#patch notes:

[sofqie]

tfw The Fog takes your gf

[prokopetz]

The fascinating thing about this particular patch note is that it implies the game engine is fully rendering your character's penis at all times, not just when you take your pants off.

[miiversian]

[iheartfurrympreg]

The Harbinger Of Death

watch out gem and joel

close ups under cut and analysis in tags ->

[henryscapon]

THE NEW KCD2 UPDATE?????????? IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND?????????????????

need to know who was fujoing tf out at warhorse and decided that:

1. the hansry kiss scene needed to be even HORNIER by adding more kissing noises and moaning. i genuinely cannot believe this. incredible patch. i am absolutely gobsmacked

and 2. SAMJOHN CANON??????? john wearing a matching ring with samuel's name engraved on it???????????? what could that possibly mean other than them being gay lovers like HELLO

the gays stay winning in the kcd fandom <3

[gin-juice-tonic]

Blog's going on Hiatus

Wanna take a break from this place for a little, I just haven't been feeling it lately. You might be able to catch me on my tapas account in the interim, though I don't necessarily guarantee that either.

Not sure how long I'll be gone. Probably not too long, knowing me. I'm not great at staying off this site. See you when I see you.

[darkwizardjamesmason]

Look outside got it's first patch and I didn't think a cosmic horror game would have such funny patch notes.

[maleficore]

Do you guys think Wyll sat him down and they had A Discussion or...

[filurig]

shapeshifting is something that a basilisk will nearly always seek to do in solitude.

an act which temporarily blinds and numbs the creature from the surrounding world - they will be left completely vulnerable to it. defenseless. frozen inside the shell of their old form as organs and cells rearrange.

to shapeshift in front of someone is, therefore, the ultimate show of trust that a basilisk can perform.

[great-and-small]

patch notes for EarthAnimals.v.12.09

Fixed male cat urethras to be less narrow (now 3.5x wider). Same correction made in male goats

Made alterations to equine cardiac sphincter- horses can now vomit

Scrapped french bulldogs and performed full overhaul of skeleton and soft tissue

Fixed panda GI tract and enabled diet options other than bamboo

Koala populations no longer dripping with chlamydia

Added 5,000 vaquitas to the Gulf of Mexico

Fixed cheetah coefficient of inbreeding. Note: organs can no longer be transplanted freely among population!

All dogs are now born with stomach tacked in place on body wall, preventing lethal twisting (gdv)

Fixed incorrect placement of legs in loons (they are now able to walk)

[silverveee]

‘You can now tell Johnny to go away’ Well, where is the ‘Sit on my lap’ option you cowards?

[prokopetz]

The idea that all life sims must have a very specific set of optional minigames isn't good for the genre, but it does lead to objectively funny situations where a game's promotional material is all about a cute witch searching for lost cats and its patch notes are all like:

increased death skull visibility radius in Fire Dungeon

[clouvu]

Tiny Groom is obsessed with giant Bride who's 2 times her size

[nebulatheundead]

So I can tell him to go away but I still can't smooch him? Cowards!

[warframestuff]

[henryscapon]

hans & henry: covered head to toe in human blood also hans & henry, looking at zizka's wounded eye: 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮