the nature of beauty and immortality within their silent house. but buried beneath the apparent serenity is a dark reality: their search for eternal youth obtained by consuming the vital essence of others. while elara is battling the haunting whispers of society's expectations, isolde's mysterious charm and their shared rituals become at once a source of refuge and a chilling epiphany regarding the extent they will go to preserve their ageless beauty.

tags: my original characters!! themes of aging and societal beauty standards! cannibalism, implied violence, mentions of murder, body horror, & dark romance!!

word count is 1.2k!!

The smell of the comforting melancholy rainfall took residence in my bathroom. I opened my window ajar earlier because the weatherman on the radio predicted a storm. Now I'm sitting at my vanity staring into my pale complexion. I look rather sickly, my purple eyebags betraying me. I roughly drag my fingers against my cheek. They leave a faded red mark afterward. I started to get that unsettling feeling that the patriarchal society was right. That women start to become ripe at thirty. All of my precious dollars flushed down the drain along with the false promises of those nonsense anti-aging creams.

“Elara?” My darling, Isolde calls out to me. Her soothing voice snaps me out of the madness. My head turns to the side where the door is. My senses come back to me. I hear a muffled Nina Simone play on our record player. I glance back at my reflection before slipping back out to my kitchen. My silk robe fluttered behind me as I paced to the kitchen, Isolde doesn’t like to wait. Once I got into our kitchen, I smelled a new yet delectable scent. I beamed as I saw Isolde stirring something in the pot. I sneak up on her with a devious smile on my face. When I was up against her, I slipped my hand down her back.

I lean in to look down in the pot & I chuckle. Surprisingly I didn’t frighten her. Her stiffened back eased into my touch. I sniff again, taking into the smell. “What’s this one?” I whisper to her. I felt her lovingly glance as she lifted the spoon. She stayed silent as she held the spoon up to my mouth. I slid my hand under it, tasting it. “Les poumons de notre ami,” Isolde finally tells me. I smile as she says it, she’s always naming her crafts in French. “It's incredible,” I insist, my grin still plastered on my face. She nods as a thank you, “I thought it would be nice to have a friend for dinner.”

I huff while preparing the table, “You’re right. And I’ll always provide the ingredients. Anything for you, my dear.” I place our wine glasses next to our plates. My eyes seem to trail back to Isolde. She’s pouring the soup into the bowls cautiously. When she was done, I strolled back to assist her. Isolde hands me the bowl, I glance down at it while taking it to the table. The soup has Gruyère & bay leaf melted on its surface. If I wasn’t smiling enough, I was now. I place my bowl down as I sit. I look up at Isolde, patiently waiting for her.

When she sits, I am reminded of her immortal beauty. I recall that December night at my father’s work party. The first time I saw her across the room drinking her white wine and talking to a relative of mine. I never understood Sappho’s ramblings until I met Isolde. She was so breathtaking that it made me envious. I remember staring into her perpetual virtue, cursing myself for letting my looks slip away. I asked her how she stayed so fresh-faced, dying to let me in on her secret. The way the seasons change with her. How she had the universe under her control. I will never forget how she batted her eyes at me. Spoke softly in my ear with a gentle laugh, “If I told you, I would have to kill you.”

I came home the next day around noon. My day was shorter than usual, I struggled to walk without aching through the door. Some days I begin to feel my age. I was met with a silent welcome. Others would become worried if their partner didn’t come to them. But I’m not that codependent of Isolde. I can still feel her presence throughout the home. That’s what comforts my pain. I slip off my shrug as I stroll to my living room, I search for her. I find her resting on her wool chair peacefully reading. Like many times before I sneak up behind her and kiss her cheek. I mumble against her cheek, “Happiness was like a green vine spreading through her, stretching fine tendrils, bearing flowers through her flesh.”

Isolde’s eyes lit up as I spoke, she stared down at me as I sat next to her. “I feel I stand in a desert with my hands outstretched, and you are raining down upon me,” She quoted to me. My eyes scan her face while I smile sweetly at her. I feel like an idiotic fool when I stare at her. I want to devour myself into her beauty & soul. Isolde grazes my face with her hand, her touch is gentle. She brushes a strand of my hair out of my face and pushes it behind my face. My vulnerability starts to grow as her thumb hovers over my cheek. She whispers to me, “You have a cut.” I raised an eyebrow when Isolde’s thumbnail pressed into my cut. My voice is low because I am lost in her touch, “I didn't even notice.”

That night, Isolde was cooking dinner like clockwork. And I was doing my daily routine where I mindlessly gaze into my reflection. The leftover rain smell began to rust in my bathroom. My main focus is my cut, I fear that it might scar. Despite being the size of my nail, it was deep. Isolde promised me that if it did, she would kiss it every day for me. And she gave me a quote along with her oath. “Scars are the threads that weave beauty and bravery into our souls." I wonder where she got it from. After I was done with my insecurities, I went back to where Isolde led. I watch her as I rest my chin on my hand. I temporarily forget everything else in the world while watching her prepare the food. “And this one is called?” I politely pander, referring to the food. She beams up at me and says, “Coeur de ton ennemi.”

At dinner, we eat in solitude. A beguiling harmony plays in my head as I feel myself age backward while eating my meal. I take a sip of the white wine that tastes so rich & refreshing. I can taste Isolde’s endlessly laudable remedy in the meat. The constraint from a chauvinistic coterie that found its way into society’s consciousness was lifted off my shoulders. I start to smile as I take another sip of my wine, feeling celebratory. Isolde notices my happiness and she dittos my simper. “Why are you so happy?” She questions, a hint of curiosity in her voice. I sigh as I collect my words, “The explorers of the Fountain of Youth are so oblivious.” I see the confusion on Isolde’s face. I continue to explain, “They don’t know the real answer to immortality.” I place my wine glass down as she catches on. She nods with a chuckle, “Eternal youth comes from within. The flesh gracefully blurs. Somebody’s instrumental chamber of existence becomes our orchestra. In their grim slumber, we craft a melody of beauty. We absorb their souls & reservoirs. We battle against Father Time. And so far, it seems like we’re winning.” I see a smirk on her face before she sips her wine. I began to feel giddy as I opened my mouth again, “Dévoreurs d'existence."

[girlsteria]

That Time James Gandolifni Radicalized Me

A couple of days ago, I was struck by a quote from beloved New Jersey Princess, James Gandolfini. The line comes from a conversation between Gandolfini and Lorraine Bracco for the March 1991 issue of Interview Magazine. The actors cover what you’d expect two nasally, east-coast Italians to cover: the mafia genre, its relationship with Italian-Americans, and strip clubs. I wish I could say the quote in question derives from a meditation on Italian-Americanism or Italiano ennui, but no, it’s from the strip clubs side of things. When discussing the aforementioned strip clubs, a horrified Bracco asks Gandolfini why men are attracted to such a venue. Gandolfini responded, “Um, I don’t know. I guess it’s a safe place to look at women,” (Gandolfini, 1999). I’m aware that this does not read as the striking statement I mentioned earlier, at least not at first site. It’s a simple answer, one that does little to satisfy the fear in Bracco’s question. But what has lingered with me is not its validity as an answer, rather, the idea behind it. You have to admit, conflating a strip club with a “safe place” leaves a lot to the imagination.

Is there any relationship quite as fluid as the one between women and the strip club? If you were to ask this woman about her relationship to the strip club, you would get something between a well-worn sigh, followed by an apology for how long the response will be. I will say that in recent years, I’ve become more confident in my thinking. As a woman, I am discomforted by how robust the strip club is within the male gaze. A place that prioritizes male pleasure oftentimes at  the expense of female safety is not one I find particularly appealing. As an anti-capitalist, I am also put-off by the idea of, quite literally, using your body as a form of profit. While I find there to be truth in these beliefs, my opinions have been challenged by this concept of the strip club as a safe space. What does that mean exactly?

If we are to look at Gandolfini’s thinking from a more inquisitive lens, there is a fascinating undercurrent running through it. More often than not, referring to the strip club as a “safe space” would either get you laughed at or cancelled. But when functioning at its best, the strip club can act as a kind of padded room. If its workers and clientele are treated generously and proper precautions are installed, then the strip club becomes a forum where patrons can interact with sexuality, the body, and taboo in a healthy, non-judgmental place. When sitting with this iteration of the strip club, it doesn’t sound so inhumane, now does it? In fact, it sounds rather productive, especially in today’s culture given how frayed our relationship to taboo is. So why isn’t the strip club, and ideas similar to it, more embraced?

I know I just said we have a frayed relationship with taboo, but that’s putting it charitably. In actuality, we are shockingly repelled by it. Despite welcoming much needed change in what is perceived as deviant, we are just as pearl-clutchy as we were pre-woman being allowed to wear pants when it comes to taboo. This is arguably best understood through the loathsome sex scene discourse. Sex scenes in media have long been scrutinized, however, the conversation was reinvigorated online when “The Boy is Mine” actor Penn Badgley professed that he would no longer film sex scenes out of respect for his marriage. Badgley received overwhelming support for his decision which in turn instigated a new wave of disdain for the sex scene online. The artist formerly known as Twitter has become a hotspot for the discourse. If you open the app, chances are you wouldn’t last two seconds without running into a post that goes  like, “This is so true!!!!!!!! Sex scenes are uncomfy, exploitative, and never serve narrative purpose anyways!!!!!!!” A real post from a real person, which got two million views by the way, goes as such, “We are adults, we don't need to see sex scenes. Just show the actors kissing then cut to a scene where they are laying in bed afterwards,” (Aynda Mthimkhulu, 2023). 

The backlash against taboo can be attributed to an inexhaustible list of factors. I want to make it clear that my goal here is not to divulge into that list. There is plenty of scholarship that communicates the history and cultural reputation of taboo far better than I can. What I am attracted to, however, is the irony in the belief that taboo and interactions with it are inherently useless, if not downright harmful. Taboo is often seen as a synonym for deviancy. Deviancy, like taboo, is in a state of moral panic. Our current reaction to deviance, no matter how severe, is to publicly shame and criminalize the perpetrator. Whether it’s Jeremy Allen White kissing his co-worker or Chris Brown beating a woman within an inch of her life, any indiscretion is met with offense. And it is also met with plans to avoid them in the future.

We’ve all seen the, “video games make kids trigger happy,” defense at some point in time. The suggestion that follows is usually that violent video games should be banned and we have come to accept a similar framework for taboo or deviance. Don’t want your kid to become the guy who masturbates on the MFL? Ban sex scenes! Don’t want your wife to become a revenge-induced psychopath? Don’t let her read Gone Girl! You get the picture. There is obviously research that disproves such an approach is successful, but even without the research, I have to ask, when has repression ever been advantageous? Do you think the purity-obsessed and sexually repressed homes of future pedophiles helped them at all? Or was it that repression that yielded them to a warped perception of sexuality? And if we remove the depictions of domestic abuse in The Bluest Eye is that going to make abusive fathers just disappear? If we want to truly avoid anti-social behavior, we must foster spaces where people can converse with the sick, the ugly, and the crude in a low-stake and structured tone. The alternative, while appealing in its simplicity, is throwing the baby out with the bath water.

We don’t all have to go to a strip club in order to develop a well-adjusted relationship with sexuality. Sex scenes, of course, achieve a similar effect within the comfort of our living rooms or a theater. Participating in celebrity gossip is another apt way of discovering what taboo means to you. Talking about a celebrity cheating on his wife with friends allows you to consider what you want from monogamy while also acting within the parameters of a fourth wall between the celebrity and yourself. It’s the definition of a no harm, no foul situation. By giving ourselves the chance to flirt with taboo, we not only learn more about who we are, we also put all of our nasty, little deviancies into something secure and fruitful.

I don’t know if Gandolfini knew what he was tapping into when he told Bracco about his safe place. What I  know, however, is that his safe place has become an endangered species. And just when I think it is gone forever, a clip of Julia Ducournau’s Titane appears on my feed. Without even realizing it, I have found a safe place in the wild. Although the clip’s portrayal of a woman having sex with a car is as painful as it sounds, I watched the whole way through. All the aches and pains are showing me entirely new sides of myself that I didn’t even know I had. I can’t wait to get to know them.

[adrienivy]

i’ve seen a lot of new discourse on the finale as it recently came out in english and i just wanted to say, i don’t agree with most of it.

while it’s undeniable gabriel agreste has done plenty of unjustifiable things, I believe that making the wish was actually the best choice given the circumstances.

when marinette showed him emilie’s recordings, gabriel realized he (and nathalie) should have followed her instructions, but it was too late to change the outcome. gabriel himself was deteriorating, and nathalie was comatose/dead. adrien would have been left without anyone (remember that this was one of emilie’s fears).

obviously, marinette couldn’t have known he was going to sacrifice HIMSELF, which is why she initially opposed the wish. she couldn’t risk him possibly sacrificing an INNOCENT life.

after she RIGHTFULLY refused to make the wish, he knew the only possible way for adrien to have an alive parental figure was for him to make the wish.

that’s why he “betrayed” marinette’s trust.

he made the wish and, as he now understood emilie never wanted to be brought back, sacrificed his life for nathalie.

that’s it. i don’t see why so many people are making a big deal out of this saying he only sacrificed himself to avoid the “consequences of his actions”

news flash: he would have died anyways! even if he didn’t make the wish, he was literally a dead man walking.

and personally i don’t think him being regarded as an hero has something to do with his wish: it’s simply a consequence of what he told marinette. (obviously it wasn’t right to burden a little girl with that responsibility, but that’s another story)

marinette probably didn’t know what to say so she made up a story about him helping her defeating monarch so that adrien wouldn’t know. and im 90% sure that this will be brought up again in the next seasons, possibly as a way to spice up things between adrien and marinette.

note: im not in any way a gabriel apologist, but im just tired of people blatantly misunderstanding the finale ! also im open to discuss my opinions with anyone who would want to! (obviously, in a respectful way, thank you)

-🌸

[kait-bait8]

Thoughts about Wolfstar???

For the longest time I’ve considered Wolfstar to be as good as canon and haven’t thought much more about them. But lately I’ve been thinking about the reality of Remus Lupin and who he is and now I have many more thoughts about them haha.

Disclaimer that while I’ve always been a fan of the original series, I was only active in the fandom for a short time several years ago and so I have no idea what “fandom lore” has been established or what discourse may have taken place. This is just coming from my read throughs of the books over the years.

While trying to examine the series with the intent to create an animated series for the modern era, I have tried to see where obvious diversity could be drawn out of characters and tried to interpret characters many different ways. I’m no expert and I’m still working on this theory, but I have begun trying to read Lupin as somewhere in the ace family.

Remus’ interactions with Tonks always felt extremely uncomfortable to me and the pressure from everyone around him to just marry her has never helped. I would love to hear more opinions about them and this is really a tangent for another post, but I’ve never understood why Tonks was so in love with Remus or why that particular pairing ever happened.

Bringing it back to Wolfstar, I think it’s a very easy conclusion to reach that Sirius and Remus had some sort of relationship beyond friendship. James and Sirius were always said to be practically brothers and clearly none of them knew Peter as well as they thought. And of course, James was always chasing after Lily. All of that leaves a space to fill about the relationship between Sirius and Remus.

But here’s my thing: I don’t think Remus’ fears about being with Tonks came from nowhere. I think Remus seeing himself as a monster has always prevented him from committing to relationships or seeing himself as worthy to be in one. I think that even after knowing the boys for years and going on many adventures together, he still thought that they were friends with a monster. And I don’t think he could bring himself to even begin to think about being romantic with anyone, even Sirius.

Obviously feelings like that are not *THE* reason he or anyone else would be ace, but I think it makes sense that it could be hard for him to feel comfortable connecting intimately and physically with anyone.

As for Sirius, I find it very amusing every time the posters in his bedroom walls are described. Obviously that doesn’t actually mean anything, but I don’t think it’s crazy to say that Sirius and James viewed girls basically the same way during their time at Hogwarts. It’s also important to note that we just don’t see Sirius interact romantically with any character in the series.

The best conclusion I can draw based on canon is that at most they had schoolboy crushes on one another, but fighting in a war and the aftermath of the fidelius curse caused them both to set all of that aside and unfortunately, they never had a chance to rekindle it.

But I love seeing fun and cute Wolfstar content because I love the idea of them together.

[melonteee]

It literally is the reason why a lot of people seem to like OPLA Sanji more, since they only associate him with the perv gag, not remember there were almost no pervy scenes with him at all, up until like Thriller Bark?

Your friends words about Sanji's flirting not being realistic hence it's easy to find cute and charming is so on point! The fact that he never demands anything from the women, he just does it because he likes it, seperates him from most irl men and ironically, the LA version of him was kind of what I feared Sanji would be before starting the series.

However, I completely also understand why a lot of women would dislike Sanji after Thriller Bark since while his flirting and behaviour were cartoonish and over-the-top before, the entitlement to women's bodies, even in the context of a "joke", is very real and can also be triggering.

The Clear-Clear Fruit/peeping joke is something I've never come to understand, it comes completely out of left field and I feel like it just doesn't make sense for his character, or what his character is supposed to be, at all. He loves women and he is really kind, but wanting to invade their privacy just to perv is the most selfish thing in the world. Gags are supposed be just that; gags. They're supposed to be inconsequential, like Zoro getting lost or even Brook's panty joke, not a fan of it either but it makes sense in the context of his character; he was alone for so long he completely forgot what is socially acceptable and what isn't, which in the end, is just really sad.

But I just never understood the point of Sanji suddenly wanting to peep on women, like WHEN did this happen? I was fully expecting it to be explained in WCI, that he wanted to be invisible because of the abuse he experienced every day and later he would just make it into something "lighter" as a coping mechanism but, not really? It was just left up in the air and I guess we will never know, maybe it was an editorial demand or Oda just wanted to appeal more to boys, I don't know.

I'm sorry this is so ranty I'm still just so pressed about it because I love Sanji dearly and I just really dislike the fact that this joke has completely overtaken his character in some people's minds and I GET why. It is a valid reason not to like him and I just wish Oda had never included it, there were way better ways to make him pervy if he wanted to go down that route with him. OPLA discourse has just made me think about it again and I guess the silver lining is that people are finding Sanji charming again, which is the way he is supposed to be.

Sanji does shoot himself in the foot a lot lol, and I totally understand why Sanji makes people uncomfortable so I never hold it against them or anything. Like yeah it's weird he wanted the clear clear fruit to be a perv, but when you see him reading the book of devil fruits as a kid in Germa, you can also have your own idea that he's definitely compensating for uh...being un-wanted LMAO.

It depends how you take his scenes I guess, one thing I will say is I can make him worse.

[moonchild-in-blue]

Okay, so I'm finally caught up with The Witcher 3 and as expected, most of the discourse here is about our favourite bard Jaskier and his hot lover. And while I LOVE him and Radovid, I really wanna see more discussion about the rest of show. So here's some of my favourite points/moments/whatever before vol. 2 comes out:

Yennefer genuinely trying to make amends with everyone, and becoming a better person. Her letters to Geralt?? Love them.

Ciri being not very great at magic - very refreshing to see a Chosen One™ teenage girl actually struggling and being clumsy and imperfect, and seeing her abilities improve realistically. Very tired of seeing the "trains for one week and instantly becomes a master at magic/whatever skill" trope.

On that same note, I really love that she gets to be a badass fighter, dirty and scruffy, but also still enjoys her pretty dresses and other traditionally feminine things. Girls are both, one doesn't excuse the other, and I just find that very neat.

Domestic Geralt and Yen. The dinners, the anniversary celebration, co-parenting Ciri. Hella cute 🥺

VERY interesting to see Nilfgaard seeking yet another truce with Francesca and the elves. Literally one of my favourite plot points of season 2 - Nilfgaard are the supposed "evil" ones, and yet so far are the only ones actively helping out the elves, even if with an agenda.

Emhyr burning his portraits and Pavetta's, erasing his past as Dunny. I'm very interested to see how the father dynamic parallels between him, Geralt and Ciri will play out.

Cahir, my skrunkly boy. ✨Him✨ Is he evil? Is he kinda okay? Is he actually disgusted with himself for murdering his elf boyfriend, and thus securing his position in the Nilfgaardian court, knowing that he's simply sinking deeper into Emhyr's grasp as merely a pawn, or is he just a cold-blooded army blorbo, and truly believes that the White Flame is the answer? Who knows!

Fringilla?? Living her best life as a free woman, dancing and drinking the trauma away? We love to see. Her hair looked AMAZING in the tavern scene. But please, someone give her something to do, girlie was NOT made for the streets.

Yarpen (his that his name?) is such a sweetheart, I love him 🥺

RIP Fern and her husband (am bad at names), and all that Library of Alexandria worth of knowledge and literature.

Love love love the gay uncle/rebel teenager relationship between Jaskier and Ciri. They're so funny together. Them spying on Geralt and Yen?? Fabulous.

YEN FINALLY BECAME A MOTHER. Listen, I almost teared up when Tissaia said that because, ugh. I love their friendship. And Tissaia is one of the very few people who really knows Yennefer, and how much having a child meant for her. And now she is, and she gets to be a parent with Geralt. And she's so awesome. I love that she, unlike Triss, isn't always kind and gentle with Ciri. She knows how much Ciri is struggling for control, she gets it. And she allows herself to be vulnerable and truthful with her - something that even Geralt struggles to do at times [with Ciri].

Geralt learning that his mother has died, and genuinely crying, less because of her passing, but more because he never understood why she abandoned him, and how much that hurt. Especially now that he's a father himself, and knows what true love and care and fear for a child means. Because he could never, ever hurt or endanger Ciri the way Visenna hurt him. Because there's always another way, it has to be. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this like the first time we see him cry? I don't remember if he actually shed any tears after Sodden, or when Roach died. Crazy to think he's been alive for so many decades, and yet still carries so much hurt and saddens towards his mother.

Jaskier having a crush is so cute hahaha. But also, I love the way he talks about his love for Geralt. Because sure, he's a slut (affectionately), and sure, him and Radovid? Their chemistry and connection is off the charts. But Geralt? His love for Geralt is so genuine, it runs so much deeper than people realise. It's unfair to say it's purely platonic or romantic or whatever because how can you even label a love that profound? "Family goat", AS IF BURN BUTCHER BURN ISN'T THE MOST HEART-WRENCHING, ANSTY BREAKUP SONG EVER, like okay, we all know how you really feel about Mr. Grumpy Pants. Honestly, big thank you Joey Batey, he really brings that romantic artist energy to life.

Philippa and Djikstra being in a bdsm relationship was NOT on my bingo cards. We love a dominatrix witch.

Tissaia's hair. She looks superb.

In comparison, someone please give my girl Triss some hair conditioner. Why did they let her walk around like that like, bestie, define your curls, please I'm begging you.

Vengefortz being the Big Bad - I did have a suspicion but didn't really want to believe it. What he did to those girls was atrocious and messed up, I was legitimately horrified. But also, bravo, whatever his purpose is, he pulled it off quite well.

Istred with that hair and eyeliner. Weirdly hot. Kinda wanted to see more of him.

Jaskier x Valdo Marx beef was EVERYTHING. I cackled when his trope appeared on the boat like fucking glee club. Their song on the conclave was extremely annoying tho, I did not love the constant replay of scenes.

GERALT SAID I LOVE YOU. Geralt said I love you. To Yennefer. Out loud. In public nonetheless. Gasping, clutching my pearls, screaming, crying, throwing up. I love them so much.

Yennefer serving looks 24/7 like the total boss babe she is.

Also, side note but, have you noticed that this season (so far) has had much less ~spicy~ scenes, or just generally less hyper-sexualised content, especially when it came to Yen/Geralt? Even the others, all of the sex scenes felt a lot more "plot relevant", and less "fan-servicey" than in previous seasons, which I for one really appreciate. I feel like before, especially s1, every other scene was an opportunity to show Yen's boobs or Geralt shirtless. Now it feels more, respectful? reigned in? Not that there's anything wrong with it - I'll never say no to a nice titty shot of Henry Cavill - but it can definitely take away the focus from the story, which is a shame because the plot is so rich and there's so much happening.

[nrdmssgs]

OC ask game

Second part of answers for this request. This is quite upsetting, sorry. There are serious triggers out there: mentions of real life events, mentions of mental struggles, mentions of unhealthy behavior.

#B What inspired you to create them?

Ok, this is the fourth time, i'm starting answering this question. Lets do it like that: I'll give a short safe answer and a long one, but with TW.

So, short answer: personal trauma and a few characters/situations from popular culture.

Now to the long one. When I started this blog, I promised to myself to keep it politics free. So I'll really try to make it the first and the last time.

First and the foremost important: I know, I'm not a victim in this situation. There are people out there, whos lives are turned to hell on earth, who don't know if they see the next sunrise. So my whining about 'feeling bad about it' means nothing, and it's not a request for compassion or pity. I know, I must be nothing but happy and grateful for my calm and full life. I promise, Im working on it.

Four years ago I moved from my country to Germany. A year and a half ago my country invaded a neighboring country and started a heinous, bloody war. A number of war crimes committed by my country is multiplied daily. Never before I thought, I could cry every day, for multiple times, could stop eating, struggle to sleep. I never had depression, don't know, how real emotional problems feel. But the start of that war changed something in me, because in a few months I started committing to some unhealthy thoughts and patterns. I absolutely understood the reasoning behind possible hate towards anyone with the same citizenship as mine, I still do. I know we must feel bad, guilty not till the end of the war, but for the rest of our lives. And I swear, I do. But at some point my hate, I channeled towards myself, started to be destructing. I couldn't get professional help, as it is complicated to express your feelings in another language. I understood, that I struggle to do anything other than read news and cry. And it's actually a problem, when you are a grown adult, who is supposed to work on a thesis, do an internship, fight your cats cancer and find a job. So I clutched my teeth and just tried everything to just keep going. And one of the things was finding a hobby and reanimating this old tumblr blog.

I liked almost everything in CoD. Almost, because there was Nikolai. My problem with Nikolai was that we shared an origin, yet he wasn't a bad guy in the story. And by the time I started falling down CoD hole - I was already neck deep into self neglect because of my origin and everything, that happened. So it frustrated me, he wasn't depicted, and he wasn't feeling himself as a bad man. So when any discourse on tumblr came to him - I usually just went completely silent. That was until I found two blogs writing beautiful stories about him. My initial reaction was 'ok, those people are just super-nice and maybe they don't know about where he comes from'. But then I read one story. And all the comments. And another story. And, once again, all the comments.

I was startled. I sat before my screen and just cried. Because I saw people, looking far beyond this characters country of origin. And they loved him for who he is. By no means he was a perfect, no, but they LOVED him, they gave zero fucks, where he was born, they cared for what he was actually doing.

And at some point I thought, I have something to say about the guy, I have a story about self-acceptance, acceptance of others around you, and it means a world to me right now, because it hurts so much.

So I opened new file and started talking to myself in it. And I manifested all the pain I was dealing to myself into this poor thing, my Zhar. At first, I didn't even let her have a name or an appearance in my head, because I thought, she never deserved it. I wanted her to entertain me and others, speak to Nikolai about trust and fears. The main role in a Heart was always Niks, as it was him, who practically said her 'hey, I know, it hurts. I know, it's really bad. But I'm here to accept you, to show, you still can do something good. And I'm here to love you on this way and beyond it'. It was the hardest message to write, because i myself still struggle to 'sit before a mirror' and say it all to myself. But maybe, just maybe, its a step in a right direction.

The more I wrote, the more details Zhar got. By the third chapter I already knew, how her voice sounds, how she looks. I didn't add it in the story to not spoil it.

I took inspirations from many characters, I deeply love. There is a bit of struggle of Senua from Hellblade, there is a bit of my favorite scene with Cersei from GoT, there are little droplets of Claire Underwood being uncanny and friendly at the same time. All my favorite things. I also bring together a small playlist for Zhar that helps me a lot. But thats that - her and my story. I wish, I could tell, it's just a self-insert, but sadly it's not, at least not in a traditional way.

#F What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

Well, now that I told her story, its only fair to admit - my heart is full of compassion for her. I wish I could hug her. I think, if I ever won her trust - we'd have quite a talk. I wish I could make it hurt not so bad, but I guess, its Nikolais work now. Hope, he doesn't give up on it.

[themainspoon]

I refuse to leave this in the notes:

I’m studying the social sciences, specifically Sociology and Anthropology, and one topic that used to come up earlier in my degree was what the differences between the “Natural” sciences and the “Social” sciences were, and there was never really a satisfying answer, until the fact that all science originated from philosophy came into discussion. That was when I finally understood that the only differences between the “hard” “objective” “natural” sciences and the “soft” “subjective” “social” sciences was their degree of separation from philosophy. “Hard sciences” have been able to seperate themselves from philosophy. Whereas the social sciences, those that study subjective reality, never will be able to fully seperate themselves from philosophy.

If you look at the job titles of many of the important figures in sociology, you will notice that many of them are also listed as philosophers. People like (to draw just a few names off the top of my head, far from exhaustive) Michael Foucault, Jean Baudrillard, Georg Simmel, and Zygmunt Bauman are all important figures in Sociology that were also philosophers, not in a way seperate from the ways they were sociologists, but in ways that are deeply linked and intertwined as to be inseparable. Foucault’s Discourse Theory is both a philosophical and sociological one simultaneously, the same is true of Baudrillard’s Hyper-Reality.

The “Hard” sciences can pretend to be seperate from philosophy, the “social” sciences cannot, nor should they. Philosophy is often treated as if it is academic nonsense, something for overpaid professors to shit out when they feel like it, a bunch of hypothetical bullshit disconnected from reality. But this could not be further from the truth, philosophy is the search for the answers to questions of extreme importance, it ventures where those interested in objectivity fear to tread. The study of the subjective and of questions that have no correct answers is perhaps more relevant to understanding the fabric of our lived realities than any form of objective knowledge ever could be.

(This is not to say that the hard sciences are unimportant, they are extremely important, but they cannot tell us much about the subjective worlds of meaning we live within.)

[ayearwithoutwater]

Twenty.

This past June, Nymphia Wind—winner of the most recent season of MTV’s RuPaul’s Drag Race—was interviewed by Joel Kim Booster for Gay Times. In their conversation, they discuss the trappings of being celebrities of Asian descent in the West, such as dating while Asian. Nymphia is succinct in her summation of the accompanying discourse: “Being Asian, you have to realize that you are…a type.”

It’s for similar reasons why I’ve come to disdain the “Gaysian” label. A portmanteau of “gay” and “Asian,” it’s a term I know to be broadly applied to any and all non-heterosexual people of (East) Asian descent. I don’t accept the necessity of the label, but I do begrudgingly accept that the label may be applied to me by people who know me only by my phenotype. However, let it be known: I may be gay, I may be Asian, but I am not a “Gaysian.” I am not a type.

This is manifested partly due to a disdain for "rice queens," as Nymphia and Joel call them. It is true that there is a subset of men who are not of Asian descent themselves but exclusively seek out Asian partners, and I've more or less spent the entirety of my dating career avoiding them. Being fetishized makes me uncomfortable.

I’ve often wondered whether this hyper-awareness is a problem of my own creation. In college, under the umbrella topics of scientific racism and capitalism, I sought to mold my undergraduate thesis as a rumination on the limitations imposed by such systems upon individual agency. I devised and read my own syllabus, seeking to put my assertions into conversation with Amy Tan, Franz Kafka, and Edward Said. Throughout this process, I ran into one singular idea, expressed by innumerable luminaries, over and over again: otherness. To be othered is to be ostracized; to be othered is to be misunderstood.

I understand why these classifications exist. I can even find use for social stratification, to convey information about groups of people strung together by even the flimsiest of commonalities, hopefully for a noble purpose. Nonetheless, when it comes to dating in particular, I resent being defined by my identity. I want to be wanted for who I am, not what I am. I know that this is a common complaint shared by many, and not just by those who look like me. It's not a novel concept.

Somewhat ironically, I realized that I was doing it too. When I tried using Hinge and other apps of the sort, I thought it would make dating easier if I gravitated primarily towards the men of my demographic. I assumed that our similar backgrounds would make for fertile common ground, shared experiences from which we might have drawn corresponding conclusions that would be precursory to having real chemistry between us. Although I didn't entirely write off going on dates with non-Asian men, the ones I did end up dating longer term were (not so) coincidentally of Asian descent: Malay Singaporean, Filipino American, Korean American, etc. None of them were rice queens and, for the most part, it sort of worked. I felt understood at a baseline level, and any real problems that did appear throughout those relationships came as a result of deeper-rooted issues.

I did wonder whether I precluded non-Asian partners out of fear that they would fetishize me just because they did not share my cultural background, but I did go on dates with them, too—I was willing to be an equal opportunist when it came to finding a partner. I thought that I needed to come to terms with the very real possibility that the love of my life may not be of Asian descent. Statistically speaking, it’s not an implausible outcome. I’m a resident of New York, a city not infamous for its lack of racial diversity, and it would be unrealistic to assume that I would never in my life date someone outside of my own demographic checkbox…unless I were actively preempting that possibility. So, I did it. I met some nice people, too, but those didn't work out either.

Somewhere along the way, when I interrogated my motives to determine the genesis of my fear of being misunderstood, I pinpointed an argument I’d had with Jun, my third boyfriend, during which he’d derided me for being “too Asian." In the three years that I gave him, he thought that I didn't show him enough affection, like a stereotypical Asian partner. Himself being of mixed White and Asian heritage, Jun was, in comparison, the “better” Asian, the enlightened one who gave away love for free because he supposedly wasn’t held back by the same assumptions that stunted me. 

In contrast, Henry, my fourth boyfriend and the man that succeeded Jun, never had that complaint. Although I was born in North America and Henry was born in Asia, we at least had in common the ways in which we were affectionate. We never overly gushed about each other, but we never felt the need to do so because it was a truth universally comprehended. Like Jun, Henry was also of mixed White and Asian heritage, but I thought he understood me better than Jun ever did, and I accredited that to him being more “Asian” by virtue of having spent most of his life on that side of the world, amongst the people there. I thought I related to him more because I’d spent half of my upbringing there, too.

In the aftermath of my breakup with Henry, I realized that I mainly searched for Asian partners because I wanted to avoid the same dust-ups that I’d had with Jun. I wanted the same easygoing partnership that I thought I’d had with Henry because it had felt more natural to me in comparison. I realized that I, like so many others, had allowed the trauma of my (very ugly) breakups seep into my subsequent relationships; I had felt that those relationships ended because I was misunderstood, because the men didn’t know me for who I truly am. Yet, while I attempted to circumvent being defined by my identity, being wanted because I was a type, I projected an assumption onto these other men: that they could not know me because they were not like me. But, in truth, my relationship with Henry had ended because I thought that he too echoed the stereotype of Asian men being unable, or unwilling, to express their emotional self. Disagreements with him often came about because I begged us to communicate better. Perhaps I was simply too American.

There's no happy ending here. Maybe I was too preoccupied with identity; love is as fickle as it is elusive, and all the more so when it is subject to all sorts of qualifiers. Thus, when my year without water came to a close, I found myself in a roundabout way starting back at square one: at a gay club watching Nymphia Wind perform, and catching a glimpse of Henry amongst the crowd of gay Asian men. If he saw me, I never knew—I pretended not to see him.

[fimproda]

given X is being taken down from Brazil, many fan accounts are posting their most non filter and that could cost them be cancelled thoughts fandom wise, so which are the ones you have for the fandoms you write about? If you want forward this ask to other blogs

Oh honey, I have too many.

Hit the read more button if you're ready to embark on this rage-filled journey with me.

Let's start with The Last Hours, which I'm expecting @zoyalannister to add to.

Spoilers up to Chain of Thorns because, duh.

I'm saying this as a cis person, so my opinion probably doesn't matter at all, but Anna was way better genderfluid/non-binary representation in Every Exquisite Thing than in the actual TLH books. I couldn't stand Anna's situationship with Ari as well; most importantly, Anna should have understood that Ari was justified in her fears around coming out in early 1900s London and supported her decision. Not everyone's parents are as open and accepting as Gabriel and Cecily were for Anna.

Speaking of which, I will never be able to comprehend why the Shadowhunter society in 1903 London was way more progressive than in 2007 New York. Matthew could do whatever the hell he wanted with that violinist werewolf without anyone batting an eye, but Alec had to endure rampant homophobia for daring to like Magnus. To be honest, Alec has always been a whiny existential bitch, but that's another matter entirely.

The discourse around Matthew's alcoholism and the way it was handled was, in a word, hideous. He's miraculously healed at the end of Chain of Thorns and he's about to embark on a world tour where, of course, he can be trusted not to touch a single drop of alcohol. Give me a fucking break. Cordelia not understanding that he had been drinking in Paris is just another stupid thing among the myriad stupid things Cordelia has ever said and/or done, but again, that's another can of worms I'm unwilling to open at the moment.

The scene where Matthew explains what he did to Charlotte two years earlier (three years earlier? Man, I don't even recall) only being mentioned en passant is a fucking crime and Cassandra Clare should be held accountable for that.

Sona should have died in childbirth and Charlotte shouldn't have become pregnant (or been able to become pregnant) (with twins!) at her age. The former is just dumb, seeing as, again, we're in the early 20th century, in the London Shadowhunter society, and it had already been a difficult pregnancy, so all signs pointed towards Sona ultimately kicking the bucket; the latter is unnecessary and only serves as a means to, I don't know, heal Charlotte and Henry (and, I suspect, Matthew) from the pain of losing their child a couple of years earlier.

What Grace suffered at Tatiana's hands was one step removed from being actual child prostitution, and Grace should have been the one to kill Tatiana. You know what, I'm not even elaborating on this. If Zoya wants to, she can have this one for herself.

CHRISTOPHER SHOULD NOT HAVE DIED. We've gone from bury your gays to bury your scientists (those who have read Rule of Wolves know who else I'm talking about) and bury your neurodivergent representation. There's a literal interlude titled "Grief" in the book and Christopher is not even the object of that grief: the characters are grieving TWO STILL LIVING PEOPLE that have only had the misfortune of ending up in a demon dimension. Kit is constantly mocked and belittled by his "friends", even though he's the reason why they're still alive and why Matthew can go about withdrawal symptoms painlessly and safely. Fucking hell.

And about Christopher's death, don't come at me and say that the family tree was always meant to be wrong. I would've accepted that explanation if it had been the one given in the actual book, but instead, we got Esme walking alongside his coffin and still writing him alive, married to Grace and having two children in her Shadowhunter family tree because, like, she shipped them together?

Jesse should've stayed a ghost and his and Lucie's relationship is gross, inappropriate, and borderline paedophilic. I'm not saying any more than this; they don't deserve it.

Finally, Chain of Thorns was a trash fire of a book. Terribly paced, terribly written, and terribly thought-out in general. I will never be able to delete from my mind that ghastly scene (Cecily yelling because Tatiana has taken Alexander hostage) being written THREE TIMES IN THREE DIFFERENT POINTS OF VIEW. It doesn't work on paper, and I'll go so far as to say that it doesn't work on screen either, not when it's so packed with tension and you instinctly know something bad is about to happen. Reading that shattered my suspension of disbelief to such a degree that I felt myself leave my body, look at myself from the ceiling of my own room, and realize that, no matter what I do, I'll always be a better writer than that.

Now, ACoTaR.

Rhysand is a terrible High Lord. I've already said it once or twice on this blog, but I'll never get tired of saying it. His territory is basically split into three parts and he barely rules over one; he's the mayor of Velaris more than the High Lord of the Night Court. He has all the time and power to destroy the patriarchal, mysoginistic, overall violent and abusive social structure of both Illyria and the Court of Nightmares, he just doesn't want to.

Mor is shady as fuck and I don't trust her one bit. I'm fully expecting her to betray the Night Court and/or the Inner Circle in the coming books. The only reason why I ship her with Emerie is because she needs someone who can slap her across the face in sets of two until they add up to an odd number in order to destroy her and then rebuild her from scratch, because that's what she needs.

Amren should've stayed dead, and the High King thing she tried to push on Rhysand is a fuming pile of horseshit. Period.

No one, and I mean no one, in the series is a fully good or fully bad character. Not enough people understand this in the fandom, I'm afraid. Everyone has virtues and flaws: it's the balance between them, and the choices the characters make, that define them as a fundamentally positive or fundamentally negative person. Everyone is allowed to make mistakes, just as everyone is allowed to repent, apologize, and try to make things right.

Double standards are a plague in this fandom. For instance, in ACoSF, Rhysand did to Feyre a significantly worse thing than Tamlin ever did to her in ACoMaF, and I hardly ever see people holding Rhys accountable for that the way they do Tamlin. Rhysand doesn't get a pass just because he's Feyre's mate. The fact that Feyre forgave him makes things right between them in the narrative, but doesn't stop us readers from having a meta-literary conversation on this or another topic.

A couple arguing, not seeing eye to eye on something, having different opinions, et cetera does not mean that they shouldn't be together, that one character is a terrible mate for the other, that they're toxic and bla bla bla. It's just how relationships work. I see this with Nessian all the time and I can't fucking stand it. Do people seriously expect two hotheads like that to be all rainbows hearts flowers and kitty cats? Arguing is foreplay for them, for fuck's sake.

Which leads me to: Cassian isn't a bad mate for Nesta just because he doesn't take her side in a fight. Maybe, just maybe, he doesn't agree with her in that particular context. It can be argued that he always takes Rhysand's side, which is true, but fucking hell, do people have any idea how Cassian and Rhysand's lives are intertwined? How much does Cassian owe Rhys? How many years (centuries!) of history they're both acting upon? Do they think it's easy for Cassian to stand up to his brother, his companion of five centuries, his fucking High Lord?! I still maintain Cassian should tell Rhys to go fuck himself and stop being such a little shit (to Nesta and in general), don't misunderstand me; at the same time, though, I believe there are complex psycho-sociological elements at work, and I wouldn't like to be in Cassian's shoes. This is what I meant when I said that everyone is a complex character and we as readers should treat them as such: we're allowed to like a character and still criticize some of their choices, and to hate a character and still appreciate some things they've said or done.

I'm done with Velaris, Illyria and the Court of Nightmares. I want to see other parts of the Night Court. I want to see other courts. I want to see the continent. Please, Sarah, let us out of the borders of Night. Please.

The books (ACoTaR, ToG, CC, everything ever written by SJM) suffer from a severe case of bad press. They're not "fairy porn". They're not badly written. They don't send a wrong message like some other romances do. As a fandom (and, collectively, as readers), I believe we've strayed too much in one direction or the other, considering these books as either the ugliest abomination the printing industry has ever produced or the next Nobel Literature prize. They aren't either. They're silly, goofy things that still manage to be interesting, heart-wrenching, and fun.

If anyone has beef with anything I said, please come into my inbox and air it all out. I can't promise I'll reply readily because, as always, I'm studying for my last two exams and I'll be starting thesis work in a few weeks, but I'll certainly answer you sooner or later and show you exactly how and why you're wrong. (I'm kidding.) (Am I?)