#polycrows time

[polycrowtruther]

“Maybe we’re not thinking about this the right way. Here are the facts: you borrowed our neighbor’s wagon because you claim he told you it was alright. Now Mom’s claiming he couldn’t have said so, because he died of old folk’s sickness a couple days prior. Both you and mom are convinced each other is wrong. Hmm…. maybe the old man was a ghost?” 

Kaz Brekker awoke in a field. Disoriented, like he had been dunked under the water repeatedly and couldn’t quite catch a full breath. The sun was low in the sky, hot rays beating against his skin. Kaz turned, trying to place where the voice was coming from, but he was alone. The fields around him were empty, the road he stood on barren save for himself. Even so the voices continued, uncaring if he were there to hear them or not. 

“I dunno. Pa doesn’t believe in ghosts,” a smaller voice echoed from his right. Tiny, warm. As if two children were talking together as they walked down the road hand in hand. It came to him, like a memory, but he couldn’t picture who was speaking. He couldn’t even remember why they were talking in the first place. 

Kaz started walking, unsure of what he was supposed to do. From beside him, on his left, the first voice spoke again, “Okay, but there’s a lot of things Pa doesn’t believe in. Spirits, gods, taxes. Maybe you don’t have to believe in them for them to show up, though. I mean, it makes sense. How else could you have spoken to our neighbor if he wasn’t a ghost?”

“He was there!” The younger voice cried out indignantly, “I’m not a liar!”

“Calm down, I’m not saying you are one. But when trying to solve a mystery, every lead is worth looking into. Just because someone isn’t asking the question right now doesn’t mean it’s not worth asking later.”

The smaller voice got quiet for a moment, before asking, “Do you believe in ghosts, Jordie?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 4 of "The Sprit of Grief" is live now on Ao3

[jude-jespernumber1glazer]

I think jesper fahey deserves 5 billion girlfriends and boyfriends

[six-of-cringe]

Alright I'll say it. I don't get all the Kaz/Nikolai content that's been populating AO3 recently. Nor the Kaz/Darkling content.

[lolmanthecat]

This low poly krow is majestic.

Low poly low resolution Crow 🌟

[lchendriks]

by lchendriks

Kaz refused with a sharp tongue and death glare that his Crows had long since learned not to take personally - but now, hours and missed meals later, they were no longer going to be offering but demanding he accepts their help with his pain. or 5 times the Crows forced Kaz to accept help +1 time Kaz asked for help

Part 3 of let's get mischievous and polyamorous

Words: 6,879 | Chapters: 6/6 | Language: English

Fandom: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M, M/M, Multi

Relationships:, Kaz Brekker/Nina Zenik, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Jesper Fahey, Kaz Brekker/Matthias Helvar, Kaz Brekker/Jesper Fahey/Inej Ghafa/Matthias Helvar/Wylan Van Eck/Nina Zenik

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Nina Zenik, Inej Ghafa, Wylan Van Eck, Jesper Fahey, Matthias Helvar

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Polycrows - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Disordered Eating, Chronic Pain, Touch-Averse Kaz Brekker, (sorta - he is mostly okay with His Crows touch in this one), Panic Attacks, 5+1 Things

[lightning-system]

Hello! I discovered your fics about polycrows, and im absolutely in love with how you write everything! I keep your profile open in a different tab to check on your fics n new ones daily! Hope you're well <3 /p

omg ty I've had such a fun time writing crawling back to you and I'm really glad your enjoying it. Definitely expect more but slower updates than March. I'm working on a few new things right now but I'm a little more behind than I thought I'd be. But I also have no real deadlines so we shall see. So sweet of you to reserve a whole special tab for me lol.

Unfortunately I am not well, such is the life of chronic illness and injury but I avoided the ER and I'm on new meds so hopefully this new wave of awful will get sorted!

[polycrowtruther]

From the coming third chapter of "The Emotional Hierarchy of Trust: An Excuse to Buy Lingerie", in Nina's POV

"Wylan dipped his head into the curve of Kaz's shoulder like he couldn't help but nuzzle closer when the chance was offered. Nina didn't blame him. Even the barest brush of skin against hers was white hot and saccharine. When in love with a boy who was too far to reach, every step forward felt like a new experience. Kaz made her aware of each time skin contact felt like a blessing to receive, because now she saw what a curse it could feel like. She no longer took for granted each time Inej's hands slowly slipped through her hair, or ignored the gentle weight of Jesper's hands at her hips. The greatest gift Kaz had given her was not only his love, but how his entry into her life made her appreciate how to love so much more.

In that way each of her partners had given her new perspectives into intimacy. It felt like against her will, she was loving herself. Like they found something within her to love so tightly she could not hold her grip on her hatred of it anymore.

Trust, she knew how to hate herself. She had seen the most vile parts of herself in the haze of withdrawals, and no amount of positive thinking or growth mindsets could convince her to think of such a hideousness as 'desirable'. Vomit was not desirable. Hurling insults in their faces was not 'sexy'. Sagging skin was not an alluring feature. And yet, here she was. In the heart of a den of luxury with two boys who trusted her absolutely. Two boys who, mind you, had held her hair for her during said withdrawals.

They had seen her in such a low state she would not have questioned it if they never met her gaze again once their business was concluded. Once the reality had sunk in again, and they had time to come to terms with how much she had changed over the course of things. She would not hold it against them if she was no longer beautiful in their eyes. And yet, they lingered with her. They touched her skin with reverence. Their breaths caught each time she was near them. If was still within her to check, she'd reach out to feel if their heart still skipped a beat when they looked into her eyes.

They loved her. Fuck if she knew why, but she wasn't going to look such a lovely gifted horse in it's mouth. If they could still find it in themselves to love her, she would by no means turn them away. It was too precious a commodity to ignore."

[dreamtigress]

20 Fanfic Author Questions

Thanks for the tags, @theprinceandagcd, @tinyarmedtrex, and @onthewaytosomewhere. I did one of these a while back, and it's fun to see what answers have changed.

1. How many works on AO3?

31. Ranging in length from 542 to 75, 125 words.

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

554,762

3. Top 5 fics by Kudos

Plan van Vertrouwen

Intermezzo

Plan van Leder

Geliefde

Krai Kat

4. What fandoms do you write for?

Six of Crows / Grishaverse

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes. I absolutely adore interacting with people who have taken the time to not only read, but leave a comment. 

6. Angstiest Ending?

I've got a bunch with angst in there that wrap up in less angst, or resolution, if not a happy ending. Probably Verbanden & Geesten, though, because while Kaz has mostly gotten himself to an even keel, he has Gone Through It in chapter 3. Runner up would be Geliefde, because Inej sails off, and Kaz is not okay.

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

For wholeseomness: Plan van Leder, because Kaz finally says "I love you" out loud to Inej.

For uh, "happy endings"... Well, that would be most of my smutty stories. Heh.

8. Do you get hate?

I am very lucky to say, not really? Not yet? The closest was one anonymous user that seemed sad I am slowly headed towards Polycrows.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes, unabashedly. 74% of the current published stories contain explicit content. Some of it is sweet, some of it is kinky, and I always strive to show healthy, consent oriented fun.

10. Do you write crossovers?

At the moment, I have so many canon compliant/future canon stories on the docket that I am not sure I will ever get to doing crossovers, but I am not ruling it out. I did have fun conjecturing an Omegaverse version of some of my OC's with my partner tonight, though.

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet, but that would be amazing.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Not entirely. I am working on world building an entire set of stories about two OC's with my partner, that I very much want to give them credit for, since they keep writing snippets of back story and such that fit in SO well with my existing canon. If/when those stories get written and published, I plan to give them credit.

14. All time favorite ship?

Kanej, baby. Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, from Six of Crows. Wesper is a fairly close second, though.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I so need more time to write. I have SO MANY WIPs and ideas and outlines.

16. Writing strengths?

Witty banter and subtle character development through dialogue. (The latter was said by one of my writing friends.) Editing for myself.

17. Writing Weaknesses?

Length... sometimes I know pieces are getting long, but I just keep finding things that want to be in the story. Sometime they get edited down, and sometimes, the piece just ends up at novella length. Whoops. Getting bogged down by intermediary scenes. Sometimes, I just need to skip ahead to the next bit of action. See also, pieces getting too long.

Edit runs until I feel like the piece is crafted as well as I can get it. Double edged sword, this one.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

So, because I write Six of Crows fics, I include a lot of the 'foreign' languages, and have 'invented' even more of each language. I even went to far as to do a fic based on language lessons between two of my OC's, Een Taal Aanleren. I like to include a translation guide in the notes, but also try very hard to have the other language explained in context and naturally flowing exposition.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically? Pern. I just didn't really write any of it down on paper.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

It's a bit of a tie at the moment, honestly. Verbanden & Geesten for various reasons, like the gang meeting from Jesper's POV. And then chapter 3, and it's view into Kaz's past and childhood memories. It's tied with Vakantie. Because we get ALL sorts of Kaz and Inej insights. More of Kaz's past, but this time, he's *sharing* it with Inej. They're getting to try on a whole different life for a week, and they have so much quality time together.

Soft Tagging: Anyone who wants to fill this out?

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Looking at Me

Fandom: Shadow and Bone and Six of Crows Summary: Matthias is uncomfortable with who he sees in the mirror. Not because he is no longer Druskelle, but because his appearance doesn't match what he's expecting. Warnings: Egg cracking, dysphoria, and mentions of past/canonical violence Word Count: 4,007 Ship(s): Matthias Helvar/Kaz Brekker (background polycrows)

Archive link!

A/N: I saw all the people headcanonning Matthias as the only straight member of the Crows and then decided "You know what? Bi and NB, deal." So that's how this came to be. I honestly think it fits really well with his character and what he might have grown into if he was given the chance to explore himself outside of his deconstruction and settling with the world.

Matthias sat in front of the long mirror that hung on the back of his door in the Van Eck mansion.

He had been staying there since he had returned from Ravka with Nina almost six months ago. His life had changed so much from what it had been more than two years ago, but he wouldn’t wish for it to be any other way.

He had gotten shipwrecked on the edge of his hometown with a woman that he thought was not a true person because of something that his creator god had blessed her with. He had learned that she was unique in her beauty and power, a seed of doubt about all of the things that he had been taught. Of course, there had been some hiccups on the road in the form of him being thrown into Hellgate to protect him from the warring army that they found waiting for them at the port. That had been solved by the criminals that he would one day call friends and later partners breaking him out of prison so that he could help them do something he never thought he would be forced into.

He had begun his life in Fjerda and through his time with the Druskelle, he had explored much of it. Since having his entire life turned upside down by a storm, though, he had returned their twice and interacted with it a single other time outside of the visits. The first time had been when he broke into the stronghold where he had served his time when he was training. The second time he interacted with his country was when he tried to save the young boy that had shot and almost killed him. The third had been the most recent, and the reason that he and Nina had returned home.

Coming face-to-face with a boy that was so similar to him in so many ways had made him realize what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. He had felt so listless and unlike himself when he realized that not only could he not return to his country because of what he had done, he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to become the person that he had been before he met the wonderful individuals that allowed him to flourish and discover new things about himself. He had seen what he could have been, what he was, in the eyes of a boy holding a pistol with shaking hands.

So he had gone to Ravka and Fjerda with Nina right after he had been shot. It was easier for him to be with the First Tailor as she had some ability to heal him from the wound that he had sustained than it would have been to stay in fake plague-ridden Ketterdam anyway. He had healed in the Little Palace while his love trained her new powers and allowed herself to be studied so that they could create an antidote for the awful drug that had warped her in such a way. It had taken nearly two months, but when they were ready to go they headed up towards Fjerda to get a better scope on it.

Matthias wasn’t entirely sure how they were going to worm their way into the Fjerdan government so that they could spread the message about Grisha being good. For now, he was simply working with Nina so that they could get vulnerable young people to the Little Palace and save the Grisha that were still hiding out around the country. It was easier to convince them than he had thought it was, likely because the furthest reaches of the country were struggling financially and happy to have the promise of food as long as they were willing to work.

They had returned home after getting what they thought was a suitable amount of information. It was strange to think of the Van Eck mansion as home even after all the time that he had spent there, but he supposed that was because home had been something that didn’t exist since he lost his family.

Wylan and Jesper were a happily married couple running the businesses and estates left to them by the disgraced Councilman Van Eck, which resulted in them having quite a bit of sway when it came to passing laws on whether or not people should be able to own other individuals. Nina still kept in contact with a lot of the Grisha that had sold themselves into servitude so that they could be protected by the strange Kerch laws. Kaz was buying or stealing people out of their predatory contracts and then helping them pay something off in a language that they understood and terms that were plain enough to be understood by everyone.

All in all, they were working to make sure that no one ever had to go through what Inej had gone through and to make the world a better place overall. It was strange, to have that as part of his identity despite having lost so much else. He no longer felt like he belonged in Fjerda, he looked over his shoulder and touched the snow whenever he was there just to make sure that he wasn’t being followed and that he wasn’t going to be consumed by the ice.

So much of his life was what it had been before, too. He had found Trassel while he and his beloved were walking over the barren wasteland of the upper edges of his home. The wolf had immediately recognized him and refused to leave his side, even when they boarded the ship to sail back to Ketterdam. He had his beloved pet back, and in turn that made him fall back into a lot of old habits he hadn’t really realized he’d had. He didn’t need to work out when he was in prison, but he found that it helped him to do so now that he was free to live his days as he pleased.

That brought him back to where he was now. He had just finished showering in the en suite bathroom that all the Crows had in their personal rooms. They had converted one of the massive master bedrooms on a floor where Wylan’s father had never gone into a room that they shared, but it had been so long since any of them had their own space that it was exciting to get to be independent in that way. Matthias liked getting to stretch out on his own bed or write poetry in his own language without having to worry about anyone other than Trassel judging him for it.

He had walked from the bathroom out to his room to get some clothing since he had apparently grabbed two shirts instead of the breeches that he had desired. He stopped when he caught himself in the mirror, his body still shining with droplets of water from his bath and his muscles rippling every time that he moved.

Matthias shifted as he tied the towel tighter around his waist and then gazed further into the rich blue eyes that were looking back at him. Nina and Kaz often argued about what their color actually was, apparently going between the steely gray that the ocean turned before a storm rolled in and the blue that the ice was when it was dangerously close to cracking. Both things were dangerous and deadly, nothing like the lovely things that they compared Inej’s eyes to.

That thought alone shocked him enough that he took a step back and away from the mirror. He had never envied any of his partners for anything other than the connection that they had with the others before the polycule had formed. He had never once looked at Wylan and wished that his hair was curly instead of the straight that was standard in Fjerda. He had never once looked at Jesper and wished that he was waifish thin and a bit taller than completely necessary. He had never once looked at Kaz and wished that he had the ability to melt in and out of the shadows due to a drab color pallet and a pale complexion.

Come to think of it, he had spent very  little time thinking about his body overall. He had thought about the things that it could do, the hurt that he had wrought over the innocent Grisha he had come across when he was a Druskelle. He had thought about how his arms helped him hug his sister when she was alive, how he had been able to till the fields of his family farm, how his quick height had helped him bring the animals in from pasture when the weather turned sour. He had thought about how being taller than Nina meant that he was able to engulf her in his hugs despite her being larger than a lot of the people that they encountered in the Barrel. He had thought about how he was strong enough to pick Wylan up and let him access the high shelves in the office or his workroom. He had thought about how he was quiet enough that he could sit beside Inej when she was napping and she didn’t startle awake at every shift in movement. He had thought about how he was big enough to hold Jesper when they were sleeping without being dragged around the way that the rest of their partners were.

Those were all things that his body could do, but none of them were about how he looked. None of them were about the color of his hair, his eyes, the way that he was beginning to get a smear of freckles above his cheeks and ears like Wylan and Nina. None of it was about the broadness of his shoulders or the width of his hips.

He had never thought about any of that before and suddenly it was at the forefront of his mind, like it was the only thing that he had ever been permitted to think about.

He stood in front of the mirror for a long time, his hair and body drying because of the air around him. He had been amazed when he had first moved to Ketterdam, the fact that everything stayed damp unless it was directly placed in the sun, fire, or wind was something that he had never experienced before. It was a testament to how long he was staring at himself that he had managed to dry off at all.

Slowly, he sank down onto his knees and then folded his legs underneath him as he simply watched the way that his body moved. He felt almost as if he were watching an entirely different person, even though he knew the figure in the mirror was him. It felt like someone else was controlling a switch inside of him the way that Jesper had controlled the mechanisms of the tank when they escaped the Ice Court. He felt distant and impersonal, a machine that had been built for a single purpose and would always be intended for that purpose regardless of what he was being used for in that current moment.

There was a knock on the door that led into his room that jerked him out of his thoughts and he turned towards it. “Who’s there?” he asked. It wasn’t the standard greeting that was used in Kerch, but it was what he had always done with the other boys when he had been training. A lot of the time they only knocked to let someone know that something horrible was about to come, hazing had been a massive issue amongst the young Druskelle recruits.

“Me,” Kaz replied from the other side of the door. “Am I permitted to enter?”

“I’m not exactly dressed, if that is going to upset you,” Matthias gruffed.

“Not today,” Kaz replied. It was something that he and Inej had been working on together, overcoming the fear that had been instilled in them through other people and experiences they had suffered as children. With the support of someone that understood their fear and their loving partners, they had both been able to work up to prolonged hugs and kisses when other people were being intimate and Kaz rarely wore his gloves around them.

The door handle rattled as Kaz let himself in, and then it clicked when the door swung shut behind him. “What are you doing?” he asked. He was standing just in front of the door with the crow’s head of his cane clasped in his bare palm, his fingers flexing over it. His dark eyes were roving over Matthias’ form as he tried to figure out what was going on. 

If the situation hadn’t been so serious and hadn’t left him feeling so unlike himself, it would have been amusing to see Kaz trying to put the situation together from the limited context clues that he had. His eyes flickered over to the window to check to see if there were any signs of a forced entry from the outside despite that being impossible thanks to something that Wylan had lined them with. He then looked back to his partner to check for blood or newly bandaged injuries outside of the one that he had from play-wrestling with Trassel getting a bit too serious. “I was bathing.”

“That can’t be true, you were bathing an hour ago,” Kaz said as he looked to the clock that sat on Matthias’ bedside. Jesper had made it since he was experimenting with his powers to try and quell the urge to get a shock of adrenaline every time he got somewhat bored.

“I suppose I just got distracted,” he said. Carefully, he placed his hand down on the ground and the other around the towel so that he could hold it in his hand while he stood up. He walked to the bathroom as Kaz moved further into his room and then sat down on the bed. He donned the white shirt that he had grabbed, the one that had little embroidered flowers around the collar that Inej had done last winter to keep herself busy now that her ship could not safely sail due to weather. He pulled on black breeches and three-timed darned socks before he ventured back out into his room to be met with whatever ire was coming to him.

“Matthias,” Kaz said loudly to get his attention before he had the chance to get closer to the mirror.

“What, Kaz?” he snapped. He hadn’t meant to sound so testy, he really wasn’t as upset as he was making himself out to be. It was just the niggling feeling in the back of his mind that made him feel as though something was wrong. He had looked at his body and seen someone that he no longer was, which was something that had never happened before.

“That,” he pointed towards the other. “That is what we’re going to talk about now. The flower arrangement downstairs has nothing on this. Come, sit.”

“You came to talk to me about a flower arrangement?” Matthias asked. They had decorated the estate with some help from Wylan’s mother Marya, to make the place feel like more of a home and less like a museum that was meant to be on display. Matthias had done his suggestions, a quilt that they had all made together on the main wall of the salon where they spent their time together, and some paintings in their respective bedrooms and offices. He didn’t care much for any other kinds of decorations because that wasn’t the kind of culture that he had come form. He knew it was important to his partners, though, so if that was what Kaz really wanted to talk about then he would be willing to pull his mind out of the fog and try his best to give good input.

Kaz shook his head. “I came to talk to you about literally anything other than the flower arrangement. While we were waiting for you to get done so that we could go to breakfast Wylan started an argument between Inej, Jesper, and Nina that was never going to end and it was so dreadfully boring. Now. I want you to talk to me about something far more interesting, whatever is going on with you.”

“It’s nothing,” Matthias shrugged. He sank down onto the bed beside Kaz, his fingers worrying the material of the blanket between the pads. It was grounding and stimulating, something that pleased his brain far more than even tea would.

“It’s obviously not nothing if it managed to get you that upset,” Kaz replied. “I don’t think I’ve heard you talk to one of us that way since you were recovering from being shot. Unless there are actually two of you around here, I think that there’s some kind of pain that’s bothering you.”

“And you just know so much about pain, don’t you?” Matthias muttered.

“I do, actually. Both emotional and physical. Physical is obvious,” he smacked at his bad leg with his cane. “The emotional, on the other hand, I was much better at hiding than you are. Do you think that it was easy for me to figure out that I never fell in love with anyone because they were never close enough for me to even be friends with them? Do you think that it was easy for me to realize that I was not the person that people thought I was but an unknowable monster?”

Matthias tilted his head down as he placed his hands together in between his knees. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Sexuality and gender, Matthias. I know that the Fjerdans teach you rigid gender roles and don’t have a single trans person in all of history, but it’s fairly common in progressive places,” Kaz snarked.

Matthias shot him a look that got him a cheeky smile in return, which was enough to make his shoulders relax at least a little bit. “I know that you and the others thing that Fjerda is some barbaric cesspool, but we’re not that bad. We had a transgender queen that ruled alongside her wife around the time that my father was born. She was the only person with the kind of status where she could do whatever she wanted, though,” he sighed. His voice sounded almost wistful, but he wasn’t quite sure why.

“Oh? Explain,” Kaz prompted.

Matthias laid down on the bed so that he was looking up at the canopy that hung low on his bed. It made him and Trassel feel more comfortable to sleep when they had something close enough to touch above them, reminded them of what it was like sleeping around their brethren and knowing that no one could attack them by surprise. He let his hands fall onto his stomach and his fingers thread together as he tried to figure out a way to translate all his thoughts into words and have them make sense.

“In Fjerda, there is a strong gender binary like you said. Women are the homekeepers and childrearers, they are meant to be protected and kept happy by the men. Men are warriors and farmers and hunters, they provide for the women and children but do not get to have the same emotional vulnerability. It is not uncommon for us to have people that are transgender, but when they come out they are societally expected for them to turn to the other side of the binary,” he explained. Talking about it in the language that he had not grown up in felt wrong on his tongue, like he was sharing secrets that he should have kept close to his chest. 

“I see,” Kaz hummed. “Do you know why I call myself an unknowable monster?”

“No,” Matthias shook his head.

“Because I don’t feel like I fit into the gender spectrum expected of people in Kerch. I grew up in a pretty much nameless village outside of Lij, not anywhere near the coast. Women and men did the same thing as each other because there was no way that they were going to be able to divide up the labor and have it be fair unless they just worked together. When my mother died, my father had to take over everything that my mother typically did. My brother and I ended up getting everything that you Fjerdans would consider feminine simply because we were too small to lift anything big and too clumsy to mend a fence. When I came here, I saw all the merchers in their suits doing business and all their demure, perfect wives following behind in their braids and dresses. Neither of them felt right to me, so I became something unknowable and strange to them,” Kaz shrugged.

“But you dress as the merchers do, not as their wives do,” Matthias said. He could feel his eyebrows furrowing as he tried to make sense of what his partner had said, but it wasn’t quite clicking in his mind.

“I do it to make a mockery of them. I took something that was very important to them, clothing, and then put it on Barrel scum. They see the way that we act down here, with fluidity in our actions and clothing, and think that we are uncivilized. They do not see men and women, girls and boys, they see monsters and rats. I like it that way, it makes me feel unknowable and powerful,” Kaz said.

The room lapsed into silence as they both took in the conversation that they were having. Matthias felt like his mind was whirring faster than a Fjerdan tank driven by their adrenaline-hungry boyfriend.

He pushed himself up on his forearms and said, “I do not want to be a woman, though.”

“Then don’t,” Kaz replied, like that somehow made any sense.

“If I am not a man and not a woman, then what am I? I know that I cannot be a man because I have not defended the women in my life, I feel disconnected from the Fjerdan definition of what a man is and that was what I knew my entire life,” Matthias whispered. It felt good to place some words to those feelings and get them out of him.

“So? You don’t have to be. The way that you present yourself and what you choose to take from the gender binaries in our world is up to you. Wear a skirt while you work out and tend to our gardens. Be a man in a dress or a woman in pants or neither wearing whatever you want to,” Kaz said. “You don’t even have to use the pronouns that go along with either gender. We can call you they if you’d like.”

“I… I think that I need to think about it for a while, if that’s okay,” Matthias replied after a moment. This all felt very heavy on him, but the way that a quilt on a winter’s night did instead of the way new armor felt before muscles were built to carry it.

“If you need more naked mirror contemplation then that’s what you need, none of us are going to judge you for it,” Kaz replied. “You should talk to Jesper a bit about this too, the Zemini are even more fluid with their gender than the Barrel rats are.”

Matthias nodded to show that he was going to take that advice to heart. He let his hand creep along the bedding until his fingers had found Kaz’s, before he threaded them together. They laid there for as long as they thought that they could get away with, simply letting the new information sink in and swirl in their minds. Eventually they rose and disappeared into the chaos of their partners, lighter and slightly different than they had been before.

[olskuvallanpoe]

TWO NEW ONESHOTS (the murder)

hello, all! I have added two(!!) new oneshots to my polycrows modern university au fic series, “the murder.” I hope you enjoy! we’ve got some more nina/inej and some matthias/kaz!

laugh lines in the summertime - 924 words

summary: it’s time for inej’s senior dance showcase, and she has recruited nina to do her makeup. / nina can’t help but think about how much she loves and admires her wife.

and

little zoo - 1.8k words

summary: matthias was a pet name kind of guy, even when it came to a certain thug he could hardly tolerate.

I hope you all enjoy! Next up is another centric oneshot, this time centered around wylan!

[emmy-everafter]

Next up in the Coven of Crows AU...

What sequel and/or prequel spin-off stories do you want to see next in this series, now that We're Gonna Need a Bigger Pentagram is done? (Obviously some of this will depend on what I get inspired to write but I think it will help to know what people are most interested in reading.) I have some ideas I definitely want to pursue but I'm also open to things other people thought of while reading WGNABP.

The Wesper fic would be an immediate sequel to WGNABP in which Jesper and Wylan deal with the fallout of realizing neither of them is fully human (and also kiss).

The "How they met" prequel would cover how Jesper met & moved in with Kaz, how Inej met & moved in with Nina, and how the two pairs of roommates collided. This might end up being more than one fic, I'm not sure.

Wylan’s first week would explore his perspective when he first moved into Crow House and started noticing that his new housemates weren't exactly... normal lol.

The Kanej heist would cover how Kaz and Inej started to trust each other as they worked together to target mutual enemies. It's setting up the pre-relationship foundations.

First coven mission is a sequel to WGNABP where the newly-formed coven takes on their first magical project together and would include Matthias trying to fit into the group and revelations about Kaz's ulterior motives.

The "Rietveld Thing" would be about Nina, Jes, and Inej (unsuccessfully) trying to figure out if Kaz is a vampire and uncovering interesting historical information about his family.

There's also a lot of "incidents" that get referenced in WGNABP, so if you're interested in seeing any of those get expanded into a full-blown fic, lmk. I'm also wanting to eventually write about everyone's childhoods/backstories, but those ideas are less concrete, so I'm open to suggestions!

Finally, I do have a fic that I want to write for this universe eventually (and have actually started drafting), which is a NSFW polycrows story. (Polyam coven is endgame here, folks!) But I want that one to come later, once all the characters and relationships have had time to develop, so the polycrows thing feels earned. So that one isn't on the table at the moment, but know that it's coming and that it will include sexy vignettes from the entire Coven of Crows timeline to show how they got from housemates to polycule.

So, what do we think?

[sprnklersplashes]

29,18, and 6 for the fanfic asks 🫶🏻🫶🏻

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

So I am probably never going to finish this but during one of the times I was re-watching Sarah Jane Adventures I started writing a fic about Luke realising he's gay in uni:

"According to the articles, people who go to university early struggle more with social life than anything else. Having less in common with their peers. Struggling to maintain relationships. Putting a strain on the ones they had at home because they’re trying so hard out here.

In a panic, he takes out his phone, fingers flying over the keys as he brings up the texts. One from Rani this morning before school. One from Mum, just an hour ago, wishing him luck. And one from Clyde… ten minutes ago. He glances up at the clock and a grin tugs on his lips. He most definitely texted that during class. "

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

I personally think the line "She doesn’t get an answer. Instead, it’s just her, the rain, and what used to be Jason Dean." from the first chapter of time won't fly is pretty banging if I may.

A couple of others include:

She glows with her power and freedom and purpose , and it's a light that even the Sun Summoner would be put to shame by. -from a laugh I could recognise anywhere

He’s begging. Begging as he does with Kaz, just tell me. “Why didn’t you?” from I've got nothing to believe (unless you're choosing me)

What’s one measly world, compared to the universe of a man he married? from two worlds make a universe

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

pretty sure this jesper taking parem fic is my most viewed fic on ao3. and no I will not release the number thats between me and god.

also in the wake is just the most perfectly comforting modern au polycrows that I keep rereeading

my toxic trait is rather than reading fics regularly i have a handful that I just rotate in my brain

[jazzy-a]

I like to think Kaz has a hair-line vengeance trigger now that his main beefs are settled.

Someone bumps into Jesper on the street, and Kaz is like, "I'm gonna burn that guy's house down."

Someone gives Matthias incorrect change? Kaz is full on "Looks like someone's place of business is about to get raided."

Someone doesn't say 'bless you' when Nina sneezes, and Kaz is IN their face like, "I will literally EAT your f*cking soul."

[purpleyin]

Mostly I have written fic notes this week but let's see if I can pull out some snippets from those...

Indivisible (Kaz-centric with Kanej) ~5k so far

"A trick Kaz Brekker can't figure out, I'm shocked." But even as she jokes, there's something nagging at her about his description of his mum's trick. And she is shocked he doesn't know how it was done, because Kaz is like a dog with a bone when it comes to figuring puzzles out; how does he not know after all this time? Coins into rings has a certain familiarity to it. Where has she heard that before?

let's make a deal (polycrows with angsty Kazper in this snippet) ~5k so far

Jesper makes to move away and Kaz panics. When will he see him again? Just how much space does Jesper need? Had he ruined everything, ruined a friendship he'd taken for granted for too long? Kaz shoots forward, catches Jesper's wrist.

"Please…I...' Jesper's eyebrows shoot up. "You've never said please to me in your life." There's a considered pause and he sees something unusual in Jesper's face that makes him almost afraid. "Kaz?" He knows Jesper is asking for more, an indefinable more, same as he's always wanted from him. But this time, Kaz wants to give it to him, if he can just figure out how to fix this, what's enough and what's too much, what's right versus what feels right. A balancing act he's not prepared for. What comes out isn't too unusual a sentiment for him in some ways, words not unsuited to the greed of Ketterdam that runs in his veins, except this time it's not money he wants.

[doorsclosingslowly]

One year of SOC fic: and I still currently have as many WIPs in the works fml

I’ve been writing fanfic about Crows—let’s be honest, mostly Jesper, for one year now and it’s been such a joy wildly mixing the sad (what if Kaz’s trauma was externalized into being a zombie child), the fun fetishes (would you believe I only started writing porn this year? wild) and the silly results of bad jokes into the 25 crimes listed below and the many, many more crudely scrawled love letters to Jesper Llewellyn Fahey I have half-finished or just barely plotted on my hard drive rn. Look forward to year two!

Canon and canon divergent

Condemn It to Its Future (4.5k, M, Gen, the “kaz drowns and becomes a sentient child zombie” fic)

Love Your Masks and Adore Your Failure (6k, E, Kaz/Jes, the “slowjob” fic)

If You Want a Partner, Take My Hand (8.1k, E, Kaz/Jes, the “trans man kaz over-comparing trans man jesper to the sun tbh” fic)

True Faith (7.6k WIP, M, Kaz/Jesper/Wylan, the “let’s explore jesper’s gambling addiction by getting him addicted to modified jurda parem” fic)

I see your face in every flower (10k, E, Jesper/Reader, the “jesper gets it on with a Lovecraftian entity and that entity is YOU” fic, cowritten with @rainstormdragonragon)

Everybody Knows that the Dice are Loaded (5.3k, E, Kaz/Jes and bg Jes/Wylan, the “dickpunching as an act of devotion” fic)

This Time There's No Code Word (3.5k, M, Gen, the “jesper became a Dime Lion instead” fic)

Do You Remember the First Time? (3.1k, M, Gen, the “right after he joins the Dregs jesper saves kaz’s life” fic)

Things Will Shortly Get Completely Out of Hand (2k, T, Gen, the “ruining someone’s university graduation” fic)

Come Sing These Things (1.4k, G, Kaz/Jes, the “jesper’s teen diary” fic)

As Fish Love Water (2.5k, E, Kaz/Jes, the “ankle gills STD” fic)

Show-verse

Nearer than Heaven (2.7k, E, Jes/Dima and Kaz/Jes, the “jes tells kaz about his hookup” fic)

How the Light Gets In (19k WIP, E, Kaz/Darkling and Kaz/Jes, the “kaz the teenage Sun Summoner gets stolen back by jesper” fic)

Where Can We Live But Days? (22k WIP, E, Kaz/Jes/Inej, the “jes is the Sun Summoner and kaz hides him via murder and becoming a patron for Sun Summoner pulp erotica” fic)

It's a False Start and Not an Ending (2.4k, M, Gen, the “what is pekka touched kaz in that intimidation scene” fic)

Modern AU

Perhaps the World Will End at the Kitchen Table (13k, E, Kaz/Jes with bg Kaz/Jes/Inej, the “jesper’s dream date with his married boss who’s just using him for sex right? right?” fic)

I will love You at 4:15 p.m. next Tuesday (7.7k, M, Kaz/Jes/Inej with bg polycrows, the “new year’s eve, adhd problems and arson” fic)

Darling, Boss, Baby (2.3k, T, Kaz/Jes with bg polycrows, the “don’t you DARE call me Boss Baby” fic)

We Owe It to Disaster (1.9k, M, Gen, the “spy jes gets tortured and rescued” fic)

This Is the Time of Our Great Undoing (5.7k, T, Gen or Kaz/Jes who knows, the “gimp mask cuddling” fic)

Sweating off the Cheat Notes on My Thighs (10k, E, Kaz/Jes with bg polycrows, the “agender jesper’s gender woes and gender euphoria” fic)

Frosted Tips (4.9k, E, Kaz/Jes, the “lick frosting off the tip of my cock” fic)

Another Dream About Shapeshifting (4.1k, T, Gen, the “jesper dies and then goes on a roadtrip with kaz” fic)

Easy (6.1k, T, Kaz/Jes, the “decades-long besties on a first date” fic)

Other AU

By Your Hand Is the Only End I Foresee (10k, WIP, Kaz/Jes, the “everyone’s a Sith” fic)

Bits and Bobs

Crows Outside Complaining About the Finer Points of Local Politics (snippet collection)

[lightning-system]

Rising

Multiamory Day 20 - time travel alternate prompt: home

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Jesper wants bread. Inej suggests making some.

ft. domestic polycrows

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part of the fic series crawling back to you