#okay enough rambling on my end
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ash and misty bcs im sorta getting back into anipoke!! feeling less nervous to post stuff from other fandoms now haha bye
#anipoke#ash pokemon#misty pokemon#pokemon#art#eughh egheghehghegehg#this is very random but i lowkey wanna watch the minecraft movie lol#okay enough rambling on my end#what are tags even for#i forgot i had a tumblr tbh#ill try to make more inside out later lol soz#my art
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bang chan ♡ one kid's room ep.04
#bang chan#stray kids#bystay#staydaily#skzco#channiesnet#mimotag#madstual#e01o#fornini#00#channie gifs to end my gif hiatus (yes it was only like 3 weeks but still. im usually always making something)#last gif is so funny to me he's so still i kept thinking the gif didn't load slkdfjds#coloring doesn't really match i think but also what the hell was the original coloring of this showwww#jype hates gifmakers confirmed#okay that's enough rambling here. yay gifs
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i love romeo and cinderella
#myansart#yoshiya kiryu#yoshiya joshua kiryu#joshua#joshua twewy#these are more implied but#neku sakuraba#joshneku#neo twewy#ntwewy#twewy#the world ends with you#neo the world ends with you#also if you’re wondering why josh is holding a heart instead of an apple well…#i like the idea of neku offering up his heart as proof of his loyalty and love to joshua. the joshua he’s come to know….#the way he breathes. the way his heart beats. the world he experiences and expands…. all of it also belongs to joshua#because his heart belongs to joshua#idk i have many thoughts related to this. lowkey worship but it also isn’t? because it’s not like neku is viewing josh as the composer#or a god like figure. it’s just joshua he wants to show his love to in an extreme way#i like that they can both be crazy and extreme lol#okay enough rambling sorry#my art#otp: trust your partner
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would you believe me if i said this is skyblock fanart 😭
explanation below for anyone interested. it's a bit long 🐖
basic explanation for people who dont go here. or the tldr: the rift is a separate dimension in hypixel skyblock where reality and time itself do not function the same. the other npcs tend to take on different forms in there. this is my interpretation of what might happen to techno if he were to travel into the rift based on some other theories about the place and my own headcanons for him
less basic explanation for the rest of you: ok so. first thing to get out of the way, the rift isnt completely separate from the main reality. SOME of your own thoughts and feelings influence the way you exist in the realm and the way the realm itself behaves. not very many people seem to take on forms ENTIRELY divorced from themselves, save for maybe enigma (we dont know who he was originally, if he was anyone at all)
but i have a theory backed up by absolutely nothing that your rift form is mostly influenced by three different things: your inherit magic, your ability to control and manipulate that magic, and your overall stability. stability will look different from person to person and you dont always know if someone is stable or not just by talking to them. even something as simple as a phobia might change them drastically. still, the rift is unstable itself, so sometimes people get altered horrifically even though they were perfectly fine
my main points of reference for this are that some of our most altered characters are some who check all these boxes, and some who are relatively normal dont check any of them. lathrop/porhtal is split into a bunch of eyes and has one human-looking form that sits motionless at the wither cage and doesnt speak. we know he was incredibly magical, eventually got a great grip on said magic, but was also very very unstable. the wizard is very magical, is a master of said magic, and is pretty well put together. he is nearly unchanged in the rift. barry is the same as the wizard but went a bit nuts before he left, so in the rift he seems just a bit... off
on the opposite side of things, maddox is someone who we are told has ZERO magic in him. the only thing that changes in the rift is the fact that his helmet is red now. kat has never shown us any magic and seems to be pretty normal, so she's also just a different color palette in the rift and happens to have a weird job
anyways back to techno. (btw if you're reading this and happen to not be a regular here this is a mix of headcanons and "canon" but im treating it ALL as real and true facts for the sake of this drawing ok). he could be one of the most magical people here... but he has no idea how to use any of it on command. if you asked him if he possessed any magic, he would say no. his healing ability, while it is VERY strong, is passive, and he was only able to gather magic during the resistance fight with the help of the wands we were given. but he was able to gather a lot of magic during that fight, concentrate it, and release it all on his own. not many people could handle that. he also worships the blood god and has its blessing, and has some connection with spirits in the form of the voices / chat / whatever you wanna call them. there might be even more to him, who knows
so that's already a setup for disaster, but what about his stability? well he's constantly followed by a chorus of thousands of voices all screaming at him and god itself might be hanging around in that mix, led a war against the server staff and a dictator that lasted for 2 years skyblock time, and did the whole potato war thing which was ~70 years server time iirc. i wouldnt really call him stable KFJHG
so what you end up with is a very violent beastly thing, nearly unrecognizable save for the fact that he's still a pig (my first point, you dont become a COMPLETELY different thing under most circumstances). i think he's entirely out of control of himself and would not remember a trip to the rift. a stability elixir might help him in terms of being more aware of himself (i think sirius really downplayed what that potion does lmao it's not just a fun drink, he wanted to guarantee himself some control over his mind while he was conducting his "business" in the rift) but there's no saving the physical form
i wanted him to be beastly to mimic what happens to "dante" in the rift (the memory of dante, it's complicated. but dante and bacte are most likely two different people who are also the same person). yeah he was a big slime in the overworld, but now he's more monstrous. he also doesnt speak, he might not have any idea what's going on. same could be said for techno in a way. of course this is related to dante, what else would you expect from me :P i want to see them fight at the colosseum so bad...
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but anyways THIS WAS SO FUN AAAAAUGH IM SO GLAD I FINALLY GOT THROUGH THIS. MY IPAD FINALLY DIED AFTER AN ENTIRE DECADE IN THE MIDDLE OF LINING IT AND I HAD TO CONTINUE ON A NEW TABLET WHEN I'VE SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE DRAWING WITHOUT A PEN... THIS DRAWING WAS CURSED KJFDHGK
here's a version without chat and the blood god so you can just see the big hog

and here's my old concept from july of last year for comparison :P
initially in the post for the old sketch i said he was based on what i think would happen if he got a hold of some sulphur. i actually think that would be about the same as his rift form because sulphur seems to do very similar things under certain circumstances. always corrupts your form, can sometimes make creatures MUCH larger (matriarch, kuudra, magma boss), heightens your magic (mage outlaw), and can make you incredibly violent (barbarian duke)
bye i hope i tricked someone into reading a really long skyblock theory post expecting more info about techno FKJHG
#RRAAAAAAAAA IM SO GLAD IM DONE WITH THIS MY FUCKING. BEAST. THE FUCING 🐖🐖🐖 THE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#uhhhh click for quality i think? it looks blurry on my end rn in my drafts#ok quick how do i clog the tags enough to where i can still be consistent on my blog but it doesnt show up in main tags#there is a whole. animation. sitting in my head okay. i know EXACTLY how he is exiting the rift portal#tbh i might make it kinda like a comic strip#i will not name any of the other staff in the post fuck you figure it out yourself KJFHDG#i dont know if i have it in me to make That many drawings without inevitably abandoning it ;-;#even if they are just sketches THAT'S A LOT#but i have to draw him again i cant just do nothing with this#do you think this is enough tags have i rambled enough#technoblade#sb#my art#LONG POST#sb lore
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Ah yes, the most straightest thing to say to someone. But jokes aside seriously though their bond is so beautiful to me.
#shouma ginzaki#takumi sumino#the hundred line#last defense academy#the hundered line defense academy#thllda#thllda fanart#my art#Shoumi#Their ship name is kinda fun to say outloud like show me like show me the way. Which is so fitting for them. :3c#I’m going to hell for this I just know it… OvO’)#God boxes of blessings changed my brain chemistry for them. I love their bond and closeness so much in that route.#I love how their bond can be read as both platonic and romantic in a way. At least on Shouma’s side.#(Mutter mutter ending 30 gives me tragic yaoi vibes in a way but maybe that’s just me ha ha… OvO’)#Like you can’t just have Takumi compare Shouma fascination with outside world to Karua in one scene and not have me go hmm okay Takumi.#I sometimes jokes to myself about Shouma having an adoration crush on Takumi mostly due to his bonds. Almost like puppy love ha ha.#Note the let’s travel world together is not one to one with actual scene it’s more like let’s get back to exploring world together.#or let’s adventure together. Still though similar vibes ha ha.#Anyway enough of my silly rambling I doubt anyone will my vision for this silly delusional ship of mine ha ha. >v<‘)
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anyone else notice patterns in the way they name their characters? cause somehow all of mine always end in the same letters and i'm not even doing it on purpose (i'm also historically bad at naming though. warden without the w.)
rowan, arden, varien.
ellana, ava, zea, vyra.
#oddly enough all the 'a' ones are my female characters#and all the 'n' ones are my non-female characters#all the 'n' ones are ocs i've actually fleshed out/made backstories for#all the 'a' ones are the ocs idk shit about#(okay maybe i know a *little* bit about Vyra but i didn't end up as attached to her as i wanted to be)#and none of this is intentional#fr though i'm so bad at naming characters lol. always in awe when people have really unique names for their ocs#i always put zero thought in and then regret it later (lookin at u rowan)#i do like varien. that's kinda neat. idk why it came to me it just did. like everything else about him apparently#anyway sorry for the rambles. my brain is mush this week and i'm not having any thoughts that actually mean something#brooke.txt
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stuck with him
#hiiii fnaf tumblr sorry I abandoned you for a while <3#I promise I didn't forget about youu u (heart emoji)#anyway this is my own au content technically!!#this is my redesigned scraptrap to fit my au also#in this au the mci souls (and evan) hitch a ride with william#rather than dumbass moltenmci which is probably true#because they tried to prevent him from escaping the fnaf 3 fire (they failed)#colored ends on the souls indicate what animatronic they came from#soul color is their eye color because im kinda obsessed with that for some reason#left to right: jeremy evan fritz cassidy susie gabriel#charlie is NOT with them because she stuck around to ensure they did their job#since they didnt shes like OH SHIT and tries to find them and gets captured by lefty and then ffps happens#okay enough rambling. time for tags#fnaf#fnaf art#springtrap#scraptrap#fnaf au#fnaf mci#fnaf missing children#william afton#fnaf susie#fnaf gabriel#fnaf cassidy#fnaf evan#fnaf crying child#fnaf fritz#fnaf jeremy#also the reason they are able to do this is because their original vessels are destroyed in the fnaf 3 fire#cw blood
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Thinking a lot of thoughts about Hornblower's relationships with Barbara and Maria as a metaphor for his larger relationship to social mobility and ambition, and I think there's actually a lot there - not sure if it was intentional, but I do think that whether intentionally or inadvertently, Forester did an interesting job with the parallels.
Quick note beforehand that some of this is based on my constant brief paging through C. Northcote Parkinson's Hornblower "biography", which, while I absolutely abhor his interpretation of Hornblower, gives even more food for thought on this point. I'm also leaning more into his interpretation of Hornblower's background and childhood, as opposed to the TV show's, so it might not work if you're coming from the TV show's perspective.
Parkinson takes Forester's comment that Hornblower was a "doctor's son" to mean that he was the son of an apothecary, rather than a physician like in the show. I'm not a historian of the period, so I would be hard-pressed to actually try to fit Hornblower's father within the 18th-century framework of medical practice, but either way, given his awkwardness around upper-class life and that he seems to have grown up in rural Kent, I think that Parkinson's claim that he was the son of an apothecary, rather than a physician, does have some reasonable foundation, or is at least equally plausible (to me) as the show's.
Hornblower struggles with poverty through most of the series, especially the first half, but even when he is barely scraping by, such as at the start of Lieutenant, this does not seem to be an abnormal state; and when he finally arrives at wealth and success, he constantly wishes to go back to the days when he was a penniless lieutenant, so from this we might also surmise that he did not come from wealth. (I'm also comparing especially to Jack Aubrey, who, while he admittedly makes a hash of coming into large amounts of money, and who also lives perfectly happily on very little, is clearly quite comfortable being the "lord of the manor" by comparison.)
One of the biggest changes in the second half of the series (from The Happy Return/Beat to Quarters onward) is that Hornblower's career comes into fruition; he becomes a decorated Captain, a member of the landed gentry, a Knight of Bath, a Peer, and finally an admiral, and marries into an enormously influential family. He's constantly in conflict about this, until he isn't: he wants to become someone powerful and important, except that he doesn't like the role once he gets it, and constantly wishes about the old days, then feels guilty for wishing for them. Most importantly, he seems to become less and less himself, his mental narrative getting more and more distorted as he tries to mold himself into the person he thinks he wants to be.
I don't think this is a particular novel interpretation, but I think that in light of this, the contrast between his marriage to Maria and his marriage to Barbara is very interesting. If he was an apothecary's son, his and Maria's marriage would make a decent amount of sense - they'd be from similar social backgrounds, and probably a reasonable match, if Hornblower's career had continued as expected. Hornblower feels comfortable around Maria at the start of their friendship and the very beginning of their marriage in a way that mirrors his comfort with the life he's living at that point - which is to say that he clearly knows and understands what's expected of him and how to interact, in clear contrast with later books. But on the other hand, for all that he originally does love Maria, Hornblower comes to find her to be coarse, unrefined, and boring, and feel that she is not good enough for the person he wants to become. It's at the point when he starts to feel that he's moved passed Maria that he begins to take on his new, ambitious, performative persona.
On the other hand, Hornblower feels stiff and uncomfortable around Barbara from the beginning of their relationship, notably for reasons of class, and even in later books, consistently sounds intimidated by her poise and upper-class untouchability. With Maria he doesn't feel enough for her; with Barbara he feels too much, an almost uncouth sentimentality. He craves Barbara's status like a man drowning, but can't hold up under the weight of what it would mean. They have very strong intellectual chemistry, but socially they are a disaster of a couple, and yet nonetheless, Hornblower continues with the marriage because it feels to him like the thing he ought to do, just as he ought to become squire of Smallbridge. He's so viscerally uncomfortable with his position in the later books in a way he wasn't even at the height of his earlier miseries, but he refuses to let himself admit that his ambitions might have led him astray.
I think it's also interesting that the relationship which Hornblower arguably finds the most fulfilling (or rather, it was written very poorly if Forester wanted to make it feel fulfilling for the reader, but nonetheless it was clearly meant to be the most fulfilling for Hornblower) is his relationship with Marie, who sits at a similar odd juncture to him. In the text, Forester says outright that Marie fulfills Hornblower's interest in upper-class women (ambition) while not intimidating him, yet still being a satisfying intellectual partner. Nonetheless, just as Marie and Hornblower can never actually end up together, Hornblower can never actually be comfortable with his position, and no matter how many times he tries to find solace in her, he is eventually forced to continue down the path that he began, making up with Barbara and fully taking up the mantle of Admiral and Peer of the Realm.
In short, I think that watching the way in which Hornblower's relationship with Maria evolves over the course of the early books and the way in which his relationship with Barbara takes up after that ends up being a very neat parallel to his own ambitions and class identity. With Maria he is at home, but bored and restless; with Barbara he gets everything that he wants, but feels like a fish out of water. I think that particular parallel is part of the particular tragedy of Hornblower - he can't ever be satisfied with the person he was, or the person he's become. But I think that adding in aspects of extreme class difference - even more class difference than the general trends of social mobility during this period - also helps to elucidate the fundamental tension which drives Hornblower forward as a character. The world he came from was too small for him; the world in which he moves now is far too big; but there's no in-between option. He has to choose what he wants to be, and sacrifice some part of himself in order to do that, and in light of this reading of him, I think that there's a lot of interesting dilemmas to be raised.
#SORRY FOR WRITING AN ESSAY ABOUT THIS I DID NOT MEAN TO WRITE THIS MUCH#clearly i need to stick myself onto doing actual academic writing so i stop writing silly essays on Tumblr Dot Com#caveat number one: i am not at all a historian i'm sure historians of this period will find a million problems with this#which i'm not saying to be coy i'm saying it because i would LOVE to understand the period dynamics of class and mobility better#(also sorry for using the word class. i know that one's on thin ice during this period)#this is to say that you have free reign to infodump about whatever historical inaccuracies i've made as much as you want#PROVIDED THAT you leave citations/recommended readings because i want to eat that for breakfast <3#i had already kind of arrived at the apothecary conclusion on my own as per irvine loudon's medical practice and the general practioner#(covers 1750-1850)#but it was not a comprehensive reading so i will have to go back and reread if i ever do anything based on that#also a lot of this class tension stuff forms the base for my bunting/hornblower fic/marxist daydream scenario#which is why i've been thinking about it too much. but we're not talking about that rn#ANYWAYS. caveat number two: i hate the way forester talks about all of the women in the books#and i hate the way parkinson talks about them even more#OBVIOUSLY they all have their own entire inner lives and also hornblower is World's Most Dishonest Narrator#so i don't trust basically anything that gets said about them#however i do think that from a literary analysis perspective (trying to make these books mean something lol)#the way in which forester specifically depicts them in the text does have something interesting to say about hornblower himself#and for the way that i personally read these books. which my interpretation is essentially the thesis of this post#that's why i personally consider them a tragedy (hornblower gives in to the hubris of his ambition)#but why you could also read them as positive (hornblower finds his place in the world against the odds)#the main issue i have with how people (at large not so much on here) often read them is that they read them in the second way#whereas i think that hornblower's fundamental flaw is that he cannot understand that ambition is what makes him miserable#and i think it would be more narratively satisfying of a positive ending if he overcame his desire for status somehow#(i do like them as a tragedy though i think they work well and are perfectly meaningful that way)#i just don't like taking them as the gospel i think you've got to grapple a little with the guy y'know. dilemma time#okay that's enough tag pontificating i'm going to run out of tag but here it is the hornblower thesis i'm going for a walk goodbye#perce rambles#percy yells at cecil scott#hornblower
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on that note!! gonna show off all the super rad merch i got here too :> <- guy who only ever spends money on books and fanmerch these days
#duck rants about something#the gl doujin i bought is SO cute im in love. i wanna draw an oc comic even more nowwwww#plus that fem renga zine is one of the most adorable things ive ever seen i need to be as shameless as that#also i ended up getting a bunch of mutsumi and mortis merch to cope with losing the yuzumoon autograph ticket raffle lol. im so jealous gah#there was a love bullet stamp rally on the first day and i was Running for it im glad i managed to finish it in timeee the art is so cute#my phone is now filled with so many kannas. and my bag also with two new kanna pins i love kanna#theres also this really super duper cute yuzur sticker set full of happy elements shaming. its wonderful#I FOUND THAT SUSIE AND NOELLE PRINT ALL OF A SUDDEN TOOOO i never see them around here im so happy#i miss you noelle#okay thats enough rambling about this from me LMAO i wonder if ygs are sick of it yet#doodle diary#kind of
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flood
~♫
#caligosto loboto#dr loboto#psychonauts#nightmaretheater#if you havent noticed i reaaally like flood by tool#this took 10 hours combined time of drawing 🕊️🕊️��️redid the sketch like 5 times lik#this is actually kind of personal to me….#as a child i had a reeaaaallly oppressive fear of my house flooding#like. i couldnt bare to hear a faucet running. thats how bad it was#all those flood damage relief commercials on tv scared me.#i very distinctly rememebr on of a house flooding thru the floor vents very quickly. and at the end the front door broke down.. scary#the psychological damage young me endured from the commercials#also ignore the wonky perspedtive on the crib i kind of exploded after trying to perspective for like an hour straight#its okay. it works. geometry is just weird in the psychonauts world#sheds a tear#oh the horrors..!.!.!!.! yipes#this is my ‘bobo exposed heart image’ to the cycle knots fanbase. real ones would know#drawing this was an experience man#thats why i vanished for a bit… sorry. ‘hey johnny got into str-‘ dont care im making a masterpiece#okay enough rambling im sorry#tips down glasses. send post
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Hey think fast! *throws this at you* fun fact I don’t really know how to draw kisses so I’m really happy with how this turned out. Btw I draw this at night instead of sleeping so the quality is…questionable
#hello uhhh lawsoppp fansss#I heard y’all are hungry🧍🏻♂️#so here’s food I guesss#sorry my writing is bad as shit but who gives af#if you can read it it good enough#okay the tags a litt dry so I’ll rant about lawsopp#bro I’ve been rereading the same fics about them on ao3 like a mad person#guys I know their interactions are literally snippets but hear me out#imagine law is stuck with the straw hat for a whole ass journey from punk hazard to dressrosa#there is in no way you can’t tell me that he’s on his last end like if not for the fact that he needs to pursue revenge he would’ve like#kill hm self#so he needs someone that’s not really all that quiet but not really all that loud yeah?#boom! we have Usopp!#like Usopp would be the one person he can rasionalize things with but also keep it fun with#like he miss his crew idk so maybe he needed it#yknow what?#I’m rambling#I’ll shut the fuck up thanks#trafalgar d water law#usopp#god usopp#one piece#lawsopp#trafalgar law
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Okay, probably not a hot take, but imma scribble about it anyway,
I honestly think Cale Hetinuse/Kim Rok Soo has chronic pain/fatigue.
Like, everybody loves the whole coughing up blood/wet meow meow thing he's always doing, but personally? People who are that nonchalant about Shit Happening To Their Body, are typically people who are waaaaay too used to Fucked Up Shit Happening To Their Body,
It's just a head canon, but as someone who is chronically in pain, I absolutely do some of the stupid shit CH/KRS does, like carrying stuff I should NOT be carrying, or continuing to Do Things even when I should be sitting and resting. I also know several people who (like me) can be experiencing level 4-5 pain and not show a hint on their face/through their actions besides maaaaybe moving a bit slower/stretching more
And we know KRS has been on his own since he was itty bitty... And then he grew up in a world hell bent on killing everyone. I can't help but think that a tiny child with no one to help him with the general cuts/bruises/little hurts of childhood would 1) have zero frame of reference for what "okay" actually looks like 2) probably has never really received medical care beyond emergency assistance (which does jack for chronic conditions) and 3) has NEVER really had someone in his life long enough for them to catch his way of coping with pain (my very close friends can hear when I'm hurting/tired, everyone else only notices if I am visibly incapacitated)
So, Kim Rok Soo ends up in a world/body that "technically" hasn't experienced his life, HOWEVER fibromyalgia and PTSD are like goddamn pb&j. It's a condition that is deeply tied to a body's stress response. And what does Cale say once he has the Heart? "I feel BETTER"
And that just speaks to me of a person who is so used to pain, that it no longer really registers... I had daily headaches for 7 years, it wasn't until I moved and got a new primary that I found out that more than 4 headaches in a month was considered a concern... I got on some migraine meds and actually stopped having that daily headache, something id just accepted as "how my body works" gone,
I personally don't consider pain at a 1-2 as particularly bothersome, it's more like a general annoyance. Onces it's up to 6-7 it's hard for me to move, and yet I often will still do so, despite the pain. It's only at 9-10 so I stop moving entirely and focus on just weathering it. Usually when that happens, I sleep so much after as my body tries to recover.
And when I read Cale, so casually continuing forward, despite the work he takes on himself, after the constant planning and prepping and ass kicking, all I see is a person who has lived so long with his body's suffering that it's just background noise. Yeah, he coughed up some blood, but the pain is back to "normal" so how can he raise a fuss? He killed 3 monsters with a dislocated shoulder that one time, this? This is easy. And despite claiming his body is weak, he refuses to truly accept the help and rest he needs because (like I used to) Cale thinks "this is just how my body works"
Sometimes, I cannot remember how I lived prior to my pain. Sometimes, I cannot imagine a world where I do not spend half the night attempting to force my muscles to relax, so I can actually sleep. I cannot imagine a world where I am able to do everything I want in a day and not collapse at the end. And I see so much of myself in how Cale continues to move despite the weight of the ancient powers, the expectations of the gods and his own personal hopes. He seems like a character doomed to continue walking, his bones broken but refusing the care because whats the point if everything still hurts the same way in the end?
Anyway, Raon should invent a cure for chronic illness and force Cale into a year long sabbatical
#trash of the count's family#lout of the count’s family#cale henituse#kim rok soo#listen okay#i am at the grocery store cafe sitting trying to recover enough to grab my 5 things and drive home#i am exhausted enough that i think i may end up in bed the minute i walk back inside my house#never have i wanted more to be able to teleport#and thus I began thinking about The Blorbo and realized... shit i am being kinda stupid#and it IS okay for me to just ficking go home and get stuff another day#i dont have to try and cram 15 things into one thing#one thing is plenty#and thus i felt like rambling about said blorbo as encouragement#but very seriously as a chronic illness girlie CH/KRS is One Of Us#i have declared him a spoonie who is in massive denial and i will not be taking any questions#load that boy down with whatever ails you#he probably has it#eventually i will expound on my Han Yoojin's leg is still fucked up but he's hiding it essay#however rn is goal: get fucking home time
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Perfectionist brain is now trying to tell me that the comment I've written, in which I've quoted back a dozen or so of my favourite parts, still hasn't properly conveyed how deeply and utterly this fic has cut me and that I need to write something more insightful about the themes of the story rather than just squeeing throughout and gah, BRAIN, stop it!! You keep doing this, and you know that's the type of thinking that ends up leaving no comment at all! I'm pretty certain the several hundred words you've left is a fairly clear sign that you loved the story, even if it doesn't live up to your ever-reachingly high standards of being able to tell them *everything* you loved and felt about it which - may I remind you, Andi - is impossible!
Man, I've kind of laughed at myself for feeling kind of guilty in the past for leaving "only" a paragraph on comment when my energy has been greatly less than my love for the fic, but that's at least understandable. Now it's getting ridiculous! "You're quoting so much so you don't have to put in the effort of writing something that engages more deeply with the story's themes and is actually meaningful--" Oh, come on, brain, can you be a bit kinder to me, please? You don't think that when you *get* a comment, do you?! You'd be delighted! So can you please just leave me alone and stop telling me I'm doing things wrong!!
#Ooof#Personal#Brain is on the whole doing better than it was a few weeks ago!#Hooray for meds!#But I've noticed this kind of thinking creeping back in and this just was the limit#I've gone back and checked and my comment was over 1000 words in the end XD#And like - come on Andi. That's *more* than good enough by anyone's standards 😭😭#Sighhhh#It's not as bad as that time I abandoned a fic that I was absolutely loving to pieces because I wanted to comment on every other line and#doing that was too much but I just couldn't switch off the part of my brain saying ''this is comment-worthy and you wouldn't want them not#to know that right? And if you don't comment on this bit but do on something else they'll think this bit isn't as good and it is.''#But boy if it isn't treading the line in getting there#Ughhh#Usually I'm pretty okay at reminding myself that ''good is better than an abandoned perfect''#But it's harder to believe that when you're doing something for someone else simply because you *want* to idk#Anyway#Big ramble#I'm okay#Just really tired of being a perfectionist sometimes 😅😅#Wsb
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Sorry Five I'm getting into a thing which means you're getting put into a situation related to said thing!
I love putting him in situations. I'm so sorry Five the horrors are probably kidnapping you again and you're going to get along with unconventional beings and not know why but roll with it anyway
@lieutenant-fred I am blaming you for getting me interested originally in this stuff I've been slowly looking into it (when I rember n have the time in between bugging the weapons lol) (playful)
#Opal speaks#Alton Towers here I come properly this time. I've osmosised some things n have a surface understanding but I'm heading to the deep now#Five has this odd thing where he seems to get along with The Horrors or unconventional/powerful or weird beings#And either doesn't realize anything is amiss or is the only one who gets along with said thing out of the blue#But doesn't find out until later. He's awkward but kind n tends to just roll with whatever takes a liking to him#Unfortunately it's the powerful or scary or deity things that take a liking to him. No he doesn't know why and he stopped questioning it#Often times he just thinks he's hallucinating until something drastic happens. He talks to his hallucinations anyway as a coping mech so..#There's not much a difference until 'Oh. Oh that. That th-thing is r-real. and it is talk-king to me. Oh no. This is f-fine--'#He's my favorite lil guy so unfortunately as I properly dive into AT he's going to end up in a situation related to it#Sorry Five that sometimes when you have a bad episode you fall through realities and dimensions unintentionally if it's bad enough#Works out for me though bc that mean I can put you in almost anything I want for a brief time and it still be canon to you!#I promise he'll be (mostly) okay#Anyway ramblings over I'm normal. He's my favorite OC I can't be normal about him#I'm gonna end up making guys based off rollercoasters soon aren't I? If I do then I KNOW I'm in too deep to go back lol
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okay but Sirius who has a blind spot the size of Russia for Regulus. Like, guys it's not his fault if he's supporting Voldemort, it's our family's. It's not his fault if he's turning into a Death Eater, it's because of who he's hanging out with. It's not his fault if he's getting sucked into a blood purist cult, it's because he's too soft, too kind, too naive, too stupid to push back against what they've been taught. He's a good person at heart, Sirius swears, and makes excuses.
But also, Regulus having an equally Russia-sized blind spot for Sirius. It's not his fault if he's getting distant, it's because he's alone in Gryffindor without support. It's not his fault if he's questioning everything they know is true, it's because of his so-called friends. It's not his fault if he's becoming a blood traitor, it's because of the mudbloods and the half-breeds and the blood traitors and fucking Potter. Regulus arguing with his parents for the first time because they can't disown Sirius it's just letting them win and we can't let them keep Sirius.
Sirius distancing himself more and more from his family the more hateful Regulus gets (look at what they're doing to his brother!) and Regulus growing into more and more of a blood purist the more Sirius distance himself (they're stealing his brother, they need to get rid of them!).
And neither of them realizes it either.
#hp#rambles of my soul#tbh i do see them as being really close as kids#regulus getting upset when he can't go to hogwarts with sirius#and then getting angry and jealous when sirius comes back and he has (internal gag) friends#like he's he not enough? why would sirius need them when regulus is right there?#regulus never grew out of feeling replaced bc his brother got friends: the family drama#sirius is so annoyed bc he doesn't understand what's regulus' problem is#so he spends more time with his friends bc regulus is not fun to be around anymore :/#so they end up never getting close again bc too much resentment and 0 communication#although a regulus lives au where he has to confront the fact that he lost sirius bc of his own actions would be pretty funny#like uuuugh okay he can come to term that he was wrong about the blood purist thing sure fine no problem#but now he has to (UGH) play nice with his brother's friends to get something of a relationship with him back???#the horror he would have rather died actually#anyways#it's 4am i'm rambling everything's fine#regulus black#sirius black#hc
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finished reading Be Kind, My Neighbor last night...
this was genuinely such a good read i have. so many emotions about it. i don't even know how to describe how i feel, i just know i loved reading it and i will think about this book for weeks
#the way everything in the story just. hit me when i got to the end#the realization of what. Everything. truly meant#i think i almost cried a couple times but it's okay that just means the story was so good that it touched me enough to do that#miles rambles#be kind my neighbor#bkmn#yugo limbo
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