#once a 12 year old directly asked me if i was gay in front of a ton of people and i was like. i had to have a convo w them immediately

[charmac]

thoughts on the people harassing glenn and rob on twitter from the macden fandom? they gave us so much s16 and ppl throwing it in their faces by tagging them and asking if they hooked up irl

Context:

Don’t care how famous they are, how old they are or how married they are, it’s literally never okay to directly tag and try and out someone. You said it, that’s harassment.

And what’s the end goal here? Like at best they don’t see it and you just look like an asshole, at worst they do see it and feel extremely fucking weird about it. At like, extreme worst, if either of them are queer, you drum up enough weirdos to back you (the Heartstopper kid situation) and you force one of them to out themselves.

This pisses me off the most because, like, it’s all fun and games to call MCD their ‘failsonas’ or whatever, but Glenn especially hates people comparing him to Dennis. How is this any more ‘ok’ than commenting on instagram that he’s D.E.N.N.I.S. System-ed Jill? (Hint, it’s really not). In both cases, it’s people trying to apply the character to the actor to entertain themselves and justify their fantasies of Glenn’s real life. Dennis is not. Glenn.

Again, what’s the end goal here? Like what’s the ideal situation you get out of this if one of them sees this and, god forbid, responds? This is such an icky sticky thing to even want to touch on publicly.

So they give us gay content and in return they get Reddit complaining about it and Twitter demanding they ‘admit’ that they’re actually gay themselves. Huh. Wonder why we haven’t gotten anything explicitly gay on screen from Mac yet? Huh. What a mystery?

[gunpowderdtim]

One of those guess the mechs posts

Featuring the lovely @frog-man-says-gay-rights​

and his weird magic ablities to get eerily close to reality.

EDIT: the toy soldier vanished??????????? I have the image description as proof it was here????? Regardless its back now

[Image Id:

The first image is a photo of gunpowder tim. He is a white man with long, brown hair, goggles on his forehead, and black marks around his eyes. He's holding a guitar, with bright lights behind him giving him a red glow and a flash that gives him red eyeshine. There are screenshots of discord dms reading: "Dave, mildly feral. maybe the brains of the operation?" and "bro what did the moon do to you?"

The second image is of Jonny D'ville. Jonny is a white man with with mid-length blond hair. He is screaming into a microphone. There are screenshots of discord dms reading: Ryan. i dont wanna say peak feral in case i meet someone more feral but definitely feral. has 1-3 brain cells. murdered a man in 2002 but it does not haunt him bc he does not remember. and hey isnt that the guy that writes the magnus archives.

The third image is of Drumbot Brian. Drumbot Brian is a white man wearing golden metaliic facepaint to simulate metal, with drawn on silver streaks to dictate where the metal plates end. Brian has curly orange hair, a beard, and a hat with goggles on it. He is smiling. There are screenshots of discord dms over him, they read. (over the hat) “oh thats a kickass hat” and “Brian, or Ben. cant decide but it definitely starts with a B. a little bit feral but only bc he hangs out with those other two, like a feral sponge. definately the brains of the operation. gives off Sciencey vibes, he seems smart. 5-10 brain cells.” and “ could also be a William “

The forth image is of Raphaella La Cognizi. She is a blond  white woman bathed in blue light.She is wearing a red dress and has metal wings with blue fairy lights strung on them. She is holding a microphone. There are dicord dms. They read “pretty!!“ and “Janet? or Jane. she gives off UwU flower crown vibes but she could probs kick my ass in a fight. i cant tell how feral she is, id give it a 7/10 on the feral scale. 3-6 brain cells“

The fifth image is of Ivy Alexandria. Ivy is a white person with short dyed red hair shaved along the sides. She stares directly into the camera, ominously. She sits on a playground, and is holding a yellow book. The Discord dms read “looks kinda like Poison Ivy from the DC universe so I'll call her Ivy. i honestly could not guess a name for the life of me. very feral. once fought a 12 year old over a granola bar. will absolutely do it again. maybe 2 brain cells on a good day” and “she looks like she'd kill me over a dirty look, i want to befriend her”

The sixth image is of Nastya Rasputina. Nastya is white and has brown, shoulder-legnth hair. She wears a blue coat and has a wrench at her side, and has glasses. The discord dms read “Anna, or something that can be shortened to Anna. can and will kill me. not very feral,, but just enough to make your day slightly more difficult. the number of brain cells fluctuates” and “oh thats a kickass name”

The seventh image is of Ashes O’Riley. They are a black person and wear a fedora with a red ribbon around the bace. They also wear a suit, and are wearing red feather earrings.They have a grey tie. The discord dms read “a very cool person with a very enby name, like Gunpowder or Smoke or smth. i love them with my entire soul. they want to go home, but will kick ass in order to. Smart, but also a dumbass” and “arson baby” in all capital letters.

The eighth image is of Marius Von Raum. He is a brown person wearing a green coat, with red cuffs, a mon-goggle. He had a beard and a metal arm. He is kneeling on the ground and smiling at the camera. The discord dms read "very feral. possibly peak feral. if you hadnt told me which one of them had blown up the moon id guess it was this fucker. absolutely chaotic. but also loving. no thoughts head empty heart full" and "oh I didn't guess a name. Hm. Alex."

The ninth image is of the toy soldier. Its a white person with an army hat, and a red and black suit coat with a black bowtie, a military uniform. It is holding a mandolin and standing in front of a microphone. There are screenshots of discord dms reading "doesnt have a name and is referred to with "that one" and "hey you" exclusively. little feral, but mostly babey vibes. very dumb, but trying their best" and "awww baby" and "I love it."

The tenth image is of Doctor Carmilla. She is an asian woman with short hair and a stripey shirt.She holds a stringed instrument, I think its a ukulele. The discord dms read “what a cool looking person” and “ he wants a hug but doesnt know how to ask for it so instead she pushes people away and is Aggressive. Marilyn. “ End id.]

[graphicabyss]

I watched The Falcon And The Winter Soldier and I liked it more that I expected, although frankly I didn't expect much. Overall, I love the setting, the cinematography and the character development. The director and the writers did an excellent job. But it also sent me down an emotional roller-coaster and that's the thing I really need to talk about.

I know there are countless rants about TFATWS, Endgame, queerbaiting and poor MCU narratives but I've never really been hanging out in the fandom until recently so for me it's my first one and I need to get it off my chest. It's gonna be long.

It was interesting to see where the show's gonna take things but start to end there was an elephant in the room. It doesn't sit well with me the way they completely sidestepped the Steve Rogers issue. Like, "we didn't make this mess, so we're not gonna go there". And it's just wrong. You can't just avoid the subject altogether and pass it on for future writers to handle. Also, you see Bucky so sad and lonely it breaks your heart. And this inevitably made me think about Endgame and Cap's storyline. I didn't feel like writing it all down after Endgame but now all these thoughts and feelings came up again and I need to get it off my chest. If they ended it all at Endgame, and I thought they did, it would have been fine, sort of. We'd forgive some loose ends. But they didn't end it there and that makes them fully responsible for this mess. I mean, I didn't hate Cap's ending. After all, it could have been worse. Steve could get together with Sharon like in the comics and they probably considered it at some point but the reactions were so bad they backed down and dragged Peggy along. Still, the ending just felt forced, no matter how you look at it. The thing is, if I knew about it after the first movie, I'd rejoice. But at this point, after everything that went down after, it just doesn't feel right.  I love Peggy and I can't deny the dance scene made me flutter a little but now I wish this was Steve's way to keep his promise before going back. In the end, Peggy would be fine without him. She had a good life, she made a career and a family. We know that thanks to Agent Carter. And we got many cues that Steve and Peggy's relationship, as important as it was, was over. Her saying goodbye to him by destroying the serum, him carrying her casket... Yet, Endgame effectively undermined that basically erasing all of these events from existence and making Peggy just a prize for Captain America.  On the other hand, Bucky needed Steve the most. And the show made it clear how bruised and broken he was. Bucky and Steve's relationship was the closest of any relationship in the MCU. At that point it was clear Bucky was everything to him, the only one who could truly understand him. Steve lost him many times and every time he fought to bring him back, no matter how impossible it seemed. When Bucky was captured Steve went into an enemy base alone on a suicidal mission and saved him and everyone else. That's basically how he became Captain America. Then Bucky got killed in the war and it devastated him. Bucky returned as Winter Soldier and there was hardly any Bucky left in him but Steve nearly let himself be killed because he needed to save him and he trusted that James would not hurt him. When Bucky finally got to his senses, there was an ultimate war going on and in the Snap James fell to dust in front of Steve's eyes. It took 5 years to get him back. And as soon as Steve succeeded, he left him, along with the rest of his traumatized friends and the world in deep chaos, to be with Peggy in 1940's, thus throwing 12 years of his life away. It just didn't feel right. That does a disservice to both Steve and Peggy's storylines. But it's not just about Peggy or Bucky. Steve going back and living his life to return to that park as an old man has opened a rift with a host of questions. I tried to get to the bottom of it but it got me nowhere.  According to Russo, when Steve went back he created an alternate reality. He also retired as Captain America. First off, I think he just made that up after to cover up the mess. If that was the case, Cap would return to the designated spot and not be sitting on a bench like he was waiting there all along. But, like, even if it was alternate reality, it could not be that different, right? He wouldn't just live in Peggy's basement, would he? He knew about the things to come like, you know, the HYDRA thing, and being the man that he was, he couldn't just sit and do nothing. Especially when Peggy was one of the founders of the SHIELD. Captain America or not, Steve would do everything to make this world a

better place. Also, if Steve went back after he crashed that plane, that means there's another Steve still locked in ice, which Russo confirmed. Even more importantly, in Steve's timeline Bucky is still with Hydra being tortured. There's no way he could leave him there. So much for the 'quiet life'. Then there are the writers of Endgame who claim that Peggy's two children are fathered by Steve. Really? That directly contradicts the earlier version that the father is a soldier Steve saved, which is shown in Agent Carter. Seriously, guys, if you're gonna make up random bullshit at least get your stories straight first.   Fans love to make all sorts of theories to try and patch up the holes but the truth is, MCU is not just one mastermind's creation and the comics weren't either. It's bound to be a mess because it's created by dozens of writers and directors and each phase gets increasingly messier because it has to fit in with the 547 previously released movies and shows. I get that and I applaud the effort of Endgame but they really can't expect us to get involved with the characters only to see them being treated as an afterthought. And the thing is, I thought that it might be just me but after a quick survey of the fandom I realized that a lot of people feel the same way. If you look at the comment section of nearly any relevant video, you're gonna get top comments saying all these things. If Marvel listened just once maybe things would make more sense. And all these thoughts aren't necessarily what I wanted to see, but what would be right for the characters. And while I do love Stucky, I'm a reasonable shipper and I really didn't expect them to be canon gay or anything, I just wished they had at least spent some time together not fighting, just healing and catching up on their lives. Honestly, I don't always like the way people ship m/m characters in every show but this time it was really more than justified. The whole storyline going through Winter Soldier and Civil War was just massive queerbaiting. It was undeniably a love story, romantic or not. "Why do you ship male characters?" some people ask. Idk, maybe if the writers put half the effort into developing m/f relationships as they do m/m ones and not just randomly throw them together I might care about them. And MCU was terrible with romance. That traumatic kiss Steve had with Sharon Carter? In the comics, Steve did love Sharon but who cares? In MCU they met, like, twice. Mostly after Peggy's funeral. Peak romance. If they had to pick a new love interest they could go with Natasha. They cared about each other, they bonded in TWS and they were both dealing with some difficult issues. But they became just good friends, which I loved. Instead, Natasha got together with Banner? And then there's Wanda and Vision, which seemed like the most random of pairings with no buildup whatsoever. The wonderful world of heteronormativity where a witch/robot couple comes before a gay one. And the thing is, I only recently learned that there's some legit leverage to portray Bucky as gay. Bucky is based on two characters from the comics. Bucky Barnes was Steve's teen sidekick, kinda like Robin, so this origin was too weird for MCU. Instead, the writers used the origin story from a character named Arnie. It was a boy Steve grew up with, a boy who protected him from bullies, and a boy who kept inviting Steve to these double dates. A boy who was gay. Which wasn't explicitly stated but was pretty obvious. And this was in 1984. So making Bucky gay would be neither woke nor against 'canon'. It would be way overdue.  So with TFTWS it was nice to see Bucky recover and bond with Sam but to me the whole ending also felt a bit excessively positive and this time the queerbaiting felt even more intentional, almost as if the writers wanted to distract the discontent fans with a new shiny ship so they forgot all the things they were mad about. Like, of course I want Bucky to be happy but also I hate the way the show's pushing the idea that he just needs to get over losing Steve and move

on with his life already because surely all his problems come from his inability to trust people and not trying hard enough, and not from being brainwashed and tortured for 70 years and then losing the only person who loved and cherished him.

[spaceskam]

follow up to this (ao3)

Alex couldn’t sleep.

Was it possible that Michael actually liked him? Like, like-like? They were close, yes, but Michael, for most of their friendship, felt tragically heterosexual. He was never grossed out by Alex and he was touchy with him, but that's just how Michael was. In fact, it only fueled Alex's understanding that be was straight. How can someone be so open and touchy without ever thinking about it unless they were straight?

Turns out, maybe he was thinking about it.

Alex remembered having a crush on him in high school for what felt like ages. He'd kept his hands and his feelings to himself, but he knew he wasn't subtle. The amount of times people assumed they were together was staggering and Michael never seemed to even care or notice.

Once they hit college and started living together, Alex realized if he didn't stop crushing on him, he'd get hurt in a way he couldn't come back from. So, as a last ditch effort to just see if Michael was interested, Alex had spent the summer after their first year of school laying it on thick. Michael never told him to stop, but he never asked for more. The amount of times they'd slept in the same bed, cuddled on the couch, shared drinks, saw each other naked, and everything else should've changed something if Michael wasn't fucking straight.

It'd been over a year and a half since they started that and, yeah, most of it had become apart of their friendship. But the key word was friend. Alex had dedicated his time to finding guys that would actually be interested in him. And it was nice. Alex liked being wanted in a way Michael had never wanted him. It made it easy not to think about it.

But now he just had to be interested.

Once it hit 8 in the morning and Alex had stressed himself out all night thinking about what that meant for his long buried feelings, he rolled out of bed to go get coffee. What if this was a fluke? What if he was trudging up Alex's old feelings for nothing and he just was friend-jealous that they weren't spending as much time together? Alex didn't want to go back to pining if this was just not real.

As he headed into the kitchen though, Michael was already up and dressed in a soft looking sweater and sweats, his hair all tousled from a night in bed. He was undeniably gorgeous and Alex suddenly felt like he needed to go put on a few layers to match his speed.

"Made you coffee," Michael said, handing him a mug as if he knew when Alex would be waking up. Instead of questioning it, Alex accepted it and held it between his palms.

If you looked past how cuddly he seemed, Michael was clearly a wreck. He had bags under his eyes and his shoulders were slumped. They needed to talk. How exactly did one start this conversation? Hopefully, not like the one the night before started. That had gone very badly.

"So, uh..." Michael started.

"You wanna sit down?" Alex asked. Michael nodded, so they headed to the couch. It was probably the farthest they'd sat on the couch from each other since they'd met. "So... Have you thought about it?"

Michael took a long breath, not looking directly at Alex as he tried to find his words. Alex sipped his coffee as he waited patiently.

"How did you know you were gay?"

"I don't think you can really compare your experience to mine," Alex said softly. Michael shook his head.

"I know, but tell me anyway."

"Okay," Alex said, giving him a warm smile, "Well, it wasn't really one moment. I think I always knew. I didn't look at girls like that. When I got a little older, I never had crushes on girls and I honestly didn't realize what I was feeling about boys were crushes until it was explained to me that that's what a crush was. So I was like 13 and realizing that what I was feeling wasn't normal. Not like it's wrong, just... A little different than everyone around me," Alex explained. Michael nodded and seemed to sink into the couch.

"When I was 12 in one of my foster homes, there was a boy there who I idolized. He was, like, 16, but I always wanted to be around him. I would get legit upset when he went out with friends because I wanted him to pay attention to me. Before I left, he got mad at me for wanting to hang out with him and called me gay and a bunch of other shit like that in front of everyone. I don't know if I really had a crush on him, but if I did, I think it scared me from ever realizing if what I was feeling towards other guys was, you know, sexual or romantic or something," Michael admitted.

Empathy for a younger version of Michael ached in Alex's heart. He knew how upsetting, if not legitimately traumatic, a reaction like that could be. Alex typically didn't show any type of affection unless he knew someone was okay with it for that reason. Still, that didn't stop the name calling that made him cautious in the first place.

"Then... What are you feeling right now?" Alex asked, pulling his knee up. Michael blew out a breath and lolled his head in Alex's direction.

"I'm feeling like I probably always had feelings for you but now they're just too big to ignore," Michael admitted. Alex didn't let himself smile, but it definitely bubbled under the surface. His stomach was tense with excitement.

"Yeah?"

Michael cracked a little smile as he looked up at the ceiling.

"I keep thinkin' about high school and how I thought you were so fucking cool, like I'd literally brag about knowing you. That maybe should've been an indicator," Michael suggested. Alex gave a small laugh and Michael's smile widened more. "Or that summer when I got sunburnt and you kept fuckin' squeezing my thigh. Did you know what you were doing? Because that used to really fuck with me and I didn't even notice. I never connected you touching me to me getting riled up even though that was literally the only cause there could've been."

"Um," Alex said, hiding his smile behind his mug, "Yeah, no, I definitely knew what I was doing. I spent that whole summer trying to see if you liked me back."

Michael looked over at him

"Liked you back? So you like me too?" Michael asked. Alex shrugged and sipped his mug.

“I haven’t really let myself think about you like that lately,” Alex admitted. Michael licked his lips and nodded. “But... maybe we could go on a date?”

Michael smiled like the sun had shined just for him. It felt like he’d come to terms with his changing sexuality all too fast. Or maybe it was simply because it was Alex.

“A date?” Michael repeated.

“Yeah,” Alex said, shrugging, “It doesn’t have to be, like, too different from when we normally go out. Honestly, nothing has to be different from how we act now in attempting to date each other. There’s just kissing and stuff involved.”

At that, Michael smiled wider.

“But, you know, if you’re not ready to go out in public on an actual date with another man, I get it,” Alex said. Michael shook his head, turning completely to face him.

“No, it’s okay,” he said, “Well, I mean, maybe if it was someone else. But people have been looking at us together for years, I’m used to it.”

Alex huffed a laugh, “Okay.”

“So,” Michael said, giving that flirty little smile that had never been turned on Alex before. It made his heart beat a little faster and he took another sip of his coffee. “You mentioned kissing.”

Laughter bubbled out of Alex and he shook his head.

“Oh no, we’re working up to that. You just realized you might be queer literally 12 hours ago. We’re not jumping into anything,” Alex told him. He gave a little bit of a dramatic pout.

“God, why do you have to be so responsible?”

“One of us has to be.”

Michael agreed with a shrug and sunk back into the couch, still smiling at Alex. It was sweet and warm and, honestly, Alex was glad to be a comforting person to come out to. He’d really tried to be. Besides, he this could really be the start of... Well, something.

“So, does this mean I no longer have to see you with other guys?” Michael clarified. Alex rolled his eyes.

“Yes, at least for now.”

That pout came back. “For now?”

“Yeah, if this works, then no other guys. If it doesn’t, then we’ll discuss,” Alex said, feeling himself get a little more serious as he looked at him, “If this doesn’t work out, I still want to be friends. You’re my best friend, I don’t want to be without you because we can’t work romantically.”

“I agree. That would suck,” Michael said. Alex held out his pinky.

“Pinky swear that whatever happens you’ll still be my favorite person,” Alex said.

Michael grinned and looped their fingers together. Alex could feel the hope radiating off him. He tried not to let himself get his hopes up, but...

“Pinky swear.”

[xxrainstormxx]

Save it Lover Boy. Spencer Reid x Reader (Save it for the Doctor Part 2)

(A/N: In this story it’s been a few months. I’m not great at focusing on the Romance part but there is a little more than there was last time. I really hope you guys enjoy!) Word count: 2,405 Part 1 (edit: my pleas for requests for stories are not reaching people so I will beg here. If you want a oneshot I’ll write it. Prompt or no prompt.)

After the incident with my sister, my life was flipped around for the better. I began to date Spencer, the team being unaware. I finished college and thanks to a few strings JJ and Aaron had pulled I was now the BAU's personal assistant. Granted, it was a unpaid internship so it was not very glamorous but it got me the experience I need, especially if I want to be apart of this specific team. I was the one who got coffee, filled out unrelated paper work, helped JJ set up stations and boards. I still hadn't quite gotten used to that sinking feeling when the phone rings. Or when JJ approaches your desk, or the photos. You never get used to not sleeping in your own bed, the hotels, no moments of privacy, the monsters, families loosing each other. Or the pictures, it's disgusting. I especially never got used to how numb all my friends were numb to it all at the end of the day. Especially Spence, he'd been through utter hell and yet he was still sweet and managed to smile. It worried me sometimes, how relaxed they could be at the end of the day. 

So, JJ and I were setting up everything on the board. I frowned at the woman on the board. Only one, we caught it just in time for it to become a murder. It made me sick to think there was a possibility we could save the 25 year old, but instead we were called in after it became a bigger problem which made me feel sick. How easily someone gets away with something until they commit the actual murder. This woman was a very lively person. She clearly didn't deserve what she had gotten. "Samantha Burkly" JJ said softly "Poor woman." She said and left to talk to the others leaving me sitting in the conference room just tapping away at the laptop provided. I was also little Miss Penelope Garcia's assistant so I was stuck digitizing files she didn't want to, and it fucking sucked dirty dick. Yeah, let that sink in. Anyway I felt a few pairs of eyes on me only to look up and see the team staring at me through the cursed window of the room. "What?" I rose a brow causing a few to look away Spencer's eyes lingering, he was waiting for something. I don't think either of us knew what so I blew him a kiss and a subtle wink making him look away turning pink. That same shade of pink when he found me innocent and began what I would come to know as a very normal rant. His epiphanies, or what I called "braingasms" (which he absolutely despised), would strike a chord 99% of the time, and the other 1% could be brushed off as "Reid being Reid" which kinda upset me. He was a damn genius and yet no one seemed to want to listen. Sure I hadn't been around as long a the others but I would sit and listen to Spence talk for hours when on dates, I would nod, as questions and get very thoughtful and honest answers. Sure they weren't always what someone would want to hear, but did anyone ever tell you it would be good news. Reid and I could also have a very thoughtful debate. Now was that normal for couples, no, probably not. But at least he had facts to back up his opinion, making it a real debate and not just some senseless argument that fell into pointless attacks on the other person leading to a fight and rough makeup sex. Which I wouldn't mind but it'd only been a few months, and didn't wanna make an uncomfortable situation we could easily talk through anyway. What was I doing? Right, paperwork. 

As I ended my very long side rant and staring into space while also staring directly at Spencer's ass, I turned to my computer. "You shouldn't stare at people baby cakes." I heard causing me to jump out of my damn seat. "I was staring into space. Jesus Derek you scared the shit out of me!" I cursed glancing to the man with his nose in a file I was digitizing, "Sorry hun. But we need a fresh pair of eyes" he said gesturing to a new less dusty file on the table in front of my computer. I recognized the face on the front as the same woman on the board. Her name written on the front clear as day. I knew what was inside and I was proud to have not seen it but now it disturbed me that my eyes were being referred to as "Fresh" in that way. It made me feel dirty and violated in a whole new way. "Why? You guys know this case inside and out. I'm just the intern." I said and snatched the older file out of his hand. I knew this poor case inside and out by now. Decapitation and sexual assault of the esophagus. Real nasty shit ya know? The woman was 22 and then a man was found two weeks later with the same thing. But the case went cold 7 years ago. It was sad. The woman's mother had killed herself and the man's father disowned his son assuming he was gay because a man did that to the literally gaping hole in his neck. It was one of the bigger case files full of dead ends. I had become intimately aware of all the details of the case, even the signature, something overlooked by the police because they thought decapitation and violation of the hole in the neck was it, and while rare that wasn't the case. It was a soft lipstick mark left on the victims hands next to the stamp of the club they went too. It was pink so very easily missed. "Because baby, you're gonna need to get used to this if you ever wanna be promoted. You can't react like you did back in January and vomit on the floor." Derek chided me softly "Fine, But you have to stop calling me baby, we aren't together. Also stop touching the files they're in alphabetical order and you're fuckin it up" I hissed smacking his hand away from another file at the bottom of the stack. "pissin me off Agent Moron" I wailed as he laughed at the new insult. I could literally feel Spencer's jelousy from the next room. It was honestly kind of cute but I could not be thinking of my boy's sweet face at the moment, I was about to see what really happened to poor Samantha Burkly. I took the new file off the table and opened it to the pictures and I was hit with a familiarity. "Derek this isn't funny. I was just looking at this file" I declared nonchalantly as I lobbed it back onto the table going back to the laptop "What the hell are you talking about?" He asked "that's a brand new file" He said "A red headed woman decapitated with semen in her esophagus and a pink lipstick mark on her hand next to it? That Hellen Barsly not the Burkly girl" I stated "You leave out Jason Green to make it more realistic?" I muttered never once looking up "Pin lipstick mark?" he questioned grabbing the file "I'll be damned there it is. You barely looked at it. That woman is Samatha Burkly" he blinked "Har har Derek" I hissed snatching the file and opened the file as Spencer walked in to listen. I barely acknowledged him because I was pissed at this point.

"I know the Banshee Hunter of West Point case better than my own fucking computer history" I said and held it up to the picture before being shocked as I saw that the decapitated woman was in fact Samantha. Right next to her living photo. "The what?" Reid asked, clearly never having heard of it. "Oh my god. OH MY GOD" I yelled and ran back to my seat pulling out all the files related to The BHWP case, I knew full well that this case was bigger than it seems. "Penelope has me on digital file duty and these cases caught my attention for some reason. The case went cold 7 years ago." I mumbled pulling up all the files that were back at the office in my desk as I'd finished them. I had a whole folder for all the connected cases, even ones where the M.O and victimolgy had changed. "The first murder dated back to 1970. A woman by the name of Jenny Boil had disappeared, she was 24 years old. Found decapitated in the middle of the highway her esophagus had been sexually assaulted. She had red hair with a soft pink kiss mark on her hand and her mouth had been stretched open like a banshee. And because her hair was red along with numerous victims leading up to the sudden coldness of the case. There are cases where the victimology changed completely or the M.O so the police never connected them or assumed they were copy cats" I rambled as I quickly set up a time line that ended with Samantha "and now hes back with the latest victim" I hit enter and the time line stretched across the screen victims all over the screen. "the pink lip stick marks. Originally they were thought to be remorse but I think this guy has some kind of fucked up chivalrous attempt" I squawked and pushed my chair to the whiteboard standing on it feeling eyes on me. I didn't know or care how many. I heard frantic flipping and click me. "This guy has over 100 known victims only 12 of them not red heads. Only 11% of his victims don't fit the victims and only 3 don't fit the M.O of the others making that 2%!" I yelled as if I was Spencer. I could feel my face turning red with adrenaline. "Now all of these cases 100 percent all have a kiss mark on the hand, same brand and color of lipstick, A frosted pink lipstick, 67 Peach Pink from the brand Nestacia" I wrote that down "And all these cases I noted have three different overlapping suspects" I said pushing Spencer out of the way of my computer and printed up their pictured and grabbed them hanging them up "Now!" I continued slapping the board "This man right here is no Biological male! His name is Tyler Grant a 59 Year old trans man! He couldn't have done it but that doesn't mean he couldn't have helped" I said noticing the whole team in the room. No one tried to interrupt because I assumed I looked batshit insane. 

I was right cause I caught my refection and my hair was everywhere now, I was sweating, and my pupils were shaking. I didn't care I was on a roll. "There is no plausible way the semen belongs to him!" I said "These also can't be a copy cat killer-" I began before being unceremoniously interrupted again "But how do you-" he began before i loudly shushed Spencer. "Save it lover boy! I'm getting to that! Lemme talk your turn in over" I said making him smile just a little "As i was saying, it can't be a copy cat killer because there was also another unnoticed factor! The strange shape of the lips! No one draws on their lips this way but the pallet is larger on one side than the other. The killer has a cleft pallet, which cannot be a coincidence!" I said "and as you can see! This man right here! Leston Nikolia has a cleft pallet. But because they never had proof he'd done it due to the overlooked lipstick marks he walked free!" I yelled circling him "And we don't talk about Henry for the simple fact that he is Impotent and was in jail during the last 7 murders before Samantha and he's dead now!" I finished and took a large inhale and sat down "the lip stick is enough reasonable suspicion to bring him in for questioning. He's a coward. He cannot face people head on and most likely has high anxiety and is easily paranoid it wouldn't be hard to get a correct confession." I panted "Reid! Is this what it feels like when you solve a fucking problem? I feel like my brain just had 7 orgasms" I wished sitting back "It was always circumstantial but now that there a new victim sitting in front of me I'm sure it was him" I wished taking more deep breaths "I'm going to call Garcia and see if I can get a fact check on everything." Aaron began making my heart sink, please please don't discredit everything I just gave you. "JJ can you get us a location? Reid get started on a warrant the minute JJ gets it, Derek get a game plan together, Prentiss and I will do more investing on this Nikolia guy, and (Y/N)." he finished turning to me. "Keep going over every file you have and see if you can connect anymore of these murders. Good work" He said and the team began to work. "Holy shit" I gasped and Spencer smiled at me "You might have just solved this case." He said kissing my forehead "and I'm so damn proud" he whispered. I was still riding my knowledge high, the adrenaline still pumping so not caring that we were at work, I kissed Spencer straight on the lips. He froze because we were still in a work setting but slowly kissed back. His lips were soft, we hadn't had a proper first kiss, just forehead kisses, cheek pecks, and occasional pecks on the lips if Spencer was feeling sausey. I just giggled pulling back "That was... so much at once. How does your brain do that all the time?" I asked "Mine's been doing it a lot longer. See you after work okay?" he whispered and went to do his job "Right. Work" I whispered and sighed turning to my laptop cracking my knuckles doing real work for the first time in my internship. Who knows, maybe me and Penelope could do this kind of thing together!

[inevitably-johnlocked]

CHRISTMAS FICS 2019 Pt. 2

(PART 1: Bookmarked Fics HERE)

Happy holidays everyone!! Here’s the promised Part 2 list for y’all!!! This one is all the fics I have RECORDED (not necessarily all the fic I have) on my To Read list (which I only started recently so I wouldn’t have to keep copy-pasting stuff from old Tumblr posts), and I would LOVE for y’all to add your own winter holiday themed fic recs onto this list if it’s not already here!! <3 This is the community gift to the community, and the more fics the better! Any holiday / observance welcome!! <3

Happy holidays, guys!! I hope these two lists help get you into the holiday spirit!! <3

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MARKED FOR LATER FICS

A Study in Pink Pyjamas by alexxphoenix42 (M, 1,628 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Est. Rel., Pink Pyjamas, Fluff, Cross-Dressing) – Sherlock hasn't been a fan of either Christmas or fancy pyjamas for a number of years, but John has a way of changing his mind about things.

Santa Knows by Itsallfine (T, 1,719 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Party, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff) – Sherlock and John both get exactly what they want from the Yard's secret Santa exchange. Pure holiday fluff.

He's an Angry Elf by Ewebie (T, 2,168 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Crack, Frosty, The Gingerbread Man) – Sherlock as a bad mall Santa and John as an elf... I make no apologies for this.

Santa Claus Is Going To Town by stravaganza (E, 2,253 w., 1 Ch. || Santa!John / Elf!Sherlock Costumes, Rimming, Rutting, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Oral Sex, Blowjobs, Sex in Costumes, PWP, Humour/Crack, Christmas) – herlock and John are invited to a Christmas party at the Yard. In costume! Sounds legit, right? Riiiight...

Impossible Things by A_Candle_For_Sherlock (G, 2,413 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Marriage Proposal, Christmas, Fluff) – He'd promised himself he'd do it before Christmas, because otherwise Mummy WILL ask, probably in front of John.

John Likes Christmas by Arcwin (G, 2,638 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Fluff, Kid Sherlock / John, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Nostalgia, Sherlock Holmes POV) – John likes Christmas. I fail to see why. This is where we find ourselves on this dreary, December evening in 221B. “Sherlock, but, it’s Christmas!” I sigh. “And what does that have to do with anything?”

The Biscuits May Look Terrible But At Least We’re Satisfied (E, 2,745 w., 1 Ch. ||  Established Relationship, Idiots in Love, Christmas, Fluff & Smut, Christmas Cookies, Jealous Sherlock, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Voice Kink, Dirty Talk) – The whole baking craze had started two days ago when Sherlock had casually mentioned that he hadn’t eaten his mother’s famous homemade Christmas cookies in years. Ordinarily such a comment wouldn’t have stuck with John, he knew Sherlock wasn’t close to his parents, but the touch of wistfulness in Sherlock’s voice had John calling Mrs. Holmes as soon as Sherlock was in the shower. An attempt at a Christmas surprise and a flirtatious client all lead to some loving Christmas smut.

The Case of the Frog Murder and the Disembodied Dog's Head by a_different_equation (T, 2,794 w., 1 Ch. || ACD Canon || Victorian, Period-Typical Homophobia, Christmas, Est. Rel., Hound of Baskervilles, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending, Romance, Fluff and Humour, Miscommunication) – The true story behind the Baskerville case, and its strange and rather queer conclusion via Christmas Cards.

The Old Town by a_different_equation (T, 3,573 w., 1 Ch. || Hans Christian Anderson Fusion || Magical Realism, Christmas, Fairy Tale Elements, Love Stories, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Museums, Sweet Sherlock) – Once upon a time there were two boys. This is the story how once upon December, they found the missing Christmas Spirit, true love and new beginnings. A Queer fairytale for all seasons.

New Memories by WhouffleLover24 (T, 4,072 w, 1 Ch. || Christmas, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Holidays) – “We all have memories. This is so you can capture new ones.”

i read your book, you magnificent bastard by a_different_equation (M, 4,145 w., 1 Ch. || Writer Sherlock AU || Coffee Shops, Bookstores, Alternate First Meeting, Epistolary, Love at First Sight, Romantic Comedy, Metafiction, Falling in Love, Sherlock Wears Glasses, Gay John, Matchmaker Mike, Storytelling, Christmas) – In which John Watson, recently returned from the war, buys a book in Mike Stamford's bookshop and Sherlock Holmes is a famous, openly gay, crime fiction writer whose hero is in need of a partner. Part 1 of the Magnificent Bastard!AU series

Knit Two Together by shinychimera (G, 4,726 w., 2 Ch. || Platonics/Friendship, Best Friends, Knitting, Christmas) – Sherlock Holmes can master any skill to which he sets his mind -- why should knitting a jumper for his best friend be any different?

Oh, Holy Night by sussexbound (E, 5,311 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Smut, Hand Jobs, Kissing, Fluff) – Sherlock manoeuvres them towards the bedroom and then lowers John carefully onto the bed. “Take off your shirt and trousers. We should wash the shirt, just to be on the safe side with the poison, and you’ll want the ice directly on the bruise, I assume.” John winces and rolls onto his uninjured side. “You just want me to get my kit off.” “Mmm, well it is Christmas Eve, and I have been a very good boy this year.” John’s eyes widen a little, as a smile teases the corner of his mouth. “True.” Part 6 of Home is Not a Place

Winter Ficlets by 221b_careful_what_you_wish_for (M, 6,239 w., 11 Ch. || Christmas, Fluff & Smut, Jealous John, First Kiss / Time, Marriage Proposal, BJ’s, Suit Porn, Domestic Fluff, Cuddling, Snowball Fight, Winter, Sherlock Cooking, Bed Sharing) – A collection of winter and holiday stand-alone ficlets.

It's Cold Outside by Salambo06 (E, 7,357 w., 1 Ch. || Mutual Pining, Cuddling, Snuggling, Frottage, First Kiss / Time, Bed Sharing, Miscommunications, Love Confessions) – John and Sherlock, Christmas night, the heat broke, add some shared body heat and (not so) accidental erections mixed with some miscommunication and awkwardness and, you guessed it, they’re sharing a bed.

if you like him so much then why don't you marry him by zigostia (T, 7,750 w., 1 Ch. || Teenlock, Oblivious John, Christmas) – Am I going to regret this? SH Not one bit. JW I’m going to regret this. SH

You Don't Need Wings to Fly by Laiquilasse (T, 11,326 w., 11 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Bullying, Angels, Suicidal Ideation, Christmas) – John, an angel, is sent from Heaven to help a desperate Sherlock Holmes by showing him what life would have been like if he had never existed.

2017 by 7PercentSolution, J_Baillier (T, 11,466 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Case Fic, Est. Rel., Angst, Mental Health Issues, Autism, Anxiety, Family) – Sherlock takes on a case that raises unexpected challenges, both professional and personal. Memories of times before John complicate matters. Part 9 of On Pins And Needles

Five Christmases that went wrong and one that didn't by love_in_mind_palace (M, 11,685 w., 6 Ch. || Christmas, Fluff & Smut, Domestics, Est. Rel., 5 and 1′s, Canon Divergence, Tooth-Rotting Fluff) – John isn’t sure about most of the things in his life. Except for the fact that he loves Sherlock, Sherlock loves him back and that after years of bad luck, he is getting the Christmas he always deserved.

Snowed In by Salambo06, WhatIfIAmInsane (E, 15,687 w., 5 Ch. || Christmas, Smut, Unilock, Alternate First Meeting, Anal, Bottomlock, Army!John, BJ’s) – Sherlock had everything planned out for months now. Today he would finally put an end to this case. Even if that meant keeping an eye on his suspect in a crowded, german airport on Christmas Eve. The same crowded airport John was waiting in for his final flight back home from his first deployment to Afghanistan, not at all thrilled by the prospect of spending Christmas with his possibly drunk sister. Although the airport was stuffed to the brim with holiday travelers and tacky decorations, he was enjoying his time alone, mostly. But then, snow began to fall.

Wonderful, Etcetera. by VictoryCandescence (T, 16,955 w., 3 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Alternate Timelines, Brotherhood, Homophobia, Suicidal Ideations, Mentions of Drug Use, Friendship) – Sherlock thinks everyone would be better off if he had never existed, including and especially himself. When he finds himself in a world in which his wish has been granted, he begins to think perhaps even he could be wrong – but it takes an unlikely chaperone to make him not only observe, but understand.

On the Table (Eventually John Watson's Favorite Christmas Story) by emmagrant01, numberthescars (E, 18,135 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Mild Angst, Fluff, Masturbation, Anal, Rimming, First Kiss / Time, Romance, Christmas) – Set after TRF. Someone's leaving John strange little gifts in the weeks before Christmas. But who could it be?

All I Want For Christmas by Mssmithlove (E, 19,508 w., 1 Ch. || Unilock, Mystrade, Christmas, Holmes Family, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Pining) – Taking Sherlock's platonic university flatmate home with him for Christmas can be a tricky business. Especially when he wishes their relationship wasn't platonic at all. Part 18 of Happiness Awaits

Home for Christmas by SilentAuror (E, 19,499 w., 1 Ch. || S4 Fix It / Post S4, Doctor John, Christmas, Glasses, Domestic, First Time, Slow Burn, Rosie) – It's been eleven months since Eurus Holmes happened, and just one since John and Rosie moved back into Baker Street at last. With Christmas just around the corner, both Sherlock and John are slightly baffled when Mrs Hudson decides to give them a slow cooker as a "house-warming present"...

Advent Calendar 2017 by Hotaru_Tomoe (E,  41,952 w., 25 Ch. || Not S4 Compliant, Fluff, Humour, Smut, Light Angst, First Kiss/Time, Est. Rel., Hurt/Comfort, Spanking, Christmas Party, Lingerie, Various Universes, Advent Calendar Fic) – My Advent Calendar, 25 one shots from 1st to 25th December, Christmas-ish themed.  Each story has its own rating. Part 23 of The English job

In Bed by Ellipsical (E, 46,922 w., 12 Ch. || Autofellatio, Vibrators, Rimming, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, Liminal Identities, Christmas, Sex Toys, Sexual Fantasy, Fingering, Jealous John, Therapy, Flirting, Texting, Fluff, Sherlock’s Violin, Anal, Est. Rel., Semi-Public Sex, Harry Watson, Communication, Coming in Pants, Spitroasting, Double Penetration, Dirty Talk, Internalized Homophobia, Self-Acceptance, Happy Ending, PTSD John, Coping Mechanisms, Angst, Hurt/Comfort) – It’s almost Christmas, John thinks, and this, this is bullshit. The epilogue to Guilty Secrets. Part 2 of Guilty Secrets

Raison d'être by AmphigoricSymphony and DemonicSymphony (M, 148,721 w., 21 Ch. || S3 Compliant, Sick Fic, Sherlock Whump, Protective John, Major Injury/Illness, Mentions of Past Torture, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation) – The missing months of His Last Vow, starting from Sherlock dropping in John's arms at 221B and carrying through the months of Hospital he endured. This is a study in emotional and physical trauma, striving to stick as close to the canon plot as possible. At Christmas Dinner, Mycroft asks why they are even celebrating. His mother's answer, 'Sherlock is home from hospital,' leads us to believe Sherlock was in hospital the majority of the time frame of his fall from shock at Baker Street, to nearly Christmas itself. We have no explanation for what John was doing all that time, so this is an effort to fill the gap. Part 2 of the Word Play series, Part 1 of the Reason and Ashes series

Extricate—An Ex Files Special by 7PercentSolution (E, 231,432 w., 41 Ch. || Not Johnlock, Sherlock/Victor Trevor, Unilock, Multiple POV’s, Drug Use, Classical Music, Chemistry, Slow Burn, Serious Injuries, Autism Spectrum, Bullying, Rugby, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sherlock Whump, Friends to Lovers, Protective Mycroft, Psychological Trauma, Christmas, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Sherlock’s Violin, Sulking, Late Nights, Sexual Identity, Social Awkwardness, Suicide, Homophobia, Clubbing, Big Brother Mycroft) –  When Sherlock met Victor, and what happened next. A backstory that explains why caring truly may not be an advantage. This follows ACD canon and ignores BBC season 4, allowing the two of them to meet while at University.

MFL WIPs

First Christmas by PipMer (T, 4,199+ w., 19/31 Ch. || WIP || Est. Rel., Friendship, Fluff, Humour) – It's Sherlock and John's first Christmas together as a couple. Written as an interconnected set of 221b's for the Sherlock December Ficlet Challenge.

John Watson's Twelve Days of Hiccups by ChrisCalledMeSweetie (E, 8,394+w., 11/12 Ch. || WiP || Hiccups, Experimental Cures, Digital Rectal Massage, Orgasm as a Cure for Hiccups, First Time, Humour, Crack, Friends to Lovers, Christmas) – For John Watson, being afflicted with an intractable case of hiccups was a source of intense irritation. For Sherlock Holmes — his mad scientist of a flatmate — it was a golden opportunity for experimentation.

Your Many Tendencies Series by apliddell (T, 52,222+ w. across 5 works || WiP || Femlock, POC Characters, Enby Character, Sherlock’s Violin, YouTuber John, UST, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Slow Burn, Domesticity, Fluff, Recreational Drug Use, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock’s Past, First Kiss, Love Confessions, John’s Family, Christmas, Anxious Sherlock, Hurt / Comfort, Institutional Racism) – John Watson returns to London after a long absence, somewhat the worse for wear. She meets Sherlock Holmes, and starts feeling excited about life again.

"Merry Christmas" I wrapped it up and sent it with a note saying "I love you" by starrysummernights (E, 135,132+ w., 30/31 Ch. || WIP, chapter missing? || Post S4, Slow Burn, Mary is Not Nice, Christmas, Fluff, Smut, Angst, Parentlock, Past Torture / Rape) – John has moved back into 221B with his daughter Rosie after Mary was killed, but things are not exactly comfortable between him and Sherlock. After everything that has happened, they are trying to become friends again...and maybe something more. What better time than the Christmas season?! Takes place after TLD.

The Good Morrow Series by greywash (E, 216,513 +w. across 5 works || WiP || Post-TRF Divergence, Horny John, Smut, Feelings, Negotiations, Christmas/Advent, Sherlock is a Mess, Relationships, Addiction Issues, PTSD, Therapy, Injury, Aging, Loneliness, Marriage, Family, Friendship, POV Second Person, Travel, Character Studies) – A post-S2 series where everyone has a lot of feels about everything and plausibility is stretched unto breaking. Also: fucking.

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AGAIN, PLEASE suggest your own or your favourite holiday fics!! The more, the merrier!!! <3

[kneebleed]

saturn

Summary: You come back on every dream that I have, and I always fall for you again.

Word count: 2265

Note: this was supposed to be based on the song "son pololos" by 31 minutos but it ended up being more based on the song "saturno" by pablo alborán than something else. sorry.

PS: Please please please go to check out this post and donate if you can.

AO3

For the longest time of their lives, Dan and Phil have always been going to the same school. They were neighbours too. Going to the park so they could play something together was their favourite activity; they enjoyed all those hours that they spend running around their neighbourhood, or just laying on the grass to watch the clouds.

At some point, the clouds vanished, and the friendship that Dan and Phil formed over the years disappeared just like them; they saw the other non-stop for years until one day, one of them decided to stop the routine that they had build over time.

Dan started to feel weird when he was around Phil, and he didn't know what that meant. Dan was only 12 years old, and there was something inside him that wanted to kiss Phil and Dan just wanted it to stop, and the only viable way that he saw that he could do that, was distancing himself from him; the thing that Dan didn't know, was that Phil had the same feelings that him.

So that's how Dan and Phil went from best friends and neighbours for life, to only be neighbours and see the other on the hallways of their school.

Their parents and classmates couldn't understand it. They thought that the pair fought for one of their toys or something; "Surely they'll fix whatever problem they have soon," the oblivious have said, but oh how wrong they were. It has been five years since that fight that they thought that Dan and Phil had, and since then they haven't exchanged a word besides hello.

In all honesty, they miss the other. Dan regrets stop talking to Phil, and the last-mentioned regrets not asking for reasons why. They broke the other apart without realising, and they broke the other's hearts without meaning too.

Now, they have other friends, and funny enough Dan's friends are friends of Phil's friends, and they have been trying to make them talk again, but Dan and Phil realised of their attempts, and they rejected every invitation to hang out outside the school in fear of seeing the other.

"Have you talked to Phil yet?" asked Dan's mom one day.

"No, mom."

"Honey, it has been five years, why you don't try to fix things?"

"How? I don't think that I can fix this, not at all."

"Surely there's an exit for all of this drama."

"It's not a drama, mom. We didn't fight, I just- I just didn't want to talk with Phil anymore."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to talk about that."

Dan put a final point into the conversation, and his mom didn't know how to write a subtitle to keep the conversation going. Karen felt like that was how Phil felt too; left alone outside of their house asking if Dan was home.

***

Five years ago, there was a knock on the Howell's residence; Dan was the first one to hear it since he was on the lounge, but he didn't go to open it, he didn't even move an inch; Karen was the one that went to attend the door after the third knock. Dan looked at her and said:

"Please, don't tell him that I'm here."

"What?"

"Is Phil, I know that's him. Don't tell him that I'm here, please."

"Daniel..."

"Please."

How could Karen tell Phil the opposite of what her son told her to say? Dan looked sad and desperate, so Karen didn't have any more options that lie to her son's best friend. And at this point in her life, she regrets not asking what happened or even try to intervene.

So Karen went to attend the door, looked at Phil directly at his eyes, and said that Dan wasn't home, that he was with his grandparents and that she didn't know when Dan would come back. Phil believed her, and he came back the next day and the day after that, and all the times that he knocked on the door, Karen always went to attend it and say that Dan wasn't at home.

After a few days, Phil stopped asking for Dan. Phil thought that Dan realised that he had feelings for him and didn't want to speak with him ever again, so Phil didn't try to go after him anymore.

***

Something that became part of Dan's routine after he decided that stay away from Phil could eradicate his feelings, was looking through the window of his bedroom; the window faced the front door of Phil's house and the window of Phil's bedroom. Dan did this to know if Phil was okay or if he kept trying to reach for him. Put a subtitle to their issue, or just write another chapter.

There was a day were Phil looked over at Dan's bedroom, and Dan looked back. There was sadness in their eyes. Dan put his right hand on the window like he was trying to reach for Phil, and Phil smiled like he wanted to do the same. That memory's something that's only for them, and they haven't talked about it yet.

They should have stopped not seeing the other since then, but Dan still felt things for Phil, just like the last-mentioned felt things for Dan. They see the other every day at school, so stop the tremble of their hands in the need to hold the other was impossible. That funny feeling was still on their belly bottom, and Dan wishes that he could swim into Phil's eyes for the rest of his life.

There's this thing that Phil does that Dan doesn't know about, and maybe it's better that way; but ever since Dan started to play the piano on the school's music room, Phil sat outside of the room so he could listen to Dan move his fingers on top of the keys.

"What are you doing?" said Benjamin, one of Phil's friends, the day that he found out about the thing that Phil was doing after school.

"Shh, he could hear you," answered Phil back.

"Is Daniel Howell?" Phil didn't answer this time, "Why are you hearing him?"

"I never said that it was him."

"But you didn't answer," and Phil didn't open his mouth again, "why?"

"This is the closest to him that I ever felt on five years," Phil looked at Benjamin with a sad smile and then put his head against the door again, "I just like to hear him play."

"But why do you stay outside?"

"Because I don't want him to stop for me, not again."

"What do you mean?" Benjamin sat beside Phil to give him company.

"You won't understand it."

"Try me," and Phil did.

Benjamin heard about how devastated Phil felt when Dan's mother told him that Dan wasn't at home for a week, even when Phil himself saw Dan on the park playing on the swing. Phil said to Benjamin that surely Dan knew about Phil's feelings, and Phil truly believes that that's why Dan doesn't talk with him anymore.

The thing here is that Benjamin thinks that Dan didn't stop talking with Phil because of that; Benjamin is aware of how Dan looks at Phil when the last-mentioned isn't looking. Dan looks at Phil like he has all the answers to every question that the world can hold. Benjamin can't tell that to Phil though; it isn't his place to speak about it, so he leaves the conversation there and just listen to Dan play.

A week after Benjamin and Phil's encounter, a boy starts to flirt with Dan.

At first, Dan didn't react because he wasn't interested, but then a thought came to his mind, and he decided to give it a go. If he starts to feel things for this guy, then his feelings for Phil could disappear, and that was the only thing that Dan wanted to happen.

So, Daniel Howell and Peter Tickner started to hang out more every day that passed, until one day they were holding hands, and Phil couldn't believe it. For his entire life, he thought that Dan Howell was straight, and now it turns out that he liked boys, and for some reason, Phil thought that this was the perfect opportunity to speak with Dan again.

Since they shared some classes, Phil decided to sit close to where Dan usually sits in hopes to establish a conversation. If Dan sits somewhere else, Phil won't try to talk to him like that; he doesn't want to do something that could tear them even more apart. Thankfully, Dan doesn't change his usual spot.

Phil studs-up trying to look cool, or maybe trying to flirt, Phil isn't sure about that; he gets more closer to Dan, and he tries to start a casual conversation after five years of not doing so.

"Goodmorning, Howell," Dan chuckled on response.

"Why so formal, Lester?" Dan looked up, and he regrets doing so; it took one look onto Phil's eyes and he's gone.

"We haven't talked that much; I don't feel like we could be informal like before," ouch.

"We don't, don't we?"

"I think that we should."

"I don't know, Phil, it's been a long time."

"We could try, though."

"Maybe," Dan smiled, and Phil smiled back.

"So..."

"So?"

"Boyfriend."

"Excuse me?"

"You, boyfriend."

"You mean Peter? Well, I wouldn't call him my boyfriend, to be exact."

"It's that so?"

"Yeah, I mean- he's nice but..." he isn't you.

"But?"

"I think he's not my type."

"Do you have a type?"

"Why are you asking?"

"I just want to know, we never talked about it," I want to know if I'm your type.

"Weird," you're my type, Phil.

"Just like you, mister fire."

"Shut up."

When the class was about to start, Phil sat on the spot beside Dan, and they kept talking writing notes on a paper; their friends watched them on the distance, and they felt slightly proud to see them talk again after so many years being apart.

The next days, Dan and Phil started to build the relationship that Dan broke five years ago; the last-mentioned was so determined to get over Phil, he began to flirt with other guys once he finished his relationship with Peter, whatever that was. And Phil doesn't understand what has got into Dan's head.

Phil was right there trying to flirt with Dan, and the last-mentioned didn't even show any sign of realisation. Phil was trying his best, and Dan wasn't responding. What was even Dan's type? The only connection between all of these people was that they were boys, is Dan even gay? Phil doesn't know; maybe it was Phil's fault for not looking gay enough, probably if he puts enough effort into his style of clothes, Dan will realise that Phil was very homosexual.

The thing was that Dan knew the meaning of Phil's actions, but he didn't feel like Phil was flirting with him because something inside him was telling him that no way in hell Phil would try to flirt with him.

Their group of friends were getting desperate; they could see how Dan and Phil looked at the other, but they didn't know what they could do to help Dan and Phil realise that their feelings were reciprocated, but then, an idea came to Alex's mind.

Alex's idea consisted of making Dan and Phil hang out with each other on a date without them knowing, just like they tried to do to make them talk again, but with a more effective response from both parts, hopefully.

Dan's response was okay, the same as Phil's, and with both of their confirmations, the plan started to role.

All of them went to Benjamin's house because his parents were nice. They bought alcohol to try and make Dan and Phil talk more than usual, and what better opportunity to try out their theory that with never have I ever?

The game started easy, a few dumb questions of if they have peed the bed or not, and then Alice started to say the things that they needed to make Dan and Phil realise about what was going on.

"Never have I ever, have a crush on my best friend," at that, as what expected, Dan and Phil drank at the same time.

"What?" said Phil, looking directly at Dan.

"What what?"

"You drank."

"No shit, Sherlock."

Alex made the signal that they have planned to do, and their friends started to leave the room quietly without Dan and Phil noticing, so these two kept talking about the fact that they have drunk.

"Dan, you drank."

"Yeah, I know."

"Dan, are you listening to me?"

"Yes, I am, what do-- oh."

"Yeah."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?" Phil got closer to Dan.

"Because I have a crush on you."

"And why would I be mad about that?"

"Because I ruined everything, I ruined it again, and I'm sorry."

"Dan..."

"Do you remember when we-- when I stopped talking with you?" Dan looked at the floor, and Phil didn't give a response, he just let Dan keep talking, "I did it because I was feeling things for you, and I didn't want to lose you if told you how I felt."

"You are an idiot."

"What?" Dan looked up.

"I drank too."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yup."

"So am I your crush?"

"You are."

"Okay cool."

After that, Dan and Phil kissed, and they are sure that they heard one of their friends screaming with joy, but they won't talk about that.

[thinkyoureholy]

Opposites Attract [5]

.

.

.

Pairing : Park Jimin / [Fem] Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Language, Fluff, Smut, Enemies to Lovers! AU, Fantasy! AU

Words : 2.7k

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6. Pt 7. Pt 8. Pt 9. Pt 10. Pt 11. Pt 12. Pt 13. Pt 14. Pt 15.

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

-Y/N’s P.O.V-

“What do you want to work on first?” Hoseok asked, coming over to stand in front of me.

I straightened up, cracking my neck, “Defense. It was the first thing you said I lacked in and after going up against Jimin I realized it was true. My attacks aren’t even that good either. Besides, a good offense is a good defense right?”

He looked at me with a blank look on his face, “Who are you and what have you done with Y/N?”

I rolled my eyes at his words,punching his arm lightly before getting serious once more. I looked down at my hands, little droplets of water forming on my fingertips, “I want to get stronger…but I don’t want to use that power. Dad rarely used it unless he needed too and I don’t want to rely on it. Seokjin was right, I cause more harm with it.”

“I didn’t think you’d mature this much in just a few weeks.” A voice said, interrupting us.

I turned to the sound of it, already knowing who it belonged to. Namjoon and Seokjin walked in, their protectors following behind them.

“I see why she never likes to see you, you’re always using that condescending tone with her.” Mana said, giving me a nod as a greeting.

I gave her the same greeting but with a small smile playing on my lips, getting one in return. She was one of the only ones to dare to put Seokjin back in his place, though the rest of us tried she was the only one he was willing to listen to. He meant well but he was never good with his words.

“Before you all get into it don’t you think she ought to show her gratitude to Namjoon first? He is the one that saved her after all...since she couldn’t save herself.” Inori said, glaring over at me.

Before I could even say anything to her Hoseok stepped up, his face serious, “Joon I thought I told you to keep her quiet around me if she’s not going to say anything worth listening to.”

“Why you little-”

“Inori,” He said, cutting her off, “I didn’t save Y/N expecting a thank you so don’t ask for one in my place.”

“Namjoon I-”

“I know you meant well and you always do but I’m not like my brothers. I don’t do things expecting something in return. I don’t want you asking for such things ever again am I clear?”

She hesitated for a moment before bowing her head and taking a step back, “Yes sir.”

We all stayed silent for awhile, not knowing what to say after that. Namjoon wasn’t the type to show off his power and to see him use that power to bring Inori down was a bit of a shock. He had always been the type to just let her run her mouth, being the laid back person he was but today she must’ve said something he didn’t like. Come to think of it this was the first time she was demanding us to thank him, every other time she’d open her mouth it was for other things. But this times she was right unlike before.

“Namjoon...as much as I hate to admit it she’s right. I owe you a thank you at least. Hoseok told me my ice had thinned out so bad if you didn’t pull me out when you did I’d be dead. So thank you, I owe you big time.”

He smiled softly at my words, giving a shake of his head, “You don’t own me anything. This is your life we’re talking about, I’d do the same again if I had to...just like I know you’d do the same for me. We’re friends after all, isn’t that what friends do?”

I couldn’t help let out a chuckle at his words, nodding. Before any of us could get another word out Hoseok spoke up again, “Well as lovely as this whole chat has been I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave. We were just about to start training.”

“Actually I need to talk with Y/N for a moment...alone if possible.” Seokjin said, speaking up.

He looked over his shoulder at Mana who only nodded, leaving the room. Namjoon shared a look with Inori seconds before the two left. Hoseok seemed hesitant to leave but one nod from me was all he needed to get his legs moving. Once the room was empty save for the two of us Seokjin suddenly had a serious look cross his eyes.

“I...had another vision.”

“What? When?” I asked, surprised.

At the age of twenty one he had developed the ability to foresee the future like his relatives before him. This power was passed on to them from generation to generation, though the only ones in his family that possessed it were the ones next in line to rule. His mother had the same ability and out of all his siblings he was the only one to gain such a power. This along with their power to use lightning and bring forth thunder with it is what made them the most powerful beings around. But that power always came with a price, their life span had always been cut short because of that ability. Their life expires at the age of forty five...that’s why his mother isn’t around anymore.

“Last night. All I could see was fire, it burned everywhere. So--So many people were dying and there was nothing anybody could do to stop it. E-Even Mana she-” He cut himself off, his eyes telling me how devastating his vision was, “I’ll do anything to prevent what I saw from happening. I don’t care about any of the consequences that will follow but if I can save her I will, even if I have to kill the one who would start that fire.”

I looked at him in shock, seeing just how serious he was about his words. But what shocked me the most was what he said about there being a fire. Even with him not saying a name it was clear as day who he was talking about.

“After seeing the fire he set out on that field I’m sure he’ll do what I saw without any hesitation. I’m only telling you this because there’s a slim chance you can stop him, you are the only one who might be able to get through to him. Mana wasn’t the only one to die in my vision, Y/N; Inori, Taehyung, Hoseok, Yoongi, even your brother Levi was among the dead. If you wish to save them all revert Jimin back to how he was at the age of fifteen, when he was gentle and kind. If not I’ll be the one to take his life.”

I stumbled back at his words, all of this being too much, “Why--why are you telling me this? I-I can’t possibly do what you’re asking. Seokjin...Jimin can’t stand the sight of me and I’m not very fond of him at the moment either. What makes you think I’m even willing to do what you’re asking in the first place?”

The corners of his lips curled upwards slightly, “Because you value other people’s lives over anything else. You believe every life is precious and should be protected at all costs. If I had brought this to Levi he would’ve executed Jimin minutes after I told him. If you can save him and so many others I know you will.”

I sighed heavily, raking my fingers through my hair as I walked over to a nearby chair. I sat down and leaned forward, elbows resting on my thighs as I buried my face in my hands for a few seconds before looking over at him.

“Seokjin you don’t understand he--he almost killed me yet here you are asking me to save him...I don’t know if I can do that.”

Sure I had tried to defend Jimin after waking up to Yoongi but a few days after I woke up it finally hit me. I almost died because of Jimin, he wanted to kill me. Not matter what excuses I try and make for him in my head none of them stuck. I tried to believe the old Jimin was still in there somewhere but I knew that wasn’t true, or at least I convinced myself that it wasn’t true. I didn’t know what to believe so I had chosen to just abandon the thought of trying to help him all together. Once I did that that’s when the hate for him started to set in. But not only that, I had to deal with Levi as well and now this? What the hell am I supposed to do? If I don’t stop and change Jimin Seokjin will kill him but then Levi is talking about wiping out all of Hephaestus at the same time...what am I supposed to do? Can I really save all those people?

“I’ll give you a few months to help out with this any way you can but if it doesn’t get done I’ll step in. It happens at the end of the year so you have until then,” Seokjin said, his tone of voice soft, “For Mana I’d kill him and his whole faction if I have to. I’d even go as far as killing anyone else who gets in the way.”

With one last sigh from him he left, leaving me alone in the empty room with my thoughts. I buried my face in my hands once more, ready to pull out my hair. In my frustration I lashed out, water gathering in my hands as I hurled it at the wall. I stared at the gaping hole in the wall, my mind blank. Just what the hell does he expect from me?

-Jimin’s P.O.V-

I wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand, giving him a smirk as I started my own attack. I threw fire ball after fire ball, watching each one miss. He smirked thinking I was a lousy shot but that’s what I wanted him to think. I had aimed the fireballs at a tree directly behind him, watching the trunk of the tree catch fire. With one final fireball the trunk of the tree had been burned so bad it started to tip over. I grinned as I watched it fall. By the time he even figured out why I was grinning all of a sudden the tree was already falling over him. He managed to run out of the way of the trunk but got caught in its leaves. I could hear him groan out from underneath the thick leaves before a fire consumed them. He laid on the ashes as he stared up at the sky, a frown on his face.

“Will there be a time where you ever fight fair?” He asked, not bothering to look at me as he continued to stare up at the blue skies.

I smirked, walking over to him before crouching down by his head. I leaned over to look down at his face, his eyes meeting mine with a glare. I grinned at seeing that look, a chuckle falling from my lips, “Nope.”

Gai rolled his eyes so far back I was convinced they’d roll all the way back into his head. He scoffed before sitting up, ruffling the dyed hair on his head, the dark ashes splotching his pure white locks. He shoved at my shoulder but there was no strength behind it.

“You and your dirty tricks…”

I reached out to clasp his hand with mine, lifting him to his feet as I straightened up as well, “I learned from the best didn’t I?”

He scoffed once more before a smirk crossed his lips, “You sure as hell did. I’ve never been prouder. You’re like the son I never wanted,” he said as he wiped a fake tear from under his eye.

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes, “Yeah if you had me at the age of five then sure I’m your son. Y’know it would be a lot less weird if you said I was the brother you never wanted instead of your son…”

“Oh c’mon,” He said, throwing his arm over my shoulders and pulled me close to him, quite forcefully may I add, “You’re my baby whether you like it or not.”

I gagged playfully, shoving him off of me. Though I tried to keep a scowl on my face I couldn’t help the smile that played at my lips. Just as I was about to give another retort I was interrupted by a voice calling my name. I turned to the sound of it, the smile on my face turning fond as I looked over at the boy more than ten years younger than me. He ran at me, hugging at my waist as he reached me. I let out a chuckle, ruffling the hair on his head.

“What are you doing here, buddy? I thought you still had some homework to finish up?”

He groaned, throwing his head back, “I’m always doing homework. Dad thinks I need to bury my head in books all the time.”

I couldn’t help but grin at his words, kneeling so I could be eye level with him, “Jisoo, you’re nine, of course you need to study.”

He scoffed, kicking at the dirt, “Yeah right, like you studied at my age. Everyone told me you’d sneak out to go play. Now because of you Dad has me watched all the time, it’s suffocating.”

“Y’know for a nine year you sure talk like an adult,” I said with a grin, ruffling his hair affectionately before getting serious, “I know it’s hard but father knows best. Now go on back to your room and finish up with your studies before you get punished.”

He said nothing for a while, bowing his head as he pouted, “But I want to spend the day with you...I hardly ever see you anymore…”

I frowned at his words, sighing heavily, “I’ll tell you what once I’m done here I’ll head on over and help you with any homework you still have left, then we can do whatever you want.”

“Really? You really mean it?” He asked, jumping in place excitedly.

I grinned, standing up and looked down into his eyes, extending my pinky out to him, “I promise.”

He stuck his own pinky out, sealing our promise before running back off to his room. I stared after him, the smile on my face falling as soon as he turned away. As much as I loved him I couldn’t help but feel this overwhelming sense of sadness and anger wash over my heart. He looked exactly like her, down to the one lone freckle she had on her left cheek. I clenched my hands into fists at the memory of her.

“Jimin…”

“He looks exactly like her, even more so than I do. He looks like her more and more each day, it’s terrifying,” I let out, my voice shaking slightly, “I can’t even look at my own brother in the eyes without wanting to burst into tears.”

Silence fell over the two of us before he placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, “You just have to get stronger...then you’ll be able to beat them.”

I looked down at my hands, feeling the temperature within them begin to rise, “I’ll crush them all with my own two hands, every last one of them.”

They’re the ones that ruined my family, they’re the ones that took my mother away from us. Woosung and Sejeong where the ones that tore my family apart. They took away the most important person in my life away and made the other a shell of what he once was at losing the love of his life. Now it was my turn to take what was precious to them, starting with the one that betrayed me. She’s the one that lead them straight to us after all, it’s only fair that she’s the first one to die. Once I’ve dealt with those in Poseidon I’ll go after the others.

[sizzleitupwithmaria]

the challenge is on, foolish mortal

1. how tall are you?

5 feet 7 inches

2. what is your body type?

i’m shaped like an hourglass but i’m also a lil chubby

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

i occasionally like my face and this is a little bit weird but i have pretty good tits

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?

yep!

5. are you more outgoing or more shy

dude i’m shy af

6. are you more femme or butch?

i’m a pretty solid futch

7. are you tol or smol?

i’m tol bitch!!

8. wine mom or vodka aunt?

i feel like i’m a vodka aunt, but i’m also 14 and don’t commit crimes

9. weird habit?

i stick my tongue out whenever i’m super focused and i used to be really self conscious about it

10. favorite meme?

my current favorite is the shen yun memes but i don’t have an all time favorite

11. do you sing in the shower?

no bc the bathroom is right next to my parent’s bedroom :):):)

12. ever used a bow and arrow?

yeah i was in girl scouts for a while

13. are you/were you a theater kid?

see basically all of my vent posts and you’ll find the answer (i’m in a weird relationship with theater right now, but we’ll have to see how sophomore year turns out)

14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

yeah!! i’m also seeing another one in 112 days lol

15. do you think musicals are cheesy?

some are, but that doesn’t make them bad

16. have you ever been part of a protest or a march?

yeah, i went to march for our lives last year!!

17. favorite cards against humanity card?

i don’t actually own or play CAH, but i like “Bees.”

18. last movie you watched?

newsies, but that was only to grab screenshots lol (maura will know)

19. behind the camera or in front of it?

both!!

20. favorite tv show?

uhhhhh frasier? 

21. meaning behind your url

sizzle it up with taako is a taz reference

22. reason you joined tumblr

i have no fucking idea bc it was so long ago

23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?

i’d say @baura-bear but i’ve also known her irl for 8 years? i don’t actually have any purely tumblr friends, feel free to hmu

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

most foods

25. have you ever taken narcotics?

considering that i had to look up what that meant, the answer is no

26. have you ever had sex?

i’m 14

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or anything bad?

nope, i lead a pretty boring life (i’d actually sneak out quite often if my bedroom wasn’t on the second floor)

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

i’ve told my dad that i love him before

29. describe your passion without mentioning it.

i’m currently at a crossroads with it and it’s pretty stressful for me rn but i’m committed to getting better and not crying daily over it

30. describe your best friend

i don’t actually think i have a solid enough relationship with anyone to have a best friend lol

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows

OH UHHHH i pop my acne?? that might be obvious if you look at my face tho

32. how do you feel right now?

pretty solid, i have a little bit of a headache and i’m a bit sad but i’m doing okay

33. what is your biggest fear?

failure, but that’s probably just bc i set so high expectations for myself lol

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

breakfast in america by supertramp

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

maybe quitting band and strings in 5th grade or quitting track

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

OH YEAH but we’re not gonna talk about that right now

37. something you fantasize about

i always dream of living in a tiny nyc apartment with a beautiful wife and working at some nondescript company and shopping in my free time

38. last time you cried and why

??? i actually don’t know. i nearly cried last night bc my dad was nearly yelling at me, we’re not gonna get into that though

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

i put a stupid snapchat filter on my face

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?

yeah

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking about anything with?

my own self?? i have trust issues lol

42. the last time you felt broken?

maybe this morning just bc i had a weird dream and was processing it lol

43. are you starting to realize anything?

yeah

44. are you more dom or sub?

sub, but just in general, i haven’t ever had sex

45. i’ll only date you if _____

you’re a woman? i don’t have many standards lol

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

okay this question is probably geared more towards adults but as a freshman, i’m fine with dating sophomores and juniors, and maybe 8th graders?? that’s a little iffy though

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail

ummm i’m not sure if it’s a crush anymore but she’s tall, skinny, had black hair that she dyes often but it never shows, she dresses similar to me, she’s a photographer, and i think she might be into me :/

48. do you have any kinks?

yes but i’ll never tell anybody even if they paid me money

49. first thing you notice in a person?

uhhh their outfit?

50. how can someone win your heart?

by loving me a lot and dealing with my weird personality

51. been rejected by a crush?

i’ve only asked a crush out once and that went pretty well so no

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

yes, who hasn’t?

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

nope

54. is trust a big issue for you?

is the sky blue?

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?

nope, we’ve been meaning to for a while though

56. is confidence cute?

sometimes, just don’t be weird to other people

57. what would you say if the person you like kissed another person?

i wouldn’t care LMAO

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

probably not

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

maybe?? my interactions with her have been a blur lmao

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

oh yeah

61. do you want to get married?

yes, but purely to flex the fact that i can get gay married

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

idk probably self harmed

63. three things that turn you on

1. women

2. women

3. women

64. who do you hate?

nobody, really

65. favorite term of endearment?

sweetheart/love GET ME EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! if i ever write some romance y’all will see

66. who was your gay awakening?

idk if you count this as a gay awakening but once when i was like four i said to my dad “if i could marry anyone, i’d marry sarah” (one of my friends) (holy shit i just got kind of sad remembering her i liked her a lot and she had a cool family i need to see if she has an ig)

67. intimidating girls or kind girls?

both at the same time

68. what do you look for in a possible partner

women

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

tbh the only styles that are off the table for me are hyper masculine and hyper feminine, anyone else is great

70. are you good at flirting?

i don’t have the confidence to flirt lol

71. who was the first person you came out to?

my friends ellie and lilli, at the same time, on accident

72. do you have any friends who are wlw?

the question is do i have friends that aren’t wlw 

73. is your crush wlw?

i believe so

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

this one junior boy who.... oh boy... he’s not hot at all but he’s so nice to literally everyone

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self?

i don’t feel like i’m attached enough to my crush to write a poem to them

76. do you fall in love easily?

i think so

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

yeah

78. are you good at hiding your feelings?

oh hell yeah, at least i think so

79. are you a forgiving person?

depends on what the person did

80. what is your type?

i don’t really have one? being taller than me is nice

81. fall asleep in her arms or tub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

both, with a preference for the first one

82. tall girls or short girls?

TOL

83. hugs or kisses

both, especially at the same time

84. twirl her around or get twirled?

both!!

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

tummy!! thigh kisses are a bit too close to the pussy for my taste

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?

hairline

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

both!!!!!!!!!

88. making our or soft kisses

soft kisses

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

both, it just depends on the situation

90. how confident are you in your sexuality?

probably 80%

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

idk if i ever blush but i have to REALLY like someone to get butterflies

92. have you ever likes a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

i have multiple times but i’ve only told someone once

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

11 or 12

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

idk, i tend to forget those things

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

i honestly don’t ship many lesbians lmao. can i count my own ocs? bc julia and emily are great

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

i don’t think i’ve actually had anything negative said about my sexuality directly to me, so i’m a bit lucky

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

i honestly have no idea

98. what is love to you?

when we make each other happy

99. ask me anything

i mean my ask is always open if anyone wants to do this

thanks for listening to me be super gay and sad for a little bit

[girlbossblackbeard]

oh ho ho i must have won some kinda contest i didn’t know i was a part of because the amount of harrassment i had to deal with tonight was ASTRONOMICAL. let’s go through some of the highlights shall we:

1) right off the bat one of the first customers i dealt with told me they had a large group of about 18 that wanted to go through the attraction all together (for context i work as a ticket taker at a local haunt during the halloween season where i take tickets and use a heavy duty hole puncher on them to mark that they’ve gone through the attraction). i ask him to get everybody to put their tickets in one pile, all facing the same direction so i can hole punch them all at once. as they’re gathering all the tickets together (which is taking a while because yall have 18 fucking people who want to go through an attraction that usually only groups of 8-12 go on), one of the dumbass old men at the back of the group asks why im collecting the tickets or something and says “what is she supposed to be, some kinda lazy ghost?” which i just ignored because he’s not worth my time but in almost the same second the idiot man at the front of the group sees me lining up the tickets into my hole punch and he goes “do you need me to handle that for you?” I guess as if im some delicate flower that can’t hole punch a god damn ticket??? that group was so stupid and later tried to pull that “you guys are lazy” bullshit with the other ticket taker who happened to be a cop

2) a dude and his girlfriend (!) were talking about which trail to walk down and i told them the only trail they can go down is the one to the right, to which this dude tells me “oh gotcha because i saw the two holes (he’s talking about the entrances to the trail) and i was tryna figure out which hole to go into. because i like both holes” and he started laughing for 5 minutes about this joke before i was finally able to give my speech on the rules of the trail and send him away

3) this one is less direct harassment but it was arguably the most personally harmful interaction, like it had me fucked up for a while before i was able to shake it off. basically i let a small group of people go on the trail that didn’t have tickets because i was told to do so by the managers of the haunt. i stopped the group behind them to take their tickets and while i stopped them one of the girls starts complaining about the group that got to go on the trail without tickets (they didn’t get to cut in line or get any other kind of special treatment, mind you). i explained to them that it was a call made by the higher ups and these ignorant fucks, in the year of our good lord and savior jesu christo in 20 motherfuckin 18, literally, actually started saying “Yooo that’s so gay. That’s so gay what the fuck.” and they just kept repeating it but every time they said it i could just feel myself shutting down more and more. this job is technically a customer service job since i interact directly with patrons so i couldn’t tell them to fuck off and leave the compound because their ignorance has no place here without facing repercussions. i had to just walk away and try to ignore them for the rest of the night but i don’t think i’ll ever forget the feeling of hurt that washed over me when i heard them weaponize being gay, like i’ve gone so long without hearing anyone use that word in that way that it just really caught me off guard.

4) later another dude and his girlfriend (?) were trailing a bit behind after i finished my speech and sent his group on their way down the trail and while im looking down at my phone to get the timing correct on sending groups down he goes “hey baby. hey baby. baby, [insert something about going on the trail here that i purposefully ignored while i continued to stare at my phone and pretend not to hear him]” and the ignoring thing worked until he goes “hey baby. look at me.” to which i then look up and go “what.” and he goes “baby imma need you to walk down this trail with me now, im too scared to go alone baby, you gonna have to hold my hand (his friend or partner or whatever was literally right next to him as he’s saying this)” and that’s when my patience wore thin and i looked him straight in the eye as i told him “No. You can leave now.” and his friend or whatever just laughed as they walked away and FINALLY went on the god damn trail they should’ve already been walking on 2 minutes ago.

5) of course things couldn’t get better and the night had to end with the shittiest interaction of all in terms of blatant harassment and fragile male egos: a group of three dusty ass dudes come through my line about 20 minutes before we close. i walk up to them to take their tickets and one of them goes “how you doin tonight?” with a weird smirk that im guessing was supposed to be suave but just made him look like he had gas pains or something. already knowing where this conversation was heading, i tried to nip it in the bud and just say “im fine.” and start to move towards the people behind them. same dude then asks “what’s your name?” and since i obviously don’t want anything to do with this guy i give him a fake name and say it’s marie, to which he then goes “Mary?” and I say “Yep you got it”. as im walking away he then goes “you got insta?” and i tell him “nope, i don’t have insta” and he goes “so you not gonna give me your insta??” and i say “nope i don’t have one” (i do) and finally start taking the tickets from the people behind them, which is a man and a woman couple. the woman tells me quietly “You handled that very well” and as I’m telling her i appreciate it and i’ve been dealing with that kind of stuff all night the douchebag starts saying “i don’t like you anyway. i don’t like you” which i just completely ignore because at this point i was so unbelievably done with everything. as soon as those groups were sent on the trail my coworkers and a few former coworkers who were standing nearby (also dudes) all came up to me and started saying like “im so sorry you had to deal with that” and “are you okay??” and other stuff along those lines which was really sweet but the fact that they all felt the need to come up to me, even the former workers who don’t know me well, to see if i was okay should be a testament to just how gross those three guys were being.

and keep in mind these are only the highlights that were awful enough for me to remember by the time the night was over, there were so many microaggressions that i just started blocking them out on autopilot by the time i was an hour into my shift. i will say that im grateful for the support my male coworkers showed me throughout the night any time i told them of yet another awful thing i had to listen to. they even checked in on me every so often to make sure i was doing okay. i’ve had to deal with shitty comments like those above in small doses throughout the season and i was able to shake those off easily because they were spread out but tonight it just seems like every disgusting, rude asshole decided to come out of the woodwork and descend upon my place of work. thank fucking god there’s only two days left of this job, i need about 47 naps and a memory wipe.

[hitchell-mope]

Ok I’ve been working on something for years that I hope to make it into a tv show one day but probably can’t because once upon a time beat me to it

So imagine

Michael darling single handedly stopped a war that was never meant to end at the cost of his life and to correct “something” the universe sees fit to tear open a hole in the fabric of reality which all cartoons bleed through. Disney Pixar Simpson’s marvel dc blue sky laika everything you can think of are now inhabiting the real world the only humans left are Wendy darling and her close family and friends

Disney’s taken over Great Britain and Ireland. Mickey and Minnie are the king and queen until they see fit to retire

Simpson’s are now in Hollywood Bart is filthy stinking rich and the Whitehouse is his mansion

So on and so forth

Main characters

Jane Ophelia Emerson: now known as Jaime aster blonde hair blue eyes around 5 foot 8 inches. Has magic like the whole of her mothers side of the family. Unlocks it when she meets Peter Pan for the first time. Like her mother and grandmother before her she fell for him hard. So imagine the bitterness when she discovers she wasn’t the first to fall for him and she won’t be the last seeing as he’s fated to be her son in law. She stops her and her friends physical aging process when she’s 16 because she’s terrified of growing up and having to leave everything behind. Gets married to three guys. James pleiades Hawkins from treasure planet. An evil bisexualversion of superman she was forced to create out of two variations of kryptonite (black and pink). William smees illegitimate son that he got from a hooker on the neverland pier. Padraic hutchins. And together they’ve adopted three kids not much younger then them. Youngest to oldest. Timothy Tiberius Turner. Horrid Henry. Alice Liddell. Preferred drink is olive oil until she decides to stop aging then she goes all out on the booze. She really does not like using mjolnir but that’s exactly why she can use it. She killed her own cousin after Peter Pan was taken advantage of. Speaks how she was raised. Posh. But the angrier she gets the more common she sounds.

James pleiades Hawkins: nicknamed Plei shoulder length brown hair turquoise eyes five foot nine. Space cadet. Made a little mistake in that he wished he had magic when holding an empty lamp. This means he’s now a genie but he can appear normal except when angered and he turns an olive green. His lamp stays hidden in Jaime’s blood stream. Very protective of his kids. From montressor but speaks with a middling California accent

Kal: under duress Jaime creates him by combining black and pink kryptonite (according to what I’ve read black turns him evil and somehow pink turns him gay I don’t know why so please don’t ask) so imagine a five foot eleven inch evil bisexual superman built like a tank flirting with anyone he sees. There are limits. He cannot go after anyone younger then Jaime or older then Wendy. Or anyone she is directly related to. Has a side thing going with she hulk (cause of that man of steel woman of Kleenex problem). Looks so much like Clark Kent (blue eyes jet black hair) that once the bitterness has subsided they eventually declare themselves twins. Actually talks with a Kansas accent (it’s a pet peeve of mine) hair goes to his shoulder blades

Padraic Hutchins: five foot ten. Mixed race but unless he showed you a picture of his father (mr smee who is like really white) you wouldn’t be able to tell. Dark black skin (think terry crews) dark blonde waist length hair. Emerald green eyes. Met Jaime when he was working as cabin boy (and hooks personal stool master) on the Jolly Roger. Jaime offered him a deal. Sword fight just him and her. She wins he becomes her butler and all that entails. He wins she becomes his butler and all that entails. It comes to a stalemate. He decides to go with her though. (If you had to wipe hooks ass wouldn’t you leave given a chance) invents a new method of killing when getting revenge on a racist homophobic cop in Springfield. He may look like terry crews but speaks like Katie McGrath (his accent is Dublin posh)

Merida: jaimes best friend. Scottish. Really really curly bright orange hair halfway down her back. Grey blue eyes. 5”8. Harsh rivalry with Clarabelle cow Clarabelle keeps calling her fat by accident. She is not fat. The slightly barrel like figure she has is pure muscle. Moved in with Jaime after an absolutely blow out fight with her mother and hasn’t looked back since. Met Parker through tragedy. The were on an excursion with the parr children and dash died in front of her. Completely destroyed her for months. Tried to change everything about herself to feel better. None of it worked. Cut and straightened her hair. Tried to lose weight (just became addicted to caffeine). She even gave up archery (which if you know her is a serious cause for concern). And through it all Parker was there

Peter Benjamin Parker: the group calls him Parker because there are one too many Peters in the world and they needed to differentiate. Brown hair that grows out to his chin. Brown eyes. 5”9. Splits himself so he can have a somewhat normal life. There is now three of him. The original with Merida. Petey living with aunt may. Spider-Man. Parker actually grows to like the venom suit and through magic is actually able to control it. Realised he was bi when he kissed Padraic to cheer him up after Kal was being a jackass. Then harry arrived. Still has his native New York accent but it interchanges with a British accent after he’s lived in Kensington for some time.

Melody: Danish princess. Daughter of Ariel and Eric. Granddaughter of king triton. Black hair blue eyes. 5”8. Has a thing for blonde men. Was attracted to Cody before he told her he was asexual then she layed off him. Eventually gets with zephyr. Non practicing catholic except in one respect. Jaime gave her her own trident. Loves to swim. She’ll shrink herself down and use a wine glass if she has to. Always wears her hair in a ponytail

Zephyr: French Romani. Blonde shoulder length hair in a pageboy style cut. Green blue eyes. 5”9. Always wears the outfit he had on in his film only now it’s in an older more mature style. Smitten with melody when they met but she had a thing for Cody so he couldn’t say anything. He just got steadily more drunk. Scarily flexible. Likes to hang from chandeliers with his toes. Bit like a blonde Dick Grayson. Non practicing catholic in the same way melody is.

Cody Anderson: Swedish but has spent a lot of time in Australia. 5”11. Blonde hair long enough to braid. Keeps it in a man bun 90% of the time. Asexual. Much rather run climb or play video games then date or sleep with someone. Poor thing has been conscripted as Kals wingman. He absolutely hates it. He just tells the intended targets the truth and if Kal can’t seal the deal on his own merits it’s not Cody’s problem. Apparently can survive on one hour sleep.

Alice Liddell: one of Jaime Plei Kal and Padraics adoptive children. 12 years old. 5”5. Reality warper. Mostly this means she can make a portal to wonderland through any surface. But then she gets magic and all bets are off. Adopted because we birth parents were about to have her committed to an asylum because she kept insisting wonderland is real (it is of course but they have literal Victorian sensibilities and to them Alice has cracked) favourite Dad is Plei. Blonde hair half way down her back. Blue eyes. Actually does look like Jaime a little bit except Jaime’s hair is more of a tawny gold colour and Alice’s is more yellow. Like Jaime defies the dumb blonde stereotype. Uses her powers in very creative ways. Eventually ditches the pinafore

“Horrid” henry: except not really. His biological parents are just jackasses who scapegoat him so the worm is the professed golden child. Reddish brown hair and definitely fulfils the firey redhead stereotype. But manages to use it in helpful ways after Henry’s his own magic. Loves his chemistry set. Many a stink bomb was made from it. 5”4. 11 years old. Green eyes. Favourite Dad is Kal. Again like Zephyr, he always wears the same outfit. Adopted because Jaime could see that he was miserable at his own house and was always happiest when she was babysitting him.

Timothy Tiberius Turner: brown hair blue eyes pink hat. Still has his fairy godparents because Jorgen Von strangle is terrified of Jaime (the girl unionised death). Not stupid per-say but he doesn’t think things through. Favourite Dad is Padraic. Adopted after Jaime went to talk to his fairies and saw his babysitter strapping him to a torture wheel. Definitely the baby of the group being 10 years old

Harry Osborn: 5”9. Black hair blue eyes. Bi. Enters a relationship with Parker and Merida. Hung up on Parker for longer then he’d care to admit. But always believed (as Parker did) that he was straight. Strikes up an odd friendship with Jaime over the “Peters who have ruined their lives” (Parker and Pan) the only difference Osborn is now with his Peter and Jaime doesn’t love her one anymore. He revels in the fact Parker feels the need to protect him and their respective positions in the relationship have changed. Was dying before he used magic to cure the unknown disease that would ravage his body. Couldn’t use his fortune to find a cure because his fathers will stipulates that he’d be disinherited if he tried to cure himself. That and he wanted to defend himself properly should the need arise

Ashton Darling: Jaime’s cousin born in the same hospital month day and the exact same time. Shoulder length tawny gold hair blue eyes same height as Jaime. It’s a running gag that he and Jaime look so much alike they could easily be the same person cloned and don’t think that before puberty when her hair was shorter they didn’t pull pull a twin switch. They even have the same taste in men. Fictional with bright eyes. Expected a bigger reaction from Jaime when he came out to her. She knew and they carried on as normal. Eventually starts dating Jack Frost from rise of the guardians. His parents are fans of that 70’s show. His younger brother is called Topher

Jack Frost: pure white hair blue eyes. 5”9. Always in the same outfit. Guardian of fun. Has a sibling like rivalry with Elsa. She thinks he’s annoying and he thinks she’s boring despite them having the same powers. In Jack Elsa sees what she could have had. Yes Jack was lonely but he made the best of it for centuries and he had people to talk to (North toothania bunnymund and Sandy) whereas Elsa retreated into herself scared of going near others. Though they come to an understanding and when Jaime gives the shovel talk to Jack Elsa gives the shovel talk to Ashton. Ashton and Jack met in similar circumstances to Merida and Parker except the Ashton and Jack’s weren’t nearly as tragic as Merida and Parker

Taran: 13 years old. 5”6. Red hair green eyes. Dalbens ward but somehow ends up staying at Jaime’s (admittedly insanely cavernous) flat more then necessary and everyone knows why except him. Alice has taken a shine to him. He doesn’t quite know why. Gurgis still attached to his hip. He and Eilonwy drifted apart but they are still friends. Has next to no idea what’s going on more than half the time

Felicia Hardy: old friend of Harry and Parker. The friend that would not leave. Her father died and she still is not over it. Cinnamon colour hair hazel eyes. 5”8. Hapless. That is until the symbiote infects her and almost starts a war with the galactic federation.

Johnny Storm: like Parker the group just call him storm. 5”9. Mid length spiky blonde hair. Blue eyes. The human torch. Enters the group by happenstance. Works at Oscorp on an intern. When Parker took the fall for what Felicia was blamed for harry had a bit of a panic attack demanding that he and Parker weren’t separated again so to assuage him Parker takes him on a holiday in a private suite in the death hotel. But then Storm arrives with this contract he needs harry to sign and it escalates from there so now Merida has three boyfriends who are also dating each other one of which is in intergalactic jail.

There are a multitude of alternate realities that are accessed through a full length mirror in Jaime’s flat. Some have diffoerent circumstances or flipped morality/genders or different outcomes. For example

Different circumstances: Clark crashed into the Wayne’s greenhouses and the shock set off Martha’s labour. Clark married a one Diana prince and had two children. Oliver Kingston Wayne and Barry Allen Wayne. Bruce is the drink uncle who accidentally joined a big brother program and Clark is making damned sure Bruce is honouringthe commitment. Oliver dances at a club to be self sufficient. Barry meanwhile is obsessed with chemistry. Clark stayed home with a sick Alfred that fateful night and has never forgiven himself. So he became superman to make sure something like that never happens to anyone else. Bruce however became a preteen alcoholic. Chardonnay is his drink of choice. Their pool cleaner a mr Arthur curry and their chauffeur is a mr Hal Jordan

Different outcome: Professor farnsworth took over New New York with an army of bending units aided by his insane son Phillip. Leela is Phillips personal slave. An impoverished Amy Wong is his public slave (Leela is a sewer mutant). Carol Walt Larry and Igner are incarcerated for trying to throw a coup

Flipped morality: Snow White, jealous of her fathers affection for his new wife, killed her father and blamed grimhilde for it. She learned dark magic and killed the queen in a mirror storm then took over the kingdom with only seven diamond armoured dwarfs. All when she was fourteen.

Flipped gender: Cendrillon used as servant in his own home until he’s able to go to the ball aided by his fairy godfather. The princess saved him with a glass slipper

You get the idea

The characters relation ships with their parents:

Jaime and Wendy had a major falling out because Wendy kept trying to put her solutions in alignment with Jaime’s problems. Eventually Jaime moved next door into a flat in Mickey and Minnie’s castle. And now Jaime’s the queen. Wendy is 5”10 tawny gold hair almost always in a bun. Blue eyes and always dressed in blue. Mid to late forties. Edward Emerson. Think Henry cavil in prime superman mode greying at the temples in either army fatigues or black denim. One year older than Wendy. Besides George he is the only mortal in the family and being mortal he can use a magic wand (no one quite knows why only mortals can use wands)

Plei’s mother Sarah looks the same as in the film. Now you need to go through trauma for your magic to settle. And Plei’s trauma is seeing his father Leland a gain in god know how long. It does not go well

Kal have a rivalry with Clark because Kal sees Clark as a wimp who is wasting his powers on helping people and Clark thinks Kal is a no good miscreant. Their parents though treat Kal the same way they treat Clark. Doesn’t matter if he’s a close W he’s their son. In return Kal values them and does not hate them like he hates Kal (high praise in deed)

Smee just wants Padraic to be happy and if that means Padraic being in England in an entirely different dimension then so be it.

Elinor got impatient with Merida taking so long to choose a suitor and then Merida decided to try and find a boyfriend from non options (read as she doesn’t love the clans sons). So they had a hard he blow out fight which led to Merida moving in with Jaime and she’s barely looked back since

May doesn’t know Parker is no longer st school and he is not planning on telling her. And besides she’s got Benji

Ariel and Eric know everything and as long as melody isn’t hurt they’re fine with it

Phoebus and Esmeralda are just like Ariel and Eric

Cody’s mother isn’t in the picture anymore

Alice’s parents tried to have her committed so their relationship is next to nonexistent

Henry’s is his parents scapegoat so his brother retains a veneer of so called “perfection”

Timmy’s parents are negligent and let him be babysat by a psychopath who repeatedly tries to kill him. His fairy god parents are crazy but at least they care

Norman put a stipulation in his will that if harry seeks a cure then he will be disinherited. So try to gage their relationship from that

John darling came out as bi and his wife couldn’t handle it so she divorced him and took Ashton and Topher to New York. John remarries Casey mulligan. Casey is actually Jamie’s ex husband (don’t get worried it was some stupid new law that all marriages in England are legal. Including playground marriages. Jaime and Casey’s happenedwhen she was five and he was nine). So they got a quickie divorce. And as it turns out Casey has a son from his ex girlfriend. Casey junior (get it?). So now John is a 42 year old divorcee remarried to a twenty year old with a 10 month old step son and two teenage children. Annalise got remarried to Ashton’s high school crush, his Australian swim coach

Jack’s family died a couple centuries ago so what accounts for his family are the guardians a boy who remembers him less and less every year. Elsa who sees him as who she could have been and Anna who just wants everybody to get along. Then there’s kristoff who just wants peace

Taran still goes to see Dalben henwen fflewder and eilonwy when he can

Felicia’s last words to her father were “piss off” so she desperate to make amends with his ghost

Well you know about the fantastic four.

Jaime has become a children’s advocate. Simple stuff like babysitting and making sure the recess gang isn’t split up. But she isn’t up to date on slang so when a mourning 13 year old Angelica pickles drunk dials her, Jaime has no idea what’s the girls saying. And she takes it upon herself to punish the “evil children” ie DW Reed, 3 year old Angelica Pickles, manny heffley, Francine nebulon the children the make their older siblings lives a living hell.

Simpson’s:

Jaime aged up the child population of Springfield by ten years. Barts twenty Lisa’s eighteen Maggies twelve and so on. She also given them special powers. Bart has super speed Lisa HAD telekinesis (she abused it so she losed it. Painful rhyme I know) Maggie has electrokinesis milhouse can ghost through objects Nelson can put national monuments on his pinky nail. Ralph can bend reality to his will. Sherri can teleport Terri can fly. That sort of thing. Though some have non active powers. Moe can not die no matter how hard he tries. Homer and barney have regenerative livers (so they can be sozzled all the time) Bart has inherited Montys fortune and company

[elenathehun]

reading is emotional, part 13

So I read volumes 11, 12, and 13 several months ago, at the end of September, and then real life basically interrupted any attempt to write a reactions summary. So in lieu of that, I'll just pull my initial impressions from a Naruto group chat I participate in:

Jiraiya's intro is horrible - why is he a fan fave again? - but it also overpowers the most important thing in that scene: a foreign seal had been placed on top of Minato's work and was interfering with the original. I mean, wow, so many stories should come from just that. What haven't I seen this utilized by fandom more often? Orochimaru had access to Naruto as a baby, for one.

[One chat member points out that Orochimaru placed his seal on Naruto during the chuunin exam] When did he have time to do that? [another chat member points out that Orochimaru hit Naruto in the stomach to get him out of the way] Is that all it takes to apply a seal? Dammit, that's lame.

Anyway, is it just me, or does it seem pretty clear that Jiraiya was basically MIA in part 1? It doesn't seem as though Sarutobi knew where he was, given that jounin were supposed to report seeing him to command...

Meanwhile, an unstable jinchuuriki is just killing people all over the place - and our one sacrificial jounin is tasked with watching him. Dammit, I forgot how annoying this arc is. There is no chain of command in Konoha. No one seems to know what anyone is doing, ever.

[Chat member asks how Konoha has not fallen apart with no chain of command] I honestly assume ROOT has an actual purpose aside from fluffing Danzo's ego, and that is acting like an actual military. But seriously, nothing about how Konoha is portrayed makes a lick of sense. There should have been teams set to just watching the sand nin, especially Gaara. Jiraiya should have immediately reported for duty to Sarutobi.

Also, it's sort of horrifying how bad a teacher Jiraiya is. I mean, Kakashi is a bad teacher, but at least he never claimed to be good at it. [chat member asks if I'm at the point where Jiraiya throws Naruto off a cliff] Right now he's just trying to help a 12-year-old boy with shit control over his own chakra learn to use demonic chakra instead. In a lot of ways, Jiraiya is actually worse as a teacher, because it's clear that he's able to accurately assess Naruto's weaknesses as a shinobi. He's just uninterested in helping him get better at using his own chakra and not the fox's. I guess I'll have to re-read the early part 2 section, but aside from summoning and the Rasengan, what the hell did Jiraiya ever actually teach Naruto?

Anyway, in the next scene, we get an up-close and personal look at how incompetent Sarutobi was. All these jounin look pretty worried, and for good reason! One of their number is dead, and the Hokage is saying they're going to wait and see. This is a massive disaster in leadership.

Anyway, cut back to the hospital, where Sakura and Ino only show up to play spectator to Lee. It's infuriating. Why even bother having female characters, Kishimoto? I would have found it less insulting if he'd just decided to portray a totally gender-segregated society.

Anyway, I do appreciate that relationship we see between Sarutobi and Anko. I think it's clear that whatever his failures as a leader in the present, he was quite charismatic previously. But god, new leadership is absolutely necessary from a military POV.

...and Jiraiya threw Naruto off a cliff. I think it's safe to say that Tsunade was clearly the best teacher out of the lot of them.

Baki travels back and forth between Sand and Leaf with no chaperone. Because that makes total sense.

And Temari makes the same argument against war and for peace now that kid!Tobirama did 600 chapters later. It's a shame she didn't become Kazekage, but her vagina disqualifies her. [Chat members begin discussing the viability of a Kazekage Temari AU] If Sand's Kages all come from the same family, why the hell would you choose the nutty, psychopathic 12-year-old over his far more stable siblings? I understand it's not a democracy, but there's still an element of choice here. [the chat then considered Kazekage Kankurou] Kankurou's too sensible. Only nutcases become Kage - if half the men in your family had died on the job, you might pass too.

[chat member asks why Jiraiya is so keen on using the fox's chakra when everyone else is adamantly against it] He's an irresponsible weirdo in-universe. Given what we know in part 1, it was staggeringly incompetent: the only other example we see of demonic power is a boy who has killed about a half-dozen people on-screen. The real reason, of course, is that Kishimoto didn't want to do the hard work of developing Naruto's abilities organically, so the unearned superpower it is.

[Same chat member asks how I feel about Sasuke so far] He's not dumb. He actually has a survival instinct of a sort. And call me crazy, but there are a lot of Sasuke = Tsunade parallels there. He's lost literally everything, and there is a deep skepticism of Leaf propaganda that Naruto and Sakura haven't developed yet, and maybe never will. Like Tsunade, he is the scion of a founding clan - the very definition of the insider. That that hasn't saved either of them from tragedy and loss.

Anyway, reading the Neji/Naruto fight was actually the worst because I don't like Neji at all, but Naruto doesn't really deserve to win. Why couldn't Sakura beat Ino in the prelims and then go on to fight Neji? Anyway, I can skim a lot because Kishimoto's fight art isn't very dynamic.

O hai, Kabuto is still at large, still killing ANBU mooks. I definitely have to write the story where Team 7 gets involved with Kakashi's investigation of the mysterious traitor instead of participating in the chuunin exam.

anyway, Naruto shows he has a bit of a brain during Neji's fight. It's a shame this only happens every so often when dictated by the plot, instead of growing organically as part of his character.

What is the point of the Hyuuga? I mean, they have that nifty seal, you'd think the village council would really pressure the main house to ensure the branch members were able to use the entirety of the gentle fist skillset. If I were Danzo, I'd be maneuvering in that direction: hundreds of sealed Hyuuga with the full power of the gentle fist would really augment Leaf's manpower. I can understand the main house keeping the branch house down with superior knowledge of the gentle fist; I can see the main house using the seal to quash rebellion in the branch house; I can't see both, not in a world where the Hyuuga are part of Leaf and have a manpower requisition of some kind they need to fill. Leaf needs soldiers, and deliberately handicapping the ones who serve the village...yeah, if I were Danzo, I would force the issue.

OK, more of Kabuto just wandering around the stands, randomly healing Hinata.

Anyway, time for Neji's monologue. Mostly what I got from this is that Neji actually has no idea what really happened. Apparently, Cloud's Kage came directly to Leaf for the peace treaty, and Hiashi is strong enough to kill a Kage-level opponent. This doesn't even count the fact that the Kage of Cloud is actually in the stands right as Neji is telling Naruto his tragic story. Given that Neji was about 4 when his father dies, that makes sense - he probably cobbled his story together from household gossip.

Anyway, what I got from this is that Gai should have ensured that Neji got the crap beat out of him at least once by a social inferior. This is not the sort of lesson you want occurring during an international event open to the public, and honestly, Neji's overconfidence could have gotten him killed very easily - and not just by his opponents. Talking about Konoha's internal politics in front of outsiders is the sort of thing that involves the secret police...

Anyway, Naruto uses dangerous demonic power to beat up a 14-year-old boy. Jiraiya did not clear his training plan with Sarutobi ahead of time, looking at the unhappy surprise on Sarutobi's face. Also confirmed: the Byakugan can see demonic chakra that is invisible to the regular human eye. Would have been nice to have multiple Hyuuga guards on Gaara, right?

Ugh this Hyuuga bullshit is infuriating. I'm tabling it for another day until I can finish editing my Hyuuga rant post.

Moving on, Raidou's little "shinobi must be punctual" speech makes me think the blatant favoritism we see in canon wasn't appreciated by the Joe Schmoes around Sasuke. Kakashi can do that crap because he's basically been active a million years and is good for it in the clutch, and his co-workers still hate it! Sasuke doesn't have that leeway.

Ah, Shikamaru: one of Naruto's many out-and-out chauvinists.  

Anyway, it's pretty annoying that the matches have been set for a month, but not one of these dumb children bothered to do research on their opponents.

Kishimoto again devolves to show, not tell: Shikamaru is apparently the reason the rather weak Team 10 survived the Forest of Death, although how he did so is never explained. It would have been nice to see it, you know?

Oh, that's right. Shikamaru is a genius, who apparently never does shit unless dictated by the plot. So in real life, he'd be like one of those weird child prodigies who end up hermits in Montana, but this is Naruto, that ain't going to happen here.

The group chat had pretty divergent opinions on the tunnel Shikamaru was using to spread his shadow. For the record, I thought it was a pretty amazing asspull, but that's been my feeling the entire time I've been suffering through this arc, so go figure. I'm still sort of salty about how Shikamaru went from "maladjusted fuckup" to "GENIUS" in the space of one freaking battle. Every time Kishimoto talks about the "ideal chuunin psycho profile", I get an eye tic. In what universe is Shikamaru commander material at this point in canon?

OK, time for Kakashi's dramatic entrance, which is very dramatic.  

@hiruma-musouka proposed a while back that Kakashi is a fundamentally avoidant personality, and I can't stop thinking about canon in light of that. So an alternate reading of Kakashi's tardiness for Sasuke's match - Kakashi was actually hoping Sasuke's match would be forfeited due to tardiness, and Sarutobi's weak will foiled his cunning plan!

Gaara casually kills two mooks in plain sight. Where is Leaf's internal security? The only thing I can reconcile is that the Uchiha did all internal security, and given their deaths and the fact that Leaf still seems to be a largely pre-literate society, no group managed to fill the vacuum afterward.

How has Sasuke gotten so much better in a month of training? I don't care if your fancy eyes allow you to mimic moves and see very fast movement, you still need to build up the muscle to actually go fast yourself!

A moment of silence for the people of Sand, who are so familiar with the Ichibi they can tell right away when Gaara lets it possess him totally.

Those panels where Sarutobi and the "Kazekage" are looking at each other are actually pretty good. Ramps up the tension.

The invasion starts, and there is absolutely no coordinated response from the Leaf-nin.

Anyway, Shikamaru pretending to sleep through the invasion of his village is a massive black mark on his record. Like, God save the Nara clan level of black mark. He's technically an adult, he's the heir, he ought to be representing his clan...him trying to sleep through an invasion is a mark of cowardice, and would have terrible repercussions on his family. This is, in fact, the sort of thing that starts complicated succession disputes.

...and we end on Sarutobi, ready to fight all the time.

Anyway, reading this part of the manga sort of solidified why Naruto is a bad character for me, from a writer/author POV. Naruto spends so much time talking about how he understands the villain's pain. The problem is, Naruto's tragic life history never really shows up as a tangible issue in the plot! He's a lonely kid, but good lord, everyone in Leaf is lonely. People are jerks to him in a general way because he's an orphan and poor and stupid, which sucks but happens a lot in real life too. And even though people are jerks to him, we never really see them be cruel to him because he's got a demon in him. Iruka treats him like a wayward student; Sakura is basically his friend in a few months; Kakashi is a sadsack teacher, but he's not singling Naruto out with his awful teaching, and he does trie to find someone competent to instruct him; Sasuke isn't nice to him, but he's no crueler than the rest of Naruto's classmates. Basically, when Naruto talks about how he feels the villain's pain, I'm very meh. Contrast this to the chick version of Naruto, where lots of little girls beat the shit out of each other in the name of friendship: Nanoha. Fate Testarossa is a deeply tragic figure, and you are really, really, rooting for her to move to a better place by the end of that show. Or geez, just the first two episodes of Michiko and Hatchin, which features some truly awful child abuse.

Anyway, I'll post my long-awaited (?) Hyuuga rant later this week, and then I guess it's back to the old grindstone to try and knock out a reread of Naruto volume 14-16 before the new year begins!

[stars-and-branches]

1, 7, 12, 15, 17, 19, 21, 23, 24, 25, 27, 30, 31, 38, 39, 42-51, 53, 57, 58 (would just love it hear more about), 60, 65, 70, 72, 73, 78-83, 90, 93 (hate this term being used outside of indigenous contexts but an animal you connect with), 94-97, 99

Answers under the cut!

1. What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

A snake, I think they’re really cool! I don’t really know enough about reptiles to be able to have one and care for it properly though.

7. Chocolate or fruity candy?

I am,,,,, a fruity bitch. I like fruity candy most of the time but sometimes chocolate hits the spot.

12. Any hidden talents?

Not really hidden but I don’t talk about it a lot on here. I know how to play the piano! I took lessons for a decade.

15. Favorite board game?

Mexican train, my family plays it sometimes for game night and it’s fun.

17. Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Layerssss. It could be below zero outside and I’d still keep the windows cracked open so I can layer on more blankets.

19. Favorite song to belt out at the top of your lungs when you’re alone?

Any song Hozier’s ever made, the My Chemical Romance Danger Days album, or just whatever is living in my head rent free. Lately it’s been sea shanties.

21. At what age did you first have alcohol?

I think I was in middle school? My Dad gave me a sip of his beer expecting some dramatic reaction and uh, that didn’t happen.

23. What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

I don’t really like spending money - paying the housing deposit out of pocket is a little painful rn - so I guess $40ish?

24. What do you typically wear to formal events?

When I was younger I never had a choice and was always shoved into a dress. Nowadays I’d probably go by how dysphoric I’m feeling. I want to wear a suit at least once!

25. Favorite memory?

Hoooo boy that’s hard to pick. I guess going to see Dead and Company for a three day show at the Hollywood Bowl a year before my Mom died. We had a lot of fun, it was really beautiful, and there were a lot of good moments.

27. Favorite shoes?

I have a pair of black leather heeled boots with red laces. I refer to them as my “stompy boots”. They’re the only thing I own that emits top energy and I never wear them because they have a five inch heel and I have lots of foot pain.

30. Have you ever had braces?

Unfortunately. I got them taken off a few months ago though :D

31. Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Drive. I’m the walking talking stereotype of gays being unable to drive. I almost crashed my grandmother’s car with my entire family in it. Not a fun time.

38. What color do you wear the most?

I answered this in a different ask but black. I’m trying to incorporate more colors into my clothes though!

39. Favorite season?

The rainy season where I live. For a few months the usually barren desert teems with life. It’s beautiful and the only time I can actually grow anything.

42. First car you ever owned?

I have a 2001 Honda Accord.

43. What time do you usually go to bed?

Early. My friends often give me shit for having the sleeping hours of a retiree. I used to be a night owl but I had to get up at 4am all throughout high school so I started going to bed immediately after dinner. I haven’t been able to kick the habit.

44. Are you a competitive person?

Yes but I don’t like competitions. I’m competitive in the sense that I’m constantly comparing myself to how others are doing and I try to be better than those around me. Of course, I’d never admit this out loud but the internet is fine apparently a;kjnvdfdasdvdf

45. Least favorite color?

Orange.

46. First pet you’ve ever owned?

A small tabby cat named India. I still have her, my parents got her when I was 4 months old :).

47. Sweet or salty?

Yes.

48. Favorite pasta dish?

Ravioli!!!

49. Favorite kind of chips?

Limon chips. Though black pepper is a close second.

50. Talk about something you’re passionate about.

I did this in a previous ask and I’m tired so this question gets a skip.

51. What are some of your hobbies?

Baking, gardening, video games, reading, journaling, drawing.

53. Favorite kind of pizza?

Either vegetarian pizza or margherita pizza.

57. Favorite labels about you?

I take pride in my queerness and being disabled. The latter because I love the spoonie community and it’s a huge part of my identity.

58. Are you a religious person?

Yes, in the sense that I’m a very spiritual person. I’m a witch. I’ve considered myself a pagan for the past five years, and I’m currently exploring Christianity since my religious path has grown too stagnant.

60. What size shoe do you wear?

It depends on the phase of the moon just about, lmao. I wear a 6 1/2, as wide as the shoemaker can make it. I have really short but really wide feet.

65. Favorite fruit?

Yes. I love most fruits (fuck pears).

70. Favorite dessert?

I don’t really have a set favorite? If I had to pick I guess it would be a fruit tart.

72. Age you learned how to swim?

Either 6 or 7.

73. Tell a funny story.

I used to be friends with a guy who was like. Ridiculously tall. Ultra flamboyant, very loud, like if the color neon orange was condensed into a human being. In my sophomore year of highschool we sat on some bleachers during the homecoming pep rally. He refused to stand up for the national anthem. We were sitting directly in front of the football players in the most redneck school in california. I sat down with him because I didn’t want to witness him getting jumped and thrown off the bleachers. We got called a bunch of slurs through the whole anthem and screamed at. Stuff was thrown at us. They kept kicking us repeatedly. One dude was kicking his neck over and over. The football players were more of a disruption than we were. Eventually, everyone sat down and they finally got bored and stopped. Aside from the one kid who was kicking the person I was friends with, he passed time by throwing pieces of food at us. 

This kid, who I’m dubbing Dipshit McGee, kept doing this until I heard him suddenly yell, “Oh shit!”

I looked over my shoulder. My friend at the time started guffawing. Dipshit McGee dropped his phone from the top of the bleachers and it shattered into a million little pieces on the dirt below.

78. What’s your favorite compliment to give?

Usually simple things that express my appreciation. I use “I love you” a lot with my family. There’s only so many times that you get the chance to say it.

79. What’s your favorite compliment to receive?

Honestly any compliment. I’m not used to flattery so my brain just shuts down instantly.

80. Has your opinion changed on something recently?

Yup, that’s why I’m looking into abrahamic religions.

81. Do you always order the same thing at a restaurant or order something different each time?

If I go to the restaurant a lot then I’ll usually just order the same thing. If it’s somewhere new I’ll switch things up a bit.

82. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?

Crochet. It’s something all the women in my family do. I have all the tools I need (except for yarn) but haven’t brought myself to work on it.

83. If you could learn to do anything right now, what would it be?

On top of all the other stuff I’m learning? Maybe increase my cooking/baking skills! I want to work with pastry more.

90. What’s something you wish you had more knowledge about?

The occult, spirituality, religion. I’m always chasing after knowledge in those areas.

93. What’s your spirit animal?

Yeah, I hate this term being used in a non-indigenous context too. As far as an animal I connect with goes, it’s a tie between snakes and cats. Cats because I love them dearly and have connected with them my whole life, we vibe. Snakes because I love their spiritual significance: connection to the earth, constantly shedding their skin and changing.

94. What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

Managing to steer the car away from crashing in the incident I mentioned in 31.

95. Are you the type to have an organized mess, or no mess at all?

No mess at all, preferably. I like to keep my space relatively tidy. Mess makes me really stressed.

96. Do you tend to make decisions based on the past, present, or future?

All three.

97. Are you a planner or a more spontaneous person?

I’m more of a planner. Spontaneity is very difficult for me but I’m trying to improve.

99. What do you hope never changes?

My ability to romanticize the small parts of my life, to find joy in even the simplest of things.

[transfagged]

all 92 😘

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?no way man she’d probably dom the fuck out of me

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?nope.

3. Have you taken someones virginity?n o p e

4. Is trust a big issue for you?YEAH

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?like in terms of romantic??? no. like in terms of “we have a really weird relationship and idfk how i feel @ you”? yeah.

6. What are you excited for?april 19th!!! my friend and i are going to go see phoebe bridgers in madison!!!!

7. What happened tonight?its 10am so ill roll with last night: i played nv and got killed in a beautiful cacophony of deathclaws and the legion :) and then my game crashed.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?no bc id be right there with them

9. Is confidence cute?very

10. What is the last beverage you had?i think some water? okay not the last but: hot water is so good with wildflower honey pls just drink some its good for your soul okay???

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?opposite is bullshit but i guess like,, 3? half my friends are nonbinary so counting EVERYONE regardless of gender and shit id say 6 people

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?im a proud supporter of boys in skinny jeans and i own 2 or 3 pairs

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?my main ho @thebonerfoy is coming up to visit me and were probably gonna pack all my shit in her car and play cards against humanity

14. What are you going to spend money on next? lmao probably my student loans. unless i can get the hours i asked for at work or a sugar daddy, then im gonna buy a proper lid for my fishtank bc my poor kid has a piece of cardboard rn.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?yeah. even in a state of stagnation were changing somehow.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?probably amanda, but im working on trying to be better with everyone

18. The last time you felt broken?my dude, im broken right now. its okay though. like i said, im working on it. were all fckn broken somehow.

19. Have you had sex today?not unless a ghost and i got in on in my sleep. which would be pretty cool ngl

20. Are you starting to realize anything?on a deep level: i deserve respect and a lot of my issues relate directly to my upbringing, including my inability to receive praise or speak well of myselfon a not-deep level: kinda hungry.

21. Are you in a good mood?i think i just heard fedex or ups outside so my mood just skyrocketed

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?maybe like. nurse sharks. theyre really cute.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?yeah

24. What do you want right this second?to take a day to go into the city with all my friends that i cant see on a regular basis

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?probably be upset unless we discussed it beforehand. then id be fckn cheering for them like you go get some!!!! do it man!!!! in general tho: if i wasnt with them and they didnt show interest in me and showed interest in someone else id just move tf on.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?half of it is bc my roots are growing out

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?no. too boring.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?okay so i went to renew my library books and one of my favorite youtubers is on the library website dressed as one of his characters and i completely flipped because i watch his gaming channel and now hes interviewing authors for my library??? he doesnt even live in my town!! hes in madison!!

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?no? im enjoying my solitude atm

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?depends on the person

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?no! hes my friend and gives really good advice!

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?i think so. i mean, were kind of a thing.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?yeah.

34. Listening to?killer - phoebe bridgers

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?only if im doing a rough journal spread, which i dont normally do

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?hes probably in class right now. 

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?love at first sight? no. some sort of mutual infatuation/attraction? yes.

38. Who did you last call?my mom

39. Who was the last person you danced with?dancing with as in both dancing at the same time? probably amanda or my mom.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?we were dating and he was cute lmao

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? a couple months ago? 

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?no bc she leaves for work before i wake up

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?constantly.

44. Do you tan in the nude?lmao no.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?no. as previously stated, i liked the guy and he was cute. why would i take that back?

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?yeah

47. Who was the last person to call you?my mom

48. Do you sing in the shower?sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?yEAH

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?yes i love my bow :’) its so good and wow i love archery

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?picture day junior year of highschool, and if that doesnt count: my mother took me in at jcp to have pictures taken when i graduated 8th grade and theyre awful bc my hair is so long and its so not me

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?excuse me, how dare you,, in this house we ask for war and peace for christmas because npgc1812 is so good and then get addicted to ghost quartet (@ anyone reading this: pls listen to ghost quartet it is so so so good)

53. Is Christmas stressful?depends on the year, but i hope in the future i can spend it with my friends :)

54. Ever eat a pierogi?i just had some last night for dinner and im probably going to eat the leftovers in a couple minutes. also, my mother is polish and we see her family for holidays, so yeah. lots of pierogi in this house.

update: i got the leftovers

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?idk??? apple? im basic okay i dont eat pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?1. teacher2. ballerina3. both 1 & 2, simultaneously4. paleontologist5. archaeologist6. both 4 & 5, simultaneously7. librarian8. game designer9. author/illustrator

57. Do you believe in ghosts?yeah

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?almost daily

59. Take a vitamin daily?im supposed to ;) vitamin d deficiency like a real champ

60. Wear slippers?real talk i never liked slippers but then i bought these cute pig slippers @ walmart for $10 and i love them so much i tried wearing them to sleep last night. also im wearing them rn theyre so cute

61. Wear a bath robe?i live in a dorm, so yeah. to the bathroom and back when i take a shower. sometimes im lazy and i just run around in a towel but so do half the people on my side of the hall lmao were all lazy and dead inside

62. What do you wear to bed?fluffy pajama pants or sweats, tshirt or hoodie, socks, sometimes slippers.. once i fell asleep with a beanie on. when im being an Adult i wear my actual pajamas!!! like a legit shirt and pants that match

63. First concert?none that i was old enough to remember :’) apparently my mom took me to the rodeo when we lived in texas and saw some country group but i was like 2 so idfk

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?TARGET I AM A CERTIFIED TARGET GAY

65. Nike or Adidas?adidas bc my feet are too wide to fit in nikes

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?yall real talk i used to love cheetos but i think im allergic to them now? last time i had them my throat got all swollen and hurt for like 3 days so im gonna have to say fritos. plus theyre really good if you put them in chili

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?sunflower seeds bc im a slut for anything i can have a spitting contest with

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?lmao i used to like her when i was like. 11. not my scene anymore

69. Ever take dance lessons?i dont think so?

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?anything that makes them happy, but also something fun!!!! like wedding photographer or a baker or maybe zookeeper?

71. Can you curl your tongue?idk??? kinda????? i can tie a cherry stem so i want to say yes.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?no i always got out bc my anxiety made me stutter/rush and miss letters, so i never even got past the classroom levels to the real thing

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?a lot!!! i laugh so hard i cry and get a stomach ache more than id like to admit

74. What is your favorite book?eleanor & park by rainbow rowell :) OR alice’s adventures in wonderland by lewis caroll

75. Do you study better with or without music?depends on if i can get into hyperfocus mode or not. if not, then i pick one song and put it on loop and blast it until it fades and is just loud background noise, but if i can focus then silence is best

76. Regularly burn incense?i used to but no burning anything in the dorms :( then i came home for break and it started giving me a headache

77. Ever been in love?i think so

78. Who would you like to see in concert?kesha, against me!, my chemical romance (rip), bigbang (also rip)

79. What was the last concert you saw?the one i mentioned earlier @ a rodeo

80. Hot tea or cold tea?hot tea

81. Tea or coffee?i live on coffee but i love tea too so both

82. Favorite type of cookie?mmm snickerdoodle. or just sugar cookies. chocolate chip is good when theyre hot and melty but not as good when theyre cold

83. Can you swim well?yeah! i love swimming!

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?yeah?

85. Are you patient?hahahahahahhahahahhahahhaa

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?oo. oooooo. okay so dj would have more variety of music but im a sucker for live music??? idk i feel like a band would be more memorable, but what if they fuck up your favorite song??? but what if they make it more special???????

87. Ever won a contest?yeah! i won an art contest once and got my drawing printed on christmas cards for a nonprofit that did things for cancer patients!

88. Ever have plastic surgery?im 17 i dont have that kind of money

89. Which are better black or green olives?depends on what theyre in?

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?good. live your life fuck the rules

91. Best room for a fireplace?bedroom!!! i love fireplaces in bedrooms its such a Look

92. Do you want to get married?idk. if it happens then it happens. im not planning on it though.

[itshistoryyall]

Part Three: Rule of Three

Photo Credits: here

In this next part I want to talk a little about some important texts for the context of this project. One of them is the Canon Episcopi, a 10th century medieval canon law. For anyone who doesn’t know what “canon law” is, it is basically a written guideline authored by some church authorities and used to govern the church, its clergy, and its patrons. It’s important to highlight this text because it gives us a clear idea of what surviving pagan cultures looked like in Medieval Francia (modern France), but not in the way you might expect. As mentioned above, a lot of what we know about the past is just really good detective work, and this is one of the instances where a document helps us understand far more than what was originally intended. It’s a cohesive set of ideas that suggest how the church should treat several circumstances regarding their local pagans, and as usual, it wasn’t preaching tolerance. In summation, it called anyone who believed in anything other than Christianity an infidel.[1] Pagans still existed, and still do to this day, in fact, but the Church used a heavy hand when dealing with them most of the time. Often, they used their own beliefs against them and merged popular Christian anecdotes to help assuage people who were not happy with the idea of conversion to a new religion. I think that the author of the overview for this document said it best when they said that,

“new Christians [did not] simply cast aside old beliefs…conversion was a dynamic process…[and] elements of indigenous religious practice were frequently mixed, often deliberately, with Christian belief and ritual…Certain practices can be said to have ‘survived’ the process of conversion…After all, nearly every Christian ritual had some sort of pre-Christian antecedent or model.”[2]

They just simply couldn’t kill them all or threaten everyone with violence in order to bring them to their knees before the Lord, and so, they got creative.

           Canon Episcopi calls anyone who believes in the mystical arts a liar and, what I’m most interested in is it’s mention of, “wicked women, who have given themselves back to Satan…[who] in the hours of the night…fly over vast spaces of earth.”[3] You just can’t get more witchy than that folks, and don’t worry, I know that this was written in like 900CE, but I should also mention that it was referenced in another important document—Corpus Juris Cononici, a canonical law that remained intact beginning in the 12th century all the way until 1917. I’m not going to attempt the math there, but it’s too damn long and we can all agree on that. So, now we know our Collective Catholic Opinion (CCO for the rest of this project),[4] is that we don’t like pagans, and with the introduction of this new text, witchcraft is now a pagan practice. This was originally, a really good detail to hammer out in canonical law because it typically kept the Inquisition from meddling in matters of alternative religions, UNTIL (you knew that was coming, I already warned you in Part 1) Canon Episcopi was thrown out by Pope Innocent VIII in 1484 (not the same Innocent One as before, but damn did we not learn a lesson?). Anyway, the most innocent pope of all time decided that witchcraft was to be forever tantamount to devil worship which was what gave inquisitors permission to go after pagans and those accused of practicing witchcraft—great.[5]

           So, that brings me to my next document of importance, the Malleus Maleficarum, the Latin here, in case you aren’t a weird Disney fan, is where we get the word ‘maleficent’ and thus the name for one “Mistress of Evil”…moving on.[6] This book was written between 1486 and 1487 and can also be referred to as “The Hammer of Witches,” a direct translation of the original Latin. It was written by some German Dominican monks—'Dominican’ here, refers to the Dominican order of Preachers founded in France by the Spanish priest St. Dominic, so, not the islanders as I was originally very confused about. Recall from earlier that the first instances we see of witch trials occur in a German-speaking part of Switzerland, so you can see how this thing is gaining speed. There were other texts along the way that were written in regards to witchcraft, but there was a really important invention that made this one unique—the printing press. It spread like wildfire, and there were more copies of this document than any other, and it so precisely aligned with the mounting witch-craze, the Inquisition, and the Corpus Juris Cononici, that it almost seems planned. Am I a conspiracy theorist, you ask? Maybe. After researching this project, I’m beginning to wonder, myself. Let’s indulge.

           In 1481 Pope Innocent VIII (I’m so surprised), heard about those German monks who were in the middle of writing about these witches, and they complained to him that the authorities weren’t properly looking into the accusations. This actually prompted the Pope to issue one of those papal bulls we all know and love, titled, Summus Desiderantes Affectibus, translated—Desiring with Supreme Ardor. It wastes no time getting right to the point, those who were practicing witchcraft were to be henceforth considered heretics, and doling out the full support of the Church and the Faith to inquisitors to prosecute these cases as they saw fit. Three years later, the monks published their instruction manual for other sympathizers. This document was separated into three parts. The first was addressing skeptics and assuring them of the reality of the situation and suggesting that not believing in the existence of witchcraft was another form of heresy. The second part included proof that real harm was caused by magic, and the third part was made up of guidelines for investigating, arresting, and punishing witches. It was used by Catholics and Protestants alike, and while it was never made official by the Catholic Church, it was most assuredly referenced. It was not continuously in print; however, but was re-printed and widely distributed in areas “as needed,” meaning that when prosecutions started ramping up in some areas, the press would begin to print and distribute more.

           I’m gonna delve pretty deep into this document because it’s really important that we know where some of this information comes from in reference to future prosecutions, tortures, and accusations of presumed witches. The manual directly mentions that witchcraft is found amongst women most predominantly and uses the idea that both good and evil manifests in women more powerfully than in men. It specifically singles out midwives because of their aptitude for contraception and pregnancy termination—see, you guys thought this anti-abortion culture was new…it’s not. It made wild claims that midwives ate babies, or offered them to devils, and elucidated pacts made with the Devil, sex with incubi, possession, and, I’m not quite sure how to word this, the act of vanishing penises (That’s the best I can do here. I tried some other stuff and believe me it was much worse). The part I love most is that most of the references used to substantiate these claims come from some of the great Greek philosophers and writers like Homer and Socrates, who were big, giant, probably gay,[7] pagans. I can’t love that more, guys…it really doesn’t get better than two homophobic, misogynistic, intolerant religious zealots getting their entire bibliography from some gay pagans. Finally, what the document describes as “quarrelsome women” could not be considered witnesses to witchcraft, and it excuses this by alleging that this is to prevent friends, families, and neighbors from bitter fights.

           To determine whether or not someone was a witch, they could be examined physically. Any corporeal evidence might include marks on the body, physical objects that were concealed on the body, or not weeping while being tortured or when presented in front of a judge. When checking for these “marks,” women were stripped of their clothing (by other women), their hair was shaved—this could be a small amount or all of it depending on where that pesky devil’s mark was going to be found. Often, this mark could be a mole, a flea or insect bite, a birth mark, or a speck of dirt. Anything passed, really, and once these marks were found they needed to make sure that there were no other instruments of witchcraft on a person in order to execute them. The manuscript mentions that if these items are not removed, there would be an inability to burn or drown the witch, and the same goes for if she was still under the protection of other witches. The practice of drowning or burning an accused witch to prove her innocence began, and although the accused was never around to celebrate her liberation afterwards the practice persisted, nonetheless. While determining the guilt of these witches, a confession was paramount in determining the outcome of a person’s wellbeing after the trial.

           Accused witches could only be executed by the inquisitors or authorities of the church if they confessed themselves, but, remember that the church had already authorized torture as an acceptable method of questioning at this point and could be persuaded into confessing by any means necessary. Often, they would confess quickly under the pain of torture, and were said to have been abandoned by the Devil. Conversely, those who held out, were under the Devil’s protection and more closely bound to him, and torture was viewed as a form of exorcism. Confession under torture was not enough; however, and they had to confess again while not being tortured for it to be a valid confession. If the accused continuously denied the accusations the church was not permitted to execute her, but they could eventually turn her in to local authorities who were not beholden to the same restrictions.

After a confession, the accused could be offered the option of repenting against all prior acts of heresy and perhaps be granted the avoidance of a death sentence, but later when I pull out the statistics, you’ll see precisely how rare that option was. They were also likely to allow a witch to avoid a death sentence if they snitched on other witches, but typically the investigations into those that were implicated by the original witch were presumed to be innocent until a thorough investigation could take place. Prosecutors also did not have to reveal that the removal of a death sentence did not mean that they could not imprison them indefinitely. Judges that presided over these trials were given specific instructions on how to ward themselves from wayward spells of the spurned witches on trial, and to ensure that they had the full cooperation of those amongst the court and spectators, there were specific instructions that allowed those who were uncooperative to be excommunicated from the church or even labeled heretics themselves if their obstruction was persistent.

Pope Innocent VIII’s bull acted as a metaphorical magnifying glass over the ant that this situation was in Switzerland and Germany, but to conflagrate things further, in 1501, Pope Alexander VI[8] issued a new papal bull, the Cum Acceperimus,[9]that extended the reach of prosecutions for witches to Lombardy and officially broadening the reach into Italy. I think it’s important to point out that this particular pope was a Borgia, and for those of you who haven’t seen The Borgias on Showtime, the Borgia family is basically the Kardashian/Jenners of the Medieval world—so many scandals and orgies, one can nary keep up. Beginning in 1500 and all the way through 1560, historians consider these few decades to be the peak of trials in Europe, and in order to focus more in-depth on this aspect we’ll be ending this part here, but it may be worth mentioning that this oddly severe belief in superstition beginning with the Malleus Maleficarum, may have been one of the many sparks that stoke the flames of the Protestant Reformation in Europe.[10]

[1] See Canon Episcopi for a full quote, but this is in direct reference to a bible verse from John 1:3 that makes mention of God being the maker of all things and suggests that those who believe that other entities may have done so are “infidels.”

[2] (Traces of Non-Christian Religious Practices in Medieval Pentitentials, n.d.)

[3] Direct quote from the Canon Episcopi and shortened for clarity and pointed reference.

[4] Please don’t talk to normal people about the CCO, it’s not a real organization, and outside of this context it’s probably very offensive to modern Catholic practitioners and I am not looking to get cancelled on Twitter

[5] (encyclopedia.com, 2019)

[6] Maleficent is defined by Webster’s as, “doing evil or harm; harmfully malicious,” and the original Latin form is maleficentia.

[7] the ancient Greeks were partiers and lovers, man

[8] Not a safer name than ‘Innocent,’ it turns out.

[9] DON’T YOU DARE GIGGLE AT THAT NAME

[10] It’s important to note here that history doesn’t have a large grasp on one specific event that might have been what caused this leap, but it was more likely a combination of quite a few different things, but it is my own humble opinion that torturing people certainly wasn’t a good way to rally support for the Catholic Cause™

[scarletjedi]

My wife, gentlepersons

Brig was already aboard the boat when Gimli and Legolas arrived, attending the rigging for the simple sail and making ready to depart.@brydylcai​: All of the writing asks because I worry you don't have enough to do

so. 

all the ones I haven’t answered yet. Behind the cut because long

1. Tell us about your WIP!

Heh, which one? I’ve started writing chapter three of We Are Made Wise because I’m finally getting over my block (I think there was a little burnout). I’ve just updated Old Man Luke, and Pineapple 2 is next. I’m almost finished with my next original short, I’ve figured out where to go next in my novel, and...yeah. :)

2. Where is your favorite place to write?

Where it’s quiet and I can focus. Sometimes that’s the living room. Sometimes it’s my office. Sometimes it’s the Starbucks on the corner. 

4. Do you have any writing habits/rituals?

Depends on where I am. I have to have some sort of ritual to get focused. In my office, I light candles. In the living room, I put on music. At the coffee shop, I have a snack. 

6. Favorite character you’ve written?

My original character, Jamie, from my book is a HOOT. He’s a gay Jewish teen whose convinced that *he* will be the one to capture definitive proof of the Jersey Devil. He’s the non-magical pov in the fic, and his voice is fun. 

7. Favorite/most inspirational book?

Well, on the one hand, I re-wrote the Hobbit, so that’ book is clearly an inspiration. 

8. Do you have any writing buddies or critique partners?

@brydylcai is my in-house sounding board, the same way I am for her. I don’t have a regular beta, but I’ve worked with several depending on the project/story, and they’re all lovely people. 

9. Favorite/least favorite tropes?

I love revelations/coming out stories. I hate deliberate misunderstandings. 

10. Pick an author (or writing friend) to co-write a book with

@brydylcai and I have discussed writing a book together already, so Imma go with her :)

11. What are you planning to work on next?

I have the doc with We Are Made Wise open, so either that or my next short, depending on if I write more tonight or wait until tomorrow. 

12. Which story of yours do you like best? why?

Comes Around Again is the one that earned me what little notoriety I have, and Old Man Luke is doing the same in Star Wars, but I’m most proud of Drowned in Moonlight. That fic was written to excise some grief over Carrie Fisher, and I think I did her proud. 

13. Describe your writing process

I’m tempted to say “Incoherent screaming into the void” but that’s a joke that’s been made before. My process. Hmm. 

I tend to write by the seat of my pants. I like to see what develops and grows naturally. Once I get to a certain point, I’ll stop and make a plot sheet/note page, but I usually have the rough shape figured out before I start to write. 

Once I have a draft, I’ll edit. Sometimes I’ll print and edit on paper. Sometimes I edit online. My original works tend to get more editing than my fanworks. 

14. What does it take for you to be ready to write a book? (i.e. do you research? outline? make a playlist or pinterest board? wing it?)

ha ha ha ha - My original novel has been 15 years in the works, and has gone through many drafts. It’s working now, but I need familiarity. So, I think what I need is research for context and an outline for plot, and a good enough knowledge to feel like I’m winging it. 

15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing?

I put it down. If I’m not confident on one project, I’ll put it down and turn to another. (This usually means putting down my original work in favor of fanfic, because I’m more confident with that overall, but...). I know what sounds right to my ear, and if I’m not hearing it, there’s usually a reason. Distance/time often lets me see it. 

17. What things (scenes/topics/character types) are you most comfortable writing?

I’m a Jersey Girl, so I tend to set things in Jersey. I love dramatic conversations, so I’m comfortable there. Queer characters. 

18. Tell us about that one book you’ll never let anyone read

That I wrote? Or that I read? Twilight/50 Shades. 

19. How do you cope with writer’s block?

I beat it with a hammer unitl it’s writer’s pebbles. 

20. Any advice for young writers/advice you wish someone would have given you early on?

Write what you love. Write the truths that you know, and research to write the things you don’t know. Don’t be afraid to break your characters; you can put them back together in new and interesting ways. You’ll be given a lot of advice over the years--read enough to recognize what you like. Develop your taste. Take the advice that helps taylor your work to your taste. Reject the advice that changes it away. 

21. What aspect of your writing are you most proud of?

Subtle meanings and implications. 

22. Tell us about the books on your “to write” list

Here are 3:

a) The Lesbian Werewolf Romance Novel. 

b) The Teenage Zombie Novel. 

c) The American-Teenager-Falls-Into-Fantasy-Realm-and-there-are-also-dragons novel

23. Most anticipated upcoming books?

Jer Keene’s next book. I read the first as fic, and then read the novelization, and now I REALLY want to know what comes next. 

The Kingkiller Chronicles book 3

25. What’s your worldbuilding process like?

Seat. Of. My. Pants and flailing. Seriously, I write something because it sounds right, and then figure out how it works after. 

26. What’s the most research you’ve ever put into a book?

I wrote parts of CAA with the hobbit, the lotr, the unfinished tales, and the moves on and open in front of me. 

I became a pagan, and my research for that has influenced my writing of my book. 

27. Every writer's least favorite question - where does your inspiration come from? Do you do certain things to make yourself more inspired? Is it easy for you to come up with story ideas?

I mentioned I was pagan? My patron, Brigid, is among other things, a muse. She pokes, and I start thinking (or I think, and she eggs me on. I’m not sure of the order. could be either or both). But, most of my ideas come from things I read. When I want inspiration, I read. 

Ideas don’t come as easily as I would like, but the fact that I have several projects at once means that it comes easily enough. 

28. How do you stay focused on your own work and how do you deal with comparison?

I have a hard time focusing period, so that’s a challenge. I have put effort into being less jealous because it’s ultimately a useless exercise. 

29. Is writing more of a hobby or do you write with the intention of getting published?

I want to be published like JK Rowling or Stephen King - one thing that gives my financial security, or with enough frequency to do the same. 

30. Do you like to read books similar to your project while you’re drafting or do you stick to non-fiction/un-similar works?

tbh, i read mostly fanfic these days. Most Genre fic makes me angry because there’s something missing from the text. it’s usually women/gay people. 

31. Top five favorite books in your genre?

scifi/fantasy

a) American Gods - Gaiman

b) Foundation/Elijah Bailey mysteries - Assimov

c) The Hobbit

d) Guards!Guards!

e) Years of Rice and Salt

32. On average how much do you write in a day? do you have trouble staying focused/getting the word count in?

Depends. There are days i can’t get a word out. There are days I’ve written about 10k. It depends on if I’m having a good focus day. 

33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like?

long. 

34. Unpopular writing thoughts/opinions?

....like what?

35. Post the last sentence you wrote

““The things I do for the greater good,” Gimli grumbled, his frown softening as Legolas’s laugh rang out to echo through the cavern. “

36. Post a snippet

from Old Man Luke, chapter 11 (probably):

Obi-Wan stood just to the left of the closed door, hand stroking his beard ad the sight of those assembled. It took all of his focus to keep his eyes from growing wide, or let his hands tremble the way they wished to.

Before him, sitting at a conference table, was Asajj Ventress (scowling at the table like a chastised Padawan, though she had submitted to the indignity of the locking cuffs easily enough), and the adult twinned children of Anakin Skywalker.

Luke sat much as he had before, calmly and with no outward signs of concern, reminding Obi-Wan uncomfortably of his own master. Leia sat back from the table, her arms crossed and her expression sardonic. She, too, was apparently unconcerned, if outwardly exasperated, and Obi-Wan knew that if hadn’t already been told, he would be able to see the resemblance between father and daughter in a heartbeat.

Still, Obi-Wan had the distinct and uncomfortable sensation of not quite living up to her expectations.

The bulk of her resentment, however, was aimed directly at the only other occupant of the room—Anakin.

Their father.

Obi-Wan needed a drink.

37. Do you ever write long handed or do you prefer to type everything?

I write long-handed when I’m having focus issues. It’s slow enough to make me focus. 

38. How do you nail voice in your books?

I talk to myself. Out loud. Constantly. 

39. Do you spend a lot of time analyzing and studying the work of authors you admire?

When I read, I’m known to stop and think “that was a perfectly crafted sentence!” or “How did they do that?” 

40. Do you look up to any of your writer buddies?

all of them. They’re all awesome, though in different ways. 

41. Are there any books you feel have shaped you as a writer?

Harry Potter. I’m not sure how, but I’m sure it has. 

42. How many drafts do you usually write before you feel satisfied?

Depends on how fully formed the story was in my head before I started. Fanfic gets 2 - rough and beta. Original fic gets rough, first, second, etc

43. How do you deal with rejection?

Badly at first. Then it evolved into a desire to prove them wrong. 

45. First or third person?

Third. 

46. Past or present tense?

Past. 

47. Single or dual/multi POV?

Depends on the needs of the plot. 

48. Do you prefer to write skimpy drafts and flesh them out later, or write too much and cut it back?

the first is what I do. The second is what I’d like to do. 

49. Favorite fictional world?

A Galaxy Far, Far away. (Then Middle Earth). 

50. Do you share your rough drafts or do you wait until everything is all polished?

depends on the fic. I like to show things to @brydylcai, but only in the fandom’s she’s in. I have been known to invite friends into docs as I’m writing, so...

51. Are you a secretive writer or do you talk with your friends about your books?

I’m more open than I used to be about fanfic. I’m less talkative about my original works. 

52. Who do you write for?

She knows who. 

53. What is the first line of your WIP?

Of this chapter: “Brig was already aboard the boat when Gimli and Legolas arrived, attending the rigging for the simple sail and making ready to depart.”

54. Favorite first line/opening you’ve written?

my book begins with a ghost hunt. that’s fun?

55. How do you manage your time/make time for writing? (do you set aside time to write every day or do you only write when you have a lot of free time?)

I try to set aside time while not working, but i also tend to write in whatever little moments I have. Between classes, standing in line, etc.