#oliveswc

[rubysunnday]

alone together

A/N: @lxncelot since you said some of your prompts were from musicals, I decided to combine them with the legendary Bridgerton Musical and my fav boy Colin Bridgerton (luke newton likes my edits, FYI)

Summary: He set eyes upon her in the year of 1814 but it wasn't until 1819 that Colin Bridgerton finally got the chance to win over Y/N Y/L/N

1814

It was hot. Colin was very aware of the sweat beginning to drip down the back of his neck and was beginning to become very irritated by the edge of his collar constantly stabbing the side of his jaw. Daphne had been and gone and was probably enjoying the fresh air outside.

He, however, was stuck indoors until the debutantes finally stopped their preening and pouting. Colin raised a hand to his neck, scratching under his collar and shifting the fabric to air his neck.

"Stop fidgeting," Anthony hissed, leaning over.

Colin froze, thinking Anthony was talking to him. But Anthony leaned past him and over to Eloise and Gregory who both looked as unhappy as the other.

"It is hot," Gregory whined.

"There is only one more, " Benedict whispered, nudging Gregory and giving him a reassuring smile. "Come on, Greg."

Gregory sighed but stood straighter, allowing Benedict to fix his collar and shirt. Eloise huffed, poking at the pins in her hair only for Francesca to slap her hand and for Eloise to return the slap.

Anthony groaned quietly. "Will you lot behaviour, for the love of -"

"Presenting Miss Y/N Y/L/N. Presented by her grandmother, the Right Honourable Dowager Duchess of Crawley."

Colin perked up. Well, the entire room did. The Dowager Duchess was notorious amongst the ton for being quick-witted, harsh with her tongue and for having more money than, as some suspected, the queen.

The Dowager Duchess was a very private person, holding very few balls or parties and rarely attending the London season. Colin didn't even know that the Dowager had a granddaughter. And judging from the expressions on everyone else in the room, no one else did either.

As the doors swung open, everyone leant forward to catch their first glimpse of the mysterious granddaughter that had materialised out of nowhere. The sound of a cane hitting the floor broke the silence as the Dowager walked into the room, a young girl at her side.

Colin stared. And didn't seem to be able to do much else. His eyes followed her as she walked down the room - head held high, back straight, taking even steps the entire way. The perfect debutante.

The queen was already standing before Y/N had even reached her. She gracefully moved into a deep curtsey, lowering her head as the queen gazed down on her.

"I did not know you had a granddaughter, Constance," the queen said, ignoring the entire room in favour of having a catch up with her oldest friend.

The Dowager Duchess nodded. "Indeed. My lovely granddaughter, Y/N. I became her guardian ten years ago when her parents - my son and his wife - passed away in a terrible fire. She decided to join society, not me."

The queen looked down at Y/N. "Stand, Miss Y/L/N, please."

Y/N rose and raised her gaze to meet the queens.

The queen stepped forward and took Y/N's hand, holding it between both of hers. "My condolences for the death of your parents - no matter how many years pass, the pain never ceases."

"Indeed, it does not, your majesty," Y/N said.

Colin even loved her voice - Jesus Christ he was besotted.

"I am glad you decided to join us, Miss Y/L/N," the queen continued. She raised Y/N's hand and pressed a kiss on her gloved hand. "A flawless entry, my dear. I wish you the best of luck."

"Daphne has competition," Eloise whispered as Y/N and the Dowager Duchess left.

Benedict elbowed her in the side and Eloise let out a grunt of pain, retaliating by smacking her brother in return.

Colin watched Y/N go, his eyes never leaving her. As the doors shut, she turned to face him and gave him a smile. It was the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen.

He just had to fight to make Y/N his.

1819

Dearest reader, another season has arrived and with it the knowledge that only one Bridgerton man remains. Colin Bridgerton has yet to make a match despite numerous offers and women falling at his feet (sometimes quite literally). Will the 1819 season finally bring about a match suitable for the sole Bridgerton man left?

Not only is Mr Colin Bridgerton looking for a match - as is Miss Y/N Y/L/N - the granddaughter of the Dowager Duchess of Crawley. Miss Y/L/N had made a match with Lord Bately back in the 1815 season. But after a two-year-long engagement - that was of Lord Bately's doing out of his desire for his extended family to attend the wedding - there was still no wedding.

Dear readers, we all know what happened next.

Poor Lord Bately was injured in a hunting accident in June 1818 and died in July 1818 leaving Miss Y/L/N alone once again without having the chance to taste the joys of marriage.

Rumours are spiralling that she has arrived back in London and has been seen at the palace with her grandmother. Maybe, like Mr Bridgerton, the 1819 season will bring them both the happiness they deserve.

Colin had to give it to his sister-in-law. Kate truly did know how to throw a party. The idea of a costume ball had thrown him at first but looking around seeing the women dressed as icons from years gone by - he had to make sure to thank her.

He himself had dressed up. Normally he'd stick to his usual clothes with, perhaps, a different waistcoat. But tonight he'd followed in the footsteps of Arthurian legend - namely Lancelot. Dark red velvet jacket and a fake sword at his side made him feel important and judging from the looks he kept being given, it made him noticeable.

If only Colin could settle on just a woman. Even he didn't know what he wanted anymore. So many women had come and gone over the years.

"You look deep in thought already, brother," Anthony said, appearing at his side with a glass of brandy.

Colin raised his eyebrows at him. "What, in God's name, are you dressed as?"

"Leonardo Da Vinci, if you must know."

Colin snorted. "You look ridiculous."

"I am aware," Anthony muttered.

"You do realise that Da Vinci was -"

"Yes, yes I know." Anthony turned to look at him. "Kate made me. It's an inside joke between us that I shan't torture you by explaining."

"No, please do not explain - I do not particularly want to know what qualifies as an inside joke between the two of you," Colin said, shuddering at the mental image appearing in his head.

Anthony and Colin stood in silence for a moment. Colin could tell that there was something his brother wanted to bring up - it was obvious he hadn't come over merely for a brotherly chat.

"Miss Y/L/N is here tonight -"

"Oh, there it is," Colin said, nodding. "I was wondering why you had come over here."

"Colin," Anthony said, turning to face him. "I have seen the way you have watched her these past years -"

"Anthony, the woman is grieving, I am not going to try and court her so soon after the death of her fiancee."

"Colin, she is most certainly not grieving," Anthony said, chuckling. "The woman never wanted to marry Lord Bately - the two were merely friends and nothing more. Bately's parents forced him into it."

"Surely she should be grieving, however?"

Anthony shrugged. "We all deal with grief in our own ways. She is a private person, perhaps she does not wish to share her grief with the entirety of London." Anthony put a hand on Colin's shoulder. "Go talk to her, Colin. I am sure she would appreciate a friendly face tonight."

Colin sighed. He turned to go but paused. "Did Kate send you over here?" He asked, turning back to face Anthony.

Anthony simply smiled and sipped his brandy, not bothering to give his younger brother an answer.

Colin rolled his eyes. He turned back to the ballroom - full of dancing women and men. It wasn't hard to find Y/N. He would have recognised her anywhere.

She stood by the open french doors, a glass of champagne in hand, laughing at something Penelope had said. The moonlight was lighting her up from behind, making her look like an angel.

Colin was so transfixed he walked directly into a server carrying a tray full of champagne glasses. The tray fell to the ground, the glasses smashing onto the floor, champagne spilling onto the marble.

"Shit! Sorry!" Colin exclaimed, trying to catch the tray but only succeeding in making more noise.

A few people turned to see what all the commotion was about, but the band was so loud many simply didn't hear the chaos.

Colin bent down and quickly began helping the server pick up the broken glass, ignoring the man's insistence that he could do it himself.

"Mr Bridgerton, you are a calamity with feet."

Colin's head shot up at the sound of Y/N's voice and he almost dropped the pieces of glass he was holding. "Miss Y/L/N! You do not need to help, I can manage."

"Yes, clearly," Y/N said, looking pointedly at the glass cutting through his glove.

Colin sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "My apologies, Miss Y/L/N."

"Y/N, please." She looked at him. "We are friends, are we not, Colin?"

Y/N stood up, putting the broken pieces of glass onto the tray and apologising to the flustered server once more.

"So, were you so transfixed in my beauty that you walked straight into the server or were you simply not paying attention?" Y/N asked, moving back to her spot by the door.

Penelope, typically, had made herself scarce. But Colin was certain he could see her loitering with Kate and Anthony in the far corner, all three of them watching intently.

"Well," Colin said, moving closer to the door and behind a plant - out of view of his brother. "I did tell you we would meet again, did I not?"

"Yes, but that was almost five years ago, Colin."

"I went the long way around, my apologies," Colin replied, bowing slightly. Colin looked up and tried not to groan loudly as he spotted Benedict and Sophie watching him from the other corner. "Shall we go outside?"

Y/N nodded, a smile appearing on her face. "Of course."

Colin offered his arm to Y/N and tried to ignore the shiver that ran down his spine as her arm rested against his. As they walked out the door and passed Anthony's hiding spot, Colin flipped off his eldest brother behind his back. If Anthony's snort of laughter was anything to go by, the gesture hadn't really landed how Colin had hoped it would.

Y/N let go of Colin's arm as they emerged onto the terrace. She wandered over to the fountain that was trickling away in the centre, pulling her gloves off as she walked. Y/N paused and ran a hand under the water, watching it move over her fingers.

"I am glad you decided to come back to London this season," Colin began, standing awkwardly behind her, his hands clasped together behind his back. He silently cursed himself for being so abrupt - he hadn't seen Y/N for years and it appeared all of his sensibility had gone. "Sorry, that was -"

Y/N chuckled. "No, no," she said, walking around the fountain, her hand still under the water, "it is fine. I have missed the London season - hard to believe I know."

Colin nodded, pressing his lips together. He had so many questions he wanted to ask - but none were deemed suitable enough in his head.

"You can ask."

Colin blinked and found Y/N had paused her circuit of the fountain and was staring at him, a smile on her face. "Pardon?"

"You can ask - about Lord Bately. Plenty of others have. I do not mind."

"Oh. Well, I just wanted to extend my condolences -"

"You do not," Y/N said, smiling and shaking her head. "Ask what is really on your mind, Mr Bridgerton."

"Did you ever love him?"

Y/N snorted. Her eyes widened as she realised what she'd done and her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, pardon me. I did not mean to make that sound aloud."

Colin found himself smiling at her. He approached Y/N, slowly walking around the fountain. "I take that as no, then?"

Y/N sighed. "Thomas - Lord Bately, even... we were just friends. Nothing more. Our engagement was a matter of circumstance and peer pressure from his family and nothing more."

Colin's eyes widened a fraction. "Circumstance? He laid his hands -"

"Oh, God no!" Y/N exclaimed, ducking her head as her face turned red. "No, absolutely not." She smiled and sighed. "Thomas was..." She trailed off, hesitation clear.

"I shall not tell anyone anything we discuss," Colin assured her. "I promise."

"That's very noble of you, Mr Bridgerton for I am sure the ton would love to know the truth," Y/N said, sighing once more. She sat down on the edge of the fountain and placed her hands in her lap. "Thomas was not someone whom society would deem... 'normal."

"How so?"

Y/N turned to look at Colin as he came to stand in front of her, his attention solely on her. "He loved men. Simple as that. No woman had ever or would ever take his fancy. He just did not love them that way." She took in Colin's surprised face and nodded, laughing dryly. "Scandalous, I know."

"No, no, I do not think so," Colin said quietly. He slowly approached and sat down next to Y/N, their arms brushing. "We should be free to love whomever we please."

Y/N looked at him. "That is very futuristic of you, Mr Bridgerton. Sadly, I doubt the ton would share that sentiment."

"What happened to Lord Bately? I am assuming someone found out," Colin said softly, not wanting to pressure Y/N into explaining if she didn't want to.

She hesitated for a moment, her eyes fixed on the lantern sitting on the wall opposite them. "Thomas was caught with a male servant by his father. The servant was fired and Thomas' father insisted that Thomas find a woman to marry before the month was out." Y/N closed her eyes, pressing her lips together. "I suggested he marry me. I did not want him to suffer in a marriage with a strange, unknown woman. I thought that marriage to a friend would be preferable to that of a stranger."

"That was very kind of you."

Y/N shrugged. "He is my friend."

Colin's heart paused at the present tense. His hopes were dashed by a single word because clearly, she had not moved on.

"I did not misspeak, Mr Bridgerton - I see your devastation on your face," Y/N said quietly, her eyes cast down to her dress. "Thomas is not dead. He faked his own death to escape the life he did not want and fled to Australia with the servant." Y/N laughed. "Now that I say it aloud it all sounds like a tall tale. But, alas, I am available once more and if rumours are true, Mr Bridgerton, you are too."

Colin, for once, was speechless. It took his brain a moment to catch up before he dared speak. "I see you have been reading Lady Whistledown."

"I think we would struggle to find someone in London who does not read Lady Whistledown, Mr Bridgerton." Y/N sighed, looking straight ahead as she spoke.

Y/N turned to look at the water in the fountain, Colin's eyes latching onto the connection they'd made in the reflection of the water.

"I remember my debut," Y/N said softly. "And how you watched me the entire time."

"I am sure plenty of others were watching you."

Y/N shook her head slightly. She turned to look at Colin. "No. They were all watching my grandmother. But you... you were watching me. I remember because I smiled at you." Y/N paused, her hesitation clear on her face. "If I have misread the situation, Mr Bridgerton, I will gladly leave -"

"But you are here now," Colin said quietly. "So, stay." He hesitated for a moment. "I am sorry that you never got your happy ending."

Y/N smiled sadly at him, the light catching the emotions in her eyes. "Thomas was never my happy ending. It was merely a matter of circumstance. Could I have been happy with him? Yes. But he was not my happy ending."

A sudden gust of wind suddenly danced across the terrace and Y/N shivered, goosebumps appearing on her bare arms.

"Here, take my jacket," Colin said, taking it off and draping it around Y/N's shoulders before she could make a sound of protest.

She pulled it tight around her shoulders and as she did so, Colin noticed, for the first time, her costume. The crown sparkled on top of her head and the purple and gold dress was in the style of the queens of old. Guinevere.

"I see you chose Guinevere," Colin said, sitting back down next to her.

"I see you chose Lancelot," Y/N replied, smiling at him. "I must admit, I do have a slight obsession with the legend. My copy has most certainly seen better days."

"What are books for if not to be loved until they are broken and weary, like us?" Colin asked. "For we love until we are broken and weary."

Y/N looked up at him. "A writer, I see. Tell me, Mr Bridgerton, what great tale of woe would you have written for Lancelot and Guinevere?"

"None for I believe their love to be the truth," Colin replied quietly. "When I was younger I would insist that their story be the only one my mother read to me. I was in complete denial that Guinevere married Arthur. Judging from the state my copy is in, I still am."

Y/N laughed, the sound like a harmony to Colin's ears. She leant into him as she laughed - the closest they had been for years. Y/N suddenly seemed to realise what she was doing and sat up straight, ducking her head to hid her embarrassment.

"My apologies, Mr Bridgerton, I -"

Colin leant in and pressed his lips to Y/N's, cutting her off midsentence. She hesitated for a second before she leant into him, her hand resting on the back of his head. Y/N threaded her fingers through Colin's hair as her other hand rested on his back.

Colin broke away and leant his forehead against hers. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, treasuring the kiss. As he opened his eyes, he found Y/N staring back at him, desire evident in her eyes.

"I want you," Colin said breathlessly. "Ever since I first laid eyes on you in that hall, I have wanted you. I need you, Miss Y/L/N. I want you."

Y/N smiled, biting her lip slightly. "Go on, then."

Colin leant in again and caught her lips with his. He moved so that he was practically sitting in her lap, their limbs entwined. Y/N leant back as they kissed, Colin's bare hand resting on her back, holding her against him as he straddled her.

Colin's hands trailed along her bare back, her bare arms and she could feel her dress exposing her bare legs as they leant further back. The water of the fountain brushed against the nape of her neck and Y/N put a hand on Colin's chest halting him instantly.

"Not here," she said, knowing there were far too many windows behind them. "Come with me," Y/N said suddenly, standing up, her dress falling back down to her feet again as she pulled his jacket around her shoulders.

She grabbed Colin's hand in hers and dragged him away from the fountain and towards the maze as the darkness absorbed them and their laughter.

[syllvane]

graphology- kaz brekker x reader

a/n: here it is, my entry to @lxncelot ‘s writing challenge!! i chose to write kaz x reader with the prompt leaving letters/notes in each other’s pockets! hope you guys enjoy!

Kaz’s pockets are almost never empty, but he’s always aware of exactly what he has in his pockets- something as simple as that could mean life or death in the Barrel, whether or not he happens to be carrying a knife or a stone of a particular weight.

That’s where he found your grocery list, in his coat pocket, somewhere between his lockpick and a small stone.

Well, he didn’t know that it was yours, not by the contents of the list alone.

But there was the irrefutable fact that it was written in your handwriting, in the handwriting that Kaz had spent hours memorizing should the need to identify it arise.

He had always imagined that this skill would be used in the unfortunate event of your kidnapping, that he would use it to discern whether or not they were forging any communication or if they were making you write it yourself.

Or maybe he just wanted an excuse to memorize your handwriting.

In any case, there was also the fact that you were the only one at the Slat who would be bold enough to wear his jacket.

Standing in the middle of the street, Kaz Brekker smiled to himself, folding the grocery list neatly and tucking it back into his pocket.

He doesn’t return it to you directly.

You find it neatly folded on your nightstand when you return from your shift at the Crow Club, with no clue to how it got there.

You try to carry nothing valuable in your coat pockets, not as adept as Kaz at detecting when someone is trying to pickpocket you.

You keep a lockpick and a couple of stray knives in your pockets and a small roll of gauze, having nicked yourself on the knives on more than a couple of occasions.

You don’t usually keep stray pieces of paper, so when you feel one in your pocket, you figure that it must be one that you left in there accidentally.

When you pull the neatly folded paper out, it’s not your handwriting on it, but familiar handwriting nonetheless.

The paper is mostly blank, with only ten words written on the entirety of the page.

‘Why do you have so many knives in your pockets?’

You know it’s him by the way he writes the letter ‘k’- the rest of the words could be written by someone else for all you know, but you know that Kaz Brekker wrote that one letter.

You ran your finger gently over the words, feeling the imprints of the letters from the other side of the paper.

You held the paper in your hand and walked back to the Slat and into Kaz’s office.

“You know,” He started without looking up. “Some people have the courtesy to knock.”

He looked up at you, his blue eyes piercing yours before dropping to the piece of paper that you held in your hand.

An amused look flashed in his eyes.

“I could just give you a holster for your knives.”

“I like having the knives in my pockets- they’re easily accessible and-”

“They stab people trying to put notes into your pocket?” He finished, his eyes sparkling.

You smiled at him, your eyes sparkling as well.

“Yeah, something like that,” You said, setting the piece of paper down in front of him before turning towards the door. “Oh, and Kaz?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for giving my grocery list back.”

He fights the urge to say that he didn’t take it from you in the first place, that you left it in his coat pocket. He knows that he should tell you not to use his jacket anymore and that next time you leave something, he won’t be as kind, but he doesn’t.

After all, Kaz Brekker doesn’t make threats if he doesn’t intend to keep them.

He settles for shaking his head, a smile tugging at his lips.

The next time he puts on his coat, he really doesn’t expect another scrap of paper in his pockets.

Once was a mistake, something that could be easily overlooked.

Twice was a pattern.

He opened up the crumpled piece of paper, expecting maybe another errant grocery list.

Scrawled in your handwriting: ‘Stay safe, boss’

His heart skipped a beat as he read the piece of paper and he felt himself blush slightly- thankfully for the cold weather, the note didn’t make his cheeks any more red then they would be otherwise.

He was going to have to address this.

For now though, he tucked the piece of paper in a pocket on the inside of his coat, near his chest, shaking his head at how sentimental he had become.

‘Stop stealing my coat.’

That’s the message you found in Kaz’s own coat pocket and you couldn’t say that it was entirely unwarranted.

And it’s the message that Kaz sees again later when he’s wearing his own coat, though underneath his original message, you had added a single word.

‘No.’

Maybe he should’ve been furious at your defiance, at the very least annoyed that you were going to continue wearing his coat after he explicitly told you not to.

Instead, he looked at the note on his desk with a strange smile appearing on his face, feeling something dangerously close to happiness.

The third piece of paper that you leave in Kaz’s coat, much like the first, is completely by accident.

Only this time, it’s not a grocery list that you’ve left in his coat, but poetry.

And if that wasn’t mortifying enough in itself, of course the words had been written in his name, though it hadn’t been addressed directly to him. It may as well have been though, having been left in his coat pocket.

All of this left only one option- you had to get it back before he could read it.

When you opened the door to his office, you were surprised to see Kaz sitting there, though not as surprised as he was to see you in his doorway.

His expression twisted into something unfamiliar but before you could place it, he coughed and his gaze became steely once again.

“You still haven’t learned to knock,” He said pointedly and you looked around the office sheepishly before stepping back into the hallway, closing the door in front of you.

You knocked.

“No one’s home,” He said, his voice muffled from the other side of the door and you rolled your eyes before opening the door again.

“Liar,” You mumbled, though not loud enough for him to hear. “I need your coat.”

He blinked.

“Last time I checked, you had one.”

“It’s not as warm,” You said and although that was true, it was not the reason you wanted it.

He stared at you, as if sensing that you were withholding information, but he didn’t push you on that.

“Why do you insist on stealing my coat?”

“It’s not stealing. I always give it back.”

“Stealing, borrowing without permission, what is the difference really, when I would never allow it of anyone else.”

You didn’t say anything to that, didn’t know what to say.

It wasn’t new information, but there was an unspoken agreement between the two of you that it wouldn’t be spoken aloud. You would steal his coat and Kaz would be annoyed, as if this was something all the Dregs did. You would give it back at the end of the day or whenever you were done wearing it and he would simply shake his head, a small smile playing on his lips and he would tell you not to do it again.

There was never any threat of reprisal, never any threats at all. It was probably better that way- he was known for making good on his word and he would have never lifted a finger against you.

You trusted him absolutely and it had scared all of your common sense right out of you.

“I am going to go to the Crow Club for business,” He said, interrupting your thoughts. “I am going to leave my coat here. Don’t take it.”

You wanted to ask him Why don’t you just give it to me?, but you stopped yourself- you already knew the answer.

Giving it to you would be crossing a line in his mind, a line that he probably couldn’t come back from. It was one thing to leave it here, knowing that you would probably take it against his direct orders and another to give it to you, to watch you put it on.

You watched as he shrugged the coat off, setting it down on his chair. He walked over to the door, his hand on the doorknob.

“If you leave it here, I’m going to put it on.”

He stopped, lowering his head slightly before turning the doorknob and opening the door.

“I wouldn’t leave it here if I thought you wouldn’t,” He said before walking out, closing the door behind him.

You stood there with his words for a little bit before walking over to where he had set his coat down.

You put it on gingerly, as if Kaz might walk back in at any moment and change his mind.

You slipped your hand into the coat pockets and ran through the list of familiar items: lockpick, a couple of stones, a pocket knife, and a wallet that he had taken from a tourist earlier today.

Also there, a scrap of paper.

You unfolded it to see that part of the poem had been ripped away, leaving the very last lines of the poem in your hand.

‘You are home and there is nowhere I would rather be but in your arms.’

Underneath the last words, in neat handwriting that you had come to know as Kaz’s: ‘I don’t think I could’ve said it better myself.’

[randomfandomimagine]

Expecto Patronum (Neville Longbottom x Reader)

Character: Neville Longbottom

Fandom: Harry Potter

Tags: Emotional hurt / comfort, fluff, hand holding, cuddling

Warnings: Slight angst

Word Count: 1,7k words

Summary: With everything that is happening due to the return of Voldemort, a scary storm is the last straw for Y/N. Luckily, Neville is there to comfort them and make them forget all their fears.

A/N: This is my entry for Olive’s (@lxncelot​) writing challenge with the dialogue prompt 10 “We should probably say goodnight” and scenarios 1 + 2 (*Playing with the other’s hand* & *Falling asleep on the other’s shoulder*).

AO3: Link

Reblogs and comments are appreciated!! // Masterlist

Neville Longbottom x Gender Neutral Reader

You were so tired that your eyes stung, but even then you didn’t close them. The distant sound of thunder startled you, causing you to shrink under the thick blanket that didn’t manage to ease your shaking.

“Y/N…” A hoarse voice suddenly called you. Terrified, you held your breath and listened, hoping you had imagined it. However, the voice called again. “Y/N”

To accompany the voice, a hand had heavily fallen on your shoulder. Throwing the blanket off you with a violent jump, you turned to see Neville stand there behind the couch you were sitting in.

“Neville…” You sighed, clutching your chest as your heart recovered. “You scared me…”

“Sorry!” He apologized, sobering up even though he was rubbing his half-lidded eyes. “Are you alright?”

“I can’t sleep...” Was your response as you wrapped the blanket over yourself and faced the fire again.

“The storm?” Neville asked, sitting next to you. “It woke me up and now I can’t fall back asleep”

You absently nodded your head, although your eyes were fixed on the crackling flames without actually watching them.

“It isn’t the storm, is it?” His once hoarse voice, prey of the remnants of sleep, now became soft as you were used to hear it.

“No” You admitted in a hushed whisper. “Not just that”

Just in cue, another thunder startled you again and you jumped in the seat. Neville’s eyes were focused on you, but you refused to meet his gaze.

“I’m scared too…” He admitted, and with the corner of your eye you caught how he hesitantly lifted a hand up. In the end, and after several more seconds of doubt, he finally pressed it against your arm. “Now that he’s back”

Neville didn’t need to specify a name, or even a euphemism of that feared name. In any case, you shuddered just at the thought of him. You felt Neville stare at you worriedly.

“Are you cold?” He lifted his arm, hovering over you, but hesitated and put it back down.

“No” You replied, instead throwing yourself closer to him and wondering in his warmth.

“Y/N…” Neville muttered, surprised but happy. Lifting his arm again after several seconds of shocked stillness, he allowed you to press yourself against his side. The wool of his sweater was soft, just like his embrace. “You’re shaking…”

You didn’t say anything, only shielding yourself in the comfort of his closeness. Nuzzling his chest, you closed your eyes and pretended like he was the only thing that existed at the moment. His warmth enveloped you, and for a moment it was enough. Only for a moment.

Another thunder broke out, startling you and causing you to yelp and jump in the seat again. Neville twitched a little himself, but he kindly tightened his arm over you and even put his other arm around you too.

An awfully loud silence settled in the Common Room. The harsh pitter-patter of the rain against the windows resonated around you. The crackling of the fire seemed to battle with the storm, failing in its attempt to reassure you that it was stronger than the threat outside.

“Hang on…” Neville pulled out his wand, holding it in the air for a moment.

“What are you doing?” You whispered, looking up to meet with his eyes. They were closed in concentration. He didn’t respond either.

Watching in expectation, you waited to see what he was trying to do. Then, after several more seconds, a spur of light came out from the end of his wand. You observed it, trying to make out its form. A sort of non-corporeal shape made out of pure white smoke floated in the air.

“Is that… a patronus?” You finally said, understanding his intentions.

“I can never get it to take a form” Neville replied, sadly eyeing the patronus.

“I-I told you I’m not cold” You gently reminded him, patting his chest. “And I don’t think there are dementors around”

“I know” He shrugged a little, suddenly blushing and doing his best not to look you in the eye. “I just… thought it could make you feel better… it could protect you”

Against all odds, you smiled. The thought filled you with a warmth that had nothing to do with the fire burning in the hearth. It was a wave of affection that made you want to snuggle closer against him and hold him tight.

“Here, let me show you” Your hands were still shaking a bit as you pulled out your wand. “Expecto... patronum”

Your wand produced a thin wisp of silver that floated in the air, not quite taking form either. Closing your eyes, you focused on the charm. You were having trouble with it just like Neville, despite having accomplished it during the DA meetings.

The theory was easy, you just think of a happy memory and say the spell, which should be enough to conjure a patronus. Putting it on practice, though, wasn’t as easy, especially not when your heart was full of uncertainty and anguish.

“Think of a happy memory” Neville reminded you, trying to help you. “Focus on it”

At that moment, it was hard to think of something happy. That uneasy emptiness that filled your chest, the one you usually linked with dementors, was very present at the moment.  It was cold, heavy and overwhelming.

Another thunder broke out in the sky, this one sounding slightly more distant than the others. This time you only reacted a little bit, but your eyes remained closed in concentration.

“Relax” Neville reassured you, further pressing you against his side. “Breathe”

You took a deep breath, only then realizing you were holding it. That helped a little, and a happy memory was suddenly emerging in your mind. A calm smile appeared on your lips. It gave you strength, and you felt your wand feel sturdier against your fingers.

You opened your eyes, watching the silver mist that floated in the air before you. Very slowly, it began to take form. Neville gasped in awe, and when you looked at him you saw how the light of your patronus illuminated his features. His eyes seemed to hold that pure light inside them with the reflection.

“It’s… beautiful” Neville smiled as your patronus floated before the fire.

It was a small puppy, acting very timid and insecure but gathering enough courage to move around. Soon it became confident enough to walk, spry and lively, as you moved your wand. The sight made you smile, a fleeting glee reflected in Neville’s expression when he chuckled in awe.

Your gazes met, but he frowned and averted his eyes. Feeling insecure, Neville stared at his wand and apathetically tried again. The formless wisp of silver magic floated still, twisting and turning as it fought to take a shape. It couldn’t.

“Relax” You whispered with a small smile, seeing that Neville’s brow was furrowed in strain. “Breathe”

“Okay…” He sighed, easing his shoulders and turning his exertion into a calm focus.

“Lift your hand a bit” You wrapped yours around it, moving his hand up to demonstrate.

Feeling his skin under your fingers brought you warmth, one that you thought he reveled in as well. The corner of Neville’s lips twitched in a bashful and restrained smile. Before you could make a fond comment about it, whoever, something distracted you.

“Neville!” You gasped, staring at the fluid wisp of magic coming out of his wand.

“I did it…” He uttered in awe, watching how the smoke-like ethereal substance slowly formed a shape.

“It’s…” You paused, needing a moment to ensure you were seeing correctly. “It’s a dog…”

Another puppy, this one slightly bigger, joined your dog shaped patronus. The two fondly butted heads and ran around together, playfully chasing each other and gleefully prancing together.

Your eyes met again, and this time none of you looked away. Neville’s face became brighter, now illuminated by the glow of the two patronus, who continued to run and play together. He smiled at you, completely filling you with comfort with that simple gesture.

Needing to express yourself, you urgently put your head on his shoulder, nuzzling his soft sweater and holding on to his arm with your free hand. The other still held the wand, letting your patronus protect you both.

Neville leaned back on the seat, gingerly pressing his cheek against your head. His hand, although hesitantly, also found its way to yours on his arm. With the other, he was maintaining his own patronus.

You thought of something to say. A way to thank him for his comfort, for his concern and for his kindness. Perhaps a comment of relief, of the fact that you had realized not everything was lost. The storm continued outside, but it was further than ever. The thunder, even if still somewhat loud, couldn’t affect you any more.

Your fingers played with his in a delicate caress that attempted to express all of those thoughts that you didn’t really need to voice out. In return, Neville gently rubbed his thumb against your hand, like a silent promise that he would always be there for you like he was now.

That way, drowsiness finally reached you. Exhausted after hours of tension and worry, all your muscles relaxed. You finally felt safe enough to abandon yourself to an enveloping rest. Neville’s soft breathing lulled you further into the doors of slumber.

"We... We should probably say goodnight" Neville uttered, barely loud enough for you to hear. "Go back to bed..."

"Yeah..." You mumbled, not bothering in opening your eyes. "We should..."

The two of you sleepily giggled. Neither you or him moved a muscle, treasuring that comforting closeness of your embrace. His touch was healing, warming the ice cold fear clinging on to your heart. Both your patronus hung in the air above our heads, becoming stronger with every second that passed in which you leaned against each other.

Maybe that fear within you wouldn’t disappear completely, but for the first time it was okay. Because now you knew someone was there to protect you. Thanks to him, you were reminded that you weren’t alone. Never would be. And after all, you realized… you had something to hold on to during that difficult time, and something worth fighting for.

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[murswrites]

A Burning Blizzard⎯  Matthias Helvar One-Shot

Pairings: Matthias Helvar x Grisha!Reader Fandom: Grishaverse MASTERLIST Word Count: 1.3k Warnings: Cursing, fluff, a wee bit of angst SUMMARY: A Grisha manages to melt a Fjerdan’s heart Part of @lxncelot​​‘s Writing challenge! Prequel to: “Could Be In Love”

Prompt #12: “We really shouldn’t.” / “Why? You scared?”

Prompt #17: “Are we friends?” 

*smiling proudly as you watch the other laugh so hard their eyes are screwed shut*

A/N This is a prequel to “Could be In Love” because I wanted to explore the dynamic I created some more :D This took me weeks to write but I’m so glad I took my time with it. God that last line FuCKING KILLS ME

It was uncommon to find Grisha in Fjerda. Even more so to find a Grisha being befriended by those sworn to slay such “beasts”. And one would say it was near impossible to even think of finding Grisha stumbling into a Druskelle camp.

Matthias met Y/N during the warmer months in Fjerda, some called it summer, but all that changed about his home country was that the sun stayed in the sky for a few hours longer. The weather wouldn’t matter had Y/N not asked for shelter due to a horrible blizzard.

It was uncharacteristic for a blizzard that time of year and for a random kid to show up outside his shelter. He’d been the only one of his team to stay back and watch the fire. Due to some idiotic happenstance, Matthias had been temporarily delegated to fire watch. It was boring but he secretly appreciated the rest.

He hadn’t known what to say to the person begging for safety from the storm but he knew his fellow Druskelle would have stopped elsewhere for the night… so he let the stranger in. Matthias remembers very little from his childhood and his family, but his mother always told him to be kind to others. Because that kindness would soon return to you in some way.

“Oh thank the saints,” Their voice set Matthias on edge, so did their use of thanking “saints”. Ravkan. He thought, realizing he may have made a terrible mistake. “I would have frozen out there.” Their Fjerdan was too good for any normal Ravkan, Matthias eyed them curiously.

“What were you doing out there in the storm?” Matthias decided to ask who they were later. Their intentions were more important to him at the moment.

They laughed in response, “I’d been looking for winter roses but soon the wind picked up and I lost my way. “My tent wouldn’t take to anything and trees are far and few between. It’s impossible to navigate in such weather,” They set down their pack, Matthias noted how well-stocked it looked to be.

Matthias grunted in disagreement, “Not impossible, just difficult.”

“I’ve got the keenest eyes in my family and couldn’t see an inch in front of me, anyone capable of walking through that hellish landscape is surely a Saint or Djel herself.”

Hearing the strange person mention his god made Matthias feel a bit better. They seemed to understand Fjerda despite looking horribly out of place. Their accent was a bit shitty but Matthias knew his mother tongue was tricky for outsiders. “I suppose, where are you from? You don’t sound Fjerdan.”

Something flashed across their face before they laughed at Matthias’ serious expression, “Don’t worry, I’m not some Ravkan here to slaughter a poor Fjerdan lad. I’m not sure where I’m from, I was orphaned as a child, you see.”

“As was I, it’s how I became a Druskelle.” He didn’t understand why he offered such personal information to this… person. It felt easy despite not even knowing their name. Horror flashed through their eyes before they nodded, Matthias understood they must be familiar with his kind.

They hummed and nodded, “Druskelle, eh?” Matthias nodded in response, “How old are you? You seem quite young…”

“17 in a few months, why?” Matthias cursed at his prideful response, it was hard being the youngest in his group, most of them started years before he did but he’s only been a “real” Druskelle for a year.

“Just wondering how murderous you could be, that’s all-- is that a wolf!?” Dread filled the stranger’s face upon seeing Trassel. “I heard about Druskelle having wolf… companions but why is it inside?”

Matthias felt annoyed hearing Trassel being referred to as a thing, “He’s inside because of the blizzard, or would you rather be outside too?”

The look on their face was priceless, they were obviously not used to being spoken to like that. 

Matthias remembered their meeting quite fondly, all things considered. How else could he feel about the situation, the rare chance that he was the one watching the camp when this… gift stumbled through the door. And by Djel was he thankful for Y/N.

If he had sent Y/N away Matthias would surely be without his life despite how much they complained every time they saved his life.

“You and death are like the best of friends. And I’m the asshole who won’t leave you two alone,”

Y/N had a penchant for making him laugh (especially in the worst places). If his memory served him well, nearly half of the time they got a laugh out of him was in life or death situations. Somehow they always managed to say easily the most outlandish thing he’d ever heard. All he could do was chuckle even if he knew he put the two of them at risk.

But despite nearly dying countless times, the biggest scare was when Y/N abruptly grabbed Matthias by his waist and pulled his head down to kiss him. “We really shouldn’t,” He’d started to protest when they shushed him, their eyes darting over to the Druskelle passing by the alleyway. Their lips never met, but to any passerby, it looked like two teenagers shacking up.

A few minutes had passed and they still stood closely. Just looking at one another. Matthias felt incredibly hot and knew his cheeks were rosy but he didn’t want to part. He didn’t like admitting to himself that being held was nice… especially when it was Y/N holding him.

“Why? You scared?”

Matthias didn’t know how to answer but he knew he was terrified. That part of him that was still trained to hunt Grisha burned with frustration and rage at how he managed to fail so horribly at his one job in life. Matthias was scared of what it meant to want someone like he wanted this… beautiful person.

His whole life Grisha were always described as devils but Y/N seemed so incredibly… normal. Sure they were improper and rude but Matthias found it to be refreshing. Fjerda was beautiful and comfortable but Y/N made him feel more than content. Y/N made Matthias burn and he’d never felt such heat in his life.

That day, when they stood less than two inches apart, Matthias swore he would burst into flames from how hot his blood felt. Standing beside a fire would be icy in comparison… and that made Matthias feel more fear than he would ever hope to feel. How could he have fallen in love with the one thing person he was meant to wipe from the land of the living?

After that close encounter with his entire ideology falling to pieces, he’d distanced himself from Y/N. He had one job and that was to get them out of Fjerda. Matthias felt like he was betraying his friends and family but that week in the camp, alone, with Y/N made him realize something. 

He didn’t like to even think the words but he knew everything would change once he returned.

“Are we friends?” Y/N had asked one day as they walked toward the coast through the thick layer of snow.

Matthias wasn’t sure how to answer in a way that wasn’t rude so he settled with indifference, “Why would it matter?”

Y/N shrugged, “Was wondering in case you or the dog tried to murder me, that’s all.”

“I won’t try to kill you,” They gave him a knowing look, “I promise I won’t kill you,” Matthias forced a sarcastic smile.

Y/N laughed at the sight, “My god I’ve really corrupted Fjerda’s finest, haven’t I?” Matthias hated how much he loved the sound of their laughter.

If Grisha weren’t supposed to be alive why did he feel so alive standing next to one?

@flysafepapi

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[heliads]

Loved and Leaving

Based on another (!) entry for my fave @lxncelot​‘s writing competition for Luke Skywalker using the prompts “I told you we’d meet again, didn’t I?”, “But you’re here, so stay”, and “I never forgot.”

masterlist

You take one last look before you go. If you were smart, you never would have turned around, and gotten on board the shuttle before you had the chance to second guess yourself. You could have stepped through the door and left your entire life, your home and family and friends behind, and never spared a second thought to anyone else. That’s what Luke did, anyway, so it’s almost like you’re owed this moment of selfishness. 

You don’t, though. For all your talk of Luke Skywalker’s stupidly big heart, he was the one who could head off without a second glance back. You, instead, are the one who turns and looks out over the endless sand dunes. They don’t seem so rough now that you aren’t among them anymore; they’ve been smoothed out into rolls of tawny silk and satin that seem to billow in the harsh wind. If Luke had turned back and seen you here, he might have stayed.

Those times are over, though. You knew something was wrong the second you saw his battered speeder coming to a stop near your home. You live on a moisture farm just like him, which is why you didn’t even have to see the furrow in his brows to figure out that something happened, something wrong. Usually, he’d be off fiddling with the vaporators or trying to convince his uncle and aunt to let him slip out to Tosche Station for a few standard hours, even though it never works. Needless to say, he’d never be heading over to your place during the workday, especially not with a hooded stranger seated beside him.

You drop your tools in a bin nearby and start to walk over to him, although you break into a jog when you see that he’s running too, blond hair dashing against his eyes as he goes. Luke looks relieved when he finally spots you, although that’s never concerned him long. For some reason, Luke has always been able to find you, even in the thickest crowds that a backwater desert like Tatoooine can conjure up in its seedy excuses of cities. It’s like he instinctively knows a way to you, even if his eyes are closed and he can’t be sure of anything else.

You dust your hands off on your trousers, feeling somehow self-conscious now that he’s standing so close to you. Insignificancies like dirt or sand have never mattered to Luke, but they matter to you, especially when he’s around. At last, you can finally stand to look him in the eyes as if to say ‘here I am, now what do you think of me?’, and straighten your shoulders a little to further your point.

“What happened?” 

Neither of you need context, you never have. Luke glances quickly behind him at the rusting red speeder; the strange man still waits there patiently, although you have the strange feeling that he can probably tell exactly what you’re saying, even at such a distance.

Luke sighs. “I have to go.” 

For a moment, you think you’ve misheard him. “Go where? Tosche?” He has this strange look on his face, like this is goodbye. Maybe you’re thinking too small. “Mos Eisley?”

 Luke shakes his head. “I have to leave the planet.”

His words don’t resonate for a second, and when they do, you’re left reeling like he’s hit you. You notice that Luke has the fading impression of a bruise across his temples, and although you don’t entirely know what injury caused that, you think it sufficiently represents the hurt you’re feeling now, like he had to bear the blow before he could say it.

Your voice is quiet, barely a whisper above the wind roaring across the dunes. “The planet? Luke, what happened? I thought Beru and Owen were never going to let you leave for the Imperial Academy.” 

It’s been a joke between the two of you, how no matter how hard Luke tries, his aunt and uncle keep coming up with excuses to make him stay at home. 

You had a dream, once, that the two of you would scrounge up enough money to get on a ship and just go, whether it was to the Academy after all or just some planet that wasn’t this one. Although Luke is still in front of you and telling you he’s about to leave, you get the feeling that this isn’t the same. Sometimes, dreams are just that: a dream, and Luke looks closer to living a nightmare than anyone you’ve ever seen.

The second you say Beru and Owen’s names, Luke flinches as if he’s been slapped. For the first time, you notice that his eyes are red, and his voice sounds hoarse, as if he’s been screaming for no one to hear. “They’re dead.” He lets the words go slowly, like watching sand trickle out from between your fingers.

Your hand flies to your mouth. “Luke, I’m so sorry.” 

You’ve known Luke since you were a child, and Beru and Owen had long since accepted the fact that Luke would be splitting his time between your house and theirs. In a way, you’d come to think of them as another family, one that smiled at you and Luke whenever you came over to visit and outstayed anyone else’s welcome.

Owen Lars had taught you how to know your way around a multitool, the different droids and how to spot a scam when the jawas came searching for buyers. Beru had kept you for dinner hundreds of times over, when you and Luke lost track of time and she insisted that you not take the trip out over the dunes at night. 

That was when you were younger, anyway; you and Luke have long since given up on that rule, electing instead to sneak into his speeder and ride off into the dark, laughing at jokes that weren’t even funny and pretending you didn’t lean closer to each other when you hear the slightest of sounds echoing across the distant night.

All this, and it isn’t nearly enough to compare to Luke’s memories of them. No wonder he wants to go- how could he stay, when everything here reminds him of his family? Luke’s jaw is stiff, and he seems unwilling if not outright unable to speak on it further. Out of some impulse brought on by the fact that everything already seems so wrong, you reach out and take his hand. Luke startles for a second, then wraps his other hand around yours.

“We’ll find a way out. Where are you going?” 

An incredulous half-smile appears on Luke’s lips, as if he can’t believe it himself. “Alderaan.” 

You let out a shaky breath. “Alderaan. Wow.” 

Alderaan had been one of the first places you wanted to go. Luke said he’d rather go someplace with more buildings, like Coruscant, but you’d still cherished the image of that blue-green world when the days got hard over here. Even after you grew out of luck and chance, it still remained a fond memory. And here he is now, going, and here you are, staying.

It hits you then, that he is leaving. You’ve been able to read Luke since you were six, and what he’s silently telling you now is that he is leaving alone. This is not a greeting, this is a goodbye. It hurts like a killing blow to lose Beru and Owen but you cannot- you will not- let go of Luke. You can only bear so much.

“Don’t go, Luke. Please. You can stay here- you know my parents would jump at the chance to have you, they’ve always liked you better than me anyways, and we can find a place for all your things, and-” 

Luke cuts you off slowly. “I can’t, Y/N. I’m sorry. I wish I could, but I have to leave. It wouldn’t work.” 

You shake your head beseechingly. “It would, we’d find a way. We always do, don’t we? It might seem like you have to go, but you’re here, so stay. Stay with me.”

For a moment, Luke takes a step forward, as if he’s going to follow you back inside. Then he turns back towards the speeder, and his shoulders slump. “I can’t.” He says it simply, but it cuts like a blade. 

You nod slowly. “Okay.” 

Your time for words is over. If you cannot convince your best friend, your closest friend, maybe even the only friend who has ever meant more to you than a pastime, why waste your breath? He’ll never listen for it anyway.

If you can read Luke like a book, then he can read you too. He knows you, and he knows that hurt in your eyes. His hand drifts up to your cheek, tilting your face up so you look at him again. The suns make his eyes shine like glass, and you tell yourself to remember what they look like because you’ll likely never see them again. He will go off to Alderaan, and you will stay here and blend into the sand and suns until there is no more of you but a whisper, and who would tell it but him?

“Don’t look at me like that. Please. If I could stay, I would. You have to know that.” 

As much as it twists the knife to admit it, you do know him. He’s telling the truth, even if it hurts. You nod, and Luke seems relieved. He starts to turn away, and you’re seized by some fierce need to make sure he stays, even if it’s for just a little longer. “You’re going to find a ship, right? I can meet you there.”

Luke frowns. “What about your parents?”

You wave a hand dismissively. “They’ve owed me a trip out of here for some time. Promise me you’ll wait, I can meet you in the town.” 

Luke nods slowly. “I’ll come.”

You smile happily. “I’ll be here. Stay safe.” 

Luke touches your hand one more time before he goes, then walks back over to the speeder and disappears into the dunes again. You watch him go, then hurry back inside to pack your things.

It occurs to you belatedly that Luke never specified a time that he would come get you, or that he truly said he’d pick you up. You wait by your door for a while, even after the suns set over the dunes and the horizon grows dark. The night had never stopped him from coming before, but the hours roll by and he still does not come. Eventually, you have to admit it to yourself: he’s gone, and he is never coming back.

You knew that, didn’t you? Luke is caring, and Luke is kind, but Luke is gone. You wait another day, just in case, even though you know he won’t be there. It is after the disappointment and grief fades that your sadness begins to harden into anger. Why should you depend on Luke, anyways? You head back inside, but keep your things packed. You inform your parents that you’ll be going, and although they try to convince you to stay so you can help on the farm, they can tell that you’ve had enough. 

You leave a few days later, grabbing your few possessions and getting a ride to Mos Eisley. There’s a passenger freighter leaving in two standard hours, and you manage to book a spot by selling a few of your less-valued belongings. Eventually, you find yourself on the runway, looking out as you step onto the ramp.

Some part of you misses it already: the feeling of the wind billowing against your clothes, the hot sun on your cheeks as you smile, racing through the dunes as you and Luke think up the most impossible routes to fly on your speeders. However, the problem of having most of your good memories of your home center around Luke is that missing him sours them, leaves them ragged at the edge and free to cut you instead of comfort.

You turn and board the transport. There’s a place near the side that’s open, and you prop your bags by your feet. You’re not sure where you’re going, but one thing is for certain: it’s better than here. You find a destination eventually, after the shuttle takes two stops to let off the usual bouts of unruly passengers and allow even more windstruck fools to get on board. As you’re shifting slightly in your seat, adjusting the fold of your bag beneath you, you hear a trio of people in front of you talking in hushed voices. After a moment, you realize they’re talking about the Rebellion. 

In the time it takes for the transport to take off and come to a landing that’s far too jarring for your liking, you learn that the three passengers are definitely Rebels, and heading back to a pickup point after a mission. You consider your risks, then decide to ignore them. You’re already on a starship going nowhere, what else could happen?

The trio gets off on the next stop, and you follow them. You hurry to catch up to them, although not so fast that you attract Imperial attention, then speak casually to them under your breath about joining. About thirty minutes later, you’re waiting with them to get onboard another cruiser, this one destined for Yavin IV. 

Truth be told, you’re kind of surprised about how easy it was to join. Things get progressively more difficult when you land on board the planet and are sent through a vetting process so difficult you’re not sure if your own father would pass, but you still turn up on the other side, clutching an orange flight suit. 

When they heard you wanted to fly, they sent you on some piloting test, but you passed it with flying colors. You’ve spent enough time crushing through canyons with Luke that it almost feels easy to go in a straight line or do a few turns in a ship that actually works without hours of repairs. 

Thus begins the next part of your life as a Rebel pilot. You do your best to focus on your given missions instead of allowing your thoughts to drift back to one Luke Skywalker, but this gets progressively difficult, especially after you hear that Princess Leia has returned with a certain blond farm boy in tow. At first, you’re excited to see him, but some part of you keeps holding back. Hadn’t he been the one to leave you behind on that sandy rock?

So you don’t end up talking to Luke after all. This isn’t to say that you’re avoiding him, only that you aren’t seeking him out. If your paths are meant to cross, let them. Luke has never had trouble finding you when he wishes, although that usually happens when he knows you’re there. 

It does hurt, though, his absence, especially when you know he’s on the same base as you. You keep spotting messy heads of blond curls or a flash of blue eyes through the narrow corridors of the Rebel base and feel your heart skip a beat, only to find out that it’s not Luke at all. When the order comes through that all Rebel pilots will be shipping out to try and take down the Death Star, the only thing you can do is silently hope that he’ll be alright. In the end, that’s all anyone can do, isn’t it? Hope, and hope that their dreams aren’t so foolish that they fall flat. 

At the end of that night, after you’ve lost half your flight crew and you manage to take down scores of enemy TIE fighters, you realize that you can’t keep this up. Every time you saw an X-Wing go down in flames, you were certain that it was Luke. Once the battle is over and you climb back out of your fighter, you know then and there that you have to see him. 

It doesn’t take that long to find him. This is partially due to the fact that everyone on base wants to congratulate and shake the hand of Luke Skywalker, the guy who blew up the Death Star, but also because he’s still your friend. Even after he manages to shake the crowds, though, you know how to find him. You always do. 

Luke is staring out a large bay window at the expanse of green beneath him. You can understand the look of quiet awe on his face- the first time you saw a planet with that much life, you couldn’t look away. Before you can lose your nerve, you call out to him. 

“I hear you’re quite the hero, Luke.” 

You watch as he stiffens slightly in surprise, and then, when recognition dawns, turns around. You swear you can see his eyes light up. 

“Y/N?” 

He rushes over to you, picking you up and spinning in a slow circle. When he finally puts you down, he looks hesitant to even let you go, and keeps his arms around your waist, just to make sure that you’re really here. 

You smile. “Surprise.”

Luke is beaming. “What are you doing here? I thought you were back-“ His voice breaks off as he remembers the details of his departure from Tatooine, how he’d left you behind without another word. “Stars, Y/N, I’m sorry about what happened. I tried to get back but all these guys started shooting at us- I never should have left you, and I’m sorry.”

You don’t have it in you to be angry anymore. “It’s okay, Luke. I told you we’d meet again, didn’t I?” 

A soft smile replaces itself on Luke’s face. “That you did. So you’re a pilot, then?” He asks, taking in your uniform. 

You nod, grinning. “I joined up about a week ago. Seems like those Imperial fighters are no match for a couple of kids from Tatooine, huh?”

Luke’s laughter is like the sound of bottled sunshine finally uncorked for all to hear. “I’ve never heard something more true than that. I came back from the Death Star a little while ago, but it feels like I never stopped running since I took off from Mos Eisley.” 

His face takes on a somber, softer tint as he remembers what happened on his trip. “I wanted to tell you what Alderaan was like, but we didn’t make it in time before the Empire destroyed it. I knew that was a dream of yours, to go.” 

You glance up at him, surprised. “That was a long time ago. I didn’t know you remembered it.” 

Luke smiles gently, reaching one hand forward to brush an errant piece of hair out of your face. “I never forgot. Not anything, not when it comes to you.”

There’s a certain truth in your words that makes your heart stumble. Luke’s hand freezes there, pressed against your cheek, but you’re not entirely sure that you want him to take it away. 

He leans forward, so slow for someone who’s usually running around like there’s no tomorrow, and softly presses a kiss to your forehead. The two of you stay there, afraid to move lest you shatter the quiet solitude of the moment, until the sound of approaching footsteps from the corridor outside makes you startle and break away.

Luke glances towards the door with more than a little irritation, but you just smile. “Come visit me when you’re through with hero duties. I think we have a lot to talk about.”

 Luke nods, although he looks just as reluctant as you do to leave. All the same, for once you don’t have to worry about trying to stretch each second into an eternity- he’ll always be here, just like you will. No more reason to run.

star wars tag list: i would simply stay for you bestie @rogueanschel​, @caswinchester2000​

[fortisfilia]

Tell me Something - Sirius Black x reader

Pairing: Sirius Black x gn!reader (no pronouns)

Type: One-shot

Summary: Sirius and you are friends with benefits and, naturally, you’d never tell him what you really think. Or would you? Very light-hearted and fun. No indication of age or time period, but I imagined them to be in their mid-twenties when I wrote it.

Note: This is for @lxncelot‘s writing challenge with the prompt “I could be in love with someone like you”. I hope you enjoy it, Olive. It was really fun to write!

Warnings: mentions of sex and alcohol, nothing explicit though; a bit of swearing

Word count: 1.7k

Tell Me Something

Sirius was in the bathroom next door while you lay on his bed. The tap water trickled from the distance for a minute while your chest rose and sank slowly. You had just caught your breath again after what had happened between him and you in his room. It was no unusual occurrence, the two of you meeting up for a hook-up every once in a while. You had been friends for years, had known each other for even longer and one night, after James’ and Remus’ brilliant idea of ordering a round for every brand of shots they hadn’t tried yet, it had just happened. And it was okay, good even, for such a drunk mishap.

The next time you’d been sober. Peter had invited Sirius and himself over to your place for a game night but had cancelled at the last minute, so, well, you’d made the most of the night. That’s how it had begun. It was never meant to be serious, for lack of a better word, and it never really became. It was fun, spontaneous and easy to hide from your friends. Most importantly though, it was always good. And it kept on getting better each time. 

Amorous feelings hadn’t started to build just yet. Well, you had noticed them trying to build, to stack up bit by bit like a bunch of Legos being put together every time the two of you hung out but had quickly stowed them away, pushed them down right back where they had come from. It would make things complicated, much too difficult and who were you to ruin your own fun? You’d noticed new thoughts bubbling up inside your head when you watched him put his clothes back on, or when he raked his fingers through his hair. But you had bitten your tongue every time, had held yourself back from saying what you knew a person shouldn’t say to their friend. Friends never giggled nervously at the jokes of their mate, they didn’t mention their sudden preference for the other one’s cologne and their heart certainly didn’t skip a beat whenever the other person smiled.

So pushing down all those pesky things was what you had done and it had been easier than expected. If one didn’t dwell on the fantasy of what could be and stayed grounded in reality, looked at things objectively, it was manageable to keep those feelings at bay. It was tempting, however, to imagine a world where all of this could lead to something more. And to be fair, you had daydreamed about it. Just once, or twice, or maybe three times. But it had always ended with you taking that idea and forcing it out of your head so it couldn’t settle. Never let your brain work up scenarios you knew wouldn’t come true. The disappointment would be such a hassle and there was no time to drown in self-pity.

“You alright?” 

Sirius’ voice startled you. You hadn’t even noticed him coming back. Your gaze shot up at him while you remained on your back on one side of the mattress, the thick duvet still covering you. 

“Yes,” you nodded as you stretched out your arms and rolled over to rest on your side.

“Deep thoughts, huh?” A playful grin tugged on the corner of his mouth.

How did he even know? “What do you mean?”

He sat down next to you and let himself fall onto the bed too, now looking directly into your eyes. “I can tell when you’re pondering.” A low, self-assured chuckle escaped him. “You frown when you do it.”

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes and he laughed.

“As long as you’re not brooding about what we just did, I’m alright with the frown.” He shot you an enquiring look.

“I’m not. I’d tell you if you’d suck in bed, no need to worry.”

“Fair enough,” he shrugged as he crawled under the blanket as well. “Want me to pick up some take-out? Pizza maybe?”

“Sure. Daliano’s? I had the stuffed crust last time, it was amazing.”

“Sounds good. The usual?”

“Please.” 

“Coming right up.” Sirius turned to his side, facing you and sighed. “Just let me take a short break. I’m a bit… exhausted.”

You giggled. Giggled. Friends didn’t giggle nervously. Push it back down. “Alright.”

“So what’s it then?” he asked.

“What’s what?”

“What are your deep thoughts about?”

Couldn’t he just let it go? “Didn’t you just say you need to take a break?”

“I can relax and talk at the same time, you know. Doesn’t take much energy to speak.”

You rolled your eyes again. “It was nothing.”

“Come on,” he grinned as he disappeared beneath the blanket completely, before his head propped up again right next to yours, so close that your noses almost touched. “Tell me something.”

You giggled again and pushed him down by the shoulder. He lay on his back now, so you inched closer to whisper something into his ear. A whiff of his cologne met you in the process, hard to ignore. Keep it down. Be cool, be a friend. “Something,” you whispered.

“Oh piss off,” Sirius replied. 

Now he pushed you down, and held himself up above you, with both hands next to either side of your face supporting his weight. He looked down at you and smiled for a second, showing off his perfectly straight teeth, before his hair fell down and into his face. There it was again. His hand raked through his hair and stroked back the dark locks. Those damned fingers and his damned shiny hair. “Tell me,” he teased. “Or I won’t pick up the pizza.”

“Now that you say that, I think I’m not that hungry.”

“Stuffed crust. Cheesy, warm, delicious, incredib-”

“Enough,” you laughed. “Stop it.”

“I’ll stop if you tell me.”

“Sirius.”

“I’m your friend.” He settled down next to you again, awfully close. “I won’t tell.”

“See, that’s the point.”

“What’s the point?”

“You’re my friend. I never tell you what I really think.”

“Huh?” He was genuinely confused. “That doesn’t make sense, you know that, right?”

“No, that’s not how I meant it. I mean I don’t say every single thought that comes to my mind out loud.”

“You don’t?” He faked a pout.

“I don’t. I hold myself back from speaking everything I notice into existence.”

“And why is that?”

You sighed. He wouldn’t give up on it now, might as well tell him. “Because maybe then I would say things like you look cute with your hair like that.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped himself, a grin forming on his face that showed off a dimple.

“Merlin forbid, I might even do it in that soft tone significant others use when I’d say it. And I’m not. That. It’s not my place.”

Sirius’ grin disappeared and he lay down on his back. “Oh,” he said.

“Yeah,” you quietly answered, looking upwards onto the ceiling and already cursing yourself for telling him. 

When you turned your head and looked at him, his grin was back. “What?”

“So,” he chuckled. “What you’re saying is, you like my hair?”

“I’m going to lose it.” You dug your face into the pillow. Perhaps suffocation would end this torture.

“I’m just kidding. And for the record, I like yours too.”

“Stop.” Your words were muffled by the pillow.

“No, I mean it.” His hand touched your shoulder and gently pulled on it, so you’d turn around to face him. “What else are you thinking and never saying?”

“There’s a reason I’m not saying it.” Your cheeks burned. “I just told you it’s not my place and it’s embarrassing.”

“But I want you to tell me. And it’s only embarrassing if you let it embarrass you.”

“Merlin’s sake,” you sighed. “When have you become wise?”

“Always been.”

“Sure.”

“Maybe Remus helped a bit.”

“That sounds more like it.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

He really wasn’t going to let this slide, huh? “I… Um, okay. Well, sometimes I think of things, like that I could turn around to cuddle you after we’d finished. But then I hold myself back. It could make things weird, I’d get used to it and maybe then I’d catch feelings and wouldn’t know how to tell you that and-”

“Whoa.” Sirius stopped your tirade by putting his index finger on your mouth. Shit. You had said too much, hadn’t you? You’d already made it weird. “You’d like to cuddle?”

“I-” That’s what he took from the conversation?

“You could have just said that,” he said as he inched closer and put a hand on your waist.

“Sirius, I don’t think you understand what I meant.”

“Oh, I understood every word love.” There was that grin again. “You said you might catch feelings. I’m flattered.”

“Oh, shut up.” Time to suffocate.

“No, I didn’t think you felt that way,” he said, his thumb drawing patterns on your waist. “I thought this was very casual for you.”

“It was so far.”

“But?” That awful, shit-eating grin would haunt you forever.

“But,” you pondered. “I guess I could be in love with someone like you.”

His thumb suddenly stopped moving and both his eyebrows rose while the grin and dimple were still in place. 

“Forget it,” you said as you rolled to your other side in order not to face him anymore. “Just forget what I said.”

“Why would I do that?” He neared you again, you could feel him against your back, his arm back around your waist as he spoke into your ear. “I guess I could be in love with someone like you, too.”

Your eyes widened. “You could?”

He nodded. “Just stop holding back your thoughts, okay? Tell me what you really think and we’ll see how it goes.”

“Okay.” Your heart might have just done a flip inside your chest.

“Okay,” he repeated in a soft tone you’d never heard him use. “Now… Do you still want pizza?”

MASTERLIST

Thank you for reading <3 I'd really appreciate if you would leave a like, comment and/or reblog :)

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[teaand-dreams]

Regrets

Dick Grayson x Reader

Summary: Sometimes it’s easy to regret something, and other times the act of regretting leaves nothing but guilt behind. And sometimes, it can be hard to know if regret is even there. Mild spoilers for season 1 of Titans

Prompts: “I’ll be careful” + “we should probably say goodnight” + “I want you to be happy. Whatever that means” + “you woke me at 3 a.m. for this?”

TW: angst, mild anxiety

Sequel to Favors and Bagels

Written for @lxncelot ‘s writing challenge

WC: 2381

A/N: This is not edited

Something distantly buzzes in your ears as you slowly open your eyes, blinking in an attempt to wake from a peaceful dream. Your eyes shut as the bright neon-like green of your alarm clock flashes in the dark room, and your brain registers the colors to read 3:02. Blearily, you stretch your arm out of the warm covers and flail around trying to find your buzzing phone that has disappeared from where you had put it on the nightstand before going to bed. Upon grasping the noisy device, you bring it to your ear.

“’Ello?” You groan, your free hand moving up to rub against your eyes.

“Do you regret it?” The familiar voice, laced with an unfamiliar undertone, is enough for you to shoot up as a chill not that different from ice shoots through your body.

“I thought I told you to lose my number, Dick.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I just…do you regret it?”

Your head falls back against the wall, your eyes shutting as you take a deep breath. “You woke me at 3 a.m. for this?”

“I’m sorry.” Dick’s voice cracks slightly, and you bite your lip. “We used to be so close, Y/N. I guess I just thought…maybe if we never…we would still…I don’t know, I just wanted to know if you ever regret it.”

You silently pull your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arm around them as you lower your head to press your lips to your knees as your mind whirls with everything you could say, everything you’ve wanted to say, and everything you’re not sure you should say.

Your chest hurt with an emotion you didn’t want to think about as you pulled Donna conspiratorially toward your room the moment she stepped foot in your house, your parents shaking their heads and simply waving hello. You shut the door as soon as the two of you were safe in the privacy of your room, turning to stare at Donna. She merely raised her eyebrow, the shadows of a smirk hidden in her face as she watched you with confusion laced in her eyes.

“Dick asked me out,” you finally let the words fall, and Donna hummed.

“Like asked you out on a date or asked you out some other way?”

“Like on a date.”

“Interesting.” Donna’s lips fell into a frown as she dropped onto the edge of your bed, her eyes moving to trace an indistinguishable pattern on your wall. You dropped next to her, watching her expectantly. “I can’t say I saw that coming.”

“He’s my second closest friend next to you,” you admitted. “I told him I need to think about it. What do I say?”

Donna turned her gaze to you. “What do you want to say?”

Your mouth opened and shut as you turned to look at the floor. “I don’t know. I don’t want to lose him as my friend, but I really like him. But what if it ends up bad? Like, could we still be friends if we broke up? Wouldn’t that be weird? And you’re basically his sister, but you’re also my best friend, and I mean, I just, I don’t know.”

Donna sighed before wrapping her arms around you and pulling you into a side-hug. “Well, only you can make this decision. My advice would simply be to think about what you can live with, and what you would regret most. Ten years from now, no matter how it ends-if it ends-will you regret saying yes? Or regret saying no?”

You bit your lip as your mind raced through the possibilities. “I think…I think I want to say yes.”

“I don’t know,” you whisper. “I don’t know if I regret letting you take me on a date and saying yes when you asked if I wanted to be your significant other. I don’t regret breaking up with you, but I don’t know if I regret ever going out with you in the first place. Even though it hurt…I learned some stuff about myself.”

Dick releases a deep breath, and you swallow hard as you tighten your grip around your legs. “I don’t know either,” he tells you, and you choke back a laugh as tears well up in your eyes. “I miss talking to you, but…things were getting kind of bad weren’t they?”

You sighed as the clock’s hands moved to signal another hour had passed. “I better get going. Dick asked me to make sure I go to bed at, in his words, a decent hour tonight.”

Barbara winced as she dropped her glass onto the table in between the two of you. She shook her head. “No. We haven’t talked about my newest case yet. I need your advice on it; you can’t leave now.”

You shrugged as best you could as Barbara stretched her arms out to grasp at the edges of your jacket. “Just ask Bruce about it, you know I’m no good at helping with your cases. Besides, Dick said if I go to bed early tonight he’ll see what he can do to take time off for my birthday.”

Barbara blinked, her arms going slack as they fell onto the table. “That’s so messed up.”

You scoffed, throwing a couple of bills on the table to cover your dinner as you stood. “Not arguing with that, but it would be nice to see him. Besides, Jason wants to talk through some stuff tomorrow so I have to be up early to meet him for breakfast.”

“Lame,” Barbara drew out the syllable as she threw her head back, her eyes shutting. “Fine. Whatever. Be an adult. Lunch next week?”

“As always,” you promised, giving her a quick smile before hurrying toward the exit of the diner. You pulled out your phone to reread the message you’d received earlier in the day from Dick, a simple sentence stating that if you did him a favor and went to bed at a reasonable time he’d appeal to his boss for a vacation over your birthday. You sighed again when you saw he hadn’t messaged since then.

“Why did you call me?” Your voice rings in your ears, a soft, unsure tune as you turn to press your cheek against your knees and stare at the wall next to your bed where a collage of pictures from your childhood hangs. Your eyes trace the familiar pattern of Donna and Barbara singing along in the midst of blinding lights from when the three of you went to a concert and your throat closes in on itself.

Dick sighs, and the shakiness of the breath has you closing your eyes and willing the sound away. “I don’t know,” he whispers. “Some stuff happened, bad stuff, and I guess I just wanted to know how you’re doing and if you regret it and…I don’t know.”

The sounds around you were drowned out by the frantic thumping of your heart as you watched the television in horror. The main story flashed on the screen as blurred pictures of a figure in a familiar suit graced your eyes. So close, and so far away. Distantly, you heard a person in line for the coffee shop behind you question why a channel for Detroit was on, but the words fled your mind as soon as they entered and you hurried out of the coffee shop. You automatically pulled your phone out and dialed Dick’s number as your pace increased.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up,” you muttered. “Please pick up.”

The ringtone faded and was replaced by a robotic voice telling you to leave your message after the beep. You hung up before redialing. You reached a crosswalk and glanced in each direction “-you may hang up or leave a message after the tone-” to see no cars. You hurried across before stopping in the shade of a tree and opening your messages with Dick. You typed out a quick question to make sure it was him on the news, ask if he was okay, and ask him what he was thinking. Your leg shook as your foot started to tap the ground, your fingers itching to type a response as soon as Dick answered.

You pulled a deep breath into your lungs as three dots appeared before Dick’s message reached your eyes. ‘Something happened. I’ll tell you about it later. Busy now.’ Your shoulders dropped as you quickly asked if he was sure. ‘I am. Love you.’ You shoved your phone into your pocket after replying, quickly wiping at your eyes before hurrying away from the tree.

You swallow and the two of you remain in silence for a few moments as thoughts swirl around your head. “We should probably say goodnight. I have a busy day tomorrow and you have to deal with whatever stuff happened.”

“I’m not ready to say goodnight,” Dick confesses, and your breath catches in your throat.

Dick swung your clasped hands into the air and you laughed. “How great was that movie?” He asked, his eyes trailing over your face.

“So great.”

“I’m glad we did this.”

“Me too.”

Dick sighed, and you found your eyes following his head as he turned to glance at the darkening sky. “We should probably say goodnight, though. Don’t want your parents to worry if you stay out too late, and I should get back home soon so I can head out with Bruce.”

“Do we have to?” Your lips fell, and Dick quickly pulled you into his side, unclasping your hands in favor of wrapping his arm around your waist.

“We’ll do this again,” he promised. “I’m not letting you leave after one date.”

A laugh pushed out of your lips. “Good thing I don’t want to go then.”

“Exactly.” You turned your head in time to catch Dick’s own grin before his lips were pressing against your head. “I’m not ready to say goodnight yet. Froyo sound good?”

“Froyo? Really?” Dick whined and you quickly wrapped him in a hug. “Froyo sounds perfect.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Y/N-”

“I refuse to go back to how things were, and I can’t be your friend right now, so what do you want from me? Why did you call?” You blink as tears drip from your eyes to land harshly on your cheeks.

You relaxed into Dick’s side as he leaned back against the couch, the remnants of a laugh on your lips as you turned your gaze across the coffee table to face the other couch. Donna raised her eyebrow when she caught your gaze, and you felt your lips tug up into a smile in return.

“It’s good to see both of you so happy,” Donna voiced, and Dick squeezed your shoulders.

“I’m glad we have your approval to continue dating, then,” he joked, and Donna merely hummed.

“If we turn into a gross couple whose only interaction with the outside world is through PDA, feel free to throw a bucket of ice water over my head,” you offered and Donna immediately grinned.

“You know I will. But seriously, hanging out with the two of you, it’s…different for sure, but so far it’s a good different.”

“It feels natural,” Dick said. “I’m not sure I even remember how I acted before.”

“Well,” Donna smiled, “with any luck you’ll never have to remember.”

Dick is silent for a moment, and you take a shaky breath. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I want you to be happy. Whatever that means.”

A warm, familiar smile was painted across Dick’s face.

You were wrapped in Dick’s embrace, and his soft voice wove its way into your ear. “You are an amazing, wonderful, talented person, and any university would be stupid not to see that, no matter what score you get on that stupid test.”

His lips met yours, and your mind blanked as his name flashed across your brain repeatedly. Your senses were overwhelmed with everything about him. Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick.

“I love you.”

“Hey, Y/N, just so you know…I’m in love with you.”

“Morning Y/N. I have to go to work, but I just wanted to call to tell you I love you.”

“Hey honey.”

A warmth encompassing your body as Dick’s arms wove around you, shielding you from the outside world.

“Do me a favor…”

“Do me a favor…”

“Do me a favor…”

“…Just this one, and I will owe you for the rest of our lives.”

“One last favor, then.”

“I need a favor.”

“I owe you one for tonight.” I owe you, I owe you, I owe you, do me a favor, I need a favor, a favor, favor, favor…

“Then lose my number.”

Dick is silent for a moment, and your brain tells your fingers to hang up before he has a chance to speak again. As you move to lower your phone, his voice comes through the other side, a soft whisper full of a promise, one you thought you would never have to hear fall from his lips, and your heart cracks at the sound as you realize what it means.

“Okay.”

Your head shifts until you’re facing the closed window, hiding the outside world through the use of curtains, in your room as air starts to travel easily through your throat into your lungs.

Dick takes a deep breath, triggering a common memory in your mind of every time he was about to say goodbye, and words tumble out of your mouth before you realize they’re at the back of your throat.

“Stay safe. Just…with whatever bad stuff is going on. Don’t do anything too reckless. And, for the record, I don’t regret being able to grow as a person with you.”

“I’ll be careful. And I don’t think I regret it either.”

“Good. Goodbye, Dick.”

“Bye Y/N.”

You pull your phone away from your ear just as Dick ends the call, and you throw it face down on the bed in front of you. Your hands move to wipe tears away as you stare at your window. Slowly, you crawl across your bed and stand, shuffling toward it. You carefully grasp the curtains covering the window in your hand, pulling them aside so you can stare at the early new day.

taglist: @tangled-upwithyou​

[rubysunnday]

rule the world

A/N: This fic was written for my beautiful friend, Olive's (@lxncelot) , writing challenge! After much deliberation and procrastination whereby I spent an hour listening to the songs on her song prompt list, I finally decided upon some prompts... And ended up writing three entirely different fics for them. This is 1 out of 3...

Prompts (all from Olive's dialogue and song prompt list) : 5) “I knew it would end, just… not like this.” | 6) “Tell me about the stars.” | 9) “There’s no turning back, now. | 19“)I want you to be happy. Whatever that means.” | 35) “I don’t want to talk about it.” / “No one ever does, but we do it anyway.” | everybody wants to rule the world — tears for fears

Fic 1 | Fic 2 | Fic 3

Y/N was lying on a stone. She could feel it digging into her forearm and it was beginning to hurt. But she didn't dare move. Not when Kaz was lying on his stomach, not even a foot away. They were so close that if Y/N shifted to the right to remove the stone, she'd brush against his shoulder and ruin the comfortable silence they'd fallen into.

It was all Jesper's fault. In all fairness, a lot of things were Jesper's fault, but the fact that Y/N was spending the next five hours on a stakeout with Kaz and not Inej was definitely Jesper's fault.

'Let's pick names out of a hat', Jesper had said cheerfully, brandishing his hat.

Of course, Y/N had picked Kaz. Kaz hadn't looked too thrilled at the prospect but they'd fallen into a quiet rhythm that meant lying in silence, a pair of binoculars in between them.

"You're a better stakeout partner than Jesper."

Y/N jumped at Kaz's rough voice breaking the silence. "Eh? Why?"

"Why do you think," Kaz drawled, raising his eyebrow as he turned to look at Y/N. "He talks far too much, can't keep still for longer than two minutes and never seems to pay any attention to the target." Kaz turned back to face the front. "You can move that stone, you know."

Y/N cursed silently, leaning to the right, her shoulder brushing the fabric of Kaz'd coat as she flicked the stone out from under her arm.

"Better?"

"Shut up, Kaz."

Kaz's lips quirked up into a smile for a moment. He reached over and picked up the binoculars again, looking through them. "Now, why is Petrov pacing up and down in front of his gates at this time of night?"

"Waiting for someone?"

"That was rhetorical, Y/N, darling."

"Of course it was," Y/N muttered, sighing. She rested her chin against her crossed arms, barely able to see anything through the dark of night - not to mention the giant green bush in front of her.

"Oh, hello." Kaz shuffled forward, his foot tapping Y/N's to get her attention. "We have movement."

Y/N leant closer to Kaz, looking around the bush. "That's an expensive-looking carriage."

"It is indeed," Kaz replied, handing the binoculars to Y/N.

Y/N took them, her fingers brushing against his gloved ones for a moment. "Oh, Saints, that's Madame Orlova."

"I suspected as much," Kaz said, his tone dark. "I noticed the lotus embossed on the side of the carriage.

Y/N watched as Madame Orlova stepped out of the carriage, her dark blue cloak swishing around her as she turned back to look at the occupants of the carriage.

Two girls, only a few years younger than Inej and Y/N, stepped out, wearing pink and white silks, their hair piled on top of their heads with a lotus pin sticking out the top. it didn't take a genius to work out why they were there.

"Kaz, please tell me we're not just going to sit here whilst this happens."

Kaz was silent for a moment. Y/N turned and looked at him, taking stock of his scheming face - eyebrows pulled together, eyes narrowed slightly.

"There are four men guarding the house - the rest of the staff have the night off. Including Petrov, Madame Orlova and the two girls, that's eight people. The guards should be easy enough - take the first two down at the door, the second two down as they guard the bedroom. Madame Orlova... she'll be trickier but one good knock to the head and she's out."

"Petrov? He was a prizefighter."

Kaz turned to look at her, his eyes dark. "How many bullets do you have?"

"Enough."

"One good shot to the head. That's all he needs."

"I thought we needed him for information?"

"No, no, no. That's what Inej and Jesper are doing. I just wanted to see if Petrov was as disgusting as the streets were saying he is," Kaz replied, shrugging. "There isn't actually much point to us sitting here other than to make sure Petrov didn't leave for his warehouse."

Y/N sighed, dropping her head. "I hate it when you do that."

"Everyone does, I'm used to it," Kaz said, smirking. He pushed himself to his knees, wincing slightly. "Now, come along, darling Y/N, I do believe there's a Madame you'd like to fight."

The first two guards had been easy to take down. All it took was for Kaz and Y/N to sneak up behind them, whack them around the head with their respective weapons, and then step over their unconscious bodies.

They'd moved with surprising efficiency - perfectly in sync with one another. It was almost creepy.

"Promise me you won't go in guns blazing when we get to Petrov and Orlova," Kaz said quietly as they walked across the carpeted floor to the back of the house.

"I make no promises, Kaz."

Kaz snatched up Y/N's wrist. He seemed to register what he'd done and quickly let go as if he'd been burnt. "Y/N. You have to trust me - wait until I tell you to move, not before."

Y/N frowned, staring at Kaz. "Do I detect a bit of fondness, Mr Brekker?"

Kaz rolled his eyes. "No. I don't want you ruining my plan."

"Of course you don't, Boss," Y/N muttered, letting out a hefty sigh.

The next two guards stood outside the door to Petrov's private quarters and were just as easily taken down as the first two. Y/N didn't wait for Kaz as she marched down the carpeted hallway, dim and dark since most of the lights were off save a few walls sconces.

Petrov's private quarters were big. But it didn't take long to find the 'room'. Every man like Petrov had a room - Y/N had been in enough of them to know what to look for and how to find it.

Kaz caught up to Y/N and blocked her way with his cane, smacking her in the stomach. "Slow. Down."

Y/N let out an irritable sigh but forced herself to take a deep breath in and calm down. She had to trust Kaz. She had to trust that Kaz knew what he was doing. Which, nine times out of ten, he did. Even if his plans went from B to K faster than Jesper gambled his monthly wage.

The door was locked but Kaz made quick work of the lock, opening it in probably less time than it took to lock it. As it swung open, Y/N was assaulted by incense and felt herself freeze, her mind far back in the past.

But then she got saught of the two terrified girls, sitting on the bed, dressed in sheer silks and golden jewellery. Y/N brushed past Kaz and cautiously approached them, shoving her revolver back into its holster.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Y/N said quietly, crouching in front of them. She unbuttoned the cuff of her shirt and pushed it up, showing off the lotus tattoo that was still engraved into her skin. "I was like you. I'm going to get you out."

"Y/N -"

Y/N turned to look at Kaz over her shoulder, her eyes fierce with determination. "We're getting them out, Kaz."

"You know they will likely bed dead before the week is out."

"Better to die free than to die in chains."

Kaz gave her an almost imperceptible nod, the muscles in his jaw clenched tightly. "Fine."

Y/N pulled out a knife and slice through the fabric tying the girls hands to the bedpost. "Come on, before anyone comes this way."

Kaz stood aside as Y/N lead the girls out the room and into the dim light of the corridor. He followed behind, locking the door so that no one would notice the girls were missing.

"Well, Madame Orlova, you have truly outdone yourself this time."

Y/N and Kaz froze. They could hear Petrov's voice getting closer, the clicking of Orlova's heels like the sound of a bomb waiting to go off.

"Get them out of here," Y/N said, pulling out her knife and twirling it between her fingers.

"Y/N, don't be stupid," Kaz said, standing in front of her, blocking her path. "We don't need to kill them now, we can just go."

She looked at him, meeting his gaze. "Get them to the gates then come back. I'll be fine in the five minutes it takes you."

"We should just leave now, we got what we need," Kaz said, showing off a sealed envelope he must have stolen from the room whilst Y/N freed the girls. "There's no point in fighting Petrov or Orlova - no matter how much they deserve death."

"Do you trust me?"

"No."

Y/N smirked. "Wise."

She didn't wait for Kaz to answer her back as she walked away from him, ducking to the left and into another part of the house. Kaz tried to grab her wrist, to pull her back to him but his fingers brushed her sleeve as she walked away - just out of reach.

The entire house was dark as Y/N walked along the corridors, her footsteps quiet even as the carpet changed to wood. Petrov and Orlova had split up - Petrov had gone to his office at the other end of the house, locking himself away with a bottle of alcohol, presumably to prepare for his evening's entertainment.

Madame Orlova, with nothing left to do but wait, was just wandering the halls, her dark blue cloak still wrapped around her shoulders, the chiffon silk rustling with every step.

The greenhouse was lit up by a few, tiny lanterns dotted around the flower beds. Y/N would have thought it beautiful if it didn't remind her of the Lotus. The pond in the centre of the large, glass room had numerous lotuses floating around, koi fish swimming around underneath them.

Madame Orlova paused, sensing Y/N's presence. "I wondered when you would come back."

Y/N took a slow step forward, the hilt of her knife digging into her palm, reminding her that she was in control of what was happening.

Orlova turned around and smiled. Her black hair was tied up into a tight bun, blue lotuses pinned into it. Her eyes were soft as she looked at Y/N. "My darling, Y/N. You made your way back to me."

"Don't," Y/N snapped, taking a small step back. "Don't. You ruined my life."

"I saved you!"

"No, you didn't! You took me from my family and murdered them! You didn't save me from anything. You ruined me at the Lotus - you watch as men took me and used me. You stand in your office as your girls are murdered so that a man can get off. You save no one, Orlova. All you want is the money."

Orlova tilted her head. "Don't tell me you believe that Dirtyhands saved you. If anything, Y/N, he's walked you to your death. Without him, you would have died a long time ago."

Y/N walked forward, trying to conquer her fear. "I would rather die free than die in silks and chains, Madame Orlova."

"Fine."

Y/N dodged back as Orlova swung at her with a dagger, the blade missing her face by inches. She threw her knife up and caught it, spinning around so that she was behind Orlova. As Orlova turned and came at her, Y/N lurched forward and stabbed her with her knife.

She felt the blood drip onto her hands - the blood of the woman who had ruined her and her life. Y/N looked up at her, taking in the shock on her face.

"You... bitch," Orlova panted, blood staining her teeth. "Don't think... I'll let you live that easily..."

Y/N smiled. "You'll never get to see me die, Madame Orlova. Now, I'd like my knife back."

Y/N pulled the knife out and let Orlova fall to the floor, her blood seeping into the cracks between the tiles, running into the koi pond and beginning to turn the water red.

Y/N looked up at the glass ceiling, staring at the night. She was finally free.

Kaz couldn't deny the relief that went through him as Y/N appeared around the corner, walking down the corridor towards him.

"You're covered in blood," Kaz said, as they walked out of the house.

"I don't judge you whenever you're covered in blood," Y/N muttered, panting slightly. "The girls?"

"They ran as soon as I got them to the gates. I told them where to go if they ever need help."

Y/N looked at Kaz, surprise clouding her features. "Which is where?"

Kaz rolled his eyes. "I don't think I would ever hear the end of it from Inej, Jesper or you if I just let them run with nowhere to go."

Y/N laughed and Kaz just watched her for a moment, trying to memorise her at that moment. She inhaled sharply, suddenly, and reached a hand out for the wall, a hand pressed to her stomach, taking short steps forward as she tried to keep walking.

"Y/N?" Kaz asked, frowning.

Y/N stopped walking. Kaz limped around to face her and put his gloved hand under her chin and tilted it up. Her eyes were glassy as she met his gaze and her skin was pale and clammy. Kaz dropped his eyes to the hand pressed to her side and noticed the blood beginning to drip down from between her fingers.

"Y/N," Kaz repeated, hoping for any sign that she'd heard him. Y/N blinked and exhaled softly, swaying dangerously on her feet. "Can you make it to the rendevous?"

Y/N shook her head, closing her eyes, seemingly regretting the action. Kaz looked over his shoulder, hearing someone approach. It didn't take him long to register the fact that it was Jesper and Inej.

Kaz debated making Y/N walk to meet the other two but as he looked at her again, he knew she was telling the truth and that if he tried to make her walk, he'd end up carrying her. Which was an issue in itself.

Y/N swayed again, her eyes shut. Kaz turned back to her and tapped her face, trying to get her to stay awake. He knew how blood loss worked - everyone in the Dregs did. Kaz had experienced it far too many times and recognised the signs of when it was getting into dangerous territory.

He wrapped his hand around Y/N's wrist. Her pulse was sluggish and weak and her breathing had gone from shaky to fast and shallow.

"Y/N," Kaz said, tapping her face again, feeling her cold skin through his gloves. "Y/N, stay awake. I need you to stay awake, alright?"

Y/N's eyes half-opened and she looked at him, unfocused and confused. "Kaz. You're going to have to catch me."

"What -"

Y/N swayed to the right, losing her balance and falling into Kaz. Kaz dropped his cane and caught Y/N, stumbling slightly at the dead weight in his arms. He awkwardly fell to the ground, cradling Y/N in his arms and desperately trying not to let the ocean drown him.

"Saints, I can't lose you too, Y/N. Please. Hey, hey, stay with me, Y/N," Kaz said, shaking her shoulders. "Y/N, tell me about the stars - tell me anything about them."

"Why... why now? You don't normally listen," Y/N muttered, her words slurring together.

"I'm listening now. What about the one about Vasilka?"

"You don't believe in them, Kaz -"

"I don't but I'm listening."

Y/N's eyes closed. "I knew it would end," she whispered, struggling to get her words out between pained gasps of breath. "Just..."

She trailed off and Kaz shook her again, trying to keep her awake a bit longer. "Just what, Y/N?"

"Just not like this," she said, her voice nothing more than a hushed whisper that came and went like a gust of wind.

Kaz felt Y/N go limp in his arms and the ocean very nearly began to drown him. He looked up as Inej and Jesper appeared, both pausing as they stared at him.

At that moment, Kaz was nothing more than a scared boy, holding onto the one person he couldn't live without. He shifted his leg, bringing Y/N closer to him, her head lolling against his chest. As he spoke, fear overwhelmed him and everything he wanted to say was lost.

"Help me," Kaz said, his voice cracking slightly.

The pile of paperwork was never-ending. Kaz felt as if he'd barely made a dent in it, yet he'd been working on it since early that afternoon. His hand was beginning to cramp up and he was very aware of the fact he hadn't moved for several hours.

Someone knocked on the door. Kaz looked up, already knowing who it was. He'd began to recognise the footsteps of the people who visited his office the most - from Inej's silent footsteps to Jesper's loud and clumsy ones.

But it was the knock on the door that told him who it was, waiting to be let in. Which was why Kaz hesitated for a minute.

"Kaz, I'm coming in either way, whether your say yes or not," Y/N called, her voice slightly muffled by the door.

Kaz rolled his eyes, looking back down at his paperwork. "Come in, then."

Y/N opened the door and walked inside. Kaz had resumed writing, the sound of his pen scratching against the parchment breaking the silence.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Y/N said, approaching him. "Not like I almost died or anything."

"Unfortunately I can hear you talking, therefore your body is working fine."

Y/N rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I actually thought that you were concerned about me," she muttered, sitting down in the chair that was always opposite his desk. Y/N put her feet up on the desk, ignoring Kaz's sigh of opposition.

"Which one of them sent you up here? Inej or Jesper?

"Both, actually," Y/N, replied, picking a sweet out of the bowl on Kaz's desk and sucking on it.

"I'm fine."

"Kaz, when was the last time you left this room?"

Kaz paused, having to think about it. "Last night."

"Which was what day?"

"Friday."

"Kaz, it's Tuesday."

He looked up, slightly perturbed by that. "Oh."

Y/N sighed, crossing her arms. "Kaz, look, I don't want to do this either but -"

"Then don't," Kaz snapped, glaring at her. "I'm perfectly content to sit in silence and not do this coddling shit."

Y/N stared at him. "Saints, Kaz! Did you lose all your emotions whilst I was bleeding out in your lap?"

"So? What if I did?" Kaz asked, leaning forward.

Y/N narrowed her eyes at him. "I can't lose you too."

"What?"

"That's what you said to me as I lay there, bleeding in your arms, barely conscious. You said 'I can't lose you too'." Y/N paused and looked at Kaz closely, her eyes narrowed slightly. "Too implies that you've already lost someone. I know it isn't Jesper or Inej because they're currently downstairs enjoying my dinner. I doubt it was a member of the Dregs since, well, since you refuse to let yourself get close to anyone. Therefore, using the powers of deduction that, frankly, I didn't know I had until now, it has to be a family member. Surprised you had a family, in all honesty, and that Ketterdam didn't just spit you out in the harbour."

Kaz flinched slightly at that. As Y/N spoke, he was growing more agitated and uncomfortable, the ocean beginning to rise and pull him under once more, sweeping the ground out from under his feet.

"So, in order to have a family, most people tend to have parents - a father or mother. But since you sell yourself as an orphan, I doubt it was your parents. Which leaves me with brother or sister. And from the way you act around Jesper, I'm going to go with brother, since -"

"Enough!"

Kaz slammed his hands down on the table, knocking over a pile of paperwork from the force. Y/N flinched, startled by his outburst.

"You know, if you'd just talked, I wouldn't have been so harsh," she said softly, looking at Kaz as he tried to get his emotions under control.

"I don't want to talk about it," he snarled, pushing himself away from his desk and retreating to the other side of the wall, ducking under the arch.

Y/N, unphased, got up and followed him, leaning against the arch as Kaz took his blazer off and rolled his sleeves up. He all but ripped his gloves off and plunged them under the running water.

"No one ever does, Kaz," Y/N said softly. "Who wants to talk about their trauma and their pain? But we do it anyway." Y/N paused. "If I am to stand any chance of understanding you, I need to know at least something. I don't want to keep trying if there's... if there's no point."

Kaz closed his eyes. His shoulders slumped and he braced himself on the sink. "Jordie," he grounded out, each word forcing him deeper and deeper into the darkness of the sea. "My brother's name was Jordie."

Y/N nodded. "That's all I need, Kaz," she said softly, turning to go.

"I was twelve."

Y/N turned back, startled. "Pardon?"

Kaz turned around, leaning against the basin. "I was twelve when he died. We'd left our family farm after our father died and came to Ketterdam for a new chance. The first few days were everything young me could have wanted. But then the money ran out, we were scammed and... and the plague swept through the city."

Kaz paused, inhaling shakily. He was using all his courage and strength to tell her this. But he knew he had to. Because he trusted Y/N and he wanted to at least try.

"Jordie and I both caught it. He died and I thought I would too. But then I woke up on... on the Reaper's Barge, lying on top of other dead bodies, Jordie next to me. I couldn't do anything as they tipped us into the water..."

Y/N was silent as Kaz paused. He was clutching the edge of the counter tightly, his knuckles white.

"I got to shore and the rest is history," Kaz finished, not wanting to subject himself to the memory any longer. He looked up at Y/N, his eyes haunted. "I lost him, Y/N. I just sometimes feel like I'm in a room where the light can't find me... like I'm in the depths of the ocean once more and there's no escaping."

"I get it," Y/N said softly. "The windowless rooms at the Lotus - I felt as if the darkness might just swallow me up. Now that I'm free I spend every day trying to make the most of my freedom and of the pleasure of just... well, just being free."

Neither one said anything for a moment.

"I want you to be happy," Kaz said suddenly, his voice hoarse. He was staring down at his feet, refusing to meet her gaze. "Whatever that means for us."

Y/N smiled to herself and nodded. "I'm just happy being free for now, Kaz. And you gave me that. I don't need more right now."

Kaz nodded. He looked at Y/N as she stood up and approached him, coming to a stop just a few feet away.

"We're good, yeah?" Y/N asked, hoping she hadn't made things weird.

Kaz tried not to smile. "We're fine. I won't deduct your pay for making me go to therapy."

"Well, if you hadn't locked yourself away, I wouldn't have had to conduct it in the first place," Y/N countered, smiling.

Kaz looked at her as she smiled and wished he could pause time. Because in that instance, she was just so perfect.

Without thinking, he reached out a gloved hand and grabbed the tips of her fingers, holding them lightly. As he held her hands, his walls came tumbling down until they revealed Kaz underneath - an unbroken, pure, innocent Kaz who was still capable of loving someone.

Y/N looked at him, her eyes showing only a slight hint of surprise as he held her hand, their walls tumbling down. She smiled and nodded, understanding what this meant to Kaz. What it meant for them. Even as the walls tumbled into rubble, Y/N stood right behind him, unshakeable and unbreakable.

[murswrites]

Could Be In Love ⎯  Matthias Helvar Drabble

Pairings: Matthias Helvar x Grisha!Reader Fandom: Grishaverse MASTERLIST Word Count: 875 Warnings: Cursing, angst SUMMARY: Matthias admits to something neither of you can comprehend. Part of @lxncelot​​‘s Writing challenge! Sequel: “A Burning Blizzard”

Prompt # 26: “I could be in love with someone like you.”

A/N I read that prompt and immediately thought of Matthias and a Grisha s/o. Using They/Them pronouns for reader.

The damp cell felt suffocating to them despite how far away Matthias sat from them. He sat with his legs up and head hanging low. Y/N however, stared at the wall beside his head, not saying a word. The silence was honestly worse than them arguing, Y/N would take anything other than the silence.

They willed for Matthias to say something... but the Druskelle sat quietly as the pair awaited freedom. The only light in the room (if you could even call it that) came from the small window by the ceiling, too bad neither of them were tall enough to see out of it to get an idea of where the hell they were.

Hours must have passed by as the quiet consumed them. But suddenly, Matthias let out a chuckle and Y/N tilted their head at him, obviously puzzled at his outburst.

“What’re you laughing at?” The question was simple but Matthias didn’t answer for at least a minute.

He looked up at them, eyes clouded with a million emotions and so much tenderness, “I could be in love with someone like you,” He sounded exhausted, as if admitting that took all of the energy from within his body and left him with an empty shell.

They glanced away, eyes heavy from lack of sleep, “Could be?” Their voice was soft and as hard as Matthias tried, he couldn’t help but like the sound of it. Even with sadness lacing their tone, he loved the sound of Y/N’s voice.

But the question frightened them both for very different reasons. For Matthias, he was scared to admit he didn’t want to hurt them; not anymore than he already has, that is. And for Y/N? By the saints they didn’t want Matthias to say those damned words, to hear him say he could never love a Grisha, let alone Y/N.

Him and those stupid ideals that Grisha are the likes of demons that need to be washed out. That the lands must be cleansed from the magic of people with the power to save millions. Y/N hated that Matthias believed in that shite. It was silly, how a boy as smart as himself would follow after like a bloody sheep.

Y/N laughed at that thought. No sound left their lips just some air but it caught Matthias’ attention.

“What?” He asks.

“I always thought of Druskelle as wolves... you hunt us down like wolves and leave nothing but scraps behind for our families to find... but you follow after your so called wise elders like sheep.”

Matthias shook his head at Y/N, “You still don’t understand do you?”

“You don’t understand a thing, Matthias, you’re nothing but a brainless child.” They spat out.

The harshness in Y/N’s voice startled him. Matthias had assumes they liked him more than that, he’d set them off many times before being locked in a cell with them, but now it seemed Y/N was a ticking bomb.

“Don’t try to explain it to me, your hatred for Grisha never left, I can see that now.”

“That is not true,” He argued.

“Isn’t it?” Y/N sighed, “How is it not true, you’ve just admitted it. You could love me if I weren’t Grisha, you could love me if I weren’t me, you could love me if we weren’t made out to be enemies from birth! But you can’t love me so long as I am me and you are you.” Their eyes shined with tears as they collapsed back against the wall. Y/N’s chest heaved as they caught their breath, turning their body away from Matthias to obstruct their view of him.

He didn’t say anything but wished he could find the words to explain how he felt. Matthias was never taught how to express his emotions or thoughts out loud. He never felt the need to because those around him always understood how he felt. If he was angry, his friends could tell, the same with sadness or disgust, it was easier with them.

At least with his fellow Druskelle he understood what he felt, but with Y/N he felt like he was drowning. No longer was the ground frozen below his feet, it began melting the moment they stumbled into Matthias’ life. Soon, it would be a slush, half water, half ice… Matthias knew he was sinking the first time he laughed at Y/N’s horrible humor. And now? He couldn’t breathe.

It filled him with such a profound feeling of confusion how easily he’d become his own person when separated from his… what would they be now? Family? As they once were? He knew that wouldn’t be possible, he’d befriended a Grisha… the enemy. But Y/N didn’t feel like the enemy… they felt like a friend even, despite all of the fighting and bickering, Y/N was better company than some Fjerdans.

Matthias sighed quietly, “I’m sorry,” What else could he say? He hardly knew what he was feeling or why he chose to apologize… but it felt better than leaving Y/N with nothing. After everything, they deserved some kind of response. Especially knowing that without them, Matthias would surely be dead.

[heliads]

Playing Fair

Based on an outstanding writing challenge by the equally outstanding @lxncelot and these prompts: “Don’t expect me to play fair” and “Tell me about the stars.”

masterlist

The halls of Hogwarts are crowded with students, their footsteps uneven as everyone tries to hurry to their friends or slow down to avoid their classes. Laughter and conversation hangs in the air as if it’s been charmed to stick to everyone’s skin and clothes and coats. Across the castle, someone is getting in trouble, someone else is racking up house points, and you, you are trying your hardest to avoid your best friend.

You can’t help a grin as you run, the smile torn from you by your flurry of movements. You can see Sirius Black just turning the corner now, and his eyes alight with victory when he spots you again. In a few seconds, he’ll dodge around the large group of second-years in between the two of you, and then he’ll be upon you. You let out a terrified shout of laughter and pick up the pace again, dashing down a nearby corridor. You nearly think that you’ve managed to shake him until a hand closes around your wrist, and when you look back, a dark-haired Gryffindor boy is smirking at you triumphantly.

“Found you, Y/N. You can’t run forever.” You pretend to pout. “Are you sure about that? I’m pretty sure I could escape if I tried.” Sirius rolls his eyes. “I would simply run after you. There is no escape, Y/N L/N, not from me. Responsibility comes to us all.” You groan as he pulls you into a nearby alcove to speak. “You’re going to tell me to be responsible? You, Sirius Black, Marauder, wouldn’t know responsibility if it smacked you on the head.”

You reach over to hit him, just to prove a point, but he only laughs harder. “Oh come on, Y/N, you don’t even know what I’m going to ask you to do.” You narrow your eyes at him. “Lily came up to me in a hurry and said you had a favor to ask, so I ran. I feel that was a perfectly reasonable response.” Sirius folds his arms across his chest. “When have I ever asked you to do something bad?”

You gape at him. “Yesterday, you forced me to help you charm the staircases to freeze in place for an hour, two days before that, you made me a key player in your plot to turn James’ hair blond, and last week, when you asked me for help on your potions homework, it was literally just because you wanted to secretly slip a drinkable shampoo in Severus’ pumpkin juice to see what would happen.”

Sirius holds up his hands in defense. “To be fair, James and I had a bet going that Snivellus would shrivel up like a snail if he so much as touched a hair product, so I was just making sure our common goal was met.” You raise an eyebrow incredulously. “Does that make this any better, or you any more trustworthy?” Sirius grins sheepishly. “Not at all. Are you still going to help me, though?”

You eye him critically. “Depends on what this favor is. Are you going to tell me?” Sirius counters. “Are you going to stop running away from me?” You shrug casually. “Depends. What mad scheme have you cooked up now?” A wolflike grin crosses Sirius’ face, all flashing teeth. “I need you to pretend to fall in love with me for the foreseeable future.” You feel as if a gaping hole has just opened up in your stomach. “You want me to do what?” Sirius scratches the back of his head as if chagrined to even ask. “I know how it sounds, but I need you to pretend to like me. I want to make Marlene jealous.”

There it is, the final clause. “Ah. Marlene.” Sirius doesn’t appear to notice the slight inflection in your voice. “Exactly. You know how I feel about Marlene, Y/N, but I don’t think she has any clue about it. I need your help to make her realize she might like me back.” You can’t help but issue back a snarky retort. “Have you tried a love potion? They’re far faster and don’t involve manipulating your friends.”

Sirius groans. “Yeah, but that’s mean, and it wouldn’t count. Jealousy is our best bet. So, will you do it?” You look at him now, eyes wide in hope, and sigh. Have you ever been able to tell him no? Even after everything, when he’s landed you in mountains of trouble and only been able to pull you out half the time, you’d still follow him anywhere, go through with any plot. So, you muddle through one last attempt to pull your wits together and stop this, then slump back against the stone wall behind you. 

“Fine. I’ll do it.” Sirius’ beaming grin is infectious. He reaches forward, picking you off of your feet in a hug that makes your heart do a little loop in your chest. “You’re the best, Y/N. You know that? The very best. I’ll name our firstborn child after you.” When he finally puts you down, you can’t help but hesitate before him, unwilling to force yourself out of the shelter of his arms. “You’d better, Sirius Black. I expect full appreciation for my services in forcing you and Marlene together.”

Full appreciation, because you’re holding back so many words and thoughts and feelings that you think you might burst. Full appreciation, because you have been in love with Sirius Black for years, and he still hasn’t figured it out. Full appreciation, because you’re about to do your best to push your crush together with someone else. You never took Divination yourself, too focused on the myriad of other classes available at Hogwarts, but you’re fairly sure that you can predict something for yourself: this is going to hurt.

Then Sirius grabs your hand, interlocking your fingers together as if they’re threads of a tapestry, always meant to be together, and you let yourself forget that you’ve ever felt anything for him other than happiness, no matter who he’s with. Sirius may have asked you to pretend you’re in love, but you won’t have to fake a thing. The only flaw with this plan is what happens when Sirius gets Marlene jealous and he finally asks her out, and you’re left standing in the rubble of the best thing you ever had.

Sirius leads you through the halls and back outside, where the other Marauders and friends have camped out underneath a towering tree. Remus and Lily are comparing Charms notes, James is doing his best to pretend that he isn’t staring at his red-headed friend, Marlene is trying to transfigure the rock in front of her into a shiny beetle, and Peter is sitting on the outskirts and watching it all. You watch the way Sirius’ eyes flash to Marlene first, and then his hand slips to casually rest on the curve of your waist.

When the two of you sit down, Sirius pulls you close to him, your back resting against his shoulder. Judging by the unsurprised looks of the others excluding Marlene, they’re all parley to Sirius’ plan. Lily shoots you a knowing smile, then goes back to her homework. Marlene, across the clearing, sits up a little straighter, and you can practically feel Sirius’ triumphant smile. So far, his plan is working, but he’s never been content to just stop at one victory.

So, he scoots over, gently guiding you to lie down with your head in his lap. You raise an eyebrow at him as he gently cards his fingers through your hair. For every inch as absentminded as the gesture seems, you can tell that it’s all practiced, all a show put on for the girl sitting a few paces away. “Isn’t this taking it a little far on the first day? You’ve got to give her at least a fighting chance.” You ask in a quiet whisper only audible to the boy holding you close.

Sirius just flashes you a grin, cocky as ever. “Don’t expect me to play fair, Y/N. I’m a Marauder, aren’t I?” You roll your eyes. “You’re impossible.” Sirius’ grin broadens. “A wonderfully fitting title. And you’re in love with me, remember, so do your best to seem as hopelessly infatuated as possible.” You stick out your tongue at him, but there’s no true mischief in the expression. It is significantly easier for you to fake love than Sirius thinks; the only hard part is drawing up the act of apathy once this ends and he’s won Marlene over.

There you stay for the sun-drenched space of the next few hours. You sit up at some point, complaining of a crick in your neck, and Sirius absentmindedly reaches over to rub at your back. No matter how long this act goes on, you’re not sure that you’ll ever truly get used to the casual touches or light movements, how easy it is for Sirius to take your hand or press a kiss to your knuckles. It seems too easy for him, and far too hard for you.

The act goes on for another few days, and then it’s been a full week. You vaguely think that it’s working, that Marlene does seem to be jealous, although that could just be surprise that you and Sirius appear to be hovering on the very brink of dating when you’d just been friends before. However, the longer it goes on, the longer the whole thing wears on you. Does it hurt to know that Sirius would only truly pay attention to you just so he could get to someone else? Yes, it does, more than you expected.

Eventually, you can’t help but vent to Lily, who approaches you soon enough. She’s your closest friend in the entire school, and someone who knows how you truly feel about Sirius. She kept your secret when Sirius asked you to help make Marlene jealous, but she couldn’t help but inquire as to why you would go along with it. You had just shrugged it off at the beginning, but it’s getting to you now.

You walk with her to classes, rubbing a hand tiredly over your face. “It’s just hard, you know? He could only ever love me if he was faking it for someone else.” Lily puts a hand on your shoulder in sympathy. “But it’s good now, isn’t it?” You sigh. “Yeah, if I didn’t know that he was completely in love with Marlene.” Lily shakes her head. “I guess so. You know, all this time I thought he was actually in love with you.”

Your head snaps up. “What?” Lily shrugs. “I don’t know, I never saw him looking at Marlene the way he looks at you. Guess I was wrong.” You stare at her incredulously for a second longer, but she changes the subject eventually and you’re forced to stumble along to class. How could Lily have thought such a thing?

Sirius comes to you that night, when you’re walking back to the common room after dinner. Dusk has fallen long ago, and you can make out a vague darkness of night through the windows lining the halls. You’re walking alone, treasuring some peace of mind for once after so much time spent with the admittedly wild Gryffindors, when someone utterly familiar slings an arm around your shoulders. You smile up at him. “Hey, Sirius.” He winks. “Hey yourself. Come with me, I found a way to sneak onto the roof of one of the towers.”

You can’t help but laugh as he pulls you haphazardly through the crowds of the corridor. “The roof?” Sirius nods, grinning. “There’s a secret hatch on the astronomy tower. I want to show you.” Why just you? Why now? A dozen questions bubble up inside of you, but you keep them quiet for now. At last, Sirius is helping you through a hidden opening in the ceiling of the astronomy tower, and then you’re blinking in the starlight, unable to stop a smile as you stare at the grounds of Hogwarts unrolling out before you like a map.

“This is amazing. How did you find this?” Sirius is smiling too, proud of himself. “I was bored during class.” You shake your head, amused. “So you were what, poking at the ceiling? A respectable classtime activity.” Sirius pretends to be hurt. “Hey, James was doing it too. Not just me.” You roll your eyes, leaning back against a flat part of the roof tiles. “Okay, okay. I’ll never criticize your secret hatch finding skills again.”

Sirius pokes you in the shoulder. “You’d better not, because I wouldn’t show this view to just anybody.” You look over at him, where he sits next to you on the sand green tiles. “Really?” Sirius nods, dark hair blowing in the cool breeze of the late hours. “Really. I haven’t taken anybody up here except James when we first found it.” You shake your head slightly, trying and failing to dislodge the giddy feeling in your chest.

You tilt your head up, looking at the pinpricks of bright light in the sky. “You know about the constellations, don’t you? Tell me about the stars. Which one are you?” Sirius frowns in confusion. “What?” You gesture vaguely towards the night sky before you. “Your name, Sirius. It’s a star. Which one is it?” Sirius’ eyes clear, and he points towards a particularly bright cluster, taking your hand as he goes so you can point towards it too.

“That one. It’s a part of Canis Major.” You nod, pretending to be impressed. “Admirable fact. What other ones do you know?” It’s as if you can watch the worries fall away from Sirius’ face as he studies the sky. “That one is Orion, and Rigel-” He laces your fingers together as he moves his hand, both of you pointing as one- “Taurus isn’t far off, and Canis Minor is a little bit further away.” You smile at him, attention hooked not on the stars but their reflections in Sirius’ eyes.

“See, now I don’t need to take Astronomy, I can just come up here with you and have you tell me everything. It works out perfectly.” Sirius looks back at you now, a soft smile playing over his lips. “Yeah, perfect.” You can’t find the words to say anything else, so you just sit there, watching the way the quiet light of the moon and stars ghosts over Sirius’ cheekbones and the curve of his nose.

Then he smiles, teeth shining in the dark. “You’re really good at this, you know? I didn’t even have to say anything and you’re perfect. Marlene just left, so-” You follow his gaze to a nearby tower, where you can just make out the swiftly departing figure of a girl. All of a sudden, you realize why he was here, and your stomach drops. “That’s it? All because of Marlene.” You let out a harsh breath, almost disgusted with yourself.

“Here I was, happy for once just to be here with you, and it’s solely because of her. God, I can’t believe I thought it would be for anything else. I mean, I know you never like to play fair, but I thought you’d be a little more than this.” You start to stand up, ready to leave. Sirius catches at your wrist, pulling you back down. Why did you ever let yourself be so comfortable around him? “What are you talking about, Y/N? What did I do?”

You stare at him incredulously. All those words about stars and trips to the roof just for you, and you’d believed him. How could you be so naive as to think that he would actually mean any of it? “All of this, Sirius. I know I agreed to help you with Marlene, but I wish I never did. At least then when you talked to me I knew it was because you actually wanted to see me, not just because you were thinking about her.”

Sirius looks as if you’ve slapped him. “What are you talking about? Y/N, I never meant to make you feel like this. I didn’t know you felt like this.” You turn away from him, unable to look him in the eyes and come to terms with everything you’d foolishly allowed yourself to believe. “I loved you, Sirius. I’ve loved you for years, and I should have known better than to get caught up in something like this, because you would never see me as anything more than a tool to get what you want.”

He’s starting to say something now, but there’s a fierce fire burning in your throat, and you rush towards the hatch in the roof, disappearing back down into the tower. You can’t see him like this. You can’t bear to see the disappointment in his eyes when he realizes how you truly feel about him.

You don’t see him in the common room after that, of course. Sirius Black is used to girls crushing on him, he’s even complained about a few to you before. You sit with other friends at the meals, with Lily during classes, and do your best to pretend that you’ve never talked with him about anything that could break your heart in two. Anything to stop the awful hurt that won’t seem to leave you.

So it could go on forever, you suppose, until the two of you forget about the whole thing and silently agree to never speak about it again. You’ve already started towards that, in a way. You were assigned together for a Potions assignment and you exchanged politely brisk words. You also pretended that you couldn’t see the way he kept looking at you out of the corner of his eye, like if you kept your gaze firmly planted on the contents of your shared cauldron, his would eventually turn that way, too.

When you’re at last dismissed from class, you hurry from the dim and smoke-filled Potions room, barely even pausing to shove your book into your bag as you walk. You can hear Sirius walking after you, maybe even calling your name, but you keep moving. You don’t want to hear his halfhearted apology about how he didn’t know, how he wouldn’t have asked you to help him get with Marlene if he’d known.

However, Sirius catches up to you. He always does, doesn’t he? And, when he asks to speak in private with that familiar hurt look in his eyes, you almost believe him. Almost. Instead, you shake your head, attempting to move past him. “It’s fine, Sirius, I shouldn’t have said anything.” He follows you, insistent. “No, I was wrong. Wrong to think about Marlene. I should have seen-”

At last, you stop, staring at him incredulously. “What? You should have seen me instead?” Sirius nods. “I think I might love you, Y/N. I think I messed this whole thing up.” You laugh, the sound jaded. “No, you don’t. You’re trying to think of some way to make this better, but you don’t have to. You love Marlene, not me, and I will not be your second choice girlfriend just because you can’t get her to fall in love with you. I am worth more than that.”

Sirius flinches. “Yes, you are, and there are countless things I wish I had said and done so we didn’t come to this. But I can’t take them back, and the only thing I can do is find something to fix this. You know, all this week, I’ve been wondering what was wrong with the group. We talked as much as usual, but it was that much quieter, and I smiled that much less. I thought we all might be sleep deprived or just have a lot of homework, but it wasn’t that. The one thing missing, the one thing that made everything seem that much worse, was that you weren’t there with me.”

You stare at him. “What are you talking about?” Sirius sighs, raking a hand through his already slightly disheveled hair. “I miss you, Y/N. I miss walking to class and talking during meals and spending time outside with the rest. I would rather have you never speak to me again, so long as you come back to the group. Talk to everyone there but me, that’s fine. I just want to see you again.” Your angry words are drying up in your throat. 

Then, you start to think. You think about the way that you don’t think Sirius had ever made a single move towards Marlene in all the time he’d been trying to make her jealous. In fact, all he’d ever really done was get closer to you. Sure, he mentioned her, but only as an afterthought. And, with this revelation, you start to think that Lily might not have been wrong after all. Maybe he did really feel something for you.

You sigh, still hesitant. “You actually like me? This isn’t just some elaborate plot to get your friend back?” Sirius spreads his hands. “Well, I do love elaborate plots, but I mean it, Y/N. I don’t know how to say it except that I don’t like who I am when you’re not around.” You stare at him a moment longer, then start to laugh. “I think you might actually love me.” Sirius looks at you pointedly. “Y/N, love, I don’t know that I could have made it that much more obvious. I’m trying my hardest, and you’re making it very difficult-”

You cut him off with a kiss. When you break away, he blinks at you in surprise, then kisses you back. “I was willing to have an elaborate plot, though. That was my backup plan.” You laugh. “I can’t believe you.” He quirks an eyebrow. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” You grin up at him, the boy who might actually love you after everything. “A very, very good thing.”

harry potter tag list: i would have elaborate plots to date you @underc0vercryptid​, @cameronsails​, @chaoticgirl04, @aleksanderwh0r3

[teaand-dreams]

Favors

Dick Grayson x Reader

Summary: One favor became two and two favors slowly morphed into a hundred until that’s what your relationship with him became—exchanging favors. Slight spoilers for season 1 episode 6 of Titans

Prompts: “you so owe me one, after tonight” + “are we friends?”

TW: anxiety, stress, characters arguing, angst

Written for @lxncelot ‘s writing challenge

WC: 3152

A/N: This is not proofread, sorry for any and all mistakes.

 The silence surrounds you, filling your bones with a weight attached to an emotion you immediately push away. If you don’t think about it, you don’t have to deal with what you just did. You don’t have to think about all the years you just lost. You don’t have to think about him. You don’t have to remember and regret and regret remembering and remember regretting and regret wanting to forget.

There was a new kid in class. Everyone had been whispering about it—about him—and what terrible and miraculous luck he must had in order to have been orphaned and then adopted by Bruce Wayne. Everyone was exchanging stories about the boy named Richard Grayson and how lucky he was to live with Gotham’s famous billionaire. No one approached him.

You heard his name whispered throughout your morning classes, but didn’t see him until lunch. You watched as everyone whispered and gossiped and his eyes traced patterns on the floor, his shoulders drawn up and his face a mask of neutrality. You watched while everyone around you muttered about how convenient being friends with him could be for their families. You watched as he dropped into the corner of the room and avoided looking at anyone.

Your legs were moving before you realized they were, and you found yourself moving to approach him. Your finger gently tapped his shoulder as you whispered “If you want to avoid their stares, Mrs. Hudson sometimes lets me eat lunch in her room. You can come with if you want.”

He blinked up at you before silently nodding, and you led him out of the suffocating room filled with murmured expectations and the hopes of children whose parents put too much pressure on them to be perfect.

Less than a week later you had found yourself in one of Wayne Manor’s living rooms with Dick, history and chemistry notes splayed across the floor in front of you as you quizzed one another in preparation for future exams.

Dick spread his limbs across the couch, his fingers twirling a note card as he read from it. “Who was the first American-born author to gain international popularity?”

Your head rolled back to rest against the couch as you hummed in thought. “Washington Irving?”

“Correct. Who-”

“How was school today?” Your eyes instinctively sought out the voice that had spoken, and you rushed to stand when you saw who had. Dick followed, his shoulders dropping. The man looked up, and you swallowed as his eyes met yours. “Oh, I didn’t realize you had company over. Hello. I’m Bruce Wayne, and you are?”

“Y/N L/N. It’s nice to meet you.”

Bruce turned his gaze to Dick. “Dinner will be ready in a half hour. Shall I instruct Alfred to set another plate?”

Dick glanced at you, his eyes wide and his jaw clenching in a silent plea. Your eyebrows raised in question. He slowly, carefully, gave the smallest shake of his head and swallowed. Your lips pressed together as you turned to face Bruce.

“Actually,” you began, “my parents are making fajitas tonight and Dick said they sounded good so I was wondering if he could come over to my house for dinner tonight? I know it’s last minute and all, but…fajitas?”

Bruce stared at you, his eyes scrutinizing your face as your legs stiffened and your heart pounded in your chest. Eventually, he nodded and turned to walk out of the room. “I’ll let Alfred know. I suppose I’ll be seeing you around Y/N L/N.”

You swallowed and nodded before turning to Dick, who immediately wrapped his arms around you.

“Thank you,” he whispered into your hair, and you found yourself tightening your arms around him.

As Dick led you down the driveway you found yourself questioning what to say. Eventually, you settled on a phrase and turned to speak to him.

“You so owe me one, after tonight.” You nudged his arm softly, and Dick quickly met your eyes before looking away.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I do.”

“Would it have been so bad to have dinner with him?”

Dick shrugged. “It’s just weird. He’s not…he’s not family.”

You glanced at your feet, and the silence between the two of you lingered until you were on the train heading to your house.

Dick opened his mouth, then shut it. His eyes flitted back and forth from you, to the other passengers, to the window, back to you, and to the floor. You frowned and opened your mouth to ask him what was wrong when he spoke.

“Are we friends?”

You reeled back. “Of course we are.”

“Oh.”

“I was joking about you owing me, if that’s what this is about.”

Dick bit his lip, his eyes glazed over as they stared somewhere over your shoulder. “I just wasn’t sure. I don’t have a lot of friends.”

Your palms found his cheeks and you forced his eyes to meet yours before you spoke again. “You have me. I will always be your friend, Dick Grayson. No matter what.”

A blast of electric guitar snaps you out of your mind and you quickly move to silence your phone. Quiet reinters the space for a moment before the ringtone is pushing into your ears again and you bite your lip to keep from screaming, clenching your hands around the steering wheel to keep from throwing your phone out the window of the car. It’s a fairly new phone and you don’t want to explain that decision to your parents and friends.

The body in the passenger seat of your car groans and you instinctively throw your phone at their face.

“Turn it off,” you order. “Do whatever you have to but make it stop.”

“Will I get a kiss if I do?”

You scowl and your hands clench around the steering wheel even tighter as your vision narrows on the road in front of you. Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think. Kiss. Push it away. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Don’t think about it. Kiss. Kiss. Ignore it. Kiss. Leave it alone. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

You groaned as you slumped against your desk, the words in your textbook blurring together as your eyes strained to make sense of them. Whoever said Junior year of high school was no big deal was lying. You had been studying for the better part of eight hours, and you were still nowhere near ready to take a test that would singlehandedly determine the rest of your life. No pressure.

You sighed, and as you lifted your arm to turn to the next page of the textbook, something dinged against your window. Your head shot up, and the tension drained out of your body as you spotted the colored getup of one of Gotham’s vigilantes. You stood, your muscles aching in protest, and shuffled to open your window. Dick flashed a grin at you as you climbed in, his fingers peeling his mask off his face.

“Hey honey. I was worried you might have already gone to bed.”

You shook your head, silently pressing into him as the world blurred at the edges of your vision. “Need to study,” you muttered into his shoulder.

Dick sighed, gently wrapping his arms around you and slowly swaying you to some tune in his head. “That’s not healthy, Y/N. Besides, we studied for four hours yesterday. You’re going to do fine.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Hey!” Dick pulled back and his hands moved to gently stroke your cheeks. His eyes moved over your face for a moment in silence before he began to whisper. “Do me a favor and listen to me, and hear what I am telling you. You are an amazing, wonderful, talented person, and any university would be stupid not to see that, no matter what score you get on that stupid test. But that doesn’t matter because you have studied for it, and I know you’re worried, but you have studied and you are going to go and take that test and do so amazing on it.”

You snorted, your eyes misting over as you reached up to grab one of his hands and lace his fingers with your own. “You’re pretty amazing yourself.”

He flashed you a grin. “I know.”

You found yourself leaning into him, and as your mind blanked, he leaned into you, and the blurred world vanished as his lips touched yours for the first, but far from the last, time.

When the two of you parted, Dick swayed you for a few moments longer before whispering “Do me a favor and go to sleep?” You agreed, and he led you to your bed.

“Your phone is turned off.”

“Thank you,” you breathe out, and the person next to you merely hums.

“You know he’ll start calling me next, right?”

“Turn your phone off too, then.”

“Maybe you should listen to what he has to say.”

“I’ve listened to words he says for half my life. I don’t have to listen. I know exactly what he’s going to say if I pick up that phone.”

The sky was clear, and the sun twirled through the air to greet you as you avoided staring at the car in front of you in favor for the empty park across the street.

Motion entered your field of vision, and your eyes watered against your will as Dick stopped a foot away from you. His arms folded across his chest, and his expression melted into a worried gaze as you turned your eyes to the park.

“Come with me,” he finally said, his voice cracked and broken and you blinked against the desire to break. “Do me a favor, just this one, and I will owe you for the rest of our lives, but come with me.”

You shut your eyes, a sound somewhere between a gasp and a sob tearing itself from your throat. “Don’t ask that of me,” you snapped. “Don’t you dare ask that of me, Grayson. You know my life is here.”

Dick sniffed, his eyes shutting as he nodded, his lips falling into a small frown as his shoulders slumped in defeat. “I can’t stay here,” he eventually voiced, and you found yourself holding your breath as your heart pounded against your chest in dispute of your decision.

“I know,” you told him.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re crazy if you think this what it takes for me to disappear from your life.”

Dick huffed as his lips quirked into a small smile. “You know what I mean.”

You shrugged. “Lots of people are in long-distance relationships. I see no reason why we can’t make it work.”

You watched as Dick swallowed and he nodded again. “You’re right,” he choked out. “I mean, it’s not like I’m going to be halfway around the world.”

“Exactly.”

A clock chimed in the distance and Dick sighed. “I guess I’d better get going. Do me a favor and don’t let me know how he’s doing? I want to get away from it all, and if you send me updates I don’t think I can.”

You nodded. “Whatever you need.”

Dick pulled you into a hug and you willingly fell into his arms, savoring the feeling of his warmth blanketing you from the outside world. “I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you too.”

“One last favor, then.” Dick tightened his arms around you. “Don’t let that statement change?”

You shook your head. “I don’t think that’s ever going to be a possibility.”

“Y/N, you can’t avoid him forever.”

“Can’t I? Watch me. Or better yet, do yourself a favor and get out while you still can.”

“Why would I want to do that? Look, your business is your business but if you keep ignoring his calls he’s just going to drive to Gotham and stand outside your apartment until you let him in.”

You sigh and lean back to rest your head against the headrest. “Swear you won’t tell him what I’m about to tell you.”

The wind pushed harshly against your back as you staggered up to the door of Wayne Manor, politely knocking twice before inserting the key you’d had for years and entering. You glanced around the entryway, and upon not seeing anyone, decided to call out. “Bruce? I’m here. What’s the emergency? I swear, if Dick finds out I’m here he will not be happy, so this better be important.”

The tick of the clock hanging in the entryway greeted your ears as you listened for another voice that didn’t come. Finally, you sighed and started towards the main living room. “Bruce?”

You slowly entered, and raised your eyebrow as Bruce turned to face you.

“Thank you for coming,” his monotone voice reached your ears and you merely shrugged. He sighed. “I have to attend a meeting in London tomorrow, and I’m not sure I trust him to prepare a healthy meal. Could you stop by to make sure he eats?”

You glanced around the room, your eyes stopping on a figure slouched on the couch. “What are you talking about?”

Bruce turned and gestured to the figure. “Jason. Jason, stand up and introduce yourself. I know it’s sudden, but I would appreciate the help.”

“Why would I do anything to help you?”

“Well-”

“After what happened with Dick, I don’t even know why I’m here.” You turned to leave.

“What’s he like?”

You froze at the unknown voice, and slowly turned until your gaze was on the speaker. The boy’s eyes left you to stare at the floor as he shrugged.

“Dick,” he clarified. “What’s Dick like?”

Bruce stiffened and quickly muttered something under his breath before leaving the room.

You took a deep breath, your mind flitting through all of your memories. “He’s…he’s Dick. He’s my best friend, and my boyfriend, and he works hard, and tries to do good, and sometimes he gets inside his own head but no more than I get inside mine, and he’s…he’s trying his best.”

“Bruce doesn’t like talking about him.”

“No…some stuff happened between them, bad stuff, and…I don’t know exactly what happened because Dick didn’t want to tell me, but it was bad.”

“And you just trusted Dick’s word?”

You shrugged. “He hasn’t given me a reason not to trust him.”

Jason hummed. “But he moved. He’s not in Gotham anymore.”

You swallowed. “No.”

“Isn’t that hard?”

“Look kid, if you’re trying to pry information from me for Bruce tell him to leave it alone.”

Jason shook his head. “I’m just curious. I’ve hardly left one part of Gotham, much less the whole city. I mean…if it’s hard for you and Dick to stay in contact, what if it’s hard for me and my friends to stay in contact?”

A long sigh left your body as you crossed your arms, quickly glancing through the door Bruce had gone through. “We don’t talk as often as we used to,” you eventually offered. “Not nearly as much as I would like, but…he’s forming a new life in a new city. I guess…sometimes I wonder if he’s forgetting about me, but then he’ll text me and it’ll be something like ‘do me a favor and drink a glass of water’ because he knows me and he knows sometimes I forget to drink water during the day or I get so busy I forget to go to sleep at a decent hour.”

Jason stared at you; his eyes distant for a few moments. “Why would you getting a glass of water or going to sleep be a favor for him?”

You shrugged, the corners of your lips lifting slightly. “It’s kind of like an inside joke from when we were younger. Just kind of stuck.”

“Huh.”

“I swear.”

A blast of electric guitar woke you in the middle of the night, and you fumbled for your phone. Upon seeing Dick smiling up at you through a photo, you immediately answered and pressed the device to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey honey,” Dick’s voice lit a warmth in your chest and you nearly sobbed in relief having not heard it for a few months.

“It’s good to hear from you,” you told him.

“Yeah…Listen, I need a favor.”

Within an hour, you had pulled clothes on and started your car. When you reached your destination, you slammed the car door behind you.

Dick stood in front of a house. Jason stood next to him, one hand holding the suitcase you knew the Robin suit was packed into.

“Get in the car,” you snapped. Jason didn’t move. “Jason. Get in the car.” Jason slowly peeled himself from Dick’s side and moved toward the passenger seat of your car. You strode toward Dick, your fingernails pressing into your palms.

“Hey honey,” Dick said.

“‘Hey honey’?” You repeated. “We haven’t seen each other in person in almost a year and that’s how you greet me? ‘Hey honey’?”

Dick shrugged. “It’s good to see you, Y/N.” You scoffed. Dick reached for you, and you found yourself shooting away, fleeing his touch. Dick sighed. “I owe you one for tonight.”

You shook your head, tears filling your eyes. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Dick’s confused voice hit your heart and you inhaled deeply, forcing yourself to count to ten before you released your breath.

“Are we friends?” You asked, suddenly tired, and Dick frowned.

“Of course we are. We’re more than friends. Why would you ask that?”

You shut your eyes, swallowing hard. “Cause it doesn’t feel like we are. I feel like every time we talk you’re asking something of me.”

Dick laughed. “What? That’s not true.”

You shrugged, blinking away the tears. “Even so, I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

Dick stiffened before moving toward you. You backed away again. Hurt flashed on his face before it was void of emotion. “You said you would stay. No matter what.”

“I know what I said.”

“So why are you breaking your word?”

“I love you Dick.”

“Then don’t do this. Please. I will owe you everything for the rest of our lives if-”

“Stop saying that! Stop saying you owe me or asking me to do you a favor! Just…I can’t do this anymore.”

A whine tore itself from Dick’s throat, but you turned your back to him and forced your feet to move toward your car.

“Tell me what I can do,” Dick pleaded. “Anything. Just tell me what I can do.”

You shook your head. “Nothing.”

“Y/N. Please. Honey. Please. I can’t lose you.”

Your hand grasped the car door before you turned back to face Dick. “You know what Dick? You can do me a favor. Forget my number.”

You glance at Jason, and he laughs.

“I don’t owe Dick anything. I swear I won’t tell him.”

You take a deep breath. “I got a job offer, and I took it. I’m moving to London.”

Continue the story with: Bagels and Regrets

taglist: @tangled-upwithyou​

[retvenkos]

hi Olive!! I'm extremely excited about your writing challenge, and definitely joining. for now, can I take word prompts "tranquil", "rooftop", and Enjoy the Silence as a song prompt, for a Kanej fic? The song was CALLING me. have a great day! ❤

your mind, clara. never before have i seen the kanej implications of enjoy the silence,,,,,, even just small parts like "come crashing in" is like the tiiiiiiiiide,,,,,,,, brb, i have to go reevaluate the entire song now. (but on another note, isn't depeche mode such a mood?)

anyway, lol, i've added you, and i'm excited to see what you come up with!

want to join my writing challenge?

[rubysunnday]

meaningless words

A/N: So, surprise, I did another story for @lxncelot's writing challenge

Summary: Two am - the money is still coming, the drinks are getting into the twenties, Ketterdam is nowhere near going to sleep and Y/N and Kaz just happened to both have a bad day and end up sitting at the same table.

The memory was burnt into her mind. It wouldn't leave her alone - the heat of the flames, the smell of burning wood as the ship exploded.

The destruction of the Valkyrie had hit the Dregs deeply. On board had been their friends - their family - all hoping to escape and find somewhere to start a new with their precious cargo bound for Ravka.

And in an instant, it was gone.

Y/N had been the first person there. She'd been standing on the harbour wall, waiting to watch the ship leave, when she was thrown back by the sheer force of the explosion. The screams -

She jumped as someone slammed a glass down onto the table in front of her. Y/N looked up and saw Kaz standing above her, grimacing in pain as he awkwardly manoeuvred himself to sit down opposite her.

"If you keep thinking about it, the worse it'll get," he said gruffly, resting his hands atop his cane.

"It's difficult to think about anything else," Y/N said, taking the drink Kaz had placed in front of her. The liquid burnt her throat as she drunk it.

Kaz watched her as she set her glass back down. "I take it Nina saw to your injuries."

"She did."

"I take it you kept the scars?"

Y/N swallowed, a lump suddenly forming in her throat. Her hand subconsciously brushed along her side which now bore several nasty, ugly scars. "I did. She tried to heal them but I insisted on it."

Kaz nodded. "You spoken to Jesper, yet?"

"No."

"You should."

"Why?"

"Because he was the one to find you and bring you back here. You also almost bled out on his favourite shirt -"

"Kaz, I get that, for once, you are trying to fill the silence but, please, shut the fuck up," Y/N snapped, lifting her gaze from the table to glare at him.

Kaz nodded once and then silence fell again. Y/N lowered her gaze back to her half-full glass and sighed softly, closing her eyes for a moment. Instantly she was assaulted by fire, smoke, screaming and pain.

"What are you thinking about?"

Kaz looked up from the piece of paper he was reading and raised an eyebrow.

"Look, I know I just told you to shut up but... every time," Y/N paused, "every time silence falls all I hear is screaming so... what are you thinking about?"

Kaz looked at her - his thoughts and expression completely unreadable. "Inej found a lead on who might have destroyed the Valkyrie," he said, his voice harsh but quiet amongst the noise of the club. "Man named Smirnov - know anything about him?"

"Hunts Grisha for a living and sells them to the Fejerdans," Y/N replied, without missing a beat. "Slave trader. Someone must have gotten loose-lipped and spilt whilst drunk, he overheard and tada. If he can't get anyone to buy them or doesn't think it worth it..." Y/N mimed an explosion with her hands. "Boom."

"Boom," Kaz echoed, his eyes back at the paper. "Who do you think told?"

"No one still alive, I assure you," Y/N muttered. "Probably some idiot on board thinking they'd get a bit of extra money for selling out their friends." She paused, her finger running along a dent in the table. "Instead all they got was death."

Kaz watched her - he saw the broken pieces of her crumbling to the floor, unable to hold on. He could see the pain on her face every time she closed her eyes or silence fell. But he didn't know what to do. He wasn't like Jesper or Nina - he couldn't hug her until she felt better or wipe the tears she was desperately holding back.

He couldn't lie to her either because Kaz knew that it wouldn't be ok. The trauma would stay with her - like it always did. It would follow her around like a shadow and when she'd thought it had gone, pop up again and fore her back hundreds of steps.

Kaz wouldn't lie to her. He couldn't. Jordie had lied to him and now look at where he was.

He looked up at her again and noticed her closed eyes, her hand curled into a fist, the irregular breathing. The all too familiar signs of panic.

"I'm almost certain Jesper has been wearing Wylan's shirts."

Y/N's eyes flew open and she stared at him. "What?"

"They never quite fit - they're a bit too small and certainly not the colour Jesper would usually wear. When Nina wears Matthias' - she makes it obvious. Jesper, however, acts as if he is almost trying to hide it."

Y/N gaped at him. "I'm sorry, what happened to enjoy the silence Kaz Brekker?"

"You don't like silence right now... therefore I am trying to fill it," Kaz said slowly. "With the idle gossip Inje has subjected me to recently as revenge for hiding her knives when she was ill."

"That was Jesper and I."

"I am aware of that - Inej, however, is not. And to be honest, Y/N, darling, I need you and Inej to work together and not hunt each other down so I'm letting her think it was me," Kaz explained.

Y/N wasn't sure she'd ever heard him speak so much in one go. Kaz didn't like explaining himself unless he had to - it was boring and tiresome and often ruined his plans. He never spoke unless it was for a reason - every word that came out had a purpose.

Until now. Because now, Kaz was rambling on about shirts and knives like he was a schoolboy.

Y/N knew that she'd scared the living shit out of everyone when Jesper had carried her into the Slat, covered in ash, blood and seawater, looking as if there wasn't an inch of life left in her. Which, to be fair, there hadn't been until Nina had worked her magic and got her heart beating again.

But even then, Kaz hadn't been flustered. He'd been the first person she'd spoken to after she'd woken up but even then - when she'd told him what had happened in detail without leaving anything to the imagination - he hadn't been flustered.

Yet now. He was using more words than Y/N thought she'd heard in the entire time of knowing him.

Kaz sighed, almost as if he knew where her mind had gone. "Look, Y/N, I'm not gonna sugarcoat this -"

"When do you ever sugarcoat anything?"

Kaz glared. "Are you going to listen or not?"

"Sorry."

"I'm not going to sugarcoat this because I can't promise you that it will be okay. Because I know it won't. It'll haunt you for years to come as these things always do. But..." Kaz hesitated for a minute, his hands clenching and unclenching. "I will be there the whole way. As will Jesper. As will Inej and Wylan. And, if they ever stop kissing for two minutes, as will Nina and the blonde Fjerdan."

"His name is Matthias, Kaz," Y/N said, rolling her eyes. But a small smile was on her face. She nodded, the smile fading. "Thank you."

"Welcome."

"So, why are we here - again?"

Y/N looked over her shoulder as Jesper flounced over wearing a slightly too-small shirt and what looked to be Wylan's jacket.

"What do you mean why are we here again?" Y/N asked, reluctantly shuffling over to allow Jesper to sit next to her.

Jesper shrugged, resting his arm on the top of the booth and behind Y/N, his hand dangling onto her shoulder. "You two. In your sulking booth."

"We're not sulking," Y/N said, turning her head to look at him. "We are brooding - there is a difference."

"Ah, yes. The art of brooding. Matthias is a particular expert in that field."

Y/N snorted and clamped her lips together, eyes wide as she realised the sound she'd made. Before promptly falling into a fit of laughter, leaning into Jesper, her eyes screwed shut from the force of it. Jesper just patted her on the shoulder, his own smile appearing.

Kaz ducked his head, looking back at his paper, as he tried to hide his smile. Because, yes, the trauma would always be there and Y/N would have awful, horrible days. But he also knew that no matter what, there would always be someone there to make her smile.

He just hoped that one day, he would overcome his own trauma enough for it to be him.

[rubysunnday]

rooftops

A/N: The finale to my part in Olive's (@lxncelot) , writing challenge! This is fic 3 out of 3 (congrats if you made it this far, well done!) Again, prompts are all from Olive's dialogue and song prompt list) : 3) “I’ll miss this — us.” | 17) “Are we friends?”`| 26) “I could be in love with someone like you.” | rooftop kiss — james horner

Fic 1 | Fic 2 | Fic 3

The wind was howling outside the whaling hut. It was so harsh the windows and doors were rattling in their frames, fighting to stay put. But the two occupants inside didn't notice. They were both too cold and uncomfortable and pointedly ignoring the other to do much more than sit by the fire, bundled in furs, wearing someone else's clothes underneath.

Of course, they were both as far apart from each other as physically possible whilst also staying within the warmth of the fire. Matthias was silent. Y/N was silent. Neither said a word.

Matthias leant forward and poked the fire with the poker, nudging the logs around. They sparked and crackled as fresh wood was added, feeding the fire. Matthias glanced over at Y/N, barely visible under the furs. "You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"That does not matter," Matthias said, leaning back. "Because you're so cold it means you don't feel hunger. Your body needs to eat."

"I'm fine. I just want to sleep," Y/N muttered, tightening the furs around her, trying to block him out.

Matthias looked back at the pot that was simmering over the fire. "If you sleep, you'll likely not wake up again."

"Oh, good, that saves you from having to kill me," Y/N said, refusing to look at him.

"If I was going to kill you, I would have done it by now," Matthias replied, rolling his eyes as he spooned the soup into two bowls. "Now, eat," he said, holding the bowl out to her.

Y/N reluctantly reached out a hand from underneath the furs and took the bowl, putting it on the floor in front of her. "And if I don't want to eat?"

"Then you'll succumb to hypothermia and pass out," Matthias said, shrugging. "All Drüskelle learn that mistake in their first few months. Most recover. Some don't. Brum always says that a Drüskelle-"

"If I eat the damn soup, will you shut up?" Y/N snapped, turning to glare at him.

Matthias nodded. He watched Y/N intently as she picked up the bowl and took a small sip of the soup, letting it digest before taking another sip.

"It's good soup," she reluctantly admitted, dipping her spoon back in. "If you've poisoned it, I won't mind dying this way."

"For Saint's sake," Matthias muttered, swearing in Fjerdan under his breath. "I haven't poisoned it! I am eating it too."

Y/N raised her eyebrows but returned to her soup.

Silence fell in the whaling hut again.

"You can have the bed."

Y/N looked over at Matthias as she finished her soup. "Don't be ridiculous, there's room for two of us." Matthias was silent so Y/N looked at him again. "Oh, don't tell me little Matthias is scared of sleeping next to a woman."

"I am not..." He paused, forcing himself to calm down. "I am not scared."

"Good, then we will before sleep in the bed," Y/N said, standing up, setting her half-eaten soup aside.

Matthias reluctantly stood up too. He watched as Y/N clambered onto the bed, wrapping herself up in the furs and getting comfortable.

"Oh for Saint's sake, stop being such a prune and come here," she snapped. "You're the one going on about hypothermia and yet you're over there, freezing."

"I'm fine."

"Oh, look how the tables have turned," she muttered.

Matthias climbed into the other side of the bed and lay down on the very edge - as far away as possible from Y/N.

"Drüskelle," she said, turning her head to look at him. "Do you want to freeze to death? No? Then move closer."

He shuffled closer.

"Closer."

Mattthias shuffled even closer. Y/N could feel his cold skin against her back and shivered slightly.

"There, now neither of us will die in the night and we can go back to hating each other in the morning, happy?"

Matthias grunted, burying himself under the furs. Y/N turned onto her side and pulled the furs up over her shoulder, tucking them around her. She closed her eyes and wriggled down a bit, getting comfortable.

The wind kept on howling.

Matthias awoke suddenly as something jolted him. He sat up, expecting to see Y/N standing over him with a knife, about to cut out his heart. But the room was empty. It took him a moment to realise that someone was crying and that the someone was lying next to him.

He looked down at her and could see the tears falling down her face, the terror clearly written on her face as she relived something. Matthias wasn't sure why, but he felt his heart ache for the girl. He wasn't immune to nightmares - no one was.

Part of him wanted to leave her. A Grisha deserved to live through the terrors they had seen as punishment. But he couldn't believe that this girl - barely younger than him - could be so heartless and brutal. at such a young age, what could she have possibly experienced and seen that would have traumatised her in such a way.

Matthias reached out a hand and put it on her shoulder, shaking her gently. "Roëd," he said, for he didn't know her true name. Neither one had decided to share that information.

Y/N let out a panicked yelled and sat up, almost falling out of the bed. She pushed Matthias' hand away, flinging back all of the furs until she was just in the shirt and pants she'd found in the corner of the hut. Y/N pushed herself up from the bed and bolted from the room and out into the cold, cold night.

Matthias quickly got up and followed after her, not wanting her to get lost in the Fjerdan landscape or end up being attacked because, despite the death threats and the mutual hated, he did care for her. She'd saved him from the shipwreck and, somehow, they were still going.

Y/N fell to her knees in the snow - in the dark - and plunged her hands into the cold, wet snow, needing it to ground her and wake her up from her nightmare. Matthias stood in the doorway, watching warily in the background.

"Sorry," Y/N said quietly, her voice almost being lost in the wind. She sniffled and ducked her head, hiding her face. "I'm sorry."

Matthias approached cautiously. He hovered behind her for a moment before kneeling down behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Don't be sorry for something you can't control."

Y/N chuckled, a shiver wracking through her body. "You surprised that Grisha have nightmares too?" She asked, turning to look at him. "That we're human?"

Matthias was silent. Y/N scoffed quietly, knowing she was right.

Their silent argument ended abruptly when a wolf let out a loud howl, only a few feet away. Both Y/N and Matthias looked up, struggling to see the animal through the dark and blinding snow.

The wolf stalked forward, baring its teeth at Y/N. She didn't move.

"Don't attack it," Matthias said quietly, slowly rising to his feet.

"No offence, Drüskelle, but I'm not going to let a wolf attack me because it's a sacred animal to you," Y/N hissed.

"Just wait," Matthias insisted. "Let him move first. If he attacks first then we know."

"And if he just stands there?"

"Then we wait."

The wolf snarled, taking another step forward. It howled. And then turned around and walked off.

"Get up, slowly," Matthias said, holding a hand out to Y/N.

Y/N reached behind her and took his hand, letting him pull her into his side. Matthias wrapped an arm around her shoulders, trying to warm Y/N up, as they watched the wolf walk off into the night.

"I've never seen a wolf just leave before," Y/N said quietly, shivering under Matthias' arm.

"They're mainly peaceful if not provoked," Matthias replied.

"As are Grisha."

Matthias looked down at her, his eyes finding hers. He looked at her for a moment in silence. Y/N looked up at him. She met his gaze for only a few seconds before she swayed against him, her knees giving out and plunging her back into the snow.

Matthias fell to the snow with her, pulling her into his side and putting an arm under her legs, another around her back, and lifting her up out of the snow. He carried her back inside, sitting her in front of the fire.

He grabbed the furs off the bed and piled them onto her, wrapping them around her shivering form. Y/N didn't protest, her eyes closing involuntarily as she tried to stay focused on the fire.

"Now who's dying of hypothermia," she muttered, her teeth chattering as she gave Matthias a half-hearted smile.

Matthias sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, rubbing her shoulder as he tried to warm her up.

"For a man who hunts Grisha for a living, you are very determined to keep me alive," Y/N said quietly.

Matthias sighed to himself. "It was Grisha who killed my entire family. They set the village on fire and let it burn. My mother, sister and father all died. Because of Grisha."

Y/N was silent. Eventually, she spoke, her eyes focused on the fire. "Not all Grisha are good, Druskelle. Not all Grisha are bad. Like people. The Grisha who murdered your family are the minority. We are not all like that. And we are certainly not witches. We create from elements that already exist in the world."

"Such as?"

Y/N pulled her arm out from under the furs. She looked up at Matthias. "Are we friends?"

Matthias nodded. "We are."

Y/N nodded. She held her hand palm up and then made a scooping motion, her eyes closed. She felt Matthias stiffen as fire appeared in her hand, orange flames dancing around her fingers.

"It's not magic. I simply summon all the combustible gases in the world, for there are thousands, and fire appears." Y/N waved her hand and the fire vanished. She pulled her hand back inside the furs. "That's all it is. Small Science, as we call it. No magic."

Matthias nodded. He didn't seem to be able to speak. He eventually decided on what he wanted to say. "What was your nightmare about? Only if you want to tell me."

Y/N shifted closer to Matthias. "I'm sure you've heard of General Kirigan - or the Darkling."

"I think it'd be impossible to find someone in all of Ravka, Fjerda and beyond who hasn't heard of it."

"It?"

"It was not a man, nor a human. It is simply it."

Y/N smiled to herself. It slowly faded as she returned to her mind. "I was a Grisha under his orders when Sankt Alina first appeared. I was fresh out of school - a young Grisha desperate to prove herself. And he used me like he used hundreds of others. I was trapped under his control until King Nikolai broke us out.

"But the Darkling had done enough by then. Being used by him - controlled by him is something I do not wish to repeat. Sometimes in the night, I think I see him. I know he is long dead and burnt but... I hear his voice in the wind, I see his shadows in the darkness and all I can think about is what he did to me."

Matthias was silent. He knew about the Darkling. Everyone did. But very few knew about what it did to the young Grisha under its command.

"My name is Y/N Y/L/N, by the way," Y/N said quietly. "I feel like since I'm pouring my heart out to you, we should know each other's names."

Matthias smiled. "I'm Matthias Helvar."

Y/N nodded. She dropped her head onto Matthias' shoulder. "Nice to meet you, Matthias."

Matthias sat there, an arm around her shoulders, watching the flames dance away until morning came.

It took them five days to find civilisation. The snowstorm passed after three days and it took them two days of walking - and almost falling off a cliff - to reach safety.

The inn wasn't much - it was full of Fjerdan sailors on their way out or back from long trips out at sea. But it was warm and it was safe - for now.

"I don't know how I feel about stealing," Matthias said as Y/N unlocked the door to their room.

"I didn't steal, I borrowed," Y/N corrected, walking inside.

"Are you going to give it back?"

"Indirectly, yes."

Matthias laughed. Y/N stared at him.

"Saints, Matthias, I didn't know you could laugh!" She exclaimed.

Matthias chuckled as he took his coat off and sat down on the bed, stretching his legs out.

"It appears we have learnt a lot about each other this past week," he said softly, smiling at her.

Y/N approached him and sat down on his right, dropping her head to his shoulder. "You know, I have no idea what Roëd means."

"What?"

"The other night, when I was having a nightmare, you called me Roëd..."

Matthias' smile grew. "It means red in Fjerdan."

"Red? Why red?"

"Well, when we first met -"

"When you kidnapped me, you mean."

Matthias rolled his eyes. "You were wearing a red skirt, like the one you're wearing now. Since I didn't know your name... I thought Roëd was subtle."

Y/N nodded, a smile working its way onto her face. "I like it."

Matthias put his arm around Y/N's shoulders - an action he'd found himself doing numerous times over the past week. He ran his thumb up and down her arm, gently following an imaginary line.

"What will you do now?" Matthias asked quietly.

The question had been praying on his mind for days now. What happens next. He could easily go back to Brum, resume his training, tell his tale. Y/N could easily return to wherever she came from - carry on leaving her life. Nothing would change.

Except something had changed. The world had shifted. Just a bit, but enough to know that there was no going back to the before.

"Find a ship back to Ketterdam," Y/N said softly. Her left hand was entwined with his, her fingers playing with his. "Tell my boss what happened and hope he gives me my job back. What about you?"

"I don't know."

"Have I changed you that much, Druskelle?" Y/N asked, tilting her head up to look at him.

Matthias looked down at her. "Perhaps. What is... Ketterdam like?"

"First of all, excellent pronunciation," Y/N said, looking back down again. "Second of all, it's shit."

"Then why would you want to go back?"

"Because it was the only place to welcome me after I left Ravka. I fitted in seamlessly there. No questions were asked about me or my powers. I got a job and they treat me well. It works for me."

"I cannot imagine what it must be like to be... persecuted everywhere you go."

"Saints, I have changed you!" Y/N said, looking back at him. She smiled. "It's hard. Trusting people is harder. I haven't used my power in years as a result but... I prefer it that way, oddly. I was used and wanted for my power in Ravka. In Ketterdam I am just me. I'm just Y/N."

Matthias stared at the wall for a moment. "I'd like to go somewhere like that. Where it is simply just... you and I. Simply Y/N and Matthias."

"No prejudice."

"No hatred."

"Just us."

Matthias looked back at her and leaned down, capturing Y/N's lips in a kiss before she had a chance to move. He leant back and pressed his forehead to hers.

"I'll miss this," Matthias said quietly, knowing deep down, that it would inevitably end as all good things did. "Us."

Y/N closed her eyes, pressing her lips together. "You know, Matthias, I could be in love with someone like you."

"I know. As could I."

And that was the truth. She could love him and he could love her. Despite the ways they'd been raised. Despite what they'd lived through and experienced at the hands of their people, both of them, Grisha and Druskelle, could and did love each other.

It was the truth and the pain of it. Knowing that their love was never meant to be.

And that it was never destined to last.

[rubysunnday]

to climb

A/N: Hello and welcome back to what I like to call: 'Lottie is indecisive" If you have just joined us, hi, hello, I'm taking part in lovely Olive's (@lxncelot) writing challenge! This is fic 2 of three (again, I am indecisive) and all three are based off the prompts from Olive's dialogue and song prompt list!

Prompts: 1) "I'll be careful." | 15) “You so owe me one, after tonight.” | 18,“Your laugh is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.” | 21 “You’re going to hate this, but I have to let go.” | hills to climb — tim myers

Fic 1 | Fic 2 | Fic 3

"You've essentially given him spending money, Kaz."

"Hey, money is money, Y/N dear," Jesper said, putting an arm around her shoulders.

Y/N rolled her eyes. She looked back at Kaz. "So, you're giving us the night off to go to the festival?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you and Jesper have been annoying me all week about going," Kaz said, barely glancing up at her. "Now, run along, go play."

Jesper snatched up Y/N's hand and dragged her out of Kaz's office, ignoring her mutters of protest.

"Don't question a night off, Y/M, darling," Jesper said as he pulled her in front of him, forcing her down a step so that she was shorter than him. He put his hands on either side of her face, smushing it up. "Now, let's go party."

Y/N allowed herself to be dragged down the stairs and into the street by Jesper, her hand in his. The festival had already reached the Barrel and people dressed as Mister Crimson and the Lost Bride as well as many more Ketterdam myths streamed through the streets, waving banners and ribbons around.

"We should dress up."

"No, we shouldn't," Y/N said, finally gaining her hand back from Jesper as he wandered over to a stall selling costumes.

Jesper turned around to face her, holding up a Mister Crimson cloak to his chest. "Oh, come on, we never get to do anything fun!"

Y/N approached the stall and ran a hand over the fold silks. Jesper leant into her, resting his chin on her shoulder. She turned her head to look at him and as he gave her a smile, she booped him on the nose.

"Fine, I'll dress up," she said, relenting at his puppy eyes.

"Excellent, here," Jesper threw a costume at her, hitting her in the face, "put that one on."

Y/N held the costume up, looking at it. "Why this one?"

"Blue is your colour," Jesper said, without missing a beat. He turned back to face her, putting a veil and then the flower crown of the Lost Bride on her head. "Tada."

Y/N glared at him through the sheer material as he gave her a smirking smile. He patted her cheek through the fabric and dramatically swung the Mister Crimson cape around his shoulders.

"You look even more ridiculous than usual," Y/N drawled.

"It's called style, dear," Jesper said, flinging his cloak over one shoulder only for it to fall back off his shoulder.

Y/N rolled her eyes at him. She looked around and spotted a changing room behind the stall - it was technically just a pile of crates on top of one another to create a barrier, but it worked. As Jesper was busy flirting with himself in the mirror, Y/N ducked behind the crates and changed into the Lost Bride costume.

It was nothing more than a white and grey dress with a blue silk cape - but the veil and flower crown of blues roses completed the design. Out of all the costumes of the Komedie Brute, the Lost Bride was probably the most pretty to look at.

"I can barely see where I'm going," Y/N called as she stepped out from behind the crates. "This veil is not conducive to decent vision."

"Saints, Y/N," Jesper whispered, his eyes on her and her alone.

Y/N turned to face him. "I look ridiculous, don't I?"

"No, no, no, you look beautiful," Jesper said quickly, approaching her. He lifted the veil off her face, laying it down over her head. "It suits you."

Y/N shoved him. "Stop, it," she said, walking away and down the street.

"I'm telling the truth!" Jesper exclaimed, chasing after her. "When do I ever lie to you?"

Y/N looked at him over her shoulder, eyebrows raised as she gave him a look.

"Ok, when do I ever lie to you about how you look?" Jesper corrected. "You always look lovely."

"And you could flirt with dirt," Y/N replied, pausing at a stall and looking at the freshly cooked food. She handed over some kruge to the owner and picked up a plate, picking at it as she resumed walking.

"I could but I don't," Jesper said, catching up to her. "I think saying I flirt with everything is a bit of an exaggeration."

"You flirted with Kaz last night."

"And? It worked, I got what I wanted."

Y/N stopped and turned to look at him. "Which was what, exactly?"

"To have tonight off with you," Jesper replied, smirking. "I have plans to woo you."

"Oh, for -" Y/N shook her head and kept walking, making a beeline to the harbour wall.

"Is my wooing working?"

"No!" Y/N exclaimed.

Jesper sighed. He waited for Y/N to sit before joining her, swinging his legs over the side of the wall, letting them dangle. Y/N kept eating her food, savouring each bite as they looked out over the water.

"My father still thinks I'm at University," Jesper said suddenly, his eyes focused on his hands.

Y/N turned her head to look at him, chewing slowly. "He doesn't know about any of this?"

Jesper shook his head. "I haven't had the heart to tell him differently. We both knew that I wasn't destined for farming life. And as a thank you... I used up all of the money he gave me."

"Jesper, the fact that you have a gambling addiction isn't your fault," Y/N said softly. "We all have demons that have made themselves at home in our deepest wounds. Maybe... telling him would help you conquer it and get better."

"Maybe." Jesper clapped his hands. "What about you? Do you miss your parents?"

"Sometimes. I get homesick for the life I had but... I guess there's a strength in letting go. In moving on. I tend to romanticise my life before Ketterdam - choosing to remember only the good bits and forget the bad."

Jesper nodded. "My Pa writes to me every month. I've had to get Kaz to start intercepting the mail to avoid him finding out."

"I want to be there the day your father realises that his son is a sharpshooting criminal in love with another criminal."

Jesper shoved Y/N and she burst out laughing as she nearly fell off the wall.

"Saints," Jesper said softly, watching her as she brushed her hair back, a smile of laughter on her face. "Your laugh is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard."

Y/N ducked her head, smiling even more. "Ok, now I know you're flirting with me."

"Flirting is just complimenting."

"And complimenting is just lying."

"I'm not lying," Jesper said firmly, taking Y/N's hand in his. "I think your laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard. It beats the sound of my revolvers, of money clattering on to tables, of the gambling halls - all of it."

Y/N looked at Jesper, meeting his eyes. He leant in closer to her, resting his forehead against hers. She relaxed into him, closing her eyes. For a moment, it was just the two of them.

"Jesper."

"Yes, darling?"

"You're going to hate this, but I have to let go."

Jesper opened his eyes, frowning. "Why?"

"Because I'm about to fall of this wall," Y/N muttered, taking her hand back and pushing herself back onto the sea wall. "I don't particularly want to go swimming."

Jesper burst out laughing, leaning back as he did so. Y/N smiled at him, her eyes scrunching up as she did so. She looked over her shoulder as she heard a band start up near the Exchange and her eyes widened.

"Come on!" Y/N yelled, jumping over the wall in a flurry of blue and white, snatching Jesper's hand as she did so.

"Where are we going?" Jesper asked, chasing after Y/N as she took off running, her veil flying behind her.

Y/N weaved through the crowd and into the Exchange, standing on the edge of the crowd that had gathered.

A band sat just to the side of the small platform set in the middle of the Exchange - typically for announcements or the bigger stalls - playing a lively folk tune. The crowd - which was mainly tourists and a few Ketterdam natives - were watching and clapping along.

But Y/n wanted to dance.

As Jesper caught up to her, she dropped her veil, leaving the flower crown on her head. She looked up at him with hope in her eyes.

"I ain't dancing," Jesper said, shaking his head.

"Fine, I'll do it myself," Y/N said, not taking no for an answer. "I'll be careful," she added, winking at him.

Jesper tried to grab her as she ducked into the space and began dancing around the mosaic of a compass set into the floor of the Exchange, not a single care in the world.

Jesper just watched. And as he watched, the children who'd also been watching joined Y/N in the middle, giggling as they all danced around each other. Y/n was in the middle, spinning around in a chaotic swirl of blue, grey and white.

He didn't even see Y/N approach him and drag him into the circle until they were dancing together, spinning around the Exchange without giving a shit. Jesper spun Y/N around, holding her hand as she twirled around.

It wasn't often that they got to act like the children they actually were. Ketterdam didn't allow them. But for just three minutes, Jesper and Y/N were allowed to act their age and enjoy it.

Y/N burst out laughing as she landed in Jesper's arms, the song ending with a bang of drums. She dropped her head onto his chest, her shoulders shaking as she laughed.

"You so owe me one, after tonight," Jesper said, chuckling as he and Y/N faded back into the crowd, their moment over. "Never again, that was exhausting."

Y/N linked her arm through Jesper's as they walked through the streets. "I'm glad I met you, Fahey."

Jesper leant over and pressed a kiss to her head. "I'm glad I met you too, Y/L/N. Life would be so boring without you."

[retvenkos]

Olive- I’d LOVE to participate in your writing challenge, but idk when I’ll have time with work + school. I know you said there’s no deadline, but can I just keep the post in mind for when I DO start to write again (I’m hoping it’s when I have my spares)

of course! the writing challenge currently has no end date, and i probably won't close it until i do another one, but that won't be for a while, lol.