#on second guessing and reworking stuff over and over

[ruushes]

companions re-classed pt 2 - wyll 🗡️💘🐉

with thanks to @thedragonagelesbian and everyone who suggested drakewarden, i think the change made it a much better piece! 💛

karlach

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

not sure if I personally agree with Aristotle about friendship tbh

[rainbowvally]

♡Little Chat About Broppy♡

☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆

☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆ To start things off: They are literally so cute my gosh. I love couples where two opposites come together so much they're literally just the best. I absolutely love seeing their dynamic evolving or just in general on screen whether it's the movies, specials or the shows from the bits I've watched so far. They're just so adorable. 😭

With that said, I do want to just chat about them a bit. This isn't really gonna be an essay thing where I go into a dive on their dynamic and stuff, more so just my stance on a specific thing with the couple and where people want them to be. It's just another one of those things I want to get out somewhere, so you do not have to agree or anything~

To start it off: I do not understand why some people were I guess actually mad that they didn't get married/engaged in band together? Just over 15 minutes in the movie tells us out right that they've only been together for a month so, I just feel like that'd be crazy? Even if this is a dream works movie. Like I know Shrek and Fiona for example, get married in the first film. But then there's HtTyD too, which doesn't really rush things like that so? (As in it didn't for the duration it had. It also very much did huge time jumps)

Anyways: On one hand I understand them becoming friends over the first movie, it kind of just worked. Poppy had obviously been pushing for it for some time now, and Branch was more so putting up a barrier than out right not wanting it. Then they had that whole trip together of course, even if it was only a few days, with the added background there that we didn't see, the growth works. Him immediately being happy and seemingly just over his issues by the end maybe doesn't, and they reworked that a bit so we won't go into my opinion on all of that. Plus, from what I know, even if they aren't technically canon, the first 2D show kind of goes over him getting back into things more, which I absolutley love, I would have taken a whole movie about that but that's besides the point. This is about them together, not Branch. ☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆

☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆ Them then getting together romantically by the end of the second movie also fits in a way? We don't really know how much time has passed I think, but Branch already had a crush on her from what I remember so. It just makes sense to a point. Maybe I would have liked to see more on Poppy's side BUT it is what it is, and I'm not against what happened. It's cute, and then we got HiH so likeee I can't be mad. ☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆

☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆

Moving from that point, I can't personally rationalize them getting engaged this fast though. I feel like they still have so much to figure out and go through where they are as a couple I guess? They are by no means perfect, there should still be hurtles for them both; there's like clearly still trama to work through on one end and that shouldn't be settled in one go but I guess I do also understand that I'm talking about Trolls here.

Also, I think this is the first time they've both been in a relationship right? That alone makes it feel like something that definitely needs more time from a character development point of view too? Show me more of them figuring this stuff out together. Really dive into them as a pair who still isn't perfect for longer.

The way Poppy went about stuff in the 3rd film alone did show that they are still figuring it out I guess; I want to see more of that from both ends going forward. Cause she was like highly dismissive for most of the movie to be honest? Branch wasn't really being super open about it all on an emotional level too, but he does make it clear that he hasn't seen them for 20 years early on. I feel like that + his general reactions are a big indication that his relationship with all of them is rocky, and that it was important to acknowledge his feelings and not just dismiss them. I mean she also generally knows what happened to him following that too so. It'd be hard not to think them doing that also effected him and it's odd that she never really seems to consider that with how hyper she is about wanting siblings, and with her views on what siblings should do/be. Yes they did have to go or Floyd literally would have died, but I think there was a better way to go about it, and that one part alone already tells me they aren't ready to move past this stage. In the end he does technically make the choice to do it himself at least but yeah. ☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆

☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡• She then keeps doing this through the movie. It's almost crazy to think about the fact that it seemed like he was almost going to apologize during the moment on the pool floaties for expressing frustration. Then a bit later she convinces him to sing with them when he doesn't want to at first. She wasn't willing to understand why he felt the way he did and kept pushing the fact that he should be happy without taking time to understand why he wasn't. So in a way, I do feel like she still struggles with listening honestly?? She was so caught up in her views on siblings, how much she wished she had one and even just how cool it was to meet his brothers that she doesn't hear him until the breaking point you know? Yes the scene that follows after he walks out was wonderful, and she was supportive and knew what he needed to hear. I wouldn't say that was enough with in the context of that whole film to make me feel like they were ready to go further though. It wouldn't feel earned to me if they're dating for that one movie then suddenly they're getting married in the next in general I guess. ☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆

☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆ That's enough of that though. I could probably talk about the 3rd movie for hours if I sat down and thought through it scene by scene, but you've heard enough from me with the Viva post as is. (Love you but you have so many little issues Band Together-)

I will say, It's not like I never want it to happen, though I can admit I'd prefer it as a "This is it, the end" sort of thing. (And I personally am for Poppy being the one to ask-) We already got a wedding sequence too, and I don't think we know how long it's been since trolls 1 so they've likely been together longer? But also it makes sense for those two in my head anyhow even if it hasn't been that long? While it just doesn't for these two.

At the end of the day maybe it's me not wanting them to take that huge step cause I have weird issues with change, or I just really can't imagine them married right now, or maybe it just doesn't really hit for me on a story telling level? I just know that I really really want to see more of them together in their current stage. In no rush in the slightest, I want to enjoy them going on more journeys where they are.

I need to see more of them figuring stuff out together, cause it's clear they have work to do, and identifying stuff with in their current relation ship that needs attention. I just need more time with them as a couple that's not ready for anything like that yet. (Maybe I also just weirdly prefer dating dynamics???) I do know for sure that I do not want to see much beyond that point though. Like I personally think the fankids I see are cute but it's not something I need to see happen in canon. Branch and Poppy are just not a couple that I want/need to see followed through to the end in a way? Not to that extent at least. I will be devastated regardless when they conclude things for good, but not going past a wedding wouldn't really bother me. It feels like a good place to end their story, if it has to end. ☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆

☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆ I guess I maybe also like stuff that's just stuck in limbo in a way. I'm more focus on the characters and their dynamics with in each given story, as well as over all, but not in a way where I have to see time fly? For whatever reason I guess it just pains me more than it brings me joy to see growth/change/steps in a relationship happen super fast. I like when it's slow and we get alot of small moments; I don't need the big leaps as much personally. I want these characters to be able to live in their current situation and breath for a while. I'm more invested in the dynamic walking then I am seeing it run? Maybe part of it is also that there's just way to many other things that need attention that also adds to it all for me as well really. They both need to still have time as characters on their own. They both still definitely have problems, and so do other characters that we barely scratched the surface on. (Maybe it's also just me not really seeing marriage as a necessity for a love story in general? They could never get married and their love would still mean a lot, and be just as wonderful/meaningful.)

I don't know. The idea of them canonically getting married just feels like a story closer to me, and not really suitable to their dynamic but I can't fully articulate it all without this long drawn out wall of text, talking in circles kind of thing happening. I just know it's not something I want to see for a long time, if ever, which is just a personal stance obviously. I still love them either way~ ♡ I thought I had a concise train of thought when I started this but I guess I kind of don't ahh I really do adore these two though, genuinely. Please do not take this as me hating on them, it truly isn't. If anything they apparently mean so much to me that I feel like, entire mood shifts when thinking through this all. 💀

Agree or disagree, thank you to anyone who actually read literally any of this~ ☆ I quite literally have no one to rant to about any of this stuff to be real so I might do this on occassion. Just know it's always out of love for these films though, regardless of whether I'm talking about something I liked or didn't like. ☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆•♡•☆

[27dragons]

New Year Countdown: Dec 24

And we're back to Winteriron for a Rockstar AU!

Dec 24 - Winteriron - Rockstar AU - Eggnog

“The thing is,” Tony said, “it feels stupid to complain. Like I don’t appreciate all the amazing things in my life.”

“And yet, you’re going to complain anyway,” Natasha said, but she looked vaguely amused, so that was probably all right. It had taken Tony a while to understand that his lead guitarist and second vocalist hid her affection behind sarcasm, and her concern behind fierceness. He knew how to read her now, though.

“I’m going to complain anyway,” he agreed. “Not that I expect you to agree. Your snugglebunny is traveling with us.”

“Sam is part of the band, so it would be difficult to have a tour without him,” she agreed solemnly.

“Why did I agree to a tour over Christmas?” Tony wondered.

“Because it’s the time of year when everyone is digging a little deeper into their pockets?” Natasha guessed. She reached over the table to snare his glass. She rolled the liquor around, watching the way it clung to the glass, and then helped herself to a swallow. “You could’ve dated someone in the band, too, you know. Steve is right there.”

Tony made a face. “Dating in the band leads to band drama,” he said morosely. “And trust me, if I dated Steve, there would be nothing but drama.”

“That’s true,” Natasha conceded. “The world’s finest songwriting duo, but as soon as he steps away from the keyboard, you’re at each other’s throats.” She grinned. “It would be fantastic publicity.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “But here I am, on Christmas Eve, drinking alone in an empty hotel bar.”

“What am I, the Ghost of Christmas Past?”

Tony waved a hand dismissively. “You’re just waiting for Sam to get back from the roadies’ Christmas party and then you’ll go back to your room and have wild monkey sex while wearing nothing but a mistletoe headband and a pair of socks with jingle bells sews into them.”

“That is a disturbingly specific mental image,” Natasha said, stealing another sip of his whiskey. “You’re not usually this down after a show. Did something go wrong?”

The show itself had been great. The hall had been sold out, the fans had been beside themselves with excitement, and they’d rounded out the set lit and encores with some holiday tunes that they’d reworked into the Avengers’ signature style, which had been a huge hit. Tony would normally have still been riding the high, but— “Bucky didn’t text me before the show.”

“That’s odd,” Natasha admitted. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he sent one a bit later. I got it while we were breaking down.”

“So?”

“So it’s Christmas Eve and I’m stuck in a hotel twelve hundred miles from my boyfriend and I don’t even have any of his eggnog to keep me warm.”

“Bucky does make the best eggnog,” Natasha said. “I can never go back to the crappy stuff out of a carton.” She made a show of looking at her wrist, which didn’t have a watch on it. “And it’s Christmas Day, by now.”

“Thanks, that makes it all better,” Tony snarked. 

Natasha glanced past Tony, toward the bar door. “Sam’s back,” she said, standing up. “Time to go have wild monkey sex.”

“Don’t forget the socks,” Tony said, rallying enough to give her a quick smile. “Thanks for letting me complain.”

“You owe me,” Natasha said, giving him the small, secretive smile that was ten times more genuine than the wide, cheerful one she reserved for the stage and the fans.

“What else is new? Go on, have fun. I don’t want to see or hear either of you until we’re loading the bus on the 26th. Enjoy your day off.”

“I intend to. You too.”

Tony snorted and took a slow sip of his whiskey so he wouldn’t be tempted to turn around and watch her walk away.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” said Bucky, and Tony turned around so fast he got dizzy and nearly knocked over his chair.

“Bucky?” Tony’s boyfriend was standing there, a thickly-stuffed backpack over one shoulder. “What the— How the hell did you get here?”

“Airplane,” Bucky said with a grin, and offered Tony a thermos. “Couldn’t stand the thought of you having to drink crappy carton eggnog on Christmas.”

Tony took the thermos and immediately set it aside, then flung himself into Bucky’s arms, laughing. “Oh, god, I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I was supposed to be in time for the show,” Bucky said, “but the flight got delayed.” He buried his face against Tony’s neck, squeezing tight. His nose was cold, and Tony didn’t care at all. “Missed you, doll.”

“I missed you, too,” Tony sighed. “Merry Christmas.”

[crystalkitty1220]

What’s Curse!IBVS? :0

Guess this is gonna be my monthly check-in

Curse!IBVS is an IBVS horror AU heavily inspired by Razmerry's Warriors AU "The Cursed Three". I thought the concept of "What if the main characters' powers were actually harmful?" was really cool and wanted to see if I could twist the IBVS characters' powers in a similar way. I think I've deleted most of my old posts about it because I quite simply just didn't like it, and I've slowly been reworking it ever since.

Trigger warning for general spooky stuff, non-graphic body horror, major character death, child death, unintentional hanging, unintentional self-injury and probably a bunch of other things.

The easiest powers to curse-ify were Nevin and Edward's. Admittedly, Nevin's curse was really just a mix of Lionblaze and Jayfeather's from Razmerry's AU (because Lion has super strength and Jay has empathy, and Nevin has both plus a secret third thing and also an aura). Since last time I've posted anything about it, I've shimmied the curse around a bit into something that feels more unique and fitting for him.

Most difficult was between Chris and Dez. I've still got nothing for Dez because I don't want to make it too similar to Nevin or Edward's "be super careful at all times" curses. Chris, on the other hand, doesn't even really have a power of his own?? In the first and second versions, Charlie was some demon with a grudge against the entire Jackson family or whatever, but I just don't really feel like that works. So I've kept him and Chris being a bit closer to their originals, but Charlie's ghost situation is worse, and Chris gets no benefits. As I implied in my last post, if I actually wrote some kind of fic or something, Chris would be the main character as to ease the reader into the curses.

I could keep typing, or I could just copy-paste all of my rewrite notes into this post. Keep in mind these were written in a google doc that I shared with @echosoftheflower, so I might have some stuff directed to them.

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Updated Curse!IBVS notes

Curses

•Isaac: Drawings will always be alive, even if he doesn’t take them off the page. Drawings removed from the page will always move in strange and unnatural ways, and look kinda fucked up. When they run out of time, the drawings die a gruesome death (unless they remain on a page, in which case they stay alive and watching until the art is destroyed). Just a minor god complex. Appearance does change to look more sketch-like over time, though I'm removing the part about his specific sketches getting tattooed onto his skin.

•Edward: With any sudden movement of his hands, strings will grab and strangle/destroy anything in front of them. They will actively seek out something to wrap around, and never miss their target. He never told his family because of guilt over what happened to Barry. [Added note: I'll elaborate later.] He wears gloves, but that only directs the strings back to his arms, where they dig in. He’s grown quite used to that pain by now. His bones are really strong, they basically just can’t break (except a half-hearted punch from Nevin would crack them quite easily). His skin's also pretty tough. [Note: I really only made his bones and such stronger so that his hands don't just get snapped by his own strings. That's not due to a lack of him trying.] His intuition is also strengthened, so it’s less like random hunches and more like just knowing things. He never learned about anyone else’s powers, and he doesn’t remember a certain time when he realized they had them, at some point he just knew. His intuition will probably never break the fourth wall, but no promises. (Debating: His intuition also tells him about things happening in other AUs, so he can never be sure which hunches are real and which aren’t.) [Note: Still considering that one.]

•Chris: honestly he might just be normal. charlie’s the supernatural one. No knife privileges, that's for sure.

•Charlie: things really can’t get much worse for him. Stronger? He can possess Chris for longer? I definitely want it to be impossible for him to be separated from Chris - maybe one or the other will die if such a ritual is attempted.

•Nevin: Super-strength so strong that touching anything with too much force will crush it. Empathy so strong that it’s nearly impossible to differentiate others’ emotions from his own. Aura so strong it’s.. actually not that bad compared to some multiversal entities I can name. He can prevent himself from destroying things by staying calm/positive and focusing (since his powers are tied to emotions), but the empathy combined with the aura makes it really hard to do that. [He needs to stay positive to control his strength, but he unintentionally causes fear in others, and then he's forced to feel that fear. Oof.] Goop shenanigans tbd.

•Drew: Colors take up most of his vision. Instead of his powers simply healing him, branches weave in and out of his skin, trying to patch up whatever’s wrong. Was hugged by Nevin once when they were kids. Got a bit of a Snow White situation going on at the moment, but more crushed and looking vaguely like the aftermath of hanahaki. The blossoms [apple blossoms] are more vibrant than the universe’s color palette generally allows, and change color depending on nearby [or his own] emotions (if there are any). Sometimes people will hike near where Drew is, and if Nevin’s nearby he will always scare them away. Nevin can still sense Drew's emotions, and Drew can even kinda tell what Nevin’s feeling when he’s nearby.

•Dez: [Very small image of "He hurls his thunderbolt!"] [Suggestions from Echos:] Forgetfulness? Seizures?

•Bullet point for Harley [I'm still anticipating the reveal of him having powers]

Aesthetic [Personal notes for when I'm drawing, or for Echos]

•Artstyle inspiration: Courage the Cowardly Dog, BatIM, Tim Burton, abitfrank, LavenderTowne, Paprikup, Litchi Kitti, and ofc Razmerry themself.

•All colors are dull, except for the ones in Isaac’s drawings (mostly monochrome, but the colors that are there are uncomfortably saturated) and the flowers from Drew.

•Constant cloudy day. The sun and moon aren’t visible, but there is a lighter patch in the sky around where they would be. No stars either. Sunsets and sunrises are sepia yellow, or sometimes a desaturated red. It seems like there are always fewer clouds on nights when Nevin visits Drew - stars are actually visible then, and so it the moon (fullness of moon should reflect Nevin's current state).

•Tree branches curl a lot and tend to have thorns. Knots are large and cause the tree’s shape to be curvier. Roots stick close to the surface. Most leaves are gone, despite it still being early fall.

•Bushes are similar to trees but with more thorns and fewer leaves.

•Animals will usually just be drawn as shadowy figures with unnaturally fast and sudden movements. When drawn with more detail, they’re spiky with pencil-thin necks, small eyes, no other facial features, needle-like teeth (if mouth is open), and bug-like limbs. They’re generally rare, as the impression should be given that there’s not much nature or life nearby.

•NPCs [background characters] are uncommon despite the school having the same number of students as in OG. When shown, they should be undetailed and unresponsive to the main characters, as if the school is populated by ghosts. In fact, there should be a lot more hushed, overlapping voices than visible NPCs, and none should be able to be traced back to any single person. NPC numbers should be increased when Nevin is the main focus, and they should be even more ghost-like, but louder. NPCs should be less ghost-like when Edward is the main focus.

•Water is dark and murky, but is water.

•The school has some murals around it, most of them courtesy of Isaac. The eyes in those paintings always seem to be watching you. A lot of the murals are of gray foxes attacking other schools’ mascots, in honor of wins Foxfield sports teams have had against those schools. I’m purposefully leaving how realistic/distorted/unsettling the paintings are up for interpretation because that depends on what you headcanon Isaac’s style to be.

Misc.

[Describing the appearances pretty vaguely on purpose because I prefer when designs are left up to interpretation. The only canon details about their designs are the ones listed here. Any other details I draw should be considered headcanon - yes, even for my own AU]

•Funnily enough, Isaac is more similar to my original plan for him than the previous version was.

•Isaac’s appearance: Same fashion sense as OG (light clothing, which I find surprising considering this man looks like he has no body heat), and for the most part unchanged if not for the half of him that looks like it was drawn.

•The style of the sketch half is up for interpretation, depending on what you headcanon Isaac’s art style to be. It might be cool if you could see the style change as it gets closer to the non-sketch side, showing the progression of his style over time. So his ear would just be like a circle and his nose would be his current style. I didn’t do that in my concept sketches tho.

•He's gradually painting a design on his jacket, but only has half of it done at the moment.

•[Echos and I tend to come up with nicknames like this, just in case. Habit from the UTMV.] His multiversal nickname could be Sepia or Vignette, but Vignette might be more fitting for Ghost of Foxfield. Bistre could also work.

•Isaac's room is very decorated. His blanket is embroidered to look like a pile of snakes, which he thinks are pretty silly, but will try to constrict around anything (that isn't him) that the blanket is wrapped around. His closet doors are painted like a cave opening, but the handles look like two little glowing eyes in the darkness, and the stalactites and stalagmites look like teeth. His carpet has a dead tree on it, which looks an awful lot like a hand. There are eyes painted on the bottom ridge of his bedframe.

•At some point, Edward started chilling in the lair with the previous king’s squad, completely uninvited. This confused everyone who was not high school royalty. [Edward just kinda knew that he was gonna be the next king, and the current king knew it, too. No exchange necessary.]

•Edward? Blaming himself for the death of one of his peers? In an AU by one of us? It’s more likely than you’d think.

•[This part wasn't on the doc since it hasn't changed much, but I'll put it here for you] Some of you might be wondering why Barry hasn't been mentioned yet. That's because when Edward first got his powers, when he was trying to save Barry from the cliff, the strings caught onto Barry's neck. Edward was missing for a while - his strings caught on everything, digging deep into trees, cutting through branches and bushes, tugging him around, damaging his own skin - and when he was found, he was in his family's own garage, wearing a pair of heavy-duty gloves that were much too big for him. Barry was found before Edward, but Ed remained silent about the death, or anything that had happened while he was missing. Growing up, he's regularly brought to speak to therapists (and sometimes police), but he still refuses to talk about it.

•Edward’s appearance: Outfit almost identical to OG, plus a pair of gloves. He usually keeps his hands relaxed in his letterman’s pockets. His hair is a lot messier, as he doesn’t spend much time on it.

•Was gifted a pair of gloves from Isaac. These gloves have bramble thorns embroidered on them.

•Chris and Nevin become friends very quickly, but a part of it was just because Nevin thought Chris might be able to talk to Drew. Zombie bush things are kinda similar to ghosts, right? Right?

•Man, I wonder whose aesthetic should be based on black-and-white movies? Does anyone quite fit that description? Maybe a certain oreo?

•I’m in love with the Murder By Bramble color palette. Definitely going with something like that. The pop of red is just *affectionate popcat noises* [For context, Murder By Bramble is a really cool Warrior Cats Multi-Animator Project which I have on my playlist for Curse inspiration.] [Also, any time I draw anything for Curse, the style will be changed a bit to fit the character it's centered around. For Chris, the colors would be almost full black-and-white. Normally (or when centered around Isaac, who has the default), however, they'd just be desaturated.]

•Drew-centered vibes are heavily inspired by the Brokenstar Absinth PMV. Psychedelic, bright contrasting colors with complex, cluttered patterns and very shaky lines. Hollyleaf Look Away PMV vibes, too, but more for Nevin. Litchi Kitti’s art is such a huge inspiration for me and I will not stop gushing about it, actually.

•Apple blossoms and thorns. That’s so much of his aesthetic.

•I’m vaguely imagining those flameless fireworks from MLP for the flowers, but in apple blossom form.

•How did Drew get to Foxfield? [Comment from Echos: trunk] Good question. I’m going to say after the mess Nevin made when he got his super strength, his grandmother showed up because his father and stepmother were afraid of him. She took Nevin back to where she was living and Drew was moved to a hospital near them because she thought he should be where Nevin could easily visit. Then the doctors started pointing out the fucking tree branches growing in this boy and making it nearly impossible to perform surgery, and cutting the branches seemed to be painful, so at some point, Grandma Jovel took him home. It was a little difficult to get him to Foxfield when they moved, but they managed to do it.

•Religious Nevin? In my Horror AU? It’s more likely than you’d think.

•Nevin was homeschooled up until middle or high school, to get better control of his powers before going into public spaces with a lot of emotions. Instead of having moved to Foxfield in 2017, another possibility is that he moved there after the incident and just wasn’t in public school until 2017. While that would clear up Drew’s half of the plot a little, I think Nevin’s experiences in previous schools are an integral part of his character, so keeping at least one year of that feels crucial.

•Nevin’s appearance: Hair is curly because trying to use a flat iron would probably be dangerous. His eyes are constantly cyan, but usually not glowing (too brightly). Wears a smart watch and a second ‘watch’ with a little keycard in it. He’ll sometimes put his hands in his pockets but he’s usually afraid of ripping his jacket.

•His vibes shall be weirdcore-y in the sense that some things are hyperrealisitc. Consider: making him much less defined (scribbly, lineless, etc.) at points, or adding some hyperrealistic pieces of stuff nearby (petals of a flower, etc.) into his hair or stuck on his clothes. [All to symbolize how much of him his environment makes up, and how little he can be sure of what's really his own feelings.]

•Nevin has a little pencil holder thing that attaches to his pointer finger so he can still write, he just has to be careful not to break the part that goes around his finger.

•The Jovel house is set up to make it as easy as possible to do everything while applying the least amount of force necessary. The front door has a card reader that reacts to Nevin’s watch. Voice-activated things are very handy, especially Siri or Alexa or whatever the Jovels have. The electricity bill is a bitch, but the constant repairs would have been worse. Anything that can’t be used electronically has some sort of contraption attached to it, mostly of Nevin’s own design.

•Nevin and Edward kinda mirror each other, having similar curses and backstories. But while Edward will slowly recover, I have absolutely no intention of letting Nevin do so.

•Dez [yeah i got nothing]

•Louis? [Comment from Echos: Puella Magi Madoka magic]

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Aaand that's all in my doc. I don't think I'm forgetting anything? You can ask more questions but I probably won't answer until next month.

Concept art below (mostly for writing; it helps me remember what to describe, or get into the vibe)

[a-goumang-ripoff]

A (Hopefully) Small Rant on the Fengs Fight

So I got a small amount of inspiration to rant a bit more on Nine Sols even though I am like. Dead fucking tired.

So, the Fengs, Nuwa and Fuxi, to be entirely honest I really just feel bad for their fight. I've been seeing quite a bit of people disliking their fight for a variety of reasonings and I kinda think it's because of the placement of the fight. Entirely shoving story stuff out of the way, I feel like the fight would fare quite a bit better in the first half of the game, or at least more towards the middle, if it was tuned down a bit. I think the fight is pretty cool and decently impressive, but it has to put up with, what I consider, to be the 3 best bosses in the game placed around it.

Lady Ethereal starts off the second half of the game with a fight which is, to me, the most visually impressive fight in the game just in the moveset alone. She is my personal favorite, but I know she tends to be in the second/third place range for most people. Ji is. Well, Ji. It's a cool fight to watch and so satisfying to get down, it really gets you into a sort of flow state with how much you can memorize is moveset and perfectly counter everything he has. And Eigong is so mechanically impressive and her moveset is so cool and so fitting of a final boss in a parry game. They easily blow every other boss out of the water together

From what I know, Lady Ethereal MUST be done before fighting Ji or the Fengs. Ji can be done either before or after, though I think with grotto of scriptures having a full room that you see in Goumang's area, the game kinda nudges you towards them over the Fengs. Then after them, you are hit with Eigong, which is an especially insane fight compared to any of the ones beforehand. And the Fengs kind of just awkwardly sit in-between. They have a LOT to live up to, having to keep up with the surrounding bosses, and they definitely fall behind. Fuxi is slow and predictable; not a bad thing, but without outside gimmicks, it makes him bland and boring on his own. With Nuwa in the fray, the fight definitely picks up and I do have a lot more fun with it, but it kind of lacks a lot of that visual impressiveness of Lady Ethereal, it lacks the same smoothness Ji has, and it's not like Fuxi gets any less predictable or simple even with Nuwa's tricks.

I think it is a good fight and I had quite a bit of fun with it, but with how slow and predictable of a moveset Fuxi has, I feel like they should show up before the bosses pick their pace up, maybe like right after Jiequan or right before, if you tuned back Nuwa's abilities of course. I think it would give them a better light shined on them that isn't overshadowed by everyone else. Alternatively, speeding up Fuxi or complexifying his moveset (and reworking Nuwa to work with Fuxi better, she more interrupts him to let off her own thing and it throws an odd pause into the fight. I guess you could say it makes sense for Nuwa's personality, but I feel like part of the point of her and Fuxi's presence is the fact that they pair so well) could greatly improve the fight at where it's at now.

I honestly think that their fight strongly outdoes a lot of those early fights, Goumang's fight definitely isn't for me, but I will still criticize it for its strong lack of synergy between the two servants, they do their own thing and it's hoped that the AI makes it synergize, but it's quite evident they're separate fighters and it made the fight often create uncomfortable scenarios that don't feel like they have a proper solution. Yanlao's fight has like a grand total of two attacks you see constantly, one you see rarely, and an environmental hazard. And Kuafu's.. uh, I forgot the dude's name, but that fight is obviously just a tutorial boss, so it kinda gets a pass (but I think it could have been done a bit better rather than just making it a nothing fight). You throw a slightly tuned down Fengs fight in there and I feel like people would be losing their minds (exaggerating a bit).

Also, on a more negative note, maybe this is just me, but it was the first time I started to question a boss' attacks in this game. Most of the time the context just leads into the concept, y'know? Ji teleports around and throws a barrage of various almost supernatural moves at you? Yeah they're mysterious and an oracle and stuff, that makes sense. Lady Ethereal has the most insane stuff she throws at you? Yeah it's a dream, of course she does all that. Yanlao's crane has a fucking laser? A bit of a stretch but I just fought an ancient living weapon earlier so I'll allow it. But Nuwa's instrument.. summoning snakes? and throwing stuff at you? and summoning AoE fields? I'm really not sure where this is coming from-

All we've really gotten from them is they're rich and they're actors, so why does Nuwa have an instrument that just summons that stuff? It might just be a lost in translation sort of thing, I know they're named after characters in a myth and that myth had them making special instruments or something of the sort? I didn't really look deep into it, I did a quick google search and skimmed, but that would be my guess. Still though, it's the only time I've questioned that stuff in the entire game.

Anyway, I do think that the Fengs is honestly a good fight, coming from someone who has no hit them (it was hell). It just has some moderate flaws and is surrounded by fights that blow them out of the water. I would like to state, while I was talking about putting them earlier in the game, I obviously don't think that's a great idea, they have a lot of significance tied to them specifically in the story and it would certainly ruin the flow of the writing, it was more to state a point on the level of skill demanded of them and the comparative impressiveness of the fight.

Also while writing this I got a cool idea that I think would make the fight really cool. I mentioned the way Fuxi and Nuwa don't really work with each other earlier, I think a great idea could be making the fight mostly scripted. It would be a dangerous idea, easy to fuck up or make irritating to fight over and over, but I feel like it fits them as actors to have their fight and moves be scripted, it could also allow Nuwa and Fuxi to have a synergy that I don't think a boss can really have otherwise without becoming one boss with two hitboxes. I also think it could allow Nuwa to actually play music, she just kinda blasts single notes from what I can tell whenever she does an ability, I think scripting the fight could allow her to actually play full music while having it key into certain abilities (I think it can be done without scripting it too, but I love the idea of the two bosses known to be actors and put on shows having a scripted, almost rehearsed fight).

[epictoeeater]

Tower heroes try to make a FUN update that will be fun for more than a week impossible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The minesweeper update is everything wrong with tower heroes right now

Focusing on skins rather than gameplay

200 hp enemies on wave 10

Not beginner friendly but accessible to beginners

When you get pass the hard part you have to have 30 whole minutes of doing NOTHING! But maybe using the dd ability sometimes

You basically need 5 players the duo strat is mostly rng yes RNG a map that is RNG

There’s a few late game things that make you need to BEG byte stuns them and that certain towers don’t get stunned/deleted “the annoying lemon has 40k hp yes 40k and 9 of them spawn and the boss has a ability to randomly evaporate towers”

Most of the time this map takes OVER A HOUR to complete for context bleak barrens the last map in the game takes 30 minutes the longest for me was 40 minutes with randos in my lobby

You NEED a strat to win this if you don’t know it or if you don’t have friends to play with than fuck you I guess you can’t beat it

And something entirely new to this map is the fact YOU NEED TO BE GOOD AT A DIFFERENT GAME TO WIN IT!!!!!! Literally NO ONE who plays this game knows how to play minesweeper it’s full of children who came from doors and teenagers who goon over all the characters no one in a public server will know how to play minesweeper

That’s all that’s terrible with the minesweeper update now let’s go to the hideaway hive/honeycomb heist rework which was the second update of this year (minesweeper is the third update or main update because there was the valentines skin update and the lunar new year update both did nothing but add a easily obtainable skin)

The hideaway hive update is mostly good it’s just the fact that IT TOOK 3 YEARS

This part needs a warning but the creator of the honeycomb heist map is a freak and I would say pedo the creator is rox serpent co creator of dandy’s world this map needed a rework a LONGGGGG time ago but tower heroes was too busy making the same Halloween Xmas and Easter updates over and over again

Now that that’s over let’s go with everything wrong with the new honeycomb heist rework.

The fact it took the devs 3 years to rework the map made by a pedophille is disgusting to me

In that time they had 3 Xmas events 3 Easter events and 3 Halloween events they had made a ton of new maps stickers and most importantly a ton of skins they waste soo much time on skins just skins

The tower itself is just Beatrice but you can now place 2 of them and they uhhh explode now

(Context Beatrice was the worst tower in the game)

The ability was good and useful for strats but nooooo they nerfed it now it takes 60k dolla for one ability

other than that there is a lot of stuff this map and update got right which I don’t want to overlook (the minesweeper update got nothing right btw)

They gave some good balance changes

the map is F-f-fun for a few days and now b-b-beginners can beat it without a Strat!!!!! Woah I haven’t heard of that since tidal takedown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They didn’t put most of the focus into the skins making 6 decent skins (2 from the map 2 from old Beatrice skins that got reworked for the new tower buzzer and of course the buzzer tower itself and than the mimic skin reworked)

They added new lore which is always good and I want to explain in a post

They didn’t redo the progress of anyone who had the mimic skin bee byte (a mimic is a 1 in 1000 enemy that drops a skin when killed very annoying to grind)

They added something that a-a-actually made me replay an old map!!!!!!!!??????? Yeah the new dialogue is pretty cool!(they also promised that like 3 years ago but I’m forgiving)

They reworked a lot of other stuff made by rox (stickers but not maps and skins yet)

And that’s pretty much all this update had more good than bad so that’s cool

Now for update 1 of 2025 so far……….

All it did was add 6 skins that were missing from the Xmas event before yeah instead of do something cool like what they did last year and have a whole ass new map in January they just made the 6 skins that were meant for the Xmas event but this is very small to me personally idc

That was my opinion and nitpicks of every tower heroes update this year tell me if I said something you didn’t like or if something I said was just objectively wrong alright bye goon slicers

[crestfallencrest]

Hi hello I'm sorry to bother you but I came from your fic "Bravus Vesperia Magica" and I'm too shy to actually comment on the fic so I'm here and-

Words cannot convey how much I love your fic??? Like, i had an appointment today that I was almost late to cause I was too invested in the Yuri v Zagi fight lmao. Also also I'm a SUCKER for fics where everyone's like "God Yuri can you not almost kill yourself doing things for other people" and then he continues to almost kill himself for other people so this is my JAM man (/gender neutral)

And Rita being on screen (???) for like a grand total of ten seconds to kick ass and win Estelle’s heart- so excited to see more of her!! I cannot wait to see how her magical girl moment's going to go. This also applies to Judith because I love Judy :3

As for Raven, I'm guessing Schwann (autocorrect pls work with me) is his magical girl alter ego?? Either way, I'm enjoying his brief apparences so much lol. Niren mentioned Schwann and I was like "yes... YES!!!

afhjshdks speaking of, I was expecting magical girl Flynn, I was Not expecting magical girl Sodia, so that was a fun little surprise! That definitely explains her being shifty before (chapter four maybe? I read on entire work so I can't remember afhsgsj)

Also also also, the fluri moments got to me. Lying in bed giggling like a witch everytime they get into an argument lmao. I'm loving it and little guy Repede so much <3

Point is!! I understand it's been a while since you've updated, so for all I know the fic is done with and you can feel free to delete this, but I just needed you to know I'm losing my mind over this fic and will sit like Hachikō for an update (no pressure. Pls pls don't take this as pressuring into an update, I know how annoying that can be amd don't wish that on anyone) ❤️❤️❤️

AAAAAAAAA hi hello ;w; This was such a sweet comment to read. Im so so so so SOOO glad you enjoyed what you read and i wanna start off by apologizing for the lack of updates!

so a lot of things happened since my last update and i havent exactly been too open about my plans for the future of my fics (mostly bc ive been in a big debate over it) so im gonna just use this post as a chance to update my followers.

As much as I hate to say it, I unfortunately, at this time, i dont have any immediate plans on continuing it. (IM SO SORRY T-T) There was a point where i was actually in the process of rewriting it. I had originally written myself into a tiny lil corner so I started reworking some plot points. I had a WHOLE universe planned out essentially!!

Buuuut then things got pretty hectic in my life >_< work got stressful for a while (which was the only time i could get myself to write LOL), and then i got into a car accident (im fine!) and that stressed me out p badly, and then some personal family stuff happened. And then i JUST NOW got over a really bad sickness that I had since like. Thanksgiving LOL its been fun.

But i guess i just got out of the habit of writing and lost the motivation to do so. And then my ADHD started hyperfocusing on other shows/games (Rune Factory guardians of azuma is RIGHT around the corner, and Mo Dao Zu Shi has me in a chokehold currently) and its just been all over the place. I am so so so so glad you enjoyed what I wrote for BVM and i genuinely hope that one day, I'll get that surge of motivation again to rewrite what I had planned!! And I genuinely hope that you'll be there to see it! (It was in my head so bad that I was planning a prequel fic too bc HOO boy)

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR READING MY FIC <3 I should go back and read it soon. Maybe it'll give me the boost i need.

[seancamerons]

2, 5, 8 (Backtrack), 10, 15, 18, 23 & 33

I wanted to start out and say thanks for sending these questions. Answers are under a cut.

Which of your fics is your pride and joy?

I guess Backtrack is the oldest one, and I’m extremely proud of myself for sticking with it. I still fully intend to update it, but I’ve put a lot of time into it (and other stories). 

It’s funny I should even mention my Emma/Jay story Together Forever got me through the early days of the pandemic. It would be a close second, and lately, I’ve been writing a lot for Where Are You Now?  older idea for a story that I reworked starting last year. 

I feel so much for Backtrack because it was also my most challenging and the one that got me back into fanfiction after a few years. Around the same time, I was writing a discontinued story, The Starlet and the Dealer, about Zig and Maya circa season 13 but it’s soapy and I have no desire to revisit it. I’d probably end up throwing Zig and Maya who had a complicated dynamic throughout this story endgame, but it’d be a disservice to the story and it doesn’t matter because of the direction the show went into it was unfair to Zoe’s character even though it’s a fic. Does that make sense?

What’s something you learned while researching a fic?

I do some research, but I do apply a lot of random things from movie quotes, pop culture references, and things I find interesting into stories. 

I guess I researched alcoholism for one of my earlier works I Have Nothing. I remember when I was in school I read a young adult short story in English class back in hs about being a ‘closet drunk’ and I kind of wrote it and threw some things together and some of the things I read about. 

The story is set in season 3 when Emma had quite a bit on her plate from Snake’s cancer to a fallout with her best friend and more importantly, when she loses Sean. Isolated she forges a new friendship with Amy who leads a complicated and tumultuous home life. Sean becomes increasingly worried about her and more and more drawn to her as the story starts. It’s something the show at the time I was writing it didn’t explore until Fiona. 

I also did some research on fake dating for Faking It. I gave it rom-com vibes, it’s one of the more lighthearted things I’ve written with less traumatic events I suppose. 

What is your favorite line/section from [Backtrack]?

I like how Sean and Emma re-meet all over again, so they catch up with one another over coffee and Sean declares why he’s returned and it’s a bit predictable, and then they decide to take a walk in the park and eventually they end up at Emma’s, so I like writing beginnings and it turned into a longfic which it wasn’t meant to be that long. 

Is there a character or ship you’d love to write for, but haven’t yet?

I haven’t written anything about other shows but Degrassi. I’d like to perhaps play in other universes in the future, such as Stranger Things. 

First person to come to mind is Spinner he’s never really a centralized character. He’s either the waiter and tied to The Dot, or I’m breaking him and Emma up. I’ve never written anything centric to him. I guess I tried to expand him more in Backtrack but he’s definitely not a main character. 

As for girlies, Liberty is rarely in my stories, if she is she isn’t centralized she is tied to Manny, and where it works for me/the story, sometimes she’s more friendly, or her loyalties are tied to Manny than to Emma a character I write most about. 

I had Liberty make little cameos in a few stories, like reunion one-shots. I do have ideas for something like that where she is reunited with the child she put up for adoption with JT and grappling with that stuff. I don’t know if I could work with it or whatever, maybe someday. 

Does anyone you know in real life know you write fanfiction?

My boyfriend knows I sometimes talk about them with him. He seems to be supportive. 

How many WIPs do you have and how many do you expect to finish?

I suck. Here is a list. I do expect to finish most of them? I kind of fell out of love with I Have Nothing and Summer Days so I don't know, I kinda need motivation for them.

Backtrack 

Faking It 

Together Forever 

Where are You Now?

Summer Days 

I Have Nothing 

What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

Something about Miles and Lola, Zig and Maya, or some later characters. Maybe something special like where I peep where they are a few years after Lola graduates and where she is and how Zaya’s doing in California. I don’t know. I got some plot bunnies. 

A character you want to protect.

I destroy them so I can fix them. No one is safe. Just kidding, I don’t know how to answer that. 

Thanks for sending me these questions!

[caltropspress]

RAPS + CRAFTS #30: blackchai

1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?

Ayoo, I go by the name of blackchai, preferably stylized in all lowercase. I started out rapping under the name JinSol, but I think I scrubbed 98% of that shit off the internet. I’m based in Brooklyn, but I grew up a little outside NYC in Putnam County. I’ve been releasing as blackchai since either late 2019 or early 2020 - I forget exactly. I put out my first EP titled No Expectation in August 2020. My first full length titled Time & A Place came out April 2022, followed by 2 EPs A Momentary Lapse in October 2022, and SECOND WIND produced entirely by my good friend/collaborator, a haunted house, in January 2023. My most recent release as of right now is my album Year Wandering which released March 2024. My next album OTHERWISE A BLUR is set to release September 6th and that is fully produced by August Fanon, who has also been a friend of mine since before we even started making music together.

2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?

I find it easiest to write in the comfort of my bedroom. I work best in solitude. Over the years I have usually written the majority of my stuff late at night, but lately I’ve found I have better ideas in the morning before the day has a chance to influence my mind state. 

I’m a notoriously slow writer as in I can probably count on less than two hands how many verses I’ve written in a single sitting, but lately I’ve been trying to push myself to write faster without second guessing myself or losing my attention span, and it’s been working somewhat.

I find that I kind of go back and forth with how disciplined I am in terms of writing every day, but I prefer to always be in a constant state of having “something” that I’m working on, even if I don’t make daily progress. The only time I don’t have an unfinished verse on my plate is if I’m doing an album rollout or in the mixing process or something like that. Not being in the middle of some kind of creative process gives me really bad anxiety.

3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?

When I started rapping it was all pen and paper, but I have horrible handwriting as well as horrible eyesight so it’s been strictly Notes app for the past few years. There are some things I’ve done in my head and wrote down later, but usually like 4-8 bars. Nothing crazy. My short term memory is unfortunately very compromised at this point in my weed smoking career.

4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?

I kind of write in spaced out lines depending on how connected each phrase is to the previous one. I use a lot of my own shorthand to signify pauses and things like that, but sometimes I don’t really solidify the way I’m going to rap the verse until I’m actually recording. It’s a lot easier to rap without breathing when reciting under your breath than when trying to project into a mic. When I started, I would just write in a big paragraph, but I kept losing my place. I used to be able to memorize my verses before recording. but my style has developed into a very stream-of-consciousness word soup sort of thing, so now I don’t usually have anything locked in until after it’s recorded.

5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?

If it doesn’t start out strong, typically I’ll scrap it and start over. Either that or if I write like half a verse then don’t come back to it until days later I can’t pick up the same energy and struggle trying to actually end the thing and it just goes on for way too long and feels redundant. I am a big believer in recycling lines for future use. Sometimes it’ll just be one phrase that I know I need to be a part of a verse. I just need the right beat or placement or whatever. But very rarely do I ever fully delete something. There's always some gold nuggets in a subpar verse.

6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?

So my first girlfriend in high school was a writer. She was writing a novel when we were like fifteen. I’ve always admired people who can write in more traditional structures, but I just don’t possess that skill set. I never knew how to write essays that sounded natural in English class. I always felt like I couldn’t break away from that rigid template they give you when you’re in elementary school. That’s why I really like writing raps. I get to be a writer without having to care about the rules. As a rapper, you can fully disregard grammar, you can make words up, etc. I learned all that studying people like Ghostface Killah and Vordul Mega. But growing up I was definitely reading earlier than a lot of kids my age, and as an adult I really appreciate people like Cormac McCarthy and Tolkien and people like that. They write so descriptively it’s amazing, and I try to take some influence from that in the way I write raps.

7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?

I don’t necessarily labor but definitely the past few years as I’ve been taking this more seriously I’ve put in extra effort to edit my lyrics. Especially because my flow is in such weird pockets sometimes, I have to be really specific about how I say some things so I don’t get lost in the beat. Anything from rearranging bars to fully rewriting some things.

8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?

Most of the time I write to a beat. Sometimes I’ll have a few lyrics in my head that I think of while walking, taking the train, etc. Recently I’ve been writing one verse while switching between beats. It helps when I start to feel like I’m losing momentum. The beat usually tells you what it wants and sometimes my ideas clash with that, so it takes some searching to finesse the formula. Sometimes I’ll have an old verse I never did anything with and I’ll get a new beat and it just fits perfectly. But I don’t do it in the same way Talib Kweli apparently used to do. I'm not tryna rap super fast and sound crazy just to get a verse off.

9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?

I don’t typically write songs about any singular thing. Sometimes it’s a general vibe and I’ll address multiple things that kind of fit that idea even if they’re not directly related, and sometimes I’m just rapping and making references to anime and things I think are cool. I try not to let it get too jarring content-wise, but at the same time I’m a self-proclaimed student of Ghostface, so I don’t care too much if people don’t get it. I’ve definitely been told I’m very stream-of-consciousness by multiple people. I’d say in general the average blackchai song has sprinkles of Marxism, anime references, interpolations of 90s rap lyrics, and just general ruminations on the way I navigate through life and things I observe on a daily basis. And then all the blank spaces are filled with slang or just general “talking my shit” rapper guy stuff. Nothing too crazy. But I definitely do want to put in the effort in the future to write more concentrated songs. I don’t want to be a one trick pony, especially now that I’m getting more optics as an artist.

10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?

I go through phases. I think the thing that comes most naturally to me is flow, so that is usually the thing I like to experiment with the most. I’ve been in a very rapid fire kind of bag for a minute, which is a lot of fun. I did a lot of features just rapping super fast this past year. I also am a big fan of writing non-rhymes or ending bars with words that don’t rhyme. I know a lot of people, mostly older heads, hate that style these days along with the drumless beats and all that, but it’s where I feel I shine the most and can be the most creative. I rap mostly over loops, so there’s less constraints with the way I can actually land my rhymes and everything. But like I said before, the beat usually tells me what it needs. Lyrics are the tougher part for me.

11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics?

One of the bonus tracks off Year Wandering titled “All For The Win." The album itself was largely inspired by the manga Vagabond and the themes explored in that and the song kind of encapsulates that. There’s a throughline that I repeat that goes “From preoccupied with the leaves to invincible under the sun,” which is nearly a direct quote from the manga and basically the whole theme of Musashi Miyamoto's character journey as well as my own kind of declaration of artistic growth. Where I’ve been and where I want to be. Reflecting upon being some kid writing horrible rhymes in my mom's living room to working with people I’ve been a fan of for years and having people tell me I’m their favorite rapper. I just think this is the best example of me mixing contemplative ideas right next to my usual brand of non-sequitur lyricism. Plus a really dope reference to Cannibal Ox that is just so much fun to rap on stage.

The usual intent’s not a spectacle the proof’s in the outcome I’m counting flaws to strike a healthy balance From preoccupied with the leaves to invincible under the sun Contemplating parts of myself that’s hard to face Placating the anger that’s building up from day to day Made a wish, made a plan  Sometimes it’s an aim and a miss but gained an understanding regardless My heart’s a big lender Depart with less than what I need to fill the chest up Blades drawn like a breath  Duress often but can’t halt the flesh  It’s the best of times Measure my regrets next to gratitude it’s too many hard questions Not enough in mind to concentrate Binded by fate with my brothers  Keep it in conversation Fuck a wait list I hate wasting time more than most things in my peripheral  Direct line of sight manifesting pictures from a past life Tryna simply grab it, inhabit the space I’m happy to play a part pondering til the dark divide Niggas is wildin’ I think you better find yourself - before you get ejected from the deep end My shell monumental mechanical found ghost Effortless like a cold reservoir of blood in the vessel Known unknowns  It’s the presence of ancestors weaponizing the mental Head in the sky Treasure refinement  It’s no sweat  Don’t hold me on shit I never said that’s my only lesson to give at the moment Pay attention Unsteady on the way in the present’s a testament to resolve My whole body and soul get the message Surrender control? Probably not It’s dark and Hell is hot as the block in the dead of winter Sounds like a personal problem you probably deserve it dawg Don’t make me call it off it’s all for the win You probably deserve it dawg Usual intent’s not a spectacle the proof’s in the outcome I’m counting flaws to strike a healthy balance From preoccupied with the leaves to invincible under the sun

12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?

Off the song “Feed The Land” from Year Wandering:

High risk high reward Formula been tired no time to react $30 til the next check what we scrambling? Don’t take it for granted like God gave up the answers Feed The Land

I really like this one because it’s one of the more straightforward things I’ve ever written. I was literally in my kitchen making an egg scramble of random things in my fridge because I was broke and couldn’t afford to buy food until my next check. Very simple but I remember every detail and it was just a very real relatable thing. Nothing esoteric about it, just struggle turned into art.

13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?

I don’t do them personally, mostly just because I usually record by myself and it’s annoying to do. But I don’t have an issue with them as a stylistic choice. There’s plenty of punch-ins on like Only Built 4 Cuba Linx, Ironman, Funcrusher Plus, etc. I like to be able to actually rap my own stuff live though. I hate the whole “live show karaoke” thing. Especially in the underground scene. Maybe I’d do them if I had a hypeman or something.

14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?

I mentioned before I like to interpolate lyrics from a lot of 90s rap, but I do this tenfold with rock music. I played guitar before I started rapping and played in a few bands, so I am super pretentious about indie rock/emo/punk etc. I really don’t listen to a lot of rap when I’m writing. At least not a large variety. I’ll usually hyperfixate on one or two rap albums at a time when creating because I don’t want to be influenced too much in that way, but I’ll bump a huge variety of guitar music. 

Like when I was writing Time & A Place the only rap album I was listening to was OB4CL, but I was also listening to a ton of Jawbreaker, Cloud Nothings, Rilo Kiley, Mannequin Pussy, and this Japanese band Number Girl. And when I was writing OTHERWISE A BLUR the only rap I was listening to was like 2016-2017 Mach-Hommy, but I spent most days listening to Interpol and these random obscure indie bands with like 200 Spotify listeners. 

I’m also in the middle of reading Blood Meridian. Other than that, my main non-music inspirations/influences are just whatever shows I’m watching. I watch The Sopranos about four times a year, so that's a permanent fixture and source of reference. I just rewatched YuYu Hakusho. And then whatever communist/leftist literature I’ve read will pop up now and again. Obviously some Marxist stuff, Kwame Ture, Malcolm X, Huey Newton, etc. but I wouldn’t call myself a thoroughly read or educated person in that regard.

15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?

I didn’t like anything about my own music until like my last two projects, for the most part. I hated my voice. I took a long time getting comfortable on the mic. Things like that. But I feel like I’ve really started to feel and sound like the artist I’ve always wanted to be. Going back to my older stuff, now I see the merit in it, but at the time I hated almost everything I put out by the time I put it out. I really love this next album I’m about to drop though. I also made it in a significantly shorter timeframe than anything else I’ve done, so I haven’t had the chance to grow to hate it.

16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them?

Definitely billy woods and E L U C I D. I’m a huge fan, and they both have definitely influenced me a ton, but sometimes I stop myself from listening to Armand Hammer while I’m making stuff. Especially while making this record with August Fanon - haha. Aside from them, I’d say a lot of people in the scene in New York right now. Like people I see at shows and know personally. Like it’s one thing to subconsciously bite a rapper that you know from a distance, but when it comes to people who are closer to your level or whatever, you want to kind of maintain a sense of friendly competition. I like the idea of everyone having their own style. It’s like super powers. Spider-Man and Human Torch are homies, but they can’t do what the other does.

17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?

When I was a child I think the first thing I ever wanted for my future was to be an artist. I don’t even know why or what kind of artist I wanted to be. I just liked things like that. I also wanted to be a ninja. Presently, I just want to make a mark and be a part of rap-lore. When I started rapping, one of the more formative influences for me was The Juggaknots but I’ve never met anybody outside of hardcore rap nerds who even know who they are, but Breeze is like the best rapper ever. If I can do that for some kid 20 years from now, that’d be crazy. 

Obviously the deeper I get into this and the more things I accomplish that I never thought possible there will be more things I strive to achieve, but my initial goal was just to be a dope rapper who other rappers think is dope and just do cool shit because I can put words together in a cool and interesting way. And I kind of feel like I finally opened the door for that possibility. I can’t go to a show in New York without running into someone I know through music. I’ve even been recognized by strangers a couple times in the crowd of billy woods shows and stuff, which is really insane, and kind of weird.

There’s messages and beliefs I have that I put into my music, but I was never someone who wanted to make political music or anything like that. It’s a good gateway, but I’m not a professor. You can learn a lot more about revolutionary politics by reading books than from listening to Public Enemy, but a lot of people probably didn’t even form an interest in black leftist politics until Chuck D screamed into their ear about the Black Panthers. I suffer from really bad depression and anxiety. I wouldn’t feel comfortable counseling someone on their own mental health issues, but maybe my music might inspire someone to take action for themselves. Just having a positive tangible effect on people is really all you can hope for.

RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series.

Photo credit: E. Fortson

[goneahead]

I was tagged by @radiowrites and @stephmcx thank you♥️!!

Hi! I am @goneahead on tumblr. I am also goneahead on A03 and goneahead over on dreamwidth (see links in my pinned post - my internet has gone wonky again)

So, this was definitely not one of my better years. I have three WIPs and while I plodded away at all three, I was never happy enough to post new chapters.

What’s really sad is I finally hit 1 million words posted on dreamwidth—and then I pretty much struck out this year. I’m mostly posting this cuz I think its good for newer writers to realize that yes, even experienced writers have years where things just go all pear-shaped.

My grand total for fanfic was: 1,513😳

I don’t keep track of my poetry word count, but I started the year writing poem #926 and ended the year writing poem #947

Total Number of Fanfics: about 150

Total Number Of Completed Works: this year? 0

Total Number of WIPS worked on this year: 3

How Many WIPs do you still have: 4

Looking back, did you write more than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? Much less. In fact, this year was pretty much a bust.

Did you take any writing risks this year? Well considering I spent all year writing three fics and wasnt happy enough to post anything….

Biggest Surprise: I would love to say I was surprised at how little I posted, but I am a disorganized idjit and—yeah. nobody is shocked.

Biggest Disappointment: see above😆

Do you have any writing goals for the new year? Finish Home verse. Let’s see how that goes….

Fanfiction Questions Below! (if you don’t write fanfiction feel free to skip or rework the questions for your original works.)

Fandoms I’ve written in this year? Hawaii Five-0

Your most popular story of the year? sadly, I didn’t post a new story, just a poem and a tiny addition to another verse.

The story that was easiest/or most fun to write? Still enjoying my MIB AU. Now if I could actually finish it…

Hardest story to write: Lead Me Through the Fire from 2022 was one of those fics where all the different pieces of the plot had to fit together just so. I spent more time than I’d like to admit second-guessing myself on how I arranged the chapters.

Your sweetest funniest story: I have a soft spot for Hawaii Five-0’s Eric Russo. The character is very funny and often wildly inappropriate. I wrote a scene in one of my WIPs where Eric is just soooo Eric

Your saddest scene: I didn’t write anything sad this year.

The sexiest moment you’ve written this year? again, nada.

Your favorite tag: diplomatic javelining😆

Most unintentionally telling story: hmmm. I can’t think of anything too revealing in my fic? Except a tendency to write too many AUs?

Are any of your fics named after/heavily inspired by music? Yes. A lot of my fics have their own playlists and that music definitely influenced those fics. I don’t usually share these songs—or name my fics after songs—because I listen to a lot of obscure stuff most people have never heard of.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? I continued to get a lot of interesting and thought-provoking comments on Care and Feeding of a Super SEAL this year. There are many amazing fix-it fics for S10xE22 written by insanely talented writers—so its crazy and humbling that people are continuing to read and comment on mine.

Fanfiction risks you took this year? sadly, none.

My favorite part of fandom this year: We had new people join our fandom!

You know, I really don’t get what has happened to fandoms these last few years. It used to be that fans just shrugged and continued to write, create, and have fun—even their fandom didn’t have any new content being made. Am I the only one who thinks its weird that most fans now book it for the nearest exit as soon as a show is canceled or a movie series is over?

letsee, tagging um, @cowandcalf @bennyokelly @itwoodbeprefect @stellagioia @redgoldblue

[100line]

Lots and lots and lots of white knight thoughts below the cut. I anticipated hating it a lot more, but it wasn't all that amazing either. but I have been lent the second TPB so I will be continuing to read it, and I haven't read a TPB in a while so i have a lot of opinions.

Stuff I liked (with some things I didn't like): 1. The art is just beautiful. I love the way Sean Murphy does crosshatching and eyes and shading, I love his use of colors. I've been saying it but I loved the designs, and especially especially the Joker design. There's a lot of splash art of Joker at like...Batman shrines, essentially praying, that I found really beautiful. 2. I really liked the interpretation of the Joker as a Batman "fanboy" and someone who is pushing him to be "better" rather than trying to establish superiority over him. I like the idea of Joker trying to take the city to give it back as a sign of affection. of course, that being said, I wish they had been more explicitly queer about it - the fact that the volume ends with the Joker/Harley wedding as attended by Batman is stupid. I also think there's an issue with whether or not the Joker is evil - I made a post about how WK Joker had never been charged with anything more than armed robbery, and we learn that he didn't kill Jason (though he might have if not for Harley). We hear from Harley that he was a bad boyfriend, but then we also hear from copycat-Harley that he never assaulted her or otherwise abused her. So what exactly has he done? Why IS he so bad? WK needs to walk the morality line so we can accept Jack as a redeemable protagonist while also needing Joker to be SO evil that we struggle with it...but Joker seems like he wasn't even that bad in the first place. 3. I like the reworking of Jason and Dick to have Jason be the first Robin. i think it adds another layer of drama to the family unit, and does a lot of work to explain why Bruce is so fucked up in WKverse. i like that, for a minute, it's ambiguous whether or not Jason died, and PART of me likes that he didn't die and instead chose to disappear. however, i think he's a little too young of a character to have actually made the choice to go missing. 4. I actually do like a lot of the politics stuff. I mean, a lot of it is very bad-faith "if Batman good, why property damage?" stuff that you see on Twitter daily, but the comic actually engages with the critique and examines how that would function in-universe rather than just parroting it and calling it a day. I think the Joker's rise to power is kind of feasible with some of the talking points he had. I think where it falls short is there's too many buzzwords and they don't go far enough sometimes. Stuff I have mixed feelings on: 1. Two Harleys. This is okay - this is actually kind of cool. Harley as a character has been like...plaguing DC writers for years now, nobody quite knows what to do with her because she's been REALLY different in various incarnations, to the point where now a lot of comic canon spends time commenting on how Harley doesn't really have a consistent character. Whether or not that's true is anyone's guess...to be real, a lot of it is misogyny in my opinion, because EVERY comics character is very different each time they get written, but you don't see people agonizing like this over the Riddler. Anyway, Murphy's solution is that Classic Harley is actual Harley and New, Sexy Harley is replacement Harley.

Classic Harley is alright. I don't buy that she could have manufactured the mystery magical mental illness cure pills for Joker, but those pills are a stretch in the first place. I also don't buy that she "really" fell in love with Jack, and not the Joker - I think that's a pretty simplistic version of the character, I think it's more interesting for her to be obsessed with Joker despite the toxicity of the relationship. I think they went a little too "empowered girlboss" and ironically ended up erasing a lot of her character.

Replacement Harley ended up actually being FAR more interesting to me (though I do think it's funny she even exists) because she is, if anything, a reworking of a Harley origin in feeling "saved" by the Joker. I do think the Neo-Joker thing is kind of bullshit though. She should just be trying to claim the Harley Quinn title.

2. Bruce Wayne. WK randomly has some of the best Bruce characterization fucking ever - the relationship with Alfred is good, him paying for city damage out of pocket is good, the bit where Neo-Joker robs his house and he's like "good heavens no!!!" in the bathrobe is amazing. I love when he goes to the socialite party and gets so so mad at the other socialites. I don't think everything is cohesive, though. WK needs Batman to be at his ABSOLUTE lowest in order for the story to make sense, and I don't think that Alfred dying is quite enough to explain the shift to brutality that we see Batman take. I also don't understand how Bruce didn't know that other 1%ers were profiting off of crime if HE'S been the one losing money on it - literally directly taking the hit to protect the city.

Stuff I didn't like: 1. Jack Napier, as a character, is just some random guy. nothing about his behavior makes sense as "guy who used to be the Joker", he's just like, super well-adjusted and way too intelligent for the sake of the plot. I think the story would be a lot more interesting if he was just a little weirder. There are a lot of moments, particularly in the later issues, where I think the implication is supposed to be that Joker is masquerading as Jack...that is interesting to me and I'd like more of that. 2. the pacing was ABYMSMAL and I think because the story is about power dynamics SHIFTING OVER TIME, pacing is a MUST. i should FEEL how much time is passing. 3. mind-controlled rogues gallery as props for Joker and Neo-Joker SUCKS and I hate it and it's lameeee. the rogues gallery doesn't even factor in that much to the story, they honestly don't even need to be here if they're just going to stand around blankly. 4. I don't think the writing about class or race is particularly well-thought out or....good......I am willing to suspend some disbelief to accept a world where the Joker could somehow become a left-wing socialist icon, but then it doesn't actually make sense with the politics he's propping up. namely the Gotham Super Police (which in itself is very stupid). and the writing about race is honestly even worse, you get the sense that they just threw in some dialogue because they realized it was weird to not acknowledge race but also they didn't really want to acknowledge it. I also don't know why we're making Duke Thomas a random street militia guy. Why is that Duke? are we just calling this guy Duke because Duke is one of the only black men in Batman comics from the past decade? nothing about Duke in WK has anything to do with Duke as a character, they should just...have him be someone else.

5. the whole ending goes completely off the rails. WK bills itself as a grounded, social story about political upheaval in Gotham, and then halfway through turns into an all-out brawl with death lasers and frozen cities. that just sucks, I'm sorry.

[yell0wsalt]

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

🌿how does creating make you feel?

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

^-^

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

Oof, too many 🤡

Writing is a learned skill and is not something I'm that good at. With each fic and idea, I'm trying to practice and get better, though! While there are some older stories I'm happy and kinda proud of considering my abilities, I think I could do them better if I re-wrote them.

🌿How does creating make you feel?

It's hard and frustrating sometimes. Often I'm like, "what on earth am I even doing, I'm such an idiot, none of this even matters!"

But other times, being able to think of a random idea and breathe some life into it... makes it exciting.

When I read over a chapter or fic I'm proud of I tell myself: Dang. I did that.

Recognizing the work I put in for a story that was but a tiny concept in my head, to see it now be something more fleshed out, that's a wonderful feeling.

🎈Describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

Man, I don't even know if I have a style. I feel like I'm doing fuck all and seeing what pops out of my head onto my docs hoping for the best. Some fics are more introspective and sensory. Others are more plot driven where that introspection isn't necessary.

I try to adapt in conveying a story of what the characters are doing and feeling based on the situation they're in.

Guess you could say that my writing style changes with getting the bigger story across.

💞What's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

Hmm probably the characters. In my opinion they are what drive the story and I try to be cognizant of their characterization.

Would they say/do that? Wouldn't they say/do that? Does this make sense for this universe and how far do I want to push it?

A close second is the worldbuilding. With fanfic there's a baseline of background knowledge you and the reader share which is helpful. But when diverting into a universe far from canon, that assumption wavers, so I try to be balance that and the whole "showing not telling" of it all lol.

Thank you for the asks!

Let's get REAL

[cicada-heart]

😖

a band i’m friends with asked me to design a show poster and some merch for them, and they needed the poster rushed (like, 3 day turnaround rushed which is crazy)..so i spent a full day and a half working on this poster that i thought turned out really cute and fun! and sent it to them a day early in multiple formats! they gave me almost nothing to work with aside from a basic color scheme and the show info and i really did my best to pull something together on a time crunch

…so i sent it over and they left me on read for 2 days. then they finally messaged me today and told me that they didn’t like the poster, they felt like it didn’t work with the vibe of the band, and they were just going to make one themselves. didn’t give me any notes or even a chance to rework the design. i feel like such a stupid asshole dude everything i do feels so hit or miss lately. right now it feels like mostly misses.

i replied apologizing that i didn’t meet their expectations and of course got left on read again. i’m so bummed. they didn’t address the merch they wanted me to do and i was sooo stoked to do it at first but now i don’t know if i even want to? like i feel like i’m going to be second guessing myself the whole time and worry that it’s not gonna be good enough or that i’m going to be rejected again. since they’re friends i didn’t ask for payment up front so if it doesn’t work out, at least nobody’s out any cash. but that also means i don’t get compensated for the time i already spent on the poster they didn’t like. and i really needed the cash i was supposed to make from the merch designs but idk if that’s gonna happen :(

sorry for bitching abt dumb little things i know nobody is even going to read this but i feel awful lol and this is the only social media platform i can use to talk about this kinda stuff. i hope something works out for me soon and i find some clients who like my art for what it is and respect my time

[monstermertens]

alright, here’s how things went down about as far as i remember;

edit: i've added dividers to represent the various "arcs" of my memories' "plot." there are three major arcs so far, as well as an "epilogue," and while the second and third blocks are still pretty big, i think they're a lot more manageable!

last updated: oct. 19th

vampworld was the result of a wish for simon to never become ice king. which, technically, yeah. he sure didn't do that. it was Way Worse.

aside from the opening where little marcy is stealing simon’s shoe, all events shown in the episode “the star” happened as normally depicted.

i was left in the tank, and once pep finished repairs, we went moving to look for bonnie. she was really badly hurt, drained of most of her color, but was able to patch herself up just enough to keep from. not getting back up. she spent a few days in the tank to recover.

i reached the milestones of a five year old within the first day in the tank. i guess i was pretty irritating, because bonnie eventually had peptank equip me with some basic equipment and let me outside to explore, so long as i kept within peptank’s proximity.

bonnie kept an eye on me from inside, and photographed me to document my growth progress throughout the whole thing. we had photos of me at the approximate ages of one (initial arrival), five (initial spurt), eight (when bonnie was lucid enough to notice), ten (photograph taken by the star), and every year since thirteen. my growth leveled out at around fifteen, and bonnie’s hypothesis was that something about babyworld inherently kept its inhabitants young.

i called it the neverland effect, and the name stuck, even though she thought it was too whimsical :p

anyway! while i was exploring, i did a lot of scavenging, and i had a watch so i could talk to peptank! when i reached about ten i started to go inside buildings, and that’s when the pillow corner really got started. i tried to grab “useful” stuff like tools or rare curios, but i ended up stuffing my backpack with every scrap of threadbare fabric and squashed pillow i could find.

and so, the pillow corner was born.

the scraps i collected supplied a lot of what i wore until i was physically ten. bonnie reworked some of peptank’s assistive arms to make him into a temporary clothing manufacturer cause i outgrew everything super fast

i know i was captured by the star around ten. she sent a photo of me to bonnie. i remember that much.

bonnie didn’t have the manpower to get me back and was forced into a toxic domestic situationship with the star. this part is where my rate of aging gradually started to slow down. we lived in the vampire city, and most of the star’s thralls left us alone

for timeline’s sake, i was ten when i was kidnapped and held hostage, and the memories start to trickle back at around fifteen, but really come back full force at 16-17. zero to fifteen was about a week, ten to fifteen was a couple days, and beyond age “fifteen” is when i slowed to start aging normally. bonnie and the star were together for years.

i was trans, but really clearly a dude from the get-go. bonnie had me on hrt pretty quick. a pretty painless process all told — i mostly just forgot about it, y’feel? (and i still do sometimes, despite the body being afab!)

i lost my arm while exploring outside the vampire city during that time. the star had less explicit control out there, but punishment was just as swift for the vampire who attacked me.

the full story is… graphic. and intense. but it’s over here if you wanna read it.

i know a lot about how the vampire nobility worked! back in the old days, it was basically just individualist imperialism, where vamps had to Start strong and Stay strong in order to stay on top and ensure their survival. it was well established by the time the vk took in the star. by the time i met her, she generally didn’t bother sucking up the souls of vamps she considered below her, and was used from time to time as a threat by the vk for others to stay in line. and she loved it.

but, when i was around sixteen or seventeen, the empress stole the vk’s crown and went rogue to do her own thing anyway. start her own vampire city. meanwhile, the crown somehow ended up back in the hands of our world’s simon petrikov, who had never escaped her thrall. the empress made him maintain the sun-blocking clouds put in place by the vk.

our simon petrikov was… i don’t know how to say it without sounding insensitive. but he was something truly, ghoulishly inhuman. most of the time, the crown was on his head, but there were times where he would keep it on his hip like he did when he was with marcy in the main timeline. blood on his hands and a crazed, almost hollow look in his eye. he was terrifying.

once in a while, he’d have a moment of lucidity where he wasn’t consumed by her spell or his own dissociative devotion. that was sy.

i met both simon and sy when i was around fourteen or fifteen. first simon, as something to be feared, then sy, as someone to be helped.

tldr; they were a system. when i first heard of them, they were just simon petrikov. but then i met sy and realized what was going on.

…the star came looking for me, since i’d technically run away from being her captive. she saw simon/sy, and she got. mad.

she hated him for leaving her when she was a kid. he tried to explain the situation with simon, but simon had had his time in the back seat and forced himself to the front despite sy’s protests.

i think something in her broke. but like, in such a way that something else started working again. she started moving towards becoming marcy.

marcy, bonnie and i helped sy and simon out, and they learned to work together. after we eventually took out the vampire king, sy and marcy reconnected, and marcy helped simon adjust. they moved in together after our finale, when the sun came out. bonnie and i stayed nearby with peptank.

marshall was. honestly just a really weird coincidence? like. freakish. but he was a more relatively recent attempt at adoption by sy, similar to marcy, and he was a lost werewolf prince — kinda like rapunzel in tangled? but as a monster prince, he was entitled to challenge vk for the title of king of all monsters. after that, the magic crown would be his by right. (luckily, he wanted no part of that thing.)

the werewolves were originally a pack as large as the vampire clan, but by my time they’d been reduced to a small rebel faction. marshall was the son of their last king, but he didn’t originally know any of them. they were similar to the railroad in fallout 4? the only ones left who really had the means to take down the established oligarchy, but far from the only ones against it.

…i had a goofball crush on marshall. he was about seventeen, i was around sixteen, but then he found out that i was originally from babyworld and had only spent a year or so in vampworld. but he was cool! kinda like a big brother or older cousin.

monsters were like the elementals of our world. some canon elementals existed too — candy, fire, ice, and slime — but my timeline’s “elements miniseries" equivalent surrounded vampires, werewolves, wizards, and demons, and might've been after the finale...?

marcy took a role similar to pb and fp. she was the vampire queen, in her giant bat form, with all her character development flushed down the toilet. and it made her sick to come back from.

our “finale” — my timeline’s equivalent to the last episode of adventure time — involved a werewolf/vampire standoff, with most other people left alive on the side of the werewolves. i was kinda like the sole survivor, if you remember the fallout 4 metaphor from earlier. y’know, running around helping folks, recruiting them to help our cause in exchange for protection from vagabonds and vampires.

marcy was… akin to zuko, if he didn’t become the firelord at the end. she fought, but like i said, she and simon lived on the outskirts, kinda like bucky’s initial steps to recovery in wakanda, but with a buddy. two for one, with sy and simon as her roomie!

preeeetty sure simon and sy were originally jewish, too. they and bucky are pretty similar, actually — go figure!

vampworld didn’t have a finn anymore before me. i usurped him and took our narrative role, since… he was already dead. or i guess he was just never born?

no humans untouched by vampirism or some other monsterous affliction or magical protection survived the initial fallout of the mushroom war. most other stuff was able to mutate, but... well, if you've watched arcane, "nature has made us intolerant to change. fortunately, we have the capacity to change our nature."

it would explain why simon/“ice king” would initially be the only one capable of surviving rather than sy, since he was using the crown to keep them alive.

we had a betty though! she went missing and was presumed dead at the end of the mushroom war, which, turned out to be the time travel thing with hambo, like in canon. again, to draw a parallel to fallout 4 — she was like nick valentine. except we weren’t all that close since i knew other humans already. i had fuzzy memories of fionna and her simon, martin, and huntress, (all human), and bonnie told me about them while i was growing up. and the fact that more humans did come out of vaults like to the ones vault-tec built. (guess that explains what little human population there was.)

so that’s where vampworld martin came from. poor guy.

we had a minerva campbell too, but she never knew martin mertens, and she had lost her son when he was young…? she didn’t like talking about it. but something in her told me that she was just like my original mom, back in babyworld. i didn’t like thinking about that. frankly i still don’t so i’m gonna lock that up and move on

my timeline's equivilant to the "islands miniseries" also took place after the "finale."

i dunno if i ever found out why huntress wasn’t a wizard. maybe she would’ve been, if she hadn’t gotten ganked by the star. …whoops.

my timeline had a nico the catboy. he was still a cat, but he lived out somewhere with a werewolf pack, i think. we met after the showdown against the vk, and he was really cool. we started dating kinda by accident — luckily i had more life experience and he was more comfortable with dating me than marshall was. which i’m glad for, ‘cause marshall was a great familio-platonic bestie, and nico was a great partner.

nico was taller than me, long and lanky. He liked to sprawl out on top of me no matter what position i was in. and when i played with his hair, and scalp massages where i scratched behind his ears. his hair was super long, too — he rarely ever cut it.

if i had to assign him a human race, i’d say he was diné, at least in part. there were definitely holdovers from human culture across ooo, and that one resonates with what i remember about my nico and how he would read as being “coded.”

i, on the other hand, mostly cut my hair short. after the first time i chopped it all off when i was ten or twelve, it was never longer than about my shoulderblades.

i got a lot more comfortable taking my arm off with nico around. i didn’t like not wearing it since it’d lost it traumatically and shiz, but nico just… i dunno. he made it easier.

i used to sleep curled up in his arms with my face buried the crook of his neck. he smelled good, like boyfriend hoodies and a healthy cat. lean and muscular, so he was basically the ideal proportions for my sweaty ass to hold at night.

he was also super easy to lift, which i did all the time. i’d just scoop him up and carry him off, either because i was feeling needy or to help him calm down. eventually, i was able to haul him under my left arm just as gently as i could carry him bridal style.

this post is an ever-expanding wip as i remember stuff, so have a guinea pig 🐹

pixel art credit: 🌌 | 🌆 | 🏙️ | 🌄

[woodsmokepine]

Talking About Every Fic I've Written (All 123) - Part 1/2

I was inspired by Laebrumme’s post doing something like this, so I figured I’d give it a shot!

I started writing in general in elementary school. At first, I wrote little short stories about some kids messing around outside or whatever, but in middle school, I tried to write a Big Fantasy Novel. At the time, I was obsessed with Eragon, so, naturally, my story was a rip off of Eragon but with the “cool twist” that the main character eventually gained the power to shapeshift (more on that later).

I started reading fanfic in high school, but only smut because I didn’t understand wanting to read something that wasn’t a novel. I was really big into Wheel of Time and Malazan Book of the Fallen at this point, so I didn’t really have any drive to read anything but huge epic fantasy. So I just used it as… material. But, strange, I wasn’t particularly impressed with the M/F selection; I was very drawn to the F/F (more on that later).

Other than a Warrior Cats fanfic I wrote in 4th grade before I knew what fanfic was, I started writing fanfic in February of 2023. It started mostly because I 1) was horny, and 2) had Feelings About Lesbians™ (more on that later). Originally, I just had one idea and was going to write it and be done, but the second I got a hit of that sweet, sweet Inbox (1), it was over.

So here is me looking back on my works in chronological order. Yes, all 123 of them.

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The Fox and the Fawn

The OG. Hornyposting personified. Just pure, nonsensical smut. It was a scenario I had bouncing around in my head for a couple weeks, so I just put it directly to page without much extra thought put into it. I really don’t have much to say about this, other than I was reaaaally nervous to post it because I thought it was kind of cringe and didn’t want to get made fun of. Surprisingly, that didn’t happen, and I even got a nice comment. So, dopamine hit fresh in my mind, I started work on my next one.

I came back to this a few months later because I thought I had improved a lot since writing it, and wanted to do better. I think the reworked version is better, but even now I think I could still do better, which is a lesson. Don’t go back and rewrite stuff like this, just focus on making the next work better.

Thoughts of Treason

In ye olde high school days, I read a lot of Lux/Katarina, as it was a popular ship on fanfiction.net, where I prowled because I didn’t know what AO3 was. So I wrote this one, which was a solo Lux story but with implied Lux/Katarina and Garen/Katarina (which was also a popular ship). I remember putting some self-hatred in this one, with Lux hating that she was mage (more on that later).

A Du Couteau’s Farewell

After Thoughts of Treason, I figured I would write what was happening in the next room over. So I wrote a dominant Katarina with a very submissive Garen, with a dash of pet play just for fun. I felt weirdly uncomfortable writing M/F smut, and wanted to go back to F/F by the end of this (more on that later).

The Road to Xolan

Taliyah is one of my favorite characters in League (more on that later), and I really liked her short story with Kai’Sa, “Hollowspun”. As a kid, I loved wilderness survival stories like My Side of the Mountain. So I wrote a Kai’Sa/Taliyah story of them traveling across Shurima together and falling in love. Originally, it was supposed to just be a setup for smut (sex on my mind a lot during this time, I guess), but eventually I realized the tone just wasn’t right for a sex scene, so I discarded that thought and made it just a normal adventure/romance story.

I learned how to keep a longer fic going with this one, although I didn’t do it very well and got tired of it after a while. This is when I realized how hard it was to keep my focus on a longer story, and it was because of this story that I mostly wrote one shots.

Hot Spring Rendezvous

Not much to see here. Hornyposting once again.

Foxy Liaisons

Annnnd more hornyposting. Really, just ignore this entire trilogy of fics unless you want shameless smut. Not really much of value for me as a writer either. These just served as a way for me to get used to writing and posting and the culture surrounding fanfic.

Caught

Oh boy, the big one. The beginning of the Taliyah smut era. I really liked Taliyah, and so, naturally, I wanted to write smut with her. But with her creator’s original intent for her character, popular fanon was that she is trans. Star Guardians only fed into this further, and I was on board with the idea.

I was inspired by grounded by PrismProtector for this one. I loved their ideas about a possible somewhat antagonistic relationship between Taliyah and Sivir, and thought Sivir would make the most sense for the dynamic I wanted for the first chapter.

This was only supposed to be one chapter, but it turned into twelve chapters! All because one person commented on that first chapter and just said “more please”. Who am I to turn down the will of the people?

This is still my most popular fic to-date in terms of hits, which is very surprising. I think it may be because of all the smut-adjacent tags I added? This one started my love of the university AU, and was really where I cut my teeth on smut writing. With the characters having sex nearly every chapter, I had to find ways to keep it fresh, I couldn’t rely on the same descriptions for everything over and over. And I had to come up with new scenarios and how to put the characters in them. I consider this fic to be a huge benefit to my smut writing as a whole.

I also had to write a relationship, which definitely came out awkward. The conflicts were cliche, the situations a bit contrived, but I wasn’t looking to write an entirely original story. I kind of set out to write a smutty rom-com, and I think I succeeded on that front.

And this was the start of me starting to write dysphoria in a character, which turned out to be very easy. And I enjoyed writing a transfem character, I found her easier to relate to because this was a smut-centric fic, and she had the same equipment I did (more on that later).

Overall, I don’t understand why this is my most popular work. I have written better smut, better romance, and better plot since then.

Like Rabbits

I didn’t try anything out of the ordinary with this one, mostly just practice by repetition. Most of my early smut works were just based off of fantasies I had at that time, and this one is no different.

A Smile Before Sleep

Back to Lillia! I wanted to write her most popular ship, Lillia/Yone. Writing Yone was weird, it was like I was worried about not being able to write a believable male character? Which was weird, considering I was a man (more on that later).

While She Sleeps

Just some smut in the Caught universe. Not much to see here, I wanted to try my hand at voyeurism.

Avalanche

As soon as I finished Caught, I was already working on another university AU. This one was for Quinn and Shyvana, and I honestly can’t remember where I first found the ship. Fan art on Twitter, I guess? But I made Quinn an ornithologist because of Valor, and just threw something in for Shyvana.

It was really fun to write characters in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. I enjoyed writing descriptions of the scenery, and drew from my experiences with hiking in the Pacific Northwest. And writing lovestruck mess Quinn was very fun, and I do enjoy the way I built their relationship up. I think I could do it more elegantly now, but really I think the story has bigger problems structurally than their relationship. I wish I had been content to just let them exist in the cabin and explore their relationship, but I shoved in an actual avalanche to wrap up the story because I got tired of writing it all the time. Once again, my lack of creative focus claims a long fic.

I half outlined a rework of this fic, but I don’t think I’ll ever come back to it. I still love the secluded wilderness log cabin setting though, I might use that for something else in the future.

Coeducational

Another shot at Lillia/Yone. Hornyposting, as pretty much all my fics with Lillia unfortunately are. Unremarkable, I don’t have anything to say about it.

Ruin and Relief

I read a really hot fic while scrolling through a tag I can't remember. It was Reticent Nights by KittyBoops, and I loved the orgasm denial aspect of it. So I wrote this one in the Caught universe, and made it a scene with Sivir and Taliyah. This is when I started to explore kinks and stuff that I wasn’t necessarily into. I was inspired by the fic, for sure, but I had no desire to try any of this myself. Which led to the immensely helpful exercise of working to understand why people are into certain things. It is an exercise I still do regularly, even if I don’t write it.

Fireside Confession

Since my first two Lillia/Yone fics were pure, unadulterated hornyposting, I wanted to write a nice and sweet romance (with smut of course). So I wrote this one, and I remember struggling with the setting. I knew I wanted it to be modern, but wasn’t sure how to handle the fact that she is a cervitaur. I deliberated for a long time.

This fic also has the first instance of me accidentally copying a scene from another fic. In this one, I have Yone sitting on the floor and eating fruit while Lillia takes a shower. This is directly from The Heart and all its Chambers by etymologyplayground, which is one of my favorite fics of all time, even though I have never engaged with the source material or the fandom at all. I was inspired by its writing and character dynamics and pacing, so I guess a scene from that fic snuck into this one? Still not sure how it happened lol.

This is my favorite Lillia fic I’ve written, and was the least popular one for a long time, which was strange and sad. It has since climbed in popularity, which I’m grateful for. I didn’t learn much writing this one though.

Light in a Neon Abyss

I wanted to write a cyberpunk AU, and thought about the worldbuilding a ton before even starting the story. I tried to outline for this one, and got the first three chapters down before I got impatient and started writing anyway. I really like the idea of smashing magic and cyberpunk together, à la Shadowrun, and Demacia has great potential for some futuristic dystopia. But I wanted to include champions from all over Runeterra, so I smashed everyone together in Piltover. Lux is one of my favorite champions, and I hadn’t done a long fic with her yet, so here we are.

Honestly, I put a lot of work into this one and was really proud, but it got a really disappointing response. I pushed through because I liked the setting, but once I lost interest in writing it, the lack of engagement made me stop trying. While I never chase interactions or write something just because I know it would be popular, if I don’t have interest in something and no one is waiting for the next chapter, my motivation to work on that project plummets.

I think this would be better as a oneshot or just a thought experiment. This fic is my nemesis right now, a direct obstacle to my resolution that I would never leave a fic unfinished. Highly considering abandoning this one, but who knows, I might get my shit together and give it a decent ending at least.

Second First Time

Okay, this one is kind of egregious. I had a specific scene in mind, where a trans girl is nervous about having sex with her girlfriend because of internalized transphobia and all that jazz, and her girlfriend comforts her. And the first trans character I thought of was Taliyah, of course. When writing smut, I often come up with the scenario first and then match it to the appropriate characters after, and if I can’t think of characters who would fit, I make it OC.

I did a bunch of research into HRT and its effects (more on that later) for this fic, and sat down and wrote it in two hours. It was profoundly easy to write (more on that later).

Inherent Fury

This one started out as the setup for a smut fic, but the emotions were too tender and the characters were too vulnerable; I didn’t feel right making them have sex after having such a sweet and open conversation. So this was my first T rated work! I was feeling pretty bad at the time of writing (more on that later), so I channeled a lot of negative emotions into the themes and prose. I think this might be a little too angsty. I didn’t learn much from this, but it further reinforced my love of a canon-compliant fic.

Cornered

So. I stumbled upon a pair of fics: Bring It to Life by Ammeh and Hunt Me by PirateQueenCatherine. I had never even heard of predator/prey before, and these two fics singlehandedly converted me. They are still some of my favorite smut fics to this day, and they inspired several of my own works.

Cornered was the first one, and it’s where I experimented with a larger, stronger character being submissive (a favorite trope of mine). This is one of many smut fics I wrote mostly just for fun. It was good practice, but not much else.

Study Break

Like most of my smut, inspired by a fantasy I had or a situation I was directly involved in. It’s smut. More transfem Taliyah taking my place in the scenario (more on that later).

Virtuosity

So I introduced the Ahri/Sona ship in Caught, based on some fanart I saw of them and really liked, and I wanted to try a music-based fic with Sona having synesthesia. I did a ton of research on the condition for this fic, and I’m pretty happy with how I portrayed it. But I’m not happy with this fic overall. It’s meandering, the plot and central conflict is a mess, and you can tell I was phoning it in at the end. This had no right being a multi-chapter fic, I should have just made it a couple of one shots exploring the concept of Sona with synesthesia. More evidence for my lack of creative focus and endurance. I also tried to outline/plan, and it killed a lot of my motivation to write.

Balance of Power

Qiyana’s personality is really funny to me. And I love when a sassy, arrogant character gets put in their place, so this fic was born. It’s one of my kinkier works (for me, okay, I know it’s not that kinky lol), and turned out much longer than I expected! I wrote it all in one sitting, and I can’t really remember a lot of that process. Not a lot to see here, but I think the ratio of private to public bookmarks on this fic is very funny.

Wolf and Strange Prey

This fic was very directly inspired by those predator/prey fics I mentioned earlier. It was also my first time writing for Spice & Wolf, one of my favorite anime. It was also inspired by a Norah/Holo fic I’d read, but it must have been deleted because I can’t find it anymore.

I originally tried to make Holo speak in an Old English style to mimic her use of archaic Japanese in the anime. However, as a commenter helpfully pointed out, I’d completely butchered a lot of the grammar, so I went back and just changed her dialogue to be more eloquent and refined modern English instead.

I learned a lesson in this one about trying to write in a language you aren’t familiar with lol.

Blade’s Respite

So I was playing a lot of Legends of Runeterra, and there are a few interactions between Irelia and a card called Blossoming Blade. The interactions have a lot of romantic undertones, so I wrote a smut fic between them. It was pretty much the prototype for I’ll Always Catch You, which comes later. I still think the transition to the smut in this fic is awkward and could have been done better. Or just not existed at all, and this could have just been a nice hurt/comfort fic.

Teambuilding

More trans Taliyah (more on that later)! This time, it’s Star Guardians. Still with Kai’Sa, though. Not much to say about this one, I’m happy with how it turned out.

Before Her Eyes

I wanted to write a threesome in the Caught universe, and decided to set it partially in the Virtuosity timeline. I’m happy with this, I think it has some nice emotion and some pretty hot smut. I think I was in a rush to finish this though, as I think I could have done a better and longer version of the smut.

I’ll Always Catch You

I love you, I hate you.

This was originally intended to be a smut oneshot, funnily enough. It’s been the source of my highest highs and my lowest lows. Somehow getting 160k+ words from four voice lines in Legends of Runeterra is definitely a feat, although with how little there is about Liana, she is basically an OC at this point.

The name of the game with this fic is scope creep. I went in without an outline, and just started throwing in scenes and characters I thought were interesting without any thought for poor future Miss Pine who had to pay off those setups. A great example of this is the traumatic brain injury Liana sustains, which derails the entire plot for at least ten chapters while she recovers and develops coping mechanisms for her disability. In an effort to do her injury and following condition justice, I had to take a lot of time away from the main plot. There are several instances of stuff like this happening throughout the fic. My main regret is not reining myself in and forcing a more concise story. It’s self indulgent at times and plodding in others.

I learned so much from writing this fic, and I don’t think I’ll ever write something like this again. I’m just not interested in spending this much time and effort on something that isn’t my own creation. If I do something like this in the future, it will be all my own ideas.

There are only ten chapters left, and I am looking forward to finally getting this out of my head and off my mind. It’s been two years in the making, and I’m just tired. I can only hope the ending is satisfying for those who managed to stick around.

In the Clouds

One of my highest rated fics in terms of kudos, I am so proud of this one. I wrote it in one sitting based off a Tumblr or Reddit post I saw about an IT worker reading through someone’s fanfic they wrote on their work computer. I can’t find the post or I would link it.

But I really like the emotion and flirting in this one, I think this is the first time I really felt like I nailed the depiction of a relationship.

Lion and Rabbit, Sun and Moon

Another fic I really like, and the prototype for Loose Ends. While writing for Kinktober 2023, I wrote this one, and I liked it so much I needed the instant validation of posting it to AO3. So I did, and I got a really good response to it, which was a huge confidence booster. I think my conveyance of their emotions was good here, and this is the era where I basically have the mechanics of smut down, but needed to lock in with the emotion part.

Wolf and Lesson Learned

So Kinktober 2023 begins. I wanted to practice smut, and I like having a prompt, so I decided to try Kinktober out. This was my first fic. The prompt was pegging, and I wanted to do M/F for a reason I couldn’t remember. So I did Lawrence and Holo from Spice & Wolf. I think this one is okay. Nothing special.

Reciprocity

More trans Taliyah, strange… I wanted Kai’Sa’s symbiote to come up in this fic, so I came up with the concept that she had been wounded and couldn’t get her legs wet. I like this one! I think the concept works well, even if Kai’Sa’s chest is probably a little too small to properly titfuck someone lol.

In Hot Pursuit

The first of the Across the Desert trilogy, I wanted to go back to antagonistic Sivir/Taliyah. I was unsure about making Taliyah be the dominant top in this situation, as I was very cognizant of transfem stereotypes and didn’t want to play into them (more on that later). I like this one, it was one of the first fics I wrote where they weren’t explicitly in a good relationship.

Missed Opportunities

My first Signalis fic! Love this game so much, I wanted to write fic of it. However, the prompt for this one was “rimming”, and my concept had it being their first time together. And rimming someone for her first time is kind of wild to me, but I think I capture the emotions well enough to offset that weirdness. I also really enjoyed writing the mind-meld portion. I do the Ariane/Elster first time concept much better later.

Self Affirmations

Hm… More dysphoric Taliyah… Strange… (more on that later). It’s pretty simple. Taliyah improves her self image by fucking herself in a dream. That’s it. That’s the fic.

Wanting More

I was at a loss for a good concept for this one and fell back on Lux/Katarina. I’m not very happy with this one. It was rushed and phoned in. It’s really just filler for Kinktober 2023.

Adrift in an Ocean of You

My sweetest Signalis fic, this is what their first time should have been like. I’m really happy with this one, I had a fun time writing the mind meld and dissociation during sex. I don’t think I learned much, I think this was just a well executed piece of smut.

A Little Inspiration

Standard smut for Kinktober 2023. I really like using non-human anatomy in smut, so this one features some tail pulling, which is awesome.

Invitation Accepted

Back to the Lillia/Yone mines. This was based off some art I found on Pixiv, but the user has since deleted their account and I can’t find a link to it anymore. Anyway, I just wanted to write a centaur (in this case, cervitaur) handjob. That’s it. Sequel to Coeducational.

Our Fearless Leader

I really like the Ahri/Miss Fortune Star Guardian ship, and I was partially inspired by Bad Idea by your_devil_salem. This was one of my first interactions with praise kink, which has become something I’m very into.

Patience, Puppy

More transfem Taliyah, and a much better exploration of pet play. I don’t have much to say about this. Another entry in Kinktober 2023. More smut practice.

Vignettes of Vineta

I love Signalis, and my favorite Replika unit is Kolibri. And since Kolibri units are tiny and Storch units are huge, they were the perfect picks for a size difference fic. I experimented with a different structure for this fic. Instead of one continuous story, I used short passages detailing the development of their relationship over time. Since this was for Kinktober, I didn’t have time to actually go into detail, so short little glimpses of their life is what I could afford to write.

I think it works okay. There isn’t enough to really get to know the characters or their relationship, but still enough to get somewhat invested. I think the embedded image at the end of the fic is very important for the tone of the fic and the way Signalis tells its story. A little cliche and dramatic, but I think it adds to the fic more than distracts from it.

The Right Dress

Here we go… Another egregious one. This fic is literally just Taliyah grappling with dysphoria. Here I am, soooo cis (more on that later), writing a portrayal of gender dysphoria. I did a lot of research for it, and was really nervous posting it because I wanted to get it right.

At the time of writing, it was just another fic. But now, it means a lot to me. It was one of the first times I was truly aware of my gender and how I felt about it, even if I didn’t realize it at the time. While I think I could do better now (it uses some cliches I’m not a fan of), I’m very fond of this one.

You Have To Ask For It

Another forgettable Kinktober fic. I don’t have anything to say about it.

Playing in the Snow

My first time writing temperature play! At first, I thought it was just ice and stuff, but I did some research and read some fics and was inspired by Shyvana being a dragon and generating her own body heat. So this was a fun experiment into a kink I had zero experience with, and another exercise in figuring out what was hot (haha) about it.

Under One Freljord

A follow-up to Balance of Power, partially inspired by a comment on that fic and by Night Watch by SolarPoweredFlashlight, a great voyeurism-centric Ashe/Quinn/Sejuani fic.

Be Careful Kolibri!

More Signalis, more Kolibri. With Kolibri units’ bioresonance, I thought about the concept of a near-infinite pleasure feedback loop and what it would feel like if you could experience the physical sensations of every participant in an orgy.

Embarrassingly, a commenter pointed out that I described the POV character’s toes curling at some point, and Replika famously do not have feet! Or toes! Oops!

This one was a challenge in writing an orgy and keeping track of all those limbs and mouths. Definitely some more good smut practice.

Visual Learning

An obscure pairing from Legends of Runeterra. I think this fic is just okay. It doesn’t do much with the prompt, and I’m not too happy with my execution either. Filler fic, unfortunately.

Trying Her On

More Star Guardian trans Taliyah. And this one with even more dysphoria (more on that later)! I had an idea inspired by Taliyah’s story in the Another Sky visual novel in the client during the Star Guardian event. This is the result! I’m pretty happy with it. I think I could have done better with exploring the uniform kink aspect of it though.

A Good Day’s Work

Really not happy with this. I think the concept is solid, but the execution is too short and lacking detail or any real emotion. Filler.

Hunger of a Different Kind

One of the few Monstress smut works to exist lol. The only characters I liked that could include tentacles were from this comic, so this fic happened. It’s okay. I don’t really feel anything about it.

Thighs

Thighs.

A Short Hike

I like the setting and sweet emotion in this one, but other than that, it’s pretty forgettable.

Costume Change

My last M/F work, and reading it can make it pretty obvious why. I was having more Gender Thoughts™ at this point and was indirectly looking for an outlet, I guess. I don’t remember a lot of writing this. It’s kind of weird. Forgettable.

In the Demon’s Den

Some canon universe Akali/Evelynn smut, and my first time writing dub-con. I was a bit uncomfortable with that aspect, but I think the fic is good. Not very memorable, but well executed.

Unexpected Delay

Filler. I’m not happy with this one. Nothing to say.

Before the Party’s Over

I was inspired by Backseat Riding by RogueEmbrace and wanted to write some car sex. It’s a sequel to In the Clouds. I don’t have a lot to say about it.

Against the Cult of the Void

This one made me sad. I really like the old Drizzt books, read the hell out of them as a kid. This was my attempt at recreating the feeling of those books, but it didn’t really get the reception I wished it would. My motivation to write is tied to engagement (really unhealthy outlook, I know), and my will to write this story kind of fell off a cliff after chapter two. I’m still glad I finished it, it was a good lesson in sticking with something to the end, even if it’s not your favorite. Good lesson in discipline.

Bird in the Jaws of a Fox

I like this one! More predator/prey, which I love, and very vaguely inspired by a weird (but fun!) fic: That’s an Earful by AQA473. Really just the ship. But I love writing a good chase followed by rough sex. I sometimes reread this one just for fun.

Secrets Laid Bare

I really don’t know what happened with this one. It was day 29, I was getting tired. I threw something together, and somehow managed a somewhat tense scene between Lux and Swain? I don’t know, this is a weird one. Not too proud of it.

Old Gods of Cascadia

I had an idea for some folk-ish horror set in the Pacific Northwest, and this was a stab at horror. I’ll be honest, it’s bad. I’ve thought about deleting this work. Okay concept, awful execution. I really need to practice horror.

Women Want Her, Beds Fear Her

I wrote this in a haze in an hour. It’s just hornyposting, but feeling a bit different now (more on that later). I had fun writing some bed-breaking sex.

Clever Sounding Pun

I did a ton of research on sounding, and wanted to mix it up with having the person receiving have a vagina instead. Partially inspired by a scene in Trials in Tainted Space, a porn game lol.

Allez!

I’m really disappointed with myself for this one. I love the concept, but my execution fell flat because of scope creep and burnout. The first two chapters had some good build-up, but I had to rush and summarize the third because I lost interest and motivation. I really wish I could do this fic concept justice, I think there might be potential to return to it someday.

I learned a lot about burnout and scope creep from this fic, but it took me a long time to really internalize those lessons.

Peaches

A depressing fic I wrote because I was in a bad mood. I split it into two chapters for dramatic effect. I like the emotions here and the peaches imagery, but think I could have done better. Feels a little teen-angsty, and in a bad way.

Eyes on Me

More larger character submissive propaganda. Not much to see here. First time I had safeword use, I think.

The VIP Experience

Hornyposting. Pure, unbridled hornyposting. Teamfight Tactics set 10 came out with some Superfan skins for Neeko and Lillia, and the horny thoughts took over. Kind of a cursed fic, but I’m still proud of how I executed the orgy. Those can be hard to do.

Loose Ends

Doomed from the start… I never should have started this fic… A continuation of Lion and Rabbit, Sun and Moon, it’s a LeoDia spy fic. It was my first time experimenting with a split POV, and I was inspired by Joe Abercrombie’s prose in The First Law trilogy. The way he changes his voice depending on the POV character is really cool, and I tried to emulate that in this fic. Halfway through, I slip and it goes back to normal. I learned a ton from this fic about planning, scope creep, and discipline. This fic would have hugely benefited from an outline, but I’ve had bad experiences with them in the past and was averse to them in general until very recently. I’m very proud of the first few chapters of this fic, but think it declines sharply in quality towards the end. I wish I could have done the concept justice.

A Squire’s Duty

Some Quinn/Shyvana smut. Filler.

The End of a Memory

I really like Kindred as a character, and wanted to feature them in a fic in a way that did their character justice. I think I could have done better, but I like the concept.

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– – Interlude – –

Well, well, well. To my surprise, I’m trans!

It’s pretty obvious in retrospect, but honestly I felt kind of gross when I first started writing all this smut. I thought I was fetishizing F/F relationships and transfems, but… now I know that’s a common sentiment among trans people. Writing fic honestly helped me work through so many gender and sexuality thoughts. If I never started writing, I think it would have taken me many more years to finally realize. All the research I put in to properly depict transfem people in smut helped crack my egg much faster than anything else could.

So I’m pretty grateful for fic, and I’m also grateful for those who take time out of their days to read my stuff. While I don’t put a lot of myself in my work most of the time, some of them really mean a lot to me. It’s been a really rewarding hobby, and has been the source of a lot of positive change in my personal life.

Looking back on some of these fics with this in mind is very funny though. How the fuck did I write Second First Time or The Right Dress and still think I was cis?

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Well I seem to have hit some sort of word count limit. So this is the end of part 1.

Part 2