#okay from sketch to lined to color...

[itisaterriblelove]

TYLER ISABELLA MCCLAIN. She was wearing some jeans that made her ass look perfect and an oversized hoodie that screamed she didn’t really care whether she looked hot or not. This girl was my walking wet dream—From the way she moved, to the sound of her voice, the shape of her body, the taste of her lips. Everything about her was coming up perfect and it was really throwing me off my game. 

Usually at this state in a relationship, I was finding those little imperfections that spoke to me about why being single was better. Which made me seem like a complete asshole, I fucking realize, but the truth was that I had never had a bad break-up in my entire life. So that had to count for something. 

Every single one of my exes was still my friend, at least on some level, and it wasn’t even weird. I sure as shit wasn’t spending my Friday nights with them, but hey, I wouldn’t duck and run if we ran into each other on the street either. 

Still, though, Tyler outclassed my exes by about a thousand miles. There was just something about her that left me a little bit breathless. And, yeah, okay, that worried the shit out of me. But I was trying to take it in stride.

I plopped down into the chair beside her and rested my elbows on the round table in front of us with a sigh. “Please tell me you come bearing Government notes?” I shot a pleading grin at her, then leaned over to drop a quick kiss on her lips. It was stupid—that kiss part—not because it was weird to kiss my girlfriend. But because I’d done it just to send a message, and I knew it.

Tyler had walked in to the tail-end of a dress rehearsal for the band, and there was some niggling cave-man part of me that wanted Dade and the other guys to know that Tyler was my girl. It became stupider once you knew that Dade was still in high-school and definitely not any competition for Tyler’s affection, and worse because everyone already knew we were dating. But I had seen the way that the drummer could sometimes look at her. And, hell, I couldn’t say I blamed him. But still.

I had never been the jealous, territorial type in my entire fucking life. For some reason being with Tyler was starting to bring it out in me.

Or maybe there was some merit to the idea that people got crazier as they aged. Who fucking knew.

“Like I would leave you stranded.” She shot a smile at me that practically made me feel lightheaded. Damn but this girl was beautiful.

Tyler pulled up her messenger bag and flipped it open, searching through for her notes. They were color-coded and easy to follow, which made understanding what the hell was going on a hundred times easier than the textbook.

“You’re my lifesaver! You know that, right?” I almost kissed her again, but I reigned in the urge at the last second. I really did need those damn Government notes. I’d skipped the lecture to make rehearsal, and I already wasn’t doing so hot in that class.

It was the only class that Tyler and I shared, because she was an underclassman and I was an underachiever. It was also how we’d met. I’d sat next to her—for obvious reasons—and she’d taken pity on me once she saw how much I seemed to hate it; after that we became study partners.

Okay, maybe I had ulterior motives from the beginning but she doesn’t have to know that. She really was helping me pass the class. And that was something I definitely needed if my parents were going to continue to float my ass through college and pay my rent for me.

I recognized I was living a spoiled kid’s dream life, and I embraced it for what it was. One day R!OT would have a record deal and I’d be a famous guitarist, living off of a tour bus, and seeing the world. Shit, every asshole who could strum a guitar in the world probably thought the exact same thing. But this band was the real deal and, honestly, it was only a matter of time with us. We all knew that.

A matter of time and my baby brother finishing his business degree so he could properly manage us. Adam was only about a year out from that goal and making it all happen, and then my life could really begin. I was counting down the days on my calendar.

Until then I planned to milk this college thing for all it was worth with my General Education major and my mediocre grades. I was only mildly fucking ashamed of this, and only sometimes. Every other day of the week it was just something that I shrugged at. Garrett and Amy—my parents—had tolerated my rock-star ambitions only so far, and then they’d made me promise to try the college thing before making up my mind. 

I loved them, but they just didn’t fucking understand.

Tyler grinned at me as I flipped through the two pages of her handwritten notes, skimming over her neat handwriting. “Thank you, Ty.” I shook my head at her to emphasize how much I meant it, and she shrugged like it was no big deal. “How was your day?”

She grabbed her coffee and sipped from the cup, hesitating before she answered. Which told me more about her day than anything else. “It was fine.” She tried to smile but it didn’t quite meet her eyes, so I knew something was up.

“Uh-huh.” I wasn’t really one to press a point, especially if someone seemed not to want to talk about something. But I’d had more than enough girlfriends in my lifetime to know that wasn’t always the right move. Most of the girls I’d dated in the past liked to have information pried from them, with a lot of questions and prodding and shit. Tyler wasn’t one of those girls, though. She wasn’t anything like that. So I deliberated for a moment before deciding that I genuinely wanted to know.

If something was bothering her then I wanted to hear about it.

“What does fine mean? Looks like you’ve got something on your mind.”

She smiled again, but this one was better. A lot less forced. “Yeah.” She put her coffee on the table and leaned back in her chair, stretching. “I got partnered with this asshole for a Biology project. So I’m not too thrilled about that.”

I wasn’t a rescuing damsels, macho kind-of guy… So it took me by surprise when my first instinct was to feel a little ruffled on her behalf. But, shit, honestly I’d never heard Tyler complaining about anyone before. She was so easy-going, so completely uncomplicated. Very live and let live. So this was new.

I must have had some kind of expression on my face because she quickly amended. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.” And then she shrugged, so I figured she probably didn’t want to delve into details about it.

“That sucks, baby.” I commiserated, because one of my exes—Jamie Lynn—had told me that sometimes a girl just wanted to be heard. Whatever the fuck that meant. “So did you hear any of the set?” I tactfully changed the subject. “How’d we sound?” 

“Yeah, I did,” she grinned, adjusting her messenger bag and dropping it back to the floor at her feet. “You guys sound amazing. I’ll be the first in line to get my CD signed, knocking fangirls out of the way so I can get to Aidan.” She chuckled and I shot her a glare, my mouth dropping open at her teasing.

“Hey, now.” I clutched at my chest in mock-pain. Aidan was the lead guitarist, my roommate Clay was bass, and I filled in the gaps. “That hurts, girl.” 

Tyler chuckled. “I meant Cressida. You know, since she’s got the best hair and all.”

It was a running argument in the band over who had the best hair… One that Tyler damn well knew about. And it was definitely me, by the fucking way. My hair was this awesome sandy blonde storm that curled when it was long and waved when it was short, and was fucking softer than a teddy bear’s. So fuck you. But yeah…

I shook my head at Tyler and blew out a slow breath. “We might have to break up.” 

Cressida’s hair was always dyed a new color every time I looked at her, and it was all right, but it wasn’t as cool as mine. She liked to roll tape on her microphone that matched her hair color, and I thought that was just showing the fuck off. But whatever.

Tyler laughed harder and leaned over to wrap her arms around my neck. She tried to kiss me but I dodged, fighting back a smile, so she just peppered my face instead.

Damn but this girl was cute, and I could not stop noticing it for the fucking life of me.

[wammypilled]

If you have forgotten how to have fun, well, I'll show you

[theladysherlock]

Trying out a new rendering style with my best boy Ethan!

(click for proper colors, tumblr nerfed them for some reason)

[iris-qt]

between the lines

a very inconvenient discovery

You don’t realize what you’ve done until you’re halfway through your second class of the day and open your notebook to find...

Not your handwriting.

Not your diagrams. Not your very specific color-coding system. And certainly not your very dramatic drawing of Professor Binns mid-lecture, labeled “Sir Snooze-a-Lot.”

You stare at the page. Then flip. And flip again.

Oh no.

You’ve taken someone else’s notebook.

You never make mistakes like this. Your entire personality is built around being the girl who does not make mistakes like this. The girl who labels her tab dividers and rewrites her notes in neat, margin-aligned bullet points.

And now you’ve accidentally stolen someone’s entire academic life.

You're about to panic when a small ink blot in the corner of a page catches your eye.

It’s not a blot. It’s… a doodle?

Of a plant. One you recognize from Herbology drawn with an almost obsessive attention to detail, like someone who secretly loves the subject but doesn’t want anyone to know. Cute. Kind of nerdy.

You flip again.

Another page. Another harmless doodle.

You squint. There’s writing next to it, a scrawled little annotation that reads: cold in the library again. she never brings a jumper.

Your stomach does something weird.

You turn the page one more time.

It’s a sketch of… you.

It’s not a masterpiece or anything, but you recognize yourself immediately: the curve of your cheek, the way your quill rests against your lower lip when you’re thinking. There’s a tiny label under it, scribbled like an afterthought:

"Library girl."

You slam the notebook shut, face hot.

Okay. So.

You’ve just accidentally discovered that someone, an anonymous, emotionally repressed someone, has not only been sketching you in their notes… they’ve noticed things. Like the fact that you’re always cold in the library. Like the way you sit. The way you—

Oh Merlin.

Who does this belong to??

You think back to that morning. The rush of class. The pile of identical-looking notebooks on the desk in the library.

There’s only one other person who sits near you there. Always. Like clockwork. Never speaks. Just reads quietly in his perfect posture and his perfect jumper and his perfect bloody bone structure.

Theodore Nott.

You nearly fall off your chair.

Because if this notebook is his...

You look down at the cover. Nothing. Not a single identifying mark.

Of course. He would be mysterious about it.

You spend the next three hours spiraling.

Maybe, hopefully, it wasn't Theodore Nott’s? What if it is his and he finds out you saw and... Oh no.

He’s going to hex you.

You clutch the notebook like it’s about to self-destruct. You need to return it. Quietly. Discreetly. With as little eye contact as possible. Preferably while pretending you’ve seen nothing at all. Unfortunately, fate (and Theo Nott) are not that kind.

Later that evening. The library.

You slip into your usual spot and there he is.

Seated across from you like always, looking calm and composed and terrifyingly unreadable. His hair is a little messy, like he’s been running a hand through it, and his tie is slightly askew in a way that shouldn’t be attractive but absolutely is.

Your eyes meet.

Something flickers in his.

He looks down at the desk in front of him… where he has your notebook. Oh no. He knows.

You hold his notebook out toward him like a peace offering, trying not to die on the spot. “I, um— We switched. Earlier. I think.”

He doesn’t say anything right away. Just takes the notebook from your hands and flips it open. Your face burns in mounting horror as you take your own notebook back and see that he dog-eared a page where your very detailed to-do list included:

Finish Transfig essay

Ask Theo Nott what his problem is

(or if he just hates me personally???)

(he’s hot tho. unfortunately.)

“You read it,” he says, voice low and maddeningly calm, snapping you back from your brief paralyzation of horror.

“Did not,” you lie immediately.

One of his brows lifts.

Your face burns. “Okay, maybe a little. But like... casually.”

He leans back in his chair, studying you. “You read this casually? Was it a casual read for you?”

You fidget. “I didn’t mean to.”

There’s a long, awful pause. Then, softly and unexpectedly, he says, “I thought you’d be mad.”

You blink.

“What?”

“I thought… you’d be freaked out.” He taps a finger lightly against the edge of the notebook. “That I drew you. That I notice things.”

You stare at him.

“Theo,” you say, voice too high. “You drew me like a Victorian botanist in love. I’m not freaked out. I’m flattered.”

He gives a quiet huff of laughter, then looks down, shy, almost. It's disarming. You reach for your own notebook again, flipping it open and finding a new note on the inside cover. In that familiar sharp script:

“You looked cold. I’ll bring a jumper next time.”

You glance up.

He’s already pulling off his jumper and sliding it across the table to you.

[mahalachives]

Part 7: The Shadowsinger and The Lost Princess

Note: This chapter runs approximately 6k words and primarily follows Azriel's perspective. His viewpoint tends to be more introspective and serious compared to our female protagonist's lighter, more humorous tone.

Azriel x f!reader

Genre: fated mates, rom-com, crack humor, eventual angst, eventual smut

Summary: Azriel never expected to finally meet his mate and to be… this.

A walking disaster with a talent for tripping over air, an uncanny ability to charm even the grumpiest Illyrian, and a knack for throwing herself headfirst into situations that require his immediate intervention.

She is warmth where he is shadow, laughter where he is silence. And worst of all? She makes him smile without trying.

Azriel, Are you Okay? - Masterlist

Azriel slipped through your apartment window with practiced silence, the pre-dawn chill clinging to his Illyrian leathers. Your sleeping form remained undisturbed, face finally peaceful after hours of fitful dreams.

She glows in moonlight, his shadows cooed, curling protectively around his scarred hands like living ink. Our heart. Our starlight.

He watched the steady rise and fall of your chest, allowing himself this rare moment of unguarded observation. The memory of your nightmare lingered—how you'd jolted awake, eyes wild with fear as you'd gasped about assassin geese between broken sobs. He hadn't laughed when genuine terror had shaken your frame, when you'd looked at him with such vulnerable relief as he promised to stay.

One shadow, more daring than the rest, caressed your cheek with gossamer gentleness. You smiled in your sleep, turning toward the darkness as if welcoming an old friend. Your fingers reached out unconsciously, brushing through the living shadow as it preened at your touch.

The familiar scent of Velaris dawn drifted through the window—salt from the Sidra, fresh bread, and that indefinable magic that clung to the City of Starlight. Rhysand would be expecting his report. Still, Azriel hesitated, caught between duty and desire.

With silent steps, he moved to your kitchen—chaotic in a way that spoke of your personality; spice jars organized by color rather than name, half-finished sketches of constellations pinned to the walls, a mug collection featuring the phases of the moon.

So different from his methodical quarters, yet somehow... home.

Azriel gathered ingredients with efficiency; loose-leaf tea from the Night Court highlands for your hangover, fresh bread from the baker who opened before dawn, honey from hives near the Rainbow. His scarred hands moved with surprising tenderness as he arranged everything, then wrote a note in his precise, elegant script.

Tell her our whispers miss her voice, a shadow pleaded, curling around his wrist like a lover's touch. Tell her we count heartbeats until we return.

"She doesn't need to know that," Azriel murmured, though his lips curved into what was almost a smile.

One final glance at your sleeping form—memorizing the way your fingers clutched the blanket he'd drawn over you hours before—then he slipped through the window.

His wings unfurled with a soft leathery snap as he launched toward the House of Wind, the first golden rays of dawn illuminating the tattoos etched across his powerful wings.

Azriel landed on the balcony with barely a whisper of sound, wings tucking tight against his back. The mountain residence was typically silent at this hour, most of its inhabitants still sleeping off the previous night's celebrations.

Today was different.

"Either very early or exceptionally late," Rhysand drawled from where he leaned against the stone balustrade, steam rising from the mug of tea cradled in his hands. Despite the casual stance, tension lined his shoulders.

"I wasn't aware I had a curfew," Azriel replied, his voice neutral even as his shadows swirled more rapidly around him.

He's been waiting hours, a shadow informed, brushing against Azriel's ear. His mind churns with fragments of memory. Something important. Something about her.

"How is she?" Rhys asked as they walked into the House, footsteps echoing against ancient stone.

"Sleeping," Azriel answered simply. "She had nightmares."

"So you stayed the night," Rhys said, those violet eyes—assessed him with uncomfortable thoroughness.

For centuries, they had trusted each other with their lives, had fought side by side, bled together. Yet in this moment, an unusual current ran between them, electric with unspoken implications.

Rhys led them to his private study, sealing the door with powerful wards that shimmered briefly—midnight blue threaded with silver—before fading into the ancient wood.

Old magic, his shadows hissed, recoiling slightly. Blood-deep protection. Secrets meant for family alone.

Rhys withdrew a small carved star from his pocket, its edges worn smooth by time and touch. "Do you remember when we found her in the archives? How she literally fell into our lives?"

The memory tugged Azriel's lips into the faintest smile.

"Something about her felt familiar," Rhys said softly, turning the star between his fingers. "Last night, as she stood beneath the stars, it finally clicked."

"Under the Mountain," Rhys continued, darkness flickering in his eyes at the mention of that cursed place, "my father had an affair with a noble from the Dawn Court. When she became pregnant, he banished them both—threatened worse if they ever returned."

"You believe she is that child," Azriel said, his face impassive despite the storm brewing inside him.

"I know she is," Rhys corrected, violet eyes burning with certainty. "Years after their banishment, they returned. I encountered her on a balcony. She couldn't have been more than five or six.”

Rhys's gaze turned distant, seeing beyond the walls of the present. "She looked up at me with those eyes—and called me 'brother.'”

Your mate carries royal blood, his shadows whispered with reverence, swirling faster. Night Court power runs in her veins.

"Her mother found us together and was enraged," Rhys continued, a muscle ticking in his jaw at the memory. "Afterward, I think my father altered my memories to forget her. And Az," his expression intensified, "I believe he tampered with her mind as well. For some purpose that remains unclear."

Rhys tapped his fingers against the carved star. "When I reached toward her mind last night, I felt scars. Old ones. The kind of psychic damage left by brutal memory suppression."

We will shield her from the pain of remembering, his shadows vowed fiercely, wrapping tighter around Azriel. We will cradle her heart through the storm of recovered memory, catch each tear before it falls.

"She doesn't know," Azriel said, not a question but a statement of understanding.

"No. That prick was thorough when he wanted something erased." Rhys's expression tightened with familiar pain. "Feyre believes she can help restore whatever memories can be salvaged, if she's willing to try."

"The mating bond," Azriel finally voiced what had been growing inside him since the day you'd tumbled into their lives.

Destined since before your birth, his oldest shadow declared with certainty. Written in the fabric of fate. The shadowsinger and the lost princess.

Rhys stood, moving to the window where dawn had fully broken over the jagged peaks surrounding the House of Wind. "She deserves to hear this from me. To understand her heritage, her birthright. And to know that someone—that bastard—tampered with her mind."

"When?" Azriel asked, the single word carrying the weight of decades of patience.

"I don’t know," Rhys said firmly. "I need to gather what evidence remains, to consult with Feyre and Amren. I want answers to offer alongside revelations."

Azriel nodded once, shadows swirling protectively around him as if preparing for battle.

We will be there, they promised in unison. To catch her if she falls into darkness, to light her way through forgotten memories.

"I won't speak of this," Azriel promised, the vow binding him as surely as any magic.

Relief softened Rhys's features. "Thank you, brother." He hesitated, then added, "And Az?"

A knowing smile tugged at Rhys's mouth. "This changes nothing between you and her. She's still your mate."

"Although," Rhys added with a flash of that wicked humor that had survived even Amarantha's tortures, "perhaps delay the mating ceremony until after the family reunion? I'd hate for my first official act as her brother to be standing at your altar."

He speaks true, his shadows agreed, almost laughing in their delight. But we have already claimed her soul as ours. As she has claimed yours.

Against his will, Azriel's lips curved upward. "I make no promises," he said dryly.

"Fair enough," Rhys conceded with a short laugh. "But if you're planning to court my sister properly—and I know you well enough to know you will—you might want to explain why your shadows seem so besotted with her. They're practically singing around you."

Tell him we adore her, his shadows insisted, dancing through the air between the brothers. That we would unravel the stars to keep her safe. That we recognized the night in her soul before either of you could see it.

"They recognize what she is to me," Azriel admitted quietly. "And perhaps what she is herself. Even before we knew her blood."

Our mate, his shadows chorused with absolute certainty. Our heart. Our home. Our eternal starlight.

Waking up with a hangover in the Night Court was a special kind of torture.

First, because the world’s most vibrant city looked even more obnoxiously cheerful when your head was pounding. Second, because memories of the previous night tended to return in excruciating, mortifying detail.

You groaned, burying your face deeper into your pillow as flashes of the River House party crashed through your mind like a stampede of particularly judgmental, overly-enthusiastic elephants.

The table.

The speech.

The falling.

The… Azriel catching you.

Mother above.

You had called Azriel’s face nice.

In front of the entire Inner Circle.

With dramatic hand gestures.

“Just kill me now,” you moaned into your pillow, wishing the mattress would do you a solid and swallow you whole.

Your head throbbed as you cautiously cracked open one eye, squinting against the morning light filtering through your curtains. The room swam into focus—your dresser, your bookshelf, your—

Wait.

You froze, blinking rapidly as your gaze landed on the chair beside your bed.

Empty now, but… pulled away from your desk. Positioned as if someone had been sitting there. Watching over you.

The memory crashed back with the gentleness of a brick to the face.

Azriel. Here. In your room. All night.

You sat up so quickly the room tilted, your hangover protesting the sudden movement with a fresh wave of nausea.

“Azriel?” Your voice came out as a raspy croak.

Silence answered.

You scanned the room, but there was no sign of the shadowsinger. No lingering whispers of darkness. No winged sentinel brooding dramatically in the corner.

Just your room. Your quiet, empty room.

“Oh thank the Cauldron,” you muttered, flopping back onto your mattress.

And yet…

A strange pang of disappointment flickered in your chest.

You shook it away, chalking it up to residual delirium. Obviously, you didn’t actually want to face Azriel after last night’s disaster. Obviously, it was a relief he’d left before you woke up. Obviously, you didn’t miss the quiet, reassuring presence that had chased away your nightmares.

A splash from across the room drew your attention.

Gregory circled his bowl with unusual vigor, his tiny fish body practically vibrating with what could only be described as judgment.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you told the fish. “I know exactly what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong.”

Gregory bubbled in response, looking smug.

You groaned and dragged yourself out of bed, shuffling toward the washroom. “I am not having a debate with a fish. Not today. Not with this hangover.”

But as you reached for the washroom door, something on your kitchen counter caught your eye. A steaming mug.

You froze.

Next to it was a small plate with what appeared to be freshly baked bread, a jar of honey, and—cauldron save you—a note.

Your heart stuttered In your chest as you approached, half-convinced you were still dreaming. The tea was perfectly brewed, still hot. The bread was warm to the touch. And the note…

You picked it up with trembling fingers, recognizing the elegant, practiced handwriting immediately.

Tea for the headache. Bread for the stomach. I'll check on you this evening. —A

P.S. No sign of assassin geese. Your apartment is secure.

Your brain short-circuited.

Azriel had made you tea.

Azriel had brought you bread.

Azriel had apparently prepared breakfast, and left it for your pounding headache and embarrassed soul.

And he’d referenced the assassin geese.

You stared at the note, reading it over and over, looking for some hidden meaning, some clue to the enigma that was Azriel’s feelings.

But there was nothing else. Practical. Thoughtful.

And absolutely maddening.

“Gods, he’s impossible,” you whispered, even as your traitorous heart warmed at the gesture.

Gregory swam another judgmental loop in his bowl.

“Oh, shut up,” you told him, but there was no heat in it.

You sank into a chair, cradling the mug between your palms, letting its warmth seep into your skin. The tea was perfect—a blend of mint and something else, something that seemed to lift the fog from your mind with each sip.

As you bit into the bread, drizzled with just the right amount of honey, you couldn’t help but wonder—how did he know this was exactly what you needed? How did he know the precise remedy for your aching head and bruised dignity?

You traced the edge of the note with your fingertip, a small smile tugging at your lips despite yourself.

Maybe—just maybe—you weren’t the only one falling.

You’d managed to pull yourself together enough to face the world—or at least, the small corner of it that was the Botanical Archives. Work seemed like the safest option, a place where you could hide among the dusty tomes and pretend that you hadn’t made a complete fool of yourself in front of the entire Inner Circle.

The hangover tea had worked wonders, and by the time you arrived at the archives, your headache had receded to a dull throb rather than the pounding war drums of earlier.

You slipped through the heavy oak doors, breathing in the comforting scent of old books and pressed flowers. Safety. Normalcy. No brooding shadowsingers or concerned High Lords or cackling Cassians.

“THERE SHE IS!”

You nearly jumped out of your skin as Lira’s voice echoed through the archives, earning a sharp hiss from the head librarian.

So much for safety.

Lira bounded toward you like an overly enthusiastic puppy, her eyes gleaming with unholy delight.

“Lower your voice,” you hissed, frantically glancing around to make sure no one else was witnessing your arrival. “I’m trying to maintain a low profile.”

“After last night?” Lira snort-laughed. “Honey, you have no profile left. It’s gone. Obliterated. Crushed beneath the weight of your turkey-leg battle reenactment.”

You groaned, sinking into the nearest chair and burying your face in your hands. “How bad is it?”

“On a scale of one to catastrophic public humiliation?” Lira plopped down across from you, her grin far too wide. “Let’s just say the High Lord has already commissioned a bard to compose a ballad. He’s calling it ‘The Lady and the Drumstick: A Tragic Romance.’”

“You’re joking.” Horror crept through you.

“Only about the title,” Lira leaned forward, lowering her voice conspiratorially. “But seriously, the entire Night Court is buzzing. You called the Spymaster ‘emotionally constipated’ to his face. In front of everyone. While wielding poultry.”

“End me,” you moaned. “Just… end me now.”

“No can do. I need to see how this plays out.” Lira tapped her fingers excitedly against the table. “Especially since I heard a certain shadowsinger carried you home like a maiden from the fairytales of old.”

You peered at her through your fingers. “Who told you that?”

“Mor sent a messenger at dawn, practically incoherent with excitement.” Lira leaned forward, eyes gleaming. “So tell me everything. Did he tuck you in? Did he kiss your forehead? Did he leave a rose on your pillow?”

You bit your lip, weighing whether to confess the truth. Lira would find out eventually—she always did—and maybe talking about it would help you make sense of the strange, fluttering feeling in your chest whenever you thought about Azriel’s note.

“He… stayed,” you admitted quietly.

Lira’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. “HE WHAT—”

“SHHHH!” You glanced nervously at the librarian, who was now openly glaring in your direction. “Not like that. He slept in a chair. Because I had a nightmare. About geese."

Lira stared at you, processing this information with the careful consideration of someone trying to solve a particularly complex puzzle. “Let me get this straight,” she said slowly. “Azriel, the most feared warrior in the Night Court, the shadowsinger whose name makes grown males cry, slept in a chair next to your bed… because you had a bad dream about birds?”

When she put it like that, it sounded absolutely ridiculous.

“They were assassin geese,” you clarified weakly. “With tiny daggers. And little cloaks.”

Lira’s face went through a fascinating series of expressions before settling on pure, undiluted glee. “That… is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s not cute!” you protested. “It’s weird and confusing and—”

“Romantic,” Lira finished for you. “Incredibly, painfully romantic.”

You flushed, remembering the tea, the bread, the note with its simple words that somehow felt more intimate than any grand declaration.

“He left me breakfast,” you confessed, voice barely above a whisper. “With a note.”

Lira clutched her chest, dramatically miming a heart attack. “Stop. I can’t take it. The world’s most terrifying male making hangover tea and writing little notes? I’m deceased.”

“It wasn’t like that,” you insisted, though your heart fluttered traitorously in your chest. “It was practical. Logical. The kind of thing anyone would do for a… friend.”

“Right. Friend. Sure.” Lira’s smirk could have rivaled Rhysand’s. “I always sleep in uncomfortable chairs watching over my friends and then prepare them carefully curated hangover remedies. Totally normal friend behavior.”

Before you could retort, the archive doors swung open, and a hush fell over the room.

But it wasn’t Azriel.

It was Elain Archeron.

Delicate as a spring blossom, she stepped into the archives, golden-brown hair catching the light like spun honey, her simple rose-colored dress somehow more elegant than the most extravagant gown. She moved with gentle grace, occasionally stopping to examine a particular book or plant with those wide, knowing eyes that had seen the future and returned.

Several of the archivists immediately flocked to her, offering assistance, eager to help the High Lord’s sister-in-law. Elain greeted each one with a soft smile and quiet thanks, her voice musical even from a distance.

“Oh look,” Lira murmured. “It’s the flower maiden herself.”

You tried not to feel the sharp twist in your chest. Tried not to remember how Azriel had left with her the night before.

“She’s probably looking for gardening books,” you said, striving for nonchalance and failing miserably.

“Or looking for a certain shadowsinger’s secrets,” Lira waggled her eyebrows.

You shot her a withering glare, but the damage was done. The seed of doubt, already planted, began to sprout, twisting around your heart like one of Elain’s carefully tended vines.

You couldn’t help but watch as Elain moved through the archives, everything about her so effortlessly perfect. Her laugh, when one of the archivists said something amusing, was like silver bells—musical without being shrill, delicate without being weak.

She was everything you weren’t—poised, elegant, unfaltering. The kind of female who belonged in the Night Court, who could stand beside an Illyrian warrior without looking out of place. The kind of female who didn’t trip over her own feet or fall off bookshelves or have nightmares about murderous water birds.

Of course Azriel would prefer her. Who wouldn’t?

“Stop that,” Lira hissed, kicking you under the table with unexpected force.

“Stop what?” You winced, rubbing your shin.

“That thing where you compare yourself to her and decide you come up lacking,” Lira said flatly. “I can see it all over your face. You might as well be writing ‘I feel inferior’ across your forehead in glowing ink.”

“I wasn’t—”

“You were,” Lira cut you off. “And it’s ridiculous. You’re magnificent. You’re also a disaster, but magnificently so.”

Despite yourself, you smiled. “Thanks. I think.”

“Besides,” Lira continued, nodding toward Elain, “I’m pretty sure she’s completely unaware of the shadowsinger’s existence beyond ‘Feyre’s mate’s scary friend with the shadows.’”

“You weren’t there last night,” you murmured, remembering the way Elain had approached Azriel, the way he’d immediately followed her out without a backward glance. “They left together.”

Lira’s brows shot up. “Interesting. But not conclusive.”

Before you could respond, the archive doors swung open again—and this time, it was Azriel who entered.

Your heart leapt into your throat, a physical reaction you couldn't control. He filled the doorway, tall and imposing, his shadows writhing around him like sentient ink. They seemed agitated today, whispering urgently against his skin, occasionally stretching toward the room as if searching for something. For someone.

His wings were tucked tight against his back, but there was a tension in them, a readiness that caught your attention. You knew that posture—it meant he was unsettled, though few would notice the difference.

His siphons gleamed in the archive's light, the blue so dark it was nearly black, pulsing with power that made the air around him shimmer and the nearby candle flames waver.

And then his eyes found you.

For a heartbeat, everything else faded—the archives, the whispers, even Lira's knowing smirk. There was only Azriel, his hazel eyes locked on yours with an intensity that made your lungs forget how to function. Something flickered across his face—relief?—before his mask of calm returned.

Then, his gaze shifted.

To Elain.

Something cold and hard settled in your stomach as you watched him approach her, shadows curling in anticipation before suddenly dissolving into nothing as he stepped into her presence. The transformation was jarring – the shadowsinger without his shadows, as if he became someone else entirely around her. She smiled up at him, that perfect, gentle smile, and gestured to a book she was holding.

The familiar ache of inadequacy clawed at your chest. Of course he would prefer her—graceful, gentle Elain with her floral scents and serene smile. Not you with your chaotic energy and penchant for disaster.

You couldn't hear what she was saying, but Azriel nodded, taking something small from her hands—something that glinted in the archives' soft light. He tucked it quickly into his pocket, a subtle, secretive movement that sent a shard of ice through your heart.

"I should go," you whispered, gathering your things with hands that suddenly felt clumsy and too large.

"Absolutely not," Lira grabbed your wrist, her grip surprisingly strong. "You're going to stay right here and finish telling me about assassin geese."

"I can't," you insisted, pulling free. "Not with them… here." Not with the evidence of what could never be yours displayed so plainly before you.

Understanding dawned in Lira's eyes. "Oh. Oh no. You really think—"

But you were already moving, head down, making for the side exit that few people knew about. You needed air. Needed space. Needed to not watch Azriel and Elain together, looking like they belonged in some ancient fae ballad about perfect, beautiful creatures finding one another.

You slipped through the door and into the narrow courtyard behind the archives, gulping in the fresh air like you'd been drowning. The scent of late summer flowers and sun-warmed stone enveloped you, but did nothing to ease the tightness in your chest. The sun was bright, nearly blinding after the dimness of the archives, and you squinted against it, trying to decide where to go.

"Running again, little bunny?"

You froze, heart stuttering in your chest. A shiver ran down your spine at that deep voice, at the faint hint of amusement—and something darker—that colored those words.

Slowly, you turned.

Azriel stood in the shadow of the doorway, his expression unreadable, his wings shifting slightly behind him. His shadows had returned, swirling around him with unusual agitation, some stretching toward you before retreating. How had he followed you so quickly? How had he known you were leaving?

His shadows, of course. They saw everything.

"I'm not running," you lied, taking a step back. "I just needed air."

"Through the side door that no one uses?" Azriel pushed away from the doorframe, moving toward you with the silent grace of a predator. The scent of night-chilled cedar and something darker, something uniquely him, reached you on the breeze. "Try again."

Anger flared, hot and sudden, in your chest. Anger was safer than hurt, safer than the vulnerability that threatened to crack you open. "Fine. I'm running. Happy? I'm avoiding you."

Azriel tilted his head, studying you with those ancient eyes. One shadow curled around his ear, whispering something that made his jaw tighten. "Why?"

"Because I embarrassed myself last night," you said quickly. Too quickly. "And I'd rather not relive it."

"Try again," Azriel repeated, stepping closer.

You backed away until you hit the courtyard wall, trapped between ancient stone and an advancing shadowsinger. The rough texture of the wall scraped against your palms. "The truth this time."

"That is the truth," you insisted, heart racing, the lie bitter on your tongue.

"No." Azriel stopped directly in front of you, close enough that you could feel the coolness of his shadows, smell the night-chilled cedar that clung to his skin. One shadow dared to brush against your cheek, a touch so light you might have imagined it, but you felt the coolness of its caress. "It's not."

His gaze was relentless, searching, seeing far too much. His shadows whispered secrets to him that you desperately wished they'd keep to themselves. You looked away, unable to meet those eyes that seemed to strip away every defense.

"Tell me," he said, his voice softer now. "Please."

It was the "please" that undid you.

Azriel, who commanded shadows and struck terror into the hearts of Prythian's most hardened warriors, saying "please" like he was asking for something precious. Like your truth mattered to him.

"I saw you," you whispered, still not looking at him, watching a persistent bellflower push through a crack in the courtyard stone. Its silvery petals seemed to glow even in daylight, resilient and out of place. Like you. "Last night. With Elain."

Azriel went very still. His shadows froze mid-swirl, as if time itself had stopped. "What?"

"At the party," you continued, the words tumbling out now that you'd started, unable to stop the flood.

Fear and hurt and longing twisted together in your chest, making it hard to breathe. "She came to you, whispered something, and you left with her. And then just now, in the archives…" You trailed off, feeling foolish and small and horribly vulnerable. "I know what a mating bond is supposed to be, Azriel. And I know when I'm not enough."

For a heartbeat, there was only silence. Then—

"You're jealous," Azriel said, the realization evident in his voice. His shadows swirled faster now, agitated, almost... hopeful?

You winced at hearing it stated so plainly. "I know it's stupid. She's perfect and beautiful and graceful, and I'm... not. Of course you'd prefer her. Anyone would." The words burned your throat like acid, but they needed to be said. Better to face this now than to keep hoping for something that could never be.

"Look at me," Azriel commanded softly.

When you didn't move, his scarred hand gently cupped your chin, the rough texture of his centuries-old scars a stark contrast to the gentleness of his touch. The scars felt like living history against your skin, telling stories of pain and endurance. He tilted your face up until you had no choice but to meet his gaze.

What you saw there made your breath catch—not amusement, not pity, but something warm and tender that made your heart skip. His shadows moved between you, wrapping around your wrists like gentle tethers, cool and soothing against your heated skin.

"You think I want Elain?" he asked, his voice rough.

"Don't you?" you whispered, hating how small you sounded. How uncertain. "Everyone does. She's spring incarnate."

"No." The word was firm, absolute. "I did once, a long time ago. A foolish, fleeting thing that faded long before I met you."

His shadows pulsed in agreement, pressing closer to you as if in reassurance. One brushed across your lips, sending a shiver down your spine.

Hope fluttered in your chest, fragile as a newly unfurled wing. "But last night—"

"She asked for my help," Azriel explained, his thumb brushing along your jawline in a touch so gentle it made your heart ache. His shadows emphasized his words, curling around your fingers like they were trying to hold your hand. "Lucien had sent her a letter. She wanted advice on how to respond."

"Oh," you breathed. But something still didn't feel right. "And today? In the archives?"

A flicker of something—was that nervousness?—crossed Azriel's face. His shadows swirled a bit faster, almost... anxiously. One wrapped around his wrist as if in encouragement, while another pressed against your heart, feeling your rapid pulse.

"She's been helping me with something," he said carefully.

Your heart sank. "I see."

"No," he said quickly, his hand moving to cup your cheek. His shadows darkened, intensified, as if reflecting his frustration at not being understood. "Not what you're thinking. She's been helping me with... a gift."

You blinked. "A gift?"

"For you."

Those two words, spoken so simply, sent your heart racing. His shadows responded to the change in your pulse, swirling more rapidly around you both, creating a cocoon of twilight that muted the sunlight. "For... me?"

Azriel's wings shifted, a subtle tell of his unease. His shadows, which had stayed firmly present throughout your entire confrontation, some even wrapping protectively around your wrists, swirled more actively now.

"I'm not good at this," he admitted, the confession clearly costing him. For a male who lived by control and precision, admitting inadequacy didn't come easily. "At... feelings. At speaking what's in my heart." A rare vulnerability flickered across his face. "Five centuries of shadows and secrets don't prepare you for this."

"For what?" you asked, bewildered but hopeful, your heart hammering against your ribs.

With a reluctant sigh, Azriel reached into his pocket and pulled out what Elain had handed him. It was a small velvet pouch, midnight blue, tied with a silver cord. His scarred fingers handled it with surprising gentleness, as if it contained something infinitely precious.

"This wasn't how I planned to do this," he muttered, more to himself than to you. His shadows curled around the pouch, caressing it like old friends. "I had a whole... I was going to take you to the Sidra, at sunset, and..." He sighed again, looking almost pained. "Elain was helping me find the right flowers to go with it. Ones that wouldn't die immediately in my hands."

Your fingers trembled as you reached for the pouch. "Can I...?"

Azriel nodded, looking both nervous and resigned. His shadows retreated slightly, giving you space, though one remained curled around your wrist, as if unwilling to break contact.

You carefully untied the silver cord and tipped the contents into your palm. What fell out made your breath catch.

A delicate silver chain, and on it, a pendant—a small glass orb containing a perfectly preserved moonbloom flower, its petals an ethereal that seemed to glow from within, suspended in what looked like liquid crystal. In the sunlight, it cast tiny rainbows across your skin.

"It's... it's beautiful," you whispered, awed by the craftsmanship, by the meaning behind it. A memory made tangible.

"It's a moonbloom," Azriel said quietly. His shadows danced around the pendant, seeming almost... joyful. "From the cave where we were trapped together... I went back."

His shadows caressed the flower through the glass, and to your astonishment, the bloom seemed to pulse faintly in response.

"Elain helped me preserve it," he continued, his voice low and intimate. "She's my friend," Azriel continued, his eyes never leaving yours, shadows now wrapping gently around both your wrists, connecting you. "Nothing more. She never has been, and now, she never could be."

"Why not?" The question slipped out before you could stop it.

Azriel's expression softened, a small, rare smile curving his lips. His shadows suddenly stilled, as if holding their breath.

"Because from the moment you fell on me, no one else has existed for me," he said with quiet intensity. "No one else could."

Your heart thundered against your ribs. "Azriel—"

"You are my world," he murmured, his voice low and fervent. His shadows emphasized his words, wrapping more firmly around you, some brushing against your cheek like a caress. "My exasperating, impossible, magnificent world. Do you understand?"

His gaze burned into yours, centuries of loneliness and newfound hope in their depths.

"It's you," he said, each word deliberate, weighted with promise. "It has always been you."

Tears pricked at your eyes, blurring your vision. "But I'm not like her. I'm not elegant or poised or—"

"Thank the Cauldron for that," Azriel cut you off, his thumb catching a tear as it slipped down your cheek. A shadow followed the path of his thumb, cool against your heated skin. "You are alive in a way few people are. You trip and fall and get back up. You talk to fish and plants and don't care who sees. You're not afraid to be real."

He leaned closer, his forehead touching yours, his breath warm against your face. "Do you know how rare that is? How precious you are?

You could hardly breathe, hardly think with him so close, his words wrapping around you like a promise. "I thought... I thought you were disappointed. That the mate the Cauldron chose for you was so... ordinary."

Azriel's wings flared slightly, his shadows swirling with agitation. "There is nothing ordinary about you," he said fiercely. "And I have never, not for one moment, been disappointed. Terrified, yes. Overwhelmed, certainly. But disappointed? Never."

"Terrified?" you repeated, surprised. "You?"

"Of course." His voice was quieter now, almost vulnerable. A shadow curled around his throat, as if protecting that vulnerability. "You could reject the bond. You could decide I'm not worth the trouble. You could walk away."

Your heart cracked at the raw honesty in his voice, the centuries of loneliness and doubt that had shaped him. Without thinking, you reached up, your fingers ghosting along the sharp line of his jaw. His shadows embraced your hand, guiding it to his face.

"I'm not going anywhere," you whispered, the truth of it settling in your bones like ancient mountain roots. "Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could. You're in my blood now, shadowsinger."

Something shifted in Azriel's eyes—a darkness giving way to light, a shadow lifting to reveal something bright and fierce beneath. The scent of night-chilled cedar and steel intensified around him, mixed with something uniquely him that called to your very soul.

His shadows rippled with what could only be described as joy, swirling faster, brighter somehow, though no less dark.

His hand moved from your chin to cradle the back of your neck, his scarred fingers threading through your hair, his touch both gentle and possessive. The rough texture of centuries-old burns against your sensitive skin sent shivers down your spine.

"Say it again," he murmured, his voice rough with need, the sound vibrating through the small space between you.

You knew what he meant. Knew what he needed to hear.

"You're my mate," you breathed, the words releasing something tight in your chest, like wings finally unfurling. "And I'm yours."

The moonbloom pendant between you flared suddenly, its blue-white light casting ethereal patterns across Azriel's face, illuminating the sharp planes and ancient sorrow etched there. His shadows danced in the light, not retreating from it but embracing it, merging with it to create something entirely new—neither darkness nor light but something born of both.

"Yes," he agreed, his voice rough with emotion that turned the single syllable into a vow. "Mine."

And then he was pulling you into his arms, not tentatively but with certainty, with a strength that spoke of centuries of waiting. The hard planes of his chest pressed against you, his heartbeat thundering against yours in perfect counterpoint.

His shadows enveloped you both, a cocoon of darkness and warmth that smelled of starlight and secrets, shielding you from the world as Azriel lowered his head. The courtyard around you faded away—the stone walls, the persistent flowers, the distant sounds of Velaris—until there was nothing but you and him and the living darkness that bound you.

He pressed his face into the curve where your neck met your shoulder, his breath warm against your skin. The gentle scrape of his jaw sent sparks racing along your nerves.

Your heart thundered in your chest, blood rushing in your ears as you felt the gentle press of his lips against your shoulder—reverent, possessive, and achingly tender. Heat flooded your cheeks at the unexpected intimacy of the gesture.

His shadows caressed every inch of exposed skin, cool to his warmth, leaving trails of pleasant shivers in their wake. They dipped beneath your collar, traced the shell of your ear, brushed against your trembling fingers—claiming in their own way what their master now possessed.

They whispered against your ears, not with words but with feelings—joy, relief, possession, adoration, century upon century of loneliness suddenly filled with your light.

And somewhere above, unseen but ever-present, the Mother smiled.

Author's Note: Azriel made you tea. With honey. And referenced your assassin goose nightmare. I don’t know what else to tell you except: it’s over for him. Completely, utterly, hopelessly gone. Bless his broody little heart. 💀🖤

Thanks for reading, lovelies. Things are about to get even messier. Stay chaotic. Stay soft.

Tag List: @songbirdpond @tothestarsandwhateverend @lovely-susie @kksbookstuff @ladycaramelswirl @gamarancianne @writtenbypavani @bubybubsters @moonlitscrolls @valyas-corner @iris-lavender @lreadsstuff @nebarious @azrielssgirl @lamimamiii @fantasydreamwalker @dallynjennasgirl @tenshis-cake @lilah-asteria @sweetsugarcoffee @fall-winter-heart97 @lovely-susie @lreadsstuff @sofi03 @songbirdpond @nico707 @justtryingtosurvive02 @yourlocalcancer @saltedcoffeescotch @thatacotargirl @happypeanutstrawberry @theverseoftheblackpearl @tele86 @highladyofhogwarts @fuckingsimp4azriel @thegoddessofnothingness @lovelyflower7777 @stressed-reader @karespocketboyfriends @lreadsstuff @yourdarkroses-blog @plants-w0rld @oldernotwiser26 @ashduv @alittlelostalittlefound-blog @adventure-awaits13 @thegoddessofnothingness @fuckingsimp4azriel @highladyofhogwarts @stainedpomegranatelips @i-am-infinite @arcticfoxxes

[danvazini]

kissin’ on my tattoos —

you were booked and busy all day, you couldn’t really find time to fit anyone else in during your business hours, but you did somehow find some time to fit one more person in just before you closed shop for the night.

now playing : kissin’ on my tattoos by august alsina

(📓) client!lara, tattoo artist!reader, fem!reader, gp!lara, masturbation, unprotected sex, teasing, edging, lara’s hella flirty, top!reader, body worshipping, subby!lara, creampie, slight degrading, etc possibly?

(💚) listen lara’s tattoos have me going FERAL. i need her biblically like this really isn’t a joke anymore…

(wc) 2k — prev katz works

—

“another late night” you sighed to yourself, your coworker looked at you from cleaning up their station, “i mean, you only have one client left, they may be fast”

you nodded as they spoke, “there’s no guarantee though, you know how things like this goes” — you said and they nodded.

to be honest, you were so unbelievably tired. you asked your client hours beforehand to send what she wanted so you could print out the stencil and have it ready for her.

it was multiple different tattoos so you just sighed to yourself, hoping that she didn’t want any color because, well you’d have to go in the back for that and find it.

as time slowly began to pass, the time for your next client to come, had as well. you were sitting on your phone, pretty much manspreading when you heard the front door chime, and a soft “hello?” come from the front.

you went up there and greeted her, “hi, i’m lara” and you nodded, “nice to meet you”, you took her over to her station and you two began to talk.

you weren’t sure if it was her aroma or scent, or hell anything in particular. something attracted her to you, while you two specified the area of her tattoo lara would look you up and down, bite her lip sometimes, giggle a lot. kind of, flirting? you tried to remain professional, of course, but it was kind of hard.

she wanted a tattoo on her waist, at first she asked if you all did them and you explained that you did as long as the client wanted that. — you asked lara to remove her jeans, and she did. you were surprised to see she had on boxers, but honestly, you saw the brand through her pants, which were low waisted.

you asked for permission before pulling her boxers off of her, and you covered her up with a towel, aside from the area you needed.

you again printed the stencil, this time making sure it was the right one before beginning the lining on lara’s waist, you had the indian woman sit at a specific angle to make sure you got it right.

she wanted it from her waist, down to her thigh, so it was a pretty long tattoo, especially for the first one, of many. she kind of twitched a little while you used the pencil to sketch out the start of the tattoo.

you held her hips down, and looked up at her, “are you okay? wanna start somewhere else?” you asked and she shook her head, “no no, go on” and you nodded. — you continued with your process, successfully finishing the lining of her tattoo.

now you had to get the ink ready in the pen, “do you want any color?” you casually asked, but you being faced the opposite direction and also being far away from her, lara didn’t really hear you.

“ma’am?” you called out to her, “hm?” — “did you want any color?”, and she thought for a bit, “give me the color you think suits me best” and you nodded, “okay”

you left to the back and came with a random color you felt would be the best fit, you held lara down in a specific angle, but you were gentle with her.

while you moved the pen on her body, you subconsciously cooed to her, saying she was doing good already and other little praises for not moving too much. — which in your head, meant nothing, but in lara’s head, it was much more.

you held her hand the further you went down, it wasn’t out of the ordinary for you to hold your clients hands during tattoos. — lara whined a bit the closer you got to finishing.

“hold still for me, okay beautiful? i’m almost done” you softly said, and squeezed her hand a bit to give her some reassurance while you finished up.

you wiped any access ink there was, and finished off that area. once you finished, lara let you go. “uhm, could i go to the restroom?” — “mhm, its all the way in the back towards the left” and she got up, grabbing her clothes then went towards the bathroom.

you moved back over to the couch you were just sitting in and sighed to yourself, trying to calm down and not think about anything else. — over in the restroom, the indian woman was fighting for her life.

she had a boner — she couldn’t even attempt to hide it if she wanted to, poor baby was so embarrassed she just sat in the bathroom and tried thinking about anything to take her mind off it.

each time she’d get to a certain thought, she’d think about you and how you cooed to her. the way you praised her, even for the simplest things.

lara put back on her boxers, hoping it wouldn’t be too bad, and also slipped back on her jeans. she looked in the mirror and decided to just wrap her jacket around her waist before walking back out.

“hi” she softly said, making you look back at her, “hey, are you ready for the next one?” you asked, smiling to her as she nodded.

“just here for now” she said, circling the area she wanted the next tattoo. you nodded. as she sent you the next tattoo she wanted. "you're actually doing bette than a lot of my other clients" you said casually, and it was true.

they'd either be a bit too scared to approach, get the tattoo done or they're not sure what they actualy want until after you've already sketched out on their body. — and let's not talk about the placement, because they always change it last minute. it drives you crazy.

the more you casually praised lara, the harder it was for her to just play it off. again, she excused herself to the bathroom, of course you’re not gonna say no, so she went. — you finished printing out the picture and began getting everything ready while she was there.

now what lara was experiencing was the last thing you’d expect. she had another boner, this time it wasn’t as easily avoidable. she had to do something about it because the longer it would just rub against the fabric of her boxers and jeans, just listening to the way you praised her, she’d cum in her pants.

the indian woman asked for about ten minutes and you said sure, because hell to be honest, you had no where else to go. she was your last client and despite how tired you previously felt, it’s all gone away now.

lara quickly removed her jeans, pulling her cock from her boxers and began slowly stroking herself. she tried thinking about literally anything that could rush this process, speeding up her hands.

her mind kept going back to you, and she would twitch each time she’d think about you. — you’d soon hear the whimpering coming from the bathroom, going back there to check on lara but, she never gave you a verbal answer.

you announced you were coming in, only to find lara jerking off while moaning your name, her vision was blurry due to how needy she was, and honestly. it was late, no one else was coming in, why not help her out?

you walked closer to lara, and you wrapped your hands around her cock, using your other hand and pulling her into a kiss. she was much louder now, her vision going in and out, noticing it was you touching her.

she removed her hands, poor loser trying to take your clothes off so she would feel you better, closer, and deeper.

you removed your bottoms (skirt, pants, shorts whatever you choose) and slid your panties to the side. you began to line yourself up with lara’s tip before lowering yourself down on her.

she grabbed at your hips, pushing you further down, immediately falling in love with how tight you were over her. she immediately began thrusting inside of your heat, pulling at your top, her eyes so soft and her lips were pouty :( — lara whined as you teased her, you made her slow down and slowly removed your top, but her eyes were so focused on yours and your lips.

once you finally removed your top and your bra, she grabbed at your breast, sucking on one while she played with the other. she even left a heart shaped hickey on one, while also marking up your neck.

lara was so desperate, the rhythm you were going drove her crazy, she was so needy and it was all caused by you. she barely even knew you but here she was getting slutted out by her tattoo artist.

“fuckk faster, please..” lara begged, her voice so cute and low </3 , almost like a whisper, you decided to tease her by making her beg you, saying little things like, “i didn’t hear you, puppy” and more.

lara began to whine, she couldn’t handle your teasing, you’d clench around her, basically choking her cock, your arousal would drip down her, touching her thighs, the way you moaned in her ear just made her squirm. — she craved you and all that is you.

she pulled your body close to hers, nipping at your skin, you sped yourself up, your back arching against lara’s slowly overheating body. — the indian woman slowly began to grown closer to her orgasm, so you got up.

she looked at and whined, her hands wanting to wrap around her shaft, wanting to touch you, feel you again. “you can’t cum this early, beautiful”

you held lara’s chin, while her eyes were hooded, struggling to look up at your face, her eyes staying steady on your breast. — when they finally moved up, she was focused on your lips.

she pulled you closer to her, you looked into her eyes while you stroke her, taking her lips into a lustful kiss. lara couldn’t help but moan into the kiss, grabbing at your waist to get you closer to her.

you once again pushed lara’s cock inside of you, watching the way she’s react. “such a fucking loser” you said in her ear, your breather going down her neck. you kissed and sucked at lara’s neck while you sped up.

she whined in your ear, saying she was gonna cum and you only sped up, you were whimpering as your own orgasm approached, lara began thrusting inside of your cunt, her fingers going to rub your clit to rush your orgasm. — which happened.

watching you cum on her cock only pushed lara closer to her orgasm, you continued to grind on her. she was twitching, begging you to let her cum, which you finally let her.

she desperately thrusted her cock inside of you until she shot her hot load deep inside your womb, her body slightly shook as she finished.

she sighed against your chest, then she sat back against the wall. she was trying to calm her breathing when her brain finally came back to reality.

she was still in the bathroom, covered in her own load. she hurried and fixed herself up, tying her hair back before washing her hands and walking out.

you looked at the black haired woman when she walked back in, “are you alright?” you softly asked, and she nodded. — you sat lara down back in her seat to get her final tattoo done.

“i heard you back there, i was gonna check but you seem to be alright” you calmly said while doing her tattoo, lara nodded, internally blushing at the fact you heard her getting off to you.

soon you finished her tattoo, and you were packing everything up when she walked up to you with the money. normally, you’d take it and send them on their way but, it was something about her that made you just have her pay your less and keep the rest. — and well that’s what happened.

[justsomehazbin]

Holy SHIT am I proud of this. It took a day and a HALF to work on it. I really just wanted to draw a cool badass picture of Charlie in a cute dress, and somehow I ended up with my best piece I think I've ever done!!

To see the process, click the 'read more' below!

Otherwise:

Main blog over here

My Etsy Shop!

Originally, I wanted it to look more like a royal portrait, a good excuse to draw a pretty dress.

I adored the dress design, but it was an extremely flat image, so despite taking like. 5 hours to design it and work on it, I rethought my plan, switching to a far more dynamic pose.

I also made sure to add tons of flow lines, both from her hair, to her tail, to help bring the eye all around the canvas.

I did a billion sketches, but this is what I ended up on! Originally I had her right arm holding the pitch fork behind her back, but it just never looked right. I also took a risk and did a facial angle that has always been extremely hard to get right, and somehow I managed to make it look nice!

After adding the lineart, colors and all of that, I knew quickly I didn't want the angel to stick out as much as she did. I wanted her to fall into the background instead, since she was just on the border and I didn't want any attention really taken from Charlie. So I changed her shade to red, and from there I added more of the background details!

Okay I did leave some inbetween screenshots out but it's past my bedtime. I hope this was fun to look at, at least!

Final product once more!

[zarvasace]

Whumptober day 18: possession. Image description under cut!

Edit: next>>

This comic is done in tall pages with a gray background. All the lines have a pencil-like texture to them, and it is not colored. Most lines and text are in black, with white and red being used symbolically and sparingly.

Page One

Panel one: A sketched landscape that evokes the Dueling Peaks of Wild’s world, lit in bright red by a full and bloody moon.

Panel two: A line of silhouettes, lit slightly in red light for some detail. They are walking toward the right side of the page. From right to left: Wolfie, facing forward. Time. Warriors, looking backward. Wild, looking up with his slate in his hands. Legend looking around. Hyrule, jogging to catch up. Wind, shading his eyes and looking up. Sky, glancing backward. Four, fully stopped and looking back down at his shadow on the ground. The text reads, in quotes as if recalling something from a memory: “Monsters stalk the shadows here, once they’re dead. Blood moons bring them back.”

Panel three: We see Four’s head and hand, reaching out toward something slightly below him. His expression is concerned. He’s lit in red light, including two little reflected red blood moons in his eyes. The text is not in any quotes or speech bubbles, as if they are Four’s thoughts: “...bring them [underlined] back. Could it?”

Panels four and five: Four, still in silhouette, kneels next to a puddle of bubbling shadow, lit in red light. First he reaches down toward it, and in the next panel, his hand pulls back suddenly as the shadow begins to extend upward. Flecks of red evoke the Malice in the air, and become more intense in the fifth panel. The fifth panel is interrupted by a large (loud) exclamation from an unknown source, with a dash before to indicate that the speaker interrupted themself: [all caps] “—FOUR!”

Page Two

Panel one: Four glances over his shoulder, still lit in red light with flecks of red flying around him. There are tiny tears in the corners of his eyes, and he’s smiling. He says: “Calm down, its [underlined] okay!”

Panel two: A copy of the previous panel, except for a few differences. Four’s tears are gathering a little bigger. The red flecks in the air have turned to flaming shapes. Four says: “It’s just my S—” but is cut off by the next panel.

Panel three: Four is still looking back, but a bright flash of red interrupts what he’s saying. His eyes go round, his tears fall, and he stops speaking. The red lights in his eyes are bigger. 

Panel four: Four kneels down in the middle of the panel, while shapes that suggest the other Heroes gather around him, indistinguishable from each other. Red flecks fly around them all. Text fills the background, as if from the Heroes muttering, but there is now way to tell who is saying what: “FOUR! That doesn’t look good. What happened? He doesn’t usually linger behind. Give him some space. He said to calm down? That’s the opposite of what we should be— Who has the Ma— [cut off by shapes] He has a moon pearl, right? He never touches the thing.”

Panels five, six, and seven: These panels are a sequence left to right, separated by dotted lines instead of solid ones. In them, we see Four, but not any of his facial features. In panel five, he stands up (there’s a word to make it clear: “RISE”.) In the next, he raises his hands to look at them, and lines indicate that he’s wobbling. His feet are turned in ever so slightly. In the last panel of this sequence, he is still looking at his hands, but there is less wobbling and he’s standing more firmly. All through these panels, he doesn’t say anything, and red wiggly lines surround him. 

Panel eight: A shot of Hyrule, looking grim with a shield already out, Legend, looking a bit worried with a hand on the hilt of his sword at his back, and Wild, who’s definitely worried. They’re all outlined in red light, but don’t have any red shining in their eyes. Wild, in a wobbly speech bubble, says: “...Four?”

Page Three

Panel one: This panel takes up most of this page, and shows Four looking up, with one hand on his head and a huge, maniacal smile on his face. His eyes are fully red, and he’s still lit in red light. Flecks of red fly around him, and the panel is shaded and has more detail than the others have had. A series of “AHAHAHA” laughing is repeated behind him. He says, in all-caps with a red speech bubble: “I KNEW THE LITTLEST WOULD BE EASIEST TO TAKE!!”

Panel two: This isn’t Four, but it is his body. Not-Four laughs, one hand up by his face, and keeps speaking with red speech bubbles: “The idiot let me right in! Me, his dead friend?”

Panel three: All eight of the other Links with swords and some shields out, making angry eyes as they stand in a line. The sky is red behind them. We see the top silhouette of Not-Four’s head, and he says: “oh… uh…”

Panel four: A copy of the last panel, except now each of the other Links looks either surprised or even angrier. They all shout: “STOP!” but the silhouette of Four’s head is now dissolving into red light. He says, “catch you suckers later!”

Page Four

There is only one panel on this page, and it is quite spread out to illustrate a lull in the action.

At the top, we see the moon outlined in red, but now with white on the inside and around it, as if the blood moon is disappearing. 

Text, without speech bubbles but staggered so that each sentence seems to come from someone else, without any hints as to who says what: “Does anyone have any idea what that was? …nobody? Where’s Four? What was that? He’s possessed?!” And at the bottom of this block, there is more text: “Guys… Who’s that?”

At the bottom of this page, we see a Four-like figure lying slumped on the ground, a few sparkles of white around him. He looks to be asleep. The end of his hood is curled above him without a charm, as if floating with a mind of its own.

The very bottom has text in white, the artist’s signature: “mina @ zarvasace”

[gooselycharm]

severance comic process write up (unasked for)

i finished season 1 of severance jan 24 and maybe by then NL had already begun his apple tv tirades. so maybe that's why i thought of the get it twisted speech? dont remember exactly but i was like wait......... this kinda fits...... and basically the images were forming in my head and i had to get them out. this is the best kind of inspiration to have. when it feels like you are afflicted with a life-threatening disease and the only cure is to draw pictures

i decided i wanted square panels and a black and white color scheme pretty early on. i wanted the pacing to feel kind of fast, so one line per page (basically i was trying to match the monologue). black and white also made sense because 1) i didn't want this to take 2 years like my last comic 2) fits theme of the show and the monologue rapidly whipping back and forth 3) i thought maybe i'd riso print this in the beginning and 1 color would be cheapest/easiest

the sketching phase was really smooth. it was like the images were in my mind already and just needed to be brought to life. my motivation was strong as well (i thought it was really funny and if no one liked it at least i really really liked it).

^ my sketches. most compositions made it to final without major edits. i did cut almost all of the last 8 because i didn't feel like I needed the moment to be dragged out so much AND i was getting pretty tired by that point lol.

one page i'm glad i changed was the ms casey one. the reason i changed it at first was because i thought it was too similar to the irving/burt one. and then i ended up really liking the new composition.

as i moved to final, i had a couple of inspirations in mind. i'm a huge fan of sophia foster-dimino's work, and in particular her sex fantasy comics

^ books/zines i looked at for inspiration. second image is a spread from sex fantasy #4.

i also was inspired by jennifer xiao's comics and how chootalks and nogoodwithcat handle linework and value

i was inspired by jennifer's pop up ads comic for this page. i like the humor in her work and wanted to bring an element of that into my comic.

i love these drawings by choo that showcase these eerie tableaus of desserts/cakes/hammers/etc! i was trying to evoke the same vibe with the two "get it twisted" pages with the stack of waffles.

also, just tons and tons of references taken from the show and stock images.

i pretty much just worked for two weeks straight until i finished. what unemployment does to a motherfucker. even though it's fanart and the words aren't mine, it's a pretty personal comic. i got suddenly laid off last fall which has made me feel all sorts of feelings, and then starting up my job search this year has been grueling. it kinda blows my mind that anyone expects you to love your job. i love my cat. i love the people important to me. i love moving my body and eating good food and listening to music and being out in nature. i love the color green. i dont love my fucking JOB lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are you freaking CRAZY???????? literally do NOT get it twisted. but also please hire me. <- this dichotomy has been making me nuts

anyway. the reception to my comic has been mind blowing. people have said some insanely nice things. i also really appreciate anyone who's read and enjoyed the comic without knowledge of severance or northernlion LMAO honestly amazed and in disbelief.... ty so much..... it really means a lot!!!!!!!!!!

okay i ran out of things to say for now byeeeeeeeeeeee

[tiddygame]

Simon started his sleeve well before he became Ghost.

It started when Joseph was about 3 1/2 and Simon got a nasty scar on his arm that made the poor kid upset every time he saw it. Joseph knew that it didn’t still hurt, but for him it was a reminder that is uncle was always in danger. It scared the kid to think about what caused it, even though Simon assured him that he was okay.

So after a brief discussion with Beth and Tommy, he figured he’d get a tattoo to cover it up. A sleeve would be expensive, but if it meant Joseph didn’t cry every time he saw the scar on his uncle's arm, it would be worth it.

It took some looking around for an artist that was willing to tattoo scar tissue and one that he trusted, but it wasn’t long before he was scheduling a consult.

Then he realized he had no fucking idea what he wanted to get tattooed.

He felt like getting a flaming skull or half naked lady permanently etched into his skin would defeat the purpose and he most certainly was not going to get something in a language he didn’t speak.

His mom jokingly suggested that he could get a floral sleeve and cover his arm in flowers.

And, well, it was close enough to a dare that he couldn’t turn it down so a few weeks later, he’s got his appointment set up to turn his arm into a garden.

He has quite a few types of flowers in there (some that his mom loves, some that Beth and Tommy had at their wedding, etc. etc.) with vines and leaves to fill in the gaps

The appointments are quite far apart with his deployment, Simon didn’t want to deal with a healing tattoo in the field. They started at the scar, covering it up and then expanding from there.

Joseph loves the flowers.

He was always so excited when Simon let him fill them in like his arm was a coloring book, even if he still struggled to stay in the lines.

He used to cry every time Simon left and it would break his heart, but now Joseph demanded that his uncle return as fast as he could so he could go back to coloring his arm and talking about sharks.

Joseph loved the flowers.

It took a while for him to go back.

There was no reason to, not anymore. He had more scars, but there wasn’t anyone he had to hide them from.

The tattoo was left unfinished for a long time, only part of his forearm was done.

Ghost didn’t care. He wore long sleeves even in weather warm enough to cause heatstroke; he couldn’t look at it.

When he did, he didn’t see an unfinished tattoo, he saw his nephew. Saw him looking up at his uncle with big brown eyes, begging Simon to carry him. Saw him sleeping under the Christmas tree.

Eventually he returned. He requested a slight change to the design and showed the artist a photo of four headstones and the bouquets that accompanied them

(There was a fifth, partially out of frame and cut off, vase empty)

The artist nodded and got to work.

In the new sketch, a few new flowers were added, but the first thing Ghost noticed were the four little garter snakes that had been weaved through the petals.

Ghost nodded and that was that.

Every now and then a rookie would see it and start to laugh, but when they remembered the reputation of the man they were laughing at, it was quickly cut off with hasty (and futile) apologies. (They were still going to end up running laps until they vomited up their lungs.)

It was rare that he was exposed enough for people to see the tattoo and from a distance, it just looked like a simple sleeve. It wasn’t long before his little garden became a lesser known rumor that followed him around and joined the other whispers.

Ghost didn’t care. He didn’t get the tattoo for himself or any prying eyes. From the moment he booked the consultation to leaving the parlor with his sleeve complete, it was all for Joseph.

The rookies could spread whatever rumors they want, his nephew would have loved it and that’s all he wanted.

The first time Soap got a proper look, he just stared at it for a while before going off on a story about when he was little and picked up a snake thinking it was a stick.

From anyone else, it would have felt like that were trying to change the subject so they didn’t have to acknowledge that The Ghost had such a “feminine” tattoo.

From Soap, it was comforting in an odd way. It was obvious that Soap wanted a better look at it, but he never pushed Ghost. Just like the mask, Soap was patient.

Later down the line, it would morph into quiet nights with Johnny tracing the lines and trying to identify each type of flower. He’d look to Simon for any clues but would complain that Simon always looked too love-struck for his facial expression to give any hints on if he was getting close.

Simon didn’t deny these claims but still refused to offer any help.

And even longer after that, Johnny would shakily color in the petals as he tries to regain his fine motor skills.

The markers would often slip out his hands and the shakiness meant he couldn’t stay within the lines, but the fact that he was there at a all, debating which pink to use on the peonies and getting frustrated with himself when he couldn’t get the cap back on, was enough of a miracle that Simon could barely keep himself together as his sleeve regained its color for the first time in years.

When Johnny was done, Simon hugged him with one arm, holding the tatted one up and away so that the new ink wouldn’t smudge.

Eventually, Simon would tell the story of why he got the tattoo, even if Johnny already had a pretty good guess based on the wistful look Simon had when talking about it. He would tell him which ones his mom loved, which ones had been at Beth and Tommy’s wedding, and which ones were just the artist adding some to make it more cohesive.

But for now, they would hold onto each other tightly, neither of them willing to separate. Maybe for some, crying over a box of sharpies wasn’t a happy ending, but Simon didn’t care. He had Johnny in his arms and that was all he could ask for.

[akumamazoku]

AD TERRAM REVERTOR

heyo!! okay so it took me like FOREVER to post this because i made my canvas. 5000 by 7000 so. i was really confused as to why it wouldn’t send LOL, anyways i blitzed this all in one go for like 4 hours straight, so i hope yall like it!

second version:

anyways i had to screenshot these to get them through so. I HOPE THEYRE STILL HIGH QUALITY!!

you can physically feel how much more i enjoyed making this than all my other recent drawings HELP, i think it’s just because i was forcing myself to do lineart, so yeah the lines here are 100% sketched i am NOT doing that hellish lineart anymore sobs

also i used myself as a reference dont be weird abt it PLSSS

anyways have the extras from my flopped other project:

i got to coloring it it was just SO awful that i gave up lol

anyways thats all!! hope you like it! i am extremely happy with this drawing ehe

[greenbuns]

the best ending | e.w

written by greenbuns

° . Pairings : Ellie Williams × Fem!Reader (you)

° . Contains : sfw, light angst, bestfriend!ellie, regrets, unrequited love, make up as friends

"for ellie it was just friendly jokes and fun, for you it was your entire world"

You loved Ellie Williams the way most people loved their favorite music—not always consciously, but deeply, endlessly. She filled the quiet in your life with color. The kind of love you carried for her wasn’t loud or dramatic. It existed like gravity—constant, invisible, inescapable.

You weren’t sure when it turned into something more than friendship. Maybe it was that summer night you both lay under the stars, arguing about constellations and your futures. Maybe it was every time she picked you first for team games even when you sucked. Or maybe it was just the slow, gentle way she started to mean everything.

It was cruel, though. To fall for someone who could never be yours. Not because she didn’t deserve your love—but because she didn’t see it. Not really.

You memorized her laugh. You could draw her smile from memory, the way her eyebrow arched when teasing you, or how she held a pencil in that lazy, almost careless grip when she sketched. You treasured the moments she would toss an arm around your shoulder, call you “idiot” in that low, amused voice that made your knees go weak.

To Ellie, it was playful. Friendly. Comfort.

To you, it was everything. Your entire galaxy.

But you never told her. Because even the risk of losing her was unbearable. You kept it buried beneath late-night calls and shared playlists and inside jokes scribbled in notebooks. You told yourself you were okay with just this— being close, even if not close enough.

Until she came along.

Ellie met her during art club. She was smart, beautiful, the kind of person who made others stop and listen. At first, it was harmless—just stories Ellie told you after class, a few mentions here and there. Then the stories got longer. The mentions more frequent.

Then the polaroids started showing up on Ellie’s wall.

You remembered the sting of seeing the first one—Ellie kissing her cheek, light beaming off their faces like a goddamn rom-com still. You smiled and said it was cute. That night, you cried so hard your pillow stayed damp until morning.

Their relationship bloomed. And yours withered.

The weekly movie nights became occasional rain checks. Then excuses. Then silence.

Els : sorry, got a plan for tonight! next week? :)

You smiled at the text. Threw your phone across the bed. Told yourself it was fine.

You weren’t fine.

The next time you visited Ellie’s house, it felt like you were walking into someone else’s life. Her room—once your shared sanctuary—was filled with signs of someone else. Polaroids lined her corkboard, most of them of her girlfriend. Sketches of her smile. A pressed daisy she once gave Ellie, now taped to the desk lamp.

The space that once held you was shrinking, minute by minute.

She offered you a soda, like nothing had changed.

You drank it. And swallowed your grief with it.

♡ • ♡ • ♡

Months passed with loneliness and unspoken words.

You disappeared slowly. Like the final chords of a song that no one noticed had ended.

You skipped lunch. You stayed late in the library, eyes never quite on the page. You ignored her texts with trembling fingers and teary eyes. Not because you hated her—god, you couldn’t—but because your heart needed to breathe again. To survive.

Each ignored message felt like self-harm. Each silence a blade. But it was the only way you could stop drowning in the ache of being forgotten.

You became good at pretending. You laughed at things you didn’t find funny. You filled your calendar with things to do—anything to keep your mind off her. Off the ache. Off the fact that every piece of you still wanted to run back to her and ask why.

Why wasn’t I enough?

Meanwhile, Ellie began to notice.

She noticed the way your seat beside her stayed empty. How you no longer looked for her in the hallways. How her texts went unanswered and your laughter was missing from the soundtrack of her days.

One evening, she brought it up to her girlfriend. She said she missed you.

Her girlfriend tilt her head and chuckled in amusement, “She’s clingy, you know? You’re better off without her anyway.”

Ellie frowned, “She’s my best friend.”

“She’s toxic, babe. You don’t need people like that hanging onto you. If she can’t handle you being happy, that’s her problem.”

That night, Ellie didn’t sleep. She sat on her porch with her hoodie pulled over her head, replaying every word you’d ever said. All your quiet smiles. All the times you cheered her on when no one else did. How you always stayed up just to listen to her rant about her old man being overprotective.

And she realized she’d made a mistake. A big one.

The next day, Ellie stood outside your house holding a folded piece of paper and a heavy heart.

Your mom answered the door. She had always liked Ellie. But her smile was dimmer now, touched with sadness.

“She doesn’t want to talk, sweetie. I’m sorry.”

Ellie nodded slowly, her throat tight, “I understand.." She spoke weakly, "Could you please give this to her?”

A moment passed. Then your mom took the small note from her trembling fingers.

Ellie left. Slowly, like she hoped maybe your mom would call her back. But she didn’t.

Upstairs, your room was dim, the curtains drawn tight. You were curled into yourself on the bed, wearing that old hoodie you never wore outside, hugging your knees like it was the only thing keeping you from falling apart completely.

Your eyes were red, puffy—not fresh from crying, but heavy with the residue of it. The kind of ache that never quite left.

Because even when you acted like everything was fine, it never failed to haunt you in the worst way it could.

Your mom knocked softly. “Honey?”

You didn’t answer.

She pushed the door open gently. You didn’t move.

“I know you’re tired,” she said quietly, her voice carrying that same careful tone she used when you were younger and heartbroken over scraped knees or nightmares. “But Ellie came by.”

At her name, your body stiffened slightly.

“She asked me to give you this.”

You finally turned your head, your hair clinging to your cheek where a tear had dried. She was holding a small folded piece of paper—nothing fancy. Just your name written in Ellie’s handwriting. A little uneven. Like she’d been in a hurry. Or nervous.

You sat up slowly, numb fingers reaching for the note.

“Thanks, mama,” you whispered, voice barely audible.

Your mom sat beside you, brushing your hair gently out of your face. “I don’t know what happened, sweetie… but whatever it is, you don’t have to carry it alone.”

You nodded, though your throat tightened too much to say anything else.

When she left the room after gave your cheek a soft kiss, you unfolded the letter with shaky hands.

Your eyes lingered on the words.

The letter was simple. Just seven words; “Meet me at our favorite place.”

Favorite place, huh?

You remember the beach. The soft sand, the small waves dances between your toes when you ran towards it.

The place where you once planned a grand high school escape, where you dared Ellie to climb the fence and she got stuck. Where you cried about physics exams and she ranted about Joel’s curfews. Where you once believed forever was possible.

You held the letter that night, fingers trembling.

And in that moment, something cracked open in your chest. Not pain, not yet. Just a fragile flicker of something you’d buried under weeks of sorrow.

You clutched the note to your chest and let the tears come again—this time softer, slower. And for the first time, you cried not just because you were hurting. But because maybe, just maybe — something could still be salvaged.

You didn’t know what to expect.

But you went anyway.

♡ • ♡ • ♡

The beach was quiet at sunset. Bathed in yellow sunlight and glitters that swayed like memories.

You saw her before she saw you—sitting by the wooden bench, her arms wrapped around herself in a midnight blue hoodie, like she was holding back time. The breeze played with her auburn hair that looked more fiery under the golden hour. Her brows were furrowed, her body still.

You stepped forward. A stick cracked beneath your foot.

Ellie turned.

And for the first time in weeks, your eyes met again.

It was like the world stopped holding its breath.

She gave a tentative smile. “You came.”

You nodded, “I almost didn’t.”

“I wouldn’t blame you.”

The silence that followed wasn’t uncomfortable. It was full of everything unspoken. Everything broken and held together by hope.

“I broke up with her,” Ellie said, voice low.

You looked at her, a bit shocked but secretly not unhappy, “Why?”

“She said things. About you. About us. Things that—” she shook her head. “I should’ve seen it sooner. I let someone I barely knew make me forget the most important person in my life.”

Her voice cracked. “You.”

Your throat burned. “Why are you telling me this, Ellie?”

“Because I need you to know I’m sorry.” Her voice was shaking, as if the sound of the ocean couldn't keep her calm. “I was selfish. I made you feel invisible. I hurt you. And I fucking hate myself for it. You’ve always been there for me. Always. And when you needed me—I wasn’t.”

You didn’t realize you were crying until her hand brushed a tear from your cheek.

“I miss your laugh,” she said, voice breaking. “I miss the way you smile everytime we did something stupid together. I miss you. And I don’t want to go another day pretending like I’m okay without you.”

You opened your mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. So you did the only thing that made sense—you reached for her. And Ellie wrapped her arms around you like she’d never let go again.

You sobbed into her hoodie. She held you tighter.

And for the first time in a long time, the ache in your chest softened.

“I want a fresh start,” Ellie whispered into your hair. “Please.. I can't lose you.”

You pulled back slightly, searching her eyes. And despite everything, you gave her a soft smile, the one that makes Ellie's heart melted a little, “I want that too.."

You didn’t tell her you were still in love. That her words healed and tore you apart all at once. That the love you carried was still very much alive.

Because sometimes, love wasn’t about confessions. Or fireworks.

Sometimes, it was about choosing someone again. Even after all the pain.

And for now, this was enough.

The best ending you both needed. [•]

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

> hope u guys enjoy this! tysm for reading, have a great day/night <3

[pennyserenade]

nothing compares 2 you | dieter bravo x ex!wife reader

summary | a timeline of dieter bravo and his ex-wife's relationship, told in snapshots. rating | (explicit) tags/warnings | smut, mention of drug and alcohol use, angst, language, real yearning hours. word count | 7.8k a/n | happy late birthday to my favorite aries, pedro pascal <3

February, 2010. Someplace in Los Angeles.

Before he is the Actor, he is the Artist.

The art studio next to yours is the size of a closet and it’s his, paid for with his measly actor’s wages. He paints on large canvases with bleak colors and flirts with you three times before he realizes that his reused material does nothing but amuse you.

You can tell he is a man used to getting women easily, and you don’t blame these women: he is a handsome man. He has soft hands, a dimpled grin, and black paint splattered endearingly over his all rugged, too big t-shirts. During one of his lazy flirtations the word “honest” comes to you, and you figure it’s something to do with his eyes — how they’ve got the gleam of truth, even though he doesn’t necessarily strike you as an honest man himself. Maybe this should alarm you, but it’s as exciting as anything has been in months.

He tells you the sun seems to shine eternally in California, and that they always did tell him he was a stormy child, so he paints gloomy when he misses New York. This is a line that works far better than his cheap flirting. Scary as it is, he thrills at the idea of playing his most difficult role for an audience of one: himself, laid bare.

“You any good?” you ask him one day, absentmindedly, in reference to his acting. He shrugs his shoulders. He is letting you into the intimate cove of his inner life: the paintings, the shoe-box closet of a studio. On his canvases, colossal waves defeat tiny, lonely ships; a father holds a weeping mother; a handsome man peers into the mirror of his soul, and finds nothing good.

“Am I any good?” he asks, referring to his art. You nod, finger grazing over the shipwrecked scenes. “They’re sad,” you comment.

“Well, homesickness is a bitch,” he replies. His tongue swipes across his bottom lip in the nervous way you’ve noticed it does. “What kind of art do you do?”

“Happier stuff, sometimes. Mostly right now I’m sketching, looking for ideas. I’d do more models, but can’t find any good models.”

“In L.A.?” he asks. You nod, still picking through his paintings. “I find that hard to believe. I’ll model for you,” he offers.

“What’s your price?”

He doesn’t think it over. He answers, “Free.”

“Oh c’mon.” You look askance at him. “Nothing’s ever free.”

“Alright, then how much can you pay me?”

“I’ll supply lunch.”

He laughs incredulously. “You make no sense to me.”

“I think that’s a good thing. The things that you make sense of seem terribly depressing.” You nod to the painting in front of you, a naked woman stretched out on a mattress, cotton panties with a pink bow tie and a glass of wine in her hand. “Is this what you think femininity is? Breakdowns in pretty underwear?”

Covering your hand, he stops you from flipping through more. “Okay, my price just went up. 10 dollars and lunch. Any other critiques will cost you.” He frowns at the painting, swiping a thumb over the edge. “How do you know that isn’t a real woman?”

You take your hand from him, though not unkindly. You both share the knowing look of two people in the depths of flirtation. “I don’t, I’m being cruel and I’m sorry. But you’re lucky you’ve got a nice nose, because those prices are outrageous.”

His laugh has no room to echo in his little studio, so of course it has no other option but to nuzzle itself in the pit of your stomach. You divert your eyes back to the canvases and their depressing scenes. “I like you very much, despite myself,” you tell him frankly, “but I won’t sleep with you.”

“Why? Afraid of cooties? I’m vaccinated against them.” He lays the charm on thick.

“No. I’ve already had a case or two.” As you look up, you watch his eyes drop to your lips. There is an enticing concoction of nerves brewing inside of you. They churn together mightily as you do your best to make out your next line: “I just don’t fuck actors as a rule.”

He clicks his tongue, leaning in closer. He smells clean, like laundry detergent and toothpaste. “Rosemary’s Baby situation? If so, I get that. That’d do it for anyone.”

“Hardly,” you grin. Your fingers brush against the fabric of his shirt. You tell yourself it’s because you want to keep him at bay, but the surge of excitement you feel doesn’t really indicate that. “It’s just this thing I have. I don’t think artists do well with other artists, regardless of the profession. I’d only make an exception for one man.”

He narrows his eyes, holding himself in the precarious position. “Who?”

“Gregory Peck.”

“He’s dead!” he gawks.

“What a relief, huh?” you joke. “I’d never have stood a chance against him.”

He’s leaning in then, and much to your surprise - and perhaps his too - you close the space between you. It's hardly anything of substance, barely a touch of the lips before it’s over. But he clutches the fabric of your cloth overalls and looks at you like some lovesick puppy, and you know it’s not finished.

There will be more. God, you hope for it.

“If it makes you feel better, I don’t think Gregory Peck would’ve been able to withstand you either,” he mutters.

—

March, 2010

He becomes the exception to the rule. You sketch the curves of his face, shadow in his eyes, pay special attention to the dip in the middle of his lips, and kiss him hard and fast, as though making it rough will make it mean less. He slows you down, laughing lightly.

“Let me be gentle,” he tells you, hand on the small of your back. You nod, nervous - you are always nervous around him, much to your dismay - and he tips back your head with a slight tap to your chin. As you open your mouth, he licks into you, fingers trailing down to the base of your neck and sprawling out across your chest. Dieter touches all that he can, eager and pleasant. He is cool against your skin but warm in your mouth, and you want him so badly you forget yourself, moaning when he presses you against a studio wall with his body.

He smiles against your lips and kisses his way down your body until his knees hit the floor, and there’s no place to go but up. You help him take off your shorts and you go to joke - to say something like “It’s not right that I’m the only one getting undressed” — but it dies in the back of your throat when he puts his hot mouth on you, over the fabric of your underwear. No one has ever wanted you past the point of patience, unable to spare the few seconds taking off your underwear would take. Not until him.

He makes you come without ever taking anything off, and then he does it twice more with your underwear pooling around your left ankle and your right leg propped over his shoulder.

Afterwards he asks if he can take the picture you drew of him home and you say, “Of course,” voice soft, pliable seemingly to affection. He kisses you before he leaves, and you sit in your studio, stunned by this man with his lovely nose and the soft ache you feel at the idea of wanting him more than you should.

You sketch him many, many more times and by the end of the month, you give him what you always intended for Atticus Finch. He draws patterns of the small of your back and dedicates himself to you like a role he’s wanted all his life.

—

November 2010.

He comes to your apartment bearing gifts: a newly purchased DVD player - receipt crumbled in his back pocket - and a movie called The Rapture. His eyes are aglow with boyish excitement when he extends them towards you.

Last time he’d only brought the DVD and you had to tell him that you were a part of the select few individuals in the world who did not own a DVD player. Unfortunately this meant the two of you had to spend yet another Friday night getting well acquainted with each other’s bodies and doing little else. He is not going to let that happen again, he assures, kissing you fully on the lips in greeting. He half forgets his promise when you bite down on his bottom lip, but remembers it when you nearly dropped the movie from your hand.

“You’re insatiable.” He clicks his tongue, a devious twinkle in his eye.

He works the cords into your television and beams when it works on the first try. “I was afraid it wasn’t going to and then I was going to have to ask you to read me the instructions while I tried again. Like some married couple,” he says, stepping back from the television.

The mention of marriage, even in the half baked, joking manner the two of you take to approach everything, makes you feel a bit queasy so you ignore it all together. “What’s this movie about again?” you ask.

“It’s self explanatory.”

“Well, explain it anyways.”

“It’s about the rapture,” he offers simply, with a shrug and an unforgiving smirk.

You make room for him on the couch, picking up the remote. The title screen flashes in front of you and based on the graphics, you get the feeling that this film is low budget. It makes you grin. “What?” he asks, looking at you.

“I don’t know. I had this feeling that you were one of those men who like those unheard of, low budget indie films with nudity and sex in it.” You laugh. “Tell me—am I going to see boobs? A little dick?”

He rolls his eyes, settling in beside you. Plucking the remote from your hand, he turns the movie on. “Maybe if you’re good during the show, but I don’t know. I don’t really like to put out for rude people,” he says flatly. “Now, shut up. You’ll miss the sex and nudity.”

You shake your head, laughing. “Please. You told me you put out for everyone, no matter the situation.”

Without looking at you, he says too soberly: “No. Not anymore.”

You don’t say much else after that. You don't know what else there is to say. After the film, you chalk it up to a crisis of faith. But after the sex, you realize he means: I only want you.

That’s the thing about those actors—you can never know what they mean until it’s too late. He’ll win Oscars for ambiguity.

—

January, 2011.

When you meet his mother, it's by accident.

You’ve been spending more time with him. Recently you’ve even started to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend when forced to put labels on it, but you never crossed this road—the parent one. It seemed far out, in the future, but not necessarily the immediate one. No one brings parents into something this pleasant.

He sleeps over at your place on the weekends, takes you to lunch on Wednesdays, lets you help him pick a home near the studio he’s working for. Then at three o’clock on a random Thursday, he trips over a wire on set and breaks his arm. He calls her before he calls you, and she finds her way to his home, bringing her motherly love into his L.A. life. You aren’t good with parents - not even your own - but you like her. She loves him, calls him Mijo, travels miles and miles and miles for a bone that sits in a cast and can only be repaired with time.

“Mami, this is my girlfriend,” he tells her, smiling ruefully at you. You shrug your shoulders as if to say “What can you do?”

He looks like her, shares the same eyes that you felt were honest, with the same dark brown hair. You are her surprise as much as she is yours, but she takes you in happily, smiling. “I didn’t know-,” is what she says before stopping, thinking better. But you know she didn’t know; it’s only been a handful of months, but you get what her son is like. He doesn’t tell his mother what he should, despite that he seems to tell her everything — a drifter out at sea in the Los Angeles area while she waits patiently for news in her lonely New York.

You witness a divide between them at the quiet dinner you share that first night. She gives him words and he responds with short answers, not harsh or disrespectful, but all of it lacking the ability to be built into actual conversations. He goes to the bathroom midway and you look at her, sorry and worried and she smiles - the same smile he has. You feel like you’ve known her ages when she smiles like that, and you tell her, “I think he’s really upset about his arm. It’s going to put him out of work for a little bit, and he really likes work.”

“Thank you,” she replies, eyebrows creased. “I know that he doesn’t want me here, though. I shouldn’t have come. He is a grown man and I know that but when things like this happen, I can’t help it. He’s my little boy.”

You think back to his paintings, the bleakness of the colors and the darkness of the subjects. “He misses you, I know,” you tell her, “I’ve only been with him for a little bit, but he’s told me a little bit about it. Really, I think it’s the arm. Or maybe it’s me.” You shrug your shoulders. “I don’t think he expected us to meet for a long time.”

“Probably not,” she agrees, smiling a smile that might be a grimace. “I’ve checked in at a hotel, but I just wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“You shouldn’t stay at a hotel.”

“I always do when I come to town.” She waves her hand through the air, dismissing it.

For reasons you can’t comprehend, you tell her, “Come stay with me, at least. I’ve got a nice apartment, close to the beach. He’s in the middle of doing reconstruction on this place, but I’m sure he doesn’t want you to be in a hotel.” You say that even though you aren’t sure; all evidence to the fact that he quite actually does want her in one, for reasons you can’t comprehend.

Before she answers he comes back, looking the same as he did before he left.

“It’s getting late,” he says, looking at you, and then over to her. “You’ve got a place to stay?” he says to her. She nods her head. “I’ll call a ride for you.”

“David,” you intercede, glaring at him now. “I’ll take her. She’s staying with me.”

He shakes his head. “You don’t have to—“ but you stop him with the ice in your stare. He sits back in his chair like a petulant child, and grabs the glass of wine in front of his plate. He drinks all of it down.

You take his mother into your house and she tells you things he probably wouldn’t: the divorce between his father and herself when he was fifteen, the thing that created the sea between them; the way he’s always loved art, that his father was the one who got him into acting and how he found the brush some time in between elementary school and college. She even confesses that her little boy, dark eyed and happy in childhood, is prone to being mercurial, and that’s the thing that makes her worry the most.

“I hope you stay,” she tells you after you guide her to the lone spare bedroom you have. It smells unused, which would embarrass you if not for her comment. “You’re the best one I’ve met. Not that I’ve met many.”

“I will,” you tell her with the certainty you gathered at dinner. You’ve got no evidence for this, either, and yet you feel deep in your gut that it’s the truth.

He calls you when you get to your own bed, no longer pouty. “Thank you,” he tells you in a voice that is looking to be absolved from guilt. You give in easily.

“You’re welcome. Your mother is a nice woman.”

“I know, I know. I love her. I just have a hard time showing it sometimes.”

“That’s worrisome,” you joke, tucking the telephone between your head and your shoulder. You flip absentmindedly through the television stations as you listen to him.

“I think I love you too,” he says. You hear him breathe in after the sentence, like he’s stunned by it himself. “I do,” he adds, clumsily. “I don’t just think. I do.”

You’d never thought about being in love with him. Not until now. “I love you too,” you tell him, slightly bewildered by the fact you can’t pin where it began—or how it’ll end.

“What are we going to do about it?” he asks softly.

“What’s there to do about it?”

A pause. Then, “Nothing. I don’t know. Get married?”

“David-“ you say and he cuts you off, knowing.

“I’m kidding. Not yet.”

“Not yet,” you repeat.

You let it hang between you for five full breaths. It is a lukewarm idea, not altogether unpleasant, but half baked.

“I’ve got to go to sleep. The pain pills are making me drowsy,” he tells you quietly.

“Okay. Goodnight,” you tell him.

You stare blankly at the television, the terrible franchise movie you’ve stopped at not distracting you.

A woman loved. A loving woman. You wonder how these new identities will compete with the other ones, like The artist. The friend. The daughter. The you who likes her own space.

Love is remarkable and unremarkable, happening on a Thursday and leaving you changed for a lifetime.

—

July 2011 A red carpet and a movie premiere, New York, New York.

An interviewer named Natalie asks you what you make of your boyfriend. Cameras flash, people yell at you to smile. You think the question over, and wonder why girlfriends aren’t given public relations too.

“He’s great,” is what you settle with, your smile irredeemably try-hard. They call him Dieter and you have to remember that. Don’t call him David, don't call him David, don’t call him Dav— “Dav—Dieter is very talented and I’m proud of him.”

Later in the week, you will be berated online by women who love him because of the uncoordinated way you stood next to him, and the awkward answers you gave while trying to remember to smile and call him Dieter and to not let them in to your world, even though he wants to hold your hand on the red carpet and doesn’t mind that people know you’re dating. You will laugh, but you don’t ever google yourself again after that.

That night you watch his new movie beside him in a grand theater, sitting in a floor length dress. Afterwards, he introduces you to people you have only ever seen on a screen before. They ask you what you do–if you’re in the “business.” They don’t cringe when you say you’re an artist.

One of them, a man you think is a little too pretentious, says he thinks himself a little bit of an artist, too. David winks conspiratorially at you. You let out a breath for the first time since you arrived at the event; you’re relieved to find your boyfriend does not change in these settings.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you after, when you go home. “About that all, really. I should’ve prepared you better. I knew it wasn’t great for you.”

“I’m not a movie star,” you respond. He smiles endearingly at you.

“Pretty enough to be.”

You grin, charmed. “I prefer the canvas.”

“But us actors, we’re artists too,” he says somberly, before his face collapses into a wide grin.

“You almost made me laugh, winking at me like that.”

You hang your coat next to his, feeling warm and easy. They’d invited you both to an after party, but he just wanted to come back here, kiss all night and maybe smoke some weed. Feels like a Big Lebowski night, he whispered into the shell of your ear on the way out. You don’t have that movie, so you hope he won’t mind the other entertainment you have in mind.

“Did I?” he asks. The question is just something to keep in his mouth as he watches your fingers tease the straps of your dress. They fall off your shoulders. He’s paying attention but he’s not. You are bare naked in seconds, which means the whole night you weren’t wearing any underwear, and that’s great. Hot. He wants to swallow you whole; he wants to marry you.

“Marry me?” he asks, awed

You shake your head, smiling. He grins too, radiant for a rejected man. This is your long suffering joke that will find the path to truth one day. Just not this day. Today all you find is a little more love in you for your movie star.

“I knew you before you were famous,” you say to him, riding him lazily on the couch. He gazes lovingly at you.

“You’re the only one who’s ever known me,” is his response.

—

February 2012

For an anniversary present he buys you an art studio the size of a loft. It’s too much, and he’s happy to give it to you.

“Thank you,” you tell him softly. If you speak any louder, you're afraid your voice might wobble with emotion.

He shrugs his shoulders like it’s nothing. “You showed potential,” he jokes.

Because you were ‘famous’ before he was, he likes to poke fun. He never minded, but now that the tables are turning, you’re reluctant to admit that sometimes you do. It’s not anything to do with the ego — you’re more than happy being the least famous in that respect — but if he comes to an art show of yours, it’s inevitable that a flock of people will gather around him, asking for attention, for autographs. They don’t care about your art as much as your boyfriend. You understand this in his world, with the cameras and the stars, but sometimes the breach of it into yours makes you feel insignificant. You can’t help but think he’s apologizing a little for it with this.

You kiss him so fiercely he stumbles back a little. “I love you,” you say, looking him in the eye.

“I love you too,” he replies softly. “I’m glad you like the present.”

You touch the indent in his lip with your fingertip. “My present seems silly now,” you say, smiling. You feel the movement of his lips as they tug upwards underneath your touch.

“What is it?” he asks.

You look back into his eyes. He looks at you expectantly, waiting, and you lean in, press your ears to his lips. “I got your name tattooed on my ass,” you whisper.

When you pull back he examines your face. You can tell he’s not sure whether you’re joking or not. Really, it could be either. Finally he gives up. “Let me see.”

You lift up your dress. Sure enough, you’ve got a fresh tattoo on your ass, but it’s not his name. Not his given one, anyway. “Bravo,” he laughs, swiping a thumb over your flesh. The letters are small, barely taking up any room at all. He likes it more than he should.

“I think it’s a pretty great present,” he tells you, inspecting the spot for a little while longer.

“It’s silly.”

“Not to me.” He’s on his knees, kissing your thighs. When his teeth glide against your ass cheek, you squeal, turning to look over your shoulder. “Of all the things my name has been spread across, your ass is by far my favorite.”

“I thought it’d make you laugh.” You smile.

“It does, but I love it.” He stands tall, wrapping his arms around you. “I’m going to marry you.”

You arch an eyebrow, turning in his arms to face him. Smiling, you say, “Was that a question?”

“Just a warning for now.”

—

November 2013 A Little Chapel, Las Vegas.

You had the pre-wedding jitters, but now you feel that nothing has ever seemed as right as this: marrying him on a Friday night in a Las Vegas chapel as facetious as you’ve both always treated the topic of marriage.

You knew someday the joke would become serious. He slides a ring that he got three hours ago on your finger, and your two wedding guests clap boisterously. There is the co-star of his who became available at last minute, and a nice lady in the lobby of a hotel who you asked out of fear the co-star wouldn’t come. Your veil is pink and your dress was someone else’s once, in the ‘70s. He wears the beige tuxedo he brought to Vegas for a movie premiere, and a silver heart bolo tie he long ago nicked from your own collection.

A bottle of champagne is opened and shared. He kisses you once, twice, five times, his hand drifting scandalously lower each time. Beneath your white dress is the intricate lingerie set you bought while he was frantically looking for rings. He touches the end of the garter and it doesn’t take much longer for you both to excuse yourselves from the ceremony.

David unwraps you like a neatly wrapped present, preserving ribbons and bows for memory’s sake. Your fingers rub affectionately across his freshly shaven jaw as he tucks his naked body between your bare thighs. “I can’t believe we did that,” you say, voice soft.

“I’m happy we did.” He kisses your bare chest and sinks inside of you, slow, slow, slow, until he is buried within you, close as he can be. You moan quietly, fingers gripping around his arm, your cunt adjusting to the thickness of him.

“I don’t think I've ever been so turned on in my life,” he admits, more sheepish than you’ve ever seen him. His lips brush against yours, before he sucks at your bottom lip. For a moment, he does nothing, only stays buried within you, kissing you tenderly.

Your fingers explore the expanse of his muscular back, traveling over the ridges of his body as his hips raise and he begins to move inside of you. You think you agree: he has never felt this hard - never felt this much - before.

“I love you,” he whispers. It feels like a thing he’s giving to you, asking you to keep safe for him. You wrap your hands around his shoulders and say, “I love you, too.”

After he cums, he says he thinks maybe you’ve been here before, in another life, and that you’ll be this way again, in another. It’s his classic brand of sentimentality and you adore it all the same. If he was any better at knowing himself - if he knew him the way you knew him - it’d come out like this: I love you down to my bones; I love you in a way that defies reason.

You tell him you think so, too.

—

December 2013

When you move into his California beach house, he gives you a key, along with full creative control. “You’re the artist,” he figures, and truth is, he’s never been good at making places his home.

You don’t have much work to do. Because you’ve been with him since he bought the house, it already bears your marks. Pieces of you in the bathroom: the toothbrush, the shower curtain and the color scheme. There is the painting you did of Lee Strasberg in the corridor, hanging like a royal portrait. The bedroom is full of you: your clothes, most of the furniture, one fourth of the sex toys. You renovate a single room in the back, facing the beach, so you can have a home art studio.

You are the happiest you've ever been, and he has never felt so much at home.

—

January 2014

Marriage bliss doesn’t ever stay with you long, but it’s no one’s fault in particular. He picks a grueling role that means something to him and transforms him in ways you don’t understand. You paint when you miss him. Sometimes it happens when he’s in the same room.

Art is important to you both, and the sacrifice feels worth it when you see what he’s completed: A film about the world, about grief, about being human. What you see on the screen is something you recognize immediately. A version of him that you’ve known for as long as you’ve loved him. At the premiere you cry at the opening scene, though it’s not sad. He squeezes your leg.

“I loved that movie,” you tell him on the way home. “Really, it was beautiful. The best thing you’ve ever done.”

He kisses you gently. “I did it for you,” he says.

You believe him.

—

April 2015

You stand at the back of the art gallery, puffing on an indulgent cigarette, fighting off tears. He is on the phone, apologetic and placating.

“Honestly, I forgot. I’m sorry. Really,” he tries to pacify.

“I told you. For months, I told you about tonight.”

“I’m sorry,” he says again. You hate the way his voice sounds: like he’s only sorry because you need him to be sorry.

“I’d never do this to you.” Someone comes out from the exit, and gives you a furtive look. You turn your back to them, embarrassed to be seen like this.

“Don’t do that,” he whines.

“Do what?” you whisper.

“Get mean with me. I am sorry. As soon as I’ve wrapped here, I’ll come to the exhibition.”

You crush out the cigarette with the heel of your shoe, sniffling. “You know, it’s fine. I’ll just see you at home.”

You hear his frustrated groan on the other end. You know that you’re beginning to be unreasonable. This is how your fights have always been: trying to see how far you can push one another until the careful calm gives way to anger. Today he breaks first, faster than ever.

“Goddammit. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

When he arrives, he brings a flock of cameras along with him. They crowd the door and make it hard for people to come in. He squeezes your shoulder in apology, and you take separate cars home.

When you have sex that night, he makes you cum three times. This is how he tells you that you were right—that he’s sorry. Sometimes you think it might be nice if he just said it.

You love him so much it feels like sometimes it might split you apart.

—

February 26, 2017 Dolby Theatre Hollywood, Los Angeles

When they announce his name as the winner for best actor, there is an astonished moment of quiet that washes over your little row. He turns you, wide-eyed and impossibly boyish, a surprised smile turning up at the end of his lips. You rise with him, proud tears prickling at your eyes. He laughs then, his hand gripping at your forearm as you move to embrace him. You the feel the vibration of his joy in your chest.

“Holy shit,” he mutters, running a hand over his face. His mother and little sister crowd around you, patting at his arm, kissing him on the cheek, before he escapes your arms and wanders up the aisle to retrieve his much deserved award.

For a moment, he is the most humble man you’ve ever seen: bowled over by the impossibility of what just has happened to him. He takes the gold statue from the woman’s hand, accepts a hug, and positions himself in front of the microphone. His tie is crooked but he’s smiling so wide that his eyes crinkle, and you feel so thrilled to know that the world loves your husband as much as you do. It has not always been easy to share, but at this moment, you feel the reward for doing it, tenfold. He lifts the statue up slightly, showing you, and you nod, clapping along with everyone else.

“Oh,” he says over the roar of applause. People start to settle into their seats and quiet their claps, and he says it again: “Oh, wow. Um. I don’t think I’m easily robbed of my words, but I would be right now had I not prepared something. Thank you to the Academy, to my director and dearest friend, Thora Mendez, who took this script as seriously as it deserved to be taken and never let anyone tamper with her impeccable vision. Thank you to the three women I brought with me tonight: my mami, who learned English from a television screen when she came here at twelve, and who always let me be whoever I wanted to be; my little sister, Mina, who probably thinks this is the coolest I’m ever going to get.”

He laughs again and Mina rolls her eyes, but smiles widely. “And thank you to my beautiful, beautiful wife, who has read every script with me since I met her. There was no way at all she could know this is where I’d end up. This–” he raises the award high, “--is for you as much as it is for me. In every character I’ve ever had the pleasure to play, there’s a piece of your beautiful mind. I love you all, and would be nothing without you. Thank you.”

When he comes back to you, he puts the award in your hand. It is heavy. You remember a time when he said it wouldn’t matter at all if he won this or not–that it doesn't really mean anything. His bright, dimpled grin shows how much of a liar he’d been.

You kiss him and the entire world fades away around you. All the sparkle and glamor of his world is diluted down to the pure joy of spending this single, incredible moment with him.

“I’m so proud of you,” you whisper, shedding tears. He swipes one away with the pad of his thumb.

“I love you,” he says back, kissing you again.

For the first time in a long time, you feel like you belong in this life of his again.

When he takes you home, it is late, nearly morning. He helps you take off your dress and waits by the door of the bathroom as you scrub off the rest of your makeup. Then he shuts the curtains in your room, blocking out the rising sun, and he pulls you close to him. He kisses your bare shoulder. He smells like mint toothpaste and the faded, warm essence of his cologne.

You part your legs for him and he enters you from behind, molding his body to yours. The sex is slow, his thrusts sleepy and measured, and you hold onto him the entire time, so in love you’re intoxicated by it.

You know will love him forever.

—

August 2017

“What do you mean you’ve found a place in New York?” you ask him, incredulous. He shuffles around your bedroom, hanging up his clothes. Today he looks tired, and it upsets you that you don’t know why. You both talk so little these days, busy and forgetful. But this feels like treason.

“It’s just a little apartment, for when I do plays over there.”

“And you didn’t want to ask me?”

“Ask you what?” he snaps. “I didn’t think you’d be upset about it. I told you a million years ago that I wanted to start prioritizing the theater after I won the oscar.”

“You didn’t think I’d be upset about the fact that you bought a home separate from the one we live in together, and then tell me that you’re going to spend multiple months of each year living there?” You scoff, disbelieving. “Fuck you.”

“It’s not like that.” He has the sense to stop what he’s doing and turn his body towards you. His frown deepens. “You can come whenever you want. It’ll be better for us both.”

“But this is our home.”

“That will be too,” he reassures. “You’ll like it. It’s a studio, with big windows and lots of light. I already bought you a canvas to paint a picture there, too, when you come.”

You feel a lump gather in your throat, but your anger ebbs. He looks so sincere—sounds so sincere—it’s hard to stay angry.

When you walk over to him, he wraps you up in his arms. “New York is home to me. You know that,” he says against the shell of your ear.

You nod your head, but can’t stop the tears from falling down your cheek and onto his shirt. You’re not sure when you stopped being home to him.

—

December 2017 New York, New York

“Baby?” he says.

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“We can make it better. Maybe go to couple’s therapy.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“I’m hoping I do,” you breathe out, looking at him.

Your love for him strangles you with its might.

—

February 2018 New York, New York

The acrid taste of failure makes eating an unpleasant task. You know you shouldn’t think of it this way, have tried not to, but you can’t help it. Your marriage is ending and your heart feels like it’s decided to beat slower today, just to torture you.

Or maybe it’s serious, solemn as your lunch-time confession to Dieter. You said you want a divorce and now your heart wants to stop all together, and is maybe making an honest attempt at it. There are old people who die of broken hearts, so why shouldn’t there be a few younger ones that do it, too?

After lunch you considered just going back home. You were tired, anxious, didn’t quite feel right trapped up in Dieter’s studio apartment anymore, waiting for him to come back from his stupid fucking rehearsals. But something felt unfinished, incomplete, so you went back to the apartment and now you wait, staring down at a soggy bowl of cereal while his shower runs.

Maybe you should join him, one last time. The very last time. Bile rises in your throat for the millionth time and you know just the fix for this terrible, never ending nightmare.

When you peek your head into the bathroom, it is filled with steam. He doesn’t remember to turn on the fan, never does. You don’t do it for him this time, just step inside with your surmounting grief and a desperate look in your eyes. Dieter wipes away some of the fog from the shower door. “Everything okay?” he asks over the spray of water. You don’t answer him.

You turn around while you undress, and he pretends not to notice. But he does notice, more than he’s ever noticed before. It’s like the last moments before something tremendously terrible takes over and everything changes: it goes so slow, but later it will feel like it happened in seconds. Time is unjust, senselessly cruel.

His soul feels like it’s being extracted from his body as you step inside the shower with him, the heavy weight of your united undoing drowning you. He wants to confess all—feels like an atheist on his deathbed, turning to God as you wrap your frame around him and cling. Like the fabled man pleading for eternal salvation in his dying hours, Dieter holds your head to his chest and wishes to give you years worth of devotion in seconds. Anything, so long as you won’t give up on him. Please, please, he says without saying, warm hands running over your back. I’ll be better, he longs for you to understand.

But you do understand: you’re no God. If he wishes to enter the church of you, become a devoted pupil, he’s going to be disappointed once more to find the thrum of humanity pulsing in you. Pure flesh, all human. You nag because he makes you nag and a million other things that he doesn’t like—that same old story, repeated and rehashed a million different ways. The moral of it: he doesn’t like you, not really, because you’re not fun enough and you hold him back and he wants more, and you don’t like him because he’s made you nag and you feel like a monster, and you remember once that you had been fun. You recall a movie about a woman without a face he showed you, and you are sick to know that you now resonate with her. None of this is fair and he’s never been religious for anything but the stage, anyway.

This is only scared cowardice because you’ve plunged him into the unknown.

He kisses you first, holds you up, swallows a mouthful of your moans, licks between your legs until the water is tepid. You don’t cum. He doesn’t get all the way hard, only works his way up to semi-erect, then softens completely under his own embarrassment.

They all said marriage wasn’t easy but he figured, sorta, that you’d both be different somehow. At forty, he is officially one year older than his father was when he got divorced from his mother. Maybe you didn’t ask for a divorce last year on purpose, just to give him something, in the grand scheme of things.

Your gesture says: We got a bad one, too, Bravo, but at least you ousted your parents, yeah? And morbidly enough, when he’s really bleeding out about this all later, the thought will soothe him. No mind that he provided no help, that you did it by yourself, because you are thoughtful, selfless, the best wife.

He will miss you more than you think possible—will, too, feel like he’s dying after you get on the plane home, to see your first round of lawyers. The play he rehearses for will be deemed his best yet, but it’s because in the weeks that follow your terrible lunch and your terrible shower, it will be all he allows himself to do in order not to ask you to reconsider him, as a whole.

Because he knows this: he will never be the husband you need, nor the one you want, and it took you so long to ask, didn’t it? You really thought it over, took a plane ride with the thought and still felt it strongly enough to ask after.

—

March 2018

You sign the divorce papers in separate places. He’s got a girl waiting for him outside in the car, half his age and stoned out of her mind. She thinks he’s signing on for another movie because that’s what he told her he was doing. At home, you’ve got a can of black paint and a painting he never finished, waiting for you to fix it or deface it. You’re not sure which yet. A marriage dissolves and takes you both with it.

You will host a slew of successful art shows in the months to come and he won’t work for the entire year, theater or otherwise. You think he’s being merciful enough to disappear from the public eye.

The truth is worse: he loves you so much he can’t bring himself to do anything but to try and forget it. He buries his love for you in a hundred people who aren’t you. Then he anonymously buys a painting of yours for more money than you’d ever think to ask, just because he’s so sorry it makes him sick.

—

March 2019

He buys a book about Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, who married and divorced twice, and in his first film since your divorce, he plays a doting husband. If it didn’t make him want to die, he would be delighted by a review that says: “For all of his celebrated range as an actor, Bravo oddly fails to capture the sincerity the role requires to make it believable.”

Instead, he calls you. You pick up after the second ring.

“Hello?” you say, a question. “David? Is that you? Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he replies. The sound of your voice works as a balm to his worries. He feels like he can breathe for the first time in months. The relief is so palpable, it nearly overcomes him. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting you while you’re doing something.”

“No, you’re not. I was sketching,” you tell him. He forgot how kind you could be. How self-sacrificing. He misses you.

“I didn’t know if you’d pick up,” he laughs softly. “I haven’t talked to you in a year.” He can hear you shuffling around on the other side, and he knows you’re sitting down.

After a beat of silence, you say, “I shouldn’t have, but I saw your movie and it was bad and I wanted to tell you that but then I heard you, and suddenly I wanted to tell you it was good.” You laugh, too. “It wasn’t so bad. Not really. I was just angry when I watched it. I’m happy you called.”

“Me too,” he replies, meaning it with all his might. “I’m happy you thought it was a bad movie because it was. I’m sorry.”

“For the movie?” You laugh again.

“For everything.”

“Oh, well.” There’s a pause, and he can particularly see you at home, on the couch, shrugging despite the fact that he can’t see you. It makes him smile to remember you like this. “I’ve forgiven you.”

“Just now?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s really good of you.”

“Mm,” you acknowledge, “I just don’t want you to make any more shit movies. I used to know you, and that’s embarrassing for me.”

He laughs so hard he starts to cry a little, mostly because he misses you, and because you’re being so nice when you shouldn’t. He clutches the phone in his hand and feels the love in his chest. It’s a heavy thing. “I miss you,” he says. “Not that I mean anything by that. I just needed you to know that.”

“I miss you too, Bravo. Next time you’re in LA, come say hi. I don't want to be your stranger.”

“No, I don’t want that either,” he says. “I’m in town next month.”

“Okay. Let’s have lunch at my house.”

“Okay,” he agrees. “That’d be nice.”

When he hangs up the phone, he feels better than he has in years. He knows he can’t go back with you, that what’s done is done, and he’s sorry, but he’s happy to be going forward now.

You’re the greatest thing that will ever happen to him. This he has, and always will, know to be true.

[reds-skull]

CW FLASHING IN THE VIDEO (3rd from the bottom)

This is it. 3 months in the works, the comic (and video) are finally done.

A little over a year ago, I uploaded the first work in Revenant AU, Ghost's origin comic. I never thought I'd write a whole series for this, but I'm so glad I did. I got a whole new hobby out of it, haha.

I already began working on part 2, but this for me marks the start of it. I'm really excited to get back into this world!

Under the cut there are some comments on the comic I thought some people might be interested in (don't wanna make this post longer than it already is lol). I will upload the frames from the video separately, with comments on it there.

Bottom line is, thank you for letting me just go wild with this :)

Okay, I'm mostly gonna talk about the part where Fate shows Makarov the 141+Farah. Makarov doesn't see the Fate of people as literal images, he often has to interpret odd symbolism in the flashes he gets from the Weave of Fate.

I decided to go for a style I saw in a collection of calling cards in MW3, mainly from this one:

You can really see it in the faces and pitch-black cel shading.

I'll be going in order of appearance, starting with Farah.

Obviously, each of the "flashes" shows the Reaping of each person, Farah being crushed under rubble. Behind her is a helo of green gas, which symbolizes the Russian experimental gas. The motifs around her are more interesting imo - they're taken from the Urzik flag (and yeah apparently it's "Urzik" and not "Urzikstani"... according to the wiki at least). Wings, plants (feels to me like a pomegranate and some sort of crop, but I couldn't find what it is specifically), and a moon, upside down.

I'm skipping ahead a bit, but I've had the idea to make a drawing of Gaz in the Hanged Man pose since I started the AU basically. I tried sketching it once, and it went bad so I gave up lol. But I decided to come back to that here, and add some sort of tarot connection to all of them. I know practically nothing about tarot, googled the meanings of each, they fit well enough, I called it a day lol.

So Farah is the Moon, upside down.

Price is next, showing him taking control of the brain of someone. I didn't use the flag of the UK for the 141 (it'd be kinda boring...), instead I took the Taskforce 141 logo, and broke it down to different elements.

I took the laurels for Price, both framing his illustration and sitting above his head like a crown. I decided he will be the Emperor.

Next up is Gaz, the Hanged Man of course. Gaz gets both the wings and the stars (I changed mine to 4-pointed because... I like them better). Pretty clear why, both symbols relate to the sky. The illustrations kinda follow a rough day cycle, if that makes sense. Farah being night, with the moon. Price with his golden and purple color palette, twilight. Gaz being sunrise, and Ghost and Soap, day. This is why Gaz has a sun behind him.

Ghost was fun because he's the only inhuman one out of the group. I'll let you think what that implies, that even in Fate's Weave, Ghost is an outlier... Ghost gets the skull, and the card "Death". That one was easy, but what I did add is blood flowing down the skulls, like tear tracks...

Soap, the problem child, gave me the most issues as always. For once, it wasn't his fucking face, it was the flames behind him, and overall contrast and readability issues. Soap's illustration is probably packed with the most "hidden" details, though they're obvious if you've read the fic and Konchar's side story. The headless man behind Soap is Konchar himself, holding 4 chains with dog tags on them. The 4 soldiers from Soap's squad, who he killed before Soap was Reaped. Soap's pose is from the moment he came to his senses, after getting shot in the head and destroying a large part of Verdansk. He has 4 swords, pointing at him and downwards, so his card is 4 of Swords, upside down.

Between Soap and Ghost is a circle and a triangle. I'll explain that in the post concerning the video, since that's where I got that from.

If you read all of this, thank you so much! There will be another post for you to read in a moment lol

[tapakah0]

Animation commission I guess...

Um... ha-ha, okay, it has been stuck in my head for the whole month, but if I will keep it any more I will explode, I need to busy my brain even more I'd like to take an animation commission. Like, a fully colored, shaded, with lightning, with in-betweens, with the clean line (and background). Up to 5 seconds depending on what you want to get I guess the price may start from 250$ and be higher or less depending on complexity of the details, character or movement (<- of course everything will be negotiated) I never took such commissions before so please be patient with me since I might spend even months ha-ha (really wanna beat this fear of taking something more complex) But I will do my best since it will be first experimental time for me 1. Payment via Boosty after acceptance of the sketch animation (very rough idea) 2. I think I can draw mostly anything (but won't 18+, guro and I can decline something if I feel like I will not like to do it) 3. You must have a reference of the character, I'm not ready to work with something that doesn't have a ref to start working right away 4. Please, properly think of what you'd like to see, I will not make 3 different rough animations of different ideas because you suddenly had another idea ;~;; 5. Note me in dms if you'd like to take commission... (I'd like to move to discord later since it's more comfortable in here) Uh... I have only this as a more or less proper example (it was based on amazing storyboard by yeye23)

Okay, I'll just leave it here if someone really will be interested and will delete if it if it will be decided.... I just feel like my brain is dying if I don't have an enjoyable/stressful more complicated work on a side that demands an attention from me. Have a nice day

[eaudera]

eaudera's detailed tutorial for skin rendering

okay loves i've put together a tutorial in text form detailing my step by step process of shading darker skin + the brushes and techniques I use and why I use them. you will be following along as we shade a piece together, you can find the lineart to the piece here. *turn off your true tone and night shift displays for the most objective viewing.

i wrote a lot on the preview pictures, if you find spelling errors (which you def will) or are unable to read my handwriting, you'll find the typed out version of the writing in the alt text feature.

disclaimer: i'm not an art professor nor am i academically/classically trained in art. a lot of the verbiage and techniques i'm using to teach you all here are from my current self taught and observed understanding of art, light, and anatomy

support me: kofi / ig / twt / commissions

firstly, here are my two staple brushes. you can find the second brush here, i modified it by making it larger.

the lineart brush is very good for easy sketching and simultaneously cleaning up that sketch to produce the final lineart you'll be using in your piece. the diffusion from the erased parts/the diffusion created by lowering the pressure of your pen creates a light graphite effect which i enjoy! give it a shot.

you'll notice quickly that there are lighter strokes throughout this lineart, these are simply acting as rendering guides for me in order to remember certain placements. i erase/draw over these lines a lot.

i initially learned to shade skin on a completely grey background with very slight orange undertones, and for a while this was very helpful in providing the most objective view of the base colors you're using (objective as in free of being effected by colors of different values). as you might know, using a white background for dark skin will seemingly darken the value and dim the vibrancy of your base colors, and using a black background will do the opposite. if you're using a darker skin tone, you want your canvas shade to be of a value that is proportional to your skin tone to avoid the same problems created by colors with too light or dark of a value. now if you're using a screened device to draw, you have the extra burden of screen reflections/wavering color output on different screens, so you're never really sure if the exact color you're using will be consistent across the board. priming your canvas with neutral colors will help with that. whereas priming with more vibrant colors will slightly change the undertone of your skintone (especially if you're using a low opacity brush), but it makes for a funner canvas and more creativity with your color palette imo. if you're a beginner i recommend you stay below the wavy line to avoid too light of a canvas shade.

for these same reasons i avoid keeping my lineart jet black. when you lay down the base colors under a black lineart it can look very unfavorable.

here are some skin tone variants that i tend to use the most, peep how i never wander off too far to the left of the spectrum where the reds are. i definitely favor red-oranges as compared to green-oranges for my skin tones, however, because i stay primarily on the left side of the color spectrum for my rendering, red can quickly become too much too fast. so i make sure to use a skin tone that can work very well with green-orange shadows. for this specific piece i will use the third shade (#2d1606).

heres where the gouache brush comes in handy. i use it very loosely to "prime" the canvas almost. if you've ever done oil painting you'll realize very few artists draw directly onto a completely white canvas, though i've already primed my canvas essentially by changing the background color, i loosely shade over it with the skin tone color using the gouache brush. i find this gives me a better grasp on the composition of the piece due to increased harmony between the canvas and the skin color. it also looks really cool to me and resembles a real canvas almost.

as stated before, priming your canvas with neutral colors (grey) can help give you a more consistent view of your base colors, when you get the hang of understanding the colors you most often use (i.e, how they interact with other colors), you can start using more vibrant and fun colors to color your canvas with! the gouache brush changes opacity depending on the pressure exerted by the pen, if you zoom in you'll notice patchy areas where the canvas color bleeds through the layer more prominently than it does in other areas. for some people this might throw off the consistency of the shadows, but you should be fine as long as you're using a consistently opaque brush (which we will be doing)

i know i recommended beginners use a grey canvas like i did, but since this tutorial is using my techniques i figured i'd also teach you guys how to use variantly opaque brushes to your advantage. we will be drawing on the pink canvas from here on out.

a reference is so helpful, i still rely on references to guide my shadows/lights. i'm past the point of relying on references for exact coordinates for rendering or lineart, but they are still incredibly helpful. in most references of darker skintones you come across, color dropping directly from the picture will give you very grey colors! we want to prioritize vibrancy in this case, so attempt to formulate your own colors or colordrop and increase the vibrancy :)! keep in mind i'm now using the lineart brush to shade. the diffuse/soft corners of this brush allows fewer pixels to be scattered wherever you lessen the pressure, this is perfect for color dropping medium colors to blend two colors together. you'll see how i blend colors later on.

as mentioned previously, red can become too much too fast- so i avoid monochrome rendering as much as possible by using shadows of different undertones. my most frequent combination is using a red-orange skin tone and then using a green-orange shadow.

the value spectrum will be your best friend in mixing values and undertones, i use it all the time to formulate the best less saturated darker shadow that is proportional (not too dark, not too grey) to my skintone value. if the shadow is too green simply increase the magenta, if you're looking for a "reflective" shadow, increase the blue.

when i begin shading, i always slide the curser to a truer orange color on the spectrum and increase the saturation (slide towards the right) while i decrease the brightness (slide down). heres how it looks when i'm jumping between shadows and highlights while trying to keep my colors proportional (but not identical) to whats happening in the reference ^. i most often times will rely on the value tool, however.

you will notice that a lot of darker skin tones have patches of orange vibrancy, these areas are most common on the nose and cheeks. this is only a detail to pay attention to if you're going for more of a realism rendering style :)

now onto how i prefer to bridge/blend colors together by utilizing the blend tool.

i do not like simply blurring colors in order to blend colors together, it can lead to overblending which can make your portrait look heavily gaussian blurred (think 2010 deviantart art... yea that). the brilliant thing about procreate is you can utilize brushes really efficiently, which include changing the brushes you use for blending. so in reality, artists who use the blending tool on its own can still have portraits that don't look it! there also exists plenty of brushes that have properties allowing it to blend into its surrounding colors are you draw. but in my case, the above photo is 99% of the times how i will bridge two colors together. doing this allows me to keep pretty consistent brushstrokes across the whole portrait, which i enjoy. it also gives me better control of the shapes i use in my rendering, an aspect that is pretty easy to lose when you're using the blending tool directly and solely.

in case the blending process is a bit hard too see, heres that same process recreated with different more visible colors:

now once you've placed your shadows where they generally tend to be (according to the reference photo), let's make those shapes a bit more specific and pick up on smaller details to make your rendering look more complete.

your base colors will never be as dark or as light as you need them to be when you begin rendering, making sure you have a decent contrast between your lightsource highlights and the shadows is key to capturing the essence of a light being cast on your character. it's much easier to keep building upon your shadows before rendering the highlights, i laid down the highlights only to create a guide/help me map my shadows better. do not darken the entirety of the areas affected by shadow, you'll find that shadows are rarely ever the same value, it's a gradual process affected by things like position, height, etc. so make sure the darkest of your shadow colors are preserved only in areas where the shadows are the or should be the darkest.

you'll notice i labeled some areas as "detail", adding very specific shadow placements is a detail. in the reference, the model has a pretty prominent brow bone, creating a shadow over where his eyelid creases just above his lash line, paying attention to feature details like this help enhance the rendering and its realism.

now that i've mapped my shadows i'm going to move onto to rendering my highlights and the region of the face where the lightsource is most prominent.

i described shadows as a gradual process earlier, this is because of the lightsource. light tends to spread when its further from the affected surface, creating a larger area affected by the light. of course, this varies depending on how intense and how close/far the light source is. in this case, the light is being casted above him further to the other side of his face, but again, remember that the face is not 2d and more prominent areas are affected more by light. it's due to this that there still exists a, albeit very minimal, shadow beneath his cheekbone. i exaggerate the shadow here for stylistic purposes, but it also helps in keeping me uphold that contrast between the highlight and shadow once again. so i refrain from blending the light into this area like i did in other areas.

midtones are the areas most unaffected by the light source, they're neither shadows nor highlights. and because light spreads, it is brighter in certain areas and darker in others. it is most easiest to blend the darker ends of the highights into the midtones of your portrait. you can emulate this by once again using your blend tool. blend the outer areas of the light and colordrop this color and use it as the darker light more proportional to the midtones. note that before i add even lighter shades to the areas where light is most concentrated, i blend what highlight placements i currently have there.

we're going to switch gears now and focus on the reflective shadow occurring on the darker half of his face.

this shadow is a reflection from the lighter background the model is up against, the light being casted above him is allowing for some bounce back from his surroundings, leading to very faint light visible in areas primarily affected by shadows. hence why i'm referring to these colors as "reflective shadows".

in this case, the reflective shadows are blue, or appear to our eyes as blue. on darker skin, "true" blues (blue-purple) are not often times present. what is present rather, is a very grey tone with cool undertones/a grey tone on the blue side of the spectrum, which creates a blue that is much more proportional to the value of the skintone than a true blue. in this case i used a deeper grey on the pink color spectrum, which is more purple. this was intentional, and was done in order to create some sort of color harmony between the contrasted deep oranges im using for the bordering shadows and the blue-grey i'm attempting to emulate.

while i utilize this blue-grey, out've a purely stylistic choice, i still introduce true blues to my rendering. in fact i love using blue/purple reflective shadows in my art, it creates a stunning and colorful render. in this case, i used the blue-grey as a stepping stool to introduce that trueer blue more naturally. you'll see this happening in the second picture above, where i used a slightly more vibrant and slightly more brighter blue, and used it on areas where this reflection was more prominent (and therefore brighter).

you'll notice how the shadows that border on these reflective colors are less saturated and darker than the shadows on his chin. introduce a darker and less saturated (more green) shadow to that area on his cheek and the darkest shadow of this photo, the sunken area near his nose bridge and inner eye corner. i emphasize this line in the lineart so you can follow this shadow more accurately:

this is also a detail in my opinion and can make your portrait more realistic if you include.

we're going to pivot to his neck area before continuing. you'll find the area of his neck with the most light is also the least vibrant, i laid down a grey base color to emphasize this detail in the portrait. afterwards i added key details. i wanted to stay at least somewhat true to the color dynamics occurring in the reference hence why i used the grey, but i'm not a very big fan of using blatant grey directly on the skin, so i made it more blue.

moving forward, the outer eye and the nose can be some of the most "detail focused" areas of the face when it comes to rendering. due to their more "bulbous" anatomy, light tends to curve around them in more complex ways than the flatter parameters of the face.

when it comes to the many creases that surround the eye, the skin folding over itself creates a very thin shadow from between the folds. the key to rendering this crease is to concentrate the blending to a very small scale, do not overblend the area because the hill created by the crease very easily captures light, creating an area where the shadow and highlight meet in very close proximity. slight blending is needed for this area, you can deepen the shadows in both horizontal corners of the eye for more accuracy. the midsection of the total eye area (eyeball and socket) tends to capture the most light, remember this is due to how bulbous rounder shapes tend to capture light from whichever direction its coming from.

this is of course the case for the nose as well. highlights are typically placed as a dot on the outermost part of the nose by artists, but highlights also spread on either side of the tip of the nose. the nose tends to collect a lot of oil, creating a sort of sheen on the upper parts of the nostril. when rendering a portrait where the position of the head is more cast to the side, the highlight of the nose changes from the bulb of the nose, to the upper nostril. in this case, the highlight spreads, causing a "half tone", or the remnants of the light on the bulb of the nose. this is the easiest place to blend highlights and shadows together. now for the shadow detailing on the nose, i'm actually drawing on top of the lineart on a separate layer. which i'll go into detail about in the next part. you want to focus the shadow on where your lineart is, the outermost part of the nose.

now were going to really detail your portrait by introducing a new layer, the detail layer! this isn't technically apart of the skin rendering, so i'm gonna keep it very brief. this is the layer you're going to render the lips, eyeballs, and eyebrows. more specifically, the purpose of this layer is to reduce the reliance on lineart. in terms of order, it goes above the lineart layer. we're going to soften and even erase the lineart in certain aspects. i use bolder/thicker lines when creating my lineart, but this can become a nuisance/hinderance when rendering.

starting out with the lips:

people w brown skin tend to have two toned lips, with the top lip resembling the same skin tone as the face and the bottom lip being redder/pinker and lighter than the upper lip. in my case, i prefer a more vibrant red for the bottom lip. once i lay down these base colors, i begin shading on the second layer.

i personally enjoy the look of a poutier lip shape, this includes emphasizing the middles of the lips as opposed to the ends. i've highlighted the shapes that this lip shape often entails. the small circles on the corner of the lip line are just pockets that occur when the mouth is closed and become emphasized by the fat around the mouth. the parameters of the lip lines do not often meet these round corners, theres often times a "double lip line", that exists around these areas. i love including that in the art, its very easy to emphasize by simply drawing a highlight from the corner of the lips along the curvature of the bottom lip towards the middle.

shadow mapping on the lips tend to go: highlight, shadow, highlight, shadow. the top lip going inward creates a highlight on the most outward part: the top of the lip. and the bottom lip curving outward thus creates a shadow on the bottom of the lip.

when it comes to the eyeball, i don't draw the white parts as solid white, nor do i make them too bright most of the time. they're most often times an orange grey, i also dont spread this color out if you can notice the uncolored white part of the eye. i do this intentionally to keep some of the shadows that are naturally present on the eye. very specifically right where the upper eyelid sits on the eyeball, it tends to create a small shadow that follows the curvature of the eye. this shadow is crucial, if you can see the first and second picture do not have this shadow, making the iris look more exposed and the eye appears to be held wider.

when it comes to the iris, i do very little. if i'm drawing a dark colored eye i will cover the entire iris brown, before darkening it with an almost black color. i leave the brown sides of the iris exposed to aid in bridging the values between the whiter parts of the eye and the very dark iris. this blended ring also appears on all eyes in real life. lastly, dark eyes tend to show light reflections much easier than lighter eyes. these reflections can be any color in art, in this case i kept it blue-green. i bend these reflections around where the pupil would most likely be depending on the drawing.

next, the eyebrow. i find it tedious to draw individual eyebrow strands when it comes to rendering, i actually prefer to blend the parameters of the eyebrows to create cohesiveness. sparse and fine eyebrow hairs are penetrated by light and shadows more than what you'd find on the scalp. it's harder to see light on someones scalp due to the bulk of hair crowding the scalp, whereas as its easier to see such light on the eyebrow. to introduce this concept to my art, i will initially draw the entire shape of the brow. then when rendering, i erase the parameters, leaving the darkest part of the brow. then i blend. the lower brow bone will be blended the least, whereas the area of the eyebrow connected to the T zone will be the most blended thanks to the shadow following the nose bridge. the far end of the brow by the hairline tends to be the lightest given the light source.

and lastly, i loosely draw a white border around the portrait for stylistic purposes. then i combine the layers (group together your layers, then duplicate and compress the duplicate group so that you still retain your individual layers) to edit. i typically add noise and play with the curve setting. and heres the finished image:

i hope you enjoyed!!