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mrs-stans · 2 months ago

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How Sebastian Stan Survived Communism and Became Hollywood’s Most Daring Shape-Shifter

So you need somebody who can play the Winter Soldier, Trump, and Tommy Lee? We’ve got the guy.

Sebastian Stan, who can currently be seen in Marvel’s Thunderbolts*, photographed in February in Palmdale, California. Jacket by Prada; vintage T-shirt from Stock Vintage.PHOTOGRAPH BY NORMAN JEAN ROY, STYLED BY EDWARD BOWLEG III.

The sun is going down fast, and Sebastian Stan is trying to get inside a locked Romanian church. This windblown Monday in late February would have been his late father’s 70th birthday, and before the day is gone, he is determined to light a candle and say a prayer in the old man’s memory at a place that had meaning for them both. Stan was born and raised in Romania, where faith and superstition became rooted together for him. “Whenever I’m in a church, I have to go like this three times,” he says, making the sign of the cross with his right hand. “I have to do it. And I have to do it three times before I get on a plane.”

Just before we arrived at this Southern California church in pursuit of the sacred, Stan was indulging the profane. Is there another way to describe an encounter with a remote-controlled talking penis? The actor is based in New York, so when he visits LA, as he’s doing now to attend the Academy Awards, he has a full to-do list. Today, that includes a visit to the makeup studio Autonomous FX, which won an Emmy for transforming Stan and Lily James into Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson for the Hulu series Pam & Tommy. The whole day is a microcosm of what has established Stan as one of the more daring and endearing actors working today. He thinks deeply but has a wild side too.

We’ll get back to the robo-penis later.

Jacket by Dior Men; belt by Artemas Quibble; vintage T-shirt from Stock Vintage; vintage pants from Front General Store.PHOTOGRAPH BY NORMAN JEAN ROY, STYLED BY EDWARD BOWLEG III.

It’s getting late, and Stan has to hurry through rush-hour traffic to get right with God for his father’s birthday. The Biserica Ortodoxă Română Sfânta Treime (or Holy Trinity Romanian Orthodox Church) that he wants to visit to light the tribute to his father is meaningful to the Romanian immigrants who founded it, but it’s no soaring cathedral. It’s tiny, a single-story white stucco structure with a squat steeple that’s hidden behind much taller trees. Across the street is the headquarters of the Bilt-Well Roofing company, which is a comparatively much bigger operation.

Stan left Romania more than three decades ago, but it’s still a core part of him. So is the uncertainty of growing up in a place where the government dominated and demoralized its own citizens—which makes him especially attuned to authoritarianism in his adopted country of the United States. His old accent is gone, of course. Few who have seen him onscreen as the Winter Soldier in a decade and a half of Marvel movies—including the upcoming outcast team-up adventure Thunderbolts*—could find a trace of it. Stan’s character of Bucky Barnes is as all-American as his closest friend, Captain America. The character was a Brooklyn native, but Stan took on a neighboring Queens inflection for another famous (or infamous) performance, playing young Donald Trump in the scathing true-life drama The Apprentice. The role earned him both a best-actor Oscar nomination this year and the enduring rage of a vengeful, unchecked president.

Suit by Emporio Armani; shirt by Giorgio Armani; necklace and watch by Cartier. PHOTOGRAPH BY NORMAN JEAN ROY, STYLED BY EDWARD BOWLEG III.

New faces and new voices were exactly what drew Stan to acting in high school. He moved to the US in the 1990s, and—as an immigrant kid still struggling to adapt to the language and culture—it was a lot more fun to be Bum Number Two in a production of Little Shop of Horrors than it was to be himself. “I just remember how fun it was to try to change everything,” he says. Being onstage turned a shy kid into a scene-stealing extrovert—and he was good at it. His mother sent him to summer theater camp not far from their new home just outside New York City, and by the end of high school, he was being cast as the lead in Cyrano de Bergerac. He was a good-looking kid, but he still loved hiding his face beneath Cyrano’s oversized nose. “You’re dressing up, you’re putting on fake beards, you’re walking differently, you’re changing,” he tells me. “You take big swings. You take bigger swings than you do when you’re a young actor coming to LA to go on pilot season auditions and they try to cast you as yourself—and you’re only allowed to play yourself.”

“SEBASTIAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN REALLY FEARLESS,” SAYS CHRIS EVANS. “YOU CAN SEE THAT IN HIS CHOICES. HE TAKES BIG SWINGS.”

Stan prefers to push himself to the background. He is not an oversharer. He’ll talk about characters or stunts or the meaning he sees in a particular movie or TV show, but while fans know every detail about the lives of other performers they adore, Stan has built a following while keeping the specifics of his own life somewhat obscure. The pilgrimage to light a candle for his dad is something he would ordinarily have done by himself. But Stan agreed to share something of himself for this story, in defiance of the actorly part of his personality that wishes when you looked at him, you’d see someone else.

He pulls on the handle of Holy Trinity’s main doorway. It doesn’t budge. “Doesn’t look very open,” he says. He’s not ready to give up. He walks around the church’s property and finds an older man sweeping up outside the congregation’s neighboring all-purpose hall.

Stan opens his arms and addresses him with a traditional Romanian greeting of respect: “Sărut mâna…”

I kiss your hand.

Coat by Miu Miu; belt by Artemas Quibble; necklace and watch by Cartier; vintage pants by Carhartt from Front General Store.PHOTOGRAPH BY NORMAN JEAN ROY, STYLED BY EDWARD BOWLEG III.

A week later, Stan is wearing a Prada tuxedo. It’s the night of the Academy Awards at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party, and instead of trying to win over a skeptical church janitor, he’s trying to reassure his fellow actors and filmmakers that he is just fine, despite losing best actor to Adrien Brody earlier in the evening. (The VF Oscar Party is off-the-record, but Stan gave us permission to set the scene.) Most well-wishers now come to him with condolences, but he didn’t expect to win, and in some ways he may have avoided a bigger headache.

Trump has made political retribution a hallmark of his new term in the White House, and he was enraged by the sheer fact of The Apprentice’s existence. The movie, written by veteran journalist and Vanity Fair special correspondent Gabriel Sherman, depicts Trump in the 1970s as a needy wannabe mogul, eager to escape the shadow of his powerful father and being taught by Roy Cohn (Jeremy Strong) that underhanded tactics are a shortcut to success. When the movie was released last October, a month before the election, the once and future president unloaded on it via Truth Social, calling it “a cheap, defamatory, and politically disgusting hatchet job,” and adding: “So sad that HUMAN SCUM, like the people involved in this hopefully unsuccessful enterprise, are allowed to say and do whatever they want.”

It’s unlikely that Trump had actually seen the movie at that point, but Stan has little doubt that he’s watched it since. “I would put money down he’s seen it 100 fucking times, of course, because he’s a narcissist,” Stan told me the previous week. “And I bet you there’s certain things he likes about it.” Such as? “How he looked,” Stan replies with a smile.

Pants by Brunello Cucinelli; vintage T-shirt and boots from Stock Vintage. PHOTOGRAPH BY NORMAN JEAN ROY, STYLED BY EDWARD BOWLEG III.

He is too modest to say it directly, but he’s more handsome than Trump ever was, even with the prosthetic makeup that thickened the actor’s neck and dental devices called plumpers that pooched out his lips and jowls. Autonomous FX did those makeup effects too, allowing him to look more like the disco-era version of Trump. Capturing him physically, while also surfacing the scared and desperate young man beneath that exterior, is what earned Stan his Oscar nomination. “He loses his humanity. I guess that’s essentially what happens,” Stan said of the movie. “As an actor, all you’re trying to do is just look at these very human things and identify with them.”

That doesn’t mean he wants Trump to put him at the top of his enemies list. Before the Academy Awards, Stan said he was trying not to worry about potential retribution and didn’t think it would happen, unless…“I don’t know, maybe if I win the Oscar, which is like 0.0000 percent.”

“HE’S WILLING TO PLAY UNLIKABLE CHARACTERS,” SAYS JESSICA CHASTAIN. “HE’S NOT HAPPY TO JUST BE A CONVENTIONAL MOVIE STAR.”

So yes, he’s feeling fine at the party. He took with him other honors from the backslapping season, like when Jane Fonda name-dropped him while accepting a lifetime achievement award at the Screen Actors Guild Awards. “While you may hate the behavior of your character, you have to understand and empathize with the traumatized person you’re playing. Thinking of Sebastian Stan in The Apprentice,” she said.

Stan said her shout-out was “maybe better than winning an Oscar.” “I wasn’t at the SAG Awards,” he continued. “I wasn’t nominated. I didn’t go. But somebody told me to turn on the TV because Jane Fonda mentioned my name. I would never have thought in my life that she would know who I am.”

Jacket by Prada; vintage T-shirt and boots from Stock Vintage; pants by Prada; belt by Artemas Quibble; necklace and watch by Cartier. PHOTOGRAPH BY NORMAN JEAN ROY, STYLED BY EDWARD BOWLEG III.

Then there was the actual trophy he won, a Golden Globe for best actor in a musical or comedy, bestowed on him not for The Apprentice but for A Different Man, in which he plays a man with a disfiguring genetic condition who undergoes a radical medical procedure to look more “normal.” The back-to-back recognition caught the attention of Hollywood’s power brokers, including Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige, who has been working with him for nearly 15 years now. “To see him winning a Golden Globe for one movie and then being nominated for an Academy Award for another movie in the same year is pretty darn impressive,” Feige says.

The Golden Globe win stirred unexpected emotions in Stan. “You never really think that you’re going to be up there,” he’s told me. “I realized from that Golden Globe moment that when it happens, it’s massive. You can’t help but reflect on everything and everyone that contributed to you getting there.”

One of them is Annabelle Wallis, Stan’s partner of several years. The couple had kept their relationship private before the Globes, when she accompanied him and got an “I love you” callout from him on the stage. Wallis joined Stan at the Oscars as well, wearing a forget-me-not blue Grecian-style gown, and he introduces her happily to me at the Oscar party. (She has heard all about our adventure trying to get into the Romanian church.) Wallis is an actor herself, best known for The Tudors and Peaky Blinders, but their relationship is not something either of them discusses. “I feel like it’s really difficult nowadays to be able to have any privacy whatsoever,” he said. “It’s the one part of my life that I try to keep somewhat for myself, even though it sort of ends up being out there.”

Stan gets that protective streak from another person who helped him get where he is—his mother, Georgeta Orlovschi, who also accompanied him to the Oscars. She raised him for many years as a single mom after she split from his father when Stan was young. “They were both very strong individuals with very strong personalities,” he says. “Neither wanted to be justified by the other. I think they both had a rebellious spirit.”

Hat by Nick Fouquet; necklace by Cartier.PHOTOGRAPH BY NORMAN JEAN ROY, STYLED BY EDWARD BOWLEG III.

His father later disappeared completely, going into exile in the States. Constantin Stan was a cargo-ship worker who helped fellow countrymen evade government persecution that pervaded Romania in the decades after World War II. “He was a bit of a hero in my town,” Stan says. “My parents were part of the youth that were standing up to Communism. My father was helping people escape the country illegally, to the point where he was a wanted man. And he himself had to flee.”

Stan grew up not really knowing the man everyone else knew by the nickname “Tino,” apart from occasional telephone calls. But if his dad could vanish, it seemed plausible that his mother might too. Then one day she did.

Stan was about eight years old when his mother fled Romania to set up a new life for them abroad. Throughout his childhood, government mismanagement and corruption had led to food scarcity, fuel shortages, and electricity blackouts. The eventual revolution culminated in the downfall and execution of dictator Nicolae Ceaușescu in 1989. “I watched him get shot on television,” Stan says. “I remember that.”

The aftermath wasn’t necessarily better. “It was chaos,” Stan says, noting “how many orphaned kids were in Bucharest after the revolution because everybody didn’t have money. Nobody knew how to live. They’d been so suppressed.” He spent a year with his grandparents before joining his mother in Austria. “She came and got me when she finally had a job and established herself enough there in Vienna,” he says.

Sweater by Loro Piana; pants by Schott NYC; necklace and watch by Cartier; vintage tank top from Stock Vintage.PHOTOGRAPH BY NORMAN JEAN ROY, STYLED BY EDWARD BOWLEG III.

The anxiety he felt about losing her continued even after they were reunited. “She was working. She was playing piano at night when she could, and then she was teaching piano all day long. So at 9 or 10 years old, I was taking the trolley to school myself. I was taking the subway back myself,” Stan recalls. “Then I was coming home and I was alone, and I would have to make myself food and I’d do my homework and I’d wait for her to come home. That was a lot of alone time for a kid in a foreign country.”

He learned independence, but it scarred him too. “I remember waiting for her to get home and worrying: What if she doesn’t come home? I can see how that’s worked against me in certain ways and how it’s totally benefited me in other ways. You have a lot of time with your imagination when you’re a kid like that alone. So I feel I’m very good at using my imagination to believe certain things, which helps me in a way. But then there are times where I’m feeling a degree of uncertainty and lack of control over my life that can be paralyzing.”

“MY PARENTS WERE PART OF THE YOUTH STANDING UP TO COMMUNISM,” HE SAYS OF HIS ROMANIAN CHILDHOOD. “MY FATHER WAS HELPING PEOPLE ESCAPE THE COUNTRY ILLEGALLY—TO THE POINT HE HIMSELF HAD TO FLEE.”

Stan was around 12 when his mother began dating a man named Anthony Fruhauf, who was the headmaster of a small private high school in central New York. When they got married, Stan’s mother made plans to move with her son once again, this time to the United States. “He was really kind. My stepdad was a real influence in a good way,” Stan says. “In those early years in America, speaking English with him at home I think probably led to how I lost my accent.” He was all right seeing it go. He wanted to belong.

All this surfaced when Stan was onstage accepting his Golden Globe. “This is for my mom who left Romania in search of a better life, and for my stepfather, Tony, who took on a single mom and a grown-up kid,” he said, hoisting his award as his voice broke. Pointing heavenward, he added: “Thank you for being a real man.”

Coat by Bottega Veneta; belt by Artemas Quibble; necklace and watch by Cartier; vintage T-shirt from Stock Vintage; vintage pants from Front General Store. PHOTOGRAPH BY NORMAN JEAN ROY, STYLED BY EDWARD BOWLEG III.

Despite craving stability, Stan learned the value of taking chances, which has earned him a daredevil reputation among his actor friends. “Sebastian has always been really fearless,” says Chris Evans, who first appeared opposite Stan in 2011’s Captain America: The First Avenger and costarred with him repeatedly as the Marvel Cinematic Universe expanded. “You can see that in his choices. He takes big swings. When that Trump movie was kicking around, I remember thinking, I wonder who is going to take this job? It’s just got so many strings attached to it. And I was so unsurprised when I heard it was Sebastian.”

The devil on Stan’s shoulder urging him forward was Jessica Chastain, who became a close friend after they worked together on 2015’s The Martian and later the 2022 spy thriller The 355. “When we were on set for The 355, that’s when he first told me he had had the offer to play Donald Trump. A thing about Sebastian that people might not realize is he’s very, very thoughtful, almost to a point where he overthinks things. It could cause a little bit of stress. He was like, ‘Well, what do you think? What would you do?’ I said, ‘Do it.’ I was like, ‘What do you have to lose? Take a risk.’ As long as it doesn’t cause you physical danger, if something scares you—do it.”

Chastain saw Stan do that very thing in 2017’s I, Tonya, in which he played Tonya Harding’s then husband, who hatched the scheme to sabotage her rival, Nancy Kerrigan. “When so many people are trying to make you this conventional movie star, it’s a risk to do something that isn’t that,” Chastain says. “He’s willing to play unlikable characters. I find that executives have trouble with characters that may be complex and have dark sides to them. He really embraces that. He’s not happy to just be a conventional movie star.”

Coat by Loewe. PHOTOGRAPH BY NORMAN JEAN ROY, STYLED BY EDWARD BOWLEG III.

Marvel Studios was looking for a dark side when they were casting the role of Bucky Barnes in the first Captain America movie in 2010. Stan was a relative unknown, though he’d had a recurring role on Gossip Girl as a pathological liar of a rich kid. “You could see that he has so much inside him and so much behind his eyes. I’ll never forget that,” Feige says. “I said to Stephen Broussard, who was one of the producers on Captain America, ‘He’s going to be a good Bucky, but he’s going to be a great Winter Soldier.’ ”

Bucky evolves into that villainous alter ego in subsequent MCU stories, going from fearless soldier to shell-shocked prisoner of war and, eventually, mind-controlled assassin who struggles to break his programming and redeem himself. Getting the part was beyond game-changing for the actor. “I was actually struggling with work,” Stan says. “I had just gotten off the phone with my business manager, who told me I was saved by $65,000 that came in residuals from Hot Tub Time Machine.” He’d played the smarmy bully in that comedy a year before. Now it was his salvation.

Since then, the Winter Soldier has become one of the most beloved and relatable characters in the MCU, even though his story is far from the traditional everyman narrative. Bucky resonates because he’s damaged goods—the patron saint of fuckups struggling to do right. The arc culminates in his new lead role in Thunderbolts*, with Bucky leading a team of former troublemakers and outcasts. Feige says that, without Stan, the character’s strange journey wouldn’t have been the emotional gut punch it is.

After lunch, Stan goes to his appointment at Autonomous FX. The headquarters is tucked near an ice warehouse and a scrapyard in an industrial neighborhood of Van Nuys. Stan is trying on a pair of fake teeth that slip over his perfect pearly whites. The goal is to give him a more regular-guy look for Fjord, the movie he’s shooting in Norway with filmmaker Cristian Mungiu, a fellow native of Romania.

There’s a story behind these teeth—dating back to before Stan got braces as an adult. “When I got Invisalign, I was so obsessed with them,” he says. “The more you wear them, the faster they work. So I actually wore them at the fucking Captain America: The Winter Soldier premiere. I have them in and I’m smiling with them and people can tell. I was self-conscious because my teeth were always a little….” He splays his fingers into crooked angles.

The prosthetic teeth are modeled on Stan’s own before he fixed them. Stan has another blast from his past waiting for him too. After the fitting, Jason Collins, the founder and lead creative force behind Autonomous FX, takes Stan through the workshops, where sculptors are making limbs, bodies, and demonic babies. On the shelves, busts of other actors like Christian Bale and Annette Bening, used for previous projects, stare down with vacant eyes.

Collins and his company essentially provide the level-up version of the fake beards and noses that Stan first loved about acting in high school—except occasionally X-rated. As part of this nostalgia trip, Collins brings out a plastic tub with the remains of the robotic erection from Pam & Tommy. The latex has dried out and decayed away. This penis “character” was voiced by Jason Mantzoukas and had strong opinions about the Mötley Crüe drummer’s romance with the Baywatch star. It was a risky creative choice by the showrunners but added levity to the series and was inspired by Lee’s own autobiography, in which he banters philosophically with his sex organ.

The makeup team and the actor forged a bond along the way. “It really becomes a partnership,” Collins says. “We stare at him for weeks and months at a time. So we know the physical structure. We know what the span of his legs is and all that other stuff.”

“You get to know the actor very well,” says Stan. Their earliest meeting involved figuring out how to fit a prosthetic over his actual privates and snake cables for the controls down his backside. “When I first came here, they made a replica to work on. So they had to cast this,” Stan says, gesturing to his crotch. “I remember you’re like, ’All right buddy, well, I guess it’s good to meet you.’”

Jacket by Bottega Veneta; vintage T-shirt and boots from Stock Vintage; belt by Artemas Quibble; necklace and watch by Cartier. PHOTOGRAPH BY NORMAN JEAN ROY, STYLED BY EDWARD BOWLEG III.

After the makeup shop, Stan heads for the last stop of the day, the Orthodox church. After a persuasive conversation in Romanian, the custodian agrees to unlock the chapel for him. “Vezi ca pana,” Stan says. You’ll see it’s only for a moment.

As the doors swing open, the faces of saints stare down at us from rows of miniature shrines, not unlike the busts of the famous actors in the prosthetics lab. Both places represent things Stan believes in—the ability to transform into something new and a yearning to connect with something beyond yourself.

Stan doesn’t claim to be especially religious, but the Holy Trinity chapel takes him back to that fearful time living under Communist dictatorship, when he put his faith in higher powers and prayed for the best. “We would go to church a lot when I was little,” he says. “It’s still tied into certain things for me, because I felt such a degree of powerlessness over decisions being made early on.”

STAN IS NOT AN OVERSHARER. BUT HE AGREED TO SHARE SOMETHING OF HIMSELF HERE, IN DEFIANCE OF THE ACTORLY PART OF HIM THAT WISHES WHEN YOU LOOKED AT HIM, YOU’D SEE SOMEONE ELSE.

Stan and the man he wants to commemorate with a candle were estranged for years. He and his father finally reconnected when Stan was around 18 and began visiting Los Angeles for auditions. The New York kid would save money by staying with his father, who had settled in the San Fernando Valley (not far from the makeup shop, actually) and worked, once again, in shipping. The periodic visits brought them closer, and the relationship stayed tight until his dad died unexpectedly from COVID on a trip back to Romania in 2021.

Stan sometimes thinks his father’s story might make a good movie. In Romania, Tino was legendary for sneaking contraband Western goods like blue jeans and bananas into the country while smuggling dissidents out aboard the same vessels. “He worked hard and he loved America and he believed in being free,” Stan says. “I have always made the argument that immigrants to some extent are more patriotic than even the people that are born here because they don’t take things for granted. At least that’s what I saw in my father.”

The janitor guides us to the back of the church, where there’s a small side room with a votive stand arrayed with unlit candles.

“Can you give me one second? I’ll be right back,” Stan says.

He disappears into the shadowy alcove and strikes a light.

Later, driving away from the chapel, Stan tries to explain why he felt so compelled to go there. “I think it’s just the acknowledgment of how fragile we all are. Sometimes you go somewhere where it’s really not about you. It’s a moment to let go. Turn off for a while,” he says. “You don’t have to be anything in there. You don’t have to think any which way.”

Jacket by Balenciaga; belt by Artemas Quibble; vintage T-shirt from Stock Vintage; vintage pants by Carhartt from Front General Store. Throughout: hair products by Rōz; grooming products by Tom Ford Beauty.PHOTOGRAPH BY NORMAN JEAN ROY, STYLED BY EDWARD BOWLEG III.

He says something similar via text two weeks later, when he’s in Norway, starting work on his new role in Fjord—with his new teeth that resemble his old teeth.

“The feeling is always the same. Like it’s the first time,” Stan writes. “It’s always a mix of fear and hope. It’s losing yourself. It’s a free fall. Every time.”

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centaurianthropology · 1 month ago

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Therapy for Thee but Not for Me: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms in ‘Murderbot’ (Thoughts on Episodes 1-3)

Having now watched the third episode of ‘Murderbot’, I came away with two impressions: the first is that this is a better show as a binge. Maybe I’m too used to shows that are an hour long, but I feel like I’ve only just got sunk into an episode when it ends. But with a binge, I can just move onto the next, and the emotional through-line feels more well-drawn.

Spoilers below the cut.

The second thing is that I think this was really the final wrap episode for the introduction. We finally get an explanation for why PresAux is not only doing this survey, but aren’t willing to ditch it at the first sign of danger (honestly needed, if we’re going to flesh them and Preservation out further). And I really like the explanation provided! The notion that there is a bit more dissent in Preservation than we’ve seen in the books is welcome. Because of course there are some people there who are short-sighted, greedy, or simply ignorant enough to decide that the glamor and faux-prosperity of the Corporation Rim is more attractive than a planetary commune with constant resource struggles. Of course some people buy the propaganda and believe that the Corporation Rim is truly existing in a golden age that Preservation should be lucky to join. That happens in every society, no matter how well it’s doing. It is human nature to want what you don’t have, and to always want more.

And it’s a great motivation to explain why Mensah and her friends go to this planet, and then stay there even in the face of danger. It both establishes stakes and establishes this group as true believers in Preservation ideals. They are the most dedicated to the Preservation way of life, whether they were raised in that environment or are a recent convert.

We also get a little more time with a few underserved characters, particularly Ratthi and Bharadwaj, while elaborating on characters with more onscreen time like Mensah and Gurathin. I’d still like to spend more time with Pin-Lee and Arada, but I feel like that’s coming soon enough. I had thought the plot would really kick off in this episode, and in some ways it did (a whole lot of ‘All Systems Red’ was covered in this one episode, plot-wise), but it also felt like the last moment of early-static-state for these characters.

And a huge part of that early static state is really hammering home how every character does (and doesn’t) deal with mounting stress. This, like the books, is a show centering emotion. In the books, it was almost exclusively Murderbot’s emotions, but here we see Murderbot as a part of a tapestry of emotion, one person amongst an ensemble it has not yet accepted that it’s a part of. And as it has poor coping mechanisms, that just puts it in excellent company with this group of humans with fuck-awful coping mechanisms.

So before we get into the meat of the action and, I suspect, meet our mystery additional character next episode (who I now suspect might be a ‘Company rep’ or something), I wanted to talk about the coping mechanisms (bad and good) everyone is rocking, and the arcs I suspect they’re setting up.

MURDERBOT: ESCAPISM

Let’s start with everyone’s favorite SecUnit. Episode 3 really drove home how escapist and purposefully detached Murderbot is at this point in the story. It is actively resisting caring or connection, wanting to escape every interaction or responsibility to sink into the comfort of its shows.

Not surprisingly, and paralleling the book, this is setting up the arc of caring. Next episode will probably feature Mensah saving it from the other SecUnit, and the shocking (for it) realization that she is willing to risk herself to save it. This is the major turning point in their relationship, and in its understanding of people. At this moment in episode 3, we are really seeing the last active resistance to this: it doesn’t think of itself as a person. It doesn’t want to hear what Mensah has to say about her worries or her fears. I know some people have seen this scene as trauma-dumping, but I didn’t read that at all into that scene. Rather, I saw Mensah trying to make a connection. She has decided that Gurathin is wrong: this SecUnit is a person, and it has emotions and thoughts and feelings. And as she stares down the barrel of a very bad situation, she is trying to make it care. She is reaching out, explaining her fears because she wants it to see her and her friends as people. She wants it to understand why they can’t just back out, can’t turn tail at the first sign of danger. She is trying to forge a connection.

And Murderbot isn’t there yet. It’s avoidant, angrier in this episode than it was before, it’s on edge after both Ratthi and Gurathin seem convinced that it’s more than just an ordinary SecUnit. It knows it’s not faking being an ordinary SecUnit well, and it wants out.

And more than that, it is self-soothing the anger and the resentment and the fear that defines its existence at this point with its shows. I think it’s interesting that, instead of ‘Sanctuary Moon’, this episode introduces us to a much grimmer show, ‘Strife in the Galaxy’, which explicitly shows constructs like SecUnit being tortured (although it points out that this doesn’t seem particularly realistic) and stressing their own struggles and individuality. And it considers this an inferior show. Why? Because it cannot imagine doing that. At this point it can’t imagine being as defiant as the (ComfortUnits??) constructs in the show. It’ll enjoy the unrealistic aspects of ‘Sanctuary Moon’, but I get the feeling that the unrealism of ‘Strife’ strikes a little too close to home to be good quality escape.

But it keeps watching. Because if it keeps just burying itself in media, it never needs to care. It never needs to feel deeper, more complicated, more dangerous emotions about real people who could be in real danger. It can just … exist, comfortably numb, and bide its time. For what? Unclear, probably even to Murderbot. Carin will be thie thing that motivates it out of this static state, but that is terrifying, and it is resisting that with every single minute of entertainment it’s downloaded.

DR. MENSAH and PROF. BHARADWAJ: AVOIDANCE

These two feel like parallel characters right now. They’re both older women, both feel a weight of responsibility, and both feel like they’re doing the same thing: pretend everything is fine, act strong when everyone else can see you (and rely on you), offer help wherever you can, fall apart only when you’re safely alone.

They tackle it differently. Mensah is, to her team, the consummate professional. We see her fears and doubts only through SecUnit’s spyware or because she’s chosen to talk to it late at night when everyone else is asleep. And why did she choose that?

I’ve seen some people, as I mentioned, say that she was trauma dumping. But I read this as an attempt to reach out to the only other person, in her mind, who was sort of in her same position. Because they were both being relied on by everyone else. Because if they faltered, everything could fall apart. I read her talk with Murderbot as a way of expressing how much this mission actually means to all of them, why it matters, why it might even matter to their SecUnit, and I genuinely think she was hoping for it to share its own fears and struggles in return. She wasn’t dumping; she was opening up in an incredibly vulnerable way to a person that at least one of her friends thinks is a potential spree killer. But she looks at this person, and she sees someone in a similar position of responsibility, equally unable to share its frustrations and fears. Reaching out was a risk. She knows it’s spying on them. But she also believes that it is more that was it was built to be, so it was worth the risk to try to connect on a deeper level.

And it still can’t reach back. She’s left wanting. Like everyone elose in the episode, she fails at dealing with the stress well. She does the best of all of them, in my estimation, but she still fails, because at this point in the story they all need to fail. They all need a hole they can climb out of.

Bharadwaj certainly isn’t doing any better. She, like Mensah, is holding it together by her fingernails. But while Mensah has the leader persona she wraps around herself, Bharadwaj has jokes and energy and exuberance. She has an indomitable spirit, right up until there’s no one to perform for.

And then she breaks down crying, and who wouldn’t? She almost died. She, of everyone, was the closest to just suddenly losing everything, and how do you process that? How do you deal with the sudden and undeniable reality of your own mortality shoved so brutally in your face? Of course she’s not dealing well. And of course she, like Mensah—like everyone else who wants to be there for their friends and never let them know how much they themselves might need help in turn, like everyone else who is used to being the strong, steady, reliable, fun one—ends up hiding it. And Gurathin stumbles into it, but he can barely process his own trauma, let alone anyone else’s. He tries to reach out as best he can, and it’s not what she needs, and it fails them both. There is a surprising level of tragedy underling this episode that creeps out slowly on viewing it again. I really appreciate that, as on-the-nose as the writing can seem, this show is actually working at several different levels, and Bharadwaj trying and failing to deal with the sudden and immense trauma she’s experienced is one of them.

I think both Mensah and Bharadwaj are being set up for arcs of being able to accept help as well as give it. Mensah’s biggest struggle in the books is even admitting to those she loves that she’s not doing well mentally, and I think we’ll see echoes of that here. Bharadwaj ends up as more or less Murderbot’s therapist (while couching it in ‘making a documentary’), and while I’m not sure it’ll play out precisely in that format, I want to see them all connecting on that level. The human characters act as mirrors for Murderbot, and both Mensah and Bharadwaj are just as avoidant of their trauma as Murderbot is in its way, and just like it, they are going to fail to keep it all together. They are going to have to reach out, but that won’t be weakness. Acknowledging their needs, their fears, their broken parts to those they love will eventually help them mend those broken bits in ways they never could have managed alone.

DR. ARADA, PIN-LEE, AND DR. RATTHI: PHYSICAL COMFORT WHILE IGNORING THE EMOTIONS UNDERLYING EVERYTHING

It doesn’t surprise me that the ill-advised throuple is all about trying for physical comfort while ignoring the fact that this comfort is built on quicksand. One thing this episode really nails is that this arrangement was built on shaky ground, and they can all feel it but none of them are directly discussing it. I feel like this relationship is serving as a metaphor for all their myriad issues of dependence, distrust, poor communication, and an inability to simply discuss contradictory needs.

Pin-Lee has been hiding innocuous things like their video game habits from their wife (likely because they think Arada wouldn’t approve of them playing violent video games). Arada is trying to fill relationship troubles with a third person, hoping things work out better than the last time, all while clearly not addressing the root issues she and Pin-Lee are facing. And Ratthi, forever happy to be here, is ignoring the fact that his presence in this arrangement is both more complicated and less helpful than he might hope.

I also like that we can contrast this disaster trio with Mensah’s clearly stable, clearly long-term, clearly loving arrangement with her marital partners. Because they might not have wanted her to go, but they still love and support her. They still have seven children together, whose picture acts as the centerpiece to her room. If the show goes on for more seasons, we’ll certainly see more of Mensah’s family, but it’s nice to establish the norm of multiple marriages in Preservation society this early, and how healthy and stable they are, especially in light of the disaster throuple that is Arada, Ratthi, and Pin-Lee.

I love Ratthi’s self-doubts in this episode, because I think it highlights how much he’s trying to use his friendliness, his supportiveness, his Golden-Retriever-of-a-Man-ness to cover his self-doubt and even flavors of self-loathing. There is clearly a lot about himself he doesn’t quite like, that he struggles with. He is naturally sociable, naturally flirty. He loves a good time, loves to trust people, and (if he’s true to his book counterpart), loves to love all different sorts of people. But he struggles with commitment. He struggles to live up to the standards he’s setting for himself. So he’s too hungover to do weapons training. He’s too eager to get the survey equipment and almost runs into danger. He so earnestly wants to be there for everyone, so of course having sex with his friends seems like a great idea. After all, for him, sex and friendship go together great. I don’t really think he’s yet dug into the fact that Pin-Lee and Arada are sort of using him to paper over the cracks in their own foundation, and I’m interested to see how he reacts to realizing that’s the case.

His arc is a little difficult to see right now, but I imagine it’s going to be someting about finding himself. He’s a great guy; he’s eventually going to be SecUnit’s best friend. But who is he when he’s not being what everyone else needs? Who is Ratthi just on his own? I hope we (and maybe he) get to know that.

Pin-Lee has a little more definition to them after this episode, and I hope we keep getting more. They’ve been built up quietly in the background, doing a lot of necessary plot work because it fits their personality rather than their job. They’re the one analyzing the satellite data for patterns in the outages, and this tells the audience a lot about their need for everything to make sense and fit neatly. They are a lover of patterns and order. They are almost certainly the one who pushed for the throuple contract (because of course Pin-Lee needs a contract). They see offering up another throuple as a means to fix things that frankly need honest discussions, but a contract is easier than a discussion, and one discussion may lead to another.

It’s clear Pin-Lee loves their wife, but seems to fear their wife doesn’t love them nearly as much. So they hide parts of themself they think Arada might find objectionable. They blunt their edges. I think a lot of Pin-Lee’s arc is going to be shifting further into the Pin-Lee from the books as they gain confidence. But that requires them to work through their issues with their wife. It requires trust rather than contract, accepting that they won’t always see the patterns and have control, and being okay with that. I wasn’t sure about combining Pin-Lee and Overse at first, but the more I look at it, the more interesting of an arc has been set up for this character, going from an amalgamation with more Overse into more of a book-true Pin-Lee, specifically by embracing many things Pin-Lee struggles with.

Arada is the mystery to me right now. She’s very caring, very focused on being kind and fair. She’s the one who first has clearly decided that SecUnit is a person. She’s the one who insists that the worm that tried to eat her was simply an animal doing what animals do. She’s the one who makes certain people are validated, supported, given gifts of embroidery and windchimes. She’s the heart of the group in many ways.

But who is she beneath the care? I feel like we haven’t gotten to know her as well as the others quite yet, and I really want to learn more about her perspective. She brings a great, solid base of caring to the equation, but she can also clearly blind herself to her own more selfish impulses. There isn’t a deliberately selfish or cruel bone in her body, but there is a part of her that happily believes that if she wants something, her spouse wants it too. If Pin-Lee doesn’t openly object, then Pin-Lee is trilled to be a part of whatever Arada wants. It’s a very ordinary, human flaw, to overlook someone else’s discomfort in your own excitement.

I want to see that dug into, more explored. I want all the awkward, painful bits of Arada to come out the same as we’re getting for the others. Of everyone, I feel like her shitty coping mechanisms are perhaps the least defined, and I am eager to see them laid bare. I think her arc has yet to take shape, and I am eager to know where she’s going.

DR. GURATHIN: HYPERVIGILANCE AND HYPERCOMPETENCE

Oh boy, the king of shitty coping mechanisms came into fairly sharp focus in this episode, didn’t he? He only really got three scenes, being kept on base with Bharadwaj, but each of them hits hard for different reasons. His argument with Mensah about going to DeltFall drives home his hypervigilance, and how it turns him inward to the point of paranoia and bringing out his own worst impulses.

He is fiercely protective of this group of friends, these very few people who he cares about, and is willing to do some fairly shitty things to keep them safe. And even so, everything feels like it’s slipping out of his control (and he needs to be useful, and he needs to have control). His better nature can still be reached, particuarly by Mensah who is still able to talk him down. This episode makes it clear how much he puts Mensah on a pedestal as The Best Person (it’s funnily enough similar to what Murderbot does after ‘All Systems Red’ in the books). So he caves, and she and the team leave, and he’s left alone with Bharadwaj. Does he think it’s a good idea? No. Does it matter? Not really, but also on a personal level it matters very much, because it leaves him in a position to stew in his own insecurities and fears. And he’s got more than his fair share of both.

In the scene with Bharadwaj we see his second major coping mechanism: the need to be useful. He can’t talk to her about her experiences. He doesn’t understand them and is painfully fucking awkward at the best of times, and he knows it. But he offers up the trauma modules he has that clearly helped him at least a little. It’s what he’s got, and it’s what he’s comfortable offering a friend in need.

She turns him down. And this triggers his final scene in the show, and one that plays on multiple layers. The first layer is SecUnit’s layer, the one we’re presented when we listen to and believe its voiceover, and that is that he’s being creepy. He’s going into Mensah’s room without her permission; he looks at the photo of her kids and he smells her pillow. That’s creepy, right? Right?

But if you watch the scene on mute, without the color commentary, it feels a lot more like a poor attempt at self-soothing in the face of a breakdown. Gurathin’s backstory is not very clear at this point, but I think it’s safe to assume his relationship with his parents is a far cry from Mensah’s loving family. So there is comfort in seeing the photo of her children (and if he and Mensah have been friends for six years, he probably knows the kids at least a little). He’s clinging to this ideal of Mensah as what he wants to be, as much as he has a crush on her: to him she’s competent, caring, effortlessly balancing the needs of everyone. She’s a good mother, a good friend, a good leader.

And in the face of the fear of losing her, of losing all his friends to unknown and uncontrollable dangers, he falls apart. In this place where he maybe feels just a little safe, he completely collapses. It’s not pretty and it’s not great and it’s absolutely bordering on inappropriate. Yes, it sure does look like he smell her pillow (not great, even if she never finds out), but after that he mostly just shatters. He’s sobbing by the end of the scene, and the narration just doesn’t quite notice it, and because the audience can’t hear it, it’s easy to miss. There is an enormous disconnect between what SecUnit thinks is happening in that moment (tawdry, one-dimensional creeping) and what is actually happening (understandable, still inappropriate, badly maladaptive, but deeply human breakdown).

He, like Bharadwaj, is having his coping mechanisms fail him. He’s not useful. He’s hypervigilant to the point of paranoia, and it’s NOT HELPING. It could easily drive a wedge between him and his friends and he can’t help it because it’s what he knows how to do. He protects what little he cares about. There is an obvious ruthless, selfish streak to him that remains from the Corporation Rim and whatever was done to him there (and the more hints we get, the more sense we get that it was BAD).

Interestingly, I’m not sure where Gurathin’s arc is headed. He’s one of the best developed characters at this point, but it’s all not great. He’s got a lot of room to grow, but in what direction? I’m not sure, and I’m honestly excited that I’m not sure. It makes more of a mystery, trying to figure out what the writers are planning on doing with him aside from making him a narrative foil for Muderbot.

CONCLUSIONS

I really like that the show is being bold in its choices to show the uglier, more maladaptive sides of these people. I like that it’s trying, with only about twenty minutes an episode, to actually make them believable people having believable responsives to an incredibly difficult situation.

That’s what I ended up really taking away from this continuation of the series, after watching it back to back to back with the previous two: we now have an idea of most of these characters’ stress responses, how good or often bad they are. They are all so eager (except SecUnit) to help one another, but they are all trying desperately to hide how much they need help. They are kind and caring, but still painfully human.

With Mensah reaching out to SecUnit, with the first tentative attempt to make it care, I think we as the audience have also been positioned to see these people as their own raw selves, and to learn to embrace them, to care, just as much as Murderbot will begin to care about them.

I am still really liking this show. I still want to see where it’s going. If anything, I wish that each episode was just a few minutes longer, because a lot of moments are surprisingly subtle, undermining the narration, and acting as contrast to the way SecUnit currently perceives the world. Would it be better if those moments had a bit longer to breathe, or is their subtelty and the need to watch the show a few times to catch everything part of the charm?

#murderbot #murderbot tv #mensah #bharadwaj #arada #ratthi #pin-lee #gurathin #and all their terrible coping mechanisms

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cloverstellar · 24 days ago

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I think something a lot of the general audience for stranger things is forgetting to consider is WHY Will is so interwoven into Vecna’s plan in season five, and how him dying doesn’t make sense.

Will has now been essentially confirmed as a lead if not the new total main character of stranger things in the date announcement trailer. Why? If he was just a target for Vecna’s possession, wouldn’t the season be marketing him more like it did with Max in season four? While Max had a pivotal role in being possessed by Vecna, she wasn’t THE main character for four, and Vecna clearly needed her dead (and had no qualms about killing El at the end too).

Vecna DOESN’T want Will dead.

Will, while under the influence of the mind flayer in season two, said (in a gross summarization) “the mind flayer wants to kill everyone BUT me.” and now it’s been confirmed by Will at the end of season four in his talk with Mike that it was ALWAYS vecna targeting him, even from the beginning. that means vecna doesn’t want Will dead, and needs him alive. He needs Will for something beyond just being a spy, because a spy is useless once everyone is dead. Why keep Will alive after killing everyone else in season 2?

(putting everything else under a cut bc I ramble)

something about Will is incredibly important to the new seasons plot outside of just a potential possession. If Vecna wanted to possess him for spy purposes or for another gate death, why Will? It doesn’t make much sense outside of that lingering connection to him, because all the characters now know that Will could at any point be walking eyes for Henry, which renders being a spy useless. so why is Will so important to Vecna? It was confirmed by the duffers that we’ll finally see why Will was taken, confirming that it wasn’t just a simple accident like it was portrayed as in season one. And here’s the one reason I can think of:

Will has powers, and Vecna needs them. Maybe not powers in the traditional stranger things hand-raised-bloody-nosed sense, but maybe in a way that’s a bit more like Kali? Something creative. Most powered individuals in stranger things usually make things levitate and mess with objects/minds and can enter the void, but I think Will’s has something to do with his position in the party. Something more abstract, which we know is possible since Kali has powers totally different from El’s. His powers may even play into him being an artist.

We have already seen him using true sight, though I’d argue that it’s actually shadow walking or shadow step, an ability used by clerics in DnD to teleport in shadows (the upside down in this scenario). If he was just seeing flashes of the upside down, the mind flayer wouldn’t have been able to reach him. His soul was genuinely partly in the upside down. (It’s also why he was able to hide so well while down there- and why Jonathan said Will could hide anywhere to hopper in season one- clerics can naturally conceal themselves in shadows, so he could camouflage himself to the upside down better than most).

Will is, throughout the show, consistently being compared to his DnD classes (be that cleric or wizard depending on the characters POV or timeframe). I’d argue he’s paralleled to and called his DnD character more so than any other character, both in merch and onscreen. that’s important because his DnD character HAS POWERS (magic class user), and the duffers been spending all this time building up to the reveal of it in season five. you could say that’s purely coincidental, but if we call back to season two, Mike tells Max that Dustin is the bard, wills the cleric, lucas is the ranger, he’s the paladin, and that el is their MAGE.

mages are wizards. Wizards in DnD gain their powers through intense study and training (El spent her life in the lab dedicated to honing her powers with Papa) and clerics (Will) get their powers from a connection to some divine entity or dimension/creature (Aka the upside down) and whatever new powers Will gained he got from his overexposure to both the upside down and the mind flayer.

what’s interesting though is that even though Will is a cleric, Will calls HIMSELF a wizard, aka “Will the Wise” multiple times both in the show and in comics, and Mike is the one who’s still calling him the cleric.

This could mean that Will’s supernatural plot for season five COULD play into him being a multiclass, and having elements from both his cleric role with Mike and his own self-identifying role as a wizard play into his powers and association to Vecna.

Regardless, Will’s character (be it cleric or wizard) is associated with the light class. It’s why he can use fireballs and cast light spells (use the lights in the upside down). You know what Vecna is called in season four?

a dark wizard. Vecna is the character foil to Will’s (and El’s) light wizard. You know what wills character can cast? Fireballs! What hurts the upside down? Fire. Alongside that, Will clearly has a connection to the gates as well (hence interdimensional cleric powers), and I think it’ll have something to do with Vecna’s leaked line of Will being a builder with him. “We are going to do such beautiful things together, Will, such beautiful things…”

Vecna could need Will’s potential ability to bring the upside down fully into Hawkins, especially since he’s weakened. As we’ve seen in BTS photos, Hawkins hasn’t fully merged into the upside down yet. If the infection of Hawkins slowed to a near stop, Vecna will need Will’s ability to bleed the two worlds together (seen in season one when he nearly opened a gate in the wall of his home), and he’ll do that by trying to appeal himself to their shared experiences over being different, another nod to them being character foils.

(physical evidence of them being FOILs >> their identical drawings)

if henry’s appeal to their similarities doesn’t work, then that might be how a possession could come into play, and Vecna will try to turn Will into a puppet again if he refuses to become his secondhand.

And that’s what’s going to make Vecna fail. He’s going to underestimate Will’s support system. While they’re clearly two sides of the same coin and henry knows that, Will has love and support and family, whereas henry distanced himself from and killed everyone while under the influence of the flayers particles in his system.

That’s a big recurring theme in stranger things; that love conquers all. (Which could be how Will unlocks his powers in season five but that’s another story)

It’s how Max narrowly evaded her death time and time again- she both imagined her happiest moments with lucas and El and latched onto it. Will HAS that in Joyce, in Jonathan, in Dustin, in Lucas, in El, in Hopper, in Mike, but Vecna thinks he doesn’t, because WILL doesn’t think so either. At least not yet.

it’s glaringly obvious that despite being surrounded by people in seasons 2 and onward, Will feels terrifyingly alone. Nobody else has gone through what he has. He feels like he has no one in his corner, especially in season four when Mike pulled away. But part of his “coming of age” as the duffers called it for season five will most likely be his realization that he isn’t alone, that there’s people who unconditionally love and support him through it all, and I think that’ll tie into byler’s relationship blossoming too.

on a more legitimate analysis note, I’ve seen a lot of people comparing Will’s scream of “RUN!!!” to his scream of pain while possessed as the upside down was torched. But to me, I think it was more of a direct callback to when the mind flayer showed up and he yelled “GO AWAY!” Over and over before the possession took place.

But what’s new is the anger in Will’s scream. He could be getting possessed and telling his friends to save themselves, OR he’s fighting back against something while telling his friends to RUN. That’s will, retaliating against whatever he’s looking at above him. Fully surrendering himself to the danger rather than trying to make it disappear. He’s terrified, but also determined and so incredibly angry. (and his eyes are green, not brown like when he’s possessed) He’s not screaming for the monster to leave out of pure terror like his possession in season two, but actively fighting and intentionally putting himself in harms way.

It’s both a significant showing of his character growth and in my opinion a hint that he’s not being unwillingly possessed, but rather giving himself up as a target while someone escapes. A sacrifice. But logically, that only works if he’s important enough to be worthy of that much attention to Vecna. he has something valuable, or is at least significant enough of a threat to warrant that much distraction to save everyone else (him having powers). Honestly, I’m hoping his abilities tie into the creation of the upside down. It’s clear now that there’s a border on the edge of the pocket dimension, like a literal snapshot of Hawkins, and I think it’d be cool to tie in his position as an artist and cleric/wizard into the creation of the upside down alongside El and Henry’s contributions. Among other things, electrical/light centered powers and interdimensional travel powers seem more likely to happen but I think it would be dope to see how that plays out.

ANYWAYS I have more to say but I’m tired maybe I’ll post more later

#rose talks #will byers #stranger things theory #will byers has powers #will byers analysis #byler #stranger things 5 #stranger things analysis #vecna stranger things #henry creel #el hopper #stranger things #Will has powers

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trannycabal · 3 months ago

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Trans Men, the afterthought of the LGBT.

Think of the world "LGBT" in your mind. What flashes through? I see a quick rifling through four people like a slideshow... a chubby cis gay guy, a tall cis lesbian with killer eyeliner, a short cis girl with a kooky hairstyle, and a trans woman. What she looks like varies every time, but 90% of cases I think of a girl. Even as a trans man myself whose trans friends are like two-thirds trans men, the first thing I think of when I hear the word "trans" is usually a trans woman. When hear HRT? Estrogen. When hear SRS? Vaginoplasty.

And that's not a coincidence... because trans guys don't dominate any trans spaces unless it's specifically labelled an ftm-only space. I've seen trans women themselves point out that trans boy spaces are labelled as "ftm" while trans girl spaces are labelled "trans". No "fem" or "girl" or "woman" anywhere in the name - just "trans".

Think of trans rep on TV. Trans people are already incredibly underrepresented - but on the rare occasion we do get shown onscreen, it's always someone MTF. I could give a million examples - but there are already many people who've said the exact same thing and doing so at this point would be redundant.

Think of spaces that say "This is for females ONLY" (sometimes they say "women" but really mean "cis women"). Nobody ever thinks of the trans men who might find themselves in a position to need that resource (such as homeless shelters) who will invariably be denied because TERFs hate trans men too and despite whatever they claim, they do not actually see us as girls. The response to "female-only spaces" is "but what about trans women". Which is GOOD! It should keep being a response! It should keep raising questions! It should, however, not be the only question we're asking here!

Think of "women's health" issues. Even then, the conversation around inclusive language always revolves around "but some girls don't do that because they're trans" (which is a good thing on its own but it's not good as an exclusive variant) and not "but some people do that and aren't girls because they're trans". Even in conversations about uteruses and everything they revolve, it's always centred around "but not all women" instead of "not all are women".

Lastly, think of radical feminism. Think of so-called internet "misandrists". Think of how many times you've seen one, whether cis or trans, ever include the word "cis" in their classic "all men" posts. Never? Exactly. And when you call them out on it, their response is almost always some kind of variant of "well you know that's not what I meant". And it's true most times, they didn't mean it; they forgot it. Forgot about us. Like every single time, they forget we see these things and feel hurt. They forget we're there. To them, we might as well be a flower on the wall.

Anyway. Just wanted to type this out because it's been bouncing around my head for a while. Happy late trans visibility day. Not only this week but for the rest of your life I want you to listen to and amplify trans men's voices; they need it.

#transandrophobia #antitransmasculinity #transmisandry #wrote this while sleep deprived sorry if this is incoherent

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3liza · 19 days ago

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this is absolutely not true.

1. look up what facial expressions mean. i mean if youre that far behind then sure checking a basic chart is going to help. but you can also just get this information from any movie or television show in your own language because people onscreen will announce how they feel and then the actor will make a face about it. you will see millions of these images in a row by watching television and movies with living humans in them. it's only an interim step because acting and expressing actual feeling are two different modes of human expression, however they are closely related.

2. human facial expressions VARY by culture but are partially involuntary and physiological, and can be broadly generalized across the species the same way cat, dog, horse, or any other animal has a generalized set of expressions that denote their emotional and physiological state. pain grimacing is on the list of emergency medicine symptoms for both humans and animals for a reason (because at a certain pain level you cannot stop yourself from making that face)

you dont need to interpret the lines and shapes of a human face as a "face" or as a member of your own species in order to read it. all you have to do is familiarize yourself with the symbol set, just like learning any other language. "this person's eyebrows are now closer to their eyes than they were 30 seconds go. according to my research this can indicate displeasure, concentration, or confusion. now i can try to use context clues to figure out which option is most likely". that's literally it. it's a logic puzzle. its like learning that red means stop and green means go. collections of angled lines form meaningful symbols, so do colors and shapes. there are humans on earth who are incapable of learning symbol meanings entirely, but none of them are posting on tumblr because posting on tumblr requires that at some point you learned a set of meanings for a set of symbols, probably the alphabet, or if you're Blind but hearing then phonemes and maybe braille versions of your written language. and knowing 26 different faces (for example, if you use the English alphabet) and what they generally indicate is a pretty good start

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genericpuff · 17 days ago

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will there be any actual rape since it's a more true adaptation of the rape of persephone. i'd keep reading i just need to steel myself.

Though the plot at that point of the story isn't 100% cemented yet, there will be some heavier themes when we get there, though I'm not planning on showing any onscreen SA like there was in LO. Any episodes with heavier hitting themes like that will have clear content warnings at the beginning !

#ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything #lore rekindled ama

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hotvintagepoll · 1 year ago

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Do you have any opinions on modern (post-1970s) movies that you feel capture the essence (in a good way) of Old Movies?

No, unfortunately. That doesn't mean I don't like modern movies or that modern movies aren't good, but modern movies—and here I'm really using modern to mean post-2010, so contemporary movies—have different standards for pacing, characterization, budget, and production that make it harder (or impossible) to capture some of the magic of old movies. Even when modern movies clearly try to emulate that old-movie feeling—I'm thinking of La La Land, The Artist, The Shape of Water, In the Heights—they play the homage too broadly, or they ignore crucial components that make the original films work.

There's kind of too much to go into here without writing a full essay, but essentially, the Old Hollywood system—ugly, failed beast as she was—made some movies simply more accessible to make, due to the ongoing storage of props, sets, master craftsmen, crew, and onscreen talent that could move from one movie to the next without pause. If you needed a dancer, he was already on staff. If you needed a fancy bed, it was already in the warehouse. That kind of longterm storage is invaluable if you want to crank out movies quickly and cheaply because it saves so much time on individual negotiation and sourcing. Modern production companies have to work out individual contracts for every actor on every film; crew members have to negotiate rental contracts and source pieces from scratch; if you need someone with specialist skills, you have to contract them specially at a high rate, which a lot of small companies can't (or won't) budget to do. There's sand in the wheels where there needn't be any. It's wasteful, and costly, but that's the system modern movies are made with.

Which all means that even if the modern movie system wanted to make a classic movie musical just like the old ones, they couldn't, because the talent isn't already there—it hasn't been trained up enough, and there's not that breadth of knowledge you can only get from people who have been allowed to work in the same department in the same place for decades. Movies like La La Land fail, for me, because they present themselves as descendants of Fred Astaire or Busby Berkley movies, while missing the bit where Fred Astaire was a master of his craft. When you watch Fred Astaire dance—or Moira Shearer, or the Nicholas Brothers, or Ann Miller—you are watching a true artist at work, purposely showcased by the studios because they already have them on contract. Modern movies, on the other hand, tend to take people who already have star talent (as actors) and try to convert them into dancers/singers—or they pull dancers/singers off of Broadway, but then they don't have the star power built in. You end up with lackluster musicals where no one truly knows what they're doing, or they do but they're not built up enough by the studios to sell. And that's me discussing just on-screen talent for musicals—there is a huge loss behind the scenes, as well, for all kinds of movies, where roles that would have been filled by union crew who moved continuously from one job to the next have been swapped for freelance labor who live with immense turnover, financial insecurity, and knowledge loss. You could hand me the budget and I could try to make an old movie, but the industry itself has changed so much it's impossible to recapture that charm of steady, niche talent, the amazing possibilities of bonkers set design, and the ability to take a risk on a smaller movie because the other films being produced by the same studio can help balance the budget.

I've talked way, way too much about all of this! Sorry, I just have a lot of thoughts—and the one above is just one of them; the talent loss and storage issues are only facets of a much bigger problem that extends to how we watch movies today, how we market them, what we expect of them, and what's allowed in them. It's a crying shame because the talent is still there, but times change and so does the industry, for better or for worse. (And, just again to clarify, I don't think modern movies are bad—they're just missing a lot of the juice old movies got to play with, even if there's more talent available than ever before.)

#asks #hotvintagethoughts

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fiamat12 · 1 month ago

Note

It's so funny that we have all these newbies catching up and causing chaos, well that's not funny but eye rolley because things like the In Style stunt which took months to debunk are the same things people get stuck on. Luke's team decided to roll with it and give him a cover? Never! Once you understand "mixed message" and that Antonia had been playing the game of link herself to Luke for fame since 2023 you never look at it the same way again.

Yeppers! It's so clear A was getting loud by the NY premiere and it was game over and into NDA land. One of my fave days in Lukola shipper history (my partner & I were freaking out!) was when the candid photos/ vids came out from the NY premiere. Oh, did those tell the true story!

I've always said Lukola didn't need a cover on the WT when Polin *was* the cover. They use it to this day, i.e. at the SAG awards - even though every other interviewer knew what was up. "So glad you got a babysitter tonight😂... I need a happy ending 👀", etc. They were fooling no one lol.

Btw, newbies, not meaning to rag on you at all. I'm always available on Discord to chat privately and clear up any confusion. I know the ultra cool & kind @lukolabrainrot has made herself available for questions for the Wizard, too!

"Oh they're so happy!" We *know* N - onscreen and off!!! ⬇️

#adjacents out #lukola in #all in time time will reveal

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sunshine-lux · 10 days ago

Text

clueless (iii.)

summary: Movie night, late night talks and a girl’s day. The perfect combo to make Y/N spiral. Y/N Stark’s not your typical nepo baby so it seems!

pairings: Stark!reader x MCU!peter parker

word count: 3.4k! longest chapter yet!

warnings: mostly some angst. Y/N is overthinking and denying her feelings. not a lot of peter in this one (oops) i just needed to world build a little more. and f!reader.

As the week continued on, the tension melted away. Peter and Y/N’s friendship had strengthened with their heart-to-heart conversation earlier in the week. Gwen had successfully integrated into Midtown with the help of the group. They did their best to catch her up and make her feel like they’ve been friends forever.

And it was easy. because truthfully, Gwen was a sweet girl. She never made fun of Ned for his nerdy interests. She never made Peter feel bad for being shy and quieter than the rest. She never got mad at MJ’s sarcastic remarks, she bounced back with her own witty comments. And she didn’t treat Y/N differently for who her father was. It had only been a week but Gwen managed to win everyone over.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Friday night, the crew had gathered at the famously known Avengers tower for their biweekly movie night.

Y/N padded into the living room, balancing two bags of chips and a half-finished bottle of lemonade. She’d planned to sit next to Peter — she always sat next to Peter. But Gwen was already there. her legs tucked underneath her, laughing at something he’d just said, their shoulders practically touching.

Without missing a beat, Y/N placed the snacks on the table and dropped to the floor instead, sprawling on her stomach like it had been the plan all along. She reached for a throw pillow and fluffed it dramatically.

MJ, already curled in the armchair, raised an eyebrow. “Wow. Look at you taking the floor like that. What a great host.”

“Y/N/N said it’s better for her back.” Peter said casually.

Y/N blinked. “I literally never said that.”

He grinned. “Doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

Gwen giggled — light, effortless. “You two are so weird.”

Peter turned to her, mock-offended. “Weird? You’re the one who eats cheetos with milk.”

“I’m never letting MJ pick the movie again,” Ned groaned, recoiling as something grotesque unfolded onscreen.

“It’s French. It’s art,” MJ replied flatly. “You’re uncultured.”

“You said it was a romantic thriller,” Peter muttered, digging into the bag of chips.

“It is. Cannibalism is a metaphor for love,” MJ deadpanned.

Y/N sprawled on the floor with a pillow under her chin. “I don’t know how I feel about this.”

“Then shut up and watch,” MJ said, eyes still fixed on the screen.

The comment seemed to earn a laugh from Ned.

Gwen leaned into Peter now and then, whispering questions, and every time Peter turned his head to answer, Y/N felt it — that hollow flicker in her chest. She kept her eyes on the screen.

Gwen laughed during a scene that absolutely wasn’t funny. “Okay, seriously. Are they like in love or something?”

Peter smiled. “Honestly, I gave up like twenty minutes ago. MJ is the only one actually following this”

“It’s vibes,” MJ repeated. “If you get it, you get it.”

“No one gets it,” Y/N muttered, chin in her hand.

As the movie played, Y/N kept her eyes trained on the screen but her attention kept drifting—to Peter’s laugh, to the way Gwen leaned in during the quiet parts, how her hand rested on the edge of the couch cushion right next to his.

They weren’t being loud. They weren’t even doing anything. And yet—

God, do they have to be so loud?

She caught herself.

They’re literally whispering. Jesus, pull it together.

Why do I care? I don’t care. I’m just tired. And this movie is stupid. That’s all.

Ned nudged MJ, voice low. “Yo, are Peter and Gwen… like… a thing now?”

MJ, who never missed a beat, tilted her head with a smirk. “They’re getting cozy.”

Y/N twisted her head to look at them. “You guys are so annoying,” she muttered, too fast.

There was a beat of silence. Then MJ gave a knowing little hum.

Peter and Gwen didn’t seem to hear. They were watching the screen, Gwen leaning in again, Peter mumbling something back. They weren’t even touching, but Y/N felt it anyway—that invisible thread, pulling tight.

It’s nothing, she told herself.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Gwen fell asleep on the couch, curled up with the blanket that used to be around Peter. MJ and Ned have gone to the kitchen to look for snacks. The TV hummed softly, casting shadows across the room.

Y/N sits in the soft glow of the TV, scrolling aimlessly through her phone, jaw tight.

Peter knelt down beside her, resting his arms on his knees.

“You still hate the movie?” he asked.

Y/N snorted. “I’m trying to forget it ever happened.”

“I think MJ picked it just to make us suffer.”

“She’s a little too powerful, honestly.”

They sat like that for a moment, quiet.

Peter spoke again, quieter now. “You okay?”

Y/N nodded, not looking up. “Yeah. Just tired.”

He leaned back on his hands. “We haven’t hung out like this in a while. I missed it.”

She smiled faintly. “Me too.”

Peter bumped her shoulder gently with his knee. “You know you can always talk to me, right?”

“I know.” She hesitated. “Same goes for you.”

They didn’t say anything more. But it felt like something had been said anyway.

Then Gwen called his name softly from the couch, half-asleep.

Peter stood slowly. “I should probably get her home.”

Y/N just nodded, eyes back on her phone.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Everyone parted ways soon after, yawning and groaning about the homework they hadn’t started.

Y/N flopped onto her bed as MJ closed the door behind them. “That was the worst movie you’ve ever made us sit through,” she said into her comforter.

MJ tossed her hoodie onto the beanbag chair. “Don’t be dramatic. It’s a cult classic.”

“Yeah, a cult of emotionally scarred film students.”

MJ’s eyes wandered over Y/N’s desk until they landed on her copy of Emma. “I’m surprised you’re actually reading it.”

Y/N sat up slightly, grabbing a hair tie from her nightstand. “It’s a satire.”

“Sure, of your life.” MJ snorted, not looking up. “And you definitely don’t think matchmaking is your toxic trait.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes. “What does that even mean?”

MJ smirked, finally turning around. “Just saying. Watching you third-wheel Peter and Gwen tonight was... fascinating.”

Y/N groaned and collapsed backward. “Oh my god. Not you too.”

“Relax,” MJ said, tossing the book gently onto the bed. “I’m just observing.”

A beat.

Then: “Ned told me Peter thinks Gwen is cute.”

Y/N didn’t respond at first. Just stared at the ceiling, jaw clenched.

MJ raised a brow. “You okay there, Emma Woodhouse?”

Y/N blinked, voice tight. “Yup. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Dunno,” MJ said, climbing onto the bed with her. “You tell me.”

“I don’t care,” Y/N mumbled, eyes still fixed on the ceiling. “It’s fine. He can like whoever he wants. Gwen’s nice. And pretty”

“She is.” MJ paused. “That’s why it’s gonna suck if you let this eat you alive instead of just being honest.”

Y/N scoffed. “There’s nothing to be honest about.”

“You sure?” MJ asked, softer this time.

Y/N pulled her hoodie over her head and buried her face in the fabric.

God, I hate that she’s right.I hate myself for caring.And I hate that it felt weird watching them laugh like that. Like someone replaced me in my own seat.

MJ didn't push again. She just sat beside her, quiet and steady.

“…Want to watch Clueless?” she offered after a while.

Y/N peeked out from her hoodie. “That’s not subtle.”

“I’m not trying to be.”

MJ leaned back against the headboard, hands folded behind her head. The room was quiet again, but not heavy.

“Y’know,” she said casually, “I still remember the night you came over after he asked Liz to homecoming.”

Y/N didn’t move, but MJ could hear the sharp exhale.

“You made me watch Legally Blonde twice. Back to back.”

“I needed Reese to remind me I’m that girl,” Y/N muttered, muffled by her hoodie.

“You also ate an entire pint of Cotton Candy ice cream and said—and I quote—‘Peter Parker is literally just a boy. A boy with nice eyes, cute hair and a stupid hero complex.’”

Y/N pulled the hoodie further over her head. “Okay, let’s not do a dramatic reading.”

MJ smiled to herself. “My point is… you weren’t over it. Not really.”

A pause. Then, a little voice from under the hoodie: “I thought I was.”

“I know.” MJ reached over and flicked her lightly on the arm. “But then Gwen showed up with her shiny blonde hair and girl next door charm, and suddenly you’re laying on the floor during movie night like it’s totally normal.”

Y/N sat up halfway, hoodie bunched around her elbows. “It is normal. I was just being polite. Letting her have the couch.”

“Letting her have Peter, you mean?”

Y/N stared at MJ.

“I didn’t say that,” she said quietly.

“You didn’t have to,” MJ replied.

The girls fall into a comfortable silence and eventually drift off to sleep. Maybe Y/N wasn’t ready to say her feelings out loud, let alone acknowledge them. But it was comforting that at least one person saw right through her and was patient enough to help navigate her feelings.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

The smell of roasted beans and baked goods hit Y/N before the bell above the café door even jingled. It was still early enough that the city hadn’t quite woken up yet—just runners, and dog walkers.

“I’m still mad you dragged me out of bed for this,” MJ muttered, as they walked towards the nearest table, taking a seat. “I had dreams to dream.”

“Dude, you literally woke me at 8 a.m. saying ‘rise, capitalist puppet.’”

MJ shrugged. “And you obeyed. So really, that’s on you.”

They were mid-banter when the bell jingled again. Gwen walked in, hair braided down her back, cheeks still pink from the chill outside.

“Hey!” she waved, beaming as she spotted them. “Sorry I’m late. My dad made me check that my taser still works before I could leave. He’s convinced something bad could happen if I don’t learn ‘basic survival skills.’”

Y/N smiled. “Gotta love a cop dad.”

“I mean, he met Peter last night and didn’t immediately arrest him, so I guess that’s progress?” Gwen said, sliding into the seat across from them.

Y/N blinked. “Wait—what?”

“Oh! Yeah, he walked me home after movie night.” Gwen reached for the menu like she hadn’t just tossed a match into the emotional gasoline tank. “It was really sweet. Totally unnecessary, but he insisted. Said he’d feel bad letting me walk alone late.”

MJ quirked an eyebrow. “Wow. what a gentleman.”

Gwen grinned. “Right? My dad opened the door and was like, ‘Who’s this?’ And Peter goes all polite and awkward, like, ‘Hi, sir, I’m Peter Parker. Just making sure your daughter got home safe.’”

Y/N tried to laugh. It came out thin. “Sounds like him.”

“It was kind of adorable.” Gwen played with her hair absentmindedly. “Honestly… I think I’ve got a little crush. But not like, in a serious way! He’s just— so sweet. And like, really funny? I didn’t expect that. Like, he doesn’t try to be funny, but he is.”

MJ said nothing, but her eyes flicked to Y/N over the rim of her cup.

“Do you think he’s seeing someone?” Gwen asked, tone casual but curious. “I mean, I know you guys are close…”

MJ finally spoke up. “Oh, Y/N knows Peter better than anyone.”

Y/N shot her a look. “We’re just friends.”

“Sureee,” MJ said, drawing out the word.

Gwen smiled, oblivious. “He’s just been… really easy to talk to lately. I don’t know. I haven’t felt this comfortable around someone new in a while.”

Y/N nodded. “That’s good.” She picked up her phone to avoid saying anything else.

“Oh!” Gwen perked up. “Gosh I almost forgot—we still need to find dresses for the gala, right?”

“Oh my god, yeah,” Y/N said, looking up. “I’m so glad your family got invited too. I would’ve died of boredom without you there.”

“Me too!” Gwen beamed. “Mr. Osborn said it’d be a good way to introduce my dad to some of the city’s higher-ups, now that he’s Captain. Honestly, I’m just excited to go.”

MJ groaned dramatically. “Ugh. Shopping.”

“You love shopping,” Y/N deadpanned.

“I love judging your shopping choices. It’s not the same.”

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

The little boutique MJ picked was tucked between a vintage bookstore and a boba spot, with racks full of silk and sequins and price tags that would anyone internally flinch. But it was perfect for what they needed.

“I hate everything,” MJ announced immediately, walking towards a velvet chair in front of the changing rooms. “This one looks like a disco ball threw up. This one looks like it wants to be in Bridgerton. And this one”—she held up a deep green dress—“is literally just two napkins stapled together.”

Y/N snorted. “And yet you’ll still try on the napkins. For the drama.”

MJ huffed. “Don’t expose me like that.”

Y/N sighed, brushing her fingers over the edges of a silk gown. “Ughhh. I don’t think I’m gonna find it here,” she muttered, stepping back and crossing her arms. “Everything’s either too much or not enough.”

“You’re being dramatic,” MJ said without looking up, flipping through a fashion magazine like she didn’t care. But Y/N knew better. “There’s a gown for you in here. The dress chooses the witch.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “What is this? Ollivanders?.”

“I’m just saying. You need something that doesn’t just say Stark—it needs to say Y/N.”

Before Y/N could respond, Gwen pushed open the curtain to one of the dressing rooms, looking half-flustered in a teal dress. “This is a no, right?” she asked, pulling at the fabric around her shoulders. “I feel like a bridesmaid in a wedding I don’t want to be at.”

“You look cute,” MJ said with a nod. “But yeah. Not your gala moment.”

Gwen laughed and stepped out to examine herself in the mirror—and that’s when she paused, squinting past the counter to a far-off rack tucked into the corner. “Wait… what’s that one?”

Y/N followed her gaze. It was barely visible, half-hidden behind another stand of dresses and a storage cart. All she could make out was the glimmer of dark fabric—something deep, like twilight.

Gwen pointed. “Do you mind if we take a look at that one?”

The shop owner smiled. “Oh, that one’s a one-of-a-kind. We just got it in last week—it hasn’t even made the floor yet.” She stepped around the counter and carefully pulled it out from behind the rack, unveiling it.

The moment Y/N saw it, she went completely still.

It wasn’t loud or glittery like some of the others. It was quiet—intentional. The fabric was dark blue, so deep it almost looked black, with subtle silver threading that shimmered like lightning in the distance. It had a low back and the kind of draping that moved like storm clouds rolling in.

“Oh,” Y/N whispered.

MJ stood. “Okay. Yeah. That’s the one.”

“I haven’t even tried it on yet,” Y/N said, barely above a breath.

“I don’t care. Go. Try. It. On. Now.” MJ was already pushing her toward the dressing rooms. “If you don’t, I will.”

Y/N snorted, but took the hanger with a slow reverence, her fingers brushing the silver threads like she could feel the current humming under her skin.

The curtains rustled—first Y/N, then Gwen. They stepped out at almost the same time, the small boutique suddenly feeling like a stage.

Y/N’s gown clung to her like a storm held together by silk—deep midnight blue, threaded with silver lightning, the bodice sculpted and sharp, dipping into a sweetheart neckline that glinted under the soft lights. It was dramatic, bold, impossible to ignore.

And then there was Gwen—blush pink and soft around the edges, looking like she’d stepped out of a vintage daydream. Her dress didn’t sparkle, it glowed—sweet and unassuming in the way flowers bloom without needing to be watched.

For a moment, Y/N faltered. She caught their reflection in the mirror behind MJ—Gwen, glowing like the sunrise; Y/N, cloaked in thunder. And even though she knew this dress was the one—MJ had basically screamed it when she stepped out—a small, traitorous voice in her head whispered that maybe soft was better than striking. Maybe Peter liked soft…

“Okay, yeah,” MJ said, arms crossed, trying to hide the fact she was clearly moved. “Finally, Y/N. That is your dress. I’m always right.”

She turned to Gwen and gave her a half-smile, eyes lingering for a second too long.

“And you—damn. That color really works on you. This is the one.”

Gwen grinned and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Thanks, MJ.”

The girls slipped back into the dressing rooms, changing out of their gowns and back into their regular clothes. The excitement lingered in the air, that giddy kind that came after finding something perfect. They paid for their dresses—each carefully folded and bagged—and exchanged a few more laughs before heading out and going their separate ways soon after.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

The rest of the afternoon passed quietly. Y/N curled up on her bed, catching up on the Love Island episode she hadn’t finished Monday night. The room was still, the only sound coming from the flickering TV and the occasional dramatic confession from a contestant.

Just as the episode ended, there was a soft knock on her door.

“Dinner’s ready,” Pepper called gently from the hallway.

The view from the dining room was soaked in golden light, the kind of glow only New York could pull off at dusk. Y/N twirled pasta on her fork. Across from her, Tony scrolled through his tablet mid-bite while Pepper enjoyed her glass of white wine, head tilted in interest every time Y/N spoke.

“So,” Tony said without looking up, “anything new in Teen Soap Opera Land? Midtown still full of drama?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “It’s literally high school, Dad.”

“I know,” he said, finally glancing up with a smirk. “Which is why I ask. I need material to keep Rhodey updated.”

Pepper laughed. “You’re terrible.”

Tony shrugged. “Hey, I like to be informed. Speaking of which—” He looked at Y/N, pointedly now. “You skipped training this week,” Tony brought up. “Twice.”

Y/N didn’t look up. “Yeah, I’m aware. Thanks for the reminder.”

“You’re not the only one,” he added. “Parker bailed too.”

Y/N’s fork paused mid-air. “I figured as much.”

“Yup. But he at least texted. Said he was busy tutoring Gwen or something.”

Y/N’s fork clinked a little too hard against the plate.

Pepper raised a brow. “Gwen—that’s your new friend, right?”

Y/N nodded once. “Yeah. She’s been hanging around a lot. Everyone’s obsessed with her. Peter’s been tutoring her.”

“Tutoring,” Tony repeated, drawing out the word. “Uh-huh.”

Y/N gave him a look. “What?”

He raised both hands innocently. “Nothing. Just... someone sounds a little jealous.”

“Jealous?” she scoffed, way too quickly. “Of Gwen? No. She’s—nice. She’s sweet. Great hair. Very... friendly.”

“Mm-hm,” Tony said with a smirk. “So friendly she’s apparently worth missing a training session.”

Y/N slumped back in her chair. “Maybe I needed a break. You know, from flinging lightning bolts at drones in a bunker.”

Pepper hid her smile behind her wine glass.

“You know I’m only hard on you because you’re good at this,” Tony said. “You’re not just some nepo baby. You’ve got real power. You need to be ready for whatever comes.”

Y/N didn’t answer right away. She stared out the window, the lights of the city blinking like stars. Her fingers tapped against the table, a faint static crackling along her fingertips.

“I know,” she said softly. “I just—I don’t know. Lately it feels like everyone’s doing their own thing...”

“You’re not being left behind,” Pepper said gently.

Tony leaned in, more serious now. “You’re not a background character, honey. You never were.”

She changed the subject. “Anyway, I got my dress for the gala.”

That got Tony's attention. “Oh yeah? Am I gonna have to fight off a crowd of hormonal teenage boys?”

Pepper gave him a look. “Tony.”

“I'm kidding. Mostly.”

Y/N smirked, grateful for the distraction. But part of her still lingered in the boutique—watching Gwen in soft pink, and wondering what it said about her that even in storm-colored silk, she didn’t feel like enough.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

taglist: @f2lix

author's note: ok first of all, sorry for the lack of peter. i needed to set the scene for the next chapter.

also i apologize if yall weren't expecting the powers. tbh, i have bigger plans for this, like i said in my previous post, i'm connecting this to a joaquin fic i have in my drafts hehehe. so yes, y/n has electrokinesis! and i'll def be throwing in a lot more lightning motifs here and there. deal with it! it's fun, it's camp!

and yes, they were watching a real movie. it's this 80's french horror film called The Living Dead Girl. just felt like something MJ would like lol.

#sunshinelux #mcu peter parker fic #mcu peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #peter parker fic #mcu peter parker #spiderman x reader #marvel spiderman #spiderman #spider man #mcu peter x reader #mcu!peter parker x stark!reader #stark!reader #mcu imagine #iron man #iron dad #peter parker x y/n #spiderman x y/n

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onlyangel4 · 1 month ago

Text

kayfabe. cm punk. part ten.

dark!cm punk x superstar!reader

synopsis: you and punk are placed into a long-term onscreen pairing. a storyline romance meant to boost ratings. the chemistry is undeniable, but offscreen, punk is distant. until he’s not. he begins texting late at night. watching. testing boundaries. you realise he’s not method acting. the possessiveness, the tension, the jealousy, it’s all real. and if the storyline ends, he won’t take it well.

part one // part two // part three // part four // part five // part six // part seven // part eight // part nine // part ten // part eleven

you hadn’t laughed like this in weeks.

it wasn’t even that funny, bron trying to tell a story with a mouthful of protein bar, seth heckling from across catering, becky stealing your water just because she could. but something about being here, at this table, surrounded by people who had known you before. it felt like catching your breath after being underwater too long.

you leaned back in your chair, arms crossed loosely over your chest, smiling as bron wiped crumbs off his shirt with mock offense.

"i’m telling you,” he said, pointing at you, "your man better bring you food post-show because i’m not babysitting your blood sugar again."

you rolled your eyes. "he’s not my..."

your voice faltered.

the words caught before you could finish the sentence. not because they weren’t true. but because you could feel it.

that weight again.

you looked up and there he was.

across catering. not close. but watching.

punk didn’t move. didn’t speak. he was just there. hands in his pockets. expression unreadable.

becky followed your gaze and muttered, "here we go."

Seth leaned in. "we can kick his ass if you want. not well, but it’s the thought that counts."

you forced a smile. "it’s fine."

it wasn’t.

punk didn’t approach. he didn’t need to. the moment had already shifted. you could feel your pulse in your wrists again, the tension crawling up your spine.

bron nudged your shoulder lightly. "you alright?"

you nodded too quickly.

he didn’t believe it.

none of them did.

nut you straightened your back, kept your head high, and smiled like you still belonged to yourself.

for now, you did.

even if you knew, he’d find a way to pull you back.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

your locker wasn’t locked.

it never was, there wasn’t much inside worth stealing. a few shirts, knee tape, earbuds tangled in a mess of cords. you weren’t expecting anything else. not this time.

but there it was.

nestled neatly where your boots had been: a small black bag, no tag, no note.

you frowned. looked around the near-empty locker room. no sign of him. no one at all, really. you tugged it open slowly, half-expecting a prank.

but it wasn’t a prank.

inside was your favourite coffee, imported, expensive, hard to find unless someone remembered you’d mentioned it in passing… six weeks ago.

and underneath that?

a new knee sleeve. sleek, upgraded. your exact size.

there was no card. no signature. just a folded square of paper, tucked beneath the box like a secret.

i see you. always.

later that night, curled in a hotel bed you suddenly couldn’t sleep in, you checked your phone.

one message.

from him.

"you looked good smiling today. i missed it."

you stared at the screen for too long. not because you were unsure how to feel. but because you knew exactly how this worked.

this wasn’t a man trying to make amends.

it was a hook.

and you were already in his hands.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

there was a knock on your hotel door just after 11 p.m.

not loud. not rushed. just steady.

you hesitated. phone already in hand, thumb hovering over bron’s number. but you knew. you knew even before you checked the peephole.

it was him.

you opened the door anyway.

punk stood there with two takeout bags and a bottle of water he knew you liked. no jacket. just a soft, worn hoodie and the kind of quiet calm that didn’t match the look in his eyes.

"i didn’t want you going to sleep hungry", he said simply.

you should’ve shut the door.

instead, you stepped back. just enough to let him in.

he didn’t press close. didn’t crowd you. he walked in like he belonged, like he’d done it a thousand times which, lately, he nearly had. he placed the bags on the desk, cracked the lids, and sat on the edge of the bed like it was the most natural thing in the world.

you hovered near the door a second too long.

"you’re limping again", he said. "you ice it?"

you shook your head.

he didn’t speak, just patted the bed beside him.

you sat. distant. but he didn’t mind.

he opened the container, pad thai, your favourite. then took the fork, twirled a bite, and offered it to you like you were someone soft. fragile.

you shouldn’t have taken it.

you did anyway.

"you don’t have to do this", you murmured. "i’m fine."

"no, you’re not", he said, so gently it almost sounded like love. "you haven’t been fine since you started pulling away."

"i just need space."

"i know,” he said. "i’m giving you space."

you looked at him then. really looked.

because this? this wasn’t space. this was suffocation in silk.

he reached up, brushed a piece of hair behind your ear like it was the most innocent thing in the world.

his fingers lingered.

"you don’t have to pretend", he said, voice low now, closer. "you miss me too."

you swallowed hard. "you need to go."

he didn’t move.

you stood up slowly, backing away from the bed. he watched you, not hurt. not angry. just still.

"i’ll go", he said finally. "but you’re wrong."

You blinked. "about what?"

he rose to his feet, stepped close enough for your breath to catch, and whispered:

"you don’t want space. you want me to take it away."

and then, just like that, he left.

and you hated that the air felt colder without him.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

becky didn’t ask. she just walked into the locker room, shut the door behind her, and sat beside you on the bench.

you didn’t look up. you were too busy staring at your phone, rereading the message punk had sent fifteen minutes ago.

you sleep better when i'm there. don’t lie.

your stomach turned.

becky exhaled slowly, elbow brushing yours. "i’ve been where you are."

you blinked. "what?"

"with someone who knew how to twist things until up felt like down.", her voice didn’t waver. "he wasn’t angry. he wasn’t cruel. not at first. just present. too present. all the time. in my space. in my head."

you finally looked at her. her eyes were kind, but her jaw was tight.

"he loves me", you said quietly, but even you didn’t sound convinced.

"no", she said, soft but firm. "he’s obsessed with you. there’s a difference."

the words hit harder than you wanted them to.

"do you see it?" she asked. "the way he tracks your movements? how you flinch when your phone buzzes? how you stopped laughing at catering the second you saw him across the room?"

you did see it. you’d just pushed it down. covered it in the warmth of his voice, the way he touched your hair, the gifts, the late-night quiet that felt like peace but was really control.

"i thought i was helping him", you said, eyes burning.

"you don’t fix a drowning man by letting him pull you under."

you closed your eyes.

and then nodded. once.

becky leaned in. "you need to go."

"i can’t"

"you can", she said. "and you won’t go alone."

the door opened again.

bron stepped in. a duffel slung over his shoulder. he didn’t speak right away, just looked at you with something like worry and something fiercer beneath it. not anger. loyalty.

"your flight’s booked", he said. "tonight. you and me."

"punk..."

"won’t know", becky cut in. "not until you’re already gone."

you sat still for a long moment.

and then you stood.

you didn’t pack much. just enough.

you left the knee sleeve he gave you behind.

and as you walked toward the lot with bron beside you, your heart thudded loud and wild, not from fear, but from the rush of finally choosing yourself.

he’d notice soon. he’d be angry.

but for now, you were free.

and this time, you weren’t running.

you were reclaiming.

#wwe #wwe fic #wwe fandom #wwe fanfiction #wwe raw #wwe smackdown #wwe x reader #cm punk #cm punk x reader #cm punk fanfiction #cm punk x fem reader #cm punk x y/n #dark cm punk #dark cm punk x reader #dark wwe

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sepublic · 9 months ago

Text

Another thing I’ve noticed about Wittebane fans is that they would really rather speculate on an unseen dynamic and how codependent it was, or on Belos having religious trauma or being a socially awkward child (despite this conflicting with him being a confident, silver-tongued politician) over like. Discussing Belos’ character as he actually is onscreen.

And onscreen Belos is about Christian colonialism, he IS the religious trauma. He’s the white saviorism, the racism, the genocide, the arrogant delusions of Puritans. These are actually onscreen, and darker and deeper than like, the Wittebanes being Cain and Abel or Saturn devouring his son because what are you actually discussing here that’s topical?

But fans don’t want to talk about that, they don’t want to talk about what makes Belos his own character and what makes his writing work. They want to make Belos and Caleb into a racist, less interesting version of the Nocedas, Clawthorne sisters, Collector, etc. And when Belos doesn’t measure up to these standards because he’s a square peg being put through a round hole, fans get angry at the writers. It’s alienating to those who want to discuss Belos, the actual Belos.

And I think it boils down to fans being discomforted by topics such as colonialism and genocide, and facing just how intertwined Belos is with depicting it on a large and personal scale; He isn’t even a metaphor at this rate, but a literal example of a Christian white man from a 1600s American colony. These subjects are not something fans can romanticize, so they focus on the dynamic with his brother, on being codependent or tortured or suffering from religious trauma, etc.

It’s very faux-deep, it’s pretentious in a Dark Academia way, Cannibalism as a metaphor for love. It reminds me of fans who claim to love Dark Fics and can handle dark topics, but then implode when you ask them to discuss critical race theory. They think they’re being subversive and even punk but it’s just white guys in the end. It thinks itself deeper just for being ‘darker’ but it’s not even that dark compared to other things, it’s just edgy. King and Steve’s conversation as a stand-in for Dana’s ruminations on God are genuinely deeper than every Cain-Abel Wittebane fic.

There’s a Vtuber who just did an Owl House marathon and while she didn’t pick up on a lot, the discussion on Belos by fans who are explaining it to her is so refreshing, because there’s no mention of Caleb! There’s no mention of Belos being repressed or feeling abandoned. It’s all about how he actually is onscreen and is presented and what he does onscreen. It’s about the delusions and evil of those who practice Puritan ideology. And the actions that have far more impact than killing his brother.

And it makes me think, this is another reason why we don’t see Caleb; Because the writers knew fans would use him as a distraction from the actual things they’re discussing and satirizing through Belos. They would use him as a distraction from the true motives, the banality of evil, as Belos does; And Belos himself doesn’t even do it that much, he’s upfront about how he thinks witches are inherently evil and need to be killed in the name of God so even he is avoiding factoring Caleb into the discussion! Alas, the writers underestimate just how far fandom will go when they get even a scent of a possible white guy.

Can we talk about the Wittebanes as they actually are instead of retreading other characters’ old ground? The tragedy of the Wittebanes isn’t about some lonely orphan just wanting to be accepted by his community, being unable to handle the thought of his brother leaving, and not knowing any better because that’s just how things were back then; It’s about seeing your kid brother embrace the alt-right pipeline because white supremacy makes him feel special, and no matter how many years you spend trying to change his mind, he eventually, finally turns on you too.

#the owl house

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kingofpopmj · 9 months ago

Text

Something About You Baby

Summary: You watched behind the scenes as filming for In The Closet began. Michael in work mode was one of your favorite things, but there was something different about this time.

Pairing: Michael Jackson x Reader!

Warning: AWKWARD TENSION, ARGUING AND CURSING

Requested: yes

*Y/N’s POV*

It was hot. Everything. The weather. The onscreen couple. The wardrobe. Everything. It felt like only yesterday Michael jumped out of bed and began scribbling notes in the notebook I’d put in his nightstand for moments like this. I laid on my side watching him hum and beatbox until he found the right melody. His process was incredible to witness. It was so damn sexy when he lost himself in the music.

“What do you think?” Michael smiled, standing still as I eyed him up and down— taking my sweet time of course.

“Very handsome.” I leaned in, my lips molding to the curve of his cheek. “Aren’t you going to be hot in those jeans?”

“Yeah, but I don’t have many other options.”

“You could wear a speedo.” I teased.

“I think that would negate the subtly I was going for.”

“Boo. You’re no fun.” I giggled, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and twirling my fingers through the strands of his ponytail.

“Plus, those don’t seem very comfortable or supportive for that matter.”

“Must you always overthink my jokes?”

“How about… I give you a private show later. I’ll pull out all my best moves and definitely no speedos.” I could feel his fingers slip under the hem of my shirt, tracing my hipbone.

“Oh, I wouldn’t miss that for the world.”

“Only the best for my lady.”

“We should get out there… the longer you look at me like that the closer we are to getting this trailer rockin’. I only have so much self control.” I pouted, dragging the pads of my fingers along the details of his shoulder muscles.

“I love the hell out of you. You know that?”

“I had an inkling.”

“Come on. They’re waiting for us.”

Michael held out his arm for me to take before guiding me with him to where everyone was waiting. After quick pleasantries, I looked on silently as they begun talking business. Michael spoke with the director about some last minute ideas. I took the moment to look around, it was a simple set and I was looking forward to seeing how they’d utilize everything.

“This is Y/N, my better half.” Michael’s voice brought me back into the conversation. When I turned my head I was face to face with his love interest for the day.

“Hello, it’s great to meet you.” I smiled, trying to hide how utterly intimidated I’d felt. The more I looked at her the more I felt myself shrink— she’s like a fucking goddess.

“Hi, I’m Naomi, it’s exciting to finally meet you. Michael talks about you constantly. I feel like I already know you.” She was tall with long hair and a costume which showed off her toned physique. She was absolutely beautiful.

Michael whispered in my ear about needing to take care of something and left me alone with the supermodel. We continued talking and laughing together. She was actually pretty easy to talk to. It wasn’t long until I didn’t feel so insecure anymore. I mean she’s still stunning, but she also seemed kind. She’s Michaels friend— good friend. He doesn’t have many of those, people he can trust, so that’s another plus in my book.

“Mike should’ve just had you in the video.” She nudged me with her elbow. “I think that would’ve really brought the shock value. No one would expect it, since he’s so protective of you.”

“Yeah, I don’t think he’d go for that at all. Plus, I couldn’t— I get a little camera shy.”

“Don’t be shy. Own it, I know I would. You’re with the most successful man in the world. He chose you, don’t be shy, don’t hide. Who gives a shit what they say. If you ask me, you’ve already won.”

“I’ve won? Won what?”

“Seriously?” She laughed, shaking her head and gesturing with her head in the direction of where Michael was. “Happiness.” She stated simply. “People would do anything for true happiness. You’ve got it. It brings out the envy in most.” I stared at her for a moment, my eyes searching hers for understanding. She didn’t smile this time. She looked at me with this expression that sent a shiver through my body. By the time I’d figured out what to say to her, we were interrupted before I could get the words out.

“Excuse me, Naomi, we need you.” She excused herself and walked off to the makeshift church, posing in front of it as they checked the lighting.

She’s really fitting for the role. There’s no way I could’ve done that— the outfit alone. She looked more comfortable in it— in front of all these people more than I ever could.

I was left with this uneasy feeling. Nonetheless, I watched on as they got in position. She smiled, batting her eyes when Michael emerged from his trailer. I recognized the excitement, the hitch in her breathing, but the real give away was the way her face fell when he made his way to me. She had no idea how to mask her emotions, which made it difficult to brush off.

“Y/N, baby.” His sweet voice sounded from beside as I felt his embrace.

“Hi.” I said simply, pulling my focus away from her and the anger I felt— it wasn’t important. It’s not worth it. Michael has had many admirers. This won’t be any different. Like she said, I shouldn’t hide. I should own it.

“We’re about to start. I need for you to stay right here, okay?”

“Here? Okay. I can do that.” I crossed my legs and sat back in my chair. “Oh, I love it when you give me orders.”

“Stop it.” He jumped towards me, covering my lips. “You really want me to break your back in the middle of a desert?”

“I mean if you’re offering.” I couldn’t help myself I loved the look on his face when I flirted with him, especially in public.

“You’ve gotta stop getting me started when there’s people around.” He muttered under his breath, adjusting his jeans discreetly. “Naughty.”

“Fine. I’ll be good.”

“I’ll be right over there.” He pointed over to where a dusty old car was parked. “I need to have you in my eye line, so I can sing to you. I need you there. It’ll help my nerves— seeing you will help me.”

“I won’t move.”

“Thank you.”

I did exactly as I was told. I didn’t move.

Every time they took breaks in between filming, Michael was right by my side acting a fool. He was so amped up, everything I said only added to his craziness.

“Put ‘em up!” Michael yelled from behind me.

“You scared the shit out of me!” When I turned around he had a bright green water gun pointing at me and a brown cowboy hat on.

“Hands in the air fine lady!”

“You don’t have to yell—” That’s when I felt cold liquid hit me in the forehead. “What is that? It’s burning my eye.”

“I’m Sheriff Jackson and you are under arrest. Put your hands in the air.”

“Sprite?” I asked as the substance dripped down onto my lips. “You goon, did you really fill that water gun with soda?”

“Stop resisting arrest, ma’am. Don’t make me handcuff you.”

“Where’d you get that from?” I laughed, poking the shiny badge clipped to his chest. “You’re silly. So, you’re the Sheriff?”

“Yes ma’am and I suggest you start cooperating.”

“Can I ask what I’m being charged with?” I teased, tilting my chin up with my hands in front of me— cooperating.

“Being sexy.”

“That’s not a crime. It seems to me like an abuse of power on your part.”

“Yes, I use this badge to get near beautiful women. You caught me.” He grabbed my wrist, pulling me out of the chair and into his chest. “If you give me some lovin’. I’ll let you go— charges dropped.”

“You’re so damn annoying.” I kissed him roughly, sinking my hands slipping through the strands of his hair. “You’re lucky you’re so scrumptious, Sheriff.”

“Having fun?”

“I would be if I wasn’t all sticky from being shot at with sprite.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll lick it off of you later.” He winked, dancing around me and pinching my butt. “I’ll have an hour for lunch, if you’re interested.”

“I’ll go pick up your favorite.”

“You’re my favorite.” He walked me over to the car and kissed me. “I can’t believe I’m helping a fugitive escape.” He murmured against my lips.

“Sheriff, the only thing I’m guilty of is having dirty thoughts about you.” I kissed his cheek, his jawline then his neck as I felt his heart begin to race. I pulled away, smiling up at him. “I should get going.”

“Tease.” He huffed, smacking my butt as I turned to get into the car. “Drive safe. I love you.”

“I love you.” He shut the door softly, leaning through the open window to kiss me one last time before I drove off.

When I pulled up to set, paper bags in hand everything felt the same. It wasn’t until my eyes landed on Michael that I realized I was wrong. He jumped slightly when I greeted him and was painfully quiet.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, thanks for getting food.” He sounded genuine in his tone, but the way he was pushing food around his plate with a fork told me there was more.

“Michael, you can—”

“Please!” He jumped up, dodging my hand as I tried to reach out to him. “Just drop it.”

There was so much I wanted to say. I had so many questions, but I stayed silent. When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror I immediately felt sick, I looked like a scared kid who’d just been grounded. I felt so damn confused.

“I gotta get back.” I watched as he left the trailer, his head hanging forward and his steps small but steady.

“Okay.” I said after the door shut. I felt helpless. I had no idea what the hell was going on. I thought about how clear he’d been about me taking my spot behind the camera, but right now it felt like he didn’t want me there.

Yet, my feet still carried me outside where the atmosphere had dramatically changed.

“3… 2… Action!”

I stared at my hands, resting in my lap, trying to think over the events of today. I had no idea what could be bothering Michael, but it was serious. I could feel it. When I finally built up the courage to look at him he spun around quickly avoiding my eyes. I don’t think I ever felt more devastated than in this moment.

“How was that?” I heard a voice speak near me. I looked up in time to see the crew walking towards the equipment. This meant they were taking a break— yet Michael was— I didn’t know where he was.

Great. He’s hiding from me now. What’s going on?

The crew had huddled around one of the monitors as they viewed the scene they’d just filmed. They were cheering and applauding at the performance Michael and Naomi were putting on. Even I had to admit, they were doing a great job, very convincing— almost uncomfortable to watch since they were having so much fun groping each other. Truly every girlfriend’s dream to witness her man dry hump in the open desert for a dozen cameras. I’m a lucky girl.

“Look at them. This is going to be hot!”

“That’s a star couple if I ever saw one.”

“People are going to go crazy over this video.”

“They’d be absolutely stunning together. Imagine their babies. Oh, they’d have beautiful babies.”

What the fuck. They’re having babies now? I can’t take much more of this. It’s getting difficult to keep up the supportive girlfriend act. It was easy to tell myself it’s just a job and Michael deserves to have me here cheering him on, but now it felt like I was intruding.

“Naomi, can we get you on the floor?” She flipped her hair and nodded enthusiastically. “Michael, just climb on top of her, do whatever comes to you.”

Yeah, I’m gonna need a break. I hopped out of my chair, walking off before taking one last glance at my boyfriend— that was a big mistake. His hand on Naomi’s chin, guiding her to look up at him from where she was on the floor— in front of him— on her knees.

That’s awesome.

I’m totally okay with this.

I’m not upset. They’re just acting.

And, they just so happened to be great actors.

*Michael’s POV*

As I danced along to the music, something had shifted and I could feel it deep in my soul. I tried to continue, but I was too focused on the empty chair a few yards in front of me. This isn’t right. She wouldn’t just wander off without telling me. I took a deep breath, shaking my head and when the music stopped my feet took off. This felt— it all felt wrong.

“Babe?” I found her stood behind the trailer, her back pushed up against it. “Why’d you leave?”

“It didn’t feel like I was needed anymore.”

“Of course you are. I panicked— I was worried when I didn’t see you.”

“I’m not stupid.” Her eyes were glossy when she finally spoke and her lips stuck in a frown.

“Of course you’re not. I never said you were.” I reached out to her, but she pushed my hand away.

“Well, then, why are you treating me like I am?”

“Babe, what’s going on? What’s this about?”

“This is humiliating.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You can cut the tension with a knife. Why did you even bring me here?”

“Because I need you.”

“It doesn’t— I don’t think you do.”

“Come on. Let’s go inside.” I tried to reach out for her again, but she stepped away, wrapping her arms around herself. She was shielding her from me and it hurt like hell. “Let’s talk. We should talk.”

“It’s in your eyes. They always tell me what you can’t say. I can see it.”

“Honey, see what?”

“Michael, you’re into her.”

“What?”

“You’ve been acting— you haven’t been yourself off camera— with me. I don’t know why, but ever since lunch you’ve been avoiding me. It seems like you rather be over there with her… you’re not being yourself. And, the only explanation I can come up with is that you’re into her.”

“No. No. That’s not true.”

“That’s what it feels like— like you want to be with her. You’re acting different.”

“Baby, no. I promise that’s not it.”

“When they yell cut you practically hide from me, but I can tell. I can see it in your eyes— it’s— there’s something wrong and it looks like when the camera is rolling you’re loving every minute. I can feel it— there’s something going on with her.”

“No, Y/N, no— I don’t want her. This is work and I’m just playing a part.”

“You guys are all over each other—”

“It’s for the film. We’re acting. I’m acting. That’s all.”

“It seems like you’re both really enjoying it. Why are you avoiding me? Like you don’t want to be near me—”

“No, that’s not it! I’m so sorry… I didn’t intend to make you feel that way.”

“What is it then! Am I imagining it?”

“Y/N! No!”

“All you can say is no?”

“No! I mean— shit, not no.”

“You’ve gotta get back out there. I’ll just stay here or I can leave.” She took in a deep breath like she was trying to appear unfazed. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No. Y/N, listen...” I drifted off, feeling helpless. I had no idea what to say— how to say this.

“Just say it.”

“I don’t know…”

“Then, say something, say anything.”

“I was avoiding you because I can’t keep things from you. I’m not a good liar.”

“A good liar? Oh my god. What did you do?”

“Babe.”

“What did you do with her that you need to lie to me about?” Her voice was weak and she started crying profusely at the thought of me betraying her.

“No. Please listen to me.” She still wouldn’t let me touch her, so I settled for placing my hands on the metal exterior of the trailer, on either side of her, blocking her in so she couldn’t run away from me.

“I’m listening.” She muttered, staring off into the distance.

“I’d never do something like that. I didn’t mean— I meant I’m not good at keeping things from you. I hate it actually. And, I thought it was best to not tell you this while we’re still here because I didn’t want you to kill Naomi.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I love you. Do you hear me? I fucking love you. I didn’t want— I thought I was protecting you.”

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Shit. Okay, please don’t be mad.”

“Michael, you’re scaring me.”

“When you left to get us lunch. She came into my trailer—”

“Who?” Her eyes squinted, focusing on my every word and I knew immediately this wasn’t going to end well.

“Naomi, she came onto me.”

“She what!” Y/N yelled, taking me by surprise.

“Oh, you’re already mad. That was quick.” I nervously bit my lip, stalling because I didn’t want to tell her everything. She was going to lose it.

“What did she do Michael?”

“I need you to promise me that you won’t run over there and go all Balboa, okay? There can’t be— you can’t make a scene.”

“Michael, tell me, now.”

“You didn’t promise.”

“Fine. I promise. I won’t make a scene.” Her voice was calm when she said it, showing me a tight lipped smile to reassure me. I didn’t have much time to study that smile before she spoke again. “Now, tell me.”

“Naomi came onto me. She threw herself at me. I didn’t think she’d— it came out of nowhere. I—It made me so uncomfortable. I was kind of embarrassed— but still— honey, I— I should’ve told you. I— S— She grabbed me— like— down there and said things— offered some things I’m not very comfortable repeating—” I didn’t get to finish before she dipped her head under my arm, escaping my makeshift barrier. “Babe!” She didn’t stop and she didn’t look back.

I took a deep breath before chasing after her, but she’d vanished. Damn, I forgot how quick she is. The only hint of her whereabouts was the sound of Naomi’s trailer door being ripped open. I scanned the area anxiously, but nothing seemed off. No one was suspicious of anything. There were no eyes on me. Everyone was going on about their business as usual and that’s when I really noticed how quiet it was. It was too quiet. I couldn’t hear any sounds of a fight which made me curious and a little afraid. Carefully, I walked towards the open door of Naomi’s trailer, peeking inside and nothing. I didn’t see Y/N or Naomi anywhere. I really didn’t want to go inside, but knowing my girl, I’d definitely have to carry her out of here.

“Babe! Are you in here?” There was a slight creaking sound and it was only then I noticed the trailer shaking.

No answer.

“Babe?”

Still nothing.

I placed my foot on the first step, counting to five before going any further, but thankfully that was as far as I had to go. Y/N appeared from the back room with a toothy grin on her face this time, fixing her shirt and dusting herself off.

“Hey baby! There you are.” She chuckled, walking over to me, intertwining our hands and dragging me back outside— away from what she’d done. My gut told me she left behind a crime scene. The way she smiled at me— I had no doubt she took care of business.

“What did you do?” I whispered, studying her body for any visible wounds. I paused, inspecting her hands, specifically her bright red knuckles.

“Nothing.” She shrugged innocently. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t see anything, did you?”

“Y/N, you have to tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Did you hit her? Yell at her? I didn’t hear any yelling. What happened in there?”

“I didn’t hear anything. Did you?” She tilted her head, waiting for my answer. There was something about the way she was looking at me. I wanted to laugh, but I was genuinely curious what she was capable of.

“Babe—”

Before I could finish, Naomi emerged from her trailer, looking— very different. She looked like she’d been to hell and back. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were trained on the floor as she walked by us. She had her hand on her forehead, acting like she was blocking the sun, but I could tell there was more. She was covering something, maybe a scratch or bruise.

“I didn’t cause a scene.” Y/N whispered to me as she brought her lips to mine.

“I’m not sure whether to be scared of you or really turned on right now.” I wasn’t scared of her. I was impressed, maybe that was wrong, but I was.

“You’ll figure it out.” She winked, cupping my face and rubbing her thumb across my cheek.

“Thank you. Thank you so—”

“No need. I’m always going to have your back. I know I promised, but I couldn’t— I couldn’t just let someone get away with doing that to you.”

“Thank you for standing up for me. No one has ever done anything like that for me.”

“And, I always will. You’ll always have me.”

I stared at her in awe for what felt like hours, the way I love her is unlike anything I’ve ever known to exist. She defends me with her whole heart. No matter how low I feel she brings me back up. When I feel like I’m drowning she keeps my head above water. I don’t know how she does it— I don’t know why she does it, but damn would I be lost without it— without her. Fuck, I knew it the first time I laid eyes on her. I knew it the first time I heard her voice. I needed her. My girl.

There’s something about her.

“I love you.” It came out as an exhale, but shit did I put my soul into those three words. I felt a tug at my lips, admiring how she looked at me, like I was her world— the same way I looked at her.

“You should.”

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