#notes on the oeuvre

[unproduciblesmackdown]

winston my quant of billions

[heartyearning]

Pauline Kael, circles & squares

[ineskew]

i want to watch another hitchcock but he made so many films... and what if it's not as good as strangers on a train....

[hephaestiions]

day 2 for @hprecfest — a fic rated G

on the turning away by @blamebrampton (blamebrampton) (G, 25.7k, 2014)

It's one thing to be good at not making a besotted fool of yourself over a man when he's busy being the most famous wizard in the world and you're tucked away quietly in Wiltshire. It's quite another when you have to see him every morning.

blamebrampton's oeuvre features some excellent G-rated fic (see also: welcoming voice & marginal notes) but i chose turning away for this prompt because it has the slow-pulled, cosy-stretched wintery vibe perfect for december.

a prank goes wrong, and draco, now a potioneer in salisbury, must report daily to deputy head-auror harry potter for a few weeks to satisfy expectations that he is no longer given to tendencies putting wizarding peace in jeopardy. features harry, who hasn't grown out of his own tendencies to risk personal safety for the greater good, draco, who for lack of better phrasing, did a great deal of growing up, much tea drinking & a big-hearted young auror who is a gloriously enjoyable oc.

i loved this take on draco— older, quieter but still sharp and distinct. the dynamic between harry and draco builds slowly until the crescendo is upon you, entirely believable with a satisfying thrum of surprise. at 25k, i hesitate to class it a slow-burn— it's more of an even simmer, glow of a hearth, gently rising dough.

h/d fic & fandom sees an immensely corrugated post-war terrain & most writers bring their own spin on the quality of post-canon atmosphere. in brampton's works, turning away especially, these contours are rendered with care and comfort: politically imperfect without being bleak, suffused with fresh blood and a striving towards better living without being utopian. redemption & reckoning are fostered through painstaking, mundane efforts; the shape of hope emerges as the slow build of dawn into day. it makes for work that's strikingly mature yet warm and comforting, slow breeze in the afternoon.

i read this for the first time about when it posted, a decade ago now, and returning to it was a delightful trip. a brilliant feel-good bedtime/holidays read, check it out & show some love!

[fordcrownvictoria]

Soleil | The Sonic Architecture of A Day in the Life

Few songs in the pop canon have achieved the mythic resonance of The Beatles’ A Day in the Life, the closing track of their seminal album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. A collaborative work by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, and produced with avant-garde ambition by George Martin, the song is often heralded as a summation of the psychedelic era. Yet beneath its dreamlike textures lies a brilliantly composed, intricately structured work of sonic architecture—one that fuses classical influences, musique concrète, studio experimentation, and traditional song form into something utterly new.

This essay examines A Day in the Life at a technical level—its musical structure, orchestration, harmonic devices, and production innovations—and then speculates on the alchemy that makes its disparate parts coalesce into magic.

I. Binary Structure and Beyond: Architecture of Contrast

The structure of A Day in the Life is a formal outlier in the Beatles’ oeuvre. Rather than relying on the familiar verse-chorus paradigm, the song is bifurcated into two primary sections: Lennon’s melancholic verses, and McCartney’s brisk, day-in-the-life vignette. These two halves are stitched together by experimental orchestral glissandi and crowned by a monumental E major chord that resonates for nearly a minute.

Lennon's Section: "I read the news today, oh boy..."

Lennon’s verses are built around a repetitive harmonic loop: G – Bm – Em – Em7 – C – Cmaj7 – Am – C. While this chord progression appears simple, its hypnotic quality comes from the subtle dissonances and modal ambiguity. The inclusion of Em7 and Cmaj7 provides a suspended, drifting quality, evoking the detachment of the narrator.

Rhythmically, the section is in a 4/4 time signature, but the phrasing is deceptively elastic—Lennon’s vocal delivery floats above the beat, obscuring the bar lines and creating a sense of temporal fog.

McCartney's Section: "Woke up, fell out of bed..."

In contrast, McCartney’s interlude bursts forth in an up-tempo allegro, shifting abruptly into the key of E major. The meter remains 4/4, but the tempo accelerates. The instrumentation changes, too: from the ethereal, reverb-laden guitars and vocals of Lennon’s part to a dry, close-mic’d upright piano and brisk drums. The harmonic movement here is more straightforward (E – C#m – F#m – B), supporting the mundane narrative of morning routine. This juxtaposition is both tonal and emotional—Lennon’s existential detachment versus McCartney’s punch-clock realism. The jarring shifts between these sections are central to the song’s psychological effect.

II. Sonic Experimentation and the Studio as Instrument

Perhaps the most iconic experimental feature of A Day in the Life is the orchestral glissando—a chaotic crescendo that bridges Lennon and McCartney’s sections and leads into the final apocalyptic chord. This was achieved through groundbreaking studio techniques and unconventional compositional methods.

The Orchestral Climb

The first orchestral crescendo (between Lennon and McCartney’s parts) and the second (leading into the final chord) involve an atonal glissando played by a 40-piece orchestra. George Martin instructed the musicians to start from the lowest note on their instruments and gradually ascend to the highest, at their own pace, without synchronization.

The result is a swirling cluster of pitches that builds tension not through harmony but through density, dissonance, and chaos—a technique more common in avant-garde classical music than pop. This mirrors the anxiety and fragmentation of modern life and dreams. The crescendo climaxes at a near-unbearable volume before falling into silence, and then McCartney’s voice enters like consciousness snapping back into place.

The Final Chord

The song’s final E major chord is struck simultaneously on three pianos and a harmonium, then allowed to decay naturally. The engineers slowly raised the gain as the chord rang out, capturing over forty seconds of its lingering decay. It’s both an ending and an echo—a resonating void after the sensory overload.

III. Studio Layering and Textural Detail

The technical achievements of A Day in the Life go far beyond its formal structure. Lennon’s vocals are soaked in reverb and doubled subtly for ghostly resonance. The rhythm track uses brushed drums and minimalistic guitar strums to create a foggy backdrop. Tape loops, reverse effects, and careful EQing are used to give depth to even the most sparse passages.

McCartney’s section, in contrast, is dry and direct—symbolizing grounded consciousness. The contrast in spatial depth between the two sections is an engineering masterstroke, enhancing the song’s conceptual binary: dream and reality, mortality and routine.

There’s also a famous bit of musique concrète hidden after the final chord: a high-pitched tone (15 kHz), added by John Lennon “for the dogs.” This inaudible Easter egg is emblematic of the Beatles’ playfulness even at their most ambitious.

IV. Lyrical Discontinuity as Conceptual Unity

Though the lyrics appear disjointed—Lennon’s surreal newspaper accounts and philosophical musings alongside McCartney’s quotidian recollection of a morning commute—they are bound together by a common theme: alienation.

The song’s genius lies in how it links personal dislocation with social absurdity. Lennon’s deadpan account of a car crash and military funding is delivered with a resigned sigh. McCartney’s coffee and commute feels frantic and devoid of meaning. The “holes in Blackburn, Lancashire” become metaphors for the holes in perception and reality.

The song ends not with resolution but with an ambiguous, echoing finality—an invitation to reflect rather than a directive to feel.

V. Why It’s Magical: The Alchemy of Contradiction

What makes A Day in the Life so magical is not just its technical innovation but its emotional and structural contradictions. It is a song of opposites—ethereal and grounded, structured and chaotic, intimate and cosmic. It pushes the boundaries of what a pop song can be, without losing the human thread that binds it.

At a time when the boundaries between “high” and “low” art were being questioned, A Day in the Life proved that experimentalism could coexist with emotional depth. The dissonance of the orchestral swells is not alienating—it’s enveloping. The final chord is not a gimmick—it’s a portal. In the end, the song works because it acknowledges fragmentation but delivers cohesion. Each section, each sound, each breath is meticulously placed yet feels spontaneous. The studio becomes both canvas and brush, and the Beatles, at the height of their collaborative powers, transcend genre, era, and expectation.

Conclusion: The Dream That Remains

A Day in the Life is a monument—not just of the 1960s, or of studio wizardry, or of Lennon-McCartney genius—but of what music can do when it reaches beyond form into feeling. It is not just listened to; it is entered, like a dream whose rules you slowly recognize but never quite understand. Its magic lies in that dream logic—in its refusal to explain itself, and in its insistence on being felt.

In the end, we don’t remember A Day in the Life because it’s perfect. We remember it because it understands that imperfection—discontinuity, noise, and contrast—can be a deeper kind of truth. And in that truth, it glows.

[sturionic]

Your post "Activism is Not Cold-Calling" came across my dash. The point about building community to persuade makes a lot of sense to me.

You mentioned several trainings you've taken and taught as a volunteer labor organizer that discusses the specific nuts and bolts of it. I am wondering if there are resources you'd recommend for someone wanting to add tools to the toolbox. I'm not organizing labor; I'm a parent interested in improving equity in the local schools. But I think at least some of the strategies should transfer well, and I'd like to learn more.

Thanks.

Hi there! Your instinct is very, very correct: a lot of the organizing principles used in union drives transfer well to different forms of organizing. Things like structured organizing conversations and workplace mapping are incredibly useful skills.

Personally, I think the best comprehensive top-down view of effective organizing for a beginner is Jane McAlevey's works. Jane passed away this past summer. We really lost a true titan, an absolute force of nature; but she's left behind a wealth of invaluable materials - books, articles & other writings, interviews, speeches. The first few pages of No Shortcuts: Organizing for Power in the New Gilded Age rewired my brain and made me think about organizing in a whole new way, and I've read that book practically to death, it's barely hanging on lol. You can find McAlevey's works here: https://janemcalevey.com/

Of course, McAlevey's oeuvre is very union-focused and goes deep. If you're just looking for some quicker concepts, Labor Notes has tons of study guides, handouts, and other bite-sized materials that explain organizing concepts. You can buy them on the site (support them if you can!), but they're mostly also pretty easy to find online, or modified versions other people have made. Labor Notes also runs regular online trainings which are excellent.

Lastly, I know you said you're not specifically doing union stuff, but on the off chance anyone reading this is interested in unionizing their workplace: check out Emergency Workplace Organizing Committee. You can contact EWOC directly and they will help you organize your workplace, and they also have their own excellent resources and run regular trainings. You can also get involved by becoming a trained organizer (like me!) and volunteering for them. (EWOC is, of course, American; if any other Canadians are reading this and interested in organizing, feel free to DM me and I can put you in touch with people.) EDIT: I'm seeing people in the notes of my post recommending IWW's materials, and they are so right! Look up "IWW Organizing Manual" and "IWW Organizing Basics." They are great & digestible reads, and IWW has many more resources on their site and archives. (If anyone else has resources to recommend, have at 'er!)

[boatem-probler]

I Watched Tokyo Soul So You Don't Have To!

…And it only took like Nine Months.

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / Wrap-Up - You Are Here!

I’ve ended up with 12 posts summarizing all 50-odd episodes of Tokyo Soul, plus the specials and the finale, which aren’t numbered. And, like @paranoidpug before me, I kept track of all the particularly traumatic events that befell Grian, the injuries he sustained, and the deaths that he witnessed, for the purpose of making sort of a Grian Angst Index.

The Google Document containing the text of all my summaries, a shorter YHS summary for my own reference, and this wrap-up post, currently sits at 68 pages. Absolute Insanity. Thank you for coming with me on this journey.

Content Warnings: Tokyo Soul as a whole contains violence, guns, police and military brutality, animal death, stalking and sexual harassment of characters who are minors (by both other minor characters and adult characters), racist humor, homophobic humor, transphobic humor, ableist humor, basically any kind of purposefully offensive humor you can think of. And also the Minions from Despicable Me.

Tokyo Soul Wrap-Up Table of Contents:

Explanation of what Tokyo Soul is and why I even did this

Bare-bones summary of all of Tokyo Soul

Potential Time Gaps

The final Grian Trauma Count

Rambling about various things I think are interesting

Vague notes about the Yandere prequel because I skimmed it

What do I even plan to do with all of this?

Explanations

In 2015-2016, Grian was in this dumb “edgy” Minecraft RP series called Yandere High School and its fever dream of a sequel, Tokyo Soul. Many people in MCYT fandom spaces either watched this series when they were young and remember it with at least some degree of nostalgia, or stumbled onto it later and are simply morbidly fascinated by the fact that Grian of all people was in this thing.

And some of these people like to add little bits of lore from this series into Grian’s backstory in their fics, mainly for angst purposes, thus adding more people to the “morbidly fascinated” count.

However, Yandere High School is a difficult show to actually watch, because it is not a good show. The pacing is horribly slow, the humor had already aged like milk before the first video was even posted, and the whole thing is kind of a weeaboo nightmare.

So, in 2022, to assist everyone who encountered something from the show in a fic and was confused, and so that these people wouldn’t have to actually go and watch the series themselves, @/paranoidpug watched the entirety of Yandere High School and wrote summaries of it. They’re very entertaining summaries.

But what of Tokyo Soul? Popular wisdom has it that Tokyo Soul is much worse than Yandere High School, as well as a lot weirder, and none had yet accomplished the feat of summarizing it. I have the impression that most people largely ignore it when writing their fics, as is, of course, their right.

I, however, am a Sweat.

The thing you have to understand about me is that I am incredibly incredibly autistic about Stories and Storytelling, that stuff is like my greatest passion in life. So I like to go a lot harder than I strictly need to when it comes to my own writing, and I don’t really like to write a fanfiction unless I have all the pieces of the canon at my disposal.

And another thing you have to understand about me is that I’m obsessed with metafiction. And the MCYT fandom is great for metafiction, because the fiction itself is so malleable, and different creators stitch their fictions together in different ways, and different fans stitch these fictions together in different ways. And Minecraft gets a bit meta itself with the End Poem.

So I ended up becoming kind of fascinated by playing around with what could happen if you grafted YHS onto the rest of Grian’s oeuvre, particularly Evolution and the Life Series, because Taurtis is in Evo, and the Watchers can be really meta as well, and then I found out Lizzie was in Tokyo Soul……

To put it another way, basically what I’m trying to do here is take all the bricks from a bunch of different Lego sets and use them to make something that isn’t in any of those sets. And in order to do that properly, I need to have all the bricks from all the Lego sets, and I need to know what they were intended to be so I can figure out the best way to reinterpret them.

Which means I needed to watch all of Tokyo Soul. So I figured I might as well summarize it too.

Was it worth it? Yes, to Me Specifically, because of the way that I am.

Was it an overall enjoyable experience? No. I mean, there were individual things I found enjoyment in, but overall? No.

And like, it’s not even because the show is bad, I like plenty of things that are bad! There are things I like that have terrible pacing, there are things I like where shit just Happens, there are things I like that make insensitive jokes (I mean, I made a somewhat niche Homestuck reference just in the last summary I wrote).

I think it’s like, because your entire experience of the show is so strongly filtered through Sam Gladiator’s perspective, like he is literally the camera, and he is not a good cameraman. And he’s constantly herding everyone around really unsubtly, like every two seconds he’s like “okay well we have to go HERE now and do THIS thing”. And he’s the one who reads everyone’s lines when they type in the chat and he’s sooooo bad at it. And of course the most egregious examples of the show’s offensive sense of humor are his sense of humor.

Like, he’s just a really fucking annoying guy to be around and because of the format of the show he is inescapable. If he just wasn’t there I would be eating that shit up. I like trash! Just… not this trash. What I really like is what I can make using this trash.

But what IS this trash, you may ask. You may also ask me to stop blabbering and get to what you’re really here for. So here it is:

Summary

After the events of Yandere High School, Sam, Taurtis, Grian, and Domrao are put into “witness protection” in “Tokyo”, although Grian is briefly sent to Tokyo, Canada instead. At school, one of their teachers is Literally Toriel Undertale. Another teacher is Geode, who is very obviously an alien and has a strange fixation on Taurtis.

Their guidance counselor, Señor Loro, makes everyone wrestle him to get their class schedules. He has several pet goats, which are being preyed upon by The Chupacabra. Señor Loro gives the boys guns and enlists their help in hunting down the chupacabra, but they’re unsuccessful. Grian is pissed the fuck off that none of their teachers are actually teaching them anything.

Taurtis goes missing (the original Taurtis actually dies during this time, but we don’t find that out yet), so Sam and Grian get jobs at a superstore, where they form an enmity with another employee, Jason, before quitting.

When Taurtis wanders back to their house, Sam informs him they’re going to kill Jason. In the process of attempting to do this, they chase him into the school building at night, where they get distracted because Geode is in the pool creating a whole bunch of Taurtis Clones. They break the machine Geode is using to do this, and manage to escape with a handful of the clones.

Sam then locks Grian in the basement, as we find out later.

While Grian is in the basement, the chupacabra kills Toriel and is hired as her replacement, “Mr. Chupa”. Sam and Taurtis find a note in Taurtis’s gym locker informing them that the original Taurtis was killed by Geode before he made all those clones. Then the clones start exploding one by one, because they have an “expiration date”. They find out there’s an antidote in Geode’s house, so they break in and steal it so that Main Clone Taurtis doesn’t explode.

Grian is let out of the basement just in time for the Star Wars Special, in which a lot happens and none of it is of any consequence. Grian does learn that Taurtis is dead and a clone, and that one of their teachers was killed and replaced by the chupacabra, but he doesn’t react strongly to either of these pieces of information.

Lizzie LDShadowlady comes to visit, and gets to witness the madness that is Grian’s everyday life. While she’s there, Geode gets the class to help him summon his alien contacts.

They show one of Sam’s friends around the city while Geode shows some other aliens around the city. Sam’s friend is doubtful about whether they’re actually in Japan. Then they get in trouble with both the mafia and the police, again.

Taurtis goes missing again (he was kidnapped by aliens). Sam and Grian are taken to the police station, but not to be arrested – instead, the SWAT team wants them to take care of their alien problem for them. “Taking care of it” mostly involves Sam shooting up a hospital.

The mafia inform Sam and Grian that they have “your friend”, who they assume to be Taurtis, and they try to rob the superstore to get ransom money. It doesn’t go well, and they end up in a shootout with the cops. This time, they do get arrested, and the police coerce them into helping them take out the mafia. The mafia don’t actually have Taurtis, by the way, they have one of the other clones.

Taurtis returns! At school, Mr. Chupa gets the class to summon Cthulhu so he can ask for the winning lottery numbers. Aliens bring their old teacher Rowan back as a Terminator robot in order to kill them (I think? This kind of never gets resolved), leading into the One Punch Man Special, in which Taurtis shaves his hair off to become One Punch Man.

They kill a bunch of incredibly weird aliens on a big spaceship parked above the town, and then Taurtis duels the alien leader to the death. Sam explodes the ship. After this, more weird aliens continue to show up to duel Taurtis to the death. These ones bring Minions with them.

Mr. Chupa summons Cthulhu again, and Cthulhu tells everyone that Sam is going to destroy the world. Grian drinks a Sleeping Chaos Potion he swiped from Cthulhu. The boys take a joyride in the spaceship of one of the aliens Taurtis killed, and accidentally leave Grian in Canada again. While he’s gone, Sam and Taurtis roleplay as superheroes for a couple episodes, until Grian shows up again in a different spaceship that he stole somehow.

Another of Sam’s friends turns up, and she and the gang end up having to stay behind after school to help Mr. Chupa with another ritual. She messes up the words somehow, and summons a portal to the demon realm. Mr. Chupa demands the kids go in and figure out how to close it. Inside the portal, Cthulhu tells them the only way to close it is to sacrifice the person who opened it to a Pit Monster, so Grian does.

Mr. Chupa needs some people to go down to the school basement (which didn’t exist until just then) to get him more ritual books, and the boys volunteer themselves. They find The Necronomicon, and get transported to an alternate timeline. Grian and the Necronomicon initially hate each other, but then the Necronomicon starts manipulating him and within an afternoon he becomes concerningly attached to it. Sam takes it from him by force, and then an Evil Alternate Universe Dom shows up and takes it from Sam.

They decide to wait until tomorrow to get the Necronomicon back from Evil Dom. This is a mistake, because overnight, Evil Dom uses the book to summon a bunch of Minions that eat people and turn them into more Minions. This happens to Taurtis. Sam and Grian get an antidote, but it just kills him instead of curing him. They go kill Evil Dom and get the Necronomicon back from him, and it tells them they can just go to another alternate timeline and steal their Taurtis.

Once they get there, they follow Alternate Taurtis, Alternate Sam, and Alternate Grian around for most of a school day, then kill Alternate Sam and Alternate Grian. Taurtis is upset with them, because he went through a lot to find those versions of Sam and Grian, kill their Taurtis and replace him, and fend off all the other Sam-and-Grians trying to kidnap him. But then the universe they’re in starts imploding, so he ends up going with Sam and Grian anyway.

When they arrive back in their original universe, though, there’s nothing there except their completely empty house floating in a void. Cthulhu and the Necronomicon thank them for connecting all the universes, allowing Minions to devour all of reality. Cthulhu preserved their house for them and made them immortal as a reward. He promptly fucks off, leaving the boys to sit with this for the rest of eternity.

Time Gaps

Some of the arcs/recording sessions very clearly lead into one another, but some leave room for there to be some amount of time between them that could be used for fanfiction purposes.

Episode 5-6: No time gap. Sam falls asleep in Taurtis’s room with Taurtis outside the door, and wakes up in Taurtis’s room with Taurtis asleep outside the door.

Episode 10-11: No time gap. They go to stay the night in a hotel and wake up in the same hotel.

Episode 13-14: Probably no time gap. It’s stated to be the weekend in episodes 11-13, and it appears to still be the weekend in episodes 14-15.

Episode 15-16: Probably no time gap. Sam puts some of the Taurtis clones in an abandoned house and falls asleep with one Taurtis clone at the foot of his bed, when he wakes up the same clone is still there and the rest are still in the abandoned house. This would mean that the gang attempted murder, then witnessed a bunch of Taurtis clones dying, and then That Actual Same Night, Sam locked Grian in the basement. Wild.

Episode 18-19: Unclear. We don’t see Sam fall asleep in episode 18. There’s probably not much of a gap if there is one, since it’s implied that the Taurtis clones aren’t meant to last very long before they explode, but you could probably still stretch out Grian’s basement imprisonment for a bit if you wanted, for the extra angst.

Episode 21-Special: Unclear again, for the same reason. Again not much of a gap if there is one, Grian says Sam put him in the basement “a few nights ago”. Actually, Grian says later that Sam left him there for “like a week”, so it probably could be longer.

Special-Episode 22: Probably a time gap. Sam is in his bedroom instead of the Clone Basement Cave, and all the Stormtrooper Taurtis Clones from the special are gone.

Episode 24-25: Minimal to no time gap. Sam mentions taking Lizzie to the train station, and it makes sense for Geode to put beacons up to contact his superiors one day and then the next day his superiors show up.

Episode 27-28: Probably a time gap. It’s been at least a day, because the Lizzie episodes are on a school day, the next episodes are likely the next day, which isn’t a school day, and in episode 28 Sam mentions needing to go to school, leaving one weekend day unaccounted for. It’s also been enough time since the Star Wars special for Taurtis to have had “clone episodes” often enough for Grian to get used to them, so it could be a longer gap. Geode’s beacons are still up though.

Episode 30-31: Probably a time gap. Grian mentions that it’s been “a few days” since Taurtis went missing, and it’s also now the weekend.

Episode 32-33: Most likely a time gap. There’s probably been at least one school day that we didn’t see, since Grian says he went to bed in his uniform so he wouldn’t have to get changed in the morning. Although he could have put on his uniform on Sunday night. But there’s been enough time for Jerry to acquire both a fake TV and a Demon Sword since being rescued from the mafia, so I’m gonna say it’s been at least one full day.

Special-Episode 36: Unclear, but probably minimal time gap. Taurtis’s haircut is still “new”.

Episode 40: An on-screen caption says “the next day”, so no time gap.

Episode 43: Unclear, probably no time gap, Sam says he had a stressful day yesterday.

Episode 47-48: Probably a time gap, enough time for Grian and Taurtis to have daily arguments about who gets to be the little spoon.

Episode 51-52: Dude I have no fucking clue. Episode 51 ends with everyone going off to spend the night in different houses, but in episode 52 they had all spent the previous night in the same house until Taurtis wandered off, but there’s also no reason why there would have been more than one night in between the two episodes so who knows.

That all being said though, I’m sure you could find a way to fit extra time in pretty much anywhere.

And now... the moment you've all been waiting for...

The Final Grian Trauma Count!

Deaths Witnessed:

A large number of Taurtis Clones

A large number of SWAT Team members

A large number of mobsters

A large number of aliens

A large number of Minions

1 Student Eaten by the Chupacabra

2 Old People

1 Transphobe

Tronald Drump

1 Hostage

2 Cops

1 Student Devoured by Cthulhu

2 Car Crash Victims

1 Dog

3 or 4 Demons

Aphmau

3 People Eaten by Minions

Taurtis

Evil Alternate Universe Domrao

Alternate Universe Geode

Alternate Universe Sam

2 Alternate Universe Witnesses

Alternate Universe Grian

Alternate Universe Jerry

The Whole Of Reality

Total: 28 that I actually bothered counting, but definitely a lot more than that even if you don’t count All Of Reality.

Of these, Grian was indirectly or directly responsible for:

Some of the Taurtis Clones (albeit in the Star Wars special, which kind of doesn’t matter)

The aliens

Most of the Minions

The Hostage

The Demons

Aphmau

Evil Alternate Universe Domrao

Alternate Universe Sam

2 Alternate Universe Witnesses

Alternate Universe Grian

The Whole Of Reality

Total: 11 that I counted, more that I didn’t, and All Of Reality

Injuries Sustained:

Jokingly implied that he got his face caught in a blender at some point in the past

Likely some bruises from wrestling Señor Loro

Per Pug: Beaten (by stormtroopers). Would have left bruises.

1 stab wound

I’m not sure if MD Nurse stabbed him or punched him but he was definitely injured in some way

Locked in an oven and set on fire by Sam (burns)

So many gunshot wounds I just stopped counting, seemed to be mostly in the legs, none of which were properly treated, one of which he bandaged with a piece of paper

Other Traumatic Events:

Left in Canada twice and had to make his own way back.

Consumes some very concerning things, and also frequently goes without food/enough food.

Stalked and sexually harassed by a creepy old man, who his friends repeatedly insist is Their Friend and Perfectly Fine Actually.

Repeatedly put in physical danger and made to do unsafe and illegal things in his high school classes, repeatedly belittled and punished for calling this out.

In general, none of his very reasonable concerns about the things going on around him are ever really validated by anyone, and Sam and Taurtis straight up tell him they never listen to him.

Repeatedly handed a gun and forced to do dirty work for various adults in positions of power.

Forced to participate in multiple eldritch rituals by a teacher, usually resulting in someone’s death.

Per Pug: Woke in the middle of the night to Sam forcing him into a Princess Leia cosplay, was dragged out of bed and locked in the basement, imprisoned for 3 days straight. Sam showed no intention of letting him out any time soon, was only released once Taurtis heard him screaming. Implied that he was also sexually harassed (verbally) at school by both students and staff while dressed in feminine cosplay. Al’s Note: He would have had untreated bullet wounds while he was locked in the basement.

Everything That Goes On With Taurtis, namely: he goes missing multiple times, is killed and replaced by a clone and Grian is unaware of this for a while and subsequently informed very unceremoniously by Sam, said clone is turned into a Zombie Minion and what Grian and Sam were told was an antidote actually just kills him.

Literal Cthulhu tells him that Sam is going to destroy the world, there’s no way out of this town for him, and he can’t even kill Sam about it.

Emotionally manipulated, probably both mundanely and supernaturally, by an evil sentient book.

Tricked into destroying All Of Reality and then just left to sit in that, while being trapped with Sam Gladiator and an alternate version of Taurtis he doesn’t even really know, forever, with absolutely nothing to even pass the time.

So, that’s kind of a lot. A lot has happened to our boy. And over the course of the series, he gradually just… stops fighting it. Resigns himself to getting used to it. To the point that even Sam calls him out for barely reacting to killing Aphmau, even if it was to save his own life. He has SO much venom in the beginning of the series, towards Sam and towards the authority figures around him who are failing to be properly responsible, and over time that venom just gets weaker and weaker.

Rambling

Friend Group Roles

In the first few episodes, when Grian isn’t there, Sam and Taurtis are constantly expressing how unsafe they feel. But as soon as Grian arrives and starts worrying about the same exact things, suddenly Sam and Taurtis just completely flip their stance, constantly invalidating and belittling Grian for his concerns about things like the old man stalking them and their teachers not teaching them anything.

It’s like… if they can offload all their worry onto the person whose role in their friend group is “the one who’s always wrong/the one we never listen to”, then they can stop being worried about it themselves. Like, they’re using their belittlement of Grian as a way to make themselves feel safe. Alex, I’ll take “Horrendously Bad Coping Mechanisms” for 500.

(Actually, sidebar: I feel like all three of them kind of have these roles that the other two use in kind of the same way, like – Grian is “The Worrywart”, Taurtis is “The Dumb/Gullible One”, Sam is “The Unlikeable/Crazy One”. I mean, there’s degrees of correctness with these, where Grian’s role is the least correct and Sam’s is the most correct. But the point is they ALL feel unsafe in the situations they’re in, they ALL make dumb decisions and go along with things even against their best judgement, and they ALL act like jerks to people and do violent things, but they ascribe each of those things to just ONE person in their group.

Coming back to this the next day: I’m a little more unsure about this now, and I also want to point out that I don’t mean to conflate the way Sam and Taurtis treat Grian’s concerns with the way Taurtis and Grian get on Sam’s case for being unlikable. I still think there’s something interesting here? But hey, that’s why this is a sidebar.)

(Sidebar to the sidebar I feel like the trio and particularly Sam and Grian might have a slightly more even-seeming/feeling dynamic in this series compared to YHS just because like, a lot of the fucked-up stuff that happens really has nothing to do with Sam. Like, he does still do a lot of fucked-up stuff but all the teachers sucking has nothing to do with him, Cthulhu being summoned has nothing to do with him, the multiple alien invasions have nothing to do with him, and it’s mostly the various adults around getting them involved with these things rather than Sam. Idk I am really just spaghetti-ing.)

Taurtis and Grian

Anyway, this is something Sam does a lot, where he’ll push the other two into doing something, and then when it turns out badly he’ll go “why did you guys make me do that”. But I’m not letting Taurtis off the hook for this, either, just because he’s generally more pleasant and less gaslight-y than Sam is. I mean, he’s the one who actually told Grian, “We never listen to you”.

Taurtis is interesting to me because he can be sort of… innocently callous in this way. Like, it’s not really intentional malice, he just doesn’t think. But even that’s kind of complicated because of the, like, one time he mentions offhandedly that he uses his headphones to pretend to participate in conversations with his friends while he just listens to music instead. It kind of gives me the impression that his dopey ignorance is purposeful, like at some point he just went “Aha! If I never understand what’s going on, I never have to worry about it!” and just tuned the fuck out.

But the fact that he has this dynamic with Grian is also interesting to me because like, they’re kind of implied to be in some kind of romantic relationship in this series?

Timeline of the Taurian Rollercoaster:

Star Wars Special: Grian learns Taurtis is dead and a clone.

Episode 23: Taurtis wants some of Grian’s ramen, and Grian suggests they could eat it Lady-and-the-Tramp-style (aka kiss).

Episode 26: Taurtis shoots Grian on purpose, for what appears to Grian to be absolutely no reason, although he gets an explanation later.

Episode 28: Taurtis goes missing again and Grian is extremely concerned.

Episode 33: Taurtis returns and he and Grian share an umbrella on the way to school. Also, Grian objects to Mr. Chupa’s plans for a ritual and Taurtis tells him, “We never listen to you”.

One Punch Man Special: When Taurtis and the alien leader are preparing to fight to the death, Grian declares he will be “the prize” and will give Taurtis “a good splurging” if he wins. He also tells Taurtis he’s going to “splarg him real good tonight” when he does win. Then they bring an alien home with them and Sam and Taurtis give the alien Grian’s room and both insist that Grian should sleep in the same basement dungeon Sam previously locked him up in, which distresses Grian a lot.

Episode 36: Grian and Sam convince Taurtis to do several very stupid and somewhat dangerous things on the premise that they can cure hair loss.

Episode 40: Sam and Taurtis leave Grian in Canada.

Episode 43: Grian returns from Canada.

Episode 47: Grian and Taurtis tell a demon that they glarg all the time only on Tuesdays.

Episode 48: Sam wakes up to Taurtis and Grian arguing about how Grian never lets Taurtis be the little spoon. Also, Sam and Grian decide to set Taurtis up with Jamberite so he can acquire her hair?

Episode 51: Grian calls the Necronomicon his (implicitly romantic) “partner”.

Episode 52: Taurtis gets turned into a Minion and then dies. Grian doesn’t appear to react particularly strongly to this, although that’s most likely because he still thought the Necronomicon could bring him back. But he ends up agreeing to the Necronomicon’s suggestion to steal another timeline’s Taurtis, because “the real one’s dead, let’s face it”.

Look, that must have been a really interesting relationship is all I’m saying.

And then Grian gets stuck in a house in the void with an alternate version of Taurtis who he has no real history with but is also one of the only other people in existence.

Evo and Beyond

But anyway, I think all this, plus the amount of times Taurtis disappears or dies, could add a really interesting color to things like, for instance, how clingy Grian is with Taurtis in Evo. And is the Taurtis he summons into Evo even the same Taurtis he stole from that other world? Does he even know? Things to think about.

(I was gonna make a joke that was like, “I’m Normal, Grian says as he attempts to cover up the Taurtis Summoning Platform he made and then attempts to kill Taurtis for leaving the Empire and then gets Taurtis elected mayor when he wasn’t even running”.

But I was watching Grian’s Hermitcraft Season 6 while writing some of this and he literally just says, “I thought when I put my video out about the Mumbo’s moustache removal, I thought that every Hermit in the world wanted to remove his moustache, but now I’m faced with the very real possibility that it’s just me. It can’t be just me, right? Everyone wants to rip the moustache away. Am I weird? Am I weird for wanting to strip away the moustache of my fellow Hermit? That’s normal, right? I’m normal.”

So it wouldn’t even be a joke, really, because he just. Said it himself. But I just think it’s really funny when Grian tries to convince himself he’s the Normal Reasonable One while doing a bunch of unhinged stuff and I think it could have relevance here.)

And speaking of Evo – I think Pug already mentioned that there just so happens to be a conflict between a “mafia” group and a “police” group in that series – I would like to additionally point out that Grian’s response to this conflict is to build a network of secret railway tunnels under everyone’s bases, and his response to Taurtis pointing out that this is very sketchy is to insist that the other people on the server are worse than he is. Food for thought.

He’s also very adamant about enforcing Consequences for messing with him in Evo, and just in general he can really hold a grudge. I’m thinking also of him taking Jimmy and Mumbo out of the series in Last Life for trying to trap him, and taking Jimmy out of the series in Wild Life for killing him Once like four episodes before that. Smells Like Trauma Response? Perchance.

It’s like, after everything he was pushed into in YHS and TS he is now ADAMANT about not taking any shit from anybody. And making sure people KNOW that. And subsequently can end up overreacting to things. Or something.

I’m also super interested in exploring like, how Grian might navigate the transition between a world where people can and do die permanently, and a world/worlds where people can just respawn and so they frequently just kill each other for fun. Would be a pretty extreme culture shock I think.

(Also this is really only tangentially related to TS but I just really want to talk about the Evo mayoral election which goes like this: Mini, one of the Mafia, and Martyn, one of the Property Police, are running against each other for mayor. Grian enters Taurtis, because he thinks it would be funny if Taurtis won without even knowing he was running.

When the votes are all counted, there are more than there should be. The Property Police goes looking around the Mafia’s subway and finds their secret base, which has a chest in it with extra wool in Mini’s color (they were using wool to vote).

They call everyone currently on the server down there to look at it too, which includes Grian. Grian decides TNT Is The Solution and makes a very impassioned speech (in the text chat because no one is on voice with each other) to convince everyone else that TNT Is The Solution, and then blows up one block of TNT and leaves. Martyn, who had previously been anti-TNT, says well he already did it so there’s no point in me abstaining, gimme the TNT, and blows up the Mafia’s logo.

Then later on during the trial for all this, Grian disqualifies Mini for fraud and Martyn for blowing up people’s bases, leaving Taurtis as the only eligible candidate and automatic mayor, even though the only vote he got was Grian’s.

Again, pretty much entirely unrelated to anything this document is supposed to be about I just think it’s a piece of Grian Characterization that I am obsessed with now and only the trial was in Grian’s POV of Evo. Thank you.)

Alternate Taurtis

I also really want to talk about Alternate Taurtis too, because like, let’s just go over the information we get from him:

He says his original world was destroyed by an army of velociraptors (and presumably his original Grian and Sam died because of this), so he came to the one we see him in, killed the Taurtis who was there, and took over his life.

Alternate versions of Grian and Sam frequently show up to try to abduct him; this happens often enough that everyone in town is aware of it and plays along in order to bamboozle them in various ways. “And then you guys battle each other and stuff, it’s so funny.” I’m not certain exactly who he’s referring to here, but presumably his Sam and Grian and/or the townspeople do battle with the invading Sams and Grians, possibly to the death? I’m guessing to the death is at least a possibility just because that’s the kind of series this is. And Alternate Taurtis finds this funny.

He says he’s known the Alternate Sam we see in the series for “like five years”, but he also says he can “get more” Sams, and when Alternate Grian is killed, he says, “Do you know how many I had to go through to get that one?” So what is the truth??? It feels like he decided to engineer the Perfect Life with the Perfect Sam And Grian or something like that. If a Grian and Sam come to kidnap him and he decides he likes them better than his current ones does he just… keep them?? And throw away the previous ones?

He also says his friend Geode made a bunch of Taurtis clones “so we have backups”. Presumably in case he dies which seems INSANE to me, but also maybe to give to invading Sams and Grians?

And he says he killed another universe’s Geode?? When?? And why??

He makes fun of the boys for having an outdated teleporter.

And like, he really could be bullshitting any amount of this stuff, cause seriously, Taurtis and Sam particularly will just fucking Say Things that obviously aren’t true and never happened, but you can tell because you’ve been watching them the whole time. But you can’t call this Taurtis on anything! It could all be true!

Then there’s like… he seems more savvy than our original Taurtis, but original Taurtis could talk a pretty big game sometimes. And you can be savvy and gullible. Or be savvy and drastically misinterpret a situation because you’re a traumatized kid. You know? So like, literally anything could be true. I’m drowning in possibilities.

Anyway he makes me insane.

And him and Grian and Sam being stuck in an empty house together for what they think is eternity with nothing to do except interact with each other ALSO makes me insane, because I love when some characters with fucked up dynamics are stuck in A Space Or Situation together. So really it was always going to end up this way, with me watching all of Tokyo Soul.

Lizzie

There’s also Lizzie!! What did she think seeing a “normal day” in Grian’s life? Did she try to talk to him about it afterwards? How would that have possibly gone? Or maybe something about the town made it so she only vaguely remembered what happened to her there? That could be something maybe?

And how did she escape the destruction of the Tokyo Soul reality into the Minecraft Multiverse? The idea I have currently is that being in whatever weird spacetime bubble “Tokyo” is situated in did something weird to her phone and connected it to like, the Minecraft Multiverse Internet instead of the Normal Internet? And she gets to talking to Oli Orionsound and like, pretends she doesn’t have absolutely no clue what the fuck any of this is, and is just like “uhhh yeah sure I’ll meet up with you on… uh… Hype Pixel”. And then she gets there and is like WHAT THE FUCK.

And she continues having fun Isekai adventures until one time she tries to go home and just ends up tumbling through the void because the world was destroyed while she was Out. And so she has to make a new life in Block Land and the fic I’m imagining in my head also has one of those really long light novel titles because she’s an Isekai Protagonist basically.

Yandere Prequel

Also: I said I wouldn’t be watching any more of this stuff, but I did briefly skim through the weird prequel series “Yandere”, just to get a sense of it. One thing I noted: I think the house Sam and his father are living in is the same one that Sam and Taurtis start out living in in Yandere High School. So that could explain why they’re just living by themselves in YHS – it was Sam’s dad’s house and then he just fuckin’ left.

In terms of Grian: there are 17 episodes, Grian is kind of in the background a lot of the time from what I could see, and then he completely disappears after episode 12, and there’s no in-character acknowledgement or explanation of his absence, and then the story doesn’t get finished. Apparently this was around when Grian and Taurtis stopped being friends with Sam in real life.

So you really could just ignore it and I think most people do. But I kind of like the idea of Grian having this hazy memory or like vague sense of having known Sam and Taurtis when he was really young, and him not knowing if it’s something that actually happened, or something he dreamed after he drank the Sleeping Chaos Potion, or just something that Sam said enough times that it stuck in his head. I feel like I could have fun playing around with that. I would definitely be ignoring Grian’s canon age though, although I guess it wouldn’t really need to come up.

What Will I Do Next?

Well, write a lot of fanfiction hopefully, since I have a theory that what I need to get my writing mojo back is to put a genuine and disproportionate amount of effort into a writing project that is fundamentally quite stupid. And I already have SO many ideas.

Next Time... Who Knows?

[literaryvein-reblogs]

can i request any words/ phrases/ themes linking to the word ‘relic’?

Writing Notes: Relic

Relic - an object esteemed and venerated because of association with a saint or martyr; souvenir, memento

Relics - remains, corpse; a survivor or remnant left after decay, disintegration, or disappearance; a trace of some past or outmoded practice, custom, or belief

Reliquaries - the containers that store and display relics

Where the bones of martyrs are buried, devils flee as from fire and unbearable torture. —St John Chrysostom

Etymology

Middle English relik, from Anglo-French relike, from Medieval Latin reliquia, from Late Latin reliquiae, plural, "remains of a martyr", from Latin, "remains", from relinquere "to leave behind"

Related Words

Afterimage - a lasting memory or mental image of something

Artifact - an object remaining from a particular period

Corpus - the body of a human or animal especially when dead

Decedent - a person who is no longer living; a deceased person

Memento - souvenir

Oddment - something left over; remnant

Oeuvre - a substantial body of work constituting the lifework of a writer, an artist, or a composer

Remnant - a usually small part, member, or trace remaining

Souvenir - something kept as a reminder (as of a place one has visited)

Vestige - a trace, mark, or visible sign left by something (such as an ancient city or a condition or practice) vanished or lost

Martin Luther complained about the profusion of relics and the absurd claims being made for them: "What lies there are about relics! One claims to have a feather from the wing of the angel Gabriel, and the bishop of Mainz has a flame from Moses’ burning bush. And how does it happen that eighteen apostles are buried in Germany when Christ had only twelve?"

Examples

ANCIENT GREEK RELICS. At Athens the supposed remains of Oedipus and Theseus enjoyed an honor that is very difficult to distinguish from a religious cult.

BUDDHIST RELICS. Relics of the Buddha and various saints were (and still are) venerated. Following the Buddha's death, his bones and teeth were divided for the purpose of being used as relics in order to illustrate his teaching of impermanence (anitya). These relics were so valued that they caused armed conflict between factions for possession of them. Afterward, these relics were taken throughout Asia with the gradual spread of Buddhism.

CHRISTIAN RELICS. Since the dawn of Christianity, relics have been an important part of Christian devotionalism. During the Middle Ages, the selling of relics became a lucrative business. The concept of physical proximity to the “holy” was considered extremely important. A pilgrim's possession and veneration of a relic was seen as a means to become closer to God. Instead of having to travel hundreds of miles to become near to a venerated saint, a Christian could enjoy closeness with him/her through their relic at home.

MUSLIM RELICS. Although certain sects of Islam strongly discourage (or outwardly prohibit) the veneration of relics, a very large collection of Muslim relics is preserved in the Sacred Trusts, located in Istanbul, which contains more than 600 treasured pieces in the Topkapi Palace Museum.

The Roman Catholic Church makes a distinction between veneration and worship of relics and icons.

3 Categories of Relics According to the Vatican

First-Class Relics: Items directly associated with the events of Christ's life (manger, cross, etc.), or the physical remains of a saint (a bone, a hair, a limb, etc.).

Second-Class Relics: An item that the saint wore (e.g., sock, shirt, glove). Also included are items that the saint owned or frequently used (e.g., a crucifix, book). An item more important in the saint's life is considered a more important relic.

Third-Class Relics: Anything that has touched a first- or second-class relic of a saint.

Sources: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ⚜ Writing Notes & References

Hope this helps! Do tag me or send me a link to your writing if it does. I'd love to read your work.

[zombiequeens]

Spectre of my heart | Chapter 1

Content: Vampire!Papa V Perpetua x F!Reader. No smut in this chapter but is planned for future chapters so I'm keeping the NSFW/MDNI flag.

Summary: There's something about the new schoolmaster of your younger sister's school, and your heart isn't going to rest until you unravel the mystery.

Writer's notes: Okay so I expect this one to be more of a slow burn than what I've posted before but I hope you'll stay with me! As always, all feedback and criticism is welcome and appreciated!

18+ MDNI

The sweet oeuvre of birdsong and the cold, crisp air of the misty mountains coaxes you out of your slumber. It's a Thursday morning like any other. You want to close your eyes again, but the clock on your bedside table tells you that it's time to get up and get your younger sister ready for school.

You lift yourself out of the warm confines of your comforter and into the day.

"Abigail? Are you up?" You call for your sister, making your way to the door of her bedroom. No answer.

You knock on the door. Radio silence. "Can I come in, little bird?"

You open the door to see Abigail sitting on her bed, playing with an origami bat in her lap. Your heart becomes heavy inside your chest. Origami is how she copes with any uncomfortable emotions, namely anxiety about going to school.

"I don't want to go." She says quietly, keeping her eyes on the black paper creation in her hands.

"This week's been alright, hasn't it? You were so happy yesterday…" You sit down beside her.

"Alicia comes back to school today."

Abigail has a hard time relating to the other children at the local high school because of your upbringing. You and your sister were born into a cult, and not a friendly one. You learned from a tender age that sharing blood does not always equate to sharing love and you escaped with your sister at the young age of sixteen so that you'd both have a chance at a life that belonged only to you. You traveled as far as you could with the money you'd saved, through towns and wilderness until you found yourselves in Halveton, a secluded mountain town shrouded in dense forest pines and fog. It's been ten whole years since then, and you've been not only her sister but her mother, father and sometimes her only friend. It hasn't been easy but at least you're both free. Still, sometimes the poorly stitched emotional wounds come open, especially when children who cannot understand the depth of her suffering exclude her for being "odd".

"Can you ask the new schoolmaster to help you? What's he like?"

Suddenly, she sits up, her whole demeanor transformed into the carefree girl she had been just the day before.

"Oh! He's so nice. Last week, Alicia and her friends took my bag and hid it in the boy's locker room and Mr. Perpetua went and got it for me!"

The old schoolmaster had recently retired and they were struggling to find a replacement. Eventually, they were able to find a schoolmaster from a ministry in Italy. You know nothing of him, other than that he's called Mr. Perpetua, and that he has the enthusiastic approval of your younger sister, typically not fond of strangers.

You chuckle. "Oh? So he's not a grump like Mr. Carlson?"

"No! Well…he's grumpy but…he's okay. He's the one who gave me this!" She jumps up, holding out the origami bat. "I told him that I like origami and that I'd make him a flower for helping me. When I gave him the flower, he gave me this bat…"

You're relieved that Abigail's new schoolmaster seems to possess a soft side but you long to know more about him. You know he came from a ministry, a church, and you can't take any risks.

"I have an idea…I'll have a word with Mr. Perpetua, and he can keep a close eye on you today. What do you think?"

Abigail tilts her head from side to side, considering your proposition.

"…Okay."

"Okay. My brave little bird," You get up and softly kiss her on the forehead. "Now, shower!"

"Right!" She speeds out of the room and you decide to go and get yourself ready for the day and get started on breakfast.

The gentle buzz of the children and parents gathering around the school is the only sign of life for miles. The old, gray school building is a stunning example of gothic architecture and surrounded by hills and the same pine trees that embrace the entire town. To some people, this place would be too drab, too cold, too spooky…but to you, it was beautiful, and it was home. The only real home you've ever known.

You see Abigail to her classroom since you need to pay the front desk a visit anyway. You silently pray that Mr. Perpetua can make time for you, and that he's everything Abigail has painted him to be…

"Can I help you, [Y/N]? What a surprise to see you inside the school!" Clara, the sweet and mild-mannered secretary greets you as you approach the desk.

"If it's okay, can I see Mr. Perpetua this morning? It's about Abi…"

Clara furrows her brows before offering you a reassuring smile. "Let me give him a call. Okay?"

You nod and watch as she dials a number. "Hi, sir. I have Abigail's sister here at the desk asking if you're available for a private mee-" All of a sudden, Clara looks surprised. "Of course. Right away!"

She springs up from her desk and starts to walk you into the hallway. "He's available and has asked me to see you to his office right away! You're lucky, he's usually quite busy…"

Why is he so eager to see me? Is he worried about Abi, too?

You and Clara make small talk while you make your way through the school. The children are still arriving outside, so it's eerily quiet in the halls. You reach a large door with a steel plate on the front that reads, "Schoolmaster Perpetua". For reasons you don't understand, butterflies begin stir inside your stomach.

Clara leaves you standing outside of the intimidating door and you take a deep breath before knocking.

"Hello, Mr. Perpetua? It's [Y/N]."

You hear footsteps approach the door and slowly, it opens.

Mr. Perpetua stands before you like a spectre - so much taller than you, poised and still in a way that doesn't quite feel human. His left iris is as white as the fog that envelopes this town and his right puts the lush green of the surrounding forests to shame. He has hair as dark as the night itself, softly curled and shoulder-length. He's clad in formalwear; a silk dress shirt, thin silk scarf secured with a silver aiguillette, a velvet waistcoat and pants with pointed ankle boots, all black and fitted perfectly to his slender but masculine frame.

"Hello. I regret that we haven't been introduced, you are Abigail's sister?" He speaks softly in an Italian accent with a deep, slightly husky voice.

"Y…yes. I am." The butterflies are twisting a monsoon inside you now and you almost forget why you came here.

He smiles at you warmly, revealing his pearlescent pointed canines. "Please, come in." He extends one arm out into the office as you gingerly step inside and sit down in front of his desk.

He sits down across from you and rests his hands in his lap. "This is concerning Abigail, is that right? How can I be of help to you?" The warm flicker of his smile has burned out now and he looks at you with a stern expression.

"She's having trouble with some of the other children, one girl in particular…"

Perpetua lifts a hand to his chin as if deep in thought. "Alicia Johnson? I'm aware, yes…"

"Abigail didn't want to come to school today because she knew Alicia would be returning from her trip, and…I told her that if she could be brave for me, I'd ask you to watch over her today."

His eyes lock with yours and your gaze shifts into your lap, unable to bare your pain to this stranger fully. "She's so kind, Schoolmaster. She wouldn't hurt a fly. Not even a paper fly…" Your eyes begin to swell with tears. "She's been through so much. We've been through so much, and I can't bear to think that she has to face any more suffering."

When you look up again, his eyes are still fixed on you, now holding a sadness that they weren't before.

"I understand. That can be arranged, absolutely." He reassures you, his tone urgent.

You sniff and try to compose yourself. "Thank you, so much." Suddenly, you remember the origami bat and how Abi had clutched it in her moment of distress earlier this morning. "Oh, and thank you for the bat…it means the world to her."

"Of course. After all, she made me this…" He gets up and walks over to a bookshelf, retrieving a black origami lotus flower with a purple center.

"Oh, wow…she's so talented, isn't she?" You fawn, standing up to inspect the flower.

"She's a bright young girl, and I'll protect her. That, I promise you…"

There's something about this apparition of a man that both intrigues and shakes you to your core. He's a mystery to you, and yet, your fears and doubts have all melted away in his ghostly presence.

"Thank you again, Schoolmaster." You smile at him and receive a small nod of acknowledgement in response.

He holds the door open for you as you leave, watching you intently.

"If there's anything else you need," The tone of his voice develops an intensity that wasn't present mere moments ago. "Please, do not hesitate to call upon me."

The fog has started to disperse by the time you walk home and you gaze up at the now brighter sky threatening to open up a skylight over this sleepy town. The wind is whispering among the trees and you can almost hear the voices telling you that everything is about to change.

[petit-atelier-de-poesie]

NOTE DE LECTURE : Le muguet rouge. Christian Bobin. 2022

Christian Bobin nous offre un petit livre empreint de douceur et de mélancolie. C'est encore plus émouvant de savoir que cet ouvrage est le dernier de son oeuvre et qu'il l'a écrit alors qu'il était déjà bien malade et se préparait à la mort. 

La mort est bien le thème qui traverse ses pensées, mais avec poésie et gratitude pour cette vie d'écriture et d'humilité qui a caractérisé cet auteur. Le muguet rouge est la fleur et la couleur qui émanent de sa production, métaphores de la joie du renouveau, de la vivacité de la jeunesse, de son espoir d'un au-delà et de l'éternité que la littérature lui offrira désormais. 

Ce n'est donc pas un livre triste, bien au contraire, c'est un recueil de souvenirs, de poésie et de philosophie, où sont convoqués d'autres membres de sa famille et d'autres auteurs qui l'ont accompagné et apaisé jusqu'à cette ultime inspiration avant son dernier souffle.

[bitter69uk]

Now that 2024 is circling the drain, I’ll start regaling you with my “Favourites of the Year!” Most noteworthy passing: American author, playwright, actor, essayist, art critic and all-round bête noire Gary Indiana (né Gary Hoisington, 16 July 1950 – 23 October 2024) died of lung cancer aged 74. (As Indiana told an interviewer in 2014 “I’ve been smoking since I was practically two years old.” His brand of choice was Camel Filters. It’s amazing the dissolute Indiana lasted this long, considering his peers were people like David Wojnarowicz and Cookie Mueller). Anyway, words like “lacerating” and “scathing” barely suffice when discussing Indiana’s oeuvre. When I was in my twenties, buying each new work by Indiana and Dennis Cooper was de rigueur. (I probably purchased them at the long-defunct radical Compendium bookstore in Camden Town). I moved around a lot and wound up re-selling them to used bookstores for a pittance. Then Indiana’s books mostly lapsed out of print! (In more recent years, they’re gradually being reissued by Semiotext(e)). It didn’t help that Indiana gleefully burnt bridges throughout his life. As one of his associates noted almost admiringly, “He went through agents the way I go through t-shirts.” Some of his most noteworthy books were speculative fiction inspired by true crime figures like the Menendez brothers (Resentment: A Comedy (1997) and Andrew Cunanan (Three Month Fever (1999). (The viewers who clutched their pearls over Ryan Murphy’s recent Menendez miniseries would REALLY lose their shit over Indiana’s book. Indiana would have swooned over Luigi Mangione). For anyone interested in investigating Indiana, his memoirs I Can Give You Anything But Love is available in paperback. And his interview with Butt in July 2024 is essential. As its intro summarizes: “Gary earned his notorious reputation over the course of his unflinching, decades-long career. He writes about addiction, alienation, corruption, exploitation, obsession, perversion, power and sexuality with unfiltered candour, leaving no room for politeness … His tendency toward destructive obsession was kept in check by his brilliance, cutting humor and heart.” Pic: “Gary Indiana Veiled” by Peter Hujar, 1981.

[notbecauseofvictories]

I think I saw you shared a list of books you’d read a couple years ago and was it you who read something like 350+ books in a single year? If so that’s absolutely remarkable and I’d love to see a list of top ten (or twenty or whatever number) of books you’ve read this year that you recommend

Don't be ridiculous, I only read 303 books in 2021! That's much more reasonable than 350. And I've read fewer and fewer each year since---this year I don't think I'm going to crack 50, though I still have a couple days.

Still, always happy to talk about what I enjoyed. Books are listed in vaguely chronological order, though I make no promises.

Patricia Wants to Cuddle, Samantha Allen

I've mentioned this book before, but essentially I put in the library request solely for the improbability of the premise---The Bachelor heads to the PNW and encounters Bigfoot? Fortunately, it delivered on that promise magnificently. A breezy and delightfully gruesome little novel with a bodycount.

Are You My Mother?, Alison Bechdel

I didn't viscerally connect with this one as much as "Fun Home" but I think it might be because it's…closer to the bone for me. When Bechdel writes about the longing for a mother that can't be answered, pulling back, pleasing, an anger that becomes unspeakable, re-routed to anxiety…it's uh. well it's churned up the silt, let's put it that way.

Greener Pastures, Michael Wehunt

I love short stories, but finding those authors who hit the right notes unerringly, in such a brief space, can be tricky sometimes. Wehunt is the rare exception, strange and unique as a writer, dream-like in his descriptions and images. "October Film Haunt: Under the House" was my favorite, though I can't say for sure whether it's because I recognized the framing device or it was just fun to read…

Running with Scissors, A Wolf at the Table, Lust & Wonder, Augusten Burroughs

I read these out of order (Lust & Wonder first, then the other two) but even so, I was wildly impressed. Lust & Wonder was a revelation; I stumbled on it in the library and walked out with it the same day. No wonder people tell you to read his books, he's got such a clear-eyed meanness, an interesting sort of canniness to his depiction of himself, the people in his life…it really does demonstrate that there is no such thing as a boring life, just a boring narrator. But if Lust & Wonder is Burroughs at the height of his power, Running with Scissors and Wolf at the Table are the necessary steps up to it. More unfinished, more raw---a litany of horrors, not even leavened by that same canny, mean humor that flashes through L&W. It's just horrifically sad to watch every person around this kid fail him, leave, or both; terrifying and unexpectedly funny and yet tender as a sucking wound.

The Princess Bride, William Goldman

I picked this up entirely by chance and ended up being deeply charmed. I don't know what I was expecting---well, no, that's not true, I was expecting the film. But what I got instead was something almost real, pleasantly rough around the edges as Goldman's caustic narration winds its way from Florin to the machinations of S. Morgenstern's lawyers, to his struggles with raising his son. (One of the funniest scenes was when he goes to meet S. Morgenstern's lawyer, and the ravishingly beautiful attorney becomes a horrible old hag the more she talks about how he won't be granted a license.) I was afraid the book would be twee, but at the center of it is a pure (if slightly embarrassing, but truth generally is outside of Florin) love of stories, and wanting stories told.

In the Woods, The Likeness, Broken Harbor, Tana French

As I've said before, I started reading this series because I was traveling to Ireland and thought it seemed appropriate. I didn't go too deep into French's oeuvre, mostly because I couldn't shake wanting the books to be urban fantasy rather than gripping psychological portraits with a decidedly noir sensibility. Still, the books themselves are taut and fascinating, the portraits they paint of the Dublin Murder Squad (all of whom are staggering, wounded in their own ways) and the blighted, post-Celtic Tiger Ireland, are deeply compelling. Also, I do still think The Likeness is a perfect answer to The Secret History.

Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century, Kim Fu

There's something truly powerful in a short story that doesn't answer any questions or provide you with any sort of guidance---just walks in and rearranges your photographs so they're slightly off-kilter, leaves you with that destabilization. It's almost spiritual, that sense. In particular, there's a story in the collection about the world's sense of taste disappearing; a woman begins crafting art installations to try and recreate the experience of eating a pear, what your favorite family meal tasted like. Short stories are like that.

Perilous Times, Thomas D. Lee

I was surprised by this one. I know that's how I've described half the books above, but truly, this surprised me---not so much the rising action or plot (there's a sleeping king, knights around a table, a dragon) but I loved the setting so much. The depiction of a slightly-futuristic UK as drowning land sold off for parts; figures like immortal spymaster Marlowe coexisting with reborn Lancelot and Kay; the fay hovering around the edges; and then just….all the factions, the Welsh royalists and men's rights group propped up by military contractors; environmental activists, the references to the hodgepodge that existed in the 4th century AD too. More than anything, the novel conveyed how Britain's always been a place of change, the movement of people and permeable barriers, and that more than anything worked for me. (Also, it's a small thing but I loved how the Camelot crew translated modern concepts and objects into their language and knowledge of the world. It was always shown as hesitation rather than total shock, and I found it both moving and persuasive.)

A Cup of Salt Tears, Isabel Yap

I read this in a series of speculative novellas, which impressed on me yet again how hard it must be to write novellas. (Last year, one of my least favorite books was a novella; I still think about it with joyful hate.) However, Yap takes care to focus on single, brief narrative, concerns herself solely with the very small yet very significant issue of a woman, her husband, who and how she loves, wrapped up together with a kappa. Excellent, haunting.

Books of 2020 | Books of 2021 | Books of 2022

[weidli]

Is it ok to ask what your Bond story is going to be about? 0-0

YES OF COURSE I AM ALWAYS HAPPY TO ELABORATE ON WIPS. it's (a) fun and (b) helps me figure out what the fuck i'm actually trying to do with a certain story

ao3 draft version of The Creature currently looks like this:

(dw i have everything in a word document also. i put active wips in ao3 drafts to 1. give myself a pretend deadline and 2. so i can figure out title / tags / summary / formatting in advance)

the idea for this fic crystallized when i saw this quote:

but the main concepts i'm trying to get at in it have been drifting around my head since i first watched casino royale / quantum of solace / skyfall (only thing in spectre i found vaguely compelling were the bond/moneypenny/q interactions and i still haven't subjected myself to no time to die (even though the fact that we were doing billie eilish's no time to die is the only reason i decided to watch a james bond movie at all lmao), the dc!james bond oeuvre is an open-ended trilogy 2 Me). basically the thing is that although james bond is commonly known as Theee womanizer (this is probably completely true when referring to the earlier bonds and also the books, nothing i have heard about those makes me doubt it) ummmmm. the way the trilogy and quantum of solace ESPECIALLY handles james and sex certainly. Leaves room open for alternate interpretation.

let me elaborate.

(disclaimer: i'm a law major, probably some degree of asexual, and my favorite bond movie is quantum of solace, and all three of these things certainly show)

FIRST casino royale babyyyyy. as noted above not my favorite of the three (least favorite actually lmao) but there's various things it gets points for on my list. but what we're mainly here for is (watch out this is a sentence i will never type again) THE SEX SCENES.

(please put you know my name on now. For Atmosphere)

first interaction we see bond have with a woman in casino royale beyond like. random people who are technically also in the street he's having a standard batshit james bond chase scene in is with m and OKAY YEAH I'LL ADMIT IT i'm not entirely opposed to a romantic reading of that relationship (they're fucked up and it fascinates me. i'm predictable. whatever). but thing is what bond mostly does in this scene is sit there and look at m with big woeful eyes while she tells him to fuck off and die somewhere (three times) calls him a blunt instrument (to be fair he did just blow up an embassy) and also get out of her house and HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE ANYWAY, 007. iconic

it's a HUGELY important scene for establishing how this version of james bond works (i think about "well i understand double-os have a very short life expectancy. so your mistake will be short-lived" often) and james is vaguely flirtatious in the way he always is (i.e. in a way that mostly consists of saying things softly while looking at people the right way) and nothing comes of it all. he doesn't make any real overtures, she doesn't even take off her coat, he leaves when she tells him to.

first SEXUAL bit is solange. he DOES give her bedroom eyes as soon as they spot each other on the beach, but 1. she does it first and 2. this is already The Mission. please consider once again the luca guadagnino quote. why flirt with her? why smile? because he's attracted to her? because it's useful to have the mark's wife want him? who knows! not us! and he's definitely not going to TELL us-

Ah! Well okay then!

and as soon as she tells him the guy he's after is going to be on the last plane to miami he's like Okay i'm outta here (almost visibly turns the switch marked flirtatious and available to the off position). i mean i don't have very much experience in this whole having sexual intercourse lark but that's not really Guy Who's Really Into This Sex Thing behavior to me! he does sex the same way he does killing which is to say. efficiently and with a vague sort of disinterest the second he's not actively performing it for someone.

compare this to, for example, the Whole Relationship bond and camille have in quantum of solace. the whole thing is (as far as i can tell, deliberately) CHOCK full of parallels between the two of them, and the fact, stated in text, that camille has unenjoyable sex with people she despises for the sake of the mission, isn't exactly excluded. consider (among other moments) this:

(James voice Lol same haha)

which is almost IMMEDIATELY followed by

HAHAHA CRAZY. this motherfucker out loud calls camille basically a prostitute and then says james kills everything he touches and then says this. and then we find out that camille is also a spy and is also here to kill a man and james and camille themselves are like yeah we ARE mirrors of each other actually

PARALLELS ARE TWO LINES IT'S NOT A STRETCH TO DRAW THE SECOND ONE IS ALL I'M SAYING. there are two people in this cave and they're bonding over losing someone in a violently traumatic way and then turning themselves into a weapon as a reaction but NOT about also using sex they don't really particularly want to have as a weapon in service of the mission in much the same way as a knife or a gun? don't make me laugh . it's RIGHT THERE. it is literally RIGHT THERE. and they do all this together and nearly die together and he gives her new purpose after she does the killing she meant to do and then all they do is kiss once

that's not SEXUAL!! LOOK AT IT. that's what two people who haven't quite realized that you can touch someone without it being the prelude to fucking or killing do instead of a normal goddamn GOODBYE HUG. that's what you do when you're a damaged creature and someone who's exactly the same as you except she's gotten what she thought she wanted looks into your eyes and sees you and the only thing you can think of to do to stop her looking at you is kiss her. NONSEXUAL INTIMACY between two people who use THEIR BODIES AS A WEAPON IN ANY WAY THEY CAN BABYYYYYY.

god i love quantum of solace. anyway.

my point? i think the fact that james bond has sex on missions often and skillfully doesn't mean he enjoys it. the whole point of these movies is that he does a lot of things for the mission that he doesn't enjoy. i think a more compelling interpretation of this version of james bond is actually somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

But Elke, you say. What about Vesper? the whole POINT of Vesper's role in the story, after all, is that what he does with her ISN'T the mission, and in fact ends up running contrary to mission goals. and yet he has sex with her, long after he's left the mission behind. to quote quantum of solace:

(this is also a point in favor of my SECOND hill to die on when it comes to "things that are probably true of most james bonds but i don't think are actually true of this one", i.e. i don't actually think he gives a flying fuck about england. most of the things he does are either fueled by personal loyalty to a specific person (most of the time, m; briefly, vesper) or personal conviction that it's the right thing to do (see for example him getting mad at m in quantum of solace because he thinks she's putting england's interests over the lives of people in bolivia) i personally don't see much patriotism in it at all)

the thing about vesper is that the initial flirting definitely IS an Standard Mission Behavior thing. their first conversation is a verbal sparring match that only occasionally dips to the physical (his "every penny of it", her "your perfectly formed arse") and i'm pretty sure the sparring match aspect of it is what he finds more interesting ("skewered. one sympathizes."). yes he flirts and yes he kisses her and i think part of that really is about wanting le chiffre to think he's distracted by the pretty woman and part of that is trying to get on her good side because it's useful for the mission. and then part of it is that she's unpredictable and thus fascinating (not least because she DIDN'T immediately step into the honeytrap) and the subsequent way he acts around her is . Hm in a certain way it's playing. this middle section of the movie is about two games james is playing and one of them is the poker game with le chiffre as a worthy opponent and the other one is with her. the sniping at each other is fun! it's different! she understands him in a way other people don't! and she DOESN'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM. people wanting to sleep with him is the predictable standard outcome and she doesn't.

these movies work a lot with bond being a guy who kills people to get done what needs to be done and with how you can't really do that for very long without starting to think of yourself as a weapon rather than a person. even if it wasn't the original intention, i think a reading of the text that does the same thing with sex is DEEPLY compelling enhances the whole thing. the first scene with bond and vesper that really isn't about the mission even a little bit, the first scene where he steps out of his role as 007 for her, is this one:

(FINGERS IN HIS MOUTH FRIDAY)

which is notable 2 me for being wonderfully quietly intimate and not at all sexual about it (despite the fact that they are WET in a SHOWER and also he SUCKS ON HER FINGERS. what was that, james) and also what it's ABOUT. she's messed up over being responsible for a human being's death and he, killer of killers, doesn't ridicule it, but sits down in the shower next to her.

(they do this in a bathroom. i wonder where this james bond's first official kill canonically took place--

ah. oops. well never mind that i'm sure it's not important)

sure, they have sex later. but the first moment of actual, real intimacy is pointedly nonsexual. and listen. listen. i like to interpret bond as on the asexual spectrum, yes. but i think he really fucking likes touch, actually. i think that's what the whole thing with miss fields in quantum of solace is about, besides seducing her into letting him have a bit of leeway. the part he actually wants out of that, if he wants anything, is the one we see on screen-

sure it COULD be sexual. could also just be an excuse to touch someone he won't have to try and destroy with it afterward (and then it destroys her anyway, but that's a different essay). like god. think about it. you are a little boy in a big stone house in scotland and you love your parents and then they're gone and you go into the tunnel under the moor and you stay there for two days and then you come back out because you know you'll have to, someday, but you left your childhood buried in that dirt. and who is there after that? the gamekeeper, kincade, who you were probably close with, but when you meet him again years later you only shake hands. boarding school. the boys talk about girls, about wanting. you try it and it doesn't feel right to you, but then again nothing has, not for years. and you learn to do it, and do it well, like you do everything, because if you don't they'll remember you don't belong here. ("-and they never let you forget it. hence the chip on your shoulder.") the navy. they teach you to kill. in a grimy bathroom you hold a man down into the water of the sink, his body against yours, until he stops moving. ("not well.") you stand there. take a breath. ("made you feel it, did he?") this is what you are now. kill him a second time. kill another man without ever coming close, and starting then the only thing your body is good for-- ("as mi6 says, he's difficult to control. nice way of saying that everything he touches seems to wither and die.") -- is being a weapon, one way or another. you fall in love with her because she takes you apart and doesn't want to sleep with you, and you send in your resignation and sleep with her after all because you love her, you do, and you want to touch her forever, and you don't really mind it, if it's her. (her dead mouth under your mouth and she won't breathe--) you start killing again. you're as good at it as you ever were. one wink, and she's following you to bed. the only person you had left to trust asks you to hold him as he dies, and you do. ("that's better. that doesn't hurt.") drop the necklace in the snow. it nearly does kill you this time ("take the bloody shot.") and you sleep with anyone warm enough and let the scorpion crawl onto your hand and go back anyway, and when he ties you to a chair and puts his hand high on your thigh you say ("what makes you think this is my first time?") --

Which is to say, I have a lot of opinions about James Bond's relationship with his body and relationship with sex and relationship with autonomy, and I'm writing a substantial amount of words of fic about it. PLOTWISE the basic scenario of the fic is that on some mission somewhere, part of the plan is for James to get someone specific into bed, and then before this actually happens, she roofies him, and the subsequent sex happens while Q has some camera somewhere on them. the following god only knows how many words are about Q (who i'm writing as aromantic but not asexual in this, because i can) slowly realizing that something really fucked up is going on here, actually, and trying to fix it, and instead fucking things up harder because he underestimated the level of fucked up inside James Bond is baseline operating at, and then eventually they do figure it out and now maybe MI6 sends someone else out when they can tell from the beginning that a certain mission is going to require sex, and maybe sometimes James and Q sleep in the same bed and don't ever ever ever fuck about it. James makes scrambled eggs in the morning. The cats steal some. It works out okay, maybe.

[sea-changed]

Okay, okay, so. Just finished my first BoB watch after being a long time fan of your posts, and you’ve definitely found a fellow understander™️ to brainrot with because a lot of the points you’ve made in the past were ones I had in mind while I was watching, especially the last couple of episodes. I’d also seen your post about being “Jack Rackham 4x10 speech about BoB” and literally literally that, having also recently finished black sails. (But it’s interesting to me how in Black Sails, that moment comes at the end of the show, while BoB’s “a story is true, a story is untrue” thesis is there from even before the story starts, because the first thing we see onscreen are the old guy interviews)

Will I beat the absolute living daylights out of the 24 year old show to find meaning in corn plate details? Yes, yes I will. And by this I mostly mean the BoB gender studies seminar in my head, and its obsession with the narratives™️/asserting itself as a legitimate authority on the truth while also being aware of its own fictionality. If there’s any write ups on this besides the Emily Hoffman b(r) of brothers article, please point me in their direction because eye would like to see it

(Everything you have to say about Joe Liebgott makes me want to chew glass btw, in the best way, and I will say that he and I, at least the version you write in amazing adventure stories, are a lot alike in that the only Hebrew prayers we know off the top of our heads are the Shema and the mourner’s Kaddish)

P.S. are you familiar with the amazing adventures of Kavalier and clay at all? Because I want to lock Lieb and Joe Kavalier in a room together and see what would happen

Thank you! So much to respond to here, let me see if I can get it all:

I think constantly about the throughlines between Band of Brothers and Black Sails. I think the key difference in how they approach their own storytelling apparatus, though, is not where this thesis enters into the story but whether it enters into it. Jack, after all, isn't presenting a new idea in that speech but rather summing up a (perhaps The) theme that's been present since the first episode of the show. Whereas Band, for all that it's wonderfully fascinating to analyze on the back end, has always read to me as presenting its own narrative as accessing The Truth without a lot of selfconsciousness about the nuances of that. The veteran interviews, to me, are meant to bolster the "truthiness" of the show, not to complicate its own presentation of the "truth" or what story it's telling.

I've had very little luck finding anything intelligent about this show in the realm of media criticism; there's some mildly interesting stuff about Speilberg's oeuvre (especially Saving Private Ryan and Schindler's List) that can be extrapolated to include Band, but even that, a much more well-populated realm, I've found to be pretty sparse when it comes to interesting analysis. I've been sort of half-assedly creating a bibliography of this analysis, but the only article I've come across so far that I'd actually recommend is "Subject Positions, Speaking Positions: From Holocaust, Our Hitler, and Heimat to Shoah and Schindler's List," by Thomas Elsaesser, from the book The Persistence of History: Cinema, Television, and the Modern Event. (Obviously not about Band itself, but interesting especially vis-a-vis Why We Fight.)

(I'm so pleased people have responded they way they have to my version of Liebgott and to that fic in particular; thank you for your note here.)

And I am familiar with Kavalier and Clay! I started a reread a little while ago, I should get back to it. I haven't fully contemplated crossover fic but I really should, the possibilities are fascinating.

[sunset-telepath]

i powered through unraveled mostly out of a morbid sense of horror and disbelief and i must ask, will we ever be graced with sunset's thoughts on this magnificent and infallible work of literature?

Very bold of you to assume I have opened the cover of this brand new item in Ms. Messenger's oeuvre (or that of Stellarlune, for that matter). As a responsible critic, I cannot give a review of the book itself - but I can give a readout of my immediate emotional response to the plot points I heard from various commentators as they went chapter-by-chapter reacting to the plot of the book.

In summary, my response is also perfectly described as: "a morbid sense of horror and disbelief." Thank you for putting my immediate reaction into words because I hadn't yet. I would compare the feeling of hearing what's going on in the series to seeing a train crash into another - you know it's going to happen and yet you can't help but be shocked as the trains violently crash into each other and become crushed and wrecked.

In the same way, given the foreshadowing planted in Legacy, I had a sneaking suspicion that Shannon was going to do something with her bizarre attempt to make Alvar pitiable and pathetic with the mysterious disease. In this book we got to see the decadently indolent, utterly flagrant, and completely shameless cashing-in on this with Alvar and Keefe being best friends in the Forbidden Cities as Keefe angsts about Sophie. Now note that Alvar was one of the people who kidnapped and tortured her in the first book (if we may harken back to a halcyon (and long-gone) age of good writing) and who betrayed them in Neverseen and committed various other crimes and reprehensible actions.

But to bring this up requires us to acknowledge the swarm of chickens flying home to roost in this whole plot point - that Keefe and Alvar are treated differently by Shannon and she has basically written them a blank moral and narrative check. Characters never acknowledge or denounce them for their immoral actions - just watch how Keefe was completely forgiven after betraying them in Neverseen and after cowardly running away in Unlocked (I mean - come on - at this point, put an ankle monitor on him) and faced no serious repercussions for this. Or how Alvar was given total absolution in Flashback and Fitz was treated as crazy or unreasonable for thinking a terrorist might - gasp - commit future terrorist actions and ought to be punished and/or locked away. And how Fitz is portrayed as particularly violent/dark for not. working overtime to save the life of his terrorist brother after stopping said brother from attacking people while a larger terrorist attack was taking place. Or that Fitz was treated as some psycho in Legacy for wanting to find Alvar and finally bring him to justice - and flipping out when Sophie and Keefe upstaged him, found Alvar, and threw away all of his work to find Alvar by letting Alvar go.

I mean. what do you expect at this point? The prospect that these characters are ever going to face consequences for their actions has been vehemently rejected again and again. At some point, true shock simply isn't possible. Just a morbid sense of disbelief and a feeling of bizarre unreality.

Will I read the rest of KOTLC in the future? Probably not. I have better things to read. I think I have grown beyond it. I do, however, enjoy hearing what has happened to it - in the capacity that I need resolution to this series and I must know how something I spent years of my life obsessing over ended (though with the current pace of this series I'm fearing it may never end). And the fandom is amazing and I am deeply loving the new memes out of these scenes:

*Alvar talking about how great it is that gay people exist and matchmaking doesn't in the forbidden cities*

Keefe: I know what you are

I suppose I didn't cover my reaction to the presence of more gay people. I liked that. It's nice to finally be represented in this series. I don't really talk about it anymore, but if you want a more thorough analysis of Keefe and of the series, I can't recommend @the-way-astray enough. They are very talented and I agree with nearly all of their conclusions.

As a final note, anon, you talk in a way that's really familiar and I can't help but ask - are you a past internet friend/mutual? I have some suspicions lol...

[moments-on-film]

Moments on Film: Carmen Berzatto and Connell Waldron - Character Analysis

For the past few weeks, I’ve been a lot quieter on this site, and my analysis of The Bear, and that’s because I have been deeply engrossed in finally watching Normal People. I realize the show came out in 2020, but for whatever reason, I missed it when it was first released. Knowing that Paul Mescal has multiple films on the current/upcoming film festival circuit, All of Us Strangers, and Foe, the first of which, already garnering stellar reviews, and the latter, based on a sci-fi book of the same name, which I read and enjoyed, I decided to watch this piece of work from his oeuvre so I can better assess his range.

To put it simply, I found Normal People very compelling, moving, and heartbreaking. The acting from the two main characters is stellar. One of the other things I noticed, are the seemingly endless connections to the main characters in The Bear—in particular, Connell Waldron and Carmen Berzatto. Although these characters are different and a world apart, one in Chicago, Illinois and one in Sligo, Ireland, watching this show was like viewing many of the same problems through another character’s eyes.

On the surface, there are so many obvious similarities, (like the fact that they both religiously wear a chain necklace, Connell’s silver, and Carmy’s gold), but underneath there are multiple traits, insecurities, weaknesses, strengths, and patterns of behavior that stood out so clearly to me that I felt compelled to start writing this piece. In my opinion, both The Bear and Normal People are coming of age stories, because both feature multiple protagonists who are on a journey to discover who they really are and what actually brings them purpose, peace, fulfilment and joy. In a prior piece, I analyzed why I believe Carmy Doesn’t Know Who He Is Yet, and while the reasons may be different, the same is true for Connell Waldron. Below are several examples I noticed of the shared similarities between Carmy and Connell.

Please note: If you watch The Bear, but not Normal People, or vice versa, and you want/plan to, heart this post and come back to it after viewing to avoid major spoilers. If this doesn’t bother you, please, read on, and thank you, but I wanted to give fair warning. 🧡

Communication

Both Carmy and Connell struggle with this desperately. In The Bear, Carmy has trouble putting words to feelings, but he has them, he feels very deeply. In Normal People, Connell struggles to identify what he is feeling. These issues cause both of them, and the people in their lives, so much pain and suffering. Carmy’s life of abuse and trauma has forced him to stifle how he feels about situations he’s in, placate and appease others, and silence himself. In 1x6, Carmy tells his sister Natalie, “most of the time, I feel sort of trapped, because I can’t describe how I’m feeling.” Connell, on the other hand, is so worried about what others will think of him and his choices that he denies his true feelings, to the point where he often can’t even identify them himself. In 1x2 Connell tells Marianne that he struggles to know what he feels, “I might look back on something and think how I felt at the time, but, when it’s happening I never have any idea.” There are so many moments in both stories where one or two sentences would save them and their loved ones a world of hurt, but neither one is capable in several key moments that really count.

Crippling Indecision

Both characters suffer from this. In S2 of The Bear, Carmy is trying to straddle building his dream restaurant, and being in a relationship that is pulling him from everything he needs to be doing to open it. In 2x8, Sydney tells Carmy, “I just think you need to decide...” I have read much into this line because, due to his past, there are so many questions in Carmy’s life that he’s never been allowed to/allowed himself to explore enough to answer. In Normal People, Connell starts out not even knowing what he wants to study in college. He only comes to a decision when Marianne tells him very clearly what makes the most sense, based on her observations, and she’s right. Both of them look to the women in their lives go help them make key decisions.

Talent for Their Craft—with Barriers

Carmen is a talented and award winning chef. Before he’s left The Beef in his brother’s will, he conquered the world of fine dining. He’s risen to the top of his profession. He was even awarded the James Beard Rising Star Chef award from his time as a chef at Fairest Creatures, in Malibu and retained 3 Michelin Stars as CDC of Eleven Madison Park in New York. However, in S2, he struggles with crafting the menu for the new iteration of The Beef, The Bear. He’s torn between incorporating nostalgic dishes from his past, and new forward moving dishes created in partnership with Sydney. Connell is a talented student and sports player when we first meet him, and he goes on to be a “star” student at Trinity College, in Dublin, recipient of a prestigious scholarship, and editor of the publication of the literary society. However, in his work, (at times), as in his life, both suffer from his lack of communication. He receives a letter in response to a short story he submits that says his work “lacked a clear voice and confidence.” This problem affects all areas of his life, not just his professional one. Both Carmy and Connell’s work suffers because of their personal issues which they have yet to work out.

Soulmates

The relationships between Carmen and Sydney and Connell and Marianne have many parallels. Both couples (yes, couples) trust and confide in each other exclusively. They are each other’s confidant, and safe place. This gets tested for each couple when they are not truly honest with themselves about what the other means to them and when they let outside forces mess with their cosmic connection. Carmy ends up going out with Claire, partly due to the outside pressure from his family. Connell has a beautiful budding relationship with Marianne in the beginning of the show, but capitulates to outside pressure from his group of friends to do what is expected of him and be with the popular, but mean, Rachel. When he does this, it illicited the exact same response from me as when Carmy ditched Sydney to help Claire run an errand. Both moments had me yelling at my TV, “what are you DOING?! How could you do this to her?!” The thing is, both sets of characters have such a magnetic pull on each other, that outside forces can only penetrate for so long. Their paths are deeply intertwined. Carmy essentially asks Sydney to join him in opening a restaurant, and Sydney says yes. Marianne effectively asks Connell to join her at Trinity College, and he says yes. Both decisions will advance their relationships, personally and professionally. I must note that I don’t believe either ask is selfish. Carmy sees Sydney has talents and skills that compliment if not exceed his, and he wants her to shine. Marianne sees Connell’s talent and passion for English and knows Trinity is the best school. Another beautiful parallel is the fact that they are so deeply connected they they can literally read each other’s minds. Carmy and Sydney regularly start and finish each other’s sentences. They think alike, they dress alike. Carmy selects a chef coat for Sydney that could have been designed by her. In Normal People, Connell actually tells Marianne, “you know sometimes I felt like I could read your mind…..but I don’t know…maybe that’s normal.” Marianne stares at him deeply and pauses before saying “it’s not.” And it isn’t. These two sets of characters have a connection that is unique, special, and written in the stars.

Wasting Time with the Wrong People

Both Carmy and Connell go through trying to force relationships with other people that are just not right for them. Marianne does this too. We have not seen this yet from Sydney, but we may, as the show (hopefully) goes on. Carmy, for a variety of reasons, tries to be in a relationship with Claire. Early on, Connell succumbs to pressure to be linked with Rachel, who he doesn’t even like. Later in the show, he is in a placid and passionless relationship with Helen Brophy. Both Claire and Helen are or will be Doctors. Claire is in her last few months of residency, and Helen is at Trinity studying medicine. Neither woman is right for Carmy or Connell, which pulls them from their respective soulmates.

People Pleasing and Trouble Saying No

Carmy’s abusive upbringing has made him a people pleaser to some extent. He has had the completely arduous task of literally being in charge of managing his mother’s emotions and mood swings, as well as his brother’s. He doesn’t want to rock the boat or make people upset. This makes him say yes to people and situations he may not actually agree with and is another reason why he has trouble expressing his feelings and what he wants. This is a reason why he drops his work and Sydney to please Claire when she asks for a favor. Connell, from what we know, has a loving mother, but he is an only child and has no father, and seeks outside validation from friends. He’s very aware that his relationships are conditional and he very much goes along to get along, much to his detriment. An early example of this is when Rob asks to copy his French homework and he hands over all of his hard work without question. In the background of this scene, you can hear another character ask someone else for theirs and they give an unshakeable, “no.” Carmen and Connell struggle with boundaries that would protect them because they don’t want to risk making people upset.

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Gif source: @birthdaysentiment

Both suffer from this. Actually both shows do an excellent job at uplifting the struggles of mental health, particularly for young men. Among other things, Carmen has undiagnosed PTSD from his trauma that manifests in sleep walking nightmares and severe panic attacks. When panic overtakes him, he literally is gripped in its clutches, and can barely breathe or move. The first time we witness him having a panic attack, it’s because he gets a phone call from someone asking for his brother who doesn’t know he has died by suicide. He gets so shaken, it impacts him physically and he has to physically remove himself from the restaurant. Connell has his first panic attack the moment he experiences just how conditional his friendships truly are. In 1x3, after he finally defends Marianne, his secret girlfriend who he loves, but is unpopular, to his friends, helps take care of her and takes her home, he shows up at school the next day and is relentlessly teased. Experiencing the way his friends will just turn on him on a dime causes him so much anxiety, he has to run to the bathroom and has a panic attack in the stalls. Connell also struggles with depression after his friend, later in the show, dies by suicide. He has a panic attack, so bad, he can’t even leave the house. Unlike Carmy (so far), Connell eventually gets treatment, and we see him start to even out emotionally. It must be said that during the final panic attack we witness Carmy endure, it is the thought of Sydney that pulls him through. Connell has treatment, but he also has the support of Marianne during his most major time of need. Both turn to these women in their lives for their strength in moments of great distress.

Al-Anon / Counseling Share Session

Gif source: @birthdaysentiment

Season 1 of The Bear culminates for Carmy emotionally when he reaches a breaking point, and in an effort to get help, makes a decision to not only attend an Al-Anon meeting, but get up and share many details about his background and his brother and it becomes crystal clear how deeply his absence has and continues to impact his life. Jeremy Allen White acts this 7 minute uncut scene with his whole heart, making us feel for him in every moment. He is spilling his guts, while restraining his deep, deep trauma, sadness and pain. His eyes brim with tears the whole time, tears he has still yet to shed. In one of the final episodes of Normal People, at the recommendation of his roommate, Connell goes to a free counseling session, sits in a chair, and starts for the first time ever to truly speak his mind, including how the suicide of his friend has impacted him, what Marianne means to him, and how he hates his current station in life but feels like there’s nothing for him to go back to in his hometown. Paul Mescal, like Jeremy Allen White completely carries this scene with the power of his acting in an extreme closeup. Unlike Carmy, Connell breaks down, and his emotions gush out in free flowing sobs. Both actors make the correct decision to barely make eye contact. Sharing this much is new for them and makes them uncomfortable, so for the most part, they keep their eye-line down, but despite this, the vulnerability is palpable we can really and truly see, hear and feel all of their pain.

Coming to Terms With What They Want

Gif source: @birthdaysentiment

I think the ultimate goal of both characters, Carmen and Connell, is to decide what they want, free themselves from the expectations, opinions, thoughts, or suggestions from others, and go get it. As I said, both Normal People and The Bear are coming of age stories. Both stories highlight the transformative power of love and the confidence to make choices for yourself with that knowledge that there will be someone there to love you no matter what. For Connell, it has been such a journey for him to come to terms with the fact that writing is his true calling. In the end of the show, he has the incredible opportunity to go to New York and take his place in a prestigious MFA program. At first, he is so scared to leave. Marianne is his rock and he loves her. He’s scared to leave and be alone in a strange city without support, without her. He asks her to come with him, but she knows this is a journey he needs to go on alone and she wants to stay in Ireland and live the life she’s living. She encourages him to go, and reassures him they will be ok. In The Bear, Carmy is not at this place yet. As I mentioned earlier, I have written about how at the present, Carmy doesn’t really know who is is or what he wants. However, we as an audience can see that his gentle spirit is attracted to art, drawing, and creativity. This has been beaten out of him, but I believe art is his true calling, he’s just never been allowed to pursue it. If we get more seasons of The Bear, I hope we will see Carmy have a similar breakthrough in reigniting and going after his dreams and letting go of what no longer serves him or brings him joy. I truly believe that he and Sydney will be a part of each other’s lives no matter what. In the kitchen or outside of it, in Ireland, or away, Carmen and Sydney and Connell and Marianne are connected in ways that time and space can’t break.

There are many, many other parallels to be made in both stories (which I may continue to write about). Connell and Marianne’s stories have come to an end, as Normal People was one season, and based on a book. We know where his journey takes him, but we can only speculate where else he may go, and if he and Marianne find their way back to each other. Carmy, on the other hand, is a character on a show that hopefully will have several more seasons, so his future is unclear. I just hope he can get the help he needs to heal and the strength and support to discover who he is and what brings him joy. I hope he, like Connell, mends and maintains his relationship with Sydney no matter where life takes him, especially if it leads him out of the kitchen.

Both The Bear and Normal People are at times, beautiful, tender, heartbreaking, poignant, and hopeful. They shine a brave light on what it means to be open, vulnerable, complex, flawed, trying, failing, succeeding, and most of all, human. Both series also show so beautifully how we need community and each other to raise us up, lift us out of our darker places and reach and keep reaching for light in our lives to be our truest and best selves. As Marianne tells Connell in the final episode as both she and Connell cry, “we have done so much good for one another.” I see this in Carmen, in Sydney, in Connell, in Marianne, and in so many other characters on both shows. And in this life, at the end of the day, isn’t that the most important gift? And we each have it—the ability to change someone’s life for the better.

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