#not really. but kind of? I don't know. 'rewatch thoughts' or something? who knows...

[glaciergore]

love how hickey slaps a dead dog in front of hodgson then recruits him to Super Mutiny Squad only for him to later go 'dibs armitage & pocock no returns :)' when the hunting parties split up. yes yes john, you'll be very safe I'm sure! I sense zero threat from this hickey fellow, whom I just thought brought me a human corpse to eat. godspeed :D

[cooking-with-hailstones]

Murderbot 1x08 thoughts

Literally so much happened. What the actual fuck. Wow. I have so many feelings. I'm literally about to rewatch the episode and I'll write down my thoughts as I go (obv spoilers under the cut here. I am also going to preface this by saying I'm slightly high writing this. Anyways here we go!)

(Now, I am not 100% sold on this because we know Secunit likes escapism, buuut also we know Secunit is a very unreliable narrator, and perhaps its watching this entirely going "haha, wow, so wild and unrealistic. How do humans come up with all these crazy ideas?? Anyways I'm gonna rewatch this scene with the navbot for the 168th time. For no reason.")

WOOHOO ANOTHER SANCTUARY MOON COLD OPEN

They are really hamming it up with this whole thing with the Navbot being a Secunit stand in that Secunit will never ever admit its projecting onto. The whole thing about not trusting a reconditioned unit? The whole "machine" monologue?? "When you inducted me into this hideous religion called love, you took away the only human who has ever shown me kindness" - I wonder if we're going to get a callback to this scene and if it's going to fuck me the fuck up.

HELL YEAH It's Graycris namedrop time! We seem to be setting up the same conclusion as ASR, so this is gonna be fun!!

Ratthi, never change. (Except do change. Please. Secunit is going to be very sad if you don't develop slightly more of a sense of self preservation)

Mensah jokingly calling secunit seccy did melt me a little bit SORRYyy

Murderbot's little snort is so endearing.

Gurathin: "this is how it started" about surgical painkillers? WOW.

It's not an episode of murderbot if there's not a teensy bit of body horror! :D

GOD. This entire scene... going to be chewing on this for MONTHS.

A while ago I said that this show delights in doing double dutch with campy comedy and heart-wrenching drama. This scene is now the crux of my hypothesis (along with watching SM with Mensah, and singing at the GC secunit)

What a day for every single person who enjoys murderathin bondage and feed exchanges (SOMEONE in that writers room has read Enemies, Closer)

"I didn't see it on Sanctuary moon. I saw it on MedCentreArgala" LMAO SCREAMING

Uh.

Uhmm

"Why can't you love me back" OKAY WHAT. SKARSGARD I LOVE YOU FOREVER FOR THE WAY YOU DELIVERED THAT I'M GOING TO CHEW ON THAT FOREVER. God Mensah's faaaace!!!! (also the visual of her dancing? looking generally beautiful? SO lovely)

"Did I just say something?" "NO YOU DIDN'T"

"One moment" OH SHIT OH FUCK OH SHIT OH DAMN!!

Gurathin crying while looking at the footage... I am... wow. Once again hats fucking off to Dastmalchian and Skarsgard.

Muderbot looks so fucking scared and hurt!!! "Don't. Don't!! DON'T!!!" HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL AFTER THIS???

Desperately grasping at straws to explain everything. "It could have been an implanted memory, or, or someone... maybe there was a combat override module involved."

"Yes. Maybe." GOD. FUCK. IT REALLY BELIEVES THAT. IT IS SO FUCKING SCARED OF ITSELF

AMANDA JONES you are amazing. The music in this episode is superb.

I'm not gonna say anything more about this scene. I am going to rewatch it a bajillion times though. You should go watch it too.

"It is not! your pet!" Mensah!!! I fucking screamed!!! Thank you for saying it!!!

Woohoo exposition about alien remnants, Graycris, the Company, etc. First time we get Mensah as planetary leader officially mentioned! Honestly, that was A LOT of exposition, and they did that very effectively. High five, writers!

Again, Amanda Jones. I love you, I am metaphorically kissing you. You're amazing.

"I HAVE A PLAN!!"

Hmm, woweee murderbot, your favourite episodes of Sanctuary Moon all center around constructs and the nature of personhood?

. Which could mean nothing.

...

"I have a... plan..?"

"Fuck"

Cue me, dying.

OVERALL:

I mean, I've rewatched all the murderbot episodes at least once, but this is the only one I've rewatched immediately upon finishing. This is so good, I am having so much fun and also legitimately moved. Alexander and David, you both made me tear up during The Scene. Fuck it. I'm gonna go watch it again right now!!!

OKAY and a few critiques:

I am legit unsure of how I feel about them making Sanctuary moon so... not escapist? Like I know they've been very intentionally using SM as some exposition for MB but this felt too on-the-nose. (Idk, because I also totally get it from a TV standpoint because scenes from this show is the only way to actually show the audience what Murderbot is feeling (it sure as hell won't share that itself). Also there's no point in doing all the work (and $$$ spent) that they've done for SM for it not to be advancing the plot. Okay I think I've talked myself out of this critique. CONCESSION GRANTED TO THE REQUIREMENTS OF DIFFERENT MEDIA)

The skill gap between different members of the cast continues to grow more and more apparent. I'M SORRY they are all doing their best but their bests are... different bests. MUCH LOVE TO ALL OF THEM I ENJOY THEM ALL But Alexander, David, Noma and Tamara are kind of blowing the throuple out of the water.

And another awkward Throuple scene. Okay. It was sweet and kinda funny, but feels very tonally out of place.

"The rogue secunit who betrayed its clients!" aight, writers, come on now. Don't make me retract my earlier high five. This just feels like you're trying to bait the tv audience and irritate the book audience.

[dafpork]

it is my firm stance that Porky and Daffy are strictly Porkysexual and Daffysexual for each other. HOWEVER. as a Woman Liker i do enjoy occasionally passing down my Woman Liking onto Daffy. incredibly surface level but i've been wanting to draw Daffy flirting with some sort of '40s pinup gal and then you just see Porky grabbing his hand and begrudgingly dragging him away. good stuff

👆 good stuff

[bumblingbabooshka]

thoughts on saavik?

I don't know anything about Saavik v_v I really love these two posts about her though! X and X I think about these posts often and whenever I do I feel like I want to draw!

[allisonreader]

It's funny how big of an impact things we watch as we grow up leave.

Like I just read an article interviewing Alyson (last name not remembered) who played Lunnette the clown on The Big Comfy Couch.

My parents and I still quote things from the show. One line in particular.

"Who made this big mess!?"

Then we give blame to who did. Messy hair day, still referred to the person as Major Bedhead. We'll still even reference Molly the dolly.

The Big Comfy Couch is hardly the only thing that gets referenced.

There are still times when (though my brothers don't really know the show) that we reference Skinnamarink TV with Sharon Lois and Bram. Especially some of their songs. (Skinnamarink-y dinky do- I love you. I love you in the morning and in the afternoon. I love you in the evening and underneath the moon...)

Ants in the Pants is another one that still gets a reference at times and that show had some fun music on it. Songs that I still think about to this day.

I still think about Babar a lot, but we don't necessarily reference it, though I do like to pull out (moonmen never kid) at times. I also still think about Theodore the Tugboat and will go and listen to the theme song at times.

And of course there are the classics like Little Bear, Franklin, Arthur and others, but they're not ones that necessarily actually get directly referenced. Though I'm sure that there are many shows that I'm missing.

Anyways that's just my little musing on kid shows.

[chocolate-cream-soldier]

-.-

[unexpectederawhilesubmitting]

WARNING: DOCTOR WHO SPOILERS EXPLAINING REGENERATION SHENANIGANS

-------------------

okay so I was kind of not on board with the concept of bi-regeneration, mainly because of how it seemed like all of the Sad and the Trauma that the Doctor had undergone got kind of handwaved away? i'm all for ncuti's Doctor being sort of a fresh start/jumping on point for new viewers, but i didn't get how that could work if like, literally 40 minutes ago he was David Tennant being a sad wet puppy dog of a man

however, after rewatching it, i've realized what i think happened there, and it goes all the way back to something introduced with the 4th doctor's regeneration that was never explained: the Watcher

^this spooky guy

so, for those that don't know (or haven't seen every episode of a show that is over half a century old), the Fourth Doctor regenerates at the end of a story called Logopolis (he falls off a satellite dish, but that's not important right now). all throughout the episode, this weird figure, The Watcher, stands off in the distance, and even intervenes slightly by saving the Fourth Doctor's companion. there's not much given in the way of an explanation until the Fourth Doctor regenerates, saying "it's the end. but the moment has been prepared for..."

the watcher walks up, and gets absorbed in a super rad 1980's digital effect (never change doctor who), while his companion just gives us the not-super-helpful-for-lore statement "He was the Doctor all the time!"

then, in a crossfade, the Doctor goes from Four to weird-powder-man to Five

canonically, the Watcher is explained as a future version of the doctor that comes about in sort of a weird overlapping thing with the doctor's timeline, it's very wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey.

-------------------------

SO what does this have to do with biregeneration and satisfying character arcs/moving on from trauma?

Well, remember, Fifteen said this, about Time Lords doing rehab out of order:

so, here's the thing: Fifteen is the Doctor AFTER Fourteen (duh, I know?) But to be clear...Fourteen lives out an entire lifetime with Donna and family, gets to a ripe old age, and then, when his lifetime of healing is over, he gets yeeted back through his own timestream just to zoot himself out of David Tennant's chest.

Remember, his first words to Fourteen (after popping out of his chest) are "So good to see you! So good!", not the RTD classic "what?". He greets himself like he's almost expecting this, he then says "does anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on here?" which only makes sense if he's coming from a different point in his own timestream (remember, when two doctors interact, memory gets really weird, 10 and the War Doctor don't remember the events of Day of the Doctor until they live through them as 11).

SO TO BE CLEAR: Ncuti Gatwa is playing the Doctor AFTER he has spent years healing from his traumas. His Doctor is fine because Fourteen takes the time to rest and work on himself.

tl;dr: I didn't like biregeneration at first because I thought it looked like this:

In actuality, it looks more like this:

[dalliancekay]

On How Aziraphale Protects and Loves Crowley

I'm just tired of all the BS I read about Aziraphale. Again. Because, no, Crowley is not the plot driver and truth holder in GO. Yes, he loves Aziraphale and his actions are lead by the love but Aziraphale is not in the story just for Crowley to love the sweet naïve angel and eventually, hopefully lead him to the right path and then get him as a trophy for all his patience and understanding. Aziraphale also loves Crowley and his own decisions and actions are driven by that. He is not just some negating force to be overcome and Crowley is not the one patiently helping him get there. That's not their story. Aziraphale is not a dumb damsel in distress who Prince Charming has to rescue from a tower where she's asleep and blind to how her family is treating her so he can whisk her away. Aziraphale is his own person with his own truth and desires and goals (and they are valid and reasonable and rational). And he is good and kind. He ALWAYS was. And those goals of his are not in opposition to Crowley even when they are sometimes different to what Crowley wants. He does not need to be changed so Crowley gets what he wants. One is not a BAD and the other a GOOD character. Not in the least. I thought it was blatantly obvious by making them a literal demon and a literal angel. Sure, I love all the HCs about Crowley, but not if they are made at the expense of Aziraphale and unfortunately, they often are. If you care about Aziraphale, perhaps stop sometimes and consider, am I implying something about Aziraphale here that I did not intend? It's Crowley who teaches Aziraphale... it's Crowley who shows Aziraphale... it's Crowley who understands and is waiting for Aziraphale to see... why?? Why keep describing their beautiful relationship in this one sided way? Why so many find fault in Aziraphale in comparison, in opposition to something Crowley does or says or wants or is assumed to think? Please consider how these takes belittle Aziraphale and his person just like Heaven always belittled him; treating him as stupid, clueless and just waiting to be lead down the correct path and how much this would hurt him, HURT CROWLEY and humans that love him and identify with him. If you like Good Omens, try to rewatch it and look at Aziraphale, assume he is smart and good and brave and courageous and in love with Crowley and consider why he is doing what he's doing and saying. Consider how he is doing his very best in an extremely shitty situation. For a LONG time. So here's my rant today on why Aziraphale does what he does.

Let's start in Before the Beginning

Can't count how many times I saw people be angry with Aziraphale for telling Crowley about Earth and the plan to destroy everything about 6000 years after that particular project gets started. It's the reason Crowley fell apparently, it's the reason he's depressed, how could Aziraphale do that, why is he so mean... (not to mention that Crowley apparently also created the whole Universe basically by himself and the giddy sweet angel is also one of the highest Archangels too) I don't know what you wanted Aziraphale to do? Keep quiet so Crowley finds out from someone else? Has the kind of outburst he had in front of others? I think (and I bet Crowley'd agree) that Aziraphale was the best thing that could have happened to him at that moment. The anxious angel was kind and tried to explain and warn him to be careful. Did it work? We don't know. We don't know why Crowley fell. But if he did keep asking questions that were not welcome, that is certainly not Aziraphale's fault.

Do I really need to point out how upset Aziraphale is about the Flood? How he carefully words his statements, hoping Crowley will not do something rash, try something that will get him into trouble? This is not the first war or disaster they experienced. And far from the last. Do you really think Aziraphale didn't care about the kids? After being on Earth since the first kid ever was conceived? Did you miss how they say they can't disobey? (Crowley does not say it in the show, but he does in the book)

Why are people angry at Aziraphale for this? It's one step over - do you come here often? I think so anyway. He was just trying to be friendly to Crowley who was in a foul mood. It was not Aziraphale's fault and anyway, his awkward pick up line or whatever it was, did end up amusing Crowley when the angel tried to tempt him and he did manage to lift Crowley's mood. "Still in sales then?" Is absolutely the kind of stupid question I'd ask at an office party the cool person I wanted to be friends with, knowing full well they are in sales for the past 5 years (and therefore far less awkward than I am).

And perhaps that was the moment that seeded the idea of the Arrangement for Crowley. If the angel can tempt just as well as he can, perhaps they can trade jobs sometimes.

Do you think Aziraphale's fear is unfounded? (And do you see how he can't help but grin that someone sees them as a couple and how unbothered Crowley is by Aziraphale doing his protecting words thing?)

It's SAFEST to deny their friendship out loud.

Heaven WOULD try to hurt them over their friendship/ PARTNERSHIP. He always knew they would.

And so would Hell.

Six thousand years people say, 6000 years Crowley waited and it's too fast for Aziraphale? I MEAN REALLY

The poor heartbroken angel who just had to hand a LETHAL weapon to his beloved and will never forgive himself for this. Especially if something bad would happen. Can you imagine the weight on his heart?

Remember?

This is not an HC. This is how Crowley feels.

(Yes I know people HC that he does not care, that he wanted to Fall, that he chose to Fall, that he Fell doing something he believed in - but those are HCs, what Crowley says is that he didn't mean to Fall, that he hang out with the wrong guys, he tries to talk to God just like Aziraphale does and he does it by himself, he's not pretending for someone, it doesn't seem to be an act. And given the Angel!Crowley we know, that all seems plausible, although S3 might prove me wrong, who knows)

Have you ever been hurt by someone you love? By someone you know loves you? Someone who at the moment wants a different thing than what you do? Doesn't see what you want your way? What did you tell them at the height of an argument? Did you pick the worst thing you know they hate about themselves that would hurt them and throw it in their face? Did Aziraphale shout fine! Go! Damned, unforgiven, forever lost creature! No. He did not.

If that's not an expression of I will love you no matter what than I don't know what is. Well maybe this

You know what Crowley never got from Heaven (nor Hell)?

The feeling of being needed.

Why is understanding your partner and doing things they like a bad thing? Why is Aziraphale stating this a BAD thing? Why is he blamed for doing something they both enjoy? Do you think Crowley doesn't know that he's in love with a powerful ageless being bigger than we can imagine?

How else does Aziraphale protect Crowley?

Maybe the Ball wasn't strictly for Maggie and Nina. Maybe it wasn't just a chance to dance with his beloved. Maybe it was also a way to make sure his demon stays close by after the threats by Shax.

And do you remember that time Aziraphale stopped two thugs in a foggy cemetery to borrow a phone to check on Crowley when he was reminded of how he was taken from him some 200 years prior?

And what about this?

And you know what else does Aziraphale do for Crowley?

Trusts him

Teases him

Makes him laugh

Goes back to his abusers to protect him

And looks at him like this:

I run out of the 30 allowed images

[luguangssandwich]

I'm rlly tired rn so idk if any of this will make sense but I've done some sleuthing and rewatched the episode, now with the highly likely chance that Cheng Xiaoshi has dived back too. Hear me out:

Xiaoshi definitely did dive, and I think it started from the moment we saw his face in black and white at 4:59 PM:

And I think he stays until the Vivian arc fades out after they ran away (that was at 3:45 AM according to the clock in the room) I think he left as soon as they were safe and before the 12 hour limit passed. After that, he is back to the same, more naive and youthful person (who doesn't know about Lu Guang's powers) we have seen before the above. Everything he does in between those 12 hours is completely in line with his late S1 and S2 behaviour, I found it extremely uncanny and interesting to watch with this in mind!

Other bits that I found particularly interesting was the conversation after he pulled Lu Guang back to the studio. Qiao Ling asks what they should have for dinner and Cheng Xiaoshi suggests hot pot. We know this is his signature food, but I found Qiao Ling's response odd, because in the original Chinese subtitles she asks him if he's sick, because nobody eats hot pot during such a hot day. It felt odd because she made it seem out of character for him?

There's also CXS bossing Lu Guang around - at this point in time they know each other for a very brief amount of time, but the way he asks all these things of him feels like a future timeline in which they've already gotten extremely used and comfortable as partners and living together.

With this in mind, calling him "Guangguang" doesn't feel like it came out of nowhere anymore.

A few other pieces of dialogue I found extremely sus:

Even Lu Guang is surprised by his out of character behaviour at this point (but also vice versa!).

Now, the way he behaves during the date - I wouldn't say it's completely out of character for a future CXS to act out of his own wits. I don't think this guy's been on a single date in his life lol of course he would freak the hell out in such a situation, during previous dives he at least had the safety of possessing someone else. His empathy never fails so he tries to be kind and guide Vivian home, something a future Cheng Xiaoshi would do as well.

But what REALLY tipped me off is that there is no way a non-possessed CXS would've known that LG would know where he is at this moment in time, because he wasn't told until after this scene that he took a photo. I don't think the Vivian arc happened before (and it's possible it was triggered directly by the changed node when CXS dragged LG back to the studio). Cheng Xiaoshi had no idea Lu Guang would ACTUALLY SHOW UP IN PERSON tho (my guy at this point are u actually even surprised?) and probably just thought he'd call the cops, seeing how surprised he was at Lu Guang's appearance.

I'm gonna post the screenshot of Cheng Xiaoshi with golden eyes again because it really baffles my mind.

I don't know if any of this makes sense and I'd love to hear your thoughts!!

[disguting-girl-reads]

I started watching spn back in 2014, and destiel was already kind of huge at the time, and I remember watching it and waiting for it to make sense and it just never ever did. I couldn't comprehend what the actual hell these people were seeing in their relationship bc there was a whole bunch of nothing

I wasn't even a wincestie back then - wincest only really made sense to me last year on my rewatch - so I thought destiel was just a silly thing made by people who have to ship something in a media they consume at all costs and STILL that didn't make sense to me bc even though I didn't exactly ship the boys together, I could never ship them with other people for how unwell and weird they were to each other.

they were always a duo, even if you don't see it as romantic. and I just think that's the right way to watch the show, bc any other ship gets ridiculous compared to their relationship.

how can you even ship them with anyone else when you know damn well they would just throw that person away for their brother like 😭😭 I'm sorry but love to me has to be grandiose and codependent and the other person should be you whole world, and destiel can never be that bc dean would chose sam over cas in the blink of an eye

[fullofwoe5321]

The most Addams-coded scene

I want to show something for you guys

I was rewatching some Weyler scenes (Yes, because I miss them) and this scene have so many interpretations, but one I love the most is how Addams -coded is:

I love how Tyler is giving us a full acting scene here, but at the same time, it seems legit. He was really afraid Wednesday would cut him off once for all. But for me this is ALSO the Hyde taking over the situation to keep it under his control.

But he didn't see that coming... me neither... lol

He couldn't even fake his reaction. It was genuine. RIGHT HERE AND THEN, I knew he was the one to match her freak. And he knew she was the love of his life.

His eyes remind me the eyes of adoration Gomez always had when he looked at Morticia on the movies - exactly when she is saying the most preposterous thing and he is turned-on (I'll be back on this topic in a minute!) like: Oh Tish!

And I haven't finished it yet... lol

As her last resort, she tried to show him he had no remorse for her actions and to see how he would react after finding out about her murderous tendencies. She probably thought he would go out and leave her there and their story would end. She has this kind of behaviour: she pulls and pushes people all the time. It's a defense mechanism because she is afraid of being rejected, doesn't believe anyone could love and accept her -except her family- and she needs to be in control. She does the same thing in their date.

BUT lol he was as kooky - sorry SPOOKY- as her!

LOOK AT THIS FACE! THIS MAN IS SMITTEN! He is finally admitting he liked her because she is as insane as him!

AND she liked what she's seen… The confession scene is not only about Tyler but it is also about Wednesday soften for another person who truly seemed to accept her. She decided to enjoy this feeling of being seen, wanted and accepted. Why not? AND Tyler shares the same feeling.

gifs by @tastethesetears

This is one of the biggest evidences how Tyler fits in the Addamses way of life, but haters are going to say I'm creating a fanfic. Well, I'm not. Because right after that scene, what does Wednesday do? SHE DANCES. SHE DANCES FOR HIM! She never breaks eye contact with him during the dancing and he is mesmerized by her. And there was a reference from the tango which Morticia and Gomez danced.

gif by @victoria-pedrettis

And I dare to say that this dance was a seduction one, or a mating dance as I've already read. And Tyler got turned-on as he should. He accepted her kooky way of flirting and he liked. He understood he was accepted by her even after this confession. She got even more interested after his confession.

He is biting his nails watching her dancing. Do you guys really think he was not aroused? He is 16! Minutes before, they have showed Enid cleaning Lucas' trousers because she spillt a drink on his lap. REALLY?

And let me tell you guys a little bit more: I'm 100% sure Wednesday and Tyler would have kissed if it was not for Eugene's attack. The scene, the lights, their eyes, "let's get physical!... And I would have loved! They would date a little bit or maybe she would find out sooner he was the Hyde. But it would have been fun!

The Addams is about acceptance. They teach us to accept people's difference and love for who they are with dark humour. Their priority is family and support. More than a romantic envision and ship for Tyler and Wednesday, they both could find in their prior stories a way to connect with each other: two fucked-up kids who were both judged and criticized by their past actions as they were loners. As we don't know why Tyler destroyed Xavier's mural (we assumed he was a bully and hated outcasts due to his anger issues, the fact Nevermore was the one propping up his hometown and father's neglect), Wednesday defended her brother from bullies.

Anyway, this confession scene is where the show hinted Wednesday and Tyler definitely accepted each other. A person who harbors a dangerous darker tendencies aligns with the Addams Family Universe. Tyler being the Hyde was not a coincidence.

[uranometrias]

you can kiss a hundred boys — sam winchester

→ premise: you, the mostly stable edition to sam & dean's little hunting duo have found yourself the object of all of sam's hopes and dreams. the only problem? you barely seemed to give him a second glance and had a bigger sexual appetite than dean. which meant that night after night, bar after bar, and motel after motel, sam was forced to come to grips with the fact that you were far from interested in reciprocating any sort of feelings he may have been pathetically harboring. or so he thinks.

→ pairing: sam winchester x fem!reader

→ warnings: angst w/ resolution, heavy cursing, miscommunication trope? r! + sam both have issues with expressing themselves in healthy ways. sam is just exceptionally jealous + lashing out. r! has abandonment issues. semi love confessions. r! is described to be older than sam (take that as you will). no particular timeline, but set in earlier seasons. heavy making out. allusions and depictions of former sexual activity. no smut (i'm building up to it omg). teasing! dean. r! can kind of be read as alcohol dependant. fluff + happy ending <3

→ a/n: preparing to tackle writing a full length supernatural fic on wattpad within the coming days, and felt it was only right to dip my toes in writing for the fandom just to see if i even have a semblance of a shot of doing justice to this fandom. very very nervous at the attempt, but i hope at least one person winds up enjoying this! i hope i characterized sam well... i'm doing a rewatch of earlier seasons and tried to base this off that. fingers crossed it comes across the way i intended. <3

"And what the hell's gotten into you?" your hand drops to your hip, eyes dancing from Sam long enough to take in Dean who had his lips pursed in the way that told you he was keeping his quips and thoughts to himself. You'd just sidled up to the boys, grin big and eager as you rushed out practiced 'goodnights'. Some guy neither brother (or you for that matter) could be bothered to remember the name of had invited you back to his place, and you'd accepted graciously. After solving a case that went as good as any hunt could, you felt you owed it to yourself to have some fun.

And while the guy in no way looked like the future love of your life, there was no rule that said a girl couldn't have a little fun every once in a while. The only problem now seemed to be that your offerance of a goodbye had been enough to send Sam into a pissy mood. His face was scrunched up in that way that told you he was peeved, and for the very life of you, you couldn't figure out why.

"It's nothing." he reassures, and your eyes narrow, not buying it for even one second. "Have a good night." Sam's eyes are rolling before he can fully get it out, and your looking back at Dean, almost begging him to make things plain. All he does is let an exasperated puff of air fly from his nose as he downs his shot before flagging the bartender down for another one.

"Sammy?" and your head tips to the side, eyes shooting behind you to ensure your date for the night hadn't found someone else to occupy him. "Come on, you know I know something's wrong." you try, because even if you were itching to get laid, you cared about Sam and Dean more. Which meant if he was pissed with you, there was nothing that would stop you from at least attempting to fix it.

"Yeah, well there's not really anything you can do about it, so why don't you just go." and he's stern but not mean. Still, it makes you falter just a step. "You're better at that anyway." and this is grumbled, voice lowered, but you hear it all the same. It makes you scoff, letting out a disbelieving sort of laugh as your lips push out in disinterest.

"Right." and you wring your hands. "I guess I'll do that then." you don't mean to sound snarky, but now your feelings are hurt, and you've got no real clue why. Still, Sam Winchester was about as stubborn as you were avoidant, so if he was going to push you away, you were going to go with open arms. It's precisely why you don't say anything else as you turn on your heel and stomp away like a petulant toddler. Sam's body is swiveling in his chair, almost like he's had a change of heart, and he's turning to hurriedly apologize, but finds that you're nowhere near enough for him to try.

"Nice going." Dean says like the annoying older brother that he is, and he's letting out another chuckle that makes Sam want to slam his head into the bar seated right in front of him.

"Shut up." he retorts instead.

"Don't take it out on me just cause you're all pent up!" is what Dean says next, and Sam wonders if everything in Dean's life revolves around sex and hunting. "Maybe you should be a little more like her and get rid of some of that aggression. Hunting ain't gon' fix everything." Dean lectures, and Sam thinks if his eyes roll again they'll spin right out of the sockets.

"Look not everything can be fixed by sleeping with some stranger." Sam offers as Dean stares at him like he's grown a second head. "And besides, I didn't say anything wrong. She's always gone." he whines. "Every single night." he reiterates. "It's like she can't wait to get away from us." and Sam's not sure if that's his heartache or his abandonment issues talking. Dean isn't sure either. "I mean, even you take breaks sometimes." and Dean resists the urge to react to the clear jab at his sexual history.

"So she's having some fun. What's the harm in that? It's not like she can't take care of herself. The kid packs a mean punch." and he winces at the memory of learning it first hand.

"Yeah, I know that." Sam retorts instantly.

"So then what's the problem?" Dean is quick with his assault of questions, and Sam just wants to be left alone to pout and be angry, but he knows Dean won't let him. He never does, not fully.

"There's no problem." he tries, and Dean's smacking his teeth.

"Bullshit." he spits. "You don't jump down somebody's throat like that and take shots if there's no problem. So what is it? You worried about her or something?" and Dean is just barely missing the point. "Cause it ain't your job to ride her back Sam, she can handle herself. Sort of cases we deal with everyday a couple of guys from the bar ain't gonna be too much trouble."

"Yeah, I got the message. She can handle herself." and he's grumpier than before, the evidence plain as day on his face.

"So then what the hell's your problem?" Dean demands.

"I like her, Dean." Sam finally offers and Dean's hand is waving him off instantly.

"Well sure, I like the kid too-"

"No, Dean." he emphasizes as Dean's eyebrows jump up. It takes him a second, but it finally clicks, hitting him like a ton of bricks as his mouth screws open in surprise. His body twists, chair turning as he turns in the direction you'd just gone, and then he's looking back at Sam and every last bit of the exasperation and grouchiness makes sense. He knows he ought to be gentle with this, but finds himself smirking coyly.

" Well, well, well." he reaches out and claps a hand against Sam's back, and the much taller man jolts at the impact. "And all this time I was worried you'd forgotten how to love a woman." and Dean is Dean, which means he's probably got no idea how insensitive his remark could be. But Sam knows Dean better than anyone, so he knows he doesn't mean much harm.

"Shut up." is Sam's instant response.

"I'm just saying. You've had a lot of misses there, Sammy. So as far as interest goes, this is damn sure a step in the right direction." And Sam notes how Dean always talks about you like you're the best person in their life. Sam knows you're not, but he like that Dean admires you so much. You were a lot like him, so Sam supposed it made sense. You both were rougher around the edges, strong, smart in the tactical sense.

And you both liked to drown your sorrows and trauma in things like booze, beer, and sexual conquests. And don't get him wrong, he had no real issue with the fact you were sexually liberated. In fact it was a very respectable sort of thing for what a woman to be. He just hated the fact that he never crossed your mind in that way. He was certain you'd even joked at some point about sleeping with Dean just for kicks.

"She's not a hill to climb, Dean." Sam shoots back, and he wishes he had just kept his mouth shut.

"Of course." Dean retorts, sounding unconvinced, because as usual anything that revolved around actually being interested in a woman past sleeping with her was lost on Dean. Which meant even with his teasing, he still only thought Sam was interested in you in the weakest of senses. But that wasn't the case. Because you were so much more than just some woman to conquer. He didn't even think he'd get the chance to try. You were daunting in the best way, too sure of yourself to take being used.

Which is why he never said anything. Because at first he thought you were only a pretty face that took his mind off the hurt Jess' death left behind. Until suddenly the thought of Jess didn't sting as bad, only because your presence became some sort of salving balm. He was screwed beyond repair.

"I'm serious." Sam insists, and now it's Dean's turn to roll his eyes.

"Oh, give me a break, Sam." he retorts. "Matter of fact, give yourself a damn break. You're gonna tear yourself apart sitting here pouting about it like a damn child." and Sam huffs through his nose. "If you're not gonna be a man about it and say something, then stop making it everyone else's problem." And Dean's not being mean. He's being Dean, but in his current state, Sam doesn't have it in him to not take offense. The whole 'Be a man' of it all reminding him too much of John.

"Screw you, Dean." Sam's up before either of them can really register it, and Dean's surprised at the drama of it all. It was different when they butt heads over cases, or their differing opinions of their father. But they didn't fight over stuff like this. They both just went about their lives doing their own thing as far as women were involved. And sure Dean knew you were beautiful, but you all knew how dangerous your job was. Falling in love was a death wish, and he thought Sam of all people knew it.

But as usual, he was wrong.

"Sam!" Dean calls after his younger brother, who navigates through the quickly growing crowd of drunks with ease. "Sammy!" He knows Sam hears him, but is choosing to ignore him. Dean also knows Sam doesn't have the keys to the impala, so it's not like he could actually leave. Which is the only reason he decides to give his baby brother a second to cool off. If he hadn't spun the block in ten minutes max though, Dean would be up and out of the bar guns almost blazing.

By the time Sam had managed his way through the crowd and stepped out of the bar, he'd partially forgotten what his big tantrum was about. That is until his eyes skim the parking lot, and he finds you of all people pressed up against the side of the place all by yourself. Your back is pressed fully into the brick of the building, eyes closed as you lent your head back. You looked a lot grouchier than you'd been earlier when you'd bounced over with all your teeth showing.

He wonders if your sour mood has anything to do with him.

He stands there for a moment, debating if he would approach you, before you open your eyes, and spot him. He thinks that answers the question for him. "What are you doing out here?" he asks, and your lips push out in a show of your disinterest in having a conversation with him. You were still upset by what he said. Figures. He lets his feet drag him towards you, and you tense up the moment he's close enough to really take you in. Your entire body is clenched up, and you're quick to force a wider gap between the both of you as Sam mimicked your posture on the wall.

"I thought you were getting out of here." and he doesn't know why he continues to talk, when it's clear you're choosing to ignore him.

"I thought so too." you reply gruffly, face scrunched up in disappointment.

"So what happened?" he pries. "Change your mind?"

You shoot him a sour look. "What are you doing, Sam?" you demand. "It's barely been twenty minutes. Whatever happened to 'Why don't you just go?'." you recite his words back to him and he winces. "You didn't want to talk to me before, so I don't want to talk to you now." you say, and it's a little bit childish. You both know it. But that was the thing about the two of you. Where you and Dean meshed because of your similarities, you and Sam often found yourselves in moments of odds.

When Dean pissed you off, all it'd really take is a few hours apart and then you'd both show up with peace offerings and move on as if nothing happened. It wasn't like that with Sam, not in the slightest. He always wanted to push, to dig your emotions out of you. You despised it, almost as much as you hated how he could be such a hypocrite sometimes. Forcing you to bare everything you felt to him, but lashing out at you and Dean whenever things got too much in his head. Sometimes you hated him.

Sometimes you hated both of them.

But most times you adored them, loved them with an intensity that you could never really understand. They were your boys, your best friends. The only family you still had and could trust now. And it was a step up from the family you used to have. Jim, Jack, and Jose could only help you so much. That family only ever left you with headaches and numbness. Dazes that lasted longer than your moments of clarity, and horrible hangovers. It was why you tried so hard with Sam and Dean.

Even when they pissed you off.

Because they saved you from yourself. Showed you there was more to life than drinking away your despair. In return you offered them protection. Someone else to take on the weight of keeping them safe. It was a fair deal. Hunting with them, being a team. They watched you back, and you watched theirs, and you all became better.

"I shouldn't have said it." he says with a sigh. "I don't even know why I did." Sam says, and you know there's more. Lots more he won't say. But you need him to, mostly because you'd been driving yourself sick thinking that he was growing tired of you being around. You were worried that one day you'd have nowhere to go back to. That one day they'd grow tired enough of you and all your tears, and anger, and aggression, and you'd wake up to an empty motel room. Find out the impala was long gone, with you left in the dust.

You think that's why you try to find someone new on every hunt. Why you'd allowed yourself to start drinking a bit more again, why you giggled a little harder at some of the unfunny jokes of the men and women who picked you up at the bars. Because if you had them, had someone, it wouldn't matter if Sam and Dean one day disappeared. You'd be okay, you'd be settled. You'd survive the heartache.

"Don't lie to me, Sam." you reply quietly, and your voice is heady. Sam hadn't even noticed the flask at first, his eyes widening in that way that showed he was worried about you. In your drunk and angry state though, it just looks like disgust. "If you're just gonna do that, you can fucking leave." you insist, and Sam is shocked. "See if I give a damn." and that was another problem with you and Sam. You both weren't the best with confrontation. Sure, you could both lash out, get angry and spew out the things you'd bottled up. But it wasn't like you ever really heard one another out.

When you fought, you both came in with your calculated notions and beliefs of each other. You didn't listen to reason, you listened to how you felt. What you believed to be right. Which meant that in moments like these where you're spewing words like 'See if I give a damn', all it really told Sam was that every thought he ever had about you wanting to get away from him and Dean seemed to be proven right.

"Well if you don't give a damn, then why do you even bother sticking around?" he seethes, and you scoff, head whipping around to fully stare him down. "I mean trust me, we'd never want to hold you back." and he says this part mockingly, and you think you hate him a bit more than you ever have. "Why don't you just leave for good? Why do you stay? Why do you- why do you keep up with any of this?" he demands and you push off the wall, turning your body as you glare up at him.

"Is that what you want? For me to leave for good, Sam?" you question, hands balling into tight fists as Sam's mouth drops open in shock at your question. The obvious answer being absolutely not. "Is that why you've been walking around with a stick up your ass, lashing out, and acting like a fucking toddler, you want me gone? You're a grown man, Samuel, why don't you just grow some balls and fucking say that instead of-" and you scoff because you feel yourself getting all the more angry just looking at him. "God, I don't even know why the hell I even bother with you Winchesters!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you drive me fucking crazy!" you erupt, voice picking up. "You know why I'm still here? Why I'm not off having a nice night?" you ask, but he knows it's rhetorical, so he doesn't speak. "Because I felt like shit leaving, knowing that you think I'm better at being gone than helping you when you're upset. I couldn't even think about sleeping with someone else when my friend was sitting at the bar dealing with whatever shit was flying through your head seemingly all by yourself. Because of course Dean wouldn't push you too far unless you were in danger."

And Sam thinks about how Dean hadn't chased him down when he left the bar, and finds himself a bit surprised at how much you pay attention to them both.

"Which meant if you weren't in danger, you wouldn't tell him shit. You'd bottle it up and try to deal with it alone. And I thought how fucked up of me to be thinking about sex when you were obviously really fucked up over something." you huff. "But now, you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that I was stupid for getting myself in a position where I care so much about two people who time and time again prove to everyone in their fucking circumference that we're better off leaving you two the fuck alone." you proceed, and Sam's as defensive as ever now. Face growing warm in anger.

"You knew what you were getting into when you decided to tag along." Sam retorts like a child. "Nobody's holding you hostage. Nobody is keeping you here against your will, okay? If we're that horrible to endure than leave. We'll be fine without you, we always are." Sam insists, and you scoff again, this one more disbelieving than the other. "No, I'm serious. You're never around after hunts anyway. If you're so eager to get away from us, if we're too much for you, than why torment yourself any longer? Go."

"Screw you, Sam."

"Screw me? How could this possibly be on me?"

"You're trying so hard to make this my idea." you snap. "But it's not, Sam. I'm still here. Don't you think if I wanted to leave you and your brother to rot that I could've several times over? Despite what you may believe, I have enough self respect to leave a situation I don't want to be in. You're the one being a moody jackass that can't grow the hell up and say what he feels." and you catch yourself. "And excuse me if sometimes I want a chance to feel like a regular fucking person." you proceed. "It's not like the odds of a hunter falling in love and living some cookie cutter life are high."

Sam blinks at that reminder.

"So don't make me feel like shit because you're too scared to let yourself feel even a semblance of normalcy for once." You're turning again, letting yourself lean back against the wall as you down all that's left inside the flask.

"I'm sorry." Sam exhales the words, guilt and aggravation rolling off of him in waves.

"Yeah, well you should be." you retort. "I'm not the enemy here, Sam. And despite what you seem to think of me, I'm not just itching to go off on my own and leave you two behind. You guys are my family. We're in this shit together." you remind him. "But not if you keep like this, Sam. I'm not going to let you push me away. At that point i'd just go." you admit, and it's the truth. The codependency that ran deep between Sam and Dean was not something you'd choose to take on. Even if the thought of leaving them felt like splitting your heart apart and stomping on it, you had to love yourself more.

"I'm not trying to push you away." he insists, and your eyebrow jumps.

"Could have fooled me." you reply and Sam huffs.

"I'm a jackass, okay? I never should have-" and he thinks it was way easier expressing himself back at the bar with Dean. "I shouldn't have said any of it." and it's true, even though it was a constant thought. But that wasn't your problem, his personal issues with being abandoned or better put unstable as far as the people in his life were concerned. "Jesus." and the instant replay of every word he'd spewed at you guts him. Was he really that insecure? That filled to the brim with jealousy that he couldn't express his fears of losing you without lashing out and making you the villain.

God, he'd never felt more like John.

"Be honest with me." you demand. "What the hell's going on with you, Sammy? You're freaking me out, okay? What is it? Are you having nightmares again? More visions?"

"No." he denies plainly. "It's not like that." and while he did still have nightmares and visions, this had nothing to do with why he was in this particular situation with you.

"Then what? You know you can tell me anything."

"Not this."

"Well why not?" you press, and you feel annoyance flaring up again.

"I just can't, alright?"

"Oh, give me a fucking break, Sam!" you sneer. "How can you apologize and then go right back to acting like this?" you say.

"Because I am sorry." he promises. "I'm more sorry than you'll ever know. I'm sorry for what I said, and for talking to you like that, okay? It never should have happened. I shouldn't have ever said it. But this is personal. It's not something you can help."

"So, I'm just supposed to accept that it's always going to be like this?" and he thinks the answer is no. Just as soon as he gets over you, he can go back to normal. But he had no clue when that would be, or how long it would take. "Where you're angry at me?" you clarify, and Sam's immediately turning his stare to you.

"I'm not angry with you, Y/N."

"Then what is it? Are you-" you close your eyes and take in a breath when you start to yell again. "Sam, you have to give me something."

"Why can't you just accept that I can't tell you?" Sam questions as he straightens up, towering over you in the way he seemed to tower over everyone else. Still, you were older than him, intimidating in the way that a hard life seemed to make people. You match his stance, standing straighter as you glare up at him, and he glares down at you. "Why can't you just respect that and let me deal with this on my own?"

"Because I seem to be the only person getting affected by this little mood swing of yours." you remind him. "I'm the one getting the smart remarks, and the attitude, and the cold fucking shoulder. Not Dean, and not anybody else. So obviously your funky attitude has something to do with how you feel about me. So what is it? What did I do?" you ask, and you know you're treading dangerous territory, but you never cared. Angry or not, this was still Sam, your Sam, which meant you'd get him to crack eventually. You were more determined than most.

"You infuriate me!" he finally exclaims. "That's it." he adds, as you stare slack jawed. "You take up space, and make every part of my life difficult. When it was just me and Dean, he was the only thing I had to worry about. I looked out for him, and he looked out for me, and that was it. But then you showed up and you made it so easy to care about you. But now it's not just as simple as caring about you. It's not like Jo and Ellen and Ash where we're like partners. It's not like with Bobby, who's family. Because while I care about them no part of me harps on keeping them safe 24/7."

It takes you a second to recover from his initial words, as the rest spills out of him like a faucet, you find yourself shuffling away from Sam. "But that's all I can think about with you. Making sure you're safe, taking care of you. And sure, Dean thinks about it too, but it's different. It's always been different. And I haven't felt this way since Jess, so that's why it's-it's easier to make you want to leave than handle you deciding one day that you're done with us and disappearing. So I'm sorry, okay? It's not your problem, it's mine." he tells you, and you think you've never been more lightheated.

"And I'll work on it. I'll get better, it'll be okay, and we'll go back to normal eventually. But until I can get a lock on this, on how I feel, I can't be okay with you running off and being with someone new when I want you the way that I want you. But I'd never tell you what to do, or how to cope. So I don't say anything. I never say anything." he breathes the words out and they're painted with aggression and heartache, and it makes your stomach flip in the worst way. "Are you happy now?"

"Sammy..."

"I don't need you to feel bad for me, but now you see why I didn't want to talk about it."

"Sam, you're a coward." you huff out, and he exhales.

"I know."

"And you can't just- you can't just lash out on me... or anyone else just because you have feelings you don't understand." you lecture him.

"I understand my feelings perfectly, Y/N. That's what you and Dean don't ever seem to understand. I know exactly how I feel, and I know exactly what lengths I'd go to." he tells you more seriously than he's been all night.

"What lengths?"

"To protect you, to make sure you were okay. It's not something as simple as me just... wanting to get a few rocks off. Or because we're stuck on the road together, and you're just some pretty girl. I've never had a doubt in my mind that my brother would go to the ends of the world for me. And I'd do the same thing for him." he tells you, and you already knew that. "But now you're included in that. You're someone I take account of, and the things I'd do for you they're not normal, they're not okay."

"Sam..."

"Look, I never said you had to feel the same way. You're the one that pushed. You're the one that asked to know what you did."

"Sammy? You out here?" you both stall at the familiar sound of Dean, who's instantly looking between the both of you with a mixture of relief and curiosity on his face. "What's this? We throwing a party back here?" he questions as you snort out a laugh.

"Hardly." you retort. "You're packing it in early." you comment as Dean offers you a smirk that's so Dean.

"I could say the same for you." and then he's looking to Sam with a knowing glance on his face. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No." Sam says instantly, and Dean looks to you.

"Yes."

"Guess the Ayes have it." he whistles at his brother's expense, clapping him on the shoulder again, as he tosses the keys to Baby up in the air before catching them in his hands. "If you guys aren't done in ten, I'm leaving your asses." and you know he's mostly joking, but still, you feel a flower bomb of appreciation exploding in your chest.

"Wait, De-" Sam starts, only to be ignored as Dean tosses the keys up in the air once more, catching them as he strides off, almost as quickly as he showed up, and Sam's turning to you with a questioning and pensive look on his face. "I don't really see what else there is to talk about." Sam says as you poke him roughly in the chest.

"Cut the crap, Sam. You're not the only person allowed to talk here, alright?" you tell him, and his eyes roll. "Were you even going to give me a chance to say anything back?" you question.

"What's the use, I already know what you're going to say." he tries, and you snort.

"You're a coward, Sam Winchester."

"I think we already covered that." he says dryly, as you shake your head.

"Why didn't you ever say anything? About how you feel?" you pry.

"You said it yourself. Hunters don't get to fall in love and live a cookie cutter life." he reminds you and you shake your head again.

"But you didn't even give me a chance to decide if I even wanted to try. What were you going to do? Ice me out until you forced yourself to feel differently for me? You're that determined to die with your pride?"

"It's not about pride. It's about being realistic, it's not like you ever gave me any sort of indication that feeling this way was alright."

"Sam, you're allowed to feel however you want. It's not my job to tell you if the way you feel for me is okay, because it is." you retort. "Even if I didn't feel the same way." you remind him, as his face seems to tinge with embarrassment. "Lucky enough for you though, doofus. I think there's worse things in the world than having feelings for a Winchester." and it takes it a moment to register on Sam's face, his eyes widening.

"What?"

"Look. I'm not saying it's true love, okay? All the shit we've seen, I don't know if humankind was lucky enough to earn it. But I do know that you're so important to me. Important enough to put everyone else on the backburner. I thought it was clear enough that I love you, Sam. What I don't understand is why you were so scared to tell me the truth." you admit as Sam lets your words float around him like a wave.

"I was scared you'd leave." he admits plainly.

"Sometimes I get scared of that too. That one day you'll both vanish right out of my life." you admit, and it squeezes Sam's heart in his chest. "Maybe that feeling will never fully go away, we can't ever say what'll happen in the future. But I do know that I'm here now." you tell him and you reach out and grab his hand. "And you're here now, okay? So why don't we let that be enough for us for now. If that's what you want." you offer, and Sam looks at you, really looks at you, and thinks he'll love you forever. Almost as much as he hates you for running his mind like it was your own.

"I do. I want that."

"Okay." you squeeze his hand gently. "So can we try again? Without the theatrics and the yelling this time. Just- just tell me what you'd want from me, Sammy."

"I want to be with you." he says it so hurriedly, you can't fight your little smirk. "And I don't know how long it'll last, but I know I'll try for as long as I can to make it work. I know we can't exactly have... an apple-pie life, but- I could be whatever you need me to be. I just know all this hunting stuff, saving people stuff makes a lot more sense when you're doing it with me, okay? And I don't want to lose that-" you don't leave room for much else, tugging him towards you and pouring every bit of how much you care about him into the way you kiss him.

Instantly, he's picking you up by the thighs, letting them wrap around his hips as he kisses you back feverishly. It's almost dizzying, especially as your head smacks the brick wall of the bar, your hands flying from his face, to his hair, and back down again. He thinks he could kiss you forever, and you think you could quite quickly learn to believe in true love. It wasn't conventional, but you knew you'd love him forever, almost as much as you hated him for controlling the beat of your heart as if it was his own.

You were certain if the desperation grew any thicker you'd both be stripped bare right there in the open, but the obnoxious honk, honk, honk of Dean from the driver's seat of the impala pulls you both apart like you'd been electrocuted. "Get a room!" he exclaims, face covered in fax disgust as Sam's hands squeeze politely at your hips as you stare up at him.

"At least we don't have to have the talk with your brother." you offer sheepishly.

"Oh, he'll find a way to force the talk." Sam retorts as you both chuckle nervously. Since you'd met there had always been a difference in the way you were with Dean, and the way you were with Sam, and you think that this new turn in your relationship with Sam would come with a lot of hard work, a lot of work that you'd normally never be inclined to give a chance. But as Sam gingerly places you back on two feet, and you find your knees wobbling just slightly as he nods his head towards the impala, that you would much like he insisted: go to the ends of the world [and everything in between] just to get back to him. which meant in the grand scheme of things, that even if things romantically ended horribly wrong, Sam Winchester was a good risk.

One you'd gladly make for the rest of your life.

Even if he didn't know it yet.

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 9 part 2

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

I'm glad nicky came up with a cool new tune because according to period movies and shows greensleeves is the only song anyone ever knew

look at that meek little smile, ughhhh. nicky is like two days old and this asshole has already figured out he's the perfect prop for her murder sprees. and these poor women are calling her sister and are willing to help too.

the spell is te accipimus in circulum, we accept you in the circle, and yes that makes me cry a little. we accept you in our community. and the spell is yellow air magic, which sounds like the most empathic kind if Lilia is any indication.

that's interesting, you can't really tell that well from screencaps but go rewatch the scene, this witch is making mushrooms grow with yellow magic instead of green?? is it just a spell (she is holding a book) or have I been getting it all wrong and color has nothing to do with the type of magic one has?

or maybe??? the color depends on the coven you're in?? the salemites all had blue magic for example. and now that I think about it the stone circle is a protection spell but it's not red/orange.

the meaning of this scene is so glaring dear lord. agatha was never going to give these women a chance to prove that yes, there are people out there who could love and help and accept her. she has shut herself up to that possibility a long time ago.

and she stole the soup too. awful.

I've seen all the different theories about nicky needing to feed on witches too, or nicky needing soul sacrifices to survive because he's the son of death etc. we don't have enough evidence to prove anything yet, but personally I headcanon nicky as a totally normal kid, that makes this story even more tragic.

and aww that baby suckling on the little pudgy fist

nicky doesn't look that happy about what he's been asked to do, does he?

we establish that nicky was sickly (maybe he was born with some internal defect that rio temporarily patched up?) we also see him steal the bell agatha will use for her Road scam in the future.

and we meet yet another witch being kind and wanting to help.

agatha: I love this six year old so much I'm gonna make him accessory to murder

dO yOU ShaME YouR MOtHER

and the big fake gasp too. as usual this bitch has conned a whole community

like, she's convinced herself that other witches are bad and are after her WHILE relying on witches's good hearts to con and kill them. what sort of mental gymnastics???

color goes from yellow to purple. nicky waits outside while his mom commits murder, it's not a good look on agatha. completely fucked up, actually.

(I'm terrified that the goat will end up being an agent of mephisto or something idiotic like that, lemme tell you. I hope they're just keeping it for milk and company.)

and here's the million dollar question. nicky has seen his mom kill literally since he was born, and now he's old enough to start realizing what that means.

oooh I know that look, that's agatha when she's put on the spot. she avoids his gaze, she can't be sincere with him.

and of course she's teaching herself spells from a book. nerrrrrrd

nicky, bless his soul, appears to give it a good thought and then offers a practical suggestion. I guess he wouldn't mind to have a roof on his head and some friends too.

GREAT acting from kathryn here. the quick OH SHIT face followed by the super final NO, with her jaw so rigid. in typical agatha fashion, when she's upset she becomes avoidant.

this is evanora's legacy. despite agatha's immense love for nicky, she is passing all that pain down and inflicting it on him.

remember when she called billy a survivor? this is the greatest asset in her opinion, the one she wants to teach her son. the truth is, she is angry at witches because she is scared of them, she's scared of being targeted again. but look at that kid's dark circles, I can't believe she's making him sleep in the woods, sick as he is!

really really fantastic subtlety. agatha wants to sound wise and strong, but she looks scared, uncertain, guilty.

see how nicky looks at agatha while he sings? he's checking to see if she's noticing, because his mom likes music and likes his voice. he's afraid he has upset her and wants to make her smile. he tried to reason with her, and now he tries to soothe her. this is what happens when you have an immature parent, a child will want to help, they will try to fix things. they'll end up parenting their parent, and it should always be the other way round.

agatha takes the bait. she's relieved that the conversation has moved to a safer subject. but oh, this script is so good. this is a mostly innocent, mostly sweet remark, but with a possessive undertone. don't forget that you are mine, she says.

and still, the love is real. even in a fucked up situation like this, these moment of happiness are precious and genuine and will linger on. look at how adoringly nicky looks at his mom, she's literally the sun and center of his small world, and that's how agatha likes it: she created nicky because she needed someone who could be hers without any baggage or consequences. but it turns out that raising a child is not a cheat code for love, it's one of the most difficult, most significant and impactful decisions a human can make.

go to episode 9 part 3

[poisonedfate]

bbc merlin - 03x10 Queen of Hearts

rewatching merlin is actually a sick and twisted way to spend your time, because even before arthur started to have his big run-ins with betrayal (yeah, he found about his mother, but who talked him out of that one?), he was hurt by the idea of merlin keeping secrets. that one last betrayal was built up brick by brick, slowly, and you get to watch it happen, you get to know it all before arthur even has the slightest clue, you get to see merlin drowning in the choices he has to make.

and, yeah, betrayal is one thing, but this isn't exactly about that. this is about secrets, how at this point in time, he cannot fathom the idea merlin would keep something from him. i know i say this a lot, but merlin really does know everything about arthur. he's there, always around, he sees and hears and feels, and he's the one arthur talks to, because who else, right? even arthur must be aware that merlin knows him better than anyone.

then, of course, you also have arthur's attempts at making sure merlin is okay, attempts at talking. time and time again he's noticed merlin being off, trying to figure out what the cause is. this was never a one way kind of thing. and it comes back to arthur asking for merlin's thoughts, advice, so on - it's all built on trust, it's built on the concept in arthur's head that merlin, of all people, will tell him everything there is to know.

the "last betrayal" was always different, was always going to be different, i mean even the very motivation, so to say, behind it is not comparable to the rest of it. but it's also because of scenes like this, that it's so different. merlin couldn't possibly be keeping secrets, right? not him, not from arthur.

it's like watching a car crash happen, seeing a heart get broken, all of it slowed down just for the pleasure of seeing every little detail. all the cracks that appear, the one's before the actual impact, the ones that throw fuel to the fire they don't even feel yet, the fire you can already see burning.

[ablobwhowrites]

Another y/n idea but I rewatched the Lego movie recently

MEGA YAP SESSION COMING UP

I love this Benny from the Lego movie dude. And was thinking of a y/n who is basically like Benny cause I think he's very neat and I don't know if I should make this y/n a superhero or just a weird little guy who has powers but just prefers to be in space sometimes.

This y/n can be used it other ideas for yandere stories but I'll keep this one open for any as one I thought of was cookie run, sonic?, digital circus, transformers?, and other stuff that I didn't put here but here's the first idea or concept of how this y/n kind is

Cause the first idea for this y/n who's like Benny the astronaut guy is for yandere cookie run stuff. Just him getting so excited about the cookies letting him build a spaceship or if anything space related that the cookies wanna know and y/n will yap about it and the cookies love all the cheerfulness y/n has and how like Benny in the Lego movie can just fly or float around but y/n keeps his space suit and no one knows why but leaves it cause y/n is happy (y/n probably has multiple of the same suit in his closet) so the tailor and fashion cookie give y/n clothes and stuff but he doesn't really wear it but does keep his space suit clean and once was caught in their pajamas while cleaning their space suit but the cookie never told a soul about it and the cookie was Caramel Choux Cookie who got worried when she saw upset y/n was about the big stain on his suit but got it properly washed because washing it the regular way wasn't getting the stain out.

Y/n is trying to repair his space ship as his friends the other astronaut are in space waiting for him to come back but oddly the supplies he got is always disappearing and the metal for his ship which frustrates y/n a lot and to bad their comlinks to the others doesn't work mysteriously as it was working yesterday and oddly something looks like it chewed the wires. Y/n gets so excited about gifts as all of them are space themed and it reminds him of home with his other friends as he feel some what homesick as he misses being at the base with his friends, going to collect rock samples to study, be in the cafeteria just to chat and hangout then being able to stare out the big windows to the stars and so much more but he tries to keep a good attitude about it as he will fix the ship and go back home! Eventually as there's much to do on earthbread than he thought and what the cookies say as well.

Y/n sometimes just spaces out and it worries some cookies who didn't know y/n did that but the others are fine with it as y/n just snaps out of it quickly after a few minutes or if his name is called. Y/n doesn't gets frustrated just like Benny does in the movie with the computer not listening. Y/n pulls the same expression when he gets frustrated with something not working the way it's supposed to or if he is just and the cookies find it adorable how y/n looks when frustrated but then help anyways they can if y/n let's them. Y/n floats around a lot sometimes and cookies who can fly just make sure y/n doesn't float to far away because that once happened before and was found on top of the cookie kingdoms rooftop at the tallest point and needed help down.

(That's it for my little yap session for today. If you guys like it and want more please don't be shy and request any ideas for stories or y/n's you want! But for now please stay safe and drink water!)

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I guess Korea is supporting us now?

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

April 2025 Week 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Top Form (Thurs WeTV) ep 5 of 10 - I know (but also I keep forgetting until the credits roll) that this show is based on a yaoi. The Japanese feel of all of the characters and their interactions that keeps hitting me broadside. For example the whole smoking sequence in this episode. Then I’m reminded that this is Japanese IP at the end, and then I retroactively forgive it startling behavior in each episode. I think I would enjoy this more if I reminded myself as it starts that this is Japanese sensibilities Thai style. This is an authentic adaptation, more so than anything GMMTV has ever given us. (Much as I loved Cherry Magic it was a very VERY GMMTV Thai BL take.)

Sweet Tooth Good Dentist (Fri iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - It was fine. They are cute enough. But I’m over the moon that Jimmy comes in next episode. That’s all I really care about right now. Honestly I wish I liked this show more, I want to like it. It should be me cup of tea teeth.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Heesu in Class 2 (Korea Fri Viki) eps 7-8 of 10 - I am so glad and relieved that Heesu’s bestie crush has finally ended. Thank you. Could we please get on with the BL portion of this narrative now? Honestly, I adore Heesu because he is both honest and earnest (I think that's why the people around him do too). What an utterly charming main character to get to spend time with. I cant wait until next week. I honesly don't mind that the crush swung so swiftly and easily because frankly, that's high school for you, and also we get VO of Heesu's thoughts, so we are kind with him... at least I am.

PS On a complete aside. I cant believe how long this BL is... from Korea! 

PPS I have to confess that I too love carrot juice.

Business as Usual (Korea Thurs Viki) Ep 3 of 7 - ep 3 and we got a confrontation already! And a reverse pov? Excellent. i’m not wild about the reason for the split being miscommunication and fear and running away, I feel like it would be nice we got something different from Korea this time. But I’m still enjoying the show = good kisses, heart-beak et al.

Secret Relationships (Korea iQIYI) ep 8 end - very exciting final episode. Quite thrilling, actually. If you're into, ya know, soap operas and melodrama. Which I absolutely am. As is customary with these kinds of BLs, I spent a good portion of it saying "this boy needs a therapist not a boyfriend!" But they did make a cute couple, with good kisses, even with the ubiquitous year gap at the end.

Summary 

An entirely unhinged story about a very troubled office worker and the three men who are passionately in love with him. Two of whom are very warped and unhinged about it. This is an unadulterated melodrama, and extreme in always including domestic violence, kidnapping for love, and some light stabbing. As ya do. It’s a wild ride, but enjoyable. The visuals are excellent, the acting is fun if chewy, and the chemistry is good all round. However this kind of BL has a low rewatch potential and too much violence for me personally. 8/10

Something Is Not Right (Korea Weds Viki) ep 1 of 8 - Interesting start. Unusual and I kind of like it. They are so cute and so in love and so teen crush. Tsundere is VERY tsundere. It's a very manwha piece, much more so than Blueming ever felt. I'm not in love with it, but I'm not upset with it either.

Fight for You (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 12 - Aw he has such sad eyes. The conceits of this show are increasingly ridiculous and yet I’m enjoying it immensely. Especially when they’re kissing. Thank you Taiwan. Also, how could he not fall in love with the sunshine, when the sunshine is essentially being the perfect boyfriend? That said, I never high rank a show where one of them is lying to the other one essentially the whole time - so that is tempering my enjoyment. But I am still enjoying it despite that one big worry. 

Exclusive Love (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 11 of 12 - pocky game with your quasi-ex-bestie when he's getting married the next day? That’s a wild idea honeychild. I do like that we got a lot of the sides this time around. And kidnapping and some self sacrifice stabbing. The usual.

It's airing but......

Sashes and Hearts (Pinoy YT) 13 eps - Philippines is doing Drop Dead Gorgeous only all gay boys queening their asses off. Doesn't interest me, not sure if it's BL.

Last Meal Universe (Thai ????) 8 eps - An alien who has come to destroy earth instead falls in love with Thai food and then the Thai boy who cooks it - realistic, actually. I got a link to watch but it still wouldn't work for me, so I guess I'm waiting to see what happens.

Lost in the Woods (Weds Gaga) 7 eps - Not my thing, dropped at ep 2.

Secret Ghost (Thai Sat Viu) ?? eps - The trailer dropped and it looks so bad.

My Golden Blood (Weds iQIYI) 12 eps - dropped at ep 5. I just can't. It's too awful. I did try. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

COMING IN APRIL

4/20 Boys in Love (Thai Sun iQIYI ) 12 eps - Our only true high school BL from GMMTV this year and it's fresh faces for the youths and old favs for the teachers. It's milk teeth Make it Right and fine with me! I like lotte milk. Also DIMPLES! Yay! I suspect they are using this one to test some fresh pairs for future seasons. Like a Project 101 Thai BL. (Honestly I just invented an amazing reality TV for you GMMTV, you're welcome.) Like My School President in 2023, this could be a major sleeper hit for me.

4/20 My Stubborn (Thai Sun iQIYI) 10 eps - trailer Mflow's next high heat office romance involving best friend's younger brother, boss meets intern, bit of a love triangle, GL crumbs, and few other tropes.

4/25 My Sweetheart Jom (Thai Fri YouTube) 12 eps - trailer Saint is back in a BL, but this is what he chose? When he gets int rouble, Yothin needs to find a safe place. Instead of sending him overseas, his father sends him to the countryside. There, he is under the watchful eye of the village headman Jomkhwan.

4/26 The BangkokBoy AKA Bangkok Boys AKA The Bangkok Boy (Thai Sat ????) ?? eps trailer - Action, crime and revenge meets gangs, mafia, and more. Oh my.

2025 Line Up

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 1

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 2

20 BLs Announced for 2025 That I'm Really Excited About

GMMTV 2025 Line Up - My Totally Biased and Wildly Flawed Feels

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Not a great week actually, no pulls.

(last week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs