#or indulge in some past life regression

[baby-anonymouse]

god if you’re real please manifest unto me as tom petty and the Steve miller band please I need a vision

[rizzanon]

Heyy how are you?

helloo!! using this ask to answer everyone who’s been asking for my wellbeing these past two weeks! i’ve been doing alright!!

ramadan this year was just a little more tiring that usual and i didn’t really have the motivation to go and answer my inbox these past few weeks so that would explain my inactivity lol 😅🥲 (so sorry for those who sent in asks 😭)

but that doesn’t mean i haven’t been thinking about undoing fate and batfam feb (if we can call it that still 💀 it’s almost april oh my days)

that being said, i officially won’t be back until april at best, it’s exam season again and i totally flopped my H2 chem paper (fucking hate organic chem so much)

i’ve already drafted all of the works i planned to post during batfam feb, but some are still not finished yet—i’m planning to multi drop them when i’m freed from the shackles of exams 😭😓

and undoing fate chapter 8 and 9 (yes 9 🙂‍↕️) will be dropping sometime in april (mid april latest)

so stay tuned!

that being said, incase you guys want to know what i’ve been doing (other than racking my brains for exams 💀), just click below the cut.

was super hyped for invincible season 3 and i loved every bit of it (rexsplode you will be missed dearly—it should have been immortal 💀) and i absolutely loved marks black and blue suit (we gotta love our graysons and their redheads 🥰🤗)

and because i kinda got back into my invincible hyperfixation, i can’t help but think of regressor! sister grayson—you’re a year younger than mark here(but technically i wouldn’t call this version a regressor, just someone who regressed once and used it to her full advantage) and have been exploiting my sideblog to test it out a bit… (these are privated lol)

got the motivation when i rewatched season two and remembered angstrom mentioning how in quite a few dimensions, debbie joined nolan and mark in their conquering, so take it that in her first life, she came from such a dimension, but when she regressed, she found herself in the current dimension that we know of… somewhat.

i completely understand if yall think this is probably more of an oc than a x reader type but yes this was kind of self-indulgent and still a wip lol

that being said, i also made some other platonic aus—if there is a batsis au, there must be a supersis au too! 🤭

probably won’t be a series, just some fluff works surrounding this au lol

and i’ve been delving into the actual comics for arrowfam and green lantern corp as well so i can’t help but imagine…

of course once again, this might be very self-indulgent and probably more of an oc than x reader, but i can’t get this idea out of my head until i write it all out 😓🫣 (incase you can’t tell all these ss are just snippets and i’ve written a lot more in my sideblog posts lol)

there’s still that one bruce wayne x childhood friend! reader slow burn fic that i have in my drafts that’s 90% done as well as another work i’m working on… so yes, i’ll most definitely be spoiling you guys in april 🤗🤫

ALSO THANK YOU FOR 2.5K FOLLOWERS WHATT that’s insane 😭🫶🫶

i think that’s mainly it 😅

oh

i also got addicted to dc dark legions 😓💀

still learning the meta behind these but i didn’t expect myself to fall in so deep 😭

red hood is still one of my best characters (he should have been red but thank god he’s yellow, because he’s been carrying my team, along with mera lol)

hate the fact that my beloved nightwing is so hard to get though 😭 so yup, that’s about it! let me know what yall think about the few teasers i dropped lol)

[spr1ngbunni]

Stress Relief (William Afton x Reader)

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼ ☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼ ☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

Summary: Reader is stressed out as usual and William takes things into his own hands to relieve your stress.

Tags: nsfw, smut, vaginal sex, overstimulation, corruption, daddy kink, drugging (but the reader is into it LMAO), age regression if you squint, choking, multiple orgasms, creampie, breeding kink, toys, soft!dom!William, submissive!soft!reader

author’s note: AAAAAAA here’s my first William x Reader smut fic i’m a bit shy to post this tbh 🤧. This definitely isn’t for everyone as there’s some very self indulgent kinks but regardless I hope you enjoy!! Also no beta LETS GOOOOOO

Word count: 4k

You & William have been dating for a few weeks now, and you couldn't have asked for a better lover. He was the richest man in Hurricane, with an empire so great he could care for you, a whole family and more. His tall frame domineered in every room he was in. His usual bored, uninterested gaze always turned to one filled with love and admiration when pointed in your direction. William considered himself God, a man who created life itself, and every person in Hurricane was so much lesser than him, less smart, less powerful, less brilliant, except for you. You were his treasure, his most precious belonging. You belonged to him. Such a darling little thing for Mr. Afton.

You were always so kind to him, and he adored your sweet voice, kind eyes and he believed you to be absolutely ravishing. You had to be his, all his, and you took to his advances so well.

William had never loved like this before. Hell, he didn't even know a love like this could exist. William Afton was a whore, and despite this, his many partners in the past could never amount to how you made him feel.

Really there was nothing like it. He had remembered the first time he held you- you were a crying touch starved mess, and William’s gentle affection brought you to tears. And in his embrace sparked a unique, unforgettable and esoteric feeling. As you cried, you couldn't help but feel like a kid again, running to your Dad for comfort… and for William, he was a Father again, holding his newborn baby as they cried and cried. Gently rocking you in his arms to soothe your quivering, emotional self.

Since then the dynamics really shifted between you and William. Whereas he becomes more of a dom and caretaker than a traditional boyfriend. And you have loved it so much. Some people may say he was too controlling… But it was a comfort to you. You were always stressed, worrying about every little thing, and what kind of Daddy would he be if he didn’t help his baby bunny? So of course Daddy will help you out, pick out what you’re gonna wear for the day, what to eat… All he wanted was the best for his baby.

Which is why he made you a special little gift. You have been stressing out more than usual as of late, so William has taken the executive decision to remove every last bit of stress from you. And with this-

William held up a mechanical device underneath the blinding bulb of the overhead lamp sitting above his workbench. He inspected it for any imperfections. The device itself was sleek and smooth, a plastic outer shell, in the shape of an egg-like structure. The top had an opening, fit with soft smooth silicone. The opening was no more than a few inches deep, and at the base of the toy was a more phallic silicone object. All waterproof and skin safe of course.

William smiled at himself in self satisfaction. He had made great unbelievable advancements with his robotics, so certainly machines of this nature wouldn't be difficult for him to replicate.

Toys were no new thing for you and William, but it would be the first time he built one for you. Completely tailored to your body, your greatest weakest points all taken into account upon creation. To have William’s precious baby bunny come undone from his own creations, was an exhilarating thought. One that practically made his pants tighten at the mere thought.

After feeling satisfied with the aesthetics of it, William decided to try the power. A few second long press of the button and the little toy came to life. A soft humming resonated through the workshop, and William carefully examined the toy. Pressing the opening to his hand he smiled.

Just the right amount of vacuum pressure, vibration, and the pulsating inner core really tied it all together. His hand slid to the phallic object on the other end of the toy, wrapping around it tight, imagining his hand to be your inner core gripping onto it. He smiled once more as his hand ached, just knowing the thousands of nerve endings in your cute little pussy would be no match.

Yes this will do. This certainly will do.

It would take away his baby bunny’s stress but even their mind as well… Though this was no concern for William, you are his bunny after all, and that includes having ownership over your mind. He’ll take good care of it as he does you…

Though his little excursion didn't end there. Once the toy was all set he grabbed a miscellaneous dime bag, filled with crystalline substances and headed upstairs into the kitchen.

He loves his baby bunny he really does. And he’s so proud of them for working so hard. But his bunny works too hard sometimes, not knowing when to stop. Even he struggled to get his bunny to rest.. Some nights William had to physically pull you away from work and into bed… and with the amount of stress you’ve been harboring as of late… William wasn’t taking any chances! So of course he needed to take things into his own hands.

He was cooking dinner for you, and upon plating the servings did he make sure to incorporate a decent dose of the crystallized powder into your serving. He hummed in satisfaction and returned to waiting for your arrival.

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

The familiar sound of the door locks unlatching brought upon William’s attention.

“I’m homee !” your voice called out, completely intertwined with stress and exhaustion.

Oh poor baby, you sounded so stressed..

William rushed over to greet you, cupping your face in his hands and pressing kisses all over.

“Welcome home Sweetie”

You giggled at the sensation of his beard and kisses tickling your face. You wrapped your arms around him tight as he showered you with his love.

William rubbed your back soothingly and gave you a gentle pat.

“Aww my poor baby…”, he cooed, running his hands through your hair soothingly.

“I can feel the tension in you…Why don't you let me take good care of you. I made dinner already so why don’t we get all cleaned up and eat hm?”

You pull yourself slightly away from him, not enough to fully separate yourself from him and nod.

“Yes.. that would be so nice” you respond, the sound of exhaustion in your voice apparent.

William hummed in satisfaction and scooped you up to head towards the bathroom. He turned the knob on the shower on and began to gingerly undress you, leaving gentle kisses on your bare skin whenever exposed. He really had to hold himself back from going overboard, there would be plenty of time for that later, but for now he just needed to care for his bunny a little bit.

Once declothed the both of you entered the shower, water now hot enough to your liking. You found yourself hugging Will again, feeling affectionate. The vague weariness in your limbs causing you to lean into him exhaustively.

“My poor baby, all stressed and tired” William squeezes you tight before running his hands down your body. He reached over for the soap to begin cleaning you, keeping you close.

Letting William bathe you like this was always so intimate and sweet. It really highlighted the more gentle side of himself. The way he worked was focused, methodical, similar to him cleaning his animatronics, and with that spark in his eye. That spark that said “This is mine”

Once clean, you both head to the kitchen to eat. You already feel so much better, the heat from the water and Will’s gentle affection soothing your body and mind.

You sat down at the table already feeling much better, and now noticing your hunger. Will returned from the kitchen with two plates of food, setting yours right in front of you.

“Aw Will, it’s so sweet of you to have cooked for us, its like you’re the housewife for a change” you joke, as Will cooking was rare. You tended to cook for the both of you like the sweet housewife you were to him.

Will chuckled in response “You’ll always be my little housewife bunny, plus, how could I not take care of my baby?”

You smile at his words and begin to eat.

“This is delicious! Thank you again Will” though you noticed something was off with the aftertaste. It was almost sour. Maybe William wasn’t the best cook but you paid no mind to it. You just pushed past it and continued to finish your plate.

“You don’t have to thank me bunny, I’m just taking care of you” he smiled.

As you finished your plate, you noticed the beginnings of a sensation pooling in your stomach. You could feel your head start to feel a bit hazy. It felt as if… something was kicking in? You shook your head, choosing to ignore it and finish your meal.

But the feelings only increased. Your vision shifted in and out of focus and you squirmed in your seat.

“What’s the matter?” William reached across the table and grasped your hand, rubbing soothing circles onto the back of it.

“I’m-I’m fine really, just a little dizzy” you go to stand up and thats when it really hits you.

You stumbled and Will was quick to catch you, getting up from his seat and headed towards you, wrapping you tight in his arms.

“Whoa there sweetie ! Be careful !”

“Aahh Will, I feel weird, like something is kicking in” You hold onto the man tight, feeling your head go more and more numb. The warm feelings increased and spread throughout your whole body. Being so close to Will and simply just touching him made it worse. Did being this close to him always feel this good?

His scent; cigarettes, cologne and a secret third thing that was just so purely William filled your senses as he held you close. And the tactile feeling of his soft shirt and warmth of his body was just so intoxicating.

“W…..Will, Did you drug the food…? I’m not mad… just wondering..” You nuzzle him affectionately and glance up at him with those sweet eyes of yours.

He smiles at you in return, petting you lovingly.

“Aww baby I had to! You were so stressed and upset I couldn’t just leave you like that… and you’re a very good bunny you always are.. but sometimes you don’t listen and won’t rest.. So Daddy needed to give you special medicine to help you relax is all. I just want the best for you”

You let out a soft whine as the drug continues to assault your system, and Will’s sweet words bounce around in your brain, registering purely as pleasure.

“Daddyyy… I love you Daddy… so good to me.. taking care of me like this”

You couldnt help but feel a rush of excitement over the situation. How Will loved you. Loved you so much he’d do anything to make you feel better. To even go as far as to drug you as a way to release you from your stress had your head spinning and your pussy throbbing.

“Now sweet bunny why don’t we get you to bed hm? So Daddy can help scrub away whatever stressful little things are left in that pretty head of yours”

William scooped you up once again and took you to the bedroom, making sure to leave a long kiss on your forehead, pouring all his love into it.

“There we are…. Now how are you feeling?”

Daddy sat on the bed as you lay next to him.

He gazed down at you, gently petting your hair, occasionally running his thumb across your cheek affectionately.

“Mm feeling all floaty… its nice…. want.. want Daddy closer” You reached out to him, wanting to hold him close.

“Of course darling” William moved across the bed to hold you tight, increasing his petting to your whole body. He ran his hands down your arms, your side, down your thighs and back up, repeating the motion, each time creeping closer and closer to your inner thighs.

All you could do was babble and whine as you regressed into a more docile and dumbed down version of yourself. High off the pleasure from the chemicals of the drug and your Daddy’s gentle touches and words.

William loved seeing you like this, all dumb and sweet for him. Seeing every last bit of stress leave your face, seeing you relax into him, unable to even form coherent sentences. He leaned down to kiss your face again, in between muttering words of praise.

“My bunny, so good for me”

You wriggled and whined, feeling increasingly needy as he continued. Eventually you couldn’t take it and captured his lips in a deep kiss.

Though you were the one who initiated the kiss, you were quickly put into submission as William took control, holding you firmly in place as he kissed you so deeply.

His hand dips in between your thighs as he lightly sucks on your tongue, rubbing gently over your clothed clit.

William smiled through the kiss and pressed his hand harder onto your cunt. He didnt move for a few seconds, but held his hand still, pressing into the dampening fabric. The firm pressure of his hand on your crotch made your head melt even further. Feeling the edges of your mind slip away as he continues rubbing you deeper into submission.

“Aww is my baby getting needy?”

You continue to make sweet noises for him, and he gently shushes and pets your hair, slipping his hand into your panties to touch you directly.

Your reaction is immediate.

You gasp out as your head spins. The feeling of his fingers on you is such a simple action, yet its breaking you apart.

“Such a good bunny for Daddy, taking pleasure so well” William kisses your forehead and removes his hand from your crotch and roughly pulls your panties down and off of your body. Then, he aligns his hips with your crotch and begins to grind against your bare cunt.

You can feel yourself soaking the front of his pants, the rough fabric and his hardening cock grinding into your overly sensitive pussy.

“Ddadddyyy too much ahhh—!” you cry out as he roughly ruts against you.

Your head still spinning you feel William grip your hips and push them against his, ignoring your cry.

“You’re all mine bunny, this cute little cunt of yours belongs to me ”

William wraps his arm around your waist and pushes you ever closer to him. His hips began to increase in pace as you start to cry out for him over and over. Leading into an explosive climax, you cum all over him, feeling a rush of wetness between the both of you.

William continues grinding into you, overstimulating you but not too much.

This was just the beginning, and he couldn’t get too carried away just yet. And look how cute you were, cumming all over his clothed hard crotch.

William kisses your forehead, and leans close to your ear and speaks lowly,

“Darling, I have a surprise for you,”

“Wha? Daddy?” You barely could register what he was saying to you, your mind melded with the drug and the overwhelming high of post orgasm bliss and overstimulation.

William reached into the nightstand to reveal a lewd looking object, clearly a sex toy that he himself had engineered.

“This is made especially for you my princess,” he leaned back over to you on the bed and started peppering your face with kisses.

Sliding his hand down your body he gently rubbed you again, and with his other hand clicked on the toy.

A humming vibrating noise filled the room along with your uneven breaths, your brain now registering just what he was talking about.

William went on to explain the toys functionality, in the same way he would go on about his own animatronic creations. Methodical and professional, his voice confident and unwavering as if he didn’t have a trembling little bunny beneath him.

“This here is for your clit. The opening is fit with soft silicone. I just know how sensitive you are there sweetie, its one of your weakest points and Daddy just can’t help but play with it hm?”

“When I place it on you,” William held the toy firmly against you,

“there’ll be a bit of vacuum suction and vibration of course, all meant to overwhelm your cute little clit with pleasure”

Before you even had the chance to respond William clicked the toy on, and your response was immediate.

“Dadddyyyyyy—!”

Your clit is sucked up gently into the toy exposing every sensitive nerve to devilish vibration.

Your hips jerk upwards and William pins you down firmly, pressing the toy ever so slightly harder into your supple flesh.

Its pleasure like you’ve never felt before. Your weakest point manipulated solely by your Daddy’s creation.

You writhe under his grasp, crying out broken moans and whines of “Daddy” fully melting underneath his assault directly on your clit. And it just keeps going.

It’s only seconds before you’re cumming again, and again, and again. Completely overwhelmed with continuous orgasms, your body unable to handle the newfound pleasure that has been bestowed upon you.

“Shhh sweetie its okay. Just keep cumming for Daddy alright?” William’s voice is sickeningly sweet, laced with lust as he continues pushing his creation harder onto your clit, upping the power even more.

“Too much Daddy— its too—!” tears slip out your eyes, completely overwhelmed with mind numbing pleasure.

“Aww my poor baby” William leans down to capture your lips in a deep kiss to shush you, wiping away your tears. You can barely kiss him back, just crying out as he dominates your whole being completely.

After he pulls a few more orgasms out of you he finally puts the toy to rest. He kisses you deeply, his feverish movements now slow and intimate. He sets the toy aside and rubs his hands soothingly up and down your body. He breaks his kiss with you and gently wipes your tears away. He then kisses down your body, leaving marks at your neck, down your chest, kissing softly on your tummy.

Once his face greets your overstimulated, swollen pussy he gently pushes a single digit into you. You’re tight, but due to your arousal and subsequent orgasms you’re cunt is more receptive to the intrusion.

He pushes his finger in and out slowly as you begin to whine again when his finger curls just right inside of you. He stretches you out slowly and fully, inserting another finger.

“Good bunny, taking my fingers so well”

Once he feels satisfied with his work, he reaches back for the toy, this time his attention on the other side of the object. He clicks on the button and teases your entrance with it. Your clit still buzzing and your head still melting, you cry out as you feel William push in the vibrator. Your walls clench against the vibrating toy, already feeling pleasure heat you up once again.

William wraps you into his arms and kisses you again as the toy assaults your insides.

At this point your head is mush, overwhelmed with so much bliss as Daddy cares for you. Every worry and every bit of stress you carried completely melting out of you. Your head lulls and William holds you up

“Don’t go out on me now sweetie, Daddy isn’t done with you yet. I still have to breed that tight little cunt of yours”

“Daddyyy please—-“

“Wanna feel you deep inside—!”

You whine out feeling your cunt overwhelmed with pleasure as the toy inside you continues to buzz. It feels so good but it isn’t Daddy. And you want Daddy’s thick cock and virile seed inside of you, desperately.

“No need to beg sweetheart Daddy’s got you” he pulls the toy out of you, then undoing his belt and fly, pulling his straining cock out his pants. He strokes himself a few times kissing the corners of your mouth as you gasp for breath.

He lines himself up with your heated core and slowly pushes himself in. Savoring the feeling of your tight heat with every inch.

“Biiiig stretch bunny” William completely sheaths himself inside of you, and you can feel your walls stretch to accommodate his large size. He’s much bigger than the toy so its quite the fit. You feel him snug against your cervix and you let out a drawn out moan as you’re completely filled with Daddy’s cock.

“Nggghhhh… so deep Daddy”

Slowly and firmly he presses even deeper before sliding out slightly. Sensually and gently fucking into you.

Your head spins, your breath quickens, your mind completely hazy as you take your Daddy’s cock so deep inside.

William presses his forehead against yours and intertwines his fingers with your trembling hands.

“My sweet baby bunny, you’re so good for me”

You can only moan in response, completely incoherent as the drug pulses through your veins and pleasure spreading from your cunt to your entire body.

William languidly fucks into you, wrapping his arms around you tight. He lifts your hips and pulls all the way out leaving your hole clenching on nothing for a brief second before he slams himself in again. This time rough and even deeper, practically bruising your cervix.

You cry out as William ruts into you at a rough pace, all his inhibitions gone. He loved toying with you, but he’s just been aching to be inside you all day.

“Ahh— Haah Daddyyy—!”

“Good bunny taking Daddy’s cock so well. Gonna breed you so fucking good”

William continues his brutal pace, bringing one of his hands to your throat and pressing down firmly. You gasp and squirm under his touch, bringing your hands to his, feeling the strength of his grip on your sensitive neck.

Your head becomes impossibly even hazier as Daddy presses his hand tighter onto your throat. You glance up at him and see nothing but love and adoration in his eyes. His precious bunny was being so good for him. Taking his cock so well while he choked you. He truly loved you so much.

Your hips lift up to take him as deep as possible, lewd wet sounds filling the room. Nothing but pleasure is coursing through your veins and in that pretty little head of yours.

“Look at my baby bunny, taking a proper fucking from Daddy, yeah?”

“Ahh- Haah fuck so good Daddy!”

William releases your throat from his grip and reaches over and grabs the toy again, pressing it on once more.

You gasp for air and once the sound of vibration hits your ears you feel yourself ache again.

“Daddy I can’t-“

before you even finish your sentence the toy is back on your clit, sucking and vibrating the oversensitive nub.

You cry out a broken scream as the sensations of being ruthlessly bred and your clit stimulated at the same time overwhelming your poor bunny brain as you cum all over again, clenching around William’s cock.

“Feels good doesn’t it princess?”

“Gonna fill your womb with my cum. Gonna make you a mommy” William groans out, watching your fucked out expression as he rams himself deep inside you.

Your mind goes nearly blank at the thought of carrying his child and William notices, and that look alone brings him to the edge. He curses as he feels himself spill inside you, thrusting and pushing his cum deep into your womb. He leans into the crook of your neck and groans as he feels you squeeze him so nicely.

“Such a nice hole for me to fuck…such a pretty womb all for Daddy to ruin”

“Mmm—! Daddyyy love you so muuuuch—!” You cry out, wrapping your arms around him tight, tears spilling out your eyes once more.

“Love you too bunny” William kisses you deeply, keeping eye contact with you as he does. You cum around his cock again, milking him for all he’s worth. He keeps lazily thrusting and sets the toy aside, settling on rubbing your sensitive nub in slow, soothing circles.

You continue to throb and clench around him involuntarily, softly panting in your post orgasm bliss.

“Mmm my pretty bunny”

William pets your hair softly, moving a strand out of your face.

You’re completely gone at this point, William having corrupted you completely and fully. Turning his sweet little stressed bunny into his pleasure filled fucktoy.

He kisses you again, gently and soft.

“Love you my sweet princess” he whispers, watching as you lose consciousness there in his arms.

[crsssie]

if I told you that I love you, you could be mine

word count: 15.7k

warnings: non-explicit smut, death and heavy themes, historical au

summary: whether in curse or in blessing, in life or in death, he is your knight before anything else, and your orders are absolute, even if it means losing you

🕛.

You die too early the first time Cael serves you.

He finds that the two of you are stuck in some time loop, some loop in which every time you wake up at the stroke of nine on the night you had suffered a concussion, and you stare at your hand, a new carving on your upper thigh, a groan slipping past your lips as he watches you make way to the mirror and pull your night dress up to count. The first time it happens, you only see one tick on your upper thigh, and you turn to look at Cael, confused, eyes wide.

"What... year is it?"

Cael, the ever-faithful servant, gives you the year.

The first time it happened, you clawed at your hair and cried.

The first time it happened, Cael did not tell you that he had returned with you. He had simply watched as you scribbled down everything that happens in the future, and he had nodded when you had told him to guard outside the door rather than inside. He is your faithful knight. His sole purpose is to live to serve you— so if you regress and want him outside of the room from now on, he will regress with you. He will serve you until blood bleeds through his fingers and his soul shatters into pieces through the regression. Until the sun burns out from exhaustion and leaves not a trace of the planet left, he will serve you.

So, he follows you on your journey, he watches as you flirt with the king, lips curled into a sweet smile as you link arms with him, the passion that bled past your skin burning into his, an impression that left everyone who had ever interacted with you speechless. It was simply how you were. You had the aura that would win thousands, and you knew it. So, he stands there on the side, simply content with being with you at every moment. You indulge in the king, smile charming him, and your engagement approaches. He does not get the luxury of being the one you choose, but he gets the honor of being by your side and escorting you down the aisle to the king.

Even if he is too old for you, and even if the king is almost a decade above your age, Cael hands your hand to the king with a nod. He believes that you are making the correct choice. You are making the correct choice to pick the king, and you will live to see a long, long life. You will have children and rule over the empire with dignity and grace, and he will stand by your side through it all as your personal knight.

Your first death comes too fast.

First, there is the announcement of your pregnancy. You are told that you will bear a son to the king, and the two of you are elated. The village streets are decorated with ornaments that would cost a fortune at the celebration of a royal prince, and you are elated, your smile crinkling even the corner of your eyes with a joy that he could only call euphoric. As your personal knight, he guards the chambers of you and the king at night, fighting off any intruders that the king himself was not fast enough for. There are little assassins, he finds. The people of the empire are relatively content with the fact that you are to bear a son.

You decorate the coming prince's bedroom, his cradle and bed all dressed with pretty hues that you pick out personally, and Cael nods at you as you ask him which one would suit the baby more. He tells you both— if your child is to take after you, the prince would look beautiful. You laugh at him, lips stretched into a wide smile as you smack him playfully. You smack him in a way that is unbefitting of the queen of the empire, but in a way that Cael has grown used to since the beginning of his service to you, a way that Cael knows is only reserved for him.

As your due date arrives, he stays by your side alongside the king, offering you a hand when you struggle to do simple tasks, nodding at the maids as he makes your favorite dish. You eat it with the same vigor that he is used to, and he cracks the smallest of smiles as you finish his dish and ask for seconds. The king laughs, wiping your mouth with a smile, simply glad that you are eating again after your pregnancy sickness.

Then, your water breaks.

It is at night, and Cael calls for a maid as the king holds onto your hand, and he watches the midwife as she rushes in with a group of maids. Your legs are spread, and you are told to push, your screaming too graphic for even Cael's ears. He grimaces, wishing nothing more than for you to finish, and no one notices as a maid slips in with water prepared for you, pressing it to your lips with an uncanny amount of panic in her eyes as you swallow, eyes murky and your head spinning. Cael senses something is wrong, grabbing the maid's arm as she tries to slip out with the water, eyes harsh as he tells her anyone who enters may not leave. You push for longer, what seems like hours, and the baby finally arrives.

Then, the world falls silent.

You go quiet, assumed to have passed out, and the next three seconds are awful.

The midwife pats the baby's back. Nothing.

The king presses two fingers to your nose. Nothing.

A maid presses her ear to your heart. Nothing.

and Cael's jaw hardens as his grip around the maid's wrist tightens, nails drawing blood as a bruise forms on her skin and she thrashes in his grip. She screams and wails for him to let go, and Cael stares right past her eyes into her soul, an unbelievable amount of anger present on his face as he looks at the king for permission to draw blood. You are gone. Your son is a stillborn. He can not take orders from anyone except for the king. Perhaps it is a lingering sense of loyalty, but as the king nods, he draws his blade and kills.

He can not bring you back no matter how many times he stabs the maid. You are gone.

So, even as his uniform is bloodied and the king commands for him to stop, he does not, sanity long gone as you had been. He steps up to the stillborn still in the arms of the midwife, pulling off his gloves to brush his finger over the cheek of your child, his roughened hands jagged against the cheek of your baby, a frown so thoroughly embedded on his face that he fears it would burn his soul.

He then steps to your body, lowering himself onto one knee as he takes your hand and presses it to his forehead, his eyes closed as his heart clenches and organs sour. You are gone.

"Knight Cael." The king speaks up, eerily calm for some reason. "You are hereby—"

In the distance, bells chime, and Cael stares at your fingers as it reminds him of something.

Oh. Right.

It meant time was up.

🕐.

The second time Cael serves you, he finds himself back in your room, and you pull up your nightgown to stare at the second tick on your upper thigh, the color of a fresh wound on your skin. Your eyes widen as you curse aloud, and Cael looks up at you, expression unchanging, but in some strange way, he is relieved that you are still alive and cursing. It simply means you are back. In a way, it calms him to see you look manic on your bed.

"I'm back." You croak. "Is it because I was killed?"

Cael has learned to ignore your mutterings. It does wonders for him, he believes. You are unbothered when you think he is simply not listening.

"Cael." You whimper. "What day is it?"

He tells you the date.

You curse, falling back into your blankets, eyes closed. Again. You are here again, and Cael has to watch you suffer through it again. You have to weave your way through high society and win the heart of the king again. You groan at the thought, but you possess the knowledge of a past life to aid you this time.

The king falls for you earlier this time. He cherishes you even more than the past, and Cael watches as you are adorned with gems that the you in your past life thought yourself to be undeserving of. He watches as you adorn a ring with a gem twice the size of the one in your past, and watches as you celebrate a wedding far grander than he's ever seen before. You accept that this is what you have to do in order to reach the end, and this time, Cael makes sure not to let anyone into the room, and you deliver the baby safely. Both you and the child live this time. Cael lets out a sigh in relief when you smile at him, beckoning him over when the maids finish washing the baby and the king goes to fetch his kingdom papers.

"Isn't he cute?" You mumble, eyes gentle as you stare at the child. "I didn't get to meet him last time."

Cael nods, pulling his clean glove off to press the baby's palm, the young one's fingers wrapping around his as he smiles. "He resembles you."

"You can barely tell." You huff. "He's so young."

The child grows up slowly but loved by all. The maids and royals spoil him rotten, and Cael brings the young prince around to tour the palace. Everything goes well. Everything goes so well. It is almost as if the two of you will reach an end. It does not need to be with Cael. It simply needs to end, and the two of you will return to the dust of the earth, and your consciousness will stop looping. That is all Cael asks for. He may repeat it again and again, but in order to put you out of your misery, you would have to fulfill your planned end.

You do not.

The second time Cael serves you, you die to the blade of a loved one.

You watch as the conquering army fights with the royal army at the border, and Cael watches from next to you as the king is stabbed through the heart. You blink lifelessly as your husband falls, and you turn to Cael. Perhaps this isn't your end either. Cael asks if you would like for him to eliminate them all, but you know this is not the right ending. You were never meant to marry the king nor bear a child for him. So, you watch as the palace gates are broken through and the maids scream for mercy.

Cael presses a brick on the wall, and you follow him into the walls of the castle.

There is only one person who would be able to find you here.

The two of you make way down the passage of stairs, and you stop halfway to ditch the heels you had forced yourself to grow used to. Cael watches as you step after him, heels ditched on the stairs, descending into the lower grounds of the castle, a place where they rested the prisons. Perhaps it was not safe, but to you, anything was better than dying at the hands of the man in power during the rebellion. Though, you are not granted that mercy when you reach the bottom of the staircase.

Cael's hand rests on the hilt of his sword, ready to draw blood at any chance, and the leader of the rebellion looks up at you, eyes cold. You back down at him, eyes weary as he orders you to confess to the sins you do not have. Cael is offered a way out, but he has sworn his life to you, so he follows when you are captured and dragged to the dungeons to be publically executed. You do not know how this happened. You simply sit in the dungeon, waiting for your moment. Cael sits in the same cell, head resting against the wall as the guards who feed him each day practically shove the food down his throat.

Then, the day of your execution comes. He is paraded out after you, and he stands behind you as you confess to no crime. You are a clean slate. The flaws of the noblemen were pushed onto you to frame you as a scapegoat and as you are lowered to the guillotine and asked if you have any last words, you stare your son dead in the eye as you curse him to an eternal damnation, cursing that there would be no future with him. You curse him to live in a world in which he is forever to haunt the walls of the palace and never be born.

Cael knows what look you have in your eyes.

You are beheaded, and your head is tossed into a basket. Cael is lowered by the hair to the same guillotine, his eyes staring into your closed ones in the basket as he is asked if he too has any final words. Cael stares your son in the eye and then closes his eyes, only remarking the shame that he decided to believe his friends over the ones of the very one who brought him into the world. Your son curses him for being your loyal dog, and Cael refutes by smiling and mentioning that at least you had been faithful to him to the very end rather than pin the blame on him.

The sound of the blade cutting through the air is not the last thing Cael hears.

It is the sound of distant bells.

Time's up.

🕑.

The third time you regress, Cael watches as you lock yourself in your room for days on end.

Your son killed you. The very child you had birthed and raised with the most love in the world had killed you. You died while your son sneered at you in contempt because he believed you were the reason his expedition to the north had failed, so he decided to dethrone you. It is inhumane of him, and it tore you to shreds, Cael finds. He brings you your food— the only one bold enough to ignore you as you throw vases and pillows at him, and he brings the food to your lips, promising you that it will be fine.

You emerge from your room two months later.

By that time, there are more than enough rumors circulating about your descent into madness, but you pay them no mind. You finish the paperwork for your residence, and get back on with your life, grumbling as you make your very late debut into high society. Cael follows you around as you finish your tasks, and he escorts you down the stairs at your ballroom fitting for only the best of the best.

It is there that you catch the eye of the crown prince.

So, Cael stands by your side and you greet and smile at the prince. Surely if the king was the wrong choice, then the crown prince was the right option. Your son had betrayed you for him, after all. You accept the crown prince as your first dance, and from then on, Cael watches the same thing happen in the past. You get engaged, get married, and settle into a calm day-to-day life that is supposed to go on uninterrupted.

This is the end, Cael believes.

You are finished.

But that is never the case.

The crown prince lets you know one night in bed that he wishes to take over the kingdom, and you watch as he recruits the crown prince, and you watch as the royal palace you once resided in is reduced to nothing but dust. You watch as the queen is beheaded before your eyes, and Cael covers your vision, watching as you grab your own neck unconsciously. The sound of the blade slicing their heads off cleanly, and you grimace, reaching for Cael's hand as their heads are spiked and displayed in the center of the city.

The crown prince becomes the king, and the previous king's child is disposed of after the new king rises to power. You watch as the queen's child is killed in cold blood, and you wonder if that was the fate of yours. Instead, you listen to your husband's requests, the blood spilled during the revolution staining his hands as he presses them on your skin, and with each time he kisses you, you are reminded of the screams of the innocent as he burned down their villages.

Yet, you stay with him.

You do not know what makes you stay with him. Cael does not understand why you stay with your husband, but neither of you speaks up. So, even when Cael is ordered to relocate away from you, the two of you simply turn to the king and disagree. You voice your disagreement, and the king raises his brow at you incredulously, scoffing. He tells you that he was looking for a reason to replace you with a foreign princess anyway to solidify his position, and this was the perfect excuse. Is there any in the land who was so bold as to speak up against the king? Suddenly, everything makes sense. This man had been looking for an excuse to get rid of you, but because of your lack of flaws, he was unable to grant himself the divorce he wanted so badly.

"I will leave." You sigh. "We may get divorced at the temple."

Rather, the king draws his sword and stabs through your chest, and you cough out blood, red staining your lips and his sword as Cael catches your dead body before you can fall. You hiss out a curse at the new king and an order for him to die, and Cael lets your body to the ground slowly, stepping over it as he draws his sword. Your orders are absolute, and if he would die executing them, then so be it. He has no will to fulfill other than the will of his master. You are dead now, so even if he were to die carrying out your final will, he would simply meet in your next regression.

Cael stabs his sword through your ex-husband, and he watches as the king falls with tears in his eyes at the sight of your corpse, his throat punctured so only the sound of a whisper breaks past his lips. Cael watches as he crawls on the ground as though he were some maggot, trying to reach for you, and it makes Cael sick to his stomach. You deserve someone. You deserve someone who would not die before you, give you a son who kills you, or kills you because he is unable to handle the throne perfectly. You do not deserve all of this. The king dies next to you, and as the guards rush in to point their swords at Cael, bells sound in the distance.

Time's up.

🕒.

The fourth time you regress, you wake up and stare at the fourth tick on your skin, and you tell Cael that you're going to plan a rebellion.

Cael does not refute you. After all, if marrying neither sovereign of the nation was not the correct route, then surely putting yourself on the throne was the right. So, he works closely with you as you conspire with the crown prince, acting as an aide and watching the world burn to the ground. You take the lives of all of your past lovers and theirs, and you sit on a throne stained with the blood of your past lives and theirs. You are where you are supposed to be. You want to believe that you are where you are supposed to be. It makes you crinkle and crack, but you want it to be over.

It is not.

You are worked to no end with no real allies as a result of how you disposed of those who would dispose of you, and it is you alone in a palace that is far too large for you. Cael takes over the royal guards, and he lingers by you only when he is not training the others, but it is not enough. You do not have allies in an empty palace far too large for two, and it eats away at you slowly because of a lack of people. It is lonely. You are lonely. You have finally killed the ones who have ruined your life, but you are not free.

Cael watches you as you welcome the magic tower's embassies.

They are welcomed to a tea room, and you sit down with the embassies as they tell you the purpose of their visit. It is marriage. The empty seat of the king consort next to you is empty, and in order to stabilize the kingdom, you would need an heir. It gives you a headache, Cael can tell. He finishes with your tea, and you take it from him with a frown, sighing.

"Well, who do you suppose should be my husband?"

They recommend one of the tower mages. It would be beneficial for the child to possess magic abilities, and you meet them, the mage smiling at you gently. He is sweet, Cael finds. You are treated like glass and porcelain and spoiled to the ends of the earth, and for a second, Cael thinks you will be fine this timeline. You will not die like the previous times. You will get to live a long and healthy life with a doting husband, and the kingdom will slowly revitalize itself. That is all Cael asks for. No more marks on your skin, no more tallies on your thigh, no more cycles for the both of you.

You get married after establishing your new husband's status, and the nation cheers at the celebration, newspapers flying out and selling out about it, and you bear an heir, a young boy for the throne. You live a long and happy life with your husband. Cael watches as you age and your son ages, and he watches as you send people off before your son is by your bedside and on the throne. He possesses magical abilities that could only be borne to parents who both have the ability to create, and it amazes Cael when the young prince lights up the empty palace walls with a simple flick of his fingers.

Perhaps you know how to do magic. After all, you had never been taught or learned how to.

"Do you think you could break my curse?" You squeeze your son's hand while at tea, humming.

"I could not." Your son whispers. "It is a curse that we have examined and found it is too hard to break. It would need to be someone like the first archmage."

"Then will I be cursed to live like this forever? Is there really no ending for me in sight?" You mumble. Cael helps the two of you pour more tea, and your son shakes his head.

"I can not. I am sorry." He pauses. "In your next life, perhaps seek out the archmage instead of father. That might be of help."

"I see." You mutter. "Thank you for being born my son."

"Thank you for loving me." Your son squeezes your hand affectionately.

You are sent off with people who love you. The mages live longer than humans, and even upon your dying breath, your husband presses his forehead to your fingers, muttering gentle spells to keep the pain from getting too close to your heart. You die of age— something Cael now sees as a luxury for you. So, he sits by your bedside with the rest of your family, heart clenching in his chest as you thank him for his service. He does not have long either. He will be following you shortly after, but you do not know that. But for the time being, he kneels by the side of your bed.

You run your hand through his hair one last time, and he leans into your touch one last time.

He can not covet the things he does not own. It is not for his owning. You are not something that could be coveted by a mere knight like him. He is the object coveted and owned by you. To you, he is nothing more than a mere tool and perhaps a dear knight. To him, even on your deathbed, he is below you on his knees, resting his head on the edge of the plush in order for you to be affectionate with him one last time. That is all he craves, and that is all he knows. He will never be the one you pick, simply because he does not have the knowledge to break your curse as the others do.

You close your eyes as he stands up, and he closes his eyes with you. "I will see you back in your room, master."

A maid is sent out to announce the death of the queen, and in the distance, the same bells as before chime.

Time's up.

🕓.

The fifth time you regress, you head straight for the magic tower.

Though you are clumsy and unlearned, they let you in simply for the magic affinity you have accumulated through your many deaths. You take in the words of your son whom you will never meet again, and you pass the entrance exam when they discover your magical ability is beyond comprehension. Even if you are not an immediate mage, you will be a subject of study. Cael enters after you, leaving behind his sword and title of Lord, fingers cool against the orb as it proclaims him to share the same amount of magical ability.

"I did not know you had magical properties." Your lips quirk up slightly at the same color.

"Wherever the master goes, I will go." He mumbles, nodding at the mage. "It is my duty as your knight to protect you."

"Which includes secretly hiding an insane amount of magical ability from me?"

"It never arose in our conversations." Cael smiles. "Let us go."

You study hard, working closely with the higher-ranking mages to crack the situation of your curse. It is observed and studied, but ultimately, nothing comes up in the magical index. You read through some of the books on it in your free time, but the vast majority of your days are taken up by fleshing out your research and doing studies. Cael has more free time, fingers flipping through the books as he looks for the content of your supposed curse.

Perhaps it was a blessing, but it is not his place to say.

If his master believes it is a curse, then it is a curse.

Then, under Cael's radar, you find yourself grow closer and closer to the archmage, somehow breaking past his rude facade. Cael does not ask if you did it purely for survival reasons or for personal gain, but he is happy for you. You will be cursed to repeat the cycle again after the two of you pass, and it does not hurt for you to continue finding romance and loving people. It is simply the truest way you live— loving others and being loved back.

Love is a luxury for the both of you. You both know that.

So, as you spend your days with the archmage and Cael finds himself further and further away, he worries about your safety at times. You may be strong and consistently have a magic lining that prevents you from being stabbed, but it is still worrying. So, he moves all of his books to your shared room, flipping through them and completely tuning you out when you're making out with that archmage of yours.

At one point, Cael realizes that whatever circle has been drawn on you is not a curse.

So, he changes sections to blessings, something that would have been revered as the ultimate gift of the universe. You are immortal and able to live again and again. It is a cruel cycle, but it is immortality in a sense. Cael flips through the pages of the book as he leaves you be, confident that the archmage would be able to protect you when he is not there.

He narrows it down to the last books in the archive, and he has tea with you, another mage pouring the tea for the three of you. Cael feels there is something off about the maid, but he doesn't speak up. There is no need to worry over trivial things. You are not the archmage nor someone who is desired to be disposed of. It could have been simple jealousy.

He supposes it's both of you's fault for forgetting how jealous women could end up.

You press the tea to your lips, listening to Cael as he tells you the details of what he's discovered about your curse so far. You press the tea to your lips, sensing something about is off, so you put away with drinking it. You listen to Cael as he tells you it's a blessing rather than a curse, and perhaps the only way to undo it was to undo the blessing itself.

"I see." You pause. "So it is a blessing?"

"According to earlier works." Cael hums, tea pressed to his lips. "...what a waste of good tea."

"I know, right? Well, did you figure out which book has it? I'll just steal it in my next life."

"You're letting yourself die to the poison?"

"I will, after you call for the archmage."

Cael gets up to call for him, mentioning that you were the one looking for him, and the archmage steps into the tearoom, lips pressed to your cheek as you take a sip of the poisoned tea, spitting out blood and dying in his arms dramatically. The scene amuses Cael, his lips curled upward in amusement, and he watches as the archmage directs his anger of your death onto Cael, and the silver-haired man holds both of his hands up, pointing at the maid who had been trying to run away, unable to unlock the spell put on the doors by Cael.

He watches as the archmage kills her on the spot, blinking twice and then laughing.

In the distance, bells chime as the archmage reaches for Cael's neck.

Time's up.

🕔.

The first thing you say when the two of you return to your bedroom on the sixth time you regress should be confusing to Cael, but it makes him laugh more than anything.

"Damn. I really wish I got to see him go ballistic."

Cael laughs. It is a laughter that breaks past his chest into his stomach, his whole body shaking as he tries his best not to make a sound that would make him come off as suspicious. Instead, you raise a brow at Cael in amusement, lips curled upwards as you laugh with him, something in your eyes telling him that you knew. Neither of you addresses it, but you both know. It is funny to no extent, but it is hysterical for the both of you. There is an endless cycle in the world, and the two of you are cursed to live it forever.

You do not bother going to the magic tower. Instead, you simply steal the book Cael was reading and read through it instead. You will return it when you finish it, you swear. In this life, you do not pick, you wait. Romance is not a necessity to you anymore it is not your problem, you swear. So, even as you lock yourself in your room with Cael to try and trace the magic circle back, try to undo the curse that has been placed on you in your day-to-day life, it is impossible.

Then, a marriage proposal makes way to your door.

You are to be wed to a minor duke in order to strengthen their status in high society, and you look at it, really wondering if you should be getting married when all you were doing in your day-to-day life was fighting for your life and trying to remove the seal from your skin. Cael helps you, his magic affinity visibly larger than yours, his magic carving into the spell as the two of you try to undo it before your supposed prospective marriage partner arrives at the mansion. His magic is cool against your skin, now that you think about it.

"Madam? The junior duke has arrived." A maid knocks at the door.

Cael helps you up, and you greet the man.

"You are the one to be engaged with me?"

"Yes. I believe." You hum. "What made you decide upon my house of all?"

"You are... alone." He swallows. "Perhaps you need protection, though your knight is a grandmaster."

"From?"

"The other nobles."

It is a poor excuse to marry into your house to covet your wealth, Cael finds. You hold the wealth of two of the richest families in the kingdom, so it would be normal to want to marry you for such, but you are not stupid. You smile coyly, pretending to frown. There is no one in the nation that could be wiser than you. Perhaps that is what makes Cael's heart twist and turn with some twisted sort of wanting. He is the only one who has gone through everything with you— whether it be through your death or your suicide. Perhaps that is what makes him think the nobleman is not enough for you.

Yet, you accept it anyway, curious to see if his household's history could help with your curse.

Your wedding is comparably plain to the man from your previous life, and you spend your days in the new library, flipping through old books with Cael as the two of you sit at the tables and ladders, still minimal knowledge known about the curse. The maids whisper about your infidelity with Cael as he glares them down, but your husband pays them no mind. You find that it is much quieter than it has ever been. Considering your husband's status as second-born, you do not need to do things that a typical duchess would need to.

Yet, both you and Cael know the story that is to come.

"My older brother died." Your husband tells you. You blink at him and nod, attending the funeral as both you and Cael find that it was a poisoning. The human mind is greedy, the two of you suppose.

"Are you going to divorce me for the woman at the reception?"

"You've been having an affair with your knight for years and I have turned an eye. I shall simply bring her in as a mistress."

"There will be a divorce or no mistress." You speak. "Pick."

"Then her." He clenches his teeth. "Had I known you were to be this selfish, I would have not married you."

"You only married me for my wealth." You turn to leave, and Cael steps forward as your husband tries to pierce a sword through your body. His sword goes flying as Cael saves you in time, the magic spell on your body activating at the action.

"Witch!" Your husband screams.

"You know, Cael." You pause to think. "I kind of want to burn the mansion down."

"Whatever my master wants," Cael turns around to kneel, "master gets."

The mansion erupts into flames as your husband screams, the maids rushing out with what they could in the chaos, and you watch as the flame starts burning your skin.

"You should go." You mumble. "Go live."

"I can not." Cael whispers, smoke filling his lungs as the two of you lay down in the ashes of the mansion. "For wherever you go, I will go. Wherever you dwell, I will dwell. I am yours to use and to keep. Without you, there is no me."

"So you follow me back each time I pass?"

Cael wraps an arm around you as you use the last of your strength to curl next to him.

"I'll see you in my room."

"I will meet you there, master."

In the distance, merged with the roaring flames, the same bells as always chime.

Time's up. For both of you, this time.

🕕.

The seventh time you regress, Cael is leaning over you, his hands caging you into the frame of your bed, hair falling off his shoulders as he stares down at you. You blink back up at him, waiting for someone to say something. This is new. Usually, when you return, Cael is at your door staring at you. He stares down at you, and neither of you move for the silence that haunts the two of you.

"So?" You raise a brow. "What is the meaning of this?"

"I was going to see if you would hit me." Cael sits back up, getting off of you. "What will you be doing this life?"

"Do you think I could just rot in bed for the rest of my life?" You yawn. "Do nothing."

"You could try something new."

"Like living as a commoner..." You pause. "First world problem."

"Yes." Cael hums. "That would be a little... inappropriate."

"Yes." You pause. "Perhaps I could just not pursue romance."

"You know that will not happen." Cael pauses. "Perhaps a new man?"

"Perhaps my old husband." You close your eyes. "I miss my son."

You do not find your old husband. You find a friend, heart ringing in your ears as you smile at her, the two of you running around the field of grass as Cael watches over you. The sun burns in her eyes as you take her hand in yours, the wind in your hair as you press your forehead to hers. She is as dazzling as the stars in the sky could dream to be, and the world is as sweet as divine nectar when you are with her. The world bends and cries according to her will, and you find that you are no different than the other people who love her.

Cael cooks dinner for the two of you in your friend's home, kitchen utensils clattering as he uses his magic to manage everything at once. The two of you stay hushed up and whisper stories to each other under the stars, and the three of you have dinner together in your friend's little room. There is not much told to you about your new friend. You know she is sweet and gentle like the bumblebees are with the flowers, loving like the grass and morning dew, free like the birds are in the air. She is everything that you once wanted to be, and her existence meant the world to you.

Cael sees that you see a fragment of yourself that you've lost over your lives in her.

"What would you do if you could do anything?" You whisper to her in your shared room, the stars twinkling outside as Cael leans against the door on the other side.

"You're funny." Your friend laughs. "I would spend every moment of my life pressing my fingers onto your skin and loving you until there is nothing left."

"Really?" You mumble.

"You?"

"I would..." You drift off, and Cael knows you have closed your eyes to avoid your friend's. "I... I don't know. Perhaps I would spend every moment of my life as your best friend."

Your friend laughs, music to your ears, and you smile at her foolishly.

"The moon is gorgeous."

"It sure is." You hum.

You are not allowed to have good things. Cael watches as your friend wakes up one day coughing blood out of her lungs, and as a doctor is called in, Cael watches as your heart breaks and your eyes go wide. You are the fault. You are causing her decline in life because of your magic affinity. You are destroying her and eating her alive. You, her best friend, her soulmate, are eating her alive. You are destroying the very thing you love because you love it.

"I'm sorry." Your voice cracks, terrified of stepping close to her. You stand at the door, head hung as she sits in bed.

"It's alright. Please—"

"I can't." You mumble. "I won't let myself."

"I am fine." Your friend insists. "I would rather spend the last of my days being with you than letting the guilt of eating me inside out destroy you. If it is you, then I would be more than willing to pass out of love."

You step closer to her, kneeling on the ground as you lean into her touch.

"Besides, I find this ending to be much better than being recollected by the family who had abandoned me to be married off for connections." She laughs, lips curled upwards.

"Do you think I could find you in my next life?" You close your eyes. "Are we soulmates in every life like this?"

"We are not even soulmates in this one." She whispers. "You may not see it, but your soulmate is not me."

"Then I shall make it you." You close your eyes. "I shall claw my way past fate and destroy the books and tear the quill that decides our fates and carve our names in the book of life."

"That is not possible." Your friend laughs, illness visible in the way she is thinning. "Perhaps we will meet again in your next life. Do not bear the guilt of destroying me because you loved me. It is a beautiful thing‚ to be loved."

"It is a terrible thing, to destroy the one whom you love." You whisper, taking her hand as you help her settle into the pillows. "I will not subject you to such a death in your next life."

"I pray that we will meet again. Whether it is in a fleeting moment or a long escape into the field, I pray that we will love as genuinely as this again."

She closes her eyes.

Cael plans the funeral. You are too struck with grief to do anything, and he borrows your name to help bury your friend in the same field of flowers the two of you ran through. The two of you bury her in a field of flowers, your shoulders shaking from the intensity of your tears, heartbreak everywhere on your skin as you come to terms with the loss of your soulmate, your soulmate whom the world had been so cruel as to tear from your fingers and bury her in the same earth that everyone was borne from. No amount of magic could have saved her, you know. Yet, you blame yourself anyway, the guilt of everything clawing at your skin and destroying you. it is a cycle that Cael recognizes from your first two regressions.

"Bury me with her." You growl, lunging for her coffin as it is lowered into the ground, and Cael holds you back, his own heart twisting painfully in his chest. "LET ME GO. I COMMAND YOU, LET ME BE BURIED WITH HER! I WANT MY SOULMATE BACK—"

Cael releases you, and you continue to thrash in his grasp as you sob into the earth by her grave, the two of you sitting there until you catch a cold and are forced to return to her home. You have a raging fever, the lack of will to live eating you alive, and Cael nurses you slowly and patiently, concern trickling out of his skin with each bite of congee you eat, and you whimper, heartbroken as you sit up in her bed and stare out the window.

"I wish to return." You mumble. "Cael, kill me."

Cael's fingers twitch. He can not disobey you, but he can not obey you either. He does not want to obey you. Yet, bound by his oath, he draws his sword. He stares into your eyes. You weep for someone who had become so significant in your life in such little time. You did not weep for your first nor second nor any of the lovers you have had in the past, yet you weep for the girl who had been your soulmate. Cael was not your soulmate. It did not matter what he felt for you. At the end of the day, you are not his as he is yours.

"Please do not do this to me." He whispers, voice breaking.

"Kill me. Now." You whisper.

"How would you like it?"

"Kill me the same way my soulmate died." You hiss out. "Curse me until this wretched body of mine is worth nothing but dust just like hers."

Cael lets out a breath, dropping his sword as he laces his fingers with yours.

As you turn thinner and thinner, as his magic eats away yours the same way you ate away your soulmate's, he understands why you were so struck with grief.

"I love you." He croaks, watching as you close your eyes.

In the distance, the same wretched bells that have rung every single one of your deaths clang.

Time is up.

🕖.

Cael slumps against the wall as the two of you return for the eighth time. He sits on the ground, and you lay in your bed, and there is a heavy silence that hangs in the air. Nothing is worth anything. Everything is worth nothing. Cael had killed his master per your orders, and you had killed yourself for the love of your life. The two of you do not know what to do.

"Knight." You speak up first, voice filled with a lack of spirit that Cael had found terrifying.

"Yes, master?"

"Bed me."

Cael pauses, blinking at you, unsure if he had heard you correctly.

"Do not make me repeat it twice." You hiss out. "Bed me."

"Perhaps you have gone insane." He unclasps the sword from his belt, wedging it between the boards as he climbs on top of you. "Master. Why would you ask a mere knight as I to bed you?"

"Bed me." You hiss. "Make me forget that I am stuck in a wretched cycle and cursed to destroy everything I love. Carve your fingers into my skin so that I may remember that in this world there is only you and I and no other. I am not to fall for anyone else. Even when I do, there is no ending."

"Is that not cruel to your servant? You do not love even me."

"You are my knight. You are mine to use." You swallow thickly. You do not believe your own words, but Cael does not pry. So, he lifts you into his arms, fingers gentle as he unbuttons your nightgown, fingers cold against your back, helping you slide out of it as he rests his head in the crook of your neck for a moment.

"What may I do?"

"Whatever you must do to make me forget." You lift your hips, and he unbuttons his top, swallowing slowly as he slides his hand up your thigh, tapping twice. You watch as he swallows thickly, his fingers tugging at the waistband of your panties, dropping them on top of your ditched nightgown. You stretch as your now exposed bottom half brushes him slightly, and he freezes in place, eyes focused on your pelvis as he closes his eyes to get rid of the discomfort. His feelings. He has to put his feelings aside. It does not matter. His feelings must be put aside. You are his master, and his only job is to serve you to his uttermost.

So, he lifts your leg, pressing a kiss to your ankle as he pulls your hips to meet his, his fingers, brushing your clit to test the waters, resting your calf on his shoulder as he slides a finger in, curling it slightly as you arch your back. His fingers make a mess of you, one finger becoming two, his heart racing in his chest as you whimper and dig your nails into the sheets. It is not enough, Cael knows, but it is also only the beginning. His skin would paint every cell of your body with his, taint your purity with some twisted impurity that belonged to him. Until his darkness would swallow your light whole, there would be nothing left.

And even when your head is relaxed to the side and he has prepared you for him, he longs for nothing short of the entirety of you. He longs for himself to be engulfed in your light, until the darkness that was tainting your soul was completely absorbed by him, until there is nothing left of your curse but fragments of memories that you would get to take to your grave. He longs for you to become a star in the sky as you have always dreamed, as you had told your stargazing husband so many lives ago.

Cael will forever be a knight to you. So, even when he is buried to the hilt inside of you, his size too big for you as you whimper for him to halt, even when he brushes your hair to the side and presses a kiss to your skin, he is simply a knight to you. He is a servant who will serve you until his dying breath, a breath that will never come simply because of his existence. Through his sword, his life was in your hands, his skin engrained with your name, and if his master wished to return to the dust of the earth, then so be it.

He will forever be a knight, but even with the sight of you blissed out at his antics underneath him, he loves you. His heart burns and bursts and rots for yours, his soul flickering and engulfing everything that comes his way except for you. To him, you are everything at once, the only reason for him to be of worth. You are the one who has given him a purpose, and he is in love with you foolishly and stupidly, but it is not something that can be reciprocated. You do not love him back. You call others your soulmate and your husband, but never him. To you, he is just a knight for your use.

"I love you." He croaks, desperation and longing staining your skin alongside his fingers, his nails digging into the plush of your waist as your head is thrown back in ecstasy, head muddled in the clouds at your servant's antics. You can not hear him, but it does not stop him as he continues thrusting into you, a mess of bodily fluids sullying the sheets, his nails digging into your skin as his hair slides off his shoulders on one side from his movements. His movements become agitated as you clench around him for the nth time, eyes rolling so far back your skull that perhaps someone fears that your eyes will get stuck. Yet, he makes no means to stop, not until you are crying his name and begging him to stop.

Your nails move to his forearms at some point, and his eyes roll back as you tighten around him like a vice, grip strong as his name falls off your lips in broken syllables, begging him for another release, and who was he to deny you?

At some point, the sun sets, and you are fast asleep, your exhaustion engrained in the silk of your sheets, and Cael wipes you down with a rag from the maids, the servants unsurprised at your antics. He forgets how much you had used him in your first life. Though, that remains to be a past that he would not touch upon. You still did not love him, so he supposes there has not been much of a change.

"Cael?" You mumble, shifting as he wipes your face.

"Yes, master?"

"Water." You mumble, and Cael lifts you to have you drink, and you press your lips to the cup, puffy from Cael's own. "Thank you."

You rest up again, and Cael finds you dead in the morning when he wakes up, your breathing gone.

It was not a poison nor a murder— it was simply that your body had given up in bliss.

In the distance, Cael thinks the chimes sound like wedding bells.

Though, time is up once more.

🕗.

The ninth time you regress, you tell Cael to stay put.

"We shall separate this time." You speak.

Cael listens, sending you off in the dead of the night as he returns to the magic tower to continue his reading. The archmage is weary of his magical abilities, but he makes no move, his fingers flipping through the pages as he does his research at the same time, sending you letters with his magic. You do not write back, but he knows you receive them. Perhaps you are with your soulmate again. It is not his worry. His master had commanded him to leave, so he did.

Your curse is engraved in the forbidden archives of the magic tower. He is granted permission after his research reaches a point, and the archmage hands him the key to further his research. Cael spends his days sitting in there, reading through a man's diary— a man who bore the same curse as you did. He flips to the final page, and the indication of the man's death makes Cael pause. Nothing had changed. Rather, the mage had mentioned unsealing the curse through many lifetimes, before eventually passing away of old age. The indication of no other books meant that this man was back to dust.

Cael studies the magic left behind, trying on objects, watching as everyday objects created to not break down broke down. To reverse a blessing meant to create a curse to counter it, Cael finds.

It is intriguing.

It would take a while, and it had taken the mage hundreds of regressions to figure out both the spell and the execution, but Cael would not let that happen. You will pass in next next handful of lives, he promises you that much. So, he engrains the contents of the book in his mind, requesting to be let out of the magic tower so that he may find you. You are still his master, after all. You had told him to separate from you, but not to leave you forever. The archmage grants him that much, and Cael sets way to find you.

You are in a forest.

The evergreen trees surround your little cottage, a small flame burning inside at your fireplace while you have left to forage for the day's food. Cael is glad he has at least found you, standing outside your door as he waits for your return. Even if he had to wait an eternity, he could afford it. So, he continues flipping through the book he has replicated, only pausing when the sound of footsteps echoes in the wind into his ears.

"Cael." You stop. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to test out a hypothesis." He smiles. "To let you return to dust."

"Is it really that easy?" You laugh, opening the door to let him in. "Shall we have dinner together?"

He nods, unclasping his robe as he steps next to you to help with the food. You do not use magic while he does, and he helps you cut while you manage the heat of the flame, and neither of you speak. It can wait. There is no need to exchange words in such a hurry when you are so close. Whether it be in this reincarnation or the next, Cael would stand next to you. He has stood next to you for the past eight, after all.

"Do you still remember your first life?"

"Before my regression?" You hand Cael a peeled potato.

"Yes." Cael hums, magic working as it peels itself. "Before any of this."

You pause, staring down at the rest of the potatoes you need to wash. "...yes."

"We used to cook like this." Cael hums, having you sit down as he finishes with the rest of the veggies. "And the maids would yell at you for tainting your gentle hands, but we still snuck out in the middle of the night to do it anyway."

You hum slowly. "I suppose so."

"Did you enjoy that life?"

"I did not." You mumble. "It was a life where I was raised for the sole purpose of being somebody's bride, only to not be proposed to at all because of the cruel rumors the maids spread."

Cael hums, putting the lid on the pot and setting a spell on the pot to alert him when it is finished.

"I quite enjoyed it." He smiles. "I have enjoyed every life I have spent next to you. I believe that is the word."

"You've changed quite a bit." You hum, tapping the table as you rest your cheek in your palm. "You have grown much more emotional."

"Is that such a bad thing?"

You pause. "No. It is quite... interesting. I am glad you have been beside me for all of these lives."

"Do you miss the children you once had?"

"Sometimes." You pause. "But it is quite alright. After all, one had killed me, and the other had wished for nothing but my own wishes. I do not miss anyone else."

"Not even Naledi?"

You freeze at the name of your best friend, grimacing. "I watch her in the fields."

"I noticed you live close to there." Cael nods, pulling out the utensils from the cabinets, handing a set to you. "Is she faring well?"

"Very much so." You hum. "Though, she had moved away a while ago. She has married, I suppose."

"Was it a carriage that came?"

"It was the crest of the magic symbol."

"Ah." Cael pauses. "Perhaps it was..." Cael does not want to finish the sentence.

"I am aware, that my ex-husband has married her. Though, I cannot call him that in this life." You hum. "You?"

"I have buried myself in the archives. The forbidden ones, to be exact. I have found your curse."

"Will undoing mine undo yours?"

"It does not matter." Cael shakes his head. "As your servant, my only job is to grant your wills."

"I see." You look up at the pot as the magic sparks. "Do you cook in the tower?"

"We have a chef." Cael unlids the pot, and he flicks his finger at your bowl, the ceramic floating up as he fills it with the soup. "Have you been cooking?"

"Yes." You mumble. "It is rusty after so many eons of not cooking, but it is food."

"Perhaps you could hire me as a chef as well." He smiles. "Shall I undo the spell right now?"

"You're planning on killing us both this time, huh?" You frown at the soup.

"I am not. I simply must return to the tower by nightfall."

"Ah. I apologize for making you wait."

"It is normal for a servant to wait for their master, no?" Cael gets down on one knee next to you, taking your hand in his as he traces a small symbol on your skin. "Though, this means you will live a shorter and shorter life in each regression."

"That is fine." You whisper. "I can live for hundreds of years, after all."

"Very well." He completes the circle as it glows some wretched purple, and Cael stares up at you, setting sun in your hair as he smiles. "I shall see you back in your bedroom?"

"Will you not stay to eat?"

"The sun is setting." He presses his lips to the back of your hand. "Eat well, master."

You nod as he disappears, a gust of ice leaving with him.

Cael does not live long after that. He assumes you had made a mistake with one of your plants, and when he heads to his quarters for the night, he hears the chime of bells in the clouds.

Ah, his time is up once more.

🕘.

"Come on." You stick your hand out to Cael in your tenth regression. "The curse."

Cael listens, kneeling at the side of your bed, fingers gentle against your skin as he traces a different circle on your skin, glowing a dark purple as he stares up at you, sealing the magic with a gentle press of his lips to the back of your hand. "Anything else you require, master?"

"Since I am passing soon, I suppose I should do something I have not done before."

"How about becoming a knight?" Cael blurts, eyes widening at his own brashness. "Ah, my apologies. It is a hard—"

"Where do I sign up?" You pause. "No. Take me to your headquarters as grandmaster. I would like to try it."

"You will need training first, master."

"I have wielded a sword in my past life. Let me attempt." You barter.

Cael gives in, sending you to the door of the academy, heading to the principal himself. His return is easy, and he is returned his sword from his days on the battlefield, watching as you have to defeat the rest of the knights who have been training for eons to possibly enter the academy. He nods at his past comrades as he settles down next to them, and he listens to them speak on each one as he watches you.

You are clumsy, but your experience leading a revolution does not go unseen.

"She fights like someone who has seen war." One of Cael's coworkers leans in. "Is she the one who you were bought by?"

"Yes." Cael hums. "Her background is a little murky to even me, but I am surprised at her talent."

He is not. He has seen you kill people without hesitation in order to become queen of the kingdom, and he has seen you bash a man's skull in with a dulled axe. If there is a death out there, then you would bring even that to its knees. You look up at one point to wave at Cael, to which he only grants you a small smile.

You pass the examinations, body strong enough to handle only the minimum, but enough to handle it nonetheless.

You move through the ranks quickly, and Cael no longer gets to see you as often as before, busy with training his own group of students. He finds it is easier to form bonds this time around. His many lives have taught him to read people with eerie accuracy, but his many lives have also taught him how to feel something. He takes his students out on trips to train in the grass and gives time to relax. They are allowed to feel something rather than obey his every word. It angers some of the other generals, but it does not affect him. Perhaps this is what people with power get to live like.

His students are still the top in the academy, after all. Though, it would be a lie to say he does not miss you.

He finds that some of the students in your group are too busy flirting with you to focus properly. You swat them all down, and Cael finally gets to witness this in action, his lips curled upwards as he meets eyes with you while someone has you pinned against the walls. You do not want him to do anything, so he leans against the other wall quietly, watching as you turn the guy down.

"One chance. Come on. Do you really think you're still at top value after turning so many men down?" He sneers. "If you don't accept me—"

You kick him in his groin, knocking him to the ground as you step on his chest, staring down at you with a glare. "Say that again, you shitty piece of scum?!"

"You're not at top value—"

"Knights." Cael speaks up this time, looking at you and then at the guy underneath you. "Is something wrong?"

"She's hurting me!" The guy decides to play the victim, and you scoff.

"Cael—"

"Grandmaster." Cael corrects, nodding.

"Grandmaster Cael." You deadpan. "He damaged my honor by insulting my name, and I was simply paying him back."

"I was telling the truth! No man wants a woman as brash—"

"Do not speak out of turn." Cael waves his hand for you to take your foot off of the man's chest, and he watches as the man scrambles off. "It is a shame. I was willing to give him a chance to explain himself."

"Men like that only prey on me because they think I'm an easy target."

"How have you been?" Cael speaks up, watching as you dust off your uniform.

"It has been alright." You hum. "It is nice not to be treated and revered because of my status. But it is also a pain in the ass to be harassed by the men in my class."

"Would you like to join mine?"

"And get told that you go easy on me? No thank you."

"We will die in war this time around." Cael lowers his voice, glancing around. "You and I both know that."

"Yes, for the honor of the imperial palace, we will be sacrificed in war." You pause. "What if we win?"

"Then that will be something else." Cael pauses. "Then we will be left with no crown prince."

You purse your lips. "Right."

"We will see when we get there." Cael hums. "Good luck with training."

"There is not much in terms of luck." You sigh. "Thank you."

Just like your past lives, the rebellion takes place. Your unit and Cael's are sent to the frontlines, and Cael hands each child a silver tag with their name on it, hidden in the depths of their pockets to be used for identification. It is something he has lived to see once, and it is something that he will live to see a second time. He will lose people, and it will affect him this time.

Though, even in times of war, Cael finds that people tend to get bolder.

"General Cael..." A girl is pushed in front of him by her friends, and he raises a brow.

"Yes, knight?"

"It is a time of war... so I thought I would," She swallows, and Cael knows what comes next. "I like you. I've liked you for a long time."

"I cannot accept these feelings." Cael sighs. "I am far too old for you, and we are at a time of war. It would be cruel to accept them. You will find that they are fleeting emotions in the future."

"I know." She smiles. "There is a rumor that you have a crush on your master."

Cael freezes in place before shaking his head. "She does not love me."

"But you did not deny that you love her."

"Yes." Cael trails off. "Feelings are bound to bloom after spending so long together, after all."

The girl dies on the battlefield, and Cael creates a flower out of his magic, leaving it in place of her sword as he returns to the barracks for the night. The loss of his students is not easy, he learns. It had been different when he could not feel, but now that he is sitting in the very seat that his mentors had been in, he finds that the loss of one soul after the other is never easy.

You open the entrance to his tent as he is preparing to rest.

"Grandmaster." You whisper.

"Master." He mumbles back. "What brings you here?"

You ditch your jacket, straddling him on the edge of his bed as his hands stay by his side.

"Cael." You whisper. "Kiss me."

"That is hardly appropriate for me to do as a general, knight." Still, he makes no move to push you off of him.

"Tomorrow at dawn, the crown prince will ambush my camp." You whisper. "My general has evacuated the vast majority of the people, but I will be one of the knights to stay behind. I have located the quarters of my ex-husband, so you must kill him so that I may kill the crown prince tomorrow."

"We can not guarantee a win even with such."

"Once the leaders of the rebellion pass away, those who were on the fence will inevitably leave now that they have no morale." You whisper, slipping a folded paper. "This. This will be the plan. I have not run it by my general, but you are the general of this other camp. Please, Cael. I have no other but you."

"And if you pass?" He closes his eyes. "We can not guarantee anything if you die."

"I will not die. I have cast magic this time." You whisper.

Cael hums. "Very well. Good job."

"So, general? Can I get a small reward?"

Cael reaches up for your cheek, pressing his lips to yours briefly before letting go. "If we win, I can guarantee something better."

You grin at him, laughing as you disappear with the wind.

Cael's army sets out in the early hours of the morning, and Cael makes haste to simply kill your ex-husband, and he finds it appalling that the man in the tent is not your second, but your fourth. It makes his blood boil, and he scoffs. Your second husband had not killed you because he wanted to. He had killed you because your fourth husband had gained enough power to destroy anyone who fought him's life. So, for your past lives and for his peace of mind, he kills them both, blood staining his white gloves and clothes as he emerges from the tent, both of their severed heads in his hand.

The rest of his army clears and captures the camp, and a letter makes way to him as he reads of your success in killing the crown prince.

The war is won.

He returns to the king and accepts his second title as grandmaster, granted the land that he has received from the deceased duke. Perhaps he would have been scolded for killing instead of capturing, but it was disposed of. Cael watches as your general is honored as well, unconsciously looking into the crowd of soldiers to look for you. You are not there. Perhaps you had not wanted to see your first husband again, but it was not an issue. Wherever you go, he will find you.

He finds you underneath a tree, a pill in your hand as Cael emerges from the trees.

"Master." He kneels by your side, holding out his hand for the poison. "What brings you here all alone?"

"I was thinking of resetting." You hum.

"What about your prize?" Cael raises a brow.

"I can collect that in my bedroom."

"Then, at least grant me the honor of passing with you." He lodges the poison between his teeth and lips, leaning in as you press your lips to his. He bites down on the pill, poison sinking into your mouth as the two of you die kissing.

There are no bells for Cael this time around.

🕙.

In the eleventh regression, you find yourself spread open for Cael once more, tears in the corner of your eyes from overstimulation, lower stomach in knots as your eyes roll back in utter bliss. You are in heaven, you believe. You have won a war in your past life, killed the man who had ruined your life, and now you are coming undone on your knight's fingers as he draws another magic circle on your skin, lips pressed to your skin as you shake underneath him.

"Master," He whispers, humming. "won't you look at me?"

"You're like a spoiled dog." You gasp, arching your back as he curls his fingers in you.

"I promised you a reward." Cael hums. "You wanted it. I am simply fulfilling my master's orders."

You get your reward, skin crawling with goosebumps by the time he's done, a mess in your sheets as he lifts you up to place you in the bath. The maids stay outside of the bath as he washes you up, and your sheets are changed in the short time that you are in the warmth of your bath. Cael washes off after you leave, and he leaves the maids to change you as he sinks into the water, exhaling slowly. He is your knight to be used, and unless you order him to, he will not be your lover.

He dresses himself, stepping next to you as you stare out the window, some sick form of longing visible in his skin, snaking around his neck as it suffocates him, his eyes on the plush of your visible flesh, no better than the men in the streets. So, he tears his eyes from the warmth of your body, staring ahead as you wonder aloud what you should do in this life. You do not wish to be part of the rebellion again, but you do not wish to rot away either. You must accomplish something, anything.

"How about visiting the next empire over?"

You pause. "Can I start a war there?"

Cael would like to tell you no, but you have the beauty to, so he can not lie.

"I'm going to start a war in this life." You pull him down for a gentle kiss, his eyes going wide as you call for the maids to prepare for your journey. There was a banquet going on in the next empire over, and perhaps you could see Naledi again. So, you pack your bags as the two of you send note of your visit, and Cael watches as you are welcomed by the emperor himself, a smile on your lips as you greet him. He does not know if you were joking or not, but perhaps it is not worth it.

"Do not do it, master." Cael mumbles.

"I won't." You hum. "Maybe I should become a pirate."

You do not, and you spend the rest of the year in the empire, watching as your past kingdom falls to ruin, and you purchase a small home in this empire, only attending banquets with the same dress you had brought, never spending too much nor doing too much. You are waiting for someone. You are waiting for Naledi, Cael finds. Even now, you can not let go of her.

"Perhaps the next banquet," He prepares to escort you home, but you stay, eyes glued on the door as you meet the new emperor. The new empress walks in, and you let out a sigh of relief at the sight of Naledi.

The two of you greet them with a bow, and there is some form of closure you receive from seeing that Naledi is doing much better without you around. There is no way for her to know that it is you, but there is also no way for her to remember. You will bear the memories of your relationship forever, heart ringing in your ears as she leaves, your eyes never leaving her figure.

"Did you get it?"

"Let us return home." You smile. "We can find a new place to visit."

"How about the sea?"

"Sounds fun." You grin, the two of you packing your things and paying for the ship's ticket. It is supposed to take you to a new place, and though the world is a large place, there is a sense that it will be discovered soon. Though, perhaps not in this life. As Cael is holding onto you and covering you both in an orb of ice so that you may float, the rest of the ship goes under, and you cling onto Cael, laughing as you lean back into the ice, the magic forcing its way out of the water to say afloat on such a bad storm.

The two of you end up in a boat made of ice, and the two of you drift on the water.

"Which one of us will die of starvation first?"

"You." Cael leans back into the boat. "I can live without sustenance."

"You and your immortality." You grumble. "What will happen to you once I finally return to dust?"

"I shall continue serving your bloodline." He smiles. "And then when your soul returns, I will search for you."

"That's kind of sad, you know." You close your eyes. "You should go explore."

"And become immortal? Like a legend?" Cael holds his arms open as you snuggle close to him. You are losing body heat.

"Yeah. That way, if I ever return, I will know who you are."

"You do not even love me." Cael mumbles sadly.

"Not yet." You close your eyes. "See you in my bedroom.

The bells in the distance chime, and Cael stares out as his vision fades to white.

Time's up again.

🕚.

In your twelfth regression, you rot in bed for the first ten days.

"Is there anything else you would like to do?" Cael tilts his head at you as the curtains to your room are pulled open by the maids.

"No." You close your eyes. "I have already done so much."

Cael watches as the maid leaves, and he reaches for your hand, gesture practiced, carving another magic circle into the back of your hand. You let him, eyes closed as you rest in the warmth of your bed.

"You need to exercise, you know." He nags gently, eyes soft on your hand as he finishes, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand, then turning it around to kiss the palm. "Come on."

He dares to violate your personal space now. He should not have this leniency, but you offer it to him. He can only take it for granted. You have only one more cycle to live through. Perhaps he will wait a day or a thousand or centuries before he can see you again, but he would rather cherish every moment that he gets to spend with you. He is a spoiled dog, now that he looks at it.

"Master," He sets your hand down, holding onto your fingertips.

"Yes?"

"What should this poor knight do without you?" He whispers, squeezing your fingertips. "When you are to pass?"

"Be a little selfish, perhaps." You hum. "Is there something you wish to do with me?"

Cael's ears turn red. He can not be selfish to this extent. He can not. He... he can't be...

"Shall we get married?" Cael looks up at you sheepishly.

You sit up, accidentally hitting your forehead on Cael's, his fingers rubbing it with a gentle frown as you pout.

"You want to get married to me?"

"We can live in the nice little cottage you had in your tenth life." He whispers. "And we can wear matching rings."

"Will you grant me a quick death in my next life, then? So that I may return to dust?"

"Of course." He whispers. "Anything that the master wants, the master will get."

"Then yes." You pause. "Though, make sure the proposal is at least grander than any of my previous ones."

"It will he hard to outdo the king, no?" He hums affectionately.

"I'm sure you can do it, my knight." You grin.

You regain your will to move around shortly after that. The two of you board to explore the continent you both passed away looking to visit, and you have fun, brow raised as Cael helps you off the ship, the two of you settling down in a hostel and wandering around the streets. You find that it is not much different from when you had gone around town with Naledi. Though, the food here is much more fragrant, spices dancing on your tongue as you have them, eyes lit up.

"Good?" Cael takes the food from you, finishing it as you look for something new to try.

"mhm," You hum. "You?"

"It is alright."

"Here." You take the food back, and finish it in a bite, licking your lips. "I'd get you some soup, but they don't seem to have lighter foods here."

"That's quite alright." Cael mumbles. "So? Was there something you wanted specifically?"

"Oh, there it is!" You hand the woman two coins as she pulls out drinks from the ice, and you hand one to Cael. "I think you'll like this one."

"Yeah?" He takes a sip, pausing as he raises a brow. "It's good."

"That's good." You pull at his wrist, pressing your lips to the straw, taking a sip. "Alright. I just wanted a sip. Do you want skewers? I think that's what they're called."

"I'm good." He follows after you, straw pressed to his lips as you look around and stare at the small trinkets. Cael wonders how he's going to propose to you. Perhaps he could make a grand ring, but it would not be worth much. If he buys something mass-produced, then he would be an awful lover. Though, he glances at the store tucked behind one of the shops, snapping his fingers to cast a self-defense spell on you as he heads in. That ring.

He needs to get that ring for you.

The purchase goes smoothly, his words sweet as he tells the jeweler that it is for his lover, his eyes gentle as he snaps his fingers, bag of gold manifesting with his magic. The jeweler blinks at the money handed to her, and she shakes her head profusely. Cael takes the ring and the box, waving at the jeweler as he makes his way back to you, stepping next to you as you show him the soup you've just obtained. You feed it to his lips, and he smiles, laugh on his lips as he hums, the drink you bought him empty now.

"Was it really that good?"

"Yes." He hums. "Shall we get going?"

Time flies. You finish your little trip and pack to leave, luggage heavier than before, yawning as you step around to get ready to leave. The boxes are packed up as both you and Cael push them to the ship, and he laughs, lips curled upward as he hums.

"What do you think about going back on our own boat?"

You blink. "A... like last time we were stranded?"

"It will be better this time." He promises, lips curled upwards gently. "I will learn wind magic for my master's next life."

You laugh at him, cheeks warm with a life that Cael had not seen in forever. So, he brushes the fallen lash on your cheek as he stares down at you, he finds himself laughing, breeze by the port in his hair as he looks up at you, eyes gentle and warm, brimming with affection as he smiles, corner of his eyes crinkling as you stare up at him.

"Master." He speaks. "Will you go on my boat with me?"

You hum, smile mirroring his. "Yeah."

The two of you stay out at sea for a while, and at some point, the boat stops moving. There is plenty of food the two of you have brought, so you do not worry about starvation, but you can't help but feel that it is so strange to see Cael be so upfront about his emotions for you. You suppose it was inevitable that he would fall for you, but you were surprised that it had taken him such a long time to be selfish to this extent. Perhaps it is the looming worry that you will be gone by your next life.

So, when the boat disappears into a floating platform of ice, you jump in your seat, staring at Cael as the ice hardens under your feet. You stare down and then back up at him, confused, head tilted to the side as you let him step close to you, his fingers gentle on your face as he brushes your hair, lips curling upwards as he kneels, and it gives you the same sense of deja vu you got from knighting him so many years ago. Yet, this kneeling is for a different purpose, you find.

"In this life and your last, in your sickness and my death, will you do the honors of letting me be the one to cherish and hold you close?" He pauses. "Whether it is as your knight or as your beloved. Whether it is as a penpal or your chef, and whether it is as your curser or blesser, will you let me cherish you until you return to the dust of the earth and know nothing better?"

The sea breeze ruffles your hair as you look down at him, cheeks and ears flushed, warmth creeping up your neck as you find yourself breathless, and Cael waits as your mouth forms words, baring all your teeth in your smile as you give him your answer.

"Would any master say no in this case?"

Cael fishes out the ring, sliding it on your fingers as you stare at it.

"It's so pretty." You mumble, staring in awe, barely noticing the way the ice platform has returned to a boat. "When did you buy it?"

"That is a secret I will be keeping from you," He grins, finger pressed to his lips as you pout.

"Aren't my words absolute?" You pretend to frown.

"Not when it is my proposal." He hums. "Let me cherish you this life so you may pass quickly in your next one."

"Alright." You hum, closing your eyes as Cael holds you close. "Can you kill me with poison in my next life?"

"You would like to be poisoned?"

"It would be fitting as I died that way in my first life, would it not?" You pause. "Perhaps something to grant me a quick death. Maybe to pass in my sleep would be nice."

"Alright." Cael whispers, pressing your fingers to his lips, bottom lip brushing over your ring. "Where would you like the wedding?"

"Do you think the king would let us get married in the glass chapel?"

"It does not hurt to ask."

You get married to Cael, his hair done up as purple flowers decorate the venue, your lips curled upward as a smile that forces your eyes to crinkle sits on your face, an eternity past spent with him, and the short eternity future to be spent with him. You get to live a long life next to him, your skin turning wrinkly and old with age and Cael staying the same, but his eyes and touch ever fond with the same gentleness that has never changed even now that you are no longer at your prime.

You wave goodbye to your kids, and Cael sends them off with a nod.

"Phew, I'll have to see you in my bedroom soon." You frown, staring in the mirror. "I can feel my death approaching."

"Do you believe we are soulmates, dear?" Cael sits next to you by your bedside, and you smile.

"Perhaps." You close your eyes, sighing. "Maybe Naledi knew all along."

"Perhaps." He closes his eyes with you, and in the distance, the same bells that chimed on your wedding chime again.

Time is up at last.

🕛.

"Would you like to do anything before you pass?" Cael is the first to speak in your final regression.

Perhaps thirteen is an unlucky number, but it is not his problem. He slides your sleeve up as he carves one final circle into your skin, and your chest glows a dark purple, symbolizing the completion of the curse. You stare at your hand, then at Cael, lips curled into a sweet smile. You reach for him, wrapping your arms around him wordlessly as Cael hums into your skin, the vibrations soothing against your flesh.

"Cael."

"Yes, master?"

"Call me dear." You hum. "Ah, I would like to be buried with my ring from our past life."

"I shall do that." He nods. "Would you like to repeat our past life?"

"I do not mind it." You hum. "Though, it would be nice to have children earlier. I do not believe I will live as long as I did in my past life."

"Of course." He presses his forehead to yours, humming. "Let us get married earlier as well."

Cael finds the ring in the same place as before, handing the clerk the same amount of gold, a smile on his face as he returns from his vacation, offering you a pretty bouquet of flowers similar to the ones at your wedding, the ring attached to the center rose, and you laugh, cheeks warm with affection as he slides the ring back on your finger. There is no wedding this time around, just a simple registration and wedding gown, the same white and violet flowers in your hair and his suit, his lips pressed to your ring as the two of you spend the night together as you had in the past.

Cael looks into magic to control pain, and you find that it is so much more soothing to deliver a child with your husband's icy hands on your back. It is almost as if he had learned it so that there would be as little pain as possible this time around. You find that it may be annoying, but knowing what each of your children would be like was much better than expected. Their fingers cling onto yours as you watch them grow up, your body aging faster than your past life, your children only young adults when you turn old and frail.

So, when you call them all to your room, Cael still next to you and brushing his fingers over the back of your hand; you laugh.

"I'm passing soon." You hum. "It is a shame, but I will not be able to see my grandchildren this time around. Perhaps Cael might, but it seems that..."

"It is fine." Your eldest pauses to stare at Cael. "Father will be free once you pass. He will find you again."

"Like he always told us he would." Your second chuckles. "Though, we may not be alive to see you."

"I'll miss you." Your youngest steps next to your bed, taking your other hand. "We will miss you, mother."

"I will miss you all as well, but..."

"But you will be put to rest." Cael nods. "There will no longer be a repeat of the past, and you will no longer be forced to live in a world where you are cursed to return again and again."

"Yes." You smile. "Now, shoo. I wish to have a word with your father."

"Stay in the tearoom. I shall discuss burial when she passes."

Your children exit the door, your eldest looking back one last time. It is strange to see such a young man smiling at an old woman so affectionately. One might mistake him for your grandchild, but it would not be the case. He may not have gotten much affection from his father, but it was evident that Cael loved at least you with his whole heart. Perhaps he will look at someone with the same amount of affection in his eyes one day.

"So?" Cael raises a brow, holding your hand to his cheek as you hum. "Where would you like to be buried?"

"In Naledi's flower field that we purchased off her hands." You close your eyes. "Please tend to the flowers each time you return from your travels."

"Of course." He closes his eyes as you close yours. "I love you, dear."

"I love you too, Cael." You hum. "My beloved."

This time, there are no bells to chime nor time that has run out.

Cael tells your children about where you wish to be buried, and your children comply, gathering for a small funeral as they bury you in the dirt where you had wished to return, and Cael finds himself hugging his children for the first in a long time. It is hard to lose you, he knows, but he is aware that you will return sometime soon. Your soul will wander back into the people who are close to him, and even if you will not recognize him, he would protect you until the very end. Thus, as he sends his children off one by one, handing the family seal to his eldest with a gentle kiss to his forehead, he hums the same lullaby that they had grown up listening to.

"Come visit. The residence's walls are always open." His eldest looks up at him through tear-stained lashes, and Cael nods.

Once all of your children are gone, Cael removes his sword and places a bouquet of preserved flowers on your grave, tightening his coat as the winter snow falls, your frail body buried back into the earth, returning to the dust that it was made of.

And though you are gone now, Cael will find you again as he always has.

After all, you are his master, his lover, and his object of affection. just as he is your knight and beloved.

[mywitchyblog]

Hi there! i just wanted to say thank you so much for writing so many in depth essays that really delve deep into the concepts of shifting. I'm planning on going through all of them today lol they are very interesting. I have a question in regards to age changing, and before I ask, I have nothing against age changing, I am simply curious : could you maybe expand on the age changing for exploitative reasons and what would those reasons include? Does experiencing young love only stop at love without carrying into intimacy? what if someone ages themselves down, and shifts to have both romantic and sexual experiences with minors? questions like that. Thank you for taking the time to read this!

Part 1: Fetishistic and Exploitative Reasons for Aging Down

When discussing the reasons for aging down in a Desired Reality (DR), it’s essential to acknowledge that not all intentions are ethical. Some individuals might engage in age changing with motivations that are exploitative or fetishistic. Here are specific examples:

1. Fetishizing Youthful Sexuality:

Example: A person might age themselves down specifically to engage in sexual experiences that revolve around the idea of being "young and inexperienced." Their focus is on scenarios that highlight the novelty or innocence of youth, driven by an attraction to these aspects. This is a clear example of fetishizing youth, where the motivation for shifting is to indulge in sexual fantasies centered around being younger.

2. Manipulating the Age Transition:

Example: Some individuals might script themselves to be a minor in their DR and plan to shift back to their Original Reality (OR) or change the DR as soon as they or others in that DR reach 18 or 20 years of age. The motivation here is rooted in fetishizing youth. As soon as the characters are no longer minors (18) or no longer teenagers (20), they lose interest and shift back because it no longer fulfills their fetishistic desires. This indicates an unhealthy fixation on the age transition itself rather than on a genuine experience.

Important Distinction: It’s essential to note that this is different from those who shift to a teenage-centric DR and return to their OR once the "main plot" or storyline has ended. In the latter case, the shift back is about completing a narrative or experience. Correlation does not equal causation; simply shifting back after a storyline ends is not inherently fetishistic.

3. Scripting Power Imbalances:

Example: Normally, when you shift, your awareness and maturity align with the age you have scripted in your DR. However, some individuals might script themselves to retain the awareness and mindset of an adult while being in the body of a minor. This allows them to manipulate or dominate younger characters in their DR by exploiting the power imbalance. The intention here is deeply unethical, as it involves using shifting to control or exploit others who are genuinely experiencing life as younger individuals.

4. Regressive Fetishism:

Example: A person might shift to a much younger age, such as a child or pre-teen, to engage in scenarios that involve being taken care of or infantilized in a way that aligns with regressive or age-play fetishes. Here, the focus is not on healing or reliving childhood in a meaningful way but on indulging in fetishistic fantasies that involve exaggerated age differences and power dynamics.

Part 2: Valid and Acceptable Reasons for Aging Down

In contrast, there are many legitimate, valid, and even therapeutic reasons for aging down in a DR, including for romantic or sexual reasons, provided the intent is healthy and respectful. Here are some examples:

1. Healing Past Trauma:

Example: A person might age themselves down to relive a stage of life where they experienced trauma in their Original Reality (OR). By shifting to a DR where they have a loving and supportive environment, they can heal from past wounds and experience a fulfilling, nurturing childhood or adolescence that they missed out on. This process can be deeply therapeutic, helping the shifter process and overcome their past.

2. Reliving Missed Opportunities:

Example: A shifter might choose to become a teenager in their DR to experience aspects of life they missed in their OR, such as participating in high school sports, attending prom, or forming close friendships. This intention is about exploring personal growth and enjoying life experiences that they couldn’t have in their OR, rather than focusing on relationships with minors or sexualizing the experience.

3. Exploring Innocent Young Love:

Example: Some people might age themselves down to experience the innocence of young love, which can include romantic relationships that are not centered around sexuality but rather on emotional connection and affection. The intent here is to experience or relive the purity and excitement of first loves and youthful romances, which can be a wholesome and fulfilling experience without any exploitative motives.

Extended Scenario: Some people age themselves down and script a romantic and sexual relationship that begins when they are minors or teens and continues well into adulthood. In this sense, they are not "shifting for a minor" but for a romantic relationship where they grow up with the person they love. This approach focuses on long-term connection and growth, not on fetishizing youth.

4. Nostalgia and Exploration:

Example: A shifter might age themselves down to explore a time in their life with a sense of nostalgia or curiosity. For example, they might want to experience what it would be like to go back to middle school or high school with the knowledge they have now, not to exploit others but to understand and appreciate that stage of life from a new perspective. This can include forming friendships, engaging in school activities, or simply enjoying the simplicity of youth. The intent here is reflective and exploratory, focusing on the richness of life experiences rather than on any fetishistic or exploitative motivations.

5. Long-Term Romantic Relationships:

Example: Some individuals may script a romantic and sexual relationship in their DR that begins during their teenage years and continues as both individuals grow into adulthood. The intention here is to experience a deep, enduring connection with someone as they both navigate different stages of life together. This kind of age-down scenario is focused on the development of a long-term relationship, emphasizing the journey of growing up with a loved one, rather than on any fetishistic attraction to youth.

6. Persisting Shifters with Original Intentions:

Example: Some shifters may have started scripting their DR when they were much younger, with a love interest who matched their Original Reality (OR) age at the time. Over time, even as they grew older in their OR, they continued trying to shift into this DR without giving up. Their original intention may have been to experience romance or even sexual experiences as a minor, but now, it’s more about fulfilling a long-term goal they’ve been committed to for years. Their persistence is not about fetishizing minors but about finally achieving the reality they envisioned when they were younger. It's more about fulfilling a long-standing personal desire rather than an inappropriate attraction.

Conclusion:

The distinction between valid and exploitative reasons for aging down in reality shifting is crucial and lies primarily in the intention behind the shift. Ethical reasons for age changing revolve around personal growth, healing from past trauma, exploring missed opportunities, and experiencing life stages in a meaningful, respectful manner. These motivations focus on genuine emotional connections, nostalgia, and the pursuit of long-term relationships that evolve naturally within the Desired Reality (DR).

Conversely, exploitative or fetishistic reasons involve a problematic focus on manipulating age dynamics for personal gratification, often centered around unhealthy fixations on youth, power imbalances, or regressive fantasies. Such motivations are unethical and misalign with the respectful, introspective practices that should guide reality shifting.

Ultimately, shifters must engage in deep self-reflection to ensure their actions are driven by healthy, positive intentions. By doing so, they can maintain the integrity of their shifting practice, fostering experiences that are enriching, respectful, and aligned with their personal growth and well-being.

P.S : Ultimately, this is why I don't judge people who choose to age themselves down in their desired reality (DR). If people can age themselves up for romantic or sexual reasons, why is the opposite—aging down—considered "prohibited"? This double standard shouldn't exist because, in both cases, individuals are simply shifting to a reality where they have always been a certain age.

Some are quick to "call out" shifters who age themselves down, labeling them as creeps or worse, without acknowledging that teenagers often shift to a DR where they are married with kids and then immediately shift to a DR where they have a 16-year-old high school sweetheart.

Both sides of this issue should be subject to the same level of scrutiny. In the end, every reason for shifting can be boiled down to the desire for experience. As humans, our desires for different experiences vary widely.

As I've said before, I don't care if someone who is 50, 20, or 16 decides to age themselves up or down, as long as the relationships they form in their DR are based on love, appreciation, and mutual respect. Who am I to judge? Are they harming their significant other or treating them like an object? No. Then I don't care—do what you want to do. Plus those realities are alwaredy existing those event you scripted ? they already happened are happening and will happen regardless if you shift there or not.

[nostalgiclittlespace]

your post on regression grief hit me hard. i recently had a moment where for a couple hours i so vividly went back to when i was a kid, when it was the spring leading into summer during middle school and we all gathered in the open grassy field and played games. music played. the smell of the season was full of joy. ive been having more and more moments like this. the older i get and the more trauma i endure, the more i find myself having moments where i regress and cling to my tiger plushie and find myself talking a certain way. i go back to reliving these memories and its so comforting and simple.

Regressing is entirely new to me. i was told its something bad and “problematic”, so i was really scared when i started to put two and two together. do you have any advice for someone newly discovering this part of themself? (i know this is a heavy question so its okay if you dont!!)

Hi, friend ❤️❤️❤️ First of all, I have the impulse to say that I’m sorry for all the stress you’re under. While regression can be a very joyful thing, the side of it you usually see on the internet, it can also be that crushing, confusing grief. I hope some of what I’ll say can help.

First, I completely understand where you’re coming from. For me personally, regression is revisiting childhood because adulthood is hard and being a kid is just so much easier. Sometimes it feels like that’s the only safe place. Those memories are precious, and they are happy. (Some of my favorites are when I remember playing with my siblings, running around my backyard. Those were my favorite days)

My first piece of advice is that it’s okay to cling onto those memories and regress with them. It’s okay to have that bittersweet sting as you remember how simple life used to be. No matter who you are and what your situation is growing up is it’s own kind of trauma—suddenly being faced with responsibility and work, when it seemed only yesterday we didn’t have to worry about a thing. So, it’d natural to miss those easy times, and to wish for the, back. If that make you regress, then that’s okay.

I am actually fairly new to regression as well. I started trying age dreaming a year or so ago to try and cope with stress (with moderate success), but it wasn’t until the past few months that I’ve actually started to do regress routinely and consider myself a member of the community. I will admit that before I framed my regression negatively. I felt almost ashamed of myself for not handling my stress in a “typical fashion”. Which brings me to my next piece of advice. There is nothing wrong with regression. If you’ve been on this side of the Internet for long enough, I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but I’m saying it again. Age regression is completely okay, it is a valid coping mechanism.It takes time to let go of those negative outlooks and preconceptions (believe me, I know) But you have Avery supportive, kind, and fun community agere, and we’d all be happy to help you however we can.

For me, the best way to get comfortable with regressing was to take baby steps. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures like decorating your bedroom as a nursery (tho if that’ll make you more comfortable, then go for it!) personally, I started small. Watching Disney movies. Sleeping with a stuffed animal every night. Coloring with crayons and coloring books instead of my fancy colored pencils. Eventually, it became natural.

However I would also like to point out that not all regression is sunshine and rainbows (unfortunately.). It’s also that space where we recognize our trauma through a child’s perspective, and that’s hard. It’s okay and normal for regression to be difficult or painful.

Nonetheless, it’s important to take care of those feelings. remember that you deserve this safe place.

I think the most important thing I can say is to indulge in it. Your mind will thank you. Personally, I’ve honestly been handling life so much better, recalling lost childhood memories I would have forgotten about, and just generally feeling happier since I’ve allowed myself to regress when I need to.

I hope some of this was helpful. Sorry if it was a bit scatterbrained. If I think of anything else, I’ll edit this later. And If you need anything else, whether to ask some more questions or just need a listening ear, I’m always available! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Lots of love to you, friend, sending lots of warm, happy vibes your way

-Marty 💙

[ladystarksneedle]

Aemond and Age regression

I'm putting this under the cut with trigger warnings: (child abuse, trauma and coping mechanisms)

This is something I looked up and is in no way me saying "oh this is exactly what this situation is". This is just my attempt at understanding what I'm seeing. This is not a diagnosis, just speculation over behaviour of a character in a messy situation.

One of the things that I think is meant to be disturbing or off putting about the scene with Aemond is his response to what has happened. While his tone with respect to describing the failed assassination attempt on his life appears to be calm, his actions are far from it. He seems to be inching closer to the woman he's with, wishing to be held and soothed, wanting for something intimate rather than sexual which he clearly rebuffs despite having been involved with her earlier and I think it has to do with all the trauma he's unable to process masked by the encounter taking place in a brothel.

This is from a couple of articles I read which I'll link here and here.

Age regression is defined as a temporary or long-term reversal of behavior to earlier states of development. It is normal and expected in children but does occur in adulthood as well.

People sometimes revert to childlike behavior to cope with trauma, stress, severe illness, or mental health disorders. Age regression can be unconscious (involuntary) or conscious (voluntary) behavior and includes subtle examples of a person who sucked their thumb as a child chewing on a pen because they are stressed or more severely crying in a fetal position, rocking, pacing, manifestations of physical aggresion, inability to self soothe etc..

Voluntary Age Regression for some is a deliberate choice used as a coping mechanism for past trauma, anxiety, or depression.

Age regression, whether voluntary or involuntary, is not considered sexual. It is a term used in psychology or medicine. This terminology refers to those who regress to a younger state of mind and can sometimes be confused with a sexual fetish, or a type of kink.

In the beginning of the scene we also see a server bring in something which either looks like moon tea for the lady or what looks like milk to me. If it's milk it does support the theory that Aemond is probably seeking her out to feel comfort by indulging in a collective experience that masks what he went through as a child? By doing so he's perhaps re living his own traumatic experience in a way to now feel more in control of the situation.

He could be seeking her out because she's familiar and that familiarity to him now that he's exposed to much more stress is soothing. It's a complex mix of what he's been through, abuse, ptsd, anxiety and helplessness which is manifesting in his interactions.

[nerdyagere]

Trick or treat!! >:D 🎃🦇

I'd love to hear any and all thoughts you have on dunmeshi !! (Laios and Kabru specifically to narrow it down 🤺)

Happy 'ween !! ✨️

Hmm what to do, what to do... I think I'll give you a little bit of both! Get tricked but with a sweet treat to make up for it <3

(This is a bit of a mess I think but man I tried! I love these guys so much especially Kabru I need to pick him apart)

---

Kabru struggles to let himself regress, even before the end of the manga in his dungeon adventuring days he simply never found time and when he did, he was too embarrassed to let that childish fog he'd experience sometimes take over, plus he had spent enough of his life being babied he couldn't stand it anymore, didn't make his yearning to go back to the days when he was a child in his hometown go away, though

When he started working for Laios as his advisor, he had far less time at the beginning but it started to free up as they got everything together, that fog would always haunt the back of his head but be would never indulge, not until he's found breaking down hidden away in a small room Laios happened to walk by

The grief of his hometown being lost and destroyed to something they were able to prevent now, and even have a great kingdom blossom from it was too much, he wanted to go home, if this land could be saved why wasn't his? It's not fair

And now suddenly interrupted with Laios finding him tucked away in a corner crying? It was so overwhelming, he shoved his head further into his knees

What he didn't expect next was the man to sit next to him, wrap an arm around his shoulder, and simply stay there quietly, no words, just his presence (not that he had any words, he was secretly panicking inside, what does he do?? He could just sit there?? Hug him?? Will that help??)

Kabru leaned into the touch, it felt so warm, a lot more comforting than what he was used to, closing himself away after leaving his adoptive mother, her touches always felt so condescending, so cold

When he had finally calmed down, he peeked his head up to look at the other, who took a minute to notice before looking down with his soft eyes and gentle smile

---

After this "embarrassing" incident, Kabru had avoided talking about what occurred for weeks, until he and Laios were left alone in silence for just a minute too long, giving chance for the blonde to suddenly blurt out about it

Kabru reluctantly explained what had happened, he felt he owed it to the other, even going to explain the "fog" he experienced and his yearning to return back to that kid he was in Utaya, to grow up as that kid in Utaya, all those experiences he missed

He didn't expect for Laios to suddenly interrupt saying he and Falin had similar sorts of experiences, that want to be a kid again in specific

From then on, Laios would gently push the other to take some time to relax, to let that fog envelope his mind and do anything he could to remind him of home, going as far as to ask Senshi to create some dishes from Kabru's home, looking into the history of the land and seeing what common games the kids would play, inviting Kabru to join along

He couldn't go home but that didn't mean everything he once had was lost, he could still use those bits and pieces of his past to heal

[thatseventiesbitch]

Q 29: Quest, Eric/Donna

Thank you for the ask/prompt, @those70scomics! Haven't written a drabble in a hot minute. This was fun. :D

Eric/Donna: QUEST

Oh, he’s going to love this, Donna thought to herself as she did one final spin in front of the full-length mirror in their master bedroom. She grinned, imagining his reaction to her bare skin, to the sexy little negligee she hadn’t worn in years. Their kids were out of the house for the next 48 hours - spending some time with their grandparents - and she intended to capitalize on every minute of adult time she had with her husband.

The lights were off when she meandered down to their living room. He sat in front of the TV, engrossed in something, and she draped her long, lithe limbs provocatively, posing against the door frame.

“Oh Eric…” she called.

“Hmm?” he hummed, but he didn’t look at her. Whatever was on the TV had all of his attention.

She cleared her throat and tried again. “Eric,” she cooed. “Aren’t you going to come to bed?”

But he still didn’t look up. Donna crossed her arms over her cleavage, annoyed. Now she could see that he was playing a video game. His thumbs twiddled away furiously on the joystick he held.

“Hold on, babe. I just unlocked the Second Quest.”

And I just shaved my legs for the first time in three months, she thought with a grumble. This was their first kid-free weekend in ages, and this was how he wanted to spend it? What the hell?

“Eric!”

He must’ve finally heard the frustration in her voice, and he glanced in her direction.

“Whoa.” He smirked, and raked his eyes over her body appreciatively, but he still didn't pause his game.

“C’mon.” She walked closer to him and clasped her hands together behind her back innocently, jutting her breasts forward. “Put your game down and come play with me,” she pouted.

“I - just give me a few more minutes - I swear I just have to - ”

“Are you kidding me?” Donna plopped down on the couch next to him, exasperated. “It’s just a stupid game!”

“I - I know,” he cringed. “It’s just - the - the kids are always playing it and - I-I never got to this level before - ”

Donna rolled her eyes, but despite her annoyance, a part of her understood. They had all kinds of responsibilities as parents, and it was exhausting. This weekend was a chance for them to both regress a little, and enjoy the things they never got to do anymore. Like sex. And playing video games. And having ice cream sundaes for breakfast. They had all weekend together. She supposed she could let him indulge for a little while longer.

But she couldn't resist the urge to smirk.

“Really? Cuz I have,” she said nonchalantly, nodding at the screen.

Eric scoffed. “Yeah, right.” His character ran through the drawbridge doors to the castle, but he’d run right past an important hidden resource. 

“Turn around,” Donna advised him. “You missed the second life hidden underneath the second stone from the left.”

Eric actually paused the game for the first time. He turned to her incredulously. “How do you know that?”

She shrugged. “I told you: I’ve played this level before.”

He chuckled in disbelief. “No way. It’s the Second Quest. A whole different map. There’s no way you - ” he’d doubled back to check for the second life she’d told him about, and now he gasped. 

She was correct. Donna just smirked.

“How - when - ”

“Breastfeeding,” Donna shrugged. She’d spent a lot of long hours down in the living room nursing their son in the middle of the night.

Eric just stared at her, dumbfounded. He’d paused the game again. 

“You have never been sexier to me,” he informed her.

She giggled as he growled and then attacked her neck with kisses. Finally, she thought.

[mizufae]

So, because of my kidney stone and the election happening at the same time, I started watching Friends from the beginning all the way through, as a pleasant departure from reality. Today I finished watching all ten seasons. I watched it when it was first airing on nbc and again multiple times throughout my life but I don’t think I ever watched it start to finish like this before. Notably it was as background tv to playing animal crossing and sundry tasks, so it’s not like I was truly binging it in the hyper focus sense. But anyway I have some thoughts.

One, Chandler’s dad is a trans woman who is also a professional drag queen and she is unfairly maligned by the entire cast repeatedly, which sucks, but if we extend the fiction twenty years she would be a repeated guest judge on drag race and Chandler would get cool points galore.

Two, Chandler is nonbinary. Obviously the language and common awareness of this way of being wasn’t really out there when the show aired but presumably Phoebe or his dad would bring it up eventually, and my god is it written into the show. Every time Chandler is powerfully uncomfortable and disingenuous it’s because of a failure of fitting into explicit gender roles. Every time he expresses disgust at girly things, he is shown indulging in them in secret or with his most trusted confidants later. Every time he enjoys girly things comfortably he has to balance it out with machismo afterwards, but he is hopelessly uncomfortable with machismo as well. And it’s not just that kind of stuff, it’s his role in the friend group as occasional genderless clown, his self presentation, his repeatedly acceptance of mediocre compromise in his professional and romantic life because to really ask for what he wants seems impossible… I could go on. But anyway hopefully mid 50s Chandler is signing his emails with “Chandler Bing, he/they” and crossing his fingers that nobody asks him about it and then his work friends throw him a surprise coming out party he didn’t want.

Three, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are clearly in a poly situationship - we have regressed societally in a lot of ways but the ease with which male friendship and deep affection was expressed on Friends sticks out particularly in light of our current culture, but the three of them have something definitely beyond that. Like, Joey has a room in their house. Joey asks if he can have an aquarium and a sex swing in that room. Who are you sharing the sex swing with out in the suburbs, Joey???

Four, a lot has been said about the insidious silent racism of Friends’ extremely white fictional NYC, but wholly shit it pales in comparison to the rampant, explicit, unquestioned fatphobia. The fatphobia shows up in every episode. There is not a single fat character presented in a positive light. The only reason ugly naked guy is ugly is because he gained weight. Monica’s entire character is built on fatphobia. Even the kindest characters most accepting of individuality use fatness as an insult. We never even get a fat and happy stereotype, unless you count oblivious past fat Monica dancing while eating pizza, but we know she becomes thin shortly after this and also immediately before that shot she is described as “a pile of coats” on a bed. So like, ew. Anyway, the time period the show was filmed during is one of the worst for fat positivity. The perilously thin ideal body type of the mid 90s to early oughts is reflected in the show, but the show was making the culture for nearly half its seasons so it’s not like the writers were powerless to stop it or anything.

Five, Rachel should have ended up with Ross but Ross should have given up tenure to go to France with her! What absolute bullshit. He could have taken sabbatical and spent a gloriously romantic French summer with her and then they could have done the international young parents thing for a bit and Rachel could have come back after a few years to an even better job in the city. The way the whole show was about her slowly growing up and becoming assertive and taking risks and then the complete doormat Ross keeps her from a Parisian high fashion adventure??? Complete dud. I remember thinking this when it first aired, but goddamn, as a 40 year old I am so deeply disappointed.

Six, Phoebe is obviously bisexual and hopefully she came out to everyone some time soon after the show end, and also Mike made no sense. Like, he was fine, and fit in with the friend group okay, and obviously he is Paul Rudd so he is super cute and hot enough for Phoebe, but he was obviously shoehorned in and then barely developed. Half of the boys’ single episode dates had more personality than Mike shows for his entire run. David on the other hand was romantically planted for Phoebe for the entire show and was shockingly memorable considering how few episodes he was actually in. Phoebe’s ending should have been her getting a passport and flying to France with Rachel to be her translator and David meeting them at the airport because it turns out he and Phoebe had been penpals the whole time. But I digress.

Seven, did Ben and Carol die? Ben is phased out slowly, like, he shows up a few times as an older kid and then is mentioned in passing a few times, but Carol is basically disappeared into the void. She is seen like, once in the back half of the seasons and then never shows up or is mentioned again. She should have been there to tell Ross to go to France. She was supposed to be his friend. And his coparent. The rest of the friends all really liked her, and she fit into the expanded world perfectly well, alongside characters like Janice and Gunther, both of whom had important scenes in the last few episodes. So why not have a Carol cameo? A phone call??? Anything? A mention that Carol and Susan had moved to the burbs earlier and now Monica and Chandler were doing the same? Something?????? Poor work.

Eight, despite some of my issues above, Friends is an incredible piece of television. The ensemble never stops having chemistry. The combinations of characters always reveal a new element or dynamic. The costumes and sets are absolutely iconic, in ways I only now appreciate but inherently understood the first time. There is some of the tightest sitcom writing of all time. The guest stars were outrageous but always integrated, and the ensemble actors stood toe to toe with them no problem. There are genuine moments of love and stupidly funny gags all the time. Like, I’m annoyed by plenty of little things. But taken as a whole I now get why it was so big at the time and why it continues to endure.

[dragon-queen21]

AHH im back again howdy, i dont exactly have one headcanon i go off of this time, theres a few, its more like my misc hcs until i come up with somethin i can reallt write about, i hope you dont mind ☹️ i just like ramblin in these asks, its really fun

—first off, i see brook as a regessor, but i dont see him as a little regressor or even a kid regressor. i see him regressin to his 30s, when he was alive and still with his old crew. or he regresses to his 40s; a little after he died. when hes regressed its really hard to tell, for both him and the strawhats. its in moments when he wakes the crew up with his songs or sometimes when he gets scared of his own reflection or its when he has to be left alone on the sunny. he doesnt need to be cared for like a younger regressor, but he would need care in other ways. when hes regressed, he thinks about the past, his old captain and crew, he misses laboon.

— ALSO I REALLY WANNA DROP MY STRAWHAT AGERE HEADCANONS OKAY WIAT LET ME- ONE SECOND

Luffy, Zoro, Robin, Brook, Nami, and Sanji are flips. (Cg + Reg)

Franky is a caregiver only.

Usopp + Chopper are babysitters & regressors.

woah they we go!!! feel free to tell me if you have different ideas ! i love hearin from others !

— i have the hc that the crew enforced little zoro naptimes because he gets fussy (hes like a cranky old man except hes like. 8.)

— luffy can walk a lot of the time he regresses, he just doesnt want too. he prefers when people carry him. it makes him really happy

— sanji and luffy regress the youngest normally. theyre really silly! luffys very energetic, and sanjis more calm, but put them together and oh boy!

okay im done now, im sorry its so unorganized and im sorry ive been sending in a lot of asks

also i hope your doing okay, make sure to take time for yourself yk:)

📷

It’s really fun to hear from you! I was hoping you would have more to share! :D

Oooh I like that idea. Especially love characters who have been alive for longer than a normal life span, when asked “hey, how old are you feeling?” They genuinely don’t know how to answer because age is so subjective to them. (I was actually thinking about this recently for two of my own characters so it’s funny that you bring this up)

Adding my own head canon, Nami sews plushes for the crew members, she would definitely make a whale plush for Brook! (Also she would make Zoro a cat plush and Sanji a mouse, anyways~)

Adding Jinbei as being a caregiver only. Just, very dad coded.

I don’t know if I see Chopper being a regressor. Well actually scratch that, maybe a pet regressor???

Because any childhood he could return to would be of a deer so obviously it’s less baby instincts and more fawn instincts. Does that make sense??? I don’t know if I worded that right, but you get the idea

(hes like a cranky old man except hes like. 8.)

<- XD oh my goodness I love this. So much. You have no idea. It fits so perfectly

Let. Luffy. Cling. 👏 ends up clinging to his crew mates backs if they can’t properly hold him.

Mkay but might I offer you the idea of baby space luffy? Paired with little Sanji who’s regressed to around two. Just. The tinies.

No apologies! Like I said I quite enjoy these! Send in as many as you would like to I shall happily answer all of them. It feels very rare to get comments like these and I love getting the excuse to ramble about characters with someone who is also into the conversation, you honestly make my whole day :D

Also I need to take some time for myself in the creative sense. The urge to write a very self indulgent fic grows stronger each day. I just need to make the time.

[nightzskii]

I'm not deleting every post uugh

★ EDIT: Finally making a new pinned post ❜

SHORT INTRO; Hello! I'm panda/nightskii who alsp goes by maxwell (max for short.) My age will always be in my bio but my birthday is April 6th. I go by he/him and also they/it but I really don't mind just he/him!!! This blog is centered around art or just me reblogging important or self indulging posts! Yoyo ^_^

LONG INTRO UNDER CUT!

AN INTRODUCTION — @nightzskii

Hello, and welcome to my blog!! ^_^ I'm nightzskii [otherwise known as max/maxwell or panda].

— I use other names like Rock, Nini, Len, Craig, and many others that I'll say you can use! I'm a name hoarder, I love names.

☆; My activity on tumblr isn't much, I don't post and when I do it's not really for this blog.. I gotta get used to posting again..??! I might make a blog for all my ocs and characters and their reference sheets. I'll try to respond to mutuals/friends when I can faster than I would with strangers, but sometimes my ability to do such a thing is nonexistent. It's not on any of you!

☆; I'm Black and Puerto Rican! This is what I know because my mom told me. I CANNOT SPEAK OR UNDERSTAND SPANISH!!!?? I can say a few words [only like. two.] and understand SOME phrases, but I lost my ability to understand Spanish since I'm always around people who speak ENGLISH. I do want to relearn however, but I also want to learn Japanese!

☆; I do have disorders that effect(affect??!?) my daily life and how I perceive and understand things. I struggle with some social clues, but I'm not going to force anyone to use tone-tags, I'll just guess and respond!

☆; YOU MAY BE WONDERING WHY PAST POSTS HAVE SYSTEM STUFF IN IT!!! It's because I AM a systsm. I don't use this blog for system stuff anymore however, and I'll be @'ing most blogs I have that's NOT private! Including my altermate's blogs. I am the main host and have been here for the longest!

☆; YOU CAN USE THEY/IT OR ANY OTHER PRONOUNS BESIDE [SHE/HER] ON ME!! I may be seen using he/him for myself, but I'm not that picky on pronouns. I'm agender, and I do NOT care what term is being used for me, including feminine ones! You can call me any word with fems in mind. I don't care.

☆; Any carrds, rentrys, etc I have will be linked/put inna masterlist that I gotta fix. Thank you for your time on this part! edit; hi we have strawpage now

i also have mt personal strawpage here

MY BOUNDARIES — @nightzskii

★; DNI [CHECK STRAWPAGE FOR UPDATED DNI] [pro] Zoos/[No]Maps, Anti Mogai/lgbtqa+phobic, Racist/Colorist, Sexist/Misogynistic, Ableist/Discrimatory, Kink/Nsfw blogs, * Violent Syscourse/[Pro] endos/non traumagenic, [Pro] Ddlg+varients, HARMFUL TransID/Radqueers + anything in that corner, Pro harassment/Pro Misinformation, Villainization + Romanticizing Disorders, Violently religious, GENUINELY WEIRD stans & Fans, Anti age/pet regression. PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT.

* VIOLENT syscourse/[pro] endos/non traumagenic ((Let's not harass or be rude to each other. help.))

★; If you make jokes you can't make [examples being making a joke about being; a black slave when you're white, r//ped (a) when you weren't, m//lest//d (o, e) when you weren't, anything historical when it's not YOUR history] then please DON'T INTERACT EITHER! I can appreciate a "dark joke" when it's something you can actually joke about.

★; If you use AI to steal/generate/etc peoples actual hard working designs, then don't interact. Stay in your cage

★; IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ME OR FEEL UPSET ABOUT WHATEVER I DID/DO/HAVE DONE/ETC, TELL ME! I don't mind talking about it and I'd rather to not strain any friendships if its something that can be talked about!

FINAL NOTES — @nightzskii

☆; I do have old blogs STILL flying about that was WAY BEFORE I FOUND OUT I WAS A SYSTEM! Some of those blogs were made by myself before i "molded" [fused, but I don't know I should use that word???] with the old OLD host at the time who ALSO ran those blogs. OUR VIEWS FROM IT HAVE CHANGED BY NOW! If you find it and link it back to us, feel free to @ the blogs its so funny looking back.

☆; I will NOT talk much about being a system with other disorders on this blog. that's for a different one!!

— BLOGS I'VE MADE! ❜

@dazyskiie-luv [writing] & @nightzskiiauz [my aus/stories]

@bluestoneau & @horrorrversee [au]

@stars4-max & @hoardzskii [personal]

@twisteddescendants & @kufflesdiamond & @huntersscythe [twst]

@kauikia [dandys world]

@moon-loves-genders [have to fix it!!] & @wat-da-hell-iz [inactive currently] & @dabackroms [inactive currently]

@vampbitesfr & @howlin4uu [monster rp accounts, inactive currently! refixing.]

— SYSTEM BLOGS! ❜

@snowdinne [MAIN SYS SIDE BLOG.]

@haruutalks & @cinooscatcafe

@ventifool & @scarafool

@ecplises-mailman & @devildomduzt (all blogs for now!)

[strangepersonthefirst]

Hello, Those who watch this. It's not Strange today.

It is. But, well. I dropped the mask, and then I thought some more and I realized I needed some time to do actual past life regression. So it's not strange. It's just Me, still complete.

I have thoughts to share. Things I thought today, under another face, as myself.

I never thought the world was only math. I couldn't. I was born with a golden spoon- I can recall it, clear as ever.

I awoke in the plains. I heard it- thrumming at my fingertips, the mingling of death and life and growth and wind.. and I indulged a habit found by all of my further selves. I made the world start to sing a song. I didn't know the melody, or the words. But I sung, and it sung, and in that moment I think I made myself forever animist, even without any true teachings. I could feel the energy and the soul wrapped around it.

And then I grew. It's a habit of my lives, to find trauma when they are young. I was so attached to the world- that at merely 11 years, that life. My first life. I grew to know I was hunted. And the world responded to fear in the only way it ever does, when you connect so far and so much. I gained my first title. “The Afraid.”

It hums at my fingers now. It all does. I never named myself- that curtosy was given to my second, third lives. But I never named this one. Just my true name, because I could hear it. I spend so much time with my fingers in my ears because energy is so loud now. It's so much louder than it ever was.

And I'm just as scared. Maybe not just as. But I have been staring at it. When the bad harvest came, It was this voice who responded- the one who runs from gods, the Afraid. And now I have made plans, and I wonder- are we running, again? The title still fits this life. But the whole of me- the complete picture. We're not afraid, and we are not sorry. Magic doesn't kneel, it trades.

The universe takes no sides. It cannot care, it cannot bless. It can only recognize what you are and what you have worked to draw to you in one life. Anything more is old ghosts come to haunt. Remember that, Aerith, Bird. These things are no Karma. just old ghosts.

[blackjackkent]

Doing some meta pondering on character arcs for future chapters of "Open Your Eyes and It Will Blind You" (x) while waiting for the dye to set in my hair at the salon.

(I find I feel weirdly embarrassed talking about this fic; the fact that Jaheira/Rasaad did not exist at ALL on AO3 as a pairing threw me for a loop and has convinced my brain that I am being Self-Indulgent and Weird despite the fact that literally all fic is Self-Indulgent and Weird and that is why we love it. XD So I am trying to push myself past that and allow myself to be excited about the thing regardless. #personalgrowth That said, this really is just me thinking out loud so feel free to ignore, lol.)

As I said to Springy when she was helping me beta the first chapter - one of the big challenges I'm encountering with this fic is that I think Jaheira and Rasaad would be good being together post-BG2, but writing/plotting them getting together is a little like pulling teeth - they are both people with very strong emotions who have lost much, but they are also both reserved as hell about actually sharing/showing/indulging those feelings visibly.

I have spent a considerable amount of time studying the romance dialogue both of them have with the PC in BG2, but it was no help because BOTH of them have a romance arc centered around the question "Oh gods, what am I doing, what if this is a mistake" and all of the conversations are "[has a feeling] [immediately backpedals]" until the PC basically has to whack them upside the head with their intentions. And Khalid says in Siege of Dragonspear that his original courtship of Jaheira back in the Harpers consisted of him slamming through a hospital door and pouring his heart out to her while she was injured and couldn't hide from the Feels, and it turned out she'd already been sitting on the same feelings for months. XD

So - the question becomes how two people who are BOTH that reticent about their emotions manage to get past it and reach an understanding.

My intention is that the next chapter will make clear that the feelings are there (probably helped on by some Avariel wine at Quayle's birthday party), which will spook both of them, with Rasaad's response being "time to run back to Calimshan, face the music, and die" (kicking off the actual plot as the squad demands to come along with him), because healthy coping mechanisms are a foreign concept in Faerun.

So they will both be sitting with that awareness from pretty early in the story, hopefully leaning into one of my favorite tropes: "The feelings are actually requited, they're both just dumbasses." But as for the actual incident that pushes them to acknowledge those feelings...hm.

Fundamentally, I see both of their character arcs in this story, even before the romance, as being about looking forward vs looking back. Jaheira feels stagnated with no battles left to fight and Rasaad is trapped by his regret over what the monks half a world a way think of him. Ultimately Rasaad's epiphany in going back to Calimshan is not that he is forgiven by the monks there (for something he didn't even do), but realizing that he does not need their approval because he has grown beyond who he was when he lived there and has people who truly care about him and know him. Jaheira's is a little more nebulous, but I see it as building off of Caden's comment in the first chapter that sometimes simply living is enough - that a grand purpose is not always required to live a worthwhile life (this is a topic I've been thinking about a lot in the context of my own life lately and feels like a worthwhile theme to explore).

(Obviously Jaheira is eventually going to get drawn back to Baldur's Gate and a life of purpose in the war against the Absolute, and based on her BG3 dialogue it's clear that she's regressed a bit in this regard from any progress she might make with Rasaad. XD But I don't think that negates the possibility of her being able to have some happiness for a while.)

However... I think I want any romance development to be independent of these epiphanies, because "I have realized I have something to live for because you exist" is a perfectly satisfying trope but feels like a lessening of these characters in this scenario. "I have realized I have life ahead of me, and consequently but unrelatedly am opening myself to you" has more appropriate depth, I think.

Honestly, there are two existing moments in BG2 that feel like they might make sense to build from that I might end up adapting into the fic...

First is a moment from Jaheira's in-game romance. She wakes from a dream where Khalid was watching her but she was unable to reach him; the PC can comment that perhaps Khalid is happy to see that she still has people to travel with and isn't alone, and she says something to the effect of "it wasnt the whole group, it was just you and me. But I think you may be right." It's actually a really sweet little moment, one of the more emotionally resonant bits of the romance line.

The other moment is a bit of banter between Rasaad and Aerie if neither of them are romanced. They're chatting and she makes some subtle comments about wanting to spend more time with him, and it goes completely over his head. The PC then had the chance to chime in and tease him about missing her signals. ("you have no idea what's going on here, do you"). Given the characters involved in this fic, it might make sense for Caden to get involved in playing matchmaker a bit in the late story after the feelings have been stewing for a while.

Anyway... again, mostly thinking out loud but I want to make sure my thoughts are in order. I'm not used to writing multi-chapter fics and it's a very unique challenge trying to make sure the emotional through-line is set up at the beginning and carries through to the end.

[ibeeneatinglobsterhooverdamn]

march 24

Listening to bladee today after blasting saosin all day I’ve been listening to him for basically 4 years at this point. Crazy time moves so fast regardless of what you’re doing

been doing little things to help myself and little things to get out of the victim mindset I find myself trapped in constantly, I try not to blame or get mad at myself and I still have a habit of putting myself down which makes me doubt my own abilities. But I know I am capable of good things

exercising more, redirecting thoughts and what not . I have so many slip ups still with my mentality and It’s going to help when I pinpoint where my emotions really come from (news flash most of them come from insecurity and immaturity)

but I will share reminders for myself here for me to read and ground myself because I go into a moment of clarity and then immediately start tweaking, but honestly I do believe these past 8-5 months were and still so are important to my growth as a person being a teenager then growing into an adult is a crazy ass fucking thing..

Insecurity : I still find myself projecting features I dislike onto other people , and it’s a subconscious thing but im getting better at it and not judging people too much anymore but I also assume people want to kill me and that everyone is out to get me and wants to manipulate and abuse me. That’s what ruined my relationship with kit.

future: I spend a lot of time just doing nothing when I could be working towards my careers 😭 but I definitely do want to make music and I want to pursue art and get a tattoo apprenticeship etc and keep in contact with yanis and star for possible clothes & music collabs etc, and I want to start making documentaries & interviews & critiques and actual good YouTube content that’s suitable and iconic and also work on an animated show. I know those are the things that I want to do. And if I just waste my life doing things I don’t love then I am going to die with regret and I simply refuse. I can do everything anyone else can do if I work hard enough. I was put on this earth to do more and contribute more to the people around me. I want to be able to give back to the people I love when I finally am myself and im comfortable in myself and im doing the things I love and able to reliably love the people around me. Im going to grow into someone that’s able to rely on themselves before anyone else but I want people to be able to rely on me for anything as long as it’s genuine. I know it’s not going to be perfect and life is just going to get harder but like a soldier, I parade on ⚔️, **no matter how low you get, keep going .**

relationships with others: I dislike the people im around a lot of the time honestly and that’s also because im not giving myself time away from them and giving myself the patience I simply require , despite how I feel, talking to people all the time just drains my energy and thats energy I need to funnel into creative projects.

Fixation & obsession: whenever a person comes into my life that I can actually connect with Its like a form of regression where I rely on this person for my mood, day, self esteem etc and that’s the biggest sign of a bigger mental disorder that im going to need to address eventually, I then project so much onto that person and assume that’s just how I would feel if etc etc and that’s not true, and you simply just cannot control people or estimate your relationship with them and that’s fine. However I need to start redirecting myself when this happens instead of indulging and thinking these are my true feelings because it comes out in small ways and because I do not healthily translate these things into other outlets. Things that have helped include 1. Simply practicing redirection. 2. Exercising 3. Drawing 4. Producing 5.Stimming 6.Video games(some of them) 7. Literally just turning my phone off and meditating lol (need to do more often)

kit: I love kit a lot for the things he showed me about love and in a way, he did teach me how to love people despite how hard it is. I have been seemingly stunted due to trauma and it’s hard for me to genuinely like people or connect to them but it’s getting easier for me to be vulnerable with people I like and tell them how I feel and I am proud of myself. I accept full responsibility for the situation between me and kit because it wouldn’t have even happened in the first place without my doing, and I was conscious of my actions & felt guilty yet I kept doing it anyway, so the best thing I can do for myself is to just stop repeating those actions and those small lies to people because attention is not important and I don’t need it or want it. I promise to treat the people who love me better and I promise to never hurt anyone like that ever again. And I have to accept that me and kit are never talking again and therefore are never going to be together again and that’s okay. I need to work on forging genuine relationships with people and keeping them and not pushing boundaries and projecting hate , lust , etc on them I genuinely do wish the best for kit and I hope he finds someone who was leagues more mature and caring and loving than I was . He deserves it and I wish the best for him in his life and I can never bring myself to hate him and he’s one of the many examples of how nothing is black or white.

june: I’ve been unintentionally carrying a lot of baggage from my previous relationship and unloading that onto june in really weird ways and talking & thinking about them in a weird way like they’re my belonging or something or im dating and even if im not explicitly crossing any boundaries I still am, the way I’ve been talking about them is disgusting and a plain lack of maturity and I will not do that anymore, they are their own person and they do not owe me anything and this entitlement i have is kind of a new thing but i need to forgive myself and promise myself im not going to continue that behavior anymore & stop acting weird. Because I literally said their behavior towards me was okay so theres no reason for me to be mad about it and say and think those things about them when they’re obviously just going through shit & living their life however the fuck they want to, I didn’t mean any of those words I said about them and I wish I could apologize to them right now and say sorry. I cannot shake how I feel about someone and it’s not an easy thing for me to do because I really just liked the version of themselves they showed to me, despite any discrepancies or any blur or objective vs subjective they’re a very unique, funny , beautiful girl and I wish they could see that through my eyes, I hope I can just keep being friends with them because I feel like I still have so much left to give and to learn from them. I want to see them do well and be happy. I really don’t want anything from them and the direction our relationship goes is completely out of my control. And that’s okay. They’ve showed me they care in small ways and that means so much to me.

kinstagram: I need to work on healing my inner child and it’s not really my fault because I was dumb and a kid but I need to let those people go because they were all also traumatized and evil so it’s just like , just accept it for what it is. im not really even the person I was then and I don’t like people that remind me of that time in my life so, that all doesn’t apply to me anymore or actually say anything about who I am as a person anymore and that’s ok. I honestly genuinely forgive everyone and I hope they’re all doing well now. And now it’s time to put all of that behind me and drop the edgy persona and start acting like myself and who I really am. And I am so fucking ready.

I love you karm. I love us till we die.

[manhwanews]

What makes regression manhwa so addictive? Exploring the popularity of the genre

In recent years, regression manhwa stands out as the most addictive in the world of Korean webcomics. In these stories, readers are left in awe as they are presented with thrilling plots, memorable characters, and second chances to live life over. But what actually makes this genre so irresistible? Let's dive into its elements and talk about some of the best OP MC regression manhwa along the way.

The Appeal of Second Chances

At its heart, regression manhwa deals with characters who get an opportunity to turn back time and rewrite their destiny. This concept rings a bell among readers who always dream of correcting mistakes, making better choices, and realizing their full potential.

Popular titles such as Reincarnation of the Suicidal Battle God and Return of the 8th Class Mage depict this theme where protagonists, who get a second chance, unleash all their newfound strength and dominate their adversaries. This is a masterclass in showcasing the appeal of manhwa with OP MCs taking charge of their destiny.

Thrilling Power Fantasy

One of the features that have always been more pronounced in a regression manhwa is having an OP, overwhelmingly powerful MC. Fans simply love to read how such characters have utilized their advanced knowledge, experience, and abilities over impossible odds.

Take The Beginning After the End, for instance—one of the most popular manhwas with OP MC where the protagonist reincarnates with the knowledge he had from his past life and dominates everything: magic, fighting, and everything in between. This kind of tale lets the readers indulge in the ultimate power fantasy while supporting characters they can root for.

Complicated yet Intriguing Storylines

Regression manhwa is very good at developing complex plots that are full of unexpected twists, political intrigue, and thrilling action. The readers cannot help but get hooked on watching the characters play their strategic games through the challenges of their second lives.

Titles like Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint and Return to Player bring masterfully crafted narratives, blending time travel, survival, and world-building, which are some of the best regression manhwa to date.

Dramatic Characters and Growth

Emphasis on character development marks the genre, and flawed individuals who are heroes in regressor manhwa grow both emotionally and physically stronger while navigating their new reality.

In Rebirth of the Demonic Master, the main character evolves from a tragic figure to an unstoppable force. Similarly, Solo Max-Level Newbie showcases a protagonist who uses wit and experience to outsmart enemies, making it a prime example of a manhwa with OP MC that combines growth with thrilling action.

Unparalleled Action and Visuals

The visual appeal of regression manhwa can never be exaggerated. From stunning battle sequences to awe-inspiring magical duels, these stories bring every confrontation to life.

For example, Return of the Divine Swordsman boasts jaw-dropping swordplay, while Tomb Raider King blends fast-paced action with artifact-driven combat. These elements propel the genre to ensure it is part of readers' all-time favorites.

Best Regression Manhwa You Should Read

If you’re new to the genre or looking to explore more, here are some must-read titles:

The Beginning After the End – A perfect blend of magic, action, and character development.

Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint – A meta-narrative that keeps you on the edge of your seat.

Return to Player – A thrilling mix of game mechanics and regression.

Reincarnation of the Suicidal Battle God – A dark, action-packed masterpiece with an OP MC.

Return of the 8th Class Mage – Magic and revenge collide in this engaging story.

Final Thoughts

Regression manhwa has become a fan-favorite genre by delivering addictive storylines, powerful characters, and breathtaking visuals. Whether it's the allure of a second chance or the thrill of watching an OP MC dominate, these stories continue to captivate readers worldwide.

If you haven't gotten into the best manhwa with OP MC, now is the perfect time. What's your favorite regression manhwa? Let me know in the comments below!