#no more Tartar :o[ sorry I eated it all

[commandertartarsmoocher]

can I be honest with you:3 tartars pole looks so gnawable thank you for listening:3

You know what, you are absolutely correct.

In general I think I could eat the telephone in its entirety... Every piece of metal having it's own unique flavor profile... And there's a turquoise dipping sauce for free too!

Mmmh... Delicious!

[the sound of teeth being obliterated can be heard in the background]

[aib-au-official]

Whumptober 2023

Day 2- Thermometer/delirium/"They don't care about you"

Eight shivered violently beneath the covers as she tried and failed to fall back asleep. She didn’t understand… How could she be feeling so bad when the doctors had said she was well enough to leave the hospital? She’d been eating more healthy foods, and actually taking the time to rest, and making sure the burn on her back was covered at all times. How did she end up sick? Not just that, but how did she end up so sick that she was right back where she started, bedridden and weak and now feeling as if her insides were boiling while the rest of her froze?

Moving hurt. Even turning her head to the side hurt. She tried to slide down farther under the blankets but it was no use. It was too much movement for too little of a result, as she simply could not stop shivering. If she could just sleep, it would all go away for a while. But she couldn’t. She was too hot and too cold at the same time, and far too achey to even think about sleep. If only Pearl and Marina could help… But they didn’t understand what was going on.

“Hey, Eight? You still alive under there?” Pearl asked, her voice muffled from Eight's head being hidden under the blankets. Eight could only respond with a weak groan.

"I'll take that as a no." Pearl joked. She approached the side of Eight's bed and sat down on the edge, "Sorry, girl. I know bein' sick sucks." Eight would've nodded in agreement, but her head hurt too much to move it.

"Lift up your tongue for a sec. Gotta see if that fever's gone down any." Pearl said. Eight did as she was asked and let the petite inkling slip the end of an electronic thermometer in her mouth. A few seconds later when it beeped, Pearl removed it and let out a sigh.

"Shit. Still way too warm…" she muttered, "Hang on, I'mma go see if 'Rina knows any way to cool you down faster. I'll be right back."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn't even a minute after Pearl left that Eight finally managed to fall asleep. Yet unlike what she hoped, it was anything but restful. She dreamed she was back down in the Metro, as many of her recent dreams had been. Nightmares, every single one of them.

This time she dreamed she was alone on the dark platform where she'd first awoken. All around her was a sea of that sickly green ink. She stood, unarmed, on the only magenta spot in the area, barely big enough to fit both feet inside of.

"Welcome back, 10,008." The horribly familiar voice of Tartar spoke from somewhere in the room, "This next test is one designed specifically for you, and was meant to be impassable. You were not supposed to survive. Now you will pay for your defiance by joining the other failed test subjects."

One by one, Sanitized Octolings emerged from the Ink until Eight was completely surrounded. Each one had a yellow bracelet and anklet like she did, though the numbers were gone from all of them. Their cold, dead hands groped and grabbed at Eight's body, making her feel like she was burning every time one of them touched her. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry out for Pearl and Marina, for someone to help her… but her voice wouldn't work. Ice cold and burning liquid stuck to her skin as she was dragged down, down into the deadly green ink.

Eight looked up to see her new friends standing there beside Tartar, who had now appeared in person. They didn’t move to help. They just stood there and watched Eight suffer. A voice, growing louder with each word, spoke inside Eight's head, in her own voice.

They don't care about you.

They hate you.

You're just a burden to them. Always have been.

They don't care.

"Stop fighting." Pearl said.

They don't care.

"You'll only hurt worse. If you struggle." Marina said.

They don't care.

"Let go. Just let go. It's over."

It's over

It's over

They don't care

Y o u ' r e b e t t e r o f f d e a d…

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Eight! Stop fighting!" Pearl demanded, struggling to hold down the feverish octoling, even sitting on top of her.

"Please, Eight, you're only going to make it worse by struggling!" Marina begged, "Let go of my hand and just let me—!"

She happened to have some medicine that would provide some relief from the concerningly high fever Eight was running, but it had to be rubbed on the skin and clearly whatever Eight was dreaming about made that impossible.

"Eight! Snap out of it! Wake up! It's just us!" Pearl lightly tapped Eight's cheek in an attempt to gently but quickly rouse her from the nightmare. It took a few tries, but eventually she jerked to the side and her eyes snapped open. Her face was flushed bright red and she was drenched in sweat. She looked absolutely terrified as she tried to remember where she was. When Pearl and Marina's worried faces came into focus, she felt both relief and another wave of panic coming on. She tried to squirm away, but all the strength was gone from her body, and all she could do was lie there as she broke down in tears. All sound was drowned out by her thundering triple heartbeats, and she was shaking even more than she had been before.

"Easy, girl. You're okay." Pearl reached out to comfort her, "It was just a dream."

Eight couldn’t stop herself from lunging at her, throwing her arms around the tiny squid and just letting the tears fall. She was scared. She was sick. She was way too hot (Pearl was nice and cool, though). And her whole body ached worse than anything she recalled feeling before.

"It's okay, Eight. You're safe. And Rina's got some stuff that'll help you feel better." Pearl assured her.

"It's going to feel a little odd, but it should help with the fever for the time being. Then we can figure out what's going on and why the cold medicine isn't working." Marina said. She worried that Eight might have some kind of infection, and that's why regular cold medicine isn't helping much. If that's the case then she and Pearl would need to be careful. But for now all that mattered was helping Eight to not be in pain, and for that, simply dealing with the fever would hopefully be sufficient.

[eluxcastar]

First off, the new blog is so ✨️aesthetic✨️ I wanna eat it.

Second (since you're requests are still open)

Hear me out- Fatui Harbingers with a "tsundere" s.o

Or just Arlecchino,sandrone, and Childe with a "tsundere" s.o if that's easier!

Harbingers with a tsundere s/o

── ୨୧：harbingers x reader

୨୧﹑synopsis :: me and my wavering ability to speak properly going off my head again about reader's absolute tomfoolery

୨୧﹑content :: gn reader, probably not actually tsundere reader atp, reader could be touch-starved

୨୧﹑words :: 1k

firstly thank you dear anon I'm still in love with this theme it just hits

ok so maybe this isn't totally tsundere reader (mostly because I find the trope insufferable I'm sorry) but it is kind of tsundere. it's the less explicitly rude type just swimming in egypt and unable to communicate

Let's go lowest to highest again and start with our favourite ginger Harbinger, Tartare Sauce. Tartaglia would find your antics entertaining, aware of your feelings as he always is but unwilling to give you the easy way out, provoking you, if anything, with little gestures and notes of affection to get your heart racing. Tartaglia treats it like a habit that you don't like to let him know how much you like his touch, though Tartaglia knows you treasure him. You just don't like it when he interrupts your work. That's when he gets a real earful.

Arlecchino thinks of your demeanour as an endearing trait, choosing to smile and go along with it, though both of you know that she knows the truth. Arlecchino will listen to your objections and laugh a little before making a knowing remark like, "Right, I forgot, you have no interest in kisses from me." just to watch you squirm and try to hint at her that you would like some after all. Still, you just can't bring yourself to say it without work, all to earn a kiss on the cheek as your precious reward.

Pantalone is liberal with his love for you despite your denial as he revels in every break of your facade. You are a challenge that he enjoys every encounter with, even when your rejection turns to wrath. It is a special moment of will he or won’t he does when Pantalone is faced with the idea of you tackling him to the couch in a fit over him interrupting your work. Pantalone does not mind if you get feisty and start to fight more than usual, became he laughs it off and carries on to melt that icy heart of yours with a little more warmth.

More than anything, La Signora thinks you are adorable like this. She will let you run around like a mouse chasing a block of cheese, then throw her love in here and there to see you become flustered. You like to deny that you want things from her until she does it, and then, suddenly, you don’t want her to stop. Signora thinks your displays of pouty resistance are endearing and doesn't like to leave you quiet—if you're not mad at her, she wasn't enough. However, she does wish that you are satisfied and often manages to talk you into giving some back.

As for Sandrone, she is a similar case. She doesn't want to admit she secretly wants to cuddle you every night, she just does it, and you better not dare draw attention to it, or you won't receive cuddles for the rest of the night. You have to be a little braver and work your way up to it because hell will freeze over before Sandrone becomes eager to budge. She takes your idea of a request surprisingly well, pushing it to start asking where your nighttime cuddles went, mostly because she stole your habit and asks what happened to her kisses when you’ve been slacking for too long.

Someone like Scaramouche wouldn't just give you what you want if you're going to behave like you won't. You have to work for it, and he won't be taking pity on you until you do. Scara would be willing to deprive you of everything because, secretly, he's a little bit more like you than he'd like to admit, though he's just mean. Scaradouche will have more patience for you as his lover but certainly not pity. He enjoys watching you think about it and consider your options, seeing the deliberation in your head, because he knows you want to, and that gratifies him.

Capitano's whipped nature on your side fr. You say leap he asks how high, so when you make a point to very subtly imply that you would like cuddles, you will be receiving them. You will end up smothered in that big coat of his where it's cozy and warm because he doesn't want you to get cold, even if you want that in public where he will gladly take it entirely off to wrap around you with a kiss on your forehead. It'll get you grumbling, but at least you'll not freeze to death doing it and probably be found wrapped up fast asleep in it later.

Columbina treats it like a funny little voice nagging at her and hardly pays attention to your attitude when she's smothering you. She does not give a shit. She'll find a way to shut you up about it quickly because Columbina knows damn well that you want to be doted on and just don't know how to admit it. She only asks to tease you and watch you get all flustered about it.

Next up, we’ve got Dottore, and by god, guess what, bb? You get to suffer because if you can’t articulate what you want, you’re not gonna get it. He will leave you to wallow in your own inability to admit the things you want from him because he likes it when you get to the point that you realise you have no choice but to initiate things and hope for the best. It depends entirely on his mood whether he draws attention to it or not because one of those means that he’s busy, and the other acknowledges that he can be a bit too cruel with how far he lets it go.

Pierro has absolutely no time for your shit. He may have all the time in the world rn, but he's old and fossilising and not a chance does he want to spend it on the intricacies of your emotional complexes. Sorry, but he’s damn well busy. Pierro doesn’t have time to pick apart whether you do or do not want to be kissed goodbye every morning or pampered for a bit when he gets home. Once you start mumbling out one response, it stays until you switch up and start asking where your goodbye kiss went because until then, you’ll be getting no more than a forehead kiss in your sleep before he leaves that you’re not fully conscious for just so you know he hasn’t forgotten you, maybe even helps you to sleep in a little better.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

The last thing we need is for Y/N to go feral- XD Anyway, can I ask for some headcanons where Malleus, Rook, Vil, Silver, and Trey have to take care of their fem s/o after she turns into an actual cat please (lab accident, or spell gone wrong)? Thank you!

You can read S/O goes feral/acts like a wild animal headcanons here!

Curiouser and Curiouser...

... Honestly, with how powerful of a magician Malleus is, he could restore you to your usual human form right away The only reason he doesn’t is because you tell him you want to see what life is like as a cat. Your wish surprises him, but he respects your desire and allows you to do as you please until you are ready to return. That whimsy of yours never ceases to amuse him.

Night time strolls are a staple! You faithfully follow Malleus as he traverses the camps in the evenings, sometimes scampering ahead to lead the way through the darkness. Your eager attitude never fails to draw a chuckle from him as he allows his partner to guide him, just as much as he guides you.

Malleus likes to keep you resting in his lap during meetings (well, the ones they remember to invite him to). Because of his overwhelming aura, he has scared off a few mob students that walked in and saw him menacingly stroking a cat in his lap while listening in on a briefing. Malleus unintentionally gives off the vibes of a James Bond villain--

For your food, Malleus personally roasts your meat for you in his magical green flames. It’s a little act of love meant to add a bit of flare and pizzazz to your meals!

There’s a game you like playing together, similar to how you’d play with a cat and a laser pointer pen back home. In a dimly lit location, Malleus will summon his little green fairy lights, and it’s your job to try and catch them all as fast as you can!

Rook decides to let you run loose!! Night Raven College is your new hunting grounds—and your playground—to enjoy! He’ll follow you close behind, just to keep a watchful eye as you explore in your new body.

You bet he brings his camera with him to tail you. Rook can’t miss out on this rare opportunity to catch come pictures of you chasing butterflies and pawing at his pant leg to get his attention. Moments like these need to be captured on film so you can one day look back on this time and reminisce!

Oh, Rook adores how your fur tousles and fluffs up when you run about! He loves ruffling your fur up himself just as much, and makes sure to get in a good head pat, kiss, or tickle in whenever he can~

This man is savage. He straight up harpoons fish or shoots wild field mice and, on one knee, offers them to you as fresh food or “tokens of his undying affection”.

No one messes with you while you’re out exploring (mostly because Rook sneaks up behind them with a murderous smile to prevent them from raining on your parade). It’s a taste of freedom you haven’t had in a while, and you get to enjoy every second of it thanks to your guardian huntsman watching you from both near and afar.

Vil’s determined to safeguard you and not let you out of his sight until you return to normal. In fact, he picks out a hand bag that’s just the right size for you to fit in, and brings you with him to class and to his various acting and modeling gigs!

Nothing but the best for you, no matter what your form. Vil ensures that the production assistants on set fetch you healthy but nutritious and high quality meals, and crisp, clean water to drink.

He prepares a special litter box for you that is styled like a canopy bed with curtains. Vil thinks it is unseemly to “use the facilities” so openly, so he specifically chose a design that comes with opaque curtains. That way, you can step in and use the litter box discreetly.

He pampers you from head to claw! Just because you’re a cat doesn’t mean his darling shouldn’t look their best. Vil will wash you, dry you off, brush your fur, and file your nails to perfection. You’ll look like you just came off the cat walk when he’s done with you!

After a long, hard day, Vil embraces you and mutters his grievances into your fur. He finds comfort in your soft, small form, finding that you’re so much more well-mannered and behaved than Leona “brutish wild cats”.

Silver likes keeping you close to him at all times--specifically, close to his chest. He likes the feeling of having something small, fuzzy, and warm near and dear to his heart... but he has to be careful when he’s holding you, because he tends to fall asleep when he gets that comfortable!

He doesn’t trust anything that Lilia whips up for you. Silver marches straight off to the Mystery Shop to purchase some premium canned tuna for you because he knows it’s safe from being tainted by his dad.

He makes sure you get your exercise in by playing with you! That could mean joining him for a jog, or batting a teaser as Silver swings it around. Sometimes you get so into it that you completely miss the toy and pounce on him instead, and you both end up tumbling into the grass, laughing.

Not all days are high energy, though. Silver has times when he just wants to be lazy and relax with you. He’ll scout out a shaded area underneath a tree with a perfect sun spot not too far off for you--and there you’ll be parked for the rest of the afternoon, soaking up the mild weather.

Silver loves soft and fluffy things, so he’s always patting or squishing you in some way or another. He especially likes to nuzzle his face against yours and squeeze your little jelly bean paws... It’s so therapeutic!

First thing’s first, Trey’s clearing the kitchen and the immediate vicinity of foods that cats can’t eat. That means grapes, chocolates, onions, garlic... He doesn’t want you getting sick or hurt!

Trey’s not as good at cooking as he is at baking—but he knows enough to throw together some raw fish and spices to make a special tuna tartare (garnished with a basil leaf). He uses his handy-dandy food processor for the job while you sit at his side, waiting for the tuna to finish churning. It’s adorable watching your ears and nose twitch in anticipation!

After you’re done eating, Trey helps you brush and floss your teeth. He’s not exactly sure if cats need to take care of their dental hygiene to the same extent as humans, but it’s better safe than sorry!

When you’re indoors, Trey follows you around with a lint roller or a vacuum cleaner to clean up any stray cat hairs. He also keeps you away from curtains and furniture--anything that could be damaged by your claws! Riddle would throw a fit if you damaged anything!

Trey fusses over you as his dorm members attempt to get a head pat, cuddle, or a selfie in with your cute kitty self! He claims it’s because they’re causing you trouble, and while that’s true, he’s not being entirely truthful, either. He’s actually a little jealous that he has to share you, too!

[honeymoonjin]

𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕠𝕟𝕖

𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 eventual yoonji x reader, reader x ??? || 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 2k || 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆 crack

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 your new roommates may be a little odd, but it’s fine, we’re all only human.... right?

𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 cursing, mentions of blood

𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑣 || 𝑛𝑒𝑥𝑡 || 𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

many thanks to @jamaisjoons for the gorgeous banner, she really is the best thank you to @honey-boyyoongi​ for beta reading this and helping immensely with storyboarding and brainstorming xx

--

“So: why are you wanting to rent the room here?”

You tilt your head in confusion at the intimidating look the boy across from you is trying to send. “Because… I would like a place to stay?”

He nods with a scoff, eyebrow quirking. “I bet that’s what you want us to believe.”

You blink. “Are you not-? I’m sorry, I thought the ad said you were looking for a roommate. I’m pretty sure this is the right address.”

“Or is it?” He leans forward on the couch, resting an elbow on his grey sweatpant-clad knee. You stare blankly at him as he holds his eyes open, widening them as the lashes flicker. Finally, after a couple of moments of uncomfortable silence, his eyes blink shut for the slightest second and the stern facade drops, him sighing in defeat. “Fine! Okay, you win, you can stay. Rent is one hundred and twenty a week.”

Your attention is caught by the woman sitting next to him, who perks up at this, breaking her apathy to look over in curiosity. “You pay a hundred and twenty every week?” A disbelieving smile stretches across her face as she glances across the young boy to the man on his other side. “Jin, you’re an asshole.”

The third member on the couch shrugs, disturbing the chunky cat that rests its head on his shoulder. “It’s my house. Anyways, Jeanine, was it?”

“Y/n-”

“Margaret, our rules are simple here. Do your share of the cleaning and don’t ask questions. No pets except for Vlad. She’s a vicious hunter and doesn’t like to share.” He pauses for effect, as the tubby grey cat snuffles and readjusts herself, thick paws stretching out. “When she’s… When she’s not asleep,” Jin explains.

Your mouth opens and closes again slowly. The man in the middle senses your unease.

“Great,” he declares dramatically, “you’ve scared her off with Vlad. I told you.”

You knit your eyebrows together. “No, that’s not the problem. I just… You said don’t ask questions but I have, um, several. I don’t even know your names.”

The woman, who had returned to lounging back against the chair of the sofa, sits back up again with an unreadable depth in her black eyes. “Names have power, girl.”

“This is Yoonji,” the boy supplies helpfully, ignoring the hissing noise that comes from the back of the lady’s throat. “I’m Jungkook, and that’s Jin. We’re all super friendly, I promise. And you can ask questions, just not...questions, you know? Like for example if you saw a red superhero suit in my closet you wouldn’t ask me about it just in case I was Spiderman.”

You blink. “Right.”

“I mean, in this case my suit is just for dress-up, I’m not actually Spiderman, but you get me, right? I could be. Does that make sense?”

You pause, unsure how to respond.

Yoonji sighs and raises a perfectly arched brow, her disapproving pout even more prominent with a solid matte layer of the darkest velvet red lipstick. “If I wrote a list of all the things you’ve said that make sense, I’d already be done.” Her gaze flitters to you and you can’t help but gulp in reflex. “Y/n, don’t meddle and we can all coexist here.”

“O-okay, sure, that’s fine. Thank you guys for letting me stay, I really appreciate it.”

Jungkook grins, glancing back and forth happily between his two roommates. “I told you this was a great idea! We’re gonna have so much fun. Let’s do a game night tonight and get to know each other better.”

“Ah!” Jin calls out cheerily, standing with a flourish. “Let’s play Cards Against the Humans, that’s my favorite! I’ll make some jjajangmyeon for us.”

Jungkook bites his lip, staring up at the handsome man, who wears what looks like a very expensive silk bathrobe, patterned with purple flowers. “Jin, are you gonna add… you know?”

“Why else would I eat it? I have to get my five pints a day.” the man declares in a matter-of-fact tone.

Jungkook widens his eyes meaningfully, jerking his head at you, but Jin doesn’t relent. Eventually, Jungkook sighs, and turns to you. “Anyway, Y/n… Can I call you Y/n?”

“That is my name.”

Jungkook ignores his two roommates who both leave out of boredom; Yoonji slinking silently like a cat, disappearing up the stairwell at the back of the house, and Jin hustling down the hallway fast enough so that his robe billows out behind him. “Just sign the lease and I’ll show you around. Jin and Ji like eating dinner before the sun goes down.” He leans in conspiratorially. “They pretend like they’re having an early night, but I totally hear them sneaking out. I think Jin has a penchant for clubbing, and Ji is probably out howling at the moon or something. Or summoning Satan. Who knows. Anyways, I’ll find you a pen to sign. Is a quill okay? We’re out of ballpoints.”

--

As it turns out, your room is on the second floor. The house itself is impressive, an old gothic two-storey refitted with modern facilities and littered with small details that speak to its occupants; unfortunately, it’s too dark for you to make out what any of these things may be.

Heavy curtains are draped across all the visible windows, the same deep red as the carpet, an odd marbling effect across the fabric. There’s a trail of sconces that lead down the corridor below and up the stairwell, fitted with LED lights in the shapes of flames, flickering in an artificial orange glow. You stumble up the stairs, so plushly lined with carpet that not a single step creaks, and blindly follow the white of Jungkook’s baggy t-shirt through an open doorway, swallowed in black before he flicks the lights on.

“Home, sweet home,” he chimes, flourishing an arm to display the modest bedroom. A double bed lies undressed with a pile of folded linen resting at the end of it, the only other furniture being a small nightstand and a dresser with a mirror, covered in an old, discoloured sheet. He gives a weak smile. “I know it doesn’t seem like much, but… You’re more than welcome to redecorate however you want. The door to your right is the bathroom, and the one across is Yoonji’s bedroom.”

You blink. “Wait, I- Am I sharing it with her? Your ad said a personal bathroom.”

“Oh, Yoonji doesn’t use the bathroom,” he explains easily, taken off-guard when your face crumples up in disgust. “No! Not like that, she just… There’s an ensuite in her room. She has the master bedroom. Sorry, I should’ve phrased that better.”

You sigh in relief. “Okay, right, that makes sense. So you and Jin are on the first floor?”

“Me, yes. Jin has the basement.” He steps forward, flopping himself onto the bare mattress. Staring at the ceiling, he yawns. “So, what made you pick this place? We ran the ad for almost a year and never had an applicant until you.”

Your eyes widen. “Seriously? I just took it up because it was the only place close to uni I could afford. You really are paying $120 a week? The ad said it was $50 all-inclusive.”

Jungkook’s eyes go cloudy. “Hm. I think Jin and I need to have words.” He sits up and twists his torso to face you, eyebrows narrowed in suspicion, though not directed at you. “What else did this ad say? The other two haven’t let me read it.”

You go to answer, but you’re cut off by a long, primal yell, echoing up the stairs. You turn, staring back through the door way in the direction of the sound. “Are they okay?”

When you turn back, Jungkook has hopped up off of your bed, hitching up his sweatpants and rushing over to the doorway, barreling past you. “Jin says it’s dinnertime,” he calls out as he passes.

“Wha-?” You let the air settle from his sudden absence, taking a moment of silence for yourself. “Holy fuck,” you murmur, “what have I gotten myself into?”

—

Dinner is an awkward affair. You had expected this for the fact that you don’t really know them. You hadn’t expected that it would be because of Jin’s eccentric cooking.

Though he prepared the meal, it’s not him that sits at the head of the table. Yoonji, in a velvet black turtleneck and dark wash jeans, impatiently drumming on the mahogany surface.

You sit to her right, with Jungkook directly across from you staring intently at the bowl of steaming ramen that lies between you. Unsure whether you should make conversation with the two others that seem completely uncaring of your presence, you watch him fall into a near-catatonic state, the only thing that moves is his nostrils flaring at the rich smell.

“Boner petite!” You crane your neck as Jin enters from the kitchen behind you, a frilly apron reading Kiss the Cook! tied securely around his slender waist. In one hand is a plate of cuts of raw beef, the delicate pattern of silver fat marbled through speaking to its price, and in the other is a gravy jug. “Dinner is served.”

“Do you mean bon appetit?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Yoonji. Anyway, here we go. Susan, help yourself.”

You thank him awkwardly, not bothering to correct him on your name again. You stare in confusion at the offerings as he takes his seat beside Jungkook, who’s already descended on the noodles like a man starved. “...Um, do you have a barbecue set or something?”

Jin, tongs gripped around a thick slab, still dripping with blood. “What for?”

“For the meat…” You trail off as he lifts up the dangling strip, resting it in his mouth and sucking out the fluid obscenely, closing his eyes in enjoyment. “Never mind.”

“Jin used to be a real chef, you know,” Jungkook explains cheerily, using his bare fingers to pick out some thinner slivers to add on top of his ramen, “he’s shown us so many fancy foods. Like steak tartare. You want some?”

You try to suppress the shiver that runs through your body at the thought of raw meet squishing between your teeth. “I think I’ll stick with ramen.”

Yoonji tucks her raven-black hair behind her ears, exposing the piercings that run up the length of them. “Come on, Jungkook, don’t hog the meat, you pig.” She wrestles the tray out from underneath his hands and slides it right beside her, delicately plucking off more than half of what remains. “Can you pass the sauce?”

Your attention is drawn back to the other end of the table, where Jin is pouring a thick sauce into his bowl, reddy-brown like a mix between barbecue sauce and chilli.

“What is that?” you question curiously, watching it get passed down to Jungkook - who takes a big helping, wiping the spout with a finger and sucking it off absentmindedly - and finally arrives in Yoongi’s hands, the fine china clinking against the metal of her rings.

“Sauce,” she answers flatly. “What does it look like?”

Jungkook bites his lip, looking sheepish. “It’s, uh, very iron-heavy. Yoonji has anemia. It’s an acquired taste, but it’s good. I used to get sick all the time when I first started having this but now I feel better than ever. Want some? Oh- Yoonji, why didn’t you save any for Y/n?”

“It’s okay,” you assure hurriedly, “really, I’m a, um, I have a low immune system so I won’t, um, risk getting sick.”

“Low immune system, hm?” Yoonji fixes her dark gaze on you as she stirs in the sauce with a single chopstick. “You don’t have HIV, do you? Hep B?”

“N-no.” You frown at her. “I don’t have any diseases or anything.”

“Good to know.” Without further comment, she twirls a thick clump of ramen around her chopsticks and shovels it into her mouth, the dark sauce collecting at the corners of her lips, almost the same shade as her lipstick.

Thankfully, while you don’t have a refined-enough palate like the other three, you greatly enjoy the ramen. Perfectly savoury and moreish, cooked to perfection and with just enough broth to keep them hot while you eat. “I really appreciate you letting me stay,” you announce to the table, “and for cooking this wonderful meal. I’m looking forward to getting to know you guys better!”

--

It’s short, but I really wanted to see how you guys like it! It’s a little different, I know it’s just pure crack atm but I swear we have plot (including feelings, angst, fluff, the works) to come xxx let me know your thoughts!!

[skgway]

1825 June, Thurs. 30

6 3/4

12 50/60

Steph, after having called on my aunt, came at 10, to tell us his opinion – He thinks more favorably of her this morning and hopes she will be able to bear a gentle course of medicine – Says her liver is affected – It is torpid, and there is a scarcity, I think he said, of bile – He will try the blue pill, of which Mr. D– [Duffin] approves, and thinks Steph talks very sensibly – 

They both agree we had best try Buxton, after my aunt has taken Steph’s prescription for about 3 weeks at home – After which, and on seeing the effect of B– [Buxton] (which cannot be guessed at under a fortnight) we shall be better [al?] how to decide about abroad or not, etc. etc. – 

Read aloud great part of this mornings York Chronicle – Mr. D– [Duffin] and I went out at 12 – Called and sat a while with my aunt – Then at the Belcombes’ – Where Mr. D– [Duffin] left me to go to Hornor at 2 – Sat talking to Mrs. B– [Belcombe]. Steph and his wife seem to have exceeded their income by five hundred a year ever since they were married in the spring of eighteen hundred and sixteen and she owed nine hundred pounds before out of her nine per annum. I suppose from this they owe between five and six thousands. 

Mrs. B[elcombe] settled the allowance Harriet was to have for housekeeping at forty pounds a month. Steph paying for liquors, servants, wages, coals, house, rent, and taxes and she could not make it do. Why did they enter into dinner parties with ladies? But they might retrieve if they would but manage better etc. etc. 

Louisa sent down a message to say she should be glad to see me upstairs – She told me π [Mariana] was blinded. Harriet Milne had so completely thrown dust in her eyes she now took her part and blamed Mrs. Steph. It was Mrs. Milnes flirting with Mr. Meene that caused all the disagreeables and from Lou’s account I cannot hesitate to think Mrs. M[ilne] the bane of all their comfort, and that her conduct can never be depended on. 

Said Lou, ‘What will become of us if anything happens to my father? I shall go to my uncle.’ I said she was right but in the meantime should watch Mrs. M[ilne] narrowly. Assume the authority of virtue over vice and never let her stir without her, but mamma too is blinded. Her uncle had told her he never [saw] a womans feelings so easily excited as Mrs. M[ilne]’s. 

Lou would not have gone to Hull with her and Mr. Meene, but if she had not Anne would, and this would not have done – Mrs. M[ilne] got up one morning at six and met Mr. Meene downstairs, I fancy at or near the water closet, for Eliza suspecting something had watched. On Steph’s having noticed how early Mr. Meene had got up, ‘yes’ he said, ‘to go to the news room’. And on inquiry Steph found he had never been there. 

Steph thought of all this at first but now his eyes were blinded too. Lou insinuated that Mrs. M[ilne] had committed not only once, or even twice. Said nothing criminal could be proved. Said Lou, I don't know that if one may judge from writing more foolish. She said I to be so unguarded as to trust to paper at all rates. 

A second time she said it was well Mrs. M[ilne] and Mrs. Meene had quarrelled, for if Harriet had gone to the Broms something would have happened. She thought she did not like 𝛿 [Charles Lawton] and was safe at Lawton. Ah said I, I don't know that, The only day she was at Haugh End she rode above twenty miles with Major Priestly and told him she should be most happy to come and stay with them. I hope, said I, for Mary P[riestley]’s sake she will not. 

On this something was said about π [Mariana]. I somehow mentioned the three steps business last September, but one on blackstone edge. Said I should never forget it and hinted that our ever being together was very doubtful. Anne came and interrupted us.

I soon took my leave, but Lou going down with me. We walked up down the passage perhaps half hour. Here I opened on the subject, saying it was a comfort to me to have named it to Lou. That she might remember what I had said. Whatever should happen in future, she was the only one to whom I cared to appear in some degree justified. But I charged her not to utter what I had said, for I knew not my own mind. As yet I had said not a syllable of it to π [Mariana] nor should till I knew myself better, for I might come round again. 

I knew not for on revient toujours a ses premiers amours but I had never felt so oddly. π [Mariana] talked of coming to Shibden, but I hoped the visit would fall through. Lou asked if I should come to the festival. I said I thought not but certainly I should not if π [Mariana] came. Lou said how much she π [Mariana] loved [me]. She had done it at first against the wishes of all her family.

I asked if Lou remembered telling me she was worldly. No, she had quite forgotten. But if she did say so she meant only with respect to her marriage. I said the subject gave me great uneasiness. It was odd enough I had not thought of it abroad, but it occurred to me the moment of my return to Shibden and I had never been able to shake it off. 

Lou asked if it was owing to any preference I felt for any other. I said no. Is it, said she, Mrs. Barlow? No. Is it Miss de Sans? No. She should be sorry that so old a friendship should . . . . . here she stopped. Ah, said I, heaven only knows. For I do not. I never so little knew myself. I know not what I shall feel or do. 

Anne just came to us, but went away immediately and I took my final leave of both. Anne would wonder what had passed, for I felt as if my lips looked white – When upstairs Lou had said in her musing that she knew not what would become of them. What do you think of the lawyer? Meaning Eustace Strickland whom π [Mariana] had told me (in Paris I think) that she had refused. Ah, said, I why did you refuse him? But we both seemed to leave the subject to talk of π [Mariana]. Certainly I thought no more of it – 

It was after 3 before I got to Hornor’s – He was out – Would not be back of 1/2 hour – Went into Micklegate to say, I could not be back in time to dine at the D– [Duffin]s’ – Mr. D– [Duffin] seemed disappointed – But there was no remedy – Met Miss M– [Marsh] and Miss D– [Duffin] walking – They took a little turn with me, and got back to Hornor’s at 3 50/60 – 

Waited a long while – On examination Mr. Hornor found I had five upper double teeth with greater or less holes in them (of which I had not had the most distinct suspicion) and I had them all stopped with gold – My gums in very good order – My teeth requiring very little scaling, but that little was done – Should not use a too hard brush – Moderately hard – Bought 6 of Mr. H– [Honor]’s tooth powder. 

Should have some little mechanical action – The greater the tendency to form tartar on the teeth, the rougher the powder should [be] – The tops of the gums should be well brushed so as to clean away the tartar in its soft state – The tooth powder I use equal parts dragon’s blood, bolammoniae, and dragon’s blood, very good but would be improved by something to make it rather rougher e.g. one tenth proportion of the whole ingredients of powdered cuttle-fish bone (os sepiæ) or finely powdered pumice stone – The former would be rough enough for me – Powdered chalk (simply) a very good tooth powder – 

The scaling my teeth ought to have been 10/6, but I only paid the 5 /. [shillings] for the tooh drawing and the 7 /. [shillings] each for the teeth stopping – It being 5 1/2 when all this was done, went over to my aunt who ordered me a mutton chop which I relished more than anything I had had since our arrival in York –

After this wrote and left for the post office a couple of pages to my uncle (Shibden) to say, I had been detained, and that my aunt and I should post it together tomorrow, hoping to be off at 12, and at home about 7 – my aunt fancying I half said so. I had had the two pounds to pay Hornor from Miss Marsh, gave me two sovereigns. She is always good to me and would give me anything –

Told my aunt my conversation with Louisa about M– [Mariana]. Left my aunt just in time to get to the D– [Duffin]s’ to tea at 7 – Found a note from Louisa B– [Belcombe] and small parcel for her sister Eliza now at Haugh-End – Having heard Miss Duffin say yesterday after dinner she liked caraway seeds, and added Miss M– [Marsh] could eat them by the ounce I bought her 6 oz yesterday evening, but forgetting them brought them home this evening and running upstairs the moment I came in, and put them on her toilet – 

I saw by her manner afterwards she had seen them, but, not being tete-a-tete, she took no further notice of the thing – Yet she was evidently pleased by the attention – After tea we all walked (Mr. D– [Duffin] called to see Miss Day) 1/2 way to Acomb – 

Fine day – Very fine evening – Sat talking till 10 1/2 when Miss M– [Marsh] and I retired – E [two dots, treating venereal complaint] O [two dots, marking discharge] –

[in margin] Told Lou I should always be interested for her should be happy to do anything I could for her in point of advice or otherwise, and when she wanted a friend I begged she would apply to me – 

[in margin] Mrs. B– [Belcombe] gave me this morning Steph’s letter to Dr. Kenny enclosed in a note to myself. The letter open having requested to see it and shew it to Mr. D– [Duffin] who approves – But seems to think not much of anything but the pills – (the blue pill) – Handsome letter to Dr. K– [Kenney] will be glad to hear from him or see him at his house should he visit York –

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

Total Drama Smash Bros: Episode 2, Part 2 Something Fishy This Way Comes...

*Wario wanders around a dark and fog-filled campground by a lake, looking in vain for the tell-tale signs of the Camp in question, unfortunately it seems like he's in the wrong place*

Wario: Welp, that's it, I'm lost. Sakurai damn it! What's a guy got to do to steal a measley twenty-million around here!?

*An unknown 1st Person POV shot begins tracking Wario through the abandoned campground while breathing heavilly*

Wario: Dammit Ganondorf! You couldn't of hidden your summer camp of torture somewhere more accessible?! And what's this shit about not inviting me to help in your revenge fetish story?! And what the hell is up with this place?! Camp Crystal Lake?! What kind of bullshit name for a camp is that?! You might as well name it Camp Super Happy and be done with it! Why I outghta-

*Wario is interrupted from his rant by the 1st Person POV approaching behind him. Wario turns to see a massive mountain of a man in ragged clothes wearing a hockey mask and wielding a machete.*

Wario: Oh, hey there buddy. You okay? You're breathing kind of heavy. You need a cough drop or something?

*The man does not respond, merely continues breathing heavily and glaring at Wario*

Wario: Hey, buddy! I'm talkin' to ya! *More silence* Look buddy, you're kind of violating Wairo's personal space, so I'm gonna have to ask you to back off.

*The man does not respond, merely lifting up his mask and allowing Wario to see his face before replacing it*

Wario: Woah! Buddy, that's one hell of a condition! I've got some skin cream in my bag, here let me get it for ya. *The masked man raises his machete as Wario fishes through his pack.*

------------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------------------------

Back at the Fishing Grounds

*The boats have shoved off and the teams have departed. Some are doing well! Others are doing... not so well.*

(Erdrick and Robyn's boat)

Erdrick: I got one! We're eating good tonight!*Begins reeling in his line*

Robyn: Wow. That was fast.

Erdrick: Almost here... almost here...! *he reels it in revealing it to be... an old boot* Aw, tartar sauce. *he glumly throws the boot into the boat*

(Roy and Samus' boat)

Samus: Jeez, how do you use this thing? It's so primitive!

Roy: Well, how do you usually go fishing?

Samus: I get on a aqua terrain suit, load up my spear-gun, and take the offensive. None of this waiting around crap.

Roy: Right, future, forgot. *sighs* Here, let me show you.

Samus: Right. So, where's the prime interface so I can load up the targeting system?

*Roy facepalms*

(Link and Bonny Janet)

Link: *staring at the water thoughtfully, surveying the whole area*

Bonny Janet: Oi! Elfy! Ya goona let ma in oon tha' big secret?

Link: Just determining the best place to fish. Have to take into account water currents, sunshine, and a whole bunch of other- fuck it. *Link jumps into the water and reemerges a minute later with a Spotted buck-Salmon clenched between his jaws*

Bonny Janet: BLOODY HELL! Do ya always fish like thaat?

Link, spitting the fish into the boat: My ancestors used fishing rods, but Mipha taught me to fish like a Zora. Lots more efficient.

Bonny Janet thinks for a moment before an evil grin comes over her face: Oi. Ya think ya could get moore tha' way? We git moore, oone fer each oof our team... an' wee've goot a good chance o' winnin'!

Link, pulling himself into the boat: Huh. Good idea Bonny.

*The two look over to see Marth struggling to thread a fishing line through a hook and Joker shooting into the water with his gun, trying to hit one of the fish.*

Bonny Janet: Oi! Princey! Witch-son! *Bonny throws the fish Link caught at their boat, smacking Marth in the face, knocking him down*

Joker, picking up the fish from an unconscious Marth: Thanks Bonny!

*Link and Bonny Janet give a thumbs up which Peach sees and grows frustrated*

-

Confessional

Peach: This is bad. Link and the imp working together?! This is seriously bad news.

-

(With Erdrick and Robyn again)

Erdrick: Ooh! Ooh! I know I got one this time!

*Erdrick reels in his catch only to be another boot.*

Erdrick: Gods dammit!  *tosses it beside the other boot*

(With Lucina and Dark Pit)

*The two are sitting in silence together*

Lucina: Hey, DP, you want some? *holds up a bag of chocolate covered peanuts*

Dark Pit: Sure, hand 'em over.

*Lucina gives DP some*

-

Confessional

Dark Pit: I appreciate Lucina. She's knows that sometimes people just don't want to talk.

-

*Lucina suddenly gets a bite on her line*

Lucina: Shit! It's a big one! *Lucina does her best to reel in the catch. Dark Pit comes up behind her and helps her haul up on the line* Almost! There!

*The catch finally breeches the surface and they see that they have hooked a massive shark. All three simply stare at each other for a long moment before Dark Pit slowly reaches forward and cuts the line. The shark disappears beneath the waves and Lucina slowly puts down her line, curling into a ball*

(With Peach, Zelda, and Pit's boat)

*Peach, Zelda, and Pit have carefully followed Link and Bonny Janet as they've fished up a small pile of their prey to distribute to their team.*

Peach: Okay Zelda, now's your chance. Drive the wedge! Drive it!

*Zelda looks reluctnant but nods*

Peach: And Pit. I need you to sneak over and steal all those fish while they're distracted!

-

Confessional

Peach: I hated to drive Zelda and Pit like that, but I need this prize money! Bowser's conctant kidnapping of me, destroying my kingdom over and over, and the subsequent repairs and reparations have left the royal coffers practically empty! The Mushroom Kingdom needs the financial boost.

-

Confessional

Pit: I'm not sure I like how Peach is running this alliance. I want to win too, but Link and Bonny seem to be finally making friends. I know I'm not very smart, that's why I let Peach and Zelda call most of the shots... but I don't know about this.

-

Zelda: Oh, Link! You're real good at this!

Link: Thanks Zelda! It's good to know we're still friends even though we're on different teams

Zelda, looking even more guilty now, continues: You probably could have caught more if Bonny had contributed more.

Bonny Janet: Oi! Where do ya get oof ya pastel pint! Ah've helped more than ye've helped yer team!

Link: Hey! Lay off Zelda! She's not used to doing stuff like this.

Bonny Janet: Ooo ya! She joost sits in 'er castle 'an let's folk like ye do all the werk! Didn' know ye were soocha  doormat Elfy!

Link: Zelda's done lots to help Hyrule! And I'm not a doormat.

Bonny Janet: Soonds lake soomethin' a doormat would say!

*As they argue neither notice Pit surfacing from the water beside their boat*

Red: Hey!

*Bonny and Link turn to see that Red and Leaf have come up near them*

Leaf: Both of you, cut it out! You're on the same team! You can tear each other apart AFTER we win. You're teammates aren't you? Act like it!

*Both Link and Bonny shift uncomfortably*

Bonny: Aye. Ah' suppose ah' woos a wee bit harsh.

Link: And I think I spoke rashly.

Bonny: Aye... peace? *she offers her hand*

Link: Yeah, pea- HEY!

*Both turn and see Pit swimming away with their catch*

Bonny Janet: YOU DIRTY THIEF!

Link: Dammit!

Red: Sorry guys.

Bonny Janet: Oi! Elfy! Can ye catch more?!

Link, frowning: I don't know... maybe?

*Peach, meanwhile, grabs her team's bucket of bait, a load of chum, and hurls it into the water around Link and Bonny's boat*

Link: Oooh, that's not good.

*Instantly over a dozen sharks surface around them with evil grins on their faces*

(With Erdrick and Robyn)

Erdrick: Oh boy! Finally!

Robyn: If it's another damn boot.

Erdrick: No way! It's way too big to be a boot! *Begins to reel it in* We're... guaranteed... to win! *Erdrick hauls up his catch... only to find it a massive crate full of boots*

Robyn: I don't know why I expected any different.

*A massive whistle suddenly sounds out and they all turn to see Ganondorf on the shore*

Ganondorf: And that's it kiddies! Time's up!

Corrine: Time's up! But you- You- uggh. I'm not even going to bother.

Ganondorf: Good call! Now haul in and let's see what you've caught!

--------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------

*The Campers are all assembled. The Koopas all hold fish distributed to them by Peach's team's ill gotten gains. Link and Bonny, bruised and beaten from their shark attack, glare at the three offenders. Pit and Zelda look down guiltily.*

Ganondorf: What a fishing trip that was! Way better than I thought it was gonna be.

Red: Yeah. *Glaring daggers at Peach and company* A lot more theivery than I expected too.

Ganondorf: True, but not against the rules. *Ganondorf takes in the teams* Now, only Marth and Joker managed to bring in a fish... but it's the biggest one! Goombas take this one!

*There's a bit of shocked silence before the Goombas start cheering and the Koopas look on in shock and anger*

Peach: But! B-but-

Ganondorf: If you'll recall, I said only that the team “with the biggest fish wins”. Not how many. Quality over quantity.

Bonny Janet: Boo yeah!

Link: Hell yeah! *the two high five each other*

Ganondorf: That mean that the Goombas will have the advantage in part two of today's challenge. We'll be right back with the exciting conclusion of Episode 2... of Total, Drama, Smash Bros!

[doglover502]

“Well”, Fanny said to Patton as they walked towards the school. “Today’s the day.” 

“Yup”, Patton answered still shaking. “It’s.. it’s definitely today.” 

Fanny gave him a playful look. “Aw come on Whizzer. You’re not still afraid of Beetles are you?” 

“Well…sort of. A little.” 

“Hey, don’t worry. Remember, you can’t show fear.” 

“I can’t help it! I wear my fear right on my sleeves.” 

“Well maybe you should stop wearing hoodies”, Fanny smirked. “Then you won’t have sleeves.”

Patton looked at her mad. “You know what I mean!” 

“Relax. I’m just messing with you”, she playfully punched him as they walked. 

“Just remember our training, our insults, and that you’re BIGGER! You’re gonna be fine.” 

Patton gulped then nodded. “Right….I can take him.” 

“That’s right. Just keep telling yourself that.”

A few hours later, it was lunch time. 

Fanny had sat down, french fries in hand as she looked over at Patton. He was  alone at his usual table, as his eyes darted in many different directions in anticipation. 

She sighed. “Sheesh, he’s terrible at looking casual.“ 

“Who is?” 

“Yah!!” Fanny looked up wide-eyed to see Rachel coming by with a lunch tray. She sighed in relief and smiled. 

“Oh Rachel, it’s just you.” 

“Yes, it’s “just” me”, Rachel smiled back. “So, who’s terrible at looking casual?”

“Oh just Whizzer over there”, she said motioning to him. “He can’t hide his emotions at all.”

“That’s a good point”, Rachel concurred, eating a French fry. “Though I can’t say I blame him. I mean, it IS Fish Day.” 

“Actually, I think we’re gonna get quite the show today”, Fanny said. 

“Oh really”, another voice, Abby, joined into their conversation across the table. “And just what gave you that idea?”

“Oh, just a feeling.” Abby and Rachel gave each other a look, before turning their attention back to Fanny. 

“Fanny”, Rachel began to ask, “What did you do?”

“I did not do anything”, Fanny answered annoyed. “Sheesh! You 2 always think if something’s happening to him, I’M the reason behind it!” 

“Well, y'all 2 have been spending a lotta time together pretty recently”, Abby backed up. “Maybe you didn’t do anything, but you should know something.”

“I don’t know what’s up with him today”, she lied furiously. “What am I? His mother’s keeper?”

Rachel and Abby looked at her suspiciously but before they could say anything, their attention was caught by an audible gasp. They turned back to see a small crowd of teenagers who were turned around. They walked over to the source of the crowd to see Patton standing up, shaking furiously, while Wally looked up at him his face red with shocked.

“Wait, gimme a second”, he said. “What did YOU just say?” 

Patton breathed in before answering nervously. “W-What I said was…..no. We-we will not be d-doing Fish Day.”

Wally walked close towards Patton, as Patton instinctively slouched to the shorter teenager. 

“Oh we aren’t, are we”, he said. “And just why aren’t we, you giant dork?”

Patton looked around, still shaking like a leaf, wondering what to do. His eyes locked for a moment on Fanny behind Wally, who motioned her hand to say “go on”.

“Well”, he continued, less nervous. “Because I don’t need to take it. I’m bigger than you. I am a skyscraper!”

“Duh. It’s because you’re a giant freak”, Virginia shouted over the crowd. Wally looked back at her angrily.

“Ey, I’ve got this all settled”, he shouted to Virginia.

“Oh yeah”, she snarked. “You’ve definitely got this handled.”

“I will in a second”, he turned his attention back to Patton. “Now, I don’t care how big you are. We both know I can take you down.” 

He then shoved Patton, who moved back accordingly.

He turned back to Virginia with a smirk. “Ya see? I totally have-”

However he was interrupted when he felt a small push on his back, stumbling him to the ground. The crowd among them “oooh”-ed and gasped as Wally got up.

He looked at Patton, who still had his hands out from the shove. “No. I…I can take you. You can’t just..push me around, and-and stuff me in lockers, and-and-and put tartar sauce in my clothes just because I’m friends with a kid.”

He started to walk towards Wally, as Wally started to walk back startled.

“And furthermore”, he said, no longer hesitating. “My name is NOT Dork-lovsky. It’s DRIL-ovsky! PATTON Drilovsky! And I am NOT just some punching bag for you to look super tough on for everybody else. If you really want to find some way to look cool, I will NOT be it! Those days are OVER! This will be the LAST time of dealing with you treating me like dirt and acting like a…..like…..like a C-!”

In that moment, the world seemed to stop.

Everyone in the cafeteria just stared in bewilderment, shock, and dread as their faces paled. Except for Virginia’s, who look about a second away from going into hysterics.

Fanny paled before putting her hands into her face.

Of course, she thought. Of all the words I taught him, he goes with THAT one!

Almost in slow- motion, Wally’s face turned from scared to shock to seething anger. Meanwhile, Patton’s face went from confident to realization to utterly terrified.

“O-Oh my goodness”, he said backing up and shrinking. “I-I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to go that far. And-and-and I don’t even mind the name and the sauce-”

However, all his talk was ignored as Wally’s face turned red and grabbed Patton’s scarf. The scarf tightened around Patton’s neck for a few seconds, making Patton struggle to get away as his face paled. However, before anything fatal could happen, the cloth broke and Patton skidded face-first into the floor.

What he got up to see was a flash of small pink bits of fabric flying in the air, as a short blonde teenager created more in his hands.

“NOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

Patton screamed and looked in shock and terror. He desperately got on the ground trying to pick up the numerous tattered pieces. He fruitlessly tried to put the scraps back together, as tears started to form in his eyes.

He looked back up at Wally, who was grinning almost sadistically at the chorus of laughing behind him, a small piece of scarf still in his own hand. Patton breathed in short breaths heavily as he clutched the cloth pieces. 

“Oh, BOY”, Wally said angrily. “Are you in for it NOW, Dork-lovsky.”

Fanny looked at Patton among the crowd, before a look of worry came across her own face. She saw Patton get back up, slowly, but with a look that she had never seen from him before.

It wasn’t a look of confidence, or happiness, or giant bewilderment.

The look Patton had, screamed nothing but RAGE.

And then it happened.

The whole cafeteria seemed to go in slow motion, as Wally’s body collided into a wall. 

Patton looked down at the boy, who was groaning while on the ground.

Wally raised his head slowly, rising over the bricks and debris, before he put his hand on his face. He looked over at his fingers, which now had blood dripping on them where they had touched his nose.

Patton’s mouth became agape before he looked down on his own blood-covered hands.

Oh sweet Yipper, he thought. What the crud have I done?

Takes place after this.

They say everybody has a breaking point.

Boy, is @truebuggy gonna hate me.

Patton finally stands up for himself. But, it doesn’t turn out quite the way he wanted.

Also, some designs for teen Bartie and Virginia. I was kind of running on fumes when I drew this so they may not look like their kid versions much.

Except the half shaved head. That was on purpose because Virginia would do that, and no one can convince me otherwise.

[hyolosupport]

Hyoyeon @ KBS SuJu Shindong’s Podcast

translated by  @ch0sshi

- They talked about how snsd used to have a fixed concept for each member, instead of being more fluid with roles in the group. hyoyeon said that was better off during their rookie days bc it was easier to memorize things. but as time goes on, that becomes so solidified that it doesn't seem that great. like, all trainees learn to sing/dance/act. but when she's constantly set as the dancer of the group, it kind of made her think like, 'I can only dance. I must be bad at singing.' She said it has its pros and cons.

-  I guess they were told hyoyeon's specialties are dance and speaking Chinese.. hyo: these talents are kind of old. lol

-  Shindong said when they were trainees, hyoyeon and choi siwon went to china to study abroad.  Lee sooman always said that china would be like an important place for advancements(?) early on, so he made everyone study chinese.  They'd even have Chinese song singing contests, and if you won, youd get to go and study in China for 2~3 weeks.

-They mentioned how hyo's blood type is AB. She said people usually think she's either type O or B, and they get surprised when she says she's AB.

-  Hyo kinda likes childish jokes, & she said fans call her kim choding, kim yeolsal/10-years-old. other nicknames like [snsd's] dancing queen.  One nickname that is a bit more familiar is kim choding. She said kim yeolsal makes it seem like she's really ten, lol.

-  Shindong asked what hyo's nickname was as a kid, she said she was really well-behaved. she said kids used to call her 'trainee'.  Asked hyoyeon how kids at school reacted since, time-wise, she debuted while she would've been in school. but she didn't really get to  experience that bc she went to study abroad when she was in middle school. so she came back to korea and took a qualification exam.

-  Hyoyeon said she's kinda homely..she's really neat, well-organized, and tidies up well.   Shindong: what about cooking? Hyo: I'm..gonna do that slowly. I'm gonna start with getting organized.  Said she's also good at taking care of others.

-  Hyoyeon said she started properly dancing after joining sm and learning. the first time she saw herself dancing was in sm's I AM movie.  She said whe watched thinking, 'so thats how I danced for my audition'. She hadn't learned to dance at the time of that audition.  When she was in like elementary school, she just enjoyed copying dances. She only officially started learning to dance after joining sm.  So that dance team hyoyeon was in and when she danced with min, it was all after she had joined sm.  She wasn't that into dancing, but an instructor saw her popping, and told her to learn it properly. so she just went there for like 2 years.  Even shindong said he assumed she was at that dance team first and then got cast in sm.

-  Something else surprising she said is that her dad wanted her to be in this line of work, so he sent a photo he took of hyoyeon around roses in a park to sm. said she was too timid atm to do something like that herself

-  All those dance competitions that hyoyeon got recognized participating in when she was younger..she went without telling sm.  Shindong said those things used to release on vhs bc the internet wasn't that huge..but later, those clips started getting shared online.  The other dj dude said he watched her dancing online.. Hyoyeon: I watched them online too

-  They named her schools and gave exactly how long she trained at sm.. Hyo: you guys are really detailed here. lol

- Hyoyeon said she really likes ddeokbokki, could eat it for all three meals of her day. and while she's promoting all the staff will probably have to eat nothing but ddeokbokki bc of her lol

-  Hyoyeon said she likes spicy foods. she said she only eats one brand of ddeokbokki, sinjeon. shindong said laboum is their cf model.  Hyo: they have a cf model?; Shindong: laboum is doing it.; Hyo: oh, congratulations.. lmao

- Hyoyeon said it's been a while since she weighed herself. she said she uses her jeans as a way of being conscious of her weight.  She said she even washes her jeans all at the same time since they can stretch/shrink.

- Hyoyeon wrote her height really accurately: 160.45 cm xD

- Hyoyeon's alcohol tolerance: it's gradually increasing.

-  Shindong said once Hyoyeon was walking up the street like, in the middle of the night..he said she must have been really drunk bc she didn't even recognize him. Said she was walking alone, Hyo said she's usually not alone...so she must have really been drunk.  He even called out to her, but she just kept walking past him lol. said she doesn't really like the taste of alcohol.  Shindong said that one time was the first and last time he saw her drunk. 

- Hyoyeon said when she drinks champagne, she loses her voice.

- A 'body secret' she has is her stomach fat..said there's a connection, since she's been drinking a little more.

-   Hyo's favorite song when she goes to karaoke: Jessica h.o's 인생은 즐거워/life is good

-  Hyo's hobby: playstation. she likes playing rayman. didn't really like gaming, usually only played things like tetris or mahjong, lol  She said she got into super mario, and then got introduced to to the playstation and said rayman was similar.  Said she could lose sleep to play it, and she always has to get the gold medal.

-  She said she recently went to a pc bang, and had fun. Overwatch gave her motion sickness. she said she's going to put that sticker  behind her ear to help with that next time she goes lol. she said she just played the game adults like....go-stop. lmao

-  Hyoyeon said she relieves stress by having a drink with (non-celeb) friends..she said she never had any interest in like meeting  friends/having a drink early on bc they were so busy anyway..but now it becomes like a time of healing.

- Hyo's role model: Rihanna. 

- Hyo's goal/dream: perfection, like, self-contentment

-  Asked what her goal for this promotion is. said there's a picture she has drawn out, so she hopes that transfers onto the stage.

-  Hyo's ideal type: Yoo Ah-In. for his looks/style, and like his voice.

-  Hyo's motto: no matter what you do, become an honest person who does your best. she said this is something her dad made  her and her little brother memorize since they were little.

-  She said she got in a lot of trouble by her dad when she dyed her hair and got her ears pierced...yet he got her into sm, lol

-  Words that supported hyo: think positive things.

-  'if i got 24 hours to myself without a manager'- i think she wrote it happens often, lol.

-  She said compared to the number of members, the amount of managers they have isn't that large. hyo said she's a bit impatient and doesn't really like waiting around once things end. she said it's not good to do, but sometimes she'll just leave first after they get done with things. she said it could be a good thing for managers, having one less person to take care of.

-  If hyoyeon got 100,000 won out of nowhere, she'd go and eat yukhoe/beef tartare with friends. said she really likes it.

-  If she didn't become a celebrity, hyo said either dancing in the US/japan, or study and become a fashion designer.

-  Said she used to have an interest in fashion design. but now, she said the more you think about it, the more you realize how difficult it is. She said there are those times where you think your style is the best and you know everything, but you really don't, lol.

-  After doing shows regarding fashion, she said she realized 'there's a reason why there are specialists [in these fields]'

-  Shindong asked if dance is naturally acquired..she said the groove/soul you have with dance is something you're kind of born with.  But she said it's something you can overcome with effort/hard work.

-  Hyo said Shindong to her is just an oppa she's known for a long time. shindong said that is true, bc they don't share any memorable moments.  Hyoyeon said there are some oppas that she's awkward with, even if she's known them for a while. but that's not the case with shindong. 

-  Asking her what like a special skill she has [like something to show on a variety show] hyoyeon's response: sorry. lol  If she goes on variety shows, bc there were so many members, there'd be fixed questions for each of them..and she usually just danced lol  Hyoyeon: whether it rained or snowed, i just danced. lmao

-  They played just the first 10s of 'wannabe', so it was just the instrumental/her voice didn't even come on.  hyoyeon: is this bc of copyrights or are you just teasing me? lol. they said it's to give people just a taste/they're going to play more

-  Asked when the album comes out for their anniversary..she said since it's their 10th anniversary, there should be a meaningful present..?  The other dj said he recently interviewed yoona, and she said an album comes out this year. hyo: did she say it? oh, she said it. lmao  the dj dude went on saying yoona said they'll be releasing something in the summer, hyoyeon seeming unaware that she said these things.. Shindong said she can just continue to act like she doesn't know anything..hyo: are they releasing something without me? xD  dudes: you're not really unaware are you? hyo: i've been getting my news through articles. lmao

-  Hyoyeon said seohyun has become a bit more chill and whatnot than before..got influenced by her unnies lol

-  Hyoyeon said she used to do track in school. she was good at long-distance running and even went out as her school representative  for schools in incheon. she was so unaware of things like having the proper shoes for running. so she took her lightest pair: ballet shoes.  In the qualifying round, she got 4th place. but at the finals, she was so nervous that she got an upset stomach and didn't do as great.

-  Said how she wants to get married early and have about 5 kids. said she really likes kids. in the past, she always said  her dream was to become a good wife, without really knowing wtf that was. lol  now, she said she just wants to keep working hard while she can lmao.

-  Asked if she still wants to have a lot of kids, and she said she thinks it would be good to have more. other dj: you should rethink that..xD  hyoyeon: i think i'm saying this bc i haven't had any kids yet dj: yeah, i'm currently doing that [has a kid]..

-  hyoyeon said now that the podcast is coming to an end, she's getting kind of scared bc it feels like she talked without much filter lol

-  shindong's scenario: you get an offer to become a cf model for yupki ddeokbokki..you can eat other brands, but just have to film their cf.  asked if she would do it. hyo: of course. other dj: what if you can only eat yupki ddeokbokki? hyo: then i'd order it [secretly]... xD

-  They asked hyo which sinjeon ddeokbokki location she usually orders from, and she said she pretty much knows where they all are  bc she'll order it when she's in like a broadcast station's waiting room and stuff. she'll order through apps, or go there herself.

[fashiontrendin-blog]

Your June Horoscope Is Here and So Is Its Summer Bod

http://fashion-trendin.com/your-june-horoscope-is-here-and-so-is-its-summer-bod/

Your June Horoscope Is Here and So Is Its Summer Bod

Sing me a song if you’re the pianowoman/consider the start of June the official start of summer no matter WHAT the calendar says. You can do that in the comments — that’s what they’re there for. You know what I’m “here for”?

All of this recent news about Pluto! It’s nonstop! It’s such a hot ticket internet item that there was even a “10 Things You Didn’t Know” article published about it.

In news unrelated to Pluto (but why, I know) I have something to tell you: July’s horoscopes will be penned by someone else while I “unplug” for a few days. I need two hands to double-fist hotdogs at all times and I can’t exactly type with my feet. Don’t worry or do: I’ll be back in August.

Okay, enough of the agenda reading. Susan Miller, are you ready? I’ve read your Astrology Zone ‘scopes and have distilled them down below, but I need you on the kick-drum, quick: IT’S TIME FOR JUNE 2018 HOROSCOPES!

Gemini

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEMINI FIREFLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fireflies was meant to rhyme with Gemini but then I realized you can read Gemini as Ge-mini, as in, GE-MINI SKIRTS! GE-MINI DOUGHNUTS! GE-MINI HORSES!

Who knows what the “ge” would be used for other than emphasis, and speaking of emphasis, let me emphasize your birthday planets!

Great month for you and your career. Any traveling you do will be like feeding that career of yours fertilizer without the whole “poop” thing, which is the unspoken elephant in the room of fertilizer. According to my mom, horse poop is great for your roses!

That’s from the horse’s butt. This is from the horse’s mouth: “If you are single, Venus’ move into jovial Leo from June 13 to July 9 is good news for you. Your best time to meet someone interesting will be during that period, on a short trip to a nearby resort. Attached couples can revive their relationship by taking quick weekend trips as well.” Sounds like a real time to be alive in a party hat, if you ask me. Be careful about joining that club where people have sex in airplane bathrooms! I do not think it’s safe (you could get flushed down the toilet), nor do I think it’s legal!

Cancer

NOT to get weird but oh god, celestial sky crabs, I am so deep into that summer state of mind that just seeing your starry crab pattern makes me drool, even if it  looks absolutely nothing like a crab. I want to gently crack your claw and suck the meat off your thumb and I don’t care who knows it! They say you should never go grocery shopping hungry but I really should never write horoscopes hungry — in the SUMMER, of all places.

Apparently your work life has been “all-consuming” (Susan’s words; promise I’m not listening in on your conversations with your bffs), “but keep pressing forward because June is still due to be a highly productive month.” You are going to be a job-place celebrity!!!

You will get to chill on the 13th, however. Isn’t it nice to foresee some deep, deep breaths? You might get so chill that you get lost, however, so keep your phone charged in case you need to use Google Maps. Susan says space out your savings, too. Sorry that we both sound like your mom right now.

If you’re serious, you just might propose on the 27th. If you’re single around the 13th (that same chill day), feel free to propose too. Venus will be on your side so you might as well also get your hair done.

“You are a tender sign, dear Cancer,” wrote Susan at the end of your summary, “and that is what is so lovable about you.” I’m going to go out on a limb here given her use of the word “tender” and say that Susan may have been hungry while writing your ‘scope too.

Leo

Hello and hi to the coolest cats in the sky. Now tell me (or show me down below) what the humidity does to your manes? I bet it looks fabulous.

“Love and relationships will be front and center of your life as you start June,” writes Suz. There was a full moon at the end of May that might have, also according to Suz, pushed you to make a decision about a romantic relationship. It’s possible that you became engaged, or! It’s possible that you decided to join uncuffing season, which means you’re primed and ready for a summer adventure. Either way, you’re headed on the right path to get whatever it is that you want in love, even if you don’t know yet.

If you’re looking for a new apartment, look no further than Jupiter. You can’t move there, but this super cool planet’s going to help you find a room with a view and doesn’t charge any of those ridiculous finders fees, either.

The new moon on the 13th is great for traveling, and your social life is going to get more and more robust, as they say when they’re being dramatic and calling themselves “they.” Your career is also on the rise. I know it’s not your birthday yet and that’s killing you but man oh man are you having the best June ever or WHAT!

Virgo

Hi Virgos who can and can’t drive! I promise that by the time your month rolls around I’ll come up with a new salutation.

From Suz: “If you are eager to get ahead in your career, you must pay attention to June. You will get opportunities, but in each case you will need to examine the details, as you will be dealing within an environment of smoke and mirrors, and it will be up to you to separate truth from fiction. Who better to do that than an eagle-eyed Virgo?” OO!

So there’s that vague yet helpful tidbit. What you need to know surrounding it: dot your i’s, cross your t’s (but also cross your eyes because it’s picture season and dot your tees because polka dots are still “in” thanks to the 2018’s 1980s). Susan also thinks you should pace yourself. It’s going to be a head-down, get-things-done kind of month, but man are you going to produce some real gems — gems that you can stick in your portfolio and show the world that you invented jar-less mayonnaise, just when the world really needed it most, goddammit.

Toward the end of the month, you’re going to have to make a big decision about your significant other. Don’t let this freak you out! Anyone in a relationship knows that sometimes the most monumental decisions you have to make together often involves “What should we eat?” and “What should we watch tonight?”

If you’re single, have a Pringle and enjoy the hell out of the summer sun!

Libra

I’m LIBRA-ing, on a jet plane! Don’t know when I’ll be back again. Or something something never let you goooo.

How’s your June going, speaking of going? Also in terms of going places, I REALLY appreciate the ad for rock climbing/hiking shoes on Susan Miller’s website? Let me know if you see it or not — I might just be getting targeted, which is so flattering! This ad company things I’m a hiker? It must be because I’m currently eating some granola I just found in a desk drawer after a Cancer told me to stop dipping her thumb in tartar sauce.

“This should be a very sunny month for you on many levels,” writes Suz, “from career, creativity and job opportunities, and home-related developments, to romance, new love, and time with children. In fact, you may possibly hear of the appearance of a new baby in the family, bringing joy to one and all. June is your month, dear Libra, so drink it in and enjoy it to the fullest.” Would you like a non-plastic straw with that good news beverage? Do you even want me to tell you anything else??

How about dates? The first two weeks are primed for career progress. Meanwhile, June 1st (whoops!), 2nd (sorry!) and 22nd (there we go!) are ideal for capital L-O-V-E.

And just know that if you feel like you’re changing your mind a lot in the lovey dove-y department, that’s okay! Go slow and be kind with yourself. It’s the summer. I feel like “it’s the summer” is going to be my excuse for everything for the next three months and so far it’s working, so feel free to join me.

Scorpio

Hello you beautiful bejeweled brooch of a creature! Since you’re here with your stinger and your butt and your pinch-y claws (don’t worry, I do not want to eat those, but that’s just because I’m full on Cancer’s crab meat, thank you very much), you probably want to know what the month has in the astrology store for you!

WELL I WILL TELL YOU BUT I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT BECAUSE I JUST GOT HOME AND LEARNED THAT MY STASH OF “HEALTHY” PEANUT BUTTER CUPS IS GONE.

I AM THE CULPRIT.

IT WAS A SLOW BURN.

Focusing on June because this isn’t about me, it’s about you: There’s some boring stuff in there about how you’re going to get your finances in order at the beginning of June. Good for you! (Truly. That’s not boring, that’s smart. Almost accidentally wrote “adulting” but I can’t be blamed for that; blame social media and balance the shit out of that checkbook.)

Travel is in your sign this month so even if your boss said no to vacation time because you’ve gone over the limit, be like, “But my horoscope said.” Works like a charm bracelet.

Susan seems to think you’re getting married in June — literally or metaphorically (as in, married to your career, to a big new apartment, to a business idea, etc). Either way, around the 27th, you’re golden.

Sagittarius

Sagi-double-dot-your-eyes-and-cross-your-t’s, I talked so much about horses in Gemini’s blerg that I half-expected to see you pop out of the celestial woodwork. And yet you didn’t! Which leads me to believe you must be busy. Susan Miller sure must have been given that your summary alone was three pages. Speaking of good things that come in threes:

Threesome time! “As you enter June” (writes Suz), there will be “a rare golden triangle including your ruler Jupiter on one side, Venus on another, and Neptune as the third point of the triangle and together they will create a vibration of great harmony and beauty. This rare cooperation of three important planets will buoy your spirits and make you optimistic – and rightly so. You have much to be to look forward to in life.” Isn’t that nice? What does that mean, though? Truly, specifically, I don’t know, but the general gist I got about your ‘scope this month was that everything, from work to love to friendship to creativity — especially creativity, is coming up roses.

But to keep the clichés going: it’s not without some pedal to the medal. June’s the time to make some serious decisions. Not to be vague but YOU KNOW what I’m talking about. Toward the 22nd, an assignment is going to bring in a whole lotta money. And if you put in the effort now — toward anything, I guess, by the end of June, you’re going to feel “in sync with the universe.”

Capricorn

Hi Capricorn, feta and watermelon salad! Don’t you look delicious? You do too, Capricorn on the cob with butter melting off. OH I love butter. I’m so hungry. Like I said earlier, writing horoscopes hungry is worse than going to the grocery store hungry, but not as bad as the last time I wrote horoscopes, when the O of my laptop wasn’t working and when I brought my computer to the store the Genius Bar Guy was like, “Yeah, this laptop is fucked.” He didn’t use profanities and actually he was quite lovely but it was sad — it’s been sad! — because I’ve had the same computer since I think 2009. Am I still talking? Are you still reading? What the hell is going on with your horoscope?!

Let’s focus on the answer: You’ve got a big decision coming up on the 27th. It might be tough, but Susan says if you can remain practical, objective and unemotional, you’ll be solid. (That sounds hard as heck, but you’ve got those horns to keep you centered. I think you’ll be excellent at this. Besides, you’ve got Uranus and Jupiter on your side, rooting in your corner, massaging your shoulders, cheering you on and feeding you Gatorade.)

“When you have Saturn on the Sun, as you do now, in a once in 29-year cycle, you get to choose your challenge.” Susan Miller said this and I think it was related to the above, can’t totally remember, but man does it sound like something I want stitched on a pillow.

If work has felt slow in the un-fun way, that will change after the 13th. While things are quiet, use the rare moment to hang out with your friends. Jupiter’s in your house of bffs, which means whatever you two or ten decide to do together will be what we in the stars business call “magic.”

Aquarius

Cute Susan intro to June for ya here, I’m just gonna copy/paste it and drop it before we get into the goods: “The little cherubs flying around you are working to make sure you enjoy June very much.” Okay! And aw!

You’ve got Mars in your sign until November 15th this month and it’s making you a brave ass aqua bear. Even still, try to get all your work-work done before June 26th so that you can enjoy your July 4th vacation you have planned. (What are you doing??)

The 19th will be a really successful day, so if you can save a presentation or a phone call until this point, do it. I have a question for you about hair conditioner, by the way, which is whether or not you think I can use a hair mask in lieu of conditioner, because I’m totally out of condish and keep forgetting to buy it, but I’ve GOT TO wash my hair tonight. I can feel it getting heavier and heavier.

If you’re looking for a job, revisit people who you trust from your past to give them a whisper that you’re looking.

What else? The new moon in Gemini — June 13th — will be key for your romantic ambitions. In fact, why not just let Susan close us out the way she let us in: With a quote, of course! “The new moon in Gemini on June 13 will be the first and most important one this year, helping you to generate new love if you are single, and for adding spice to your relationship if you are attached. The Sun and new moon will light your house of true love. This is the first and strongest vibration you’ve had to enliven your love life this year.” Damnit! I’m all prepared to move on to Pisces but feel like that could have been a great vibrator joke!

Pisces

Hi rainbow fish! The person sitting next to me is watching a booooooring movie about airplanes but I guess it serves me right for writing at 10 p.m. When you write at 10 p.m., you rescind the rights to your stupid tiny remote control that always gets lost between the couch cushions. The only good thing about any of this is that I get to listen to the steady clip of Mid-Atlantic Accents.

What to know about June? Ho ho! “You will have time to have fun in the first week,” writes Susan, so breeze through this fast and get the hell outside!!! This mandated party is thanks to the threesome Venus, Neptune and Jupiter are having, creating what Susan calls “an outstandingly festive vibration.”

This vibration is gonna buzz whether you stay home and make a big decision or choose to travel and see what unfolds (watch TSA, though — maybe take out the batteries).

Mars is going to retrograde from June 25th to August 27th, so if you have any grand plans set between those dates, see if you can organize them so that they’re wrapped by the 24th. But don’t get weird about it. Sometimes planets don’t know shit. (Don’t tell them I said that.)

Where they DO know shit, definitely, is in your love life: Venus will be in your fifth house of true love until June 13th, according to Suz, so it’s gonna be a reallllllll romantic time. Eat it up. Here’s a spoon. Or a salad fork! Whatever your preference.

Aries

Fresh Aries! Man oh man is it good to see you. June’s gonna rule. Susan Miller guarantees it. The first two days were intended to be super romantic. Were they? I’d love to gossip about that with you.

If you need to travel, write, give a speech or sign a contract, June 19th is the day to do it. (Info once again c/o Susan.)

You know what you’re going to do a lot of this month? Nest. You’re going to move into an apartment, decorate the one you have, hunt for rugs, finally hang up pictures, clean out your closets, yada yada. How are you getting all the money for this decor stuff? Well, once again, allow me to be but a messenger:

“Abundant money appears to be flowing in, so concern about your monthly budget is not likely to constrain your plans – in fact, you may have enough saved up to buy a house, apartment, or summer cottage.”

You’ll be very popular this month. Maybe you’ll wear a sash! Enjoy the fun and soak it up. Not that the party has to end, but toward the end of the month, by the 27th, you’ll go into full career mode. “Early June and late September will your best time to make key moves in business, and in your personal life, too,” writes Susan. Can’t wait to CEO-ya on the beach near your new cottage in our matching sun hats!

Taurus

Sh, sh, sweet baby sky cows, I know it’s sad that our birthday month is over. Did everyone have a great time celebrating? I sure as heck and hearth (my new home decor company) did.

Here’s something I have never seen: Susan Miller called Uranus “the planet of lightning bolt change,” and while that does nothing except make me think of Sweet Home Alabama, she says it means that we’re about to experience “major shifts” in our everyday lives. The Butts Planet hasn’t been in our home since 1942! What if it doesn’t even recognize us?

What to expect during these wild times: potential moves, potential grooves, career changes, new homes. Susan says we’ll be successful this month but does liken us to bulls in china shops, which I would resent if it weren’t for the fact that I actually do not like to go into glassware stores because I suddenly lose control of my limbs and forget how to interact with gravity.

We’re going to be focused on money management during this time, getting stuff done before the 26th like everyone else (Mars is in retrograde), and, when it comes to love, though Susan doesn’t fully recommend starting anything new, she’s also not your mama. She is, however, a fan of the bulls, and with that, she wants us to treat ourselves to a massage on the weekend of June 9th.

Illustration by Cynthia Merhej. 

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[unwritrecipes]

Sesame Chicken Noodles (and some pantry talk too!)

Though it may not seem so at first glance, there's a huge lesson to be learned from this picture. What you ask? Does she have to be so cryptic? It's Monday morning and I can barely think straight, let alone decipher her forkful-of-pasta photo. Ok guys, sorry for all the drama. Here's my riveting little tidbit for the new week and it's really nothing new (back when stores kept normal hours, this is something our grandmas all did)--If you keep a well-stocked pantry and fridge, on any given night, you can whip up a nutritious, delicious and even out-of-the-ordinary dish in less than an hour! Yup, that's right. That forkful of pasta coated in a spicy, peanutty sauce with strips of white meat chicken and some scattered scallions is really saying, "look at how organized I am!" That's because this wonderful one-bowl, Asian-inspired pasta dish is entirely made with ingredients that you can keep on hand in your pantry, fridge and freezer. Imagine it's 5:00 pm and you have no idea what dinner will be but the natives are getting restless and you know it's going to get ugly if there is not a meal on the table within the hour. Now imagine opening up your pantry and fridge, doing a little bit of chopping and measuring and serving them up a plate of this deliciousness in under an hour.  Can you hear the cheers? Can you feel that smug smile stretching across your face? I promise it can be done with one good trip to the market to cover your bases. "I could make this if only I had some________in the house!" will escape your lips less and less. How's that for some Monday morning inspiration?!! 

The picture above is my new pantry from our kitchen redo and I purposely had it designed into blocks so that I would keep my famous shoving-to-the-back-impulse at a minimum. I also like the blocks because I can keep my ingredients sorted by category, you know, one square for oils, vinegars and sauces, one for canned goods, one for flours, one for sugars and a large one for chocolate, ha ha!! Now, I  realize that not everyone has a big pantry or lots of cupboards where they can store ingredients, but if you can find a way to keep things stocked even just a little bit, it'll make your life so-o-o-o much easier because the beauty of most of these sauces, vinegars, oils, pastas etc. is that they rarely spoil or need replacing other than when you use them up (that doesn't go for spices though--spices need to be replaced about once a year, I believe). Plus, I find that when I purchase off-the-beaten-path ingredients for us like for example, tahini, which figures largely in this recipe, I'm more apt to turn to other new recipes that make use of them since I already have them on hand. Whew! Sorry for the rather long-winded explanation! If you're already a model of preparedness and organization, ignore what's below and skip down to the recipe. But for the rest of you, here's what I basically keep on hand at home:

OILS

Canola, Vegetable, Peanut, Safflower  Olive, Coconut, Sesame and Toasted Sesame (I like the Trader Joe's brand), Nonstick vegetable cooking spray. Things like walnut or other nut oils that spoil more easily should only be bought on an "as needed" basis.

VINEGARS

Balsamic, Red Wine, Apple Cider, White, White Wine, Sherry, Rice, Champagne, Malt

CONDIMENTS & SAUCES

Soy Sauce (I always buy low sodium), Mirin, Chili Oil, Hot Sauce, Chili Sauce, Sriracha, Ketchup, Mustard (regular brown, yellow and Dijon), Mayonnaise ( I buy light), Salsa, Tomato sauce

NUTS & NUT BUTTERS

I keep all nuts in the freezer to help keep them fresh and we eat a lot of nuts so I usually have Trader Joe's toasted slivered almonds, walnuts, pecans and shelled pistachios on hand. As far as nut butters, the natural peanut butter gets stored in the fridge after opening. All others get stored in pantry and they are:  regular peanut butter like Skippy or Jiff, Almond butter and Tahini. 

CANNED AND JARRED GOODS

Chickpeas, Black and Red beans, Baked Beans, Diced tomatoes, Whole tomatoes, any fruit (like pineapple), Chicken/beef/vegetable broth, Pickles, Applesauce, Tomato Paste

STARCHES & GRAINS

Dried pastas, Rice (long grain, brown, basmati, arborio, wild), Barley (pearl and quick cooking), Quinoa, Couscous (Israeli and regular), Polenta, Breadcrumbs (plain & Italian), Panko, Oats (Old-Fashioned and Steel Cut), your favorite cereals, your favorite bread

SPICES & EXTRACTS

Kosher salt, regular salt, fine sea salt, flour de sel, black and white pepper, cayenne pepper, garlic powder, bay leaves, paprika, parsley flakes, dry mustard, basil, curry powder, sesame seeds, chili powder, oregano, hot pepper flakes, thyme, rosemary, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, nutmeg (I don't like the last 3 but they are considered pantry staples), cream of tartar, espresso powder, vanilla extract, vanilla beans, almond extract

FLOURS

I really like the King Arthur brand and I use their All-purpose white, wheat, white whole wheat, bread, cake and self-rising exclusively, Cornmeal (yellow and white), Gluten-free if you need it. I keep pastry flour and whole wheat pastry flour on hand as well as wheat bran, wheat germ and rye flour on hand but these are not necessary unless you really bake a lot.

SUGARS & SWEETENERS

Granulated, Brown (light and dark), Demerara (also known as sanding sugar) , Confectioners', Corn Syrup (light and dark), Molasses, Honey, Pure Maple Syrup, Agave

OTHER BAKING ESSENTIALS

Baking Powder, Baking Soda (replace every 6 months) Cornstarch, Malt Powder, Sweetened Condensed Milk, Evaporated Milk, Graham Cracker Crumbs, Marshmallows, Shredded Coconut (sweetened and unsweetened), Cocoa Powder (regular and Dutch-processed), baking chocolate (unsweetened, semisweet, bittersweet and white--I like Trader Joe's large bars for taste and economy), chocolate chips-mainly Ghiradhelli but Nestle is good too (semisweet and bittersweet and mini), cupcake liners, dried fruits like raisins (dark and yellow), currants, dried cranberries etc, yeast

REFRIGERATOR STAPLES

Sticks of unsalted butter, cream cheese, sour cream (regular and light) , Milk, Large Eggs, Yogurt (for eating and baking with, I usually keep Greek and regular on hand), a hunk of Parmesan cheese for grating, Cheddar or other favorite hard cheeses, Onions, Garlic, Potatoes, Sweet Potatoes, Carrots, Lemons, Limes, Apples

FREEZER STAPLES

Frozen veggies, Chicken breasts that can be quickly defrosted, Ice Cream and Sorbet, of course!

This is by no means a comprehensive list and I'm sure there are lots of things I've left out that you consider absolutes. In any case, hope this helps and makes it whole lots easier to whip up delicious stuff without last minute grocery runs!! And as for this pasta dish, which has gotten rather short shrift today, be sure to give it a try--it's full of spicy, sesame flavor and you'll love the "magic" way the chicken gets cooked!

Now, head to the store to stock up and start making all your kitchen experiences a whole lot more fun!! And let me know what's in your kitchen!!

Sesame Chicken Noodles

Makes 4 servings

Prep Time:  45 minutes (but a lot of this is hands-free)

Ingredients

Kosher salt

1 large boneless, skinless chicken breast

8 ounces dried fettuccine (or other spaghetti-like pasta you like--it's about half a box)

2 teaspoons sesame oil

1/4 cup peanut oil

1/4 cup tahini

3 tablespoons soy sauce

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

2 teaspoons chili oil (use less if you want less heat)

1 teaspoon honey

2-3 shakes cayenne pepper

1 garlic clove, minced

2 scallions, thinly sliced

The Recipe

1.  Fill a large saucepan with water and bring to a boil over high heat. Salt the water well, add the chicken breast making sure it's submerged in the water, cover the pot and remove from the heat. Let sit about 15 minutes until the chicken is cooked through and tender. If it's not done enough let it sit covered a few minutes longer. Then remove the chicken and transfer it to a plate but don't throw out the water. 

2.  Bring the water in the pot back to a full boil over high heat and add the pasta. Cook to al dente according to the package directions. Then drain and rinse the pasta in cold water until cool and pat it dry with paper towels a bit. 

3.  While the pasta is cooking, you can make the sauce. In a medium bowl, whisk 1 teaspoon sesame oil, peanut oil, tahini, soy sauce, vinegar, chili oil, honey, cayenne and garlic until smooth. 

4.  Place the pasta in a large bowl and toss with remaining sesame oil. Shred or chop the cooled chicken and add to the bowl. Pour the sauce over everything and toss to coat well. Top with the scallions and serve.  

Enjoy! 

Note:  Recipe adapted from Cravings by Chrissy Teigen.