#over the smallest stuff
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why does cleaning take so much time and effort and energy, and then it doesn't frigging last more than a few days. unfair.
#text post#anyway i spent several hours sweeping and dusting in my mom's room today#because she's sure as fuck not going to do it and if i didn't it was going to start making us all sick eventually it was so bad#it was fucking filthy. dust and pet fur everywhere. EVERYWHERE#so much of it it barely all fit in the trash can. clouds of it floating up in the air and choking me as i tried to clean it up#quite literally i do not think she's cleaned at all in there in about three years#maybe more#it's less a bedroom now and more a tomb for someone who's still alive#i miss her so much but she's a completely different person now and i don't know how to help her#she's still here but she's become someone else entirely#this is not the woman who raised me. i do not know this woman and more than that i genuinely do not like her#and it seems more and more like she doesn't like me much either#god i HATE the person she's become#she's so ANGRY all the time and she's cruel. she's so fucking MEAN to everyone constantly#i lover her and i miss her so much but i HATE this woman#i miss when she was my mom and not this nightmare stranger who lives in my house and treats everyone like shit#all she does now i lie in bed 18 hours a day doomscroll on the internet watch tv drink and have random outbursts of explosive anger#over the smallest stuff#outbursts where she shouts and curses and is so cruel and mean i can barely stand it#i'm so tired of walking on eggshells around her#i miss my fucking mom and i hate mourning her while she's still alive but she might as well be dead because she's someone else now#we've tried so hard to try and convince her to get help but it only makes her angrier#she's sick and she needs help but she doesn't believe she's sick and she doesn't want help#and i'm so scared#i don't know what's going to happen to her she's getting worse and worse and i don't know what to do#any suggestion that she see a doctor just immediately turns into a screaming argument where she just shouts and screams#and says the most hurtful things she can think of
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bear with me here because i'm gonna ramble about something i've been thinking about for a while... and i'm not complaining, i'm just noticing
sometimes i think we've leaned so far into the vigilante side of the batfam that we miss out on what really makes their characters: detective work. we need more mysteries in their lives that don't lead up to some big bad "we already know who's doing it" or an "end of the world" or "yet again: this fucking guy." we need more stuff where spy movie music plays in the background and dumb adventures that don't lead up to some huge grand event with a big name villain. the shock factor stops being shocking or interesting in any capacity if we're like "Gah! the Joker! ... Again!" or whatever
does that even make sense? like "yeah sure they're blowing up a building again and there's hostages. oh look they're gonna poison the water supply." these aren't bad and that's not what i'm getting at because obviously this is a classic for comics. you need to have characters/antagonists that show up more than once and who can make a story better by being in it. and i did say to bear with me- that's because im tired. so like i hope im getting this across the right way? it's just that sometimes i don't wanna see a huge explosion, i want these motherfuckers solving a regular murder or a disappearance or regular corruption in a local office without it being tied to a grand reveal like "actually this person knows you as a long lost relative" or "they were at that circus can you guess which night they went?" that kind of thing? if you get me? like... more of the small time stuff makes the big stuff important, it makes it stand out more. at some point, the format gets repetitive even if you're switching up the villains. you can make these situations/mysteries still fun to solve for the characters and fun to read for the audience if you do it right
the concept of a detective dressed as a bat and having a sidekick in traffic light colors is inherently goofy as hell??? but that is what is so charming about it??? i think we have lost the balance between them being silly while also being intelligent with important conversations that criticize the world as we see it and teach lessons and can go over dark topics. nowadays it's always end of the world problems or just straight up the most gruesome true crime you can think of?? or they can ONLY do the dark stuff and the criticism without offering a balance of the good in the world. or we keep coming back to the FUCKING JOKER-
like yes they are vigilantes and with that comes a different level of their work, but their brand should be a mix between a black and white detective film that can get very nitty gritty and a classic spy movie, that kind of thing. at the end of the day, it's what makes them so different from the superheroes. that's what appeals to me.
seeing them in the big superhero groups is fun, don't get me wrong. it's always funny to see them standing next to people who are so powerful they never really fit in with anyone but each other, who chose to step up and use their powers for good. the Bats' specialty is Gotham and yet here they are stopping a god or whatever. and they do stop the god or whatever, all the while being an important leader and strategist to their teammates. they're important to have in these cases. but if there's a world ending event every time i pick something up, it's not as fun
the fact that they are so very human and not fantastical is why i like reading them. it's what makes the joke of people, even Gotham citizens, theorizing about them being cryptids, funny. they're fucking weird but that's because they're detectives. people who love to solve mysteries usually have a fatal flaw of curiosity. they forget the bounds between social interactions sometimes because they're used to working through problems or being intertwined with partners that understand them. but they're very much human. so human that it hurts them in many ways. and idk i've just been thinking about it lately and idk what point i'm trying to get across actually
it's just that in my eyes that's how it really is for Batman- a black and white movie narrated by a very serious man who took up a job to help people, one that has a deeper commentary on the world and viewed outwardly as pessimistic but actually has a deep hope for his city and who tries to help even the people who have wronged others. He's a stationary man in the belief that him being a constant can serve to soothe others and help them move forward. He stays in the middle of the path so he can tell everyone what is up ahead. he blends into the Gotham rainy night to serve justice but in a way that saves both the victim and the perpetrator. (the way he tucks a Robin into his cape is the same he does for Gotham with his mere presence.) and his background is actually so important to his story and yet people still somehow gloss over the lesson from it? he lost his parents because of a man who was on the opposite end of the spectrum to where he was in life. and yet he chose to help the people like the man that killed his parents. he could have done anything else with his power and money, but he instead is choosing to bring as many people up with him as he can. He's Mr. Serious that no one else can get a read on. and yet he walks into a room and he's already piecing together your life and what you're going through because he thinks it matters. he comforts people who have lost something or someone or themselves. I picture Batman and I don't picture a man trying to save the world, I picture a detective walking around a crime scene and trying to save at least one person every time he puts on the cape. and he put on the cape and became a vigilante because then he could go out of the bounds of what laws have been set up- and specifically, Gotham has other people in power who are corrupt, keeping the system that way. that's why Batman being a billionare and throwing himself into helping people at the risk of his own life is so important. he knows that if you are alive, you have something or someone to lose, no matter who you are. the dude is a bleeding heart but he doesn't know how to express it, in fear that if he gets too close, if he moves down the path with them, he'll be lost again
and then he's met with someone who should be a complete opposite, but isn't at all, because they're two sides of the same coin. his partner in crime, his son, a boy that is nothing like the black and white world that he sees. and that's the point in his life where he first sees that potentially getting lost is worth the risk. Robin is color and passion that needs guidance to move forward, but can not do so unless the stationary man learns to move with him. the kid is loud and reckless and you'd think he's from a different genre from the detective but they aren't so different, really. not when you look close enough. Dick grew up moving from place to place and seeing the world, knowing so many different people from different cultures. He's been learning to fly and jump and embrace the free fall his entire life. He's clever and he's sharp, and he thrives in the action and adventure. it's that perspective that compliments the stationary man. one is steady and the other pushes. he's the same genre but a different generation. and Batman introducing him to the way of life he chose for himself was another way he could save someone. because let's be real for a second? Dick would have gone down a very dark path had he not had Bruce, who understood, who saw not just himself in the kid but also saw who the kid has been his entire life until now. he saw Dick's parents, he saw the family he had in the circus, he saw the joy he had in what his family was doing. he saw the grief and the fire and the color that Dick's world was made of. because to Bruce, it always matters. Dick had to come to terms with Bruce's perspective to help anyone who they come across, to always give more chances, and it kept Dick from losing his color
what gets me is that the man who lives in the black and white world can actually see many different shades of gray (because black and white always needs the medium), whereas the boy in a world of color and light can get so focused on the bright that he can become single minded. and yet the boy sees a world of color and delves deeper into the lives of the peolle they come across and can be much more open minded, and the man in the black and white world sometimes forgets the shades of grey are right there. they are just like each other. they can exist without the other, but do they want to? because the black and white can be built up into the colored image, like the inking and shadows drawn on a comic book page before the colors are added in. they meet in the middle to complete each other. Bruce has been passing the story over to the next generation for a long, long time, even before his story was complete. and just like with the first Robin, it was so for every Robin afterwards. they each color in the lines differently, but that's what makes Robin so special, so unique. they are an art style that branches into their own life, but can not forget where they started: tucked into Batman's cape and the inky black of his world
and so detective work really frames their hunanity to me. the mysteries they get their hands on, the glimpses into the lives of Gotham citizens that they swore to protect, it's fascinating. it's what makes their story stand out compared to the people who can lift trucks or cast spells or run around the world in seconds. so yeah ig that's what i'm trying to say? that i want to read more of that? in both canon and fanon. cause even the small time villains we see can be like. AWFUL people and it takes out the fun of their gimmicks. and if it were any other day this would be a more coherent post but alas, it is not any other day
#tldr: we need more filler episodes#/hj but also /srs#erinwantstowrite#batfam#batfam fanfic#batman#batman comics#canon and fanon#in my eyes#bruce wayne#dick grayson#it's like that quote#“if you want to write about the impact if war you do not write from the government's perspective#you write about a little girl's shoe in the rubble of her home.“#the smallest stories can have the biggest impacts on us#gotham is so fucking weird and can be really silly#while also being so dark#and you can have the big stuff happen too#idk im just thinking today#this might not make complete sense#but it's things like that that make their rules make more sense#like no you don't come to gotham because you aren't one of us and you might misunderstand my people#you catch bad guys#we try to save them#also this did in fact give me and alighterwood an au idea#and im going fucking bonkers over that#so#yayyy
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Dang. Finn has been fully messed up since Jake died, hasn't he?
Like the way he's all "let's go on an adventure!!" and " it's no probs, I love fixing people :D" like s i r...
#fionna and cake#adventure time fionna and cake#finn mertens#finn the human#finn and jake#jake the dog#simon petrikov#adventure time#like damn#Obviously we knew he was NOT ok after Jake died (see: together again)-#-but BOY does it hits different seeing it actually play out#Bc obviously Finn is a lot younger when we see him than when he died so...#Poor guy honestly#Like he's acting all “:DDD” b he is so clearly running at top speed towards his problems hoping they'll take him down#his behavior actually parallels Fionna (which. Yeah that makes sense)#Very self destructive behavior#From both of them#(Finn going on more and more dangerous adventures and just being very reckless with himself)#(And Fionna quitting her jobs over the smallest things and stuff)
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i've been collecting funny script bits from knight rider for months now and i only just realized i should have been posting them.
season 2 episode 24 (big iron): kitt shenanigans and taking phrases too literally ♥
#knight rider#kr#liz blogs#kitt#michael knight#knight rider scripts#there's so much fun stuff in the scripts but i also have to suffer through pre-david changes where michael is a little meaner to kitt#for absolutely no good reason 😭#he has a lot of patience with him in the show its so strange to go to the script where he gets annoyed with him like a child over#the smallest little confusions#be nice to him he's like two years old. he's still learning. thats your fucking BUDDY
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Honestly kinda like when a fanfic writer clearly doesn't live at the place their fanfic is set, or hasn't done that specific thing the characters are doing. Like it's just the small little details that kinda make me smile.
Read a fanfic where the characters were dyeing their hair with box dye and it was so clear to me that the author hadn't actually ever dyed their hair as someone who does regularly. But they still wrote about it and it hardly ruined the emersion that it wasn't perfect to reality.
It just kinda made me smile when I picked up on the little things that I recognise someone who hasn't dyed their hair before would get wrong
#same goes for americans especially writing something set in England#i mean anyone who clearly doesnt live here#but americans specifically seem to be the most perplexed and confused about stuff we do differently to them#god knows i struggle with the smallest details on writing american characters over british#we swear so differently lmao#fanfics#ao3#fandom
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Not to self diagnose but. For a while I've been thinking that I may have something with rejection sensitive dysphoria going on that my previous therapist didn't catch on to. 😃👍
#cuz irl I cry over the smallest stuff u got no idea#my therapist told me that being a sensitive person it's fine and it's alright as long as I can emotionally regulate enough to allow#myself to cry until I'm out of an innapropiate situation to do it (like in front of random ppl lol)#but ma'am I think there's something deeper going on#my sister suggested I look for a different therapist (she doesn't think suddently crying all the time is normal an uh yeah maybe xDD)#and honestly yeah I did feel like it was kind of a waste of money lol but I'm too s h y so I'll just keep suffering 💋
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its been two days and my mom is already getting on my nerves. godbless i cannot wait until i move out🙏🏼
#z xarre#basically im like. sick. head hurts. low energy. hands hurt. theyre itchy. like im overall not doing great#EXCEPT that i dont look ill. so my mom gets MAD at me for the smallest things. like idk. BEING SICK#all i wanna do is rot in bed all day and my mom sends me death threats in her head. she doesnt voice them but i can feel them being sent#she cleans my room and i get mad bc shes moving my shit all over the place so i put the stuff back to where i had it#and she starts yelling at me. i tell her i have a headache and she keeps yelling at me.#she gets mad bc i dont wanna go outside and buy the bread today on the account of yknow. not feeling well. and she gets mad#this is no way to live ill tell yall that!
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if god was a minimalist we wouldn’t be here
#i don’t even believe in god#but my mother is setting up the christmas tree#she’s a catholic and the tree is the smallest one we’ve ever had#i collect lonely teacups at thrift shops and the shelf they’re on is right next to it#she knocked a jug over and rattled them while plugging it in and complained about there being so much stuff#basically i’m only complaining about my catholic minimalist mother being a hypocrite because she is both catholic and minimalist#i hâte minimalism so much#won’t even fit half the presents under there#minimalism#maximalism#catholicism#christmas
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i went to a con over the weekend and bought a bunch of stuff from a rock shop. love going to cons in this area bc it's like 25% fandom junk (and i dont rlly watch anime), 50% arts and crafts, and another 25% JUST for funko pops hdhfhd

already showed you Apple :]

also got this lil tree


some mushrooms to go with my bigger mushroom that i got at a different convention from different people jdgfkh


and... ROCK PIG !! he is wonderful and also very heavy

also bag update! got the heart pin at the con, everything else has just been added/moved/etc overtime lol. need to space it out better but im tired of stabbing myself so it's fine for now

also ark got me a beetle :D
#that is all i got at the con btw 😭#was hoping i'd see some splatoon stuff but this was the smallest con they've had yet#next con should be a bit more interesting#but i greatly enjoyed the rocks#i know ppl are wary of rock decorations like this bc they might be fake but#tbh i just like the way the look so i dont rlly care lmao#if my rock pig is actually made of Unknown Material that's okay 👍#the heart pin is the only one i didnt pick up at the rock booth#subtlest aro pin ever 👍👍👍 IM SO MAD THEY HAD A REALLY NICE RAINBOW PIN#BUT NO IM 23 AND STILL FORCED TO BE IN A GLASS CLOSET JHDKFJK#mom i know we both know can we just get it over with already 😭#also got to meet some exiled queer family down there and catch up talking YAYYYY their youngest added us on discord jdhdhk#it was so fucking refreshing. i thought the only other one in my family died... had no idea that was why we didnt talk to them anymore#anyways that's how my life has been sorry for the continued absence tjere's a lot hapwning rn 👍#and by a lot i mean nothing but i stay exhausted hdhfkj it's just been. [static] ya know#chat
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Slowly moving out means putting up the important stuff first
#I'm not moving until next year so I've got plenty of time to get stuff moved over#so I'm moving stuff smallest to largest#and I only have my car to move stuff in lol#but I've got a vacation coming up where I'm hoping to get a good couple of rounds of stuff moved
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posting art to tumblr is so depressing. I just scrolled thru my art tag and idc anymore I mostly draw with a pencil in my physical sketchbook that’s just for me now but it is kinda bleak when even my close friends who are in the fandoms I make art for can’t be bothered to reblog it when I do post stuff. like I’ve stopped having expectations for tumblr long ago that’s why this isn’t an art blog anymore I know I mostly post mid art for niche ass stuff and I’m not gonna get more than 40 notes for anything I post here but it is kind of demotivating sometimes when a friend you know loves the blorbo you drew and reblogs 17474673 posts about them every day just leaves a like on it lol
#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#this is not about my most recent post I know that fandom has literally no one except me lol#but an earlier post#it’s such a petty thing to feel bad over so I don’t. but like I hype them up on the smallest stuff they do ugh
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You keep changing your pfp, any reason why?
i like to change it periodically bc I hate not changing something every once in a while
but this time its an existential crisis, sorry 😔
#lol its just i hate stability or keeping stuff the same sometimes#i am a creature of change sorry#i am also a creature that has existential crises over the smallest things#like my name
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ur grading people and if they get an f theyre blocked? my main you aint a kindergarten teacher this is a microblogging platform
yeah, that's why there's that function called blocking! :) cuz this is a microblogging site! that's what microblogging platforms have! :) so you don't have to put up with people's shit! :) interesting that kindergarten teachers where you live are capable of blocking people in real life, hope you had fun with that
#spot says stuff#this is the INTERNET You are the one who curates your own fucking experience and if i dont like someones vibes or what theyre saying to me-#-they are going to get blocked! ''grading'' people??? its called judging people and having set boundaries and self respect#im not here to conform to strangers tastes n the need to Watch Me i dont care about that more than i care about myself#i am not a ''content creator'' i am not someone with some power like a ''kindergarten teacher'' i am a stranger to All of you and-#-just another tumblr user and i dont owe you fucking anything just like nobody Here owes me anything besides base respect#n base respect includes watching what you say to people. i dont have to put up with strangers faults. im holding everyone here accountable-#-for their actions and words because i believe that you are capable of being a good considerate human person n acting sensibly#what would happen if i blocked a person on Tumblr Dot Com. the goddamn apocalypse? please. blocking isnt controlling people around you-#-its Boundaries. you can get over some random bitch blocking you on the internet. its not my responsibility if someone decides that their-#-entire emotional wellbeing depends on a *Stranger*#i have P@NSEAR blocked cuz i just Dont like their content. if someone ''gets an F'' from me for behaviour then MAYBE theres a REASON?#''ur grading people'' goddammit man who Isnt judging the people around them and the interaction they have with them#HOW many times ive said ''feel free to block me!'' in a positive way cuz of smth as small as a too gorey design. what do u think-#-blocking is ysee??? ''you are acting entitled'' because i AM! i AM entitled to having a good comfortable experience on the INTERNET#just like ANY OF YOU. please anon! you dont like my way of treating myself on the Internet do just that! block me! i wont throw a fuss??#if Anyone here doesnt like the smallest aspect of me judge me. i invite you to. judge me and if that aspect is too loud for you Block me#to get along with this anons absolutely correct n in place anecdote: Grade Me. give me an F. boot me from the school whatever That means#keep yourself safe and make your experience on the internet comfortable#i cant tell if youre one of those dumb anon askers who r just lookin for attention or fight Or a reasonable person but heres my look at it#entertain it before you disregard it. got me pissed off from the moment i wake up u dont even know bout my whole blockin system dear god
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Me, cutting potatoes, radishes, and carrots, chanting quietly: stew stew stew stew stew stew stew stew stew ste-
My ancestors, a bunch of Scottish, German, Spanish, and Polish guys, a few Italians, and a single French woman, standing behind me like rap hype men: STEW STEW STEW STEW STEW STEW STEW ST-
#have i mentioned i love those posts that say ur ancestors are watching over you but they're actually HYPED for you over the smallest stuff#apersonwhotalks
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Taking people gently by the hand and explaining that capitalism or not, I still have a metaphorical wall in my brain that prevents me from communicating effectively with others the way everyone else does, I would still be overwhelmed by loud and repetitive noises and large crowds and strong scented perfumes, I would still have panic attacks and breakdowns because I can’t remember to do my own laundry or brush my teeth, there is no ideal system for the world to operate that will magically fix my brain and allow me to thrive, this is just how my brain is wired and I have to work with what I got.
#if I have to see another ice cold frozen ass take#that says people only get labeled neurodivergent or adhd or autistic because they can’t ✨thrive in a capitalist society✨#I’m going to start throwing rocks#I can’t thrive in ANY society Brenda my brain is constantly at war with itself over the smallest of things#*joker voice* society *end joker voice* only makes up like half my problems#the rest of my problems are the dishes piling up in my room and the laundry I keep forgetting to do#and my inability to even start doing things I actively enjoy#and I don’t want to hear your explanation as to how it’s still capitalism’s fault that I feel bad when dishes pile up in my room#/I/ don’t want dishes piled up in my room /I/ want a clean space /I/ want more room for my stuff#but no matter how badly I want something I have to win a game of 5D chess with my brain first#and I usually don’t win
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things Rooster Teeth said they're bringing back over the weekend and how surprised I am by it
RvB, final season (50/50, mostly surprised at the retconning it'll be doing. I'm interested in how they're gonna wrap it up)
Camp Camp (honestly thought it was dead in the water, surprised as hell)
On The Spot (New era of hell for Jon is coming)
A Simple Walk 2 [peggle 2 jump] (I'm MOST surprised at this. HELLO?)
#like i didn't go or anything but like i've been into rt for over 10 years at this point#im not into them like i was but im still half in there for a couple of things (F**K FACE/ANMA/the new itteration of the rt podcast)#despite having mixed feelings about the new format i adore the cast. may have the smallest little crush on armando he's like...#Ideal guy i am into#rooster teeth#okay simple walk wasn't an rtx thing it was apart of the 20 anniversary stuff#it happened at the same time so im counting it
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