#perfectionism about matching the references

[sycamorality]

ive never had as much fun drawing as i am right now, unapologetically being bad at what i'm learning to draw and just learning by doing and trying to imitate what i've seen in life without ever using references

[byoldervine]

Types Of Writer’s Block (And How To Fix Them)

1. High inspiration, low motivation. You have so many ideas to write, but you just don’t have the motivation to actually get them down, and even if you can make yourself start writing it you’ll often find yourself getting distracted or disengaged in favour of imagining everything playing out

Try just bullet pointing the ideas you have instead of writing them properly, especially if you won’t remember it afterwards if you don’t. At least you’ll have the ideas ready to use when you have the motivation later on

2. Low inspiration, high motivation. You’re all prepared, you’re so pumped to write, you open your document aaaaand… three hours later, that cursor is still blinking at the top of a blank page

RIP pantsers but this is where plotting wins out; refer back to your plans and figure out where to go from here. You can also use your bullet points from the last point if this is applicable

3. No inspiration, no motivation. You don’t have any ideas, you don’t feel like writing, all in all everything is just sucky when you think about it

Make a deal with yourself; usually when I’m feeling this way I can tell myself “Okay, just write anyway for ten minutes and after that, if you really want to stop, you can stop” and then once my ten minutes is up I’ve often found my flow. Just remember that, if you still don’t want to keep writing after your ten minutes is up, don’t keep writing anyway and break your deal - it’ll be harder to make deals with yourself in future if your brain knows you don’t honour them

4. Can’t bridge the gap. When you’re stuck on this one sentence/paragraph that you just don’t know how to progress through. Until you figure it out, productivity has slowed to a halt

Mark it up, bullet point what you want to happen here, then move on. A lot of people don’t know how to keep writing after skipping a part because they don’t know exactly what happened to lead up to this moment - but you have a general idea just like you do for everything else you’re writing, and that’s enough. Just keep it generic and know you can go back to edit later, at the same time as when you’re filling in the blank. It’ll give editing you a clear purpose, if nothing else

5. Perfectionism and self-doubt. You don’t think your writing is perfect first time, so you struggle to accept that it’s anything better than a total failure. Whether or not you’re aware of the fact that this is an unrealistic standard makes no difference

Perfection is stagnant. If you write the perfect story, which would require you to turn a good story into something objective rather than subjective, then after that you’d never write again, because nothing will ever meet that standard again. That or you would only ever write the same kind of stories over and over, never growing or developing as a writer. If you’re looking back on your writing and saying ���This is so bad, I hate it”, that’s generally a good thing; it means you’ve grown and improved. Maybe your current writing isn’t bad, if just matched your skill level at the time, and since then you’re able to maintain a higher standard since you’ve learned more about your craft as time went on

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Tips: Prose

If you want to improve the quality of your writing, the best place to start is with the fundamentals. These valuable tips can help you learn how to write better and elevate your creative output.

Tips for Writing Engaging Prose

Use these writing tricks and tips to elevate your prose:

Don’t worry about your first draft. A lot of writers fall victim to writer’s block at the very beginning of a project. It can be hard to start writing when you’re staring at a blank page, not sure exactly where a piece will end up. At this early stage, it’s best to put aside perfectionism and just get your story idea down on paper. Start out by freewriting with a writing prompt or by building an outline. This can help you gain the confidence you need to complete a draft.

Cut the fluff. Editing can transform good writing into great writing. When editing, look for scenes that don’t advance the plot, overly long descriptions, and anything that won’t sustain a reader’s attention. Whether you’re working on short stories, business writing, content marketing, or nonfiction essays, try to match the word count of similar published pieces.

Rewrite, then rewrite again. Most great writers consider rewriting an integral part of the writing process. Writing a scene multiple times in different ways can help you distill these different attempts into the best writing you have to offer. Rewriting helps you work out any parts that don’t make sense or are illogical, which will help your writing sound smarter and more considered.

Read your work out loud. Reading your work out loud will almost certainly make you a better writer. Embarrassing as it may seem in the moment, speaking the words out loud is a great way to notice the rhythm of your sentences and catch any unintended repetition or awkward word choices.

Learn how to hook your readers. Your hook-writing style will depend on whether you’re a fiction writer working on a novel or a copywriter blogging for a company, but every good writer has a strategy for generating interest. Try starting your piece with an emotional scene or a surprising statement. The important thing is that your first sentence, scene, or page creates questions in your reader’s mind, encouraging them to keep reading. Beware of the obvious hook—spend time coming up with a thoughtful, unique hook that will make your writing sound smart, not gimmicky.

Write concisely. Short sentences with simple words tend to sound smarter than long sentences full of big words. You don’t have to sound like Ernest Hemingway, but you should try cutting unnecessary language from your text. Often, it will make your piece more concise and authoritative.

Use the active voice. When writing in the active voice, the subject of a sentence performs the action. Passive voice sentences contain subjects that are the object of the sentence’s verb. They are not the “doer” of the sentence; they are the recipient of an action. Sentences constructed with the active voice use fewer words and are easier to understand.

Source ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

[twistedwonderlandshenanigans]

"Gingerbread Houses" -HCs

Finals did not, in fact, kill me. Anyways, depending on how things go this may be my last real post of this year, so happy holidays and happy New Years if I don't see y'all til January ^^ --------------------------------------------------------

Heartslaybul

Riddle

He's never made a gingerbread house before OTL and his perfectionism will be his biggest pitfall. At least he's using Trey's cookies and icing so that it's not a matter of the quality of materials, but it's still something he's going to spend HOURS on, making sure every line is perfect and sharp. He's seen the sets before in stores, so he will pull up a reference photo on his phone to try and match the box as closely as possible. By the time he's finished, he's a mess. There is icing everywhere. He is ready to pass out. His hands hurt from piping. And he realizes too late he could have decorated the inside just for fun. He still enjoyed it, but he's going to aim for an easier design in coming years. He also only takes a few pieces of candy and a gingerbread man, before letting the first years eat it. (He got a picture before it was devoured though).

Trey

Oh he's so tired of baking. Are you kidding me. This time of year COULD be fun but he has finals on top of being resident big brother AND BAKER to a dorm just to go home and be Big Brother with his siblings. He's so tired. He will bake everything off for people after they submit what shapes they want/need for their creations and then while everyone is making their gingerbread creations he's going to his room and taking a fucking nap. Good for him. He'll munch on left overs if he feels like it, but he knows there's going to be mom and dad's baking at home so he'll just wait. Once he does go home though, it's a competition, half the family against the other half to make the largest, most impressive gingerbread creation. They may involve the community to vote on which one is better, and then they just let the elementary school kids in the area eat them both.

Cater

He buys one of the boxed ones just to put it together for the sake of social media. Makes it all cute and near perfect, it takes significantly less effort for him to do so than Riddle, mostly because he has some artistic background. He knows between that and Trey's baking, nobody is really going to want to eat it so he brings it to PMC for Lilia lmao. He already knows he's going to do the same thing again when he goes home, so his mom has something to post on social media.

Deuce

He's also never made a gingerbread house! His mom didn't have the means to buy all those ingredients or to buy a set she knew he wouldn't eat, so they always made stuff out of rice krispy treats. They're easier to mold into the shape you want anyways, especially when they're warm, so it prevented tantrums when he was younger too. He still does it, not just for traditions sake but because gingerbread just...isn't his favourite flavour.

Ace

Growing up, his mom was the only one really capable of cooking or baking, so when she passed (HC), his brother would just take him out to the dollarstore to buy a SHIT TON of different wafers and candies. They would make a candy wonderland of sorts before gorging themselves on their creations. Ace doesn't mind gingerbread all that much, but he likes how stable the wafers are in comparison when it comes to attaching them with icing. Sometimes he'll build a foundation with wafers and then attach the gingerbread to the wafers so it has something stable to lean against. It's really just an excuse to eat more candy. He also decorates the inside of his builds, usually using gummy bears as people. When he was a kid he used to bite off their heads and then scatter them around the build 💀

The rest are under the cut!!

Savannaclaw Leona

Could not give a flying rat's ass about gingerbread creations. The closest he gets is Cheka spamming his texts with pictures of his creation. Leona ends up paying Ruggie to make one so that he can send one pic back and the rugrat will stop bothering him 💀

Ruggie

They never really made anything like sculptures. Latino Ruggie is real in my heart, so Christmas time is when they would have saved up as much as they could to have a massive feast with the community. That being said, he can't exactly build with them but empanadas, you know the plantain ones with custard filling and a sugar coated outside??? Those ones? FUCK ton of those. Sometimes though, when Sam has leftovers in January of the kits, he'll take the kits back to the kiddos to enjoy.

Jack

Oh his family loooooves making gingerbread houses, the only rule is, no rectangles are allowed >:) (squares are technically a form of rectangle too) so every year his mom heads up the competition. Jack tries to help his younger siblings but he tends to break things by accident and they get mad at him lmao. He never makes a house himself, he just grazes on the candy, and eats his siblings houses after they've picked them clean of candy, leaving him with plenty of cookies to eat. His siblings also use a lot of coloured icing to decorate the "lawns" outside of their houses. (His mom always includes "ducks" on hers)

Octavinelle

Azul

Having been from under the sea, he hasn't made them before either, nor does he really want to. To me, he does not like the texture of icing. I think that would be gross to him. And why would he want to eat all that candy? He would rather go home and eat a dessert Nonna's whipped up, or even attempt to make cannoli's on his own. He may host a competition at the mostro lounge with a bring your own supplies event and whoever wins a competition gets free meal vouchers for a week.

Jade + Floyd

They also have not made gingerbread anything before, but wHEN they do. Jade meticulously puts his together, every detail, every drop of icing, everything is planned. He has a sketch he did in a planner next to him and he's GOING to replicate it. He's grumpy at Floyd because he's eating gingerbread over his shoulder and it's crumbling and falling onto his work space and into his shirt but if he acknowledges it he knows it's going to get worse. Floyd does not have the patience to put his together. He essentially makes it one giant cookie/poptart thing and layers candy on top. He does ask if he's allowed to break Jade's when he's done (they will brawl after when Jade says no and Azul has to rescue Jade's creation for the sake of keeping what little semblance of peace he has.)

Scarabia

Kalim

The concept is new to him but once he's introduced to it - he loves it. And not a surface is safe from flying icing. He wants icing in every single colour and all the candies from all over the world. He'll try dipping gingerbread in eggnog. These traditions aren't widely celebrated back home, so he's going to make the most of it while he's with friends! He ends up eating so much candy he throws up rainbows. Sorry.

Jamil

He has no interest. You thought Leona was disinterested? No, Jamil is. He'd rather be doing nearly anything else.

Pomefiore

Vil

When he was a kid, it was tradition for him and his dad to decorate lebkuchen together. He looks forward to it more than he'd care to admit, because it's the one constant date he knows both he and his dad work to ensure they have free. Neither of them are very GOOD at decorating, but it's more of an excuse to catch up with each other. The nostalgia also just generally helps Vil show a little more holiday spirit and loosen up a little bit.

Rook

:) He and his sister never really got those kinds of things, but they loved making paper snowflakes together.

Epel

He never had the patience for gingerbread houses when he was a kid, so his meemaw would only make gingerbread men for him while his parents built a house. He would squeeze icing bags so hard they popped, and layer on the subsequent icing in a thick, uneven swab to the point when he went to go eat it it made him sick. He loved it though. Nowadays he tries a lot harder to make them pretty just because he thinks it's a fun activity, like apple carving, where every little detail can make a huge difference on the overall composition. Meemaw's baking is peak, and not even Trey can beat it.

Ignihyde

Idia + Ortho

When they were kids, they loved the pomegranate smashing tradition their dad used to do. Their dad would also make kourabiedes - while not exactly ideal for building with, they were delicious. Instead of building things out of food, they would build a "karavaki" (wooden boat) out of scrap metal as a family instead and decorate it instead of a tree. It's been a long time since Mama and Papa Shroud have managed to convince Idia to celebrate...anything with them, but this year they started a new tradition with Ortho, with high hopes for years to come. This year, they designed and built a cat cafe gingerbread house, just for the fun of it, but there were still plenty of kourabiedes to go around. (Mama Shroud is NOT allowed in the kitchen but she would make little reindeer button cookies if she could. However, that is one field of chemistry she just can't seem to handle OTL)

Diasomnia

...uh

Diasomily

Because of Lilia's many travels, he picked up on different traditions and cultures over the years. As a result, every year (that they've all been together), they celebrate a different tradition from around the world. Yes they've made gingerbread houses before. Malleus has gargoyles on his. Lilia's is completely inedible. Silver has icing on half his face bc he passed out. Sebek essentially made a giant cookie-face of Malleus and got pissy when he ran out of black licorice to make his horns. They're so sillayyyy

------------- LMAO I lost the plot about half way through but we bring it back

anyways

@nemisisnemi @fluffle-writes @my-cursed-brain @distant-velleity @elenauaurs @lumdays @starry-night-rose @theleechyskrunkly

lmk if you want to be added/removed

happy holidays and please take a fat nap on my behalf at some point lmao

[finchfin]

7, 8 and 13 for the ask game pls c:

Thank you!!

7. How do you create/style your sims in CAS?

I go into CAS with a base idea of the kind of sim I want to make and very little else, or sometimes I want to base the sim around a specific clothing item. Even if it's the second option, I don't add that clothing item until after the first few steps below-I just kind of visualize it in my head and tweak things afterwards if needed. I like CAS and I can spend a lot of time there, but I get frustrated if I'm searching for a long time for the "perfect" skin detail or outfit, so I just choose the best option available to me even if it's not perfect.

The first thing I do after randomizing a sim and tweaking their genetics with presets/sliders is to choose a hairstyle. I take off any clothes so that I'm not distracted by the sims style randomization and go hunting for a perfect hair. It's the most important step for me because the hair really can tell a lot about the sims' self expression, and it's a major part of their silhouette. I also don't like to choose genetics/skin details bald cuz I often shape those around the hairstyle as well. Once I have a hairstyle I can tweak genetics more if needed to fit. Basically the hair sets the tone for the kind of sim I'm going to make, but it's not set in stone-if I need or want to change it later as a sim takes shape, I'm usually not set on just one hair.

After the hair I go into genetics/skin details and add those. Then outfits, then makeup, and so on. Basic CAS things. I like my sims to be maxis match with the townies, so I feel that I don't have a specific cartoony or recognizable sims style because that would require making over everyone else to fit that style and that is simply too much work for me. I do whatever makes me happy to play the game.

I choose names last, like most people (I think). This is the one thing I am incredibly specific with. For most other things I'm pretty chill, but I'm real picky about names. A lot of the time I will make a sim, close the game, then return to the sim over the course of days while I think about what to call them, lol. Sometimes it just clicks and it's the first thing I think of. It always depends, you know?

8. How do you build/design your sims’ homes?

I am not a "good" builder and I often don't enjoy it. It takes a long time and more often than not I just would rather be playing the game, editing posts, or in CAS. I stopped building for months because I didn't feel like it, and recently started liking it again. I'm going to try and build the pink gen house from scratch, which will be the first house I've built from scratch since Finch, I think? While I did do almost all of the building work on Phoenix's place (especially the renovated adult version), I used the shell of some shops by lilsimsie, so it wasn't completely my own.

When I do build my sims homes I look for some inspiration/reference photos and use those to visualize what I want. Most of the time though I just have a picture in my head and I'm working to reflect that on the screen-which doesn't always work bc again, I'm not the best builder. I don't like cluttering (controversial, I'm sorry), which makes a house feel more alive, so sometimes my builds are definitely a little empty feeling. It's important to me to have skillbuilding rooms because I love to grind out those skills in the sims. Bedrooms are my least favorite because they're so personal and I'm so specific with them, bathrooms and kitchens are my favorite. Basically when I play the sims I'm constantly fighting against my own perfectionism and build/buy really brings it out of me, which is why I avoid it a lot of the time.

13. How long have you been playing the Sims and how did you get into it?

My ex introduced me to the sims, lol. I started playing in late 2022 because they encouraged me to. They bought me my first packs-Cottage Living, Cats and Dogs, Seasons, Realm of Magic, Tiny Living, and the Blooming Rooms kit. My very first sim was a butch named Jesse Parker and they married Catarina Lynx from the cats and dogs pack. After I played with them for a while and decided I want to play more of the sims, I made Vivi and Ryan a few weeks later. And thus the Thayer legacy was born.

[doekitty]

It's taken me FAR too long, but I've finally finished proper reference pages for my main sona Doeveilra and her alternate versions! 💞

Doeveilra "doh∙eh∙vayl∙rah"

Doe has a quiet and reserved personality, mostly keeping to herself, although she does love to laugh and hang out with those she is close with. Emotionally, she is very subdued yet thoughtful, and always tries to be as caring, helpful, and polite as possible. She will always lend her ear to her friends in need, offering any advice she could give if they want, and a comforting distraction. Very introverted and has an interesting balance between silly and serious -- absolutely enjoys fun and peaceful moments.

She loves her mate Sparkfyre more than anything in the world! He is her protector and safe space, and brings her so much happiness! Laughing with him is honestly her favorite thing in all existence🩷

She has a small amount of magic that allows her to alter her size and switch to a feline, humanoid, or unicorn guise, as well as travel between worlds.

Doevriel is the unicorn guise of Doeveilra. She can exist as a general forest unicorn, or enter planes such as the universe of Equestria and gain a cutiemark. Her appearance will change slightly depending on what world she is in.

World travel

Doe uses her root-like horns to channel her magical energy into trees in order to create rifts that she can then use as interdimensional doorways, thus she typically emerges into a world from one of its forests. When transmitting energy, light emits from the core of her horns, visible through the cracks and grooves along their surface, and a matching light fills the tree beneath its bark, which then cracks open to reveal her newly created portal. After passing through, the bark closes back up and the light goes dark, returning the tree to its original state. She enters into a dimension from a tree in the same fashion.

Doe loves to exist as herself in different worlds that she enjoys, learning and experiencing them first hand, often with her partner Sparkfyre <3

Interests

♡ - Her Sparkfyre!<3, Drawing and crafting, plants and mushrooms, cats, warm rain, self care, Gfuel, video games, Runescape, WoW, Zelda, mood lights, nostalgia, in depth lore and worldbuilding, plushies and blankets

✕ - Coffee/tea, potatoes and beans, her own perfectionism, having her face touched, being without a "home base", heat, spicy foods, bright lights, urgency

❀ Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Emetophobia, Agoraphobia ❀ Finds everything about nature, plants, and fungi very fascinating! ❀ Legend of Zelda fanatic ❀ Loves and prioritizes self care ❀ Tidies a bit obsessively

[vouam]

Hi, I read a post you made and was curious, could you please expand on what you meant by this :

"I knew the world would be a better place with gender abolition rather than gender liberation. I came to the realisation that gender ideology enforces the socialised gender binary that was designed to oppress women."

What do you mean when you say the gender binary, like what specific ideas or examples illustrate the term "gender binary" in the context of an oppressive system meant to control for others' benefit regardless of the controlled people's wellbeing and best interest? Curious too what's the most important differences you see between gender liberation and abolition?

I'm not sure if I'm a gender abolitionist, don't know enough about it yet. As a woman I'm personally motivated in advocating for women, making shame for feminine/female stereotypes irrelevant or people being immune to it's effects. As a human being I'm invested in removing oppressive systems from everyone though I normally look at it from a stress/poverty perspective instead of gender, race etc. In any case I think huge cultural shifts take a long time and go through a lot of awkward phases as a normal part of the culture shifting and evolving into something healthy. I think it takes a lot of patience and making sure to bask in lovely things and not press too hard for perfectionism over progress. I admire that you care about these topics and are taking steps to be verbal about advocating for yourself and all women in general.

Thank you for your question!

So when I refer to gender ideology and the gender binary, I’m talking about socialised gender. Basically the gender roles associated with male and female (stereotypes that have been developed over thousands of years that generally favour men as strong leaders and intelligent while women are domestic, submissive etc.) Socialised gender is also referred to by transgender people when they are asked what gender means/what they define gender as. They say this because obviously they cannot say a woman is an adult human female, because then being trans wouldn’t be a thing. They constantly refer to this idea that sex and gender are different - where sex is biological and gender is social (ie gender roles)

This is the main basis of the gender liberation movement. Conservatives say that your gender role should match your biological sex, whereas the gender liberation movement says that regardless of your biology - you can be whatever gender you want because it’s a social thing.

I, as a gender abolitionist, see a lot of flaws in this movement. Because it thrives on the idea that social gender should exist. They acknowledge that there is a social difference between a man and a woman, that if you feel socially like a woman when you’re biologically male - that makes you a woman.

I think its misogynistic and confusing to label ‘woman’ and ‘man’ as a set of social roles/feelings/identity. It implies people who don’t conform to those ideas are no longer women/men, it implies that female oppression was based from an identity rather than our biology. It also implies that women and men are perfect social fits to their gender and that if you don’t match that, or aren’t comfortable with that, you’re non binary. Like what 😭 Especially when the ‘gender role’ of women is insulting and degrading NO woman feels fully comfortable being expected to act that way.

As a gender abolitionist I genuinely believe society would be better off without the idea of social gender. That man/woman refers to someone’s biology but you can still act/dress/present as however you want. Nothing would be considered masculine or feminine such as fashion, personality traits etc. And we can all just live freely without expectations to fit into a social role. In a gender abolitionist society, no one would be transgender, because gender would only refer to biology. Just as someone cannot be trans blue eyed, or trans racial. Instead, you could still present however you want, but you would not refer to yourself as ‘woman/man’ because you look or act a certain way.

Hope that all makes sense and lmk if you have any more questions!

[mediaevalmusereads]

Worlds of Ink and Shadow. By Lena Coakley. Harper Collins, 2016.

Rating: 4.5/5 stars

Genre: historical fantasy

Series: N/A

Summary: Charlotte, Branwell, Emily, and Anne. The Brontë siblings have always been close. After all, nothing can unite four siblings quite like life in an isolated parsonage on the moors. Their vivid imaginations lend them escape from their strict, spartan upbringing, actually transporting them into their created worlds: the glittering Verdopolis and the romantic and melancholy Gondal. But at what price? As Branwell begins to slip into madness and the sisters feel their real lives slipping away, they must weigh the cost of their powerful imaginations, even as their characters—the brooding Rogue and dashing Duke of Zamorna—refuse to let them go.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: suicide, child death, underage drinking, violence, child abuse

OVERVIEW: I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this book. Earlier this year, I read The Glasstown Game and expected something similar - a whimsical look at the stories from the Brontes' youth. What I got was a fascinating exploration of grief, writing, and escapism founded on very strong sibling relationships. It was excellent, and I'm still thinking about all the messages and themes woven into the story.

WRITING: Coakley's prose is very well-balanced. I think the author knows when to tell versus show and how to create an evocative scene without overloading the reader with details. The prose is also very clean and moves at a very deliberate pace. I found that I never felt rushed or that I was slogging through a scene.

I also really appreciated the references to the Brontes' works. Not only does Coakley play with the stories from the Brontes' youth, but there are little references to Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights and so on, sprinkled throughout the story. I loved that they were little Easter eggs and blended quite naturally with the story. I never felt like Coakley was going out of her way just to make a reference.

PLOT: The plot of this book follows the four Bronte siblings as they explore their fictional world of Verdopolis. Charlotte and Branwell have the mysterious ability to "cross over" into this world, shaping it to their will and pushing characters to act in ways that advance a plot. When Charlotte promises her father to stop writing silly stories, however, the Brontes soon learn that no matter what they do, their world is not done with them and in fact bleeds over to reality in quite frightening ways.

What I loved about this plot was that it was much more than just a fantastical story about the Brontes. Verdopolis itself wasn't so much the star of the show; instead, the ability to shape Verdopolis and its inhabitants at will was a compelling meditation on things like authorship and escapism. It meant that this book felt less like a fantasy and more like fantasy was being used to explore the psyche of the Bronte children - psyches that contained much pain and darkness, buried under a veneer of perfectionism. It was utterly fascinating.

CHARACTERS: I really loved the way Coakley wrote the Bronte siblings. Not only did they each feel unique with their own strengths and insecurities, but the relationship between them felt like a loving one, built on shared experiences and interests.

I found each sibling's insecurities to be compelling in and of themselves. Charlotte, for example, always disguises herself as a young boy and gives her heroes perfect love interests - all because she struggles to admit that the story she truly wants to write is one in which a plain person like herself can be a match for a handsome, rich person. Branwell struggles with the expectations of being the only boy and with the belief that Charlotte is much more clever and talented than he is. Emily is incredibly passionate and has dark interests that she struggles to contain, while Anne is level-headed and rational, yet struggles to overcome her shyness.

The citizens of Verdopolis were likewise fairly complex, though not so much so that they overshadowed the Brontes. I liked that they were used to showcase the childrens' buried truths and subconscious thoughts, and I don't think they needed to be centered any more than they were.

TL;DR: Worlds of Ink and Shadow is a fascinating look at the Bronte siblings, using the fictional world of Verdopolis to explore things such as grief, trauma, authorship, and escapism.

[cambriancrew]

Genuine question, with so much childhood trauma how can you be sure you're endogenic? Not doubting you or anything, just curious how you know for sure

Brace yourself, this is kinda long.

For starters, we Willows don't fit any of the trauma models. None of us are Apparently Normal Parts or Emotional Parts, though each of us HAVE an ANP and an EP. (We have C-PTSD, so that tracks.) And while we have issues with disorganized attachment, it's not like one of us is secure and another is avoidant - all of us shared the same issues with attachment when we were younger and now we're all pretty secure, and still plural.

As a child, one of our most common punishments, in conjunction with physical and verbal abuse, was to sit on our bed and think about what's wrong with us. We spent literally hundreds of hours, maybe even thousands, doing just that. We poured over memories. We argued with each other about which of us was to blame for us being in trouble. And over time we eventually recognized that there wasn't anything wrong with us. And that our plurality was because of our innate differences in values and perspectives and our opportunities to grow independently of each other, and our innate stubborn independence (which admittedly was made stronger by trauma, but existed independently of that trauma as an innate trait we all share.) We still thought of ourselves as parts of the same person, and thought everyone had independent parts like us. But we knew it wasn't that we were made to be the way we are due to trauma. We ourselves are responsible for our plurality.

And even if us Willows were traumagenic, we still have the other eight members of our system who are parogens or soulbonds or both, depending on which of us you ask. We clearly remember sitting down and creating or connecting with Jas at 15. We remember her creating Varyn around 19. We used to have all of our notebooks with Jas and us Willow writing back and forth. (Those notebooks were lost in a storage unit that got everything in it sold or thrown away due to an issue with payment - they kept sending the bill to our old address even though we asked them to change it several times. Without the bill we forgot to pay it, and it got emptied. We sometimes refer to this as the Great Storage Unit Disaster, or Fiasco. We lost a lot of really important stuff. ☹️)

At the end of the day, we're all of us Crew affected by our trauma history. But none of us are a reaction to that trauma. None of us hold any of it more strongly than any of the others. Our different responses to it are related to our innate characteristics — Crystal has more perfectionism and, accordingly, self-directed negative emotions due to her values, for instance, and Shiloh being the peace lover that they are is very conflict avoidant — not due to any of us being formed as a response to a traumatic event.

We have sometimes wondered if we were each of us made from conflicting rules and expectations from our tumultuous history as a young child being shuffled from family member to family member until our dad got his shit together and married our stepmom who he's been with ever since when we were 6. But we know who we were with, and none of that really tracks. Crystal's highest value being truth and knowing things was present before we started school, and almost every household we were in emphasized us learning our letters and numbers and things about our early childhood religion and other things like that. Shiloh's highest value being peace was present very early and similarly doesn't match up with one place either. My (Sunni) highest value being living in the moment also doesn't match up. Anna's protectiveness/Mama Bear tendencies could maybe be traced to the household we briefly lived in when our dad married the stepwitch between our biomom and our stepmom. But we don't feel that was the reason she came to be who she was, just the first place we remember her being able to express that, and that place held a very minimal expression — our younger half brother was spoiled and protected by the stepwitch over us Willow so there wasn't really much opportunity for Anna to be protective of anyone. She didn't really have the opportunity to be a Mama Bear until our baby sister was born when we were 9, and she has existed since we were at least 4.

And one of the biggest issues with that theory is that we Willows are literally inseparable. If we were created to fit different household rules and expectations, us four always being together and able to effortlessly communicate with each other doesn't really make sense. And again, even if we were traumagenic, the rest of our system definitely is not.

Hope that helps explain it.

[n0ts0phism-art]

Here is that one character I alluded to in my last post, and boy, do I have quite a history with her. I’ll be upfront before the break: I do not look back on her fondly, but there might be some useful lessons to derive from my ramblings, so read on if you’re interested.

Matrona is someone I conceived in my adolescence around 2014 or so. She was the lead protagonist of that old story concept I had, and the other characters you see with her were also a part of it. However, she completely lacked direction on a fundamental level; I had come to this conclusion about her story in general and even scrapped it alongside the other characters you see alongside her. Not wanting to get rid of everything, however, I persistently tried reinventing Matrona and tweaking her design bit by bit, which culminated in an unhealthy obsession with her in 2021.

Around the time I decided to keep working on Matrona, I also adopted a new semi-lineless art style, akin to Samurai Jack. At first, I found it pretty fun to do, and Matrona translated into it pretty well... However, what I didn't account for was how I was deriving the wrong lessons from the style. It is inherently simple and relies heavily on shape language to keep itself interesting, but my iteration of the style focused strictly on simplicity without any flavor to back it up.

But when it came to Matrona's art pieces, I developed a serious issue: perfectionism. If I was even a mere pixel was off, I would force myself to go back and fix my error. I accepted no semblance of imperfection with this design--to the point where I made upwards of one hundred iterations of the same godforsaken model sheet throughout the year. Mind you, this is just what I remember offhand. Each time, I would spend an unhealthy amount of time at night chipping away at the design until it developed into something I thought I would enjoy...

When I said my art became oversimplified for a time, this is what I was referring to. Matrona is the culmination of my greatest sins as an artist, especially as her pieces became nearly my entire output during 2021. This isn't even all of the artwork; I'm keeping one private as it is a fan art piece for someone I no longer associate with. Regardless, there is more than enough here to illustrate my main point: all of these issues led to a design so diluted that it didn't even match up with the characterization I settled on. In fact, there was so very little to gravitate to visually; all one could say about her was that she was blue, dressed in pink, and was a happy artist.

January of 2022 rolled around, and after completing the final iteration of Matrona's model sheet, I had to sit down. I realized I refused to let her go and let myself grow as an artist--and, dare I say, as a person. I needed to get rid of her, and that's exactly what I did.

Shortly after, I developed Alma Valentine, the first original character I am proud of making. She started as a Wario-like exaggeration of Matrona and gradually evolved into her own person--and I couldn't be happier. She is someone who I find has a lot of potential for art and stories to come.

I think distancing myself from Matrona for a time was necessary, but I needed to confront the idea one final time to make peace with the fact I don't need her anymore. She was a toxic friend masquerading as a precious cinnamon roll, and it is unbelievably cathartic to give her the dressing-down she's deserved for so long. But I don't want to dwell on the negatives of my past for too long, so my next post shall contain some of the old art I'm actually proud of making. I shall see you all soon.

[zablife]

Hi, Lee!! ❤️❤️

I'm glad your request are open! Not a prompt per se, but your knowledge.

When the girls asked you about their characters' zodiac sign, I didn't because I didn't decided mine. But weeks later, among the finished fics I have, there's one where I wrote that Rose is 87 days older than Alfie. If I use Tom H's birthday as reference. Then, Alfie born in September 15, and Rose born in June 20. What can you tell me about them?

Tysm for the ask, Flor! I love giving insight into characters based on their zodiac signs bc I think it can tell you loads about them. And what an amazing coincidence we have here. My OC, Aurora’s birthday is 20 June as well! I hope you don’t mind I’ve used her analysis here bc the truth is, the deeply embedded traits of their sign don’t change. It's interesting to note how their surroundings and choice of partner drastically alter their paths tho!

Rose’s birthday makes her a Gemini/Cancer cusp (I'll explain that in a bit.) Gemini is an air sign represented by twins. While her enemies might see her as "two faced," always concealing a hidden agenda, she's actually quite versatile as she's able to see an issue from both sides at once. As an air sign, she's clever and curious as well as extremely communicative.

Being born on the cusp of Cancer makes it easy for her to express her emotions well and she knows what she wants. Always sensitive to the needs of others, she can also pinpoint what her opponent desires and negotiate to that end. She's a social butterfly who gets on with anyone and tends to forgive those who have wronged her (tho she won't easily forget).

As for Alfie, his birthday of 15 September makes him a Virgo. This is an earth sign which means he is practical and hard working. Virgos are known for observant, sharp minds that solve problems easily. This would explain Alfie's excellent negotiating skills. However, this methodical way of thinking can be exacting to the point of madness, his perfectionism driving him to stubborn disagreeableness at times.

Compatibility: Some will say that air and earth, esp Virgo x Gemini, should not make a match bc a dreamer and a realist cannot work. However, I find it interesting that both Virgo and Gemini are ruled by Mercury, the planet in charge of communication. Perhaps this explains why Rose and Alfie can express themselves so openly and honestly with each other, even in times of conflict. I think this is why they're able to work together so successfully toward shared goals.

[honshew]

honest and vulnerable moment: i haven’t unlearned perfectionism as much as i’d like to think i have. i stopped in my adventures in acrylic gouache a few months ago bc i was discouraged by how hard it is to mix colors. none of the paintings in my workbook match the colors in the references!!! so after like, 3 tries, somewhere in my brain i was like i don’t want to waste my expensive paint by doing shitty paintings, and instead i didn’t paint at all, like that made any sense.

anyway, i’m trying again and the color mixing is still hard but i’m not going to give myself a hard time about not immediately mastering smth people spend a long time practicing. i think it looks okay even tho it’s not what the reference looks like.

[sp-by-april]

Aaaand here are the girls bios : SPRKLS 💖 (in reference of the Pleases and Sparkles Club!) :

Wendy – The Architect of Harmony

Wendy has always been the one with a plan. She’s sharp, strong-willed, and always five steps ahead, which is why she naturally became the group’s strategist, and its voice. From the beginning, she’s carried the weight of keeping things together, both on stage and off. Her perfectionism pushes her to aim higher and work harder than anyone else, but it also leaves her emotionally drained, often forcing her to set aside her feelings just to keep things moving. Deep down, Wendy knows there are cracks in the group dynamic, but she clings to the idea that if she just tries hard enough, she can fix everything,or she just delegates the task to Bebe, for better or for worse...

Her voice has that clear, strong, and confident tone : her singing would be purposeful and direct, with a slight edge. It’s still smooth, polished quality with a bit of warmth but always controlled and professional.

She found success with the group before MOOP ever took off, which meant she was already navigating fame by the time Stan and the others were just getting started. Her on-again, off-again relationship with Stan ran parallel to their careers for a while, but by the time things fell apart for good, she was already too deep into her own world to process it properly. Now that Cartman’s stepping in as manager after Nichole’s departure, Wendy’s doing everything she can to stay in control ; of the group, of her image, of her sanity. But the truth is, she’s terrified of losing her sense of self to an industry that chews people up and spits them out. And yet, she keeps pushing forward. Because if she doesn’t, who will?

Bebe – The Darling with an Edge

Bebe is the kind of person who lights up every room without even trying. Confident, charming, and instantly likable, she’s the group’s most visible member, people love her, and she knows how to use that. 

Bebe’s voice would be bright, energetic, and full of life. She has that classic pop star vibrancy, with a bubbly tone matching her confident and outgoing personality. It as a slight rasp to it, giving her a bit of a sultry edge, but still playful and fun, it can go from sweet to fiery in an instant.

But under all that shine is someone who really cares, sometimes too much. She co-leads the group with Wendy, and she’s in charge of everything emotional. Bebe wants the sisterhood in the group to feel real, not just for show. She thrives on connection and loyalty, and when those things start to crack, it hits her hard.

Nichole leaving was something Bebe didn’t see coming, and she’s still trying to wrap her head around it. She misses her, sure, but more than that, she’s frustrated. Every time she tries to fix things, it feels like Nichole pulls further away, and it’s left Bebe quietly stewing in emotions she doesn’t really know how to deal with. She sided with Heidi at first because it felt like the stable choice, and because Heidi stayed. But there’s a part of her that still wonders what really went wrong. Bebe can be shady when she’s hurt, even just mean, but it’s never out of real malice. She’s protective, of the group, of herself, of the idea that they’re stronger together. Even when she doubts it, she wants to believe it’s still true.

Nichole – The Sweet Storm in Motion

Nichole didn’t leave the group on a whim. It was a hard choice, her decision was careful, necessary, and quietly brave. She knew it would shake things up, and she hated hurting anyone, but she also knew she needed to put herself first for once. As much as she loved what they’d built together, the group’s musical direction no longer reflected her voice or the kind of artist she wanted to become. And deeper than that, she realized just how fragile her image was the moment she dared to express her real feelings.

Nichole is excited but anxious about the tour, knowing it’s a pivotal moment for her career. With performances, award shows, interviews, and the deluxe album release all happening at once, she hopes it all clicks. Still, she’s grateful to be surrounded by the best in the industry : Craig, Tolkien, Clyde, the OC Crew…and even Kyle from MOOP, who’s closed off at the start of the tour. Nichole is determined to break through his shell, though.

Her solo era isn’t a rebellion, it’s an exploration. She wants her audience to see her whole self: clever, mischievous, confident, sweet and vulnerable all at once, not just one thing or another. Since going solo, Nichole’s been focused on rediscovering her sound and building a career that’s truly hers. 

She’s sweet and grounded, loved by her peers for her personality and her talent, even though she can be stubborn even with the best interests at heart.

Her voice draws people in : ethereal, rich warm and smooth. She’s also a neat songwriter. For a while, her style had to fit into the group’s bigger picture, but now, she’s finally getting the space to figure out what her sound really is.

Nichole might seem calm and composed, but there’s fire in her. She knows who she is now, and she’s not turning back. 

Heidi – The Quiet Perfectionist 

Heidi is sweet, soft-spoken, and always trying to do the right thing. Her voice would be soft with a slightly breathy quality. It has a vulnerable tone, and might feel delicate. There’s a warmth to her voice that evokes both softness and power, depending on the song. She’d be the type to convey deep emotion in her singing, but it can take her some time to really let loose and show that raw side. 

She’s the kind of person who feels things deeply but doesn’t always know how to express them, especially when she’s overwhelmed. And in this group? She’s overwhelmed a lot. Heidi wants everything to be organized, polished, and under control, because the thought of failure, or even criticism, makes her spiral. She holds herself to impossible standards and sometimes ends up projecting that onto the people around her.

She’s never had major conflict with the others, not really, but her need to keep everything just so can be exhausting. With Nichole, it got complicated. When Nichole tried to speak up about things that bothered her, Heidi didn’t react well, not out of spite, but out of fear. She panicked, and in doing so, accidentally made things worse. She didn’t mean to play into stereotypes or cause harm, but by trying to protect the group’s image, she ignored what Nichole was really saying. It’s something she still hasn’t fully come to terms with. Her dynamic with Red is the most awkward, since they used to be a sort of thin, there’s history there, some of it unresolved. Heidi wants peace, she wants harmony, but her need for control often gets in the way of truly achieving either.

Red – The Cool Head in a Hot Mess

Red has never been the type to play by the rules. She’s blunt, sarcastic, and totally unapologetic about who she is. Out of all the girls, she’s the one least interested in the spotlight and the drama, though she somehow always ends up in the middle of it anyway. She’s fiercely independent, and even though she’s part of the group, she’s not afraid to push back when something doesn’t sit right with her. Red doesn’t sugarcoat anything, but she’s also not cold, she just doesn’t believe in faking it for the cameras.

Her voice is bold and edgy, with a cool, slightly husky quality to it. Not overly polished, but very authentic and raw. She might not have the typical pop sound, but instead brings a more indie vibe. Her tone is full of attitude, with a bit of grit, but still capable of showing vulnerability when needed.

She and Nichole had one of the strongest friendships in the group, and her leaving hit Red harder than she let on. For a minute, Red considered leaving too, but in the end, she stayed because she still believes in what they built, even if it’s messy. Her relationship with Heidi is tense, mostly because of their past. They were in a sort of situationship once, and while they’ve managed to keep things civil, the vibe between them is… complicated. Red sees through a lot of the group’s BS and isn’t afraid to call it out. She's the one who reminds the others who they were before the industry got involved, and maybe, who they still could be if they stopped pretending everything was fine.

Apparently tonight is Ladies Night! 💖

[vulturewizard]

Every so often I go on the internet to look up anxiety, depression, and the like & almost every time I come across symptoms that match up with OCD or general anxiety.

EDIT: looking back at my side blog posts, this contributes to that theory

EDIT: no one looks at this blog anyway ; here are my perceived symptoms I’ve noticed over time and have had varying degrees of intensity over the years:

-Fear of coming into contact with perceived contaminated substances, such as germs or dirt (this was worst when I was a teenager; likely developed my eczema on my hands cause of it)

- Unwanted thoughts or mental images related to sex, was worst when I was a teenager

- Fear of making a mistake, was worst when I was a teenager, still happens occasionally

- Feelings of doubt; persisted throughout adolescence and contributed to loss of religion in early adulthood

- Need for constant reassurance; need to know if I’m doing things right but if it’s positive compliments about myself, I don’t believe/take it to heart sometimes

- Bathing, cleaning or washing your hands over and over; since being told kindly by 3 coworkers last year that I smell, I have kicked this into higher gear but also cause of an bill incident last winter I am anxious on using too much water and so end up taking sponge baths on a regular basis

- Rituals related to numbers, such as counting, doing a task a specific amount of times, or excessively preferring or avoiding certain numbers; not fully in tune with the number part but since getting wind-chimes, I ring them when I leave the house and when I get back because it reminds me of my grandma and also cause I have a inkling that if I don’t then that may be the slimmest chance that my grandma dies that day

- Saying certain words or prayers while doing unrelated tasks; not sure if I understand this bit fully but over the past year I have started and continued to utter the phrase “stab me” when I get stressed and upset with myself, and in the past and possibly as a precursor when I was still religious and was experiencing unwanted thoughts or crisis of faith I would imagine curved blades curving through my stomach and erupting from my skin like ribs

- “Try not to seek reassurance — It may seem natural to ask for reassurance from others or try to reassure yourself. However, the reality is, reassuring yourself or doing what’s known as reassurance-seeking, is just another compulsion that’s associated with OCD” ; well fuck me

- “Focus on letting go of perfectionism”; this has actually helped significantly over the years

- “OCD symptoms may be reduced but rarely ever go away.”

EDIT:

- “A person may question himself whether he is really concentrating during a prayer, if his faith in God is strong enough…”; you are fucking kidding me!

- “Sometimes a person may start avoiding the place of worship as he feel unworthy of being there, or because his intrusive thoughts may increase when he attends the service….”; aghhhhhhhh

- “Or, a mom would spend hours checking and decontaminating the food before cooking for her kids but will let the kids eat the non-decontaminated food that their dad cooked as long as the mom wasn’t present during that cooking time. This is why I’m referring to this OCD type as responsibility-related. These individuals can’t tolerate the thought of being responsible for causing a disaster.”

- “Constant questioning of self-judgment”

- “People with OCD consistently report that change of any kind, even positive change can be experienced as stressful”

[chirpycreations]

Oh my gosh, thank you so much! I've never seen that last one before.

Now, THAT is an interesting response, especially when you take into account that Sawyer earlier described White as 'driven'.

If you google the meaning of driven, and then people with that personality type, it comes back to people who are goal orientated, determined and have a clear vision of what they want to accomplish.

So the fact Sawyers says there was no vision is just fascinating, and makes you wonder what White's goals for being in the company & working on this project was?

Obviously he had to have one (especially with a driven personality type), but whatever it was, Sawyers couldn't comprehend it, because if he could, with how bitter he is towards White, he would have told us and mocked him. 'There was no vision' could be interpreted as mocking, but I think if it was intended that way, Sawyer would have worded it different, more curely like, 'There might as well have been no vision', sort of thing.

We know White's vision/motivation can't be something like Sawyers, with wanting to achieve progress for the hell of it, or White would have been thrown out the YGP too (, and if he was, him and Sawyers likely would have been significantly closer with similar POVs towards science & innovation).

Interestingly, tho, Sawyers in the Warden Office tape says:

Personal agendas have long been the downfall of this company

So perhaps, when he says White had no vision, it's in regard of the company, and whatever he'd been up to in the last year was working towards his own agenda.

ANYWAY! I had another thought relating to the driven stuff.

A lot of the other descriptors for driven could also work for Sawyer with stuff like, big ambitions, resilient, competitive, motivated, perfectionism, impatient, harsh self-critic (or maybe of other people not meeting Harley's HIGH standards...).

These two actually could be VERY similar, which might explain why Leith thought turning Harley into 1354 would be fine: because White seemed like an adequate replacement.

Similar people either clash, or get on well, because they see the world similarly. I'm inclined to think they got on well enough, going off of how hurt Sawyers sounded in the 'Experiment 1354' tape. He sounded genuinely shocked to hear White, shocked and hurt, but his voice lacked the venom you hear him give Leith when he makes his presence known.

He didn't hate White right there at that moment (, BEFORE all these bad memories happened). Him immediately jumping to ask:

Who gave you the order?

Shows he didn't believe White did it to him out of his own choosing, possibly implying White be a sort of ally he could trust, because why else would he sound THAT hurt. Because he trusted White.

There's an email where Sawyer says he can't trust anyone but himself, and I think him being turned into 1354 was the final straw.

That or White being easy to push & ordered around (which could be what their relationship was) was why he knew White can't have been conspiring to do this behind his back, he doesn't have the spin for it (, again, going back to that, White being easy to push around idea).

I really do like the idea of Sawyer having trusted White (man, I can have SO much fun in my fanfics with how that could go back to their time together in the YGP, but um... this isn't the place for fanfics, lol).

WHITE'S PERSONALITY

Now, my fellow Bruno lover, I made the greatest discovery ever while looking for that note Eddie wrote to White to reference for this.

I'm 99% sure, no, I'M SURE, all of these 3 notes are written by White. The handwriting, how the letters are styled and placed, they all match that one letter that was used in the ARG to crack White's password (which we know was written by him):

*ARG-Photoscan04

*The sandwich note

*secondary lab instructions

And these three together tell you a LOT about him if we go reading between the lines.

The sandwich note, him saying:

I really might just kill you. Hah

Sounds like he was writing his threat off as a joke. The whole letter reads like the writer is quite friendly and jokey, not so serious and uptight.

eg. 'One bad pickle away from blowing the whole place-'

The whole, 'One bad day' repeating thing seems like something White repeats a lot. So he must have spent a lot of time with Sawyers for it to get this ingrained in his head. Also, how Sawyer's says White's always throwing his words back at him, might be him not understanding it's White's way of lighting the mood with jokes. Sawyers just saw him as childish.

This combined with the photo scan and him saying:

"One bad day, am I right?" The others would

Makes me think that maybe it was him AND Sawyers making the BBI program work together. Sawyers had the leadership & stern strictness required to keeping it running like a tight ship, while White kept morale up among the other scientists, because frankly... what they're doing... experimenting on kids... it's really dark. I know I joked else where Playtime Co is a magnet for the worst kinds of people in society, but not everyone there is a sociopath like Sawyers. I think their work genuinely took a toll on the scientists wellbeing and mental state, and White is using humour to help everyone cope with the reality of what they're doing. Like how Stella tries to justify to herself (and Leith) that what they're doing is for the greater good.

White even says this himself in the sanwhich note:

gotta make some jokes and take some jokes to keep .... place

White is the social one able to socialise and connect with people and the other scientists (, something we see Sawyers can't do, neither cares to do). Something like BBI is a group effort, not a one-man show, so I think it took their combined effort to make stuff, work, which is why when one of them (sawyers) is partially removed from the equation, the whole project falls to ruins.

Secondary lab instructions

This one is a little weaker on what we can get from White's personality on it, but I thought it was worth mentioning because of how he make the comparison.

The one your parents taught you thinking you weren't smart enough to delineate the parts of your body.

'you weren't smart enough'.

Not, 'they taught us as kids', but not smart enough.

Interesting, because this wording implies he either thinks parents treat their kids like they're stupid, or maybe... HIS parents treated him like he was stupid, and this is how he remembers the nursery rhyme; like an insult.

What if that IS White's drive. Him trying to prove to himself and the world, he's not stupid. What if that was why he didn't have a vision for the company? Because he's stuck in this loop of TRYING to prove everyone wrong about him. What if his goal is trying to prove he can make the BBI successful without Sawyer? That he can live up to the expectations Eddie & Leith have put on his shoulders?

Like, this isn't far-fetched. I'm a LIVING example of this mentality. It's my flaw as a person. I have this constant drive to get the highest grades possible, to prove to myself and others I'm not stupid. That I'm smart too.

I had an English teacher tell me (, in front of MY DAD at parent's evening), I would NEVER get higher than a 5- in her class (a very bad grade). A struggling dyslexic, and you shamed me in front of MY FUCKING DAD, Mrs Quine. You shamed a 13-year-old for being dyslexic in front of her fucking dad, making it sound like I was stupid. Not dyslexic.

I was so hurt and embarrassed and determined to prove her wrong, I worked my butt off to do just that, and this mentality leaked into EVERYTHING I do. (I did prove her wrong btw, got a 7- (second highest number) in the end of year exams she DIDN'T mark). But this has stuck with me. This... mental damage, I guess, lol. I just feel this pressure in my chest like, I still have to do better, I still have to prove people wrong.

It's been like... 11 years since I had this fucking teacher, and I'm STILL like this. I still have this unhealthy drive to overwork myself and prove I'm smart and capable.

White can have this flaw too. There's evidence to suggest it like...

We know White was in the YGP with Sawyer, and Sawyer managed to get there despite what's hinted at being a bad upbringing, so... who's to say White isn't similar. This would also go on to back up more the theory above about Sawyer & White being similar and perhaps able to connect over that. Maybe him getting into the YGP was his way to show his parents that, hey, I'm smart. Hey, I'm intelligent. Look what I just did!

And we know White is very intellegent and well acomplished by the time he comes to the factory.

In Lockheart's notes he says:

(Impressive list of published papers)

and in the note Eddie writes to White (Secondary Lab Mission Statement), following his promotion he says:

if you've the mind your resume infers, that you're sensing a trend here.

This referring to Eddie subtly pointing out everything Sawyer did wrong, and how he expects White to be better.

You've now seen tragic examples of men who let ego blind them to the Project's actual goals. Who let perceived personal gain overwhelm good sense. You will be better than this, Dr. White.

Interesting Eddie says exampleS, s, as in Sawyers isn't the only example of MEN letting ego blind the project's goals. I'm assuming he's referring to Elliot as the first example, but who knows. Just interesting to point out.

I'm about out of steam again, lol. Um...

Thank you for coming to my Ted Dr White talk?

Dr Bruno White & Experiment 1354 [Theory]

I was writing a completely different theory in relations to MOB's latest trailer, when this realisation hit me like that hardest ton of brick ever.

You guys know, recently I studied the Ch.4 ARG for my story writing. I wanted to know more about Dr. White for writing his character, and in one of the emails from Harley he says: '[A bad memory]' and I interpreted it as Harley saying White has a bad memory. I think it's actually Harley having bad memories of White, and what he did to him after he became 1354.

Eg. The full email the above reads:

(The emailer asked)

Dr White?

(Harley replies)

'[Eyes peering from behind a pane of glass] He always did have a certain drive, didn't he? [A bad memory] But what good did it do him? None. He's dead.'

I initially thought the in brackets stuff was Harley, but it's EYES. Two eyes. He only has one as, 1354. But eyes peering from being a glass pane would refer to how he was being watched in an observation room, like the other experiments.

This robot-man has trauma. Trauma from Dr White.

When asked by another emailer what he remembers, all he says is:

Bruno

Another good example, an emailer asks:

What did he do to you?

(Harley replies)

The footage is archived (more bad memories) I won't dwell on it.

We also know throughout the email, Harley speaks negatively about White, implying he doesn't like him. (I think I mentioned somewhere,) my theory that they had a less negative relationship pre-1354, and I'm still inclined to believe that based on his whole:

White?! White is that you?!

He sounds hurt, and him complimenting White's drive could show one of his few lingering positive memories of White. Cause, like, take it from me, as someone with trauma relating to a person I had a good relationship with once in the past, when I think of said person, none of those positive memories come to the surface. Only the traumatic ones. (I'm fine folks. This was years ago, I'm healed & good now. This was just a great example of the feelings Post-1354 would have towards... the abuser?).

We also know the admin account & password belonged to Dr. White (, with the password being a mocking jab at something Harley use to say all the time). So White was fully in control over Harley. Sure. That's one reason to have some trauma, but...

I also was looking at the red text again, with this new point of view about Harley & White in mind. I think the red text is 1354's thoughts being displayed on a screen.

Leith says in the 1354 tape:

You'll be like an open book to us whenever we want.

I think he meant this quite literally. That's why he tells Harley he can fight or give in. It doesn't matter because they can read his every thought regardless.

More evidence to back this up, with the red text being Harley's thoughts:

I can see you. You aren't welcome here.

And

They can see. away. Don't think it. Hide it from yourself. rwk

(idk what 'rwk' stands for. I couldn't really find anything solid).

I'm about out of steam with this lol. Just thought it was intresting to throw out there into the void :P

Also, really interesting that one of the things he says replies is:

I know my name.

Annoyingly, I can't find the email this came from, to give it context. Interesting regardless. To forget one's own name would almost suggest a level of brainwashing, maybe? IDK.

Not sure on the whole brainwashing thing, but it's a fun idea.

If we assume the first red text we start with is the last time anyone accessed Harley's thoughts (that being White), then their final conversation is intreaging, because it would suggest Harley was more bitter than White (I mean... hard to be bitter when you weren't the one turned into a brain in a jar, lol):

He asks if I still dream? Why? This changes nothing. A broken leash. Casket. I do. What became of her? Theater incident still strange, the things that linger.

[amaya-writes]

Death Note spoilers!

For the event, can I request reborn!L Lawliet? He died in 2007, so he would be 15 today, so I just wanted some fluff with teen!reader (platonic or romantic, whatever) maybe being friends from school and liking true crime, chatting, just doing normal teen stuff without a care in the world :') thank you so much

Event Masterlist About The Event

Notes: I was going to make this romantic but ran out of ideas lol

Warnings: n/a

Characters involved: L Lawliet, mentions Watari

Gender-neutral reader, you/yours

You had been friends with L ever since you saw him win a middle school dodgeball match by using physics.

You thought he was one of the coolest people you knew. He thought you were annoying.

L Lawliet wasn't exactly the type of teenager people would talk about. His real name was Ryuzaki but for some reason unknown to most he had decided to be referred to as L sometime during elementary school, a decision everyone seemed to automatically accept.

He was quiet and went about his days at school perched on his seat at the back of the class with his owlish eyes observing everyone around him.

Everyone thought he was weird. Even the teachers.

The only reason they never said anything was because of how awfully smart he was.

You prided yourself on being one of the top students in your class. But that was before L came along.

You might have been smart, but he was on another level.

Perhaps that was why you had originally been so vexed by him. Him and his stupid sliver tongue and quick reflexes that ensured even if he was regarded as an outcast, no one could ever ridicule him for it.

Especially not when he came from such a rich family.

You heard rumours about how he had a butler who would follow him around wherever he went. And how that butler was responsible for the chemistry teacher's sudden disappearance a week after she dared to mark L's answer wrong.

The second part was obviously a lie. But you found that it was enough to intrigue you even more.

In the end, it was your love for true crime that brought the two of you together.

There was a famous detective known for his books about the serial killers cases he had handled in your country who had a book signing in your city, and you just had to go.

As luck would have you found a familiar raven-haired boy standing outside the bookstore just as you arrived.

At first, you thought he would avoid you. But that was before he dropped by your table after the book signing to cheekily impose on your reading.

"He was never imprisoned."

"What?"

L took your question as an invitation to occupy the vacant seat across from you.

"The killer. He was a politician who got away with it just because his party refused to believe he could ever do such a thing."

The two of you were quick to share your sentiments about how awful that was, and before you knew it, a simple talk about a book both of you adored turned into reading recommendations and swapping social media.

Apparently, L had only downloaded Tiktok and Instagram to watch videos about the cases he liked to keep up with but actively spent time tweeting about all sorts of things.

You thought the two of you would be restricted to discussions outside of school after that but were pleasantly mistaken the next day when you found L excitedly leaning against your locker ready to talk about how your favourite author had announced they were going to do a podcast.

The two of you became quick friends after that.

It started with both of you reading together and listening to true crime but quickly turned into L tugging you along to a million bakeries and forcing you to play chess with him in exchange for long walks through the park and shopping sprees.

You learned the reason he wanted to be called L was that his late mother had named him Ryuzaki, and he seemed to hold a grudge against everything related to her. He learned about your struggles with perfectionism and need to be the trophy child of your family.

You loved fashion almost as much as he didn't, and he held an interest in all the sports you had never once bothered to learn.

The two of you were different yet somehow still so awfully alike.

It helped that you both lacked any artistic abilities whatsoever. Whether it be dancing, singing, or art.

That was where your other friend came in.

Unlike L who didn't have any friends before you, you had secured a tight-knit but fun group of friends you cared for deeply. One of them was a digital artist who had even gone viral on Tiktok, the other an aspiring doctor who was secretly a theatre kid.

You were acquainted with a few others too, but L preferred to stick around you or the other two.

Everyone else seemed to be glad that you were helping L come out of his shell.

The two of you quickly turned from the peculiar pair everyone would gossip about to normal best friends, and over time people began to stare more when you weren't accompanied by one another.

You cared for each other deeply and would often spend hours on end holed up in L's ridiculously large bedroom as you did everything from reading to studying to watching bad comedy horror movies.

One school year turned into another, and you soon began to think of L as someone you would be friends with forever.