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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 4 years ago

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Hi love, so I was wondering if u had any thoughts about Edward panic changing Bella if she was close to death while he was near. Like if they were in a car accident or whatever and medical help was too far away. For all his refusal to turn her and let her die naturally, he seems like he would panic and bite her when in the actual situation. (Regardless of whether or not he succeeds in turning her or mercy kills her after, because I totally agree with u about those two lmao 😭😭😂)

Hello, anon.

Well, this actually happened in canon.

The Fiasco of Bella's Emergency Birth

Bella's emergency C-section was a complete shit show and almost like an act of God to make sure Carlisle was not there. The date for the operation had been set, after weeks of starvation Carlisle finally leaves the house in order to prepare for surgery, and the second he steps out side what happens.

Bella's spine snaps like a twig, Edward has to eat his daughter out of the womb, and Bella's goes into cardiac arrest.

Bella's heart stops in the middle of this, her spine was broken, and she lost a massive amount of blood. Bella was a millisecond from death.

Edward stabs her with a syringe and chooses to turn her.

Before that point, it was unclear that he would.

He starts Breaking Dawn trying to coax Bella into postponing the change or even delaying it inevitably. His plan is to attend college with her, something Bella would physically not be capable of as a typical newborn.

Given the Volturi, this was absolutely not an option, Edward insists it is anyway.

When Bella becomes pregnant with his child, his plan is to abort her (forcibly if need be) and supply her Jacob Black as a stud in order to deliver all the human babies she could possibly want. Bella by this point cannot digest human food, her stomach has turned to stone, and Renesmee has likely damaged her internal organs beyond repair. Bella cannot go back to being an ordinary human, not without significant health issues, and that's if she survives at all (which I find doubtful).

I'm sure Edward had it in his mind that, even with Carlisle cutting Bella's uterus open with his teeth, that somehow, in some miraculous way, they might not have to turn Bella. Bella can remain human and everything will be fine.

But then Bella is dying in front of him, he sees her heart stop, and he makes the panic decision to save her life. He shoots her heart full of venom then begins CPR. Bella survives through the transformation and is turned.

To me though, this was very much a panic changing and something that was up in the air. Edward in that moment had to decide whether or not he could live without Bella, even if she's a vampire. He chose to keep her, he likely will always wonder if he made the correct choice.

But Back To Your Question

By Breaking Dawn Bella's been around a while. She's made it repeatedly clear, many many times, that she wants to be a vampire. She and Edward have extensively argued both pros and cons of vampirism. Edward's not sure Bella really gets what his reality is (she doesn't) but they have gone over it.

Bella's also talked to Carlisle, Rosalie, and Jasper about the whole vampire package. She's met multiple vampires, been attacked by multiple vampires, even Edward can't deny she's seen the ugly side of vampirism.

Bella really wants to be a vampire.

Edward has also faced reality without Bella Swan. It's bleak, cold, and endless. There is nothing for him in that world, even separating from her if she were to remain human pains him significantly.

Even Edward, stubborn as he is, could read the writing on the wall by Breaking Dawn. The decision is ruminating in the back of his mind and the option, loathe as he is to admit it, is actually on the table.

Then you have Renesmee who really helps things along. Per Renesmee, Edward decides that vampires do in fact have a soul. He is not a damned, senseless, creature and turning Bella would not condemn her to be a monster. He still likely doesn't like the idea of it, for reasons he cannot explain to himself, but his major theological argument is now gone.

Without Renesmee's gift, he may very well not have gone for that syringe.

But say we're in Twilight or even New Moon, this is a Bella Edward is sure has no idea what a vampire is. One who has not had a chance to assert a billion times that, yes, she really really really wants to do this. He's still convinced he can leave her and she can live a human life without vampires or any supernatural nonsense.

We see this Bella get significantly injured in Edward's presence.

Bella is losing a lot of blood fast after her run in with James. Carlisle has to start stitching her up immediately and get her to a hospital. A little later, and even from the blood loss she might have died. She's also been been bitten.

To stop her transformation, the venom would have to be sucked out, something notoriously difficult to do even under the best of circumstances. Bella's currently bleeding profusely and is Edward's singer: this is a death sentence.

Rather than panic change her, Edward panic keeps her human. He sucks the poison out, nearly going too far and killing her, and risks her death to keep her human.

In that moment, though it's a flash decision, Edward would rather Bella die than turn her. (After which, of course, he would go to Volterra to kill himself and give Aro an aneurism).

He repeats this sort of idea throughout the series. Notable are the times that Bella gives him hypothetical scenarios, increasingly ridiculous, to see what he would come up with.

A car crashes? Edward never crashes cars, he is that awesome at driving. And if the car crashes anyway, he has the reflexes of a panther, he'll unbuckle Bella, vault out of the car, and heroically jump out the back window to safety and humanity. Bella will never be injured.

A plane crashes? Edward unbuckles Bella from her seatbelt, carries her bridal style to the emergency exit, and then throws them both out the window and to safety... some tens of thousands of feet below preferably in water. He and Bella are then photographed as the sole miraculous survivors of this terrible tragedy. (When Edward gave this answer, I had my answer as to whether or not Edward actually passed his basic physics class. The answer, children, is no.)

Granted, these are not actual scenarios, and it's easier to give these kinds of answers than talk about them. But it's very telling that in Twilight, when Bella point blank tells him that one day she will die and that is the truth of humanity, he essentially says, "Blue Screen: ERROR" back to her followed swiftly by, "THE SUBJECT IS CLOSED".

Back to Your Question (Again)

But let's say we have your scenario. The summer after James, in Bella and Edward's summer of love before the birthday disaster, Edward (say it ain't so) crashes the fucking Volvo.

What can one expect when making a sharp turn at 110 MPH? Well, Edward has the reflexes of a panther, so he never saw it coming somehow. Bella, of course, saw it coming the first time she stepped into Edward's car.

Edward walks out fine, Bella... does not. The car's down in a ravine, Bella's bleeding out, it is clear she is not going to survive this and Edward cannot get her to the hospital in time even with his speed.

Well, given this is Twilight, and given the shock of all of this and suddenness, Edward could very well black out and eat her. When Edward comes to, he's om nom noming on Bella's battered corpse.

Edward runs away to Italy to kill himself.

Say he doesn't though, Edward manages to hold his breath or else miraculously control himself. Bella's still bleeding out, and giving him this very dazed, expectant, look. From Bella's face, it's clear what she's thinking: Turn Me, You Dipshit.

However... I imagine if Bella can't say the words out loud, Edward while panicked and in terror of losing her, won't do it. He will not condemn her to vampirism without her explicit consent.

Let's say Bella gurgles out, "Turn me, Edward"

Well, things just got a whole lot harder. This is now Bella's dying wish, she's looking at him even as the light fades out of her eyes, and he can see the growing resignation and disappointment in them. Edward will have this image with him forever, the life, light, and love bleeding out of Bella and her undoubtedly final thoughts that Edward was never worthy of her.

Honestly? Toss a coin.

I could see it going either way.

Edward stalls so long, deliberating, that the time for action passes. Bella dies right in front of him. That, or he sees her life force flickering and before he can think about it he bites her (whether to eat her or turn her we'll never truly know) and then it's too late, it's done, he's turned her himself. (If, of course, he doesn't accidentally kill her in the process).

The Aftermath

If he turns her then Edward will forever be haunted by the guilt that he destroyed Bella Swan. He turned her into a monster, just as he feared, and has condemned her to this miserable existence where she becomes orphaned from everything she knew.

Edward in this situation breaks things off with Bella (very awkward as they're part of the same coven now), he can't handle the guilt of what he did to her or what she now is. He thinks about mercy killing her, but given it's his own damn fault, is probably very conflicted and feels unworthy of taking even this action. All of this just makes him the lowest of worms.

Bella is utterly devastated that Edward appears to no longer love her (just as she suspected) and tries desperately to assure him that she loves being a vampire. She's finally comfortable in her own skin. She certainly still loves him and more, even if she wasn't happy, she gave her consent and would never hold that against him.

Edward doesn't care.

Edward likely goes to Rio to try to wrap his head around everything and be miserable by himself. Alice and Jasper likely leave on Alice's journey of self-discovery (but mostly to just avoid the emotional turmoil of the Cullen household). Rosalie actively blames Bella for this and tells her so to her face, Esme is an utter wreck, and Carlisle's working triple overtime at the hospital. Bella is even more devastated, she's Yoko Ono breaking apart the Beatles.

Bella offers to leave the Cullens. If she leaves then everything will go back to normal, right?

Everyone protests. But everyone here is pretty much Esme and Carlisle. But mostly Carlisle. Esme tries to, but it's in between sobs, where she talks about how beautiful Bella and Edward were AND THEY CAN WORK IT OUT. Emmett would, but Rosalie views Bella as a home wrecker and he has to side with the wife. Which just leaves Carlisle trying to lamely insist this isn't her fault.

It isn't, but, well, things are very bad right now.

Carlisle likely sets up Bella with the Denali. This ends after a few weeks, Bella can't handle the lifestyle and being the ugly brunette sister. Bella likely becomes a nomad and catches up with the Cullens every few years or so.

The 'Cullens' of course, becoming smaller and smaller each consecutive visit as the coven utterly dissolves.

The last time Bella visits, it's just Carlisle. Esme ran off to support Edward in Rio, Alice and Jasper never came back, and Rosalie and Emmett are on their 23rd honey-moon.

And that's how Bella rejoins the Cullens (i.e. Carlisle).

It's very awkward.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #edward cullen #anti edward cullen #bella swan #edward/bella #anti edward/bella #carlisle cullen #esme cullen #rosalie hale #the cullens #meta #headcanon #opinion

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shiftings · 5 years ago

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scripting

A script is a shifting tool where you describe the details of your desired reality. You don't need to have a script as your mind already knows what you want, so you can shift even withoout one. But it can be helpful to write some things down, especially if you're a beginner.

What does a script look like? A script is different for everyone so feel free to write whatever you feel like writing. For starters, you can write some information about your desired reality self, you can specify where you're shifting to, the year etc. A script can be as detailed or as non-detailed as you want. The length also doesn't matter.

You can write your script by hand or you can type it in a phone or computer. It also doesn't have to be just words! Feel free to add photos, videos, audios or even make some sketches.

When you write a script make sure to write using present and past tenses. Just like you would when talking about yourself and the things you have done in this reality. That's because you already exist in the reality you're shifting to. So for example, don't say "I will be called ..." but "I am called ..."

You don't have to write in full length sentences though, you can write in bullet points or as if you’re filling a form.

What should you include in your script? Anything you want. Don't worry if you leave something out of the script, your subconscious mind will fill that in for you.

Can you make changes to your script? Yes you can. You can delete or scribble over things you want to change anytime you want. You should know however that when you change a detail in your script your desired reality becomes a different reality from the one you had before. Say you scripted for brown hair and then changed it to blonde. When you shift you'll be going to a reality that's identical to the first, except that in that reality you have blonde hair. That's because this is how multiple realities work. When you're scripting your desired reality, you're pretty much choosing a reality that fits your description. You're not actually creating it as you write because technically it already exists. But don't worry, because there's so many realities, it's just like 'creating' it. So any reality you can think of already exists.

Can you change your script while in your desired reality? Some people have scripted to be able to do that through something called the Lifa App. However I don't think it's possible to change a reality you're already in without essentially shifting. So you wouldn't be able to change that reality, only shift to a similar one.

Do you need to have your script memorized? No, like I said earlier, your mind already knows what you want. It's good to re-read it if you recently made any changes just to prevent any confusion. Also re-reading for fun can help you raise your vibrations which help you shift.

Here's an example of what a script can include.

- The desired reality you're shifting to (Is it an anime world, a book world, an alternate reality? What year is it?)

- Your desired self (General information, such as name and age. Personality traits, physical appearance, any talents or special powers? If you're shifting as a character that already exists you can make any changes if you want)

- Your relationships (Family, friends, love interests, pets. What is your relationship with other people/characters? How are you perceived? How are you treated?)

- Safety measures (You can't die, you can't feel pain, you can't get ill etc)

- Time ratio (Example, an hour in your current reality is a month in your desired reality)

- Returning word or action (Example, when you clap your hands twice you will shift back to your current reality)

- Clone instructions (What you want your clone to do while you're in your desired reality if you're shifting while awake)

You can also make changes to the world you're shifting to if it's a book or movie. If you want the storyline to be different, you can script that. You can also script what will happen after you shift, or just leave things to happen naturally.

If you want to remove or add characters, you can do that too. Adding characters that don't exist in that fictional world is also possible. You want Harry Styles in Hogwarts? You got it. (Remember though that would only be a version of Harry that exists in that reality. Unless a person from this reality shifts with you, they won't actually be there)

Your script can also include your waiting room. A waiting room is a safe personal space you can shift to before shifting to your desired reality. You can shift there even from your desired reality. I will make a separate post about waiting rooms.

Another thing you can script, which can be helpful when you shift, are shifting signs. For example, script that when you shift to your desired reality you will smell a scent or hear a sound. That way you will know when you have shifted or when you are close.

Scripting Relationships

In the shifting community there’s a discussion whether it's right to script a relationship that's already established. For example saying "In my desired reality I am in a relationship with X person".

So is it wrong? Technically, there already exists a reality where X person has consented to be in a relationship with you and you're just shifting to that reality. Even if it's not a fictional character but a real person in this reality, you're not violating their consent here. That’s because even if they are identical, they’re not the same person as they exist in different realities.

On the other hand though, if you shift and the relationship is already established, that means you didn’t get the chance to actually form a bond with them and other stuff like that. Although you already existed in that reality, you still weren't actually there until you shifted, you get me?

I don't think it's wrong and if you want to script a relationship then go for it. If you don't feel comfortable doing so, then don't do it. It's simply your choice. You can always script that this person finds you attractive, feels good around you, has feelings for you etc and then build your way up from there.

...

So this is what you need to know about scripting if you're new to shifting. I tried to cover everything neccessary I could think of. If you have any questions feel free to ask!

#reality shifting #shifting realities #shifting #scripting #shiftblr

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wizardingworld-imagines · 5 years ago

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Secrets - Draco Malfoy

Pairing - Draco Malfoy x fem!Reader

Requested? - Yes! by @actyourownfandom-23

Word Count - 2k

Warnings - Umbridge. Need I say more?

A/N - I’m so so sorry that this took so long, however I hope I made up for it with the length and that it was worth the wait :)

Draco and Y/N were drawn to each other. There was an immediate spark, like fireworks going on a celebratory event for new years. There were only a few problems with their flirtations. Y/N was born to muggle parents, growing up without any knowledge of the wizarding world, until the Hogwarts letter arrived through their letter box. They were cautious, thinking it was some kind of prank or joke, but they eventually realised the truth and sent Y/N off to her new school for the next 7 years. She was also sorted into Gryffindor after arriving at Hogwarts, and swiftly made friends with Harry, Ron and Hermione. At Hogwarts, she would discover that she would find friendships that would last lifetimes, and a romance which was found in the strangest of places.

Y/N and Draco had been together for just over a year. They started getting closer in Third Year, when she helped look after him when his arm was injured by a hippogriff, who Y/N later came to learn was called Buckbeak when she helped Harry and Hermione save him. At the beginning of Fourth Year, Draco and Y/N started meeting in secret, spending tender moments together and Y/N learnt who Draco truly was. He was only a boy, manipulated by his father into believing extremist views, without little choice of his own. He had his reputation as a school bully, something most people would be cautious of, but Y/N understood why he did it. He was trying to gain his father’s approval, something he so desperately wanted that he’d sacrifice anything else for it. He could have done so many incredible things during his time at Hogwarts, yet he wasted his years being servile to someone who would never respect him.

When Umbridge came to the school, tensions were high. Y/N and Draco could no longer meet as often as they liked to, and their relationship was deteriorating quickly. Luckily, they were paired up in potions, allowing them to spend some time together.

‘No, Draco, you’re doing it wrong!’ Y/N exclaimed, as Draco ignored the instructions for the Draught of Peace, blissfully unaware of the adverse side effects caused by one small misstep. Draco turned to face Y/N, annoyance evident in his voice as he spat

‘I don’t need help from a mudblood, I bet you don’t even know how to brew the potion’

Draco’s eyes widened as he realised what he said, shame evident on his features. To anyone else he wouldn’t have cared, but he just insulted Y/N, his secret girlfriend of over a year. She stared back at him, outraged that he would say such a thing to her, but she couldn’t react. This was what he was like to everyone. She knew it wasn’t who he wanted to be, but he had been conditioned to think this way. ‘It wasn’t his fault’, she would tell herself, ‘it’s due to his upbringing.’ But surely he was at an age now where he could make his own decisions? Surely he didn’t have to keep trying to earn the respect of a father who might never be proud of him?

Y/N noticed the shame in his eyes, something only she saw. Most other people thought it was some kind of enjoyment, that he was sadistic and cruel, but Y/N knew what that look upon his face meant. He was hurting inside too.

Unfortunately for the pair of them, Umbridge was making her rounds of the castle and heard the commotion from the potions classroom as she strolled the dungeon corridors. She burst her way into the room, directly looking at Y/N and Draco.

‘Y/L/N. Malfoy. My office. Now.’ she said, turning swiftly around and out of the doorway where she just entered. Snape sent an unamused look towards the bewildered pair, and sighed, waving his hand to let them go.

Nerves racked through both of them as they walked towards Umbridge’s office. They had heard, and seen, what kind of torture went on in there. They paced the halls as they hiked to what felt like the gallows, neither of them wanting to speak about what just happened. Draco sent Y/N a look of apology, hoping she knew that he didn’t mean what he said. Y/N understood, she responded by nodding and then taking his hand in hers as they climbed the staircase to the office together.

Moments later, they sat opposite Umbridge, hands now parted as to not raise suspicion. She lectured the two about what had happened, and let Draco go without punishment. He was part of her inquisitorial squad, of course. He hesitated, not wanting to leave Y/N alone, but he had no choice. Staying would have only caused more complications.

After Draco’s departure, Umbridge brought out the parchment and quill Y/N had heard so much about. She had seen the scars on the hands of other students, and tears started to accumulate in the corner of her eyes, threatening to spill at any moment. Umbridge brought the parchment to the desk, and Y/N looked up at her, doing her best to be unafraid of what is going to happen.

‘Now, you must write ‘I must not keep secrets’ until you understand ok? How about 50 times?’ She says, sitting back down at her desk. The room was garish, pink and covered in decorative items with cats on them. The room was torture for the eyes, let alone the physical pain Y/N was about to endure.

‘Excuse me, why must I write that? I’m not keeping any secrets’ Y/N asked, curiosity in her voice.

‘I see how you and Mr Malfoy look at each other, and I reckon you two are sneaking out to see each other, are you not?’

Y/N was dumbfounded. How did she know? Y/N couldn’t answer, she just hung her head lowly and that confirmed everything for Umbridge.

‘Well, get on with it then’ She said, her tone a mix of excitement and disgust. And Y/N started writing.

~~~~~~

Leaving Umbridge’s office, Y/N examined the back of her hand, noticing the words etched into her skin already beginning to scar. The tears that threatened to spill earlier came pouring out, a tsunami of tears flooding her eyes and trailing down her cheeks. She ran to the common room, hoping that it would be empty, however to her irritation it was packed full of people.

She tried pushing past the bodies in the room, wanting to just go to her bed and cry, but to no avail, she was spotted by Hermione.

‘Y/N! Where have you been, it’s been hours since anyone last saw you!’ She stated, panic apparent with every word that she spoke. She grabbed Y/N by the wrist, noticing the marks on her hand. She was outraged, she pulled Y/N towards Harry and Ron, who were residing on the couch by the fireplace.

‘Look what Umbridge did to Y/N!’ She exclaimed, revealing Y/N’s hand to the boys. They both read the words, confusion visible upon both of their expressions.

‘But, you haven’t got anything to hide, have you?’ Ron asks, looking at Y/N, giving her reassurance that if there is anything she could tell them.

‘Well, actually…’ she starts, not knowing if she should tell them. ‘They have a right to know, they’re your best friends.’ She tells herself, so she continues, not wanting to leave them waiting.

‘Actually, I have got a secret. I may be in a relationship’ Her intonation higher on the last words, demonstrating her nervousness.

‘With who?’ They all yell, gaining the attention of everyone in the room in their desperation to know.

Silence fills the common room, and what can only be described a a squeak comes out of Y/N’s mouth.

‘Draco’

Mouths drop to the floor, did she really just say his name? Everyone was astounded by this, Draco Malfoy, the infamous hater of muggle borns, Gryffindors and essentially anyone who existed.

The silence was deafening. Y/N didn’t know what to do. She acted upon her first instinct and raced towards the common room entrance, leaving as swiftly as she could. She went to the only place she could think of, the spot where the Draco and her met in the forbidden forest.

~~~~~

When she arrived, Draco was already there. He was mumbling to himself, something about being a terrible person and how cowardly he was for not staying to prevent whatever happened to Y/N. Oh his innocent Y/N.

Y/N approached quietly, trying to make out what he was saying. She could only catch words isolated from the rest of the sentence. The snapping of a twig underneath Y/N’s foot caused Draco to turn around dramatically,his wand drawn ready to hex whoever interrupted him in his solitude. Noticing that it was Y/N, he quickly put his wand away, rushing towards her. He clasped her hand tightly in his, and brought it up to his lips, kissing the scarred flesh.

‘There you are, I was starting to think she still had you in her office, I was debating whether I came back to rescue you from your captor’ He said, a smirk rising.

‘Draco, this isn’t the time for flirting, they know’

Seriousness washed over his face. ‘They definitely know?’ He asked, a lump forming in his throat.

‘Yes. I had to tell them. They wondered about what I was hiding and I’m so tired of keeping this secret. I know I should have asked you first but I just had to do it’ She responded, expecting him to be angry and wanting to leave her.

‘Ok’

‘Ok? That’s how you respond?’ She questions.

‘Well, they know now. And that’s ok. We can deal with that’

Y/N was astonished. Draco was ok with them knowing? He had wanted to hide things for so long, but now it’s suddenly ok?

She didn’t get an opportunity to speak when the sound of three pairs of feet, crunching the leaves below them, approached the couple.

Expecting something bad to happen, Draco instinctively pulls Y/N behind him, wanting to keep her safe from anything that could do them any harm. He only wishes he could have done the same back when they were in Umbridge’s office.

The faces of the trio peering back at them, Y/N steps out from behind Draco.

‘Hello’ Harry starts. ‘I know we reacted badly back there, but we came to apologise. It isn’t our place to judge who you date or choose to spend your time with and after consideration we would like to apologise for our actions’

Y/N smiled at them, her heart filling with warmth.

‘Now, this isn’t to say that we like you, Malfoy, however, we will tolerate you, for Y/N’s sake. But if you do anything to ever hurt her, you’ll have us to answer to. Ok?’ Harry finished his lecture, staring at Draco, making sure he understood what was being said.

Draco laughed at the thought of them confronting him, but he reassured them, ‘don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of hurting Y/N’ Finishing his sentence by taking her hand in his.

‘Now, let's get back to the castle, dinner is about to start and if we’re missing without reason we’ll be in big trouble, let alone if they find us in the forbidden forest’ Hermione reminded them, as they began their walk back to Hogwarts. A place where they could be whoever they wanted to be, regardless of their family, their background, their actions. A place they truly called home.

#draco malfoy imagines #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy imagine #harry potter imagines #hp imagines #harry potter imagine

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winterhawk-olympic-bang · 4 years ago

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How To Edit Your Writing

Guest Poster: Chronicwhimsy

Here is our final Writer Workshop post, written by Chronicwhimsy. Have a read and then head over to the Discord Server where we have a channel for you to take part in a discussion based on the post, with chances to share your own ideas too.

Editing: a drive-by guide

Hi, my name is Claire, and I’m an editor.

(Hi Claire)

I’ve been asked to give a quick guide on tips for editing your stories, as I’ve been a beta/editor for various fanfic writers over the years. I’m a professional editor, working for a publishing house in the UK, and I offer independent freelance editing too, via my website. I’ll be on the Discord server answering questions this evening, but I’m also happy to chat to people either through my website or even if you wanted to drop me a line on tumblr.

The key thing to remember about editing is that the end goal is to make your story the best it can be, and make sure your initial idea comes across as clearly and purely as you first imagined it. It’s about ensuring that the lines of communication between you and your reader are 100% open.

To do that, you need to have finished your story, because you can’t fix something that doesn’t exist.

Then you edit.

What now?

So, you’ve finished your Winterhawk Olympic Bang Fic, and you’re wondering what to do next?

The very first, and most important thing you should do? Celebrate. I mean congratulate the hell out of yourself, pat yourself on the back, and have some cake. Finishing stories is hard. Getting through a first draft is one of the trickiest parts of writing, so you should be proud of yourself, and proud of your story.

Because in a short while, editing is going to make you hate both.

I mean that in the nicest possible way of course, but you absolutely are going to be thoroughly sick of this whole thing by the time you’re done, and you’re going to question everything you’ve ever written. You’re going to get a close-up view of all your narrative bad habits which will make you think you’ve never had any skill at all, and you’re going to re-read your work so many times that it’ll feel trite, old, uninspired. This is normal and it is your brain lying to you. If you remember nothing else, remember that!

“The writing itself is no big deal. The editing, and even more than that, the self-doubt, is excruciatingly impossible.” Jonathan Safran Foer

Don’t lose faith! Editors and editing exist for a reason, no first draft is perfect. You’ve done something amazing in finishing, and now you’re going to make it incredible.

Before You Start - Take a Break

You know the phrase “can’t see the wood for the trees”? It could just as easily be “can’t see the story for the words.” It’s never recommended to go straight into editing as soon as you finish writing, and part of the reason for that is because you’re too deep in the story to be able to assess it objectively, or to catch things that are missed out because you know they’re there, but the reader wouldn’t.

“Once it's done, put it away until you can read it with new eyes. When you're ready, pick it up and read it, as if you've never read it before.” Neil Gaiman

Most writers and editors advocate putting a story away for a month or so before returning to edit, so you’re looking at it with fresh eyes. Obviously, with a Big Bang (or other fic event) this sort of time is usually at a premium! Try and make as much space as you can while still leaving yourself time to edit.

If you really don’t have any time, one trick that can help is changing your location. If you write in your room, can you relocate to your kitchen? Or a café (if you can safely)? Could you print it out? (Printing Top Tip: if you do print it, try and do it double-spaced - this makes it easier on the eyes, and gives you room to make notes. Also, serif fonts can often be easier to read than sans serif fonts, as it gives stronger distinctions between different letters.)

The Filter System

I like to think of the editing process as a series of different filters which, when used one after the other, produce a finely-sieved finished product. Each filter stage has slightly smaller holes than the one before it, as you look increasingly closely at your work.

Filter 1: Structural editing

Does the story make sense? Is the pace okay? Do all the scenes work where they are, or would they be better elsewhere? Do some scenes need to be there at all? Is the characterisation consistent? Does anyone change names halfway through? Did you forget what time of year it was set halfway through?

Filter 2: Line editing

Is this phrase as tight as it could be? Have you repeated yourself anywhere? Does this sentence add anything or does it throw the pace off? Have you gone overboard with adjectives and similes? Have you been too sparse with them?

Filter 3: Copy editing

Is your style consistent? Did you start writing in present tense and switch to past tense? Could this scene transition be snappier? Are there any bits that you want to tidy up? Have you left any half-finished sentences because you got distracted before you could end it?

Filter 4: Proofreading

Is everything spelled correctly? Have you caught all the strange grammar mistakes?

Some of these things might be picked up by your beta reader if you have one. Different beta readers have different styles, and also they will work based on their relationship with you and what you prefer. Some may stick to proofreading and consistency-checking, others may be more confident to dive right in and look at structure, pacing and characterisation. Some may work through the process with you as you write, others may only look at the story when it’s complete so they can get a full overview. There is no right or wrong answer, and having a conversation with your beta about your respective styles at the start can help you work better together!

Filter 1 - Structural Editing

For this stage, you want to read your whole story through from start to finish, and resist the urge to tweak anything to begin with! You will want a way of making notes as you go through because as you do, you’ll make yourself a cheat-sheet to help you with your line edit. Things to keep track of:

Character name spellings

Character ages

Character relationships (drawing a relationship web can be very helpful to visualise this!)

The time span of the story - the date it starts, the date it ends.

As a subset of this, I find it can be very helpful to set up a spreadsheet with a timeline of what happens in the story, and who is involved. Doing this both chronologically for the characters and in order of how it happens in the story can help you keep track of what characters know when, and also when the readers find out certain information. You might have one of these from when you were planning your story (as detailed in Sara Holmes’ workshop). If you’ve kept it up to date with changes to the plot and structure as you’ve written, this will be super helpful.

At this stage, you’re looking to see if everything works as a consistent story. You want to check to see if it feels like it’s the right pace, or if there are bits where it drags or rushes through the action. Why is this? Are there scenes which aren’t adding anything to the progress? Could they just be referred to in passing, or removed entirely without impacting the story? Are there other scenes which need to be added to provide more detail and growth? Is there anything that you as a writer know that is essential to the story, but you forgot to actually put in the text?

“Crafty writers...don't allow Exposition to form Lumps. They break up the information, grind it fine, and make it into bricks to build the story with.” Ursula K. Le Guin

You’re also looking to see if the characters feel true to themselves all the way through. Do the relationships spark? Do they sound like themselves? Can you hear them in your head?

Some people recommend doing several structural edits, with a different focus each time. One pass to look at the pacing, one pass to look at the characters, one to look at the story arc. You’ll work out what floats your boat, but you will be re-reading this story a lot of times before you’re done editing - which is why it’s very important to write what you love and want to read! You’ll go through many stages of hating this story before you let it go, and that will be even harder if it wasn’t something you enjoyed in the first place.

Filter 2 - Line Editing

So you remember I told you to make all those notes during your structural edit? Here’s where you’re going to use them. Now’s the time to go through your story line by line and check that the details in your cheat sheet are correct all the way through the story. I’ve written a novel that I initially set in November, but by the time I finished it, I’d decided it was taking place in early May. I had to go back and fix all the dates and weather descriptions to make sure the action hadn’t actually been yeeted forward six months spontaneously in the middle of a conversation.

Arguably, the line edit will be the most painful part of editing. At this stage, you will be taking a fine-tooth comb to everything you have written, examining it to within an inch of its life, and casting judgement. You’re going to find every stylistic tic you have (for me, everyone is constantly quirking their eyebrows and smirking like they’ve got cramp in their facial muscles), and you’re going to get rid of them (a person only has so many eyebrows, and they can only quirk so far). Now is the time to kill your darlings - don’t hang on to anything unless you feel it’s really doing a job to further the story and the characters.

“Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler's heart, kill your darlings.” Stephen King

If you have ever worried about the unbearable sensation of being Known, the line edit is where you will experience that with every word, and you’ll be doing it to yourself. This is when the doubts will really start to creep in and you will maybe feel like everything you write is unoriginal, derivative trash and unfit for human eyes.

Here I’ll reiterate what I said above:

This is a normal feeling, everyone experiences it when editing. E V E R Y O N E.

It’s a lie. No-one else will ever read your story in this state, no-one else will ever read your story this closely. Of course it feels obvious and uninspired to you - you wrote it. It’s your idea, and you’ve read it several times, it holds no surprises for you. (I may be projecting my feelings from every time I’ve edited something here, but…)

You’ll also be catching any ELEPHANTS or whatever your mammal of choice for placeholder text is that you’ve stationed throughout the story as a flag for you to come back and add in a name, or a food, or a song title later. You know, the things you decided were a problem for Future!You. I have bad news, the future is now.

Top Tip: if you have changed someone’s name halfway through, DON’T for the love of Mike, just do a straight find and replace to correct it. Because that’s when you suddenly find out how many other words actually contain names (Mark became Bill? That’s great, until your characters are going to the superBillet to buy groceries). Some word processing programmes have a “whole word” option which is your friend, otherwise ensure to put spaces either side of the word when you search. If you don’t, you’ve just made another horrible job for yourself...

Filter 3 - Copy Editing

Once you’ve made it out the other side of the Line Edit (and given yourself a nice treat to congratulate yourself because that stage is HARD), we get onto copy editing. This is basically the set-dressing stage. You’ve built the house, you’ve decorated the room, and now you’re just making sure every bit of furniture is in the right place for optimal feng shui.

Here’s where you go through and go, do I really need a dash here, or could I just use a comma? Could I use fewer commas? Could I go in and move all of @kangofu_cb’s commas around because I’m the sort of person who will come into your house and change how you hang your toilet paper or where you keep your ketchup.

Now is the time to be as picky as possible, like you’re an interior designer for the most demanding client in the world and the ornament must be exactly equidistant from both ends of the mantlepiece and facing precisely south-west. Things that may have just survived your line edit will be measured again, and if they’re found wanting, then they get binned.

“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” Mark Twain

Another thing you might like to do here is check that all your features and things are correct. Did you make a wild claim about the lifecycle of salamanders, or the average price of corn and then never go back to verify this? Take a second to just do that now. It may be that you decide it’s not a problem (I received one copy edit note saying that an idiom used in a book wasn’t recorded until 200 years later, and I made the editorial decision that no-one would care), but for bigger things you may want to make sure you’re accurate.

If you google it (as I just did, to make sure I was definitely giving you the right information), copy editing is often conflated with line editing, and that’s because in reality a lot of the elements of copy editing actually wouldn’t usually be done by the author, and are probably irrelevant to fanfic. The copy editor is responsible for ensuring the book has a consistent grammatical style in line with the preferences of the publisher (em-dash or en-dash, curly quote marks or straight ones, how you deal with acronyms, what needs to be italicised, etc. etc.), which isn’t necessarily required for fanfic. In reality, for fanfic I’d use this stage as a second, lighter line-edit to see where things can be tightened up in phrasing, as well as perhaps a preliminary proofread where you start to mark up any spelling errors.

Filter 4 - Proofreading

By this stage, you’ll be exhausted, and sick to death of the blasted thing. But the end is in sight! Now you’re onto the proofread. This is another close read, where you go through and check for spelling errors, typos, missing full stops, strange formatting stuff (which probably will be less of an issue as AO3 basically makes everything uniform anyway).

Before you even start this, change your font.

We’ve all been there, thought we’d caught every spelling error, every weird typo, only to spot six immediately after posting. That’s because after a certain point our brain becomes used to the font we’ve written in, and will automatically correct things that aren’t right. AO3 has its own unique formatting - colour, spacing, font - and the minute your fic appears on there in this new format you brain wakes up and is like “oh shit, yeah, that’s not how it should be.”

By changing the font before you proofread, you preempt this step.

Another thing to remember: it’s unlikely you will ever catch every mistake. Published books regularly go out with a smattering of typographical errors throughout the text - how many first editions of books are valuable because of misspellings that slipped through the net? You’re only human.

“Connie's other job was proof-editing which she did very badly. Transferring the author's corrections to a clean sheet of proofs was something Connie was unable to do without missing an average of three corrections a page, or transcribing newly inserted material all wrong... she put angry authors' letters about the mutilation of their books under the cushion of her chair to deal with later.” Muriel Spark, A Far Cry from Kensington

Often, spelling errors and things you would look for in a proofread are things that a beta reader will pick up as they go, as they’re the easiest things to spot, but it’s also worth looking over yourself for anything your beta might have missed.

Whether you decide to follow any or all of these steps, always do the proofread last.There is no point carefully spellchecking a chapter you are then going to delete, or proofreading the whole thing, but adding loads of new paragraphs later that either don’t get looked at or mean you end up having to proofread twice. That’s the only hard and fast rule when it comes to editing, and it will save you a lot of unnecessary work!

FREEDOM

And then, finally, unbelievably - you’re done. Your literary child is ready to leave the nest. Resist the urge to keep re-reading and tweaking. Instead, click “publish” and give yourself a nice little treat. You’ve earned it.

Miscellany and Disclaimers

These editing stages are ones that would be applied to a published novel. An author would probably do this several times - once on their own to get it ready for submission, then perhaps again with their agent, but the really heavy work would be done with their editor. The structural edit would be done under the advice of an agent or editor where the author looks at their comments, rejigs things accordingly, and lather, rinse, repeat until everyone’s happy. The editor would undertake the line edit, and the author would decide what they wanted to keep or change. The copy edit and proofread would be done in-house or sent to freelancers, with queries and changes wafted past the author for clarification or approval.

Self-published authors will often hire freelancers to help at various stages to get feedback and advice.

Very rarely would an author go from draft to final published piece by doing all their editing alone. Because it’s hard fucking work, and because your brain will get exhausted.

In light of that, you need to remember:

You’ve written a fanfic

The editorial standards of fanfic are significantly less stringent than published books

Editing by yourself is really hard work that many people are often paid to do for published books

No-one is paying you for your fanfic

Fanfic is supposed to be fun

Some published authors will edit and rewrite and edit and rewrite again and again. At a panel I attended, Joanne Harris said that if she didn’t rewrite her work at least five times she was being too easy on herself, while Joe Hill said he usually aimed for three rewrites - Joe edited as he went along, going over the previous day’s pages before continuing, where Joanne completed her manuscripts before editing. Elizabeth May has talked about her stages of drafting, starting with her Trash Draft, then her Clean Draft, and then rewriting and editing after that.

These are people who are writing professionally, getting paid for their work, and so the time they put in has monetary results. If you want to write original fiction, their advice is extremely valuable.

For fanfiction, it’s a large time investment for something you’re doing as a hobby for free. If I’m strictly honest, I’m fairly lax with my fanfiction editing. I do structural discussions and tweaks with my beta reader as I write, and then a spell check. I’m also aware that my fanfics aren’t narratively complex, nor do they seem as polished, rich and deep as some of the other works out there. That’s fine by me. You simply need to find the level you’re happy at, where you can still feel proud of your work but you’re enjoying the experience.

In the end - it’s all for fun!

Resources:

Online

Curtis Brown Creative: An Editor’s Guide to Editing Your Novel

Joanne Harris: Ten Tweets About Editing

Joanne Harris: Writing Resources

NerdsLikeMe: Beta Reading vs Proofreading vs Editing

Books

Stephen King - On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

Ursula K. Le Guin - Steering the Craft: Exercises and Discussions on Story Writing for the Lone Navigator or the Mutinous Crew

#winterhawk #winterhawk olympic bang #whob #writer workshops #writer workshop: editing #guest post #chronicwhimsy

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citadelspires · 4 years ago

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since I’m more or less back in business I feel it’s past time I ramble about another au I will (probably) never write. I’ll start off simple with an amphibia owl house au I was thinking up last night at work. (slight disclaimer that I have not seen any of season 2 yet so this is with exclusively information through the end of season 1). Concept below the cut cause it’s a pretty extensive one.

The concept starts at the same point the owl house does, more or less. Camila is concerned, Luz is getting sent to summer camp etc. etc. This time she gets distracted by an unusually pink frog hopping into the woods, and decides she probably has time to go chase after it. So she follows it into the woods until she suddenly trips over something and falls to the ground, turning around she sees it to be a music box sticking out of the forest floor. Curious, she digs it up and starts examining it. She thinks it’s really pretty and she’s about to open it when she hears voices coming from nearby and goes to check it out.

She finds Willow and Amity in a small clearing, think essentially the scene in the actual owl house where she sees them for the first time, except here they’re both human, though Luz doesn’t know them because they both go to some pretentious private school, Amity because she’s a Blight so she had to, and Willow because she got a scholarship for it and didn’t have the heart to tell her dads she didn’t really want to go. The scene plays out in a similar fashion to how it does in the actual show, with the exception that this time without the magic element Luz doesn’t feel the need to keep hiding and instead marches up from her hiding place to chew out Amity for being a jerk. Unfortunately she stumbles on a tree root as she approaches and, still holding the music box, accidentally pops the lid open.

So that’s how the three of them get transported to Amphibia. I like the idea of taking the setup and world of Amphibia, which we’ve seen through the lens of the characters that got transported all being close “friends”, and coming at it from a different perspective, i.e. one of them is a complete stranger to the other two and the two that do know eachother are already not on very good terms going in. (Amity and Willow have essentially the same history in the au that they do in toh).

Luz is dropped right in the middle of Newtopia, and while she’s very excited about the prospect of a fantasy adventure, she’s also pretty worried that she has no idea how to get back home, and she doesn’t take to the city as well as Marcy did. Part of this is due to her having her doubts about the ruler of Amphibia, who in this case is not Andrias, but Lilith(I understand Belos is probably a more fitting character for the role but I just don’t know enough of his character or really care about him enough to implement him, so Lilith it is! She’s more interesting for the setup anyway, depending on what Andrias’ weird master thing ends up being, maybe that would be a belos type deal but honestly I’d probably just not implement that part into this. If you can’t tell this is much less a “amphibia but with the owl house cast” and more of a actual approach to writing something new with the old setting and characters).

This is mostly due to the fact that, while wondering around the city attracting suspicious stares from newts that have never seen someone like her before, she ends up bumping into a newt who appears to be running from the majority of the city guards. They both fall down and Luz helps her stand up, a showing that is enough to convince the guards that, whatever the weird creature is, it’s in league with the felon, so they begin chasing her too. The criminal newt, who is of course Eda, takes pity on her and brings her along to her hideout, where she meets a weird little robot that insists she refer to him as King. He begins to declare that his full title is “King of...” and then kinda falters off as he seems to realize he actually isn’t quite sure what he is. Luz gives Eda a concerned Look but she just kinda shrugs it off and says he always does that.

Luz finds out that Eda deals in the trade of questionable artifacts and considers herself pretty lucky to find someone like that as soon as she did, and she asks if Eda knows anything about a music box, describing it as best as she can, because she didn’t really think to take any pictures. For her part, Eda is pretty sure what it is, and that’s the moment where she resolves to watch over Luz, at first just because she’s Concerned the box is back in Amphibia, though it eventually ends up that she gets a soft spot for the kid.

Though Luz doesn’t find out a good deal of this until later, and it’s gradually, Eda is still Lilith’s sister here, meaning that yes, she had equal claim to the newtopian crown, but the history of the crown never sat well with her (i.e. she finds out newtopia was built on the foundation of bloody conquest, along with the fact that it’s encouraged they want to get back to that point and nopes out of there). While she’s on her way out she starts off her new life of stealing shiny things by grabbing a weird little statue that had always seemed kinda off to her. She figures she could sell it at least, but while looking over it after escaping she realizes that it isn’t a statue at all, but what she decides must have been a defective robot from newtopia’s past, being much smaller and more... expressive? Than it should have been. For some reason she decided to try fixing it, and though it took a good deal of time she eventually got it to work again, which is how she came to be friends with King.

Luz’ story is largely slice of life relationship building with her, Luz, and King, until the point where the path to the valley opens, and the three of them go on what Luz finds out is an annual trip Eda takes around the valley to see if she can find anything interesting to add to her stand, as well as find new customers in the valley. Luz figures if she has a shot at finding either of the two girls she came with, and hopefully the box too, it would be on that trip.

Willow gets thrown into Toad Tower before she even realizes what’s happening to her. She has no idea where she is, didn’t even get a good look at Luz before the teleportation happened back on earth, and is overall not having a great time. She’s not convinced she’s not dreaming until she’s literally tossed into her cell and the impact hurts enough that she’s sure she’s really there. At first she believes she’s alone in her cell until she hears an awe-filled voice ask what she is and why she’s there. She isn’t able to figure out where the voice is coming from until a tiny blue frog jumps up on her hand. She introduces herself as a human, which gets him very excited, and he introduces himself as Gus, explaining that he was thrown in prison for “almost kind of knowing things he shouldn’t” as he put it.

It turns out Gus is something of a scholar, though he admits that most frogs are more inclined to call him a crazed conspiracy theorist. All of his studies have to do with mysterious other worlds and their inhabitants, which he has always been stubbornly insistent do exist. He’s overjoyed that he finally has “a real life specimen!!” and Willow is excited enough at the idea that there might be someone who actually knows what happened to her that she lets that comment slide. She quickly finds out what the meaning behind his weird prison sentence is, as she brings up getting sent to this world from another, and he attempts for a wise nod as he goes “ah yes, you must have experience an encounter with the calamity bucket.” Still he’s kind of helpful and he and Willow get along pretty well, so they end up hanging out together for the rest of the story, he basically tags along everywhere with her Jiminy Cricket style.

Amity has arguably the hardest time adjusting to the world she suddenly finds herself in, as she ends up in the forest on the outskirts of Wartwood, and promptly determines that this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to her. Despite having the box that “weird girl” used to send them here, opening it and closing it over again provided no help at all, and trying to go into Wartwood provided even less. Still being in Full Blight mindset she is really haughty and superior and the townspeople do not take it well. Even deducing Toadstool as the only persons superficial enough to potentially care about her status, she can’t get anything out of him cause he views her as a massive publicity risk, which he’s already not doing super well at.

The only frogs in the village that seem to not turn away from her immediately are a mischievous pair of frog twins that joke around and mess with her, and though it’s all lighthearted she’s stubborn enough at first that when they do offer to help her out she flat out refuses them. Eventually between living in a cave and their hanging around her whenever she’s in town anyway she’s worn down enough that she begrudgingly accepts their offer of help.

Not being Blights in this au has done a good deal in the way of making Edric and Emira happier. While they’re just as much of tricksters as they always are, and they occasionally overstep a little in their jests, they’re quick to apologize, and lack any of the actual malice behind their knack for causing trouble. The two of them run one of the stands in the marketplace, something they get Amity to help out with eventually as the town warms up to her. The two of them find it easier to grow closer to Amity than the rest of the town does, maybe it’s cause they’re the only ones who have really tried, or maybe it’s cause they’ve got a reputation for being trouble in the town already anyway. Whatever it is Amity gets begrudgingly closer to them until she eventually refers to them as her siblings once, and though they refuse to let her hear the end of it for a few days, they’d been calling her their little sister since the beginning, and while Amity had been certain for a long time they were just doing it to mess with her she starts to like it eventually.

Like in Amphibia, the three girls all represent one aspect of the Heart, Strength, Mind trio. Figuring out what those all are takes a lot more for these girls than it does for the amphibia trio though. The focus of this story is less on the relationships the characters have, though that is definitely a part of it, and more on the attributes their assigned to and the personal growth they have. Each of them holds the attribute that is both their strongest and most repressed. The three all hold themselves at very little value in the areas they’re actually the strongest in, and through their journey in Amphibia they start to learn.

Willow had always believed that strength was an inherently negative thing. Strength equated to power, and people who had power used it to hurt others, without fail. People like, well, Amity. She prefers gentleness and peace, and to her that and strength is mutually exclusive. She reacts to the concept that she could be charging the box with the attribute of strength very negatively.

Through her time in Amphibia she gets to learn that her strength can come in different forms, and while she is undeniably strong physically, her physical strength is nothing compared to her emotional resolve and capacity to extend that emotional resolve in the strength of heart to pick up the people around her when they need it. She does, though, get to learn that power isn’t something that is inherently evil, and even that if she uses the strength she has to protect the things that are important to her, that doesn’t mean she’s forsaken any of the things believes.

aka she gets to punch a heron in the face. Boscha (captain of toad tower) is very impressed, though she pretends she isn’t. Speaking of Boscha, she gets to experience a similar development to Willow, but more on the reverse side of the coin. Having always been powerful, and that having always been enough to make her more important than everyone else, Willow strikes her as weak at first, given her lack of aggression. The longer she stays stuck with Willow though, the more she comes to realize some important things, foremost among them being that Willow could totally kick her ass, and just chooses not to, which isn’t something Boscha understands at all, and Willow ends up teaching her how to be more of a person than a weapon, even just leading by example.

Much to Willow’s complete disbelief, (she swears to Luz the box is broken and they’re doomed), Amity is the heart. Amity doesn’t really believe it either. Strength would’ve been Okay, but personally she would’ve picked the attribute of intelligence for her. It was like the box went through all the effort of looking into their souls and didn’t even bother to check her report card. Ludicrous. It doesn’t help her that her time in wartwood is miserable for a good deal of the start. For the first time in her life Amity isn’t perfect, and it’s all because there’s nothing to be perfect at in this stupid little town. She should have all the frogs praising her superiority, but literally None Of Them are impressed by her in the slightest. They didn’t even have a school!

The only thing Amity took to quickly in Wartwood was the town motto, resolving that she would be even slower to respect the citizens of Wartwood than they would her. This started off a bit of a rivalry between her and the town, but the longer she had the horrible influence of her parents replaced by the well meaning nagging from her frog siblings, and the more time she spent not being perfect because for once in her life she literally couldn’t be, she started to think it wasn’t so bad after all, and the little rivalry between her and the town became much less of a real one, and a lot more of the friendly banter type, though she couldn’t recall ever making a concious choice to do so it just sorta... happened.

Eventually she starts to think about the school she was initially so annoyed didn’t exist, and begins to wonder if really no one is gonna do anything about it being in ruins. Eventually, she starts going over to the ruined building and reading to whatever kids in wartwood were in the mood to listen. before she knew it she had built up the closest thing to a school Wartwood had in a while, and where she once would have felt a smug pride, she only felt a casual happiness that was new to her, but not entirely unpleasant.

Luz never would have considered herself good at any of the three options. She knows she’s not strong so that’s out. All the kids at school think she’s weird and she has no friends so she really doesn’t think the whole “heart” thing works in any capacity. But the only thing left besides that would be intelligence, and she’s had enough students and teachers alike call her out for being an idiot that she’s absolutely confident that isn’t it. It doesn’t help that since she’s with Eda, who actually knows what the box is, she ends up worrying over what she’s supposed to be from the very start. She spends a lot of the time before the valley opens up thinking the box made a mistake, and since she didn’t have any of the attributes it wanted it wouldn’t work again at all.

In the end she only finds out what she’s supposed to be through process of elimination. Knowing Willow is strength and Amity is heart she finally comes to the realization that she’s supposed to be intelligence, and her confidence crumbles. Of all the options that’s the one she’d been hoping it wouldn’t be the most. How could so many people be wrong after all? It was pretty unanimous back home that she didn’t really have much going on upstairs, and after hearing it enough time she had gotten around to believing it. Her path in the story largely focuses on coming to terms with her own worth, despite her insecurities and the weight of everything she’s ever heard to the contrary constantly on her mind.

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ayuuria · 5 years ago

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Yashahime Translation: Animage December 2020 Issue (Part 2)

Please do not repost this translation without my consent! This includes screenshots of any type or amount. If you wish to share this translation, simply link to this post.

For more information regarding the use of my translations, click here.

This month’s Animage article was quite loaded with 6 pages of content. It consisted of an illustration with Kohaku and Hisui (2 pages), an interview with Kimura Ryōhei and Urao Takehiro (2 pages), and an interview with Uru (2 pages). That being said, this translation has been split into two parts.

Part 1: Interview with Kimura Ryōhei and Urao Takehiro Part 2: Interview with Uru

Click here to read Part 1

The Light of Recollection The Cool First Ending Theme “Break”

Song, Lyrics, and Composition by Uru

An ending video broadcast full of suggestiveness, tied together with a clear singing voice and wonderous imagery. We unravel the charm through an interview and image cuts.

The ending theme for “Hanyō no Yashahime” is “Break” by Uru, an artist who mainly puts her work on Youtube. It is an impressive song with a pleasant beat and a singing voice that holds a mix of transparency and strength at its core. This is a song that Uru wrote after reading the script of the main story. The lyrics are based off the regret that Towa has long held towards Setsuna and confronting that anguish stemming from her kindness. Also, not only is the setting of the work and the characters feelings diversely woven in, but universal themes of modern society are woven in as well. The ending cinematic that unfolds from “Break” uses soft colors. There are Japanese motifs scattered everywhere and creates a sense of being in a dream. You can feel a story telling nature at the end as the three of them walk together in the same direction after searching for something separately. In accordance with the change of their relationship in the main story, the way one sees the ending cinematic may change as well.

Towa’s Emotions and Regret as She Anguishes from Her Kindness

— Did you previously watch “Inuyasha”?

Uru: I watched anime when I was a child. I remember my heart skipping a beat when I watched the exchanges between Inuyasha and Kagome, even as a child. This time, when discussions of “Hanyō no Yashahime” was presented to me; I went back and rewatched “Inuyasha” but I thought “Was there this much decapitation (of demons) before…?”. I love horror works, so I still found it fun even when I rewatched it. Not only is “Inuyasha” very popular overseas but “Hanyō no Yashahime”, which is continuing that world, seems like an anime that will be loved by many people. I feel nervous to be singing the ending theme for such a work.

— How did you go about creating the new song based on what you knew about the story of “Hanyō no Yashahime?”

Uru: I read the entire completed script (translator’s note: completed at the time). Since the story’s protagonist is a girl this time, I was excited to see how the story would unfold but as I continued to read, it left quite an impression that while the protagonist, Towa, is a strong girl, she is very kind at her core. There were scenes where she suffered in battle because of that kindness, so I thought up the lyrics using that as a base.

— The regret that Towa has is certainly expressed in the starting lyrics.

Uru: Yes, I imagined the scene where Towa became separated from Setsuna in the forest fire. The part where the story unfolds as Towa drags those emotions from that time is, what I feel, an essential point to this work. The regret of letting go of that hand despite having an existence she wanted to protect. Plus, the feeling of wanting to return to those peaceful days they spent living together. For that reason, I think that is what drives Towa’s actions.

— In part 2 of the song, there is the phrase “Piling a number of fake guises”

Uru: There are scenes where Towa is unable to inflict the finishing blow upon the enemy during battle and Setsuna chides her for it. Also, while she can fight those who come at her, she can’t make a preemptive attack on someone who seems likely to attack her. Somewhere inside her, there’s something that can’t Break free from its shell. It’s a part that I wrote imagining something like “There are a number of selves within her carrying all different emotions.” Basically, it’s like even though she has something she wants to protect, there’s a part of her that can’t seem to get stronger.

— Not only can you think that part 1 is Towa’s and part 2 is Setsuna’s song, but you can also feel that it pertains to Sesshōmaru and Inuyasha.

Uru: I think that kind of interpretation is viable. They are lyrics drawn from different angles… You see, at the time I was writing the lyrics, there was some sad news which involved social media. You could say that for me, I linked this work to that timely situation. Social media feels like a bunch of lined up icons but there is always someone existing on the other side, you know. You can say things you can’t say in real life and easily hurt someone when you create an anonymous account and hide your face and name.

— I see, hence “Piling a number of fake guises”.

Uru: That is what sprouted from the story of “Hanyō no Yashahime” coupled with the feeling of wanting to say, “Right now, the one who is here is you.” Also, in the D melody, there’s a lyric that says “To foster strength in order to protect someone”; Even if Towa can’t initiate the offensive, she’s willing to risk her life to protect those who ought to be protected. When I felt that is what fosters her strength, I realized that she had the same thoughts as me.

— It is like Tessaiga in that you can begin to wield it when you have a heart that cares for people. The universality of “Inuyasha” and “Hanyō no Yashahime” have linked well with Uru-san’s feelings.

A Song That Gets Closer to the Work as the Story Progresses

— Next, please tell us about the composition of the music

Uru: This is a story about going between the feudal and modern eras, so I wanted to make the music mysterious. The part that starts from “In the corner of my memory”, there’s an independent melody that’s only found in that part; I imagined an introduction that felt like opening the door of time. In the part after that, in order to connect to the vigorousness of the hook (translator’s note: the high point of a song), I expressed the determination in oneself.

— Did you ever give instructions to song arranger, Yaffle?

Uru: It connects to what we’re talking about right now, but I wanted the low tone of the first half to feel like a coolness that held back temperature, so there’s not much of a chord. However, I did request things like a hook with a rhythm that could go well with fight scenes or that I wanted a chord that was easy to become familiar with. Yaffle-san is someone who always makes wonderful arrangements, so that’s all I really told him. Actually, I think he made it really fancy. In order to match the base that Yaffle-san created, I really held back and suppressed my voice until the hook. Then I sang the hook as though letting everything out at once.

— After seeing it, what did you think of the ending cinematic that was broadcasted?

Uru: I’m always nervous the first time the song plays. I wonder if my song truly fits the work. However, it was very lovely so that made me happy. The traditional Japanese designs were especially impressionable. I liked how they made it into bands instead of the whole screen. The atmosphere of the entire screen used gentle colors instead of snapping (from one thing to another) (translator’s note: not confident on the translation of this sentence). Also, I was inspired by the figure of the three’s back sides together at the “Right now, we’re all right here” part. It a had a different touch from the rest (of the song) and it had a kind of recollective feel to it.

— Lastly, please give a message to our readers.

Uru: I’m deeply honored to have sung the ending theme for “Hanyō no Yashahime” this time. I created “Break” hoping that it would get closer to the story as it progressed. I would love for you to be able to enjoy the song as you listen to it.

Creating images “Within a Dream”

Ending Storyboard – production direction: Lim Kahee

— What sort of impression did you get when you first heard the ending song, “Break”?

Lim: It’s difficult to put the shock at that time into words. I thought it was a song that had a lot of depth, gentleness, and strength. Like… waking from an important dream that you mustn’t forget. I felt a lot of pressure like “I have to create a cinematic that won’t lose to this song…!” (laughs).

— Based on the story and the composition of the music, what sort of cinematic theme did you think of? In terms of the image, I felt as though it was a story of “The three who were searching for something separately, come together at the end and walk in the same direction.”

Lim: For the most part, I organized the storyline as you said so I’m a little relieved that it came through. I wanted to entrust the interpretation to the various people watching, so rather than a cinematic that conforms perfectly to the lyrics, it took its shape from mixing together everything and reconstructing it: the direction of the story, the lyrics, and the melody. This time, I wanted the song to really be felt, so I threw away unnecessary information from the screen and created something that’s close to the “image”. Creating plenty of white space on the screen, I focused on creating a picture that wasn’t lonely. Using white so boldly was personally challenging for me. I was so scared like “What’ll I do if it comes across as incomplete” (laughs)

— Uru-san told us “Why did you think of Japanese style from this song? It’s very lovely.” What do you think?

Lim: Thank you very much. You see, director Satō Teruo-san gave me this order at the time of the ending’s ordering, “Please put in Japanese style things into the cinematic”. Conversely, that was the only order I received from the director, so I was free to do whatever for the rest. I was at a loss as to what direction to take prior to the ending order meeting, but a single requirement was created which made thinking easy after that. It’s just that I was a little unsure as to how to “incorporate Japanese things”. Rather than using Japanese goods as is, I focused on inserting the designs into the screen so that it would balance with the three’s clothes.

— Additionally, I felt a lot of devices being used such as instead of the outlines of the three girls being black, they were sliver, gold, and red, or that the back sides of the three girls was drawn with a color penciled touch.

Lim: First, after respectfully listening to the song, I wanted to create images “Within a dream”, so I thought I would create an unrealistic space. I thought drawing the three girls in a way that you wouldn’t seen much in the main story would be fun for the ending, so I challenged myself in different aspects. In terms of colors, the song was fairytale-like so I made a request to color designer, Satō Miyuki-san, saying that I would like the cinematic to have a pale image, and made adjustments. There was a lot of trial and error to get the image we were aiming for, so being told this makes me happy.

1) Towa opens her eyes in a white space. The silver outline and use of pale colors brings a fairytale-like atmosphere to the screen.

2) Also in this white space is Setsuna, laying down. To her side, the gold rainbow pearl in her possession rolls past.

3) Moroha opens her eyes in the same way. The movement of making a small frown is just like her. Japanese motifs like the Japanese umbrella appear and continue into the next cut.

4) The three of them start walking; Each slowly looking around as though searching for something. The gorgeous bands (translator’s note: the kanji translates to the obi found on kimonos) draws the eye.

5) On the band behind Setsuna, a sparrow motif that seems to associate with her technique (translator’s note: aka attack move) is also inlayed.

6) Moroha opens her eyes and starts running as though she has found something. The action of her sniffing out a scent resembles that of her father, Inuyasha.

7) The sliding doors that appear in the backdrop open, the tune goes to its hook (high point of the song). The paper doors that quickly open and appear many times makes the climax of the song prominent.

8) At the hook of the song, the stirring poses of the three of them holding their weapons appears. With the outline becoming black, there is a greater sense of strength.

9) The impressionable color penciled touch of their back sides. The sense of roughness that the three of them have in the main story is undeniable but, will they walk onward in the same direction like in this illustration?

10) In the last cut are the rainbow pearls that the three girls possess. The brilliant high-quality goods surrounded by Japanese motifs finishes off the ending video.

#Yashahime #Hanyou no Yashahime #Yashahime: Princess Half-Demon #Translation #Uru

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miskatonicaquarium · 5 years ago

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Weird Fiction/Cosmic Horror Recommends

In a time of general uncertainty and anxiety, one thing that is certain is that weird fiction/cosmic horror has got your back. If you like to combat your growing sense of existential dread by reading about other people’s growing sense of existential dread, this is a list for you. Where texts and shows are available online, I have included links. Where they are not, I have included links to where they are available to buy.

Books

Agents of Dreamland – Caitlin R Kiernan

Government agents, ritual murders, a doomsday cult and a glitch in NASA’s interplanetary probe all feature in this deeply frightening and deftly written novella that takes classic Lovecraftian tropes and expands on them with mesmerising skill.

Wanderers – Chuck Wendig

When a sleepwalking epidemic hits America, those affected head towards a destination known only to themselves. Desperate to keep their loved ones safe, ‘shepherds’ follow the growing group to protect them on their journey. This is an incredibly rewarding read stuffed full of complex characters, apocalyptic horror and a long hard look at human nature.

Winter Tide – Ruthanna Emrys

After the government raid on Innsmouth, Aphra and Caleb Marsh are the only inhabitants of the town to survive the desert internment camps. When confidential, dangerous magic is stolen from Miskatonic University, the FBI are forced to turn to the last of the Marsh’s for help. An evocative and sympathetic novel that takes the antagonists of Lovecraft’s works and paints them in a new light.

The Fisherman – John Langan

This is considered to be a modern classic of the genre and for good reason. It’s best to go into this one as blind as possible so I’ll just leave you with this little quote: "I know Dutchman's Creek runs deep, much deeper than it could or should, and I don't like to think what it's full of."

Carter and Lovecraft – Jonathan L. Howard

A homicide detective turned Private Investigator finds himself embroiled with the last known descendant of H.P Lovecraft, Emily Lovecraft. When deaths that have an eerie resemblance to the writing of Emily’s ancestor begin to plague the area, the investigator finds himself drawn into a world he thought didn’t exist beyond fiction.

Rosewater – Tade Thompson

The first in an award-winning trilogy that blends science fiction into the weird in near future Nigeria. When an alien biodome manifests in the landscape, a select group of people in the surrounding area begin developing psychic abilities. A winding, disturbing tale with an original setting, voice and characters; this is the perfect read for those looking for a fresh take on the genre.

North American Lake Monsters: Stories – Nathan Ballingrud

I am hugely obsessed with this – Ballingrud uses tropes and characters we are all familiar with and uses them to tell stories that shed light on the plight of rural, poverty-stricken America. He is a masterful author with a true gift for atmospheric writing (‘Late summer pressed onto this small Mississippi coastal town like the heel of a boot. The heat was an act of violence.’) and this collection will appeal to fans of Ligotti and Barron as well as those who are unfamiliar with the genre.

The Ballad of Black Tom – Victor LaValle

This is essentially a retelling of Lovecraft’s The Horror at Red Hook (but without the blatant racism, hooray!). A slow burn, cosmic horror noir featuring a who’s who of the Cthulhu Mythos, for those interested in the genre who do not get on with Lovecraft’s writing or the man himself, this is an excellent way to get all the good stuff without the bad.

Anthologies

A Lonely and Curious Country: Tales from the land of Lovecraft

Seventeen stories about Lovecraftian horrors in the most unusual of places. Lots of these work as mini-sequels to Lovecraft’s original stories so this is a good companion for those familiar with his work.

Lovecraft Unbound

As I’ve said before, Ellen Datlow is a powerhouse of anthology editing. Featuring a great spread of familiar mythos faces and more thematic takes on the genre, Lovecraft Unbound is one of the best collections out there.

Book of Cthulhu

There are a couple of these! All feature some of the best contemporary authors writing weird fiction. Quality of individual stories sometimes varies in Lovecraftian anthologies but that is not the case here. The first is particularly good as it also contains stories from older, more obscure writers who are hard to get in print.

Shadows of Carcosa

Twelve short stories that feature everything from the land of carcosa to the traditionally Lovecraftian setting of the cursed hills of New England. All of these are shorts written by classic writers such as Poe, Stoker, Bierce, Chambers and Blackwood.

Lovecraft’s Monsters

Another collection edited by Datlow. This one is particularly fun as it features illustrations, as well as a story by Neil Gaiman. Lovecraft’s Monsters is amongst my favourite of the anthologies as it is based solely around the creatures that crawl and squirm through the mythos. It’s also available as an audiobook!

Children of Lovecraft

Fourteen short stories including authors like Stephen Graham Jones, Orrin Grey, Caitlin R. Kiernan and Livia Llewellyn. Full of body horror, dread, surrealism and one of the best opening sentences to any short story.

She Walks in Shadows

A monumental, fascinating collection comprised of exclusively female authors. Offering a long overdue look at and development of the female aspects of the mythos, this collection gives a voice to the previously unheard. For those looking for a diverse, original and often deeply disturbing reading experience, this is your anthology.

Available online for free

The Lovecraft Ezine has a great archive here of all its previous issues

Weird Fiction Review is an excellent resource for online fiction – both excerpts from books and stand-alone short stories.

The Online Books page has direct links to the issues of Weird Tales magazine published between 1923 – 192.

TOR.COM is an amazing resource for all kinds of science fiction and fantasy shorts. This is a link specifically to Lovecraftian fiction. There’s also lots of interesting things to read under the tag cosmic horror here.

Graphic Novels

Fatale - Sex, violence, cults, cosmic horror, imaginative period settings and gorgeous artwork. Fatale is one of the best comics set in the mythos out there.

Locke and Key - Many of you will be familiar with Joe Hill and Gabriel Rodriguez’s hugely popular (and now televised) series focused on a house above a portal to the plains of Leng.

Harrow County - Creepy, rural-based, folk horror series centred on a young woman who finds herself to be joined to the forest and the land in ways she could never have imagined.

The Squidder - A postapocalyptic Lovecraftian mess, I have included this because it is worth buying for the artwork alone. Ben Templesmith is an acquired taste but an incredibly talented illustrator whose work is uniquely suited to the mythos.

I have talked about these several times before but it is always worth checking out I.N.J Culbard’s graphic novel adaptations of Lovecraft’s stories, as well as the two anthologies that were released several years ago.

***

Films – Cosmic Horror

I have linked to the trailers for each of these, some are classics you will know, some are new.

The Colour out of Space

Die Fabre

The Dunwich Horror

The Endless

Event Horizon

The Void

Europa Report

Black Mountain Side

Films – Folk Horror

The Ritual

They Remain

The White Reindeer

Night of the Demon

Apostle

More generally, some good online resources for old/weird/out of print books are

Project Gutenberg – an online library of over 60,000 books in the public domain

Internet Archive – a great resource for obscure books (particularly historical)

Europeana – items from Europe’s galleries, museums, libraries and archives

Digital Public Library of America – similar to Europeana, but for America

Classic Literature – lots of 19th century gothic goodness in particular, but great for all the classics too!

And when it all gets too much and you feel like being your own creeping dread, Here is a link to a fun game where you can be the rats in the walls.

#this is an extremely long post y'all my apologies #lovecraft #weird fiction #book recommends #eldritch reads #cthulhu mythos #film recommends #graphic novels #lovecraftian #hp lovecraft

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starlight-writes-stuff · 4 years ago

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chapter one - the note // light me up : a draco malfoy fic

a/n : hello ! this is chapter one of light me up. it is a bit short- i really want to get outside opinions on what you think ; i hope you enjoy ! seeing as i have exactly 0 followers on this here blog this story will also be posted on wattpad (where i’m known as starlight--writes) . it’s a bit easier to grow on there , but i figured theres always a chance of someone finding this fic on here and falling in love with it . anyways , if you’re seeing this , reblogs and notes are always appreciated . requests are open as well ! k , bye (:

reblogs are always appreciated ! <3

☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

Charms was your least favorite class of the day. Usually you looked forward to it, eagerly awaiting getting to sit next to your boyfriend, Cedric Diggory, but in the week that the two of you had broken up, it had been torture. You still had to sit with him- the seating was assigned that way, but now instead of kisses when you walked in and holding hands under the table, it was forced smiles and awkward greetings.

So far, you’d spent the whole class looking down at your lap, tangling your fingers together and trying to take up as little space as possible. Maybe, if you were still enough, he would just forget you were there. You made no noise, no sudden movements; essentially, acting like you didn’t even exist. However, that illusion was broken when Nearly Headless Nick has floated in through the back wall, holding a letter that he handed to Professor Flitwick. He read it over silently, then looked up and directly at you. He cleared his throat and stepped down from the pile of books he stood on, and shuffled over to you.

“Miss Y/L/N, it seems you are needed elsewhere. When you finish, please see me for the homework,” he said with a warm smile, handing you the parchment he was holding.

You smiled back- Professor Flitwick had always been nice to you- and grabbed your bag without even reading the short note; if it meant not having to be so close to Cedric, you were happy for the excuse. As you got up, you felt a gentle tug on your sleeve and your stomach flew up into your throat. Looking up, you saw Cedric smile and drop his grip on your shirt.

“When you’re done, can we talk?” he asked quietly, trying not to draw any attention to either of you. “I’d like to. I’ll wait in the library after classes.”

You couldn’t muster a vocal response- this was the most he’d said to you in a week, and from the look on his face, it seemed important. You just nodded and fled the room, trying to compose yourself before the pumpkin pastie you had eaten before Charms came back up.

Once you were in the silent, stony hallway, you took a deep breath. Everything was fine. He probably just wanted his jumper back- it was his favorite, and he’d given it to you for pajamas a while ago. You leaned your head back against the cool cobblestone of the hallway, and retrieved the note from your bag, reading it over twice before you fully comprehended the meaning.

Miss Y/LN, Excuse the interruption of your class- upon review of your marks, it seems that you will be quite alright missing a charms class and upholding your grade. The staff have deliberated the results of your try out for Slytherin House’s Quidditch Team, and we are glad to offer you the position of a back-up seeker. Please meet the current Slytherin seeker- Draco Malfoy- in the dining hall for a private practice. We hope this letter finds you well, Slytherin House Quidditch Staff

You tried to contain your excitement, but couldn’t wipe the grin off of your face as you made your way to the Dining Hall. You had mostly tried out for Quidditch as a one off thing, to get Cedric to shut up about it. You absolutely hadn’t expected to be chosen and assigned a spot, so the letter was the only bright point in your week so far. As you entered the great hall, you saw the white-blonde head you were supposed to be meeting leaned over a roll of parchment, chewing on his lower lip.

☁ ☁ ☁

Draco Malfoy was in the same year as you- the same house as well- but the two of you had never talked much. Your social circles weren’t intertwined, and besides the few classes you had with him, you didn’t run into him often. As you walked over to him, you dimly wondered if he even knew your name.

“Draco? I’m supposed to meet with you, right?” you asked, timidly. He looked up from his books to meet your eyes.

“Oh, right. Sorry, I’m trying to get this Potions work done, but…” he tapered off, shaking his head. “Anyway. Sorry- but yes, Flint asked me to meet with you. Y/N, right?”

“Right,” you said with a nod, “Yeah. And I have the answers for the Potions homework, if you want them.”

Draco gathered all his things, shoving them into his bag and asked, “Really? Oh. Wait. Aren't you in my potions class?”

You nodded, and went to fish the paper out of your book, wondering why you’d offered in the first place. You weren’t one to let others copy. “Yeah. I finished it last night, so you can look over it, if you want to,” you replied, handing him the parchment. He took the roll from your hand, giving you a half-smile.

“Thank you. I can’t seem to understand Potions, like, ever, so I appreciate it. I promise, this will only take a couple minutes; I’ll have you out on the field right after.”

You settled beside him and pulled out your Charms book- might as well finish reading the chapter while you have the time. You could hear Draco muttering the words under his breath as he scratched them down with his quill, and found that oddly endearing. Besides him being the seeker for Slytherin, and his constant feud with Harry Potter, you really didn’t know much about the tall boy sitting next to you, so that fact that you knew how he took notes seemed almost… intimate. Like something you shouldn’t know, but you did. As you pondered on this, you started to wonder what else you didn’t know about him. You referenced the general knowledge of him you’d picked up over the last six years.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Name- Draco Malfoy (son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, who were well known in the wizard community. Kind of a dark family, though.)

Year- 6

Position- Seeker

Attributes- tall, handsome, good Quidditch player, constantly nagging at harry potter for reasons unknown, friends with Crabbe and Goyle, mumbles while taking notes. Had never had a girlfriend, to your knowledge, but had many hookups. Quiet and brooding and slightly scary. Very intimidating, and taller than you’d think. He smelled good, like citrus and musk and old parchment, and his hair looked soft. He was a pretty boy, really. Scarily pretty.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were still trying to think of anything you’d heard about him, other than the general assumptions of him: good looking, but a woeful git to just about everyone, when he shut his book and slid the roll of parchment back over to you.

“Thanks, again. So you’re gunning for my spot on the team?” he asked, packing up his things. You felt your face flush, and didn’t know how to respond when he chuckled and spoke up. “I’m kidding. It’s always good to have backup players, for when we get hurt. You must’ve really impressed Flint- he was going on and on about the ‘new girl’ at practice.”

Your cheeks got hot again as the two of you walked out of the dining hall and through the passages leading out to the field. “I guess so. I really didn’t think anything would come of me trying out.”

Draco ran a hand through his hair and walked out into the courtyard. “Really? What took you so long to try out, if you don't mind me asking? We’re always looking for new talent.”

You looked up at him out of the corner of your eye, and saw that he was waiting on an answer. “Um- I really didn’t ever think about playing, honestly. Over last summer, I was dragged into a game by a couple of friends, and they told me I had a knack for it. Then Cedric wouldn’t stop bugging me about trying to join the team, so I did.”

“That’s right. Isn’t he your boyfriend?”

You felt your heart pang at his words, and gave him a tight lipped smile. “He was. We aren’t really together anymore.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn't know. I’ve just seen you two around, so I assumed…” he trailed off, looking down at you with sympathetic eyes.

“It’s fine. It was pretty recent that we,” you hesitated, almost choking on the words. “It was recently that we split up. No one really knows yet, besides close friends.”

Draco nodded, pulling a key out of his pocket. He unlocked a door on the side of the castle that you didn’t even realize existed, and walked into the cramped room. It was full of Quidditch supplies- practice jerseys, brooms, and the trunk that held all the equipment. He picked it up, and you could see the muscles in his forearms flexing and shifting under his pale skin as he held the heavy trunk.

“Well, I won't tell anyone. I’m sorry, I know how that can be. Will you grab two of those?” he asked, nodding at the wall behind you. Multiple brooms were mounted on it, and you grabbed two, following him out of the room. You replayed his sentence in your head. ‘I know how that can be.’ and wondered if you had missed something. You’d never seen Draco with a girl, much less a girlfriend. But maybe he was one to keep his relationships quiet. It made things much easier when you broke up if no one knew you were dating anyone in the first place.

“Yeah. It’s been… it hasn’t been fun. But, anyway, I really tried out because of that. When I didn’t hear anything for a bit, I figured that I hadn’t made it.”

“Yeah, the review takes a long time. Snape has the whole team review tryouts, then selects certain people to start training. Just about everyone was impressed with yours, though.”

“Well that’s good, right? I mean, if I’m being trained, I assume that I made it.”

Draco smiled down at you, dropping the trunk on the grass. “Welcome to the team. Let’s see what you can do.”

☁ ☁ ☁

After a few hours of flying about Draco started packing the trunk back up, strapping the snitch back into place. The curls that had previously adorned your head had fallen limp from flying, and you were out of breath as the two of you walked back to the supply cabinet.

“I can see why Flint was so impressed. You really could take my spot, if you wanted it,” Draco said with a smile, unlocking the hidden door once more.

“I don’t think so. But thank you.”

He placed the trunk back on a shelf, and turned to you, crossing his arms. Again, you watched the muscles ripple under his skin and tried not to flush. “You really are good. Maybe not better than me, but good,” he said, and you could feel his eyes on you as you returned the brooms to their wall mountings.

“I’ve seen you play, Malfoy. If you can take the snitch out from under Cedric’s nose, then I'm not sure I'll be put to much use.”

“Oh, please. Cedric isn’t what I would call competition’” he joked, locking the door behind the two of you. “And if you were watching Cedric play, how would you know if I’m any good?” he raised an eyebrow at you, and your heart fluttered in your chest.

You’d always known Draco was good looking- it was hard not to notice that- but he was also wickedly funny, and quick witted. You felt better than you had in a week for the first time today, and you didn’t doubt that some of it had to do with the blonde boy beside you.

“Just because I was dating someone in a different house doesn’t mean I ever stopped rooting for ours. I know where my loyalties lie.”

He gave you a sweet smile, and the two of you continued walking back to the castle in comfortable silence. When you ducked back into the bustling hallways from the courtyard, Draco cleared his throat, stopping in the small alcove.

“So. Um, I think we should probably do this again. You did almost all solo flying today, but you need to feel the pressure of racing against someone as well. That’s half of being a seeker, is racing your opponent. Do you have a free period sometime this week?” he asked, and you felt your heart stir again- while you might’ve needed more training, you had a nagging feeling that it was a little more than that. The two of you had a good time, and you hadn’t seen Draco smile that much in the whole six years you’d been at Hogwarts with him.

“Sure. I have two on Thursday. Just let me know when you’re free; I’m in the common room a lot, so I should be easy to find.”

He grinned down at you, his blonde hair flopping down and over his forehead and cleared his throat. “Okay. sounds good. I’ll see you later, then?”

You nodded, and gave him a smile. “I’ll see you around.”

☁ ☁ ☁

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butwhatifidothis · 4 years ago

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Rant, potentially me just bein’ stupid, under the cut

There are so so so many reason why CF just feels like (as someone who writes fanfiction) poorly thought out fanfiction and one of the ones that gets to me the most is CF!Claude.

So in three out of four routes, the Empire has the Great Bridge of Myrddin under their control, which is the main reason Gloucester and Ordelia are pro-Empire due to them being under the most immediate threat of Imperial attack should they not swear fealty. This makes Claude unable to make any blatant moves against the Empire due to two of the houses under his watch being both against him and under threat, and so he uses House Riegan’s power to force the Alliance into neutrality. He can’t ask the Kingdom for help due to 1) it being under chaos due to Dimitri being presumed dead and Cornelia essentially taking charge and 2) again, this being a blatant move against the Empire even if he could ask the Kingdom

Okay, makes perfect sense, these all leads into each other just fine.

In CF, the Great Bridge is under Alliance control

what.

Gloucester is still unwilling to help fight against the Empire, as shown partly by Lorenz making no appearance as an enemy unit in CF if he was unrecruited, despite having its main reason for doing that be basically obsolete.

what.

Despite being able to take the bridge under his control and despite Dimitri being king and therefore having the Kingdom under much more stability than the other routes, Claude at no point makes any sort of alliance with the Kingdom despite the now available means and the common enemy throughout the five year timeskip. Likewise Dimitri makes no effort to team up with Claude and in fact does not react to news of his death whatsoever, making it the lord matchup where that happens (Claude reacts to Dimitri and Edelgard’s deaths, Edelgard reacts to Dimitri and Claude’s, but Dimitri only react to Edelgard’s)

what.

What kind of sense does this make? Maybe you can argue that Edelgard has less means to take over the Great Bridge due to the war against the Kingdom being more even in CF, but that doesn’t explain why Claude doesn’t take this chance to team up with the Kingdom and Church - even though he knows doing so will definitely sway Gloucester into being anti-Empire due to the Church’s influence. Maybe you can argue Claude didn’t want to team up with Rhea, but that’s assuming that Claude would rather Edelgard potentially win the war Claude didn’t plan for and which he himself says ruins his dreams over Rhea getting back in the position Claude would have had to have planned for somewhat beforehand - and on top of that, teaming up with Rhea would have almost certainly given him some major headway into negotiating shit over about Almyra.

Edelgard is canonically weaker in CF. Her attention is not fully on the war at hand, she is barely holding a stalemate with the Kingdom and can’t even take hold of Myrddin, her forces are now known to be full on starving (as in, Ashe explicitly states this in an explore dialogue), so if Claude did literally anything to team up with Dimitri and Rhea at any point in CF - you know, that thing he at least tries to do in all the other routes (in VW/SS succeeding only with the Church, in AM full on supporting both) - Edelgard would have been fucked. But see, now Claude doesn’t trust the Church and Kingdom enough to team up with them according to the fandom - in this route only though. He’ll help Dimitri and be instrumental in finding Rhea in all the other routes! Just not here. Because he doesn’t trust them. Now. The game makes no effort to say this in the route this happens in, but trust me, it’s totally there. Claude saying that he wonders what a world without Rhea would be like in the route where he has someone he can rely on to lead Fodlan in her place completely and totally justifies him not doing anything to help the now only people he could ever rely on to lead Fodlan from having that power fall into the hands of people he deadass doesn’t trust to wield that power at all, I promise

Look, when 3H wants you to know something they’ll just tell you, especially for something as game-changing as this. Claude not teaming up with the Kingdom during the course of the war is what let Edelgard win - period. No cap. End sentence. Send tweet. Edelgard could not have been able to fight a two sided battle with her attention diverted on Byleth on top of fighting the literal rest of Fodlan. CF, as it presented itself, only can exist if Claude doesn’t do something he does in every. single. other. route.

And that what makes it so low-tier fanfiction-y, because it doesn’t even try to explain, in a self-contained way for CF, why he doesn’t do this. It’s like if the author went “I don’t think Claude would do that so he’s not going to!” in their author’s note but makes no attempt to give a reason why they think that or try to write their fic’s plot in a way that explains how that can make sense.

Claude going on the defensive and staying makes inherit sense in the other routes; he can’t rely on the shambling Kingdom and the scattered Church to help him take on the Empire at the start of the war, so he takes his side who is too divided to properly help itself, out of it. But in a situation where the Kingdom and the Church are around and strong while Dimitri and Rhea are still around to provide their strength? It’s almost a no brainer to team up with them to stomp down this threat before it gets anymore powerful than it is. Obviously, with Rhea being there and Dimitri not going through any of the shit he does in the other routes, and with them holding up in any way against Edelgard’s prepared forces, it would make sense for Claude to have joined the Kingdom and Church at any point after Edelgard started to lose out in strength. But oops! This is the author’s first story so they don’t quite know how to set up the scenario they want, so they just handwave it away with “Claude doesn’t like the Church” without even so much as having Claude say that himself.

Like I said, this is someone’s AU. It accidentally got submitted instead of the actual script for CF, and IntSys is just too forgiving to new authors and doesn’t know how to give proper criticism without coming off as flaming the newbie and they let it slide. Also explains all of Edelgard’s cringey one-liners and all the character inconsistencies with the BE students

But hey, maybe I’m just full of shit lmao. Have your interpretations if you want, I just don’t buy CF!Claude’s reasoning for staying out the war during the timeskip personally

#but then a lot of things in CF don't make any sense so it wouldn't surprise me if this was one of those things #chances are i'm just bein' lowkey stoopid tho #sorry to rag on fanfiction because I love it but if the shoe fits

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thepursuitofunderstanding · 4 years ago

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January 31/2021

Well, hello new journal! I look forward to our explorations together. Now, what shall we begin discussing this morning? Nothing feels important enough to mark your first pages [this is from before I switched from paper to digital journaling]. I guess that I could say that I’m starting to catch a glimpse of what I might like my life to be like once I graduate Uni. That’s long been a giant question mark for/with me. Due in large part, I’m sure, to the fact that the conventional path seems to be a sort of settling down. That is, graduates go out and find a job; make a home in some place or other; date/get married; essentially people seem to settle onto one path--at the expense of all other paths. Which is fine--for them. I think that there shall be no settling for me. I must keep moving. This seems to be a condition of my existence. Whether this movement is within or without seems to be irrelevant. Or, rather, I do seem to to particularly prize/regard the internal movement, but I have found external movement to be a great stimulator of internal movement. And, alas, as long as I have books and you [that is, my journal] I seem to never stop moving within. So that helps that.

Most of all though, I don’t want to chain myself to some job that stymies my movement. Especially my internal movement. If I’ve learned anything about myself in these 24 years, it’s that such is a death sentence for/to me. I must keep moving. Inertia is death. Because a self-imposed death is still very much a death. Perhaps an ever deader death (if that’s possible). Now, of course, this whole ‘not letting a job chain me down’ does get rather complicated by the fact that I do need money to maintain my survival. It’s not like everyone in the world enters into the contract (or bondage, depending on how you look at it) of a job because they’re just total masochists. No, I recognize that for the most part people consent to have a job for the simple fact that it is required for their continual survival. As it is for my continual survival. Plus I’ll have some student loans to pay off (I try not to stress too much about that one. Uni is absolutely imperative for/to my development. I’ll figure out how to pay for it later.), so it seems that I will definitely need to figure out some way of generating moneys. But, alas, I aim to keep my expenses such that I won’t have to chain myself to a full-time job. I aim to do this by living in my van when weather permits and then...figuring something out for winter. I’ll live frugally--my only indulgence being books. For it turns out that one really doesn’t need as much money to get by as one might think. You cut out all that useless shit that people buy, get back to just the basics and suddenly things become much more manageable.

This, I hope, will be what the outward appearance of my life will look like after graduation. And inwardly, well, I can’t even imagine that--I’ll be moving, that’s all I know. Working towards Greatness, looking at perhaps getting myself published; learning, always learning. This is how I’ll fill my life. It makes me so full and content to consider that I could cry. Oh what a feeling it is to actually want; to crave to live one’s life. It’s not exactly a feeling that I’m familiar with. Usually I tend to attempt--by any means necessary--to avoid gazing too long into the/my future. For the wretched weight of it felt only like a jail cell beckoning me towards it confines. Time, at my back, preventing my retreat, the chains of life always an inevitability; I could see no way around it. Or, rather, I could imagine ways around it (my power of imagination being what it is paired with my insatiable need to read anything that I can get my hands on (that makes it sound like I’m not a discriminating reader, which is false: I might just be the most snobbish reader that I’ve ever encountered. I’m so intimately aware that I’ll never be able to read all the books that I want to, therefore I must be very careful to give my time and energy to only those books that I deem to be imperative to my development. God I sound like such a cocky asshole. But hopefully a cocky asshole that is tempered with the realization that I’m not shit yet and I never will be unless I really... strain myself. I’m not sure how this spiraled into a poop(ing) metaphor, but here we are nevertheless.)) but I never felt myself to be capable of the strength and individuality required to evade that jail cell that I’ve witnessed so many people around me imprisoned by.

Alas though, I realize now that the only thing more terrifying than attempting such an evasion is to not. For, to not attempt such an evasion is to surrender myself; to fail to become myself: of which I agree with Kierkegaard is a fate worse than death. I have discovered that I can withstand a lot of pain and discomfort in life--but not that. To lose myself, especially like that, to (how did he put it?) “pawn” myself to the world is not something that I will ever be able to withstand. I know this. Any leanings in the past towards such have led--always--to a crushing compulsion to end it all. I seem to be so constituted that such a pawning is simply not an option to/for me. Which is something that I’ve only just now grasped in its entirety. I seem to have had some hunch of it for a few years here now (thus the talk of the conditions of my existence) but only now have I managed to grasp (or begun to grasp) the full weight of all this. I can truly do no other. I have never, nor will I ever, have any choice in the matter. Or, rather, since I don’t believe in determinism, I should say that my choice is to either live “myself” or to not live at all. This is the ultimate condition of my existence. All other conditions stem from this ultimate one.

Wow, okay, so this is why I love writing--why I absolutely need to write. Just as my physical body needs food and water to sustain itself, my soul needs to write. For through/by writing I come to be/tough ‘myself.’ Perhaps f I did not write I would become a pawn to the world. And I would never realize that although I might be physically alive; conventionally regarded as a living being; I never became anything more than a living death. For that’s what it feels like to pawn oneself to the world. I feels like one’s ‘self’ and one’s life is not one’s own; that one is merely a spectator to the unfolding of a dreary and rather impersonal drama.--Gross. That is, if I had it in me to even put up with any of that. I imagine that, being who/as I am, I wouldn’t live to see too many seasons of a life like this: the cape of despair eventually suffocating me.

I wonder, what is it about me, my ‘self’ that makes it wholly impossible for me to ignore my ‘self.’I look around me and see the majority of people managing it just fine (or, rather, as fine as one can manage the pawning of oneself to the world.). Why is such a path/manner of Being one that is closed to me? I couldn’t attempt it even if I wanted to. Why/how is this??? What is it about me that makes this so? Because I realize now that my inability to do such a thing/live such a way, has defined my entire life thus far. It doesn’t seem to be something that I learned or picked up from anyone else. That is, I can think of no one who modelled anything like this in my early life. It was only later on, when the definition was making itself felt more and more that I managed to find others who also felt such a condition defining their existence. But those others didn’t birth it in me, they only (not only, for their friendship has been everything to me.) helped me recognize what was already there.

My need to be/become my’self’ seems to be an inborn requirement of my Being. The condition of my existence. But how can this be?? For this condition doesn’t seem to be present, or at least, not nearly as stressed, in the people that I observe around me. It is this condition that has made me feel different--pathological--my whole life. Even when I couldn’t grasp it, it was always there, whispering to me from the darkness. It was never not there. Thus, I though that there was something wrong with me.

It would seem that the entire trajectory of my life has been defined by the attempt to understand this whispering from the darkness. For I discovered early on that I couldn’t silence it without simultaneously doing away with myself. Because it is more me than I am... Whatever that means. And it is this whispering, this me, my ‘self’ that I am now engaged in consolidating; I am collecting from the darkness and attempting to explore and understand. This is what my life is about. Or, at least, it is the meaning of my life. My defining commitment as Hubert Dreyfus would say? And God is that which makes it all possible is what Kierkegaard what would say? God is the ground where all of this takes place; God is the sun which allows for the illumination of these dark places. It is only with/through God that the whispering can be understood? Is God that which whispers to me? That would indicate/imply that my ‘self’ is God; a fragment of God? My ‘self’ is atman? So many things to consider here...

Atman, my ‘self’, might this bear any relation to the concept of Nothingness that Sartre is acquainting me with? He does talk about how this Nothingness “haunts” Being. And I would certainly say that this whispering from the darkness of my Being has haunted me. Haunting is actually a perfect word for it. I seem to be more (profoundly?) haunted than others. Is this possible? I wonder, will Sartre ever discuss the possibility of some being more “haunted” or possessing more Nothingness than others?

It has become apparent to me recently that this is my work. It is my play too actually, all woven into one. That is, when I sit here with you, when I lose myself in books, when I wander around and think/imagine, I am working. It may seem like such a minor distinction to focus on--such a trivial thing to notice and distinguish. But to/for me it is everything. I have always craved to be one of those people who is consumed by their work. I has always thought that there was something to important and noble about it. I bestows one’s life with an importance that isn’t there otherwise. That is, a life without this emphasis on one’s work is a life without a defining commitment. This seems to be an awareness that I apprehended before I was ever able to understand or articulate it. All I knew was that I was missing an importance/meaning to my life. I could see that others (though few) had it. But I never really believed that I would come to experience it myself. I had resigned myself to merely watching those others from the sidelines. Always to be aware of the game that I so desperately yearned to be a part of, yet never being chosen to participate. For, alas, it does seem to be a game that one must be chosen for. You can want to participate with your whole Being, but that means nothing unless one is animated from within. Otherwise one will simply be going through the movements; it will be purely mechanical. A true experience of/participation in the game requires that one lose oneself in/to it. And to lose oneself to something is never a choice made by oneself. That is, one can offer oneself up to this losing, but one can never control whether/if one will get swallowed up. I so wanted to be swallowed up by the game--by my work--and now it seems to be happening. I wonder, if one consistently offers oneself up to such a swallowing, is it inevitable that one will eventually get swallowed up? So many questions. And I’ve gotten so abstract and... mystical(?) in my thoughts now that I can hardly ask anyone else these questions. For, even the formulation of these questions requires such a lengthy and convoluted explanation that I’m unsure if I could even construct them, let alone hope that anyone might be able to follow my train of thought well enough for anything close to a satisfactory answer. It seems that I must wander the path of my questioning alone. And my writing is my mapping of the territory that I come across. This is my contribution to the literary community: to add my mappings to the mass of mappings that have been done before me. Because, after all, aren’t we all just trying to make sense of this crazy thing we call life? And isn’t life continuously evading our attempts to do so?

The closer I get to Greatness the deeper I’ll be able to penetrate into (the mystery of) life. And, thus, the more precise/profound/meaningful my mapping will become.

It seems to me that the only way for me to draw closer to this Greatness (my Greatness?) is by following the whispers of my ‘self.’ That is, I may learn from those around me, but I can never rely on them too fully lest I imitate them and lose the thread/path of my ’self.’ For Greatness seems to be... wholly individual, in a certain regard. By that I mean that... what do I mean? Every artist has their own particular flavor of Greatness. And it is only through/by this particular flavoring that Greatness appears. Because Greatness is... well, it’s not black and white; it’s vibrant and lively, it dances and lives. It is transcendent. It cannot be created/pursued mechanically. Sure it requires discipline and control, but it also requires personality and deviation. It requires that one break rules and forge new paths. These things can only be done by the individual. For it requires that one step outside the boundaries/limitations that had previously been set. This is a task that can only be done by the individual. It is not a collective activity, not something that any machine (mechanized something) might be able to do/engage in. The mechanized something is unable to do such because, as I understand it, these things necessarily require boundaries in order to operate in the first place. Or else these get swallowed up by possibility and are unable to function at all. Thus limitations must be set and can only be sidestepped by direction from some external tinkering/director. And, in the case of the collective... there seems to be a sort of inertia in the collective. As is a certain level of inertia is one of its defining features. For it is only by standing still that things (people) can collect after all. Yes, that seems right. Thus, only the individual, through their individuality, may pursue/tough Greatness. Although, of course, in saying that I also recognize that the individual is an amalgamation of everyone and everything that said individual has ever encountered (or will ever encounter?). So, in a sense, the individual is, in the individual self, a collection of Being. But, alas, a different sort of collective than what one conventionally thinks of when they consider a collective.

Damn, I gotta say, I really covered some ground today. So odd too, I really had no idea that all of this was welling up within me. When I first sat down with you this morning I had absolutely no idea what we would be exploring together. Alas though, is it time to move onto some Being and Nothingness now? I’ve got to tell you, if I keep going at this pace, finishing it and The Second Sex by the end of the semester will be a piece of cake. I maybe should have set my aim even higher and also included Being and Time. But then, is it too late to make a change? Let’s just think about this for a minute... I’m at such a point in Being and Nothingness that I could reasonably leave it aside for a moment and return to it without too much confusion (I think). Being and Time only has 415 pages. And Dreyfus’ commentary on it is only 281 pages. Do I dare raise my aim? Doing so would mean adding another 700 pages to my goal, making it 2300 pages of dense philosophical treatise to complete in 3 months while simultaneously juggling 5 classes. Do I dare attempt it? I ask but I already know the answer. Now, the only question is, do I start Being and Time first or ought I take a bit of a wander through Dreyfus’ commentary first?

#january #journal entry

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utterlyinevitable · 5 years ago

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Alrighty sooo we all know Becca but what about this woman named...Hannah in you WIPS? (and in my WhatsApp) 1,2,4,8,9,15,16,18,23,26,27,31,33,39,45,52,54,55 this shall keep u occupied lol

*sighs* Hannah Hannah Hannah... when will I finish your saga 😔

i’m going to use both prompt lists for this and choose my favorite questions aha

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything? & Age, Birthday, Star Sign

Hannah Amelia Weill

I really like writing complicated women with long names and multiple identities.

Growing up her friends all called her Hannie. She was always Hannah to her family and everyone who doesn’t know her intimately. One boy (’Bryce’) called her Han. Later in life her partner calls her Anna because of his thick accent. Her alias and the name she went by during her uni identity crisis was Leah, a derivative of her middle name.

I don’t like her last name so it may change to fit with the metaphor of the whole piece 🤷🏻‍♀️

The story moves between her being 16-18 and 23.

tbh i haven’t given much thought to her birthday 😂 i feel like she’d be an edgy libra

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them? & Gender Identity

Nothing formal lol

But her mother calls her a ‘hurricane’ and after high school that group of friends she had relegated her to a ‘selfish bitch’ and proceeded to cut her out of their lives without any warning. (side note: later in life she’ll realize she may have been The Toxic Friend)

She’s hetero female. Though she was bi-curious with only one friend when she was 17. She leaned into that for a while but realized women just weren’t doing it for her.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? & Race and Ethnicity

She’s estranged from her father and hasn’t seen him since she was five. She’s an only child and had some distance between her and her mother because of socio-economic factors. At her core Hannah is a private, enigmatic person and her mother always kinda let her do whatever she wanted as long as she kept her grades up. It wasn’t a bad childhood or growing up. There were some rough patches but she lived in a bubble compared to the rest of the world. When she moved away her relationship with her mother got better because her mom would call or text her every week to make sure she’s alive. She still does and Hannah sometimes doesn’t answer so her mom calls.

She’s white bread with European roots.

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? & Weapon of Choice(?)

They had a dog which she loved and taught her the meaning of unconditional love. The dog even slept in her twin sized bed. As an adult Hannah is much to irresponsible (and self aware about this fact) to bring a pet into her life. She loves animals but keeps a distance and prefers the odd well behaved domestic pup.

She has wit, stoicism and psychological manipulations at her disposal.

9. Hometown and current residence

She grew up on the waterfront in Suffolk, New York. Now she resides in Southwark, UK.

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking? & Can they sing? Can they dance?

She can cook if she has to. She’s not bad at it when she knows what she likes but she cannot handle another person in the kitchen with her and gets so so so angry when they make comments over her shoulder. Some times she gets the urge to bake but it’s TERRIBLE at dough so it’s just a box cake or cookies. Others think it’s edible.

When she’s older ‘Ethan’ teaches her how to cook fancy, complex meals and it’s rather meditative. And maybe she doesn’t mind having him in the kitchen with her.

She cannot sing to save her life. She has absolutely no rhythm. Doesn’t stop her from doing either. Her go-to dance of choice is a drunken grind.

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? & Can they drive?

She doesn’t, well not really. She tries to hoard books but she’s moved around so much her moms outlook on life seeped in. Her mom always encouraged her to get rid of unnecessary things and so she has very minimal clutter (excluding her closet girl loves clothes). She does have a book shelf filled with CDs and vinyls and books and that makes her happy.

When she’s settled down and has disposable income she starts to collect tattoos and street art.

She can drive but doesn’t like to, especially in Europe. She’s thankful she lives in places with fantastic public transport.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else & Have any special keepsakes?

Books: she likes horror and drama as books she’ll read in public. When she’s alone she likes a romance book or young adult novel.

Music: folk, indie and alternative.

TV: comedy, drama, anything on the old CW was her jam. She likes dark humor.

Films: romantic comedy. she went through a phase of only watching foreign films to seem more cultured. she’ll only watch action if there’s a comedic lead because blood and gore disgust her.

Video games: she doesn’t play. never got into them. but she did try because ‘Bryce’ really loved his xbox and she loved ‘Bryce’.

The one thing she made sure to take with her was a throw pillow that she’s had since she was a kid.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

She remembers everything about the people in her life. For better or worse - it’s no bueno for her mental health because she overanalyzes everything and dissects it until she’s essentially fabricated a whole other reality.

She misplaces things all the time and gets mad about it. ‘Ethan’ finds it an endearingly annoying habit of hers.

She’s okay with names and better with faces. But she really identifies people by their vibe and how they make her feel. If she feels good she’ll remember every single thing about them. If they make her feel bad she’ll only remember the bits about that person that make her feel that way - even if it’s only one sentence out of an entire year of friendship, that person will become that one bad thing to her.

She never truly forgets someone. Sometimes it’s better to pretend like she did in order to save face.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? & Guilty Pleasure

When she’s happy she can do anything! She feels like she can fly. She usually is listening to a song and she’s very creative in this space. She parades around in her underwear singing at the top of her lungs when she’s alone. When she’s happy and with someone, she lets her guard down and shows who she really is. When she’s happy she’s the person she wants to be and not the front of an unbreakable woman she’s been pretending to be since she was old enough to remember it’s importance.

Oh yes, Hannah hides her emotions. it’s her MO.

Her guilty pleasure is popular culture. ‘Ethan’ makes fun of her for it but indulges her any chance he can get. For the longest time he’s also her guilty pleasure. She doesn’t want to like him from the beginning. But conversation just flows. And he’s such a Good Boy. she can’t help but fall for him quick and quietly.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad? & What’s their family like? Who’s in it? What’s their relationship with them?

People make her sad. Failure makes her sad. She’s trying to cultivate a better life she’s read about in stories and feels like she needs to be successful to show up everyone who’s ever doubted her. She needs to be successful to prove to herself that she’s not a waste of space and worthy of this existence.

But successful comes in all shapes and sizes. Which is something she’ll learn when she least expects it.

Hannah only lets herself cry less than a handful of times a year. Usually in the dead of night or in the shower. And only when she knows she’ll be alone the entire time.

After she falls for ‘Ethan’ she can’t control her emotions as well any more. He’s always there for her even if he’s the source of her tears.

When she’s mad it’s almost manic depressive. She gets really really low and cuts people out. ‘Ethan’ will not have that. He will not let her go through this alone. Even if she doesn’t want him to see her or hold her he’ll still only be a short walk away.

I think I answered this above ? Her family was her and her mom. They weren’t close growing up but once she moved away they both made an effort to keep in contact.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing? & What’s their current main conflict?

Yes. She chooses whiskey and scotch for the connotation associated with them. She cannot stand scotch but the commitment to the illusion is greater than her taste buds. Her new friend Polly introduces her to wine. She gets really bad stains on her lips from red wine and no one tells her this until she’s half a bottle down with ‘Ethan’ and he comments on it. She’s so embarrassed and rushed to the bathroom to wipe it off. He stands just outside the doorway laughing his ass off.

She’s the kind of drunk that wants a smoke or sex. Sometimes both.

When other people are drunk and she’s not she cannot stand it and avoids them. Unless it’s her roommates whom she cannot avoid. She’s teasing and loving and will be a complete idiot with them.

When ‘Ethan’ is drunk she lovingly teases him and finds him so fucking cute.

uhhhhh her main conflict during the entire series is trying to find herself. She needs to stop being the person she is out of necessity and be the person she doesn’t know who she is at her core.

Then there’s the conflict of falling in love with ‘Ethan’ given the circumstances and how stupidly happy he makes her. And the conflict of still loving the ‘Bryce’ she knew back then that still gives her butterflies and plagues her thoughts and dreams and then comes face to face with her temptation after all these years.

The Enigma, The Boy and the What If 👀

this girl’s just trying to figure life out because she didn’t have a strict parent to map her whole life out for her. it’s a blessing and a curse compared to all those she grew up with and modeled her life after. She’s just off on an unknown adventure making things up and she goes and stripping the past from her future.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties? & How have they changed over time?

She likes hipsters but if there’s an ounce of a chance she’s gonna be naked she needs a v-string even if they make her feel constipated. As for bras she loathes them. But apparently she needs them because of her body type. So if she’s gotta have a bra it’s padded and sexy. She’s not wearing it for her it’s for whoever will see her in it.

Eventually she’ll learn to love lingerie. For herself, not for ‘Ethan’.

The Hannah Evolution is messy.

A generally happy kid -> bogged down by having a single parent and the connotations that comes with that -> curating the perfect personality not to put strain on her mom -> creating an air of mystery and becoming an enigma. of never sharing her true feelings with anyone, even herself -> going after her dreams even if it pisses people off -> stupidly letting herself fall in love -> self sabotaging her happiness -> letting the facade crumble and rising from the ashes

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? & Your character walks into a cafe. What do they order?

Modern love letters are texts to wake up to and fall to sleep to. That’s something she romanticized with ‘Bryce’ and didn’t realize that meant nothing until ‘Ethan’ showed her.

Cappuccino. Probably a lemon poppy seed muffin. Or if they do sandwiches it would be a panini.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

Other people not related to her see her as arrogant and a closed book. She isn’t forthcoming and makes it really hard to get to know her on a personal level. That makes making friends in adulthood hard.

Her ex-friends see her as selfish and fake and can’t deal with the drama that seems to follow her. They are actually really resentful for how well life was panning out for her once they all stopped being friends.

‘Ethan’ is intrigued by her. She finds her brilliant and beautiful and he wants to know more about her. The difference is he’s willing to put in the work. He’s able to see the funny girl hiding behind the rogue exterior.

She varies in how she sees herself. Some days she loves who she is and walks down the street with unwavering confidence. Other days she cakes on a face full of make up and becomes her alter ego. She’s never truly fully happy with herself. Something inside her is constantly looking for the next best thing to happen in her life and it is detrimental.

52. How are you and your character the same? How are you different?

You can find the projection yourself 😅

I’m not as bold as Hannah. I also like to think I’m a little more lovable and have a better grip on reality than this mess.

54. What does your character want, and what do they need?

She wants to be successful and shove her success up the ass of everyone who told her no growing up. She wants to be on the cover of Forbes 30 under 30. She’s creative and a bit chaotic and follows whims. She just wants recognition.

What she needs is ‘Ethan’ and everything he’s opened her eyes to.

55. What’s your character’s core trait? What’s their best trait? What’s their worst trait? When happens when these all interact with each other?

Instability.

Her best trait is her drive. It’s a little shaky in the grand scheme of things but at her core she just wants the best life.

Her worst trait is her tendency to write and cut people off without another glance. She does it swiftly and unapologetically.

Gosh all of these things combined come out when she fights with someone and it’s terrible. There’s screaming and slamming doors and ‘Ethan’ doesn’t know what’s going on and wishes she’ll just talk to him. But she’s not that easy and he understands that but goddamn he loves her and for him this is worth fighting for.

THE END.

#aylaramseycarrera #asked #oc #hannah weill #fun fact: her last name is a typo that i took as a sign #to change from farina to weill lolll #theo zaino #elliott hensley #the enigma the boy and the what if #Ayla i required detailed feedback on this thank u much love

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silver--storms · 6 years ago

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Portland

Okay Sammy Anon here it is, sorry it took me so long I just wasn’t happy with my original draft so I started over. I hope you like where I went with it.

Shoutout to my babe @sparrowof-thedawn for being my Bae-ta. ;)

Warnings: None, it’s so fluffy it’ll rot your teeth.

WC: 3.8k

It was a Saturday afternoon, you were in your apartment lounging on the couch, waiting for a new video to upload to your YouTube channel, when you receive a message on your instagram.

Hello y/n, I am writing you on behalf of Greta Van Fleet. Jake Kiszka recently listened to your debut EP, which he shared with the band, and they really liked what they heard. The band is playing a ten show run across the West Coast in a month and their opening act had to cancel. We wanted to extend the opportunity to you to join them. Please get back to us as soon as possible to make arrangements, if you are interested in accepting this invitation. Thank you.

You sat there, heart pounding out of your chest, in shock at the thought of Greta Van Fleet even knowing you existed, let alone liking your music.

Without hesitation, or even taking a moment to process what you just read, you accepted the offer.

Grinning ear to ear, you called your mom telling her the news.

“I’m so for you happy y/n, but are you ready for what comes with this? At most the largest crowd you’ve played for has been 200 tops.”

You felt the air leave your body “Oh my god, you’re right. What did I just say yes to?”

You spent the next few weeks practicing five hours every day to nail down a small setlist and different elements you could incorporate into some sort of stage presence. Going as far as recording yourself for hours on end, mercilessly criticizing yourself, trying for perfection.

You went shopping with your best friend Alix to find some outfits that were easily interchangeable to add variety to your stage clothes without having to travel with multiple bags. You picked things like a colorful sparkly blazer, some see through button up blouses and, of course, the staple ripped black skinny jean that Jake Kiszka himself would approve of.

The day came to fly out to Portland to meet the band before your first show the next day. You were relieved when you found out you had a day before jumping right into the shows to be able to get to know them.

When you arrived at Portland International Airport everything was going to plan, you even made it there a few minutes early. However things took a turn when you arrived at the baggage claim to find out the airline had lost your luggage. You were mortified, as this only left you with your guitar and carry on bag containing just the essentials.

Panicked and filled with anxiety, you left your contact information with the airline in case your bags turned up in the next day or so that you’d be in the area. But you knew it was unlikely they’d find the luggage in time for your first show tomorrow night.

You exited the airport and searched for the description the band’s management gave you of your driver and the license plate number. There was no driver fitting the description, no one holding a sign and no matching plate.

You tried to calm yourself down “Maybe he is running late, I am a couple minutes early, wait it out.”

You waited for another thirty minutes before you broke down and called the manager, with no success. You spiraled into full blown panic as you hailed a cab and gave them the address of the hotel you and the band were staying at.

When you arrived at the hotel you were over an hour late. Heart racing, you hustled into the lobby heading for the front desk.

As you checked in with the clerk, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror off to the side of the desk. You looked rough, hair disheveled and makeup smeared from tears of frustration you had tried to suppress in the back of the cab on the way here.

All checked in you grabbed the key to your room and stepped over to the mirror to quickly try to freshen up your appearance. Fussing with your hair and reapplying some lipstick in an attempt to salvage any chance of a good first impression.

“This is as good as it’s going to get” you mutter to yourself.

Just then you heard familiar voices as you glanced over your shoulder. You saw the twins, Josh and Jake sitting at the hotel bar laughing about something between themselves.

Your hands began to shake as you grabbed your guitar and carry on, quickly walking towards the bar, when you collided with a boy.

You watched as your guitar slid out of your hands, flying into the air, when the boy lurched forward, almost diving, to catch the guitar inches from the ground.

“Holy shit!” you let out a sigh of relief as you practically snatched your guitar back, holding it close to your chest.

You looked up at the boy “Thank yo-” you stopped mid-sentence when you realized who he was, Sam Kiszka, the youngest of the band.

You were starstruck and at a loss of words. You never really gave Sam much thought. But being inches from him, you finally took him in.

You found yourself in a daze, staring into his bedroom eyes. You were completely mesmerized.

You felt your face growing warm and palms become sweaty “Oh my god, hi, I’m so sorry I ran into you like that, I really need to pay more attenti-”

Sam interrupted you “It’s okay, no worries.” he laughed. “I’m Sam, I’m assuming you’re y/n?”

You smiled at the fact he knew your name “Yes, it’s nice to meet you. I was just heading over to introduce myself to your brothers at the bar.”

Sam waved his arm motioning towards the bar “After you”.

Sam introduced you to his brothers, Jake and Josh, who were everything you thought they’d be. Jake, who was more timid, but very sweet. Where Josh was very vocal and had this passion behind each word. The four of you made polite small talk, Jake complimenting your EP and you expressing how excited you were to be here.

“Wait, where are the rest of your bags?” said Josh.

You let out a defeated sigh “Well you see…” you explained the trials and tribulations of the baggage claim disaster and the no-show driver to which the boys all apologized for the mix up with the transportation. “Yeah it just sucks because I’m not sure what I’m going to wear now for tomorrow’s show.”

Jake said he’d talk to management and see if there was anything they could do for you.

Josh stood up from the bar “Well let’s go up to the rooms, we have to wake up Danny anyways, he’s only been napping for over two hours.” He rolled his eyes.

As you entered the elevator, Sam offered to take your carry on, swinging it over his shoulder “You know, we have a couple interviews lined up for this afternoon, but after that I think we’re free?”

You looked at Sam with a confused expression.

“Portland has some of the best thrift shops, we could always hit a couple to find you some new stage clothes.”

You noticed Josh crossed his arms and exchanged looks with Jake smiling at each other. Before you dissect what they were thinking the elevator arrived at your floor, turning your attention back to Sam “Yeah, that sounds great!” Sam smiled at you as the elevator came to a stop.

As soon as the door opened Josh bolted and ran down the hall to their room to bust through the door, screaming at Danny to wake up.

Within seconds Josh retreated back into the hall, with his arms up in defense as Danny appeared running at him into the hallway with a pillow raised in his hand, screaming “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!”

Before Danny could land his blow to Josh’s head, Sam loudly cleared his throat, “Guys!” in a strained deep tone.

Danny turned to look behind him and laughed, dropping the pillow, walking over to introduce himself to you “Sorry, sometimes I just want to kill him. Trust me at the end of this tour, you will too.”

You laughed looking at Josh rolling his eyes behind Danny’s back.

The band had to get ready for their interviews and said their goodbyes. You entered your room, surprised by how big it was, but mostly taken aback by the view of the city. Stepping onto the balcony you breathed in deep, feeling like you should pinch yourself that this is actually happening.

Later that evening you were drying your hair after taking a quick shower when you heard a knock on your door. Peering out the peephole it was Sam, you felt your stomach flutter, opening the door slowly.

“Hey” Sam said smiling at you.

“Oh, hey, come in” giving him a half smile as you felt a little self conscious being makeup free with damp messy hair.

Sam stepped into the room “Are you ready to go?”

You looked down at yourself in your sweats, “Uhh…”

Sam chuckled “Need a few minutes?”

You felt your face get hot again “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t expect you guys to get back so quickly. Meet you downstairs in ten minutes?”

Stepping off of the elevator you spotted Sam sitting in a chair across the lobby, he waved at you, which made your heart skip.

“Hey, sorry, hopefully I didn’t take too long.”

He smiled, “You’re fine. Ready?”

You nodded but suddenly noticed he was alone “Wait, where’s everyone else?”

Sam started walking towards the door casually said “Oh, Josh and Jake already had plans to check out a local brewery and Danny’s girlfriend flew in a couple hours ago.”

Suddenly you felt very nervous, not in a bad way, just having the whole band with you was far less intimidating than just you and Sam alone together exploring different shops across the city. Nethertheless you felt an unfamiliar excitement grow within you.

Sam said he was taking you to downtown Portland to a couple of his favorite shops.

“You’re bound to find something that will work for tomorrow and we can figure out the rest later.” he said, but you were too lost to really pay attention to what he was saying.

You tried to play it cool, not wanting him to notice you studying him in the taxi. The way he held himself, the way his skin seemed to glow, his high cheekbones and perfectly arched eyebrows.

You always thought you were more into Jake, considering your mutual love for guitar, but there was something about Sam that lingered in your mind. Maybe it was how calm and collected he seemed, but not in a cold or intimidating way. He was warm and welcoming, like you’d have known each other for years versus the couple hours you’d spent together looking through racks of clothes.

“Ohh, this is it y/n!” Sam yelled across the store as he held up a bright purple polka dot fur vest with tassels hanging off the sides “This will really make a statement” he said sarcastically

“Oh yeah, that will definitely make a lasting impression, a real show stopper” you quipped back at him. You both laughed and smiled at each other.

You were starting to get frustrated not being able to find anything when Sam walked over to you holding a deep maroon dress.

“How about this” he held it up in front of you.

The dress had a subtle sparkle to it with bell sleeves and lace on top, something straight out of Stevie Nicks wardrobe.

Your face lit up “Oh Sam, it’s perfect. I love it!”

Sam smiled brightly “Why don’t you try it on, make sure it works”

You headed to the dressing room and slipped the dress on, it fit perfectly, like a glove. You admired your cleavage and the way it hugged your hips just right. Your worries about losing your luggage started to fade away, but you weren’t sure if it’s because Sam had found you the perfect dress or if this meant you got to have these little thrift store adventures with Sam throughout the tour.

As you were lost in thought Sam tapped on the door “Did it work?”

“Yes, it’s absolutely perfect”, you laughed in reply.

There was a moment of silence “Well…can I see?”

You felt your face get flushed as you slowly opened the door. Sam was standing directly outside, his eyes got wide and his mouth slightly dropped open as he stuttered.

“uh…Wow, yeah it looks great. I think it’s a keeper.”

You smiled coyly “Thanks, I’ll get changed and we can head out.”

Sam and you couldn’t stop talking the entire way back to the hotel. Everything from food, to different countries he’s visited, his favorite bands and of course you had to ask about the no shoe policy.

As you pull up to the hotel Sam quickly got out of the cab and ran over to your side opening your door for you.

You laughed loudly at him “Oh, Samuel, you’re such a gentleman. Thank you.”

He beamed at you, looking rather pleased with himself “So I’ve been told.”

As you were walking together to your room things suddenly shifted, an unspoken tension between the two of you, you started to feel nervous. The conversation between the two of you sort of died out and were mostly quiet the whole way up until you got in front of your rooms

“So this is it, I’ll see you bright and early?”

You nodded “Yeah, sounds good. I’ll try to not let the nerves get me and actually get some rest.”

Sam chuckled “You’ll be okay, promise” as he started to walk away you lightly grabbed his arm

“Thank you, by the way, you really didn’t have to do that tonight.”

Sam’s face scrunched up with confusion “Do what?”

Your hand remained on his arm “Helping me find new stage clothes, I really appreciate you taking the time out.”

Sam smirked and took a step towards you, your heart feeling like it was about to explode inside of your chest. Sam started to say something when Jake opened the door of the boys room and peaked out at the two of you standing inches from each other.

“I thought I heard voices.” You smiled at Jake and back up at Sam as he started to back up and walk towards Jake.

“Sweet dreams” he said joining Jake in their room.

You entered your room and collapsed on your bed replaying the night in your head trying to dissect every moment. You sighed as you rationalized that Sam was probably just being nice and you were getting ahead of yourself. You decided to head to bed to be well rested for the long day ahead of your tomorrow.

The next morning you all headed to the venue and started to run through your sets. Soundcheck went well and you were feeling okay about the show, however when it was an hour before you took the stage your nerves really started to get the best of you.

The band was finishing up with a pre-show meet and greet with some fans who had VIP passes so they weren’t available to talk you down. You felt hot and like you might vomit as the time inched closer.

With only twenty minutes left, you decided to peak out at the crowd from the side of the stage, instantly you knew that was a terrible idea. Looking out you couldn’t tell where the crowd started and came to an end.

Feeling like you might pass out, hot and sweaty, you needed to do something to cool yourself down. You headed to the refreshment table and grabbed some ice, dabbing it over your face and chest. The whole while taking deep breaths to center yourself.

After a few minutes, you felt yourself starting to calm down when you heard footsteps behind you.

“You okay?” turning around it was Sam with a warm smile, embarrassed you chucked the ice in the garbage next to you.

“Yeah, I guess” you said sheepishly “I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed, how do you do this every night?”

Sam laughed “Well, to be fair it’s not every night, but it does get easier”

You smirked “I hope so.”

Sam motioned for you to follow him over to a set of chairs “Look, I used to feel the same way when we first started doing live shows. Honestly, sometimes I’d get sick right before going on stage.”

You were shocked he admitted that “Wow, really?”

Sam nodded looking a little embarrassed “Yeah, really, it was awful.” Sam moved his knees in closer to you, lightly brushing them agaisnt yours “The thing you have to remember is that if you fuck up, the crowd will have no idea, only you will. You choose how you react to it, so just play it off. That’s one of the best things about being an up and coming artist, they have no idea what to expect from you more than you from them, so use it.”

You instantly felt the tension release from your body but before you could respond to his sweet words the stage manager yelled your name and waved you over, you got up.

Sam followed you to the side of the stage, handed you your guitar and said “Good luck and try to have fun.” as he gave you a light shove onto the stage.

You walked out on stage stopping halfway to turn back and smile at him as he gave you a thumbs up. You laughed at him mouthing the words “Thank you” and he nodded.

You strummed the first few notes of your opening song and after that it was all a blur. You felt electrified to play in front of that many people and you lost yourself in the energy of the night.

Catching glances here and there from Sam, who watched from the sidelines your whole set. You knew this tour was going to be the best few weeks of your life, especially with someone like Sam cheering you on.

#first ever request #hopefully you like it #portland fic #sammy kiszka #sammy kiszka fic #sam kiszka #sammy gvf #greta van fleet #josh kiszka #jake kiszka #danny wagner #my writing

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spiriituma · 5 years ago

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@beyondthetemples asked: {{ You want someone to talk to you about your girls, I'm always down for throwing some Thoughts your way! So that story mentions Lee being a teenager with magic too powerful for her own good. After that night, does she learn any lessons? Does she become more capable of harnessing it? Does her relationship with that power change over time? Since Lava is connected to her through that magic, do Lava's abilities or senses or consciousness grow with it? Their relationship?

||..*cracks knuckles* LET’S GO--

DOES LEE LEARN ANY LESSONS AFTER CREATING LAVA?

YES-- !! When her and Lava wake up the next morning, there’s a fundamental change in her. It’s not like she immediately has the best habits surrounding her magic, but suddenly the THOUGHT is there, that she has to be more RESPONSIBLE with the spells she casts. Lee up to this point has never really had to think about the consequences that come from her actions; now, thanks to Lava and her constant heart attacks, SHE CAN’T ESCAPE IT.

On her and Lava’s walk out of the cemetery, both of them surrounded by DEATH for THREE WHOLE MILES, she does a lot of REFLECTING. Her and Lava are still regaining their strength and learning to trust each other, and Lee absolutely REFUSES to get on the horse out of fear that the mare will once again try to kill her. Seeing all the damage she’s caused to keep herself alive (and give Lava life,) Lee fully believes that she is IN DEBT to some kind of higher power, i.e.-- her MAGIC.

Though it may not necessarily be the BEST of lessons, but Lee also picks up a habit of being overly reckless with her own life TO SAVE OTHERS. Friends or strangers, Lee will throw herself in harm’s way without hesitation to save someone.

DOES SHE BECOME MORE CAPABLE OF HARNESSING (HER MAGIC)? DOES HER RELATIONSHIP TO HER POWER CHANGE OVER TIME?

When her and Lava begin to travel, YES, she takes every opportunity to practice. Though Lee isn’t the best at reading to begin with, she had been able to study things she had interest in without any problems-- school was awful for her, but learning magic? Reading spellbooks? Researching casting methods? LOVED IT. Now, though, the effect of losing/numbing some of her nerves/dying in general has given her DYSLEXIA. She tries her hardest to push past it, but finds it difficult now to read/write.

This doesn’t stop her from PRACTICING methods that she already does know, combining spells and tricks and try and teach herself new things without having to read. Practice makes perfect! Eventually, she gets herself under control to the point where her magic doesn’t just suddenly UNLEASH itself when she gets angry. (This is AFTER her encounter with Trevor’s father, however.)

Her relationship to her power most definitely changes, but it’s both a good and bad change imo. Lee’s grandmother is the one who taught her the basics and gave her a grasp on what exactly she could be capable of and the dangers behind it. Once her grandmother dies, she starts to have less reverence for her magic; it’s not so much a gift that she has been blessed with as opposed to a TOOL. Then, when she’s on her own, not only is it a tool, but it becomes a WEAPON.

She’s still not CASUAL with her magic by the time she creates Lava; it takes until she’s about 16/17 and actively a vigilante that the casual, flippant usage of her powers begins to take place. Of course, after creating Lava, the REVERENCE, but it’s less out of FEAR and more out of RESPECT.

SINCE LAVA IS CONNECTED TO HER THROUGH HER MAGIC, DO LAVA’S SENSES OR CONSCIOUSNESS GROW WITH IT?

YES!! Lava at first has VERY BASIC speech capabilities, mainly able to communicate through body language. Because she DOES have some parts of her that are partially human (notably her brain,) Lava knows a few words, though she doesn’t talk to Lee immediately. Essentially, she picks up on some things that she hears Lee say and parrots them back mentally.

LEE TEACHES HER TO SPEAK, and they also develop their own form of sign language. In most cases, when I write for Lava, she is only a handful of years into existing, so she talks and thinks in slightly broken English. Over time, she can form full sentences and has a much better use of language. Though she doesn’t PHYSICALLY age, she certainly does mentally and emotionally.

Lava also steadily becomes more ALIVE with age, as does Lee (verse depending.) Eventually, she starts to grow a full coat of fur and her veins become less pronounced.

LEE AND LAVA’S RELATIONSHIP

This could be its own multi-para headcanon post on it’s own, but I’ll try to be brief lol.

So, at first, Lee is obviously VERY AFRAID of Lava. Lee passes out after the spell that gives Lava life, and she stays asleep for THREE DAYS; Lava wakes up first and stands over her THE ENTIRE TIME. At first, their relationship is all about survival-- Lava has no idea how to exist, and Lee needs a getaway vehicle. Of course, Lee could have just LEFT HER somewhere, but as mentioned earlier... SHE FEELS TERRIBLE about what she’s done, and being kind to Lava is a part of repaying that debt.

Neither of them trust each other at first, but there is a mutual need to survive that causes them to have to tolerate the other. By the time Lee meets Trevor, they have formed a FRIENDSHIP, Lava being extremely protective of Lee. The two can now talk to each other, having developed their form of sign language and Lava having a basic grasp on language that allows them to communicate.

Lee doesn’t try to ride Lava for the first two weeks. Lava, at one point, just PICKS HER UP and tosses her on board in an attempt to get away from a store Lee had just robbed. It’s a panic-induced ride from hell, but Lee realizes just how fast Lava can go and starts to teach herself how to fight off of horseback. As a kid, Lee took riding lessons, so she was comfortable on horseback, but her major concern was trusting Lava.

#||..asks | please leave a message #||..leijona | headcanons && i'm done with my graceless heart #||..lava | headcanon && what the hell is that?#||..ooc | emma u lil shit #beyondthetemples

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