#six of crows shitpost

[jude-jespernumber1glazer]

duality of wesper

[def-not-kaz-brekker]

If you don’t think that kaz goes around saying you that his favorite color is black because “its the color of my soul” but actually his favorite color is black because that’s the color of Inej’s hair did you even read six of crows

[neptune-scythe]

you've heard of what type of person are [insert characters] at a haunted house

but allow me to present

The Crows in an escape room:

Kaz is the person who figures everything out immediately but won't say anything to anyone (they think it's because he's being a dick but really he's too smart for his own good and doesn't want to ruin the experience for the others by escaping in 10 minutes and doing everything himself), or he'll solve something while no one is looking and just go "oh wow look this just opened all by itself how crazy you should do something about that"

Inej and Matthias are calmly solving the clues and methodically writing things down, though Matthias gets frustrated early on, but he hides it well. Inej isn't as invested, she's just there to have fun with her friends and exercise her brain

Wylan is extremely invested. he wants to escape and starts getting flustered almost immediately and is more frustrated than Matthias and way worse at hiding it

Jesper and Nina are playing with the props, having conversations and making jokes. they both start screaming and jumping around excitedly any time the group solves something, even if they did nothing to contribute.

Nina is the person who keeps saying "come on guys we have to focus" and then immediately gets distracted with something that looks dick shaped and won't stop making jokes about it.

Jesper will be paying zero attention to the room and then take one look at something and solve it immediately and go right back to being silly

Kuwei is the one who looses all hope after five minutes and won't stop saying "we're all gonna die" and cannot be convinced otherwise. he doesn't do much to help just kinda sits there being a downer

[lilisouless]

Jesper: maybe they will not notice-

“Jesper Llewelyn Fahey!”

Jesper: well,at least you are saf-

“Wylan Johan Van Eck!”

Jesper: pff, your second name is Johan?

Wylan: no,but my mom doesn’t want to use the real one

Jesper: what’s the real one?

Wylan: Wylan

Jesper: your name is Wylan Wylan?

Wylan: Jan Wylan, but i stopped being “Jr” when I was six

Jesper: i know as a demo man i shouldn’t tell this, but you can’t keep dropping this bombs on me

[randomfandombullshit]

Straight friend groups be like: Kyle, brunette girl, the funny one, Chad, Stephanie

Gay friend groups: devilishly handsome cold blooded killer, feared assassin trained in acrobatics, flirty sharpshooter with a gambling addiction, powerful yet promiscuous sorceress, politician's disgraced son with a passion for music and pyrotechnics, matthias

[randomfandom-3]

do you think kaz volunteered to get the goat because before a dangerous and possibly disastrous mision he wanted to be reminded of home? His days on the farm, before the crime, before the blood, before the suffering?

[reu8ell]

Young frank sinatra is so kaz brekker to me

[six-of-cringe]

Very Funny that at the end of the church of barter scene the stadwatch haul Van Eck back down the aisle away from Jesper and Wylan. It's like they get reverse married where instead of your father walking you down the aisle he is taken back up the aisle and then put in jail

[goindownwiththeship]

PART 5 OF CONTACT NAMES:

This will be wylan's contacts. My head canon is that he uses text to speech so everyone's names will be kinda basic.

WYLAN's contacts

Jesper: Jes

Inej: Nej

Nina: Nins

Matthias: Matty

Kaz: Kaz

Or Alternatively:

Jesper: MY BF 🩷🩷🩷

Inej: wraith🗡🗡🗡

Nina: Waffle Stan 🧇🧇🧇

Matthias: in fjerda ❄️❄️❄️

Kaz: Adoptive Father 🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛

Two more headcanons:

Wylan loves emojis and uses them all the time

Jesper switches around his contact names sometimes to prank him

[mercury-way-cryptic]

kaz: I present to you

kaz: Jesper!!! he can melt metal with his bare hands

kaz: and inej

kaz: she can scale a wall in two seconds flat without making a single noise

kaz: and then there’s me

someone else, on the edge of their seat: what can you do???

kaz: I can monologue

kaz: Very Threateningly

[jude-jespernumber1glazer]

this can go both ways

[neptune-scythe]

Pinterest did a funny putting these two on top of each other in my feed

[lilisouless]

"now say your last words,Mr Brekker"

Kaz: this won't be my last words, you are not allowed to kill me

"how adorable, if you-"

Kaz: no,really. I made a legal documented list about the only people allowed to kill me and you are surely not there, look, its in my pocket.

"lets see: Captain Ghafa,Lady of Mourning, Councilman Van eck (the one not on the jail), Colm Fahey, Genya Safin, Imogen..well this is a decent forgery of a legal document but-"

Jesper: Hold on! i am NOT on the list?

Kaz: don't be such a baby, Matthias isn't there either

Jesper: that is worse, i am on the same level of exclusion as Helvar. Why am i not there? i am not worthy of killing you?

Kaz: you haven't earned it

"well, too bad for you two, not lets get over with the ex-"

Jesper: hold on!

Jesper: Well, if i am not worthy for you then you will not be on my list: i´ll make it right now: Inej, my dad, Madeleine Michaud because i forgot to tell her i couldn't take her for waffles again and by this point it would be just awkward, Nina only can do it on a fight, Zoya Nazyalensky only in dragon form, Wylan can only kill me by accident on a very specific way-

Wylan: gheezen,Jesper!

Jesper: great, he already knows his lines

Nina: i won't make a list, i am so trusting in my charm that i convinced the universe will make me inmortal

Inej: the only one thats allowed to take me form this world is me, i will only perish on my own hand...

Inej: or a whale, i´ll allow that but only if its a female whale

Matthias: you know what? my list pretty much consist on anyone that will make me stop hearing all of you talking

[def-not-kaz-brekker]

Do you ever get sad because no one would come for you, and if they couldn’t walk they’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken they were they’d fight their way out with you, knives drawn, pistols blazing, because that’s what you do, you two never stop fighting???

[randomfandombullshit]

Wylan: kaz I really think you should just buy the movie, you have the cash to spare and its such an effort to pirate it

Kaz: no wylan, it's the principle of it-

Nikolai climbing through the window: did I hear someone utter a negative alternative to the word privateer-

Kaz: I'm less concerned about how you climbed up to a 6th storey window with no footholds whatsoever on the wall, and more concerned about the fact that you also picked the lock on my window

[broken-heart-raven-queen]

Andrew and Renee would talk knives with Inej and become friends with her, the would gift different knives to each other on special ocassions and Kaz, Jean and Neil would just stare (they would also befriends but first of all they are simps).