#nobody is allowed to judge me if there are stupid mistakes

[theemporium]

lowkey running late so might not edit this fic🤠just post and hope for the best!!

[ineffablecolors]

hey just wondering why you think Roy reuniting w Keeley post s3 would’ve been bad for him? I sort of agree but also don’t want to bash keeley in anyway so I haven’t talked about it

Heya! Thanks for the ask and sorry you feel like you can't discuss something though I do understand why. I'll preface this by repeating something I've said before - canon did such a horrible job of holding Keeley accountable for anything and wrote her as if she could do no wrong and fandom seems to have picked that up and totally ran with it.

I do love that when reading RoyJamie fanfic, I never see Keeley bashing, as you call it, because vilifying female chatacters is such common practice in fandoms. But Ted Lasso fandom seems to swing to the other extreme where I've never even read a fic where Keeley apologises for something? And you can't even quite blame the fans, they just picked what canon put down - Keeley can do no wrong.

So, first of all, I think simply judging Keeley's actions is not bashing at all, it's just treating her the way every character BUT her is treated in both fandom and show. I think Keeley, like almost every other character, has made plenty of bad decisions and mistakes and, personally, how I react to them is a mix of how well I can relate to her and something else. Jack, for example, was a very professionally questionable decision but I completely sympathise with Keeley for it because 1) she faced consequences for her mistake even if it's never acknowledged that she made one and 2) I can relate to it! Hiring Shandy on the other hand was such a monumentally stupid decision that I could never relate to, so it just makes me annoyed with Keeley and the fact that the show treated it as her just being too sweet and wanting to give another horribly unqualified woman a chance rather than as a point towards her lack of professional skills.

Anyway!! The something else is important for my answer. As much as I love discussing my favourite shows and try to be objective, I very rarely am. Once I pick a favourite character, my opinion of almost every other character is informed by how they treat my favouriteTM. Is that fair? No. Do I do it without fail? Yes. Do I feel bad for it? Umm, no, that's my baby, nobody is allowed to be mean to them xD

And this is how we get to the Roy Kent of it all (finally! christ, this is gonna be long, sorry but also thanks!). Roy's my favourite, my baby, my grumpy, old, emotionally constipated and physically aching romantic. Roy can and has done wrong, I'd never claim otherwise. But I'd still claim he's the best chatacter and one of the best people on the show. And he's always gonna put himself last on his list of priorities.

Which is why I fully admit that I judge Keeley extra harshly when it comes to her and Roy. For brief context - I totally shipped Roy and Keeley and think they were good for each other, for the most part, in s1, I was ecstatic they were together in s2 and still shipped them like hell on my first watch (which was binged with s1!) and less and less on every consequent rewatch, part of me still wanted them to be together and then to get back together in s3 until I actually watched it all and completely changed my mind.

Shall I finally answer your question? I don't think Roy should reunite with Keeley because he gives too much of himself and she gives too little. I don't believe they are well balanced and I dont believe he'd feel loved with her again.

That WAS brief! But if you'd like more detail...

I think as sweet and good-hearted as she's portraited, Keeley is inherently a selfish person. Now, we circle back to bashing and judging. I'm doing neither. I'm myself a selfish person in many ways, that's not the worst thing to be in some regards. But I think Keeley is especially selfish in her romantic relationships and that simply does not suit someone like Roy. When paired with a selfish partner, Roy would just give and give and blame himself for not getting as much back.

I'm not saying there haven't been some great moments between Roy and Keeley, full of affection and care from Keeley, such as the scene at the end of s1. That's probably my favourite moment of theirs. But there have been some pretty shit ones too that for me outweigh the good and, more importantly, came once they settle into the relationship.

As early as their first kiss, Keeley got so annoyed and impatient, she immediately slept with Jamie. I know the show took it as an opportunity to have a kinda feminist moment but can you picture that turned around? Roy and Keeley kiss after tons of flirting and build up, and the day after Roy sleeps with a girl Keeley has a proper (however childish) feud with just cuz she told him she was busy that night. That would've never been fine. Again, I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm saying it's the response of a person who only cares about what they want and doesn't plan for the future.

Then, we have the infamous "Roy is a fridge magnet" episode which I still can't wrap my mind around so gimme a sec here. Your boyfriend is too into you, is perfect (by Keeley's own words) but not giving you the space you haven't asked for. So, instead of talking to him - don't even get me started on people writing Keeley as a character who's good as communicating - girl, where?? - you talk about it to his boss, a bunch of his coworkers and your ex who has an antagonistic relationship with him, and eventually as you're spending time together and he's trying to share one of his interests with you, you start screaming bloody murder at him about how clingy he is. Do I have that all correct? All of this would have been forgivable ofc, miscommunication happens, people aren't perfect, etc, etc, expect... forgiveness was asked by the wrong person. What on earth did Roy have to apologise for? This is the #1 example for me of that show trying so hard to make Keeley a perfect sunshine girl boss that they made 0 narrative or even logical sense. Honestly I hate that whole episode with a fiery passion.

Then we have the funeral shenanigans, which I won't even get into because I think Roy was 100% hilarious in that and Keeley was 100% overreacting (and yes, that's a heavy term to use towards a woman but here's the thing... she was). I guess this would be a good place to talk about their ILYs as well. Roy's ILYs always come with an acknowledgement of Keeley's feelings and his own fault for hurting them in anyway. Keeley's first ILY though has absolutely nothing to do with Roy. She's happy about her own success and he's celebrating her. That's it. That's the first time we see her say I love you. Don't get me wrong, I don't think Roy's aren't better but I think that just proves why he couldn't be happy with Keeley. Every time he's said ILY, it's been tinged with sadness and guilt and self-incrimination. Why would I want him to be with someone who constantly inspires those feelings in him?

This is now definitely too long so I'll try to wrap up with s3 very quickly and mainly the fact that the episode Keeley is drinking alone in the pub is one of the only ones where Keeley faces consequence for her actions (in this case, sleeping with her boss - again, not something I blame or begrudge her for but also something she should've probably considered can get her funding pulled when it ends, see: never thinking about the future (and why I don't see Keeley being successful without people like Barbara or Rebecca but thats a different topic)). Keeley responds to being made to face the music by using Roy to make herself feel better. I'm sorry but there's no other interpretation of their hook up for me. He's just read her a very heartfelt apology, ending with another guilt ridden ILY and then he was leaving. Except she chased him down, not to say it back ofc, but to use him for sex.

Thanks, I hate it.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to the fact that I think Roy was right to break up with Keeley. Not because she's not a great catch and not because there was anything wrong with her being successful or needing time for herself but because they're not right for each other. Roy is too selfless and ready to blame himself for everything and Keeley is too focused on herself and ready to take advantage of that.

Roy is the kind of romantic that would tell his cabbie to date his wife and compose a playlist for the girlfriend who treated him horribly yesterday. He's the kind of guy that's had to bottle up all his emotions forever and never talks about himself with people and has had his fucking watch stolen by his fucking hook ups. He deserves someone *cough*Jamie*cough* who is absolutely obsessed with him! Who will appreciate the things he does for them and the time he spends with them rather than take them for granted at best and be annoyed at worst. Who will make him feel like he's been struck by lightning! He deserve someone who cares about his feeling and frankly, in season 3 at least, I don't think that's Keeley or should be again.

[thisdreamplace]

Hi dream sorry this is a long one, feel free to answer

so recently I’ve been trapped in the past, I’ve made so many mistakes and so many stupid things I regret them so much, recently a mutual unfollowed me and I’m 100% it’s because of an old friend. we had a terrible falling out we both equally made mistakes and I’ve been working and changing myself from mine , moving on and reflecting from my past actions. I’ve gotten better yet I feel like others still talking about me to my friends will make everyone leave and their my best friends. I feel like a huge failure or even irredeemable

and I’m afraid everyone I love will leave me. I hate my past I wanna be better and so nobody needs to ever get mad or point out any bad behavior. I never wanna be a stressor

I’ve never done non dual to get something out off, never ever. but I always let go and trust god in situations , which help me and as I trusted it it always works out , god always plans the perfect outcome even if the process is a bundle of tears.

but how do you deal with situations where you jay need to let go and trust god? I tend to get so paranoid and the thought of “what if this is different? and it ends up worse” what helps you really calm down and be able to trust. your advice has always made a difference in my life

sorry if this is a trauma dump you are nobodies . Your advice for your another anons have helped me so much. feel free to answer if wanted. thank you for everything dream.

hewwo <3

it seems to me that although you think youre working on yourself a lot, you also just won't let go of what has happened, who you "were" and what you experienced back then. and you hold those beliefs a lot on others. you see people as something to be afraid of, something that could hurt you. something that is against you. and like that, you have this experience of people being such.

nothing could end up worse, thats the hardest pill to swallow. even in my darkest times, facing what i thought was my deepest fears at the time, i always survived and yet, i always looked back happily at what passed. because if someone is like that towards you, its best to let them free. if you are truly working on you, and forgiving yourself, and showing up in a better way... are they truly friends if they walk away from you easily? if everyone made mistakes, why arent you allowed to?

more than anything you have to truly let go and trust and stop trying to control the others in this situation. but i understand you a lot, when there's so much fear it becomes paralyzing, its not that easy to simply remember there is love and there is god and everything is okay. because in fact, it feels like nothing but that suffocating fear is real, and so you may act from that.

i think in those situations, all you can do is breathe. and little by little find ways to return to yourself again, to return to love. its not going to be overnight nor easy, but its a start. its a way. remember that true love does not judge, so stop judging yourself but also stop accepting that judgment from others, friends or not.

i hope this is somewhat helpful and you find yourself feeling relieved soon <3

[thesilliestofgals]

Ok silly little people in my computer, "yes" won for a Rosabella Beast drabble poll so, I started writing... and it ended up way past 100 words.

Oops.

I hope it's enjoyable! I'm not totally satisfied with it, but I took my best shot! A little warning: The characters that appear will likely be OOC!

And also, a quick note: if you've stumbled upon this and have absolutely no clue who or what Rosabella Beast is, I suggest checking out my rosabella beast tag, or my hypothetical eah rewrite tag! If you do, however, be careful, as there are spoilers within those tags!

Now on with the story!

Rosabella was all too familiar with the phrase don't judge a book by it's cover. It'd been implanted by her mother before she was conscious enough to understand what was being said to her. She'd made the mistake of not listening to that advice, and she'd paid dearly for it. Since then, Rosabella had held that as her mantra, swearing to never make such a foolish mistake again.

Now, as Blondie Lockes stood in her doorway, she couldn't help but wonder if she was going to just that. Rosabella hated to admit it, but Blondie was one of the few people she couldn't read. Even when peering over her glasses, the big haired girl's colors were constantly changing and melding together. That frustrated her to no end.

Her anxious and angry musings to herself were broken by Blondie giving her a smile, one that didn't quite meet her eyes. "Can I come in?", she asked, but it didn't really sounds like a request- more like a demand. Narrowing her eyes, Rosabella stepped aside, allowing her entry.

She slammed the door shut, turning to face the blonde as she surveyed the dorm. Taking a deep breath, Rosabella replied to Blondie's question with her own, being sure to lace it with extra sweetness. "How can I help you, Blondie?"

The other girl rolled her eyes and scoffed, waving a hand dismissively. "Oh, drop the act," she huffed, "you don't need to be a Beauty here when it's just the two of us."

Rosabella's train of thought crashed and burned into a fiery grave as she gawked at the amateur reporter. What, she wanted to roar, are you talking about? But instead, she clasped her hands behind her back and tilted her head slightly. "Whatever-after do you mean, Blondie?" she asked through gritted fangs.

Blondie smiled again, and this time, Rosabella felt a genuine twinge of... discomfort. The blonde seemed to staring her down like a predator with prey. Ironic, Rosabella mused, considering my heritage.

"I've been watching you," Blondie began, as if that wasn't the most creepiest thing someone could say to someone else. "and you may have everyone fooled, but not me. I see that look in your eyes, when you're talking to any of the Royals... or even some of the Rebels. Anger and disgust, like you know something about them that nobody else does. I was also about to figure out your own little secret, but I must admit, you're fairy good at hiding it."

Rosabella's stomach dropped. "Hiding what?" she all but snarled. The amateur reporter giggled behind her hand. "The fact that your destiny calls for you to be the Beast, of course!"

She couldn't take it anymore. Her self control snapped, and she lunged, feeling her human form give way to what had been carefully hidden away underneath. With powerful, clawed paws grasping her shoulders, Blondie was pinned against the farthest wall. Rosabella curled her lips back, showing off the fangs Blondie had remarked about. "What in Ever After do you want, Lockes?" Rosabella rumbled, tail lashing behind her, "Tell me, or you might have to put your stupid little podcast on an indefinite hiatus!" Her voice rose to a fever pitch, and she could feel the fabric of Blondie's sleeves begin to tear.

Impressively, Blondie remained physically unbothered, but her aura told a different story. A quick flash of fear- but before Rosabella could sink her teeth into that, the confidence quickly won out. "I don't need to be bribed," the blonde scoffed, lifting her chin, "I came to you with a proposition."

Rosabella arched her brow at that, and with great reluctance, released her and crossed her now-furry arms. "A proposition?" she grumbled, shoving the beast back in her cage and pulling the beauty from her prison. That was... a surprise. Rosabella hated surprises. "I'm listening," she growled, "but don't dawdle."

Blondie observed the transformation with a hum, the corners of her lips curling upwards. At Rosabella's demand, the blonde rolled her eyes. "Yes," she huffed, brushing a loose curl behind her shoulder, "I have a feeling that you and I both have very similar desires. I'm always searching for the next scoop of truth, and while you don't always show it, you're quite the... humanitarian.

I think we'd make quite the good team, you and I. Nobody can bear being five feet in my vicinity, but with you? You just be the Beauty, and everyone's spilling their guts to you. Am I wrong?" Rosabella cursed to herself. Blondie was like a nagging gnat in everyone's ear, but she could be quite observant if someone didn't know she was around, or let their guard down.

"...Not exactly, no." The brunette grumbled, eyeing her over the lenses of her glasses. Blondie's mouth split into another unnerving grin, and she clapped her hands. "That brings me to my proposition: you and I could work together. We could reveal everyone's dirty secrets, you know? Dust off all the skeletons stored away in those musty closets and display them for the world to see. Not for entertainment, no- for justice. I'm sure some people have some skeletons stored away that they would kill to keep hidden just because of how sensitive those secrets could be! And that's just not right, is it?"

Rosabella pursed her lips in thought. Blondie was crass about it, but... she had a little bit of a point. She could see some particularly nasty auras in passing conversations sometimes, camouflaging particularly nasty nuggets of information. It would be gratifying to see those sinister and secretive students get their just deserts.

"What's in it for you, though?" Rosabella hummed. The amateur reporter flipped a strand of hair again. "I'm a reporter- or a journalist, whatever after you want to call me. It's my narrative given duty to gather details and deliver these to the public in a fair and unbiased perspective!" She said this with a dramatic flare, waving her hands about. "Also, I like seeing people squirm. So, what do you say?"

Rosabella stood as still as one of the statues in her mother's garden, thinking. Don't judge a book by it's cover. She squinted, looking down through her glasses. Once again, she was met with a murky, swirling mess of colors. Working her jaw, she pushed them back up. "Okay," she rasped, stepping closer to the other girl again. "let's do it." She held out a hand, and Blondie firmly grasped it. Quickly, Rosabella pulled her close. "But I swear to Grimm," she sneered, "if you even try to stab me in the back in any way, shape, or form, you'll regret even knowing my name. Understood?"

Blondie's grip tightened, and she nodded. Huffing, Rosabella pulled away, releasing her hand. "So," she asked with an arched brow, "do you have any actual idea on how exactly we'll work together?" Blondie's eyes gleamed, and she pulled out her Mirrorpad from her messenger bag.

"Oh, I do." She tapped at the screen a few times before handing it over to the brunette, and as Rosabella scanned over what she'd been given, she realized that she had indeed made the same mistake as she had years ago, but this time, under completely different circumstances.

But maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't regret this.

[silvereternitywrites]

Genies and Laws

Prompt: You are a Genie but not a malicious one. Though you are bound by the Genie Code to grant wishes with some horrible or ironic twist you make a real effort to leave an obvious loophole and strongly hint how to avoid that fate. Unfortunately the Genie Council has found out and they aren't happy. Prompt Source: user Lorix_In_Oz; subreddit “Writing Prompts”

I crossed both arms over my chest, floating in the Council's Ring of Judgement.

"You can all just fuck right off and tie your tails in a Gordian knot," I snarled at the Assembly of Judging Genies.

I saw on their faces this was not what they were expecting. Cowering, maybe, or begging was usual, as was desperate, stammering explanations.

I, however, was furious.

"Not expecting me to be upset, were you? Didn't remember I bite? What, did you think that you'd haul me in like a misbehaving child and I'd meekly accept your chastisement? I. Mother. Fucking. WARNED YOU," I finished at a full roar, now with my second set of arms manifested and my hair turned into wrathful flames. Dammit, it was going to take ages to get back into a bun now.

"You have been warned before-"

"I AM AS MUCH A GENIE AS ANY OF YOU! Did I NOT. Act within the letter of the law as you so carefully laid it down the last time I was here? Am I not as much of a contract-finagler as any Judge who hovers here? Don't fucking try me! I warned you- I TOLD you, I don't want to have to think of some new fucking twist to perfectly nice, small wishes, but YOU all said it's Genie Law, no Genie is allowed to grant a wish exactly as it was most likely intended unless the language is explicit with little to no wiggle room! You said! You made your fucking wishes known and they did not align with my aims. Don't any of you float there and think you have the gods-damned right to reprimand me for what I am when you are all the same!"

Ah. My claws were out, too. A human could mistake me for an Ifrit, I was so angry and made of sharp edges.

"Clarification could always be applied," one of the judges said, and my attempts to breathe deep and calm down went up in one abrupt puff of white-hot fire.

"If you try to put any more restrictions on me I'll go rogue," I warned, voice dropping to a hiss, and they stiffened. My kind were rare these days; nobody but us knew the true depths of power we held, only that it was only our agreements to abide by the Council that kept us from doing whatever we wanted. Only we knew that each and every one of us had made different, individual deals when we agreed to be bound to the Council. Only each individual knew what line, when crossed, would break the agreement and send them 'rogue', bound to no rule but the Rule of Possession. Unlimited wishes, tethered to a mere material object, able to break the laws of physics, time, space, and some of magic.

"I have obeyed your ridiculous law of not abiding by the logical intent of wishes. It has never been- and must never be- forbidden to make loopholes obvious to wishers or there will be a full-scale genie rebellion. We've all met that one wisher who just wants to save a cat, or fund an animal shelter forever, or help their parents stop struggling with work. Do not try to keep genies from granting the wishes they want to grant. You've already made me do twice the work with this stupid loophole business because I can't just grant the wishes I want to without it being convoluted. Stop while you're ahead."

The council's silence stretched for seven eternities.

"No actions will be taken," the head judge said, unwilling to look me in the eyes. "Council dismissed."

Good. Even if this did mean I was back in the lamp. Back to my interrupted nap...

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

@loki-zen

the primary difference between you + the other person and me in this discussion is you both want to explain why 75% of respondants were wrong and stupid based on the internal logic of the question and I want to explore why they made that choice without implicitly judging them for it. survey bias and natural social predispositions explain what happened here.

the presentation of a group that will kill for the 'wrong choice' vs a group that involves no killing at all is a structure created by the question. the group that has no killing clause whatsoever is the more appealing group even if it includes a slight risk. people are unlikely to choose the option that includes arbitrary death when there is an option that includes no death at all.

it is anti-social to entertain arbitrary death, so it is not surprising that people were naturally a little repulsed by red. it is anti-social to kill people for choosing blue or allow them to die for it. "you get to live as long as you pick the right door" vs. "everyone gets to live" is the choice people were presented with. they naturally went against the option that included an arbitrary qualifier on who gets to live.

people didn't fail on logic, and it's also not 'a trust fall off a cliff edge that benefits nobody.' they were presented with a social scenario (everyone) and instinctively chose against a social scenario that includes arbitrary death.

here's another framing, "what if I chose the wrong door?" mistakes happen. people aren't perfect. do you let them die for a mistake or just remove the arbitrary death sentence?

[pleasantspark]

Requesting for a private chat to FINALLY talk out the "retarded" discourse.

Note: Anons are not allowed to commentate on this on any other blogs ONLY to send it to other people, I am tired of playing ping pong and I am wanting to speak to these people one on one, my business should be handled in private, WHICH I REQUESTED numerous times but was denied. It makes me feel like I am a child, and makes me very frustrated. People who claim I am some bigot or ableist does NOT have the full story, so if you want to speak then send them over. I am NOT gonna have a middle man speak to you, you lost all that right when you went behind my back. This is ALL I asked for, SINCE THE BEGINNING. I have requested kindly since the beginning and this is my FINAL attempt. I want to talk this out, and not be cowards about it, people who just want to swing down can fuck off, if you want to cry about me and snark about me, then good luck because this community spreads false allegations that can ruin people's lives. Reblogs are off because this needs to be left.

I dunno how can someone be offended at the word retarded when you can function properly, you don't have a nurse to care for you or a handler, you don't have to be bathed by someone, you can FULLY understand the words that people say.

You know whose actually retarded? Me. I literally have a handler, I have to be reminded constantly what to do, I have to be told when to bathe I STILL WET THE FUCKING bed.

Sometimes I can't even fucking take a bath properly on my own. The fact that people out here gets called retard even though they can give a full thesis on HOW a character in a FUCKING HELLSHOW is a pedophile is astonishing.

So much so the same person is out here responding to asks that literally said that Nigga and Faggot are less offensive then RETARDED.

...

You do realize the person you were being ableist to is black, gay and trans right? You DO REALIZE that you equated a medical term to YEARS worth of predjustice against MY people for years? My PEOPLE were taken as slaves, that had that word to dehumanize them?

If you want to call me ableist for using a word I am allowed to use is very policing like, you don't know me, and you don't get to say "FUCK YOU." because you assumed I am ableist when I literally JUST told you what TRUE ableism is, this whole beef was really stupid and proved to me what complete incompetent idiots people are.

FOR YEARS, I've dealt with actual ableism, I was judged for the way I act, was picked last constantly and used a lot. Alongside that I had to deal with racist people. You get called a word that does not apply to you, instead of ignoring it. You push the blame onto others for using the word.

Because of the immaturity of adults here, they DID not come to me personally, they contacted my family, MY FUCKING HANDLER and sent death threats to my grandma.

If you still want to argue the word, PLEASE come to my server and hop into VC. I already want to talk this out. This is the THIRD time I am asking for an audience or not. Because you DON'T people who duck out of a DM wants people to back them up they want random nobodies to help them in a losing battle, I see this as cowardly. They don't want to be alone with me, because they know they can't find people to support them or back them up.

I am not apologizing because that's bitch made. I'm tired of filtering myself around people who use me or use my account to target. If you have a problem with me oh I don't know FUCKING SPEAK TO ME. IF YOU CAN POST 200 reposts about how "Retarded is bad" then you can most fucking certainly respond to my request.

I am MORE mad about that, then whatever they claim I am mad about. It was NEVER about me not being able to say a word I am 100% allowed to, it was about me not speaking privately to handle it. They dissed my request publicly, placed me in an unsafe environment with NO regards to my wellbeing and are now getting sympathy for their OWN mistakes?

I don't know man, I find it very hilarious these are the same people who called a mentally disabled trans man an apath, using harmful ableist rhetoric against the person they accused. They do not care about ableism, they spread false allegations and now they get to walk away unscathed how uncouth and stupid are you?

Well, hopefully this shit doesn't happen again because it's like the second time these people were asked to handle something in private once with someone who requested and me. If this isn't repetitive behavior then I don't know what is. The server is STILL opened for discussions.

People cannot keep on saying Block = Win when they spread harmful misinformation and are completely ignoring me, I call that a coward move. A painfully disgusting cowardly move.

[themascarasnakeuniverse]

The seaside town.

I did not come here as often as my fellow students when I was studying. They used to make use of this place for drinking. I was mostly mindful of finances and went home after the pub closed. For that reason I had few memories here other than the nightclub on the pier which I allowed myself to be dragged to when I was not too worried about money. I found a place to park and walked towards the sea front. I was surprised to find the old nightclub was a fish and chip restaurant. I got out my camera and took a few shots of the frontage and the ornate lighting with the sunset in the background. I had had fish and chips for lunch and did not want to eat the same for my evening meal.

I found some small artisan shops selling tea towels and postcards depicting illustrations of this town and the neighbouring university town. There was obviously an effort to establish creative businesses here. It seemed a bit more “hipster” than where I had just been.

For my evening meal I found a pizza shop. The walls where adorned with wrestling and rock band posters. 90’s nu-metal tunes where playing and the gentleman who served me sported beards and piercings. I bet this place did a roaring trade at the weekends. The pizza was not bad either.

On the way back to the car I found another independent coffee shop. This one doubled as a vintage boutique. I ordered my drink and tried to start a conversation with the lady serving me. I asked how long they had been open and told her I was a student here in the nineties. She politely nodded and went about her business.

I had hit the limits of my introverted tendencies. Whilst I do like my own company I do sometimes feel I have too much of it. That is why I like my local pub. The company is there if I want it. If I do not I stay home. But there are times where I crave company and a connection. Today had been interesting. I had seen what I needed to see and perhaps laid some ghosts to rest. But now I wanted home, my home city a place where I could sit in the pub alone or say hello to someone who knew my name if I so chose. And that place was a two and a half hours drive away. I thanked the woman who served me as I finished my coffee and left. On the way back to the car I thought about which album or podcast to listen to on the way home.

When I got into my car I opened the map app and typed in my postcode. The place where I have lived alone for over a decade. The place where I live in my own mess. The place where I choose what to watch and listen to. The place where if I make a stupid mistake I can just fix it and nobody judges me, nobody even knows it happened. The place for which I am profoundly grateful.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Ok i got an monster tom x scientist reader au universe thing and no it does not take place in the red army base

Reader is a scientist and is asked to run some tests on a new specimen/monster they found, and when reader sees the specimen/monster they actually think it's kinda cute but then some other scientists shock him and even stick some needles in him and reader just feels bad for the specimen/monster at this point so nighttime rolls around and they hack into the cameras to shut them off and wear a mask so they won't get caught and go to the main room where the specimen/monster is they the reader introduces themselves to the monster the monster, thinking they're gonna hurt them, immediately backs off obviously scared and reader convinces the monster that they're not gonna hurt them and the monster shrinks as he's mostly human and says "your not gonna hurt me?" And they reassure him that they're not gonna hurt him and they sneak into the readers car and drives off the lab that the monster was in and reader asks what the "monsters" name is and says their name is "tom". Then reader makes a pit stop to a store real quick to get tom some clothes and then reader drives to they're home and introduces tom to their room and asks if they want some food/ take out or not an he says yes and they get some chinese food and watch some TV, after eating they both go to bed and reader suddenly finds themselves in Toms arms whimpering a little, and reader just kinda decides to pet his hair and rub his horns a little bit which make him purr then tom wraps his tail around reader and asks them to do it more and they do do that untill they notice that he's asleep then they both fall asleep.

Whew, I enjoyed writing this one ^^

Summary: Reader, a scientist, rescues Monster Tom from the lab that experimented on him and brings him home

...............

"Dr. [L/n], I'll let you oversee today's tests on TR-03."

"Alright, chief." You smiled awkwardly as your supervisor handed you the clipboard. It contained the subject's information: a one-eyed horned monster of an unknown species, though your colleagues have theorized it to be a demon. "What kind of tests are we running on it?"

"Resistance to electric shocks. There's evidence of uranium possibly circulating in its blood, so you'll be watching them extract samples as well."

As he explained, your smile gradually dropped as you looked over the information, seeing a ton of redacted information, including several incidents of the destruction it caused prior to its capture.

"So it's gonna be shocked and stuck with needles? Sounds painful."

"Its armor is thick, so it shouldn't feel a thing. Besides...I don't think you need to worry about whether it'll be painful for it." Your supervisor spoke in a rather condescending tone. "After all it's just an animal."

"I...yes, sir. I'll go oversee the tests right away." Not wanting to argue further, you just left his office and wandered through the building.

You were eager yet anxious to meet this monster.

Eventually you reached the area where the creature was being held, climbing up the stairs that led to the skybridge so you could look down into its holding chambers.

It was a massive dark purple creature, with two bright violet horns and a single black eye. Surprisingly it was allowed full movement, though judging from the many claw marks on the walls...it wouldn't surprise you if one day it was chained up to restrict such behavior.

You actually thought it was..kind of cute? It looked scary in pictures, but up-close it didn't seem as terrifying.

That only made you feel more pity for it as other scientists entered the chamber, clad in protective suits, with electric prongs and needles.

Almost immediately the monster seemed aware of what they were going to do, its eye widening as it stood on both feet and cowered in the corner. It growled in warning, only for a scientist to jab its leg with a prong in response, eliciting a roar of pain.

You physically flinched, feeling bad for the creature. But you took notes on its response to electric shocks.

Subject recognized equipment immediately, perceiving them as danger. Responded painfully to electricity.

Soon after being tortured, the monster seemed dazed, allowing another scientist in a hazmat suit to approach it and stick a needle into its hip. The vial of blood collected turned out to be red, with a glowing green aura.

As you took more notes, you heard a small whimper and looked down, seeing that the monster wasn't putting up a fight.

Instead it was...crying?

Sure enough, tears leaked from its eye as more of its blood was drawn, being electrocuted as some sick form of "sedation". It was hard to tell whether the people inside felt any sort of sympathy, but they just took their leave without saying a word to each other. Only a mere nod.

You didn't want to be here any longer than you needed to, so you finished your report and began heading back to your office.

Though you noticed the monster looking up at you, and you couldn't help but frown and murmur a simple:

"I'm sorry."

.............

After your shift was over, normally you'd go home for the night.

But on the ride home...you kept thinking of TR-03 and couldn't shake the images and sounds of its pain.

The way it responded to just seeing the prongs, and the way it looked at you as though it was begging for help, seemed far too human for it to be just a mindless animal.

Of course, you never questioned the secrets this lab kept--not wanting to be fired. But they seemed to be hiding a lot of stuff about this specimen, never speaking about its origins or even what it was capable of.

You may have only seen it for the first time today, but you wanted to know more about it. And you had a feeling that you won't get the answers you wanted by asking around.

Oh no..you were going to free it in order to find out the truth.

Not just to satisfy your own curiosity, but also because...the way it was being treated was far too cruel. To the point where it was crying.

You couldn't stand for this unethical treatment any longer. You had to do something..and be smart about it lest you got killed or worse.

After making a quick stop at a store, you found a mask and changed your clothes, completely disguising yourself. Then you got back in your car and returned to the lab, parking it somewhere far away so that you can sneak inside.

Fortunately you had security access in case any of the specimen breached their chambers. Thanks to your hacking skills you were able to disable every security camera you could find, putting them all on timers so they'd turn on later in the morning. You didn't want to rouse any suspicion.

That was the easy part.

The most important and difficult task lied ahead.

...........

As soon as you entered the monster's chamber, it woke up and grumbled with annoyance. Clearly it didn't like its rest being disturbed.

Though upon seeing you and the mask you wore, it tilted its head. "Grrrah..?"

"Shhh, it's okay." You whispered, removing the mask so it could see your face. While you were awestruck to actually see it up close and personal, you knew you had to keep calm.

But that might've been a mistake as it seemed to recognize you--the one who was watching it earlier today. It immediately backed into a corner, terrified as its chest began heaving with anxiety.

You couldn't blame it for its reaction, though your gently put your hands up and hushed it. "Please don't panic. I'm not here to hurt you. I wanna get you out of here."

"Hrrgrah?"

"Mhm." Smiling, you just pretended you could understand it. "I don't like how they treat you here. They call you an animal but..I know you're more than that."

The monster calmed down a little, before glancing up to the opposite corner. He made a noise of confusion upon seeing that the security camera's annoying red light wasn't blinking.

"I shut that off so nobody can hear or see us."

"H...ack..?"

You blinked, surprised that it could speak some English, but the fact it wasn't cowering like before was a sign it was trusting you. "Yep, I hacked the whole security complex. Now's our chance to escape, but..ah shit."

Suddenly, it never occurred to you: your mission was focused on getting to the monster, but you never considered how you'll get out with the monster.

"Damn..I'm not sure how we'll sneak you out without...." However, you trailed off as you saw it changing into a smaller form.

But it wasn't just shrinking, it was actually turning partially human.

How curious, nobody told you about that. Maybe that was part of the redacted information.

The monster turned out to be a human male, who still retained his horns, tail, and dark scales and fur, which covered his body. His brown hair was messy and spiky, and interestingly enough he had two black eyes.

He didn't have any clothes, obviously, so you took off your coat and put it around him. "So you're human, huh?"

"Your stupid friends' experiments wouldn't let me turn back for a while..." He grumbled in a slight British accent. "You sure you're not gonna hurt me?"

Understandably he got defensive, knowing you were working for the people who tortured him. But you shook your head. "No, I won't. I'm quitting this shithole and I'll take you with me." You took his hand reassuringly, noting that it was still clawed.

He gave you the tiniest of smiles in return. "Heh, glad we're both in agreement."

Soon you both quickly made your escape, luckily not running into any trouble. Your car was still parked right where you left it, so you got in and drove off.

You definitely won't miss working for that lab.

The roads were mostly empty at this time of night, so you were able to breathe easy knowing nobody's gonna chase you. Now seemed to be the best time to talk with the monster.

"So uh..do you have a name?" You spoke up. "I know they call you TR-03 but it doesn't feel right to call you that anymore."

"Tom." He answered as he looked out the window. "My name's Tom Ridges."

'Huh, that explains his code name.'

"I'm [y/n]." After noticing a nearby plaza, you saw a clothing store and decided to make a quick stop there. Tom seemed to be confused, and a bit worried when you left him in the car all alone, though you reassured him you were just buying some clothes for him.

He waited, trying to keep himself out-of-view in case any strangers got too nosy. But before long you were back, opening the driver's side as you peered in and sighed with relief, seeing him halfway out of the chair.

"Jeez, you scared me..thought somebody got you." You sighed, shaking your head.

"S-Sorry, not trying to get any unwanted attention. It's the last thing I need.." He sat upright, though he was surprised when you handed him a bag. Inside was a blue hoodie, boxers, and gray sweatpants. "Oh, cool."

'That's all he has to say?' His reaction was a bit underwhelming. 'Then again..maybe he hasn't processed that he's never going back to that hell chamber yet.'

You just shut the door and waited for him to get dressed, and when he tapped on the window you got back into the car. He definitely looked more comfortable now.

After giving him a smile, you continued on your way home, feeling glad that you rescued him from that place. You had no idea if he had any place to go, granted you don't recall seeing any information on his address nor any relationships.

So he'll stay with you.

...........

"Luckily I got a spare room. Excuse the mess." You chuckled as you showed Tom the extra room in your house, turning on the light. "You can stay here for as long as you'd like."

He nodded as he looked around, before feeling his stomach grumble. In embarrassment he put a hand over it, glancing at you. "Sorry..the food they had was shitty, I'm sure you knew."

"Yeah...you want takeout?" You took out your phone. "I don't feel like cooking tonight so I was gonna order some anyway."

"Sounds good."

"Alrighty, I'll call in the order. We can go watch TV while we wait."

Once more Tom nodded, following you into the living room space where you both sat down on the sofa. He sighed and leaned back, turning on the TV while you ordered some Chinese food.

This situation felt so...comforting and familiar..

For a moment he gazed at you, seeing you look through the menu.

He knew he wasn't the only prisoner back in that lab. So he couldn't understand why you'd choose him, of everyone you could've helped, but...he considered himself lucky.

For once he felt like he could let his guard down a little.

Some time later the food arrived to your house, and you both ate it while watching various TV programs. You asked Tom a bit more about his home life, though he didn't have much to talk about.

Whether he didn't want to say anything or forgot it thanks to the experiments was a mystery, but you wouldn't pry. You'll get your answers sooner or later, though not tonight.

Tonight you both deserved a good rest.

Afterwards you headed off to your own room, letting him know that he can knock on your door if he ever needed anything.

You got into your pajamas and crawled into bed, yawning.

It had definitely been an eventful day. You were eager to sleep in, knowing that you won't ever go back to your boring (and unethical) job.

But just as you had turned off the lights and dozed off, you heard your door creak open. With a slightly annoyed sigh, you sat up and turned on the lamp beside you, before seeing it was Tom.

"Tom? Your room is..."

Though you fell silent when you heard him...whimper? His eyes were white, indicating he was in some kind of distress.

But he crawled onto your bed, practically situating himself in your arms while making sure he didn't jab you with his horns. You were perplexed by his actions, though you finally realized..

He was just scared.

You held him in your arms, rubbing his horns soothingly and petting his hair, murmuring promises that he was safe. In response he nuzzled up to you, tail wrapping around your body as you both laid down.

You only stopped for a moment as he started purring, which made you chuckle softly. "Purring, huh? That's new."

"Can you keep doing that?" He grumbled, closing his eyes. "It was nice till you stopped."

"O-Oh right, sorry." You continued the previous motions, deciding to hum a small song as well to help him sleep.

Eventually you stopped once he dozed off completely, and your cheeks felt warm upon seeing how adorable he looked. 'And to think I was afraid of this guy?' You mused, before turning off the lamp light.

Soon enough you fell asleep as well.

If this is how Tom expressed his thanks...you'll take it.

[madeincosmos]

Things learned at school that I am still unlearning

1. You only have one chance to do anything, and if you fail you’re either stupid or lazy

2. Asking questions gets you in trouble

3. There’s only one correct way to do things, and it’s up to authority to decide which way it is

4. Your work is only worth as much as the local authority decides it is worth

5. You are only supposed to work on things that are assigned to you

6. You need explicit permission each time you want to do anything that wasn’t specifically assigned to you, including taking a pee

7. Cooperating with other people is cheating

8. Your work doesn’t have to serve any purpose other than measuring how much you’re worth, it will likely be discarded right away

9. You must be smart but not too smart, doing things ahead of the schedule gets you in trouble

10. Knowledge comes from lectures and books rather than experimentation

11. Education has to be serious, if you’re having too much fun you’re going to get grounded

12. Moving your body is forbidden, except for 2h/week when you will be measured on your ability to play ball games

13. There can be only one top performer, and it matters who this is

14. If you re-use something you've done before, that's cheating

15. The quality of your work can be summarized with a single number

16. It's important to be a "critical thinker", but only about things you've been told to be critical of

17. Drudgery in school is necessary as a preparation for even worse drudgery at work

18. There is no feedback, only evaluation and judgement

19. It doesn't matter if my writing actually helps me understand what I'm thinking about or is useful to anyone, as long as it sounds good and has no obvious errors

20. If an authority says something I think is incorrect, misleading, or confused, I may get punished for trying to correct or clarify

21. You are trapped in this institution. No matter how poorly it's run or how miserable you are, you can't leave

22. If you do good work that doesn't check some arbitrary boxes, it's not good work

23. You can’t choose your own projects. They need to be given to you by someone in authority. Anything you come up with doing on your own is inherently nonproductive

24. Good writing is verbose writing. Brevity will be punished

25. If there is a problem with how you do at school, you are the one who's at fault

26. The whole point of spending most of your waking hours at school for a dozen years or so is to determine if you’re a “good student” or not

27. You need to do exactly what you're told to do, asking for reasons why you're supposed to do it and about possible consequences will get you in trouble

28. You're not allowed to resolve conflicts on your own, an authority figure will step in and decide who's in the wrong (usually both) and how they need to be punished

29. Everyone needs to do exactly the same thing at the same time

30. The best response to a problem is to punish everyone equally

31. Nobody cares about how things look like from your point of view

32. There’s no context, no parallels with other disciplines, no connections between things you might have learned elsewhere, only individual bite-sized chunks of knowledge

33. Any interaction with an adult might be used to evaluate, judge or punish you

34. Your interests or personal life don’t matter, you must only speak when prompted, and only about the things the authority figure wants you to speak

35. If you made a mistake, it means you are worthless

36. You’ll never need to iterate on one thing for a long period of time, everything you create will probably end up in trash anyway

37. Experts are always right and never make any mistakes

38. You’re required to do every single thing anyone ever asks you to do at 100% of your capacity, everything is equally important and there are no priorities or tradeoffs

39. If you don't have an official certificate signed by some recognized authority proving that you're capable of doing something, you should probably leave that to experts in the field

40. Collaboration on a group project means that whoever cares most does all the work

41. School is the only source of knowledge. there's no other way to learn

42. Vacation, unlike school, is fun and exciting

43. Caring a lot about anything is nerdy and low-status

44. I can't make food. I only eat what I'm given

45. Learning only happens in a building, sitting at a desk, and listening to someone talk

46. The only way to solve problems is a top-down authoritarian decision that puts everyone in their proper place

47. You’re not allowed to ask anyone for help

48. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the middle of something interesting, you need to drop it immediately and move on to the next thing whenever asked or you will get punished

49. Every time you interact with an expert or someone in a position of authority, you are being evaluated. Make sure to impress them with how much you know

50. There is one correct answer to every question, and it applies equally well to everyone

51. If what you’re currently doing isn’t working, your only option is to TRY HARDER

52. Learning is something you do because it is Simply What Is Done, and you would be punished otherwise, not something you do because you have an intention or goal that learning will help you achieve

53. Only activities assigned to you by someone else have value, doing whatever you feel like doing is wasting time

54. The only way to achieve anything meaningful or important is through brute force, left to your own devices you’d just bum around

None of these is true in real life.

[your-brilliant-lady-m]

Part 4 - Basic Concepts of Miraculous Ladybug: Glamour

You can call it however you want: kid's show logic, superhero disguise logic, magical girl show logic, cartoon laws, suspension of disbelief, etc. But the fact that nobody recognises Marinette, Adrien and others when they are suited up IS NOT BAD WRITING. It's one of the main laws of this genre. That's not because characters are stupid, okay? So, being frustrated that everyone in the show acts stupid about this "wearing a mask that covers only eyes" trope is strange. This criticism is not valid or fair.

But, this trope has to make sense in-universe as a worldbuilding and narrative element.

Miraculous doesn't give us much direct information on how glamour works. And in this case, I think we need both SHOW and TELL. Because if you don't establish the glamour rules clearly, you are going to run into problems and create unfortunate implications with your storytelling choices.

Appearance

Miraculous obviously gives our heroes magical glamour. In "Lady WiFi" we find out that masks can't be taken off. It's magic. No other explanation is needed.

Miraculous can slightly change the appearance of users (eyes, face shape, height and hairstyles). People can identify and notice the hairstyles of heroes (numerous Ladybug wigs, statue in Copycat). Jagged Stone points out the change of hair when he mistakes Chloe for Ladybug ("Antibug"). But it's just a costume. There is no magic that prevents Jagged from understanding that Chloe isn't Ladybug. So, how does it work? But it's forgivable because it's cartoon logic. Suspension of disbelief works here, I suppose. I won't judge this too harshly.

Glamour also obviously prevents people from making a connection that Marinette and Ladybug have identical hairstyles. So people know that Ladybug wears her hair in pigtails, but magic does not allow them to notice similarities.

Another important question. Does glamour work on Kwamis? Can they see who is behind the mask?

New York Special makes it clear that magic does not affect robots and they can see through glamour. Does that mean that Markov, AI built by Max, knows the identities of Ladybug and Chat Noir? And it's never addressed.

Plagg in "Frightningale" says that holders can subconsciously choose their superhero appearance. This is actually pretty interesting and I like this idea a lot. Except the show is not consistent with this. The transformation of Master Fu looks identical to Nathalie's. And we have seen how different from each other Ladybug and Black Cat holders looked in the past. At the same time, Master Fu and Nino have different takes on Turtle superhero suit.

Age Glamour

Does age glamour exist? Do people see Ladybug, Chat Noir and other heroes as adults even when they look like teenagers to the audience (their height and build are smaller even when they are transformed)? Is that why no one ever questions the fact that children nearly die on a daily basis?

I mentioned unfortunate implications earlier. Well, this is where they come into play. Let's talk about "Copycat". A lot of people discussed it before me, so I won't bore you with details.

When I watched "Copycat" for the first time Theo's crush on Ladybug didn't bother me, because I thought that he sees Ladybug as his peer, a girl who is about 20-23 years old. Theo is an artist, his character design is that of an adult. He has his own studio, its appearance indicates that he did serious commissions in the past. The guy has no idea that Ladybug is like 13.

But then we get "Heroes' Day" and "Ladybug". And Hawkmoth calls them "kids", which means that there is no age glamour. Others see Ladybug and Chat Noir as teenagers. Perhaps, other Miraculous users aren't affected by age glamour. Therefore regular people see all heroes as adults but other heroes are able to guess their age more or less correctly. But you must spell this thing out because the audience can interpret "Copycat" differently. If there is no age glamour, then Theo is crushing on a teenage girl and he is fully aware of this fact. And this doesn't look good for your show.

The "No Age Glamour" theory is further confirmed in "Sapotis" where Alya just straight up analyses voice recordings and says that Ladybug is a girl their age. If glamour exists then it should also cover technology. Kwami can't be photographed. Face and voice recognition software shouldn't be able to analyse transformed superheroes and detect their identities in any way.

Besides, after "Sapotis" Alya should definitely be sure that Ladybug is not 5000 years old (also not an adult), especially after she wore Miraculous herself and was one door away from detransformed Ladybug.

SEASON 4 UPDATE! There's no age glamour after all.

In "Furious Fu" Su Han calls Chat Noir a child without knowing his identity. It means that everyone knows their superheroes are teenagers. "Copycat" can't be saved from that, uh, subtext anymore. No one questions the danger of their job or the balance of their lives outside of the mask. No one doubts their competence after "Origins" ever again. No one becomes annoyed after being bossed around by two teenagers in spandex. You had many opportunities to drop these details into the narrative. Someone could have been akumatized over this (I will not be ordered around by some magical kids!).

I don't know why writers decided not to use at least this idea and slightly adjust "Copycat" if they got rid of the age glamour completely. It can be explained as kid's show logic, but unfortunately, I'm reluctant to do it. If many characters sympathise with akuma victims on-screen, why not with the teenage superheroes who must fight them?

New York Special had this weird focus on collateral damage out of nowhere (the damage done by sentimonster Robostus) and yet it has 0 effect on the main story. No one in Paris is pissed that their 2 teenage protectors weren't there.

Ironically, "Furious Fu" and that one remark made by Su Han also created unfortunate implications for other moments in the show. Just hear me out. Apparently, Jagged Stone wrote a "thank you" song for Ladybug knowing that she is 13-15 year old child back in "Pixelator". Fandom is more than happy to roast Lila for lying about saving Jagged Stone's cat and him writing her a "thank you" song. Fandom claims that Lila's tale could harm Jagged's reputation, when he wrote a song for teenage Ladybug several weeks prior. Meanwhile, in-universe this lie is 100% believable.

If we put on "realism glasses", then both this whole song situation and Theo's crush in "Copycat" have uncomfortable implications. However, the show's canon can't be viewed and criticised through "realism glasses". I admit that bits and pieces of my criticisms are affected by these "glasses", but, ultimately, I'm trying to be fair and concentrate only on things that can't be justified by "cartoon logic and worldbuilding".

Could the existence of age glamour solve this problem of unfortunate implications and other concerns mentioned above? YES. Is it better for the narrative? YES. Is essential for the story? NOT QUITE. Could the absence of age glamour be called an irredeemable storytelling flaw? NO.

Disclaimer: On a side note, only older audience can notice these implications. Children, the target audience, most likely won't understand this subtext simply because they don't have enough experience. So, perhaps, this criticism is unfair, because these moments only look weird to me as an adult. It's like an adult joke in a cartoon that you don't get until you reach a certain age.

There's nothing technically wrong with adult writing a "thank you" song for a teenager. It's just an expression of gratitude. However, unfortunately, we live in a world, where adults normally wouldn't write songs for teens to express gratitude only. In real life similar actions would imply pedophilia and would be actively scorned by the public. No one would risk their reputation like that even if their intentions were genuinely pure and sincere. But this show can't be viewed through "realism glasses", because it's a cartoon and in certain cases we as the audience must use suspension of disbelief and pretend that certain things are possible for plot to happen.

Su Han also wants to give Ladybug and Black Cat to adults. Why didn't Master Fu do this then? Writers don't give us any explanation. Throughout the show we never question this up until the moment it's revealed that adults don't have time-limited powers. Then comes "Furious Fu". Story suddenly becomes self-aware here. Because apparently nothing prevented Fu from giving the most powerful Miraculous to adults who won't have time limit and will be more effective against Hawkmoth (see part 3 for more details).

I have a very good example of Age Glamour done right. It works in the story. There is no confusion or unfortunate implications. There is like one plothole connected to the glamour (it's been years and I still can't forgive them for Cornelia and Caleb) but otherwise, it's a pretty solid example of both show and tell. Clearly, writers wanted to avoid uncomfortable implications which are present in "Copycat". I am talking about W.I.T.C.H. comic books and animated series.

If you are not familiar with it, I'll give you a brief explanation. The story follows 5 girls, the Guardians of Kandrakar who are chosen to protect their world and parallel ones from evil. They receive magical powers from the amulet known as the Heart of Kandrakar. Their powers are based on elements: fire, water, earth, air and energy. Our main characters are about 13-15 years old. In the animated series they are younger and they attend middle school, making them 12-14 years old. But the transformation makes them look 18-20. They look like young women to each other and to other people. At the same time, people can recognise them, their looks and voice don't change. Most people don't know that they are really teenagers when they are not transformed and these people don't know that magic can make them look older. That's why everyone treats Guardians like adults when they are transformed. Comics establish this fact in the very beginning. In first issues characters state that they look older, we are also shown this multiple times.

In fact, one of the first side plots revolves around the fact that Irma uses her powers to sneak into the disco club to meet up with her crush. Irma is 13 at the beginning of the series, she is a high school freshman. Her crush, Andrew Hornby is a senior guy 17-18 years old. Irma has liked him for a long time and wants to impress him, so she decides to be clever about this. She transforms into her Guardian form of the 18-year-old girl, hides her wings, sneaks out to the club after her parents are asleep without any problem, and meets Andrew, who obviously doesn't recognise Irma in this girl who looks about his age. Smitten Andrew offers her a ride and 13-year-old Irma doesn't understand the implication of that offer, so she accepts. And, obviously, he decides that she is interested in more than just a ride home, since she agreed, and the comic implies that he fully intended for them to have sex in the backseat of his car. But Irma understands the implication only when Andrew tries to kiss her. She panics and turns him into a frog. And she actually pulls this "I need to look mature" trick more than once over the course of the series.

It's not the only situation where this age difference is handled well and makes sense. People who know the main characters in everyday life remark on their older appearance during transformation. Sometimes people flirt with Guardians when they are transformed. In one of the side-novels centred around Cornelia, she is worried that the prince of the realm they helped to save from famine would try to marry her. That never happens, but Cornelia actually brainstorms with her friends about how to tell the prince that she is really 15.

There are many other plot points where this happens, but I think that you got the idea. I really like how "Age Glamour" was handled in W.I.T.C.H.

How do we fix this? Create the situations where people offhandedly mention "Age Glamour" in the presence of Marinette or Adrien, use Kwami for this.

"Don't worry, dear. Chat Noir and Ladybug are adults, who know what they are doing. I am sure that they will handle this. "

Theo could say: "Oh, I wonder which university Ladybug goes to?"

"So, does that mean that other people see us as grown-ups, Tikki?"

A few words and boom, problem solved. Then allow the "show don't tell" rule do the rest.

[the-lone-witch-and-secret-room]

So, i'm seeing people saying that Amity may sabotage Luz's attempts to get home, judging by the episode's title Yesterday's lie. What are your thoughts?

This post just about sums it up. Amity isn’t even mentioned in the episode synopsis, and it’s not like Luz is planning to leave for good. I feel like people are jumping the gun on that one.

I don’t think we should be taking the “yesterday” in that statement so literally. I don’t actually think it’s about what happened the day before (we don’t even have confirmation that Eclipse Lake takes place a day before this episode). It seems way more likely that it’s just referring to something that just in general happened in the past. On that note, keep in mind, they have to keep the titles in line with the message that the episodes spell out. There’s only so many words that begin with Y and would make sense in this context.

(Also nobody would title an episode “that lie from three months ago”, lol)

And consider: we’ve had episode titles that were intentionally misleading before. “The Intruder” was meant to trick the viewers into thinking someone actually broke into the house, rather than the monster being cursed Eda.

Rather than Amity lying to Luz, there’s a way more obvious ongoing lie related to Luz in the show that I’m pretty sure this is referring to. It’s how she’s been lying to her mom about what she’s up to. Since Camila is in the trailers for the season 1A promo, I feel like the episode is about Camila finding out the truth/Luz being forced to come clean to her once she’s stepped back through the portal into her world. That’s what Luz isn’t sure she’s ready for.

Also I feel like the whole “Amity tries to prevent Luz from going home”-idea is kind of stupid to begin with? Amity was in love with Luz before the portal blew up. We didn’t see her attempting to destroy the portal back then.

Like guys this girl is fourteen, not some manipulative evil mastermind??? I like angst as much as the next person but like… that’s taking it a bit far. Amity attempting to force Luz to stay in the Boiling Isles would cause a major falling out, and not one they could just bounce back from. We’re likely only getting this one season and then three 40 minute specials. That’s not enough time to cover Luz and Amity trying to repair their relationship after a mess like this and everything else that’s been set up to happen.

There’s also another reason why I don’t think this title is referring to Amity, and that’s how Amity in general has been portrayed so far. She’s been raised to think of love as something conditional. Something you need to earn and something you lose if you don’t do what that person wants—which is why she tries so hard to prove herself to her parents (something she’s now finally starting to break out of). She is used to putting other people’s wishes before her own when she seeks their approval.

Amity loves Luz. And I think more than anything, she wants Luz to be happy. She wants to be with her, but she’s not going to force Luz to stay if that’s not what Luz wishes to do. Amity has been forced to do a whole bunch of things throughout her life by people that supposedly love her, and I just can’t see her doing the same thing to Luz when she’s been through that kind of manipulation a million times over and knows exactly what it feels like.

If she manipulates Luz like that and Luz catches her, she’d also risk losing her for good, and Amity doesn’t take risks that big easily. She’s used to having to give 120% because even 110% aren’t enough for her parents, and if there’s the ghost of a chance she could fail, she doesn’t even try. Up until she meets Luz, she doesn’t do anything against her parents wishes, despite knowing how much the twins get away with, because there’s a chance that she wouldn’t get away with it. She’s afraid of rejection, and since there’s a chance Luz could say no to her, she doesn’t ask her out. She’s also lost the most important person in her life (Willow) through her own actions once before, and I just cannot see her risking that again.

Amity is starting to take more risks now, because Luz inspires her to, but she’s changing as a person way beyond “she’s willing to take more risks”.

Screwing other people over to get what she wants (which is very much something she probably internalized considering the household she grew up in) is something Amity would’ve done before she met Luz, before Luz inspired her to be better. She cut Willow off because her parents asked her to. She used to tattle on the twins all the time because she wanted her parents’ approval. She burned Willow’s photo so people wouldn’t find out they were friends, even if it meant hurting Willow in the progress.

She did everything she could so her parents would be proud of her, so they would love her, even if it meant hurting others.

And Luz slowly changed everything. Luz, who is reckless, and selfless, and always stands up for the people she cares about, even when it means putting herself in harm’s way in the progress. Luz, who helped Amity fix things with Willow. Luz and her current friends inspire Amity to be a better person. “They’re nice to each other. They listen to each other. They make me think about the kind of person I really want to be”, to directly quote Escaping Expulsion. And that person isn’t the kind of manipulator her parents are, who will stop at nothing to get what they want, even if people get hurt in the progress.

That person is selfless, and does the right thing, no matter what. She made her first step towards that in Understanding Willow, when she fixes her mistake and faces her past misdeeds in the progress, even if it’s hard, even if she doesn’t want to, because it’s the right thing to do. Because she owes it to Willow, and she owes her an apology. In Wing it like Witches, she follows through on her promise to stand up for Willow and breaks ties with her old friends, even if her parents will definitely hear of that. Even at the risk of painting a target on her back for Boscha, Skara and their friends. Heck, she puts herself in harm’s way in the literal sense to give Luz a chance to win the game.

And in Escaping Expulsion, she even risks angering her parents to help Luz and her friends. The parental approval that she’s worked for for so hard for so many years is at stake, and she chooses to do risk everything to do the right thing, to help her friends. She chooses the people who treat her right, who make her happy.

Her powerful speech would be meaningless if Amity would then turn around and sabotage Luz. It says a ton about how much Luz trusts Amity that she trusts Amity to get something portal-related for her in Eclipse Lake, and I just cannot see Amity betraying that trust. It’s possible that Amity struggles with the thought of Luz going home in that episode, but I cannot see her doing anything to sabotage something that’s this important to Luz. That would be a huge disservice to her character in my opinion.

Seeing that episode title and going “this means Amity is lying to Luz and sabotaging her for her own selfish desires” is to completely ignore all of Amity’s character development. Amity isn’t that person anymore. She’s trying really hard to be better. If she were to sabotage Luz’s attempts at going home, and choosing that over open communication, it would be a huge step back for her.

Honestly, it feels more likely that Amity ends up choosing to openly communicate her feelings, which would be a huge, huge thing for her. Maybe when they say their temporary goodbye she says something like “you better come back soon” and kisses Luz before she leaves (which would align with her allowing herself to take more risks if they’ll make her happy that we’ve seen a bunch of lately).

To circle back to the beginning, like I said, it’s very likely that Yesteday’s Lie focuses on Luz’s relationship with her mom, and Luz freaking out at the prospect of telling her everything. How much of a role her friends and Amity play in it is very up in the air, even if as mentioned I could see this scenario leading into a confession scene.

[vintageseawitch]

severus snape was not just a bully he was a literal racist and that did not change over the years unlike other characters' attitudes 🙏🙏🙏 what the fuck how are you pro-snape

hmmm. i feel there's an extremely back-handed compliment here. are you a lurker? are we mutuals? do i follow you or do you follow me? whatever the capacity, it feels silly to ask, but: are you new here? my bio, though novella in length because keeping things in a tiny, succinct packages is not my forte, clearly states at some point that Severus Snape is important enough to me to be mentioned a considerable amount. i'll be very sad if i follow you & enjoy the content you post because tbh this anon is super disappointing. the most common types i tend to receive are snaters who are too cowardly to tell me to my face they have nothing better to do than judge people doing the least harmful thing imaginable: loving/liking/appreciating a controversial, FICTIONAL FUCKING CHARACTER.

"he was a literal racist and that did not change over the years unlike the other characters' attitudes" ummm fucking WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. what canon evidence do you have for this except your own warped headcanons?? Snape said the word "mudblood" fucking ONCE, as a teenage boy, while getting sexually assaulted by more than one person, in public, with no one there attempting to stop them. then Snape's one friend tries to defend him & Snape snaps something stupid because he was afraid & pissed off & ashamed. don't tell me YOU'VE never said something you're later ashamed of while in a temper or feeling cornered. don't tell me YOU'RE not allowed to make mistakes. that's right, it was a mistake, & he realized immediately so he tried to fix it & in the end his friendship wasn't worth it to her so he was alone, surrounded by people who won't help him, who let some other teenage boys get away with attempted murder, & adults who don't give a shit about him making him ripe for plucking. Snape fucking CRINGES then yells at Phineas Nigellus for calling Hermione that while the trio's on the run & Snape is an unwilling headmaster!!! have you forgotten this???? if anyone is racist it's Molly Weasley for her treatment of Fleur which was never given a legit reason why she behaved the way she did. i don't even want to try to count how many times Draco Malfoy calls Hermione a mudblood; are you harassing people with hateful anons for liking Draco? is he somehow more deserving of a redemption than Severus? if you think that, go fuck yourself.

Severus Snape made a mistake when he was very young. he was alone, traumatized, full of bitterness & anger. he first came over to the side of the light for selfish reasons but then so did Regulus & Narcissa & i never see people attacking THEM. Snape made a mistake & worked to atone for this & for 17 years most take for granted he was the puppet for two megalomaniacal masters, neither of whom gave a damn about his life (Dumbledore was worse in SO many ways). in the end, it seems like snaters feel like no matter what you do, no matter what is in your heart & everything you do to try to make it right, your mistake will always define you & death is all you deserve soduspsjapxjosn FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK ANYONE WHO BELIEVES THIS.

"Severus Snape was not just a bully" yeah you're right he was also honorable, good-at-heart, brave as fuck, fucking brilliant, & while sharp-edged, was dryly hilarious. also, don't you get tired of this same fucking "argument"?? because Snape wasn't the only bully in canon. Molly Weasley is one. so is Dumbledore. so is Hermione. so is Draco, Crabbe, & Goyle. SO WERE THE MARAUDERS. Peter Pettigrew turned out to be one of the worst; do you ever anonymously bully anyone for liking them if they do? while not counting for taste, if anyone DOES like his character, IT'S NOT. MY FUCKING. BUSINESS. nobody is hurting me for liking that character. i am not hurting YOU for liking a character. it's just easier for you to pull this fucking performative, fake-woke, absolutely repulsive purity-culture enabling bullshit than to speak up about things that fucking ACTUALLY MATTER.

do you want to know some characters i like that are ACTUALLY disturbing/toxic/any negative thing you can think of?? i like Acton from the Doyle & Acton New Scotland Yard book series by Anne Cleeland & he is a LITERAL FUCKING STALKER who plays vigilante & takes advantage of his privilege to get away with his crimes lmao. i like Father Konstantin from the Winternight Trilogy even though (or maybe because of is more accurate) he's a younger, prettier, blonder Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame with his behavior towards Vasya who is very much an Esmeralda parallel. it drew me in immediately, their dynamic in that trilogy; so poisonous & twisted & depraved was his obsession with her but it was so PASSIONATE i couldn't look away. i like Krennic from Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. if you've seen it, he's the smol, angry man who thinks seeing a planet with historical Jedi sites get destroyed by a previously unknown super weapon is BEAUTIFUL. he has no qualms against forcing someone against his will back to helping to build this weapon, even if it meant killing his family.

so there are just a few that i can think of at the moment who are considerably darker than mere shades of grey; do you send hateful anons to people who like Darth Vader? what about Sauron? Morgoth? what if someone likes VOLDEMORT?????? omg (spoiler alert: they exist, & some have created some of the best hp fanart i've seen, but that's not the point right now). do you attack people for liking other morally grey characters like Kylo Ren/Ben Solo or Lestat? snaters are pathetic. if you don't like Snape, that's perfectly fine; it would just be really cool if you can take your toxic, purity culture mentality & if unable to shove it up your ass at least go haunt the places dedicated to bland, rich white boy bully-loving spaces. go on with your horrid belief that all people who are enduring trauma are only allowed to process/handle it in a set way otherwise they are the Worst Person To Exist (or... not, in this instance, seeing as Severus Snape is a FICTIONAL. FUCKING. CHARACTER). do you not realize this says so much to people in your own life who may see some similarities between themselves & a character you believe makes you a superior entity for hating & judging?? do you not give people you care about another chance after making a mistake???

i'd rather continue loving this prickly, snarky asshole than attempt to "earn your good opinion" or some fucking similar codswallop thank you VERY much. cheerio & all that, & i hope you're able to find something to do you enjoy that doesn't involve judging people for things that really don't matter. if you have an issue with what i post you can always unfollow/block me. complicated controversial comfort characters make for better things to think about than fake wokeness. toodles~

[thisissirius]

buck deserves good things.

i hope you appreciate how hard it is to get into buck’s head instead of eddie’s ;_; they are so very very different

help

crush(ed) [ao3 link] buck. therapy. buck in therapy. buck/therapy. a little of buck/eddie but that is NOT the focus.

It’s not something Buck chooses to hide, but it becomes easier when he finds a private therapist who seems content to take him on. She doesn’t even bat an eye when he tells her he’ll change his times from week to week depending on shifts. She has no ties to the LAFD and tells Buck it’s up to him whether or not he informs his work place. 

I should, Buck thinks instantly. Then, breathing out slowly, he tells himself, no. 

This is something he wants to keep to himself, for as long as he can. 

It’s not until Buck sees Eddie that he almost caves. They promised each other they’d do better at communication after the lawsuit—and Buck can’t think about it without wincing—but this feels different. He doesn’t have to tell Eddie if he doesn’t want to, that’s the first thing Dr. Copeland tells him. 

“You don’t even know him,” Buck points out. 

“I don’t have to, Evan.” Buck likes the way she says his name. He doesn’t hear it often, not even from Maddie, and it makes him take everything she says seriously—people use his name when it’s important. “The choices here are all yours.”

Buck nods, knows his breathing sounds shaky, but doesn’t care. “Part of me wants to tell him. He’s my best friend. He’s—but I know he’s busy with Chris and he doesn’t need this.”

Dr. Copeland nods. “Do you see yourself as a burden?”

“No,” Buck says immediately. Then, “yes.”

__________________

Loneliness takes him by surprise. 

With Abby, he’s sure he’s found something real, something solid. He isn’t joking when he tells Bobby he thinks he might be a sex addict, but he’s also not telling the whole truth. When he’s having sex with someone, when someone’s with him, the loneliness feels further away. Buck wants to be loved. It’s something his parents told him again and again. It’s something he’s known about himself for a long, long time. 

If he confused affection with love then—that’s nobody’s fault but his own. 

“Is that how you really feel?”

Buck gives her a wry smile. “I wouldn’t have said it otherwise.”

Dr. Copeland inclined her head. “A fair point. Though sometimes we say things we think we feel.”

“I had sex with more people than I like to think about,” Buck says, wincing. “Why else would I do it?”

“Some people just like sex.” Dr. Copeland never looks anything but 100% engaged. Buck settles the tablet on the bed, rubs his hands over his knees. “Evan?”

“I don’t know that I do,” he says quickly. When he thinks she might get the wrong idea, he follows it up with, “I mean I do. Just not—enough to have it with that many people.”

Dr. Copeland doesn’t judge him and Buck feels like he can breathe.       

__________________ 

 Buck has a standing date with Maddie every Thursday. Even now, with the pandemic raging around them, they make sure to Zoom and watch something on Netflix. He’s got beer, her, a mug of something she assures him is only tea. “Can I ask you something?”

Maddie looks up, cradling the mug in her hands. “You wanna pause?”

Buck shakes his head. The sound of the movie drowns out whatever’s running through his head. “If I wanted to go to therapy, would you judge me?”

“No,” Maddie says without hesitation. “Why?”

The words get stuck in Buck’s throat. He shrugs to cover the struggle. 

“Buck, I love you. If you need therapy, I will support you.”

Buck clenches his hand around the beer bottle tightly. “The crush that Chim keeps teasing about—”

“You want me to stop him?” Maddie looks so concerned that the rush of warmth Buck feels in his stomach makes it easier to speak. 

“Maybe,” he allows. “It’s not what anyone thinks. Please don’t interrupt,” he asks, when she opens her mouth. “I need to say this. It’s not—she’s a therapist.”

There was silence on the other end of the screen. Maddie’s not angry when he looks, but he’s startled to see tears in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” she says, hand over her mouth. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“I’m sorry,” Buck stresses. “I just needed you to know.”

“And I’m proud of you,” Maddie finally manages to get out. She drops her hand, wiping at her eyes. “I’m happy you’re getting what you need, Buck. She is helping?”

Buck thinks of how wrecked he feels after a session, how he’ll surround himself with whoever’s in the apartment because he needs the noise. There’s also the sense of comfort that comes from someone hearing him and listening, giving him advice he actually thinks he can follow.

“Yeah,” he says, after a long pause. “She is.”

__________________

“I want to tell Eddie,” Buck says, looking Dr. Copeland in the eye. “But I’m worried about what he’ll say.”

Dr. Copeland took a moment to reply. “His response isn’t on you, Buck. We can only control what we do, how we react. It’s Eddie’s choice.”

“Doesn’t stop me worrying,” Buck pointed out. He thought of Eddie’s resistance to Frank, the barrier he puts between himself and therapy, while simultaneously embracing it on Chris’ behalf. “When it’s Chris, he’s all for it. Thinks it does Chris good. When it’s adult,” Buck adds. “If it’s me? I don’t know.”

“What’s the worst way he could react?”

“Tell me I’m weak,” Buck says, but even as he says it, he knows that’s not something Eddie will ever say. 

Dr. Copeland nodded. “Has he ever given you that impression?”

“No.” Buck bites at his bottom lip. “He’s told me the opposite.”

As if sparing him from talking about it more, Dr. Copeland leans a little further forward. “Your other workmates—Hen and Chim?—how do you think they’d react?”

Buck doesn’t know. “Chim’s been teasing me. Thinks every time I’m up here, I’m talking to a crush.” He flushes, tries not to look at Dr. Copeland. “Every time I try and tell him who I’m actually calling, something stops me. I know they don’t think it’s a bad thing. We’ve all had to have it at some point. The job is hard, you know?”

There’s silence from the other end of the screen and it makes Buck’s screen crawl. The silences always make him desperate to fill them, to throw words at her and hope she makes some sense of what he’s trying to say. 

“Hen?”

It’s hard not to smile. “She’s always been supportive. Always tried to be there for me. Even after I sued the department.”

“She didn’t hold it against you.”

“No,” Buck agrees. “Not like Bobby. Like Eddie.”

“Bobby,” Dr. Copeland says, ignoring Eddie, something Buck’s grateful for. “Your Captain?”

Buck nods, readjusting his position on the bed. “I keep thinking I should have told him. This is something the department should know.”

“Only if you want them to,” Dr. Copeland reminds him. “Sometimes we don’t feel safe enough to talk about our mental health, especially if it’s outside of mandated sessions.”

It doesn’t stop the guilt striking Buck at the worst times. 

__________________

“Can I speak to you?”

Bobby looks up from his desk, surprised. “Buck. Of course.”

Buck feels awkward. He’s only ever really in the office when he’s done something wrong. Taking the seat opposite Bobby, he looks up from under his eyelashes, still nervous. “What happens if someone has therapy that isn’t mandated?”

Staring at him, Bobby rests his elbows on the desk. He’s not a stupid man and Buck doesn’t doubt he already knows what Buck’s trying to say. “The department likes to know,” Bobby says easily, “but it’s not their right to know. You understand?”

“Yeah,” Buck breathes. His skin feels too tight, trapped in the four walls of the office. 

“Look at me,” Bobby says gently. Buck does, realises Bobby looks concerned and not angry. “You alright?”

Buck shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so. I think—I needed to talk to someone who wasn’t tied to the department.”

 Sliding his chair out from the desk, Bobby stood, coming round to stand next to Buck. He hesitates. “You don’t have to explain.”

“After the lawsuit,” Buck starts, tries to ignore the flow of emotions that cross Bobby’s face. “I wasn’t sure whether you’d hate me for—”

“Stop,” Bobby says quietly. He rests a hand on Buck’s arm and Buck starts, standing so quickly the chair skids away from him. Bobby takes his hand away. ”Sorry.”

Buck opens his mouth, closes it. He doesn’t know what his emotions are doing and tries to grasp a hold of one of them. “No I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m acting like this.”

“Buck.” Bobby reaches out again, and Buck steps into it, feeling awkward when Bobby doesn’t automatically hug him. Oh god. He moves to step away, but Bobby surprises him again, drags him into a hug, hand to the back of his neck. “It’s okay, kid.”

“It’s not,” Buck mutters, bites back the tears but takes the embrace as long as Bobby will let him have it. “But I’m trying to be.”

__________________

Buck’s leg won’t stop moving. He’s been staring at his phone for the last fifteen minutes, waiting for Dr. Copeland to reply. What if she can’t speak to him? Maybe he’ll have to get through this on his own and he’s not sure he knows how to do that without her guidance. 

Mom and dad are coming. 

Just like that. No warning. No asking if it’s okay. Just. We’re coming. 

Buck’s mad and afraid all at once. Maddie’s the same, but she’s got Chim. Buck’s just got this; his apartment, Albert downstairs watching TV, and Eddie on shift. Buck can’t just call. 

When the text comes through, Buck scrambles for his tablet, hands shaking as he answers the call. 

“You sounded panicked, Evan,” Dr. Copeland says. “Is everything okay.”

“My parents are coming,” Buck blurts out, wincing.

They haven’t talked about them yet; Buck knows she’s inferred some stuff, suspected others, but Buck’s never outright talked about them. “That scares you?”

“Yes,” Buck says, laughing nervously. “Angry. They never ask. Just told Maddie they’re coming. She’s pregnant so of course they wanna fix their mistakes and—”

He talks and talks. 

And talks. 

“I don’t want them to come.”

Dr. Copeland nods. “You don’t have to see them if you don’t want to.”

“I can’t leave Maddie alone,” Buck protests. “Maybe,” he starts, pauses. “Maybe it won’t be so bad.”

“You have support, Evan,” Dr. Copeland says, and it doesn’t feel like she’s patronising him. “You have friends, co-workers. Any of them would understand.”

Buck doesn’t think so. “They’re not bad parents,” he says. 

Dr. Copeland pauses for a moment. “There are different ways to be bad parents.”

__________________

Buck’s working out, pent up aggression flowing from fists to punch bag. 

“You wanna tell me what’s got you so worked up?”

It’s not that he’s avoiding Eddie. It’s just hard, sometimes, to know he’s holding something of himself back from Eddie. “My parents are coming.”

Eddie stays silent as he punches through some more of his emotions. “My parents tried to take Chris.”

Buck pauses, drops his arms. “What?”

Staring at the ground, frowning, Eddie looks as if he’s far away, probably wherever, or whenever, this happened. “Thought I was dragging him down with me.”

“That’s bullshit,” Buck says immediately, suddenly angry on Eddie’s behalf. Eddie looks up, surprised but pleased, trying to cover it. “It is, Eddie, you know that, right?” 

“I didn't,” Eddie admits. “Not for a long time.”

 Buck presses, “but you do now?” He doesn’t know why it’s important that Eddie knows it. 

“Yeah,” Eddie says, with a certainty Buck doesn’t always expect from him. “Until I came here.”

“Good.” Buck doesn’t know what Eddie’s trying to get at. “Why tell me that now?”

“I’m a good father because I taught myself to be,” he says, and Buck doesn’t understand. “Sometimes our parents don’t do a good job. Sometimes we love our parents, or we don’t. But we don’t have to agree with everything they do, either.”

Buck works off the gloves. “Okay.”

Stepping into his space, Eddie wraps a hand around the back of Buck’s neck and squeezes. “You can tell them to fuck off.”

Buck laughs, grateful, and drops his head forehead, touching Eddie’s. Eddie closes his eyes and Buck does the same, revels in the touch. “I haven’t seen them in so long. I’m a disappointment.”

“Not to me,” Eddie says, voice full of emotion. 

“Thanks, Eddie,” Buck says. 

__________________

“I think I’m going to go to dinner,” Buck says. Dr. Copeland doesn’t say anything, so he nods, as if to make a point. “Maddie needs me.”

__________________

It’s a disaster. 

Buck knows, somewhere in the pit of his stomach, that it won’t go any other way.

“So,” Phillip says. Buck doesn’t know when he stopped referring to his parents as mom and dad. Sometimes he feels like he’s a separate entity, apart from all family. Except Maddie. Maddie’s the closest thing he’s ever had to a mother, a sister, a role model. Until she— “how’s working with Evan, Howard?”

“Fine,” Chim says, frowning. “He’s good at his job.”

“He should be,” Phillip says, raising his eyebrows. “We didn’t raise him to slack off.”

“You didn’t raise me at all,” Buck says, the words tripping off his tongue. He sits a little straighter, anger blossoming through his chest. 

“Don’t be disrespectful,” Margaret says, narrowing her eyes. “You will speak to your father properly.”

Buck’s courage seems to dissipate.

“Dad, Mom,” Maddie says, pleading. “Buck’s doing the best he can. He’s even going to therapy!”

Instantly, she knows she’s said something wrong, and Buck shifts in his heat, panic overriding the anger. 

“You’re in therapy?” Phillip’s tone drips with condescension. 

“The job can be hard,” Buck admits, unable to look anywhere else but at Phillip. “I just needed to talk to someone.”

Phillip looks disappointed. As if he’s ever looked anything but. “Weakness has always been your problem.”

“Hey,” Chim starts, stepping forward. 

“No,” Buck says, putting his glass on the table. “Say what you need to, Phillip. Why is therapy such a weak thing?”

“No Buckley—” 

“What would you know about it?” Buck snaps. “Do you know how long it’s taken to admit to anyone that I’m in therapy? Because of what you drilled into me! You’re gonna stand there and tell me there’s something wrong with it?”

“Yes,”  Phillip says, tone hard. “I thought we were done with this attitude.”

“Dad,” Maddie starts. 

“No,” Buck snarls. “Let him talk, Maddie. Can’t wait to see how I fucked up this time.”

“Evan!”

“It’s Buck,” Buck yells. Now he remembers why nobody calls him Evan. “Nothing I did was ever good enough!”

“And it never will be,” Phillip snaps in response. 

Buck draws himself up. “Maybe if you didn’t always leave—”

“Why would we stay?” Kartrina says, her words gentle, and they hit all the harder for it. 

Deflating, Buck doesn’t think he can breathe. It feels like a physical slap and he moves, walking fast away from his parents, away from a past he can’t work his way out of. 

__________________

“It was a disaster,” Buck says later.

Dr. Copeland nods, sympathetic but professional. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Buck does. 

__________________

“I called Eddie,” Maddie says, coming to sit next to him on the back steps. 

Buck wants to be mad about it, but now that the anger’s dissipated, he’s just  tired. Shaking. Shaking because he’s so tired. 

“I messed it up,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

Maddie leans against him, wraps an arm around his shoulder and kisses his temple. “I should be apologising to you. I’m sorry I left.”

There’s a burning behind Buck’s eyes and he drops his head, clenching his hands into fists. “I always get left behind, Mads. Always.”

“I know,” Maddie whispers, and Buck loves her all the more that she doesn’t try to correct him.

When Eddie arrives, he looks pissed. He takes one look at Buck’s parents and the anger morphs into something else. A quiet fury. Buck worries that everything’s going to fall apart, but Eddie reins it in—and god, Buck loves him so much—and ignores them. His eyes land on Buck. The fury’s still there, simmering, but it fades behind concern as he crosses the distance between them, crouching down. “Buck.”

It’s just his name, but Buck sobs, emotionally wrung out.

“I’ve got you,” Eddie says, wrapping his arms around Buck. Buck falls, let’s himself give up on being anything but a mess. “I’ve got you,” Eddie says again, and Buck believes him.

“Evan,” Phillip says. “This is nothing to cry over.”

“Stop it,” Maddie protests. 

Buck ignores them, blinks at the expression on Eddie’s face. 

“Alright?” Eddie asks, voice dipped low. 

“Yeah,” Buck starts, but is cut off by his mother. 

“If this is what therapy has done—” 

“You wanna know something,” Eddie snaps, climbing to his feet. Buck’s chest is tight with worry, but Eddie stays close to Buck, between him and his parents. “You wanna know why Buck needs therapy? Where the hell have you been?”

Phillip frowns. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Your son,” Eddie snarls, “was almost killed. Twice. A fucking truck crushed his leg, something you couldn’t have avoided knowing about, and yet nothing. Not a word.”

Buck’s oddly fascinated with the way Eddie’s holding himself. Hands clenched, back straight, ever the soldier. But his tone? It goes soft. “Buck’s the best man I know. And no,” Eddie continues, giving Buck’s parents such a look of contempt, “that’s got nothing to do with you.”

There’s that familiar look on Phillip’s face: anger, disgust. “You don’t get to tell me—” 

“I’m a father,” Eddie says. “I have an eight year old son. Buck saved his life.”

“Yes,” Margaret says. “We heard.”

That sets Eddie off again and Buck knows he should step in, should take this out of Maddie’s house, but he can’t seem to make himself move. “You have a problem with Buck?”

“He hasn’t turned out—” 

“Finish that,” Eddie says, his voice a deadly tone. “Please.”

Phillip keeps quiet. 

“Buck’s a credit. Not to you, but to himself. He turned out like this on his own merit. Despite you. Despite being abandoned time and again. He’s strong, kind, compassionate, and I have no idea where he learned to be, because it certainly wasn’t from you!”

Buck’s heart is pounding, blood rushing in his ears. He wants to say something, but he doesn’t know how.

“He deserves better,” Eddie says, “than anything you can give him now, because you’ve decided a grandchild gives you a second chance.”

Turning his back on Buck’s parents, and just the dismissiveness in that rears the old fear, but Buck tamps it down and Eddie gives Buck a look. “You wanna leave?”

“Buck—” Margaret starts.

Maddie nods her head. He gives her a tight smile.

“Yeah,” Buck says, taking the hand Eddie offers him and standing on wobbly legs.

“It’s alright,” Eddie mumbles. “You’ve got this.”

Buck does. He nods, sharing a long look with Eddie, and then swallows down everything to stand straight. “Sorry, Mads.”

“Don’t be,” Maddie says.

“We’ll see you tomorrow, Evan.” Phillip’s expression is tight.

“No,” Buck says, digging deep to find courage. Eddie’s hand squeezes his arm. “I’ll be with Eddie and Chris. I’ll call you. Maybe.”

“You can’t—” 

“He can,” Eddie says.

“He can,” Chim echoes.

“We will not—” 

“It’s alright,” Maddie says eventually. “They’ll be leaving after you.”

Margaret looks shocked. “Madeline—”

“It’s Maddie,” Maddie says. “Eddie’s right. You can’t make up for us,” she says, gesturing between her and Buck, “with my baby.”

  __________________

“How did that feel?”

Buck huffed, not sure how to answer. “Good? But also terrifying. It’s like closing that door completely. It means we’re cut off. Money, name, everything.”

Dr. Copeland hums. “Does that bother you?”

“No,” Buck says. “Some of the money they can’t touch. The name—it’s nice to have it, but I can always change it. I’m still me.”

“I’m proud of you for going,” Dr. Copeland says. “It took strength, Buck.”

“I, uh,” Buck starts, looking around the room, “told Eddie.”

“Oh?” The fact that he can’t detect anything from her tone is a credit. “How did that go?”

Buck sighs. “My mom actually said it, during the fight. I thought he’d hate me for it.”

“Evan—”

The name doesn’t hurt like it had when Phillip used it. “No, it’s okay. I know—I projected that onto him because I was worried. I didn’t want to lose him.”

Dr. Copeland waits. Then, “How do you feel now?”

Scared.

__________________

“I’m sorry,” Buck blurts out. 

Eddie frowns as he shuts off the truck. “Why?”

“Because I didn’t tell you,” Buck says. 

A pause. Eddie looks confused. “You did.”

“Not about my parents.” Buck’s quiet, looks at the house. Chris is inside with Eddie’s abuela. During the height of the pandemic, they’d been together, both vulnerable. When it was safe to go home, Eddie's taken him back to the house, but abuela and pepa both are both taking enough precautions to stay with him when Eddie’s at work. It’s worked for them so far and Buck hopes it stays that way; Chris deserves to be safe. “About therapy.”

When Eddie’s hand lands on his knee, Buck jumps. Before Eddie can take it away, he grasps it. Eddie gives him a soft smile when he looks up. “You don’t have to be sorry. If it’s something I needed to know, you’d have told me.”

Buck lets out a shaky breath, tips his back against the headrest. “I’m messed up.”

“Maybe,” Eddie allows. “Isn’t everyone, a little?”

“I keep getting left behind,” Buck admits, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “My parents. Maddie. Everyone at work. You,” he adds on last, because if he doesn’t get this out, he doesn’t know when he will. “Not now—after Bobby said I couldn’t come back to work. You left me.”

Eddie opens his mouth. It closes quickly and Eddie ducks his head, a flush rising on his cheeks. “I was a shitty best friend,” Eddie admits. 

“We both were,” Buck allows.

“You were crushed by a firetruck,” Eddie protests.

Buck raises his eyebrows. “Your wife died, Eddie. We didn’t talk to each other. I needed you but I didn’t ask.”

Eddie nods, turns his hand around so he can link their fingers together. Buck’s heart skips, doesn’t know what to make of it. Is this something they do now? The lines between them have always blurred, but he doesn't know— “I’ve never had a best friend before.”

“Neither have I.”

“I didn’t know how to ask for help,” Eddie continues, “because I’ve never had someone to ask.”

Buck’s throat is dry. “I make everyone think I’m okay, but inside I’m not. I hide how I’m really feeling.”

“I’m angry all the time,” Eddie admits. “Not so much anymore, but sometimes. It gets so much and I don’t know how to let it go.”

Buck nods, works through what he wants to say before he speaks. “Then maybe tell me when you are. I don’t know what I’ll do, but tell me.”

With a slow breath, Eddie agrees. “And if you need to tell someone how you really feel, text me or call, or I guess, talk to your therapist.”

Buck makes an assenting noise. 

“How do you feel now?” Eddie asks, and Buck realises he’s talking about his parents, the events after dinner. 

“Terrified,” Buck says quietly. “Just Maddie and I.”

“And Chim,” Eddie points out. “Bobby, Athena, Hen. Carla.”

Buck nods, the tension drawing out. “I guess.”

Eddie looks at him, expression saying a hundred different things. “You don’t have to ask.”

“Maybe not,” Buck concedes, “But sometimes I need to hear it.”

“You always have me,” Eddie says. His voice isn’t loud or hard. The words feel too big for the space. “I’m not leaving you, Buck, especially not now.”

Buck nods, closing his eyes. 

__________________

Buck sits back on the couch. “I feel—like I have something to look forward to.”

“I’m pleased.” Dr. Copeland gives him a smile. “How does it feel that everyone knows?”

“Good,” Buck says, thinking it through. “I still hesitate to talk about it, but when I do, they just—accept it. Accept me.”

Silence draws between them, but for once, Buck’s not scrambling for something to say. He feels lighter in places. There’s no magical fix, no cure for the fear and worry that still gnaws at him, sometimes. 

“Being honest isn’t always as scary as I thought it was.”

“No,” Dr. Copeland agrees. 

Buck looks up, to where Eddie and Chris are in the kitchen, the first time they’ve been able to in so long that Buck’s still surprised at the changes in Chris. “I think I could stand to be more honest.”

“And that,” Dr. Copeland says, “Is something we should talk about next session.”

“Not if I tell him first,” Buck says, with a grin. 

Dr. Copeland laughs. “I’ll see you next week, Evan.”

“Bye,” Buck says, waiting until she’s gone to put his tablet down. 

“Okay?” Eddie says, leaning against the door jamb. 

Buck smiles, pushing himself up off the couch. “Yeah. I think I am.”

“Good,” Eddie says, shoving Buck towards the kitchen. “I burnt shit, fix it.”

Buck laughs, dragging Eddie along with him, holding on like a lifeline.

Eddie takes a hold of his hand and doesn’t let go.

[writteninkat]

ii - rubies?!

word count - 1,903

warnings - mention of scars

"he's so tall and handsome as hell. he's so bad but he does it so well."

index

As you waited for April to come around, you spent your remaining days working out and training your quirk on your own. You didn't want to look for your father nor did you want to bump into him- the only time you wanted to see him was during UA's sports festival where you know he'll be watching so you can rub it in his face how good your life is without him.

As you work out in your apartment building's gym, you can't keep the blond out of your head. Was he doing alright? Should you have asked for his phone number at least? Where did he study? Was he even from this area?

Your mind races and wanders around thoughts about the blond, causing you to trip on your own feet on the treadmill. Before your hands come in contact with the running deck, you feel strong arms wrap around your waist, saving you from the fall but not from the embarrassment.

You take a few moments to stop and think about what just happened, allowing the whole thing to just sink in. I almost tripped because I was thinking about some guy. Stupid mistake.

Your savior puts you down beside the treadmill, hands immediately letting go of your waist. "You okay?" Despite having such buffed-up arms, he had such a sweet voice. You look to your right, checking to see the face of your knight in shining armor.

"My name's Izuku Midoriya." He smiles widely, extending his hand towards you. You take it, smiling back. "Y/n L/n, and yeah, I'm alright. Thanks for saving me, I could have attended my first day in UA with a bandage on my forehead." You chuckled, watching the guy's facial expression turn into excitement.

"No way! You'll be attending UA? That's crazy so am I!"

Your eyes widen, finally someone I can be close to in that new school. "What class are you in?" You move to turn off the treadmill, picking up your water bottle from the floor. You unscrew the cap, taking large sips as you looked at him, waiting for an answer. "Class 1A."

The water backfires, going down the wrong pipe. You cough out the water, rubbing your chest in pain as Midoriya pats on your back in worry. "You okay? Again?"

You wave your hand at him, coughing a few more times before clearing your throat. "So am I." Your voice comes out rough and broken but still understandable.

For the rest of the day, you chat with Midoriya, getting to know each other as you helped each other work out. Like whenever you needed help with your form, he'd guide you. When he needed more weight on his back as he did push up, you were more than happy to sit on him as you scrolled through your cellphone.

As the end of the day, before the two of you part, he asks for your number so it would be easier to contact you. You kind of regret giving it to him cause he wouldn't shut up about the heroes he looked up to. He was such a hero nerd you found it funny.

When he calmed down and told you good night, you hit the sack yourself, images of the angry blond with beautiful ruby eyes filling your head as you fell asleep with a smile. And honestly, that was the best sleep you've had in years.

You're walking yourself to your new school, heart drumming against your chest. The feeling was a little too nostalgic, it was the same feeling you felt back when you came to UA for the practical exam. It felt like time went by a little too fast. You calm your mind, remembering your mom's text to you earlier that morning, telling you good luck with your first day.

You try recalling your goal- to become a hero despite my father telling me I couldn't. To become a hero, to become a hero to become-

"Hey Y/n!" Midoriya waves at you, his smile as bright as the sun. It's sickening but you shrug it off, it suits his face. "Oh, I hope it's alright if I call you Y/n."

"Only if I can call you Izuku." You wink at him, smiling as you continue your way towards the building. As Izuku rambled on about how nervous he was for today that he couldn't sleep properly, your mind raced back to the thought of the school uniform being uncomfortable.

You were so used to wear pants that showing off your legs seemed taboo to you. Don't get it wrong, you like your legs, you think they're okay. But you've been wearing pants maybe eighty percent of your life that you don't like showing even your knees. You can't sit the way you want with skirts- especially if the way you want is your legs either parted apart as you sink onto your chair or your legs on the desk as you scroll through your phone lazily.

Given that it was school rules to wear a uniform, you decided to cover up your legs with black thigh high instead, cursing at the skirt for being a little bit too short for your liking.

"Here it is." Izuku points up at the board right above the classroom door that read 1A. "I just hope I'm not classmates with Tenya or Kacchan." He chuckles, reaching for the door.

"Tenya? That glasses dude who seemed like someone pissed in his cheerios the morning of the exam?" Izuku nods his head but your mind wasn't at ease just yet. Who the hell was this Kacchan?

Your mind wanders again but your thoughts clear away when you hear two people arguing.

"Take your feet off that desk now." You chuckle, recognizing that voice. You mentally send a sorry to Izuku's way.

"Hah?" And that voice too!

You look up, scanning the room and looking for your two new classmates who were arguing. Iida's back covers who he's getting mad at, forcing you to step inside the classroom to get a better look.

"It's the first day and you're already disrespecting this academy by scuffing school property you cretin."

"You're kidding me right? Your old school put a stick in your ass?"

As you thought, that voice belonged to the same guy who's been infiltrating your head ever since you met him. Day and night. However his attitude caught you off guard, he wasn't this rude when the two of you met.

"Rubies?" You say out loud, the blond, or as Izuku calls him, Kacchan looks your way, eyes widening at the sight of you in the same classroom as him. His once smug expression is wiped off his face as he stares at you, completely taken off guard.

Tenya and a brown haird girl who looked a little too much like Kirby approached Izuku and they began talking to him. You, in the other hand, are being pulled out of the classroom by the blond. His hand still as soft as you remember, his grip isn't even that tight around your wrist. Just enough to tug you to where he wanted to bring you without hurting you.

The two of you stand right outside the door leading to the back of the classroom. He turns around, smug expression completely gone and replaced by confusion.

"You never told me you went to UA." He says, stuffing his hands in his pocket as he leans his side on the wall. You cross your arms on your chest, leaning to the side as you rest most of your weight on one leg. "You never asked." The two of you look at each other in silence for a few moments, your heart going haywire in your chest as he keeps his eyes on you. Such eyes that could keep you in a cage of trance forever.

Bakugou opens his mouth but before he could get a word out, a tired voice cuts him off. "Get inside the classroom." He tired-looking man with unkept hair and peach fuzz tells you both. Was he the school janitor? Nevertheless, the both of you walked back inside the classroom, Bakugou's eyes silently telling you that the two of you were going to finish the conversation later.

You sat down on your seat, eyes following the same tired-looking man as he stood in front of the class. "My name is Shota Aizawa. I'll be your homeroom teacher from now on."

He hands all of you your PE uniforms, telling you all to quickly change into them. You follow the girls to the changing rooms and you hang your PE uniform on your locker, already unbuttoning your uniform but you stop yourself.

I can't show them that.

A girl with long black hair, similar to yours, looks at you from the side, her expression questioning. "I don't think Aizawa sensei is okay with late students. You should quickly change."

You wrap your hands around yourself, cringing at the thought of other eyes on your body. The girl's expression changes into a softer one and she smiles, "Don't worry, nobody here will judge. All bodies are beautiful the way they are."

Exactly, yeah. If these girls were going to be your second family until you graduate highschool, you shouldn't be afraid. You can trust them, right?

Slowly, with slightly trembling hands, you begin unbuttoning your uniform. Taking a deep breath in, you slip your long sleeve down your body, showcasing the many scars that littered all over your back.

You can feel the atmosphere change into a silent, much colder one and your thoughts begin to race. Was it wrong for you to show them this? You've only been together for a few hours, how could you show such a vulnerable side of yourself?

Your eyes squeeze shut, ready for the comments and snickers but instead you hear a squeal. "We have the same bra!" A pink girl squeals, pointing at her pink lacy bra. A smile creeps onto your face as the girl extends her hand towards you, "I'm Mina Ashido. Nice to meet you, twinnie!" She perks and as soon as you take her hand, she shakes it softly before pulling away.

You quickly dress up into your PE uniform, pulling your hair up into a ponytail. "Woah, L/n! The white streaks on your hair look so cool! Where did you get them done?" Mina asks, completely taken by your hair, her eyes sparkling as you flushed at her compliment. No one has ever complimented your hair so genuinely like that before, makes you feel kind of proud having it.

"It's actually natural. My dad has black hair and my mom has white." The girls begin to ooooh and soon after, you all have reached the fields. Aizawa stands beside a white square with a device in his hand, patiently waiting with lazy eyes on his students.

"You should put your hair up like that more. I think the white streaks are cool." Bakugou tells you, his eyes and face forward as he listens to Aizawa talking.

You wouldn't tell him, but his words had your stomach feeling weird things and you feel your face slowly heat up. You swallow whatever you were feeling and face forward.

"Don't tell me what to do, rubies."

You had to buy more ponytails.

[ibijau]

Amnesiac!nhs last part / on AO3

warning for sad ending :)

It was Nie Huaisang himself who requested to return to Qinghe, and him also who begged Lan Xichen to come with him. He didn’t want to abandon his sect any further, he’d explained, but he also wasn’t sure how to deal with everything that awaited him in the Unclean Realm. By his own admission, the four months he’d spent there hiding his amnesia had been taxing, and he preferred to have some help as he returned there, at least until he learned the ropes.

Lan Xichen was more than happy to go with him.

It had been a little over two weeks since Nie Huaisang had confided his suspicion that he’d caused his amnesia on purpose, and since then the two of them had only become closer. Nothing they’d done had quite crossed the boundaries of friendship yet, but Lan Xichen did not doubt that they were headed toward something new. Nie Huaisang was quite flirty these days, teasing and playful the way he used to be as a youth but with added meaning to his words that never failed to make Lan Xichen smile. As for Lan Xichen himself, he allowed himself casual touches, brushing their hands together in private, or helping the other man braid his hair in the intricate style the Nie sect preferred.

It would have been easy to kiss Nie Huaisang, and Lan Xichen knew it would have been welcome too, but there was no hurry. A slow seduction was not without charm, and it would only make it all the sweeter when they did finally come together. Which they would, Lan Xichen had no doubt. Neither did his close family. 

Lan Wangji had been unhappy at first, but eventually made his peace with it once he’d grown certain that Nie Huaisang wasn’t planning some new scheme. Wei Wuxian kept teasing Lan Xichen for not going for it already, but that was only because he had no patience whatsoever. As for Lan Qiren…

Lan Qiren saw this inevitable romance building before him, and quite plainly told his nephew that he did not like it.

“You’re playing with fire,” he warned Lan Xichen one day. “I would advise against starting anything with him until the condition that would reawaken his memories has been discovered. Because if he returns to who he really is…”

“This is who he is, uncle. Who he would be without everything that happened.”

“But it did happen,” Lan Qiren pointed out. “Whether we like it or not. And while I have no doubt that Nie Huaisang is currently quite besotted with you, he would feel quite differently if he had his memory of the last ten years. If you were to accidentally lift that curse… I think we both know how willing to forgive Nie Huaisang can be.”

It was true, and it was right, and Lan Xichen did not want to hear that, not when for the first time in years, he felt like he had a chance of happiness at last. So when that very same evening Nie Huaisang made his request to return to Qinghe, Lan Xichen promptly agreed.

It would be easier to let things unfold away from Lan Qiren’s judgment.

Not that there was no judgment to be found in the Unclean Realm. The Nie sect was, to put it mildly, not particularly enthusiastic to have their sect leader back. It quickly became apparent that they’d done quite well for themselves without him, and indeed even when he’d been among them they’d mostly only involved him in sect business if they were forced to. That at least explained how they might have failed to notice that Nie Huaisang had cursed to amnesia, Lan Xichen thought, though it also meant that it would be difficult for him to retake control of his sect.

During their entire first day in the Unclean Realm, Nie Huaisang acted as if that realisation did not bother him in the least. He pretended not to see the dark looks it got him when he announced that he intended to be a better and more present sect leader, that he hoped they would forgive him past mistakes, that he intended to restore their reputation that had been so damaged by his lack of skill. He smiled as various high ranking disciples openly told him that they didn’t think he had what it took to rule them, that they’d rather he stepped down and returned to Gusu, and he eagerly swore he had changed.

Then, as soon as Lan Xichen and him retired after dinner, as soon as they were alone in the sect leader’s private quarters, Nie Huaisang broke into tears. Lan Xichen, who had expected something like that, quickly pulled him into his arms, and allowed Nie Huaisang to sob in his embrace.

“They’ll come around,” Lan Xichen whispered as he rubbed Nie Huaisang’s back to comfort him. “It will take the time it will take, but I know you’re going to work hard to change their mind, and I know it will work.”

“But they hate me,” Nie Huaisang sobbed. “They really hate me! I’ve never been as well liked as da-ge, but for them to hate me like this… it scares me.”

Lan Xichen shivered, thinking of what might happen to a too unpopular sect leader, especially one who had many enemies who would be easy to blame. Without thinking, he pressed a quick kiss on the crown of Nie Huaisang’s head, who gasped softly and clung more tightly to him.

“We’re going to try this,” Lan Xichen said. “You asked to come here, and it seemed important to you to try this, so we will. But if it doesn’t work, if your disciples really remain hostile to you… I hope you know I would be more than happy to have you at my side in the Cloud Recesses.”

“But for how long would you let me stay?”

“As long as you wish,” Lan Xichen promised. “The rest of our lives, if you want. I know I would.”

Nie Huaisang grinned amidst his tears, quickly nodding before rising on his toes to press their lips together.

It was everything Lan Xichen would have imagined. Nie Huaisang’s lips were soft and warm, and easily parted to deepen the kiss. He still startled when Lan Xichen’s tongue touched his, the sensation too new perhaps. Lan Xichen pulled him closer, running one hand in Nie Huaisang’s hair. He’d have wanted them to be closer still, body against body, skin against skin, nothing standing between them. Soon, perhaps…

Or not so soon, because Nie Huaisang was tensing more and more, turning as stiff as a piece of wood in Lan Xichen’s arms and eventually pushing him away with such force that Lan Xichen stumbled backward and nearly fell.

“Of course you had to ruin this,” Nie Huaisang hissed, forcefully wiping his mouth with his sleeve, his tongue even.

Lan Xichen stared silently, shocked by this sudden change of mood. Gone was the sweet and charming Nie Huaisang he’d learned to love over those past few weeks, replaced by a cold man with burning eyes.

“An impossible condition,” Lan Xichen whispered. “I was…”

“Don’t flatter yourself, you never crossed my mind,” Nie Huaisang cut him with a smirk. “I only made a true love’s kiss the condition. I thought surely nobody would be stupid enough for that. Apparently I overestimated your tastes, and your desperation. I suppose it must have been quite nice, getting a chance to pretend you didn’t help in my brother’s murder.”

Lan Xichen took a step back, pressing one hand to his mouth.

This couldn’t be happening. It had to be a nightmare. In a moment he would wake up and go meet his dear Nie Huaisang for breakfast, and they would laugh together about that horrible dream he’d had.

“It wasn’t like that. A-Sang, it wasn’t about… I love you,” Lan Xichen pleaded, earning a scoff and an unimpressed look.

“You love a version of me that was never real,” Nie Huaisang claimed as he went to pick up a fan from a chest of drawers. “Isn’t it just like you to prefer pretty little lies to the truth?”

“I didn’t lie to you about anything. I’m not lying about the way I feel, I really…”

Nie Huaisang sharply opened his fan.

“You didn’t say anything about how san-ge killed da-ge, did you?” He asked with a cruel smile. “And you didn’t say who taught san-ge that blasted song either. Who forced da-ge to continue welcoming the presence of a viper at his side. Too busy seducing me, I suppose?”

Too busy respecting Nie Huaisang’s lack of curiosity on the matter, Lan Xichen wanted to say, but the words were stuck in his throat. He had offered to explain what had happened. So had Wei Wuxian. Nie Huaisang had told them both that if it really mattered to them he’d listen, but he would rather not know. They had both respected that.

Lan Xichen hadn’t really wanted to tell him, anyway. Perhaps he really had guessed that  Nie Huaisang would not forgive him for his role in Nie Mingjue’s death. Or perhaps he too had wanted to forget, and did Nie Huaisang have any right to judge him for that after what he’d done?

“Leave,” Nie Huaisang ordered. “You are not welcome in my home.”

“No. No, I’m not leaving like this. Huaisang, give me a chance to…”

“Leave, or I’ll make you. Those useless disciples of mine would at least obey that order, trust me. Or did you think it was only my return that made them furious?” Nie Huaisang asked. “Don’t be mistaken. They despise you more than they do me. Quite the accomplishment, when you think of it. But of course I only ruined our reputation, while you helped murder the man who incarnated everything our sect believed in.”

“Huaisang, please…”

“Leave. Now,” Nie Huaisang ordered, his eyes throwing daggers behind his elegant fan.

Lan Xichen left.

A million thoughts clashed in his mind as he ran through the gate of the Unclean Realm, as flew toward the Cloud Recesses. Guilt and regret and anger, such anger as he hadn’t felt in years, most of it directed at the man Nie Huaisang had become. If he had trusted Lan Xichen after the death of Nie Mingjue, if he’d come to him then too instead of handling things alone, if they could have worked together…

If Nie Huaisang hadn’t been so selfish and decided he was allowed to forget what he’d done but others couldn’t.

If Nie Huaisang hadn't had such a twisted vision of himself.

If Nie Huaisang had chosen a truly impossible condition to lift his curse, so that Lan Xichen could have kept him, so they could have been happy.

They had been happy.

Lan Xichen had been happy.

He should have known it wouldn't last.